#my brain IMMEDIATELY went to this episode of sam says

[danerom]

end of episode 17 spoilers

[clarionglass]

yeah, we all knew this one was coming. 5395 words, if you're wondering exactly how bad the brain rot has set in ^^;

----- deja vu (sam reich!master cinematic universe, part 2)

Right from the beginning of Game Changer, Sam had had a small monitor in his dressing room where he could watch the show being recorded. He'd always appreciated it being there, but never quite understood the point of having it, if he was going to be on stage hosting the shows himself. 

When his doppelganger was hosting, though, being able to watch the show while hidden away was absolutely ideal. 

Since Escape the Greenroom, the pair had been less cautious about being seen in the building together. It was always more enjoyable to debrief immediately after a show, and besides, they had their secret weapon. The magic technology that kept anyone from thinking too hard about two Sams in the one place had turned out to be nothing more than a small lump of circuitry attached to a key on a loop of string, and whichever Sam wasn't on set at the time held onto it and watched the session from the dressing room. It was an extra precaution—hell, if everyone knew Sam was in the middle of a recording, why would they be going into his dressing room—but it was handy to have nonetheless. 

It didn't work if you knew what you were looking for, though, so when the door creaked open and his doppelganger walked in, pure glee painted across his face from ear to ear, he turned his megawatt smile on Sam straight away. 

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Good record, was it?”

“Oh, was it ever.”

“Well, great!” Sam replied. “You were pretty keen for this one, glad it lived up to expectations.”

As his double nodded with satisfaction, Sam's eyes flicked back to the monitor, now showing a view of backstage, and Trapp, Ify and Siobhan talking quietly to each other. 

Something felt off. They didn't seem distressed or anything bad, bad, but the energy between the three contestants was weirdly muted. As it was for everyone, actually. Josh, Zac, Brian—the general vibe backstage was sitting noticeably lower than usual, particularly with such big personalities in the room. 

“How'd the cast take it, though?” he asked. “They all look exhausted, was everything alright?”

His doppelganger flapped a hand dismissively. “Oh, they're fine. It was just a long record.”

“No longer than usual,” Sam said, with a brief glance down at his watch and a frown. “We had seven loops planned, right? And you definitely didn't get through all of them, you only did, what—”

“Five, yeah,” his double agreed, speaking with him. “For the episode, we ended up recording five.”

There was an odd tone in his voice as he said it, an emphasis on the specifics that was just a little too weighted. Sam grimaced. 

“I'm sensing there's a but coming.”

“Yeah,” his doppelganger admitted slowly, then grinned, a bright, twinkling expression of pure mischief. “We actually ran a lot more loops than that.”

“Wait,” Sam said, “wait. No, you didn't, I was watching the entire thing.”

“Come on,” his doppelganger shot back, a bite of impatience bleeding into his excitement. “You really think I'd fight to do the fake time loop episode and not throw in a real time loop or five?”

“Oh my god.” It was all Sam could say, and he really couldn't tell if he was impressed, or dumbfounded, or just really fucking worried. “Oh, my god. What did you do?”

The giddy delight shining in his double's eyes as his smile broadened even further, brilliant and infectious and only slightly predatory, did nothing to calm Sam's nerves. 

---

The first loop went well enough, and confusingly enough. Weird trivia, questions that clearly had an answer, but no way of working out what that answer was, cameos that didn’t seem to relate to anything—it was strange, but you knew that was what you were getting into when you signed up for Game Changer. Trapp, Ify and Siobhan knew that there was a solution to it, but they’d just have to work until they found it.

And then Sam pulled out that bizarre dance that he expected them all to join in on, and accidentally kicked Kevin’s camera out of his hands, and the three of them shuffled offstage for a two minute reset.

-

The second loop, the pieces were starting to fit into place. The trivia was a memory tester; the weird questions had answers that could only be worked out with knowledge gained in previous rounds; Zac’s—sorry, Grant’s—spaghetti was going to cause problems by way of Brian’s podium inspector; the list went on. 

This time, it was pretty clear that the kick wasn’t accidental. 

-

The third loop, everyone knew they were dealing with loops right from the start. 

-

“I think my watch battery is dead,” grumbled Ify on the t̷͖͗̅h̶̥̔͗i̴͉̞̊r̴̭͘d̵̢͔͌̈́ loop.

-

Loop aft̵̐͜e̷̘̓r̵̩͊ ḽ̵̞́o̷͉̬̼͈͘ö̸̖̠̭́̈̀p̶̡̣̖͂ ạ̸͌͘f̸̱̲͐͗t̶͈͐̇ẻ̶͇̮̄ř̷̤̗͝ ̷̹̌l̸͎͎̔̀̅̀̀̕ò̸̢̨̜͓̳̮̀̕o̶̮̕p̵̪̫̠̝̘̒͒͗̚ͅ, ad infinitum ad nauseam. 

-

A few loops in, Siobhan watched Brian get paler and paler as he examined the trio of podiums. And this time, he was actually taking the time to look at them properly, not just making an act of peering through that stupid little magnifying glass in order to justify a foregone conclusion. He was acting weird, even for him.

Still, he put a good face on it, declaring each one dirty in increasingly elaborate ways, just as he had every time before. Something had clearly rattled him, though, and it made her uneasy in turn.

“Sir? Excuse me, sir?” she said, just as she had the last few rounds, and smiled sweetly with a dollar bill folded in her palm. As Brian came over, she locked eyes with him, hoping the look was enough to convey her question.

“Camcorder, Jan ‘97,” he muttered as he took the money, and had given her the (bribed) point and hurried backstage before she could ask what he meant.

She knew the video he was referring to, it was one of his. Creepy, definitely, but very well-done, all about rewinding tape and rewriting time. And—yeah, man, duh. This was the time loop episode, apparently, so why state the obvious? And why so cryptically?

Unless… unless it was something to do with time loops that wasn’t to do with the format of the episode. 

How long had they been recording, anyway? All their phones were in the box backstage, Ify’s watch was dead, she wasn’t wearing one at all, and with her and Trapp on the outside podiums, there was no way she could ask him without making it look stunningly obvious. But it had been a while, for sure, and Sam wasn’t showing any of his usual signs of wanting to usher the recording session towards a natural conclusion.

If anything, he was looking wolfishly pleased with the way things were turning out. He'd even favoured Brian with a wider grin than usual, where Brian's own smile had been kind of watery. 

Another part of that video, Siobhan couldn't help but recall, was that sinister, looming silhouette.

-

Through more and more loops, and the brief interludes they were granted backstage, they’d worked out the rules, sort of. People weren’t affected by the loops resetting, they carried through pretty much as normal. Objects didn’t, though. Things on the set, like the ducks, the money in their envelopes, and the spaghetti stuck to their podiums, reset to the state they were at at the beginning of what they’d begun to call “Loop 3.0”. Things brought across the threshold of the set, like Zac/Grant’s plate of spaghetti, or Josh’s balloons, reset as soon as they crossed over that boundary.

Josh hadn’t had a good time when he realised that one. While the contestant cast and the cameo cast were kept separate backstage, the contestants had to assume that Brian would have told them everything he’d worked out. The next loop after Brian had given his hint to Siobhan, the contestants had to watch a very good character actor try to keep control of the creepy clown role while going through a moderate existential crisis. It was uncomfortable to watch, stuck at their podiums and unable to help. At least they could mutter a few words of encouragement each time they went up to pop a balloon, and the same with Zac and Brian each time they came by to mess up or inspect their podiums. 

It was good to have that connection, brief as it might have been. They might have been stuck, but at least they were in this fuckery together.

The crew, though, seemed to be immune from feeling the weirdness they were caught up in. Or—no. Not immune. Exempt. They weren’t trapped in the loop, they were part of it, moving along their set tracks like automata. It took the cast a while to work that one out, because Sam kept time perfectly, interacting with Ash when she brought out the contraption and the jar of beans as if they were having a normal, fluid conversation. But then Ify spotted that the camera operators were moving completely out of sync with the cast, and Trapp noticed that only Sam’s half of the interaction with Ash ever changed, and the illusion fell apart from there. The crew wouldn’t be a lifeline.

And speaking of Sam… Fuck, it was a hard one to swallow. He was their boss, their friend, and they’d all known him for years—hell, he’d come through for each of them multiple times. Until now, he had been pretty unequivocally a Good Guy. But it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the signs that Sam Reich was the puppeteer of this entire shitshow.

He was still pretending to not know what anyone meant when they expressed frustration with the loops, but the words were accompanied by a twinkle in his eye that said he knew exactly what was going on, and was staunchly refusing to help. He was delighting in their discomfort, even more so now the cast knew just how fucked they really were.

He looked like Sam, he sounded like Sam, every single mannerism was something that the cast knew intimately. But the personality driving his actions was wrong. Maybe this guy wasn’t Sam at all. Fuck, if they’d suddenly been catapulted into a reality where time loops were real, maybe so were evil clones, or brain-snatching parasites, or—no, the magician great-grandfather lore from Escape the Greenroom was still a stretch too far. But given the choice between believing that a weird sci-fi plotline was true, when another one was literally happening around them; or believing that their friend had secretly been some kind of torturer with access to sci-fi tech the entire time they’d known him—the decision wasn’t particularly hard. 

“We have to stop him from kicking the camera,” Trapp said quietly, as soon as they had all huddled backstage. “That’s what he’s going with as the trigger.”

“It could be another bluff,” Siobhan interjected glumly. “More fucking misdirection.”

Trapp shot her a look. “You got anything better you want to try?”

“I can get between him and Kevin if I’m quick,” Ify volunteered, the tallest among them by a good half a head, with a build to match.

“See what happens,” Trapp said. “But be careful, yeah? Don’t get yourself hurt.”

“So what’s the way to get out?” Siobhan asked, as Ify nodded his agreement. “There has to be something, I might start killing people if I let myself think this is actually completely random.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “Popping the right balloon? Or winning the video game?”

“Or unlocking that,” Ify suggested, nodding to the green chest that had been sitting on the table the entire time. 

“Yeah,” Siobhan and Trapp agreed together.

“Cool, so we try and—”

“Sorry, y’all, but I’m supposed to take your phones?” Kaylin interrupted, holding out the box as she always did. 

By virtue of podium order, Trapp, then Ify, then Siobhan noticed it as they walked on and gave their introductions. Something had changed.

The point totals on the podiums read 14, 9, 14. The points they’d ended with in Loop 3, not started with. They’d survived it. Time was moving.

-

“Sam, look over there!” Siobhan exclaimed as she entered, and dragged a couple of boxes onstage with her in no more subtle a way than she did the last time. 

Trapp got it, he really did. These loops had been… wearing, was probably the best word for it. “Sadistic” was a bit too harsh, particularly when nothing actually bad had been happening (and to be honest, he didn’t even want to risk thinking too badly of the person who seemed to be pulling all the strings in this scenario, in case he somehow noticed, and decided to turn the heat up), but… yeah. Wearing. So he understood why Siobhan might be trying to keep things the same. Making the group less fun for their host to play with.

The trivia rounds were chaos, as always, and passed in a jumble of noise that Trapp was only half focused on. A quiz show was still a quiz show, even if it had descended into some kind of weird time loop purgatory, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to be first on the buzzer regardless. Maybe the points were the way to get out of this whole shitshow, who could say. But when Ify and Siobhan started to have their exact same argument over the equation question, complete with Ify’s triumphant twerking, Trapp felt his stomach rise into his throat, as if once again, the ground had been cut out from under him.

“Yeah, Solzhenitsyn,” Siobhan nodded in response to a question he hadn’t asked, and his blood went cold. 

Sam, or possibly ‘Sam’, looked him dead in the eye and winked. 

“Next up, there’s a little game I have just for Mike Trapp,” he said with a smirk.

Tinny music started up, and the bright colours of that infuriating video game popped up on the screen, but Trapp didn't care. There wasn't any point in pretending now. 

“You fucker,” he said, walking close to eyeball the host. “You mother fucker.”

‘Sam’ just wheezed with laughter, exactly as the real Sam Reich would when a contestant insulted him out of annoyance at the game, and for the briefest of moments, Trapp had his doubts. Everything about this man said Sam Reich, every tiny detail. Had he really been hiding this all along?

“You were doing great playing as a team,” ‘Sam’ said once he'd regained his composure, looking at Trapp with wide-eyed sincerity. “But that's not really the point of the game, now, is it?”

No. Sam, actual Sam, wouldn't do this to his friends.

“What have you done to them?”

“To them? Nothing,” whoever the fuck this was said brightly. “To the studio, though… Well, it would take too long to explain, and you wouldn’t understand most of it anyway. Let’s just say I can run this whole place like a VCR, and the only two people who wouldn’t be caught up in it right now are you and me, bud.”

“That’s fucked up,” Trapp said, as Ash, deaf and blind to their conversation, came out with the giant jar of beans. “That’s just fucked. Let them go.”

“Aw, but they’re probably having a better time than you are right now,” ‘Sam’ said, mock-serious. “They think time’s finally moving ahead for them, remember? And anyway, do you really want to be arguing with little old me when you’re wasting your one chance to earn points without any competition? It is an individual game, after all.”

Trapp’s eyebrows shot high. “Are you saying only one of us gets out of this? You sick fuck.”

‘Sam’ just shrugged and smiled, looking meaningfully at the empty podium. “Do you want to risk it? The choice is yours, Trapp, but time's a-ticking.” His smile flashed. “Or maybe it isn't.”

-

“Next up, there’s a little game I have just for Ify Nwadiwe,” ‘Sam’ announced.

Yeah, no shit. Ify wasn’t an idiot, even if his point total was sitting below his fellow contestants’. He’d been checking his not-actually-dead watch at the start of every loop, so he knew right from the off that even though their host had been gracious and let them pass through one gauntlet, it sure didn’t mean that the time fuckery had finished. 

