#my favorite (but most painful) kind of dynamic is when two or more characters just can't be who they want to be for one another

[jaguarys]

Obi-Wan and Anakin's dynamic continues to hurt me in new ways every day and I'm just forced to go about my day as if I'm not in deep psychological pain over the idea that they could never really truly be able to connect in the ways either of them want simply because they're such different people at a fundamental level

[battlekidx2]

I'm making this post purely to shout out some incredibly talented fanfic writers from the Hazbin Hotel fandom and my favorite works of theirs.

Did anyone ask me for this? No. Will I post it anyway? Absolutely. The writers in this fandom are too good.

The first fanfic writer I want to shout out is @prince-liest (ao3 link)

I absolutely love their get cared for idiot (Alastor) series (not the official name but they called it that in one of their asks jokingly so it's now the default in my head).

Knock, Knock! It's Your Worst Fucking Nightmare! (this fic gets it!!!! This is what I meant when I said Alastor is growing a heart and part of him is raging against it. He still has ulterior motives and a massive amount of pride and part of him feels like that growing fondness is getting in the way, but he can't stop it. I need to stop before this becomes a long ramble. I've written a couple thousand words on this idea, but this fic is just a better use of your time than any meta I could ever write and way more entertaining :D )

Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy

The Last Bus Stop in Hell, Now Boarding (Please look at the tags for content warning. Angel and Alastor body swap story.)

They're amazing at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor where there's a heart in there (really deep) and he's unintentionally growing attached to the hazbin crew, but he doesn't lose his edge. He's still manipulative and an asshole and can easily be the scariest guy in any room. He's in hell for a reason. A+ characterization at all times.

They're so good at writing the complicated dynamics he has with the residents, especially Charlie, and I enjoy how they expand on Alastor's potential dynamic with Angel Dust.

Anything they write from Lucifer's POV is gold too! My favorites are:

Take Two and Leave a Voicemail!

The Care and Keeping of Homo Angelus

I am also 100% here for their Aro!Alastor agenda and I'm enjoying their fic I Love Her, I Love Her Not so far!

The second person I want to shout out is @grayintogreen (ao3 link)

Their series Red Roses and Dead Things consistently gut punches me.

Just like Princeliest, they are also fantastic at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor. A+ characterization for everyone and I love how they write HuskerDust. It's so soft, especially in the aftermath fic for Learn that Even Death May Die called If My Love Is Tomorrow, I've Forgotten Yesterday (that fic hurt in the best way).

The way they explore the aftermath of Learn that Even Death May Die is incredibly impactful. They capture the unique grief that comes from the reality that there are some things you won't get closure for so well that it's painful.

I can't say enough good things about their series. Genuinely go read it.

I found @lediz-watches (ao3 link) before the first season of Hazbin Hotel dropped (I've been a fan of the hellaverse for a few years now and have been enthralled with the Hazbin Hotel pilot since I first watched it in 2020) and I really enjoy their fics.

My favorite is Suffering Kindness. I love the Charlie and Alastor dynamic they explore in this story. I think I'm just a sucker for the Charlie and Alastor dynamic in general, but this fic hits all the right notes for me. (written pre-season 1 but man is it good. 100% recommend)

LeDiz also has a lot of one-shots/collections of one-shots that are very fun.

The Cure for Inexorable Boredom

Dollface (one-shots about Alastor theories. My favorite is the 3rd one. So fascinating!)

Choice Words (one of the few explorations of Alastor and Vaggie's dynamic that I've found in the fandom)

Don't Say It

I have to shout out @ckret2 (ao3 link) and their phenomenal fic You’ve Got a Face for Radio. This is such an amazing aroace!Alastor fic. (Embarrassingly it was this fic that made me realize I was most likely aroace myself. I’d had fleeting moments of suspecting it but it wasn’t until I saw my experiences laid out in a character explicitly written to be aroace that I put the puzzle pieces together. -_- some of these passages were too relatable.) I cannot express how much I love this fic.

I also like their fics Dumpster Baby and Bitter Grapes.

I have one last writer I want to mention because this is getting really long (whoops). The last one is tiredoflofteranditsshit and their Assume He Has a Heart series (because my favorite character and how I interpret them was not obvious enough already with the fics/authors I've recommended. I had to make it more obvious).

These fics are massive (17k and 26k words) and so much fun. Definitely worth the read. Yet another series that follows up season 1 and explores Alastor’s growing connections and how he lies to himself and pushes against it. Love this series and there’s a lot to sink your teeth into :D

[the-bad-batch-baroness]

Where's Mommy?

Wolffe x Lilith Sestri (OFC)

Part 8

Summary: Wolffe's wife suddenly dies, leaving him a single father in the middle of a war.

Pairing: Wolffe x Lilith Sestri (OFC)

Characters: Comet, Cara (child OFC)

Tags & Warnings: heavy angst, mention of death, off-screen death, spousal death, grief, hurt/comfort, family fluff

Word Count: 2.2k

Author's Note: After two consecutive heavy chapters of Wolffe angst, I figured it was time for something a bit lighter. So, you get more Comet and Cara! Honestly, I love their dynamic so much. It's cute and adorable, and it's my favorite. Cara doesn't view Comet as an uncle, but more like a big brother and that's how Comet feels too. Be forewarned, there are still sad undertones. I also really wanted to cut this chapter in half, but there was no good way to do it. As always, please enjoy 💚

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Series Masterlist

Before Comet made his way to Cara's room, he stopped by the kitchen to do what Wolffe asked him. It really was a mess, but at least they were able to make Wolffe think about something else for a couple of minutes. Comet couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult it was for Wolffe to go through this, but on the flip-side, it was incredibly difficult for any of them to watch, especially when they knew there was nothing they could do to alleviate Wolffe's or Cara's pain. It was such a tragedy.

While still in the kitchen, Comet caught a glimpse of a flower-patterned apron hanging on a bronze hook. He approached the garment and rubbed the fabric between his fingers with fondness, remembering when he first became part of the Wolfpack. He was just a shiny, hot off Kamino, and assigned to the most rugged of commanders serving alongside two veteran clones, and yet, they took him in like family. She took him in like family, too, and made him his first real meal.

Comet smiled at the memory. The Pack missed her too, even if they didn't say it out loud. With Wolffe still raw from her passing, it wasn't the time nor the place for them to air their own sorrows, but they still felt it. The hole she left behind and the vacuum it created in all of their lives. She was kind, gentle, loving, and could go toe-to-toe with Wolffe like no one he'd ever seen. He chuckled at a memory of Wolffe retreating with his tail between his legs after being scolded by her.

Realizing that he forgot about his other mission, Comet left the apron where it hung and made his way back to Cara's room. He'd have to remember to grab it before they left. Wolffe would want to take it with him. At least, he thought Wolffe would want to take it. If not, then he might grab it out of pure fondness. They were all aware that once they vacated the apartment, everything in it would be trashed, and the thought of that apron laying in a pile of trash somewhere made his skin prickle.

On his way to Cara's room, Comet grabbed the largest box he could find. Wolffe said one box, but he didn't say it had to be a certain size. He knew it was going to be an uphill battle to get Cara to pick and choose what she kept and left behind, so a bigger box would make it easier. She was four, and she'd grow out of most of her things in a couple of cycles, which meant he needed to guide the choosing. It might be difficult now, but she'd thank him one day when she was older. If he was even alive to see her get older.

As he approached her room, he didn't hear any noise, which made him suspicious of what she could be doing in there. Maybe all of that crying and screaming wore her out and she fell asleep. If that was the case, then this just became a lot more difficult. If there was one thing Comet had learned from spending time with children, it was to never wake them from a nap. Kids were mean when they were tired and they would make everyone around them feel every ounce of their displeasure at being woken up.

Reluctantly, Comet opened the door, and not-surprisingly the lights were still on. A quick inspection of the room showed no signs of life within the four corners, but there was a suspicious looking child-sized lump under a blanket in the middle of the bed. Comet sighed. Just what he was afraid of. When he stepped closer, the lump moved. He crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side, watching as the lump squirmed around. She wasn't asleep, she was hiding. Comet smirked and decided to play along.

"Oh, no," he said dramatically. "Whatever will I do? I seem to have lost Cara."

The lump giggled and Comet smiled.

"Wolffe is going to kill me," he continued while slowly creeping towards the bed.

The lump giggled louder and Comet snuck up real close, ready to pounce.

"I'll be decommissioned for sure," he joked, then grabbed the lump and hoisted it up into the air.

Cara squealed.

"Found you!" he exclaimed.

"No!" Cara squirmed in Comet's grasp. "Put me down!"

Comet plopped down onto Cara's bed, placed her on his lap, and uncovered her from the blanket. "Are you hiding from me, ad'ika?" he asked.

She wiggled her little body and tried to escape from him, but his grip was firm. "No," she pouted and stuck her tongue out at him.

Comet raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I don't want to," she whined.

