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writingmia · 11 months

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kuroo tetsuro headcanons

Author's Note: I feel like there are so many misinterpretations of Kuroo’s character to the point where I see some of the most ridiculous headcanons about him in existence. He isn’t a sex god nor is he a nerd that only cares about chemistry. I want to say there is so much complexity to him and that’s why people find it so difficult to understand his character, but that isn’t it either. Because he isn’t some incredibly deep and nuanced character, he is simply him and apparently that’s confusing so many people.

Warnings: Here’s my interpretation of Kuroo Tetsuro through some headcanons! I kept them non-specific, so they can be read by any gender, any appearance - none of that is relevant, anyone's welcome here! Also, I tried to keep it non-specific when it comes to where everything’s set, so you can put this into any AU you want. No smut, nothing nsfw here, so it's safe for anyone to read. Word count: 2.7k

He isn’t an incredibly romantic person. Kuroo’s love isn’t soft and sugary sweet. It isn’t intense and burning either. He wouldn’t take you to a romantic picnic on a flower-swept hill and gently put a daisy behind your ear, nor would he take you out to a loud bar where he'd grope you the whole night and you’d end up in his bed by the end of it. I’m not saying those dates wouldn’t occur, but I don’t think Kurro necessarily fall into either category I usually see people put him in

I firmly believe Kuroo needs someone who can be a match to him intellectually. If there is one quality that is a must-have for a relationship for that man, it’s that you’re an interesting person to talk to. Your interests don’t have to be the same as his, because then both of you can learn new things and think about new ideas you wouldn’t have thought of on your own, but you must be able to hold a conversation. Even if you aren’t incredibly talkative or extroverted, as long as you can understand what he’s talking about and contribute to the discussion, there is no need to worry about the relationship working out.

I just really can’t see Kuroo getting along with someone who doesn’t have diverse interests. If the only thing a person can talk about is others, and gossip, and what happened last week and who did what when, he would get so bored so quickly. And he wouldn’t be afraid to show his lack of interest either. I don’t think he would want to waste his time with useless gossip all the time

Don’t get me wrong, I know Kuroo would love gossip and he would eat up everything you tell him, if that isn’t the only thing you talk about. I firmly believe he is the type of person who can shut up and just ask questions when talking to someone so he can get as much information out of them, and then run to you to debris all of his new findings. But all that in moderation. If all someone talks about is gossip, he would get bored, fast

I think nothing is going to change in your relationship with Kuroo once you start dating. His personality is playful and teasing and there isn’t a doubt in my mind he would’ve been a cheeky bastard even before you started dating. He can be a bit of an ass at times because he just loves provoking people just to get a reaction out of them, and he also loves to joke around and throw around bad puns and word associations because, yes, there is a nerdy side to him. He’s confident, but he also knows his boundaries and wouldn’t overdo things just because.

I can see that, no matter how you meet Kuroo, you two would become friends before anything else. Somehow, you find yourself always talking to him and it feels so natural to just converse. He manages to control the conversation and steer it into any direction he wants if needed, so even if you’re worried you might run out of things to talk about, he will always find a way to continue the conversation and, when it ends, it leaves you craving more

I think when you start dating Kuroo, little will change in your relationship. I think everything would just click into place once you make it official. I don’t think Kuroo would be shy about his crush on you, but I don’t think he’d loudly proclaim it for the whole world to hear either. He’s too smart for either of these things. I think, once he realises there is something different about you, he would keep it to himself while subtly trying to figure out if you like him back. He would flirt with you at times, joke around with you all the time. I think he'd be a physically affectionate person casually, with anyone, so he would throw an arm around your shoulders or grab you by the hand if he has to take you somewhere, and he would do it so easily because the bastard knows he does that with all his other friends too. But with you, he would keep an eye out for your reactions and he would notice all the small things - if you tense up, if you blush, if you reciprocate, if you smile when he does it. All of those things would go to a small catalogue in his head where he would then look through them all and decide if he will confess or not

I don’t think Kuroo will make a big deal out of confessing. I don’t think he’d plan a huge scene for you with flowers and music and a flowery speech where he proclaims his love for you. He’d wait for an appropriate moment when it’s just the two of you and then, with his signature smirk, would confess. He would be nervous, of course, but he wouldn’t confess if he wasn’t certain you liked him.

If you decide to confess to Kuroo, I don’t think he’d be mad at all. Maybe slightly caught off guard because he wasn’t expecting it, but he would be more than pleased to hear you like him as well.

Whatever the case is, he would tease you so much after both confessions. It’s okay, though, because you find it endearing, even if you pretend you don’t

When it comes to physical affection in public, he wouldn’t care strongly and would mostly go off of your preference. If you aren’t really into PDA and showing affection, he doesn’t mind. He would sit close to you, maybe hold your hand at times, but he isn’t particularly hurt over the lack of touching. If you don’t care either, I don’t think he would naturally do big dramatic gestures. I can see him holding your hand when walking, maybe touching your waist/lower back if he needs you to stop or turn in another direction, but not much more than that. When sitting somewhere, he might play with your fingers or tap on your thighs (he says it’s to annoy you, you pretend it does, but you both do it because you both enjoy it). However, don’t expect things like sitting in his lap or anything. I believe he finds that so cringey and would take any opportunity to make fun of couples like that in public loudly. If you’re more extroverted, you’d join him.

I don’t think he’s big on kissing in public either. A peck when you see each other is fine, as well as (mostly jokingly) kisses on the cheek or the temple, but nothing more. No making out, no shoving your tongues down each other’s throats. Again, he loves making fun of couples like that and he’s an annoying bastard, but he isn’t a hypocrite.

To compensate for the lack of physical affection, though, I can see him flirting with you constantly. Pretending like the two of you aren’t dating. Asking you for your number every other day, having at least one cheesy pick-up line a day, making dirty jokes all the time to either see you blush or roll your eyes at him.

He truly loves you though. I don’t see him being big with physical touch or words of affirmation as his main love languages (he uses them, of course, but he uses them with everyone, and you need to be special). So I see him doing small things to show you that despite the playful exterior, he truly cares, and he cares deeply. Getting you small presents every time he sees something and it reminds him of you, or writing you small notes and hiding them in places where you’d find them, or spending time with you doing whatever you enjoy doing the most. That’s the stuff Kuroo does to show how much he loves you, and that’s only for you and him to see. He doesn’t like making these things public knowledge, nor involving others in it. He likes it best when it’s just a tradition between him and you, it makes it more intimate and meaningful that way.

Being menaces together. Oh, this is a must. I did say the only must is that you can keep up with him in conversations and ideas, but if you can be as much of a menace as he is, he is going to be smitten and over-the-moon. It’s okay if his significant other is a sunshine that gets along with everyone, he would enjoy making you laugh with his little comments, but if you can match his energy, god. He’s done for. Even if, on the outside, you appear nicer, more quiet, if you sometimes mutter some small comment under your breath, or make a small quip only for him to hear, he will melt on the inside. What melts him inside is you being slightly mean to others in a funny way? Yes. That is the type of person Kuroo is, sorry, you chose that for yourself.

If you can match him outwardly, though. Well, he loves it. So much. If his partner can match him for wits, if they can also be dramatic with him, act over-the-top, make jokes and make fun of people with him, he will love you forever. That’s the one sure way into being his favourite person. And you don’t even need to be mean with the jokes or “making fun of people”. It can be the small things about people you both dislike, or even towards him. If the two of you have banter and make fun of each other without any feelings being hurt, he will be yours forever

I can’t really see Kuroo with someone very sensitive. Down-to-earth people who can take a joke and match him perfectly are more his type, because he never has to worry about hurting your feelings accidentally, or you being upset over something he said. Because if he crosses a line, you need to be able to call him out immediately. He wouldn’t be mad, even if you are. He would simply listen to you, make a note of it, apologise, and you’d move on.

Kuroo doesn’t hold grudges. He doesn’t have time for useless emotions. He likes to feel his feelings, and then move on, and that’s why communication is so important with him. If he has a problem with something you do, he wants to be able to come to you, tell you and fix it without you taking it personally because it isn’t. He just wants to be happy with you, that’s why the quicker you work out problems, the better

Kuroo’s the type of person who’s incredibly passionate about anything and everything he does. That’s why, often, if you guys are discussing something, it might appear as if he is arguing with you, but I promise you, he isn’t. He’s just very passionate every time he talks. With his love for a good debate and discussion, combined with his healthy communication, problems would barely appear so I really can’t see him be the type who you would be getting into fights with often/if at all

Wouldn’t be into cutesy nicknames. Love/darling/bunny/sweetheart, etc. Forget it. Unless he’s saying it sarcastically, you wouldn’t hear them. Maybe in moments of rare softness, he would say something like “baby” or “love”, but it wouldn’t be calling you that all the time. UNLESS it started off as a joke and then became a habit. That’s acceptable. I would expect you’d call him things like “bastard”, “ass”, “bother” and, in response receive “pest”, “sweetest” or “dearest”, and any short joke in existence (even if you’re taller than him, for some reason???). I’m telling you, Kuroo is a menace and if you’re one back, you’d have him handing you his heart on a silver platter

He honestly doesn’t care what he does with you. You can go out on dates in the city, exploring new places, eating at new restaurants, looking at galleries and museums, or you could be sitting on a bench in the park or lying in your bed just talking. As long as he’s with you, Kuroo’s happy. As long as he’s with you, he’s entertained. I don’t think he’d have one favourite type of date with you, as long as it’s with you. You’re his favourite thing.

I firmly believe that, as long as the person is compatible with him, Kuroo would fall in love fast, and he’d fall hard. You’d be his closest friend, you’d be his favourite person to talk to and to spend time with, and you’d be his family. He would choose you over anyone else without any hesitation and without any guilt, because why would he be guilty about loving you? No one else has made him feel this way before and no one else has understood him and made him feel as safe as he does with you. Honestly, he doesn’t really need other people once he has you

Now, don’t get me wrong with the previous statement. I really don’t think Kuroo would be possessive or controlling. I don’t think he would date anyone who he doesn’t trust, so he would have no reason to be possessive over you. He trusts you with his heart and with his whole being, so he doesn’t get jealous if other guys hit on you. It’s kind of obvious to him they would - after all, you’re the most perfect being in his eyes so obviously others would see that too. So, he would just sit back and enjoy the sight of you telling whoever’s flirting with you to fuck off because’re already taken. Or, he would come up to you and, in a rare display of affection for others, hug you by the waist and kiss you on the head and simply give the person hitting on you a lazy smirk and a raised eyebrow before telling them to get lost.

He would want you to get along with his friends and family and when you do, he would love you even more. I firmly believe he’s the type of softy who would just watch you with a sappy smile as he watches you talk to his closest people and just be happy because all his favourite people get along.

HE WOULD LOVE TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK. About anything. Just, start talking about something you love and you’re passionate about and he would be listening. And so intensely too. He would stare at you with so much affection, he would nod, he would ask questions if he has to. He just cares so much about anything that you love. He would just cup his cheek and listen to you rant for yours and he'd be content and happy. Even if you worry you’re boring him or that he stopped listening, he didn’t. He heard every single word

Your family would love him. I don’t think I need to elaborate here. He’s just that person who charms everyone so quickly. If you have younger siblings or relatives, the kids would be obsessed with him and always drag him to play with them, and he wouldn’t mind. The adults would love him too, obviously.

I feel like his mother would love you. She would embrace you as a part of the family immediately, especially if he’s an only child. She would love you for how much you take care of him, and she would love you even more for not being afraid to put him in his place from time to time because he’s her son and she knows he’s a bit much at times. She’d be the dream mother-in-law. At some point, you will be able to start going out with just his mum. Like, Kuroo would ask you if you have plans on a Saturday morning and you’d tell him, super serious, you’re going to a farmer’s market with his mother and then you guys are going to go get coffee and that he is not invited.