This run, though, was looking extra screwed up. Siobhan arguing loudly with him about things he didn’t even say this time was the final confirmation. He was alone in this loop, just him and the guy who was running the show.

He knew that ‘Sam’ knew that he knew that he was the only person who wasn’t stuck. So he waited, staring flatly at the person who had taken over the host’s podium, watching to see what move he would make.

‘Sam’ just smiled. “Left or right?”

Alright, so that’s how he was going to play it. Yeah, no, absolutely not. 

“Nah, nah, nah,” Ify said instead of engaging, because it didn’t really matter. In his peripheral vision, the game kept scrolling through. “Fuck that. What’s the win condition? What do we need to do to get out of here?”

“Play the game,” ‘Sam’ replied.

“Shut the fuck up, man.” Ify shook his head, and ‘Sam’ chuckled like he’d told a good joke. “We’ve already done that, and it’s got us exactly fuckin nowhere. You put us in this thing for a reason, so there’s gotta be something you want to see happen.”

‘Sam’ blinked at him innocently. “Who says this isn’t exactly it?”

Ify took a deep breath. “Let me get this straight. You’re saying we’re in here, doing the same shit over and over again, until you feel like you’ve had enough?”

“In a nutshell,” ‘Sam’ beamed, “yes.”

“Fuck you, man,” Ify said, shifting his weight to lean more heavily on the podium. “Fuck you.”

“Noted,” ‘Sam’ said brightly. “But I wouldn’t spend too long being mad at me, because—” he broke off, giving the front of Ify’s podium a significant look, “—you’ve got quite a lot of ground to make up, in… well. Who can say how much time?”

“Fuck you,” Ify repeated, and ‘Sam’ just laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

-

Ify was taking too long to name a goddamn Keanu Reeves film, again, and Siobhan had had just about enough. So when he stalled, and stalled, and still came up with the same title he’d answered in the last round, grinning like he’d just got one over on her, she could have screamed.

And then she remembered where she was, and who was asking the questions, and her heart sank. They weren’t done yet, apparently, and this time she was completely on her own.

She playacted the rest of the argument, that and the equation question, and hated the fact that even to her own ears, she was sounding more and more shrill as she shouted, because yeah, it’s panic-inducing to continue a screaming match with someone who doesn’t even register that you’re there. Every word was another reminder that she was trapped.

And then the melodrama stopped, and ‘Sam’ smiled at her. “Next up, there’s a little game I have just—”

“—for Siobhan Thompson?” she finished with him, voice dripping with sarcastic surprise, just like she had in Loop 3.0. 

“That’s right!” ‘Sam’ said happily. “Now. Left, or right?”

“No,” Siobhan said.

The man in front of her raised his eyebrows. “No?”

“You’re not Sam, which means I’m not fucking playing. So, who are you?”

“Sam Reich,” he answered quickly, easily, naturally.

Siobhan frowned. “No. Bullshit. Who are you?”

“Sam Reich,” he repeated, sounding somehow even more sincere, and genuinely confused that Siobhan would be asking. Fuck that. She wouldn’t take it. Couldn’t take it.

“No. Bullshit. Try again! Who the fuck are you?”

This time, instead of doubling down, he paused. “Do you want to know a secret?”

After a moment, she nodded warily. He beckoned her close, and slowly, cautiously, she left her podium, walking up to this devil in the shape of a game-show host. Close enough to see his eyes properly, and how truly, deeply old they were.

“Even if I told you,” he stage-whispered, those ancient eyes sparkling with terrible glee, “it wouldn’t make a single bit of difference.”

-

“Did you just—”

“Yeah. And—”

“Yeah.”

The three of them were once again huddled backstage, debriefing. 

“So, are we allowed to do this?” Trapp asked quietly. “Because he seemed pretty against the idea of us working together.”

“Didn't say anything to me,” Ify shrugged. “And I don't see another way of getting out of this if we don't share stuff. And even then—sorry, but I think we're here til he wants to let us go.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Ify said. “Because we got the game, we got the key, we opened the chest, and here we all are again, so I dunno what we have to do. I asked him point blank about the win condition, and—”

“He made it sound like the points, to me,” Trapp interrupted.

Ify nodded. “Me too. But he also pretty much said we're here because he's having fun. I don't think the points are it.”

“So we can lose, but we can't win.” Siobhan's voice was dull.

“C'mon, Siobhan,” Trapp said encouragingly. “We'll get out of it. We've gotta have hope.”

Siobhan just looked flatly at him.

“Look, there are silver linings, okay?” Trapp insisted. “Not many, sure, but enough to look for. Like, because it means our actual friend isn't fucking with us—this guy isn't Sam, that's for sure.”

“I'm not…” Siobhan started, and winced. “This is going to sound bad. But I'm not even sure he's human.”

Ify exhaled deeply.

“Don't give me that,” Siobhan snapped reflexively, and Ify raised his hands placatingly.

“I'm not saying I don't agree,” he said. “It checks out. But it's heavy going, that's all.”

Siobhan nodded, looking calmer. “He still wouldn't say who he is, but… I saw him. The real him, up close. And yeah, he's the spitting image of Sam, but… fuck. People don't look like that behind the eyes.”

“Jesus,” Trapp breathed.

She just nodded wordlessly in reply, and despite knowing that it was costing them valuable discussing time, all three lapsed into silence. What could you say to that sort of revelation?

“The microphone,” Ify said abruptly, and Trapp and Siobhan’s eyes both swung to him. “I mean, I’ve still been thinking about win conditions. Or at least how he’s controlling the loop, and how we can use that.”

“He said he can run it like a VCR,” Trapp added. “But I’m not sure how, I assumed it was something in his podium—”

“But he keeps drawing attention to the microphone,” Ify continued. “Every single goddamn loop.”

“So we break it,” Siobhan said decisively. 

Trapp made a face. “Or steal it?”

“Whatever. Either way, we get it out of his control.”

“Sorry, y’all,” came a familiar voice, and they all had to stifle a groan. Planning time was over.  

The game started back up again, and—the point totals were as high as they remembered. The set was just as dirty. All promising signs. 

And then their host’s eyes turned to Siobhan after Ify’s successful run at the video game, and her stomach clenched. Even though the time loop continuing was the worst possible scenario, departures from his routine were never a positive thing.

He gave her an indulgent look. “But, Siobhan.” 

She was focused, she was prepared, she could handle whatever he threw at her. “Yes.”

“Because it is the last round of our game…”

Oh.

The buzzy little chiptune started up again, but to Siobhan, Trapp and Ify, it didn't mean a thing. The words “last round” rang in their ears sweeter than any music.

All of them knew it was probably false hope. Nonetheless, it was better than nothing. Something to cling to as they trod the motions of the remaining questions.

And then the cameo cast and all the crew came onstage when the wenis music played, and that certainly had a grand finale type feel to it; and Kevin didn’t get kicked in the face, no matter how much he was darting around in what had suddenly become a minefield of flailing limbs; and whatever it was that was wearing Sam Reich’s face led them all through more repetitions of the routine than usual, radiating manic joy the entire time.

“And stop!” he yelled as the music cut out, throwing his arms wide and looking around frantically as if the camera remaining intact had any fucking bearing on the time loop whatsoever. “Kevin, did we get that?”

The cameraman pulled open the now heavily duct-taped camera body, then looked up, scripted embarrassment mingling with scripted regret. “There’s no tape in the camera.”

And with that, their host turned away from him to look straight down the barrel of the main camera, favouring it with an open smile of pure, uncomplicated enjoyment; the sort of smile that invited you to share in it with him, no matter how strong the hatred that burned in your veins. “That brings us to the end of our show!” he announced happily. “Our winner tonight: Mike Trapp!”

“No-one’s a winner,” Trapp cut in, shaking his head. “No-one’s a winner here today.”

But even so, he was presented with a cool watch, and the confetti cannons went off, and they left the set for longer than two minutes and weren't called back at all, and finally, finally, they could let themselves believe it. 

The loop was broken. They were free. 

---

“What did I do?” Sam’s doppelganger repeated, pausing for a moment to think. “Oh, nothing awful.”

Normally, Sam would be content to let that slide. But just lately, he’d been getting a weird feeling from his doppelganger, and there was too much grey area between ‘something good’ and ‘nothing awful’ to be comfortable. “No, seriously.”

“We just ran the recording a few more times,” his double huffed, his smile fading—not quite impatient, but visibly put out, somehow, like he didn’t feel sufficiently appreciated. “Look at them, they’re fine.”

“I am looking at them,” Sam said. “And that’s why I’m asking. They’re my friends, I can tell when something isn’t right.”

His doppelganger hummed briefly, moving next to him to come and look at the monitor, and—just for a flash, less than a second—Sam felt the hair on the back of his neck rise when his double passed behind him. 

“Maybe you're right,” he said slowly, after watching the feed for a few seconds. “Okay, I'll fix it. I'll have a chat to them.”

Sam exhaled, relief washing over him. Of course there wasn't anything to be worried about.

“Thanks,” he said.

His double just smiled faintly and nodded, then left the room.

Sam turned back to the monitor, waiting for the moment a minute or so later when his double would appear in the frame. And sure enough, he did. The sound setup was only piped in from the stage, and even then it wasn’t the best quality, so Sam didn’t have a chance of hearing what was actually being said. But he watched as, without exception, every single cast member flinched when his doppelganger touched them lightly on the shoulder to get their attention. 

The conversations were quiet, with a gentle sort of intensity. His double seemed to be focused on making sure each person felt acknowledged—Sam couldn’t recall him breaking eye contact with anyone he was speaking to—and whatever he said, it seemed to work. One after another, he spoke to all the cast, contestants and cameos, leaving calm in his wake. And when he had talked to the last one, and everyone looked settled and genuinely at ease, he shot a look of pure satisfaction towards the backstage camera, and headed out of view.

“Thank you,” Sam said again when his doppelganger returned to their dressing room, and received a gracious nod in reply. “Just out of curiosity, though—what did you tell them? Because fuck, it worked like a charm!”

His double tilted his head, half-smiling. “Oh, you know. All the right things. That I was very sorry for anything that might have gone weird during the recording, that I wasn’t feeling like myself, that it’ll never happen again… Oh, yeah—and then I wiped their memories.”

Sam coughed. “You what?”

“Wiped their memories,” his double repeated matter-of-factly. “It was the simplest solution, really. Everyone stays in continuity, they’re blissfully free of any… more troubling memories, our cover isn’t blown—it’s perfect.”

“No, hang on, you can’t—”

“I can, and I did,” his doppelganger replied. “I fixed the problem—which you asked me to, I might add—and now everyone’s back to their regular happy selves. It’s a totally closed system. The only person who knows it happened at all is me. Oh, and you, of course.”

Sam frowned.

“Besides, this way, you don’t have to worry about having to work out the overtime for a time loop, because they’ve got no idea what the extra pay would even be for,” his double added breezily before he had a chance to say anything, then snapped serious. “And don’t look at me like that, Samuel Dalton Reich, because you were thinking about it. I know you.”

Unfortunately, he couldn’t deny it. The tiny part of his mind that was always in Dropout CEO mode had been grappling with the ethical and financial implications of a time loop and getting nowhere, and the relief of not having to deal with it was like a fist unclenching.

“See?” his doppelganger said, meeting his eyes with a pointed sort of kindness. “I know what I’m doing, Sam, I’ve been doing it for a very long time. And it’s better for everyone like this.”

“I don’t—” Sam started, faltering. On the one hand, there was something intuitively and viscerally horrifying about his friends having their memories wiped. But on the other… 

“If you don’t want to know,” his double said softly, and god, it gave Sam the shivers to hear his own voice used that way, “there is a way around it. I thought you’d rather be a part of everything that’s going on, but…”

His eyes caught and held on Sam’s like magnets, and—something had shifted behind them, something small, but with a seismic effect. He was pinned by that gaze, trapped, electrified; wholly unable to look away.

“I can do the same for you as I did for them.”

On the other hand… his double was right. It was kinder, probably, if they didn’t remember whatever they went through, and in that moment, he realised he couldn’t even begin to guess what that was. And… it was definitely easier.

“No,” he said, and when the word came out as a whisper, he cleared his throat and tried again. “No. It’s okay.”

His doppelganger blinked, and the spell was broken.

“Great!” he said brightly, back to his usual cheerful self, with all traces of that scary side—that dangerous side—folded neatly away. “You know, I really didn’t want to have to do that to you—you’ve been so much fun to work with, it would have been a shame to have it all come to nothing.”

And Sam, feeling like a marionette with its strings cut, hated the fact that he agreed. Even with everything that had happened lately, he couldn’t deny that the electricity that came from working with his doppelganger, the sizzle of pushing ideas just that bit past the boundaries and laughing uproariously at the result, was liberating. Exhilarating. Addictive, almost, a heart-racing excitement that sang in his blood.

Maybe the danger was part of the game. And as long as nobody came to any harm, he could keep playing.

“Just… promise me one thing, okay?” he started, and his double turned wide, patient eyes on him. “Promise me I won’t have to see anything like that again. There’s nothing we can do to change this now, but I can’t let it happen again, yeah? They’re my friends, and there’s a line.”

“Sure,” his doppelganger agreed. “You’re right. And I do like them, so—hm. I’ll treat them like I would my own friend.”

“Thanks,” Sam replied, finally letting the tension drain out of him. “That means a lot.”

His doppelganger just nodded in acknowledgement, then clapped him on the shoulder and grinned. “C’mon. We’ve got more work to do.”

----- missed an installment of the sam reich!master cinematic universe?

original idea by @ace-whovian-neuroscientist: x

art by @northernfireart concept: x scissor sisters sketch: x sam and his doppelganger: x

writing by me (!) part one (escape the greenroom): x part two (deja vu): you are here!

