#my channel is a trainwreck but it works and i love it

[dinotruxparty]

Update on my Youtube channel :)

So i was editing a new video okay?

And sometimes i have these moments where i pause at moments that i end up taking a screeshot of and post it on my pinterest.

WHY GEORGE GOTTA LOOK SO INNOCENT

His little blink in this scene was just the CUTEST 😭 Hes by far one of the most huggable characters in this show

Learned from this episode: everyone can say youre a terrible person, but you only know for sure if you manage to piss George off.

This scene never gets boring, like the way George activates his blade is so intimidating. He was the last dude i would expect to fight, especially as agressive as he was, like he turned homegirl Blayde into fucking MUSH bro 😭

And then after he says: i guess im still working some things out.."

I love you George

[deramin2]

Just watched Eternal Sunshine On The Spotless Mind again today. What am absolutely incredible film. Some of Jim Carry and Kate Winslet's best work. Absolute masterpiece of practical effects. Honestly it was so ahead of its time that I couldn't really appreciate it 20 years ago in the way I can now.

The first time I saw this film I was in high school and probably rented it at Blockbuster not too long after it was released. I heard it was good and arty, but it was Jim Carrey so I was expecting a stock favorite Hollywood romcom plot.

My expectation: The depressed schlub has a falling out with his manic pixie dream girl girlfriend and they both get their memories of each other erased. But then they meet and fall in love again which proves that true love is real and they were always meant to be together. And this time they all lived happily ever after and everything is just as it was meant to be. Your usual straight romcom trash plot with a dash of homophobia thrown in there to remind you this was 2004 (which aged like a time capsule).

My friends, I was confused watching the film with that expectation. The pieces didn't seem to fit. It felt disorienting, in a good way, but where I couldn't figure out the current in it's depends and it didn't feel like it was leading where I expected, only further out to sea. And those final two scenes felt so incredibly contradictory. Like it shouldn't have happened that way but I knew it was important that it did. I registered it as a good movie about the danger of trying to forget the past, but I didn't fully get it.

I always meant to go back and rewatch it, but I didn't. It just kind of simmered in the mental stock pot for a couple decades.

Well, today I was feeling deeply depressed about the state of the world and myself to the point that even when my partner and I could hang out and watch something, I couldn't even face watching the blorbos with him to keep caught up. And then Eternal Sunshine On A Spotless Mind slithered into my thoughts. Something I remembered he had never seen but might like. My depression comfort watch films are the most bleak depressing emotional trainwreck about whether people can ever heal their bullshit (odds favor no). Fortunately he's also a tragedy enjoyer.

And now with all the hindsight of my life, I realize this is a time loop horror film about a relationship caught in a toxic vortex that keeps dragging them together when they need to just get away and end it. They want the fantasy so badly that this time it will work and all this pain will be worth it because they can just change themselves through love miraculously.

But the horror and the tragedy is that they can't. That Hollywood story isn't true. It's ruining both their lives to keep believing in it. This isn't a relationship that can be saved or should be saved. It's poisoning them. Every single person in this film keeps holding onto the belief that if they can just put the past behind them and forget all of their mistakes, they'll make all the right choices next time.

What ends up happening is that all of them make the same mistakes over and over again because they don't remember the steps that led to them. Partly this is that the procedure itself is a sketchy as hell Torment Nexus. But also it's because it's impossible to erase every reminder of who you were then. And who you were together. The pull of that nostalgia is so strong that they all just tell themselves they can have the good parts while willing away the bad parts this time.

They can't. Their lives move forward in time but their experiences are caught in a time loop. Everyone making a string of mistakes that drag everyone around them into their own mistakes. Navigating the straits of their relationships, they're so scared of the shoal of ending up alone on one side that they get swallowed buy the whirlpool of staying together. Between Scylla and Charybdis is the channel where they leave for good this time to find out who they are without that person. And hopefully to find a safe harbor. But they will never find safe harbor with each other. They only ever end up sinking together. Being swirled around and then violently spat back out to try again.

Maybe Hollis and Stan got away. That was the only chance at a happy ending for them. I'm glad that the film doesn't tell us if it works, just that it's still important every time people try. Trying to just start over and over with the same person even though it always ends in misery is not romantic. It's a horror story. And our protagonists do not get away.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hi! If you're still doing the ask pairing thingy, here's my submission! This is kind of a lot of stuff, so a quick apology for the Sheer Volume of Said Stuff, and let's get into it!

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

Channeling the Idiotic Nerd Energy here, but hear me out:

Mathy video essays are my lifeblood. What can I say, rat brain craves sustenance. These are two of my favorites.

This is an hour-long essay on the continuity of splines, and Holy Shit. It tickles the few braincells I have left in the most wonderful ways... (Cool stuff!!)

https://youtu.be/jvPPXbo87ds

This one's a little shorter, but it explores the basis and applications of a different number system than the reals, known as "p-adic numbers." (Also cool stuff!!) Scratches the brain cell SO GOOD.

https://youtu.be/3gyHKCDq1YA

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

И ты пытаешься снова дать очень дельный совет мне/Но я бы твоему рту предложил лучше скотч.

(Trans. You're trying again to give me such wise advice, but I'd offer that your mouth is better suited for scotch.)

The above lyrics are from 19 by ssshhhiiittt! (Fantastic song, though a little depressing). My russian is limited, but I Love this Song. This lyric, along with the rest of the verse, stands out to me because it captures the feeling of needing to change in some way, but nobody is giving that advice that you need; the advice that is pertinent.

Re: the Bois

As for the Bois™, I was never able to vibe with Asher or David (at least, not in a romantic sense.) Nothing against them, just not that into them. Platonically, I would forcibly befriend Lasko for nothing but "nefarious" reasons (DnD and hyperfixation talk).

Re: Eepy Talky Subjects

I get eepy and talk about either fountain pens or pretty dice. They bring so much joy to the rat brain. I could talk about fountain pen inks and bodies and makes and models until the universe dies, probably don't quote me on that though.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

I could probably recite most of Fantasy High or The Unsleeping City (both season 1) off memory. They're both part of Dimension 20, a live-play DnD show hosted on Dropout, and just, *chef's kiss*. Brennan Lee Mulligan (the GM) is a goddamned national treasure.

Other stuffs

Other than this, I'm just. A Guy. I'm studying to be a math teacher and I'm a type 5 on the Enneagram. I can tend to be a nervous wreck, and I also have Extreme Cool Guy Syndrome (my doctor says it's called ADHD.) So, ye! Have fun deciphering this trainwreck of an ask!!

Oh, we abso-fucking-lutely stan a couple in STEM. The nervous math teacher and the soft-spoken technician- you and Anton would be a great pair.

Type Five’s are characterized as inquisitive, innovative, and intellectual; it can be so fun to pair Fives with together because you’ll learn so much from each other and it’ll be flirting! Maybe even do the flirting in Russian, because that definitely was a factor in my complex, matchmaking algorithm.

Anton seems like the type who would love to listen and absorb, to pass the minutes hearing about the hyperfixation of the moment. Your students, math, dice sets- I don’t believe this man’s ever played a single session of a TTRPG in his life, but he’d try just because of the way your face lights up when you talk about it.

Song:

So, please, you must have faith in me/ There's no place, I'd rather be than home with you/ Where all is safe and warm/ But now I need to fight this storm

I’ve obviously got to plug my favorite Russian-singing boy. What can I say? Rybak is a dreamboat, and 5 to 7 can work really well for Anton missing you while he’s sequestered away at ETS. (Ignore the sad bit. Don’t listen to the third verse, or do! Maybe you’re an angst with a happy ending kind of babe.)

Runner-Ups:

Gavin, I like for you because I think he would be immensely charmed by the ADHD, nerd energy. Like with Lasko, there’d be so many teaching double entendres. Guy, I also like because he strikes me as a TTRPG kind of guy. He’d love actual play podcasts and series, and his chaotic energy would be great for improv if he actually played.

Note: oh my love you don’t need to tell me who Brennan Lee Mulligan is I worship and serve at the altar of Adventuring Academy 💌

Want a match-up of your own? Read this post, and tell me about yourself! 💌

[edie-baby]

to have and to hold | juri vips

summary: Juri Vips was a bastard of a teammate. Mostly just because you were insanely in love with him and his flirtatious ways. Juri senses a change in your behaviour and when things begin going back to normal, Juri just fucks it up again. (Similar premise to the Mr & Mrs imagine with Liam, but different[?])

word count: 2894

warnings: swearing, still. i don't think i should have to put warnings about swearing anymore, it's basically a given.

Working with Juri Vips was a fucking trainwreck. There was no light way to put it, it was messy, it was painful, and yet you could never stop fucking staring at him. Being his teammate in F2 for the past year and a half, the two of you had gotten quite close, to the point where his family invited you on vacation with them when they were going, and you had joined them once, but realised about two hours in, that it was a thinly veiled attempt from literally his entire family to get the two of you together.

And while you were all for it, being forced to spend so much time with Juri, while he was shirtless nonetheless, was a literal dream come true, it was also incredibly painful for you to stop from pouncing on him at any given moment. Because as much as his family thought there was something between you, it was purely Juri’s charisma and character to be almost constantly flirting with you.

You remember the first time the two of you, a few other F2 drivers had come along as well, had gone to the beach and he had seen you bust out the bikini you knew made you look like a hot piece, he hadn’t shut up about it, or you, for weeks afterwards.

“Well look at you, little miss supermodel. I would have thought you’d be walking catwalks with legs like that, not pushing pedals like the rest of us. God, you look like you just stepped out of my dreams and onto this beach. If you keep looking like that, I think I might have a problem to deal with later in the shower.” He had hollered, and many of the guys around you either joined in or had nothing to say but gawk. Juri’s comments had cemented themselves in your brain however, calling back upon them whenever you felt less than top dollar, which you had to admit was becoming more often in recent months.

Juri had noticed your slowly waning confidence, of course he had. His gorgeous view of you in crop tops, little skirts, and tight shorts had turned into oversized shorts, hoodies, and ill-fitting jeans. All of which still made you the most beautiful girl in the world, but there was something missing from your aura, a general happiness that had been lacking since the new season started a few months ago. In the entire time Juri had known you, you were never one to listen to other’s opinions of you, whether they be good or bad, the only people you had ever listened to and taken words to heart from were himself, your parents, and your boyfriend.

Somehow in the span of about three minutes, Juri had tracked the four most likely culprits of your diminished ego. He knew he hadn’t said anything harmful or damaging to you since the season began, as many of your conversations had revolved around racing, other drivers in the paddock, or your family. Your parents, he was confident in, he had met them many times before, and they were always genuinely warm and welcoming, he supposed there might have been another side to them, though he believed he would have picked up on it by now. Which leaves only your boyfriend, whom Juri had zero confidence in.

Tye was nice, almost disgustingly so, but he was also much too proud of being nice for it to be genuine. He would open car doors for you, give you flowers every few months, and once bought you a necklace with a pendant of his name. But you would never forget that he did those things for you, because as soon as you would mention something relatively negative, those few acts of kindness were shoved down your throat.

Juri, of course, was not privy to that information. All he knew was that Tye’s possessive behaviour and complete lack of care for your wishes meant that there was something beneath the surface Juri was sure was the reason for your confidence, or lack thereof.

So when you came into work one day, to continue shooting some videos for the YouTube channel, wearing a gorgeously fitted pair of jeans, and a halter-neck singlet, Juri knew something was afoot. Also notable was your lack of gold necklace and your beaming smile toward the Estonian.

“You gonna keep staring like that, or do you want to take a photo?” You asked, your voice holding the teasing lilt Juri had missed in the past weeks. Without breaking his gaze from your body, Juri reached into the pocket of his shorts, his hand retrieving his phone and taking a photo of you standing there, tight clothes and bright smile in all its glory. He smirked when he saw your barely concealed smile.

“You’re in a much better mood than usual. What happened?” Juri couldn’t help but ask, the drastic shift in your mood was more than intriguing to him. Your smile widened, taking the last few steps toward his position in a chair behind the large conference table.

“I lost 80 kilos last night.” You whispered, leaning in closer to Juri, the glint in your eyes, the proximity and the tone were all so familiar to him that he couldn’t help but meet you halfway, barely three inches between your faces as the words processed in his mind.

Juri glanced down at your body confusedly, trying to figure out where exactly the 80kg had disappeared from. Then, the pieces began clicking into place. The lack of gold necklace, the tighter clothes, the glowing smile, none of which would have been staring Juri in the face if Tye had a say.

“You dumped Tye?” Juri questioned, his eyes lighting up, his raise in volume betraying just how excited he was for you, and himself. You nodded, eyes softening as you watched the pure joy cross Juri’s face. Him being happy was something that always warmed your heart, but Juri being happy about you finally being happy? You were sure your knees were about to buckle.

“I’m glad. I can have you all to myself now.” Juri grumbled, reaching for your hands that were braced against the arms of his chair. With a sharp tug, your balance was offset, and your body was tumbling toward Juri’s. You landed with a giggle in Juri’s lap, his own laughter joining yours and the two of you simply enjoyed each other’s presence after having an intangible wall built between you during your relationship with Tye.

