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shiningmystic · 4 years ago

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Pick-a-card General Tarot Reading- What do you need to know? 🧐☀️❤️

~ By ShiningMysticTarot 🌞

Hello lovely spirits! My name is Elpitha and I will be giving you general information on what you need to know right now! Know that whenever you see this, it will apply to you. If not now then later 😉 This is a message from your spirit guides, angels and your galactic family! Mother Earth popped in as well to give you some guidance! Hope your days have been full of happiness!

Now for the cards:

Pick a card

Pile 1: Fluorite

Pile 2: Red Jasper

Pile 3: Tigers eye

You can pick more than one if more are calling to you! There is definetly a mix of energies so possibly pick another one of the other doesn’t apply! Don’t be afraid to pick another pile if more than one calling to you! When I pick a pile; I close my eyes and use my third eye visualizing the cards and seeing if a pile is “heavy” with energy like if it’s dark and heavier compared to the others or one that’s springing up with energy and “floating” compared to the others. From there I usually see one of the other or both if I need extra guidance. I’m sorry if you can’t use visualization as a key component in sensing out piles but that’s just a way for others who do visualize. If any of you non visualization people want to let me know what you do, I would love to listen and learn!

Pile 1:

Your Numbers: 5, 55, 2, 11, 3

There is a need to balance your masculine and feminine energy (yin and yang). You have been way to focused on “the doing” then anything else meaning you are rushing ahead and not listening to your inner self that might be trying to tell you something. There is some avoidant energy like you are so busy that the negativity can’t affect you but your missing the call to stand still and listen to your heart and soul. Make sure to take a second to stand still and let your mind quiet so you can understand why your emotions are out of wack or just not coming to you clearly. I can see you are not feeling to good and you don’t know why even though you are taking your responsibilities seriously and taking the steps you think will lead you to the right place or just need to be done. You are not recognizing the amazing things you have accomplished and how much work you have put into whatever you are doing. This rushing energy makes you miss the wonderful things that are happening infront of you. Don’t just let your mind take control. Your mind shouldn’t be the one in control aka being the pilot of your life. Allow your intuition to lead you. Your mind dismisses your accomplishments and tells you you can do better and try harder when you need to nurture and know you have accomplished a lot; slow down!! There are some answers you are seeking and the only way to acquire them is to listen to your inner self and your spirit guides who want you to hear them! Your answers are within not outside of yourself. You have all the time in the world even though this plane of existentce is measured by time, know that any age you are, you have enough time to do what you want and accomplish anything you desire. Using your mind as much as you do hurts your creative spirit and you are losing track of your truest self which is a creative infinite being! Ground yourself and always remind your brain that you do have enough time. Any age you can start over and any time you can redo your projects and get to your goals! Start something new that you have always wanted to try especially if it comes from the heart! Feed your yin energy! Things that are not meant for you will fail/fall away so don’t force it. Just know that when something falls away, that leaves room for something even BETTER to come into your life which could be anything from an idea, situation or person. Your past failures and experiences are not going to repeat if you have learned from them and know to not be afraid of them anymore. Your inner strength is massive and you are such a strong person for doing what you think is right; but now is the time to seek the answers within. Other opportunities will present themselves to you if you take a moment to listen. Watch for the synchronicities and know you already are the answer ❤️ beautiful human!

Pile 2:

Your Numbers: 8, 88, 5, 9

First off, you are doing amazing!! But there is guidance here to not take your work to seriously! It is dragging you down; possibly add some spice to your life with a creative project but don’t forget about your goals that you have been working on. There is a sense of growth and learning some type of lesson recently. That’s awesome!! Some of you have already taken the time to relax and and recuperate and I’m glad you recognize this as something important. This is a call to others to take a step back and relax! Simplicity is key to happiness! The time is now to have some fun! Let your inner child come out because they have some wisdom to share! You have everything you need to start over and do what your creative spark has been telling you. Some of you have been to scared to put your creative ideas out there and make them a reality like being called to create a Etsy shop for your art or something you’ve wanted to post or create into something more than what it is. You have all been growing at a steady rate from your inner guidance and now is time to take the next step into fully becoming your true self. There is a need to let go and be vulnerable which might make you scared. That’s ok! We are human and our egos only want to protect our delicate hearts. But is it really living if we aren’t even fully our true selves! If you don’t know who that is make sure you listen to your soul and inner child; they definetly know! Your are such a creative and beautiful soul never forget! There is a need to break from the conditioning of the world around you and open yourself up to the possibilities that only a child could imagine. Everything is possible never forget. Ground the best ideas you have and begin the process of creation. Remember to do things from the heart and keep your values/integrity in tacked when you become wrapped up in everything; your true self knows you will do your best work that way. Keep doing things for the right reasons especially if there is passion behind; it will be key to your success. For some of you, you are definetly in a place where you are feeling suppressed; like a person or situation. Know that there will be something coming your way that may change that situation and that believeing and trusting that the good is only around the corner will help ease the stress. Trusting in yourself and your guides will help whatever you are manifesting into fruition. Be aware of the possibilities, and know that you are an infinite person that does not need to stay the same everyday. With an unlimited soul we have the ability to change from day to day. Maybe today I want to where pink then the next I go all black! It doesn’t matter what others perceive you to be like how it doesn’t matter what the world thinks you should be. What matters is what you think of yourself, and from what I see you are such a gentle sensitive creative spontaneous fun loving energy! Let the flow encompass you and let the love of your loved ones, spirit family and yourself fill you with power! Gorgeous soul!☀️

Pile 3:

Your Numbers: 0, 1, 11, 4, 3

I can sense your in a uneasey energy! This is a time to let go of the past and past regrets! Don’t let it be the thing that holds you back! Those situations will not repeat again! This is a time to trust yourself and or teach yourself to trust so that your spirit family can bring opportunities to you. Take that leap that you are afraid of but want to do so badly! There is a need to change your perception of those past events. Possibly some healing work for some of you. They happened so that you can learn something; maybe to not do it that way again or even that it wasn’t something right for you. Things fall apart so better things can come in. Keep a positive attitude and know a positive shift is occurring! Believe! I’m getting an energy of you feeling alone and that isn’t true! Your friends, guides and loved ones from the other side are always beside you. Passed loved ones you have lost on earth are next to you sending there love and support ❤️ you are afraid to take the next step; know that is ok! Just know that path is right for you, sometimes the path we are afraid of is the right one. Dont give up and work towards your dreams. Know that if you take that first step and work towards it, you will succeed! Your happiness and freedom is worth fighting for even if your fighting yourself for this oppurtunity! Sometimes we are our biggest bullies and obstacles. Know that you are WORTHY of all the good things coming to you! Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a person on the physical plane as well; like a mentor a friend and I’m also getting coworker? I think that’s specific to someone out there. Possibly someone you have started working with. But anyways, I can say with full confidence many signs, synchronicities, gifts, money, and love are on there way right now in the most unexpected places! Your manifestations are coming to fruition, don’t let that fear be what stops them dead in there tracks! Even when there is a set back, that is just another stepping stone to success! Life is not a straight line but one that shifts constantly like water spilled on concrete. Your spirit team is always there to support you even in the hardest moments. Stay strong and know you got the chops to conquer that fear! Your powerful just remember that!