[scoobydoodean]

I hate how long the whole Amy thing is drawn out because I hate her ass. But Sam and Dean making up at the end of the whole thing is actually shockingly wholesome. I may hate Amy, but I do support Sam's right to be upset that Dean went behind his back and lied about it. And so does Dean, because lying to Sam about Amy is something Dean's been feeling terrible about for weeks.

When Sam finds out, he says he can't be around Dean. Dean gives Sam space without protest. For a week and a half, they don't speak. It's possible Dean's tried to call, but we see that Sam hasn't left him any messages (and Dean's been checking). Sam and Dean happen to reunite in "The Mentalist" because they just so happen to pursue the same case (because again. As I am always saying. #sam the hunter). Sam is not sure about working together when he first sees Dean, because he's still pissed, but he's also hiding a smile at Dean's antics almost immediately behind his cold exterior. Dean is definitely laying it on thick with the banter and the jokes (as Leviathan!Dean said last episode: Dean thinks he's a comedian) and no one has been there to laugh or glare disapprovingly at his jokes for the last week and a half (as pointedly illustrated when Dean investigates the crime scene alone at the beginning of the episode and tells a joke to an empty room). Dean jumps right into his thoughts on the case quickly, which Sam probably appreciates as he's been pouring over a bunch of lore and case details alone, and he agrees to work together with only a token protest about still being mad at Dean. Big "you're on thin ice" vibes.

But their squabble is so JUICY. First of all, it happens right after a psychic pulls Dean aside to give him a message from Ellen of all people:

I’m sorry, I don't normally do this during business hours, but do you know an Eleanor... or an Ellen? She seems quite concerned about you. She wants to tell you – pardon me – if you don't tell someone how bad it really is, she'll kick your ass from beyond. You have to trust someone again eventually.

And damn—it's a little messy, but Dean goes outside and he starts to communicate.

DEAN: No, we agreed to work the case. We didn't agree for you to be a dick the whole time.

Honestly? I didn't think Sam was being that big of a dick—he was jumping the gun on a few things, including burning the bones (and they end up burning the wrong ones and someone else dies).

SAM: What? DEAN: You're pissed, okay? And you've got a right.

I love this, because Dean's anger is rarely treated as justified no matter what the cause, but Dean's not going to deny someone the right to be mad at him when he's hurt them.

SAM: Yeah, damn straight. DEAN: But enough's enough. SAM: Says who? Look, I'll work this damn case, but you lied to me, and you killed my friend. SAM turns and walks away.

You think Dean's done? Ohhhh buddy he hasn't even gotten started.

DEAN walks after him. DEAN: No, I put down a monster who killed four people, and if you didn't know her, you'd have done the same thing.

Oh SNAP! GET HER ASS!!! SHE FUCKING KILLED PEOPLE SHE THOUGHT WERE BENEATH HER ON THE SOCIAL LADDER AND JUSTIFIED IT WITH HER GODDAMN MORTGAGE!!

SAM: I did know her, Dean.

Amy is special because Sam knew her, so she deserved special treatment... or did she?

DEAN: Yeah, which is why you couldn't do it. SAM stops. DEAN: Look, I get it. There are certain people in this world, no matter how dangerous they are, you just can't.

I wonder who Dean could be thinking of 🤔 Perhaps the angel he refused to believe would ever betray them until it was unwittingly revealed by Cas himself? The angel who broke Sam's brain who Dean still couldn't stop grieving and hoping would come back to himself after? Whose trench coat he's carrying around in his trunk? Then again... Dean did move to kill godstiel when it came right down to it. There is a connection between Dean's feelings about Amy and his feelings about Cas's betrayal though.

SAM: Don't pull that card! That's bull. Look, if I've learned one thing, it's that if something feels wrong, it probably is! DEAN: Usually, yeah. But killing Amy was not wrong. You couldn't do it, so I did. That's what family does – the dirty work. And I woulda told you, eventually, once I knew that this whole "waving a gun at Satan" thing was a one-time show. I think it's reasonable to want to know that you're off the friggin' high dive, Sam. You almost got us both killed, so you can be pissed all you want, but quit being a bitch.

God DAMN! That bit about family is going to come back and bite Dean in the ass in a HUGE way, but Dean's sorting through his feelings about what went down with Amy, and he's taking a stand: 1) Lying to Sam/going behind his back was wrong 2) Sam has every right to be mad at him, but if they're going to work, they need to work professionally and efficiently—Sam can't just bulldoze. 3) Killing Amy in of itself wasn't wrong. She murdered four people with no remorse, and the kind of favoritism Sam showed her was dangerous.

Dean's also snapping back on the trust aspect of this that's very much in play, because Amy herself isn't necessarily even what Sam's most mad about. He's mad that Dean didn't trust him and went behind his back. This is a little eye-brow-raising anyway because Sam very much went behind Dean's back first, but add that Sam left Dean alone and defenseless while he laid up with a broken leg while creatures from another dimension were hunting them, and refused to answer the phone with the context that he'd been actively hallucinating so badly that he almost murdered Dean and killed himself. It doesn't justify Dean lying to him, but it puts Dean's stress and his decision to lie in context, together with Dean's rejection of Sam showing Amy favoritism.

I said this is Dean communicating, and he really is communicating a lot of new information about his state of mind when you look at this from Sam's POV. Sam has been worried about Dean for weeks, and Dean's been refusing to talk about anything that might be bothering him. Now Dean's unleashed a lot of pent up thoughts and perspective, while still validating Sam's right to be angry that Dean lied. And it actually softens Sam's perspetive toward Dean, along with the case they're working about two sisters that softens Sam further, along with the obvious enjoyment he gets out of working with his brother. So when Dean goes out to his car at the end of the episode:

DEAN: Hey. SAM: Hey. DEAN: That's your stuff. SAM: Yeah. Yeah. I figured we'd take one car. DEAN: Works for me. You still want to break my face? SAM smiles. SAM: No. Uh, not at this moment.

Sam's actually satisfied enough with Dean communicating, even if it happens within an argument where they have a moral disagreement! In fact, Sam is able to see exactly where Dean is coming from morally and meet him in a middle ground where they at least agree that it isn't actually as black and white as Sam wanted it to be.

SAM: Look, you know what? Um... You were right. About Amy. If she was... just any monster, I'm not sure I could have let her walk away. I don't know. I mean, I'll never know. DEAN: So, what are you saying? SAM: What I'm saying is... I get why you did it. You were just trying to make sure no one else got hurt.

The thing that's still eating at Sam, is that Dean hasn't been fully honest with him yet about what exactly is going on with him. Sam has observed Dean's terrible mental state the last several weeks with increasing concern, and he's already focused in on this idea of "If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong".

SAM: But here's the thing. You can't just look me in the face and tell me you're fine. I mean, you're not sleeping, you drink for the record— DEAN: Oh, here we go. SAM: Look, whatever. Last one to preach, I know. But... Just be honest with me. How are those the actions of someone who knows they did the right thing?

If Dean's mental state is a result of guilt over what he did to Amy, that means he isn't being honest with Sam or himself about where he went wrong. If Dean only feels guilty about lying to Sam, that's fair enough—Sam gets his moral point of view as far as Amy. But if Dean actually thinks killing her was wrong, he needs to own up to it. The other possibility is that something else is eating at Dean that he hasn't fully communicated, and Sam wants to know what that is. They do dangerous work, and Sam needs to know what Dean's mental state actually is just as much as Dean needs Sam to be open about his own.

DEAN: You want me to be honest? SAM: Yeah. DEAN: I went with my gut. And that felt right. I didn't trust her, Sam. Of course, ever since Cas, I'm having a hard time trusting anybody. And as far as how I been acting... I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause I don't like lying to you. You know, it doesn't feel right. So, yeah, you got me there. I been climbing the walls.

Dean's further communication here does two things for Sam: 1) It's going to really relieve the part of Sam that's upset about the idea that Dean just didn't trust him, because Dean says lying to Sam felt so wrong that twisted him up in knots for weeks. That's far off from Sam's concerns of having an older brother who simply doesn't believe he can do the job or make the right decisions. Dean's guilt is felt so deeply because he sees Sam as a trusted partner deserving of his honesty, and believed it was wrong and unfair to lie to him. 2) Dean further communicates why he is struggling emotionally which leaves Sam feeling like he's in a better position to understand him and support him. It also communicates further trust and cultivates a mutually supportive relationship where Sam doesn't just feel like the crazy guy Dean is going to have a heart attack thinking about supporting, but feels like he can support Dean too.

And then right after that they're both joking around. Crazy what communication over your brother murdering your murderous ex who kills drug addicts and feeds their brains to her child can do.

[thecountesstribe]

HOTD Ep 2x7 Spoilers and review.

So this was one of my favorite episodes this season and also one of the coolest imo.

Seasmoke being protective of Addam and looking proud he terrorized Addam into being his rider was too funny. I love that dragon 😂. Come through Addam the Loyal, all Rhaenyra had to say was she's queen and he immediately acknowledged her and bent the knee, I loved that. He's really about to become my other favorite boy.

Corlys being shook and acting like he doesn't know Addam, like sir if you don't tell the truth already. He's never gonna beat the deadbeat allegations. Although when he told him “Well done” I did whoop a little. I would've kicked his ass had I been Addam though.

Oscar Tully! That's it. That's the fuckin post. He gagged Daemon and stood on business. I love to see young kids bullying arrogant adults, he reminded me of the OG lil boss Lyanna Mormont. That's my lil nephew now.

Daemon didn't take the crown. We saw him hallucinating again, this time with the sick version of Viserys and Viserys holding the crown which he didn't take. I mean anybody with a brain could summarize that he never wanted the crown, we didn't need to spend so much time in his delusions in Harrenhal to tell us that. We certainly didn't need a scene of him feasting on his mom to tell us that, yuck. For all his faults he really was about his family. He went about it the wrong way but that's Daemon for you. His stupid self destructive ass.

We had an unnecessary scene of Alicent running about the woods after leaving King's Landing. Chile anyways. Larys is totally protecting Aegon now and he's essentially crippled atp. I fear for Baela's storyline.

Rhaena is looking for Sheepstealer. Her and Jeyne are still tussling but they waited until the final 2 episodes to give her something, Baela had no lines besides looking pretty and staring at Jace. I fuckin hate it here. Could we bully HBO AND THE WRITERS SOME MORE. WTF!!

Vermithor and SilverWing looked so cool. What did that old bum feed Vermithor though? He's big asf. SilverWing just might be the coolest looking dragon. I can't rank them anymore cause I like them all 😭. Literally my favorite thing about the episode. Like the directors cooked. The dragons are funny asf 😂😭😭😭. There were a lot of parentage reveals, I don't believe for a second Saera sired that ugly man but anyways. RhaeRhae led those people to their deaths. Rhaenyra deadass gave this big ass pep talk, she reminded me of Erwin before he led the scouts out on what would be their suicide mission except she didn't stay to see the outcome or participate in it. Vermithor saw an opportunity for a buffet and took it, Hugh claimed him. Fuckin cinema. Still gonna hate his bitchass but I can't lie that was badass. SilverWing was bullying Ulf. Why do people I hate always win sometimes?! Ulf literally failed upwards. Can't be mad at it. I mean if I was a dragon I would've done the same shit. How dare mediocre specimens come before me who is essentially the next best thing after the Gods!

We got Rhaenyra speaking High Valyrian. She had her dragon squad quit on her though and gave her a warning (foreshadowing). Her also being able to calm Vermithor, that's the Dragon Queen of her era y'all. We saw a little movement with her and her protective spoiled cat Syrax too 😍.

Not people hating on Jace now. Listen that argument has been brewing since season 1. He just finally let it out of his brooding body. I don't think many people understand the implications that argument meant. He sounded classist and maybe he was, highly doubt he is but he's being realistic and in the future he was proven right (unless they scrap the book canon). Rhaenyra paralleled Viserys in that entire scene. She really is her father's child in some ways. She did to Jace what Viserys essentially did to her. The one thing that could've upheld his ascension to the throne was him having a dragon and she essentially gave a free pass to anybody to do the same, the same thing was done to Rhaenyra when Viserys decided to marry Alicent and sire more children when he knew damn well that if he had a son, her claim to the throne would've been compromised. Jace knows he's a “bastard”, a legitimate one but a “bastard” ntl (I'm not calling him a bastard in a derogatory sense either, he isn't. Laenor claimed them as his sons and that's the end of it to me) , it shouldn't matter considering the throne is not passing from his father's side but his mother's. Sure his last name would've changed the minute he was named heir and ascended as stated by Viserys but what weight does that hold now? They briefly touched on it when he spoke to Baela about his fathers but he had always been insecure about his parentage. No he didn't call his mother a whore, he's been fighting that battle all his life, she just made it worse. In the dire situation they're in, the sacrifice had to be made but I could understand why he's angry and hurt over it again. She literally just made him illegitimate in the eyes of the realm. His anger is valid. Was his tone harsh yes, try dealing with the whispers and the jeers and everything else for the past 16 years of your entire life and seeing the same proof of what everybody else sees everyday and tell me that you wouldn't hold some kind of resentment towards it. I liked how Rhaenyra was patient with him though, just wished it wasn't as rushed as the scene felt.

The last shot of the episode was fuckin brilliant. Aemond turning his bitchass around knowing he can't handle that kinda pressure. Also Vhagar and Aemond's bond may not be as strong as it should be. She clearly does not listen to him sometimes. He's still responsible for Lucerys death IDC what y'all got to say. The episode got a 4/5 stars from me just for the dragons. I'm here for Jace, Baela, Addam and the Dragons!

Until next week guys for the finale. We're going to see Tessarion and Sheepstealer next week. I'm so excited.

[my-supernatural-rewatch]

Episode 11: Scarecrow

Dean Winchester in the Supernatural episode Scarecrow

I really like this episode. Nice and creepy. It's also the first one after the pilot that I remember watching first time around and thinking "okay, I could watch this show..."

