#my discord server is so nice ahhh

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I’m in a gaming community for the sims 4 and I make mods and content for it and when I get stuck there’s a discord server where I go to to get help. I’m autistic and have adhd and a bunch of other mental health issues including depression and I’m a super nice person almost to a fault.

I swear whenever I go to get help from the folks in there they are incredibly condescending and mean to me. I’m probably twice these ppls age too and they talk down to me like I’m a child and tbh they shouldn’t even talk to children the way they talk to me. I bet they don’t even talk to folks like this irl either just ppl online or maybe just me. Whenever I see them help others they are helpful, nice, and polite but with me either they ignore me or they come at me with mean remarks or talk down to me.

These are folks that are considered popular in the community too and they make lots of money off their fans so I couldn’t even go after them if I wanted to or report them for harassment or anything tbh.

I’ve never once done anything to them nor am I “stupid” so to speak. I don’t understand why they’re like this to me so when I called one of them out for it the other person said it was “uncalled for” and then the person I called out eventually apologized to me when they got more info of my situation but regardless of my situation they shouldn’t have reacted how they did.

The one that said it was uncalled for later acted exasperated towards me with an “oh my god” towards me when I was trying to explain my issue in terms they would understand bc they weren’t getting what I had already said. And I’m the slow one? What the hell.

I’m just so fed up with being treated like shit but it’s the only place I can go to get help?!

What should I do? Just endure the abuse? Abandon my game? Stop modding? It takes a huge toll on my mental health and after that “oh my god” I was crying on the phone to my husband after he called me to check in. But the game is my escape from real life and I enjoy it as is modding. Ahhh. 😯

Idk I’m at a loss as to why people can be so mean to others especially online. 🙄😭 sorry for the long rant I have no one else to talk to for advice that is autistic. Ty if you have the spoons to read this, I appreciate you and your blog.

Hi there,

I think it’s cool they you can mod games. I’m not familiar with Discord, but I know people can be mean everywhere.

Is there any other servers that you can join? Or surely you’re able to block people on there if you have to.

Honestly I’m at a loss too. I’m hoping my followers can help. Surely there are some that have or are in similar situations like yours.

I’m so sorry that I couldn’t help answer your question. But I appreciate the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[yaoiconnoisseur]

♠ Knight of Spades - Mari ♠

〈 Protector of Innocence 〉

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Ahhh I finally get to post this :D It was an honor to be able to contribute to the amazing project that is Yuri!!! On Cards from the Yuri!!! On The Web Discord server!

You can see the entire project via this masterpost! If you'd like more context for this gigantic YOI AU, head over to this blog post for an explanation of everything.

I'd like to give a massive shoutout to @arom-antix and @lines-on-ice for basically putting this all together and making this amazing idea a reality. I know Arrow credits me as one of the admins of this project, but I really only made a Google Drive and did a little research for the artists on how to format their cards haha

I had a ton of fun coming up with Mari's design as the Knight of Spades. I knew right away that I wanted Mari's design to reflect her Japanese heritage since the suit of Spades is a fully Japanese cast.

I've cut me talking about the art itself and my thought process while working on it so I don't nuke your dash, but if you'd like to read my ramblings feel free to

Making Mari a samurai was an easy choice since, one, that's basically what a knight was in Japan (albeit there was no legal binding between a daimyo and his samurai), and, two, I've always HC'd Mari as a protective older sister in the sense she'd be fairly hands off until someone made the mistake of bullying her little Yuuri.

I wanted her armor to be blue since that was the overarching color scheme for Spades, but choosing what blues to use was.. Difficult. There needed to be enough contrast between the different pieces of her armor to show that the armor is made of multiple parts while keeping the hues and brightness values close enough to still look cohesive. I also wanted to keep the blues relatively low saturated to bring our Mari's blonde highlights.

(As I was coloring her armor I realized half way through that I basically drew a Samurott ginjinka oops (￣▽￣*)ゞ)

I had originally intended for the sarashi (the belt) to be pure white, however when I put all the base colors down I realized the white was too much and pulled your eyes away from Mari's overall form. I knew having the belt be pure blue would make the belt blend in too much with the rest of the armor, so I ended up making the belt mostly blue with white accents as a compromise. I still wish the belt could have been white, but oh well.

As for the katana.. That was originally going to be pure blue, but like the belt problem, I had issues keeping the katana from looking muddied. I ended up trying five different variations of black/dark gray until I settled on what you see above lol. It was really difficult making the hilt of the katana look nice because if I went too dark with the blacks I would lose detail on the hilt, but if I went too light I would lose the contrast with the hilt's blues. As for the saya (scabbard/sheathe) I wanted it to be black, but I ended up matching it to Mari's armor instead because a black saya with a mostly black hilt somehow made the entire katana look flat.

The color palates I used for everything else was just me eyeballing her fleshtone and hair color through various screenshots I ripped directly from the show.