Alrighty! Thank you for your time and energy my glowing spirits! I hope this helped you one way or another and I highly recommend you go take a walk to shed some of this heavy energy you guys have! Take a breather! Anyways I love you all, stay warm and keep being beautiful 🥰

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theycallmebecca · 4 years ago

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February Ice Storm

It just occurred to me that I hadn’t really told you guys about the experience I had back in February with the ice storm that nailed us and knocked out power for us for 3 days but people in my city for up to 10 days.

Originally, I had planned to turn it into a drabble and I actually started it, but it wasn’t exactly something I wanted to revisit. Mentally, I wasn’t in a good place thanks to anxiety and an emotional rollercoaster of what’s going to happen.

I know I shared bits and pieces of what had gone down, but this a more in-depth account of my experience from the ice storm that hit Oregon Valentine’s weekend of this year.

Let me preface this by saying that we knew that we were going to get an ice storm... but it was the worst ice storm we’ve had in a long time. And it did an astonishing amount of damage that we are still trying to recover from a month and a half later. Driving around, it looked like a tornado had ripped through and knocked down trees randomly. With as many trees that fell, it’s shocking how many didn’t.

The storm hit Friday night, February 12th, and it was just cold. Then about 3 am, the power went out. I know this because that’s when I suddenly found myself in the complete dark (no alarm clock, etc.) I didn’t think much of it and went back to sleep.

I was rudely awaken a few hours later by the sound of trees cracking and crashing to the ground. Let me tell you, that is a terrifying experience.

Knowing I still didn’t have power, I put on multiple layers and tried to make myself comfortable. However, by this time, it had started to warm up so there was lots of trees cracking all around me. Which was great for my anxiety.

Neither was the fact that the power outage had taken out the cell phone networks in my area. More on that in a moment.

Then I heard some neighbors outside, so I went out to talk to them and saw that a large limb from the pine tree by my building, was practically laying on my car. Some guys walking past, assured me that it was just on my car and not in my car.

It was cold, so I went back inside and tried to distract myself. But my main source of distraction, aka my phone, wasn’t really an option to me. And I could not access any of the music I would normally use to help myself relax when my anxiety is acting up.

I finally found a place in my apartment where I got good reception... by the sliding glass door that over looks the backyard where one tree had already uprooted itself and where more trees could easily come crashing down.

Anxiety is being amazing at this point. I’m sure you can tell.

Especially when on top of the trees cracking... I got the beautiful thunking of ice dropping out of trees as it warmed up. And we’re talking like chunks of ice as big as baseballs!

It was about that time that I heard a crack that was too close for comfort and knew, without a shadow of a doubt that the limb had broken and it was on my car. Two steps out my front door confirmed my fear, but when I tried to go see how bad it was, I heard the cracking of limbs and had to run back to the safety of my apartment as more limbs and ice baseballs dropped.

I was able to text my parents and asked if someone could try and come get me. They live parallel to me across two major roads, so it wouldn’t be a long trip if they could make it a little later once it had warmed up some more.

While I waited, I packed some stuff and tried to read, but it honestly was just too much.

And as annoying and little brother like as my brother-in-law can be, I have never been so happy to see him as I was that day when he and my mom showed up to get me.

By that time, I was flinching at every little noise that seemed to echo through my small apartment. And it was just becoming way too much. Even as I write this, the memory of that morning has me crying because I was too scared to cry on that day.

While he was waiting for me, my brother in law looked at my car and saw that the branches were resting on it, but the car looked ok.

The short drive to my parents house was shocking with the number of trees and power lines that were down. Also shocking was how many trees that didn’t land on houses. We did see a couple of cars smashed by trees though. And street lights were out every where.

I was very happy when we got to my parents house which is bigger than the building with 8 apartments that I live in. Their backyard is full of pine trees and they had lost a lot of limbs and stuff, but with everyone else there, you couldn’t hear the noises that had ramped up my anxiety.

Once I was there, the rest of the day passed relatively easy. I was with my family and that helped calm my anxiety because I knew I was in a safe place. We ordered pizza from a place that still had power. My brother in law built fires my parents fire places and my mom and I played dominos by flashlight. I also got some reading done.

Then I slept in my parents guest room... and the bed isn’t comfortable and the house was probably in the 45F range.

Sunday morning aka Valentine’s Day was warmer than the day before and my mom and I drove to my apartment to see what we could do about the limb on my car... only to find that someone had already pulled it off and chopped it up. We confirmed that my car was ok and the only damage to it was that my $5 license plate frame had been broken and the corner of my license plate was bent.

After that, we drove out to a grocery store that had power for some food, more logs for the fireplace and coffee... that my mom had to stand in line for 20+ mins to get.

When we got back to their house, we found a flurry of activity happening as my parents next door neighbor had rented a giant generator the day before to keep his house going and offered to let us plug some extension cords in so we could charge stuff, use small appliances and use a small heater.

So our Sunday afternoon was spent with our phones plugged in and a small space heater barely keeping us warm. But it was an improvement from the day before.

Then my uncle showed up. He’s been going back and forth between living with his ex girlfriend and living with my parents. With him at my parents house and knowing that my own apartment was still above 50F and therefore warmer than my parents house, I opted to sleep in my own bed that night.

So after getting pizza for dinner again (🤢) my mom dropped me off at my apartment for a cool night.

I started in my living room knowing that my back wouldn’t like 10+ hours in my bed and I actually got some light from a lamp by plugging it into my computer’s battery backup, which really did raise my spirits a bit.

But eventually I ended up in my room with the door closed, knowing I’d be able to lock in more heat that way. And it did work... but it was still a long night.

Because of no power and the fact that I’ve been working from home since March 2020, I told my boss I was taking the day off. At that time, the power company still still quoting power back on Monday. For me, they were even saying early Monday.

