#my brother laughed at the fact I couldnt do it yet refused to tell me how to do it 🤨

[disabled-dragoon]

Hey hey hey if you're like me and you struggle to/can't use keyboard and mouse when gaming and prefer controller, I've found this excellent little video that explains how to connect a PS4 controller to your Steam.

On her channel she also details how to add a Switch controller and a Gamecube controller as well. (No Xbox I think, but I shall look for others)

Personally I found this incredibly helpful and easy to follow. I haven't tried it on other games besides Stardew Valley yet but I shall let you know when I do!

[gingerwritess]

Okay here me out tho. What if reader dies when the twins are given birth. Twins survive but mother’s gone

THIS IS AN AU. A FUCKING U. I JUST COULDNT HELP MYSELF.

ok this has birth, death, knives, mentions of suicide, overall angst

you’ve been warned

ps don’t let me write while i’m on my period oh my go s h was i craving pain or what

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You’re good at giving birth, by this point.

You don’t scream so much anymore, and by the fourth kid, it’s over in a heartbeat with little more than a good punch in the stomach.

The twins don’t cry.

That should’ve been the first sign that something was wrong.

Loki’s a bit more concerned with the fact that they were born blue—he hadn’t even touched them yet.

It’s too quiet in the grand bedroom. A couple healers clean up, washing the silent newborns and choosing to keep quiet about the fact that they’re clearly not aesir, and you sink back into your pillows.

Loki’s staring at his two baby boys.

“You look so surprised,” you whisper, but he doesn’t move—maybe he didn’t hear you. “Every time this happens, you act like you didn’t expect this.”

Still doesn’t move.

You feel empty. Something’s missing; certainly the two children that spent the past nine months in your stomach, but something more.

“Just hoping.”

Loki reaches around the healer washing the last of the two and gently presses his thumb to the ridges on the baby’s forehead.

“I had hoped, with these two.”

It’s a disembodied sensation, and you decide not to answer. There’s no point in answering; he doesn’t get any better. Each child, every time you reassure him of his uniqueness, it only lasts for a couple days.

The hatred is beaten, cut into him. You don’t blame him.

“Why aren’t they crying?”

“They seem to be extremely at peace,” one of the healers quietly answers, wrapping each baby in a snug blanket. “As I’m sure you already felt, your majesty.”

Loki nods and takes the first little bundle, tucking him in the crook of one arm. “I don’t know why. This should be immense stress on them, being thrown into a new world.”

“I can’t tell exactly why either,” the healer smiles, handing Loki the other baby. “But they seem to have found immediate peace with their surroundings.”

“Maybe it’s just...just ‘cause they’re born here,” you yawn, struggling to lift a hand to wave around the room. Your limbs are suddenly impossibly heavy—must just be the exhaustion.

Yes, it’s only the Asgardian air. Maybe your body still adjusting to a new realm—even though it’s been almost three years—or even the waves of divinity starting to be put into place.

Your body hadn’t taken well to the fruit in the first place, trying to vomit immortality right back out of your stomach. Such unnatural gifts, trying to change the course of human nature, trying to alter the cycle of your human life, you can’t reach it without some tribulation.

It’s still wrong, to try and make you live an extra five thousand years.

“I think the apples are working,” you grit out, struggling to sit up and reaching for your newborns. “I don’t feel so connected to my body anymore.”

Loki turns to blink at you, head tilting ever-so-slightly. “That’s...good.”

The healer doesn’t say anything, just keeps her head bowed and slips out the door.

“Does this feel weird to you?” Head suddenly filling with fog, you lower yourself back onto the pillows with a wince. “Why aren’t we ecstatic?”

“I’m overjoyed,” Loki smiles. It looks pained.

He presses a kiss to each of their blue foreheads and hands the twins to you, tucking them securely by your sides before leaning down to meld his lips into yours, a hand cradling your cheek.

They’re beautiful, two beautiful, blue babies, undoubtedly red eyes closed in a peaceful sleep as they breathe softly.

“We got our twins,” you whisper with a smile, gazing down at them before glancing back up at Loki. “We’ve got four kids, my king.”

“And a kingdom to rule.” He shakes his head with a quiet laugh. “I doubt I’ll even manage to have any power within the palace.”

Your laugh morphs into a yawn, throat cracking as your eyes drift shut.

“Wake me up when it’s time to feed them,” you mumble, cradling them closer to your chest. “Can’t keep my eyes open.”

“Sleep, my love.” He presses his lips to yours once more, a truer smile tugging at the corners. “You deserve a lifetime of rest, after all you’ve done.”

Two hours later the twins start squirming, red eyes opening and soft gurgles rousing Loki from his own rest.

“Darling.” He leans over and kisses you, thumb slowly stroking over your cheek. “You’re being summoned.”

You don’t move, and Loki tries again, feeling horrible for having to wake you in the first place. You haven’t slept this well in months.

The heavy wooden door creaks open and two tired pairs of eyes peek in, glittering with excitement.

“Dad?”

“Come meet your brothers,” Loki calls out quietly, a finger to his lips before pointing at your still form and waving his two other kids into the room.

Stumbling over each other to get to the bed first, Frigg prevails and clambers over you with an excited squeal, grinning down at the two little babies between you and Loki.

“Hello, babies,” she whispers in awe, brushing a finger along each of their tiny blue noses. “I’m Frigg. What’re their names, daddy?”

