#my friends and my friends' friends and everyone else who doesn't deserve it
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Someone who cared
Eva tsunaka x gn reader
[Spoilers for p:e.g. chapter 1]
A/n:and here is the Eva fic. I hope you enjoyed cause I really loved writing it. It's the happy ending my girl deserves
You were always Eva's anchor.
Your love for her was what grounded her to reality, what allowed her to keep going on in sleepless nights spent studying, through math competition she didn't even care about and in moments where she only wanted to cry in the shower because of situations she wasn't strong enough to handle, she reminded herself that there was someone who loved her because of who she was and not what everyone else thought she was. That there was a person she could always rely on and trust no matter what happened. You made her smile, a genuine pure smile, ever since your first meeting.
When at 5 years old she looked up from her book to see a person holding an ice cream cone to her
"What?"
"It's ice cream! Oh, it's cookies and cream, if you don't like it I can go change it"
".....do we know each other?"
"No but you just looked like you needed ice cream, standing alone reading isn't that fun"
"............"
"Quick! It's gonna melt!"
"O-oh"
She closed the book and grabbed the cone, giving it a lick before looking at you sitting near her on the bench
"Is it good?"
She just nodded and you smiled at her, a smile that made her feel all weird inside
"Oh! I forgot, mom only gave me 5 dollars to buy ice cream"
You pulled out some coins from your pocket and started counting
"One, two,three fo-"
"It's enough"
"Huh?"
"The ice cream cost 2 dollars,you brought two so it's 4"
"Oh you're fast at numbers"
"It's just math, 2 x 2 is 4 simple multiplication"
".....m-multi-what?"
Your confusion made a small smile appear on her face
"Just go to pay before it melts"
"Yeah ok, by the way, what's your name?"
"Eva, Eva tsunaka"
"Oh that's such a cool name"
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'm y/n l/n, nice to meet you evie"
"E-evie?"
"It's a nickname, a name friends call you, do you like it?"
".....so we're friends?"
"Yep,....... oh I guess I should ask you, do you wanna be friends?"
In that moment her soul itself answered and she made the second best decision she ever made in her life
"Yeah, I'd like that"
From that moment on you entered her life and changed it for the better.
It turned out you were going to attend the same elementary school, and since you were already friends, you basically always hung out. Well, it was more like you continued to be near her until she let you read with her at recess, but she wouldn't have it any other way, because whenever you were sick she could feel the difference between reading with someone and just standing under a tree while everyone else played in the grass.
".......how do you say that?"
"What?"
"This word"
You pointed at her book
"Oh its-"
"AHHHHHH!"
Your scream alerted her and she turned to towards you to see you crouching and hugging your legs while pointing at a caterpillar
"I-it's a monster"
"It's just an insect"
"B-but aren't they poisony?"
"It's poisonous and no"
Just as she was about to keep reading, she felt something grip her. Her whole face turned red as you hugged her for protection while muttering something about the monster getting closer. The weird feeling came back. It was somewhere above her tummy, and when she talked about it with her parents as they were putting her to bed, they just laughed between each other and muttered something about her first crush. Of course, at the ripe age of 7, she couldn't understand what that was.
It was some time during middle school that she began understanding her true feelings.
"You take everything that doesn't have an x in it and move it to the right. You also need to change their signs, got it?"
"..........w-what?"
"The positive become negative and the opposite"
You tried to write something before fully giving up and putting your hands over your head
"I don't get it, when did letters make their way in math?"
Your study buddy sighed and took a pen, trying to guide you step by step through the homework
"Can we take a break?"
"Not until you figure it out"
"Please, pretty please with a cherry covered in chocolate on top?"
"No"
"Come on please, we can play super slam sisters"
"Hm?"
You grab a controller and look at her with that smile, that smile that made the feeling come back to her, the feeling that she always had when she was near you, just looking at your smile made it impossible to say no
"Ugh, I guess a couple of rounds can't hurt"
"Yay you're the best evie"
You hugged her, and she felt her face flush red again
"Are you OK? You're so red"
"I-i'm fine let's just play"
"I'm gonna destroy you this time"
"We'll see about that"
You paused the game after the fifth time you lost
"So who was gonna destroy me?"
".......ok ok i admit it...you're really good at this"
Your compliment made her heart beat again, but she put the controller down and turned towards you
"Let's continue studying"
You sighed but nodded and sat in front of the desk again
"OK now do you get it?"
"....i-i think so"
You started writing the solution and Eva looked at it before her face turned into one of surprise
"That's correct good job"
"Yay! Now can we take another break, as a reward?"
"We just had one"
".....alright"
You picked up the pen again but this time started looking at the wall deep in thought
"......thank you"
"For what?"
"A lot of things to be honest, but what I'm talking about now is....helping me"
"With math?"
"Yeah among other things"
"It's nothi-"
"No it is something"
You turned to look at her, your eyes locking with her blue ones
"My parents............they can't afford a tutor, so I decided to ask you, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm taking advantage of you, but I just really wanna be with you"
"What do you mean?"
"The high school I wanna go to, it's the same as yours"
"Huh?"
"But if I don't have good grades they won't let me in, and......math is a subject I'm not good at"
You looked silently at her before suddenly holding her hands
"I want to stay with you, you're amazing evie, you're so smart and pretty and awesome, I want you to be in my life. So I promise I'll try my best to get good grades, to be with you"
You still have no idea why you said that, and more importantly you still have no idea how your 14 year old mind still didn't understand that maybe you felt something more than friendship for the back and white haired girl. But if you could go back, you'd say the exact same thing, not only because that's exactly how you felt but also because of what happened during high school.
Eva couldn't handle it anymore, the feeling in her chest she learned to call love was growing more and more with every day you spent together, with every time she had to remind you to pay attention in class and with every afternoon spent studying and playing slam sisters. She felt like her heart could explode if she didn't do something soon.She needed to do something about it.
But what could she do? Confessing would be very risky, if you didn't feel the same, it would have genuinely destroyed her, not only because you wouldn't be dating but mostly because she knew that no matter how much you tried to fix things and play it off as if nothing happened, your friendship would have never been the same, it would have all felt so awkward and uncomfortable and it would have probably been better to just end your friendship before it became even worse.
She could not handle that. You were her best friend. Her............only friend.
But she also knew better than anyone that if she didn't confess, someone else probably would and seeing you hanging out and kissing someone else while knowing that if she had just been braver that could have been her, would have destroyed her even more.
So she decided to act on valentine's day of your second year of high school.
"So what's with the chocolates?"
Your sudden question makes Eva spit her water
"W-what are you talking about?"
You pulled out the chocolate box with the letter inside
"Only you would do something like this"
You showed her the note which simply said "128√e980"
You unfolded the letter showing that the equation spelled "I love you"
"The chocolate are also my favorite flavors, but the note is the obvious part"
".........I know it's stupid but-"
"It's not stupid, it's pretty cool actually, even if it did take me a while to understand eheh"
Eva looked away embarrassed but quickly grew even more flustered when you held her hands
"But I want you to tell me that you love me"
"I-i just did-"
"No, I want Eva tsunaka to tell me that she loves me, not the mathlete that everyone thinks you are, tell me with your own words, the ones from the bottom of your heart, not numbers. then I can accept"
Eva started sweating, for what reason she doesn't know, maybe her cheeks got so hot that they actually started burning, but she calmed herself and took a deep breath before speaking
"Y-you make my heart beat, I feel all weird when I'm with you, I just want to smile and hug you for no reason, ever since we were kids, I now know what that is, I love you, I can 100% say I love you"
You smiled brightly, and she couldn't help but smile too. You always had this effect on her. She just couldn't help but feel happy with you.
"I love you too, evie, you're the best girl I ever met, and I wanna be with you forever"
You suddenly kissed her, it was a very soft and short kiss, but it still succeeded in making her blush even more than anything that happened before, but still she wanted to feel like this more so she kissed back. And with that she officially became your girlfriend.
She can confidently say that confessing to you was the best decision she ever made. Simply because the years where you two were together were the best of her life.
It was the small things you did for her, those things that made her feel seen and special, something like buying her something for breakfast when she didn't have to eat because she was busy studying, or just listening to her rant about a new ARG she helped solve on the internet.
