#my brain like: just cut them off if they dont care abt u at the level u deserve

[toziers]

trying to give myself a break in regards to my stupid feelings and just let myself Feel Them but in order to do that i have to Feel My Feelings which is what im FUCKING avoiding

[voidzphere]

☆ MASTERPOST // INTRO !!!

[ ALL THE BLOGZ I RUN: @killzbitezz (sideblog) @killersanz (killer sans askblog) @dailykillerr (daily killer sans that i have not posted on yet erm) ]

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

╭───────────── * ˚ ✦

HII !! im killer, but my friendz + mootz call me killz !! welcome to my blog ^_^ i luvv my prtnerz !! @mewobrute @sharkk-fin @glitchy-skull <3 (more stuff under the cut!!)

╰───────────── ✧.* ⋆

✩ ABOUT ME !!! >_<

FIRST OFF, HERE ARE SOME OF MY FLAGZ !!! :3 ↓↓↓

my main prnz are he/it/bite, but i alzo use vamp/fang/bone/skull/blood/gore/knife ! (plz dont refer 2 me w they/them)

my special interest is undertale + utmv ! (if that waznt obv enough..)

i love love LOVE horror gamez .. some of my favz rn are kinitopet, imscared, house, ddlc, rental, and bonnie's bakery :]

I HAVE A PERSONA ! u can find itz ref sheet here :] i uzually draw myself as either him or juzt killer sans !!

I LOOOVE MY MOOTZ, FRIENDZ, AND PARTNERZ <333

some of my current hyperfixationz are fionna & cake, smg4, regretevator, atsv, invader zim, adventure time & dialtown !

i have a guestbook !! leave a little note for me to read if u want :3

some of my fav bandz/artistz are talking heads, misfits, bad brains, rio romeo, lemon demon, will wood, pixies, melanie martinez, alex g, 6arelyhuman, goreshit, sex pistols, potsu, the living tombstone, etc. !

some of my fav songz are alien blues, vampire culture, laplace's angel, dr sunshine is dead, seriously?, genius of love, at the movies, charlie's inferno, etc. !

✩ my tagz !

#killz art - my art !! :3

#killz rb - reblogz

#killz yapz - my yap sessionz

#killz answerz - answerz to my askz

#vent kinda - my (kinda) ventz

#tag/ask game - self-explanatory

#killersanz - stuff related to my killer sans ask blog !

#killz fingie doodlez - stuff i drew w my finger :3

#killz srb - self reblogz

#killz sans - my sonaaa ^_^

✩ dni

basic dni criteria

istz + phobez

epiciller, /r + /sx errorink, etc.

pro/dark/comship (or whatever you call your weirdo selvez..)

irl doublez (unless i knew u beforehand!!) (im irlz of killer, reaper, & epic.)

minorz who post nsfw cuz ion wanna see that shit man go do ur homework

slander of my interestz/special interestz + hyperfixationz like stfu

mockery of me and/or my traitz (i.e my typing quirkz)

unwanted criticism, especially if i didnt ask for it. stfu part 2

anyone i've had drama with + my exez (fuck you)

HOMESTUCK. and hazbin hotel + helluva boss (tbh i dont rlly care if you like these mediaz and interact with me, just dont talk abt it in front of me yknow)

✩ byi + boundariez

i have autism + adhd, BPD, & typing quirkz !! tone indicatorz are optional when talking to me, but i appreciate them.

i'm an irl + fictkin ! i have a few c-linkz as well.

im not a roleplay account btw /srs

my art requestz are alwayz open ! can't promise i'll alwayz do them, but they help me out with inspiration though :3

DO NOT REPOST MY ART. i will find you

if you use my art, credit me. you dont alwayz gotta ask me before usin my art, but i appreciate it if you do !!

my askbox + dmz are alwayz open !! i love meetin new people n gettin to know em :] im fine w tagz, commentz, & spam-likez/reblogz too !

i might accidentally spam-like (i get too excited).

just because i make suggestive jokez and im hypersexual doez not mean i'm not sex-replused from time to time.

im a DID system and use i/me pronounz. i don't talk about my DID often becauze i see it as unimportant to other ppl.

i'm nonhuman !! plz do not refer to me as human. i prefer skeleton termz over everything else. im ur favorite homozexual cryptid-skeleton :3

i tend to ramble, say thingz that are out-of-pocket, have trouble with volume control/typing in all capz, make inappropriate jokez, flirt with & tease my close friendz, etc. if u ever find any of this bothering, plz inform me and i will stop.

i love drama + gossip, i will argue with strangerz on the internet just to spite them bc i find it funny ^_^ (only if theyre in the wrong and deserve it.)

i have strong opinionz and will shit-talk you if you're a weirdo who deservez it.

my blog, my rulez <3

★ last updated: 9/13/24

[intertexts]

OK HI. HELLO ROS <3 standing in ur doorway like this 🧍 listen i will read worm eventually i just have so much HAPPENING. ALL THE TIME RIGHT NOW. AND DONT HAVE THE TIME. and also jrwi has me in a chokehold u know how it b. ANYWAY. i need u 2 tell me as much about new haven wards as u can without like major insane spoilers for worm. little spoilers r ok. i watch/read everything with a few lil spoilers 2 look forward to anyway <3 i know nothing abt the universe of worm (<<has barely made a sizeable dent in it but god i will i prommy) but i wanna know what exactly nhw is about. how does the universe work. how do the powers work. what is the situation with the nhw how and why are they working together where did they all come from!! gimme the nhw lore!!! as much as u can!!!!! looking at u with the biggest saddest wettest eyes rn pls pls pls infodump abt nhw 2 me!!!!!!!! ros pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

HIII HI HI WHISKEY <333 UR INSANE FOR ASKING THIS. BTW. literally insane. grabbing u so hard by the shoulders there is a crazed look in my eye. anyway. FIRST i am tagging @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone here also!!!!!! bc it is his au as much as mine & i am NOT qualified 2 talk abt nhw mark n such. augh.

ok. ok. ok. new haven wards. putting the cut here.

so the basic movement of worm is that powers are from trauma. ridiculously simplified, but that's the base of it-- if you have superpowers, you have them because you went through traumatic events so severe to you specifically that it broke ur brain a little bit. the powers manifest in some way as a reaction to the traumatic scenario. (it is also more complicated than this. playing the spoiler card.) OR secret second option u put urself into indefinite debt to an extremely shadowy and ominous.... organization? person? shadow government branch? conspiracy? and get superpowers in a can, with like, a 10% chance they'll backfire and mutate u into some fucking terrible inhuman shit and then they'll completely memory wipe you and brand you and dump you off somewhere. not really relevant here. because the main way of getting superpowers is to be violently traumatized, cape society in worm tends to be grittier, more violent. there's more villains, the heroes are less shiny marvel or dc and more making whatever moral compromises they need to get the best outcome possible. at one point one of the main heroes in the city worm takes place in tells the sixteen-year-old protagonist "i don't care, there's a kill order out on them, just put a bullet in her brain if you see her, it's fine" and then a while later goes "yeah i'd vote for a kill order out on you guys too," directly to her face. worm is always going "hey, wouldn't it fucking suck if superheroes were real?". there are many horrifying and inhuman and violent threats. sexual and racial and physical violence aren't swept under the rug. these seventeen year olds are sent to crime scenes where flayed and gutted corpses are suspended from the ceilings because they're heroes! ^_^ but this aint about worm this is about the new haven wards!!!!! [wards are the child soldiers junior hero branch of the main syndicated/unionized hero organization, w/ placement in every major city alongside regional protectorate headquarters]

>key things for this au:

--william wisp changed his last name to bell when he moved to new haven (where his brother david lives :) and joined the wards, for another layer of anonymity ^_^ (he is. severely paranoid about his identity & privacy. <- also a Big and Heavy thing in worm/parahumans world. it's a Big Fucking Deal to unmask a cape regardless of their alignment)

-dakota never got the mechanical heart & biomedical augumentation so didn't meet mato cole at that time! he's still dakota damascus :]

-virion... idk why he's still virion & not vyncent actually. probably just because that was the name his parents gave him? we can't change it now though nhw virion & canon vyncent r two different guys to me...