But my apartment was still cold and dark when I woke up. Which meant I cleaned out my fridge and freezer and then took my laundry out to the laundromat by my mom’s office that had power and heat.

So I took care of my laundry and then was going to head back to my parents, until I decided to see if Office Depot had any sales going on with laptops. And I ended up driving across town to buy one in case I needed to find some place to work other than my apartment for a couple days.

After that, I went to my parents house and watched a movie with my niece while power crews worked outside. I was still hoping they’d be able to get the power and internet back up so I wouldn’t have to drive to work Tuesday, but it wasn’t looking good.

By 5:30, I knew even if the power did some how come back on, I was still going to be without internet, so I left my parents and went to the grocery store for things to make a lunch that didn’t require a fridge since I still didn’t have that. And they were operating on their backup generators and actually stopped letting people into the store as I was checking out.

That evening, I played on my new laptop a bit and chatted with friends since my cell network was almost back up to speed, but I was in bed when the power came back on around 10 pm. And you sure as hell know I got out of bed and turned on every light switch just because I could!

I slept much better than night and did end up going into the office the next day for a partial day, but when I got home I had internet again.

For me and my family, we were without power for some 56 hours or so. But we had family friends and coworkers who went a good 10 days without power.

We don’t get storms like this and we were not prepared for it to be as bad as it was.

But the biggest take away for me is now necessarily how dependent I am on technology to entertain me... but for how to help me get through a rough situation.

Other than seeing a few members of my family once a week, I’ve been relatively on my own for the last year. And it’s been my “pocket friends” that have been my saving grace, my connection with the outside world. They’re the people that I turn to when I’m having a problem. And I was almost completely cut off from them for two whole days.

Add to that the rain storms and other anxiety reducing sounds that I’ve come to depend on. With the networks down, I couldn’t access any of those coping tools either.

My anxiety was the worst that Saturday morning than it has been in a long time. But by Monday evening, I was so tired emotionally and physically that I was just a mess. The roller coaster of the unknown was the worst part. You could make plans... but without power, there were things you just couldn’t do.

All in all, it was a once in a life time experience. As in, I don’t want to experience it again. Ever.

I think it will be a long time before a power outage doesn’t trigger anxiety within me. Because this last one was rough.

And now that I’ve relived this all in hopes that it might help me recover a little from what happened, it’s time for me to try and get some sleep. Probably shouldn’t have written this at night.. but oh well.

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vergilboyfriend · 4 years ago

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You should do all of them questions and 90 is true

I love you!!!!

1. Favorite instrument?

I work at a music store u can’t just ask me this. When my coworkers play it’s the saxophone or the flute, when the boys in the repair shop are testing repairs and they harmonize with each other or try to outplay one another it’s the bassoon or the trombone or whatever they’re fixing at the moment. When I hear 🎺 give his lesson on Wednesday afternoons it’s the trumpet, and when I think about middle school it’s the clarinet, the flute, the French horn. When I hear the nutcracker pas des deux is the oboe and when I hear edith piaf l’accordeoniste it’s the remarkable human voice. Really my favorite instrument is all of them, it just depends.

2. Favorite fic trope? Mutual pining 🥺

3. Sport you played for the longest amount of time? LMAO I wasn’t a sporty kid but I did ballet

4. Shoe size? 10-11

5. Most recent (good) dream? Uhh I had a dream last night about my coworker 🎹 it wasn’t bad though I can’t really remember what it was about

6. Last person in your DMs? smugg

7. Can you do a handstand? Nooo nooo lmaoo nooooo

8. Unpopular food opinion I don’t like oranges or red meat

9. Conspiracy you believe in? There’s some kind of weird weather dome in my hometown around the military base that makes most storms pass around us

10. Is your hair its natural color/style? Most of it is I dyed the bottom layer of my hair tho so it’s blonde rn

11. state a useless fact all that’s coming to mind is outright lies rn hold on. The inventor of pringles is buried in a pringles can that’s so fucking nasty omg

12. most interesting gossip you’ve heard? Idk I don’t really care for gossip uhhhh have u heard tho rin dippindogs is a huge gay hah she uhh she like men AND women lmao gaaay gaaaay

13. Middle name? Carolyn

14. Sexuality? Bisexual

15. Amount of sleep you got last night? Idk actually I think like 9-10 hrs tho I slept in until 11

16. Opinion on ice cream cake? Tasty!!!

17. Opinion on (cup)cake frosting? It’s depends buttercream is usually too sweet for me in large amounts so I prefer whipped cream frosting

18. Last board game you played? Idk??? We played hunt a killer tho last Thursday me n my family I guess that counts kinda

19. Project you want to start? I need ideas first baby

20. Project you’re working on right now? HAHAHAHAHAHA

21. TV show you’re watching? nothing rn I just rewatch bojack a lot if I watch anything

22. Last movie you watched? Lego batman I think

23. Ever left anon hate? Not legit hate

24. Ever left anon love? Yes all the time. Sometimes to strangers it’s my favorite thing to do

25. Best Disney movie? The princess and the frog

26. Best Pixar movie? Soul or Up I can’t decide

27. Best Star Wars? Um. Empire strikes back

28. Last thing you consumed? Fuit gumy

29. NoTP? Idk I don’t really hate ships unless they’re gross like pedophilic gross

30. story behind your (nick)name? When I was a fetus my great grandfather had a dream that my name should be Carolyn Marie but my parents were huge dweebs so they named me Marina after the actress of Deanna Troi in Star Trek. Idk about my nickname ive just always been Rina/Rin as long as I can remember

31. ice cream order? Lately it’s lemon sorbetto I know it’s SO high in sugar but I love it

32. describe your blog in <5 words I love you

33. how many blogs do you follow? 436

34. Describe your voice it depends usually I sound like a sick child but my customer service voice is really pleasant

35. Describe your smile it’s cute :)

36. What is the place you live known for? LMAOOO LMAO we have a military base nearby and like. I could go on abt that one but also like. There’s a lot of gang violence and a lot of the other consequences of poverty. People from the cities around us see us as “””ghetto””” or violent but it’s just. It’s more than that it’s always more than that. And idk what else there’s nothing really particularly special about this town except that we’re all here and not anywhere else

37. What is the place you’re originally from known for? (if they’re different)

38. pronouns? she/any idc

39. Languages you speak? English

40. first friend you made through tumblr? Idk. I probably don’t talk to them anymore :(

41. Person on tumblr you know in real life? my brother

42. First dog breed you think of shih tzu I have 2 next to me rn

43. room wall color? Purble!!!! The paint color is called grape juice that’s why I picked it!!!

