#my birthday is soonish. maybe i can get it.

[obnoxiousarcade]

i neeeeed that book

[namtanlovesfilm]

off's BD gathering 2025

hi hi! so I thought I'd gather my personal thoughts as well as the important talking points off talked about during the gathering!

first of all, I was super surprised to be able to get a seat to the gathering this year. last year I didn't get a seat at all & I was super sad so this year felt unreal, hence why I didn't talk about it online until it happened by fear of jinxing it (I tend to have random bad luck sometimes so now I keept cards close to my chest lol).

I didn't know at all how the gathering would go since it was my first one, but it was pretty casual & quite short which was good bc I was there on 4 hours of sleep due to the excitement for this event (I can never sleep before any off/offgun event I go to lol)

I ended up sat next to a quite famous twitter account & she was super nice, she first talked to me in english but by the end she saw that I was laughing at the jokes, etc. and asked me if I spoke thai so I said yes and it led to a funny moment lol. her & the woman on my left both complimented my thai so that's always pleasant 🥹

now the man of the hour, p'off! I loved his denim look today with the eyes all over his shirt, and obviously I won't bore you by repeating how amazing he is & how much I love him. he offered every fan a red enveloppe after the gathering which was so fucking sweet, imagine doing that for the 700 people who came!

his mom, sibling & niece and nephew niring & akin came to support him and it was super sweet! of course his ride or dies, gun, tay, new and arm came to celebrate his birthday as well! now onto the contents of the gathering:

burnout syndrome:

p'off revealed that burnout syndrome has started its workshops already!!! that's so exciting!!! I really didn't have hope to get this show in 2025 but maybe there's hope this time around!!!

he talked about dewgun's chemistry and when asked about offdew, he seemed to not want to push it further. I didn'tg understand 100% of what he said so let's wait for other translations but he DID mention the idea of a offgundew three-way ship!!! soooooo... let's see 👀

off talked in length about him getting fit, and mentionned again that p'nuchie kinda bullies him ngl 😭 like she legit called him and said "if you don't get a six pack for this project, you better quit. you're old, people are gonna get bored if you don't change" which... idk how to feel about ngl hahaha

not really burnout syndrome related but off talked briefly about not me & how challenging the workshops for it were, mentioning the workshops for burnout that are apparently also difficult. he says he will bring something new & better to his acting for this role.

break up service:

sadly off said that he has no idea when the show will air but it should be soonish? I feel like the show is gonna get pushed by gmmtv giving priorities to other shows first :((((( me who was thinking we'd get the show in 2 to 3 weeks lol... I need off on my screen asap!

fans:

speaking of break up service & his ship with jorin, off said he is very glad that babiis never harass or treat his female co-stars badly. he mentioned mild, pat and jorin, and how all three were glad to not be bullied by the fandom lol... thank goodness babiis are healthy & supportive for the most part 💚

before that, out of nowhere, off went on a tangent talking about certain toxic fans and how much he doesn't like them and is glad babiis are kind & supportive. he said he used to be more aggressive with fans in the past if they crossed a line, but babiis have behaved better since then so he's appreciative for his healthy fandom. (this was really out of nowhere & I LOVED off mentioning that. I love how straight forward & how unwilling to walk on eggshells he is. a KING.)

offtay:

before tay even showed up, off mentioned tay at least 4 times in random convos lol. you can tell he LOVES and is obsessed with his bestie, it's so cute!

tay hugged off after saying he loves him, something that they both recognized they never say bc while they know they love each other, off gets shy & doesn't like to say it out loud lol

oh also tay started his birthday wish to off by calling him "nong off" and ngl... that did something to me 🥵

offgun:

gun was, as always, very quiet & shy lol. off did say that he loved him while confessing his love to every friend present there, and... it was giving awkward idiots in a romcom lol (basically off was explaining how he doesn't say I love you to his friends and pointed to each of them while saying "I love you" but stumbled on his words when he got to gun diosuhgzqsijdiezo)

tay called gun off's "thirak" (darling) and tried to get gun to confess his love for off but gun had the definition of a gay panic and kept flailing his hands to refuse the mic, I was dead lmaoooooo

offnew:

offnew's chaotic energy is really slowly becoming my all time fave lmao, new called off old & they kept whispering to each other while tay did his speech, it was so funny!

offarm:

arm literally called off his brother and his family, sooooo... yeah. that's all. I adore them. besties for life ;_;

personal life:

off apologized a lot about not uploading a lot on social media these days. he said he is addicted to staying home and watching cartoons (anime), specifically attack on titans lol. he says he's gonna get back to posting more very soon.

off said his biggest dream as a kid was to have a house with a pool. now that he's building his house, he feels like his dream is coming to life 💚

he said he's not someone who loses sleep over things. he knows that he'll be better to solve a stressful problem the next day after getting some sleep rather than not sleeping & being too tired to solve the problem bc of it (I'm very jealous of him I could NEVER. once again I slept 4 hours bc I was so excited to see him lol.)

he also said his goal for 2025 is to travel to the US, either for a trip or for work. he talked specifically about new york & miami (I was cringing internally bc I'd rather not he goes to the US rn lol, but NYC do be that bitch imo)

alice said off is trying to get better at english for his interfans but he refused to speak on stage bc he was too shy hahaha (but he spoke english to me tho 🥹)

off also said he almost never smiles with teeth (except when a client requests it) bc he thinks he looks weird & is insecure about his smile ;_; (first time I heard this omg I felt so bad his smile with teeth is literally my fave!!!)

off also talked about how straightforward he is, and how that used to cause him problems in the past and how gmmtv crew asked him to tone it down lol. but alice rightfully said that that's what we love about him, he doesn't have a filter & that's why we stan! it's so rare to get an honest celebrity these days lol

events:

off talked about the babii 24/7 concert, and especially the part when he cried. he said it was mostly due to tiredness, bc he was doing so much at the time (and yes at the time of the concert he'd been working & traveling non-stop for over 2 months while grieving his dad's super recent passing...)

he also talked about going to paris for the fashion week, and how big of an achievement it was. he said it was crazy to meet pharrell williams, his idol since he was young, and he was happy to hang out with baifern even if it was short. he also said he was so shocked that the crowd in front of the venue was waiting for him and calling his name 🥹 he said he stayed under the rain to sign the autographs and was soaked, but it was an amazing experience. he also said he wishes tay had been with him so they could explore the city together ;_; (as previously said he mentionned tay a LOT)

he talked about the recent fanmeet in rome, and how certain fans flew from all over the world to meet him there. he compared rome to ayutthaya due to their ancient monuments (which made me chuckle but actually the comparison is not that far off I guess HAHAHA)

he talked about the pebaca concert and said we should all dress up to come to the concert (not sure what that fully entails lol). he also said he can't say too much but there will be some special thing there (which he said is best bc he said he can't carry a show with his poor singing and dancing, and... sir we disagree. at least about the singing lol.)

anyways that's it! it was an amazing experience & I always feel so grateful to be able to partake in fandom experiences here in bkk 🥹 this is the kind of shit I always dreamed about when living in paris & I legit never thought it'd be possible to be this close to my favorite guy ;_; happy birthday to him again & I can't wait for this upcoming year of loving him more & more 💚

[botanikos]

(Oh my gawd, Jude is sooooo ancient! lol, kidding. :) Happy birthday soonish! Maybe it'll be a full moon night and Stolas can get Blitzed.)

30, no children, no marital lover, no prospects. I am reminded daily at work 🤣 Thank you, friend! I don't think it'll be a full moon, sadly. We just had one! And Stolas is spoiled. He gets "Blitzed" plenty contrary to his belief.

[goldenspecter]

New Game ++ AU (TMNT/Persona 5 AU)

gonna be cringe on main and ramble about my tmnt/person 5(royal) I'm creating with one of my partners @namiikilo. got into persona 5 late last month and got it a few days before my birthday and im currently 120 hours in the game, with 4 palaces done, and hoping to start the 5th one soonish.

Basic Gist: New Game ++ has Rise Raph as Joker having stuck in what is seeming to be a never ending loop. He's aware of how Yaldabaoth had set up the events that have yet to unfold once more to be rigged against him and everyone. Having gone through this hell twice, he's determined to make hit a homerun on try #3, succeed in saving his friends and the world, and finally getting five minutes to breath.

Main Cast (Solidified/Pretty Confident about)

rise Raph as joker rise Casey as ryuji MM April as Ann idw Leo as yusuke (idw kitsune as Madarame) MM Turtles as Futaba 12 Karai as Makoto Ronin Mikey as Yoshizawa 12 Timothy as Mishima MM Splinter as Sojiro 12 April as the Chihaya 87 April as Ohya the Journalist

Characters I'm not quite sure on:

MM Cynthia as Wakaba(hard maybe)

Metalhead/Shelldon/Klunk as Morgana

Twin Wardens = ?????

Igor=????

Sae= ?????

Akechi(the scab) = ?????

Palace Rulers = ????

Notes:

-I'm not sure where exactly I want this to be set at in. Either in the actual setting of Persona 5, which is Japan, or New York, or the Hidden City but it has heavy influences of Japanese society/culture and modifications to how it functions.

-Mementos Shadows have distorted desires, have done some harm to others, but are able to have a change of heart before it grows to be any worse into an actual Mini-Palace or an Palace. It is the easiest to phase to induce a change of heart at this phase.

-Mini Palaces have a Palace Ruler, have its own distinct place in the Metaverse, and can pull in weaker shadows under their control. However, these palaces are much smaller than a Normal Palace and as such, a little more likely to have many places where the distortion is weaker. A change of heart is slightly harder to do than a Mementos Shadow but is still much easier to do than a Normal Palace

-Normal Palaces are as they are in the game, extensive/egregious harm towards others and a Forced Change of Heart Is Required

-07 Leo and 12 Donnie will canonically have a Mini-Palace at some point in the AU.

[dracereads]

🌎🚲 Mid-year Reflection on my 2022 Reading Journey

🌃 tagged by @thecasualbookreviewer; It might be titled a little differently than what you tagged me in. A freak-out reminds me too much of cram and grind culture. I read for fun and enjoyment, not to tick the little boxes. As cliche as it is, it's all about the journey and not the destination. It's about the acquisition of brain worms of which I have farmed many this year.

📚Amount of books you’ve read so far

Please hold I need to actually go count because I haven't in awhile. I'm back it's 43.

📚Best book you’ve read so far in 2022

This is such a difficult question. There were so many good books that I read this year. I feel like I have favorites in different categories like this is an awards ceremony. fffs. Overall, I'm going to go with Scum Villain because it's been just a general good source of brain worms this year. The bees have ate well over that book. If you want to send me fake categories and ask based on that, always game. 📚Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2022

I mean. I've read concurrent sequels (books published in multiple volumes) but I don't count those. Because they're all one story told in multiple parts. As for Sequel sequels... I know absolutely nothing is going to top Husband Materials. Even though I haven't read it yet. LOL.

📚New release you haven’t read yet, but want to

I'd like to read I kissed Sarah Wheeler by Casey Mcquistion because it's her junior novel. I'd like to see how it differentiates between the two others before. I haven't gotten to the Fae Keeper duology yet and that's on my list really high. As well as like. Heaven Official's Blessing III which I haven't gotten around to because I'm not ready to hurt quite yet this week. 📚Most anticipated release for the second half of the year 2ha on my birthday. Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn. Aiden Thomas (Cemetary boys) has a new duology starting in September. Golden Terrace in November. Husband Materials on Tuesday. uhhh. Mushroom II in late august even though my physical got delayed until September. So I'll have to get an ebook if I want to read it. So MANY. Glitterland's re-release in Jan. kdfdffkf 📚Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

well, this year it has really been Alexis Hall. My goal is to be done with all of his books by the end of 2022 so I can eagerly await the: *goes to his website to count* 6 books he's got scheduled for 2023?? man is prolific and I am jealous.

also I fell in love with S.A. Cosby in the same way as I did David Heska Wanbli Weidan this year. I believe DHWW has more books coming out soonish. Also excited for those. 📚Biggest surprise Little Mushroom still holds the biggest shocker for me this year. Because I AM SALTY ABOUT IT AND I WILL NOT BE SILENCED. 📚Book that made you happy

SVSSS, Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat, One Last Stop, A lady for a Duke, Pansies. These are all frequent brain worm topics on nights where my brain bees won't be quiet and let me sleep.

📚Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character:

aro ace here. I don't really do crushes. I just have a lot of fictional children. Newest fictional child is Luo Binghe and Xie Lian. As well as maybe Violet from Dark Rise. Luo Binghe: The protagonist who deserved none of his bullshit ever despite some of the horrible things he did. Did not deserve the absolute trashing the plot gave him in Volume 3.

Xie Lian: Local Tired Grandpa with a traumatic past just wants to collect his trash in peace, and both divine realms have decided he will not do that. More news at 11. Violet: Local mixed girl gets harassed by the plot. Absolutely doesn't deserve it. You will be hearing from my unethical treatment of fictional characters lawyer. this is a joke I swear to god.

📚Book that made you cry:

Honey Girl got me GOOD during Grace Porter's mental breakdown. Been there grace. Been there so hard girlie.

Most recently I was in HYSTERICS over This Way Out. Full on ugly inconsolable crying for like 10 minutes over. well. His family is conservative and Muslim, they reject his gay marriage. But what's worse is his fiancee's family is very white and doesn't understand the stigma and the culture. and they just. so neatly wrap up Amar's family into a judgemental little package. and he's just like. "nope they may be assholes but they are my family and they deserve respect because despite THEIR actions I still LOVE them because they are worthy of LOVE." and it just made me grapple with a lot of complicated feelings I have revolving around my own queerness and family issues. Just a very strong gut punch of complications.