Juri couldn’t hold a taken woman like he loved her, not when that taken woman wasn’t his to hold. And you, how could you revel in the feel of man’s touch that was anyone’s but the man you supposedly loved. You couldn’t break out in goosebumps, or have a shiver roll down your spine when you felt the familiar pressure of his calloused fingertips pressing into the skin of your back, desperate to keep you close. You weren’t allowed to sigh in content when you felt the warmth of his body seep into your skin, or whimper when his hot breath rolled over the skin of your neck.

But now you could. Now, without the moral implications of enjoying another man, you could sink into this all-consuming feeling you have when Juri is near.

“Morning you two. We’ve got a video to film in the garage if you want to follow me?” The social media manager, Georgina,  a lovely woman in her 40s whom you always went to for advice and style tips, poked her head into the room you and Juri were tangled in, a cheeky smile on her face when she spotted the somewhat compromising position. A blush fell heavy on your cheeks, and you were quick to try and scramble away from Juri.

He had other ideas though. When Juri began moving, you clutched onto him for dear life, terrified of falling to the ground even though it was only about two feet. Your arms circled around his neck, your legs fully wrapping around his hips from where you were straddling him on the chair. His large hands came to rest on the underside of your thighs, hoisting you up higher on his body. Your legs clenched around his middle, the feel of his fingers pushing into the soft skin of your legs was electrifying, and you were sure if you didn’t have a video to film, you would have been telling the Estonian to find an unoccupied office to take what he needed from you.

But alas, you had a job to do. So, still wrapped around Juri like a vice, he carried you through the Hitech office, nodding to other staff you passed, and occasionally nuzzling his nose into your neck to get a good whiff of your perfume. Juri had said multiple times the scent was intoxicating and could bring any man to his knees. You may have gone out and bought an extra bottle to ensure you never ran out after that.

After a few minutes, you stepped into the garage with Juri, well, he stepped in you just kind of floated in. The scent of grease, rubber and a slight hint of fuel invaded your nostrils, and you sighed in content. Juri chuckled at your actions, he always loved watching you step into a garage, or out onto the pit lane to take in the smells of burnt rubber. You told him every time he laughed at you that it evoked a calm feeling within you, it was nostalgic, filled with happy memories from your childhood and the memories of races you shared with Juri on track.

���Alright lovebirds, can we get you in these chairs and we’ll start explaining while we finish getting set up.” Georgina stated, smiling fondly at the love between her two youngsters. Juri sat you down in one of the chairs sitting before the cameras, not leaving your side for long as he planted himself in his own chair and dragged you as close as possible.

Georgina explained the rules of the game, and the way you would be playing it, choosing you to sit in the background listening to music whilst Juri answered questions about you. First, they gave you a list of questions about yourself, asking to circle the correct answers and they would be compared to Juri’s during the game.

“Ok Juri, the first question. How old was Y/N when she started karting?” Georgina questioned. She watched you in the background closely to ensure you couldn’t hear anything, but you were blissfully unaware of everything around you, headphones in your ears, legs tucked up on the chair, scrolling through your phone with the occasional giggle escaping your lips. Each time Juri heard the angelic sound, he would turn to look at you with a look so soft it made the entire team’s heart swell.

“Uh, I think she was 10, I know she started late because she had to argue with her parents to let her do it with her brothers, and I think 10 is about the right age.” Juri answered, looking as though he was thinking quite hard about it. It had been a long time since the two of you discussed your start in karting, it was one of the first conversations you had together, and since then you hadn’t had to talk about generic teammate topics. Juri was proud that he remembered something seemingly insignificant from a year and a half ago, but supposed when it came to you he could never forget a thing.

“Alright, next question. What is Y/N’s biggest fear? Is it A, the ocean, B, goblins, or C, heights?” Juri’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he heard the second answer, trying to figure out why it was even an option in the first place. His eyes focused on one spot on the floor, his brain moving a mile a minute to analyse conversations he had with you.

“Well, we’ve been to the beach together a few times, and thinking back I don’t think she’s ever gotten into the water. So maybe the ocean, but she also said once when we were looking at a castle that she doesn’t like gargoyles, so goblins could be a thing. But she’s definitely not scared of heights. She’s gone skydiving, bungee jumping and climbed bridges and things like that. So I’m going to say the ocean. I feel like I would definitely know if she was scared of something like goblins.” Juri laughed, his eyes still glued to the spot on the floor, his thoughts flowing through his mouth with little consideration of how they could be interpreted.

“What is something Y/N never leaves the house with?” Georgina was hopeful for this question, she was sure it could be the catalyst for the two drivers to finally own up to their feelings after reading your answer. Juri listened to the multiple choice answers, but none of them sounded just right.

“So, the rings sound the closest, but sometimes she will wear lots, and other times only a few, and when she can’t wear them on her hands, she’ll thread it onto a necklace to wear under her race suit, or something so yeah, I’d say the rings.” Juri answered, turning to look at you behind him, wearing the exact ring he was talking about on the ring finger of your right hand.

“And what ring is the one she wears on her necklace?” Georgina probed, knowing the answer and just wanting to see the way Juri heated up when he talked about it.

“Uh, it’s a diamond ring that has a J engraved on the inside.” Juri answered, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. A smile broke out on your face as you watched Juri, his flustered state always made you giggle as he was such a confident and put-together person usually. As a habit, you began spinning the ring on your right hand around, feeling the shape of the diamonds and knowing the initial carved into the inside was a claim over you.

“Do you know where she got it?” Georgina asked. She was getting frustrated, Juri was much more calm about revealing the intimacy of the ring than she had hoped.

“I gave it to her. About a year ago, and then she gave me a necklace with an (your initial) on it. I wear it every day, and it’s the only piece of jewellery I wear while I drive.” Juri answered, his fingers reaching up to toy with the thin gold chain hidden beneath his shirt. He looked over his shoulder at you, spotting the spinning ring immediately and smiling at you.

You looked up at him, a dazed look as you stared at the gorgeous man in front of you. He could see the stars in your eyes, staring at him as though he hung the moon, and if he was honest with himself, if you asked, he would. There was nothing you could ask of him that would be too much, even if you didn’t ask, he would do everything for you. No one had ever held this power over him, he wasn’t even sure it would feel this good if it were anyone else, but you just did something to him. You unlocked a part of him he didn’t know existed.

You were just, everything. To him. You were everything he ever wanted, ever needed, even everything he didn’t know he needed. You opened him up, poured sunshine into his life in the form of your smile, happiness penetrated his bones because of your laugh. He didn’t want to lose that again, didn’t want to lose you to another man. He needed you, and he needed you now.

It was like slow motion, the way Juri surged out of his chair toward you, his hands cupping your jaw roughly as he guided you to your feet. The laptop on the ground pulled the earphones from your ears, your phone clattering to the floor in your surprise. Your hands reached up to fist in his shirts, not wanting to lose this proximity. You had him in your grasp and you’d be damned if you ever let him go again.

Juri pressed his lips to yours, as soft and warm as you’d imagined them so many times before. You kissed him back with ferocity, the eighteen months worth of emotion poured into a kiss to communicate your feelings in a way that didn’t need words. He kissed back just as fiercely, his hands holding your face still to allow him to do exactly what he needed. You were pliable to his every demand, putty in his hands. Juri had always had this effect on you, every fleeting touch or brush of a hand on your waist made your knees weak and your stomach flutter with the force of a thousand butterflies.

Juri pulled away, barely a breath between your lips as he panted slightly. Your eyes were trained on his lips, the fullness of his bottom lip, the redness from your assault on them making them look all the more kissable.

“So, how about we switch that ring to the other hand and really make this a Mr & Mrs video?”

[neonacity]

HYACINTHE | CHAPTER 4: JAEMIN X READER

SUMMARY: 

Na Jaemin is far from being your typical 20 year old. Instead of slaving through college, he wastes away his hours cracking safes. Weekends that should be spent partying with friends consist of illegal races on good days and small scale bombings on bad ones. 

Na Jaemin is far from being average, unless you consider being a member of Seoul’s top organized crime family normal. There is no such thing as a sense of normality and peace in his trainwreck of a life, so when he met a barista who was brave enough to call out his dangerous taste in coffee, he was like a moth to the flame. Everything about her is normal, which means she is forbidden to him, in all sense of the word. So why, then, does he always find himself at the front steps of her shop, breaking all his personal rules even if he wishes he could stay away?

A/N + Disclaimer: this is a side story to Black Daisies, my main mafia fic feat. 0T23. While the plot is based on the main story, this can also be read as a standalone fic. As usual, this is purely a work of fiction and in no way am I implying any member of NCT to behave the way I write them here. 

TW: crimes, heists, potential death, mentions of drugs and other illegal activities.

PAIRING: Jaemin x Reader 

CHAPTER 1 / CHAPTER 2 / CHAPTER 3 / 

FIC TRAILER

MASTERLIST

"Hi. Can I have one iced americano, no sugar, with an espresso shot, please?" 

��My hands froze and hovered momentarily on the drink I was preparing as I heard a male voice say that from the counter. I didn't turn around to check who it was, but my boss—who is currently helping me man the cafe today—was quick enough to dash the pit-pattering of my chest. He hooked the order slip on the board in front of me and my eyes immediately raised to read the name there. 

"One to-go, americano for Youngho." 

I sighed internally. Whether it be from relief or disappointment though, I don't really know. A part of me wanted to be in denial of my emotions, but I realized you can only go so far if the person you are trying to fool is just yourself. 

It's been almost three months since that night that I last saw Jaemin. I wish I didn't know the exact number of days that passed since then, but I do and I couldn't help it. Every little detail of what happened was still marked fresh in my mind, especially the feeling of hollowness that exploded in my chest when I woke up that morning to see them gone.

If not for the chip on the edge of the table left by Jeno as he tried to hold a half delirious Haechan down that night, I could have easily brushed off everything as a fleeting dream. But it isn't. It is a nightmare, at least in my part. 

He really meant it when he said he would leave me alone. 

There were no calls, no messages, no visits, nothing. It was like he didn't exist at all, the past year spent with him nothing but an imagined illusion. 

We were back to being strangers again, exactly like how he wants to. If you think about it, it's selfless of him to do this, but I hate it. I hate it with everything I have. 

Why? Because now I have to live through the feeling that I'm the only one suffering from all of that has happened. I couldn't watch the news anymore without thinking about him. For heaven's sake, I couldn't even get an iced coffee order without freezing like a statue because I remember him. I hate it. I hate every single moment without him, as much as I didn't want to admit it.

I placed the plastic cover over the finished drink with a soft sigh before turning to hand it over to the customer. At least I can still manage to put out my well-practiced, service smile. 

"Iced Americano for Youngho," I called out into the receiving area as I slipped a straw on the cup sleeve. A tall man looked up and walked over to me to receive it. 

"Thank you for coming to Brick and Beans. I hope you visit us again soon," I said in autopilot, my words so well-rehearsed that I didn't even have to think through while delivering them. The customer smiled at me before giving me a wink.

"I sure will. Thanks for this, sweet cheeks." He turned and left the shop, leaving me slightly confused. 

My attention was then called by my boss who had just finished wiping down the counter. The man—who really has been more of a father figure than an employer for me—gave me a warm smile and motioned me over. 

"Can we talk? I have something to tell you." 

I briefly glanced at the clock. It isn't my break time yet, but the store is empty so I guess it will be fine. I shrugged. 

"Sure."

"Grab a cake for you and me while you're at it," he nodded towards the pastry fridge before walking towards the nearest empty table. I wordlessly took two slices of basque cheesecake, his favorite, before following him. The man has a mean sweet tooth and we both know it.

He was silent for a little bit as he took the fork to take a bite of his treat. I waited patiently for him to speak, hands politely folded over my lap.

"I'm going to sell the cafe." 

I blinked and stared. I wasn't expecting that at all. 

"You're… what?" 

He sighed and leaned back against his seat. He looked a little sad over what he just said but he managed to offer me a small smile.

"I'm getting older. You know how much I love this place because I started it with my late wife, but I really can't continue to manage it anymore. My children, unfortunately, do not have any plans of continuing the business. And they've been asking me to retire, too." 

I nodded slowly, taking the news bit by bit. 

"Do you already have a buyer, ahjussi?" 

"I do. It is kind of strange, actually. Someone offered to buy off the franchise at such a perfect time. And for a very good price, too." 

That made me smile. I've had this job ever since I started college so it makes me a little sad that it's going to have a new owner, but I really am happy for him. I just hope whoever buys it off takes care of it really well. The old man loves this place to bits. 

I felt him take a hold of my hands from across the table. I looked up and was met with a fatherly smile. 

"Don't worry. You won't lose your job. The new owners said that they aren't planning to change anything here and I told them that they had to take you with them." 

That made me almost want to burst into tears. I squeezed his hand back in return. 

"Ahjussi... You didn't have to do that. I can always look for another job." Who am I kidding? I know it will be hard for me to land another sideline especially with all the financial hiccups I am already dealing with so this is really sending me over to the edge of tears. 

