#my first year being like an active in the fandom is over | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

archivalofsins · 2 days ago

Note

Hiya! I've been really enjoying your posts for the last year. I would spend my mornings or afternoons' reading over so much of what you've written, though I don't like stuff cause I was worried it would be too spammy. I love sm the different perspectives on Prisoners I've seen through your work, love how you look at Yuno's and Fuuta's crimes, your stuff with Kazui and how you've approached (my fav) Mahiru's crime. Also more general, dissociation gang, looking at the split of prisoners (oh no accident vs active killing) I'm baffled at how little notes you have on some of your posts when I've found them very insightful. Also love how you colour-code text, very neat and makes long posts easier to read! Before encountering your blog I just kind of looked at youtube comments for help understanding the prisoners' crimes, but your analyses are so much more concise and interesting.

apologies if this is weird, thank you sm for all you do!

Firstly, I’d like to say thank you! It makes me happier than anyone could ever know to be told in such detail how much you’ve enjoyed my work and for how long. I especially appreciate the detail you’ve gone into. I love hearing the points that people like about my work and it’s kind of a walk down memory lane to read in a way.

That's why I want to take this time to I also wanted to highlight some of the other people that have added so much of their own time and personal flair to the Milgram community on Tumblr!

7-4-N

Not a creature, not a specimen, not a being. Do not refer to this existence at all but if you really must Tsumi or 74 can work well enough. Just know your social constructs won’t stick. This being doesn’t adhere to such things. After all happy or sad why decide. One of many fans of Yuno Kashiki. This blogger puts on full display the many social boxes society creates and tries fit the prisoners into. Sometimes even the ones the prisoners try to fit themselves into as well.

Characterization analysis and art mix together to create a truly unique experience-

Theory on what Amane's cult is based on

I wrote something on the post itself but this was really good! I enjoyed reading it a lot for personal reasons. It presents the religions in a very nuanced and unbiased way without sugarcoating anything. Ultimately a very nice collaborative effort that gives a lot to chew on.

Yuno is a "side/supporting character" post

Tsumi also in charge of their very own Milgram- Tsumigram remember what Jackalope said,

"Don't go messing up my (or other people's) Milgrams!"

Tsumi sometimes translates analysis into other languages and has hosted some really fun fandom events. 74 has always tried to create an environment where everyone is able to feel comfortable and have fun together. In a way it’s no surprise Tsumigram is the way it is.

It's focus on communication and the connections between people. Showcase 74’s willingness to put forth the effort to understand others. Even when things are going smoothly. As well of the fear and vulnerability that can be created through knowing and being known by someone else. As well as the worry of what one knows about someone becoming obsolete due to that person changing and growing as all people do.

Tsumi understands the problems that can come about when communicating. How one can try their best and still end up being scorned, ridiculed, misunderstood, or misinterpreted. Recognizing those sorts of things are just as much a part of life can give one the freedom to try simply for the sake of trying. Not because it will led to a positive outcome.

Sometimes we can't please everyone. People will butt heads. That’s natural. None of us can avoid doing things we can't take back, things others may never be able to forgive us for, or understand. Even so that doesn’t change what we as individuals are capable of. Tsumi showed that all it took for fun things to happen was taking that first step and asking if anyone would like to do something together.

Because if no one ever asks then no one can get an answer. It’s difficult to put oneself out their in such a way to so many people. It could go wrong and when things go wrong as they so often are inclined to- One may feel like they should stop putting themselves out there all together. That closing off is a good answer. I know I’ve felt that way. That I’ve backed down, secluded myself, and hid away my opinions while avoiding stressors.

It's easy to just say get back on the horse and keep trying. Yet the truth is time to oneself is important and can be productive. It can give us the time we need to process the experiences we’ve had recently and collect our thoughts. Then when one is ready they can come back far better than they left. It’s important to take caution and not worry about bringing to best of ourselves in everything we do.

Because this idea that we have to meet everyone at our very best can be isolating and tiresome. Sometimes even though it may be hard to believe just showing up is enough. Just a small greeting is enough, to some what we may do that we view as trivial could be everything to someone else. Tsumi shows me through persistence and compassion that even the tiniest gestures can be cause for celebration.

That things don’t have be grand to matter. No one has to overheat to feel love or freeze to feel loneliness. That both those things make up warmth. That said warmth can be comforting and disgusting all at once. Through Tsumi's presence I’ve gotten to learn the value of multitudes again. Instead of just being interested in the same old thing.

Which I greatly appreciate and believe many others could too.

amugoffandoms

With a mug full of passion and the drive to see what they start through this fandom regular probably needs little introduction. Yet, for those who don’t know I’ll give it my best shot. Stating she’s the number one Yuno fan would be an understatement. I’d need a new title entirely to explain her earnest and affection towards one of the most drastically overlooked and prone to oversimplification within this series.

Man, Mug and Tsumi both have it tough- Having a fave that’s critically underrated that’s looked at as an easy open and shut case. Even still Mug through their art, writing, and ever-present enthusiasm manages to highlight the subtleties of Yuno’s characterization.

Love Bullet Yuno, Tear Drop redraw, Rookie Yuno

The use of childhood games/questions in Yuno's songs

Yuno looking unusually cold on her second trial cd cover

Mortuus ES, Ergo Ego Mortuus Sum, Fell and Found Out

Outside of taking an interest in all things Yuno- Mug draws, does analysis, and writes fanfiction.

Cyberpunk Dead Boy Fuuta

The Machiavellian concept and how it can apply to Milgram

Ace of Spades and how it foreshadows Hinako's fate

Sing Your Sins!, Press Rewind

They’re even the host of her very own milgram Mugram. Admittedly all of the kids there are troublemakers. A rather eccentric bunch but none of them seem to have done much particularly bad. A lot of what they do seems to be related to their work or how they make a living in general (if they can’t call it work).

Though those could just be the characters I decided to focus on. I do find that pattern interesting though. Fan Milgrams are really good at homing in on specific societal issues. Their writing has a good grasp of imagery. Usually setting up scenes in a way that makes in a way that makes it easier for readers to visualize. When it comes to her art their expression work has great emotional depth conveying feelings in a direct manner.

coffee-without-anesthetics

No painkillers and all energy! Itha has been around in the community for what feels like before I was here, but I’m actually its senior by a year maybe I’ve been here too long… Let’s not dwell on that! I don’t remember a time when it wasn’t here or exactly when it showed up. Giving it this very ageless entity feel that is honestly goals. Sometimes I just want to phase into existence and out too!

Still just because not many were there to witness its first light doesn’t mean this star burns any less! Its a regular within the fandom that needs very little introduction at this point. If it isn’t talking about Lies of P it can be found just actually blogging generally- Seeing anything come across my dash with that familiar Es icon is a breath of fresh air for me.

Now hold on you didn’t think that was all-

It does translations and art! Translating fanfics from English to Polish or French with the creator’s permission. Well, if you ever feel like translating any of my Milgram ones you’ve got my permission for that. Though… that would quite an undertaking considering how much I write, hm. Ah- This isn’t about that right now… Sorry. Its also into Arcane, House MD, The Magnus Archives, Mathematics- and Linguistics & Music.

Here’s hoping Milgram and it remain a match made in heaven regardless of how hellish thing get~

DoctorBunny

Ahnnnn- What’s up doc? Now don’t let the name fool you this dude is a Haruka fan- and that diagnosis is lifelong. He’s also not a doctor yet! Curses you to more college- I’m joking, I’m joking! This is another milgram fandom regular who’s dabbled in a little bit of everything.

Art, analysis, translations, documentation- You name it he’s probably done it!

And done it well at that,

DoctorBunny is inquisitive, considerate, and welcoming to his anyone within the fandom. Always looking for a way to not only enjoy himself but make sure those around him are enjoying their selves too.

Milgram Earphone Translation

Milgram Hallucination Booklet Translation PT1

Milgram x Karatez Interrogation Questions

He’s been a mod on Milgram servers, done real time quick translations of the material, and just generally been a joy to get to know through this series. While he has his biases- He’s not afraid to interrogate them and look at things from different angles.

His thirst for knowledge has created space around him for the opinions of others while still holding consideration towards his own. He knows that sometimes leaving space for the idea that one’s interpretation may be wrong is not only a reasonable thing to do but the first step to figuring out what may be right. He is one of the people I discuss my posts with in advance. As well as discuss how I engage with media in general with. Pretty daily at this point, actually. I hope my stubborn nature isn’t getting grating.

He once explained to me that because my wording can come off so adamant and certain in my convictions it can feel a bit overwhelming. Some may think that’s a bad thing but to me I thought it was a really great observation. It made me recognized that I do get incredibly caught up in my beliefs and am prone to speaking as though what I believe is the one obvious truth of the manner.

I can come off as really confident in my convictions because when I see something one way I can become blinded to the other ways it can be. Sometimes I do believe in my reading comprehension too much and that can be limiting. It can be off-putting. So, I’m glad I found a friend who can recognize and not get annoyed by that habit of mine when it comes to discussing media. Especially since I can be a fast-paced talker and texter when super invested in something.

