#my elementary school would take us around the school grounds and teach us about the trees there - we had an apamate and it was my fave

[apamates]

Hey, I hope you don't mind my asking, but does your name have anything to do with apa, the american psychological association and a citation style?

Hiiiii, I don't mind it at all no worries! APA mates would be a cute name tbh but it's actually just referencing the apamate tree! (I think they're also known as pink poui?). My favorite citing format is APA but it still pained me to organize info for papers when I was in school so it has been erased from my mind.

where I'm from there's also a yellow tree called araguaney and I know other countries have the jacaranda. fun fact! they're in the same family of Bignoniaceae c:

[asterias-record-shop]

tempting little devil — (j.m.)

The summer before you get your dream job, you concluded you wanted to learn how to ride a horse. You had trouble finding the right person to teach you – until you accidentally ran into a horse trainer and ranch owner at the store while getting treats for your students before you left your job. It turned out that riding a horse wasn’t the only thing he could teach you.

You had big plans for your last day of school celebration with your students, especially because it would be your last year at the elementary school. Goodie bags had already been stocked to the brim with small toys and candies, and you gave them each a book wrapped in soft blue wrapping paper that made you think of them.

As you looked through the candy aisle, you sighed when you saw the last party pack of candy on the top shelf of the aisle. It was stupid for them to put the candy somewhere completely out of reach of any average sized person, so as you looked down at your heels that barely gave you about two inches, you started to balance yourself on one of the bottom shelves before a hand reached over you.

This wasn’t happening.

As the hand grabbed the bag of mixed candy that would surely give your students the perfect sugar high in your last class with them, you balanced yourself on the ground before turning around, about to snap at the person before the person outstretched the bag of candy toward you.

“Saw you havin’ trouble, doll,” he hummed, tilting his head. “Didn’t want you to fall down with those heels on.”

You paused, staring up at the man that seemed significantly older than you, wellbuilt and with slightly unkempt graying hair and beard, with scars on his right temple and on his neck as well. He was handsome, extremely so, with a dark maroon button down and some jeans with some work boots being covered by the cuffs.

“You alright doll?” He tilted his head, and his words finally snapped you out of the slight trance you were in.

“Sorry!” You quickly apologized, taking the bag of mixed candy. “Sorry, I just…” you laughed, shaking your head. How were you supposed to explain that you thought he was so attractive that you couldn’t stop looking at him? “I thought you were going to take it…”

He laughed loudly, shaking his head as he rose a brow. “You thought I was gonna take your candy bag? Trust me, doll, I don’t want the candy,” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking over your cart. “Wow… throwin’ a party?”

You laughed sheepishly, nodding as you put down the bag of candy in your cart. “Yeah, I am… tomorrow is the last day of school and I have a big party planned for my students because I’m not going to continue teaching.”

The man hummed softly. “Oh? Why not?”

You shrugged. “Needed a change of scenery… and I got an offer to work at my dream job, so it really does work out… besides, I have the rest summer off now, so I can do something I’ve really been wanting to do!”

You weren’t sure what exactly came over you to tell him so much, but he didn’t seem bothered by it as he smiled slightly, nodding. “And what’s that doll?”

You giggled sheepishly — it wasn’t some big thing that would change the world or something. “I want to learn how to ride a horse.”

It was odd when you saw him smile slightly, nodding his head. “Well you’re in luck then, doll.”

A look of confusion formed on your face as you tilted your head slightly. “How so?”

“I used to be a horse trainer,” he said, pushing his hand into his back pocket and pulling out a folded leather wallet, opening it and slowly taking out a card. “Now I own a ranch about half an hour out of town. And I rode a bit in some rodeos.”

You laughed slightly, nodding. “I definitely did get lucky.” As you looked down at the call, you smiled when you saw his name. “Joel?”

“Mhm, that’s it doll,” his voice was slightly gravelly as your stomach began to twist at his words, and he offered his hand. “Joel Miller.”

“I-I’m Y/N,” you took his hand, swallowing as he shook firmly. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too, doll.” His lips stretched out into a smile, chuckling as he squeezed your hand slightly. “Need help reachin’ anythin’ else?”

A smile formed on your face as you swallowed slightly, nodding your head. “I’m probably gonna need help with the rest of the goodies.”

“Lead the way, darlin’,” he hummed, smiling as he put his hands in his thick Ariat jacket.

You turned, putting your hands on the cart and slowly pushing as he followed you. “Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it.”

He laughed slightly, shaking his head. “Trust me, darlin’, I don’t want you to fall tryin’ to climb up shelves and hurtin’ your pretty self.”

When summer came, you were at Joel’s ranch probably more than you’d like to admit. He invited you out to the ranch for dinner and horse lessons more times than you could count, and you basically fell in love with his dog Molly.

You learned that his daughter Sarah had left for a summer camp a week before you met him. She was a competitor in some sort of horse riding circuit that Joel introduced her to, and the summer camp was getting her ready for one of the competitions that she planned on competing in.

When you got to the ranch for what felt like the hundredth time ever, you slowly got out as Molly ran towards you. A giggle escaped your mouth as you lean down to cup her snout, wiping at your cheeks as she started to lick your cheek. You laughed as you stood up, humming as you made your way toward the arena where Joel was giving his horse Chestnut a lap around.

You were dressed in some flared jeans and a button down shirt that Joel had given you because you showed up in a tank top to help with the heat. When he saw you, his lips formed a slight smile as he walked toward you with Chestnut.

“Hey darlin’.”

“Hey,” you giggled as you walked toward him, tilting your head. Joel let the lead slowly slip out of his hand as he opened his arms for you to hug him, letting you press yourself into his large chest and tuck your face into his neck while you wrapped your arms around him. His chest was so warm and he smelled like pine, hay, and a slight tinge of sweat. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, doll,” he smiled back, humming softly as he pulled away and softly stroked your cheek. “How has your day been?”

“Good,” you leaned into his rough and warm hand, shrugging slightly.

“Nothin’ special?”

You paused, thinking with a slight purse of your lips. “Well… I got to see you,” your giggle makes him smile as you lean your cheek on his chest and continue to look up at him. “That’s special.”

“You’re makin’ me blush, darlin…” he mumbled as he softly tilted your head up with two of his fingers under your chin. “Seein’ you is the best part of my day, doll.”

You only hummed softly, tilting your head into his hand as you let your fingers rub against the soft fabric of his button down. “Is it?”

“Always,” he mumbled as he reached his hand up to hold your wrist, pulling your fingers to his lips and softly kissing your knuckles. “Why do you think I keep inviting you back?”

“Mmm, I don’t know…” You whisper, biting your lip. “Keep telling me why.”

“‘You’re such a lil’ devil,” he growled out as he leaned down just enough to graze his lips to yours. “A fine… tempting little devil.”

You giggled as you leaned up enough to softly kiss his lips with a soft hum, finally taking what you had been wanting as you pushed your hand into his hair and pulled him lower. Joel let out a loud groan as his hands held your hips and pulled you closer, pulling your body flush against his as you softly tugged on his hair.

His lips are rougher than you thought they would be, not that they were very chapped but more so how rough he was kissing you. Joel held your hips with rough hands in a strong grip, pulling your hips into his own as you lifted yourself up onto your tiptoes.

“J-Joel…” you whimpered softly, swallowing as you tilted your head back. “Please…”

“Oh darlin’, you ain’t gotta beg me for nothin’,” he murmured as he gave a firm tap to your ass, making you gasp as he kissed you again. “I gotta put Chestnut back in his stall. Go inside…” his hands firmly held your ass as he let his teeth graze your lips. “You know where my room is… you get in there and you get ready for me and I’ll make sure a pretty darlin’ like you feels the best you ever will.”

You nodded as you inhaled deeply, swallowing as you rubbed his chest. “Yes.”

“Good girl,” he praised you with a soft kiss to your lips, moaning softly. “Such a good fuckin’ girl…”

You slowly pulled away, turning around to walk back in before his hand pulled you back to kiss your lips again. He was already addicted as you cupped his face, moaning into his mouth as he leaned forward enough to make you lean back and his grip get stronger to support you. He tasted like mint and apples, the first from brushing his teeth and the second from stealing a piece from what he fed to the horses.

“God fuck, darlin’, you’re just irresistable,” he murmured against your lips, letting his fingers thread through your hair as he trailed his fingers down the side of your neck to trace the collar of your- his button down. “You know how irresistible you are?”

“I’m findin’ out,” you mumble back, shaking your head slightly as you tilted your head slightly for him to push his fingers down between the buttons of the shirt you wore. “Go. I’ll be inside.”

“I may have to take a shower,” he whispers, shaking his head. “Think I stink.”

“Maybe a little bit,” you mumbled back in response, but then you shrugged slightly. “I can… take a shower with you… if you want.”

“As much as that tempts me,” he let his hands leave your body with a soft groan, shaking his head. “I wanna fuck you properly… I wanna watch your hands tug against my grip and hold the bed sheets so damn tight that your knuckles cramp up… I wanna hear the bed bangin’ against the damn wall as you make fuckin’ perfect noises under me.”

Just his words made your stomach twist and turn, squeezing your thighs together as you tried to control how fucking horny he was making you. You nodded as he firmly squeezed your ass, biting his lip as he nodded to you. “Go.”

His words were an order as you turned around, your fingers still on your lips that were tingling slightly from how rough he was kissing you, and you couldn’t stop thinking about it as you walked up the porch that wrapped all around the house that you fell in love with. You had gotten Joel to put furniture and such around where the two of you had spent nights staring out at the sunset with Molly sitting between the both of you.

As you walked inside, you tried to move around Molly to get upstairs to his room, groaning softly as you went up the stairs.

“Oh Molly… don’t do that, come on Molly, go downstairs! Go! Go Molly, go!” You tried to encourage the large, almost toasted marshmallow looking dog.

She just stares at you, her muzzle wide and smiling at you as she barks up at you.

“Molly! Baby! Go!”

She whines softly as you rub between her ears making her smile again, barking before running off down the stairs. You walked into Joel’s room, smiling at the horse pictures and illustrations around the room. It was obvious that Joel didn’t do this himself, and when you saw the picture of him and his daughter, you couldn’t help but smile as you grabbed the picture and softly stroked the glass.

He looked so happy.

You slowly put the picture done before you kicked off your boots and laid back against the bed. You let your hands slowly unbutton your shirt as you arched your back and slowly lifted your chest to take off Joel’s shirt before unclasping your bra behind your back. It was possible to take it off, but you don’t, staring up at the ceiling as you let your fingers trail over your stomach.

The thought of them being Joel’s fingers make your stomach twist as you rut your hips into the air with a slight whine. You were so desperate, moaning as you let your fingers slowly unbutton your pants and lifting up your hips to slowly slide them down your thighs. At the feeling of the cold air hitting the wet spot on your panties, you gasped, groaning as you tilted your head back and let your fingers push down between your thighs and rub your cunt through the fabric that covered your heat.

You were so caught up in that feeling, distracted from the fact that the door slowly opened, Joel merely covered by a towel wrapped around his waist. He came in front of the bed, slotting himself between your parted legs as he dropped down to his knees, carefully trying not to kneel on your clothes. He pushed himself between your legs, a gasp escaping your lips as you felt his hands slowly wrap around your thighs and pull them over his shoulders.

“J-Joel-!” You gasped as your hands moved to the back of his head, inhaling shakily as his nose drags up your slit, groaning softly.

“Goodness… you’re so fuckin’ irresistible, you know that?” He groaned in between your thighs, letting his fingers hook through the soft violet fabric, slipping it to the side. “Goodness… how did I not do this earlier?”

“Joel wait-”

Your words go completely ignored as he opens his mouth widely, letting his wet tongue slather saliva all over your dripping cunt. The feeling makes you squeal, hips rutting up into the air as his large hands pull your body lower to keep your body close to his mouth. “You taste so fuckin’ good…”

You don’t even fight back, groaning as you threw your head back and tried to prevent your thighs from tightening too much around his head as they quivered. One of his hands moved his fingers from your thighs, letting them drag up and down your slit lazily as he let his spit lather all over your clit. He lets his tongue point and flick against your clit, his fingers rubbing against your entrance as he let his mouth open widely and groan into your sex.

The feeling made your eyes roll back as you pulled him further into you, groaning as your back arched and you attempted to keep him as close as you could to your cunt. When his fingers pushed into you it felt like you lost your mind, finally looking down at him to see his eyes closed as he let his tongue trail all along your entire sex.

“Fuck, you taste so good, darlin’,” he groaned, letting his fingers languidly push in and out as he let his tongue flick against your clit again. The feeling of his tongue against your clit made you whine as you fixed his face in between your thighs, his nose brushing against your skin as he began to suck at the sensitive bud.

You started to squirm, desperately trying to keep his mouth on you as you groaned loudly. When his fingers got faster, you began to whine, moaning loudly as you let your hips roll onto his digits, whimpering as they got rougher.

Your stomach began to twist and turn into knots, incoherent noises coming from your mouth as his tongue dragged from your clit to where his fingers were, his other hand coming down to rub your clit with his thumb. The feeling was so close, so so close as you continued to rock your hips, moaning.

As his digits began to scissor and flex inside of you, your eyes rolled back, unable to control the convulsing of your stomach as you moaned loudly and felt your high inch closer. His tongue flicked against your entrance, rolling his fingers inside of you as your hips began to rut unconsciously into his fingers, a soft sob escaping your lips.

When the knot in your stomach finally snapped, you sobbed even louder as you bucked your hips repeatedly, groaning as you tugged on his hair. Joel groaned into your cunt, his tongue flattening to lick the entirety of your cum off of your pretty pussy.

Your hips continued to buck as you moaned, panting as you softly stroked his hair, watching as he slowly rose up and let his towel fall to the ground. You weren’t sure if the soft curls of chest hair stuck to his body was from sweat or the shower, moaning as he pulled your legs around his waist and hiked them onto his hips.

“Got damn, pretty girl,” he mumbled softly as he kissed your lips, his mouth soft against yours and his hand stroking your cheek as the other guided his blunt cock tip against your entrance. You whined, his tip much thicker than his fingers were, moaning as you bucked your hips forward, gasping as he pushed into you. This was not something that you would’ve expected to happen today, being dicked down by a man who had been teaching you how to ride horses for the past two months.

But for fucks sake, you really did want to show him how well you had learned to ride.

“Darlin’,” you felt his fingers softly flick at your cheek, gasping as you quickly looked up at him. “Where’s your head at?”

“J-Just…” you gasped as he began to roll his hips, kissing your cheek softly as he puckered his lips to your skin. “Th-Thinkin’... about putting my riding skills to use.”

Your words made him pause as he laughed slightly, groaning as he pulled your pelvis into his, twisting making you scream out. To steady yourself, you immediately placed your hands on his chest, groaning loudly as he let you sink down onto his cock.

“Do it then,” he urged you, biting his lip as his large, rough hands spread over the expanse of your thighs, holding them like he was holding the reins of a horse. “Show me your ridin’ skills.”

Your eyes rolled back as he slowly helped you roll your hips, a loud groan falling from his lips as he bent his knees to help raise you just a little bit. The added height made you gasp loudly, your fingers spreading across his chest as you slowly lifted yourself up by raising your hips on your knees, throwing your head back.

“There you go my pretty cowgirl, ride my cock,” he groaned out, languidly thrusting his hips upward to assist you as though you were riding the back of a bucking mustang. “Fuckin’ hell, cowgirl…”

He groaned out, words drawled as your toes curled, his thick cock hitting all of those perfect spots inside of you. Your spongy walls clamped down on him so tightly that he could barely pull you off of his cock, resulting in pathetic rolls of your hips to get his hard cock to press deeper into you.

“C’mon, you can do better than that, cowgirl,” he groaned out, throwing his head back as he fixed himself underneath you, finally bucking his hips fully into you. “I taught you better than that.”

You yelled out as his thrusts picked up speed and strength, knocking you forward as you yelled out into his neck. “J-Joel-!”

“Hush,” he groaned into your neck, his hand traveling from your thigh to your ass to pull your hips lower into his. “Just let me use your perfect fuckin’ pussy…”

You choked as you held his shoulders tightly, groaning mindlessly as he continued to buck up into you, panting as he groaned into your ear. “J-Joel, wait-!”

You weren’t sure what you were begging him to wait for. This was something that you wanted for so long, to feel his thick cock inside of you and his hands on your body, his mouth sucking what felt like hundreds of hickeys along your neck as he kept you down against him. His hands held your ass, hips thrusting into you as you eagerly chased after your high with pathetic bounces in his lap.

“God fuck, darlin’, you feel so fuckin’ good,” he moaned out, throwing his head back as his hands tighten on the fat of your ass. “Tryin’ not to fill your perfect pussy up with cum and keepin’ my cock in you so you feel so fuckin’ full…”

Your mind blurred at his words, his proposal so infinitely tempting that you felt your hips speed up, rocking into his at an unforgiving pace, so quick that it made your stomach twist and your mouth open to let out all the incoherent noises to show how much pleasure he was causing you.

Moans of his name and screams of pleasure came from your mouth, soon enough getting to the point where your eyes rolled back into your head and incoherent groans of pleasure continuously fell from your mouth with what seemed like no end.

You felt used in the best way possible, the inability to even move or rut your hips but Joel taking over in every way possible – ruting up into you, guiding your hips with a strong hand on your hip, his mouth sucking hickeys against any inch of skin he can get to, and his other hand groping and massaging your tit was making your mind blur.

You felt your stomach start to twist, whining as his thrusts got more inconsistent, never missing that spot inside of you that made your toes curl.

“Fuckin’ hell, darlin’, I’m going to cum.”

You could only nod desperately, shaky hands holding his shoulders and digging your nails into his skin.

“Beg for it,” he could barely get out his words, clenching his teeth together as he held back cumming there and then from the feeling of your nails digging into his skin. “Beg for me to cum inside of you.”

You whined, shaking your head. How could you say what he wanted you to say when you could barely speak?

“Say it,” he slapped your ass, a yelp falling from your lips as you finally came back to earth. “Speak.”

“I-I want it!” You sobbed, the desperateness of your orgasm finally processing. “I want to cum, I want you to cum inside of me-!”

That was all that he needed to let himself thrust into you sporadically, never controlling himself as he groaned into your neck, finally letting himself cum. You sobbed as you felt his cum spurt inside of you, moaning loudly as you threw your head back and giving him the perfect opportunity to tuck his head into your throat and kiss at your neck.

You groaned loudly as you came from the thrusts that got him through his high, his cum spurting into you being the final push to make you cum.

Your mind was blurry and spinning, sighing softly as you leaned your head on his shoulder. “I love you.”

He kissed your hair, humming as he kissed down your temple and to your lips. “I love you too, darlin’. And I guess I just figured out that you need no help ridin’ me.”

I do not ever give consent to my work being published on other platforms or being translated at any point, even if it is a request. If my work is on any other platform, it’s without my permission. Your media consumption is not my responsibility.

© asterias-record-shop

[serxinns]

Could you do a yandere class 1A where reader is Aizawa’s kid?

Teachers Kid

(yan! Class 1a and platonic Yan aizawa x Aizawas kid reader

Tw: Mentions of abuse, Neglect and cheating

Aizawa was very overprotective of you as a kid Ever since your mom neglecteded you, cheated on him, and left the both of you with another scumbag, he remembered the way you reached your little toddler hands towards her while the snake cling to the scum's arm while they both giggled leaving while she said her final goodbyes it wasn't any Genuine he can hear how eager she was to leave this family the door shutted and you started crying calling out to the snake to come back with ur little grabby arms his heart stung he promised to protect you and to make you don't gotta deal with it again but 1st he had to take care of that woman...

•You lived with your dad your mom wasn't present in your life your dad told you that she did something really bad and now she's getting "Punished" Aizawa homeschooled you through elementary school to middle school it was fun at 1st but you felt a little sad when other kids played with their friends brought back cool stuff like toys and candy while you were stuck in the house either training with him with or without your quirk

•at a young age you dreamed of being a hero like your father and go to UA to be just like him as much as Aizawa loved to look up to you he could never let you be a hero but always shut the topic down with a strict warning you kept pressuring him trying to convince him, bribe him anything you even did the puppy eyes he secretly loves so much but he stood his ground and said no his final answer

•Aizawa was teaching his boring lesson to the class when he heard his ringtone but it wasn't his usual ringtone "Dad pumpkin spit a hairball in your shoe" he quickly turned his phone off flushed red in embarrassment he slowly turned to see the class in shock and some of them giggling a bit "YOU HAVE A CHILD?!"

• the classrooms were in chaos they were now fixated on their teacher's kid they were all asking questions about ur description, Quirk, Personality everything they wanted to know everything about you, Aizawa quickly quieted them down "Everyone needs to quiet down! Yes that's is my kid they're the same age as you all and is are HAPPLIY homeschooled that's it now let's continue " the class tried to answer more questions but Aizawa shut it down completely which made the class groan while Aizawa looked annoyed in the outside in the inside he was panicking, his class all discovered about you and they seem eager

•Even after school they all couldn't stop thinking about you whenever someone mentioned you in their heart. started to race and started to blush they haven't even met you yet so why do they feel this way... They gather around starting to wonder what are you

•while Aizawa was driving home he was just panicking even more his class found out about you he thought he was hiding. you so well why did he have to slip up he didn't want to put you in public high school it was just too dangerous especially if villains are now spawning up more commonly and he thought of something something he didn't like but it was his only choice

•"Y/N!, Kid we need to talk" you walked downstairs to see that your father was looking really serious like this was gonna be a long talk you gulped mentally "yea Dad also did you get my voicemail?" "That's the one we're talking about," your father said his eyes narrowing at you "But another thing since villains these days are commonly targeting heroes these days and I was worried about what would happen to you when you're home alone so I decided to nezu about enrolling you to Ua High-" just when you said that you jumped in his arms hugging him so tight "YES YES THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU" Aizawa may be defeated and nervous but seeing you bleamed up like you used to as a kid made him think you'll be fine "Alright then you start tomorrow im sure my class will love you"

[mr2swap]

The incident: This man is my son

- Nate What the hell are you doing? -From falling my Briefcase to the ground while The funny creature that was in my new armchair began to bark without moving from its comfortable place in the muscular arms of my little son Nate, the long and smelly feet of my son stank the entire room with the musky odor of the sweat from his feet.

- Isn't it great dad? her name is Zoey, Mom and I rescued her on the way home, and don't worry about taking her for a walk I'm going to start jogging in the mornings before I go to school, and I'll pick up everything I do in the garden and I'm going to…- I made a hand gesture for her to stop and immediately there was silence, with the same hand I rubbed my hundred to try to alleviate the migraine that was beginning to attack me -Just... it's fine just don't put her on the sofa and clean what she does- I continued on my way towards the kitchen while Nate smiled at me with those lips hidden in a beard recently shaved by my wife Naina, in a second Nate wrapped his long arms around the dog and lowered her to the ground.

-And don't put your feet up on the table! - I yelled before entering the kitchen, once again Zoey the new member of the family barked at me and stayed while she and my huge and noisy son stayed in the living room, as soon as I entered the kitchen I almost tripped over one of my son's toys, put away the little red tricycle with a soft kick that my son usually plays with after coming home from the gym, maybe I should buy him a bike before he breaks it with his new weight of 265 pounds and his height of 6.5 feet tall but I should teach him how to drive it first just like I taught him how to shave.

The government psychologist assured me that it was only a matter of time before me to get used to my new son and his new body, but for me, it is still embarrassing to have to explain to the neighbors that the manly, muscular, shirtless white man who is playing basketball in our front yard is actually my little son Nate.

I couldn't do anything but get used to having another "man" at home, the government is trying to reverse the random exchanges but the terrorists altered the gas so that the effects would be indefinite, maybe forever, I went to the stove to prepare a chamomile tea, while I waited for the sound of the kettle to alert me, I tried to remember my life before that stupid accident in the subway.

Before Nate was the huge 6.5 feet tall hairy gorilla sitting in my living room he was an ordinary kid coming home to his grandfather from elementary school, the same way thousands of people inhaled the gas that a group of terrorists had stolen from a Swap Corp truck and when they woke up they found themselves trapped in the body of some stranger next to them!

The incident destroyed many lives and separated many families But Nate doesn't seem upset with his new body I don't think I've ever seen him smile so much now that he's a 33-year-old man, He doesn't have to go to school so while I and his mom are working he spends his mornings at the gym or playing video games but he still visits his old friends from elementary school to beat them at basketball and tell them all about his new life as a white man.

Of course, my father was also affected by the body-swapping gas, and right now he is spending his retirement money on his vacation in South Korea Before he left he said something about connecting with his new culture and his new age.

He was really lucky to end up in the body of “Yoon” a 25-year-old Korean man who was just at the station to take a couple of photos for his Instagram, at first Grandpa was puzzled by his adorable face and body. of a Greek god but now from all the pictures on the beach and in clubs on the other side of the world, it seems that he is having fun with his second chance. I can't say the same for the real Yoon, The term in my father's fat and old African-American body, and is living in a government asylum for people affected by the incident that's another story...

Hey folks! if you like bodyswap stories take a look at my patreon, I have a lot of more stories, and you can help me keep creating more stories!

[conkreetmonkey]

Interesting squirrels I have seen:

Local squirrel who lives a few blocks away but still within the same neighborhood. His tail is partially flattened, seemingly having been run over by a car while the rest of the squirrel escaped. The flattened bit, which takes up the end half of the tail from the middle to the tip, never seems to flex with the rest, and the fur has never floofed back out, but for all intents and purposes the squirrel seems fine, so I think it's just like that now. I see this one regularly.

Squirrel with no tail I used to see years ago, back when a sibling was still in elementary school, which is around where he seemed to live. He has no tail! The whole thing is gone, save for a bit of stump fluff that, without the whole bushy tail, stuck out and looked like the tail of a rabbit. Interestingly, he moved more like a rabbit than a squirrel, taking on more of a bounding gait than his peers. Also interestingly, much of the tail fur around the stump was white, which, among other evidence I have seen, leads me to believe that squirrel fur grows back white when the skin is injured.

Squirrel I saw once in childhood behind a local grocery store, who leapt out of an electrical box and ran away. His tail was almost entirely bald, save for a few scraps of fur that stuck out strangely. I love how he came out of an electrical box, looking exactly how animals in cartoons look like after getting electrocuted. Environmental storytelling.

The population of squirrels at a local playground that have black bodies and red tails (the black bodies aren't too noteworthy, as melanistic squirrels are actually the dominant coat variant here, with about 2/3rds of the grey squirrel population being black). I assume it was hybridization between grey and red squirrels? I only ever really saw them in that one public park, and haven't much since due to being an adult who doesn't spend much time at playgrounds anymore.

The two baby squirrels born in my yard in 2020 who didn't see much of humans and would spy on me when I went outside, thinking they were being so discreet by hiding behind tree trunks and poking their heads around. One was grey and one was black. I saw their mother teach them how to climb, it was adorable.

Finally, the one squirrel in my yard I once watched struggle to carry a chocolate pudding cup up a tree through the window for an entire dinner, then drop it, look down at the ground for a while evaluating his options, and then choose to leave it and go home. #relateable.

Also-worth-mentioning Squirrel Moment:

The time my father planted some seed potatoes in the garden, and the squirrels dug them all up and stored them in their nests. Then we ran into a period of windy weather, and for about a week afterwards potatoes would just fall from above like acorns.

[godlizzza]

If you’re still taking fanfic prompts, I’d love to read more about Dan and Herb training or teaching Piper about their work, I’m curious as to how that could have gone down over the years, no pressure though! Your work is really good! 😁

"Where are you?" Dan hissed into the phone.

On the other end of the line he could hear the blaring horns and revving engines of traffic. Herbert's voice crackled in his ear.

"Calm down. I'm on my way home now. Try not to let your blood pressure spike in the meantime."

Dan huffed in irritation. He ran his free hand through his hair before leaning heavily against the wall, the landline squished against his ear.

"Well, can you hurry up?" he urged.

"I'm going as fast as the road laws of this country allow me, Dan. Look, it's not my fault that meeting at the school went overtime. If that idiot art teacher would've stopped arguing with me sooner than none of this would be happening," Herbert said, his voice quickly following by the passing blare of another car horn.

When Herbert had informed him he'd be attending the elementary school's open meeting to discuss the budget, Dan had argued that really wasn't necessary but Herbert had been adamant.

"Have you seen the lab at that school? Even a roaming drug cartel would turn their noses up at it," Herbert had said, pulling on his coat in the foyer. "I won't have our apprentice learning science in such conditions."

Then he'd been out the door before Dan could get out another word.

"Piper's already here," Dan hissed, casting a furtive glance over his shoulder at said apprentice, who was spinning around on one of their bar stools. "What am I supposed to do?"

"She's eight, Dan," Herbert drawled. "I'm sure you can handle it. I have to go now. You're distracting the driver."

"Herbert-"

But Herbert had already hung up. Dan let out a long, aggravated sigh as he hung the phone back up on the wall. He was granted only a moment to compose himself before Piper chirped up from her seat.

"Where's Dr. West?"

Dan turned to find Piper staring up at him with her impossibly big blue eyes. He shuddered. It was like being stared at by an owl.

"He's running a little late but he'll be home soon," Dan replied.

"Okay," Piper said, jumping to the floor. Her pink sneakers were caked with dry mud and Dan cringed as they squeaked against his clean floorboards. "Can we start now?"

Dan began, "I don't think-"

But Piper took off before he could finish the sentence. She raced down the hall and Dan hurried to try and catch her. She unlocked the basement door and was flying down the steps in seconds.

"Wait!" Dan called after her, hopping into his work boots and nearly falling over in the process. "Piper."

"I'm not doing anything," Piper called back sweetly. "I'm just looking."

"Well, stop," Dan ordered, finally pulling his left boot on and straightening up. "You know you're supposed to wait for us to open the lab before you can come in."

He stomped down the stairs to find Piper balancing on a chair, stooped over the head of their latest cadaver. She had her hands braced on the operating table, bent so low her nose nearly brushed that of the corpse. Dan's heart seized in his chest as visions of Piper losing her balance and tipping forward, straight into the open chest cavity assaulted his brain. He rushed down the last few steps to grab Piper's arm and yank her back.

"Stop it," he snapped, hauling her back to the ground.

"I'm just looking," Piper said again, a whine creeping into her voice. She stared daggers at Dan's hand locked around her upper arm until he let go.

"Stop just looking then," Dan told her but she was already scurrying off, poking her nose into the latest barrel of reagent.

Dan's temples throbbed as he tried to corral her, but Piper didn't pay him any head, no matter how many times he told her to stay still. Herbert never had this problem with her. She hung off his every word and would never dream of directly disobeying him. It seemed she reserved this defiant streak only for him.

"Piper," Dan warned as she picked up a pair of forceps from the tool tray, "if you don't put that down right now, you'll be banned from the lab for a week."

Piper narrowed her eyes at him, clutching the forceps like a dragon guarding its treasure. "You can't do that."

"Oh, really?" Dan shot back, his tone seeped in faux cheer. "Well, why don't I call Dr. West right now and see what he thinks?"

Piper went still, her eyes growing wide and fearful in an instant. "No, no- Don't!"

Dan reached into his back pocket and pulled out his cellphone, flipping it open. "No, no, I think I will. If you're going to break all of our rules I think he should know about it."

He began punching in keys and Piper dropped the forceps with a clatter. She flew across the room and clutched at his shirt, tugging desperately.

"No, please!" she begged. "I'm sorry. I'll be good. Please don't call him!"

Dan looked down at her beseeching gaze. When he didn't say anything, she threw her arms around his legs and buried her face in his side.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Cain," she sniffled. "You know you're my second favourite doctor."

"Gee, thanks so much," he deadpanned, but put his phone away anyway. He gave Piper a swift pat on the head.

He'd seen Piper hug Herbert on multiple occasions, and while Herbert always looked a little disgruntled, he never pushed her away. Sometimes he even hugged her back. When Herbert had suggested- well, more like informed- Dan that Piper be their apprentice, Dan had thought he'd just been excited at the thought of having a willing ear to impart his theories onto. He hadn't anticipated seeing an odd paternal side of Herbert emerge.

He wasn't sure he liked it.

Actually, he definitely didn't like it.

When Dan was younger, in the days before he knew Herbert, he'd always thought kids would be a part of his future. But after Herbert and the reagent had been introduced into his life- after they'd stumbled into love- thoughts of a quiet life with a wife and kids had quickly been erased. It had always plagued him though. What would having a child be like? Was he missing out on something amazing?