-ashe is the unluckiest fucking guy in the world!!!

their powers are a little different from canon both bc of the ways powers work just being different frm how they do in pd & also because of the "they're always a reflection of the worst moment of ur life that you're just dragging around with you reminding you of it" thing. <333

wibby / whisperer is a breaker/shaker (<- power classifications meaning he has another form he shifts into, and also an area of effect] in his breaker form (crackling white-blue energy) he 1) can control how corporeal he is, or *how* corporeal he is, from "walks into the brick wall" to "doesnt notice there's a brick wall and goes straight through it", to "goes incorporeal to stick his hand in a guy's chest then resolidifies to instakill him" w/ some tradeoffs. & 2) shape/control energy manifestations in a fairly wide radius around him, where the power of the shaped energy is in proportion to the amount of recent death in the area-- if there's a ton of casualties in the area, he can do a lot more than he could in a peaceful small town in the middle of nowhere. the situation with his trigger event was him. growing up socially isolated and half convinced he was going crazy and everyone else Also thought he was fucking insane (deadwood is still haunted!! more haunted :]) for years & years + the loneliness + frustration + unsureness if he's actually the one just. losing it or if it's all really real + the constant feeling of being in danger, that the town is bad and malicious and out to Get you. anyway. he fell, take that as ambiguously as u do for that in canon, didn't die, but was severely injured & couldn't move. just laid there for maybe a day or so in the woods that wanted to kill him. anyway he triggered when he was found! the catalyst was not "the place that's been out to get me my entire life finally succeeded" but the helpless incandescent frustration of "actually nothing i ever do is going to make you understand. i've been trying for so fucking long to make you See It but you won't!!! you never will and you just think i'm crazy or stupid or making it up for attention even though it has such obvious fucking consequences and is manifestly Real!!" he was recruited to the wards by miss g herself, who was like hahahhahaa this kid could be a Really Fucking Big Problem if he doesn't have an eye on him!! ^_^ he never wanted to be a hero, and still doesn't, really, but he's terrified of accidentally hurting people & deadwood is like a weight around his neck and maybe things will be better if he just gets out of here. for a while they're not, of course. he just feels like. y'know. he's another sick thing that crawled out of deadwood, and his powers make that obvious. the way they interact with recently dead shit makes him sick!! living with david is awful-- a big, lovely, lonely high rise apartment, an older brother who barely bothers to speak to him, calls to their mom through the walls going "why is he here? why would you send him here? can he like, go anywhere else?"

virion sol / imprint is a trump (meaning his powers interact With other capes powers.) he can copy powers by touching other parahumans-- the copied power is just as strong as the original, whatever the original is, but he doesn't have an innate sense of how to use it; he can easily be overwhelmed or overstimulated by powers that involve a ton of sensory input, or accidentally loose cannon something he wasn't expecting and can't easily control. regardless, this is a fucking insane power to have. it's so cracked. like within the parahumans-- world, this is something so rare, especially being able to copy the full strength of the power. the very few examples in canon of something similar, the copied power is always inferior. his situation was similar to canon-- the greats were a team of independent heroes, & were like, extended family to virion. he grew up unpowered, but in the cape world-- so many aunts and uncles teaching him security, standard protocols, how to fight capes, how to run cape business and independent team business, how to handle guns and tasers and safely run background checks. y'know. a family's worth of professional knowledge. he never really wanted to be a cape, anyway, he was more than happy to do all the unpowered stuff at home that needed to be done. occasionally he came with them on patrol n stuff or snuck out to watch them. the greats' long term goal was prying out the lich, an extremely heavyweight warlord who had control over most of the city. virion's father struck a deal with the lich-- virion knows as little what the deal was For as he does in canon, but he double crossed the entire team. virion snuck along to the confrontation with the lich (setup) & watched his father turn & murder all of them. still not sure if he did it all himself or just watched as the lich's minions did it, but the way they knew all their weaknesses, how efficient and brutal and unexpected it was-- it was his dad feeding the information. virion stays frozen in shock and horror & hidden during all of this. can't do anything to help. is fucking useless, despite all he knows and has done. for the first time in his life, he wished he had powers, that ram and min and everyone could have taught him how to have and use their powers like they taught him everything else. he triggered watching it all happen. after this, he went on the run, terrified that someone would Know that he saw, that they'd be coming for the loose ends, that his dad would come back for him. all he has of his family is a couple piecemeal things he could grab before he ran-- ram's favorite revolvers, a holy medal of alphonz's, some of his mom's sturdy jewelry. anyway, he ran, moved to a different city, new haven. started figuring out his powers, started targeting specifically other capes who were up to bad shit-- minor to mid league villains, the occasional local hero who would Look squeaky clean, but after their sudden death dirty secrets would come out, etc. all very low-key, very subtle. none of the disappearances or deaths looked related. during this period he is SO fucked up. he is so fucked in the head. he's incredibly hypervigilant and paranoid and jumpy (good at looking unbothered and still clocking every single sound and movement and always facing doors and windows), mired in the grief and guilt and horror at. watching his entire family slaughtered and life shattered in a night. sleeps for no more than two hours or so at a time. even on top of the lich and his dad... what he's been doing puts an even bigger target on his back. doesn't have time or heart for anything but the dirty work. is dissociating through the periods of time where he's not actively hunting someone down or on the job. silhouette is the one who puts the pieces together-- of course he's on the protectorate (hero organization) radar. sure he's only been targeting bad guys, but how clean each one was? how well covered they all are? how whoever this is has allegedly killed at least almost two hands' worth of capes in cold blood by now? sets off alarms, if you're looking!!

anyway, silhouette tracks him down, says hey, i know who you are, i know what happened. you're just a kid. you join us, and you'll gain the resources and skill to be able to get revenge. aren't you tired of running? now... virion took to this fast and well when he did, but. before it all, he was just a teenager. despite the family business, he was just some guy! he helped his mom cook and got help with schoolwork at the kitchen table and his cool aunts took him out for lunch. he never wanted this or expected it. and of course he doesn't trust the heroes farther than he can spit, but... it's something. it's better than this. anything has to be better than the way he's driving himself into the ground. & also, of course. if silhouette can find him. anyone else who's looking for him can too. (i don't think he's even registered on the radar of anyone. his dad didn't actually survive the lich, obviously, & he was the only other one who really knew abt virion + nobody knew he triggered. he's just. so fucking paranoid.)

dakota damascus / failsafe is a thinker/mover. he 1) has a precognitive sense of any pain that anyone in a radius around him will feel in the next short amount of time. this is-- varyingly difficult to block. he can't just Choose not to feel it, although the intensity of the feeling, again, varies. mostly proportionally to how severe the pain actually is, or how many people are hurt, but, with time, he can dull or sharpen it + follow the threads of it to discern Who exactly is in pain, rather than just an ambient sensation. 2) is VERY fast & has matching enhanced cognitive speed. these two abilities work SO good together, both in combat situations & also just day to day patrolling. man. i love dakota. anyway, he triggered young-- he was out with his parents (maybe 7/8) and they got caught in an attack by siberian-- a genuinely indestructible, incredibly powerful villain who can just,,, run her hand through a concrete foundation like it's butter & collapse buildings, or scoop out peoples insides in a heartbeat. and also likes to eat people, like, raw and bloody after dismembering them. whatever level of ultraviolent shocking horror u are imagining. double it. anyway. they got caught in the scene of this attack, dakota got separated from his parents in the panic and stampede and rush to get out-- he's seven! it's terrifying levels of panic and claustrophobia and people shoving and trampling and he's not gonna leave without his parents!! of course not!! he triggers from the fear and the disorientation and the panic & he can't find them & he's trying to fight the crowd but he barely comes up past their knees & there's awful sounds of fighting & he's close enough to see her... things are doubly disorienting with the echo of the agony from everyone who gets Fucking Siberianed. he sees most of the fight. um. a while after she's driven away and it's finally finished he finds what's left of his parents. there's a beat in worm, during an encounter with siberian and the Big Heroes, the prime force equivalent, where they just.. give her a victim to chew on because it makes her happier and less of a nightmare to fight. which is something i think about frequently. anyway, after this things are kind of loose, similar to canon. he does the same shit. it's also quieter and you can feel less people hurting the higher up u are. yk? OH GOD. YEAH. at some point after this we still have not hammered it out. he confronts the slaughterhouse 9 (the supervillain group that attacked/siberian is part of) about it & gets his face slit open (half chelsea smile style) & makes a deal to either kill a guy in [n years] or that guy will kill him & several hundred other people!!!!!!!!!!!! dakota damascus killing a man baked into the bones of nhw!!!

anyway he & cat still fell. he underwent a second trigger event when this happened, actually-- the panic and desperation of that situation + the way it echoed his first trigger, etc. this is also super fucking rare, btw. there are very few second triggers & it is almost Never good. (u cannot trigger more than twice + a second trigger is always a refining or an improving of the intent of the original trigger) so that's where the speed etc. came from. tide found him, gave him. a better support system (low bar!!) + a real purpose in joining the wards. i have a lot of feelings abt this.

ashe / auxiliary / muse is also a shaker/breaker!!!!! his backstory i cannot talk too much about because it is Big Spoilers. but he is a fucking powerful telekinetic (around when he joins the wards, having not really used his power in years, he has an upper weight limit of a couple times his body weight & a fairly large radius of effect). he also has a breaker form that only triggers in certain situations & if he really really pushes himself to breaking w/ his powers-- when he enters it, he loses lucidity, for the most part, & starts warping and stretching and breaking space-time in strange, dreamlike ways-- the pavement melts, or everything gets bouncy, or cars and concrete chunks and things with no business moving float slowly around like balloons, or he pulls and crumples reality to move without really moving.... it gets Real fucking bad, real fast. ANYWAY. he eventually sneaks out one night, walks to a gas station to get. snacks. it-- okay, i'm fucking linking mac's post, i CANNOT summarize all of this concisely. go read that. so. that's ashe's deal!!!!!!!!!

THERE'S ALSO. MARK. ASK MAC ABOUT MARK i have typed this entire thing out on myfucking phone keyboard i literally Cannot keep going. help. and also their mark stuff is so fucking good its so. auuuhhgh. AND ALSO DAVID BELL. WHO WORKS FOR THE ORGANIZATION THAT SELLS U SUPERPOWERS IN A CAN W A CHANCE OF GETTING TURNED INTO AN UNRECOGNIZABLE MONSTER AND DOES HUMAN ABDUCTION AND EXPERIMENTATION. AND JADE AND X AND ALLEN ARE THE FREEDOM CITY WARDS AND GRAYSCALE SHAKES OUT EVEN FUCKING WORSE THAN IT DID IN CANON. YEAH.

