#my face and voice dont pass
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nova-the-star-witch · 2 years ago
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girl........
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pandadrake · 7 months ago
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Someone commented that they thought my drawing of Harvey Dent was Bruce Wayne, so I tried drawing Bruce Wayne and he turned out so weird and creepy-looking that I'm uploading this instead.
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cybertron-smash-or-pass · 9 months ago
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TF One D-16
#poll#maccadam#transformers#smash or pass#request#d-16#tf one#look. listen to me. i want the movie to be good. i want it to be good so badly.#but i simply do not trust it. its giving marvel movie and that has me Incredibly Fuckin Worried#because i do not want this franchise to turn into generic safe crowd pleaser action comedy allergic to genuine emotion generator no. 6483754#i do not want cliche heavy low effort lowest common denominator movie afraid to do anything even slightly weird beyond surface level#like. look. as much as i dunk on bayverse. as much as i voice my distaste for the designs and everything micheal bay has ever done#i respect the hell out of them for letting those robots be fucked up aliens#with weird nasty unfamiliar biology#and for having intense and serious and deathly somber moments#even if they butcher the characterization of some of the bots#cough cough give me your face ill kill them all optimus#im also not crazy about it looking like optimus and megatron come from the same place in the bottom of society#its so much more compelling for megs to come from the very bottom and be hyperaware of how bad everything is#whole orion has more of an everyman position. a cushy library job. not afforded luxuries but not rotting at the bottom#because then they learn from each other. orion piecing together hiw bad things get while megs picks up how in the dark the mid caste is#also genuinely truly if i have to hear bumblebee say 'well that just happened' im walking through the space bridge into a vacuum#welp. that turned into an essay. dont mind me being a hater 💖
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ratmans-notebooks · 11 months ago
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i have to stop looking at blogs with vile takes im getting so worked up for nothing
#squeaking#'actually its okay for trans men to be excluded from trans spaces because women dont have to like men!!" Huh .#your gender essentialism is not better just cause u specified “trans” before talking about Men and Women#“trans women dont like men and also femicide is a word so therefore trans men should not be allowed around transfems ever”#is not the radically progressive take u think it is#truly incomprehensible to me the kind of shit people will come up with.#What are you talking about. do you live on Every trans person perfectly passes with no obstacles or pushback by cis people Planet ??#1. actually all trans people deserve to share space in the trans coimmunity. so jot that down.#2. there are transmasc girls + transfem boys + bigender people + NONBINARY people HELLO like how are we defining Men?#how are you deciding which trans people are Too Masculine and which of us are Just Masculine Enough answer quickly#3. do you REALLY think transmascs are just excluded from any experiences with misogyny. think real carefully now.#is the expectation from my parents to get pregnant suddenly Not Misogyny since i identify as ftm?#do the constant reminders that i would never be good at physical activities due to Being a Girl when i was 10 not count anymore-#-because at 15 i realized i wanted to have a cock?#be fucking serious.#there is this constant idea that trans men automatically gain all access to cis maleness#and face NO oppression for their proximity to/or percieved womanhood#(like. ur really gonna look a 5'2 teenager with birthing hips and b cups and a round face and a high voice he has Male Privelege.)#and it leads to us being pushed out of both womens AND trans spaces#it is a lose lose for us. everywhere#it is starting to get fucking exhausting#transandrophobia#negative
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teplejtrouba · 2 months ago
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every so often i now notice my first beard hairs coming in. it's incredibly euphoric but also scary as i Do Not trust myself with sharp objects and am a coward and im already dreading having to shave. but i am also a snob and an aesthete and don't want a few stupid stray hairs on my neck. i also miss my smooth luscious baby face because of sensory reasons.
#i absolutely despise the feel of stubble so im glad that's not happening yet#i know im probably gonna have a decent beard in a few years. the beard genes are solid in this family#(we will not talk about the male pattern baldness genes)#and i am so incredibly excited#but also terrified and just. weirded out.#there's stuff growing out of my face!!!!#it's like eyebrows... but everywhere.............#it's going to be so hard to get used to that#everyone always commented on how smooth my face skin is. and it made me dysphoric. but like it was very smooth and nice to touch#now with all the oil and acne and hairs it's not so nice anymore#being both trans and an autist incompatible with change is so strange and difficult#i love my new voice!!!!! im excited to talk now instead of dreading it. i pass. it sounds funny. i love it. but also.... i am Not used to i#im not used to the name i have now. im not used to the body hair even though i absolutely adore it. it's so difficult#why make me both trans and incredibly not chill about anything ever#there are two things i actively dislike about testosterone: the libido. ew. girl could you just not. and being bigger#in the sense that like my arms and shoulders got bigger. my main concern#do you know what it's like to have a special interest in clothing and curating your collection of wonderful thrifted textile weirdness#over YEARS. and suddenly like half the tops i have dont fit me anymore. my grandmothers blouses dont fit me anymore. it's heartbreaking#any my psychiatrist thinks i should be working out but 1. im lazy 2. i don't want to get buff and be even bigger
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tkbrokkoli · 8 months ago
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i think a thing im v passionate abt is music. or rather, listening to music. i listen to it when i work, when i drive, when i clean, when i walk. i spend several hours every day listening to music. once during a trip i didn't have the time to listen to music for several days and when i finally turned on some music it felt like the world was suddenly filled w more color and life. i once was so overwhelmed w awe and beauty listening to a song for the first time that it caused me to have a panic attack. in, like, a good way, like, wow, look at that song, it touched me so deeply that i lost control of my body for a moment. i sometimes get teary eyes or goosebumps when listening to music. i listen to the same song for hours on repeat. i don't know anything abt making music btw. i took guitar lessons for some time but im not talented or good at it and it took too much effort to continue. i love the sounds a guitar makes though. i also don't remember any music theory. i have a friend who's naturally talented at playing the guitar but they didn't enjoy it but even after years of not having picked up a guitar they can still play songs at birthday parties. i think it's funny that they are naturally good at it but they hate doing it and i love it but im not good at it at all.
#not fandom related#music#the song that caused me to have a panic attack is 'you don't know' by pieridian pool btw#anyway idk why i just made that post i was just cleaning up after dinner and listening to music and thought abt#how much i love music but how little im involved w it#maybe one day ill pick up the guitar again. its too much effort rn and i dont have the energy or time to commit myself to it#i think if i didn't have a phone or access to the internet i would just teach myself how to play the guitar#and my only hobbies would be playing the guitar and listening to music#on a different note im officially 5 months on T and ive passed to strangers 2 times so far 🥳#yesterday we got locker keys for a practical and were assigned either a key to the men's or women's locker room#and the person assigning the keys gave me one for the men's room. just basedon my looks#i don't remember if i said anything or if i just stepped up to them. i made a recording of my morning voice a few days ago#and it sounds like that typical trans guy voice early in transitioning.l#im still surprised that i pass bc i dress the same as i have been for many years. im letting my hair grow out. i got some beard hairs on my#face but they're rly sparse and i trim them every day and you can rly only see them in bright light or when standing close#so it's like. i must have changed in some way due to T that im not aware of and it's nice to pass. like a weight off my chest. or rather#im experiencing life the way it's supposed to be c:
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perilegs · 9 months ago
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i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans
#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was#a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha''#yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans#i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that#but it's still a bit. hmmm.#also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute#i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way#but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my#wavy hair and slight babyface and round features#which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man#as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this#though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c#well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow#also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which#once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans#the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy#oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute#face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man#and i love that#but also one of these ppl is not cis#if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people#but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans#but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im#living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow#but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl.#anyways i dont want to ruin our broship#i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared#agh idk#leevi talks
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zenyuumi · 2 years ago
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bsdyaoi · 8 months ago
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What's your T dose? Some guys just don't get beards on T some guys don't get beards on T alone it sucks but there's options out there for hair transplants to help with your beard growth you could mention the lack of facial hair to your doctor and they might be able to help give you something to grow more hair
Im on .4mL weekly, the facial hair is not like a Huge deal to me tbh I just often feel like changes in general for me are happening so slowly compared to other guys >n< but my brother started the same time as me and his changes are even slower than mine so maybe being a slow bloomer runs in the family idk
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chleem · 2 months ago
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Mistletoe
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One shot: bf drew starkey x gf yn
Summary: In which your secret relationship with drew gets exposed due to a quick kiss beneath the mistletoe.
Genre: fluff (making out wdrew)
⋆.˚ please dont copy or translate my work!
♡⸝⸝ happy xmas! | halloween | mr & mrs starkey
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
You thought no one would say yes to a Home Alone marathon, but here you were—with seven friends huddled on your couch the week before Christmas.
You were prepared for rejection from them; watching the entire trilogy alone - well, not alone. With Drew, of course. 
Your boyfriend, of three months. Secret boyfriend. 
