#my delusions coming true
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What are you? An old bloodline.
#my delusions coming true#lidia cervos#aelin ashryver galathynius#aelin galathynius#house of flame and shadow#crescent city spoilers#hofas spoilers#hofas#cc3 spoilers#cc hofas#crescent city#sjmedit#crescentcityedit#throne of glass#book moodboard#my edits*
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ok now LISTEN not to make everything about buddie. but. what if the thing that leaves eddie “feeling isolated” next season is him grappling with & coming to terms with his sexuality or his feelings specifically for buck.
like he could feel isolated and like he doesn’t have anyone to turn to because of his catholic guilt/shame making it something he’s not be comfortable talking about PLUS the fact that he would typically turn to buck about things like this but how do you talk to your best friend about your problems when your problems are that you think you’re in love with him…
#am i reaching? absolutely!!!!!! am i also a genius? yes!!#the buddie delusion is hitting hard tonight boys#i needed this in writing so if it comes true i can refer back 🙏#also to my cousin who i sent almost this exact message to word for word: if you see this post & my tumblr? NO U DIDNT SHH#911 abc#911#eddie diaz#ryan guzman#buddie#like the idea that the 118 or buck would abandon or drop him over something? it would have to be so incredibly bad for that to happen??#i just feel like this could fit all the puzzle pieces together idK
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if mclaren doesn’t give us a throwback marlboro red livery for the monaco gp i’m gonna do something that makes me end up on the global news
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pretty minor thing to think about, but i find it interesting how chapter 7 is the first chapter illustration to show chizuutan as chizuru (instead of chuutan)
like, i get it’s a flashback chapter, but we hardly got to see her as chizuru in the previous few chapters thus far… maybe we’ll get to see more of her as her true self after the hiyori fight/make up? only future chapters may tell, i guess…
#there’s like 5 weeks to go till chapter 6 is released into the rest of the world and i m n o t r e a d y—#man. chapter 5 still manages to ruin my mood no matter how many times i read it… man.#i was having so much fun with renren and concon and the 3 stooges and th e n.#imagine putting on a (somewhat) perfect/cute act to hide your true self because you know you’re unlovable the way you are#but then someone else runs along and screws up every step of the way without putting on any airs and is adored for it anyway…#i imagine chapter 6 will be much worse. especially since the start of the flashback begins there…#i sincerely hope the flashback ends in chapter 7 bc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#though. considering where we are now in the series. i think there’s a chance that vol 2 will come out at the end of december#ch 8 will prolly start to drop somewhere around the later half of november so it seems about right…#b u t if there’s the preorder bonus manga for vol 2 in dec can we have santa girl chuutan in it p l s—#i think we’ll need an incredibly cute bonus feature to lift the mood from whatever the heck’s going on with vol 2’s chapters#bc. idk. im sensing some self hatred with this one chizuchan… it’s as though she can only love herself if she’s dolled up as chuutan…#like. even in her aizo self-insert delusions she’s thinking of herself as chuutan… maybe im reading too much into this. hm.#but then again she even puts on makeup when she’s at home in her own room…#w a i t a sec what if this wack behaviour only came about bc of what’s about to be revealed in the flashbacks. wait. no. w h a t if—#i hope manga chizuchan will be able to love herself properly soon… we all love you chizuchan~~~~~~~~~~#this. too. is our oshi no—#dammit why is something set in the same universe as the [redacted] anime making me feel things??? i hate itttttttttt#anyways. wh. what if one of the h10w turns out to be an anime adaptation of the chizuchan manga#and they’re just waiting on. like. the final vol to announce it.#it’d make the most sense for an anime series at this point… since chizuchan is marketable and it’s set in the same anime verse#so there’s no inconsistencies to retcon and such…#but!!!! most importantly!!!!!! we’d be able to see animated renren and concon!!!!!!!#…but something like this will only appear in my delusions huh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#mousou dake no kawaikute gomen anime#ok that’s enough thinking for the day; back to kimikawaii mv g o o d b y e~~~~#chizuutan chizpost
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5 SONGS!
hi 🥹 tagged by @teamhawkeye to post my (statistically!) 5 favorite songs right now so pls enjoy my broken jukebox that only plays the same few songs on repeat cs it’s literally the same as my on repeat post i just made. don’t put a dollar in it. it plays what it wants.
