#my brain exploded so fucking hard
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layla briar is such a banger name but do you know what other name goes harder? rhys briar. put a ring on that guy
i was about to say "thank you i did a lot of searching to make it sounds good while also be accurate to her design"
#my brain exploded so fucking hard#~ mailbox#nero tag#sauagdth..h.... euggh.#kevin rhys briar AHA!!!!!! CARBON MONOXIDE!!!!!!!!!#sorry running joke that yomiel and i call him kevin rhys like that's his full name becahse it works so well
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sorry im thinking about pathologic again and the contrasting meta narratives. theater performance vs childrens game. the very real tragedy of peoples lives vs the pixels on the screen of a video game. the hands of the developers vs the hands of the children vs the hands of the script writers vs the power of the kin’s mother vs the watching eye of the government. there are so many things in control of this world shaping it to their own whims and none of them in conversation with the other. a town pulled in a million separate directions by the very nature of it being a constructed narrative being false and yet so very real by its nature as a story that influences those who experience it. the places different players have in that narrative that story that constructed truth and the varying awareness each has of its true nature and what even is its true nature? is it a real living breathing world? is it a play? is it a game? is it a video game? who is aware of what? mark immortell is clearly aware of the theatrical realities, but what about his place as a character in that story? about his nature as a flat image on a screen? what about the rat prophet and the catcher? what about aglaya? shes clearly somewhat aware, explicitly in haruspex’s game, but of what? does she see the audience in the theater? glimpses of the garden her town resides in? can she reach out and brush her hands through the code, with no way of controlling the trajectory of it?
what does clara know?
#pathologic#SCRAMBLES MY FUCKI NG BRAIN SO HARD I EXPLODE#THIS GAMENIS SO FUCKING GOOD AND IT S ALSO SO BAD BUT ITS SO GOOD#THERES SO MUCH ABOUT IT THATS SO FUCKING COOL AND THEN THERES OTHER STUFF THAT MAKES YOU GO HEY WAIT A SECOND#THATS KINDA RACIST
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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presenting u Detective Ines
#agrrghrghrgjrgka#arknights#arknights ines#ines#feat w hoederer paprika#gaemms art#detective & thief au#im sorry this au is gripping my brain so fucking hard im going to explode
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Fem!Tooru is messy messy and gets sooo pink in the face and cums so hard when she tells you she’s gonna pee n instead of stopping, you just kiss her n tell her it’s okay to just let it all go while you’re fucking her 😞
Also begs you to piss on her cunt while you’re scissoring cause “‘s so nice n warm” ://///!!
FUSAIJDOHKJ3HFKFHKJGKAJEGFHKSEJFKJ3HFLSEKHFJAEHFKWHRIOH2QKJBDKDLQDHKQJHRHDKQJWDLKQHQH2KQ2FKJ3HFIU3HFKJ3BKFJQ3KJFBQ
YOU REALLY ARE FUCKING INSANE AND I WANT YOU SOOO BADDD FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUCKKK SHE'S SO FUCKING CUUTEE AND SHE'S SOOOO FUCKING WHINEYY SHE'S TRYING TO PUSH YOU AWAYY BUT SHE'S JUST SOOO WEAK WHEN SHE'S LIKE THISS AND SHE GETS SOOOO FUCKING EMBARRASSED ABT THE PISS RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH TRIES TO HIDE HER PRETTY FACE AND YOU JUST HAVE TO FORCE HER TO LOOK AT YOUUU
AND OHMYFUCKING GODDDD OF I HEAR HER SAY " 'SO NICE N WARM".. I AM. EATING HER. CANNIBALISM STYLE. YOUUUU CAN'T DOOO THIS TOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUUUCKFUCKFUKKKKFUCK FUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
#THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOFUCKING HOT#I WAS WRITING SOMETHING ELSE#BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS NOW?????????????????????????????????????????????#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL BRAIN ARE GONNA KILL ME FR#FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK#I ALSO ONLY NOW REALIZED THAT YOU MIGHT'VE MEANT TOORU AS IN OIKAWA WHEN THOUGHT ABT TORU AS IN SATORU#BUT#THAT'S ON ME ESP SINCE I DON'T ACTUALLY REALLY USE THE SHORT VERSION OF HIS NAME#OK MAYBE I'M OVERTHINKGING THIS ANYWAY BUT#BUT IT STILL FUCKING WORKS DOESN'T IT#THEY'RE BOTH SO FUCKING HOT#FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUCKK#GOD I'M SO HARD#I'M GONNA EXPLODE#THEY'RE BOTH SUCH PERFECT FUCKING BRATS#LITTLE PILLOW PRINCESSES WHO NEVER WANT TO LIFT A SINGLE FINGER#IF ONLY YOU COULD SEE THE WAY MY EYES KEEP ROLLING BACK INSIDE MY HEAD AFTER EVERY WORD I TYPE#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS#FFFFFFFFFFUUKCFUFKCUFKFUCFK#WET DREAM MATERIAL RIGHT HERE#MMMMMMMMMMMM#fem!satoru#fem!oikawa#elle <3#friends!!