The background gave the the most trouble out of everything though because I'm not particularly great at making interesting, minimalistic backgrounds for my art. The card looked to plain without some sort of variation of color behind Mari, but since her armor was already so complex I needed a background that didn't take away from those complexities and didn't muddy the entire piece. I had originally planned to do a sumi-e type background, however I found that no matter what I did the sumi-e designs took away focus from Mari. Eventually I settled on a default abstract Procreate brush and drew lines until something stuck.

Overall I had a blast making this and also the borders for the rest of the cards! I learned a lot about how to format and prep digital canvases for making a card deck, too lol

[beeing-stuupid]

bro u cannot expect me to talk to u for an amount of time and not get worried when u leave all of a sudden

it feels weird if i just do the tags cuz that’s the thing™️ ykyk so i gotta put some text as an intro to the post ofc

(here cuz i ran out of tags smh)

love it when i use the same emoji twice but i can the asked to delete it and write it again so it’s staying there

just clarifying i can in fact do discord if that’s easier for u and it was a typo in my last reblog oop

haven’t posted here in a hot minute

anyways, what i came here to do

@fym-daichi-dies victoria where have u gone :((

did the discord server u joined eat u alive?? i haven’t heard from u in a while 😔

[roblogging]

it's so cute seeing you and your flatmate bonding! i was once in a small fandom and i travelled to meet a dear friend that was starting uni (another country/continent) and casually mentioned "oh, have you heard about X going to the same uni as you?" and X being like, a popular blog in our fandom. they decided to contact that person and they became friends??? anyways, i love those stories. it is very endearing to see it happening to people. fandom can be such a nice place too.

AHHH I LOVE THIS !!! fandom can be so lovely <3

my bestest bestest friend is literally some guy i met on a discord server in 2020 for a small band, and now our lives and forever joined

AND !!! i joined a discord server in 2021 for another small band, and my FIRST DAY. my first fucking day at sixth form i walk through the halls and hear "IT'S OUR MOD!!" the fucking band went to my new school 😭😭😭

the internet is so cool guys

[puckszone]

HI I just came across your "how to leave comments on fic" post and I want to preface this with saying how great of a post it is and how helpful it was. Sometimes it's so difficult to know just what to say and the post was very reassuring on that front! That being said... you mentioned in it being part of a hrpf writing server?? I'm trying to break into the scene and if at all possible I'd love it if you could maybe drop a link... idk if it's like a friend group thing but if it's Public I would love to take part and find the community 🫶

ahhh thank you so much!!!! this is so so nice, and i'm so glad everybody's found the post helpful. i truly relate to both sides of the situation - being a reader wondering how to possibly convey my thoughts, and also being an writer desperately happy about even the smallest and most casual of compliments. so i had a lot of thoughts about it all, and i love that everybody's been engaging with those thoughts so nicely!

the discord i was referring to is specifically focused on the seattle kraken, and has writing channels alongside general channels about the team. but we definitely have people that talk about all kinds of hrpf writing, even if the server is kraken focused! if you dm me i'm happy to share an invite link with you, it's absolutely open to new people!!!!

[fandommoth]

Also rant 1

I just explained stuff to people in a server about what my mother done and people were like "WHAT????!!" "JESUS CHRIST!?!?!?" Then there's jsut this one person saying "amazing" and I was just laughing like hell from that 😭 also I think this is my 100th post ?!?!?!?!? I can't remember ignore me

Rant 1/2

And omg I reinstalled hipaint ty @r7inyz for showing me one time about hipaint 💔 every time I see someone use a art program I wanna see how it is for myself and everytime I do it sometimes people find it weird because one day I was using this program then the next I have the same program?!?!!?!?!?? But low-key love hipaint sometimes.........

Rant 2 :3

AHHH why is it like whenever I feel like quitting discord I find a server that actually feels welcoming and the YouTube channel that its about the actual artist who is the owner of the server actually interacts to they're fans I love people like that ♥

Rant 3

Also I'm so done trying to fit in with trends it's so tiring trying to fit in with trends 😭 I just wanna stay close to friends and be there for them not be in trends jsut because of wtv trends do

rant 4/5

ALSO IM WORKiNG ON STARFELL AGAIN!!!! Slowly the characters lore first to see learn how to let them act then I'll draw them :3

Rant 5

also help why is the art community in gamjolt so nice?!?! Like HOW DID I GET 62 FOLLOWERS FROM JUST POSTING 4 THINGS!?!?!? ♥ I love game jolt sometimes it's like a better version of discord they actually care unlike discord.......