Even the more embarrassing things like showing up to one of her math competition with a whole banner with a bad but admittedly really cute drawing of her face and her name written with a heart while yelling:
"YEAHHHH! THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND EVERYONE! SHE'S SUPER SMART, DESTROY EVERYONE ELSE EVIE!!!"
Sure, it made her want to die in the moment, but she would definitely be lying if she said it didn't warm her heart knowing that you cared so much about her and about her winning a competition even she didn't really care about
Just like your reaction to her getting her ultimate warmed her heart.
She hated being the ultimate mathlete. The utp just gave her this title without regard to who she really was and who she wanted to be, and she ranted to you about exactly that while cuddling. You just wrapped your arms around her and started comforting her
"Listen, I don't care what others say about you, or what they expect of you, to me you're Eva tsunaka, the amazing girl that i feel in love with, I couldn't care less about your ultimate,that doesn't define you to me and it shouldn't to anyone else. I love you because you're you ok evie?"
She felt her heart beating even faster than when you kissed her. Your words made her feel understood and so, so loved. She really needed someone like you
While she hated her talent, she couldn't deny that the fact that she was glad to have it if only because the utp gave you one too, and you would be attending eden's garden academy together.
"Are you OK evie? You look nervous"
She took a deep breath and sat on the bench in the train station
"......yeah, I guess I'm just worried about what people are gonna think about me"
"You mean your talent?"
She nodded as you sat on her right and held her hand
"If people pick on you because you're good at math, then that just means they're stupid and can't handle that someone is prettier and smarter than them"
"Hehe......thanks, but that's now what I meant"
"I know......then just get to know them"
"Huh?"
"If you get to know more people than they'll know the real you, the amazing girl you really are"
"............"
"Eva listen, I'm saying this as your partner and with nothing but your best interests in mind. I think you need more friends"
".....d-don't-"
"Or at least people to talk to, I know you have me, but I'm scared that I'm not enough, I want you to be happy, ok? So please, at least try, I don't care if you fail, but at least try to let people know that you're not just a mathlete, but a genuinely wonderful person"
Eva sighed and you kissed her cheek for comfort
"........I'll try my best"
"That's what I like to hear. Now get up and grab your luggage the train is almost here"
After the train arrived, you walked in it hand in hand, seeing all the faces of your future classmates. Little did you know that that train was gonna be the boat that would bring you to hell.
You knew Eva was lying about her talent. You knew from the moment the words ultimate liar slipped from her mouth, and you also knew exactly the reason why, she had told you why not that long ago after all. And you respected her choice. You didn't even need to talk to each other to make an agreement, with only a single glance she knew you would protect her secret as long as necessary.
The announcement of the killing game and the mock trial felt like a blur, you helped investigate, mostly convinced by your girlfriend, but you still couldn't believe it, sure the body was just a puppet but it was the recreation of a real murder, someone was killed so brutally, it made you.....sick.
And when the killing game was officially started that sickness spread over your entire body, will someone of your classmates be killed in such a brutal way? Will you? ......will Eva?
When Wolfgang started to speak, you wanted to say something. Sure, it was nice to think that no one was going to murder each other, but you knew it was impossible. You only started to talk when everyone singled out Eva and Damon for speaking their mind. You defended them, obviously. You told them that Eva was right, and even if it was a harsh truth, it still was the truth. After being judged because of that you just hugged Eva and you two went to sleep in her dorm.
The day the infirmary was revealed, Eva's true ultimate was too. You couldn't do anything but the exact same thing you had been doing this entire time, comfort Eva and try to counter your classmates' comments directed at her. You hugged her again, and you could feel how heavy and tired she was, even if she didn't want to let you know, everything that happened was weighing heavily in her mind.
"C-can you come with me?"
"Huh?"
You opened your eyes and looked down at Eva. She was still hugging you, but her eyes were now locked on yours
"Sure"
She guided you to a point in the infirmary and pointed at something
"A......plushie advertisement?"
"Yes, I already showed it to damon"
"......d-do you want me to buy it?"
"H-huh?"
"I thought you already had a plush-"
She blushed and quickly shut you up
"N-no it's not the plushie, it's a code"
"Oh for the door?"
"Duh"
"Did you figure it out yet?"
"...........no"
For the second time in the game, she lied
"Oh, I see, it's alright if you don't, these kidnappers seem really smart"
"........yeah"
"Well, me and Diana wanted to eat together. Do you wanna join us?"
"No it's fine, I'll go take a nap"
"That's understandable after everything that happened, love you"
"Yeah"
You kissed her cheek and started to go outside but stopped and looked back
"Hey Eva?"
"Hm"
"Can I.....tell you something?"
She nodded and you started approaching her
"..........I'm scared"
"Huh?"
"I'm scared that I'll die, that you'll die and that I couldn't do anything about it.....so can you at least promise me something?"
".......o-of course, what is it?"
You put your pinky in the air
"Let's make it a pinky promise"
"......seriously?" That's so dumb"
"Come on, just do it"
She sighed and intertwined her own pinky with yours
"Let's promise each other that we'll never kill someone"
"W-what?"
"I can't do anything if someone decides to kill you, I can only hope no one does, but if you kill someone, then you'll most likely die..........and if you don't-"
"Then you'll die, with everyone else"
"Yeah, so let's promise that we'll never kill anyone, so our chances of survival increase"
The next words she said were the third best choice she did in her life because, like her confession and acceptance of your friendship, her own soul spoke unfiltered by her brain or other emotions
"..........yes, I promise"
"Great! It's a pinky promise, remember. So if you break it your pinki will fall"
She giggled
"I think that will be the last of my concerns if I kill someone"
"Hehe, Yeah I guess you're right"
You kissed Eva on the cheek and went outside, waving at her. She waved back as her smile faded, she looked at her pinky.... and went to her dorm.
She couldn't handle it anymore, the thoughts were eating up her mind, she was going to die, everyone hated her, of course she was going to be the first victim, she would die.......so she needed to do something about it.
She wiped her tears with her sleeve and put her glasses back on, went to the infirmary and found herself face to face with the door.
She imputed the first two numbers automatically almost as if her body moved itself, she was about to imput the third when she actually started thinking
What did she want to gain by going in that room? She didn't even know what was on the other side..........was she just curious?
No, she knew. She knew that whatever she was gonna find would seal her fate, that it would force her to kill someone.......force
It's funny that she used that words in her thoughts, force, like she didn't already knew who to kill and how to do it, like she didn't already know who to frame and how to act in the class trial, like she didn't already look through the infirmary to see if there were hallucinogenics.
She inputted the third number and took a moment to breathe, her hand on her chest.
When she was about to move her finger in the direction of the last panel, she noticed something.
The floor was wet.
She looked down and saw that her shirt was too, not by much, it was when she brushed her hand against her cheek that she realized where the water was coming from.
She was crying.
How did she not realize it all this time? Why was she sad? She had already decided her fate, was she scared of getting found out and dying? she had nothing to live for anyway, everyone in this damn academy hated her, she was going to die anyway and no one was going to care about it, they weren't going to investigate how she died and the person who killed her would probably be cheered as they got executed. There was no one who cared about her, just like in her entire life.......no one cared about the true her.
Her finger grazed the fourth number when she remembered something
"Let's promise that we'll never kill someone"
"I love you because you're you ok evie?"
As soon as those words entered her mind, she just fell down on her knees, her body unable to hold the weight of her conscience anymore. She started crying, this time knowing exactly why.
She was going to betray you. She was willing to let you die just because of something that wasn't even true. You cared about her, the real her, you would have cried if she died, and you would have felt betrayed if she killed someone. You loved her, and she betrayed that love by even thinking about committing the murder. She didn't deserve you, she needed to say sorry to your face.
When she finished crying, she immediately went to your dorm, the knocking woke you up, and you were confused to see that Eva was no longer in bed with you. You were worried, considering that you decided to bunk together, so you carefully opened part of the door and saw it was your girlfriend, you saw that her eyes were red so your worry grew even more, you completely opened the door and Eva immediately tackled you in a hug.
"E-eva, what's-"
"I'm *sobs* so sorry, I'm so so sorry"
You could see she started crying crying, so you held her close and started comforting her, not caring about the tears getting on your shirt.
When she calmed down, she sat on the bed and started explaining everything to you, about how everything was getting to her and drove her to think about killing someone. She expected you to hate her. She was one step away from betraying you and throwing away her life, you were very justified to hate her, to break up with her, as much as she didn't want that to happen.....because then she would have been truly alone.
