#my exam went… ok

[vse-kar-vem]

quick bojč!!! 💓💓💓

[dragon-spaghetti]

"Maybe if we hope enough, the universe will take pity" is sure a thing I just said in reference to clinging to catholic rituals as a familiar comfort despite not holding the beliefs

[indigogirled]

it’s tuesday

[dreadnotau]

Happy three years everybody! As always, there’s a lot to say on the occasion, so pop in at the end of the post for the tl;dr if you don’t have time for my detailed diatribes, haha

Boy, time flies, huh? Feels like the second anniversary was just yesterday, but maybe that’s just the several long hiatuses getting to me. I’ve been scarce on uploading anything anywhere for a while now, even though I promised I’d actually pick up the slack this time around. What gives? Well…

For one, college hell, and for two, a lot of unfounded anxiety about putting my art out there. Allow me some theatrics for a moment and I’ll actually get back to the comic at hand… I’ve never had an exceptionally supportive environment for making art. It wasn’t suppressive, not in the slightest, but it also wasn’t… encouraging. It was always treated as a hobby or a distraction rather than something I was allowed to be fully proud of, especially because a lot of my art focused on more cartoon-y and fantasy ideas, rather than still life studies and painting (which people generally outside of the art sphere tend to value more, arbitrarily). Couple that with a childhood full of being bullied over minute shit you hadn’t even considered could be an issue before, and you get a teenager hellbent on never sharing his interests or ideas with anyone, mostly due to the fear of rejection.

I’ve grown, thankfully, but that paranoia and fear doesn’t go away overnight. As I’m sure you all know, Meowchela was the one who originally encouraged me to post this comic, and the only reason she succeeded was because she was the first person in a long time who listened and engaged with my interests and my art in a meaningful way. It’s kind of obvious her friendship had a profound impact on me, and I’d cite her as one of the reasons I was even hopeful enough to apply to an art college in the first place! This comic, and that bond with another person, proved that maybe these things I’m so passionate about weren’t duds, and weren’t something I had to keep to myself.

So, fast forward a few years. About three years, in fact.

During one of my classes, right before this hellish two weeks of exams started, one of the class assistants talked me into showing my comic pages to one of my professors. He’s generally a pretty open guy when it comes to new mediums, but I’m always… apprehensive about showing my less “traditional art”-y things to professors, but, he ended up being genuinely proud of it. Specifically, I showed him pages 85-87 (because they’re my favourites) and, he didn’t read the text, just the visuals were enough for him to say “good job, keep it up” (which is HIGH praise from that guy). When I mentioned I’ve been meaning to simplify the visuals because I didn’t have time to work on the comic very often because of college and classes, he dismissed it on principle. I was honestly caught off guard. Heavily paraphrasing, he suggested that worsening the visuals for an arbitrary deadline was counterproductive to making something that’s Good™.

That’s kinda stuck with me. For a good few years now I was more focused on optimisation rather than visual improvement for the comic, and though it HAS contributed to better visuals in some ways (cutting corners sometimes makes for a less pointy and jagged end result), it’s kind of weird I’m treating an art project that way, isn’t it? I set a lot of… arbitrary deadlines and standards for myself, in the form of expectations and what I “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing at certain stages in my life. I’ve thought of Dread Not as a passion project second and a stepping stone first, if I’m being honest. As if it was too… fandom-y and derivative to be treated with more gravity than that, like it’s an immature project because I was still a child when I came up with it. As if it was something I’m making to Build Up to Something Else, something Bigger and Cooler and More Important, and… the more I think about the future of Dread Not, and even my future career options, the more I realised that’s, ironically, a really immature way to think about it.

If there’s one thing going to this art college has taught me, is that there’s no “right” way to make art, and there’s no “right” way to success as an artist. There’s no clear-cut paths, just more commonly treaded roads, but even those are heavily overgrown. Why should I try to box myself into thinking I have to make things from complete scratch to be taken seriously? What’s so bad about Dread Not as a story and as a comic that’s caused me to vaguely keep it under wraps when conversing with people in my day-to-day life? Why wouldn’t I put all these skills I’ve acquired to improve and expand this project that’s Right There, WAITING for me to finally get off my ass and get pages out there again?

