#my blog is a mess and i’m kinda inactive anyway

[princeofyorkshire]

random argies if i follow you i’m sorry i need more ppl to be suicidal with

[poetic-beats]

Sometimes when I come back to this blog it just makes me cringe. Mostly because whenever I’m manic I start a ton of new projects whether its crappy art, jumping around to different sites for my poetry that I eventually ditch, different business ideas that I start but never finish, bad poetry I have written things I like but there’s also just bad poetry that served a purpose for me to vent but objectively is bad. It’s also a very open book of the events and stages I’ve gone through and some of you have followed me from the beginning and I just cringe at the thought of what it must look like seeing my erratic postings. And it’s a monument to all of my sadness and trauma and struggles and I don’t find that a bad thing though I guess because writing was helpful and I’m not ashamed of what I’ve struggled with but damn this blog was almost as much of a mess as my mind. Life has changed so much in the 7 years since I started this blog, I’m 30 now which is scary to be so old ( I know 30 isn’t actually old old but in context of where I am in my life) and yet feel like I’m so behind in adulting. It’s like when I hit 30 in my mind it changed you know until I hit that number I was still in my 20’s even if it was 29 it felt like okay I’m not an ‘adult’ adult yet so it’s fine my shits not together but its like okay I’ve hit 30 now I should’ve started checking some boxes off the list and whilst some things have improved I still have a long way to go. I’m in therapy now I managed to start early last year privately ofc because NHS sucks ass. Luckily she’s good about pricing clearly not in it for the money; was my old MH teams lead therapist before she quit didn’t know she’d gone private, found her by dumb luck. She’s really good & it’s already helped me so much. I managed to acquire a few new diagnoses at the end of last year not a surprise though nothing new or unexpected as such but sometimes does feel like it’s a never ending list. Oh I got a second cat!!! His names Shrimp and he’s adorable. Bagel loves him I’ll have to post a picture of them both at some point and after having not written/barely written anything for awhile I recently started writing poetry again. Not sure why I slowed down/stopped I guess things got really busy & I managed/coped in different ways I also just kinda lost it like I had a mental block when I did try writing. Anyways so I wrote some new stuff recently sadly it’s not exactly happy it’s more of a throwback to when I first started this blog, writing as a way to cope in the moment when emotions were too much, to sort of purge it from my mind. I’ve had some difficult things to deal with and it’s been a lot so being able to write again is bittersweet. I also can’t vouch for its quality but hey it helped me cope so does it really matter, guess not. Anyways idk that’s enough rambling from me now don’t know why I wrote this out on here I mean my blogs mostly dead apart from these random check ins I do where I give these life update posts which I”m not sure anyone even cares to read because this blog is so inactive now but here I am doing it anyways.

[miserere-mei-deus]

It’s time to move on.

I have no idea why I’ve been putting this off for a while, I’ve been stressing out over this way more than I really should. But anyway...

How are you all doing? Totally forgot about me? That’s okay. I haven’t been active since like February of last year after all. I don’t know if you’ve ever kept tabs on me this whole time, but if you indeed have and have been wondering where I’ve gone this whole time, let’s just say a lot of things have happened. Of course, there’s the big elephant in the room that is COVID-19, but otherwise, I’m okay. I’d prefer not to talk about what went down with me, but y’know, if you’re still willing to be there to hear me out whenever I need it, please leave a like on this post and follow my new blog. No need to comment or message me privately, but you can if you want to.

Long story short, I want to switch blogs. What, you thought I was done with this hellsite for good? Nah, I still kinda like it in this weird way. But I just didn’t know what to do with this blog for the longest time until recently. I opened this account of mine in 2015, and I didn’t even use it until like 2018. And back in the day, I just used it to show off my bad Pixlr edits of Disney characters. No joke. Eventually, it evolved into a thing where I wanted to show off my art (made originally/traditionally/digitally and in dressup games) and original characters! But then there came another problem - how should I organize my characters... and blog in general? Well, I tried many things, and now two years later or so, my blog is now a mess, imo. Fear not though, because I’ve created a shiny, brand new blog that’s a lot more aesthetically pleasing! 

Enter: madame-mozart.

Blah blah blah, I don’t know what else to say, but you can find me here now. I will no longer be posting on this blog once I publish this post, but I’ll still leave it open for y’all to view and reminisce, I guess. I might even reblog something to my new blog once in a while! At some point, I will also change the email and password to this account so I don’t get more notifications about this blog flooding my inbox. I also have a toyhou.se and Pinterest account which I also use for my characters, and you’ll be able to find the links to those on my new blog. I’m even working on a site in which I archive all the art I’ve done throughout my life, and the link to that will also hopefully be posted on my new blog.

So go ahead, spambots, raid this blog all you want, I don’t care anymore about the DMs and follows. You’re trying to communicate with an inactive account, give up lol. And I’ll just block you on my new account, anyway, so your resistance is futile. I don’t know if the 60 or so followers that are tied to this blog still keep up with it, but if you do come across this post in your feed, holla.

Once again, my new blog is madame-mozart.tumblr.com.