But you hugged her instead, and told her that it was OK, that the fact that she didn't go through was what mattered, that you would always be there for her, no matter what happened
"N-no you- you don't understand!"
She continued sobbing between words
"I-I was about to kill someone, to break our promise! I was ready to throw away your life because of this game!"
"......................"
"W-why did you forgive me so fast!? Why don't you hate me!?"
"........I could never hate you"
"H-huh?"
"I love you Eva I love you so much, I already told you so many times, I know that in a normal situation you'd never do something like this, I don't hate you, I hate tozu and this game, because I've seen the real you, and the real Eva is a girl that would never commit a murder, I feel in love with you and I could never hate you. I love you Eva, please remember that"
Eva wanted to say something more, but she just felt so tired. She had cried and felt too many emotions for a day, so she just thanked you and held onto your body as you two drifted to sleep.
The next day, she woke up feeling better. The night spent thinking about the situation and waking up next to you made her realize how lucky she was to have you and that she should hold on to you and love you just as much as you did.
After talking it over and getting ready, you two went to the dining room where Cassidy told you she had found a copy of super slam sisters and asked you to participate in a tournament.
"Oh, you love that game, eva . Do you wanna participate together?"
"I.........."
She looked at you smiling so brightly at her........and smiled back
"Yeah, I think having fun is what I need"
"Great! So we have all the couples, get ready cause it will be a blast!"
When the game tournament started, you held Eva's hand as you two watched the other students play.
"OK now it's Eva's and y/n's turn"
"Get ready evie, because this time I'll win!"
She rolled her eyes as she took the controller
"You always say that"
She ended up winning very easily but offered you a kiss as a consolation prince
"Wow that was insane Eva, how did you do that?"
"Oh, it's not that hard. You just have to watch your opponent and move accordingly"
"You gotta teach me that, you might even be able to beat me! Let's train together sometimes, Please?"
"H-huh?"
"And then we could do your make-up, I wanted to hang out with you......i-if you'd like"
"I.....don't think I'd look good with make-up"
She felt you putting your arm on her shoulder
"I think you'd look amazing in any way"
You smiled again and she felt her heart getting warm, not just at you but at the situation in general, she felt seen and understood, and it was all thanks to you, she's so glad she remembered you yesterday.
She looked back at her pinky and then at you, suddenly you felt Eva's arms wrap around you to the surprise of everyone in the room. She simply murmured two words
"Thank you"
You knew exactly why she thanked you, so you just hugged her back until she pulled away and looked at you again.
You cared about her, the real her, you loved her despite everything and she could never imagine a world without you, she could never imagine what she would have done if you weren't there, if you didn't enter her life.
She was so, so glad to have you.
#project eden's garden x reader#project eden's garden#p:eg x reader#p:eg#eva p:eg#p:eg spoilers#p:eg eva#p:eg chapter 1#project eden's garden chapter 1#p:eg eva x reader#eva tsunaka#eva tsunaka x reader#x reader#gn reader#fanganronpa x reader#fanganronpa
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Hello, feel free to ignore this but after I've read the way you spoke out in that pidt I'm sure you know the one I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart thank you. And I hope you have a wonderful day thank you
🥰🥰🥰🥰
First off, thank you for your lovely message! I absolutely know what post you're talking about. Above all though, I'm glad it helped you a little. I'm under no illusions that it'll reach the people I wish it would, but that's not its only point. This is. Making the people I care about feel less alone.
I hope you'll have a wonderful day as well. Please take a moment to do something nice for yourself! 🥰🥰
#anon#ask#and idk i just.#language is expression and writing is expression and that post was the expression of something i've been thinking about#and feeling for a long time now#i guess aela's post today at the time i saw it was the moment my brain decided it was time to throw it all out#i won't stand for that bs#and like#i HOPE that they won't listen to me better simply because i am a man#(actually: they already have in the past when they came at me)#(it's frankly disgusting but also proves their opinion on women unfortunately)#and i don't want to detract from the other voices in the fandom either#whether female or nonbinary or POC#but i'm upset with how they're treating people who fall into those categories#my friends and my friends' friends and everyone else who doesn't deserve it#and as an aside: i'm also upset with how they have been treating ryan and oliver too#they have been nothing but respectful and wonderful about buck's sexuality (and eddie's journey so far)#i just#want to extend everyone the biggest hugs#i'd buy everone a cup of tea or coffee or hot chocolate if i could#anyway yeah take care <3
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I love El’s tendency to “Yes Queen” all her girl friends. Nkoyo, your lame ass Enclaver boyfriend doesn’t deserve to even talk to you. What is Liesel doing with that rando-ass Alphie from London? Why is Liesel banging guys at all to get what she wants, she is the most brilliant person in the world and doesn’t need it. Liu might be interested in a guy, I HAVE to be the most embarrassing supporting friend immediately right now.
Girl, you bisexual is showing.
#The Scholomance#it is so funny right before the big battle#when Khamis and El are arguing over who deserves Nkoyo and who doesn't LOOOL#At all times El is thinking how amazing and wonderful and better than Enclavers her friends are.#'People are just people no one is inherently better than anyone else'#'EXCEPT my friends who are objectively better than everyone ever.'
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Seeing Astral destroying rocks and making islands appear has to be one of my favourite things ever.
He can do all of that. Every battle in this universe is fought with cards' duels, but he also can do that.
#“My true powers have returned!” Astral your powers are able to destroy and create enormous rock I have some questions#okay but seriously seeing Astral being very powerful makes me very happy#he deserves to have powerful powers#and I love that everyone surprised#because nobody expected him to have these abilities#look how cool he is!#I love him so much#I love seeing Astral saving the day#I wonder what else he can do#I would have liked to see more of his powers outside dueling#If he has other powers in both the anime and manga that we don't know#I thought a lot about this topic in the years#and I really like to think about him as a very powerful being who doesn't realize how powerful he is yet#(again in a context outside dueling)#also I find the reaction of Yagumo hilarious#“Astral that was uncalled for”#really sounds like “Why didn't you let me kill you and your friends?”#anyway the more I think about these scenes the more my brain work#things that will be in mine future fanfictions#but I also wanted to see more of it in the canon!#astral zexal#astral yugioh#zexal#yugioh zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal manga#yu gi oh zexal manga
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"But why would Sonic still be friends with them why wouldn’t he denounce them or treat them like the villains they are? Why won't he realize they're just evil?"
First of all, has it perhaps occured to you that Sonic loves/cares for them no matter what they do and doesn't want to hurt them if he doesn't have to? Has it perhaps occurred to you that he doesn't see them like irredeemable villains and it's not because he's a dumb dumb idiot?
Second of all, haha keep talking and I'm gonna unroll my character analysis essay. "They're just evil" yeah that's rich. Bet you thought the ending of the series was about "redeeming" them too, huh?
#sondread#sonine#sonic prime#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles the dread#nine the fox#I'm gonna be a prime sonic defender forever at this rate#Anyways I channeled the me from between seasons 2 and 3 who was frustrated at seeing the stuff people were saying about my favs#Prime Sonic somehow seems to compel people to start foam at the mouth as they call him stupid and deride him for being hopeful and seeing#the good and people#and then somehow the people who are willing to be okay about Prime Sonic's tendency to try to save everyone and towards self sacrifice#can only believe it as long as sonic stupidly and naively believes his beloved friends are good people as these 'friends' so skillfully#manipulate him#Then when Sonic sees them at their worst canonically those people start foaming at the mouth when he doesn't instantly denounce or try to#imprison/kill these characters#It makes me less frustrated when it comes to Dread because I can get what people are seeing and unfortunately whatever talk transpired#between Sonic leaving the yoke in s3 and everyone else coming to fight Nine happened offscreen#You do have to dig at least slightly beyond surface level interpretation to get the reading that Dread is more than just an evil guy who was#pretending to not be#(although I would have thought how he originally tried to save his crew from experiencing him at his worst by keeping himself away from his#obsession would mean something but I digress)#With Nine to believe that he's always just been evil and manipulative to Sonic so he could backstab him you quite literally have to ignore#everything we see across the whole series and the feelings that come through in the final episodes of seasons 2 and 3#and ONLY believe that what Renegade and Shadow say about Nine (and the chaos council in s3) is canon#And yes I do think that if you thought S3 was about redeeming certain characters so the ending could be happy go lucky then you are missing#the point of what Sonic Prime tried to say and of Sonic’s own philosophy#I daresay you missed the point of some of these characters as well if you think their arcs are about how they end with them redeeming#themselves so they can become good people and therefore deserve life and a home#fandom wank#i just be ramblin
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I look at you and it hurts My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day hoping for more time to be with you To be in your presence, to feel the warmth of your body when we're close, to gently brush up against one another unexpectedly.
