#my family never fails to let me know how my insecurities make them all very angry

[planetnini]

LOVE TO KEEP ME WARM !

࿔･ﾟ*࿐ for the first time ever satoru is left puzzled just by a simple question from tsumiki, but he knows just how to prove his love for you + gn!reader. fluff with some angst— use of nicknames (baby, sweetheart), found family trope <3, girl dad satoru agenda, he is a bit insecure but it gets resolved, cutest fucking declaration of love ever, surprises! snow shenanigans, mistletoe kiss, satoru is the best boyfie ever i love him (5.8k words)

notes. this is a gift!!!! so it will cater to the interests and personality of my person but everything else is very vague :) merry new years secret santa thing @scarameows-world !!!! very late by the time this gets published but whtever.. i'm the reindeer that's been up in your inbox <3 we had alot of good talks and i hope we can stay in touch after this :") now here's a cute little fic i made for you about the one and only gojo satoru. title is inspired by this song

gojo satoru is a man whose proficiency knows no bounds. he is a force to be reckoned with ushering a new era of powerful sorcerers and curses due to his possession of both the six eyes and limitless technique. he could do almost anything as one might expect and everything came naturally to him. he never had any doubts about himself, but then came along you. 

satoru was a natural when it came to flirting, but he was not accustomed to the rejection he faced in his early days when you would ‘let him down easy’– it was nothing short of disastrous, always ending in banter between you two. yet somehow you had your wicked ways of making him chase even though all you two did was flirt. after several attempts to woo you and you finally stepping up, one thing led to another now here you were, co-parenting two kids with the man you once swore you’d never be with. satoru was 100% sure that he would be yours for infinity, but it wavered on this particular day. 

satoru was on a little errand run with tsumiki whom he had entrusted with pushing the trolley around as he scanned the list you had made for tonight’s dinner and activity. she was a young and incredibly happy girl who was much friendlier than her brother, megumi. when satoru adopted the two, tsumiki had taken a liking to him immediately whilst megumi took a liking towards you so he had taken her on the trip. it had been going well, with them doing the final grocery run after spending what felt like hours picking out the perfect wreath for the front door, however tsumiki’s question stopped him right in his tracks.

“do you love y/n?” she asked, a little curious look decorating her features.

“that’s a silly question. of course i do!” he uttered, scanning the wreaths with his eyes picking out the perfect one because quite frankly, he didn’t know how to react. 

people naturally assume that growing up from a family who viewed him as an ornament and coddled him that he would be a closed book or lacking in social skills but his first few years at jujutsu tech proved everyone wrong: he was not just a pretty face who could get away with just that. in the end, his love for others was his weakness and tsumiki had brought up something that satoru had failed to anticipate. what did she see that satoru couldn’t and was that even possible?

she took the wreath from his hands and put it into the trolley bringing him back to the present, “how do you know you love y/n?” she paused, and tsumiki must be sadistic for making him suffer like this, “what does it feel like?” she asked, looking up at him.

satoru looked down at the child, surprised by her questions. he paused for a moment, considering how to articulate such an answer to a complex question. was it that hard to believe that gojo satoru was capable of loving someone?

while satoru would never admit it at the start, he needed megumi and tsumiki more than they needed him. after suguru’s defect, they especially reminded him that sometimes blood wasn’t all that important when it came to the people you loved. he loved them but in a completely different way than he loved you. a love so unequivocal that it was impossible for people not to know how truly and deeply in love satoru was with you, so he wasn’t sure where he went wrong but perhaps it wasn’t enough.

“well,” he began a thoughtful look on his face, “loving someone is different to everyone. i guess i can’t really explain it other than a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and it makes you feel like everything is right…” he replied, her eyes lighting up with understanding, “you care for their happiness the most, that you’d even share your favourite candy.” he chuckled with a playful glint in his eyes, trying not to sound too sentimental.

“so you feel warm and fuzzy when you see y/n?” she looked up curiously at satoru.

he chuckled, ruffling the child's hair, "yeah, exactly. now come on, let’s finish this quickly so we can go home. get something for yourself and your brother.” he winked to which tsumiki nodded eagerly, seemingly satisfied with his answer as she rushed down the aisle finding something to bring home.

the atmosphere between satoru and the girl was no longer tense but satoru’s mind was swirling. he was reflecting on the innocence of the question as he took control of the trolley now, finished with his chores for the day. he even went as far as buying you something too but tsumiki had inadvertently planted a seed of doubt in his mind and now satoru was spiralling. did he love you enough? was his warm and fuzzy feelings strong and genuine, or was it something he convinced himself of after everything that went down? the simplicity of her question left satoru questioning himself and for the first time in forever, he is unsure of his relationship with you.

“i thought i told you that they can’t stay up late.” you spoke while washing the dishes. satoru could only lightly chuckle as he rinsed the plate, putting it on the drying rack. he knew you only meant well but he enjoyed seeing you like this more than he had expected: seeing you so worried and being such a caring person towards them. it was not like he had forced you to take care of them, it was through your own volition that you practically raised them.

“come on…” he drawled a little pout on his lips, “they said they didn’t want to decorate the tree without you tomorrow.” he reasoned, knowing that the two children in the living room were your true weakness and that just as much as you do for them, they’d do for you too. the way a simple sentence morphed your furrowed brows into a look of gratitude proved his point.

“do they actually want to decorate the tree with me or is it only because you bought them sweets today?” you accused.

“they’re much older now,” he reassured with a tone you doubt has any good intentions, “besides, i think it’s fair if we stop their ban on sweets, don’t you?” he asked with a simple hip nudge and you roll your eyes at the gesture.

he was happy with this, with how things were going in your life right now, in fact he couldn’t get enough of it. his request was simple, but you wasted no time immediately retaliating, “you just want to freely eat your sweets and use them as an excuse.” 

“what little faith you have in me!” he gasped and you have to stifle a laugh, “plus, they’re kinda scary when they don't get their way.” he joked, leaning back on the counter with his arms crossed to get a better view of you who had just finished washing and drying your hands after dinner. 

“how the higher-ups trust someone like you on those missions, i have no idea. i wonder how they would react if they found out you can’t handle two children.” you said, flashing him a smile. mentioning the higher-ups in the conversation made satoru’s blood boil but it had been tamed when he caught that little shake of your head combined with your smile. he had been contemplating the nature and depth of his feelings for you but tonight had proved that it was all a fluke– just seeing you was enough to remind him that nothing about loving you could ever be doubted, because loving you was as natural as breathing.

satoru leaned down to meet your eyes as you turned to face him, “sweetheart, if you want me home instead of on missions, you could just say so.” he smirked– a signature gojo satoru look that you couldn’t tell if you loved or hated.

you narrowed your eyes at him, “i hope you get put on more missions.” 

“you wound me.” he grunted, a hand over his heart feigning hurt but you knew that he was joking.

“you can take it.” you hummed, eyebrows scrunching as he stared down at you lovingly with a smile etched across his face.

there have been so many moments between you, satoru and the kids that blossomed with joy– something that felt lost in a world rife of evil– but you forget that you’re both still fairly young, thwarted into roles of guardians. you loved satoru since you were teens and seeing that this was your first relationship ever, it is only normal to feel insecure, and normal that you have doubts that satoru could ever truly love you.

while staring at satoru your mind can’t help but swirl with thoughts and he catches on immediately, perceptive as ever due to his six eyes and well, being gojo satoru. he sees it in your contemplative sighs that he had been hearing throughout the week, in your crafted smile, the way your shoulders are tensed and your jaw clenched: he knows you’re feeling some way right now because even your eyes don’t have their usual spark. your name rolls off his tongue so naturally, as if he was born to say it, as he reaches up to brush his hand across your cheek.

“what’s on your mind?” he questioned with a tilt of his head, thumb caressing your cheek. to him, the signs are as clear as day that you were troubled with thoughts of something and he wouldn’t rest until he found out what was going on in that beautiful mind of yours.

that warm fuzzy feeling intensified, secret moments between the two of you that the young girl was unaware of. it’s times like this you’re grateful that satoru is so in touch with how you felt most times and you can’t help the relief that settles in your heart when you realise you were so lucky to have him in your life, “it’s nothing,” you shook your head with a smile plastered on your face, “just… thank you for everything you did the other day,” you said, genuinely appreciative of his contribution to megumi’s birthday dinner, “i know you don’t think that he likes you but he really does look up to you.” you admitted.

“my charms aren’t all that bad.” he hummed, a proud nod as you snorted at his holier-than-thou tone.

your eyes closed at the soft contact of his lips on the crown of your head, warmth spreading all throughout your body during the cold winter month. you crave him and his touch, and you’re lucky that he hasn’t been put on any missions, specifically requested (he threatened the higher-ups knowing his status) to stay home with you and the others for just a couple of weeks. a small sigh left his lips as he started moving his hands away from your face up over his blindfold, the loss of contact made you pout slightly. your hand came over his, stopping him with a simple action, “are you sure you want them off?” you whispered, your voice dripping with concern.

“i want to see you.” he said, without an ounce of hesitation in his response. 

“i don’t like the migraines it gives you when you have them off.” you retaliated as you shook your head resolutely. he wants to listen to you, seeing how much you cared for him and laid your heart out for him. the love you had for him was overflowing and he did not know how he got so lucky.

“i can take it,” he insisted, voice a mix of both amusement and affection, “besides, i’ll endure any and all amounts of pain just for you.”

“after that declaration, i better not hear a complaint out of you.” you said, smiling up at him as you begin to unwrap the blindfold yourself. your delicate fingers moved the bandages around his head, undoing the white bandages. the gesture made satoru relax in your touch as you pulled them away from his face. being able to let his guard down after suguru had been difficult but you were a rare (and lucky) case.

once the bandages are undone, you can see that he’s wincing and squinting, probably due to the oversensitivity. adjusting to his surroundings, you brush his cheek with your thumb and his eyes flutter open to have a look at you, “hi beautiful.” he breathes out, utterly captivated by you.

you mirrored his look, squinting as you leaned forward with a smile wanting nothing more than to kiss him until– 

“what’s taking so long?” tsumiki yelled, surprising you and making the two of you jump from your spot. if satoru was masking his pain before, he wasn’t doing so now as he screwed his eyes shut and you feel extra protective of satoru now that his blindfold was off. he was extra sensitive to loud surroundings so when she came in shouting the two of you with his guard fully down, you knew satoru probably was still adjusting to having his blindfold off with the kids.

“did your brother put you up to this?” you asked.

“we were just wondering where you two were.” she replied bashfully.

“i told you they were kissing.” megumi groaned from behind her and if you weren’t embarrassed before, you wanted to dig your grave now that he had said it out loud.

“actually, we were rudely interrupted.” satoru complained, narrowing his eyes at megumi. living with them, you know how much megumi truly looked up to satoru but moments like this question why they were always at each other’s neck

megumi rolled his eyes, “have some manners you two,” you ordered, making tsumiki chuckle a bit, “i’m sorry for making you guys wait so long.” you apologised and you see megumi nod slightly at you.

“are you two in cahoots?” satoru whispered in your ear but you pushed him away jokingly. megumi was first to leave the room and tsumiki followed suit, but before satoru joined the two, you reached out grabbing his hand, “i know you said no presents this year, but-” you said, handing him a wrapped rectangular box.

“you said no presents for christmas.” he blurted out, confusion taking over his features.

“well, i sometimes doubt if you ever listen to me,” you looked up at him and you would be right because satoru had bought and wrapped your gift already, “just think of it as a very belated birthday present then.” you smiled at him, anticipating his reaction to your gift.

he opened the box carefully and he could see an engraving on a case, and his heart sunk. he knew he was in love with you, but was it possible to love you even more than he already had? he picked up the case and took out the special glasses he wore when he went out instead of the usual blindfold.

“i remember you said you needed new ones after they broke.”

“correction, when megumi broke my other ones.” he corrected. you rolled your eyes at him, and give him a light peck on the cheek, “thank you.” he spoke before you could make your way to help the children. 

“don’t break them again, i’m not made of money satoru.” you warned and situated yourself on the floor, sitting cross legged as you peered over at what the two had been up to when you and satoru were in the kitchen. tsumiki was unboxing some tinsel and megumi was taking care of the ornaments. to be honest, you weren’t sure when you became one of those families who went full out for christmas. the only things you ever really did was presents or stockings and having dinner together. you were overlooking the process, not really helping, or rather not knowing how to as you had never really had a tree let alone decorate one. 

“you’re not going to help?” tsumiki questioned, with a tilt of her head as she began to decorate the tree.

all the attention is turned to you now as you shake your head untangling some of the lights for the tree, “i mean, i’ve never really celebrated christmas with a tree and it’s for you guys right?”

“that’s sick and twisted!” satoru gasped, slumping down right next to you with his new sunglasses, “so you mean you’ve never had a christmas tree?” he exclaimed, and quite frankly you don’t really see the big deal.

“i wasn’t blessed with being born into a family like yours.” you teased and he took serious offence to that, not because he was offended by your comment but more so your nonchalance. 

“well, anything you want to do for christmas?” megumi asked, putting some of the ornaments on the tree. he always had an artistic perspective and you were glad he was putting so much thought into where each one went.

“i’m not going to be home until late at night, but i guess i’ve always wanted it to snow big enough that i could build a snowman.” you shrugged, looking at the kids.

“that’s impossible.” megumi groaned.

“how are we going to get it to snow?” she exclaimed.