Piper's entrance into his life wiped away any lingering doubts he had. Dan thought he much preferred it when it was just him and Herbert.

Herbert came home about fifteen minutes later. He descended the stairs to find Dan standing watch over Piper while she dutifully wrote out the lab rules.

"Hello?" Herbert said with some confusion.

Piper perked up at the sound of his voice. She let her book and pencil fall to the floor as she raced across the lab to throw her arms around him.

"Hi, Dr. West!" she greeted cheerily. She was almost glowing with happiness at the sight of him and Dan thawed slightly to her.

Herbert grunted but placed his hand softly on the back of Piper's head. He looked over her at Dan and raised an eyebrow. Dan just shrugged in answer. While he didn't think he'd ever have that same warmth with Piper that flowed between her and Herbert, he thought he could learn to live with her presence.

After all, they shared one thing in common: a love and devotion to Herbert West.

[kiddoryder]

Angelic Friend

Hey guys! The season finale was SO good!! I love it so much!! Can’t wait for season 2! But this fanfic will take place before the finale.

Anyway, this story is about my new OC Pixie, who became friends with Charlie and the others but has a major secret.

So relax and enjoy the story!

Blitz and Sophie McKnight belong to @loli-momo1908

At 666 Lucifer Elementary School, Sonya was at her locker putting away her books. Liz came out in shadow form looking a bit annoyed.

Liz - “Why didn't you leave that boring class?”

Sonya - “Because I actually wanted to learn a new potion spell.”

Liz - *whining* “But that was boring!”

Sonya - *rolled her eyes* “You’re such a drama twin.”

Liz - *cross her arms* “Well you’re lucky it’s almost lunch time.”

As Sonya and Liz were walking to lunch, they heard some strange noises. They were sounding like somebody was being banged into lockers.

Liz - “What the hell was that?”

Sonya - “No idea. But let’s check it out. You know our curiosity.”

Liz - “Yeah, but unlike cats, it doesn't kill us.”

They followed the noises until they were down the hall. They were surprised to see a humanoid butterfly demon with black hair in a bob style, antennas, yellow glass eyes, big red and black wings along with the same color spiky dress, black gloves, with a gray belt, and brown boots. The butterfly was getting pushed around by 2 imp kids and a hellhound. Sonya and Liz looked disgusted as they witnessed the butterfly getting pushed around.

Butterfly - “Please leave me alone!”

Imp kid - “Not until you give us your lunch money.”

Butterfly - “No! It’s mine!”

Hellhound - “Heh. Why don’t we rip this freak wings off?”

Imp kid 2 - “Good idea!”

Just when they were about to grab the butterfly’s wings, they heard Sonya’s voice:

Sonya - *threateningly* “Hey! Leave her alone!”

The bullies turned and saw Sonya.

Imp kid - *smug* “Hey it’s the weirdo with the imaginary friend!”

Sonya - “Liz isn’t imaginary! She’s real!”

Hellhound kid - “Just get out here before we beat you next!”

Sonya - “Not until you leave the girl alone!”

Imp kid 2 - “Then I guess we are gonna have to bust you up!”

Sonya - “Alright. But can I just read something!”

Imp kid - *scoff* “What? Your will or your diary?”

Sonya - “No this! *take out a spellbook* somnum exterreri!”

At first, nothing happened. The bullies laughed at Sonya but still had that smile on her face. But then a few seconds, the bullies eyes turned purple and they fell on the ground screaming. Sonya smirks at this and went to the butterfly girl. She held out a hand to her:

Sonya - *softly* “You okay?”

Butterfly - *shyly* “Y-Yes. Umm…What did you do to those boys?”

Sonya - “I did a nightmare spell. They would be trap in their worst nightmare. Don’t worry, it only last a few hours.”

Butterfly - turn her head and rub her arm“Well…Thank you for saving me.”

Sonya - *smiles* “No problem. I can’t stand bullies. What’s your name by the way?”

“My name is Pixie.”

Sonya - “I’m Sonya Morningstar. This is my twin sister Liz.”

Liz - “Sup Shybug!”

Pixie - *uncomfortable* “Umm…It’s Pixie and how come you’re a shadow?”

Sonya - *chuckles* “My sister and I were born a Gemini: it’s considered very rare in Hell since it’s a pure earth star. We share the same body. Liz likes to give nicknames to people she meets.”

Liz - “It’s easier to remember than real names.”

Sonya - “Come on, We will show you around Hell.”

Pixie - “Um? What about school?”

Liz - *shrugs* “None of the teachers would care. They sometimes even let us go early if they don’t feel like teaching us anything.”

()()()()()()()()

As Sonya, Liz and Pixie were taking a walk on the street. As they were walking, Pixie was looking around and saw demons. They were either fighting, killing each other, stealing, etc. Pixie was feeling a bit uncomfortable seeing blood and guts and fire. She once again turned her head and rub her arm since it sometimes helps calm her down when she’s nervous.

Pixie - *uncomfortable* “Umm…Is this always like this?”

Sonya - “Yeah. But you get used to it.”

Liz - “What are ya? A sinner or hellborn?”

Pixie - “Oh! Um…I’m a sinner.”

Sonya - “Really? How long have you been here?”

Pixie - “A-A few days actually. I did some pretty bad stuff and I’m here. By myself.”

Sonya - *sympathetically* “Oh man really?”

Liz - *whispers* “Hey Sonya, tell her about the hotel.”

Sonya - *whispers* “Good idea! Hey Pixie, I know what place you can go to.”

Pixie - “Really?”

Sonya - *grabs her hand* “Yeah! Come on!”

()()()()()()()()

Sonya and Pixie ran until they made it in front of the Hazbin Hotel. Pixie’s eyes widened in surprise at how nice the hotel actually looked. Since the other buildings she had seen are either damaged, dirty, or run down.

Pixie - “What is this place?”

Sonya - “The Hazbin Hotel!”

Liz - “Our cuz Charlie owns it.”

Pixie - “Really?”

Sonya - “Yeah it’s super cool! I’ll show you.”

Sonya led Pixie inside and saw some egg bois covered in paint and getting chase by Niffty who is trying to clean them. Sir Pentious was trying a picture but was using the brush too hard. Angel was painting but was looking at Husk who just gave him the finger. Blitz and Sophie was also working on their painting as well. Charlie and Vaggie were also painting until Charlie noticed Sonya and Liz with Pixie.

Charlie - *happy* “Oh hey Sonya and Liz! *she hugs them* Oh! Who’s your little friend?”

Sonya - “This is Pixie. She’s new in Hell.”

Pixie - *shyly* “N-Nice to meet you.”

Charlie - *warmly* “Nice to meet you too. Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel: where sinners come to get redeem and go to heaven with the help from me! The Princess of Hell.”

Pixie - *shocked* “Princess of Hell?! *freaking out* Oh uh…N-Nice to meet you *curtsy* your princess-ness I-I mean your highness or umm…Royal lady person? No! That’s not good! Umm-“

Charlie - “Whoa! Take it easy. You can just call me Charlie.”

Pixie - *takes a deep breath* “R-Right. Charlie. Umm…So you redeem sinners here?”

Charlie - “Yep! I feel like it’s a better solution than the extermination.”

Pixie - “Extermination?”

Charlie - *surprised* “Oh my? You don’t know? Well for as long as I can remember: heaven sent these cruel awful exorcists that would come and kill a lot of sinners.”

Pixie - *horrfied* “That's so horrible!”

Charlie - *determinated* “But this hotel is going to change that! It will show heaven that everybody deserves a second chance.”

Pixie still looked scared and nervous. Especially hearing about the extermination. Sonya noticed this and said:

Sonya - “Umm…Cousin Charlie, why don’t we show what we are doing now?”

Charlie - “Good idea! *sweetly* Pixie, do you like to draw and paint?”

Pixie - *slowly nods* “I love drawing.”

Charlie - “Come I’ll introduce you to the others. *points to Vaggie* This is my girlfriend Vaggie.”

Pixie - *shyly held out her hand* “Nice to meet you.”

Vaggie - *smiles* “Nice to meet you too. You have very nice wings.”

Pixie - *smiles* “Thanks.”

Charlie - “These are also our guests. The first one is Angel Dust.”

Angel - “Hey kid. I really like your dress. It remind of that bitch Velvette once wore for some fashion shit.”

Pixie - “Oh you’re into fashion too?”

Angel - *nods* “Yep. I’m a drag queen, a sexy one at that. And I also love to suck-“

Sonya - *mad* “Angel! Nobody wants to hear that!”

Angel - *chuckles* “Popsicles! I wasn’t gonna say anything dirty.”

Pixie - *to Charlie* “What does he mean?”

Charlie - *nervously chuckles* “It’s nothing. Our other guest is Sir Pentious.”

Sir Pentious - “Greetings little butterfly! I’m the great Sir Pentious who will

Someday show off his amazing inventions in hell!”

Vaggie - *stern* “Pentious, what have we discuss before?”

Sir Pentious - *sighs* “No building weapons in the hotel.”

Charlie - “And this is Blitz and Sophie McKnight.”

Sophie - “Hi! I really like your wings! I have wings too.”

Pixie - *chuckles* “I can see that. They are really nice.”

Blitz - “It’s nice to meet you Pixie. I’m Sophie’s older brother.”

Pixie - “It’s really nice to meet you.”

Charlie - “And this is Husk. He’s the bartender.”

Pixie - “O-Oh but I’m too young to drink…”

Husk - “Relax kid, I don't serve drinks to kids. Unless they want to, I mean I can see the weird boy drinking at 13.”

Sonya - *annoyed* “I’m a girl Husk.”

Husk - *shrugs* “Whatever.”

Charlie - “Umm…This is Niffty who is the housekeeper. We are mostly sure that she’s is 80% harmless.”

Niffty - “Hi! Your wings remind me of all the bugs I kill! *sees one* oooh that one deserves some stabs!!”

Charlie - *chuckles nervously* “Why don’t we draw some pictures?”

()()()()()()()()()

Sonya and Pixie were painting some pictures. Then Pixie finished and said:

Pixie - “Is this good?”

She nervously showed everybody her painting. The painting was pictures of a field with flowers. Everybody stared at it in awe.

Charlie - *amaze* “Wow Pixie! That is amazing!”

Pixie - *shyly turn away and rubs her arm* “Thank you. I-I always like to draw and paint.”

Angel - “So wait if you like sunshine and flowers, how the fuck did you end up here?”

Pixie - “Oh! Umm…I actually hurt animals…Found them annoying. Especially Butterflies. I died when I-I got hit by a car after I pushed a cat.”

Sophie - *shocked* “You hurt animals?! But they are so cute.”

Pixie - “I didn’t think so.”

Charlie - “Well Pixie, I get the feeling you need the hotel to help you change your ways.”

Pixie - *surprised* “You want me to stay?”

Charlie - “Of course! The hotel is about second chances and I can tell you deserve one.”

Vaggie - “Wait, Pixie are you by yourself?”

Pixie - *nod* “Yes. I don’t have my parents with me.”

Charlie - *sympathetic* “Aww…Well don’t worry, we promise to protect and take care of you.”

()()()()()()()()

Outside in the hotel, Charlie, Vaggie, Blitz were outside while Pixie and Sonya were playing tag with Sophie. However, as they were playing, Sophie wasn’t watching where she was going and tripped and fell on the ground.

Blitz - *worried* “Sophie!”

Sophie whimpered and had tears in her eyes. There was a cut on her knee and it was bleeding.

Sophie - *whimpers* “It hurts..”

Just before Blitz can do his healing power, Pixie steps up and gently puts her hand on Sophie’s wound. She closed her eyes and her hand began to glow and the wound was gone. The others were amazed by Pixie's powers. However, Pixie began to wince as Sophie’s wound was now on her knee.

Sonya - “What the heck happened? How did you do that?”

Pixie - *wince* “It’s part o-of my curse. I-I can heal but get the pain.”

Charlie - *sympathetic* “Oh you poor thing. I’ll get you a bandage.”

Sophie - “I’ll help!”

Charlie - *chuckles* “Okay my little nurse.”

Charlie got the first aid kit and Sophie helped her with Pixie’s wound. Then Pixie has an apple design bandage.

Pixie - “Thank you.”

Sophie - *holding her hand* “Come on Pixie, for being a good patient, you get a treat!”

As Sophie led Pixie inside with Sonya following, Vaggie and Blitz looked a bit suspicious of Pixie.

Vaggie - “Charlie, don’t you think that was a bit strange?”

Charlie - *confused*“ What do you mean?”

Vaggie - “She was able to heal Sophie’s wounds.”

Charlie - “But Blitz does that all the time.”

Blitz - “Yeah but that’s different. I’m a hellborn demon. Pixie is a sinner.”

Vaggie - “Don’t you think it’s strange for a sinner to have healing powers?”

Charlie - “Yeah but remember something: she has a curse as well. So whenever she does heal somebody, she gets their injuries as well.”

Vaggie - “Yeah that’s true.”

Blitz - “But I find it strange that what caused her to go to hell was hurting animals. It's usually something more than that.”

Charlie - “I know but she still ended up here alone. The hotel purpose is for second chances and Pixie really deserves it. Plus she looks scared and nervous when we first saw her. Hell can be scary especially for kids.”

Vaggie - *sighs* “Yeah your right Charlie. I just don’t want anything bad to happened.”

Blitz - “Maybe we should still keep an eye on her just in case.”

()()()()()()()()

Over the next few days, Sonya and Liz have been hanging out with Pixie. Spending time with Sonya, Liz, Charlie, and the others actually been helping Pixie as well. She grew less nervous and more open of her feelings and having fun. Even though Vaggie and Blitz kept an eye on Pixie, they thought nothing of her seeing she caused no harm at all.

One day, Pixie and Sonya were playing volleyball at school. Sonya hit the ball and the opponent jumped high and hit the ball with great force. But then Pixie flew and also hit the ball with such great force that the ball hit the other player and got sunk into the ground.

Pixie - “Whoo! We won!”

Sonya - “Awesome job Pixie!”

Liz - “Yeah Shybug! You hit that ball like I would!”

Pixie - *giggled* “Well I did learn from the best.”

Liz - “Oh yeah that’s true. I actually taught her that move.”

Pixie - “Oh! I made you guys something.”

Pixie took out two friendship bracelets. One was a blue one that had a blue heart for Liz, and a yellow one with a yellow heart for Sonya. Both Sonya and Liz looked so touched at this.

Sonya - *touched* “Aw thanks Pixie! It’s so sweet! Oh! Here’s something for you!”

Sonya took out her magic book and said: “Holinua!” And then a pink friendship bracelet with a butterfly came.

Sonya - “I made it pink since it’s your favorite color.”

Pixie - *squeal* “Thank you! I’m gonna change.”

Pixie went to the locker room to change. Song and Liz were looking at their friendship bracelet that Pixie made them. They never really had anything like this.

Sonya - “Pixie is so sweet.”

Liz - “Yeah. She kind of reminds me of Cuz.”

Sonya - “Now that she’s comfortable around us, you think she's ready to meet Rimfire, Raina and Frostbite?”

Liz - “Yeah. I think they will like her.”

Sonya - *noticed something* “Hey Pixie dropped her gloves. *picks it up* better give it back to her.”

Sonya and Liz went to the locker room to look for Pixie. However, they noticed a glowing light. Curious about it, they followed the light, and their eyes widen in shock:

Pixie was in angelic form.

Her skin and new gloves were now white as snow. Her wings and hair are sky blue with white on them. Her dress was blue with yellow swirl designs. Her leggings were white with pink hearts on them, with black Mary Jane shoes and eyes were white even having a halo above her head.

Sonya - *shocked* “P-Pixie…”

Pixie turned around and saw Sonya and Liz with shocked looks on her face.

Pixie - *yelps* “Sonya! Liz! I didn’t know you came-“

Sonya - “You…You were an angel all this time!”

Pixie - *nervous* “No! No! It not like that I-“

Liz - *mad* “You lied to us! Did our friendship mean nothing to you?!”

Pixie - “No no! It did! I really do consider you guys my first real friends! I just…”

Sonya - *sadly* “Oh Pixie…Why?”

Pixie took a deep breath and began to sing:

I know I shouldn’t of have lied

I should of told you the truth on

How I really did died:

The whole hating animals was an

act. I actually do love them all especially

butterflies. One day I saw a cat from afar and sacrificed my life so it wouldn’t be hit by that car.

Even though heaven became my new home, I still felt uncomfortable, shy and alone. I kept hearing how bad hell was so I wanted to see with my own eyes. So I use my powers to see the place where the bad people had died.

At first I was scared, but after meeting you guys and the princess of hell, I actually felt more at ease. This place isn’t actually sad in fact: Hell isn’t as bad.

Sonya - *singing* Hell isn’t as bad but hey what place is perfect? Meeting you made me glad.

Liz - *singing* You accept us for who we are. Not a lot of people do. I used to think Angels were nothing but stuck up bitches but meeting you changed that. You can even see that He’ll isn’t as bad.

Pixie - *singing* “I’m sorry that I lied. But what will your cousin say? What if she gets angry and turns me away?

Sonya - *singing* “You shouldn’t worry because she’s not like that. Because she will now know that you think Hell isn’t as bad.

Liz - *singing* “Our Cuz is forgiving. She’s all about forgiving. She believes in second chances and won’t give you neglectful glances. It will make her happy when she hears how an angel doesn’t think Hell isn’t as bad.”

All three - *singing* “Hell isn’t as bad since meeting each other made us all glad! It shouldn’t matter if you’re a demon or an angel, you can still be friends and care about each other and see places like Hell isn’t as bad!

All three of them stop singing and giggle.

Pixie - “I’m still sorry for lying.”

Sonya - *chuckles* “It’s okay. I know it’s hard to reveal something huge like this.”

Liz - “Yeah. But you’re still cool for an Angel.”

Unknowingly to them, outside the window were two exorcist angels watching them.

Exorcist 1 - “There’s the missing angel!”

Exorcist 2 - “Looks like the demon was keeping her hostage this whole time.”

Exorcist 1 - “Should we report this to Adam?”

Exorcist 2 - “Not yet. We will take care of it first.”

()()()()()()()()()

Sonya, Liz and Pixie were outside of the hotel. Pixie was still feeling a bit unsure.

Pixie - *nervous and rubs her arm “Ooh I don’t know about this. What if your cousin gets mad at me?”

Liz - “Hey, like we told you before: our Cuz is all about second chances.”

Sonya - “She will be a bit surprised, but will understand.”

“Found you!”

They turned around and saw the two Exorcist Angels.

Pixie - *horrified* “The Exorcists!”

Sonya - *shocked* “How the hell they get here?!”

Excorist 1 - “We noticed an little angel girl was missing and saw that she was in hell.”

Excorist 2 - “That when we saw her with you and realized you kidnap her! We are taking her back home.”

Sonya - “No! She’s staying here.”

Exorcist 1 - *chuckles* “Suit yourself, demon. Will fun to have a practice for the extermination.”

Sonya - “Stay back Pixie! We got this!”

Sonya took out her magic spell book and began to say our spells like fire, water, ice, etc. While they took effect, it wasn’t powerful enough to stop the Exorcists. Then one of the Exorcists burnt Sonya’s book to ashes. Just when Sonya was about to prick out her finger to let out Liz, she felt a shock collar around her neck and was lifted up in the air. She saw one of the Exorcists was using a pole connected to an angelic shock collar. Pixie was horrified by this and tried to stop it but was held back by one of the Exorcists.

Inside the hotel, the others were actually discussing plans for the next activity. But they were hearing noises outside.

Husk - *annoyed* “Princess can you tell who ever making the fucking noises to shut the hell up!?”

Charlie - “Calm down Husk. It probably some demons fighting in front of the hotel again.”

When Charlie moved the curtain windows her eyes widened in horror: her baby cousin was in danger by the Excorists!

Sonya tried to pull the shock collar away from her neck. It almost worked but the other Exorcist use the collar around her arms that caused her even more pain and started screaming.

Exorcist 1 - “Look like we got a new test dummy!”

Pixie - *horrified* “NO! STOP!!”

All of a sudden, the window broke and Charlie in her demonic form effortly broke the poles in half like they were toothpicks. Sonya was free, but almost fell to the ground but was caught by Angel Dust who carried her in his arms.

Charlie - *demonic and threateningly* “Touch my baby cousin again, and I’ll tear you two apart, put the pieces back together to make ugly ragdoll!”

Exorcist 1 - *shocked* “What?!”

Exorcist 2 - “What the fuck?!”

Charlie - *furious* “You heard me dipshits! The demon you were hurting is the niece of Lucifer and I don’t think he would be happy to hear heaven break their deal on hurting a hellborn!”

Exorcist 2 - *shocked* “Oh shit! We are so dead!”

Just when Charlie was about to rip those two apart, Pixie said;

Pixie - “Charlie stop!”

Charlie turned and saw Pixie as an angel. This shocked Charlie seeing an angel that wasn’t an exorcist in Hell.

Charlie - *calming down* “Pixie?”

Pixie - “Please don’t fight! It’s all my fault I just wanted to see what Hell is like. *to the Exorcists* I’ll go back to heaven. Please just don’t hurt them anymore.”

The Exorcists opened the portal to heaven. Charlie said:

Charlie - “Wait Pixie!”

Pixie - *regretfully* “Tell Sonya that’s I’m sorry.”

Charlie - “Wait!”

But it was too late. Pixie flew up in heaven along with the two Exorcists. The portal closed and Charlie looked really sad. Then Angel said:

Angel - *concerned* “Charlie. Your cousin doesn’t look too good.”

Charlie turned and saw her baby cousin unconscious in Angel’s arms. She had bruises and burnt marks on her. Even Liz looked worried and scared for her sister.

Charlie - “We gotta call her parents now!”

()()()()()()()()

Sonya moans a bit and she opened her eyes halfway. Sonya saw she was in her hotel room and in bed covered with a blanket. She felt a bit dizzy and then her eyes widen as she remembered something:

Sonya - *loud raspy* “PIXIE!”

Then Sonya began to cough as Liz came out in her shadow form.

Liz - “Oh thank Uncle Lucifer you’re okay! But take it easy sunshine you’re burnt out.”

The shout out had Charlie, Sonya and Liz’s parents Azarel, and Zella rushing in. They were relief to see that Sonya was okay.

Charlie - “Thank Dad you’re okay. We were so worried about you.”

Zella - But you shouldn’t of speak as your throat is still weak”

Sonya - *winces* “What happened?”

Azarel - “Those evil Exorcists came and hurt you. Charlie came to save you. *darkly* Those bastards were lucky I wasn’t there cause I would have torn them limb from limb!”

Charlie - *nervously chuckles* “Take it easy Uncle Azarel.”

Liz - “You were out for a couple of hours. But Mom patched you up.”

Sonya then noticed some had a couple of bandages on her, and her throat was wrapped in gauze bandage as well. Even saw that she was in her pajamas.

Zella - “Your father and I will stay here for a few days.”

Sonya - “But what about Pixie?”

Charlie, Liz, Azarel and Zella all looked at each other with unease. They didn’t know how to break it to Sonya. Especially with the injuries she had suffered.

Charlie - *sighs* “Sweetheart, Pixie had to go back to heaven.”

Sonya - *shocked* “What?”

Liz - *sad* “It’s true. She had to go back home.”

Zella - “She didn’t want an ugly fight so she went back to the heaven lights.”

Sonya was shocked and devastated. Her friend had to go back home. Even though Pixie was Angel, she still didn’t deserve to go back home by force. Sonya looked at her friendship bracelet Pixie made her, lied back down on her bed, turned to her side, and silently began to cry. Liz noticed and gave her a hug to comfort her. Charlie, Azarel and Zella felt sorry for her and Azarel said:

Azarel - *comforting* “Oh it’s okay sweetie. I know it hurts that Pixie had to leave but it’s not as bad.”

Sonya - *whimpers* “H-How you know?”

Zella - “Your father is right honey, there sometimes people stay and then they have to go away. But it’s not always forever.”

Charlie - “Yeah! Maybe there’s a chance that Pixie can come back. And you can always remember the good times you had together.”

Sonya - *smiles a bit* “That’s true. *to her parents* Are you guys upset that she was an angel?”

Azarel - “Nah you can be friends with whoever you want. As long as they aren't sickos.”

Zella - “What matters is that she makes you happy. Now you need some rest so you can feel less crappy.”

Zella gently push Sonya down on her bed and tuck her in. Gave her a kiss on the forehead and left the room. Azarel said:

Azarel - “We will be the room across yours in case you need us.”

Azarel and Zella left the room to go to their hotel room. Charlie then said to Sonya:

Charlie - “I’m glad you’re okay. But I’m sure you will see Pixie again. The actions she pulled is proof that your friendship is genuine.”

Charlie gently gave her baby cousin a hug and left the room. Sonya looked at her friendship bracelet and smiled at it.

Liz - “Cuz is right. Shybug actually did care because she tried to stop the right and didn’t act like a snob toward demons.”

Sonya - *smiles* “Yeah. I’m sure we will see her again.”

Sonya took off her bracelet and put it under her bed.

Sonya - “See you soon Pixie.”

Sonya smiled and fell asleep. Hoping that someday she will see her angelic friend

Hope you all like it!

[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 26- BTS China Job

Chapter Summary: Throwback Chapter of when BTS went to China

Words: 2,000+

----

Arriving at the Gimpso Airport, early in the morning, Jen and the guys were filmed for their documentary as they tried to practice their Chinese.

"I really should've paid attention in Chinese class," Jen said with a hint of regret.

Jennie (Back in elementary school before there were budget cuts, we always had a Chinese teacher come into our classroom and teach Chinese for an hour on Thursdays. I didn't do any of the homework and would copy off my friends *laughs nervously* uh, yeah now I wish I paid attention. Mom, Dad, are you watching this? Uh...I'm sorry? Parents can't ground their kids that are out of the country...can they?)

Once they arrived in Beijing at the capital Airport, fans eagerly waited for them and ended up screaming when they saw them arrive. With security guards, all around them, the eight members walked through the screaming fans who were taking videos and pictures.

Bunched together with the rest of the members and security guards, Jen managed to wave and smile at some fans, who happily fangirl and fanboy over her acknowledging them. She didn't think the fans would be this loud in China. It was a sight she would never get used to.

When they headed outside, Jen decided to quickly take a few selfies with some fans before the security guards escorted her to the bus.

"Picture! Picture!" She heard fans say in English, motioning for their cameras and phones.

"She's at it again with the fan engagement." Namjoon looked on as he got on the bus.

"The manager is going to scold her." Jimin let out a giggle.

"Jennie, we need to go." The manager ordered her.

"I'm coming!" Jen replied, making her way to the front of the bus.

"Jennie! Please! Picture! Picture!" A female Chinese fan asked in English, gesturing to her phone.

"Okay, but then I really have to go." She smiled and posed for her camera. When she heard, the manager scolding her, she bowed and headed inside the bus. "Sorry, sorry."

Jennie (I always get scolded. But I can't help it! They waited so long to see us, I wanted to take a few selfies. I feel like we should be able to engage with them before we leave.)

Sitting next to a window, she waved at the fans surrounding the bus to take pictures. Throughout the entire bus ride, Jen and the guys tried to pronounce Chinese words.

"Hello! I'm the Bangtan girl, Jennie!" She greeted softly in Chinese while bowing.

"Bang! Tan!" Rapmon shouted.

"Hello! We are Bangtan Boys!"

"First, welcome you all to Beijing!" The PD said, earning cheers in response. "What are you looking forward to the 2nd time, you're in China?"

"This time, we're here to participate in the award show. It's also our first time attending an award show overseas. We're looking forward to seeing if we will win an award." Suga answered. "It'll be good if we win an award."

"It's also our first time having a fan meeting overseas! No, it's a fan sign. I'm really looking forward to our fan sign." J-Hope added

"The food and sights are what I'm also looking forward to!" Jennie answered eagerly.

"Last time we ate a lot of good food," Jungkook spoke up.

"What did you eat?" Jin asked.

"Meat!" Rapmon called out while they talked about duck and other foods. "This time we're here to participate in the award show and fan sign. But we're anticipating just the fact that this is an overseas trip. This is also our first time having a show performance in China. Yinyuetai told us to film a special documentary. We feel very honored. We will work hard in filming it!"

"For the next three days, our production team will be with you. Hope we all can become close." The PD said.

"Please look after us, thank you."

--------

'MasterCard Center'

After their bus ride, they arrived backstage in the waiting room, setting their stuff down and curiously looking at the refreshments that were in store for them. When they headed to the dream stage with their mics, they prepared for their rehearsal.

'What do you think of the stage?'

"I'm a bit shocked seeing such a big stage. Because we've practiced many times, it should suit this stage." Rapmon answered, looking around in amazement.

"Jennie, please greet everyone." The camera went to her as she smiled and bowed.

"Hey, I'm Jennie. This stage is huge! I'm excited to perform on it. I'm impressed. Good looking stage." She nodded in approval.

"What habits do you have before going on stage?"

"Oh, definitely butterflies and I like to jump around, to get my blood flowing. That usually helps me. Here, I'll demonstrate." She started jumping up and down, happily. "Oh, and cartwheels! See!" She started cartwheeling around the stage, earning loud laughs from J-Hope and Jimin.

The camera shifted to Rap Monster watching her with a sigh. 

"Jennie...she's...she's thrilled, right now. Whenever she's happy, she goes on a cartwheel frenzy. She's...very happy, right now." He laughed.

After they practiced Boy in Luv, the staff gave them suggestions on their performances and rehearsed a second time. Once they went backstage, Jennie was drenched in sweat, grabbed a bottle of water from the staff, and drank half of it, in big gulps.

After settling down backstage, Jen and the guys were seated for their interview. "We will start now. Each of you, please introduce yourself."

With everyone turning to Jennie, she successfully introduced her name and age in Chinese. After the introductions, the PD asked them, "There were a lot of fans at the airport. How do you feel?"

"I was totally surprised," Suga said in astonishment.

"The fans always come to see us like that. But I'm afraid they will get hurt since there's a lot of people. There's pushing and shoving so I'm worried about the safety of the fans. But I'm truly thankful to the fans that come all the way to see us. They waited for a long time." Rap Monster answered.

Pointing to Jennie, he mentioned, "I actually thought we lost Jennie, for a moment because one second she was with us, the next she was gone." His comment earned loud laughs from everyone as she grinned sheepishly. 

"I tried to take a few selfies with the fans." She answered.

"How did that go?"

"It went well for a few seconds and then the security pulled me away to stay with the group. I got pushed a little bit but it's nothing to stress over. The Manager scolded me for trying to wander off." She chuckled nervously. "One day I think the manager is going to tell me I can't have my favorite food anymore if I keep doing that. But I'm just thankful for the fans that come to see us, but please stay safe."

"Yes, it's very dangerous."

"Whose Chinese has improved the most?" PD asked.

V stood up. "It should be me." He answered confidently. He decided to introduce himself in Chinese while Suga pressed on to make him say something else in Chinese. Out of nowhere, V started saying random Chinese words.

After his shenanigans, Rap Monster pointed out that V and J-Hope had been studying their Chinese.

"Is there any Chinese you want to learn?" PD asked.

"Pretty." V called out.

"I want to learn to express my feelings to the fans in Chinese," J-Hope said

"'Shuai' means very handsome to a guy." The PD informed.

"Ooh, then I'll use that if the male fans approach me. Shuai." Jennie said the Chinese word a couple of times, getting used to the word.

"Let me teach you how to say 'Chinese ARMY is very cute'." As the PD demonstrated they repeated it multiple times. "Last question! What do you look forward to in tomorrow's performance? What kind of performance do you want to show the fans?"

"It's our first time performing Boy in Luv, in China," Rapmon answered.

"It's also our first time overseas," Suga added.

"Our first performance and we're only performing one song. We'll use this song to mesmerize all of the fans!"

"We want to show everyone our charms." J-Hope beamed.

"We want to show our charms to the Chinese fans." Suga continued.

'Unique charms that only belong to BTS!'

"Our strong dance in our performance is also very charming." Rap Monster guaranteed. "We must show that to our overseas fans. It's a pity if we only perform it in Korea. Tomorrow's performance..."

"Please look forward to it~" They shout and applaud.

------

'Bangtan Dorms'

'If you thought BTS's first day in Beijing ends like this, then you're wrong because we have special VJs'

Jennie headed back to the hotel room with snacks from the snack machine, only to catch Jimin shouting, "Received the newcomer award!"

"Newcomer award! BTS!" Rapmon announced as V dropped his jaw.

