#my family always makes fun of me for wearing it though because it's to masculine apparently???

[starryeyeddreamer21]

Characters as things I've said/heard people say

Lucifer: *gazing longingly* Ughhh I want that duck umbrella so bad but I would never use it because umbrellas are for the weak or romantic and I am neither

Alastor: That is a children's umbrella

Lucifer: SO?!?! LET ME BATHE IN MY CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE! LET ME LIVE THE CHILDHOOD I NEVER GOT! LET ME FUCKING DREAM!!!!

Alastor: Why. Are. You. Yelling

[queergaygaygaygay]

Something, I just realised that really resonated with me about Gwen in Across Spiderverse, is her clothing.

When around non-spiderfolk adults and at home she wears loose fitting clothing which seems androgynous and hides the shape of her body.

But, when with Miles and her spider friends, she dresses in tight clothing. She’s clearly comfortable with her body when around friends but she seems to feel the need to hide her figure around people outside her friend group.

Similarly, I struggle with my body and didn’t wear shorts or tight fitting clothing for many years because I had problems with how masculine my legs and torso looked due to body hair and my wide shoulders.

These traits caused much dysphoria until I made more accepting friends when I became more comfortable with wearing shorts, tight tops, jeans and even leggings. My dysphoria became less severe around them because I knew they saw me as a girl. I even realised that some of my features were rather feminine like the shape of my legs and hips (though I don’t have curves) so I started empathising them making me appear more feminine and womanly. My shoulders are also not broad compared to most men and it bacame obvious my dysphoria had been exaggerating certain features.

Whilst at home though, or out with family, I wear baggy clothing which, whilst isn’t masculine, hides my shape so no one can tell my sex because I’m scared of my family’s reaction to seeing me in feminine clothing. Simultaneously, I feel less comfortable because I know they will always see me as a boy.

I know many cis girls and boys, especially in their teens. have body image issues and feel more comfortable showing their figure around friends but, to me, Gwen’s choice of outfits, and how they shape her, is very trans. A lot of cis girls (not all) will still dress fem around family but just not in clothes which emphasise their shape but Gwen chooses to dress androgynously around her dad and is more comfortable showing her shape around friends. Of course, it is her choice how she dresses but there’s a definite contrast between her clothes around friends and her clothes around her dad.

This is just a reading and I don’t know how intended it was but I thought it was a cool and fun approach which I found in this video. (Apologies the link can’t be copied here for some unknown reason so here’s a screenshot.) They cover a lot of readings of the film involving queer theory, race theory and comic history.

Also can we just appreciate how cool Gwen looks in every scene. The gender envy is so strong. <3

[callsign-rogueone]

Hey honey! Hope you’re feeling better today 💗💗 I’m adoring the directors cuts. We know you put so much thought and planning into your stories, and it’s so fun to get a glimpse of where your head was at when you were writing!

Can you give us some commentary on Dain and Love? She seems to be becoming a fan fave, and we the people need to know more about them!

Love you!

-fw-gt

this is so late but here it is!! I’m gonna kinda do a general overview for this one!! no quotes, just broad thoughts because I’ve been itching to unpack all my thoughts about Dain for months. here’s a few of them for now — there will be much more Dainposting from me in the future, that’s guaranteed.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — Dain wants a princess* that he can be the knight in shining armor for, and Violet isn’t that, so that’s (one of the reasons) why they didn’t work.

*Not a literal princess, but he wants a girl that’s going to let him protect her, let him play that masculine role and make the decisions, because he’s maybe a little bit insecure in that regard and also maybe a little old-fashioned, being from a military family with traditional values.

Love is kinda that girl, but she’s also very much not that girl. You said this perfectly in the discord the other day: Love is a good balance of what Dain wants, and what Dain needs.

She’s a lot of things that he wants — she’s beautiful and razor-sharp-smart, and kind and caring and so many amazing things (because she’s you all!). She wants to be cared for and doted on, (total daddy’s girl, first of all) and she knows her worth / what she deserves — besides her parents, Brennan and Duchess are her role-model example of how a relationship should be. so she’s got Standards.

However, comma, she’s still very much her own person, and that clashes with his personality quite a bit. She alters her uniforms to look more flattering and wears impractical shoes. She’s not afraid to laugh during formation or other serious situations. She memorizes her textbooks instead of studying them, and half the time she sleeps during optional training sessions. She’s a wild-child, playful and always down for a shenanigan. They’re going to have several more arguments about her putting herself in danger — she agreed to cut out the jumping-off-her-dragon stunt, but she’s not going to roll over for him every time just because he says so.

She’s not a damsel in distress, either. She can defend herself (guess who taught her to fight 👀) and she’s smart in tactical situations, as her dad was one of Fen’s tacticians, but she’s a bit of a wild-child, impulsive and ruled by her emotions, rather than the codex — though she does have the codex memorized. so she gets to play lawyer on behalf of the marked kids and finds ways to keep her shenanigans within the lines. the professors are sick of her shit, but also very impressed.

Dain is included in that category — alternating between awe and irritation. but he needs to be challenged, to be softened a little and learn to relax for once. he doesn’t go with the flow at all. ever. he’ll learn, though. he has to, if he wants this to work — which he does, but he’s still conflicted.

he’s got the pressure and disapproval from dear old dad, and the propoganda he’s been taught about her fam being traitors… and then there’s her absolutely terrifying older brother, who is the son of the “lead traitor” and absolutely despises him… but she’s so pretty and so nice to him, even though she shouldn’t be. and he feels bad for her, knowing what she’s been through. she’s slowly changing his perspective, and that’s uncomfortable at first. there’s gonna be turbulence.

and… SPOILERS FOR THEIR STORY BELOW, but most people know this already, and I’ve already said it multiple times;

they’re having a kid in Onyx Storm.

Dain and Love started as a one-shot request, part of the family, (which will eventually be re-written to change some things!!) but the more I thought about it, the more I was like… hmm. this could work, actually. fuck it, why not?

the idea of Dain, the self-proclaimed “responsible one”, becoming a young dad (22-23) is definitely unexpected — giving him a little reality check, and breaking the “graduation -> marry a nice girl from a good family -> have 2.5 kids -> get promoted as high as you can, in that order” model that he’s undoubtedly been taught to follow.

He has some shit to unpack regarding his upbringing and his relationship with his dad, and his mom not being in his life (headcanon of mine). and while Love is gonna help with that, as well as some of his other issues, it’s really going to be their baby girl that speeds things up and gets all this done and dusted.

but also, him having to unpack all the shit his father did, unlearn it, and then learn how to…

be a parent without his own parents there to help him, nor hers

raise a kid that won’t turn to hate you and help lead a revolution against you

make them feel safe and loved and meet their emotional needs, not just physical needs…

deal with the idea of Love being in danger now that there’s a baby in the mix

and some other things I won’t spoil hehe

so yeah. he’s got some stuff to figure out. I’m forcing him to have the character development he deserves in canon 😌 and these three are gonna love each other so much and be such a cute lil family, happily ever after, so help me god.

thank u for the excuse to ramble about them. ily 💗

[autisticthings]

Why Every Character In Bob's Burgers is Autistic

Part One: Bob

[click below to keep reading; and I'm making this a series due to me not being alive rn. also also sorry for the chaos of my thoughts]

[Main points will be blue]

Bob Belcher is autistic and here's why.

Firstly he wears the same thing everyday. I know. I know, all of them do, it's a cartoon, but everyone points out the fact that he wears the same thing everyday. Nobody points out anyone else wearing the same thing. Plus, in response to them making fun of him for wearing the same thing everyday, he always says those clothes are comfy. I do the exact same thing, I wear like 3 shirts a week, they're my comfiest. Do I have other clothes? yeah, but so does Bob. Also, everyone points out how greasy and stained his shirts are, he's wearing them to their fullest. I do the same thing, I have literally 17 holes in one of the shirts I love wearing (14 of them are really small).

Secondly, he's extremely socially awkward, I don't really have much more to say for this point, he's simply socially awkward. It's just the way he talks too, he's quite monotone if he's not experiencing intense emotions. every time he's talking to someone who is not in his family, he just goes very stiff. A lot of allistics (non-autistic people) that I've met will change their voice to be more suitable for strangers. If they work somewhere, they'll mostly sound more cheery. If they're passing a stranger (and if they're a cis man) they'll raise and deepen their voices. Bob doesn't do that. He is monotone and awkward. Adding onto the way he talks, he's also blunt.

During the episode where he gets invited for a cooking segment, the one where Linda flashes everyone, he's very blunt with his commentary. Which is why everyone likes watching Gene. Bob is doing what he's there to do, he took directions to cook and stuck with them. He's also very blunt with his kids, he'll say what he's thinking. Allistics don't do that, they are so weird and filter their thoughts like a billion times before saying anything. I've been told I have to consider others feelings when speaking, but that takes energy and I don't. Bob does the same thing.

Speaking of feelings, Bob is extremely empathetic. He just doesn't show it how allistics show it. He's "soft" towards his kids and their plans and remember that cow at the beginning of the series? dw, I barely do, he wanted to save the cow. He always gives in, a lot of allistic (cis) men will stand their ground on not caring due to toxic masculinity. Bob doesn't do that, he listens. And no, I'm not trying to demonize allistic men, I'm definitely generalizing /gen.

Also, I don't remember what it was, where it was, and who it was by, but I remember reading something about how some autistic people are more hyper-empathetic towards inanimate objects. Bob plays with items a lot and will give them voices. He personifies them and gives them feelings and opinions, sometimes it seems as though he feels bad for the object if "they're being left out". This could just be a segment for entertainment purposes, but I know some autistics do this. Including Bob.

Moving on, Bob is also routine-oriented. He has routines in the kitchen, you don't really see the actual kitchen routine, but you can see him freak out if it's thrown off. He might hide it well, but he is always thrown off. Like when he was stuck in the wall or on the toilet, or when those people changed the theme of his restaurant to a tiki theme. His biggest routine is Thanksgiving.

He gets crazy about Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is Bob's favorite holiday, and he needs it to be perfect and go according to plan, and just work out. He gets worked up about this "little" thing. Every year, he needs it to be perfect. This is the little "obsessions" autistic people have. One year, Teddy asks for Bob's help because his family is coming over and he needs it perfect. Bob helps him. On Thanksgiving day, the Belchers have their Thanksgiving dinner, and Bob was complaining about how the routine was thrown off. The timing of his cooking was off by even a couple minutes. He goes over to Teddy's later in the day, and performs the same routine but perfect that time. Also, the first Thanksgiving episode where he gets drunk and is freaking out about not doing any of the Thanksgiving traditions due to Mr. Fischoedor stealing his family for the day (hope you watched this episode and I don't just sound crazy).

He just gets obsessed over a lot of little things. Such as, that Burger Game, Thanksgiving, etc.

He has intense emotions over these things that are important to him and nobody else. Not only that, but he yells a lot when getting intense. As though he needs to be heard and correct. Things need to be a specific way. Also yelling to be heard leads back to his childhood of not being heard (woah, analyzing past traumas? thought this was an autistic analysis) yeah, no, still is. How many of you autistics have been disregarded because you're too autistic passionate or weird or annoying. I doubt anyone is saying "oh, not I".

Big Bob is autistic. Autism is hereditary and Big Bob, aka Bob's dad, was very critical of him. Big Bob was blunt, stuck to his routine, and had that meltdown when Bob threw off his groove. Yes, I know this is about Bob, but Big Bob isn't enough of a big character to get his own post (sorry Big Bob). Bob made his own burger for that old guy (don't remember his name sorry) and Big Bob flipped when the guy wasn't having his usual. Hereditary. Adding onto the hyper-empathy of inanimate objects, during the first episode where Big Bob is mentioned, you can see that Bob has been playing and giving voices to his toys forever.

---

Why were they both passionate about the burgers? Burgers are their Special Interests (or SpIns). Bob is so passionate about cooking, he knows what he's doing. His cooking is, again, routine, and he's creative with his burgers. He has fun with burgers, he's passionate about them, he loves them. He never stops. You just can't tell me that Bob doesn't have a special interest of burgers.

EDIT:

Bob also doesn't like parties. There's one episode where the rest of the Belchers missed his birthday and started planning a big surprise party, then realized he doesn't like surprises or parties. Bob was dreading the party, since he found out beforehand.