“exactly. it’s alright,” you reassured as you stood up from your spot, “as long as i’ve got you guys, that’s all i could ask for.” you winked at them as you helped them get to the higher spots of the tree. satoru sits there watching as you now start to help the two decorate the tree and decide to help out. you are too distracted to see that his mind is swirling with ideas– he is determined to make your christmas a little more special and he has some ideas up his sleeve that he can’t wait to use.

you feel the exhaustion of staying up late last night settle deep into your bones when you’re on your way home from the mission. it wasn’t like you didn’t get enough sleep, you got just the perfect amount but not being home today to celebrate with the kids and satoru kind of made your heart sink. it had always been the four of you the entire day and sometimes occasionally with the others but being away from home, away from them had taken a big toll on your heart.

you wiped at your eyes with a yawn as you began making your way down the path to your house. the cool winter night was in full swing, trees moving slightly in the small rush of wind that passed by along with the small sprinkles of snow.  you took a deep breath and rubbed over your arms as you looked up at the sky. you weren’t lying when you said you wanted snow, it had always been a dream of yours to see falling snow, and enough that it might be enough to build a snowman, it was just something that hadn’t happened in a long time. 

you reached the house but the eerily quietness and lack of light concerned you, were they watching a movie or something or did they go out and not tell you beforehand? you brushed off your worries, unlocking the door walking into an empty house. the whole room was dark, nothing could be heard and your heart was stuck in your chest, stopping at just the mere thought of not being completely alone right now. 

you could hear some whispers and instinctively your hand went up, charging up your cursed technique as you hear some shuffling until an array of fairy lights went off above you, decorated meticulously going up the stairs and some nice garlands all around, warm lighting and while you’re staring at the lights, you don’t notice the three standing right in front of you.

“welcome home.” they shouted, and you swear you had felt that much relief in your entire life.

“i could’ve hurt you guys!” you exclaimed, a hand over your heart. the soft vinyl record you distinctly remember shoko gifting you after seeing you eye it last christmas playing from the living room, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“well that defeats the whole point of a surprise if i told you, right guys?” he said, and it is only now you realise that he has a santa hat on with the other two in ugly sweaters. you know megumi would be less than happy to be dressed in this right now but you assume he did so for you and couldn’t help the way the corner of your lips curved up at the sight. this… this is what you loved about your little family, and you knew it was wrong to call it a family– the two kids aren’t yours, and you’re not married to satoru but this moment, combined with the cute late night you shared with them just the night prior confirmed that you were all closer than that and how much they loved you.

“you did not need to do this for me,” you sighed, a little overwhelmed by how well decorated everything was. you hadn’t even noticed the holly, the bells, candles, and a bunch of other festive decorations– they really went all out. you wonder just how they pulled it all together but then you remembered that satoru would stop at nothing when it came to his gestures, “and you definitely did not need to drag them into this.” you added, kneeling down in front of them so that you could hug tsumiki and as you stood up you looked at megumi and ruffled his hair despite how much you know he hated when satoru did it, when you did it, you weren’t met with the same grumpy huff.

satoru gasped, “hey, these two were asking if you’d like them and i pointed them in one direction okay?” he defended but as you looked down at the two they were shaking their heads as if to refute his words, “don’t listen to them. they did it because they love you just as much as i do.”

respectfully, you hated satoru but not in a way that was malicious but for always making you feel like the luckiest person on earth. for being friends with you back then when it seemed like the world wasn’t on your side, for allowing you to stay in his life after losing his friend, for letting you take care of two of the most beautiful children ever. he was one of the sweetest people you ever knew and you doubt any gift or gesture would be enough to make up for the man that he is. without realising you had tears stream down your face, and you bring your hand up over your face to cover it. you weren’t usually the type to cry over something so trivial but here you were.

“i can’t believe you made y/n cry on christmas.” megumi complained, trying to lighten the mood as tsumiki’s mouth dropped.

"y/n's fine!" satoru reassured and you can’t help but laugh as you wiped away some of the tears. before you could speak satoru went over to you, engulfing you in a hug, “you better not apologise for crying. there’s nothing you need to be sorry for.” he reassured, rubbing circles on your back. you nod profusely, trying to keep yourself calm in front of the others (not that they’d never seen you cry before) before pulling away from the hug. you stared into his cerulean eyes, out and free from their usual blindfold or glasses, “it’s nice to see you my love.” he whispered, meant only for your ears. 

you chuckled, pressing your lips into his cheek before turning around, “how about we open some gifts? how does that sound?” you smiled and their eyes lit up, brighter than the lights all inside the house and they scattered off like little mice to the living room where the tree was, with quite a few presents under the tree (courtesy of satoru’s money but joint in terms of thinking of what to get them) and you followed behind. satoru threw his arm over your shoulder as you took a seat on the couch as they got ready to unwrap their gifts.

“are you hungry?” he asked softly as they started unwrapping their gifts, the one in the penguin wrapping paper which satoru had wrapped up himself.

“i had something to eat on the way back.” you reassured and he nodded.

the two had spent quite a while opening satoru’s gifts. you noticed that the presents were some things the two children had mentioned once a very long time ago and were quite surprised that satoru had hand picked these gifts himself without asking you for help. you knew that he noticed every little detail about the people in his life but it made you wonder if he got you a gift after you said not to. you wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t get you one and vice versa.

“i got you that one.” you spoke, trying to contain your excitement as megumi picked up your gift, wrapped in some candy cane paper. you watched as he unwrapped it, revealing a digital camera and you hear tsumiki exclaim, excited for her gift now.

“a camera?”

you sat up, moving away from satoru as you leaned forward, “i know there aren’t that many pictures of you guys around the house so i got you that so we could start printing some out and putting them up.” 

megumi couldn’t hold in his gratitude any longer bringing you in for a hug, “thank you y/n.” he said, and you hugged him back, kissing him on the cheek. satoru was going to make a comment about how he also wanted a hug after all the gifts he gave but it was a special moment shared between the two of you and he was not going to ruin the moment.

as megumi was setting up his camera with satoru’s help, you turned to tsumiki and watched as she unwrapped her own gift, she looked up from the box to you with shock all over her face, “y/n…” she whispered, voice cracking, “i can’t take this.” she said, handing you back the box.

“hey.. it's okay,” you reassured, lightly pushing the box back in her direction, “it’s a gift tsumiki.” 

you watched her pull out the necklace, the stunning small heart shaped engraved with her initial on it but that wasn’t all you got her. after observing the necklace and helping her put it on, she opened a box that contained a letter, telling her of how much you adored her with special keepsakes from some memories you shared throughout the year. you have never seen her so happy and when she hugged you, you catch the stare that satoru is giving you– absolutely entranced by how much you loved them. a simple flash takes you off guard as megumi takes his first picture on the camera.

“how about you guys get your coats, i have something to give y/n.” satoru stated and they ran off with excitement in their bones at his plan. he had filled them in but they weren't convinced he could pull it off.

“talk about a successful night.” you chuckled, picking up the wrapping paper and throwing it in the bag that satoru was holding. 

“get changed.” he spoke, taking the bag from you and now it’s your turn to be surprised again.

“what? where are we going?”

after getting changed, suspicion arising from his sudden ask of getting changed. you walk out of your room seeing everyone in their coats, scarves, and you watch as the children begin to walk out first leaving the two of you alone. 

“what are you up to satoru?” you questioned, furrowing your brows. 

“since you thought you could cheat your way around buying me a gift,” he replied honestly, which took you off guard, “i thought it was only fair if i got you some things as well.” there was a small box in his hand, and you took it from his hand. you held your breath as you unwrapped the paper to see a box tied with a ribbon. you opened the box, revealing nothing but a sheet of paper.

you definitely weren’t the ungrateful type but you were expecting something else like maybe a ring, a necklace or something else but as you examined the paper you looked up at him with your mouth wide open. it was a receipt of something you had been eyeing for a couple months but nothing you could excuse spending money on. you had been an avid lover since you were young and it was always your dream to have one of these.

“satoru.” you said, honestly starstruck at his gift.

“you have been eyeing that for so long,” he reasoned with a simple nudge of the shoulder, "merry christmas."

“i can’t accept this.” you shook your head, giving it back to him but you know it is relentless to deny his gifts especially after you pulled your little secret gift on him the other day.

satoru gave you a stare and pursed his lip, “you are keeping it. end of discussion.” he smiled as he started to wrap a scarf around you. satoru had always looked good in winter clothing, a scarf tucked around his neck and due to his infinity, he was never cold but still dressed to the occasion with his designer brands. he was so handsome…

“and since you’re not saying anything i'm assuming you don't like it?” he taunted. you told your brain to make a coherent sentence or at least move so you don’t make a fool of yourself just looking at the gift. you stared up at him, you used your free hand to push the scarf down from the bottom half of your face, "you know i thought you weren't going to get me anything?"

satoru had never stopped at any words faster than he had those, "what?" he answered with a shaky voice.

you scoffed holding his hand in yours, looking anywhere but into his eyes, "i thought you might do a whole 'i'm your gift' thing," you admitted, a little ashamed you had such little faith in him, "i guess you do love me."

"y/n..." he uttered, "if i have ever made you doubt i love you then i have failed as your boyfriend," he spoke and you could feel your whole body warm at his words. "you are everything to me even if you and megumi are in cahoots and pray on my downfall." he said and you shoved him. he winced lightly at the push and smiled as he pulled you close to him once more, eyes moving down to your lips then back up to your eyes.

“that was really sweet of you.” you uttered, looking up at him.

“sweet enough for a kiss?”

“unless you make it snow, i’m not kissing you.” 

“i think i deserve just one…” he teased as he leaned closer to you.

a hand suddenly grabbed yours, tsumiki's gloved one, and once again stealing that moment between you and satoru, "y/n! didn't you hear me?" she gasped as you saw the wet snow on her coat go from crystal into a wet drop.

"what happened? is megumi okay? are you okay?" you asked, hand brushing over her face as if to check for any injuries.

"it's snowing!" she exclaimed as she made her way back out.

you looked over at satoru baffled but you could just see him smile at you mischievously and you run out and to your surprise, the snow is pouring down from the sky and you now know that your christmas wish has been satisfied. looking up at the sky, you put your hand out as the snow falls into your hand and you chuckle even though you are freezing your ass off.

the children began throwing snowballs at each other and one hits you at the back of the head and you turn to see all three of them standing there staring at you. they all point at gojo before you decide to pick up some snow for yourself throwing it at him back, thankful his infinity was still down.

you truly appreciate satoru doing his best to make you happy because it was all you ever wanted. he got a snowball in the face before falling down on the floor, and all of you chuckled at him landing on his back as he began to sit up, snow covering his whole back side and all in his hair.

you knelt in the snow and began to make the snowman you've always wanted to during christmas with the help of the two and when you're done you notice him standing at the front porch just staring as tsumiki started doing snow angels and megumi's two wolf shikigami joining him in the snow. you don't know when he let them out but you just smiled as you approached satoru, "what are you doing here?"

"just admiring you," he complimented and you shake your head, "did i do okay?"

you stare at him in bewilderment before moving to press a kiss to his cheek, "you did well satoru. more than that if possible."

he smiled cheekily and you move your hand to drag him back into the snow, "come on..." you hummed as you tried to pull him away from the front porch but he refused to move and you stare at him with a tilt of the head, "what's wrong?"

"you said you would kiss me if i made it snow.” he recalled, hand on his chin as he tried to refresh your memory.

“how the hell did you manage to make it snow?” you snickered but he didn’t look like he was joking. you don’t know how he managed, he would never say but you shook your head, “sorry babe, i don’t think you can control the weather… it is quite unpredictable.” you shrugged, giving him a fake guilty look.

“it’s a christmas miracle!” he yelped with his smile that you know and have grown to adore so much and you follow his gaze to the mistletoe above your head, "you know the rules." he seethed trying to seem nonchalant.

"you're an idiot," you laughed before holding his face in your hands, tiptoeing a bit before pressing your lips to his. you pulled away and brushed his lips with your thumb a little, "i love you satoru, always."

he could only pull you back in for another kiss, smiling as he did so as the kids exclaimed in disgust and horror at the sight. "i love you y/n. here's to many more years with you." he whispered when he pulled away. it was a christmas you will never forget and one that tsumiki and megumi will also never forget, dramatically reminding you that they were traumatised from your little kiss.

tags! @stsgluver @sukxma (thank you for hosting the event)

i hope you love this lynne, i apologise it's not my best work and i'm sorry it took so long. i love you, i hope you're doing well

[ihatedean]

it's so small but there's something so interesting to me about the fact that when dean makes eileen's "pro list" with sam he says "she gets it. she gets us" instead of... you know, the much more normal and sane alternative when talking about your brother's potential partner, "she gets you."

it speaks volumes I think because there are so many examples of their attempts at a committed relationship failing specifically because [she] (insert whatever name you want here) did not get them. like, as a unit. [she] understood sam or understood dean and could maybe have given them something they wanted; you think you love someone, and yeah, there's baggage, he's been through some shit he doesn't want to talk about, but sometimes that's relationships, right? but if you had to pinpoint a moment in the relationship when things got bad, it would literally be the second the brother shows up. that's when you realize this man can't even imagine being anything but a half of something else. you love a person that is incapable of seeing himself as such. you loved a coping mechanism.

i don't think dean believes sam ever needed his seal of approval to be with eileen, not consciously at least, but the highlight of these late seasons is witnessing the aftermath of these two accepting that they cannot breathe if they don't know where the other one is. even worse, how natural they make it seem. of course i killed myself to bring you back. water is wet, dude, keep up. and just like dean said, eileen just... gets that. definitely because she met them at a very different point in their lives in comparison to, say, lisa or amelia. they have a security that only comes with seeing with your own eyes as your brother literally kills death for you. eillen knows that if she wants sam, he'll always carry dean with him. she might not fully understand how deep it goes or how bad it can get because she never witnessed it, all she knows is that brother trumps over girlfriend, she's not fighting it.

compared to sam who barely opens up to his partners and i assume only scratched the surface of The Thing with his brother, dean personally had his ex calling him out on his weird relationship with sam. like, lisa borderline insults them lol and though i don't think lisa's words made him insecure about it, it's not surprising he'd be more aware of eileen's reaction to it. "i tried the family thing" essentially means "i let someone see it."

if eileen stays there she'll be dating the two of them, just... in a not-fun, very unsexy way. and no one in that bunker stops for a second to think how deeply disturbing that is.

anyways i wrote this three days ago and thought maybe my brain made up the "she gets us" part, so i looked up the clip to make sure i'm not crazy and found this in the comments. thank you sinasina4170 on youtube two years ago. you said it a lot better in a lot less words.