My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day imagining a future with you To be held, and loved, and cherished, to know what safety truly is when we're alone, to be intertwined - not just with our bodies, but our souls.
My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day replaying conversations with you To be told you'd be lost without me, to hear such soft and sincere praise when we're laughing, to wish you'd say more, mean more.
My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day breaking my own heart, because I'm in love with you. To be alone, and hopeless, and scared, to realize this is all one sided after all, to lose the last bit of hope I held onto and to finally fall apart.
#personal#text#the void#my poetry#i'm feeling lost and vulnerable right now#everyone thinks we're good together except for you#and i know that i'm not good enough#and i try really hard to make you seem bad#but you're not#you literally told me 'you could be thinner' and everything else you've done more than makes up for it#you're so kind to me and you don't have to be#you're so patient with me and you don't have to be#i don't feel like i deserve even an ounce of the kindness and grace you show me because i don't even show myself that much#you mean so much to me and i mean? nothing to you in return#i'm a good friend and a good coworker#you tell me all the time that you don't know what you'd do without me and that i've made the last year better than the last 4 put together#and yet i still don't feel like i mean anything to you other than being an ear to listen and a seat filler to be at work#i don't know what to do or how to feel#i want to tell you i love you and tell you that i mean it and tell you i would never hurt you on purpose and tell you that i know#i want to tell you id do anything for you and i want you to take me up on the offer#i want to take care of you and love you and hold you#and you...you want someone to? to what?#i'm wasting the last year of my 20s in love with someone who doesn't and will never be attracted to me or love me back#well anyway
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#i hate myself i want to die i am so triggered nobody loves me nobody likes me im nothing im worthless#i think the worthlessness of my life is narratively like so funny like who do i think i am wanting to be loved#and doing Nothing absolutely NOTHING to deserve it like i am truly just a worthless little disgusting idiot#who doesn't do or say or think anything worth anyone's love#i am so alone and lonely and crying amd screaming and invisible and mute and pointless#i live my life so loudly only pretending to be my one and only friend and it is so pathetic it makes me hate myself so much#i hate myself out of aheer anger like i dont like me either i would also leave me to the ditches to suffer and burn alone#die die die stuoid horrible nasty worthless i hate you literally so much and so does everyone else#PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING BABY LOOK AT HOW NOTHING I AM#love it love this rotten fermented doomed expired life for me#past my expiration date idiot#need to throw myself outta this plane i do not deserve to occupy this space anymore
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literally when I see women being frustrated with other women for staying with abusive men I feel like I'm watching the ouroboros. Like I get it, it happens to everyone, I've been there, but it's so self sabatoging.
#don't come at me if you're one of those girls currently angry at her friend for continuing to date an abuser after you and everyone else#told her not to#I spent 7 years watching different men beat my mother and I've had a lot of friends who faced very different kinds of abuse from other men#so when I say your anger is not constructive believe me because it is my anger too. and I know it hurts and I know it can drive you insane#but when your friend Sees that anger it will hurt her in a way you cannot understand. And if you are hurting her while you claim to love he#while you claim to have her best interests at heart -> then she cannot differentiate between the way you treat her#and the way her abuser does. And I know that's not fair I know it's not the same#And I know you probably care for her in a way her man does not. But when you tell her what to do she doesn't see You.#She sees the man who tells her what to do and how to live. She won't listen to you over that man because you sound the same#You sound eerily similar but he is manipulating her and you are just angry and upset. He will always seem to offer the better deal#so just don't be that angry friend anymore. Be an open door she can walk through whenever she needs a break from an evil man.#Be the life she Could have if she really believed she deserved it. Be good and respectful and supportive even when you feel like killing hi#show her how Everyone should treat her. Show her she deserves to be treated good; show her it is no problem for You to treat her good#And she Will start demanding that from men. From everyone. But she will do it on her own time#With her own setbacks and she will set her own standards. They might never be your standards but they will be better than what they are now#but first you have to be supportive and not angry. You have to root for what She wants and not for her relationship to fail#Even if you really truly hope the relationship will fail. You have to convince her that you want the same things she wants#You have to convince her that you want her to be happy no matter what that looks like. And Then she will ask you#To help make her life happier. And in my experience; that is the only way to truly see someone get to a better place#You have to help them get what they Want. This is way harder than being angry. Insanely harder. But I have seen women change a Lot#after I stopped feeling angry over them. After I stopped trying to convince them that I know what is best for them
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When somebody who previously didn't like you starts talking adamantly to you and sharing gossip and suddenly you're eight years old again handing out advice because you're so thirsty for friends and attention
#like dude. i know you don't like me. that much is obvious#but also. i know how to be polite#especially if you're my friend's friend.#like i don't care about you PERSONALLY#but also I'm trying to be cordial and get along#but apparently you didn't get the fucking memo and manipulated everyone into thinking I'm evil WAY before I ever started acting selfish#I'm still fucking bitter about that.#and it was almost 2 years ago#like HUH.#GIRL.#WHO TOLD YOU THAT WAS OKAY.#for your sake i hope you get better#and i also hope V learns her worth and leaves your sorry ass#because she didn't deserve any of that shit.#the only reason she ever stayed with you for so many years was because you lead her on and she felt bad for you#you're not her friend. you never were. and i hope that when she realizes it#that it doesn't hurt her anymore#you're quite literally evil#and I'm tired of forcing myself to give you grace when i know for a fact that you are still slandering my name#i am not evil for wanting time to myself. or to hang out with people just the two of us. especially when we're dating.#i am not evil for telling my partner that I was worried.#i am not evil for calling you out on your bullshit#i am not evil for not falling for your bravado like everyone else#i am not evil.#but you are.#and i hope that you get everything you deserve.
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If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.
"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.
Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.
Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.
You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."
Problem with that being:
1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.
2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.
3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.
4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.
I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.
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Getting jealous (AGAIN) as Sevika's girlfriend...
you just can't catch a break, huh? your fault for falling in love with this absolute lady-killer
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a/n: ever since i remembered i have free will and can post all my sevika goblin thoughts i have been cooking entire posts up in like under an hour, somebody please help me LMAO
i had too many ideas for the jealous!reader, so here's another. i picture this as being my pit fighter!reader characterization, so do with that what you will :33
it isn't that you hate absolutely anybody looking at Sevika at all
like, you get it. and a part of you loves that everyone else can see just as clearly as you how absolutely captivating she is.
BUT IT GETS TO A POINT-
After the incident with the girl at the bar, Sevika does her best to make sure that you don't feel neglected in public. She slips, of course she does, but she does try like hell
It typically goes that anybody who approaches her, flat out doesn't acknowledge you. it's a by-product of how she's so non-PDA that it slips the mind of these thirsty women that she's even in a relationship
You, being a practical and results-driven individual, remedy this by being a little bolder in public every now and then
Nowadays, Sevika doesn't usually object. She understands why you're doing it now, and she's getting tired of the would-be homewreckers coming onto her too lol
You'll cup her cheek, give her a firm but quick kiss whenever you bring a drink over to her while she's in a game of cards. Come up beside her at the bar and rest your hand on her hip for a while (she fucking loves this one, she won't tell you though)
From then on, people start to get the message. If anybody's heartbroken over it, they become less inclined to showing it
So, you almost want to believe you're imagining things when you clock someone from across the bar who seems to keep giving you the stink eye
you're not dumb
you can see the way she's gesturing between you and Sevika to her friends, shaking her head in disgust. now that's a new one...
Sevika has her human arm over your shoulder while this is happening, the other holding onto her hand of cards. She looks over at you when you pluck the cigarillo out from her fingers and take a drag of your own in distress. She's deeply amused by this
"Okay, baby?" "Mhm. Peachy." You were not peachy. The hell did you do to deserve that look?
For a second Sevika thinks you're mad at her, frowning and angling her body towards you (she notices Ran trying to sneak a look at her cards as she does, and bucks playfully at them). Her eyes flick up to follow your line of vision, and then she understands
She chuckles under her breath.
