#my brain hurts jfc

[bentnotbroken1fanfiction]

If my brain could just work on one FadelStyle thing until it's finished instead of working on three fics at once...

[arielavader]

JFC, just realized Aziraphale spent nearly 6000 trying to protect Crowley from Hell because he couldn't protect him from Heaven before the Fall and then when Crowley asked for literal protection Aziraphale was too afraid of losing him completely that he couldn't do it and ended up losing him in a different way and then fucking 1941 happened and 1967 and these two are idiots and Aziraphale was trying to protect Crowley from heaven yet again because he couldn't the first time and maybe he thinks it's his fault. His sin to bear and atone for...

Sorry that turned way too rambling and pointless because it's late and I'm tired and my neck and head hurt and autocorrect is stupid and I'm crying over two idiots who are so in love with each other they can't even tell each other how in love they are. 🤦‍♀️

Why did my brain pick them for my GOAT-TP?

[professional-whorologist]

Obey Me characters and their dominance!

(Minors DNI)

I have been haunted by spicy headcanons all week and I can’t get them out of my brain so here! Maybe I’ll write some smut drabbles based on this idk!

Lucifer is a hard dom hands down. He’s the avatar of pride and constantly stressed he will use you like a fucktoy until he’s satiated. And by god it takes a while for him to be satiated. Don’t expect to walk for a week hun

Mams. My boy. My greedy little scummy boy. He’s a switch. He’ll have you in any way you’ll let him because he just wants you. Under him, in him, riding him, potato tomato

Levi is such a sub I mean come on. Call him a good boy and he’ll fold like a wet tissue. He loves it when you take control and dirty talk him while you stroke him

I firmly believe that Satan is a masochist top. You’re his sexual stress ball to relieve all gis pent up aggression (with your consent of course). He’ll goad you into biting and scratching him until he’s covered in evidence of what you did

Asmo will take anything. He’s the avatar of lust. He will let you fuck him stupid then make you his submissive little slut the next minute. Like I said he will take anything you give him.

Beel is definitely a gentle top. He doesn’t do it for his own pleasure tbh; he’s more interested in making you feel good.

Belphie is a pillow princess I’m sorry. But like a power bottom sadist pillow princess, does that make sense? He makes you do all the work but he tells you what to do, and if you don’t do it then your ass getting punished babes

I’m not so sure about Diavolo. I headcanon him as sex indifferent BUT if he did have sex he’d probably be a soft top/service top

Barbatos. Is. A. Service. Switch. You are second only to the young master in his eyes. Whatever you want to do he’ll do it unless it could hurt you

Simeonnnnnnn I am in love with this man jfc. He’s 100% a gentle top. He wants to feel good but he also wants you to feel good too. You could be doing the dirtiest nastiest thing and he’d still kiss you like you’re on an innocent fair date

Solomon seems like he’s a sadistic dom and. Yeah he is. This man will put you in a mating press and fuck you til you can’t think and honestly? We’re here for it

And yeah that’s it! These are very fun (and I’m very horny) so I might do more

[nekrosmos]

Nekro you have no idea what you caused in my brain with that last Poker Post. I do apologize for your notifs. 😭 But my god, the potential... Can you imagine if the life Nik tried to keep separate from Price ended up accidentally involving him too? Maybe he pissed off some dealers, maybe it's about the many people who want Nik dead or hurt. The moment Nik hears Prices name being mentioned he loses all composure. Is it hell upon earth? Does he make them regret even *considering* to plot against him? Does John know? Do they have a conversation about honesty and trust, or is John blissfully unaware as his partner goes on a hunting spree? WHO KNOWS!!! It's all so delicious either way. 😌 I think Price would have *some* idea. Just, not to full extent. That poker match does show him the realities his bf deals with though, and that reminder is enough to get him hot and bothered. JFC. I need to take a breather

also feel free to ignore this if you planned on continuing that haha i wouldn't wanna spoil or ruin anything. just here to vomit my thoughts abt nik, apologies 🙂‍↕️🙏

Never apologize for sharing your thoughts Oliv, they are highly valued !!

And for real, there's a lot to think about here. (Poker post in question)

I like the idea that Nikolai is absolutely terrified of his life impacting John in a negative way. He's scared that someone, someday, will be bold enough to try to get to John to get to Nik. It would be a terrible idea, considering how dangerous Price is as well, but it is still a risk.

Nik is also scared that Price aligning himself with someone like him, with his background, with his connections and just general shadiness, will impact John's career eventually. It's one thing to have someone like Nik as a friend, it's something else to be sleeping with him and eventually share a life with him. Maybe some hire-ups already said something about them, threatening John. Of course, Price wouldn't let this shit fly, and he probably wouldn't say anything to Nik either, he doesn't want him to worry, but Nikolai always knows, eventually. John had to reassure him a lot that day, because Nik would absolutely sacrifice his relationship with John to save him, even though John is his reason to live, and Nik means everything to John.

And then, there's your idea that Nikolai would go on a hunting spree after some people threaten or hurt John. You do not fuck with Nikolai, or the man his heart belongs to, and live to tell the tale. He would hunt them, he would get them, and he would finish them, sending a message to anyone who dares to think about attempting the same thing again. Price finds Nik on his doorstep two months later, exhausted, heavy bags under his eyes, and John asks him where he was, says he was worried sick about him. Nikolai smiles softly and simply answers "I was making sure you would be safe, John."

There would definitely be a talk about trust and honesty, because both of them would put themselves in danger to protect the other, and that is just not a productive way to go about things. They're from different worlds, and if things had turn out just a little differently, they could have been from different sides. This thought never leave their brains, and every single time they embrace, Nik and John are grateful that life turned out the way it did.

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 8

chapter 14:

1. “"Obviously fish have brains. All living beings have brains," Regulus tells him. "Well, except for you."”

ADKDJKSJSKS i’m sure that’s another moment in which regulus wanted to look to sirius as if to say “are you seeing this shit?”

2. 😭😭😭😭 james why are you still figuring out you might have a knife kink?? i been knew since before the arena. plsssss

3. 😭💀 the rocks in jars story

4. 😧 james killed someone for reg. no hesitation. that’s gonna haunt him forever

5. oh god, the tenderness reg uses with james after james murdered someone. he’s so gentle and worried for him. this is gonna haunt them forever

6. in reference to james committing murder: “He has the disjointed thought that his parents must have seen that, as well as Sirius. The last people in the world who would judge him for it, and he still wonders what they're thinking.”