[blues824]

Hello. Can I request Muzan, Douma, Akaza, Daki and Gyutaro (separately) with human S/O, who willingly help them for two reasons: first, their love towards them, and second, the fact that they f*cking hate people (lol, I really shouldn't watch YGOTAS that much)?

I am so sorry for how late this is. Also, imma make it so that you are married to them because I had no idea how else to execute this. Also also, kind of OOC, but eh.

Also also also, I hate people as well. All my readers are exceptions tho.

Muzan Kibutsuji

“My love, why are you so willing to help me?” He asked after you already went through most of his task list by yourself. You were even willing to lay down your own life for him if it ever came to that point. But why??

“Well, because I love you. In our wedding vows, I vowed that I would support you in any way that I could. I also just hate people” You responded honestly. Even if you had a horrible past, people just sucked in general.

Muzan seemed satisfied by your answer, responding by putting his hands on the side of your waist and pulling you in for a kiss. It was small moments like these with your husband that you treasured the most.

“Darling, on our wedding day, you looked so ethereal. As if you were a snow monarch in the midst of the stars of the night sky” He whispered into your ear. He always managed to make your heart squeeze in adoration for him.

“And you looked so unbelievably handsome, I was nervous about tripping on the aisle because I was so distracted.” You giggled as you looked into your husband’s eyes. He had a smile gracing his lips. It wasn’t normal for you both to be seen as lovey-dovey, but that doesn’t mean it never happens

Douma 

As a result of being joined together in matrimony, it only made sense that his followers became your followers as well. While being praised as a deity definitely has its perks, it was a lot to get used to in such a short amount of time. Especially if you weren’t particularly fond of humankind.

“Y/N, how are you adjusting to being the spouse of a highly worshiped demon?” He asked with a smile. We all know that he’s genuinely apathetic, but when he saw you for the first time… Alexa, play This Is What Falling In Love Feels Like by JVKE. 

“It’s a lot to adjust to, if I’m being honest. All the worship is a lot to handle. You know how much I don’t like people” You let out a weak laugh as you gave him your answer. He had a frown on his face as you said it. He pulled you into a hug and placed a kiss on your temple.

“On our very special day, I vowed that I would protect you and provide for you. If you don’t tell me these things, then I’m not doing my job as your husband.” He whispered to you. He felt like he failed you. Why wouldn’t you tell him something like this?

“You are doing a wonderful job as my husband, honey. It’s your followers that are the problem. I understand that you would get praise, but I would rather not have it.” Douma made a mental note to warn his followers that if they were so much as to breathe in your direction from now on, they would meet their end.

Akaza

He has forgotten what the word home meant before he met you. You were just so loving and you acted like his rock that kept him stable. You gave him a purpose other than becoming stronger. This is how he knew that he absolutely needed to marry you. However, you were still human.

“Baby, do you ever miss your family?” He asked as he saw you making something in the kitchen of your shared home. Times like these are times he can mistake you both as being a normal married couple in a normal house with normal lives. 

“You are my family.” You didn’t look up, instead you continued chopping the vegetables you were making for the stew. You knew that Akaza wasn’t able to consume it, but you were still human. “You’re the only one I need.”

“Yes, but before me you had a life with your friends and family. Surely you must miss them, or at least hold some resentment towards me?” You always hated when he would get insecure because he never saw how great he treated you compared to the people from your past.

“If I had to choose between you and my family, I would choose you no matter what. We made a vow to stick with each other for better, for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health.” He seemed happy with your answer, as he gave you a kiss on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind.

Daki

We all know how much of a child she is, but when you agreed to marry her, it increased by a lot. She became super clingy because of her past. However, you don’t mind. I mean, you knew you would never be treated horribly by her because of it. But she still has her insecurities.

“Sweetie, why are you still with me? You’re human, and you had a life before I took you away from it.” She ended her tangent with a sad sigh. It pained you to see her so blue, so you knelt in front of her and took her hands in yours.

“I’m still with you because we’re married and it’s not that easy to leave. I also love you and hate humans.” You said with a soft smile. Memories of your wedding day flashed through your mind: your wife (then fiance) was so beautiful in the white kimono. Gyutaro was sobbing in the front.

“If you could, would you ever go back?” She asked. She had never felt so sad, because she knew that she originally didn’t really give you a choice in the whole matter. Wasn’t marriage supposed to be a mutual agreement between both parties?

“Absolutely not. Instead, I would go back so that I could be the one to ask you to marry me. I love you, Daki. I wouldn’t give up what we have for the world.” You whispered. She had shed a few tears during your ‘speech’. Then she pulled you into her lap (she’s strong, your size doesn’t matter) and squeezed you tightly.

Gyutaro

If you think Daki was clingy, you haven’t seen anything yet. Sure at first he was extremely distant, but when you reassured him that you weren’t leaving he held on for dear life. If his hand isn’t in yours, his whole arm is around your waist.

“Baby, why don’t you leave me? You’ve always stuck by my side, but why?” Even if he was super powerful, he still had those days of doubt. And on those days, you would make him lay his head in your lap and run your fingers through his hair while you tell him the reasons why you love him.

“Let’s see… because you’re the most handsome, loving, amazing husband that I could ever ask for. You protect me, love me, and make good on your promises to me that you made at our wedding.” With each thing you listed, Gyutaro’s blush worsened more and more.

“But you could do so much better than settling down with me. You’re graceful, kind, and a good listener.” He rambled on and on. Once he got going, it was hard for him to stop. It saddened you that you couldn’t just reach in and extract all self-deprecating thoughts from his mind.

“Gyu, I chose you for a reason. If I didn’t want to marry you, I wouldn’t have said yes when you proposed. I wouldn’t have said I do after our vows. I love you, Gyutaro. Now, accept it.” You jokingly threatened. You always knew how to make him feel better.

[locustonlioden-blog]

Hazbin Hotel Episode Rewrites

Episode 1 (will be doing all of them)

Take out the “precious daughter” line. This makes no sense seeing how Lilith ditched the family and Lucifer is supposed to be super distant. We get 0 evidence these were involved, doting parents that put a bunch of effort into raising Charlie. Perhaps change it to “And now, its up to their precious daughter” meaning Charlie has taken it upon herself to mend things, instead of making it sound like she’s been coached all along for her role.

Adam and Lute are put off to find out its Charlie meeting with them, not Lucifer as usual. The meeting was arranged because of the very important matter of an exterminator angel being killed for the first time ever, and an important discussion was needed. Adam is much less a 1 dimensional comic relief dude bro.

“So, are you taking over extermination arrangements for now on?”

“Uh, no...actually, it was just kind of out of the blue that he told me about the meeting and asked me to come-”

(seriously, Lucifer supposedly didn’t know about the hotel, or at least he pretended not to, lets just assume he does but didn’t let on to Charlie that he’s watching her)

“Did he tell you why?”

“Ah, no-but, it was really convenient because you see, I have an idea that would actually END the need for exterminations-”

At this point Adam is seriously put off. They just found out demons can kill angels-this has to be a distressing revelation. Now of all times, the guy they have a serious deal with chooses to send someone who wants to talk about ENDING the exterminations? This would almost feel like a threat. So now they want out of the deal? No way! He would feel a need to reassert dominance and get things back under control. Who do these demons think they are? Cue their aggressive mocking and song, followed by throwing Charlie out as they do in the actual episode. He doesn’t even bother to explain why they are moving the extermination up. He’s not going to talk to Charlie. She has not established any sort of repertoire with him that makes him feel as though she is worth having an actual discussion with about a serious matter.

Commercial subplot: Alastor offers a deal to Vaggie in order to help make a successful commercial for Charlie.

“You’re insane, I’d never make any sort of deal with some shitlord

“Hm, such a pity, Charlie will be so let down to see how you fail to manage her project even a day without her. She has to do everything. Why are you even around? Do you really think the princess of hell needs physical protection from a sinner with a spear?”

*sighs* “You making the video for me isnt going to help that.”

“My dear, it wasnt raw power that bent all of Hells sinners to my will. You seem to know me quite well...(this is where we can reintroduce the Alastor lore Vaggie game to Angel Dust in the pilot, instead of waiting until the Mimzy episode to give anything) ...so you see, I have no problems getting things done, and I would be willing to teach you. Imagine what Charlie could achieve, and how much quicker, if she had a competent partner at her side…”

“I’m not making a deal! And you can have fun entertaining yourself with an empty hotel. Nobodys going to want to come to a place a powerful overlord like you so obviously takes as a joke”

“Well, I WILL make a worthy advertizement for the hotel, but I’m going to do it the RIGHT way, and do it for radio!”

She doesn’t make a deal here, but the seeds have now been sown. Her insecurity and feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness are gnawing. She has little feelings of self worth-would it be so bad to sacrifice herself in a deal with Alastor if it meant assuring Charlie achieves her dream? She is tempted.

Vaggie uses a little cunning here. While Alastor manipulates the inhabitants of the hotel to give fantastic line deliveries using a variety of amusing tactics, Vaggie secretly records with the video camera. At the end of the day, Alastor smugly announces that he has the radio ad all ready. When Charlie returns, Vaggie cuts in and says radio AND television ad! The ad then starts to play and is cut off by the news like in the actual episode. Alastor was initially amused she tried to make a tv ad anyway, but he sees enough to tell that she recorded him making the radio ad. His smile tightens, eyes narrow, and he fades off.

[imonanotherlebel]

Heey, i saw ur asks r open and i think i might need smtng abt hoshi or woozi helping their s/o coping with life stress fam stuff university and work at same time cuz i feel exhausted and i'm serious need of a delulu tap on my shoulder

Thanks✨

Oooooo I love this ask, babes. Let me write about Hoshi. I hope it's okay!

Personal note to anon: I hope you're doing okay babes. Life is very stressful and hard. But I want you to know that every storm ends eventually, and a beautiful time will come by soon. Hang in there!<3❤️

Genre: Tooth rotting fluff with abhint of angst.

Requested: I feel like Hoshi would step up and take all your life stress away as a partner. Like, he is such a sweetheart omg my heart! 😭❤️

Pairing: Hoshi x reader

Warnings: Mentions of food, i guess? WARNING, LOT OF LOVE AHEAD!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hoshi breezed into your shared apartment, a playful glint in his eyes, ready to infuse the space with his trademark energy. However, a subtle change in your demeanor caught his attention.

"Hey, love, something's on your mind. Mind sharing with me?", he asked, his voice etched with concern.

You, caught off guard, offered a tired smile. "Just the usual uni and work stress, Hoshi. You know how it is."

Leaning in, Hoshi's playful expression shifted to genuine concern. "I know you better than that, baby. What's really going on, Y/n? Talk to me."

You sighed, deciding to drop the façade.

"Alright, family issues are piling up, and deadlines at uni are suffocating. Work isn't making it any easier. I still haven't completed my assignment which is due in two days. I don't know Hosh, I feel like I'm drowning."

Seated beside you, Hoshi gently took your hand in to his, rubbing them softly. "You're not alone in this, babe. We're a team. Tell me what's specifically bothering you."

You hesitated a little, then opened up about the complexities of your family dynamics, demanding courses, and the relentless pressure at work. Hoshi listened intently, his expressive eyes mirroring empathy.

"I didn't want to burden you with all this," you confessed, vulnerability seeping into your voice.

You have always been the person your family expected to be responsible and strong. You have gone through so many painful and difficult times on your own, never burdening anyone with them. Your tears had always been in between you and your pillow and the four walls of your room.

Hoshi cupped your face. "Love, your struggles are mine too. We face them together. Don't ever think you're burdening me.", he said concern and love written all over his face.

Hoshi, although usually is a playful, childish and funny person, knew when he had to step up and take the wheel so that you could let your guard down and lean on him for comfort.

.......

Over the next days, your interactions evolved into a symphony of shared moments. Hoshi was extra careful with you, always checking on you without bothering you too much.

Hoshi surprised you with more than just grand gestures – little notes carefully placed on the fridge or tucked into your books before heading to practices. Each note carried words of encouragement, love, and even a few goofy drawings which never failed to make you smile.

........

One day, as you got home after uni, you saw a pretty little bento box cake with a note next to it which read "Pretty cake for my pretty girl. Eat it all and regain your energy okay? And I know you get pretty stressed with your assignments at hand, so I have bought some of your favorite ice cream for you. It's in the fridge, okay? Love you baby! - Hosh<3"

Oh I wish I could eat this but my face is bloated and I feel like I might have gained some weight, so maybe just one bite. You felt so insecure as the stress from being so overworked kept you away from taking care of your body as you usually do.

You pulled out the little spoon and took a little bite off the cake before putting it into the fridge. You went back to your studies after a small shower.

A few hours later, Hoshi was back from his practice.