See you there. 🌈

[thelastwritingofmysoul]

Greetings (again) Writeblr!

I’ve had this side blog for a few years but I’ve been inactive for a while. I probably should have just restarted with a fresh blog but I didn’t so here I am.

Anyway, I’d really like to be more active with the writer community here and maybe you can convince me to share progress on my WIPs.

I’m mainly a fantasy writer. Currently I’m working on a modern fantasy children’s comic which will be my main focus for now. I also have a medieval fantasy novel in the works but it’s kinda a mess right now and I might scrap it.

In the future I might turn to screenwriting more often. I think I like writing in other formats besides the general prose. If you’re a writer like that, I’m interested to hear about your work and process.

In short, like or reblog this if you’d like me to check out your writing blog! I’d love to get to know you!

(I follow back from @the-angel-introvert )

[croverload]

Sorry I was inactive for a bit, I've had a lot going on.

Massively slashed who I follow on Twitter the other day and I cannot recommend doing that enough.

Twitter isn't the same as it used to be when I started; my experience now is that you don't just follow someone, you essentially follow everyone they follow, so once you get to about 400+ people it just becomes an absolute mess and it becomes so much easier to be exposed to toxicity.

So yeah I would recommend trying to be a lot more selective about who you follow if you aren't already.

It's been kinda bittersweet to see my own follower count go down by a chunk in response. If my only value to those people was the fact I was following them, I'm glad they're gone.

Anyway, I'm on medication now for ADHD. It's EXPENSIVE, but it's been an absolute game changer. It hasn't really helped my distractibility all that much (I think that's more a discipline thing for me haha) but I don't feel tired and I'm so much more aware and in control of my emotions.

I just wish I'd looked into this sooner haha.

Going through all my trading cards at the moment with the aim to get rid of them. Counting magic cards has been an absolute pain...I'm up to 4,800 right now, I think the final number is going to be somewhere in the region of 8,000... x.x

Redoing all my stream stuff and I finally feel like I'm happy with it! I'll share more when I can. Hoping to give it a proper go this time around, but we'll see haha.

Anyway long rambly blog post thing over, I hope you have a great day. 💙🧡

[serendipitythms]

i disappeared again and no one is surprised. except this time it was because i was kinda procrastinating on releasing my first premium theme, bc messing with money makes me anxious + a lot of imposter syndrome, i guess. and i’m quite proud of myself for finally doing it, even if i still think that it’s not perfect.

i’ll try to queue some things so this blog isn’t always so dead, and i’ll keep working on new themes now that i got i better hang of it. i really want to release a free one, as i know not everyone can buy themes (myself included, it was why i learned coding actually), i just don’t know when the next release will happen. let’s hope it’s soon.

thank you a lot for everyone that still pressed the follow button despite me being so inactive most of the time, and everyone that likes/reblogs my things anyways. it means a lot to me. ♥

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[yafaemi-but-gone-fishing]

Right! As I mentioned, this is the whole... official reintroduction for my blog, I guess, and why I ended up cleaning up a ton. I doubt this whole thing is all that necessary to write, both from a relevance view and general interest-in-why point, but. If I don’t, then my brain is going to beat me up for it. :P 

So! Generally, I just kinda felt like my blog was a bit of a mess. That’s really it. I’ve been considering trying to organize it a bit, and some other ideas, but then never went through with doing anything.

To be honest, that’s a bit of the reason why I’ve been so inactive. Not knowing what I wanted to do with the blog meant my brain just went ‘ah. I see, you ordered one internal debate. Have fun doing nothing, nerd!’ And just generally being unmotivated to post. I’m probably still not going to be as active as I used to be, but. I want to at least get back into it somewhat. Into interacting with the community and stuff. 

So! Onto what’s gonna be changing for the blog... like, one thing, pretty much. o.o It’s going to be mainly centered on Aurora and Breadstick. It’s probably not going to be equal content for both, but. That’s the main thing to expect, for FFXIV related content. And my normal bullshittery in OOC posts. 

Though, I AM planning on a sideblog! Another FFXIV blog, if you can believe it. For a character that I’m actively planning on trying to RP on, in the community and stuff. To be honest, it’s a sideblog since I just really, really didn’t like having three characters on this blog. The side one is basically going to be mainly RP stuff, screenshots, all the stuff concerning the one it’s about. It’s also more likely to go on semi-breaks every once in a while. Everything else will be here, on yafaemi. 

Anyways, ya! I’ve no doubt that there’s going to be even more chaos on both blogs, but we’ll see. 

[somanyfandomsonly1username]

so like, I’ve been very inactive lately, due to that fact that it’s almost nearly impossible for me to actually consistently be on tumblr the way I wish to be, and like only recently I’ve been kinda active, and I’m sorry about all this, but like I haven’t paid any attention to any messages, tags, and/or asks that I may have received, mainly bc of how hard and infuriating tumblr on a mobile browser is. So I’ve only been rbing a little, and mostly “liking” things (I feel so sorry for everything I’ve “liked” but not rbed) anyways, my point here is that I love you all so much, and I somehow managed to GAIN followers during this time of inactive ness and I’ve checked, it’s not bot blogs, so this is really cool. So I love you all. And I won’t be more active for a few months. Shit isn’t the best at home right now, like at all. And everything’s a huge ass mess, and so I’m sorry, but my activity is gonna be really weird, for a few months. Anyway, this little ramble post is done now. And again, I love y’all so much. And y’all mean so much to me! <3!