That's been all so far, if you have anything else you'd like me to add, feel free to leave a comment (im so sorry i sound like a youtuber), and if i think of more i'll add it.

Once I do a second person, I'll link it here.

---

@tittlebit

Who should I do Next?

[ex-textura]

Hey I hope you still want people rambling about their Tavs because you've opened Pandora's box with that one and now I'm back!

My actual canon Tav is named Tristan, like me. He actually had the name first. I first made him as an OC, and then fell in love with him so much that I decided I'll use the name for myself as well.

Anyway! His full name is Tristan Trevelyan, because someone in his life thought it'd be funny to troll him like that. No, there's just some interesting naming conventions going on in the Trevelyan bloodline. His father, for example, is (or was) named Trevor Trevelyan. He's not in Tristan's life anymore though, and they've never had a great relationship to begin with, but I haven't decided what exactly happened to him. I might have to revamp a bunch of Tristan's story anyway.

So far, Tristan is a literal prince, but he gave up his right to the throne because he wanted to travel the world instead of being chained down by the heavy duties of a future king. Whether or not he'll remain a prince, I'm not sure of, because I don't know how well that'd fit into the entire BG3 lore, but it's his canon origin so for now I'm rolling with it, and even if I demote him, he'll still have a noble background.

He's also transmasc like me, but unlike me, he's known it his entire life, and his mother, Shanna, has always supported him, to a point where she supplied (and still does to this day) him with ~a tincture that allowed his body to develop in a masculine way~, so pretty much fantasy HRT. When he's wearing pants, he passes perfectly, but since that tincture is medicine, and not magic, it didn't change the bits he was born with. Tristan is also outrageously gay though, and although his past hasn't been free of any and all kinds of struggles, he's come to see it as a blessing in disguise, because it gives him at least a hypothetical chance to have biological children with a man, should he ever find one he'll want that with.

Spoiler alert: He will.

Tristan is a sweet, wholesome kind of guy. He's kind, optimistic, and will give absolutely everyone at least one chance. He's helpful, and supportive of those he even remotely cares about, and makes an effort to uplift the people around him. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he's a terrible liar on top of it.

His best non-romantic friend out of the group will be Wyll, because those two have a lot in common even already at first glance. They're both valiant swordsmen with noble backgrounds, questionable fathers, a penchant for helping others, and a huge romantic streak, and I could've absolutely seen them falling in love, if it wasn't for the fateful moment in which Tristan pulled a certain man out of a certain portal, falling head over heels for him the second their eyes met for the first time.

There's much more to tell about my boy, but I think this is enough for one ask. Hope you've had fun reading!

It's Tristan!!! I've been dying to know more about him 😭

I love a good sweet boy, and a bad liar to boot. He sounds so wonderful. He and Gale are going to be so disgustingly(affectionate) romantic together, I can't wait to hear more about their love story

Tell me more! Are they going to have a big family?? One happily spoiled child? Is their wedding gonna be so huge???

(I still ALWAYS want people rambling about their tavs in my ask box they're all so beautiful and fun and lovely and I want to know them all!)

[foxboyclit]

im coming up on my 2 year t-aversarry so here's some assorted feelings on that (put under a cut because i didnt expect it to get this long oops)

first off, im hoping i don't get sick again so i can actually have a tea party to celebrate. even if its a little after the actual date i wanna do something

it looks like i cant grow anything more than some light whiskers but i never wanted a huge lumberjack beard anyway and i still get to shave regularly which is very euphoric. im a little disappointed though because ive always wanted a full beard

body hairs been really good though! its filled out nicely on my arms and legs and i have a full happy trail i am so so happy about that

my doctor said she noticed my shoulders had gotten more broad, which ive heard wasn't possible but apparently it is! and i see it myself too. she said i have more of an inverted triangle shape now, and it makes sense because ive noticed my hips shrink significantly. now apparently i wasn't very curvy to begin with but dysphoria makes me see things that aren't as prominent i guess

its also almost a year since my period stopped and i feel so much better having my emotions and energy levels at a constant state. i never have to think about whether i forgot to bring pads i haven't had cramps in MONTHS it's wonderful. i will say, ive noticed cis women are more comfortable talking about their periods around me and it's a mixed bag of emotions. im glad i give off that vibe that it's okay to talk about it but i feel bad saying "yeah im glad mine stopped" or "this is what i used to go through" which is the most i can relate to now so im kind of...sad? to not be able to talk about it? but also when i did menstruate i hated talking about it to anyone other than like. two specific people. idk

my voice is leveling out more, it still cracks but not as much as it did i feel like just a few months ago? still not where i want it but im getting closer and i love when my voice cooperates and is deeper without those cracks. ive gotten compliments on my voice too when i use my lower register! idk if the majority of people read it as masculine or even androgynous but i like compliments

still getting constantly misgendered, no matter what im wearing but im used to it. at least all my family, friends and coworkers respect my pronouns

ive been dressing a lot more feminine than i anticipated. but im having fun with it! its okay if im actually more feminine presenting than fluid like i previously thought. but also i could have another big swing in the opposite direction. i feel comfortable and stylish either way so im welcoming whatever changes

the gender fuckery of facial hair, flat chest and skirt has been *chefs kiss*

my t levels are on par with cis men! just knowing that makes me smile. estrogen is still high but it wasnt a concern with the doctor so im mostly okay with it

my libidos leveled out nicely, it's still a lot higher than before t but its not as intense as when i first started. adjusting to it has been pretty easy and im happy with where it currently sits.

body acne has mostly gone away! and i haven't had any massive breakouts or changes in my skin!

i swear to god i went down at least a cup size. its been waiting for the right time to pursue top surgery a hell of a lot easier. i always felt like if i had a smaller chest i wouldnt necessarily need top surgery, and i still want it but im more content with my chest now

i think all in all ive had to adjust my expectations for how id look by now, maybe its the dosage or genetics or aforementioned high estrogen or it just hasn't been long enough but i always expected to look more masculine this far in. it's still something i have to deal with from time to time but ultimately im happy with my body and im more okay taking this slowly than i anticipated

i dont have a conclusion for this other than wow. testosterone is one hell of a drug

[firstdivisiongirl]

Hiiii! How are you??? :) hope you are having a good day<3 may I ask for a romantic Tokyo revengers matchup, please??

My pronouns are she/her and I'm bisexual, but mostly attracted to men. I'm usually very friendly with everyone and willing to help people. I make friends easily and I'm very easygoing, like I could make friends with other random girls on the streets because if I find a girl very pretty or I like her style I usually come up to her and tell her and we start talking and talking like we already knew each other, lol. I'm very very loyal with my friends and family and I'm willing to go confront someone for them if they are having beef with someone else and asking for my help. I talk a lot about things that I like but I am a very good listener. I'm also very very forgetful and very very messy. I'm not good at school, like at all, I just have my head in the clouds most of the time. I'm also a very affectionate and touchy friend, most people find me pretty funny and chill, I tend to swear a lot even in normal conversations, even when I'm not mad, and I fall in love soooo easily, like way too easily😭 I have very very low standards even though I like more older, masculine and tall guys I also really really don't mind nerds, sensitive boys, artists, ykwim?? But I usually gravitate towards people who I think can take care of me and give me a little bit of princess treatment, patient lovers. I'm also kind of the type of girlfriend who is kinda like your best friend. But I just fall very easily and get heartbreaks a lot. I'm a very sensitive person, very empathetic, but sometimes I'm unintentionally rude to my friends or other people, so I can be rude and uncalled sometimes and I'm very ashamed of that after, and sometimes especially with professors I can be easy to put up a fight with since I have a sharp tongue- my hobbies are drawing, photography, watching anime, singing, theater, acting,the history of cinema and animation, makeup and hanging out with my friends :)

I dislike people who are mean just because they think it's fun to be randomly mean to someone, people who look at you weird or snob you when you compliment them, when people touch my stuff without asking, when someone hurt animals and people who just can't stand up for themselves not even a little bit. I really like Italian old love songs, love books from the 50s 60s (they are literally so romantic without being cliche), musicals, disney movies expecially the old ones, animation, flowers (even though im allergic🧍🏻‍♀️), making people laugh, imprevedibile and fun people, dressing feminine, horror and romantic movies, videogames, old rock and romantic music.

I'm 5'0 with long long brown hair with highlights and bangs, amber eyes with long lashes, thin lips, a mole next to my nose and I always try to smile bc I like how I look when I smile :) my skin is pretty taken care of and clear, i love dressing feminine but mostly dress with baggy pants and a crop top or compression shirt, something like that, but sometimes i love putting on very short miniskits and platforms to look taller (I never wear non-platform shoes bc I wanna look taller). Also I love wearing hello kitty stuff😭❤️

I feel like this is way too much I am so so sorry- you can ignore if you don't feel like doing it🙏❤️

Have a great day, love the way you write, keep it up :D

Hi. I am doing pretty good. You didn't write too much at all and I would never ignore it. And thank you for the kind words. I want to let you know that I picked someone who could be considered controversial. If you don't like it, DM me and I will give you another. I hope you like it!

You Got...

Tetta Kisaki!!!!

I know. He's...him. But hear me out!

He's into girls who are friendly and super nice. You also give me Hina vibes.

He seems to be into very into things like history and film. I think you two would talk about film, it's history, how different camera angles are used, etc.

He would get you so many vintage things like books and old records. Anything to see you smile.

He would love that you fall so easily. That means it is easier for him to win you over. Although, he will try very hard to be the perfect partner.

WILL NEVER BREAK YOUR HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will treat you like a princess.

Most people would think he would hate someone who is not great in school. But I believe he would like that because then he could tutor you and spend more time with the person he loves.

Slow dancing to old songs in the living room!

Would love that you can fight for yourself. Makes him worry less about you and your wellbeing. He will still worry, but a little less

And lastly, he will love you no matter what. If you are rude, he will love you. When you are upset, he will love you.

Please do not copy, modify, translate or repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs and likes are highly appreciated!

[tenrosedyke]

ok great news guys I have figured my shit Out:

- I'm not a man I'm just like. transmasc butch which honestly isn't a HUGE revelation since I've identified as butch for years but the transmasc part is new

- I do think there's going to be a slight transition involved in terms of like my appearance and stuff- top surgery obvi which I've wanted for years is still like priority but I also think I want to start microdosing t? just a little to see how it feels for a bit. And I think I'm going to get a packer just to kind of see how it feels- I don't have any dysphoria relating to that at all as of rn and I don't necessarily see bottom surgery being in my future but I think I want to dip my toe in the water just to see.

- even though it's scary I'm going to be like more open and honest about it now and like be more loud about it. it's not as big of a secret in my personal life but at work and stuff I really do make myself seem smaller and make myself seem more feminine and I'm going to stop doing that. and I'm going to tell people to stop calling me Emma I'm declaring that a dead name now it's just em lol

- I'm changing to go by any pronouns because upon reflection I've found I don't really mind either way. she doesn't bother me at all, I'm indifferent about they, he is kind of foreign to me but in a fun way. I like playing around with titles- for example, it would feel wrong if my siblings were to call me their brother, so i do still like sibling or sister for that kind of thing, definitely like kid or daughter and not son- but if I had a gf and she wanted to call me her boyfriend once in a while id like that. Or like it's fun being called sir in public and stuff. (And I have a praise thing and like being called good boy LOL. NEVERRR call me a good girl I'll scream)

- gonna put in more effort to like masculinize my personality if that makes sense I've always been so so envious of (what I perceive at least to be) the way dudes always seem to be so confident and loud and just like taking up space. I'm definitely not like that, my natural mannerisms are so feminine, and I don't think theres anything like actually wrong with that it does just cause me a lot of dysphoria so I'm going to make an effort to change that I guess?? I've heard t can just kind of make that happen we'll see. Probably about 90% of that is confidence that comes from not having debilitating gender dysphoria lol so adds up

I'm very excited to try t!! I have a lot to work out like, I'm kind of debating if I'll even tell most people? Or (especially if I microdose it) if it'll be subtle and gradual enough that it'll ever be brought up. But that's probably wishful thinking lol the changes I want would definitely be noticeable so I will likely probably have to have a VERY difficult conversation with my family I am not looking forward to. But hopefully my mother will take comfort in the fact that I am not a Man (although the view is bullshit it does work in my favor just a little) and I don't think she'll disown me over it, just be a super big asshole about the testosterone lol. However a deeper voice and (hopefully!!) smaller hips and more angular face and a little bottom growth will make that all worth it lol.

