#my friend approves though
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When you're still in love with him after a year<<<
he literally liked me back??? I fumbled so bad
If I still like him before I go to college, I'll tell him :p
#very gay#gay#so gay#help#like its bad#so incredibly gay#also trans#trans gay#tansgender#love#love?#like#who know#I had to pull out linger#its bad#made a whole ass playlist#going through the 5 stages of grief in tags#my friend approves though#I like him so much its bad#fhieosbfesl#ok bye now
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Speaking of ur megop playlist (10/10 weeping about them as always) have u considered Mr Loverman by Ricky Montgomery????
ouhg mr loverman is an oldie goodie to me,, tbh its had such a consistent presence in the music ive listened to over the past few years that i completely skipped over ever considering it for megop dynamic fjdjfj
#asks#ghdhfh i remember a friend suggesting line without a hook back in grade 10 and then i just kinda went wwoohh#like wdym this is not exclusively the theme song for my old ocs#i think it more or less fits the vibes though..approved
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the real simon dinnerinamerica in the flesh
#shoutout to my friend charlie for taking these 🔥#received the kyle gallner seal of approval and everything#simon dia#dinner in america#can't wait to shave off this fuckass haircut though lmfao
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something went up on Patreon 🍑
#It's your griddlehark request carpet-munchies-anon!#yes that's what I'm calling you#you are very right though that Gideon doesn't just eat pussy - she EATS pussy#so here you go#It's a more comical piece but it's got the 'naughty' approval from my friend Dora#so I'd say it's a win!#Dont' worry I'll respond with a censored version to your ask directly in some time - just showing that it's done now!#(It's actually only Harrow being censored...)#Ok I really like how it came out#I had a lot of fun testing out fluids#patreon sneak peak
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Reflecting by the nature! by polish artist Celina Dominikowska (1853)
#was going through her art and this one specifically spoke to me#her pretty clothes….. the shape of the bench….. the small dog…. the flowers and the trees in the back….#also the…ships? by the background#it’s quite hard to tell#well either way amazing painting williamkisser approved#also the man’s pants are so cool i actually have very similiar ones….they’re my favourite#the pockets are small as hell though😔#polish art#poland#polska#im not sure where this drawing came from but she owned a visual diary where she drew herself her friends family and places and its amazing#celina modrzejewska#polish artist#1800s#19th century#1853#vintage art#vintage poland#nature#art
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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white man experiences racism for the first time. sad!
#Every time I instinctively select Astarion to lead the party and try to talk to someone and they say I smell like shit and to fuck off#im kinda like. good. put him in his place. this is lae'zel's turf#bg3#aslo when he stands directly in the sunlight he hurts my eyes ALDKJSLGK#Also I have a mod that removes the girls' makeup so that's why my kar and lae look prettier than your games' does#ugh I cowered away from wyll art and sc with horns for so long because i thought it was act iii spoilers#but it turns out it's a good thing that happens five minutes in that usually everyone does because it's good#and I'm the only person on earth who fucked up and lost karlach bc I saved a child from being murdered in cold blood#which started a battle in the grove#so to be in character i had wyll kill karlach because i couldn't recruit her but i found her head in a chest and can't play that save anymo#after starting this second playthrough as astarion and becoming friends with karlach#and how she is so kind and loving and affectionate even though she feels no approval towards astarion#literally the other two are high approval but karlach is stuck firmly at neutral or fair#but she still talks to me like a friend and that makes me cry and i killed her in cold blood before i even knew her and i didn't mean to#sorry i hope i get meds that makes me care about humans as much as i care about characters :(
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lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters
#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten*#i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead#what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that#i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate#truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do.#their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3#i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever.#gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan#one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ??????????#live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that?#without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ??#without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive?#without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies#without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?#without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years?#without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn#WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS???????????#at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always#like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE#i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was...#Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about
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Bro I finally picked her up. I have my practice injection on Tuesday morning and I should have my needles and syringes coming in by the end of the week
I thought this was going to be so much more difficult. If anyone wants to start hrt or transitioning or gender-affirming care and you live in a safe state and have decent insurance it’s really not that hard. It’s not that expensive either (at least with insurance) please don’t wait and put off your happiness like me, do a little research and get started.
