#my conspiracy theory is that the dice exists because they wanted to make it through all the talking breaks without the clueless people that

[ghost-of-you]

5sos: puts HBG on the dice

5sos: has to play HBG

5sos: surprised pikachu face

No because those men took a glorified beach ball the size of Luke, slapped a song they actively hate and they think we like because of the chanting (hbg), 2 songs a lot of people talk about in social media and we do actively like (wayf and iydk), a song they never played before that is somewhat popular on 5sostok for conspiracy theories about who it is about (ela) and 2 songs I have no idea how even ended up on the mix (voodoo doll and heartache) and decided that literally throwing that in the audience would be a great idea. A tour doesn't need a surprise song, they made a conscious decision of making the dice, then they pick the songs on said dice and go all when it lands on half of them.

Like dudes what the hell did you think was gonna happen? That you could cheat your way into not playing it the whole tour? If you don't want to play the song don't make it an option, is not like y'all are not pretending half your discography doesn't exist, put hbg in that box and tell the people chanting for it to get over themselves. It's your show, you make the rules. If you hate a song don't fucking make it an option.

[renwyvernsims]

Sooo... I've been playing some more Sims on my own for a bit, and had a silly idea like "Oh, what if I made some of the members from Evo and have them play through the Strangerville story, wouldn't that be funny?" But from there I started to actually make a storyline and a plot and what was meant to just be a little thing for me has gotten a bit out of hand... So I'm gonna be posting it here I guess.

Recent Posts / Chronological Posts

Extra notes about the story below:

So if you're following this blog for Sims reasons and don't know what Evo is, it's an old Minecraft server that had a storyline featuring time travel, entities called Watchers that messed with the members, and more. Admittedly, I'm still watching Grian's pov of Evo, but I've picked up quite a bit from fans, and from Martyn's Life Series lore streams, and it seemed like it would be fun to find a way to integrate it into the Strangerville storyline- which somehow I've never actually played through but I've been wanting to for a long while now.

Because I'm less familiar with Evo, but I'm more familiar with the Life Series and it's members, I decided to use the Evo members who are part of the Life Series, with references to other servers they are on (ie. Jimmy and Lizzie are siblings and merfolk, Scar and Mumbo both exist in the save with mumbo being an old friend of Grian's, etc). Some of the other changes I've made are purely fanon, such as Grian and Pearl being twins.

And with this being the Sims, there's certain things that I'm tweaking and changing, or otherwise have decided I'm just gonna have to accept. One of these being that I wanted to have the watchers involved, but didn't know how- for Grian's sake, though, I wanted them to have both a human and nonhuman form, so now they're aliens. I also thought it'd be funny to have Scar be the Curio Shop owner (desert guy scamming people with with outlandish conspiracy theories). Except that it kinda made him very glitchy, so I have to manually summon him if I ever want to talk to him, and he's not even running the curio shop anymore. And then there's some stuff I just decided to roll the dice on to decide whether to allow to happen or not.

(Of course, even with me trying to make a cohesive storyline, Sims will do whatever the heck they want when my back is turned, and apparently everyone is in love with Grian. I've lost count of how many suggestive looks have been thrown his way, and how many times he's been propositioned by other sims, once I left the household for five minutes to fix Lizzie's mermaid form and came back to find a watcher had moved in and was dating him, please I just wanna make a story here, I'm not looking for woohoo at this time!)

[zombiegurlmode]

Camren is a dead ship. Get over it bish.

I thought about whether i truly wanted to write this or not. Then again, i thought to myself, this is my vent area i will write whatever the hell i want. You no likey you getaway from me. Simple fact of life right?

So a little background story before we dice the meat and butcher it into pieces. Sony is one of those companies that i hate to love and love to hate. It all started with their almighty creation the PlayStation. Such a phenomal brand that it paved the way for the revolutionizing the gaming industry we know of today. And then lo and behold sony is also famed for killing off its own brands by their lousy marketing efforts or failed attempts. Exhibits A to C: sony vaio, sony erickson, PS Vita (probably one of their greatest massacre of all time). So when i learned that 5H were actually part of the Sony umbrella corporation, (ooo this is a reference. Hint: refer to my handle) all i could think about is who’s the next victim. Well we got our casualty right?

Anyway, next stop on our background story is i’ve heard of 5H way before i’ve learned of camren. I mean i couldn’t even be bothered whoever the hell are the members of 5H were. All i know is that i really liked their song work from home and then I listened to their other songs and appreciated some of their other songs while others not so much. Personally, i just thought of 5H before as another run of the mill generic knock off version of Spice Girls. Funnily enough, they did their own version of Spice Girls. Then i came across never be the same and instanly liked it. I never even knew that she was a former 5H member. Honestly, i still couldn’t be bothered at that time.

Fast track a few months or a year, i had a major setback with my sexuality. I encountered a colleague of mine whom i have developed strong affections for. This totally knocked me off my orbit and bothered me since A) she’s married and B) i’m in denial. I mean at the back of my head i already knew since i was young. I was just suppressing it. No need to go into details since most of us are on the same boat on this. You know the usual ploy of disasterrific coming out agenda and the whole enchalada. So to eleviate some of my concerns, i even ended up consulting professional help from a friend of mine who is practicing professionally. I learned from her that there are even conversion camps to somehow “change us back to normal”. Creepy if you ask and i’m even downplaying it. Anyway, i saw in a facebook post one of my friends attending a pride march here in the Philippines. So i gathered my courage and spoke to her and ended up coming out to her.

Fast track again, she introduced me to camren and the rest is history. I was hooked, lined, and sunk with this dead ship. And i haven’t been the same ever since. I read Bashuda’s post here (hope i got your name right). An open letter to lauren jauregui. And all she’ve said, i’m willling to bet most camren shippers underwent too. We are all looking for that special kind of love that knocks us out of our orbit, takes our breath away, and drives us crazy up the wall. The all consuming type of love that you know is worth every damn fight you’ll have to go through. And somehow, we shippers see that in camren and gives us the hope and courage that the love we all seek do truly exists in this otherwise selfish, relentless, and brutal world we all live in.

So now unto to the main agenda, Lauren’s live or podcast or whatever we call it now with becky g. All i got is that she doesn’t like being called daddy. I concede defeat you shippers arguing in wattpad can now be laid to rest. It’s now finally settled straight from the horse’s mouth. We now can definitely without a doubt say who tops. Hahahaha. Ok, just kidding. I just couldn’t resist. I mean she had it coming. I’m just feeding my crazy self. Although, you know she did say daddy’s get your sh*t *wink wonk*. You know I wouldn’t mind being called a daddy hahahaha. Again couldn’t resist. At this point, i’m just twisting her words and being playful.

Since i can’t control myself from taking shots at her words, let’s continue on with my tomfoolery. Lauren again gave us another proof. This time she proved herself again that she is in fact a living breathing meme. And this meme came into my mind:

Literally no one: ....

Lauren: you know camren is not real blah blah blah

Cs: who even ask about camren? It’s a dead ship. You said it yourself it’s not real. Get over it bish. (Honestly lauren. Joke’s on you bud)

Ok, ok, all kidding and lousy jokes aside. What i truly can take away from all her passionate speech is this LJ1 IS COMING!!!!!!

I mean denying camren again? Real shocker. News flash to me. Really i swear i almost had a gay panic in the office no less. Honestly lauren it’s 2020 and covid is out here doing it’s thing and your back reliving a dead ship no less and retelling yet again the same things you’ve said before. Oh don’t get me wrong tho. I am not downplaying in any way what you have to go through. I mean come on for crying out loud my front is still in the closet quaking like a damn moron. Look what i truly do not appreciate is why is it about the cs again huh? Come on, it’s not like we tag you in all your accounts to chant our undying faithfulness to our ship that has been turned officially into submarine. Where our beloved captain may or may not be in hiding in plain sight or maybe our delusional minds are conjuring these thoughts. Neither do we publicly declare our posts or force anyone to believe in our conspiracy theory. We have a very dedicated community much like a dedicated server where we gather like cults and study our fine specimens... sorry i meant closely observe and adore our ship. We have a special place where we can commune and comment and make fun of our created fanfics out of the very fine figments of the numerous authors’ machinations. And yet here we are people trespassing on our free space and demanding to cease and desist this atrocious camren lunacy wherein you couldn’t just possibly stumble upon camren accidentally unless you were intending to. Because as i’ve mentioned before i’ve heard of 5H and camila cabello way before i encountered the anomaly of camren. I even searched about 5H because of camila cabello’s involvement in the group. And not in one of those searches did it yield to camren. Not until i was introduced to it by a friend. And now i am clearly a camren fiend.