[queenharumiura]

|･ω･｀) rentarc

Send me |･ω･｀) + a URL and I’ll talk about this blog! ||Accepting||

Let’s see...where to start? To begin with, I still need to stop being so lazy and actually watch the anime that Rentaro is from. He seems like a GOOD BOITM and i’m all about that. From the threads we’ve had between our muses, Rentaro and Haru get along well, and i’m absolutely grateful for that. 

From what I can recall, we’ve talked through ims before, and a good amount by tags lol.  Chiessu has occasionally interacted with me by asks memes and the like, and it always makes me happy to see since it’s like, “oh- I... I exist in this realm.” 

Since there is no real theme to this meme, I am allowed to talk about whatever I want, huhu. so i’ll take this time to mention a specific time period. So, I go through sporadic moments of being pretty active and being relatively inactive. I do not actively put myself out there to interact with people due to various reasons that I won’t go into here. 

Anyways, for a while, my activity was kind of stagnant, and I was okay with that. I kinda just go with the flow of things and I don’t mind things being slow on my blog. Still, around the time when I started making a come back, i’m sure that’s when Chiessu came around. We still hadn’t been interacting for long yet when Vday came around. 

I remember this specifically, because I always have a Vday event I do annually. Older followers would know what i’m talking about as this event will span all my blogs and it bleeds into White day as well. So, I was surprised to see a like from Rentaro on the post. Not long afterwards, I got ideas of what to do based off the thread we had going on-- learning that they both are into cooking. 

So I had my directive there. I may not have mentioned it then, but I was happy to know that even if we hadn’t interacted for long at the time, Chiessu still liked the post. It does my ‘I love chocolate day’ heart good. A lot of the usual takers were not on tumblr at the time (and this was before a lot of the KHR blogs made a come back) so Haru didn’t get many takers this year. 

So it really meant a lot for me to see a like from a new blog who hadn’t participated in the past. I believe it was Vday itself that I reblogged a meme and I was sent a meme to make a playlist for the Haru and Rentaro. (It was a Vday meme for anyone else who is reading this)

Again, quite surprised, and it took a while for me to do it because I love to play around and customize things. I had a lot of fun with it and I hope Chiessu enjoyed it. Idk, it really meant a lot to me to be sent a meme at that time. I do think that Haru and Rentaro work well as friends. I really am not sure about anything further than that since I still don’t know Rentaro that well as a muse. 

Regardless, it meant a lot to be sent something from a vday meme specifically because it’s something that I reblogged only bc it was Vday that day. I truly did not expect to get anything. It was very touching, for me, to see the [1] over the inbox. 

Haru and I have very bad--- history, to put it bluntly when it comes to shipping. More like, back then people only cared for shipping, so Haru had a really hard time getting any interactions back then. So I have a lot of hurt when it comes to even suggesting ships or reblogging vaguely shippy memes. 

That’s why you hardly ever see me reblog any because of that past. So the fact that I was sent one, even if it was just for kicks, it truly meant so much to me, and I to be honest, still think about it to this day. I’m sure I didn’t say anything about it because I don’t take the initiative to talk about my feelings first, but it’s something that left an impression on me. 

In other words: I truly adore the Rentarc blog and I love the one who runs the blog too. 

Additionally, pretty sure there was another blog specifically crafted for the Isola rp group? I think I was maybe following both or something? IDK, but I think I saw them both on my dash once and it really messed me up for a while since I just couldn’t understand how the blog kept looking different when I clicked. 

It took me a lot of squinting to realize ohh--- it’s a different blog. OH. Oh, i’m dumb. Felt like sharing that dumb story that I never shared because I felt HELLA DUMB and I almost started panicking because I couldn’t understand. 

[rosey-writes]

Eliot- Violin, Marimba, Fiyero- Bagpipes, Jason- Harp, Jonathan- Oud, Sparks- Recorder, Matthias- Organ, Axel- Harpsichord, to the mod- Marimba, Hai Lin- Trumpet, sorry for such a long one, you don’t have to do them all!

mSorry I took for literal ever, I wanted to make sure they were all good, hopefully I succeeded! I’ll try to be faster next time Eliot

Bravon’s going to call me an ‘emo bitch’ for this, but- I don’t get sad all too often. Never have. Usually it comes out as me being pissed, which I personally find much more useful. Even at things that do make me sad instead of the much more useful anger, I do everything in my power to turn it into anger- to find a problem and solution and do it. I don’t believe in lying down and accepting whatever happened. You move on and you break whatever did it to you, or you die trying.

As for my ‘defining trait’? I have no fucking clue- let me go ask Bravon and Axel.

(Ten. Minutes Later)

Well Bravon said it was that I’m bottom, and Axel said it’s that I can make great hot chocolate so they’re useless. 

