#my favorite little blub blub

[drkmgs]

I'll come back, I promise.

Jenna Ortega x Reader

Warning: fluffy, angst, war

story type: part 2 of Homecoming

Well, hello, it's been a while... I decided to stick with Reader and not turn it into an OC... but the last name of the reader remains as Ashford. I do not know how the military works, so I'm writing this based on tv-series and movies I've seen.

Also, I did say I'm going to hurt you all.

It was entertaining to watch Jenna react to when you showed her the number of business cards you got that night. She didn't burn them, but she did shake her head at how this industry worked. Now that you are literally jobless, it was the perfect timing to check off one of many activities you wrote down to make up for the lost quality time over six years.

Well, escorting her to an award show already happened, so you checked that off. The next one would be a simple date. You smiled to yourself. You already have something in your mind—a candle lit dinner at her favorite restaurant—but that was such a cliché thing to do, and you want something she wouldn't easily forget.

Both of you are currently in New York for the Met Gala. Well, she is there for the Met Gala, and you just tagged along, planning the simple date you wanted to give her. While she was getting ready in the other room, you were on the bed with your laptop searching for a place to set up the candle lit dinner. You have contacted several places but they unfortunately can't do these kind of event last minute. You were losing hope.

You sighed, sliding your laptop on the bed, with a pulsing head. You carried yourself by the door to take a peek at what Jenna looked like. She looked breathtaking with that suit-dress created for her. You could stare at her all day long without getting tired.

"You're staring." You snapped out of your trance and looked up at the smirking Jenna Ortega. "Caught me red-handed." You put your hands up as if you're surrendering to law enforcements and went up behind her. "You look gorgeous, my love." You met her gaze through the mirror, and with that compliment, you received a shy smile from her.

"I wish you could be my date tonight." You have her a timid smile and reach out to her, rubbing along her arms. "It's fine. I'll be okay here. You go have fun and show them this outfit. You'll blow them away." She sighed. You put on a smile, seeing her relax and stop worrying about you all alone in this hotel room, which made a blub light up in your head.

"You're a genius." You kissed her head and immediately took the hotel phone, talking in a hushed voice. When everything was set and the hotel agreed with your arrangement, you went back to Jenna with a big smile. "What got you smiling like that?" Jenna side-eye's you. She's getting her lips done. You shrugged at her and continued to admire her beauty. You can't wait to spend all of your time with this woman.

—

Once she was done and it was almost time for her to go on the red carpet, she gave you one last kiss and wave you goodbye. You then got ready all the supplies for the surprise. Setting the table in the middle of the hotel living room, decorating the surroundings with balloons and rose petals. Once you are finished with all of the decorations, you moved on to getting ready yourself.

For entertainment purposes, you turned on the TV and listened to the news. At some point in your grooming, you heard something about where you last stationed. It was now full out on war. There was a slight worry in you that you might get called back, but you gave it a little bit of a doubt. You turned off the TV and focused on your grooming part.

It was almost time for Jenna to come back. You already called the kitchen, giving them instructions when to bring the food up. As you wait for Jenna, you can't help it but feel anxious about what you heard on the television. It started to make your leg nervously shake, but then there was a knock on your door. You immediately stood up from the couch and headed towards the door.

"Hi." Jenna greeted you as soon as you opened the door. "Hi," you say back and stepped aside so she could enter the room. "Oh my god. Y/N, this is wonderful." Jenna couldn't describe what she was feeling. Everything was so perfect. From the decor to your outfit. You closed the door and walked up behind her. You gently turned her around to face you. "I know, I have been lacking due to my profession, and now that I'm retired. I want to make it up to you. From simple dates to just be there for you."

You pulled out a ring attached to a necklace. Jenna's eyes widened full with panic. You immediately reassure her. "Don't panic. I'm not proposing. Yet. This is a promise ring, and I know that you can't wear this on your finger because of noisy people. So, I thought putting it in a necklace where you can wear it under your shirts." You opened the clasp, and Jenna immediately turned around, so you could put it on her.

You moved in front of her to see the necklace around her neck. "Y/N, this is so pretty. Thank you." She was on her tippy toes and kissed your lips, which made you smile like an idiot. "You're welcome, my love." You settle both of your hands on her waist and lean your forehead against hers.

The hotel staff didn't let you down and delivered your food like how you instructed them. This was heaven. Jenna's unending smile and laughter. Her shining aura. You couldn't get enough of it, but that little moment of yours got interrupted when your cellphone started to ring. You stood up and reached for your phone. When you saw who was calling, you excused yourself and went out into the balcony. While on the phone call, the sound of a helicopter was approaching, and soon, everyone in the hotel could see it, flying above the hotel.

You ended the call and rushed inside. "Jen. I have no time to explain. I'm sorry. I have to go. I promise. I'll come back." You took her face in both of your hands and kissed her hard. You hugged her for the last time. "I have to go," you whisper, and she whines. "Come up with me to the helicopter landing." You guide her out the room towards the emergency stairs up. Reaching the top, the hotel manager was already there holding the door open.

"Could you escort her back to the room as soon as I'm gone?" You asked the manager, which you received a nod. "You go with him, okay? Jenna. I love you. I'll come back, I promise." With that, you kissed her on the forehead and let go of her hand. You ran towards the helicopter, slid the door open, and waved at her before entering the helicopter. You threw Jenna one last look before the hotel disappeared from your view.

—

As soon as you landed at the headquarters, your team was already waiting for you in the conference room with the Lieutenant General. You don't even know how long the briefing was, but as soon as it was finished, you found yourself getting ready for a war.

Soon, you were giving signals to your team to retreat and get on the helicopter. Everyone is covering for each other. As the captain of the team, you want them on that aircraft as soon as possible. Three of them managed to get on the helicopter. Now it's you and your sergeant left on the battlefield. You see your sergeant get shot. You hurriedly take cover for them and assess their wound. As you cover for them, you also get shot, and everything went black.

The others on the helicopter witnessed a big explosion when the aircraft maneuvered away from the location. Buildings crashing, balzing fire everywhere, and gun shots are heard from a far. All of them are convinced none of you survived that.

[prettyinpwn]

What is your least favorite episode?

Hm, I usually pick either The Love God or Roadside Attraction. The Love God was just meh to me (minus Stan's lovely/horrifying balloon) and Roadside Attraction belonged earlier in Season 2. Season 2 is so amazing at times, but I feel like it contains both the show's highest highs and lowest lows. To give it credit, though, neither TLG or RA are bad per se - no GF episode is, imo - but they're just so meh compared to the others.

Poor Season 2. To be fair to Season 2, I'll also say my least favorite Season 1 episode as well (and it might be an unpopular opinion): Irrational Treasure. It's... okay, I guess? I like how it touches on the town's history, the Northwest's history of deceit, and I love the idea that the government had been watching the town, but they never really did anything with that guy in the white shirt who ordered Blubs and Durland around.

Like... what happened to background character dude?

Because would the government really just post one guy to make sure that Trembley's truth never came out? Would citizens really be that alarmed about a secret president from over a century beforehand? And would the government actually care that much about what it might do to the Northwest's reputation; like, they're rich, but... they're just the rich folks of one small little town. It just doesn't make much sense to me, imo. And Trembley is funny but... just meh. Not really impactful.

