#my bisexual blond bitch is so girly girl

[ellies-enrichment]

blonde💅 moment

[sunthyme]

Okay y'all made the mistake of encouraging me so here's my headcanons and some ocs for Heartslabyul!

Sorry for how small it is but format-wise, I'll discuss the dorm leader, then canon characters in descending year order, then ocs in descending year order.

Also, decided to make the school co-ed because 🌸 girls pretty 🌸! And safer for Yuu. Additionally, as a general rule of thumb, if a character is the same gender as the og reference, I tend to make them transgender in some way.

Anyways!

♥��Riddle Rosehearts♥️

(she/her) Transfem - Panromantic and Demisexual

- Firstly, transfem Riddle has my heart so there's that.

- I made her mixed, probably British and Chinese, though I'm open to suggestions cause these are pretty much first drafts.

- From the get-go I wanted her to have hella freckles, idk they're cute.

- Also toned down her og hair, too many damn gingers in this house lol. Gave her grey streaks from her stressful ass childhood.

Next up,

♣️Trey Clover♣️

(he/him) - Bisexual

- I made him black. No particular reason other than his og skin was waaay to pale in contrast to his hair, in my opinion.

- The reason he and Riddle seem so close is 'cause he and Che'nya were the first to know Riddle was trans and he does his best to cover for her.

- Autistic, dental hygiene is a strange special interest but whatever floats his boat.

- Also, he still wears glasses, I was just lazy lol.

Onto

♦️Cater Diamond♦️

(he/they) Transmasc - Pansexual and Demiromantic

- Stayed more or less the same. Gave some lighter blonde streaks for 🌟flavour🌟. You can decide whether those freckles are real or not.

- The first of the Depression Club(tm) characters because I love Cater angst. Wait til you find out my kin list omg.

- If we're talking my college AU, he'd be a cosmology or cosmetology major, whichever the makeup one is idk. He was taught by an older sister (who works at a tattoo shop/piercing parlour) how to do piercings and is the primary piercer on campus. He did Trey's probably Riddles, Adeuce's lip piercings and more characters that'll show up later.

- The one natural ginger left in Heartslabyul (I hunted them to near extinction lmao). Also, transmasc. I think his mom really wanted all girls and was not thrilled about him being trans. Anyways!~

Ah, now for

♥️Ace Trappola♥️

(he/him) - Bisexual

- Made him half Hispanic, half Asian. No particular specifics (again, open to suggestions pls I love hearing others' headcanons). Also got some freckles, I fucking love birthmarks lmao.

- As mentioned, I'm on a crusade against the gingers /jk but I did give him dyed hair. He and Deuce dye their hair together, idk cute date idea tbh.

- Adeuce also got lip piercings together, even though Deuce tried to warn Ace that lip piercing aren't the best first ones, Ace insisted. Cue Deuce having to help take care of Ace's piercing cause he's a dumbass. Can you tell I love them? And their one collective braincell.

- Crippling ADHD, this bitch cannot sit still to focus on anything.

Speaking of Deuce,

♠️Deuce Spade♠️

(he/him) Transmasc - Gay

- He's half-Filipino, half Vietnamese(? Not quite sure yet) and I gave him dyed hair too, obvi.

- Gave him his momma's blonde streaks and some scars from his delinquent day, plus some piercings.

- Couple moles for funsies, and made his eyes brown.

- He is soooo AuDHD, people can fight me on that. On god, he's my son. Also transmasc, his mom is an amazing ally (she's probably bi herself nvm).

Onto my ocs!

🔮Oki Chiang🔮

Third Year - (she/her) - Asexual Aromantic

- So this is my girlie twisted from the Blue Caterpillar. She's not a smoker or anything but I think she's be a total incense and perfume and whatnot girl.

- Spiritualistic and whenever you walk into her room, it smells amazing. If you want a tarot reading, she's your girl.

- Oki's very reserved and tends to keep to herself, often reading or quietly sipping some tea with Riddle as they work.

- She's Taiwanese and also autistic. Her whole wardrobe is blue, so are most of her things and she love nice smells.

Next up is

🎀Luna Madden🎀

Second Year - (she/they/it/whatever, she doesn't care too much) - Bisexual Aromantic

- You'll never guess who she's based on /j. My Mad Hatter character! I didn't have a particular ethnicity in mind for her but she takes heavy inspiration from Harujuku fashion.

- She and Cater have to work together to dye her hair every time it needs touch ups. It's a huge pain in the ass but she likes how it looks and Cater is fine helping.

- Has acne and uses those cute lil star and heart cut-out patches to cover it.

- She LOVES bright colours and has way too much fun prepping for the tea parties. Owns a ton of weird and neat lil earrings that she likes to mix and match.

- Also has ADHD. I feel like that's obvious lol.

Now for

⏳Bunnie Chrona⏳

First Year - (she/her) - Asexual Lesbian

- Twisted from the White Rabbit, and a super creative name I know... I don't have a ton of explanation here other than I thought it would look neat.

- I was super close to giving her all white hair but I didn't want another character with dark skin and light hair (which will be relevant in later designs too) so I gave her a gradient. All natural, by the way.

- She's autistic too and gets extremely anxious whenever she's late or someone else is late (Adeuce constantly give her heart attacks because of this).

- She's also a part of the track and field club!

Last, but certainly not least

💥Ness Benoit💥

First Year - (she/they) Transfem - Bicurious?

- Last girl and she's based on Lock from The Nightmare Before Christmas movie. Spoiler, she is one of three triples, I assigned them to different houses, and they have an older sister based on the Boogeyman.

- I thought it'd be cute to give her little devil horns as a hairstyle and I made her makeup the same as the og characters'.

- It's been a hot second since I've seen this movie so I can't remember much about the kiddos' characterisations but my dad said Lock was the brains of the of operation so she gets book smarts.

- Also, her name is a silly little joke on 'loch-ness' because I was too lazy to try and find something else.

Thank you so much if you read until the end, this was a massive post to make. I'll make my Savanaclaw one tomorrow, hopefully. If I remember lol.

Love you! 🩷🩷🩷

[fappellmoan]

listening to good luck babe in a room with three bisexual girls deemed its own personal circle of hell literally not because i’m biphobic 🙄 but bc the one asked me if she’s still valid after going ‘do u know chappell roan’ like a week after that came out. bitch do i know chappell roan. i was there for the glb release show i post abt her all the time i dressed up as her for halloween don’t play w me and then to be like Yeah that slapssss… but erm… i’m still valid as a bisexual girlie right? no but not for any of the reasons you’re thinking about just because you’re annoying me as fuck and well also you said and i quote “my dating mantra rn is fuck men but i’m scared of women” so you’re just an insecure little pussy and have managed to microaggress me as someone apparently in the community like damn it’s possible to be bitchless and still kinda swag i’m living proof and don’t look too far into that. anyway. and you tried to tell me to think of ur ugly white man as a butch so i could see the attraction oh god like actually kill yourself that’s so disrespectful sorry i’m still there. and while the three of them are varying degrees of chill (one is in a long term relationship with a man and solely attracted to blondes as a blonde) (one probably would have kissed me last night if i didn’t get stupid wasted) we still had to have the like ermmmm… so i’m confused… is billie eilish gay then or? conversation. like girl i don’t well know her exact identity but she’s talking about cherishing eating pussy and dating women so. i think we have a safe bet. there is one aspect to her sexuality that we r certain of rn. so anyway when glb comes on after the billie album it’s basically silent except for me singing to myself to out sing the heinous one (being my la roomie) who does have a music career btw and if i’m feeling bitchy enough later maybe i’ll share the spotify links because they are so god awful and on the first day of meeting her i had to listen to several songs on our living room tv and keep a straight face and be normal and then it happened again when other ppl on the trip came over. so

[moistvonlipwig]

11. Top 5 female characters that I will love till the end of time

For @peachycloudcats.

Honestly there's no way I can truly accurately limit myself to 5 but here are the 5 I'm CURRENTLY in my feelings about the most:

1: Regina Mills from Once Upon a Time is truly everything. Like. She's a horse girl. She's a mass murderer. She's a small-town bureaucrat. She's a tyrannical queen. She's a democratically elected public official. She's an adoptive mother who loves her son more than anything else in the world. She's bisexual. She fucked a dragon. Her best friends in the whole wide world are all people she's tried to kill at least once. She loved her dad and she killed her dad and it haunted her for the rest of her life. She killed her abusive husband and she didn't regret it one bit. She's a petty bitch. She loves doing paperwork. She took revenge on her enemies by cursing them to live in Maine and trapping them in a time loop only she was aware of for 28 years. She got bored of the time loop after a week. Her favorite apples are allegedly Honeycrisps but she is only ever shown handling the Red Delicious variety. She was almost executed for her crimes and when she was asked if she had any regrets she said she just wished she had caused even more pain. One time she wore an outfit that looked like the flayed pelt of a Muppet. Dogs love her. She won an election she didn't even know was happening. She tried to fight a millennia-old embodiment of Mother Nature's wrath with a baseball bat. She has a mysterious scar that is never explained. She's a cobra. She's a mongoose. She's a mongoose killing a cobra. She drives an old-ass Mercedes Benz with no back seats. She got the kind of epic series-spanning redemption arc usually only afforded to white characters & male characters. But most importantly, she IS the moment. And you WILL put some respect on her name!!!

2: UTENA TENJOU defending her on the internet isn't enough I need a fucking sword!!!!! (< can actually wield a fucking sword) (< not an empty threat!!!) To me the essence of Revolutionary Girl Utena's eponymous protagonist and why I love her so much is captured so beautifully when Saionji & Touga (the Misogyny Brothers) tell her that only a fool would believe in true friendship and Utena just says, "Didn't you know? I am a fool." She IS a fool bro!!!!!

3. Kim Wexler from Better Call Saul the woman that you are...she literally bent the narrative to her will because she refused to bend to anyone else's narratives about her. She INVENTED Saul Goodman. She IS Saul Goodman. Can you blame Jimmy for doing All Of That for her? No, you cannot.

4. Did you think I wouldn't put Cordelia Chase from the Buffyverse on this list? C'mon. It's me. Queen C the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history the cheerleader princess warrior saint goddess you will always be famous and you will always be in my heart!!!!!

5. I so badly want to put all the Amphibia girlies on here but with only 5 spaces I gotta go for my nearest and dearest iconic little blonde bitch Sasha Waybright. How many other 13 year old girls have taken over entire toad armies just by the sheer force of their personality? I love her. She has so many things wrong with her and none of them are the things she thinks are wrong with her. Queen. <333

[mizzmellos]

(omg so i’m sending this TWICE because my wifi croaked the VERY second i sent it in the first time so idk if it went through so ignore if you received a similar msg buuut) hiiiii, i’m so happy you kind of like Lawmane/Lmane/LxMisa ??? because it’s always been my fav dn rarepair for me back in the day!!! i’ve always had the biggest soft spot for the potential dysfunctionalness of that ship!!! they are defo gothxgoth bisexuals…. 🥺 ugh, underrated … i just need to gush. also what do you think of fem!mello x misa?? 👀 like that could never work with regular mello, but i was just thinking the other day that THAT COULD be fun too lmao… or perchance fem!mello x halle? 😇 thoughts?!