"Nonsense. You are part of this business. You've done so much for this place so you deserve this. Don't worry, they said yes to my condition." 

I gave his hands another squeeze and he answered back with a fatherly pat. 

"Thank you…" 

"You're welcome. Just promise me, when you become a doctor, you'll give me free checkups, okay?" 

"No, I won't. Because you will always be healthy and won't need my help at all," I said with a wrinkle of my nose. 

That sent the two of us laughing. 

"When will the new owners take over?"

"By the end of the month," my eyes rounded with surprise and he nodded in understanding. "I know, I know. It really happened too fast. I can't turn down the offer though. To be honest it was way beyond what the business is worth." 

I sighed. "Well… as long as you are sure about them." 

"I am. For now, I'll be here for a bit with you. I just need to enjoy my last days here. So just don't mind your old man, okay?" 

I grinned. 

"Only if you promise to give me a free cake every day you are here." 

He reached out to ruffle my hair. 

"Deal."

----

It was a slow day at the cafe so my boss decided to turn down the jazz music that usually floats from the speakers in lieu of the television volume. It was an odd hour in the afternoon and I found myself smiling as I watched him flip the channels over to look for a good show to watch while I dried some mugs. Just then, the overhead bell on the door dinged, welcoming with it a pair of uni-looking kids. 

My boss looked over, but I was quick to jump to action instead. "I'll take care of it," I mouthed to him, to which he gave me a smile before turning his attention back to what he was doing.

"Hi. Welcome to Brick and Beans. What can I offer you today?"

"We'll have one dirty chai latte and one irish coffee over ice. Make it to go. " 

The couple offered their names and I nodded as I punched their orders on my POS. "Would you like some pastries to go with that?"

"No, that's all."

"Got it, you can wait over there to the side. I'll have your drinks with you shortly," I said with a smile. The girl pulled the boy over into the receiving area to continue their conversation. 

"So what I'm saying is, we gotta go. Tonight is going to be epic. The bets will be high for sure. We can get some mean cash if we put it in the right car." 

The other gave a soft snort and started drumming his fingers against the wood of the counter. I let their conversation act as white noise while I worked behind the bar.

"I don't know. You're not even sure who is going to be there." 

"Jeno is in the line-up. That at least is confirmed."

I dropped the metal scooper I was using on the floor with a resounding clang. 

The three others in the room looked over to me as I hurriedly picked it up with shaking hands. I gave all parties a sheepish look before turning on my back to continue what I was doing. 

This time, I was full-on listening. 

"If Jeno's going to be there, then it is a goner. There's no chance for others. It'll be full-on suicide," the boy said thoughtfully. The girl, however, shrugged in reply. 

"They said the others might come, too. You know, to make the run a little bit more balanced," she offered. 

"You mean the seven?"

"The Four, at least."

"Oh shit."

"Uh-huh. So I'm telling you, we gotta be there man. If we can't bet then fine, but we have to see it. It’s been ages since they actually went on lane." 

I didn't really know how I managed to finish what I was doing, not with how hard my heart was beating in my chest. I'm not sure how many Jeno's there are in this part of town, but I am sure as hell that there is only one who is a member of a seven-piece 'group.' 

"Here's your order," I said thinly as I pushed the finished drinks over to them by the counter. The boy offered his card and I took it quickly, all the while thinking of what I should do next. The few seconds of me typing away at the terminal was the longest quarter minute of my life.

"Here's your receipt. Thank you for coming and see us again," I said, my voice a little weaker than usual. The couple gave a quick bow before turning to leave, drinks in hand. 

There are two ways this could go. I could let them out of that door and have my only possible chance of getting in contact with any of the boys leave with them. Or I could call after them and…

I whipped around to call out to my boss, my figure already halfway out from the bar. 

"Ahjussi, I'll be back in five minutes, sorry. I promise I'll be quick!"

He had barely looked up when I started running out the door.

-----

"Excuse me!" 

The duo looked back at me, then at each other in confusion as I tried my best to hurry up to them without landing on my face. God, why do they walk so fast? They were just a few seconds ahead when they left the shop! Thankfully, they stopped at my call, giving me a chance to skid before them as I tried to catch my breath.

"Um… Is there a problem? We paid, right?" The boy asked me with an odd look. I waved my hand before finally trying to answer. 

"Yes. I uh—"

Well, I obviously didn't plan this out clearly. How do I say this now without sounding like a lunatic? 

"I heard your conversation earlier. You were talking about Jeno."

The pair exchanged glances again, this time tinged with suspicion. It was the girl who answered this time. 

"Yes, we were. What about it?" 

"I… I just want—to maybe know where he is? You were talking about tonight's—"

"The drag race?"

I stopped for half a heartbeat before nodding. 

"Yeah. The race. I wanted to come, too, but I don't really know the address." 

The boy cocked his brow at me in blatant suspicion. It took all of me to pull out all the basics I learned from drama class back in high school to remain calm before his withering glare. 

"You know Jeno but don't know the address? That doesn't make any sense," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. "If you've been in one before you should have been included in the text blast."

Oh shit. 

I could feel my palms growing cold from nervousness. Still, I tried pushing on. 

"W-well, I was invited before by one of them. But then things fell apart and I started not getting any of the...texts anymore," I said, not having the slightest idea of what I am saying myself. What's ironic though was that what I just blurted out was sort of a half-truth, too.

Apparently—and miraculously—it also made sense by the look of understanding that dawned on their faces. 

"I see…" the girl trailed off. She cleared her throat and looked at her friend before glancing at me again. 

"Look, I can give you the address, but promise me that you never got it from me when someone asks, okay?" She asked. The boy looked at her incredulously.

"Are you crazy? She was already shadow banned!"

She shushed him and waved her hand off to shut him up. "Look, this is a girl thing. Don't mess with it. Just go ahead to the car, I'll take care of it." 

He scoffed but stalked off towards the direction of the parking lot. 

She turned towards me again and pulled her phone from the pocket of her leather jacket. I watched as she unlocked the screen before showing it to me. 

"Do you have your phone with ya? Here, take a photo of this address." 

I swear I could almost kiss her. I scrambled to get my phone from my back pocket and didn't waste another second to take a snap of her screen.

"Thank you so much." 

She nodded in understanding before locking her phone again and shoving it into her pocket. "Hey, a girl's gotta stand up for another. Who was it? Was it Haechan?" 

"Um…" 

She didn't wait for me to finish. 

"Really, whoever it is among them, I can't really blame you. They're all cute, but they do need to be taken down a notch when it comes to girls. Those boys," she tsked. "Dangerous." 

Oh…

Oh. She thought I was an ex-fling who wanted to teach one of them a lesson by crashing the race. I let that sink in before a frown settled on my features. 

Well, aren't you one? The devil on my shoulder cackled at me sardonically. 

"Glad to have helped though. But remember, you didn't get it from me, okay?"

With a wink, she strutted off, leaving me staring at her retreating form. 

----

I told myself I simply wanted to see him again. 

I reminded myself that for the hundredth time tonight as I parked my car on a free space by a gravel road, my eyes roaming the darkness beyond. The place looked deserted, and I had to do one last check if I really put in the right coordinates on my map before finally turning off my engine. The road beyond was wide but uncemented and to its left is a half unfinished building with metal banisters reaching out to the sky like skeletal arms. I swallowed. Every little thing about the space beyond screams danger.

Which probably means I am in the right place. 

I reached out to zip up my jacket and pulled the hoodie over my head before getting out of my car. My sneakers crunched on the gravel as I made my way towards a low wall circling the building beyond. 

Just try and take a look. You don't have to talk to him. You can keep your distance. 

I repeated that in my head again and again as I approached what I assume to be the entrance. A part of me still wants to berate myself for doing this but I am too far gone to try and play the denial game again. I want, no, I need to see Jaemin's world.

The moment I passed through a crack on the wall, it felt like I stepped into a different world. It opened up into an even wider area, the shadows of a multi-lane road behind the abandoned building beyond. Milling around is a throng of people, some smoking, others sipping on red cups on their hands. Some cars were parked against the wall I just passed, their headlights on with music booming out of their rolled down windows. 

I tried to swallow the lump on my throat as I looked around. Already, I felt out of place in the crowd, but I steeled myself to push on, my hands digging deeper into the pockets of my jacket.

"Hey." 

I looked up to see a boy around my age wave at me. He was also holding a red cup and what looked like a bundle of paper. My eyes widened as that came into focus when he got closer. 

Money. 

Wads and wads of cash. 

"You put your bets already?" He asked as he stuffed the bills into a small belt bag hidden beneath his oversized shirt. He pulled his phone out then, unlocked the screen, and looked at me, waiting for an answer. 

"Uh…" 

He gave me an odd look.

"Who are you betting on?" He asked again. 

I gave the first name I could only think of. 

"Ja-Jaemin," I stuttered.

That earned me a low whistle from him as he typed away at his phone, probably to record my choice of 'player.' "I don't know, man. Dude seems pretty out of it lately, but whatever floats your boat." He stuck out his hand to me then, and it took me a few seconds to realize what he was asking for. 

"Oh," I scrambled to grab my purse. I was in the middle of pulling my card from my wallet when I saw his face. Slowly, I put it back to reach out for bills instead. 

"Cash only." 

I sheepishly handed him the last few hundreds I have. He took them, expertly flipping through each bill to count them off. 

"First time, eh?" 

I nodded. 

I watched as he slipped the money into his already overflowing belt bag, thinking that he would leave after that. Instead he nudged his head towards the direction of the building and motioned me along. 

"Come on then. At least try and get a good look at your first race." 

I blinked in confusion but ran after him as he started walking away. 

We stopped at the front row of the half ring of people that had already gathered in front of the abandoned rafters. Just then, a huge spotlight shone over the road behind it, driving everyone to erupt in cheers. Parked in a single line at the foot of the road are five cars, headlights opening one by one.

"Jaemin's the yellow one," the boy nodded towards the one occupying the third lane. I stared. I know next to nothing about cars, but I know enough to be sure that none of the ones in front of me now are something you can buy from your run-of-the-mill auto dealer. Lowered, with shining reams, and a low motor hum that reverberated to where I was standing, I could only briefly compute in my head how much each of those customized rides must have cost. 

I heard the boy beside me snort amusedly. "Your first race and you get to see this. I'm telling you, this happens once in a blue moon," he said with a smirk. I didn't say anything, my gaze never leaving the yellow car. 

Slowly though, I noticed the crowd's noise die down dramatically the same time that a petite form walked out from the building. The woman stopped in the middle of the road and raised her hand into the night sky, a small pistol in her grasp.

Everyone has gone so quiet now that you could almost hear a needle dropping. Just then, the resounding bang of a gunshot pierced the air. Few other large spotlights turned on simultaneously, revealing the snaking road ahead that was disguised under the darkness earlier. I gasped. The roaring sound of engines blared beyond and with a new uproar from the crowd, the cars were speeding ahead, leaving trails of light in their wake. 

My heart was beating so hard against my chest as I tried my best to follow the speeding cars ahead. I was only able to comprehend the real expanse of the road the moment each ride took over its lanes—the place looked more like an abandoned air dock field more than anything else. I was barely aware of my nails digging on the palms of my hands as my eyes switched from Jaemin’s car and the others, particularly on the deep red one that he was currently toe in toe with. The space between the two were a hair’s breadth away and I could almost swear their sides would collide any second. 

That went on until a curve on the road appeared. It was the last turn before the finish line and the crowd turned wilder as the nose of each car tried its best to take the lead. I didn’t even realize that I was holding my breath until the last second when the yellow one took over the inner space of the road before swerving successfully ahead.

Everyone around me erupted in cheers. I gave my own gasp, hands covering my lips before joining the rest.

Jaemin’s yellow lambo parked on the finish line, the rest of the race participants trailing behind. I watched as his door opened, revealing his beautiful wide grin and tousled hair. He was glowing, cheeks flushed from the adrenaline. I was so caught up in the image that I barely noticed Jeno appearing from the red car, followed by Renjun, Mark, and Haechan from the other rides. 

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I watched with a smile as they huddled over Jaemin, playfully pushing and cajoling him for his win. They looked happy, carefree.

But it seems like they aren’t the only ones who were out there in the road. My gaze moved back to Jaemin's car when I saw his passenger seat open. As if in slow motion, a girl got out of it, wearing the same wide smile the others have. The group hooted at her as she joined their huddle. 

That’s when I felt as if time has stopped.  

The smile on my face slowly faded as I watched Jaemin wrap his arms around her before pulling her into a tight hug. 

---

A/N: Hey guys! This is going to be the second to the last chapter of Jaemin’s side story! I originally wanted to finish it in one go, but I thought it would be nice to release the epilogue on Nana’s birthday! So yes, that’ll be out on the 13th, lol. Thank you so much to those who have continued reading this side fic! <3

Chapter 5 (END)

Taglist: @negincho​, @springdaybreaks​, 

[lol-jackles]

What’s your take on self promotion? Some entertainers/artists/writers etc. do it and it seems fine. Then there are other times it feels sort of sleazy and manipulative. This obviously is just my personal observation but I’d love to know what you think. Where do you think the line is, if there really is one?