Anywho, quite obvious to me that the marketing for LJ1 has begun and we are now all entering the hook phase by drawing in attention by creating new drama or reliving or reenvisioning past established conflicts to fit into the narrative. Well i’m excited for its official release and that’s all i have left to say now. Have a pleasant day everyone. The madness had finally ended here.

[glasyasbutch]

8, 14, 25, 27, 37! d10 option, but do 2 per question if you wanna answer w all your characters!

finally i have time on my laptop to type this out ........ thank you morgan for my life ................ (i had to roll this d10 so many times cause it refused to pick anything but 5, and while i have a lot of thoughts about gildy, other characters need love) 8.  If they were given 1000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would they do with it? Gildy: obvious answer here is build her own forge from the ground up. like hello. how sexy of her to do this. but like, she misses the bustle of being around people all the time so it’d be open to the public for demos/lessons. are teaching forges a thing? they are in my world and she runs it and its full of tiny little dwarven babies who probably shouldn’t be allowed access to burning hot metal but like she’s a cleric so its fiiiiiiine Ezra: this is a toughie for him but the dice are forcing me to think. My first thought for him would honestly be give it away to some farmers or something, since he’s never really been the kind of guy to have personal possessions or things entirely his own. like. he grew up in a temple and then spent the next large chunk of his life doing 24/7 hospice care for someone, he’s never owned a house, or had things just for him. his whole life has been about community and sharing, he’d feel bad using it for any of his own desires. 

however, for the sake of the question, if he has to take it and do something with it himself. big fat library. (where will he get the books from? don’t worry about it.) he only has 8 int but he thoroughly understands the value of knowledge, and you know, little selfish bonus. a huge collection of books like that is his best shot at finding something out about cate

14.  What’s a personality trait they wish they had?

Ebbie: Confidence. Not necessarily in the sense that he doubts himself, though he does a fair amount, but mainly what he wants is the ability to make other people believe him when he Does think he can do something. He doesn’t want to be “trying to make something of himself” in everyone’s eyes forever. He’s already made something. 

Nissy: Absolutely nothing he’s perfect how he is how DARE you insinuate that he could need ANYTHING added to his finely manufactured personali- (Patience. He has so, so many years to go ahead of him and he doesn’t know how to make things last. He’s worried that if he keeps letting people and interests slip through his fingers like sand he’ll have nothing left to hold before he even reaches his final lifetime.)

25.  If there was a day held in their honor, what would people have to do on that day? Craving: ooooooooooooooooooooooohohohohohohoho. Oh boy this is ,.... this is tasty. I’m thinking a sort of mardigras crossed with the purge but less murder in which the vibe is “fucking anything goes, you’re the tits so damn well act like it”. extravagancy, over-dressing for the occassion, blatant gluttony, open container alcohol, if you think it’s pretty its yours kinda attitude. tons of costume jewelry on your body and trinkets in your pocket with the expectation that you’ll swipe some and others will swipe yours, and you’ll come home with a new selection of “finery”. the nice things stay locked at home. restaurants offer free food and stores have huge sales, card games and county fair style side shows in the middle of the street. an excuse to indulge recklessly. Udoora: so like, there’s Kind of already a day in their honor cause the whole town has their yearly festival where they pray to the goddess and go yo whats up lady is your champion stepping down or are we re-blessing the one we already have!! but that’s not specific to doora. one Just for her... country town festival. think bilbo’s 111th birthday minus the magic fireworks. whole city comes out to party, tons of food, music and dancing, the streets lined with wildflower garlands. stories and laughing around a bonfire as the sun leaves the sky, reverence for the people around you and the place you call home.

27.  What makes a person beautiful to them?

Stella: Gentleness. Now you may read this and go how the FUCK did she end up with craving, and the answer to that is: this question said “beautiful” not “extremely sexy”. she got together with craving because she was horny and THEN she fell in love with craving’s soft side. (Her favorite physical aspect of craving is her hair. she loves to run her fingers through it, because it’s always inexplicably soft, in comparison to the horns and the barbs)

Stella grew up in the woods though, learning to tread light so as not to scare an animal or disrupt a nest. Her favorite place to be as a kid was calf-deep in the slowest part of the river. She knows the soft kiss of the sun on shoulders and the cushion of moss under toes. She was raised in the gentleness of nature, and she longs to see that gentleness reflected in humanity.

Hedja: Now this is an interesting one bc I’d explicitly decided against romance if I ever play them (not that if they don’t pursue romance they’re incapable of seeing beauty but it’s not something i’d thought much at all about). I’d say humor, levity, optimism. The ability to find any speck of brightness you can and kindle it. They don’t care much for physical looks or appearances, but that belief in happiness around every corner is what makes them continue to serve their god, because they find it to be the most beautiful part of life.

37.  What do they think is a conspiracy? Tov: so. a conspiracy that he believes is true is that rowan and sloan are fucking to make him and moos jealous. we know this. but a truth that he believes is conspiracy ... you know i’m gonna say that there’s several warlock patrons who are definitely real in d&d canon but he refuses to believe that they exist because he had such shit luck trying to contact them with rax. (don’t ask me which ones i don’t know enough d&d lore for this) Roona: my god. she’s the perfect one for this holy shit ... she’s about 30% convinced that every thing that’s been said to her for her entire life is fake and she’s part of a really fucked up social experiment, so there’s that. she’s also a strong believer in the “we’re all in a simulation” theory, as well as “i’m the only one who’s alive and everyone else is a simulation” theory. she waffles on and off as to whether all the gods are actually just one guy. there’s one town she passed through where she’s sure the king has been dead for years and is being puppeted around by a necromancer group running a shadow government. there’s no fucking way math is real, everyone’s bullshitting numbers bigger than 100. not really a conspiracy but since getting the ass spoon she doesn’t believe in the societal value of forks cause she’s been doing just fucking fine with her spoon and her hands only thank you VERY much.

[ragewerthers]

Funny Bone

This was a small fluff filled story I wrote to compensate for a rather angsty one I caught myself up in!

Summary:  The boys realize that they’ve never heard Ignis laugh.  They wonder if perhaps they can help him find his funny bone once again!

Words: 3704

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“Have you ever noticed that like…. Ignis never laughs?” Prompto asked from his perch atop a rather large boulder near the dock Noctis was currently fishing from.  He had been skimming through a few of his most recent pics on his camera, cataloging their adventure, when the idea had struck him due to a particular photo.

Turning his head slightly at the comment from his friend, Noct kept his eyes on the water, reeling in his line a little bit more.  He himself was sat on the edge of the dock, boots and tackle box beside him as his feet dangled above the water.

“Specs?  Of course he laughs,” the Prince said simply, blue eyes scanning the lake for any ripples in the water to alert him to his intended targets.

“Really?  Name one time you’ve honestly heard him laugh... chuckle… giggle!” Prompto shot back, looking down at his friend and daring him to try.

“Uhh… well…,” Noct paused as he reeled his line back entirely, setting the pole over his lap so he could change out his lure.  “I don’t know.  I don’t chronicle when each one of you does something human.”

“Yeah, well… I do.  And I’m tellin’ ya, Iggy doesn’t laugh!” Prompto said, pointing to his camera and nearly teetering off the rock in the process.

“Easy there, Prom,” Noct chuckled as he watched his friend flailing his arms to try and steady himself.  “What made you think of this anyway?”

Finally sitting back a little further from the edge of his outlook, Prompto took a breath, skimming back through his photos to get to the one that had started this whole thing.