I totally understand having a DN rarepair (LMello which is. More than a rarepair) LOL it seems like there are a lot more lawmane shippers than there ever have been in the past tho!!! <- has received a very warm and enthusiastic welcome from several of you 🥺💖

The thing is that I could definitely see Mello and Misa getting along -> Mello poses no threat to Misa's man (doesn't want him, Light is straight ofc 😇😍) but fem!Mello... LOL femMello would be like "ugh straight girls I DON'T WANT YOUR MAN BITCH" and Misa would try and claw her eyes out. I'M SORRY MISA IS SO STRAIGHT TO ME IT PAINS ME TO SAY THIS AS A DIEHARD REMMISA AND HALLEMISA GIRLIE BUT. IT'S JUST NOT HAPPENING. I don't remember who pointed this out but she's one of those girls to let another girl eat her out and then say pussy is yucky.

FemMello and Halle definitely had sex but are totally incompatible/both agree that all-blonde couples are scary looking. <- Halle needs someone responsible with only the occasional venture into danger. (Like Naomi <3) like she wants guns in her house to be registered not stolen LOL.

[auroraforrest]

𝐈'𝐌 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐏𝐎𝐏 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐁𝐔𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓

𝖆𝖚𝖗𝖔𝖗𝖆 𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖙: 𝖆𝖓 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

(emily alyn lind, cisfemale, she/her) AURORA FORREST is the newest evergreen eagle! they’re NINETEEN years old from GIRDWOOD, ALASKA joining us at evergreen to study THEATRE. have you heard BUBBLEGUM BITCH by MARINA? it reminds me of them because they’re so SOCIABLE and CREATIVE, but also super CRUEL at times. i hope we catch them around campus soon!

BASIC INFORMATION

full name: Aurora Pippin Forrest

nickname(s): Rory (she doesn’t go by this, but i imagine some friends and family call her it??) & Pippi (her dad)

age: Nineteen

date of birth: July 11th, 2002

hometown: Girdwood, Alaska

current location: San Diego, California

orientation: Bisexual, methinks?

religion: Alexa, play Losing My Religion. Basically, she was a big Christian girly until her teen years and that kinda went out the window and really hasn’t tried to get back into it.

occupation: Waitress @ Octavia

living arrangements: Lives at the Monarch Ave. Apartments with Calliope Fletcher

language(s) spoken: English and high school level Spanish

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

faceclaim: Emily Alyn Lind

hair color: Blonde (Naturally dirty, but she dyes it more platnium)

eye color: Hazel

height: 5′4

FAMILY

father: John Forrest

mother: Jolene Forrest (estranged)

brother: Logan Forrest

PERSONALITY

sun/moon/rising: Cancer/Leo/Aquarius

label: The Baby

goals/desires: Win an Oscar by the time she’s thirty.

likes: acting, getting what she wants, social media, ketchup on nearly every food, journaling because her therapist says it’s good for her, first kisses, neutral colors, red lipstick, guessing people’s zodiac signs, alcohol, broadway musicals, & thumbprint cookies

dislikes: the color orange, extreme clutter (she’s a minimalist girly), beer, reality shows that are obviously scripted, camping (she did enough of it in alaska), dairy products, &action movies

positive traits: Sociable, creative, trendy, flirty, innocent, & charming

negative traits: Ditzy, impulsive, cruel, wild, jealous, & pessimistic

habits: holds grudges a little too much

CHARACTER INSPO

phoebe buffay (friends): phoebe is a ditzy, positive girl who’s had a lot of hardships in her life and is a pretty talented chick! aurora’s in that same boat, except she’s a bit less pessimistic and bitter about her upbringing.

manny santos (degrassi): it’s giving cute sweet girl turned total trainwreck, yanno?

amy march (little women): whiny younger sister </333

BIOGRAPHY

Yes, her actual name is Aurora Pippin Forrest and no two nutjobs didn’t just randomly name her that. Born during the beginning of July, the younger sister of Logan Forrest, both of her parents decided to give her an unconventionally meaningful name. Her mother had always adored the name Aurora after she had watched Sleeping Beauty as a child and when Aurora came out with little tufts of blonde hair and bright big eyes, it just seemed to click. Pippin came from one of her dad’s favorite books slash movies, Lord of the Rings. They were initially going to go with a more feminine name from the series, but Aurora Arwen or Aurora Galadriel just seemed a little too much for them. They even considered a wolf inspired name that went along with Aurora’s dad’s business, but they eventually settled on Pippin.

It was never a name Aurora really enjoyed, it seemed like some cruel fate that she was named after a princess and a Hobbit and that her parents thought that was a cute decision. Her name was just one of the first few things she would be to resent. As she got into school, she tried to make nicknames stick for herself, but they never did. The most she could get was a close friend calling her Rory, but nothing more.

Aurora had grown used to the hot and cold game that her mom would play throughout her childhood and while it wasn’t healthy for a child, it was the only motherly love she ever knew. It was another part of her life that Aurora resented. No one should have to go without an absentee mother, especially a young girl. Secretly, she was glad when her mom never came back. A weight had seemingly been lifted on her shoulders, but it didn’t get better for her. The only family Aurora really had was Logan, her dad, and her uncle. They did their best for Aurora, who naturally gravitated towards feminine hobbies and likes, but there was only so much they could do. Aurora honestly gave up with getting any motherly advice from any of them when she hit puberty and all anyone could direct her to were YouTube videos and books.

While Logan gravitated towards their father’s business and a love for animals, Aurora chose to resent this again. Something about Alaska itself just made her feel trapped in a place where she didn’t feel like she belonged. She spent most of her middle and high school years going out with friends, boys, or staying after school with the drama department. It was during that time that she found something that was hers. Being up on a stage never felt better. Aurora felt like there was no better feeling than playing the role of someone else.

When the time came for applying to college, Aurora chose only out of state schools, and denial after denial kept coming. Really, Aurora wasn’t a bright girl. She had immense talent running through her veins, but her studies didn’t match up with it. Somehow by grace, she was accepted into Monarch’s theatre program and by the time the leaves fell that fall, Aurora was in California.

Even though there was a lot that Aurora resented in Alaska, she never resented her family. Sure, there were things they’d just never understand from her perspective, but she was always the youngest and the only girl, so she was often babied fairly often. The last resentment in her life came when her brother’s daughter, Margot, was born. No longer was Aurora the youngest... or the only girl. She’d never resent Margot, because she loves her niece more than anything, but Aurora has been lashing out and acting far brattier than usual in her own way of jealousy.

pinterest board | spotify playlist

If you want to plot, just like this and I’ll come to you!

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

I Like Boys

A Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Story

Master List

Pairing: Stucky   |  Word Count: 2256  |  Warnings: Language

Based on the Todrick Hall song I Like Boys

A/N: With all the crazy in the world right now, I thought we could all use a little something fun and fluffy. This is my first Pride fic, please be kind as I did my absolute best. Love who you love, people. There’s nothing greater in life.

This fic is for @magellan-88​ who inspires me even when she doesn’t intend to.

***

James Buchanan Barnes was ninety-seven years old when his Hydra programming finally broke. He spent two years running from his best friend, another two in cryo, and five after that apparently blipped into nothing. After the fight - were, somehow, they all came out alive - Bucky decided, fuck it! 

How many times had he almost died? How many chances had he had? How many more would he waste before finally living his best life?

So he retired—sort of. 

There was no such thing as "retiring" when your idiot best friend continued to throw himself out of planes and into the line of fire on a regular basis, but Steve did slow down. He took on a more managerial role, was promoted to "General" for his service, and spent his days sitting on his ass behind a desk. 

Bucky liked him there. He liked having Steve unbruised and unbusted at the end of the day, saunter through the door to their joint living space and holler, "Honey, I'm home!"

It was a joke on the blond's part that was wearing thin, for when Bucky decided to live his best life, he'd begun to do some research about what that meant. Be true to you was a big part of it. But to be true to himself, he had to be honest with himself, and honesty meant admitting he'd been in love with Steven "is this a test" Rogers for most of his natural life. 

Sadly, Steve liked girls. Case in point, one Peggy "gonna bust some balls" Carter. 

Bucky couldn't exactly compete with that. She was one classy dame, and it hurt him to know that Steve would likely never move on. This era and it's dating rituals had thrown Cap for a loop. Women were too forward, and Steve - surprisingly - too shy to dive into the world of casual dates and sex. 

For Bucky, it was different. He liked boys. There, he'd said it, but he still hadn't said it to Steve. Natasha, however, was a different story. She'd grown used to him sighing and pining on her shoulder. She said she hated it - she didn't - but she bitched enough for both of them. 

Then she took him shopping. 

While he was standing in some place called Sephora with miles of makeup and aisle of perfume that kind of made him want to sneeze, he had the shock of his life. All this "girly" crap everywhere, but in the middle of it was a guy? A cute guy. With well-groomed hair and this fabulous winged eyeliner - nothing like his Hydra days - wearing really cute skinny jeans and glitter on his cheeks. 

Enchanted, Bucky left Natasha's side and slowly made his way over. The guy, man, guy he wasn't sure, looked up and flashed him a smile. 

"Help you, honey?"

Bucky blinked. He had fantastic skin. "You're so shiny." A flush immediately reddened his face. 

But Sephora Guy, whose name ended up being Ben, laughed and lightly patted his arm. "Aw, thanks, sweets. You looking for some skin care tips?"

Bucky nodded, unsure what else to do. 

"Honey, you came to the right fella!" 

Ben grabbed his wrist and led him to a chair where he bid Bucky sit. For the next hour, he was educated on everything from moisturizer to foundation to why Ben wore makeup. They talked about hair care, skin care, and what it meant to be "out" with such enthusiasm. Bucky had never spoken so candidly with anyone about his sexuality and found it enlightening. 

He left the shop with five hundred dollars worth of product, a list for the hair salon, and a bunch of links to reputable websites if Bucky had more questions. 

The smug on Natasha said she set him up, but he didn't care. He'd had the best day.

And when everything wound up on the counter in his and Steve's shared bathroom, Steve only arched a brow, smiled, and said nothing. 

Bucky continued to learn, research, and occasionally visit the mall to have coffee with Ben or his partner Matt. They were always kind, never impatient, and easy-going. He'd begun to wonder if they hadn't realized who he was until one day he asked, and they both looked at him with amused smiles. 

"Metal arm, slightly brooding, runs around after a "little punk" but now with a much better skin routine? Honey. Please," Ben snorted.

After, Bucky began to explore and try new things. He cooked, found a love for baking, and especially loved baking for Steve. The man refused to slow down, so it never affected Steve's physique, but Bucky found he was a little bit softer around the middle, his face fuller, his body less hard, and he liked it. 