📚Most beautiful book you’ve bought or received this year so far:

have you seen Heaven Official's Blessing's Cover art?? especially for volume three??? fdskfsdf or like. Pale Moon Reflected in the Water?? sdlkjff

📚Book you need to read by the end of the year: KD Edward's Tarot Sequence Books The rest of the Alexis Hall booksets. These are the only books that I am going to REQUIRE myself to finish. Otherwise I'm getting FUNKY with it. No rules.

tagging: free tag from me here. If you want a specific @ I will certainly edit you in.

[askuemki]

So soonish, smth to look forward to on my birthday month :)

I think (id say that I remember but i use that too often lmao) that I saw a scene where there was a whole ass explosion w/ the infected coming out and the behind the scenes And it was such an impressive thing to see w/ a whole big movie setup w/ a genuine fire explosion Her whole territory in the actual game is so short, and I wish there was some official dlc to get to know more about her And I heard that her voice actor never got credited in the game and it makes me so pissed?? But there was a few interviews and streams of her reacting to her character's boss arc and it was silly But there's plenty of fanart to go around on tumblr (or maybe twitter too) at least!! Crows (and ravens) would be my 2nd favorite animal to cats Assuming you're talking abt the Dimitrescu sisters, they're experiments that Alcina worked on w/ Miranda! But after they didn't suit Miranda's standards, Alcina took them in as her own So they'd be technically adopted I misread "I like ugly shit" so bad and it made me giggle for awhile when i realized But yeah I can agree with you on that standpoint I have a buildabear with those little sound effect things and it scared the shit out of me when I was little But the battery is dead now but I still have the little rabbit Yeah, but at least most of them have the decency to stay in the kitchen Those poor janitors though, always having to clean up the worst messes in the bathroom :( Youtube shorts is my new tiktok, but its silly cat videos, art stuff, or something weird I think it's safe, I haven't really heard any big crimes where I live But there's a few really wild car crashes I've seen in person before, like this one time this dude was wedged in these trees sideways.. I don't remember any exact shootings, but yeah there's been some wild shit in the us I just hope I'll never get into it :,) Tbh it seems kinda scary either way, thinking abt an almost blind man aimlessly shooting a gun Appreciated <3 I just might steal the bread though lmao If it's something like NYC? definitely But I live in the countryside and it takes a whole half an hour drive to get to a different city or just to get groceries For whatever reason she got stuff to make rugs, but never actually made any rugs Most recent thing she bought is a new laptop bag for me which is hella appreciated The old black one I had was old and crusty I have another (broken) one where you can charge it, but I just like the one w/ the battery where I can just connect and go Sort of? I'd say it just depends on the user's preference or software they have in the moment!

@vivgst new thread <3 (I have the cut so it won't be a pain to scroll lol)

I've never watched Death Note, but I guess Ill just say L is my favorite since we share a name (technically) Honestly? my answer is simple w/ what animal Id be Almost ANY cat (not the flatfaced or folded ear ones though they can have some bad health issues :( ) Like if you're a domestic cat, you have the stuff to survive both in the wild, or in someone's house. You have super scenes of smell, night vision, claws, sharp teeth, AND probably enough smarts to not get eaten by dogs or smth. On the other hand with humans, at least 70% of the population would adore you, and maybe even take you in to pamper you. It would be very easy to get them to do your bidding since you'd be just some animal, and perhaps put above your caretaker's needs. Pets? Affection? Just act all adorable and stuff and they'll give it to you, cling on to them and they'll say they're your human now. On the other hand (or paw) there's the wild cats!! Still very cute. Still very cool. Now your defenses are upped by a ton, and people still find you cute. Though with how shitty environmental conditions are, and with the bigger cats slowly going to extinction :( , I may or may not just stick to domestic cats But hypothetically.. It would be neat to be either a snow leopard, tiger, or a jaguar. I love snow leopards for their big fluffy tails, and it would be cool to be able to roam through snow and stuff, but that seems to get a little boring from time to time. Love tigers for their stripes, I don't think they can roar..?? But that doesn't change anything. Think Tigers and Jaguars are both pretty efficient in survival, but I'd pick Jaguar just for their athletics and HUGE bite force (least from my 1st search). Or maybe, maybe not because there's an outfit/skin or two of Valeria's that are based on jaguars.. (or leopards, but ill go w/ jaguars) im obsessed w/ this woman man hdwhadwjadawnk OH ALSO ON THE TOPIC OF BIRDS??? AS FUN AS IT WOULD BE TO BE A MALE BIRD AND SHAKE YOUR COLORFUL BUM AROUND, THERE WAS A WHOLE ASS WAR W/ EMUS AND AUSTRALIA Honestly who wouldn't wanna be a relative of a dinosaur, but smaller and just as fucking scary Also for vacation.... I don't like going on vacation. I just like being in my sad little room, on the internet or drawing my ass off But, Id love to visit Japan and see their Ghibli Studio museum, it's so cool... Or even just go to a few hotels or smth here and there, I love their stellar technology, I love how everything is so cute or neat there, oh and I especially LOVE the social rules there, I'm a goody-two-shoes at heart and perfectly agree with being "nice"... Like yeah sure I may not like you or the opposite, but at least we can co-exist without biting our heads off (unlike the fucking us) and japan seems open to their culture being explored by others, so I'd totally love to (respectfully) participate in some traditions here and there OR I could visit Europe. Like not even a specific country? Just Europe. Cuz the US is like really fucking big, and a country like France is apparently as big as Texas. And it would be cool to take a week trip just exploring cultures and stuff (well everything except food, I'm a terrible picky eater ugh) Vacation in the US scares me tho, I'm fine where I'm at rn Maybe id be a little open to going to canada.. but bc of how they're treating the Palestine genoside rn maybe like later in life if they redeem themselves, but like the us? Fuck them too I think crocodiles r cute, but I wouldn't wanna go near one :3 Most of my relatives are either in the Philippines or Maryland, I barely know abt them now Never thought I'd be the one to be the gay cousin, ngl

[thelastlynx]

Draco Malfoy hated his birthday. Draco Malfoy hated his birthday so much, in fact, that he couldn’t recall a time when he hadn’t hated his birthday.

He knocked back a drink, scowling at the generic gifts collecting on the sideboard, mocking him.

How he despised everything birthdays entailed. The fake smiles. The half-hearted well-wishers. The dinners where his father would stiffly toast his good heath, and his mother would hug him, almost smothering him.

Draco hated his mother’s voice getting thin and shaky, as his father’s got surely, while they both avoided the fact that he, at now forty, remained alone, conveniently ignoring the part they had played in that.

His fist closed around his glass as he lifted it to his lips again, emptying it in one swig, numbing any memory of a time before. Why his mother had insisted on throwing him a party this year was a mystery to him. He knew the people she would invite, and the people she wouldn’t. He had endured the kerfuffle for maybe an hour before escaping to the smoking room.

There was a knock, and a hefty and balding man entered. A former classmate — one of the Puceys maybe? A short chat, and the man absconded, promises of a soonish lunch made that neither would keep.

Draco levitated the newest addition of liquor to the line-up on the sideboard. A pathetic file of guardsmen watching over him and his loneliness, as they had for more than half his life.

“Happy birthday to me,” Draco muttered and knocked back another. Forty years and the only thing he had truly accomplished was acquiring a strong liver and being an obedient son, and for what.

Another knock had Draco contemplating to lock the door. But before he could decide it was pushed open by someone who couldn’t possibly be here, and because it was so impossible Draco started laughing, until the witch standing there pulled a face.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt but your mother said to just go through and…”

Draco scrambled to his feet, realising in painful clarity that this was not an alcohol-induced delusion, but Hermione Granger in the flesh. Minister Granger. His Granger.

“Fuck,” Draco stumbled across the room to greet her. “I’m sorry, this is… unexpected—”

Hermione smiled shyly and offered him a gigantic bouquet of flowers.

“Peonies?” Draco froze, the full realisation hitting him. “Are you sure…?” He waited with bated breath.

Granger looked torn, her eyes flickering towards the sofas. “Could we… sit? I think it’s time we talked about… about what happened…”

Draco stared at her, her eyes full of compassion, her lovely face as pink as the petals, and his heart now beating so frantically inside his chest as if it had just lain there, waiting for a chance to get back to her.

“Of course,” he said, leading her into the room, hoping desperately that this might be the chance to like his birthday again. “Let’s talk.”

Happy Fortieth, Draco Malfoy! 💐🍾💐

This drabble was my entry for last week’s @dramioneldws​ prompt, Peonies/Compassion! The current round - Daffodils/Chivalry - is live and open for voting until later today 😄 Be sure to check it out here!

And if you liked what you read, you can check out my other flower themed Dramione drabbles here. Likes, reblogs or kudos make my heart sing! 💖💖💖

[shirasade]

Still not dead (a rambly life update, TLDR)

Actually, I’m doing better. Continuing to work only part-time, some adjustments in my meds, more therapy and a new job coach (courtesy of my employer’s insurance) and probably also the beginning of spring are all contributing. (Although the last part also means hayfever, which I noticed when I went for a run this morning and only did about half of what I’d hoped. But still, fresh air and exercise!)

I’ve also gone back to eating better, making more vegan/vegetarian choices (as a nice vegan Youtuber put it, going away from the overwhelming all-or-nothing approach) and am currently waiting for the results of some extensive lab tests after meeting with a doctor taking a holistic approach, especially in regards to the connection between your gut and health, both physical and mental. (Okay, cutting for length, feel free to skip unless you’re interested in my mental health or my writing.)

I’ve still got a long road ahead, but I’m beginning to feel slightly more optimistic. Still, it’s made me reevaluate things, especially where work is concerned, but before I tackle anything in that area (i.e. consider looking for a new job) I need to build myself up again. A definite sign of improvement is that I’ve been inhaling books last week as well as watching some movies and tv shows, after being unable to focus on anything more substantial than Youtube videos for months. It’s all comfort food like Tamora Pierce’s Circle ‘verse novels, historical docos and Death in Paradise, but it’s an improvement.

Also, following once more in the footsteps of the incomparable Bernadette Banner, I’ve started using Notion. Not as a calendar, but for all sorts of other things: random recipes from my computer, lists for my post-plague birthday bash this summer, a reading list for this year (after neglecting to do one last year), hopefully eventually an inventory of my book and dvd collections (which I’ve also shamefully neglected) - and my fanfic WIPs!

As you can see, they’re now ordered by priority, which will hopefully give me some incentive. The first column contains the ones I get the most requests for, the second column are also already on AO3 but don’t seem that urgent. The other two columns are unposted and therefore to be completed at my leisure (if at all) - the third column I’ve already written a chunk of, the last column are only a paragraph or two. That doesn’t mean I’ll be writing them in that order, mind you, it’s just to help me keep track of the state of things. :)

Below that table are subpages with older WIPs, which will likely never see the light of day, but you never know. (As you can see from the fact that there’s a “bandom” folder, I’ve been carrying some of these around with me from one writing set-up to the next for over a decade - if I remember correctly, they were originally saved on my laptop, uploaded to Gdrive, moved to Nextcloud, switched to Cryptpad and now Notion.)

Anyway, that interested maybe 2 people, but there you have it. Now I only need to start writing again! Oh, and I’d also love to be able to focus on stuff with subtitles again, at least A Tale of Thousand Stars, which seems completely adorable (and has Earth in it, which I can’t stress enough, because reasons *g*), the Hello Stranger movie and the Cherry Magic special. But yeah, taking it step by step - as my insurance case worker says, it’s a process that can’t (or at least shouldn’t) be rushed.

If you’ve read so far, thank you very much for caring! I hope you’re doing well. I miss having you in my life - something else I hope I’ll be able to return to soonish! <3

[imaginesbyem]

Phase 2 - Theo Raeken

Request: Could you do a Theo Reaken Jealousy Imagine? ☺️❤️

Summary: Secret love notes cause (Y/N) and Lydia to devise a plan. Make her secret crush so jealous, he comes out of hiding.

"Woah there, (Y/N). I think you’ve had one too many. Or maybe 5 too many” Stiles says as he grabs ahold of my shoulders. I blink my eyes rapidly noticing the spinning room now that I’m stood still. 

“Stiles, Silly! It’s my birthday. Of course I’m going to get drunk!” I laugh, slapping my hand onto his shoulder for both support and drunk comedic effect.

“Do you want to sit down?” 

“Not yet! I’m still only in phase 2.”

“What? You’ve definitely had too much.”

“Stiles, hands off. Phase 2 is the hardest phase and you’re not screwing that up!” says an also obviously tipsy Lydia. 

“Not you too...”

“Look, Stiles. (Y/N) has a secret lover boy who we’re wanting to uncover tonight. She’s been getting all these random notes in her locker and presents for the past 3 weeks.”

“Oh that’ll end well. So what’s Phase 2 then?”

“Phase 1: Show up looking totally hot. Tick!” Lydia gestures to (Y/N).

“Phase 2: Gain the attention of all suspects.” (Y/N) slurs. Stiles looks on in awe as she stumbles while not even moving anywhere.

“Phase 3: Flirt with one of our allies to make them jealous.” Lydia continues.

“And finally, Phase 4: move upstairs and have them come to me. Perfect!” (Y/N) interrupts. 

“So who are the suspects?” Stiles finally gives in.

“Okay, possible loverboy one; Isaac Lahey. Just came back from overseas and suddenly two weeks later, (Y/N) starts getting her gifts.” Stiles looks over at the rugged up boy on the couch sipping his drink and tapping his foot away to the music. “Boy two; Brett Talbot. He’s been openly flirty with (Y/N), along with a few other girls for a while now.” Brett stands next to the fridge talking to a girl while his eyes keep flicking over. “Boy three; Jackson Whittemore. His recent change of heart in wanting to be a better person matches the timeline of when (Y/N) started receiving gifts.” Jackson was stood by the snack table, visibly uncomfortable with how out of place he was. 

“Okay, well how about someone like Scott? Or Liam? Guys that are close to (Y/N)?” Stiles quizzes.

“You think you can keep your mouth shut long enough for me not to find out if Scott liked me? You tell Lydia everything, and she tells me everything!” I laughed. Stiles looked over at Lydia who just shrugged. He knew he wouldn’t win this battle. 