“Remember a couple nights ago when Gladio fell through his old camp chair?” he asked, a smile instantly breaking out over his features as he found the exact photo he was looking for.

The picture was only slightly blurred as Prompto had been laughing so hard he couldn’t keep his hands steady.  In it the only things visible of the Shield of Lucis were his arms and legs as they dangled over the crumpled frame of his chair, the rest of his body sucked in toward the center with his backside firmly planted on the rocky surface of the haven.  In the background, Noct was visibly bent over, arms wrapped around his middle as he laughed so hard he couldn’t stand properly.

Currently, said Prince was once again laughing at the memory as he finished tying on the new cactuar lure.

“That was… the best night of my life,” he chuckled, remembered the holler the man had given, sounding like a surprised Chocobo before ending up stuck in his mangled chair.  The memory sent him off snickering again and Prompto giggled as well as he slid from his perch to join Noct on the dock.

“Funny right?  Heck, even the big guy was laughing about it.  But look,” he said as he knelt beside his friend, holding the camera out for him to see.

Noct squinted a little to see the picture, smirking as he focused first on Gladio, then chuckling as he saw his own reaction.  Finally his eyes came to rest on the third figure in the picture.  There was Iggy, but where Noct was all but collapsed over in a laughing fit, Ignis was stood with a light smile, one hand slightly covering his mouth as he watched the events unfolding.

“Huh..,”

“See?!  I told you!  That was hilarious, dude, but Iggy barely cracked a smile!  And then I started thinking… I have never heard him laugh for as long as I’ve known you guys.  Ever… forever, never, ever in forever, never!”

Noct chuckled and gave the blondes shoulder a slight nudge as he rambled, making the other squeak a little as he fell back onto his butt, camera clutched to his chest.

“Okay, okay.  I get what you’re saying, but… I… I don’t know?  Maybe he really just didn’t find it funny?”

“Dude,” Prompto said flatly.

“What?”

Prompto shook his head.  “This is bigger than just not finding something funny!  Do you think Iggy doesn’t know how to laugh?”  He gasped a second later and covered his mouth with one of his hands.  “Maybe his brains so full of Ignis stuff he’s forgotten how to!”

Noct rolled his eyes, waving his hand to dismiss his fishing rod and tackle, realizing there was going to be no peaceful fishing now that Prompto was working on some sort of Ignis conspiracy theory.

“Just because I can’t think of a time Ignis laughed doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.  Lets go ask Gladio.  I’m sure he’ll remember something for you,” he said simply as he scooted back from the edge of the dock, tugging his boots back on.

-------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later, the pair had started to make their way back to the haven, both spotting Gladio a little ways away working on a few exercises with his greatsword.

Watching them approach, the Shield dismissed his weapon, ducking down to grab one of his towels and a bottle of water he’d placed nearby.

“I thought you two were fishin’?” he asked, wiping some of the sweat off his brow.

“Detective Prompto, here, is on the case of the missing giggles,” Noct teased as Prompto huffed beside him.

Gladio paused looking between the two for a long second, eyes narrowed slightly in confusion.

“....... what?”

Prompto sighed and fiddled with the bracelets on his wrist.  “I realized that Iggy doesn’t laugh.  Like… not once in my entire existence with you guys have I ever heard him even chuckle!”

“But I told Prompto that just because I couldn’t come up with a time Specs laughed doesn’t mean it’s never happened.  So go ahead.  Tell him that Ignis laughs.”

There was another long pause where Gladio looked between the two younger men, something contemplative crossing his features before he finally spoke.

“He doesn’t.”

“AH HA!”

“WHAT?!”

Noctis looked at his Shield in complete disbelief while Prompto stood smugly beside him.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.  He has to have laughed at some point!” he stated simply as Gladio finished taking a drink of his water and shook his head.

“Nope.  As far as I can remember Iggy has never actually, honest to gods laughed at anything,” he said simply as he gave a little half shrug.  “He’s a pun master, and I know he’s gotta sense of humour, but… I don’t know.  He’s always been that way.”

“How come I never noticed before?” Noct mumbled a bit to himself, wondering how he could’ve missed something that came so naturally.  If he really thought hard on it he also couldn’t recall seeing Ignis laugh when they were kids either.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, buddy,” Prompto said, sidling up beside his friend and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.  “Remember when I almost had a heart attack when he started humming the Chocobo song?  Iggy is just… superhuman apparently.  Though… I do wonder if there’s anything that can make him laugh.”

“Doubt it.  I’ve tried,” Gladio said offhandedly with a little chuckle of his own.  “You aren’t the only one whose noticed.  I’ve tried jokes… both clean and lewd, obviously.  The first made him roll his eyes, the second earned me a lecture on why we shouldn’t reference particular parts of the human anatomy in such a way.  I’ve also tried puns and it got me nothin’!  You think the guy would’ve cracked under one of his favourite forms of word play, but nope.  I got a smile and then he got me back with some of his own.”

Noct sighed where he stood, still leaning slightly against Prompto’s side.  “Maybe Prompto’s right?  Maybe he has so many things in his head because of me that he forgot how to just laugh and have fun?”

Hearing this, Prompto instantly frowned and gave his friend a slight squeeze around his shoulders.

“I was only jokin’, buddy.  I’m sure that’s not it.  Maybe… maybe he was just born without a funny bone?”

“A what?” Noct asked, looking over at the blond who instantly sent him a beaming smile.

“You know… a funny bone!  Like this one, or this one!” he stated, sending a few pokes with his free hand into Nocts ribs, instantly making the Prince chuckle and try to shimmy away.

“O-Okay!  Okay!  I get it!” he laughed as Prompto ceased his attack and let his friend scurry away.  However, the sunshine childs beaming smile turned into one of mischief and mayhem.

“Hey… you guys thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” he asked, glancing at his friends.

Noct, who was busy rubbing his side found himself starting to smile as well as he caught on to the idea.  

“That we should see if we can’t help Specs find his funny bone?” he asked, a little glee slipping into his voice.  If he was the cause of Ignis not laughing then he wanted to be part of the remedy to bring it back.

“You realize if you fail Iggy will break all your bones and not just the funny ones, right?” Gladio asked with a smirk of his own as he watched the plot unfolding before him.

“Well… you’re an accessory to this now so even if you don’t help Iggy is still gonna come after you,” Noct said with a smug smile as the Shield gaped at him.

“What?!”

“You heard the man!  You know our plan.  So either you can help us find Iggy’s missing funny bone or… you can wait for him to murder us and then come looking for you next.  Your choice,” Prompto said lightly.

Groaning slightly, Gladio threw his sweaty towel at Prompto’s head, the photographer laughing and swatting it away.

“Fine.  Then how do you wanna do this?”

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Standing at the campstove, Ignis had just added a bit of fried Anak meat to the stew he’d been working on the better part of the afternoon.  He stirred the contents of the pot, making sure everything looked perfectly mixed together before placing the lid on top to let it cook down for their dinner this evening.  If he was lucky, the vegetables had been diced and chopped thin enough that most of them would simply become a thickening agent, tricking the Prince into getting in at least a small dose of something healthy.

Stepping back now he glanced around the haven at the lush green grass that surrounded it.  It was a beautiful spot really and a nice reprieve from the hunts they’d been going on recently.  Just a good area all around to relax and take a bit of a breather for a moment.

Though picturesque he was still surprised at how peaceful the day had been so far.  Prompto and Noct had run off to go fishing, Gladio was away getting in a little extra training with the new greatsword they’d been able to purchase from the weaponry vendor.  All in all the day couldn’t have been more pleasant.  Maybe he’d even be able to do a little something for himself later, though to be perfectly honest, he wasn’t quite sure what that would entail.

Sadly he wouldn’t be given much time to think on it either.

As Ignis stood looking out over the scenery he felt something hit his shoulder before it dropped to the ground at his feet.  Looking down he noticed a red chocobo fishing lure and instantly his heart filled with dread.

“WARP STRIKE!”

In a flash of blue, Noctis was colliding with him, sending the Advisor reeling and falling back onto the haven floor, a smiling Prince all but wrapped around him.