It was nice not to be combat-ready all the time. Sure he could strap on the black and spend nine hours running down Hydra, that hadn't changed, but he had the smallest pudge of a belly, a soft little roll that he loved. 

Then, out of the blue, Natasha introduced him to roller derby. 

Bucky was thrilled! He'd never seen anything so flashy, showy, violent in all his life that was meant to be fun! Oh, sure he'd watch the wrestling that showed up on TV, but he felt most of that was so phony. This? This was chaos. This was mayhem. 

This was freaking awesome!

And the women were great. They were loud and boisterous, or sweet and shy, but when they put on their gear, they all became demons. Natasha occasionally trained with the group known as Red's Devils, a group of women from difficult circumstances she sponsored during the blip. It gave the ladies an outlet for grief, anger, pain that they wouldn't have had otherwise.

Once they met him, they'd put him in a pair of roller skates and dragged him around the track. Of course, with the serum and his enhanced body, getting his balance and figuring out how to move on wheels was cake, and soon he was skating around the room, learning neat tricks and tips from the women catcalling and laughing along with him

Bucky loved it. 

Finally, after seventy years as a Hydra pawn and all the crap that came afterward, he'd figured it out, found himself, and was happy. The only thing he wasn't satisfied with was Steve. 

It was getting harder and harder to pretend like he didn't tent his pants every time the big dumb blond wandered through the apartment in a towel. Or that "Honey, I'm home!" didn’t make his damn heart flutter. Some days it hurt to look at his stupid beautiful face and not want to kiss it. Or punch it. 

He swore Steve's shirts were getting tighter. Sometimes, it felt like his eyes lingered. 

The shit was messing with his head, dammit!

Then, just as the world was getting it's shit back together, the pandemic happened. Covid 19 struck, and everything stopped. The world stood still, went into lockdown, and Bucky wanted to slam his head on the wall.

He had been going to his first Pride event with Ben and Matt, ready to step outside and be who he was, while those who didn't approve could kiss his lily-white ass. He was going to tell Steve. He was going to stop hiding, conforming, resiting who he was. And it all went to shit thanks to a fucking virus.

He was pissed! It wasn't fair! He'd been so prepared. 

Natasha found him pouting on the couch in the common area of the now mostly empty compound. Anyone who could go home was sent home, leaving them running a skeleton crew of people, and forcing as much separation as possible. 

She flopped down mostly on top of him. "Why so glum, chum?"

"Pride's cancelled," he muttered. 

She snorted. "No, it's not."

He rolled his eyes. "We're under a shelter in place order, Natalia."

"I'm aware, Barnes," she huffed. "But Pride isn't cancelled. Just because you can't strut down the street waving a rainbow flag doesn't stop what this month is about. It's about you, celebrating you, and all the people who came before you who fought, screamed, raged against injustice and in some cases, died to be able to stand up proudly and say I'm gay, I'm bisexual, I'm transgender. You can't go out. That doesn't mean you can't celebrate."

She patted his chest and left him sitting there to think about what she said.

***

The music that pounded through the compound jerked Steve's head up. Reports forgotten, he rose and went to look out his office door, only to gape in shock as Bucky, wearing the shortest, tightest, black shorts he'd ever seen and a cropped top that showed off his cute little belly, rolled by on roller skates. He'd cut his hair not long ago, his interest in styling it a new hobby. Right now, it was fluffed high and held there with wax, looking soft and shiny and pretty as hell. Glitter sparkled on his cheeks, on his lashes, and glossed his lips. 

He smirked as he rolled by, blue eyes amused. "Close your mouth, Rogers."

Steve swallowed thickly and followed Bucky down the hallway. Those shorts should be illegal. The top wasn't much better. The cropped top was blue, sleeveless, showing off defined muscles and metal arm. His skin freaking glowed against the blue. 

It was seriously unfair how hot his best friend was, and Steve thanked his lucky stars he'd worn sweats and underwear today that helped disguise the tent forming in his pants. 

When Bucky stooped to pick up a big ass rainbow flag, Steve's jaw dropped. He knew what June first represented, how did Bucky?

Like a moth to a flame, Steve followed Bucky into the common room where Bucky was skating in happy circles, singing along to the music. 

"I like boys, I like pecs, like them arms when they flex. Like that print in them sweats. Tell them, girls, "Thank you, next." I like when they text me sexy pics of 'em, like them abs when there's six of 'em. Tell them girls I'm sorry; I like boys, Mama, boys like me."

Steve's jaw dropped. His mind refused to compute what he was hearing. It blue screened, whited out, and returned in time to watch Bucky drop it low and twerk like he'd done it all his life. 

"I like when they shake it, shake it. I like when they grind real slow. I like when they almost naked. Tell dad I'm so homo. Lights off, doors shut. Tall, dark, clean-cut. Thick with a bubble but. Yup, Mama, I like boys."

A sound like a fax machine escaped his throat as Bucky danced, shook his ass, swung his hips, and sent Steve's mind so far into the gutter he wondered if it would ever come out. 

"Bitch, B to the O to the Y to the S, Boys will be boys, and with boys, I'm obsessed. Boys in their gym clothes, boys in a dress, and if boys are a crime, then I'm under arrest. 'Cause I've been boy crazy since the boy scouts. Fuck the closets, let the boys out. Don't be a camel when you are a llama, period. No comma, bring on all the drama. Mama, I like boys, I like pecs, like them arms when they flex. Like that print in them sweats. Tell them girls, "Thank you, next." I like when they text me sexy pics of 'em. Like them abs when there's six of 'em. Tell them girls I'm sorry; I like boys, Mama, boys like me."

The music continued to play, but Bucky rolled away from the window, leaving the flag he'd been carrying behind on the couch when he skated up to Steve and stopped. On the skates, Bucky was inches taller and caused Steve to tilt his head back to look up at him as he had when they were kids. 

"So," Bucky murmured, a blush under the glitter and eyes suddenly shy and uncertain. "I like boys."

Steve's heart clenched. Before he could stop himself or second guess what he was doing, his hand shot out, grabbed the back of Bucky's neck, and dragged his friend down in a kiss that had been pent up for almost a century. 

Bucky squeaked, flailed once, almost rolled away, and finally wrapped his arms around Steve in a near bone-crushing hug. Lips slanted, mouths softened, parted, inhaled, changed the angle and softened. 

Tingles raced through Steve's body as he kissed Bucky, his Bucky, pouring every bit of emotion he felt into it. Then, he nipped his teeth into Bucky's lip and slowly pulled away. 

"I'm bisexual," Steve murmured. "I've known for years."

"You punk-ass piece of shit! Why didn't you say something?" Bucky barked, but Steve noticed he didn't let go. 

"There wasn't time." He gently squeezed Bucky's nape. "And how do you tell your best friend in the whole world you've been in love with him your entire life?"

"Steve…" Bucky whispered, resting their foreheads together. "You're an idiot."

Steve kissed him again because there was no refuting that logic.

***

From the second-floor observation deck, Natasha turned her phone camera from the scene below to her grinning face. The live stream event had hearts and comments blowing up her Instagram. "Happy Pride everyone. If those two old farts can figure it out, anyone can." 

She blew a kiss at the camera and ended the stream.

-The End- 

[polygamyff]

19.

Things change with me so fast, like shit come out of nowhere and now I’m going to New York. I think I can make the scan but Robyn hasn’t once spoken to me, I am being calm about this because honestly Leon has been telling me all. She hasn’t be doing much but work and has been staying at her parents, she is hard headed and it’s killing me. It’s been a week, I am on this jet going to New York, the joys of New York. My dad is legit wanting me to do this interview, my dad is now meeting the Saudi Prince so I don’t need too, the blessing. My sister is on the jet with me, now I can see Malik and slap the back of his head. I’ve got such a nice tan and honestly, Nalah is bad for me. She has got me a fan base on social media, she done nothing but hype me up about trying these websites, I’ll pass on that, I would get my ass in trouble. I am so nervous about this interview, they going to rip my ass to shreds but my dad said everything is dealt with “Honestly, you got these girls saying in my comments, can they be your side bitch? These girls do not care about you being married, not going to lie. You already had girls at you, I just didn’t say anything. Imagine after the interview. Pussy galore” I groaned out “you know who’s pussy I want, quit playing” sitting back in the seat “she ain’t called you once, she mad, mad with you. But I understand and I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, she is a very beautiful girl and she is with you, poor that” kissing my teeth, she ain’t funny.

“So, you need to tell me Robyn’ place. I’m just going to see her, look she is having my niece and that’s our blood. I am doing you a favor here, we can go shopping and I will just explain to her. I mean look at this turn around, you’re going New York now, shit switches up quick. If you really can’t make it then I will step in for the scan. I think me and Robyn need to have some girly talk, about you of course but I’ll hype you up Maurice. She needs to be let into the family a little more, you know?” Nodding my head “can’t believe I’m letting you do this, I swear you better not make her hate me even more. Please buy her something, for me ok? I miss her so much and I’m jealous you are getting to see Robyn. Make sure you say hi to Bonita, the mini one” my sister gave me the stankest look ever “I don’t know what the hell you speaking about, I am just helping you out. She needs to be involved more, slowly bring her into the Davenport lifestyle and I’m the best person to show it” I might regret letting my sister do this but I am so sad, Robyn hasn’t text me or call me and then I won’t do it either “why are you always sad? Stop it, I feel like she needs to be just shown what you do, how you are. I promise I won’t be stupid” I will murder my sister, I really will.

I am leaving my sister to Robyn, she actually offered so who am I to decline such help. Robyn may come to her senses with everything which I am hoping happens, I can only pray that it happens. Malik is about to get a slap from me, I don’t know what he is doing here with the bullshit assistant issue. I told him to get a male and he hasn’t done it but he’s not wrong, women make a good assistant because they do get shit done. Walking up the steps to my hotel in New York “sir” the doorman opened the door for me “morning” yesterday I was just in Dubai, shit changes up for me so quick and now I’m here in New York. It’s always nice to see a busy hotel, this is what I like to see. Busy hotel means money, waving at the receptionist. Her old ass been working here since I was a child, one of the best “Malik? Is he in my office?” I asked her “yes, he’s interviewing someone” I had to laugh, he isn’t doing shit. That nigga done nothing I have told him too and I am still without an assistant. Walking down hall, using my office and shit like he owns the place just because I don’t come here anymore don’t mean I won’t make surprise visits. Knocking on the door before opening, Malik stared at me all wide eyed “sorry about this” who does he think he is, stepping inside “oh wow” looking at the female sat, she got her legs on show, some shirt open too “hi, I’m Maurice” holding my hand out to her “oh wow, hi” she said wow for the second time, shaking her hand “so proceed Malik, pretend I’m not here” I sat down on the spare seat next to the female.

