#my friend was fourteen and terrified and traumatized

[femmesandhoney]

hate funerals bc the last one i went to my friend cried in front of everyone that she was to blame for her brothers death and it broke my heart like idk why anyone thinks speaking in front of a group is emotionally healing right after a death i think it can cause the bereaved way more confusion and pain tbh like theyve barely had a few days to confront what happened and you want them to speak eloquently in front of friends and loved ones? im sure some can and do find it healing, but the way many people force people to go up and speak bc they'll "feel better" or regret it is so mean and cruel in my eyes

[wordsinhaled]

have we talked yet about how after wild blue yonder fourteen put his coat back on? because i’m still crying about that

the fact that after that experience, he had to put a layer back up

the fact that he was so emotionally vulnerable with not-donna - not his best friend in the universe, but a poor copy of her who nevertheless, by virtue of being alien, had the capacity to process and hold his traumatic memories in a way that the real donna cannot

i’m rotating around in my mind the fact that what the doctor values and loves so much about donna is her inherent humanity - her human ability to manage dialectics, to believe multiple things at once - but she can only know as much about him beyond what she learned as the doctordonna as he is willing to tell her

and so there’s this duality to being best friends with donna, the real donna: the doctor has to engage in a terrifying vulnerability that he can’t bypass with her, if he wants to be truly seen. AND he has to recognize that there are some things he may never truly be able to share with her. he’s experiencing the ultimate dilemma of genuine human friendship and connection: having to open yourself up to be known. taking the risk. feeling the feelings. offering love despite the near guarantee of eventual pain

but ultimately, her friendship is still so deeply fulfilling, cherished, and overwhelmingly worth it to him, and it’s like now that he’s found her again, he treats her with such care and loving earnestness because how often does he really get more time like this?

and somehow it’s still heartbreaking, even with the wholesomeness and joy of their being reunited

anyways, just thought you could all cry with me

[championari]

Ten, Fourteen, and Fifteen - Romance and Emotional Expression

Ok. I want to talk about something intriguing me for a while. For a long time, I was under the perception that Ten was very romantic and very flirtatious. And I think the reason I had this idea is because out of all of the modern incarnations, he was more often placed in romantic situations. Rose, Madame de Pompadour, Martha had a crush on him, often got flirted with by random people, and even got married to Liz 1. But this perception is ultimately inaccurate because it doesn’t take into account what Ten thinks about these situations: in every single situation there is some level of barrier either naturally there, or one he put up himself.

Despite loving her, The Doctor doesn't share aspects of his life with Rose, like past companions. He balked at saying “I love you” to her on two separate occasions. He cared deeply about her, yet still didn’t feel comfortable sharing all of the heartbreak and pain he’s had to carry.  

Having MDP inside his head and hearing River say his name back to him visibly terrified him. Martha was obviously a dud, his proposal to Elizabeth 1 was on suspicion of her being a Zygon (he literally jetted out after marrying her), and the times we do see people flirting with him, he normally either doesn’t react or reacts awkwardly. 

"Considering my enemy has such a...handsome shape." "Now, that's one form of magic that's definitely not gonna work on me."

"You should see me in the mornings." "Ok." is visibly stunned at Astrid's implications

This collective amnesia the fandom used to harbor towards this topic is similar to that of the Doctor’s own philosophy about the topic. We see the surface-level attempts that ultimately act as a smokescreen to the truth: that the Doctor’s trauma and PTSD from the Time War prohibit them from being emotionally vulnerable. Donna, who we’ll get to later, nails this on the head: “You talk all the time, but you don’t say anything.” Because to love someone else romantically, even to entertain the idea via flirtation, means accepting the possibility of having someone else seeing you in all of your flattering and unflattering ways. The Doctor wasn’t ready for that yet, still steeped in the guilt of all the things they had to do in the war.

Fast forward thousands of years, 3 regenerations, and things have changed. In an attempt to cope with yet another traumatic event, The Doctor returns to the old face of Ten. But as we see throughout the specials, this attempt to cope (or more accurately avoid their trauma) doesn’t work, because the Doctor is trying to slip back into an identity that they can’t perform anymore. When Fourteen comments on how attractive Isaac Newton is, it surprises him because that action is not something Ten would’ve done. It’s that weird feeling you get when you look at a photograph of yourself when you were younger. The Doctor can’t love someone in the semi-detached way he did with Rose, because Twelve spent 24 years loving River. The Doctor is no longer drowning in the guilt caused by the Time War, a pillar of Ten’s self-perception because they saved it.  And in all honesty, The Doctor internally doesn’t even want to do so anymore. 

Donna is vital to this contrast between Ten and Fourteen simply down to her relationship with the Doctor: best friends. I made a full explanation about the significance of Donna in my dissertation about The Giggle’s ending here x, but to sum up: Donna is The Doctor’s most important relationship because she truly understands what it means to be The Doctor simply down her ability to empathize and relate to how they feel. However, one aspect of their dynamic that I didn’t go into, and one that has already been pointed out by many people, is that their relationship is inherently non-romantic. Donna and The Doctor are best friends. There’s no possibility of them becoming an item, and this in an oxymoronic way, makes her the perfect companion to cultivate a more romantically open Doctor. Donna acts as a mental safety net for Fourteen, allowing him to feel comfortable openly expressing attraction to other people as the basis of their friendship is based on a deep sense of love and support that isn’t romantic. Fourteen doesn’t feel afraid or scared to express his love because he already has a stable place of love to return to. An idea that Donna correctly points out in The Giggle: “You changed your face. And you found me. Do you know why? [...] To come home.”

This environment of stable love is what led Fourteen to eventually change into Fifteen. But it gets better.

You see, as I was watching Church on Ruby Road, there was something about Fifteen’s entire attitude that felt familiar to me. Specifically the open flirtation with Cherry (a marked contrast from Jackie and Nine). It was only in rewatching Utopia recently that it clicked. it was similar to Jack. See, the way I’ve always read Jack’s style of flirting is in appreciation of beauty as a whole. He flirts with everyone because he sees everyone as beautiful and feels comfortable telling them that. And you know who famously rubbed against that? The Doctor, Nine but also Ten.

The Doctor may have been uncomfortable with Jack’s flirting because he couldn’t possibly imagine being so open with expressing attraction of any kind, due to being so broken and traumatized after the Time War. But now The Doctor has worked through that enough to where they can be more comfortable expressing their emotions and their feelings. This is most perfectly encapsulated with Cherry but also, funnily enough, the moment with the police officer. Fifteen identifies that the officer has a girlfriend, and proceeds to spell out how much the man loves her and how he believes that love will be reciprocated. He makes this complete stranger feel happy and beautiful by reaffirming the love he feels towards his girlfriend. Fifteen wears his two hearts on his sleeve and feels perfectly comfortable making other people feel beautiful in flirtatious and non-flirtatious ways. He is a bonafide romantic in both senses of the word: 

1. conductive to or characterized by the expression of love.

2. of, characterized by, or suggestive of an idealized view of reality.

And to wrap all of this up in a neat bow, this wraps all the way back to how each incarnation was initially brought into the world. It’s said in the show that the first relationship a new incarnation has ends up being their most important, the most defining of their existence. Eleven’s was Amy, Twelve’s was Clara.

Ten’s was Rose, in that she was the first person he saw, but also that the reason he existed was to solely save her (Nine taking the Time Vortex out of her with a kiss). Ten was born out of love felt between two people, and as such tied so much of his self-perception to that type of dynamic. Not just in that once Rose was gone, but once he was without any second person in the TARDIS, he started spiraling into madness. Ten existed because of romantic love, but he couldn’t entirely express it due to his trauma, yet without any level of companionship, he deteriorated. A tragic paradox.

Fifteen was born from not only familial/platonic love cultivated by years spent with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia, but also love from himself. The Doctor didn’t repeat the (albeit understandable) mistake of taking on an outgrown identity because they finally felt safe enough to make that change. The first face Fifteen saw was Fourteen, The Doctor who looked upon his younger, scared, broken self with glee, empathy, and love. Fifteen’s love knows no restriction, whether that’s self-loathing, or fear of being known by others. 

Ten was born from Eros (romantic/sexual love) despite not allowing himself to feel it, Fourteen was supported by Storge (family/friendship love), so Fifteen can embody Agape (love of humanity) sustained by Philautia (self-love).

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

So you know you're beautiful stunning gorgeous incredible impeccable fic where fiona dearest into a toddler?

How about, how about! She deages into a teen!!!!

And like it's so much worse for them

Because they see the Fiona who always seemed larger than life is actually just a fucking child. Lip wants to turn around and yell only to come to face to face with a child and realise that she shouldn't even be here and that she should be away from all this mess

They all see how smart, how beautiful, how handy she is and they all wanna cry because their big sister could have gone so far had it not been for Monica and frank

OMG this is such a devastating idea!!! putting all my thoughts about this amazing idea under the cut because they got too long lol

the kids seeing fiona at thirteen, tiny and wide-eyed and determined, just a little girl really, off to the first of her three shitty after-school jobs … when at her age they were playing in the pool, hanging out with their friends, crawling into her bed at night when they couldn’t sleep.

fiona at fourteen, when monica came back for a month or two, waking up at five every morning to run for track, acing all her classes, wearing lip gloss that doesn’t suit her and writing in her diary because she’s trying to learn how to be a kid. the kids realizing that she only got to have this for a few short weeks before their parents left and reality set back in.

fiona at sixteen, pale and skinny and exhausted, a high school dropout juggling four jobs to keep the kids fed and warm and cared for. crying in the bathroom for a minute before one of the kids needs her help in the living room so she puts on a brave face and a smile and heads back out.

lip yelling at fiona for something and then freezing when he realizes she’s only a little girl pretending to be brave, wide-eyed and shaking. remembering how she used to be his whole world, all-powerful and braver than anything, when really she was so damn terrified and so damn small.

debbie getting upset when fiona reads her stuff about wanting to lose her virginity without deb’s permission, only to feel sick to her stomach when fiona reveals she’s been having sex with older people since she was a middle schooler, and that everything she saw her big sister do growing up wasn’t meant to be idolized at all, but were the results of a deeply traumatic upbringing.

UGH this is so sad … i must resist the urge to write this as a short spin-off lest it consume me …

thank you so much for the ask!!!

[zipadeea]

Haven’t played the game but I watched winter and the hospital gameplay of tlou last night and here’s why Joel absolutely made the best decision:

(SPOILERS)

1. My dude had a raging concussion friends. He was slammed in the head and out so cold the fireflies were able to move him into a bed in the hospital, and he had absolutely no idea where Ellie was. Then, Joel wakes up and is told Ellie lived, but btw we’re gonna kill her to save the world. And all my dude with a raging concussion hears is you’re going to kill my child, so obviously he takes on the whole hospital and saves her.

2. Ellie is different after winter. She is withdrawn, traumatized, obviously depressed and terrified. It does not matter if, as Marlene says, this is what Ellie wants, because the Ellie that joel knows is a survivor to her core. She wants to live. This post-winter Ellie might make the decision to die, but she is not in the right headspace to make that decision.

3. Ellie is fourteen. It should never even be up to her (if the fireflies gave her that chance, but that’s another whole point here). In a perfect world, medical decisions would be made by her parent/guardian. And Marlene gave up those rights when she had Joel take Ellie across the country.

4. The fireflies are hypocrites.

They fight for years against FEDRA for democracy and freedom and the rights of the people. But the moment it comes to “the fate of humanity” and “the only thing that can save us”, personal rights go out the window. Which is exactly what FEDRA did. The fireflies are defaulting to arguments for FEDRA when it comes Ellie.

(Also just, side note, but it’s really Marlene’s lack of emotional intelligence that fucks this all up for her. Like, I’m glad it was ends the way it does, but Marlene never should have told Joel that Ellie survived drowning. “How did you make it, I lost half my crew on the trip.” They adopted each other moron! Ellie imprinted on Joel like a duckling, and Joel (whom Marlene knows to be a very dangerous, closed off person) would find a way to take Ellie to the moon if she asked it of him. Marlene not seeing that killed everyone in the hospital.)

5. Finally, the doctor jumping straight to digging into Ellie’s brain and killing her is rash and stupid. There had to have been other tests they could have done first. He seems idiotic and very desperate and I don’t think it would have worked. Ellie would be dead and there still wouldn’t be a cure.