#kuroo tetsurou #hq kuroo #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #headcanon #kuroo tetsuro headcanons #haikyuu #hq #hq x reader #hq headcanons

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lizz-crimson · 10 months

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Oh My God They Were Roommates (Shinnok's Head x Reader Part 2)

Oh yeah, we back.

Summary: An oni interrupts (Y/n) and Shinnok's coffee break and-oh god oh fuck no--!

Tags/Warnings: Talk of dead animals, blood, silliness, not as much as last time, but it's there, combat, cheap Chinese food, the burn is starting to smoke a little, gender neutral reader (let me know if there's any mistakes!)

Words: 2733

Part 1 Part 3

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"No," you said flatly.

"What do you mean, 'no?'" Shinnok asked in reply.

You and he stood at the entrance to a large cemetery filled to the brim with hundreds, if not thousands, of graves. Shinnok was snug inside a leather mailbag on your shoulder, peeking out of it to see

"No, I'm not raising the dead here!" you whisper-yelled at him, shaking the bag a bit.

"And why not?" he replied in the same tone.

You snap your pointer finger to the plaque on a stone pillar next to you—an American flag flapping in the wind at the top. "This is a veteran cemetery! I'm not unleashing undead World War soldiers in the middle of New York!"

"You have the choice to raise a whole army of trained soldiers to do your bidding, and you say, 'no?'"

"Yes!"

A few pedestrians and passersby mumbled and whispered to each other, looking at you with confusion and slight annoyance. You flinched under their gazes, putting a finger to your ear as if talking on a Bluetooth and jogging away from the cemetery.

Shinnok's lessons weren't exactly 'hell' as he'd described. In fact, you took to them well even with no prior usage of magic. There were plenty of dead rats in the alleyways to practice bone magic with, and you only threw up three times! Shinnok still found it amusing, but you shook it off.

Even though bone magic had been fine, raising the dead wasn't going as well. Your morals simply wouldn't allow you to disrespect the dead like that. Shinnok had suggested raising the dead roaches in your apartment, but it had already cost you an arm and a leg to get rid of those bastards, so that was a hard no as well.

You retreated to a currently controversial coffee shop a few streets away, ordering yourself an overpriced coffee and cake pop before taking a seat at a secluded table by a window. A stress purchase, you tried to convince yourself. At least the bullet hole in the window was interesting to look at while you sipped your drink.

"How much was that beverage?" Shinnok asked with a smirk on his face. He was trying to get a rise out of you.

"Quiet, head. We're in public."

Still, even if you hadn't successfully raised the dead yet, you had been doing well. Even Shinnok had to admit that. To himself, of course. He didn't know why, but ever since Raiden and Cassie showed up a few weeks ago, he'd found you much less annoying. He thought a lot about how you gave him the chance to speak his mind when he was being accused. He was grateful for that. Again, he kept these thoughts to himself. No need to let his human captor grow an ego.

"Since soul magic isn't going well, we'll return to bone magic. What is your preferred weapon, mortal?"

You were going to just ignore Shinnok out of frustration, but when your teeth scraped against your stale cake pop, you huffed.

"Staff."

"Really?" Shinnok raised his brow, intrigued. He'd not taken you for a staff user. "I have not seen a staff in your apartment."

"I keep it at Raiden's temple," you replied. It wasn't your choice to keep your weaponry somewhere else. The fact was, if other residents in your apartment complex saw you with a weapon, you'd definitely get into trouble.

"Then I'll instruct you in summoning a bone staff upon our next lesson."

"M'kay." You rest your chin in your palm, your eyes droopy. It was only evening, yet you were more than ready for a nap.

"Perhaps it's time we go home for the day," Shinnok said.

"Let's," you sigh, going to stand. You don't notice the window beginning to glow red next to you.

"(Y/n), watch yourself!"

"Huh?"

You look back just in time to see a demonic arm reach out of the window. You throw yourself to the floor, the mailbag containing Shinnok falling beside you and letting him roll free. You grab him, holding him close as you scoot backwards. Customers in the shop scream and make a break for the exit as quickly as possible.

"It's an oni; prepare yourself!" Shinnok calls.

The oni clawed its way out of the portal. Its screeching shattered glass, and vibrated the floor. It crushed any tables in its way as it stumbled to its feet. The thing was five times your size, and you didn't have a single weapon on you.

"Shinnok, I'm gonna need that bone staff!"

"Get away from the damned thing first!"

You scrambled to your feet, grabbing a hot coffee left by a customer and tossing it in the oni's eyes. A pained screeching filled the room, and you took the chance to dive behind the counter to hide.

"Now, what do I do?"

"Clasp your hands together, then drag them apart to let the magic form a staff. Quickly now!"

You inhale, clasping your hands together per Shinnok's instruction. The magic in your veins strained. Your forearms ached. You were panicking too much. The thudding of the oni's searching footsteps shook you out of your concentration, and you gasped out. Your hand shot over your mouth as you felt the footsteps halt. You could just tell the oni was looking at the counter now.

You looked down at Shinnok, who quickly mouthed 'again' to you. You nodded, removing your hand from your mouth, taking another breath, and closing your eyes before repeating the process.

The rattling feeling of bone magic cooled your veins, and as you pulled apart your hands, a long, sturdy, copper-stained bone formed at your command.

"There, now roll!"

You rolled forward, dodging the oni's giant foot as it came down on the counter, crushing it. You're quick to retaliate by driving the end of your new staff into the oni's face. It shrieked, backing up while batting at its face in pain.

Taking the chance for another strike, you drive one end of your staff to the floor and swing yourself around it, ramming your feet into the oni's chest. The kick sends the beast backwards and all the way outside into the streets.

"Don't go without me, mortal!" Shinnok called

"Fighting for my life here, head!" Still, you went over and grabbed Shinnok, awkwardly holding onto him as you ran out into the streets yourself. You needed to deal with that oni. Special Forces would take too long to arrive. Luckily, all the citizens in the area had made themselves scarce.

The oni got up on its feet again and roared at you. Even as far away as you were from it, you could still feel its hot breath. And smell it. You audibly gag.

"No time for vomiting; kill it!" Shinnok demanded.

You hooked Shinnok to your hip, then rushed up to the oni, sliding under its legs as it tried to grab for you. You drove the staff into the back of its head, and it tumbled forward. A more strategic part of your brain took over, and you drove your staff into the ground next to you, letting go of it and taking a moment to create another one. Once you do, you again rush the oni and latch onto its massive body.

You set on the oni's shoulders, wrapping your new staff around its neck and pulling backwards.

"Shinnok, be my guide! Tell me when to bring him down!"

"What?" Shinnok asked, not catching onto your plan.

"The staff in the ground, dumbass!"

Shinnok looks down at the staff you've driven into the street, the oni's shadow covering the area next to it. His brow rose. "Ah, a bit to the left, then!"

Your arms strained as you pulled on the staff, guiding the oni along with you. The oni's shadow travels over and past the staff.

"Too far! To the right!"

You curse, pulling the oni to the right. It's shadow was just about there when its arms tried to reach for you, making you tug away. The oni hasn't caught on that it could pull you down by your staff. Yet.

"Too far, (Y/n)!"

"I'm going to beat your ass, head!" you yelled. You kept tugging and pulling, trying to get the oni where you needed it.

Shinnok watched the oni's shadow cast over your staff, and he called back to you. "Now!"

The oni's hand grasped your leg just as you yanked it backwards. It flung you off of it, but tripped backwards. You land roughly on the asphalt road and watch as your bone staff pierces the back of the oni's neck clean through, breaking out on the front. Blood splattered, and the beast gurgled and flailed sporadically, and it choked to death.

"Fucking.. fuck," you groaned, standing. "Shinnok, why do you need such big demons in the Neatherrealm?"

"To tire out Earthrealm's warriors, of course."

"I'm actually going to kick your ass."

"Unfortunately, Raiden took it."

You laughed bitterly. Your chest burned; that oni was way bigger than ones you'd seen before. Rasping, you approached the dead demon and looked it over.

"Bitch," you said to it as if it could hear you or give a damn.

"Oh, I'm sure it's quaking in the afterlife," Shinnok said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm going to mount you on a stick."

"No, (Y/n). You're going to go home, order cheap Chinese food, then sleep."

You unhooked Shinnok from your hip, letting him fall to the ground.

"Ow!"

"Whoops, my hand slipped."

"Arg, you wretched-!"

The now-dead oni's body began to glow green. A bright shade of green you knew well. The whistling sound of souls echoed in your ears, and before you could blink, a small shockwave sent you skidding backwards. You tried to reach out for Shinnok, panic welling your chest. The oni's body disintegrated into a large cloud of souls that spun up and into the air in a sharp cyclone before spiraling downward directly onto Shinnok.

Your body refused to move. Was this planned? No, it couldn't have been. Right?

You really wished Special Forces would show up..

Every single soul was sucked into Shinnok's being. You watched in horror as the green glow faded away, and there, standing, was Shinnok.

He flexed his fingers, sparks of magic dancing around them. A vile smirk crossed his face, and a chuckle emanated from his throat.

He then looked at you.

Fuck.

Fuck indeed, as Shinnok raised his hand and clenched his fingers into a fist. A boney hand broke from the asphalt and grabbed you before you could do anything. You struggled in its vice-like grip, and you were pretty sure Shinnok made it do that out of spite for you.

He approached, his hands going to rest behind his back. His footsteps seemed to echo in your ears, dwarfing the sound of your own pounding heart.

"Whoops," he said, stepping up close enough for you to feel the heat of his new body. "My hand slipped."

"No, put your fingers this way, see?" You move Shinnok's fingers around his chopsticks, helping him hold them correctly. He grumbled, frustrated at how hard holding a simple eating utensil could be. "Better?" you ask.

Shinnok successfully grabbed some noodles out of his takeout box and lifted them into his mouth. "Better."

"Cool." You sat down at your side of the table to eat your own food.

Yeah, this was awkward. You checked your phone for the hundredth time, seeing if Cassie replied to your frantic message full of misspellings and explanation points. Your fingers fumbled your own chopsticks as you ate. You'd had an ancient evil in your home for around two months, but he couldn't actually do anything until now. Now he was powerful again. Able to crush you and harvest your own soul whenever he wished.

And yet, he hadn't. He was eating cheap ass Chinese food with you and seemingly enjoying it as he scarfed down his box of lo mein.

You stared a little too long, and Shinnok's eyes glanced up at you. You were quick to take a bite of your egg roll and look elsewhere.

Shinnok groaned. "I'm not going to kill you, mortal."

"Why?" you asked. Why you would ask that question was for the gods to know and you to find out, because why would you even ask that?

Shinnok didn't even answer your question; he just kept on eating. "Can you pass me one of those egg rolls?" he asked.

"Oh, uh, sure." You scoot the Styrofoam tray of egg rolls closer to his side of the table, where he takes a couple. He sure could eat.

"Appreciated."

"Yeah, no problem."

You prayed Cassie would just show up soon.

The gods, all except Shinnok, took some pity, and soon a frantic round of knocking was heard. You're quick to get out of your chair and open it, relief rushing through you as Cassie and Raiden are again waiting outside. You usher them inside.

Raiden takes a look at the scene. Shinnok sitting casually at your kitchen table, eating cheap Chinese food instead of going on a killing spree or going back to the Neatherrealm.

"Just what is your game here, Shinnok?" Raiden growled his question.

"Yeah, why aren't you like - destroying shit?" Cassie asked. "And why are you sitting back down?" she added upon seeing you slide back into your seat across from Shinnok.

"Listen, I am stressed," you retorted, shoving an eggroll into your mouth.

Shinnok chuckled, finding all of this amusing, no doubt. "Don't get riled up, Raiden. Those souls weren't enough to fill me; I need sustenance too."

"Just start talking, asshole," Cassie groaned.