I think I have made everything very awkward, Malik doesn’t know what to say and the girl keeps on messing up on her words which I find hilarious “so Isabella right?” I interrupted the conversation “do you think you will be able to handle my demands? For me to tell you what to do even at nights? Are you able to not fancy me? To keep your hands to yourself because you know, I am married” her face turned bright red “uhm yes, I am not here for anything else. I am always available” Nodding my head “you’re pretty” She is nice, she blushed looking away. Looking over at Malik he is hating me “so anyways, thank you for coming Isabella, that will be all” Malik cut it short, getting up from my seat “nice to meet you Isabella, Malik will be in contact” Shaking her hand, she stared at me in awe and it was crazy, I had her my hand back from her “yeah nice meeting you” Malik said all annoyed, I sat back in the seat. Malik looked at me all annoyed, he put a finger up at me as the door closed “nigga, you a flirt. You got a wife, girlfriend and now you looking for another one?” I snorted laughing “that is just me nigga, step ya game up. I ain’t looking for another girl. Trust me, I have enough on my plate with Robyn” acting like I want another female to drive me crazy, I’m good “you too in love anyways, why are you here” slouching down in the chair “I got a interview here, come to see you. Look at you doing fuck all, I keep on telling you I want a male. You keep bringing pretty women, stop” Malik chuckled “but it’s best that way, males are boring” he needs to get his act together quick.

Malik thinking he is boss, he is funny “so what have you exactly got for me? Have you done anything? Not even an assistant?” This is why I like him being close in regards to all this shit “erm, a few females?” Shaking my head at Malik “good one bro” Malik annoys my life, rubbing my eyes “so you just ignored what I said? Is that it? Please, listen to me. Isabella is a no, please” Malik finds it funny “you just don’t know how to stop flirting, that is you issue” he pointed “I am just that but my heart is with Robyn, I love her and that is it” Malik cooed out “I get that, ok. I will do better” the intercom in my office went off, Malik got ever so scared “Maurice, oh wait. He is walking in” I frowned “boys” I jumped at my dad’ voice, looking behind me. I closed my eyes sighing out seeing Naomi, turning my back rubbing my face “my son” feeling my dad hit my back “hey dad” lifting my head up “I made a quick stop before London, I am sad you didn’t come to Texas though. You not heard?” shaking my head “what is it?” did I do something now “Kellen is doing well, I just though you would like to know he is back in Texas with his wife. Speaking of wife, here is yours” this is so awkward “that is great dad” I smiled at him, I am so annoyed.

My dad has come because I didn’t know I am having the interview today, like now I mean what the hell. Walking behind my dad, Noami behind me. I don’t want this, he is wanting to show we are a unit, a family and I just want to hide. Seeing this big guy “T, my son. Maurice T” who the fuck is this, Mr fucking T “hi” my dad is crazy “it’s a little hectic out there, let’s go to the studio” this is a joke “I am not stepping out, nope not doing it. She can go, why is there paparazzi out there dad? What are you doing? This is not me! The fuck?” I shouted in the middle of the lobby “just walk” this is bullshit and he knows it.

I have been so unwell recently, I had to go off work sick but it doesn’t really affect my sick days because I am pregnant. Pulling the blanket up a little more over me “I am so glad you’re actually back with me, it’s been lonely making food for one person. It was horrible” Leon placed my water on the table “well I am back but ill, I think my mom had enough of me complaining about life” resting my head “well I will look after you friend” Leon touched my forehead “stop it” I chuckled, a knock at the door “who is that? You inviting niggas while I been gone?” I questioned Leon, I just want to watch TV and not be bugged about shit “it was just one guy, he was cute. He was bisexual and he saw your picture because I have a picture of me and you and he was like I would have sex with her, and I was like nigga she is taken and pregnant, I am not having that shit” Leon dragged open the door “you’re actually stupid Leon” I laughed to myself “I will watch it, don’t worry” my eyes bulged out seeing Nalah, my mouth fell open “well hello to you too” she just walked in and Leon looks confused “yes ok, just calm down” she disconnected the call “oh hi Robyn, hope you don’t mind. I came to see you, are you ok?” I am just staring at the fact Maurice’ sister is in my apartment “erm fine” I stuttered a little “can you just change the channel to CNBC, Maurice is going to be on there” Nalah made herself comfortable.

I am trying to get my head wrapped on the fact Nalah is in my apartment and now this “now we have an exclusive interview, Davenport Hotels, once was a hotel in Texas ended up being a popular place for people to go too. They now have just over a thousand hotels around America and Europe, their portfolio is impeccable, the Davenport family name has been a name that took the hotel business by storm, then they young CEO took over, his father well known for opening the tallest hotel building in New York. Which took everything by storm, now his son Maurice Davenport has stepped in” the camera moved “welcome to the studio” my heart melted, look at him. His smile, my baby. I feel emotional now “thank you” look at his overbite gleaming “he still has his blonde hair” I said smiling “he cute, isn’t he!?” Leon spat, I have missed his face so much and he has a tan look at him “he’s such a goof ball” Nalah said “it’s a pleasure to meet you, I have heard of you I mean we all have been and heard of Davenport hotel. To meet the man himself, the man to build a different style because there was a point where it was touch and go?” that interviewer is smiling too much at Maurice “uh yes, before I was given the role. Before my dad said to me, look son. Here are the hotels, do you. It was declining, we had to change it. Straight away, I did that. Shares went up” that bitch needs to stop staring mad hard “you look so disgusted, look at you!” Leon said laughing, I can’t help it because she is staring at my man.

He is doing so well in this interview, I am proud “so what is next for you? The next steps for Davenport Hotels” she asked “we are opening new hotels next year, you will be looking at a new hotel everyday, we are branding with other hotels, I can’t say who with but it will knock any competition. When I mean branding, I mean our name will be on it. We are taking over what we can. Just before the New Year, Dubai. Our first hotel there. We will still have that choice for customer, we don’t just cater to wealth. Customers like that we cater to every need” I really don’t like her, what the fuck is her name now “that sounds promising, am I going to see you on the top ten on Forbes next?” Maurice laughed “possibly, I just take it as it comes” he shrugged “well I do enjoy the fact I always get free wifi, don’t change that” she pointed “would I ever? That is something I would keep” Maurice is doing a fake white laugh, it’s ugly “he is ugly for that laugh” I said “he really is you know” Nalah agreed “what do you want to be known as, what do you think your legacy will be? Is it just hotels or do you want to broaden that?” he does actually look so sexy “real estates, there is a few in New Jersey and some in Texas” he is doing too much, this is why he is busy “that is something you are doing with your wife, she is heir to one of the biggest real estates known to America. Both of you together, that could create something big. You have both been together for a long time now, well five years” Maurice looks so uncomfortable “well I am trying to do this with Davenport, I am trying to be independent with this. When you married, it’s just something on paper” Nalah gasped “but yeah, it’s something she does help me with. We do help each other” all of a sudden I got bored.

“Before that interview he was calling me about Naomi being there but anyways, anyone want a shopping spree. I have Maurice’ card” Leon and I just looked at each other “I am supposed to be ill from work, well I am” I mumbled looking over at her, she is so beautiful. So fresh skinned, stress free and always full of diamonds, she is spoilt “you really got his card?” Leon asked “oh yes I do, I bullied him for it. Treats on me” Leon shrieked out “oh my god, you my favourite, wait. Can I come?” he cheering without knowing “sure, a friend of Robyn’ why not” Leon clapped “let’s go shopping” Leon ran off to his room, a lot is happening right now “I think I should stay here” this is weird “what do you do?” Nalah asked “residency, well I am near my next stage of being a surgeon” Nalah stared at me all wide eyed “oh wow, that is amazing. How did my stupid brother get you, wow. That is so good. But I honestly want you to come, I came here for you” I look terrible “I am not well” making up excuses here “love sick?” Nalah openly said and I couldn’t help but laugh “you’re funny, how come you’re here? I fully expected Maurice, is he in New York?” Nalah nodded her head “it’s weird, like it can change so quick. We was in Dubai yesterday and now I am here. I came because I want to get to know the woman that has made my brother look like a lost puppy in Dubai, and the woman that is going to be the mother to my niece. It’s time you know us more and for me to get to know you” this sounds like a lot of talking, I didn’t expect this at all and I am in shock.

[shatteringzimmermann]

hello yes hi i got bored here’s part one

Shitty found him leaning heavily on the kitchen sink, the coffee pot beside him gurgling quietly.

"You okay?"

Jack glanced over his shoulder at his roommate. "Had another weird dream," he said. "I was-" he waved his hand in front of his face and he turned to lean against the sink. His eyes were shadowed and bloodshot.  "-blind. Stumbled around for what felt like hours, bumping into shit and nearly breaking my ankle falling off what must have been a curb or a rock." He cursed quietly. "There were other people there too, loads by the sound of all the voices. All blind and bitching about it."

Shitty hopped onto the island counter. His ass was a little closer to the corner than he had intended, but Jack's reoccurring-but-not-exactly-the-same dreams had been happening for months.

"And remember how I had that dream where everything was black and white until I met someone and then everything was in color?"

Shitty nodded. That was three months ago, and not even the first dream Jack had told him about.

"It was the same idea, but I guess I bumped into the right person and suddenly I could see." Jack frowned. "There was a lot of trash littered all over the place.” The crease between his eyebrows deepened. "I was wearing mismatched sneakers."

"Brah," Shitty said. "But what did they look like? Did you see them this time?"

The coffee pot chirped and Jack pulled two mugs from the cabinet. "No, but I'm starting to think it's a man," he said.

"Any reason why you might think that?"

Jack handed Shitty his Harvard Law mug and wrapped his fingers around his own Falconers one. "Just a feeling."

"Is this a...good feeling?"

Jack's right eyebrow rose.

"You know what I mean, man."

Jack hummed. "Yes, Shitty. It's cool that this mysterious person who may or may not be real but that I keep dreaming about may be male. I’m well aware I haven’t publically dated someone of any gender in years but I’m still okay with this dream person being a dude."

"Asshole."

 It made Jack smile and when he glanced out the window over the sink again he saw a flash of honey blonde hair before it disappeared in the rush of the morning commute sidewalk below.

 "Tell you what," Shitty said. "Start writing this shit down and I'll have my girlfriend paint you a book of these bizarre-ass dreams."

 "Girlfriend? When did that happen?"

 "Get that shit-eating grin off your beautiful face. It's the girl I told you about weeks ago."

 Jack hid his smile behind another sip of coffee. "Eh. She needs to pass the bathroom test."

 Shitty's mustache dipped into his light coffee, leaving the hairs looking like a paintbrush dipped in dirty water from a too-much-white canvas. "The fuckin what?"

 "Bathroom test. Marty told me he started doing it with his girlfriends over the years and his wife was one of the few who passed."

 Shitty frowned. "This isn't some sexist shit is it?"

 Jack shook his head. "When she comes over for a long weekend, how much of her girly crap takes over your bathroom?"

 "Literally none of that matters," Shitty protested. "She can do whatever she wants to feel good about herself. Why even do something this stupid anyway?"