CERCA DE TI— HERMANOS GUTIÉRREZ
FAR FROM ANY ROAD— THE HANDSOME FAMILY
HOW LONG (HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON)— PLAYERS
HERE COMES THE RAIN— TRADER HORNE
GÉLIDA EXPIRACIÓN— CARLOS VIOLA
tagging: @bloodofvalyria 🏜️ @rosayoro 🏜️ @shellibisshe 🏜️ @gwynbleidd 🏜️ @loriane-elmuerto 🏜️ @rvchelking 🏜️ @statichvm 🏜️ @ghostfvcker 🏜️ @scalpelsister 🏜️ @red-nightskies 🏜️ @leviiackrman 🏜️ @jackiesarch 🏜️ @xtinafrye 🏜️ @gcthamqueen 🏜️ @florbelles 🏜️ @unholymilf 🏜️ @insanityconcerto 🏜️ @killerspinal 🏜️ @lavampira 🏜️ and you!
#i be thinking am i unloveable? am i unlikeable even? and then cerca de ti comes on and it makes me worse#that’s why it’s alllll the way up at the top of my on repeat.#followed immediately by the true detective theme.#and then how long has this been going on comes on and im like oh! of course. the third song that plays in my delusions#and then here comes the rain hits me with Bardcore realness for some reason and it rockets me back to baldurs gate brain rot#and finally we arrive at gelida expiracion. blasphemous soundtrack. snow. vertical graveyard. perpetua. faustina. what have you#sheesh if you read all this… i’m sorry for subjecting you to whatever is happening up here#tunes#tagged
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youtube
Zero Day Director commentary - With actor Andre Keuck
#movies#film#cinema#Damn I wish Cal was here#Andre and Ben are really interesting to listen to#This movie is one of those movies where it needs like 3 commentaries#It needs one with just Ben Coccio by himself#then one with Cal and Andre by themselves#then another with all 3 of them#Not all movies do that but I love when studios/filmmakers have multiple commentaries to create a sense of thorough intimacy#due to the nature of how commentaries are set up they can be quite restrictive/pressing/limited with no pauses or rewinds.#so I find cast/crew don't have enough time or able to present how they would like to if they could edit/rewind or pause for fluent presenta#So I love when they have director commentaries and actor commentaries or composer commentaries#Platoon's dvd extras are so dope they got multiple commentaries and one with military adviser Dale Dye who was a RL vietnam vet#Or Hostel's commentaries where one is just Eli Roth and another is Tarantino and Eli Roth with Scott Spiegal#idk if Zero Day ever got a blu-ray release but I think it should but the DV technology of the camera is kinda at it's limit of resolution#but an AI upscaling with 20 years later retrospective with Ben Cal and Andre would be sooo dope along with updated commentaries#Every few years I always rewatch Zero Day so that time has come that last few days lol#Ever since Columbine as a lil kid I have always been into spree-murders and active shooter incidents#I remember reading a peer-reviewed paper called Pseudo-Commandos#And Eric and Dylan and Andre and Cal would be dubbed Pseudo-Commandos where they dress up in a semi-military fashion#and have a delusion of superiority mixed with perceived sense of persecution whether it's true or not#it went into the Postal shooter from the 80s as well and what he went through along#plus I read another book called Going Postal which also went into postal shootings along with school shootings#I want to make a film about spree murders or an active shooter/s but I remember just getting so tired of the subject matter#because every 3 weeks there was some new shooter in the headlines and I found myself not wanting to be exploitative#When I write/direct my film I'd like it to address and study the character of such an individual but not try to be too political#or exploitative and focus on the ambiguities that are left behind when someone does this#as a society I noticed we stopped asking the questions on why and stopped having constructive conversations#it feels like as a coping mechanism we've started treating them like tornados or natural disasters
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diving head-first into my new conspiracy theory that we’re right about bird being gay which is why barry’s not promoting it at all because he’s suddenly supposed to be this macho man lover boy desperate dog of a human being and playing a weird gay dad doesn’t really fill that quota