I wish I could say I’ve used all this time away in a particularly clever way, but I really haven’t - at least, it feels like I haven’t. My art has undoubtedly improved over time (though admittedly the art for this post was Very rushed, fuckin exams), and while I’ve been working on projects in the background, chipping away at them in a VERY disorganised way, I haven’t been posting that progress anywhere, and I haven’t made any good progress on my biggest project, Dread Not, because of the other ones. And, honestly? Admitting that kinda stings. This comic means a lot to me, and I wish I actually gave it the time and attention it deserves instead of letting it sit out hiatus after hiatus because I keep failing at structuring my time.

So, my new plan is a little more abstract: find a way to work Dread Not into my school schedule, and slowly build a habit of working on it more often. No clue how long that’ll take, but I think it’ll be worth it to consider it as an option, and hopefully finally end these long, drawn out hiatuses with short bursts of uploads in-between. HOPEFULLY. Building habits was never my strong suit, so please bear with me while I figure this out in what will probably be the most hectic upload schedule in this comics history, which is: no schedule at all.

From now on (until the end of Act 1), I’ll upload pages when they’re ready, and depending on how the weeks go and how complex the page is, they could be weeks or days apart from one another. Hell, some might even take a month to finish if school stuff gets REALLY hectic (god knows Hellish Exam Week number 1 and number 2 won’t be giving me much time to work on the comic), but I’m determined to do this. I want to be able to put my all into this project again!!

(And hopefully finish Act 1 by the end of this semester…)

TL;DR: College is giving me life lessons I didn’t expect, and because of them I’ve decided to give myself a non-existent upload schedule for Dread Not: Pages will be posted when they’re ready, and the spacing between pages could wildly vary depending on circumstances and the actual complexity of the page itself.

As always, thank you for being here, thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient!

If all goes well, there will be new content very, very soon.

[kurooscopy]

a little birdie died in my hands this morning :((

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly

[torchickentacos]

crying is like computer updates. it's going to happen but if you put it off it'll force its way through at really stupid/inopportune times

[msbhagirathi]

IPKKND LIVE BLOG SEASON 1 [Epi-4]

Cooooooooommmmmmmeeeeeee onnnnnnnnn. Letzzzzzzzzz beginnnnnnnnnnnn.

Lol. Episode starts with Arnav talking about 'aukaat'.

2. And, now, he's being an a__hole, here. Where Khushi is so hugely horrified over what happened last night. Arnav, ever the a__hole that he is, is smirking and having the audacity to ask, "Kyun? Kya kiya hai maine?" (Why? What did I do?)

3. Like. Really? Arnav? You want her, to spell out, what you did to her last night? Fckin a__hole. And look at that face. Fckin smirking.

4. Their debate about god and his existence is -kind of- interesting & thought-provoking.

5. Khushi is coming from a place of absolute surrender to god and an unbreakable faith and trust on her devi-maiyya. We can see that, in her words.

6. But, Arnav. His words, indicate that he has an absolute distrust on the existence of god. He believes that, had 'any kind of god' been there, then he won't have faced the situations, that he had to. He believes that the amount of pain that he faced, any god, if there, won't have let him face it, all alone. "Iss duniya main agar bhagwaan hota naa, toh dard naam ki cheez nahi hoti."

Now, who is correct, you ask? I will say, both. Yes. Both are correct, in the context, of what they faced in their pasts, what their history, with god, is. It's just that, they don't want to consider any other opinions apart from what they think is 'correct', for them. And, that is the problem. That's what's wrong with these two egotistical idiots.

7. Look at his expression when he says the first line. He is raw. Vulnerable. In the truest sense. Almost in tears. Voice trembling with anguish that he has for 'his god', who did not help him out when he needed him the most. All his guards are down. At this exact moment. We get a glimpse, of what is hidden behind, that, usually unreadable expression.

8. This is a huge thing. That, even if, he is not exactly showing his face. BUT he is, indeed opening up, about his pain, in front of Khushi. He does not have any reason to do so. In fact, he does not have to stand here, waste his precious time, explaining this naive girl, about the evils of this world.

9. Instead, of going on his way, to attend that important meeting, which can't be cancelled. Nevertheless, he does so. Something inside him, is intrigued, by this girl. Something in this girl, sparks an urge, inside him, to explain himself, even if, he doesn't need to.

10. Coming to the second part, of what he said. He thinks that money and only money gives a person, the authority, to have all the powers and make decisions related to his own fate and destiny. "Iss duniya mein jiss insaan ke paas paisa hai, ussi ke paas taakat hai."