JESUS THAT IS HEARTBREAKING. the people he cares most about isn’t judging him cause they’ve done the same thing. it just hurts

7. god, and now they’re face to face with death eaters. i can’t do this shit anymore

8. 😟😧 oh no.

“James can safely say he doesn't have a knife kink. Blade kink. Sword kink. Any of that—he doesn't have it. No, it's just Regulus he likes, and anything to do with him. When Mulciber has a sword to his throat, it's not sexy at all.”

9. reg’s threats are so scary

10. knowing reg’s loyalty to kill for sirius is fucking wild. he would murder everyone in that arena if it meant keeping sirius safe. and sirius did the same for reg.

11. 😧 shocked. oh my god. jaw dropped. reg is just hacking at mulciber with a hatchet

12. ✨evan✨☺️🩷

13. whoop there it is. in reg’s mind, he mistakingly referred to james as his boyfriend. it’s downhill from here

14. oh god, james is using his “it was self defense and murder is grotesque and not always clean” speech that he used to give to sirius all the time. i wonder how often he’s had to tell that to himself in this arena

15. GOD NOT THE FUCKING BEAR TRAP- JFC CAN THEY HAVE ONE MOMENT IN THIS ARENA???

chapter 15:

1. reg called james baby ☺️🥰💞

2. “"Sirius, you're going send something to fix him, or so help me, when I get out of here, I'm going to rip all of your hair out right from the scalp until you're fucking bald."” LMAOOO REG IS SO PROTECTIVE OF HIS NOT BOYFREIND THATS GONNA HAVE TO DIE ANYWAYS. and he threatened to make sirius bald 😭😭😭

3. “"I like you," James declares cheerfully, and Evan winks at him.” EVAN AND JAMES FRIENDSHIP EVAN AND JAMES FRIENDSHIP EVAN AND JAMES FRIENDSHIP

4. “Sometimes, healing is harder than being hurt.” godDAMMIT he’s right, and that cuts deep into my soul

5. reg and sirius are so like me fr in hating change. for them it’s the needing stability after a childhood of not having it, and for me, it’s autism.

6. reg is absolutely insane sounding and i’m 2000% on board for it

7. reg is willing to kill because they scarred james’ face but still says he hates every breath james takes. bitch. wtf do you mean you hate him? do you not get it yet?

8. 😐 bitch, yet another self indulgent moment that reg calls a parting gift

9. evan and reg team!! 🐈‍⬛🫱🏻‍🫲🏾🐍

10. comparing james to the sun >>>>>>>>>>

11. reg being the best seeker during hide and seek 👀

12. EVANNNN NOOOO

13. 😧 evan says he’s reg’s friend. shit i’m about to sob at one am as i’m writing this. and reg jsut lost the best friend he never got to have

14. god, reading from sirius’ pov now IS making me sob.

15. LMFAOOO I SHOULD NOT BE LAUGHING OVER THE BURNING TREE

16. shame on me for not realizing that the author of crimson rivers also wrote just lovers. i just realized that. like, while reading authors notes. i feel so fucking stupid rn

[hippolotamus]

You’ve altered my brain chemistry with that snippet and that’s not even an exaggeration.

I can’t stop imagining Eddie and Tommy, who saw each other in passing in Basic but became friends when they were assigned to the same platoon. Laughing easily with each other as they’re flown from Britain into France. Finding each other when they’re dropped behind enemy lines and not managing to find their platoon for a day or two, constantly dodging enemy fire as they try and find their way back. Sleeping huddled together in barns, looking up at the stars through the burnt thatch roof.

Eddie and Tommy finally finding their platoon and finding their other friends but still being drawn to one another on quiet nights. Tommy pulling Eddie aside and telling him he’s worried about Eddie being a medic on the frontline. He’s seen some of the injuries other medics come back with, clipping stray bullets as they pull men back to safety. Tommy doesn’t want Eddie to get hurt. For some reason, that’s when Eddie puts a hand to Tommy’s cheek and tells him not to worry. He’s going to be fine.

Eddie and Tommy sharing a foxhole during the winter while they’re surrounded by Germans. Huddling together in the unspoken way soldiers to because they’ll do anything to conserve body heat. Sharing illicit kisses under the cover of the coat they throw over their hole to keep out the snow. Whispering promises they know won’t be kept, until Eddie has to leap out and treat a wounded soldier that got shot on a patrol.

Tommy appealing to the Captain to he won’t get moved to a different platoon when Eddie’s gets shipped out to the trenches after the battle is won. Travelling together in the trucks, pinkie fingers linked under Tommy’s coat that lays across his lap. Sending coded messages to one another when they’re separated for 3 months, arranging illicit meetings in the bowels of the trenches where they know are no patrols that night.

Tommy taking a bullet a month before they’re due to go home and Eddie pressing his hands against the bleeding wound, ripping bandages with his teeth and injecting him with morphine. He removes the bullet and stems the bleeding and Tommy spends a week in the field hospital before he’s cleared for duty again. Eddie wiping hair from his sweating brow and pressing kisses to his temples, his cheeks, his lips, when he knows no one is watching. They’re so careful, but their love blossoms nonetheless and leaving one another at the end of the war is like losing a limb.

SIR! Respectfully, lovingly, fuck right the fuck off for this. It's brilliant and life giving and soul shifting. Huddling in barns? Linking pinkies? Kissing (and more!) in secret? CODED MESSAGES WHEN THEY’RE SEPARATED?! Tommy being Concerned™️ for Eddie? Eddie treating Tommy's wounds? SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

JFC, James, I love this so hard 😭 (and you KNOW I have stuff to finish and this is Not helping!) Head pats and forehead kisses for you. Please feel free to assault my asks and emotions anytime for this 😘

@peppermintquartz @swiftiefirefighters

[loopyren]

can i say something about inukik & inukag lol

For context, I’m a latecomer to this series. I just finished it last month in the year 2023. And “Did Inuyasha love Kikyo more or Kagome more?” is sort of a weird debate for me.

Because it's sort of implying that "love" could be quantified or something. Like it’s something you can point your finger at and count. But from my, ahem seasoned expertise, that’s not how it works.