“What in the bloody hell is going on here?!” he shouted as he tried to extricate himself from under his Highness, only to be pinned down more securely.

“So, Prompto brought up something interesting today that I never realized before,” Noct said nonchalantly as he sat on the man’s stomach, Ignis’s wrists trapped under his knees.

“Oh?  And what, pray tell, might that be?  And why did it lead you to attack me?” Ignis grumbled, still shifting under the younger man, biding his time as he waited to see what all this was about.

“Well… you see..,” Noct rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before continuing.  “None of us have ever heard you laugh, Specs.”

Ignis instantly stopped his struggling and narrowed his eyes at the Prince, a few pieces of this ridiculous puzzle easily coming into focus now.

“Noct… I’m warning you here and now.  Don’t even think about it,” he growled, trying to put as much sternness into his voice as he could while lying vulnerable on what had to be the least comfortable haven they’d ever found.

The warning was a good sign to Noctis, his smile growing from awkward to teasing in a nanosecond.

“What?  We were just wondering if maybe you misplaced your funny bone or something.  And what kind of friends would we be if we didn’t help you find it, right?”

Nocts hands instantly rose up, fingers wiggling menacingly over the Advisors torso, making him twitch and struggle that much more.

“Noct!  Noct stop this this instant or I swear to Shiva herself you will be eating vegetables for the rest of this trip!” Ignis warned, watching as those fingers started to descend toward his stomach.

“Not until I find your funny bone, Specs!” Noct shot back, closing in on his target when suddenly he found his world upended.

In a burst of adrenaline, Ignis had managed to pry one of his wrists free from under Nocts knees.  Then using it to gain momentum he rolled over quickly, sending the Prince onto the glowing rocks, before springing up and running out toward the grassy field and toward a small gathering of trees he felt he could hide relatively easy in.

“We gotta runner!  Team Beta move out!” Noct called, springing up and starting to give chase.

“Read you loud and clear, Noct!” Prompto called from farther ahead.

Between the haven and the small forest, Prompto had been lying in wait in a little rock outcropping should Ignis break away from Noct.

Honestly, Ignis would’ve been a little proud of their foresight and planning if he wasn’t currently running from the mini-manhunt party.

Prompto jumped out in front of him as he got closer, arms wide as if he was simply going to catch the Advisor in some sort of warm embrace.

Rolling his eyes, Ignis instantly took his advantage.  Running full tilt toward Prompto he feigned left before pushing off quickly with his left foot to jump up against one of the taller rocks.  Then, using it as a solid springboard he kicked off, somersaulting mid-air over Prompto to keep from kicking him and to give him a little extra spin and distance…… only to be captured upon landing as he collided with the solid chest of Gladio.

“Woo!!!  Well done Team Delta!” Prompto cheered as Gladio held a squirming and flailing Ignis to his chest.

The Advisor only stopped a moment when he heard the team name and looked up at the Shield.

“Team Delta?  What happened to Team Charlie?” he asked, even caught up in this ridiculousness he couldn’t help but be bothered by the missing rank.

Gladio grumbled and narrowed his eyes as Noct drew closer.

“Got demoted after tellin’ Noct his idea was stupid,” he groused as the Prince finally caught up with them, a victorious smile on his lips.

“Yeah… and look how well the plan worked!” he said smugly as he caught his breath.  “Now… we’re doing this for your own good, Iggy.  Honest.”

Caught up in the worlds biggest and burliest bear hug, Ignis found his fate drawing closer and  clamped his mouth shut before closing his eyes to steel his resolve.

It was a futile effort.

With Gladio’s arms locked around his upper arms, it left a good portion of Ignis’s sides, stomach and ribs available for the Prince to take advantage of… and take advantage he did.

His fingers quickly latched onto Ignis’s sides, squeezing and spidering up to his lower ribs as the Advisor jumped in Gladio’s hold and a small squeak escaped.

“Look!  Look it’s working!” Prompto cheered from the sidelines as Ignis shook his head, a smile starting to form over his lips.

“Come on, Specs!  You gotta have a funny bone somewhere,” Noct teased as his fingers reached a little lower to drill against the taller mans hips.

“N-Noct!” the Advisor yelped, though no discernible laughter had escaped yet, his face was already turning a lovely shade of red as he continued to fight against the ticklish sensations.

Narrowing his eyes, Noct let his fingers wander, one hand moving to claw right in the center of Ignis’s stomach while the other slowly started to wander back up his side.

“I think we’re getting close to that missing funny bone, Iggy.  Don’t you think?  I think it’s right here?  Here?  Or maybe riiiiight… here!”

With the final exclamation he moved both hands up to tickle and vibrate against his lower ribs and Ignis finally broke.

Loud, wild laughter escaped the bespectacled man as he struggled against Gladio’s hold and the horribly ticklish sensations coursing through his body.  Noct was absolutely merciless, finding the spaces right between the bones and tickling with an evil precision he didn’t realize the Prince had.  Ignis felt his knees going weak and was soon being fully supported by the Shield when suddenly it happened.  A rather unbecoming and horrendously loud snort erupted from him and everything stilled in an instant.

Ignis’s cheeks were positively crimson now as he hung his head, trying to catch his breath and unwilling to look any of them in the eye.  This was exactly why he never laughed in polite company!  Because he sounded like an absolute buffoon and many people had made it quite clear that it was something he should hide and be ashamed of.

“Woah…,”

“Did he just…,”

Gladio and Noctis were both stunned at hearing the normally stoic man sounding so completely unrefined.

Prompto, however, seemed to be sensing the absolutely miserable mind frame that Ignis was spiraling down and stepped forward.

Ignis heard the footsteps drawing near and wondered if perhaps Prompto was going to take a picture of this horrifyingly embarrassing moment so they could all laugh about it later.  Such would be his luck.

What he wasn’t expecting was to feel fingers tickling at the back of his neck, instantly making him squeak and scrunch his shoulders up as a few giggles inadvertently slipped out, followed by another snort.

“See?  I knew we’d find his funny bone!” Prompto offered with a kind smile as he continued the light tickling, making Ignis both relax and laugh a bit more.  Where he’d been expecting ridicule he found none.  Only the smile of someone he considered an honest and true friend.  He was being silly thinking that they would tear him down for something like this.  But the mind has a funny of way of warping your insecurities into something bigger that what they really are.

“I was getting worried there!  I thought you might actually not have it in ya, but you have one of the best laughs in the world, Iggy!  There’s no way we’re gonna let you hide it now,” he gunner said lightly as Noct seemed to come out of his reverie, realize what was happening and smile as well.

“Yeah, Specs.  Why you been holding out on us?” he asked, fingers starting to squeeze around the man’s sensitive lower ribs again and getting another wild laugh out of him, quickly followed by, what would become, his trademark snort.

“I-I s-sahahaound sihihilly!” he tried to reply, shaking his head and trying to wriggle away from the group.

“Not even close, Iggy,” Gladio rumbled from behind him, giving him a little squeeze around the middle and letting his own fingers lightly tickle where they were pressed against his upper ribs.  “It’s a laugh.  It’s not silly, it’s carefree, and it’s honest.  Nothing fake about it which makes it better.”

Ignis wished he could take these compliments to heart, but right now, with his ribs and neck being tickled as they were all he could do was giggle, snort and laugh like he hadn’t done in ages.

A few minutes later the attack ceased, Gladio loosening his hold though he kept his arms around him as the Ignis seemed a little unsteady on his legs right now.

“I… I thought… you’d find me ridiculous,” he admitted, cheeks dusted pink and a smile still on his lips as he leaned against Gladio.  “Thank you… for… not teasing me.  And for… finding my funny bone.”

Noct smiled brightly at that and nodded, puffing his chest out proudly.

“Of course, Specs!  I’m just sorry that I had to lure it out of you,” he said, holding up the fishing lure he’d used in his warp strike on the poor man.

Ignis instantly snorted again, covering his mouth and shaking his head.

“Okay, okay.  Enough.  You may actually break him if you don’t let him get a breather in,” Gladio warned with a fond smile.  “So… you gonna stop hiding your laugh from us then, Iggy?”