“We haven’t fully decided yet.” Loki picks one of them up with a grin, planting a soft kiss on his cheek before handing him to Elliot. “We’ll choose the names for certain once your mother wakes.”

“They’re blue,” Elliot points out in a hushed voice. “Are they always blue?”

“Born that way and stayed that way, so far.”

“Adorable,” he grins, hugging the baby tight against his chest.

“Can’t mommy wake up already? I want to name them!”

Shushing Frigg with a laugh, Loki places a hand on your shoulder and gently calls out to you.

No response.

Distracted by the babies, Frigg doesn’t see Elliot’s excited expression fall like a stone through water.

“Dad.”

Something is wrong. Something just spilled over, upset the balance in Elliot’s uneasy soul.

Something is very, very wrong, and Loki’s only cradling your cheek and gazing down at your sleeping form in pure adoration.

“Dad,” he repeats, panic starting to tinge the edges of his voice. “Dad, I don’t think she’s okay.”

“She’s just given birth,” Loki reassures his son, but his hand slips to your neck, thumb moving to find your pulse point. “She’s well beyond tired, after what these two did to h—”

His voice dies in his throat.

After what these two did to you? What exactly...did they do to you?

The world goes silent, dull, the golden lights in the room appearing to pulsate.

Elliot’s blinking, a deafening thud of skin on skin and drops clinging to his eyelashes, and Frigg says something he can’t hear.

“Get out.”

His lips moved, sound came out, but Loki can’t hear himself speak.

“Get out, both of you.”

Judging from the way Frigg flinched, he figures he shouted that time.

Loki’s kids scramble to their feet, set the babies back on your bed, and run out the door before he’s realised he’s standing.

You’re cold.

For the first time in the entirety of your life together, you are cold.

“Say something,” he snaps, staring at your body.

A quiet gurgle bubbles from one of the twins’ throats.

“You.”

He knows there’s no point speaking to them. Alive for less than a day, and he’s talking like they understand.

“You killed my wife.”

The twins gaze up at him, red eyes having never shed a tear and blue skin free from any stain.

He just needed to hear it said aloud.

They’re at peace. They found immediate peace with their surroundings.

“You took everything.”

Red eyes blink, tiny blue mouths yawn.

“You took her life, so you could find peace,” he hisses, dropping to his knees. “You split her in two.”

Loki refuses to accept it, but it does make some semblance of sense.

They’re already split, divided in two since the day they were conceived, two different beings trying to fuse together into one.

A half-life thanks to him, further divided when one became two.

These twins needed you, they needed more than your body could provide—only one-fourth of their entire essence actually came from him.

That leaves you to give them every drop of living power your mortal existence could create. Every breath went to them.

Loki swallows thickly, tears freezing over on his skin and shattering with the movement of every muscle.

Every ounce of immortality you’d gained went to them.

He’d tried to extend your life and his children had taken it for themselves.

“You killed my wife,” he whispers again, dragging himself to heavy feet. “You killed my wife. You killed my wife.”

The door swings open and Thor rushes in, the tearstained faces of Elliot and Frigg not daring to peek past the doorway.

Thor stops in his tracks.

Standing over your dead body, his brother is practically chanting, a man possessed as he stares at the two newborn babies bundled on the bed beside you.

“You killed my wife. Y-you killed my wife. You killed my wife. You killed m—”

“Loki.”

His gaze snaps up to meet Thor’s, and a glint of metal in Loki’s hand makes the god lunge forward and tackle him to the ground.

“Let me—”

“NO,” Thor shouts, grabbing the knife from Loki’s hand and hurling it across the room. “You’re not in your right mind, DO NOT KILL THESE CHILDREN—”

“LET ME GO,” Loki nearly screams, thrashing under his grip, fingers scrabbling for his knife again. “LET ME GO, JUST—JUST—”

His voice cracks into incoherent sobs and Frigg runs away from the doorway, having seen and heard plenty.

“Just let me die,” Loki whispers hoarsely, giving one last attempt to throw Thor off of him before going limp on the ground. “I’ve tried so many times. That knife was for me. Just let me die.”

“No.” Thor’s breathing heavily, still pinning Loki’s arms to his sides.

“Please.”

“No,” he repeats, stronger this time. “You have four children who love you. Who need you. You have a kingdom that depends on you, that looks to you as their king.”

“I have no wife,” Loki rasps, starting to struggle again. “I have no love, no wife, no love left in my life—”

“Dad.”

It’s a small voice, timid but sure.

“Please stay.” Elliot crouches by his side, nodding at Thor to release his hold on him. “Now we...we don’t have a mother.”

Loki’s body falls slack, silence fills the room for a moment, then he dissolves into sobs.

Gut-wrenching, soul-crushing sobbing, messy and wet and Elliot grabs him, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him tighter than he’s ever been able to before.

“She gave me everything,” Loki chokes, clutching at his son’s shirt. “Everything I have, it’s her’s, I don’t—”

“It’s yours, dad, she gave it to you for a reason. Don’t throw us away. Please.”

“I won’t,” he promises, trying to convince himself, “I won’t.”

Several minutes pass locked in their embrace until Loki takes a shuddering breath and lets go, trying his best to compose himself.

“Don’t hide this,” Elliot whispers, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. “That’s too much to keep inside.”

Loki nods, gulping in air and shakily letting Thor help him to his feet. “F-Frigg?”