There is a place and time for self promotion. IMO everybody needs to do it at some points in their lives, but some are better at it than others.

Imagine two people.

Person A promotes his channel when people are asking if anyone does things that Person A happens to do. He also occasionally post links to his informative work to places that could make use of that nformation.

Person B leaves a link in his wake where ever he goes.

Pop quiz, who do you like better?  Yeah I thought so.

When you're self promoting it should be substance over style. Or at least substance with some stylistic flair over just style.

Let’s take a trip down memory railroad lane of my favorite trainwreck.  The year is 2016 and Valentine Day is right around the corner....

Misha: Hey kids Jensen and I are launching YANA! And click the link below.

Fandom: Cool, so what is YANA?

Jensen:  *puts his head on Misha’s shoulders* There’s a link below!

Fandom: But what is YANA about?

*Literally 20 minutes later*

Jensen and Misha: Did you know there is a link be....

Frustrated Fandom: Fuck you.  Where’s Jared?

*24 hours later Jared explained what YANA is about on his Facebook even though he's not part of the YANA campaign*

Fandom: Thanks, that only took 2 minutes. *uneasy side glance*  Oh boy.....

See, the YANA launch promotion had no substance and why it went over as well as a bad dad joke.  The remaining 4 YANA videos were just as hilarious that SuperWiki had to claim they were satirical on purpose (x). Yeah, sure they were.

[woonietune]

Calling your attention to fandom contributions by my fandom wife thememoryofthatday. She's been regularly posting episode summaries of Warrior Baek Dong-soo every Sunday on Archive of Our Own. Not your ordinary summaries--they are full of wit and charm and historical links and behind the scenes info; they call out all plot holes like Swiss cheese in the script and poke fun at characters while maintaining a total adoration for (most of) them and the glory that is the Dong-soo/Woon ship (and others). Memory is a history nerd and will zero in on sageuk crazy errors, but she’s also caught some storyline inconsistencies I’d never noticed in all my years of fangirling and ficcing for this drama (Hong-do can teleport! Dong-soo rides a horse that flies through time and space!) The comment section is full of rambly, fun meta (and alternate Gwang-taek thirsting/bashing, relentless jokes about Chun’s alcoholism, the size of Dong-soo’s dong, and a decidedly WHY CAN’T THE GIRLS FIGHT MORE pissiness). 

Each ep summary includes 1) a 60 sec recap 2) a long-ass recap 3) beautiful screencaps and gifs 4) funny captions 5) tally of body count, awards for dumbest moment, most romantic moment, etc... 6) Clips from the official SBS YouTube channel. QUITE THE GIFT TO FANDOM. Since I kinda hate the show (really), I’m using this episode guide instead of the show as my major source material for fics in the future, so I don’t have to fast forward through so many scenes that are yuck, boring, or downright triggery for me (ohhhhhhh, wait until you see what Memory has planned for that trainwreck of ep 29 and... um... an all new interactive ep 30!)

Recently, Memory covered covered the famous jailhouse scene in EPISODE NINETEEN HERE. Go look.

Also, Memory is at work on a longfic that I’ve been telling everyone will be the best the fandom’s seen. Just you wait. It’s characterization of Woon is so razor-sharp, true to canon, wonderfully imaginative yet fair to the “what if” of a very believable canon divergence.

In the meantime, enjoy the latest in her Under the Sun series. From the viewpoint of Gak the royal guard, this is just a wonderful short piece that makes sense and saves Woon (YES, LET’S SAVE WOON--I Iove stories that save Woon) in a way that honors canon. I beta-ed this fic, but I still haven’t put my mind together as to what to say about it in the comment section because it’s just such a beautiful piece I have to measure my words. At the very least it’s tiny scene with Yi San has inspired my next fic (and yet again postponed another chapter to my WIP).

Sunrise

thememoryofthatday

Summary:

(Sequel to Second Favorite.)

Baek Dong-soo wasn’t the only one with Yeo Woon in the wheat field... nor is he the only person on Woon’s side. A companion piece to After Sunset with a much happier ending.

Notes:

For Tepid_T.

If Warrior Baek Dong-soo is new to you, you may want to start by reading my guide for fandom-blind readers.

Many months ago, I wrote a story that I still hate called After Sunset. It’s a short piece about the aftermath of Woon’s canon death, as told from Gak’s POV. Ever since I posted that story, I have been promising to rewrite it with a happier ending - which obviously means Woon has to live.

So this is the rewrite I’ve been promising for the better part of a year. I’m sorry it took so long.

This story falls into the Under the Sun series and overlaps with the events at the end of my first WBDS story, Shadows of What Would Have Been. If you haven’t read that story, this one should still make sense, but that longer story provides more details about why Woon survived, as well as some of the conversations that you don’t get to see here. Because this is an alternate version of After Sunset, some of the dialogue and events are the same as in that story. Self-plagiarism is fine, right?

Thank you to my lovely beta shalomdebbie for fixing all of my errors and convincing me not to delete most of the things I write.

Finally, this story is dedicated to Tepid_T, whose first experience of this fandom was that cursed canon-compliant story I mentioned above, and who loves Sang Gak so much that she wrote him a fabulous porn story that everyone needs to read: The Threat to Hanyang.

Tepid, you are a marvelous writer and an even more marvelous person. I’m so happy we met, and I can’t wait to see what you do next.

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

Do you still have your Kate's Buttons sideblog?

Yes, but it’s dormant. I want to do a “Rise of the Middletons” deep dive at some point. The Fashion History YouTube Channel did this video on Diana’s Sloane years and it got me to thinking about how it must have influenced Carole (who was famously Di-oriented).

When Kate showed up I just kind of accepted that her mom had engineered it so her girls would belong to this social circle. It just seemed like the way things worked in the UK.

Now, however, I’m reconsidering. Maybe it’s the Meghan trainwreck or the fact that Harry never found anyone, but now I’m thinking that the feat Carole pulled as actually insanely freaking hard. And yet she managed it.

In America you can spend crazy money sending your kids to the right schools and colleges and not have a chance at placing them into the inner circles. I never tried to go for that golden ring (special needs kids!), but I have friends who did in LA/NY/DC. Now that our kids are graduating they are tallying up their private school (and sports club, summer school, country club, etc...) fees and feeling like it very much wasn’t worth it, at least for the kids. For the parents it was often a good investment because they got to make connections. The kids, not so much. They all have nice upper middle class friends and are aiming for big State schools, not bad but not significantly “better” (in social climbing terms) than public school kids like mine. Maybe the jury is still out and it will be worth it in the long run.

And Carole didn’t even have that much money. Yes, the business did well and the school fees were paid, but there were blogs devoted to tallying up the Middleton “fortune” and it wasn’t that big. The palace pr created ���royal connections” for them but they were that much. Kate and Pippa are smart, but they aren’t prodigies by any means. They are pretty, but it’s a very girl-next-door prettiness. Nice bodies, but far short of perfection.

So I’m totally fascinated by Carole and Kate’s early years now. It can’t be easier to social climb in the UK than in the US, so was it easier back then? Was Carole just lucky? A genius? Was it just that she was truly committed to that “British gentry” aesthetic and it somehow paid off? I think they added a bit of an “edge” to the sloaney aesthetic and that probably had something to do with it, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. 

It almost reminds me of those old stories where no one believes in the raggedy stuffed animal or toy soldier or Christmas ornament and it just languishes there, forgotten and lifeless. Then someone comes and falls in love with its tarnished magic and somehow through sheer force of belief and love brings it to life and it turns shiny and glorious. I feel like the Middletons fell in love with the dreary buffoonish British country gentry lifestyle (which was very unfashionable in the 90s as evidenced by Annabelle Neilson’s defection to modeling and the Primrose HIll set) and somehow loved it back into looking glamorous and aspirational. Even Sophie Rhys Jones wasn’t able to do that and she was a pr professional. Ditto Zara Tyndall and Mark Phillips.

And can it still be done? At the time the “Rise of the Middletons” inspired a whole slew of articles about how this “new class” was the future of the country, perhaps even the global economy. People like Carole were deemed ascendant.

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/sloanes-lose-their-place-in-society-to-the-polite-new-middleton-class-35tvbk9vjq0

https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a3476/how-kate-middleton-imploded-the-british-class-system-and-heralded-the-rise-of-a-brand-new-social-stratum/

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/kate-middleton/8391216/The-family-fortune-of-the-minted-Middletons.html

https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/london-life/kate-middleton-s-family-and-the-upper-middleton-the-traits-of-britain-s-newest-potentially-most-10231287.html

https://www.independent.ie/life/the-rise-of-the-middle-class-royals-30571154.html

However, they are now small potatoes. The finance gurus took over, then the international oligarchs and now the tech billionaires rule. 

Anyway, I’m babbling. Yes, I should spend more time in the Button Chronicles blog.

[rigelmejo]

Dude I was on the language learning forms as I do sometimes, and someone was lamenting the lack of Chinese content to immerse in (watch, read etc). And how it was hard to find and they didn’t have this problem with Japanese what should they do?

Well. 1. I get their frustration on one level, as I do think Japanese content is so much more mainstream to watch in English speaking countries (at least anime and Japanese video games), that trying to find content in a language where it’s harder to just find content right on Netflix or from a friends recommendation does bring up a new challenge. Whereas with Japanese, probably you could accidentally stumble onto it or have a friend recommend you something, then at least explore deeper with some idea of what you liked/where to start finding it.

However. The person also sort of thought the lack of content was due to Chinese just not having as much content or as interesting content. Again I’m going to assume their key issue was just - it can be a new challenge finding media if you have a harder time just starting.

Because lol?? Chinese has SO much content. Like as far as language content on the internet alone??? Chinese has been eons easier to find than Japanese for me, and in terms of sites I actually use regularly is much closer to my experience of English online (there’s so much Chinese content online... so much... an incredible amount... like in chinese I’ve even found free movie watching sites FOR shows in English - like the way I find sites in English to watch Chinese shows IN chinese lol! Like you can use English to search for Chinese stuff, and literally do the reverse to find English stuff, there is so much Chinese stuff... I found more stuff in Japanese using bilibili in chinese than I could find of Japanese using YouTube In English). And Chinese drama land is HUGE it feels as active as American television, so you have endless genres to dive into and companies and actors and writers etc (there is a distinct lack of sci fi though as far as I’ve seen, but to be fair america isn’t making a Ton of sci fi compared to like Detective shows either - it’s just English speaking sci fi has had some more good ones in recent years). There is no lack of Chinese content out there. There’s audiobooks, dramas, audio dramas, talk shows, radio, fanfiction, novels, fanart, manhua, sites to find other stuff, forums, weibo, search sites, just a lot?? Like, if you think Japanese has enough internet content then there is an adequate amount of Chinese content on the internet too lol. You just may have to do a touch more initial exploration.

I just. Thought the assumption “can’t find media means their media sucks” was funny. Because also? I have not found that to be true. I know very little about Thai media. I just happened upon SOTUS cause of a friend talking about it. So like someone watching anime conveniently - I got into it. It was good, so I dug, and found a lot of amazing Thai shows (and some I didn’t love cause lol genres all have a mix of quality depending on show etc). There IS a ton of amazing Thai shows that exist right now. But if all you ever found was SOTUS? While it was great when I saw it to me, once I found more I realized there was a LOT better stuff. So like if you see one cdrama on Netflix (if that’s how you first easily find the media), that does not mean all shows will be that quality or anything like them! And just cause it’s the first one you found doesn’t mean they’re all like that ones quality.

Like I had a similar experience with jdramas growing up, so I get it. I was into anime, saw some (trainwreck) live action adaptations. And as a teenage just blanket assumed all Japanese live action media was gonna be around that quality. And then in recent years, I checked out some Japanese live action media - to see if new stuff was better. YEAH IT SURE IS (and I would imagine some old stuff was great I just gave up after one not-wonderful one lol). SO MANY AMAZING jdramas exist now! Even the ones I most feared would not be great - live action adaptations of anime’s? They’re so much better now, some of them are genuinely loved in their own right as standalone live actions. So like. One not-great show experience is NOT representative of the entire plethora of shows available and their quality. Now that I’ve realized how MANY good jdramas I missed out on? I have so much catching up to do ToT

2. If you’re in this boat of “content seems hard to find, so I feel like there’s none or no good stuff” what to do?

First ask some friends for recommendations?

Check Netflix, Amazon, YouTube (YouTube has a ton of cdramas), Viki, iQiyi app. Like how some people get into anime, maybe you just need an easy conviennent show in your recommended to get into more content.

Check out rec channels on YouTube like Donghua Reviews and Avenue X to hear about some shows and figure out the kinds of ones you’d even want to check out (I imagine other languages also have review channels like for kdramas).

Go to MyDramaList.com. Search genres you like, read recommendation list posts. if you’ve seen a show at this point already you can look it up and see in the “Recommended” section what other dramas are like it, you can see it’s genre tags to see WHAT genres you even seem to like. Use this to start DIGGING and finding stuff you might really like. Since like with anime, you’re only going to find the most popular stuff at first just based on Netflix or friends (which might not match up to your personal tastes as well as finding stuff that Is more your favorite genres).