"Ad'ika," he sighed. "I don't want to either, but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do."

"What's an add-ee-ka?" she asked.

Comet knew she was stalling, but it was an easy enough question to answer. "It means child, but in a more loving way." He wanted to use the word affectionate, but she might not understand that one yet.

"Why doesn't daddy call me that?" she asked.

Comet thought about it for a moment, because he too wondered why Wolffe didn't use Mando'a around Cara, and shrugged. "I don't really know why."

"Does daddy not love me?" she asked.

Comet's brain stalled. The mental leaps and bounds she just made caught him completely off guard. How could she think, even for a second, that Wolffe didn't love her? It baffled him. Wolffe talked about her all of the time, to anyone who would listen, and even to those who wouldn't. There was nothing Wolffe wouldn't do for his daughter, well, except leave the GAR. He knew Wolffe would if he could, in a heartbeat, but they'd track him down and decommission him without a second thought.

Comet shifted Cara on his lap so that she was facing him and gently brushed some of the curls out of her face. "Your dad loves you very much," he said. "So much so that he can't express all of it, even if he tries. He misses you all of the time when he's out on missions and it makes him very sad to be away from you."

"Oh," she said. "Does daddy love mommy?"

"Very much," he answered. "Almost as much as he loves you."

"Then why isn't daddy sad about mommy?" she asked.

"What makes you think he's not sad?" he asked in return.

"Daddy doesn't cry," she said. "I cry when I'm sad."

Comet's eyes softened and he wrapped his arms around her. "He does. Trust me, he does. But daddies are different from ad'ike. Daddies don't cry like you do when you're sad. They cry by themselves."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because," he began, then paused as he tried to figure out how to explain it. "He wants to be strong so he can take care of you."

"Oh," she said. Comet could tell she was still confused.

"You see," he explained further. "Love isn't stored in our words or even our actions. It's stored here." He placed a hand on his heart. "Inside our hearts, our ka'rta."

"Ka-ro-ta," she pronounced. "Sounds like carrot."

Comet snorted, then started laughing. "Yeah, I guess it does."

"So, daddy loves mommy in here?" she asked while pointing at her heart.

"Yes, exactly," he said, then tapped her nose. "And he loves you in there, too."

"I love daddy in here, too," she said. "And mommy."

"Good," he smiled. "You keep them in there forever, okay?"

Cara smiles. "I will."

Comet really didn't want to change the subject or ruin the mood, but time was running short and he still had a job to do. "You know," he began. "If we don't pack up this box, you won't be able to bring anything with you."

Cara's eyes widened and she scrambled off of Comet's lap to start filling the box. She might have been stalling, but he was glad she asked those questions. The last thing Wolffe needed was for his daughter to think he didn't love her. He would crumble into a pile of dust if he ever found that out. Wolffe might not be able to spend a lot of time with Cara because of the War, but he really did love her, and Comet hoped Wolffe would continue to show her that love every chance he got.

The packing process went pretty much as Comet expected. Cara grabbed a whole bunch of things and tossed them into the box without really thinking about it. While she rummaged through her shelves and closets, Comet stealthily removed certain things from the box. If she realized they were gone, then maybe she did want them, but if she didn't see them missing from the box, then she probably wouldn't miss them at all. It was a gamble, but one he was willing to take for her sake.

Comet made sure to grab a few of the things he knew she'd actually want and need, like Cloney, ducky, her favorite pajamas, other important pieces of clothing, a few bedtime stories, and the drawings she made of her family. The drawings were easy because they were flat and could lay flush against the side of the box, so he was able to fit them all in. He knew she was going to need them once they were deployed again and she was alone. Some of the toys were a bit harder to fit, since they were bulky or oddly shaped, but he managed.

When the box was nearly full, Cara grabbed the blanket off her bed and tried to stuff it in the box, but it was just too big and it spilled out all over the top and sides. She had that blanket since birth, so Comet knew there was no parting with it and he needed to find a way to fit it in somehow. He rearranged some of the items in the box, rolled the clothing instead of folding it, and adjusted the more angular things, but it still wouldn't fit. Cara was on the verge of tears and Comet needed a new plan.

"Ad'ika," Comet said. "Would it be okay if I made your blanket into something else?"

Cara looked at him with watery eyes, and nodded silently.

Comet smiled and scruffed her hair. "Don't worry. I'll fix this."

Besides learning how to cook delicious food, Comet picked up something else from Wolffe's wife: how to sew. It was an odd skill for a clone to have, sure, but she loved to do it and he was always mesmerized by what she could make with some scraps of fabric and a little imagination. He was definitely not a master seamstress like her, but he knew his way around a needle and thread enough to be dangerous. He left Cara's room and grabbed what he needed from the sewing closet: scissors, chalk, a needle, blue and black thread, two gray buttons, and some stuffing.

Comet returned to Cara's room and laid out the blanket flat on the floor. He marked out the pattern with some chalk, and with Cara standing back, he cut out the pattern. Placing that piece on more of the blanket, he cut out the second piece in the same shape. With the cutting done, he placed the scissors out of Cara's reach and sat on the floor to start sewing the pieces together. Cara leaned over his shoulder to watch, just like she did with her mom, and Comet smiled at her curiosity.

He took his time with the stitching, because it would be of no use to her if it fell apart while he was gone and wasn't there to fix it. When he was done stitching most of the outer edge, he sewed on the two button eyes, which proved to be difficult when Cara wrapped her arms around his neck, practically strangling him. He readjusted her so he could breathe, then finished sewing the buttons on. Lastly, he filled the opening with lots of stuffing, then closed the final stitches to finish the doll.

"Ta-da," he said, then handed the finished doll to her. "One tooka doll."

Cara's eyes lit up and she squeezed it against her chest. "I love it!"

Comet smiled. "It should fit in the box now."

Cara placed the doll in the box and smiled at Comet. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome," Comet said. "Ready to go find your dad?"

Cara nodded her head and ran out of the room.

Comet shook his head and got up off the floor. He picked the box up and grunted. It was a little heavier than he was expecting, but he did a good job of fitting everything in there. Cara would never be able to carry it, but he could. He'd carry anything for her. He'd carry her sadness if he could. He knew Wolffe would, too. Actually, there wasn't a member of the Wolfpack who wouldn't do anything for Cara. She was family, a part of the Pack, and now also motherless, just like them.

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[hollow-lime-green]

Can you tell us a little about your D&D stuff? -sincerely an avid dnd player who loves hearing about other people’s characters

aaaa sure!

briefly - when I do actually get to be a player, I fucking love playing rogues. god i am so basic and easy, catch me playing a tiefling/changeling rogue 100% of the time. i am a power gamer though, and i'll take a lot of feats to do all sorts of weird bullshit (and the 2024 thief buffs are going to make me insufferable. fast hands has always been my favorite ability in the game, and now thief is finally good for real and not just by dm fiat).

i like every class except artificer and monk (fine just not for me), but rogues have my heart. in every game, skyrim to borderlands to d&d, I like being a pain in the ass from a long distance away. i don't get to play a lot, so i don't have a lot of characters that i'm super tied to, but right now, i'm essentially playing a cabal of tiefling/changeling rogues (one for every subclass) that are running the underground of my friend's city in a westmarch style progressive series of oneshots he hosts at our local game store.

mainly, though, i have always been a perma-dm of my groups, although I am trying to find a group that rotates better because as it turns out, being a perma-dm can absolutely fuck with your interpersonal relationships. i had a really awesome d&d group in undergrad that I DM'd for, and I have a lot of great memories from that. we played on campus for the first two years, then on roll20 for a few more years after that. unfortunately, as most d&d groups do, we died to the BBEG known as Adult Life Schedules.

since then, I've been DMing semi-regularly at a local game shop, sometimes playing, and I've made a lot of in-person friends. we play both at and outside of the shop, but almost all one-shots, although when I eventually move away from this current location, I will probably try to drag them into an online campaign. lots of dm talk and pictures under the cut, since this will be kind of long. :)

Props!

as a dm, i am very prop focused, i love a good prop. it's the engineer girlie in me. sat night I ran a 12th level one shot for my friends to test out some of the new 2024 rules at high level, and what I'm most proud of was my hidden magnet bridge (see below) - this is a progress pic but I do generally keep my sets pretty minimal aesthetically. anyway this was super fun because i set it up as this precarious bridge that they needed to get across and do some puzzles (hence the set), and then i ambushed them with the hidden magnets (actual reason for the set).

this is one of my faves from maaaaany years ago. i could do it better if I tried it again, but it's tough. this was for an encounter where an enemy was locally changing the direction of gravity, so the set rotated. it was surprisingly stable but difficult to play on due to the fact that you have like 270 degrees of the table that can see and then whoever is behind the wall (the dm) can't see shit. this was during my in-person UG years, so baby engineer but still making it work.

this is something I've done more recently that is more minimalist but insanely effective as a minigame. i had some players navigating through a space field, so they had to plot a course through this minefield and peel off the tape stickers one by one to see if they hit a danger. again, left is a progress pic. they all got blacked out. the right one was actually my dm key during the session lol, so I knew what they were gonna hit before they hit it.