[dynamightmite]

Some of the responses to my last post have made me realize that maybe Bakugo's trauma isn't as well understood as some of the other characters', and, because I have free time today, I figured I might as well break it down in chronological order and work from there (warning you now: this will be long).

To begin with, there's a lot of obvious things about the Sludge villain incident that would be traumatizing for basically anyone. And as much as Bakugo tried to shove off the after-effects, we know he was scared:

But there are a lot of Bakugo-specific reasons why the Sludge villain really fucked with his confidence and sense of self-worth. For one thing, while we see Midoriya getting attacked, he's rescued by All Might almost instantly. He barely has time to realize he's suffocating before he's free. Bakugo? Not so much. It's unclear how long, exactly, the Sludge villain holds him hostage, but it's at least a few minutes. Which doesn't sound very long until you remember that Bakugo was fourteen, couldn't breathe, and, because he isn't stupid, was completely aware that multiple pro heroes were basically standing around watching him be brutalized and doing absolutely nothing to help.

The only person who did help was Deku. The only person. The only person who gave enough of a shit about Bakugo to try and save him was the person he has the most complicated relationship with: his rival, his victim, his childhood friend, the person he feels both the safest and most exposed with. The person he measures himself against constantly, and internally finds himself lacking. So not only is all of this happening, but Deku—who just hours earlier Bakugo was mocking for being weak—is the one person strong enough to try and do something, and gets front row seats to Bakugo's own weakness.

Then All Might shows up and saves Bakugo from what is, at that point, the most humiliating, terrifying thing that has ever happened to him. But of course Bakugo isn't happy about it; he never wanted to be saved by All Might, and meeting his hero for the first time the way he did? What Bakugo wanted, desperately, was to prove himself to All Might, and instead he's just another dumb kid that got saved from a villain attack by the greatest pro hero who ever lived.

Not only that, but this was in public. It was televized. Bakugo was made so famous for it, people recognized him years later on the street based solely on his face. And while theoretically that's great exposure for him, imagine if the worst, most degrading moment of your entire life was broadcast on live, national television, and constantly brought up like some funny anecdote by people who don't even know you. He was fourteen years old being physically assaulted and strangled in front of the entire country and unable to do anything about it. Not only did that damage his pride, but it really fucked with him mentally. Look at what Midoriya even says about him:

That's not even to begin talking about how much pressure he puts himself under to be the best, no exceptions. He has a full-on panic attack when he loses in Deku vs. Kacchan 1 because he ties his self-worth so completely to winning he thinks of himself and worthless without it. Look how deeply it affects him:

That's not just bruised pride, that's Bakugo dealing with every single one of his insecurities being laid bare in public again. It's gonna just keep happening, too. And sure, like with this fight, sometimes he brings it on himself, but. Holy shit, this poor kid.

Then, of course, we have the kidnapping.

Despite their misapplication of their information, the LoV actually understands Bakugo pretty well. By that I mean, they figured out what affects Bakugo the most and capitalize on it to try and win him over to their side. They attack his image as a hero. Which seems kind of lame and generic, except it really hits home. Why?

Because that's his biggest insecurity, his deep, dark shame: Bakugo doesn't think of himself as heroic.

He's an excellent fighter and strategist, he's fearless, able to work well under pressure, adaptable, quick-thinking, and extremely powerful. All incredible traits for a hero. What he doesn't have is an instinct to save others. Deku does; he'll reach his hand out to anyone, without thought, no matter the cost to his safety/happiness. But Bakugo consistently struggles with this aspect of being a true hero. He's very aware of how important it is—every time he talks about Deku looking down on him, the thing he was laughing at Bakugo for? Yeah, this is it—and how very much he lacks it. And the LoV rubs his face in the fact that not only do a bunch of villains see him as being villainous, but the public he's supposed to be well on his way to protecting do, too. Yeah Aizawa defends him, but of course that whole experience negatively affects Bakugo. Especially because of what comes after.

Deku vs. Kacchan 2 is probably the closest Horikoshi comes to stabbing the audience through the brain with a knife labeled "Bakugo's trauma".

The whole fight is just Bakugo baring his soul in the most raw, heart-wrenching way possible. Look at what he asks Deku:

None of these lines should be ignored. This is Bakugo admitting that he is terrified that every bit of praise he's ever received is meaningless in the face of reality, which has proven that he is not worthy. All Might didn't think so, otherwise why wouldn't he have picked Bakugo to be his successor? Every ounce of skill, all the effort Bakugo has poured into his dream, it all means nothing. Why? Because Deku is inherently heroic, and Bakugo is not. Bakugo knows it, Midoriya knows it (why else would he be laughing in Bakugo's face if he wasn't intimately aware of his failures?), All Might knows it—hell, the whole world knows it. And because Bakugo is his own worst critic, he's gutted that someone like him, someone unworthy, destroyed the Symbol of Peace. His hero.

Does this not look like trauma? Does this not look like a kid poorly dealing with PTSD who's lashing out and trying to punish himself? And trying to purge his emotions the only way he knows how, through fighting? Who is desperately seeking some kind of compassion and connection in Deku, because he is losing his mind and can't keep going? He's a kid who's been given basically zero support, who's been expected to deal with not only being kidnapped and psychologically tortured, but also being the direct cause of Japan's sudden criminal uprising. That is so much pressure to put on a child. Any single bit of Bakugo's experience would be traumatizing by itself, but put together? It's like a personalized hell for him.

And then we have the Moment. The my body just moved on its own moment. Bakugo is so afraid for Deku leading up to this:

And afterward? It really affects him.

He's scared for Deku. He's beating himself up for not supporting him better, for not getting over himself and taking Deku's hand. He thought his closest person was going to die in front of his eyes, and then that person ran away. Of course that traumatized Bakugo.

Now, the reason Bakugo's trauma often gets overlooked (both in canon and in the fandom space) is, in my opinion, because he doesn't express his trauma in a way that's easy to romanticize. It often comes out as anger and violence, loud and obnoxious and toxic. His trauma responses hurt other people, specifically Deku. And in a character that isn't going for poor little meow meow bloodthirsty vengeance-based criminal or abused child with terrible social skills but a heart of gold, it's hard for people to wrap their heads around the fact that Bakugo isn't really a bad kid so much as he's a kid who has had a lot of crap dumped on him and hasn't been given any tools to heal. He doesn't know how to express his feelings easily or clearly when he isn't in the middle of a fight, and he has very few coping skills to help him deal with his crippling self-loathing and inferiority complex. So when he reaches his mental limit, he—pun intended—explodes.

That isn't to say that Bakugo isn't responsible for his trauma responses, the same way every other character is. He absolutely deserves to be taken to task over them, and the narrative has done a good job of giving him one consequence after the other. But at the same time, he really is just a child who is doing his best in a fucked up situation. And while his actions definitely have hurt other people, the amount of mental torment Bakugo finds himself in on a regular basis deserves more sympathy than I think he sometimes gets.

I understand why characters like Shoto get more of the poor baby treatment, because he's the perfect victim: faultless, and his anger is almost 100% directed at the perpetrator, his father. Comparatively, Bakugo's trauma is messy and overflowing and directed at all the wrong people. But that's neither unrealistic nor even all that surprising, given what we know about him. And part of that is because his trauma isn't nearly as straight-forward, since it's so wrapped up in his own self-esteem issues that he blames himself, and then tries to refocus his hurt and anger on Deku to mitigate his own pain.

It's a big part of why I like Bakugo so much; he represents the unappealing side of trauma responses that are so common, but so often get overlooked because they're unappealing. He's a victim who doesn't act the way we want a victim to act, but rather the way they usually do, and for that I applaud Horikoshi on his realism.

[iamaweirdbeing]

@p-bubblegum @rubies-nightinga1e @housecatdahousecat and @celtic-sword requested elaborations on this post 

Buckle up bc this is going to be a long one (no seriously this is so long I probably should have made this more than one part) and I combine some explanations so not every bullet has one

- The version of Artemis in featured in the series is one of the most manipulative and selfish gods we see in any of the books

My example for this one will be the lovely Bianca di Angelo, because I think she is the most complicated example of this and then I will connect what I think are the more blatant examples.

Bianca was sent into the entire world of the gods blind. This isn’t odd, all of the characters are shown to either be raised to know about the gods and what life will be like as a demigod or they are drop kicked into this world when a monster tries to murder then. The di Angelos experienced the latter.

The thing about Bianca is that she joined the hunters after only like twenty minutes of knowing them. A twelve year old girl who just experienced one of the most traumatic things to have ever happen to her is in no position to be making major life decisions. Artemis (Percy Jackson Artemis only, in most myths she is wonderful) is SO MANIPULATIVE.

All of the other major choices Bianca is shown to make or have made in the past portray her as a very maternal and responsible person. She has taken care of Nico for years, she accepted the quest immediately when asked because she thought it would help people, she was willing to die for her mistake in the scrapyard, HER JOINING THE HUNTERS AND LEAVING NICO ALONE JUST SEEMS SO OUT OF CHARACTER.

Personally, I blame Artemis completely. There is no way that Bianca could have been given a proper explanation of the hunters in the time she was with them. I just don’t believe it. All the information we know for sure that Bianca knows is that the hunters are conditionally immortal, they are all girls around the same age as Bianca or younger (Zoe is described to be the physically oldest there and she is only like fourteen), the hunters go after monsters, and they have a cabin at camp. I think that the cabin is the main piece of information that causes problems because when Bianca tells Nico she is a hunter she tells him they will still see each other often, meaning she is unaware of how the hunters actually work and how little they actually stay at camp half blood.

BIANCA DIDNT REALIZE THE EXTENT THAT SHE WAS LEAVING NICO AND NO ONE CORRECTED HER

Another reason I blame Artemis and not Bianca is be ARTEMIS IS A GODDESS. Bianca just met a goddess who saved her life. She is a terrified twelve year old. Was she just supposed to say no??? to an all powerful goddess she knows nothing about other than she just saved her life??

Bianca just watched a monster who looked like a trusted teacher tackle a girl barely older than herself off a cliff and vanish. She was probably in the most terrified state she had ever been in and Artemis just jumps in to make her a hunter (it also bothers me that all three girls in PJO we see become hunters, those girls being Zoe, Bianca, and Thalia, are all very young girls who join almost immediately after going through something awful, Zoe being betrayed by Hercules and Thalia being told that she either had to join the hunters or become the prophecy kid after she thought she just killed her childhood best friend, with no time truly think about their decision). Then Bianca was chosen by an authority figure she trusted to go on a quest that she didn’t understand with no training where she died.

Bianca was killed because those around her failed to teach her about being a halfblood and Artemis manipulated her by using power and fear against her so that she would join the hunters. I’m willing to bet that a lot of other demigod kids died for those same reasons.

- Luke can be blamed for a lot of things but starting a child army is not one of them, he didn’t create a child army he stole Chiron’s

I’m not going to get into all of my thoughts about what Luke does in the series bc we do not have time for that, so I’m going to explain what he didn’t do. He did not start a child army. The titan army was in part a child army, it was also a monster and god army, but there were a lot of child soldiers.

However, Luke was not the one to create an child army, Chiron did that. Camp Half-Blood is not as obvious as Camp Jupiter with the child army thing, but Chiron is known to train “heroes”. In pjo the gods are well aware that a war is coming and none of them try to stop it. Chiron is also aware that a war is coming, so the “heroes” he’s training are children he’s knowingly preparing for war.

Luke’s army is made from campers who defected from Chiron’s army, so Luke can’t be blamed for starting a child army, just for leading one, because that army is just made up of Chiron’s child soldiers.