So, Bunny’s more relaxed and down to earth pace along with straightforward nature of being able to just simply go that isn’t what I meant I meant x. Is incredibly grounding. He brings that measured analysis and grounding personality into the fandom spaces he occupies through he’s leveled responses to media and willingness to meet his peers where they’re at all while not compromising his own beliefs. He knows how to ask for help and when to be skeptical of what’s being presented and how.

Ultimately having internet and media literacy that far surpasses my own at times. This makes him an amazing person to have in any fandom and as a friend in general. Sometimes I get up in arms about something I’ve seen online because yes I can be reactionary and at those times I’ve gone off complaining about it and Bunny has more often than not managed to show me a new perspective I’ve never considered before. It’s important to have people like that who can level you out and understand where you’re coming from especially in fandom a space that thrives off of eliciting a reaction at times.

His art style is dreamy having a lovely display of colors and lighting.

Haruka in pyjamas

When it comes to art he’s very versatile wit a good understanding of lining, form, and style. Allowing for a good deal of variety between his pieces. His appreciation for drawing as a creative form is fully displayed in every piece he’s made. Though I think the best part is regardless of the drawing there always seems to be a bit of fun put into it!

Good-beans/ Good-beansdraws

Now this is a fandom regular that should need no introductions. She’s the guard of milgramblrgram and done it well at that! Not one person has died or gotten irrecoverably injured and that’s all due to her caring, compassionate, but fair guidance. Balancing Mahiru’s bleeding heart with Kotoko’s drive for fairness. She’s created an environment for most for a good majority of milgramblr to hone their talents and indulge their interests amongst peers with the same passion as themselves.

This user inspires me every day to turn my words into action. So, when I say it’s up to us to create a community worth being in those words don’t just sit there empty and I instead do things that highlight the talents and intricacies of the people who make this fandom the place it is for at times the better or the worse.

Because that’s what Milgram is about. Taking the good, the bad, and ourselves all into consideration and looking for the best path forward together. It’s about realizing that in this life we won’t only see things we agree with, the things we think may not always be right, there are biases in us all that need unpacking and questioning. Good-beans gives creatives in this fandom a space where they can explore these things within themselves through their many talents.

In everthing she does- She highlights what it means to form community out of fandom in every fandom that’s lucky to have her while still making space for herself and her own feelings about the works she enjoys. On top of that she creates a good deal of fanworks. Art and writing. Good-beans art reminds me a lot of graphic novels and western comics. Examples of the top of my head would be Stephen McCranie’s Space Boy, Eric Anthony Glover’s & Arielle Jovellanos’ Black Star, and W.I.T.C.H.

Mahiru Butcher's Vanity

Futa Indulgent Top 3 Redraw

If art isn’t your thing which in this age I seriously doubt it- But you know what they say a pictures worth a thousand words. I personally think that’s undercutting the value of words though. Well, that’s when it’s taken literally it’s more of a figurative statement implying that what a picture does all by itself would take a thousand words to describe in every detail if not more. So, if a pictures worth a thousand words that a hundred thousand words equate to one picture- Again if we’re taking it in the literal sense.

What I’m saying is if you’re looking for imagery then she’s got the words for that too. Sometimes all an artists needs is for a writer to create just the right words to show them something they never could imagine otherwise!

Lights, Camera, Sing Your Sins (A Milgram actor au where the audience gets to see the innerworkings of Milgram!)

So Morning Rise to Light Us (How do you spend your mornings. The time of day where it feels like no one else around. The prelude to everything else you'll do that- We hardly ever think about it but having a morning routine in Milgram must be hard, right? Some people can't handle one roommate let alone nine. This fic goes over the prisoners morning routines.)

himawari-candyy

Let’s keep this simple the way it always should’ve been. Death, murder, direct, indirect, intentional or unintentional- The meaning of life after loss. Who gives a damn about any of that wax poetically elsewhere. Let’s call a spade a spade. No need to complicate matters. Let’s all just take a breather and sit with the facts.

There’s a victim here, a life that could’ve been spared. Compared to that undeniable fact do the justifications of the living really matter? Do they matter enough to overshadow the life lost, what it was what it could have been? I mean those justifications can only be given because they’re still standing. All of them still have a life to live, something to go back, things to look forward to.

In that sense the prisoners have been in the limelight far too long and many fans seem to agree- Well, at least the number one Hinako fan does!

This girl knows in her heart that Hinako deserved better in every way! In the narrative, in life, and especially in screentime. So many prisoners have pleaded with the audience to think about their victims. *cough* *cough* Shidou trial one voice drama.

Eh-hem sorry that was weird.

Himawari-candy heard that plea and said ya know who deserves that sort of thought Hinako! Because- Damn it, looking at Shidou’s victims on an individual level is impossible even for him.

Q.02 What do you think of your victim?

Shidou: I don’t know who in particular you’re referring to.

Seriously people might just have to ask this man trial three what he thought of his patients to narrow things down. So, what the hell are fans supposed to do just make them up think of the families he hasn’t even bothered to mention other than offhandedly?

Every individual that has been notably displayed as a victim within the characters’ stories has fans and detractors just like the main cast. Taking a minute to put ourselves in the victims’ shoes a bit can never hurt and can allow people to get a look at the whole situation. let alone any member of this audience.

Take a walk down this alternative path covered with cute art and her bubbly disarming sociability. The casualness makes the environment all the more welcoming. She reblogs fan art others have made as well. Her art has a nostalgic look to it akin to a children’s book making the most unsettling things have a sparkle of familiarity and warmth.

Happy Valentines Day

A Heart like A Birds

Always a pleasure to see it making the rounds. Oh yeah, she’s a fan of Alien Stage too! I wonder who her favorites are?

Kyanako

Huh- what’s that sound? Mourning bells- Now, who on earth would… Eh- Ah, of course. Hey, now- Don’t fault the execution(s). Things ending (like lives) is what gives them meaning after all! Well, known for her inclination towards angst and as one of Amane Momose’s biggest fans/defenders. Kyanako has a habit of exploring the good, the bad, and the angsty-

Order of Attack Banner

Order of Attack

Given her interests in Danganronpa, Your Turn to Die, as well as Long Live the Queen. She's definitely no stranger to dead ends. Hmm... Long Live the Queen, huh? I wonder if she could put some focus into Mu for a little bit to fling her in a Long Live the Queen au? Of course, Mu wouldn’t do the lumen route though.

When she’s not making the fandom a bit more lively with her presence Kyanako can be found enjoying her many ocs, appreciating and making music, and making some really cute clothes for her Milgram plushies.

She’s shown the prisoners hell and heaven alike.

The focus she puts into the interpersonal relationships between them before the collapse makes it all the more shocking when things finally come to their inevitable conclusion.

Conversations

Direct, prudent, and always welcoming she’s a joy to have in any fandom environment- But! Watch out just like Amane she gives as good as she gets.

6 MILLION VIEWS

Purge March Usurps MeMe

As one of the milgramblrgram prisoners she’s known for teaming up with others behind the scenes and sneak attacks galore- But; it’s all in good fun!

Huh, did any of you know about all the multitalented individuals in the fandom? Well, of course you did you’re all here as well! All of you are more here than I am. It must get daunting. It’s easy to get self-conscious when surrounded by talent on all ends.

Even easier to talk oneself out of trying but it’s important to remember that no one can provide your voice but you. It’s something wholly unique to yourself and at times that can be scary and sometimes you won’t always agree with or get along with others because of that uniqueness.

Hey, but it’s not scary- you know that right? It can’t be scary because it’s love! Putting our unique visions and feelings out there in the way that best represents and is most comfortable for us as individuals is the biggest form of self-love one can commit to. It’s something that everyone within this fandom commits to every day. Hitting those creative walls over and over feeling overlooked that’s an experience any artist is used to feeling be it with their original works or fanworks.

It's something every Milgram fan has become acquainted with due to the nature of the series itself. It incentivizes putting yourself out there in ways that one may have never done before otherwise. Kyanako has shown me in the way that she conducts herself what it means to be a fan of anything really. How being a fan isn’t about gatekeeping or knowing the one true reading it’s about allowing your passion for something drive you and your interests to paths you may not have trodden otherwise.

Being a fan of something should invite a person to do something they’ve never done before. To look at something in new and interesting ways. It’s something that is more for the individual than the group at times. Kyanako reminds me that liking something quietly doesn’t diminish how much it’s liked. Through her plethora of interests outside of Milgram and her willingness to always look at something new.

I think taking a moment to remember that could be so comforting to a lot of people here just as it was for me.

Linabirb

It’s all systems go when this Amane and Mahiru fan arrives to the scene! This emperor of edits can do it all- Icons, stimboards, layouts for twitter and tumblr! If you can imagine it they can edit it- Just follow the rules alright?

Milgram EEO Collaboration Icons

Milgram Hallucination Icons

You do know what happens to rule breakers- Of course you do!

