#my deepest darkest secret is this

[rafasbiscuits]

I'm curious if anyone else feels sad at the rise of Carlos Alcaraz...part of me wants to root for him. More than his brilliance, he seems like a really nice guy. BUT...I don't want Rafa's supreme legacy challenged in any way, shape, or form. I selfishly want Rafa to always be Spain's biggest icon and for his tennis records to be untouched. So I find myself rooting against Alcaraz. Plus, I just miss Rafa...

omg I def understand u anon!! (And u are def not the only one)

Now don't get me wrong, I love Carlitos, he is a great kid and ik he has a big future ahead of him, but I have this feeling of bitter against him, I am a Rafa fan first and foremost, more than anything else. And ik this might sound toxic but I just can't shake this feeling off.

See, Carlitos is just like us, he looks up to Rafa as well. But I'm scared of what might happen if the young Spaniard surpasses Rafa's brilliance. I want Rafa to be legendary forever, to be looked up as the Spanish Legend, King Of Clay forever. Only him. I wonder sometimes is this what the Sampras-Agassi fans felt when Roger appeared and beat Pete? I don't know but damn it doesn't feel great.

As much as I want Carlitos to be the future of tennis, a big part of me just wants Rafa to stay forever, and a part of me that I hate just don't want that (Carlitos as the future) to happen, I want Rafa's legacy to be only his. Untouched. I want him to be the Spanish tennis king forever. ik it's impossible but I can't help it. It's selfish, yes, but I want the future tennis fans to search up Google and when they search up "Greatest Spanish Tennis Player Of All Time" only Rafael Nadal is there. The only single answer.

Even Rafa likes him, why should I, as a mere fan feel this way? But you see, just because we are fans doesn't mean we shouldn't feel what we want to. I know that fans wants to respect their idols/celebs/athletes alot but we shouldn't ignore our own feelings. So it's okay to feel this way, it's selfish, but aren't we all?

I always wish and hope that Rafael Vs Carlos will never ever happen. It did already but I don't want to experience it anymore. What if Carlitos beats Rafa? I don't think I can deal with that, people will start to adore Carlitos more and declare Rafa as "finished" I can't deal with that, I seriously can't. I will pretend to be happy for Carlitos but ik deep down that I will always want Rafa to win. Even though the man I want to win will be so very happy for the boy I want to see lose. I can't help but feel so bad. But I just cannot help it.

And I beat myself up cause Carlitos is such a great kid. But I will be honest sometimes that I didn't want him to win some matches, I didn't want him to be number 1. At the time. See, my motto is fake it till you make it.

Every era comes to an end, and another era will bloom and continue. Maybe the future era will surpass the past's greatness, but all we can do right now is just focus on the present, support the athletes we want to support and love because we will never know when their retirement will come. Like how the Federer fans already lost their fav tennis player, maybe they stopped watching tennis, or maybe they found another younger player to support. It's just how life works.

Your feelings towards this is valid, definitely, and you aren't the only one. trust me.

(and I miss Rafa too, but he'll be playing in Monte Carlo so yay!!)

[blurbery]

i miss those nights when you would come over

spent all night tryna get closer

(that was june and now it's october,

i don't want to get over you)

[lalalin-imacancer]

Remember in the first book, after mid-terms Keefe gives Fitz a tunic that says "I know what you're thinking... And you should be ashamed of yourself" or something like that

Yeah, this is it.

[dallasgallant]

Pony doesn’t like the Beatles because he’s a secret fan of the Monkees. At least their TV show.

Twobit knows of this and will sometimes greet him with a “Hey hey,”

Only for Pony to just 🧍‍♂️ from across the room.

[stars-n-spice]

Blond Cross

@here-comes-the-moose was telling me about natural blond Crosshair (like Omega and Rex) who just dyes his hair silver and I needed to see it so-

Tcw Era Cross and TBB Era Cross but make him blond.

It's just so silly I love it.

Bonus: Live Tay reaction.

Not pictured is Tay calling him "blondie" and/or "sunshine" and getting absolutely clocked.

[andrew-03-minyard]

me🤝neil

i dont think i have any traumatic reason for my trust issues and I don't even know if I can call it that. because I just don't tell people half the things about me especially what's going on in my head and there are so many things I purposefully don't tell people about me. like my family lore and some interests that i'll be made fun of for. thank god for my fake accounts on almost every platform. but then ill overshare some things and then regret them asap like damn I said too much, when it's just about a show or book series. idk, I'll tell you almost anything you want to know but I'll also only tell you the things that'll keep you satisfied. I'll say my genuine thoughts but I'll also filter myself to a crazy extent. in this essay, I will-

[mythmerth]

I keep thinking about the concept of magic changing over time. While Arthur was alive, magic was this very physical tangible presence that was imbued in everything. But maybe as merlin got older, he felt all of that change. With so many deaths, so many people on the earth, the magic shifted into something more spiritual, something that’s less in the fields and the trees and more keeping the spirits at rest or at least to peacefully roam the earth. In turn, this means that Merlin’s magic now has more spiritual implications. It’s gaining intuition from the dead, gaining some of their abilities, being able to guide them home and make sure the magic they sleep in is gentle rather than vitriolic. He becomes a medium and an “exorcist” while still retaining the magic from inside himself that behaves as it did back in his youth, albeit much weaker. Back when everything started to shift he would see arthur sometimes but thought he was making shit up, as he did go insane for a few years (decades) as any immortal being might.

However, as that spiritual magic gets stronger within him and Arthur is still around, he comes to realize that the real Arthur’s been here and helping him, watching him, caring for him, even in death for countless years.

[morsesnotes]

Mr. Booth, my neighbor in Leamington, said he called you.