- on that note Chiron sucks

- his favoritism and him ignoring the mental health of the campers is why the second titan war got as bad as it did

- It’s also the reason that Nico suffered as much as he did

Chiron has favorites. This is shown in the way that he personally advises some of the main characters (Percy and Annabeth) but others are left ignored. Not that this is referenced within the books bc Percy is the narrator and as a favorite who is only a seasonal camper, he is not in a position to recognize the favoritism. He also only trains a select few of them, Luke and other head counselors were the ones training kids. Now I understand that Chiron is only one person so he can’t train everyyone, but that’s just even more proof that the kids he trains are his favorites. As for ignoring the mental health of his campers, it is obvious that campers are not getting the help they need because of the actions they take throughout the series. (He locked Chris Rodriguez in a basement while he was having a mental break and a fouteen year old Clarisse was the one who looked after him, I think that says a lot)

My examples for this will be Nico and Luke bc I think they are the most extreme cases of this. When Bianca dies, Nico, a highly powerful, grieving, suicidal, ELEVEN YEAR OLD is homeless for an entire YEAR. Chiron never went looking for him, never provided him with healthy ways to grieve, and was more concerned with Nico being a child of Hades than he was with Nico being a hurting child who he was responsible for. Chiron never even helped to make him feel included at camp after the second titan war which made him run away again. Similarly, he never helped Luke through the grieving process. It was made clear in the books that, leading up to his betrayal (especially after his quest) Luke was not acting normal. Chiron never checked on him or tried to help him. Chiron was aware that there was a war coming and never thought to check on the campers who were very obviously not coping well mentally.

Imagine if you were Nico or Luke and the person you cared about more than anyone in the world died, and your new caretaker didn’t give a shit aside from general empathy that doesn’t actually help you in any way. Chiron is in charge of these kids. He’s supposed to RAISE these kids for their parents. He doesn’t do that, he raises some of them and leaves the rest to raise themselves and raise their siblings. If Chiron actually did his job, Luke might not have been Kronos’s pawn, way less campers would want to join the titan army, and Nico wouldn’t have ran after the first war, because they would have had a home with a stable parental figure who they trusted.

- By contrast I think that Mr. D is one of the most caring of the gods and the way he acts towards the campers is his loophole around Zeus’s rules

- Like he acts as a therapist for Nico and it’s implied that he does the same for other campers, he does care for them

Mr. D might act like he hates his job and hates the kids, but he is actively helping them in any way that he can while playing up that persona. And that persona is how he’s not getting in trouble with Zues, so long as he seems like he hates interacting with the kids he can keep doing it because Zues thinks it’s a punishment. He healed Chris, he plays games with campers, he PROVIDES THERAPY, HE CLAIMS ALL HIS KIDS. He does more than any other god, and more than Chiron does, for a lot of kids. I think that the reason it’s a little more difficult to tell with this is because he puts in a little less effort with Chiron’s favorites, who are the narrators and main characters so it’s their POV that we are getting, because he’s trying to help the campers who don’t have anyone else.

- Percy’s hatred of Luke is something I have a lot of thoughts on- I think it shapes a lot of his opinions of people and makes him oblivious to how similar he and Luke are/how much logic they share

- Like I think Thalia and Percy getting along is entirely dependent on Percy ignoring how intertwined Luke and Thalia’s lives were

- I don’t think Percy understands anyone grieving Luke and the only person he tries to be empathetic towards in regards to that grief is Annabeth

Percy tends to ignore Luke. After getting Luke a proper funeral because of a final heroic act that he respects, Percy never really thinks about Luke again. If he does, it’s not in a positive light. Him ignoring Luke is how he’s able not not see how similar their logic is. They share a lot of the same opinions about the gods, but bc of his fatal flaw Percy associates Luke with betrayal and war instead of their shared opinions. This also makes it hard for Percy to empathize with Luke, which causes the hatred and resentment, and makes it hard for him to understand those who grieve for him. An example of this being how he tries to empathize with Annabeth grieving for Luke without thinking about Luke as anything more than a person who hurt her and others.

If we apply this to Percy’s opinion and perception of Thalia, that means Percy has to ignore a huge part of her life in order to make his feelings about Luke make sense.

It’s said by Annabeth in the books that she thinks Percy and Thalia will either get along really well or try to kill each other, but the former is what actually happens after some time

Percy and Thalia get along on a personality level, but Percy is also shown to not understand why Thalia cares for/grieves Luke. In ttc he doesn’t understand and actually gets mad at her for crying over Luke while they’re on their quest to get Annabeth and Artemis back. Thalia is not Thalia without Luke just like how Luke is not Luke without Thalia. They grew up together, fought together, fought for each other, and care more deeply about each other than either is shown to care for anyone else. In fact the betrayal is the only thing that truly shifts those feelings. They are such important pieces in each other’s live that it took a war for their relationship to shift.

Percy doesn’t understand what Luke and Thalia were to each other and he doesn’t want to. He wants to be friends with Thalia, but he won’t compromise his opinion and ignorance of the person Luke was to do it. So he ignores how connected Luke and Thalia are in order to do just that.

- I don’t think it makes sense for Thalia as a character to stay a hunter after she learned Jason was alive

Thalia became a hunter for the immortality so that she wouldn’t have to become the child of the prophecy. I’ve already talked about how I think that Artemis manipulates young traumatized girls into joining the hunters, that combined with the fact that Thalia was very much against joining the hunters for all of ttc proves she never actually wanted to be a hunter. When she no longer has to worry about the prophecy and she gets her brother back, there is no way that she would choose the hunters, who she didn’t want to be a part of in the first place, over her family.

- I think a majority of camp half blood campers (like those who aren’t his friends) are afraid of Percy

Percy is objectively terrifying. He helped win two wars, survived tartarus, has threatened gods, was offered godhood, and has been described as looking incredibly intimidating. There is no way that campers who have never interacted with him before aren’t scared of him. And he’s a seasonal camper, he’s not around enough for most campers to have interacted with him so that they aren’t afraid of him.

- Will Solace hates Percy Jackson and you cannot convince me otherwise

Percy Jackson lead the two battles that ended in Will losing his older brothers. Are those deaths Percy’s fault, they aren’t, not really, but Will is a child who is going to blame someone. That someone is most likely going to be Percy because he was the child of the prophecy and because Percy was incredibly insistent that Will heal Annabeth during the battle of Manhattan while Michael Yew was MIA and dying.

Moving on to stuff that WAS Percy’s fault. Percy tried to strangle Nico di Angelo. It’s not that Nico wasn’t doing anything wrong, it’s not that Percy didn’t have a right to be mad. It’s that Percy was almost SIXTEEN and his response to and to Nico’s mistake was to strangle him. Nico was TWELVE. Yes he was wrong to do what he did, and yes Percy was still a kid, but a sixteen year old knows better, a twelve year old who’s incredibly mentally unstable and has been practically homeless for two years doesn’t.

Nico would tell his boyfriend what happened and Will would understand what was wrong with that situation even if Nico does not. Will would not forgive Percy for that, especially bc Percy has never tried to make it right. So yeah I think Will hates Percy.

- Cabin 11 never recovers from the second titan war and it is Hermes fault, Luke hurt them, Hermes’s actions made it so they would never recover

- I do not think a single child of Hermes likes their father, there will never not be resentment there

Cabin 11 shatters after the titan war. Luke raised and trained everyone in that cabin. They are probably never going to be trusted by the camp the same way ever again, they are probably never going to trust themselves and each other the same way ever again. After all of the hell that was the second titan war, Hermes doesn’t change. He doesn’t interact with them, or raise them, or even do anything more than claim them (which is a requirement because of Percy’s demands after the war). Cabin 11 breaks because of Luke’s betrayal and the war, but Hermes’ not changing his ways after all the pain he caused is what chatters them. And they all hate him for it.

[simplykorra]

Shallow - Chapter Fourteen

@dreamsaremywords​ your turn ;)

-------------------------

 “Why are you so twitchy?” Raven asks, eyes narrow as she stares up at Clarke from her hospital bed. She looks really good, rested and more alert than she was yesterday.

 She’s also prodding incessantly into Clarke’s personal life, which is the most telling sign that she’s feeling better. “I’m not twitchy.”

 “You are, your foot is tapping like you’ve missed a hit of something and you keep staring at your watch. Am I keeping you from something?”

 Clarke sighs, shaking her head - now feeling bad because her mind is in a lot of different places. “No, it’s not you. I…tomorrow is date night with Lexa.”

 “Ah, which one is this?”

 “Three,” she says, knowing the onslaught is coming.

 “Ooh, you know what that means,” Raven winks, because of course she does.

 The only problem is, Clarke’s usual line of ‘we’re holding off on sex’ doesn’t come out. She can't find the will to say it.

 She’s losing her own game. “I know,” she hates how disappointed she sounds.

 Raven catches it, of course. “Are you not excited? I thought date number two was awesome?”

 “No, it was. I’m excited I just…” she really doesn’t know how to explain it - she can't hardly explain it to herself. “Nevermind.”

 “Come on, Clarke. Look at me. I’m sick and have been through a traumatic event in my life. I'm a shell of myself, give me something to hold on to.”

 Now it’s Clarke’s turn to narrow her eyes. “Your super hot girlfriend just went to buy you flamin’ hot cheetos, don’t give me a sob story.”

 Raven smiles brightly. “You’re right, my life is pretty great.” Clarke rolls her eyes, but can't stop herself from smiling too. “Make it better, give me your drama. You and Lexa are better than the shitty daytime soaps I find on TV in this place.”

 If there’s anyone she can open up to about this stuff, these things in her head that don’t even make sense to her, it’s Raven.

 “I’m going to lose,” she says - almost to herself.

 “Lose what?”

 Clarke sighs. “I thought…I wanted her to need it, you know? Need me. I needed her to look at me and say that she has to have me.”

 She can tell she’s got Raven’s attention because she turns the TV off overhead and sits up as best she can with her leg in a full cast. “Have you not had that already? I know you two held off when you went legit but she’s certainly      needed     you before.” Hearing it like that sounds so stupid, she feels stupid. So much so that she doesn’t have an answer. “Oh,” Raven says and Clarke peeks up at her, partially terrified Raven’s going to call out her absurdity. “This is about her ex, isn’t it?”

 As soon as Raven says it, Clarke flinches. “Maybe,” she admits. “I dunno.”

 “It’s not that crazy, Clarke.”

 She looks up at her best friend, curious and grateful for her understanding. Even if she has a hard time accepting it. “No?”

 “This ex, she’s attractive?”

 Clarke nods. “She’s a dance instructor with literally perfect complexion and gorgeous hair and…yeah. She’s attractive.”

 “So much so that you’re feeling a little outclassed?”

 This conversion is starting to tumble downhill. “I guess,” Clarke grumbles.

 “And she’s into Lexa, so if Lexa wants it, she can probably get it.”

 “Raven, is this steering into the direction of actually making me feel better or…”

 “Look, I get what you were going for. You want to feel wanted. You want Lexa to beg you to take her home and fuck her.”

CONTINUE ON AO3

[kimnjss]

cherry pickers | jjk sm au

banner by @dee-ehn​

🖇 synopsis:

— known for your body and surrounded by rumors about your sex life... rumors that he doesn’t think to doubt. until he’s meeting you... forced to realize there’s much more to you then the thonged shorts and lacy costumes.

(or, you’re a video vixen with an assumed identity and jungkook manages to see past it.)

pairing: gamer(fuckboi)!jungkook x video vixen(virgin)!reader

fic type: social media au

side ships: sope (?)

genre: a gross amount of fluff :( smut!! // some angst mixed in ofc.

disclaimer: jungkook’s friends are real assholes nd some of the things they say are… ehhh :/ i’m sure the actual 97gc is nothing like this - this is strictly for story telling purposes!!

updates: everyday. (please don’t ask!!)