So I want to look at it in a different way.

Let’s get it straight. Love is not quantifiable. Inuyasha loved both Kikyo and Kagome the best way he knew how. He was genuine about both of them. His feelings were earnest and true.

But you can’t deny his love somehow feels... different between the two of them.

So what is it? What is this difference?...

*deep breath* please bear with me I need to get this out of my system

+

Inuyasha loved Kikyo. But their love felt transactional.

Kikyo showed him kindness, didn't try to kill him, treated him like a normal person for once. But... she was kind of in a sad place in life. In protecting the jewel, she felt robbed of a normal life. So, she asked him one day, "Will you become human and destroy the jewel? For me?" Kind of a tall ask, but I don’t blame her. She was feeling miserable. And Inuyasha's like, "Yes, of course!"

But then she died. And got resurrected. And Inuyasha's like “well shit, now I REALLY need to do something for her. She DIED because of me.” That's really what's driving his love (is it love anymore? idk) at this point. It feels like he's chasing to pay off his debt.

That's what I mean by “transactional.”

Okay, so Inuyasha loved Kagome too. But their love felt unconditional.

Kagome also showed him kindness, didn't try to kill him, treated him like a normal person etc. just like Kikyo. But she doesn’t really need anything from Inuyasha, right. She’s content with her life and all. So... she didn't ask for anything back. She just gave kindness to him and went on her merry way. Ok ya, sometimes she gets a lil grumpy (she’s human) but she always believes in him, trusts him to do the right thing, supports him when he's weak, yada yada... and like, that's it. Inuyasha even tries to make himself look like the bad guy, steals her shards, freakin’ pushes her into the well to get her to go home (cuz he didn’t want her to get hurt anymore), but Kagome comes back HUGGING him LMAO

Kagome is giving him literally nothing but love and trust and support. Not really expecting anything in return. She just wants to see him be his best and do his best. Encourage him during hard times. Even when she sees him with Kikyo lol… Clearly it hurts her and she realizes she caught feelings (oops), but she accepts that about herself and holds on to her desire to support him through and through.

She kinda says to him, "Hey… I know my place (in relation to Kikyo), but I still want to support you. I want to see you smile and be happy. Will you let me stay by your side?"

DAMN. Inuyasha says, "You’ll stay for me?" (well, in the anime in Japanese that's what he literally says, I replayed that scene like 500 times to make sure I heard it right). And she's like ya! Let's go!

CMONNNN. His brain is probably like “NO STOP! I OWE MY LIFE TO KIKYO!” but his heart is already saying “JFC THIS GIRL. I LOVE HER.” And he wants to do everything for her, not because he's indebted to her. It's not a transaction he needs to pay up. He does it because he really wants to.

So like, people making a ruckus about “Inuyasha Loved Kikyo!!!” vs “NO INUYASHA LOVED KAGOME!!” And I’m just sitting here going, uhh. I mean y'all both right! He... loved them both? Hello? And he loved very adorably for both of them. He’s such an honest lover.

But the circumstances in which he loved each girl are totally different. 

With Kikyo, the circumstances were pretty dire. They were both deprived of something important to them. Her, a normal life. Him, just basic love and affection. They weren’t able to love each other with no strings attached bc they both still had stuff internally to deal with (her: the need to be liberated & him: insecurity). But, regardless, they shared a special bond that can’t be replaced. That’s a given.

Kagome... gave him better circumstances to love. Her love made him feel light. It felt so good and positive. She taught him a lot on what it means to trust and love someone unconditionally. He could show her all his ugly and she accepts that about him. She helped him meet lifelong friends too, Miroku, Sango, Shippo... And he really treasures her for that. They also shared a special bond that can’t be replaced, literally no one can replace bc he basically screams out loud (in the Meido) she is his soulmate. :’) suh cute

I think at the end, yeah, Kikyo might’ve got some smooches and our InuKag friends are like D: But… I’m romantic ace so maybe I see it differently, but it’s just a kiss. I never doubted that the only kiss that would truly make his eyes light up, the only kiss that could cause his entire soul to leap out of his own mouth and stun him into silence, is a kiss with Kagome. And Rumiko Takahashi did that without actually providing us a kiss scene (in the manga). 

Takahashi made me trust Inuyasha like how he and Kagome trust each other. :((((

That’s... incredible. Standing ovation character building 👏🏼

[cursedhaglette]

tagged by the wonderous delightful angels @scaryanneee and @brain-rot-central so how could i not join in on the fun of the 2024 fic wrapped!

words posted: ~181,000 (ao3 isn't seperating my years out even though i posted at least 60k of TBC in 2023 so adding around 10k to that and that's about what i'm leaving it as, the rest has been this year. also what a number jfc)

additional words written: i found 7600 and then stopped looking so...enough

fandoms: bg3, dragon age

highest kudos: with TBC messing up idk but otherwise HMLAK and Requited are basically at the same number (257 & 255 respectively)

highest hit oneshot: Thrice Before Dawn at 4577

new things i tried: writing with a beta, new fandom, OUTLINING LMAO, writing something destined to have an unhappy ending

fic I spent the most time on: again a tie between Requited and HMLAK !!

fic I spent the least amount of time on: if i tell everyone TBC are people gonna freak out cause like it took a long time but in comparison to the fics i've written since and its final length...TBC

favorite thing i wrote: Requited and Letters We Should've Sent

favorite things i read: how do i even being to answer this? anyway. servitude and watchdog by niceasspavus, a dreadful beauty by @senseandaccountability, these hands, if not gods by @gefionne, pride, prejudice, and a hot dilf named humility by @redrook, everything @scaryanneee touches (stop hurting me) but especially the punishment of fools, and fellchaser by @rosieofcorona. for bg3, has to be sonnet by the one and only @brain-rot-central, the arrangement by @fangswbenefits, pieces still stuck in your teeth by @wetcatspellcaster and not your sweetheart by @kittenintheden !

writing goals for 2025: finishing Requited, maybe maybe a Solas/Morinne DAV mini-fic after that, then full steam ahead on original fiction! (also if you or your friends have writing groups dedicated to not fic...send them to ya girl...)

new works: all linked here but the number of wip ideas i have could make me sick so pray for me honestly

no pressure tags to everyone i tagged (oop! gotcha!) and also all my endless love! happy writing and happy reading!