💔 I jsut realized how much I wrote already if you wanna read all this then go ahead <3 I appreciate whoever reads it all

Also if yall wanna try drawing a design for aster maybe I'll consider it as a part of an design >:3

This is what I have in mind :3 less human looking but also a bit of human look but more starry galaxy :P

[buggysimp]

Arghrhrgrhgffhh I want to make more south park friends so bad I'd love to make/join a sp discord server if anyone has one that's kyman/cartman-shipping-in-general friendly one I'd love to join but I'm unsure how to go about it

I guess this post would be it? If you have a server like that it'd be cool to join just shoot a dm !!

Would prefer ones that don't include nsfw of their like kid designs, hard proship OR antiship (js no like pedo , incest , sa in a positive light ?) And preferably mainly other adults :3

Personal rambling under cut

This is probably my first time in awhile actually full on delving back into fandom and regularly interacting and posting about ANY fandom, for a couple years I've just been kinda getting into things but not immersing into fandom, of course it'd be south park X3

Ahhh I remember 2015-2020 being really into fandoms and just making friends and joining gcs, getting back into the south park fandom truly making me nostalgic for it but this time I can actually like have well thought conversations now as an adult and rewatching the whole show

Past that I just have so many thoughts about this silly show and want to discuss [and make more friends-] as much as I love just dumping it onto Tumblr it'd be nice to be able to havc personal conversations about it

That's about it for that, I hope at least a few people see this and reach out :3

(Count how many times I said fandom LUL )

Have a good day if you see this :3

[brairhazard]

finally making introduction post uuh

💥 hello! i am Briar/Booker, or any other B names that you enjoy !!

🧡 i wont unfollow if you post something other than hlvrai!! i dont expect anything specific from anyone and i follow mostly for art style :D

💥 i use he/it [they/them isint preferred but its ok if its a mistake]

🧡 i spook very easily due to social anxiety but. the community has been so welcoming so far so i want to EXPLODE /pos

💥 i desperately want online friends so if anyone has any open discord servers to chat in then feel free to share !!

🧡 currently hyperfixated on hlvrai/hlvrv and dragons but i like alotta other sci-fi games!! too many interests to list lmao

💥 and thats pretty much it! everyone in my asks has been so nice so far and im glad im finally a part of this community AHHH💥💥💥

[crazybutgood]

FRIEND. thank you for your ask. You know I'm absolutely gonna ask you for your favourite poem back in return because I gotta know! And I'm gonna ask you a favourite boys moment too because yanno. It's fun 😏

@candybarrnerd hihi ahhh thank you for the ask as well ❣️❣️ I loved your replies omg that poem is just amazing,, I totally get that feeling of it speaking to you~ Instant save

And yes!! Maeve!!! I really love those Maeve moments as well, and just everytime she's on screen lbr lol jfjdj,, I'm happy for how things ended for her in the last season as well. And I think the latest season was just punctuated with emotional and soft moments that I adored, like those with Frenchie and Kimiko, esp in the hospital and that dream musical sequence I 🥺 The whole show overall is so intense which is awesome but also these kind of scenes are a nice treat! No matter how quickly things go back to being chilling omfg I literally cannot imagine what's going to happen next 🥲 season 4 whennn

Ok as for poem! I literally have a channel in my private discord server where I dump links to poetry that I love so I can save them htjhr so there's a lot 🙈 I've been absolutely loving @bluesundaycake 's poetry. Apart from that, To the Young Who Want to Die by Gwendolyn Brooks is quite personal to me and it's a comforting hope to cling on to, especially the last two lines:

[psychedelic-ink]

hi!! just wanted to pop in to say i LOVE ur writing, it totally blew my mind when it clicked that you were the one who wrote ‘my girl now, bc that fic has been in my head on n off ever since i read on ao3 last year 😵‍💫

i’ve began a slow mission to read all ur fics so far for the past couple days, starting off w joel and i’m obsessed… (i’m yours to tame, distracted n say yes to heaven have me in a vice grip atm) anyways hope you’re having a nice day bestie! gonna take some time to catch up with all ur other stuff ✨

also is there any chance i could get an invite for the space sisters server pls? would so love to join if that’s possible thank u <3

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! It means the world to hear that you loved "My Girl Now"—I poured so much into that fic, and knowing it’s stuck with you is just everything 💕💕💕

I'm beyond thrilled you're diving into my other works! Joel is such a complex character, and those fics are some of my personal favorites. "I'm Yours to Tame," "Distracted," and "Say Yes to Heaven" definitely have a special place in my heart, so knowing they have you in a vice grip is just... ahhh, thank you!!

As for the Space Sisters server, I’d be absolutely delighted to have you join! I’ll send you an invite ASAP. It’s such a lovely community, and I think you’ll fit right in!

Hope you’re having a fantastic day too, babes! Happy reading, and I can’t wait to see what you think of the rest of my fics. ✨💕

Catch you in the server soon! 🌌💖 (link under the cut)

[galaxofmuses]

🌟✨💫😊💖!

