#my dad never married my mom but died when i was young

[relicsongmel]

Just spent over an hour searching for the static Ho-oh in the overworld and suddenly Ryuji taking literal years to reunite with his family makes sense to me now

[star-sim]

my love (mine all mine) ☆ jake sim

☆ non-idol! jake x fem! reader ☆ summary: after years of abuse, jake is afraid of love, so why do you have to be so warm? ☆ genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, implied adult! au, very domestic ☆ warning(s)? domestic violence and abuse, poor parenting, 1 mention of self harm, implied mention of suicide, kinda indulgent sorry ☆ word count: 1.5k

The earliest memory that Jake had was the sound of porcelain plates crashing against the tiled kitchen floor, and the wails of his mother. 

For a period of time, it was all that he could remember: going home to a cold house, hand-in-hand with his older brother, his heart pounding in his chest as his young mind wondered if Dad was going to hurt Mom again, or if they'd go back to loving each other tonight. 

He couldn't have been any older than nine when he experienced the wrath of his father first-hand, when he came to school in May wearing a long-sleeve shirt and long pants as if the early-summer weather wasn't rising, the scent of citrus filling the air. Sure, the bruises, and later scars (because of course, his father just had to try to stab him with a broken beer bottle), hurt, but nothing would compare to the silence that rang through the house after a screaming match. It would pierce his ears every single time, so loud that it was deafening, yet so silent that Jake could hear every single breath that his mother took as she pulled at her hair, driving blades into her skin, ignoring the quiet rumble of her child's stomach. 

He'd gone to bed hungry many times. Too many times.

But, perhaps the worst memory that Jake had was the morning after his seventeenth birthday. Jake spent his birthday outside the house, not wanting to be suffocated by the taste of salty tears and domestic violence in the air. He came back late, much later than he should have. 

Thank god, neither of his parents were home, and his brother was already off to college by then. When they weren't screaming at each other, physically assaulting their son, or neglecting him, his parents were either off to work, or hanging out with their sketchy friends, drinking all of their responsibilities (like their children) away like nothing else mattered.

Or so he thought.

Because the next thing he knew, his mother was shrieking at him, hitting him with the same hands that should have been cradling his face. And when his bastard of a father heard the commotion, it was almost like he was excited, excited to have an excuse to put his son in a chokehold. It seemed like the only time that his parents wanted to agree with each other was when they could hurt him.

As his lungs closed in on him, his choked breaths gasping for air while Jake tried to pry his father's hands off his neck, he felt light-headed, a fuzzy feeling filling his head until his body lost all its strength.

Jake swore that he would have died that night, if it weren't for the barks of the family dog.

If his perception of family, love, and marriage wasn't already warped, that early morning of his seventeenth birthday did.

He vowed to himself then and there, that he would never get married, nor would he ever start a family. 

Yet, as you held him in your arms, enveloping him with warmth as hot tears streamed down his face, Jake could feel all his resolve slipping away.

Indeed, his vow held up. It held up all throughout college and for years into his adulthood. He became known as the "single friend," the friend that was always the designated driver because he'd rather die than consume a drop of alcohol.

But then you pranced your way into his life.

You, with your beautiful face. You, with the brightest smile that he'd ever seen. You, with the softest, most gentle touch.

When you wrapped your arms around his torso, pressing tender kisses against the nape of his neck as you giggled a soft,"I love you," Jake's heart pummeled to his stomach.

It was suffocating.

His hands were clammy, so moist with sweat that he had to wipe his palms on his jeans. His chest would pound, loud enough for it to be the only sound filling his ears. His stomach twisted, a hot coil curling in his abdomen. It was nauseating.

But the worst was what he felt in his throat.

Something wicked— Something overwhelming and painful— clambered up his throat. It wrapped itself around his neck, pulling tight like the noose his mother threatened to put around her own neck. When it crawled up to his mouth, Jake nearly threw it up. He tried to swallow it down, but he gagged.

And it was already too late.

He'd already muttered the words, "I love you, too" back.

Love was terrifying. If he loved, what would happen? Would he get married, and enter a life of pure misery? 

And what if he had kids?

When Jake was angry and he looked in the mirror, he hated the way that all he saw was his father's eyes staring back at him. His mother always told him that he looked like his father anyway. 

Jake knew he wouldn't. He would never lay a finger on another person, let alone his own kin. But as days and years passed, his voice only sounded more and more like his own father's. He couldn't help the way his expressions scarily resembled his mother's, the same ones that he'd seen contort into fear, wrath, and indifference.

But here he was.

In the dark, his face was buried in your shoulder, the same ones that he'd kissed. You patted his back as he let out sobs, wet and salty tears wetting your skin.

It was another night, where you and him would hang out and flirt in your apartment, maybe do a little kissing. 

Maybe he shouldn't have laid down with you. Maybe he shouldn't have let you put your fingers in his hair, stroking it gently as he laid on your chest. Maybe he shouldn't have listened to your every word as you traced his face, muttering to him everything about him that you loved about him. He shouldn't have, he really shouldn't have. Especially when you ended it all with a kiss to his eyelids, whispering into his ear, "I can't wait to marry you one day."

Jake always did his best to contain his emotions. After all, he'd learn to do it so well because of his home life. No one had to know about his struggles.

Yet he couldn't help the wave of emotions that crashed down on his shoulders. One moment, he was smiling in your kiss, the next his face was wet.

It didn't help when you were so warm to him. You cradled his face, kissing his tears away, hands holding him like he was a piece of glass. 

"I'm scared," was all he could say.

Because that was all he felt in that moment.

Fear.

Fear, because he couldn't figure out why he was crying. 

Fear, because now all his emotions were spilling out. 

Fear, because you said you wanted to marry him.

Fear, because he, too, wanted to marry you.

You didn't let him go that night.

You stayed there with him, letting him cry into your shoulder until the sun rose. You didn't know why exactly, but the way he gripped your waist like you'd leave him was enough to tell you.

"I know, I know," you'd whispered into his ear. "I know, Baby."

All he did in response was pull you closer, and chant your name like it was a prayer, like you were his god and he was your worshiper.

Jake's favorite memory was the sound of wailing.

Not the wailing of his mother, not the wailing of his older brother, but the wailing of the child in your arms.

He could only watch with misty eyes as the small newborn clung to your chest, loud crying filling the hospital room. 

"Jakey," you said weakly, flashing him a smile. "Look what we made."

We.

That's right. 

This child was his and yours. As he held the baby, being careful not to do anything stupid, Jake stared into its crying eyes (as if his eyes weren't crying, too). 

When Jake looked at his child, he saw his eyes. He saw the same eyes that his own father gave him. He wasn't filled with fear, or anger, or guilt— he felt love. 

This child didn't have his father's angry eyes, the eyes that Jake spent his entire life believing he inherited.

No, this child had Jake's eyes, Jake's eyes that were filled with love.

You giggled softly as you watched your husband's intent and utterly fascinated gaze at your child. He snapped his head up at you.

"I love you," he blurted. He didn't say it a lot. It felt like poison on his tongue when he did, something unnatural and not meant for him. But in that moment, it felt like his entire being was made to say it. "God, I love you so much."

Yes, Jake would run. 

He'd run, and run, and run, from love. 

He'd run as far as he could, until his legs gave out.

He'd run for eternity, because he knew that one day, he'd walk to you.

[worldwithinworld]

Since we all have the time of Haymitch's games on our minds, I thought now would be a good time to bring up again my longstanding theory that Katniss's mother was disowned by her parents but not primarily (or even at all) because she married someone from the Seam. I think it's because she and Katniss's father were involved in rebellious activities.

Here are my clues:

She was Maysilee's friend. She got her canary after she died, inheriting the symbol of a warning in the form of a songbird.

Haymitch's victory frightened Show. If the Capitol's control was strong at the time, Haymitch's forcefield trick would have been just good tv. The fact that Snow came down so hard on Snow suggests there were threats of rebellion before Haymitch even went into the arena.

When Gale is whipped, Haymitch says they used to take people who got whipped to Katniss's mother. Specifically, he says, "She's the one we took them to," which seems to imply it was just her, not her whole family.

After treating Gale, she briefly speaks to Haymitch about "before." They understand each other so easily with just a few words despite us seeing hardly any interaction between them before. It feels like they have more of a shared history than what Katniss knows.

Speaking of what Katniss knows, she considers this interaction and wonders what they are talking about but decides she's too upset to ask right then. She never thinks about asking again, but the whole thing suggests that there is a lot more to the story of D12 in Haymitch and her parents' youth.

Katniss remembers her mom getting angry at her dad for teaching her "The Hanging Tree." Little Katniss had cried because her mom yelling was so out of the norm. Katniss assumes that her mom didn't like her little girl learning such a dark song, but we know better. Her dad sang a rebels' song, and her mom got scared of him teaching it to her daughter.

I think both of Katniss's parents were involved in rebellion to some degree when they were young. The Capitol came down hard on Haymitch and his whole district to snuff it out. It scared Katniss's maternal grandparents who maybe told her to cut ties with her Seam boy or else, or maybe they just cut her off for her own deeds irrespective of her romantic interest.

[babygirl-riley]

Building a Home

Simon’s mom tells him if the life he would have, Simon will come to see she was right.

“This is a place where I don’t feel alone. This is a place where I feel at home.”

A/N: Listen will never stop thinking of stories with her art @ave661 😭✋🏼

Warnings: fluff, angst, childhood trauma, trauma, soft!simon, small mentions of smut, mentions of death, husband!simon, dad!simon, swearing

simon x reader guide

simon x reader family edition

“Simon,” Simon turned to look at his mom. Her gray hair coming out more as so her wrinkles. Simon came over to her home to visit before he had to leave for deployment. He hummed to let her know he heard her. She placed her tea down before turning fully to him. “You need to find ya a girl.”

Simon rolled his eyes, topic of conversation after Tommy had Joseph. “Mum,” He moaned setting his tea next to her on the shared table next to them. She loves sitting out on her porch in the middle of the day. It felt nice during the fall, where the weather would be that nice warm that would go to cold eventually. “We ‘ren’t talking ‘bout this.”

“We need to,” She chuckled. “Ya not gonna stay old for long.”

Simon shook his head. “Mum really I don’t need a woman.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh I didn’t realize that it wasn’t women,” Simon raised an eye brow to her. “I always thought it was only women.”

Simon choked on his tea. “No it’s not that mum,” He groaned rolling his eyes. “Probably would be easier.” He mumbled.

She chuckled. “It’s the same no matter if it was a man or woman,” They both chuckled before she sighed. “Really Simon, you need to find you a young lady. Would love to see both my sons married. That they would be taken care of.”

Simon sighed. “Right now isn’t the time.”

His mom looked at him and nodded. “It will come without you knowing it.”

Simon didn’t believe her when she said that. Especially when she died he didn’t believe her. No one could love Simon Riley, he was a cold hearted monster. Who’s hands weren’t as innocent as it was then. No one would want to touch him to become as dark as he was.

Simon barely got close to anyone, too afraid of losing someone. It always happened, nothing went right for Simon. Once he got close or happy it would be snapped away from him, like he didn’t deserve it. So why put himself in a situation where he could potentially get close?

At work Johnny would try to be friends with him but he would bat him off. Still Johny does of course taking it as a challenge but Simon is a stubborn one. Price even warned Soap about how he might be buried if he kept trying. New recruits would call him ‘SUTA’ which he figured out it was ‘stick up the ass.’

So he never believed his mother no woman would love a man that was considered a cold hearted man that couldn’t be thawed. Which he was fine with, he loved being alone. He got used to being alone.

Yet you came along for the ride. You were this woman that came up to him at a grocery store, asking for help to reach an item. You weren’t scared of him. Timid. You made eye contact, curiously watching him. Simon even didn’t say a word as he did the service for you. It didn’t even make him bat an eye at you until; you made a joke about how short you were saying there wasn’t counters to hop on.

Simon then joked with you about how you could have climbed the shelves like a monkey. You laughed, making his stomach turn and his heart beat faster. Both of you talked in the aisle until you said that both of you should finish the conversation with a drink. Simon agreed.

“Ya always say that.” He grumbled grabbing his tea once more.

His mom grabbed her tea as well taking a sip. “That’s what happened with Tommy.”

Simon sighed, before looking forward at the scenic view. “Tommy is a better man mum.”

“Says the one who got him out of his rut,” She mumbled eyeing him. “Says the one who cut their father out his life including his families,” Simon looked at her narrowing his eyes. “Don’t you dare say that ya are not Simon Riley.” Simon sighed looking away. “Ya too hard on yourself.”