I do a lot of mini prop pieces to go on top of my battle map as terrain, mostly cardboard just to give height and make things a bit more dynamic. and i'll usually have some lair action that rotates or takes away some of that terrain. one other thing I'm playing around with is this plexiglass transparent overlay designed for water combat, so I can put biiiiiig bad guys underneath the party. that one is for a oneshot based on the game DREDGE (which I highly recommend by the way - fishing survival cozygame with an eldritch monstrous flair). this lighthouse works as a sanity indicator, so as the party loses sanity (due to the eldritch fish), I can change its color.

i have no idea how i've run this game like 7 times and yet I can't find any pictures of it, but I have a one-shot that is based on Potion Permit (another farming sim cozygame) where the players collect these tiny cardboard tetris pieces and have to use them to complete tetris piece recipes to make potion and Save The Town From Illness! players love a prop, players love a minigame, and i love running those things as well.

Characters!

I have a lot of DMPCs that I love from my long campaigns, but DMPCs can be irritating, so i have shifted away from character-driven things for my oneshots. when I go back to doing campaigns, I'm going to try to do them better? I don't know, getting people invested in OCs whether it's writing or ttrpg is always sort of a challenge. players get invested in the bonds between the party but not often in their actual NPCs. So I'm not going to yap about them too much, but I'll list the concepts of my fave DMPCs:

blind bard who sees through a force field cantrip like cat whiskers - later becomes a seer (like divination) at the cost of losing his blindsight due to Player-Caused Apocalypse. becomes an unwilling consort to an archdevil who rules the wastelands after Player-Caused Apocalypse.

red hag who used a wish spell to free herself of pacts of loyalty but as a consequence cannot form lasting relationships with any creature, and cannot wish again. trying to make a Deck of Many Things to get more wishes and fix this (doomed)

half-fey archer with the mantle of the summer court trying to avenge her parents killed by the winter court, warrior softened by the touch of a woman (autumn fey cottagecore mom friend with an aussie accent). they were fun because the party actually got really invested in them and they got to complete their love story :)

spellthief rogue champion of the gods caught in a messy 'the parents are fighting' situation where the aspects of law and chaos fight. she is going to make a return when i start my next campaign because it's going to be a time loop situation, and she'll be the one resetting the timeline and trying to make off-screen changes (killing monarchs, planting magic items) to affect the future.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - 2 GREAT Shows but everything else is kinda blah

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. Happy new year, BLabies!

Jan 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - This show is really earning its chops, and these actors are executing beautifully. I think this is a great BL, and it reminds me quite a bit of ATOTS, only the physical comfort between the actors is more genuine and easy to watch. Unfortunately a guitar came out. Nice communication tho.

That was a very lovely romantic sex scene. Very prettily done. Classy boys, very classy.

Gah what a beautiful final scene with Day saying the last thing he wants to see is Mhork. Pure unadulterated romance of the highest order.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - If killer, why hot? Poor Tarn compelled to try to rescue everyone else from their fate, because he cannot save himself from his.

Meanwhile Phaya is finally learning that you catch more water snakes with honey lube than vinegar.

Stellar confession from Phaya brutally honest and very fated mates.

And another lovely sex scene, so I guess that was a vision and not a fantasy Tharn had.

Lets be clear those two shows were GREAT everything else this week was kinda blah.  

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I find the backstory very odd. Are they twins? What happened to Blue? Am I meant to care? Do I care? 

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 10 of 12 - I mostly just feel sorry for First. He’s so rightfully confused. Zee/Sprite keeps blowing hot and cold because they two different people! The after sex cuddle was cute. 

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 14 - Love getting more JeffAlan. Also I switch favorite character allegiances in the trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 6 of 12 - Didn’t air this week and I hardly noticed. 

You and My Stars YT 1 of 2(?) - school kids, love triangle, it’s cute enough.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) 1626 ep 20 of 24 - Just so boring. 3/10 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I’m not into the love triangle. Although I kind of like the new suitor, he’s honest and a good communicator. I appreciate these things in a BL boy. But I begin to wonder if triangles should be left for KBL. Also, this should have been an 8 epper, 10 is too long.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - No ep until Jan 12 

I Became the Main Role of a BL (Japan Sun Gaga) ep 1-3 - AKA BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen - A rising star is paired with an (older) former child actor (doesn’t think he’s good enough) in a BL series. It’s fun, built on a dynamic of off screen paralleling the on screen, so near constantly meta. All the tropes are there but are as a result of the filming process. The star turns out to be obsessed with the former actor and very dorky about it. In fact, everyone in this show is a little gremlin weirdo (affectionate). There’s tons of scenery chewing miscommunication drama, slapstick, voice over head hopping, and eccentric sides characters. “And he comes with feathers” applies to a number of my friends. You know I don’t like stories around fan obsession, but otherwise this was enjoyable. 8/10

A nice start to the JBL year. Keep em coming, Japan.  

It's done I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have a spare day.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Night Dream (Sat YT) 6 eps - It’s a pain to track down and I really didn’t like the first episode so… DNF  

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year end round ups (so far) are as follows:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

Best Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

BL 2023 - Cute Bits of Domesticity

BL 2023 - Boys Feeding Boys

BL 2023 - BOOP!

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

Next Week Looks Like This

Starting This Week:

1/9 Time the series (Thai Gaga, WeTV, Channel 3) 10 eps - MFlow Entertainment brings us yet another "fix the past" narrative. After witnessing the gunning down of his beloved, a heartbroken actor uses a magic pocket watch to go back in time and discover the truth and maybe fix it.

1/11 Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) - Soga, who, after a divorce and relocation to Osaka, seeks solace in dining at 26-year-old Sakae's restaurant. Unbeknownst to Soga, Sakae sees him as more than just a regular customer.

More Coming Jan 2024

Beside You (Thai YouTube)

Love For Love's Sake (Korea ????)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan ????) - five years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so... probubly not. I won't be watching this.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Yes, you SHOULD apologize!

This was a FANTASTIC moment! Last Twilight

Night Dream referencing the Shrimp Trope.

Some didn't like this bit BUT I love a claiming moment, even in a briefing room... especially there.

I ALSO love a good Grandma Moment in a BL.

Such a good sex scene. The Sign

(Last week)

[chessboredom]

i’m curious about your take on lairy seeing that you actually have a brain and don’t woobify the shit out of it

Thank you, anon. U_U

And OMG. The woobifying part is too real, it's painful. I've seen a lot of people saying that "lairy is BAD and is PROSHIP because Airy is a kidnapper who ruined Liam's life," like Liam never tried to hunt down Airy and kill him? Yeah, that's your soft uwu boy victim incapable of defending himself from an sentient apathetic lantern.

And for the love of GOD, lairy is NOT PROSHIP, it's a CONCEPT. I am a Homestuck fan and I have seen worse. You are Not a horrible person for shipping Fictional Characters Of Any Kind. Educate yourself in fandom etiquette and remove yourself from purity culture(most importantly read the Commentary section).

Now back to the topic at hand;

Lairy (Liam x Airy)

I've seen a couple of people look at this pair and draw them as "platonic" or more stable than they are, which is fine, I like looking at them too, but they refuse to dive deeper into the potential of how unstable and codependent their relationship could be. It would fall more into codependency. It's my favorite.

As someone who loves toxic ships because of how horrible but also funny the dynamic could be, lairy is just a basic ass toxic yaoi. Nothing sexual happens. Pure instability. Toxic because they both flawed characters in their own special ways. Airy is extremely detached from not getting to be with anyone for more than a decade that he doesn't even care or show concern if other people get hurt/killed/die. Liam has lost all purpose in his life and was several axe swing away from becoming a murderer. lol

And for the part where the relationshipping happens with two things happening at once;

it starts with Airy having a one-sided infatuation, and then there's Liam taking that advantage, try to manipulate Airy and distract him away from the computer, and use that opportunity for him to figure out how the computer works. If it's for saving his friends, he'd do anything.

Airy gets these indescribable feelings by looking/thinking of Liam. He has no concept of personal space, so he'd just stand behind Liam and hold his backpack strap. Airy would insist on hugging Liam when they sleep. Just an incredibly touched-starved Airy.

Liam would be reluctant at this at first, but he should eventually realize that whatever he's trying to do is the last purpose he has. The world thinks he's dead. As long as he saves his friends in the end, it's worth it.

Oh? You want reciprocated? It is also possible for Liam to have feelings for Airy, but in a way that he never wanted to kill himself more in his life and never come back from limbo so he could never see his glassy face again. HAHAHA

I have more possible scenarios, but that would be for another post, hehehe.

[cool-thymus]

can i get uhhh no3 and a no10 for the nart questions pls? (hi thymus!!)