🐝  *  ―  𝑺𝑴𝑨𝑳𝑳 𝑺𝒀𝑴𝑩𝑶𝑳𝑺 𝑶𝑭 𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑫𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺.  (  ooc meme to show appreciation to your fellow roleplayers. use one or combine multiple to tell them how you feel about them / their blog. doesn't take a lot of time to send in but might brighten someone's day.  ) // Accepting!

🌟 ― i love how you portray your muse(s)

✨ ― i love the way you write

💫 ― i enjoy writing with you

😊 ― i enjoy talking to you

💖 ― you seem like a genuinely nice person

// Oh my glob!

*SHAKES YOU*

TOBY! TOBY! AHHH!!!

It's really funny that I was so scared to approach to you and I was so heckin shy to speak until I had to bring up the courage to say that I loved your writing and art in the discord server ahfsdkhf. Man I'm so glad I did and I infodump the heck out about Skyler and hinting about how much Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 events is an important moment for him. Gosh and I remembering having so much brainrot about Cynic. I knew that Sky would immediately be like "I'm going to befriend and tolerate the heck out of ya!" ahfdskjfh

Anywho! Right back at you! I'm always hype to interact with your blorbos and hopefully I can finally watch LMK cuz life keeps getting in the way ahfsdjkfh. ( ha ha ha big fear of picking MK as a muse ahdfsjk) a

nd Man I can go on but I'll stop here, but yes thank you so much Toby. <3

[fizzypunks]

its a date but its not a date

fandom: My Hero Academia/ Boku No Hero Academia word count: 3.8k/oneshot rating: t summary: hizashi takes shouta to a little festival and insists its not a date... just pure fluff bc <3

ship: Aizawa Shouta/ Hizashi Yamada | Erasermic

note: this reads better in AO3 because it keeps formatting for italics, which tumblr does not!

AO3

___

Yamada Hizashi wasn’t a timid person – it wasn’t even a quirk thing, it was just his nature, and it was something he was proud of. Sure, he’d been called loud and obnoxious, and some have been less than kind about his quirk when it’s gotten out of control. His quirk control wasn’t great for a very long time, but none of what he’d been called or heard had really changed the way he carries himself, and that  includes  his extroverted nature.

 He was, however, a panicked person, when it came to matters of  interest .

 Love. 

  Whatever .

 And, because love was the one thing that made him think twice about what he says, what he does or doesn’t do, that has landed him in the exact predicament that he’s facing right now.

 Hizashi tapped his pen against his essay, the half filled pages of his stationary blurring together into a mass of lines and half-assed penmanship. He’d been staring at it for the past five minutes, when he’d given up on trying to ignore his annoying problem.

  Shouta .

 It’s been getting harder to ignore the stupid pull of something he’s recently identified as  yearning  that comes every time he thinks of his best friend. Stronger than any hurricane gale, it pulls in every thought he has until there are no more to be had. Just Shouta, and his messy hair, and the eyes he thinks are pretty despite always being so blood-shot.

 Hizashi groans, faintly feeling heat spill across his cheeks. “God, why must I be so fucked?”

It’s not like he’s even asking him out on a  date  – no, he’s not bold enough to do that in their last year  and semester of school– there’s no need for distractions like that right now, whatever outcome may or may not come from it…. no, he’s just asking to take Shouta to the Autumn festival at the park, because Shouta should do something fun and get out of his room and not explode from stress.

 The poor guy has been spending all his time studying and stressing and sleeping even  less , so of course Hizashi would want to help his friend out and get him to relax.

 Yeah, that’s what it was – one friend asking another friend out because stress is bad.

 That doesn’t change the nervous skip in his heart right now, as he sits at his desk and thinks about…

 Hizashi groans again, tipping back in his chair and hooking his foot against the back of his desk so that he’s less likely to tumble. Theoretically, at least.

 Why does it feel so  significant  right now? He’d asked Shouta to do countless things with him! He’d gotten him to agree to go to the movies a bunch of times, and to a party or two, and, most recently, he’d even been able to rope him into going to a karaoke club! He didn’t sing, they left earlier than he’d planned, but Shouta had fun!

 Hizashi narrowed his eyes at the white ceiling and the ceiling fan that whirled past his vision, playing with the very edge of the wooden panel that kept him from tumbling onto his carpet.

 This wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but somehow it did.

 It felt like a declaration, no matter how he phrased it in his head, and he doesn’t understand the logic behind it.

  Fine. Whatever! I’ll just ask, and be blunt, and do it right before I leave so there’s no room for thinking, and it’ll be okay! 

 Something like,  “Hey, Shouta, let’s go to this festival! It’ll be so much fun! PLUS, I think you’ll look cute sharing cocoa with me!”

 Hizashi’s eyes widened, his foot slipped in that one moment of lost focus, and he fell –

 “ Fuck!”

 It was a little too loud, bordering on quirk use, but he had other problems to think about beside  that .

 He rubbed the back of his head.