Endeavour | Muse

[jasperyourmutt]

Therapy working so well that everytime I think something bad about myself I just see my therapist wagging her finger saying “nuh uh uh”

[wingsoar]

Does anyone want to be besties?

I can offer nothing.

[cactus-cactus-cactus]

I hateeeee having to get used to new place new food new water new eating schedule WHY does my body hate meeee I don’t enjoy spending half my day feeling like shit in the bathroom UGH :/

[jankwritten]

I’ve been thinking a lot about what a Hazel and Jason friendship would look like.

Hazel tentatively reaching out after finally understanding that Jason isn’t everything she built him up to be in her head, influenced both by Nico and by what she actually observed of Jason herself

Jason assumes she just wants tips on leadership or maybe how to fight better, so he obliged by offering to train with her

Hazel expects Jason to go easy on her like Percy and Annabeth and Piper do, but instead she gets taken down within a few minutes and has Jason ruthlessly pointing out what things she could improve on.

(Cue: Hazel finally having an opponent who doesn’t underestimate her. Hazel who finally feels like she has somebody she can spar against who will help and not just let her win because she’s young and small. Hazel who finally gets why Nico spends so much time talking about how kind and helpful Jason is, even if what she’s seeing isn’t necessarily kind.)

Jason starts hanging out with Hazel outside of sparring but in other groups, like with Piper, or Nico. He learns that she loves dancing and horses and likes to test the hardness of a stone against her fingernails, likes to collect shiny non-precious things just like Nico does, likes to swear loudly whenever possible as if she’s doing it to purposely piss people off.

Hazel asks Jason if he wants to go hang out one day after the Argo quest is over, maybe go to some museum in NYC that she’s heard Percy talk about, or find metaphysical shops to walk through (I HC that Hazel really loves modern mortal interpretations of magic and that she’s fascinated by the ways mortals accidentally connect to the gods etc.) and Jason assumes she means with someone else and agrees, only to find out they’re going alone.

Jason panicking for a moment about potential misinterpretations, once he realizes, and stammering out some garbled thing about how he really likes her but not like that because ofc all he’s known so far is that being alone with a girl = someone will assume romantic intent. Hazel openly laughs in his face and rather boldly states that she KNOWS Jason is in love with her brother.

Hazel, eventually, being the first person Jason feels safe coming out to. Jason, in return, being the first person Hazel feels safe to talk about being asexual with. The two of them discussing their feelings more and more often while exploring new places together, like Hazel talking about how she did so much researching into queer history and labels when she first found out Nico is gay, Jason telling her that he still doesn’t feel like Thalia is his sister as if he might not be the same Jason Grace she remembers, the two of them coming to terms with being on the aromantic spectrum together.

Jason talking Hazel out of joining the Hunters when she’s having a very very bad day. Hazel stopping Jason from disappearing back out into the mortal world to finish school without first giving his other friends a chance to have input.

(Hazel and Jason inadvertently saving each other’s lives by tweaking fate, thus making their friendship literally woven into their lives forever indisputably. Hades/Pluto patting Jason on the back and telling him thank you with no context or clarification the next time they meet. Hera/Juno, tight lipped and silent, offering Hazel some kind of gift or blessing the next time she returns to New Rome. Hazel and Jason laughing it off when they tell each other because wow, their godly parents are weird as hell.)

[luke-o-lophus]

Be an angel and send me asks about Good Omens/Moon KNight/Wildlife/Bird/Personal stuff cuz why not. Or comment. Or DM. Anything.

I need to stay up overnight to finish a project. Haven't done this in a while and have already consumed too much caffeine. Did it calm me down? NOT REALLY

[apoetsworld]

i dont get why people make spam accounts on tumblr...its tumblr....spam is encouraged

[liebelesbe]

I need a therapist who will gently and slowly let me get used to them over the course of at least a year and treat me as if I'm a startled wild animal. and THEN start with the actual therapy. btw.

[foursaints]

did my final paper for a class on “report for an academy” by kafka and this might just be my personal brainrot but in a way a story about an ape who imitates humans to escape his cage only to find himself in a new, mildly more interesting but also more damning cage is barty coded

dil i swear we have to be psychically linked or something because its getting creepy... everyone wants to call their faves kafkaesque but nobody talks about how barty is legit a kafkaesque figure!! alienation from the body. imitation and estrangement. cages inside cages.

i haven't read report but my interpretation of barty is 100% based on Kafka's story "the burrow" (link to pdf) and ive been just ranting to @/fernhelm about it. its about a small creature that lives in a self-made underground burrow that is also a metaphor for his body— mysterious shadowy imagined enemies continuously prowl the environment who he is constantly aware of but they never materialize. no matter what configuration he makes the burrow, changing it constantly, it is never perfectly invulnerable and he knows someone will come in to act upon him (& his burrow-body) and it paralyzes him. in one instance he lays outside the mouth of the burrow like he imagines his enemy will someday, and almost takes on the shape of his own enemy. in another instance he presses himself between the small gap between two walls and wishes he could live forever in the space between inside/outside, security/danger, as if he could both have/not have a body simultaneously and have nothing to fear, but he gives up on this fantasy because "One is soon roughly awakened from childish dreams" <- THAT'S BARTY!

the obsessive ruminations on his body/burrow, the ceaseless planning and scheming and plotting, the feeling of being forever trapped, never knowing what happiness is and loving the prison because its yours, the beauty & worth in his existence despite..... ill read “report for an academy” and send you some insane dms. Its not the brainrot talking youre correct!! im connecting the same fucking dots!!!! we are fucking alive!!!!!!!!!!!!! night piece - louise gluck is woven into this same thematic web as well btw