And I just bought a new binder that I think will help a lot because the one I use now is old and stretched out and not really designed for big chests anyways, and I'm going shopping with a friend this weekend so I will be very purposeful in buying clothing that makes me feel good (I wear all men's clothes now but a lot of it is more 'androgynous' because I've been clinging to a shred of plausible deniablilty that frankly I don't want anymore.) I also think getting a new cologne will help which I know is silly but it's something I associate very much with masculinity in my brain and the one I have now is, again, a 'unisex' smell for that plausible deniability. That being said assigning gender to things like clothes and smells is silly but I do not control what gives me euphoria lol.

All in all I am very pleased to come to this conclusion! Who knows if any of this will change LOL, and it feels weird because I debated for like three days and came to this conclusion but truthfully I've been struggling to come to terms with gender since like, 2018. so it is a long time coming.

now to figure out how to get my little dyke hands on some HRT BABY !!!!!

[clockworksteel]

Haven't really been focused on gender in a while, huh? I'd honestly like to get back to it. I feel like there's a certain spark I had in September through November that has been lost. Even if I'm still unsure of what I want, the idea that I could change things represented a certain hope for the future.

Somehow the beginning of the year is always stressful at work. That and it was the Winter months. Plus I needed to do taxes, my driver's license needs renewed and I needed to look into getting a RealID this year, and I took an extra trip to my parents' near the end of February to celebrate a family event. Visiting my parents tends to have me focusing more on exmormon things for a while. I haven't really left that mode since I'll be visiting again for Easter. Then after that I should have a break from visits until at least July 4, possibly late August since I only visit for July 4 if my brother with a July 3 birthday is going to be there, although if I don't go then I visit for one of the August birthdays.

It was an alright trip with no sudden questions about why I don't believe anymore, but I was still worried about it, especially since I intended to leave before church on Sunday instead of going with them and leaving in the afternoon, but they didn't even argue with that. Maybe since it was an unusual trip they figured I had to get back and do things. My mom did make fun of my hair within minutes of my arrival though, simply because it had been 2 months since the last haircut (a buzz-cut at the time: it's not even that long now nor was it then). Then she did it again to my oldest brother once he arrived. It makes me feel like I can't ever do anything interesting with my hair, considering I visit pretty much every 4 months, plus an extra visit for Christmas.

I have still had small random thoughts that do indicate my thinking has been changed, if only slightly. Still wearing my oversized T-shirts at every opportunity. Kinda wanting to get back into voice training a little, just in case it's needed (although there's less reason now since I finished The Knight Witch: Freedom Planet 2 is already voice acted). Thinking I should get more info on laser hair removal. Considering a few other purchases but also not really wanting to commit money to things. I also definitely had a dream about a tool that could remove leg hair without even causing pain.

I used a they/their pronoun for myself in a Youtube video. In Hollow Knight Randomizer episode 1 near the start I said "I am a fool who is trying randomized nail for their first randomizer ever." It was nice to do after having just used a he/him the previous time I'd referred to myself in third person back in Axiom Verge 2. Didn't miss the opportunity this time. Also in a Discord server I joined to do Archipelago Randomizer stuff, I have my pronouns visible as he/they, which also feels like some sort of progress on public presentation.

In trying a nonbinary identity I keep not being sure if I'm doing it right at all. It feels like either I should be identify something important besides pronouns that's different between my masculine self and nonbinary self. Or, alternatively, if I've just always been nonbinary without realizing the proper pronouns, something that would need to be different for me to be properly masculine. This whole line of thought may need deprogrammed rather than being a healthy way to think about gender though. That, and most men probably don't daydream about finding an outfit sufficiently androgynous to have random strangers think they could be a woman, then just dropping into a feminine voice and never correcting the stranger.

My notes for this post contain the phrase "She, like a computer". A cool possibility for sure. I guess one attractive thing about a feminine identity, despite the wide array of practical problems, is that at least it's a clearer target to aim for. But, uh, that only helps if it's where I'd definitely want to be.

I guess the most interesting thing to conclude these past few months is that even without visiting any transgender-related subreddits or discord servers over the past few months, this sort of stuff is still on my mind.

[orleans-jester]

Claudette + Kuzco + Clopin + Piper

Claudette gets Valentines Day - always. It’s her favorite holiday. It used to be her birthday but then she started feeling old, and not exactly wanting to celebrate that, so Valentine’s Day. Bring on the champagne, which she had a taste for better than Clopin’s love of wine. She would bulk order a bunch of candy hearts - the good, fancy kind that have real flavor and aren’t just chalk - and have personalized messages on them. ‘Kuzpin forever’ ‘Kuzette forever’ And of course there were more dirty ones, instructional ones ‘Kiss me’ ‘Suck me’ ‘Fuck me’ Some had memories on them to make them giggle and reminisce. ‘Disney sux’ ‘Walmart rulez’ ‘Paris, u + me’ ‘Today is the greatest’ All shaved everything, hair extensions, make up to try to soften up the very masculine features, and wearing a little (what else?) purple nightgown. Of course some of these hearts will be for Piper, because no one lets Piper be left out. She’ll get her own box of fancy French chocolates, ordered before they left NZ, and their temp maid picking it up. Lots of serenading from Claudette, dancing, living the best life.

Frank + Delta

Although Frank hasn’t been feeling the best, since apparently Delta has been thinking about a lot of his failures and singing Flotsam’s praises (come on, he’s a jealous guy of course he’s going to catch onto all of that, it’s not going to be great), he still slightly celebrates the big love day. He doesn’t do it in a grand way, he’s not much for that. Not is he going to go all lovey dovey, hearts over everything, romance is in the air, serenading like Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You. This is Frank. Who is having doubts because everything is pointing to Delta doing the same. Especially when being friends with Valerie apparently goes hand in hand with insulting him, she only thinks about one while doing the other? What he will do is he will walk through the chaos to where there are still those lingering outside, the stubborn reporters, the foolish, hopeless people hoping that their loved ones will come out. He picks two. Beckons them in. And then he enjoys the simple act of strangling them with his own hands. That’s something that came out through Delta. He only loved receiving pain. Now he didn’t mind giving it, but he saved the more exquisite, creative pain for those that deserved it. Not these .. things. Carved them up. Took out their hearts. So slippery and slimy and red. He left the corpses to either fester or for the feral animals to eat up. Fresh meat. Using careful stitches that Sally had taught him, he sewed the two hearts together to become one. A meaty surprise. Surround it in resin so that it will last longer than a few hours before the stench becomes too horrible. Preserved now. No ribbon or cards, he’ll just give it to Delta during their dinner, kissing the top of her hand.

GoGo + Scout

Of course Valentine’s Day falls on a school day. And though she’s rather caught up in her mechanics, as per usual, and taking care of these human-like dolls and their vampire owner, the lack of boxing girl has been noticed. Scout didn’t really have to say anything. So as a bit of fun, Go-Go comes into school early and sets up a fan in the back of Scout’s locker, that’s attached to the door, and filled it with Fast and the Furious valentines. So that when Scout goes in to try to get her books, whoosh, the valentines are going to come flying out in the breeze, and scatter all over the hallway.

Oogie Boogie + Spade + Barrel

Quality family time, a big batch of candied hearts - real hearts, of course, dipped in sugars to make it oh so sweet and meaty and chewy and crisp. Rather simple this year, but there’s a lot coming up, Oogie can feel it.

Valentin + Nicolai

Valentin starts off the day with jumping on his cousin’s bed. “ITS MY DAYYYYY!” He says, music playing, lots of dancing. Pretty much acting out the True Faith music video up there. Nicolai is used to this, aims a well timed ick at his knees, making him buckle and fall off the bed. He’s going to be like this for the rest of the day. Handing out roses to people who were still at HTT. Unable to pay attention in class. It’s not even his birthday. It’s just Valentine’s Day. He keeps an eye out for CJ though is unsure if he made it through the craziness. Finishes off the night with Kartoshka and Salted Caramel White Russians.

Elsa

Elsa won’t be saying much when Koda goes. She got her rejection email. She was hardly the type to rebuttle it, no meant no. It was a shame. But he was leaving her with memories. She would move out of the hotel, refusing to take up anymore of the Laveaus money on it, and find herself a small studio to stay in for the time being. Ellie was strong willed, she would be going whether Elsa approved of it or not, there was no point in trying to find a bigger place. She’d just - seem to carry on. Settle in. Visit the Laveaus every once in a while, trying to make a point of doing it once a week, even if just for a short while. She even buys Go-Go’s old bike - a standard bicycle, nothing souped up - to get all the way out there. Where is life going, she does not know. But behind those doors, she feels that loss very deeply. The candles left by Koda stay on her table, with reverence.

Ellie + Babyface

Valentine’s Day probably happening on the road. She’s remembering the one the year before. Working, and then being surprised by him bringing over a Care Bear. It was a really cute gesture. Making out in the pantry. She’d be looking at him and smiling a lot, remembering it, bring it up. She’ll try to surprise him at one of their stops by getting him a couple of gifts. Babyface was such a tough guy, or at least he tried to be, she let him keep up the illusion though she knew the softie beneath, so she started with a unicorn that she’d keep on the dashboard of whatever vehicle they managed to get. It reminded her of the prom that they totally crashed. A couple of giant candy bars. AND some weird teriyaki beef jerky sodas.

Maddy + Bastien + Frankie

It’ll be another Valnetine’s Night inside, since there’s not much in the city now - no going out to get dinner, drinks, see a movie, anything like that. But that’s alright, there’s plenty to do inside. Maddy will put Frankie in a cute little Valentine’s Day outfit to start up that cheer. She wasn’t going Reaper this year, though she still had that outfit hanging in a special place, but she did stic with something pretty and black that was sheer but also hid that belly she was still working on getting rid of, did a bit of make up to try to be more sultry and sexy. Feeding her man right, giving him some dances so maybe he could objectify her a little bit, just a touch, and of course, plenty of love, kissing all over, massaging, pampering him.

[hiiragi7]

Your experiences sound so incredibly similar to mine in some ways. I hope it's okay for me to ramble a little on your post.

The letter on my birth certificate was often treated more like a suggestion than a rule. My parents disagreed often on how to manage my gender expression, especially between my stepmom, a catholic woman, and my biological mom, a lesbian.

My biological mom has told me she specifically chose a gender-neutral name for me, and that she tried to raise me as gender non-conforming as possible. She said I'd never really been a girl or a boy. She purposefully never bought me anything "too girly", she didn't want me touching anything pink, and she definitely didn't want me near make-up. I was barred from anything "too feminine".

I was raised androgynously but feel as though I was treated closer to a little boy for a lot of my childhood, and with that came all the restrictive toxic expectations of masculinity. Keep your hair short, don't get too emotional, you're too tough to feel pain. Wear "boy" clothes, enjoy "boy" interests, play with "boy" toys. You don't wear make-up, you don't wear dresses, you don't wear skirts, that's not for you. You don't like the color pink, do you?

At the same time, it was acknowledged by my parents that I was a girl, if only by that word alone. I just wasn't a girl "like that". I was "basically one of the boys". My girlhood was something of a fun fact, and it was treated very differently from my youngest sister's girlhood. My little sister was given a whole range of femininity that I was never allowed, and I remember feeling very conflicted about it growing up.

Things got messy after my dad remarried my stepmom, and there was always such a thick air of tension surrounding my gender on both sides of my family. There was a 50/50 custody agreement, half the week I would spend being expected to fulfill the role of something androgynously boy-ish and half the week I would spend being expected to fulfill the role of something girl-ish.

Debate came over my hair, my clothes, who I was friends with, and just about everything about me - wars of pink and blue painted over my life.

When I was in middle school, I wanted to explore femininity (by my own choice this time), and every step of it was a fight not just within my family but with just about everyone. When I was in highschool, I once again wanted to explore gender, this time seeking to explore masculinity on my own terms, and this too was a fight - one that ended in me being kicked out of the house by my stepmom when I was 17 years old. She had always wanted me to be a girl.