"Hey my beautiful girl!", he said brightly as he headed towards the fridge to get some cold water. "Hey, Hosh", you replied barely looking up.

"Hey..... Why is this still here?", Hoshi asked, concern etched in his tone. He sounded very hurt, you looked up towards him to see what's wrong. And there he was, with the bento cake in hand, looking at you sadly.

"I had a bite Hosh", you said, trying to sound cheerful and trying to hide the fact that you are slowly falling back into your insecurities.

"Liar.", he said furrowing his brows.

"Okay fine. Look Hosh, I've gained like five kilos these two weeks. I'm barely going to the gym. I think I should stop indulging, and cut my calories.

"Oh STOP IT!", he stormed towards you with the cake, looking mad as hell. One thing about this sweet boy, You never want to see him angry. He scary.

"Eat this. NOW", he said placing the cake infront of you with the spoon. He folded his arms and continued to give you a death stare. You slowly took the spoon into your had and picked at the cake. Bite after bite, Hoshi's anger seemed to fade away. When you were done with about half of it, Hoshi ruffled your hair.

"Baby, I know how important it is to take care of your body and be fit. But there are times in life when we can't prioritize it like before. But you should never be afraid of food. With more weight or not, you are you. You are working hard. You are trying your best. And you must eat, baby. That's all that matters. Okay?", he asked a hint of pain and lot of love filled in his voice.

"i'm sorry, babe. I just- It's just- I don't know...", you struggled finding words to explain your emotions.

"I know baby, I know.", he said softly as he came closer. Hugging you and pulling your head into his chest. Stroking it gently.

......

One evening on the balcony under a starry sky, Hoshi spoke softly. "You're resilient, Y/n. And it's okay not to be strong all the time. Lean on me when you need to."

Feeling a weight lift off your shoulders, you expressed gratitude. "Thank you for being my anchor, Hoshi. I appreciate having you."

He pulled you into a tender kiss, hugging you tightly afterwards. "We're in this together, always. Let's make this place not just our home but a haven where we face life's storms side by side. I want you to know that I will always be there by your side".

In the days that followed, Hoshi continued to shower you with affection. He would often sneak up behind you, planting soft kisses on your neck while you worked at your desk. "Just a little energy boost for my hardworking love," he'd say, leaving you smiling amidst your assignments.

One evening, as you prepared dinner together, Hoshi couldn't resist stealing a kiss, his playful tone accompanied by a mischievous grin. "Cooking is much better with a dash of love," he said, sealing the sentiment with another sweet peck that lingered just long enough to leave you blushing.

Your conversations became a blend of deep talks, deep connections and playfulness.... Hoshi, always the comedian, lightened the mood with silly jokes and goofy faces. He would sometimes try to pull you away from your studies, or overthinking a little bit and show his new dance moves or a choreo he just made with the boys.

"You're my favorite audience, Y/n. Your smile is the best reward," he admitted, punctuating his words with a tender kiss on your cheek.

......

Amidst the chaos of life, you both found solace in simple moments. One lazy Sunday morning, you both lingered in bed, wrapped in each other's arms. Hoshi traced patterns on your back, his voice, soft and filled with love. "You're my calm in the storm, Y/n. Let's stay in this moment forever." You can't lie, he is your only solace, your only medicine.

.......

Your apartment echoed with laughter and the soft sounds of shared secrets. One day after you just finished completing yet another assignment, Hoshi, with an impish grin, surprised you with a spontaneous pillow fight. Amidst the feathers floating in the air, he stole a kiss, leaving the both of you breathless and laughing.

At night, as you curled up on the couch watching a movie, Hoshi whispered sweet nothings in your ear. "I love you so much, baby. Sometimes I feel like i'm going crazy. You're the script of my love story, and every moment with you is a scene I never want to end," he confessed, sealing his words with a lingering kiss.

Your love story unfolded like a beautifully choreographed dance, with Hoshi leading the way. You found comfort in him. You were there for him when he was vulnerable, and now here he is, being your knight in shining armor. The apartment became a part off of a movie screen; romance, painted with stolen kisses, whispered promises, and the shared warmth of your laughter.

As you guys were snuggled up in your bed, trying to fall asleep, Hoshi held you close, his eyes reflecting the depth of his affection. "Life is a journey, love, and I'm grateful you're my companion. You're the strongest person I know, y/n, and I would die without you." he declared, sealing the sentiment with a passionate kiss that left no room for doubt.

--------------------------------------------------

I hope you liked this babes!!<3 Take care!

[da-rum-darim-da]

her.

Dear,

As time closes in on my strength, let me tell you one final time of how I came to be the man you loved, and if there's any truth more pure than this then I have not found it in this lifetime and it is that you made me the man I am.

I was sold the moment they said, "Love is not for you." And slowly with time and experience I began to believe them. Girlfriends? I had a few. And as much as it hurts when I admit now, that I never once fully loved any of them, it also gives me some comfort in knowing that I probably was meant to learn from you.

I wasn't always sure when I found my eyes looking for you, be it in crowds or places I'd be in and hope you'd bump into me there. But I knew, I knew I'd liked you. Yes, I did. And as always there was a but in our story too, and that 'but' included my insecurities and vulnerabilities that I thought admitting would make me less of a man.

I was wrong in the thought. Me not admitting those insecurities and not accepting them failed me either way. My actions were laced with the counter of those insecurities, I was shy and who'd have liked a shy man, so I acted rude because of the limited words I could ever manage. I was ashamed of my skin, and never admitted to the creams my sister would recommend for me to use and I did; because I had a tough guy persona to keep up with, the stereotypical male outlook of the society. But looking back I was nothing but a coward, who couldn't even love himself. I was afraid of standing out in that way. Writing this, I can remember my awkward laughter when I was standing with the rest of the baseball team players who snickered about the other guys' soft and clear skin. I hated sports, but somehow I always played one to hide my active and passionate interest in my academics.

Maybe it was because of how I was, life decided to teach me a changing lesson by having you show up at my most vulnerable moments. Key word, moments. Not once, not twice but thrice at the most crucial ages of my life. It's funny how you noticed me only on the third moment.

The first was the last game I'd play as the pitcher of the High School team, and it was not because of that, that I'd cried, I cried because I knew this was the last ever game I'd see you on the bleachers cheering for the team but my delusional teenage self took satisfaction in thinking you'd be there for me. I didn't go to the after party of the win, but I was standing alone in the field. Silently shaking with my tears as I glanced up at the big lights. That was probably the first time I felt weak and vulnerable, outside my self, my brain.

You have a picture of me standing alone in the field and looking up. But you didn't know it was me, until much, much later.

The second time was when I was not placed in any of the companies I sat in the interview for. I was wretched, my ego was bruised and I felt hopeless. I was supposed to be a man, earn, provide for my family but how come I failed at the very step of being a man? I was beyond devastated and confused, my mental state back then could only be summed up in a few words, destructive, self-sabotage and depression. How could I, the one guy who had the confidence, charm, and the excellent GPA not crack any of the interviews? I had back then lost all and every hope in my life, and at that time romance wasn't even on my mind.

I saw you by chance when my mother dragged me to the temple to pray, hoping that any evil and malefic on me would wash away. You were just the same as you had been in high school, breathtakingly beautiful, with your presence so soothing and calming that it felt as if you were one of the priestesses of the Gods from heaven itself, and your smile. Please, the gentle curve of your lips had haunted my dreams of building a future with you even in my teenage life, so when you randomly smiled at a kid when in line, I just knew my heart was stolen for the second time by the same person in my life.

I didn't dare to approach you, not with your family around and even more so because of the lack of recognition in your honeyed orbs.

Did you know, the very next day after the visit, I had gotten a call from one of the HR's of the company I interviewed for saying they'd had a technical error with my email and that I had to join as soon as I could? Yup, you were my lucky charm.

The third meet was something that I'd anticipated. The school reunion. I dreaded going, because I didn't feel accomplished enough as the others were.  I was still a nobody in my workplace and thus was on the verge of being laid off. But I ended up going, simply because I saw your story on your IG that you'd flown from wherever you were to the city especially for the event. I wasn’t polished enough, I should’ve shaved and put on the new cologne I’d brought. I should’ve worn your favourite shade of pastel even if it looked bad on me.

But nevermind all that when I saw you with a wide grin on your lips when you greeted everyone. You were loved by all, just how you deserved to be. And I was one among the many that had their gaze on you. 

It was all fine until someone brought up the changes I’ve been through. I understand that I’d change drastically from highschool to where I was. I’d no longer hide my preferences of making myself clean up and look up to the mark, always. But there was still a part of me that chose to blend in, so I picked up the alcohol even if I didn’t exactly want to. I shouldn’t have. 

A few sips and I’d had to excuse myself to wretch my guts out and guess who helped me even in the gents’ room? You of course. It had always been you, even when you’d seen my pathetic side. For someone like you it may have been a moment of kindness but for me it was the universe singing the chants of sacred marriage in my head. 

let me know if you need a pt 2.

[yellowroseswrites]

Hi, I was wondering if you could write a fic about Spencer Reid x sh/ed reader. The reader is very insecure because she feels like she used to be smart but isn't anymore and maybe after failing a case she starts harming herself again.

I was also wondering if you could include

that she wears a watch all the time

that she tends to cut small cuts on her fingers because she can blame them on other things and often digs her nails into them when anxious

has a good relationship with family so she feels her actions are unjustified

Spencer and reader are friends but shes always thought of him as more

I totally understand if this isn't possible and thank you.

"I want to help you carry it."

Spencer Reid x Sh!BAU!Reader

Author's notes- [ “has a good relationship with her family so she feels her actions are unjustified’ called me out personally and i need emotional compensation /j. Sorry these pieces have taken so long, a lot of my requests have been sh related and i wasn’t in the right headspace until recently, i hope you understand and i hope you enjoy this piece <3 also this is taken quite far from the prompt, so i’m sorry about that. I’ll definitely try to write more with reid and sh reader, so i’ll try to follow the request a bit more closely next time]

TW- {Self harm mentions, not super graphic, but it is a bit detailed, mentions of kidnapping and su!c!de (briefly), Eating habits mentioned, but not detailed at all, disassociation scenes, 2 of them i think, use of y/n}

1.2k words, enjoy

You looked down at your watch, watching the second hand tick all the way around the circle, desperately trying not to look up. If you looked up, all you would see is the dissapointed face of your best friend, Spencer.

You were sat on a stool near his kitchen counter. Usually if you were sitting here, there would be laughter and smiles, maybe pizza or some freshly baked cupcakes, but this was different. You only ever saw Reid like this once, when he sat you down to talk to you about your eating habits. You swore you would never do anything that would make him that upset again. You never wanted him to worry about you. He had enough on his plate, you would only be a burden. And yet, here you are.

You thought you were hiding it well, to be honest you really were. You never let anything slip, not a wince, not a complain, nothing. No one knew a thing, until today.

You were finishing a case, a rough one if you’re being honest. There was a young girl, one with scars everywhere, self inflicted. Everyone thought she had killed herself, except you and Reid. You both fought hard to find the girl. The team did end up finding her, she was trapped in some freaks attic. The case was closed, she was found, it was fine. You told yourself it was fine, you did your best to convince yourself that it didn’t bother you. It wasn’t until you were filling out your case reports that you finally let yourself dwell on it. You could hear Derek’s voice so clearly in your head, “Is it possible that she took her own life? It’s clear she has suicidal tendencies.” Even after JJ and Hotch explained the complexities of non-suicidal self injury, his words still rang in your head. You dont even know why it bothered you. I wasn’t judgmental, it wasn’t disrespectful, it wasn’t even a bad theory, but it rattled you. It’s like you could perfectly imagine them talking about you like that, like you were nothing but your habits. You knew that wasn’t how Morgan meant it, he was doing his job, you would do the same for any other case, but this one just stung.

As you thought about it, you faded into your mind. It’s like you weren’t even there at your desk, you were inside your head. Your nails found there way to your other hands knuckles. You were good at hiding the marks, and it was easy to lie about them. They were your hands, anyone would believe that you just knicked them, or got them stuck in your car door, or that your neighbors cat was a playful fella, or the countless other excuses you had saved in your resevoir. You never hurt youself in public, or when people could catch you, except today apperently. Your finger was red and bleeding by the time you snapped out of your haze. Or rather, was rudely dragged out of our haze by Spencer. You blinked a few times as you focused on him and what he was saying.

“Y/n stop that.” His hands were on yours. You were frozen for a second, your mind almost buffering, before the reality of that moment actually dawned on you. Without speaking a word you pulled your hands back and stoop up from your desk.

You grabbed your bag, sliding your unfinished report into your desk drawer, before beginning to walk off, “Good work Spence, I’ll see you tommorow.” You made your way to the elevator, ttrying to avoid the obvious footsteps following you. He put his hand on your shoulder as you made your way out of the building, gently guiding you to his car. You didn’t fight it, you knew you couldn’t, and you would really rather not make a scene in your work parking lot. You listened to the hum of his car air conditioner as he drove the all familiar route to his appartment. 

That’s how you ended up here. A few warm tears falling down your cheeks while Spencer silently stares at your shrunken figure. He was trying to find the words that he wanted to say, which was never a good thing. He was the Spencer Reid, he always knew what to say. 

He finally cleared his throat, after what felt like ages, “Non-suicidal self injury is a habitual addiction, but it’s possible to recover from it. You just have to tell someone about it, that’s step one. That’s always been step one. We’ve talked about this.”

“I know Spence. I’m sorry.” Your voice was small. You felt small compared to your all knowing best friend. You knew everything there was to know about self harm, sometimes it was the only thing you wanted to read about or learn about, sometimes you felt like it was the only thing you knew about,  but you knew this was how Reid helped, so you tried to stay calm as you let him tell you everything that you already had memorized. 