No one knew about you and Drew. And you both planned to keep it that way. The moment anyone found out, the teasing would be relentless. The questions would come. And honestly? You weren’t ready for that invasion of privacy.
It was easier this way. Just the two of you. Even if Drew was laughing along with everyone else, sitting across the room, his gaze on you would linger longer in a way only the two of you understood. 
What did Taylor Swift once say? Romance is not dead, if you keep it just yours. 
Maybe, the best thing she’s ever written. 
You stand up from your seat, carrying your empty cup. You needed a refill of hot chocolate, the only thing (other than Drew) that’s keeping your sanity alive in this cold weather. 
When you walk past where Drew’s sitting, the heavy weight of his stares makes your heartbeat uncontrollably speed up. 
Entering your kitchen, you immediately reheat the milk using the coffee machine, then pouring a bag of the instant chocolate powder into your cup. 
It feels like hours has passed waiting for the coffee machine to stop. 
Luckily, you weren’t alone while waiting. 
Before you can even react, arms snake around your waist, caging you between his body and the kitchen counter. His chest presses lightly against your back, and the warmth of his body sends a shiver down your spine.
Your heart already knows who it is: Drew. 
“Hey you,” he murmurs, voice low and teasing. 
He kisses your temple, and you sneak a look past his shoulder. The kitchen had a wall separating itself from the living room; but you could never be sure. 
“No one saw me,” he says, reading your thoughts. You look into his mischievous blue eyes with your skeptical ones, trying to suppress your smile. 
“Well, you can’t just sneak up on me like that,” you say, leaning into his touch. Without thinking, you let your nose drift near his neck; because why not? 
And as expected, he smells nice. 
“Mhm,” he’s never going to stop sneaking up on you. Drew’s eyes avert themselves down to your lips, before licking his own. “When are they going to leave?” 
“You know what a movie marathon means, right?”
Your words causes Drew to frustratedly groan, and throw his head back dramatically. You laugh at his reaction, finding it cute. “And we’re only on the second one…” 
“Patience, baby, okay?” You coo at him, a smile appearing on your face. 
You reach for the hot milk, pouring it carefully into your cup. As you finish, Drew’s hand moves up, effortlessly reaching the cupboard above you. Without a word, he pulls down the jar of marshmallows and hands it to you, his fingers brushing against yours. 
“We should just send them all home,” he whispers in your ear, seductively and annoyingly so, knowing that no one’s in here but the both of you. 
You send him a glare, shaking your head at him. “You mean I should send them all home. No.” 
You try to step away, cup of hot chocolate in hand, but before you can make it to the door, Drew pulls you back toward him again. His grip tightens around your waist, his hands feeling like they've found a permanent spot there.
You stumble slightly, not expecting the sudden pull, and end up having your chest tightly pressed against his. The heat from the mug in your hands is nothing compared to the warmth radiating from him.
One hand goes and takes the hot drink away from you, putting it back on the counter. “C’mon, I’m not done with you yet,” he smirks, undeniably teasing you. 
“Seriously?” you mutter, eyes narrowing at him, but the way your lips twitch betrays you. You like how he impatient he is; how he acts as if he can’t spend seconds away from you. 
You watch as Drew straightens up, his eyes gleaming with excitement, hand still firmly around your waist. The other slips into his pocket, and you raise an eyebrow, already bracing yourself for whatever this latest move will be.
“What now—” you start to ask, but your words die in your throat as Drew pulls something small out of his pocket.
The smallest sprig of mistletoe possible.
Your breath catches as you look up at him, eyes wide in disbelief. You expected anything but that.
He holds the mistletoe above the both of you, now expecting you to kiss him.
Then…“With you~ shawty with you,” the familiar tone of Justin Bieber’s Mistletoe leaves Drew’s mouth, but completely out of tune. 
You snort, unable to hold it in, the goofy sound escaping your mouth before you can even stop it. Romantic moment? No, maybe the complete opposite. 
Drew’s grin widens, and before you can even get a word out, he continues to sing the last chorus of the song. 
Your soft giggles encourages him to sing even more dramatically, adding in ad-libs. And when the song comes to an end, he attempts a high-note on the last lines, “kiss me underneath the mistletoe.” 
“You dork,” laughing, you hit his shoulder lightly in attempt to push him away.
“C’mon, kiss me,” he leans down closer to you, “especially after that performance.” 
You look up at him, eyes still gleaming with laughter, but something shifts. The playfulness in his gaze deepens, the smile slipping into something a little softer, a little more serious. He’s still holding the mistletoe above your heads, but it no longer feels like a joke.
And because it was such a good performance, you wrap your arms around his neck, pull him even closer, and kiss him. 
You pour your emotions into it; kissing him soft and slow. Drew immediately melts into it, kissing you back with the same tenderness. 
He drops his hands to wrap around your body, the rough leaves of the mistletoe tickling the skin your top doesn’t cover. You giggle into the kiss, leaving the invitation for Drew to thrust his tongue deeper into you. 
His hand slips lower and cups your ass, giving it a tight squeeze. 
Moaning into his mouth, you know this kiss is escalating. Escalating, rather fast. 
The pulse that speeds up in your lower stomach can support your thoughts. 
You pull away from him, breathless and slightly starstruck. 
Drew is definitely starstruck, lips plumped, cheeks red, and his blue eyes no longer able to hold a single thought behind them. 
He leans down to continue, and when you pull away, a pout is evident on his lips. 
“Earth to Joseph,” you giggle breathlessly, cupping his face. 
He smiles at the mention of his full name, lazy look in his eyes. “They didn’t notice I was gone,” he murmurs, his voice laced with desperation to kiss you again. 
“They will soon,” you gently tell him, before planting a quick kiss to his lips again. 
“Fuck,” he groans, biting down on his lower lip. His gaze drops down between the both of you, and you follow his trail of line. 
Sure enough, the crotch area of his jeans is slowly emerging, a line evident.
“Forgot how easily aroused you are,” you tease, patting his shoulder as you walk past him.
Your gaze flickers to the doorway, and when your mind confirms it, you freeze.
“Shit.”
Your eyes lock with Madelyn’s. She’s standing there, mouth opened in a gasp, eyes wide with shock. She doesn’t even try to hide the fact that she’s caught you in the act. 
Her eyes flicker between you and Drew, who immediately turns his back to face her (obvious reasons why). Her opened mouth turns into a full-wide grin, before raising a finger to point between you and Drew. “Oh! Oh-“
Madelyn’s loud remarks echoes through your apartment, making herself heard to the rest of the group in the living room. You embarrassingly bury your face into your hands, hearing the footsteps of your friend group entering your kitchen. 
Great. So much for keeping this relationship a secret. 
“What happened?” You hear JD ask, worry in his tone. 
“They were making out! And- and Drew’s hard right now!” She practically yells it, leading to a chorus of gasps and laughs. You’re pretty sure Rudy laughs the hardest, his laugh full of amusement and disbelief. 
You groan in embarrassment, your face burning as you sink to the floor, hands instinctively covering your face like a shield. "Fuck," you mutter under your breath.
“You owe me fifty bucks!” You hear Chase happily chirp to someone. 
Everyone takes advantage of you and Drew’s discomfort, just like how you expected them to do once they found out.  
You then feel hands cupping your face, forcing you to look up. 
You meet the familiar blue, Drew now kneeling beside you with an embarrassed smile that matches yours. He rests his forehead against yours, his chest vibrating with laughter, “guess the cat’s out of the bag.”
You giggle at his capability to joke along, hitting his shoulder lightly. “You’re so annoying.”
“Merry Christmas to you too,” Drew says, brushing off your comment with a playful shrug.
You shake your head, but the warmth in your chest is undeniable. With a quick move, you grab the collar of his sweater, pulling him close. You tilt your head just enough to meet his lips in a kiss.
It’s soft. Brief. Sweet. Just enough to drown out the noise, to remind you of the quiet between you two amidst the madness.
When you finally pull away, your breath mingling, you murmur softly, “Merry Christmas,” your voice a gentle whisper that only he can hear.
Drew’s eyes soften as he looks down at you, his smile warm and genuine. “Merry Christmas,” he repeats, as if this moment—this simple kiss—is exactly what he needed too.