As Ignis got himself back under control he nodded, bringing a hand up to adjust his glasses.  “Yes.  I fear what repercussions may happen if I do-HIC!”

Ignis’s eyes grew wide as he brought his hands up to clamp over his mouth, staring around at all of them in turn.

Prompto instantly started giggling, a look of pure glee spreading all over his freckled face.

“You also get hiccups when you laugh?!  Oh my gods that is the most precious thing I’ve ever heard!”

Ignis groaned as he lowered his hands, looking up to the heavens.

“Oh bollu-HICS!”

Gladio and Noctis were soon to follow in Prompto’s laughter, earning them all a fond glare from the man.  However, there was no way he could actually be mad at these ridiculous men he was lucky enough to consider his friends.

How many people would go through such lengths to help find your funny bone?

[runmilder]

Henchman

AO3 link here

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: DCU, DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types Rating: Teen Relationships: Dick Grayson/reader Tags: coffee dates, Mind Control, And Romance, oh my!, POV Second Person

Summary: 

Sometimes you’re the hero. Sometimes you’re the victim. And sometimes… sometimes you’re just the overpaid lackey.

Living in Gotham is a bit like living in the eye of an infinite hurricane. Sure, it’s calm for now, but you can see the wall of the storm on all sides, and you’re left to wonder if you have enough time to make it to the 7-Eleven and back before the next wave hits. Except instead of rain and wind, it’s going to be clowns or cultists or whatever the villain flavor of the week happens to be.

This week, it’s… eldritch creatures?

“Oh, for the love of—” You dodge a whip-like tentacle and stumble into the brick siding of the convenience store. There’s nothing particularly convenient about it when its barred windows shatter and shower you in a fine hail of glass. You cover your head, eyes shut, and wish you’d just eaten what was in your fridge.

Somewhere nearby, sirens wail.

Today, it seems, you’ve been caught out in the storm. And unlucky you, you forgot to bring your umbrella and Lovecraft survival guide.

Another dark, writhing shape launches itself at you, suckers flaring, and you lunge into an alley at a run. You’ve seen this anime. Doesn’t end well for hapless schoolgirls.

Ordinarily, dark alleys are a huge no-go in Gotham city, but “ordinary” doesn’t really cover this situation. Besides, if there’s a gun-toting thug behind a dumpster, you hope the many-limbed creature—creatures?—go for them first.

Something flies over your head, close enough that you can feel the downdraft. You duck belatedly, knees hitting the pavement. There’s a sound like someone hitting a wet sack with a bat, then a crackle, a shriek, and a smell of charred meat. And over it all, the pervasive scent of garbage.

Eau-de-Gotham.

You turn to see the broad back of one of the city’s many costumed crusaders, and if you had the breath to spare, you’d sigh in relief. Nightwing wails on one thick tentacle, batons lit up and buzzing.

“Keep going!” he shouts back at you, hurtling into the heart of the mess. From the mouth of the alley, you see someone in red joining the fray.

Calvary present, you waste no time in booking it the rest of the way down the alley, resolving to take the long way back to your apartment.

Back home, the news blathers on about a science experiment gone wrong or some shit—what else is new—and switches to an aerial view of shadowed figures just going to town on equally dark, inhuman shapes. You can see your local junk food stop to their right, its windows shattered. You bet if you open your own window, you’ll be able to hear some of the commotion.

Your microwave shrills, and you flick off the television with a long-suffering sigh.

Just another Tuesday in Gotham.

Wednesday brings with it a fair number of actual storms, and a date with your sort-of boyfriend.

“You look rough,” he says, taking in your rain-ravaged form.

“Dick,” you say as both address and acknowledgment of his entirely uncalled-for observation.

He grins. “I bought you a coffee.”

“You’re on thin ice, buddy.” You take the proffered cup anyway.

Dick is sitting by the window of the coffee shop, legs stretched out under the small table. You sit across from him and try to figure out how to arrange your own limbs without disturbing him. He takes a sip of his drink, clearly amused, before trapping your legs between both of his own and settling back with a smug look. You consider struggling for a moment, but you can feel his muscles flexing beneath the denim, and hoo boy, that’s not a battle you’d win. You lean back, adopting what you hope is an impassive look, but from the way Dick continues to radiate smug satisfaction, you think it’s a loss.

“So,” you say, hoping to guide this interaction back to neutral ground. “How’s work?”

“Work’s good.” He shrugs, and you try not to stare at the way his shirt tightens around his shoulders. “Routine stuff. Uneventful.” He never wants to talk about work. “How’s class?”

You groan. That question has hounded you for the past four years.

“I just signed up for my last semester. Can’t come soon enough, honestly.”

Dick nods. “You continuing with that internship in the spring?”

“Mhm.” You jiggle your cup, feeling the liquid slosh. “Dr. Irving wants to keep me on. Says I’m “good with the kids.””

“The “kids” being…”

“Her plants,” you say.

You both share a smirk.

Dick sobers. “Listen,” he says. “I was thinking—”

“Dangerous.”

“Seriously.” His legs tighten around yours. “What if you had another offer?”

“Paying what she does? In this economy?” Your laugh is only half mocking. “Honestly, I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop there, but until then…” You raise your cup in a salute.

Dick leans forward. “What about double?”

“I’m sorry?”

“What if you were offered double what you’re making with the good doctor to… what? Water her plants and stay out of her way?”

Your mind blanks. “Uhh…”

Sounds shady as hell. You already feel like you’re getting away with highway robbery with what Dr. Irving is paying you. Or, at least, what her research lab is paying you. And also, rude, you do more than water plants and make yourself scarce.

You also make ungodly amounts of herbal tea.

“I… like all of my organs?” you finally say.

“I said a job, babe, not a back-alley procedure.”

“Actually, you said “offer,” which sounds infinitely more ominous.”

His eye-roll is more of a full-head-roll, and when his neck stretches, you catch sight of a discolored spot on the skin beneath his jaw.

“Is that a… hickey?” you say slowly. It doesn’t really look like a hickey. It actually looks like he was shot in the neck with a giant suction cup dart.

He claps a hand over the spot. “Um. N-yeah.”

“Nyeah?” You narrow your eyes.

This isn’t even about the possibility of Dick necking another person—a person with a lamprey mouth, apparently—as you’re not exactly clear on the parameters of your relationship. Such as it is. It’s just that the spot on his neck is niggling at something in your brain. His reaction is equally suspicious, although he locks it up pretty fast.

“Sorry, I—” He looks pained. “Stuff… happened last night. It was… electric.” The flat tone of his voice belies his words.

You open your mouth. Close it.

Is this where you ask for clarification about the two of you? Broach the topic of exclusivity?

…Why does this feel like one of those situations where a guy claims to have been watching porn when he’s really been watching something weirdly hard to explain, like Teletubby conspiracy theories?

“Dick, what’s really goi—” you start, but a low-tone buzz interrupts you, and Dick already has his discrete work phone in hand, eyes flicking over the screen.

He mutters something under his breath. “Look, I have to—” He looks at you, grimacing. “I am so, so sorry. I don’t mean to ditch you after—” He waves a hand to encompass the tense air between you.

You frown, confused and frustrated. You definitely feel like you’re missing something.

Dick slides his chair back, his legs detangling themselves from yours in one deft movement.

“Can I call you later?” he asks. The expression on his face speaks volumes for what answer he expects.

You surprise him by nodding. You’re still staring at the angry mark.

He lets out a short breath through his nose. “I—okay. Good.” He bends over you for a second, hesitating, before pecking you on the head. “Stay dry.”

And then he’s gone.

You’re left with half a cup of cooling coffee and a head full of questions.

Dr. Paula Irving is a little prickly, but also mostly absent, so she’s pretty much the best boss ever. When you were flipping through internship applications, S.T.A.R. Lab’s jumped out because—hello, “paid.” Right there in print. You weren’t sure what pittance could be expected for a botanist’s undergrad assistant, so when you interviewed—first with the lab, and then with the scientist herself—and she told you the sum, your jaw nearly hit the floor.