I feel like they could have done more with that plot thread; hint at how the government was already watching for signals from the portal again after thirty years in Season 1 (but be vague of course since at that time the viewer doesn't know about the portal yet), and add something about how how weird the town is makes the government keep a really close eye on nothing leaking out about what a supernatural hotspot it is. Have white shirt dude be the overseer of the Gravity Falls project; like Agent Powers and Trigger's boss.

(Psst... here's my bonus personal crack headcanon you didn't ask for:

I think it'd be hilarious if white shirt guy was Dipper and Mabel's father/Shermie's son. He looks the right age and like a Pines. The hair color/texture, large nose, the cleft chin like Ford's. Although, no Pines hair floof on the back, but the headphones could be obscuring it. I know they said their dad worked in computers, but this guy looks like he uses a lot of tech and could have a job so top secret that he has to tell his family "oh it's just IT for the government, guys, I swear").

[taylorswordsemporium]

Totally Happy and Calm

Yuri stares down at the foil-covered candy in her hand. After a generous friend of Sayori's went out shopping with the two of them, yesterday, she was gifted with some edible THC. Her favorite candy flavor, too! It's a bell-shaped peanut butter and chocolate piece. She's been nervous about taking it, since it was given to her. Being intoxicated is going to be a completely new experience. "Uuuu..."

Both Sayori and her friend assured Yuri that the dosage of the candy was very low. She can't argue, lacking knowledge of how any of this works. And she does trust Sayori, who agreed to stay sober and mind her while she undertakes this.

Yuri breathes in. Everything is fine. She takes in the scent of the lavender incense that's already burning on her nightstand. Let it flow over you and calm you...

The purple-haired woman examines the candy in her palm. Huh, there's a label sealing the foil. "15g Tetrahydrocannabinol, 15g CBD... Oh, so it's even smaller of a dose than we thought?" Why did they only spell out the full term for THC on the label...?

"Well, that's perfect! You want a low dose for your first time, and the CBD's gonna help you get relaxed." Sayori steps out of the bathroom, smiling. "And I'll be here to keep an eye on you, okay? No worries."

...No time like the present, then. Yuri unwraps the candy as methodically as she can, and pops it into her mouth. She crunches down on it and hums a bit at the taste. She was expecting it to be a little earthy, but it just tastes like sweet peanut butter and chocolate. Yum~ She happily swallows the candy and sits back on her bed. It's time to wait for things to feel different.

"...It's probably best that we don't go out, while I'm waiting for feelings of intoxication to kick in. Should we order lunch?"

"Don't even worry about it, I'm getting us some burgers off of a delivery app. You just sit there and get comfy, and I'll take care of you." Sayori steps over to Yuri and gives her a gentle hug, which the purple woman is eager to return.

"Can we turn on the aquarium stream, now?" Yuri gently wiggles free of Sayori's hug, giving the girl a small smile.

Sayori nods, turning about to set their TV up for the duration of the rest of the evening. "Fishies coming up, Yuri-flurry~!"

With some swift key presses, the fish appear on the big screen across the room. Sayori takes a seat on Yuri's bed, right at her side, and begins ordering their food. "You said you wanted to see what a 'sauna' feels like, when we were talking about today's plans, right? And you were gonna steam yourself in the bathroom, for it?"

"Correct. I want to experience being so warm, while my perception is altered."

Yuri cuddles up with Sayori and a plush shark, happy as a clam. Fish are so fascinating~ They just dart around the water, doing fishy business and spinning all around and going blub blub...~ And this stream even has a basking shark! How cool!

The two women are equally mesmerized by the fish. They calmly enjoy the rainbow of fishy colors and the blue water they fill. Yuri breathes deeply and slowly, trying to settle her nerves about the effects of the drugs. Even if she knows it takes about an hour, that little warning alarm in the back of her head won't stop sounding. Plus, both Yuri and Sayori are getting lost in this stream of fish. It could easily have been nearly that long, by now.

A ring of the doorbell signals the two women that their lunch has finally arrived. Yuri stands up to go and check the door and suddenly feels a strange pop in her skull. "Eh? U-um. I... I think I just felt something in my brain...? Sayori, can you get the food?"

The woman sits back down on the bed, quite confused. THC goes pop, apparently? Or was that her C1 vertebra clicking? She shouldn't be hearing that, should she? Yuri puts a hand on the side of her head as she tries to take stock of herself.

...Is she starting to feel a little dizzy? The siren in the base of her skull begins to quiet. This... Feels pretty nice? Yuri lays back on her bed as Sayori climbs out of it. She may have said something to Yuri about getting cozy...? Yuri is a bit too deep in her introspection to catch it clearly.

Does her bed feel comfier? Something feels... Extra fuzzy? Is the lavender burning harder? It suddenly has a much stronger smell. Yuri looks over to the incense burner.

The violet porcelain structure seems to be operating as normal. White rivers of smoke flow down through the leaf and petal-like protrusions in the dish, dispersing the relaxing scent. Hehe, rivers, like fish swim in~

Yuri turns her head back upward. Yeah, everything's fine. She smiles, carefully adjusting her pillows and position to get back to the fish stream. Uhuhuhu, streams are another thing fish swim in~!

Sayori returns to the bedroom with a bag of fast food held carefully in her hands. She gives Yuri a cautious glance, before her lips twist into a smug grin. "You're absolutely feeling it, now, aren't you?"

"...Huh? Do I look different? I guess I feel... Looser?" Yuri looks down at her hands, flexing her fingers and rolling them back and forth. Maybe she feels a little distorted, but surely she isn't giving off so many signs?

Oh god damn it, I'm stoned and I'm staring at my hands, of course she can tell. Yuri puffs her lips in frustration at becoming something of a stereotype so fast. She looks back up at Sayori. "...Never mind. I'm feeling it."

"Mhm~ And I've got the food, if you feel munchy!" Sayori opens the bag up and pulls out some chicken nuggets. Those are probably for her only, given that she did say "burgers" earlier. Yuri thinks she remembers burgers, anyway.

The scent of greasy meat flows from the bag as Sayori sits back down next to Yuri. The taller woman is immediately captivated. Her stomach growls and she looks at the bag. It takes a bit of focus, but she keeps her mouth closed and stops herself from drooling. "Mmmph... I'll... I'll take the burger, now, actually."

"Coming up~" Sayori fishes a foil-wrapped sandwich out of the bag and hands it over to Yuri. Yuri has to bite her lip as the delicious smell overwhelms her. It's so good.

Yuri starts tearing the foil apart as fast as she can. Once the double cheeseburger is about half exposed she starts taking ravenous bites out of it. Why am I so fucking hungry, all of a sudden? What's-? Oh my fucking god this is the most delicious sandwich I've ever had. She stifles a moan as best she can, with her mouth processing several bites of sandwich too many. It is less than successful.

Sayori's giggling at Yuri from just a few inches away, but she doesn't care. This is amazing! Shockingly fast, the burger is completely devoured, and Yuri slowly wiggles closer to Sayori. She starts idly feeling the fabric of her girlfriend's shirt between her fingers.