[his-tamine]

is it an autism thing to take literally forever to notice when something is wrong with me? "why does my body feel so bad?" *an hour later* "aha! I am overheating." "why's my head hurt? legs are shaky too... hmm..." *2 hours later* "oh shit dude I haven't eaten anything in like 30+ hours lmao." like bro... you're joking. jfc my brain...

[oxfordslutphase]

Sunday Sentences

Sliding some sentences in today! Thanks to the tags from @eusuntgratie, @cha-melodius, and @onthewaytosomewhere 💋 I've been chugging along on my @aroyallybigbangrwrb porn star AU this weekend and we're getting into the meat of things. Unfortunately getting into the meat is reminding me how much sex choreo makes my brain hurt. SO today I started working on some of the social media interludes that will be scattered throughout this fic. Here is one such snippet of twitter doing twitter stuff. Technically tweets aren't sentences so you get more than seven.

Clubhouse Cuties @TheClubHouse They say you always remember your first… 👀😏 Let @JamesAustenOfficial & @GabrielLunaX show you why tomorrow in The Clubhouse. #CummingSoon |  ✨ur girly celine✨ @ccceline replying to @TheClubHouse How big of a knife do I need for the tension here JFC | louis 🏳️‍🌈 (he/him) @gayexxpectations replying to @TheClubHouse great 🙄another gay 4 pay dude just what we need…. | vee 🎨 (open for commissions) @valuecityvee replying to @gayexxpectations check your biphobia asshole | That Guy Todd (Miami 1/2–1/14) @TossingToddXXX replying to @TheClubHouse My crops are watered the sun is shining @JamesAustenOfficial is BACK BABYYYYYY | Phil @flipflop87 replying to @TheClubHouse 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆 | matty @mistermattmo replying to @TheClubHouse i’m just a hole 🫡 Gabriel Luna 🤠 (he/him) @GabrielLunaX: watch me teach @JamesAustenOfficial a thing or two tomorrow on @TheClubHouse 😏🍆 James Austen 🇬🇧 @JamesAustenOfficial Pleased to support authentic sex with @TheClubHouse. Was good to work with @GabrielLunaX again. Check it out tomorrow. 📺 | Gabriel Luna 🤠 (he/him) @GabrielLunaX: replying to @JamesAustenOfficial just good?? | James Austen 🇬🇧 @JamesAustenOfficial replying to @GabrielLunaX Adequate. Okonjo Studios ❤️‍🔥 @OkonjoStudios Our fave contract boy @JamesAustenOfficial is on 🔥with @GabrielLunaX in @TheClubHouse. We are seated!

Also! While I greatly enjoy my husband's attempts to toss silly twitter names my way in service of this fic, I'd love to crowdsource some usernames/handles from folks for use throughout. If anyone here is down to send me a handle/display name idea via DM/ask, I would be very thankful. I promise they'll only be used for joyful screaming and not trolls. 😘 Open tag and a friendly no-pressure nudge to @firenati0n, @anincompletelist, @dumbpeachjuice, @inexplicablymine, @orchidscript, @bigassbowlingballhead, @sparklepocalypse, @hypnostheory.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my two friends that they might be “soulmates”?

okay for privacy sake i will use abbreviations… so i (27NB) have two coworkers-turned-friends named T (28M) and B (27M)… they had known eachother before i ever met them and were both to my knowledge straight and cis

the three of us game a lot and have hung out every week over the past 8 months since i met them. T and B feel like they could have been my brothers separated at birth; we get along great and have the same humor. they treat me like “one of the guys” and it gives me a lot of euphoria as a transmasc enby

some nights we spend listening to eachother talk about specific interests that each of us has. B is a DM and is obsessed with D&D, T loves politics and history so he rants about it a lot, and i’m into psychology and personality typing. we each like talking about these things but are casual-enjoyers compared to the respective person who has more of a die-hard obsession. it’s a good way to unwind; getting drunk or high and listening to somebody else go off the rails about a topic you enjoy

i just recently got a new book about personality typing. to sum up, it deals a lot with how others interact with eachother and what each person values (it’s a socionics book). tbh it’s all just fun for me, i love reading theories about behavior. both T and B have had me “type” them and they’re entertained by it so when i got this new book and we hung out two nights ago i was excited to have some drinks and rant about the book i’m reading…

they were excited, too. i was tipsy while ranting but i remember a lot of laughing and me pacing around while i talked. i may or may not have accidentally knocked over one of B’s lamps when i walked past it. but it was all just positive reactions to what i was talking about. i talked a lot their own personalities, but neither of them seemed bothered. they’ve said before that they kinda like it when i “psychoanalyze” them…

here’s where i maybe am an asshole.

after i got too drunk to keep ranting, we started playing mario kart. playing mario kart while drunk is hilarious tbh and we aren’t competitive people much. T and B are always pretty nice to eachother about it. so, in the last round we were playing B knocked T out of first place at the last second and other than a playful slap on the arm/joking insult T didn’t really seem to mind. he even complimented B on managing to do it while drunk. i’ve definitely had friends play mario kart and attack me for doing a lot less than what B did

so, stupid and drunk, i made the connection in my brain what two types they might be from the book i’m reading. i told them as much and they both seemed interested but want to know why i thought that. i pointed out that they are both a little soft around eachother and tend to have similar values. i explained the two types i thought they each fit and they seemed to agree up until i explained… that those two types are considered “soulmates” (the book also calls it “duality”) which might be why they are so close

immediately T got kinda defensive. he asked me what i meant by that and i stupidly told him more about it rather than noticing his tone. he was a little too quiet after i finished talking so i tried to make it better him by telling him it was “just pseudoscience” because honestly it is. when T didn’t speak for a minute or two after that, B got up to go to the bathroom.

i don’t have a super clear memory of what B’s reaction was since i was focused on T, but i vaguely remember him looking happy about it before T spoke and until i saw his face when he got up i figured he hadn’t been bothered. B is a bubbly kinda guy, always smiling, but when he left he looked hurt, sad…

i was pretty confused. i’m not great at social cues and even worse if nobody tells me how they feel. jfc add drunk on top of it and i’m lost. T and B are usually patient about that and talk it out with me but we only ended up hanging out for maybe 20-30 mins afterward and when T and i left to go home nothing had really been resolved.