I guess if not those, I don’t fucking know- I guess I’m resilient? If that’s the word? I don’t like inaction, not doing anything to me is worse than self destruction. Humans weren’t meant to take being pushed down, you keep going even if it hurts you more. 

Fiyero:

How sweet of you for asking ❤️

My heritage is my lifeblood. Why wouldn’t it be? Not everyone is lucky enough o be a Deamorte, why wouldn’t I show it as much as I could~ We’ve been celebrities since Venice, what’s there not to be proud of! ❤️ 💖

As for country wise, while I admit I’m not the largest fan of my hair, I love my Irish background from my father’s side, they’re such a fiery people, how could I not? And my mother’s Roman ancestry is the reason I have the gifts I do- the bedrock of civilization and all that. And nothing in this world could compre with the marble streets of Italy.

Of course, I would love to add some more Irish to the family line, right, @liliesinwrittendreams ?

Jason:

Bagpipes? Really? You pick the most lame-ass instrument there is? Whatever- least I got a better ask than Johnny. Good luck to that creep explaining his shitty parents. 

Anyway- pride? In my heritage? I mean, gotta say, I’m white as fuck. We’re Mayflower bitches. Some of the first police officers in the state, went back since for literal ever. Pretty proud I guess, police, generals, pretty badass. But I don’t really like relating to my old man unless I have to.

Fuckin’ dick.

I drink a lot of beer? That count as ‘showing my heritage’? Fuck it, sure, love German beer. We’ll call it that.

Jonathan:

I don’t know why Jason would think I wouldn’t want to answer this, I love my family, all of them, even the...problem child, Jason grew up to be.

Well, not ‘grew up’. He was always like this. Throwing my dolls in the river and all that.

It’s a hard call, honestly, between Jason and my ma, but, I’m sure you’ve all heard enough about Jason to last a lifetime.

[”Jonathan you creepy fuck stop trying to write me ou-]

Ignore him. He got his attention seeking from father.

Besides that, I’d say my ma’s the one who taught me. She fell sick when I was younger, so I was the one who took over the farm work, especially when Jason left to move to the city with father. Seeing her so weak, helpless, the woman who gave life, who held me when I was crying as a child, protected me from my father’s rampages, would jump in front of his fist in the name of protecting her child, I learned just how important it was to protect the weak.

That’s why I know it’s my callin’ in life, protecting what can’t protect themselves. Animals, children, weaker adults. Even if my mother is no longer in this world-bless her heart- I’m still around to keep her legacy around. 

And, if I can say anything about it, I’m goin’ to make a world safe for people like her.

Sparks:

Oh, gosh, I-I, I don’t remember much of when I was a kid. I spent a lot of time inside, we were traveling all the time, s-so I didn’t get much of a chance to make friends. I had a lot of siblings, though, who were always with me, I loved a lot! I don’t keep in much contact with them anymore, my older sister, Mai, tries to call me sometimes but, u-usually it’s to try and get me to join It Works...

Oh! I remember it. It’s like a really really specific thing but...

When I was a kid, really young, I got picked on a lot. I was kinda weird, had- have- a gaptooth, didn’t really get other kids. A couple kids started messing with me, pushing me to the ground and I hurt my arm really bad on the school steps.

I guess...I just remember really clearly how I felt in that moment. Well, that, that I didn’t feel. I’d seen in every movie, seen other kids in that moment, they’d cry, they’d feel bad and...

I didn’t.

I wanted to. I tried to talk mean to myself while they did it. I repeated the names they called me, I called myself ugly and stupid and a freak, but, I couldn’t make myself sad. It was weird. I wanted to know what sad felt like, if nothing else than curiosity. 

That was when I realized why I was different, I think. I didn’t know why mom was taking me to doctors before that, I didn’t understand. I do now though. It’s been hard but, I’ve worked through it. I just needed an ù̶̟͋p̶͇͈̑d̷̦͊a̴̠̳͗̔̇t̶͇̬͆́e̷͇̜̋͑̿.

Matthias: 

LOL, thought you said Organ. Like, ya know. A dick. Is a dick an organ? BRB, gotta google that.

Well I’ll be danged.

Anywhoswhatevers. Blowy thing. Duuude, we watched the Ring, it was sick. Dad and I have horror movie Mondays, which, yeah, tehcnically god doesn’t like or whatever, but, dad says as long as we get permission from the pastor ahead of time, we’re good. 

And, when ya’ got the pastor’s nudes, anything is good by him.

It’s so funny, that movie scares the poop out of anyone, so watchin’ dad watch it was so freaking funny. Wish I had a vid. He started crying once, unplugged the phone, it was great. 10/10, would recommend. V good.

Axel: 

I got one! ;LDKFDSAKJ That is so cool!!!!

This whole thing is cool, I haven’t heard a harpsichord, what’s that? It’s like a super big piano right, with ploppy keys? I should learn to play one- it’d be so cool I could play that cool song from Rainbow Rocks with the siren peopl-

Eli says I need to get back on point because he has homework 

Oh...when I was told I was ‘weird’? It’s not super happy I guess but, I get called that a lot at school. There’s a group of girls who like making fun of me a lot, say my clothes are all raggy trash and stuff, and throw stuff at me, say I’m weird...but it’s okay! I don’t mind really, if they think I’m weird- they can think I’m weird, since it makes them feel better!