“Ran away when she saw the knife.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers in horror. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t—not them, no, no, me...”

Elliot gives him a sad, ready smile and shrugs. “Might want to tell her that.”

He nods furiously, taking a few unstable steps towards the bed. Next to your body, the two newborn twins are blinking, skin still glowing that bright blue.

And even still, through all that just happened, not a single tear has fallen from those crimson eyes.

They have you.

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hope you enjoyed, please reblog and feel free to send me ideas!

~ masterlist link in my bio ~

loki tags: @bluediamond007 @himitoshi @drakesfiance @destiel1597 @dangertoozmanykids101 @archy3001 @jcalpha1 @yzssie @skullvieplu @forthesnakeofdragons @skulliebythesea @wegingerangelica @storiesfrommirkwood @agarwaeneth @adaliamalfoy @laurfangirl424 @paradisaicsam @fitzsimmons-is-forever @ladylokimischief @katelinwrites @tarynkauai @polaristrange @loavesofmeat @canadian-ravenpuff-multishipper @lou-makes-me-strong @holyn0vak @chocolatealmondmillk @swtnrholland @kenzieam @jessiejunebug  @catticas @the-republic-and-face-of-texas @doralupin01 @whitewitchdown @atomiccharmer @falconfeather23435 @babygirlicecream @avengrcs @vethrvolnir2 @bookgirlunicorn @wabisabigrl @myhealingstar @khaleesi-marvel @ei77777 @spacecrumbs @scarlettghost13 @rocks-are-pretty-odd @confessionsofastrugglingteen @easilydistractedwriter @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 @fluffyllamaswearinghats @milktearose @lcyouinhell @h0tshotholland @dontmesswithmemundane @southsidesarcasticwriter @helnik-s @lilith-akemi @fire-in-her-veinz @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mischievousbellerina @kcd15 @mellowgirl01 @lokislilcaribbeanprincess @allthingzhiddleston @scorpionchild81 @lokixme @blue-automne @galaxycharmed @devilbat @kangaroobunny @end-up-well @planetariumx @sarcsep @mrfandomtastic @amaru163 @im-way-too-many-fandoms @caswinchester2000 @kybaeza @wester-than-west @vintagesunshinebitch @adefectivedetective @poetic-nikolai @moonduhsted @kerri-masson @iamverity @innaminitus @spnbarnes @narcissxblack @woohoney @anxiousamandapanda @padmeisgay @authordreaming13 @lokisironthrone @theunknowinglys @highfuncti0ningfangirl @epicfallenismine @stubby-toe-589331 @fandomnerdsarecool @retrofantasyland @arch-venus25 @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams @littleredstarfish @marshyrebelcloud @okie–loki @atterodominatus @stfxlou @pandacookieowo

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Cori's Tale (Pt.1)

-------------------------

I was never much for listening to the old stories they told us about monsters and humans fighting. It wasn't that I didn't care- I just had better things to do, like drawing. I had a black backpack with gold spikes for all my sketchbooks and drawing materials, I never leave home without it. The other kids at school think it's weird, I've never taken the thing off since I got it, but I like it! That's all that matters.

Oh, how rude of me, I haven't even introduced myself have I? Cori Sable, resident nonbinary disaster child. Not that it's of any consequence what my gender or lack thereof is, after all I'm only twelve years old aren't I.

But back to the important stuff! I live in a community of lots of people, it's fun, we get along pretty well when people aren't calling me names or telling me the backpack I wear is pointless and stupid and I should just get rid of it.

If I had to complain about anything, it would be the fact that no one seems to notice how many kids go missing at Mt. Ebbot every year. Every year some kid gets dared to climb it, and every year they don't come back. With the way the other kids look at each other sometimes, I worry they know exactly what they're doing when they send someone up there.

"And that's the story of how the humans were victorious in the Battle of Mt. Ebbot," the teacher closed her book, placing it on a shelf next to her. I hadnt heard a word of what she said, not that it mattered since I already had the whole thing memorized to begin with. I glared enviously at the back of the room, where teenagers sat on their phones, willingly able to ignore the story and not get in trouble. We werent allowed to get phones until we were fourteen, and even then we had to get jobs first, and recite the story of monsters vs humans. I don't think I'll ever get a phone, I'm terrible at doing work for one. For two the way everyone here tells the story of our fight seems very biased, it's almost like they didn't try to cooperate with the monsters at all, just maim and kill and lock away where no one else can find them. It's rather rude in my opinion, monsters just seem like weaker magical humans, they just look different and have a different culture, I don't see what's wrong with that.

Of course, bringing this up would be a detriment to my already tediously hanging reputation here. A kid who isn't well liked would be ill-advised to go spouting off about how monsters and humans aren't so different, about how maybe if we'd shown a little mercy we wouldn't be in this situation.

See, we used to be able to live in separate houses, used to be able to get stuff whenever we wanted. But it turns out a lot of that was because if decent trading with monsters, and of course, no monsters, no nice things. Not to mention, going through an entire war is hardly good for anyone involved, it's actually probably the worst possible event to go through. That's what led us to here, with so many orphans the human race decided "why not just make all children orphans" and took us away from our parents nearly as soon as we were born to be raised in these communities, only able to escape once we prove sufficient enough to survive on our own.