“We’re friends y/n, you can talk to me.”

You huffed at that, mumbling a small, “Yea friends.”

“You’re deflecting.” He sounded softer, you hurt him. You were deflecting, and now you feel worse than you did before. You hated this, you wanted to go home and relive this day. Your nails started to sink into the skin on your thigh.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Great, Spencer saw. Spencer knows. Spencers going to think your insane, he’s going to talk about you like your a victim. He’s going to talk to you like a baby and look at you like your bleeding out in front of him. He’s never going to think about you the way you think of him, your just some charity case for him. He doesn’t -

His hand grabs yours, taking it away from your leg. Before your brain can catch up with you, your arms are wrapped around him, pressing your face into his torso. Your tears are falling more freely now. You feel his hands run through your hair and rub against your back. You never feel more safe than you do when your in his arms, your thoughts can’t catch you here. 

You aren’t sure how long you stay like that before you gently pull away from him. You sit patiently as he examines your hands. You can see the hurt in his eyes, you do your best to ignore it. 

“I love you, y/n. I don’t want you to do this to youself. You can get help for this. You can talk to me about it if you need to.” He was soft, but not condescending. You could feel yourself melt, as though you needed another reason to love him.

“I can’t do that, I’ll just be a burden. This isn’t your baggage to carry.” You started to pull away again.

“It’s still your baggage, I just want to help you carry it. Let me help you, please.” His voice pulled you right back in.

You wiped the remaining tears from your face, “Okay Spence.” He sighed in relief, taking your hands and leading you to the couch. You both sat, you resting your head against his chest. You didn’t have to talk about it now. You knew you would eventually, but that's another thing about Spencer, you felt comfortable. You didn’t feel anxious about the impending conversations to be had, you weren’t stressing about him watching you or knowing your secrets, you simply felt safe. That was enough for now.

[geralts-yenn]

Believe in Me - Chapter 6

chapter warnings: none? Maybe talk about violence? Vampire bite?

word count: 2,7k

A/N: sorry it took me so long! I was a little distracted by some other Melot. But now I'm back, focusing on this! I decided to split this chapter, else we'd be again at like 7k, and you would have waited another two weeks. Hope it's okay for you...

Inspo board for this chapter is here 😍

Please let me know what you think - reblogs and comments are always the way to make me happy! Tumblr only works if you reblog. Help me to keep this story alive 😘

Series Masterlist

Maria sat on the couch, her mug clenched between her hands. She had stopped crying and shaking at some point but she was still completely in shock.

“I think we need to talk.” The voice was hoarse, almost a whisper, not the confident tone with a hint of mischief that she was used to from him. She turned her head to him and nodded to show him to go on.

Charles moved to sit on the edge of the couch and licked his upper lip.

“We really didn't think she was in danger. Not like that. I was there to protect her. But I would have never thought…” His voice broke. 

Maria couldn't hold back her anger.

“And what was my role in all of that? Was I there to protect her, too? How could I have done that? And wouldn't it have been a good decision to tell me beforehand?” Maria's heart beat got faster with every word. She was so, so mad at those vampires. She told Aurora that she'd be safe but she wasn't, because of them. 

Charles moved on the couch to get closer to her. He fiddled with his hands, trying to find the right words.

Even with all the anger filling her chest, she had to smile at that. She would have never believed to see Charles like this. And somehow it got to her, to see the usually so big-headed vampire vulnerable.

"Maria, I would have never put you in danger knowingly. Not Aurora and not you. Look, Aurora definitely has some effect on Melot. I have never seen him act like that with any woman. It's like he is under her spell. And so I assumed that her blood only has that effect on him. Well, guess I was wrong.” He sank his head. 

“What’s happening when you feed on her?” Maria still hadn’t fully understood the events of the night.

Charles explained to her what Melot had told him. What it felt like to drink Aurora’s blood. And he had to admit to her that they absolutely had no clue why it was like that.

“That’s scary somehow.” Maria concluded. “If the wrong vampires feed on her, she is like...” Maria searched for the right word, but Charles came to help her:

“She is a weapon. A very dangerous weapon.”

“Fuck! That’s not good!” Maria was more concerned than ever for her friend. “She had hard times with her family. She’s so incredibly insecure. Never had anyone on her side. And I thought that bringing her to the club would give her some confidence. And now I got her into an even bigger mess than before.”

Charles took Maria’s hand. “It’s not your fault. How could you have known?” He let out a sad chuckle. “Those two really have searched and found each other. Melot has been trying for centuries to get some appreciation from August, getting more and more insecure and frustrated with every failed attempt. I actually liked seeing him happy for a change.” 

Maria repeated the sad chuckle. “And now they are both in the middle of a bigger catastrophe than ever.”

Maria looked deep into Charles' crimson eyes. “They need our help, Charlie. There are not many people they can count on. Can you promise me to be there for them?” 

He squeezed Maria's hand that he was still holding as he answered her. “I will, and I won't fail, like tonight. I'm not the selfish prick people think I am.” 

Maria wrapped her arms around him and mouthed a small thank you, then moved away from him just as fast. Charles' features softened as he looked at her. Then he got up and walked to the kitchen. 

“We'll get it sorted out. I give you that promise." He peeked at her from behind the refrigerator door. "Can I make you breakfast? You should eat something”

Maria grimaced jokingly. “I won't eat anything that got prepared on THAT kitchen counter!”

The first thing Aurora saw when she opened her eyes was Melot's face hovering over her. She smiled nervously. “What are you doing, Melot?” 

He brushed a strand of hair from her face, and his index finger followed her features from her temple down to her chin. “Just admiring the most beautiful woman I ever lay my eyes upon.” He sank down to press a soft kiss on her lips.

So they started their day the way they had ended the last one. With kisses and smiles and touches. But after some time, Melot pulled out of Aurora’s arms. 

“Do you feel good enough to talk to me?” he asked carefully, and Aurora nodded in response. 

Melot sat up, resting his shoulders on the backrest of the bed. “First of all, I need to apologize! I would have never let you go to the club if I had known that something like this would happen.” The look on his face melted Aurora’s heart. 

“I know that, Melot! It’s okay.” She sat beside him, her legs on his lap.

“Just tell me what exactly is going on and then we will try to find a solution, right?” She looked at him with wide eyes.

Melot couldn’t believe his luck. Not only he had finally found someone that he really cared for, she felt the same for him too. She liked him so much that she forgave him, even when he had made one mistake after the other, ever since he had met her. It was time to make things right.

And so Melot started to tell Aurora what happened when he had fed on her. He didn’t spare any detail and when he came to the point where he had to admit that he had almost drained her, his lips were trembling and he lost his ability to speak for a moment. Tears were gathering at the corner of his eyes. Aurora watched him calmly and brushed her palm over his cheek. 

But Melot couldn’t keep his composure any longer. He pulled Aurora into his arms and pressed her into his chest. Sobbing, he told her:

“When Charles called and told me what happened, I thought I had left you to get killed. The urge to drink from you was so strong for me. Someone who didn’t know you, who didn’t love you,... I couldn’t believe they'd be able to stop.” Melot shook his head as he thought about the moment where he almost lost Aurora.

The confession that had slipped Melot should have scared Aurora. It was way too soon to speak of love. But she couldn’t blame him. She felt the same for him. Her mouth crashed onto his, his lips still trembling as her tongue brushed over them. But her kiss soothed him, she felt how the tension in his muscles slowly faded and he relaxed in her arms.

A knock on the door stopped them before they could deepen their kiss. Aurora moved away from Melot, feeling like a teenager getting caught. Melot went to open the door and Aurora saw a Charles that looked stern as never before. 

“August is back. He expects you in his office, now, both of you” Without waiting for an answer, he turned and left. Melot held out his hand for Aurora to take. “Can you walk?” he asked, concerned. Aurora nodded, but as she got up, she felt nausea rising in her chest. Her hand shot up to her mouth and the next second Melot was holding out a bottle of water to her.

His inhuman speed was something that she still had to get used to, but at the moment she really appreciated it. She took some small sips from the water, and then, after a deep breath, she was able to move. Melot wrapped his arm around her waist.

“I wish you would have met him in a different setting. Don’t be afraid of him, okay? He’s intimidating, but he’s not evil. He won’t do you any harm. And I’m with you.”

The fact that Melot felt urged to ease Aurora made her dread even more what was about to happen.

In August’s office, Charles and Maria were already waiting. The vampire king himself wasn’t present yet. Maria took Aurora in her arms as soon as she entered the room. Melot felt naked without her in his arms, but it was only a second that he could sulk over this, before he heard August huff as he entered his office. 

His presence filled the room immediately. Aurora couldn’t help herself, it felt as if it got instantly colder and a shiver ran down her spine. Melot and Charles both sank their head to a small bow, and Maria and Aurora both decided to do the same.

“Sit down, everyone!” August bellowed and sank onto the padded armchair behind his desk himself. Aurora sat on the chair beside Melot and finally dared to set her eyes on the king. He was the most gorgeous person she had ever seen. His face was sculpted in perfection. And his eyes stared deeply into her soul.

Aurora felt the urge to kneel before him and ask him for forgiveness, even though there was nothing she needed him to forgive. As Melot took her hand, she came back to her senses.

August’s eyes went from Aurora to Maria, and he lifted his eyebrow. “Who is she?” he asked. It didn’t sound offensive, just curious. Charles’ look fell on Maria for a second too, before he looked at his uncle again to answer him. “This is Maria, you must have seen her in the club. She’s with me!” That surprised both Aurora and Maria, but neither of them dared to make a sound.

August seemed to be satisfied with that short explanation. “Whatever! Now, can someone please tell me what the hell happened last night in my club? What kind of vampire was this that almost took out Syverson AND Marshall?” His eyes went back to staring down Aurora. “And what does SHE have to do with it?”

It was Melot’s turn to answer. “That vampire, he freaked out after he fed from Aurora. He was trying to drain her. And he was stronger and faster than a normal vampire.” Aurora started shaking as her thoughts went back to what happened at the club. Melot dragged his chair closer to her so he could wrap his arm around her shivering shoulders.

August shut his eyes for a moment, rolling them back in his head. “And how do you explain that, nephew?” The room was silent for a brief moment, although for Aurora, it felt like hours.

“Her blood has that effect on us. When I fed on her, I could hardly stop, and I felt invincible as long as I drank from her.” August interrupted Melot by crashing his palms onto his desk.

His voice was cold as ice. “And why exactly didn't you tell me about this earlier? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN IN THE CLUB? WITH STRANGERS FEEDING FROM HER?” August's anger was terrifying, even for Charles and Melot that were used to his sour mood.

Melot was frozen, unable to go on, so Charles tried to help him. “Melot and I, we thought Aurora had this effect only on Melot. She influences him in other ways, too.” Charles wasn't quite sure how to explain it without hurting Aurora. August seemed to be puzzled for a moment. “Maybe the other vampire was 'influenced' by her, too?” It was clear that August understood quite well what Charles meant. He had seen Melot's reaction to Aurora, too. But Charles shook his head. “Syverson interrogated him and he swears he felt nothing for Aurora, except the urge to drink more from her blood.”

August nodded. Aurora couldn't help the feeling that he knew exactly what was going on and just dragged this whole thing out to torture his nephews and her. 

“Show me your wrist, child!” He rounded his desk and squatted down in front of Aurora. His presence and his scent so near to her made Aurora feel the same way as earlier, when she laid her eyes on him the first time. She wanted to obey him, wanted to please him. 

She presented her wrist and August's slender fingers brushed over her skin. Her skin that didn't show any wounds, just two little red spots, barely visible.

Another nod from August. “Let me taste you!” Aurora's eyes shot to Melot in panic. She couldn't let him bite her. She couldn't go through this once more.

But August grabbed her chin and turned her face to look at him. His eyes were glowing deep red with some sparks of amber. “You don't have to be afraid, child. My discipline is not comparable to that of some ordinary vampire. You'll be safe with me.” His deep voice reverberated through her whole body, down to her bones. And to Aurora's surprise, her fear was gone. 

August’s bite wasn’t as gentle as Melot’s, but it also wasn’t the nightmare that happened with the vampire in the club. After just a small sip, August’s mouth left Aurora’s wrist again. He licked over his fangs, a frown forming on his forehead.

“Interesting! I haven’t tasted this in centuries. And I haven’t heard that a new one was living among us.” A smile formed on his face. Aurora’s heart was racing in her chest, she wanted to beg August to finally tell what the hell was going on. But Melot got impatient with the cryptic words of his uncle, too.

“A new what? August, could you please be a little more precise? You know, none of us has the ability to read your mind.” It was bold to speak to August like that, but Melot just couldn’t hold back any longer. He was about to snap if he didn’t finally learn what was going on with the woman he loved.

August threw his head back and laughed. “Melot, Melot, Melot! You have no idea what a present you gave me with your little toy.” He was towering over Aurora with a satisfied grin on his face. Melot and Maria wanted to speak up against August talking of Aurora as a ‘toy’ but the king was faster to resume his speech than they could voice their protest.

“Your lover is so much more than just an ordinary girl.” His finger pushed Aurora’s chin up to look at him. “Who are your parents, child?” Aurora was confused. “My mom died two years ago in a car accident, and my dad is a car mechanic. I… I don’t understand!”

August went back to sit on his chair. He cocked his head, looking at Aurora, and he finally decided to explain.

“If your mother died, then it must be your father. Your real father. Because I doubt a god would work as a mechanic.” August chuckled at the thought of it. “You, Aurora, are a half-goddess. - Oh, I want to know who of them knocked up a human. It’s been so long since that happened.” 