SO. YEAHG. THATS. THATS THE MOST OF IT. um. yeah. theyre a dreadful little polycule they are. So fucking clingy they r traumabonded. like little trembling chihuahua puppies. separation anxiety and all. virion and dakota share a comfy old victorian house in a suburban neighborhood maybe a fifteen minute walk from the protectorate hq. wibby starts out living w/ david and eventually just... all his stuff moves over to their place. their clothes r all mixed up they know each others blood types they're all sleeping together on the couch. eventually their house gets blown up. they all get various flavors of nightmare & are 1 million shades of debilitatingly mentally ill but like-- it works. they r good for each other. theyre good together. do not separate them. etc. i'm not even gonna fucking START talking abt their dynamics other than that but like. i mean. if you want a repeat of THIS u can always ask!!!!!!!

[gomacave]

Yessss, thank u! Ok, this is pre written, word vomit incoming

They both come from the same orphanage, Aerith's mom died by natural causes (since there's no shinra) and Lucretia and Hojo... You decide, a lot can be done there. Anyway, they were... Kind of childhood friends/acquaintances; Aerith was younger, but she thought seph was very pretty and insisted on talking with her. Seph thought she was sweet, and indulged her sometimes, and did come to care for her in some way. Then Aerith is adopted by Elmyra, and that's that. Seph is adopted later, and they see each other again at the school that they end up going to years later. Seph initially tries to feel glad that Aerith was adopted and being cared for, though she did feel a level of jealousy. Over the years that jealousy grows, and the more she sees her have so many more friends than her, and a caring mother and a life that she so desperately wants, it grows into resentment. Especially since they come from the same background. (What's so different abt her that she gets to have everything and I get nothing?) it culminates, ofc, in her rejecting humanity in favor of a divine calling, not realizing the warmth and love that she seeks come from the very same humanity that she's disparaging.

Bonus, Aerith tries to be friends with Seph again, starting conversations and searching for her when she tries to hide, but seph reads Aerith's actions as pity or mockery. And/or seph can't let go of her jealousy and talking with her is just a reminder of how effortlessly charismatic and friendly she is, and she hates it

I'm so normal abt your au <3

little comic +

aerti designs...!

OUGGHHGHGHGHG YOURE SO FUCKING REAL FOR THIS MY GODDDDDDDD 🫵🫵🫵 FUCKKK BRO THE SHAME OF COMING IN CONTACT W A GENTLE CREATURE WHO KNOWS LOVE BROOOOO......... UR MAKING MY BRAIN EXPLODE W NEVER B4 CONSIDERED AER/SEPH BRAINWORMS...... GOD the idea that seph who has built up this skill of being able to live w/out love suddenly being offered it by aerith after they grow older and seeing how she hasn't changed while seph herself has just grown bitterer and bitterer BITING MY DESK. ashamed of her life as if it were a stained or threadbare piece of clothing moment <- unwell. but at least she has power. and a divine mission. so she doesnt need love....!

ok more thoughts under cut cuz i dont want this to get monster length

I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH............. aerith and seph coming from the same origins is so crucial to my enjoyment of ff7 and i think making them grow up in the same orphanage is. bites glass. anyways.

i like the idea of maybe the catholic school and the orphanage being connected (maybe through the same wealthy family that has connections 2 both) and so seph grows up and is an exemplary student since she was young and is adopted/sponsored by the family as like. a PR move lowkey. (maybe by hojo, maybe by the shinra fam) but in reality she's treated more like a coworker or side show by everyone around her but she gets the prestige of being a "child prodigy" and "shinra's pride and joy" so she's like a lowkey celeb in the student body but also idk maybe they make her attend outside events like galas and stuff and preach about how shinra has been soooo good to her and her future she owes to the company and family

this vs aerith finding a genuinely loving home outside of the orphanage and escaping it (YELLING) and coming back i love the idea of. like. her symbolizing freedom/hope/love to seph and making her SO MAD AND JEALOUS because what did she work so hard for. she worked so hard to get to the top and escape the shit situation they were in and now she discovers that aerith, without doing anything, achieved the life she thought was forbidden from them (BECAUSE LOVE SHOULD NOT BE EARNED) and has her worldview shattered from this. (the notion that the orphanage is inescapable and that hard work will earn her salvation from this life)

ANHWAHS i think she shrugs this all off w the divine mission thing (HEALTHY THING TO DO) and also i love the idea that higher purpose is the only thing that seph knows how to live for as somebody deprived of autonomy and raised as a human weapon (in canon). aer/seph making me UOOOUGHGH (im craaazzy im insanee gif)

^ seph, to me,

[hinamie]

ok i have composed myself i have transcribed the lyrics for wish you were here as best as i could. i am going to listen to this and only this until i lose interest or the ability to hear, whichever happens first

this song is SUCH a bop the soft guitar intro in2 the main beat is so good but can we TALK . about how . HE STARTS IT WITH A "MWAH" WHAT A FUCKING ICON I LOVE HIM I LOVE THEMMMMM the percussion is so good i love the soft offbeat claps in th bg they add such a nice lil pep n especially in verse 2 after "love you even if you hate my guts" they add like 4 extra clap beats and i am !!!!!!! ASCENDING

verse 1 is iconic i love the line "pack up my head might mail it back to your house" its so fucking funny it reminds me of that post thts like "i didn't know how to deal with the fact that i had a crush so i wrote her a note that said get out of my school" . but listenok listen. verse 2 is the one they posted a snippet of last year and first of all i love the electric-y/tv-turning off/guitar slide/quiet video game laser effect as the vocals start it makes my brain buzz aNYWAY this verse is my favourite between the two and has absolutely s tier lines such as "as long as you think of me I don't care what" and "love you even if you hate my guts" PLUS the lil clappy bits i mentioned they r so GOOD. not to mention his voice pls.,,, he sounds so good when he belts,,, his voice has a slight rasp to it that they lean into with the slightly muffled old speaker sound god he sounds so good all the TIME his vocals are so clear when he hangs on the words "singing" and "myself" into the chorus PLS. also the bg vocal 'a t-t-t-touch too sentimental' is so gd CATCHY

speaking of the chorus oh my god the CHORUS. the desperate cry of "don't you miss me? / don't you want me around?" is so devastating and heartfelt head in HANDS also the lyrics . im so excited abt them i cannot put into words how !!!!!!!! they make me just. gestures helplessly

wishful thinking is all that’s holding me down  lost on a blue moon  i wish you were here right now

in chorus 2 especially the way the beat cuts out after "lost on a blue moon" n comes back after "I wish you were here"??? AUDIBLE SEROTONIN TO ME ((plus in the final chorus changing the "lost on a blue moon" to "not like you used to" ??????? OW ???????????? that had a lil kick that got me a bit.. , being stuck with ur own wishful thinking as a stand-in for the physical affection of the person u like,,, ....fushiguro touch starved megu- *is shot dead*)))

HOWEVER the absolute lyrical Backbone of this song is the fucking bridge. i knew it would be i heard the snippet ages ago and i was like holy shit these lyrics go hard what are they from only to b dismayed to find that whatever song they were from did not yet exist. but now it DOES and i can listen to the way the bridge sounds like lights dimming. like headlights passing through a hazy window. it sounds like clouds parting

nobody else in this life or next  will ever have me the way that you do nothing in hell, heaven, earth, or the rest could ever take me away from you

THAT FUCKING EMOTIONAL BOMBSHELL against the original soft guitar from the intro drop the drums just reverb-y lyrics and background vocals and some of the most romantic fucking lyrics i've had the pleasure of reading let alone hearing one of my favourite artists sing.

i am going to once again fuse my fv brainrot with my megumi brainrot. realistically ik this is probably a missing your ex song but i do not care. this is a longing megumi song to me i dont CARE argue with a WALL (said to no one). the verses and chorus are pine-y and a bit snarky n very i like-like you and don't know what to do with how much i miss you. it's wry and frustrated n just tsundere enough but then u get to the bridge n there lies the sheer undying devotION god im unweLL this is all i'm going to listen to. this was worth waiting a year for if this is part of a new album they have in production im actually going to die

[formula-fun]

my love. today I read your venom au finally (idk why I was putting it off, probs bc I wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible before I go into venom!max brain rot). RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ABSOLUTELY AMAZING FIC!!!!!!! DETHRONED YOUR OWN ABO FIC FROM MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVESSSSSSSSS

in all seriousness tho, I loved it so much, max is so silly there:] he's just a big goopy lad who's obsessed with his human and I have to respect it (me too, mate, me too).

now my love, I have a question that burns me which I'm afraid I have to ask: how upset is max that he can't get his human pregnant? and does he make his indignation with charles' biology known? alternatively: mpreg? 🤲🏻? venom style mpreg? 🤲🏻🤲🏻? for me? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻? lestappen with a lil goop baby that wrecks havoc and who lives in charles' pockets? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻?

thank u for the fic mwah mwah kissing you loving you all that shabam

my LOVE! thank you sm i'm glad you liked it!! <3333 dethroning if i had words is CRAZY my evil little goo fic has come so far hashasahsah no i have so much fun writing them being silly and bullying each other in charles' brain, it's a good time!!