#by we i mean me and the One anon who sent me that bird ask#setting myself up to get double let down by barry when bird comes out and its nothing like the story ive written in my head#and theres no reason for him to not be promoting it#except that it seems like his main priority rn is to be an extension of sabrina carpenter#and he doesn’t even have the backbone to promote his own work#which is still true if my theory is correct#but at least if he’s gay in the movie i can fuel my other delusions
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focusing on that one panel of apoo being downright shocked and offended about the fact that law would help luffy since law's known for being ruthless and luffy's gonna be trouble for all supernovas in the future anyway to avoid thinking about the horrors
#listen to me#this is based on absolutely nothing but delusions but listen to me#law saw luffy do what he did and he knew luffy was gonna spearhead a new age#he was gonna be the instigator the main event#he saw him and saw someone who could turn the tides#you know how mihawk says luffy's got the most dangerous power#which is the power to make everyone he meets want to be on his side?#that's what happened with law#he saw luffy punch a celestial dragon for a friend and fight the world government for a brother and he Knew#luffy is his hope#i know i always say the same things but law doesn't care about being pirate king his interests don't conflict with luffy#his arc started the moment he met luffy on sabaody he saw luffy and he thought he might just be the one#to save me to help me to make my dream come true#he says so in dressrosa law sees luffy as a miracle worker he trusts in him the way the crew does#out of all supernovas law is the only one that decides to wait before entering the new world and he KNEW luffy was waiting too#he was waiting for him!!! Of Course he couldn't just let him die!!!!!#oh I'm insane about them i really am
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ppl theorizing the new d20 show is a sequel to one of their shows that came out like a year or two ago is so funny. babygirl it has been 3 years since fhsy. you are not getting a sequel.
#poks office chair#sorry girl my delusions have been shot down so many times and now I must be the bearer of bad news#ive become cold and hardened over these past thousand days. they r not releasing a sequel babygirl#i wish it were true as much as you do but. come on#also if it is like a seven or starstruck sequel b4 fh I would just give up#half kidding. id just assume it was never coming
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guys its a smol world i tell you im like 4 people away from jude?!?! Insane.
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i think it is a little bit funny (not necessarily haha funny but like a "huh. thats something." sort of funny) that the two main F/Os of mine (Guz and Julian) both have abusive parents fnfkdl like ,,, idk i guess like attracts like but ough theres something about that that makes me feel a little bit "this probably says too much about me" dbdkdkl (also the mk system,, and one could make an argument for the celestial robots too tbh with how theyre treated at the company djdksl)
#its been a day fhdksl#my mother is getting into some stuff that rly fucks w my brain and easily sets off psychosis symptoms so im ... ack!#im trying very hard to keep those thinking patterns out of reach and keep myself tethered but hough its gonna be a bit interesting here#the difficult thing w this is that it is impossible to disprove a lot of the thoughts and beliefs that come into play with these topics#not that arguing with delusions does any good generally speaking (and only harms usually) but ... argh ! frustrating !#and by beliefs i mean delusions here. i do not want to argue with spiritual/religious beliefs djdksl esp if theyre not hurting anyone#i want to argue with my shitty brain trying to convince me that [redacted] is true (not going to say just in case it sets other ppl off)#and then when u throw double bookkeeping into the mix... well. now ur well and truly fucked djdkdl#ANYWAYS. it is struggle momence over here now eeyikes!#the comforting thought ''my f/o would understand my situation and would have their own experiences to draw from to know how to comfort me''#(and i could comfort them when they struggle w flashbacks or triggers or just plain and simple difficult days)#i would never want anyone to go thru this bc it is absolute hell and nobody should ever experience this. but...#there is comfort in knowing somebody else Understands bc they've been thru it too (or similar enough that they get it)#abuse tw#vent //#for the tags mostly djfkdl#dandy.cmd