"Oh, my God! Really!? OH really!?" He shouted in English while Jennie slowly walked in, deadpanning at V while the guys laughed. "Chinese ARMY I love you!" He made a heart before getting kicked in the butt by Jennie. Getting back to his feet after getting kicked, he giggled, "Hi, Ennie!"

"BTS!" Jimin announced, turning to Rapmon. Suddenly falls back on the bed, making a loud scream as he started freaking out. His sudden outburst made Jennie laugh out loud as she watched him jump on the bed.

Jimin turned to Suga as he stood up and clapped, calmly, after he was asked what he would do if they won. "He's pretending to be reserved but inside he's totally..." J-Hope trailed off.

"But we didn't!" V shouted and Suga ended up fake crying. "The award did not go to Bangtan!"

"He's crying. His acting looks so real!"

"We got the award!" Jimin shouted and J-Hope ended up making an ugly face as he fake cried.

"I brought some snacks, here you go." She handed them the bagful of snacks.

"Jennie, Jennie, what would you say if we won the newcomer award?" Jimin asked. "And the award goes to...BTS!"

She started sniffing and covered her mouth. "I-I need a moment..." She turned around before she turned back around, screaming, "WOO HOO~ WE DID IT! WOOOOOOOO! UH HUH! UH HUH! WE DID IT! YIPPY! WEEEEEEEEE! AHHHHHHH!" She managed to do a cartwheel in the room.

Loud noises of laughter were heard as the guys continued to watch her goof around with them.

----

The next morning, around 8:00 AM, Jennie was awake and getting her hair styled in the dorm.

"Munchkin~ hello!" J-Hope greeted her in Chinese.

"Hello!" She greeted him back in Chinese.

"How did you sleep?"

"I slept well. I'm ready for today, very excited."

"Good, good. Let's move on to see where the rest of the guys are doing." J-Hope migrated to another room.

Later, they arrived at the MasterCard Center and headed backstage to the waiting room to get ready. Jennie wore a black dress while the rest of the guys wore their black tuxes. She wore her name tag and got the finishing touches on her hair and lips.

"Do I look okay? I hope I do. I don't look crazy, do I?" She giggled to the camera. "Ah...don't let me trip on this long dress." She gestured to the length, while her hair was in a bun with curls on each side.

After walking out to the red carpet, looking sharp, and receiving a warm welcome from the fans, they end up winning the Rookie Award during the show. As soon as she heard that they won the award, Jennie fist pumped out of excitement

'Beijing Fansign'

More than 200 fans attended the fan sign. Once they finally filled up the seats, it was finally time for them to walk out. One by one each member walked out as the fans screamed loudly.

Jennie sat in between Suga and V, amazed at the turnout. She wore a red jacket, a white shirt under it, a black bow tie, with black pants, like the rest of the members' outfits but with a girly touch.

"Ni hao!" She greeted over the loud screams and cheers.

Once the fan sign started, the fans came by and she quickly signed the autographs, greeting the fans politely in English and Chinese.

Watching a young Chinese girl approach her, Jennie happily said, "Hi!" while having a sweet smile on her face.

The girl looked timid as she stood in front of her. She sounded uncertain as she began to speak in broken English, "Hello, Jennie. I learnt English to be with you."

Astonished, Jen held the girl's hands. "Wow, you're learning English, just to talk to me? Thank you, so much. That makes me very happy."

"Happy? I happy, too."

Jen continued meeting a variety of fans, but the one person who touched her the most was when a young woman approached her and spoke in fluent English.

"Jennie! I'm President of your fan club in China, helping our Chinese fans to learn English, just to talk to you."

"N-no way! Seriously?"

"Yep! We have a lot of members, so far. We're delighted that we finally get to meet you!"

"Gosh, I wasn't prepared to begin crying, today." She exclaimed as she wiped the tears of joy that were in her eyes.

'It's time to give back to the fans'

"We have a few questions to discuss with Bangtan. You guys are the first Korean artist to hold a fan sign in mainland China. How do you feel about being first?" The MC asked.

"Honored. Like, wow. Words can't explain how thankful we are to be able to do this." Jen answered in a bright tone. "I found out there are some ARMYs who are learning English to speak to me, I'm overwhelmed with joy."

"We are able to get close with the fans during a fan sign so it feels really good." Rap Monster added. "But it's a bit regretful that we couldn't get to talk more with everyone. We feel very honored to be able to have a fan sign like this. We are excited to be able to meet everyone up close."

"Your great performance at yesterday's Yinyuetai V Chart Awards Show, and you even won an award. We saw Bangtan also posted their own photos. I want to ask, is our award still well?" The MC asked

"Yes, we kept it very well. We will keep it well after we return to Korea." Suga answered.

"Our Chinese fans came up with very cute nicknames. Let's say leader's nickname first okay?" The MC turned to the crowd. "What is leader's nickname?" She heard them shout it out. 

"Rap Monster's nickname is La Meng." Which meant Rap Mon.

"What is Jin's nickname?"

"Princess!"

Laughing out loud at Jin's nickname, Jen, along with the rest of the members teases him while Jin covered his mouth.

"What is Suga's nickname?"

"Tang Tang!"

"What is J-Hope's nickname?"

"Hope!"

"Now what about Jimin's?

"Ji Mi Hua!"

"Jimihua is a type of food made with chicken." The MC explained. "Now what is V's nickname?"

"Tai! Tai!"

"A cute way to say Tae is Tai Tai." The MC added. "Now what is our maknae Jungkook's nickname?"

"Guo Guo!"

"Lastly, what is Miss Bangtan's nickname?"

"Airen!" They shout, calling her sweetheart.

Sweetheart?

What a cute nickname.

Hearing the fans shout it out caused Jen's face to heat up, covering her face, shyly. The fans thought it was cute and continued to cheer.

"Xiexie! Wo ai ni!" She waved at them.

"After this interaction, we will start today's intimate event. From the 200 fans at the fan sign, we will pick two lucky winners to take a picture with them onstage. And by request of Jennie, receive a hug from her." The MC said. After the guys play rock paper scissors, V won and chose the

lucky number and then Jin chose the next number.

The first fan headed to the stage greeted them shyly and posed for the group photo. After the picture, Jennie hopped off the stage and circled her arms around the girl, pulling her in for a warm hug. The fan began to act giddy in her arms. After she pulled away, the girl held her heart, still in shock.

"Jennie, you give warm hugs." She mentioned in a bubbly voice.

"Awe, really? I'm flattered." She smiled at the girl and made her way back to her seat. After she hugged the next lucky winner, the MC said her closing remarks.

"I know we feel reluctant to part with Bangtan Boys and the Bangtan Girl. Everyone must remember to go to Yinyuetai, Yinyue V Chart and vote for them. Also, you must go to our site to buy their album to support BTS. We'll see each other again at our next fan sign. Bye bye!" The MC closed the show.

[monstrousdanger]

Yeeesss someone said the thing.

Okay I used to be a teacher before I had to take leave due to medical reasons. Basically, I no longer have the ability to run around all day like I used to. I worked primarily with grades 4 - 8 (Canada).

I loved teaching, it was an awesome place to be, especially in GSA meetings. Despite being the new young teacher at the time, I volunteered to help with my school's GSA and then ended up taking it on when the supervising teacher retired. We would have a lot of afternoons just knitting mostly and talking about TV or movies. GSA at the elementary level (Canada) is pretty well just about providing a safe space for LGBTQIA+ kids and their ally friends. We were not brainwashing kids, mutilating their genitals, or convincing them to switch gender presentation. Yes, I feel the need to add that based on what I'm reading in the news. It was more talking about looking at media critically, learning best research practices, and how to be a supportive role model and leader for younger students. Most of the time our conversations centered around bullying - inside and outside of the schoolhouse - and how to advocated for yourself and reach out for help.

There was one alarming conversation during this era. I won't get into the nitty gritty because its not my place, but it centered around a student feeling uncomfortable being themselves at home for various reasons. This made ME uncomfortable to hear these stories, so I reached out to my supervisor for fear the child was abused at home. I was super lucky to have a kick ass principal and vice principal who did more of the investigation since I wasn't this students homeroom teacher and therefore didn't have a relationship with the parents. It turned out we sadly needed to report the incident, fearing for the child's safety.

When a teacher receives confidential information that a student is in danger or is a danger to themselves or others, we have to report to a supervisor, address the parents, and, in extreme cases, contact child protective services. Teachers don't have a choice, this is the law. If we do not fulfill our obligation to report a child in danger, we are charged with negligence in the event of injury or death.

Therefore, when a student asks for a pronoun change without supporting paperwork from home or they come to a colleague or myself - as a teacher I have to ask why? Why me? Why not whoever is at home? Sometimes the answer is they have no one else. They don't feel safe disclosing at home, but school is neutral ground. Maybe its easier to try out labels, names, and pronouns that may (or may not) be a good fit. Maybe its because they know they won't be left out on the street. But thats the thing, teachers can only play so much detective. We will never know what a child truly faces at home. We don't know when a little old fashioned turns into abuse - but we can sure get enough clues along the way.

When parents and teachers complain its a phase, I laugh. The term is individuation. Every human goes through it at multiple stages of their life. Its about figuring out who YOU are. Not who other people want you to believe. So sure, try out names and pronouns in a safe space. But if you're a parent and can't figure out why your child doesn't feel safe doing that around you, take some time to do critical research. Start by first learning about child psychology written by ACTUAL psychologists. Talk to your child's teachers and support staff. When you feel like you got all your ducks in a row, listen to your child. Don't talk. Listen. You will be all the more informed for it.

[popowerst]

What am I celebrating on Father's Day?

Thanks for covering some of my living expenses while I lived with you.

Thanks for making sure I always had something to eat and clean water to drink.

Thanks for providing a room for me in your home.

Thanks for the the anxiety and depression.

Thanks for what is probably ADHD. Thanks for telling me you suspected you had it too, but only when it got so bad I started talking to my doctor about it. I was 25 years old.

Thanks for the child abuse. Thanks for hitting me, locking me out of the house, and throwing my books at me. Thanks for throwing open my door and screaming at me at random times of the day any time to scare me.

Thanks for being emotionally unavailable. Whenever Mom and I would get into an argument, she would always threaten me "just wait until you dad gets home." Not because you would mediate between the two of us, find common ground, and help us reach a compromise. No. You would come into my room, tell me to stop arguing with my mother, she's right and I'm the kid so I need to listen to her, you would ground me for weeks for having an argument in the first place.

By the way, thanks for pushing me so hard academically. I did really well in school, so it'll be funny if I find out I really did have ADHD all this time. You used to ground me if I left the honor roll list, or brought home so much as a C average in any class until around my Junior year of high school or so. I love when y'all were still treating me like I didn't understand anything when I started taking college-level courses in 10th grade. Somehow I was able to keep a part-time job- because I had to in order to pay my bills- and take 6 AP classes my senior year and still managed to stay on honor roll. Were you proud of me? You certainly didn't show it if you were. At least you came to graduation? You are the participation award of fathers.

You never even wanted to participate in my hobbies. My very few extracurriculars. I could probably count on one hand the number of plays you came to see. You didn't care- you weren't interested. It had nothing to do with supporting me, it would be boring to you so you wouldn't go.

Thanks for making me stay as quiet as possible while at home. Couldn't even practice my recorder in elementary school because it was "too loud." Yet you would watch movies in the living room with the bass booming.

Thank you for making me start working during the summer when I was in high school. I really appreciate the leg up it gave me work-ethic wise over my peers, and who wouldn't want a part-time job at a pizza place? What I didn't like was how you both then started pushing bills on to me when I should've been saving for college- which you never helped with. Picking up something like my phone bill was fine and a good way to teach responsible money habits.

But then you started charging me rent. A third of the total house expenses as a matter of fact. $500 a month, for: one 10 x 10 bedroom, right next to yours, that I was constantly berated for being too loud in, with a shared bathroom. The living room was for you guys. The other two bedrooms and the converted garage connected to the laundry room with the half bath were all used for storage, because you and Mom are both hoarders. You also put me in charge of my own food purchases, to be kept in a mini fridge in my bedroom. There was no room in the fridge or freezer- you keep it loaded with junk. I also had limited kitchen access, not that I knew how to cook anyway. Thank God I had been staying at my girlfriend's place and her mom took pity on me- she allowed me to store frozen foods in their freezer, where they somehow made enough space for me to keep a few things, despite having twice as many people in the house. They also helped me afford a car. And a lot of other important things. I married her daughter. It ended up being one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I am not a materialistic person, so I don't hold this as much against you as much I am just generally appreciative of them, but you weren't financially prepared to raise a child, were you? There were no savings. No help. I was supposed to go out into the world and start from scratch at the age of 17. Full time job and full time student balanced right out of high school. That's cool and all. But that doesn't strike me as something a loving, caring, thoughtful father would do. No, you opened up a joint account with your crusty bank because I almost traveled across the country to go to college, and when I was out of town and the rent was due, you sent me a text saying you knew I could pay it because you checked my account and I had enough. You transferred the money without asking when I was hundreds of miles from home, and all I can say is I'm grateful my best friend's parents were generous and kind to me, because I'm not sure how I would've gotten food that week without them.

I think about you a lot. I want to forgive you. I'm sure you feel these emotions too. You don't understand how to express them. Your generation looked down upon people who need therapy. I know you have unresolved trauma that nobody else knows about but mom and my grandmother. I know your dad left you at a young age. He's shitty and I know life was harder for you as a result. Honestly sometimes seeing how he turned out makes me wonder whether that was for better or worse. The boyfriend that came after him was pretty bad too. From what I've heard, he was just straight up abusive and I can only imagine the effect that had on you. Either way you deserved to have a father figure. Is it selfish for me to say that?

Thanks for keeping my sister a secret from me for years. I still don't know her name. Maybe I'll meet her someday. Mom was the one that ended up telling me about her- I think she still resents that you gave another woman a child years before her, doubly so because of the following miscarriages. Good on you for paying child support. However, this is where I really get upset.

Did you really not have enough self awareness to realize the damage that you can cause by putting a woman and a child in that kind of position? I would think that you, out of all people, would understand the kinds of difficulties that a father walking out of a family would cause. You idiot. Are you absolutely clueless? How could you live your whole life, feel all the ways that you do, meet a woman, get her pregnant, and think that the right role model to follow in this instance was your father? Did you learn nothing?

But coming at you from this angle won't help at all. This would just make you upset. You shut down, stop listening. You want the patience that you never gave.

I think that you once thought I hated you or that I wanted you dead. That's not true. I love you. Deep down I want to have a relationship with you. I mourn the lack of connection and that's why it's so sour when I see you for a couple of hours every few months. Seeing you is like seeing a grumpy old friend. You don't text, you don't call. You do not know how to make someone feel loved. You never learned that skill.

It's agonizing to have to sit and pretend that everything is okay. It's very damaging to my mental health. But how do I even begin to talk about any of this with you? Again you have no communication skills. I have just begun to develop my own, and I had to do it independently of you. Unfortunately Mom didn't help much either. She's another story entirely.

I feel guilty that I even have these feelings about you. Some people don't even know their dads. A lot of people have it way worse than me. I'm just complaining. But I deserve to complain every once in a while.

I don't know where to go from here. Every time I see you, I have to look you in the eye and act like everything is okay. I keep hoping one of these days I'll get a call from you. A text message. Maybe you'll find my email address somewhere. I want you to open up this conversation. I don't know how to bring it up. Maybe I'll figure it out in therapy. Haven't told y'all that I mostly talk about you when I go.

I remember when I told you I started going. The only thing you said was "therapy's really expensive." And you're right, it is. But this cycle of generational trauma stops with me. You always told me I knew better, that I was too smart to be lazy and I wasn't applying myself. Well here you go. I used my resources to figure out why all the men in my family are awful people, develop the skills necessary to balance those weaknesses, and lay plans for the future that include financial stability, effective communication, mutual respect, and loving my family so much that nobody can deny it.

If you get your act together, I might let you meet your grandkids. Happy Father's Day.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

weird, m | ksj

pairing(s): seokjin x reader

summary: Your roommate and best friend, Kim Seokjin, forgot to double-check the autofill information and shipped his package from the online sex shop with your name on it. Naturally, this ends with you tying him up and sucking his dick, and him tying you up with you riding him like a wild animal. Wait, what?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; friends with benefits; crack (sorry, I can't be serious for more than two seconds when writing Seokjin); yes, reader usually fucks younger dudes XD; smut (fem reader, D/s dynamics (both switches), bondage, m-receiving oral, thigh riding, cowgirl, spanking); non-idol!BTS - just two best friends fucking for sexual exploration, don't mind them

technically a prequel to love roulette, m | myg yes, this is the explanation to that mysterious package, but is it really an explanation or rather an excuse to fuck WWH, you decide

--

“Seokjin, can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

When Kim Seokjin looked at you, it was a bit like looking into the eyes someone much younger than you even though he wasn’t. He had that youth about him, the ‘here’s-to-never-growing-up’ sparkle in his large brown eyes, complete with parted lips in a small ‘o’ and, alright, yes, his Nintendo Switch in his hands.

“A long time ago, I asked you which way you think you lean, more dominant or more submissive, no?”

His handsome face flushed pink, slowly scooting away from you.

“Er… yeah, I remember…”

“What?”

“Huh?”

You poked him and he squeaked, slapping a hand over his side even though he was wearing a brown sweatshirt. Seokjin was always cold, even during the summer.

Your best friend was an odd character.

You chuckled. “Why are you being so awkward? I thought we were over this phase.”

Well, he should be. You had known Seokjin since elementary school and seen him, er, date was a strong word for what you both were doing in middle and high school, more like being bumbling messes and walking in on each other bonking classmates, but, hey, what mattered is that you both got better at it over the years.

It being sex.

Not romance.

You both still had only sketchy ideas about what romance was supposed to be.

“We are,” your best friend coughed, clearing his throat for absolutely no reason. “We are, I just…”

“Used my name for purchasing goods from an online sex shop?”

He choked and nearly flung his Switch. You caught it, swiftly placing it on the coffee table as you procured the cardboard box from behind your back, already open, address and name circled in thick black permanent marker on the rather inconspicuous package.

“W-What, that’s absurd, why would I ever–?”

You hummed pleasantly, sweeping the box away from his lanky limbs and his flailing hands. For someone who didn’t purchase goods from an online sex shop, he sure was interested in getting the box. He tumbled into your lap, and quickly scrambled back, black hair suddenly fluffed and wild from the movement.

“Something tells me you didn’t check the autocomplete form before clicking submit.”

You saw Seokjin choke on air.

He jerked away from you and fumbled with his phone beside him. You peeked over his broad shoulder and saw that he was scrolling through his emails like a madman, except Seokjin had a bad habit of never deleting any. He had maybe fifteen thousand unread emails to sort though.

“You don’t have to check. I am sure I didn’t order red cotton bondage rope and a leather flogger.”

Seokjin whipped his head around, face redder than a tomato, looking halfway between fainting and screaming.

You raised an eyebrow. “Is it for you or a mysterious imaginary girl that you’re dating?”

Now your best friend seemed to be contemplating holding his own breath until he passed out to avoid your questioning.

“I-It’s not for me!”

“Oooh, then who? You’re not an internet hookup kind of guy though… unless she was dumb enough to put her full name as her username, then she’s too airheaded to be a catfish–”

Seokjin flapped his hands, smacking you in your pajama-covered chest, sputtering. “No one! There’s no one! I just…!”

You caught one of his wrists, raising an eyebrow.

“Just?”

He froze.

Silence.

“… Seokjin?”

You left go of his hand. It stayed there, frozen in the air.

Ah, it seemed as if his soul left his body.

Rest in peace Kim Seokjin. You were the handsomest best friend one could ask for.

You prodded him in the side again and Seokjin doubled over, trying to cover his face with the large sleeves of his sweatshirt, long legs in black sweatpants curling up as if he could cocoon himself away from the conversation.

“Seokjin, you can be interested in whatever you want,” you snickered, placing the package next to his fetal positioned body. “I simply thought it was funny that you accidentally used my name. Although I wouldn’t use that flogger on a real person, only for posing in pictures. In any case, have fun being freaky by yourself and not for some mysterious woman you refuse to tell me about.”

You stood up, about to leave and give your best friend some space. You shouldn’t go too far teasing him after all.

“What do you mean?”

You stopped, looking back. Seokjin’s large brown eyes were peeking out of his splayed fingers, shifting awkwardly when you made eye contact. He cleared his throat. He was doing that a lot for someone who seemed perfectly healthy ten minutes ago, shrieking at himself for missing the ledge in his game and dying.

It had seemed like a good time to interrupt and embarrass him so you could save your eardrums.

He coughed and pointed to the box. “About the… um… whip… thingmabob…”

You cocked an eyebrow. “Isn’t it obvious?”

You marched over and opened the box, making Seokjin jolt and cover his red ears instinctively, but you ignored him, pulling out the black pleather flogger you had already unwrapped from the plastic – purely from thinking it was your own package, by the way, no other reason, surely not because you were mildly curious about what your best friend was into, nope – and you slapped the short three tails into your hand, wincing.

“This kind of cheap material is too plastic-like. If you use this on bare skin and hit too hard, you’re going to cut someone and I know you’re squeamish around blood, unless you secretly have a blood fetish too and have been a really good actor all this time–”

“How do you know that?”

You blinked at his question.

“What?”

Seokjin sat up, giving you a confused pout. “Why do you know something like that?”

Now it was your turn to shift your eyes around.

“Uh…”

Er… how to tell your best friend that the younger guy you were casually fucking for the past couple of weeks was, ah, rather knowledgeable about certain things, was, um, interested in teaching, uh, yeah, teaching…

Seokjin squinted at you suspiciously. “Is it that idol trainee that was here two nights ago when I was out drinking with Hose–”

You waved your hands very quickly, tossing the flog aside carelessly and slapping your thigh to silence Seokjin and his far too invasive questions. “Look. I just don’t want you to hurt anybody on accident, okay? Your rope choice was good though. You should always use an organic material for shibari, cotton, hemp, linen if you’re rich, but you’re a cheapskate, so–”

Your best friend narrowed his eyes into slits. “How much younger is that guy compared to you again? Hm? And what was his name? Ye–”

You slapped a hand over Seokjin’s mouth, smiling sweetly and dangerously, reaching into the box and pulling out the red cotton rope.

“I know a lot of knots now and I can tie a noose just for you, Seokjinnie.”

Your best friend, rightfully so, looked terrified.

“Now. Let’s talk about you, okay? Okay.”

You removed your hand and held onto the rope.

Seokjin gulped, but then shook his head vigorously, frowning. “What did you call it?” He was already moving past your death threat. Smart man.

“Call what?”

“Shi-something?”

“Shibari? Japanese rope tying?” You lifted the cotton cord in your hand. “Is that not what this is for?”

Seokjin blinked very rapidly.

You blinked back at him. Then it dawned onto you. “The diamond-y rope patterns where they’re all tied up and stuff.”

“Ah! Yeah! That!”

“You want that done to you?”

Seokjin jerked to one side. “What? No! To someone else. Maybe. No. What?”

You slowly placed the rope on his lap and scooted away.

“Uh… huh. Okay. Enjoy.”

“Wait,” he blurted.

“What?”

“CanIpracticeonyou?”

“Can you WHAT?” you echoed shrilly.

“Right, yeah, okay, never mind–”

-

“Seokjin.”

Your best friend choked on his own toothbrush and threw himself into the bathroom wall, colliding into the towel bar and howling in pain while simultaneously hacking up a lung.

“I’ve decided I am going to teach you some simple knots to prevent me from having to pick your naked ass up from the police station or hospital,” you said calmly as Seokjin half-died on the floor tangled in your mint green and his navy-blue bath towels. “And because I don’t want to have to cut some poor girl off your bedframe because you’ve blacked out running onto your door trying to find me.”

“I’ve never–” he wheezed.

“But you will if I don’t take precautions,” you cut in, grabbing your purple toothbrush and putting toothpaste on it as Seokjin attempted to collect himself off the ground. “Like that one time you ran into the window when that wasp was in the apartment.”

“That was a fucking wasp, you freaked out too!”

You started brushing your teeth. “Yeah, but I didn’t knock myself out and wake up with a fat bump on my forehead. That was you,” you gargled.

“Ack…”

“Anyway, I know a few things and I figured I would do a good deed and enlighten you.”

“Who taught you? Was it Ye–”

You jabbed Seokjin forcefully in the ribs and he immediately shut up because he choked on his toothbrush again.

-

“Why do you have scissors?”

“For cutting the rope.”

“Yeah, but why are they so big?”

“That’s what she said.”

Seokjin narrowed his eyes. “I hate you.”

“Cool, now I’m gonna tie you up. Give me your hands.”

You unwound the end from the bolt and frowned, nudging his knee with yours. You were both sitting on his bed, him cross legged and you on your knees because he was wearing black sweatpants and you were wearing no pants, just your usual large lavender pajama shirt with a pattern of yellow stars.

“Take off your sweatshirt. It’ll get in the way.”

“But I’m cold.”

“You won’t be because apparently this shit turns you on,” you snickered.

“Shut up, it does not. It’s the other way around,” Seokjin grumbled, yanking his chocolate brown sweatshirt over his head.

You paused.

“I thought you were more sub.”

Seokjin froze, head half-out of his sweatshirt. You waited. He didn’t move. You waited some more. He coughed and chucked the article of clothing aside, yanking his white t-shirt down and smoothing his hair, not looking at you.

You waited.

He smoothed his hair for a full two minutes.

“Um, anyway–”

You planted a hand on his knee and Seokjin tried to chop your hand away, only for you to snatch his wrist, so his other hand came up to stop you, but you wound the end of the rope around his wrist and bounced off his mattress, pinning your knees on top of his knees and making him squeak as he tumbled back into his pillows, bringing you with him. You had to jerk your head out of the way to avoid collision.

“My nuts!”

“I didn’t hit your precious nuts, you numbsku–”

Hang on.

You locked eyes with Seokjin under you, who gawked back at you, absolutely terrified.

“… You are still a sub.”

Seokjin winced. “Ugh, it’s just… I’m getting older, alright? I can change my mind…”

You could get off him. You could let it be. You totally could.

But were you going to?

No.

You straddled his abdomen and brought his hands to his chest with a big grin. Seokjin’s eyes turned into giant brown saucers. He looked ready to pass out and not from your weight because you weren’t putting much weight on him.

“W-W-What are y-you d-doing?!” he shrieked.

You rapped him in the forehead. “Teaching. Pay attention. Hands up.”

“You aren’t taking your rings off?”

He was referring to the three silver rings you wore on a daily basis – an onyx stone on your left middle finger, a goat-head shaped ring on your right thumb, and a skull with a jester hat on your right ring finger.

You raised an eyebrow. “Why do I need to take them off?”

He lifted his hands and gave you an exaggerated shrug in between your thighs. Come to think of it, Seokjin had a rather broad chest so you had to spread your legs pretty wide to accommodate and hover over him.

Precarious.

“Ah, perfect.”

Your best friend yelped as you wrapped the rope around his wrists, leaving the end sticking out between them, first focusing on loosely binding. He tried to break away, but you harshly squeezed his sides with your thighs, narrowing your eyes.

“Stop squirming.”

He froze at your cold tone, shifting his eyes awkwardly.

“Watch. Now.”

His eyes immediately snapped to your hands.

“Wrists together.” You nudged them so the inner parts of the wrists were touching. “A little space in the center,” you added, looping out the end of the rope. “I’m just teaching you how I learned it, there are a few ways, but the details are important so you don’t prevent loss of circulation,” you added seriously, waiting for him to nod before continuing. “So, wind it around a couple times, but don’t overlap. Four or five?”

“But I can still get out.”

You glared at him. Seokjin shut up and jammed his plush pink lips together, shaking his head rapidly as if to say, who me? I wasn’t talking!

“Turn it ninety degrees like this,” you demonstrated. “And start going perpendicular to and in between the wrists to create the binding. Line up each coil side by side. Mind the starting end here. Then…” You reached for the scissors and snipped the excess away, dropping the rope and scissors beside you on the bed. “You tie it off on the outside. I use a square knot, so this end over this end, and then retie it the opposite way. Try to break free.”

Seokjin frowned at the red rope around his wrists, twisting it this way and that, squirming underneath your legs. You put your hands on your waist triumphantly, nodding to yourself in pride. You did a good job! It looked neat and it was inescapable without tightening on any blood vessels to cause any dangerous loss of circulation.

Hang on.

Seokjin froze.

You froze.

You both looked down.

You smacked him in the cheek.

“Ow!”

“What are you looking there for?!”

“Why did you hit me? Why do you always resort to violence?!” Seokjin accused, jabbing you underneath your breasts with his bound hands. “What is going on down there?”

“Nothing! Stop moving!”

“No!”

“You–”

You closed your thighs around Seokjin’s waist and sat down on him, causing him to gasp, wind knocked out of him as his diaphragm was pushed up into his lungs, struggling with the rope between his wrists and resorting to slamming them down on the bed above his head. You growled as you towered over him. He started yelling, as he always did.

“Yah!”

You slapped your free hand over his mouth.

“Silence.”

He glared at you behind your palm, breathing hard. You sat on top of him, breathing just as hard. He was bigger, strong, yes, but not in the position of power and – being honest, after all – your best friend was never really out to fight you and win. He was more of a ‘I’m-going-to-be-stupidly-annoying-until-you-do-what-I-want’ type, which made him rather childish in some ways. You were more of the ‘I’m-gonna-beat-your-ass’ type.

In conclusion, it was a healthy friendship.

Seokjin started licking your palm and making crazy eyes at you.

Your eye twitched.

“Stop it.”

Unsurprisingly, he did not, in fact, stop it.

“I said, stop it.”

And you slid down, past the wet spot now on his t-shirt, planting your soaked panties on top of his crotch, grinding down, and, yup, Seokjin bucked and yelped, immediately stopping and seizing up as if he could hide the massive erection that you had been willing to ignore but he was being a little – nah, actually, an extra-large, supersized – shit and it was getting on your last nerve, so what better way to resolve a wordless argument (on his part, heh) then humping his hard-on?

You removed your hand and Seokjin had a brief moment to gasp your name before you slid the pads of your fingers onto his tongue, rubbing it roughly and making his eyes nearly bulge out of his head.

“I told you to stop, but you aren’t listening,” you snarled.

Seokjin whimpered, brown orbs glassy, pupils blown out.

You stilled.

Hold on a second.

You had a brief epiphany where you realized you were grinding on your best friend’s dick with him tied up and you were wetter than the Yellow Sea. This wasn’t some guy you picked up at the night market that won you that sleeping Pikachu at the claw machines, only to chat him up and end up with bed with a guy who was – ack, never mind his age – anyway, this was your best friend.

Kim Seokjin.

Oh shit, I’ve gone too far.

You let go, backing up. “S… Sorry, I–”

But then Seokjin’s plush lips closed around your fingers, sucking hard and you choked slightly, feeling his hips roll and the tip of his clothed erection hit your covered clit. He was glaring at you. You gasped as his teeth gently but firmly caught your two fingers. It did hurt, but only a little. Mostly it sent a rush of rather uncomfortable and mind-boggling arousal racing from your knuckles to your core, drenching your panties further.

“Don’t stop,” he mumbled around your fingers.

Don’t stop?

DON’T STOP?

His teeth let go, panting, staring into your eyes.

“Don’t make this weird,” Seokjin muttered, shifting his gaze. “Don’t make this weird, okay?”

His brown eyes flickered back to you. His bound hands were still over his head, black hair flaring out of his pillows, white t-shirt messed up, still trapped between your thighs. You paused, fingers slipping out of his lips, the pads trailing on his lower lip, turning it glossy with his saliva.

Your heart was racing fast.

He furrowed his dark brows and, for the first time, his serious expression made you think that perhaps, maybe, there was a side of him down there, the other side to the coin.

“I just…” Seokjin exhaled slowly, not looking away from you. “I trust you to do this. You’re capable and knowledgeable. I know you are. Word gets around with your, er, habits with younger guys…”

You felt your cheeks heat and you scratched your head awkwardly.

“Anyway, it’s fine if you wanna… er… get off. With me. Because I’m so handsome and all.”

You were thiiiiiiis close to leaving out of sheer embarrassment that instantly dissipated at Seokjin’s sudden unexpected self-compliment. Instead, your eye twitched and you squinted in annoyance.

Seokjin coughed, ears singeing bright red. “Unless you can’t, of course. Because it’s easy to fall in love with me, and that would be very bad considering I don’t want to marry you–”

“I don’t want to marry you either,” you snapped. “You’re ugly.”

Seokjin gasped dramatically, highly offended. “How dare you–!”