A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. if u want to be added to the tag list, send me an ask! + if you’ve asked to be on my permanent taglist, you do not need to ask to be added to this one !!

parts:

prologue

character profiles: 97 liners

character profiles: jungkook nd his hyungs

character profiles: yn nd crew

part one: open house

part two: basic geometry

part three: kinda cute

part four: status report

part five: bro code gods

part six: worthy opponent

part seven: birthday dinner

part eight: broke boi

part nine: moving funny

part ten: just hanging out

part eleven: formal setting

part twelve: romance factor

part thirteen: fourth wheel

part fourteen: pretty boy

part fifteen: bare minimum

part sixteen: kiss me

part seventeen: devoted hoes

mini time jump: always careful

bonus: ruined me

time jump: come over

part eighteen: balls deep

part nineteen: being gross

part twenty: food demon

part twenty-one: 190718 yn

part twenty-two: fucking yoongi

part twenty-three: keep going

part twenty-four: real different

part twenty-five: random fuck

part twenty-six: traumatically destructive

part twenty-seven: shit show

part twenty-eight: just perfect

part twenty-nine: we’ll survive

part thirty: fucking terrified

part thirty-one: break up

time jump: couple rescue

part thirty-two: only you

part thirty-three: take notes

epilogue(1)(2)

end

[liptonsbabe]

I was wondering if you can do a request with Finnick Odair and my oc/me (Hannah). You don’t have to use my name, but it’s Hannah if you do. So here’s some backstory. So Hannah’s father is a district 1 victor of the hunger games, her mother is a stylist and her father lived in the capital now due to district 1’s privileges. Hannah was born and raised in the capital, but was taunt by her parents to be anti hunger games, due to her father being in the games and seeingnn the horrors along with being traumatized by seeing them when she was 8. So her and finnick met while her mother was his stylist in the games. They became friends and caught feelings when they were 16. She was one of the only person who knew the truth about his “many lovers” and she was there to help him through it. They started dating when they were 19 and when they were 21 (just after the 72nd games), they were able to sneak Hannah back on the train with them into district 4. The capital tried to get her back, but since this was great publicity and stuff, they just left it because it wasn’t as important and they could also profit off their relationship, as well as also continuing to see finnick. So I was thinking you can write something pretty recently after Hannah arrived to district 4, so maybe at first people don’t really like her because she’s privileged and from the capital, so maybe finnick tries to reassure her. And maybe you can do some cute things where they have a romantic walk along the docks and maybe it can end with them playing in the water after Hannah fell in.

I just thought it’d be something cute

We Remain [F.O]

Finnick Odair x reader

Word count: 2.7K

Warnings: Snow's a motherf*cker so yeah, he did awful things to Finnick

A/N: Very first request! hope you like it hun. My box are still open for request! English not my mother language so please let me know if something's wrong. Enjoy!

"So, what are you doing here?" Finnick sat down next to you on the thick warm sand startling you by his sudden arrival. You had been sitting on the shore of the beach for a couple of hours now and Finnick kept watching you from the dock not wanting to interrumpt your thoughts.

He knew you were not comfortable in his district. You told him how much you loved the ocean, seeing the sun reflected on the water in the mornings and the beautiful view from the lookout point, yet there was something that didn't make you feel at home.

You slumped your shoulders as Finnick slipped his arm over them giving you a small smile. Your eyes focused on the calm, deep blue sea in front of you. The sun was about to set creating strange shapes in the remaining waves and you kept your gaze fixed on them trying to find them some form.

Finnick sighed pressing you against him. Your body trembled from the closeness which made him smile. Finnick was damn cocky and he loved the effect he had on you. He kissed your hair waiting for his question to be answered. You closed your eyes, shaking your head.

"I...I was thinking."

"About what?"

"About home. I mean...in everything that was left behind."

Finnick nodded thinking you must miss your district terribly. You were born and raised in the capitol thanks to your father winning his games, but your home was always district one. Even if you never saw district one in your life, the stories your parents told about it created in your mind a sense of having a place where you truly belonged.

Your parents raised you to hate the hunger games. It wasn't a tradition, it was a massacre, a terrifying event that disgusted them and they didn't want you to grow up believing that taking children to the reaping every year and watching them die in a bloodbath was what was meant to happen, so, at their peril, your parents managed to get your name out of the urn every year to save your life permanently.

Then, when your mother became the stylist for the winner of the 65th hunger games everything became easier. You met Finnick and he became a protective shield against the capitol. He was only fourteen when he won the games so Finnick spent most of his time at your house in the company of your father. Then in the following years Finnick became a mentor to the new tributes and your father was always by his side creating between the two of you a very strong bond.

Sometimes, when he spent the nights at your house he escaped from his bedroom and went to yours just to talk sitting in your bed while you were eating snacks. You told him about district one and how much you would like to visit there someday and he told you how wonderful district four was and how he spent his evenings before he was the brightest star in Panem. Almost every night you met to talk and when he turned sixteen he stopped knocking at your door.

At first you didn't understand why he stopped visiting. No calls, no texts, no explanations why he didn't come to your house anymore. Until one day, as you were taking a walk downtown you heard the insidious gossips around him.

"Did you enjoy your night with Finnick Odair?" a woman asked another as they enjoyed a warm evening at the diner. Your footsteps stopped behind them feeling your heart skip a beat as you heard Finnick's name on her red lips. The woman let out a giggle waving her open hand next to her face trying to cover her blush.

"He's amazing! Oh my god, dear, it's... it's splendid. Really, he's worth it."

"What does he want in return?" the other woman asked. You felt your face turn green with disgust.

"Secrets. A very good one. One that will trace your path to the stars..."

You walked away from there as fast as you could avoiding remembering the words of those two women. For god's sake, Finnick was only sixteen, he was a kid and he was leading an adult life. It was disgusting. You came home with tears in your eyes and your breath hitching. Your mother squeezed your shoulders but you couldn't speak, you were too confused for that. You mumbled something your mother didn't understand and you ran off to your room not noticing that Finnick had met with your father that afternoon and was watching you from the open door of your dad's office.

Tears streamed down your face as you closed the door. You were speechless. Finnick had left you aside after sharing so many late night talks in his company, so many smiles and so many dreams only to lead a life like the rest of the people in the capitol. The glory and the power had finally brought out the worst in him and you couldn't hate the capitol any more than you already did.

You heard a couple of knocks on your door followed by a "(Y/N), are you okay?" from Finnick's voice. Your cries subsided waiting for him to leave, but that didn't happen, instead he persisted until he heard a response from you.

"I'm fine" you replied with a broken voice. You imagined Finnick frowning.

"Are you sure?" he asked. You listened as he tried to turn the doorknob, but you had locked it in "I saw you coming. I was talking with your dad about some stuff and i thought something had happened to you, may I come in?"

"No!" you replied. Your tears threatening to come out again "I'm-I'm fine, okay? I don't need you. Go away."

Finnick was silent for a moment, nevertheless, he kept trying to turn the knob

"(Y/N) let me in."

"didn't you hear me? I want you to leave. Now."

"Not until you open the door."

"You'll stay there, then"

"If that's what i have to do..."

You walked to your bed sitting on it crying silently. Your heart was aching. Deep down you felt something was going on between you and Finnick, something that went beyond the friendship you both proclaimed, but the blindfold had fallen off your eyes as you listened to those women talk about Finnick like he was a piece of meat. You didn't know what was going on, you didn't understand it either and Finnick was just there playing innocent. Finnick turned the knob one more time.

"Well, this makes me think you don't trust me enough like I thought you did."

Crying gave way to annoyance to that point. You jumped to your feet, glancing towards the door imagining Finnick's contracted face on the other side

"Look who's saying it."

"I don't understand."

"Stop pretending, Finnick"

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be pretending" His voice sounded so calm it made you rage. You walked over to the door "I just want to know what happened so I can help you. That's what friends do, isn't it?

"So we're friends now? After you left without explanation we're friends? We're friends even though you didn't tell me what the hell were you doing with your oh-so-many-lovers?"

Finnick was silent for a long time making you think he just left, but then you heard a deep sigh and the creak of the wood as he leaned his body against the door

"So you know it."

You frowned, opening the door with a smash taking him by surprise. Your eyes were bloodshot from crying and pent up anger. Finnick had never seen you so upset

"So you know it, that's all you're going to say?"

"I can explain"

"Then it's true. What I heard..."

"No, no" he denied walking into your room closing it with his foot. You walked backwards trying to get away from him. Finnick knew about the rumors about him in the capitol, he never cared what they were saying about him, but he did care about what you had heard and how you might miunderstand it "It's true. What you said..."

"You're sixteen, for God's sake!" you shouted, disgusted "How-how can you...?"

"It's not how you're imagining it. They're making me do it."

"Yeah, right."

"It's true" Finnick answered approaching you and caressing your cheeks. He connected his eyes with yours and you managed to see a crystalline layer in them "It's true, (Y/N)"

"What?" you asked, horrified. Finnick closed his eyes, pursed his lips and nodded "But how? who?"

"President Snow."

"Why?"

"He'll kill my family if I don't do what he asks."

Your mind went blank. Finnick opened his eyes pearly with tears.

"But, you don't have a family."

Finnick smiled.

"You are my family" Your heart raced "Ever since my games...you and your parents became an important part of my life. You've given me a home, a place where I know I'm welcome, a place where i know all of you don't care what I am, but what I was before I was a victor and what's left of me since then. Snow threatened to harm you and your parents."

"Really?"

"Really. He knows how important you are for me" His breath collided against your lips in a stormy closeness "There is no one I care more about. That's why I had to accept. It's not easy for me, I hate what I became, but I had no choice (Y/N), I swear"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Finnick took a few steps away, ducking his eyes.

"I was too embarrassed. I still am. At some point I would have told you, of course, but I wasn't... I wasn't ready, I'm still not."

"Finnick..."

"I'm sorry for disappointing you."

He tried to leave your room but you stopped him squeezing him in a tight embrace that take your breath away. Finnick squeezed your body tightly lifting your feet off the floor.

"You didn't have to" you whispered. He denied

"I have to and I will. I'm not going to let them hurt you or your parents. What happens to me doesn't matter as long as you're safe."

"God, Finnick, I love you so much."

You broke apart instantly, you were so embarrassed by what you had just said and Finnick were shocked in surprise. Your cheeks grew hot and you were about to run away if it wasn't for Finnick's lips that pressed against yours in a small kiss. Finnick smiled

"I love you too."

.

Even after you confessed to each other you couldn't have a romantic relationship, at least not in public. Finnick had to continue obeying Snow's orders and you tried not to interfere to damage him even more, so the only ones who knew about you were your parents and Maggs, Finnick's old friend.

He came back to visit you at night in your room, you talked about anything that came to your mind (except about Finnick's many lovers) and, one night, he told you every secret he knew.

"Why are you telling me all this?" you asked him, watching your intertwined hands. You were both nineteen at the time and the secrets Finnick had obtained were too many. He smiled

"No one lives forever" he replied "Someday the advantage I have against Snow will turn against me and if that ever happens I need someone else to tell the truth for me"

"That's not going to happen"

He shrugged his shoulders

"You never know"

.

When Finnick saw the opportunity to leave the capitol after the hunger games where the tributes from district twelve put on a show and unleashed the wrath of President Snow, he didn't hesitate twice in proposing to take you with him to district four.

He put together a plan to hide you on the train until you passed district three where you were out of the president's reach. You weren't sure if it was a good idea, but your parents encouraged you to run away saying it was the safest place you could be. You were still unsure about it because you knew that your parents' lives would be in danger if Snow found out, however, your father assured you that they would be fine, the capitol wouldn't touch them and you could leave with Finnick and start a new life. You accepted then, sneaking onto the train that left for district four the next morning.

Of course, Snow was informed of your scape weeks later when you and Finnick managed to successfully settle in a house away from the victors' village. Neither of you wanted to live under the government roof and Finnick took a small place near the coast, where you received an unwelcome letter from the president asking you to return immediately to the capitol before the consequences became severe. Finnick replied for you, saying in a single paragraph that he didn't agree with that.

"I have a mind full of secrets. It doesn't suit you for me to become an open book. (Y/N) won't come back and neither will I."

Snow calmed down. Finnick seemed very pleased by that and things calmed down a bit. But there, in the utter calm of the sea, you still felt something was missing.

Finnick rubbed your arms as the sun went down and the moon appeared. The days in district four were too hot and the nights too cold, it was hard to get used to the change, even more so when no one in the district seemed to feel comfortable with your presence.

You could tell by the looks of the women on the shore and the angry faces of the fishermen. For them you were an intruder, a privileged one who had never had to suffer what their children did every year during the reaping cause your father, being a victor, had saved your ass. To them you were a coward, a disgrace and a pest who shouldn't have made it all the way to district four.

Finnick kissed your temple enjoying the silence of the newly arrived night. You sighed thinking about how much Finnick lost when he met you. His freedom, his decision about his body, the affection of the people in his district, his home in the village and so many other things you didn't want to remember. Finnick clicked his tongue, rubbing your arms again.

"Stop thinking, love."

"I can't. This all feels like a dream, a very... devastating one."

"You know what people think or don't think about us is something you can't change."

