#my friends will grieve me
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I wish i wasnt a burden even in death.
#it really sucks#im a burden being aliev and when i die ill still carry a fucking toll#my friends will grieve me#my roommate will face debt and evictipn alone#i dont think suicide is selfish#but at the same time#i know why it is selfish#i know that when i die there will be consequences and i just.. im reaching a point where i cant#if i live it sucks#but if i die at least i wont be in pain anymore#people always say “there ar epeople that love u!” when they comfort suicidal people#i know why thats a false comfort now#i know there are people that do#but i dont know if i can handle this pain anymore#that statement just brings guilt#not comfort#bc i know what they do and it wont be enough bc friends are a small fraction compared to eberything else that happens in life#my friends can try so hard#i will not live a nice life#itd be a relief honestly#to know they wont have to deal with me long term#exceot theyw ill#bc what is more long term then grief#im miserable.
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#hey waiter? yeah i'll take ten more of these fucked up little blond bitches#he's talking about tim in this image btw (bc he has no friends in canon🤫)#my favorite hc ever is that bear unpromted just drops horrifying lore in convos#and he also refuses to elaborate. dad style. and tim has to red string it all together#tim has soooo many questions and bear refuses to answer#t: what do you mean that for 6 months you were addicted to cocaine????? what does that /mean/?????#b: oh yeah i've been buried alive before#tim who turned his head so fast he got whiplash: .....what?#bear‚ half out of it: there's so much blood on my hands tim. i'll never be clean#tim: *genuinely doesnt know if bear is talking about grieves‚ the cult‚ or smth else that happened during their separation*#anyway bear spending like 6 months to a year in heavy counseling/rehab before he got together with tim is canon to me#ill expand on that later#bernard dowd
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I think a lot of the meta about Orym forgets that Orym isn't just an adventurer, he is a former bodyguard. His self worth is tied up in how well he can protect people and especially his loved ones. Thats why he sold his future to a hag, because its all he had left to give in order to be able to help.
Thats also why he seems so angry after FCG's death.
Otohan has killed his husband and father. Then him. Then he is brought back and told she also killed Fearne and Laudna. She killed Eshteross. She almost kills Keyleth. Now FCG has to sacrifice himself to save them all and kill Otohan and Orym was knocked out for it.
His job is to protect people and even with the added power from Nana Morri, it's still not enough. 6 years later and his loved ones are still dying and he can do nothing but watch.
#cr spoilers#critical role#orym#they have all lost people and are all grieving#but i have seen a lot of people saying he isnt acknowledging other people grief#give him a week to cool down#i see this like laudna when the groups rejoined and she was mad at the other team for having a nice trip#bor'dor was traumatic for all three of them for different reason#but her killing him and leaning into delilah specifically set her off in a way it didnt with the others and they got that#thats also whats happening here#otohan dying from a friend sacrificing themselves to save them all sets orym off#its not just grief this is tied into his everything#like i said#i will argue that a good 95% of his self worth is how well he can serve others#he has chosen to be their protector and everyone is dying#there is no closure to be found in otohans death because he failed even with the power from nana morri#and before anyone jumps on the 'orym fans cant take criticisms'#please just block me#i am being reactionary because people annoyed me#let me do that in peace#i wanna be sad about my little guy
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the fact that people still use the "no one would talk to a friend that way" "no one would grieve for someone like that if it was just platonic" etc arguments to prove a ship is canon is so annoying to me. yes i get it, we got queerbaited hard but where does it say that romance has to be higher than a friendship or no one said friends couldn't also be lovers or vice versa....? i normally say "popular media tropes that usually are for romance" when i talk about fiction but pulling a blanket statement like "NO ONE talks to a friend that way" is so invalidating to so much of our queer experiences. the beauty of queer friendship literally lies in the emotional fulfilment we get from our friends in a way that i don't normally see in cishet friendships for whatever reasons. so idk it's just been bothering me to see these kinds of posts every now and then. "you wouldn't do [x] for your friends" i would actually. i would sell my soul for them. i would kill for them and kill myself for them. i would do anything for my friends that i would do for a partner. the "proof" for a ship doesn't have to be by invalidating their friendship. also like aren't most of the ships so powerful when they're also each other's closest friends? do y'all not think of your partners as your best friends?