Charles and Melot exchanged looks. They were dreading what was coming next.

“I will tell you about a well-kept secret: The blood of demigods is something very precious to vampires, my dear child. It increases all of our abilities, makes us stronger, faster, almost impossible to kill. Whoever is allowed to drink your blood will be the most powerful being on this planet. I am beyond grateful that my nephew found you and brought you to my home.” Aurora turned to Melot and saw the painful expression on his face. Her heart broke when she realized what this had to mean.

“Aurora, you are welcome as my guest. You won’t be allowed to leave this place, of course. That would be too dangerous for you. And you won’t let my nephew feed from you. No one will, except me. This might sound unfair to you, but I promise I do this to keep you safe. If other vampires learn about your existence, there will be war! And if they get you, you won’t be their guest, you will be their prisoner.”

Tears fell from Aurora’s cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. She was just a college girl, she wasn’t something special. They must have made a mistake. She couldn’t be the reason to fight over, a reason for a war! But the concerned looks of Charles and Melot made her realize that this wasn’t a mistake, or a joke or some stupid game. August spoke the truth. And her life wouldn’t ever be the same. She was supposed to be August’s ‘guest’. Which meant she was a prisoner after all. A bird in a golden cage. 

Part 7

[anfie-in-the-box]

X-tra Dark Cream & Dark Cream Week

Notes

Yeah, I'm a mess and have decided to write both prompts for each day of Dark Cream Week. Is it crazy? Yes, especially since I write rather slowly and with lots of difficulties and insecurities. Does it work out? It does, kinda. Did I manage? Who knows! Definitely not present-me, not yet, it's still a bit before the actual Week when I'm making this post. It's okay though, even if I end up not finishing. It's way more than what I've written for events before this one, so it's a win anyway! I am quite proud of myself.

No real spoilers for Turns, twists, and paradoxes, but feel free to skip my works for Dark Cream Week if you prefer reading the main piece chronologically!

。。。

Sacrifice

To survive, Dream sacrifices parts of himself. His kindness. His helpfulness. His understanding. His empathy. Everything he used to be goes away, forming something new. He's not sure what yet. It's dark, heavy with the burden of the entire world, bent on revenge for all the unfairness in the Multiverse, and in so much pain it wants the others to feel it too. Dream never knew he could be so cruel and wish others harm, but the curse changes him, bending and twisting but never breaking. Dream can't let himself break. Can't let the curse win. So he fights, choosing the lesser evil, being evil to everyone but his family. His loved ones.

Dream keeps the balance within himself, feeding his soul shattered positive feelings of thousands of humans and monsters he doesn't know yet never hurting those who truly matter. It's a fickle process, but Dream manages. He's hurt Cross enough before meeting Nightmare in that clever illusion of his. He failed to support his brother before everything started. Nevermore. Not if he can help it.

"Dream?" He startles at Cross' voice so near. Dream didn't notice him coming closer. "Are you okay?"

Dream smiles slightly, "I am. Just lost in thought."

"Whatever about?"

"How atrocious the world has been to all of us, mostly." Dream finds Cross' hand and caresses it gently with his. Cross smiles at him, content and peaceful, at least as much as even possible. "Never gets old, that. We were all good in our own ways and look what it's done to us. I've never hurt in return, despite the way I was abused my whole life, and what good did it do to me?" he pauses, then confesses, "It's so nice to be angry. So freeing. I've always tried to stay positive and bring light to everyone in need; I never let myself properly experience negative emotions, and only now I realise how unhealthy it was. I was miserable and in denial, and now that nothing stops me anymore…" Dream trails off, at a loss of words.

"It's okay if you don't know how to express yourself," Cross reassures, taking both Dream's hands in his. "It's also okay to be angry. You have every right to feel whatever emotion you feel at the moment. You're a person, not a perfect angel, and that's okay, too. I'm just sorry I never saw the pressure you were under before," he says quietly. "I'm sorry you felt like this was the only way."

Dream frees one of his hands and pets Cross' cheek, so very gently. "I forgive you." There's undeniable fondness in his voice, but also sadness. Dream's sorry, too. But that's exactly how unfair the world has been to them. That's exactly his point. They tried so hard, and it didn't change anything. There was no happy ending. But maybe there will be. Dream hopes.

Oh, how he hopes.

So maybe he's not sacrificing his old self after all. Maybe he's just hiding it deep inside, only for his loved ones to see. He's still different, even with them; he's sharper, tougher, more resolute. But that's alright. Because…

"I love you," Cross whispers.

Yeah. That's why.

"I love you too."

。。。

Credits

Undertale © Toby Fox

Dream!Sans © jokublog

Cross!Sans © jakei95 / xtaleunderverse

Shattered Dream © galacii-gallery /shattereddreamsau

Dark Cream and Dark Cream Week © zu-is-here

X-tra Dark Cream © me (anfie / anfie-in-the-box)

。。。

Notes

I love how different it is from Egoism, its dual piece. Dream is steadier here, more certain, although he still has a long way to go. It's really interesting to observe.

[hierophant-meme]

Waterfall Meditation

(Goemon x Reader)

Disclaimer: I am not a writer by any means but I've recently wanted to put some of my ideas out there for fun. I do have some ideas for a second part to this so please let me know if that's something you'd like to see.

Content contains: No y/n, some pet names, reader takes medication, SFW, established relationship (I'm still new to this so please warn me if there is anything I missed)

Reader: Plus-sized, insomniac, female, insecure

_______________________________________________

You couldn’t sleep well last night so Goemon let you tag along with him to meditate. You two had been together for quite some time now but he still liked to train and meditate alone. You respected that, so you were all the more grateful that he let you join him today. He insisted that mediating underneath a waterfall would help you relax and hopefully allow you to sleep better that night. You tried to tell him that it was okay and that you could stay behind, but he convinced me. It sounded nice: the rushing water gently massaging all the knots and bunched up nerves on your body, but you still weren’t used to having your boyfriend see your exposed skin. Your worries were assuaged when you brought up this concern with him and he stated in a straightforward tone (while blushing) that you had nothing to fear. He just wanted you to feel better and that your body is only a vessel for your soul, but it’s a vessel that he would cherish nonetheless. Or something like that. That boy talks in riddles and you liked to think that you’ve gotten better at understanding him. 

Upon arriving at the majestic scene of the cascading water, your anxiety returned. You watched him gracefully undress himself and fold his clothes meticulously. You’ve seen him in just his fundoshi before, but no matter how many times you do, it never fails to turn your cheeks as red as a beet. He was gorgeous. He wasn’t exactly muscular like a gym bro, but he was lean and fit. That didn’t matter to you as much as all the scars that adorned his body. There was something about them that mesmerized you. Sure enough, they casted their spell on you and before you realized it, you walked up to him and started caressing a few of them. He turns to look at you and you quickly remove your hands from him.

“I’m so sorry. You’re just so enchanting, Gogo.” You look down in shame.

“Me? No, my beautiful flower, you are”, he places a hand on your cheek and kisses your forehead. “Come now. Let’s get you ready for the meditation. Here, let me help you.”  

He helps you out of your tank top and shorts and now it’s his turn to stare at you in awe. You were wearing a bikini, something you rarely ever wore until the day you and the Lupin family had gone to the beach after a successful heist. 

Fujiko saw you wearing an old t-shirt and shorts and immediately dragged you onto her motorcycle. She took you to the nearest clothing store and had you pick out proper swimwear. Fujicakes bought you the one you liked best but only if you promised her that you wouldn’t be a chicken and finally ask out Goemon because she knew he wouldn’t be the one to make the move first. It had something to do with his “samurai honor” or whatever. You complied with her condition and on that very same day, you confessed your feelings for him. Despite your insecurities with your body and not being as tall or thin as the femme fatale, Fujiko Mine, both her and Goemon didn’t care. She was your friend, and he didn’t see you as anything less due to your weight. He loved you back, not only because of your kind heart but because he genuinely thought you were physically beautiful.

You still didn’t really believe it at times. How could someone like him fall for someone like you, after all? But all of your insecurities went away whenever he kissed you like he did now. It’s not that you needed him to give you worth. You knew that your weight and height had nothing to do with who you really were, it’s just some days were harder on your brain than others. You learned through Fujiko that you didn’t need a man to make you feel validated but she also hyped you up and gave you some surprisingly decent advice on how to navigate a relationship. She reminded you though that even though she helped you, you were still the one that did most of the work. 

And now, you were here at a lovely hidden waterfall with him as your lover. He places a kiss on your hand and then leads you to where you��ll be sitting. Before you sat down, you reached your hand to feel the water.

“DAMMIT GOEMON IT’S FREEZING! How do you stay under here for so long anyway?”

“Clear your mind and even cold can become warm. If you can surpass that obstacle you will be rewarded with the release of the tension in your muscles. It’ll be okay. Don’t forget, I’m here with you.”

Hesitantly, you walk in trying to breathe through the initial sting of the icy feeling of the water, which you soon grew used to. You sat down with your legs crossed still holding onto his hand. As he promised, the water hit all of the spots on your body that held the most tension and it didn’t feel so cold anymore. It truly felt as if all your worries and woes were being washed away to the river in front of you.

“Breathe with me”, he instructed and you did as he said. Your mind was usually racing a million miles per second but for the first time in your life, it was quiet. It felt weird at first but you soon eased into it and all you wanted was to stay here in this moment forever with the love of your life. However, about 15-minutes in (which was more than you thought you would last), you began to grow restless. Goemon notices some movement and opens one eye to see your bouncing your leg. “Are you okay?” he questions.

“Yeah sorry, I’m just not used to sitting still for this long. Is it disturbing you?”

“No, no. I was more worried about you. I thought maybe your anxiety was coming back. Here. Sit in my lap. Maybe that will relax you again,” he suggests with a blush.

I crawl over to where he is and position myself in his lap with my back to him and my legs crossed on top of him. “Am I too heavy?” you ask.

“Darling,” he grabs a hold of both of your hands and rests them on your lap,”I’ve carried boulders that are way heavier than you. You are but a feather in my grasp.”

I squeeze his hand, “I know but let me know if the position gets to uncomfortable, like if you need to shift or extend your legs or something”

“I assure you that I will. Now close your eyes, relax, and breathe with me again.”

This time you can feel his chest rising up and down and your focus shifts to the sensation. You feel protected wrapped in his arms and warm despite the cold water enveloping your skin. You feel at ease and don’t even realize that sleep had at long last welcomed you with open arms. Usually, you had to consume a myriad of different medications prescribed to you to be able to get a few hours of sleep if you were lucky, but this was the first time you fell asleep naturally in a very long time. When you woke up, you were wrapped in a towel and layed down on a futon next to the fireplace in the living room of the gang’s hideout. You looked outside the window and noticed it was still daytime. Maybe you just took a nap for an hour and Goemon decided to finish meditating before you woke up. You sit up and rub your eyes. Just then, Lupin and Jigen walk by.

“Good morning sleepy-head! How is our dear sweetheart feeling today?” he asked with a smile.

“I feel great actually. I feel like I just had the best nap of my life,” I say with a chuckle.

“Nap?” Jigen laughs. “You slept through the whole day! You were knocked out. We were worried you’d gone and turned into sleeping beauty or something.”

“If you did, though. I would’ve given you the true love’s kiss that would wake y- AH! OK, OK, I’LL SHUT UP” Lupin is interrupt by Jigen stepping on his foot.

“Yeah, you’d better. You know if Goemon heard you, he’d slice you into sashimi” Jigen reminds him. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s just a shame that a beautiful lady’s been taken, but I know I gotta respect my friend. And you, too, dear for that matter. Say, are ya hungry? I made breakfast. Everyone’s already eaten so help yourself to whatever you’d like, OH! And I made the eggs just the way you like them,” Lupin flashes a big smile.

“Thanks, Lup. I know it’s gonna be really yummy.” I scan the room for any sign of my sweetheart. Where’s Gogo?” I ask while getting up.

“He’s out training at his usual spot, but promise me you’ll eat first. You two lovebirds can smooch it up later,” Lupin informs me while wiggling his eyebrows.

“Shut up, we’re not like you and Fuji,” I tease him while throwing a pillow at him. 

“Oh but I bet you will be later,” he says in a sing-song voice. “Jigen, Fujicakes, and I are off to meet an old friend. Goemon doesn’t know them, so he’s staying, and I bet that means you will, too. Especially since you’ll have plenty of time to get frisky and maybe- OW! THE HELL YOU GUYS. WHY AM I GETTING BEAT UP SO MUCH AND ON MY DAY OFF TOO!”

Jigen and I laugh together after he punched him and I threw another pillow except this one was as soft as the first one. 

“It’s cause you’re gross and even if that was true, it’s none of your damn business, ya filthy fool!” I go up to him and ruffle his hair. Before I go into the kitchen, I turn around to face Lupin. “But I know you and Fujiko aren’t gonna stop until you pry the nitty-gritty details from me. Bring me one of those chocolate-matcha flan cakes from that one fancy bakery on your way back and maybe I’ll talk.” 

“Deal! Well Jigen, let’s go before it gets late. Catch ya later, love!”

“See ya!” Jigen says while grabbing his hat.

“Take care you two. And say hi to Fuji for me!” I wave them goodbye and step into the kitchen for breakfast.