If I’m weird, it means they’re not, and not feeling weird is nice, so, it’s got to make them feel good to throw things at me right? That’s what matters? Right?

Right?

Hai Lin:

Blog. You people. Started. A blog.

I’d say I’m surprised, but honestly- this is not the dumbest thing you people’ve done. Not that it says much.

Alright, though, I’ll bite. Sue’ll be happy about it.

Honestly? I’d say I’m almost there. I’ve clawed my way from poverty to queen of the underworld, there’s not a soul who wouldn’t refuse to kneel before me...well, one who’d live to say anything about it. 

I guess, if there’s one thing I do still wish for though, is a life for my little sister. I know she doesn’t like this life, even if she knows little about it, but, I don’t want her forced into the same world I was. I want to give her a good, safe, life. 

I know sometimes she gets swept up in the romantic idea of the thief, she thinks she’s the kind to swing from masts and find a Romeo and Juliet love story, with her as the criminal and them as the good boy, but, I just can’t see her as anything other than my little bird. Maybe that’s on me, but, that’s the last milestone I have before I’m where I feel I can really rest.

Rosie! (Me)

Fun fact, when I first signed up for band, I tried to get the Marimba. I cried trying to hold two mallets because I have really sensitive skin thanks to childhood eczema. Then tried Timpani, couldn’t figure it out, freaked out, quit, and refuse to go to the half of the school where the band room is to this day. 

I know. I’m a wreck. 

My defining trait, I’d say, is probably my...for lack of a better term, ‘fuck it’ mentality. I’m the kid who, and this is true, rolls around school in Heelies with a yeet or be yeeten shirt. I was voted Most Unforgettable for Senior Superlatives. Generally, in life, I try to assume that nothing matters so I may as well have fun with whatever I’m doing :)

[jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse]

Okay so a couple of things.

Hi yes I've been quite inactive mostly to avoid the voltron fandom because of spoilers and also bc y'all are dramatic and I can't be dealing with that right now okay

Nice to see that people still look at my blog though tysm

I'm still gonna be inactive bc this bitch is lowkey drowning in work and has only watched up to ep 3 of voltron

I swear to fucking god if anyine messages me anything about voltron ESPECIALLY if it contains an opinion I will go all Macbeth on your ass just you wait

I hope that everyone is having a nice holiday season and if not I support you

I would say message me if you want advice/someone to talk to but I'm legit not gonna be doing much on this blog for the next week or so also I give terrible advice

If you do need someone to talk to but have no one you can talk to properly irl/are unable to use talklines or websites for any reason trust me there are loads of blogs that will offer advice if you go looking

Uhhhhhhhhhh

Oh yeah!! I might end up making a bigger post about this at some point but brief mental health positivity thing: bc of my coursework deadline + psychology test + backstage work taking up all of my time + feeling generally very ill and shitty, I had a pretty rough couple weeks mentally and kinda lost a bit of passion for life (which I like saying instead of will to live - ask me about it if you're curious). This is kinda why I haven't watched much of vld s8 etc, but anyway I did the test, handed in my coursework, finished the show and caught uo with college work, and am almost completely better, and today I realised I got that passiom back a little bit. Like, I messed about on the piano, composed a couple short phrases, wrote a poem, read some of my book, etc, etc. Anyway, we all go through rough patches, usually because of stressful things happening in our lives, and that's okay! As long as we acknowledge that, and put some time towards feeling better (when we have the time), we can get back to feeling like we did before. Healing is not a linear process, it's not a one way, never go back thing. Every bit off skin that heals can be cut again. We've just got to acknowledge that there are times that we take steps back, and put some efforr into retaking those steps forward, no matter how frustrating it can be.

Also nice little thing: went christmas card shopping yesterday and the shop had loads of cards like "for my two mums" "for my sister and her partner" etc etc it was very inclusive and gave me joy

Anyway, that's my little rundown before I drop off the map a little bit again. I'll probably be reblogging stuff from some of the blogs I have on notifs every now and then, and I'll definitely make a christmas post and a happy holidays post (inclusivity ftw), but this whole being off tumblr thing while everyone goes through their drama is quite nice, so imma be way quieter than usual.