I'll probably never get out, they'll kick me out at twenty-one of course, but the problem with that is, I don't think I'll get the hang of life by then, or ever really. There's just to many things to learn! How to drive a car, how to use a phone, how to get a job, how to talk to people, it's all way to much. And with no one helping me out, I'm basically trying to operate a plane where all the buttons are the same color and the switches don't have labels.

Recess was my least favorite part of the day. I used to like it, but now I get pushed off of everything I try to use. On top of that, recess is when The Choosing happens. If you haven't figured it out yet, that's when someone gets dared to climb a giant mountain or risk being labelled a coward and ostracised, one time a kid refused and they got them kicked out entirely!

"Cori!" I heard a rough grumbling voice call my name. I turned to face the girl, her name was Ulana, and she was the one who decided what happened to all of us. Red hair braided behind her back, Jean's ripped in so many places it couldnt possibly be intentional, the only thing scarier than her was the twin brothers that always followed close behind. Sora and Pevril were oddities of their own, with Sora having black and blue eyes and Pevril being abnormally tall for a child. They were of course, only scary when around Ulana, other than that, I didn't see them as much of a threat, sometimes it even seemed like we could be friends.

"What is it, Lan," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't call me Lan," growled the girl, she was nearly a foot taller than me, and almost old enough to age out of the community to. But she was looking for a reaction, and I learned long ago that I should never give one to a bully, not if I had any self-respect.

"Right, well what do you want then?" I tilted my head to the side, focusing more on the sound of children playing in the distance than Ulana.

"I bet you can't climb Mt. Ebbot and survive," I froze for a second. I was aware I wasn't well liked, but perhaps i should've paid attention to just how deep that disdain went.

"And if I don't accept?" I said, digging my feet into the ground.

"Then I'll take that nice backpack of yours and chuck it in with the next kid, and you'll get kicked out," I wrapped my hands around the backpack straps subconsciously.

"Fine, I'll play your game, but if I do make it back, you can't send anyone else down ever again," I said, looking her directly in the eyes. There was a glint there, one I that sent shivers down my spine.

Mountains were, of course, cold, but my legs had a weird relationship with temperature. I had a blue and indigo striped hoodie on, one with little grey horns at the top, and black shorts with black boots. The ever important backpack was still tossed over my shoulders, sketchbook and art materials jostling around inside.

I reached the top of the mountain soon after, there was a crater at the center. I thought to myself for a second, whether Ulana had mentioned anything about going into the mountain, or if I could go home saying I had climbed it myself. I was in fact, so caught up in this decision, that I was caught off guard by a light shove from behind, and sent hurtling down the crater, my backpack clutched to my chest.

I landed, miraculously, in a pile of soft flowers, that seemed to cushion my fall.

I couldn't tell where I was, just that I was really far down, and the sky was really far up. I made the decision to keep walking.

After a few mere seconds of this I came across a patch of grass, where an orange tree stood at the center. I paused for a second before realizing- the tree had a face.

"Howdy! I'm Orangey, Orangey the orange tree!" It spoke, in a voice that sounded cold and calculated.

"Uh- hi- I'm Cori- the not orange not tree-" I said, doing a sort of two-finger salute in return.

"You're new to the underground arentcha?" Said Orangey, I nodded in response.

"Let me help you," suddenly something jumped out in front of me. It was glowing, different shades of pink blue and yellow faded in and out of what looked like a heart.

"This is your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!" Said Orangey, he seemed unphased by the tri-color phenomenon of it.

"Your SOUL can get stronger when you gain LV, that stands for LOVE," he said. I wasnt sure that sounded right, Love didnt seem like the kind of word one would need to abbreviate.

"Down here, LOVE is shared through friendliness pellets," spinning orange shapes appeared on all sides, I eyed them suspiciously "Go on! Catch as many as you can!" Said the tree. I chose to go the opposite route, backing away as the shapes closed in on me.

The tree's expression changed, it was one of anger and hatred "Smart kid, aren't you," its voice was deeper, less calculated, more angry and bordering on psychopathic.

The pellets surrounded me on all sides, preparing to close in. The tree began to laugh, a cold and unfeeling cackle that sent a chill down my spine. The pellets were inches away from my skin, when suddenly they'd disappeared, the tree was gone. Something- no- someone- walked out if the shadows. He was tall, with white fur and horns, and a tossle of light brown hair at the top of his head, adorned with glasses, a blue shirt, khakis, and a grey cardigan.

"What a cruel creature, torturing such a poor innocent youth," he spoke in a softer voice, one that reminded me of how the guardians back at the community spoke to the younger children.

"I am Patton, caretaker of the ruins, come with me, I will keep you safe," Patton held a hand out, I accepted it after a few moments hesitation. Patton walked with me through an archway, into an elaborate structure, covered with vines and flowers. I felt something spark in me, I thought back to the sketchbooks in my backpack.

"Can I sit down for a second? That was a little scary," I said. Patton smiled and nodded, setting himself down in a pile of flowers between two sets of stairs. I sat down as well and pulled out a sketchbook, beginning to draw the things surrounding me.

"Oh! An artist!" Patton said excitedly.

I smiled and brushed it off slightly "Not so much artist as bored little kid with to much creativity," was my only reply as we sat there, trying to ignore the things my head was telling me.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@that-artsy-gay

@official-lucifers-child

@spooky-scary-virgil

@youtuberswithalex

@misunderstoodshadowling

[calmofpetrichor]

Band of Brother rewatch - Currahee!