[not-goldy]

https://www.tumblr.com/not-goldy/736605604709351424/httpswwwtumblrcomnot-goldy736600346654392320?source=share

same anon

"if you were in his shoes you would have done worse" No i wouldn't. Not even a single time in my whole life i have ever ever made fun of someone cause when i was a child i was told that if you make fun of someone god will punish you and will make the same thing happen to you that you're making someone's fun of. And till this day i belive in that thing so i never once tried to make fun of someone even by calling someone short, fat, black this that. Idk about y'all but that's a very common thing in my country which is told to everyone when they're child..

i said jk WAS mean to jm implying past tense. Me liking jk has nothing to do with how he was with jm i can like him and can still acknowledge he was mean to jm but with time he matured.

I would never ever rank my friend last in looks who's very clearly insecure about his looks as people made him insecure like that. I would never ever make fun of my frnd's voice who's again clearly insecure over his voice. I could never say such things to someone who cares so much for me like i would hate myself if i ever made someone sad or made fun of them. Idk maybe it's because the family and environment that i grew up in where no one makes fun of eachother or thinks it's a bad thing.

Now you put yourself in jm's shoe and i ask you how would have you felt when the person you care so much for made fun of your insecurities. Jm was young himself at that time but yeah let's make fun of him and call it a harmonal things sure. Don't forgot to answer me what you would have felt.

Religious trauma I can relate I was told God will rain fire on me if I sodomized 🥲

Like I said, JMs feelings are valid- it's yours I'm questioning. You and our other cousins who hate JK🥲

Jungkook was thrust into all this at 13 years old💀

Wait.... since we comparing traumas I was raised by families who would show me videos of people screaming in hell images of men and women being whooped to death every sabbath as a way of explaining what will happen to me if I strayed from my Christain beliefs.

I got cut with glass every time I broke them. I got shaved as a way to punish me- my father once say my shaved head and said with that I doubt you'll ever make fun of anyone- yes, I liked giggling at everything and everyone and that was my punishment. I went a whole week without food to teach me gratitude because I failed to say grace at dinner

I get roasted for my looks my failures my dreams my desires just as a way of my family and community expressing love and affection🤭

You are so blessed if you grew up in such a healthy environment-

But imagine the rest of the world ain't really like that and Jungkook at 13 had to do a lot of his growing up on camera around strangers and people he didn't know🙃

13.

If I was 15 and a 13 year old kid made fun of me- I'd question why the fuck he or she is even in my space talking to me. He or she should sit at the kids table. I don't do babies.

My sister and her friends never played with me and always acted as if I was still in diapers when I tried to socialize with them.

I hate people that are disrespectful and would keep my distance cos that's what any self respecting teen would do 😩

And if I couldn't keep my distance I would whoop their ass on God 🥲💀

Which is exactly what Jimin said too when he was supervised by that kid to wash a plane. He said he was going to whoop them if they were in Korea.

So really he should have just whooped Jungkook and called it a day💀

He gave JK too much power over him. Hobi out there throwing bananas at him and shit😩

I would have bleached his eye brows while he slept 😴

[gojuo]

I heard many people say that if the showrunners were good writers they would definitely make aegon and rhaenyra parallel each other. And tbh it's such an interesting take , because that would flesh out the conflict and make it very grey as it should have been. Also the fact that syrax is yellow and sunfyre is gold and you know... Gold and yellow are very similar so i think it's an interesting detail from GRRM. So what you think about this ? If u have given the chance to write their dynamic and how they parallel each other, how will u do it? I'm curious

Syrax and Sunfyre couldn’t be more different to be honest 😭 Syrax for starters is useless and lazy, never went out into battle, never hunted for her own food, forgot she could fly and breathe fire, essentially letting the mob of KL kill her, her one and only kill is Joffrey, etc. etc. She was worthless and did nothing during the entire Dance, mirroring her rider I guess 😭😭😭 Sunfyre contrary to that was a much younger dragon who DID ride out into battle, who DID hunt for his own food (balanced diet of other dragons, grand maesters and princesses #healthygainz), who has THE most dragon kills, who was horrifically injured but still kept on fighting kept on surviving who refused to die all to find his way back to Aegon and to help him achieve his goal of killing Rhaenyra, WHO SHOULD HAVE DIED TEN TIMES OVER BUT REFUSED TO ALL FOR AEGON BC SUNFYRE KNEW HIS BELOVED RIDER NEEDED THAT MONSTER DEAD AND HE COULDN'T LEAVE THIS WORLD BEFORE HE MADE SURE SHE WAS GETTING DIGESTED 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Also exactly mirroring his rider...

Anyways this is about the dragons but dragons do resemble their riders so I feel like this would also be their dynamic. They’re just too different. Both in the book and in the show. In the book Rhaenyra is hungry for violence and makes the declaration of war first, she never cared for her siblings (always calling them her half-siblings), was gleeful when they died, when she was young in court she made fun of them along with Daemon to entertain herself, etc. Aegon in contrast had to be convinced to take up the crown, he says “What kind brother steals his sister’s throne?” (paraphrased, I don’t have the passage with me right now) when Criston tried to persuade him (RIP Kingmaker Cole, one of the most butchered Greens on the show), insinuating that he had resigned himself to being unwanted, only being convinced to ascend the throne himself because him and his entire family would have to be killed in order for Rhaenyra to have a smooth succession, etc. etc.

In the show they obviously tried to soften Rhaenyra’s canon ass personality bc they need their Daenerys 2.0, but then again, she was also beefing with her little 2-year-old brother on his birthday????? Like.. “No one is here for me,” she cries but they are at her baby brother’s birthday party ????? I’m fucking crying why was this grown woman so upset people were celebrating Aegon’s birthday, as if she herself didn’t get birthday parties every single year too 😭 Anyways show!Rhaenyra is less bloodthirsty and deliberately awful, but she still makes the declaration of war first, she still beefs with her baby brother, she still never makes an effort to get close to them (evidenced in the Driftmark episode), all in all she still doesn’t see them as family.

If the show was in my hands, I would have never whitewashed her character (bc she would be the antagonist and Alicent/Aegon the protag so lol) so if it was up to me, I would have had young Rhaenyra trying to bond with Aegon, but failing miserably because of her own feelings of doubt and insecurity of her position. And also, because Daemon is grooming her and slowly turning her against her siblings because he has his claws in her bc in my version of the show, Daemon would be the unequivocal villain of the series, serving no one but himself, not even Rhaenyra. Remember that he was starting with grooming her when she was 8 years old after being named heir. He, being as self-serving as he is, would have more chance of getting close to the throne as Rhaenyra’s King Consort than being uncle to King Aegon. (He doesn’t give a shit about her, he just cares about her power & title.) So Daemon would be poisoning young Rhaenyra against her siblings and since she would be feeling isolated in her younger years, fearing that her father would replace her with Alicent and their kids, it would be just way too easy for Daemon.

I think what I would do is that because of the big age gap between Rhaenyra & Aegon + Daemon always all up in her ear + her fucking off to Dragonstone for most of Aegon’s life, I would have had their characters be paralleled (Rhaenyra is loved by their dad and is the heir and has all his attention vs. Aegon is loved by the court + has better PR and Rhaenyra fears her position will go to him). Any interaction I would have them do would be extremely strained and filled with vitriol and resentment and bitterness, but I think what would be best for them is their interactions not being face-to-face but mostly through ranting about the other behind their backs. Aegon, whenever the family believes he’s fucked up and the frustration becomes too much for him, he’d just be like, “Who the hell cares what I do? Father only sees sister anyways/Sister-who-is-more-of-a-stranger-to-me is the one who will inherit everything that should have gone to me so why even bother?” etc. etc. such moments of vulnerability. For Rhaenyra, we would have such moments when she’s younger and Aegon is newly born. As a girl who’s lost her mother, who’s watching as her father is with a new wife, she would feel like she and the memory of her mother is getting replaced by Alicent & Aegon, and the fear of losing her only family (her dad) to someone that is not her and then also losing the inheritance her father gave her to someone that is also not her would make her a young and insecure girl, feeling isolated (perfect moment for Daemon to begin his grooming) and extremely hostile towards Aegon. As they grow older, Rhaenyra would see how Viserys cares so much for her and loves her whereas Aegon sees none of it, so she would be feeling vindicated and rub that in his face, only showing him apathy and spitefulness whenever they brush shoulders in passing. But what do I know, I’m just some girl writing fanfiction... Instead, the superior CondalHess are going to have their first and last interaction be when he kills her 🙃

[longeyelashedtragedy]

⭐^⭐

⭐ ⭐ both below the cut!

first, let's do: something from the unpublished fic colloquially known as "Jamie did a bad bad thing." I guess the working title is "red red red." it's too disjointed to have a proper title yet--

“I’ll just be honest, Jamie.  Some of my friends think you’re gay.”

Jamie’s heart is instantly pounding so much he feels like he can’t breathe. “Who does?  Which friends?”

“Does it matter?”

"Of course it fucking matters. I want to know who's saying that kind of shit about me."

"As if being gay was the worst thing in the world, Jamie. Jesus Christ."

Jamie thinks he should have a good, snappy response, to show Louise just how wrong she was, but he comes up so blank that she just snorts out of some kind of disgust, shakes her head, and turns away from him.

What was bad about it? Well...the things Dad and Uncle Frank always said, for one. 

He feels stupid not having a proper answer for Louise. And for his only answer to be something about his Dad and his uncle, like he wasn't a full-grown adult. 

He closes his eyes he doesn’t want to see Louise he doesn’t want to think about her but when he closes his eyes—

Red red red on the pink lips.  The hand that haunts him (all those movies he was so scared of back then were just a preview…) The chubby hand that haunts him, a little damp from the sweat of Ayia Napa nights, a little sticky.  Hitting at his arms kind of uselessly.  Sloppy.  Jamie Jamie Jamie Jamie.  What kind of hand was it? 

--throughout this fic, Jamie has to encounter a few things over and over that haunt him, and one of them is his own learned homophobia vs his obvious wanting of another, uh, man. I was thinking about how hate and bigotry are just such pathetic, empty concepts. like, if you stop to break it down for a second--unless you're some kind of leviticus bible thumper, there is literally nothing wrong with being gay, and if you only think so cause you grew up hearing it from adults, that's extremely pathetic, and could be embarrassing to be caught in by someone who thinks your homophobia is ridiculous. I know that not everyone is gonna think like this--trust me, i've experienced homophobia of my own--but themes of infantilization kind of run throughout the Lampardverse and i like the idea of jamie's own issues getting thrust back in his face to make him feel even more pathetic and insecure. (I also experienced something like this in real life--a person trying to make a homophobic remark who got shut down by everyone else around him making him feel like shit about it, and it was kind of epic ngl). But then also we have Jamie--canonically insanely anxious and fearful and haunted Jamie--getting drawn away from reality by the disjointedly remembered nightmare of his Past Actions.

the next one: from the Christmas Chapter (TM, 'tis the season!) of Dangerous AU. warnings: being a little gross with blood, gratuitious mention of Killing. it's dangerous AU, you know! blunt but pulpy and silly.

“This blood is very sexy on you. Let me take a picture.”  And Granit pulls out his phone.  “This will be very nice to have when you’re not with me, you know.”

Mikel barely thinks about what Granit means.  He leans back down and takes another taste. 

“Hey, hey, what the fuck!”  Granit’s hand grips his arm too hard and pulls him up to his feet.  “What are you doing?”

“This is part of what I do.”

“But—you—”  Granit is confused, and Mikel can practically see his mind working and fail to make sense of it.  No one could possibly.  “You’re—But aren’t you going to get sick?”

“I haven’t yet. But if I do…I do. Does it matter?” Who would even care, he’s always wondered, if he was gone? His family, sure. But they’d never known the real Mikel; they’d be mourning someone else. So would it even matter?

“Yes it does. Of course it matters.”  Granit is angry at him.  “What about your Granit? Do you think he wants to lose you?”

Granit places his hand over Mikel’s fast-beating heart. “Don’t—don’t be stupid. Okay? Kill them as much as you want, you deserve to have some fun, maybe I can watch again someday. I hope I can.  But don’t be stupid.”

There’s so much Granit still doesn’t know. 

“Okay, shpirti im?”

Mikel just nods. There’s no need to argue this right now. 

He wraps his arms around Granit and presses his forehead, where no blood is, against Granit’s heartbeat. 

They are still singing in the church. He used to like midnight mass—the songs, the incense and shadows and mystery. 

This is better. 

Here we get a little glimpse into serial killer Mikel's, uh, behaviors. i haven't figured out when in the trajectory of this fic this chapter happens, but by the time it does, the reader will know plenty about mikel's behaviors after he murders and why he does. however, this'll be granit's first time seeing it, and he's kind of horrified. remember, of course, that granit is a murder machine and a sadist who kills for fun in a way that mikel does not, but--BUT!

this is one of my favorite parts of writing dangerous au, see, it's over the top and silly, and a recurring theme is that both of them are often on a kind of moral high horse about their own killing methods and motivations. for example, granit--and Taulant when he finally shows up (who, in canon, mikel is slightly afraid of) and all of his people think the concept of serial killing is weird and disturbing, while mikel thinks granit & co are slightly unnerving and deranged. this is FUNNY (to me, because i have a dreadful sense of humor) because obviously neither of them has ANY place to judge. also what's important here is the running theme of granit sincerely believing mikel has so much worth and having a huge heart of gold--in his very own way--when it comes to him. in fact, granit loves and values mikel so much that mikel's lack of self-worth makes hm rather angry!

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! how do I detach myself from other people? I want to be more disciplined in going after what I want and preparing myself for the future, but people around me all believe I will fail. It’s hard to detach myself from their judgment.