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word count: 1.6k
ִ ࣪𖤐 a/n: merry christmas!! hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it! i love writing these little holiday specials, bc it gives me the opportunity to write something fun & weird! last one i wrote was hallow's eve, and i just wanna say thxs for liking it. that is, im currently writing another christmas oneshot, so look forward to it!
other | mr & mrs starkey | hallow's eve
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siriuslylantsov · 14 days ago
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morning glory
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pairing: spencer reid x reader
description: following the events of drunken confessions. the next morning after spencer tells you he loves you, albeit drunk and half asleep, you don't know if he means it.
tags: fluff, gn!reader, hangover but i dont dwell on it, whiny!spencer (lol), so so soft, r is so unsure but she just needs reassurance.
a/n: omg my first pt 2 as per popular demand (3 people asked), happy reading!
wc: 1.6k
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i love you. 
three words that bounce from one end to the other in your head, like a pendulum, reverberating across the hard surface of your skull. it echoes through the small space of your ear canal, taking up entirely too much space. it repeats with the beat of your pulse, heart thudding in a steady rhythm. 
suffice it to say, you barely slept. running the words over and over for some kind of clarity. instead you preoccupied yourself with watching spencer sleep, like you are now.
with the sunrise, came light. light that filtered through the curtains just enough that you could see his face. his lips are slightly parted, soft puffs of air that don’t quite reach you. they’re pulled down minutely, in a little frown, seemingly how his face falls when he's unconscious. it's sweet. his eyebrows twitch, creasing momentarily, you wonder if he’s dreaming, or if it's a nightmare. 
your fingers itch to reach out and touch him, soothe the line. but he's so peaceful, you don't know if you want to wake him up. you never get to see him like this, without the weight of the world on his shoulders, unthinking. so you stall a bit, let the wave of serenity pass before it comes crashing down in the form of a violent hangover. 
you probably stay like that for an hour, an hour spent admiring his features. it's easier than confronting what he said. he’d stayed in the same position all night, curled up on his side, facing you. you’re leaning on your elbow now, looking down at him from above. his face moves, nuzzling into the pillow beneath his head. it causes that same stubborn strand of hair to fall loose. 
you give in and touch him this time, tucking the piece behind his ear. you trace a finger over his brow bone and then down the slope of his perfect nose. this causes him to stir, eyes fluttering open as he takes in his surroundings before they land on you. they instantly soften.
“morning,” you whisper, wary of your volume.
“hey,” he croaks, voice riddled in sleep. all his features pull up, twisted in a grimace as his head throbs. he rolls onto his back, bringing his fingers up to his temple, rubbing the pads of them in between his eyebrows. 
“where's your aspirin?” 
he hums in thought, or in pain, it's uncertain. “the um- drawer,” he points beside him aimlessly, eyes still closed. he's about to move to get it but you stop him, leaning over his body to reach the bedside table next to him. you reach over him, hovering awkwardly over his body. you shiver imperceptibly when his hand settles on your waist for support, an unconscious action, you suppose. when you find it, you give him a pill and he swallows, his hand falls back to his side.
“what time is it?” he grumbles.
“quarter to twelve,” you respond, barring a quick look at the analog clock that sat on his dresser. 
he harrumphs, something of acknowledgement. you didn’t think he’d be this grumpy waking up but you don't mind, it's awfully cute.
“it’s so bright,” he says, squeezing his eyes shut further, if possible. 
“your eyes are closed.”
“my retinas are burning,” he whines, throwing his arm over his eyes to shield him from the sunlight in a thespian flourish. 
“so dramatic,” you huff as you get up to close the curtains, the smile in your voice irrefutably evident. you peek out the window first, your car is still parked outside, you stayed the night!
when you sit back down on the bed, his head seeks you out, laying gently on your lap. you card a hand through his hair, the action seemingly appropriate. he lets out a hum, satisfied.
“do you remember much from last night?” you ask, trying to come off casual, the question is loaded to say the least. plus, you don't know if alcohol affects an eidetic memory the same way. maybe he remembers everything, like always.
“no,” he says with a little shrug. “well, i remember going to the bar and morgan spilling a shot on his shirt but that's it.”
oh. so not that differently.
“well, i'm sure he’ll appreciate you remembering that,” you chuckle, ruffling his hair. with a long sigh, you decide to not bring it up. it’ll come back to him, surely. you’ll wait for him to come to you about it. 
you lift his head off your lap and let him sink back into the pillows. “how about you freshen up and i’ll make you some toast?”
his eyes peek open, barely. “yes please,” he replies meekly, a small smile in tow.
-
you put slices of bread into the toaster on his counter, leaning against it as you wait. what happens if he doesn't remember? will you tell him? how do you even bring that up?
hey spencer! last night you told me you love me. do you?
the loud spring of the toaster startles you back to the moment. behind his bedroom door, you can hear the faint sound of his shower running and you remember you’re still in his clothes. god, you're gonna have to wear yesterday's clothes back home. you mindlessly take the hot toast out and set it on a plate, wincing when you hold them for too long. you put 2 more slices of bread in, for you of course. 
you decide to make some eggs too, pulling the carton out of the fridge and getting a pan from beside his sink. you move with surprising ease through his kitchen, like you’d been there before. you haven't, but again, it's so easy with spencer, it apparently extends to his home too. you hum absentmindedly, cracking an egg into a bowl and beating it with a fork. you don’t know it yet but spencer's watching you, having finished his shower.
-
it all comes back to him slowly, as he puts on a new change of clothes, skin still a little damp.
asking penelope for a drink, drinking it, thinking, thinking about you, you showing up? maybe he was magic. you sitting with him, talking to him, taking him home. he remembers stumbling up the stairs, his arm thrown haphazardly over your shoulders and yours hooked around his waist.
“you're so nice, y’know?” 
“yeah? you won't think so tomorrow morning.”
you tucked him in, stayed when he asked you to. you told him about your breakup and he told you, oh, he told you he loved you.
shit. 
he has to make this right. he's quick to feed his arm into the last sleeve and walk out of his room. however, he stops when he sees you. swaying lightly, humming a tune he recognises from last night, standing there in his clothes. he thinks he might die. clearly, he wasn’t paying much at all when he woke up earlier. damn headache. 
-
“i told you i loved you.”
your head snaps in his direction, unaware of his presence. you jump a little before calming. “yeah... you did,” you confirm, trying to keep your tone light. it wasn't a question but you still answer. he remembers.
“and you told me to tell you again when i wake up,” he recalls.
you chuckle quietly, “i didn't realise you heard that.”
“i did.”
you nod, slowly, expectantly, for him to say something else, anything else. 
“i love you.” there it is.
“you mean that?” your voice comes out way smaller than you intended. he still hasn't moved.
“of course i do,” he says with a sigh, inching his way closer. you look like you're going to spook.
“okay,” you breathe, looking down at your fingers, you begin to ramble. “it's just, last night- you were drunk and sleepy and well, tired and i didnt know if you were being honest or just saying it on whim.” 
he's suddenly in front of you and you can't look at him. he's fine with that, it makes it slightly easier.
“hey, i mean it. i love you. i’m sorry i said it how i did, it wasn't fair. and you don't have to say anything back, i just- want you to know.”
you look up at him now, eyes searching, and when you find sincerity in his eyes, you soften, muttering out a quiet “okay.” your lips twist to the side, trying not to smile, but glee fills out every nook and cranny of your body. he takes this as a good sign and lets out the breath he didn't realise he was holding, smiling back at you.
“so,” you start, seemingly casual. “how do you take your eggs?”
spencer laughs, amused by your change in topic. he nods toward the bowl of already beaten eggs, “scrambled.”
you nod, firmly. you pick up the bowl and move to the stovetop, but not before grabbing his fingers with your free hand and pulling him with you. 
your thumb glides along the curve of his forefinger as you hold it between your bodies, waiting for the pan to heat up. you’re biting your lip so much, you think you might draw blood. you’re unbearably happy. and you think you’re doing a good job of hiding it but you’re not. spencer can see the way you giddily twitch by his side, opting on not saying anything about it as he smiles softly.
“you love me,” you tease, singsong, dragging out the ‘love’. your head leans against his shoulder. 
“mhm,” he confirms. ”you’re never gonna let me live this down, huh?”
“nope,” you chirp, pressing a chaste kiss to his shirt.
reblogs and replies are appreciated | m.list
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reidmania · 5 months ago
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a moment | s. reid
summary: two times there was a ‘moment’ between you and spencer, and one time he did something about it.
warnings; best friends to lovers, fem reader, pinning, this based off a lorelai and luke edit i saw, idk if its edited or makes any sense tbh!! sorry! longing, kinda self doubt idk, happy ending yay!!
an; this is for lia. And was written in like an hour so i really dont want the hate guys. If it sucks i cannot be held responsible.
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You walk into the bullpen, scanning the usual chaos of the bullpen The day’s already running long, and it’s barely even noon.
"Look who finally decided to join us," Spencer says, glancing up from his desk. His eyes are sharp behind his glasses, but there’s a smirk tugging at his lips. He’s half-hidden behind a wall of case files, as always, but somehow manages to throw his snark with precision.
you and spencer had been best friends since you started together, you got along with anyone but gravitated towards Spencer more than anyone else. Him and Penelope were the easiest for you to be around, you loved everyone but you had your favourites.
While Penelope had been bugging you to either kick up the courage to do something about your friendship with Spencer, or move on, you did neither.
"Oh, save it,," you fire back, tossing your bag on your desk. "I’m fashionably late. It’s a thing."