Hiiii, Ard! thanks for being interested in my opinion xD I'll start with THE question hehe

10. OTP Who could that be...? 🤔😅 I'm going to use this opportunity to finally make a verbal statement about why i love my otp so much. I started watching Naruto as an experiment in 2022 (at the ripe age of 28) and the land of waves arc got to me: Haku's death (and the way Zabuza used him -yes, i have beef with that guy) got my empathy involved, and Kakashi-sensei charmed me by being incredibly cool AND mysterious. The mysterious part about the origin of his sharingan intrigued me the most: what do you mean "a friend gave it to him"??? who is this friend? where is he? are they still friends? All those questions needed answers. So i learned about Obito Uchiha (mostly through fanart). Then i cried my eyes out watching Kakashi Gaiden and stalled the war arc as long as i could because i knew what was going to happen, and by then i’d already fallen in love with them beyond reason.

Before anything else, this ship is so powerful because separately Kakashi and Obito are incredibly well-written characters. Yes, they complete each other and share their arc till the end, but nevertheless, each of them is autonomous, believable, complex, and deep. They are both the main dish. So the dynamic, the bond they establish between them feels true and natural. One has this sunshine personality, is kind, caring, tenderhearted, and fun; the other has too much to deal with for his age: being a genius will mess with your pride and sense of worth, but not with your tiny, pure, brave heart. Kid Obito and kid Kakashi are so precious, you wanna shield them from everything that is wrong with the world. And then tragedy №1 and tragedy №2 happen that push these two boys to realize they were supposed to be each other’s lifeline. Obito got a head start over Kakashi though. When Kakashi finally sees Obito for who he really is, the sacrifice is already made, leaving Kakashi attached to his lifeline that goes nowhere. 

Tragedy №3 crushes their souls one more time and marks the beginning of the horrendous paths they take: Kakashi drowning himself in guilt and the violence of ANBU missions; Obito being groomed, brainwashed and manipulated into a gruesome conspiracy that perverted his ideals. And despite everything that happens next, they still hold on to their lifeline (the shared sharingan serving as the visualization). They are loyal to each other in their own ways. Kakashi lets his memory of Obito guide him and help him live, while Obito never seeks vengeance or takes the eye back. He even goes beyond imaginable and saves Kakashi’s life one last time. 

They were written to be tragic, but they were also meant to be special. If only Kishimoto had more sympathy and allowed Obito another chance. Those two precious boys could start all over. And this time, post war, their respect, longing, sorrow, adoration, grief, regrets, hopes would be shared, and the love that had struggled to grow for so long would finally be in full blossom.

(and they’re both hot af)

3. Favorite villain

(No worries, sweet anon, i don’t consider Obito a villain xD) The key villains like Madara or Danzo remind me of middle-aged men who get hung up on conspiracy theories and start believing that they have the world figured out. So they are more annoying than scary to me. And a villain should be frightening, i think. In the ninja world this would be Orochimaru. He’s an egomaniac, a sensible madman, who is deceitful, merciless, and cruel. We were shown such atrocities, so much abuse, torture, and physical pain inflicted on innocent people. And for what? I’m not sure i fully understand his motives: was it out of fear of death? Or is this just him doing what he loves? He IS the worst, and yet, by the end of shippuden he turns into a comedy bit?! Seriously?! This is all kinds of wrong xD But the facts remain, he is a good villain, creepy and scary.

To lighten up the mood i'll attach this scene from Rock Lee and his Ninja Pals that shows the funniest wtf-ish way to defeat Orochimaru xD (now i wonder what else Kakashi can do with his water jutsu ..)

the nart questions

[mayabishopgold]

Top 5 Station 19 episodes

I got a couple of asks about this, so I decided to cheat a bit and make two lists: a top 5 of what I objectively consider to be the best episodes of the show, and then my personal favorites.

To the people who sent the asks: I'm sorry for taking so long! This was HARD. And also thank you! I love lists. This was so much fun.

Here we go!

Best episodes:

5. 7x05 "My Way" The 100th episode of the show highlights Andy's long journey to becoming Captain. Considering how underwhelming the scene where Ross promotes her in 6x18 was (seriously, what does she have against official conversations in an office?), the pinning ceremony provided a satisfying full-circle moment.

The Best: I know I'm biased but Maya really was the MVP of the episode. Was there for Andy, patched things up with Beckett, supported Carina... I'm just so proud of her. The Worst: I really felt Carina's storyline with the car accident added nothing. I would have preferred to see her at her doctor's appointment.

4. 3x10 "Something About What Happens When We Talk" / 4x12 "Get up, stand up" Always considered these to be sister episodes. Both use therapy with Diane to deepen character development as the team deals with the aftermath of traumatic events.

The Best: Maya's session in 3x10 and Dean fighting back tears in Diane's presence in 4x12. Really powerful moments. The Worst: On a very shallow note, I wish we could have seen more of Carina's outfit in 4x12.

3. 4x05 "Out Of Control" The team rallies to help a mother whose daughter has been kidnapped, leading to a confrontation with police officers.

The Best: The tension that builds during the last 20 mins. The Worst: No Carina.

2. 2x15 "Always Ready" I'll never understand why Ripley had to die, it felt sudden and completely unnecessary. Why would you throw away such insane chemistry? but OMG what an episode.

The Best: the team coming together on top of the rig. The Worst: did I mention Ripley? still in mourning.

1. 7x09 "How am I supposed to live without you" A big wildfire incident serves as the backdrop for high-stakes character drama. Add all the callbacks to previous moments, plus the added emotion of the show ending, and you have the most impactful episode of the series. It left us with intriguing possibilities that the finale, unfortunately, failed to deliver on.

The Best: That cliffhanger and the fact it actually focused on the characters and dynamics people care about—Marina, Travic, and Andy/Maya. The Worst: Did we need another Ross/Sullivan bed scene? no we didn't.

Bonus: 7x04 "Trouble Man" Although, based on execution alone, this would be in the Top 5, all of the previous episodes on the list are considerably more important in the context of the show. This one is more of a transition episode.

The Best: Very inspired directing choices. The Worst: Marina's new house was really a downgrade, although I ended up kind of liking it by the end of the season.

My favorites:

5. 1x04 "Reignited" The first Maya-centric episode of the series. And wow, she really became the most compelling character of the show just four episodes in. What a difference right from the start in how much care the development of Maya's character received compared to Andy's.

The Best: Maya being an amazing paramedic and saving the life of someone everyone else had already given up on. The Worst: Anything involving Jack and Andy. Sorry, but they had zero chemistry at the beginning of the series.

4. 6x08 "I know a place" You know an episode will be good when Dr. Diane Lewis shows up—only exception being 5x04. It's painful but so worth it. Maya begins healing, Jack gets back to work at the station, and we learn a bit of Ruiz's background. All in all, a very solid hour of the show.

The Best: Maya & her 3 year old self The Worst: No Carina and too much Eli & Andy...

3. 2x10 "Crazy Train" This is by far my favorite incident/ call in the series. I don't particularly love the ending, but everything else? perfection.

The Best: Maya in charge AND looking fine as hell The Worst: Gibshop.

2. 6x14 "Get it all Out". This is 100% my comfort episode. There is something so playful about Maya and Carina as they were still finding their way back to each other. All of these Season 6 episodes are a treat. Also, "How's your arm, PAM?" will forever be etched in my brain.

The Best: Jealous!Maya The Worst: The directing choices are particularly poor.

1. 4x14 "Comfortably Numb" Carina has to return to Italy due to her visa expiring. Maya is understandably freaking out and considering if they should get married. They fight, have sex, fight again, and ultimately end up getting engaged. Other stuff happens... but honestly, who cares?

The Best: The Marina scenes are allowed time to play out. It's obvious when actors enjoy the material they are working with. Every beat of those scenes feels authentic. The Worst: For some reason I always find the Ben OR scene to be super cringey.

[song-writer-melo-wrath]

Silly Game Time: Who are some of your favorite mechanical characters, be they robots, androids, cyborgs, or something else? And what do like about them?

OOOOH...

Well, first, gotta mention my man Data.

A lot of people has said that he is autism-coded in the way that he is presented, and in how other people react to him. And I kind of agree tbh. He's also just a sweetheart, and his bonds with the crew (especially Laforge), his cat Spot, and sometimes with people who are briefly onboard are so lovely.

I also feel I should mention Connor,

Because his arc has probably inspired so many OCs at this point. Bryan Dechart did such an excellent job playing him, and his growing bond with Hank is very well-written. I think it's honestly touching how it's often emotional bonds that show humanity.

Another I feel would be a crime not to mention,

Because between the iconic lines and the dynamic he has with John Connor, and the way it shapes his various decisions, how could I not? And yes I'm specifically talking Terminator 2 here. Though I will say he makes an EXCELLENT force of nature and presence of absolute horror in the first movie.