"You could take her in a fight, princess."
oh, and don't you know it. You shake away the thought though, not wanting to escalate the situation in your head in the case that it's actually not at all what you think it is, and then you look stupid
You ask Sevika if she wants another whiskey and she declines, so you get up to just get yours. You're minding your business by the bar, trying to not grace that table with any more glances when that bites you in the ass as a shoulder checks yours
of course, it's the girl. I guess it wasn't in your head
You make eye contact with her when she looks over her shoulder at you and scoffs, shaking her head. You don't look away even as the bartender slides your drink into your hand
now, you have some options here. most of them include violence to some degree. you're contemplating them all as you're walking back to Sevika, eyes straight ahead
then you catch a few choice words from her table; something, something, "-can she fight..." you don't hear the rest, but does it really matter?
you stop in your tracks. you glance up at your girlfriend who didn't see what happened earlier but is watching you now, brow raised and mouthing what's wrong?
at this point, i don't think this even counts as jealousy, you're just defending your woman's honor
you give her a shake of your head that says don't worry (and now she's definitely worrying), and turn on your heel and make a beeline for the bitch's table
Sevika is about to get up to back you up- for whatever the situation may be- when she sees your posture as you stand over the girl from earlier.
Ran stops her though, grinning from ear to ear. "Let your girl have this, Sev. I wanna see her beat ass." Sevika scoffs, but tentatively sits back down. She trusts your judgement. Whatever your call is-
oh, you're smashing your glass over the girl's head. Ran gives a loud whoop
"You wanna take her from me? Go ahead, try," you'd said while Ran was talking Sevika down. The smile on your face was near-manic. "See what she does when you put your hands on me."
It's not like this woman was exactly tiny or helpless-looking; most in Zaun strived to be neither. But Sevika hadn't been lying when she said you could take her.
It was not a memo she'd received, though.
You couldn't recall what exactly she'd said, but you do know your mind reached an immediate state of singularity when she said she'd kill you before Sevika could do anything about it.
BET
"Goddammit-" Sevika barks out your name as she shoots up from her chair. Ran is doubled over with laughter
She's deceptively fast for her height, and thank fucking god for it. Her human arm wraps around your waist like a vise, pulling you back with ease
She would've been cutting up right with Ran in any other circumstance, given the way you were stancing on the now-dazed woman, fists clenched and shoulders shrugged up like an angry big cat
"Down, girl," she mutters to you. Her lips quirk up at the way you shift your jaw around, obviously still pissed off and ready to scrap
"I was defending your honor." "Mhm. What would I do without you, huh?"
Sevika's in front of you when the woman scrambles up out of her seat to retaliate. Sevika towers over the both of you, and you're nearly completely hidden behind her now as she glares at the woman
"You don't wanna fight her, much less me. Go ahead and clear off."
Maybe jealousy isn't as accurate of a term for you as territorial. You've got nothing to be jealous of, not with how fiercely devoted Sevika is at every turn
#arcane#sevika#sevika x reader#sevika headcanon#ubebones writing#this was so unserious to write LMAO
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Catalyst
so in my au which i'm totally not using to cope or anything haha, after realizing that curly isn't going to do anything about jimmy, anya confides in swansea and he goes Protective Dad Mode. i'm calling this the "Responsibility AU." ramble below cut.
swansea doesn't immediately go after jimmy with an axe or anything because 1. they're not in a high stress life/death crash situation and 2. anya specifically requests that swansea not enact violence upon jimmy after swansea says, and i quote, "i'm gonna beat his ass." anya just wants to feel safer and more supported on the ship—she doesn't want swansea to get in trouble even if jimmy does deserve to get destroyed by 10000 punches.
what swansea can do is watch out for anya and make sure she's never alone in a room with jimmy. if there's a situation where she has to be alone with jimmy (like the psych evals), she and swansea have a system where she can signal for help. with anya's permission, swansea asks daisuke to help look out for her too (without telling him the details as to why since that's anya's right to share or not). daisuke has already picked up at this point that something is wrong based on how much more hostile swansea's become towards jimmy, and he trusts his boss, so he agrees without much question.
anya, feeling less alone now that she has people watching her back, gains more confidence to stand up to jimmy. which makes him angry because his unwanted advances are being denied and swansea and daisuke keep getting in his way. he just can't understand why he's being treated as the bad guy here (this is because he is a delusional asshole).
meanwhile curly is slowly realizing that he needs to actually do something here because the tension in the crew is palpable and increasing by the day. also swansea is being mighty passive aggressive to him and talking about "responsibility" a lot. curly keeps trying to talk to jimmy about it but the guy just keeps downplaying it and blaming everyone else but himself. and curly is realizing that his friend isn't who he thought he was.
it all comes to a head one day when an angry jimmy tries to confront anya alone and swansea steps in. things get heated, people start yelling. curly show up to see swansea and jimmy on the verge of fighting with anya and daisuke trying to hold them back respectively. curly breaks up the fight. jimmy storms off. curly follows him and finds him trying to get the gun from the case in the cockpit. curly asks him why he's doing this and jimmy claims it's for his own protection because he feels "threatened by swansea." he tells curly to give him the code. curly, the sheer wrongness of the whole situation hitting him, finally calls jimmy out on all his bs. jimmy just laughs in his face, still believing that he's not in the wrong and curly doesn't have the guts to do anything anyway. so the captain fires him on the spot. jimmy snaps and he and curly get into a fight in the cockpit. jimmy is trying to crash the ship and curly is trying to stop him. then the rest of the crew show up and anya knocks jimmy's ass out with the gun case. swansea is so proud.
they throw jimmy in the cryopod so they don't have to worry about him pulling anything else and he can be properly dealt with once the stupid delivery is over. everyone's like, "wow that was a close one—could you imagine how messed up it would be if we ended up in a crash because of jimmy? thank god that didn't happen." curly makes swansea the copilot until they can get a replacement and swansea's like, "goddammit as if i don't already do enough shit around here."
anyway my whole goal here was to get rid of jimmy early so i can have beautiful Found Family shenanigans in space with the rest of the crew. apologies and healing and happy times will happen. no the whole getting laid off thing doesn't happen. no i don't have an explanation for it. sorry for the essay.
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I'm always interested in analyses that portray a romanced Solas as a predatory hee hee trickster god manipulating a young and impressionable Lavellan into falling for him and if that's your world state go ahead and live your truth b/c it's frankly none of my business, but I sincerely think there are those who forget that for a lot of people, a romanced Lavellan is (with all due respect to my own Solasmancing Inquisitor Rielle Lavelllan) batshit crazy. Having her boyfriend turn out to be a wolf god is honestly the least of her problems but oh boy is she unafraid to become one to fix this mess.
This is a woman who woke up in a dungeon with a glowing hand, figured out she could fix the world, and thought "fuck it, it's not like I'll have anything else better to do if Corypheus sticks around. Also. Everyone here kind of looks like they want to kill me, so maybe I'll stick with the protective powers that be for a minute." And then all of five seconds later she gets her hand snatched by a sketchy elven apostate who knows exactly what to do with her shiny new powers and cannot stop himself from having a Mr. Darcy level hand-flex after he lets it go (in my heart and soul this happens just out of the camera's gaze) and goes "hmm maybe there's something to be said for this world saving thing."
This is a woman who brought an entire fucking avalanche down on herself and three of her closest friends (and I do mean closest as in physical proximity, she doesn't know these people who are looking at her like she's Thedas' Next Top Idol) because even if it killed her it was the proper middle finger to send to the wannabe god bringing his army tap-dancing down the mountain pass towards her on the one night she had scheduled off to celebrate finally taking a W.
This is a woman going Take 2 Electric Boogaloo on waking up with no idea where she is and learning she was successful in spite-dragging herself up a different fucking mountain in a blizzard. Except now everyone is fighting wait nope now they're Kumbaya-ing a song Andraste's Herald should really probably be familiar with whoops, oh thank God, time for a side convo with the same apostate who's been trying to turn her entire life into a history class only for her to dive in headfirst (much to his initial abject horror) and get that good good discourse she needs since she can't go around arguing with everyone else like she wants to. "The orb is ours." You know what? Of course it is. But if they need the world saved from an elven oopsie, who better to right things than an elf? Fuck it, we ball.