11. Notice that, he believes this, SO strongly. Because he has seen this, with his own eyes. When he and his sister were ousted out of their own home, by their 'beloved' chachaji. He has seen that, money, indeed, has the powers and authority; all that he needed to avenge for his betrayal.

12. Look at his expression, when he says the second line. There's this confidence in his face, that he feels, when he knows, what he has observed, is totally correct. Because, he is, indeed, totally correct.

13. Only that, from now on, every time, after this, whenever Khushi would do or say something, that would be against his belief or would be something, that would force him, to re-think his opinion. It would make him, question his judgement, over her character, only then, he would find his confidence, 'of knowing girls like her very well', wavering away.

14. Wow. Enough. Now back to the epi.

15. So. She challenges him with her beliefs and he retaliates, in the worst possible sense.

16. He orders his PR team to release the fashion show footage to all the TV News channels.

17. He has, again, repeated the same thing. He did not think this through. He did not think, to the extent, to which it could destroy Khushi's life. He, also, did not think about his own reputation, here.

18. Living in a society, like that. Where your honor is the family's honor and that it should be kept hidden and protected at all costs. He did not realize that she is a middle class 'girl' in the truest sense possible. He did not realize how much it would affect her and her family's reputation.

19. After all, what was her mistake? She just challenged his belief system. He could have retaliated, in any possible way, but he chose to involve the whole world, including both their families, into this.

20. He, even, could have easily ignored a chit of a girl, who had said something about his belief on god or lack thereof.

21. He should have 'farak nahi padta' to her.

22. But, no. He is the mighty ASR. He, indeed, 'farak padta hai'. And thus, went on, to torture her, in new ways.

23. Fckin A__hole.

24. Back to Gomti Sadan. Khushi offers a cup of chai to her Amma but she refuses.

25. Amma is also upset for being a little too harsh on Khushi, I think? What's with that look that she gave her when Khushi went away?

26. Payal asks about the broken pearls of the blouse and Khushi is, again, reminded of the horrific night. Payal notices her distress and asks the reason and Khushi starts ranting about (her) 'laard governor'. I think, she -kind of- likes talking about her 'woh'. This scene, also, indicates that no one knows about their 'meeting' yet.

27. Arnav asks about Mul Rajani. "Chote log aksar aukaat se bada muh kholte hain." (People with small status often have a 'big' mouth. *pun intended*) This line is for both Mul Rajani and Khushi.

28. His meeting with Khushi, is still very fresh, in his mind.

29. "Roop suhana lagta hai, chaand puraana lagta hai, tere aage o jaanam." Can you see me jiggling my shoulders? I -kind of- got hooked to this song. Wow.

30. Amma catches Khushi dancing and jumping on the -sofa?-that furniture. Whatever. And she cannot stop herself from smiling at her daughter. Finally, Khushi notices her and hits a direct six and the ball is straight out of the stadium. Lol. I mean to say, that she is finally successful in pacifying her Amma.

31. Initially, I thought why did she give an example of cricket, out of the blue. But then, I realized that, it was 2011. That year, we had world cup going on and guess what, India had won it, under MSD's captaincy :)

32. The writers did a great job, here, if you ask me ;)

33. "Arre naach toh hum dikhawat hain." (Let me show you how to dance!)

34. Wow. Babuji joined them. What a classic 'papa' dance. Lol. I don't know but I just felt that somehow I have seen my father dancing like that too. Like. Not exactly like this. But the body language. Pata nahi choro.

35. Buaji, the Hitler of GS (Gomti Sadan. Lol. I kind of love the sound of this name.), comes and scolds them. Why Buaji? Can't they have a sweet family moment? I don't know what's your problem, Buaji. But you need to chill.

36. Lol. "Joru ke saamne bandar ban sakat ho, bitiyan ko naahi sambhaal sakat ho?" (You can be mischievous (like a monkey) in front of your wife but can't handle your own daughter?) By the way that question doesn't even make sense, Buaji. Your existence doesn't make sense, Buaji.

37. What? I did not say that, ok? I have manners.

38. LMAO. Everybody escapes from Buaji's presence. The unity that they have. My god. It's just amazing. Lol.

39. A note here. This hairstyle, for Khushi, here, was the perfect. They kept it, this way, till the office track and somewhere in the midst, they changed it, to a plain braid which was....fine, but, this one suited her more.