#sorry for the rant#i know that popular media tropes have changed our mindset on romqnce#it wasn't a thing in my country but now the dating scene is so westernised that it's the same here#im not saying people can't experience romance or friendship differently#in the context of queer people specifically i've noticed that most people struggle to differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings#and often feel a mixture of both or somewhere outside both#it's intense! Regardless#I'm also trying not to invalidate romance or people that experience it totally separately from friendships#but i genuinely wonder#do you stop being friends with the person you're dating#how does thay make sense#them not being your bestest friend?#anyways I'm aroace and in a qpr#maybe i'm just a little sensitive#but queer people also talking in a very heteronormative of looking at romance also confuses me#are we really putting a tag on how much someone grieves???#first of all human relationships dont work that way!!#there's no need to place them in different positions#it's not a competition#every relationship is unique to the two people involved in it#only they can categorize their relationship not outsiders
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i just keep thinking about harley getting to know the truth about why peter is alone and finding out why people don't remember him and for a moment thinking he's glad he got to meet him after everything went down and immediately feel guilt and shame because its not fair peter went through so much pain and had to leave everyone he knew behind but,,,, just thinking about meeting each other before and getting to know peter and then completely forget him makes his feel sick
#but harley my baby you did#there was another crying teenager at the funeral that knew exactly what you were feeling in that moment#you just don't remember him#i feel like the world could have ended right there and peter wouldn't have notice#theres a blank space since the moment tony died until weeks after the funeral so can u blame him for not remembering harley?#they met in one of the worst days of each other's life#i just can't stop thinking about them realizing they met before and being absolutely devastated on how close they were to losing each other#because yes they met they talked and acknowledge their bond with tony but they were grieving#they talked for a couple of minutes but they didn't keep in contact they didn't become friends just like that#but now they can't possibly think about not being in each other's life#and to think they were close to lose that without even realizing it..#ugh im sad don't pay attention to me#once again i do NOT care about the english language so dont bother i know there might be typos#harley keener#parkner#but platonic parkner works just fine too
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If you have an f/o that loses many people close to them, imagine them allowing themselves to grieve in front of you. To be held in your arms as their shoulders shake with the force or their crying because they need to let it out or it'll consume them from the inside out. They can be vulnerable with you, they can fall apart with you, knowing you'll help them pick the pieces back up.
#jane journals#self insert talk#💙 oh captain my captain 💙#this is about rex ; w ;#my partner and best friend and i watched a particularly intense arc of the clone wars last night#it was funnnnn love when star wars hurts me!!#but goddd it goes without saying that rex loses people he cares for every single day#its what they were 'meant' to do. they were made to be expendable#but he knew and cared for every single man in his troop and thats gotta weigh on him over time#idk while the Really Sad part was happening in the ep i couldnt help but think how brea would comfort him#would hold him close and tight and keep him grounded#and ofc she grieves with him.#ougghhhh this reminds me of an old fic i was working on FOREVER ago 🤔🤔#i didnt have an ending for it but...now im thinking
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The Fool (notoriously in love with Fitz):
FitzChivalry Farseer (notorious heterosexual):
#realm of the elderlings#fitzchivalry farseer#the fool#fitz and the fool#realm of the quarantine#robin hobb#rote#fool’s quest#i just. 🤦♀️#first of all 'lord golden had been a handsome man' like........ it's so suspicious#that you're not even like oh no my childhood friend no longer looks like himself#you're specifically grieving the loss of the beauty of a character he played who you didn’t even like#like why are you singling lord golden out specifically rather than Fool or Beloved??#and why his handsomeness and not just like his health or vibrancy#idk bestie if my friend was disfigured obviously i would be devastated for them but i wouldnt be like#damn they were so gorgeous and sexy and this is a loss for me personally#like you would just be sad that they no longer look like your friend right?#I'm explaining this terribly cos I just woke up but anyway. gay jail.#also let's be real 'handsome' is such a radical understatement for how enraptured fitz was by lord golden's beauty lol 💀
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the other day i walked around the golden lake w my love and the sun was setting hot and orange and we watched a brown duck preening through the weeds, ducking her head under the dark water. the cool lake swallowed up my tired feet to the ankles and we counted the dog walkers with their curly panting doodles and their handsome german shepherds and their whip smart little terriers and we admired the careful construction of a sand castle whose moat held determinedly against the lapping of the waves. we could feel in our chests the persistent thunderous thumping of celebratory music at the finish line of the lakeside 5k, welcoming each gasping runner across its bounds. and i felt like crying. i felt like curling into myself and crying. we walked through the swamp of the bird sanctuary afterwards and listened to the woods sing and croak and groan and then we went and got ube and yuzu gelato and devoured it suntired and sweating on the couch in our living room. and i was so overcome w a deep and true unshakeable happiness and a sort of confused grief that i wanted to sob and sob and sob.