"I got you some cheese fries, too~"

"...Sayori you're an angel..." Yuri shuffles her arms around the woman to give her a tight squeeze. She buries her face in Sayori's neck, wondering what wondrous scents she might find... Hm, vanilla!

"Aw, I'm not, I just love you~" Sayori runs her fingers through Yuri's hair. Yuri wiggles her legs slightly at the sensation. Wonderful~

"Fries, please...? Then can you go start the shower? I don't... know if I can walk right, yet?" Yuri slowly sits up, keeping her back pressed flush against her headboard so she can check on her balance. And eat the cheese fries!

"Your wish is my command!" Sayori carefully places the plastic box of potatoes and cheese in Yuri's lap. She kisses her cheek and hops out of bed. "Hm, hm, steamy shower for Yuri!"

"Thank you, so much, Sayo~" Yuri opens the fries up and starts absolutely destroying them. Why are carbs and dairy such a beautiful combination? My tongue is setting all the wires in my brain off...

With the bathroom so close, it's easy to hear Sayori preparing the room for Yuri's steam session. The shuffle of curtains and the sudden rush of water are familiar sounds, somehow just more intense and recognizable to Yuri's ears.

Once she realizes her fries are gone, she begins to slowly stand up. Yuri keeps one hand on her bed as she carefully brings herself to her full height. Balance? Balance is... Fine? The dizziness doesn't seem to be impairing her ability to move?

Still, it's best to be careful. Yuri gathers her phone from the nightstand and takes a deep breath of the lavender incense. She also grabs her shark plush. He'll like the steamy bathroom~! Yuri starts slowly, carefully, shuffling to the bathroom with all of her needed items in hand.

"Okay, Yuri, are you read-? Oh, hi. I didn't think you'd get up, so soon!" Sayori greets Yuri at the doorway to the bathroom. "Oh, and you brought Cottonmouth! Hiya, Cottonmouth. Keep Yuri comfy and safe, okay?"

"He will~ Thank you so much for getting the shower going." Yuri slowly bends down to kiss Sayori's forehead. "I'm going to close the door, so the steam stays in. But the door is going to stay unlocked, in case you need to come in. Because you're keeping me safe, just like he is~"

Sayori blushes and giggles. "I hope I can live up to his standard!"

"You're doing fantastically, dear." Yuri takes some methodical shuffles away from and past Sayori. She winks as she closes the door.

And now it's time to truly relax. Yuri may miss the scent of lavender as she steps into the steam-filling room, but the sensation of warmth is just as pleasant. She scoots over to the running shower and sits at its side. Nice and cozy, leaning against the cool wall and otherwise being steamed. Yuri idly strokes her shark friend. Her phone is here in case of an emergency, but maybe...

Yuri giggles as she tries to position herself and Cottonmouth in a selfie for the other girls. They may as well be kept in the loop about her mental state. Which is currently loopy and wobbly!

Oh, hell, my vocabulary is completely gone. I'll text them later.

She winces and blinks, as she moves the phone out of her view. Something about the screen is extra intense, right now. Not helpful, when she's trying to relax. Yuri locks the device and sets it down on the floor. For now, it's cuddle time! She holds her shark tight, and leans a bit closer to the running shower.

The rhythmic pounding of water against the tub, the sensation of hot steam flowing over her, the softness of her plushie... It all combines into a sensory orchestra of comfort. Utter relaxation overcomes Yuri and she drifts off to sleep.

Hopefully next time she can properly cuddle Sayori, while her brain is all fuzzy. That way Yuri will really be able to take in all of her... And maybe a scented wax melter, or a bath bomb.

[espighty]

Hello! Your art and writing is wonderful. I would like some advice. I have bought some pens that are used for art, and I am wondering on how should I start using them, or to muster the courage to. Do you have any tips or advice?

Also, why Kallamar? What does your Lamb's eldritch form looks like?

Have a good week coming your way. Eat your fruits and vegetables daily.

I have one bit of advice for doing traditional art. Take pictures of every stage. You WILL occasionally mess up while lining or coloring, and it will be absolutely heartbreaking. But if you still have pictures of the sketch or the lining, that means you still have something left to post or share! It helps a lot with motivation. I had to do it in my last art post, which is why stuff is mismatched. I felt like the last two panels lost a lot of emotion and detail when I lined them, but since I had the pictures of the sketches, I still got to post it and it made me happy.

Why Kallamar. Well, two reasons. Number one, I get way more attached to guy characters who are more open with ‘unmanly’ emotions. Like Kazuichi, or Taka. 2012 Donnie maybe also counts? (At the very least he is portrayed as more anxious and far softer than his brothers, so he stuck out to me.) So with Kall being portrayed the way he is in game, he also stuck out a lot. It’s a fun subversion too. Second reason? His voice. The little squid blubs made my heart grow 3 sizes like the Grinch. So as soon as I heard him I was like “this is my favorite guy. I can’t wait to kill him.”.

Uhhh Lamb eldrich form, I don’t really think about it much. Other people have very good ideas about it, and I would just go with those ones in my head.

Thank you for the compliments. I had spinach yesterday. :)

[hannie-dul-set]

NOOOOOOO JAY IS SUCH A FREAKING CUTIE OH LORD

ok i admit defeat jay is the #1 least bitchless (FOR NOW im waiting for that jake chapter) hes a little stupid but he’s got it in him !!

also he gets bonus points bc i fucking love jellyfish. actually i am a jellyfish fr like blub blub blub

+ the hairball imagery metaphor thingy was so fire ! AND THE FACT HE JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED FOR WHO HE IS AND HE CANT GET IT FROM ALL THE OTHER GIRLIES HE’S SEEING 😭😭😭😭 tears in my eyes he’s literally my silly little guy

jay our favorite little weirdo!!!!!

also i have no fucking idea where the hairball imagery came from 😭😭 personally i believe it's so dumb and out of left field but somehow??? fits???? bcs it's jay and god knows what silly little thoughts come in and out of his head HAHAHAHAH.

[ordinaryschmuck]

I'm sorry, I watched this nine or ten times, but I can't help it. It's just SO good. Like, I love literally EVERYTHING about this.

Like, it starts and you KNOW there's going to be a punchline. That's how these karaoke animatics work, making you think you're just going to be watching these characters sing, only for someone else to burst in with an off-pitch voice or singing a completely irrelevant. And let me tell you...the punchline to this one hits you SQUARE in the solar plexus, using a character that definitely comes as a surprise but is one that makes SUPER sense given the context.

And I don't know WHERE the audio came for the Multi-Bear, but while it sounds NOTHING like him, it's still perfect. Like, that's exactly how I imagine a multi-headed bear singing karaoke would sound like.

And he's allowed to get into it! The way he looks like he's singing with a passion and dancing like no one else is watching is equal parts hilarious and kind of wholesome. Like, YEAH! Sing it, you beautiful freak of nature!

Everyone's reactions are also the best. Pacifica's face SCREAMS as someone not entirely sure what the hell she's looking at. The background filled with Gravity Falls' townsfolk looking surprised but gleeful at this wonderful display, especially aged-up Candy and Grenda who are a pleasant surprise. The Stans get the best reactions, both being shocked in different ways as Ford's more perplexed while Stan's more confused and kind of concerned. But my favorite's Soos, who's just happy as a clam as he holds up his boy (His precious baby boy!), who looks astonished while his father dances around with him.