“And Liam?” 

“Liam’s not mature enough to write the things (Y/N) has been receiving. I’ve never read something so mysteriously raw.” Stiles looks slightly offended by Lydia’s comment. “Oh, you know I’m not counting you, babe.” 

“So they’re all the suspects?” Stiles asks.

“Well, they’re our main ones. There’s always a possibility of it being someone like Derek that we just don’t expect but he doesn’t have the ability to deliver the notes without help and I’ve never seen him display any kind of love. The closest I’ve seen is probably when he went missing for a few days and ate for the first time.” Lydia laughed.

“Okay, you guys are distracting me. I gotta get the guys attention.” I say quickly before looking down at my phone. “Shit, it’s already 11:30?! Everyone will probably start leaving soonish. I gotta move fast.” 

I pull Lydia onto the middle of the floor with me and start dancing. She focuses on looking around and making sure the guys are watching while I try to focus on putting on a show. I run my hands along my body as I move to the beat of the song.

“Got them” Lydia whispers in my ear. 

“What should I do now?” I ask. Lydia has acted as my mentor this entire time. I was dependant on everything she said. 

“Phase 3.”

“Whos the ally?” As I’m looking around trying to find who Lydia would have picked to aid our plan, my eyes meet with Theo’s. He gives me a small smile that looks somewhat pure. I stop moving and smile back. He looks like he’s going to come over. What do I say? I’ve only spoken to him a few times and he’s definitely not someone you want to embarrass yourself in front of. 

“There he is.” Lydia says as she pushes me backwards. I stumble back and fall into Scott’s arms. 

“Woah. You feeling okay, (Y/N)?” He laughs.

“Oh, Scott. Thank god you caught me I thought I was gonna die for a minute there!” I let out my breath. “So you’re aware of Lydia’s plan?” I giggled.

“As of about 10 minutes ago. She forced Stiles to force me” He joked which made me feel guilty.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“no, no, no. I phrased that wrong. Look, I’m more than happy to help you out. After everything with Kira I’m in need of some girl company again. And not like that, just... Wow I’m bad with words.” He laughs at himself.

“Well, that’s how we know you’re not our loverboy!” I laughed. “But seriously, Scott. You’re a great guy. Don’t worry about a lack of girl company in your life right now. You don’t want to rush something that isn’t meant to be. You could ruin something great by doing that!” I said realising I was trying to do just that. Tonight was all about rushing something along. What if this whole plan scares off my secret admirer.

“God I’m an idiot.” I say out loud. “Sorry, Scott. I need a second alone.” I say before making my way upstairs. I could see how clearly confused he was and afraid that he had said something wrong. 

I sat on the bathroom floor with my head in my hands, thinking about my life choices. Why was I like this? Why do I always get so obsessive and crazy about trying to keep control. I couldn’t bare not knowing who had secret feelings for me. And now I might have ruined the chance at ever finding out. Great job, (Y/N).

“Hey, you okay?” I look up to see Theo standing at the door with a glass of water in his hand.

“Hey, yeah. Just needed a break.” 

“Was it Scott? Did he do something?” 

“No, no! Scott’s been great. I’ve just been an idiot.”

“Great huh? He’s okay I guess.” I laugh at his reply as he sits beside me on the ground. “So what stupid thing did you do this time.” I lightly chuckle at his joke before exhaling deeply.

“It’s hard to explain.” 

“I’ve got time.” He smiles.

“You know, for the whole bad guy persona, you’re really not that bad.” 

“Me? The one who literally tore his sisters heart from her chest.”

“Okay, please don’t remind me about that.”

“Sorry. I should think more before speaking.” 

“No, it’s okay.” I smile softly, still a bit off put. “Anyway, theres this guy who Lydia and I wanted to show off to tonight.” I see Theo visibly tense and I pause for a second. “I know, not something typical me would do. Anyway. There’s a guy who’s been leaving me random letters in my locker, sending me flowers at work, and all this other romantic stuff, but I have no idea who it is. So Lydia came up with a plan that tonight at my party we’d invite all the suspects and try to force them to act on their emotions through making them jealous. But... here I am.”

“With me. Is that so bad?” Theo laughs slightly, but I could tell he wanted a serious answer. 

“Of course not. I just feel like I’ve scared him away for good.”

“So who were the suspects?” Theo asks.

“Uhhh. Isaac, Jackson, Brett. Lydia thought Derek possibly... I don’t know. It’s a long list that she worked out.”

“Was I on it?” He asks, more serious now.

“I-uh. I don’t think so?” I ask confused.

“Maybe she should leave the detective work to her boyfriend then.” He snorts. 

“What do you mean?” I ask, already knowing the answer. He looks back at me with a stupid smile, feeling half excited to get it off his chest, but half nervous about what my response will be.

“I may not appear to be the most romantic guy, but I’ve been saving a few moves up from movies and conversations I’ve overheard.” He pulls the side of his lip up into a half smile, feeling completely vulnerable now.

“Wow.”

“You’re not... disappointed are you?”

“What? Of course not! I just definitely did not see that coming!” I exclaimed. He looks down at the ground, obviously taking that as a bad thing. Shit. Quick (Y/N), fix this. “So. When are you taking me out?” I nudge him with my shoulder.

“You don’t have to humour me, (Y/N).” Theo hides his pain with a smile.

“Don’t be stupid. I’d love to see what’s under this whole bad boy persona.” He smirks. “No, I don’t mean what’s under your clothes. Although now that I think about it that wouldn’t be too bad.” I laugh. He leans in to kiss me but before he can, I put my fingers against his lips. “As perfect as this moment is, I’m not having my first kiss with you next to a toilet that has probably been vomited in 20 times tonight.” I stand up and pull him up by his arms. 

“Thats a poor excuse to get me into your bedroom.” He jokes.

“Are you complaining?” He shakes his head no before following me eagerly. 

A/N: Hey, so this ended up taking a very different turn to what I was going to write. I thought it might be interesting to show a different type of jealousy to what Theo’s generally portrayed as. I’m definitely feeling like writing a more angsty jealousy imagine which I’ll start up soon, but yeah like I said I found this idea of a reserved jealousy fascinating with his character!

[frauleinsmaria]

The Facebook Flub (3/4)

Summary: When Emma accidentally sends a friend request to the wrong person, she doesn’t expect much to come of it. But maybe this accident is the best decision she’s ever made.

Rated T

Part 1: AO3 | Tumblr | 

Part 2: AO3 | Tumblr

Part 3: AO3

A/N: Hi, yes, I know it's been a while. Sorry about that. All I can say is that retail management is hard and has taken quite the toll on my energy and my muse over the past few weeks. The good news is that things are starting to look up, and I expect to have the fourth and final chapter finished soonish. (Yes, it's four parts now instead of three. I can't believe I expected this to be a one-shot for a while there.)

Thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Also, much thanks to @ultraluckycatnd for providing beta duties <3

The first week or so after Killian’s return to London went by too quickly for her to fully absorb his absence. Between tracking down a high profile skip, dealing with a leak in her water heater, and helping David and Mary Margaret prepare for Leo’s upcoming birthday party, she had little energy at the end of the day for more than a brief conversation with him before going straight to bed.

As expected, her brother hadn’t been thrilled to hear from his wife that not only had Killian spent the weekend staying with her, but that they were now more than friends as well. She did think it helped that Killian had met David and gotten on his good side before any of this development happened. Emma would just tell Killian to bring up the Orioles if David ever tried to be intimidating again.

It wasn’t until things returned back to normal that Emma’s guilt began to sink in. She and Killian had made the decision to try being long-distance just days ago, and she already felt like a horrible girlfriend. (The term still seemed weird when referring to herself. A good weird, though, a weird that made her heart skip a beat and her stomach swoop whenever it crossed her mind. She hadn’t been anyone’s girlfriend in years.)

She shared as much with Killian during a phone call on the first night she had both time and energy to hold a coherent discussion. “Are you sure you’re still up to make this work with a girl who’s barely talked to you in over a week?”

“Love, I know you’ve had quite a few things to keep you preoccupied lately. Besides, I’m in this for the long haul. Even with your disorganized cabinets and liking for overly processed breakfast pastries.”

Emma didn’t have to question his statement to know it was true. He really was all in as long as she was willing. “Good to know. Although I’ll never understand what Pop Tarts have done to you to deserve such wrath.”

“Do you truly not pay attention to the taste while you’re eating them, Swan? It’s like chewing sugar-coated chemicals.”

“And I love them.”

Their routine soon went back to what it had been before Killian’s visit: late night calls, Netflix binges, a FaceTime session when he tried to walk her through a lasagna recipe for dinner at Ruby’s. The only difference was the sense of longing that inevitably set in after being together and then apart from the person she’d come to care for more than she’d thought was possible.

It was so different before. She hadn’t known what it was like to look him in the eyes, to share space with him, to kiss him and feel his skin against her own. Emma often had to remind herself to take just one step at a time. While their relationship might have been a long time coming, it was still new and they were only just beginning to figure out the specifics of this thing between them. Of course it felt normal to miss him, but she was making an effort not to be one of those people who spent every waking moment thinking about their significant other. Some days were harder to do that than others, but it didn’t hurt that she had a job and family and friends to keep her busy when they weren’t spending time with each other.

Killian gave her the news at the beginning of October. It was a Tuesday that felt more like a Monday- her coffee pot had kicked the bucket that morning, she had fallen while chasing a skip later that day and torn a hole in her favorite pair of jeans, and she’d been dealing with cramps from hell all day.

She was relaying all of this to Killian over the phone when she arrived home that evening. Upon entering her apartment, she’d dropped her bag and coat in the hallway and made a beeline for the freezer, her phone tucked between her chin and shoulder as she dug out the pint of Phish food she’d been saving for a special (or particularly awful) occasion. The only thing she’d eaten for lunch was a salad with stale crackers, so it felt like she earned this.

“So, basically, I just wanna eat my ice cream and watch Netflix and ignore the rest of the world unless it has good news for me.”

“I’m sorry you had such a rubbish day, love,” said Killian. “Although I do have something to share that you might consider good news.”

“Please, I’m all ears.”

“Well, I suppose I should ask first if you’re doing anything the last weekend of the month?”

Emma glanced up at the calendar hanging on her fridge that she haphazardly scribbled appointments and birthdays on from time to time. Nothing was written down for the days he’d mentioned. “I’m all clear.”

“Good. I was hoping you might be up for having company.”

It took her a moment to process his words. “Wait, seriously?!”

“Aye. Liam and I finally got a chance to discuss those vacation days I mentioned to you before I left. Luckily enough, this seems like the best time to use them before everything picks up for the holidays.”

Killian was right, he had mentioned trying to visit again sooner than later on that morning she’d taken him to the airport. She’d known he was serious, but hadn’t expected him to work things out quite so soon. “So I can have you to myself all weekend again?”

“Indeed. We can make cupcakes again if you want.”

“So you’re staying at my place again and expecting to get lucky? Making me chocolate cupcakes is the least you can do, Jones.”

Their routine saw little change over the next few weeks aside from the excitement of knowing when they would get to see each other again. Of course some things were still tricky, especially when there would be an unexpected change in their work schedules or social lives, but the distance and time spent apart were a bit easier to deal with by a glance at her calendar and the red circle she’d marked around that particular weekend.

Emma was at the bathroom sink getting ready for bed when a Voice Calling request from WhatsApp popped up on her phone screen. It wasn’t a surprise to see Killian’s name since he was the only person she used the app to talk to, but she hadn’t expected to hear from him so late the night before his flight to Boston.

She finished washing her makeup off and quickly patted her face dry with a towel before answering. “Killian?”

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Emma, happy birthday to you.”

“Barely midnight and I’m getting serenaded to already? Twenty-eight is off to a great start.” She knew Killian would be gloating if he could see the grin on her face. “Thank you, Killian. But why are you awake? Insomnia aside, it’s five in the morning for you, and you have a flight this afternoon.”

“I’ll sleep on the plane. Besides, I’d feel like a sorry boyfriend if I wasn’t the first person to tell you happy birthda-” the sentence was cut off as she heard him yawn through the phone.

“Uh huh. Argue all you want, but I think you need to sleep now.”

Killian sighed. “Perhaps you’re right, love.”

“Of course. Either way, it’s my birthday; being right about everything is part of the territory.” He knew better than to object. “Thank you again for calling, but seriously, go to bed. I’ll see you at the airport this afternoon.”

“I’ll be counting the minutes, my love.”

Emma never would have pictured herself to be the kind of person who ran through a crowded airport to throw her arms around someone. (She’d probably made fun of people who did as much on occasion.) Yet that’s exactly what she did the moment she saw Killian enter the waiting area that afternoon. The excitement of being with him again drowned out any rational thoughts as she bolted towards him and nearly knocked him over with the impact of her hug.

She heard his bag drop to the floor beside them as he pulled her close. “Bloody hell, this is quite the welcome.”

“Sorry.” She quickly pulled back. Her face burned with the realization of what she must have looked like, all but throwing herself at a man she’d been dating no more than a month. Was she going to make him regret coming to see her before they even made it out of the airport?

“Hey.” She’d glanced down, but Killian placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up until their eyes met. “I’m not complaining. It’s nice to see you apparently missed me as much as I did you.” He leaned in to catch her lips in a quick kiss, chaste considering the location, but enough to leave her head spinning. “Happy birthday, Swan.”

“Thank you. Even if there’s not a song to go along with it this time.”

“I could still sing for you if you want. Who knows, someone might record it and we could go viral.”

“That’s sweet, but I’m content with living in anonymity for now.”

“Suit yourself, love.”

They headed back to her apartment where Emma suspected they would remain for the rest of the day. Killian had insisted on taking her to do something for her birthday while he was there, but she’d suggested they at least wait until Thursday- he would have denied her claims if she mentioned it, but she could tell he was exhausted, whether it be from jet lag, overall lack of sleep, or both. There were noticeable lines around his eyes and she knew he yawned quite a few times on the drive home when he thought she wasn’t looking.