[wanna1studio]

OTOME GAME STYLED: JBJ [SANGGYUN.1]

genre: FLUFF & SMUFF

ficstyle: chapters & bulletpoints // [INTRO] [YONG.1] [TAE.1] [KENT.1] [HYUN.1]

summary: you move into a sharehouse, this is your first time living without friends or family. you’re excited to meet your new roommates.. ONLY TO FIND OUT THEY ARE ALL GUYS. how will your life be like now?

note: [I’ll be moving to my other account @every1studio; so JBJ SHAREHOUSE won’t have a part two for all the members]

you had a friend like this person, so you felt like it was going to be easier to deal with him

“Sanggyun..”

within seconds, Sanggyun grabs your hand to kiss it

you whipped it away within a flash

“ayyyyyeeee” all the guys said

“y/n you just like the attention you get from Sanggyun huh?” Donghan teases

you looked at him in disgust (I mean he wasn’t bad looking but he was too player boy type for ya)

“actually I wanted to use him for the free coffee to be honest”

Sanggyun clings onto your arm

“you can use me all you want”

you literally broke your neck to look at him and slid your arm off

“absolutely... NOT, I know taekwondo I hope you know so you wanna keep yo limbs, BACK OFF”

Sanggyun backs off in a bouncing matter

“y/n is so cute when she’s mad..”

you tried not to be hot tempered, “ok if you behave and not be clingy or weird, I’ll go on a date with you, if not,”

YOU SAID THAT OUT OF THE BLUE AND IN A JOKING MATTER

“CALL” Sanggyun looked serious

“oooooohhhh,” all the guys were hyped

“my bets on Sanggyun, he’s persistent,” Hyunbin says

Taehyun shakes his head, “y/n is strong-headed and pretty, she’ll pull some strings”

 you didn’t realize that Sanggyun left

“y/n, I gotta go to work and I placed all of your boxes in my room, would you like to see where I work?” Sanggyun looked normal? he wasn’t overly giddy which threw you off 

(so he can be normal like this?) you thought

“wait you put my stuff in your room?” 

Sanggyun ruffles the back of his head, “yeah.. I didn’t want you to fall up the stairs while carrying those boxes, they were kind of heavy”

“get you a guy like Sanggyun,” Kenta says, “now hurry along before your manager comes yelling for you”

“ready to go y/n?” he stuck out his hand; maybe out of habit

you just looked at his hand like (I’m not gonna take that)

he jokingly clenches his hand back and leads you out the door

(why does she look so familiar... I feel like I met her before..) Sanggyun smiles through his thoughts

you guys enter into the cafe across the sharehouse (Flat Factory)

DING-DING

the door had a cute little bell, you looked around the cafe

it had lots of windows for natural light to get it, with fairy lights dangling from the ceiling, it also had lots of succulents and plants around the cafe

“SANGGYUN!!”

you both turned to look at a masculine looking barista (barista can be used for males/females)

“AH YE, MANAGER-NIM THIS IS MY NEW HOUSEMATE Y/N!!” Sanggyun hides behind you

the manager walks up to you guys and sticks his hand out

“Hello y/n, I’m Monti, I own this cafe. would you be so dear to step aside? I need to talk to my precious worker,”

you nodded and slid out of the way

everything happened in slow motion

Monti was giving Sanggyun a flying kick as Sanggyun was wided-eyed, trying to run away

whatta sight too see this early in the morning

after all the commotion, Monti looks at you

“we’re actually down one barista today, would you like to work here for a day? I’ll pay you for your work” 

(hmm not bad, moving into a new place and already getting paid)

you looked at Sanggyun, he was ferociously shaking his head (NO)

“I’ll do it!” you smiled at Monti and Sanggyun

“perfect!” Monti went grabbed you an apron

Sanggyun pulled you to the side and whispered, “why did you say yes?! only guys work here!”

“well I grew up with guys and I’m living in a sharehouse with all guys, so why not?”

DING-DING

you looked to see two more worker come in, twins, one with black hair and the other with blone

“oh? we have a new worker?” the blonde one says

“yup, she’s Sanggyun’s housemate, Hyuk couldn’t come in today so she’s gonna help us out” Monti exclaims from the back of the cafe

“ah, I’m Jin and this is Jon” the dark haired one said

“you guys are definitely good looking wow...” they reminded you of models

“HAHA LOOK AT SANGGYUN HE’S SULKING!!” Jon says as he points to Sanggyun

“HEY STOP FOOLING AROUND AND TEACH Y/N A COUPLE OF THINGS BEFORE WE OPEN, WE ALREADY HAVE A LINE OUTSIDE”

you looked outside and there was already a line with females; high schoolers, older ladies, etc

you wouldn’t doubt it, this was a cafe design to lure in women with good looking guys 

“c-can I work in the back?” they all looked at you

“why?” Sanggyun asks, “are you not feeling well?”

you shook your head,”those ladies are probably your fans, so if they see me, the only girl working, I might get my head chewed off..” 

girls scared you; not physically but they can get a little too crazy

Monti laughs, “you’ll be fine, if you feel like that, you can deal with our customers who are guys or couples”

you felt more comfortable

Sanggyun puts his hands on your shoulders and looks at you straight in the eyes

“if you feel uncomfortable, just let me know, I’ll help you in anyway that I can”

in that moment, you felt like you’ve seen Sanggyun before.. maybe in your previous life?

you shook your head and went into a 15 minute training

training went by fast thanks to Sanggyun and the twins

DING-DING

customers start to fill up the seats

you start to hear whispers when you walk pass the female customers

you grabbed Sanggyun’s sleeve, which caught him off-guard because you were more of the “independent-don’t touch me” kinda gal

(she’s friggen adorable holycrab) his eyes wavered a little bit

he turns and pats you on the head

“is my little sister feeling okay? you don’t have to work here if you don’t want to, Lil Duck”