44. Song that’s stuck in your head right now? It’s tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that’s right on time it’s trickyyyyy

45. Favorite number? 5, 34

46. Color you associate with your name? Red

47. Favorite jolly rancher flavor?watermelon

48. Pets? 2 dogs rocket and groot and 4 cats loki danni who r from the same litter and we raised from kittens, miss kitty who we adopted from a shelter after my boy blue moon passed away and ben (his real name is Kylo Ren thanks to my mom but I refuse to call him that) he is my little baby and he has 7 toes on his front paws

49. Collections? Hot wheels

50. Character outside of your fandom you’d marry? Girl what lmaooo idk

51. Character outside of your fandom you’d kill? That’s mean :(

52. Have you met any celebrities? NO thank god id have to kill on sight

53. Favorite time period in history? Itslian Renaissance & Romantic Era

54. What time is it right now? 2:35 am oops

55. History or future? Future but like . A good one. Or prehistory

56. Space or ocean? Space

57. Fears? Abandonment

58. Command + v and post. It’s this list of questions u don’t want that

59. Favorite season? Spring

60. Describe your aesthetic. Messy just a mess, neon and old buildings and things, antiques, countryside if there weren’t so many trump pence flags still lmaoo give uppp give up, nature just al of nature and space and places humans can’t touch and places they used to touch but can’t anymore

61. MBTI? Infp but I haven’t taken it in a few years

62. What’s your relationship with your family like? Normal.

63. “Biggest fan” in your tumblr activity? I’m in mobile hold on acc to tumblr it’s akky

64. Favorite musical? Sweeney todd

65. Comfort book? Idk how to read 💔💔💔 wuthering heights tho

66. Comfort movie? Whisper of the heart

67. OTP? Girl idk

68. BroTP? Joey and Tristan yugioh

69. AUs or canon compliant? Canon ig idk

70. Opinion on the person who’s sending the ask? It’s an anon!! But I love them

71. FMK + 3 characters anon didnt leave any characters and I was going to say something very bad but I won’t

72. Dream date? I’ve wanted to do this for a while but ideally it would be after we’d been together a while maybe even engaged or whatever, I wanna go to like a Home Depot or a furniture store and pretend to be married and looking for house paints and furniture and plan what our home is going to look like I wanna do that so bad. But idk for a first/early relationship date i really want to go to the zilker botanical garden it’s one of my favorite places, we could also go to the natural gardener which is a plant nursery in Austin I really love it there too and it’s not that far from zilker.

73. Relationship status? Single

74. Ever dyed your hair? Do you plan to? Yes and perhaps. Maybe

75. Dream job/career? Idk anymore I used to have big girl goals and I haven’t had any in a while. But when I was younger I wanted to be a game warden

76. Favorite band/singer? Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

77. Something that makes you soft/that you find adorable? My cats

78. The first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Buy a house

79. Are you superstitious? Yes

80. Character you project onto? Shizuku tsukishima

81. Fictional character you’ve had a crush on? Vergil devil may cry. Forever husband

82. Celebrity crush? LMAO

83. Person on here you’d date? my mutuals

84. Person on here you’d marry? 🥺 my mutuals

85. Person on here you’d throw into the void? Smugg

86. Other social media you have? I’ve got a photography insta that I barely use and a Twitter that’s just nintendo switch screenies that’s it

87. Finish the sentence: Due to personal reasons, ___________i will be passing away

88. Bad habit? I find it rlly hard to say no or like to say when and why I’m upset I don’t feel like for the latter I don’t feel like I should bring something that’s upsetting me up because I know I’ll get over it on my own and I don’t really trust myself to be upset about rational things. Idk I’m working on it

89. Three things you like about yourself? I’m hot, I’m kind, I’m resilient

90. Ily and you deserve the world I love you!!!!! YOU deserve it too!!!

#askies #anonymous #long post /#thank u!!

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pullingthroughthefog · 4 years ago

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Finally worked up the strength and the introspect to do this. I have been needing to put pen to paper for so long, and somehow I have continued to avoid it for more than 2 years. 2 years of silently suffering through what has been the biggest personal crisis in my life thus far. I am 34 years old. I was 32 when my husband made the decision to have an emotional affair. At that point, we had been married for 2 years only, and had a 1 year old daughter. Barely. Our love story is a classic one. We knew each other for years, but both had different partners. And again. And again. Until one time we both found ourselves single and we instantly got together. It was crazy and passionate and fantastic. We were together for a year when we popped the question, and almost 2 years after that, we got married. 3 Months after our wedding, I became pregnant with our daughter.

My pregnancy was a tough one. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, I had a lot of aches, I gained an enormous amount of weight, and I was supremely unhappy. Tie that to a shitty birthing experience, and being severely sleep-starved for the first couple of months after having her, we were definitely going through our first crisis as a married couple. I certainly was on a personal level. I was not able to cope with night wakeups and feeds after spending the entire day looking after my crying colicky baby. I was destroyed. My husband recognized this, and soon took over all the night duties relating to our baby, and then catching up on his sleep in the wee morning hours when I would get up with the little one. Then he would go to work. And rinse and repeat. This went on for months. I’m not sure how many. 4-6 months.

I hated being on maternity leave. I took care of my baby’s needs and made sure she was well-fed, diapered and never needed for anything, but I was restless. I absolutely loathed being at home, never getting the opportunity to take a shower, to decompress, to be just by myself without having to constantly put another persons needs over my own. Being selfish and ego-centered for so many years beforehand doesn’t exactly leave you with the best foundation to suddenly become another person’s servant 24/7. My needs were non existent. Well that’s not true. My needs were many, but in the grand scheme of things, they didn’t matter.

In the weekends though, we thrived. Taking shifts to be with the little one, spending family time together, going out for walks, taking her with us to the café. Everything was working in the weekends, and it was a huge weight off my shoulders. It reminded me of what we could be, and who we were, aside from the people who incessantly kept track of whose turn it was to suffer with a baby related issue, and how unfair certain things were to each of us. Having a baby makes you a nitpicky monster, and keeping score was number one activity.

When we were nearing the end of my maternity leave which lasted for 9 months, my husband was supposed to take over for 8 weeks. He would start the baby in daycare, and get her used to being there little by little, while also taking time to get to know his daughter, outside of the two hours they got to spend together before her bedtime every day.

I was happy to be back at work. I thrived. I enjoyed being back in the swing of things, washing my hair, putting on makeup and having a sense of purpose. I know that having children for a lot of people is THE biggest sense of purpose, and I guess I can agree to that post the baby stage, but back then, I was just happy to be of service in real world- where it mattered. I felt like my entire quality of life improved, and I felt my relationship with my husband take a turn for the better as well.