and im gonna write under the cut because i love this question, i have many many many thoughts. this is also gonna show how little regard i have for the source material unfortunately. but im having FUN

so i wrote a snippet a little while ago abt max's reproductive cycle because apparently this au wasnt weird enough, and basically long story short HE can get pregnant and has in the past, but symbiote babies are very vicious and hungry and their first act in life is usually either to eat their parent or be eaten. so max's parenting instincts are pretty nonexistent. they also reproduce asexually, so his mating instincts are similarly nonexistent. sort of. for a while

max is in love with everything about earth though. he loves that so many creatures instinctively care for the young of even other species, he loves that reproduction is a decision between two parties, he loves that humans devote so much of themselves to raising their young. he finds it all kind of sweet, but the weight of it didnt really click until charles found out max could have babies but was disappointed to learn they couldnt raise them and love them like humans do. its like he hadnt really considered that could even be possible for them, but once he learns there might be a way he goes all warm and soft and max is like ??

cause then max realizes all at once, like. he wants to make something with me. he wants to do the things that humans do when they raise their young, he wants to be with me forever and ever, he wants me because his oldest most ancient instinct thinks i would make a good mate and i would take good care of his babies. he wants to have sex because it feels good and he wants it to be me because he loves me, but maybe also he wants it to be me because he wants me to help him make something thats a little bit of both of us?? and welcome 2 earth alien blob max w a breeding kink

and i dont know, i would like to say they find a way around the problem eventually. maybe there's some way it works out? maybe it's some sort of nature vs nurture situation where max's babies end up being super chill because they were raised in a loving environment, or maybe symbiotes arent driven by a base urge to consume, it's just a product of their hive mind which has been silent since the civil war started. maybe any babies max has end up taking on a lot of charles' characteristics simply because charles was hosting him when they were created. it's possible they find a way around it and get a lil goo ball to call their own. maybe max almost does eat it until he feels how anguished charles is abt it, and then he looks down and registers that their baby is the same soft pink as charles' palms and eyelids and the tips of his ears, and all at once he just can't do it

but yeah definitely a lot of room here for exploration and discovery to say the least dfjskfjsdf

[i-eat-lip-gloss]

a fucking rant. tw: suicidal thoughts

i remember last night i thought. what if i just restart my life? only tell umbrella, fake my death, and move away to some new state. just get away from this goddamn place, get a new family, start fresh. basically kill myself but only here in this town. and also get a new # and cut everyone else off. maybe, this is more in my grasp, but i actually tell my parents i need a week or two away from them and everyone, and maybe i can have bubble take me in for a bit. they may be more willing, since in the past theyve helped w school mornings bc both parents had work early, so they just dropped me n my sis off at bubble's and they helped us get completely ready and drive us to school. maybe they can help…that's what i thought at least. so bubble said she couldnt bc her parents r already having a little trouble taking care of her and her siblings, so then i asked another friend (for future ref ima call herr ummmmm bead. like a bracelet bead) and she said not a week, her mom couldnt do that, BUT for a night or 2. we agreed for 2 nights in abt a week and we're both gonna talk to our moms abt it. and i asked umbrella as the last resort for the remaining week or so, since she seems like a safe option. "At most, my mom would say two or three nights but it def prob wont be a week. Bc my mom is also not doing the best with money. But i mean, it might work out if u give my mom a good enough reason" was umbrella's response. or at this rate i can just…actually idk. idk what i can do if this doesn't work out. i need at least a week and a half out of this house and isolated from my family and most my friends or i'll prob kms. but, i honestly should've expected this, i can't have a week. i can ask yet another willing friend, but that'll be hopping to like 3 diff houses in a week. at this rate i'll just run away and camp in the goddamn woods or som' idfk. but i do really appreciate all the help i can get. i just…i'm fucking lost. im lost in a state of barely keeping myself alive and needing to isolate and take a huge break from everyone but i cant…im getting help from dear friends, but its not quite enough…i need help but i cant get it. i dont fucking know what to do. im barely holding on by the threads here.

ugh i have so much i need to think on. what to do right here in the moment, keep myself alive, how to present this to my parents, how i'll play it out, how i'll even fake my own death n stuff, other options i can do, etc. im just…again, lost. my brain is scrambled and im on the verge of grabbing my bandana and hanging myself or smth. umbrella, @marshhell, @bananabreadcroissant, @howdydoodle-toodleloo r the only ppl keeping me alive.

[cubedmango]

oh god ok so what i did was just rewatch the episode and wrote thoughts as they came along but that made it really song so IM VERY SORRY IN ADVANCED BUT I HOPE U ENJOY READING THOUGHTS 1) adachi taking care of kurosawa by getting him the day off makes me want to bite something theyre so sweet 2) kurosawas worries in the beginning IM JUST. I NEED HIM TO CATCH A BREAK SO MUCH BUT I KNOW THAT IS NOT COMING THIS EP 3) i will beat the other companys ass up for bringing everyone so much stress (1/???)

KFHDKFHKDKF DONT BE SORRY reading these asks was so fun, and A Huge Mood on everything u said fr 😔 (gonna put the rest of them here under the cut bc it got long fhsjhd)

(2/?) 1) adachi going up to talk to the other company when kurosawa isnt there yet bc he wants to defend him like saying he didnt have any documents with IM JUST. LIKE THINKING HOW MUCH HE'S GROWN.... speaking so clearly and everything 2) but god the way he came in and was like adachis worried abt me like sir im glad ur happy (?) abt that but ;v; the ppl who want to bite ur head off - so endeared by rokkaku being like why didnt u let me talk to them >:( hes everything to me

THAT THING W ADACHI EXACTLY !!!! HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SOBS LOUDLY........

kurosawa, hungover and deeply sad and having to come into office on his day off: but i still have to be gay though . adachi cares abt me wow <3

ROKKAKU MY BELOVED HES SOOO [incomprehensible noises] hes my little son i care he

(3/?) 1) kurosawa not wanting adachi to come along bc he doesnt want him to see him like that like ?? hey?? u stop thinking like that- BUT LIKE I REALLY LIKE HOW WHEN EVERYONES TALKING ABT KUROSAWAS MISTAKE... adachi is the first to speak up for him because yeah!!! ur right!! everyones asking him for help!! and rokkaku being like we're depending so much on kurosawa!! AND IM JUST. HOW IT PARALLELS THE TIME IN THE COMPANY RETREAT WHEN KUROSAWA STOOD UP FOR ADACHI....

YEAHHH THE EP 4 PARALLELS and adachi actually reminding everyone that kurosawa is also Just Some Guy Who Makes Mistakes is ..... smth smth park bench scene flashbacks cries

(4/?) 1) glad urabe was like we should take care of each other like yeah and WHEN URABE WAS LIKE THATS TRUE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MEN IT MADE ME LOSE MY SHIT like yep! close friends! and i also lost it how like right after rokkaku was like let me go! if theres a fight we'll outnumber them! LIKE ITS ALWAYS ABOUT FIGHTS WITH U.... hes so unhinged 2)kurosawa being upset that adachis protecting him like cmon man...ur not useless!!!!!! adachi saying who protects who doesnt matter like yes go off adachi

urabe said "u two look like a couple. a couple of besties!"

rokkaku always down to throw hands no matter what universe its beautiful

UR RIGHT ADACHI...... U BOTH PROTECT EACH OTHER..... WAILS.............

(5/?) 1) kurosawa is so ridiculous getting like jealous of tsuge holding onto adachis shoulder and stuff even if i have to acquiese that hes right them suddenly not talking to each other is a lil eyebrow raising 2) also adachi buying time for kurosawa so he can send an email so true <3 we love to see it- LIKE WHAT KUROSAWA DID I WAS LIKE YEAHHH LETS GO!!! u go make sure its no longer ur problem 3) AND JUST. adachis presence gave kurosawa the ability to do this. like wow... his strength for real

kurodachi power couple-ing their way into getting back at the other company so true their brains are so massive. personally i loved adachi finding the footage himself in like 10 seconds flat and then he goes to the other guys and says "im not good w that stuff" its so fucking funny. king shit

(6/?) 1) GOD AND HOW KUROSAWA SAID HE WAS SO HAPPY THEY BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN SILENT UNDERSTANDING NOW LIKE THATS SO ENDEARING HOW HES HAPPY ABT IT BUT ALSO. YEAH. 2) them just holding hands and taking a walk rlly made me feel a type of way like my god its so sweet i cant believe these two- when adachi was telling him how he didnt believe it at first bc kurosawa was perfect and how he sees himself as boring and kurosawa instantly was like youre great too they make me sick in such a positive way

THE HAND HOLDING GODDDD adachi being comfortable enough letting it happen in public made me Scream . also i hc'd maybe he wanted to bc he thought it might be the last time he gets to do it ..... Haha :)

THE FUCKIGNGJDNGJ KUROSAWA IMMEDIATELY DEFENDING HIM AAAUGGHH hes literally finding out magic is real and his bfs been reading his mind his whole time AND YET???? HIS FIRST INSTINCT IS TO COMFORT ADACHI???????? i hate these two i hate them (real)

(7/8) 1) AND HOW KUROSAWA WAS LIKE WAIT THATS NOT THE POINT AND LIKE ASKING FOR HELP. 2) adachi being like so amused abt how kurosawa had such odd thoughts like god theyre so in love i cant believe them 3) ADACHI TELLING HIM ALL THE THINGS HE REMEMBERS ABT KUROSAWA AND HOW AT FIRST HE THOUGHT IT WAS STRANGE BUT THEN IT EVENTUALLY MADE HIS HEART BEAT FASTER LIKE. IM SO UNWELL. SO FUCKING UNWELL. LIKE HE THINKS EVERYTHING ABT HIM IS CUTE LIKE CMONNN I NEED TO PUNCH THE AIR FROM THIS

all those flashbacks got me so bad i swear esp the forehead kiss one i had to lie down....... these two make me so sick i cant handle it

(8/8) AND. AND. AND. THE CALLBACK TO KUROSAWAS CONFESSION. THE PARALLELS ABT HOW THIS IS ALL SO MUCH AND RESPECTING WHATEVRE CHOICE IS MADE. IM JUST SO. how did u handle this at the time how. -- IM REALLY SORRY I RLLY DID JUST SEND 8 ASKS I HOPE THEYRE SOMEONE READABLE

THE EP 7 CONFESSION PARALLEL TOOK ME OUT I CANT BELIEVE THEY DID THAT........... i did not handle it well i spent the whole week up to ep13 coming up with . So many possible ideas for what could happen next it was A Time . the actual ep13 made me insane tho its too good pls look forward to it

FKHSFKJD AGAIN DW !!! ur always welcome to scream abt cm in my inbox its v fun seeing other ppl react to the radio drama hehehe

[unsafecoma]

YAYAYYA i wanted to do madamemiz's ask game about the DCA because i llike them 🫶 UNDER THE CUT !! ! !! ! !!!

how did you get here?

my hyperfix on the dca started earrrly january this year because i played hw2 and was promptly swept off my feet and ive been sick over them since. id played it before , but started playing again bc i wanted too 100% the game! oh if only id known !!