Side note: I wouldve loved to interview the veterans or at least talk to them about their lives and when i say omg i love them i mean it with the upmost respect and theyre all heroes in my eyes.

Eugene roe who hurt you

Careful with that knifey, dont want any stabby yet

The shot of them praying is so visually pleasing and just makes the whole "omg i could be about to die" feeling so much more real

Their cam cream is all so different and it kinda reflects how they are as a person like guarneres just smeared all over, roes is kinda more specific and speirs is just like three fingers ran down his face proper badass style

Guarnere is bout to fight someone

Winters and nixon swaggering along together looking fiiine

Happy hour is every hour for nixon

We'll go to chicago. I'll take you there. WHEN WILL A MARRIED EVER

Nixons smile gives me life

You PEOPLE are at the POSITION of ATTENTION

George luz sounds terrified when he says luz george i love him okay

Private bullshit omg😂

Percontes so smol he must be protected

EUGENE

BUTTS (the barrel) but also liptons. Damn.

EUGENE

Walking in style easy company

I am here for all the liebgott sass

What company is this? Not so easy company

I cant even walk to the fridge without being tired these men were made outta steel. Respect🤘🏻

YAS WINTERS BEING A FAB LEADER AND CHEERING THEM ON YOU GO WINTERS

EUGENE (can u tell whos my fave i dont think u can)

"Lieutenant sobel does not hate easy company private randleman. He just hates you." "Thankyou sir."

Winters saying what sobel says but in a different way reminds me of when you copy your friends essay but change it up slightly

Mmmmmm mess hall food

"Why them?" "It was their turn."

Winters' "over as a team"

This scene really shows what bob is all about lowkey gives me boosgumps (i meant goosebumps but i couldnt stop laughing at boosgumps so imma keep it in)

"Uh its a can of peaches sir"

WINTERS' TINY SMILE OMG

"Lieutenant winters?" *both winters and nixon turn around*

"I like spaghetti" suuuuuuuure sobel you like it cus it reminds you of snakes and thats how youre acting pal. Snek.

Everytime i watch this i want to eat spaghetti

EUGENE

"this aint spaghetti. This is army noodles with ketchup"

Guarnere knew it twas too good to be true

George luz starting a lil sing along sesh good man keep the morale up

ZIM ZAM GODDAMN WE'RE AIRBORN INFANTRY

YAS GUARNERE so fine

A lot of moods portrayed in percontes face in like 5 seconds

"Corporal toye. There will be no leaning in my company. Are those dusty jumpwings? How dyou expect to slay the huns with dust on your jumpwings?!"

Fun fact joe toye was originally goan be a medic and trained and stuff but saw paratroopers got more money so signed himself up😂

Leibgott serving looooooks

Sobels like an excited 8 year old. He hits winters and then goes "lets just get em" with big ol wide eyes

EUGENE (yup im gonna do this all the time)

Their faces in this scene are golden

EUGENE (told you)

The troublesome threesome

Nixon gives sobel so much shade

Joe toye and joe liebgott lookin oh so gooood

Im always fumbling with grenades same liebgott same

"Going my way? Wherever the train takes me"

"If i thought youd drink it i wouldnt offer it to you"

Look at lil harry all sleepy

Blithe!!!!

Fun fact: blithe didnt actually get shot in the neck, he was hit in the shoulder and didnt die from his wounds.

Joe toyes whole speechy bit here i could put this on loop and fall asleep dreaming sweet dreams.

"Really? Its hot in africa?" "Shaddap"

Luz climbing the bunks is insanely satisfying for some reason

Wuh oh liebgotts comin in hot

Fun fact liebgott was actually roman catholic, it even said so on his dogtag but he found it funny everyone thought he was a jew so he didnt object

Theyre basically just huggin for like 3 seconds

Those two playing cards while everything goes down around them is so relatable

"Nooooo you wanna kill 'im!!"

Shiftaaaayy

Ah wam bam bam

Omg this bit gives me life and the fact it actually happens is just so much better

Fun fact Luz actually didnt get caught for this cus nobody wanted to "rat him out"

"There should be no fence here." "Uh... we could go over it sir"

"Hey luz. Can you do major horton?" "Does a wild bear crap in the woods son?"

Luzs smile:')

Tipper knows whats up. He smiling real goofy

"What. is the god...damn hoooold up mistersobel?"

The way winters manages to command his men so well. So precise. So beautiful.

"Youve done it now yanks. Youve captured me."

Winters chuckle😂

Omg malarkey and perconte in those vests is too much

Oi pal dont just drive through a game of basketball

Nixons "mmhm" to evans

"For crying out loud. Misspelled court martial"

Fun fact Winters actually didnt say any of this to sobel, he just took sobels nonsense quietly but still requested a trail by court martial

"May i borrow your pen sir" *imediately takes pen out of sobels hand*

Sobel ws such a bad leader in the eyes of the men that this group of ncos all refused to serve in easy company even though it meant they could be killed.

In formation

Winters afection for easy. "Never put yourself in a position where you can take from these men"

Nixons french

EUGENE

I could use some brass knuckles

EUGENE (its a reflex at this point)

Liebgott pls no spit

DONT USE THE LEG BAGS JUST CUS THE ENGLISH TROOPS USE THEM stick to your guts

"Tonaaaght is the naaahgt..... of nights."