"Yes, but I would like to show them that I am more than they think, I am more than the daughter of someone who survived the hell of the games. Let them know that my presence doesn't represent a mockery to their dead children in the arena, that I am not a bad person."

"And you're not. Give them time. They're not bad either. They are against the system just like us, at some point they will realize we are on their side. Don't worry about it, I won't let anyone minimize you or make you feel bad. I'm going to protect you, okay? That's what we do, protect each other."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Now come on sweetie, let's take a walk" Finnick lifted you up easily taking your hand to walk across the sand. Finnick's hand against yours brought you security and a relief you couldn't explain. As you walked you rested your head on his shoulder and he hugged you close to him "We'll be fine, (Y/N), just... trust me"

"As always."

"Fair enough."

Then Finnick pulled your hand into the cold water of the sea splashing you in the face. You played back at him and the two of you ended up having a little fight in the middle of the sea. Finnick reached over, grabbed you around the waist and brushed your lips together.

"We'll be fine," he said. You nodded

"We'll be fine."

[lokifantasies]

Missing (Loki/Jade/Reader)

Jade runs away, you and Loki panic, and she immediately misses her home.

Warning: attempted sexual assault scene.

Read the first part here!

Read the Mischievous Life series here!

"She's not here," Loki voice, filled with fear, calls out from Jade's bedroom. You immediately stand up from the couch and follow your lover out the front door to see what the two of you can find. "Jade!" Loki yells, his voice panicking.

"Jade!" you call out after Loki's loud voice.

The two of you are only met with the silence of winter air and the sound of snow crunching under your feet.

"Where the hell did she go?!" you try to figure out.

Loki scoffs. "She ran away."

"I'm calling the cops," you announce, quickly running back inside for your phone while Loki continues to scour the neighborhood.

Half an hour later, blue and red lights illuminate the streets as the police search every road in the neighborhood for the missing teenager – calling her name over and over through the loudspeakers and approaching neighbors' doors to ask if they know where the teenager is.

"Loki," you cry into the god's chest. "Where did she go?"

The God of Mischief gently rubs your back in an attempt to keep you calm. "I've no clue, my love," he says softly – his own terror starting to overwhelm him. "We'll find her."

As you stand with Loki, an officer slowly approaches the two of you – being cautious when he realizes that he's going to have to deal with the god that tried to take over New York years ago.

"Excuse me," the officer politely approaches you and Loki.

You desperately turn to the uniformed officer. "Where is she?! Did you find her?!" Loki places a hand on your shoulder and gives you a slight squeeze.

"No, ma'am," the officer solemnly admits. "We're looking all over the city."

"She can't be that far," Loki scoffs as you turn back around and hold him tightly.

The officer gives the two of you a quick smile. "We're doing everything we can possibly do. When we find her, you'll be contacted."

"What're we supposed to do?" you ask – desperation in your voice.

The cop takes a deep breath in – knowing that you aren't going to like his suggestion. "Stay home."

You scoff and cock your head at the officer. "I'm sorry...what?"

"If she comes home, she needs to know that she won't be alone," he explains.

"He's right," Loki backs up the police officer. "We'll stay here, and if she comes home by herself, we'll call."

The officer gives Loki a nod and shakes his hand. "Sounds good...and if we find her, you'll be contacted, and she'll be brought back home."

Finally, you understand the logic behind the actions and nod your head. "Thank you."

You turn away from the police officer and Loki to go back inside the house – trying to keep your tears under control.

"Here's my card," the officer offers to Loki, who immediately accepts. "Keep calling around – call her friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever...we'll find her, sir."

Jade's anger had taken over her – driving her away from the home she shares with you and Loki. Rather than admit she was wrong, she would rather tough it out on the streets of New York City – alone and cold. She knew there was no way they would even notice her being gone – they'd probably be relieved that she's out of their hair. As Jade walks down a sidewalk through a rough part of town, she feels her arm be grabbed and roughly yanked – forcing her down an alleyway. When she looks up, her eyes meet the crazy ones of some older man, and when she tries to get away and push him off, he only laughs and pins her closer to the brick wall, but when Jade spits in his face, she's met with a fist to her face.

"Was a purty lil thing like you doin' out here?" the man, clearly drunk, asks the teen as she tries to get her jaw to stop hurting.

"Kidnapping and murdering old creeps," Jade spits, refusing to show her fear.

The man didn't entertain her attitude, and he wobbly spread her knees apart with his own, and Jade's tough façade quickly disappeared when she felt his hands go to her jeans – unbuttoning the single button with a perverted grin on his face.

"Be a good girl, and I won' be long." The man's filthy, smelly hands roughly rub Jade's cheeks, and he moans at the sight of her tears. "Have you taken a big 'un before?"

"Is that really any of your business?" a heavenly voice calls out from a few feet away.

The man laughs and turns to whoever has interrupted his fun. "Come on, man," he sighs, "you can have your fun when I's done."

"I don't think you understand," the voice calls out again. "You're going to let go of my niece before I take you to her father."

Finally, the man lets Jade go, and Thor quickly catches her before she falls to the ground.

"Uncle Thor," she cries in his arms. "Please, I wanna go home...Please take me home...I want my dad."

Thor picks her up and carries her back towards the road. "It's okay, JJ," Thor soothes the terrified teenager. "We're going home."

When Thor finally gets the traumatized fourteen-year-old back home, you and Loki come running out of the house, and Jade immediately runs into your and Loki's arms.

"Oh my God," you breathe out, taking in the scent of your little girl. "Jade...,"

Jade cries uncontrollably, and Loki shoots his brother a nod. "I'm so sorry," she sobs. "I'll never do that again...I'm so sorry."

"You're okay," Loki calms her as he rubs her back. "You're home...you're home...you're safe now."

Loki pulls Jade closer to his chest and rests his cheek on the top of her head – looking to you with teary eyes. While Thor was bringing Jade back, he had called and told you and Loki what he had stumbled upon – making sure the two of you knew that Jade would be in an extremely vulnerable and shaken state. Thor completely expected Loki to hunt down the piece of trash that attempted to assault his daughter and murder him slowly; however, he couldn't help but beam with pride when the only words that came from his little brother's mouth were words of concern and relief, and instead of making it his mission to hunt down the rat, Loki was more concerned with having his little girl in his arms again – everything else would have to come second. Thor offers to take the twins and your son for the weekend – giving the two of you time to get Jade settled back down, but the last thing you and Loki want is to have any more of your children out of your sight, so Loki asks his brother to stay on the couch to help to tend to the younger ones. Happily, the God of Thunder agrees and makes himself at home once the three of you go back inside – Jade refusing to let go of her dad.

"Sissy!" Ivy squeals when she sees Jade come back into the house. Jade gives her a weak smile and clutches to Loki even more. "I colored this for you!"

Ivy hands a drawing over to Jade, and she carefully takes it. It's a drawing of Jade dressed as a princess with a sparkly pink dress and a tiara.

"Thank you, Ivy," Jade sniffs while looking at the photo. "I love it."

Emmy chuckles from the kitchen where they had been sitting. "I guess I was wrong, Ivy," she confesses and then turns to Jade. "I didn't think you would like it."

"Alright, enough," you intervene. "Uncle Thor is going to be staying for a couple of nights, so he's in charge, alright?"

"Dor," your two-year-old son giggles and points to his uncle.

Before you, Loki, and Jade head to a more private room, the two of you kiss the twins and son goodnight – making sure to tell them how much you love them and letting Thor know the important things to keep them under control. As the three of you head to your and Loki's bedroom, the house quiets down, and Jade throws herself on the bed – clutching a pillow to her face and screaming into it. With a wave of his hand, Loki has the three of you changed into comfortable sleep clothes, and the two of you quietly join your daughter on the bed – rubbing her back as she sobs and waiting for the other to say something.

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added!)

@radicallyred @holdmytesseract @vicmc624 @mm2305 @nms224 @clockblobber @lokifangirl2004 @missdforever

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: Breaking Point

Relationships: Caline Bustier & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Characters: Caline Bustier, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Alya Césaire, Max Kanté, Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Juleka Couffaine, Lila Rossi, Tikki

Tags: caline bustier salt, Reveal, Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste Knows, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Caline Bustier Knows, ml salt, Harassment, Lila Rossi Lies, Bad Classroom Environments, Gaslighting, enablers, Bullying ,Salt, Identity Reveal, Spitefic, Swearing, Adrien Sugar

Summary: '“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.' 

Note: This was written based on a prompt by @norakwami.

AO3 link

------

Marinette wasn’t really paying attention to Mme. Bustier’s lecture. To be fair, it was about career options and how to achieve them, something she had researched so completely she already had a list of universities she intended to apply to, along with possible companies to intern, all carefully tabbed in a binder at home that was also slowly filling with application and portfolio ideas.

Given that she was only fourteen and still had four more years before she reached the point of applying, she was ahead of the game. Perhaps she could be considering going to another lycée instead of the feeder for Collège Françoise Dupont, perhaps somewhere private that had a focus on fashion. But she didn’t want to put pressure on her parents, who would have to pay the tuition for such an institution, when she was already winning awards and making a name for herself through designing for Jagged Stone and the up-and-coming Kitty Section, among others.

“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Marinette felt frozen by that stare, pinned like a ladybug by an entomologist. How could she know? Did other people notice her stare?

“Ladybug is almost certainly harming her civilian future through these superhero antics, which prevent her from fulfilling all her obligations.”

Alya snorted. “That’s not Ladybug’s fault—it’s Hawkmoth’s. Ladybug protects the city. And maybe Paris should pay her for her services!”

“Ladybug is a teenager who should be concentrating on school,” Mme. Bustier declared, still staring holes into Marinette.

“Ladybug has never released her age,” Adrien murmured, his voice sounding strained. “So that’s conjecture, Mme. Bustier. How does this have to do with our future careers?”

To her horror, he turned and followed her gaze to Marinette.

She felt as though she might hyperventilate, panic rising in her gut. If she was compromised, that put her family and friends at risk, put the Miracle Box at risk, played right into Hawkmoth’s hands. She’d never been good at a poker face, and she wasn’t sure whether she was managing now.

Adrien’s eyes widened, and she knew she’d failed, at least with him. Kwami, she hoped she could trust him.

“I’m glad you asked, Adrien. For instance, Marinette, would you please share your current preparation for your future career.”

All eyes were on her, and she could feel the thoughts swirling around them as she was called out. She swallowed, trying to push it all down.

“I-I… I have a binder. At home. F-fifteen different universities with fashion p-programs. In order of where I want to go most. Also c-companies that offer internships.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves—it helped a bit. “I’ve started my portfolio, including the b-bowler hat that won M. Agreste’s contest, and my work for Jagged Stone and Kitty Section, and p-pictures of clothing I’ve designed and made.”

She could hear murmurs around her, and Alya gave a low whistle beside her.

“Girl, no wonder you don’t sleep. You’re on top of this!”

Mme. Bustier’s mouth became a thin line, her lips pressed together as though she was irritated.

Marinette wished keenly that Master Fu was still around, could handle this situation. She’d come to realize Mme. Bustier was a terrible teacher, enabling bullying and shaming victims as though they were at fault for their treatment. But this was a whole new level of awful.

“Still, the way you run off during Akuma attacks interrupts your daily life and prevents you from—”

“We all run away during Akuma attacks! They disrupt all our daily lives.”

Adrien stood, his back rigid from tension.

“Marinette has been personally targeted multiple times during Akuma attacks. So have I! A lot of this has been documented on the LadyBlog. It’s traumatizing—and we keep our memories of that because we’re not the Akuma. I run and hide, personally. Why would you shame Marinette for that?”

The class fell silent, and glancing around Marinette could see the tension in their faces, their own memories of being chased by Akuma.

Adrien had moved this away from the idea of Marinette being Ladybug to her being shamed for her reaction to Akumas. He was protecting her. And she loved him all the more for it.

“There was Evillustrator,” Marinette murmured, jumping on the red herring.

She glanced at Nathanaël apologetically. He offered a sad smile.

“I had to help Chat Noir with that. It was scary. André Glacier became Glaciator and came looking for me, and Chat Noir saved me from getting frozen. And Gamer was looking for me. Chat Noir saved me again.”

She could see Max wince across the aisle.

“Reflekta turned me into her clone because she was mad at me. And it was my fault.”