Shinnok growled, rolling his eyes. He sat back in his chair. "I don't know what's so confusing. I'm just enjoying a meal with our lovely (Y/n)."

"Shinnok, I know better than to let you walk freely in Earthrealm, nor to let you return to the Neatherrealm," Raiden said. "If you think I will trust you for even a moment-"

"Shut up, would you?" Shinnok growled. "I'm not returning to the Neatherrealm. I can't."

You tilted your head. "You… can't?"

"Correct. I felt it when the souls returned to me. I am no longer master of the Neatherrealm; someone else has claimed its throne."

"Who?" Raiden demanded an answer.

Shinnok remained quiet, going for another bite of his food.

"Who, Shinnok?" you finally raised your voice.

"Quan Chi."

"…Fuck!" Cassie spat.

"If Quan Chi is ruling the Neatherrealm, then he is the one responsible for these demons appearing in Earthrealm," Raiden said.

"Yes, he was likely sending them to search for me. Hence, when (Y/n) here killed that oni, Quan Chi sensed it and, in addition, myself. So he sent the souls to me through the oni's body."

"So you have your body and power back, and you're not going back to the Neatherrealm?" Cassie asked.

"Yes, if I went back, Quan Chi would likely force me to his will. He did not restore my power completely," Shinnok explained in full seriousness. "I will not bow to that sorcerer."

"Then what are your intentions, Shinnok?" Raiden asked.

Shinnok smirked. "Well, to stay with (Y/n), of course. They are my captor, it's only fair."

"You.. huh?" you weren't sure how to respond.

"And I would like to continue your magic lessons if you so wish," Shinnok added.

It was quiet for a bit. Everyone thinking, and Shinnok continuously smirking. And stealing more eggrolls. Eventually, Raiden spoke up again.

"Fine, then, Shinnok. You may stay with (Y/n)."

"What?!" you yell. You look back at Shinnok, who had the most shit-eating smirk on his face.

"Raiden, are you sure?" Cassie asked.

"It is best. (Y/n) has kept Shinnok in line thus far. He will remain with them until further notice."

Cassie sighed, giving you an apologetic look. "Well," she said, stealing a fortune cooking off the table and cracking it, "it looks like you're still Shinnok's warden."

You couldn't believe this. You look at Shinnok, now realizing you'd have to live with the full-bodied version of him. Now you knew how he felt when he was first forced to live with you two months ago.

Cassie looks at the fortune from the cookie.

"Hey, look on the bright side. You're gonna find love within the next year!"

"Shut the fuck up, Cassie."

---

Behold, a sequel! I was surprised at how many people liked the first one, so here we are! Its not as silly as last time, but I have goofiness planned for next time!

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 11 #mk #mk fanfic #shinnok #mortal kombat x reader #shinnok x reader #raiden #cassie cage

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lippiethehoe · 4 months

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Well hi tumblr queers again :D.

Okay so for starters CONTENT WARNING I'll be talking about sexuality sex and overall sexual stuff so if that's not something you wanna look at then don't read thanks :).

I kinda feel like starting a little conversation and also hopefully getting some answers from lgbts from tumblr which hmmm... idk if this is the best place for this, especially since I don't particularly have a big following, nor do I think I have the means to make this be more visible to randos on tumblr so hmm, if this amounts to nothing know I'll be embarassed about it but that's okay, but also I fucking hate reddit and all my google research efforts have resulted in either basically nothing or people asking similar questions to mine but having very deeply different prespectives of both gender in general and sexuality in general than me so google research didn't slay at all, and so I'll lend my trust to the tumblers ig.

Ok so hello, I'm lilly I'm a demiromantic trans woman and I've struggled for kind of a while with my sexuality, not because I don't know what it is, but because I'm actually a huge labels person. Having a word to describe the way i feel about things has always helped me feel as though I know myself better and can make others know me better aswell. Even if putting labels on complex human feelings and emotions is essentialy pointless, it's still something that means alot to me, and I hate that for the longest time I have been perfectly capable of knowing what my sexuality is, but can't simple it down to one word and use it on my day to day life and that makes me sad. It also makes me feel kinda alone in my feelings? cause I'm basically the only person i know with this prespective on my sexuality at least for now so I'm a bit confused, obviously I don't think I'm the only person like this cause that's basically impossible but it still feels that way ig?

Also I remembered this recently only because it's pride month, happy pride month btw :3, and I was doing a thing on discord where everyday I'd add a flag that I indetify with on my profile picture, problem is I've ran out of flags, because no sexual orientation feels right and from my knowledge of it there isn't a sexuality nor a flag for what I feel, and now not only does my discord pfp not look full of colors and pretty it also re-awakened a little identity crisis I've had for a while.

This is definetly gonna be a very long post but I won't feel like I explained myself correctly if it isn't a big post so bear with me, but let's start.

So I'm gonna start explaining how I personally view sexuality and gender so you, reader, can have all the means available to understand my prespective on this. Sexuality to me is kinda simple, simply means whatever a person is attracted to, what makes them sexually interested in someone, whatever other way you wanna put it, and gender is simply the way a person identifies themselves with, the eyes they navigate the world through, the way they percieve themselves and the way they want to be percieved as by others etcetera, I won't explain my prespective on romanticism cause that's essentially useless to my question, but yeah simple stuff right?

So here's where I don't believe I fit in with most sexualities, here's the question I've had for quite a while but never thought to express it in a place where more than just a few friends could hear, I am not sexuality attracted to genders, ok now is when someone screams at me and says pansexual, I don't agree, but moving on, I'm not sexually attracted to people much, I am sexually attracted to penis tho, and here's where someone screams heterosexual at me AND IF YOU DID I FUCKING HATE YOU FYI NOT CAUSE I HATE HETEROS BUT BECAUSE THAT AS AN ANSWER TO WHAT I SAID IS FUCKING TRANSPHOBIC, YEAH I SAID IT, BITCH!!!

But here's the thing, what is a gender, ok I wrote alot after i said that but deleted it all cause this could fall into a very long rabbit hole, but gender's a construct blah blah, can you tell I probably have some neurodivergencies going on in the head anyways continuing. Genuinely, I don't know what it feels like to be a sexuality that includes gender in it, not because I don't think it to be true obviously i know people are heterosexual bisexual homosexual lesbians any other sexual orientation that implies gender being a part of the equation. But to me I can't be sexually attracted to men because a man can be anything to me, I can't be sexually attracted to women because a woman can be anything to me, i can't be sexually attracted to enbys cause being non-binary can be anything to me and the list goes on. Nothing is set in gender because to me gender can look like, feel like, and be like anything, if I labeled myself heterosexual, sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender of me, what would I mean by it? cause think about it, there're big men small men skinny fat muscular men hairy shaved brown eyed dark skinned pussy having dick having blah blah blah and the list goes on again, and even in there I'm not specifically attracted to any of the traits on that list anyways, none of those traits sexually arouse me, men don't sexually arouse me, women don't sexually arouse me, but you know what does? penis. So therein lies the issue, cause surprise, there's a bunch of dicks in the world, what? that's crazy? Yeah penis is everywhere, there're men with penises women with penises nonbinaries with penises intersex people with penises dildos people with strap-ons and the list goes on and in that entire list, the only thing that sexualy arouses me personally, is penis, not who has it, not wether or not it was there from birth, not wether or not it's made of plastic or human skin, not wether or not I'm specifically sexually attracted to any other aspect of said person, but simply the thing that sexually arrouses me and makes me feel pleasure is the thing that sexually attracts me, which in my head is so fucking obvious? Like it's a conclusion so natural to me, but it seems I'm the only person in a 50 km radius that feels this way? It's also possible that I'm actually wrong and view the current existing sexualities in the wrong way and if that's what's up please tell me.

Also i feel the rising tension of someone saying stuff like "people can sexually stimulate others with fingers are u FiNgErSeXuAl?" and the truth is not really but I still find it sexually arousing when it happens, but the last thing I'm gonna do is look at fingers and blush I think. WOAH THAT JUST OPENED A NEW DOOR FUCKK OH NO THIS IS GONNA BE TOO LONG MAYBE I SHOULDN'T POST THIS IDK. I am also sexually attracted to certain actions, but at this point I feel I'm leaving sexuality and going into kink territory and that isn't really where I wanted to go. EITHER WAY my overall conclusion is I don't understand most sexualities and feel as though my view of my sexuality should have a label so I feel more comfortable, maybe I should be the catalyst who knows maybe someone's already been the catalyst and I'm simply unaware of that, either way I'd like a sexuality flag to add to my discord pfp so maybe I'll just make a flag up, who fucking knows, that's it tho. So yeah if anyone who sees this post experiences anything similar to this and wants to share about it please do I'd be really thankful.

Thank you so much if you sticked with me all the way to the end, and if you feel like you might have some insight on what I'm saying or simply wanna say something relevant to this topic please do, it's pride month and I'm incredibly proud of all queers and gender fuckers :3 happy pride month!

Ps: I just wanna say something, this isn't an invitation to flirt with me send me unsolicited dick pics or respond to things I clearly showed not to be questions, I want this topic to be taken in more of a discussion way than a sexual one, if that could be possible I'd be thankful, ok that's it bie bie.

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skyler10fic · 22 days

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Lightning Strikes Twice: Ch. 7

Summary: Melinda May has an excellent sense of perception when it comes to character, but there's one person with a big secret she didn't anticipate. And with that, the plot thickens!

Read on Ao3

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Phil Coulson was an excellent judge of character. He simply mentioned people to his wife and gauged her skeptical reaction to counter his own naturally affable one. The truth was usually somewhere in the middle. After all, people are complex beings with mixed motives and layered backstories.

It was saying something then that when they arrived home that night, instead of revealing she’d found something suspicious and foreboding about Carol, Melinda simply got ready for bed, checked her phone to make sure there were no urgent messages, particularly from Skye, and kissed Phil goodnight.

“That’s it?” Phil asked.

Melinda raised an eyebrow that meant he’d have to do better than that.

“No, no, I didn’t mean…” Phil clarified. “We just left our daughter with a stranger who was raised by the aliens who abducted her as a child and you’re totally fine with this.”

Melinda soothed her fingers over his bare bicep. “She’s not really a stranger though. She’s Carol Danvers. She’s exactly who I thought she would be if we ever found her.”

Internally, Phil found himself playing the skeptic in a role reversal and didn’t like it. He decided to put his faith in her judgment, as he was always wise to do. Trust didn’t come easy for her, and if she trusted Carol, he could too.

“She just fell from space today,” Phil pondered. “I know she’s the same girl, but she was away for so long and we’re letting her in like she never left. But it doesn’t feel wrong, somehow. For someone raised by the Kree, she’s so … kind? Good? Empathetic.” His signature thinking wrinkle developed between his eyebrows. Melinda kissed it away, and then kissed his lips.

“You want to know my real worry?”

Phil nodded once.

“I see the way Skye looks at her already. If Carol decides not to stick around, or does but doesn’t feel the same, we’re going to be dealing with an earthquake with a broken heart. And I don’t mean her powers. When Skye falls, she is all in. She gets that from you, you know.”

“Oh! Ohhh.” Phil knew Skye liked girls as well as boys, but it had been so long since anyone in particular of any gender had been in the picture that it never occurred to him. Part of him always saw her as his little girl, more interested in puzzles and tree-climbing than dating and, well, other, more adult things. But she was well into adulthood by now and was free to do whatever with whoever made her happy. As long as, of course, they did make her happy. If not, he wasn’t sure how Carol’s integration into Shield would go if breaking Skye’s heart was the first thing everyone knew about her. Melinda was right; more than being an alien threat, if first impressions held true, it would be Carol’s naivety to Earth culture, natural charisma, and open heart that might get them all in a pickle.

“Moms can tell. She didn’t have to say anything,” Melinda added, misinterpreting his silence as confusion about how she knew from one day.