“It’s an incentive,” she said, eyes looking through you. “Treat them well.”

You didn’t care at that point whether her plants required only the blood of virgins—you were getting this internship, dammit.

Thankfully, the lab’s greenhouse inhabitants need only the usual upkeep: sunlight, water, and occasional pruning. You spend the first week learning the ins and outs of plant care under your employer’s watchful eye, and after that, you are left to your duties in silence. It’s calm, methodical work, and the green space is always nap-weather warm. It’s nice.

Sometimes, when you’ve finished tending the plants, you’re to help Dr. Irving with… whatever it is that she’s doing. It mostly involves you wearing protective gear in the little white tent she’s erected and keeping the temperature steady on the vials of plant extracts that she’s examining. Occasionally, she even trusts you with a small knife, and you dice what looks like diseased plant pieces and put them on microscope slides. She never bothers to explain what she’s working towards, and you’re not getting paid to ask questions.

It’s kind of a soap-bubble existence.

That being said, you don’t expect it to pop as it does.

“Hey, Doc, sorry I’m late. There was a guy with sonic weapons on my normal route, and my taxi had to—” You stutter to a halt, taking in the scene.

Normally, your employer is dressed to kill—business skirts, heels, the whole nine yards—but today she seems to be taking the saying a little more seriously.

“I’ll just...” You make a grab for the door handle, looking to make a speedy exit.

A vine darts out to cinch your arms to your waist. You suck in a shallow breath and wonder what it is about you and tentacle-like things lately. At least the vine doesn’t have suckers on it.

Wait—

“Now this is unfortunate,” Poison Ivy née Paula Irving says, shattering your thoughts. She glides closer, plants blooming in her wake. You feel like you’re looking at some carnal painting of Eve, all leaves and bare skin. “I had hoped to avoid complications like this. Keep my work and home life separate, if you will.”

You knew this job was too good to be true. Science credits and competitive pay? You should have just taken out a loan.

“Look, I won’t tell anyone—” you say, the words tumbling out before you can catch them. You really don’t want to find out what it feels like to have vines grow up your sinus cavities and into your brain.

“Of course not, sweet thing.” The woman has a smile as poisonous as her name. She strokes a hand down your face. “We’re going to make sure of it.”

The puff of pollen isn’t what you’re expecting. You sneeze, once.

Then things get a little… hazy.

“Now we have a lot to do today, and I’m going to need you to be a very good helper.”

You find yourself nodding. You can be a good helper. You can be a great helper.

Something soft pats your cheek. “That’s what I like to hear.”

There’s something wrong.

Dr. Irv—Pam—seems unfazed, and she would know—she knows everything—but there’s still… something. You pause in your fiddling with a line of heating concoctions, head spinning. It’s like a ringing in your ears. Like a ringing in your whole head.

“Don’t let that extract burn,” Pam says sharply, and the moment is lost.

You adjust the temperature, happy to be of help.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been here, but it’s not important. Pam says you’re close—so close—to completion, and it would be a shame to stop now.

You agree. Why leave when you could be here, helping?

Some distant message in your brain pings, but you send it straight to voicemail. You have the brief thought that maybe you should sit down, but there are no chairs here, and you can’t just leave. Pam says you should stay in this room, and that seems reasonable. There’s too much to do.

Something pings again, and this time it’s not in your head.

“Be a dear and turn off your phone, would you? It’s bad lab manners,” Pam says. She doesn’t look up from her slides.

You float over to your shoulder bag, feeling mortified. You didn’t turn off your phone! Pam must think you’re so rude. Maybe you should throw your phone in the garbage.

Yeah, that seems like the best course of action.

You reach for the power button, but the screen lights up again, another message coming in. You blink. There are… a lot of missed messages. That seems important, somehow.

“Something wrong?” Pam asks, suddenly beside you.

You start, and the screen goes black. You stare at the dark shape for a handful of seconds, unseeing, before giving a shrug and tossing it into the waste bin.

“It’s not important,” you say, smiling up at the woman.

“Hm.” She peers into your eyes for a moment, and you smell something cloying, like roses and overripe fruit, before she turns away. You waver in place, the ground bucking beneath you.

It’s not importa—

You’re happy to hel—

You pitch forward, losing the battle with your own equilibrium.

Something warm catches you around your waste.

“Easy there,” a vaguely familiar voice says in your ear.

The room around you shifts again. You feel like you should tell someone that you’re feeling a little under the weather, but your tongue grew wings and flew away, and you’re not sure about the state of your vocal cords. There’s suddenly a lot more green in your field of vision, and that seems cheerful.

“I can’t say I’m glad to see you, little bird.”

Oh, but Pam doesn’t seem to be cheerful at all. Your fingers twitch in sympathy. You can’t seem to manage much more than that.

“”Little” from whose perspective, Doctor Irving?”

No one seems very happy, actually. Such a shame, because other than your general inability to do anything, you feel great.

“I’m surprised it took you so long, honestly,” Pam says. “I thought one of your kind would come flying in here half-cocked weeks ago.”

There’s some maneuvering, and you’re lifted so that Pam is no longer in your line of sight—you’d frown if you still had lips, but you think they hitched a ride with your tongue—and you are instead looking up at a man in a mask.

Or, more specifically, you’re looking up at a masked man’s jaw and mouth.

“’ey,” you slur.

Blue eyes blink down at you, momentarily distracted. “What did you do?”

You’re not sure what he means. You’ve only been helping; he doesn’t have to sound so harsh—

“Just a little plant coercion,” Pam says airily. “Nothing permanent, if you’re so concerned.”

Oh. No one’s angry at you. That’s good.

The lips continue to frown. The shape of them is familiar, and you feel like you’ve thought about them before. At length.

“Dick,” you say muzzily.

The look now aimed at you is one of alarm.

“Are you kidding me?” your sort-of boyfriend hisses through his teeth.

You wonder why he’s wearing the mask. You like his face. It’s a good face.

Some of that thought must find its way out of your mouth, because there's a shushing noise—rude—and suddenly you’re in motion.

“Don’t think you’re getting away with this, Ivy,” Dick throws over his shoulder.

There’s a feminine scoff behind him. “You think you can just come and go as you please, don’t you? Men.”

Your free ride gets a lot rougher when vines start snapping toward Dick’s feet. He dashes out of the lab, dodging encroaching flora, and you resolve to close your eyes and hope for the best. You’re sad that Pam’s upset, but Dick is here now, and you really like Dick.

“I r’ly li’e you,” you say, because it’s important that he knows.

“Your timing,” Dick pants, tucking you in closer, “leaves something to be desired.”

“Mm.” You’d say more—something about his mouth, maybe—but something is tugging you down, down, down into darkness, and you see no reason to resist.

Dick will keep you safe.

“—orked for Poison Ivy for months without suspecting her, and I show up and get pegged in minutes. Even after the drugs!”

You’re not sure what death feels like, but you think you might be experiencing it.

“Eugh,” you can’t help but groan when you go to scrape your eyelids open. Too bright.

There’s the sound of footsteps and a hand on your forehead.

“Hey, take it easy, you’ve been out for a while.”

“Dick?” you ask, eyes still firmly winched shut. Your mind’s all jumbled, and your sinuses feel like they’ve been hit with spring allergies.

There’s a pregnant pause.

“…Yeah. About that.”

You crack an eye open.

“Oh,” you say, mouth dry for a whole host of reasons. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Nightwing says with a wry grin. “We have a lot to talk about.”

The coffee shop is sunny today, and you have a disposition to match.

“Well someone looks chipper,” Dick says when you come strolling in, grin wide enough to split your face. “The interview went well, I assume?”

You bend and smack a kiss against his cheek, but when you go to take your seat, he snags an arm around you and reels you back in for a proper greeting.

“Mm,” you breathe against his mouth. “So good.”

“I know I am.” He winks and lets you go.

You roll your eyes. “I meant the interview, you doof. I swear, if your ego gets any bigger, we’ll have to roll it behind you in a wheelbarrow.”

His ankles stretch out to link around one of your own. His smile is entirely unapologetic.