One day when I came home from work, my husband’s phone was on the sofa. He was in the next room changing the baby. A text ticked in from someone called Sara. It said “are you ready to trade in the older model for a new wife”.

I was absolutely astonished. I showed my husband, and asked him what this was about. He instantly said it was a joke with a co-worker and it meant nothing. He promised that was the end of those conversations, he was going to be appropriate with his colleagues, and that he cherished and appreciated me and our life far too much to ever risk anything.

I made him call her, with me present but without mentioning I was there. He called. And said the reason he was calling was to tell her that, just in case there were any misunderstandings, he wanted her to know that there is nothing between them, they are just colleagues, and they will stay that way. She was hesitant and awkward. She knew i was listening in on it. She said “of course not, I understand”, and they ended the call.

This was supposed to be the end of it. We decided to shelf it, and that he was going to make better judgements in the future. I decided that he was innocent, but this young girl might have gotten mixed signals, which was an issue, and his problem to correct, which he had done. He went on his knees and promised to never put me in a position to doubt his love and loyalty to our relationship again.

A few days after, it was my husband’s birthday. I had ordered him a very expensive watch, even against my better judgment from the discovery a few days later. It was the type of expensive that you could buy a car for.

I wanted to thank him for being such a great support during my maternity leave, and I knew this watch was something he had dreamed of. He was very happy and I felt even more thrilled and privileged that I was able to buy it for him.

That evening, when the baby was asleep, and we were sitting on the balcony eating dinner, all hell broke loose. He put his phone down on the table, and a Snapchat from Sara rolled in. I was fuming. He continue to reiterate that it was nothing to worry about, just friendly conversations, which completely set me off. We had just agreed to NO private contact with any female coworkers in his off time, and here were were again. He deleted her from Snapchat immediately. Probably as a way to save face, without having to show me their conversation, but he presented it as a favor to me.

Instantly, she messaged him on facebook messenger asking why he had deleted her on snapchat. This raised more flags for me. Why did she notice so quickly that he had deleted her? Was it because she was spending enormous amounts of time writing him? You could delete me off of any social media, and I promise you that unless you are a very close friend, I wouldn’t notice. Years could go by, and I’d be none the wiser. I asked him to give me his phone. I was not backing down. I wanted to get to the bottom of this. He was hesitant and fought me on it, which only spurred me on more. Why was he denying it? Surely he had nothing to hide if she was just a co-worker. He had been diligent on deleting texts, so I went into his work email, and searched for her name.

My heart broke. He was anxiously sitting opposite from me while I had his phone, and looking for any reaction I might have. I tried to hide my facial reactions, while I took all the instant messaging records, and sent them to myself on email to read. I knew it was only a matter of time before he took his phone back out of sheer anxiety and fear. I was right. He took his phone back before I could finish reading and sending everything, in fact I think I only saw a fraction.

Sara and my husband had been IM’ing each other intimately for weeks. While he was still at work, and after he went on parental leave as well. They were extremely flirty. She was asking him about his wife. He was telling her that we weren’t going to last. That we were only together for the baby. He was asking her to come sit by him in the office. She was asking him to accompany her to parties and concerts. She was confiding in him about personal matters. And he was throwing me under the bus, for this 21 year old intern at his job, where he was a manager and a person who should behave much better than this.

I was absolutely heartbroken. I read everything through, and completely fell apart. My husband was sitting in the living room, just watching me cry and turn into a shell of a human being. I was weeping. Screaming, Absolutely gut wrenching pain and experiencing the feeling of being stabbed in my heart. He wasn’t going to talk until I calmed down, so he just sat there, listening to me sob and cry until I didn’t have a single tear left. What completely broke me, was the realization that they day after his birthday, the very morning after we had “solved everything” and he has apologized to me, sincerely, on his knees, he had taken our daughter to daycare, and called her right after. I knew this, because in the messages, he was telling her that another coworker had overheard him talking to her on the car speaker system, and had asked him what that was about.

I can’t explain how crushing it is to realize that your doting, loving husband is not only having an emotional affair, but he also had the audacity and the heart to promise me that it was NEVER going to happen again, only for it to have happened again, the very next day as soon as he stepped out of the house.

What followed is a long period of sorrow, feeling of loss, emptiness, feeling of despair, anger, complete humiliation and desire to end my marriage, but neither having the strength or the willingness to do so.

2 years after, we are still married. Our marriage has developed into something so broken and awful, that I’ve recently had to look in the mirror and ask myself where I had gone wrong. Because make no mistake, my husband is the one who screwed up a loving home, but what followed and what has transpired in the 2 years after, is just as much my fault. This is the first time I have found the courage to face myself, and to accept that I also have a huge part to play in the destruction of my marriage in recent years. What was meant to be a period of rebuilding trust and love, has been nothing but a struggle and a mission impossible on both ends. And from where I am standing, this is a last ditch resort at salvaging our marriage and our relationship, or finally coming to accept what is irretrievably broken and finding the courage within me to walk away.

I will recount the following time in later entries.

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omoi-no-hoka · 5 years ago

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My Experience Working in Japan

Fear not--it’s not all gloom and doom.

Today I thought I’d talk a bit about what it’s been like working in Japan for half a decade. I imagine that my experience is probably different from someone who lives in a more metropolitan area like Tokyo.

Why did you choose Hokkaido?

Hokkaido is the northernmost island/prefecture of Japan. It’s the biggest prefecture and plays a huge role in Japan’s agriculture. Since it’s a separate island from Honshu (the island with Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto, and pretty much everywhere else of note), not too many foreigners choose to live here. However, there is a small but ever-growing community of winter sports lovers who move here long-term.

I studied abroad in Hokkaido when I was in uni and fell in love with it. What can I say? I grew up on a farm in a county that had a grand total of three traffic lights, and I just hate the hustle and bustle and endless concrete of big cities. I’d go crazy if I had to live somewhere like Tokyo. I need to see green, I need to hear birds instead of sirens.

What was your first job, and how did you get it?

I knew by about my third or fourth year of uni that I wanted to go to Japan for a while, so I double majored in the two areas that I knew would help get me a decent job there: Japanese, and English with a focus on linguistics, second language acquisition, and English as a Second Language (ESL). I also obtained a CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) from Cambridge. There are many different TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificates out there, but the CELTA is the most esteemed and recognized worldwide, so that was what I got.