Their other main interests include Vocaloid, Project Sekai, Twisted Wonderland, and hoyoverse games! Whoa- hang on this little lady does chainsaw man edits too… I- I have something I need to think about.

Also the proud owner of a Milgram! Linagram-

Linagram in the style of the Second Anniversary Milgram Art

Maristelina

Ah, this guy- I don’t know much about them. Wait now; hold on! Just because I don’t know much doesn’t diminish any of her many contributions to this fandom. I’ve seen them in passing often and I really like the one post they did on Harrow with translations of the newspapers.

That definitely gave me a lot to chew on. Oh yeah and there was the second link which is my personal favorite of theirs.

She does art, translations, and a few theories here and there.

Milgram Portal Timeline Masterpost

Trial 1 Song of the Prisoners

One could say he was a little integral for the more than two alter Mikoto theory. Some may know their name from the posts they made on that back in the day.

But Gunsli- I thought you didn’t like that whole line of questioning, and I still don’t. Please don’t get it twisted. Then why- Hold on, hold on. I like information whether that information is contrary to what I know, believe I know, or personally feel is the case does not matter. I treat most information neutrally.

If there’s a way it can make sense I will fucking look for that way. I’ll walk that bridge whether its with someone else or by myself I have walked that bridge. Even though I can say I don’t see it. Some good points are made within some a good deal of those posts, and they’ve undoubtedly contributed to this space.

Now I’m not singling Maristelina out by any means there are more people on this list that discuss this idea and present it through art. Like it is not personal I am just giving credit where credit is due. They provided a lot of information in regards to this that’s worthy of respect. Information I’m certain has contributed to many people’s enjoyment of this series and that character. That’s something commendable. I will say I feel more depth could’ve been gone into in some of them and that it fell into a lot of the trappings that those conversations tend to.

Still for all their time spent doing what at times can be incredibly thankless work, his genuine love of the series, her immense persistence in displaying that love even when life starts being life. Maristelina without a doubt deserves many thanks from this fandom and me personally for always showing me something new and impressive.

Also like I said they make art as well I really like the ways they use lighting it’s super comforting and can give off this fluffy feel at times that I’m partial to.

meowkusunoki

Some may know this user from its Milgram memes. Maybe even his enjoyment of the Evillious Chronicles which was the first thing to come to Star’s mind when she saw the name. Personally, since I am not in the tag often this is the first time I’ve been acquainted with a good few of the people on this list works. I tend to stick to my little section, my little things, and not branch out too much.

So, I mostly know them as the creator of Dollgram. An ocmilgram with some very good character amvs and art. Right now, I would have to say my favorite character is Tadashi just because of how blatantly suspicious she is. She seems to be the sort of person who’s straight forward about their shortcomings despite trying to remain vague.

Very blunt which I like. The character dialogue is organic but feels like it could be flushed out more. The conversations are really engaging and the characterization shines through well. It gives off a feeling of idle chitchat well. I’d recommend checking it out. I had a lot of fun reading it.

Milk-ly

It’s your turn to- Create! If you’re reading all my ramblings, then I got no doubt you may enjoy hers as well! Always happy to start or contribute to a train of thought- if you’re looking to hammer out an idea this girl is the sort to start hitting out the dents with you!

Sweet and to the point she focuses on evening out the foundation o an idee. Fandom is a space where its quite easy to fall into a pattern of dismissing the opinions of others or getting defensive when someone else’s thoughts contradict your own beliefs. Hell, not even in just in fandom in life it can be very difficult to allow new perspectives in.

Kotoko and Futa's connection to witch trials and werewolf trials

What one believes to be common can be completely foreign to another. Because at the end of the day we’re all living lives that will for better or worse be independent of anyone other than ourselves. So, it’s nice to have someone who’s willing to take a moment to make space for your ideas and discuss them.

For me that’s one of my favorite things even when people disagree what I believe. Such as the Kazui situation. At the time it felt like a dogpile but I was really excited to hear everyone’s thoughts on it the timing was simply not the most ideal with life stuff going on. It really gave me a lot to think about when it came to the depictions of instruments in art.

Plus, I got to have a lot of fun looking up instruments and trying to disprove myself in a way. But in hindsight I was pretty whiny eh-heh though I was happy to talk to the person about it and enjoyed her genuineness. That experience reminded me that well people aren’t our worst assumptions and viewing things differently from each other is and should be enriching not degrading or disparaging.

Milk-ly is someone I’ve enjoyed seeing in the fandom because she’s a relaxing presence and tries to give everyone a fair shake. I respect that a lot. Especially when I recognize my own immatureness at times when it comes to presenting myself and my own points. I can’t help but be impressed by her.

Regardless of how turbulent online spaces can be at times she’s been a chill presence all while providing sweet art and good laughs!

Mikoto art and memes

Any fandom is lucky to have someone like her in it. She’s into Your Turn to Die as well maybe one day I’ll go back and do that rhythm game.

Monopoisonous

Poison can be sweet in small doses. Don’t worry, don’t worry- Things haven’t reached the point of lethality yet. Known for their expert use of colors and grasp of anatomy- It’s a bit scary when this resident Mikoto fan goes all out, right?

Yuno art

Mikoto art

It’s an overwhelmingly unique style that blends realism and animation influences together in all the right ways. Hopefully they don’t end up overdosing on Mikoto content before making more~

Mulling-over-milgram

Casually punctual this Milgram focused blogger analyzes, draws and has even created their very own Milgram- Chromogram! Where it’s up to the reader to discern what the prisoners have done through a series of websites. A beautiful combination of graphic design, storytelling, and the old fashion website formats come together masterfully in this new prison.

Except there’s a twist in order to move forward here one party must be found guilty. Whomever the majority of guards find innocent will be innocent and the person who fails to meet the majority’s expectations will be guilty by default.

It’s a bit of a strange balancing act where one party needs to look bad for the other to appear good. I don’t know how well it will turn out though. Some people have more of an advantage than others going off of the first pair on trial. It’d be very easy for some to view one party as helpless to their circumstances and the other as an instigator or complicit.

I’d be surprised if the verdict there is even close. Though maybe others would disagree. Take a look at it for yourselves and come to your own conclusion. Regardless of the conclusion one ends up drawing it’s a hell of an experience all the same.

Their art style is very reminiscent to some old school visual novels. Well, at least to me it’s giving off that sort of vibe. It really adds to the atmosphere of their Milgram. Oh yeah- In general they seem to have structured way of presenting their thoughts online that sometimes breaks into a more casual tone. They tend to elaborate in a grammatically correct way hence the casually punctual. It was more about punctuation than timing ha…bad joke, huh?

Alright, alright I get it fandom is filled with a lot of talented visual artists and people who can hold a writing utensil better than I can. The amount of art people have access to at the swipe of a finger can feel daunting. One might just figure it’s easier to just find a singular artist to stick to and call it a day. Ya, know like some may enjoy the illusion of choice more than the actual ability to choose.

An abundance of artists in any area is a good problem to have. It can foster variety and ingenuity when engaged with in good conscience. It’s easy to take visual art for granted when we’re all exposed to it so often. Even those who create can fall into the trap of comparisons and end up discouraging themselves. But- Art appreciation is a skill one must hone for themselves not only as a creator but as a viewer. It’s easy to look at a piece and stay ignorant of the process it took to get there.

It's easy to like something in passing but much more difficult to enjoy something wholeheartedly without pause and show that for all to see. The milgram fandom is lucky to have visual artists from around the globe who won’t hesitate to make their appreciation of the series known through their works.

But Gunsli it’s soooo much art it’s so many links- what a modern society problem to have back in Kazui’s day they didn’t have art. Why do you think colonizers stole so much of it? It was hard out there they had to find that shit in caves and call it history.

“I can’t, I can’t take it anymore.” Aw come on don’t be that way. The best sort of person is the type who can tell someone every little reason they like something. What have none of you ever looked at a piece of art and gone more than wow nice. Instead said something like the use of colors is amazing, it gives off the feeling of a lazy afternoon, the anatomy gives off a loose unimpeded feeling, the rigid use of lines adds to the constricted atmosphere.

Come on go a little further why don’t you- Like our next artist!

Nomeniko

Now here’s a person that knows how appreciate art just as much as they make it! Not only do they create amazing works but he also reblogs a good deal of art from others. She’s art appreciation embodied- It’s pretty amazing to be someone who not only creates but can see the value and beauty in the creations around them. People tend to forget that before creating comes appreciating- Ah, there’s so many works I’ve appreciated in my short life and I’m looking to enjoy many more.

Amane's birthday conversation (2024)

Mikoto system art

When it comes to posting he's got a pretty lax cadence that matches the casualness of their blog well. As for their art this is another nostalgic homerun being a bit reminiscent of FLCL and OFF. The emphasis of their art comes through in the forms with stunning gestures that manages to display movement and feel in a way that can be striking or comforting depending on the overall tone of the piece.

All that to say it’s really good. Sorry, I look at a lot of art but my descriptors can be quite lame- Plus I can compare a lot. I hope that’s not offensive to anyone’s efforts.