Marinette turned and mouthed ‘sorry’ to Juleka.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Juleka whispered, then cringed as she realized her voice had carried far enough for everyone to hear.

She smiled, then turned back to the front.

“My own grandmother tried to turn me into coal when she was Akumatized because she was upset I wasn’t like eight years old anymore—Chat Noir saved me again there, too. And then my dad was Akumatized and Chat Noir and Ladybug had to save me again.”

Marinette hadn’t been able to transform, needing to be saved as a civilian before she could get back as Ladybug. Too many of them had been so public she’d had to trust Chat Noir would be able to hold his own until she got there—and she did, but she was afraid sometime that would be fatal.

“And I saw footage when Adrien was dropped from a building and then when Volpina pretended to drop him from the Eiffel Tower. That’s terrifying!”

She didn’t turn around to look at Lila. Instead she looked at Adrien, who was still standing, alternating between glaring at Mme. Bustier and glancing back at her with concern in his eyes.

“And then there’s mind control Akumas, like with Miracle Queen. I’m scared of Akumas, Mme. Bustier. Even when they’re across the city, they won’t always stay there, and I want to hide. And I refuse to be ashamed of that!”

It wasn’t a lie, either. Civilian her absolutely wanted to hide—and did, just behind a mask.

She turned her attention to the teacher, keeping her back straight, remembering she had Adrien on her side, even if she wished he didn’t know—damn Bustier for that. Marinette steeled herself.

“I don’t understand why you’ve singled me out to try to imply I alone am somehow failing to perform because of Akumas, but you always seem to do this. I’m at fault for being bullied. I need to be an example and not react when my belongings are destroyed and my locker is broken into. Or when someone gets me expelled by somehow putting test answers in my bag and a new Gabriel-brand necklace—supposedly an heirloom—in my locker that’s been broken into before. I’ve spent the last year feeling I’m not allowed to have emotions. But this is the last straw.”

Marinette stood, picking up her bag. When she glanced down Tikki was giving her the Kwami version of a thumbs up.

“Frankly, Mme. Bustier, you have been toxic for my mental health for quite some time. Time I’ve spent researching to discover what you’re doing isn’t appropriate for the classroom; it’s abusive and reportable. If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to the M. Damocles, as well as my parents. And perhaps the Board of Governors, as I am no longer willing to tolerate this treatment and its continued harm to my education.”

With that, she marched down the stairs, past an open-mouthed Bustier, and out of the classroom, holding her head high.

Once in the open hallway, clear of the windows, she deflated.

“Well, fuck,” she whispered. “I guess I get to do research on a new collège, too.”

She supposed, at least, she’d been successful at diverting Bustier from the Ladybug accusations; the last thing she needed was for Ladybug-hater Lila to know and come after her.

“You and me both.”

Adrien’s voice behind her nearly made her jump out of her skin. She was relieved to see no one else had followed him. She could hear the hullaballoo of the classroom behind her, all control having been lost.

He quirked a grin. “We’re in it together, Bugaboo. As always.”

She stared, feeling like there was a hamster lolling on the wheel of her thoughts instead of running to turn it.

Adrien took her arm. “Come on. I’ll support you. Let’s go talk to M. Damocles.”

“Ch-Chat?” Marinette managed in a hiss as her brain finally caught up.

He gently guided her forward. “My Lady.”

She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh, cry, scream, or some combination of the three. But as they approached M. Damocles’ office, Marinette pushed the issue aside.

After all, she had work to do, and Ladybug didn’t leave work unfinished.

[keijikunn]

Fate’s work

Pairing: Iwaizumi Hajime x fem!reader (there’s a slightly platonic Oikawa x reader but anyway) Genre: a big mess of angst and fluffy and I don’t even know anymore Summary: you and Hajime have initiated a concluded two cycles of life together: elementary and middle school passed by in a breeze. Now, high school graduation was approaching faster than you wanted and a statement terrifies you: Iwaizumi Hajime will not start the college cycle beside you Word count: ~3.5k

Author’s note: well well well it’s me after a while to post something out of blue! Special thanks to @hidden-otaku-stuff​ @toorusushijima​

WARNING: none

If you enjoy it please leave a comment or a reblog!! 

The first time you saw Iwaizumi Hajime was when his best friend – and soon to be yours as well – had hit your face with a volleyball during a p.e class. Oikawa Tooru still thinks it was a funny incident, despite the fact he bawled his eyes out at the sight of blood coming from your nose. Iwa, being the responsible kid he has always been, called the teacher to help you out – while calm down his crying friend.

Later that day, after the club activities, the two boys searched you in every class of their grade so Oikawa could (quoting the exact same words Iwaizumi said) “to apologize to her because of your clumsy self, Idiotkawa”. They just found you by the gates, your face didn’t look swollen neither did your nose appeared to be in a weird position – which Tooru thanked the skies, he definitely wouldn’t be able to deal with the fact he broke someone else’s nose (not that it was possible given the fact he was 6).

“C’mon Oikawa, say it” Hajime demanded pushing the other boy towards you, catching your attention.

“Oh, you’re the boy who spiked on my face” you stated before cracking a teasing smile. “I thought it was cool, until you started to cry. I wondered if you felt my pain by the way you were screaming”

“Hey!” Tooru whined, which made you and Hajime laugh even harder. “I was worried and came here to apologize, but I take everything back”

“You haven’t even said anything, idiot” Iwaizumi snickered, eyeing you as you proceeded to laugh once again. For a young boy, hajime wondered why his chest felt so warm watching you smile with something he had said.

“It’s fine, Oikawa-kun, right?” your laughter died down a bit, a hand raising to your face and poking your nose lightly. “It hurt quite a lot- but it already passed! See? I can touch it without feeling pain. And the name is L/n Y/n, so if any of you try to kill me with a ball, you can apologize properly”

Oikawa kept complaining, as the years passed by, that you just joined their little group of friends because you and Iwaizumi bounded by bullying him. The other boy would snort at that comment and proceed to tease him, while you’d laugh at their interaction. Ever since Iwaizumi Hajime was 6 years old, he had found your laugh one of the best sounds he had ever heard. And up until today he still agrees with it.

On the next day, you found the two boys at the same spot they talked on the previous day. You could tell oikawa was whining at something iwaizumi said and couldn’t help but crack a smile. Indeed they were best friends, bickering to no end and still remain next to each other. Wow, I envy these two.

“Good morning L/n-san” Iwa greeted as you approached them with larger steps. “How’s your face?”

“Morning, you two” you answered back with a small wave, stopping in front of them. “And it’s fine, Iwaizumi-kun. It hurt a lot at that moment, but now it’s all good”

And together, the three of you walked side to side to their classroom – coming to realize you’ve been classmates before even knowing. You blended well between Oikawa’s somewhat difficult personality and Iwaizumi’s bluntness towards the other boy. In no time, the duo became a trio and that just made sense.

Just like the sudden ball on your face, the years passed by in a blink of an eye. When you noticed, the three of you were graduating elementary school and joining Kitagawa Daiichi. There, they’ve joined the volleyball club and you decided to follow them as well – becoming the manager (a position you would hold until the very end of high school). It was definitely a process of growth for you: Oikawa became more ambitious; Iwaizumi progressively became better and better at his position. And you grew as the responsibility to maintain energetic boys at bay demanded you. But, the most important, your feelings for none other than Iwaizumi Hajime flourished in your heart.

It was funny how cliché your very first love came out to be: falling in love with your best friend… you didn’t know what made you like Iwaizumi more than just friends. Could it be the way he’d always care for you, making sure you don’t get hurt? (he says he’s traumatized after your first encounter). Maybe the way he plays volleyball, with such passion and desire to progress in ability?

Perhaps it was everything and much more. But, on top of anything, what made you fall for Iwaizumi Hajime was because he was himself. The blunt, slightly violent towards Tooru – but just because he genuinely cares about him, the hardworking and loyal boy he has always been. It could be a silly childhood crush- heck, you didn’t even care if it was a one-time-thing, liking Hajime was easy. And it was the purest thing ever. 

In the deepest part of your brain, at some point while you were growing up, the possibility of parting ways with the two boys crossed your mind. How could you not think about that when they were so talented volleyball players at such a young age? If they applied to any powerhouse school the answer would be a big yes. 

That was the reason why you approached your best friends after practice, when everyone had already left the gym and only Oikawa was training his jump serves. Iwaizumi was on the side lines ready to stop the other boy- he claimed he could easily headbutt the brunet once again like he did previously. 

“Guys…” you called quietly, completely different from your usual self around them. Looking at them made your eyes swell with tears and the clear image of them using different uniforms from the best volleyball clubs in Miyagi prefecture had appeared on your mind. “Do you know which school you’ll attend next year?”

“Why the sudden question, Y/n-chan?” Tooru asked without looking at you, Hajime, on the other hand, noticed how you fiddle with the hem of your jacket. “We don’t have to think about it right now, we have some time”

“It’s important, Idiotkawa, Y/n has a point,” Iwaizumi retorted, taking the volleyball from his hands. “Unlike this dummy, I wasn’t accepted in many schools… though Aoba Johsai accepted me”

“Seijoh?! Really, Hajime?” the excitement didn’t pass unnoticed by them, even the hint of relief was hidden there. “Wow, congratulations!! And you, Tooru-chan? Did Shiratorizawa accept you?”

“I’m not going to the same school as Ushiwaka,” he huffed, crossing his arms, a pout forming on his face. “So I’m following Iwa-chan”

“As always, dumbass” his friend shot back with a teasing grin. It was enough for a bickering start between them, leaving you with your own thoughts. 

At the age of fourteen, you don’t have many worries about life. So, the thought of going to different schools as those two who you knew since you were six years old was terrifying. I’ll have three more years with them. You wouldn’t say goodbye to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Not yet, at least. 

“And you Y/n- hey, why are you crying?” Hajime shouted surprised, he stopped on his tracks - with hands stopping Tooru. You wiped your tears quickly with the sleeve of the track, to no avail since they kept falling, and smiled. “Oi, why are you smiling and crying?”

“I’m just… happy” it was true. You were not ready to say goodbye to your best friends, especially your first love. Because, for someone who didn’t have much worries in mind, that situation was the worst scenario. “I’m happy we have three more years together”

Unfortunately, three years were not enough for you. 1095 days were not enough to calm your heart that, despite any distance, friendships don’t end just because you don’t see each other every day. But the most important, three years were not enough for you and Hajime; not when being with him felt so right. 

His confession surprised you, especially on White’s Day during the first year at Aoba Johsai. After years giving him (and Tooru) chocolates, you would never expect Iwaizumi to give you a necklace while saying “I like you more than just friends, please go out with me”. All you did at that moment was laugh- and laugh hard. It was so Iwaizumi to confess like that, bluntly and straightforward; and you appreciated even more because you fell in love with him the way he was. 

“I can’t believe I’ll be the third wheel everytime we go out” Tooru whined after Iwaizumi and you told him about the new label the two of you would have. “Fortunately I have Makki and Mattsun to keep me company while you two get all lovey-dovey”

“Oikawa Tooru, I spent almost ten years of my life being the third wheel of you and Haji” that comment made them snort. “Do not complain about it because it’s most likely that you’ll have my boyfriend most of the time” 

“Lies! You’re our manager, the whole team will need to deal with you kissing Iwa-chan” Oikawa teased you and a part of you was getting annoyed, but the soft smile he gave you and your boyfriend told you otherwise. “Seriously, though, I’m so happy for you two”

Hajime squeezed your hand at his best friend’s comment, grinning down at you with a sparkle inside his eyes. You felt at peace: your feelings were mutuals, your best friend supported your new relationship and it was only the first year. Your state of bliss numbed your constant fear of changes, especially those brought by the end of cycles. 

And gosh, dating Iwaizumi Hajime was probably the best decision you’ve ever made in your teenage years. He still was the same boy as before, but gentle kisses, holding his hand and nights spent in each other’s embrace maximized all the already-perfect traits your boyfriend had. At the same time dating Iwa was new, it felt like you’ve been doing it for ages judging by how comfortable you were around each other. 

Falling in love with your best friend was probably the best decision you’ve ever made.

Every achievement felt a thousand times better when you could jump into Hajime’s arms, wrapping your legs around his waist as he spinned twice cheering loudly. There was no better way to celebrate a deserved win after a difficult match or a good grade on a difficult test.