40. The head of Panch Bhog Caterers (Shop no. 14 Hazrat Ganj Lucknow) is -kind of- taunting them. The disgusting line of the century- "Ab e toh uhi baat ho gyi, ki thaali mein utha liya par khaya nahi; par jhutha toh hua naa." (Now this is the same thing as being picked up in a plate but left uneaten, nevertheless it would still be considered a left over by others.")

41. Guess what. He is talking about Payal. I mean. Wow. The audacity. The disgusting comment thrown around for a girl's character, so casually, as if her character really depends on whether some money-hungry family 'accept' or 'reject' her for marriage.

42. Khushi wants to speak up, but, Amma stops her.

43. And, if you thought, that was enough, then, it was not. Now, listen to him, talking about Payal, being like his own daughter and taking care of her ('dignity') after butchering her character, a few seconds ago.

44. Amma pulls her hand away. Khushi, taking the cue, speaks up. But, is uncharacteristically calm. But, what she says next, not just wins Babuji's heart but ours' as well. Wow. Writers of this show are so freaking talented, man.

45. WOW. This is amazing. The Mul Rajani sequence is just amazing. See, I searched up a bit about this name, but, turns out, its actually a surname, precisely, a Rajasthani surname.

46. So, Mul Rajani is actually a Marwari business man and has dared to stop a photoshoot for AR Designs. Because of a balance payment. He demands his balance payment for 50 lakh. Only then, he would let the photoshoot, continue.

47. But, that is not enough. While demanding, he addresses Arnav, very disrespectfully. That was fine, too, but when he crossed a line, by mentioning his mumma, Arnav lost it.

48. He slaps him. Oh. Damn. What a slap. WOW.

49. Lol. Mul Rajani says that, this slap will cost him 1 Cr. , an incomplete photoshoot and a bad name (getting blacklisted) in the industry. Arnav slaps him, again. Lmao. And then, tells Akash to give him a 'dhaai crore ka cheque'. "Pachaas hazaar iski payment aur 2 Crore do thappadon ke." (A cheque of Rs. 2.5 Cr.) (50k for the payment and 2 Cr. for two slaps.)

50. The sassy-ness in that smirk, when he sees, MR realizing that he is getting paid in surplus. Take a bow, Mr. Sobti. *bows down with joined hands*

51. You see? This is the problem. Why Arnav thinks money can solve everything. He uses his money to shut people up. And each time it works and his theory of "Paisa hi taakat hai" is proven right, each time he feels a little bit more proud of himself. That, he cracked the code to deal with 'this world' and 'it's ways'.

52. LMAO. Listen y'all, I don't care what you say, but Buaji makes me laugh. Period.

52. Ohh. So. The clip is out, finally. My poor baby. She is, again, getting insulted without any fault of hers. That freaking b_stard. ASR. Or, whatever.

53. He again managed to hurt Khushi, in the most unimaginable way, possible. Wow. Just wait till you fall for her, Bitwa, madly, shall I say so, then you will feel yourself falling into an unending pool of guilt, engulfing you, for the rest of your life. And, you will not be able to stop yourself from feeling guilty, ever again.

P.S. : No P.S. today, coz too tired to think of anything. Ok. Bye. Have a good day/night ahead. God bless you.

Previous Next Episode!

[saintcarrionn]

.

[todayisafridaynight]

thinking of the very likely possibility there are true crime channels in the rgg universe and one (1) person has probably looked into masato's ''''''death'''''. for shits and giggles of course.

[widevibratobitch]

guess who just slept for 18 hours <33

[averlym]

a word to the wise sometimes the only true rest is looking beyond what you thought was success

so true! adamandi is full of wise advice such as this, including: "and you'll never feel better if you - fucking die- you stupid ass!"

[bisan-is-trying]

Every time i see ads for language courses, I'm like, ooooh, should i?? Maybe it would be easier learning the language from someone whose job is to teach it? But then i remember i "studied" hebrew for 4 years in college, and all i graduated with were basic grammar rules and like 30 words.

[mwagneto]

sometimes i'm home alone for months at a time coz my parents leave (like rn) and ofc that's usually when the "ooh neighbour scary you never know what you live next to" stories find me which almost spook me but then i'm like. idk why i'd be scared of my neighbours being insane when i'm literally the insane neighbour

[copia]

GRAPHIC NATURE & CASEY at the heavy music awards 2024 (two of the only photos i've got)

[bangcakes]

.