 Jack rinsed his empty cup and tucked it into the top shelf of the dishwasher. "You're right, overall it doesn't matter. But you're not the kind of guy who wants a super high maintenance chick making him late all the time cause she’s still getting ready. You're more of a 'sorry we're late, we got stoned and were halfway through a box of donut holes before we realized the time.'"

 It made Shitty chuckle, but he shook his head. "While that last part may be true, I don't give two shits if she wants to use fruity body wash or wear makeup."

 Jack shrugged. "It's not a pass/fail text, eh? Just something to notice."

 Shitty hummed before pouring himself another mug. He’d decided, way back in high school, that relationship tests were stupid. A decade and a degree-and-a-half later, he hadn’t changed his mind. Jack, sweet, stupid Jack, hadn’t sat through entire semesters of Women’s Gender and Sexuality classes. Maybe there was a book Shitty could get Jack, maybe something comparing women’s rights from the American Revolution to modern day. It wouldn’t be as educational as having to sit through many classmates’ personal stories that still clung to his mind and changed the way he treated everyone around him, but maybe it would open the door for more conversation.

   It was barely a week later when the next dream happened. Two days after that, another. Then another and another and- Matching birthmarks, coincidentally identical tattoos, first words memorized by longing hearts. Palms that warmed when held by a soulmate.

 The dreams didn't bother Jack, per se, but the way he felt after was enough to pull him from bed and turn on the bathroom light. Dark shadows had been lining his eyes for most of his life but these dreams made it harder to pretend they weren’t there. It wasn’t sleeplessness that caused the shadows, either; Jack had always been too close with the ache in his chest. Sometimes he could keep it at an arms-length away. Sometimes it grabbed him by the waist and held him tight no matter how much Jack fought.

 Jack sat up, sheets falling to his waist, and buried his face in his hands. Breathing deeply for a few moments, Jack focused on the things he could feel and hear to ground himself in reality. He switched on the light when he finished. A history book titled 1776 sat on his nightstand and Jack pulled it off, opening it to his marked chapter.  

 The words blurred after a few pages. He sighed, pressing his thumb and forefinger into his eyelids.

 He was Jack Zimmermann, the first out bisexual NHL player. He’d never had to go a day without food or shelter and had gone to the most expensive rehabilitation center in Montreal after his accidental overdose. His parents ended each twice-weekly phone call with a we love you and we are so proud of you. And Shitty, who ran into Jack in a bar bathroom after a Falconers win talking himself through the beginnings of a panic attack, had quickly turned into his best friend. He was a good roommate too, prompt with the meager rent Jack charged and ready for a snuggle when Jack’s anxiety climbed to a suffocating level. Jack could hear him snoring from across the condo; the noise had been one of the things he’d used to center himself in the now.

 Jack dropped his book back on the nightstand, tossing his bookmark on the cover and turning off the light before turning away. He grabbed the extra pillow from the other side of the bed. He hugged it against his bare chest, squeezing tightly until his lungs reminded him to exhale. The cool fabric sent a ripple of goosebumps down his back and arms. Pulling the covers over his shoulder helped, but that coldness had settled into his chest a long time ago and no amount of distant lovers, platonic snuggles, and proud parents had ever been able to warm it. They stopped it from getting worse, from every ounce of his insides turning into a deadly winter storm like the ones he weathered inside a warm home, but sometimes…sometimes his feet were too numb to walk toward the laughing brunette at the cookout Marty had over the summer and his fingers were frostbitten when he thought about reaching out to the tan-skinned man with the sweet smile at the last Pride Parade.

 The morning summer sun found Jack wearing thick sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt, eyes open and body shivering underneath enough blankets to melt ice.

 When he finally emerged from his room, still wrapped in one of the blankets, Shitty poured him a coffee and slid it across the island.

 “What was it this time?”

 Jack held the too-hot mug between his palms. “No dream,” he said.

 Shitty’s eyebrows rose as they drank in silence.

 “My last class is over at 12:30 and I could be back by 1:15,” his friend offered.

 “I thought you were hanging out with your girlfriend?”

 He spread his arms wide. “Brah. You come first.”

 “Bros before hoes?”

 “Yes, that’s right, brothers should always come before gardening tools.” It was a familiar banter. Jack’s shoulders lowered a few inches.

 “Hang out with your girl. I have meetings all day anyway.”

 It wasn’t a lie. He just had an hour and a half between his three meetings. Maybe he could manage a nap in the team room after morning skate.

 His skin prickled the second he locked the condo door, body unhappy with the lack of thick clothing in the hallway air conditioning. The few minutes he spent getting into his car and then out of it again at the rink was the only time he felt relatively warm.

 Jack’s teammates were familiar enough with his not-very-god days that no one bugged him about his sloppiness on the ice. He showered and changed quickly after Coach called the end of practice. His first meeting was with some journalists from Samwell, the college his mother went to. If he’d gone to college, Jack imagined he would have gone there. A couple of their guys had been drafted in recent years so clearly they were of elite caliber. Johnson and Oluransi, if he remembered right.

 The journalism students were nice; professional and understandably nervous. Jack made sure to chat with them for a few minutes before the interview started. Idle chit chat to get them used to him, to the way he spoke, to get over the fact that on my god that’s Jack Zimmermann. Their questions were ranged: everything from how he managed to still be drafted six years ago despite missing a full year of competition, to the charity he started in Providence.

“So much of my life has been obsessed with hockey. I wanted to create something that had nothing to do with it. This Colorful Home is about finding safe, long-term foster families for queer youth. No one deserves to become homeless or forced into unhealthy and dangerous living conditions because of their orientation or identity. I was raised by amazing and supportive parents who love me, not despite my mental health issues or my sexuality, but including them. They are the majority of why I'm still alive today. And-and the thought of children not having the same support system because of who they are-” He shook his head. “It's unacceptable.”

The students were all leaning back in their seats, faces paler than earlier. Jack huffed a quiet laugh. After a silence that had Jack reaching seven before anyone spoke again, there were a few more questions until the students were finished. He made sure to take photos and pass out signed t-shirts.

 When they left Jack retreated to the team room. There was no one else around to notice when he stopped hiding the way his hands shook. No one saw him go through his grounding routine or press the heels of his palms in his eyes. He'd gotten good at making people believe his anxiety was well-controlled and easy to live with. It's part of why he almost always agreed to interviews; the more normalized he can make bisexuality, the more people will realize he’s not a walking petri dish of STIs. The more normalized he can make anxiety, the less it will involve silent, life-long struggles. Maybe he could keep someone else from overdosing, someone who doesn’t have a teammate to find them before it was too late.

He was back to his media-ready façade for his next interview. It’s with a reporter from the local newspaper, an older woman Jack respected more than most people who got one-on-ones with him. Her questions always required more than the blanket “Well, we need to get the puck in the net” kind of responses. She never looked annoyed when he took too long to respond. Hopefully she wasn’t just pretending to be fine with it but calling him an idiot in her head.

Jack didn’t tremble as much after this interview, but it’s easier to handle a smaller chat than one with a bunch of people he didn’t know. There was still no chance of a nap. He sat on the overstuffed couch again, lights off, and did enough deep breathing that he got lightheaded.

His last interview was to brainstorm ideas for his upcoming You Can Play campaign. A few other guys in the league were out – Oluransi being one of them – and Jack wanted to do something with all of them. For starters, they’d all been using pride tape for every game. The tape company had even started making more color pairings for more sexualities.

That’s where Jack had gotten the idea for the name of his charity. Most non-LGBTQIA people didn’t realize the amount of colorful flags made for specific orientations. Jack had googled them and scrolled through for nearly two hours, reading the descriptions and history of all of them. So many colors, so many people, choosing to celebrate themselves. Jack had bought a bisexual one immediately.

His sticks were always wrapped in the blue, purple, and pink tape made especially for him. Trilman, a forward on the Schooners, used it too. Oluransi used the rainbow as did four other players. The Devils’ goalie used a black, purple, and white tape for asexuality.

By the time Jack dumped himself into his car a lose plan had been formed: This summer, post-Cup, all the out players would go on a US and Canada tour to speak to youth teams. Jack wasn’t sure how much it would help, to speak out against homophobia, transphobia, and racism in sports, but he had a list of colleges and junior teams to call over the next few weeks. It was a start.

Shitty found him less than an hour later, curled up on the couch in the blanket Jack had left there that morning. Jack wasn’t asleep – far from it- and his eyes ached as Shitty wrapped himself around Jack. He smelled faintly of weed and hot wings and cheap beer. When Jack could finally feel enough of himself to speak again his voice was hoarse.

“How as your date?”

“Fun. You’ll like her. She’s cool as hell.”

“Hell is hot.”

Shitty patted his cheek with a condescending touch. “It’s a good thing you’ve got that wonderful hockey ass,” he said, smiling.

Jack hummed, wishing he could rub his eyes but Shitty was latched on too tightly. “I think my baby cup pictures negate any attractiveness.”

After a pause Shitty rearranged himself so he straddled Jack’s lap, weight carefully held off of the knee that had been plaguing Jack for several years. Holding Jack’s face in his hands, Shitty told him, softly but firmly, “Everyone is embarrassed by shit they did as a kid. Your brain likes to remind you about it more than the non-mentally-ill person’s brain, yes, but what you did as a baby- or even something you did last week- doesn’t detract from your attractiveness.”

Jack opened his mouth to protest but Shitty continued. “Brah, you didn’t kill anyone or steal candy from any babies. And while we are definitely going to have a talk about that stupid bathroom test you’re not any less attractive or less worthy of love because of the struggles you’ve gone through.”

He felt the immediate tension in Jack’s jaw. “You’re my best friend, and nothing is going to change that.”

Jack had to pull his face away. Shitty pressed his hands on Jack’s shoulders instead. The pressure was enough for Shitty to feel the way his friend’s heart was pounding in his chest. Jack’s expression wasn’t one he recognized though; years of friendship and all he could tell was that Jack’s heart was breaking, and he didn’t know why.

“Brah,” he said, squeezing his hands gently. “You can talk to me about anything.”

Jack kept his mouth firmly shut but nodded. His gaze was hard, directed over Shitty’s shoulder. The only thing for him to stare at there was a blank section of the wall. Maybe he would put his next photo print there.

Twenty minutes later Shitty was sitting beside Jack, watching Netflix with Shitty’s legs draped over Jack’s lap. The blanket was spread over them, jostling every time Shitty laughed.

Jack was asleep before the end of the third episode.

[spageddiekaspbrak]

The Perks of Being A New Kid

Summary; Ben Hanscom was lucky enough to find himself welcomed into the losers’ club before his first day of school is even over. The one problem is Bill Denbrough, star baseball player and certified fuckboy. And The Bowers’ Gang. And gym class. Maybe there's more than one problem. 