Polarmary

This person is never Vi-ing for anyone’s attention. Straight forward and earnest when it comes to her interests, she can be found displaying her enjoyment of Milgram, Arcane, and Kotoko in particular. With occasional post about their day to day here as well. She’s got an style that’s well to put it bluntly they’ve got a range. With a good understanding off form and lighting their art can go from cold and stoic to warm and fluffy.

Deep Cover Kotoko

Girls night

My personal favorites are their animal drawings, the one of the hippo is very cute. Oh then there’s the one with the girls having a sleep over- Plus, the one where Kotoko just adopts a wolf cub. Personally, I think if she just did that she wouldn’t be here but that’s neither here or there. (Give Kotoko and Futa emotional support pets. It’s always correct.)

Fun fact my favorites from Arcane are Jinx and Ekko. I find this fact fun mostly because I think the reputation I’ve garnered from being in the Milgram fandom is people assuming that I just hate girls and are harsh on them for no real reason. Sometimes all while assuming my gender. My friends find this understanding very funny given what I tend to let slide- and their impression is I am,

Too naïve.

Too forgiving.

Usually, I’m taking Milgram so seriously or being critical as some may see it because that’s how I engage with and enjoy engaging with media. Milgram just happens to invite that sort of scrutiny. I’m pleasantly surprised to see so many people in this fandom are also into Arcane.

Purgemarchlockdown

Are you locked in yet? Well; are you locked in yet? I can't hear you- Because this is a prewritten text interaction, and I literally cannot hear you and you can’t hear me. Huh I wonder what it sounds like when each of you is reading this internally what type of voice is given to me- Well that’s not important the fact is your eyes are on it and that means you're still reading.

I bet some of you may be wondering what exactly are you trying to sell us on here Gunsli? What are you trying to accomplish through propping up these other fans. That’s exactly the thing I’m trying to accomplish though. Propping up fans. The one's that have made this environment what it is outside of myself. The people that elevate other people’s perspectives to make something greater than the sum of its parts.

The Milgram staff tries its best to give attention to its fans regardless of where they’re from. Yet, the truth is there are still barriers between the staff in their global audience. Their efforts to include overseas fans with everything is commendable. However, I want people to know there are other things they can do to show appreciation not only towards the pieces of media they may enjoy but the people they enjoy those things with.

It doesn't have to be like this. Anyone can show their appreciation of other fans in ways that are completely unique to them. There are so many examples. Hosting games, having holiday events, art trades… Those are all things fans have hosted to make this experience more fun for everyone here. Even just sending a few kind words like the ones I received can mean so much. To quote a certain piece of media “Without love, it cannot be seen”.

There's no one that knows this better than Purgemarchlockdown. It understands the weight of words more than most here. It knows that words have power. That a promise is a promise and that’s it. Generally referred to by Nott it has shown me the importance of not only recognizing the weight of your own words but the weight of the words the people around me use as well.

That one can recognize intent and impact simultaneously.

Regardless of what you’re interested in there’s a mindset specific to you and you alone that only entered this world when you did. Thinking on one’s own, liking, disliking to the point of tunnel vision those conversations, disagreements, and thoughts only you can have. The limits in ourselves only we can see. That’s the thing we all bring to the table in any situation.

So,being able to take a step back and recognize one’s own intent in comparison to the impact one may have had. It’s important. Because no one can ever guess how someone else will take them. Everyone wants to be having fun but they can never really tell the point that fun has become someone else’s expense. It’s easy to tote around values one never has to follow through on.

Easy to type a few simple words about how one doesn’t have to forgive their abusers or be near them, intrusive thoughts don’t define a person, promote one’s self as a safe space for people of color and the marginalized. Claim solidarity when all one wants is the accolades from seeming progressive for appearing kind. But it’s important to be able to wade through the bullshit and see how the people that one shares a space with actually treat marginalized individuals, how they respond to people they claim they’re a safe space whether those people disagree with them or not, where’s their line at do they care about everyone or only those who agree with them.

How solid is our compassion, how firm are these things we think should be natural course of things. Do we stand on it when we say it’s harder to be kind than it is to be cruel or when things get hard do we commit to the easy way. Mercy, kindness, active listening and empathy isn’t easy- Sin isn’t easy. The impact we all have on the people around isn’t easy.

At a point I had to learn I needed to stop holding my intent in higher regard than my impact. I had to look at how I responded to things and extend mercy to myself for the ways I fall short my own expectations and think about how what I do impacts others. All while understanding that doesn’t mean the intent doesn’t matter anymore.

Yet, the same thing is true. If one spends all their life worrying about how they’ll be taken, if something is too much or too little, if they should check in on someone that’s having a hard time or not because of how appropriate they think it may be… No one gets help from that. No one benefits from someone squashing their own concerns.

Bravery to me is the ability to say I see someone is having a hard time and though it may make life a little more difficult for me or my attempts may be spurned I want to check if they’re okay. At the expense of my ego, even if I may not get answer, I want them to know how I feel and how even if briefly they made my life better. It takes a lot of courage to put the ball in someone else’s court.

Just let go of control of a situation and meet someone where they are and hope they meet you back. Now you may be thinking, “Gunsli what does that have to do with fandom- or the Milgram fandom specifically.” A lot it has a lot to do with fandom in general and the Milgram fandom. Yamanaka wrote these characters with the intent of them being like any other person in life. They aren’t meant to be viewed so two dimensionally regardless of what disorders they may.

Kotoko and fascism

Power dynamics in Milgram

Every character is a full person with multiple ranges of emotions as well as beliefs. If we can’t treat the fans we share a space with like other complete human beings how can we in honesty give the same courtesy to the stories we enjoy. It’s easy to say this is simply the case. Someone is just x and this other someone is just y. It’s easy to focus on compare and contrast reasonings.

Yet, it’s harder to look at someone one disagrees with and think how is this person like me, though.

Can we look past our egos? Can we stop allowing a character’s mindset to boost us up and validate our egos and make us feel good and secure in our existence because they get it this shows that people get it- And see these things for what they are? Yes, it’s a glorious feeling to see someone write out exactly how one may have felt or has been feeling in any medium- But admiration is the furthest thing from understanding.

Feeling good is nice. Yet, knowing how and why something makes us feel good gives us all knowledge on ourselves. Knowledge that allows us to take a step back and recognize when our biases may be getting manipulated. Not just with Milgram but with things like, Slay the Princess, Digimon, Umineko, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Puella Magi Madoka Magica- All things Nott brings the exact same energy it brings to Milgram.

Because when one is able to recognize their likes and dislikes anyone is able to enjoy everything to the fullest like it can.

Create Girl Amane

House of Leaves Shidou

Vincord

Huh- Ah, hello to you! I hope your year has been going splendidly. Hm, I’m probably about to say something no one will understand other than me. Bu-but her art kind of reminds me of playing with clay! Ah how do I explain it. See this is what I meant in the last one about my way of describing art being weird.

I don’t describe it in the technical sense, I describe it based off the weight or feeling it gives off. I’m pretty sure Star doesn’t even understand this one and she’s proofreading. It’s like when I look at art I kind of think of it in the sense of what it would be like to touch. It gives off the firmness but flexibility of molding clay.

That’s been sculpted into a fine shape but could bend or break under the slightest pressure. It has a firm fragility to it that I really like, it’s rather impressive! It’s difficult to make something rigid but cushiony all at once. On top of that her expression work is really good too.

Princess Mononoke Yuno and Kotoko

When she’s not drawing fanart she can be found posting about her interests and talking about her ocs. I wish I talked about my ocs more openly! Hopefully you keep it up and all your years to come are better than the last.

Waivyjellyfish

She hardly ever stings with an affable way of speaking she makes waves in any fandom. One of Es’ biggest fans! It’s Waivy- Her art is very squishy. I’d say the feel of it is very reminiscent of flan. Since it doesn’t give off a feel as hard as jello or as soft as pudding this is nice middle ground comparison.

Harlequin (Arlekino) Es

Es art

Her lining tends to be fluid causing it to catch the eye more easily. Even sketches end up having a nice yet not overbearing weight to them. Giving off a solid but squishy to jiggly feel. Now where Waivy abilities shine through the most is with character designs, displays of movement, and perspective.

She’s great at drawing things in a way where one is easily able to pick up the mannerisms and movements of the subject. Meaning despite being still it still manages to feel very animated and lively. Her expression work also gives a good deal of incite into the characters making them easy to read from a glance.

This shines through the most with her ocs the Dokuro Family. Outside of drawing Waivy also does 3D printing. I’m a bit curious about how that goes in general since I don’t know much about it myself. She’s a 3D printer by specialty with a bunch of other media interests. Some that I hadn’t heard for a while such as Katekyo Hitman Reborn (one day I will finish what I start that day won’t be today sorry Tsuna), One Piece (sorry Luffy), and Zenless Zone Zero to name a few.