Speaking of dancing, that shot of Mabel dancing along with the Multi-Bear while Dipper belts his lungs out into the microphone is amazing. It gives us a full shot of Mabel's outfit, and I just LOVE the idea of Mabel still dressing loudly and proudly, all while being super giddy over dancing with some bizarre creature, even if she's twenty-five and supposed to be more "mature" now. Maturity isn't going to kill that weird girl's spirit, I'll tell you that much. And it's great that Dipper's outfit is more or less casual, because even though it's his twenty-fifth birthday, he wouldn't dress up as much as Mabel. And seeing him get so lost in the music that he doesn't even care that the Multi-Bear just lifts him up as he sings.

Then we cut to the dance floor, showing Blubs and Durling's cuddling as they dance along, almost matching Mabel and Mutli-Bear's movements. It's wholesome and feels all kinds of right.

And of course Pacifica's little smile as she watches and accepts the weirdness as her boyfriend has a great time...Or girlfriend--Honestly,, I don't know what ship this artist helms, but regardless if you ship Pacifica with Dipper or Mabel, it's still a sweet smile. And I love that it works no matter who you think she's smiling at.

All in all, this is a work of ART that genuinely seems like something that Alex Hirsch himself would make into reality. The only thing missing is a Wendy, but everything else is still PERFECT. I ADORE it.

What went down at the Mystery Twins’ 25th birthday party 🌈💖✨

[oceantrust01]

70 Funny Ocean Jokes And Puns That Will Make You Laugh

So, laughter is the best medicine huh? It might be the mother of all cliches, but it is SO true! So few things in life are better for your mental and physical health than a hearty guffaw. You know what makes it better? When you share an inside joke with someone that simply GETS IT, especially when you have something in common like a passion for the ocean. Whether you’re a scuba diver, sailor, or simply have a deep love for the sea, we all have a shared love!  Well, these ocean jokes and puns sent us into the giggles, and we hope that they will do the same to you! To start with, here’s an oldie but a goodie.  My seafood diet is going great—I see food, and I eat it!!  1. Ocean and Fishy Jokes and Puns 🐠 🐟 - Keep your friends close and your anemones closer!  - Sorry, I can't work today. I’m a little tide down at the moment. - Buoy oh buoy, what a wonderful day! - What’s a shark’s favorite game? Swallow the leader!  - Why did the crab never share its snacks? Because it was a little shellfish! - Where do fish go when they’re bankrupt? To the loan shark. - What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved! - Why are fish so good at playing piano? Because they have great scales! - How do you stop the ocean from leaking? Use a seal - Why are fish so smart? Because they're always in schools!  - How do you make an octopus laugh?  With ten-tickles! - I was going to tell you a joke about the sea floor, but it's too deep. - What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships - Why does it take so long for a pirate to learn the alphabet? Because they spend so long at C - What is the best way to talk to a fish? Drop him a line - Ever wonder why fish always know their weight? They’ve got their own ‘scale’! - Need the latest gossip? Dive into the ocean’s ‘current’ news! - “Ever wondered what happens when a fish meets an elephant? Swimming trunks!” - Let minnow when we’re going to the beach. - Hold on, I’m getting a bit em-ocean-al. - What did the shark say to the whale? “What are you blubbering about?” - What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck! - What is a blue whale’s favorite James Bond movie? License to Krill. - What did the letter B say in the summertime? “I do love to be beside the C.” - Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom! - What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! - How do shellfish get to the hospital? In a clambulance! - What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite! - What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! - How do oysters call their friends? On their shell phones! - Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels! - What kind of music do killer whales listen to? Orca-stra! - Why did the mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells! - What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. - Why did the shark spit out the clownfish? Because it tasted funny! - What do fish take to stay healthy? Vitamin sea! - How do mermaids clean their clothes? With Tide! - What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? "I feel a little blue." - What do you call a fish who loves to play guitar? Bass! - What did the dolphin say when it made a mistake? "I blubbered it!" - How does the ocean say hello? It waves! - What’s a sea creature’s favorite instrument? The bass guitar! - Why don’t sharks like fast food? Because they can’t catch it! - Why are fish never good tennis players? Because they never get close to the net! - What did the magician say to the fisherman? "Pick a cod, any cod." - What do you get when you cross a fish and a bird? A flying fish! - What does a seaweed say when it's stuck? "Kelp me!" - What do you get when you cross a shark and a cow? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want to milk it! - What do you get when you cross a fish and a banker? A loan shark! - What kind of fish goes well with peanut butter? Jellyfish! - What’s a whale’s favorite candy? Blubber gum! - What did the beach say when the tide came in? Long time, no sea! - How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed! - Why do fish always sing off key? Because you can’t tuna fish! - What do you call a lazy crayfish? A slobster! - What’s a whale’s favorite TV show? Whale of Fortune! - Why did the fish go to jail? Because it was caught hook, line, and sinker! - What do you call a fish with no scales? A smooth operator! - What’s a mermaid’s favorite subject in school? Algaebra! - Why are fish so good at business? Because they’re always making waves! - What do you get when you cross a fish and a librarian? A bookworm! - What’s a fish’s favorite game? Go Fish! - Why did the fish join the circus? Because it wanted to be a clownfish! - Why don’t fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish! - Why did the jellyfish attend therapy? Because it had too many stinging issues! - Why did the sun go to the beach? Because it wanted to catch some rays! - Why did the beachcomber bring a shovel to the beach? Because he wanted to “dig” the vibes! - I was going to make a joke about the sea, but then I realized it was too salty. - Why couldn’t the crab get a date? Because he was too shellfish. - Why was the clam so popular at parties? He was known for being the life of the shellebration! 2. Final Thoughts 🦈 🌴 We hope you’ve enjoyed all these funnies and some had you in stitches. We “shore” were! Urgh, that was so bad it had to be good.  Keep laughing, and happy diving!  Read the full article

[maybe-thou-shalt-find-valimar]

✨️Put 5 songs you listen to, post it, then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers :) 🎶

you have no clue what you just did

7 by Arctic Monkeys (best fucking song literally omg i fucking love 7)

Two Hearts in Two Weeks by The Last Shadow Puppets (completely different from the rest of tlsp's discography but literally fucking immaculate like !!!!!!!!)