My intersex characteristics further complicate my gender, not having developed quite one way or the other. I've physically transitioned in some way towards both what is referred to as femininity and masculinity.

Gender, no matter what direction, has never truly been freely given to me. It has always been something I have had to fight for. Being something in the middle has always meant I wasn't quite enough of one or the other, and that meant a lot of force in an attempt at gender conformity.

My connection to labels like transfemininity and transmasculinity or even just trans itself is complicated, and I often find it difficult to use a lot of trans terminology to describe myself despite definitely being trans because these labels and any discussion of them often is so binary and rigid and exclusionary. I see so many other trans people try to define transfem and transmasc as "it's based on your AGAB", "it's based on what gender you were socialized as", "it means having something to physically transition to", and I just don't neatly fit into any of these. The answer I would give to each of these is different, and so the definitions simply don't work for me.

I just remembered how my entire childhood was people forcing me to be masculine 🙏🏻 I was never allowed to be the mom I had to be the dad I was never allowed to have my hair long and down it has to be up because people just viewed me as this “almost boy” so it’s weird if I was feminine. The fact people looked at me weirdly more when I wore makeup and started to dress fem than when I was dressing masculine 🙏🏻 they wanted me to be a boy because it made more sense to them. Besides when I was only identifying as nonbinary I didn’t even really get odd looks or questions about being a guy people just saw it as natural like I was meant to be a guy. I think that’s why I struggle with afab = GIRL etc cuz intersex afab people can very much face these kinds of things which is why being tfem as such isn’t very out of the ordinary ? I have intersex friends and one of which is also tfem and we both have faced the same struggles. Ofc not ALL tfem afabs face this so it doesn’t apply at all to everyone but this is my experience I’m not just ….. pretending ?

[idy-ll-ique]

baby names

pairing: loki x pregnant!f!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none, it's very cute 😩

requested: nope

word count: ~1.6k

summary: y/n is pregnant and loki can't stay away from her

author's note: hiya peeps! a loki fic after such a long time, kinda got tired of writing bucky fics all the time,,,, (though next week there's gonna be a bucky x f!reader 👀) enjoy!

masterlist

---

"Loki."

"Don't call me that."

Y/N raised an eyebrow at her husband and he grumbled angrily, pulling her closer to him. "Sweetheart," Y/N began, "You should go." Loki whined childishly, burying his face in her shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere," he firmly mumbled Y/N sighed, running her hand through his silky soft hair. "6th time. Yet they always invite you. Why aren't you leaving the house?"

"Because you're pregnant! I'm not going anywhere until the baby is safely out of you and you both are well taken care of." Y/N smiled softly at his concern but pulled away from Loki. "Well I think you need some sun, you should go. And no is not an option. You know what? I'm calling Tony right now and telling him you are going with all of them." Before Loki could object, Y/N picked up her phone and called Tony.

Loki had been invited by Thor and the other male Avengers on a weekend trip to the beach, sponsored by Tony Stark. Everyone was going; Tony, Steve, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Scott, Sam, Bucky, Vision… they'd also invited Loki, since he had now permanently settled on Midgard with his lovely wife Y/N, but he'd initially refused because he didn't want to leave Y/N alone.

She was 8½ months pregnant. Though there was still a week or two of estimated time remaining for the birth, Loki didn't want to leave because what if the baby came early? Tony, Clint and Scott, who were also fathers, had assured him several times since Y/N's pregnancy announcement that the baby would be okay, Y/N would be okay but he still worried himself sick everyday.

"Do I absolutely have to go?" Loki groaned, lying flat on his back on the bed as Y/N sat back down after her chat with Tony. "Yes. I need some time alone— you need some time alone. You're gonna give yourself a heart attack one day by how much you worry over this baby of ours. A nice trip to the beach with clear skies and golden sand and the blue sea will do you much good."

Loki sulked. Y/N, getting a teasing smirk on her face, nudged his shoulder. "Hey, there are gonna be girls in skimpy bikinis on the beach, you know," she suggested and Loki made a face, pulling Y/N down to give her a deep kiss. "I love you," he glared at her, "I don't care about those scantily dressed women. Fine, if it makes you feel better, I'll go."

"Yay! Now I can call Wanda and Nat and Sharon and Pepper and Maria and Darcy over so we can have our own day out! It's gonna be awesome," Y/N squealed, already busy texting as Loki sputtered.

Is that why she wants me out of the house that bad?

He couldn't blame her, though, the pregnancy had taken a toll on both the parents. Y/N used to be in pain all the time, had severe nausea and couldn't go out with all her friends like she used to. Now that the symptoms had started wearing off, he really couldn't blame her for wanting to have a nice day out with friends. "Have fun, darling," he smiled, giving her another kiss.

---

"Yo, Lokes, you ready to go?" Clint called out cheerfully as Loki walked towards the group of men, a scowl on his face. Yes, at home he'd agreed to accompany them on the trip but now that the day was actually here… "Not really but I don't have a choice," he grumbled and Steve smiled amusedly. "Y/N kick you out?" Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, how did you know? She wants to have a girl's day out with the other ladies."

"I overheard Wanda and Natasha talking. Anyway, come on, let's hit the road!"

All of them got into two cars: Steve, Sam, Bucky, Thor and Loki in one while Clint, Scott, Tony, Bruce and Vision got into the other. Sam was driving, Steve was in the passenger seat, Bucky was in the middle seat and Thor and Loki were in the extreme back. "So, how's Y/N doing?" Bucky asked Loki, leaning back on his seat.

"She's doing well, the nausea and pain has stopped," Loki answered, following Bucky's lead. "I'm glad to hear it. Have you decided on a name? Because I assure you, Bucky is a really good contender," he grinned cheekily and even Loki laughed, shaking his head. "We haven't thought of any names as of yet."

"Are you looking for a Midgardian name or an Asgardian one?" Sam piped up. Loki blinked. "You know, that is a really good question," he muttered. "How about a Midgardian first name and an Asgardian middle name?" Steve suggested. "Why not the other way around?" Thor frowned. "Well, yeah, that works too," Steve shrugged. "Hm, that's a good suggestion. I will talk to Y/N."

"So is Bucky on the table—"

"No."

"Aw, man."

---

"Hey girl, after a long time!" Natasha grinned, giving Y/N a familial hug. "Hi, gals! Yes, I even got Loki to leave, took a lot of begging but he finally agreed," she sighed. "Could've just given him head or something," Pepper muttered and Y/N burst out laughing as the other ladies gasped. "Pepper!" Sharon exclaimed, shocked.

"What? It usually works on Tony," Pepper defended herself as everyone joined Y/N in her laughter. "So, ready to shop?" All the ladies got into a 7-seater car, with Maria in the driver's seat. "Can't wait! This Avenging stuff doesn't give me time for self-care, I swear. Haven't shopped in ages!" Wanda sighed. All the women agreed with her, muttering their yesses.

"By the way, Y/N, I've wanted to ask you this for so long now, have you decided on baby names yet?" Darcy questioned with a grin. "Oh! No we haven't as of yet, I have lots of good names but I haven't talked to Loki…" Sharon looked up from her phone. "Do you have Asgardian names or like, normal, Earth names? I have a feeling that Loki would want Asgardian names," she suggested.

Y/N frowned in thought. Sharon was right; both the brothers, Loki and Thor, took great pride in their homeland. She didn't mind, to be honest, Asgardian names were wonderful. "I like Asgardian names too, though, I'm open to it," she chuckled.

"Great! So if it's a girl, Darcy—"

"Darcy!"

"What? I'm just saying…"

---

"Brother?" Loki startled out of his thoughts, turning to Thor. "Sorry, I was… thinking," he cleared his throat and Thor smiled, sitting next to him. Around 6 hours had passed since they'd arrived at the resort and Loki couldn't get Y/N out of his mind. What is she doing? Is she okay? Should I go check on her? What if the baby is coming? Surely she'd call me if that happens…

"About Y/N?" Loki went red and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah." Thor clapped him on the back once, guffawing good-naturedly. "Don't you fret, brother, the ladies she is with are extremely competent! She will be okay, and plus, the baby isn't going to be here for another week or so," Thor assured him but worry gnawed Loki. Nope, I can't do it. He abruptly stood up, startling Thor.

"I'm going home."

"Loki—"

Just a second later, Loki disappeared.

---

"Mm," Y/N moaned, a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, "Isn't it delicious? What do ya say… Rosie?" The baby kicked once. "No? Okay, well… Sarah? Petunia?" The baby kicked more. "Oh, you want masculine names, huh… Uh, Alex?" One kick. "I know, Chris!" Another kick. "Tom?" More kicks. "So you don't want Midgardian names? Well, I don't know very many Asgardian names…"

"I do."

Y/N shrieked loudly, dropping her tub of ice cream as she turned to see Loki standing near the bedroom door. "Loki?" She picked a book off the nightstand and threw it at him. He caught it easily, sitting down next to her while keeping the book where it was. She instantly cuddled into his side, tearing up. Sure, she was the one who was too eager to send him away but she was also the one who couldn't stay away from him.

"Aw, hey, I'm here, my love," Loki whispered comfortingly, rubbing her back as she sobbed into his arms. "Don't go again. I missed you," she sniffled and Loki pressed a soft kiss to her head. "That is also why I came home early, darling, I missed you too," he laughed and she snuggled even closer to him.

"Little baby Axelia missed you too— ow! No? So… what about Lucinda? Ow, ooh… Priscilla? No?" Loki watched with an infatuated smile as she tried out different names on the baby. "What if our baby wants a more masculine name, love?" he asked and she turned to him.

"Hm, have you got any names in mind?"

"Well, Barnes was suggesting we name our child Bucky—"

"Ow! Nope, they don't like it."

"Oh well. He's going to be disappointed but what the baby says goes," Loki teased and Y/N burst out laughing. She stopped all of a sudden, giving Loki a small smile. "Please don't go anywhere again," she whispered and Loki shook his head, gathering her in his arms. "I missed you just as much as you did me, Y/N, I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, min kjæreste."

"...That's Norwegian, isn't it?"

"Beautiful, though, isn't it?

"Yes, very."

---

a/n: thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

[genderkoolaid]

since we’re doing transandrophobia experiences!

this is more of a microaggression or seriously a moment of cis people not understanding gender but my cousin came to visit and i was obviously dressing masculine and my hair was presenting a little more on the masculine side (hair braided down, was wearing my favorite flannel and pants). and because i was wearing some earrings i made she said “well i think you’re actually pretty feminine!” hello. it doesn’t help that she is very feminine in presentation but also reacts poorly to me not wanting to do “feminine” things (like using lip balm? and wearing dresses?). the last time she visited (like 2016) she forced me to buy makeup at the store i didn’t really want. it was awkward and uncomfortable. looking back i think she was very uncomfortable with my expression

same cousin told me i need to wax my face to permanently get rid of facial hair, “it doesn’t look good, we can’t be having that” (because i have facial hair due to pcos, a chronic illness or intersex condition if we wanna consider that too. to be fair i wasn’t diagnosed then but that still doesn’t give her the right to judge other people’s bodies??). absolute shit show if i actually want on T i imagine

same cousin (i know.) told my family if they let me move in with her in another state i’d “return a woman” (she’d forcefully mold me into one), literally trying to convince my mother to allow that. i dodged a bullet

this one is probably typical of transmascs but my mother pulling me away from the men’s section (which is why i hate shopping besides being uncomfortable with trying in clothes before i knew what being trans was), telling me i couldn’t wear a suit to. a literal queer youth prom.

people (usually cis women) being very offended that you’re not over the moon about doing stuff they want you to do because you’re spoiling the fun if you don’t

being labeled a tomboy all my life and my family members patiently waiting for my “feminine side” to magically appear and replace it. like am i supposed to jump out of a cake or something? anyways me being trans has helped me feel comfortable doing all types of gender expression, turns out that forcing people doesn’t work! shocking

kids from my high school GSA always kind of leaving out the one trans guy that used to show up and he was the only trans man that ever did drop by. i feel sad looking back on it now i wish i’d connected with him more but i tried to make everyone feel welcome

every single instance of “men evil bad” preventing me from actually exploring how i feel gender wise until literally now because i don’t feel afraid of being masculine anymore for exterior and interior (internalized transandrophobic) reasons. still working on it though