 “Man…”

 If he can’t even imagine it the right way… how was he supposed to  actually  ask? It would be pretty stupid to try when he knew he could act a little too carelessly and, potentially, damage the good friendship they had going on.It was probably better left un-asked.

 Unsaid, un-asked, and out of mind.

 ~

 It was most certainly not out of mind, that is clear.

 Shouta is sitting across from him, half-mast eyes scanning the copy of his English text book in a way that looked a lot more performative than informative. Their booth was tucked more toward the back of the cafe, and it would normally be a bit more secluded and quiet, but midterms brought students from the woodwork and into any coffee-scented establishment, which their happened to be.

  What great luck.

 All around them was the sound of machines grinding coffee, books being shifted around, and light conversation in between bouts of half-silences – and a heavy vale of constant movement that proved to be less than ideal for studying, despite all the students trying to do  just that .

 It was to be expected this time of year, but it was still enough to bother Shouta. He concentrated better with silence, and he happened to be struggling a lot more on English than he does on his other subjects.

 Hizashi, thankfully, understood the material enough for the both of them and then some, and already finished his homework – the papers in front of him were notes, ready to be explained the moment Shouta needed it, with hand-writing that was still pretty bad but…

 For Shouta, he’d made an effort. The result was somewhat-legible scribbles lining the papers, and when he referenced it, Shouta didn’t have to ask too many questions about,  “what is this right here?”

 “I’m not going to pass.”

 Hizashi turned his eyes to Shouta, like he hadn’t been trying to find a reason to look at him longer. He was wearing a big, thick red scarf, which his hair was somewhat tucked into. He didn’t look up, he just kept his eyes on his text book. His irises weren’t moving on the page.

 “Oh man, don’t say that! How’d you think you’re gonna pass if you don’t believe in yourself?”

 “It’s because I don’t believe in myself.”

 Hizashi grabbed his warm cocoa and took a sip, if only to busy his hands with  something . “Shouta! I don’t like this type of negativity!”

 “Well, you’ve chosen the wrong friendship then.”

 “Or, maybe, the  right one!”

 Shouta looked up, and Hizashi held his gaze. His eyes had been given a break over the past few days of written work, so the redness that often lined them was almost completely gone.

 His skin looked soft too…

 His hair, it was fluffy and cute, also..

 “Hizashi?”

 He’d been staring and not talking and he leaned back into his seat like a magnet to metal. He started laughing, holding his drink up to his face. “Well, maybe I can cheer you up! What are friends for, right? And maybe it will turn that attitude around, ya think?”

 “You’re not making any sense?”

 Hizashi hated that it was true but there’s no going back now – his mouth was ten steps ahead of him anyway, and not even  he  could stop it.

 He smiled widely at Shouta. “I mean, maybe I’m here to make sure you don’t stress yourself out so much! You always do so much but never  check  yourself, and I’m here to fix that!”

 Shouta huffed, head bobbing just a bit. Then he smirked and Hizashi had to concentrate on his breathing. “And how do you propose you’d do that?”

 Oh, it was so easy – this was the opportunity the  gods  gave him after seeing him fall on his ass just a few days before.

 Hizashi leaned forward, and set his elbows down on his notes, a hot cocoa between them. “One word.  Festival .”

 Shouta’s eyebrows quirked down just a bit, and he tilted his head to the side, his hair tilting with him. “Festival?”

 “What do ya say? The park next to my neighborhood has one this weekend, and it’s free, and there’s food, and I really wanna go!”

 Hizashi grew pink at the admission, fought against the urge to cover his mouth, but Shouta didn’t comment. 

 Then, a little surprisingly, instead of arguing or finding reasons why it wasn’t logical to take time away from studies so close to exams, he gave him a smile.

 A small, intentional,  Shouta  smile. “Sure.”

 Hizashi tried to not sound over-enthused – just nodded his head and almost squeezed his cup too hard. “Yes! I finally got you to agree to do something!”

 “You always get me to do things.”

 “Yes, and I did it again!”

 Shouta rolled his eyes, and turned his attention back down to the English he’d never really understand.

 ~

 Hizashi was certain he looked fine. He wasn’t sure if it was  great  , but it was probably fine, and  whatever.

 Beside, had many other things to worry about, that were a lot more important than whether or not his shirt matched his shoes. Like, for one, how he still couldn’t quite shake the feeling of  significance .

 It was back, that nagging intrusion into his thoughts that insisted that something was supposed to be different this time. As he looked over his outfit in his body mirror, pulling over his heavy, long jacket, he had to remind himself that there was nothing different about today. Even if he really, in his heart,  wanted  there to be something different. 

 Huh.

 So maybe the difference was the  amount of yearning – Hizashi sighed, thinking about his feelings last year and comparing them to now. 

 He huffed, a huge sigh finally making itself known.