I was bemoaning my lack of progress in something last night, and received a good piece of advice -- she told me, “If the drive for action is only coming from SHOULD / your super-ego, but YOU actually don't want to do it, there will be no progress.” And it’s true. If it’s only coming from my inner critic, and not what I actually want to do, my heart won’t be in it, and I won’t bring the self-will and determination to the table to get it done. So the question is, is this what YOU want or what you feel you SHOULD do because it pleases others? Do you feel you SHOULD be doing this or is it what you want for yourself? If you truly want it, why aren’t you going for it with everything you have? (Maybe you want it less than you think?)

Think about it this way -- if you truly want something, do you get it? If you fall in love and want that person, do you pursue them? If you love to do something, do you do it voluntarily a lot? Often our actions show us, more than our feelings, what is most valued in our life. What we are willing to do, to get what we want. And what we want, by what we do to get it. So, do you really want to be more self-disciplined, because you really want what’s at the other end of it, or is it something you feel you ‘ought’ to do? or “should” do?

Every time I get to work, even if it’s a reasonable progress I constantly feel ’it’s not enough’ and the voice of my family haunt me in my head ’this is not good enough, you are not dedicated enough, you are lazy, you are not hardworking enough’. Let say, I start working out because I need to get in shape within 1 year and a half - a reasonable timeframe. My parents expect me to do 2 hours high intensity workout daily even if I never workout before. They used to be very athletic before, so it was easy for them to do it. But I’m not so whatever I do is not enough for them. Whatever progress I do is not enough. I know they are being unrealistic and they project their insecurity on me (they never succeed about anything in life, and they lowkey expect me to be like them). And the progress I make is actually not bad at all.

Ah yes, the internal critic and/or outsourcing of self-worth to others. As a 6, I am very familiar with this. :P More super-ego self-shame, self-berating, pushing you to work harder, try harder, have less fun in favor of discipline. And also, I hate to say it -- repressed thinking. Why? Because you KNOW their demands are unrealistic and yet you want to meet them. You KNOW they do not succeed at anything, and yet you still listen to their advice. Time to start productive thinking, which is to develop discernment. If this person has never succeeded at anything, why should I listen to them about this? If their path forward (over-exercising) would lead me to failure (exhaustion and/or self harm), why should I listen to them? Listen to the people you admire in the thing you are pursuing, who have done it, not the people you don’t admire who haven’t done it. ;)

Tell them you did research and you know the right workout routine that will get you into shape without self-harm and then remind yourself that it’s your goals, your plan, and your determination that matters here, not what they think. It will be hard as an attachment type, I know, but you will have to constantly take their voices out of your head and replace it with your own.

Sure, I could do with more discipline and consistency (like doing it every 2 days and try not to be lazy about it) but it wasn’t at all bad. I’m also learning some other new skills, they know I’m good at this so they expect me to learn it in days what should take months. If I can’t satisfy them, they shame me for being a failure.

I’m sorry. It’s really hard to live with parents who expect too much and do not know what realistic expectations look like. There’s also a temptation to expect rejection, criticism, etc, and look for it in others’ responses, so you are internalizing messages of disapproval, or reproach, rather than rejecting them.

The thing is, I know they are idiots and I would do better than listening to them (or even better, cut contact entirely). But due to circumstances, I can’t cut contact with them now (financial reason, and they will prove a useful contact in the next stage of my plan as well). But I know that I need to find a way to resolve this issue, otherwise I’ll never feel confident enough to move forward with my plan consistently. And I don’t want their projection to undermine myself too…

If you cannot remove yourself from them physically, you will need to learn to emotionally block them and refuse to listen to them -- which means developing a 9ish ability to numb yourself to their words, ignore them, and do what you want, with the self-confidence that your way is going to work out. That’s the high side of a 9. How you go about this will be up to you, but I’d use a combo of reminding yourself that you’ve done your research and know what you are doing, and this will work out, and simply allowing what they say to go in one ear and out the other rather than dwelling on it, repeating it to yourself, thinking about it, or questioning whether they have a point. Remind yourself at all times to use PRODUCTIVE thinking, which means evaluating criticism and judging it based on its merits rather than taking it all into yourself.

It’s hard, but its worth doing. Good luck.

[maximoaguilar]

𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑 | SELF PARA

And if you fall... If you fall...

TRIGGER WARNING: corpses, poisoning, vomit, death, murder

This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life. And while he had once been here to celebrate Ana, the look on his face read one thing. He was now only here for his daughter. Because no matter how much rage came over him, no matter how much he wanted to let it control him, this day didn't just belong to the "happy couple." It belonged to their child, as well as the people in the room who cared about them.

The gifts. Of course he stands next to Ana, like a perfect soldier as she opens them, one by one. Just like he promised, he will be the father he never got -- Hector Aguilar is a name that feels like a distant memory. However, those moments with him are far too real for his liking. He believes he has proven himself time and time again that he is not his father's son. If he turned out like him, Max firmly would believe that he had failed Mason. Failed his little girl. 

He doesn't know how much longer he can do this. Pretend. Pretend like he is not a man scorned by a truth that he never thought possible, pretend like she had deserved to be given his heart. It was fragile enough as it is, having been held together by duct tape after shattering too many times before. Even still, he smiles when he’s told to. He laughs as if he is a robot, controlled and rhythmic. And he places his hand on Ana’s shoulder, as if she hasn’t already ripped this photograph of the two of them in half before it was even taken.

From now on, I will only be in your life for our daughter. It will gut me to do so, but I am not my father. I will give my little girl the father that I never got. But in every other capacity, consider us finished.

They may have been his own words, his own thoughts,, but they stung. Because he didn’t want to mean them. He never thought he’d have to.

He couldn’t lie to her, she had turned him into a shell of a man, a zombie walking through life with an aimless sensibility. To love someone as long as he had loved her, only to learn that maybe, just maybe Nico was telling the truth. That she had been with him, that she had forsaken every promise she had ever made him. To see his necklace still dangling from her neck made his blood boil, but at the same time – the sight gave him hope. Even though he knew that hope would die the moment he walked out the door of this house – Ana’s house, for the very last time as her boyfriend. Not that it seemed to mean anything to her. If it had, she wouldn’t have kissed Nico and done god knows whatever else with him. 

He had never wanted Nico to give him the satisfaction of making him doubt, making him question a relationship that had once thought to have been as strong as it could be. However, as he gave an Oscar winning performance for a crowd of their closest friends and family, it seemed almost impossible to do anything else than allow the cloud of insecurity to take hold. 

Take control.

But then there was her. He would never let his daughter go through heartbreak like this without fighting for her, letting whatever piece of shit know that they would never find anyone else as special as her. But then again, he always wanted her to see her mother in the most beautiful light that she could. Because, even if he could feel his heart slowly breaking – he still loved her. Of course he did. But the taste of betrayal is bitter in his throat as he tries to swallow it down with no avail. There was no getting over this… was there?

Mommy and daddy just didn’t work out. Something. He knew he’d need something to say to her when she got older and started asking questions. People had always told Max he was dependable, possessed all the answers – but he didn’t have any now. 

It’s also then that he allows himself to remember that he never had a parent who had been willing to fight for him. He was always the person fighting for everyone else, the father that people never had. But who would have fought for him back then? Who was going to fight for him now?

Kit. Sasha. Danny. Nicola. So many more. They were standing there, eyes agape with pride as they watched what was thought was a perfect, new family unit. However, it couldn’t have been more fractured. Max didn’t know how much longer he could cover the cracks in the surface. 

 How was he going to tell his Vanilla Unicorn family that come Monday, he would be working for another club?

He had known the risks that came with dating his boss, sharing a child with her. However, he hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to leave them behind for a new environment. Even still, he knew they’d understand that he needed to get his bearings again. Figure out who he was, after following Adriana Martinez like a lovesick puppy for as long as he could remember.

He had more or less tuned out the rest of the world around him, only nodding and smiling as Adriana addressed him. Again, the smile dripped with falsehoods – but she knew that. She was the only one. He had wanted to keep the moment light for everyone else in true Maximo Aguilar fashion. Let them have this day. Even if it had been a day to celebrate his family. One that had managed to no longer exist in a matter of days.

He can hear her words, perhaps the only thing that breaks through the haze he’s in. “Thank you for staying, I’m sorry this is hard.” 

Her touch raises every hair on his body, even know. She is the electricity that brings him back to life even now, even after she has shattered his heart. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Of course it’s hard for him in some ways, but not when it comes to their child. The one they promised to raise together.

However, he notices a change in Adriana’s face and his protective instincts kick in. Fear. He takes the card before she can even hold it out to him, his eyes becoming wide in surprise. 

Love, Marcus.

He never thought two words could be so jarring and yet they are, well wishes coming from a man that was long since dead. A man that Max had watched fall apart in that place when they were in the hands of Nadia, Carter and Alara. He had once been told that dead man can’t tell new tales. He tries to keep his face calm, neutral as it was before as he reaches for the side of the box – eyes fluttering closed as he tries to keep himself together once a familiar sight comes into view.

A body lies in the box in front of him, having been attacked with minimal brutality, but the sight from that close was enough to make the strongest of men quiver. And he does, shrinking away in shock as he scrambles away from what he has just seen – making every effort he can to keep the appetizers and champagne he had consumed amongst the contents of his stomach. 

Even if he had despised him, he would have never wished this upon him. He would never wish such a fate on anyone. To have people recoil from you in fear, likely used as nothing but a tactic to keep the rest of Hidehill at bay, in line. As if he thought the day could not get any worse, he was facing away from the sight on his hands and knees, trying to find it within himself to lay his eyes upon it once more.

He does turn a bit prematurely, however, when he realizes such shock would likely send the rest of their loved ones into chaos. However, before any of them can get too close – his hands raise in a desperate plea. If he can keep them from seeing the grizzly sight in front of him, he will. 

“Everybody BACK! Stay back!”

While it works for some, he cannot avoid the curious. Even still, he slowly pulls out his phone as he tries to find it within him to stand. When he does, he’s a bit shaky on his feat but he somehow manages to dial the three simple numbers.

“Hi – this is Maximo Aguilar calling from Adriana Martinez’s residence in Hove Lake, someone..” He pauses, head shaking in disbelief as tears finally begin to fill his ears. Who the fuck would do this? Who would ruin such a special day? “Someone… gave us a body at our fucking baby shower..” He doesn't know how he's saying the words aloud as he gasps for air.

He had to give it to him. Nico Karvelas always managed to get the last laugh, even in death.

[durtystars]

i know the show (and george himself) claimed that george was the opposite side of ross but honestly i never saw it. and the more i thought about george's S1 portrayal (the only one i can bear) the more i realized that, sorry folks, he and francis are far more "two sides of the same coin" of a duo than he and ross.

now let me cook. look at both men from the outside. they're weak personality wise (or, to avoid like i'm bashing francis, weakER than ross), have huge daddy issues and because of that are deeply insecure (george out of rejecting his father's love out of shame, francis' from constantly belittled out of his father's favoritism for ross), are constantly trying to show they are strong enough to stand on their own (and failing); heck they even surrounded themselves with "stronger" people to convince themselves of their attempts at strength (francis with george, george with his fake friends group that went in a puff of smoke for no reason).

so where does the contrasts lie? where's the "two sides of the same coin" at? a simple fact: one has the love of ross. you see the more i think of it, francis had more of a chance to become george if it wasn't for his family (but in this case, we'll just say ross). say that ross wasn't his cousin but, seen from afar, unable to be grasped like george's POV. i really think that he would be jealous over his father's favoritism to the point of viewing him as george does: having a hatred and enamoring for him at the same time.

the very idea of them being "friends" at all is such a deeply interesting thing to think about. because if you ask me it was a long time coming. they're just too similar for something not to happen. and as i said the only thing that really prevented francis from becoming "bad" (or george) was that he ross (or in this case, he is synonymous with love now) and george didn't. so what happens if you take ross out of the question? exaaactly. it also makes me think of ross questioning liz on francis and george's "friendship" after he came back. it genuinely surprised him. and of course he would be, since he and francis were inseparable all their lives. it's also interesting to see the dynamic of francis and george by itself as well? the fact that george drew francis away from ross (love) and into his own world of darkness and self pity. and that the only way francis could stand up to him is if he gained security and self worth (i should also add here that, interestingly, the both considered suicide. and while the one became stronger from it, the other became weaker. i would argue that the one who became stronger only had the ability to because he had love, while the other doesn't even know what it is).

for my last comparison i would love to touch on george's seduction of francis, because it is truly so riveting to me. in his preying on francis, george is already coming from a weak mindset. he doesn't know love (in my opinion, he's incapable of it but i believe he can come close to it if pushed that way) and as such has no real interest in francis. and he knows that (1 as an outsider (2 the fact he's not ross will never get his attention, so instead he puts on a facade of a stronger man that will attract him. any normal person would see right through george and know he's faking it, but the vulnerable and equally weak francis falls for it (inevitably imo). notice how verity was never friends with george? nor charles. and liz always had an arms length relationship with him. no, the only person who was ever close with him was francis. and so in this relationship, we see two weak men feeding off of each other's insecurities, insignificant self worth and fathered rejection. francis falls for george's imitation of strength, which in of itself is starkingly weak that he cannot find a shred of himself that is good to use on francis, so he just does what he always does in life, taking parts of actual strong people and applying to it himself in a way of survival, almost. the only way such a deeply messed up could work on anyone is if they were as weak or even weaker than him. thus in comes francis, who happens to be connected to the man he's obsessed about. he must have thought he was blessed from above.

as for george and ross, what can i say? besides that they were rivals (mostly on george's end anyway) both lived in cornwall, i guess? i have tried to make a connection on the yin/yang affect and nothing much came to mind which made me believe the push for it was contrived. i could write even more about francis and george, however, but i'll stop here.