Woman's Touch by Miles Kane (losing my fucking mind. oh my god. why am i so simultaneously sapphic singing about this perfect woman but also so insanely attracted to miles kane i am bi panic what the fuck this is actually the best song ever)

Reckless Serenade by Arctic Monkeys (basically the same as above. also the bassline makes me wanna kiss the arctic monkeys bassist nick o'malley sloppy style [i mean i already wanted to do that but come on])

Catapult by Arctic Monkeys (Both sides In softly came the growl from both sides And if his whisper splits the mist Just think of what he's capable of with his kiss Nice try You cannot turn away, but nice try Turned your legs to little building blocks And with his index finger, flicks you on your socks I go high-pitched He'll talk and make your voice sound high-pitched Dread to think if he got you on your own And whispered in your ear in that baritone It's the same stone His heart was cut out of the same stone That they used to carve his jaw It's impossible not to feel inferior And he could catapult you back to your daddy Or into any hissing misery And he will tell you how the day after a triumph Is as hollow as the day after a tragedy He'll extinguish any chance of escape When he slaps you on your arse or kisses your nape And he's leaving without saying bye And you will queue up to listen to him pissing And hang around to watch some poor girl blub And then they chase him down the avenue Incessantly pestering him to let him join the club He knows how to put a cork in the fuss And just how to shut up the charming ones of us And I've seen him talking to your lady friend There's a dust track waiting for betrayal Where he'll teach you all the bits they missed Nice try You cannot turn away, but nice try Nice try You cannot turn away, but nice try Nice try You cannot turn away, but nice try Nice try You cannot turn away, but nice try You cannot turn away)

[huntingrays]

lizzie: we need to discuss something

scott: take the cod head off, this is important

jimmy: anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of my cod head

[squidlover]

Fish bods

[xxblackgardenxx]

LAITO APPRECIATION WEEK 2022 DAY 1

Five Thing's I Like About Laito:

As it is the thing that made me fall in love with him first, I would say his humor. Even when I hated his guts, he always made me laugh. Opening up with calling Yui "Bitch-Chan" took me by suspired and all I could do was laugh, like who does that?(He was my fav from that moment, until he fucked it up). Adding to this, his dub is like the cherry on top. His just fucking sarcastic I love it.

His complex personality. The fact that you can look so deep into his personality is such a cool and interesting thing, and such good writing. Saying this as well, the unknowing if you looking too deep into his words, and he means what he says is such a ride that I haven't had with another character before.

How scary he is. Now, that might sounds weird to say but, the switch of character he does he just so cool and gives me the chills every time. Adding to this, it hits you with reality and gives you peep into his true self in a way. This dude is far from happy go lucky and his dark undertones really come to light in that split moment his voice drops.

How smart this bitch is. I like smart men, what can I say? But I was- I wouldn't say surprised, it made sense he was smart, I was more like "Oh? So he is smart". He is two steps ahead of you and I love it, not so much when he is messing with my head but I still am impressed either way lol. His smartness came to light to me when I got into the CD's and it was like a light blub moment(pun not intended) to understanding him more.

His little drops of kindness. I know I just said how scary and how much of a manipulator he is, but hear me out. There are times in the games, CD's that make me go "Wow, he isn't all that bad". He remembered Yui's birthday, there is this time in Shuu's Dark Fate route he helps Yui destress by getting her mind off what's going on, by bring up how Shuu was as a kid. He looked after his brothers when they was younger. He was so selfless, not wanting to bring them into the mess that he hurt himself. Laito gives off such big brother energy that not a lot of people talk about. Look how he was towards Kanato in the Young Blood manga, always looking out for him.

There are my five things. I hope you enjoy reading them @everything-laito and @novampirebrainrot

Thank you for allowing me to talk about one of my favorite characters.

[tokillamockingbird427]

I'm headcanoning their favorite animals and what animals match their vibes the best.

Rorke

Favorite: He pretends not to like anything, because he's "cool" tm, but this motherfucker loves horses. He is a horse boy.

Vibe: Poison dart frog. Like one of the blue ones. Small, but very potent. Deadly. Should have a caution sign taped to his terrarium.

Elias

Favorite: Might be a little out there, but butterflies. He likes the sort of symbolism they carry. You get close, look hard enough, they're ugly as sin. Backup to really appreciate them. Also, they were his wife's favorite. Since she loved them, he does too. To get really specific: The blue morpho.

Vibe: Elephant. Really strong and shit, kind of intimidating, but a gentle giant.

Hesh

Favorite: Riley. What? You asked his favorite animal, Riley is his favorite. If you meant species, you should have said that.

Vibe: Goldfish. People assume he's dumb, but he's actually pretty smart. Big boy in the right circumstances. Mildly invasive. Blub. Blub. Blub.

Logan

Favorite: He thinks wolves are so fucking cool. He doesn't care that they almost killed him, he fought a fucking wolf and won. That is such a massive ego boost.

Vibe: Lion. Fluffy and blonde. Sleeps a lot. can be very loud when he wants to be. Fucking adorable.

Merrick

Favorite: Dogs. He's been doing the "Dad Pat" and dogs since the ripe old age of 16. Really enjoys smaller dogs. Thinks weiner dogs are the stupidest and cutest things to exist.

Vibe: Grizzly bear. Besides the facial hair, he's big and strong. Heaven help you if you try to hurt his "cubs" because he will fucking destroy you and forget you within the next five minutes. People also forget he's omnivorous. Give him enough blueberries and he will die for you. Give him more, and he will kill for you.

Keegan

Favorite: Any shark, but his favorite is the goblin shark. Sue him. Sharks are so fucking cool, hey, you wanna hear some shark facts?!

Vibe: Black panther. Stealthy. Really good hunter. Also a big cutie if you're socialized with him. Very soft and cuddly. He just wants to nap in the sun. The "Ghost" of the forest. Hehe.

Ajax

Favorite: Sharks. Blame Keegan. His old favorite used to be dolphins, but Keegan ruined that for him by sharing too many facts. "Alex. Alex, why are you mad that dolphins suck? I "ruined" dolphins for you? Alex, dolphins have always been like that. Me telling you just erases your ignorance. Alex come back. We're not done hanging out, I have shark facts to share."

Vibe: Crow. Highly intelligent, likes to collect things, and if you are nice to him he will share the shiny things with you.

Kick

Favorite: Phoenix! What, you didn't say it had to be a real animal. He thinks the whole burning reincarnation thing is cool. He's also a big fucking nerd which is why he picked it.

Vibe: Hyena. People stereotype them as greasy scavengers and thieves, but they're remarkable hunters. Can and will bite you.

Neptune

Favorite: Whales. They think it's just amazing that an animal can be so large. They also like how majestic they are as an animal. And the noises are pretty cool. Click. Chirp. Whoop. People forget that they're carnivorous.

Vibe: House cat. Small. Purrs. Will nap near you if they feel safe with you. Hisses when people piss them off. Terrified of snakes.

And the Oc's, because I adore them.

Adonis

Favorite: T-Rex! The tyrant king of dinos! Hear my roar and cower!! Dead.

Vibe: Komodo dragon. Big boy. Very cool. Is a real threat so long as they want to be, so be careful. (Don't piss 'em off.)

Alvera

Favorite: She's partial to venomous snakes. Cobras she really enjoys. They look cool as fuck. Definitely not something to mess with.

Vibe: King cobra. Can and will fuck you up. Though shy and will avoid people if possible.

Sarah

Favorite: Cows. They're like big hooved dogs. And the calves are soooo cute. Did you know cows have best friends!? They even get stressed if separated from their bff.

Vibe: Deer. (Doe, a deer, a female deer~) A sort of elegant and mysterious thing of the forest. Very pretty. Will fuck you up despite any of the previously mentioned things.

Katar

Favorite: DRAGONS. You already know what they are, so he doesn't have to explain shit. You already know.

Vibe: Fox. Quick and clever. A little shit. Kind of smelly. People are trying to domesticate him with varying levels of success.