MINI FLASHBACK

there used to be a boy who lived right next to you and his room was right across from yours

“I don’t like Suzy from my class.. she picks on how short I am compared to her!” you were getting the sniffles

“DO YOU WANT ME TO PRETEND TO BE YOUR OLDER BROTHER AND TELL HER TO STOP PICKING ON YOU, LIL DUCK?”

he used to call you lil duck because you’d follow him everywhere

RETURNS FROM FLASHBACK

you were wide-eyed, you’d thought you’d never see him again.. it’s been so long that you forgot what that boy’s name was but it all came back to you

Kim Sanggyun

“OMG THAT’S YOUR LIL SISTER? WE WERE JUST THINKING HOW PRETTY SHE WAS!!” you looked back at the customers, it sounded a lil forced 

“ohh of course, sweetheart, please treat her nicely,” Sanggyun winks at them as they giggle 

but after that, you felt a little more comfortable with the customers

“actually... we’re not related...” you tried to speak up but the customers wanted to talk about you 

“what do you do to take care of your skin?”

“how long have you been working here?”

“I wish Sanggyun was my protective older brother”

are they really being nice to you? it’s always been hard for you to make friends

after that, you started working again

SPLISH

some guy spilled their coffee on you

“oh gosh! I’m sorry~” he tries to wipe some of the coffee on you

“no no it’s okay,” you try to shoo his hands away, but he insisted that he needed to clean up after his mess

“if you give me your shirt, I can send it to the dry cleaners for you, I might need your number as well” he cheekily says, while taking out his phone

you feel an arm around you and pushes the phone away

“it’s okay, I can just take it for her, don’t worry about it,”  you turn to hear Sanggyun’s voice literally next to your ears

you hear the customer tsks as he continues his conversation with his friend

Jin comes up from behind you guys, “y/n are you okay? I’ll clean up this mess, you guys go tend other customers”

you nodded and Sanggyun leaves after the scene

the day ends smoothly after that and Monti said he’ll send a check the next day

“Sanggyun can you close up the shop? I have errands to run” Monti rushes his things together

Sanggyun nods as Monti thanks him by waving

“hey before we head back, I’ll make you my famous blonde flat white; since I heard you can’t drink strong coffee” Sanggyun rolls up his sleeves

“wait what’s the difference between a flat white and a latte?” 

“well a flat white means that you have to free pour for a velvet microfoam mix of froth and liquid and for a latte you gotta pour the liquid milk from the jug with a spoon to hold back the froth and then top off with a dollop of froth”

you didn’t understand anything he said 

but Sanggyun looked really mature when he was talking about coffee; you like this side of him a lot more than his playboy-y side 

you just watched him make coffee and he sees you watch him so intently

“ya~ y/n have you fallen in love with me? the girls here say that I look really cool when I’m making coffee”

you looked at him cluelessly,”no I just want my coffee”

he pouts has he slides the coffee to you from across the counter

you took a sip as he leans over the counter

“how is it?”

you were flustered, “it’s light, I like it” 

he smiles and turns around to clean up his area

“oh Sanggyun, why’d you call me “Lil Duck” eariler?”

he didn’t turn around

“you reminded me of a girl I used to live next to, she used to follow me around so her brothers called her “Lil Duck,” I forgot her name now but I still remember all the times I had with her.. you could say she was my first love..”

OH. mY. GaWD.

“did you used to live on Maple Street? with the gardenia tree out in the front yard? and went to Apple Elementary?” you wanted to confirm all of this

“Gyun-Gyun?” you spoke quietly

he looks back at you.. “Lil Duck?”

he just confirmed that Lil Duck was his first love.. but will you ever tell him that you were his?

END: once I write Donghan; this blog will be inactive ),:

NOTE: I know I’m saying this a lot but after this series, I’ll move over to @every1studio so please follow me on that blog <3

[smores100]

tagged by @troybarnesbucky, thanks! :D

Why did you choose your url?

‘smores’ is a nickname i was given maaaaaany years ago when i was just starting to get into the online world (rip imdb msg boards). my username was mors or something like that, based on my real name, and the people i became friends with started calling me ‘smores’ instead, i really liked it, and it’s just stuck ever since. the ‘100′ is just a random number bc smores was most likely already taken when i made this blog

Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

nope! either you love me with all my hyperfixations or you don’t love me at all, i’m much too lazy for side blogs

How long have you been on tumblr?

next month it’ll be 11 years, been here since 2010 jfc

Do you have a queue tag?

nah, i usually stick everything in the queue anyway so i don’t have to reblog everything myself so there’s no point for a specific queue tag

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

hmm, i don’t really remember, but tumblr was probably this Brand New Thing back then everyone was talking about so i probably figured i might as well get one too bc why not. over a decade later i’m still here for the pretty gifs 😌

Why did you choose your icon?

bc mickey milkovich is one of the greatest characters of all time and i love him with all my heart. and look how crazily cute he looks with his gun 🥰

Why did you choose your header?

bc ian and mickey are one of my most favorite otps and their wedding is a cause for celebration ❤