But any evidence of his fatigue was gone the moment they entered her apartment. As soon as the door shut behind them, Killian captured her lips in a kiss that made her head spin, his hands going to her waist as he pressed her up against the wall.

The kiss was somehow soft, but not without the burning passion she’d felt the last time they’d kissed, really kissed, brief, chaste moments at the airport not included. This time, she wasn’t worried over her feelings for him or getting ready to tell him goodbye. He was there, he cared about her, he wanted her, and they had each other to themselves for the next four days. Emma’s hands went to his shoulders and she sighed happily against his lips.

She broke the kiss when the need to breathe became unbearable. “Wow. I guess I really was missed.”

“You have no idea. I wanted to do that at the airport, but, y’know, public indecency and all,” he smirked.

“Good thing we’re not in public anymore then.” She kissed him again before he could respond.

They didn’t make it to her room this time, all but collapsing onto the couch and coming together, the culmination of their time apart and anticipation over finally being reunited again. It wasn’t unlike the kiss they’d just shared, soft and tender yet providing the realization that no one had ever been able to set Emma’s pulse racing quite like him.

“Yeah, maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t kiss me like that at the airport.” After, she and Killian had both changed into sweatpants and settled in front of the TV. He had chosen one of their favorite episodes of The Office and she laid curled up against his side, her head pillowed on his chest.

“I told you, love.”

The episode was halfway over when he asked, “Why am I feeling as if we’re a middle aged couple who does nothing but sit in front of their TV?” He attempted to fein concern, but she could tell he found it funny.

Emma laughed. “Because that’s usually what we do. TV is easy to bond over. I have a few things in mind we can do this weekend since you won’t have work stuff though.”

“Aye. I like my job, but I must admit it’s nice to not have to worry about it for a few days.”

“Yeah, you have me to take up your time instead.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

The rest of their evening saw no differences other than ordering a pizza for dinner, and Killian nodding off on her shoulder just after eight. It was all Emma could do to pull him up off of the couch and guide him down the hall to her room in his half-asleep state. He collapsed onto the bed without ceremony, snoring before his head hit the pillow. She couldn’t help but smile as she snapped a picture for him to see later before crawling under the covers to join him.

Killian’s reaction to her alarm the next morning was not unlike his feelings toward his own the morning after their first night together. “Make it stop, love,” he groaned, voice thick with sleep as her phone rang incessantly.

She rubbed her eyes and reached over to grab her phone from the nightstand, disabling the alarm. The noise abruptly stopped. Killian let out a sigh of relief, then groaned again when she made to get up. His arm snaked around her waist and pulled her back down to him. “C’mon, Swan. Five more minutes?”

Emma rolled her eyes at him. (Or she thought she did; in her caffeine-deprived state, she couldn’t be sure of anything just yet.) He sounded more like a child than a grown man in his thirties. “Uh uh. I know how this works: five minutes turns into fifteen, then thirty. Next thing you know, I’m an hour late for work.”

“Aye, but don’t you technically make your own hours?”

“Most of the time, yes. But I need to go in and take care of some things for this case so I won’t have to worry about it over the weekend. Trust me, I have no desire to work today either, but this afternoon, I’ll be all yours until Sunday.”

“Good to know. If I recall correctly, we still have a birthday to celebrate.”

“Sure do.” She leaned over and kissed him before finally getting out of bed. “I’m gonna go take a shower, so why don’t you try to go back to sleep? I’ll make sure to come tell you bye before I leave.”

He yawned and mumbled something that sounded like, “If you insist,” before rolling over onto his side. His breathing had evened out again before she left the room.

She left her spare key on the kitchen counter for Killian for when he became tired of sitting around in the apartment. It wasn’t much of a surprise when she received a text around lunchtime.

Hello, Swan. I hope your work day is going smoothly. I’m going for a walk around the city to get some fresh air and caffeine. Anything you’d like for me to bring back?

Just yourself. Something tells me I’m going to be ready to leave for a good meal as soon as I get home tonight.

No Granny’s this time?

Nope. I love Ruby, but there’s no way I’m giving her an opportunity to invade this time.

Good point.

She left work as soon as she could and went back to the apartment to get ready for the birthday dinner Killian had talked her into. They still hadn’t decided on a restaurant, which Emma realized would probably come to be a problem if they tried to go somewhere popular without a reservation beforehand. She wasn’t all that concerned about it though. The main thing was getting to celebrate with him, and most of her favorite restaurants in the city may not be likely to draw a huge crowd on a Thursday night.

Killian was on the couch flipping through her battered copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone when she entered the apartment. “Nice choice. But I assume you’ve read that, like, a million times being English and all,” she commented, plopping down beside him and pressing her lips to his cheek.

He was wearing a black button-down shirt and jeans. Emma found herself wondering yet again how such simple colors suited him so well. (So well to the point that she almost considered suggesting they stay home for the evening.)

“Oh, I’d say I’ve read them about half a dozen times at least. I was simply curious to see if there were any significant changes to your addition, other than the whole “sorcerer’s stone instead of philosopher’s” thing.”

“And what’s the verdict?”

“Eh, most of the fundamental aspects are the same. The only thing I’ve really noticed is a few English terms they changed for the American edition- nap instead of lie-in, elevator instead of lift. And taking the “u” out of words like “color” and “favorite”.”

Emma didn’t think she’d ever get over the way American terms sounded coming from him. She’d always had a thing for accents, and Killian’s was no different. Not that she planned on giving him the satisfaction of saying as much.

“As much as I actually want to sit and hear more about this, I’m starving. Give me a bit to get ready and I’ll be good to go.”

“Take your time, love. Any idea where you’d prefer to go yet?”

“I’m thinking Italian. There’s a place nearby that makes this really great margherita pizza I haven’t had in awhile. It’s great.”

“Sounds like a plan...as long as you’re not one of those people who likes pineapple on pizza. I may have to consider this whole relationship if that’s the case.”

“Have a little faith in me, Killian. I’m not that weird.”

“Just weird enough to nearly cook an oven mitt and confuse parsley with cilantro?”

He chuckled as she whacked his arm with a couch cushion before standing and heading to her room to get ready. “It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

After a quick shower, Emma changed into jeans and one of her nicer blouses. She hadn’t felt like taking the time and effort to wash her hair, so it was hastily styled into a braid that fell over her right shoulder. The only makeup she bothered with was mascara and lip gloss, taking advantage of her skin being clear that day.

“Okay, I’m ready,” she told Killian, entering the living room after she’d pulled on a pair of ankle boots and her red leather jacket.

She would have sworn his eyes lit up a bit when he looked up and saw her. Despite his constant physical and verbal affection since they’d gotten together, it still came as a surprise at times that he truly wanted her and shared her feelings. It was enough to make her feel like she could melt into a puddle right there on the living room floor.

(Or maybe not. They’d established during his last visit that making big messes in her apartment was a bad idea. The melting would have to be kept to a minimum.)

Killian set the book to the side and stood, pulling on his own leather jacket that had been draped across the coffee table. She walked over to him and he kissed her softly, taking her hand and giving it a brief squeeze. “You look stunning, Swan.”

“Thanks.” Emma ran her hand up and down his arm, the material of his jacket surprisingly soft. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“I know.” He smirked and she whacked her arm playfully against his chest.

“Looks like modesty isn’t one of your biggest traits.”

He considered the thought for a moment. “Perhaps not, but I make exceptional cupcakes.”

The way his eyebrows waggled almost made Emma reconsider going out after all. But the restaurant didn’t deliver, and she wanted her damn birthday pizza. They had almost three days left to hide away in the apartment and test his cupcake making abilities.

They opted to walk to the Italian place she’d chosen. She knew better than to try looking for a parking spot downtown at that point in the evening, and there was no need to call an Uber to drive them a handful of blocks away.

Much to Emma’s relief, the restaurant wasn’t busy when they arrived, the typical after work dinner crowd already come and gone it seemed. The waiter gave them a table in the room’s front corner, a choice that both gave them a bit of privacy and allowed them to observe anything happening on the streets outside.

She didn’t hesitate to order the biggest margherita pizza on the menu. Killian had already told her earlier that’s what he wanted too, and it was her birthday. Well, technically not anymore. But that wouldn’t prevent her from acting like it was all weekend.

While they waited, Emma told him how she’d discovered the restaurant with her friends a few years earlier. “It was Mary Margaret’s bachelorette party. We’d been at the bar, but I got us kicked out when some creep tried to get handsy with Ruby and I stepped in and punched him. Yes, the owner cared more about defending the guy more than he did the fact that he’d harassed her,” she added at the disturbed look on Killian’s face. “Anyway, we were all tipsy and pissed off and hungry when we left, and somehow ended up here and ate our weight in pizza until about two in the morning.”

“It sounds as if your evening ended on a pleasant note at least. Although I hope both of those blokes got their arses handed to them later.”

“Oh, that’s the best part. The bar closed down due to bankruptcy a few months later, and not long after, I got to drag the other guy in for not showing up at his court date.”

Killian barked out a laugh. “Good riddance. You are incredible, Swan.”

He laughed again at her giddy reaction when the pizza was brought out a few minutes later, even snapping a picture on his phone when he thought she wasn’t looking.

“Judge all you want.” She pulled off a slice and took a rather generous bite, savoring the taste of mozzarella and tomatoes. “You know food makes me happy,” she added, the words muffled through the pizza.

“Aye, that’s why I took the photo. I happen to quite like seeing you happy, about food or otherwise.” And he meant it. Emma had always been the type to deflect compliments or nice remarks from men, instead questioning what it was that they hoped to get from her in return. But she’d never felt the need to do that with Killian. Everything he said to her was honest and genuine, and for the first time in years, she was in a relationship where she felt truly at ease.

(Did she love him?)

“You make me happy.” It was the closest she could get to summing up her thoughts without overthinking it. Maybe she did love him, if she was being honest with herself, but that didn’t mean she needed to blurt out the words over pizza when they’d barely been dating a month.

Before she could overthink things, Emma quickly changed the subject to his job and the projects he and Liam had been working on. If she were being honest, she didn’t fully understand what the company did outside of the basic facts, but she still enjoyed listening to him talk about his responsibilities and the business deals they made. Maybe she was biased, but she knew without a doubt that Killian was great at what he did based on his knowledge of the basic mechanics of ships and the effort he put into his responsibilities. He was pretty fantastic, and yet somehow, he wanted to be with her.

(Yeah, she loved him. It was pointless to tell herself any different. She was a goner, and had been for awhile now.)

Dinner was followed by gelato from an ice cream shop down the street and a walk around the neighborhood, their fingers intertwined as Emma pointed out a few things and places she hadn’t shown him during his last visit. It occurred to her that the two of them probably looked like one of those couples from a Hallmark movie that she’d rolled her eyes at countless times before. Now, it only made her smile and give his hand an affectionate squeeze. How had she become such a romantic now?

“Have you enjoyed your evening, Swan?” Killian asked when they returned to the apartment later.

Emma kicked off her boots as soon as the door shut behind them. “Of course. Hot guy and good food, what’s not to love?”

It was hard not to laugh at the expression on his face when she made no move to pick up her shoes. She could almost see him itching to grab them up off the floor and put them in their designated place on her shoe rack. (As if she had a shoe rack. More like a shoe pile at best.) The irony of someone like her dating a neat freak was not lost on Emma. At least he was a good sport.

“I’m glad to hear that. Which reminds me, I have something in my suitcase for you.”

“You do? Why?” She dropped unceremoniously onto the couch and propped her socked feet up on the coffee table, Killian following suit.

“Honestly, love, did you really think I was coming to help celebrate your birthday without bringing you something to commemorate the occasion?”  

Frankly, yes. Hadn’t he already gone to enough trouble just by taking the time off and flying out to Boston? She told him so and he shrugged. “I wouldn’t call that trouble. I wanted to see you, after all.”

“Still,” she insisted, “you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know I didn’t, but I wanted to. I think you might get a kick out of it too.”

“Okay, you’ve got my attention now.”

“In that case, I might as well show you. Just a moment, love.”

Killian disappeared into the bedroom and returned with a square white box in his hands. “I hope you’ll forgive me for the lack of festive wrapping; I worried it would look worse for wear after being tucked in my suitcase.”

“Considering I don’t even try to wrap presents that aren’t Leo’s anymore, you are forgiven.”

He handed her the box after sitting back down. Emma quickly pulled off the lid and let out an excited giggle when she saw what was inside. “Is this what I think it its?”

It was a Funko Pop figure of Goose from Captain Marvel, the cat she’d mentioned her liking for during their first conversation via Facebook. Except this version had its mouth wide open with Flerken tentacles protruding from it.

“Aye. I remembered Goose being one of your favorite things about the film and couldn’t pass this up when I came across it online. Of course they have a version that makes him look like an ordinary cat, but something told me you might prefer this one for its, how would you say it, badassery?”

Emma laughed again at the sound of the word coming from his lips. “Badassery indeed. Thank you, Killian. This is great.”

“You really like it?”

“Of course I do. You’re so ridiculously thoughtful. I love you.”

It took her a moment to realize what she’d just said, the words leaving her lips without restraint. She quickly looked away from Killian, but not soon enough to see the way he stared at her, eyes wide and lips parted, clearly just as surprised.

Oh boy. She’d gone and blown it now, and just when things were going so well. Just because she’d started to accept the extent of her feelings when they were at the restaurant earlier didn’t mean she needed to turn around and tell him all of this so soon.

“I, erm,” Emma stammered, trying to hide her embarrassment. “I just meant-”

She was cut off as Killian leaned in to kiss her. This must be a good sign, she thought as his hands cupped her face softly.

“Did you mean that, Swan?” he asked when they pulled apart a moment later, his forehead resting against hers.