Dean goes to Indiana at the behest of John to investigate missing couples while Sam tries to make his way to California to find John and, hopefully the thing that killed his mother and Jessica.

(AKA: Sam pitches a hissy fit, takes off, and leaves Dean alone to battle a haunted scarecrow.)

When the couple the town has sacrificed to the tree god thing dressed as a scarecrow first come across the scarecrow, the dude jokes "If I only had a brain" and his girlfriend doesn't miss a beat with the funnier line, "We wouldn't be lost."

Well, at least you got a good one-liner in before the scarecrow ate you.

So after they get got, we're back to the end of the last episode with Sam and Dean sleeping in a motel room and Sam taking a call that turns out to be John.

And we have a Jeffrey Dean Morgan sighting.

John tells Sam how sorry he is about Jessica (which means, yeah, he got Dean's messages) and how he didn't want that for Sam. But he also pulls attitude, telling Sam he knows who killed Mary and Jess but refusing to tell him anything except that it's a demon.

Sam starts the conversation not by saying "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN" but by asking John if he's hurt. When John tells him he's fine, I was hoping Sam would go off on him...but he doesn't. Not really.

Dean awakens to Sam talking on the phone and for some reason he's shirtless. (I only say 'for some reason' because as we all know in pretty much every other episode in which Dean sleeps, he's always fully clothed because the CW hates us.)

Fine, here you go.

Back to what John said about Jess:

"I would have done anything to protect you from that."

Except, you know, show up. Not fucking disappear and make my sons think I was dead. You know, anything but those things that might have actually saved her fucking life.

But I digress.

Dean starts bugging Sam to give him the phone, but Sam won't. John tells Sam they need to stop looking for him...and gives him an order: "Stop following me and do your job."

Sam isn't happy, Dean grabs the phone away from him and immediately goes into good son mode. John says something to him that we don't hear and Dean's reaction is to sit up straight (after he put on his shirt) and say "Yes, sir."

We don't get to see if Sam and Dean fight in the motel room. We just cut to them in the car...with Sam driving and Dean reading off the points of the case. He's impressed with the work John put into it and exclaims to Sam, "Man's a master."

This sets Sam right the fuck off.

And you know what? I don't blame him.

He literally stops the car, gets out and starts pulling his shit out of the car.

He wants to head to California where he has deduced John is based on where he called from. (Also, John was in California when he bailed on Dean. Dude went from Cali to Kansas back to Cali just to fuck with his kids? What the fuck?)

Dean doesn't want to go to California because John has given them an order and he thinks it's important.

Here's the exchange because, like Dean, I think it's important:

Dean: Dad doesn’t want our help.

Sam: I don’t care.

Dean: He’s given us an order.

Sam: I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says.

Dean: Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives, it’s important.

Sam: Alright, I understand, believe me, I understand. But I’m talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge.

Dean: Alright, look, I know how you feel.

Sam: (SO Pissy!) Do you? (Dean is taken aback at the attitude) How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel?

THAT DEAN IGNORES WHAT A DICK THING THIS WAS FOR SAM TO SAY IS A CREDIT TO HIM - I WOULD HAVE CLOCKED HIM

Dean: Dad said it wasn’t safe. For any of us. I mean, he obviously knows something that we don’t, so if he says to stay away, we stay away.

Sam: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.

Dean: Yeah, it’s called being a good son! You’re a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don’t care what anybody thinks.

Sam: That’s what you really think?

Dean: Yes, it is.

Sam: Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California

Fucking go then...is kind of what Dean says except he really doesn't want Sam to go but Sam is pissy enough that Dean just says "I will leave your ass" thinking Sam will change his mind. When he doesn't all Dean can say is "Goodbye, Sam."

UGH. I mean I know how this one ends but, Christ, I want to punch Sam at this point.

Also, it bothers me, as I think I've mentioned, that Dean thinks being a good son means blindly following whatever John tells him to do. It's gonna take fourteen years for him to get past this...(See one of my least favorite episodes: Lebanon.)

Is this the only episode we get a good look at Dean and Sam's phones? Because for some reason we get to see the contacts on both their phones and of course I had to write down the names.

Dean's flip phone - the names are alpahbetical:

Bren (mobile)

Carmelita (mobile)

Christian (DC)

Curtis (mobile)

Dad (mobile)

Donny (mobile)

Robin (mobile)

Sam (mobile)

Sam's Blackberry (how'd he afford a Blackberry? And why aren't his contacts alphabetical?) Also, it absolutely fits their personality that Dean doesn't use last names but Sam does.

Rebecca Warren (mobile) - College friend from Skin

Jerry (pager)

John Marcynuk (home) - Production Designer on SPN

Dean (mobile)

Mary Ann Liu (home) - Production Designer on SPN

How come the college kid with more friends than Dean has fewer contacts? (and how come John's number isn't on there?)

Anyhow...this has gone long and Dean hasn't even gotten to the town yet and Sam hasn't met Meg.

When he DOES get to the town Dean almost calls Sam (which is why we see his contacts) and then changes his mind.

The first guy he greets is Scotty and when Scotty doesn't succumb to his charms he tells him he has "...a smile that lights up a room."

And many people like to point to this as a tiny bit of "Dean is bi" proof but for me it's just Dean being sarcastic because Scotty is being kind of a dick to Dean.

Back to my obsession about where they store their clothes. When Sam took off he had a duffel that could barely hold one outfit, never mind as much clothes as he seems to have. And when the EMF reader goes off in the car and Dean reaches back to get it out of his duffel, we see some clothes...but NOT John's leather jacket...and Dean isn't wearing the jacket...so where the fuck is it?

Also, this episode stands as a good reminder for the first season that prior to his visit to Stanford, Dean was doing this on his own occasionally. He was fine going to this place and doing the work. Until he tried to talk the new sacrificial couple to get out of town. He laments Sam not being there to warn them:

"...my brother could give you this puppy dog look, and you’d just buy right into it."

This caused many fans to hold on to the fallacy that Sam was the empathetic one and Dean was the cold one which, as we know, is not at all the case.

I guess I have to mention Sam. He meets Meg in a hitchhiking meet-cute and she ditches him for a ride. Then they meet again at a bus station where they're both going to California and have to wait overnight for a bus. They bond over how shitty their families are - and now you're caught up with Sam.

So the dumbasses who wouldn't listen to Dean almost die but they don't because Dean of course saves them. But seeing the scarecrow and getting that close to it apparently freaks him out so much that he bites the bullet and calls Sam to talk about it.

Without Sam, Dean figured out it was a pagan god. Sam tells him if he wants Sam's help to ask and stop hinting...and Dean tells him he isn't hinting at anything.

Dean tries to apologize but doesn't say the words...but Sam knows what he's saying and apologizes to him as well. Then Dean surprises Sam by saying:

"You were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life."

Okay, let me play out the whole scene here because it's actually really sweet.

Dean: Sam. You were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life.

Sam: Are you serious?

Dean: You’ve always known what you want. And you go after it. You stand up to Dad. And you always have. Hell, I wish I…anyway....I admire that about you. I’m proud of you, Sammy.

Sam: I don’t even know what to say.

Dean: Say you’ll take care of yourself.

Sam: I will.

Dean: Call me when you find Dad.

Sam: (seemingly genuinely sad) OK. Bye, Dean.

They both hang up and Meg approaches Sam.

Meg: Who was that?

Sam: My brother.

Meg: What’d he say?

Sam: Goodbye.

And that's the end of the series.

No, we know that isn't true.

Dean goes to talk to someone about pagan gods and ends up with the butt of a shotgun to the face because every fucking person in town is in on this bullshit.

Meanwhile, when Sam can't reach Dean for three hours he decides he has to bail on California (and Meg) and go back to Dean. Meg is pissed but Sam gives no fucks.

"He's my family."

No shit, Sherlock.

Anyhow...the townsfolk need new sacrifices for the tree god who keeps the town alive while the towns around it are dying and guess who gets volunteered? Dean and the only person in town who didn't know about the tree god thing, the niece of one of the local couples.

The uncle seems hesitant to feed his niece to the god but the aunt is all LFG!!!! Throwing a snarky "The good of the many outweighs the good of the one" to her as she locks her up with Dean. Thanks, Mr. Spock.

Dean's possible last words being "Hope your apple pie is freaking worth it!" was one of the better lines of the episode. One brief moment of humor before getting eaten by a tree god.

When Sam shows up to save the day, though, we get another good one from Dean, "I take everything back I said. I'm so happy to see you!"

We find out that Sam is embracing his Winchester bad boy side because in order to get to Dean quickly...he stole a car.

Eliciting a "That's my boy!" from Dean.

So the aunt and uncle end up getting it from the tree god and the next day Sam, Dean, and the niece track down the tree and set it on fire with a can of gasoline and a Zippo. Then the brothers put the girl on a bus to Boston and watch her peace out.

When she's gone, Sam tells Dean he's sticking around.

"I still wanna find Dad. And you’re still a pain in the ass. But, Jess and Mom, they’re both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me. We’re all that’s left. So, if we’re gonna see this through, we’re gonna do it together."

Dean, of course, can't just let this earnest moment be and has to be a smart ass and responds, "Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful."

Someday, Dean. Someday they'll let you be you.

But it isn't over! We see Meg in a truck, having hitchhiked again. She gets the driver to pull over, tells him she has to make a call and when he offers his phone she stabs him in the neck and pours his blood into a goblet. (When do all the demons get cell phones? Was that a program Crowley implemented?)

Fuck, she's a demon. And here we go.

One interesting note about Meg's "call." The person she calls (who we will later find out is Yellow Eyes/Azazel) she refers to as father. And she complains that he didn't let her just kill Sam and Dean. We don't know what the response is, but we know she replies back "Yes, Father" like the dutiful daughter.

Just like Dean and John.

Some notes for posterity:

Significant music in this episode: We get some Creedence Clearwater Revival with Lodi and Bad Company's Bad Company. (In a really great use of the song...when we find out Meg is a demon!)

Dean tells Scotty, the first dude he meets in town, that his name is John Bonham and immediately Scotty responds, "Isn’t that the drummer for Led Zeppelin?" Early on folks weren't as gullible as they became.

This is the first time we see Meg. I love Meg. I love her when she's bad, I love her when she's not bad, I love her when she's Rachel Miner and I especially love her when she's Nicki Aycox.

Movie References: At the beginning of the episode one of the doomed couple jokes "If I only had a brain" when he sees the scarecrow. Obvious Wizard of Oz reference. Near the end of the episode the creepy aunt who ends up eating it says, "The good of the many outweighs the good of the one" which is a mangled version of the quote from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Our Dean does get ONE reference in..."Let's just shag ass before Leatherface catches up" a reference to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

This hunt takes place in Burkitsville, Indiana...a town that doesn't exist but could be another reference: The Blair Witch Project took place in Burkittsville, Maryland.

Recognizable Guest Stars: William B. Davis! The Goddman Cigarette Smoking Man! Plus, the late, great, fucking perfect Meg: Nicki Aycox. (Oh yeah, we get Jeffrey Dean Morgan for a minute too.)

A lighter is used to burn the tree that kills the god

Sam drives the Impala while Dean is relaying the information John put together about the case. Sam then stops the car, gets out, and hitchhikes his ass away from Dean during a hissy fit.

This is the first time I recall Dean talking about pie...

[xplrvibes]

omg when colby goes under the estes method… perfection. best results every time… i wonder whyyy guyyyssss 👀

ok i need to rewatch those episodes bc i wanna hear what they say about it even if it is just in passing, i wanna sus the tones lol

they do balance each other so well thats why it works. colby coming from a religious side and sam from an agnostic (i hope im not mislabeling sam there, im just going off a few things ive heard him mention and then also he only seems to go along with any religious angle - like praying - when colby instigates it)

SUDDNLY JUST REMEMBERED omg remember when rhey went to that satanic cave tunnel thing in the uk and niki was doing the estes and the spirit responded to colby with “you’re sick” and this was right before chemo?? Omggg bruh idk why that just came to me but my brain just exploded

- aussie anon

I haven't watched either in a while, so maybe I'm wildly misrepresenting these in my tiny, fried little brain but the numerology discussion during the Winchester one is (if you believe in Numerology of course) very interesting.

Also, the Bowers one makes me laugh cause I think it's the ONE TIME Colby was just being smart and logical rather than psychic or empathic - which, of course, means it's the one time they actually try to tie something he does back to any kind of intuition. 🤣

I know they've touched on it in other episodes but those two are the ones that jump out to me.

Oh, also! If you haven't already and want a good time, watch the Mizpah Hotel video. That's another good one for both "Colby may be an empath" and "Colby is a magnet that is absolutely hypnotizing everything living and dead" content.

Oh and the Hell Fire Caves - what's funny (not funny haha) about that "you're sick" comment is that Niki teacted to that video on a livestream and mentioned that everyone in that cave at that moment immediately knew that line was directed at Colby, because that was filmed in between surgery and chemo. They kind of downplayed it in the video, I think, but it seemed even in real time they all felt that one and how on the nose it was.