"Yeah, fashionably late in a profession like this. Very chic. Theres other ways to get here you know — from your house-“
“Don’t even” you cut him off.
“Im just saying if you keep missing the same turn off every time maybe it’s a sign you should be going a different way.” He muttered.
“I didn’t miss the turn off.” You argued. You lied.
“You did.”
“No”
He said your name and you huffed.
You roll your eyes, biting back a grin as you sink into your chair. "Can we pretend, just for today, that you’re not right?"
"Well," Spencer says, leaning back in his chair, "I’m only right about ninety-seven percent of the time. So, technically, you’ve got a three percent chance of being right today. Want to take a gamble?"
You throw a crumpled paper at him. "Your math is annoying."
He catches it, eyes twinkling, and throws it back at you. "Annoying?"
“Yes, annoying. It hurts my head”
It’s easy between the two of you—this banter, this back-and-forth. It always has been, ever since the first case you worked together. Over time, it’s become second nature to tease him, push his buttons, and he always gives it right back. The tension slips away with every joke, but today, there’s something different about the way his eyes linger on you a beat too long, like he’s waiting for you to catch on.
You ignore it. You have to.
"So, what do we have?" you ask, holding out your hand for the file in his lap.
He passes it to you, fingers brushing against yours. It’s brief, but the touch sends a spark up your arm. Your eyes meet for a second longer than necessary, and for the first time in a long time, you don’t know what to say.
Spencer clears his throat, looking back down at the file. "This unsub’s a real charmer. I think he's using manipulation tactics to lure his victims. He’s got a pattern, but it’s subtle. Took me a while to piece it together."
"Took you a while? So, like... five minutes?" You grin, but the edge in your voice is gone, replaced by something softer.
He laughs, a sound that always surprises you because it’s rare, but so genuine. "Try thirty. It was a real struggle."
"Wow. I almost feel bad for you."
His smile fades just a little, and when he looks at you again, there’s that shift. Something hovers between you, just under the surface, where the teasing usually stays. His eyes flicker over your face, and suddenly, you wonder if he’s about to say something else, something that would cross the line you’ve never acknowledged before.
Your heart skips, and before you can stop yourself, you lean forward a little. Your breath catches.
"So..." Spencer starts, but before the sentence can land, your phone buzzes on your desk. The sharp sound breaks the moment like a snapped thread. You jerk back, grabbing your phone.
"Hotch needs us in the conference room," you mutter, more to yourself than him, trying to get a grip on the swirling thoughts in your head. "We’ve got a lead."
Spencer blinks, clearly shaken out of whatever that was, and you stand up quickly, focusing hard on the case and not on the fact that you were about two seconds away from… what? Leaning in? Kissing him?
No. That’s not what this is. This is Spencer.
"Race you to the conference room?" he asks suddenly, the playful lilt back in his voice, but there’s still something lingering behind his eyes, a question neither of you seems ready to ask.
"Race? You’re literally taller than me, that’s cheating. I’m wearing heels!!"
"You can run in heels, can’t you?" He shoots you a smirk, the tension easing just enough for you to relax, even if your heart is still racing.
"Could. But i don't want to damage my gorgeous shoes," you huffed, yet already heading for the door.
"Gorgeous shoes?" He repeated, raising his eyebrow.
"Yeah that was actually the name of the shoes when i bought them. They had 'gorgeous shoes' written in big letters across the box." You smiled, tilting your head.
"Really?"
"No."
You make it halfway to the conference room before he catches up, the two of you slipping back into your usual rhythm. But as you walk into the room side by side, the unspoken thing still hangs between you. You don’t talk about it, and maybe you never will, but it’s there.
“Are you still coming over tonight?” He asked, looking down at you, eyes lingering on yours. You nod.
“It’s pizza night. Of course I am.”
And once again, you’re reminded that with Spencer, things have never been as simple as just best friends.
You’re standing in Spencer’s tiny kitchen, flour everywhere. And when you say everywhere, you mean it—on the counters, in your hair, smeared on his cheek where you definitely didn’t mean to slap him with dough earlier.
“This is going really well,” you deadpan, holding up the limp, misshapen pizza dough.
“Um.” He squints as he looks at the mess.
“Well.. you’re the genius who can outsmart anyone but apparently can’t figure out yeast,” you argue, pinning the blame on him. “Is it supposed to look like this?” You muttered, tilting your head.
“I think it’s fighting back. Maybe we’re the victims now.”
You both dissolve into laughter, the kind that makes your stomach hurt. This was supposed to be simple. Homemade pizza sounded like a cute idea, something easy to do on a night off, but it’s turned into chaos. The dough’s not cooperating, the sauce might be too watery, and you’re pretty sure you added way too much garlic. But that’s what makes it fun.
"Okay," Spencer says, hands raised in surrender. "I officially give up. This dough has outsmarted me."
"You’re giving up? Dr Spencer Reid, defeated by pizza dough?" You snatch the rolling pin from him, trying to take over, but the second you press down, the dough tears. "Okay, maybe it’s smarter than both of us."
Spencer steps closer, leaning over your shoulder to inspect the mess you've made. You can feel the warmth of him behind you, and for just a second, everything feels different. The banter pauses. His breath is soft on your neck, his arm brushing against yours as he reaches to touch the dough. Your heart stutters, and you freeze, unsure of what to do next.
But then, with no warning, Spencer flicks flour at you.
"Hey!" you squeal, spinning around to face him, eyes wide. He looks so pleased with himself, a mischievous grin on his face.
"What? You had flour in your hair. I was just trying to help.”
"Sure, you were." You reach for the bag of flour, holding it up threateningly. "I will not hesitate to make this a war, Spencer."
He grins widely, almost daringly.
You grab a handful of flour and toss it at him in retaliation. "You are such a child."
“I’m just helping!” he protests, dodging your attack and grabbing the rolling pin like a shield. His laughter is contagious, and soon you’re both caught up in it, the tension slipping away into something lighter, easier.
You try to swipe more flour at him, but he grabs your wrist, stopping you mid-throw. His fingers wrap around your wrist gently, but the touch sends an unexpected shiver up your arm. You both freeze, the room suddenly too quiet again, his hand lingering on yours for just a second longer than necessary.
His gaze flickers down to where his fingers rest against your skin, and then back up to meet your eyes. There’s a pause, just long enough for the air between you to thicken, something unspoken hanging between you. His thumb brushes your wrist lightly, and you wonder if he feels it too—the tension that’s been simmering all night, just beneath the surface.
You swallow hard, pulling your hand away, but not before you catch the briefest flicker of something in his expression. It’s gone as quickly as it appeared, and just like that, the moment slips away.
His eyes narrow playfully, and for a second, you think he might call your bluff. But instead, he just chuckles and steps back, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright. Let’s not escalate this. We’re adults, after all."
"Adults who can’t make pizza," you mutter, dumping the ruined dough into the trash. "Guess we’ll have to order in. Again."
Spencer wipes his hands on a towel, still smiling. "I’ll let you pick the place this time. As long as it’s not that one with the weird crust you made us try last month."
"Oh come on, that was a bold choice! You just have no sense of adventure."
"I have a very good sense of adventure," he says, leaning casually against the counter, his eyes sparkling in that way that makes you feel like he knows exactly how to get under your skin. "I just like my pizza to taste like pizza."
You roll your eyes, but you’re grinning, too. "Fine. We’ll get the boring pizza this time."
As you both settle into the living room, waiting for the pizza to arrive, you can't help but feel that lingering tension again. The kind that sneaks up on you when things get quiet, when the laughter dies down, and it’s just the two of you sitting side by side, closer than necessary.
You smile, nudging him with your elbow. "Who knew you were such a terrible cook, though?"
"I think we share equal blame here."
"Maybe," you admit, glancing at him. His eyes catch yours, and for just a moment, the playful air between you shifts. It’s small, like the brush of his hand earlier, like the way he’s looking at you now. Your heart skips again, and you wonder—just for a second—if maybe, possibly, you weren’t imagining it. You ignore it, there was too much that could go wrong if you didn’t.
It’s late in the afternoon when you hear the knock at your door. The sun's still out, casting a soft golden light through your living room windows, but it’s the last thing on your mind.
You’re dressed in something more put together than usual because, of course, Penelope had insisted on setting you up on this date tonight. It wasn’t exactly what you wanted, but she’d been so enthusiastic that you’d caved. You’d said yes to humor her, to get her off your back.
She had insisted that you needed something to get your mind off Spencer. You wondered if that was actually possible.
So when the knock comes, your stomach churns, thinking it might be the guy arriving too early. But when you open the door, it's not your date.
It’s Spencer.
He’s standing there, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, hair slightly disheveled, and there’s a look on his face you can’t quite place. It’s tight, maybe a little frustrated, though he's trying hard to keep his expression neutral.
“Spence?” You lean against the doorframe, arching an eyebrow. “Everything okay?”