“Yeah, I know.” He forced a soft smile, knowing she wouldn’t be fooled by it.

“Besides, we’ll see what this version of Carol Danvers is made of tomorrow in the training arena,” Melinda said breezily before turning off the light and cuddling up against him. He understood the conversation was over but still chuckled to himself and kissed her forehead. She wasn’t letting Carol off too easy. She was simply evaluating the situation, one piece of data at a time. But Phil rested that night only because he knew what his beloved, cautious, perceptive Melinda saw led her to trust Carol, and that was enough for him.

—----------------

One person Melinda never did trust was Alexander Pierce. There was something in his eyes when he smiled, a glint of ego, greed, and ruthless ambition. Perhaps that was a projection from observing his behavior and speech. It was never overt; he was too cautious for that. But Melinda wasn’t the type of woman he could charm and melt with a well-timed word of praise or gift. And she certainly wasn’t the type of woman to patronize and belittle. So the best he could do was discredit her concerns by wooing everyone around her. Phil found this amusing as a game and played along, knowing exactly what was happening. Skye steered clear of him, not only at her parents’ warning but of her own volition, echoing her mom’s concern that something about him gave her the creeps despite his impeccable reputation.

But secretaries with flowers of gratitude on their desks and fellow men in suits all praised him as such a model of gentlemanly behavior. A real throwback to another era. Only his personal assistant, Natasha, shot imaginary daggers from her eyes whenever he wasn’t looking.

Melinda cornered Natasha one day, and the poor girl was eager to have an ally. Melinda could tell from their conversation that Natasha was done with all his manipulating and was secretly concerned about bringing Carol into the equation.

“What do you know about Carol?” Melinda asked cautiously. Natasha hesitated but made her decision.

“Come with me.”

Melinda followed her down a side hallway and through two secure doors, the last of which Melinda didn’t have clearance to access on her own. Suddenly, Natasha walked with purpose, no longer the meek assistant but confident and self-assured.

They walked through a door that blended into the wall around it and arrived in a sleek office, with windows only open to a view of the city below. Had Natasha not been guiding her, even the famously perceptive Melinda May might not have noticed the door if she hadn’t been looking for it.

“Welcome to my office.” Natasha smiled slyly and gestured to two leather office chairs turned toward a large screen.

“I thought your office was—” Melinda sat down and Natasha followed, finishing the thought.

“This is my real office. I’m bringing you in.”

“In?” Melinda raised an eyebrow.

“That okay with you, Director Fury?” Natasha pressed a button on the armrest of the chair and the director appeared on the screen.

“Hello, Melinda. I see you’ve met Natasha Romanov. You might remember me telling you about a young woman many years ago who defected from a Russian group known as the Widows. No one else knew her out here while I’ve been putting her to good use elsewhere, but now, her assignment is internally undercover, as an assistant to Alexander Pierce.” Fury paused and addressed Natasha, “It’s your call, but this is exactly the team I’d put together if it were mine.”

“That’s what I mean by ‘in’—on the team to investigate Pierce,” Natasha explained. She turned back to the screen. “She asked what I knew about Carol Danvers.”

Fury tented his fingers and furrowed his brow. “We’ve got two options on the table. Melinda, you’ve had more contact with this space girl than we have. Maybe you can help us figure which of these two is worth pursuing.”

Natasha picked up from there. “We know Pierce is working with extraterrestrials. A double agent. I’m on the inside to keep an eye on and control the intel he passes on to the enemy.”

“The Kree.” Melinda felt the old pit of dread in her stomach.

Fury continued, “The variable we did not factor into the equation was your old unsolved missing child case all grown up and crashing down to earth right outside our front door.”

“So,” Natasha wrapped up, “the question is, accident or summoned? Was she escaping them or was she part of Pierce’s plan to infiltrate Shield before an attack?”

Melinda turned the evidence over in her mind. She was far too seasoned a spy not to consider it.

Fury leaned forward. “You don’t know. Or do you not want to voice your suspicions since the girl is close to your daughter?”

Melinda shot him a cold stare. “You know if I had any doubt, I would never put Skye in danger.”

Fury relaxed. “What makes you sure then?”

“What makes you doubt?” Melinda countered, genuinely asking. “Do you have any evidence, besides where she came from, since she’s been here?”

Confused by Fury’s silence after this question, Natasha grew restless and interjected, “A Kree Starforce warrior was welcomed into Shield with open arms and you’re not concerned?”

Melinda started to speak, but Fury interrupted. “Yeah, it’s almost as crazy as having a former elite Russian spy running internal investigations against my own staff.”

Natasha was quelled and bowed her head in deference. “I just mean, it’s due diligence. We know Pierce is a mole. We know he’s working with the empire she was fighting for, who raised her. Yes, I know what it’s like to defect. But I also know what it’s like to play a role to get the job done. As do you.” She met Melinda’s curious gaze and held it until Melinda turned back to Fury.

“If she’s a spy or infiltrating or plotting with Pierce, we’ll know,” Melinda assured. “What better way to spy on a spy than to keep her close to home? And in the meantime, bootcamp.”

“Bootcamp.” Natasha agreed.

“You’re gonna be her S.O. then? Well, now I just pity her,” Fury teased but then grew serious. “Melinda, I want you to bring in Phil, but keep Skye neutral. If she gets suspicious, let her come to us. Communication open, understand? And Natasha, keep Pierce off Carol’s case until we know more. Fury out.”

The two women were left with their assignments as the screen went blank.

Melinda tilted a nod of sympathy to Natasha. “I don’t envy you having to babysit Pierce.”

“I’ve had worse jobs.” Natasha shrugged. “And hey, I want to believe Carol is who she says she is too. But whether she’s in on it or not, the Kree have their sights on Earth, and Pierce is expecting a big reward when they do. There’s only so much I can do on this end.”

Melinda sighed. “And with a mole, you can’t afford to leak information to the rest of us to prepare for it.”

Natasha frowned. “Well, the Marias might have been pressured by the director to move forward with SABER. On an accelerated timeline.”

“Space division? Phil’s gonna geek out when he hears that.”

“Sci-fi nerd?”

“Oh yeah. I can tell he wants to ask Carol questions but is waiting for the right time.”

Natasha lowered her voice despite the security of the room, speaking with empathy. “It can be hard to leave the only thing you’ve ever known, even when you know they’re wrong.”

“She tries to be fine, especially for Skye, but the pain is still there. I know you could see it too if you met her.”

“Maybe I will.” Natasha said, and Melinda understood that was as close to a promise as she’d get out of her.

Natasha stood and Melinda followed, and they made their way back to their assigned offices with minimal coworker banter to keep up appearances as they passed colleagues in the halls and on the elevators.

Melinda admired how easily Natasha slipped back into her assistant role: pretty, demure, attentive, naive. It was a game they were all trained in to perfection, sometimes as a matter of life or death. But it was disconcerting now to think that Carol’s heart-on-her-sleeve personality, so far from the practiced guardedness of Shield agents, might be purely an act to let someone like Alexander Pierce lead to the downfall of Shield, and potentially, Earth itself against a powerful alien empire.

#daisy johnson #carol danvers #aos #agents of shield #captain marvel #daisy x carol #carol x daisy #femslash #skywriting #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #melinda may #nick fury #phil coulson

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daincrediblegg · 6 months

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How did you come up with Lady Terror?

OH THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION!!! Well. The short answer is that I watched The Terror again after a few years and needed to jump that grumpy old irish man immediately because he's so sad and outcast and pathetic, so I did what I usually do, which is wedge myself as hard as possible into the canon, slap a cool nickname onto it, and that was that.

But as many of you know, I'm not into short answers. So here we go.

Honestly, the process of developing Lady Terror has been a really interesting one. As I've explained before she was initially meant to be part of a more sci-fi centric AU based loosely off of 1899 in which she is a physical manifestation of the ship, but the way she developed from there is entirely due to three factors, 1) my friend's staunch encouragement (some of whom are still around, some of whom have deactivated, alas), 2) the Gothic Literature, film theory (which was very philosophically heavy), and the women gender and sexuality classes I was taking last year and 3) my staunch love for Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre reemerging in my consciousness at the time. These elements combined really gave me a sense of purpose when thinking about the relationship dynamics that I wanted to put forward with Francis and Lady Terror because I can absolutely never in my life just throw my self-inserts in all willy nilly because I am of the firm and staunch belief, which has been reinforced by my studies of all genres, that romance has the capability to be as radical and philosophical as any other, and where Crozier is concerned, I think he has so much potential as a romantic figure to break a lot of the common conventions that proliferate the genre, and put together with a figure like Lady Terror, it just makes my brain go brrrrr in a way that a lot of pairings with him just... don't.

Because the focus of their relationship is on the complexities, horror and fear of love. These are two people who have been ostracized in different ways but recognize in each other that ostracization, but beyond that, their capability that continues to be stifled by a social order that is designed to keep them in their place. I've talked a lot about how Francis is probably my favorite to do think work on because he's both a colonized subject but he's also a colonizer and that's his big struggle throughout the series (mirrored, perhaps, only by Hickey), but Lady Terror mirrors him in a unique way in that she is a privilaged colonized subject, and the unique experience that that entails connects them in a way that he doesn't share with a lot of characters, and one that I think is fascinating to explore.

Because like god. What if you were all that but also truly loved? Not to be confused with devotion, adoration, admiration, or with simply being seen. What if you were loved with those things, but also then for your mind, your humor, your ability to reject and rebel against that social order, and still be loved in a way that was barred to you because the social order that you were born into is designed to continue to reject you on every level? What if then you found it in a place that wants you dead? What do you do with that love? Knowing and fearing that you will be rejected again or, even more horrifying, that it could be ripped away from you at any moment because, again, this place wants you dead. You could not be more equally as lucky and as damned. But then also you wonder if this small and sacred thing can do anything at all? does it have the capacity to change things? Does the reinforcement that the union brings matter at all to anyone else? And how do you cope with that? All questions that I'm hoping to pose with them. I don't have strict answers for all of those questions, of course, but perhaps some hints in certain directions. But I hope to put them through their paces in this way.

... but also. Fundamentally, at the end of the day, I did come up with Lady Terror because I want to fuck that old man so bad it makes me look stupid. But also I'm a lit major and if I don't get freaky with it I'll die. Just how it goes with me, I guess.

#lady terror #francis crozier #egg's oc's #also a part of me was really sick of the 'oh no he just wanted sofia to be his beard he would've gone back to sea' bc I just genuinely don'#get that sense from him as a character. he wants to chill out. and hearing about how traumatized he and ross were after the antarctic #expedition I feel like there's way more credence to that. also how that puts crozier in a feminized position #there's like. a million more things I could say that went into developing the lady terror story into the way it is currently. literary #and cinematic influences and the like. also the critical race theory and gender and sexuality stuff. there's a whole lot of that #but if I did that it'd be a whole book in and of itself lmao. and I'm already tryina write one and I gotta get back to workin on that one #but suffice it to say. yeah. many thoughts. head always full.#ask games #THANK YOU FOR ASKING I AM DELIGHTED TO LAY IT ALL OUT THERE

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clevermird · 5 months

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Review: That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis

The third entry in C.S. Lewis’ Space Trilogy is the one with the cover that terrified me as a child.

Once again, this book is a tonal and thematic departure from the previous installments and at first seems to be completely unrelated. Gone is Professor Ransom, gone are the eldiel and the interplanetary journeys. Instead, we focus on Mark and Jane Studdock, a junior fellow and a graduate student, respectively, at Bracton College. Although only married for half a year, their relationship is already lifeless and disinterested, with Mark too focused on petty ladder-climbing at work to give his wife any attention or respect and Jane emotionally withdrawn as a result. Soon, however, both have their equilibrium interrupted when Jane begins experiencing prophetic dreams and Mark is targeted for recruitment by the mysterious scientific and political organization known as the National Institute of Coordinated Experiments. Before either of them realize it, they find themselves entangled in a deadly battle for the soul of England.