Simon took a sip of his tea. “Well it is what it is.”

“Ya stubborn is what that is.” She commented chuckling. “Ya get it from me.”

Simon huffed amused. “Lucky me.”

It was silent for a moment. “I’m gonna say this last time Simon,” She spoke looking at him. “Ya gonna have a beautiful wife that can handle ya stubborn mind, with a beautiful baby that will get that stubborn head, and a beautiful house.”

Simon chuckled. “Will I get a stubborn mutt too?”

“Oh you would have to,” Both of them laughed as she smiled at him. “Ya come to me to thank me. To say I was right.”

Simon didn’t expect it. Just his team, your family, him, and you. The wedding dress close to your body, the smile plastered on your face. The tears slipping out of his eyes as you walked towards him.

You looked like you came from heaven itself. Your hair curled just the way you liked it, the make up simple and barely noticeable, and that fucking smile. Happy. You kept up with his stubborn ass for 5 years before he proposed.

5 years of being patient with him, he wasn’t the best boyfriend at the beginning. He didn’t know how to be. Physical touch was never a thing for a very long time. You thought at first he hated you but realized that the other things he did showed his care. He didn’t even kiss you until 9 months into the relationship. He didn’t say I love you, the actual sentence until 3 years in the relationship. You both didn’t have sex until 7 months into the relationship.

What did you do? Nothing. You understood, you didn’t ask to touch him or interact with it until he did. His pinky grabbing yours while walking inside a mall. That would eventually go to him wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You would only kiss his cheek or forehead until he would grab your cheeks and plant his lips on yours. You would say I love you to him first naturally but he would respond by I know. It wasn’t until you both were watching the stats on a hill before he turned to you saying I love you. You never pressured him to have sex, you would make out and once it got heated he would stop. Apologizing. You would shake your head and place a kiss on his cheek. Until he finally wanted to, you would make sure it was okay every step.

You were patient with his “stubbornness,” at least that what he would think. Until one day you told him it wasn’t stubbornness it was his boundaries. Once those words left your mouth he knew he was in love with you. You loved him for him. It wasn’t perfect at times but you always came back and so did he. When he proposed to you, it was private.

You came home from work and being pent up you wanted Simon to do whatever to you. He fucked you senseless that night then drew a warm bath. You both were laying in the suds of the warm bath lights dimmed as he had you lean against his chest.

“Marry me.” He whispered kissing your neck softly.

At first you laughed cause you both had the conversation that he didn’t want to marry. “Okay Simon.”

Simon turned your head to him. “No dove marry me.”

It was another moment of silence as she sighed. “Even if your kid is stubborn they will be the kindest.” She added standing up. He watched her get up looking at her. “The thing I never thought that would happen because…” She paused looking away for a moment. “Because of your father, you became the kindest loving person Simon. You may deny it. But your child will always think and know that you are their hero.”

“I don’t know. Maybe one day.” He mumbled.

“You wait Simon your kid will be happy to see you come home from work again and again. That’s what ya did when I came home when you were a toddler,” He chuckled as he shook his head. “Ya did! You would yell mummy mummy look look! Show me some rock you found out in the back. Still have it.”

Simon laughed. “Ya have that thing?”

“Yep,” She chuckled rocking in the chair she was in. “On my vanity. But when that happens you will get just as excited. Yell with ‘em.”

Simon walked into the door as Riley stood by him. Price gave him the dog because of good infiltration missions, search and rescue, and bomb sniffing. Why he chose Simon to have the dog? Sole purpose because he knew that the wife wanted him and cause his name is Riley. Why wouldn’t they keep him?

When he opened the door, the squeal of delight burst into his ears. You laid on the floor with yours and his daughter. She bounced in her butt as she reached up with grab me motion. Simon’s heart did flips as a smile showed on his face. “There are my angels.” He said reaching down to hold his daughter close placing a kiss on her head. 

“Daddy daddy,” He heard pattering feet running down the hallway. The oldest running with a paper in hand. “Look look,” She shoved the paper up showing Simon, in his skull mask holding hands with you with a belly, her and the baby. “Dats all of us!”

“I see that,” He said chuckling. “We look pretty good.” The potato drawing stage has been his favorite art style. Has one in his office as we speak of Riley and him.

You got up, he noticed that you tummy was showing more the third one on the way. “You even showed my belly coming.” You joked looking up at Simon who went down for a kiss. Riley barked as his oldest went to give him a squeeze as he licked her face.

“How’s the hellins been?” He asked you kissing you again. The baby cooing as she played with his jacket.

“Hellins,” You smiled at him before placing your hand on your stomach. “This one’s especially can’t keep anything down.”

“Hm gonna have to give ‘er a long talk then.” Simon joked kissing your forehead.

The baby squealed again reaching for Riley. Your oldest laughing as she looked at both him and the baby. Riley’s tail was wagging as he patiently waited for Simon to show him the baby. You giggled as Simon sighed. “Can’t have a moment huh Ri? Have to see Allison after getting all the love from Millie?”

He barked as he got excited when Simon went to his knees. Riley walked up to his daughter licking her hand as she reached for him. Simon praised Riley as he was soft towards her, kissing his daughters head. Millie coming over to wrap her arms around his larger one. “Love ya daddy.”

“‘M not gonna be a husband nor a father mum.” He mumbled not looking at her.

“Why,” Simon shrugged and she scoffed as she looked at him. “You would never be like him,” Still didn’t say anything she frowned standing up cause him to look at her as she walked in front of him. “I do because ya father would never have kicked out someone that was hurting his family. Would never go visit his mum. Would never get his brother out of crowd he ran with. Would never play with his nephew. Would never serve his country,” She walked up to him to place a hand on his cheek. “And one day your wife will tell you and your kids will show ya how much of an amazing person you are,” Her eyes watered as she rubbed her thumb up and down. “And if you ever forget, it isn’t too late to remember.”

Simon never would have done this, never would go backwards. Too many memories too much pain. Yet when he mentioned that his mother’s birthday was coming close you mentioned to visit her. He would deny it and not say anything afterwards. Yet once the day become closer the thought became more inviting. More wanting to go.

After putting the girls to bed you both laid in the shared bed. He was more quiet that day as tomorrow was the day. You didn’t say anything about it kept going on like nothing was happening. You laid on Simon’s chest when he inhaled deeply. “Let’s have ya mum watch the kids,” He whispered. “Think I should visit my mum.”

You nodded as you melt closer to him. “You sure? I don’t have to come either.”

“I want ya there.”

Now he was here, standing in front of his family’s stones. Names engraved into them. Flowers in hand. Wind is the only sound hitting his ears besides the sound of his heart. You stood next to him looking down at the stone as well. Not saying a word. Being patient. Simon’s mind was racing rapid. “She was right ya know,” He mumbled quietly. You looked up at him giving a quizzed look. “Said that I would have the life I have. Yet I can’t tell her like she said I would.”

You looked back down at the stone before smiling, slowly grabbing his empty hand. “I think she knows Si.”

Simon inhaled deeply as tears filled his eyes. The mask hiding the trembled lip. You were right, she knew. She knew that the life she hoped that he would have came together piece by piece. Shaping the home that he gave for his loving wife and caring girls.

[talktonytome]

Ok I couldn’t stop thinking about this post and how Eddie’s cultural background impacts his life so I’m adding some of my thoughts:

re: repression and emotions- unfortunately for those who subscribe to the machismo part of our culture, they are taught to repress emotions- boys&men shouldn’t cry, suck it up, showing pain is weak. And we see that with Eddie and his Dad, who ingrained that so much so Eddie resorted to unhealthy outlets (like cage fighting-another macho thing) and he was having panic attacks because his feelings and emotions had no where to go. He was so reluctant and skeptical of therapy (again another machismo/ Mexican thing)

re: being forced to grow up too fast- when he was a BOY, his dad told him he had to be the “man” of the house now and take care of the family, which segues into getting Shannon pregnant in their teens. By his dad’s measure, he was a man right? He was expected to get married and assume the role of husband and provider. And sure, religion plays into it as well. he felt pressured and never had the time to think what do I want to do? And as is the case for so many to escape their situation, he joined the army and boy do you grow up fast there.

re: relationships- he married his first serious girlfriend when they were so young and even though they loved each other, people change so much and they weren’t given the option to consider not being together. Eddie mostly assumed the role of provider because he didn’t know how to deal with everything going on, especially with Christopher. (btw I don’t think it’s fair how harsh some ppl are about Shannon bc she was left alone with a kid and Eddie’s parents who hated her) He wasn’t there to be a husband or a father because, as he said himself, he left first and ofc he felt guilt over that. His only impression of love and their relationship was stagnant and frozen in time. When he reunited with Shannon, he was only maybe just starting to get closure when she died and he fell into that grief and never let himself fully heal from it. After being with Christopher again, he fully took on the role of father and that is all he was. His subsequent relationships did not work because he was really looking for a mom for Christopher and again didn’t ask himself what he wants, he struggled with relationships, and as a result, the women he tried to date suffered.

We know that his aunt constantly tries to set him up with people and oh god if that isn’t relatable. If you’re Latinx, we hear it all the time! “Cuando te vas a casar?” (When are you getting married?) “No tienes novio(a)?” (You don’t have a gf/bf?) “Deja the presento a” (let me introduce you to). There’s this pressure and stigma about being alone and Eddie goes along with these set-ups, women that are not chosen by him so ofc it feels like a performance. (I mean dating already is when you’re just getting to know someone.) and there’s the expectation in our culture that you need a partner and nuclear family to be complete.

In conclusion, I wish more people could see the influence and impact all of this has on Eddie’s life and decisions, and how he’s hispanic man forced to grow up too soon and become a dad-coded. I wish that nuance was considered more often, and my hope for season 8 is that he finally breaks it all down and figures out what he wants and who he wants to be!

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I’ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that���s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"  🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal. 

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

[luminouslywriting]

what do you think would be the reactions of the different men when they’re falling for a single mum? I think going with the time it’s more likely a young widow than a girl with a kid out of wedlock but who knows maybe John Brady just feels the desire to make an honest woman out of a poor girl at church who’s man ran off or Bucky takes to teaching his neighbors kid baseball because he sees their mom is stressed… just whatever guys you think would fit this

Nonny, this gave me actual brainrot so I hope you enjoy this so much 🥰🤍 as always, my requests are open and I don’t mind spam haha! More under the cut, cut for length, light spice sprinkled in:

Bucky Egan: (I had to run with the baseball idea haha)

-Absolutely the type of man who does not care about the past sexual history or life of a partner....and he's kinda looking for someone to date at the moment??

-But there's this kid on his block who's about six and he watches this kid attempt to throw a baseball every day and it just pains his soul because the form is awful and where is this kid's dad??

-So one day, he rolls on over to the yard of said kid and just starts offering pointers—he always wanted to be a baseball coach in his free-time and he just hasn't gotten around to it yet

-This sweet little boy makes him a deal that if Bucky comes over and teaches him how to throw a ball, lemonade will be made and given by you (his mom) and he will help Bucky paint his fence

-Bucky thinks it's a swell idea and it's at this surprising point to you that your son brings in the attractive war hero Bucky Egan straight to the kitchen and demands lemonade

-Well you and Bucky get to talking and you tell him that your husband died in the Pacific pretty early on in the war and your son has never really known a father

-That being said, it's a slow burn. He really enjoys getting to spend time with you and your son and he's afraid that he'll mess things up. But then your kid is inviting Bucky to dinner and you're telling him that it's no problem and you usually make too much food anyway.

-And somewhere along the way, he starts thinking of your house as more of a home to him than his own lonely home that he purchased. So naturally, this man panICS and has to call Gale and ask what he should do because he doesn't want to spook you or ruin the nice thing you've got going on.

-Gale definitely has to reassure him that if you both clearly want him there, then he should just go for it; Bucky deserves to be happy too.

-But he DRAGS his feet in the process....right up until your son accidentally calls him dad after hitting the ball with the baseball bat

-And then there's actual panic between you and Bucky and he's trying to apologize because clearly he's overstepped

-It would be at this point that you have to tell him that it's quite alright and you'd really like to get to know him more...because you like having him around and clearly your son adores him

-CUE THE FIRST KISS (first of many, might I add)

-It's the most darling domestic thing and he absolutely views your son as his son and he's never been so happy in his life

Gale Cleven:

-I think the most logical move here is that he finds you after Marge's passing. It was a short and love-filled marriage for them, but it was gone so quickly.