#i am so happy for the first time in my entire life#a consistent and true joyfulness#i am in love w my life#i want to stick around to see it#and i mean that w my entire being for the first time in my whole life#and to say that means confronting the first 24 years of my life where that wasn’t true#where i was miserable and heartbroken and unkind and dishonest and cruel#and i didn’t want to be alive#even when i was doing well i still didn’t want to be alive#for 24 years.#i had no fucking idea being alive could be so easy. i had no idea.#i want to hold myself and tell them i want to wrap myself up and say it will be BETTER#it will be so so far from perfect but it will be so so good you just have to hold on#i am so happy but i am mourning#i don’t know how to articulate it at all i just feel#happy but grieving#i LOVE this new city we live in i LOVE it here#i like my job enough to stand it for enough hours a week to get by#i have the time and the energy to throw myself into hobbies like knitting and cooking#i watch one or two good movies a week#i eat delicious food i’ve made and from restaurants we want to try#i’m IN LOVE. with my girlfriend in a way that’s so overwhelming and unlike anything i’ve ever felt that words don’t do it justice#i have friends who are gentle and patient with me when it’s hard for me to reach out#i am fighting agoraphobia tooth and fucking nail and i’m seeing the world and experiencing it#i laugh every day!!!! every single day!!!!#i have a goofy wonderful dog and an incredibly sweet cat#i talk to my baby brother all the time and he tells me he loves me and he’s graduating college soon and i’m so fucking proud#i wish i would’ve known how good it would all become#i wish i could’ve known#personal
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It might be the South Asian in me but I think Galadriel deserves the chance to slap Sauron across the face at least once for messing with her the way he did.
#not only did he manipulate her into making him a king and giving him backing into getting back to ME and letting him into eregion#but he also toyed with her feelings when she was grieving and alone and pretended to be her friend under the guise of a someone nonexistent#the BETRAYAL#fake friends are the worst fucking thing in the world#writers let her slap him just once please#my anger towards sauron for what he did to her periodically boils over#galadriel#halbrand#sauron#the rings of power#gal my girl don’t be polite when you get your hands on him just slap him#oh I forgot he also left her to drown in a fucking river#sauron you prick#now she is in trouble and also stuck grieving someone who did not even exist#messing with someone’s mind like this is beyond diabolical and tbh I appreciate the writers putting so much thought into it
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if i see any more Chloe hate i’m going to fucking explode. i’m not even kidding this makes me physically ill i’m going to create a fucking uQuiz about Chloe Price’s character and if you get a bad score you officially do not understand her character and has no right to talk about her whatsoever because you cannot just……say shit like « yeah duh of course i chose Arcadia Bay over her she was so dramatic and annoying and so mean omg 🙄🙄🙄 » i’m coming for you. like you can chose Arcadia Bay it’s a choice based game but if you did it because ‘Chloe was such a meanie 😓�� OH MY GOD. i’m. aidiaoisoz. can someone plz stop me i’m going to jump off a roof /j
#life is strange#lis#chloe price#that was random but i needed to have this out i hate how this fandom treats their characters sometimes#the ppl who don’t get a character are the ppl who talk abt them the most like??? stfu???#but chloe price is a young woman OF COURSE she’d get shamed for having feelings#like leave her alone my girl had every right to be angry and she could’ve been way angrier but she wasn’t what more do you want???#like. her dad died. her best friend left her. her mom married some guy who was physically and verbally abusive.#ppl were treating her like she was overdramatic when she was just. grieving.#and the only person who understood her (rachel) had been missing for six months already at the beginning of the game#like. DO YOU WANT HER TO BE FUCKING OVERJOYED???????#i’m genuinely going insane over this#chloe price get behind me
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Feb.8th 💖🕊💐✨️
#me#my videos#cannibalgh0st#february#february 8#2024#Aquarius#aquarius season#pink#positive vibes#tumblr friends#hello tumblr#grieving#grief
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"true partner" click here for the uquiz created by @/niconicomuda on twitter
#morphomon#digimon#this was trending on twt a good few weeks ago#ofc me being me i wasn't there and only learned abt it bc a friend dm'd me about it lol#anyway i am very happy to get morphomon. though...#advanced apology for personal irl rambling that may be tmi ahead. and cw: death of family member#so like. i feel it turns out to be some life foreshadowing bc around a week later (which is last week btw) my maternal grandma passed#idk about u but if you know the symbolism of butterfly and morpho particularly. it's about change and rebirth and all that stuff#the funeral home we spent a few days in had the morpho butterfly as its logo. i couldn't stop thinking about it#so despite the sadness it's like idk. a tiny bit of hope i guess?#my grandma won't have to be in pain anymore#all the stuff is done by last saturday so everyone's back to their normal lives like it or not#still grieving a bit while at the same time being kinda ok. well it is how it is...#png#gif
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constantly thinking about how when iris and barry were doing the therapy thing and talking about all the trauma/grieving they'd been through iris lists leonard snart as a trauma on par with her fiancé and her mom and then barry says "we've been to a lot of funerals" going crazy over the implications. did they have a funeral for snart. is she including him because barry is traumatized over that loss or is she too. why did she include leonard snart in that list and not fucking henry allen. why is snart's name the one that makes barry cede and admit they've been through a lot. what the fuck is going on.