Although it still has some crazy moments, That Hideous Strength dials back on the trippy elements and supernatural metaphors of Perelandra in favor of more direct social commentary, offering quite pointed thoughts on the corruption of science to suit the political aims of those in power, on the manipulation of the public through the press, and of the willingness of otherwise-decent people to go along with evil simply to fit in. There’s also a fair amount of musing on gender roles and on the nature of mankind – suffice to say, Lewis is not a fan of Transhumanism. Although spiritual elements are felt throughout, the actual plot feels almost akin to a prequel to 1984. My feelings on this book are mixed. On the one hand, I found the characters of Jane and Mark to be well-drawn and complex with believable flaws and interesting character arcs, and some of the side characters were quite likable. When the social commentary hits, it really hits, and some of the moments inside of N.I.C.E. are genuinely effective horror. The book was very rarely boring.

On the other hand, a fair bit of the social commentary doesn’t really land, either. The discussion of gender roles in particular left me confused as to what, exactly, Lewis was trying to say at times and the themes were heavy-handed enough that readers who don’t agree with them will struggle to enjoy the story. The tone is rather inconsistent, too, with some of the fantastical elements feeling shoehorned in and the finale seeming almost cartoonish in comparison to the terrifyingly grounded tone of earlier segments.

Although a narratively satisfying conclusion to the Space Trilogy with some very effective moments, That Hideous Strength ultimately feels unfocused and somewhat preachy. I enjoyed reading it well enough, but I think it would have benefited from a few more drafts.

Warnings: The plans of the N.I.C.E. involve many potentially disturbing activities, including on-screen torture and human experimentation and off-screen murder, kidnapping, and animal cruelty.

Additionally, one of the major villains seems to be heavily based on negative stereotypes of lesbians, to a degree that many readers will find her character uncomfortable or offensive to read.

Rating: 5/10

#mird reviews stuff #space trilogy #cs lewis #that hideous strength

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eggofritts · 2 years

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The third and final of three D2 acrylic charm designs! I will be making these semi-transparent 2.5-inch charms and limited stock since I’m not sure if there’s anyone else interested in these as well.

My current impressions of the siblings below! Of all the D2 characters, I have the most brain rot for them…

Mara Sov

Since I was a fan of Seth Dickinson’s writing, I had done some preliminary research on what he wrote for Destiny lore. One of those things is the creation of Mara Sov and much of her lore. I also saw a Tumblr post showing a lot of people did not like her and that she was a controversial character in the game. This interested me more to play it and make a judgment for myself. I didn’t get to see who Mara Sov was until the Parasite exotic quest and even then was kinda confused as to who she was and her significance. I really like the dialogue during that quest since it was one of the first few instances during the early parts of my D2 journey that showed any hint of vulnerability from a character. Reading the Parasite lore page about Mara feeling gratitude at witnessing the vision of herself becoming the Witness’s disciple intrigued me even more!! Anyways, I say all of this to say that I ended up really liking Mara Sov. Marasenna, The Awoken of the Reef, and The Dreaming City were my first lore books I ever finished reading. I love how terrible she is, 10% of the time when she is viscerally vulnerable, and how complex she is. I am also obsessed with how her character relates to others such as: ofc Uldren/Crow, whatever freaky little friendship she got going on with Eris Morn, the parallels between her, Savathun, and Ikora as people who revolve their life around secrets, Petra and Sjur as her girlfriends wraths, and parallels to Caitl as rulers who rule very differently 9soon we see them interact in season of seraph...? bungo pls).

She has done so many morally reprehensible things. I can see why people don’t like her and can’t imagine her being likable, but unfortunately, I tend to really like terrible fictional characters. I have friends who are some of the kindest people I know and are extremely driven by selfish means. They were the ones who taught me that being selfish isn’t inherently bad and a person can be judged much more holistically. I’m not saying my friends are nearly in the same ballpark of being an egotistical, cold, and manipulative queen like Mara Sov, but that mix of good intentions in coexistence or clashing with selfish goals is familiar to me and I enjoy the moral struggle. That is a lot more interesting to me than being another NPC that just spouts quest objectives. Also to my more shallow tastes, I love a woman who would coldly step on me tyvm. Mara often fails and I would like to see her fail more, suffer the consequences of those failures, and succeed maybe like 50% of the time LOL I like women who are dominant but also fall from their dominance. I am very much a supporter of women’s rights and women’s wrongs LMAOOOOO (Note: I mean this last sentence for only fictional characters in case anyone decides to take this in bad faith. IRL war criminals are war criminals that deserve bad deaths regardless of gender.)

(I thought her hair was kinda ugly at first, but I got used to it so now I like it LOL)

Uldren Sov/Crow

I vaguely was aware of Uldren simply because of his relationship with Mara for awhile. Then I met Crow and realized “oh huh he’s clearly got a lot more going on then just being Mara’s brother”. Then I read Marasenna and realized his dynamic with Mara was a lot more complicated than I realized. I love complicated sibling relationships!! I thought it sucked that much of Uldren’s narrative arc happened in Forsaken which is now in the content vault and I can’t experience it for myself :^(((((. I recently finished reading The Forsaken Prince and thaaaat was really good wow. I wish we can see Jolyon in game considering he was an important person in Uldren’s life. Maybe it’ll happen whenever Crow decides to confidently approach the people that were important to his past life head-on. I really did enjoy the story when catching up on Season of the Risen and Haunted. During the Sever missions, I constantly kept going “omg Crow you’re going to let the little voice in your head keep saying things like that? Oooowww…” Like Uldren was mean afffff 😭 I understand the Crow fatigue for vet fans, but I just came in like a couple months ago so I am all ready to go to see what else the narrative team has in store for my guy. I am looking forward to his growth as his own person with a renewed sense of purpose. I didn’t realize Glint was important to Crow until revisiting dialogue during Season of the Lost and reading more of his lore so I didn’t include him in the drawing. If I ever make more of these charms, I’ll draw Glint in and maybe Petra (after studying up on her lore).

I am extremely mentally ill over the Sov siblings. By extension, I will soon be mentally ill over everything Awoken-related (I need to get on Petra Venj stuff holy moly), but I need to read more of their lore stuff first.

#destiny 2 #uldren sov #destiny crow #mara sov #my art #when you can hear the vulnerability in mara or crow's voice...#kirsten potter and brandon o' neill's power over me like my god

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leam1983 · 1 year

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So... I just saw Barbie

I'm not sure what to think, honestly.

What I do know is that the gifset representing the opinions of mediocre men that's going around is, indeed, representing mediocre opinions. If anything, the movie very indirectly acknowledges the fact that men are also victims of the Patriarchy as a concept. Allan's one big scene can be played for laughs, but it can also be used to underline that men do not, in fact, uniformly identify with what's come to define the concept of masculine identity. As for Michael Cera kicking the snot out of burlier men, well - that's nothing new. See Scott Pilgrim VS The World for more info.

On the other hand, Barbie's awakening and the other Barbies' losing themselves to rules more or less assigned to them by the male gaze feels like it's missing its goalposts a bit. I understand that America Ferrera's character more or less reaches her arc in defining the complexities and injustices of womanhood, but am I being naïve in assuming that there's more to it all, more that should be expressed but isn't?

My confusion sort of mirrors the movie, honestly: it's one-third exhortation, one-third celebration and one-third denunciation, and this sort of tonal mess underscores the fact that apart from the fact that Stereotypical Barbie does find herself, nothing of importance changes - and the malaise in Ken that's at the root of the movie's conflict isn't really given proper closure.

The movie ends with Barbie becoming Barbara Ann Handler and signifying her accession to full womanhood by going to the gynecologist - which I'm sure will strike plenty of women as being simplistic - and Ken is just told to... find himself. Somehow.

Considering how both characters began as ersatzes of human beings, shouldn't they both receive a transformative arc? All Ken does is follow along, fuck up majorly, cope and apologize - and retreat back to the rear.

It's so vague I'm afraid it'll enable a ton of misinformed readings from parties better left in the dark. Will Radfems feel spoken to by the possible undertones of uselessness that defines men in the movie's thesis? Will Incels feel vindicated and excused in their toxicity? Does the movie tear down Mattel's icon to Capitalism and gender roles, or does it say that things are really so much better when Barbie's in her nice clothes and in her Dreamhouse, not making a fuss?

Honestly, I don't think it's saying anything. It's too muddled. It wants to say something, sure, but it's a thing of many mouths and many of them spew truth as much as they do lies and exaggeration, if not while coyly eluding to feel-good reactionary crap. I think Greta Gerwig wanted to speak to everyone in Barbie's audience - from the kids who played with their dolls as intended to the weird ones who grilled off strands of hair using Mom's Zippo; to even the guys who picked up a Barbie out of inclination, boredom or curiosity. She also had to allay Corporate's fears, I'm sure, and toss in a bone for bored parents expecting their quota of referential humour for grown-ups...

It's a lot. This movie is, simply speaking, a lot.

I can't say it's bad. I can't say it's good, either. It's a thematic overload and its lack of focus - from my own personal perspective - sort of makes me want to ask who this was for.

Was it for me? I didn't play with Barbie dolls as a kid; I had a yen for Barbie's convertible! It was big enough for most of my figurines, so I gave its associated Barbie to my neighbor after buying it and then stuffed the fuschia conveyance with all manner of Crash Test Dummies, Ninja Turtles, LEGO and Playmobil figures! My Barbie convertible turned into the receptacle for Nickelodeon GAK slime! Barble herself never so much as stayed in my orbit! Instead, my softer, perhaps stereotypically less-"masculine" side came through my long-maintained interest and need for plushies.

Even more confusingly, none of this strikes me as a bad thing. The only thing that really comes to mind is that 1998's Pleasantville seems to want to address similar themes of self-discovery and self-refinement in ways that feel more cohesive.

So. Barbie.

It's made me feel things and ask questions. Two thumbs up for Greta Gerwig, I guess? The box-office sure seems to think so; quite likely deservedly!

#Barbie 2023 #thoughts

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terra-feminarum · 1 year

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Do you have any tips for people who are questioning political opinions? I am REALLY confused about all of this, should i be pro-queer or pro-radfem and i really wish i was the type of person to say "i dont care about this political shit". I am asking you this because you seem like a more considerate/kind radfem-alligned person.

I also want to make sure that i am actually not a newby radfem, it kinda went the opposite way. I was always more alligned with radfems, and now i am questioning everything. And its an everyday struggle, should i be trans, should i desist? First it started as an emotional "i dont want people to hate me and want to fit in" thing, but now i was actually seeing some rational things that queer community is saying (i actually want to send some of them to radfems/lgb blogs/i know the opposite way wont work) But i also want to say that still, queer community is inconsiderate of sex-based rights, it acting like afab/female people have nothing in common is wrong

Tbh the question has gone off the rails, i just really would like to hear your political journey, thanks

I think it's great you think about this. You don't have to pick either or. There isn't a finite number of political stances, but you can form your own opinions even if there might be no one else who thinks exactly the way you do. I consider it a lifelong journey. There will always be issues that might clash with something you've believed until now and you need to readjust. I consider these clashes very interesting: from these you will find the weak spots of your thinking, or things you don't have enough knowledge on and so on.

My political journey is still a work in progress, and having been an adamant trans rights activist and now having opinions on feminism that many would consider quite extreme, I am critical of my own thought and of how certain kind of echo chambers affect it; whether the echo chamber consists of trans people or radfems. Everything that induces a feeling of rage or superiority in me should be further inspected and I recommend this approach to everyone.

I think it's important to realize it's not "pro-queer" or pro-radfem. A lot of radfems are bi and lesbian women, many of whom are GNC, some of who are dysphoric, as you probably know. A lot of radical feminists are also against discrimination of trans people, as they consider trans people simply very GNC males and females. This is very much in line with gender abolitionism. So "queers" and radfems aren't the opposites some people see them to be.