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[januarymoreau]

alright so I know literally no one cares about this but it’s my social media I’m doing what I want /lh

I’ve been seeing a lot of slander about justin russo on the internet lately and I’m currently hyperfixated on wizards of waverly place so here’s why justin is an awesome character/doesn’t deserve the hate he gets

He’s kind and treats those he loves well. Justin is canonically really good at comforting people. Although he argues with Alex a lot, at the end of the day, he’s also her older brother and genuinely cares about her. When Professor Crumbs threatens to take Alex’s magic away because she doesn’t turn her report card in, Justin says that Crumbs will also have to take his magic away. Justin is ultimately selfless. We see again and again the sacrifices he makes for Alex and I think we mainly see his kindness in that relationship. Despite that, I think he’s also notably kind to Juliet. When he finds out that he made the mistake of reporting Juliet and her parents, he instantly tries to fix it. Not only does he try to fix it, but he puts his job as Monster Hunter in jeopardy for Juliet and her parents - her parents haven’t even been that nice to him. Justin is ultimately selfless and at the end of the day, he sacrifices himself or what he wants for others. When Rosie turns back into a good angel, instead of selfishly continuing to date her and keeping her in the mortal world (which he could have done - she literally offers to stay with him), he gives her up because he realizes the world needs a guardian angel more than he needs a girlfriend. Even though it hurts because he loved her, he gives her up. There’s no “award” for doing this - he won’t move up a level in the wizard competition, he really won’t get any recognition for giving Rosie up. He doesn’t even get any recognition for turning the moral compass back to good. He does it because it’s the right thing to do. Although later I’ll argue that Justin is constantly seeking validation, I also think that the heroic/good things he does are often done with no expectation of being praised for it. He does them because he has a strong sense of morals. He’s also kind to Harper, Zeke, his parents, and even Max, who people rarely ever show kindness to in the show.

He’s in touch with his emotions. When the show starts, Justin is very against anything that will show him as feminine or emotional. In fact, he even says he’s allergic to emotions (or something like that) to cover for the fact that he’s crying over his missing dog. As the show goes on, we see Justin start to embrace and accept his emotions more and to lose touch with his toxic masculinity. I think dating Juliet changed him in a lot of ways (making him more relaxed, etc), and I think one was encouraging him to be more emotional. After Wizards vs. Vampires, Justin is pretty emotional and open about his emotions in the show. He’s even open with talking about them. In the movie, he opens up to Alex about how he feels like Jerry & Theresa wouldn’t love him as much if he were less “perfect,” which brings me to my next point.

At the end of the day, Justin is a sad character. I know it’s a kid’s show but they really do cover a lot of issues so bear w me. I’m hyperfixated and I like to over analyze shows so I’ve thought about this a lot. Justin is the oldest, which means he already deals with pressure to be perfect. Then, add in the fact that his parents are constantly describing him as the “perfect child” and putting him on a pedestal, while pitting the kids against each other as a result of the wizard culture bc of the family competition (I love Jerry & Theresa but they’re not perfect). He’s also a high achiever and we know he puts extreme pressure on himself to do well - they always make a joke about it but it’s actually quite sad. He literally feels poorly about himself when he gets a B and bases his entire self worth on his grades and skills as a wizard. In fact, in the movie he voices doubt about whether or not he’s good at anything other than magic. I have a few things I want to say about all of this. First of all, I think Justin is constantly seeking validation. I think as the oldest and “best” child, he feels the need to be perfect all the time, but he also does many of the things he does because he just wants validation. When Harper decides to run a marathon, Justin does too, and sadly his accomplishment of finishing it is overshadowed by Harper “winning.” I also think Justin feels threatened by the success of others because he thinks it invalidates his. When he opens up to Alex in the movie, he says that he’s jealous of her because it seems like everything comes naturally to her. Justin feels as if his parents loving his siblings takes away from their love from his. It’s irrational, but very real. Which brings me to my next point - Justin has generalized anxiety disorder. It makes sense - the overthinking, the outbursts he has (Alex refers to it as a conniption once) of panic or frustration, the overachieving, etc. As someone who probably has autism, I also think he’s autistic (which would explain his troubles with tone, struggle making friends, obsessions with things like Captain Jim Bob Sherwood and science, being better w robots than people, and so much more).

Ultimately, Justin has a strong moral backbone. Although he’s a stickler for the rules and this oftentimes leads him to do bad things initially, he always does the right thing in the end. For example, when Justin and Alex go to court and Justin duplicates himself to be his lawyer, his lawyer ultimately proves that Justin is guilty; he even says something along the lines of “We’re Justin Russo. We always do what’s moral and just.” Justin has a strong sense of justice (which could also be from being autistic but I could do a whole other post about neurodivergency coding in WOWP and Disney & Nick shows overall bc there’s a ton of coding) and does what he thinks is right, most of the time. Sure, sometimes he does bad things, but he’s also a teenager at the end of the day and he’s highly competitive.

Finally, Justin Russo is super progressive - in fact, he’s probably the most progressive characters of the show. He acknowledges climate change and actively tries to create a solution for it. In fact, for his science fair project he makes a water powered engine, which would reduce carbon emissions. He also wears a shirt at one point that says “Make art not war.” I will admit that his biases against the werewolf he dated were problematic, but he clearly grew from that because he never held any of that against Mason. He’s also into science and is a nerd and although this is a stereotype, most young people who are into science and are nerds are progressive. I’m pretty sure he also is well aware of current events and would probably read the newspaper. Also I myself headcanon Justin as trans and bi (again could make another post about characters in wowp that are queer)

Little note even tho probably no one will see this - this is all just for fun. If you disagree with anything I said, just say it politely hahsh. Also please don’t make fun of me for this WOWP is a huge hyperfixation and comfort thing for me rn and I just wanted to make a silly little post where I analyze one of my comfort characters. Also I kin Justin so pls don’t like hate on him in the comments.

[softholand]

pot valiant - t.h

pairing: bartender!tom x reader

summary: pot-valiant, definition; bold or courageous under the influence of alcoholic drink

warnings: drinking, swearing, smut, dom!tom

words: 4.3k

a/n: i did it!!! bartender!tom was always present in my mind and after that picture (thanks paddy!!) i couldn’t help myself ;))) i hope you guys like this and please let me know what you think <3 enjoy!!

Two weeks, three days, 5 hours, and 22 seconds. That was the time your best friend Briana gave you to mourn your last failed relationship. Once that time had passed, she broke into your house, made you take a much necessary shower, forcing you to shave and wash your hair, while she took care of the mess that was your house. Plastic food containers and cans of beer and Coca-Cola littered both the kitchen and the living room floor, making the house smell like a garbage can.

“Glad to see you’re still alive!” Briana cheered after you got out of the shower, wearing your fluffy robe. “I am but barely. Wow, what did you do to my house?” You asked, being met with a completely different scenario from the one you left.

“I just put out the trash, y/n! Something you should have done before.” Briana scolded you, making you roll your eyes. “Should have waited and put me out too, since I feel like trash!” You groaned, flopping down on your sofa.

“Hey, no, no, no! Get up, y/n! We’re going out!” Your best friend announced, before trying to make you stand. “Noooo, please, Bri! I’ll do anything you want, but that!” You pleaded, but it was of no use. “I don’t wanna hear it, y/n! I didn’t come here to clean your house, I came to take you out of here and that’s what I’m gonna do.” Briana stated, taking your hands.

“Bri, I love you, but please let me stay just a little longer, I’m not ready for the outside world yet.” You groaned, trying your best to convince your best friend. “y/n, I love you too, that’s why I’m here! I can’t stand seeing you like this anymore! Yeah, what Tyler did to you was fucked up, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop living your life because of it.” Briana exclaimed.

“I know, Bri! I know! It’s just… hard for me to wrap my head around the fact he ditched me after all this time and that I’m single now.” You sighed, starting to feel emotional. At that, Briana pulled you closer and wrapped her arms around you, engulfing you in one of her best hugs. “I’m sorry, y/n! I didn’t mean to make you cry again.” Bri apologized, making you chuckle through your tears. “It’s okay, Bri! It’s not your fault, really. I’m just… a mess!” You laughed, drying your face with the robe sleeves.

“One drink. We get one drink and if you still don’t wanna stay after that, we leave. I promise!” Your friend offered, with hopeful eyes. “Fine! One drink!” You sighed, to which she squealed. “Yes! Thank you, y/n! You’re not gonna regret it! I’ve found this new club, it opened just a couple of weeks ago. You’re gonna love it!” She grinned. “Now, go put on your best outfit, we’re going out!” Briana squealed, making you laugh at her excitement.

About an hour later and after a whole lot of makeup and trying on clothes, Briana finally decided you were done with what she called: a Cinderella transformation. Of course, you laughed at her choice of words, and to irritate your friend, even more, you asked if you also should be back at midnight. She gave you the middle finger, before giving up and joining you in laughter.

After a quick cab ride, that could be done by feet, not with the heels you two were wearing though, you and Briana were at the new club she talked about. Once inside, you had to admit your best friend was right. The place looked like a mix of everything you enjoyed, the walls were coated in a beautiful shade of red, while the lounge area was filled with dark green sofas. Different from the other places you had been to, the bar on this one was positioned right in the middle, with bar stools in that same dark green velvet texture, rounding the space. The dim light that filled the space gave a mysterious/sensual vibe, something you were also a fan of.

Briana immediately dragged you to the bar, waiting patiently for one of the many bartenders. While she made her request, you took the time to scan the place, noting some artsy bits that complemented the space. “What can I get you?” A smooth masculine voice took you out of your daze, making you avert your attention to him. Right in front of you, a gorgeous boy with hazel eyes and chocolatey brown curls grinned at you, waiting for your answer. What was even the question?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.” You apologized, making his smile grow even more. “I asked what can I get you tonight, darling?” He asked, making you smile with the nickname. “Oh, uh… a daiquiri, please!” You finally said, not being able to avert his gaze. “Good choice! I’ll be right back, girls!” He smirked, before going to the enormous wall of beverages behind him.

Once he was out of earshot, Briana lightly kicked your bare leg, getting your attention. “Isn’t he hot?” She mouthed, making you roll your eyes. “Really, Bri? Already?” Shaking your head, you went back to looking at your surroundings. “Oh, c’mon y/n! A woman has to eat!” Briana joked, making you both burst out laughing.

Seconds later, hot guy was back, this time with two cocktail shakers in his hands. Like every bartender in the world, he made his presentation while pouring the ingredients into the containers, making sure to really flex his arms while shaking it. Not that you noticed.

With two glasses in front of you, he poured the drinks in, doing the finishing touches before serving them to you. “Two pretty drinks for two pretty ladies, enjoy!” He smirked, before going back to his business. “Oh God, he only gets better!” Briana jokingly fanned herself, making you laugh. “He’s just doing his job, Bri! How many times do you think he used that one?” You asked your friend, who rolled her eyes at you. “You’re no fun!” She groaned, putting her tongue out.

Briana was only halfway through her Cosmopolitan when one of her favorite songs started to play. She made everything in her power to make you go with her but you denied her offer, stating you were fine watching her from the bar. With her drink in her hands, she made her way into the dance floor, purposely shaking her booty at you, which made you laugh and almost choke on your barely touched drink.

“Not into dancing?” The same voice from minutes ago asked, startling you. “Oh, no! Not today, at least!” You shrugged, offering him a smile. “So, what brought you and your friend here? I’m Tom, by the way!” He asked, cleaning the surface in front of him, making the watch he wore catch the fluorescent lights of the club. “y/n! And to be honest, she dragged me here.” You told him, giving into their usual small talks. “Wanna talk about it? I’m a pretty damn good listener!” He offered you with a smile.

You took a deep breath, asking yourself if it was really a good idea to share a part of your life with a stranger, and since you weren’t going to step foot on the dance floor, you thought this was the next most reasonable thing to do. Right? “Well, I was into a two-year relationship that ended a couple of weeks ago, and apparently staying inside your house, eating takeout food, and crying over stupid romantic movies is not a very healthy thing to do, so today she went to my house and here I am.” You smiled, taking a sip of your drink.