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Photo
what you see
VS
what i see
#i just think manips are fun#it's a great way to work out the photoshop muscles#learn new things to make your delusions come true#etc.#candy#my edits
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microdosing on childhood nostalgia by staring dead-eyed at a windows 98 screensaver while sick enough to hallucinate*
#rosie babbles#*: i don't know if it really COUNTS as hallucination since none of my actual senses were involved#but hooboy. a few nights ago i'm pretty sure i was having something delusion-adjacent. complete with slowly coming out of it until i went#'whoa. how did i believe that was true again?' despite knowing the answer was 'brain shenanigans'#fortunately it was meh at worst good at best. like. i have been Regaled Many A Time to dad's#'once i was suffering from o2 deprivation while running cross-country + i Distinctly Remember Seeing A Rock Start Jumping Around + Yelling#''GET BACK ON THE TRACK IDIOT''' story#it was like that. but like. fully in my brain. the idea of#'there are ppl depending on me (whom i'll recognize as fictional later but not yet) + the only way to help them is to stay put + recover'#it was very strange to swim outta that later and go 'that was neat. but WHAT' lmao#idk. i'm very much not an expert here. much like sensory overloads and losing speech i have only ever experienced this once and uh.#that was It.#also unrelated to All That but i've been sitting on this post for Hours. post limit my beloathed#LITERAL. HOURS.#i've missed 3D flowerbox and 3D maze and bezier tho :) they're pretty
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Hi TK <<<<<3333 ik we had are troubles in the past, but can you please not make me go fucking insane and fall into a pit of delusion through this? Thaannkk youuuuu
#I am truly delusional#my first thought was Mercedes Moné#I really want her back#and she was at all in soooooooooooooo#will my delusions finally come true or am I falling into another pit of despair#aew#aew full gear#sasha banks#mercedes mone
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forcing myself to not get celeb crushes because I’m delulu that if I’ll ever meet them I’ll be calm cool collected and they’ll crush on me instead.
#obviously failing because low-key having celeb crushes rn#manifesting for my delusions to come true#personal
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oh yea in 3 days its gonna be my 1 month anniversary of being in japan???? it literally has barely felt like a weak wtf(<- going thru the horrors)
#def forming some..new alters from this lol#been journalling abt my delusions most of the time just to stay sane(which is what i'd do at home anyway)#i always say shit like 'yea i cant talk to my alters' which im coming to terms with not entirely being true#its just not as much as it used to be. but the more isolated i am the more i notice it#(i was supperrrrr isolated during that og period which is why it got the way it did)#but i think it just comes with getting used to it. its more mixed n blurry when 2 alters are fronting so it makes it less distinct#but there is dialog happening. whether it just be back and forth or a helper coming in to get me thru the night.#'me' being whoevers fronting obv#like. i am in a small room that only fits a bed n a small desk n fridge. the air conditioner kills me stimulation wise. but i need it on.#outside its 29 degrees(hot) at NIGHT but i fight thru it just so i can go on my nightly sanity swings. i cant see the stars.#theres been a cold going around for weeks and i cant do anything about it.#at least the anticipation anxiety for my potential apartment has died down a bit..not entirely but its easier now#idk. even tho i know i'll probably only get the apartment for like 4 months(IF i get it) i have to tell myself its for my benifit#its not a fix all forever home. its a place to finally chill for a bit. to go to the beach. to go on hikes in the forest.#to have a bigger enclosure all to myself#godddd i need to buy a water filter i hate having to go BUY WATER everyday(<- doesnt trust the tap water. per usual.)
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