I ended up looking for teaching jobs in Sapporo, even though it was a much bigger city than I wanted to live in. It has a population of 2 million, and the city I had my eyes on was less than 1/4 of Sapporo’s size. But I couldn’t find any teaching jobs in the smaller city. The job-hunting was difficult, because unless you have a spousal visa or something, the employer has to be able to sponsor a work visa. But sponsoring work visas is very expensive for the company, so many smaller businesses can’t give you a work visa.

There are many 英会話 (Eikaiwa) English Conversation schools in Japan. Basically, the entire English education curriculum and its implementation in Japanese public schools is...atrocious. Absolutely worthless. The vast majority of students study English for all 6 years of middle and high school and can’t have a simple conversation by the end of it, though they can read and write it somewhat decently. So the Eikaiwa industry was born, and these schools promise parents that their children can have native-like pronunciation and get jobs in fields where English is necessary if they pay outrageous costs for weekly 50-minute lessons.

There are many big-name Eikaiwas in operation throughout the country, but many of these are so-called ブラック企業 (black kigyou, a.k.a. black businesses) which means that they commit various labor law violations. Most foreigners they hire don’t speak Japanese and aren’t aware of their legal rights, or what they can do when they are violated. A quick google search will show you tons of horror stories from foreigners hired by eikaiwas who didn’t receive pay, were screamed at for calling in sick to work, etc. Basically, most corporate eikaiwas don’t care who is teaching the kids, as long as they are white. You are a piece of meat to them.

So I avoided all the big-name places and found a small, privately owned Eikaiwa in Sapporo, run by a fellow foreigner. I had a skype interview with her from my living room in America, she hired me, and I moved to Sapporo. I worked there for three years. Despite having a fellow ex-pat as a boss, I was still subjected to the mistreatment of the corporate eikaiwas. No matter how sick I was, despite the fact that we were forbidden from wearing masks (kids need to see our mouths for pronunciation), and despite the fact that I was constantly around infants, I was ordered to “take an aspirin and get to work.” I was under the impression I was enrolled in the Japanese pension, but after two years of working there I learned that we were not, in fact, enrolled in the pension. This is illegal, and I was forced to pay about $4,000 USD in backpay to the pension. My employers refused to provide assistance paying this even though by law the employer is required to pay 50% of an employee’s pension.

So yeah. Not too fun really. The kids were really cute, though, and I didn’t hate teaching English. But after 3 years, I was ready to move on.

What’s your current job, and how did you get it?

The three years I worked at the Eikaiwa, I studied Japanese at least one hour every night, and at least 8-10 hours on the weekends. I had the conversation and grammar down, but my kanji and vocabulary was lacking so all I did was read, read, read. Thanks to that, I passed the JLPT N1 and my Japanese reached a level that I could survive in a Japanese workplace.

Fed up with my current job and jaded of teaching, I looked for translation jobs in companies in Hokkaido. But there were absolutely zilch. I realized that (in Hokkaido), there were no jobs for foreigners other than teaching English. The situation was so hopeless that I actually looked for jobs back in the United States and applied for a couple. Moving back home after only 3 years of living abroad felt like defeat and I didn’t want to leave Japan, but I just couldn’t take the eikaiwa industry anymore, and I knew that I would only spiral further into depression in a metropolis like Tokyo.

In June of 2017, I sent out some applications and applied to headhunting agencies in America. And in August, a friend here in Hokkaido called me with some incredible news. A student of hers was working as a temp translator for a company in the city I had originally wanted to live in. He needed a replacement, and would I be interested?

I couldn’t believe it. Translation was my dream job, and it was in my dream city. I immediately called to find out more, and I looked up how to make a Japanese resume. Did you know that resumes are printed on A3 paper and hand written?! Good lord, I spent about 9 hours writing and re-writing it because I don’t have good handwriting in Japanese. I went in for an interview. They said they would match the pay of my current job and then some, that I would have business trips to Tokyo, that there was a very likely chance I would get to see other parts of Japan due to this job, that I would be able to build experience in multiple fields at once, that they would give me all the benefits that they are legally obligated to give (lol), and they would let me go home to America for extended periods as long as I took my work laptop and didn’t mind doing a bit of work while I was there. It was everything I dreamed of, so of course I accepted the position.

And the cherry on top? The guy who gave me the interview had a very unusual last name, which I’ll say is K___. At the end of the interview, he asked, “By the way, do you know anyone else named K___?”

Me: “Well, actually I do have a student whose last name is K___.”

And he smiles and says, “Yeah, that’s my daughter.”

In a city of 2 million people, about 700 children aged 0-18 were enrolled in my Eikaiwa. Out of those 700, I taught about 120. And out of all of those kids, one of them turned out to be the daughter of the man who gave me my interview and would become my boss! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?! It still blows my mind to think about.

Later, after I was hired and we went for drinks after work, he told me that the moment he had seen my resume and the name of the Eikaiwa, he had gone to his daughter and asked, “Hey, do you know omoi-no-hoka-sensei? What’s she like?” His daughter said a bunch of really nice things about me, and he decided that if his daughter liked me, then I must be a good addition to the company. Before the interview he had already decided to hire me.

It just goes to show that you should always be your best because you never know who’s watching!

So yeah, I quit my job at the eikaiwa, moved to my dream city, and started my dream job two years ago. My coworkers are all really, really nice. My bosses are all great. I’m the only person in my whole office that speaks English though, so sometimes I get a bit lonely in that regard. But because I’m the only one who speaks English and this is a global company with headquarters in America, I get asked to do a bunch of miscellaneous tasks, so I’m never bored! Sometimes this means I have a lot of overtime, though. It’s not uncommon to have a 12 hour work-day. But in my downtime between translation requests, I make most of these Tumblr posts.

#about me #life in japan #expat #expatlife #japan #nihon #langblr #studyblr #work #teaching #esl

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moonlitmoth · 5 years ago

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50 Questions

Tagged by @maladjustedchangeling

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? Hot pink

2. Name a food you never ever eat. I hate mayonnaise and white cream based sauces (like alfredo) so much it’s a borderline fear. I hate fish, brussels sprouts, and asparagus. I love passionfruit flavored things but I’ve never been able to bring myself to eat the real thing because it looks so fucking weird. It’s like alien fruit.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? My hands are always cold but the rest of my body is pretty normal.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Watching Paper Moon with my dad.

5. What is your favourite candy bar? I’m generally a sour candy fan, but I like Take-5, Twix, and Kit Kat bars.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Just Dodger games. I actually like baseball (mostly playing it), it just takes too fucking long. I watch rugby on tv occasionally.