Once you looked at Tom, he gave you a pitiful look, to which you shrugged. “That’s not even the worst part though.” You said, the alcohol in your system already making the choices for you. “Instead of calling me or sending me a text asking to talk, you know, like a normal person, he invited me to his parents’ tenth-anniversary party and broke up with me in front of his whole family, claiming I wasn’t what he wanted in a relationship anymore.” With a raise of your glass, you finished your sad story, downing the rest of your daiquiri.

“Damn, what a dick!” Tom breathed after a couple of seconds, making you chuckle. “Oh, well! Cheers to single life, I guess…” You said, raising your now empty glass. “Need a refill?” He asked, pointing to the glass on your hands. “Please!” You huffed, before thanking him. “What will it be now?” Tom smirked, seeing your thinky face. “I don’t know, something strong.” He nodded, giving you two thumbs-ups, before going back to the wall to collect the ingredients.

Once the song ended, Briana came back to you and you two chatted until Tom came back with your drink, waiting for your approval. “It’s good! I like it! Thanks, Tom!” You smiled, locking eyes with him. “Do you want a refill too, darling?” He asked Briana, to which she said a beer would be fine. Once he was off, you felt your best friend's eyes burning a hole in your skull. “What?” You asked, impatiently. “We’re already on a name basis then?” Briana smirked, making you roll your eyes at her. “Yeah, I mean, he introduced himself, what did you want me to do?” You snapped and that was enough to her smirk double in size. “Okay, girl! You sure you don’t want to go home then?” She asked you for what felt like the fifth time. “Yes, Bri! I’m good! I promise!” You assured your best friend before she once again was off to the dance floor.

You quietly took sips of your new strawberry drink, watching from afar as your friend seemed to get her eyes on a specific guy for the night. She gave you a wink, making you roll your eyes at her antics. “She seems to be enjoying herself.” You heard Tom’s voice, turning the barstool to find him looking at you. “Yeah, she always does!” You agreed, taking another sip of your drink. “So, you’re from here?” He asked, sounding interested. “Yeah, I’m a local! You?” You said, raising your brows. “Same!” He smiled, going right to the next question.

The conversation kept going for most of the night, Tom attended some clients, while you took sips of your drinks, and once he was free, he was right back at you with another round of questions. Seeing as Briana wasn’t by your side anymore, you welcomed his company, glad at least this way you wouldn’t be left alone. “Museologist? I’ve never heard that before!” He grinned, making you chuckle. “Yeah, it’s not very common. Basically what I do is investigate and preserve material cultural stuff, like paintings, sculptures or constructions and immaterial, such as traditions and folklore.” You answered and Tom couldn’t help but find adorable the way your eyes lit up while you talked.

Briana came back after a couple more songs, sitting by your side and asking Tom another beer. “So, found your prey?” You joked, making her laugh. “Actually, I did! See that blonde? With the samurai bun?” She pointed and you nodded once your eyes landed on him. “Nice, Bri!” You complemented, giving her a playful high five. “Right? And he’s so sweet and smart and funny! He even asked me if I wanted to go to his house.” She blurted, seemingly disappointed. “And?” You asked, not getting why she reacted that way. “Oh, no! I’m not leaving you. I dragged you here so I’m taking you home.” Briana exclaimed, to which you rolled your eyes. “Bri, I’m totally able to call a cab and go home by myself. I’m fine, I promise! You can go with Mr. Samurai bun if you want.” You assured her, seeing her eyes widen. “No, y/n/n! I promised you!” She protested, making you groan. “I’m fine, Bri! Go with him!” Once again, you insisted. “Are you sure?” She asked and you had to laugh at her. “I’m not a child, Bri! Now go, he’s not going to wait all night!” You teased, getting a hug and a kiss on the cheek from your friend before she was off.

“Lost your friend?” Tom asked once he was back from his bartender duties. “Yeah, it's just me now and I think I’ll actually call it a night and go home.” You told him, making him frown. “Hey, not to sound creepy or anything but are you going by yourself? Because that’s not very safe and my shift ends in like ten minutes. If you want, I can accompany you.” With hopeful eyes, the boy in front of you smiled, making your heart flutter just a tiny bit. You thought about leaving a stranger accompanied you home, you really did, but something in your gut told you it was fine, Tom was a good guy and would never do anything to harm you. So, you went with it. “Yeah, that would be great, actually.” You smiled and ten minutes later, you were both leaving the club, at 3:30 in the morning.

Tom offered to call a cab but seeing as your house was only a few minutes away, you asked if it was okay for him that you guys walked. He agreed and with the moon illuminating your steps, the pair of you made your way into the almost silent streets. You guys kept talking and occasionally your hands would brush on one another, which caused little butterflies to erupt in your stomach. Once in front of your apartment building, you stopped, having no idea what to do next, since you were in a relationship for the last two years.

“It was nice meeting and talking to you, Tom!” You said, opting for the easiest way out. “Yeah, the feeling is mutual, y/n!” He answered, stuffing both of his hands in his pockets. “Thank you for… listening.” You mumbled, making him chuckle. “Of course! Whenever you need!” He smiled, not moving a muscle. “I’ll see you around, then. Bye!” With a little wave of your hand, you made your way to the door, while Tom watched you from his place. “Sure! Bye, y/n!” He exclaimed, making you smile, finally entering the building.

That’s how you found yourself going back to that same club every Friday, getting a couple of drinks while talking to Tom, then being escorted home by him. You had been doing this for almost a month now and Briana was starting to get suspicious. It was Friday again and she had just called you while you finished getting ready. “So, any plans for tonight?” She asked, already predicting your answer. “Not really, just gonna get some drinks and head home.” You said while clasping your black sandals. “Tom’s gonna bring you home again?” You sighed, already knowing where this conversation was heading. “I don’t know, Bri! If he wants to.” You looked in the mirror for the last time, before taking your bag and heading out. Once Briana finally hung up, you threw your phone into your purse, getting into the cab.

The routine was the same, you got in, spotted Tom, sat in one of the many barstools, and waited for him to approach you. “What can I get this beautiful lady today?” He joked, a smile wide on his face. Today he was wearing a simple black shirt, tight around his muscles, the watch still sat proudly on his wrist, and his curls were a little bit messier than most days. “You know you don’t have to waste your pickup lines with me, Tom.” You smiled, watching his reaction. “Okay then, what can I get this grumpy old lady today?” He smirked, making you chuckle. “A Sex On The Beach, please?!” You grinned and after a quick wink, he was off.

The rest of the night passed like magic, you didn’t even see the time pass and once you took a look at your phone, you saw that it was almost time for Tom’s shift to end, which meant it was time to head home. The chilly London air hit as soon as you stepped out of the club, making you shiver, seeing as you were only in a dress. Like the gentleman he was, Tom took off his jacket and placed it on your shoulders, and although you protested, saying he was going to catch a cold, he assured you he was fine with his shirt.

You didn’t know what you were thinking when the words “Do you wanna come inside?” came out of your mouth but now was definitely too late to take them back. “Oh, yeah! Sure!” Tom agreed, making you smile. The short lift ride was awkward and once you walked into your apartment, the feeling only grew. Tom stayed pretty close to the door, with both of his hands in his pockets, while you put your purse away and turned on the lights. “Welcome and sorry for the mess.” You said, going back to the living room. Tom just smiled, before saying, “You call this messy? You should see my house!” You both laughed and the tension was back in the air. “Do you want anything? Water, wine, beer?” You offered, taking off your shoes and his jacket, putting the both away. “Water would be good.” He said and you quickly made your way to the kitchen, shaking your head to try and get rid of some very intrusive thoughts.

“Thanks!” He smiled, taking the glass from your hands, while your eyes kept focused on his arm and the prominent veins and the way his shirt was almost being ripped by his bicep. “y/n? You here?” Tom’s voice brought you back, making your face grow hot with the knowledge you got caught. “Yes, sorry!” You apologized, watching as his smirk grew in size. He placed the cup on the small table by your door, before taking a couple of steps closer. Slowly, as if testing the waters, he put his hands on your hips, leaning the smallest bit in, not taking that stupid smirk off of his face.

His smell was intoxicating, the mixture of alcohol and mint was definitely making your mind clouded. “Tom…” You whispered once he was only centimeters away from you. “What is it, y/n?” He asked, looking between your eyes and your lips. “Kiss me!” You almost pleaded, his smirk the last thing you saw before his lips were crashing into yours. The feeling was new, you hadn’t kissed anyone since your ex-boyfriend and you couldn’t help but compare them. Tom’s was so much better though, his lips could be thin but they held so much power on them, his mouth worked like magic against yours, and before you knew he was pulling away, completely breathless. The pause didn’t last long though, he looked so good with his lips plumped, the tiniest of the smirks still proudly on them, you just couldn’t help yourself and launched yourself at him.

You backed him against the wall, moaning when you felt his tongue entering your mouth. Tom placed both of his hands on your ass, squeezing it before asking, “Bedroom?” Without breaking the kiss, you pointed in the direction of your room and before you knew it, he was carrying you in his arms. You squealed, wrapping your legs around his torso, before going back to his lips. He placed you on the bed, making a trail of kisses from your neck, all the way to your stomach. Once he positioned himself between your tights, he looked at you with his bright brown eyes, asking if he could take your dress off. You nodded and after a little bit of a struggle, he took the thin material out of your body, leaving you in just a pair of white underwear. “You’re so beautiful!” He whispered, going back to your lips and attacking them with kisses. “Tom, please…” You moaned, growing even more eager to feel him. “What do you want, darling?” He smirked, loving seeing you like that. “You, I want you!” With a shake on your voice, you pleaded and he finally took the clue and went to work.

After another confirmation from you, he discarded your panties, tracing his fingers through your now soaked folds. “You look amazing, y/n!” Tom breathed before going straight to your core. You let out a moan as soon as his lips touched you, making your whole body shake with pleasure. “And tastes amazing too!” He purred, focusing on his task. Your moans only grew louder when he pushed two of his slender fingers on your heat. “Fuck, Tom! Feels so good!” You blurted, not being able to control yourself. “That’s it, baby! I can feel your walls clenching around my fingers. Tell me how much do you wanna cum.” Tom whispered, making you clench even more, only by his words. “Wanna cum, Tom! Please…” You were never this talkative in bed and not once has a guy been this dominant with you but you couldn’t say you weren’t enjoying it. “Cum for me, baby! Wanna hear you scream my name!” He mumbled and finally lost control. Your whole body shook with pleasure and you had to contain yourself from closing your thighs around Tom’s head.

Once you came back from your high, you opened your eyes to find Tom already looking at you, with some of your wetness still glistening on his chin. “You alright?” He asked, concern coating his words. “Yeah!” You smiled, before going back to his lips. With a quick move, you straddled him, helping him take off his shirt, letting his chest perfectly exposed for you. You lowered yourself, leaving a trail of kisses on his jaw, neck, collarbones, chest, each one of his abs, and finally, his perfectly sculpted v line. “Are you sure? You don’t have to, I’ll be perfectly fine by just giving...” You interrupted his mumbling by attaching your lips to his, hoping it would be his answer.

With the rest of his clothes discarded, you couldn’t help but admire his body. He was perfect. Sculpted by the gods, even. After wetting your hands, you took his cock, pumping a few times before attaching your lips to it. You twirled your tongue, tasting his precum, feeling him grow harder and harder on your hands. “Holy shit, you feel so good, y/n!” His words of encouragement were enough for you to start moving your head up and down, taking his member into your mouth inch by inch, until he was bucking his hips. “Fuck! You’re bloody amazing, darling!” He praised, while making direct eye contact with you, “But if you want more, you better stop before I coat your throat with my cum.” You had to admit, his dirty talk was doing something to you.

Releasing his cock with a loud pop, you climbed on top of him, kissing his lips. “Do you have a condom?” He asked between kisses. “Bedside table, first draw.” You answered and after a loud smack on your ass, you got off of him, both of you wearing playful smiles on your faces. Tom opened the foil package and rolled the material into his member, positioning himself at your entrance. “You sure you wanna do this?” He asked, making sure you wanted this as much as he did. “Yes, Tom! I want you to fuck me!” You said, kissing his lips.