2. why these characters in particular? what was the hook for you?

originally it was Sun that hooked me onto both of them. hes just so silly!! and such a prissy bitch!! and i love it!! plus i love the idea of 2 separate ids in one body, thats always fun to mess with 😋

3. how long have you been here?

since early january of this year!! though, im not SUPER active in the fandom itself. i just silently enjoy fanart/fics , and VERY RARELY draw and post on my art bog. im not a big participator in fandom itself, im perfectly comfy just watching.

4. have you actually played fnaf sb?

NO. and i do not plan to. the game is too buggy to pay 40 bucks for it, plus i really dont wanna give scott anymore money (fuck you scott cawthon i hate you scott cawthon a million plagues upon you and your life scott cawthon) so ill pass. im perfectly fine with just watching videos.

5. if you make content, what's your favorite piece you've contributed?

THIS POST!! i love vocaloid, and i love the dca, and whats better than combining the two? i was especially proud of myself bc these were animations, which is something i NEEEVERRR to, so id say i was pretty damn happy with these!!

6. what's your favorite sort of art or fic? what genre/flavor/style?

ive still yet to actually read any fics abt the dca (im in the process of reading one about djmm rn <3 its so good i love it so much <333) but im a sucker for angst w/a happy end (the heart wants what the heart wants, and who am i to deny ?)

7. what's your favorite au?

i like aquatic aus for the dca!!!!! i love seeing all the different designs ppl give them ... i also rlly like cowboy/western aus too :)

8. do you have any ocs, or have any ocs you're fond of?

not yet, but ive absolutely thought about it!! maybe one day ... (for now though, im happy with my silly little technician s/i hehe)

9. what do you think of the dca's canon appearance? Scary? Cute? Something else?

I LOVE THEM I THINK THEYRE SO PRETTYYYYYYYYYY i dont really see them as scary from looks alone tbh, like MAYBE moon but it'd have to be rlly dark so it was just his glowing eyes visible. other than that they are just silly billys cutie patooties to me. id pinch their cheeks if i could (i mean i know u can but. ykwim)

10. what keeps you in this fandom despite the very small amount of canon content the dca had?

im kept sane by both my own brain's constant thoughts abt these robots, and also the art and writing made by other fans!! i 🫶 images.

11. be honest: if you had to pick only one, sun or moon?

:( i GUESS sun, if i HAD to choose, only bc Moon's the one with the virus. it feels so wrong to separate them. you wound me.

12. thoughts on eclipse?

I LOVE THEM!!!!!!! i hc that eclipse isnt one whole robot, but its a state of being where sun and moon are both comfortably, equally in control of the body. so like ... in a WAY they could seem blended into one whole ai, but theyre both still in there, and have moments of one overtaking the other, while still as "eclipse".

13. thoughts on pre-glitch sun?

I feel like pre glitch Sun was juuust starting to get a bit overworked and burnt out, like right before the virus (and afterwards, it jsut got worse and worse). i think the DCA are genuinely good at taking care of kids, they just slip up often and arent absolutely perfect at it (unlike how they would be, if they were actually made to be caretakers and not theater animatronics). sometimes Sun is too loud, having to constantly remind himself to lower his voice when around more meek kids in the daycare.

he definitely has his moments where he needs to correct himself and remember that he is taking care of young kids, but all in all, i feel like Sun was pretty good at taking care of the kids (much better than he was when he was first moved to the daycare, since i can imagine he was VERY, VERY BITTER about being moved from the theater, but its not like being a theater animatronic was synonymous with despising children, so he wouldn't HATE them or anything yk ??)

14. thoughts on pre-glitch moon?

YKNOW I WONDER does moons voice sound like that bc of the virus, or is that just his voice ? nonetheless, i feel like Moon was good with his job, and maybe a bit better than Sun, only bc i feel like handling naptime would come with less struggles than daytime activities.

Moon was probably so much more gentle, less hunched over and 'scary-looking' when he moved, and rather than punishing kids for not sleeping he just ... actually helped them sleep. yknow ? whether its holding and rocking some of the younger kids to help them sleep better, or maybe one of the kids has something on their mind that wont let them sleep, i feel like Moon was actually really good at his job.

im firm on believing the DCA is actually good at taking care of kids due to what cassie says about the AR sun/moon plushies!! theyre good at their job!!! to a degree LOLLLL

15. do you interpret sun and moon as two sides of the same person, or truly two separate beings in one body? does it matter?

i interpret them as two separate beings in one body!! i like this interpretation, it feels more fun to work with and is oddly cathartic? emotional? interesting? theres just so much emotion that comes with sharing a body with an entire other identity, knowing that you and them are tightly knit together, whether you want to be or not, because no matter what, you have them, and they have you, and you're stuck with one another. and yes, you and them are different, but you bleed into one another at some parts, at some angles the yellow and blue smudge, and sometimes you struggle to see where 'you' starts, and 'they' begin.

i love love love thinking about how they experience sharing a body with one another, how they maneuver the world and their thoughts. ITS SO FUN!!! THEY MAKE ME SICK.

16. what's something in the fandom you'd like to see more of?

WAITER!!! WAITER!! MORE PRISSY BITCH SUN PLEASE!!! ill literally never ever get enough of it.

17. what's something in the fandom you'd like to see less of?

this is ENTIRELY just me, but seeing the dca act all suave and sexy feels mischaracterizing. this tweet literally captures how i feel perfectly

like OB VI OUS LY have fun and do what ur little heart desires, never ever am i gonna bash someone for DOING THAT, but whenever i see them drawn sexily and with abs or anything like that it just makes me wonder if we have the same character in mind. you dont get them like i do. we are playing with our touys in different corners.

18. anything you're looking forward to?

THE MOON NIGHTLIGHT. i have the sun one already and i NEED the moon one so he isnt alone :( i hope they fix up the coloring on the moon one, bc the dark bit looks so weird and messy (im assuming it only looks like that since it was the first look at him, but still!!! i think they should just make him all white, and not make the NIGHT LIGHT dark in some areas, lol???)

19. do you think you'd actually get along with the dca if you met them irl?

this is one of those rare times where i DO think i would get along with them, or at least Sun!! i feel like id definitely be super duper anxious first meeting them, like the enthusiasm levels are a bit jarring, but i really do feel like i could get along with Sun (and maybe Moon ... if this is pre-virus, then more likely, but if its while Moon has the virus .. .. . . . . .. .. .. .. mauybe.)

20. free space! talk about whatever's on your mind!

if i think about the dca and their room and state of neglect for too long i get sick. i get insane and curl into a little ball like a roly poly. they make me so sick. i hate them i need to bite them.

also genderfunny aroace dca forever and ever. ok? 🫶

[abra-ka-dammit]

when i was a minor the internet was still new enough that it was hard to find specific things

and also it was early enough in Web Existence that i was 100% certain id be hacked or get a virus if i clicked the wrong search result

(also for a lot of it my parents could see what i searched/looked at bc i was dumb and didnt know abt history so i was real careful abt what i typed too)

so imagine how i feel in 2023 as an adult reading ripped scanlations of any yaoi manga i please on a seedy website that didnt exist in My Yaoi Era and seeing just. countless blatant and even self confessed minors in the comments making thirsty statements about dicks and smut and talking about the actually vile Bad ones they read when they were 12 (2 years ago) etc etc

its. horrifying. not only bc theres people with literally "so what im 14 f**k off haters" as a signature talking about how badly they want a giant cock to ride (and no this is not a site where meeting/messaging/talking to people is a thing so i do NOT think its posing pedos at all) but because i know for a fact that if i was their age during this era i would be right there with them. except for the wanting cock thing tbh i was always more into the romance--coming to terms with gay feelings stories hit hard for my confused budding bisexual kid ass. but i would still be one of those, actual children, happily consuming explicit adult content thinking im so mature for my age and getting all sorts of wrong ideas about what is and is not okay in a relationship or just life

like at least i was limited to what was offered on the shelves at barnes & noble and suncoast (and atomic comics, RIP). Stuff officially translated by US companies and stocked in normal bookstores in the 2000's tended not to even show censored wieners, it was all cut off or hidden by spans of magical fuzz or what have u. and even if i wanted more, i wasnt sure how to find it online and if i DID find it i was fairly certain it would break the computer and get my ass in huge trouble

youre not mature for your age, i promise. youre just fucking up your own brain before its fully developed because much as kids SAY they can separate fiction from reality... youre not so good at it. you dont recognize which parts are the fanstasy and which parts are not in these placed-in-the-real-world romance and smut stories. you see obvious manipulation like romantic interest telling main guy not to hang out with other guys bc he gets mad when hes jealous and call red flag but then post heart eyes when its subtle because ohh thats just loyalty thats just love, minor obsession IS romance and the best-friend side character that keeps trying to help their main character friend recognize the toxicity is just annoying

like yall dont even know what youre saying its killing me inside

i hope you dont make the same idiot mistakes and allow the same shitty things as i did in my early romantic endeavors. i hope you come to understand what real love looks like sooner than i did even while having been exposed to so much less. god, i hope.