Then, of course, the sapphic community's favourite,

Because "Want You Gone" hurts me on a personal level, and I don't just mean because it's how GLaDOS says farewell. I relate to that song so much (and did a cover of it :D) and, in general, relate with much of her story. Of course, she's a sassy motherfucker who you can't help but love. But for how much Portal 2 is considered the inferior game, it really does make her story into one of self-discovery and complicated morality. I guess it just gets overshadowed by Oh hi. How are you holding up.

Next,

I MEAN. COME ON. This guy used to be, and honestly still is, one of my biggest fictional crushes. His charisma is magnetic, of course. His STORY being wrapped up by the connections he used to have being rekindled, resulting in him choosing to be a star for those who need one most, rather than a star for the most people possible???? Ugh, poetic cinema.

Speaking of stars,

[vibrating] I have so many headcanons when it comes to this one But more to the point, Star Dream is an absolute force of nature. Its boss fight is incredible, an absolute marvel of multiple types of play styles coming together. The themes? Slap.

Star Dream's draw, for me, is that its sentience is so…debatable. I'm on the side of “had sentience the whole time”, and more to the point, “based on how much Haltmann copied homework, it's possible he brought something back from the dead” but I dunno, I don't like arguing my case when it comes to the second. The point is, for many of things that it does, it's uncertain whether that's just part of its program, or if it's a sentient decision. Was Susie sent away because of something accidental, or was it Star Dream's intention? The fact that Haltmann became so focused on its creation after her disappearance, in my eyes, kind of implies the latter…

… It's also interesting that even without Haltmann giving it a voice via him-being-possessed, it only chooses to speak to Meta Knight.

Can you tell I have The Kirby Autism, is it noticeable, is it obvious—

Also I'm gonna put two of my OCs here, because self-indulgence is alive and well.

This is Palharine and Mayday! They're my favourites out of a group of robot/android characters I created about three years ago, and have finally taken the time to draw recently:

From left to right, you got Eodel Remidoros, Palharine, Mayday, and Ziah Hyperion. All very different interpretations of robotic.

Palharine and Mayday stand out to me due to their emotional states. They're kind of opposites, in that regard. Mayday is a very sensitive gal, who has been through a lot of pain, and is trying to become stronger so she can confidently say she has no doubt in who she is. Palharine, as far as they're aware, has no emotions. Which is interesting, since the other three all seem to, to some degree. Among the four, Palharine is also unique in that they're programmed to dream. Both of these things shape them a lot.

But these two have a very sweet bond, where they're both passionate about biology, especially botany. Mayday, in a training exercise, also nearly wipes the floor with Palharine. It's more touching than it sounds.

Also, Palharine's genderfluid and Maydays a trans woman, so those things just inherently spark joy for me, haha!

This has been, real robotic character hours.

[starsarefire824]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

aw thanks lex!!! <3

I'll stick with Stranger Things ones for this, in no particular order.

Lay Me Down Slow (M, 2/3) It's 1998 and Will is anxiously making his way to a bar to meet up with Mike, who he hasn't seen in over a decade. Emotions run high as he shares a drink with him, and when a confrontation turns violent, it leads to truths being told and the two of them finding each other again. Will POV.

I am having entirely too much fun with this one!!

Demons of Change and Wildflower Eyes (M, ongoing)- High school hasn't been easy for Will Byers, and he's had to live with the emotional scars of a loveless father and supernatural worlds as well as the physical ones from the hands of the bullies that make his everyday existence hell. One night, when he's looking for some peace and quiet Will comes upon one of them and something surprising happens. As he and Mike Wheeler tentatively open up to each other, they just might discover they may be exactly what they need to give each other much needed healing and self-acceptance. Can they survive everything that comes along with that?

This is probably my most obscure Byler fic? But I enjoyed writing it and I liked exploring some different dynamics between Will and Mike. I plan to get back to this one soon.

Death Lies in Wait- (M, ongoing)- Massachusetts, 1890. Max Mayfield is twenty-six years old and at the hand of her parents, settles for a marriage of convenience to a widowed lighthouse keeper. A stranger she'll be trapped with for the rest of her life on a lonely strip of land surrounded by nothing but endless, lonely sea. But, as she settles into her life, and she and her new husband try to coexist, they get wrapped up in a mysterious presence on the cape. It calls to them. It's lulling and coaxing and sings to them at night. Max discovers the secrets her new husband keeps. Mermaids and ghosts of the past come to haunt them.

Madwheeler/Byler//Lumax Gothic AU- Mermaid Will.

Historic gothic au and arranged marriage trope along with sea nymph/ mermaid Will? Idk man, it’s just the type of fic I want to see in the world and I needed it. I can’t wait to get back to this one!

Touch Me Like You Know Me- (M, complete)- Mike doesn't go home anymore, not unless absolutely necessary. Instead, he stays far away from Hawkins, quietly shutting himself off from the world, and burying the pain of the things he never said to the boy he'd left behind. But when his mother convinces him to return home for his thirty-fifth birthday, Mike is finally forced to confront just how much he'd given up when he runs into Will by accident. Mike-centric. Estranged Byler reconnection fic. Soft and Sweet.

I forever be obsessed with Mike looking at Will in this one. The themes just make me emotional and I felt proud of it more so than any other fic I've written I think.

The Pact (M, ongoing)- A pact between Max and Mike gone wrong gets them both unanimously voted out of the Party and they find themselves stuck with each other the summer after Graduation: fighting, commiserating, and begrudgingly discovering they are a lot more alike than they originally thought.

What kind of started as a joke fic, has turned into one of my favorite things I've written. I really liked getting to explore Max in this as I had never written for her before and I just really, really dig the partycule vibes of it. This also was probably the fic I've had THE MOST fun as far as interacting with readers in the comments and everyone has truly made it something really special to me. <3 Especially you Lex!

*ACSoL is my like first child who I'll always include, but can't put it here this time. But delving into some of Will's darker issues in a post-canon setting is what got me so excited about this fandom in the first place and also made me realize Will is my favorite character.

Thank you so much! I'm gonna come drop this in your inbox now <3

[echoingalaxies]

hello! how you doin? I don't know if someone already did this... but may I ask about 4 and 14 from that whump ask game?

Hi! I'm hanging in there. No one's asked them, thank you for sending in the q <3

4. Do you prefer physical whump or emotional/psychological whump? - I love both, but I think I like emotional whump more. I'm constantly imagining characters that are just broken, who are mistreated, outcasts, lonely, hopeless. I love grief of loss or gut wrenching guilt. I love it when things are finally looking up and the character gets to experience happiness/love/something for the first time (in a long time or in general) and to have that soon taken from them again. You can also make a character suffer emotionally over someone elses physical pain and combine the two ;)

14. What are your least favorite whump tropes? - I don't often like things like stockholm syndrome, or the trope of whumpee seeking comfort from whumper, which I know is fairly popular, but something about it just makes me uncomfortable. Like especially when Whumper is genuinely a bad person, not the reluctant or forced-to-be-a-Whumper kind. There are exceptions and I even have character dynamics similar to that of my own, but most of the time it just feels weird to me and I can't properly explain why or where the line goes. Also most of pet whump is just not my thing.

Generally I feel like I don't have any tropes I 1000% hate (that I can think of right now at least), because I find there are always some posts/variations I like about tropes I usually don't.

[youhideastar]

hi again! before you even start reading this i gotta apologize for 1: gushing so much over your writing (i can't stop), and 2: the wonky english (the not-my-first-language magic blessing seems to have passed me by).

thank you so much for your thorough answer! i've repeatedly been blown away by the amount of visible care and consideration you've taken in writing your portayals of bdsm in tbsa (and in a keener eye, too! i started listing my favorite little bits of that here until i realized i couldn't possibly cover even half of them, it's so stellar.) and i'm like, awestruck at this answer too. i think i agonized too much over the wording in the original question, as well as just not taking enough care in considering the meaning of what i was saying, and it came out weird. i'm sorry if i made you feel obligated to educate me in any way! i hope i didn't accidentally imply that 24/7 relationships are in any way wrong, icky, or any other negatives. i had no intention of criticizing or presuming stuff about that kind of dynamic, but hadn't considered many of your points here either and this really got me thinking about my own preconceptions.

you interpreted my question correctly for how i wrote it! what i was really wondering about when i was typing was (in addition to the more general stuff you answered here) was a more self-indulgent, headcannon-y thing, in the vein of "what are some specific things your flower really loves in his relationship?". like with how sid really enjoys bondage. :]

thanks again!

No one ever needs to apologize for gushing over my writing! 😆 It's always appreciated. The previous answer referred to in the ask is here, and the series discussed is here.