“Haji, you did it!” those were the first words that would come out of your mouth after the referee signaled the end of the game and the boys cheered between themselves. The ace would always wear a big grin on his face as he catches you when you jump on him. “Oh my, I’m so proud of you and the boys” 

“How could I not make it when my personal cheerleader was giving her best on the side lines?” Iwaizumi teased kissing the corner of your mouth, your response was a light punch on his shoulder, but your eyes expressed all the love and proudness you were feeling. “Thank you for all your efforts as well, manager-chan”

“Hey, you two” Oikawa called off, interrupting the sweet moment between you and your boyfriend. “Keep PDA to minimal, we’re still on court. Iwa-chan, we have to bow to the stands, you can be all gross and touchy on the bus”

“Don’t give them ideas, Oikawa!” Makki complained kicking the setter, their antics made you laugh and tap on Hajime’s arms to put you down. “Don’t you dare do anything with us nearby, you perv”

“Of course not, dumbass” Iwaizumi barked, the tip of his ears burned in embarrassment. You watched your team thank the audience that supported them with a tiny smile on your face.

You’ve created beautiful memories in three years.

However, the same way all cycles have a beginning point, they also have their ends. And they were coming faster than you thought. You firstly noticed that after Aoba Johsai lost to Karasuno after a difficult match. 

It was the last chance to go to nationals with this team, in your last year at Seijoh, and the look on Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s faces shattered your heart. It was upsetting that you couldn’t do anything more than pat their backs and praise their efforts, because you knew it wouldn’t help ease the anger caused by a loss. The tears streaming down Hajime’s face showed the vulnerability you would only see at the comfort of your or his house.

“You guys did everything you could have done today” became a ritual for the team to listen to a speech from their managers, a straightforward and honest one before the coach treated them to a meal. “Remember this frustration to get better, okay? I’m proud of all of you”

Little by little all the club members started to head home, except the third years - including you - that went to the school’s gym. You were quick to understand the reason why you were there: because you would leave the club to focus on college exams. That meant another cycle was coming to an end, and you were not ready for that.

You weren’t ready to hear Oikawa thanking his teammates for the past years they’ve been playing together. You weren’t ready to see them fall apart in tears. You weren’t ready to hold Iwaizumi as he cried his heart out, sobbing hard on the crook of your neck as you smoothed your hand up and down his back. 

Just like you, they were not ready to say goodbye to all of these.

It felt like yesterday when you worried about which school you three would attend after Kitagawa Daiichi. The silly tears you shared in front of your best friends could not compare to the waterfall you’re shedding at the information Hajime just shared with you, during a late-night phone call.

“I made to a college in America” 

The air left your lungs and you swore if you were standing, your legs would definitely give in. Your chest tightened as your feelings divided in being extremely happy and proud of your boyfriend, and being… lost. To say you grew accustomed with Iwaizumi’s constant presence in your life was an understatement, after more than 10 years, you have never pictured your future that wouldn’t have him by your side. 

“That’s amazing, babe! Oh my god” you exhaled mesmerized. “I’m so happy for you! I knew you’d make it”

“I still can’t believe it” he answered quietly, the following silence deafened you and that made you worry. It had never disturbed you how quiet sometimes your calls could get, but today it felt different. “Y/n, what about us, though?”

“Haji…” more silence. The truth was that you didn’t know, neither did Iwaizumi. Throughout the unstable mess that life is you and Hajime were the constant variable, just like in Maths. No matter how things changed, how the scenarios shifted, you two were always there for each other. But now… the only steady thing in your life wouldn’t be there anymore right next to you. “We should… think about what we want, yeah?”

“You’re right” Iwaizumi breathed slowly, letting what you said settle down inside his head. “I love you, Y/n”

“I love you too, Hajime” and with that, the call ended, leaving you to drown in the sea of your thoughts.

Ever since you were a kid, changes scared you. No monster under your bed or inside your wardrobe could beat the terrible villain that walks side to side with the changes of life. Guess a few fears stick with us for good, you thought laughing humorlessly. 

It was a fact that Iwaizumi would never cheat on you, his loyalty was marvelous ever since he was six years old. And you knew for sure he would move mountains just to talk to you for a few minutes, like you’d do to him. Carrying a long-distance relationship with Hajime would be challenging, but no impossible, because he was him and you were you. And you loved each other so damn much. 

You spent weeks thinking about it every night - because during the days your thoughts were 100% focused on the boy standing right next to you. Time would eventually pass by and the moment he would leave Japan to start college in America would arrive, and you won’t be able to do anything to stop or delay it. So, after debating with yourself, you have made your final decision. 

Graduation was filled with joy and the inevitable tears shared in your group of friends. The fellow volleyball club members were there to congratulate the now former third years, wishing them luck for their future paths. Surprisingly or not, you managed to keep your tears at bay - maybe because you ran out of them on the last night after having a bounding time with Oikawa, Hajime, Matsukawa and Hanamaki. 

In a month or so, Oikawa would fly to Argentina to pursue his professional career as a volleyball player, Iwaizumi would have his brand new start in America, Makki and Mattsun would stay in Miyagi; and you would leave to start your new cycle. A cycle without Tooru and Hajime. 

“Hey” your boyfriend tugged lightly at your hand, motioning you to go to another place, a quieter one. You two walked in silence until you'd reached the stairs that led to the club room, sitting on the step next to each other. “It’s over”

“We graduated” both of you laughed, thinking about it three years ago felt so far away, like this future would never come. Yet, here you were, ready to face the world. “We had a great time here, even dealing with Tooru’s annoying ass will be a fond memory”

“I can’t believe we are all parting ways like this” Hajime admitted quietly, however his tone was filled with nostalgia. “I feel like it was yesterday that Shittykawa smacked your face with a volleyball”

“I think it’s the only occasion I’m glad I got hurt” you admitted lightly. “Because of that day, we could spend many more together”

The silence hugged you two nicely, you rested your head against Hajime’s shoulder as he hugged you by your sides. You wanted to save the feeling of being so close to him in your memory, in a place where it would never fade away even after years. His smell of cologne that was his mark filled your nose and you let yourself be intoxicated by it. 

“I guess it’s the end” he said in a whisper, rubbing your shoulders in circle motions. After thinking for many nights, the decision of breaking up with Iwaizumi felt right - although extremely painful. “Sometimes I regret choosing America”

“Don’t start with this bullshit again, Iwaizumi!” you scolded him, creating enough space between you so you could face him. “It’s your future, for god’s sake!”

“But I want you to be part of it” his eyes were a bit shiny, just like on the day you brought up the decision of ending the relationship. A stray tear rolled down his cheek and you quickly cupped his face to dry it with your thumb, the boy responding to your touch by leaning closer to your palm.

“Hajime, we’ve been best friends ever since forever, way before we fell in love with each other… I love you so much - and I’ll probably always do - but I can’t find peace within myself knowing that I’m holding you back. We will remain best friends for life, you are my first love and will always be… so, if there’s a red string tied up around our pinkies” you wrapped the said finger around his much larger one, a gentle smile appearing on your not wet cheeks. “Let fate bring us back together, whether as friends or lovers”

The boy leaned down to capture your lips, your mostly likely last kiss before splitting for good. You could taste the salty tears you two shed, but nothing could top the amazing sensation that was being so close to Hajime. Nothing could top the sensation of love and being loved by Iwaizumi Hajime. 

You feared changes, the numerous cycles scared you ever since you were a kid. But it was fine now, that you understood that it was necessary, though not permanent. If you and Iwaizumi Hajime were meant to be, fate will do its work to bring you back to where your heart belongs.

[seddm]

One Sentence Recaps - S2

Season 1 Here

My New Wand - Glossaryck uses Marco’s naked body to teach Star that love is the key to any door. Star proceeds to keep her love behind several doors for the rest of the season.

Ludo In The Wild - Ludo’s healing process begins when he lets go of his past life, but his old dealer won’t let him.

Mr. Candle Cares - Star gets emotionally manipulated into having an existential crisis; Marco’s appreciation for Star’s individuality redeems Tom, saves the day.

Red Belt - terrified by the idea of not moving forward as a person, Marco teams up with middle aged loser to gain a tangible symbol of growth; Star learns a lesson about struggling in the most stupid of ways.

Star On Wheels - Glossaryck’s roundabout lessons and total disregard for human life reinforces Star and Marco’s mutual trust and support; Oskar loses a car, finds a band member.

Fetch - after having been stalked by a homeless person, Star uses her personal experience to teach a dog that you can’t avoid responsibilities forever, but that support and relax are fundamental.

Star Vs Echo Creek - Star commits a felony, considers murder, and ultimately values being close to her loved ones more than freedom.

Wand To Wand - Star destroys the Diaz household and learns that emotions are the key to faulty magic, and Marco is the key to emotions; Ludo learns that masochism is the key to faulty magic.

Starstruck - when her childhood hero turns out to be a lunatic with a penchant for bloodlust and dictatorship, Star takes further steps toward being a different kind of ruler.

Camping Trip - River’s midlife crisis saves Star from being left along with Marco and her feelings for him; Marco’s overwhelming appreciation for Star leads to first degree burns.

Starsitting - while babysitting the litter Ludo kidnapped, Star and Marco come to a new understanding about the balanced dynamics in their relationship, while a board game laments how dense they are.

On The Job - ready for anything to feed his family, Buff Frog shows us the side of Mewni where heist plans, torture and burning alive are standard fare to get some food on your monstery table.

Goblin Dogs - the gang seeks the tastiest hallucinogens in the multiverse while Marco shows how bad he is at handling his finances.

By The Book - Ludo starts slowly descending into an abusive relationship; Glossaryck has to use the full extent of his omniscience to break through Star’s aversion for conventional learning methods.

Game of Flags - when Star tries to prove her maturity at a family event, it’s up to Marco’s wisdom to help her draw a line at murdering relatives and challenge tradition once again.

Girls’ Day Out - Star and Janna bond over their shared disregard for rules while Marco humiliates himself in front of loved ones and civil servants alike.

Sleepover - when the threat of disembowelments pushes Marco to have a moment of self insight and confess his crush, Star has to use the full depth of her own obliviousness to save her friends.

Gift of the Card - Star’s thoughtfulness and Marco’s indecisiveness result in impending death, but their obliviousness to the true desires of their hearts are stronger than capitalism and lizard assassins.

Friendenemies - through the power of friendship and boy bands Tom learns a lesson about not being a manipulative fiend, and bonds with Marco.

is Mystery - Buff Frog discovers what Ludo has been up to while Toffee uses him to further his plan to make Mewni free for monsters again, by enslaving monsters.

Hungry Larry - when browsing the internet leads to a while neighborhood being eaten alive, it’s up to Rafael to remind kids that there are things scarier than non-canon episodes.

Spider with a Top Hat - while Marco and Star try to make up for not having been fully digested during Halloween, her spells learn a lesson about believing in themselves, and about guns making all monsters equal.

Into the Wand - in his quest to find indirect ways to teach his student, Glossaryck helps Star learn something about her family’s past, almost lose her sense of self, and further delay her responsibilities and problems.

Pizza Thing - when Pony Head gets sucked into a vortex of disgustingly pure friendship, Marco uses the full force of his compulsiveness to make a second generation immigrant lose his job.

Page Turner - duty comes knocking while Star enjoys illegal readings, and it’s up to Glossaryck to resist the plot advancing; Moon finds new understanding and respect for her daughter when a man with no pants scolds her.

Naysaya - due to Tom mistakenly believing Star and Marco not to be that dense, Star has to remind Marco not to let obstacles prevent him from achieving his dreams, so he humiliates himself in front of the school as a whole and scores a date.

Bonbon The Birthday Clown - Star runs dangerously close to having to look at her own feelings when Marco is buys being all handsome with Jackie. Just when accidental stalking pushes her close to the edge, Ludo saves the day by distracting her with something else to be sad about.

Raid the Cave - Star’s attempts at making up for fourteen years of recklessness in a single day leads to assaulting innocents, awkward parental conversations, genuine moments of effort.

Trickstar - slightly traumatized by her recent losses, Star ruins a birthday party while battling the idea that sadness might be an unavoidable part of life.