EUGENE

Theres always one guy who talks during a film

Round of applause for frank j hughes for that reaction

Somber music for a somber mood

DOC ROE

Winters looks at them all in the eye after helping them up and i want to know if the extra long shot of roe and winters hands was done on purpose or....

[thenameisbinx]

Blame Monday

ive been wanting to write down this entry since tuesday but i was busy trying to regulate my thoughts. Writing has always been my point of solace where in i find peace of mind and a completely different outlet as to talking to my friends about what im going through. i’ve set to making this entry in defining my roles and the effect of them. however, i ended up realizing its too complicated to describe. 

so let’s start it like this instead. 

Facade - a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect

OK. let’s not waste anytime by letting people see who you really are.  Smile for the audience and don’t show that your hurt, in pain, or depressed. Keep moving and show that you’re fine. be in everyone’s good graces. please them like a slave. adapt, change for them, plead for their acceptance. All the while, bury your thoughts of reality within you. you’ll get to that stage where youre always wanted. 

Reality bites. you keep wearing a mask for too long that you forget how to be weak, to be vulnerable. i learned that word when i was seven. one of the words you learn at that age where words originating from the french language. it was along the lines of “rendezvous” words or english classes that tries to teach different sounds of words that has literal sounding letters. When the teacher told us what it means, i always thought it was acting. Facade is a character that you want to play but not in a movie, but in your life. it dawned on me that ive been doing that awhile. since i could remember. Then i keep just playing along. 

Before, i would bring the sadness of my day by showing to the people that i’m ok. That it doesnt hurt. My mom pulled my hair and complained how thick it was, even if i was sitting still not wanting her to try to do my hair. called me, “worthless” and “incompetent”. instead of crying, i’d laugh and play around with some classmates the moment i get to school. Or the time that my sister made fun of how ugly i was in front of her friends, that i’m just an orphan. I just talked back and said, “Well, at least im not fat.” Then, there was this one time that my dad scolded me for trying to play in my undergarments, i wasnt naked but i was wearing a thick white top under my uniform and some thick shorts thats long enough to touch my knee under my skirt, like my friends were doing at school. i wore three layers everyday and wasnt allowed to take it off till i go home but i saw some kids doing it. took a layer off and played. i was 6. Dad dragged me out of my school yard and slapped me right in front of the guard. Don’t get me started with my brother. let’s just say, he never made me feel like im important in the family. he’s the only person that treats me like im nothing and no one until now. like my opinions didnt matter, or as if what i do doesnt have any relevance. yet, i’m the jolly one. the funny one. the energetic one. the loud one. the push over. easy definition, the masochist. Harsh but partially true.  

Now, implications. still, verbal cues. like, “lazy”, or “stupid”. in the family, its more verbal but emotional responses. Mostly they cuss, or scream or yell. If i reciprocate the same but not intentionally, i still get scolded. i cant talk back because im just the help. i’m obligated to do what they want me to. Even if im tired from work. Even if i just got dumped. Even if my mind is going through some stuff. 

what you dont know. i go through these every day and i don’t bring it at work or when i go out with “friends”. I’ll go to work with a smile on my face like nothing bad ever happened to my life. i’d put that big smile on my face and just laugh things out. Remember just the little good things that happened and seemingly move on, but i don’t. its slowly sinking into my chest. Subconsciously weeping like a baby, consciously aware that during a meeting i’d want to cry just because i couldnt keep it in a box. i’d clench my fist as if im waiting for my palms to bleed because it crate wasn’t chained shut. it oozes when you can’t regulate. 

Obedient -  submissive to the restraint or command of authority

the words “dont” and “do” are basic commands to me. any question that has “did” are immediate doubt on me or even the start of the sentence “have you” makes me quiver already. i was taught to obey a form of authority. Parents, older siblings, uncles, aunties, prefects, teachers, apparently, anyone who is older. so when someone says, “believe me” or “did you know”, i immediately am in awe. i believe them. the fun fact is stuck in my head. i pass down the knowledge or experience. There’s another word for obedience, gullible.

i was once asked by my brother to go through trash when i was a kid. because he threw something he shouldnt. i was asked to do my sister’s homework because my mom overheard her asking me to do so. i was told by my so called friends to ask people for their numbers for them for their friendship in exchange. I have reached the point that i feel guilty when im not doing what people ask me to. 

imagine working. imagine dating. imagine meeting new people. i can paint a picture but it’s too painful. Subconsciously, i thought i have removed that side of me. unfortunately, reflecting on the past few days, NOPE. i thought my defensive stature in every decision ive made was and the only way to take off that obedience or gullible card. Looks like i have been. being conditioned this way from the very beginning makes it seem impossible to take off. Obedience equals to gullibility. Refusal equals to guilt. 

my dad comes home drunk one time, asked me to give him his gun to point at my brother. i said no, he shook me. no one else stopped me but i obeyed. i talked to my sister’s friends once. she told me never to talk to them and beat me up till i had bruises on my stomach. i wanted to cry when one of her friends talked to me. so i ran away. i wasn’t allowed to sleep until i memorized multiplication set of 9. it was 3AM, i woke up on the bathroom toilet. my mom woke up and asked me to recite it. closed the door and told me to recite it till i said the right answers. there’s consequences if i dont follow. i took that till adulthood. 

i have guilt if i don’t do what i was asked to. more guilt if i really decide not to. it consumes me till i finally give in. i feel regretful right after. then, i completely try to forget. that never happened. ever tried telling your boss no? i learned how to say no last year. i had multiple speeches dedicated to me with people saying, “Do you even know how to say no? do you even hear thank you?” i feel obligated to do what people want. i feel obligated to give what people want or need without being asked to. let’s stop there. i sound stupid. 