Emma felt the corners of her mouth turn up just the slightest bit. “Do you really think I would have said it if I didn’t?” she teased. “Yes, I meant it. Maybe it’s too soon and you’ll think I’m crazy for it, but it’s all starting to hit me now, how kind and funny and sweet and thoughtful you are, not to mention insanely hot even when you are infuriating. So yes, I love you, Killian.”

He raised an eyebrow, the smirk on his face almost sinful. “Insanely hot, eh?”

She rolled her eyes and acted as if to pull away from him when he reached over and took her hand in his. “Bloody hell, Swan. I’ve known I loved you for longer than you’d know. Possibly even when you sent me that first Facebook message all those months ago asking how we knew each other.”

“You loved me when all you knew was that I had decent taste in movies?”

“Something like that can be a dealbreaker. What if I didn’t have high standards and found myself stuck with someone who made us watch Transformers for the rest of our lives?”

The “rest of their lives” comment didn’t go unnoticed, Emma’s pulse picking up speed ever so slightly even as she gasped dramatically. “In that case, I’m so glad I saved you from a life of Michael Bay productions.”

“And I’m immensely grateful.” He brought their still joined hands to his mouth and pressed his lips to the back of her hand. “In all seriousness, though, I do love you, Swan.”

It was still hard for Emma to comprehend how a simple mix up on Facebook had changed so much about their lives. “And I love you. Even more so if you hand me the remote from the end table so we can see what’s on Netflix.”

“As you wish, my love.”

Thanks to her having the rest of the weekend off, she and Killian’s agenda on Friday consisted of little besides hiding away in the apartment in front of her TV (occasionally watching whatever was on, mostly distracted by other sorts of enjoyable activities.) Saturday would have been no different had Mary Margaret not called and insisted the two of them come over for lunch.

“We haven’t done anything for your birthday yet. Plus, David and Ruby both got to meet Killian during his last visit. It’s only fair I get to this time,” her sister-in-law had insisted.

“He’s been in town for more than two days; I’m surprised you’ve waited this long to make plans with us.” Part of her had expected a request like this the minute Killian’s flight had landed.

“Well, I had every intention of trying earlier, but David was afraid we’d catch you at a bad time so soon after he arrived with you two not seeing each other in so long and everything.”

Remind me to get David two Christmas gifts this year Emma thought to herself as she and Mary Margaret finalized their plans. Although maybe she was being too hopeful. Her brother hadn’t exactly been easy on Killian the first time they’d met, and that was before their friendship had grown into something else. (She made a mental note to have Killian bring up the Orioles as much as possible.)

“Are you sure you’re okay with all of this?” Emma asked him as she parked the bug outside David and Mary Margaret’s building. “I mean, I already know you’re going to say yes because of what kind of person you are, but they can be ridiculously overbearing.”

“It’s perfectly fine, Swan. I’m glad for the chance to spend time with people who mean so much to you.” He chuckled and added, “Besides, I know Liam would be the same should our roles ever be reversed.” Killian’s brother was his hero and someone he brought up often in their conversations, whether it be pertaining to their jobs or otherwise. She had no idea if going to London to visit him would be within her means any time soon, but the thought of meeting Liam and the other members of Killian’s family like he was about to meet hers made Emma smile.

“Here goes nothing,” Emma said once they’d exited the car. “Remember-”

“I know, Swan. Heavy on the baseball talk, light on the innuendoes.”

“Bingo.”

Much to her relief, the afternoon went over well. Mary Margaret adored Killian right off of the bat, and Leo was so insistent on keeping his attention that neither she nor David managed to get a chance to interrogate him or make comments that could send him running back across the pond.

“I gotta say, he seems to be a decent guy.” Emma and David were in the kitchen washing dishes after lunch while Leo performed whatever he’d learned in gymnastics that week for Killian and Mary Margaret. Thankfully, he spent enough time with his own nieces and nephew that the four-year-old’s antics didn’t seem to phase him.

“He’s great. And thanks for not going too Protective Big Brother on him again today.”

He was silent for a moment, lost in thought as he scrubbed at a plate and passed it to her to be rinsed and dried. “Admittedly, I think I did enough of that the last time. Plus, Mary Margaret made me promise to be easy on him.”

“Good for her.” Emma glanced over her shoulder and saw her sister-in-law laughing at whatever Killian had just said to charm her. “I think she loves him about as much as I do.”

She saw David raise an eyebrow out of the corner of her eye. “So it’s really serious then? You love him?”

“I do. I know it’s crazy with how we met and things are still new and we’re still figuring out how this is gonna work with an ocean between us. But, yeah. I love him.”

“In that case, I’m happy for you, Emma. I really am.” She knew he’d be wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her forehead were both of his hands not submerged in dish water. “But if he ever hurts you-”

“I know, you’ll make him swim back to London.”

“Darn right.”

The last part of their weekend flew by as quickly as the first, much to both of their chagrin. “I swear it feels like I just picked you up from the airport,” Emma murmured against his shoulder when they woke up on Sunday morning.

“I was just thinking the same. What’s that they say, time flies when you’re having fun and all?”

“Mhm,” she sighed. “Something like that.”

“I’m so glad I got to come see you again, though. Especially without work and meetings taking up so much of my time.”

“And you came out of family lunch unscathed too,” she pointed out. “I think Mary Margaret intentionally kept you preoccupied with her and Leo so David wouldn’t have a chance to do any interrogating.”

“I would have sat through an interrogation regardless just for that apple pie.”

“It is pretty incredible,” she agreed. “Don’t tell Mary Margaret, but I think David would have married her for that alone.”

“It wouldn’t be difficult to believe.”

With Killian’s flight being earlier in the afternoon, they didn’t have as much time to themselves left as both of them would have preferred. After grabbing breakfast (or brunch realistically at that point) at a cafe near the airport, Emma found herself telling him goodbye in the parking lot again.

“You’ll shoot me a message when you land?” she asked when Killian had retrieved his things from the back of her car.

“Aye. Perhaps we’ll have a chance to talk sometime tonight if my estimated arrival time doesn’t change.”

Emma nodded. “I’d like that. But if it’s late, go on to bed when you get home. You know your sleep schedule is going to be more discombobulated than it already is for the next few days.”

“Worth it.” Killian flashed her a smile and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m not exactly sure when I’ll be able to visit again. The holidays always complicate things at work a bit, and it won’t be long before Liam and Belle begin informing me of all the events and family gatherings I’m expected to attend.

“Of course. It wouldn’t be Christmas without Uncle Killy.” She pulled back and snickered at the exasperated look on his face. He’d mentioned in a previous conversation that Liam called him that from time to time and he hated it.

“For the last time, Swan, they do not call me that.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t take an opportunity to tease you about it.” Emma stood up on her toes to kiss him softly. “We’ll figure something out though, okay? Maybe bail bonds will be good to me soon and I can afford to come across the pond for a few days. I’ve always wanted to see cars drive on the other side of the road.”  

“How very American of you.”

“Maybe so. But you love me for it.”

“I do.”

Thanks to Killian’s flight proceeding as scheduled, Emma found herself on the phone with him later that night. Spider-Man: Homecoming played on both of their respective TV screens while she gave him her unofficial lecture detailing why Tom Holland was the best actor to date that the franchise had cast in the title role.

“I mean, look at it this way: Tobey MaGuire was a fine Peter Parker. He had the acting skills to play the nerdy kid who was just struggling to get through high school, but he just didn’t have that level of confidence you need to play a superhero. Then you have Andrew Garfield, who was the complete opposite. Sure, he’s got the wit and the confidence to be Spider-Man, but his Peter comes off too much like one of the cool kids. And as much as I love him, Peter Parker is not considered all that cool. He wouldn’t be bullied constantly if that were the case.”

“And Tom Holland manages to find a happy medium between the two,” Killian finished.

“Exactly!”

She heard him chuckling through the phone. “I’m glad we agree on this, love. Otherwise, I worry you may disown me.”

“Eh, I’m not sure I would go to that extreme. But it would put an awkward strain on things considering the MCU is pretty much a third party in this relationship.”

She and Killian did sort of owe the franchise for being the reason they met. Sure, Emma probably would have noticed him on her Facebook page sooner or later and reached out to inquire about who he was, but their first interaction stemming from Captain Marvel was special to her. It didn’t hurt that she now had Goose in Flerken-mode sitting on the shelf above her TV to remind her of him.

Not only was she turning into a romantic, he’d gone and made her all sentimental now too.

Over the next handful of weeks, they tried to keep up the same routine they’d had before of regular calls, texts, or FaceTimes. But, just as he’d predicted, Killian’s obligations and responsibilities both in and out of the office began to increase as they got further into November.

To her surprise, so did Emma’s. She rarely struggled to find work in bail bonds (no matter what happened, there was always someone evading the law.) But while crime rates usually tended to remain the same if not decrease during the colder months, the list of skips on her radar had grown considerably. The added work wasn’t a problem since she could use the money it brought in, but the change in pace on both sides, not to mention the time difference, meant planned phone calls and FaceTime dates were often missed for one reason or another.

By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, it had been almost a week since they’d had a legitimate conversation outside of brief texts sent whenever they had a moment to themselves. Of course problems like these could only be expected with an ocean and a five hour difference between them, but Emma hadn’t been prepared to face them so early in their relationship.

The whole thing was on her mind when she and her girl friends had their own version of Friendsgiving at David and Mary Margaret’s place the night before the actual holiday. They’d ordered Chinese takeout and were eating in the living room, Mean Girls quickly forgotten while they updated each other on their lives.

“What about you, Ems?” Ruby asked when Elsa had finished sharing the details of her upcoming trip to Norway. “I know there’s gotta be something to share about that British hunk of yours.” She shot Emma a wolfish grin. Of course this would be Ruby’s first question; she’d been asking for regular updates on Killian since the day she ran into he and Emma at Granny’s.

Emma shrugged. “There’s not much to share lately. One of us is always busy when the other’s not, so we haven’t really talked or anything nearly as much as we would have liked to over the past few weeks.”

“Will you get to see him for Christmas or New Years?” Elsa asked, a kind smile on her face. While Emma loved both Ruby and Mary Margaret, she appreciated knowing Elsa was asking because she genuinely cared, not because she wanted all the juicy details on her love life.

“Probably not. Even with me taking on extra work, a ticket to London is still kind of out of my budget, and Killian will have work stuff and plans with his brother’s family.” She failed to include that Killian had hinted around at opting out of his plans so he could visit, but she’d shut that idea down right away. The idea of taking him away from his family at the holidays seemed selfish, even if he’d been the one to make the suggestion.

“I’m sure everyone in a long distance relationship has these kind of issues from time to time,” offered Mary Margaret. “Hopefully things will slow down again after the first of the year and you two can go back to normal.”

Emma decided not to tell her sister-in-law just how far off the first of the year felt. There wasn’t a chance, though, since her phone began to vibrate where she’d left it on the coffee table. She knew before looking at the caller ID from WhatsApp that it was Killian.

She swore under her breath. Either she hadn’t mentioned her plans tonight to Killian, or it had slipped his mind. “Great timing. Sorry, guys. I’ll tell him it has to wait.”

“No!” all three of her friends exclaimed in unison.

“Friendsgiving be damned. You see us all the time, Emma,” said Ruby. “Now take the chance to talk to your boyfriend while you’ve got it.”

She drove a hard bargain.

Emma stood from the couch and slipped into David and Mary Margaret’s kitchen. She tapped the answer icon and brought the phone to her ear. “Hey, Killian.”

“Hello, Swan.” He sounded tired. If she could see him, Emma knew he’d be rubbing his eyes while trying to hold back a yawn. “I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m with the girls, but they can survive without me for a bit.”

“Oh, bloody hell. You did say something about having plans tonight, didn’t you? I’m sorry, love.”

“Yeah, but it’s really not a big deal.”

Killian sighed. She almost wished she had told him she was at home instead just so he wouldn’t feel guilty about calling when he did. “I still feel like a prat for interrupting. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go back to your friends? I can always try again for tomorrow night.”

“Killian, don’t beat yourself up about it. I love my friends, but in the words of Ruby, I see them all the time. I’m gonna take advantage of time to talk to you while we can.”

“Aye, well, as long as you don’t feel I’m intruding.”

Emma had always appreciated how considerate he was, but sometimes he could be so polite it was almost infuriating. “You are most definitely not intruding. I’ve missed you. Now tell me about your day- is that new guy with the bad attitude still driving everyone up the wall?”

Taking a seat at David and Mary Margaret’s kitchen table, she sat and listened for the next fifteen or so minutes to his recap of everything he hadn’t gotten the chance to fill her in on yet. Of course it was just a typical work week for him, with no one on his end taking time off for Thanksgiving and Black Friday. She pointed out as much to Killian.

“Ah, that’s right,” he commented. “I presume you have plans with David and Mary Margaret tomorrow?”

“I’m just having brunch with the two of them and Leo. They invited me to dinner with Mary Margaret’s family, but I always feel like I’m imposing whenever I go to something of theirs. That-” she paused and turned to make sure her sister-in-law was preoccupied in conversation before continuing “-and her stepmom kind of freaks me out. You’d think she was the queen or something by the way she talks to people.”

“I suppose it’s best you to keep your distance then, although I wish you didn’t have to spend the rest of the holiday alone. Perhaps I can plan to finish up a bit early at the office and we can watch something together? Or, well, sort of together. Something like that.”

Emma nodded, despite the fact that he couldn’t see it. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” It wasn’t what she really wanted- to see him and have them there with her again- but some things they’d have to make do with for now.

It felt as if the first three weeks of December had come and gone in a heartbeat. A thick blanket of snow covered Boston, as did the myriad of lights and decorations in various shades of red and green. Five days before Christmas, Emma found herself in a corner booth at Granny’s drinking eggnog, surrounded by everyone in their friend group and then some. Ruby had somehow gotten permission to close the diner early for their annual party rather than attempt to crowd into someone’s apartment for a few hours.

The night had been a success so far. Almost everyone Ruby invited had come, and there was more than enough food and alcohol to go around. (Not to mention the entertainment of impromptu Christmas karaoke that was a result of said alcohol.)