He abruptly sat up and you twisted back, only for his arms to swing over your head and sandwich you between his tied wrists and his chest, ramming you back onto his lap and his hard dick. You hissed and bit down your moan, not willing to admit it was mildly turning you on, because of course neither you or Seokjin hated each other – only in that classic way best friends hate and love each other at the same time – and, yeah, sure, you could admit Seokjin was handsome and cute and fun to be around, but he wasn’t the one, not that you knew what the one was supposed to feel like or knew if you would ever feel such an intense, romantic love, but you had this strange idea that the one for you would be someone who could understand you on a different level, and you didn’t have that with Seokjin even if you did talk all the time. You were quite sure the feeling was mutual and now, looking into his brown eyes with a scowl, you saw that the feeling was indeed mutual.

Also, Seokjin was an immature shithead.

A loveable, worldwide handsome, immature shithead. Redeemable.

Still.

You were horny.

And Seokjin was horny.

You weren’t going to date Seokjin ever, but your best friend was hot as hell and you could definitely bang him without any regrets.

“Let’s fuck,” he breathed into your face.

You raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t make it weird.”

Don’t make it weird, yeah, okaaay dude–

Your thoughts were suddenly cut off when Seokjin kissed you.

His forearms closed in behind your back and he pressed his bound wrists into your shoulder blades, pushing you into his solid chest and his embrace, taking your breath away. He always had good hugs, even if they were just to comfort you when your favorite flavor of ice lollys stopped being stocked at your local grocery store – still tragic to this day – and even when he was clinging onto you like a howling monkey because a cockroach was in the bathroom and he was screaming at you to kill it and nearly blowing out your eardrums, even then…

Now.

You closed your legs in around his hips and rolled your crotch into him, suddenly kissing him back.

He gasped into your mouth, your eyes half-opening, him gazing back at you, long lashes and dark eyebrows and glowing tan skin, holy shit, your best friend was handsome as fuck, why did other men even try when Kim Seokjin existed?

“Are you falling in love with me because I’m so handsome?” Seokjin teased, nipping at your lower lip.

Your eye twitched. Oh, yes, that’s right, because you’re annoying.

You shoved him and he yelped, clutching your back as you both fell onto the bed with a flump! You slid out from under his arms, skin prickling at Seokjin’s involuntary whine at your departure. Don’t make this weird, yeah, okay, don’t turn me on this much, dumbass, you are reminding me of… You pushed the thought away.

You didn’t want to think about other people when the person you were touching was right in front of you.

“What are you – yah!”

You gripped the waistband of his sweatpants and yanked down, exposing his underwear – bright blue, nice, nice – and his clothed erection, leaning in, hot breath ghosting over it, Seokjin jerking his arms about because he seemed undecided on either if he wanted to see or not see, but you let him deal with that in his own time, lowering your mouth, tongue extended, fingers splayed over his hips, silver rings glinting in his bedroom lights.

“You look like a demon,” you heard from above you.

You planted your tongue on the spot where the head of his cock would be and soaked it with saliva.

“F-Fuck!”

That shut him up real quick.

Your eyes drifted up, lapping slowly, barely stimulating the sensitive head through his underwear, closing your lips around it so the fabric clung wetly to the taut skin underneath. His cock swelled and twitched under your mouth; the action was mirrored by Seokjin’s jaw. He was clenching it along with his hands balled into fists, gasping for breath.

“O-Oh, f-fuck…!”

You were beginning to get the hint with each passing second of working your tongue around his rapidly hardening cock. Seokjin had put himself in the sub category when you asked back then because he liked to things being done for him. It was less about the mental aspect and more of the physical acts of service in his case. However, he wasn’t very good at articulating what he wanted and thus the natural pattern of someone just doing it led to, ah, exhibit A.

You currently parting your lips and letting your tongue snake out, coating the length with saliva.

But.

You could see it in his eyes, that burning intensity.

Maybe part of it was because it was you. He probably didn’t have those butterfly jitters of trying to woo a stranger or the nervousness of looking bad in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. There was already a level of comfort – and the ability to readily shit-talk each other at any moment – and so Seokjin was free to relax, even if it was a bizarre situation of sexual discovery.

“Take it off,” he growled.

Your fingers creeped up his sides, hooking over his boxer briefs. Slow, deliberate, kissing up his length, on the tightrope, dominant in your control, submissive in the action, raising your head so Seokjin could lift his hips, feathering kisses on the exposed skin and making him hiss and shudder, eyelids fluttering, slipping into subservience a little.

At the end of the day, who killed the unwanted bugs in your shared apartment?

Yeah, you.

“Oh, f… fucking shit…”

You tilted your head and ran your tongue up and down the length, licking up the sides and circling around the thick head, bordering on frustratingly soft, switching to wet, sloppy kisses when his hands raised, making him pause, gazing down at you curiously and attentively, entranced by the action. You ducked down, tongue slurping around his balls, lifting his cock, kissing, sucking, eyes closing, tip of your wet muscle drawing zig-zag patterns that soft skin.

Seokjin moaned your name.

A shiver of electricity went up your spine.

Alright, fine, you were getting turned on.

You wrapped your lips around his balls and enveloped them both with your mouth.

“Whoa!”

You opened your eyes to see Seokjin staring wide-eyed at you, hands straight up to stare at you between his upper arms. You almost laughed at the hilarious triangular-looking pose, but your mouth was currently full, so you restrained yourself.

“That’s possible?! You can put both nuts in your mouth at the same time?!”

Uh.

Where you supposed to respond with your cheeks stuffed with his nutties?

You hummed casually in response.

“A-Ah…!”

Seokjin gasped at the vibrations and the movement of your tongue slapping all over them, short, rapid licks all over his skin, watching him with a cocked eyebrow, but he didn’t even notice, hands dropping and moaning to the ceiling, his eyes closing and savoring the hot wet warmth and the power of your mouth, shivering as your hand slowly stroked his length in time with your tongue.

You let him bask in it before detaching and swallowing his cock.

“Gah!”

Seokjiinie, you thought wryly, we gotta work on your repertoire of sex sounds.

You spied him looking down at you, so you paused around the swollen head and slid your tongue out, circling and wrapping around his length while sucking on the tip and rubbing the back of your tongue along the underside.

Seokjin made a bunch of weird croaking noises that were, strangely, rather attractive. Okay, you could admit it. You were kind of a sucker for your best friend in the most platonic way possible… while in the middle of sucking his dick.

What?

He was handsome!

You began to bob your head up and down, tongue and lips descending, taking him deep so you kissed the base of his cock, head buried in your throat, waiting for him to glance down at you, hazy brown orbs under lush lashes, and you would peek your tongue out and lap at his balls, interrupting the tightness, causing him to swear and jerk his hips up, urging you to keep consistent speed and pace, all the while watching every single movement of your tongue. You kept this irregular pace, slow, then fast, then slow again when he looked at you, then fast when the ecstasy was too much and he closed his eyes, over and over. You could see that a battle was being waged Seokjin’s pretty head, between wanting to observe the lewdness of you licking his balls with his hard cock buried in your throat while also desperately needing to get to the fuck off.

“You… bitch… suck me off properly, fuck…”

You raised all the way so only the head was in your mouth and sucked, rubbing up and around it, swirling all over, teasing the slit and soaking the sensitive skin, rutting it against the roof of your mouth and Seokjin groaned, pressing his head back into the pillows, black hair covering his eyes, fists pressed to his chest.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, please, let me cum!”

His hips rammed up and you dug your nails into them, wincing as the head hit the top of your throat and slid down, cutting off your air, and then he began to thrust erratically, the position, inability to use his hands as leverage, and your resistance not letting him set up a good rhythm. You had to force him back down, popping your mouth off, snarling.

“I’m gonna gag if you do that! You want me to vomit on your dick or what?”

But all of a sudden Seokjin sat up again, grabbing your pajama shirt and yanking you to him, saliva dripping down your chin and then it was on his chin, a messy, savage kiss, ravenous need in his actions, pulling you to him, close, closer, you twisting and then gasping as he pushed one of your thighs down, planting your soaked panties on the exposed part of his thigh.

“Ah, Seok–”

He attacked your lips again with a light growl, sparks shooting across your skin, his thigh rising and bouncing you both on the bed, his legs still tangled in his pants and underwear but the effect was undeniable.

Seokjin was making you ride his thigh.

Whoa.

He bit your lower lip and sucked hard, your eyes fluttering closed, hips rocking, heat turning hotter, wet turning wetter, your sticky, sweet juices clinging to his upper thigh, your own pressed against his saliva-covered cock, wrapping your arms around him, close, closer, you thrusting your tongue in his mouth and him moaning before he did the same to you, starting a tug of war, rubbing harder against his skin, his muscle tensing against your covered clit, friction and wetness everywhere, too many clothes and no eye contact, one of your hands slipping into his black locks and tilting his head, deepening the kiss and inhaling his exhale, shuddering at the erotic nature of the moment.

He mumbled your name against your lips, still clutching your pajamas, stars bunched in his hands, fingertips pressed into the curve of your breasts.

“Can I try the rope tying now?” Seokjin whispered, voice gravelly and low.

-

“Excuse me?”

There was a ripped-open condom wrapper sitting on the bed.

“What?”

Your pajama shirt, bra, and panties were on the floor, along with Seokjin’s shirt, sweatpants, and underwear.

“Why are you – gah!”

You sucked in a breath as you sank down on his cock. Fuck, it was tight, tight as you lowered yourself onto his hips, Seokjin gasping and clutching the long length of red cotton rope that you had carefully untied from his wrists. You had even taken the extra step to massage them afterward, not that he needed it because of your careful work – good job, past you – but he appreciated it all the same, because deep down Kim Seokjin was a prince.

“Oh my God, you’re so tight, shit, shit, shit…”

You neglected to tell your best friend that you were both low-key proud of and turned on by your own ability to take dick without much foreplay. That little edge of tightness added just the right amount of spice of pain that amplified to the pleasure.

Okay.

And yes, you felt a special kind of glee as you witnessed Seokjin’s stunned shock and near passed-out expression from being inside you.

You held out your wrists and grinned. “Go ahead. Tie me up.”

Seokjin gawked at you like you had three heads.

You squeezed your breasts together with your upper arms, tilting your head with a devilish grin.

“God, you’re so hot, but you look crazy,” he wheezed.

Your grin dropped and your eye twitched. “Is that supposed to be a compliment or…?”

Seokjin shrugged, and moved your hands so they were in the better position for him. Much to your annoyance, he didn’t elaborate.

“Um, let’s see, you left a bit out to use as a tie and…”

You began to rock your hips.

“H-Hey!”

The side of your lips curved upward. “What? We’re multitasking.”

“We–?” Seokjin choked, gritting his teeth as you pulsed around his hard length, rolling your hips gently, adjusting until you found a comfortable spot so the head hit you in just the right spot, ah, yes, right there, spreading your fingers out over his chest, leaning your forehead against his, not quite going full force but a slow, deliberate rhythm that wasn’t going to make either of you cum, but, damn, did it feel good.

Seokjin shuddered, gasping your name.

“Tie me up, Seokjin,” you murmured back, caressing his skin.

His eyes darted up, saturated with lust, searching your eyes, and you gazed back.

You could be a real jerk right now.

His hot exhale washed over your lips, a shudder of nervousness.

But this was your best friend, and he was trusting you.

You tilted your head and kissed him softly, flush against his plush lips.

“Come on,” you nudged his nose lightly. “Do it.”

You viewed him from under your lashes. He shivered. Almost.

He needed only one more little push.

“Want you, Seokjinnie,” you breathed against his skin, hints of need and desperation in your voice.

A small smile danced on his lips, staring into your eyes.

You might have fallen for him a little bit in that moment.

“Okay.”

He kissed the side of your mouth, a teasing little peck, and you smirked, turning your head so you wouldn’t break the image you had created for him, but he was already looking down, busily occupied with your wrists, so you drew back, focusing instead on riding him, closing your eyes. You built a leisurely, pleasurable pace, leaning forward a bit to rub your clit against the base of his cock, sighing contentedly at the way he filled you, a wonderful, thick, satisfying girth that you could get used to, other than the fact that most of the time Seokjin drove you up the wall, but, hey, maybe if both of you reached a certain age and you were still single, maybe you could marry your best friend solely for having accessible dick…

“Ah! Perfect.”

You cracked open one eye.

And tried not to burst out laughing.

“Erm… well…” you coughed, tugging at the rope a little. It looked messy and rather hideous, parts overlapping and twisting awkwardly, but he had the… basic idea? It wasn’t like you were going to do anything dumb anyway, so it was pretty good for a first time.

Seokjin frowned. “I don’t know how you did it so neatly…”

“You line up the coils next to each other – ah!”

He seemed to think that was good enough and grabbed handfuls of your ass, causing you to tip forward and brace your hands against his chest, gasping as his hips thrust up into you, abrupt pleasure blooming up your core, sudden squelch of wetness between your joined hips.

“Come on,” he grunted, clenching his jaw, tone getting deeper and more dangerous with each word. “I have to get off, and now.”

He smacked his hands down on your ass and you almost whimpered.

Almost.

Seokjin drew back a little, giving you a strange look.

“W… What?” you managed to get out.

He tilted his head. “Do you like that?”

You almost said, no, of course not, but you stopped yourself, looking down at the red rope tied around your wrists, heat flaring in your cheeks, ass stinging slightly from his slap.

His cock twitched inside you.

Your eyes flickered up to him. A sly smirk danced on your lips.

“Yeah. I like the things you do to me.”

You saw Seokjin pause, brown eyes widening a little, black hair over his forehead.

You pushed him down on the bed. He gasped, but he was used to it now, gripping your ass and tipping his head back as you began to really ride him, waving your hips to ram his cock into your pussy, not even noticing the moan seeping from your lips, fuck, it was good, fulfilling and deep, your bound hands on his chest, fingers spread out and nails digging into his skin a little, but Seokjin seemed to be into it, his own nails sinking into your ass, pushing you down with every descent, hitting you harder, rougher, intensifying the pleasure, building onto it. Hot breath, warm skin, joined hips, loud slaps, rocking bedframe, your breasts bouncing with each thrust, gazing at each other through half-lidded eyes, not quite seeing each other but drowning in the gratification, the roughness, gasping sharply as his open palm smacked down on your ass again, making it bounce and jiggle in his hands, your core and thighs squeezing tighter, witnessing his tight hiss of desire, mesmerized by your sound so he did it again, spanking the other cheek, and you did it again, whimper creeping out, arousal consuming his handsome features, intoxicated by your reaction to his action so he did it again and again, hard, stinging slaps as you rode his stiff, quivering cock harder and faster, fuck, Seokjin must be incredibly turned on because he was so fucking hard, just so incredibly sexy how hard he was right now, even the pain was nothing but an injection of added carnal pleasure, throwing your head back and sinking your nails into his skin, fucking him recklessly, forgetting about hiding your moans, who the fuck cared, not you and not him because Seokjin too was crying out, the sinful sound of sex echoing off his bedroom walls, except instead of you in your bedroom putting headphones on to drown him out, you were in his bedroom, doing it, fucking the daylights out of him.

Alright.

You could see why girls wanted to date your best friend now.

Seokjin was a loud dork, but he had a great dick.

“F-Fuck, Seokjin, fuck!”

He had a similar response, although it was more a choked garble of your name mixed with, “Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum, fuck!”

You must really be drunk on his dick because even that turned you on and tipped you over the edge.

Your thighs tensed and you moaned deeply, tucking your chin down and spreading your palms onto his pecs, wrists straining against the cotton rope, a rapid torrent of adrenaline soaring through you and then you smacked your ass down onto Seokjin’s crotch, whining as you came in vicious pulses of pleasure, clenching around his jerking length and you realized Seokjin was clutching your ass, pinning it down so you couldn’t move, shooting his release into the condom, so much that you felt his cock shudder and throb inside you, head buried in your deepest, most pleasurable spot, you feeling all of him and him feeling all of you.

Holy shit.

You almost saw stars.

“Hah… wow… I guess I can’t blame younger dudes for wanting this pussy…”

Your eyes weren’t open but your eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

“Shut up, Seokjin.”

-

“Come on, man! Look what you did!” Seokjin barked accusingly, pointing to his chest with red indents of your rings.

“Excuse me? I’m the one who has scratches and a bruised ass!”

“You’ve marred my beautiful skin! I should fine you!”

“Where’s that fuckin’ whip – get your naked ass back here, Kim Seokjin!”

-

Hm, well, maybe you would find your true love some other time. Maybe try gambling?

--

masterpost

[littleroaes]

Ohhhh I absolutely love how yn takes on the roll and let’s him lean on her. They’re so dependable but shy, it’s so sweet!

And flirty hyunjae! And he’s so soft and comfortable too. Love it when he finally finds the courage to open up about his worries.

Moments I’m saving:

“Who’s that?” Younghoon said, slightly too loud for your liking.

With a groan, you elbowed him in the ribs. “Shh…how would I know? Though... he does look better than that old dude who constantly yelled at those courtroom TV shows like he was the judge.”

I always love hoon in you fics lol

Younghoon grasped your arm, pulling you back into your own apartment.

“Don’t fall in love.”

noooo! Fiuufyifit that’s too real

The way I need a hoon in my life

And he would need to do this every other second lol

You gaped at him. “What? I don’t even know who he is.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But he’s tall. And broad. And has a nice nose. I know you. I know your type.”

Shit

Shit indeed, why he calling me out

Your friend narrowed his eyes in skepticism but he eventually nodded. “As long as you don’t bump into him tomorrow or something.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Of course. I won’t fall in love.”

Why do I keep loving this

You didn’t fall in love. You fell onto the floor.

Story of my life tbh

And you would have expected maybe one of those boy-next-door romantic moments where you would fall into his arms and start dating the next day. Oh, and also kiss and eventually get married. But no, you—

“Hyunjae?”

The man—Hyunjae—gaped at you with comically wide eyes. 

“Y/n,” He breathed out.

How did I forget what I was reading???

Completely forgot they knew each other from beforehand

Hyunjae, whom you’ve known since you were just young kids, has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. He used to be on the elementary school track team while you… were on the bleachers trying to tell the difference between subtraction and addition. But luckily, Hyunjae was both a smart and kind kid and so he had stopped in the middle of his running to sit with you and teach what your teacher couldn’t do properly.

We love a multitasker

That’s so cute I also want that

He was always one year older, always more mature and experienced. But he tended to throw that away just for you and join in on playing games with you when he should’ve been studying for an exam. But he did so to cheer you up. He was sweet like that and you adored spending your afternoons after school with him.

And you should have been mad—no, furious to see him again. You should have pushed him away and went on with your life while skillfully avoiding him. But just the simple sight of him brought back all those fond memories–baking cupcakes, falling asleep together just after screaming over a horror movie, holding each other when life just gets too much... And so you found yourself buried into his chest, holding him tightly.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered again, shutting your eyes in both contentment and fear of him pushing you away again. 

But you felt two hands snake around your middle, hugging you back. There were a million questions running through your mind at that moment, wondering why he had disappeared but welcomed you so easily. But you set them aside, choosing to just melt into his still familiar embrace.

Awwww😭😭😭

“Actually, I hate you.” You glared. But your words differentiated from your actions when your hand came to smooth down his crumpled tie. “I don’t want to see you ever again. You’re an absolute asshole and I–” But your eyes met with his, his gaze amused and soft. And then you sniffled, looking down at the ground, the urge to cry suddenly overcoming you.

The mood swings nooooo

“I missed you.”

He smiled but he never quite gave you a response as the elevator ding had interrupted him. Instead, he just gave you a small wave. 

It was odd. Awkward. But one step at a time, you figured. It’s been years after all.

Aghhh so curious

Mysterious man who are youuuuu ???

“Sorry, I…” Your eyes trailed down to what you were wearing. With an internal gasp, you stepped backward. “I’m going to– change.”

He widened his eyes and then his gaze also traveled down. His cheeks were oddly red and he cleared his throat, looking away.

You cringed and shut the door in his face before he could even say anything.

Now in proper clothes that were for the general public, you opened the door again.

Oughhh I felt that through my core 😭😭

“You seem busy,” You remarked as you walked over to the box labeled “decorations” only for there to literally be one single plant that looked like it needed to be watered. In fact, it was on the brink of death. Immediately, your face was contorting in worry and you turned to where he was just standing at the entrance with an embarrassed expression. “What… happened to your initial dream?”

Nooo that’s so 😭😭

He approached you and peered into the box. “What dream?”

“The one where you wanted to have a place full of pretty plants.”

Nooo again😭😭

Screw capitalism

“You grew up.”

Childhood friends to lovers just hits different

“Kind of sad,” He remarked with a disappointed sigh. “I bought it only for me to fail to take care of it.”

“You can always buy another one.”

“Mhm,” He hummed dully. “Sure.” 

You watched him wordlessly, observing the way his gaze fell when one of the leaves broke off. Shaking your head, you suddenly stood up.

Get him a new plant yn can’t stand him being sad☹️☹️

“Wait here.” You patted the seat. And then you were running off, nowhere to be seen. Hyunjae simply sat there, observing the calm atmosphere. When you came back, you were holding a stick of cotton candy in your hand. It was large, almost covering your whole face. Hyunjae chuckled, taking it from you so you wouldn’t trip on the ground.

Awwww I love these scenes!!!!

“Aren’t we too old for this?” He questioned.

You shook your head. “I still love it.”

Yn knows yn knows!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Wha– oh,” You huffed, realizing that there was cotton candy on your nose. Hyunjae laughed even louder and suddenly he was leaning in to gently wipe it off with his finger.

“Cutie,” He whispered fondly, his other hand gently cupping the side of your face.

Your heart stuttered at the word. “Wh-what?”

My heart really did

You quickly recovered, instead scooching even closer to him so that your shoulders were touching. “You think I’m cute? Even when I’m all grown up?”

“Always.”

AHHHHHHHHHH🥹💕💕😫❤️‍🩹⭐️🫠🫠🫠🥹🥹☹️💕❤️‍🩹

You sorted through them, folding them until you came across a hoodie. You didn’t recognize it, but the fabric of it was so… soft and warm. Your hands held onto it, contemplating what it would feel like if you just–

The door to the bathroom creaked open. You gasped and shoved it behind you, greatly hoping that he didn’t notice you staring at it longingly. But alas, you just had to have slow reflexes at this moment.

“Do you like it?” He asked. “Put it on.” 

🚑🚑🚑🚑🚑🏥🏥🏥🏥

“I know that look on your face,” He teased, picking it up. “You like it..”

“I don’t.”

“Okay,” He simply replied, shrugging and turning around. You were just about to question his suspiciously short response when out of nowhere, he whipped back around and pulled the hoodie over you. Immediately, you were encompassed in warmth and– did he always smell this good? And why was he staring at you so softly with that stupid fond smile and why was your heart beating a mile a minute and–

“Do I look good?”

His breath hitched and now it was him with reddening cheeks as he backed away. You stifled a laugh as you stepped forward, cornering him against the edge of the kitchen counter.

“And I know that look on your face,” You teased back. “You like it.”

Bhhsjvgucuix go oojhhhjj yesss make him shy ynnnnn

With a subtle smile, he whispered something that left shivers down your spine.

“I love it.”

Ygoyfittdugvhiviyciycgicutcitctu

“Shut up,” You blurted out as you pulled the hoodie off you and thrust it into his chest.

“Why?” He grinned. “I like this game.”

He’s so ufkdtbcfgj

And then you let your fingertips trail around, down his neck, across his collarbone, slightly pulling down the hem of his shirt and stopping just at his chest where you could feel his heart thump erratically.

Your trace on his skin left sparks flying in your heart and when you had looked up, you knew that Hyunjae was experiencing the same thing.

He was looking down at you, completely speechless and his eyes round in shock. You smiled in triumph, leaning close to one of his reddening ears.

“Then I win.”

As you set up the movie, you couldn’t help but notice Hyunjae looking around your apartment. He seemed to be taking in all of your decorations, and the fact that you had more than one cup and plate. You smiled.

“We can go shopping if you want,” You spoke up. “For your apartment.”

He glanced at you in shock. But he eventually nodded with a small smile, that same one you noticed that he often forced when he was tired and down.

But instead, it was your landlord. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern.

“Bad news.”

NOOOOOOO

“Hm, well,” You huffed. “Guess who lost their apartment.”

Noooo they need to stay together 😭😭😭

He looked at you, deep in thought. And then his hands tightened on your waist. “Then stay here with me.”

Ah okay nevermind lol

Better see yns apartment in ruins for the next years to come👀👀👀

When you and Hyunjae had art class together, you learned a little bit more about him. He was always the one who enjoyed the sketching, the outlining with the black pen, and shading in grey. You, on the other hand, were the one who would color in between those lines with vibrant colors, brightening the picture into something truly complete. 

He sighed, glancing at the bedroom door. “There’s only one bed.”

There’s one bed…I quote THERES ONLY ONE BED

“I think I’ll just go back to the–” He couldn’t even finish his sentence because you were grabbing onto his hand and pulling him down into bed. He didn’t really protest though as you could sense him slowly melting into the warmth of it.

The lamp was off now and you were both succumbed to darkness. It was silent, only the sound of Hyunjae’s calm breathing. You weren’t exactly tired right now. You knew that it would take you a while to fall asleep. But that was fine! You would just wait until he fell asleep first.

Except, when you turned on your side to face him, you could see him staring back, big, round doe eyes on you. So, scratch that. And now you were cold which you weren’t used to. Your apartment was usually the perfect temperature, but this one left you shivering all over.

Unconsciously, you began to shift closer to his body. He’s always been the warm one. That used to be your strategy to not freeze to death when the two of you would walk down the winter festival together.

Suddenly though, you felt an arm across your waist and steady breathing on the side of your neck.

Kicking my feet!!!!!!!

He turned to you in a growing distraught state and he widened his eyes. “Are you–”

“It’s just me,” You muttered. “Bad dream?”

Hyunjae froze for a moment but he slowly nodded. And usually, it was you who initiated the hugs. But this time, he was the one who lunged forward, holding you close to his chest. His hands grasped onto you tightly as he buried his nose into your neck.

Crying

“I missed you,” He had finally replied, answering your statement from before. “More than you know. It was hard without you.”

This entire scene is so emotional and beautiful 🥹🥹

“You have me now.”

“Always.” And you felt his hand grasp yours, guiding it to where his heart was, thumping in a soothing rhythm. “In here.”

Again, still no response. You watched as he circled the counter, positioning himself behind you. And then you gasped quietly once you registered the strong arms that enveloped your waist, pulling you into a warm hug, your back now pressed up against his chest. You could even feel his nose nuzzling into the back of your neck, breathing deeply.

You simply just froze, unable to do anything. Once you realized he wasn’t going to move anytime soon, you turned the stove off and simply allowed him to hug you to his heart’s content. He let out a sleepy hum. Or was it a whine?

“You’re clingy in the morning,” You mused

“Mhm.” Even his morning voice was cute.

You chuckled and your hand came up to his hair to ruffle it. Immediately, he was leaning into your touch and when your hand traveled down to cup his cheek, he was nuzzling into it like a puppy.

AHHH IOH MY GOD

He still didn’t budge. And so, using every single ounce of your strength, you had to carry him all the way to the bathroom as he was still clinging onto you like a koala.

“The breakfast is going to burn,” You stuttered.

He simply licked his lips, his gaze fixated on yours.

“I can always try something else.”

You were screwed.

I really am😭😭

He still had nightmares but they were becoming less and less frequent. Sometimes, when they happened, you would just pull him closer and he would immediately relax with a small sigh, almost like you had the superpower to eliminate his night terrors.

After finding a towel, you stepped in between his legs. Carefully, you began to dry his damp hair, marveling at the way his hair curled up after a shower. You rubbed his scalp, making your way around and behind his ears. When you peeked at his expression, you stifled a laugh at the way he basically fell asleep under your touch.

Pleaseeeeeee

It seems that when Hyunjae was tired, he never answered any of your questions, funnily enough. A lot of his answers were just “I missed you” or a small hum. But this… this answer was different. It was spoken so quietly, so softly yet it perfectly resonated through your ears.

“I love you.”

Ahhhhhh

“Have I mentioned how uncomfortable this suit is?” He mumbled. “It’s very hot and–”

Noooo how is he not drunk lol

He was quiet, simply watching as your fingers grasped his tie, unloosening it with a sharp pull, causing him to lurch forward, his lips startlingly close to yours. 

“Interesting,” He teasingly remarked, but his voice was still slurred.

I absolutely love this move! Should be used moreeee

“Hyunjae?” You stammered. The arms wrapped around your waist tightened further as he stood behind you, hooking his chin over your shoulder, and breathing out a low sigh. And now that he was newly… conscious, he did more. His hands began to wander over you in soothing shapes and he pressed his chest further against your back.

What in the mating season has happens to him lol

I love it

“Do you want to know something about me?”

“I know a lot about you,” You joked.

You could hear him huff out in amusement, his hands never failing to leave your waist. “While I was away–when I was at my lowest–I thought of someone all those years.”

And for some reason, you knew exactly what the answer was. 

But still, your voice tremored. “Who?”

A squeeze on your waist.

“You.”

“Because I do.” He dipped his head lower to look at you with those foolish, puppy-like eyes. “I think of you whenever I’m at work.”

“But,” You exhaled shakily. “Do you realize that you say something else?” 

You were sure he wasn’t aware. He didn’t seem to be in the right state of mind whenever he was exhausted. So maybe, he would just stare at you in utter confusion, deny it, and this whole… feeling fiasco would be done and dealt with. But then—

“That I love you?”

AHHHHHH

“That,” He said quietly. “You’re also quite confusing too.”

“Wh-what?” 

“Stepping away and stepping back,” He spoke softly. “Looking me in the eye but refusing to when I say that I love you.” One of his hands left your waist to gently guide your chin up. “So look at me now.” 

I agree with hyunjae

Go for it yn!!!!!

“What are we?”

WHAT ARE WE????

“What do you want us to be?”

He hummed, a soft smile on his lips. “What do I want?” 

He slightly reworded your question and you wondered why. But you nodded, your eyes studying his features. His handsome features. They were sharp when you had met him in that hallway. But his keen eyes, the angle of his eyebrows, his perpetual frown–they were just soft, soft on you. No longer was there a frown, but just an affectionate smile.

“What do you want?” You repeated his question, your voice hushed to a whisper.

He leaned in, his gaze warm and gentle, his eyes wandering over each and every detail of your face.

“I want to love you.”

You had expected to inhale sharply, gasp maybe–but no. Because everything made sense to you now. His kind words, his soft and fleeting touches across your body, it all pointed to one thing. And so, instead, you smiled shyly.

“Then love me.”

And we all cheered🥹🥹🥹💕💕💕❤️‍🩹💗❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

“I came to the realization when you tried to cheer me up whenever I was tired. But I think I’ve already felt this way for a while.” He replied. He pinched your cheek again. “All those dates and extra care that you gave me…very cute thing to do.”

Your eyes went wide. “You… noticed?”

“I notice a lot of things, sweetheart,” He teased. “Like how you’re grabbing onto my suit to pull me into a kiss right now.”

Your eyes lit up once you remembered your boyfriend who was sitting next to you on the couch. He was busy on his computer, doing some sort of work report but you ignored that, turning to him and grasping his collar tightly. You pulled him in, pressing your lips to his, causing him to let out a small “mmph” in surprise.

But almost instantly, he turned into jelly from your touch, a smile growing on his lips as his eyes fluttered close. He had tried to deepen it desperately but you pulled away shortly after, leaving him to chase after your lips adorably.

Younghoon gawked. “I’m right here.”

“So?” You shrugged, smiling innocently. “At least he tastes sweet.”

sh if hocsdfxfdxgc making us all feel singel

the sweetener you are

hyunjae x reader (idea from the anon who requested childhood friends to lovers!)

summary: when a mysterious man moves into the apartment next door, you realize that he’s your childhood best friend who’s disappeared for years. he changed, his life seeming to have soured. but you could just be his sweetener, the one to make him smile again

genre: best friends to lovers, and boy-next-door sorta thing, hurt/comfort for him because he deserves the world, nightmares, healing, one bed trope, youre forced to move in with him hahaha am i evil, back hugs, he acts "drunk" when tired (dont ask why, it was just an excuse to write him being clingy), hes flirty ish and teasing, hes shirtless for like one second (BECAUSE.), sleepy love confessions, kissing, is there tension? i can't tell myself, “sweetheart” good god notes: school started so expect much much less after this... so see you in a bit 🥲🥲but hope u enjoy!!! this is literally just yumi who needs to stop writing long interpretations of their love for hyunjae in the form of fics + song inspo! word count: 12.7k

You coughed. You choked. And then you glared straight at Younghoon who was staring back in complete alarm. Setting the unfinished glass down on the counter with a loud clink, you clenched your jaw with unspoken curse words that threatened to escape your lips.