With both of his hands on your hips and a huge smirk on his face, he pushed himself into you, making you moan. It took you a few seconds to get used to him and once you nodded, Tom started to move, bringing another level of pleasure to your body. “Fuck! You’re so tight around me, y/n!” He whispered, biting your earlobe. “Tom, fuck me harder!” You pleaded, wanting nothing more than to be railed by him. That seemed to take Tom by surprise but he was quick to obey your wish, thrusting harder and harder into your soaking wet core. “You look so beautiful like that, all sweaty, begging me for more!” He kept praising you, feeling how much you liked when he did.

With both of his arms by your head, he caged you, tattooing your face with kisses. “Feel so good, Tom! Please, make me cum!” You mumbled, by now barely able to form sentences. Tom was quick to obey and once his fingers found your clit, rubbing small circles in it, you were gone. Toes curling, you arched your back, getting a handful of the mattress in one hand while the other scratched Tom’s back. “Fuck, y/n!” With a final thrust of his hips, Tom reached his high, moaning your name like it was the most beautiful prayer.

He collapsed on top of you, leaving a long kiss on your lips, before getting up and tossing the condom on the trash. You went to the bathroom to clean yourself up, seeing as you were too tired to take a shower, and asked him if he wanted that too. He agreed and once you were decent enough, you put on clean panties and his discarded shirt, asking him to join you on the bed. Of course, he accepted, he wasn’t planning to go anywhere either so, after putting his boxers back on, he climbed on the bed with you.

You quickly doze off but right before you did, you admitted to yourself that, like most of the time, Briana was right, and going to that new club wasn’t a bad idea after all.

tagging: @stuckonspidey @bi-writes @duskholland @screamholland @missnxthingg @tomhollandthing @wazzupmrstark @peeterparkr @veryholland @spideyspeaches-deactivated20221 @lauras-collection @tommybaholland @rebekkah4766 @hopelessromm @pensivepeter @geminiparkers @mrs-hollandstan @hollandcreep @uglypastels

[dreamifics]

Love and Monsters

Steve Harrington x Reader!Henderson

Oneshot

Y/N Henderson's life was not like any other normal teenager's life, on a very young age her only friends was her brother, Dustin and his friends.. She was not popular in highschool, but she was not a nobody neither.. Y/N was just invisible, lost in the sea of students.. She was almost through highschool though, one day her life was turned upside down, literally and figuratively.. It's been months since the 'thing' happend, but she was still shaken up.

Y/N was laying in bed, My Generation blasting from her stereo.. She was home alone, her mother was out with some friends, her brother was hanging out with 'King Steve'.. Ever since Steve helped them about Dart, she grew closer to Steve but their short lived friendship ended when Dustin left for camp and Steve worked on their family business while she was stuck preparing herself for college.. Y/N misses Steve, his unfunny jokes and oh god--his laugh..

A loud knock startled her, she shot up from her bed, memories of what happend was flashing back to her.. Despite what she tells her friend, she was not okay.. She almost died twice and that opened up trauma's and issues within herself..

Another loud knock startled her, Y/N shakes her head and just ran to the door.. Reaching their front door, her icy hands made contact with the cold steel knob..

It revealed a disheveled Dustin and Steve, she could tell that there were excitement dripping all over them.. Steve was still wearing his sailor work uniform, he looked cute to Y/N but she once threw that thought in the back of her mind..

"What's up?" She questioned the two.

Dustin just smiled and pushed pass her, while Steve was reluctant to go in.. Steve avoided Y/N for almost the whole summer because of the daunting realization that he was catching feelings for her and that scared him.. Y/N was the kind of girl that likes to watch nerdy movies, spend hours playing games with a bunch of kids and save the world two times.. However, Steve was scared, he was still stuck in the unjustified rules of highschool and popularity. . He still wanted to be 'King Steve', but he also wanted to be Y/N's..

"Nice outfit, sailor boy.." Y/N winked and laughs at Steve, he just shakes his head and went inside their house..

Steve made his way to Dustin's room with Y/N right behind him, but before reaching Dustin's room, he passed Y/N's room.. He unconsciously stopped as he looks around, observing every corner of her room.

There were posters plastered all over her walls, books were all around her room in her bed, shelves and even floors.. In the other side she had a small collection of music that made Steve smile.. Because they had the exact same taste, she is the perfect girl.

"If you want to go in, you're free to wander around my room, anytime.."

Steve turned around to face Y/N, he misses her.. How Y/N sarcastic remarks leave her sweet lips or how she rolls her eyes whenever she see something stupid.

"I might just take you up on that.."

"Hm-mm.. You didn't even talk to me when Dustin left, you broke my heart, Steviee.." She jokes, but it sounded a little bitter.

Y/N did get hurt, Steve stopped talking to her when Dustin left, it seems like Steve didn't really like her as much as she thinks he did. Y/N was bored and got stuck just studying and sometimes hanging out with the party.. It was fun but she was looking forward to hanging out with Steve.

"I'm sorry about that, I didn't want to see my old friends hanging out with someone like yo---" Steve stopped his sentence, he didn't mean that.. His mind was a mess, he said those things because he didn't want Y/N finding out his stupid feelings

"Right..Yeah, I get it.."

"Y/N that's not what I me--"

"Cause King Steve shouldn't be hanging out with people like me?Gotcha.."

Steve didn't even had the time to reply, he was met with Y/N's slamming door.. He didn't mean that.. Steve loved hanging out with Y/N, he want to give her something special.. Steve wanted something more from Y/N.. He knew exactly what and he didn't need a reason why but Steve wanted to give Y/N something more..

Y/N was hurt, she didn't know why but Steve words brought devastation to her.. She felt disappointed and upset, Y/N was expecting something special.. She didn't know what or why but she was expecting something more from Steve.

Y/N was dropping off Dustin to the mall where Steve was working, her lips were in a unsual frown.. Y/N wasn't usally like this, she was having a bad week, Steve just hurt her feelings and she was taking it much harder, it was very unsual.. The two Henderson was making their way to the Scoops Ahoy shop, Dustin was rambling about a message he picked up while contacting his girlfriend.

"Are you listening?" Her brother asked as they reach the store.

"Yepp, you should go in now.."

"Y/N, this could be a good thing!"

"I know..If you need my help, you can find me in the food court.."

"Y/N.."

"Yeah, Dus?"

"Are you okay?"

Y/N's mind went blank, she hated lying to her brother but she didn't want to worry anyone.  She laughs and messed Dustin's hair.

"Of course.. Now go, you know where to find me.." With that she left..

Y/N was not okay, the last time she slept was a month ago.. Nightmares kept crawling back to her, she was growing more paranoid by the day.. She was not okay, but she couldn't tell anyone that.. Everyone else is okay, even Wil who had it more rough than her. And to top that up, she was broken hearted by Steve's rejection of their friendship.. Y/N just massaged the bridge of her nose, when will she be fine?

Dustin and Steve was in the corner of the mall with binoculars in their eyes, Steve saw Y/N.. Sitting alone in the corner, a walkman in her ears and a book in hand.. Y/N was mouthing the word as her eyes read every word on that book and Steve couldn't help but feel all giddy and guilty inside.

"You see anything?" Dustin snapped Steve back to their current task.

"Uh, I guess I don't totally know what I'm looking for.'' Steve answered honestly, Y/N distracted him again.

"Evil Russians."

"Yeah, exactly. I don't know what an evil Russian looks like."

"All blond, not smiling."

"Mm-hmm?" Steve's eyes didn't looked for any Russians, his eyes drifted to Y/N spot but she was gone.. Where did she go? He couldn't help but worry, was she talking to someone else?

"Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing." Dustin added.

"Right, okay, duffel bags." Steve darts his eyes away from Y/N seat but it only fell on a girl he asked out earlier.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Steve mutters.

"What?" Dustin questioned.

"Anna Jacobi's talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky."

"If you're not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars."

Dustin got annoyed by his distracted partner, he should have brought his sister along.. But he knew that Y/N was not okay, she seemed distant and lost in her own mind.. Always spacing out and Dustin can hear her cries from his room, it killed him to see her loving and hyper sister transform into a walking corpse.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to standards?"

"I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench." Steve rambled on, annoying Dustin.

"Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?"

The two fought for the binoculars, but they just looked stupid.. Dustin initially gave up and gave the binoculars to Steve.

"I don't get why you're looking at girls. You have the perfect one in front of you."

"Seriously, if you say Robin again..." Steve closes his eyes waiting for Robin's name to come up but it never did.

"No, Y/N.. My sister.."

Steve's heart clenched at the mention of her name, he wants Y/N too.. What can he do? Y/N hates his ass now, he was a jerk and he didn't deserve Y/N.

"No, man, she's not my type." Steve answered while he diverts his eyes away from Dustin.

"I saw you staring at her closed door for about 5 minutes."

Steve eyes grew wide at the realization that Dustin was watching the whole time.. Dustin just shakes his head, if he was asked he'd say that her sister felt the same way..

"She's not even... in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?"

"What's your type again? Not awesome?"

"Thank you."

"Hm."

"For you information, your sister is too sarcastic, she's too nerdy for me.."

"Also, she's too...boyish.."

Beautiful, that's what he wanted to say..

"Dude, that's my sister you're talking about, and besides she's not like that.. She's nerdy but so what? Y/N's also not boyish, she's just secured with her masculinity.."

Dustin's word echoed throughout Steve's system, he already knew that.. But somehow hearing it from another person's perspective made him like you more.

"Y/N's just not my type.." He lied..

Y/N was everything he ever wanted in a girl.

"Thanks for the clarification, Harrington." A voice surprised the two.

Y/N was standing behind them, her arms crossed..  Steve's eyes widen in surprise, did she hear everything? He didn't mean that, what did he mean?

"I didn't mean t--"

"Dustin, if you told me you'll stalk people in malls, I should've brought you to a psychiatrist.." Y/N ignored Steve and just focused on her brother.. Y/N would be lying if she haven't felt more hurt by the words Steve dropped.. She had been listening since the talk about girls came up, Y/N spotted the two doing eccentric things and she decided to eavesdrop.

"No, it's called spying.." Dustin rolled his eyes at her sister remarks while Steve was still frozen..

"What's the difference?" Y/N asked, her eyes still focused on he brother..

"It's just different, okay? Were looking for the--" Dustin stopped and looks around to see if anybody was near..

"Russians?" Y/N continued in a loud tone.

"Shh!" Both Steve and her brother shushed her. Y/N was surpised, she glares at the two and moved closer to them.

"Fine, can I tag along? I'm bored and it'll be nice to be a national hero."

The two looked at each other, Steve was nervous.. Y/N obviously didn't want him around, but this could be a chance for him to apologize to Y/N.

"Sure, you can help us look for russians with dufflebags and camo." Dustin pulled her sister to his side.

"That's kinda racis--"

"No, it's not!" Dustin cuts her sister off making Y/N laugh..

"Whatever you say Dus.."

And that's how she ended up inside a theater with two kids and two drugged teenagere.. Y/N's breathing was heavy, they were captured by Russians just moments ago.. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, she thought this town was finally normal again, but turns out she was wrong.. Very very wrong..

They needed to get out of this hellish mall, Y/N need to find out if there's still russians lurking out, looking for them.

"The two of you need to stay here and take care of them." Y/N instructs to her brother, she pointed at a floopy Steve and Robin.

"Wait--Where are you going?!" Dustin stopped her by pulling her arm.

"I'm going to see if those fuckers are still looking for us.."

"No, we'll come with you.."

"Dustin, you need to stay here and keep a low profile.."

"Y/N don't be a hero.."

"Hey, Dipshit!I'm not trying to be a hero, what I'm doing is protecting you guys because our two friends are drugged and beaten while we brought a little kid into our mess!And I will do everything to keep you all safe, even if that means I get hurt or killed!"

Dustin knew that there's no talking Y/N out of this, her sister was right.. Taking a deep breath, he just nods and hugs her sister..

"Just please, stay safe.." Dustin was in the verge of tears but Y/N held him tight in her arms.. Dustin pulled back, Y/N gave her brother a comforting smile, she rubbed his cheeks and pat his head.

"I'll be okay, I'm a Henderson for god's sake.."