Emma enjoyed spending time with her closest friends and reconnecting with ones she hadn’t seen in awhile. One thing she couldn’t help but notice, however, was the amount of couples in the room.

There was David and Mary Margaret, of course, who only had eyes for each other more often than not. Anna and Kristoff were in town for the holidays and had come, and were busy chatting with Graham and his boyfriend, August. (It turned out he was the bartender Graham had been so infatuated with the night she met Killiam James.) Ruby’s on again, off again relationship with Dorothy was clearly on considering the two were not so subtly making out in the restaurant’s back room.

The only other person who seemed to be flying solo was Elsa. She walked over from the bar and took a seat across from Emma, who was now alone in the booth as David and Mary Margaret were (badly) serenading “White Christmas” to each other by the jukebox.

“I’d forgotten what alcohol does to them,” she told Elsa. While she loved her brother and sister-in-law, their duet was a far cry from Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney.

Elsa giggled. “Tell me about it. And Mary Margaret’s going to have the worst hangover tomorrow; they’re both such lightweights.” She turned back to Emma. “I’m more concerned about you looking so lonely over here by yourself though.”

“I’m not lonely,” Emma protested. “I’m just…” she trailed off, not wanting to voice what was really on her mind.

“Missing Killian? I thought so.”

Leave it to Elsa to be so perceptive. She somehow always knew what Emma was thinking about. “I know it’s silly. I mean, I just talked to him earlier and we haven’t been together long enough to where it feels like I should be moping about not spending a holiday with him. But yeah, I miss him a lot.”

“And I doubt the amount of couples in the room does much to help.”

“Oh, good. So I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“Definitely not,” Elsa assured her. “And your feelings aren’t silly. Sure, maybe you haven’t been together as long as couples like David and Mary Margaret or Anna and Kris, but you two had been close for months before you started dating. There’s no timeline your relationship has to follow either. Some couples are engaged after a month, and others wait years before deciding to take the next step. Relationships can be so different for everyone.”

Emma just nodded. Her friend had made too many good points for her to object. “And by different, you mean some people can accidentally meet on Facebook and bond over superheroes.”

Elsa flashed her a grin. “Exactly.”

“I know everything you said is true. I just can’t help but wonder how long this arrangement is going to work out. He’ll only have so many opportunities to come here, and even with me trying to save and cut back when I can, it could be months before I can afford to visit him.” She had considered trying to fly out for his birthday in the spring, but the cost of living in Boston plus a number of repairs to her car were making that idea seem less and less likely.

Her friend was quiet for a moment. “Or we could send you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“David will hate me for telling you this, but we were going to go in together to cover the repairs on the bug since we figured you would appreciate that than something to unwrap. But I have a feeling you’d appreciate getting to spend Christmas with your boyfriend even more.”

Elsa couldn’t be serious. Could she? “That is incredibly sweet of you to offer, but I can’t let you do that. Even if you did go in together, a plane ticket still wouldn’t be cheap, and I’m not sure Killian’s family wants me crashing their holiday plans without notice.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Elsa objected. “If they have any sense, they’ll be thrilled that Killian has you there to celebrate with him. Give me two minutes to see what we can work out.” She was out of the booth and running over to David and Mary Margaret before Emma had a chance to react.

The idea was unexpected, and even a bit ridiculous if she were being honest.

And yet, the morning before Christmas Eve, Emma found herself being dropped off at the airport by David, just as she’d done for Killian twice now. She’d managed to keep her last minute visit a surprise from him so far. Mary Margaret had somehow gotten in touch via Facebook with Belle, who would be picking her up when she arrived in London.

“I gotta say, I’m surprised you were so willing to agree with Elsa’s idea,” she told her brother as his car pulled into the parking deck.

David shrugged. “The alcohol helped,” he admitted. “Plus, I knew how much getting to do this would mean to you. And to Killian. As much as it would have pained me to admit it at one point, you two are good for each other.”

She leaned over the center console and kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you think so. Although I’m never gonna be able to make it up to you guys.”

“Don’t worry about making anything up. I wouldn’t mind an autograph from the queen though.”

Emma barked out a laugh. “I wouldn’t hold your breath on that.”

[snowfallsystem]

Trigger warning for suicide mention and self harm PLEASE do not read if it causes you distress. Just keep scrolling and have a lovely day!

So yea this is gonna be a sad one.

I only seem to get by from one thing to another. It's been going on for 2 months now. I can't kill myself now, lots of my family members have their birthdays this time of year.. I can't kill myself during birthday times. So I move on and now that all the birthdays are over for now it's already nearly Christmas time and I can't kill myself during Christmas time that'd be too cruel. And then soonish it'll be my birthday and as rough as it sounds maybe killing myself on my birthday would only give my family and friends one day a year where their loss becomes evident. I'm crying right now because of how much it'll hurt them all but I honestly don't want to live anymore. I don't fit in and I'll never will. I don't know how to live I've only known how to exist. I've tried so many times to get out of this depression hole but I kept falling back in for years. I'm just not sure if I can do this so much longer. I want to leave.

[gulabijamuns]

super thanks to @audriel who tagged me! this was lots of fun!

Nickname(s): andy, eggs or my Real Name (tm)

Star Sign: taurus

Height: 166 cm! a short gremlin

Time: 1:30 am must sleep soonish maybe maybe not

Birthday: 10th may

Favorite Fruit: lychees and mangoes and strawberries and apples and also watermelon fruits r good for u eat them all

Favorite Season: rainy season because have u ever danced in the first rain of the year it is divine and feel this euphoria and sometimes lectures are canceled which is cool cool

Favorite Flowers: sunflowers! and marigolds

Favorite Scents: lists all the scents in my facewash

Favorite Color: gray or black or sap green or navy blue or mellow yellow do u really expect me to list the rainbow smh

Favorite Animals: my darling angel ginger and my dearest sweetheart! also peep the cat whom i took to the vet a few months ago and who was adopted recently!!! 

Favorite bands/artist: oh So Many but spotify tells me i’ve been listening to a lot of bloc party and hot chelle rae lately so yeah

Song(s) Stuck in my head: shotgun by george ezra

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last movie I watched: the exorcism of emily rose (a super duper bad idea) 

Last TV show I watched: lust stories

What I post: pretty garbage

Do I get asks: not really unless my friends leave sweet things in my inbox!!

URL meaning: so gulab jamuns are a sweet dish right but jamun or jamuni is purple and gulabi is rose pink which is hilarious because gulab jamuns are neither gulabi nor jamuni but are, in fact, turd-looking

Average hours of sleep: 4 on a good day :c

Favorite Fictional Character: i refuse to answer this without a lawyer present

Number of Blankets I Sleep With: two if i can get away with it because i was not put on this earth to be a wuss

Dream Trip: oh man a day off to just sleep would be great but visiting the galapagos islands would be fantastic actually would love to make friends a darwinian finch or two

Blog Created: in 2011 which is maths number of years ago

Random Fact: ooooh i just finished my assignment on hepatitis b and now im rly shook and want to learn more about other diseases despite having the least interest in medicinal microbiology (aka my current unit) which is great and all but i ,need to present it tomorrow ugh,

gonna taaaaaaag @casualavocados @yahabinch and @smo1cactus

[sammusbird]

i’m not doing well mentally lately, feeling very hopeless and tired. Like there’s a bunch of hurdles I need to keep jumping and my legs are getting numb and something’s gotta give y’know?

I know the end of the school year is soonish, but.... well first of all my birthday is finals week so I’ll be spending another one alone lol. I had a family member die last finals week and I still haven’t had time to mourn (?!). And..... my schedule for next year is even worse than this semesters. It just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, and I’m going to somehow have to find internships and then a job???? In these conditions??????? not feeling well

I’ve also begun failing 2 of my classes, so I can’t even take a single day off, or this will have been for nothing. I don’t think I can afford to take a fifth year of college, but I need to, to slow the pace. My grades were fancy or whatever last semester but the scholarship people are being assholes for no apparent reason... uh I’m probably not going to be eligible after this semester so that’s a bummer too. Feeling angry. Might start literally biting people lol. Just found out the university offers 8 free sessions of therapy? I definitely won’t go but maybe thinking about going will help. lol. yikes

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

listen... i miss gmw. gimme a lil something something bout the kids' college graduations?? maybe baby penny is sick all over Farkle's diploma and it's ruined for framing and Jennifer can't BELIEVE the AUDACITY of this infant CHILD and maybe joshaya are running late late late late bc whoops impromptu trip to denmark on smthg and the plane was delayed but FSCK WE GOTTA GRADUATE or something. idk. what i do know is that i love ur blog and riarkle, in that order xxxx

You sent this in like maybe a week or so ago and I’ve been ignoring it in fear of becoming Trash once more but I just realized that it’s Riley’s birthday and life is a nightmare so the Trash Is Unleashed™

Okay so Maya stayed in New York for college as we know, but Riley and Farkle fucked off away to some Ivy League out of state

You readers can put them wherever your pretty little hearts desire, I personally like the thought of them in Boston (and I feel like it’d be a nice little circle since Feeny’s from Boston let me live)

But anyway, they’ve stayed as close as ever!!! Time and distance have no power over them!!! We know this!!!

Like we’re talking facetiming, constant texting, a group chat with memes they can’t explain to anyone else, phone calls, they all know what’s up with each other constantly

For the record they are still in touch with Zay, Smackle and Lucas but it’s just like. not CONSTANT communication you know. Like they’re group chat still lives but it’s college + Riley and Farkle have a kid so they’re all busy

But anyway

So Riley’s got her astrophysics and journalism courses aced, Farkle’s fully set to go into politics, and Maya’s art major is done with.

And you know. Our fav ot3 has been together most of their lives. They graduated middle school and high school together and they couldn’t wait to see each other graduate college

But…they were blindsided

No one had ever suspected their colleges would have the audacity to schedule their graduations on the same day

Does Riley pull a Topanga and try to fight her schools dean??? Absolutely 

Does it work? Absolutely not

So now the ENTIRE family is stressed, because most of the Matthews consider Maya part of the family, so does Minkus, Shawn can’t see his goddaughter graduate and Josh is left with the delima of “Girlfriend vs Niece”. They’re all freaking out like holy shit

Riley and Maya are just….in Full Dramatics about this

We’re talking waxing Shakespearean sonnets about the Universe™ trying to tear them apart. They make their way back to all that Sun and the Moon symbolism bullshit

After a literal week of this Farkle is TIRED

Wakes up to his four year old telling him “Mommy’s wearing a lot of eyeliner and said the world is a dark and spiteful place that doesn’t want her and Auntie Maya together and that every moment they share is in blatant defiance of fate. What’s that mean?” and this poor guy is just like,,,,,,for fucks sake,

Like obviously he wants to see Maya graduate too!!! They’re best friends!!! But these girls are EXAHUSTING him lmao

So he has a Plan, but he also knows how his Plans usually go, so he just gives tf in and calls his dad to handle it lmao

Meanwhile: Joshua

Who has just been….literally screaming nonstop since this drama unfolded

Riley’s his BLOOD, even though they’re uncle-niece they have more of a close sibling relationship

But he literally has a ring ready and waiting for Maya!!! 

And the boy is a fucking Matthews so of course HE’S in dramatic throws about this predicament 

He calls Cory for advice and Cory is like “You’re going to Maya’s because you love her and I’m not paying for your fucking flight to Boston” lmao

So it ends up with like. Katy, Shawn, Turner, Josh (+ his four bandmates), and Zay (bc he’s in the city and Broke), and Ava end up going to Maya’s ceremony 

With Cory, Topanga, Stuart, Amy, Alan, Eric, Auggie, Smackle and Feeny going to Riley and Farkle’s ceremony

Jack couldn’t get off work and Doesn’t Super Care and Morgan’s in Europe for work so they’re unfortunately off the list

They forgot to invite  Lucas didnt want anymore choosing between the girls bullshit couldn’t make the trip because of work lol

So anyway: Farkle’s Plan that was funded by Stuart? 

Absolutely got remote controlled robots so they could keep up a video call for both ceremonies 

You know damn well what I mean

Cory thinks this is absolutely the funniest fucking thing he’s ever heard of

Eric thinks this is a sign of the impending Robot Wars™

The girls are still massively upset and think Farkle’s a fucking dork but they’re very touched and love him yadayada so this calms them down a bit

But anyway like, we get to the big graduation day and like….disasters, disasters all around

Josh’s Stoner Friend™ keeps knocking into the damn robot and almost breaks it like thirty times in an hour

Eric is giving the robot at Riley and Farkle’s site a wide berth with suspicious eyes

Auggie, Cory and Penny are all suspiciously sick but are trying to power through the ceremony 

All the other students and people attending these graduations…..you know these whackjobs are getting looks. Some assholes in the crowd keep throwing stuff at the robots

Shawn and Katy are making a HUGE SCENE crying hysterically we all know they would

Jennifer makes a surprise, dramatic appearance at Farkle’s graduation

We’re talking pulling up in a limo, emerging in slow motion, wearing a glittering black evening gown, elbow length black satin gloves, stilettos and a huge hat with peacock feathers on it, making a show of searching the crowds before spotting him (standing directly in front of her) before throwing out her arms and screeching “My baby-!”