-He's devastated, naturally. And he doesn't really have anything left in Wyoming, so he sets out for Wisconsin.

-Now the thing about this is that John Egan has married Josephine Pitz—and Josephine Pitz's best friend is you. Your husband was a Marine during the war and died in action, leaving you with two little kids.

-You're doing your best but it's hard being a working single mom during the early 1950s.

-Cut to Josie and John setting this up just so

-Bucky makes the point that your car needs some work and you're a good friend of Josie's

-So this is how Gale Cleven is introduced to you—matchmaking via car-service haha

-Your two boys? Absolutely just wanna watch him work and wanna hear about everything that he's doing to the car

-But you're no fool and you know that Josie and Bucky are trying to set this up for the two of you

-So you just flat-out confront him about it and tell him that they're trying to be sneaky and that you're sorry he got caught up in their schemes

-But the thing is?? He's perfectly happy and used to their schemes. There's also the fact that this is the safest and calmest he's felt since Marge died.

-So he admits that he'd be willing to give this thing a chance if you are

-So it's a slow-burn for the two of you as you're trying to navigate around the fact that you've both already lost a partner and the fact that you have kids

-But he's so good with them and helps with the homework and genuinely just tries his best

-It's not a surprise to anyone when you're married a year later

Robert Rosenthal:

-On his way to the Nuremberg Trials, he meets you—a young lawyer who has recently just found out that you're pregnant (not that you're telling anyone that).

-You two become fast friends and he finds out that your husband was a British RAF Pilot who died. He's entirely sympathetic and sweet about the situation.

-The pair of you team up for the trials and it's amidst the preparations for the Trials that he finds you doubled over with morning sickness. This man assumes that it's the flu. Babe, it is not the flu.

-So a few weeks into you being sick and dealing with the trials, he's getting real concerned and you just have to spill the tea that you're pregnant.

-Not gonna lie, Rosie's heart shatters a little bit for you. It's not as if you want to leave the Trials to deal with pregnancy but you're also a whole ocean away and who do you have to rely on?

-Well he makes a promise that he's gonna help you through it

-And along the way, he's absolutely falling in love with you—with your dedication and kindness, the way that you're soft about the baby and continue to focus on work, and the way in which you're so determined to do everything entirely on your own

-He definitely very quickly makes you an offer that you're a little befuddled by

-The offer is marriage—and the thing is?? It's a damn good offer. You're a recent widow trying to do her job at the Nuremberg Trials, just found out you're pregnant, away from home, and have no support system

-So naturally you accept and this is a marriage born out of convenience and kindness to you....but there is so much affection and care.

-He's had feelings for you for a while and he's perfectly happy taking his time in the relationship and understands that you might not reciprocate the feelings in the same way.

-If nothing else, at least you'll be provided for, your child will have a father, and you'll always have a friend by your side

-It's at this point that your feelings start to develop because he's just such a good person and treats you so well and so clearly loves you

-The two of you are icons during the trials (Mr. and Mrs. Rosenthal), and he comes back from Europe with a wife and daughter on his arm....and no, he didn't tell anyone so it was quite a shock to everyone.

John Brady: (Also decided to run with it haha)

-Listen, this man has a picture perfect plan for what he wants to have happen when he gets home from the war and that's all fine and dandy, but this man was NOT planning on you haha

-You faithfully attend the same church as he does and it's pretty obvious that you're pregnant.....

-But man the gossip is bad. And he's not one to listen to idle gossip and just believe what people say. But evidently your fianceé had run off when he found out you were pregnant and had taken any chance of a reputable life. It's ROUGH, okay??

-And the thing is, John Brady is out here just trying to do his Christian duty by seeing if you need any help over at your house....because he also passes it on the way to Church and YIKES, your yard is going through it

-It's the first time that someone just offers to do something nice for you??? You're so thrilled about it

-So he comes over that summer and does your yard work for you and you make little sandwiches and he gets to have lunch with you

-The thing is, you two get to talking and he finds out that you weren't even planning on having kids for a while anyway and it was YOUR former man who wanted to do the deed and refused to help out in any way. This is entirely a man's folly and has ruined things for you.

-Now he feels bad, he does....

-But he's not trying to make a move or anything. At the moment anyway haha. Instead, he invites you to spend some time with his sisters because you need friends anyway and they all have kids so they can help you know what to expect for pregnancy.

-Well it's all going great and he's pretty happy with the fact that you now have a support system and he's starting to make some waves in work. And then the yard is done and finished.

-And for some reason he's offering to help with the plumbing and the inside work too? It's definitely not because he's worried about you and it's definitely not because he's very very attracted to you in any way shape or form lol.

-I don't think anything actually happens until you're right ready to pop....at which case YOU kiss HIM because you're just real impatient

-And he doesn't get to respond to anything because your water breaks and he's taking you to the hospital

-So while you're in labor, this man is processing the fact that he MAYBE really really likes you and has already planned out the rest of your lives together, but that's BESIDES the point

-He still feels like he's taking advantage here....right up until you have a son and you name him Johnny because Brady was the only person that was kind to you during pregnancy and this man just melts on the spot, professes love to you—and tells you that he wants to take care of you for the rest of your life.

-Chef's kiss tbh

[liamlawsonlesbian]

it's officially past midnight here, which means that it's officially nine years since my mom died, more than a third of my life ago. it's the kind of bad thing where it's impossible to grasp the enormity of the badness of it. bc 99.5% of people who follow this blog don't know anything about my mom, here are some representative facts:

she read on average about 300 books a year, even when she was at her busiest — she didn't sleep much and would read in the night

her creative outlets of choice in adulthood were gardening, party planning, and sewing

her creative outlets of choice as a child were ballet and theater

she was a talented and successful attorney

her natural bluntness meant that she could be kind of a jerk, and she didn't suffer fools

she was a loyal and present friend

she read novels aloud to me starting when I was three, and didn't stop until she got sick when I was sixteen

she once turned in the same final paper to four different college classes - "if you think about it, Henry James is 19th and 20th century and English and American literature"

she would have killed me if I had ever pulled a stunt like the above bullet point

she developed deeply held pro-union convictions at the age of 9, much to the confusion and chagrin of her centrist parents

her accent was so good that when my parents were living in Argentina, people would say "vos sos de acá - pero tu esposo, de dónde es?"

she refused to speak Spanish with her daughters because "it's not the language of our relationship"

my parents got married very young; the last time she broke up with my dad before they got engaged, she told him "you're never going to be as good a writer as me" (wish I had had that kind of confidence at 19)

she loved babies

sometimes when she was talking to toddlers when her own children were older she would grab me or one of my sisters and go "this is MY baby"

she had the best taste in clothes

she got really mad about board games

she was my favorite person

[the-ace-with-spades]

I'll never write it because it hits a bit too close home for me to write it without mental strain (I'd read it okay tho...) but I have a very specific scenario in my head so—

Bradley gets the same type of cancer his mom died from.

I imagine it's lung or pancreas cancer because I've seen those and they can be quite aggressive or progressive depending on type. In my head, Carole was in her late thirties/early forties at the latest when she got sick and I imagine it was unexpected and quick, as it often is with young cancer.

The thing is, people deal with cancer diagnosis differently in so many ways — some are in complete denial, some try to stay optimistic for their family, and some just... give up.

Bradley's seen enough cancer and death that he can't deny it but he also can't ever believe he has any luck left in life.

He's in his late 20s. He's just been proposed as his squad's candidate for Top Gun. The DADT just got removed. He has a long-term, serious partner (Jake) who he might not be completely open about everything yet but whom he loves and plans to marry and who loves him back. They're planning on buying a house, Jake talks about having kids. Bradley met Jake's family and his life didn't blow up and they even liked him. The years after he stopped talking to Mav were tough, but he's feeling as settled and as happy with his life as he can be at the time.

He goes to his routine physical as normal, maybe his spirometry comes up short or maybe his bloods are a bit off, or maybe he's just feeling more tired than normal and the doc has a feeling.

Doc informs him about the suspicions, he gets the tests done and it turns from suspicion to reality. At no point Bradley mentions it to Jake. He's taken off flying schedule, sure, but he doesn't tell anyone why, just making something up about his eyesight getting worse or maybe about a recurring ear or sinus infection.

Even if the diagnosis wasn't that bad and the oncologist was optimistic prognosis-wise, Bradley, who has already heard the exact same words about his mom's diagnosis, wouldn't believe it at all. Maybe he wouldn't believe it at all to the point that he'd refuse treatment and just let life run its course.

He'd start planning.

Get everything sorted out while he can. Make it as painless for everyone as much as he can.

And it starts small and escalates quickly. He updates his will, he has a med leave meeting with his superiors, advocates for a transfer to an office role.

He breaks up with Jake, still not telling him a thing. Just so he doesn't have to go through it with Bradley as well — because he knows he'd. And you bet he does the break up in a way that pisses Jake off to the point he doesn't realize how suspicious everything is — the timing, the medical leave, Bradley changing from 'let's buy a house together and have kids' to 'i don't think we can really work out together' on the span of weeks. He's brash in the worst way, and obviously, it also makes their friend group wary and isolates him — which was exactly his plan.

There's one person who he knows will be forever guilty if they don't talk. So, you know, he takes a trip down to China Lake and he and Mav talk. He says all the right things he knows Mav wants to hear — that he forgives him, that he's not mad anymore, that he understands, that he still considers Mav his sort of dad and that he was pissed but he's ready to move on. Maybe Mav does the unexpected and explains to Bradley why he pulled the papers and maybe Bradley actually forgives him.

So, you know, with that Bradley is all ready to take on everything alone, never have anyone find out and just start, well, dying on his own, medical partial leave, all of his stuff sold or written into the will, potential transfer to a paper-pushing position in Point Mugu, far away from everyone who could ever care about him, any people who could ever be affected at all by his illness in the blind.

He was not counting on one thing, though — that Mav, forgiven and missing over ten years of Bradley's life, will try to be part of his life again. Calls, visits — Bradley can't really keep it hidden that he's just rolled over his life in the span of weeks, even if he doesn't not why. Bradley was young when his mom got sick but not that young — he remembers how Mav took it, he's not going to retraumatize him.

But it's really hard not to let Mav know too much when he's asking about everything, and he mentions Jake once and Mav runs wild with the information. First starts to prod Bradley, then tries to do his own investigation and finds out that Jake was stationed at the same base and that they had been together before they broke up abruptly not long ago.

He thinks he's connected the dots — Bradley's weird behavior has to be due to heartbreak, y'know — and tries to play a bit of a wingman by approaching Hangman on his own.

The two people Bradley is trying to keep in the blind meet and realize something is fishy. Jake not only gets hit with the face with Bradley's estranged dad existing but also not being estranged anymore and with that Bradley is acting freaking weird. Mav gets hit in the face because it was Bradley who did the breaking up in the nastiest way possible (and he raised him better than that and also can still see he's got the sad lovesick puppy face whenever Mav tries to bring Jake up) but also with the realization that whatever Bradley is doing, he's got them fooled.

In the end, I think it'd be Ice who figures it out (whether or not he and Mav are together in this scenario). Hears all about it from Mav and Jake and has this moment when it all kind of spins in his head, his own experiences and feelings making a callback, and just tells them, it sounds like he's preparing for a goodbye.

Needless to say, Jake is pissed, Mav is pissed. They stage an intervention and you know that Bradley coughs up (probably in some dramatic way as well... like getting sick to the point they call an ambulance for him...). They definitely freak out when they find out he's been refusing treatment this whole time.

(I don't want to go into actual details of treatment but you can bet Mav and Jake are fucking glued to him from then on and they watch him like hawks. It's not all roses and I don't believe it'd be a quick treatment, probably running long, having better and worse days. Maybe he won't even be able to fly afterwards, once he's in remission. Maybe he never goes into remission. I don't know, I don't like thinking that far...)

[y0urm4m]

No time to die ch.1

Warnings: smoking, swearing, arranged marriage, alcohol consumption, weapons, blood, arguing, possible smut, fighting.(This includes all parts!!)

Summary: What will happen when two strangers with awful backstories are forced into an arranged marriage but one is seeking revenge.