[imy2]

notes longtext

2-2 oooo hi hector , didnt realize he'd be so soon •

oh damn goodbye mack. should've expected that was this ep w vasquez comin in... ughh the way murphy looks when addy's staring at him :/// •

2-3 "woahh don't be so negative; worry is poison - that's why you don't crap right." lmao random dude, too real •

"you are not the boss of me -.- she is." one of my fav murphy lines •

ok i regret not taking notes last eps so recap of what i rmbr then onward.. rc2-4 z weed lol • rc2-5 nvr noticed b4 that they call this ep aka lucy zombaby - makes sensee , but s1 zombaby is true zombaby in my heart. lucy's lucy :p ... ugh serena was so pretty this ep.. even looked cool as a zombie • rc2-6 gb4n lucy.. also cassandra :(( </3 • rc2-7 sketchy n skeezy were here again .. • rc2-8 i thiiink it was this ep that this happened but if not close enuff.. warren said to murphy, "the time is coming where you're gonna have to decide what side you're on - and when that time comes, remember which is trying to help u survive n which wants to eat ur brains." ooo i never noticed how good of a line that is bc well warren which side is which! half the zombies dont care abt murphy atp and yall r takin him to be experimented on .. hmmm • rc2-9 this is always a fun ep • rc2-10 idt docs cool aop in this ep... • rc2-11 addys hotelwoman moment :') • rc2-12 oo the zeroes.. warrens sooo pretty •

2-13 murphy savin warren, hell yeah. murphy listening to warren, helll yeahh. again warrens gorg.. hector n doc n murphy all also look cool .. el camino B) 10k w slingshot - also cool •

2-14 lmfao doc pre-z(beginning of z actually) "oh jeez, sorry, didn't mean to intrude! -- what a minute, what did i just see.. larry and his gay lover? it's funny he never mentioned him.. 2 patients wrestling on the couch? .. it's a damn zombie! hang on larry!" lol him pullin a joint from his beard .. • •interlude ... i used to say i wish i had a beard all the time as a kid 9-like12, love that for me..idt id want one now, i do wish i had more body hair tho man my arms n legs look hairless basically -.- my brother used to always comb his hand thru his thick ass leg -.- #jealous .. also hairy stomachs r so hot -.- anyways.. i also need to do smth diff w my headhair like sooo bad. its been like 6yrs since ive had a haircut its badd. i wish i cld do a cool haircut but my hairs thin n straight so.. no cool cuts look how i'd want them to w/o stylin n i cannot put stylin effort into my hair everyday.. i need a genius to tell me wtd w my hair basically! but im scared of goin anywhere..

also on subject of gender(re my feelings abt my hair) i've been kind of (aka when i rmbr to lol n when it dsnt feel awk) tryin to speak in a deeper pitch .. i hate when my voice sounds as high as it does smtimes :/ also.. well nvm 4now •

"why me? i don't want to be shit. this is all some terrible mistake. i just want to crawl off and die like everybody else. why me? what did i do? where is my mercy?" murphy n mercy (n me) i said it! •

omg pre-z murphy looks so different n cool. & postal fraud man.. he shld be pissed •

"if you were really my friend, you'd help me." "but i'm not your friend." ... "they're gonna hurt me. you know that, right?" "i won't let that happen." •

2-15 "i did not spend three years fighting my way across 10,000miles of zombie-crazed america just so i can be a blood bag for a few billionaires." hell yeah •

bye vasquez .. hey hector.. hey(almost) kaya n dr. sun :-) aww lucy.. •

•s2 done.. overall rating.. 3.5/5 .. i didnt rate s1 brb.. 3/5 .. huh kinda surprised s2 came out on top •

3-1 hi red.. hi the man... •

ooo i nvr noticed the red details -right b4 walking up there's red cloth in a basket, then - redofc, 5ks keychains, warrens bandana, 10ks socks n bandana n shirt stripes, docs suspenders n sunglasses, cassandra's jacket, addy's shirt n jacket tassels .. very obvious, cool .. then just blue murphy. interesting. enuff red down the line tho •

"got a name?" "10,000. but everyone calls me 10k." "10,000? that's a number, not a name." ... ''so what's ur name?" "red." "that's not a name, that's a color." - wait lol, "you asked me my name, that's my name" red u did it to him first •

3-2 • intros.. s1 was 3bullets, s2 was 2bullets-chomp, s3 was 3bullets+spin .. fun stuff •

now murphy got red pants this ep.. after they first reinforced blue by only showing shirt/skin/hat.. interesting •

ahh murphy wanted warren to go w him so bad :/ "seriously roberta?" .. "ttfn" •

3-3 got a fun screenshot from this ep .. terrible quality ofc.. •

3-4 10k off the bridge n merch khs .. fair enuff•

3-5 tbh the way reds been here so far(aka e1 n now) is so weird.. •

[kmgkmg]

“almost included a lil text abt hosh accidentally adding joshua to a gc that he meant to add vernon and gyu to....hosh wouldve sent something like "so how long do yall wanna bet it's going to be until they're engaged" and joshua would wait for everyone to place their bets and then be like "well now you all owe me money since we just got engaged" *sends a pic of his hand and an engagement ring* BUT ALAS. i settled on a dating anniversary instead. just know in that universe, they would eventually get married (an extra little epilogue just for you anon)”

ynshie….marriage…..real…..(i explode into tiny little pieces) i actually screamed and nearly rolled off my bed when i read “well now you all owe me money since we just got engaged” like i prayed for times like these FR!!! (i dont think ill ever get over ynshie ever this extra epilogue will live in my brain thank you so so much 😭😭🫶🫶)

also THERE WAS A PLAYLIST BREAKDOWN?? actually dropping everything to read it all while listening to the playlist im so excited to read it rn tysm <33

(also i just noticed that u posted a ww fic??? omw to read it rn . angst will not stop me) (i will eat my words soon)

-⛺️

put my reply under the cut so our message won't be too long on the dashboard but 😗🫳*picks up the little pieces of u one by one that have exploded*

BUT YEAHHHHH!!!! there are so many lil headcanons abt this fic anonnie!!!!!!!!!! since u like the lil nuggets.. i'll shower u in some unused photos and their What Ifs!!

1...firework/sparkler pic: remember the tweet after cabin wars when joshua realized how cute reader looked when they were happy...yeah reader would've had that realization too on the 4th!!!!! joshua probably asked vernon to take the pic and he would post it on main being kinda fuckboyish but reader and joshua would (obliviously) be flirting in the comments. like get together alr 🙄 2...vernon/josh preoccupied on their phones: reader would send this pic to hoshi and be like "they've been trying to figure out how to load a tiktok compilation vid onto the tv for the kids...who's gna tell them that i hid the remote? 😝" reader just being chaotic since hoshi would b gone that day for personal reasons or smthn 3...joshua bed pic: I WAS SOOOOO TEMPTED TO USE THIS ONE! the thing is though it looks soooooo like Professionally taken, yknow? but it would've been vernon being a little cupid, texting reader like "we mentioned your name and suddenly bro is wide awake" LIKE LOOK HOW PRECIOUS HE LOOKS???? it could pass for him being infatuated w you and UGHHH yeah!!