i had kinda forgotten about it when i went to bed that night but the next day i woke up to a text from T that essentially said “can you not talk about B and i like that we’ve had this issue before and we’re not gay”

as a queer person, both trans and bisexual, this is always a weird situation for me to be in. i’m not sure how to explain to a straight cis guy that “soulmates” can be platonic. i just texted back saying okay and kinda left it at that and B hasn’t mentioned it not even when i saw him at work yesterday. he seemed kinda quiet once or twice but not much different.

but tonight i have a shift at the same time as T and i’m worried i was already an asshole but that i’ll be an even bigger asshole if i push this topic any further. idk it feels unresolved

tl;dr i implied two of my straight cis guy friends were “soulmates” and one of them got very awkward/defensive about it but the other got kinda sad. i want to ask them more about it and talk about it with them. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[makedonsgriva]

Hi, do you mind if I ask, what do you think are Damen and Laurent’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Thanks if you want to answer....

HI! Thanks for this ask because I have SO MANY thoughts, feelings and emotions about these two princes, it will take a lifetime for me to get it all out of my brain. Anyways, here we go:

Damen

In my opinion I think Damen's greatest personality strength is his unwavering optimism, will power and courage. Man was shipped to the enemy nation as a slave to his biggest enemy and he came back to his own nation to fight for his right with the said enemy ending up as his lover???? I don't think anyone understands the sheer INSANITY of this situation. Like I am being 200% honest here, I would have survived not a day in Vere had I been in Damen's position so y'know I gotta admire my man's sheer power of will and courage and hope.

As for his greatest weakness I feel like it can be attributed to his impulsiveness. Once angered, it is very difficult for him to assess the situation and take action calmly. He is hot headed and violent. And we see this impulsiveness of him getting him in trouble multiple times in the series.

Laurent

I think it's easy to say his biggest strength is that beautiful, boggling, labyrinthine brain of his. Laurent is smart. And when I say smart, I mean every letter of it. He uses his wits, he relies on his cleverness and he is not afraid to play dirty to win unlike his righteous husband. He knows that to fight twisted and sick people like his uncle, he has to come up with more twisted plans of his own. You gotta love a smart motherfucker.

His greatest weakness has to be his complete inability to ask for help and rely on others. Although I can't completely blame Laurent for this since as soon as Auguste died, he found himself surrounded by people who only wanted to take advantage of him. He HAD to be self reliant. Yet, just when I started to believe that he might be starting to trust Damen to take his help and win alongside him, he turned himself in to his uncle in Kings Risng lmaoo like I get the self sacrifice and there was no other way or what not but jfc my dude you don't have to do everything by yourself.

Lamen

Every other book I have read has rivals or maybe like one of them dislikes the other while the other person is "I never actually hated you." And I get the charm of it okay, I love that trope too but Captive Prince? The enemies to lovers we get is ELITE. We go from two dudes wanting to VISCERALLY end each other to ready to die for each other. From the absolute hatred, lack of trust, various murder and torture attempts to forgiving each other and falling in love. Realising that whatever the other did was justified and the only thing they can do is move past it. Overcoming all that hurt and pain to build something so strong, beautiful and intimate. That's THE SHIT okay. That's what makes Laurent and Damen's dynamic so special. The way they both grow together and come together to become an unstoppable force. They help each other so much, both in terms of achieving their respective goals and to have great character developments. They bring out the best in each other and fill in the weaknesses of the other. Damen is impulsive but Laurent knows how to reign him in. Laurent doesn't know how to accept help but Damen is there for him every step of the way. From reluctant allies to friends to lovers to divorced era to I'm gonna die for this man, they have it all. Captive Prince has the BEST enemies to lovers arc of all the books I've read till date. PERIOD.

This really got me yapping I'm sorry lmao!!! But yeah here we go. Hope you liked this!

[cyberpunk-20xx]

Kerry's situation is a very painful reminder of how fucked up the game's canon society is, even to the rich people. Which is maybe my biggest gripe with the game. A game where I'm not given even the slightlest chance to change shit around me, a game that's just so pessimistic and cruel in how it treats its characters, so hopeless, is not punk. but that's smth else entirely to talk about.

Back to Kerry. He's less suicidal at the end of the game when V reached out and helped some to sooth his trauma about Johnny, even if one could argue it's maybe just, well, putting him back where he started or indulging a toxic fixation. Depends on your interpretation. But his situation hasn't actually changed, he's still held by his label in a death grip, even if at least his current manager's supposedly out of the picture. But even that i don't believe. All we know for sure is that we burned his yatch. Like. Kerry tells us that his MSM Record manager (can't remember his name and be bothered to check) makes him drink on purpose to get him to sign shit, which is blatant abuse and all we get to do is fucking burn a boat? Let me make the dude a corpse, even if you make me have to work for it jfc.

I really love when fanfic writers actually address that issue btw, because it really hurts me to think about him being left in this bullshit. And in so many endings we know his situation is less than ideal even with V.

Kerry's profound unhappiness is visible in many ways: the state of his house, his insinuated addictions, his impulsive, self-destructive behaviors, his tendency to lash out and paranoia to assume people are against him, and overall defensiveness, his fear of the unknown, his clinging to fame, his refusal to see his kids, his mentioned and hinted suicide attempts. He's a guy who, at 89, doesn't seem to me like he knows what he wants, what he needs.

Personally, it both hurts me and makes me really like him, because I find him relatable in how he reacts to despair. In that aspect, I find him very well-written, even if a lot of shitty tropes and pop star stereotypes are used. Yes, pop stars one.

(One other thing that's devastating about Kerry is that he's a rocker, but he doesn't act like one, according to his own definition (which seems to really just be Johnny's shitty macho definition altho it's a whole label that precedes both of them in the TTRPG lore). Which wouldn't be a problem to me if he also didn't find the genre inferior to rock.)

But what fucks me up the most is that he's dealing with despair at all, when out of the four LIs, he's the one that has the safest, most stable life. Hell, he could even easily leave Night City and never look back, and still create, he's got the money for it, it might sound terribly materialistic of me but the man has enough money to just no longer be dealing with all this shit. But he's stuck there because even at nearly fucking nine decades of life, he's not yet felt seen, heard, or acknowledged. He's still scrambling for his roots and something to look forward at once.