┏━━━ 🀥 ━━━┓

There I sat cross legged, on my father’s plush leather couch in his office. Cigarette in hand. His little ‘body guards’ standing by the door. “So why did you call me in here?” I asked, exhaling the smoke. “Would you put that stupid thing out, you know I don’t like it when you do that.” He sighed, motioning towards the cigarette. I rolled my eyes, putting it out in his ashtray. “You’re a bit hypocritical, I’m not a little girl any more.” I said, crossing my arms. “Anyways, I called you in here as we need to have a serious conversation.” He said, nodding at the men letting them leave. I never really cared about getting to know their names as it would be different men by next week. “Carry on.” I replied, completely uninterested. “Well you know how much danger you can be in once you turn twenty-one and I couldn’t let that happen, so the last time I was in a meeting I had a chat with a few people and sorted something out.” He explained, sipping on his whiskey. “I don’t get your point.” I snorted, raising my eyebrow slightly. “My point is, you’ll be getting married next week as we needed it to be as soon as possible,” He responded, smiling. “I’ve met him and you would both be a perfect match.” He added, re-filling his glass.

There was no way he was forcing me to get married to a man I’d never met in my life.

“Wait, that’s unfair. I’ve never even met him and we’re getting married in a week.” I explained, standing up to walk out. “Don’t be like that y/n, you know I’m only trying to protect you.” He remarked also arising from his seat. “If you really wanted to protect me you wouldn’t have done any of the things you’ve done and mom would still be here!” I shouted, opening his office door. As the door opened I saw my dad give the men a look and with that the two of them were gripping onto my wrists. “Get off of me.” I screamed, kicking my legs slightly. “I’m sorry sweetheart, everything I’ve ever done has been for you.” He sighed emphasising the ‘for you’. “You haven’t done shit for me, if I was ever in danger it would be because of you,” I disagreed, my face shining with disgust. “I. Fucking. Hate. You.” I spat, and with that I felt myself being dragged to my bedroom, the door being slammed shut behind me.

How could he do this to me, after everything he has put me through these past 13 years. I was forced to grow up, because of him. My mom died, because of him.

Flash back:

I was awoken to a loud crashing noise from downstairs, I slowly slid out of my bed, tiptoeing down the creaky steps. There my mother stood screaming in my father’s face. “I told you to not bring that shit in my house.” She shouted, pushing him back. “I never wanted to but I had to for yours and y/n safety!” He shouted back, looking behind him. I was just to far up the stairs to the point where I couldn’t see who he was looking at.

The next thing I knew, there my mom was, her limp body on the floor. Pools of blood surround her. “Mom!” I screamed, running down the stairs hugging her lifeless body. “Y/n?!” My dad gasped, pulling me away from her. “Daddy what did you do to mom?” I asked, my breathing patterns speeding up rapidly. “Nothing baby, don’t worry about it. Go back upstairs please, I’ll be up in a second.” He told me, ushering me up the stairs.

End of flash back:

That was the last I saw of my mom, he told me she went to live with my aunt and obviously with my youthful and young mind I wouldn’t have understood until recently.

I sighed, sliding down the side of my door. How could he do this especially behind my back, I was supposed to be ‘his little princess’ although I know for a fact I wasn’t, the only reason I’m still alive is because I’m ‘blood’.

Which was one of the biggest lies I’d ever heard. Blood only ever makes you related. Trust, love and loyalty makes you family.

— I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, not even leaving to eat. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about yesterday and all the events that had occurred, but I just have to get through all this. I was brought out of thought by someone knocking on my door. “Y/n?” My dad called out through the door. “What do you want?” I asked, sitting up from where I laid. “You’ll be meeting some of the your fiancé’s family today.” He said softly, my eyes widened. “I don’t even know his name.” I shouted back, standing up and heading straight for my bedroom door. “You’ll soon find out, now get ready.” He told me, leaving me confused as he walked down the hallway back to his office.

I rushed over to my closet, picking out the most presentable but comfortable clothes I could, shoving them on.

I just had to get married and make my dad happy.

“You can do this.” I whispered to myself as I walked out of my room towards where my dad stood. He was on the phone, as per usual. “I’m ready, I’ll be downstairs.” I whispered in his ear, heading towards the stairs. He turned to look at me nodding as I walked downstairs. 

I was immediately greeted by one of my fathers ‘big bad bodyguards’, who was pointing towards the car. I slid into the backseat, patiently waiting for my dad to make his way to the car. After roughly 15 minutes he had finally got into the car. The car immediately started, as we made our way to the restaurant. “Put your foot on it Darren, we’re going to be late.” My dad told the man driving us, he almost immediately sped up swerving through traffic.

I stared out the window, looking at all the shops and buildings we passed. “Where are we actually going?” I asked, looking slightly at my dad. “Just a restaurant, we’re almost there anyways.” He replied, looking down at his phone. I rolled my eyes, his phone was practically glued to his hand you’d think he was a teenage girl by the way he doesn’t leave the house without it.

As we continued passing people, buildings and other cars, two people caught my eye. It was a man and a little girl. They were walking down the street eating ice cream, they both looked so happy.

Why couldn’t me and my dad have that bond together?

— We slowly approached a small restaurant, which was filled with people; mainly middle aged men and women. “Come on then we’re already late as it is.” My dad said, patting my shoulder as he got out of the car. I slid out the car door, walking next to him as we entered the restaurant. “Can I know his name now?” I asked, looking at my dad. “I guess so,” He sighed. “His name is Chris and I expect you to show him and his family the most utter respect, okay.” He smiled, as I nodded.

“Good afternoon, have you guys got a reservation?” The waiter asked, looking down at the paper placed in front of them. “Yes, yes we have. The last name should be sturniolo.” He replied, looking at his watch. “Great, everyone else is already here so follow me and I’ll grab you guys some more menus.” The waiter said, leading us over to the table.

As we made our way to the table I was greeted with, 5 people. 3 in which all looked very similar in age and looks. An older lady immediately stood up walking towards me. “You must be y/n, I’ve heard so much about you.” She said, kissing my cheeks. I smiled, as the others greeted me and my dad. One boy in particular kept his gaze on mine. “If you couldn’t tell we’re triplets,” One of the boys said. “I’m Nick.” He added, bumping the one who sat on his left’s shoulder. “Oh uh I’m Matt.” The other chimed in, smiling. “And that’s Chris, anyways feel free to sit down.” Nick said, pointing towards a chair. I sat on the chair, looking at my dad who was already deep into a conversation. “So why don’t you tell us more about yourself.” The lady said, sipping from her drink. I bit my cheek slightly, looking at Chris and back down. “Why don’t I start, I’m Nick, I’m 20, I’m a triplet obviously and I really enjoy photography!” He said, smiling at me. “Uh well, I’m y/n and I.” I started speaking, when my dad ;who was now staring holes into my face, caught my attention.

“Why don’t we talk about the wedding.” My dad said abruptly changing the subject as he turned to look at Chris. “Right yes the wedding, aren’t you excited!” Nick said, giddily. “She is indeed, we’ve been discussing it a lot recently.” My dad butted in before I could begin to speak. I sighed, looking down at the water in front of me. “Chris are you happy?” Matt asked, nudging his brother’s shoulder. “What- oh- uh yes I am and it’s been wonderful meeting my wife to be.” He said, fake smiling. I could tell by the rest of his body language that he wasn’t genuinely happy or interested in the current conversation. “Well i was hoping we could go shopping and look at dresses tomorrow, but only if you’d like to.” The lady asked, grinning at me. “I’m sure she’d love to. Wouldn’t you?” My dad replied, looking at me. I nodded my head. “Yes, of course I would.” Just then my dad’s phone started ringing, who looked down at who was calling. “I’m sorry this is important, I’ll be back in a second.” He said, walking outside of the restaurant. “So what kind of dresses do you plan on looking at,” Nick asked. “Oh before you say, we wouldn’t want to spoil anything for Chris you’ll just have to tell us tomorrow.” He added, smiling at Chris who’s attention was now on his phone.

I sat talking with them and eating the food we had ordered whilst I waited patiently for my dad to return from his ‘important call’. “y/n!” Someone beckoned out to me, I turned to look. It was my dad and he wasn’t happy. “We need to leave now, something happened it’s important.” He told me, as I shot up grabbing my stuff. “It was nice meeting you all, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said waving as I left the restaurant. “What was that about?” I asked, frowning at my dad. “Nothing, don’t worry about it. We just urgently need to get home,” He replied, getting back into the car as I also slid into the car. “Oh Nick asked me to give you his number by the way.” “Okay, I’ll message him now.” I replied, pulling out my phone.

Hi my dad said you wanted me to have your number

Yes I wanted to talk about what time your going wedding shopping tomorrow

I honestly don’t know but i’d love if you’d come with me

I was hoping you’d ask me that

I giggled earning a frown from my dad. “What are you giggling about?” He asked, looking at my phone. “I was just talking to Nick about tomorrow.” I replied, looking back down at my phone. “Oh right, well I’ll get Darren to drop and pick you up tomorrow.” He said, Darren nodding in response as he focused on driving us home.

— We finally made it home, my dad heading straight to his office whereas I headed straight to my room to message Nick.

Me and Nick ended up talking for hours on end about anything and everything. It was as if we’d known each other for years. The connection me and Nick already had was all my 8 year old self would have dreamed for after all I’d never had a best friend because my dad had insisted for me to get homeschooled meaning I never got the chance to meet people.

Maybe this whole ‘arranged marriage’ wasn’t going to be so bad after all. I just had to get to know Chris and Matt more.

┗━━━ 🀥 ━━━┛

A/N: how we feeling about this so far, took me forever to write even though it’s short but this is just the start!!

Tag list: @junnniiieee07 @patscorner @mattyb4dominicans @watercolorskyy @brooklynn0103 @imwetforyourmom

[cheynovak]

Forbidden Hearts 

Soldier Boy x F/Reader (Y/N)  

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Alcohol, Family trauma, abuse,  

Side note: English isn’t my first language.   

Words: 6500 

*Does not follow The Boys storyline!* 

--------------------------------- 

Y/N and Ben (Soldier boy) both grew up in South Philly. Ben’s father took an interest in Y/N’s mother a few years after her father died. By the time they made their relationship public both you and Ben were young teens. As young kids you two saw each other as siblings but the more time they spend time together, the more Ben noticed his feelings weren’t normal sibling love. But what happens when Y/N reaches the age where her mother wants to find a good husband for her only daughter. 

--------------------------------- 

“Really mom? Again?” Young Y/N wined, “I don’t like Benjamin, can’t I go play outside?” Your mother sighs. “Y/N first off, Benjamin and his father are our guests, we welcome them like a proper host. And secondly a young respectable woman like yourself doesn’t run around or play in the streets.”  

Your mom was firm. “Now get upstairs and put on the pink dress Sheila picked out for you. Sheila was your servant, a beautiful young girl, barley even a woman, but she was the only real friend Y/N had. Sheila and her mother have been in this house as long as you can remember.  

But when your dad died, the money influx stopped, and your mom had to let go of a servant. Sheila was cheaper and so she could stay but work a few more hours. She was always nice to Y/N, she even made an outfit with pants so you could go play outside, and mother would never notice the mutt or grass stains on her good dresses.  

By the time Benjamin and his father arrived you and your mother waited in the grand hall to greet her guests. This wasn’t the first time you saw Ben, two years ago she met him on one of his father’s parties, remembering him as a little annoying snob, a bully. She didn’t know her mother had been writing and receiving letters from his father over the past year.  

The boy you met then had changed into a young man, Benjamin was a little over a year older than you, he turned 15 last week and starting to grow into his body, made him look like a handsome young man, but in Y/N’s eyes he was just an annoying teenager.  

You really didn’t want him here and the look on Ben’s face was exactly the same as yours, bored. His father gave him an elbow to his shoulder, urging him to greet you properly.  

Benjamin’s dad made his visits weekly, which means you had to endure the young boy in your house, while listening to boring talk from the adults. Every few minutes your mother would correct your posture. God you hated that. One time she made a comment that made Ben laugh, you hated that even more. 

“Ma-am? Pardon me, but it’s nice weather outside, perhaps miss Y/N could show the young Benjamin the garden?” Sheila interfered. Trying to safe both of you being bored this entire afternoon. “I like that idea.” his dad answered, making it impossible for you mother to decline. Sheila winked at you.  

You showed Ben the large garden and the treehouse your father made for you right before he died. The second he left his father the young boy changed. The stiffness in his shoulders disappeared, he even started to talk to her. Pretty soon they found out they had a lot more in common.  

Both lost the parent that cared the most for them. She found out Ben was in boarding school and that he only came home on the weekends. Which were now occupied with weekly visits to you and your mother.  

Luckily the treehouse became a safe place for the youngster to hang out or hide out from their parents. His father was considered a well-respected man by society, so he showed his interested in your mother by doing what a man should, courting her, for months. Until the public eye would have forgotten both were once married and have grieved long enough.  