Dustin laughs as tears stroll in his face, she kissed his forehead and walked away, trying not to attract attention.. Taking a deep breath she left the theater, she'll do whatever it takes to keep her brother and her friends.. Y/N's mind flew to Steve, she was pissed off but she was not sure anymore.. The way he saved them and got beat up for them, she couldn't find a reason to be mad at him, all she can think about is his childlish look and how hot he is in his sailor uniform. Y/N just shakes those thoughts away and tried to focus on her task..

Russians..

Steve and Robin were throwing up in a seperate cubicles, they were getting the drugs out of their system.. Retching and puking can be heard all through out the theater bathroom, Steve groans and flushes the toilet.

"The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?" Robin's voice can be heard from the other cubicle.

"Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?" Steve rested his back to the mini wall inside the cubicle..

"Maybe. Ask me something.."

"Interrogate me." Robin said in a mocking russian accent.

"Okay. Interrogate you. Sure. Um... When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?"

"Today."

"What?"

"When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw."

"Oh... All right, my turn."

"Okay. Hit me."

"Have you... ever been in love?"

"Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year." Steve imitates a gunshot.

"Are you still in love with Nancy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I found someone else, she's a little bit better for me.It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, 'You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.' "

"Wait, who's Suzie?"

"It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real."

" But that's not- that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this girl, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody that I... didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why."

"Maybe 'cause Tommy H. would've made fun of me or... I wouldn't be... prom king. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this girl the whole time."

"First of all, she hates me now because of a stupid thing I said but when we hanged out, we were bonding and shit.. She was perfect for me, she's nerdy, hangs out with kids too much.. She likes the same things I like, her brother is my bestfriend.. Sometimes I wonder if she's real, because she's too perfect."

"Wait--You like Y/N?"

"Yeah, ever since last year.. I like her so damn much, I can't even believe that I said to her that I shouldn't be hanging out with someone like her."

"YOU SAID THAT?" Robin's voice boomed out all over the bathroom, Steve just sighs and slids out of the cubicle..

"Unfortunately, yes.."

Steve slid in to Robins cubicle, she was glaring at him.

"If you ask me, Y/N doesn't deserve someone like me.. She--She's too nice to be caught up in my miserable life.. And besides she would never like me.."

"I think you're still high.."

"No, I'm not.."

"Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?"

"Yeah?"

"It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because... she wouldn't stop staring at you.."

"Mrs. Click?" Robin chuckles and just shakes her head.

"Y/N Henderson, I wanted her to look at me. But... she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And- And you didn't even like her then and... I would go home... and just scream into my pillow."

"But Y/N's a girl.."

"Steve.."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, now listen..Don't give me the 'she doesn't deserve me' and 'she doesn't like me back' crap.. Y/N was inlove with you since highschool, now you will tell her all about your mushy mushy feelings and you'll two will get married, have kids and you'll have me to thank for. "

"But what about you?"

"Please, I moved on.."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah, with my pretty face?I could find someone in a jiffy!"

The two were laughing when Dustin and Ericka burst into the bathroom.. Annoyance and frustration written all over their face..

"Okay.What the hell?!" Dustin asked very annoyed.

"Dude, we're normal again.."

"That's not the problem now, we need to find Y/N and go with the rest of the party."

"Y/N's not with you?"

"Do you see her?" Erica asked with the normal sass in her voice. Robin rolls her eyes at Erica who just glares at her.

"Where did she go?" Steve ignored Erica's sarcastic question

"She said she'll check the perimeter, but she hasn't come back since." Dustin answered, she was worried for her sister.. In their situation, who wouldn't?

"Shit." Steve and Robin both utter at the same time.

Y/N was changed into a much more inauspicious clothes, it was just some pants and a shirt tucked into it.. She fixed her disheveled hair and wiped her sweat.. She needed to blend in, her eyes wander around the mall.. There were Russians walking around, bviously looking for someone and that someone was them.. All the exits are heavily guarded by guards, there's no way out..

Taking a deep breath she walked back to the theater, praying that her brother and friends was safely still there but before she could even reached the theater, a russian man spotted her..

"I got eyes on one of the target!" The russian said into his earpiece, making Y/N run to the higher level of the mall, her heart racing and she was starting to feel tired.

Y/N just ran until she lost the russian, her breathing was getting shorter by the second..  Y/N's leg was starting to hurt but she ignored it and looked down to see if she can spot her brother..

And there they are, getting chased by guards.. Worries pumped into her brain as they run.. She needed to help them, if not they could get killed.

"Hey stupid spies!I'm right up here, morons!" Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs as she waves her hands around..

Steve and Dustin was horrified as they hide into the counters, Y/N was risking her life for theirs..

The guards that was chasing them made eye contact and targeted Y/N but before they could do anything a car honk.. The russians looked at each other, confused and dazed.. Eleven can be seen controlling the car, she throws it at the bad men and all they could hear were groans..

Y/N felt a surge of relief, she made her way to her brother.. Dustin, Robin, Erica and Steve pop out from behind the counter, steam hissing.. Y/N saw her brother and they all rushed up to hug her..

A tight hug welcomed Y/N, but this hug wasn't just from Dustin.. It was also from Robin, Erica and Steve.. Suddenly they all look up to see the rest of the party.. The hug was cut off by Dustin running to hug Mike and Eleven.

"Lucas?" Erica saw her brother and it made Lucas confuse..

"What are you doing here?"

Y/N who was just taking in deep breaths smiled to herself.. They were safe, but she knew this was not over.. Steve stayed in Y/N side, Robin's word replayed in his mind.. This is his chance to say his undying love to Y/N.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" Y/N saw Steve besides her, she was growing tired but Y/N needed to keep thriving for everyone.. Y/N saw that Steve was hesitant, he was nervous and it made her felt nervous too.

"I--I uhh.." Steve mumbles, his tongue was backing out.. Y/N had such a powerful effect on him, to the way she says his name, and everytime Y/N calls him, his heart skips a beat.. It sounds corny, but it was true..

"What?Do you need a speak and spell?" Y/N joked, it didn't help a struggling Steve.. He started to grew more anxious, he needed to get this off his chest.. This could be the last time they all see each other alive, there's no telling what could happen to them.

Y/N was just staring at him

"I have something to confess---"

Steve was cut off by El who was in pain and grunting in the floor..  They all ran to her aid and helped her with the pain she was going through.. Steve slightly curses at himself, maybe this was not a great time for a love confession.. He needed to focus on surviving this hellish adventure.. Again 

It finally ended.. Y/N was relieved, it was over.. They were safe, Y/N and Dustin were sitting in the back of an ambulance, a blanket around them as they hug each other..

"If this shit happens again, we're moving.." Y/N jokes.. Dustin chuckled, maybe they should.. However, the adventures were growing more fun and dangerous..

"Nah, we love being heroes.."

Y/N laughs as she held her brother tighter, she fixed his hair and wipe some dirt off his face.. Even if he's old now, he'll always be Y/N's baby brother.. She smiled at the memory of Suzie and Dustin singing in the middle of mayhem and chaos.

"Stooop, I'm all grown up now!" He stood up and made his way to his friends..

"Don't get too far, lover boy!" Y/N shouted causing Dustin's cheek to blush..

Y/N sighs at the sight of her brother walking away from her, this is the last time she'll save the world, she was tired of monsters.. Y/N was just enjoying the cold air of the night when someone cleared their throat.

"Hello to you Harrington.." Y/N smiled at Steve, he was just standing infront of her.. Y/N can't help but feel giddy when Steve's in his sailor outfit.. It saddens her that Steve was still stuck in his highschool mindset..

"I have something to tell you.." Steve mumbles incoherently, but Y/N understood it.. Steve was always nervous when Y/N's around, he remember the first time he saw Y/N..

Steve saw Dustin on the street asking for help, and he didn't believe at him first but he was soon convinced by how Dustin was nervous and scared.. They pulled up at the Henderson's residence, that's where he first saw--no that's not the right word..

That's where he first acknowledged Y/N..

She was sitting on the porch steps on her pajama's, there were dirt on her face and her hairs a mess.. Y/N's face lighten up when he saw Dustin getting out of the car..

"Hey Dus------What is he doing here?" Y/N's face dropped when he saw Steve also getting out of the car.

"He's our back up.." Her brother answered short and continue walking into the entrance of the basement.

"I'm back up..'' Steve said cocky at Y/N, she just scoffs and followed Dustin..

"For a guy with a black eye, you're awfully confident.."

"That's what seeing a pretty girl like you does to me.." Steve didn't know what he ate that time but he had this whole new confidence when he started talking to Y/N.. However, Y/N didn't seem impressed to his corny jokes and pick up lines, she was always scoffing and rolling her eyes..

"Yeah, you said that too when we were inside..That" Y/N's voice pulled him back to the present.. Y/N gestured at the burning mall infront of them.

"Yeah.." Steve cleared his throat, he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out he's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now, the clocks run out, times up, over, blaow   .

"Are you gonna say something?" Y/N was starting to get nervous, did she do something to make Steve act strange? He was shaking, the sweat on his forehead is flowing like the Niagara Falls.. That's not attractive yet for some reason she found it hot..

"Oh--Yeah--Uhh.." He failed to say words again, why can't he just go straight to the point?

Robin who was with the rest of the party was staring at a stuttering and nervous Steve.. The rest started to notice even Jonathan and Nancy who was in each others arms..

"When is he gonna tell my sister that he likes her?" Dustin ponder as he stares at the two..

"I don't know, he's taking forever just uttering one sentence.." Lucas pitched in making the others laugh..

"I thought Steve was a suave and cool guy?" Mike jokes causing some of them to laugh, some was just quiet.. They were still having a hard time grasping all of this, especially Max..

"He's a nerd just like you guys.." Nancy answered, they all shake their heads as they watch Steve nervously fidgets..

"Alright, I finally had enough.." Robin whispers, the party turned to Robin, carefulky watching to what she had under her sleeves..

"HEY Y/N!" Robin shouts..

Y/N broke her gaze with Steve and brought it to a shouting Robin, not far from them.. Steve just froze to his place, panic started blaring out through his mind..

"WHAT STEVE'S TRYING TO SAY IS HE FREAKING LIKES YOU!" Robin shouted, and it all made them freeze.. Y/N blinked rapidly, did she hear that right? Steve l-likes her? What? When? How? Where?

Steve felt embarrased, he wanted the crawl in a hole and die.. Robin was dead to him, how could she do that? Now Y/N's gonna start to avoid him, she obviously doesn't like her back.

"I-Is that true?" Y/N finally asked the question she was dying to ask, she never really thought about Steve that way.. Fine, she's not gonna lie, there were some thoughts about Steve that kept her up at night..

"I can explain--If you don't feel the same it's totally fi----" Steve panicked and randomly said any excuses he can think off, not giving Y/N a chance to speak..

Y/N rolled her eyes at how Steve was rambling on, she smiled and stands up.. Pulling Steve sailor outfit, she kissed him..

Steve pressed his lips harder on Y/N, he wanted this kiss to happen since he first saw her.. And now it's happening, Y/N puts her arm around Steve's neck.. This was her first kiss and she was glad that it was to Steve.. They both kissed as the burning Star Court crumbles infront of them.  Y/N didn't knew that you can find love and monsters in this terrifying situation..

Dustin groaned at the sight of her sister and bestfriend kissing, he wanted to vomit and scoop his eyes out.. This was not a sight for sore eyes..

"Ugh!I don't want to watch my sister exchange salivas with Harrington!" Dustin sigh under his breath

"Get used to it, you'll be seeing a lot of him.." Robin teased making Dustin die inside.

"Dammit!"

Y/N was just thinking that some people lost someone special, Eleven lost Hopper.. Max lost Billy and the rest will wake up in the morning with terrible memories haunting them everyday, they can no longer feel the assurance that they're safe in the quiet town they grew up to. They knew everything that lies withing the depths of this ground, all the horrible things that Hawkin Labs brought.. Chief Hopper and Billy Hargrove died for them, they were heroes.. And the sad part is, no one will ever know.. Those who deserves to be recognized is no longer here, the heroine act they did save the world yet the world doesn't even know about them.. But Y/N and the rest knows that the sacrifices they made won't go to waste, they'll do everything in their power to keep whatever haunts this eerie town at bay.

I found this highly nice but cringey at the same time so bear with it, I also wanted to update my series about James Potter but I just can't seem to end it ughhhhh..Anyways, I hope you guys like this one..

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