#it was probably just a name drop for fans but. fucking INSANE.#list of people iris and barry are grieving: eddie ronnie iris's mom hr laurel SNART?????#dead fiance dead close friend dead mom man who sacrificed himself for me dead close friend and. the guy my boyfriend was obsessed with.#iris what is going through your mind. fascinated.#the flash#leonard snart
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your post about Harrow thinking it’s only been 3 days since Gideon died….you know someone else famously resurrected after 3 days too…
Omg who???
Jk! I know it's ya boy Jesus. Our best girl is walking around now with her death wounds out too, just like a certain gentleman was said to do.
#side note in researching the resurrection to see if there was any timeline provided (there wasn't)#I've come to the conclusion that christianity makes the most sense to me as communal grieving that got out of hand#like it's apparently all about trying to understand and honor this one guy's death with a whole 'but what if he came back actually' fantasy#in lieu of flowers send him back ect ect#grief: you could make a religion out of this#no wonder they keep popping out such compelling thematic literature#anyway that got away from me a little bit but yes my anonymous friend you're right#that there is a allusion#the locked tomb#tlt spoilers#gideon nav
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should I read eldest curses next or the infernal devices????? my hate for Will has been reignited so I would love to post more about why he’s the absolute worst if anyone cares to read. and I’d also love to compare and contrast TMI Malec vs TEC Malec because THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE
unless y’all are tired of me (I’m posting no matter what lmao) already but I’ve had lots of fun posting why TLH could’ve been better and stating weekly why we were robbed of a good story 😌
1. I love time periods and especially with gay content but we were robbed of expanding on their story
2. ALASTAIR DESERVED POVS
3. Matthews story deserved more page time
4. we’ve had enough of Will and Tessa. I don’t care if they need to fuck after any traumatic experience
5. does James actually love Cordelia? is it her body he desires? does his trauma matter? guess not
6. Cordelia is honestly a shit sister to Alastair
7. we were robbed of seeing Gabriel, Gideon, Cecily, and Sophie parent. of seeing Thomas’s pov expanded and actually read what matters to Thomas. like there is so much we were robbed of
oh and bonus CHRISTOPHER DESERVED BETTER
#anti cassandra clare#anti cc#just my stupid opinions#thomas lightwood#alastair carstairs#jesus if i have to read the word bracelet in my life again it would be too soon#don’t ever say to me gold tiger Cordelia ran bracelet because I will lose my shit#christopher deserved better#I’m missing a lot of points but 7 is my number#because let’s just not have Christopher’s family and friends grieve#I’m leaning towards TEC but I could be persuaded to read TID if anyone cares
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You ever get lulled into a false sense of security during the first two thirds of a kid's movie that's good with a serious plot but mostly a pretty fun time, only to have the entire final third tear your heart out, chew it up and spit it out, crush it into even finer paste beneath its heel, and add the fine powder your ribs have been turned into by the sledgehammer it whammed you with as a seasoning?
Anyway Nimona was great, 10/10 would recommend, I was crying on and off for what probably totaled 20 minutes of tears.
#hopeful rambling#nimona#cw graphic#i think that's probably the right tag for that description#anyway yes im a little late to the train but i was waiting until i could watch it with my dearest#my takeaway is that they should put a content warning on it for trans people especially bc you will feel punched in the face#that allegory sure can trans.#i think i related to it in a different way than most people#bc being genderqueer yeah nimona going im not a girl im just myself hit home but im not *trans*#so i think i actually ended up projecting onto balistar as someone who deeply loves a trans person (different ways obviously)#being told 'yes you can rejoin the society you betrayed you aren't like *her* you arent a monster everything can go back to what it was#you can be one of the good guys if you reject the freaks'#but they betrayed you first and the good guys aren't good and how things were is worse actually than saying i love you i see you im with you#to the freaks and the monsters who will accept who you are unlike the society that never will always keeping you to an impossible standard#of never being yourself#so yeah the religious/societal prejudice trauma was very felt at some points#and i grieved for nimona not because she was me but because she was my dearest and she was a friend#and she was a thousand people i will never know who decided it was better to die as yourself than be killed as someone you aren't#and didn't have a person to say im sorry. i see you.#anyway. yeah im still crying. altered my brain chemistry is mild i think it rearranged my organs punched a hole in my chest and i thanked it#nimona spoilers
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