Claude

Favorite: Racoon. She didn't know what they were before, but now she does and they are the cutest little things. What do you mean I shouldn't feed them Angel? They're so cute. They deserve nice things. I don't like their hands though...

Vibe: Racoon. So fucking cute yet capable of so much mischief. Truly the best animal. Hands capable of crimes.

[doodlesofmyheart]

Worth Every Second

Kate x Yelena

WC: 414

Kate felt her body coming back from its sleep state, she tried rolling over, but the dead weight of another body held her down impeding her from doing so. Her eyes opened wide and scared, not daring to move her body she moved only her head slighting being met by a blub of blonde hair and little snores. She couldn’t help but smile, her favorite blonde laid there naked after a sleepless night, letting Kate see the cuts and bruises from her past in the red room and resent missions, the tranquility of the morning could be seen on her relaxed face and body language.

Kate didn’t waste time; her hand touched the pale skin of the once proclaimed Russian assassin making the smaller one shiver and open her green eyes. The blonde looked up at her fiancée smiling as she closed her eyes once more letting her body come closer in search of the usual warmth Kate always radiated

“Kate Bishop, stop staring. You know it’s not nice”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it”

Leaning down, she gave a chaste kiss on the blonde’s lips, but the smaller one had other plans, quickly intensifying the kiss, she pulled the taller girl to straddle her, kissing and biting her neck leaving little marks, more than the ones that were left the night before. Kate let out a moan; her mind going back to the previous night in which Yelena did not stop until good hours of the morning. Kate grabbed the blonde’s face in her hands making her look into her eyes

“We have to stop, or we are going to be late for the birthday brunch”

“Why do we have to go to that? We can have our own fun brunch here” her hand kept going down Kate’s abdomen “in our bed, no clothes. Just you and me, Bishop”

“It’s your sister’s birthday Lena. We have to go” The blacked haired one laughed at Yelena’s frustration face but closed the distance between their lips to encourage her to get up

Yelena’s hand reached Kate’s wet core who let out another moan grabbing the blonde’s face once again, her eyes looked at every single detail of her favorite’s persons face taking a mental picture like she did every day that she gets to spend with her.

“You better make it worth my while and lateness to my own sister-in-law’s birthday brunch”

“Oh” the smirk came out “I always make it worth your while”

[thejilyship]

if you’re still taking prompts, “you’re so clingy, i love it” for jily 🥰

Okay, so this stands on it’s own, but I wrote it into my ‘It’s Just Coffee’ Universe! 

So some details are different! This is a singledad!james fic, Harry’s birthday is around Lily’s birthday. James and Lily are in uni together, they met in their econ class and at this point in their story, they’ve been together for four and a half months. 

AO3 | Start from the beginning 

“You’re so clingy, I love it.” Lily said into Harry’s hair. He was draped across her front, as he had been for the last ten minutes or so, ever since James’ study group for one of his maths classes had arrived.

Normally, Harry a very sociable kid, who didn’t get nervous around new people, but there were quite a few people in this study group, and they were all in Harry’s house, and they were loud, and it was close to bed time. So Lily had taken him into his bedroom to get away from the noise. And so James could concentrate on maths.

Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and James had been stressing out since Tuesday because he wanted to put together something big and romantic for their first Valentine’s together, but he also had a very big exam, very early Monday morning, and his group could only meet today.

Lily, who was a romantic, had assured him that she understood, that she didn’t want him to worry about it, that they didn’t need to go out just because it was Valentine’s. She told him that they could celebrate the following weekend, when he was 150% less stressed without an exam to worry about, and when Sirius would be available to babysit Harry.

James had agreed, but Lily didn’t think it was guiltless.

She didn’t know how to explain to him that the calendar date really wasn’t important to her. Holding Harry against her chest, feeling his heartbeat synchronizing with hers, that was what was important. If she spent all of Valentine’s with Harry cuddling into her chest and holding onto her finger like he was just then, she would be perfectly happy.

Harry popped his head up when a particularly loud member of James’ study group yelled something, and he looked at Lily with wide green eyes. “We’re friends with Sirius, Harry. Loud people can’t bother us too much.” The little boy smiled at her. He had turned one only three days after Lily’s twenty first birthday, but she was pretty sure that he understood everything that she said.

“Siri!”

“Yeah, he’s loud. Much louder than your dad’s friends.”

“Da?”

“Yeah,” Lily nodded. “Remember when it was our birthday weekend and Uncle Sirius sand Let’s Go Swimming while standing on top of the table? That was loud. I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call to complain.”

“Blub blub!” Harry clapped at the mention of one of his favorite songs and Lily smiled at him.

“See, you remember. There’s no need to be worried about boys who are good at maths.”

Harry went on a long story after that, using his hands and many facial expressions and Lily listen very intently before he started laughing and then kissed her cheek with too much zealous. Then he was done sitting on her lap and went to go dump out all of his bins of toys. Lily picked up her homework that she’d set down when he’d first come over to cuddle, and started working again.

James’ study group was kicked out at exactly seven o’clock so that James would be able to do his normal nighttime routine with Harry.

Lily heard the front door shut and then James opened Harry’s door.

“I hate this class.” He said, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Da!” Harry clapped and started laughing as he bounced up and down.

“Harry!” James smiled at him, crouching down and opening his arms. Harry dropped the yellow car he’d been chewing on and started tottering toward James. Lily watched the two of them.

“You don’t hate this class, you hate working with others outside of class. You weren’t fond of it even when I was your partner.” She quirked a brow at him and he shook his head, turning Harry around to go back to his cars and then turning his attention to her.

“I did not hate having you as a partner.”

“No, you just hated coming over to my flat to help me with our project.”

James rolled his eyes and stood up so he could walk over to where Lily was seated in the rocking chair. “Thank you for watching him.”

“I told you to stop doing that.” Lily shook her head and looked back down at her notebook. Harry had brought her half a dozen puzzle pieces since he’d gotten down to play, and they were stacked on top of her unopened textbook.

“I know, but I’m not going to stop. I appreciate your help.”

Lily glanced over at him.

“I mean, I know that you’ve said many times that Harry is the main reason that you’re dating me-“

“I mean, you’re a good snog too.”

“Right, of course. But just because you enjoy spending time with him, doesn’t mean that I’m not thankful that you agree to help out.”

A lot of big feelings had been brewing in Lily’s heart for the last month or so, but she didn’t know how to voice them yet, so she offered James a smile. “You promised me on New Years that we were going to be together all year. And next year. Am I supposed to only date you when you have a babysitter?”

James ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, that would make things a bit more difficult. Seeing as how Sirius has been impossible these last couple of weeks.”

“He’s still upset that Harry said my name before his.”

“Probably.” James agreed. He leaned over and kissed the top of Lily’s head. “I’m gonna give the kid a bath and start the bedtime routine. Then we can have our date night in.”

“You almost didn’t sound disappointed when you said it that time!” Lily laughed. “I’ll clean up in here.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.” Lily nodded. “But I’m going to.”

James hummed but then walked to the dresser and got Harry’s pajamas. “Come on, buckling, let’s go for a scrub.” He held out his hand and Harry latched on quickly.

Lily watched them leave the room and then let out a heavy sigh. She’d only known them since the end of September. How was it possible that she hadn’t known either of them before September? That was only about five months ago.

