#just copypasted from my rambles and edited it a little

[cyberpunk-20xx]

Kerry's situation is a very painful reminder of how fucked up the game's canon society is, even to the rich people. Which is maybe my biggest gripe with the game. A game where I'm not given even the slightlest chance to change shit around me, a game that's just so pessimistic and cruel in how it treats its characters, so hopeless, is not punk. but that's smth else entirely to talk about.

Back to Kerry. He's less suicidal at the end of the game when V reached out and helped some to sooth his trauma about Johnny, even if one could argue it's maybe just, well, putting him back where he started or indulging a toxic fixation. Depends on your interpretation. But his situation hasn't actually changed, he's still held by his label in a death grip, even if at least his current manager's supposedly out of the picture. But even that i don't believe. All we know for sure is that we burned his yatch. Like. Kerry tells us that his MSM Record manager (can't remember his name and be bothered to check) makes him drink on purpose to get him to sign shit, which is blatant abuse and all we get to do is fucking burn a boat? Let me make the dude a corpse, even if you make me have to work for it jfc.

I really love when fanfic writers actually address that issue btw, because it really hurts me to think about him being left in this bullshit. And in so many endings we know his situation is less than ideal even with V.

Kerry's profound unhappiness is visible in many ways: the state of his house, his insinuated addictions, his impulsive, self-destructive behaviors, his tendency to lash out and paranoia to assume people are against him, and overall defensiveness, his fear of the unknown, his clinging to fame, his refusal to see his kids, his mentioned and hinted suicide attempts. He's a guy who, at 89, doesn't seem to me like he knows what he wants, what he needs.

Personally, it both hurts me and makes me really like him, because I find him relatable in how he reacts to despair. In that aspect, I find him very well-written, even if a lot of shitty tropes and pop star stereotypes are used. Yes, pop stars one.

(One other thing that's devastating about Kerry is that he's a rocker, but he doesn't act like one, according to his own definition (which seems to really just be Johnny's shitty macho definition altho it's a whole label that precedes both of them in the TTRPG lore). Which wouldn't be a problem to me if he also didn't find the genre inferior to rock.)

But what fucks me up the most is that he's dealing with despair at all, when out of the four LIs, he's the one that has the safest, most stable life. Hell, he could even easily leave Night City and never look back, and still create, he's got the money for it, it might sound terribly materialistic of me but the man has enough money to just no longer be dealing with all this shit. But he's stuck there because even at nearly fucking nine decades of life, he's not yet felt seen, heard, or acknowledged. He's still scrambling for his roots and something to look forward at once.

Kerry is 89 and has the self-esteem of a 23 years old still.

If I just listen to my basest instincts, I blame Johnny for a lot of that, but that's the easy way, actually. If I actually think about it, Kerry's responsible of his own life too, and Johnny got nothing to do with how he feels out of touch with his Filipino roots, or him being a burnt out rockstar, Johnny is not that powerful at all, and mostly I blame Arasaka and the corps, and i blame the music industry in the game especially actually, i blame the media and the fans for how Kerry bit by bit stops feeling human in the spotlight, but the thing is, it's harder to be angry at those, even in game. Because we're not actually given meaningful ways to do something about inequality in game, and when you're unable to fight something, your brain becomes apathetic to it. It's just a survival thing. my brain does that a lot. i prize my anger a lot because of that (probably why i am so attached to Johnny tbh).

I think Kerry craves to be seen as the man he is, but his ways to try and fix that is to feed the demigod image his career upholds. I'm mad we can't do something about it, nor see the change he deserves happen. I'm mad a game with "punk" in its name is so hopeless and cynical.

[nemofil]

i have a LOOOT of hollow knight thoughts because i recently opened up the game and started playing but err. copypasting some analysis(? it's more me rambling and hallucinating a game of connect-the-dots. still fun though)

i also want to mention this post which literally changed my brain chemistry and sort of spurred me to think about lost kin a little bit more. give it a read!

tl;dr: lost kin's inclusion in p4, alongside the general "theme" of the other combatants (the desire to strive/search and attain something, and how it ultimately destroys them, for one) within the pantheon, which strangely seems to coincide with lost kin's own implied themes, makes me think that it's definitely intentional and not just for difficulty's purposes. it's likely that they too, have something to do with this theme of striving/coveting.

(copypasted and edited from my own notebook EJIFSJDF)

i feel like it's interesting that lost kin is in p4, or pantheon of the knight. though, p4 is a mostly "dream bosses" pantheon, it could still hint at something. let's look at its participants (not including lost kin themselves):

enraged guardian

no eyes

traitor lord

white defender

failed champion

watcher knights

soul tyrant

pure vessel

i think they have a connection. an obvious one is how they're all "searching" for something. foraging. trying, but ultimately failing. yeah, that's the one. all of them are striving, reaching for something out of reach. and that is their ultimate downfall.

greed. [enraged guardian is literally described as the god of greed]

the search to avoid the infection, leading to her death.

the search for strength, his downfall, the reason why he became infected.

yearning. waiting, searching for closure. [this one, admittedly, is a bit of a stretch? but... play along shh shh]

the search for power, against his oppressors.

striving to protect their master.

the search for a cure to the infection.

striving to fulfill their purpose, and their father's wishes.