But there is a conflict and the conflict of interest I see happening has at least three parts: 1) What does it mean to feminism when females/AFABs transition? What does it tell about how our society sees women? What kind of ideas does it enforce when masculine women transition? 2) Can males be considered women, or females as some of them claim to be, and can a male become female and thus have a say in female issues? and 3) Is the trans movement enforcing traditional gender roles rather than dissolving them?

The personal choice to transition or not to transition is a complex one. Personally I'm fairly sure the wish for females/AFABs to transition is often, if not always, connected to misogyny*. But the thing is, we can't have a world free of misogyny right now. Also, we can't rewire our brain from birth to understand a different kind of womanhood that we would feel comfortable in. The patriarchal idea of womanhood lives in our head to some extent whether we want it or not. Some of us have rougher surroundings than others when it comes to misogyny. Some of us have more resources to unpack what patriarchy has done to our self-image. So some of us will transition and it will be a personal relief, but it's not a victory for women and feminism.

[*How I conceptualize gender dysphoria is purely an opinion based on my own experiences and observations and if I would be given sufficient proof, I might change my opinion.]

One huge problem I see in the trans community is their misidentification of the actual enemy. Trans people are very prone to point their finger to the "TERF", women who allegedly want them all dead. Actual violence towards trans people and women has a common perpetrator: cis men, and in the case of feminist women, trans women are a real threat, too. So, it's males we all need to be afraid of, even those who are males themselves are primarily hurt by other males, not females. Radfems aren't violent, but radfems are blamed of the violence perpetrated by men. Somehow the it's the radfems who receive the death and rape threats, rather than the violent men. This is misogyny.

The problem with trans community is their lack of understanding of patriarchy and misogyny. A lot of them - past me included - thinks cis women are oppressors who hold as much power as cis men. From this point of view their hatred of radical feminism seem logical.

Now I'm just rambling. I haven't really come into a final conclusion about a lot of things. I think it's important to tolerate uncertainty when it comes to political opinions.

Of course this might land you into a place most people don't want to be in: trans people will consider you a TERF and radfems will consider you a TRA. But it's worth it to form your own opinions, and you are free to change what you think when you learn more. You can contradict yourself and later you can resolve those contradictions. It's not a purity contest nor a popularity contest. It's about finding out what you believe to be true, about defining your values, about practicing empathy towards yourself and others without succumbing to intellectual dishonesty or resorting to blind hate. Often it's about being able to be not liked by others. People tend to like others more when they agree with a certain set of ideas without questioning.

If you don't mind, I would be really interested to hear what kind of persuasive things you've learned that are in contradiction with radical feminism and what you think about them.

And good luck, I hope you find what works for you the best! Whatever you choose, I hope you will consider women's rights important in the future, too. If you choose to transition, you will still understand the radfem side better than most people on that side, and that position as an ideological bridge, or as an "ideological bilingual" is extremely important. Right now the polarization of societies is accelerating and considering or even learning about the stance of the "enemy" is considered almost impure, so I thank everyone who are willing to have actual dialogue, even if we might not agree.

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g0rechan · 1 year

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Tbh it always confused me that Benietsu literally SODOMIZED Midori in one scene, but then got hissy pissy when Muchisute tried to sexually abuse Midori himself

What if she wanted Midori to herself to sexually abuse but couldn’t do anything because they were both females? Small but unlikely theory 👀

Wait, I’m pretty sure that scene was a nightmare Midori was having??? Like, it was made obvious it wasn’t happening?

I’m pretty sure Benietsu doesn’t have “voodoo powers” like the villains wiki said, cuz if she did she would be using that as part of her act and they wouldn’t have made such a big deal when they saw Masa using his powers and all.

I actually thought that part where Benietsu defends Midori was pretty interesting…

It was implied that Kanabun had r*ped Midori in one scene… I dunno if Akaza and Benietsu r*ped Midori, but it was implied that they may have m0lested her. Like I said in a past post, it was implied these three have sexually abused her at least once.

It's a bit of a reach, but I don’t think the freaks sans Muchsiute are sexually attracted to Midori. Instead, it stemmed from their limited life experiences—only involving sex, violence, and being exploited. Then, Midori, an untainted individual unfamiliar with those aspects, entered the circus. The freaks wanted to impose their erotic and grotesque lifestyle on her. From their perspective, they didn't perceive it as “overly negative”, because this all they know at this point. If that makes sense?

I'm not excusing their behavior or attempting to rationalize any of their actions. I'm only examining them as characters, as I believe they possess more depth than just being cruel.

I'm just tired of people claiming that the freaks are one-dimensional abusers and that their character designs were wasted. While it's true they have their unpleasant traits, there's a deeper complexity to consider.

I love how Suehiro Maruo crafted unique dynamics between Midori and each of the freaks, each of them displaying distinct motivations for their interactions with her.

I find Benietsu intriguing. Despite her abusive tendencies and long list of irredeemable traits, we've witnessed moments where she displayed kindness, like the scene mentioned earlier and when she complimented Midori before leaving the circus. This suggests she might fit the "jerk with a heart of gold" trope, as described on TV Tropes. It's clear that she doesn't seem to hate Midori or anything; her demeanor stems from the life she's led. Like I said though, it doesn’t make her a good person or excuses her actions.

Kanabun appears to struggle with his own gender identity and channels his insecurities by bullying Midori.

Due to his sexual obsession with her, Muchisute r*pes Midori under the belief that this is a way to express love and affection.

Again, I’m not defending them or anything, I’m only suggesting that their actions might stem from their own experiences and backgrounds rather than simply being one-dimensional as people may claim.

Bc Shoujo tsubaki isn’t just a shock ero-Guro fest, it’s core is rooted in its characters and the implications it carries.

(I’m sorry for turning this into a ramble, I’ve just been needing to get this off my chest for a while…. Ofc, this is just my opinion).

#shoujo tsubaki #midori: shoujo tsubaki #丸尾末広 #mr. arashi's amazing freak show #midori: the camellia girl #eroguro #tokkuriji muchisute #muchisute #kanabun #benietsu #少女椿 #midori hanamura #akaza #guro #suehiro maruo #90s anime

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thaoeatworld · 6 months

Text

A Safe Place

TW/CW: Transphobia, Racism

As a child, my favourite book series was Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events." Across 13 books and a small collection of extra material, including a pseudo autobiography, Lemony Snicket (or Daniel Handler) detailed the struggles and triumphs of three, hyper-intelligent, orphans, trying to navigate a wicked world. As they end up in rather compromising situations, the children hold onto the hope that they will find, as Handler writes, "the last safe place".

This so called "safe place" was collectively imagined by the children as a santuary nestled away in nature, away from all the injustice and morally corrupt people they've been encountering. There, they would be at peace and protected. However, as they reach this location, they realise by ignoring the treacheries of the world, they would be also trapped. They would be forced to passify their interest in bettering th world and to accept falsehoods as fact. In the end, they acknowledge that nothing can be simply packed into neat boxes -- things are more complex than they appear is the take away.

For a series I started reading in elementary school, and occasional revisit as an adult, I now recognise that these were some intense themes I was dealing with. I bring them up now, because I find myself accidentally in a similar idealistic thought bubble when it comes to "safety". To some extent, like Violet, Klaus, and Sunny -- I flattened the realities of the world we're living in into binaries of "safe" and "not safe". And in doing so, I left myself in quite a vulnerable position and I suppose this essay is how I am processing it.

It's been almost 8 years since I've come out as non-binary. It happened in a quite cliche way as I often joke -- with a mental breakdown and shaving all my hair off during my year abroad. With a buzzcut, I struggled a lot with my image and understanding of self. I realised I hid a lot of my frustrations and confusions about performing womanhood, woman-ness, and everything in between behind my long hair.

Growing up, both my parents were very militant in this way about femininity. My mother's insights felt more like a typical assertion of either my sister or I being in her image. I also think, as I grow older, it had a lot to do with her experience under the Khmer Rouge regime where they cut all her hair cut as an attempt of standardisation under communism plus a detterent for lice. Either way, long hair, specifically on me, meant a lot to my mother.

On the otherhand, it meant a lot to my father as well -- though in a more annoyingly patriarchal sense. Some gems he said to me a sa child, which now I realise were a part of my gender unraveling of sorts, include: "You're a girl, you need to have pretty long hair." "You're a princess, you can't be anything else." "You can't skate because you'll mess up your legs and men won't like that." What a guy.

One of my cousins was equally as culpable in my gender-unraveling. She used to bully me, my sister, and my other cousin using nicknames meant to harm us. She used to call me "boy" because she felt that I wasn't "girl" enough. Simplistic, enough. Straight to the point. I was definitively not-girl.

Regardless, and expectedly, I resented all of that. It took me 12 years of being out of the closet (knew I was a little fruity at 10 years old, but who wouldn't be after doing so much theatre and being around so many virbrant human beings?) and a handful of gender studies courses to realise I was, well, a bit different. I had my "moment". I shaved off all my hair, focused on performing adrogyny, and updated all my social media account bits where you could add pronouns. I had a very underwhelming conversation with my family members, who still occasionally misgender me to this day. I embraced my perpetual struggle with gender quite openly.

Throughout my graduate studies, I met many wonderful queer people who nourished and celebrated the essence of me that I was still figuring it out. I am grateful for that. However, this journey was not without issues. Upon moving to Italy I faced an impossible struggle with a gendered language and way of life. I found solice in queer-coded spaces like roller derby and rollerskating. Somewhere along that assimilation into my "Italian" layer of myself, I stopped being andrognyous. I stopped thinking that I had to care, because people were already getting EVERYTHING wrong about me because I wasn't fluent in Italian. My appearance of being brown and a migrant (who sucked at Italian) superceded my priority to be acknowledged and identified by my queerness. It was just another confusing layer for most people who weren't that close to me anyway.

It's not to say I have no friends in Italy, because that is factually untrue. It is simply to say that I acknowledge that in the midst of my actual combatative moments of racism, ableism, and arguable emotional trauma from certain authority figures, that I was not experiencing myself, and therefore my gender, in full. I was a shell of a person. I often reflect on this in relation to my romantic break-up with my ex. I think "Well do I blame him? I was a shell of a person during my PhD so why would I want to stay together while he turns into a shell?" Perhaps that just something I tell myself to sleep at night, but to be clear: I am very happy and I wish him all the best in his personal journey.

Anyways, when I received my first academic position, I decided I was going to re-assert my claim towards my gender. I openly explained I was non-binary, to everyone. I was not going to be supressed by the social structures around me, and quite frankly I think the Netherlands was quite supportive of that (or so I thought). In my eyes, I was reclaiming control of myself, after years of well, not being myself.

So far so good I thought. Nothing egregious happened. Somehow I was expecting people to be very actively transphobic, I mean transphobes are EVERYWHERE. What transpired next, is a bit more slow burn, and harmful in its own minute ways.

In class and to my peers I always emphasise that I don't "keep score" for misgendering. I don't. However what I curiously noticed is that by being open about being non-binary, there was a shift in "carefulness" and emotional labour. More times than not, I ended up consoling people for misgendering me, despite me being very open that it was a joint learning process. I had more people looking at me for validation that I personally judged them to not be a shitty person. I had to tiptoe around conversations about LGBTQ+ and "gender stuff" because everyone's eyes were bulging in my direction whenever it came up. In some way, it felt like they were trying to gauge "how far" I am on the radical-queer-human-political-spectrum. Um yeah, okay, we're all a monolith I guess.