He doesn’t answer right away, eyes scanning you briefly before he looks down, then back up again. There’s tension in his posture, the kind you recognize when he’s overthinking something. “Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.”
You don’t buy it for a second. “Uh-huh.”
His face tightens even more, though he tries to hide it with a half-hearted shrug. “Did Penelope set you up with some guy?”
“Yeah?” You squinted trying to figure out how he knew that. You hadn’t mentioned it, you didn’t want to talk about what had caused your sudden date or have to lie to him about why Penelope suddenly set you up when you have shown no intention of being interested in dating.
“Penelope told me. Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, running his hand through his hair as if he was stressed. You didn’t understand, not really. You told Spencer everything so you could understand why he would be annoyed that you didn’t tell him this, but it seemed as if he took it personally.
You squint at him, crossing your arms. “What is your issue? You look like you want to strangle someone.”
He lets out a huff, avoiding your eyes again. “It’s nothing.”
You tilt your head, studying him. There’s something under the surface, and you’re not about to let it go. “Well you’re here so, obviously its not nothing … What’s going on?”
He finally looks up at you, his eyes sharp and filled with something you haven’t seen before. It catches you off guard for a moment. “It’s just—there was a moment.”
You blink, thrown by the sudden shift. “A moment?”
His voice drops, a little rougher now, a little more real. “Last week. When we were making pizza, and the week before that— and during- there was a moment.”
Your heart skips. You know exactly what he’s talking about, but you stay silent, letting him continue.
“I thought there was a moment,” he says, his frustration starting to leak through his words now. “I thought maybe something was… happening.”
Your chest tightens, the air in the room shifting as you meet his eyes. “There was.”
The confession comes out of your mouth before you even realize it, and the tension between you two spikes instantly, filling the space with an electric charge. You can feel it, the way everything has changed with those two words.
Spencer just stares at you, his brow furrowing slightly, like he hadn’t expected you to admit it. He takes a step forward, you step back almost unconsciously, and your heart beats faster in your chest.
“What are you doing?” you ask, your voice low, unsure.
He doesn’t stop moving, closing the gap between you even more, and his voice is soft but firm when he speaks. “Will you just stand still for a minute?”
Before you can say anything, before you can even process what’s happening, his hand comes up to cup the side of your face, and his lips are on yours.
The kiss is soft at first, almost tentative, but it’s full of all the unspoken things that have been building between you for so long. You feel the world tilt, your hands instinctively moving to grip the front of his jacket, pulling him closer. For a second, everything else fades away—your date, the case, everything.
When you finally pull back, breathless, you just stare at each other. His thumb brushes lightly across your cheek, and his eyes search yours, full of something that feels too big to name.
Neither of you says anything for a long moment, the silence thick and heavy with everything that’s just shifted between you.
Then, as if in slow motion, you take a small step forward. It’s your turn now, the tables flipped, and you can see the surprise flicker in his eyes as he instinctively steps back.
“What are you doing?” he asks, echoing your earlier words, his voice low and a little breathless
You give him a small smile, feeling the tension twist tighter in your chest. “Will you just stand still for a minute?” You mirrored his words
His eyes widen slightly, but he doesn’t move, and before he can say another word, you close the space between you and kiss him again.
This time, it’s different. There’s no hesitation, no second-guessing. The kiss is deeper, more insistent, and you feel his hands tighten around your waist, pulling you closer. It’s like everything you’ve both been holding back is finally breaking free, all the tension and the unspoken feelings rushing to the surface.
When you finally break apart, you’re both breathing heavily, faces inches from each other. Your hands are still gripping the front of his jacket, his fingers still digging into your sides like he’s afraid to let go.
You don’t move, neither of you do. You just stay there, staring at each other, and for the first time in a long time, you’re not thinking about the job, or the cases, or anything else. It’s just him.
He’s the first to break the silence, his voice quiet and almost disbelieving, He exhales, a long, relieved breath, his hand still resting on your waist. “I thought maybe I was imagining it.”
You shake your head, feeling a strange warmth bloom in your chest. “No. You weren’t imagining it.”
Another beat of silence passes, and then his lips quirk up into that small, crooked smile you’ve always liked so much. “Well, I guess we have Penelope to thank for this.”
You roll your eyes but can’t help smiling back. “Yeah, and she doesn’t even know it.”
His thumb brushes your side, a subtle touch, but enough to send a shiver up your spine. “Are you… still going on that date?”
The question hangs in the air between you, and for a moment, you almost laugh. The idea of leaving now, of going out with some guy Penelope set you up with, feels absurd.
“No,” you say, your voice steady and certain. “I’m not.”
His smile widens, just a little. “Good.”
You grin up at him, feeling lighter than you have in weeks. “Yeah? Why’s that good?”
Spencer’s gaze softens, and for the first time, you see the real reason for his frustration, for all of this. He steps even closer, so close that you can feel his breath on your lips, his voice low and sincere.
“Because, there was a moment.”
Your heart stutters in your chest, and you meet his eyes, that familiar warmth spreading through you again. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he says, his lips ghosting yours, and the last bit of tension that’s been sitting between you melts away completely. He smiles, and before either of you can say anything else, he closes the gap and kisses you again.
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evie-sturns · 8 months ago
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calm - Matt Sturniolo
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summary: after a terrible day of arguing with your boyfriend, accidentally breaking your favorite perfume, and now your hair and outfit not going to plan, all your emotions hit you at once and matt has to calm you down.
contains: fluff, crying, arguing, comforting!matt.
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10:38am
i huff angrily as i tug up my knotty hair into a ponytail, my arms burn while i attempt to tie the elastic around my thick hair. suddenly the elastic snaps, pinging my hand almost in a mocking way.
"oh for fucks sake!" i whine, throwing my fact into my hands as i reach for the hair gel.
i plop more on the top of my head, my hands now sticky and my whole body sweating. i finally get my hair up into a ponytail, but it looks like total shit.
i sigh before stomping out of the bathroom into matt and i's shared room, i swing open the door and ignore matt as i reach for the closet.
matt and i have argued a record amount of times today, it's almost impressive.
flashback:
it was 6 in the morning, and i rolled over onto matt accidentally.
he shoots up in bed as i lay my body weight on his arm, "ow! ow get the fuck off!" he says in a pissy mood, i drift awake slowly as matt shoves me off him.
"matt come on." i groan, grabbing my shoulder from where he just shoved me off of him. "dont say come on like you didn't just break my fucking arm and wake me up at 6am in one sweep."
"i'm not that heavy matt, don't be stupid." i scoff, rolling over in bed to the edge of the mattress, a good meter away from him.
"yes you are, your fully body weight was on my arm." he says with an attitude,
"so you're calling me fat?" i ask angrily,
"dude, just go get out of here." matt demands, pointing towards the door, the nickname stinging a little bit.
"its my room matt, i'll stay right here, not my fault your acting like a child." i raise my voice, slamming my body down onto the mattress and tugging the covers up over me, my back facing matt.
i wasn't expecting matt to leave, but he did. he shot up out of bed and grabbed his pillow, he walked swiftly out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him
and i think that set the mood for the whole day, because now 4 hours have passed and we’ve argued about matt being lazy, me leaving out dishes, him ignoring me, and me apparently being a brat.
-
i sort through our closet, tugging out a small skirt and one of matt's shirt.
"did i say you could borrow that?" matt speaks from the edge of the bed, my head snaps round to look at him.
"stop matt!" i almost yell, which shuts matt up quickly.
i storm back into the bathroom, i hear matt laugh slightly from behind me.
i tear off my pyjamas, and tug up the tiny skirt. as i go to zip up the sides the zipper pops off.
and that will do it.
i erupt into a loud sob, which quickly escalates into floods of tears.
i hear some movement coming from matt and i’s room before the bathroom door swings open, matt takes one look at me and his face drops.
i don’t want to look at him, or for matt to see me like this.
“hey- hey what’s going on sweetheart?” matt says, panic clear in his voice as he reaches for the side of my face.
i shake my head as more and more tears flow down my flushed cheeks.
he wraps his arms around me and i bury my face in the fabric of his shirt.
i let out shaky breaths as i attempt to calm myself down, my body shaking in matt’s arms.
“come- come to the bedroom.” he whispers into my hair before picking me up by my ass.
i nod as i bury my face into his shoulder, matt carries me into our air conditioned bedroom and plops me down on the edge of the bed.
my legs dangle of the edge of the matress, matt sits down right beside me, the matress shifting under his weight.
he wraps his arm around my shoulder and tugs me closer to him as i continue to cry.
“what’s going on baby.” matt says softly, rubbing my back.
i crawl over and sit myself down on matt’s lap, straddling him.
he grabs the sides of my face with two hands, his thumbs wiping my tears delicately.
“you- you’re mad at me.” i squeeze out with a loud voice crack
matt’s eyebrows furrow, but i continue to speak “and- and i don’t look good.. like my hair and outfit.” i sniff
matt plants a kiss to my swollen lips, he grabs my chin, making me look at him.