Kerry is 89 and has the self-esteem of a 23 years old still.

If I just listen to my basest instincts, I blame Johnny for a lot of that, but that's the easy way, actually. If I actually think about it, Kerry's responsible of his own life too, and Johnny got nothing to do with how he feels out of touch with his Filipino roots, or him being a burnt out rockstar, Johnny is not that powerful at all, and mostly I blame Arasaka and the corps, and i blame the music industry in the game especially actually, i blame the media and the fans for how Kerry bit by bit stops feeling human in the spotlight, but the thing is, it's harder to be angry at those, even in game. Because we're not actually given meaningful ways to do something about inequality in game, and when you're unable to fight something, your brain becomes apathetic to it. It's just a survival thing. my brain does that a lot. i prize my anger a lot because of that (probably why i am so attached to Johnny tbh).

I think Kerry craves to be seen as the man he is, but his ways to try and fix that is to feed the demigod image his career upholds. I'm mad we can't do something about it, nor see the change he deserves happen. I'm mad a game with "punk" in its name is so hopeless and cynical.

[gasolinerainbowreads]

I am trying to get better about organizing all the fic I read! (My drafts still sit at a hefty number lol.)

↓ ICON LEGEND ↓

🌈 = title 🪆 = series, multiple parts, etc. 🔋 = make sure your vibrator is charged before reading 😈 = Horny Demon Hours™ approved 🥹 = hurts so good/ouch, my feelings 🧠 = did somethin to my brain/altered my brain chemistry

Here's what I read in August along with a comment and/or a favorite excerpt:

@cavillscurls

🌈Pretty Prey 🔋😈-- Joel Miller x afab!reader "Tears spring to your waterline as he bruises into your cervix, the grunts and murmurs of that’s it, take it baby, can see the outline of my cock against your tummy all indication of his enjoyment."

@ezrasbirdie

🌈Catalyst 🪆🔋😈-- no outbreak!joel miller x f!reader x frankie morales “Tastes damn good, doesn’t it?” Joel says, and Frankie lets out a quiet, desperate whine. “Good boy.” 🌈Some Part of Me Came Alive 🪆🔋😈🧠 -- no outbreak!joel miller x f!reader x frankie morales Joel runs his fingers through Frankie’s hair when he pulls of off of him, cupping his cheeks and brushing his thumbs over his jaw. It's like that first kiss all over again--there's such profound relief Joel has to fight back tears. It doesn't matter that he's new to this--it's all so right because it's Frankie. 🌈Breakfast 🪆🥹 -- no outbreak!joel miller x f!reader x frankie morales plzzzzz this is so fucking perfect and sweet and good and i wanna devour it

@netherfeildren

🌈Forfeiting My Mystique 🥹🧠 -- Ezra x F!Reader “It’s why I love art,” he continues. “You can be close to something, feel its warmth, beauty – whatever feeling it is the artist intended to pull out of you, from a distance. Untouched – it’s untouchable. That comforts me for some reason.” 🌈The Cassandra Complex, Ch 1 🪆🔋😈 -- Din Djarin x F!Reader “Just one more, little one. Want to see it up close,” he murmurs. 🌈The Cassandra Complex, Ch 2 🪆 -- Din Djarin x F!Reader You are a burning effigy washed in the violet light of righteous fury as you stalk slowly towards his, soon to be dead, bounty. 🌈Greener Memories of Better Men 🔋🥹-- Joel Miller x F!Reader This whole entire thing is heart-wrenching and amazing.

@swiftispunk

🌈Your Summer Dream, Day 4 - Sand 🪆🔋🥹-- JOEL MILLER X F!READER “Just ask nice, baby, I’ll give you whatever you need.” THIS MAN IS A MENACE. 🌈Your Summer Dream, Day 5 - New 🪆🔋🥹-- JOEL MILLER X F!READER "Suck," you instruct him, stronger now, more desperate as he draws pleasure from you with what's clearly practiced care. "Good girl," he hums lowly, like he's genuinely proud of your confidence, like he really does want this for you. WHEN'S IT GONNA BE MY TURN?! HUHHH???????

@strang3lov3

🌈Hibachi 🪆🔋😈-- bil!joel miller x fem reader (pre/no outbreak) This whole entire thing is *CHEF'S KISS* 🌈Are We Going To Talk About It? 🪆🥹-- bil!joel miller x fem reader (pre/no outbreak) This time, you will be loved like you deserve. & You are safe here with me.  🌈Come To Jesus Moment 🪆🧠 -- bil!joel miller x fem reader (pre/no outbreak) Every time she says sorry to Jesus I howl.

@thetriumphantpanda

🌈Come Away with Me, Monday 🪆🔋😈🥹 -- Joel Miller x F!Reader x Tommy Miller OH MY GOD i am obsessed with this whole dynamic. 🌈In The Woods Somewhere, Ch 1 🪆-- Joel Miller x F!Reader plzzzzzzzz she never missesssssssss jfc

@frannyzooey

🌈Short Days, Long Nights 12 🪆🥹🧠 -- Joel Miller x f!reader this shit just fucking CHANGES MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY every fucking time I read it

@joelscruff

🌈Needy Baby 🪆🔋😈😈😈😈😈😈🥹🧠🧠🧠🧠 -- boyfriend's dad!joel x f!reader bro. MY GUY. MY SISTREN. this is ... this is the hottest smust ive ever read. idc. this whole story is amazing, and then THIS??? i can't even fucking think straight

@ezrasbirdie

🌈Surrender, Ch 10 🪆🔋🥹🧠 -- joel miller x ofc daisy She flushed read from her neck to her ears. "I don't know, exactly. I just don't want to embarrass you." Daisy had a habit of casually saying things that shattered his heart. Why did she think he'd be embarrassed? PLZZZZZZ. This fucking series KILLS ME. Daisy is my homegirl, and i will fight anybody who disagrees that she is SUPREME. 🌈Surrender, Ch 11 🪆🥹🧠 -- joel miller x ofc daisy All the fears she’d worked so hard to push away returned, magnified by the memory of Joel’s lips all over her skin. He’d held her and made love to her and kissed her all over and then he left her here alone. He said he needed her, too, and then he left her here. Alone. *screams like an injured pterodactyl*