“So, you got the job?”

“Dick, your dad runs the company. Of course I got the job.”

“Nah, he didn’t have to pull any strings for this. You did it all on your own.”

You have to look down to avoid the warm look in his eyes. You might be blushing.

“Wanna celebrate tonight? My treat.” He waggles his eyebrows invitingly, as if you need coercing to accept the offer.

“Sure you don’t have any other dates tonight? Any eldtritch creatures you wanna get real personal with?”

Dick groans. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“I could be convinced to drop that particular instance. That I was so callously and impersonally seduced to out a super villain?” You give a haughty sniff and flip your hand in a so-so gesture. “Jury’s still out.”

Dick grabs your wavering hand and rubs his thumb over your knuckles. “I’m sorry it’s such an imposition for you.”

“Every day I suffer.”

He laughs, then. “Free up your schedule tonight,” he says, leaning in. “I’ll make it up to you.

The way his voice drops at the last has you shivering.

“I’ll… make some adjustments,” you say.

Gotham may be a hurricane, but you’re feeling weatherproof today.

[sethjacob]

Interview with an Astrobiologist Part 5

Here’s Part 5 of my conversation with Graham Lau, an astrobiologist and science communicator who I interviewed to promote Astrobiology #1. Astrobiology is a sci-fi comic that was just successfully funded on Kickstarter, but you still have a little under 24 hours to back the book and get onboard. Our entire interview will be in the behind the scenes edition of the comic.

https://kickstarter.com/projects/sethjacob/astrobiology-1

Do you think that evidence of extra-terrestrial life will be found in our lifetimes?

Hmm. Yes. I personally do. It's weird, right? Because that's no longer science. I'm not judging that on science, I'm judging it more on what I would consider probability. I would consider that the fact that during our lifetimes, that number of exoplanets that we know of is going to start skyrocketing...I mean, we already know of thousands, who knows how long before we have tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of worlds around other stars that we know that they're there...

I mean, the James Webb one that you mentioned, if we find an atmosphere, that's like, “Look, it's oxygen, nitrogen, all the major gases.” It seems like you could say, just based on that, right?

Well, there's a lot of possible gas combinations. Vickey Meadows, at University of Washington, and her team from the Virtual Planets Laboratory, have done a lot of really great work on looking at oxygen as a biosignature, as both a positive, but also as a potential false positive biosignature.

So oxygen could be a sign of life. Or it might not be. Really, it comes down to looking at the chemistry of an atmosphere of a world. Seeing everything that we can see, and then seeing if it changes and how it changes over time. Those will be really huge things for us to have happen.

And so yeah, it just seems more likely that if there is life out there, that we're gonna find it soon. And it comes down to that if. Maybe we're alone. Maybe for some staggering, unfathomable reason, we're the only show in town. And all these other stars and worlds are just out there and waiting for us to go and have it. It seems unlikely, but it's possible.

I personally favor the other side of the coin. The side where life is fairly common in the cosmos. Maybe intelligent life is fairly common. And I feel like it's just a matter of time now before we discover that we do have some neighbors, other biospheres on worlds nearby.

And whether or not we discover intelligent life in our lifetimes, is another question. That one, I don't know how far I lean, one way or the other. But as far as just finding life in general, I think it just feels like it going to happen.

Well, it does seem like just besides humans, there are a fair amount of intelligent species on Earth, you know? Like dolphins, whales, some of the greater apes...so it seems like there are multiple intelligent species on Earth. I mean, not as advanced as us, but it seems like if there could be multiple, just on one planet, then the idea that intelligence is likely to emerge seems like a pretty strong possibility, I guess?

Yeah, it feels that way, right? And we have so many intelligent organisms on Earth. Birds using tools. We have these other apes and monkeys who obviously show a lot of social interaction, and have learned to use tools in various ways. We listen to the languages of whales and dolphins, even though we can't speak it and we don't know exactly what they're saying, it seems that they're communicating with a fairly well structured language.

So yeah, intelligence seems like it is an imperative of life itself, at some point, is to start creating intelligent life. But you know, we don't know, I mean, if the formation of intelligence is common on other worlds or not. It would be cool though, if there are alien worlds out there, there are more than one dominant intelligent life form that's created a civilization.

And here on Earth, I think on Earth we just got a little unlucky that we humans got there so fast that nothing else had the chance. Because there are so many other smart organisms out there that, for all we know, could create their own civilizations in the coming millenia and eons. But we're here now, dominating the planet, so when we see something getting intelligent, we then take it, and study it, and put it in a zoo. And we're also just obliterating the climate on our planet and changing things in a way that it's hard for other intelligent species to really create civilizations.

But wouldn't it be cool though, to find some alien world out there where there's more than one, maybe even two or three intelligent civilizations of organisms on the same planet?

It kind of is interesting that there was a point, in our ancient past, where there were multiple hominid species on Earth. So it really could have gone down that way. Neanderthals could've just been an existing species of human on Earth, coexisting with us into the present, if the dice had just rolled a different way.

That's true. That also would depend on whether or not we would allow them to live. Given our war-like nature, the feeling of tribal-ness and of the need to fight the other, to banish the other, has been strong for human populations to through time. And it has been with us. We haven't lost that sense of tribal-ness.

But it would be interesting, if other hominid species, along with us, over a million years ago, and then tens of thousands of years ago, had been also able to create their own civilizations. And work side by side, while not necessarily interbreeding with ours.

Which sci-fi series, or is there a particular story, gets astrobiology and space exploration really right?

Oh man. Great question. There's been so many awesome sci-fi movies and shows out there through time. I absolutely love Star Trek: The Next Generation as a kid. But in the modern time? It's a little bit harder.

I love The Expanse right now. Just an incredible show. Reminds me of a horror video game, kind of intermixed with a really good space-flight science. And a very fun sci-fi story in the background of how humans are interacting with each other in these various places in our Solar System. Because it's possible, it might actually go down that way that we actually find some alien life form, but then whichever government finds it doesn't choose to share it right away with other governments. For whatever reason.

It would be saddening. When I watch that show, I'm so saddened that this protomolecule in the show was find by these terrible people who use it for a bad purpose, for warfare. Rather than sharing it immediately and saying, “Look, we're not alone. Let's study this, but also be very cautious of it.” That's what we would hope for, that scientists and explorers are the ones who find it first and have a chance to share that. As opposed to corporate interests, or military interests.

How do you feel about what seems like the resurgence of a conspiracy theory contingent? These kind of people who deny the moon landing, or are just extremely suspicious of anything NASA does? For instance, Flat Earthers. How does that kind of thing feel to you?

Well, I wouldn't call it a resurgence.

Hmm. Just the internet, now, that makes it seem--

Yeah. I think it's been the growth of the internet itself actually.

Right.

Because before, you had that crazy uncle who would ramble on about some weird thing, like the chem-trails. “Oh yeah, all those particles coming out of the airplane are chemicals that the government uses to control our minds.” And it used to be that that person didn't have anyone else to talk to about these weird ideas they had.

And now with the internet, these people are finding each other and discovering that there's a lot of them that have these opinions. These weird beliefs. One of my biggest problems with a lot of what we call these conspiracy theorists...which, I hate theorist with that, it's conspiracy believers...my biggest problem is that there actually are reasons to to think that there is a conspiracy sometimes.

I mean, there are real conspiracies.

There have been real conspiracies.

Yeah, of course.

There's been some shady stuff. The CIA was giving LSD to people to see how they reacted to it. We have record of that. We know have been things in the past where the government has lied. And we're just getting to a better time where we're admitting that.

And so I wish that these conspiracy believers were more willing to use skepticism and rationalism in trying to find out what's a conspiracy and what's not. Because they make it hard then for anyone else to actually believe there are real conspiracies. You know, when they're talking about all these fake conspiracies, like the moon landing hoax and chem-trails and flat Earth, they're taking away from the possibility for us to really have important, skeptical conversations about whether or not people in our world are doing things and then hiding them from us.