I haven’t even started hormones yet, but my depression and anxiety have already lowered considerably and my self-confidence has shot up.
Please please please do this for yourself if you are able to 💚💚💚
#haven’t even started yet but I feel a world of difference#trans#transgender#transexual#tranmasc#I also haven’t even come out to my family yet bc I come from a very catholic family#but I decided I’m doing this for myself and they don’t need to be involved and they don’t need to approve or disprove of my decisions#eventually they will know bc I live at home and I don’t plan on hiding the changes I’m looking forward to#but it feels so nice to just have this to myself and the friends that love me#I can worry about coming out and explaining things to my family when that comes#for now this is for me#this joy is for me and the people I love and trust to share it with#idk bro I just feel genuinely happy and excited and hopeful#also been looking more into top surgery and it doesn’t seem as impossible as it once did#even though I live at home. don’t have any type of steady income. and am disabled. it all just feels possible now#truly did not think these thing would be possible for me. or at least not for very far in the future#I don’t think I realized how deeply harmful not receiving gender affirming care was to me#truly feel so much lighter#I’m just rambling now#but I don’t quite know where else to put these thoughts#I’m just fucking happy and hopeful and it doesn’t feel like that’s gonna be taken away from me#me posting
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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Second interview done 😄 hopefully I get to the technical interview next! Fingers crossed for me! I'll hopefully have a better schedule so I can be here more!
#ooc : the mortal#irl tw#the hr manager seemed pretty happy with what i provided so far! it was super casual and fun#truly felt like i was catching up with a friend. super great vibes#if i get approved for the next stage then i really hope I'll be able to pass the technical part#but so far it sounds like it's up my alley in the skills department... should be fine 👍#I'm yapping cuz I'm excited#tbd#got monday free but I'll see if I can squeeze anything Saturday and Sunday morning#many apologies for not being here much. it is very tough to thrive atm#definitely easier than the previous months though but still tough
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Not me sitting there with my Eddie blanket around my shoulders while writing Steve smut...
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Romancing iron bull in dragon age inquisition AND NO ONE TOLD ME HE JUST SAYS THAT
#randomly in my room on my bed “so you want to ride the bull”#WHAT#screaming crying throwing up i literally had to pause the game for 10 mins this is crazy#though when he pinned my characters arms over his head that was... haha ha haha... I'm normal#also Cassandra thought we were gonna be a thing??? i don't remember ever encouraging her i felt so bad#also sidenote but what's up with solas#I've been getting Hella approval from him and he was like proper bitchy to me earlier??? girl i thought we were friends#he did apologise but like. is he just pretending to be nice and doesn't actually like me. solas nooooo#also no direct spoilers pleeeaasseee#dragon age inquisition
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Re-tag drop: Yelan
#tag drop#[ yelan. ] i can't change the facts. but if it's a choice between the cold; hard truth and blissful unawareness: i'll take the former.#[ yelan: ic. ] that's a worst-case scenario. but all too often; the most pessimistic speculation turns out to be the closest to the truth.#[ yelan: inquiries. ] oh? you'd like to know more about me? what will you give in exchange then?#[ yelan: countenance. ] an old friend of mine once privately commented to me that ] yelan “is always smiling; but never with her eyes.”#[ yelan: introspection. ] like a phantom she appears in various guises at the center of events; and disappears before the storm stops.#[ yelan: wishes. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years.#[ yelan: etc. ] every round of finger-guessing is a tiny adventure; and every roll of dice sends sporadic thrills down her spine.#[ yelan: liyue. ] liyue will never plunge into disaster without clue of the danger like it once did. she will see that it is not unprepared#[ yelan: home. ] i'm guessing you've fallen for the rumors about me being very wealthy; having high demands for my standards of living?