“This tastes like dirt,” You garbled out. Rushing over to one of your cupboards, you pulled out one of those small sugar packets that you liked to swipe from those cute coffee shops. If it was free, why not take a few? Ripping the paper open, you poured it into the drink that didn’t even look like it belonged on this planet. It was both… green and yellowish-blue at the same time.

Younghoon gasped, slapping a hand over his mouth dramatically. “That’s not healthy!”

“But it tastes so bad,” You whined. “It needs a sweetener.”

He glared, dragging his hand all the way down his jaw in an unattractive way. “It’s an herbal drink. It’s meant to taste bad. Think of all the health benefits you could’ve gotten out of that without the sugar.”

“You made this?” You scrunched up your face in disgust.

“No, I–” He laughed nervously. “My mom did. I promised her I would finish it.”

You narrowed your eyes. “And you couldn’t because it tasted so bad. So you’re making me finish it.”

He gave you a pained smile as he stepped away. “I– who said that?”

“Why’re we even friends?” You questioned before jabbing a finger at the door. “Get out.”

Younghoon pouted but he eventually obliged, opening the apartment door. “You still owe me money for that overpriced tiny piece of cake by the way.”

“It tasted good!” You shot back.

“It did not.” He sighed. “It’s just you with your horrible sweet tooth. Don’t even– hey…” You noticed him peeking out of your door and into the hallway. And then he leaned back in, searching your face with wonder. “Someone’s moving in next door.”

You brightened with interest at that, practically jumping off where you were sitting on the kitchen counter. Bounding over to the door, you poked your head out under Younghoon’s, just like they did in the cartoons. Squinting your eyes, all you could see was a tall man with a cap on that covered most of his face. 

“Who’s that?” Younghoon said, slightly too loud for your liking.

With a groan, you elbowed him in the ribs. “Shh…how would I know? Though... he does look better than that old dude who constantly yelled at those courtroom TV shows like he was the judge.” It was like the apartment next to yours was cursed. Magic wasn’t real here. Or at least, in this world. But you still believed that a witch had strolled by and casually placed a hex on Apt 245 for the fun of it. For the time that you’ve been here, you’ve seen about five people move in there. And they were never happy. 

Once, there were two parents who had to deal with multiple children who would not stop crying. You hadn’t slept a wink the whole time they were there. They did receive a noise complaint though. Another time, there was a teenager who couldn’t even properly pay off the rent. He didn’t have a job. But he could somehow afford the loudest speaker where he would play the most gut-wrenching, saddest music ever. He got evicted.

But this man… well–he looked decent. Really. No evident curse here. Or at least, yet. When he turned around, you could see that he was very tall and… broad. Apparently, that was the first thing you noticed. He also seemed to pick up the moving boxes with ease and when he had stepped just the slightest to the side, you could see the impossibly perfect slope of his nose. Also a very odd thing to notice.

Younghoon grasped your arm, pulling you back into your own apartment.

“Don’t fall in love.”

You gaped at him. “What? I don’t even know who he is.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But he’s tall. And broad. And has a nice nose. I know you. I know your type.”

Shit.

“You do know me,” You mumbled sheepishly. “But still!” You poked him harshly. “I won’t fall in love. I probably won’t even see him for like– a month. Or he’s going to be cursed and moved out like the others. Don’t worry.”

Your friend narrowed his eyes in skepticism but he eventually nodded. “As long as you don’t bump into him tomorrow or something.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Of course. I won’t fall in love.”

You didn’t fall in love. You fell onto the floor.

And you also happened to bump into him the next day ironically enough.

If only—if only—you decided to pick up your mail yesterday like you were supposed to, this wouldn’t have happened. And by this, you meant being distracted by a cup that rolled out of your new neighbor’s door and then walking straight into his chest. 

You squeaked in horror. “I’m sorry!” And then you stepped backwards, tripped on your badly-timed untied shoelace, and ended up on the floor in the middle of the hallway.

When you looked up, there was a pretty hand that reached out to help you up. Taking it with burning cheeks, you could finally see what this man looked like up close and without a cap.

And you would have expected maybe one of those boy-next-door romantic moments where you would fall into his arms and start dating the next day. Oh, and also kiss and eventually get married. But no, you—

“Hyunjae?”

The man—Hyunjae—gaped at you with comically wide eyes. 

“Y/n,” He breathed out.

As long-lost childhood friends, the most sensible thing to do was ask how he was. But you often defied expectations, positively or negatively, and so instead you lunged forward, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling him into a tight hug.

Hyunjae, whom you’ve known since you were just young kids, has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. He used to be on the elementary school track team while you… were on the bleachers trying to tell the difference between subtraction and addition. But luckily, Hyunjae was both a smart and kind kid and so he had stopped in the middle of his running to sit with you and teach what your teacher couldn’t do properly.

He was always one year older, always more mature and experienced. But he tended to throw that away just for you and join in on playing games with you when he should’ve been studying for an exam. But he did so to cheer you up. He was sweet like that and you adored spending your afternoons after school with him.

The two of you even got to experience those dreadful high school years together, except there was always that haunting realization—that he would eventually graduate first. But he always reassured you.

“It’s just one year, silly,” He joked, pulling you into a side hug, one that perfectly portrayed his understanding of your worries. “I’ll text and call you all the time. Promise.”

Promises were often broken and this wasn’t any different. For when he had left for college, he never contacted you ever again. You had tried to reach out, but he never responded. And so, for your whole college term, you never saw Lee Hyunjae, your supposed “best friend,” ever again.

And you should have been mad—no, furious to see him again. You should have pushed him away and went on with your life while skillfully avoiding him. But just the simple sight of him brought back all those fond memories–baking cupcakes, falling asleep together just after screaming over a horror movie, holding each other when life just gets too much... And so you found yourself buried into his chest, holding him tightly.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered again, shutting your eyes in both contentment and fear of him pushing you away again. 

But you felt two hands snake around your middle, hugging you back. There were a million questions running through your mind at that moment, wondering why he had disappeared but welcomed you so easily. But you set them aside, choosing to just melt into his still familiar embrace.

Finally though, you managed to pull away, looking at him with a fond smile. He smiled back. He had grown even more handsome than before. He managed to become taller, broader, and more charming all at once. His features were sharp, more mature. Something about him–the way he was dressed in a literal suit–really portrayed to you that he really was an adult now, as opposed to the teenager who procrastinated on science projects.

“How are you?” He smiled, almost too polite for your liking. You could see the way he stood, awkwardly and with fidgeting hands. And that was when it all hit you like a truck.

Your eyebrows suddenly furrowed, your lips pulled into a scowl, and your eyes narrowed as you stepped forward. “How am I? No. How could you–” You banged a fist on his firm chest. “–leave me–” Another punch. “–like that–” He stepped back in growing alarm. “–and act all polite and uneasy as if we weren’t best friends for years?” Both of your fists lingered on his chest, your strength growing weak from frustration. 

“Y/n, I–” He winced.

“Actually, I hate you.” You glared. But your words differentiated from your actions when your hand came to smooth down his crumpled tie. “I don’t want to see you ever again. You’re an absolute asshole and I–” But your eyes met with his, his gaze amused and soft. And then you sniffled, looking down at the ground, the urge to cry suddenly overcoming you.

Hyunjae laughed quietly. “I’m sorry. If you would allow me to explain?”

“Great,” You grumbled. “Then do so. Since you’ve owed me an explanation after all these years.”

He glanced at his watch. “I have work. Tomorrow, maybe? Trust me.”

You looked at him in bewilderment. “Work? But you haven’t even unpacked yet.” You eyed his apartment with the door open. There were multiple boxes strewn about, some not even open yet.

“Emergencies,” He sighed. That was when you noticed just how exhausted he looked. “I have to go.”

“Oh,” You stuttered. “Okay. I– good luck?”

Hyunjae smiled, pinching your cheek just like he had done all those years ago. He seemed to be completely unfazed over the fact that you just punched him in anger. “Thank you.” And he was locking the door behind him and heading for the elevator. But just as he was walking away, you felt the need to call something out. Just a few words.

“Hyunjae?” You said.

He turned around, tilting his head. You never knew just how well work attire suited him. He looked almost… attractive. But god, what were you thinking?

“I missed you.”

He smiled but he never quite gave you a response as the elevator ding had interrupted him. Instead, he just gave you a small wave. 

It was odd. Awkward. But one step at a time, you figured. It’s been years after all.

The next day, as promised, he had shown up to your door. This time, since it was the weekend, he was wearing a simple white shirt. One that still never failed to accentuate his broad shoulders.

But initially, you thought it was Younghoon and not a guy who you haven’t seen for multiple years. So you may or may not have opened the door with your hair like a bird’s nest and your sleepwear on that… wasn’t meant for the general public to see. Apparently, Hyunjae fits in the general public category now. Best friend? No, you hate him.

Kind of.

Not really.

Stumbling to the door, you flung it open, your eyes barely open. Immediately, you were met with the sight of just. Long legs. Not very helpful.

“Who–” And then you looked up, only to meet Hyunjae’s eyes. Choking on your spit, you straightened up. “Hello,” You blurted out in a monotone voice.

He raised an eyebrow and tilted his chin down with amusement. “And who’s the uneasy one now?”

“Sorry, I…” Your eyes trailed down to what you were wearing. With an internal gasp, you stepped backward. “I’m going to– change.”

He widened his eyes and then his gaze also traveled down. His cheeks were oddly red and he cleared his throat, looking away.

You cringed and shut the door in his face before he could even say anything.

Now in proper clothes that were for the general public, you opened the door again. He was still standing there with that same smile. The same kind, caring one he always regarded you with even when you were just kids.

“Where should we talk?” You asked. 

His eyes glanced over to his own door. “My place?” He offered quietly. “I have unpacking to do.”

You stared at him silently. And then you nodded with an excited smile. “I can help.” 

“Oh no,” He laughed softly. “You don’t have to. I’m fine on my–”

“You don’t look fine,” You interrupted. And without thinking, your hand came up to cup his cheek, turning him to face you. “You look tired.”

He stared at you wordlessly before sighing. “I guess I am.”

“So let me help.” You grinned. “I’m using my vacation days from work right now anyway.”

He could only mutter a shy “okay” as he opened the door for you to enter. Looking around, you found that the only things that he had unpacked lacked much of any personality. He took out the necessities and a bunch of… work. Papers, a computer, work suits and the like.

“You seem busy,” You remarked as you walked over to the box labeled “decorations” only for there to literally be one single plant that looked like it needed to be watered. In fact, it was on the brink of death. Immediately, your face was contorting in worry and you turned to where he was just standing at the entrance with an embarrassed expression. “What… happened to your initial dream?”

He approached you and peered into the box. “What dream?”

“The one where you wanted to have a place full of pretty plants.”

“Yeah well,” He laughed bitterly. “Circumstances change aspirations.”

You gulped nervously at his change of tone. Something was bothering him. Something, in particular, caused him to move here. You led him to the couch and sat next to him.

“So what is it? Why did you cut everyone off and– disappear?” You asked cautiously.

He looked at you for a long minute like he was trying to figure out a response for himself. And finally, he just sighed in defeat.

“Problems.”

“Like what?” You prodded.

“A lot. And I wouldn’t want to lay them all on you.” He gave you a weak smile. You regarded him with a soft look in your eyes, searching his face for any sort of answer. All you could see was a flame that had long been put out.

“Then tell me one.”

“One?” He bit his lip nervously. “One…”

“Just one,” You said gently.

“Like the one where the place I used to work at didn’t treat me right? That they refused to give me anything?” He mumbled, his voice trailing off with embarrassment. “So I moved here so that I could get away? That one?” 

You froze at his words. You processed them and that was when it began to make sense. He wasn’t going to work yesterday. He was going to an interview. His computer was open to job openings and the papers weren’t reports. They were resumes.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered. But he was already distancing himself, standing up from the couch. You gazed at him with concern as you stood up, only for him to take a step backward.

“Why are you…” You frowned. “It’s okay, you know. Did you think I would look at you any differently?”

His jaw clenched. “Well, I did cut you off because I didn’t want to worry you. You always told me I would be successful, the best. So how exactly could I face you after they…”

“That’s not your fault. And I’m sorry for putting that on you,” You mustered, stepping closer. This time, he didn’t step away. He allowed you to do anything. He let you trail a hand down to his wrist, holding it gently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me more. I’m sorry.”

He watched you with slight surprise, and with his lips pulled into a straight line, he whispered a small, “I should be the one who’s sorry.”

You shook your head with a smile. “Don’t be.”

He stayed silent at that, simply studying your features. You could tell he still wanted to apologize. But then the corner of his lips lifted slightly. “You grew up.” His tone was gentle, so kind, just like you’ve always known. It was a little quieter than before though, more closed off as if he was afraid–scared of what you would think of him.

You laughed bashfully. “And so did you.” Your hand trailed up to his shoulder. “Did you start working out?”

He smirked. “Why, do you like my progress?”

You snorted. “Could improve.”

He scoffed yet he only looked at you with fondness. The two of you simply stood there, in the midst of his empty apartment, just staring at each other. And then you giggled. He laughed as well before reaching forward and pulling you into his arms, squeezing you so tight that you felt the air leave your lungs.

“Ah–” You choked. “Hyunjae. You’re killing me.”

“I’m showing you my newfound strength,” He joked, stepping away. You were about to refute but instead, you felt your gaze wandering to his arms. Since when were they so toned and–

“Very funny,” You weakly replied. Escaping from his persisting soft gaze, you stepped away and approached the various boxes. “What can I help you with?”

Hyunjae didn’t have much. Apparently, all those large boxes contained about three small things. 

“I overestimated,” He replied with a sheepish smile when you asked.

Most of his things were put away yet when you looked around, the apartment was void of any joy or charm. The only boxes that were left were his clothes which he claimed he could do another day. After putting away his single cup and plate–that’s all he had apparently–you turned around only to see that he was crouched, bending towards that same plant that you pointed out. Its leaves were drooping and the stem wilting, as his fingers gently prodded at it. When you looked closely, you could see a melancholy look on his face, a small frown tugging on his lips.

It was true, that Hyunjae had many dreams when he was younger. That was normal for many people. But to witness it all dissipate before your sight, no sign of light behind his eyes, you couldn’t help but feel your heart clench.

Walking over, you crouched down next to him. He gave you a forced smile.

“Kind of sad,” He remarked with a disappointed sigh. “I bought it only for me to fail to take care of it.”

“You can always buy another one.”

“Mhm,” He hummed dully. “Sure.” 

You watched him wordlessly, observing the way his gaze fell when one of the leaves broke off. Shaking your head, you suddenly stood up.

“Let’s go out.”

He looked up at you in surprise. “What?”

“I’ll be your tour guide of the town,” You joked. “I know everything.”

Standing up with you, he stole a glance at his phone. “I can’t.”

“Why?” You pouted.

“I’m waiting for my result from the interview.”

You sighed and took his wrist in yours, pulling him to the door. “You need to get your mind off that for a second.”

“But–”

“Please?” You looked up at him, even batting your eyelashes. “Just for a moment?” You also exaggerated a pout.

He blinked in shock, his eyes trailing over your expression. “What are you doing?”

“Making you feel bad. Is it working?” You held back a grin.

He huffed out a laugh. “Definitely. Fine, just for a moment.”

You grinned and you were already pulling on your shoes and bounding out the door, leaving Hyunjae to smile to himself.

“This is a convenience store.” You pointed at it with a bright smile.

He rolled his eyes. “I know what a convenience store is.”

You laughed and led him to the next block before abruptly stopping. “This is the karaoke bar,” You said, pointing at the nearby building.

“Fun,” He muttered.

“We should go one day.” You smiled. “Actually no.” You scowled. “I got drunk there once and I think they banned me because I was dancing on the tables.”

Hyunjae turned to you in slight shock. “You? Drunk?”

“What?” You widened your eyes in surprise. “What is it?”

“I just… you always said that you hated the taste of alcohol,” He replied in wonder.

“Times change.” You grinned, nudging his shoulder. He gave you a small smile back.

Then, you led him to your favorite spot. The central park in the middle of town. It was a beautiful day out, the sky bright and blue. You loved to sit at one of the benches, watching birds fly by or kids play happily on the playground. 

“Wait here.” You patted the seat. And then you were running off, nowhere to be seen. Hyunjae simply sat there, observing the calm atmosphere. When you came back, you were holding a stick of cotton candy in your hand. It was large, almost covering your whole face. Hyunjae chuckled, taking it from you so you wouldn’t trip on the ground.

“Aren’t we too old for this?” He questioned.

You shook your head. “I still love it.”

He took a bite and turned to look at you with furrowed eyebrows. “It’s so sweet.”

“That’s why it’s good!” You stared at him like he was the craziest man alive.

“It’s because you’ve always had a sweet tooth.” He frowned, gently placing it back in your hands. 

“Fine,” You scoffed. “If that’s how you treat your best friend.” And you were taking a bite on the opposite side. When you pulled it away from your face, you were startled by a loud laugh. From Hyunjae, specifically. Turning to him with wide eyes, you could even see him smiling.

It was not like the other smiles that you’ve seen so far. Those ones were small, lacking much of any emotion. But this one was wide, full with amusement and happiness.

“Wha– oh,” You huffed, realizing that there was cotton candy on your nose. Hyunjae laughed even louder and suddenly he was leaning in to gently wipe it off with his finger.

“Cutie,” He whispered fondly, his other hand gently cupping the side of your face.

Your heart stuttered at the word. “Wh-what?”

He gulped, pulling away like he was burned. “Oh, I…”

You quickly recovered, instead scooching even closer to him so that your shoulders were touching. “You think I’m cute? Even when I’m all grown up?”

“Always.”

“I missed your smile,” You stated as the two of you were walking back to the apartment complex.

You had expected him to point out that he had smiled other times before. But instead, he gazed at you with soft eyes.

“I did too. It’s been a while since I’ve felt so happy,” He said. “All thanks to you.”

“Of course!” You beamed, looping an arm with his before pulling him closer. “You can always count on me.”

He didn’t respond this time. But his expression said it all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, was all you could see in his dark brown eyes. Smiling, you bumped your body playfully against his.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” You asked.

Again, you found yourself in his apartment the next day. Apparently, he had just gotten back from running and he needed to take a shower. So, you were looking through his boxes full of clothes. You sorted through them, folding them until you came across a hoodie. You didn’t recognize it, but the fabric of it was so… soft and warm. Your hands held onto it, contemplating what it would feel like if you just–

The door to the bathroom creaked open. You gasped and shoved it behind you, greatly hoping that he didn’t notice you staring at it longingly. But alas, you just had to have slow reflexes at this moment.

“Do you like it?” He asked. “Put it on.” 

You laughed awkwardly, turning to face him, only for your protests to come stuttering to a stop. Your eyes trailed down from his damp hair to his… whole torso. His bare torso. He was shirtless. Right out of the shower, water droplets sitting prettily on his collarbones, traveling all the way down to his chest and his– he definitely works out. 

“Oh,” You breathed out, your cheeks flushing red as you frantically looked away. This was not how you expected to reunite with your best friend after so long. 

“Sorry,” He replied, his voice low. “My shirt’s in there.”

You nodded, refusing to look up. It was quiet for a moment, too quiet that you contemplated just shoving his clothes into his hands while dutifully avoiding the sight of his bare chest. 

But then he was right beside you and he smelled so, so good as he leaned over you, his hand gently grasping your waist. To take a shirt. Very unnecessary but it still left you inhaling sharply. Feeling yourself go dizzy as you stood there, eyes trained on the ground, and every single muscle in all of human anatomy completely rigid until you were sure he was properly dressed.

Taking a peek, you were met with his teasing smile.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” You mustered.

“You were staring weren’t you?” He leaned even closer, his eyes searching yours with amusement. His hand gently lifted your chin up, making you swallow thickly at the way he was gazing at you with a small smirk. 

“I wasn’t,” You whispered shakily.

“Hm,” He hummed. “You look a little flushed though.”

“It was nothing,” You shoved him away, feeling like your face was on fire. “You shouldn’t just walk around like that. It’s…”

“Mhm.” He only continued to smile wider. “Whatever you say.”

You groaned, abruptly turning away to hide your reddening cheeks. But then your eyes landed back on that same hoodie.

“I know that look on your face,” He teased, picking it up. “You like it..”

“I don’t.”

“Okay,” He simply replied, shrugging and turning around. You were just about to question his suspiciously short response when out of nowhere, he whipped back around and pulled the hoodie over you. Immediately, you were encompassed in warmth and– did he always smell this good? And why was he staring at you so softly with that stupid fond smile and why was your heart beating a mile a minute and–

“Hyunjae,” You groaned. “What was that for?”

But he stayed silent, simply examining you wearing his clothes. You tilted your head.

“Do I look good?”

His breath hitched and now it was him with reddening cheeks as he backed away. You stifled a laugh as you stepped forward, cornering him against the edge of the kitchen counter.

“And I know that look on your face,” You teased back. “You like it.”

His eyes fluttered, almost like he was fighting the urge to look over your body once again. He inhaled deeply and then he straightened, leaning over you this time. With a subtle smile, he whispered something that left shivers down your spine.

“I love it.”

Oh my god. You treaded backwards, suddenly feeling conscious of everything. His eyes on you–all over you–the way the shirt clung to his body, the rushing thought of the fact that you saw him without it on just a few minutes ago–everything came over you like a bucket of ice water.

“I–” With wide eyes, he only continued to approach you, the scent of his shampoo overcoming you quickly. You couldn’t come up with a comeback anymore. At first, you thought that this was just friendly banter, the type that you guys would do in the school cafeteria. But this–this was something different. With the way he was looking at you with darkening eyes, you weren’t quite sure this was that “friendly banter” thing anymore.

“Shut up,” You blurted out as you pulled the hoodie off you and thrust it into his chest.

“Why?” He grinned. “I like this game.”

You raised your eyebrows. “What game is this exactly?”

“The game of making the other person flustered.” 

You stood there for a moment, thinking. You couldn’t quite come up with a verbal comeback. So you could instead…

Taking a step forward, you hooked a hand around the back of his neck, letting your touch linger there for a moment. A stuttering breath was caught thickly in his throat as he looked down at you in bafflement.

And then you let your fingertips trail around, down his neck, across his collarbone, slightly pulling down the hem of his shirt and stopping just at his chest where you could feel his heart thump erratically.

Your trace on his skin left sparks flying in your heart and when you had looked up, you knew that Hyunjae was experiencing the same thing.

He was looking down at you, completely speechless and his eyes round in shock. You smiled in triumph, leaning close to one of his reddening ears.

“Then I win.”

And you were heading for the door. But just as you turned around, you could see Hyunjae who was still leaning against the counter, cheeks now red as he stared down at the ground. You giggled, closing the door behind you.

The next time you saw Hyunjae, unsurprisingly, he looked exhausted again. In fact, he didn’t even recognize you at first with how he was gazing off into space rather than unlocking his own door.

“Come over tonight,” You offered.

He raised an eyebrow. “To do what?”

You choked. “Not that. Movie night!” You winked, patting his shoulder before leaving for the grocery store. You made sure to mentally add popcorn to your list.

And so, when it was pitch dark at night, you had opened your door to Hyunjae, fidgeting nervously at the entrance. You laughed, grabbing his wrist and pulling him in.

“Don’t be nervous.” You grinned. “It’s just me.”

As you set up the movie, you couldn’t help but notice Hyunjae looking around your apartment. He seemed to be taking in all of your decorations, and the fact that you had more than one cup and plate. You smiled.

“We can go shopping if you want,” You spoke up. “For your apartment.”

He glanced at you in shock. But he eventually nodded with a small smile, that same one you noticed that he often forced when he was tired and down.

Now sitting on the couch, side-by-side but never quite touching, the two of you watched a movie. It was a comfortable silence and whenever you would glance at Hyunjae, he would notice and turn his attention back to you. And every time you would make eye contact, you made sure to give him a bright smile, one that showed him that “I’m always here for you.”

"Staring?" He teased.

"In fact I am," You replied. "Forget the movie, you're the award-winning feature."

He laughed again. The same bright one at the park.

"I didn't take you to be such a flirter," He remarked.

"I'm not," You refuted. "You really are amazing."

He gave you a smile that wasn't so convincing. "If you say so."

Near the resolution of the film, you found yourself scooching over to him, letting your shoulders touch. But that wasn’t exactly enough, so you lifted his arm so that you could rest your head on his chest, his body warmth easily spreading to yours.

“What are you doing?” He muttered.

For a second, you thought he might actually be annoyed. But, when you looked up, you could see his softening eyes and the slight blush on his cheeks. You huffed in amusement and you only persisted, snuggling close to his chest. Eventually, he gave up on the whole tough act and he let his arm wrap around you, rubbing your arm in up-and-down motions.

You didn’t notice that you had fallen asleep.

Though you did briefly remember two… moments. One of them was him cautiously bringing you to your bed. The other being a warm hand softly caressing your cheek.

You woke up alone. Good! Who else did you expect? Rubbing your eyes, there was a constant sound ringing in your ears. The doorbell, you groaned. Stumbling to the door, you were hoping maybe… Hyunjae? But instead, it was your landlord. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern.

She sighed, shaking her head.

“Bad news.”

When it was Hyunjae this time who had invited you over, you were pleasantly surprised. Opening the door, you could see him sitting at the table, staring intently at his computer.

Tilting your head, you were about to ask what he was looking at. But then he suddenly jumped up, the chair almost falling over. There was a bright smile on his face as he rushed over to you.

“Hyunjae?” You looked at him in confusion.

“I got the job,” He exclaimed. “I got it.”

“You did?” You gasped. “That’s so– that’s amazing! Congratul–” You inhaled sharply when you felt two hands grasp onto your waist. And suddenly, your whole world shifted once you realized that he was literally picking you up and twirling you around. You laughed shyly as you allowed him to, watching fondly at the way he smiled so, so freely.

Once he had slowed down, there was an impending thought in the back of your mind that appeared from all of the adrenaline. He could put you down and you could lean in and maybe… maybe– press your lips to his as an extra cheer. Mentally slapping yourself, you felt your cheeks grow hot. Again, what were you thinking?

His hands were still on your waist, the both of you out of breath. You smiled, giggling softly. He smiled back, his eyes bright and sparkling.

“I’m proud of you,” You finally said.

“It’s all thanks to you,” He replied.

“Hm, well,” You huffed. “Guess who lost their apartment.”

He gaped at you. “What?”

“Not permanently,” You groaned. “But there’s been a technical problem that has to be investigated and fixed. So I can’t stay there for the meantime.”

He looked at you, deep in thought. And then his hands tightened on your waist. “Then stay here with me.”

Now it was your turn to gawk at him. “What?”

“Please.” He smiled. “I owe you.”

You blushed. “I didn’t do much.”

“You did.” He walked forward, nearly caging you against the wall. “Everything. You’ve helped me get this job.” Another step forward. “I’m indebted to you.”

“H-hyunjae,” You stuttered, trying your best to avoid stealing a glance at his lips.

“Just temporarily.”

You made a mental pro and con list. Pros–He was your childhood best friend meaning that he knew you best. Cons–what if things changed? What if you… fell? And you didn’t mean physically.

With a hesitant sigh in defeat, you responded quietly. 

“Temporarily.”

When you and Hyunjae had art class together, you learned a little bit more about him. He was always the one who enjoyed the sketching, the outlining with the black pen, and shading in grey. You, on the other hand, were the one who would color in between those lines with vibrant colors, brightening the picture into something truly complete. 

That was how you complimented each other. People often painted him out to be cold and blunt, but you always saw past that. It was always you who thought that he was the sweetest person you’ve ever met–the one who took care of you when you were sick and who pulled you away from passing cars.

Just like one of those art projects, you began to liven up his apartment with your own things. Of course, you didn’t bring everything, but the simple pieces of your toothbrush next to his and your coat hung up on the rack, were enough to make the puzzle feel just complete.

Soon enough, the evening came which brought the dilemma of where you would sleep.

“The couch,” Hyunjae spoke up, walking out of the bathroom again, with damp hair. But at least he was fully clothed this time. Still, that vision was practically ingrained into your mind.

“You’re right.” You nodded in agreement. “I’ll–”

“Not you,” He huffed. “Me.”

“Oh,” You breathed out. Abruptly you stood up in defiance. “No!” You blurted out. “That’s rude.”

He looked at you entirely unimpressed. “I’m being a good host. A gentleman.”

“Exactly.” You scowled. “You’re going to make me feel like I’m intruding. And look who invited me in the first place?”

He sighed, glancing at the bedroom door. “There’s only one bed.”

“Then we’ll share,” You replied, completely sure of yourself. Hyunjae didn’t respond so you lifted your chin high and walked past him and into the bedroom as odd as it may sound. However, in the corner of your eye, you could see that his ears were slightly red.

You may have underestimated the sheer awkwardness. Just a bit. Maybe a lot.

The two of you stood on either side of the bed, facing each other, contemplating the fact that this would be the first time you would be sleeping together. Actually, it wasn’t really awkward per se. It was more… hilarious. You pursed your lips, trying to stifle your laughter, while Hyunjae’s cheeks were puffed out in embarrassment.

Again, as the bolder one, you climbed under the sheets first. Still, Hyunjae was just standing, hesitating. You squinted up at him through the darkness. 

Even under the dim lighting, you could see that his cheeks were incredibly flushed. 

“I think I’ll just go back to the–” He couldn’t even finish his sentence because you were grabbing onto his hand and pulling him down into bed. He didn’t really protest though as you could sense him slowly melting into the warmth of it.

The lamp was off now and you were both succumbed to darkness. It was silent, only the sound of Hyunjae’s calm breathing. You weren’t exactly tired right now. You knew that it would take you a while to fall asleep. But that was fine! You would just wait until he fell asleep first.

Except, when you turned on your side to face him, you could see him staring back, big, round doe eyes on you. So, scratch that. And now you were cold which you weren’t used to. Your apartment was usually the perfect temperature, but this one left you shivering all over.

Unconsciously, you began to shift closer to his body. He’s always been the warm one. That used to be your strategy to not freeze to death when the two of you would walk down the winter festival together.

Suddenly though, you felt an arm across your waist and steady breathing on the side of your neck.

“Hm?” You hummed in confusion, wondering if the chest against your shoulder was just a hallucination. 

But then he replied in a quiet, lower voice.

“Is this okay?” He whispered.

Oh, this was more than okay. You were familiar with his embrace. But to feel it just moments before you fell asleep brought a sudden bout of tranquility.

“Perfect.” You smiled to yourself, curling up to his body in which he held you closer in response. It was warm, comforting, just perfect. It didn’t take you a while to fall asleep anymore. 

When you awoke, you were slightly—no, very confused about why it was still dark out. You were pretty sure the room should be bright with natural light from the sun. Or maybe you’ve just gone crazy. But that was when you glanced at the time. It was still the middle of the night.

When you turned to your side, that was also when you realized that it was Hyunjae who had woken you up. Unknowingly at that. His arm was still around your waist but this time, his hold was almost painfully tight. If you looked closely, you could see that his eyes were screwed shut, his eyebrows twitching with small stuttering breaths escaping him.

But, you’ve always heard the saying that you weren’t supposed to wake someone up from a nightmare. So you hesitated, keeping your hands close to yourself, worriedly watching. At some point, he jolted awake by himself.

Now, his breathing was even faster and he had shot up, looking around frantically. Blinking your eyes sleepily, you turned on the nearby light and sat up with him.

“Hyunjae?” You whispered, looking him over in concern.

He turned to you in a growing distraught state and he widened his eyes. “Are you–”

“It’s just me,” You muttered. “Bad dream?”

Hyunjae froze for a moment but he slowly nodded. And usually, it was you who initiated the hugs. But this time, he was the one who lunged forward, holding you close to his chest. His hands grasped onto you tightly as he buried his nose into your neck.

With the way he was holding you so tightly, so… desperately, you wondered if this had happened before. But still, you allowed him to just hold you close, your own arms coming around to gently pat his back.

You didn’t know when, but he eventually pulled away. He refused to look you in the eye and so you brought a gentle hand to the side of his face, coaxing him to face you.

“How long has this been going on for?” You frowned.

He shut his eyes. “A while.”

Your heart clenched at his quiet response. For the past few days, you had thought he was feeling better, less exhausted. But behind the bedroom door, it must be different.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know…” He trailed off.