@bageldaddy

🌈I Know It When I See It, Part 3 🪆🔋😈🥹 -- pornstar!joel miller x fem!reader But growing up a girl meant getting used to the idea that sometimes sex was painful. You’re so used to men moving with violence, with contempt. In real life, so much of fucking felt like hate, it’s not exactly a surprise to find that sometimes the same thing is true in porn. 🌈I Know It When I See It, Part 4 🪆🔋😈🥹 -- pornstar!joel miller x fem!reader the smut in this part is so hot you are guaranteed to feel your heartbeat in your pussy lmao

@chloeangelic

🌈Yes, Father IV 🪆🔋-- Priest!Joel Miller x Priest!Javier Peña x housewife!reader the way he takes her to their bedroom instead of the guest bedroom made me wanna punch a wall what a menace lmao love it 🌈Belong To Me, Chosen 🪆🔋😈🥹 -- Line cook Joel x waitress reader the breeding kink .... DO NOT READ WHILE OVULATION im being so for real when i say that

@softlyspector

🌈Decaf 🪆🥹🧠 -- tattoo artist!Joel Miller x f!Reader this whole entire series is so delicate and intricate. i am obvs a huge slut and love smut, but this story doesn't even need it. it's so, so good.

@breakfastatjoels

🌈A Bird in Your Teeth, Epilogue 🪆🥹-- joel miller x f!reader this was the perfect ending to an AMAZING story. plz read this if you haven't already!!!!

@walkintotheriveranddisappear

🌈And His Car Is a Piece of Shit 🪆🥹-- joel miller x fem reader the angst in this one is CHEF'S KISS 🌈Total Satisfaction, from the Comfort of Your Own Home 🪆🔋-- joel miller x afab reader a man that will dick you down with a possessive edge and then do handyman jobs around the house?? sign me the fuck up

@darkroastjoel

🌈A Safe Haven, Ch 8 🪆🥹 -- Joel Miller x Female Reader; Ellie Williams x Platonic Female Reader this is like my all-time fave comfort fic 100%. it's ongoing, but i have read each existing part several times lol

@tieronecrush

🌈Only Angel, Ch 1 🪆-- javier peña x f!reader the whole concept is so good, and i love all the detail! also, the part where she emailed him about a mistake in the syllabus had me fucking rolling. NERD.

@psychedelic-ink

🌈You Hate It That You Love Me 🪆🥹 -- stripper!jack daniels x f!reader this whole series was so angsty and delicious. definitely one you will re-read over and over. 🌈Menuet 🔋😈😈😈🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠 -- animal shapeshifter!pero tovar x f!reader im so fuckin mad at this story. this shit unlocked a new kink for me and fucked with my brain in the process.

@iamskyereads

🌈Compulsion Pt 5 - Initiation 🪆🔋😈🧠 -- EZRA (PROSPECT) X OFC BEATRICE I. AM. OBSESSSED. This fucking fic... I cannot BELIEVE I get to just come on this website and read shit of this caliber FOR FREE?!?!!?! insane

@party-hearses

🌈Relax, Baby 🪆🔋-- joel miller x f!reader if Joel called me princesa id be fucking DONE gone no thoughts 🌈Don't Be a Brat, Baby 🪆🔋-- joel miller x f!reader second part to the above story. such a fun read, and the dialogue is EVERYTHING so cute, sexy at times, playful. just so damn fun to read this!!!

@pascalsbby

🌈The Devil and His Brother, Pt 1 🪆🥹🧠 -- Joel x Tommy x Reader again. we get to read this shit. FOR FREE. my fucking mind cannot wrap itself around that fact. so many fucking talented writers in this fandom. thank you thank you thank you for sharing your brilliant, fun works! this story is a wonderful example of "ordinary people" knocking it out of the fucking PARK with their talent.

@cool-iguana

🌈Acting Out 🔋 😈😈😈-- Din x f! reader “Are you now? You forgot to count, though, cyar’ika. Good girls count. Let’s try again from one, no crying.” His tone dripped with condescension as he began again, practically reveling in each gasp and broken sob that spilled from your lips, taking pleasure in each time you stuttered on a number. this is so horny i love it

@mandoisapunk

🌈Ride, Cowgirl 🔋-- Joel Miller x reader i love the dynamics in their relationship and the comfort of switching it up!

@gracieispunk

🌈Bowling Night 🪆🔋-- Maintenance man!joel x f!reader listen, i am ride or die for reader. she's never done anything wrong in her entire life, and i stand by that lmao.

@toomanystoriessolittletime

🌈Revenge 🔋😈-- Dave York x fem. Reader CUCKING!!!! HELL YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 12

chapter 22:

1. 😟😟 all james wants is for sirius to be there for james the way james ALWAYS was for sirius

2. 😟 james wished hodge happy birthday even though hodge died yesterday. i- i am not okay

3. “Regulus never fails to look up. Evan would be proud of him for that, he thinks.” 😧 that was vile to put in there

4. james has resorted to BEGGING for medicine from sirius and can’t understand why sirius won’t send any. this hurts so bad

5. nope. i’m done. i can’t read any more. james started looking forward to death cause he would be out of this arena and out of pain. jfc i’m done

6. anyways. i’m back cause i couldn’t stop reading.

7. REGULUS AND JAMES ARE REUNITED!!! THANK GOD!!! 😊

8. 😧 wait nevermind. james just mistook regulus for sirius. “James has never, not once in his life under any circumstances, mistaken Regulus for Sirius”

9. james is delulu from medicine and reg just found out that the plan has always been to get reg home. this hits like a motherfucking truck

10. james is high as a fucking kite, can’t figure out why “sirius” is being mean to him, cause he’s never been mean to him. and is also wondering why “sirius” is oddly attractive for being mean

11. it takes james half a chapter, and reg cutting his shirt for james to realize it’s not sirius. cause sirius has different scars. i love james sm 😭😭

12. “What was Sirius thinking? Drugging James? In the middle of the fucking hunger games? That might be the most idiotic thing Regulus has ever known his brother to do, and this is Sirius he's talking about, so that's saying a lot. Sirius once flipped a cigarette in the air and tried to catch it with his mouth while it was lit, and kept doing it until he could actually consistently manage it, no matter how much it burned him. Though, in fairness, he can still do that trick to this day.”