Strength -  legal, logical, or moral force;  degree of potency of effect or of concentration

People see what i want them to see. Facade comes into this picture. i’m always strong. can never show my weakness. if i do, i lose. if i don’t, i lose internally. i’ve been playing the supergirl card all my life. issue is, i’m always alone. always the savior never the saved. 

Superhero syndrome. ever heard that song Superman? 

It may sound absurd but don't be naive Even Heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed but won't you concede Even Heroes have the right to dream It's not easy to be me

my whole life revolves three things; work, home, friends. i always wanted to be alone, but i don’t survive it much. never felt wanted anywhere, even if its family or friends. then, work came. loved it because it was the only place the NEEDED me. but seems that i wear my cape there everyday. to the point that i couldnt be clark kent there either. always strong, never vulnerable. 

been saying lately, im tired of being strong. then Monday came. That’s that for strength, it’s pretty self explanatory on my side. it’s too literal of a section so i hope this would suffice. for the last of the entry. 

Tired -  drained of strength and energy

Trigger : work

Action : Resignation

Symptoms : Nausea, shaking hands and knees, vomiting, clouded vision, crying, Lack of sleep, loss of appetite, lack of motivation, heavy breathing, sleep paralysis, sleep apnea

Diagnosis : Unknown

Working Impression : Panic Anxiety Disorder

i’ve defined some of my roles. a glimpse of my mind and soul but to the people i’ll be send a link of this too, i bet you only know some. some, would even say they never knew. you know, i dont share my feeling or these heavy stories. seemed irrelevant. one time, 1st grade. i shared a problem about the family to a friend. This ‘friend’ made it seem too petty to the point i avoided sharing problems since then. i feel like any problem i have has no value to others. so i keep it in. just me. maybe a few blank pages. some ink. mostly tears. by myself. on my own. 

when i feel bad, or depressed when i was a kid. i would cry faintly inside my closet. come out after an hour or two. wiping tears of my face. i got caught once, by my dad. i just said, nope i was just checking my closet. i acted as if what he said before that point was ok. i step out when i feel weird and want to cry. ive learned how to cry heavily without showing an expression or even in a quiet manner. Congrats to me, i brought that till adulthood. 

Until Monday. i tried to put up my mask. but couldnt. i tried to be strong. but couldnt. i tried to obey. but couldnt. i remember asking my boss recently, can i be selfish? all my walls broke down in one day. all my optimism. my positivity. and i thought that i can do it. what people saw of me, they couldnt recognize me. 

i showed me. the weak one. couldnt even get myself to fake it. fake being strong, fake happiness, no mask. i couldnt even try. i was just done. even basing on what ive written on this entry, getting tired wouldnt be an option just yet. i didnt even talk about love or difficulties. i only got to write down instances. i was just done pretending.

since that day, i couldnt regulate. i associated almost everything and get anxious about everything. seeing the exit to my work makes me tense. walking to the building tightens my chest. getting inside makes me palpitate. claustrophobic. i dont usually breathe heavy but the doctor said breathing exercises would help. SOMETIMES it does. but not everytime. 

it took years to learn how to regulate these thoughts that i experience daily and i feel like i have to go through two decades again to learn how. i didnt lose myself, thats for sure. but i feel like im not strong enough to stay in one place anymore. to have the same people in my life anymore. i want to leave. i want to disappear. 

you know what i did after i broke down on my boss? i sat in a Starbucks branch in Molito. and starred out the window for two hours. spaced out. even my friends knew i dont do that. i felt like i died and im just the undead walking around doing my daily routine. 

why am i writing this? it’s 2:35AM. nearly sleepy by the way. i’m writing this for me to realize something. i already just did. i just realized that what people knew of me, wasn’t me. what you see and experience of me now, is the true me and i dont like it. i want to be wild binx on good days. bea when im home. bianca when im at work. looks like i can’t be that for a while. 

to those im sending this link to, i hope you read the whole thing. so you really know where i’m at. youre worried or concerned yea? well, here i am. here it is. i’m sorry im dumping my indifference this way. i’m sorry that im burdening you of my petty problems. i’m sorry i cant be myself. i’m sorry i cant be that person you knew. 

blame Monday. 

[ghost-frogs]