Try out new stuff. And if it sucks, you don’t like it? Drop it, learn that about yourself, start another new thing. You’ll figure out what you like and dislike pretty fast (like I personally hate bad pacing or bad writing specifically characterization, and I can notice when the specific things I love are gonna be in a show pretty fast).

Check out genres specific to that language’s media. Because if it’s new to you, you might not know if you even like it or not, and if you like it then which things you personally prefer in it (since even within a genre there will be wildly different content and feels). For Chinese this might be wuxia, xianxia, palace dramas, costume dramas, republican era dramas, tomb raiding dramas etc.

*That’s how it worked for me, SOTUS led me to the bl drama fans, eventually they recommended Guardian so bam I guess I was learning chinese, YouTube recced me more cdramas from there to continue with, and mydramalist.com helped me find other shows with actors I liked from guardian (and other bl related shows which led me to Go Princess Go of all things for the bi lead), and that site helped me find more genres and shows I’d like, as well as friends continuing to rec things. Didn’t take long to figure out what I liked, didn’t, and to start noticing what upcoming stuff I’d probably be excited for. And now there’s so much good stuff found I don’t have enough time lol.

As for non show media: use shows as the jump off point. Just like using “easy to find shows” can be used to break into finding more shows. Once you have a show you liked a lot - look up it it’s based on a book, if it has an audiobook, an audio drama, a manhua, a donghua. Chances are it DOES have some of this stuff, because cdramas do a PRETTY regular amount of the time. Often cdramas have all or nearly all of these other story types. So jump into those, then find more novels or audio drama or manhua etc by branching off from the one you liked to others like it. Novelupdates.com is good for doing this with novels (it has a recommendations section), I imagine manhua sites have rec lists too, ximalaya starts recommending stuff once you’ve listened to a few audio on it, etc. And if you get into fandoms of those x media types, those fans will start recommending more too. And again, even if you just stick to media related to shows you liked - so often shows have so MUCH related media that would definitely keep you busy. (Like I didnt wade into non-show connected novels until I looked up more novels as recommendations afte show-related novels, like MDZS and Guardian leading me to SVSSS and 2ha and Can Ci Pin which at the time had no show adaptations, and then eventually found just-novel rec lists - which is still the main way I find fanfic).

[dangermousie]

I sincerely hope Kamio Yoko is getting royalties for this drama but I doubt it.

Though unlike Jade Palace Lock Heart which is how to do period Hanadan well, this mess is how to do Hanadan badly.

I mean, I cheered when he got whaled on and was sad it ended too soon.

And few eps later:

You sweet talker, you!!! I bet you get ALL the girls!!!

The biggest problem with this drama is that it’s written by someone who’s read and watched all those tsundere/yandere ML web novels and dramas and decided to do their own without any understanding what makes them tick. This is, on paper, a scene straight out of Goodbye My Princess or The Wolf or The King’s Woman, all huge favorites of mine.

BUT!!! It all makes sense for characters and dynamics in those dramas. Here is tends to come out of nowhere and disappear out of nowhere. None of the main romances in those three dramas, for example, are in any way healthy. But they are fascinating to watch and are in character - consistent, developed and something you cannot look away from. Hell, take the original Hanadan manga (or its Japanese or Taiwanese adaptations) - same thing. Here this is fight/make-up number 317 with no progress or development, and the drama itself not addressing that this is fucked up and the characters moving on five minutes later like it hasn’t happened.

The only way it would ever be not a total trainwreck with writing this bad is if the actors and the chemistry carried off but they don’t. They can’t. Both Liang Jie and Joseph Zeng are good actors (much better than this piece of trash deserves) and they shine in the rare moments the script comes down from its meth induced high, but they do not have the vibe for this type of role. To me this is, casting-wise, like all those dramas that keep casting Dylan Wang, a guy born to play sweethearts, as a terrifying mofo - it just doesn’t work. Joseph Zeng won my heart in Heaven Sword 2019 but he is utterly incapable of channeling a Fei Wo Si Cun or Kamio Yoko hero. And that’s fine - he’s great at quiet, thoughtful, young, learning, grieving, whatever. A whole range of things that is NOT THIS ROLE!!! If you cast Chen Xing Xu or Darren Wang or Yuan Hong or someone like that only their younger version, maybe it would be better but they did not. And Liang Jie makes this character much more bearable than it would be otherwise but honestly unlike with ML where maybe a different vibe would help 15%, there is almost no help here no matter who they cast as FL. Maybe Yang Mi? Or someone else I would love just because I love them in anything?

And the chemistry is fine (impressively so for how awful the script is) but it’s not the kind of fire where I care about nothing but the promise of a make out.

I mean, in other dramas I eat up the below but here I am just excited about the slap.

Honestly, I just feel bad for the actors in this mess and want them to have a better drama soon (which LJ has with The Eternal Love 3, so now JZ needs something.)

[hongism]

wips tag!!!

EEEEE thank you for the tag babie @atiny-ahgase​ 🥺 this is about to be a hot mess bc i’ve got approximately 194873987598347985 ideas in this potato brain 🤧 i also don’t keep them in folders ; - ; but i have a discord channel dedicated to my wips so i’ll use that :p

Sekiro/Samurai Bodyguard AU - Bodyguard Samurai Seonghwa x Heiress Reader; Genre: Coworkers/Friends to Lovers

Witcher AU - Witcher Yunho x Assassin Reader, Genre: Friends to Lovers

Arranged Marriage/Royalty AU - Prince Yeosang x Princess Reader, Genre; Arranged Marriage AU/Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Zombie Apocalypse AU - Zombie Hunter Jongho x Survivor Reader; Genre; Strangers to Lovers

My Neighbor's a Vampire AU - Modern Vampire Hongjoong x Reader; Genre; Strangers to Lovers

Utopia Fairytale AU - Soldier Mingi x Fae Readerr; Genre; Enemies to Lovers

HP Lovecraft Mystery AU - Detective Wooyoung x Unwitting Helper Reader, Genre; Strangers to Lovers

Reincarnation Magic/Magic Users - Witch Hunter San x Witch Reader, Genre; Enemies to Lovers

Vampire/Bakery - Bakery Owner Vampire!Hyunjin x Customer Reader, Genre; Strangers to Lovers

Fae AU - Petrichor - Fae Yunho x Fox Hybrid Reader, synopsis; The first rain comes as Yunho does, and it leaves a pleasant scent that lingers in the back of your memories for a long time to come. or; Legends have always said that faeries are evil and cruel creatures. Your first encounter with one is anything but ordinary. - Genre; s2l, fantasy, hybrid au

Juramentum - pairing: witch!jongho x witch!reader - genre; e2l, smut, angst, fluff, fantasy - synopsis; idek anything yet

dial tone - skz smau - genre: life, college/university, smau - pairing: jisung x reader x minho - progress: profiles + chapter 1 done - synopsis: You're just trying to get through university relatively unscathed but your roommate's best friend is making your life a living hell while the cute dancer across the hall seems to get a kick out of seeing you flustered. aka; that one where jisung doesn't know what he's doing with his life, y/n wants to settle for a boring 9-5 job, and minho's parents won't accept what he wants to do with his life. - a hybrid smau + regular written chapters series

seongjoong reincarnation au - hongjoong is just trying to find peace with his constant reincarnation and end things as early as he can until one day he steps in front of park seonghwa's car and realizes what he's been missing in all his past lives (or maybe it’s been there the whole time)

vampire fantasy au (oneshot? series?) - yeosang x reader x seonghwa (poly) - genre: angst fluff smut - synopsis: idek anything

(another) skz smau - single dad bang christopher chan x reader who works at a flowershop + cafe job bc ~cliche~ along with best friend seungmin who works at the cafe with her - hybrid smau + regular chapters

drabble series - pairing; minho x reader x chan (poly au) - genre; angst smut fluff slice of life - synopsis; a series of drabbles revolving relationship idek twas a dream i had the other night and now i can't stop Thinking™️

idek title but one shot - pairing; god of death!seungmin x reader - genre; angst fluff fantasy smut??? - synopsis; throughout your life, you had several brushes with death. every time, the same person is there to meet you and you always talk your way out of it. you aren’t sure how long that luck can last.

mists of celeste teehee

colours of love teehee

contagion ((a ~mystery~))

god the way this is a TRAINWRECK!?!? oh lord anYWHO i’ll be tagging: @hobiglow @outroseokjin @psychedia @jinned @j-sope @luckyjisung

[noblest-roman-of-all]

abandon

i figured id try my hand at one of those inktober style writing prompt challenges, so here we go! first up: abandon

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When he was a kid, Remus had a family. He had a brother, a twin brother at that! They were pretty different, but Remus really didn’t care that much. They would spend hours coming up with crazy stories about dragons and zombies and knights and magic, playing in their room where they could make anything happen. They called it the Imagination, and it was their kingdom. They ruled it together, the prince and the duke, making their own world everyday, then taking it apart and putting new ones together. 

He always thought Roman was happy with the way they did things. Sure, sometimes they’d argue about things, but they always ended up making something awesome out of it. They had all they needed with the two of them and their Imagination. Roman clearly didn’t think that though. He kept spending more and more time with the other sides, Patton and Logan. He knew Patton didn’t like him. He never stopped smiling, unless he saw Remus. It never bothered him though, because he had his brother. Until one day. 

Roman came back from playing with Patton and Logan, but something was wrong. Remus tried to tell him about his new idea for the Imagination, but Roman told him to shut up. He started yelling about how Remus was bad, he was broken. He said lots of things, but Remus only remembered the last part. 

“You’re not my brother. You’re everything I can’t be, everything I can’t let happen to Thomas. You need to leave.”

Remus tried to go back to the Imagination, but the door wouldn’t open for him anymore. He stood outside the door for hours, trying everything he could to get the door open, but nothing worked. He had ideas in there! Stories, monsters, worlds he needed to finish building! Roman was in there! It seemed like forever passed before he heard someone behind him. 

“It’s no use. You’re not welcome there anymore,” the voice said. He didn’t need to turn around to know that voice. It was one of the ones they didn’t let Thomas hear, didn’t let him know about. One of the bad guys.  

“You’re lying,” Remus sneered. “That’s your whole thing. Roman wouldn’t…” 

“Abandon you? He already has.” The sharp voice suddenly turned soft, almost sad. “I… I can give you a place. A family, without him.” A hand landed on Remus’ shoulder. Well, they did think he was a bad guy now. Might as well play the role. He was good at that. 

“... where to?”

For a long time after that, Remus had a family. Janus and Virgil were just as strange as he was, just as intense and just as hated by the rest of the sides. It made sense for them all to stick together, to wreak a little havoc. Freaky nightmares, little lies that snowball into a trainwreck, the voice in Thomas’s mind reminding him just how quickly everything can go wrong. It was fun, like getting to play again. His Imagination was no longer contained and quelled by Roman, he was free. He got to suggest all manner of strange, creepy and downright dirty ideas, and sometimes, Thomas actually considered them. And to top it all off, he had friends, family who understood him. 

Well, he thought they both did. 

Virgil had been acting weird, even weirder than he normally did. He had agreed to jump into videos to really antagonize the “light sides”, finally given a platform other than the mindscape they normally existed in. It had gone well for a while. Even if he didn’t always manage to keep Thomas anxious, he managed to unsettle him for a while, and he messed with the others a shit ton, which Remus personally counted as a win. It had been working, he thought. Until he noticed that Virgil would leave their dark little corner outside of videos, hanging around the others just for shits and giggles. 

Janus didn’t seem to mind that much, but Remus knew they were bad news. Knew how fast they would turn around and decide, you know what, you’re not worth it, not worth our time. He knew they would decide eventually that whatever pet project they were attempting with Virgil, they would get bored of it, and they would toss him out and break his heart. Remus didn’t want that to happen. So, he pulled a few strings. 

He started fucking with Roman more and more, pushing all of his buttons. He made sure to show his face around Patton, reminding him who Virgil’s real family was. He would pop up in Logan’s room to ask all sorts of nonsense questions, trying to tire him out and piss him off. And because Remus was an evil mastermind at heart, it started to work. The other sides would lose their temper with Virgil more and more often, pushing him aside and talking over him. He was so sure it would make Virgil resent them, make him turn back to the people who cared about him. 

He didn’t expect Virgil to duck out entirely. 

He really didn’t expect the other sides and Thomas to find him so quickly. 

He absolutely didn’t expect they would win him over. 

“I love my dark strange son.” What a load of horseshit, from the cardigan clad clown himself. 

Fine! If Virge wanted to get involved, leave him and Janus behind just so he could get his heart broken when the others inevitably changed their minds, remembered who he really was, and decided to abandon him in turn, that was all him. 

Remus just never thought he was the masochistic sort. 

For another three years, Remus had a family. Him and Janus got along swimmingly, better than he ever had with any other side. With Virgil out in the open, they decided they could make themselves known. If he’d thought getting to stretch his twisted creative muscles in the mindscape was fun, it was nothing compared to getting to pull out his biggest guns on Thomas in person. He also enjoyed that Janus seemed to come back from most of his encounters with them smug and content, which was usually the best state Janus could be in. Things were going well. 