My friend is into Zenless Zone Zero and I had the pleasure of seeing that all their sponsored ads on tumblr had been flagged for breaking community guidelines because I don’t know tumblr is a functioning website, I guess. This has nothing to do with anything it was just weird as fuck like what did this ad do? It was everyone one of them on my mobile for a bit. Like I’m not complaining it was kind of like going ad free weird none the less. So, I mostly know that one due to that. We were actually talking about the four horsemen of the apocalypse because of it recently.

Waivy sometimes writes as well but it’s rare. She tends to be a pleasure in the fandom and open to requests. Just don’t expect anything immediately and follow the rules!

Lastly, I know that it’s difficult to put oneself out there when it comes to communicating likes. It can feel embarrassing and cause a good deal of unwarranted anxiety to express positivity. Especially when you’re uncertain of how the other party may take it. As someone who gets anxious about doing those sorts of things myself, I can empathize. That or maybe I’m just projecting a bit.

I’ve realized lately that it’s very easy for some to be dragged into a sandpit of negativity. It’s so much easier to give into to being critical when something strikes a nerve than to find anything good within it. It’s an honest but short-sighted response to a stimulus but that’s what makes it so human.

Contrastingly, people tend to put a lot more thought into being kind or showing positivity. So much in fact that they may talk themselves out of doing anything at all or convince themselves they’re doing too much. Just thinking about it can feel embarrassing and spark self-doubt like should I really be saying this, is it too much etc.

So, I wanted to make it clear that this wasn’t weird at all to me, and I greatly appreciate you spending your time on writing up such nice words for me. I know that it took a lot of time for me to answer. My apologies for that. Ultimately I saw this as a good opportunity to pay it forward and pay some respect to the others that make this fandom more unique. Even if I don't engage with others often.

I hope that wherever anyone is at right now that we're all having the best new years eve or day that we can. That we go into the new year having learned more and looking forward to more amazing things to come regardless of the struggles that may crop up along the way. There are so many things that online creations can't convey be it a piece of art, analysis or a post, I hope in 2025 people are able to recognize the existences behind the screen more than the things they make on it.

That we all start appreciating and respecting each other more regardless of how close we may or may not be. Though I know certain people would find that hypocritical coming from me. I'm not saint and I don't forgive everything and everyone. Though the one thing I carry in everything I do is respect for the agency of others. I do believe fully I don't have to like someone to respect they're alive and disliking them doesn't make anyone a object of my disrespect.

That's always how I'm gonna see it. Outside of that I hope to get to spend a lot more time with Star while talking about things I enjoy. I want to make it clear this ask really made my year in a lot of ways. I'm not trying to be holier than thou or force some air of false positivity. I really do think internet spaces can be a lot more fun when we manage our expectations of others within these spaces and sit with our feelings for a bit before reacting.

At the same don't get used to like all this kindness- I'm going into 2025 like a mirror people are getting what they give with me. I'm not a saint I'm a petty, mean, individual who is doing their very best to choose kindness every day and when I fail choose I will fail to do so in an spectacularly human way. Bottom line is I'm going to be obnoxious about Milgram next year.

I am going to have as much fun with it as I possibly can as respectfully as I can. I am ready to see hell and bring hell right back. Because I'm enjoying all of this until the very end.

(Star here: Ever since Gunsli came up with this idea I've been interested in seeing how it pans out. This year has been rough but there have also been a lot of people trying to make things better than how they first came across it. Even if it's by only a bit.

Gunsli has put in so much effort and energy into milgram stuff, it's been impressive to see. She's been reaching out more and more and it's heartening to see at least some of her efforts responded to in kind. Excited is a good look for her :- 3

That being said, I'm the one hitting post, since Gunsli is going to be out for a good few hours. >:- 3c if you want to, you should surprise her with messages. Also, from me- I hope everyone's new year pans out better than this one!)

#milgram

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thevegandarkelf · 2 days ago

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2024 Wrapped

GIF by me, dividers by @anitalenia

I wouldn’t call this a yearly wrap-up as I’ve only been posting since October 1st, but here we are.

Wow, 2024’s been a hell of a year professionally, personally, and on here. I started writing again for the first time since the pre-pandemic days, had my 5-year anniversary with my partner, found myself in this lovely little corner of the fandom & made some new friends along the way. After only writing OC content my whole life, I finally took the leap and started doing x Reader content, and that’s been fun so far. It’s been a wild few months.

No one asked for this part, but I figured I'd give a little bit of an origin story as to how the hell I even ended up here.

I hatched an idea one day, that idea being the existence of my sweet little angel Vec (Lydia Vector). She just popped into my brain one day after having not thought about TWD in ages. Then my brain said “she’s gonna be Daryl’s love interest.” And after not having done any writing in years (I started creative writing when I was 14), I said “well…guess I’m doing this now.” So I began posting on AO3 and Wattpad and eventually made my way over here. And it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

If you found me on here from reading my content on another platform, thank you, and I'm happy to have you here.

When I first started posting on here, I felt like a teeny, tiny drop in a sea full of big names (probably because I was) (I still feel that), and that was intimidating enough to almost make me stop altogether. But I've met some of the best people through this app, and I feel like I finally found a little corner of the internet where I belong.

Shout-outs to the homies:

@francisofthespook you were one of my first followers, and I still remember when I came on one day and saw that you had binged a bunch of my content & how happy that made me. Thank you for suggesting creative content for me to do (like create playlists & the whole NSFW alphabet thing we did). I adore you 💙

@holdmytesseract Maddie, you are such a sunny, bright presence on this app, and I’m beyond honored that I get to call you one of my mutuals. You leave some of the sweetest comments I've ever received, and I’m excited to (hopefully) become friends 🧡

@gothic-pumpkin I can’t express how happy I am that I reached out to you. When I saw we had the same taste in music and men (Norm characters lmao), I knew we would be friends. Our conversations always make my day 🤎

@weirdoneattheparty you are such a light & so kind, friendly, and welcoming to everyone in this space. You're also such icon for those audios you manage to find and make all crispy and clear, I love you for that (and more ofc) 💛

@negansbestie you are truly one of the sweetest and most friendly people I’ve met on this app. You always have the nicest things to say, and seeing you in my activity tab always makes me smile 🤍

And last, but certainly not least, @dixons-sunshine. God, where do I even begin with Krys? She is my favorite writer on this app & was the first person I really admired on here. I remember thinking "damn, if she even looked at something of mine, just once I would feel like the coolest person ever." And then we became mutuals and I thought "it'd be so cool to be friends with her, she seems awesome." Then I made a simple comment, talking about how my OC (Vec) and hers (Georgie) would definitely be besties in an alternate universe, thinking nothing would come of it. And that one comment spiraled into an entire AU and a beautiful friendship. Krys is one of the most down-to-earth, kind, supportive, funny people I've had the pleasure of knowing. It's crazy to me that I can just text you whenever, whether it AU planning or just random life shit. And thank you for showing me how to make cool shit to make my blog look sick and make cool things for our AU. I love you sm 💜

I'm also honored to be getting to know @angelwings-crossbowstrings, @lazyneonrabbitt, @deansapplepie, @dixondystopia, @enlightndone & @shadowcitrine. You're all lovely, and thank you for being such welcoming presences in this little corner of the internet 💚

And of course, our Royal Council, aka our ‘Quarters of the Undead’ readers/taglist people: @kat-herine00 @gothic-pumpkin @weirdoneattheparty @negansbestie @ffsjustletmesleep @holdmytesseract This AU is still in its infancy, and we have so much planned. Thank you for joining us on this journey so early on ❤️

Works I'm most proud of:

Finding Myself, Finding You (the fic that started it all)

Lydia Rae Vector, OC profile (naturally, I'm most proud of my little unhinged baby angel)

Flattery: Daryl Dixon & Fem!Reader (first attempt at x Reader content)

Something Good (first installment in the QOTU AU)

Thank you all for some of the best months of this year. I love you all, and I'm excited to see what happens in 2025 🖤

#the dark elf rambles #thank you all so much #I love each and every one of you #come here so I can kiss your forehead #daryl dixon #scud frohmeyer

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lunarlivs · 1 year ago

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nye with r + s ⭑

#mama y papa #my parents #my everything #i truly can not put it into words how much these two fuckes mean to me #my first year being like an active in the fandom is over #feeling a lot #loving you more #<3333 #marauders #marauders era #fanart #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #wolfstar fanart #my art

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kneworder · 4 months ago

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some of you guys weren't raised on heroes (2005) and it shows