 Yeah, the feelings he had now were bigger and grander than they’d been last year and they threatened to take over his life if he let them…

 Hizashi sighed, rubbed his hands over his face, and pushed his hair back only to reveal his pink, flustered expression to its fullest.

 “Sweet lord, have mercy on me! I am an idiot with a crush!”

 He collapsed onto his bed and waited out the last of the thirty minutes before Shouta was going to arrive at his door.

 ~

 Shouta knocked, and Hizashi was already ready – his heart doing flips like he’d never experienced, but oddly enough, it didn’t feel bad. It felt exciting, and loving, and when he opened the door to the crisp autumn air, it felt like  home .

  Stop that!

 Shouta, for all his questionable outfits, looked  nice . And he always looked nice, but now he was wearing black boots, and brown khakis that somehow sort of matched Hizashi’s own, and a black tee underneath a black jacket.

 He never went anywhere in the cold without a scarf, either, and today was no exception. A red variety  was ceremoniously draped around his neck, loose enough to not be covering his face.

 Hizashi tried not to beam, but felt the shape his eyes took at the other and knew it wasn’t working. “Ready?!” He asked, a little too loud.

 “Yes… you said it was close, right? At the park?”

 Hizashi nodded, stepping out and slipping his hand into a pocket to make sure he had his keys and wallet. Confirming quickly, he shut the door behind him, again, with a little too much enthusiasm.

 He was  buzzing . Some type of energy that he normally had built up in him, that he normally kept pretty good reins on, was taking over –

 He was so excited, but, even more – he was just  happy .

 He looked to Shouta, and smiled, and then led the way down his steps and onto the quiet street. The sky was clear, save for some cloud further down on the horizon. The trees were starting to make themselves barren, and the smell of wood burning fires started to break out as soon as the sun hit its peak.

 The neighborhood, secluded and at peace, was quiet, and Shouta walked beside him in comfort.

 Hizashi never struggled to say anything, and now is no different – except it is, when he thinks he’ll say something dumb like  “hey i like you so much, you make my world right, also I love you. ”

 He can’t say that. 

 But he really,  really wants to.

 He’s wanted to for years, and he’s almost said it more than once, and now he’s let the silence build around them…

 Shouta often takes mercy on him, and so he did it again this time. Their pace was slow and there was a little bit of space between them, and he sighs. “This is really nice.”

 Hizashi smiles, keeps his eyes on the road as it winds forward. “I’m glad you think so! We’ve stressed so much, it’s a good weekend getaway, don’t you think?”

 Shouta laughs – it’s more of a chuckle, but it’s a laugh where Shouta is concerned. “Yeah, you’re right. I needed this, a lot, I think…”

 They reach the corner, looking for cars that weren’t coming. The crest of trees a few blocks ahead could be seen above rooftops, and that’s where Hizashi fixes his gaze. “Me too,” he says softly, and leaves it at that because he’s always on the verge of  too  many words.

 “You seem really… energized.”

 Hizashi fumbles with his hands, pretending to warm them up and not like he’s nervous. “When am I not!”

 Shouta hums, and it’s so deep and close that it makes Hizashi wish he could just…

 But then Shouta reaches out, and grabs at the hands Hizashi is cradling in front of him, blunt and to the point. He takes Hizashi’s left hand and slots their fingers together in his right, and Hizashi knows he can feel the clamminess…

 He looks back, sputtering, his heart erratic, “Shou – wha– I’m –”

  Does he know this is messing with me?

 And Shouta, in that calm, stupid way he always carries himself, smiles. “Maybe that’s what I’m here for.”

 He squeezes their hands, and Hizashi must look confused because Shouta laughs.

 “You always try to bring me up, so I think I can help bring you calm… You seem nervous, so,” he looked at their hands, swung them just a bit for emphasis. “Calm.”

 Hizashi feels every bit of himself crumble, falls away like a cliff against a storm, and smiles because it’s all he can do. He blushes and he can feel how it spreads, and he doesn’t say anything because every sentence ends in  I love you .

 ~

 The festival was a pleasant and home-y affair, and after they’d gotten there, they’d learned that it was quite bigger than either of them anticipated. Though it was still a neighborhood one, hosted by the local families and park itself, it was still filled to every corner.

 They’d gotten there during the peak of the sun, but it quickly descended as they wove in and out of the scattered foot traffic. The air was crisper where the lake sat in the center of the park, and the trees casted half shadows around the food and merchant vendors.

 They were walking around for less than an hour before the lanterns and torches were starting to light around them.

 Shouta still held Hizashi’s hand, and once he’d accepted the lovely fact, he’d loosened up enough to feel like his mouth wasn’t going to get him into trouble.

 “Wow! Shou! Look!” He pointed out, across the deep blue lake, to the hovering lights that surrounded it. 

 Shouta hummed warmly. “It looks very nice.”

 Hizashi was still smiling, still enamored by the lights as they floated out across his vision – the way the cool air from the dipping sun brushed against his skin and somehow made all the warmth in him  that  much warmer.