As a lecturer it's very public-facing and intimate. My whole job is being on display for students to stare at, contest, and pick at. I am the first point of contact when they're pissed at course work, methods, or anything relating to their learning. I'm not afraid of this -- of course. As a performer in cabaret, drag, and an avid science communicator. I'm used to being in the spotlight. Also, as someone who has fought very ruthlessly to escape my marginalising contexts, I'm used to it. However, this does not mean I'm fully equipped to handle every situation nor be capable of enduring long spans of pain and suffering.

And yet here we are. I have recently come to face with situations which have caused me to critically reflect on, and genuinely feel pain about the dual responsibility that comes with being out, and open, as "the queer lecturer". Much of the criticism from the "far right" (whatever that could mean) is that we're in an age where "everyone is queer". This always makes me laugh, naturally. We have always existed. LBGTQ+ people have always existed! We were just actively ignored, oppressed, and murdered throughout history. Do you know how terrible that is? Imagine having the capacity to just acknowledge that you have the opportunity to exist without thread of being senselessly harmed, outright murdered, or a focal point of distress and shame for loved ones. Imagine being able to just be, without having your guard up. Imagine. Imagine the toll this has on LGBTQ+ people every second. I'm not here to fetishise my own sadness nor other LGBTQ+ people. I'm just here to ruminate a bit on the weight which many of us, carry internally.

I feel that one of my responsibilities is to be an example to my students, but also a resource for those who relate to me and my identities. I am a safe place for people like me. That's so much work isn't it? Not only am I bound to be a good educator, I'm also entangled in the micro-politics of being a "good" person to so many kinds of people. I'm a "box-checker" for crying out loud. I'm first generation American and university student. I'm brown. I'm queer. I'm disabled. I'm an immigrant. I'm from a working class background. My parents are refugees. I'm probably some sick "progressives" wet dream. These are the pains I carry, histories which shape the very foundation with how I see, engage with, and experience the world. It's so much.

It's impossible to please everyone. I know that. I'm sure everyone knows that to some degree. But all I wish, genuinely, as I lay here very sick with the weight of the stress I am feeling on my entire being that I could stop apologising to everyone for being human. Even when I am physically sick from stress and pressure, it is impossible for me to tear myself away from "work". This just links back to my reflections on burning out doesn't it. Have I begun to burn out again? Is this the initiation of another unraveling? The GENDER edition?

I'm not sure. I hope not. Because I learned nothing before, so what can I learn this go around? Pedro in his attempts to console me these last few days remarked "I'm sure you'll learn something at the end of this." Will I? Will I learn to be "stronger" perhaps? Why must I be hard when I am so effortlessly soft? I enjoy my tenderness within the world, it allows me make such meaningful connections with ideas, people, and things.

In this moment of concern I wanted to shave my hair again. My mom always told me that in Khmer culture, we shave our heads when there has been a great pain. People often do it as a part of funeral rites, for close family members. I watched my aunts, uncles, and cousins shave their heads when my grandpa passed away. When my mom went through a fissure in her relationship with a sibling, she shaved her head. It is how I guess, "my people" and I mourn and grieve. If I shave my head, will people stop misgendering me? If I shave my head will my students see me as a "stronger" resource or "safe place"? These are some of the thoughts that rattled my brain. I haven't cut my hair yet, but I'm still thinking about it.

#blog #genderqueer #nonbinary #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #academia

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sneales · 3 years

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Hii can I request one for jjk boys where they reject your confession initially but as time goes on they fall for you and regret that rejection

💔 JJK BOYS REJECTING YOUR CONFESSION (AND REGRETTING IT LATER) + HEADCANONS 💔

Characters: Gojo, Nanami, Itadori, Megumi, Yuta, Sukuna, Toji, gender neutral reader

Genre: romance

Warnings: grammar mistakes, mention of sex in Sukuna and Toji’s parts (I don’t know how you can write about them without mentioning sex lmao)

Notes: Hello anon, actually my hugest headcanon for a Gojo x reader is that he rejects the confession at first (I’d like to expand it some day and write a proper fanfiction, but I wonder when I’ll have enough time to do that lol). I chose the characters I usually write about, I hope that’s ok :)

→Requests are open!

Gojo

I think he’s interested in you in a “I want to spend a night with this person” way, but he doesn’t really try to pursue you because he realized you have deeper feelings for him.

He flirts with you from time to time, but he soon pulls away, leaving you confused.

You know you can’t expect much from someone like him, but you also feel there’s something between you two so you decide to confess.

He’s a bit baffled because he was not expecting you’d be brave enough to confess.

Anyway, as expected, he rejects you.

I feel Gojo is a bit oblivious of his own feelings and kinda scared of commitment and intense relationships, so it will take him a lot of time before realizing that he made a mistake.

You’ll probably have plenty of time to get over him, find another good person and even begin a serious relationship.

And he’ll realise how important you were for him exactly when he’s so close to losing you forever.

He decides to keep his feelings for himself at first, because he knows he was a prick and confessing now that you’re happy with someone else would be very uncool.

But this doesn’t last long, he’s used to fight for what he wants and being considerate and self-sacrificing is not like him.

He confesses and you might probably get angry. You’ll think he’s just being whimsical and selfish like always.

But the truth is that he has always cared for you and you were rejected the first time because he couldn’t love you the way you needed to.

Now he confesses because he knows he’s serious and he feels confident about his feelings. He knows he can make you happy.

Nanami

He tries to be as kind as possible when he rejects you.

Honestly, this makes you almost fall harder for him because he’s so considerate.

Nanami thinks of you as a good friend and a good person but I feel he’s someone who needs a lot of time before really falling for anybody and consider a relationship.

So confessing to him was probably a smart choice, since now he can’t help but picture you two in a relationship.

He needs to slowly warm up to the idea and he might realize his mistake when he thinks that being with you is comfortable and fun.

He probably feels a bit embarassed now because he knows he has made a huge mistake.

I’m sure you’ll forgive him lol

Itadori

He’ll probably feel very flattered to hear your words but he’s not ready for a relationship.

He wasn’t really expecting that since he thought of the two of you only as friends, but that definitely makes him think about many things.

It’s interesting for him that you like him, he probably wonders why him, or what is special about him.

He’s sure there must be cooler guys out there. I think he feels a bit grateful and almost proud (?) like “hey, this great person likes me! isn’t it amazing?”, it was a huge boost to his confidence basically.

He realizes he’s catching feelings for you when Nobara tells him that it was stupid to reject you if he was so happy you liked him.

He’s probably “???” when Nobara tells him that. He’ll definitely look on google “how to understand if you have a crush on your friend”.

He’ll be honest about his feelings with you, he’ll tell you about his confusion, about how cool he thinks you are and about how happy you were when you told him you liked him.

Little by little he’ll understand he loves you back.

Megumi

Like Nanami, he’ll be very polite when he rejects you.

At first he might feel a bit uncomfortable if you are around, but he’ll try his best to behave normally.

He is worried you like him only because of his looks and his strength. He doesn’t think he has any other good quality.

He’s probably thinking you idealized him and you’ll soon forget about him.

I think some persistence here might work. He won’t believe you if you simply tell “I like you”, but you should be more specific, for example “I like how kind you are” or “You got angry because you wanted me to be less reckless, right?”

Megumi likes compassionate people, he doesn’t need anything else. So he wants to be liked in the same way, he wants to be loved for what he really is.

Show him you can read right through his soul, show him that you can go beyond his looks, his power and his difficult personality.

I think that being understood and accepted for who he really is will make him fall for you.

Yuta

He was so close to accept your confession because he hates hurting you, but he knows that would be wrong.

He feels as if he’s done the worst thing to you, so instead of distancing himself a bit from you, or becoming more careful with you, he actually begins hanging around you more often.

He often asks you if you’re ok or if you need anything.

You tell him it’s ok and he doesn’t need to be so concerned, it’s as if he is the one that got rejected lol

He can’t help thinking about you, and your confession opened him to new scenarios.

He has always considered you as his favourite person, but does that mean he likes you? How thin is the line between a person you like as a friend and a person you like as a lover?

When he’ll realize that maybe he likes you back, he’ll feel so bad about it and so stupid, if only he had realized it faster you wouldn’t have suffered because of him.

Nonetheless, he tells his feelings to you and you begin dating, but I think a part of him will always feel bad about the rejection.

Sukuna

I really appreciate your courage, I’m sure you don’t fear rejection because if you confess to him he won’t have any delicacy when he turns you down.

But… he thinks you’re really hot so he’ll propose some sex to you.

Now it’s your turn to reject him, you know him too well and you don’t want to be used by him.

Sukuna was never rejected, so I think this will give him a lot of complex feelings.

You just said you liked him, but you don’t want to sleep with him? Are you crazy?

Being unable to fulfill his desires simply make him desire for you more and more.

To the point he’ll tell you “You can keep liking me, but lemme f*ck you” and that’s ok for you, you can’t expect a more romantic line from him lmao

Toji

You need the same amount of courage you had when you confessed to Sukuna.

He thinks you’re hot too, but honestly your feelings are a nuisance for him, he doesn’t want anything serious with you.

Unlike Sukuna, he can keep his lust under control, so really even if he’s desperate for some sex, his decision to keep you at distance is more important than his instincts.

He really needs a change of mind before realising he made a mistake.

I think you really need to be a smart player here too, like Sukuna was stirred up by your rejection, here you should probably stick close to him.

The hardest Toji wants to think about something else, the closer you should try to get to him.

Seduce him, invite him, use every weapon you have because he’ll surrender to his urges sooner or later.

Persistence works and it feels like conquering a walled city.

#gojo x reader #nanami x reader #itadori x reader #fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #yuta x reader #sukuna x reader #toji x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #key word for the fushiguros: persistence

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affectiondeficitdisorder · 2 years

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AM I A LOVE ADDICT, A FREYSEXUAL, OR JUST A JERK?

One of my less attractive traits as a sex and love addict is that, as delighted as I am by the “getting to know you, getting know all about you” honeymoon phase of a relationship, is exactly how bored I am by the “I’ll do the cooking, you do the dishes” longterm phase of relationship. The unknown intrigues me. The known does not. Falling in love is intoxicating. Being in love is… nice.

This is why I make a great girlfriend and a lousy wife. And you can ask any of my ex-husbands about that.

This, I have come to believe, is an artifact of both my personality and my brain chemistry. There is a reason I have the attention span of a gnat, that I like things that are sparkly and new. I would rather climb a learning curve than repeat a task I am already good at. This is because my brain is and always has been a quart low on dopamine, and I will do most anything for a nice squirt of anticipation. “Wow! You could be amazing!” is simply more appealing to my neurons than “Hey. You’re okay!”… even though I do know that most of the time you’re not going to be amazing at all.

Now, cocaine used to handle this dopamine deficiency pretty well, but it turned out to have negative side effects. Jail, for one. And I don’t take ADD meds because they’re essentially speed and I’d rather not stick my hand into that flame again. So I was actually relieved to learn about sex and love addiction. I am not just a crap spouse; I am acting out Characteristic #5 of the Twelve Characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction: “We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.”

According to the tenets of SLAA and other S-programs, my terror isn't so much of boredom. No, when you dig down deep it’s more a fear of standing still long enough to truly be seen, really be known. It’s that old bugaboo, low self-esteem. Self-loathing. If you really knew me, you would leave me, so I’ll leave first thank you very much. I can work with that! Sure, it can be a slog, working a 12-step program on something. All that love and service and showing up and telling the truth. But it worked with the drugs and alcohol — for me and a kajillion other people — so why shouldn’t it work with this?

Then, around 2017, the word “freysexual” started getting some play. It came out of the LGBTQ+ conversation under the “+” umbrella, as a subset of ACE, or asexuality. A freysexual — sometimes (incorrectly) spelled fraysexual — is someone who loses sexual interest in someone once they get to know them. The old-school straight cis guy Madonna-Whore Complex is a subset of this. My old contention that “novelty is the best aphrodisiac” is almost a definition of freysexual.