Remus should’ve known that means someone’s about to leave him. 

It starts with the wedding. The stupid, stupid fucking wedding. He’s never wanted to bash his b- Roman over the head more than the moment he decided they were going to go to the wedding. Even if it gave him more material to work with, he knew it was going to result in a level of misery he didn’t want to deal with in the long run. He did end up getting to beat Ro up a little bit, but it didn’t satisfy him the way he wanted it to. 

What was worse than that, Janus started getting more and more irritable. Remus would find him pacing around his room, muttering as he steps over crumpled sheets of paper and open notebooks. He would snap at Remus in ways he never did before, pissed off over silly pranks that never phased him much before. 

You’d think by now, Remus would be an expert in recognizing when he was about to leave him behind. Some people just don’t learn, apparently. 

He did pay attention when he wasn’t around, though people never expect that. He heard everything that happened the night of the wedding. He heard how hurt Roman was, how confused Patton seemed, how angry Thomas was trying to not be. He heard Janus appear and diffuse the situation. 

He heard Janus tell them his name. 

“Roman, thank god you don't have a mustache. Otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn't know who the evil twin is.” He heard that too. 

When Janus came back, he didn’t look very different. Remus… well, Remus felt a lot of things, most of which he channeled into an overwhelming desire to hit him directly in his stupid, snake-y face with the morningstar. 

Remus generally didn’t feel bad when his weapons actually hurt people, but he didn’t usually feel this level of release, this feeling of letting everything drain out of him in one harsh swing. 

“What the hell has gotten into you? I’m not Roman, you know,” Janus sighed, wiping at the blood flowing down his face. 

“Yeah, I’m aware of that, you two faced fucker. That was for being such an absolute fucking dick to my brother,” Remus shouted, hauling the morningstar over his shoulder, ready to swing again. Janus took a quick step back and raised an entirely unimpressed eyebrow. 

“Oh yes, and you have such a history of kindness and support with him.” Normally Janus’ smug drawl was comforting, but directed at him it grated on every. Single. Fucking. Nerve. 

“At least he knows what to expect from me! I hit him with a pointy ball on a stick, I don’t try to emotionally manipulate and damage him every chance I get!” Remus shouted. “And what was the name sharing shit? It took years for you to tell me your name, they get it in a few months?”

Janus let out a long sigh at that. “You don’t understand. It was the only way Patton-”

That was the final straw. “Oh, Patton this Patton that! Why don’t you go suck up to daddy like every other fucking side has, clearly that’s the only thing you give a shit about!” 

“I needed them to trust me, Remus, it’s not personal.” Janus had sat down by now, his head in his hands, but Remus could not give less of a shit about how tired he looked. 

“You made it personal when you used me to talk shit about my brother! Maybe I am evil, but I know my role, I know what I am, I don’t try to convince anyone otherwise! You, you lie and talk in circles and do whatever it takes to make sure they like you, make sure Patton likes you, even when it means you shit all over me!” Remus had been pacing through his speech, but he circled back to Janus, who was finally looking at him again. They locked eyes for a moment, before Janus looked away, unable to deny any of it.  

“You told me you’d give me a family. If this is what your idea of family is, I don’t fucking want it,” Remus spat. “Go play house with Patton and pretend you're ever going to keep a promise and not abandon everything you’ve ever said and done at the drop of a hat when some shiny new possibility appears.”

A long, long moment of silence followed. And then Janus stood up, brushed lightly at his pants, and turned away from Remus. 

“Have fun alone, Remus,” he said. It wasn’t a sneer, wasn’t a snarl or a shout. It was just said, flat and cold and so empty. And then he walked away, closing the door behind him quietly. For all his drama and all his shouting, Remus wasn’t prepared for such a quiet end. 

“Well,” he said to the empty room, “at least I can’t have any more family drama.”

He didn’t cry that night. He didn’t spend that night wishing that maybe someone would have bothered to stay with him, stay for him. 

He didn’t. Because he was the evil twin, and evil twins don’t cry over being abandoned. 

They plot revenge. 

[fullregalia]

20/20.

This year, in hindsight, was a real write-off. I had grand plans for it, and while I ushered it in in a very low-key manner since I was recovering from the flu, I’d expected things to look up. Well, you know what they say about plans (RIP, my trip to Europe). I got very, very sick in early February, and I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t COVID. Since March, the days have been a carousel of monotony: coffee, run, work, cook, yoga, existential spiral, sleep. My Own Private Year of Rest and Relaxation, if you will. Of course, life has a way of breaking through regardless; I attended protests, completed my thesis, graduated from grad school, took a couple of road trips upstate, and celebrated the accomplishments and birthdays of friends and family from a safe social distance. It was all a bit of a blur, and not ideal circumstances to re-enter the real world, or whatever this COVID-present is. 

Throughout it all, in lieu of happy hours, coffee dates, and panel discussions, I’ve turned even more to culture and cuisine to fill the the negative space on my calendar where my social life once resided. However, since a global pandemic ought not to disrupt every tradition, here’s my year-end round up of what made this terrible one slightly more tolerable. 

TV

After an ascetic fall semester abstaining from TV in 2019 (save for my beloved Succession), I allowed myself to watch more as the year wore on, and especially after graduation. I caught up on some cultural blind spots by finally getting around to The Sopranos, Ramy, Search Party, and Girlfriends. I wasn’t alone in bingeing Sopranos, it absolutely lived up to the hype and then some; this Jersey Girl can’t get enough gabagool-adjacent content, pizzeria culture is my culture!

Speaking of my culture, there was also a disproportionate amount of UK and European shows in my queue. Nothing like being in social isolation and watching the horny Irish teens in Normal People brood. I’m partial to it because I share a surname with the showrunner, so I have to embrace blind loyalty even though there was, in my opinion, a Marianne problem in the casting. Speaking of charming Irish characters with limited emotional vocabularies, I belatedly discovered This Way Up a 2019 show from Aisling Bea and Sharon Horgan. And while Connell and Marianne are actually exceptional students, I found the real normal people on GBBO to bring me a bit more joy. Baking was abundantly therapeutic for me this year, and watching charming people drink loads of tea and fret over soggy bottoms was a comfort. I also discovered the Great Pottery Throw Down, and as a lifelong ceramics enthusiast, I cannot recommend it highly enough if you care about things like slips, coils, and glazing techniques. GPTD embraces wabi sabi in a way that GBBO eschews flaws in favor of perfection, and in a time of uncertainty, the former reminded me why I miss getting my hands in the mud as a coping mechanism (hence all the baking). Speaking of coping mechanisms, like everybody else with two eyes and an HBO password, I loved Michaela Cole’s I May Destroy You; though we’ve all had enough distress this year for a lifetime, watching Cole’s Arabella process her assault and search for meaning, justice, and closure was a compelling portrait of grief and purpose in the aftermath of trauma. Arabella’s creative and patient friends Kwame and Terry steal the show throughout, as they deal with their own setbacks and emotional turmoil. Where I May Destroy You provides catharsis, Ted Lasso presents British eccentricity in all its stereotypical glory. At first I was skeptical of the show’s hype on Twitter, but once I gave in it charmed me, if only for Roy Kent’s emotional trajectory and extolling the restorative powers of shortbread. For a more accurate depiction of life in London, Steve McQueen’s series Small Axe provides a visually lush and politically clear-eyed depiction of the lives of British West Indians in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Lastly, how could I get through a recap of my year in tv if I don’t mention The Crown. Normal People may have needed an intimacy coordinator, but the number of Barbours at Balmoral was the real phonographic content for me.

Turning my attention across the Channel, after the trainwreck that was Emily in Paris, I started watching a proper French show, Call My Agent! It’s truly delightful, and unlike the binge-worthy format of "ambient shows” I have been really relishing taking an hour each week to watch CMA, subtitles, cigarettes, and all.

Honorable mention: The Last Dance for its in-depth look at many notable former Chicago residents; High Fidelity for reminding me of the years in college when my brother and I would drive around listening to Beta Band; and Big Mouth.

Music

My Spotify wrapped this year was a bit odd. I don‘t think “Chromatica II into 911″ is technically a song, so it revealed other things about my listening habits this year, which turned out to remain very much stuck in the last, sonically. I listened to a lot more podcasts than new music this year, but there were some records that found their way into heavy rotation. While I listened to a lot of classics both old and new to write my thesis (Paul Simon, Leonard Cohen, Prokofiev, and Bach) the soundtrack to my coursework, runs, walks, and editing was more contemporary. Standouts include: 

Saint Cloud by Waxahatchee, which makes me feel like I’m breathing fresh air even when I’m stuck inside all day 

La Bella Vita by Niia, which was there for me when I walked past my ex on 7th avenue (twice!) and he pretended that I didn’t exist 

Fetch the Bolt Cutters by THEE Fiona Apple, because Fiona, our social distancing queen, has always been my Talmud, her songs shimmering, evolving, and living with me every year 

Shore by Fleet Foxes, for the long drive to the Catskills 

Women in Music, Pt. III by HAIM, because these days, these days...

Musicians have been reckoning with tumult this year as much as the rest of us, and the industry has dealt with loss on all fronts. I’d be remiss not to talk about how the passing of John Prine brought his music into my life, and McCoy Tyner, who has been a companion through good and bad over the years. 

Honorable mention to: græ by Moses Sumney; The Main Thing by Real Estate; on the tender spot of every calloused moment by Ambrose Akinmusire; Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers; folklore by you know who; and songs by Adrianne Lenker. 

Reading

What would this overlong blob be without a list of the best things I read this year? While I left publishing temporarily, books, the news, and newsletters still took up a majority of my attention (duh and/or doomscrolling by any other name). I can’t be comprehensive, and frankly, there are already great roundups of the best longform this year out there, so this is mostly books and praising random writers. 

Last year I wrote about peak newsletter. Apparently, my prediction was a bit premature as this year saw an even bigger Substack Boom. But two new newsletters in particular have delighted me: Aminatou Sow’s Crème de la Crème and Hunter Harris’ Hung Up (her ”this one line” series is true force of chaotic good on Blue Ivy’s internet). Relatedly, Sow and Ann Friedman’s Big Friendship was gifted to me by a dear friend and another bff and I are going to read it in tandem next week. 

On the “Barack Obama published a 700+ page memoir, crippling the printing industry’s supply chains” front, grad school severely hamstrung my ability to read for pleasure, but I managed to get through almost 30 books this year, some old (Master and Margarita), most new-ish (Say Nothing, Nickel Boys). Four 2020 books in particular enthralled me:

Uncanny Valley: Anna Wiener’s memoir has been buzzed about since n+1 published her essay of the same name in 2016. Her ability to see, clear-eyed, the industry for both its foibles and allure captured that era when the excess and solipsism of the Valley seemed more of a cultural quirk than the harbinger of societal schism.  

Transcendent Kingdom: Yaa Gyasi’s novel about faith, family, loss, and--naturally--grad school was deeply empathetic, relatable, and moving. I think this was my favorite book of the year. Following the life of a Ghanaian family that settles in Alabama, it captured the kind of emotional ennui that comes from having one foot in the belief of childhood and one foot in the bewilderment that comes from losing faith in the aftermath of tragedy.  

Vanishing Half: Similarly to Transcendent Kingdom, Brit Bennett’s novel about siblings who are separated; it’s also about the ways that colorism can be internalized and the ways chosen family can (and cannot) replace your real kin. It was a compassionate story that captured the pain of abuse and abandonment in two pages in a way that Hanya Yanagihara couldn’t do in 720.

Dessert Person: Ok, so this is a cookbook, but it’s a good read, and the recipes are approachable and delicious. After all the BA Test Kitchen chaos this summer, it’s nice we didn’t have to cancel Claire. Make the thrice baked rye cookies!!!! You will thank me later.

Honorable mention goes to: Leave The World Behind for hitting the Severance/Station Eleven dystopian apocalypse novel sweet spot; Exciting Times for reminding me why I liked Sally Rooney; and Summer by Ali Smith, which wasn’t the strongest of the seasonal quartet, but was a series I enjoyed for two years.  

Podcasts

I’m saving my most enthusiastic section for last: ever since 2018, I’ve been listening to an embarrassing amount of podcasts. Moving into a studio apartment will do that to you, as will grad school, add a pandemic to that equation and there’s a lot of time to fill with what has sort of become white noise to me (or, in one case, nice white parents noise). In addition to the shows that I’ve written about before (Still Processing, Popcast, Who? Weekly, and Why is This Happening?), these are the shows I started listening to this year that fueled my parasocial fire:

You’re Wrong About: If you like history, hate patriarchy, and are a millennial, you’ll love Sarah Marshall and Michael Hobbes’ deep dives into the most notable stories of the past few decades (think Enron and Princess Diana) and also some other cultural flashpoints that briefly but memorably shaped the national discourse (think Terri Schiavo, Elian González, and the Duke Lacrosse rape case).