Her life had irrevocably changed when she met them. They fit together in a way that Lily hadn’t been aware people could fit together. They’re friend all got along, Lily’s mum loved them both, James’ parents texted her nearly every other day, even Lily’s sister hadn’t been able to find anything mean to say about James or Harry. She’d been a bit mean about James being such a young, single father before she’d met him, but no one could see James with Harry and suggest that he wasn’t a completely wonderful father.

Lily put her homework aside and chewed on her lip as she went about cleaning the room.

Lily had always been enamored with kids, which was one of her main motivations for becoming a primary school teacher, but Harry was different. The love that she felt for him was different. It was bigger and it took over more of her brain than she had been prepared for.

She still lived with Mary technically. But she spent most of her time that she wasn’t in school, here. Half the time, Mary was here with her, and Sirius joked about how they had their own flat to hangout in, but Lily was starting to be more comfortable here.

She finished cleaning and then moved out to the living room to finish up her homework. She was writing down the last homework problem when Harry and James came out of the bathroom. Harry was wearing dinosaur pajamas that had spikes down his back and claws on the feet. They had been a birthday present from Remus.

“Those are so cute!”

“I already sent Remus half a dozen pictures.” James laughed, seeing that Lily was getting her phone out.

“Alright, but what about my mum?”

“Yep, she got some too.” James plopped Harry down on the end of the couch. “I’m gonna get his bottle.”

“Come here, little dino.” Lily closed up her textbook and put it on the coffee table just in time for Harry to tackle her in a hug. “You give the best hugs, buddy.” Lily took a big whiff of his freshly cleaned hair and squeezed him to her chest, causing him to giggle. Lily gave him plenty of kisses in quick succession to keep him giggling and then she as laughing too.

James came back with Harry’s bottle and scooped him up. “What are you two laughing at?” He asked, handing Harry his bottle and then sitting down nearly on top of Lily. She laughed again and traced her hand up his back and into his hair.

“He makes my heart full.” Lily said. “It overflows in laughter.”

James snorted. “You should write for hallmark.”

“I should.” Lily agreed, twisting James’ hair in her fingers and leaning against his shoulder.

“All I can see right now are numbers. My brain feels like mush.”

Lily hummed, pressing a kiss to James’ bicep. “Nothing a little post-bedtime snogging can’t cure.”

James laughed and turned his head to kiss her forehead. “That’s probably true.”

Harry never took long to put down, as he normally fell asleep with his bottle. James came back from laying him down, and immediately came back to the couch and cupped Lily’s face.

He kissed her sweetly, in that way he did when he had something he wanted to say. When he pulled back his eyes were bright. “I know that we’re not going to do Valentine’s how couples normally celebrate, but I did get you a present, and I want to give it to you tonight.”

Lily ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the corner of his smile. “I got you a present too.”

“I knew you were going to,” He shook his head. “You kept going on about how you don’t care about Valentine’s day-“

“I knew that you were going to get me a present! I couldn’t not get you anything!” Lily laughed.

“Yeah, well, I love you and I wasn’t going to ignore Valentine’s day!”

James hopped up from the couch and jogged into the kitchen. He pulled something from the top of the fridge, which was a pretty good hiding place since Lily couldn’t see up there. He climbed over the back of the couch and fell back into his spot beside her.

“Alright,” He said, holding out to her a purple bag the size of a book. She took it and appraised it’s weight. It was fairly heavy. Maybe it was a book.

She smiled at him and then reached in. The first three things she pulled out were candy bars, and they all had post-it notes stuck to them with candy heart phrases on them. James’ ears turned red while Lily red them all. Be mine, Only you and Soulmate. After the candy bars there were bags of gummy worms and gummy bears and Lily laughed as she kept pulling out all the candy.

She was buried in a small mountain of candy by the time she noticed the small box at the bottom of the bag.

Lily picked it up, it was a little bigger than her palm, and pretty thin. There was little chance of it being filled with more candy.

“And what’s this?” She asked, peeking up at him. At Christmas, she’s specifically forbade him from getting her any kind of jewelry. She set a spending limit and made him stick to it. She’d enforced the same rule for her birthday.

“Open it.” His ears were entirely red now. Lily smiled at him and then pulled the lid off the little box. To her relief, she wasn’t met with any kind of precious stone. It was a simple, gold locket.

She pulled it out of the box and glanced briefly at James before she opened it.

Inside was a very tiny, very cute picture of James and Harry. It was a picture that Lily had taken about a month ago, one that she said she was going to print out and show everyone so she could brag about how lucky she was. And James had put this picture that made her insides melt, into a locket for her.

She dropped the empty box back into the bag and then leaned forward on her knees to kiss him.

“You like it?” He said when she pulled back and swept her hair over her shoulder.

She held out the necklace to him and nodded. “I love it.”

He helped her with the clasp and then she jumped off the couch to go and fetch his present, which she’d hidden in the oven.

“We both hid them in the kitchen?” James laughed. “That could have been problematic.”

Lily smiled and came back with a red box that she had decorated with a large white bow. She handed it to James. “You’re going to make fun of me for being hallmark again, but I don’t care!”

James laughed as he pulled off the lid. “I won’t make fun of you.”

“You will.”

The first thing he pulled out of the box was a tin of cookies. They were all shaped as hearts, and similar to his gift, they had candy hearts phrases on them, but they were a bit more explicit than normal candy hearts. They said things like, I like your butt, and Shag me.

Under the tin was a photo album and Lily held her breath as he picked it up, setting the box aside so he could open it.

The first page was one of the very first picture she’d taken of Harry and James. It was after their second date and Harry had been laughing hysterically every time James ripped a piece of paper. Both of them were red in the face. Lily had taken thousands of pictures since she’d started dating James. And this album was a collection of her favorites. Next to each of the pictures, she’d written a little note about what was going on in the picture.

Lily waited for James to turn the page so she could see him react to a picture of Lily and Sirius, but he just kept looking down at the first picture.

“Do you like it?” She said, reaching out and putting a hand on his arm. “I figured I should do something nice with all the pictures I take.”

“I uh-“ He cleared his throat and Lily leaned down to try and get a better look at his face, but he kept his head down. “I love it.” His voice was strained.

“James?”

He looked up at her, his head tilted to the side. He was crying.

“Oh no!” Her hands fluttered about, not entire sure what to do. She’s not seen James cry before. “What’s wrong?”

“Absolutely nothing.” He laughed, reaching up and swiping at his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“Yeah you did,” James laughed again. “You can’t write things like this and-“

“That’s what I thought you’d make fun of me for!” She reached up and cupped his cheek.

“You wrote, ‘This is the moment I knew that I wanted you two to be my forever.’” James pointed at the caption on the first picture. “What part of that am I going to make fun of?”

“The very first one made you cry?” Lily pressed her lips together, trying not to smile. “Oh my goodness, James. I love you so much.” She leaned up to kiss him.

“I love you so much.” He repeated against her lips. “This is a very thoughtful present but I can’t read anymore of it right now.” Lily laughed as she nodded in agreement.

“No, I think we need to find something else to do.”

“Maybe some of that snogging we talked about earlier?”