 He quickly cast his eyes down to Shouta, and found him looking at him.

 Hizashi’s ears burned and he looked away really fast, heart thumping deep in the cage of his chest.

  Oh don’t you dare say it. Don’t you DARE.

 “Um…” He said softly, intentionally because otherwise his quirk might get the best of him – he didn’t know if he was embarrassed by his enthusiasm, or by the way Shouta was watching him, but it all went away when Shouta tugged them along the side of the lake.

 It’s a few more moments before Hizashi gathers up the right words to say – the ones that aren’t gushy and filled with emotions he’s certain Shouta wouldn’t reflect. 

 “So!” He starts, looking around now that they were near the cluster of food stands. The air was filled with burning wood, meat, sauce, alive with the sound of simmering and laughter. “Want food? My treat! We can’t walk away without trying everything at  least once!”

 “I didn’t know you were rich enough to do that.”

 Hizashi chuckled. “I’m serious, though. Whatever you want!”

 Hizashi ignored the eyes tilted his way, right before leading off to Hizashi’s right. Hizashi turns around enough to look at the little stand and it’s cloth menu.

 It was a takoyaki shop, with different bao, and there was no line. 

 Hizashi smiled, and it was his turn to tug Shouta forward. He couldn’t really  look  at him, not just yet any way, but he could hear the light lilt in his voice when he ordered from the kind eyed older man at the register. Hizashi made his order quickly, and paid, and they walked away with various stacks of food.

 It wasn’t even a question where they’d go, and they found a spot under a tree to sit with their food. 

 The grass was cut, and the little hill they sat on overlooked a great deal of the sprawling festival that surrounded them. Up here, the voices that surrounded them, the chatter, the laughter that Hizashi was not interested in, was duller – muted, and when Shouta hummed in hungry appreciation at his bao, it made his heart ache all the more.

 He snuck a look to his right, graced by the mercy of Shouta closing his eyes. He’d just taken a bite, had unravelled most of his scarf to do so, and was now enjoying it for all it’s worth.

 Hizashi’s eyes softened at the sight.

  God.

 And Shouta opened his eyes, in his direction like he just knew.

 Hizashi looked down and took his bao. “This looks good! I should eat like this more.”

 “You should take me to more festivals, too.”

 Hizashi choked a bit – he recovered fast, and cast a glance toward Shouta. “Sure thing!”

  This feeling... 

 Maybe this is what he had been feeling – the lead up to whatever moment this was. The way Shouta really took the time to look at him, not through him. Like he was paying attention.

 Maybe…

 Hizashi held his oversized bao in both hands and looked forward. It suddenly didn’t feel like such a bad idea to speak. To say whatever it was that he was going to say, because for Shouta, it would always be okay…

 Didn’t make him feel any more at ease, not with the stupid thought in his head that maybe he was misreading whatever today was. Who knows, maybe Shouta always paid attention to him like this? And sure, the hands thing… that was new, but maybe Shouta just really likes holding hands but he needs to be comfortable with the person, and now after three years he’s  finally comfortable with Hizashi?

  If you’re gonna say something…

 “Hey,” he started. 

  Say it now.

 “I’m having a really good time.”

 He doesn’t take his wide, blown-out eyes from the festival. It was dark enough that every lantern stood out like little stars, and the breeze was so nice…

 “If you want… we can, um, do this again. I’ll find another festival, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be free this time, but I’ll try! And I’ll see if I can sneak in some home made food too so we can spend more money on like, cute stuff from the merchants. I saw this plush down there, actually, and it was a  cat , so maybe –”

 No, Hizashi wasn’t a timid person – but,  still , it was probably for the best that Shouta was the first one to move. He grabbed Hizashi’s hand, urging it away from the bao so that he could hold it again. 

 He’d pulled his attention to the forefront, and his eyes to finally meet his, and he realized that Shouta had moved so much closer…

 The dark of his eyes was so close, and he was  smiling …

 “You talk a lot when you’re nervous.”

 There wasn’t a way to hide the flush, so Hizashi looked down, feeling too open. “I’m sorry…”

 He couldn’t see his eyes, but he could see his smile. “I like it, though.”

 “What about if I say I like you...  Will you still like it?”

  Please…!

 Shouta didn’t leave him any time to doubt.

 “It makes it a lot easier… for me to say I like you, too… yeah, I’d like it…”

 Hizashi’s entire body was fireworks – explosions and exclamations and that same buzzing energy that gripped him every time he thought of Shouta. He grinned, and looked up to see Shouta was just as embarrassed and flustered as he was.

 He’d normally have to look away, but he assumed he had permission now, and…

  God you’re so pretty…

 His eyes, his eyelashes, the way his eyes bend against his smile and how he’d never seen him smile like this before… 

 Hizashi abandoned the bao in his lap and pushed away the hair that framed his face, slowly, not sure if it was too much to hold his face – 

 “I’m – I’m sorry, can I?”