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"Poor meow meow (tortures people)"
Does this mean there's lore for the dessert vampires au 👀👀👀👀👀
theres always been lore ! im still fleshing it out though, theres no overarching plot rn its just setting up the most important base details i have a REALLY clear vision for how i want to introduce the whole au so its pretty unfortunate i cant share anything until i drop the introduction
#ESPECIALLY since hand machine broke (BOTH OF THEM NOW.)#im what experts like to call FUCKING STUPID and i fucked up my left hand in the EXACT SAME WAY as my right hand 😭😭😭#downloaded sims 4 cc for like 5-6 hours straight and gripping my mouse for that long caused the literal Exact same pain in my left hand#down to the pinky joint and all#and i think i overexerted my hand again finishing that comm the pain flared up in my right hand again#so i cant do SHIT RN#would love to be writing out the introduction to desert vampires#but i can barely use the computer without both my hands exploding at me#this planet is a prison!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#letting them heal is so hard when theres nothing to do without my hands !#so for now ill just rotate them really fast in my brain#maybe ill shake some plot points out of them
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#tko_art#hahah wrong eye shape#hers is more droopy and less awakey#wow colors suck#really hard#but i've noticed it doesn't feel like my brain is going to explode everytime I try to determine color and values#i kind of got too tired and wanted to giv eup so no tear drop#which made me sad because i did want to try that#but back hurts#gotta go to bed to fight god tomorrow/today#i love rendering skin tones#they're so much fun#lovely love#I have accidentally locked in#suddenly every single moment of time that i'm not spending to do art is unappealing and so damaging#i'm psyching myself out of doing things I know will give me instant gratification and will make me pretty happy for whattttttttt#it's kinda depressing#If i think about it too hard it's just a constant cycle of oh god this is it for the rest of my life#so no thinking it is!#blegh this seems so silly and trivial#i hope nobody reads this shit#i'd have to kill myself or something#im never gonna stop thinking about how i didnt say i loved you back#and it haunts me#and i cant stop thinking about what u said to me#and even tho u didnt say it harshly i cant stop my mind from running away from me#and theres something horribly wrong with me that i need to gouge out#i hope u never read this#i didnt want to be (x) how fucked up is that#i wish i wasnt like this i wish i didnt have to learn how to live with trauma i wish i was normal
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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando#snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time#because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if#something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time#it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an#anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social#person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED#to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I#apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested#writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and#im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online#etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]
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GUYS!! THEY GOT TO SEE MY CHARACTERS HOT FUCKING BROTHER FINALLY!!
Heheheheheheeh I’m so HAPPYYYYYYYYYY
Other stuff from dnd today:
1. “The stickmother”
2. Azalea being the honorary straight man(she is a woman+lesbian)
3. My honest reaction to that information(my character’s lore is coming along nicely)
4. And generally the feel for the last two sessions
#farlian does art#digital art#original character#nada lograk#farlian does dnd#I AM FUCKING EXPLODING#MY BRAIN HURTS CAUSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD YOU CSNT MAKE THIS SHIT UP#sketch#meme art#shitpost art#dnd
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the way that i would have deified this one online friend if not for the fact that they like watching american football. like i literally need to remind myself they enjoy football so i can tear down the temple i build for them every time they talk
#and even then its so fucking hard for me 😭 give me friendship and my brain explodes ig#<- trying not to think abt how it could very well be other feelings. ANYWAY. anyway#oh god.