[nochi-quinn]

legend of vox machina season 2 episode 12: The Hope Devourer OR LAIR ACTIONS

my partner went "he's dreaming" literally immediately

I can't figure out what that is on the mantle. brain says probably a dildo of some kind, given that that's anal beads and a flogger hanging over the wood hopper

the painting from brimscythe's lair, lute, more sex toys, dragon tooth?

the painting of them that makes me cry despite vax looking Like That

the troll dick is also on the mantle

not sure whose helmet that is in the case tho

a painting of the keep :(

I can't figure out if that purple book on the shelf is supposed to be anything

me: why tf is there a cameo of a cha - CHAIR

three guesses whose children these are

both the characters and the actors

is that the damn reward poster that led them to fighting umbrasyl in the first place

not fucking kraghammer

okay given that they said the runes they've used other places translated into real language, what are the odds this book actually says something

also is that keyleth's ring she got from kerrek or

it's me, I am the person that one animaniacs skit was talking about

that morph from kaylie to vax was actually really smooth tho, props

"we need a skyship to catch them" percy just really wants a skyship

not the tail slap

stop shittalking the dragon in midair

okay but How tho

heheh, ass-id

grog whaling on umbrasyl like a piñata, if he hits it enough his friends fall out

grog crater 3.0

and now he REALLY doesn't have any bones

studiously looks at notepad so I don't have to look at broken bone

this episode just hits all my major squicks, it's Great :)

that sound effect was 100% unnecessary

I don't know why I love vax's "oh no" so much but here we are

it's the raven from the intro!

WINGS

and now vax can fly 400 miles an hour and throw 67 daggers at once

keyleth: you're so beautiful vex: you get fucking WINGS what the FUCK

I love the little scuff marks on Bad News' scope

"there's no such thing as luck" oh? oh mr. vax "almost got the Lucky feat banned from matt mercer's table forever" ildan?? is that so???

mr. "gave sam reigel shit for not using the halfling feat to reroll natural 1s for two entire campaigns"??? no such thing???

"yup, we're dead"

"we're hurt but so is umbrasyl" smash cut to umbrasyl healing himself

did you just hang up on thordak

"another ominous mountain lair" that's okay it's your favored terrain

[keyleth] flirting: I don't want you to die

as everything from the past 48 hours clicks into place for pike

the Kamaljiori head was a low fucking blow

(little sad we didn't get more about Scanlan and Kam. mb next season)

if I had a nickel for every time Vax went ahead and got caught by an enemy he didn't expect to be in the room and couldn't get past them to escape despite having a perceived physical advantage, I'd only have two nickels but it's weird that it happened twice

HEY you're only supposed to be able to use those once a day

I! Love! the colors! in this lair!

I already love greens and teals so that kind of gradient on the acid effects is targeted at me specifically

"YEP still broken"

the way I broke in half when someone pointed out RQ broke the connection between the twins

"we're splitting the party?" again?

"drop him" drop it, drooooop iiiiit

THE EAR TWITCH such a weird thing to be my favorite trope but here we are

if I had a nickel for every time a powerful enemy used one of vex's siblings as a shield -

I just love the delivery on percy's "get us the FUCK out of here"

vax about 45 minutes late with that "chenga"

"she doesn't control my destiny!" "no, you do" no fate only wyrd

I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH

LAIR ACTIONS

grog has just been Through It these past couple-few days huh

me having to defend scanlan's character arc to my roommate bc she was actively getting bored with Canonically A Coward Scanlan

umbrasyl that is CHEATING

I think if vax says "fate" one more time I'm gonna just leave the room

the way umbrasyl froze at scanlan's voice, chef's kiss

I fucking love the harmonizing with the sword

(another reason umbrasyl probably wouldn't have been able to wield it properly) (besides not having thumbs)

I was almost convinced we were moving up Bard's Lament

"your daughter would have been proud" rest of party: his what now

(I know she was whispering, it's just hilarious to think that's how they found out, like the fucking destiel meme)

"you're ALIVE, motherfucker?!"

mansion time, MANSION TIME

we all precipitated!

if you're not part of the solution etc etc science joke

"and I believe in you" mala: that's just sam and liam

wilhand's new lockeeeeeet

someone pointed out the ptsd percy must have had during this whole scene

an enemy infiltrating his home, his friends and family collapsing in front of him…leave this boy alone

vax I don't know why you thought that'd work

"mind your manners" hehehehehe

see, it WAS sleeping gas

so yennen's been dead at LEAST since they came through from the keep, right

I still cannot hear liam in vorugal and it's driving me nuts. I know it's got all the reverb and shit on it, and he's also fucking gollum so it's not like he's always 100% recognizable, but also I have a reputation to uphold

thordak: I got kids I need this job

LOVE ending on the cracking noise, so fucking good

[shakes internet until season 3 falls out]

[john-bitchester]

Bubs watches Supernatural. 06×08 all dogs go to heaven

I love that Sam‽ not sleeping implies that it is the soul that needs sleep, not the brain

[That bobby singer? Give him a kiss from me.]

Im sorry its straight up canon at this point

Daddy and papa are married

Canon

Wedlocked

Its fucking fact

Why would they need to bring the werewolf they captured to bobby?? /j

[You bag the howler, bring it home papa.]

No actually, I need to talk about this

[I still think about Suzie Heizer. - Biology class Suzie Heizer?]

Sammy went through dozens of schools, traveling, hunting. And yet. And yet Dean not only recognises the name, but immediately calls 'she had biology with you'

Now when talking about a person, there is not a real need to say 'oh I met this girl in biology class and shes awesome, we really klicked'!

That sentence works fine without specifying the class too

So dad!Dean took an active effort to know about Sams schoollife, over and over and over again

Every new class, he would know the students sam talked of often

And I know that speaking of people a lot will make remember them after a while. But if they then don't get talked about anymore? They get forgotten too

And yet Dean knew, immediately, she was from bio.

Dean winchester you are not telling me you slept an entired full nights sleep on top of the covers, fully dressed IN JEANS

Your feet and crotch need some time to breathe man

[Let me get dressed, RoboCop.]

WDYM DEAN YOU ALREADY ARE FULLY DRESSED YOU FREAK

I know he means into an FBI suit

BUT BE SO FR RN

Someone get my man some joggins, he'd fucking love those

Ah yes. Putting a loaded gun in our trousers

How has it already been 40 minutes and I am only 10 minutes into the episode

Why is this woman giving off 'I get abused' vibes

Theory: its actually the shy, unnasuming wife they need, not the loud mouthed party husband

[Before we hand him over to a lifetime of demon rape?]

Makes one wonder if Dean got raped in hell

He doesnt say a lifetime of demon torture

No he specifically says rape

[Let's head back. We can re-attack this in a couple hours.]

Dean why didnt you just sleep and let Sam‽ watch em. He literally dont need sleep

Unless you don't trust him to be smart abt it

LUCKY DA DAWG IS THE WEREFOLF ALPHA

What in the teenwolf fanfic

Okay I sill give it to Sam

'Go to hell' - 'already been, wasn’t my thing'

Is a fucking power move

Sniper!Dean is very fucking hot

Point in case

[cjsinkythoughts]

Right From Left

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3085

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo being a punk, Bucky getting a little scary, some feelings, Sam being his fantastic, amazing, caring for everyone self

A/N: Here it is! At long last! I’ve been waiting for this episode and it was…holy fuck. I barely have words. And I can’t start or else I’ll be ranting for pages. Anyways, I know this Part is a little on the shorter side - not by much, but it still is - and it doesn’t even cover half the episode, but I’ve had a long day and I’m tired, so I’m going to sleep. I wanted to stop before Walker entered the picture too, because then I’m just gonna get more riled up and I’m working later. I’ll probably have another part out today, and then I’ll finish it tomorrow. Unless I can finish it today. I’ll try, but no promises.

Feel free to rant to me about the episode or the show, too, guys! My friends and I have been going back and forth about it for the past few hours. I’d love to hear your thoughts! I think that’s all for now.

As always, this isn’t beta’d so please excuse any mistakes! Thank you for reading, be kind to yourself and others, enjoy this part and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

!SPOILERS BELOW CUT!

You were avoiding him.

When you first got to Latvia, he had pulled you aside, eyes wide and pleading. “Doll, listen-”

“I really don’t think right now is the time to have the discussion we’re about to have.” Shaking your head, you avoided his gaze, your stomach twisting into knots. It was too much for you to handle; you couldn’t focus on the mission at hand and try to unravel the emotions that were making your gut flip like a gymnast. There were too many thoughts in your head, and you needed a clear mind.

“But-”

“Once this is all done, and our lives aren’t in danger. Once we’re back home, then we can talk, okay? Just…please. Not here. Not now.”

And he dropped it. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk about it. You just couldn’t. You had always been a ‘leave your baggage at the door’ type of person. Don’t mix work with personal. Not like you had much “personal” anyways when you first decided that was how it should be. And then your coworkers became family and your motto got a lot harder to follow. But you still followed it. And you would continue to follow it.

But that made you start avoiding him. Whether you meant to or not, everyone noticed, but no one said anything. Sam shot you a look when you didn’t offer to go with Bucky when he had to check something out. Zemo raised an eyebrow when he came back and, instead of immediately questioning him, you sat still on the couch, eyes glancing up briefly, before going back to playing with the strings of your hoodie.

You were paying attention to their conversation, especially when Karli Morgenthau was brought up, you just didn’t join in. Not even when Zemo mentioned the Avengers, eyeing you to see your reaction.

Honestly, you were tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Your shoulder hurt, your brain couldn’t process what the guys were talking about, and your heart couldn’t take any more hits.

It was something you’d been thinking about…you just thought it’d come after this mission.

“She will not stop. She will escalate until you kill her…or she kills you.”

“Maybe you’re wrong Zemo. The Serum never corrupted Steve.”

For the first time since he first walked in, your eyes met Bucky’s. “Touche.” Zemo pointed at Bucky with a pastry around his finger. “But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?”

But you couldn’t wait until after this mission. Not when he was so connected to it. “I think I’m gonna go home.” You blurted out before Zemo and Bucky could argue further, Bucky slumping down onto the opposite side of the couch.

The moment the words left your lips, Sam and Bucky shot up, staring at you in disbelief.

“Wait, hold up. What? Now? We’re so close-”

“Why? Is it your arm? Is it hurting? You should’ve told us-”

“I’m just tired.” You cut in, shaking your head. “That’s all. I didn’t expect this to be drawn out this long when you called, Sammy.”

Bucky’s hand twitched as he hesitatingly scooted closer to you. “Doll, if this is because what happened on the jet-”

“It’s not, Buck.” You tried to give him a convincing smile, but you knew by the look in his eyes that he didn’t buy it for one second. You reached over to squeeze his hand, and when you pulled back, he held on tighter, a sigh escaping his lips as he stared down at your linked hands.

“Okay…if you wanna go home, we can get you home. Just…” His head turned back to you, a pleading pout on his features. “Just…stay. Another day. Please. You can keep avoiding me, I won’t even say another word to you if you don’t want. But stay. Just for one more day.”

Chewing on your cheek, you finally nodded slightly. “Okay. One more day.”

His eyes lit up, before his face fell again when you took your hand back and curled into the corner of the couch. “Let’s talk shop, boys.”

“Okay. So, from my understanding, Donya is like a pillar of the community, right?” Sam easily changed the topic back to the situation at hand, giving you a reassuring wink when you smiled at him gratefully. “So when I was a kid, my Tee Tee passed away.”

Bucky screwed his face up in confusion, straightening his head from where he had it leaned back. “Your - your Tee Tee?”

Sam gave him a look. “Yeah. My-my Tee Tee, yeah.”

Bucky looked at him weirdly. “Who is your Tee Tee?”

The exchange made you giggle a little bit, shaking your head. “Bucky’s a city boy from the 40’s, remember, Sammy?”

“Fine.” Sam rolled his eyes. “When I was a kid my aunt passed away.”

Bucky gave a slight huff, making you chuckle again. You stopped when he smiled over at you, but your grin didn’t leave your face. Even when they were the ones to give you a headache, your fellas were damn entertaining, that’s for sure.

With a sort-of plan in place - the gathering for Donya being no more than a theory, but the only idea you really had - you stretched out from your spot on the couch, twisting to crack your back. “Zemo.” The man stopped his rummaging through the cabinets and looked over his shoulder at you, an eyebrow raised. “Go put some clothes on. We’ve got work to do.”

He gave you an unimpressed look, opening his mouth, but Sam beat him to the punch. “Do as the lady says, man. You’re already walking on a tightrope after you shot Nagel!” Zemo waved dismissively at Sam’s exclamation, heading into a separate room to change out of his robe. “That guy is gonna drive me up the wall.”

“Don’t let him get to that pretty head of yours, Sammy.” You hummed, standing up, wincing slightly as you stretched your sore shoulder over your head.

You could tell Bucky wanted to say something, the way he snapped forwards, hands moving down his thigh like he was leaning over to reach for you, his eyes locked on your injured joint, but, just as he said earlier, he didn’t say a word. But the part that made you upset was…you didn’t stop him. You didn’t tell him it was okay for him to talk to you. You didn’t reassure him that you weren’t purposely trying to avoid him. You simply moved over to the kitchen to get something to drink.

It hurt worse than your shoulder, but you couldn’t handle it. Not then. Not with such an important part of the mission coming up. So you didn’t say anything. You just sipped your water, switching into tactic mode as your mind ran through the scenarios of what could possibly go down in the next 24 hours before you went home.

*************************

Walking under the arch, you couldn’t help but feel saddened as Zemo told you about what the courtyard used to look like. Thanos messed the world up so much more than you realized and, as much as you hated to admit it, the Avengers did have a part in it. Not that they - you - were in the wrong, necessarily. You truly believed you did what anyone in that situation, with the skills and abilities and knowledge the team had, would do what you did. Or tried to do.

“I’m gonna take a look around upstairs.” Sam stated, looking up at the upper stories of the building, before glancing at Bucky. “See what you can find out here. And keep an eye on him.”

“I’ll come with you.” You said, turning on your heel to follow Sam. The back of Bucky’s gloved hand brushed against yours, and instinctually you turned your palm to link your fingers and squeezing. You let go quickly once you realized what you were doing, nearly tripping up the stairs to get to Sam, not daring to wait for Bucky’s reaction.

“You’re an idiot.” He stated simply as soon as you met him at the top of the stairs.

“Can we focus on finding Donya right now, please?” You grumbled, moving forwards cautiously, peeking around the corner. You frowned when you saw two guys at the end of the hallway, looking back at you and Sam warily.