I also would not have written more than 200,000 words about role policing and other crappy threads of BDSM culture if I were not willing to do a little education on that front, so please don't worry about that, either! What you said about thinking about your own preconceptions made me really happy - in part because writing the whole To Be Seen Aright series often served that function for me, too. I wrote about that a little in the director's commentary on Amends:

“No,” Sid says immediately. He’s not having that. “No. What you have with Vero, maybe that’s about deserving, but this, us, what we have, it’s—” Above that, he almost says, but he catches himself – that’s not fair to Flower’s relationship with Vero, or to the relationship most of Sid’s friends and family and teammates have with their partners. This was me! I’m the one who wrote “this, us, what we have, it’s above that.” And then I looked at it and was like, ummmm. Not a great thought, Dea!

As far as headcanons for what Flower really likes in his relationship, I don't know that I have too much beyond what ended up on the page, honestly! He's a masochist, and significantly farther up the "how much pain is good pain?" scale than, e.g., Sid. For him, I think, the pain is always the main event, and anything else that he enjoys--bondage, or possessiveness, for example--is just a side dish. Again, not a very satisfying answer, sorry (two in a row!) but Flower is just a delightfully straightforward character, what can I say? 😊

[pilvimarja]

now what made you ship roosmav (not the same anon but i'm curious)

Put simply, it's 100% the kind of ship I've always been drawn to. I love it when characters have a lot of history and a deep bond with some emotional conflict. I wouldn't say Roosmav is straight up enemies-to-lovers, but it has many elements that I love about that trope. Rooster is so angry and hurt for two thirds of the movie, but you can tell he loves Mav and is desperate to forgive him and have him back in his life.

I also think Mav and Rooster's relationship was the emotional core of the movie. It was so heavily tied to who Maverick is as a character in TGM and it's the relationship with the most depth and development, even more so than Maverick's heterosexual romance sub plot (the same was true in TG86 with IceMa* and GooseMa*).

I'm very aware that the age gap and Mav knowing Bradley since his childhood is an issue for a lot of people, but I've always liked May/December relationship and the age gap between Mav and Rooster isn't actually that significant when Rooster himself is pushing forty (fics that take place pre-canon are obviously their own thing and I'll get to that in a bit). I enjoy exploring relationships where one person is on the wrong side of middle-age and their body is full of aches and pains and they can't always keep up with their younger partner, but they make up for it with their skill and experience and patience the younger character can't match. I just really love that kind of contrast 😗🤌

And you know, I'm shallow enough to admit that they also look really hot together!

I'm gonna put the rest under a cut for talk about pre-canon fics where Bradley is usually under eighteen.

The dynamic in these scenarios is very different and the appeal to me personally is Bradley's intense, often unrequited love for Maverick and how deeply and almost obsessively he wants and desires Mav who rarely returns his feelings. And even when the fics are explicit and there is sex, there's a heavy focus on Mav's guilt, how devoted he is to Bradley, the unhealthy lack of boundaries and the taboo nature of the relationship, which appeals to the dark fic fan in me. I know some people can't stomach darker content like this, but I personally don't have any issues with using fictional characters to explore things that make me uncomfortable in real life. If something fictional does make me uncomfortable, I hit the back button and read something else. I also like non-Roosmav AU fics about various characters from Miles and Tom's movies (Stacee Jaxx and Andrew from Whiplash being one of my favorites!), and I think some of these characters are actually more suitable for darker scenarios than Maverick.

[atsoraasayoma]

The Digidestined Guessing Game. Thanks to Firedragon1321 I’m going to continue doing this.

Let’s talk about Miyako now. She also really has to contend with the drama of a full household and siblings and really has to take advantage of vulnerable situations to get what she wants.

Whether this is fighting at the dinner table for a dessert orbasically stealing from her self employed mom’s store to ‘buy’ snacks (that poor mom losing all that revenue to the bottomless pits of in training Digimon!) she has to scratch and claw her way to get what she wants otherwise she was left with nothing but scraps.

I believe that this aggression is how she bonded with her family and in turn she saw aggression as respect in a familial way. That’s why when she has conflict but there is no anger she seems a bit lost at first emotionally. And for her to lose in essence is her pride and standing being lost.

I find her dynamic fascinating. She’s like a clunky Mimi who has to manipulate her way to get results but she is not as smooth or gentle about it so just kind of comes off as being too aggressive even when being nice. (Probably why she adores Mimi so much. She is the older sibling she always wanted).

I think her most iconic moment for me was when she was arguing with Hawkmon who was very politely trying to tell her to be careful climbing down a steep slope to get to the Digimon emperor’s base, and she is so psyched up like a manic bear starving for food she listens for a moment, gets offended and then starts ripping into him asserting her dominance as an independent young headstrong woman (if I remember that right).

It sums up her character nicely. It’s not a detriment to her, but it was a moment where she learned that being that headstrong and forcing her own way could bring pain for those she loves.

Back in the day I used to hate this character. I hated her design, her attitude, and even her relationships and how she gets jealous easily and is so dam flirtatious and outspoken about it. (But underneath it I was mad Hikari and Takeru were not DNA digivolving partners. I still am lol).

I came to realize over time that she is basically a mama bear grizzly. She learns from Hikari when to be gentle and Hikari learns from her when to be grizzly. They play off each others strengths quite well.

Although she is still my least favorite I can respect her character development and how she really has carved out a path for herself growing from an immature prideful pushy sister you would hate to have in any situation except when someone is trying to hurt you to a reliable friend who can recognize and act appropriately and quickly to any situation. She still has fits of anger but really that’s only when someone is making really stupid decisions.

I liked her character growth. I liked how I hated her before but then really saw her change and adapt and I am all the more impressed by just how cool a character she used to be now.

Sometimes I think we get the impression of a character as so unsettling we can’t see just how much they changed because their original traits just grate on the nerves.

So now let’s see if you can guess which Digidestined she is talking to based off of these situations.

Digidestined A: There is no way we can do that! We got to just rush in and get it over with!

Miyako. (Two Digidestined holds her back). Are you stupid or just dense?! Just think about it! If we don’t do this then x, y and z no thanks to your boneheaded mistake!

Digidestined B: I think we should consider the situation. There are a variety of factors we have not seen. And from my dark history it could benefit us in this battle.

Miyako: That’s our Ken! Always helping us see the other side. We should go over this at the coffee shop later. You’re buying, right?

Digidestined C: I wish I could be more headstrong as you Miyako. At least a little.

Miyako. Heh, you will. Trust me. I’ll show you the grrr in girl power.

Digidestined D: Assess the situation. Think calmly, rationally and then get everyone’s input. Then you can make your decisio-

Miyako: No. we were taking about dating advise not a general rule for every day living. You’ve got to make time to get out more.

Digidestined E: You’re right about being cautious, but from what I’ve gone through sometimes you have to make the hard decisions even if others may not like it. When things are just so murky and grey you have to be able to risk making a judgment and it may not always be the right call.

Miyako: Never quite thought about it like that, but yeah I agree! So let’s get going! I’ll handle this part.

[lightlycareless]

Chapter 36 - thoughts.

Hello everyone!

Back at it again with chapter 36’s notes! Of course, if you want to avoid spoilers I recommend reading the chapter (found right over here) first. Also, I skipped chapter 35’s notes because I didn’t think there was much to say… or if there was, it would be too short for me to make a post. However, if there’s something you’d like for me to expand on that chapter I’ll gladly oblige! My ask box is always open ❤️

As always, major spoilers underneath the cut, as well as no proofreading, or very minimal. All candid you know lol.

Now, without further ado, here are the notes!

This chapter was meant to clarify or deepen the motivations behind some of the characters :> uncover the continuous mystery surrounding Minako’s and Tomoko’s absence, their relationship with their family, and one thing I’ve been wanting to explore about jujutsu (which I’m not done with hehe) however, I did face some difficulties, mainly because of the timeline and if the stories were tragic enough HAHAHA.

But anyways, let’s start with the hardships.

The timeline, a.k.a how old were Y/N and Naoya when their respective mothers died. Now, I don’t like setting down dates because I feel like once you take that commitment, there’s no going back 😂. And there’s too many things I want to explore to reduce them into dates, so I tend to leave them open-ended.

However, with Y/N I did have some guidelines. It was important for me to keep Minako’s death occurring after ’98, and all because I said she was very supporting of Ren when Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls 😭 not them influencing my fic once again 😂 that, and because I didn't envision her being present in the high school era of their kids.

Taking all of this into consideration, her death would've to occur inbetween 99-01. The latest would make Y/N roughly 10 years old, Hinata 12, Ren 14. Very young to lose a mother, indeed.

As for Naoya, I just needed him to be old enough to remember Tomoko, but not that old for Mariya and the gang to remember her. Out of the two, she would have to be the most mysterious one, considering nobody wants to talk about, (I wouldn't be surprised if the members of the estate didn't know when she was last seen) one could even say she’s more of a legend at this point, impossible to prove or disprove.

I think the one that knows/remembers most of her had to be Junko, considering how she was trained to be Ogi’s wife or whatever bullshit by her. Naobito can’t be bothered to remember his own wife, not even after the 6 kids she gave him, although he is the kind of person to compare “his ex” with his partners, saying how she was prettier or some other bs, or even look for said partners who kind of resemble her. At least her memories live on with him like that jfc what am I even saying.