#you're gonna denounce the show forever just because it started to suck???? me age 11 (biggest heroes stan alive) could never #it's making me so sad to see so many people who were so active in the tua fandom decide to leave it completely #idk there's a place in almost all my favorite shows i can point to where it all went wrong #(heroes s2. chuck s4. stranger things s3. supernatural s6 but the final death knell was s9 idk that one's complicated.)#(malcolm in the middle kind of sucked after s4. teen wolf went downhill after s3.)#(the witcher and twd had such consistently mid seasons i stopped watching. only the first season of the flash was worth it.)#doesn't mean i was any less obsessed with them or that i don't still look back on them fondly #why should i leave tua in the dust just bc i can add 'tua s3' to that list? hell it's already been on there for two years #like the obsession isn't nearly as strong as before but i still look back on the show and my experience with it fondly!#i know i keep saying it but i cannot begin to fully express how deep i was in with tua and how much of an impact it had on me #no one is obligated to stay or pretend to be happy but like yeah it makes me sad to see people turn their backs on it #we had so much fun for a while! that's what i want to keep celebrating and keep alive even if it's in a background casual way #the parts that we all loved and came together over were great!#i know there's not much of a reason to come back together again or to feel inspired #but like. it's one thing to be upset and uninspired. it kind of feels like another to decide to leave the fandom forever :(#no disrespect to anyone bc i do understand wanting to wash your hands of the whole thing. i just wish it didn't go down like this :(#anyways. i love you guys and i miss being a five stan when it was easy a little bit rn <3

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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 1 month ago

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Theyre going to think I like canon and purely canon if I keep going on like this

#i. despite my many complaints. do enjoy comics. and going into the Comic Reading Fandom #there is a shocking amount of people who are purely in the fandom but have never interacted with the source #while i do believe its fine to dabble in something you haven't seen the source for yet but plan to #being a creating active presence in fandom for something youre not a fan of. just doesn't sit with me #its just a bit baffling. to be a fan of the fandom amd never touch the canon #like lifelong christians who attend every service and judge others based on gods word. who have never even read the full bible.#its just all the pastors word and stories n verses they grew up with #thats exactly how i see it I fear #fanon dynamics and tropes heavily overwhelm the canon. and i tend to prefer the canon. so it gets frustrating #not to mention how many popular ones completely flip characters. reinforce stereotypes. have even more confusing timelines. etc #its like the online fan equivalent of years of domestication and breeding that turned wolves to pugs #not that extreme but you get me #i mess with canon. i like to get silly with it. i like to fuck around #plenty of things i dont like i Will ignore or rewrite! or make an au where i can do whatever on earth i want #i dont respect canon or think its the end all be all and if you step one foot out of line of canon ill maul you like an angry dog #its just like! maybe read the one singular comic issue youre about base your entire interpretation on the fanon version of #this is ending in just me complaining about titans tower yeah. sorry. its the prime example i fear #but at least its easy to filter out #man! if i just had a way to filter things out better..#sometimes it reaches the point where i consider just blocking the entire tim tag. sorry tim #i Will uplift the community i desire instead of focusing on my hatred and complaining!!#i just need to get out of art block and find cool blogs to follow that Get Me to help me out first!!#unfortunately i have a really weird complex about following people especially if they followed me first!!!#not sure what thats about!!#but ill get to the other things!!!#i am also just a complainer though !#and i get into arguments alot without realizing it because i love noting every detail and correcting people!!#i tried to put every william mention and appearance from tse in a google doc. and with ralpho. thsoe got much easier when i got #digital copies of the fnaf books. but what im saying is i LOVE having all the facts n details abt my blorbos. esp in over detailed notes.fu #havijg all the references on hand! and sharing my precious beautiful knowledge. carefully noted bc my poor memory. very delightful. fun!

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 2 years ago

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> posts a fic i'm proud of about dark subject matter to do with five and his abuse, which came from a very personal place, on AO3

> gets a comment

> it is, Course, a hate comment from an anti, demanding on anon to know why i would 'spend my value as a writer who's read Legacies' to write it

> roasts their ass like a thanksgiving turkey and immediately goes to write more of the thing

#LL tag #antis cw #the entitlement is unreal and it Will get you made fun of sorry #like for one thing first and foremost my art is for me; unless i am specifically writing something as a gift for someone else #which i do when i do it because it brings me joy #but also i do find happiness; joy; and fulfillment in posting art that i made for myself; and it being meaningful to other people #i've got LL fics that are ten years old that people still mention having loved now and then; and that i still get kudos on #and it is so humbling in the best way; i cannot express how much my opinion on it is not 'lol go fuck yourselves i don't care'#.......BUT. your 'value' as a writer/artist/etc in fandom is not something you '''spend'''#you are a *person* who shared your time and effort and a little part of your soul #that nourishes people it resonates with; until they have enough left over to maybe share some of theirs right back #a fandom that is good for you and treating you decently will leave you with more of yourself to share; not less #the value you are bringing to a fandom is *you*#what your value to the fandom is *not* is #'someone who's read the thing i like; puts words on paper; and is therefore categorically capable of making content for me to consume'#'and ONLY content for ME to consume'#'if you write anything i don't want to read you are personally taking food out of the mouths of me and my starving children'#writers and artists in fandom are not ATMs for the fandom to leave empty #and if anyone tries to treat you like one they're an entitled weirdo who's actively dehumanizing you & i advise you to drop their ass & run #anyway i just have a lot of thoughts about the subject and i am grateful to people in fandom who aren't Like This #whereas anon can use the block button or cry themself to sleep at night every time i post another fic about five being an abuse survivor #the salt files #abuse mention cw #grooming mention cw

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drbtinglecannon · 2 years ago

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o(-(

#the overwhelming fomo feel of being an active fan of toh since it aired & now its almost entirely over & i have barely made any #fan content for it for YEARS. YEARS. i was complaining to my partner about it last night that toh is the first fixation of mine that ive #been into since it started. havent lost all interest mid way through & dropped it. have actually been part of fandom. its an ongoing show #w weekly releases so it was continued content rather than a video game where you can get it all immediately. & now its almost over #anyway i know grand scheme it doesnt matter but i still feel disappointed i havent like. taken more time to draw or write for things #i care about anymore. anyway lol #the more the special stews in my head the more I'm enjoying parts i didnt care as much about. i did really enjoy it but i was still :c at #certain details. im so anxious for the finale bc i hate endings haha & also itll be sad its over

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caelum-in-the-avatarverse · 8 months ago

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Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available.

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community.

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company?

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists.

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits.

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people.

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it.

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.

#ao3 #lore.fm #fanfiction #fandom history #gift economy #caelum rambles

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hyperfixating-rn-brb · 1 year ago

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The Good Omens Fandom has had a lot of fun recently with the knowledge of Aziraphale and Crowley holding hands on the bus at the end of season 1.

Soo here's everything that went through my head as I learned of it for the first time.

For that entire scene, Aziraphale is really far gone. He's dissociating so hard he can't even realize he's been sitting on a sword. Crowley is probably the only thing keeping him grounded.

They just narrowly stopped Armageddon after a showdown with literally Satan, and still can't let their guard down. For the first time ever, they're completely on their own side. Now they have to orchestrate a body swap to save both of them. They wouldn't just be killed, they'd be completely destroyed. Everything must go exactly according to plan, but how often does that actually happen?

And on top of that, his bookshop, his home, his safe place with the demon he has to pretend not to love is burned and gone.

Crowley is so incredibly gentle and reassuring this entire scene. He's been through so much trauma himself and has spent a lot of his existence shielding the angel from it, hoping to protect some of his innocence and naivete. Crowley is absolutely familiar with every symptom of PTSD and anxiety.

Now he has to see his sweet angel see such a small bit of the horrors of heaven and hell and start to crumble inside. He's going to do his dam best to try and help Aziraphale through it. Speaking softly, ("the bookshop burned down... remember?) slowly and carefully, gradually helping to pull the angel back to reality, reminding him that he's there and will help ground him.

They get on the bus, and sit next to each other. 11 years ago, they sat nearby but separated while Crowley begs Aziraphale to help him prevent the Apocalypse. Now they are sitting together. Both an act of reassurance and unity.

Crowley sits first, Aziraphale could so easily just sit across from him, behind or in front. But he chooses to sit right next to him. And hold his hand. Aziraphale desperately needs to be near to the *former* demon he loves, to hold him, to make sure they won't be separated.

In the book, their famous lines of "none of this would have worked out if you weren't, deep down, just a bit of a good person" and "just enough of a b*stard to be worth liking" came as Satan rose from the earth, as a goodbye in case they were destroyed.

Luckily, that didn't happen and they survived. Armaggedon was stopped. But the angel is still so anxious of losing Crowley. So he chooses to reach out, to anchor himself and reassure himself that Crowley is still there beside him and that they are okay, at least for a few minutes.

And Crowley let him. He knows how badly Aziraphale needs him, he needs the angel just as much. He knows how badly he craved an anchor and support system as he was first abused and traumatized by his Fall, then further by Hell. So he's going to continue being there for Aziraphale, doing everything he can to make his angel feel safe and comfortable.

Over the next few years, Aziraphale would become so much more comfortable reaching out and touching Crowley. Leaning into him, resting a hand on his shoulder or briefly touching his chest. Somehow both reassuring himself that the former demon was still there, and reminding Crowley that he's still there for him at the same time.

Then Crowley becomes more comfortable with the touch, leaning into the angel by himself. No longer flinching at a sudden graze of a hand or reassuring squeeze.