Home Cooking: This mini series started (and ended) during the pandemic. As someone who stress baked her way through the past nine months, Samin Nosrat and Hrishikesh Hirway’s show is filled with warmth, banter, and useful advice. Home Cooking has been a reassuring companion in the kitchen, and even though it will be a time capsule once we’re all vaccinated and close talking again, it’s still worth a listen for tips and inspiration while we’re hunkered down for the time being. 

How Long Gone: I don’t really know how to explain this other than saying that media twitter broke my brain and enjoying Chris Black and Jason Stewart’s ridiculous banter is the price I pay for it.

Blank Check: Blank Check is like the GBBO of podcasts--Griffin Newman and David Sims’ enthusiasm for and encyclopedic knowledge of film, combined with their hilarious guests and inevitable cultural tangents is always a welcome distraction. Exploring a different film from a director’s oeuvre each week over the course of months, the podcast delves into careers and creative decisions with the passion of completists who want to honor the filmmaking process even when the finished products end up falling short. The Nancy Meyers and Norah Ephron series were favorites because I’d seen most of the movies, but I also have been enjoying the Robert Zemeckis episodes they’re doing right now. The possibility of Soderbergh comes up often (The Big Picture just did a nice episode about/with him), and I’d love to hear them talk about his movies or Spike Lee (or, obviously, Martin Scorsese).      

Odds & Ends

If you’re still reading this, you’re a real one, so let’s get into the fun stuff. This was a horrible way to start a new decade, but at least we ended our long national nightmare. We got an excellent dumb twitter meme. I obviously made banana bread, got into home made nut butters, and baked an obscene amount of granola as I try to manifest a future where I own a Subaru Outback. Amanda Mull answered every question I had about Why [Insert Quarantine Trend] Happens. My brother started an organization that is working to eliminate food insecurity in LA. Discovering the Down Dog app allowed me to stay moderately sane, despite busting both of my knees in separate stupid falls on the criminally messed up sidewalks and streets of Philadelphia. I can’t stop burning these candles. Jim Carrey confused us all. We have a Jewish Second Gentleman! Grub Street Diets continued to spark joy. Dolly Parton remains America’s Sweetheart (and possible vaccine savior). And, last, but certainly not least: no one still knows how to pronounce X Æ A-12 Boucher-Musk.

[mythicalfanfics]

Is This Home? (Tyler Scheid x Fem!Reader)

Title: Is This Home?

Pairing: Tyler Scheid ( Apocalypto_12)/Fem!Reader, Platonic!Teamiplier x Reader, Markiplier x Amy, CrankGameplays x Mika

Requested?: Yes

Requested by: @lost-love

Summary: The reader has a YouTube channel where she records cover songs. Her sister, Amy, helps her record another song for a special someone.

A/N: This request has been in my inbox for a LONG while now. I had been putting it off for a while, but I had finally gotten inspiration to finish it.

Pronouns: she/her

Warning(s): swearing, slight angst from Tyler

Word count: 1,236 words (got a little carried away)

Amy settled the camera onto the tripod, centering you in the frame. She had, like the caring sister she was, volunteered to help you record another cover and shoo away any distractors, specifically Mark who always seemed to peek in whenever you tried to record. 

“Are you ready?” she asked, standing behind the camera. 

“Just a sec.” You adjusted the mic in front of your ukulele, strumming to check the feedback and sound. It seemed to be working properly.

You took a deep breath. “Alright, I’m ready.”

“You’ll do fine,” Amy reassured you. 

You shook your head. “Uh-huh, sure.” 

She paused, holding her finger over the record button. “You’re not nervous because of him, are you?”

You frowned. “No... no, of course not. Why would I be?” You waved your hand. “Just press record already, jeez.”

A mischevious smile came over Amy’s lips, but she said nothing more as she pressed record.

You bit your lip.

Another deep breath.

A sigh.

And you began to play.

“Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess

This avoids the stress of falling out of it.

Are you tired of me yet?

I’m a little sick right now but I swear

When I’m ready I will fly us out of here.”

“Is she singing?”

Amy turned her head to see Mark peeking in from the doorway. “Seriously?” she mouthed, pointing to the camera. “We’re recording right now.”

“Ooh, I’ll cut my hair

Ooh, to make you stare

Ooh, I’ll hide my chest

And I’ll figure out a way to get us out of here.”

“So, yes?” Mark leaned against the doorway, smiling cheekily at his girlfriend.

“Oh my God,” Amy whispered. She left the camera and strode up to Mark. “I’m not having this today, mister. This is very important to her.”

“Turn off your porcelain face

I can't really think right now in this place

Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane

Are you dead?

Sometimes I think I'm dead

‘Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head

But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet.”

“Is it because of--”

“Out.” She pointed. “Out with you.”

“Ooh, my eyes went dark

Ooh, I don't know where

Ooh, my pupils are

But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here.”

“Okay, okay,” Mark said, “but only because you asked nicely.”

Amy rolled her eyes.

“Get a load of this monster

He doesn't know how to communicate

His mind is in a different place

Will everybody please give him a little bit of space?

Get a load of this trainwreck

His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet

But little do we know, the stars 

Welcome him with open arms.”

Amy returned back to her place behind the camera, making sure everything was still in frame before giving you an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” she mouthed.

“Ooh, time is 

Ooh, slowly

Ooh, tracing his face

But strangely he feels at home in this place.”

Amy clapped when you finished the song. “That was amazing!”

Mark burst through the door. “Is she done?”

“Mark, seriously, what is wrong with you!”

Mark laughed. “Just trying to be supportive of my girlfriend and her little sister.”

You shrunk down in your chair, smiling weakly at him. “Thanks.”

-

Tyler lounged on the couch, staring at the ceiling. He had nothing to do. That is until you returned from your ladies’ day out with Kathryn, Amy, and Mika. Teamiplier was planning to see a movie that afternoon due to his suggestion.

“Hey, Tyler.”

Tyler glanced around and was met with the face of Ethan staring down at him. “What’s... up?”

“(Y/N) posted a new video yesterday,” Ethan said. “I was wondering if you saw it or not.”

Tyler frowned; he was skeptical. You always texted him right away after posting a new video. He had yet to receive such text. “...No, I haven’t.”

Ethan held out his phone to him, slightly smirking.

Tyler was good friends with Ethan, never having a problem with him except when it came to you. He always felt-- what was the word?-- jealous when he saw you and Ethan hanging out. You always seemed to sparkle with joy when you were around him. 

Tyler just couldn’t compete.

His eyes lit up when he saw your face on the phone. 

Ethan wasn’t lying after all. 

He immediately recognized the song when you started strumming, This Is Home by Cavetown. For the past month, you’d had played on repeat whenever he offered to drive you to work. He probably knew the lyrics just as well as you did by now.

At the end of the video, you would always talk a little about the song you covered and what it meant to you. This time was no exception.

“Cavetown is one of my favorite artists,” you said, “but I really covered this song for a good friend of mine, someone who always seemed to make me smile. He’s someone who I always want to be around and whenever I don’t see him... well, I miss him.” You smiled. “Thank you, guys, for watching. I’ll see you next time.” You moved your hand toward the camera as the video ended.

Tyler’s heart sank in his chest, a million thoughts racing around his head. He placed Ethan’s phone on the coffee table and stood up. Without looking Ethan’s way, he headed to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?”

“I just... I just need to use the restroom.”

-

“Are you guys ready to go see--” Mark started.

“Wait, where’s Tyler?” you asked.

Ethan put a hand on your shoulder. “Last time I saw him, he needed to use the bathroom,” he said. “He must have had a real large shit.”

You stifled a laugh as you tore away from your group of friends to look for Tyler. It only took you a couple of minutes to find the restroom he locked himself in.

You knocked on the door. “Tyler, you okay in there? We’re about ready to leave for the movie.”

There was a pause. “I’m... I’m fine, but you guys should go without me. I don’t really want to go anymore.” He sounded like a kindergartner who didn’t get the toy he wanted.

“Tyler, it was your idea to go in the first place,” you said. “What’s wrong, Tye Dye?”

You could hear a soft chuckle. “I hate that nickname.”

“I’ll keep calling you that if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Another pause. “Who did you make the cover for? Ethan?”

“Goddamnit, Ethan,” you cursed. “Will you come out if I tell you?”

“Fine.” Tyler unlocked the door and opened it. The first thing you noticed was his red eyes. Was he crying?

“The video wasn’t for Ethan--”

“Then who--”

“He wasn’t supposed to show you the video. I was gonna show it to when... when I was ready to tell you,” you said.

“Tell me what?”

Your face turned red. “That... that I... I like you a lot, like a lot, a lot, Tyler.”

“I like you, too.” He reached for your hand, squeezing it.

You stood in silence for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. Then, you asked, “Were you crying because I thought I liked Ethan?”

“Well...”

“You realize he’s dating Mika, right?”

[smokeybrandreviews]

Binary

This started out as a whole thing about Brie Larson. She’s started a YouTube channel and i figured I'd follow it just for kicks. I’m not a huge fan of massive Hollywood stars invading more accessible spaces but, technically, they’re the “You” in YouTube, too. I can’t be too mad at that. Of course Google is going to cater more to their brand, mostly because they bring in the duckets and understand PR so they know ho not to cause an ADpocolypse, but it’s still mad sh*tty. Larson’s first post was just her being goofy, trying to figure out how to even be a YouTuber. You kind of see a side of her that i figured was there, but never really was able to confirm. Brie Larson is the poster child for Millennial geekdom and i find that adorable as f*ck. Which is why i don’t understand the MASSIVE waves of hate she’s getting from the community. Cats are reveling in her perceived failure, it’s actually insane.

Now, before we go any further, i just want to be clear; I am a fan of Brie Larson. I think she is excellent at her craft. Ma is from my hometown and it’s always great to see someone make it out of this cowtown. I believe she has every right to her opinions and the fact that she voices them from such a visible platform, makes her one of the most endearing and real celebrities in an industry maligned by the phony. Brie ain’t quite Russell Brand but she is very vocal about the unjust sh*t she sees and will totally let you know it. That, i think, is why she garners such vitriol. Look, I'm a black dude living in the US. If she gets on TV and says f*ck white dudes, I'm inclined to agree. But she didn’t say that. What she said was there needs to be more voices making film, different perspectives in the arts. White dudes dominate the industry and she’s tired of seeing that movie. I don’t understand how that’s a controversial statement. It’s true. We need more dynamic, more diverse, storytellers making films out in the wild. The thing is, that one statement earned her the ire of every entitled white boy with time and and the internet. These motherf*cker decided to take that personally and we were off to the races.

When Brie Larson was announced as Captain Marvel, i was okay with it. I thought Charlize Theron or Katee Sackhoff would have been a better look but i get it. Larson is young and can portray the character for years to come. Kind of how Florence Pugh is going to take over Black Widow duties from Scarlett Johansson. Pugh can be that character for close to a decade, as can Larson. Once again, however, the interwebs were set asunder with rage and malcontent over the Cap Marvel announcement. It was f*cking ridiculous to me. Sure, she didn’t look the part going into this but neither did Gal Gadot, the latter turned out to be the best thing going in that trainwreck DCEU. Larson grew into the part, put in the work to look the part, and is committed to the role. She did her research, consuming massive amounts of the comics, trying to find Carol’s head space, which was a goddamn feat. Captain Marvel is as controversial as Brie Larson, herself. And it’s just as stupid.

Look, i adore Captain Marvel. She’s my fifth favorite Marvel character after Spider-Man, Doctor Doom, Laura Kinney, and Illyana Rasputin. In that order. Captain Marvel grew on me during the whole Mighty Avengers and Disassembled story lines from years ago. I have no love-loss for Bendis but that cat did wonders for building up more obscure characters, Carol being one of them. I also like what he did for Luke Cage, too, but that’s not what this essay is about. I’ve been a fan of this character since the early 00s and have rode this Carol train for years. I jumped on bored when she was rocking her leotard, which i miss terribly, took my time to dig up the back issues where she was in the original red and blue digs and moonlighted as Warbird for a bit. Then, Marvel Now happened and f*cked it all up. Carol went from this attractive, uber-powered, mess of a woman to a cold, manly, aggressively stupid caricature of herself. The Carol Danvers i had grown to love, with all of her faults and trauma, became some sort of butch nightmare and the poster child for why Woke Marvel was failing. I don’t think that’s fair.

Comic Carol was on her way to becoming a real force in the Marvel universe. She had learned there was worth in her strength, one she had to drag out through deep introspection and an understanding of who she really is. No longer was she just a gender-swapped, copyright placeholder that no one knew what to do with. Now she had agency. Now she was a force. Now she was relevant. Now tore all of that away. After Marvel Now, all of that growth and nuance was thrown out of the window. She became the idealized version of what the SJWs thought a “Strong Woman” should be. Marvel gave her a massive push in an effort to  cater to this burgeoning Tumblr dynamic and it failed miserably. Marvel wanted that Steven Universe crowd and they tried real hard to get it but that sh*t did not work. The changes to the universe weren’t extreme or feminist or PC enough. Courting a fanbase that had no longevity, Carol was sabotaged and thrown to the wolves. That’s the environment we were saturated in when Disney announced Larson as Carol for the MCU. It was a perfect storm of Nerdrage, one that has not died down in any capacity all these years later for either Brie or Carol.