This is a woman who misses being close to nature and goes positively feral at Skyhold, yeeting herself over balconies and banisters and turning the ancient fortress into her personal parkour playground because she's got energy to work off and shit to do, and if the path of least resistance to hunt down everyone she needs to talk to is coincidentally the same path that will absolutely wreck her knees by the time she's sixty, that's just how it has to be.
This is a woman who finds herself back at Haven with a man she's found it possible to be unfetteringly unabashedly herself with and thinks, "hey, maybe there could be more than the flirations we've exchanged over heated discussions and philosophical deep-dives, maybe I can have just one smooch as a treat." And when she feels her slowly unfurling passion reciprocated only to be shut down? She resolves herself to fight for this fledgling love and all the fade tongue that comes with it. This is a woman who gets the tiniest glimpse of what a retirement plan might look like after this whole saving the mortal world thing and buys all the way in.
This is a woman who has Grey Wardens to save from themselves, an empire trying to self-cannibalize, and still finds the time to go rescue a spirit because she, as a fellow comrade caught up in this mess, knows damn well that no innocent deserves to suffer if she can help it while she's got this insane amount of power she never asked for. And if that happens to lead to the man she feels safe enough to nap on the library couches with confessing at last the feelings she knows he's been smothering beneath his all-too-collected surface? Yeah, she'll take that W.
This is a woman who gets absolutely blasted head-over-ass into the fade and goes "honestly things were going a little TOO well." This is a woman who sneaks a peak at the closest fears of the companions she's come to know and love and goes "not on my fucking watch." This is a woman who sees that the man she forces herself to learn the old language for, her vhenan, fears being alone more than anything in the entire knowing world and resolves herself to ensuring it never comes to pass.
This is a woman who gets the opportunity to shape the government of a straight up country and runs around collecting wooden fucking halla in a palace full of elven servants with no time to dwell on that particularly cruel irony because out here it's scheme or be schemed. This a woman who collapses against a balcony railing after putting out some of the sickest literal and metaphorical dance moves The Game has ever seen, resigned to bear her ever-increasing burdens alone, only to find her heart and his horrible horrible hat extending a hand, promising her that if he is not alone, then neither is she.
Like, do you feel me here?
And then he dares to think something as sudden and damning as the truth is enough to keep her away? The queen of tough conversations and tougher choices? No, no, dear readers who have made it this far into my descent into madness.
Inquisitor Lavellan is a master-class in encouraging the odds against her to fuck around and find out. She is a rift-mending false-god-bashing politcally savvy terror upon all of Thedas. Solas (and all of the living breathing world) is lucky she took time out of her busy schedule to notice the way his smile softens when talking about spirits or appreciate the fluidity of his form when they're obliterating venatori out in the field. This man cradled her cheeks in his shaking hands, looked into weary and wide eyes and called her beautiful, and had the audacity to steal her heart before trying to peace out and take it with him.
If she's got to track down a real god this time and frog march him into the fade to reclaim both her heart and the future she fought for because all he wants to do is launch himself like a meteor towards achieving his greatest fear, if she has to spend hours lecturing him on the sheer audacity of his ass while spirits float by and realize they're grateful they never had the chance to take on a body and subject themselves to a verbal lashing this brutal, if she has to do cartwheels around him while dropping all sorts of sweet nothings in the language she is now quite proficient in until he gets it through his luminous gleaming skull that when she said "var lath vir suledin" my girl meant it? Then that's what she's going to do.
"I wish it could, vhenan."
Oh it's going to, buddy. Buckle up to get wrecked, to get absolutely loved and cherished you fool, because Inquisitor Lavellan is not the Dread Wolf's prey, she's his hunter.
#sure Solas is a god but she's the woman crazy enough to love one#solas#dragon age inquisition#inquisitor lavellan#solavellan hell#solavellan#solas dragon age#solas x lavellan
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sukuna who's over heels with y/n, but y/n is stupidly in love with yuuji who is falling in love with megumi?!
Omggg I love this!!!! Thank you for sending me this 💗
Modern!Sukuna x Reader (female)
Fluff. Hurt & Comfort. Friends to lovers. 2k words. Unrequited love/pining in the beginning. Sukuna and Reader get their happy end (Yuuji gets his happy end with Megumi). Mentions of cigarettes + alcohol. All characters are of age. Minors don't interact. Divider @/benkeibear
Sukuna can only shake his head at the irony. He is in love. He is fucking in love for the first time in his life, and of course, it has to be someone he cannot have! Out of everyone at this stupid college, it has to be the girl who likes his brother!
If it were any other guy, Sukuna wouldn't give a fuck and just flirt like hell with the girl he wants and give his best to steal her away from that other guy. But the problem is that Itadori Sukuna might be an asshole, but he isn't the type of asshole that would steal his brother's girl.
So Sukuna swallows down his heartbreak and forces himself to hold back, refusing to stand in the way of his baby brother's happiness. Sukuna might only be three minutes older, but he is still the big bro, still the one who sees it as his responsibility to look after his "little" brother. And Yuuji deserves it. He deserves a girl like you. He deserves your love. Sukuna will stay strong. He can do it.
But what Sukuna didn't take into account is how completely oblivious his brother is to your feelings.
You follow Yuuji around like a lost puppy, giving him hearteyes, practically swooning anytime he smiles his sunshine smile, hanging on his lips when he talks about his movie-directing classes and his new favorite TV show. But Yuuji doesn't seem to notice. And it makes Sukuna so mad! It drives him crazy! He almost spits his drink out when his brother gives you a high five and calls you "bro".
Sukuna feels sick to his stomach when he watches you wring your hands and shyly ask Yuuji if he maybe wants to go to the cinema with you to see the newest Human Earthworm movie. That super trashy horror series that Yuuji is always gushing about, which Sukuna is 99% sure you don't really like but only want to endure for the boy you have a big crush on.
But Sukuna's oblivious idiot of a brother just laughs and nods, happy that someone shares his taste, and totally misses the point,
"Yes, that's perfect! Let's also ask Megumi and Nobara to join us! Let's all go together! It will be so much fun!"
Sukuna thinks he can not only feel his own heart ache but also yours as he sees your face fall even while you force yourself to nod bravely and smile a sad smile at Yuuji.
It takes everything in Sukuna not to say something. But his restraint only lasts until he is alone with his brother. The moment the others have left, he shoves Yuuji into the wall, grabs his collar, and growls at him,
"You are so fucking dumb, brat! I would give anything to be in your shoes, but you don't even see that she wants you!"
And Yuuji blinks at him, all big eyes and completely confused,
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
Sukuna lets go of Yuuji, slumping against the wall next to him, sighing and explaining the situation to him. How Sukuna likes you, and how you like Yuuji, and how everything is such a mess, and how much he hates it, especially when his little brother is too blind to see what he could have!
"Now you know, brat. Go, get her. Just don't rub it in my face, ok? I'll stay away as much as possible."
Sukuna pushes himself off the wall, about to run away and hide in some dark corner or maybe find someone to fuck and distract him from all this shit. But to his utter surprise, Yuuji's hand darts out and grabs Sukuna's sleeve.
"Wait, Kuna! I don't even have those kinds of feelings for her! There is... um... well, there is actually someone else I like."
He stands there, scratching his neck, looking sheepishly at Sukuna and blushing a bit as Sukuna stares at him with question marks in his eyes.
"Who??"
"Um, he has black hair and likes dogs and... ah shit."
And Sukuna can't help it. He bursts out laughing, doubling over because this is just so fucking dumb and messy and getting more complicated every second, and he probably should have known!
"Damn, brat, that really sounds like you! Falling for your best friend!"
In the end, Sukuna plays matchmaker for Yuuji and Megumi. It's easy, considering the way Fushiguro has been looking at Yuuji since the first day he met him. And yeah, Sukuna is not only doing it because he loves his baby brother but also because of selfish reasons. Because it means you will have to let go of your crush on Yuuji. Not that Sukuna thinks you will turn to him, but at least he won't have to watch you date his brother and pretend he doesn't care!
It feels like someone is stabbing Sukuna's heart when he watches your face twist in pain at the next party when you see Yuuji walking into the room with Megumi's hand in his.
But it will be fine! After all, Sukuna is here to catch you and mend your broken heart again. As a friend, at least.