Dream realities

This is gonna probably be a long post but i wanted to really share it and get it off of my chest and its not very important but i thought i would still share it with people. Okay so, every since i was younger i would have my dreams and everything, but of course dreams of my house are slightly altered. Now when i was a kid i of course was scared by this and always associated it was having a nightmare since im generally scared by everything and anything in my life. But one day, i had this dream where, i was being chased by something and it was chasing me in my house. I ran into my living room and spotted the wall that usually separates the livig room and the kitchen and it has a gasp on top of it where we have a bunch of little statues of angels. In my actual real life when facing forwards its to the left, in my dreams its altered so its in the front and right in front of a window. I always used to ignore this but this time i didn't. So i stacked some things up and jumped on top of it and climbed over and i quickly shimmied my way across so the thing chading me wouldnt get me. I feel like i blacked out after that, but when i opened my eyes, i was still in my house, but....things were different. First of all i looked outside, and there were white tulips everywhere, in my actual house i know we cant ever grow anything at all and its always dead outside. But here, there were flowers all over, but the tulips stood out the most to me. The sky, it was also different, my entire yard was different. The sky was always cloudy, and it still seemed sunny out. It was thundering and lightning outside, and on the ground. It was snow! This was amazing to me by the fact that it hardly will rain here where i live, and it only really snows up in the mountains and never anywhere else. I was amazed by it. The first thing i did was go outside to look at everything closer. I dont know why but the first thing i went to look at was where we keep out pet turtle, instead of a turtle i found some frogs and an odd looking plant. It was then that my mom came out of the house and told me that it was a special kind of plant that could make someone forget something or remember something important. I didnt really believe her but i still didnt touch it. I asked her where all of the flowers and frogs came from as they stopped coming to our yard a long time ago and she said to not worry about it. Of course as a more than paranoid kid i still worried about it but i decided to go bavk inside with her and we ate and when i woke up, all i could remember was a slight image of a plant that confused me and gave me an unsettling feeling. I didnt get another dream like that for a while but the next time i could remember it i was still in that place where it was always thundering and there was alwaus snow on the ground. I wanted to be back home but i didnt know why, i could barely remember how i had gotten there in the first place. So i avoided the outside, tending to just look at it through the window becajse it was pretty and something i wanted to be able to remember forever. It was before i had went to climb the wall again that i remembered the plant. I went against my better judgment and went outside and straight to it, there again were the same two butterflies. This time, was different. This time there were two flames above the plant. The plnt itself with a mix of strange vines of different colors, and it reached out into an orb of sorts, the two bigger orbs were grey and the smaller ones were a mix of pink and blue, they glowed from within and around them was a green sort of glow and it had permanent glowing white spots falling around it. There was a pink flame, and a purple flame. I reached for the pink one and when i opened my eyes i was back in my home like if nothing had happened. I woke up after that. the only thing i really remembered that wasnt fading to quickly was the plant. Though i didnt get dreams like that very often after that the plant stayed with me to the point where i drew it so i wouldnt forget what it looked like and even to this day that plant holds a lot of value over me. Everytime i had a dream like those though i wrote it down on different pieces of paper to track what i was doing there and it seems i always got into trouble. I continued with my life desperately this and kept living on however i did. A few months ago though i had a weird dream that scared me so bad that i didnt want it to get dark outside for an entire month. The dream started off with me sitting in my living room and my mom was in the kitchen calming her stomach since she had been drinking the night before and she pukes in the morning. I tend to say things without thinking and so i said something that made me laugh on the tv but i stopped when i realized she was in the kitchen. I couldnt exactly remember if she was oe not even though i had heard her in there, i hadn't actually seen her yet. So i got up to see if she was in there and had heard what i said. She wasnt in there. It freaked me out a little as i know my house is haunted so its often i can encounter things like this. I went back to the living room like nothing had happened but then i went back into the kitchen because i heard her call my name. I thought maybe she was outside, we were having a pretty heavy monsoon at the moment and it was something we hadnt gotten in a long time so i thought she was just outside watching the rain. But then she stopped at our screen door and told me that she wanted to show me something. My mom never shows me anything. Ever. It was unsettling but i said i would go see if she told me what it was, she refused to tell me and avoided the question everytime i brought it up. Finally i cracked and i opened the door and she started running off. I started following her but i stopped when i realized she was going to the back of the house. I thought originally she was just going to the side of it to show me something she found but it was dark outside and i never trust the back sidenof the house. I only trust the right side of it as every other part gets too dark and makes me paranoid to the point that I'll cry. I turned and ran back, i had seem her stop when she saw me turn back and she started going after me. I quickly shut the door behind me and locked it and kept my hands on it since if you just jiggle it it'll open even if its locked. She got there too quickly and got mad at me telling me how she really wanted me to see it. I told her that i didnt want to see it anymore because she wouldnt say what it was that she wantednto sjow so i couldnt trust her. She tried openig the door and started to say really mean things to me but i kept denying her entry into the house because this was not my mom in any way shape or form and i could see that with how she acted. I had woken up in a cold sweat because of that and i deemed her, 'my not mom' and i even started calling my mom 'my mom mom.' I fear my actual mom after that dream for a bit because the dream was so vivid to me and still is to this day. I eventually forgot about it and forgot about the fear but last night i had a dream where again i was being chased. This time i was being chased by my not om and she was close to getting to me. So i remembered the wall and stacked things up and climbed up and shimmied all the way. I opened my eyes and i was bavk in that alternate reality. This time was difference. The outside still looked the same, albeit there were more frogs outside than usual. I was happy to be there because i was away from that thing, whatever it was. But still. Something felt wrong, it was quiet in the house, a little two quiet and thats rare for me. This time my brother was there for me but he talked in a disorted kind of way, i still trusted him since i just felt like i had too, there were pots of something boiling in the kitchen, an open bag of tortillas on the table, there were packages of cookies everywhere. My brother took a pack even if i told him not too, that it wasnt safe to do that, he didnt listen so i went back to ignoring him. I peeked into the hallway and my parents door was open and they werent in there. I found the whole situation odd. It started to feel more and more wrong until the point i woke up. I still cant get it out of my head to be honest and it sort of reminds me of coraline which is just all the more freaky if its like that situation. Point blank, dream realities are a thing for me, I've got dream problems and i dont wanna deal with it anymore because its draining. The end.