Word Count; 2019

AN; I fucking love fuckboy bill and I fucking love denscom. And steddie and British Richie. Don't even get me started on Ben having a southern accent. Anyways hope y'all like it, I worked pretty damn hard on it 

Masterlist

“Aw fuck! Jesus Christ, fucking hell.” Ben recognized the British accent from earlier. It was Richie Tozier, a tall and lanky boy who had moved to Derry from Manchester, England three years ago and knew how it felt to be a new kid with an unusual accent. Ben had been touring the school with Stanley Uris, the student guide the office had assigned to him, when Richie has appeared out of nowhere and started a friendly sort of fight, the sort of fight Ben figured best friends often had with each other. Richie seemed nice enough, despite his punk clothing and how loud and trashmouthed he was. He had, after all, picked Ben fourth with a kind grin on his face, after Stan, a tall black boy named Mike, a redheaded girl named Bev.

A shrill whistle sounded and the dodgeball game stopped, everyone frozen except for Richie and his friends. A small boy sprung up from his seat on the bleachers and nearly sprinted over to Richie who was laying on the ground, a hand clutched to his bleeding nose. “This is why we aren't supposed to play dodgeball, Coach Ganley! People get hurt every single time! No wonder my mom makes me sit out! If I had gotten hurt, she'd be getting your ass fired.” The boy’s face was red through his freckles as he dug through his fanny pack, pulling out a cotton pad and shoving it up against Richie’s nose.

“Language, Kaspbrak!” Coach Ganley scolded before stepping in between the two teams, looking at the one opposite to Richie’s. “Who threw it?” Most eyes went to a tall, handsome, and toned boy who had his arms crossed. His shirt was snug around his biceps and he had a snapback set backwards on his head.

Before the gym teacher could get out a word, the boy from earlier spoke up. “Who do you think, Coach? William ‘gets away with everything because he's a star baseball player” Denbrough. Who else would it be?”

The kid now known to Ben as William smirked, sending a wink in the angry kid’s direction. “I get away with thuh-things for a very different reason, s-swe-e-sweetheart, I think you kn-know why. F-From those, uh, about four months we were suh-sleeping together?”

“Shut up, Denbrough! Back off my boyfriend!” Stan piped up, drawing himself to his full height and glowering at the other boy. The kids from earlier, Mike and Bev, stepped over, grabbing Stan’s shoulders. Ben was slightly offended Stan hadn’t mentioned he was dating someone, but figured Stan had assume from his southern accent that he was against gay people, most people did. He wasn’t though, for the record.

Ben felt like he had whiplash from looking from William, to Richie and the angry kid, Stan and his captors, and Coach Ganley who had a unhappy but amused smile on his face.

Before anyone else could say a word, the bell rang. Eddie pulled Richie up and dragged him towards the locker room. Stan and Mike followed suit, Mike gesturing for Ben to follow them. Bev split off, not before whispering something in a low voice to Mike and waving at Ben sweetly. His face reddened and he followed after Mike like a lost puppy.

The five boys grabbed their things and holed themselves up in the bathroom, Mike pushing the large door shut behind them and locking it. Richie hopped up onto one of the sinks, pulling the red stained cotton away from his already swollen nose. Eddie was already attacking him with wet paper towels, dabbing at the dried blood and the fresh blood that was joining it.

Stan was the first to start talking. “Mike, Eddie, you guys know how I told you I was gonna be the new kid’s student guide,” he didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “This is Ben Hanscom, he moved here from Tennessee. Ben, you’ve met Richie, but this is Mike Hanlon and Eddie Kaspbrak.” There was a moment of cautious silence. “Eddie is my boyfriend.”

Ben smiled shyly, reaching to shake the hand Mike had extended to him. “It’s nice to meet y’all. Sorry it had to be on such bad terms.”

“Not your god damn fault Bill Denbrough is the worst fucking person on the planet.” Eddie sponged at Richie’s nose a little too hard and Richie hissed, snatching the paper towel away and tending to his nose himself.

Stan grabbed Eddie’s elbow gently, pulling Eddie towards himself and looking down at Eddie with a soft smile. Eddie’s face and body immediately relaxed as the two gave each other heart eyes. Ben had to resist gushing and cooing over how cute the two were. “I gotta ask, is it William or Bill?”

“Bill. Everyone calls him Bill, but his full name is William.” There was a moment of silence. “He and Eddie have….history. He’s kinda the worst. Total asshole.” Mike finally released Ben’s hand and gave him a half smile, plus a shrug.

“Stay away from him Benjamin, stay far far away.” Eddie warned, the left side of his face pressed against Stan’s chest as Stan rocked them from side to side gently.

“Yes sir.” Ben gave a little salute to Eddie and Richie snorted.

“I like you Benny, welcome to the losers’ club.” Richie got down from the sink, his nose finally done bleeding even though it was still large and a little purple.

“What?”

“The losers’ club. It’s what we call ourselves. Me, Bev, Eds, Mikey, and Stanny.” Richie pulled off his gym shirt and shorts. Ben snapped his eyes shut, face brightening at seeing Richie in his boxers, even if it was for a second. “And now you. So welcome.”

“Thanks,” Ben squeaked, feeling like his face was on fire. He could hear everyone else changing, but he stayed still and kept his eyes shut. At his old school, they hadn't been forced to change for gym. Ben wasn't one to complain, but these gym uniforms were uncomfortable and small and were an unflattering red against his yellow hair.

After a few minutes of silence, just the soft rustling of clothing and zippers being unzipped and zipped again, a hand tapped his shoulder. “You're good, Ben.” It was Mike’s voice. Ben liked Mike and sure hoped Mike wouldn't worry that he was a bigot or anything bad. He open his eyes, face still hot as he blinked away the blurriness.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, fixing his eyes on the tiles. He tapped his foot four times, pausing only to tap it four more times, then continuing the pattern.

“Do you want us to…,” Eddie’s voice trailed off. Ben nodded and kept his eyes downcast as the other four boys trickled one by one out of the bathroom. Mike squeezed Ben’s shoulder on the way out, pulling the door shut as he ended the parade leaving the bathroom. Immediately a weight fell off his chest, he didn't want to change in front of his new friends, nor anyone else.

Three lengthy and boring periods later, Ben was sitting around a lunch table with the rest of the “losers’ club” as Richie had called it earlier. He really liked these kids and was glad to already have found his niche in Derry. He was sandwiched between Bev and Eddie, Stan on the other side of Eddie, Richie next to Stan, Mike next to Richie, and back to Bev again. Not that Ben would admit it, but this was the biggest group of friends he had ever been in. Well, he hadn’t really had more than two friends before.

It seemed like Mike and Bev were dating, or at least talking, to Ben. Mike had an arm slung over the back of Bev’s chair, eating chips with his free hand as he smiled down at whatever she was doing on her phone. Ben could see Stan and Eddie’s knees pressed together on his other side and he blushed a little, feeling strange and boxed in. Richie flashed Ben a giant smile, stuffing a handful of Mike’s chips in his mouth.

“Don’t worry, I’m forever alone too, my darling Benny Boy. We’ll find your sweetcheeked self a pretty girly,” Richie spewed little bits of wet chips as he spoke, still chewing in between words. Everyone gave him a disgusted look as he leaned across the circular table, pinching Ben on his cheek.

“It’s uh..,” Ben coughed shyly after Richie let go of his face, “I don’t...you know…I kinda don’t swing that way?”

“Welcome to the club,” mumbled each and everyone of the losers. Ben did a double take and opened his mouth to speak before Richie cut him off.

“I put the bi back in little bitch, Mikey and Mrs. Marsh are fellow bisexuals, and the spaghetti man-“

“It’s Eddie, god damn it!”

“Stan and Eddie are gay obviously.” Richie and Eddie sent venomous looks to each other. Richie broke first, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue and Eddie giggled at that.

Ben tried not to notice the protective gesture of Stan putting his hand on Eddie’s knee and squeezing it. Stan’s hand barely lasted a second before Eddie was batting it away, still smiling casually although his body had tensed up.

All of a sudden, a tall boy with a blonde mullet was behind Eddie. He licked his hand and slapped it down on Eddie’s neck with an evil smirk playing on his lips. Eddie jumped to his feet, hands held up in the air like jazz hands as they trembled. His eyes were scrunched shut as Stan hurried to unzip his fanny pack and grab out some hand sanitizer.

As Stan rubbed the sanitizer into the back of Eddie’s neck, the kid scanned Ben up and down. “Fat, Pac Man shirt, baby face, fairy hair, hmph, you’ll fit right in here at the twink table.”

Richie was on his feet, reaching out as if he was going to throttle the kid. “I’m gonna fucking kill you, Henry Bowers. You absolute fucking twat!” Mike grabbed Richie by the back of his waistband and pulled the british boy back into his seat.

Henry gave all of the losers a shiteating grin before strolling away. Eddie and Stan moved too, presumably to the bathroom. Ben knew not to ask about it and stared at the salad his mom had absently shoved into his hands that morning.

“So! Has anyone invited Ben to Star Wars night tonight?” Bev asked, straightening up in her seat. Mike’s arm was no longer resting on the chair and her phone was face down on the table. It was clear she was trying to lighten the mood and ask as a distraction.

“No not yet, Mrs. Marsh, but now we have to!” Richie clucked his tongue, obviously joking when he shook his head and gave Bev a dismayed look. Richie scooted over into the chair that Eddie had previously occupied, slinging his arm around Ben’s shoulders and pressing a wet and joking kiss to Ben’s cheek. As gross as it was, Ben felt good about the kiss on the cheek. It made him feel warm inside. Not because he liked Richie, but because he hadn’t even been at this new school for an entire week yet and he had already been accepted into a new group. Not only accepted but he had been invited to a group hang out. “It’s at 7, the big red house on the corner of Turner and Pine. Lemme think of a landmark….if you go to Jerry’s Hard Liquor, it’s three blocks down then a left, all the way down and to the right. Stanny and his mommy just moved in with his stepdad.”

“We basically eat a pizza dinner with other snacks and soda, Star Wars music playing in the background. And then we usually do some trivia or a themed board game. Then a marathon, but only the first three movies. They’re the only good ones obviously.” Mike’s arm was back to its normal spot on Bev’s chair.

“It’s so much fun. You’ll love it, Ben.”

Tag List

@groovy-wyatt @kanewsies @themysteriousworldofvia @wyatt-ohheleft @missingstanleyuris

[artificialqueens]

Sk8er Girl CH2 (Trixya)- Squeaky Pink

Trixya!HS AU. Trixie is a nerdy, girly girl with bows and frills. Katya is a skater chick with scuffed knees and a  Flazéda attitude. When they’re assigned as lab partners, can they discover chemistry together?

Or: She was a sk8er girl. She said see you later girl. She wasn’t good enough for her (or was she?).

[AN: Pink Shrooms aka Squeaky Pink. We’re writing this together but alternating chapters and POVs. Pinky is Trixie’s POV and Squeaky is Katya’s POV. We wanted to write the ending of this chapter based on the actual experience of a friend. The goal was to emulate life it its honest, messy way.]