“Does you mom always make you wear those ruffled dresses?” He asked while lying on the ground in the treehouse next to you, shoulder to shoulder looking at the sky via the opening in the ceiling. Watching the clouds drift by.  

“Uhu, A like a proper lady should.” She mocked her mother. Ben let out a sharp breath “You, a proper lady, not in a million years.” - “What do you mean?” She looked shocked. “You want to be a free little birdy. Go where the wind takes you.” You look at him not knowing where that came from. 

He lifted your skirt right above your knee. Which made you flinch and push his hand away. “Your knees are covered in bruises.” he added seeing your discomfort. “I’m sure a proper lady doesn’t go out and play rougher games outside.”  

“Well, I think that is a ridicules rule.” Y/N blushed “Amen.” He preached while winking. Y/N really liked it when he did that, such a small gesture but it gave you a warm feeling. 

 “Aren’t you bored being he every weekend?” You asked while placing your back against the wooden floor again. “Nah, this is better than being home with my old man. He doesn’t know yet, but the school is going to call him.” - “Again? That’s twice over this year I known you.” you looked at him. “Why this time?”  

“Some punk hit me. I hit back.” He answered like it was the most normal thing to do. “And why did he hit you?” Ben smirked before he turned his face to you. “I may or may not have kissed his girlfriend.” - “BENJAMIN!” that reaction made him laugh, crossing his arms over his stomach.  

“You don’t do that!” you said like you were his mother, completely in shock. “Oh come on Y/N, this is a safe place, right? What good is our friendship if I can’t tell you things like that.” You felt your cheeks heat up. “Friendship?” she asked shy.  

“Yeah, I mean, you’re nothing like al the girly girls I know. I like hanging around you, you have a ‘no drama vibe’. Doesn’t that make us friends, Birdy?” - “I guess so, you’re not as horrible to hang out with like I thought.”  

“Oh, wow thanks! Most girl even like to hang out with me.” he bumped her shoulder. “Till they get to know you.” She joked. “Wow, jeez thanks!” You bumped his shoulder back. “Being friends means tough love.” 

“Benjamin! We’re leaving!” you hear his father yell. “That time again.” He said lifting on to his elbow towards you. He looked through the cut-out window “I’m coming father!” he responded. “Well, see you next weekend, Birdy.” He said looking down at her, almost hovering over her.  

Y/N’s heart dropped, she looked into his green eyes. He’s never been this close to your face.  “Eh yeah, next weekend.” you said almost in a whisper. Ben jumped over you to crawl out of the treehouse. You still lay down on the ground, feeling the heat in her cheeks rise. Taking a deep breath before walking out after him.  

During diner your mother started yet another awkward situation, “Y/N darling, what do you and Benjamin do all afternoon in that child house?” She didn’t lift her eyes of her plate and neither did you. “Treehouse mother, and we talk.” She raised her eyebrow, you noticed. “About school, our grades, hobbies, you know, stuff” she continued. “Hm... stuff.”  

She thought for a second, “You know that young Benjamin is turning into a man.” Y/N looked up from her plate. “And a young man creates certain... desires around this age.” Oh no, not this talk you thought, while feeling your cheeks blush again.  

“And you being younger and a woman, may not feel the same desires as him, as you shouldn’t. So, it’s important you don’t give him the wrong impression.” Her eyes looked at yours. “I’m trying to say, you should know that a woman needs to be pure when she marries a man.” 

“Mom! Please stop! Ben never... I never. It’s nothing like that, he never tried anything, he is my friend!” Y/N took a deep breath, calming her nerves. “We’re just friends. You can stop this...talk.” She nodded slow, “I just noticed the time you two spend together.”  

You look back at your plate. “Well, I though, it would please you knowing I’m trying to be friends with the son of the man that’s courting you for over a year now. I mean, I believe we might see each other more often.” She smiled her well practise fake smile. 

-- 

September 1936 

Not only Ben’s birthday month but also the day your mother and his father came out as an item and engaged. And to celebrate they want to throw a party on Saturday the 20th... The day after Ben’s birthday, the day he could celebrate his 17th birthday with his family.  

You watched your mother clinging on to your stepfather to be. Flashing her ring to every woman she sees. It made your stomach turn. In the corner of your eye you see Ben, with the same disgusted look on his face. Poor Ben, he turned 17 yesterday and how did his father welcomed him home that day? By telling he is engaged. 

You saw him taking a little silver bottle out of his pocket and pouring the liquid in his orange juice. Your feet automatically walked towards him. “This was supposed to be your day.” You whisper in his ear before giving him a small welcome hug. You could see his beard coming through. Seeing his freckles, his skin, his lips moved slightly into a smile when your greeted him.  

You don’t know when he started to change, but over the last year, Ben’s slim childish figure had morphed into a man, he looked similar to his old man, clearly inherited his broad shoulders, full beard and hair colour, but Ben grew slightly taller this last year.  

Although he looked a lot like his father, his eyes were his mother’s, the hard green eyes may fool someone who doesn’t know him. Making him looking firm and tough, but if you looked closer you could see the softness and caring behind them.  

He was no longer a young boy, no, Ben looked like a man. And yes, I will admit it to myself, but never to him, he looks really good. “Quite the party.” He sighs before looking you up and down. “Did your mother chose this dress?” Y/n’s eyes grew big “No I did, why?” you ask looking at your body wondering if you made the wrong choice.  

“I thought so, you clearly have a better taste.” He winked at her. “Well, I hope I’ll have better taste in men as well.” You let those words slip without thinking, your eyes look in an instant at Ben. “I’m so sorr..”  Without any emotion he interferes your apology. “Yeah, hope so too.”  

Poor Ben, you heard his stories over the last two years about his dad, at first thinking he couldn’t be that bad. But when you saw him one weekend with multiple bruises on his back, you had no choice but to believe him. Normally he would just break Ben down mentally but sometime when he got drunk or really angry, his belt came off.  

“Ben?” - “Hm?” - ”With all this going on, I didn't have the chance yet to give you your birthday present.” His eyes grew wide looking down at you. “Follow me?” you said with a mischievous smile. 

 Ben looked around while you grabbed his hand and ran to the backyard. Noticing your mother seeing the two of you sneak out. Without thinking you climbed up to the treehouse. Ben followed right behind you, looking once over to the party, seeing your mother staring at him though the window.

He grinned before climbing up.  

She really hated the fact that her perfect daughter was so close to him, he had been thrown out of school, again. She really hoped his influence wouldn't affect her little girl. Or worse.  

“I’m really getting too big for this.” he said while climbing through the hole in the floor. Y/N chuckled soft “Need a hand?” - “yeah!” you pulled him up, accidently pulling him closer than needed. Your laugh softly faded away when roaming his face that towered over you.  

The treehouse was dark part from the soft lighting coming from the main house through the cracks. The yellow light fell perfectly on his golden skin. His eyes even warmer than before. Thank the heavens he couldn’t see the heat on your face.    

“What was it you wanted to show me?” His voice sounded deep, still holding her hands in his. “Show yo... Oh yeah, right.” you chuckle again, only this time it sounded more nervous. Ben regretted the second you let go of his hands, taking all the warmth with you. “Happy Birthday, I hope you like it.”  

Ben opened the packaging, his eyes blinked fast. “I notice you read the same Agatha Christie story over and over so I figured you might like a new one. So, you know, you can at least change once in a while.”  

Ben didn’t answer, he just stared at the book in his hands. Which made you nervous and started to talk. “I hope you don’t have this one yet? The lady at the bookstore told me it was the new one, or you know at least from last year. But it is supposed to be really good.”  

Before you could say more, he pulled you into a hug. Leaving you frozen, Ben never hugged, he tapped your shoulder or knee, gave an elbow, shoulder or wink. But a hug, never. “You really know me.” He said trying to sound neutral while he felt emotional.  

The last person who gave him a book, the book he kept reading was his mother, she loved the Poirot thrillers. Sharing it with her son. And she was the only person who ever really understood him, knew him. Y/N unknowingly reminded him of his mom. “I’m glad you like it.” you whisper against his shoulder. “I love it, it’s perfect.”  

He slowly let’s go of you, but his eyes were still lingering on your face, like he was looking for something. Ben slowly moved down, kissing your cheek. You closed your eyes, while taking a deep breath, clenching your fingers around his arm. You had no idea if it was his amazing smell or the kiss, but something made you lightheaded.  

His lips felt soft and lingered just a little too long on your skin. “Thank you.” he said again. “Ben...” he looked at you. What are you going to say Y/N, you thought to yourself. You’re welcome? Don't stop? Kiss me? You managed to snap out of it. “Maybe we should get back.”  

You could see the sadness, disappointment in his eyes. “I think you right.” He said while letting go. “Ladies first.” he pointed his hands to the opening in the floor. The two of you walked back in silence. Hands every so often brush against each other.  

-- 

Almost a year had been passed, and the parents decided to move in together, since his father had a nicer house, read: a house that had been taken care of over the years, your mother decided to move to his place. Much against the disliking of Y/N. She had to leave the house her father bought.  

Ben had been thrown out of school again, making it hard on his father to find another school that wanted to take him. “I really don’t know what to do with you son.” he had said. “You’re so far behind no other school wants to take you on.”  

“Perhaps sir, I can lend him my books after school, so that he doesn’t get behind on school knowledge and he can join next semester?” Both men looked at you with big eyes. “I wouldn’t mind tutoring him. Keeps me busy with my schoolwork as well.” You turn to your mother.  

“What do you think love?” Oh god, you hated it he called you mother that. “As long as your schoolwork gets done properly, I don’t mind.” Y/N smiled softly at Ben who shook his head softly displeased.  

“Right, that’s settled.” You mother added, “Oh and Y/N darling. Don’t forget to go to the debutant practise? It’s only in a couple of months darling. If we want to find a proper suiter, we need to get you ready. You're 16. The time is right.” You answered with a smile that looked like you had a toothache. “Of course, mother.”  

Ben saw the tears in your eyes well up. You never thought that after your father died, she wanted to continue the tradition. Besides it was the father’s job to walk his daughter down the stairs, to present his daughter. 

You hear a soft knock on the door. “Mind if I come in?” Ben asked leaning in the door. 

“If it makes you feel better, I have to go too.” He sat down next to you on your bed. “Well, ... you’ll have 20 women on each hand, trying to get your attention. I’m the weird freak who does nothing but study.” He placed himself on his back, his hand under his head. “I’m sure there are plenty suiters.”  

Y/N fell back next to him, turning your head to him. Making it touch his elbow. “And what if no one ask me to dance?” His broad smile appeared “Then I’ll find you.”- “You?” - “Yeah” - “That will be the talk of the town.” you giggled making Ben smile genuine.  

-- 

Months gone by, the night of the debutant ball came closer. Your mother made sure it would be a night to remember, Ben’s father had agreed to walk you and he arranged that, Jonathan the son of a colleague would take over the first dance.  

You both practised together, he seemed nice and interested. On the last rehearsal he saw you and Ben talk. “Hitting on my girl Benny boy?” -” Just a friendly conversation, johnny boy” he mocked his voice.  

“Listen buddy, you might want to hit on everything with a skirt on, but this one is mine.” Y/n looked shocked. “Excuse me?” - “Y/N isn’t yours pal, you might want to take it down a notch.” - “Or what?” he took a step forward. “Forgot how I rearranged your face last year buddy? Don’t mind doing it again.” Ben stood toe to toe with Jonathan.  

“Ben, Jonathan, stop it!” Both guys looked at you, standing almost in between them. “Act like gentlemen please!” To your surprise Ben listened, “But don’t worry Johnny, I'm not going after your girl. Stacy is my date. He waved at the hot girl a crossed the room. Who had no idea how to act.  

“Who is Stacy?” you asked Jonathan after Ben left. “I used to date her, but Ben who said to be my friend kissed her. I hit him, he hit me. You know.” - “That was you?!” Jonathan looked not understanding her. “Ben told me a long time ago.”  

The more you spent time with Jonathan the more you could see why he was a nice decent guy. You even started to hope he would like you enough to get to know you better.  

--  

The night of the debutant ball  

Y/N was extremely nervous that morning, while she promised Ben to help him pack his things she had to rush to prepare her own bag. Making the mistake of taking the wrong bag to the fitting room. Each girl had their own small space to prepare. It was more like a shower curtain box than a room, but it would work.  

Y/N noticed she had taken Ben’s bag with her instead of her make-up and hair supplies. Shit! She thought to herself. Y/N popped her head out of the curtain when she heard Ben’s voice. “Ben, Ben, Ben! Over here!” She yelled.  