That one moment of the two holding hands on the bus cemented so much of their relationship. "The last few years, not really..." all started on that bus the moment Aziraphale chose to sit down next to Crowley.

edited: at first this said "new knowledge" because I just found out about this all the other day, and wrote this up at 3 AM, and didn't really fact check when this knowledge became well known. I've only really been a GO fan since maybe 2021, and only really started being active in the fandom during the last few months, so a lot of info that is fairly well known is still generally new to me. soo yeah this was edited :)

source for anyone asking for it!

#good omens spoilers #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #good omens #go2 #bus scene #they like holding hands #neil gaiman #david tennant #michael sheen

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autogyne-redacted · 5 months ago

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Let's Talk About Security Culture: Why Keeping Secrets is Cool and Sexy

It's a natural impulse -- if you love crime -- to want to talk about how great it is. And if you hate America, it's only natural to want to share your dreams for its future with the rest of tumblr dot com. It can feel brave and transgressive. And there is a drive to share your soul with the world at the heart of social media. Surely I should be posting the most concrete implications of my politics, right? This is the poster's curse.

Security Culture refers to a set of "best practices" developed over the past several decades, largely (in a US context) coming out of radical environmental groups as they faced intense state repression, infiltration and entrapment. If you're not familiar, there's some fascinating crimethinc write ups to give you a window into that world:

Much of it boils down to: don't talk about crimes, past or forthcoming with people who don't need to know about them, and be mindful of the possibility of surveillance and infiltration. And, we can support each other as a community in minimizing risks, with an eye towards enabling bold action rather than getting bogged down in fears and anxieties. The guidelines that make sense for AG-based trouble-makers are different from the guidelines that make sense for posters, but plenty of common principles apply. To speak briefly to our position here as posters:

First, it bears saying that long term anonymity is nearly impossible to maintain. Unless you've never accessed Tumblr without a vpn, and avoided connections with other ppl who can be associated with you/your location, and never shared pictures without scrubbing metadata, and a bunch of other 100% consistent steps, it's trivial for the state to know who you are.

Second, just because something isn't actively being prosecuted now doesn't mean it can't be prosecuted later. The priorities of the state change and a shift in power towards the right or a growth in radical action from the left can suddenly make it a priority to destroy anarchist networks or just find a few ppl to prosecute as examples (who probably weren't that plugged into larger networks before getting arrested). Advocating for specific anti-government crimes or declarations of intent to commit such crimes are likely prosecutable, and even if charges don't stick, they're an easy vector for legal harassment.

Third, it's worth thinking about heat as separate from prosecutability. There are modes of engagement that may not be directly criminalized but signal that you are someone worth watching. Some people choose to be public in ways that make heat unavoidable. But it's worth noting that heat isn't strictly individualized, that it persists over time but also is going to shrink over time.

It's easy on here, ime, to see yourself as a proud member of the crime fandom but not much of a content creator. And it's easy to feel like you've generated an amount of heat where you're locked into that role. But heat you generated 10 years ago is probably pretty well gone. Heat you generated 5 years ago has faded substantially. It's worth thinking about how the world might shift in the coming years and what doors you want to keep open.

The non-individualized nature of heat also means that leaning into the spiciest of anti-state positions will make it a bad idea for people who are acting out those positions end up tied to you. Loudly talking about how "more people should be doing [X/Y/Z]" unfortunately sets you up to remain distant from people who might be doing or thinking about doing such things.

Which brings me back to: keeping secrets is sexy. Not spelling everything out builds intrigue. You can lay out a theoretical position and leave working out the practical implications of that as an exercise for the reader. There's value in opacity. The poster's curse and the drive to confess are extremely convenient for the state, but we can resist them. We can hold dreams in our hearts that we refuse to offer up to the posting spectacle.

#security culture #writing

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uglypastels · 5 months ago

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omg what about Logan being like the softest with a sensitive/shy reader. Idk in what context like maybe she’s just overwhelmed with life and kinda closed off in terms of voicing what’s wrong and you know he’s usually very stoic but he’s the BIGGEST softy. Totally not projecting btw.

YEsss Logan is such a fucking softie, no matter how hard he'd want to try and hide it. thank you for being my first request for this fandom i hope i can do it some justice 🫶 and pleeease, we love to project here so please, go right ahead.

warnings: darkness. anxiety. loneliness. alcohol. fem!reader. reader's mutation specified. mentions of past [implied toxic] relationship. so some angst but also bunch of fluff at the end. also please don't come for me if he's a bit out of character. this is my first time writing Logan so it will be trial and error.

~ X-Men Requests Open ~ Masterlist ~

It was the dead of the night. Quite literally. All around you was so quiet and dark that the rest of the world might as well have ceased to exist. All you heard was the floorboards creaking under your footsteps as slivers of moonlight illuminated your path through the corridors of the mansion. It was the rare instance that you felt at peace.

Yes, you knew almost as soon as you stepped inside the large building and saw all these mutants walking around happily and carelessly that you had found a true safe haven, and yet, months later, you still had not found your bearings. It did not help that you were not exactly in the age bracket of most of the residents here. Having the mansion double as a school meant most of the mutants were in that school-going age range, and while they were lovely (for the most part), you had no desire to befriend children. Then, those who you felt more drawn to socially, like Storm or Jean, were all apart of that special ops team, which always left them busy, if not completely absent, while away on missions.

Thus, most of your days went by in solitude. Something you had gotten used to throughout your life. Over the years it had become natural for you to simply disappear into your surroundings. Wether you wanted to or not, people simply overlooked you. In hindsight, it explained your mutation perfectly… or was that just an aftereffect of it? You had always wondered if it was one’s personality that influenced the mutation or the other way around.

Either way, for you, it all merged into one dark abyss.

By now, you had gotten a hang of all the floor plans of the giant building, especially the route between your room and the kitchens.

You hadn’t checked the clock when you got out of bed, but it must have been around 2 am, if not later. You didn’t expect anyone to be up at this ungodly hour. Especially not walking out of the dark kitchen exactly as you were coming through the threshold. The two of you bump, chest to chest, and the contact immediately made you burst out in a high-pitched scream. From the other side of the impact, you heard a muffled grunt and the sound of a blade being pulled. That was enough for your flight or fight mode to activate. You almost choked on the deep breath you took. The blade swung in your direction, but it only slashed the air where you once stood.

‘Who’s there?’ it was a male voice. Hard and deep, almost wild. In your other form, your eyes adapted much better to the dark, and so you could see him looking around himself wildly. You counted the sharp appendages in his hands— no, they were coming out of his arms— six long claw-like blades ready to impale the very first thing that’d move.

There was no doubt about it that this must have been the infamous Logan everyone around the mansion talked about. From what you had heard, he had been away for almost a year on some top-secret assignment for the Professor, but now he had apparently returned.

And what a comeback he has made, nearly stabbing you in the hallway.

‘Who’s there?’ he repeated his question louder, still looking around.

‘Just me.’ Your voice came out as the exact opposite of his, soft and weak, and you immediately regretted your words. Just me, as if he was supposed to know what that meant.

But it must have done the trick, as Logan retracted his claws. His shoulders visibly slacked at the lack of imminent danger.

‘Well, Me, you can come out of hiding. I’m not gonna hurt ya,’ he grumbled, ‘let me just turn the light on–’

‘Wait!’ You squeezed your eyes shut and let the cool air of the night brush over your bare arms. When you opened them again, all you could see was Logan’s large frame standing inside the kitchen, most likely hovering over the light switch, surprised at your sudden call.

‘Sorry, you can uhm– turn the lights on now.’ And like that, with a quiet flick, the kitchen illuminated with a soft orange glow.

Logan’s eyes were immediately on you, scanning you up and down for any sign of recognition, but you already knew there would be none. Even if he had ever seen you before, there never was.

‘Do I know you?’ he cocked his head with the question, and all you could do was shake your head.

‘I doubt it.’ No one knew you, but that didn’t feel like a smart response.

‘Care to introduce yourself, Bub?’ He leaned against the wall with the light switch, and maybe it was his overall greatness as he practically towered over you, but you felt a rush of heat fall over your face as he looked down at you in expectance. Awkwardly, you pushed out the sounds that formed your name, with a bonus of an extended hand for him to shake.

‘And you must be Logan, right?’

He confirmed your suspicion with a grunt as he took your hand, squeezed firmly, but not painfully, and shook it once. Then, silence fell between you.

Two strangers who met in a complete, nearly fatal accident. It was only to be expected you would have nothing to say to one another. But you were, after all both awake this late in the night, and that was enough to compel you to talk.

‘Couldn’t sleep?’

‘Just got back, actually.’ His eyes glanced to your side and that is when you noticed the duffel bag that lay in the corridor. Then, only when you looked back at him did you take in what he was wearing. Not the expected gym shorts or sweatpants with an old shirt. Instead, Logan was dressed in a black button-up under a dark motorcycle jacket. With that, he had a boot cut-jeans and the boots to match. From the tiny dark dotted pattern on his shoulders and the light pitter-pattering that was occurring outside, it was visible he had just come from out of the rain.