“i would never be mad at you princess, sometimes people fight and that’s okay, but what happened today wasn’t worth fighting for.” matt says while looking into my eyes
“and you look absolutely gorgeous, honestly.” matt says, his eyes gazing over my face.
“i didn’t mean to wake you up this morning- i promise.” i sob, letting my head fall onto matt’s shoulder.
“you know i’m grumpy in the mornings don’t you, it’s not your fault, and i’m so sorry for making you feel like it was.” matt sighs, rubbing my back soothingly.
i sit on his lap in silence for a couple minutes as i take in sharp breaths.
i feel matts chest rise and fall against mine, i attempt to copy his breathing.
“my skirt broke earlier.” i say lightly, lifting my face away from matt’s shoulder.
“did it?” matt asks, his head tilting down as his long fingers inspect my skirt.
i nod, pointing to the broken zip. “i’ll get you another one tomorrow, how about that?” he speaks with a small smile.
“you don’t have to do that.” i breathe, “i’m gonna do it anyway as an apology for how i acted today.” he protests.
“let’s get you out of that skirt then if it’s broken.” matt suggests, picking me up again and walking me over the the closet.
he pulls out a pair of his sweatpants and brings me back over to the bed, matt places me down on the edge of the bed and bends down.
his hands tug down the hem of my skirt, pulling it down my thighs.
he purses his lips out of concentration before tugging the sweatpants up my legs.
he stands back up “you want your hair out?” he asks,
“it’s gonna be crunchy if i take it out, because of the amount of gel i put in.. but it’s also tugging on my scalp like crazy.”
“i’ll wash your hair later for you.” matt smiles, he’s always loved washing my hair for some reason.
i wipe my face, flustered by his words.
“do you want some water?” he asks, i rub my puffy eyes with a nod.
he walks over to me and grabs my hand, tugging me up off the bed. matt walks me out of our room into the corridor.
i follow closely behind him as we walk down the corridor into the kitchen.
i stand next to the counter top, matt walks over to me and grabs me under my armpits before lifting me up onto the countertop.
he grabs a cup and fills it up with cold water before walking over to me.
he holds it up to my lips, “and… open.” he says, i open my mouth slightly and matt pours some water into my mouth,
he accidentally pours too much, my cheeks hollowing out as i lock eyes with him.
i let out a loud laugh, spraying the water all over his shirt.
i slam a hand over my mouth as the water leaks down my chin.
“oh- my god.” matt erupts into laughter, both of our laughs filling the room.
“i am so sorry-“ i say in between giggles.
“how did that even happen-“ matt rubs his eyes with a wide smile,
“i’m so sorry- i don’t even know-“ i laugh,
but i’m cut off by his soft lips pressed against mine.
“i love you.” he mutters against my lips with a grin,
“i love you more.”
——
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bbyquokka · 13 days ago
Text
drunk
– jeongin is drunk - in more ways than one .ᐟ.ᐟ
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pairing | yang jeonging x fem reader
genre | established relationship , smut – 18+ is strongly advised!
cw | jeongin is drunk , explicit language , face sitting , oral (f rec) , breast play , masturbation (m) , face riding , 'girl' is used , unprotected penetration
words | 2.7k ~ ( 2,776 )
notes | another piece i wrote when i went on a break! i dont write for jeongin enough :( i hope u all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it!
m.list — tag list — you can also read it on my ao3
dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!
soft grunts and groans from beside you fill the space of the car you're currently driving.
the streets are somewhat quiet. the headlights from cars passing by blinding you but the night is calm and quiet which, for a saturday, is unusual.
what's even more unusual is for you to be driving around in your boyfriend's expensive car, with him being drunk and groaning in the passenger seat. his eyes closed as his temple rests against the cold glass of the window, providing some cooling relief to his sweat coated skin.
jeongin, chan, seungmin and hyunjin decided that tonight's the night that they’d go out and have a ‘lads night.’
you don't mind jeongin going out. you trust that he (and his friends) will care and look out for one another. you trust that, when one has one too many, they will stop it from becoming a disaster.
and that is the case for you.
jeongin can handle his drink–to some extent. chan texted you urging you to pick up your not-so sober boyfriend from the club, claiming that jeongin has had one too many shots and alcohol his body can handle.
“feels good.” you stop at a red light to look at your hazy boyfriend. his usual well-kempt hair is disheveled. a beautiful pink haze sits pretty on his glowy, sweat stained skin.
“what feels good, baby?”
“i love you, you know that right?” he mumbles, ignoring your question. you laugh softly and nod.
“i know. i love you too.”
“really?” he lifts his head up from the cold glass, his eyes wide and glistening, like a love sick puppy.
“really. forever and always, remember.” jeongin nods and leans over, hooking his long pinky finger with yours.
“pinky promise.”
“pinky promise.” you repeat with a smile. jeongin sits back in his seat, a grin adorning his facial features and making his eyes crinkle at the corners.
“i’m one lucky man, yn. i’m the luckiest man in this entire world! no.. wait, galaxy!” as the red light switches to green, you start to drive as you listen to your loved one babble on with himself.
after a few minutes of babbling, it falls silent. the only sound is the roar of the car engine and passing vehicles. you think nothing of the silence, until a few small breathy pants ring in your ears.
maybe he is sleeping? is your first thought until you hear a low, guttural grunt. your ears perk up at the sound. you quickly glance to the side. you can only see jeongin slouching in his seat, his head hanging low with his chin tucked into his chest, hair hiding his face.
you focus on the road. the roads may be quiet but that's no excuse to act stupid.
“hurts.” jeongin pants, his voice strained a little. you panic a little.
“what hurts, baby?”
“yn.. it hurts.” he mumbles. he looks up at you to catch your gaze but you keep your eyes on the road. “yn.. help me. please.”
his usual soft voice is now laced with desperation; like he is begging for you.
“tell me what hurts, darling.” is it his stomach? he is drunk after all, so maybe he needs you to pull over.
“help me.” he begs, on the verge of tears. you drive to a nearby car park, shutting off the engine and taking off your belt.
you look at jeongin. the pink haze has now turned red, spreading to his ears. his eyes are hazy and glassy. lips glistening from the saliva.
“baby.. are you ok?” you lean over to him, placing your hand on his thigh gently. he tenses under your touch. 
“hurting.” he repeats. his breathing slowly becoming short and laboured.
“your stomach? if you need to throw up, it's ok to baby.” you squeeze his thigh as reassurance but that causes jeongin to let out a soft grunt and tense more under your hand.
“no.” he huffs, his patience running very thin. “it hurts.” you stare at him, utterly confused. with a huff, jeongin grabs your hand that's on his thigh and places it on his crotch.
“oh. oh!” his cock is straining against the rough material of his black jeans. he bucks his hips in the palm of your hand for some sort of friction but it's not enough to suffice and feed this hunger he has. “why.. how?”
“i..i dont know. i just… looked at you and now i feel so hot and bothered.” his chest rises up and down fast. he squirms in his seat, pulling at the fabric of his shirt as a way of saying ‘get it off me’
“i want to see you.” his eyes scan you, undressing and eating you up. you feel bashful and aware of his prying eyes. he takes his seatbelt off and struggles to unbuckle the belt of his own jeans. “take them off.”
“excuse me?” you stutter. 
“take them off. your pants. off. please. i want to see you, yn.”
“we're in public, jeongin. anyone can see us!” you stumble over your words.
“the windows are tinted.” he states. an argument you lose in an instant. you can't deny, however, that his request has left you feeling a little tingly in the pit of your stomach. “please.”
you nod, giving in to him; as always. you take off your pants, throwing them to the side. jeongin watches you, eyes never leaving you as he licks his lips hungrily.
“c’mer.” rough hands grab your waist and pull you onto his lap. you have no option but to situate your legs on either side of him. his large hands reach behind you to grab the soft flesh of your ass.
“mhm.. missed you.” he murmurs as he massages, squeezes and plays with your ass cheeks. you chew your bottom lip gently, your body twitching every now and then. he buries his head in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. more guttural groans erupt from the back of his throat as he takes in mouthfuls of your scent. “smells good”
“we should go home. you're drunk.” you say in an attempt to stop him. 
“’m fine.” he states. “just want to touch you some more, that's all.” his lips start to pepper kisses along the skin of your neck. they’re soft and gentle at first, but they’re quick to turn into hot, wet open mouth kisses where he leaves behind marks in the form of purple bruises and teeth.
“then can we go home?” you struggle to say due to you slowly losing your composure as jeongin attacks you sweet spots. his large hands playing and fondling with your ass cheeks, occasionally disappearing under the fabric of your t-shirt to stroke your growing hot skin.
“maybe. or maybe i’ll just devour you right here, right now.” he purrs. you shuffle on his lap to get comfy, your core throbbing and stomach tingling. your fingers dig into his shoulder blades as a way to help ground yourself.