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? Let me preface this with a story: When my parents were dating my dad tried to teach my mom a little German, and instead of saying “danke” my mom thought it would be funny to say “donkey” so it’s just been a longstanding thing in my family where instead of saying “thank you” we say “donkey.” So my dad just made me dinner and I said “Donkey, daddy.”

8. What is your favourite ice cream? Cookies and cream or cookie dough, but I also like coffee ice cream. I also really like the circus animal cookie one you can get by the scoop from Rite Aid/ Thrifty, but I started making my own by adding crushed up animal cookies to cake batter ice cream and adding pink food coloring and a shit ton of rainbow sprinkles. It makes me so fucking happy.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water

10. Do you like your wallet? Not really but a wallet’s a wallet.

11. What was the last thing you ate? A beyond burger.

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? No. I keep thinking about buying myself come cute loungewear sets to wear around the house, but I really shouldn’t spend money on dumb shit right now given the current economic situation.

13. The last sporting event you watched? Um I watched a rodeo on tv a few months back. One of those big international ones.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Kettle corn

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My coworker/ friend

16. Ever go camping? Technically. I used to go every summer with my high school BFF and her family up to El Capitan State Park or Carpenteria (both on the beach) and camp at the grounds there. But it was hardly ever “roughing it.” Carpenteria’s just a little beach town so all we had to do was walk a block to go get our s’mores supplies lol I like camping though

17. Do you take vitamins? Yup

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? No, my family was never super religious in that way. I went to a parochial catholic school from K-12, so we had weekly mass anyway, so my parents didn’t have to take me. We mainly went on the big holidays like Easter and Christmas.

19. Do you have a tan? Nope

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Yes

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Sometimes. I prefer soda from glass bottles

22. What color socks do you usually wear? Whatever is least noticeable and compliments the shoes i’m wearing.

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Not really, too anxious.

24. What terrifies you? Mainly that there’s no life after death.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My window

26. What chore do you hate most? Cleaning my room. I’ll clean other parts of the house to avoid cleaning my own room.

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Honestly, no offense, but I find Australian accents super fucking annoying, though not as annoying as South African English. Like, omfg I can’t stand it.

28. What’s your favorite soda? Cherry Coke or Hansen’s Pomegranate soda, which is getting harder to find.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive? Depends

30. What is your favourite number? 1017 because I’m a narcissist (my birthday), but also I have this thing where that number pops up a lot in my life.

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? My mom

32. Favourite cut of beef? I don’t really think about it. Probably just filet mignon.

33. Last song you listened to? New Order - Academic

34. Last book you read? Last one I finished was Waiting For the Punch by Marc Maron (I mostly read a lot of memoirs). I’m trying to read Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente, but it’s not really sucking me in unfortunately.

35. Favourite day of the week? I like the hope of a Friday night, knowing I’ve got 2 days to do something fun even though I’ll probably do nothing lol

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Probably but like who cares?

37. How do you like your coffee? Iced. I mostly like giant vanilla or pumpkin ice blends from Coffee Bean.

38. Favourite pair of shoes? Black chelsea block heel ankle boots. I’m also wearing my leopard slip on sneakers from H&M a lot. For my birthday this fall I’m planning on buying myself some over the knee boots and some Fluevog Cubist Cupcake boots (the witch boots of my dreams). I’m so excited.

39. The time you normally get up? Normally for work it’s 6:15am but these days more like 10am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? I’ve suddenly become a morning person the past few years.

41. How many blankets on your bed? 2 on top of a comforter.

42. Describe your kitchen plates. They're my grandma’s. Just white with turquoise polka dots around the edges.

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment? Uh..too small for the amount of people in the house. White, traditional cabinets with tan granite countertops and my grandma’s ugly lace curtains hanging on the window over the sink.

44. Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? I rarely drink but I mix myself a Dirty Shirley sometimes.

45. Do you play cards? No

46. What colour is your car? Grey

47. Can you change a tire? Yes

48. Your favourite state? California, bitch. I don’t think I can live anywhere else.

49. Favourite job you’ve had? Haven’t had it yet

50. How did you get your biggest scar? I cracked my head open as a kid by falling backwards onto our coffee table while watching the cartoon version of Sleepy Hollow. Had to get staples in my head and everything.

I tag: @hausdushades @lyannawinterfell @crumboftheearth @copper-jay @maryreadings @nyxmalum

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its-jijii · 5 years ago

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bsd girls

im gonna just uh.... warning. i didn’t expect this to be so long but below the cut is 6,745 words of me crying over girls in bsd. be warned, it is probably a long and hellish read lol. (no spoiler warning cause i think everything right now falls in realm of what has been shown in the anime)

okay hi i'm supposed to be editing photos in the car but instead i am going to rant now about how underrated the bsd girls are and why

starting out, the reason that they have so little content and attention is because there are so few female characters. in the armed detective agency the ratio of boys to girls was 8:4 (or 8:2 not counting naomi or haruno)

in the port mafia the ratio was 8:4 (counting elise)

the guild was 7:3

overall in the entire series (not counting gaiden or minor side characters), there are 40 males and 15 females*, which ends up in a ratio of 8:3.

*counting characters if they showed up in multiple different scenes or had some kind of actual role in the plot

taking this further, the number of girls with an ability are even less. elise is an ability herself, and several girls do not have an ability, such as naomi, haruno, sasaki, aya, and gin. higuchi is unconfirmed to have an ability. teruko and agatha christie have named abilities but unknown details. in the end, that leaves us with a total of ~6 females whose abilities we know of and have played a part in the plot. that is considerably less than all the males in the series, whose abilities we mostly know of- or even if we don't know all of it- the girls are still greatly outnumbered by males present and relevant to the plot.

now if we are to talk mainly about the girls relevant to the plot, there are so many reasons they should have more attention and recognition. i'm lazy so i'm just going to do them in order of who shows up on the wiki first ️✌️

armed detective agency

yosano is a wonderful character and in my top favorite characters. her personality is based strongly on her real life counterpart, who was an activist and feminist. yosano is a strong female character that has been portrayed correctly in my eyes. she is feminine, yet clearly very tough and assertive in comparison to more submissive characters or female stereotypes.

she can definitely hold herself in a fight, and has proven to be near invincible due to her strong ability. she doesn't need to rely on it all of the time, which is what makes me like her so much. some characters depend completely on their ability in order to attack, but since yosano's is a healing ability, she is unable to use it to attack. as a result, she is simply a strong and capable character. she is often shown to wield large knives or other sharp objects, and despite her slim body type, she is clearly able to handle heavy weapons with ease and still be agile. many others (males specifically) tend to underestimate her and face the consequences. by either believing she is a weak female, or believing that her ability would be useless in a fight, her enemies end up in trouble when facing her.