Baby - faced with her hardest trial to date, Star gets belittled by a bulimic cat until, supported by Marco and his catering service, she proves one can be proficient even without fitting the mold.

Running with Scissors - when he has to make up for the consequences of a lazy day, Marco gets roped into a lifetime of adventures and paper thin fulfillment, until he gets reminded that lack of responsibilities and duties come with a lack of Star.

Mathmagic - Star finds the strength to try doing something she doesn’t like when reality as a whole starts unraveling and a mystical entity of order urges her to learn some math.

The Bounce Lounge - Star projects her fears for the future on a club. Marco gets weirdly prophetic while enjoying being outside his comfort zone.

Crystal Clear - Star gets kidnapped by Glossaryck’s worst child when he misses the source of Toffee’s corruption by a dimension; they bond over being underestimated.

The Hard Way - Ludo has a second chance at happiness when he gets clear, achievable goals of self improvement and guidance, but Toffee isn’t going to have any of that.

Heinous - Marco finds renewed appreciation in the values of individuality Star taught him when an old lady who has lost everything forces the Diaz family to strengthen their relationships.

All Belts Are Off - Marco learns that real validation comes from inside, and not from others, especially not from sad loners who should never be trusted with educating kids.

Collateral Damage - Star realizes she’s the sanest person in school while learning a lesson about accepting your past mistakes and grow up by moving forward; meanwhile Marco hides to protect his mental health.

Just Friends - Star regrets her skills as a wingman when the sounds of kissing distracts her from a concert; regret over missed chances destroy both a billboard and Star’s denial.

Face the Music - her relationship with Marco and the kingdom’s political balance get jeopardized when Star tries to put a personal spin on tradition; Ludo’s traumas and mental issues get a face.

Starcrushed - Star’s friends and fears try their best to relapse her into running from problems, but Oskar, Toffee and two seasons worth of development help her acknowledge duties and feelings alike; Mewni’s best get wiped out by a bird with mental health issues and a dead lawyer. Marco fears change.

[joemerl]

OC-Tober 2021, Day 5: "Throne"

OC/WIP: Tristan and friends from "Old Fantasy Novel Series That I Haven't Gotten Around to Renaming Yet"

Strap in, because I'm about to bare the stupidity of my teenage years.

So, around age fourteen, I started working on a series of fantasy novels. (Heck, I even wrote them out! Then tried to rewrite them, rework them, etc.) It was about a kid named Tristan, who lives with an abusive foster family and knows nothing of his birth parents. He's sucked into a magical world that's currently in a state of civil war, ever since the king's evil brother killed him, his wife and infant son. The weird magical medallion that Tristan has always had turns out to be a magical relic of this royal family, and will occasionally do Deus Ex Machina things, even though nobody except the true King of Fantasy Land should be able to use it. He also discovers and is able to use the royal family's magical sword, which is also supposed to be unusable to anyone but the true king.

Now...hold on, you're not gonna believe it...it turns out that Tristan is actually that infant prince who everyone thought was dead! Yeah, I know! Who could have seen that coming? Obviously nobody, until it was dramatically revealed at the end of the sixth book. I did plant some subtle clues though, like Tristan looking exactly like the dead king's portrait.

You can perhaps understand why, upon reaching adulthood, I decided to pursue other projects and put this one on indefinite hiatus.

But these characters still live rent-free in my brain, and every so often I think of how I might revive this into something not only readable, but maybe even decent and not the most obvious trash heap of clichés ever. So here's a brief summary of Tristan and his group of companions and vague ideas of what they'd be like in the revised version.

MAIN CHARACTERS

Tristan: The old Tristan was your "vaguely geeky and unpopular, mostly generic kid" sort of character; since he was supposed to eventually become a king, I did try to make him a good leader of his little group, mostly in the sense of being the diplomatic one when they fought. In the new version I want to both up his geekiness but also his charm, so we see that he's really popular at school and has a lot of friends.

One change that I think could be interesting is that Tristan also came to our world when he was a toddler rather than an infant; as such, he actually remembers the murder of his birth family, if only in vague and terrifying terms. Nobody knows his origin, but he's been in therapy long enough to believe that the "monsters" he remembers were surely ho-hum human murderers distorted by trauma, and anything that sounds like a castle or magic are also probably imaginary. He really, really would prefer to believe that, but the plot isn't going to let him.

When he finally winds up in Fantasy World The Name of Which I Need to Change, he is decidedly not going to want to take the throne. Whether or not he does anyway is undecided at this point.

Erasmus: Tristan's foster/adoptive brother (biological cousin in the old version), of approximately the same age. Timid and shy, he's both very close to Tristan and maybe a bit resentful at how much more outgoing and popular he is. There's a bit of irony there: Tristan comes off as happy and well-adjusted to most people, but "Raz" knows that Tristan also has a mysterious, traumatic past, which also means that Tristan can be at least a little vulnerable around him.

I think he's an albino, for reasons that relate the old version but I don't even want to get into right now. And hey, disability rep.

E(d)ric: In the new version he's probably, like...a football player or something? He's supposed to be a big guy and the best "normal" fighter. He's reserved and grouchy but extremely loyal to people he cares about. Reading this over, I feel like I need something to make him more interesting.

Cynthia: Hmm...in the old version she was a witch, but since I'm reimagining all of the main characters as being from our world, I'm not sure how that would carry over. Maybe she gains/has magic in the fantasy world for some reason? She's tough, sarcastic and smart. Erasmus has a crush on her. I swear she wasn't the only female character in the old version, but apparently she was the only one important enough for me to list here.

Pythian the magical snake, Bast(et?) the cat, That Baby Hippogriff Whose Name I Don't Even Remember: There were way too many team pets in the old version.

OTHERS

The Guide: Merlin knockoff. Actually, I think in my earliest draft he was Merlin, somehow, and I don't even know how fourteen-year-old me justified that. He may have been the one who sent Tristan to our world, but then stayed in Fantasy World to help fight the villains. Maybe he's more involved here? Hmm.

Jay: He was Tristan's younger foster brother in the old version (so his and Erasmus' here?), who witnessed him getting sucked into Fantasy World and wanted to figure out what the frick happened to him. I think that concept is interesting, but I'm not sure where it goes, exactly.

Connor: E(d)ric's younger brother. Looking back, pretty much everything I had planned for him in the old version was stupid or would work better for other characters. Not sure what to do with you, Connor. Maybe he's Jay's friend.

[drake-the-incubus]

Post Note: This is long and I’m sorry.

I want to expand on what I mean but not use that post to do so.

Believe it or not, “x is a sign of y” isn’t as harmful as everyone is screaming about.

For example, my knees. I intermittently use a cane. Recently I haven’t had to use it- or I’ve forgotten it- but I have had days where I needed it.

I’ve had bad knee pain for a long ass time. Issues with pain in my legs in general.

But a lot of the time it would be a dull throb and I was fairly active as a kid and teen.

I also have a joint cracking problem. And I don’t mean I’m purposefully cracking my joints- though I do- I mean I’ve earned the nickname, “snap, crackle and pop” and “rice krispies”.

And my mom, when I was 12, went in for osteoarthritis and after years of pain finally found out she had a degenerating back that caused her back to create shards and she had a pinched cyatic nerve.

Forgive me as I’ve never seen this written down.

I’ve also had a problem with being incredibly sick as a child. Bronchitis to Bronchial Pneumonia almost yearly, and a couple of gland infections.

Do you know what mom tells me and I do?

Warning signs. Very common and not at all unusual warning signs.

I’m at risk for arthritis. In fact mom and I are both certain if it’s not there in my knees it’ll develop at some point.

In fact, earlier this year, I had back pain. God awful back pain. It ran down one leg at some point.

So I asked my mom because these were the symptoms for her issues. She told me to immediately see a doctor.

To most, that’s an overreaction. But it’s not.

I’ll round back to my sickly childhood.

I have a devil of a cough, I’ll hack up a lung if I have a fit. In fact if I’m ill I have the chance to seriously damage my throat- Halls my saviour.

I’ve had colds turn into serious medical issues because they don’t go away on their own, and what was considered a cold turned out to be an infection.

So now I’m hyper vigilant. A cold that last three days with medicine, I go to the doctor. If it’s just a cold, I’ll refuse their medicine, if it’s bronchitis, I’ve caught it early and now can avoid an emergency room visit.

Because of this sickly thing I’ve had for over two decades of my life- since I was an infant/toddler- I now have to tell people I live with, “hey if I’m sick too long tell me I’ll need to see a hospital”.

COVID came around and I literally got messages from multiple people worried I was going to die if I caught it, and I’m going to say, I’m terrified. I’ve been in the hospital multiple times due to illness, days away from being hospitalized.

The virus fucking terrified me. I’ve had more than ten scares of having it, with no idea what I should do, so I treated myself with care, waited for day three, when it didn’t come I was relieved.

I’ve nearly died twice to an allergic reaction, to this day, I’m deathly allergic to two things and I don’t know what they are.

I’m also allergic- but not even close to severe- to other things I can shrug off.

I’ve also had a negative general allergy test. It’s where I found out my blood type.

But I’ve had my throat slowly close up as I took a specific anti depressant. I didn’t notice until my tongue had started swelling in my mouth, that I had more itchy skin than usual and I was having breathing issues. I got told I was a few days out from actual death.

For mental health. I have very weird applications of symptoms.

I can tell if someone is angry or not, I can have genuine conversations with someone and notice minute details.

I’m also traumatized and was forced into recognizing emotions.

But I don’t know when to stop a conversation. I don’t know when to interpret someone’s polite way of ending something. I don’t know the social etiquette to not embarrass people. I can be sociable, but I hate people and I never seek them out myself.

I’m not the model someone looks to for an AFAB with autism.

My trans status really pushed the diagnosis.

But I do have the symptoms, they’re just not presenting in ways that make people scream autism- more like scream freak.

And as a teen I never knew I had it. But I found people who related to me outside of a psychological textbook who explained my issues and gave tips that worked for once.

I was Fourteen before it clicked in my parents were abusing me. That it wasn’t normal to stop and listen to make sure those were their footsteps. If they were coming to my room. How heavy? Is that anger?

I’d explain normal life things and get people telling me it wasn’t normal and I needed to be away from it. That the behaviour was terrifying.

That if my parents were threatening to beat me black and blue, I should be trying to get out.

Trauma causes memory issues? How would I know that as a teen going to the police and not being able to say anything other than, “they threaten me when I brush my teeth”.

A terrified seventeen year old, describing how they were punished and the police couldn’t take them seriously, as they sobbed and begged to not go back.

In a week I had to return because there was no where else to go.

I couldn’t tell the police office my parents threatened my life that night.

I couldn’t remember why I was convinced by my friends online to run away.

My teachers got mad: “Did you think of your grades, you’re graduating this year”

Not even thinking about how I was suffering so much I got sent to the councillor- and then dumped- multiple times for suicidal ideation and the absolute terror I had in ever speaking of my issues.

It took meeting someone who was traumatized to learn I had panic attacks.

“Go take Your medication they give you for anxiety, you’re having a panic attack”

I’ve had them since I was a child and it took frantically talking in a chat room to figure it out.

I got half my diagnoses from the people around me before medically getting them. And that’s not a joke.

I had abnormally painful periods for my entire childhood, and it took a friend telling me it was probably bad I needed my mom’s painkillers for her back sometimes to even exist.

And do you know what, extremely painful periods is a sign for something really bad. And about 1/3 of afabs have that experience.

It’s considered normal. And yet it can lead to a deadly disease if you’re not careful.

A painful boob can be breast cancer.

A cough and fever could be COVID.

People relatively will explain their experiences in a way that people see is normal.

Making it Hard to actually convey how these experiences are normal for US but they’re not normal.

“Haha I Just found out reading a lot as a kid was a sign of PTSD” isn’t someone taking the piss abt PTSD, it’s a common experience due to escape fantasies. I know a lot of people, most who hate reading now, that explained how they’d read for hours as a child to get out of life, sometimes pretending to be something better.

And so in good conscience, I can’t say that post is great.

TDLR; The post that insinuates “x is a sign of y” comes off as ableist, as my lived experiences I know where this comes from.

Sometimes minor things can be a sign of something major and ignoring it doesn’t help.

Physical and Mental health are hard to convey, and most of the time someone doesn’t have the language or forethought to in depth describe their experiences.