“devour me? how?” you play dumb. your body tingles with pleasure. your core is throbbing and you can feel your slick being soaked up by your panties, creating an embarrassing wet spot.
“like this.” his seat falls back, taking you with him. in one swift moment, he manhandles you onto his face so you're straddling him. his large hands on your thighs, gripping them with force.
“baby!” you peer down at your hazy boyfriend, his head between your legs. you feel his breath fanning against your clothed core, the dampness in your panties intensifying with each puff of air.
“what?” he says nonchalantly. 
“you're unbelievable!” you squeak in embarrassment. the lewd position you're in makes you feel bashful; even though it's not your first time like this with him but it is a first in public.
“and you smell good.” he groans. his long finger trails from your thigh, to your inner thigh and to your clothed core. he presses his finger against your core, against the wet patch on the fabric and hums in satisfaction.
“you're wet.” he states, feeling somewhat cocky and proud. “i haven't done anything and you're wet.”
“s-shut up! you don't have to state it. gosh, this is so embarrassing.” you whine.
“not embarrassing. hot. so fucking hot. you have no idea the effect you have on me, yn.” he peers up at you, his foxlike eyes boring into your soul. he turns his head slightly, planting open mouth kisses on your inner thigh, closing in on your core.
he runs his finger in between your folds, adding a bit of pressure when his finger bumps against your now swollen clit. with each bump, your thighs jerk and twitch. jeongin can feel you throb against his finger.
his own cock throbs at the sight, touch and smell of you. it's begging to be free–and it will be in due time.
“wanna taste.” he mumbles as he hooks his finger on one side of your panties and pulls the flimsy fabric to the side. if it wasn't for his patience being paper thin, he would’ve ripped them off you. the very sight and smell of you is driving him insane and it hurts. the cold air mixes and hits your slick folds, making you gasp. “holy fuck.” 
you watch your hazy boyfriend lick his lips as if he is about to devour a meal. he brings your hips forward a little more. you buck at the sudden contact of his warm and wet tongue being pressed against your cunt.
“j-jeongin.” you moan out softly. he grabs the hem of your t-shirt, bringing it up to your lips.
“hold this.” he instructs against your folds. you bite down on your t-shirt, the fabric rises up and exposes your soft stomach and breasts.
his tongue is back on your cunt, lapping your slick and core like a dog lapping up water. he sucks and kisses your clit, rubbing the swollen bud occasionally with the tip of his tongue.
he grips onto your ass, pulling you down on his face more. you worry that you might crush him and try to resist but his strength overpowers you. 
hot open mouth kisses on your cunt. jeongin slurping and panting like a dog in heat. his hips bucking in the air as he eats you, gathering your slick on his tongue. he whimpers and moans at the taste, his rough hands keeping all your weight on his face as you crush his skull.
your legs tense around him several times. his tongue slips between your folds and into your core. jeongin is a mess. a panting, pussy drunk mess as he tongue fucks your core until you’re sobbing. 
once confident that you’re going to keep all your weight on him, he removes his hands from your ass. his large hands slide up the softness of your stomach to under your breasts where he grabs them roughly, one in each hand, to squeeze and toy with them.
your moans are muffled by your t-shirt. a damp patch forming from your saliva as you struggle to keep the fabric between your lips. your hands have found their way to jeongin's hair, pulling and tugging at the strands.
the air in the car is thick. the windows misting over with condensation. you don't want to be loud but you want to be at the same time.
the thrill of knowing that you're in public, having you pussy eaten by your boyfriend who is completely pussy drunk and fucked out because of you makes you tingle.
one of jeongin's hands leaves your breast to reach behind you. you hear him fumbling with his jeans, struggling to unbutton and unzip them. he grunts in frustration before lifting his hips up to pull down his jeans and underwear halfway down his thighs.
he shivers as his hand wraps around the base of his throbbing cock. he squeezes a few times before rubbing his thick, veiny cock. he treats himself by rubbing his pink head with his thumb, smearing the over flowing pre cum around his sensitive head.
he's a mess. you're a mess. his chin and lips are coated in saliva and slick. your body is hot and coated in sweat. the stimulation of everything is too much for you. you feel light and woozy but you don’t want the pleasure to stop. jeongin tries to time the strokes of his hand with the thrusts of his tongue inside you but he fails quickly, becoming uncoordinated and sloppy.
“not gonna last long. ’m sensitive.” he mumbles. you nod, unable to speak as you feel the same. your stomach is tight, a knot forming very quickly. his tongue leaves your hole to lick between your folds, his nose bumping against your clit.
you're just a sobbing mess. tears spilling for the corners of your eyes. your thighs crushing his skull. hands not knowing where to be placed for stability so you settled with one hand on the roof of the car and the other on the window, leaving a handprint behind in the condensation.
your only thought is how much (and how badly) you want to cum.
jeongin is no different. his cock is hot to the touch. tip sensitive and begging to be inside you. his hand isn't enough for him to feel satisfied and he knows it, but he wants to wait until he gets home to have his way with you.
“close.” he groans. as you open your mouth to talk, your t-shirt falls back down.
“m-me too.. oh fuck, me too.” you kick your head back, succumbing to the pleasure. you rock your hips a little on jeongin's face, a smirk on his face as he watches you lose yourself in the pleasure he's providing.
“you're so fucking hot, yn. look at you riding my face like a good girl.” his words are muffled but it's loud enough for you to hear. you can't respond however, just nod and moan at his words..
“feels good. feels so good, baby. wanna cum.”
“want to cum on my face? make a mess outta me?”
“yes. i do. want to make a mess on you.” you beg.
“go ahead. do it. cum for me, yn.” the coil in your stomach tightens and snaps. your thighs shake as your orgasm hits you hard, knocking the air out of your lungs and making you see stars. you cry out his name like a mantra, jeongin lapping at your core to catch your essence that spills from you.
his hand picks up in pace before soon, his own hips buck and cock throbs as he cums onto his own hand and stomach. slow, languid strokes of his cock to help ride out his high as he licks you clean before the high subsides; leaving you both breathless and exhausted.
you lift yourself up and off his face the best your jelly legs can muster. you look down at him, shivering as that look in his eyes from earlier is still there.
“we need to go home. now.” he instructs in urgency.
“are you ok?” 
“no. i’m not. it still hurts, yn.” you look behind you to see his hand still stroking his cock, which has failed to go soft from his orgasm; but now it's angry. sticky sounds emit from his cock as he uses his own mess to stroke himself.
“jeongin…” you start only to be cut off.
“yn. i don't think you understand the urgency of my situation. if you don't drive home right this second, i am going to drag you onto my lap and fuck you until you can't walk in the morning.” 
you swallow at his words. they go straight to your core. 
“that.. doesn't sound like a bad idea..” you mumble, looking at your, now somewhat sober, boyfriend.
“i don't think you un–”
“no, i understand.” you mumble, removing his hand from his cock. you shimmy down to line yourself up, holding the base and rubbing his tip between your soaked folds. “and i don't mind. we've come this far, so why stop now?”
“...fuck.” he holds onto your waist as you slowly lower yourself onto his member. his size stretches you, and because of your earlier orgasm, you're tighter than usual. 
he hisses as he shieths himself in your tight cunt. the warmth and tightness makes him stop breathing for a nanosecond. he watches his length disappear and become encapsulated with delicious warmth.
“just know–hng, fuck!–just know that you can't go back on your words. it's going to be a long night for you, yn.”
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cxffecoupx · 9 months ago
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[11:18 pm]
the whole room is dark, except for the faint glow of your phone. you lay in your bed, scrolling through absolutely random trivia reels. cheol's laying beside you, one arm thrown across your waist as he cuddles into the heat of your body. he should have been sound asleep by now. but he's only halfway through there, being pulled back to wake by your questions.
"cheol?"
he hums back, voice thickly layered with sleep.
"what color do you think i am?"
the room turns silent. you wait for a moment.
"cheo-"
"blue. you seem like blue to me."
"why blue?"
"cause, to me, blue means calm, peace, and secure. like i dont have to worry about anything. like i can let down all my thoughts to rest for a while. and you feel like all those things to me."
you just hum back in response, the next question thats displayed on your screen preventing you from thinking over his words.
a minute passes before you ask again, "cheol?"
"...yes, love?"
"what icecream flavour am i?"
a beat passes before he replies, "you're cookies-n-cream. because you're soft and sweet, with a little crunch at times."
you hum yet again, registering his answer.
"plus, its your favourite," he adds, which brings a soft smile to your face.
you turn your attention back to your phone, searching for the next question.
"cheol...?"
"love.... how about we go to sleep now, and i'll answer all your questions tomorrow?" he asks, looking at you with eyes drooping with sleep.
you just smile and nod, turning off your phone and keeping it aside before you get back into bed. as soon as you lay down, seungcheol's quick to snuggle into your side, his face nuzzled into your neck, his breaths tickling you. you take a look at the sleepy man with you before closing your eyes.