"how does all that play into lost kin being in p4?"

not explicitly- but it could be a hint. i like taking drugs and connecting the dots. a desire/motivation of sorts runs throughout the pantheon, and maybe lost kin has some of their own.

for starters, they are a vessel. so, i think they might share something with pure vessel- the desire to fulfill their purpose, the search to end the infection, turning into a mindless puppet at its hands. waiting for release, for peace- for closure. the downfall of thinkinng you could go toe-to-toe with a furious god, trying, but failing. futility...

regret. anger, resentment, hatred. yearning. i am literally insane. i could be looking too much into it, but i find it interesting how the "participants" of p4 have that theme of striving for a "perfection" of sorts. the perfect, pure vessel, the perfect cure, the perfect immortal life, the perfect life with the now-gone five great knights.

come to think of it, i haven't analyzed p4's flavor text of "seek the pure one". this... could just be referring to pure vessel but i think it could also apply to all the others. seek the pure focus, the pure shell of protection, the pure life with your dear five great knights. but that, i think, is certainly a stretch, even for me, who stretched the shit out of the p4 combatants choices HSHDGDHD

perhaps lost kin too, had their own... ideal to strive for. maybe that's why they're found in ancient basin, a highly obscure area which nobody would go to, unless they had a specific reason to. maybe that's why they also took the time to train to wield their nail semi-efficiently- and also why they died near monarch wings- they were preparing for a battle of sorts.

(side note: the reason this segment existed is because i realized that BV/LK's downward attack move resembles something from their sealed sibling, THK. i think this downward move is just a common nailbearer thing, but if we count lost kin knowing what the dash slash is, we can think that they did train under oro for a short while, and learned this move from him as a sort of "extra curriculum lesson" or something.)

perhaps lost kin was also searching for something. that call from up above, by either their sealed sibling, the light infecting them, or their own will. maybe they too, were beckoned, just like our little ghost.

we can be certain though, that lost kin was waiting for something. they were waiting for peace, to be released from the state you find them in, released from the blinding grasps of the radiance's light.

and maybe, they too, are rooting for you, waiting patiently for your victory against that forsaken god of light. and they help you one last time, giving you a load of dream essence, so you can truly know this kingdom's past, so you can unlock and learn everything you need to know. and then, maybe you can finally beat that damned moth into eternal obscurity.

they wish you luck. they hope you'll accept what little they have to offer.

[cyberpunk-20xx]

So uuuh River Ward

I got stuff to say about River Ward. cw for possible spoilers for his quest and discussion of the police institution

V changes a lot of lives, for the better and worse in some cases. In River's case, I'd argue it's a mix, because while V choosing to help him can result in the best case scenario for his family, he still quits his job as a cop.

Which, excellent, good thing in my book!!!! and tbh bare minimum. But that still signifies a loss of a really strong and stable belief system for him. For a long time after, once his nephew is saved, River seems aimless, like he lost his goal. He goes back to something that's close to it as a PI, only this time without the endorsement of of an inherently abusive system, which is ethically better, but way worse in terms of security for him as an individual.

There's a reason cops stay on the job even when they saw how rotten the institution is and they're not themselves actively doing harm. It's the financial security, the risk of losing social status, and it's not an accident that a lot of cops come from humble or even very poor backgrounds, just like soldiers!!! The police grooms a lot of men of lower social classes and men of colour to make them believe that becoming a policeman is a way to right the wrongs of their fellows.

By the way this is one of the reasons why River and Johnny parallel each other a lot. As much as both of them would hate to admit it.

And River throws all that to the fire for his family, which is arguably selfish, but it still meant something big to me. And he doesn't even do it for V, or thanks to V! He leaves either way! What really changes is that if V doesn't go with him to the abandoned farmhouse where Randy is imprisoned, he dies. Like, he just dies in the mines no matter what. Which rubs me the wrong way but that's off-topic.

I just love River a lot!!!!!!! because he's really complete and complex!!!!! Which is a feat cus I'm terrified of cops! I hated him and would keep choosing to act like VD does (VD who grew up in gang culture, a street kid though and through) even if I knew perfectly well that it was gonna upset/anger River. I didn't care!! I didn't even know he was gonna be a LI! And when I did I sneered at the possibility. I was wrong!!! Damn wrong!! The way the game goes about him and corruption in the police ended up not being a disaster imo.

Add-on: He's also so fucking loyal to V........ I don't know how he reacts if you choose him as endgame romance but get the Stars Ending, because I unwittingly got the Sun Ending with Judy (got my heart shattered and stomped on for that) so I might be missing some pieces but....... He makes me so soft (im still feral for him tho ngl)