That said, I also feel like a lot of the current movement towards flat Earth and climate denial and chem-trails, I feel like a lot of that, there's a thing going on in our society where people don't trust authority. It used to be that, when you went to school, you trusted your teacher to give you good information. Now, a lot of children are being told by their parents that they can't trust what the teachers say.

And a lot of people don't feel like they can trust what the government says. They don't feel they can trust what scientists and engineers are saying. And the weird thing is, it's very much a movement against credibility, against authority. And even though I kind of understand it to a certain degree, I also find it saddening and very frustrating. Because teachers in school, they want the children to get the best education possible by learning about their place in the world, and then being able to make critical, rational decisions about their place in the world.

And when we have people then learning to distrust teachers, distrust the government, distrust the police, distrust scientists, it really makes it harder then for us to have a more rational society which can look at things critically together. So yeah, there's a much larger thing going on there.

Obviously, it affects us astrobiologists, but it affects everyone. Again, I think a lot of it has to do with internet.

It seems like, in particular, there is a suspicion about anything space-related.

Yes and no. It's weird, amongst some of those believers, you who people who think that aliens are here right now, that our civilization has been influenced by aliens. You have people who think that space exploration is the next big thing. So there's a lot of those people who really want to go to space, who think that we're evolving into this cosmic consciousness.

And then you have others who are like, “NASA lies, NASA's fake. They're not telling us the truth.” All that kind of stuff. You have the whole gambit of different kind of ideas when it comes to that.

If we found evidence of extra-terrestrial life, on Mars or Titan or one of the moons, like Enceladus...what do you think that would mean for people on Earth? How would that impact us?

That's been a great question that a lot of us have asked in astrobiology. How will people react? How will governments react, how will religions react? How will people with different beliefs about their place on the planet and in the cosmos, how will they react?

And sometimes, we present it in our science fiction and in our movies of everyone becoming very antagonistic to it, becoming afraid of them, causing problems for our entire species because of their fear. However, I think a lot of people would hear about this news that we find signs of life, and I think that it would really open up their minds, open up their eyes to the possibilities for life in the cosmos.

I think a lot of people would be very positive in their reception of that discovery. Though I also worry, given our current mindset, that there's too many people out there who would hear about it who would talk about it for a day...and then just kind of let it fade into the ether with the rest of the news. Because our news cycle now, this 24 hour news cycle where we can't talk about an idea for more than a day, is very troubling. I do fear that there would be a lot of people who would just have no reaction, or very little response.

But I think in general, the human response would be very positive.

If we were to be in contact with another intelligence race, do astrobiologists think about how we would even communicate? You think back on Close Encounters of the Third Kind, the whole musical tone idea. I guess, mathematically would be the way to do it?

Yeah so, mathematics, as my friend Sarah Welker said recently, is the way in which we interpret the universe. We look at the phenomenon in the universe and use mathematics to understand it. In very many ways, that makes a lot of sense. And so we've talked a lot about how aliens, most likely, would also have discovered mathematics.

But a big question comes down to how will they create the language of their mathematics? Will it be in a way that we can then also share?

Right, like what if they use hexadecimal, what if they use a different mathematics system?

Yeah, they could use different base systems for numbering systems. But there's also potential that maybe just the actual language itself is so radically different in how they understand mathematics that, even though, maybe we'll meet them out in some neighborhood of the cosmos out here in our galaxy...and we'll have two spaceships facing each other, shining lights at each other and lasers at each other. And maybe we'll both be sending out messages in prime numbers or something like that.

But we won't be able to understand each other because we don't have a basis of a basic system for that understanding. We just don't know, but it seems like that mathematics should be the one thing we can share to at least get the ball rolling.

I did love the recent film Arrival. This idea that the aliens had based their language on how their moved time in a nonlinear sense. I found that very intriguing, because of this idea that maybe our perception of the world around us...I mean we use our senses to perceive the world, and our language in very many ways came from our ways of expressing what we're perceiving of the world to other humans.

But maybe, our alien neighbors have very different ways of perceiving the world. And so maybe, their languages would just be very radically different and very difficult for us to discern. So I think it could both be very simple...maybe we'll meet each other and just start talking math, it'll come across very simply. Or, maybe we'll meet and our languages will just be radically different, and we'll just be sitting there jabbering at each other for a very long time. Until someone can figure out some little thing that connects us that we can then actually create a shared language from.

https://kickstarter.com/projects/sethjacob/astrobiology-1

[thoughtscascade]

Hartley, 2

“I swear it won’t happen again,” Hartley said, though he was laughing.

“It better not. You’ve literally killed half the party in crit fails just this session! You’re a bard!” Cisco cried. “We’ve tried having you try other people’s dice, we’ve tried having you roll them different ways, hell, we had you roll from a cup like Yahtzee and you still get more crit fails than the other five regular party members combined!”

Ronnie laughed, “Honestly, I’m more impressed at the fact it always seems to work against everyone. Like how whenever he DMs he almost never gets low rolls and manages to kill half the party in what he planned to be an easy battle.”

“In the time this group has existed, eighty three crit fails. Combined, the group total is fifty five. Excluding DM rolls,” Len spoke up.

Hartley smirked. “Oh, well clearly this was caused by the particle accelerator…”

Cisco snorted. “You pay attention to conspiracy theories. Nerd.”

“You knew what I was talking about. Anyways, I’m the-”

“Oh, yeah, you wrote that paper on why it wouldn’t do anything and the science was bullshit, right. You know, some of the protesters were quoting it.”

“Shows they didn’t read it. I didn’t say that it would do something bad, I just said it wouldn’t do anything. Waste of everyone’s time. I mean, you all saw it too, the science didn’t make sense. And yeah, you wouldn’t expect all of it to make perfect sense to a student, but when none of it makes sense.”

Ronnie interrupted their conversation, “It’s too bad though. Imagine what the world could be like if it worked…it just seems weird to me, that someone so famous for his knowledge would get something so wrong and still…” he trailed off with a shrug.

“I’m surprised you didn’t get sued,” Caitlin said.

Hartley ran a hand through his hair. “No one would take the case after nothing ended up happening. It’s not slander if it’s true. Anyways, I have a well known enough name…” he smirked. “Though, speaking of parents and being unlucky, mine took my coming out…about as well as I’d expected. I prepared my stuff and withdrew my money ahead of time, but I don’t really have a place to stay. So if any of you have an open spot, or know someone who does…?”

“Actually, Sam and Rosa broke up with me, so we could room together if you want, since I need a new place myself,” Lisa offered.

“Why’d they break up with you?” Mick asked, before anyone else had the chance.

Lisa scrunched up her face. “They said they wanted to try being monogamous.” Her brother, leaning against Mick, made similar expression of disgust.

“If you two room together, you’re either gonna kill each other or become best friends, and I don’t know which is worse,” Cisco muttered.

“Aw, Lisa, he does care! He doesn’t want us to kill each other!”

Lisa faked a swoon, “How sweet.”

“Fuck,” Cisco muttered.

“I mean, we can,” Hartley offered.

Cisco groaned, then raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah, have fun with that, considering both of you have sex like, all the time.”

“Says who? Last I checked, you haven’t had sex with either of us,” Lisa pointed out, grinning.

Somehow managing to seem innocent, Hartley responded, “Maybe he’s mistaking it with all the fantasies he has?”

A good portion of the room was laughing as Cisco blushed and stuttered, “It’s because you two talk about it all the time!”

“Eh.” Lisa shrugged. “We can always just arrange it so we’re both out at the same time and one of us goes home with someone else. It’s not difficult.”

She grinned and continued, “Or, of course, you can come too, then neither of us would have to go out and look for sex.”

Cisco gaped for a few moments, then turned to Len, “Did your sister just proposition me to become her sex slave? Because that sounded a lot like a-”

“I don’t know,” Len interrupted, “Why you think that I know or have any desire to know about my little sister’s sex life. I have no idea.”

Lisa rolled her eyes, “I was proposing sex with me and Hartley. Separately. And you moving in with us to save rent. Unless he’d want sex together?”

Hartley shrugged and shook his head, eyeing her, “Probably not.”

“That’s fair,” she told him. “So?” She asked Cisco.