PLAYING HOOKY

“You have to stop crashing at our place,” Alaska snaps as she throws open the curtains of the trailer. Katya groans and rubs her eyes. Ugh, she can still taste last night’s booze.

“But I thought you liked it when I warmed your couch? Doesn’t it get lonely without me?” Katya yawns as she grabs some cereal from the drawer. Sharon Needles greets her with the middle finger as she comes out of the bedroom in a leather studded jacket.

“Nah, bitch. ‘Lasky and I like to fuck without you a fart’s distance away, listening to our every creak.”

“I’ll close my ears next time.”

“Girl, you live right next to the skate park. So why are you constantly come crawling over to this dumpster?”

“The scenic view,” Katya says and gestures out the window to the pile of rubber tires. Willam zooms past them. Then the whirlwind of a girl kicks open the door, cracks open a can of beer from the fridge, and raises her eyebrows at the three of them.

“So we gonna skate or you blonde fucks too busy finger-popping each others’ assholes?”

“You’re blonde too,” Alaska points out.

“That’s bottle-blonde,” Willam burps. “AKA the dick sucking brand of blonde. Y’all be the lesbian variety.”

“I’m bisexual, bitch,” Katya says, flicking Willam on the forehead and stealing her drink. It’s too early to be drinking, especially on a Wednesday, but it’s not the worst decision she has made this week.

She sighs in relief as the LA sun warms her back, the wind whips her hair, and wheels happily hum against the concrete. Katya’s still a little sore from her fall a couple of days ago, but it’s nothing an early morning spin can’t soothe.

They practice new tricks. Willam finds a new trick and sneaks off into the bushes with him. Alaska tries to ride on Sharon’s back, but they end up collapsing on top of each other, laughing like idiots. Katya smiles up at the blue sky. In the distance, she sees the yellow school bus chugging by, and her easy smile falls away.

“Aw, shit, gotta get my ass to math class before princi-PAL Ru-PAL suspends me,” Willam says and snaps her fingers. “Again.”

“I’m just gonna stay here,” Katya mumbles as her friends grab their backpacks.

Alaska throws a friendly hand over her shoulder: “Can I assssk you a question?”

“Yeah?”

“How are you going to graduate if you don’t show up? I’m surprised that you, pardon the expression, have the balls to skip so much school with that Barbie doll as your lab partner.”

Katya rubs her fingers over the bandaid. She bites her lip as she remembers how gently Trixie had applied it. Sure, Trixie had come off as a bitch during class, but Katya also saw a softer side to her that afternoon. Fuck, then those stupid tampons and Katya had run away…

They’d made Katya anxious. Her? Anxious? Groundbreaking. She wasn’t ready to come out to Trixie as trans. Although she definitely liked Trixie, they just weren’t that close. Trixie was an out and proud lesbian…so maybe being a part of the LGBT community she’d be more understanding? Katya shook her head; she didn’t want to risk it. It’s none of Trixie’s business, anyway.   

She sighs: Why bother, ‘Lasky? My brain’s full of small mice that run and run, but they’re going nowhere. You think my mouse-run brain’s gonna get me to college? Nah, fuck school knowledge. I should just take the GED exam so I can spend more time practicing my skating for competitions.“

Alaska squeezes her shoulder, but Willam gives the back of Katya’s helmet a firm smack.

“Now listen. Stop being stupid, stupid! Teachers want you to graduate, so they don’t gotta deal with yo ass. So just show up and show tits. Unless you have Michelle Visage, then wear a turtleneck. I’m saying this cause I love you, and I don’t want to see you sellin’ that ass on the side of road for a quarter when you’re worth a million bucks. Go to school. Get a diploma. Maybe get head from a hottie. And get the fuck over yourself.”

Katya laughs even as she shakes her head. God, why are her friends so amazing? Even though she’d rather spend the rest of the day here, perfecting her moves at the park, Katya goes with them to school.

Choices.

——

BACK TO SCHOOL (AGAIN)

First period is gym, and Katya’s secretly glad to trade in her helmet for a badminton racket. Coach Santino gives her a nod and tosses her a birdie. Most students think he’s a creep ever since that rumor that he took Violet Chachki to Red Lobster and ate her out, but he seems ok. Well, at least he doesn’t have a dildo wedged up his ass like Ms. Del Rio.

Katya plays a game with Alaska. Their shots fail to go over the net, but they’re giggling anyways. Gym has always been her favorite period. Besides lunch and study hall.

RIIIIIIIIIIIING.

Katya slumps into the back of English class, and they’re reading -surprise!- Shakespeare. More like Shakesqueer, Katya mouths to Sharon Needles. They fist bump. It’s Romeo and Juliet, and everyone groans except for this one girl with grey hair, Max, who’s a little too excited to do assigned reading. Oh, wait, she’s a theater kid, so of course she diddles herself to The Bard.

“It’s the most romantic play of all time! I can feel every line in my bosom,” Max sighs.

Bosom? Suuuure. Katya zones out and looks up a Sparknotes summary on her phone. Romeo is super in love with this Rosaline girl one day and then Juliet the next day? Wow, true love. Katya’s seen this exact drama played out behind the skate park bushes at least twice a week featuring less death and more herpes.

“Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs,” Max reads with a pathetic sigh. Katya wants to stab her eye with her pencil.

Katya is relieved when English class finishes. “If I have to listen to that British girl jerking off to Romeo’s monologues for the rest of this week…I don’t think I’m coming back,” Katya groans as they walk out back to the dumpster. She lights up Sharon’s cigarette and then her own.

“Love is bullshit,” Sharon agrees as Alaska arrives; she offers the younger girl a puff.  

“You have a girlfriend though.”

“Nah, I gotta friend, who likes to fuck. Big difference. Romeo just wanted to stick it in, so he had to get married to do it to please the patriarchy. Worst thing that happened to us gays was when we started getting gay-married.”

“Are you sure?” Katya rolls her eyes. “Are you sure that’s the worst thing that’s happened to us gays in the last hundred years?”

“Ok, maybe not. But love is fake and marriage is an institution.”

Alaska snaps her fingers in agreement and gives Sharon Needles a peck on the cheek. Ugh, for two people who think love is fake, they look like they are going to elope and drive to Las Vegas any day now. They’re that one couple that everyone knows is a thing, but they pretend it’s not as serious as it is. Katya has a That’s-So-Raven moment where she sees their wedding invitations. Gross.

“I mean is capitalism’s corporate dick wedged deep inside our every sacred tradition, including marriage? Yes. Do I still think social equality for the LGBT community is important? Fuck yes.”

Katya and Sharon go back and forth. Katya wishes that school was like this- a real debate. She wishes that it wasn’t always regurgitating the teachers’ opinions for a grade. Then the bell rings and they head inside, but Katya stays to finish. As she deeply inhales the smoke, Katya rubs the Barbie Band-Aid once more. Why hasn’t she taken it off yet?

“Oh, good, look who decided to show up,” Ms. Del Rio deadpans.

“McDonald’s wasn’t hiring,” Katya jokes back as the entire class laughs. Laganja chirps ‘okuuurrr.’ Ms. Del Rio gives Katya a look like drop another test tube and you’ll wish they were hiring.

Katya forgot her lab manual, periodic table, and basically everything at home, so she just slinks down next to Trixie. She hates that her stomach twists up into a knot when the blonde smiles at her. Katya almost forgets how to smile back.

“I scared you off, huh? Sorry…I tend to have that kind effect on people,” Trixie softly whispers as Ms. Del Rio dims the lights.

Katya’s fingers brush against Trixie’s as they reach for their pencils. Katya may not believe in love, but she believes in the way her thighs clench with arousal at the touch. Electric. Trixie’s wearing a strapless dress, which is tight around her breasts, and Katya believes in the way her cock twitches at the sight.

Katya’s glad the lights are low enough to hide her heated face. What? She’s eighteen and horny, and Trixie Mattel is the world’s least likely girl to ever sleep with her. All things considered, Katya would do anything to bury her face between those thick thighs. 

She tries to slow her breathing and concentrate on the video about potassium. Nothing like ions to try and take your mind off of your growing erection. Katya shouldn’t have worn denim shorts this tight, but it’s too late to do anything but squirm in her seat with regret and arousal.

Trixie leans in, breath curling against Katya’s ear: “Did the Band-Aid help?”

“Not without the expert care of my favorite Barbie nurse,” Katya says, trying for flirty, but she kind of stumbles at the end and lands closer to awkward. Curse Trixie and her breasts and bows and brains! If only Katya had that many B’s on her report card, her parents might actually want her to come home. Wow, now she’s horny and anxious? An all time low.

“What made you come back to chemistry?”

My asshole friends.

“You,” Katya promises with a wink.

Trixie snorts and rolls her eyes. She’s so frustratingly superior, and Katya should hate her for that. It kind of turns her on though. Katya likes when Trixie sasses her with a single look, and, wow, thoughts like that aren’t helping with the boner situation. It’s hard -pun intended- to think when Trixie’s around.

“Sorry about the tampons.”

Katya flinches. Ok, erection effectively killed.

“Don’t mention it. No, like, please, don’t mention it.”

“I thought it was weird that you ran, but I talked to my friends and…well, Max has a chronically shallow vagina, and she says that tampons won’t fit. So, I don’t know you or your medical history, and if I somehow triggered you, I’m sorry. Really sorry.”

Thinking about Max’s chronically shallow vagina has made Katya very un-hard. Wow, that’s the first time that Katya has ever been thankful someone un-aroused her. Chemistry class has taken a turn for the weird. Just how Katya likes it.

“It’s ok,” she promises. “I promise not to run away from you again, if you help me figure out how to pass this class. Da?”

“Wait…you know Russian?”

“I don’t just know it– I am Russian. I was brought here when I was six, so I don’t have an accent. Why?”

“Because I want to go to college in Russia!” Trixie whispers. “Please help me, and I’ll reach-around to help you.”

Ok, now that just sounds vaguely like a sex act. Courtney twists around at her lab table and gives them both a knowing look.

“Fuck, yeah!”

Wow, that was not her inside voice. That wasn’t even her outside voice. That’s her in-the-basement jerking off to porn voice, and now everyone in the room is staring.

Ms. Del Rio click-clacks over to them, and Katya wants to cower under the lab table. The woman hands them both a slip for lunch detention. Trixie gasps as she’s given the pink slip, holding it like it’s covered in poisonous chemicals. 

“I see that I have a couple of clowns in my class this year, so let me repeat- all foolishness will earn you a detention slip. If you don’t want to behave, get packing.”

Katya doesn’t give a shit, but Trixie buries her face into her hands and doesn’t speak to her for the rest of the period. The lab is so simple even Katya manages to get it. Trixie’s face is blank, but Katya can see the hurt just under the surface. She wishes that she knew how to approach her or what to say. Once more, she’s reminded of what different worlds they come from.

“Hey, so do you still want to tutor-”

“You smell like cigarettes,” Trixie snaps and rushes out of the classroom, pink slip crumpled up in her hand.