Farkle’s like ‘We literally have not spoken in at least six years will you please get the fuck out of here’

She does not, in fact, get the fuck out of there so Topanga is now on duty to make sure she and Stuart don’t get into a fight and ruin this for the kids asdfgj

Feeny keeps fucking falling asleep bc he’s old and doesn’t care about the guest speakers but he SNORES WORRINGLY LOUDLY

Students aren’t technically allowed to have devices™ out during the ceremonies so Riley and Farkle and Maya are trying so hard to be discrete as the watch the feed from each other’s graduations 

They literally end up paying more attention to each other’s graduations than their own lmao

Josh’s bandmates and Zay are all being the rowdiest fucking audience members possible like they’re all those assholes that bring noise makers and scream and clap at random intervals

Stuart and Jen keep shooting each other withering glares and trading insults as Topanga shushes them

Penny, Auggie, and Cory are just feeling more and more like Literal Death the longer this drags on 

Maya finally goes up to get her diploma and Katy literally faints

Riley and Farkle start cheering bc yay Maya!!! Until they remember they’re at their own ceremony and there is LITERALLY A SPEECH HAPPENING SO THEY’RE SCREAMING INTO THE QUIET AND INTERRUPTING EVERYTHING

Get glared back into submission but Maya’s laughing at them 

Maya’s graduation ends soonish after that but the other one is DRAGGING ON STILL so everyone is like crowed around trying to watch on Maya’s tiny screen lol

When the speech finally ends Smackle’s muttering about how everything said was factually incorrect 

Stuart and Jen are still antagonizing each other

Amy and Alan are taking enough pictures to blind people with the flash

So Riley gets called up for her diploma first right

Trips

Hard enough to fall off the fucking stage

Had to be helped back up by memebers of the band

Gets back on stage and gets her diploma

Falls again coming down

Amy and Topanga are s c re a m i ng and Maya is literally crying from the effort it takes to not laugh

Jen’s making obnoxious comments about who her son was ‘trapped’ by and Penny wants to know what that means and Stuart is prepared to stab Jen if she bothers to answer

Riley’s literally off to the side getting looked at by a medic when Farkle goes up for his diploma

He gets it fine enough but coming downstage he’s overcome with the urge to do ‘thank you I am farkle’

he didn’t realize the student that was called up after him was right behind him

punches this kid in the face, he falls

the person behind them falls

a fcucking domino effect of ivy league graduates 

Eric is literally crying from laughter watching this. So are his fucking bodyguards like they broke character bc this scene was Too Much

Feeny is back to snoring

The New York crowd is loosing their fucking minds

Farkle’s rushing back to his seat and Jen stands up to get his attention to Yell at him for being embarrassing and

Penny just fucking projectile vomits all over her

She’s SCREAMING

Cory opens his mouth to apologize and explain that she’s been sick and HE PUKES. WHICH SETS AUGGIE OFF

EVERYONES SCREAMING 

Listen it was a huge crowd but three people projectile vomiting is gonna cause a STIR

People are rushing away and it’s a whole mess of a scene

The nyc crowd is Alive watching this all unfold 

Eventually the ceremony ends and Riley and Farkle lowkey lock theirselves in their apartment for the rest of the night

Everyone thinks they’re just embarrassed but they’re fucking cracking up hysterically like it took two hours to give Penny a bath because they couldn’t catch their breath

At some point they settle down a bit and call Maya and the three of them spend the rest of their night drowning in nostalgia 

This is messy as fuck but I’m out of practice anyway

^ me when I think about gmw these days

[so-caffeinated]

Okay, SO... I think this is probably the best way to reply to my spoilery asks. Responses are below the cut. There are spoilers for all currently posted chapters including the unscheduled one posted today. 

There will also be some minor spoilers in answers for future chapters. 

Sound good? Here we go!

###TEMPEST SPOILERS BELOW### 

(1) Hi!! Long time lurker, first time commenter and I just have to say how much I love your stories!! Two guesses on the Jules/husband spoiler. 1) You mentioned the fact that Jules' husband is good at dancing, and an anon asked if she and her husband met through dancing. You replied no, which makes me lean towards Alex being her husband since Jules and Jackson's first meeting is when he's photographing her while she's dancing

(2) Also in the same ask, you talked about Jules dancing by herself at a BBQ to get her husband's attention, which is something I can picture happening at a Will's house with the other firemen. 2) You said in response to a different ask that Jules is a better cook than the other kids because she bonds with her mother-in-law over it. You also characterized their relationship as having the "potential to be very rocky."

(3) Because Alex's dad died in the Undertaking, I feel like Jules' status as a Queen could potentially make for an awkward conversation at Thanksgiving. :) Hope these make sense!! Thank you for sharing your work and characters with us!!!

FFS, Anon. You should have seen my eyes bug out when I read these. Wow. You’re awfully close to spot-on here. The ‘Jules dancing by herself at a BBQ to get her husband’s attention which is something I can picture happening at Will’s house with the other firemen’ is ABSURD. It’s Alex’s house, not Will’s, but otherwise... basically, yeah. Chapter after next, Anon. Chapter after next... and WHEW, it’s a scene. 

She will - though not during Tempest - bond with her mother-in-law largely over cooking. When Jules is committed, she gives her whole self and her whole heart. By the time she falls in love with Alex, she loves all of him. That means his heritage and culture, too. So she learns Spanish and she tries more Mexican foods and she learns to cook some of it, amongst other things. That said... winning over Mama Castillo is not gonna be easy. She liked Alex’s on-again/off-again ex-girlfriend. And... Jules is ten years younger than Alex, she’s not Catholic, she’s not Mexican-American, and she’s a Queen. Alex is her only child and Jules is far from the woman she’d pictured for her little boy. 

So I think I know who Jules husband might be. I previous asks you said that if her husband hadn't met Jules, in the other timeline, he would probably have had a daughter with his on again off again girlfriend and I think you said before that Alex(?) had an on again off again girlfriend ( or it was in a chapter)? So I think her husband is Alex.

This is one of those types of spoilers that I forget that I’ve said, but yes. In the other universe he’d have had a daughter with Marisol, his on-again/off-again ex-girlfriend. Having a baby fixes nothing in a relationship, though, and they would have ultimately ended things for good. But Alex never finds something in that universe like what he has with Jules here. There’s nothing even close. Excellent catch, Anon.

I know you can’t respond to this yet but OMG JACKSON NOO POOR JULES IM CRYING IT WAS SO GOOOOOD

ANON! Thank you. Also? I wrote that scene on my birthday. It’d been in my head forever, so it was good to finally get it out, but oh lord... it wasn’t easy. I love Jackson. I really, really do. Killing him was rough. 

I am at work reading Tempest and OH MY GOD! This is AMAZING. Your writing is just incredible. I mean, it always has been but this is just beyond. That death. I wasn't expecting it and I had no idea I was so attached to that character! I'm sobbing! And I was already invested in Jules but now I feel 10x more invested in her and her story. I'm so excited to see where all this goes. THANK YOU! This is truly a gift.

Thank you, Anon! That death scene is one of the few things I’ve written that felt like they came out exactly as I pictured. And it’s been in my head a long time. I’m so, so glad you’re invested in this story because it’s entirely hijacked my life. It well and truly has. And being able to share it with people who appreciate it genuinely means the world. 

Omg I love tempest. I was majorly shocked with Jacksons death though ...you definitely made me tear up being the amazing writer you are. Can you confirm that it's Alex now as her husband ? I don't know how I will survive waiting till next week!!!!!

Clearly, I couldn’t wait til next week either. THANK YOU! And yes, yes I can confirm now that Alex is her eventual husband. Julex rises, my friend!

Ok did Jackson fake his own death to protect her please say yes is he Sentinel and they will find each other again cause I’m just really heartbroken I know it’s for a reason but I really loved Jackson like a lot and now I’m so sad but thanks for the story I kind of wanted the whole thing out so I could read it all I know that’s a bit selfish but when I read I can’t put it down .

Oh, Anon... He did not. I’m sorry. I love Jackson a lot, too, and killing him was hard, but it was absolutely necessary. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I’m glad you’re enjoying the story! I can understand wanting to read it all at once. You can, eventually? If that’s an consolation? But I’m glad you’re loving it even weekly (or slightly more than weekly when I get impulsive).

I just read the prologue and the first chapter and if you want me I’ll be sitting in the corner crying my heart out. literal tears are pouring out of my eyes. This is gonna be so painful. and when he calls her Julie I feel my heart breaking into pieces WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME JANIS? I DIDNOT ASK FOR THESE EMOTIONS!!!

I am mean and horrible and honestly how do you not know that by now? Sorry. I’m kidding. Maybe I shouldn’t be. SO... is it painful? Yes. But more than that it’s hopeful. At it’s core, this is a story about learning to live with loss instead of just surviving it. I think there’s a lot of joy and optimism in it, too. And I’m pretty sure you’ll agree with me there in time. There are ups and downs, progression and regression... Coping with something like this, getting to a place where you’re more than just okay, isn’t the kind of thing that happens in a straight line. But how Jules learns and copes and changes her viewpoint is really the heart of the story. And there are a lot of emotions ahead. Buy wine, chocolate and tissues. 

OH MY GOD JANIS!!! You're killing me today! First with your amazing new story and then I went to your pinterest page and... Sylvia Castillo??? I'm dead now!!!

You were the first one to catch this, Anon! The Pinterest page has undergone more changes since you sent me this, too. But... YES... Sylvia Castillo. Genuinely one of the sweetest children to ever exist fictionally or otherwise. 

Yay!!! I knew hubby was Alex!!!!! So happy to be right! Love this story so much. Jules is my fave

Thank you, Anon! I’m happy you’re right, too, because Julex is my ship. (Okay I have lots of ships, but Julex is... whew). Glad you’re enjoying it, Anon. Thank you!

Alex marries Jules omg I knew it I had a sliver of hope for my bud Jackson but then you know he’s dead and all break my heart a little bit but at least Alex’s is cool are we at the point where you can confirm this lol cause Pinterest just gave stuff away so you know just wondering please say yes;)

LOL, yes, anon, I will confirm. And thank you! I do adore Jackson (and hey there are infinite universes so he’s out there... somewhere... right?), but it’s Julex for me. Alex is an awesome guy and I can’t wait for you guys to see more of him. I love him like crazy. And you guys are way more active on my Pinterest page than I’d realized!

I love Tempest so far and I'm excited to read more about Jules' journey ! Your writing makes me look forward to Monday mornings and starting the week ( even though some chapters are more heart breaking than others lol) Poor Jackson and Jules, I thought that they might break up because of Jules keeping team Arrow a secret but I didn't want to believe that Jackson would die because he was so sweet and made Jules happy. I'm excited to read more about Jules, thank you for writing ! <3

Thank you, Anon! Jackson was sweet and he did make Jules happy. He would never have left her... not for anything, really. He loved her so much. You will get to see some of that still, even though he’s gone. Both through Jules and other sources. But her journey is mostly about learning to live with having lost him and how to cope with that in a better way. There is a lot of heartbreak in this story, but I also think there’s a lot of love and joy, too. For sure, we are not done with the tears. But we’ve barely scratched the surface on the good stuff. Promise. ;-)

After Jackson's death (soonish after and later on) does Jules have any sort of relationship with Jackson's family( mom, dad, sister) since you said they liked Jules ? Or would it have been too painful for all of them ? Would they have visited Jackson's dog ?

This is a great question. I actually had originally planned a scene between Jules and Jackson’s mom but never wound up writing it. They were both going to be visiting his grave. Jules does still keep in touch with them. They don’t live locally or anything, but she and Bokeh are a connection to Jackson still. I think more than anything else, she and Jackson’s mom and sister e-mail each other. She probably sends them invitations to the occasional art exhibit or whatnot. They aren’t fantastically close, but there’s still affection and a link between them.

 You probably can't answer this (yet?) because it's too spoilery but with Jules eventual husband ... does their relationship start the traditional way (asked out on dates, she tells family/friends etc) or is it more of a secret/affair that they try to hide for a while? (I ask this because my theory is Alex is her husband and as one of Will's friends/coworkers, and Jules currently only looking for sex and not emotions, things start more hidden, if that makes sense)

You’re close, Anon. I’m gonna say you’re half right. Watch for the fifth full chapter (after the prologue so AO3 will call it chapter 6). You’ll get this fully answered there. 

OMG!!!! IT'S ALEX!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!! I have been firm in this suspicion ever since the ameliam babysitting sylvia chapter! I completely missed the name hint and I speak Spanish and Castillo is the last name of some of my extended family lol. Anyways this is awesome!!! Now I'm curious about Will's reaction to his friend dating his little sister.

Thank you!!! Will’s reaction... is something that probably depends on what exactly he knows and how he knows it, don’t you think? You’ll get to see that... though it’s a bit further down the line.

sooo, is working with two of his siblings-in-law ever weird for Will, or... ? --- (I know you can't talk about that, I just can't wait until you finally can!!!)

You’re assuming some things about Ellie and Sara here, Anon! But with Will and Alex, once Jules and Alex are really firmly together and later married, I think it takes a lot of adjusting. For one thing, they can’t have quite the same conversations they did before, can they? Alex is not discussing his love life with Will anymore, you know? But they trust and love each other as family as it is. They’ve had each other’s backs for a very long time. And that’s not something that’s going to change. 

OH MY WORD. OH MY WORD. WE'RE ONLY TWO CHAPTERS IN & WORDS CANNOT ACCURATELY EXPRESS MY LOVE OF THIS STORY. ALSO I AM BEYOND UPSET THAT I DIDNT NOTICE THAT CONNECTION. A Castle for a Queen....I'M SOBBING. I've had a theory for a long time that Jackson would die, Will would be severely injured in a fire, & Jules would meet Alex as Will is being loaded into the ambulance/taken into surgery. You said a while back that when Jules & Alex meet something else is demanding her attention so... ;).

NO ONE caught that I was giving a Queen a Castle. NO ONE. Not even people who knew who she wound up with. I pat myself on the back a lot. I felt very JKR-like for that. You got awfully close with your theory there, Anon! Very, very close. Great guess!