.
.
"cheol!"
"yes, my love?
"...i love you."
he doesnt respond immediately, but you feel him smiling into your skin, his breath hitching for the slightest of moments before returning to normal as he mumbles back.
"i love you too, dear."
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mayanneaa · 2 months ago
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hits different - ᴊᴊ ᴍᴀʏʙᴀɴᴋ.
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PAIRING : jj maybank x ex!reader
SUMMARY : jj broke up with you two months ago, but this one party makes him truly realize what he’s done.
WARNING(S) : swearing, jealous and super drunk jj, a little angst, fluff, minimal use of y/n (like once), might have some grammar errors, english is not my first language
A/N : first fic on here heheh obv inspired by 'hits different' by taylor swift. i recommend listening to it while reading :) dividers by @roseraris !! not proofread dont kill me
WC : 1.7k
masterlist.
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After a fourth beer, the party got too loud and the lights too bright. Normally, in a moment like this, he would run to you, wrap his arms around you, and inhale your sweet, calming scent. Just as he’s about to do it, the realization hits him like one of the waves nearby.
You aren’t together anymore.
He sharply inhales and looks around. His vision is softly spinning, but it’s no problem for him. JJ spots you in a second. With another boy.
You two are just talking. You don’t even know this guy, he came up to you to ask about something so random it got lost in your chat long ago. You give him one of those kind smiles, and JJ feels his fists clench. “Fuck.”
The music changes. As if he wasn’t already miserable, the speakers let out the first notes of your song. The one he first kissed you to. The one you two always played, alone at the chateau dancing on the back porch.
The memories flood his mind, and he can’t take it anymore. Jj feels his heartbeat loud in his ears, and he wants to leave. To go to any of the pogues, or, even better, drive away in the Twinkie. But his eyes cannot move from your face, and his legs just don’t work.
It baffles him. Not once in his life, he couldn’t move on. But this time, with you, it's different. It hits different.
You finally catch him. The guy is still talking to you, but your attention is on the other side of the beach. Before you can interrupt, you see John B. coming up to JJ. He tells him something, grabs his arm, and leads his best friend somewhere. You feel your heart sink. “Are you okay?” you hear the guy ask, making you turn your head.
“I’m so sorry, I have to go,” you quickly say, leaving him alone. You have to find JJ.
“Dude, stop this shit right now,” John B.’s holding the steering wheel, making his way to the Chateau. JJ's taken the passenger seat, shoulders slumped, and he runs his hand through the blonde strands.
"Yeah, easy for you to talk." he snarls, "You and Sarah are all happy together, you don't know how it's like-"
"I don't know because I don't just randomly break up with my girl over a bad day I had." John B. cuts him off and lets out a deep sigh. "JJ, you should talk to her. Everyone's done. You are constantly miserable."
JJ doesn't say anything. The words hit him like a slap, unnecessarily hurtful. Outside the window he sees the familiar place - they are at the Chateau.
"Get some rest, okay?" John B opens the door and helps JJ get in the house. "Call me in case something happens."
The blonde nods his head and plops on the couch, legs stretched out. Minutes pass, and he finds himself whispering your name, over and over again, as if he's scared he'll forget it.
His mind still replays that cold May night.
You two agreed to meet at the dock. The wind softly overflowed your face as you were waiting for him. When he finally came, you felt something was wrong. His usual smile was gone, and he didn't even look at you. You hugged yourself in your hoodie, "JJ? Is everything alright?"
He let out a shaky breath, leaning over the railings. "I think we should break up."
You blinked in surprise, your heart feeling heavy. "What?"
Your voice sounded smaller than you intended. You reached out for his hand, your own shaking.
"It will be better for both of us." JJ dismissively said, swallowing hard. A shiver ran down his body, and his throat tightened, but he brushed it off.
You felt so much hitting you. Tears burned under your eyelids, and anger started to bubble up. Did you do something? Or maybe he just decided you weren't good enough for him anymore?
"No," you whispered at first, but your voice was growing louder, "You don't get to just... just decide on my behalf!"
The moonlight fell on his face, and you tried to find any answers in his eyes. He stiffened, shaking his head before he repeated, "It will be better if we end it now."
You opened your mouth, but not a word came out. The tears threatening to fall finally flooded your face, a quiet scoff escaping your lips. "I can't believe this. This is how much it meant for you?"
You were met with silence. The atmosphere on the dock could be cut with a knife, and you couldn't just stand here. Before you registered it, your legs led you down, far from your boy- well... ex-boyfriend. JJ's eyes followed your every step. He wanted to run after you, to wrap you in his arms and never let you go. But he didn't.
It wasn't just a one-day whim he had. It stuck with him ever since you two decided to make it official. It grew with every late night you spent not on something you like, but on cleaning him up after another fight. You didn’t say anything—but he knew. He knew that sooner or later, it will be too much. He will be too much to handle.
The sweetest girl walking on the earth, a literal angel and him. A failure, a Pogue whose fate it was to end up just like his father—always drunk, always angry.
His heart ached at this thought. You had so many opportunities, and if you decided to let it go because of him, he would never forgive himself.
Breaking up before he got even more attached was for the better. It had to be. Right?
JJ doesn’t know how long he’s been lying like this. His breathing is now steady and slow, and he has to remind himself to breath in again.
He closes his eyes, but can’t escape you. The memories come fast—not giving him much time for defense.
Your face. Always in the sun, glowing as if you were a goddess. The lips glossed from the cherries you’ve been eating. Your eyes, the creases forming in the corners almost constantly from smiling.
Your touch. All these quick brushes, the way you traced your soft fingertips over his forearm every time you sat nearby. The long, tight hugs during which JJ’s hands wrapped your waist, him hungrily inhaling your perfume.
His breath hitches. Is it truly the best this way?
Before he can answer, the quiet crack of a key opens the door. He darts up and immediately regrets it, as the whole room starts spinning.
“JJ?” he hears a soft whisper, and his heart skips a beat.
The warm lights of the Chateau reveal your face. He feels the heat rising to his cheeks, “What are you doing here?”
His voice is quiet, almost as if he’s scared you’ll disappear. You step closer, with a cautiousness that kills something inside him. He avoids your gaze, staring at the suddenly interesting floor.
“You’re not doing great, huh?” you say, but there’s no mockery or anger in your voice. There’s just… worry.
JJ turns around on his heels and sits down on couch, fearing that if he stands for a minute longer, he might just fall. He runs a hand through his hair, a habit that intensified over the two months.
“Stop it, Y/N.” he finally replies looking at you for the first time. The light reflects of his watery eyes, and his voice breaks when he continues, “Go back to the party and your new stupid little boyfriend.”
Your eyes widen. “Are you fussing over me talking to a guy after you broke up with me?”
JJ shakes his head, looking at the floor again, “Doesn’t matter. Not anymore, I guess. You really should go—”
“Why did you end this?”
The question feels like an arrow through his heart. You’re standing with your hands crossed, not planning on going anywhere. “Why, J? We were happy. Did I do something…?”
“It wasn’t you.” In the response, he hears a snort.
Your gaze is heavy, with your eyebrows arched up. “Classic. Then what was it, JJ?” The tone of your voice is pushing, and you don’t even try to control it, “What happened that you decided to just leave me?”
“I was scared!” he snaps before he can think of anything better to say. “How do you imagine it? You… you can’t suffer with me forever. It’ll break you one day and—”
“JJ.”
The way you say his name pulls him out of the spiral. It slips off your tongue smoothly, just like it used to. You grip his arm, and JJ forgets what he was even talking about.
“You don’t get to make this decision without talking to me. Did you ever asked me how I feel about this?”
A blush creeps up on his cheeks, and whether you want it or not, the corners of your lips rise.
He tries to make any sense, the tears dangerously close to falling. “I mean— You deserve someone better. Someone who will keep you safe and… I’m not that person. And I don’t think I’ll ever be.”
You sigh. “Maybe. But I don’t want anyone better, baby. I want you. That’s my decision.”
With these words, with what you called him, his walls crash. You pull him closer, your bodies touching and he can’t take it anymore. JJ lets out a muffled sob into the crook of your neck, gripping you like he’s never letting you go.
Your fingers find their way up to his hair, running through the golden strands as he’s shaking.
“I’m sorry.” he whispers, his voice barely audible. “I’m so sorry. So sorry—”
“Shhh,” You draw small circles on his back, and his breath slows down after some time. “We will talk about it tomorrow, ’kay? You’re super drunk right now.”
“Promise you won’t leave.” JJ sniffles, the tip of his nose pink. You giggle, but he pulls away to look at you, a serious expression on his face. “I’m not joking! Promise me you’ll still be here in the morning. Please.”
You gently squeeze his shaking hand and can’t help but smile. “I promise.”
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