“You don’t have to tell me–”

“...what they’re about.”

“Oh,” You breathed. “The nightmares?”

He nodded with tired eyes. “But while I was gone–away from you–people I’ve loved, everything I’ve cherished seemed to disappear before my eyes. It wasn’t just work it was… a lot.” His voice was quiet, hard to hear but it was loud enough that you could hear each and every heart-twisting emotion.

You stayed silent, your hand finding his to stroke the back of it soothingly.

“I felt hopeless.” He frowned. “I guess those nightmares felt like I was reliving that all over again.”

He didn’t say anything after that. You watched him cautiously, wondering what exactly to do. But then you felt his hand tighten on yours slightly and that was your cue to shift even closer.

He glanced at you with an ashamed expression that only made the pit in your stomach drop even more. Slowly, slow enough so that he could back away if he wanted to, you wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close against you. Almost instantly, he was breathing out a low sigh of relief as he nuzzled even further into your embrace.

“You’re not alone anymore,” You whispered. “And… thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

He didn’t say anything, but when he held you back, it was a perfect answer. The two of you stayed like that, in the dead of night, just holding each other until you began to feel drowsy from his warmth. It wasn’t the first time that you’ve done so. The only difference was that it was always you who needed that extra piece of comfort. It was never Hyunjae. Seeing him open up was different but something that you were most grateful for.

“I never replied to you the day we met in the hallway,” He spoke, interrupting your thoughts. 

You pondered for a moment, recalling the memory. “When I said that I missed you?”

He nodded. “I didn’t reply because I was afraid you would still be mad at me for leaving you so abruptly.”

You smiled softly and shook your head, your hand coming up to the back of his head to stroke his hair soothingly. His eyes widened slightly in shock but he quickly melted into your touch. “I was angry at first.”

He laughed quietly, though his voice was watery with unfallen tears.

“But now I’m not,” You whispered. “I promise. I’m just happy to see you again.”

He pulled away to look up at you, searching your face to make sure that you were telling the truth. When you only gazed back with utmost sincerity, he let a small smile tug on his lips.

“I missed you,” He had finally replied, answering your statement from before. “More than you know. It was hard without you.”

Your gaze softened once you noticed the sparkle of a few tears in his eyes and when he blinked, your sleeve was immediately coming up to pat his cheek, drying the ones that had broken free.

“I missed you too,” You responded and gently, you were pulling him back into bed. And this time, without hesitation, he was hooking both of his arms around you, tightening you into his chest.

“...so much,” He muttered sleepily. “I missed you so much.”

“You have me now.”

“Always.” And you felt his hand grasp yours, guiding it to where his heart was, thumping in a soothing rhythm. “In here.”

You were the first one to wake up. It seemed that Hyunjae’s nightmare and tears had left him too exhausted to even notice you unwrapping yourself from his protective embrace. And so, you took it as your duty to cook something decent for him to wake up to.

Except maybe Hyunjae did notice because he opened the door shortly after. You probably should have placed a pillow in his arms before you left. He walked out and you had to stop yourself from cooing because that would be a little bit… weird. But you couldn’t help it because the sight of his hair tousled and messy, his eyes barely opened and puffy from the tears, and his lips pouted adorably, left you smiling with endearment.

“Morning sleepyhead.” You grinned, turning the stove on. 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he shuffled over to where you were standing behind the kitchen counter. 

You tilted your head in amusement, wondering how he managed to navigate with his eyes barely open. “Are you feeling better?”

Again, still no response. You watched as he circled the counter, positioning himself behind you. And then you gasped quietly once you registered the strong arms that enveloped your waist, pulling you into a warm hug, your back now pressed up against his chest. You could even feel his nose nuzzling into the back of your neck, breathing deeply.

You simply just froze, unable to do anything. Once you realized he wasn’t going to move anytime soon, you turned the stove off and simply allowed him to hug you to his heart’s content. He let out a sleepy hum. Or was it a whine?

“You’re clingy in the morning,” You mused.

“Mhm.” Even his morning voice was cute.

And when you said sleepy, you meant it. Literally–you were pretty sure he fell asleep while back-hugging you in the middle of the kitchen. You practically had to hold on to the counter to brace his weight and when you stole a glance over your shoulder, you had to stifle a laugh. His cheek was smushed into your shoulder and his eyes shut in content.

“O–kay,” You heaved, forcing your body to turn around. And still, he would have almost collapsed into you if you hadn’t planted your hands on his shoulders to hold him up. His head lolled to the side as he peeked an eye open to look at you drowsily.

You chuckled and your hand came up to his hair to ruffle it. Immediately, he was leaning into your touch and when your hand traveled down to cup his cheek, he was nuzzling into it like a puppy.

“I missed you,” He slurred, his voice huskier than usual.

“Mm, you said that already,” You hummed teasingly, a smile threatening to spread across your lips. “Hyunjae.”

“Hm?” He smiled lazily.

“You’re acting drunk and it’s like–” You glanced at the clock. “Seven in the morning.”

“And what about it? I missed you,” He grumbled, an adorable frown on his lips.

“Ah,” You sighed, shaking your head. “Go splash water on your face, you dummy. Then you’ll wake up properly.”

He still didn’t budge. And so, using every single ounce of your strength, you had to carry him all the way to the bathroom as he was still clinging onto you like a koala.

After a few minutes, with the sound of the bathroom sink splashing in the background, you finally managed to start cooking something. But then the door clicked open and you looked up. Hyunjae, his eyes finally open, was blushing so hard that you couldn’t even conceal your laugh anymore.

“Missed me?” You remarked.

He winced in response, his cheeks continuing to flame red.

“I don’t know what got into me,” He muttered, refusing to look you in the eye.

You beckoned him over and he finally looked up at you shyly.

“It was cute,” You teased. “You’re cute when you’re sleepy.”

“And what else?” He quickly recovered.

Your breath hitched. Ah, you thought. There he was. The usual Hyunjae when he was fully awake. The one who loved to tease you until you were blushing and hiding your face. 

“Don’t do this again,” You groaned.

“Do what?”

“That.”

“You’ll have to elaborate on that, sweetheart.”

You raised an eyebrow at the nickname, completely unfazed. But when your eyes traveled down, that was when you realized just how close he was. He continued to lean forward until he was caging you against the counter, both of his hands on either side of you. It wasn’t the flirting that got you, it was his body encompassing you so, so effortlessly, making you feel smaller than you really were. 

He chuckled. “Cat got your tongue?”

Oh, this is definitely how best friends act. You were one hundred percent sure about that. 

He smirked, tilting his chin down, as his hand traveled from the edge of the counter down to your hip. 

Fifty percent. 

His eyes wandering elsewhere–somewhere along the lines of your lips.

One percent.

“The breakfast is going to burn,” You stuttered.

He simply licked his lips, his gaze fixated on yours.

“I can always try something else.”

You were screwed.

The first day of Hyunjae’s new job was the very last day of your brief vacation from work. With a sigh, you scrolled through the shows and movies, only for you to ultimately turn off the TV in boredom. You weren’t going to beat around the bush and refuse to admit that you felt lonely without him. Of course, you saw him in the morning, already dressed in a suit (that fit amazingly on him, dare you add), but it was only for a short moment.

He still had nightmares but they were becoming less and less frequent. Sometimes, when they happened, you would just pull him closer and he would immediately relax with a small sigh, almost like you had the superpower to eliminate his night terrors.

And sleeping together never was awkward again. In fact, you adequately enjoyed it–his arms around you and vice versa. Did best friends regularly cuddle at night and gaze at each other for so long that your heartbeat started to speed up? That… you weren’t quite sure about.

Yawning, you found yourself lying down, spreading across the couch. You didn’t even do much today yet your eyes still threatened to shut close.

At some point, you blinked your eyelids open once you heard the door unlocking. Sitting up, you smiled softly at the sight of Hyunjae opening the door. His tie was already loose and his hair was blown up from the wind. Squinting your eyes, you then noticed that he was practically stumbling into the entrance, almost like all of his coordination had dissipated. 

His eyes were droopy and his lips pouted from what you would guess to be exhaustion. Everyone’s first day of work was like that. You watched as he set down his work bag and walked over to you, very… very slowly.

“How was work?” You questioned, looking up at him.

And just like last time, he didn’t respond. Silently, he leaned forward and literally–very literally–laid on top of you. His body weight pulled you back down to lie on the couch and his arms were snaking around you as his legs tangled with yours. Speechless, you felt as he nuzzled back into your neck, just like he’s begun to do so often now.

“You look gorgeous today,” He whispered, his voice very oddly slurred.

Your breath hitched. “Are you drunk?”

He looked up at that and you practically choked on air once you realized how close his face was to yours. And then he smiled languidly and shook his head.

“Are you sure?” You searched him for any sign–red cheeks, the scent of the alcoholic drink–yet you couldn’t find any. 

“I’m just tired,” He mumbled, planting his face back into the crook of your neck.

“Okay,” You laughed. Gently, your hand came up to his broad back to rub it in circles, the material of the suit rough and honestly quite unsatisfying. But still, you persisted once you felt his tense muscles slowly soften. Slowly though, you came to a stop. “Hyunjae.”

“Hm?” He hummed.

“You need to take a shower,” You huffed. “C’mon.” With all of your power, you pushed him up and off you. Again, his head tilted to the side with a tired smile. You laughed and shoved him until he finally obliged and went off to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, you were left there, contemplating his strange behavior. He never acted this clingy before. Not even for the years that you’ve known him. It was only after that particular night that he started to… do this.

When he was done showering, he stepped out. You had hoped that he would be more awake now, but it seemed he was even drowsier than before–too tired to even dry his own hair. With a click of your tongue, you motioned him over to sit down. Like a puppy, his eyes brightened at the sight of you as he obediently followed.

“You’ll catch a cold,” You ridiculed with a worried frown.

After finding a towel, you stepped in between his legs. Carefully, you began to dry his damp hair, marveling at the way his hair curled up after a shower. You rubbed his scalp, making your way around and behind his ears. When you peeked at his expression, you stifled a laugh at the way he basically fell asleep under your touch.

Once you deemed his hair dry enough, you were about to walk away but instead, he abruptly stood up, swaying slightly. And then he fell forward, pulling you into a warm embrace.

You smiled fondly. “Tired?”

It seems that when Hyunjae was tired, he never answered any of your questions, funnily enough. A lot of his answers were just “I missed you” or a small hum. But this… this answer was different. It was spoken so quietly, so softly yet it perfectly resonated through your ears. 

“I love you.”

Before you could even say anything or really do anything, he was reluctantly pulling away and heading to the bedroom. Your lips parted as your eyes fixated on absolutely nothing. Just– space. Your whole body had gone rigid as you simply stood there, processing his words. You couldn’t even blink. 

Best friends… say that too, don’t they?

It started to become a pattern for the whole first week of his new job. When he was actually fully awake, he told you that the work was demanding yet he never looked so happy and content. Sometimes, you wondered what his past work was like, but you never prodded.

But, because the work was just so demanding, every single day, from Monday to Friday, he came home exhausted. And any person would expect him to just head straight for bed. But like you said, it was a pattern, a usual thing, that he would cling on to you. Apparently, something had shifted in him. Originally, when you saw him exhausted, he would become closed off. But after… that night, he acted almost intoxicated. Not on a drink. But simply off being tired.

You found it endearing actually. His voice was always quieter and he often stumbled over his words this way. His eyes were dazed and soft on yours and he also became ten times heavier as he liked to lay all of his weight on you when he pulled you into a hug. He constantly just seemed to be in a completely different mindset–one that was very… loving and… yeah– different.

He liked to say things too. Slurred and quiet, but he still very clearly said them. You could never figure out if he meant them or if he was just tired and rambling things for the fun of it.

He said “I misssed you” a lot. Occasionally, he would blurt out that you looked pretty or beautiful. Or, it would be a small “hi” accompanied by a shy smile. Sometimes, if he was too tired to say much, he would just giggle over nothing in particular. But… there was one specific phrase that he would say out of the blue.

“I love you.”

That one always left you perplexed. It could be a… platonic thing to say, right? Where did the word “love” come from? You didn’t think much of it, but you couldn’t help but feel some sort of spark of light in the very depths of your heart.

It was weird, really. An out-of-this-world, alien-like thing for a best friend to say. The words I, love, and you arranged in that particular order were never syllables Hyunjae ever let fall from his lips. He never spent any particular ounce of breath to say them. 

Yet now he did.

For some odd reason.

But again, he was just tired. Surely.

And just like before, the pattern started all over again. The week was coming to a close so maybe you wouldn’t hear those words again after this. But you didn’t really mind altogether. With a tired sigh, you walked out of the room, now changed out of your work clothes and into something more comfortable.

Right on cue, the main door was unlocking, and once again, the pattern began to unweave itself. He would walk in, with the occasional misstep and stumble. And like usual, he looked tired. Though, you envied his ability to still look… attractive. And then he would look up, search for a particular someone, and do that stupidly lazy smile–the one where his eyes weren’t focused on anything but you.

“What are you doing here?” He giggled–he giggled now, apparently.

You eyed him, completely apathetic. “You let me stay here temporarily, remember?”

He blinked at you with an adorable pout. And then he nodded. “You’re right.” He smiled. “Aren’t you smart?” He pinched your cheek. 

Scowling, you wrestled his hands off. And for the first time this week, you finally decided to question his bizarre behavior.

“Why are you acting like this?” You whined, holding him up by his arms so he wouldn’t fall over you like he had done the day before.

“Because I missed you,” He grumbled, his eyes struggling to stay open. “Now let me–”

“Agh,” You groaned. But still, your hands fell to your sides as you let him wrap his arms around your torso, bringing you close to his chest. Whatever made him happy, was your motive. And totally not, I secretly enjoy this.

It was quiet for a few moments, just the sound of his slow breathing against your earlobe. For a minute, you worried that he had fallen asleep already, but he spoke again.

“Have I mentioned how uncomfortable this suit is?” He mumbled. “It’s very hot and–”

You didn’t even say anything. With a sigh–one that wasn’t particularly annoyed, but more… doting–you stepped away. He stared at you in both drowsiness and slight confusion, but his eyes slowly widened once he realized that you were taking off the jacket for him. Gently, you pulled it off his shoulders and down his arms, your eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration.

He was quiet, simply watching as your fingers grasped his tie, unloosening it with a sharp pull, causing him to lurch forward, his lips startlingly close to yours. 

“Interesting,” He teasingly remarked, but his voice was still slurred.

“Shut up,” You snapped yet there was no malice behind your tone.

Your hands then came up to his collar, unbuttoning the first few buttons to reveal slightly past his collarbones which… you’ve already accidentally witnessed before. With a friendly pat on his shoulder, you deemed him undressed enough. He slowly turned his gaze to you and your breath hitched at the sight– his work attire now loose with his hair slightly messy… ah. Not to mention, his tilted head and sleepy expression that only made things worse.

Clearing your throat, feeling your cheeks burn, you scrambled off somewhere to shove a change of clothes into his hands and left abruptly, your heart thumping. Soon enough–you didn’t know when because you were busy contemplating all of your feelings and the meaning of life–he walked into the bedroom. Undoing the made bed, you motioned him to climb in. Obediently, he followed and you pulled the blankets over him.

“Y/n,” He muttered, grasping your wrist before you could walk away.

“Hm?”

“...love you,” He whispered.

Again, he was just rambling. He was just saying things. He had stumbled over his words and his voice was quiet, so that meant that he didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean any of it. It was all fake–

“I love you,” He repeated—clearer, louder this time without an inch of hesitation. And this time, he was looking straight up at you, his cheeks slightly pink, flushed.

Maybe it was more real than you had thought.

The first week was over, meaning Hyunjae was more situated at work and most importantly, less exhausted. On the first day of his new, non-intoxicated-on-fatigue persona, he had simply greeted you and strolled past. You wouldn’t admit it fully to him but that simple interaction that did better fit what you guys were–best friends–left you feeling empty inside.

But it was fine. It was just a one-week thing.

Until it wasn’t.

The next day, the pattern appeared again, but it wasn’t… like before.

He was fully awake this time yet he still–

“Hyunjae?” You stammered. The arms wrapped around your waist tightened further as he stood behind you, hooking his chin over your shoulder, and breathing out a low sigh. And now that he was newly… conscious, he did more. His hands began to wander over you in soothing shapes and he pressed his chest further against your back.

“Just stay here with me.” 

You could see his soft smile in the corner of your eye. With a bothered huff, you turned to face him, only for you to inhale sharply at how close he actually was and how… nice his cologne smelt. Oh, and his hands were still wandering.

“I thought you only acted like this when you’re tired?”

He shook his head, shifting even closer, his warmth encompassing you comfortingly.

“Do you want to know something about me?”

“I know a lot about you,” You joked.

But he was quiet, a serious silence befalling the two of you. You gulped and whispered a small “what is it?”

You could hear him huff out in amusement, his hands never failing to leave your waist. “While I was away–when I was at my lowest–I thought of someone all those years.”

And for some reason, you knew exactly what the answer was. 

But still, your voice tremored. “Who?”

A squeeze on your waist.

“You.”

Shutting your eyes, you breathed out a shaky sigh and looked down to where he was still hugging you from behind. Your heart was thumping and you were sure he could hear you. And even if he could make out the pounding, he never budged once. Not once did he stop tightening his arms around you and not once did he cease to bury his nose somewhere into your skin, leaving shivers down your spine.

With your heartbeat practically reaching your ears, you nudged him and turned around so that now, you were facing him. Without his dazed, sleepy look, it was just his soft eyes and the slightest tug of his lips, an endeared smile. Without his exhaustion that often left him sluggish, it was just his firm, stronger arms that held you so easily.

“Hyunjae,” You whispered. 

“Sweetheart,” He replied, his voice gentle and content. And before, you wouldn’t have paid a single ounce of attention to that nickname because it just seemed like how best friends would fool around. But now… things were different and you weren’t sure how exactly. And so the name sweetheart now left your cheeks flushing.

You swallowed thickly, your breath shortening. “Do you know how much you confuse me?”

His smile only grew. “Elaborate on that.” A pause. “Sweetheart.”

You sighed, biting your lip with mortification. “That. The nickname.”

“Sweetheart? You never said you didn’t like it, I can stop if you want—“

“Don’t!” You rushed to say. You blushed more once you realized he was teasing you again, his eyes glinting with amusement. “Not just the nickname. Everything.”

“Like what?” He stepped closer if that was even possible.

You gazed up at him and you were sure you looked frustrated right now, judging by his fond smile. He always said you looked cute when mad.

“You say that you miss me all the time.”

“Because I do.” He dipped his head lower to look at you with those foolish, puppy-like eyes. “I think of you whenever I’m at work.”

“But,” You exhaled shakily. “Do you realize that you say something else?” 

You were sure he wasn’t aware. He didn’t seem to be in the right state of mind whenever he was exhausted. So maybe, he would just stare at you in utter confusion, deny it, and this whole… feeling fiasco would be done and dealt with. But then—

“That I love you?”

Your lips parted in surprise and you peered up at him, wondering if he was just taking a wild guess. But no, the soft, genuine look on his face said it all.

“You… knew?” You stuttered.

“Of course I did,” He chuckled softly. “And I meant every single one.”

Eyebrows furrowing, you stepped backward from shock. Aas you avoided his eyes, you missed the nervousness and the unsureness that flitted across his face. But, just that one step away left chills down your body–as if being away from Hyunjae and his embrace wasn’t even natural anymore.

And so you stepped forward again. Immediately, you could hear a low sigh of relief escape Hyunjae’s lips and feel his hands snake back around your waist protectively. You weren’t sure what expression was on his face though, as you were very adamant on staring directly at his tie–his chest. You knew that he could still see your reddening cheeks, but you still preferred not to look him in the eye. 

“That,” He said quietly. “You’re also quite confusing too.”

“Wh-what?” 

“Stepping away and stepping back,” He spoke softly. “Looking me in the eye but refusing to when I say that I love you.” One of his hands left your waist to gently guide your chin up. “So look at me now.” 

“I…” You trailed off, feeling yourself go weak just from his soft, loving gaze.

“And one more thing.” He tilted his head teasingly.

A pause. A great moment of silence.

“You don’t say it but you show it.”

“Hyunjae,” You breathed out, your heart beating like a loud, intense drum.

“I wasn’t completely unaware.” He smirked. His hand had already left your chin and found its place back to your waist, yet you found yourself staring straight into his dark eyes, stuck in a trance. “I know that you dried my hair with a towel–that you even undressed me. I know that you took care of me.”

You did do that all on your own accord, simply because you thought that you were being a perfectly good friend. But now that you thought about it–you didn’t have to. You could have easily pushed him off, and told him to do everything on his own but you didn’t. And it was all because you–

“So tell me then,” He whispered, his voice quiet–only for you to hear, almost like he wanted you all to himself. “What are we?”

You held your breath, your cheeks growing hot. Your hands rested on his chest and you could feel his heart pound, exactly like yours. He felt the same, you realized. With a shaky sigh, you gazed up at him.

“What do you want us to be?”

He hummed, a soft smile on his lips. “What do I want?” 

He slightly reworded your question and you wondered why. But you nodded, your eyes studying his features. His handsome features. They were sharp when you had met him in that hallway. But his keen eyes, the angle of his eyebrows, his perpetual frown–they were just soft, soft on you. No longer was there a frown, but just an affectionate smile.

“What do you want?” You repeated his question, your voice hushed to a whisper.

He leaned in, his gaze warm and gentle, his eyes wandering over each and every detail of your face.

“I want to love you.”

You had expected to inhale sharply, gasp maybe–but no. Because everything made sense to you now. His kind words, his soft and fleeting touches across your body, it all pointed to one thing. And so, instead, you smiled shyly.

“Then love me.”

And just like that, his grip on your hips tightened and he turned you around so that your back was facing the door. He was walking you backward until you felt the hard surface against your shoulder blades and he was leaning down, close enough that if he inched further, he would be kissing you. But he didn’t–not yet.

“May I?” He muttered, looking over you with slight concern. 

You nodded, embarrassingly with a bit too eagerness. He laughed softly and then he was fitting his lips against yours as your eyes fluttered closed. The press of it was gentle and tender as he tilted your chin up and angled himself so that it was more comfortable. The kiss was unlike any that you’ve experienced before. It was like the tension that had built up before had completely broken down, as you allowed yourself to just fall.

Fall, physically, almost because you felt your knees go weak, with only the door behind you to hold you up. But his hand traveled back down to your waist, hooking you in against his body, keeping you steady as he muffled a groan against your lips. You couldn’t hear anything but his breathing and the thumping of your own heart. 

All you could think of was him–how he could so easily change from rough to soft, how he could push forward so quickly but pull away so easily to allow you a gasp of breath, and how he could make your heart pound yet lull it into a steady rhythm of love. He kissed like he could devour you, but if you decided to peek an eye open, you would see his adorably furrowed eyebrows and his flushed cheeks, showing that he wasn’t anything like that.

He was just a man who needed a bit of a sweetener in his life.

With a quiet noise, he pulled away. Immediately, his eyes searched over your features, making sure that you were okay and that he didn’t do too much. But, when you gave him a smile, your eyes flitting nervously, he grinned and leaned in to grant you another soft kiss.

“How long?” You laughed shyly.

“I came to the realization when you tried to cheer me up whenever I was tired. But I think I’ve already felt this way for a while.” He replied. He pinched your cheek again. “All those dates and extra care that you gave me…very cute thing to do.”

Your eyes went wide. “You… noticed?”

“I notice a lot of things, sweetheart,” He teased. “Like how you’re grabbing onto my suit to pull me into a kiss right now.”

“O-oh,” You stammered, letting go of his crumpled collar. “I didn’t realize I–”

He shook his head and before you could finish your sentence, he was cupping your cheek–something that he’s never done before–and guiding you back to his lips. And this time, his tongue swiped against your lip, making you gasp quietly.

“You taste like candy.” His gaze fixated on your lips.

“I didn’t know you could…” You had to stop for a second to catch your breath. And it wasn’t just because of his exceptional kissing, but it was the beat of your heart, of all of your love. “...you could kiss like that.”

“What can I say?” He tilted his head with a teasing look. “I guess I have a sweet tooth.”

“Trust me on this,” Younghoon whined. “I followed the instructions to the very dot. They’ll taste good. Promise.”

You eyed him skeptically but still, you picked up one of the cookies that he had baked. They looked a little… off, but it should be fine. Taking a bite, you took note of the odd texture, and then the taste started to register on your tongue.

You coughed. You choked. And then you threw the cookie back on the plate. 

“Bitter,” You gagged. “It’s so bitter.”

“What?” He cried. “Are you kidding me–”

Your eyes lit up once you remembered your boyfriend who was sitting next to you on the couch. He was busy on his computer, doing some sort of work report but you ignored that, turning to him and grasping his collar tightly. You pulled him in, pressing your lips to his, causing him to let out a small “mmph” in surprise.

But almost instantly, he turned into jelly from your touch, a smile growing on his lips as his eyes fluttered close. He had tried to deepen it desperately but you pulled away shortly after, leaving him to chase after your lips adorably.

Younghoon gawked. “I’m right here.”

“So?” You shrugged, smiling innocently. “At least he tastes sweet.”

“Oh my god,” Younghoon mumbled, getting up to throw the cookies into the garbage can. 

Meanwhile, Hyunjae was staring at you in a daze, his cheeks flushed. But, he quickly recovered and he was quick to pounce on you, pressing kisses all over you once Younghoon had left.

“A warning next time would be great.”

He was now hovering over you on the couch, caging you under his arms and his computer long forgotten. The position left you flushing but it was also the perfect one to knee him in the stomach.

He winced in pain. "What was that for?"

"A warning, you said," You mocked. "When literally yesterday you kissed me up against a wall in your own workplace."

"That's an exception." He smirked. "You liked it, didn't you?"

"I..." You blushed, remembering the way he had kissed you so fervently, dressed in that suit and tie, the thrill of getting caught still running through your veins. "It was alright."

"Sure, sweetheart," He whispered in a teasing tone. He looked annoying handsome like this, with that amused smile that contrasted his soft, loving gaze. "Then I'll make sure you like this one."

Oh, how you despised him.

And then his lips were on yours again, swallowing up any shy noises that threatened to escape you. But just before he did, he had whispered three quiet words against your lips.

"I love you."

And how you loved him too.

[ushidoux]

Good Teacher - Sugawara x Reader

Summary: You meet Sugawara on an online dating app expecting something tame, but get more than you expected. (~3.1k words)

Warnings: fem pronouns, fem!reader, some features are described ***, dom/sub dynamics, collaring, daddy kink, breathplay, dacryphilia, spanking, edging, toy use, restraint use, sub drop

A/N: Again, this was a commission so some features are described!! Otherwise, please enjoy my first longer BDSM fic.

---

Being alone in your bedroom at 9pm on a Friday night may have felt like a loss on any other day, but today, with your phone buzzing non-stop and every neuron in the sexy parts of your brain firing, you could not think of anything else you would rather do.

Well, actually you could think of a few, and most of them involved slipping out of your pajamas and slipping under your new flame.

Sugawara Koushi.

A name like that sounded sweet. Maybe even bland. Safe.

When you’d swiped right on his profile on the tamer of your social media apps, you’d expected someone mild-mannered and easy to speak to. He was an elementary school teacher with soft features, white hair and a cute mole under his left eye. He couldn’t possibly be as forward as the other guys you’d dealt with over the years. A tame, responsible choice.

You’d started texting back and forth quickly, with polite, formal introductions which progressed to cute messages and long phone calls, and you’d even managed a very chaste first date where he’d picked you up at 8pm on the dot and taken you to a fine restaurant on the water.

You normally would have expected to be dicked down that night, and had paired sexy lingerie under your silky mauve dress for exactly that, but you weren’t too surprised when he left you at your doorstep with a peck on the forehead.

The only unsettling thing about the kiss was the way his eyes had lingered on your lips, just as his fingers trailed the curve of your jaw as he tucked your hair behind your ear. It was too practiced, too… dominant.

You suspected he was holding something back.

And he was, because once you’d ventured to call in the middle of the night, a little bit tipsy and yearning for a little bit more than a smile and a gentle touch from him, you’d broken some sort of dam.

He’d called you a needy, desperate, pretty little slut, desperate for Daddy’s cock but needing to prove herself that she was willing to ride with Daddy’s very, very strict set of rules first, and you’d practically cum at the sudden turn of his voice.

Now anything was fair game.

I have… particular taste. Are you sure you can keep up, princess?

The warmth between your legs and the image of full balls and a weighty, rigid cock told you, you would absolutely be ready for anything he had in store for you. 

Yes, daddy. I’m up for anything you want.

You, of course, couldn’t see the wide smile spreading across his face on the other end, as he palmed his cock slowly while reading your texts and admiring your nudes, and texted back:

We’ll need a shit ton of rope.

---

Sugawara’s hands are much larger than you’d anticipate, and rougher, and you wonder how much of it is due to high school athletics or from the fact that he’s quick to slap or spank you at any chance he gets. Your skin is sometimes red, sometimes bruised, and always marked, and it’s exactly the way you like it.

The first time you have sex, he starts you off as though you are the most shy of virgins even though you claim that you’re not exactly inexperienced.

“I wouldn’t want to break you, pretty girl,” he teases, as his hands worship your body, tracking down your waist to the center of your legs, and patting your cunt softly. Today, he’s promised to focus on your pleasure only because he wants to “break you in.” You wonder how many he’s “broken in,” then you realize you don’t really care. You’re his one and only princess right now, and you intend to be for quite a while. 

The pleasure of being a good dom is that he can choose to serve - he can choose to be doting and he can choose to be harsh with punishment. Since it’s your first day since you’ve entered this contract with him, he’s decided to focus on the catering part of his personality, and familiarize you with his desires.

The rose-gold Turian collar on your neck compliments your skin well, he takes note, as he takes one of your nipples in his mouth and leans you against him while you are seated on the edge of the bed and he’s kneeling just so before you, fingers deep in your cunt.

“You’re gonna keep that pretty little thing around your neck, aren’t you, pretty baby?”

His fingers move so fast that it’s hard for you to speak, and the arm that’s wrapped around your waist and keeping you flush against him is tightening the longer he continues. He’s a lot stronger than he looks, you know from every heavy spank he’s given you.

“I-I will, daddy, every day and every night,” you pant out, your tongue lolling as his fingers curve upwards and his lips leave your nipple with a soft pop and make their way to your quivering mouth.

“Good,” he whispers as he bites your lower lip. “You’re so obedient… I like that in a little one,” he affirms.

---

He’s kind when he teaches, patient even. 

He’s also generous; he gifts you with your first corset, a dark, lacy and tight thing that almost takes your breath away initially, especially when he tightens it onto you himself. Even if it’s constraining, you feel empowered from the very moment you look in the mirror. Your breasts sit high, and you spin once in a gesture of delight; he kisses down your neck as you admire yourself.

“This is only to get you used to a little bit of restriction,” he reassures, as he pulls you into his lap. “But I can’t deny that you look breathtaking.”

---

Since you’ve been so bold as to take his breath away, it isn’t too long until he decides he wants to see what you look like when you’re truly struggling for air. After all, the little shiny thing around your neck catches his eye way too often for his comfort, and his pants suddenly feel too tight for a casual grocery store run.

Your safeword is red, like the blood that courses through your veins as his fingers tighten around your throat.

He thumbs your pink, puffy lips, and it would be loving if he wasn’t calling you a stupid little cocktease.

“Pretty little bambi, prancing around like you’re free to be with anyone other than me.”

The breath that tickles your face is a taunt, because you’re slowly getting lightheaded, barely able to focus on the long index finger he’s commanding you to suck. 

The pressure he puts on your neck is varying; for moments you can draw a single staccato breath, which encourages him to press his lips to yours and absorb you in a kiss before he reapplies pressure; his naked body presses against yours, rolling painstakingly slow. He hasn’t even entered you yet.

Breathplay, he calls it.

You gasp as his cock slips into your wet entrance just as fast as his hand leaves your throat, and he too draws a deep breath as he fills you to the hilt. 

He lets out a soft laugh as he caresses the hair that is sticking to your face, and readjusts himself yet again - of course, he’s also better endowed than you’d expect him to be - before he picks up speed and chokes you again.

---

“I… Kou-”

“Daddy,” he stresses, unphased as he continues to press a small clitoral stimulator to your tender, overworked bud.