“You need to hear what he has to say, cher.”

You sighed, rubbing your forehead. “I know I do. I know. But I can’t. Not right now. I’m just trying to get this over with first. I don’t want too many things on my plate. I might choke.” It already felt like you were drowning most nights.

He paused at your words, giving you a once over, before nodding. “Okay. I can respect that.”

“Thank you.” You told him earnestly. “Now let’s try to get something from these people.”

He nodded in agreement and you two continued forwards with your search. Room after room, people walked out before you could get anything from them, locking doors behind them. The Flag Smashers logo was everywhere, but you expected nothing less from a refugee camp that practically worshipped what they were doing.

Even when you did get a guy to talk to you, he immediately shut you down, leaving you and Sam dejected. The fact that the world had gotten so bad that these people couldn’t trust you and Sam - Avengers; people who used to be heroes and bring hope to others - it made your heart sink.

“C’mon, Y/N.”

“Are we wrong?”

He froze at your question, his lips pressing together. “About what, exactly?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…I guess I can’t tell right from left anymore. I always assumed that the Avengers were the good guys. That the actions we’ve taken in the past were us making the world a better place, but…Sokovia and Ultron. Germany and the whole civil war thing we had going on. The entire world and Thanos. We don’t truly ever win. Do we?”

“I can’t answer that for you.” Sam shook his head. “I can’t tell you what to believe or who to believe in. But I can tell you that we’ve made a difference. Steve, Nat, Tony…they made a difference.”

“But was it a good difference? Was it a change? There’s a difference between changing the world and just making it different, Sam.”

He blinked at you, nodding slowly. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. And I don’t have that answer for you either. But they tried. They did what they thought was right. No matter if it was or not. And isn’t that all we can do? Try?”

His words made you think back to the conversation you had with Bucky once he learned about John Walker, which seemed so long ago. When you told him it wasn’t Sam’s fault. That he was just trying. That he did what he thought was right. 

And maybe he was wrong. But he made a decision. It was his decision. To do the right thing. And right then, not for the first time, you could see exactly what Steve saw in the man in front of you.

“You’re a good man, Sam.”

Sam grinned, slinging an arm around your shoulders and squeezing. “And you’re an incredible person, Y/N. Let’s go see if Bucky and the Baron got anything.”

You snickered at his mocking tone towards Zemo and nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

*****************************

You didn’t like it. You didn’t like it one bit. So far, Zemo kept proving you wrong. Even when it seemed like he was about to jump ship, he came back. No matter how many opportunities he had to escape, he never did. And it was making you even more suspicious.

You stayed out of Bucky and Sam’s conversation, although you had to agree with Sam’s point, especially with the conversation you just had.

Your thoughts were running a thousand miles a minute, only to be interrupted by Zemo information about the funeral this afternoon. Guess a snake will always be a snake.

“And you, uh, didn’t think this was important information?” You questioned, eyes narrowed and brow pinched.

He shrugged. “You have it now, don’t you, princess?”

Bucky growled at the nickname, leaning back on the couch, threatening Zemo with the Dora Milaje.

You can’t remember a time you’ve ever been scared of Bucky. Maybe a little threatened and intimidated by the Winter Soldier, but never scared of Bucky. And when he stood up after Zemo mentioned leverage, you didn’t expect anything from it; maybe another choke hold or something. So the glass hitting the wall, the clench in his jaw as he spoke gruffly to the Baron, for a mere second, he kind of frightened you. Maybe it was all the emotions you’d been through the past few weeks or maybe it was the adrenaline that seemed to be pulsing through your veins 24/7 nowadays. Whatever it was, it made you flinch, bolting up as Sam did.

You left the room quickly, hearing Sam say something about making a call, hoping to calm your racing heart.

“Doll?” You sat up from the bed you were laying on, legs hanging off the edge. Bucky stood in the doorway, nervously shifting his feet. “I know I said I’d leave you alone, but…”

You gave the bed a pat next to you and he gladly accepted the invitation, padding over to sit besides you. “I don’t want you to leave me alone, Buck. You’re my best friend. I-I just need to take it one thing at a time right now.”

He nodded. “I get it. I wasn’t…I wasn’t coming in to talk to you about that. You said we’ll talk about it later, so we’ll talk about it later.”

“I appreciate that, Bucky.” You smiled at him, before frowning. “What did you wanna talk about then? Are you okay?”

“Did I…did I scare you?”

You blinked at his question, tilting your head. “What?”

Jerking his head to the doorway he explained, “just then. With Zemo. Your heart spiked.”

“No.” You answered immediately. You would never ever admit that he kind of did scare you. It was just for a second and you knew how his brain worked; he’d beat himself up over it, go over his actions for hours instead of getting the rest he so desperately needs and deserves. He didn’t need that on his conscience right now. “I wasn’t - I just…you startled me. I wasn’t expecting that reaction-”

“I didn’t like the way he talked to you.” He spat out, glaring at his hands in his lap. “And then the smug bastard thought he was gonna get away with holding back information like that and I just…I dunno.”

His hand came off his thigh, but he hesitated. Before he could put it down again, you slipped your hand under his, linking your fingers, running your thumb in circles against his palm. “Don’t let him get to you, Buck. Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

A sigh left his lips and he nodded. “I know, I know. It’s just…hard. After everything he put me through - put us through - I…I just hate that he’s really our only option.”

You frowned, shifting on the bed to face him, one leg bending beneath you while the other still hung over. “Why are you so obsessed with catching these guys?”

“I wanna do something right.” He murmured, playing with your fingers. “I’ve done so much wrong…I just wanna do something right. And I feel...responsible for it, I guess. In a way. It’s Super Soldier Serum. I thought I was the only one after Steve…” He froze at the blonde’s mention, giving you a side-eyed glance. You nudged him, silently telling him to continue, that it was okay to talk about him. “And Sam’s right, you know. She’s just a kid. So…I dunno. I wanna help. I wanna do something right. And catching them would help. It’s right. Right?”

You nodded firmly. “I understand where they’re coming from. Karli’s just trying to help the world. But she’s doing it wrong. And that I know for absolute certainty. Which is good, I guess. I was talking to Sam early and I mentioned not knowing my right from my left recently. It’s good I know something, huh? And for you it should be easy telling your right from your left.” You joked, tracing the gold lines on his metal arm. “I guess you’re just gonna have to stay besides me to help me remember.”

Looking up, you found Bucky staring at you with something you recognized in his eyes, but didn’t want to name. “Three hours, forty two minutes and thirty one seconds.”

“What?”

“That’s how long I didn’t talk to you. It was too long.”

You sighed, ducking your head. “Bucky, I’m sorry-”

“I’m sorry. For anything and everything I’ve ever done wrong. I won’t mention the plane or anything we’ve talked about until you bring it up first. I promise. Just…just don’t ignore me anymore? I'm not sure I can handle it for much longer.”

You nodded, watching your fingertips dance along his scruffy jaw. “I won’t.” He caught your wrist, opening his mouth, before shaking his head and closing it. “What?”

He shook his head again. “Not until you bring it up.”

“We will talk, James. I promise.”

“You don’t have to explain. I get it. I really do. It’s okay. As long as we’re okay for right now, I can hold it in a bit longer.”

You nearly asked him what he was holding in, but you quickly shoved the question out of your mind, knowing it would take you down a conversation you couldn’t possibly have right then. “How long do you think we have?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Zemo just said that it’s this afternoon. Why?”

“I started reading The Great Gatsby on the plane. I’ve got it on my phone. It kinda reminds me of you. Do you-do you think we have time to read some? Only if you want, I mean. Like we used to do in Wakanda?”

He grinned and nodded, scooting up on the bed and flopping down into the pillows. You smiled back, following his lead. Once you were comfortable, your phone out with the chapter you were on, Bucky scooted closer, laying his head on your stomach, hugging your waist. 

“Is this okay?”

Your fingers found home in his hair and you nodded when he looked up at you for an answer. “Yeah. It’s perfect, Buckaroo.”

[heloflor]

So I’ve been into Sam and Max for a few weeks now and learned some stuff about the making of the cartoon, more specifically that whole thing with how Max was apparently supposed to be genderbended, which got me thinking.

Ok so first off, the context of what I’m talking about : in an interview, Steve Purcell talked about the show and mentioned how the Geek was a boy at first, which prompted the executives to ask for a female character, specifically requesting for Max to be a woman. The interview is on youtube, with the video called “Steve Purcell on Sam & Max”. And between the title and what is said, I’m assuming the guy talking is indeed Purcell.

The reason why it got me thinking is due to a comparison with two other cartoons, “Pinky and the Brain” and “Darkwing Duck”.

  Thing is, all three cartoons have that same theme of two guys working together, with a lot of gay subtext put into the mix. But there’s one thing both PatB and Darkwing have that Sam and Max doesn’t : a woman that serves as romantic interest.

In PatB, you have Billie for Brain and Pharfignewton for Pinky. As for Darkwing, you have Morgana as a love interest for Drake.

(Funnily enough for PatB, both relationships have some gay subtext. Billie and Pinky have similar personalities, making it look like Brain fell for a “girl Pinky”, while for the second relationship, Pinky calls out people’s intolerance everytime he gets questioned for liking a horse, preaching that love is love.)

  But in Sam and Max, there isn’t a single character that fits that role. Sure, you can have a woman showing attraction to the boys there and there, but it’s never something that drags on for the whole episode, let alone the show.

From what I remember, the closest we got to that was that “Honeybunny” secretary, and even this led to a joke about Max thinking Sam is talking to him, followed by the secretary seemingly making a move on Sam with Max immediately jumping in-between them. And her appearance at the end of the episode doesn’t lead to anything either.

(Reminder that I’m only talking about the cartoon here, hence why I’m not mentioning Mama Bosco in S2. Tho, even then, the whole dialogue with her is the duo trying to convince her that Max isn’t interested. And even after making Max act straight, you can talk to him afterwards and he comments on how it’s only going to last a month before he’ll “be back to normal”. So she’s not much of a love interest either. Also side note but Max calling his lack of attraction for women “him being normal” is absolutely amazing, especially coming from an early 2000s game !)

  My point with this : while I know they wanted a female character for representation, the fact that the executives saw this show’s idea and asked for one of the titular characters to be turned into a woman definitely feels a bit sus.

Tbh, when I first heard the interview, a few days afterwards I forgot that the executives were the ones who asked for female!Max and for a moment thought that they asked for more “female companionship”, only for Purcell to show up with the idea of making Max a woman. And while this isn’t how it happened, it would’ve been very funny.

Like, imagine someone is making a show with gay subtext between the main duo, so you ask the creator to make a female character (*wink* *wink*), only for the creator to come back with one of the two guys genderbended. Because fuck it, if these guys have to be in a het relationship, it will be with each other !

  Thinking about it, the fact that the executives asked for female!Max might actually make it funnier. I mean, imagine you pitch a show with two male leads that has some gay jokes here and there, and instead of saying “give one of them a girlfriend or something, this is the 90s !”, the executives basically went “wanna make their relationship even more explicit ? :D”

No because let’s be honest here, had they gone through with genderbending Max, and given the amount of subtext this cartoon has (if you can call it subtext honestly…This is plain text at times), Sam and female!Max would have absolutely been an item. Or at least a lot of cishet of the time would have assumed them to be.

[cathrrrine]

The Other Romanoff

Y/N Romanoff finds herself in a strange predicament when she lands in a universe drastically different to her own. The Avengers are basically non-existent in the present day, Yelena is nowhere to be found, her sister is dead and...all traces of her existence is gone.

Can she survive in a world where her identity means nothing? Or will she fade away before she even has a chance to find out how to solve it?

0 - TIME GOES BY

———

You stared at the headstone below you, touching the cold, chiseled stone with the tip of my fingers with great caution. Your eyes had scanned the name engraved on it thousands of times already at this point, but your brain hadn't quite caught up yet.

Natasha Romanoff. Daughter. Sister. Avenger.

Even though it was literally set in stone, you couldn't bring yourself to believe it. You had just talked to her on the phone three days ago, or at least that was the case in your world. This world was different. It wasn't the one you hated and loved at the same time, it was a whole other universe entirely.

You woke up 24 hours ago with an incredible ache in your bones and a migraine that felt like a grenade went off in your head. When you opened your eyes, you were in a different room—although, room wasn't exactly the word to define it. It was a warehouse, with high ceilings and mysteriously stained walls. It took half an hour for you to figure out how to exit the building, especially in the lack of light, and when you finally made it outside, you were greeted by a vast parking lot with no signs of civilisation whatsoever.

It took another five hours of walking to the nearest occupied building, a gas station that you nearly mistook for an abandoned lot. You borrowed the man behind the counter's phone in exchange for five dollars—all the cash you had in my pocket, thankfully American currency stayed the same—and dialled every single number you knew by heart. Natasha, Yelena, Tony, hell, even Clint.

Unsurprisingly, not one of them were in service. So, you went out from behind and hot-wired one of the two trucks parked there, the phone you 'borrowed' still in your pocket.

Now here you were, somewhere in Ohio, after googling for what seemed like forever in search of your sister after finding nothing you knew worked. The first search result that came up was Ohio, next to the words 'the late Natasha Romanoff'. You felt like your heart had been ripped out of my chest by the Hulk. Nothing could have prepared you for that moment, not even one of Natasha's elaborate schemings and notes. At first, you thought you were being tricked, and then you thought you had accidentally swallowed an edible before going to sleep and was under some drug-induced trance. But it felt too real for it to be fake. Nothing in your head would've been able to come up with all this on it's own, even if it was one of your greatest nightmare.