There is even a freysexual flag: blue, cyan, white and grey in horizontal bars, similar to the asexual flag:

(Official explainer: The blue and cyan represent less familiar relationships. The white represents a lack of attraction. The grey represents the grey area in between and the confusion that freysexual people feel when their feelings disappear.)

So… is my pattern of acting out on what I see as sex and love addiction simply a variation of sexual attraction, something that should be normalized the same way being gay or bi is normalized? There are more than 75 gender/sexual identities floating around at the moment. Is a freysexual bouncing from one short-term romance to the next no more selfish than a sapiosexual attracted to intelligence, or a demisexual seeking deep romantic bonds? Or is my behavior just your basic addict immaturity?

The trick, say people who talk about this stuff, is to be up front about your sexual identity. Closeted gay guys dating clueless women is a no-no. Polyamorous people agreeing to monogamous relationships and then cheating is shitty. I suppose a freysexual could do a full disclosure: “Hey, I’m probably going to get bored of you pretty quick, but don’t take it personally, it’s just my sexual identity.” But I’m not sure it would help.

I’ve been giving it some thought, and here’s my opinion: As someone who has suffered from this behavior — and I do mean suffered, because it frequently sucks — I’m convinced this is not something to normalize. I think it’s something to heal from. And I believe that healing is possible, so I will continue on that path.

However… I do change my opinions based on new information. We can keep the discussion open. I’ll let you know if I run into mister “Hey, you’re okay!” anytime soon.

#freysexual #love addiction #love addict #sex addict #relationship #romance #fall in love #infatuation

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winterscaptain · 4 years

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spoiled.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: happy valentine’s day!

words: 2.1k warnings: language, over-the-top valentine’s day shenanigans

summary: “the best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.” - nicholas sparks. au!february 2012

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next?

Aaron leaves rather early in the morning, leaving you in bed complaining with only a kiss for your trouble.

When you eventually get up, on track to be about fifteen minutes late to the federal building, you find a pair of post-its on the fridge.

Always the romantic.

+++

The evening rolls around and finds you on the couch with Jess and Jack.

“You gonna start getting ready?” Jess asks. “You’ve got a long night ahead of you.”

You look over at her. “Wait. He told you what we’re doing?”

She nods. “Yeah. You have no idea. He hasn’t done a big Valentine’s Day thing since he surprised Haley in her senior year of college. He’s been looking for an excuse.”

That’s terrifying.

“Guess I better get ready then.”

Jack’s got a funny little smile on his face, but you ignore it. You’re sure the Hotchner boys are in cahoots, but it’s not really worth it to try and wiggle anything out of him.

You head to the master bedroom to get dressed, throwing off your slouchy day-off clothes in favor of something that can take you to a fancy dinner and whatever else Aaron has planned for your evening.

+++

You walk out of the apartment, hearing Jess lock the door behind you. When you reach the front of the apartment complex, Aaron closes the car door as he hops out, meeting you halfway to the sidewalk.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

He’s wearing a black button-up, black slacks, and his favorite pair of black oxfords. It’s a sharp look and one he knows you love.

“You’re looking quite dapper yourself, sir.”

The boyish grin on his face melts your heart and you take the arm he offers. Like a real gentleman, he opens the door for you and makes sure you’re inside before closing you in.

+++

The drive is quiet. You ask about the office once or twice, but it’s clear there’s nothing significant to report.

“So...what are we doing tonight?”

He glances at you out of the corner of his eye. “Dinner. And a few other things.”

+++

When he says ‘dinner,’ he’s not joking. The restaurant is a high-end, no-prices-on-the-menu type of place. The lighting is low, the environment cozy and quiet.

He must have planned this months ago. Reservations are like gold on Valentine’s Day.

Aaron’s squinting at the menu across from you. It makes you laugh.

“Need a flashlight and your reading glasses?”

“Shut up.” It comes with his own laugh, but he’s still squinting.

You finally decide on something and order, trusting Aaron’s taste in wine. When the waiter leaves, Aaron reaches across the table for your hand.

“Okay,” he says. You recognize his tone - it’s professional, like he’s starting a press conference. “No work, no kids, no serial killers.”

You smile, waiting for him to give you a little more context.

“How are you?”

What a question.

How often does the answer to that question not include work, kids, or serial killers?

Not very.

“I’m good.” You mean it. “I’m really good.”

There’s a small smile on his face. “Why?”

Are you profiling me now, Hotch?

Deciding to give him shit, you ask, “Why am I good, or is that a more general existential question?”

He rolls his eyes and you relent.

“Alright. Well…” You take a breath. “There are a lot of things to be happy about. You, for one thing.”

“Me?” He asks. He looks genuinely surprised.

Fool.

“Yes, you.” You squeeze his hand. “You are my best friend and somehow - somehow - I’ve landed you as my partner. I am living out everything I dreamed of at twenty-five.”

That pulls another smile from him. “Really?” Again, he looks genuinely surprised.

Can’t believe I’ve never told this to him.

Ridiculous

“Oh yeah. I can’t believe you never noticed. I had a huge crush on you - instantly. Derek gave me nothing but hell once he figured it out.” You pause. “Do you remember that time on the plane, really early on, when I woke up and everyone thought I had a nightmare?”

Looking a little confused by your change in direction, and you don’t blame him.

“I think so? I remember we all felt so bad.” He shrugs. “We all get them, of course - still do - but we were worried about you.”

“Right. So -”

Aaron’s head tilts to the left as he interrupts you. “Did you say ‘everyone thought’ it was a nightmare?”

Your face gets hot and you suddenly regret bringing this up at all. “Yeah. I’m getting to that.”

With an embarrassed huff, you continue. “So, it wasn’t a nightmare.”

“No?” The question comes accompanied by a frown.

“No. It was a sex dream. About you.”

You can tell he’s doing his best to hide his smile for your benefit, but there’s a threatening dimple that gives him away and you’ve simply known him too long for him to get away with anything.

“Really?” His tone is neutral, polite, but you can hear the humor behind the apparently bland interest.

“Yep.”

“What - if I may ask - was it about? Specifically?”

You take a breath and adopt the same kind of ironic professionalism as Aaron. “Well, now it doesn’t seem so notable, because i’m more than familiar with your, um, technique.”

And it’s true. Though you hardly remember the details of the dream anymore - it's been years - you know that real life doesn’t even come close.

Aaron pulls his hand from yours and steeples his fingers under his chin. He’s the picture of interest, so you continue.

“The key points are as follows -”

He holds up a finger, and you stop. “On second thought,” he says. “I think this recollection would be better served by a demonstration.”

You nod. “You’re probably right.”

“I’ll pencil it in.”

You grin at each other for a moment, the back-and-forth of it so deeply on brand you can’t help but steep in it for a second.

“So,” he says, “as you were saying before…?”

“Right.”

Back to business.

“I had a huge crush on you and could swear you were the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”

Never one to forgo an opportunity to compliment him when he’s not actively swatting at you, you continue.

“In the lecture you gave with Gideon and Derek, I knew you were in charge before you said anything. Even though Gideon had the years and experience on you, it was clear that everything came through you.” You attempt to explain the inarticulable. “There’s a kind of steadiness - one you still have - that radiates off of you.”

The two of you sit in that for a moment.

You continue. “And then, of course, when we met again I had to really focus on not making an ass of myself in front of Strauss.”

He laughs. His laughter makes you laugh, of course. It’s so much higher than his speaking register, so delightful in its unexpectedness.

“Okay, okay.” You stop, covering your face with your hands. “Okay this is cheesy. Promise not to laugh.”

His eyebrows rise and he forces his mouth into something that only threatens a dimple once more.

“When you shook my hand in Radner’s office, there was this crazy jolt of energy or something that just flew up my arm. It was wild. I’ve never been able to forget it, almost like a flashbulb memory.”

As promised, he doesn’t laugh. There is, however, a kind of wonder in his eyes when he replies, “You felt that, too?”

+++

After dinner (and dessert), Aaron takes your hand and ushers you into the car when you leave the lod. He doesn’t turn the way you expect.

“Where are we going?”

The dashboard casts a glow on his face. You can still spot a dimple in the dark. “You’ll see.”

+++

Your disbelief only grows when you go deeper into the city and pull up to the Hay-Adams. The valet opens the door for you, while Aaron hands over the keys to his SUV. Once all the details are covered, you take his arm again and let him guide you into the lobby.

It’s expansive. The Hay-Adams is, of course, one of the most historic buildings in the district and considered one of the best hotels on the East Coast by people who know of these things.

Aaron confirms the reservation and gets the room cards before promptly finding the elevator and swiping in for the seventh floor. You look down, remembering your attire at the last minute.

“Aaron, I don’t have my go bag.”

He shakes his head, still looking forward. “Don’t need it.”

You scoff.

He doubles down. “Do you trust me?”

Stupid question.

“Of course.”

“Go with it. I’m trying to spoil you.” He turns and presses his lips to yours, taking your face in his hand. Against your mouth, he says, “Let me.”

+++

The room is gorgeous - a one bedroom suite with a living room, balcony, and kitchenette, a huge couch dominates the center of the open living area, opposite an impressive television. Through the open door, you catch a glimpse of a king-sized bed.

This must have cost a small fortune.

As if reading your mind, Aaron takes your hand and tugs you forward. You land against his chest and he smiles at you. “Don’t think too hard. Come with me.”

You follow him out to the balcony and the view takes your breath away. The White House, well-lit in the D.C. nighttime, sits right across the street. From here, you can see Lafayette Square - beyond it, almost the whole city.

When you come back to yourself, you realize there’s an outdoor loveseat and a small table, holding champagne (on ice) and chocolate-covered fruit.

Champagne, chocolate, fancy dinner… The whole nine.

Spoiled indeed.

Aaron sits, pulling you down beside him. He pours two glasses of champagne - mostly for show, and moves the bucket to the ground. The fruit goes off to the side table and his feet go up on the small table, crossing at the ankles. You curl up against him, tucking under his arm.

“Do you like it? Too much?”

You can hear the genuine insecurity behind his cheeky question. You press a kiss to the back of his hand. “I love it. It is too much, but it’s very thoughtful. You twist to kiss the underside of his jaw. “Thank you.”

With that, the two of you settle in, quietly enjoying the company and the quiet. It’s cold, but with the outdoor heater, it’s comfortable enough that you don’t need your coat.

“Okay.”

Aaron sits up. “Yes?”

“You asked, so it’s only fair. No work, no kids, no serial killers. How are you?”

He pulls you over so you’re sitting across his lap. You rest your head on his shoulder, your hand smoothing over the soft fabric of his button-up before placing it over his heart.

“I’m good,” he says. “I’m really good.”

“Why?” You feel a little like a parrot, but you’re sure that’s what he’s going for.

“I can’t...quite articulate how lucky I feel.”

That’s relatable.

“I’m happy to be here with you.” He shakes his head - a pensive gesture. “I never thought I could make it here again.”

“Where?” You ask.

“In love, happy, facing a future that doesn’t scare me. My son is happy, safe...I wasn’t sure I'd ever have any of that again after losing Haley.”

He pauses and you can feel a little sardonic smile. You don’t have to see it to know it’s there. His next admission, though, surprises you.

“I accepted that I would be a bystander in your life a long time ago. I accepted that I would likely remain a widower, a single father. I knew you’d be around and that I would be your friend, but I made peace with the idea that I’d never have you right here.” He squeezes you twice, in time with his words. It makes you smile.

He shakes his head and lets out a little laugh. “I’m not sure it’ll ever sink in.”

You feel much the same, but it's kind of at once alarming and amusing to hear him so beautifully articulate feelings that so closely resemble your own.

You lean back to look at him. “I’m glad you were wrong.”

He places a gentle finger under your chin and kisses you, long and languid. It’s a promise. After a little while, he leans back, brushing the back of his fingers over your cheek.

“Me too.”

+++

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