“D-Daddy~” you cry out in a soft, drawn out whine, and you shift a little bit because the ties that keep your ankles attached to the legs of the chair, your pussy exposed and vulnerable with your crotch wide open, are starting to dig into your skin. But you can’t move all that much, there’s additional rope around your waist that keeps you against the back of the chair and you think the soft satin that keeps your wrists behind you is probably overkill, even if you have to admit you like the color.

“Yes, sweetheart~” he whispers in a voice accented with assertive sweetness, his eyes still lowered and focused on the heave of your chest as he watches you drip before him.

“I-” 

You scream.

He’d angled the toy upwards, and somehow within the small bundle of nerves he’s targeted an even more precise cluster of endings - there’s a flash of white you see before you cum practically violently, lurching forward so rapidly that he has to keep the chair steady so that you won’t fall over on the pretty little face he adores.

It’s possibly the fourth time he’s had to ground you in the past hour, and it’s an act of mercy because he had been edging you repeatedly, forcing your pussy to clench desperately around nothing but air.

The way you gush and spray so lewdly onto the chair, onto the floor, onto the hand he plays on your sopping wet pussy reminds him he chose very, very well.

---

It’s nearly silent and it’s dark now, far too dark for you to see. 

Your Koushi has prepared you for this next step lovingly, sometimes not so lovingly over the past couple of weeks to build up to this.

The blindfold that obscures your vision is soft and slightly sweet smelling, as though spritzed with a floral scent about a day ago prior to this. Again your hands are bound, but he’s used lined handcuffs instead of ties, and your wrists are before you, not behind you. 

But you’re lying on your belly, a spreader forcing your thighs apart. He must really love the way your pussy looks staring him in the face.

“You seem to be a glutton for punishment, princess,” he says, accenting his words with a hard slap on your inner thigh. You gasp, but his hands linger tighten, and are then followed by what can only be the press of his tongue against the stinging portion.

“Daddy, I’ll behave, I’m so sorry,” you moan as his hand grips a generous portion of your asscheek.

But you won’t behave, because you’ve learned that Suga likes just a touch of bratty behavior and that gets him quite physical with you. He knows this just as much as you.

He slaps your ass fervently, the slight jiggle drawing a pleased sigh from his lips.

“You’re a silly little slut, though…” he starts, rubbing a hand along the length of your thigh, “how can I trust any of your promises?”

His finger travels to your open center, and when he sees you tense up, he stops.

“You need a firm hand to guide you always…”

His right hand curves again around your cunt and his middle and ring finger finds its way into your slippery hole, while his index taps your clit and his little finger (he’s dexterous like this), taps ever so lightly around your asshole. 

You shudder.

“Arch your back, you little cumslut. Make it easy for daddy.”

As you inch backwards slowly using your elbows and knees to rise up, his right hand continues to move with you, but then his other hand lands heavily on your other asscheek.

It breaks your concentration and you almost fall because it takes quite a lot more energy than you would expect to move this way with your hands bound and your legs spread, but you persevere. 

For him.

Before you can whine once you’ve gotten into position, he withdraws his hand from your cunt.

“No!” You find yourself shrieking before you realize. You can’t have him edge you again, he’s absolutely cruel, you can’t…

“Oh, I thought I called the shots here, princess,” Sugawara reminds you, voice honeyed and cruel. You can feel his fingers weave into your hair and the warm tip of what must be his cock prod at your entrance.

“Sir, please~”

“Beg.”

He spreads you open with a hand massaging your ass, again tapping teasingly all around your vagina, but he won’t push in to give you the pleasure of having his cock inside you.

Your heart is pounding with desire.

“Please!”

“Please what?”

“Please fill me up, daddy!”

That statement of desire earns you an inch, an inch that makes you swallow saliva hard and your muscles tense with need and want.

“M-more, more please!”

“You’re so demanding. I would say your eyes are bigger than your pretty little pussy, but you can’t see, can you?”

He laughs, but he pushes in further another inch, than another, moving painstakingly slow, slow enough that you’re biting your lower lip until blood is drawn. The stretch is achingly delicious but it leaves you starved for more.

You’re begging and whining, and soon you’re trying your best to sink onto him further but he’s got you restrained for a reason.

“Greedy little bitch,” he murmurs, but he kisses your neck lovingly as he fills you to the hilt.

The unmistakable noise of flesh hitting flesh and minimal friction fills the room but you care less about sound, only about the slap of his balls against your cunt as he thrusts into you from behind.

More. Deeper. Faster. Harder.

He’s a master at drawing desire out of you, you wonder if you even needed these toys and ties and other accoutrements. You’re already so utterly wrapped for him. 

---

There’s a movie playing on your screen that you had both been pretending to watch, cuddled together on the couch, your legs resting across his lap. You had barely gotten through the opening credits before he pulled you onto him fully and had you straddle him.

“You want a snack, pretty baby?” He whispers, as though it weren’t just the two of you staring in each other’s eyes.

Your eyelashes bat and you nod.

He doesn’t break eye contact while he reaches for a strawberry, fresh from the farmer’s market you’d strolled through this morning, from a bowl set on the table. 

This one is drizzled in chocolate, and he runs it along the length of your collarbone, eye contact still heavy and unflinching before he dips down to catch it in his mouth.

It hangs out halfway from his teeth and he cues you to take it from him mouth to mouth. You split half of it, letting the sweet tartness permeate your senses.

His arm hooks around your waist and pulls you in close as he presses his lips against yours. You weren’t aware of the glob of strawberry-flavored saliva he’d collected until he draws away, tilts your head back and tells you to open up wide so he can spit directly into your mouth.

---

“Swallow.”

Suga’s relentlessly pounding an erect, frustrated and thick cock into your mouth, past your teeth and down your poor throat, and he’s close to his release now, you can tell by the way he’s now pressed your face so far against him that his carefully cropped pubes prick your face.

He’s warning you beforehand, and you’re thankful for the warning because when he cums with a soft, almost angelic moan, his penis jerks inside your mouth ever so slightly, and there’s a gush of hot, slippery liquid that slides down your throat.

You breathe through your nose. He tastes sweet, maybe it’s because of the strawberries from just earlier today, but nevertheless it’s a pleasant liquid you gulp down around his cock.

He loves the way your throat feels when it clamps around him, especially when you initially gag once accepting his cock.

You’re perfect.

“Come up, darling,” he bids you, pulling you up from your position on your knees.

“Are you gonna fill me up, daddy?” You mewl softly as he lifts up and carries you before laying you on your back.

“Yes, pretty baby, but let me taste your juicy little cunt first,” he says before he dives in between your legs.

---

“You’re so good for me, you know that, don’t you?”

He kisses your neck softly as he holds you close to him while you lay in bed together. It’s close to 1am and he’s focused on aftercare, caressing your arms and waist and the curve of your hip gently. You’re facing away from him, not because you’re upset, but because you’re exhausted.

He’s worried you’re having a sub-drop; after all, he’s spent the last two hours slapping your face and calling you disgusting. He wonders if you forgot to use your safe word.

You’re new to this and he’s put you through a lot in the past few weeks.

“Sweetness,” he whispers, directly into your ear. “Look at me?”

You turn, cheeks still flushed from particularly hard slaps. His heart aches a bit for you, because those sweet lips are pulled downwards into a frown and he’s not sure if those are fresh tears that wet your eyelashes. 

He kisses your eyelids then rests his chin on the top of your head.

“Are you doing okay, my princess?”

You nod and reach for his face with your fingertips. Your dom softens under your touch because you are so precious to him. His fingers close around yours and he kisses your forehead.

“The most important thing is your comfort,” he asserts. He taps the collar around your neck that suggests in some way that you are his and he is yours. “You can take this off at any time.”

You wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face into his chest. It’s been fun and it’s also been freeing to have him take care of you. There’s a soft haze that wafts around your brain lately as you surrender to him. You are in love with him, deeply, in such a short amount of time.

“I would never,” you say, finally. 

His heart skips a beat.

“Unless you want to buy me a nicer one, of course.”

He chuckles. 

“You’re a feisty little one, aren’t you?” He remarks. He’s glad to look down at you and see you smiling again, eyes bright and brown. He reaches for your ass cheek, then raises your leg so that it lies across his hip. 

Your eyes twinkle with mischief.

“Well, that’s why you picked me to teach, isn’t it?” You raise an eyebrow, and the cheeky grin on your face is enough to make him get absolutely hard again.

Of course, only if you’re up to the task.

Suga bites gently on your lip again, his hand on your thigh. 

“I didn’t expect you to learn so quickly.”

“Maybe you really do have the gift of teaching,” you reply, as you stick your tongue into his mouth.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Four

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: a short update resolving where we left off last week, to be soon followed by another gwynriel bonus scene. after that i am never going off the tracks of my fic outline ever again.

***

Nesta is going to commit murder. She really is.

Gwyn is the first to hop out of bed, rapidly tugging her T-shirt down to cover her bare girl parts. “I can explain—” she starts.

“You.” Nesta points at Azriel, who’s still sitting shirtless and confused. “You. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Be more specific.” Azriel slides off the bed and picks up a pair of panties from the ground, trying to hand them to Gwyn. Gwyn smacks his hand away, but the sight enrages Nesta all the same.

She nods to herself, her thoughts whirling. “Actually, I’m really glad you’re here,” she says. “I was considering sparing you, but now my mind is made up.” She rushes at Azriel without warning.

“Whoa, whoa, wait!” Gwyn jumps in front of a wide-eyed Azriel, arms outstretched to fend Nesta off.

Nesta reaches past Gwyn’s shoulder and jumps, trying to grab Azriel, hit him, anything. “My sister and my best friend?” she seethes, batting at him. “My sister and my best friend?”

“The hell are you going on about?” Azriel snaps over Gwyn’s head.

“You really have no shame, do you?” Nesta succeeds in pushing Gwyn out of her way, and comes up chest to chest with Azriel, all fiery glares. “You think you can get away with whatever you want because you’re the cool uncaring one, and you probably can, but not with me. We’re the same person, jackass.”

Before Azriel can respond, slim arms grab Nesta around the waist and start dragging her backwards into the hallway. Gwyn lets go of Nesta and slams the door shut after them, leaving Azriel inside the room alone.

“This is way too much for me to be doing without underwear!” Gwyn yells at her. “Will you please explain yourself?”

“What do I have to explain? He should be explaining himself!” Nesta flings her arm toward the bedroom. It’s not like Azriel is any random hookup of Elain’s. He’s also Nesta’s friend, and Nesta expected better from him.

Gwyn drops her head and rubs her freckled temples in exhaustion. “It’s not like I wasn’t there, too. Are you even going to ask why we were together? Do you have any questions at all, or are you just going to break into my home and assume he took advantage of me?”

Nesta shuts her mouth. She didn’t ask any questions, did she? She hasn’t even considered Gwyn’s part in this.

She clears her throat, her voice strained from shouting. “I thought you were at work.”

“Clearly I’m not.” Gwyn crosses her arms, then immediately drops them to readjust her short T-shirt.

Nesta bites. “Why? How? Since when did you guys even talk to each other?” Even after catching Azriel flirting on their ski trip, Nesta couldn’t have predicted that he and Gwyn would end up here. It’s far too much of a leap.

“It’s really not what you think it is.” Gwyn twists a piece of ruddy hair between her fingers. “He’s just… helping me get back into the dating pool. We made an agreement, and he’s doing me a huge favor.”

Nesta’s jaw drops. “By eating you out?”

Gwyn’s teal eyes meet hers. “I can’t ever have a chance with Max if I freak out when he eventually tries to take my clothes off. Especially when I want him to take my clothes off. So I decided after the ski lodge that I needed to get comfortable with sex again, and I… recruited Az to help.” She shrugs like it’s nothing.

Nesta is left with more questions than before. “So,” she holds up a hand, “the thought of doing it with Azriel doesn’t scare you? Not even a little?”

Gwyn scoffs. “If I didn’t know him from elementary school, then it probably would. Unfortunately, I’ve firsthand seen the guy shove crayons up his nose.” She casts a glance toward the bedroom door and lowers her voice. “And I honestly don’t have any proof that he doesn’t still do it.”

That’s—unfortunately understandable. It also explains why Azriel has been comfortable with Gwyn from the start, though Nesta doesn’t know why Gwyn didn’t tell anyone about their shared history.

“Look, Nesta, I know he’s your roommate,” Gwyn continues, “but I think you overreacted a little back there.”

Right. Does Gwyn even know about Azriel and Elain? “It wasn’t because of you,” Nesta tries to explain. “It was because—”

Before she can finish, the door clicks open and Azriel comes out, thankfully clothed in his shirt and gym shorts. He slides his hands into his pockets and says, “I’m joining before any more unflattering things can be said about me.”

Nesta’s lip curls into a sneer at the sight of him. “I wouldn’t let you run away from me anyway.” She crosses her arms and faces him down. “You agreed to teach Gwyn how to get comfortable with sex?”

The hallway is crammed now with Azriel’s height taking up most of the space, but he doesn’t seem to care as he leans against the wall and answers, “Hell yeah.”

Nesta is more than suspicious and untrusting right now, but she pauses to wonder: does Azriel know why Gwyn has such trouble with intimacy in the first place?

It’s none of her business, she decides. Except now she’s even more wary. “What do you get out of this little deal, huh? Or do you just volunteer to have sex with my friends out of the goodness of your heart?”

“I’m getting guitar lessons out of it,” he says without hesitating. “But it’s also the goodness of my heart.” He smirks.

Gwyn throws a surprised look in his direction. Nesta is more than ready to smack the smirk off his face with her bare hand, but she settles for her words instead. “What would Elain say if she knew, Azriel?”

Azriel’s face goes cold. “She has nothing to do with this.”

“I wish she didn’t,” Nesta says. “Explain why I have to comfort her when she wonders why you abandoned her without even a text message while you get to play around with my friends without a care in the world?”

Azriel might as well be made of stone. “You talked to her?”

“You’re a coward,” she hisses. “Do what you want, but know that you’re a coward until you explain yourself to her.” Nesta lets out a ragged breath and drags her stare to Gwyn.

Gwyn shakes her head quickly and raises her hands in defense. “I’m just trying to get laid. Don’t bring me into this.”

Nesta pats her arm. “Of course not, babe.” The last thing she wants is Gwyn involved with either of her sisters—which is why it would be preferable if Gwyn avoided Azriel altogether.

Gwyn lets out a big “Phew,” and cuts an unreadable look toward Azriel. He avoids her gaze.

“Let me get you a drink,” Gwyn says quickly to Nesta, starting to steer her toward the kitchen. Nesta shakes her off and steps away. “It’s okay; I’ll leave now. Also, I can see your—” She waves at Gwyn’s lower half.

Gwyn chuckles awkwardly and tugs her shirt back down, her cheeks flaring red. “I’ll go get your sweater.” She rushes back inside her room, leaving Nesta and Azriel alone in the hall.

Azriel says nothing, but Nesta stares him down until Gwyn returns wearing a pair of shorts and carrying Nesta’s sweater. “Here, I already washed it for you.”

Nesta breaks her gaze with Azriel to take her sweater. “Sorry for breaking into your room,” she tells Gwyn. “I didn’t mean to ruin your…” She nearly gags trying to finish her sentence, so she doesn’t bother. Instead, she turns back to Azriel. “I’m excited to see how those guitar lessons pay off. You’ll give us all a performance when this is over, hm?”

He doesn’t bother responding, and Nesta takes her leave.

***

“I still can’t believe him,” Nesta is grumbling while she and Cassian get ready for bed. “How long is he going to stay in the reading nook like that? I can’t get to my books and he knows it.”

“He’s punishing himself since you won’t,” Cassian says as he towels off his damp hair. Water droplets speckle his bare chest. “He won’t go back to his room as long as he feels guilty about Elain.”

Once Nesta decided that getting vengeance for Elain’s broken heart would do more harm to the cabin ecosystem than good, she chose to contain her anger at Azriel by pretending that he simply didn’t exist. As for Azriel… Azriel has been sleeping on the loveseat in the upstairs reading nook for the past five days. The two of them haven’t spoken since Nesta caught him in Gwyn’s bedroom.

Cassian himself has many thoughts about the choices Azriel has been making lately, and a part of him knows it would be easier for everybody if he just forced Az’s sorry ass back to Velaris. But Nesta is involved in this, too, and she has yet to give the order to kick Azriel out. Rather, she seems content to either ignore him or to burn judgmental stares into him.

Out of love for Azriel, Cassian can’t help but be relieved.

Nesta scoffs in response to Cassian, slathering lotion onto her legs. “Bullshit. He’s punishing me by taking away my reading nook, the bastard.” Done with her legs, she searches around the bed for her glasses, squinting because she can’t see a thing.

Withholding his amusement, Cassian goes over to her and plucks her glasses from the top of her head, sliding them onto her face. She blinks and gives a rare smile up at him when she realizes she can see again, then soon frowns as she casts her gaze about the room. “Where’s my book? Did I leave it at home again?”

Cassian knows Nesta calls the apartment home out of old habit, but it still makes jealousy sting in his chest. “I’ll get you another one,” he offers. “What do you want?”

She gives him the title for something that has to do with erotic Vikings that he immediately recognizes. It’s on the top shelf in the reading nook. He promises to return with the book.

The rest of the cabin is dark by now, but Az is still wide awake and staring up at the wooden beams that criss-cross the ceiling when Cassian sneaks into the nook. Moonlight coming in through the glass door leading to the balcony illuminates both of them.

Cassian doesn’t know whether to feel exhausted or irritated, so he passes by his brother without a word to look for the book.

He already confronted Azriel earlier about what the hell was wrong with him, and got nothing out of the man. Not even an apology. At which point Cassian wanted to beat some sense into him the way they used to during their school days, but restrained himself through some godly miracle.

He’s trying—really trying—not to shove his nose into Azriel’s decisions like that. If he does, he’ll end up being just as bad as Rhys.

Finding the worn paperback boasting a shirtless Nordic god on the cover, Cassian turns to leave.

“You know Nesta can get her books herself, right?” Az’s voice sounds velvety in the darkness.

Cassian bristles. “Don’t start.”

“You mad at me too?”

Yes, Cassian is mad. Mad that he seems to be the only brother with a working brain anymore. “When do you plan on getting your shit together?” he says.

“How?” Az replies. “By apologizing to Elain or by leaving Nesta’s friend alone?”

Cassian still can’t wrap his mind around the fact that the Gwyn who used to shy away from talking to him ran straight into Azriel’s arms for sex advice. On one hand, good for her. On the other, Cassian wishes she had less messy taste. “Both,” he grits, getting frustrated.

Az shrugs, still staring up at the ceiling. “I’m keeping my promise to Gwyn. No matter what.” He sounds nonchalant, but Cassian knows he’s serious.

His grip on the paperback tightens, because that’s still not a real answer to his question. “I warned you when you moved in that you were walking a thin line, Az. I’ve been nice for the past week, but at some point you’re gonna have to tell me why I shouldn’t kick you out right now and save myself and Nesta the headache.”

Azriel finally meets Cassian’s eyes, and his gaze is unreadable. “Do it, if that’s what you want. I don’t care.”

Cassian’s face darkens with rage. “Just watch me, then.” He leaves before he can throw the book at Azriel’s head.

Back at their bedroom, Nesta takes one look at him and asks, “What happened?”

He tosses the book onto the bed and doesn’t come any closer. “I told Azriel I’d kick him out.”

Her brow furrows in concern. “Will you go through with it?”

No. And Az knows it too, the asshole.

Cassian takes in a shallow breath. “I just want to be a good brother.” It’s why he can’t stop giving Az chances, even when it inconveniences the woman he loves. “I want to be a good brother, a good partner, a good friend. I want to be all those things at once.”

Nesta’s lip quirks up. “You’re definitely better at all that than I am.” She rests her chin on one bent knee and frowns. “What else do you want to be?”

“That’s it.” His shoulders slump. “Nothing else.”

Nesta gives an amused huff. “All those things are for other people, though. Forget me and Azriel; what do you want to be for yourself, Cassian?”

What do you want? Cassian remembers her asking him a long time ago.

That… he doesn’t have an answer for. He rubs the back of his neck and stares at the ground. “I dunno,” he says, trying to sound flippant.

Looking up with a smile, he goes over to Nesta’s side of the bed and crouches at her side. “Who has time to think about all of that, anyway? I’m already happy doing exactly what I do.”

Still frowning, Nesta shifts on the bed so she can better face Cassian on the ground. “Do you really not know?” she says quietly.

Letting his smile drop, Cassian presses his lips into a wavery line.

She takes his face in her cold, thin hands, and he lowers his head onto her lap. A pounding has started up behind his eyes.

“It’s okay if you don’t know,” she says when he doesn’t speak. Her hand travels to the spot between his shoulder blades, and she pats his back in consolation. “You’ll find out. I’ll still be here when you do.”

He doesn’t lift his head, because if he does he might cry, so she keeps patting his back for a long while.

***

The next night Cassian finds himself in the kitchen, as he often does lately. The gnocchi for dinner is missing something, but he can’t tell what it is.

Swiping some pomodoro sauce from his wooden spoon with a finger, he goes over to the kitchen island and holds it out to Nesta. She licks it off his finger and says, “More cream,” before going back to her rant. “But really, does Eris want me to hurt him? Because if he keeps acting like this I’m going to physically hurt him.”

“You should do it if it makes you happy, babe,” Cassian says absentmindedly, more focused on checking the potatoes au gratin in the oven than on their conversation.

Two heavy, heart-attack worthy potato dishes on the same night, all because Nesta was in the mood for it. It sickens Cassian to think of the unhealthiness of it all, but these days it’s like he can’t stop himself from making food. It doesn’t matter whether the meal is fatty or not, as long as it tastes good enough for date nights.

By the time dinner is served and Cassian is settled in next to Nesta at the island, the topic of conversation has moved far away from Eris and law school.

“I used to be a fitness freak,” Cassian says mournfully as Nesta piles more and more cheese-covered potatoes onto his plate.

“Your abs look the same as the day I met you. You’ll be fine.”

Cassian didn’t even think about his abs. He presses a hand to his torso in worry. How long until those are gone, too?

“Eat.” Nesta shoves a fork into his hand and starts to dig into her own plate.

Cassian takes it reluctantly. “You know, this is bad for you too.” He realizes suddenly, “Have I been poisoning your health this whole time?” That’s even worse than the thought of losing his abs.

Nesta’s fork stops halfway to her mouth. The look on her face is disgusted enough to curdle milk, as if Cassian might change his mind and try to take her dinner away. She visibly swallows her feelings back and scoots closer to Cassian, spearing some of his gnocchi on her fork.

“Come on, we’ll clog our arteries together.” She pats his back the way she always does. “We’re here for a delicious time, not a long time.”

Cassian can hardly say no when he’s getting food shoved into his mouth without warning.

But despite his defeat with dinner, he’s joined by a sleepy and irritable Nesta the next morning in the home gym. She refuses to speak a word to him at such an early hour, but her compromise is loud and clear when she begins stretching and warming up. She’ll be here while he figures out whatever it is he wants to be for himself.

***

a/n: what do y’all think. is cassian overreacting, is nesta overstepping, or are they right and azriel is a menace who needs to be stopped (asking bc sometimes i cant tell when my mcs are being annoying)

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea

[juniorgman187]

Things We Know By Heart (Spencer Reid Fluff)

Summary: Reader teaches Spencer how to slow dance in preparation for his wedding. The only problem? Reader’s in love with Spencer, and she isn’t the bride. 

A/N: S/O to Kyla who bullied me throughout all of elementary school. Ik you’ve probably changed since then, but you literally traumatized and tormented me for more than six years of my life. So I felt like including you in this story as, “Kayla,” Spencer’s fiancé. Tehe, I’m petty like that.  Couple: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Category: Fluff Word Count: 6.5k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

I think we’d all like to believe that somewhere out there is our person. And somehow, someway, they’ll get to where they need to go, right where they belong. 

With us. 

That’s what I’d like to believe. 

I’d like to think that no matter what happens along our journeys to each other, we’ll arrive at the same destination regardless. 

But that isn’t necessarily true, is it? 

Because maybe, my soulmate got lost along the way. They met somebody great, someone they think is their person, and they married that person. They had kids and eventually, grandkids with that person, even though, deep down - they knew it wasn’t right. They stayed with them anyway because their fear of being alone superseded their fear of being with the wrong person for life. 

And what am I to do when that happens? When my person finds a different person. 

Am I supposed to believe that the universe will be so kind as to give my soulmate the courage to leave their relationship behind and forge a new one with me? 

Am I supposed to expect that the world will supply me with another person, the person I’m supposed to marry? 

Or do I simply wait for my person to come to the conclusion that they’re meant to be with me after all and my naive entitlement to a soulmate is validated?

Is life really that magical? 

This is the story of what happens when your person loves a different person.

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

With his hand at the nape of my neck to support my head and his other hand flat against the small of my back, he dipped me backward, leaning with me as I arched my back and bent the leg closest to the crowd, pointing my foot to elongate my leg artistically. This was our ending position so I remained in it until the song ended. The two of us bowed to thank the audience and to conclude our performance. Roses fell at our feet while the sound of applause echoed in the room. I was never a fan of being the center of attention, but there was something about this overwhelming praise that was particularly blissful. It was intoxicating. 

“I didn’t know you knew how to dance like that.” I gushed to my partner; my cheeks growing pink from the heat and the head rush I got. 

He positioned his mouth right beside my ear so I could hear his words clearly over the rowdy cheering. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Princess.” said Morgan.

A gauntlet formed to clap for us both when we walked off the dance floor. Hand-in-hand, Morgan led me back to the table through the double file line of people. The team howled with excitement when they saw me and Morgan approaching.

“So this is what you two were keeping a secret from us? That you’re dance partners?” JJ had to ask. 

“Yep. All those late nights and secret rendezvous.” Morgan said, shimmying his shoulders be suggestive of a sexual innuendo, which I was not a fan of. Out of mock offense, I chucked a small towel at him with a grouchy command to “Shut up!” 

He took the towel to the face like a champ, laughing it off and dabbing his sweat away. 

“I don’t know who was sexier up there - Princess or my Hubba Hubba!” Garcia squealed pretending to claw at Derek, reeling him over towards her. 

“You looked like a natural up there, Y/N. Were you a dancer before?” Prentiss questioned while handing me a glass of water that I desperately gulped down. 

“My mom sent me to dance classes as soon as I could walk.” I jokingly explained after gathering my hair into a makeshift ponytail and lifting it off of my neck, cocking my head to the side and fanning the back of my neck to cool down. 

“Maybe you should teach Reid how to dance before the wedding. He’s got two left feet and I don’t think he wants Morgan to teach him how to waltz.” JJ quipped, making Derek throw his head back in laughter. The thought of Morgan and Reid slow dancing would truly be something - something hilarious. I laughed, too, until Reid’s voice interrupted me.

“Yeah, that’s actually a really good idea. Would you mind, Y/N? Kayla would be so happy.” 

I thought he was joking, but his humorless expression told me otherwise. 

“You want me to teach you how to dance?” 

He pursed his lips and nodded, not understanding why I was so confused. 

“Um . . . yeah. I can do that. Sure.” My tone wasn’t very convincing, but Reid’s optimism made him oblivious to my reluctance. He smiled and hugged me with one arm around my shoulder. 

“I have to call Kay and tell her the good news.” Reid dashed away from the table, pulling out his phone to dial his fiancé. 

I darted toward JJ with fury and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her into the bathroom for privacy. 

“What the hell was that? ‘Oh, Y/N, you should teach him how to dance.’ You know how I feel about Reid!” 

Rather than giving me hostility back, she broke into a smile. “Exactly! If you spend more time alone with him, maybe he’ll finally admit to himself that he shouldn’t be marrying Kayla,”

I rolled my eyes and turned my back away from her. 

“We all know Spence would be happier with you.” 

As JJ spoke, I trudged to the nearest sink, holding onto the sides for stability as the ground below me swayed. She followed me, rubbing up and down my back comfortingly. 

“You know how he is. He keeps things to himself, until eventually they’re forced to come out. If you dance with him, maybe he’ll finally tell you he loves you without actually having to say it. Do this for him . . . and for you.” JJ gave me one last pat on the back before exiting the bathroom to leave me to my devices.

Normally, teaching a friend how to slow dance in preparation for his wedding would be sweet. It’d be a selfless gesture and an act of service for him that would show how much love there was in our friendship. In this case though, it was anything but. 

For the six months that Spencer and Kayla had been engaged, the team was relentless in trying to end it. I tried to stay out of it in case all hell broke loose, but I couldn’t escape it. No - I was at the very center of it. 

Before Reid even knew Kayla existed, he was head-over-heels in love with me. He’d ask me on coffee dates, wait by my desk for me, and he would always try to sit beside me at the round table or on the jet. It was sweet, really, but it could never go anywhere. 

I was in a committed relationship with my high school sweetheart Patrick. (Maybe Spencer had a thing for unavailable girls).

I moved in with Patrick after graduating from college, and after years of working in the BAU (and years of Spencer loving me) Pat proposed. At first, being engaged brought me so much joy, but halfway into our engagement, something changed.

I was in Wisconsin, consoling a grieving widow. She was hysterical after I delivered the treacherous news of her husband’s gruesome murder. She eventually calmed down and proceeded to ask me about my engagement when she noticed my ring. I gave her the bare minimum, fabricated a couple things here and there, but then she asked me the million dollar question. 

“Are you in love?” Her eyes glimmered with hope. 

My immediate answer was a habitual “Yes, of course.” But after seeing how deeply this widow loved her late husband, I couldn’t say in good conscience that that answer was actually true. 

That night I went to the hotel and lied on the bed, praying for clarity. 

Perhaps I wasn’t actually in love with Patrick. Maybe we’d been together for so long that it just felt safe and comfortable and familiar. Maybe it was the fear of disrupting the arrangement of my life that stopped me from ending things sooner. 

The fact of the matter was that I’d only ever known a life loving him, but that didn’t mean I was in love with him. Maybe I was settling for something with Pat, because I wasn’t sure if I could have a better relationship with anyone else. With all these doubts, I needed a sign. 

A knock on the door interrupted my inner dialogue. 

When I opened it, who else was standing there, but none other than Rossi.

“We need to talk.” He ordered. 

He followed me back into the room and sat at the foot of the bed. He said he noticed something was off about me, and I admitted that there was. So that night, I took advice I probably shouldn’t have from the man with multiple failed marriages, but it was a sign - and it was good enough.

When we returned to Quantico, I asked Hotch for some personal time, which he was happy to permit. That same night I went home and broke off the engagement with Patrick. 

I felt despicably cold when I watched him tear up and ask me, “Why are you doing this?” 

There was truly no concrete moment in our relationship that incited my decision, but it was merely the realization that being with him wasn’t right, because how could I stand there watching him beg for a change of heart but still feel nothing? 

Maybe I was much less than not in love. Maybe I didn’t feel a thing for him at all. Not hate. Not empathy. Not love. Just . . . nothing. 

Completely indifferent. 

Within the week of personal time I took, I spent most of it moving into Rossi’s guest house. After I came back from work, it took all of two hours before someone brought up the absence of the ring that I used to never take off, and I’d assumed they’d already noticed it the moment I walked in - they were just too afraid to ask.

“I ended things with Patrick.” I casually stated, not even looking up from my portfolio to give it the attention it probably deserved. 

While the rest of the team’s jaws dropped on the floor, Rossi was fighting a smirk considering this wasn’t news to him and having seen everyone else’s reactions was a priceless moment for him. 

There was a brief moment of awkward silence on the jet as the team processed my information, until finally Hotch cleared his throat and started debriefing again. In the seat next to me, Spencer was very poorly hiding his enthusiasm. Hearing I broke off the engagement was like a green light to make his move. And honestly, it was. 

So I waited. 

And I waited. 

And I waited. 

Then I waited some more for him to jump at the opportunity. 

But he didn’t. 

He never did. 

Instead, he introduced Kayla into our lives, and eventually, they’d get engaged, too. 

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t developed feelings for Spencer while I expected him to act upon his palpable affection for me. And because of my newfangled feelings, I could never tell another soul that I sincerely believed Spencer got engaged just to spite me - to show me just how painful unrequited love was. 

The strangest part of it all, though, was that there was never a moment following the ending of my engagement and the birth of his own that showed me that his feelings went away. He never treated me differently or stopped talking to me. Even in the early stages of his relationship with Kayla, he continued to act like I was the only girl in his life. He was so consistent with his actions that it confused me.

Did he love me or not? And was I in love with him or not?

Evidently, the team seemed to have my answer. 

“He loves you and you love him. It’s as simple as that.” Prentiss explained curtly. 