You didn't even bother googling anyone else, too shocked to think of anything else. You just hit the gas and drove all the way to the location where she was supposedly buried and found her headstone just...standing there, upright. Your body went through a series of shocks just trying to get to it up close. You were expecting for her to be there maybe, laughing with Yelena, Tony and everyone else who played a part in this stupid prank. But there was nothing but the drumming of your own heartbeat pounding in your ears.

No one in their right mind would play this kind of trick on you.

You had been driving all night and had only arrived by daytime, around 7 in the morning by the looks of it. The sun felt warm against your skin, a steep contrast in comparison to the cold, dead feeling you had in your chest. You were so confused. You couldn't even begin to comprehend what was happening to you. It was like a Supernatural episode playing right before your eyes, but without the characters and the humour. Just you and your anxiety.

You knelt down so your head was somewhat level to the headstone. Your hand grazed over the familiar symbol engraved in the middle of the stone, just below her name. It was the Black Widow symbol, an emblem you had worn almost all your lives.

Ohio. It was somehow appropriate that she'd be buried here. A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as a memory from your childhood resurfaced.

"Friend of hers?"

You jumped, jumped at the sudden sound of somebody's voice. Somehow, with all the noise in your head, this somebody managed to sneak behind you successfully without my knowing. You put your hands on your knees and lifted yourself up, turning around to face the stranger.

Who turned out to not be a stranger after all.

Your eyes widened at the sight of him. It's been such a long time since you've seen him in person that it almost felt surreal...but then again, what about all this didn't?

It was a relief to see a familiar face in a strange world. You took in his brown eyes and lopsided smile, unable to hold in a reciprocal reaction. "Sam!"

Your excitement got the better of you that you had forgotten the situation you were in. His reaction immediately changed, like you flipped a switch by yelling out his name so casually. Then the smile returned, "Sorry. I forget myself sometimes. Yes, I'm Sam, nice to meet you. What's your name?"

He held out a hand for you to shake. This time it was your turn to falter. Having one of your best friends whom you've known for half of your life ask you that question felt like taking a baseball bat to the stomach.

Sam seemed to notice the shift in your demeanour, especially since his hand had been hanging in mid-air for half a second too long.

"Are you alright?" He asked, eyebrows furrowed. He placed his hand back to his side.

You had no one else to turn to in this strange world. You wondered for a split second if you should figure it all out on your own and maybe wait and see if this was all a dream. But then if this was indeed a dream, what would the harm be in telling him, right?

As Nat would usually say in any type of situation–Fuck it.

"No, Sam. I'm most definitely not okay." You breathed out. "I'm Y/N Romanoff, and I think I might be in some deep shit."

[wiihtigo]

Could you talk more about sam and max being autistic idk I just like hearing your thoughts about it your doc was cool

you come to me on the day of my daughters wedding and ask me about sam and max autism headcanons, forcing me to open tumblr and start writing what ive been thinking recently about maxs autism in relation to him in 305

i talked about this in private a bit but i think 305 could be taken as an allegory for maxs giant autism and thinking you dont feel things the right way with ASD

-max turns into a giant horrible monster in 305, this could be taken as him literally seeing himself as a monster and the whole town, all their friends, see him as such and want him DEAD all except sam whos constantly vouching for max this entire episode. at the end when superego was like "wow! max is actually capable of self sacrifice! amazing!" sam says "told you so." very smug because he knew all along, he always knew max was capable of kindness and love because he sees it firsthand every day!

theyre partners and best friends, of course he knows him better than he knows himself. Literally in this case, where superego, personification of part of maxs brain, thinks hes not capable of feeling things in a normal, proper way, max doesnt think that about HIMSELF, superegos issue with max (maxs issue with himself lol) is that he thinks hes capable of more and max is just ignoring him he says specifically hes tried to push max towards the finer things in life and being more proper (max trying to push himself? talking about max and superego as separate when theyre essentially the same is so hard #HELP.) he thinks hes selfish and cruel and not capable of a selfless act.

theres even a line superego says to sam where he says "you of all people should be able to understand my frustration after years of being partnered with a creature driven by pure id" which is like. does max think sam gets frusterated with him and doesnt want him as a partner because of the way that he Is. max. this is a nice little parallel to sam just last episode having that thought "max is getting so powerful now soon he wont even need me :(" but thats getting away from my point a little. (veering into max depression discussion which is a whole can of worms on its own, but it is worth mentioning autism and depression often go hand in hand and some of maxs self worth issues can be attributed to feeling weird about his autism traits)

anyways of course max was capable of a selfless act, of course he would save sybil and her baby, he loves sybil and he loves babies and he has a lot of love in his little heart. so skipping ahead a bit to the biggest scene in sam and max that baffle and confuse millions, maxs reaction to coming back to sam.

a lot of people are confused by maxs nonchalance and casual retelling of the horrible events that apparently went down in his timeline where he had to kill his sam. (interestingly but a little off topic, he specifically says HE blew sam up, whereas in this tl, max killed HIMSELF, sam didnt do a thing. in fact he wouldve probably stayed trying to save him until they both blew up if superego hadnt convicned him itd be tooootally fine to leave. seriously sam its OK hes NOT going to blow up i promise. ok bye bye."

so max comes back, immediately tries to jump back into normalcy and jokes and feels unsure and uncomfortable when sam doesnt reciprocate. he looks confused when sam hugs him even. a lot of people are like "what the hell did he mean by this" but TBH as someone with ASD and lots of experience in the "getting bad news over the phone and then going to a funeral" pipeline i really felt a mind and soul connection with max there! this is mentioned somewhere int he sam and max bible for the cartoon but steve purcell writes something along the lines of "max sees things differently from anyone else" on the topic of his strange reactions to things. which is like. You have autism ->

theres an unskippable line in 305 right before you get to the endgame where sam says "why does max have tear ducts? i cant remember the last time ive seen max cry." and then immediately gets into maxs juxtaposed reaction to sams death to sams absolute MISERY over maxs. max might not feel grief in the way people would expect from a person. he might not even be sad. he might not feel things in the "proper" or "normal" way but that doesnt make him a 50 foot shambling eldritch monster, hes just wired differently. as someone with autism ive felt it too where i dont think i feel things in the right way. if something really sad and fucked up happens to me i dont feel sad and the only thing im immediately concerned with is feeling uncomfortable with watching the people around me crying which, as im typing this, makes me feel like a monster freak for being so cold and cruel, but thats the point im trying to get at, 305 could be read as an allegory for this exact feeling.. because at the end of the day max is just max and sam is happy to see him and accept him as he is. hes not a monster, hes just sams partner and best friend and its ok to be exactly the way he is without feeling the need to change

[thequeenofmyownscreen]

Thirteen things I noted about CR2E114 “An Open Window” :

I'm so mad this episode was not called “How to get away with murder”

HALLOWEEN !! Everyone is dressed as their favorite NPCs from this campaign. Got to say, Matt as Artagan is so cool, but what takes my heart is Ashley as Henry Crabgrass, what takes my breath is Laura as the Gentleman (those cheekbones !!), and what takes my brain is Marisha as Celia with the "CENSORED" golden-dick-in-the-hand. I laughed so much !! But really, they were all amazing, Liam looked great, Travis and Sam were having fun and were probably a little too hot.

The design of the wheelchair for Dagen Underthorn intrigues me very much !!

Awww, the revelation (even if there were clues before) that Caduceus doesn't feel attraction and is - I think - ace, is heartwarming. Yasha and Veth tried to get him a date with the meat lady, but he didn't want that, he wanted to buy some vegetables. Hear, hear.

Yeah, the Mighty Nein would be the group doing a snowball fight while being in an isolated post full of guards and shady people like the Wall in Game of Thrones.

Veth, about Lady Vess DeRogna : "First she tortures my husband ! And now she doesn't cover dinner ! That's two strikes. One more, and I'm going off on the bitch !!"

Love that the Mighty Nein saw Lucien : in a warm room, stealing some stuff, saying that he got back what 'she' stole... and didn't think immediately to check on Vess !!!!!

Jester, about Molly/Lucien : "His accent was way stronger than it used to be !" The look on Taliesin's face is EVERYTHING.

I really love them, what disasters. They're focused on what Lucien said, not what he was doing, or where ! And since they do that, they don't want to ask Vess what "To alpha and alpha" means, because they don't trust her.

THEY WENT TO BED, CALEB AND VETH HAD TIME FOR A CONVERSATION, THEY GOT BREAKFAST, YASHA GAVE HER POEM TO BEAU, BEFORE THEY REALIZED MAYBE THEY SHOULD CHECK ON VESS !!

oh yeah the bitch is deaaaaaad

Ok ok ok for all that I laughed so hard, the Mighty Nein are weirdly competent at one thing : LYING !! The ideas of pretending that Vess DeRogna is still alive, but sick, and that she'll rejoin them later ; and the forgery of the letter ; the body stored in the Amber vault ; and the bloody remnants to be throw in the lava river ! Man, they're efficient when it comes to covering their fuck-ups.

Caduceus : "Can't solve all of our problems by throwing them into the fire river." Jester : "Yes, you can, Caduceus !!!"

Hahahaha, not them realizing that they won't get paid because the bitch is dead !! Also now they have to pay Dagen ! They will be broke at the end of the campaign.

[scoobydoodean]

hi! i read your misogynist post and while i haven't read it all to analyze, this one stood out to me the most:

In 1.06, Sam cuts Dean off before Dean can accept an offered beer from Rebecca, but then as soon as Sam needs Rebecca out of the room, Sam asks her to not just bring them those beers... but also fix them sandwiches. Rebecca says, "What do you think this is, Hooters?" and Dean mumbles, "I wish" and we somehow lose sight of the fact that Sam literally just asked a woman to make him sandwiches which is possibly the number one misogynist man trope.

while that i'm not justifying or defending, the thing about this section is he ASKED rebecca those things to distract her and not have her come back in the room right away after grabbing the drink, because he needed to DISCUSS with dean what he just saw on the camera without freaking her out because that was her brother. i would have done the same thing, and i'm a girl.

I would greatly appreciate it if you would read posts fully before responding to them. That said, of course there's a context to Sam's comments. I in fact stated in the very portion of my post that you yourself quoted that he wanted her out of the room:

then as soon as Sam needs Rebecca out of the room, Sam asks her to not just bring them those beers... but also fix them sandwiches.

Misogyny almost always has a conversational motive/context. It isn't usually cartoonishly and randomly spewed. There's a context to Sam's request. There's a context to Sam lying to the women he loves and intends as life partners, and using the word "bitch", and usually being bad with women more generally, and tending to view women Dean might be interested in or who might be interested in him as loose distractions. But if you think the writers weren't aware of exactly what they were writing when they specifically went to sandwiches, I think you're wrong, and Rebecca's immediate objection to Sam's request lends to the author's awareness.

The context of that entire section of the post is not to demonize Sam, but to state that fans who push this narrative that Dean is a huge misogynist (in an effort to erroneously demonize him) are almost always contrasting him with Sam, who they believe to be some bastion of progressive morals who has never so much as looked at a woman lustfully (because that would be Evil and Bad™���). When shades of misogyny in Sam (that he is very very unaware of) are intentionally written into the script from the Pilot.

Kripke appears particularly fond of giving Sam an air of moral superiority that often backfires on him when he endeavors to judge Dean. 1.16 "Shadow"—another Kripke episode—is also a great example. Sam at one point criticizes Dean (who has gathered all of their major leads up to this point) for not "thinking with his upstairs brain", because Dean dared get a bartender's number while asking her questions about the victim. Sam, meanwhile, has been floundering reading books and getting nothing. Later in the episode, Sam peers up at Meg in an upstairs window as she undresses, and gets called a creep by a woman who passes by and sees him leering. It's again—a situation where Sam's initial intention isn't any brand of misogyny. He thinks Meg is bad news and is tailing her, but then can't help... looking... and then looking again. But it's so blatantly intentional from Kripke—especially the contrast of Sam peering in at Meg upstairs while Sam sits in a car below—downstairs.

The goal of the writing team in writing in these moments certainly isn't to make me think of Sam as some horrible evil man. It's simply to give him flaws with a fascinating and rich context that make him far more interesting than the Mary Sue some of fandom is obsessed with rewriting him to be. Sam's misogynistic moments don't endeavor to villainize him any more than Dean’s do—they provide fascinating insights into Sam’s relationship with and clashes with Dean, and add to other incidents where Sam takes on a morally superior air—perhaps, in some ways, out of subconscious jealousy. I won't link you to every single thing I've written adjacent to the subject, but for example, this post on how Dean earns money, how Dean pimps himself out for information, and how Sam and Meg both minimize Dean's contributions to the case in "Shadow" while Dean actually gets all of the leads (similar minimizations occur in 1.10 "Asylum"—which is another excellent example of Sam floundering while Dean repeatedly displays his brilliance, only for Sam to ultimately accuse him of having no mind of his own).

[atlantis-scribe]

What are your most deeply held SGA opinions? Can be popular or not.

John Sheppard is in love with Rodney McKay :)

what Jeannie & Rodney's team did in The Shrine was selfish. I understand why they did it, man do I understand, but Jennifer being against their decision is such a juvenile reason to hate her character. if anything, her stand in that particular issue is a point in favor of McKeller (one of very few lol). one of my favorite Shrine episode tags is But If You Try Sometimes (you just might find) by sardonicsmiley because of this particular section:

After their arguments over what should have been done with Rodney, Ronon won't even look [Jennifer] in the eye. She doesn't know how to make the man understand that she could have never let Rodney just go, not while there was still a chance she could do something. A quick death is still a death. It's still unacceptable.

Atlantis is a civilian outpost. it should never have had a military leader (I love Sam, but having her take Elizabeth's place, however briefly, was such a cop out).

in line with that, it doesn't make sense for Sheppard to be immediately in charge when the leader is gone, either. I know it's a terrifying thought, Rodney being in charge, but he's the next ranking civilian. that's actually logical. (besides, Sheppard is many things, but a leader in charge of everyone's welfare — not just his immediate circle / family — is not one of them. we have proof of that in canon.) I'd really love to sit down one day and map out an expedition charter that is actually coherent lol.