He left the group of guys behind and ran over to you. “What’s up? Need a hand with the zipper?” he joked. “No...” She thought for a second, “Actually yes that too, but you have my bag.” You pointed to the bag in hand before disappearing back behind the curtain.  

Ben followed behind it making sure it was closed. You checked the bag making sure your make up was inside. “Thank god.” Y/N sighs. Ben noticed she was still in her silk robe. “Need me to come back for the dress?” -  ”Just, turn around for a minute.”  

As he did, he noticed his cheeks getting warmer. While his mind zoomed out to the idea that she was probably completely naked behind him. Only a few inches away, if he took a step back his back would touch hers.  

“Ok you can turn.” He moved her hair aside to close all the buttons on her back. Starting at her lower back up to her shoulders. His hands shook which made it difficult to close them. When she turned back around, he couldn’t contain gaze.  

Ben saw this beautiful white ball gown, her waist snatched in all the right places, her cleavage slightly shown, just enough for a young man to dream how she would look without the dress on. He had seen her change into a young woman over the year, this was one of the few times he actually looked at her.  

“What do you think?” you asked nervous. “Eh, you look... nice.” He forced a smile. Feeling an idiot. His answer made you unsure of the choice of dress. “I look ridiculous, don’t I?”  He saw the nerves in your eyes. “What? No, no! I’m just not used to you in this... I meant wow, beautiful.” He smiled sincere blushing.  

“I-I I got to go.” Ben said while rushing out behind the curtain. Y/N followed him and held him back by his arm. You kissed his cheek. “Thanks, good luck.” - “You too.” He smiled, when he turned, he saw Jonathan who looked displeased at what he had witnessed. Making Ben grin even more.  

As he wanted to pass him by, he bumped his shoulder to him. “What were you doing in her room?” Jonathan hissed. ”None of your business Johnny boy.” Ben almost sang.  

The moment was there, Ben’s dad held your hand that was lying on top of his. “Ready?” he asked. “As I’ll ever be.” Y/N breathed out. The moment the young girls were introduced on the top of the stairs they could look into to crowed. But most of all they would see their partners lined up down the stairs.  

You immediately notice Jonathan wasn’t in his place. Making you search nervously into the crowed. Ben noticed you were stressed, as he was standing almost last in line. He knew how heartbroken you would have been if his dad had to leave you with all the girl who couldn’t find a partner.  

So, he did what he had promised, making sure you would have a dance. He moved up front right before his dad and you took the last step.  

You had seen him rush to the front seeing him for the first time in a black tuxedo complete with a bowtie and his hair combed back. Compared to the other boys he really could pull this look off. “What are you doing Benjamin?” His father asked, but he didn’t answer, he just smiled at you. “Thank you.” you mouthed, looking grateful. 

Unfortunately, this meant that Stacy had no partner to welcome her down the stairs, which made Ben look extremely bad with the other parents. Making him once again a bad match for the most eligible families.  

The opening dance began, “You do know you blew your changes this year, again.” You said while Ben placed his hand under your shoulders, guiding you over the dance floor. “What do you mean?” - “Every parent knew the couples. You leave the most popular, most desired girl standing alone.”  

“Most desired family to marry into maybe.” He looked over to the ‘loner’ table. “I couldn’t have you sitting there, this dress needs to be seen tonight. You need to be seen.” - “What a compliment, charmer.” you blushed “Did it work?” He asked with a flirty tone, just a little too close to your face. 

Ben couldn’t stop looking at her, he had seen her dress and what it did for her body but know she had done her hair and make-up she was truly transformed into a beautiful young woman. Her lips had a soft reddish look, not tacky like some other girls here, no, a deeper colour than what she already naturally had.  

It reminded him of the colour she had on a winter’s day, when they took a walk in the park. He remembered that day because he couldn’t stop looking at her lips when she kept talking about some school project. He wanted to shut her up by pushing his lips on to hers.  

Her eyes shined under the lights of the room. Again, just using whatever she had and enhanced her natural beauty. Ben couldn’t stop staring, wondering why he never noticed. Or did he?  

The music faded out. The couples were now free to choose another partner in case they wanted to meet someone else. Ben held her hand, fiddling on her glove. “Do you want me to...” He nodded to the girls sitting on the side of the dance floor.  

“May I be selfish and have one more dance?” You asked shy. Not ready to leave his strong arms already. Really liking how easy being with him felt. Besides that, Ben was a really good dancer, compared to what you had seen in practise, he never stood on your toes once. 

After a moment of silence Ben spoke. “Do you like one of these guys?” Your head tilted. “I mean, do you see one of these men being your... husband, one day?” His question took you by surprise. “Eh, not that I know, why?”  

He grinned “Want to get out of here?” You were shocked “Ben we can’t!” - “Oh come on, this is all one big charade. Tell me honestly you like this and we’ll stay.” You try to protest. “You’ve been dancing with me for the past 5 songs. I’m bored, you’re bored. Let’s go.”  

Although Y/N was always the playing by the rules kind of girl she did follow him. He whistled for a taxi, driving you to your old house. “What are we doing here?” You whispered while Ben opened the gate to the garden.  

Your old house had stood empty for a long time, only being sold just last week. “Remember this?” He asked when he stopped in front of the treehouse. “Ladies first.” He held out his hand, helping you up the steps. Leaving your high heels, coat and gloves on the grass.  

You heard a scratching sound, noticing your dress ripped under your arm, all the way down to your hip. Ben struggled to get through the hole in the floor, once he got up the stairs, he saw you looking at the broken dress. “Ha, couldn’t wait for me to get up here to undress did ya.” He joked.  

“This isn’t funny Ben! Do you have any idea how expensive it was? Mom is going to kill me!” He shook his head while turning you to him so he could take a look. He noticed you weren’t wearing anything underneath the corset looking top, showing a lot of skin. “Here.” He took of his jacket throwing it over your shoulders, covering you.  

Ben took the old blanket they hide up there and placed it on the wooden floor underneath the opening in the ceiling. He sat down, tapping the place next to him before he laid back. One arm under his head while his other rested on his stomach.  

Y/N crawled next to him. “I missed this.” you sigh content. Ben looked over to you, watching you looking at the stars above them. “Yeah, me too.” After a long comfortable silence, you turn to him.  

“Ben? Can I ask you something?” - “Sure, anything.” - “Do you feel ready for all of this... courting, dating, marriage... You know life.” He thought about that for a second. “Maybe if I find the right one. But no girl out there at that stupid ball is going to change anything.”  

“How about you, you honestly think one of those guys is going to make you happy?” - “I don’t know... maybe.” - ”Really?!” He lifted himself a little, to take a better look at you. “I mean if someone would give me a chance.” shocked of his reaction.  

“You do realise it is them that should be glad to even get a chance with you right? Not the other way around.” You didn’t understand what he meant. “Those losers don’t deserve you Y/N. All they want is a-a housewife, someone who has no life of her own. Just serving her husband.” - “I know.”  

“Oh come on birdy, that’s not you!  I knew from the second we spoke you were a free spirit, I won’t let any man bind you to a golden cage.” - “That is not up to you Ben! What if I want it like that! Normal.” - “You don’t.” - “How do you know!”  

Ben sat back up facing you, your voices a little louder than whispering, hearing the frustrations growing. “Because I know you. This is your mother talking!” - “Yeah, well,... maybe she is right.” - “Bullshit!” - “Benjamin!” - “No of real Y/N, stop thinking about her, what do you want!”  

Y/N lifted herself on to her elbows looking at him.  

“I want someone to love, someone who likes me. And if that means I need to change, I will.” Ben thought about that for a second. “And what if you don’t have to change?”  

She wanted to protest but he held his hand up. He swiftly looked at her before he looked at his knees, his fingers fiddled with the laces of his shoes.  

“What if, you find someone who thinks you’re an incredible, powerful, beautiful, smart woman. Who deserves the world.” Your heart bounced in your chest, unable to talk or think all you could do was look into Ben’s eyes. Wondering what he meant. “What?” you barely answered.  

Ben’s hand moved to the back of your neck, before you could realise what he did you felt his lips on yours. Hearing your own heartbeat in your ears. Not knowing how to react. It wasn’t until he pulled back you realised you didn’t close your eyes, neither did you kiss him back.  

Your fingers move to your lips, like you could retrace his kiss. You stare in his eyes, seeing the heat he carried with him. His face was still close to yours, his green eyes kept looking back at your open lips. Looking for an answer from you.  

Ben let out a deep breath when your fingers found their way to the back of his head, you wanted to feel him again, his lips felt softer than you thought, never did you dream that your first kiss would be with him, but something felt just right.  

Before realising you laid back against the floor, with Ben hovering over your body. The kiss slowly deepened, the noises, breaths that came out of him made your blood boil. You knew he had more ‘experience’ all though you never talked about it into every detail.  

But for some reason your body knew how to react to his touch, one knee moved, so his body pulled in closer, feeling the warmth of him radiate on your skin. 

When Ben’s lips moved to your neck, you arch your back. His hand moved over your ribs, feeling his fingertips slipping under his jacket that you still wore. Touching the skin that was shown through the rip in your dress.  

Even that soft touch made you moan under your breath. Pulling him closer to you, your hands roamed over his broad shoulders, wanting, no needing to feel his body closer to you. His lips moved back to your lips, his tongue asking for permission to find yours.   

Ben’s hand moved slowly down, caressing over your thigh to your knee, pulling the dress up so his hand disappeared underneath. Kneading your thigh just above the knee before moving up to your hip, kneading again.  

But just when you realised this might be the moment, Ben pulled his hand back and placed his forehead against yours. Humming a deep breath. “What’s wrong?” Please don’t say you regret this. “Why are you... stopping?”  

Ben opened his eyes, smiling. “You have no idea how long I wanted to do this.” he kissed your head. “Then why stop?” You asked biting your lip, feeling a little bold. “Everything has it’s time, Birdy.” Knowing he meant he knew you were inexperienced. ” I’m ready.” you mumbled against his lips before luring him down into another breath-taking kiss.  

“Let’s just... enjoy this for a second ok.” you nodded in response. “I want your first time to be special, perfect.” he looked around “not in a treehouse on a wooden floor.” your hand moved through his hair before cubbing his cheek. He took your hand and kissed your wrist a couple of times before taking his place next to you again.  

Pulling you into a hug, your head against his shirt.  

-- 

Both you and Ben woke up by the sound of voices. Both of you had moved during the night. Ben still held you in his arms only his face snuggled against your neck. One arm under your head and neck holding his other hand that hung over your side, connecting in front of your breast.  

“Ah mister Benjamin, good morning boy. I see you have company.” Both of you looked at the hole in the floor. Seeing a police officer’s head pop up. “Please come down here, now.” He said firm. While you both climbed down you hear him talk to the new owners of the house.  

“Just two teenagers ma-am, nothing to worry about, we’ll make sure they get home and have the proper punishment.” While you both sat in the police car on your way home, the policeman turned to Ben.  

“You’re lucky the young lady is with you boy, next time I catch you breaking in somewhere I'm locking you up. Seeing how proud daddy is of you he wouldn’t mind.” He turned to his colleague in the car. “I lost count how many times I had to bring this juvenile home. "  

-- 

Once home your parents took you to separate rooms. Ben’s father lost his temper again. “Are you out of your mind boy! Do you realise what you did to her?  The consequences? I had to move heaven and earth to convince Jonathan’s father to take her to that dance!  

“Then where was he? He would have made her look like a fool.” - “No boy! YOU DID! You’re family!” “Like hell we are!” Ben’s father lifted his hand, making Ben quiet, knowing he might get a beating. “And like that wasn’t bad enough, you ran off and take advantage of her.” he continued.  

Ben’s eyes widened, “I-I didn’t!’ His father hands pinched his cheeks, “So you’re a faggot know?” making him turn his face toward the mirror, seeing a soft lipstick stain on his lips. “Is that it, Benjamin? You like to dress up as a woman?”  

If looks could kill.  

“Let’s not start on the fact that her dress is ripped apart, like a goddamn animal touched her! I knew I had to keep an eye on you, but you, you are a disgrace to this family! You not only ruined your chance at finding a proper wife, you ruined hers on finding a man!”  

“Stop pretending you care about her, or me!” He matched his tone, "Don’t talk to me like that boy! You are a shame to this family, to our name!” 

-- 

You are a shame to this family, to our name! you heard his father yell.  while your mother played the ‘I was so worried’ card. You sat silent in front of the mirror, while she let your hair down and brushed it. “Y/N, you need to tell us what he did.”  