Hi so I'd planned on my next message being far more eloquent but NOPE SORRY I HAVE ZERO CHILL IM SHRIEKING OH MY WORD. THIS CHAPTER WAS INCREDIBLE. ALL THE HEART EYES 😍😍😍😍😍😍😉😍😍AND AMELIAM. OMW AMELIA. AND THE PREGNANCY SCARE. AND ELARA. ALSO ITS HAPPENING. CHAPTER FOUR. THE BBQ. JULES DANCING. ALEX COMBUSTING. I HAVE LESS THAN ZERO CHILL. AND HIS "JULIANNA." I LOVE THAT HES THE ONLY ONE THAT CALLS HER THAT. I SHIP IT LIKE FREAKING FED-EX. 🏰♥️👸🏻

I love this so much? LOL. Ameliam... Yeah... my ‘damn it Amelia’ tag is earned. You’ll find out more about that later. Also about the pregnancy scare. Chapter four is actually more plotty than anything else, but chapter five is the BBQ and chapter six is... you’ll like chapter six. Alex always calls her Julianna. Never Jules or Julie or anything else except some nicknames.... which you’ll get to in a bit. He has a few. I AM SO GLAD YOU SHIP IT! I love Julex so much! Thank you!

Oh man I know Tempest is going to be soooo good! Today's chapter has to be one of my favorites with everything going on! Finally Jules and Alex are in the open and I adore them so much and am so excited to see more from them. Also ever since I first found out about them I have been wanting to see Will's reaction to it and if it is anything like with Javi it is going to be very interesting and really entertaining to see. Also wow, Amelia did get married and Will thought he was going to be a dad😱

Thank you! I loved this chapter. And Julex... oh Julex... they have so much more to see. I am beyond excited to share more! You’ll get Will’s reaction, too, but that’s a bit further on in the story. Amelia... did get married. She did. Not the best choice she ever made, let’s leave it at that for now. Will - very briefly - did think he might be going to be a dad. I think his own reaction to that surprised him, especially given the circumstances, and I reeeeeeeeeeeally wanna write that. Like right now. It’s a Big Moment with some major parallels. 

OH. MY. GOD! THANK YOU for posting Chapter 3 early. I'm SO obsessed with this story! Questions because of course ... How old is Alex? At this point in the story, does Sara know how Ellie feels about her? Without getting too spoilery, does Sara know how she feels about Ellie at this point (platonic or otherwise)? Also ... Amelia got married????!!!!

Alex is 34 and Jules is 24 in this story. She’s not-quite-ten-years younger than him. Sara does know how Ellie feels about her and Sara also knows how she feels about Ellie. It’s not exactly as simple as that, though. Which you’ll get to later. And Amelia did get married and I AM SORRY but she did. She did. It wasn’t her best choice ever, but there we go. There will be more on that later, but not in Tempest. Thank you!!

FiCoN just keeps getting better and better and I'm really looking forward to everything that is left! P.S. I think it really is a testament to your writing ability how even though I already knew Alex was Jules husband and was really excited for that relationship and we only met Jackson a few times, I felt gutted by his death. I know there is so much more story to tell with everyone's lives and I absolutely can't wait to read everything you have to share!

Thank you! Getting better is absolutely the ultimate goal. I always want to be better than my last story and Tempest feels like a big step forward to me. I’m glad it still impacted you even knowing about both Alex and Jackson. That means a ton! And there is so much story left to tell. If I stepped back and looked at it all at once, it might be daunting. lol

THANK YOU FOR THE EARLY CHAPTER!!! OMG Jules and Alex are HOT!!! They are even better than I imagined!!! Honestly I probably looked like a crazy person while reading with all the smiling and squealing i was doing. And that Amelia reveal!! I always feared that would happen. Poor Will but I'm excited to eventually see what happens there. Also super curious about the QI girl. Anyways Julex is amazing I am officially in love w/ them!!!

Thank you! Jules and Alex are... possibly the steamiest stuff I’ve written yet. They smolder. Their sex scenes are insane. And when @dust2dust34 edits them they’re a million times better. She’s gotten through two so far and it’s absolutely bonkers how hot they are oh my god. With Amelia... yeah... so there’ll be more on that later. Also about Will because I’m dying to write about him and ‘the girl from QI’ so much oh my god. It’s gonna be a great scene. SHIP JULEX! Definitely ship Julex. Julex is OTP. <3

[artificialqueens]

My loneliness is killing you (Vatya) /Part 9/ - Polly

Author’s Note: So here’s the next MILKY chapter that I had done for the longest time except one paragraph. But times are tough but good (Guess who works 30 hours a week and also has Uni on 2 days). Anyway, this isn’t anything special but I do love this fic so I hope you enjoy!! xx

(PS: I’m rereading ‘A story about love’ and it will come back out of its semi absence soonish (soon as in probably this year) and this is a promise)

TW: mention of human trafficking, mention of underaged prostitution

All Chapters on AO3 and AQ

Sneak into my DM’s (ok its my ask box) here and drop me a line

Summary: ‘How to Get Away with Murder’ trophy wife style. (LESBIAN AU)

(2.1k)

Before

It’s early morning morning and the sun makes the baby hairs around Katya’s face look golden and Violet calls her beautiful. She tells Katya that her parents are in jail, that most her family is in jail, that her parents were con artists and that Violet has stopped calling a long time ago when they breakfast half an hour later. Katya just nods but doesn’t look surprised. Sometimes Violet forgets that Katya didn’t grow up as a pretty spoiled princess either.

“I came to America because my uncle sold me to settle a debt,” she says instead. There’s a pause that stretches on for a long time. Katya starts to look uncomfortable. “Sold you?” Violet asks slowly.

“Yeah.” Violet pauses again and tries to figure out how to just brush over human trafficking but finds it kind of hard to drop it. “How? Why? What? When?” she blurts out instead. Katya laughs a little now. “He was in a gang or the mafia or something. I actually never found out. One day he comes to our house and tells my mom he’s going to America and that I should come because there’s a lot of opportunities there and you know…. my mom…,” she pauses for a moment “she loved me a lot so she said yes. She didn’t know. She couldn’t have known and she meant well. But there I was, 16 years old and in a plane for the first time and I thought that nothing can be this bad when the world can look this small. Then my uncle bought me to a crack house slash brothel slash all things illegal and said 'those people will take care of you Yekaterina. Be good.’” She deepens her voice when she says that and smiles, fucking smiles when talking about her uncle pimping her out. “And then I was there until I was 18 and it was pretty bad.” She doesn’t go into detail and Violet imagines horrible things and knows that it probably was ten times worse. “When I was 18 I was legal and they upgraded me and then I was a high class Russian whore. That’s how I met David.” She shrugs her shoulders and takes a bite of her blueberry muffin and her and Violet stare at each other for a moment, Violet with furrowed brows and Katya almost expectantly while chewing. “It wasn’t that bad,” she adds after a long moment, looking almost sorry. “Right,” Violet breathes out quickly when she realises that a long time has passed without her saying anything. It was bad but it’s too similar to the stories Violet has heard before, stories of her cousins, her friends from school and Violet knows that Katya knows it’s bad too but it’s easier to not acknowledge some things sometimes. And Violet understands how Katya can stay in her abusive relationship for years. This is better than before and sometimes better is as good as it gets.

Christian calls her some time later to tell her that he’s sending a driver for later in the day to get Violet because his parents are coming to town and Violet wants to cry because somehow his mother is even worse than Christian himself.

Katya draws lazy patterns on Violet’s arm and tells her she’s going to be okay. She looks sorry and so much younger when she kisses Violet goodbye later and tries to tell both of them that it will be alright.

- The winter passes in one cold, sad blur. Violet runs into Katya once two days before Christmas and they go for coffee and Katya complains about how for David it all seems to be about money and fancy parties and expensive gifts.

“Our Christmas would be different,” she says.

“Our as in your and my Christmas?”

Katya blinks at her for a moment. “Yeah, your and my Christmas. I think it would be nice.”

“I don’t like Christmas,” Violet says before taking a sip of the hot chocolate with cinnamon Katya had forced her to get while telling her ‘to ‘shut the fuck up about fat percentages and get in the holiday spirit, Violet.’

Katya grabs onto Violet’s underarm with both her hands and looks at Violet manically. “What?”

“I….,” Violet looks at Katya’s face intensely and is suddenly feeling like she’s saying the wrong thing. “…never liked Christmas?”

Katya lets go of Violet’s atm and throws her hands up in surrender with an accompanying groan and Violet thinks she’s being a bit dramatic. “But why? I mean I get that it’s grossly intertwined with capitalism over here but it’s about love and family and all that. Who would hate that?”

“I never said I hate it, I-“

“You didn’t say you love it either, you actually said you never-“

“Can you not interrupt me? I said I don’t like it. It’s not like I hate it.”

Katya is quiet for a moment. “But… why?”

Violet shrugs her shoulders. “My parents were criminals and apparently Christmas was the busiest time of the year. So I spend Christmas at my neighbor’s house. But Pearl’s mom was a drug addict so it wasn’t really that great either.”

“Pearl is a stupid name.”

“You’re only saying that because I told you I had sex with her once.”

“Maybe so.”

Violet only grins back and Katya shakes her head slowly but Violet can see the smile in the corner of her lips.

“Anyway,” Katya continues with an eye roll “if you and I would have Christmas together we’d do it all. Bake all the Christmas cookies, decorate the tree, decorate all the cookies, watch Christmas movies, eat all the Christmas cookies and-“

“What the fuck that’s so domestic. Are you alright,hon?” Violet grins and puts her hand up against Katya’s forehead and pretends to check for her temperature.

Katya bats her hand away with a small laugh. She takes Violet’s hand in between both of her own. “You’re awful,” she says and smiles.

They talk about everything and nothing and Christmas a lot and it’s nice, so nice but then David picks Katya up and his stares make Violets skin crawl.

-

She sees Katya twice after their coffee date. Both times at parties and they can’t really talk but Katya doesn’t look fully miserable and that has to do for now.

When spring comes to New York so does Violet’s cousin Kurtis. Christian suddenly has a business trip that lasts the entirety of Kurtis’ stay. Precisely. Christian tells her to just take Katya to brunch with Kurtis instead and Violet tries to not look too pleased.

Kurtis spends most of the brunch watching Violet and Katya. He kicks Violet under the table once and whispers something about non existing subtlety in her ear while Katya is ordering another coffee.

It’s a bit later, when all three of them are done eating and decided to go shopping that he takes Violet to the side while Katya is trying on shoes on the other side of the store.

“You love her,” he says matter of factly. Violet laughs nervously, glances at Katya and forces Kurtis to try on six pairs of shoes and buys them all. He tries to refuse but Violet insists and mumbles something about birthdays or christmases and it it feels like hush money that she knows won’t work on Kurtis because he would’ve never told anyone in the first place. He doesn’t let it go either though. They’re sitting on the sofa, legs entangled while watching Mean Girls, 15 years old Violet’s favourite, when he brings Katya up again. He puts a hand just above Violet’s knee and looks very serious suddenly. “I just want you to be happy, Vi.“ He looks at her for a moment before looking back to the TV. "Money can’t buy happiness.” Violet doesn’t answer but thinks about their talk long after he left and well into the next year.

She shakes the truthfulness of his words of. Money can’t buy happiness. But money can buy comfort and comfort is better than the crippling feeling of there never being enough to go around.

-

The sun in southern France is warm on Violet’s skin, so much warmer than she had ever expected for it only being May. She doesn’t know if it is always like this here, has never been to France, has never even been to Europe except for her three day honeymoon trip to Stockholm that Christian had mindfully connected with a business trip a few months back. But that had been last spring and Stockholm was nothing like the azur blue ocean and the view of Marseille in the background she was having now.

And Violet loves the ocean, loves how wide it is and is a bit pissed of that Katya doesn’t have the same view now. At least she was on board of the boat too, actually driving it; a fact that confused Violet beyond belief. To give up that kind of control to Katya didn’t struck her as very on par with David’s character. She watches as he takes another sip of champagne and looks on as his face goes sour for a split second and she knows that he will never get used to the taste of it, that he hasn’t been raised on champagne, oysters, monthly trips overseas and that he never feels like he belongs.

There is an army of rich, white people living in the upper class of New York and whose families have been there for the longest time. There is an army of people whose upbringings, motives, movements Violet might never understand. The cold sentences, stiff handshakes, fake smiles, deluded friendships, empty promises and judging stares made Violet’s skin crawl. Christian is one of them. Violet can tell that the guests that came with them onto the yacht were too. Violet knows how to pretend she is one of them. Katya tries hard to make sure that they don’t even get the idea that she is one of them. David isn’t one of them and never will be.

He is all new money; laughs at inappropriate times, reads all social clues wrong, wore the wrong shoes with his belt one too many times. He is almost as out of place as Violet and Katya. But David has the money, is in fact richer than some of the people he associates with. It doesn’t change anything. In such a small group it was evident that he could never possibly close the gap he doesn’t even know exists. This might be his boat but the conversation would never be his. Violet watches him intently and she doesn’t get him but is intrigued by this economical genius that much like Katya grew up on a farm and understands a bit why Katya had once thought that David would be her saviour, that they were a bit the same.

Violet would love to hear Katya’s thoughts on everything. She wants to know Katya’s thoughts on most things these days, could spend days talking to her, finds everything about her endlessly fascinating. She wishes Katya would be upstairs now, especially upon seeing how David grows angrier, uneasier every time Christian talks over him and Violet has no doubt that Katya would be the one to pay for that at the end of the day in one way or another. David catches her staring and his facial expression lightens. He throws her a smile that she fears is supposed to be flirtatious. Her stomach clenches. “I’m glad you came with us today, Violet,“ he speaks suddenly, slowly, while letting his eyes move over Violet’s almost nude body and she wishes to have something to cover the tiny bikini. She tears her gaze away from him, taking a sip of champagne while her hand is shaking lightly. Christian clears his throat glares at Violet in a fashion that she know means that somehow this is her fault. “Violet, you can leave us alone now. We have business to attend.“ It’s not a request, not even a question. It’s an order and normally Violet would feel anger boiling up but for once she is glad. She just wants away. Away from David’s stares, the predatory grins the other two men have on their faces when Violet rises from her sitting position, away from Christian’s clenched jaw and constructed cold expression. Violet holds tightly onto her own glass of champagne and quickly moves down the stairs to where she assumes Katya is.