Rodney is just as smart as he says he is (even more than he really thinks he is). intelligence is a nebulous concept, and true intelligence, at least the holistic kind, is more than just one's capacity for critical thinking and pattern recognition, but I'd like to believe that in terms of brain power and sheer ingenuity? Rodney is the best in (at least) two galaxies. (yes, even more than Radek. even more than Sam. plus, they're both better than McKay in social / emotional aspects by leaps and bounds, anyway, so they're better off in the end). personally, this helps me rationalize his personality and character in general. it certainly doesn't excuse the bad attitude, but if I look at it as Rodney just being unparalleled in raw mental prowess? so many things about him would make a whole lot more sense. [Jeannie is on the same level, but the key deviations are her being 1) the younger sibling, and 2) a woman, two factors which guaranteed Jeannie a very different path]. the fic Sublime by Lemonbella cemented this headcanon for me, actually:

It was obvious, watching it in process like this, that McKay just had it. He had everything they ever needed right there at his fingertips, to be used at his discretion, and in his own time. Radek suddenly knew why Dr Weir had chosen him for the expedition, why everyone let all the arrogance and bluster and incessant chatter pass them by, and why Rodney was allowed three times his ration of coffee a day. Because you only had to see this in action once to understand that a body needed help to keep up with a mind like this.

Michael, Kolya, & Todd deserved better endings.

everyone needed to apologize to Kavanagh for what went down in Critical Mass. he's a dick, but there's only a handful of differences between him and our Rodney.

Teyla & Kate Heightmeyer were lovers.

Atlantis is not alive, but it is sentient in a way that is beyond human perception (and it is not a big fan of John Sheppard).

send me fandom-related asks (x)

[labyrinthof-fan-fiction]

We Were Happy

Sam Wilson X Reader

Summary: Sam’s ex-fiancee is a member of the Falcon/Winter Soldier duo, fighting alongside them. It’s all good, until the events of TFATWS Episode 4. (this summary sucks, but my brain is so wiped from writing this)

A/N: This one is not for the faint of heart. I was listening to Taylor’s “We Were Happy” on my drive home today, and for some reason my brain immediately just went to Sam, I really can’t tell you why. I don’t own TFATWS, its characters, or “We Were Happy”

Warnings: Major Character Death, Blood, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Gore, Death, Violence, Funeral Scene, Swearing.

Word Count: 2,665

Sam was shaking, Karli had threatened Sarah and the boys. He wasn’t thinking straight. “She overstepped.”

“Sam, you can’t take her on alone.” You said, pulling on your combat jacket.

“I agree,” Bucky said, as you both chased him down the stairs and onto the street.

Violence begins after page break.

You knew you were walking into a fight, but you hadn’t expected John Walker and Lamar Hoskins to show up. You should have known they were tailing you. They always were. All hell broke loose, then you heard Lamar’s body hit the column next to you. You glanced down and knew he was gone. John ran and checked his pulse, but you knew he wasn’t going to find anything, then you saw his eyes turn black. You had seen that look before, “John, don’t.” You started, the Flag Smashers in the room shifted uneasily, then they started to run.

John snarled and chased one out the window. For a fleeting moment you glanced back at Sam, he was shaking his head. You closed your eyes and ran headfirst out of the window, your wings caught the breeze and you landed on your feet, chasing after the man clad in red, white, and blue.

He tripped the man he was following and threw him into the fountain, the shield raised above his head. You picked up your speed and slammed into the Flag Smasher, pushing him out of the way and putting yourself directly under the shield. A scream fell from your lips as the first blow landed on your chest. Your head fell to the side and you saw people gathering as John continued to deal blows to your body, cellphones filming.

“John.” You managed to say, but you looked up and saw the unhinged look in his eyes and you knew, this was your last fight. You glanced over and saw Sam run up with Bucky next to him, Bucky grabbed onto Sam’s shoulder. Tears fell from your eyes as you saw the panic rising in Sam’s eyes, you focused on him, just Sam. Maybe just staring into his eyes would be enough to save you.

Sam was frozen in place as he watched John deal the final blow to your chest, horror washed over him. Bucky’s grip on Sam loosened and he ran to your body on the steps. “No, no no,” He chanted as he fell to his knees at your side. He tried to not see the blood that was pooling under you, tried not to think about how bad it truly was.

“Sam.” You murmured weakly, reaching your hand for his. He clasped yours tightly.

“You stay with me, you hear me dammit? You’re not going anywhere.” He said through a clenched jaw, tears were falling down his face. His eyes traveled down to the wound from the shield and he saw the engagement ring hanging from your neck. He pressed his spare hand against the wound, trying to stop the blood.

“Couldn’t get rid of it.” You said before a cough shook your body.

“Baby, please.” He whispered, “Please hold on, we’ll get you to a hospital, they’ll save you.”

Your eyes closed as another cough ripped from your lips. “Sam,” You murmured. “I love you.”

His other hand moved through your hair to cradle your face. “I love you too, baby, so much. Hold on. Please, hold on.” He chanted, but he heard your breath growing weaker. He gently placed his forehead against yours, “Please, God, not this.”

Your eyes met his as you felt the rattle in your chest grow stronger. “Goodbye, Sam.” He watched as a small smile came across your lips and your eyes closed, he felt your hand grow slack in his.

“No, no, no!” He shouted through his tears as he pulled you close to him, resting your head against his chest as your final breath left your body. He could see the cellphones all pointed at him, he couldn’t take it. He cradled your body against his chest and found himself eye to eye with John as he stood.

“Sam….” John started, Sam’s eyes fell on your blood on the shield, he refused to meet the man’s eyes.

Sam gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw, he knew that this was not the time to say what he truly thought of the other man. Not here, not now. He expanded his wings and took off with your body, not saying a word to John.

Sarah helped him with planning the funeral, honestly she did most of the work. Choosing flowers, the casket, making arrangements with the church. He found himself on the dock, standing next to the family boat. He stared out on the water, remembering when you both had been children and played on the docks while your parents worked. He could hear your laughter. He was broken from his stupor by Sarah coming up next to him.

“Are you going to carry her?” She asked gently.

Sam met her eyes, “I…” He had spent the past few days trying not to think about your funeral. “Yes.”

Sarah placed her hand on his back, rubbing a circle, comforting him like she had when they were kids. She looked down and saw the engagement ring he was twirling in his fingers. “She held onto that for so long. She was convinced that you were coming back.”

Sam chuckled, “Then I came back and fucked everything up.”

Sarah sighed, “I don’t think you fucked it all up, you both had the past few weeks together.”

Sam looked over the water, “There’s so much I wish I had said. I wish I had done.” The sun started to sink beneath the horizon. “And now, I’m not sure where I go from here.”

“You don’t have to have a plan right now. No one expects you to have everything together, after what you just went through.”

Sam scoffed and stared out watching the sun fade beneath the tide, wishing that you were next to him. John had murdered you, in broad daylight, with the shield that Steve had chosen him for. And Sam rejected it, gave it to America, and America gave it to the man who ended your life. He knew the reasons he gave it up, at the time, they had been the right reasons. But now, all he wanted was to go back in time and force himself to keep it, let it rust in a corner of a barn for all he cared. If he would have kept his nose out of any of the Avengers business, you would still be here.

Tears were streaming down Sam’s face as he carried your casket to your final resting place. He had remained silent through the entire funeral, Bucky at his side. Bucky had given him space and he was grateful, but now he was grateful for his support. Sam watched as they lowered your casket in the ground, Taps began to call through the cemetery, the shots of the salute felt like they ripped through his heart. He remained silent as they finished, then a man walked up to him with a folded flag.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He saluted, then placed the flag in Sam’s arms. Sam’s eyes fell on the small triangle that was meant to honor your memory, your service, then a sob broke through his lips. He felt his knees buckle and Bucky grabbed his elbow to hold him steady. The cemetery cleared and he was left with the flag cradled in his arms. Bucky removed his arm from his elbow and Sam’s legs gave out. Sam’s heart felt heavy as he sobbed at the pile of dirt that covered you, Bucky stood vigil with him until the sky turned to night and the stars sparkled against the black. Bucky accompanied him back to the house. Sam paused on the street, remembering the night he had proposed to you, right before you both had been sent to you assignments. The porch lights had illuminated the two of you, he put his hand in his pocket and thumbed at the ring. The two of you had been so happy in that moment, carefree kids, for just one moment.

A week later, Sam was alone in your apartment, he took in the sight of the kitchen, almost expecting you to step into it and chide him for standing there and doing nothing. He moved around the table and found an envelope with his name scrawled in your handwriting. It seemed so out of place in your kitchen, he thumbed at the edge, debating if he wanted to read it. What could you say? Did you know this mission would be your last? He sighed and opened the envelope, seeing multiple pages inside.

Sam,

If you’re reading this, I’ve gone and done something stupid. I don’t know if you’ll be the one to find it or if someone will pass it along to you. Maybe it will end up on a landfill somewhere, unopened and left to rot into the Earth. Either way, I’m going to assume you are reading this.

I’m sure you’re wondering, why a letter? We have technology, there is such thing as video recordings. Well, after the snap, I went to therapy. Yes, I know, hell froze over. But losing you, I dug myself into a hole and Sarah pulled me out, then left me on a therapist’s doorstep.

As a way to cope with loss she recommended that I write letters, to you, about you, put everything in writing. And I did, this won’t be the first one I wrote. I doubt you will find them, maybe you’ll be the one cleaning my apartment and you will find them. When I got the call to join you and Bucky I was surprised. Things between us hadn’t been the same since the blip, you barreled headfirst into work as an Avenger. Did I ever tell you how proud I am of you for becoming an Avenger? Baby, I am so proud of you. God, you’re amazing. I’m babbling, I know, but I’m probably dead, so let me get the last word in.

Remember when we were younger and we’d sit by the dock, watching the sunset over the boats. We hatched that scheme to buy back Dad’s farm, you’d have equal parts in the fishing business with Sarah, and we’d live out the rest of our days there. We were happy, weren’t we? I mean, on some level we had to be, I was going to marry you. You wanted to marry me. Then life got in the way.

I still wear the ring, on a chain around my neck, but it’s still on me. During the blip people told me not to hang onto it, he’s gone, find someone else and move on. But I couldn’t let go of you, not even when a crazy purple alien ripped you from existence. Because loving you was the happiest time of my life, I know you might not believe me, with how we left things that one night.

I don’t know how I’m going to die, I guess no one does, maybe you do, don’t the Avengers have the ability to time travel now? Ideally, I’m 99 and I’m sitting on Dad’s old porch, in the rocking chair next to you, watching that sun set behind the boats. We’d have lived a full life, had some kids, grandkids, kept the Wilson legacy alive. I’d like to think my last breath was taken, holding your hand the minute the sky changed to night. But I know, in our line of work, that’s not what happened. Don’t blame yourself, I expect that I knew what the consequences of my actions would be. I probably bet too much on luck. But that’s life, it’s a give and take, and eventually we all get the take end of the stick. Don’t turn to vengeance, I know you’re an Avenger, but don’t take that so literally. You are one of the best people on this planet, revenge would not be a good look on you, or Redwing.

The last thing I need you to know is that I never stopped loving you, I don’t think I will even in the afterlife, if there is such a thing, I’ll be waiting. I know I said harsh things that night, we both did, but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. I assume that I will end up in at least what is heaven, although thinking back to some of the things we did as kids, maybe not. But let’s say that I get to the pearly gates, know that I’ll be watching you, making sure you don’t meet me too early. Maybe I’ll see you in the clouds, but let’s not pull an Icarus, I don’t know if I’ll be able to save your ass. Do you think I could get my own pair of permanent wings?

One last thing, I know I’m longwinded, but c’mon, I’m dead, these are my last words. Remember when the circus came to town and we snuck in? Something I don’t think I ever told you is, that was the first day I realized I loved you. You wrapped your arms around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. I don’t know what that kiss meant to you, but that kiss, when we were stupid teens, ruined me for anyone else. I wish I could have apologized to you, made amends. We both needed a break, to find ourselves, to remember who we were. The world changed so much after all those people snapping their fingers. Maybe if I was braver I have said these things to you before you read this, if not, I’m sorry. Sam Wilson, I love you and have always loved you. Even though we’ve been on hold, I always knew that we would make our way back.

I don’t want you to think that you have to hold a candle for me until the end of times. Find someone who cares about you, who loves you so much. Maybe move into Dad’s farm, and make a home with them. I probably haven’t told you yet, but I bought that old farm a year ago. It’s not in the best of shape, it needs some love. The deed is enclosed with this letter, along with my will. If you don’t want it, sell it, give it to Sarah and the boys, hell torch the place. But it’s yours, just like my heart.

Love you, forever and always.

Sam’s tears fell onto the pages, he moved them away and wiped his tears away. He’d be lying if he said that he moved on from you. You both had decided when he returned that taking a break would be a good plan, he was going to be focused on missions and you were trying to help others rebuild their lives. Then he asked you to help him with missions, with Bucky. It had almost felt like nothing had changed. It was great, until John got involved, until John killed you. His fingers tightened on the pages, wrinkling the edges. He sat down at your table, reading over the pages, looking at the deed in his hands. He had set the will on the table, keeping his eyes from it. The top corner that he could see had his name scrawled across it.

He glanced around the kitchen, and looked back at the letter, I’m so proud of you. “We were happy, baby. We were so happy.” He folded the letter, deed, and will and put them in the pocket of his jacket. He zipped the jacket and exited the building, Bucky was waiting outside, he raised his eyebrow at Sam. Sam simply tilted his head and the pair fell into step next to each other, walking the streets of your old town, intent on their next mission.