Katya usually is the first to bolt after class, but she goes up to Ms. Del Rio instead: “I did everything! I cursed and came in late and- and please don’t punish Trixie for me being an idiot.”

“You were both talking. You both get detention. Next?”

“No! I wasn’t talking to Trixie I, uh, I was…talking to myself?” Katya stammers and it’s ridiculous even for her. “Please, don’t punish Trixie. She’s trying her best and school is so important to her-”

“Then she’ll go to lunch detention. I don’t believe in special treatment, Ms. Zamo. I’ll see you both in an hour,” Ms. Del Rio says, and her word is law. What is this? Prison?

Katya skips social studies to smoke behind the bleachers with Laganja. She rants about science class, omitting her erection, and questions why school is structured like the penal system. Laganja replies with her usual yes, mawma, preach, god.

Katya comes back, reeking even worse of smoke, and sits a lab table away from Trixie. She bought french fries and milk. Part of a balanced diet. Ms. Del Rio silently grades work at the front of the room, but then she leaves half way through to go to the bathroom.

“Pssstt,” Katya faux-whispers. “Sorry. Hey, are we even on the whole running away from each other thing?”

“Sure. It’s fine,” Trixie mutters, tearing her chicken nuggets in half and opening up her chem notes. That’s the least ‘fine’ fine Katya has ever heard. Fuuuuck, trust her to have a crush on the girl who’s in love with her school work. They’re in chemistry class, but this feels like a lesson in subtraction; Katya should just subtract her being from Trixie’s being. Maybe then Trixie wouldn’t look so miserable.

Katya sighs.

What bullshit did Shakespeare write? Love is smokey sighs? Accurate.

Katya wishes that she had asked Alaska and Sharon what to do. They were the most functional dysfunctional couple that she’d ever met. How did they manage it?

Remedial algebra passes in a blur of numbers. Tick tock. Katya wants to jump over the clock and punch Mr. Davis with a sock. That’s the gibberish that she texts Willam at least.

Suck his cock -W

U say that whenever anyone has a problem. Broken heart? Suck. Broken leg? Suck. Broken moral compass? Suck. -K

If it’s broken, sucking a cock will help. 10/10. User tested and reviewed. -W

How about if u…hurt someone’s feelings? -K

Hurt how? Fucked their mother kinda hurt? -W

Like if you accidentally got them into detention? And they don’t have a dick to potentially suck??? -K

Uhhhhhhhh, lick their clit -W

Metaphorically? -K

OK, MAX. -W

Hmm -W

Try ‘sorry’ -W

Tried that -K

Try it again but this time with your face in between her thighs ;) -W

Katya laughs and sends a gif of a burning hot dog because it feels right in this wiener driven context. She remembers when she came out as trans to her, and Willam was legit like ‘damn, you got the best of both worlds, Hannah Montana.’ Willam never failed to make her laugh.

She arrives at ninth period Intro to Psychology feeling like she’s lost ten years off her life. How has so much drama happened? On a Wednesday for fucks sake.

It’s started to lightly drizzle, and Katya jiggles her foot as she watches the rain streak down the window. Good thing she has a baseball bat, water bottle, and umbrella in her locker. It’s an ‘escape kit’ for a potential zombie apocalypse. Huh, guess Katya’s like Trixie in that way, always preparing for the worst.

“Write down five words that describe you and try to connect those different parts of your identities. Which one is most important to you? In this Unit of Psychology we’ll be exploring ourselves…”

Katya can think of a lot of words that describe her perfectly: skater, chronic under achiever, ADD, bisexual, trans, disappointment—

Disappointment. That’s the word that keeps repeating in her head as she doodles a tattoo design on the side of her paper. Her parents would never approve of a hammer and sickle tattoo, but Katya’s stopped living her life for them. She stopped the day she’d come out as trans ten years ago. Katya had already been wearing skirts around the house since she came to America, but, when she turned eight, Katya gave the middle finger to the world.

Now, she’s eighteen, and her middle finger is still firmly in the air. Her mother, Pat, understands, but her father doesn’t- he never did. He looks at her, silent, like she’s a mistake. Fuck. Katya excuses herself to go pee. She can’t think of words when her brain keeps racing around like a mouse from one thought crumb to the next. Katya stays in the bathroom stall longer than necessary, pressing her head into her hands.

By the time the bell rings, the rain is coming down hard. Katya can only see the yellow blur of buses and the distant green of trees. Alaska and Sharon are making out on top of her locker, and she pushes them off. 

“Ay, this is the thanks we get for letting you stay in our humble abode?” Sharon grumbles.

“Please keep all hands and tongues inside your space while near my locker. This is a 'No Slobber Zone.’ Bitch needs to keep dry.”

“Mhm, that’s not what Willam’s been texting,” Alaska says and raises her eyebrow. “Says you want to make someone wet…with apology tears.”

“Willam’s a Willam.”

“And you’re showing all the signs of being in looove. Sighing? Lying? Laganja told Gia who told Alyssa who told me that you begged Ms. Del Rio not to give Trixie Mattel detention. What’s really going on with you and Barbie, huh?”

“Nothing,” Katya lies and flushes. Wow, it’s a good thing she’s a skater and not a poker player. Her red cheeks are a dead give away.

———

LOST KITTEN

The buses have left by the time Katya rolls outside, red umbrella above her. The pavement is slippery, so Katya forces herself to slow down. She can’t go to the skate park, and, after this morning, she can’t go back to the trailer park. Heart sinking, Katya directs herself home.

Just as she’s turning the corner, Katya sees the saddest sight. Trixie is walking without an umbrella. Her bow is soggy. Her Moschino backpack is practically dragging on the ground.

“Need umbrella? Da?” Katya says with a faux-Russian accent.

Trixie pushes a strand of wet hair from her forehead and smiles: “My knight on a shining skateboard.”

Katya jumps off and tucks her board under her arm. Trixie’s hand brushes hers as she reaches up to hold the umbrella. Katya can’t help it when her cheeks heat up. Her? Blushing? Unheard of.

They walk in silence for a bit, and Katya knows that the events of this morning are still weighing heavily between them. Katya wishes she knew how to break through all of Trixie’s many shields, but she’s…so confusing. Somehow, the more confused Trixie makes her, the less Katya can stay away.

Rain, rain, don’t go away, Katya thinks as Trixie’s hip bumps against hers. You just saved this horrid day.

Katya opens her mouth to say that and then closes it. Everything she wants to say sounds dumb compared to how brilliant Trixie is. Everything might mean nothing when Trixie doesn’t know she’s trans. Why can’t she just say that? Just be the usual middle-finger-to-the-world girl that she is at home and with her friends?

Instead, Katya clears her throat. Pathetic. They pass by the town stores, and she wrinkles her nose at the reek of wet dog. There are too many strays in this town.

“Wait. Did you hear that?”

“What?” Katya stops, but there’s nothing but the rush of cars, splashing through puddles, and the roar of motorcycles. In the distance, she can hear the rumble of thunder. Trixie heads towards the dark alleyway, and Katya follows her.

“Look,” Trixie whispers, breathless.

Katya hears the most pathetic ‘meow’ as she leans down to see a cardboard box. On the outside it says ‘Lucky’s Treats,’ but, inside, there’s the most unlucky looking kitten. It sadly mewls as Trixie carefully reaches down.

“A kitten,” Trixie sighs as she hugs it to her breast. The motherly act makes Katya’s heart twist.

Suddenly, Katya can see the girl who fell to her knees to help her at the skate park. Trixie’s eyes are soft and lips parted when she looks up at Katya. How can one girl hide so much beauty?

“My mom is allergic to cats,” Trixie confesses as she looks up at her with pleading eyes.

“Well, I live in the basement cause my parents are allergic to me, so…yeah, come one, let’s sneak this kitty cat in.”

Trixie’s eyes light up, and she gratefully presses a kiss to Katya’s cheek. It might just be a friendly gesture, but Katya’s toes curl in her wet Converse. God, the sight of Trixie with that little kitten snuggled into her big chest is the best thing she’s seen all day. They debate over names before finally settling on ‘Lucky’ because that’s what it said on the side of the box. Besides, the little scrap of fur is lucky to have found them.

“Shhh,” Katya presses a finger to her lips as she slips in through the back door. They’re tracking water everywhere, so it will be obvious. Still, Katya’s main priority is helping Trixie and Lucky.

They give him milk and watch as he happily laps it up. Trixie’s head is in her hands, face still unguarded, as she happily watches. Trixie tells her a story about how she used to sneak into the animal shelter in the town over on Sundays, spend the whole day there, and tell her mom she was at church. Katya laughs; she thinks that she could listen to Trixie all day.

“Your turn,” Trixie says and nudges her knee. They’re pressed up close on the couch now, with their science homework spread out on the table. Fuck, she likes Trixie so much. She needs to be honest with her so that if Trixie pushes her away, it’ll be sooner rather than later. 

“When I was a little kid, I…came here from Russia. So I never felt like I fit in. Everyone saw some stranger, who didn’t speak how they spoke. Who didn’t look how they thought a- a “boy” should look.”

Trixie’s eyebrows shoot up and she covers her mouth. Then she laughs-

“Wait, you’re joking, right? You mean you were…a tomboy? Right?!”

“No, I…I’m transgender,” Katya says to her hands, afraid to look up at Trixie’s face.

Silence.

Lucky yawns and curls up on the carpet to sleep. The clock angrily ticks as Katya waits for Trixie to say something, anything. Oh god, everything had been going so great and then Katya had to fuck it up.

“That’s great,” Trixie says, face blank. “Great. Uh, I think I have to…my mom wants me to come home…”

“Right,” Katya says, blinking away tears.

Wow, this couldn’t have gone any worse.

“I’ll see you in class-”

“Wait, but- but how about we go over some of the Russian declensions? Or you show me the element symbols again-”

“See you in class,” Trixie repeats, gives her an awkward side hug, and then she’s gone. She leaves Katya shaken and alone. Katya feels like she’s been stripped naked, raw, and then left out in the rain. She curls up on the floor, cradling Lucky to her chest. Katya has already cried once today, and she hates that the tear count is this high.

Disappointment. That’s the word that keeps repeating in her head. Katya gets up, and, even though it’s too early to sleep, hides in bed. Katya buries her face into the pillow and screams. Louder. She can still see Trixie’s eyes, judging her.

Maybe it would have been better if Katya had gotten Laganja or Sasha fucking Belle for a lab partner. Then they could have just failed together. Katya wants to live in a world where she never met Trixie or opened up to her.

The kitten licks her hand, which is hanging over the edge of the bed.

Katya lifts Lucky up and cradles him to her chest.

“There are too many strays in this town,” Katya whispers. “You. Me. They left you in a box. They left me at the airport. I was six. How old are you, Lucky? They also told me I was ‘lucky’ to be taken in by such a nice, middle-class family. Why don’t I feel that way then? God, we’re both so alone, Lucky, so let’s…let’s be alone together? You and me. Just you and me against this world.”