4...mud masks: the camp has rewarded the counselors for taking care of the campers all summer! free spa day for all of them! except nobody told joshua and hoshi where the mud bath was and the spa was nature themed so um. when they saw a pool outside of the changing rooms with mud, they automatically thought that it must be the place w rejuvenating mud for the skin! yeah no...it's just an old pool that hasn't been cleaned. so they have actual dirty mud/clay on their face. reader and vernon come back from buying snacks like ??????? how are you so muddy when we didn't even tell you where to go??? and reader takes that pic of them just utterly shocked like !!!!!! wym that pool wasn't even a part of the spa?!!??!! 5...karaoke night: again, a counselors only type of event. they would go to the local pub and have fun (maybe drink, maybe not idk!) but you and hoshi would encourage joshua to sing and vernon to rap! joshua would go after you kept whining, he's a sucker for you, and ofc start singing sunday morning. reader would tweet the video and caption it like "living up to the username i see @/sundaymorning" 6...pfp: ok this one is the most nugget of nuggets but i was considering making this joshua's pfp/icon for reader and joshua's texts! it would b for after they're together! i was gna add a bit abt how he makes funny faces to cheer reader up. he made that face one day during one of your facetimes, so you screenshotted it and always look at his contact pic when you feel down!

if you did get the chance to check out the breakdown i would b soooo interested to know which song(s) u think fits the series the best!! i def have my own picks for the ones i listened to a lot and used the most 🤭

THE WONU FIC!!!!!!!! my friend is a wonu stan and i was texting her like... yeah almost done w the wonu angst.. and she was like WONWOO?? ANGST????? 🤲 it was soooo funny bcos she's v chill but she was eating up the little sections of the fic that i was sending her hehe

i also made two mbs on my other sb for the wonwoo fic: one based more on the vibes and one based on the aes! the one w wonwoo's face kinda flopped and i'm like 👁️ interesting... @ the followers on that blog

sorry for the late reply!! but hope u had a nice day <333

[selznick]

idk fucking know.rant ig??? not big idk

but like i ibly rlly have 1 friend that im close to and thats ive opened up to about my austism and ocd like even a bit,,,,, and like my autism is fine or whatever and sure sometimes idk how to deal with people but its fine and we joke so its cool but my ocd is like,, a legit problem for me that I dont joke about but they will,,,, like sometimes i will casually mention it around them but they will joke abt it and like kool whatever,, ocd isnt happenong rn so idc ig

but like she was telling me how she went to a hincent van gogh exhibit abt his life and depression and how she cried at the 'ear'aser in the giftshop after, , and like its a hood point,,, people like to portray him cutting off his ear as like some cutesy joke or romantic gesrure and not like a seriours mental break down and self harm,,, which like cool she cares abt mental health and uknow the seriousness of it all

except when its roght in front of her??? like i messaged her when i wanted to pour boiling water on my foot to 'clean' it and half my brain was fully on board with it and the other half was like no that will make ot worse stop,,, so i messaged her as like idk a reaching out for some sort of help or distraction from my stupif fukcing brain,,, and she was just like,, no why would you do that? and was just argueing with me,, like thats not logical,,,, and I FUCKIING KNOW THAT WHY DO U THINK THERE ISNT BOILING WATER ON MY FOOT WHILE IM TEXTING U,,, and shes just like but why would u eevn think that,, like rememeber ur precious vincent van gogh and his fucking ear and my fuxking ocd,, and shes just like,, ohhh

and i talk to her when i was worried about getting sepsis from a small cut on my toe,, and shes just like no ur fine, uve not got sepsis obvi,, and like i brought it up again cuz its the only thing my brain would think of,, and she got annoyed that i kept bringing it up and now she fuxking jokes about me being obsessed with sepsis and that i just always think i have sepsis

like sorry my brain literally cant stop worrying abt this shit,, sorry i have phantom pains from my ocd that make me worry more and continue the fucking cycle

anyway today i was like ugh im gonna have a headache after yards,, could just feel one starting before it uknow,, and shes like just drink from the water fountain,, and i tell her i cant bcuz there was like a weird bottle on it and other debris around it and my ocd cant handle that,,, and she just tells me to drink from it and that its not an issue,, and when i was like ya no my ocd rmemeber she says shed drink some from it and then i could becuz were liek made from the same stuff so same body,,, and like how can i explain in a concise way that ya u can drink it fine but u r not me with stupid brain disease that doesnt care for logical conclusions and that no we dont have the same body were not even related and the fact i was vomiting for like an entire day not too long ago so my brain has been pretty weird abt it since,, and i cant so i instead say smth like,, no were not the same body and i was sick at christmas and i would still feel ill or throw up because my brain placebo would still fuck it up

she still pushes me to just drink from the fountain cuz its not a big issue but like to me it is,, another friend had a water bottle and offered me some amd that end the conversation so thank god they were there otherwise id have to argue my own thoughts to someone,,, do you srsly think i want my actions to b this illogical,, no i want to just live and be able to carry on without brain worms controlling what i can and cant do

but like its so frustrating to have to argue logic and reason with my own brain,, i dont want to have to have the same arguement with a friend that cant seem to understand how much it affects me because im not currently screaming crying and cutting my limbs off

and it sucks becuz shes like the only person i an talk to but she just doesnt understand and doesnt seem to care

my finger has a cut on it at the moment,, similar to my toe,, and its fucking with my brain,, only thing i can rlly think of,, but i cant talk to the one person i can talk to becuz its just an annoyance to her and i should just get iver it,,, not like i can feel other pain in parts of my body that my brain is relating to it and not like i had to convince myself that my gums were a normal colour (they were) and not blue black,,,, but i cant even just b like o ya my brain thinks im dying can u distracct me cuz shes just be weird about my mental health and bring it up later as a joke

but i dont rlly joke abt my ocd,, i make some nokes abt having it but not my actual symptoms and i feel weird eevn fully talking abt it in case someone find out, doesnt take it serious and doesn something on purpose to spite/upset me,, so for her to make jokes abt my symptoms without even showsing any sympathy while im going through them just fukcing sucks,,, and like ive not daid anything bcuz idk how to breatch that topic,,,,, ummm i think u dont care abt my mental health and it makes me not want to ever talk to u abt it but at the same time ur the only person i can talk to abt it and the jokes make me super uncomfy please inhenrently knpw what my brain needs thanks,, i just,, ik shell be like sorry im not good at reading ppl so i didnt realise cuz thats what she said abt the van gogh and me boiling water foot thing ,,,, like babes u know abt my asd and ocd and im currently telling u abt my distressing thoughts,,, thats not people skills im fucking telling u im going through it like RIGHT NOW and u just do not care

ok this rant was bigger than i thought,, oop

my arm aches now and i need to frind smth to ditract me from the urge to chop ny finger off 🙃🙃🙃

[saetoru]

hey tee, can i ask something? so ik how frustrating it can be when anons send hate, but what’s it like when other blogs do it?? how do you handle it?? & i dont mean when they’re like directly talking to you, but subtweeting in a way…am i explaining this well????? idk but something that i hate is when people will just ask & ask & ask you to write as if you’re a machine & not a human being.

there’s a particular account that never writes (which is completely fine), and they always ask everyone to be patient & etc. but they constantly talk abt how “no one writes like they used to” or just complain abt other people’s writing in general & it’s just so sad to see bc as a creator on this app, they should immediately understand tht people are not fucking machines & struggle with writer’s block & stuff like that. she just gives off big hypocritical vibes. idk if you’re mutuals w/ them or not (hopefully not).

her writing is fine, but as a person… idk. im not gonna say who it is, but they’re pretty known on tumblr. it really bugs me when she says stuff like that and then her followers just back her up like nothing’s wrong. generally speaking, i believe u can say whatever tf u want on your own blog, but some of the stuff she says just really upsets me, especially since im starting to write on tumblr. i have blocked her, but after seeing some the things she’s said, plus the amount of people that agree with her is making me real self conscious abt my work.

so yea, how do u feel when stuff like that happens to you?? im so sry for the long ask, but hopefully you can take the time to respond. it would mean a lot! ❤️

hi bestie !! i will answer under the cut:

i just block lmao. like deadass half of a lot writers on here ??? chances are i’ve blocked them and tbh that might sound bad but if i see a discourse or a “hot take” that i fully disagree with, or rubs me wrong, i block. and that’s bc i think all of us as writers, even if it’s the smallest part of our brains, compare ourselves to other writers. so i block writers that give me bad vibes bc i don’t wanna subconsciously start comparing myself to them in a manner that makes me question myself like you said. if a writer thinks majority of fanfic mostly sucks now, well i guess they’re not reading my sucky content bc they are b l o c k e d !!!

i actually have like two or three very strongly voiced ppl blocked that always say “fanfic isn’t what it used to be” or “all fanfic is the same now” and i think personally it’s a really entitled and annoying thing to say. if someone came into a writer’s inbox and said those exact things on anon, everyone would jump to attack that anon and say “it’s free content be grateful.” i don’t think someone being a writer gives them the right to dictate such strong opinions openly about other peoples fanfic writing styles/methods/choices. even if you provide content, you’re still consuming free content just as everyone else. it’s one thing to politely offer advice as one writer to another with good intentions, but that’s very clearly seen in your tone and how you word the message. if you think fanfic isnt what it used to be, then write what you want to see ??? it’s simple.

so yeah either way i would block that individual—maybe i already have them blocked too who knows LMAO i hope i do. but i wouldn’t let it get to you because tbh in my experience ppl who have the most to say about other writers have the emptiest masterlists 💀 the rest of us are too busy focusing on our writing to care about what other people are posting and whatnot. block them, block their friends that agree, block anyone else that agrees with them. LMAO i’m not saying this to act like “ur always right and everyone else is always wrong” but tbh if u just block all the ppl ur disagree with, then at one point ur dash will just be peaceful

take it from me !! the girlie that is blocked by like 75% of this app !! just remove people you don’t wanna see. filter their urls, unfollow ppl they heavily interact with, curate ur own experience without being a bitch. rant to ur friends, get it off ur chest privately but like don’t subpost them in a rly obvious manner and start more drama bc it’s just always gonna be a mess that way.

and tbh there’s a lot of things that ppl in a fandom community can and should come and discuss in a civil manner without peoples feelings getting hurt like meta and popularly flawed characterization patterns, but i think bitching about the “quality” of fanfic is a rly nasty thing to openly complain about bc it’s just unwarranted and discouraging. a lot of people are on here for fun, not to write new york times best selling novels, so just let them have their fun :/

[pandemique]

Hi hello I just wanna say I love your art, it’s really cute aaaa

I’ve been really wanting to try to doodle dnf because I care them so much and they make me so so happy but my brain rot is not strong enough and I’m nervous to post it if I do so basically do you have any advice for just doing it anyway? I don’t know if making a whole new blog is something I want to/should do