“Maybe, but I was thinking we could eat all of this candy you got me.”

“Yes!” He agreed. “And the cookies.” She kissed him again and then shook her head as she sat back down.

“Maybe I really should work for Hallmark.”

James laughed and slung his arm around her. “I guess that’s what we’re watching then.” He handed her the remote and shoved a cookie in his mouth before resting his hand on top of the album.

He could make fun of her for being a sap all he wanted, but he loved it.

[90spumkin]

Needy

Summary: Spencer and Reader get into a heated argument that turns steamy.

A/N: The idea for this smutty blub came from the song Sex With Me by Tramp Stamps. Definitely recommend listening to it as you read.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Warnings: smut, angst, a lot of swearing, vaginal penetration, degradation, just a lot over anger and angry sex

Word Count: 698

“God y/n, you are so fucking needy!” Spencer was on the verge of screaming at you from across the apartment. He had his hands in his hair, pulling slightly in frustration.

A sinister laugh left me at that remark, “Oh I’m the one that’s needy? I’m pretty sure it was YOU texting ME yesterday telling me how much you needed me.” I didn’t yell, I stayed calm and that seemed to only infuriate him further.

“That doesn’t mean you text me while I’m at the office.” He argued back.

“Are you fucking serious right now? I was letting you know you left your fucking wallet at my place. Besides- “I smirked knowing what I said next would really piss him off, “- it’s not like your friends don’t know how much we’ve been hanging out, I mean fucking around.” He rolled his eyes. “Maybe if I told them that you cry in bed, you’d have a little respect for the pussy you get.” I said with a smirk.

He was across the room in a blink of an eye, his hand around my neck slamming me into the wall behind me. He had fire in his eyes, “You’re fucking insane.”

I smiled enjoying the fact that I had the power to bring this side of the genius out to play. I pushed him further, “I may be insane, but you love hearing me scream your name- calling you daddy- and you never complain when you’re inside me or when I’m down on my knees.”

His hand tightened around my neck just a little, his knee coming up to press against my core. “You know I really hate you.”, he said with venom dripping off every word he said.

I glanced down at where his knee was pressed against me, “I don’t think you hate all of me.” I giggled slightly and kissed his nose.

Spencer’s lips were against mine in a harsh dance of battle for dominance. He released my throat, but what he did next fueled my fury, “That was my favorite fucking shirt!” He took the shredded material and shoved it into my mouth. “Shut the fuck up!”

He pressed his growing hard on against me causing a muffled moan to leave me. He smirked, “Like I said, ‘fucking needy’.” I slapped him at that remark which caused a literal growl to live him. His mouth found its way to my neck nipping and sucking, his hands going under my thighs telling me to jump. Once my legs were around his waist, he was carrying me to the couch where he threw me down not so gently.

He removed his pants at lightening speed, and was pressing his length against me, teasing me by rubbing his tip against my clit that caused me to pant into the material still stuffed in my mouth. In one swift motion he lifted my skirt, moved my panties to the side, and thrusted into me with no warning. He laughed as I threw my head back at the feeling of how full he made me feel.

He was fucking me at a brutal, pleasurable pace. Tears of ecstasy started to fill my eyes. Spencer noticed this of course. He once again gripped my throat pulling me closer and whispered, “Who’s crying now?”

I moaned at his words and my pussy tightened around him which pulled a “Oh fuck” from Spencer. I said something incoherent causing Spencer to finally remove the shirt from my mouth, “Use your words, stupid.” His pace never slowed, and I began to meet his thrust and with an eye roll I repeated myself, “Are you going to cum first… again?”

This made Spencer grip my hips in one hand and use the other hand to rub circles against my clit. I couldn’t hold in the earth rattling scream and within seconds I was coming undone and Spencer wasn’t far behind. With one final thrust he came inside me, causing me to shake from the overstimulation.

He pulled out and left to get a towel to clean us both up. While he was cleaning the juices that were flowing out of me, he said, “Maybe we’re both needy.”

*

*

*

Tag list: @criminalmindzjunkie​ @brooklynxnicole​ @the-queen-of-moons​ 

[blubberingmess]

I wanna request a headcanon please! What would Dark!Bucky do when he's jealous??? 😱😱😱

you asked for it. This is really dark... I'm serious. Also, I'm sorry, I got out of hand. When it comes to Dark! stuff, I don't hold back.

I'm assuming this from the same universe as [Crazy]? If not, let me know.

WARNING: death, torture, really dark, this is sick, BLOODY STUFF, bunch of crazies, murder, short filthy smut! Unedited... Fluff.

He doesn't get jealous much because he knows you love him, your past and present actions proves it.

Also, you're too focused on him too noticed the other men around you.

So yeah, He's not the easily jealous type of lover, but when he do! It'll be messy, like, bloody kind of mess.

A person tries to flirt with you or call you names? Let's see if he can talk tomorrow without his tongue

When a stranger eyed you from across the room? He'll just stay quiet, silent yet ready to attack if they try anything.

But when they did and made you uncomfortable? Especially when some disgusting pervert touched you?!

Oh hell no!

That's what he hates most; touching what's his.

"Say goodbye to your eye," Bucky chuckled darkly, waving the bloody eyeball in front of the shaking man. Half of his face covered in blood, running down from where his eyeball where pulled out by the metal hand.

The man could only choke out his cries for his tongue is on the table beside him.

Bucky toss the eyeball behind him casually, lifting up his bloodied knife.

"Now, say goodbye to the other."

Bucky would come back home, bloody and wild eyed. His frown will be replaced by a sweet smile when he saw you running from the kitchen to greet him as usual.

He knows not to take his anger and jealousy out to you, making sure to calm himself down somewhere before coming back home to you.

"Baby, where were you?"

"Had to take care of someone."

You hummed, already knowing what he did; the news is already up on the tv.

"Had fun without me?" You pouted.

Bucky frowned in guilt. "I'm sorry, Honey. Don't want you to miss your favorite show; I know how much you hate missing an episode."

Hah, why did I come up with that?

You tsked, shaking your head. "My most favorite show is you slowly draining the life of a man out of pure jealousy and blood lust."

He lifted up his still bloody metal hand to caress your cheek oh so gently, staining your soft cheek with the crimson liquid.

The same hand that killed many was soft and gentle when it comes to you, treating you like a delicate little doll.

And his perfect little cum dump.

"You like that, babydoll?" Bucky grunts as he drills his throbbing cock into your slick, his metal hand wrapped around your neck.

"Look at you, so pretty and perfect... all for me."

You screamed in pleasure, arching your back as he continuously hit that spot so deliciously deep inside of you.

Bucky was in awe as he watched your face comforts into pleasure, body stained by his bloody hands.

He trails his hand from your neck down to your breast, your stomach, and finally your clit; a sheer red trail of blood on its wake.

Was it still the victims blood from before? Nah.

Knife and Blood play kink

"Are you still with me, Princess?" Bucky asked, laying down to his side.

Too tired and still dazed, you curl yourself against his chest, giving it a loving kiss as a response.

Bucky chuckled at your cuteness, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close.

He moved the hair from your face and gave your forehead a long, sweet kiss.

Also I apologize if there's any mistake. It's currently 2am, might edit when I wake up.

- Blub 💛