You didn’t answer, “Even if it makes you uncomfortable, we need to know, so we know how to punish Ben for doing so.” You didn’t answer, you just looked down at your hands. “Don’t worry honey, his father will find a way to get rid of him” 

This made you look at her in the mirror. “I swear mother, he didn’t do anything.” -”Oh honey, you said that before, and I trusted you, but I clearly can’t trust you or that boy anymore!” 

“No, I swear! He just saved me from the ball!” - “I’m sure that is what he wanted to make you believe. He saved you. Like he had saved countless, other, young woman in this town.” Her hands landed on your shoulder.  

“He is a Casanova darling, we had complaints over the last few years of parents whose girls were tricked by him. Madly in love but he let them down. Just like he is playing you now.” 

“No.” Your voice sounded weak, teary. “He is nothing like that mother, not to me.” You could see the pity in her eyes. “That boy turned for the worse I knew he liked girls, but i never thought him taking it this far."

"When his mother died, I had hoped to pick up her role but it’s clearly impossible.”  

“He won’t change. And I won’t let him change you, you are a perfect daughter. And you will marry into a perfect family. I’ll make sure of it!” 

-- 

That night was the last night both you and Ben had with the family. Your mother had demanded that you would join boarding school instead of Ben, to prepare you for the life to come. Asking the principal, you could stay over on the weekends and vacations.   

A class no matter how old you were, you had to take the course for 4 years. To rehabilitate.  Ben had to work with the lower working class. Earning his father’s thrust back. Knowing very well he would never redeem Ben.  

-- 

End of part one. In the next part Ben and Y/N meet again, her coming home was not how he expected.  

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[redfountainpostin]

Okay so with Riven I usually stick with him being an abandoned orphan who basically has no family; and for narrative purposes he never ends up meeting any of them in later life either. However, my headcanon is that he does remember his mom, and he's a spitting image of her, in both looks and personality. Literally, guy got nothing from his dad, you'd think his mom had a sinless pregnancy. Also, I think he had a sister as well, but she died young, ala Hereditary style. Basically, their mom was driving them somewhere, she wasn't very good at keeping her kids fed so she gave them each a candy bar, Riven gave his to his sister, but his had peanuts, kid started choking because she was allergic, stuck her head out and iykyk. Mother abandoned Riven then too, just pulled the car to a stop and walked out. Riven waited for her for a few days there before leaving. He was about 4 or 5 then, I think. I think it was MANY years later that Riven actually realizes why his sister started choking that night, but I actually don't think he blames himself. He's well versed in hating on his mom and for all the other stuff that he blames himself for, earned and not earned, this he knows he's not at fault, he was just a kid giving his cancybar to his sister even though he was jsut as hungry. He honestly disassociates for most of his childhood and there are gaps in his memory, months at a time to a full year that he flat out doesn't remember. Darcy knows, however, because she read his mind like a diary and those memories aren't lost, his mind just blocked them out for self preservation. HOWEVER, if he ever met his mom again, she'd be married and have had another child, also a girl, just a few years younger than Riven- kid is probably going to her first year of Cloud Tower when Riven is a senior in Red Fountain. And honestly, I don't think Riven would want anything to do with her, and he'd be FURIOUS at his mother for having another kid, another girl, after killing his sister (that's how he sees it).

[snaileer]

PhantomVision

Please go read the rewritten better version here please

When Bruce woke up, his mind was filled with fog. Why? What happened to-

His wife turned in her sleep next to him, and he smiled down at her. Her red hair fell around her shoulders.. red? Bruce blinked again. Diana’s hair was black, dark ebony, not- oh, he sees, of course, her hair was just a dark, dark red, of course, how could he miss it.

He gently leaned down and kissed her temple, watching as her eyes snapped open, then blinked slowly as tenseness faded.

“It’s morning time, Diana, time to get up. We have a big day today!”

Diana smiled as she sat up, pausing to briefly rub at her forehead with scrunched eyebrows, “Of course, dear.. I’m just, I think I had an odd dream..?” Diana looked slowly around the room, confusion lacing her features, “Bruce, where..why is today a big day..?”

Bruce paused, “I… don’t kno-“

Their bedroom door slammed open, “Mom! Dad! Get up! I don’t want to be late my first day of school!”

In the doorframe stands a young boy, 14 or 15 maybe, with dark black hair and bright blue eyes.

Barbara comes up behind him, stark red hair contrasting with the teal headband pushing it back, “Come on Danny, we still have an hour, we’re not going to be late, we still have to have breakfast.”

Bruce smiles, “Don’t worry Danny, your pops can cook up breakfast fast enough to get us there on time!” He practically jumps out of bed, sweeping Danny into a hug as he goes past.

The cloudiness of his mind is easy to forget as he starts on scrambled eggs for the family. He drops the first two eggs with shells in the pan with a wince, this is why Alfred never-. Who was-?

“Here Bruce, let me take over,” Diana slides in beside him with an indulgent smile as she empties the pan and starts again.

“Thanks Di, you know I was never much good at cooking,” he leans down to kiss her.

She turns to briefly return it before grabbing a spatula, “Well, I didn’t marry you for the food, Bruce.” She smiles.

“Ughhhh! Gross parent germs!” Danny groans from the table, already eating a piece of toast.

Babs walks by with a smile, ruffling her brother’s hair, “They’re just like that Danny, you know you’ll have to get used to it right?”

“Never!” He says, but there’s a smile on his face.

They all laugh at that as Diana takes the plates and puts them in the sink.

“If you don’t want to be late we better get in the car soon Danny,” Bruce says, checking his watch even though he doesn’t remember getting dressed with it this morning.

“Dang it!” Danny shouts, grabbing his backpack and running towards the door. Babs walks calmly behind him, both already in the car when he gets there.

Bruce listens to the family chatter of his kids as they drive, only to pause at a stoplight when it falls deadly silent.

He glances back, surprised to see Danny staring out the window with a glazed, hurting look.

Bruce follows his eyes to a closed burger restaurant on the other side of the street. Yellow tape is placed across the darkened storefront.

“What’s that place Danny?” He asks, curious as to why the boy is reacting so strongly.

Danny stiffly turns forward, “It’s nothing, Dad, just go. It’s just a closed restaurant, we don’t go there anymore.”

Something scratches Bruce’s mind, “Why not, Danno?”

Danny slams his hands down on the seat, “We just DON’T, OKAY!”

A horn honks behind him, the light green and Bruce presses the gas forward.

“Have a good day at school!” Bruce says, waving at them from the car window as they get out.

Danny waves back at him, shyly embarrassed by his dad’s display, but accepting of it anyways.

His mind blurs, thick as molasses- B! Where!- gray fog that smothers his que-

Bruce watches his kids come back down the steps as school ends, surrounded by a flood of other teens.

He gets out to stand and greet them, a smile on his face as their teacher introduces himself.

“Hi there, I’m Mr.Lancer, and you must be young Daniel’s father… Jack?” The man asks, grey hair pulled back in a ponytail.

Bruce scrunches his brows, “I’m Bruce,” he shakes the extended hand firmly, “Pleasure to meet you.”

The man’s smile brightens, sharpening at the edges in a way that makes Bruce’s head tilt, “Of course, of course! It’s a pleasure to have Danny in my class, I just have so much to teach him,” The man smirks.

“Come onnn, Dad, let’s go!”

Bruce turns around, still waving to the teacher as he gets in the car. The eyes stay on them through the rear view mirror as they drive away.

Bruce pries his eyes away from the schoolfront, glancing at his son.

“How was school, Danny?”

“Fine, I mean Dash is still here but at least he’s in different classes this year.”

“And how about you, Princess?” He says, looking at Babs.

Babs looks up at him through the mirror, a hint of tightness on her lips, “I’m… fine. My legs have been hurting all day though. I can’t figure out why.”

“I’m sure it’s no big deal. Let’s go inside.” Danny says, getting out of the car. They’re already home, though Bruce is sure it should have taken longer. The thought is lost to thick cotton in his mind.

Babs is able to get out of the car on her own, following them up to the entrance. Why does that seem odd?

Diana greets them as they come in, giving them each a hug. Bruce notices a shine around her wrists.

“What’s that, Dee, new jewelry?”

Diana looks down at the thick golden bracelets with a lift of her eyebrows, “Oh.. I was.. cleaning out the basement today… we just have so much stuff down there. I found them in a box… I think.. I think they’re from my mother.” Diana runs a gentle finger along the smooth metal surface, face soft with nostalgia.

When Bruce looks up, he sees Danny standing in the kitchen, eyes glued to the basement door with an empty stare.

“Our basement? … isn’t it…”

The doorbell rings, making Danny look over, trance lost.

When Diana opens the door, Tim and Steph are standing there. Bruce stares at them for a second, unblinking.

“Danny, your friends are here!” Diana yells, making the boy come rushing back down the stairs.

“Hi, Steph, hey Tim, ready to play DOOM?” He says with a smile.

“Of course, Danny!” Tim exclaims, pulling out a slim modified PDA, “I just downloaded the new mods, it’s gonna be sick! Maybe we’ll finally beat Steph!”

Steph playfully kicks at him with a combat boot, “As if, loser! You know I win every time.”

Bruce watches them go upstairs, both barely sparing a look at him as they follow Danny.

Why does he feel like the floor is dropping out from under him? Why do his thoughts keep getting swallowed by this… this.. fog?

Why is he…?

What’s happening?

[pleasantglitterflower]

Legends will never die (JOE BURROW x COBAIN! READER)

TW: mentions of death, suicide, drugs

I was at Joe's parents' house for lunch to celebrate the birthday of Dan, one of my boyfriend's older brothers. It's been great to be here, I love his family, they've always welcomed me very well, but this happy family moment awakens strong triggers in me and a desire to experience something I didn't have. Seeing Joe talking so animatedly with his father, his brothers and his grandfather, at a certain point my father-in-law hugs him from the side, my eyes instantly water. 

   I quickly excuse myself from the environment I was in, talking to my mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law, and go to the bathroom, where I quickly start crying. Why didn't I have a structured family? Why isn't my father here with me? Why do these shitty drugs and depression exist in this shitty world and affect good people?

  I didn't even see time pass when I heard loud knocks on the door. 

- Baby, open the door - Joe shouts from the other side

I come back to reality and open the door. As soon as Joe sees my swollen eyes, he runs over and hugs me.

- What happened my love? Since the journey you've been quieter and more thoughtful, I didn't say anything before because I knew you'd make up some excuse, but I know you're not well

- Joe, it's not for nothing, you know that I love your family and how you have a great connection, especially with your father, and when I saw you two hugging in the backyard, it was inevitable not to think about my father - I look down embarrassed 

- Hey, look at me - he lifts my chin - You don't need to fake your feelings my dear, I know how difficult it is for you to talk about him, especially since this year it will be 30 years since he died, but know that he is very proud of you wherever he is and that, although his life here on Earth was short, his legacy is eternal.

- It's been very difficult Joe, very difficult indeed. People are putting a lot of expectations on my performance at the tribute, I don't know if I'll want to participate.

- Baby, everything will be fine, you'll do well, I see how much you've dedicated yourself to making a perfect presentation, don't worry - Joe kisses me on the forehead and hugs me tightly

     - Joe, I don't know what I would do without you, I love you so much

- I love you the most Janis - then we kissed.

     In a week's time, the tribute show to my father will take place, in celebration of his 30 years of legacy in music. 30 years ago, Kurt Donald Cobain, my father, left this world grayer, with a legion of fans all over the world in mourning and despair, and an entire family torn apart. I was born on October 27, 1993, six months before his death, and the height of his period of self-destruction due to drugs and depression. Dad fought his demons for years, it wasn't just during that period, and the sudden fame only made these inner demons increasingly present in his life.

  Me and Frances, my older sister, were very exposed to all the scandals caused by our parents, even at our young age, when mom said in an interview that she used heroin when she was pregnant with Frances, she and dad ended up losing custody. However, they managed to recover after promising to undergo rehabilitation. Mom managed to kick her heroin addiction, but unfortunately dad couldn't. When Mom found out she was pregnant with me, Dad was apparently determined to change and be a responsible father to Frances and me, but inside, his demons were screaming more and more, and throughout 1993, Dad tried to commit suicide several times, in addition to intense heroin abuse, until on April 5, 1994, he reached his limit, he could no longer bear to live with that internal anguish that had affected him since he was a teenager.