Also I wanna join the loving Demi anon gang so I’ll try to send more asks when I stop being Shy(TM)

-🍎🦜

nonnie thank u thats so sweet of u :’> i appreciate it a lot :’> yknow, u sent this when i was actually in massive doubt abt my art and my... personality?!? HAHA so yeah i definitely been there sis and i’m still there sometimes

firstly, this is actually a more common occurrence than people think! i’ve told this story a few times now to artists who felt exactly the same: when i first posted, i deleted my doodles within a minute (LOL) and it was actually sky georgeliker who reached out asking if he could reblog !! (sorry i dont shut up abt this sky HAHAHA u meant a lot to me even unknowingly <3) i think from that moment, i thought, if just one other person enjoyed what i post, i want to!! there’s literally no harm if no one does anyway bc this is a brainrot blog not a portfolio LMAO. and i am so so glad i did because i then definitely met more than one person lol i even met u ;)) people are so so kind here, and it really changed my perception on both my own art and art as a whole

nonnie i’ve never seen your art but i know for sure i would love to see it, and everyone would too :) there’s no such thing as bad art, and even then sharing will help u improve so much faster!! u can talk to me any time about it too, we’ll learn to improve and be kinder to our art together :>

@ making a new blog: i heard it’s more strategic that way! but only if u want to !! for me personally i separate my dnf blog and my mcyt & general blogs just bc i just like being organized, and bc for dnf in particular, i know a fair amount of people are uncomfy seeing the ship so i try my damnedest not to let non-dnfers find this blog lol. but u really don’t have to do this :o just think about what personally makes u happiest!

anyway here are the more practical tips below the cut ‼️ (finally BAHAHA sorry non)

u can take smaller steps and send art to friends first or to discord servers :> (404cord vouch if u wanna find the most supportive mf’s in the planet)

or u can send me ;D

recognize when u start thinking the bad thoughts! point it out and say “i’m thinking bad thoughts, i have to stop. why should i make myself feel bad? why should i think at all?? this is a brainrot blog??” (is this good advice i am questioning myself shgswjsh this is what i do lmaooo)

point out the things u LIKE from ur art, even really little things. pretend it’s a friend’s work, u’ll be surprised how much kinder u are to others’ creations! if u enjoy parts of it, someone else would enjoy it too and more

don’t be discouraged if u don’t get a lot of recognition or notes immediately, most of that is irrelevant to how actually good ur art is. a LOT of my fave artists have like <200 notes every post (and thats a lot!! its just that i wanna give 10000 lol). it doesn’t mean that the people who DO see it don’t love it

tbh i avoid looking at numbers at all like the plague bc it gives unnecessary pressure !! i have no idea how many followers i have lol (but i do check the tags bc (1) ppl r so supportive i wanna cry and (2) ppl r v thoughtful and sometimes gives interesting input to ur art :> but if it pressures u then u should avoid this too imo)

talk to other artists!! :>

DISCLAIMER, it’s completely okay to take ur time!! there’s no real need to post at all if ur uncomfy. that said, last tip off the top of my head is to consider just slamming that post button, it’s free and u can always delete or edit LMAOO enjoy doodling and blogging!!

[hajimeow-archived]

Yo Hajime talk abt ur kin mems

since there were no specifications on which ones i am going to start from the beginning and go where my brain takes me from there. they're all gonna be for hajime bc i physically cannot think about my other memories anymore jsyk

also! this ended up being so long i had to put a cut. i will not be apologizing because i feel no remorse.

so first the basic stuff, i remember having a med skin tone and a FUCK ton of freckles like those motherfuckers were everywhere i had skin. also i was 5'7 i think?? or 5'6. i still can't remember exactly but it's something like that. i was also alloaro, some form of mlm, unfortunately cis, and autistic and probably had some other stuff like adhd or depression or whatever but i forgot. also i was kinda muscle-y but also chubby at the same time. and i had light green eyes. basically i was fanon hajime JSJSKDJDKS

and i was going over the wiki recently and my personality was EXACTLY how they described it like i'm genuinely surprised they got it so accurate

i don't remember much pre-game and post game, most of my memories are in game but i do remember pre game chiaki really well, honestly i rly miss her :( she would always reassure me that i didn't need a talent and i never even cared when she beat me in games cus just simply playing them with her was so fun .,.,,;:,,...,,!:&:&:jsjdjskskck</3

anyways. in game. ok. i'm gonna skip over memories where i just know feelings and not specific things like strong feelings or ppl saying stuff or else this would be so long. also obvious sdr2 spoilers

so i remember the party & blackout in the beginning of the game pretty clearly. i was mostly just standing alone in the corner and watching everyone have fun, but it was really freeing to see the others able to enjoy themselves in such pressing circumstances. then the blackout-- it was kinda like all that happiness going away and the dread and denial immediately setting in .

anyways i remember like panicking and wanting to cry when i lifted the table cloth cus i really liked twogami. i'm p sure i did end up crying cus i really liked them for their realism and leadership skills, and the realization that one of us killed them and that the killing game was actually real etc etc

anyway i don't remember much from the investigation or trial besides being really freaked out when nagito basically admitted to being the killer n stuff, and pretty much all the body discoveries after that (besides ch 5) we're just like "ah shit here we go again" but i do remember mikans trial really freaking me out when she just straight up shifted completely, and i also remember being really proud of fuyuhiko for putting his walls down a bit and deciding to help everyone out while the despair disease was going around

anyway enough of the boring stuff, i spent basically all my free time with komaeda, chiaki and mikan (in order of frequency) and with mikan i mostly listened to her talk about medical stuff and i comforted her when she needed to vent, but i didn't hang out with her much because the constant apologizing n stuff started to bother me since i really liked seeing her happy. chiaki i would mostly play games with and we wouldn't talk much, but she gave me a really strong sense of familiarity like when we played games together it gave me a shit ton of deja vu

AND i've already talked a lot about komaeda but idc i'm doing it again. so we started talking cus of him waking me up on the beach obvs and i was pretty attached right off the bat, but i stopped talking to him for awhile because the way he acted in the first trial REALLY scared me so i just got a pit in my stomach even being around him

but he was the one who started approaching me first, i'm guessing since he couldn't rly sense anything was wrong he just kinda picked things up where they left off and started talking w me at breakfast n stuff and it was pretty weird at first, but i wanted to give him a chance and didn't wanna be rude so i accepted offers to hang out in his cottage n stuff

i remember he has surgery scars tho and i'm rly mad ppl don't draw him with any!! i think he had about 5 and i don't remember all of them but i know one was a skin graft on his leg and the one on his side/stomach that i touched wassssss for appendix removal maybe???? mmmm i'm not too sure about that one tho

also !!!! his death. hoooooly shit. ok so yunno the despair that junko always talks about ?????? yeah <3!! i remember like once i saw his body and took the reality in i just. straight up could NOT stand i like fell to my knees and jsut . cried. like i had no thoughts my head was so full that it was empty i just kinda sat there and silent cried while chiaki stood next to me it was so awful dude

later while investigating n stuff i felt really bad ab how i treated him and thought about him, and i thought a lot about our last interaction. it was the first time i had ever approached him myself cus usually he'd come to me. i was gonna hang out with chiaki but i wanted to check up on him first, so i did and he told me to go hang out with the others and i just. knew something terrible was about to happen.

OH AND THE FUNHOUSE OMG ok i literally. i usually didn't mind being around komaeda like he was chill most of the time when he wasn't ranting about hope but when he was acting like such a bitch in the funhouse i wanted to punch his stupid twink ass so bad like...... what BUSINESS does this dude have being such an asshole. he doesn't even know what face wash is. what the fuck. which is another fun fact! komaeda did shower every so often which is why he didn't smell that bad but his skin was always so dry cus he didn't know how to actually wash right and do proper skincare so he just washed his face w soap and left it like that

also he didn't need to cut his nails cus they were so brittle they would just break off on their own <3 plus he had a nail biting habit so they just never grew ever

OH AND THIS IS THE SADDEST THING i remember feeling so bad for this man bc i would like put my hand on his shoulder and he would lean into it. i mean i'd tap his shoulder for a SECOND and girl when i let go hed be lowkey so sad i could just sense it like??????dude he needed a hug SSO BAD like when i hugged him in my cuddling memory he was like holding on for dear life but also was like "u dOnT hAvE tO tOuCh TrAsH LiKe mE hAjImE" like dude it was the saddest shit. i want to hug him forever. like what the fuck what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

also a thing hed do when he started ranting ab hope n shit like he would just go on and on and yunno that one sprite where he's hugging himself yeah he literally did that shit. also sometimes hed just stare dead at me and start backing me into a corner ((ish-- we were usually sitting somewhere but he mostly just got super close to me) and it was the scariest shit i. bro if i saw him like that on the streets i'd return him to the mental hospital like i can remember it somewhat vividly and that shit was TERRIFYING i mean obvs after i shoved him away and told him to cool it he'd apologize and go back to the way he was but jeez dude ....

also a little fun fact the only reason i really kept hanging out with him (i had a few ofc but this was the most prominent) is cus he was hot in my stupid monkey brain. yes that's it. like that's literally pretty much it. i hate admitting it but this post is SO fucking long i doubt anyone's gonna read it anyway so i'm admitting it now lol

anyway i hope u enjoyed :) i'm glad u asked btw! i'm sure you regret it though!