 Shouta nodded. “And you can kiss me too, in case you weren’t sure…”

 That was all the reason he needed.

 He’d had so many reasons, so many countless reasons he  loved him...

 He cupped his jaw, still acutely aware of the way Shouta was still holding on to his hand in the grass – 

 It was cold, that was true, but right now he was warm with nerves and excitement and  love , and he leaned in –

 His breath, so warm –

 His lips, so soft –

 And neither of them were particularly experienced or daring, so after a few seconds when he finally parted their lips just a bit, they pulled away, just enough to speak.

 “Mmm, you taste like bao,” he said, and then wished someone was there in his brain to stop whatever dumb shit was trying to get out.

 Shouta just laughed. “So do you.”

 The rest of their night was spent on that hill, kissing and talking and, eventually, finishing their food. When they finally left, Hizashi found that plush cat at the vendor near the entrance of the park and gave it to Shouta. Shouta blushed, and Hizashi glowed with comfortable warmth, glad that he can now get cute things for his boyfriend.

[glittertimes]

.

[oceandiagonale]

Have you ever considered a discord for all the OC talk? It seems like it'd be a lot of trouble but oughhh 14 OC asks seems like a LOT to have to sort through and answer, and having them in one place where everyone can talk about them might be a bit easier than this O_O

ahhh discord is so scary though, I only use it to talk to my partner and play dnd 😭😭😭

it would be really nice if everyone could talk about OCs together more and bounce ideas around!! but running a server feels so intimidating -- I'm nervous to commit to that since I'll be pretty busy this semester 🥲🥲🥲

it is a little bit overwhelming but that's why I'm trying to pace myself!! I also want to make sure I answer them all so my inbox doesn't end up being like, 50+ unread asks and then everyone is stressed about it 😭

I was thinking of doing a thing where I just answer everything on one or two days a week, like "OC Sundays" or something?? but I've mainly just been answering them when I'm stressed this week because they give me something else to think about 🥺🥺🥺

[quixotin]

*barges in* I'M BACK FRIENDS

So I'm back from my Tumblr break and uhh,,, I walked into plus 2k followers?? 🥺🥺🥺🥺

guys whattttt??!

thank you so muchhhh ❤️

i just- ahh i'm really happy! I'm sad I wasn't here to see the 2k mark happen but ahhh

I'm always saying how much I love the ML fandom but I just. I really mean it. You are all so great and talented and I'm happy to be part of it. If in January, you had told me that a few months later I'd have as many friends as I have now, that I'd be part of a discord server and that I'd get my follower count to practically triple, I would've laughed in your face.

Thank you so much guys <3

Also, I do not know how one proceeds with follower benchmark celebrations when you can't draw for shit. I can make some real angsty headcanons for u in the asks or alternatively, diabetes-inducing fluff for you, if you want!

Anyway idk how one does this. Just. if you interact I'll do something nice for you

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hello first of all i absolutely adore your blog and i specifically love your blog background/header thingy (?) also fellow indian transmasc hell yeah!!

secondly i kind of had a question??? so i id as a trans man but i have like no way of affirming it irl since i kinda had a falling out with my only irl friend who was accepting and idk maybe it's because i'm constantly around cishet people and their line of thinking might be affecting me but like lately every time i think of myself as a boy or man or guy or in general masculine terms my brain just keeps throwing feminine terms at me instead and it just really bothers me... that, and i feel like i am constantly going back to my old way of thinking where i keep thinking of a trans person of a certain gender as inherently different from a cis person of the same gender or the way when i see a gay couple and keep thinking who the "man and woman" in the relationship is and it's all just really distressing. like the thoughts just straight up feel as though they're being forced into my brain against my wishes and hhhhh it's been A Weird Couple Of Months

i guess that didn't really turn out to be much of a question but uh is this like a thing that can happen

Ahhh ty omg akdjfkf I’m glad you like my blog!! Omg yeah akskakd I love the header too!

AYYYY FELLOW INDIAN TRANSMASC FUCK YEAH!! NICE TO MEET U BRO

Oh yeah I feel you mate, the place where I live is Not Great for lgbt people and dysphoria and internalised transphobia my beloathed </3

Honestly my advice for that is to find trans and LGBT communities online!! Make a tumblr and make posts in the trans tags, make LGBT friends, join LGBT discord servers, etc!! Find your community online if you can’t irl and it’ll get a lot better!

Oh god yeah I feel you man 😭 it’s totally a thing that can happen and it sucks to be surrounded by those mindsets sm. But yeah again my advice for this is to find your community on the internet and try talking to more lgbt people, it does get better!

I’m always here if you wanna talk my dude!! Also if you wanna be friends my main is @quillsink so ye :DD

I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck my dude!! Have an awesome day, sending my love <3333