Agreeing nods came from JJ, Morgan, and Garcia, who’d abducted me as soon as I exited the elevator that morning and snuck me into Garcia’s Bat Cave for an intervention. 

“We need to stop this wedding.” Garcia demanded. 

And since that glorious intervention, the team (minus Rossi and Hotch because Rossi seemed genuinely happy for Reid, and Hotch would definitely tell us it wasn’t our place) began trying to put a wedge in the relationship. I, however, made the smart choice not to be involved. 

If I was trying to get him to love me, why would I do something that would surely make him hate me like breaking up his engagement? Plus, the blind optimist in me believed that if I was actually meant to be with Spencer, it would happen regardless of Kayla. 

So anytime Morgan, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia suggested something, I refused to participate. I was able to steer clear of any wedding crasher shenanigans up until JJ’s “slow-dance” suggestion. 

If Reid knew the true intentions behind these dance classes, he surely wouldn’t be pleased, but clearly - he didn’t. Because when I walked out of the restroom and back to the table, Reid still had a huge grin that took up half of his face, making his eyes look nearly shut. 

“Thank you again for doing this.” Reid beamed. 

“Of course! What are friends for?” 

Morgan, Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia exchanged satirical glances at my choice of words. 

What are friends for if not to purposefully set two people up in hopes of ending one person’s betrothal?

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

Later that weekend . . 

“Come in!” I called out, buckling the ankle strap of my heels. 

The door opened partially and then all at once to reveal the one and only. I peeked my head out from behind a wall that was obstructing my view of him, immediately noticing a bouquet of lavender wrapped in twine. 

“Oh my goodness, what is this?” I asked in pure delight as he handed me the pretty purple flowers. 

“It’s a thank-you gift for agreeing to help me.” His lips formed a thin straight line, which was his version of a smile. A smile I appreciated whenever I was lucky enough to have caused it. 

“They’re lovely, thank you.” I told him, hugging him briefly before fetching a vase from the kitchen to put them in.

“Oh, good, I’ll tell Kayla you liked them. She’s the one who picked them out.”

The glass vase nearly shattered the moment he said that, but luckily, my reflex skills spared the vessel.

How big of a fool was I for thinking that he gave me flowers out of the kindness of his heart because he knew lavender was my favorite? But then again I probably needed that brutal reminder of why he was here in the first place - for Kayla.

As I put the vase on the kitchen island, I spun around, brandishing a fake smile. 

“So we should probably get started. I don’t wanna keep you here for too long.” 

“There’s no rush. Kayla won’t be home until late at night.” 

I tried not to think of the potential innuendo that lied within his statement, but Spencer wasn’t type to be disloyal, and I wasn’t going to be the woman to make him such a person.

“You look really nice, by the way.” I heard him say from behind me, catching a whiff of his cologne that was intoxicatingly sweet.

I did my best to not take the comment personally and let it get to my head, but I’d be lying if it didn’t elicit any response. I smiled to myself, which thankfully, he couldn’t see since my back was towards him as he followed me into my backyard. 

“You smell different.” He added. 

“Good different?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Is it a new perfume?”

I furrowed my brows. “No, it’s the same one I’ve been using for years.”

“Interesting,” I could feel him taking in this information, and I could hear the gears in his head turning at an even faster rate to spit out more information. “Did you know that you pick your soulmate by subconsciously reacting to pheromones that transmit their genetic compatibility? Yeah, there’s a relationship between attraction and scent, which dates back to our primal instinct. So if someone smells appealing to you, even if you don’t know it, it could relate to your attraction to them and vice versa.” 

“Ah, then maybe I should consider changing my perfume to improve my love life.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I love the way you smell.”

In the back of my mind lied the unanswered question I neglected to voice, “But do you love me?”

When we reached the backyard, I heard him gasp in awe. 

“It looks beautiful, Y/N. You did great.”  

Nestled in my backyard was a dark wooden deck, surrounded by plentiful greenery. Lining the perimeter of the shiny wooden deck were asymmetrical rocks, while above us hung strands of fairy lights that cast a sheer golden glow on the entire scene. The ambiance was not for Spencer specifically, but I was happy that he appreciated it nonetheless. 

“You ready?” 

He signaled yes by putting his thumb up and so it began.

“Alright, so slow dancing can be broken into four easy steps, but first, you gotta know how to hold your partner correctly.” 

Spencer and I took a step towards each other, and I could feel the nervous energy radiating off of him. I tried not to call attention to it, so I simply continued with my process. Outstretching my arms to form a T with my body, I guided him verbally. 

“So I’m the follower. And you’re the leader. Got it?” 

He nodded. 

“Leader puts their right hand under the follower's left armpit and cups their hand around the follower's shoulder blade.” 

He understood my instructions, and in the most awkward manner possible, he fumbled his way into the right position, albeit, not perfect. 

“Now, hold my right hand as high as my eye level without raising my shoulder.” 

Spencer was glaringly anxious, so I gave him a word of encouragement. “Hey, don’t be nervous. It’s just me, okay? And you’re doing great.”

I could see the nerves beginning to settle, translating into the conviction with which he took my hand, raising it at the perfect height. 

“Great. Just like that.” 

My praise brought out that smile in him that only ever came out on rare occasions. The kind where it’s brief, his teeth showing, a light chuckle escapes him, and he’s looking down as if he’s too shy to look at me. 

“Okay, step two is basic footwork. Leader starts with their left foot and takes a step to the left. And then your right foot is going to meet your left foot and tap. The count is one-two.” 

I watched as Spencer tried to process what I was saying. 

“Do you want me to demonstrate first? And then you follow?” 

He nodded rapidly as if saying yes wouldn’t be enough to communicate how much he needed me to lead. We broke apart so that I could turn my back towards him. I felt a cold draft blow under my dress as I spun on the ball of my feet, making my skirt flutter upwards majestically. 

I felt him watching. 

“Alright, so I’ll start and then you can catch on. It goes one-two.” 

Left foot step. Right foot tap. 

“Then three-four.” 

Left foot step. Right foot tap. 

“Then to the right this time. Five-six.” 

Right foot step. Left foot tap. 

“Seven-eight.” 

Right foot step. Left foot tap.

“And back again. One-two. Three-four. Five-six. Seven-eight.” 

My eight count continued until the click of my heels on the patio was joining by the sound of Spencer’s feet shuffling behind me. I knew if I turned around to check on him, it would only psych him out and make him more nervous, so I stayed facing forward so he wouldn’t feel that I was scrutinizing his technique. 

After a minute or so of following me, I spun back around, catching his lingering stare in the region of my hips. He tried to play it off and pretend he wasn’t, but I felt it. 

“You did really well tonight. I’m proud of you. I think that’s a good place to stop for today.” 

He thanked me with another hug, the kind where we nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. 

God, I could feel him breathing on my shoulder. 

I tried not to not to let myself indulge in it, reasoning that this was just a way for one friend to thank another, but I couldn’t help myself when the hug lasted longer than it should’ve. I tightened my embrace around him, drawing him in closer, and shutting my eyes as if taking my sense of sight away would heighten my sense of touch and magnify this feeling I never wanted to end.

“You take care, okay?” I said, rubbing my hand up and down his back to signal we should pull away, a signal he understood.

I was the first to walk away, merely because of the worry that I might sooner cry if I had to stay under these lights with him a moment longer. 

I wasn’t sure I could do this again unless he was mine. Otherwise, I’d just be under the stars, dancing with the love of my life that I couldn’t have - feeling that feeling again, and not being able to act on it. 

Is this what happens when your person loves somebody else?

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

I know I said I couldn’t do it, but I did it anyway. 

I guess that’s what love is. Doing things you don’t want to do because your care for the other person surpasses the discomfort. True love makes you do things like that, even if they aren’t in your best interest.

When he came over the next night, we danced again. Undoubtedly, he stumbled - even came close to falling - and yet, I fell in love all over again. After that, it got harder to separate dancing from my feelings. 

The next day, we had a case. He came to my hotel room and we danced in the dim golden light of the hotel room’s chandelier. God, it was so ambient and romantic, I think I fell even harder for him - if that was even possible. 

From then on, every time we were in the same place, he leapt at the opportunity to dance with me. 

“Guys, look what I learned last night! Come, Y/N! Come on, come on.” 

He waved me over eagerly with his hand, even helping me out of my seat in the round table just to speed up the process. All too excitedly, he assumed the leader’s position, and he danced me around the entire conference room in front of our coworkers. He spun me around the table, he dipped me in the doorway, he held me in his arms by the glass board. 

Can you really blame me for falling in love? 

“Wow, Y/N! I’m impressed. You really whipped him into shape.” JJ remarked with a clap. 

I hid behind a faux smile, but Spencer was too elated to recognize the deceit. He was like that now. Maybe love made him more of a fool, more naive and blissfully unaware, whereas love made me more devoted and cognizant. 

It went on like that for weeks. Practicing whenever and wherever we could. 

He’d pull me into the hotel lobby at midnight to dance - not even batting an eye at the looming presence of the receptionist. 

He’d ask me to come to his apartment and we’d dance in his living room or in the narrow hallway, just for fun. 

When we were at Rossi’s, he’d drag me to the kitchen, with Rossi’s gentle music playing in the background, and we’d sway by the fireplace sometimes. 

We danced once in the elevator when it got stuck. I never thought he’d be so fearless to do that, but he looked like he was genuinely enjoying himself, almost like he didn’t even notice we were stuck in an elevator. 

While we waited for the jet, we’d danced on the tarmac, looking like a moving bundle of clothes, our movements stifled by our thick peacoats, layers of clothes, and scarfs. 

After a dinner during cases, when we’d split a cab back to the hotel, he’d get me to dance on the sidewalk, even convincing me not to pay attention to the onlookers on the street, the honking cars, or the confused pedestrians. I was always embarrassed to be in the spotlight, but somehow with him, it was easy. It felt like it was just the two of us, dancing under that streetlight. 

I never understood why people wanted to live in a moment forever, but for the first time that night, I did. That was a moment I wanted to freeze in time. I wish I could’ve stayed there forever. There in that moment, it really felt like it was our own little world. It was easy to believe we’d end up together, and we were the ones getting married, and we were in love. 

But again, that was in that moment. In that singular, fleeting moment. And then life moved on, whether or not I was ready for it to. 

The day of rehearsals inevitably came, and I wasn’t originally supposed to be at the wedding rehearsal since I wasn’t part of the ceremony, but Spencer asked me to be there, deliberately neglecting to tell me that the reason he wanted me to come was so that I could fill in for Kayla, which had I known that, I would’ve certainly declined. 

When I walked in, the team was all there, sitting in the pews, with their heads turning to me where I was standing at the entrance of the church. It felt like an eerie nightmare that I was living out where I was Spencer’s bride walking down the aisle, and this was our wedding. I couldn’t tell you what was so nightmarish about it - probably because none of it felt right - but I was sick to my stomach when Spencer gestured for me to meet him at the altar. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Kayla had a last minute dress alteration in Norfolk and got stuck in traffic. She won’t make it for this rehearsal, but she’ll be there in time for the dinner rehearsal.” 

“So why am I here?” 

“I wanted to practice my vows on you, if that’s okay.” 

I gulped hard, trying to swallow the lump in my throat to open up my suddenly-closing airway. 

“Um, I don’t really know if -”

“Please, Y/N. I’m just nervous that I might mess up-”

How could I say no? True love makes you do crazy things, even if they aren’t in your best interest, right?

I reluctantly agreed. 

Spencer’s hands were trembling and I could see it by the way his notecards were shaking, even from the fact that he brought notecards alone, and that he didn’t already memorize his vows. I wanted to put my hands around his and hold them to settle his unsteadiness, but I knew that wasn’t my place. I figured my words would do a better job at not crossing a boundary that was already crossed.

“Hey,” I comfortingly whispered. “It’s just me, okay?” Calling back those words from the first time we danced months ago. “You don’t need those notecards. Just speak from the heart.”

And sure enough, his heart spoke. 

“When people used to tell me stories about what love felt like and what is what, they always said they fell in love with that person. Like it was sudden and all at once, but with you - I walked into love with you. With my eyes wide open, choosing to take each and every step along the way. I never believed in fate or destiny, but after I met you, I finally believed. I believed that we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality. I’d find you and I’d choose you.”

My breath hitched as I got lost in his eyes and how they were looking right at me, completely unmindful of the way everyone around us saw how he spoke to me. 

I think he even got lost too, because what he said next, didn’t even seem to register in his mind before it came out of his mouth. 

“I love you . . . Y/N.” 

Gasps rang through the church, ricocheting off the high ceiling, and in that moment I knew, I knew he was going to kiss me. 

He lunged forward in the heat of the moment. Clearly not thinking straight, he held my face in his hands, and I swear to God, I could’ve kissed him back. 

I would’ve. 

“Spencer?” 

Every single head in the church turned toward the small voice, too distinct to misplace. 

“Kayla, wait!’ 

And there I stood, alone at the front of the altar, watching him run after her. 

∙•○⦾☉☼☉⦾○•∙

I sat by my phone the entire afternoon, waiting for someone - anyone - to update me. No one ever ended up texting or calling, so I figured the dinner rehearsal wasn’t cancelled. At least, in that case, my dress didn’t go to waste. 

After spending an ungodly amount of time curling my hair and putting on my makeup, even achieving a smoky eye look, I finally slipped on my navy-blue, satin, floor length dress, donning nude heels and a dainty gold necklace with a single diamond pendant that laid right on my sternum. 

It was a shame that this was a moment where I should’ve felt at my prettiest, and yet, I’d never felt so ugly. 

I was riddled with the guilt of knowing I would’ve kissed Spencer if Kayla hadn’t walked in. I felt even worse that I was so consumed by his speech that I didn’t even hear her come in. 

How long had she been standing there? Long enough to watch what I knew everyone else saw? These questions never left me. Not even when I pulled into the site of the dinner rehearsal. 

Clutching the front of my dress to walk without resistance, I came to the entrance, and opened the door to reveal . . . nothing.

Staff was removing chairs and tables. 

Waiters were collecting plates and utensils. 

And Spencer was standing in the very middle of the empty room, watching it all happen silently, like he was just the shell of a man. 

“Spencer!” I called out from the entrance, in no hurry to meet him at the middle of the room. He turned on his heels, with his hands sheepishly shoved into his pockets. 

“Gosh, I’m sorry, Y/N. I should’ve called to let you know it got cancelled, but um, Kayla broke my phone.”

“Well, it’s time you got a new phone anyway.” I chuckled, which thankfully earned a chuckle from him, too. 

“What happened, Spencer?” My voice was quiet, as if it was any decibel higher it would sound more like a scold than genuine concern. 

“She, um, she told me she needed some time to think. And I, I told her to come to the rehearsal dinner if she still wanted to get married and,” He mirthlessly chuckled. “Well, you already know.” His words were chosen carefully to deliberately avoid what he hadn’t yet come to terms with. 

She didn’t come. 

I wasn’t yet sure whether or not to console him or to berate him for what he almost did, but I chose the former. 

“I’m so sorry, Spence.” 

He looked up from the ground, still managing to avoid my gaze, by looking up at the ceiling, and pretty much everywhere my face wasn’t. 

“I understand if you want to leave right now. I just need to pay the owner and I’ll be out of here.” 

I shook my head instantly. “No, I’ll be right here. If you want me to be.” 

He bit his lip to stop a sob from escaping. “Yeah,” He nodded, cowering his head. “I’d like that a lot.” 

As soon as I saw his cheeks get red, I took it as a cue to approach him and hug him. He was grateful for my compassionate touch, immediately opening up his arms to hug me back. His embrace around me was needy and desperate, and it felt like he was clawing at my dress, acting out of anger that the fabric was stopping us from being that much closer. 

With his shoulder digging into the spot right underneath my chin, it was hard to utter the words, “You look really handsome, by the way.” I said, finally acknowledging his light beige suit and white button up shirt. 

“Thanks.” I heard him mumble into my shoulder. 

“Kayla doesn’t know what she’s missing.” 

To my surprise, he didn’t recoil, flinch, or so much as react to her name. Instead, he simply pulled away, wiping the moisture under his nose, and straightening out his suit. 

“We should . . . we should probably talk about what happened earlier, right?” 

I sighed and shook my head. “Not if you don’t want to. We can save that conversation for another day.”

He looked appreciative of my avoidance, but I knew he wanted to talk about it. 

“Hey, excuse me,” He stopped a staff member by clutching their arm gently. “Do you mind, actually? Leaving two seats behind.” 

The staff member complied, doing as he said, and leaving two chairs behind, setting one right across from the other. I took my seat, and Spencer took his.

“I probably shouldn’t have spoken from the heart, huh?” He joked, finally seeing the humor in his situation. 

“No, it was good that you did.”

“You think so?”

“Definitely. I think Kayla would’ve appreciated it.” All too quickly he responded with, “I wasn’t talking about Kayla.” 

I was talking about you, his somber eyes said. 

I looked away from his gaze immediately, trying to find a reprieve from the conversation that I was doing my best to avoid. 

“It was a really good speech. It sounded so natural. Like something you knew by heart.”

“Something I knew by heart?” He didn’t seem to understand what I meant. 

“Yeah, some things we just know by heart. Like the lyrics to our favorite song, or a recipe, how to dance,” We both chuckled at the reference. “Or . . . how to love.” 

“Do you think we know who to love by heart or do you think we make that choice ourselves?”

“I think it’s both. I think we can’t control the person we’re meant to love. That, by some miracle, we’re handed this person that complements us better than anyone else. But I also think it’s our choice on whether or not we pick them. Maybe we aren’t willing to stand the test of time and wait for our person, so we don’t pick them and settle for someone else. Or maybe we do pick them and we live out the rest of our lives together. I think that’s what makes love so special. It’s a person choosing you over and over again.” 

Isn’t that what we all want? To feel chosen?

“And what if we make the wrong decision? What if we’ve met who we’re supposed to love, but we chose to love another?” His eyes were searching within mine for the words that I wasn’t saying out loud. Out of fear that my eyes might expose me to Spencer, I looked away. 

“I think -”

Spencer cut me off. “Look at me.” 

My head didn’t move, but I shifted my gaze just as he wanted.

“When two people are meant to be, nothing and no one can end them. They may get lost a time or two on their journey, but true, real love will always conquer. Nothing can compete with them. Others can only attempt to fill a void. And eventually, the two will be reunited. That’s the beauty of true love; you always end up with the right person, at the right time, regardless of any other factor.” 

Quiet fell upon us two after I said my piece. My breathing slowed down and the knot in my stomach came undone. The lump in my throat disappeared. 

All my bodily barriers broke down. There were no more emotional walls up between the two of us anymore. I was completely vulnerable - nothing to hide me. Not even my eyelids could hide the windows of my soul. Spencer had already seen into them. 

He saw my soul, my secrets. 

“Dance with me.” He extended his hand in the air between us two. With no hesitation, I accepted his offer and followed his lead. He’d never danced so naturally before. Somehow, his stiffness had withered away. The thick tension that used to loom in the air above us two dissipated. Something new replaced the contents of the atmosphere. 

Love. 

Unbounded. 

Unrestrained. 

Unbridled. 

Limitless love. 

Spencer drew me in closer so my head could lay on his chest. Previously, I was looking at his face, but now the view was of our connected hands. My fingers were intertwined with his, and I didn’t even notice how his thumb was rubbing small circles on the back of my hand until I saw it with my own eyes. 

Had he always done that, but I couldn’t feel it until I saw it for myself? If so, what else had he been doing that I couldn’t feel?

“Loving you.” 

I removed my head from his shoulder after hearing him answer the question that I pondered silently, wondering if suddenly just acquired the superpower of telepathy.

“What?”

“Loving you. That’s all I know how to do by heart.” 

A wave of relief came over me when I realized he hadn’t read my mind, he was just simply adding to our conversation from before. 

“That’s not true,” I mirthlessly chuckled. “There’s lots you know how to do. You know thousands of chess permutations, you know how to geographically profile - you know how to dance now.” I countered playfully.

He shook his head. “I know how to do those things, but sometimes, none of it makes sense. I used to lose matches against Gideon, sometimes the comfort zone is inaccurate, and until today, I couldn’t dance very well,” He chortled. “But loving you. That always made sense. It never failed me or disappointed me and it’s so all-consuming that if I try to love anyone else - it just doesn’t make sense.”

Of all the words in my vocabulary, each of them were failing me. I was rendered speechless. Spencer cleared his throat and looked away for a moment, before finding the nerve to say it. 

“I choose you.” He proclaimed. 

So, I was right. 

There are some things we know by heart. 

Lyrics to our favorite song.

A recipe. 

How to dance . . . how to love.

And who to choose. 

“I choose you, too, Spencer.” 

. . . So to answer my question from before, is life really that magical? . . . 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

[moon-light-jukebox]

Learning Styles - [Reid x Reader]

Summary: Reader has worked hard to get to the FBI, but a misunderstanding has her feeling insecure. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG

Content Warning: Mention of normal criminal minds stuff briefly. 

A/n: I got these two requests and they were so similar I decided to combine them. I hope that’s okay, but I feel like the stories would have been almost identical. 

Requests:  - I have a fic suggestion. Reader pretends to be dumb but is actually really smart. I’m thinking of that quote about marilyn ”you have to be really smart to pretend to be dumb”. One day spencer realizes that reader is smarter than she lets people know.

- Hi! Can I request a spencer reid x reader fic where reader isn't great with numbers but brilliant with behaviour and humanities (i.e. literature, history, sociology, up to you)? Maybe a dash of insecurity to spice things up?

-- Learning Styles -- 

My favorite professor in college told me that everyone learns differently; what works for one person won’t work in the same way for another. We are all different human beings that are shaped in different ways.

I had always been oddly insecure about my intelligence level. One of my earliest memories was my mother yelling at me while I sat at the kitchen table when I was in first grade. I was the only kid in my class who still hadn’t learned how to read. I just didn’t understand. All of my friends were progressing so much quicker than me and my mother was losing patience.

It wasn’t until my grandmother stepped in that everything changed. My elementary school teacher was training children to read by memorizing sight words, a concept I didn’t understand. When my grandmother sat down and taught me phonics. I distinctly remember everything snapping into place.

I was in 1st grade and reading at a 7th-grade level by Christmas. Once I finally understood my learning style, I really began to thrive.

But no matter what I did, I could still hear my mother yelling at me, telling me I was stupid.

In my line of work, I see just how much the throw away comments that parents make can shape a child’s development. Luckily, those comments just made me a bit insecure, not a murderer.

Up until I was 22, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do beyond this desire I had to help people. SSA David Rossi had come to guest lecture in one of my abnormal psych classes during undergrad. After I heard him speak, I was done. I couldn’t have done anything else with my life. I had obtained my master’s in psychology before I joined the FBI.

It took some time, but I was finally assigned to the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico. I was so excited on my first day that I remember my hands physically shaking.

Until they weren’t.

I can still remember my first day so clearly. SSA Hotchner had introduced me to the team, saving the “best” for last.

“And this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” he had said. “He’s our expert on…well, everything.”

Reid was my age and he had his Ph.D. I remember feeling awed by him.

Until I didn’t.

"I hold 3 Ph.D.'s in Chemistry, Engineering, and Mathematics. I also have BAs in psychology and sociology."

I remember my jaw almost hitting the floor. While I was impressed by him, I wasn’t insecure about my place on the team.

Until I was.

My grandmother may have helped me master reading, which opened the door to me mastering anything else I put my mind to…except math.

I was fine at statistics, luckily. You couldn’t get a psych degree without a ton of statistics work. But statistics was different, I could see the practical use of statistics. I just couldn’t wrap my head around calculus or algebra.

On my first case with the team, Reid had calculated some insane mathematical equations on the whiteboard, running down the probabilities and applying a mathematical formula to the unsub’s behavior.

It wasn't until later, after the case was solved when I was standing in front of the whiteboard that my confidence was hit. Reid had come into the room and saw me looking at his work.

“Don’t bother trying to understand it,” he had said. “You’d have to be a genius to understand what I do.”

I didn’t have a word to describe the feeling that settled in my stomach at his words, I wasn’t sure such a word existed. The feeling was cold and heavy, but also made my body burn with shame.

I had just offered him a tight smile before I left the room.

On the plane home I had made a decision. I was no match for Dr. Reid, I doubt anyone was. So, I would take myself out of the competition. I couldn’t get hurt if I wasn’t playing the game.

And that is how the next year of my life went. I allowed Dr. Reid to explain things to me that I was an expert in, never saying a word. I acted like I didn't understand concepts that I had written papers on. The only thing I didn't dumb down was my profiling skills. Those were necessary for my job and for saving lives.

I don’t think anyone realized what I was doing.

Until they did.

--

The team had been called to Colorado to assist in capturing a serial rapist.

All of our cases bothered me, every last one…but something about ones with this vile element really struck me.

We had the unsub’s name, Tyler Childress. He had spent time in prison for sexual assault and burglary. It seems while he was in prison, he spent time perfecting his methods; it was only by pure luck that we found his fingerprint inside the victim’s house, making him the main suspect.

When we paid Mr. Childress a visit, he had managed to get the drop on Prentiss and Morgan, allowing them to escape. Morgan was furious.

All of us were sitting around a conference table in the local prescient while we let Dr. Reid talk.

I was trying to be calm, I was, but my nails were digging into my palm so deeply I was worried I was about to draw blood.

“Guys,” the expert on everything said. “He has to have some sort of accomplice.”

Rossi just sighed. “But the profile doesn’t point to him being the sort to do well with others; he’s a narcissist.”

Reid wouldn’t budge. “I know that, but he isn’t intelligent enough to pull this off alone. He’s just not. He had an IQ test done when he was 20. He scored in the mentally handicapped range. I’m telling you he has to have help.”

“Are you sure, Reid?” Hotch asked.

“Positive. I have his results right here.”

“IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence on their own.”

I was so startled that someone had contradicted Dr. Reid that it took me a second to realize it was me who had contradicted him.

He turned to face me; his brown eyes wide. “What?”

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence.”

Dr. Reid laughed. He laughed at me like my comment was funny. “I don’t know where you heard that,” he began.

But I interrupted him. "IQ tests are classist and oftentimes racist. The man who invented the IQ test never intended for it to be used as a complete measure of intelligence. He regretted making the test.”

Reid sputtered. “You…it’s not racist!”

“Yes. It. Is.” I ground out. “If it wasn’t it wouldn’t be illegal to administer an IQ test to a black child in the state of California.”

"Wait, it's illegal to do that?" JJ asked, her brows drawn together.

"Yes. There was a court case in the 1970s over it. Teachers were using tests to separate white children from black children. The black children were put into special education classes they didn’t need to be in. Just because the teachers didn’t want those children in their classrooms.”

I should have stopped, but I was on a role. “They’re also inherently classist. How can you expect a child to answer a question about Romeo and Juliet if they haven’t heard of it?”

That had Dr. Reid scoffing. “Everyone has heard of it.”

I shot to my feet, unable to hold back anymore. “No, they haven’t. Children in underfunded schools that don’t have access to resources might not have heard about the most famous play in history because their school wasn’t able to provide the materials to teach them about it. There was a study done in a remote part of Russia right after the IQ test was invented. Every. Single. Person. Scored in the mentally handicapped range. Because they didn’t understand.”

I knew my voice was rising but I couldn’t stop myself. “Once the researcher took the questions and applied them to things they understood, they all scored as above average. They didn’t understand math as an abstract concept, but they understood it when it was applied to their businesses, to something they actually knew about.”

I cleared my throat. “The test isn’t fair, it’s not equal. Tyler Childress didn’t go to a good school and he didn’t have a stable home life. You can’t use one measure to calculate his intelligence. He’s gotten away with 7 assaults so far that we know of. He’s not stupid.”

The entire room was silent once I had stopped speaking. I couldn’t bring myself to regret it though. What kind of person was I if I played dumb because I was afraid of being mocked when a monster was out there attacking women? No, those women deserved to have me at my best.

And I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t give it to them.

Rossi spoke first, his eyes twinkling when he looked at me. “Took you long enough,” he said. “But y/n is right. We trust the profile; we don’t let personal bias cloud the way. That’s how we catch this bastard.”

--

Later that day, we were cleaning up the conference room while the local police processed Tyler Childress.

Pathological narcissism is a complex disorder, but we followed the profile and Rossi was right. Hotch set up a press conference in which JJ and Prentiss took center stage. They tore Childress’s ego to shreds on live television.

His narcissism wouldn’t allow that to slide. He got angry, he made a mistake, and we got him before anyone else got hurt.  

While the cat was out of the bag about my intelligence and that made me nervous, I couldn't regret any of it. I got to be the one to tell our last victim that we got him. I got to hug her while she cried because now that he was locked up, she felt like her healing could begin. I wasn’t sure if my rant about structural racism and the classism of IQ tests actually helped anything, but that didn’t really matter. There was one less monster in the shadows.

Today was a good day.

I was alone in the conference room, untacking photos from the evidence board when I heard someone clear their throat from behind me. I turned my head to meet the wide, honey brown eyes of Dr. Spencer Reid.

Oh boy, I thought. “What’s up, Reid?”

He shifted from foot to foot, his hands twisting in front of him before he crossed his arms over his chest. “I asked Garcia to look into you.”

My eyebrows drew together. “I’m pretty sure any nefarious things I had done would have popped up on my initial background check.”

“Right, I didn’t mean like that,” he mumbled, the apples of his cheeks turning pink. “I asked her to look into you academically.”

Shit.

He went on. “You double majored in psychology and sociology before you got a master’s in cultural psychology. She pulled your thesis. I just read it.”

“I see.” I turned my attention back to the board.

“You also guest lecture on cross-cultural psychology at Georgetown several times a year. And you’ve co-authored two papers since I’ve known you.”

Meh, it’s three. But that doesn’t matter. “Did you read those too?”

I took his silence as confirmation.

He was so quiet I almost thought he had left, but the crackle of energy I felt in the air told me he hadn’t. “Do you need something, Dr. Reid?”

"Why didn't you get your Ph.D.?"

I had answered that question many, many times. “I didn’t need a doctorate to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to waste time. Once I figured out what I wanted, I charged at it.” Which was a far more honest answer than most people got about that from me.

“W-why did you pretend to be dumb?” he rasped out, causing me to look back at him. “32 days ago, you let me explain the long-term effects of gerrymandering and the complex causes of poverty.”

“Of course, I did,” I said, frowning. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“One of the papers you authored was about generational poverty.”

“Just because I know a lot about something doesn’t mean I can stop listening to information. That sort of thinking breeds ignorance.” I smiled, unable to not tease him just a little bit.

Reid took a step closer to me. “You didn’t answer my question.”

I just shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t have a good answer.”

In all the months I had known him, Spencer Reid had never touched me, not even so much as a finger brushing against mine when he handed me something. That fact is why I was so startled when I felt his hand on my upper arm, turning me towards him.

He licked his lips, his eyes darting around. “Did everyone else know?”

I shook my head, my teasing mood long gone. "No. I mean, clearly, Rossi suspected but…No, I didn't tell anyone else."

“I just don’t understand. You’re brilliant.”

I scoffed. “No, I’m not. I’m decent a psychology, sociology, stuff like that. I can’t apply math to behavior to find patterns. I can’t even calculate how much something is gonna cost when it’s on sale without a calculator half the time.”

‘What do you…” Reid trailed off. “Wait. The very first case. You were looking at the evidence board.”

Goddamn eidetic memory.

The boy wonder was on a roll now. “I told you that you’d have to…is that why you didn’t tell me?”

What else could I do? I just nodded.

Those brown eyes closed, and he let out a groan. “I said that because I thought you were going to…I was worried…” He huffed out a breath and opened his eyes. “I wanted you to like me. I didn’t want you to think I was just a nerd.”  

Now I was confused. “Why?”

Spencer Reid’s blush went all the way down his neck. “Well…I just…Morgan said I should just talk to you. But I’m not…I’m not good at that. I panic, then I start to ramble. Like I’m doing now…”

“Reid,” I interrupted. “I’m not playing dumb now. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I like you,” he blurted out right before he smacked both of his hands over his face. “Oh my god. I sound like a child.” I thought I heard him mutter idiot under his breath. “Emily says that my IQ gets slashed to 60 whenever I see a pretty girl.”

Much like that moment all those years ago when I was a child, I felt everything click into place. Oh.

I couldn't suppress my smile any longer. I rose up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Well, we've already gone over how IQ tests aren't a good measure of overall intelligence."  

With that, I quickly stepped away and hurried out of the conference room, leaving a stunned genius in my wake. When I turned back to look at him, I saw his fingers brushing over the place where my lips had just been.  

--

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