Anywayssssss

I think that out of the two, Tomoko’s story was the most tragic. In the way that she was essentially doomed from the very moment Naobito set eyes on her. I don’t think she ever imagined the things she would have to go through. Maybe the kid part she had an idea, but the rest? Nah, no amount of indoctrination could ever prepare her for that.

The more depth I give her, the more realize how truly alone she is, like it physically pained me to have to write how Tomoko could only trust her children (and not even all of them); she probably couldn’t even rely on Junko for anything. Now that it’s been brought up, Tomoko probably asked Junko’s favorite flowers to be planted as a way to show sorority, reach out to her, but it flew past her. I don’t doubt she desperately tried to reach out to her family too, only to be told to “suck it up” and that this is the best thing to happen in their life, so she better not ruin it.

Once again, the Zen’in dynamic is heavily inspired by the Todoroki fam lol Tomoko must be Rei around the time she burnt Shoto. I’m glad to say that it didn’t go to those extremes but had Naoya not said anything… who knows what might’ve happened. Even as disgusting as he’d become, I’m glad his child-self didn’t get attacked like that.

Another point I wanted to explore about her was her dynamic with the rest of her kids. If I had to put like a list of her most to least liked kids, Naoaki would be the first, from there Naofumi, Naohiko, Naosuke, Naohito, and finally, Naoya.

Naoaki is mainly because he was her first child, back then when she was still… “ok”, and even with the environment she had to raise him, she still cared for him and was very involved in his upbringing, as much as she could anyways.

Because he was the oldest one, the most “mature one” thanks to his crude childhood, Tomoko felt she could confide in him, but that relationship didn’t flourish until he was replaced by Naoya.

I swear, Tomoko must’ve been the kind of mother that unintentionally pitted her children against each other and spoke badly of their father to them by saying things (mainly to Naoaki) like “I don’t know what your father is thinking about, you’re clearly much better than Naoya” and “You were never as impolite as him” and so on and so forth. She might’ve also been blunt about how Naobito doesn’t seem to like them, but that “didn't matter” because she does. (OK Tomoko, not sure they wanted to hear the first part but aight)

She tried being a good mother, she really did. But her environment, alongside the critical pregnancies she had finally took a toll on her mental health, and it led her to take it out on Naoya—I believe the best way to describe what she was feeling was postpartum depression, but considering how grave it was and the problems she had with her previous pregnancies, it was more likely postpartum psychosis.

The Zen’in strike me as the kind of family that doesn’t believe in mental health—less if it comes from women, I shouldn’t be surprised they thought Tomoko as simply “emotional” instead of having an actual condition that needed treatment. Oh no, the Zen’in shooting themselves on the foot once again? Who could've seen this coming?!

Naoya unfortunately became the outlet of Tomoko’s suffering, which started as soon as she gave birth to him and held him—she looked at that poor baby and something inside her snapped. Something like “you’re the child these bastards were looking for, you’re the reason why I had to suffer so much.”

Also, I don’t know if anyone remembers one post a long time ago, where I said I was watching the movie Hereditary and was like “Huh, inspiring.”

I meant this scene. Except that Tomoko (or at least that’s what I understood from the mom’s “disdain” for the kid—of course, that was just one issue of the many they had lol) didn’t feel sorry for Naoya and the life he was going to be put through, but rather all that she had to endure to conceive him. Can’t blame her, it was tough… I just wished none of them had to become her victims too.

That, and essentially Azula from Avatar, that one scene where she’s like “my own mother thought I was a monster” goddamn if that isn’t painful—it made you feel bad for her, even with her craziness, she just wanted a mother 😭 unnghhhh not me trying to redeem Naoya!!!! (more like make him… human)

Her absence was definitely the major point as to why Naoya turned out to be the way he did. With her gone, the last “happy” (let’s put it that way) thing inside the Zen’in was completely eradicated. Even if Naoya didn’t get to interact much with her, just by seeing her by afar he probably would’ve been like, wait…. What is… that—get a reference on how not to be an absolute, indisputable piece of shit.

He would’ve still turned to be a jackass, but maybe not that bad? Idk, people can have two parents and still turn batshit crazy.

Now, this also served to justify his womanizing ways lol. I don’t know why the fandom decided that was to be one of his traits (which I don’t mind I guess), considering he’s insufferable, but after watching one of my favorite youtuber’s expand on someone who behaved a similar way, I was like DAMN is that Naoya.

People tend to seek attention through various ways, and for Naoya that would be in countless women. It’s peak mommy issues, I know, but in his defense… don’t we all have parent issues 😭? Anyways, Naoya tried to search for that one person that would cherish/love him unconditionally, someone that made him truly special, saw for who he was and not for what he had… (can you believe I based that “you’re my favorite child because you’re the most talented one” line FROM A GODDAM DOUJINSHI? I won’t go into details, but it’s a certain obnoxious, irritating heir from a prestigious clan and his renegade cousin HAHAHAHAHH)

I mean, I get it, but what was Naoya expecting to find by flaunting his wealth in order to meet people? Not to say that everyone is like that but come on lol. And he wasn’t even selective about them either? He would just go with the one he considered attractive/convincing enough and hoped for the best, I guess? He became pickier further down the road (aw, Naoya eventually learned to be choosy lol) stopping only, of course, when he eventually met his beloved Y/N :> Just another tease for their first meeting (I feel like I’m hyping this too much, I hope it ain’t disappointing when it finally appears on the story)

Well, even if he cares for Y/N, he still takes a lot from Naobito. He’s lucky Y/N is essentially trapped with him because she would’ve left the moment she could—she’s not like Tomoko, she still has someone to support her so… the clock is ticking Naoya.

Now onto the other BS family, the L/N.

This is the part I liked the most, because it’s more inclined to the whole “expanding how jujutsu can be used” kind of thing.

I already knew that Minako was going to… die like that and was looking forward to expanding on it when it finally came to it. (I just know that Ren, Hinata, and Y/N would hate this one vine with a burning passion—Gojo is the one to show it to them and they will beat his ass) doubling down when the whole culling games arc thingy happened on the manga, I was like DAMN so that’s what Kenjaku was doing? What was going to happen with Tsumiki? oohoHOHOHO, although I don’t think both things could relate considering the timeline and the requirements to mark them… or who knows? I don’t remember if it was specified when Kenjaku started marking people, or if Tsumiki and the rest of the victims were the first ones. (there’s allot of things that don’t make sense to me 😭 and I haven’t kept up with the manga tbh)

Well, it didn’t stop me from going on with my plan, and thus I began to torture Y/N and her family.

The reason why Minako got cursed… was easy: because some sorcerers were jealous/desperate to get to her. After seeing how strong her kids were, they thought “well maybe we can kidnap her and use her” but after that proved to be a failure, they decided “if we can’t have her, no one can.”

It’s really sick to know that, but with a crazy-ass community as the one the jujutsu world has… I really couldn’t think of anything else. I mean, the Kamo’s…

Anyways, I always wondered what it meant to be haunted in this universe. Once again, I don’t remember if it was ever mentioned/shown (outside of haunting places) so I had to exploit that to my advantage.

I know curses are seen by sorcerers, but I like to think that those powerful enough, maybe having a set goal/victim/target manage to become invisible to everyone but them—either by sheer determination or something lol. No, but really, that must depend on the level/power/talent of the sorcerer that begins the haunting as well as the curse, and if they’re really powerful they might be able to zero-in on their victim completely untraceable, God help if the person isn’t a sorcerer. Like, no one will be able to feel a curse is nearby.

Because it takes great skill (to pass undetected), only a handful can perform the ritual it takes to haunt someone, making it a dangerous practice. I’d like to believe it was eventually forbidden at one point, thus destroying all records showing how to do so.

And because I want to, there are levels of haunts too hehehe, here are the ones I can think of right now:

Those to harass. Self-explanatory, they’re just there to bother, and depending on the intention, they might hurt too.

Those to influence. Do someone else’s bidding, an additional voice for your conscience. The victim might think it’s them thinking such thoughts and enact them on their own within time. They’re fully conscious of what’s happening, might question if they truly want to do that, but they go through with it anyways.

Those to control. Take full control of their body and conscience. It’s the harsher one of the three to do (as well as difficult to trace), because its success greatly depends on the will of the victim. If the victim is strong-willed the haunt might take some time to work, if at all, and depending on the curse, it might find ways to debilitate them to ease their entrance. Once controlled, the victim will not remember anything that happened until after, rarely are they conscious during the act.

Minako was affected by the last one—however, it didn’t go as successfully as the perpetrator wanted because I like to imagine that since the OG rituals were wiped out, the only thing that managed to survive (if anything) were pieces here and there of information, leaving the rest to the imagination haha.

It’s why Minako was still able to fight it off a bit, and remember some things. But yeah, someone was intending to take control of her—and she was fighting that person (as shown by those allegedly senseless conversations) to stay away from her, but in the end she succumbed.