LMAO WHAT??? that’s so random and i love it

13. 😧 legit sobbing. reg says that james lost the spark in his eyes. and he’s the one person he expected to never lose his spark

14. reg reveals that they both can go home. james’ spark is back. i’m sobbing harder now. they’re so in love

15. i eat, breathe, and dream those author end notes. bizzarestars writes their end notes the way my brain processes the fic. <33

chapter 23:

1. starting the chapter off with pain, i see. losing vanity changed james. like. horribly changed him.

2. “What Regulus hates more than James is his suffering.” jfc he’s so emotionally constipated

3. james is sad and all reg can think is hmmmm i want him to start flirting with me again, because it meant he was happy bitch wtf

4. awww they’re cuddling and just got a package! my babies are gonna make it out!

5. reg realizes he has to put on a show, so he offers to feed james. and wants to gouge his eyeballs out for offering that. 😭😭😭😭

6. i’m dying from embarrassment but this is also so fucking funny. reg is like. let’s talk about our feelings. for each other. and james is just like *head tilt* ???

7. “"You weren't my first crush, James," Regulus whispers. "You were my first love."”

james didn’t just make reg feel good, he made reg feel and i am NOT okay.

8. “This whole time, Regulus has been steady on the fact that he wouldn't kiss James to save his own life, but he's apparently willing to do it to save James'.”

JFC why is he so emotionally constipated???

9. THEY KISS????? james is gonna be heartbroken when he realizes it was all an act

10. oh thank god james realized. at least it broke his heart now and not in two weeks

11. *squints* now reg has never wanted anything more than this kiss. girl. please. realize.

12. god, i’ve never read a kiss more beautifully and emotionally desperate written.

13. 😏 reg called him baby again!

14. oh god, maybe i’m just as bad as everyone in the hallow. maybe i’m just as bad as them. cause i enjoy their romance. i enjoy it so much. maybe i’m just as bad as the hallow for that. i- i think this every time i read the hunger games.

15. “James wants to sink his teeth into Regulus and leave the deep imprints of his teeth from one jutting hip bone to the other.” sometimes i forget that jegulus is a little unhinged in ways like this. and every time i’m reminded, I LOVE IT

16. “"You treat me like I'm stupid for daring to see good in people, but if there's no good in anyone, then what's the fucking point?"”

this entire section. this. this is what james is all about

17. 😟 authors note just told me i’m no better than a hallow. for my excitement over jegulus. and- yeah. i guess so. i’m so sorry y’all

[bringmefoxgloves]

i want to get more into saw/saw blogs b4 X comes out - what r some of ur fave saw blogs

Hi! You caught me at a good time (one where I have energy) so let's see if I can pump this out. I am in no way an authority on the entire Saw fandom so I will only be talking about my little corner of the internet. Please forgive me, my beloved followers, mutuals, and other owners of posts I have loved in this very small fandom-because I may forget some of you. The brain fog sometimes gets the best of me and if I did a full complete list, it would be.... It would be so long. This is in no way in order of best or worst, and sometimes I just have no words for why I love a person's blog.

@turnipoddity - Oh, what an artist! Every single post I see, love it. So excited to see an artist acquiring the Saw brainrot.

@bloodcoveredgf - Luna! Also just all around funny & good posts in addition to the Saw insanities.

@dracofelin - Jay has such good writing, and will make you love the ship of Mark Hoffman/Peter Strahm (coffinshipping).

@thefoulbeast - Simply put, Will's art makes me want to bite my own arm off. If you're interested in the video game Pathologic, his blog is worth a follow for that too.

@bathroomtrapped - I sometimes get the honor of previewing Larry's art mid-construction (because with all those colors and layers, it looks like building a house) and even half finished, it blows my socks off <3

@sawtrapz - Kaz, oh Kaz (!!!), Kaz gets my brain clicking about some of the rarepairs of this fandom and I will always spin your boygirl Adam in my head.

@cl0wnb0yyy - Will is just a great person in the fandom, also if you like Midnight Mass or NBC's Hannibal.

@ispyspookymansion - Kora looms large in the Saw fandom in my mind so it would be impossible to assemble this list without him.

@3razyswfangirl / @kiramillet - Kira's pixel art is amazing!!! Bunny <3

@tibby - Take a look through Tibby's saw meta. You won't be disappointed.

@allegedly-writer - Contrary to Jack's url, Jack can sure damn write! He just posted a fic and guess who it's for <3

@hansy-pansy-art - OUGH another amazing amazing artist. Also currently in a Red Dead Redemption moment, which I love.

@piddgeon - Speaking of RDR.... Mercury! Ah, just. (Chef's kiss) of a human being.

@samwis - Jami, who hears all my most insane horny thoughts who is such a mainstay in my corner of Saw fandom.

@romanromulus - Adam writes fics that will make you scream and cry into your pillow at midnight.

@tapeworrmart - Just. Ough. Art that I dream of one day hanging on my wall.

@vanilladella - a.m.'s art is my discord header. Enough said.

@carouselcometh - Remy is hilarious and also you need to read his series on Ao3.

@onehandkilling / @fatmasc - Shlomo... What do I say? Just go. Follow. Also threw in their fat fashion blog because YES!!!

@angel-trapped - Téa, you absolute legend. Origin of angelshipping (to me) (aka Lindsey Perez/Allison Kerry)

@sawtrapx - Liv, such a fun human being!!!

@starlightsailfish - Star's Saw Warrior Cats makes me dance in excitement.

@iinsawdious - Adrien is the best champion of the Adam & David (Saw 0.5) & Specs (Character from the Insidious franchise, also played by Leigh Whannell) are family hc. I love his enthusiasm!!

@adrianicsea - Adrian! Just. AH!!! Adrian's Sleeping with Ghosts series was perhaps my first introduction (outside of Adam romanromulus) to the sheer brilliance of Saw fandom writers.

@dodddraws - Dodd's art is.... I'm just at a loss for words, scrolling back through his blog. So much nsfw goodness.

@sawvhs - Rar's art is so so so iconic.

Okay I have to cut this list off here, jfc. There's others I should probably put on here but I'm getting tired and sweaty and my hands are hurting. Follow these people, check who they're reblogging from or who is reblogging them, go forth, prosper anon. Welcome to the Saw brainrot.