Even with all the fame, recognition, money and the millions of fans he gained all over the world, Dad couldn't be happy, even though he married the woman he loved and became the father of two daughters that he loved so much, Dad couldn't. he could exorcise his pain within himself, he could no longer stand living in a world in which he could not fit in, a selfish world, full of falsehoods is very cruel. Every year that passes, when I always pick up the farewell letter he wrote, it chills my soul, his anguish was visible in his writing.

  “I had a lot, a lot, and I'm grateful for that, but since I was seven years old I started to hate all humans in general. Just because it seems so easy to relate and empathize. Just because I love and feel for everyone so much, I guess. Thank you from the bottom of my sick, burning stomach for your letters and your concern over the years. I really am an erratic and sad baby! I no longer have passion, so remember, it's better to burn out than to slowly fade away¹. Peace, Love, Empathy.

Kurt Cobain

Frances, Janis and Courtney, I will be at your altar. Please go ahead, Courtney, for Frances and Janis. For their lives, they will be much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU”

It was very difficult for me to accept that my father took his life on his own and that he preferred not to live any longer to be present for me and Frances, but as the years went by and listening to the stories from my mother, Dave, my godfather, , and other people who lived with Dad, I came to the conclusion that he had already given up on life a long time ago and tried to cut it short several times, but it was on that April 5, 1994 that his limit ended, and then he gave a shoots himself with a shotgun. If it hadn't been on that date, it would have been the next day, the following week, my father couldn't bear to live any longer.

   Dave has always been like a father figure to me, he was always by my side for everything I needed and was one of my main encouragers to pursue a career in music, because according to him, I had the same genius to express as my father. feelings in the form of songs. During my adolescence I composed several songs and recorded some demos, but only my family knew about it. I never thought about pursuing a singing career, I wrote according to my imagination and as a hobby, I always wanted to pass on my knowledge to other people, so I studied music in New York, and started teaching music to children in public schools, until I was transferred to a school in Cincinnatti, which is where I met Joe. My class went to do a musical performance at an event for his foundation, and he came to congratulate me on my work, I was super flattered and we became friends, and it didn't take long for us to admit our feelings and he asked me to be his girlfriend in a beautiful sunset  in California.

Joe was always very loving and affectionate with me, and always helped me in moments of vulnerability when I cried in his lap when talking about my father. I've always admired his relationship with his father, how football is a factor that keeps their connection very strong, and I wondered what it would be like for my dad and me talking about music, what he would think of today's music scene, if he Would you be proud of me? 

    When Dave said that my participation would be very important in the tribute to my father, Joe was also one of my main supporters, for him I needed to face my negative feelings and show the world my musical talent, which according to Joe is undeniable that my talent It's genetic. After thinking very calmly, I decided to accept the idea and began to rehearse exhaustively, as Dad deserved perfection.

April 5, 2024- Kurt Cobain Tribute, Seattle 

The big day arrived, if I said I slept calmly I'd be lying, I couldn't stop being nervous for a minute. As the stadium got closer, I felt my stomach drop, while Joe was next to me holding my hand. When we saw it, there were millions and millions of people with Nirvana shirts, with shirts with my father's face, with posters with loving words for him, there were children, teenagers, adults, elderly people, Seattle became small. It's incredible how even 30 years after his death, Kurt Cobain still had a loyal legion of fans, and over the years he gained new fans, many who weren't born at the time of Nirvana's heyday and who had Kurt as an inspiration.

  The tribute line-up was the envy of any other festival, as it had Pearl Jam, Metallica, Guns n Roses, Iron Maiden, Green Day, and the main attraction, Nirvana himself, but this time it would be Janis who would represent Kurt in the vocals. Janis rehearsed nonstop with Dave and Krist, it would be the first time at a festival that Nirvana would make an official performance again since Kurt's death, but this time with Janis paying tribute to her father. Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic always play the songs of the band that made them famous when they get together, but only at intimate shows, so the performance at the tribute would be the band's official return.

Nirvana would headline the event, and it was the most anticipated performance, as Kurt Cobain's daughter would be singing with the remaining members of the band and paying tribute to Kurt.

  The performance was about to start, and Janis was breathing very deeply in her dressing room, until she heard a knock on the door. 

   -Come on

The door opens, revealing the figures of Joe, Courtney and Frances.

  - My love how are you? - Joe questions

- Too nervous, what if I get out of tune? What if I lose my voice? I don't want to disappoint the fans, but especially I don't want to disappoint Dad, no- Courtney interrupts her youngest daughter

- Janis, you will be perfect my daughter, your father is already very proud of you, wherever he is, at this moment he is very happy with the woman you have become - the eldest speaks with her voice choked with emotion

- That's right sister, everyone knows your potential and how hard you work to keep our father's legacy alive to this day, you're going to get on that stage and show those bastards who's boss - Frances shouts excitedly, making the presents laugh 

- My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are absolutely right, you're going to rock my dear - Joe gives me a quick peck

One of the producers enters the dressing room and announces that it is time to go on stage. The tribute to Kurt Cobain is being broadcast online, YouTube went down at certain times due to the large number of hits, and at the time of Janis' performance with Nirvana, 1.5 billion and a half people were online and waiting of the show.

     The band was announced and first came Krist, Dave, and then Janis Cobain, sending the audience into a frenzy. She looked at all the people present in that stadium, quickly looked at the VIP box that had Joe, Courtney, Frances, her in-laws and her brothers-in-law with their wives. Joe was smiling brightly at her full of pride.

  - Good evening - the audience shouts - We are here to celebrate the 30 years of legacy of our dear Kurt Cobain, known as my dear father. Daddy, wherever you are, know that you continue to be very loved and that I'm very proud to be your daughter- I say looking at the sky excitedly- and today I'm going to do my best to give you a great show, LET'S GO MOTHERFUCKERS- I yelled 

The show was perfect, Dave and Krist gave me a lot of support and security, and I felt more and more free. I didn't stop feeling emotional during the most emotional songs, but the important thing is that I had managed to honor my father in the way he deserves. After the show, Joe came running over to hug me.

- I knew you would put on an amazing show love, I'm so happy for you

- Joe, if it weren't for you, maybe I wouldn't be here now, thank you so much for always being with me my love, I love you - I kiss him

And in the depths of the sky, Kurt Donald Cobain smiles, very happy for the happiness of his beloved daughter and very satisfied with the honor, he knew that his daughter was very talented, it was no wonder that she is a Cobain.

[sciencebecameouraddiction]

my own alastor headcanons…

warnings: discussion and mention of abuse, hell, killing, racism

note: i am also getting through my asks. i promise. ☺️

second note: these are just my own head canons. things i’ve noticed, how i write alastor, what plays into why i write al the way i do… etc. purely my own opinion.

- you know the whole thing hurt people, hurt people… at the core that’s who alastor is.

- he was a mommas boy and loved his mom so much

- his father was abusive, physically, mentally and emotionally

- his father would hit his mother and alastor

- many people turned a blind eye, this taught alastor to never trust anyone and that it’s just you for yourself at a very young age

- finally, alastor was tired of seeing his mother upset and hurt so while his father was asleep he killed him. alastor was 13-15 at the time.

- i believe that alastor’s mom is in heaven

- i also believe that she helped alastor hide the body of his father. in the same bayou that alastor used when he buried his victims

- his mom never knew there was anyone else alastor killed after his father.

- after killing his dad, he started down a slippery slope. he liked the power he felt when he had control over someone’s life or death. it was all in his hands

- but alastor has been said to have a unique moral code

- so i think he would kill any adult, but it was those that were distasteful

- the fathers who were abusive, the men who preyed upon women, the women who tore families apart just because, the mothers who were abusive

- he’s the equal opportunity killer and if you’re a shitty person you were on his radar.

- he got into voodoo to help his mom

- his mom got sick, nothing could cure her, he felt helpless, weak, so he turned to something that could help when praying didn’t. voodoo didn’t help either, but it was already too late… you know what they say about power corrupting you and when you make a deal… they stick

- ladies man, little fucking flirt, charming, suave, disarming. you’d want to take him to meet your momma

- he never married in his human life, chalked up to never finding the right girl.

- no one met his momma when he was alive. like girls just weren’t brought, people just weren’t brought to meet his momma. if you met her through alastor, you were very very special to him

- never happened though!

- he had the most gorgeous southern accent when he was a young man before getting into radio.

- he was told to loose it after the first broadcast. so he adopted the transatlantic accent we hear, to be more palatable to white listeners in the south. i mean, he was given an opportunity of a life time “especially for someone like him.”

- he went to church every sunday with his mom until she died. he’s very very knowledgeable about the bible

- just intelligent over all. likes reading, very meticulous, detail oriented, sharp and quick witted.

- he is deep deep deep down insecure. buried under years of acting like he’s the shit; pretending he’s amazing and the self assured confidence needed to be the radio host he was. this only became buried deeper when he went to hell.

- having someone who is supposed to protect you tear you down when you’re a kid does shit to you. (his dad)

[spotaus]

Timeless AU Sans and Asriel! 🫡

I was going to color them but I'm mildly afraid my roommate will come back and I am not about to try and explain... this. So, temporarily take these sketches!

With a bonus full-family wip! (I need to make Gaster smaller/thinner but y'know--)

In this au, Gaster isn't killed in the core accident, and so he's present for the major tragedies that would normally follow his death. And subsequently is able to fix some of the problems! One being Asriel's death and transformation into Flowey.

Gaster, who was working on making a monster from almost scratch (his soul was too weak to form another soul but he wanted a kid and yadda yadda), successfully created Sans. After a bit of studying Sans' growth, Gaster was practically able to revive Asriel. Asriel is older than Sans by a few years as his 'death' made him miss a few.

And during this process, Gaster also managed to rizz up Asgore by complete accident. They'd always been close, even before the war, but Asgore was to be king, and he was already betroathed to Tori at birth, so Gaster was content being by Asgore's side as a friend. Buttttttt Toriel leaving for the ruins in her grief left the door wide-open for Asgore to finally make a move on Gaster. They never officially marry, but literally everyone outside the ruins is aware that the two are together.

Asriel remembers very little of his death, but he remembers Chara, and he remembers the surface. Asgore and Gaster don't hide the fact that Asriel died from him, and one day Azzy got up the courage to ask Gaster if he could bring back Chara too. Gaster hadn't even thought about it, but he figured that without Chara's body he wouldn't be able to revive them in any meaningful way. Azzy doesn't give up hope, but he doesn't bother Gaster about it anymore.

Azzy is a gentle soul, shy and playful. He's not used to being an older sibling, and he misses his mom, but he likes his new family too. He often trips and falls, resulting in the bandaid scattered on his body, and he loves to farm just like Asgore, so he usually wears overalls.

Sans is Gaster's oldest son by magic-line. He's punny, a prankster, and the more confident between himself and Asriel. If they're out of their element, Sans is the one to forge through the path and laugh while doing it! Gaster can't get him to wear shoes ("You and Dad and Azzy don't, so why should I?" Is usually his rebuttle. No one can really argue it.) So he's usually seen only wearing socks.

Papyrus (who is only a few scribbles in Gaster's arms rn) is the youngest and doesn't really get the same chances as Sans and Azzy do as older kids, but he'll grow to be the most rambunctious of all of them. I think Papy is self-conscious when he's young (what if he's not good enough? Sans is so good at science stuff like Papa, and Asriel is a great prince like Dad, so where does that leave him?) But he ends up training in combat with Asriel before meeting Undyne and deciding he wants to be part of the royal guard! (That way he can protect his 1 hp brother and his Princely brother!) Undyne and him are quick friends.

Actually, since I'm on a role: Asriel keeps studying and learning from his dad on how to be a prince. Honestly, he likes what Sans and his Pops are up to a lot more, but he doesn't mind being Future King. (He sneaks into the lab to watch the two do their studies whenever he can.) Meanwhile Sans works with Gaster in the labs! He's a fast learner and loves the work, but everyone can see just how much more natural he is with social science. He understands the political theory Asriel tells him and Sans can dissect exactly wtf it means and why Asriel has to react the way he does. Sans still ends up being the Judge, but largely keeps his focuses to the Lab with his pops abd Alphys. And Papy is certainly Great. He ends up as co-captain of the Royal Guard. He's not quite as personable as Undyne, but he sure is committed, and has direct ties to the royal family. More often than not, when he's not doing his rounds or helping with training, he's Azzy's personal guard.

And yes, this does mean incoming 20-ish Asriel, 19-ish Sans, and 17-ish Paps designs are incoming eventually! Asgore and Gaster get to see their sons grow up!!!