Omg I just thought… what if Minako, upon noticing the curse user’s intentions, decided to sabotage her body??????????????? Stop eating so they wouldn’t control her? Omg………………………………………………………………………………………………

But of course, the notes are here to give closure on some things, so… even with Minakos’ strong will, the curse managed to inflict enough damage on her, the result of those actions being the marks on across her body, setting her up to be controlled.

I gotta say, even though the L/N are absolute, always-wrong, pieces of poop, they did the right thing by “killing” Minako during this stage, because the next thing would’ve been the curse controlling her.

The rumor of them being the ones responsible of her death is nasty. But not so crazy, considering the elders really did not like Minako for something that wasn’t even her responsibility, but try convincing these “old-style” bastards out of it…

Writing this made me think of a question idk if anyone wondered lol considering these rituals were “banned” it would make sense someone would try to report them to HQ right? or if it’s something new, never-seen before… right?

Well, Eiichi tried, but without solid evidence, it could easily just be a rumor—and a waste of time/money to pursue. He was very angry with that, believe me, and scolded the elders for wasting an opportunity to prevent another family from suffering the same.

However, if they had been responsible of that… they obviously wouldn’t rat out the person that helped them.

Omg…. What if in the au where Toji takes Naoaki’s role or so, he was taking jobs on the side, shady ones, and he was actually involved in Minako’s death (to not say he was the one responsible)?????????????????????????????????????????????????? that might be the point where she starts to look at Naoya under a different light lol.

But yeah, going back to the actual story, gee, what an entanglement, truly. F the jujutsu community.

The following point is the deepening of the relationship of the main branch, a.k.a Eiichi, Minako, and all them kids.

I always envisioned all of the kids being super close to Minako, and not because they disliked Eiichi (he was a good dad—just… awkward lol. Uncool, and just how Posh Spice would say... yeah, poor Eiichi 😂. He’s definitely an avid practitioner of dad-jokes) but because his duties often kept them apart; he tried his best to be present, but it’s hard sometimes.

They all loved them kids tho, but because of particular reasons I will disclose later, that being now, Y/N was the favorite one. After Hinata and Ren filled the L/N clan’s expectations, it essentially allowed Y/N to have allot of free time with her parents, so they were able to dote on her more frequently.

It just made me wonder how much Y/N had to train in order to keep up with them (specially Hinata) since she wasn’t a priority when it came to her jujutsu education—I’m sure they all did what they could so she wouldn’t be left behind, but more likely than not she did lots of self-learning.

I really liked the opportunity this chapter gave me to deepen Ren’s, Hinata’s, and Eiichi’s motivations. I swear to God their subconscious took Y/N’s abducting as “yet again, another sorcerer (clan) trying to hurt our family”

Of course this was enough for them to snap, but they all reacted differently.

Because Eiichi felt completely alone without Minako, it was easier for him to be manipulated by the Zen’in (allegedly AHAHAH) and because they were so aggressive about it, he genuinely thought Y/N would be much better with them than him continuing to resist, so there’s that—but if it’s worth anything, he’s deeply regretful for having succumbed and there’s not a day where he doesn’t believe Minako is cursing him from heaven. Of course, those thoughts come more to him while he’s drunk, another consequence of having lost her. He was an occasional drinker, mostly social, but his grief certainly took him to that point.

Ren was probably the most aware one when his mom got sick, and thus, the one that probably felt the most responsible. Going on and on about how he was supposed to be a sorcerer, just a few years away from entering jujutsu high, and yet didn’t figure out his mother was being haunted/cursed. The guilt inside him was so big, he had to get out of the house as quickly as possible—one of the many reasons why he decided to study in Kyoto at first, only coming back later when he grew disappointed by the environment there (which just made him remember of the elders of his clan he hates so much) and missed his family, so he eventually returned. It was kind of a “well, if I’m going to be angry all the time, I’d rather be angry with my family around.”

Hinata also felt very, very guilty for what happened to Minako, mainly because of her cursed technique. She went through a phase of constantly demeaning herself, calling herself “inept” or “stupid” because her technique is supposed to protect the user/target from those kinds of attacks—this led her to become far more… involved/creative with her technique, trying to exploit her limits as much as she could to prevent something like this ever escaping her attention.

Y/N felt the most isolated, because she heavily relied on being with someone, (thanks to the elders being nasty with her ugh) you know? Someone to support her. The rest tend to deal with their own things by themselves, and while they still supported each other, it wasn’t the same. I guess that’s the reason why she was so excited to attend jujutsu high, only to be left virtually alone when the whole crisis thing happened and no new students were enrolling, worsening when Naoya decided to further isolate her from the rest of the world when marrying her. Her getting heavily attached to Naoaki, Mariya and the gang, Mai and Maki, shouldn’t be a surprise at this point. Specially Naoaki nnnhhhhggghhhhhh.

I know there were different expectations for this chapter, mainly because we’ve been desperately hoping for the moment Naoya and Y/N will finally talk lol. And I gotta say I might’ve disappointed some by how she essentially ran away… but I promise it will be worth it in the end lol Y/N running out on him like that is good I believe, cause she’s shocked that Naoya is actually capable of feeling anything else, but you know, pure evil.

These two chapters were mostly intended to show the human side of Naoya, Y/N’s reaction to it and just how similar their backgrounds were when it came to their mother's.... but with outcomes so different.

To give him emotions (and show how he handles them—terribly. I mean, he got sick!! HAHAH it’s like that one episode in atla where Zuko is good for the first time in his life and gets sick) and maybe deepen their relationship. It helps that Y/N is very empathetic to those around her… but it’ll be up to her and how he decides to act during this time if something happens between the two.

I gotta say, if I play my cards right, I think we’re like 3 chapters away from that one chapter I’VE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE FOR FOREVER I SWEAR ALL THIS SLOW BURN WILL BE WORTH IT. :> But until then…

Thank you so much for coming for a new update!!!! I know I’ve been taking quite the hiatus here and there, but it does not mean I don’t find importance in this fic, and the support you’ve given me 🥺❤️ Thank you so much for being patient with me! Can’t wait to show what’s coming next!!

As always, these are just important parts I remember as highly influential for the chapter, but if there's something you'd like to know more about don't hesitate to let me know!! I'll do my best to respond ❤️

Now, take care, have a wonderful week, and hope to see all of you soon!!

[lesbienbys]

so I recently just read all of the trigun manga in like 2 days bc I'm mentally ill (which I don't recommend bc my head hurt from crying all day) and it's literally changed my life. The characters, the themes, the story, everything was literally perfect and tailored for Me.

Spoilers for the whole manga series from here!

One of the first things that left me stunned about this series was the first two scenes in trigun of vash in his angel form. The panels are just so stunning and had me devouring the beautiful yet kind of fucked up concept. I love how the angel form isn't just *insert pretty angel wings* but is kind of all over the place and weird, but still really cool looking (for me anyways). Also the whole being a plant is SO dope and vash's hair getting darker as he uses his form more is just *grips table* I love.

What stood out to me and was the positive light in this series when shit got really heavy, was vash's connections with humans. You realize that he's been alone for 150+ years and many people who he connected with either died from non-natural causes or grew too old. And he's always left surviving on his own. And even if he has people who he connects with in the present (his home with his sensei or lina and her grandma) he doesn't stay for very long. With the exception of meryl, milly, and wolfwood who we see with him throughout the story. I personally would have liked to see a bit more from the girls, especially milly, but let me say I adore them so much. They are so swag.

Now let me get into wolfwood. This fuckin' guy has literally jumped to being my favorite fictional character of all time. 90% of the time when I cried it was because of this dude. I'm not good at explaining why I like certain characters, but his dynamic with vash just hit a certain way. The fact that he was able to click with someone like vash, who he both admires and dislikes because of his persistence with his ideals, is such a good way to show the difference in their characters. In the beginning wolfwood didn't care about shooting people if it meant he survived, and then near his death you can see him not taking the kill shots on his enemies. And one of my favorite things in media ever is seeing someone change because of another person. Also speaking of change, when wolfwood in the beginning is like "I don't think I'll ever change" when talking about murdering people and then later on vash is like "you can change" HDKFJSHD I'm in pain. How are they so good.

More on wolfwood, I think his death scene is one of the most beautiful death scenes ever. Like of course I didn't want him to die (tbh he had so many death flags that I was pretty prepared for it) but if I had to make him go out?? That's exactly how I would've done it. The confetti raining down, knowing that he saved his family, getting to finally treat vash to a drink even though the whole knives thing wasn't over yet.... like he got what he wanted! And I can't really complain about that because he deserved that (and so much more). But also wdym he died I just saw him in starbucks yesterday.

So yeah I think the connections that vash has with others is my favorite part of the series. The fact that he's more human than many actual humans. The way he loves humans with all his heart and believes in their existence. There's so much hope wrapped up in this funky little piece of media.