What’s your post with the most notes?

i rarely make my own posts, but this one crying over ian and mickey dancing to those specific lyrics of ‘perfect’ at their wedding and how poetic cinema it was became so much more popular than i ever expected akjdkajd the gallavich fandom was really going through it that day :’)

How many people do you follow?

i follow 255 blogs but like 90% of them are inactive anyway, i just don’t feel like going through them and unfollowing. i can’t follow too many (active) blogs bc it overwhelms me and gives me anxiety

Have you ever made a shitpost?

like i said i rarely make my own posts, but i’ve made a couple of shitposts here and there back in the day

How often do you use tumblr?

every day, even if it’s just to stop by for half an hour and put some posts in my queue. if i’m away for more than a couple of days, then something’s probably not quite right

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? Who won?

kinda? i found out someone blocked me and didn’t understand why, so i reached out and asked, and then apologized and promised to never do it again, but they were a b**** to me in return and made me feel like shit. so not exactly a fight, more like a confrontation where i was trying to be nice and the other side was just mean. i’m still blocked so i guess they won, lol. don’t mess with noorhelm stans y’all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but that’s about it i think, i tend to keep to myself bc i really reeeeeally hate confrontations

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

i hate them. don’t tell me what i need to reblog, i can decide for myself, thanks. also stealing @troybarnesbucky answer bc so true --> “fucking annoying, a symptom of this performative activist mentality that has been so pervasive online in the last few years and I hate it. “

Do you like tag games?

yeah, tho sometimes it depends on my mood or how much free time i have or on what those tag games are, like for example there’s a lot of music ones and i don’t have itunes or spotify or any sort of music library really so those are usually less relevant to me 🤷‍♀️

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

idk??? i’m not sure i have any, it’s not something that matters to me anyway

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I love all my mutuals and followers 😊

Last song you listened to?

'saved my life’ by sia (it makes me think of cg ian and mickey and then i cry....ain’t fanfiction the best???)

What’s your phone background/lockscreen?

this lovely darren criss pic. it’s soooo pretty and i love it but i’ve been wanting to change it for years now bc it’s been my lockscreen since i got this phone, but idr how to do it and i’m too lazy to look it up and try to figure it out so 🙄 (but hey at least i managed to finally change my ringtone! baby steps)

tagging anyone who follows me and wants to do this! :)

[ssherlock-blog]

Actually I don’t even care I just wanna say this because I wanna keep this blog forever in my heart and in my memories and I hope it never gets deleted so I can look back whenever I want like I’m doing now

Sometimes I wish we could just go back to shipping and being so innocent and playful with our silly shows. I cringe so much when I look back at some of the stuff I wrote and thought but man was I having fun! I just thought about how much I would have liked to smooch Benedict Cumberbatch and/or to see him smooch Martin Freeman in a tv show, I had fun on Photoshop (which I can barely use anymore lmaoo) and idk I wasn’t the happiest but I was kinda happy on here? It was some form of innocent release.

And I just loved my stupid show. I was silently part of TJLC, not blogging but creepin on y’all. I loved my stupid show so much that I haven’t been able to rewatch season 4 because it sucked. Last week I saw an article about it being “canceled” and my first thought was “BYE BITCH U DESERVE IT”. It does. I miss it anyway. It was good, and then it got bad but I will never forget about when it was good. It still hurts to watch my favourite episodes. It kinda makes me want to cry.

Well dear blog, your username has been robbed (no shade at whoever wanted it and saw an inactive blog hoarding it for no reason) but you still look the same and you’re amazing. The picture of a 16 yo girl with too much free time and a big heart full of Johnlock. No one will actually read this post because my now 1700 followers (been decreasing huh) are all probably inactive or busy blogging about whatever. Surely nobody remembers me, I didn’t have such an important presence online. It’s okay. I’ll read it, in another 5 years maybe.

Fandom has been such a big part of my teens. Are today’s teens in fandoms? I hope so. I hope everyone has their own version of Tumblr when they’re 16 and they’re an awkward mess who just wants their life to be filled with harmless happiness. Who cares where that comes from?

See ya ssherlock :)

[jinhogwarts]

THANK YOU FOR 1000 FOLLOWERS!!!

well actually 1001 but you know what i mean

i had this blog since 2011 so on the one hand i’m kinda like “finally!” but on the other hand, i really never thought i’d get to this milestone even after so many years ;-;

i know my blog is a mess of fandoms i just keep adding to, and it’s not like i make any original content (unless you count long rants about whatever bothers me at the time lol) but somehow so many of you still chose to follow me?? wow. i mean i’m guessing many of my followers are either old followers who don’t use tumblr anymore, inactive blogs, or porn blogs (gonna love the porn blogs, bless you i have no idea what you have to find here but thank you)... but still!

anyways, hi to all new, and old, followers~ thank you for giving me such a nice gift just a few days before my birthday ^^ i’m not good at really talking to mutuals (or non mutuals) but know that i love you a lot and if you send me a message/ask i would do my best to reply to you!

so yeah, thank you again for sticking with this mess of a blog and enjoying whatever little i have to offer to the world :3 love you <3