He quickly follows you when you leave the room and run towards the backyard. You sit down on the slightly damp grass, and Sukuna joins you, sitting silently next to you while tears run down your cheeks. Sukuna offers you his half-smoked cigarette, and when your eyes meet, he can't help but think that surely you must see the pain in his eyes, too.
He quickly takes a sip from the bottle he is holding to hide the emotions threatening to swallow him while silently cursing himself for following you out here. He misjudged how fucking hard it is to look at you when you are crying. If only Sukuna could just close the distance between you and claim you as his, just kiss all your pain and his pain away.
But of course, he knows it would be too soon. For once in his life, Sukuna doesn't just want to be a one-night stand or a rebound or a revenge fuck or whatever. For once in his life, he wants more. He wants everything.
And so Sukuna is patient. Just offers you his silent company, his cigarette, his bottle of vodka, and his leather jacket when it gets chilly, and you start to shiver. He offers you his friendship, his protection, and the kind of comfort he can give without fucking you. He drives you home, makes sure you have something to eat and get some sleep.
He bangs on your door three days later when you still haven't come back to campus, calling you a brat and an idiot because it's the only way he knows how to show his worry. But he hopes he's making it better by shoving a vanilla latte and a bag with muffins from your favorite coffee shop into your hands.
Your eyes look puffy from crying, and you seem confused about what he is doing here, but you take the food and coffee from him. And Sukuna smirks at you and refuses to leave when you tell him you look like hell and don't want him to see you like that.
"I don't care, princess. Eat those damn muffins and drink your latte before it gets cold. I didn't stand in line for half an hour for you to just ignore my treats. And by the way, you always look pretty to me."
He stays until you had breakfast and took a shower, coming back to the living area with a soft,
"Thank you, Sukuna. It was nice of you to bring me muffins and coffee."
Sukuna finally leaves, lifting one tattooed hand to casually wave at you as if his heart isn't about to burst because he wants to pull you against his chest and hold you and tell you he can make you happy again.
He skips some of his classes and instead goes to the gym, working out like a madman and beating up a punching bag until he is too exhausted to think about how sad you looked and how fucking much he wants to kiss it better.
He comes back the next day to pick you up and take you to the coffee shop with him, making sure you leave the house and join the living again! It cannot be that you are crying your eyes out in your room all day!
"Stop complaining and get your bratty ass off the couch! It will be good for you to get some fresh air and shit. I am warning you if you don't put on shoes in the next 30 seconds, I will make you walk to the coffee shop in socks!"
Oh yes, Sukuna is good at this. Acting grumpy and playing the asshole while taking care of you and making sure you are ok. And somehow, you are the only one, apart from his brother, who can see right through him because you roll your eyes and laugh softly and tell him that he is the nicest asshole you have ever met.
The two of you fall into a routine where Sukuna picks you up every morning and has breakfast with you before he walks you to your first class. You constantly grow closer, and Sukuna feels his mask slipping more often around you. His typical arrogant smirk softens into a genuine smile. His snide comments turn into compliments. He isn't sure if he is doing it by accident or intentionally. Maybe he is only reacting to the way you act around him.
Because your gaze doesn't follow his brother anymore. Your face doesn't fall when you see Yuuji with Megumi. Your smile doesn't falter when you spot pink hair and realize it's the bad boy twin with the tattoos and not the good boy twin with the sunshine smile. Sukuna even feels like your smile is growing brighter when you look at him.
Could it be?
And he notices more things. Notices how you always sit so close to him now when he is at your dorm and you play video games against each other. How you always laugh at his jokes, no matter how sarcastic they are. Or how you look at him sometimes when you think he doesn't realize it. How your eyes get that dreamy little sparkle when Sukuna is sleepy, and his voice gets low and a bit raspy. How you get goosebumps on your arms when Sukuna puts his hands on your hips to steer you through a crowded room.
A few weeks later, Sukuna finds himself back at the same spot where all those weeks ago, it all began. Sitting next to you in the grass in the small backyard of your friend's dorm, where you cried when Yuuji broke your heart.
But tonight, you aren't crying. Tonight, you are smiling and throwing your head back, laughing at some dry joke Sukuna makes, looking so carefree and happy. Your shoulder is brushing against Sukuna's biceps, and your hand lands on his thigh, giving it a playful smack and staying just a little too long. And Sukuna can't help but say in that low voice, you seem to like so much,
"You are so beautiful."
For a split second, he feels his chest tense up, scared that he fucked everything up. Scared that he got it wrong and you still want his brother. Or maybe some other guy. Scared that you only see Sukuna as a good friend. Or that you only see him the way the whole campus sees him: as that sexy, asshole guy who is only good for casual sex and nothing more.
But then you turn your head to look at him, and Sukuna sees that soft expression in your eyes, the one he used to see on your face when you looked at his brother. But now it is for him, for Sukuna. And he simply knows without you having to spell it out. He knows that things have truly changed.
So, Sukuna decides to do what he wanted to do for a long time.
"I am sorry that you cried the last time we were in this backyard. But I am not sorry for why it happened. My brother is an idiot for not wanting you like that. But I am glad he is an idiot because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to do this..."
And Sukuna puts a hand under your chin, cupping it with a gentleness he didn't know he possessed while looking deeply into your eyes, checking one last time if he really got it right. You look at him with wide eyes, but you smile and nod softly as your gaze travels down to his lips.
And Sukuna sighs and presses his lips gently against yours, kissing you like he never kissed someone before, slow and gentle, as if he is scared you will break or slip through his fingers. A kiss with his eyes closed and his chest filling with a warmth he didn't know until now. A kiss into which Sukuna pours all the secret longing he felt for you for months, all the feelings he tried to hold back for his brother's sake and then for the sake of not fucking things up.
But finally, he doesn't have to hold back anymore. Because you chose him. You chose Sukuna. You are sitting here with him, with your hand in his hair and your lips moving slowly against his, a happy sigh and a soft murmur of his name falling from your lips.
The two of you only stop kissing when Sukuna's head is already spinning from the lack of oxygen. He pulls away only enough to grin at you and stroke your cheek with his thumb. And you smile back at him and whisper,
"I am glad, too, that Yuuji turned me down. Because otherwise I wouldn't have found out that it's his brother who is my perfect match. I wouldn't have found out that you, Itadori Sukuna, are the one I like the most out of everyone."
AAAHHH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 😭😭 Thank you so much for sending me this ask. I see Sukuna + unrequited love/pining and I lose my mind!! It's my weakness and makes me so so soft for him (even more than usual).
I hope you liked this little hurt/comfort story!! Comments and reblogs would be very sweet 💗
#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna#sukuna fluff#jjk x reader#jjk x you#sukuna x y/n#jjk x y/n#jjk fluff#ryomen sukuna
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yandere! party baddie and yandere! stoner threeway relationship guys...
you're just a guy, literally just some guy. like yeah.
and you have two of the hottest people in the entire university pining after you, desperate for your attention. the guy who goes to all the parties and shakes his non-existent ass for everyone to see and the hot stoner who smokes on campus even after getting chased out by a dog. and yeah, you called it. they're best friends too.
you still don't know how it came to be like this but you decide to just ignore them because... why the hell not. you barely talk to them anyway and they just cling to you like you're a drug. you shouldn't give into what they want.
anyway, you decide to go to one of the parties hosted by mr party guy over here and holy shit when i tell you it just changed the trajectory of your life...
"baby you're here!"
"come smoke a blunt with me."
you were immediately dragged away from everyone else, made to sit far away from the main crowd as you get coddled by two... clearly not lucid people.
"hey, give them something to drink."
"why don't you do it? i'm smoking right now."
"erm... guys i don't want anything-"
yeah that didn't happen.
you ended up sharing a blunt with these two idiots over here, ignoring how the loud party man keeps yapping about how this was his dream blunt rotation and how you were so hot. you swear you could feel a headache coming up with how much he babbles into your ear.
at least his stoner bestie was quiet, right?
wrong, if anything he was worse. he was lighting a bong, getting all sorts of high as he leaves a hand on your body. this hand was very touchy too, might you add. gripping and groping your hip, massaging the flesh under his long and slender fingers...
you just wanted to let loose damnit! exams were exhausting and now you couldn't even party?! why the hell were you surrounded by these two people?!
"can you guys let me go?"