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i don't even care anymore. siesta everybody go to sleep. 'but pr we won't make it thru the night later' i don't care.
#other post#-pr#please please please work#my heads abt to explode#if i have any dreams ill be mad#i want unconscious not that#'but youre unconscious when asleep' half lucidity mear constantly over here it sucks so bad#nothing else jas worked re my dissociating so whatever whatever ill hard reset this stupid brain and body#and if that doesnt fix this well ig im just fucked
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genuinely swamped by Owen Carvour and Cate Dunlap thoughts but my brain doesn't work good today so unfortunately all I can do is howl
#i have the longest fucking post in the world percolating in my brain about Owen's ideological reasons for joining Chimera#and every time i go to write it my brain explodes#and also thinking very hard about extremely vulnerable and touch-starved cate dunlap#waging war for reasons that are so understandable & sympathetic but going so far w it she ends up joining the machine she sought to destroy#nobody knows what im talking about
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did you know that octavius and jedediah are kissing in my head right now and no one can stop them
#they are always in my brain doing faggoty things#need to write down then left i'm going to explode#thinking so hard about married dtl jedtavius AGAIN !!!!!! i need them to take care of each other#i need them so be so ridiculously whipped for each other that it's sickening.#dtl chapter is halfway done by the way. i just don't know when i can finish it because i have so much fucking uni work
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i feel a deep need to scream into the void think i’ll sleep instead
#autocorrect stop fucking capitalizing my i’s#ramblings#I have been encouraged to apply for something#but doing so requires me to figure out what the fuck I’m doing with my life#or at least what I think I could focus on for at least. hear#at least a year#but I canf help but think none of it matters because I provavky wouldn’t get the thing anyway#whatever#typing hard sleep good brain needs to shut the fuck up right now before I explode
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Me, explaining things in a way that's completely incoherent: I don't understand what you find so difficult to comprehend???
#i think the problem is that something in my brain structures information in a way thats hard for other people to understand#it may be a dyslexia thing. but it is the most frustrating thing to be misunderstood without any#idea of howbwhat ur saying doesnt make sense. like. look. fucking. its right there. laid out in a way that looks like an absolute disaster#bc u would think with as many control issues id b extremely organized but no. i kno where everything is#but its in a pile. aye. this project is such a clusterfuck#this is how my brain collapses. what sort of shape will i b in by the time we finish? (ie my birthday lol)#let's not think abt it. it wont b good.#everyday i get texts and emails and i have to put my head down and take a deep breath so by brain doesnt explode. the amount of psychic#pain i am burdened with when i open my manuscript doc is shocking.#is this my villian origin story? ive lost the ability to not look like im in pain while im in meetings. if u pay close attention u can see#the misery behind my eyes. my boss is gonna turn up the 23rd and b like: ready to go get icecream to celebrate#ur paper and phd accptance? and im gonna b like: i would rather eat glass#if u try to rope me into a surprise party i might walk out. excpet i wont bc im not that much of a brat#theres nothing to celebrate. just let me lay down on the floor for a while#unrelated
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the paradox of self-awareness 😵💫
#rubi rambles ⋆。𖦹 °✩#like holy shit.#fernando pessoa was NOT fucking around#became hyperfixated on his philosophy for a little bit yesterday#the book of disquiet 😵💫😵💫😵💫#i want to read it so bad.#the fact that he like predicted it’s fate IN the book#jesus.#thinking about self awareness is just a big giant rabbit hole that just kills you.#and how it’s literally impossible to communicate and understand one’s internal experience#or how he believed that there was no point in achieving anything#because the reality we have created in our heads is just as true as the last dream we had#holy shit i really can’t think about this too hard or my brain will explode#it’s all just so crazy to me to think about i guess#like his entire life philosophy was circled around that#and there’s also no doubt in my brain that his childhood had something to do with it#okay#sorry i am BABBLING#BYEEEE
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