#[ yelan: yanshang. ] the teahouse has really brightened up after the boss took over and kicked the fatui and gamblers out.#[ yelan: lantern rite. ] every year on this day; the lanterns light up the night. may the fire never die and may humanity endure.#[ yelan: chasm. ] perhaps she will plunge into that darkness one day; and the ill fate that once befell her ancestors shall find her too.#[ yelan: scope. ] i serve ningguang. the tianquan of the qixing. the scope of my work includes some of liyue's biggest secrets.#[ yelan: weaponry. ] water. divided it is as streams uncounted: close yet untangled. united it is as a giant wave: inexorable; unstoppable.#[ yelan: wriothesley. ] don't fight over fleeting gains or losses. focus on where your heart is leading you and move forward. [ delusionaid#[ yelan: uncle tian. ] there's nothing wrong with wanting to win other people's respect. but when has uncle tian looked down on anyone?#[ yelan: ningguang. ] we both made a mistake: we shouldn't have involved ordinary folk in what we do. / ordinary folk?#[ yelan: xiao. ] you think you're oh-so cold and ruthless. i'm not buying it. - losing one of us so the rest can escape? some victory that#[ yelan: keqing. ] if something happens that they didn't anticipate; it throws their plans into oblivion. but the yuheng is different.#[ yelan: ganyu. ] i could never work non-stop like she does. certainly not at that level of efficiency. i guess being half-adeptus has its#[ yelan: yanfei. ] when i help her out; i always get some invaluable leads in return. gotta say though: i think she respects me a little mu#[ yelan: traveler. ] you don't have to be on guard around me. i never scheme against people who have my stamp of approval.#[ yelan: v. youth. ] you're still young. be patient. believe in yourself; and don't look outside yourself to prove your value.#[ yelan: v. pre-qixing. ] i don't do these things to help the powerful or mighty get rid of dissident forces. but because water too has a s#[ yelan: v. qixing. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.#[ yelan: meta. ] the chances are if i open this door; there can be no witnesses left alive. is that a sufficient reason for you?
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I am so fucking miserable
#i cant keep living like this#i want to sh so bad rn#dying would solve all my problems#the problem is my top and probably most lethal method could result in like lost limbs if i fail#the more and more desperate i get though the less i care because i just need it to work#i can't do that to my family tho. they would be sad.#im such a burden on them tho#my depression is getting so bad that i can barely even function#i often feel the need to like escape whatever situation im in#it feels like the only way to stop feeling so miserable is to die#i can't take this anymore#43 days self-harm free but i could really use the distraction and the pain right now#ugh maybe my therapist was right when she mentioned going back to the hospital#at least then i wouldn't be expected to do all these things and act normal#i feel like i need to get through this weekend and then if im still feeling this way and insurance hasnt approved the ketamine#then i should consider hospital#but i have to go to philly for my twin sister's graduation. i am so happy for her and all but it's just going to be really hard#with how I've been feeling lately in addition to how graduation just reminds me of all my failures#i was supposed to graduate last weekend. my sister and i were supposed to graduate at the same time#all my friends are graduating too#and im as depressed and hopeless as ever#i dont know what to do#im going to ruin everything if i go but my sister will be upset if im not there#i just dont think i can handle being in philadelphia all weekend
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very funny watching people have to deal with rejecting gale over and over again because he cant take a hint. cant relate but its still funny.
#is gale like. the only companion that you can re-initiate his romance route with like multiple times?#bc my approval with other characters is pretty high but#none of them have given any indication that thats still an option if i rejected them even once?#im p sure you get locked out of astarion and lae'zel if you do not fuck them as soon as they ask but i could be wrong.#the only companion who has NEVER come on to me is shadowheart for some reason#she does tell me that im her best friend and i have fundamentally changed her as a person though idk maybe thats just how goth girls flirt#bg3
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