"hahahah! let go? why would we let you go? i mean, i don't want to share you with anyone. i mean.... this guy over here is fine but why would i let you dance with those losers there?"
"mn... filthy pests don't deserve you... yeah.. yeah...."
gyatt damn the stoner was completely BAKED. and this... this party loser is not helping at all.
"uh... i need to pee-"
"pee into my mouth please babe!"
"piss... piss? yeah? yeah."
you guys ended up cuddling on the couch getting high and making out because that's what they wanted and you ended up wanting it too because you were high and it sounded good.
oh and they also... kind of... ahem, announced that you belonged to them but it doesn't really matter, right?
it's just a small little detail that you definitely won't get mad at them for when you sober up later. surely! ahaha...
yeah you should've just stayed at home.
#yandere#tw yandere#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere concepts#yandere party baddie#yandere party baddie x reader#yandere stoner#yandere stoner x reader#gn reader#suiana rambling#suiana brainrotting
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Letter from your Future Spouse | PICK A PILE
⊹ ᨦ Hello! Welcome to another PAP about future spouse, as you asked for a lot, here I am back ;) I have to warn you that there's a lil bit of nsfw in this reading so if you're underage LEAVE 😠
₊˚๑ How to choose: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the image that caught your attention. ₊˚๑ Disclaimer: All readings are done for entertainment only, don't use my readings as a replacement for legitimate advice. This is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't.
⊹ ࣪ ˖ masterist | tip jar
🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE ONE ᨦ ♡
⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹
"My dearest love,
I want you to know that all I truly desire is a peaceful life with you. In a world that often seems to value wealth, fame, and material luxuries, I find solace in the simplicity of our love. I don’t need grand gestures or extravagant possessions. As long as I’m by your side, that’s more than enough for me. I envision a quiet, private life where it’s just the two of us, free from the noise and distractions of the outside world. It doesn’t even matter to me if no one in the city we live in knows our name, all that matters is you and the beautiful life we build together. From the moment I met you, I’ve fallen for you deeply. Your essence captivates me in ways I can hardly explain. I love your unique style, even when others judge it harshly (Many people in this pile have a more alternative look, maybe even tattoos or piercings, and that just adds to how much they admire you). I find beauty in your individuality, in the way you express yourself unapologetically. I adore listening to you talk, even when your words ramble on about something seemingly silly – it doesn’t matter. When you ask me to, I love wrapping my hands around your neck, feeling the warmth of your skin beneath my fingertips. The way you beg for my touch sends shivers down my spine; it ignites a fire within me that I never knew existed. The pleasure you give me is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced, and I crave every moment we share. Seeing you from behind during our passionate encounters drives me wild with desire, and I’m utterly eager to know your taste in every sense. I am completely captivated by you; you have my heart, and honestly, I’d let you ruin my life if that’s what you wanted. I want you to know that you are free to be exactly who you are with me. Never apologize for being yourself; your authenticity is what makes you shine. Don’t let the opinions of others weigh you down or dictate how you live your life. You don’t need to seek validation from anyone or change who you are to fit someone else’s expectations. Those people who criticize you? They’re simply jealous because they lack the courage to live as freely as you do. Remember, you’re not perfect – none of us are – but you possess so much inherent value. I hope you can see that in yourself, even on days when self-doubt creeps in. I’ve noticed that you’ve been holding back, staying quiet when things or people bother you, and it’s been going on for far too long. It’s time to stop. You deserve to stand up for yourself and speak out when something doesn’t feel right. Don’t just let things slide or accept situations that don’t sit well with your heart. And please, exercise caution with the people you trust – not everyone has your best interests at heart. You are precious to me, and I want to protect you from any negativity or harm that may come your way. You mean everything to me, and I promise to be your safe haven, your supporter, and your biggest fan. Together, we can navigate this life and face whatever challenges come our way. I’ll always stand by your side, encouraging you to be the incredible person you are meant to be.
With all my love, Your future spouse."
🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE TWO ᨦ ♡
⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹
"My love,
I’ve never felt so happy or so deeply invested in someone until you came into my life. Before we became what we are now, we were just friends, and that in itself was confusing for me. I’d never felt anything like this for anyone before, so it caught me off guard. But now, being with you, I find myself in awe, thinking, "Wow, is this really my life?”. Being with you as your partner feels like the most divine experience I’ve ever had. Right now, I know there are people who don’t treat you the way you deserve. Some of them always think they’re right and criticize you, making it seem like you’re always wrong and never good enough. They point out your flaws and mistakes as if you aren’t capable of doing anything right. But listen to me, love, you don’t need to tolerate that. You deserve better. These people don’t know your worth, and I’m telling you, don’t waste your time trying to please them. Don’t let their words tear you down, and don’t let them walk all over you. It’s time for you to stand tall and show them exactly who you are. You’re so much more than their shallow judgments, and you don’t need their approval to know your value. The thought of losing you is something I can hardly bear. Just imagining you being with someone else, laughing with them, sharing moments, and kissing them – it makes my heart ache in ways I can’t describe. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’m protective of you because I love you so much, and the idea of someone else having what we have – it would break me. I know it sounds possessive, but it’s not in a toxic way. I just can’t imagine my life without you, and I don’t want to share you with anyone. You’re mine, and I’ll always fight for us because I know that what we have is rare. This kind of love doesn’t come around often, and it’s something worth fighting for, no matter what. I’ll be by your side through every high and low. I’m not going anywhere. Stay with me, because I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you’ve dreamed of. You deserve the world, and I’ll spend my life trying to give it to you. You’re beautiful – so incredibly beautiful. If we were in a room full of people, you’d still be the only one I’d see. No one else could ever hold my attention the way you do. You make me feel more alive than I ever have before, and I can’t help but be mesmerized by you, by the way you move, by everything you are. I want you. I want to feel you close, I want our bodies to collapse into one another, and I want to hold you through the night. I want to wake up the next morning with you beside me, your face illuminated by the soft light of the sun. I can’t imagine anything more perfect than that. Every moment with you feels like a dream, and I never want to wake up from it. I hope you know how much you mean to me, how much I cherish you. I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you, and I’ll stand by you, no matter what comes our way. You’re my heart, my soul, my everything.
With all my love, Your future spouse."
🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE THREE ᨦ ♡
⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹
"My darling,
I want you to know that I’m here to lift you up and encourage you to fly high, chasing after all your dreams with unwavering determination. I see you grappling with people who are rude or who treat you as if you’re less than you truly are, and I want you to realize that this mistreatment only happens because you allow it. I understand that you might hold back your words, choosing silence to avoid conflict, but it’s essential for you to stand your ground and assert yourself. You have every right to demand respect, and you must not let anyone walk all over you. It might take time for you to learn how to set boundaries and to stand firm without feeling guilty, especially if you’re someone who tends to please others. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but I promise you, you’ll get there if you take that first step. I see you feeling lonely at times, and it pains me to know that you’re going through this. I can help you mend that loneliness, and I want nothing more than to see you shine brightly in your own unique way. I long to be near you, to touch you, to kiss you passionately, and to explore every inch of your being. You deserve to feel desired and loved, and I want to be the one to show you just how incredible you are. I’ll make you scream with pleasure because you are such a good girl/good boy, and I will send you all the love in my heart, wrapped in every caress and whisper. You have the power to manifest the life of your dream. You can create the reality you desire, and I believe in you wholeheartedly. Know that I am practically at your feet, waiting for you to call out to me. As soon as you do, I will come running. Being apart from you right now feels like a dagger to my heart. Even though we haven’t met yet, I am on a quest to find you, enduring this distance as best I can. The thought of trying to stop loving you is impossible; it would only cause my feelings to deepen. I could never truly let you go, and the very idea of it is unbearable. But I hold on to the hope that one day we will be together, sharing everything that life has to offer. My eyes are always on you; you are everything I see. You are my world, my everything, and I will always be here, ready to embrace you when the time comes.
With all my love, Your future spouse."
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#fs reading#channeled reading#channeled song#future spouse reading#channeled message#future spouse pac#pac reading#free readings#divination#future spouse#pick a card#pick a picture#shufflemancy readings#shufflemancy#pick a pile#intuitive readings#intuitive tarot reader#intuitive messages#tarotreading#tarotreader#intuitive guidance#pick a photo#tarot pac#pac tarot#future spouse tarot#future spouse pick a card#tarot readings#paid readings#astrology readings#spirituality
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