I don’t think the feminist slant given to the Captain Marvel movie was actually such a big deal. I think the vitriol that flick faces stems from the combined maliciousness both the new version of Carol in the comics and Brie Larson, herself, garnered. It’s kind of crazy the massive tantrum everyone decided to throw over this movie. Cats were looking for this thing to fail as some sort of petulant schadenfreude ignoring the fact that this movie wasn’t made for them. As frustrated as i was with the ludicrous discourse, i knew this movie wasn't for me. his wasn’t my Carol and i was good with that. Unlike Marvel who pandered to the trend of PC nonsense, the MCU had a clear vision in mind for the audience they wanted; Young girls. They wanted a character who was strong enough to hang with Thor, stand equally with Iron Man, and have the respect of Captain America. Captain Marvel was the best option. She would be the tentpole hero of the MCU going forward and i accepted that. I went into the film with that understanding and, on my way out, i saw, firsthand, what this movie meant to the target audience. There was a little girl, about nine or so, gushing abut how cool Captain Marvel was. She as ecstatic to see a girl like her, kicking so much butt. In the face of that, every entitled argument you have against the character falls apart in my eyes. Captain Marvel is to young girls and woman, as Black Panther was to us black folk. It’s the same energy.

Do i think the film could have been better? F*ck yea, i do. I think the script should have had one more revision and the directors definitely felt out of place. They’re good at their jobs, they mostly make A24-esque fare, but a massive, multi-million dollar, space epic connected to the most popular film franchise in history? Nah, these cats were way out of their depth. I think Feige dropped the ball on this one, a rare miss. I think Kathryn Bigelow, Patty Jenkins, Lynne Ramsay, Claire Dennis, or  Lorene Scafaria would have constructed a much better film, both visually and narrative wise. I think if the movie was better as a whole, a lot of the controversy and vitriol would have been neutered. Carol is written quite wooden and a little pretentious. The interactions between the supporting cast feels forced. The overall narrative is fine but definitely could have been embellished at parts. Captain Marvel is boring and i don’t know how that happened. You have one of the strongest characters in comics, with a distinct, visually appealing powerset, and you make her movie boring? Really? More than anything, though, is the absolute mistreatment of Sam Jackson and Nick Fury.

The writing reduces Nick Fury, the mind behind the entirety of the Avengers Initiative, to lap boy sidekick in an effort to up Carol’s own stature. That sh*t is poor writing and it’s mad frustrating to see. I hate narratives that have to job established characters, in an effort to push new additions. I just wrote a whole goddamn thing about that with Punchline, Joker’s new “partner”. It’s bogus, cheapening the character and opens up an avenue for bad-faith complaints. Rey Palpatine is another great example. Her entire character is built on the slow, methodical, violent, destruction of the Skywalker legacy. Interestingly enough, that character was launched in the same environment as New Carol so i understand why the movie is the way that it is. I don’t agree with it, but i know why. It was an incredibly poor choice to introduce Captain Marvel in this way, however, and she’s never recovered. Brie has never recovered. You want a 90s buddy-cop space opera? Lethal Weapon with Skrulls and starships? You need your Murtaugh and Riggs to stand on equal footing. That was not the case with this flick. Having Nick Fury job to Carol Danvers for two hours was the wrong way to go about all of this and i think a different creative team could have made something truly excellent.

It’s nuts to me that this is even a thing though. Brie’s personal controversy is so f*cking stupid, i choke every time i think about it. How are you mad she stand up for herself, her gender, and everyone else in a position of persecution? Don’t you want though with a platform speaking up about the inequities of our country? I feel like the same people who hate Brie for her vocal advocacy, are the same people who stan “All Lives Matter” when ever someone says Black Lives Matter. That sh*t feels like the same energy to me. I feel like the criticisms launched at comic Carol have real validity, even if most of them are just whiny man-children who miss the leotard. I miss the leotard, too, but come on? We’re passed that now. I do think, when written well, Carol can be a force in the books. Her run as part of the new Ultimates was pretty chill I think she needs that in order to be her true self, until we establish a true self for the character. It’s weird to say but Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel previously, has been around for fifty years, and no one has any idea who she is as a character. I think Captain Marvel in the MCU, both the character and film, are hated for the wrong reasons. The fact that no one has any idea who this character is, makes for a lousy cinematic experience. The team put together in an effort to flesh this character out, didn’t have the creative capacity to do so and we were left with little more than PC tropes and Feminist agenda. The MCU let both Brie and Carol down in that regard.

Brie Larson isn’t a terrible person and she deserves more respect put on her name. She an accomplished actress with a bevy of awards and accolades to her name. She’s been in great films like Room and Scott Pilgrim, never once garnering a controversy. The fact that she speaks her truth, a truth the establishment doesn’t want to hear, should not disqualify her talent or the fact that she seems like a really chill person. Carol Danvers is a dope ass character with an amazing amount of potential. When she’s written well and not traded upon for trends, she can have real staying power. Her abilities open up a plethora of interesting, creatively fertile narratives yet to be written. Disregarding her just because Marvel decided to gamble on the pretentious third-wave feminism wave is shortsighted and makes you look like a childish brat. You’re entitled to feel however you want but let’s be clear; Brie Larson and Carol Danvers deserve so much better.

[crazy-talk]

As promised, here’s a little large compilation sort of thing of little moments and memories from SBFP that you folks have submitted. I really appreciate everything that you’ve all submitted, it’s pretty clear that SBFP helped and entertained a whole lot of people - in equal amounts.

Here’s some SBFP moments:

Grand Wizard Wakka

The Shitstorm VII Woolie haunting plan

“What a mysterious game.”

MY HOUSE

“Wait, what’s my objectives?” “You don’t haaave any objectives!”

Qui Gon Chi

“Whah happuh?” “das whah happuh!”

“No, shut up though.”

The Baby

“Shut the fuck up about Face/Off!”

“Bleetzboll...”

The Sadness Trilogy

“KIDS LOVE THE FOCKIN’ DEVIL!”

Pat thinking he’s dying because he sat on a chocolate bar

Kenpachi Ramasama

Shit-kids

“Whut deh fuhk? Is he using duh bät room?”

Mr. Shakedown/Kenny/Quint/Eric Sparrow

TAR-KUS! TAR-KUS! TAR-KUS!

“Love is just chemicals.”

Pat eating candy alone in a closet

Matt throwing the fire axe

“Oh no, I make’da bad game!”

“Hey, is that the script?”

“JAAASON!”

“It’s fine.”

The RE2 valve noise

“Yeyeyeye!”

Woolie’s atomic purple Gameboy

“Eyy, what’s goin’ on, man? You ready to play?”

And some SBFP memories. Some of these may be a bit emotionally heavy so feel free to skip this part:

the sbfp lp of yakuza 0 got me and my best friend into the yakuza series. we watched it together and we still laugh about matt falling to pieces over "never-before-seen results" - Anon

the best friends have had such an influence on my speech patterns that i've infected people who've never watched them before. half of my friend group says super big [x] and porked up now - Anon

SBFP introduced me to so many games that ended up becoming personal favorites of mine, like Deadly Premonition and the Silent Hill series. Their videos became a way for me to spend time with some of my own best friends as well! -  captainofthestars

theres one particular moment that will always resonate with me - in their devil may cry lets play, i cant remember if it was 1 or 3, they talk about someone in the comments who mentioned that they had to beat devil may cry with items due to having a physical disability of some kind, i cant remember which. they talked about how it was awesome that he managed to even beat the game like that, and, personally, as someone who struggles with motorskills issues this made me very happy, as a devil may cry fan. theres a lot of other great moments from the tbfp, both funny and genuine that made me happy, but this one in particular stuck with me a lot. -  krillfingers

I'll never stop making "pull out king" jokes thanks to sbfp - venerabledreadnought

I remember the first Shitstorm that made me actually have to get up and sit in a brightly lit room with other people in it, Anatomy. It's become a Halloween tradition to watch it every year since, though watching a whole bunch of Shitstorm also became one. As someone who started watching at their second machinma ep, it's not a lie to say that they made up the entirety of my teenage years. I will miss the channel dearly, but I look forward to the future. -  duke-nitro

My friends and I have been watching The Zaibatsu for so long that we have accidentally adopted a bunch of their phrases like going “yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah” or saying someone “go down.” Also, despite us not knowing each other when we became fans, we all somehow began with their Man vs Wild let’s play and I even made friends with one of them because I quoted something from it at work. Favorite moment probably has to be the entire Omikron playthrough, I can’t pick a single moment. It was a beautiful trainwreck start to finish and I still put on the playlist from time to time while I’m doing other things. I swear I could gently fall asleep to the sounds of Pat screaming about the shooter segments. shogun-ceanataur

Persona 4 and Kenpachi Ramasama were my favourite. I found the name itself hilarious, but how they kept on referring to him as the full name in different little bits and tones never failed to make me laugh. That “See you later, fuckers!” part from when you see Yosuke was also hilarious. I’m not sure if that video is the oeigin, but it’s why I’ve integrated that phrase into my everyday life. Goddamn what a fun, memorable episode. - whatthehellisthisevenfor

tbfp got me through being homeless in my car twice. every time that I wanted to give up, to just stop trying, i'd turn on whatever new video they had out and it brightened up my life. my mom, who was with me, came to love them to, she used to wait to hear them to relax. i have so many memories of that time, and i don't fully relax or even eat on long days until I've turned their videos on. my favorite quote is still "mistakes into miracles". its a rly motivating quote imo. -  c0l0c4k3s

I always loved the Silent Hill 2 LP. I never played it when it came out - all I knew was that it was a horror game, and I hated horror at the time. But when the LP came around, I knew a bit more about the game and I was intrigued. Seeing the game, meeting the characters, hearing Pat disect the story and themes for Matt, I loved it all. I was fascinated, and still am. I will still watch the LP every few months, and I call SH2 one of my favorite games, even though I still haven’t played it.Thanks, SBFP, for all the great moments and the great memories. I wish you all well. - iamthewanderingbard

The best friends are what got me so invested in the Dark souls games, and what motivated me to get through DS2. Even if I say 'You see what i mean' unironically a lot, and go 'You. Did it.' -  awkwardmuses

I got into Super Best Friends from a post on the Twin Perfect forum, that linked to the Silent Hill Downpour lp, and never looked back. Their let's plays brought me so much joy back when I wasn't in the best living or health situation, and continue to do so. My favourite let's plays have to be Eternal Darkness and the Shitstorms; I always go back to those when depression hits, or for any reasons. I'll miss them together, but I'll always have those delicious delicious memories. -  mrjaffesxeldritchtwin

The Best Friends Play are the reason I end so many sentences with "though". I first found them when a friend recommended the Best Sisters Play MLP animations, and I've loved them ever since. I know it's used as a joke, but I really believe they've earned the title of HYPEST GAMEPLAY ON YOUTUBE. I love all of their David Cage playthroughs, and I adore how many plot-points they guess during Beyond: Two Souls. I love how, when they play a game they really love, they show so much knowledge and care. -  mads-in-zero

It was incredibly amusing and oddly touching that the Zaibatsu created this hate circle of David Cage and his godawful games. Even before Detroit’s release, the best friends AND the fanbase were ready to hate it because as a collective, we just latched onto that one thing to hate/make fun of. And we go all out on it together like some fucked up family, and I love it. -  missinghmmingbird

I can’t help but shrug off every minor inconvenience and major issue in my life with “it’s fine” thanks to Gun Jumper Liam. Thanks to Matt and Woolie supporting Skullgirls like no one else on the internet, I really got into it and fighting games as a whole. I’m not good at them, but oh boy do I love them.And if it wasn’t for Pat, I don’t think I’d ever have touched a Yakuza or Persona game.These guys affected my life more than any other individual or group on the internet ever really has. -  dklordg

The first Best Friends video I ever watched was Portal 2. That short LP had me in stitches. I'd never laughed so hard. I've been a huge fan since then. These guys where the ones that introduced me to LPs and made me realize that you can have fun watching other people bumble through games. TheSw1tcher has been one of my favorite channels on YouTube since I began watching. It gave me something to look forward to. I got through high school, and essentially grew up, watching these videos. There are so many catchphrases and memes I will never forget and will always make me smile. I absolutely say stuff like “whah happun?” and “shit-kids” all the time. The Deadly Premonition and Detroit: Become Human playthroughs are wonderful gems in my eyes. It’s amazing how a group of guys can get so many people to collectively love and bash certain games. We’re all on the same page, having a blast like a huge group of friends at a slumber party. Matt, Pat, Woolie, Liam, Billy, and everyone who involved themselves with the Super Best Friends are the absolute best. They gave me a chance to relax and laugh along with some familiar voices. Although it's sad they are going their separate ways, I totally respect that fact. They have my love and support. I wish them nothing but success and happiness moving forward. I'll be watching! And a note to my fellow fans: This has been a wild ride. I'm glad I got to enjoy it with you. You are all fantastic people. -  fablesamongus