Immediately, a parade of questions entered your mind. Where had he been? Why did he come back so late? What was he doing in the kitchen? And so much more, though none of it would leave your mouth as you doubted he would talk to you about his secret mission.

‘You alright?’ His brows furrowed as he looked down at you, and you realised how you must have looked. Staring up at him with wide eyes, not saying a single thing. Another heat flare hit your cheeks.

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

He cocked his head in an examinatory fashion. The disbelief evident in his eyes.

‘You’re new here, aren’t you?’

‘Relatively,’ you shrugged. ‘Got here a few months ago.’

‘Parents kicked you out?’ He assumed the most common backstory that comes with the residents of the mansion.

‘Not exactly,’ you kept your response short. After all, you could hardly tell a stranger you just met that your boyfriend had kicked you out of your shared apartment when he found out about your genetic abnormality. You had never been sure how he would have reacted, but the events that unfolded were even beyond your imagination. But the past was the past, and you didn’t want to dwell on it. The important part was that not a day after this conversation, you were crying in your car with nowhere to go. It was by chance that weeks after your break-up/eviction, you stumbled into some other mutants who told you about the Professor. You weren’t too sure about going to seek shelter at a school of all places, but in reality, the Academy was much more than that. Though it did give you the perfect opportunity to safely train your abilities.

That and so much more was what went through your head, but you didn’t say any of that to Logan. Why would you? He didn’t know you. He didn’t care about your problems, and you didn’t blame him for it.

On the contrary, you appreciated that he didn’t press you for more details. When you answered the way you did, he simply nodded in understanding and made his way over to the fridge. The blue glow illuminated his tense features. Strange, for a man who had been a year on the go on some secret spy adventure, you would have expected him to return at least a bit beaten up. But besides maybe some signs of a bad sleep schedule, no form of strain was visible on his face.

‘You want something?’ he looked over at you, making you realise you had been, in fact, staring and not very subtly either.

‘I’m good, thanks.’

‘Suit yourself,’ he went back to inspecting the contents of the fridge before sighing with disappointment. ‘They still don’t have anything stronger around here?’

‘Oh, if you’re looking for beer–’ you walked over to a cabinet at the other end of the kitchen. You tapped a corner, and a small code pad appeared. You tapped in the code, and the cabinet opened to reveal a fully stocked mini-bar. ‘Scott had it installed over the summer,’ you explained when you saw Logan’s confused expression.

‘Explains the babyproofing.’ He walked over, and you handed him a cool bottle of beer.

‘Well, it is a school after all.’ You held in a smile as the thought occurred to you that the kids might not have been the only ones who weren’t supposed to know about the secret compartment. The rivalry between Cyclops and the Wolverine was known all too well around the whole campus, even for newcomers such as yourself.

Logan smirked, taking his beer. You were about to offer a bottle opener, but he hit the neck of the bottle against the edge of the table and with a pop and a clink, the cap came right off.

‘Here,’ he exchanged your bottles, giving you the open one. You watched him repeat his actions with the second drink. Your eyes were still on him as he chugged down half of the beer in one go. He probably could have downed the whole thing if it wasn’t for his look down at you, most likely noticing your entranced look.

‘That staring a part of your powers, too, then?’ he commented, and the acknowledgement immediately made you turn your head in the direction of the window.

‘Sorry. I just— I tend to do that, I guess.’ You wrinkled your nose. Being on your own around so many people, you had gotten used to people watching, observing them from a distance like a show on TV that you kept on for the background noise.

‘What do you do, anyway?’ He asked bluntly, ‘I thought I had done you in good back there.’

‘You would have,’ you chuckled, remembering just how close his claws had come into contact with you. ‘It’s hard to explain. I just kind of—’ You noticed the shadow that fell over the floor from the table and lightly grazed it with the tip of your toe. With a deep breath, the world in front of you changed. Except the exact opposite was the truth. ‘Disappear.’ You finished the sentence, punctuated by your new state.

Logan’s eyes widened as you disappeared in front of his eyes. Where the shock came from, he couldn’t explain. He had encountered these sorts of mutants before. But this felt different than regular invisibility or teleportation. With his heightened senses, he could always detect those sorts of hijinks. No one ever disappeared to him. But you— as soon as you had faded away, it was as if you had completely fallen off the face of the earth. Not a single trace of you lingered behind. When you spoke, just as you had in the hallway, your voice didn’t seem to be coming from one place. It was all around him, almost like a whisper, a voice inside his own head.

With a blink of an eye, you reappeared before him. Just as you had stood there moments before.

‘There’s not really a name for this, I think; at least no one around here could come up with anything that made sense.’ Not that you had any conversations that made people interested enough to do the research. ‘But from my own understanding, I kind of become one with the shadows.’

‘And what about the light?’ he recalled your yelp when he had tried to turn on the light.

‘I merge with the dark, and so when new light sources interfere… it’s not pretty.’

Logan simply nodded as he took the last swig of his beer.

For a moment, the two of you stood there in silence, you leaning against the counter and he against the large table.

‘You’re doing it again, Bub.’ He smirked, calling out your lost stare.

‘Sorry,’ you hadn’t even realised you were doing it. You had just been looking around the room and may have, perhaps, accidentally lingered a look at his frame for a few seconds. And then you caught sight of his hands. More specifically, his knuckles. There was a faint pink glow on the skin, but besides that, you would never be able to tell that deadly claws could grow out from there. You blinked. ‘Sorry.’ You were doing it again. Quickly, you drank the rest of your beer. The bitter taste lingered in your throat, suffocating the burning questions that you wanted to ask.

‘Spill it out.’ He hit you by surprise with the command.

‘Uh–what?’

You knew there were plenty of mindreaders around, but you had not thought it was one of Logan’s abilities. ‘How did you–’

‘It’s all in your face, sweetheart. You think just ‘cause you’re quiet, you’re hard to read, don’t you.’ His assumption left you a bit stunned. It wasn’t that you had thought exactly that, but more so that you never considered that you were making any expressions that were that easy to interpret, as you never really had anyone pay that much attention to you to point it out.

‘If you want to say something, just say it.’ Logan said the corner of his lips lifted in a small smile. ‘If you’re wondering if it hurts,’ he looked down at his knuckles, ‘it hurts just as any other one-foot-long knife cutting through skin.’

‘That’s awful.’ You gasped, considering what it must be like to have such a mutation that inadvertently harmed you any time you used it.

‘You get used to it after a while.’

Another round of silence. This time, the longer it went on, the more you started thinking how you must be inconveniencing him. With the beers drank, there was little for you both to still be doing here, but also didn’t want to be rude by just up and leaving. After all, you didn’t know Logan very well.

‘You sure you’re alright?’ He asked, coming out from behind the table.

‘Yeah.’ You tried to smile but could tell it probably did not reach your eyes. Logan moved with a sense of apprehension, unsure of how to approach you. Being a year on the road, not to mention the years of solitude before he had joined the Professor’s team, had not exactly prepared him for these kinds of situations. He didn’t know the right things to do or to say. But to you, just his presence was enough. Just him being there, talking, or in this case, just seeing you, was more than you could have asked for. ‘I’m good.’

And yet, ironically, though you had actually meant it for once, you really did feel alright, but something about the situation caused tears to prickle in the corners of your eyes. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation that made you overly sensitive. Or the alcohol.

You blinked the tears away and smiled awkwardly. ‘It’s just been a long day.’ or week. Month. Year. How about your entire life?

‘Yeah, tell me about it.’ There was that quirk in his lip again, that ghost of a smile. And you couldn’t figure out if his response was just a sarcastic quip, understandably referring to his past days, which you were sure did not consist of a walk in the park. Or did he actually mean it, and he did want you to tell him more? Well, your moment of contemplation brought on another wave of silence, and the heavier it fell, the worse you felt to go back to your problems.

The sudden sound of footsteps pulled you back into your world. People must be slowly waking up; meanwhile, you hadn’t had an hour of sleep yet, and the effect of that started to hit.

‘I should— should probably go.’ You muttered, taking small steps in the direction of the door.

‘Well, the offer always stands.’ Logan followed you with his eyes, turning in his spot as you passed by him. See you around, Nightshade.’

‘What?’ the nickname caught you off-guard, stopping you in your tracks.

‘Sorry,’ Logan winced, ‘I don’t know—’ that’s what he gets for trying to be cute.

‘No, don’t apologise. I like it.’ Your smile finally found its full form. A “thank you” almost slipped past it, but you held yourself back. It felt too cheesy to get all sentimental about something as silly as a nickname. Especially since he didn’t know what it meant for you. He didn’t need to know didn’t think you’d ever belong amongst these people enough to get a moniker.

And maybe it didn’t mean anything at all, maybe he had just said it as a mindless comment on your powers. Or maybe not. Maybe he had really tried hard to put that smile on your face.

You would never know.

Unless you took that one small step. Because, of course, all you had to do was ask, just like he had told you, but maybe another time. For now, you just bid him farewell, hoping for that next opportunity to certainly come sooner than later.

the end.

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