she is the armed detective agency's biggest weapon, with dazai landing in second place. her healing ability allows for any amount of reckless behavior or dangerous fights, because as long as her subjects are still mostly in one piece, she is able to heal them completely as if the injury never occurred in the first place. she even ends up healing her opponents after she beats them- she can bring them to a state of near death and then revive them as many times as she needs to get the information she seeks. she has no problems doing this either, as she is a doctor and is always in the face of injury and death. she knows how her ability operates, so she can stay calm in situations that would cause others to panic or struggle. she is both physically capable and mentally; there is little that can derail her, likely due to her past (vague manga spoilers mention).

as she already went through the worst of the worst when it comes to having to use her ability, and how she felt about using her ability, she has become strong and overcome her reluctance. she believed her ability to be a curse and that healing others would only bring them unhappiness. when presented with the freedom to choose, to not be forced to use her ability- she became confident and felt okay about using her ability again. as long as her ability wasn't abused like it was in the past, she was able to heal her coworkers without feeling bad about it. in overcoming her fear and unwillingness to use her ability, she became stronger in other aspects too. on top of using her ability in moderation and for good, she stands up for herself and refuses to be dominated or controlled by others. she is a doctor through and through, as she will treat injuries of friends and enemies alike. she is against meaningless death, and believes in equality between men and women.

these are just some examples regarding yosano's strength, which i respect so much. in terms of backstory, she is one of the characters who has shown growth and determination. i won't invalidate the struggles of other characters, but i believe that her progression and character should be more recognized and appreciated. she contributes and helps out more than most people realize. in the series itself, she is a desired ability user because of how useful it is. in the end, yosano chose to align herself with good. she's good to herself, she's good to her coworkers and friends, she's even good to her enemies. and i love her for all of that.

next on the list is kyouka. i apologize in advance if this seems a bit scattered; kyouka is not among my top favorites, so i haven't given her a ton of thought beforehand. (aka i am completely winging this)

kyouka as a character deserves better, and while she has shown growth, she has more room for growth still. kyouka was unfortunately pushed into a very sudden and drastic change in her life, and as a result is pretty traumatized and still has to shake off her negative mindset and bad habits. unlikely yosano, she is still very young, and has not had very long to recover from her trauma. she went from living a peaceful and happy life with her parents to being forced into the mafia after watching both of her parents die before her eyes. demon snow, her mother's ability, killed kyouka's mother and then was passed on to kyouka. kyouka could not control her own ability, and was instead forced to become an assassin for the port mafia using her ability. with no control over her ability, and having no desire to kill, it's not surprising that kyouka hated demon snow and the port mafia. upon joining, kyouka was suicidal and begged for akutagawa to kill her. when he refused and instead used her as a tool and treated her like she wasn't human, her view on life changed considerably. she could not view herself as anything more than a killing machine, a mindless and disposable tool for the mafia. upon being treated with kindness, kyouka did not know how to act. she claimed she never left because she had nowhere else to go- other reasons likely included that if she left, she would be considered a traitor and killed, and that she believed that at least in the mafia she had a purpose and use to others, even if it was evil.

kyouka found it necessary to suppress any emotions she had, probably as a coping mechanism for having to commit murder that she didn't really want to commit. she wasn't loyal or invested in the port mafia as a result of her treatment there, so when given the option to leave, she accepted with little resistance. when questioned about things regarding the mafia, she also didn't resist, and ended up willingly offering the information in exchange for food she liked.

through time spent with atsushi, kyouka has gradually grown from her original thinking and bad actions. in the beginning, she would instinctively use violence or other mafia tactics in order to get what she wanted or to defend herself. atsushi did his best to prevent her from doing that, and since then she has stopped immediately jumping to violence. she still struggles in expression emotions, but as akutagawa also stated, she has improved. she is no longer suicidal or hopeless, and feels like she has more use than just killing. she recognizes herself as a human, and that her worth lies in just her existence instead of what she can accomplish. it's okay if she doesn't use her ability, because the armed detective agency isn't about using abilities or fighting. they solve crimes and sometimes use force, but it is never required. like yosano, she has slowly begun to accept and use her ability. she recognizes that her ability, and herself, are not responsible for the death of her parents or the countless murders she committed. her ability was abused by the mafia, and her ability was given to her by her mother, though she didn't know that at first. after learning that, she has used demon snow in more reasonable situations such as defending herself, causing distractions, and using demon snow to escape situations. she hasn't used demon snow to kill anyone, and the most violent thing she has done is hold someone at knifepoint either with her own knife or with her ability.

kyouka has grown, though it isn't a sudden extreme change like with dazai and yosano- and she still has some problems she needs to sort out- but she is improving. i tend to not feel for her much because of how little she expresses emotion or opinions, but as soon as she becomes more confident i will appreciate her for more than just being a cute and supportive character. i will always love character growth, and although kyouka hasn't taken big changes regarding emotions, she still has gone far and it deserves recognition. not to mention she is still only 14, but she is doing very well in adjusting to a different life. she didn't deserve any of the bad things that happened to her, so in that i can sympathize. she was not evil by choice like some are, so her decision to completely desert her future in the mafia in exchange for the armed detective agency is wonderful. she is near fearless but protective of those she cares for, and passionate even though it isn't shown well most of the time.

port mafia

moving from the armed detective agency to the port mafia, i will begin with higuchi. higuchi is another character i think is considerably misunderstood and underrated. on the surface, yes, she can be seen as obsessive and weird, but she isn't really all of that. i believe that a big part of the hate she gets is due to shipping reasons- she is romantically interested in akutagawa, which can interfere with other ships. as a result, they end up attacking higuchi and pointing out all of the perceived flaws in her relationship with akutagawa.

i do not believe higuchi's behavior to be creepy or bad, actually. to me, she more acts like a teen with a crush. she does not stalk or harass akutagawa, nor has she done anything terrible to him. the hate she gets for crushing on akutagawa is unreasonable to the extreme for me. upon introducing them both, higuchi is shown as being overly eager to assist akutagawa. as she is his direct subordinate and cares about him, it's understandable for her to not want him to be in danger, or simply trying to make his job easier. akutagawa as a person doesn't like help, so he sees higuchi as an annoyance and trouble. he treats her (and kyouka) how he was treated- he's abusive and unnecessarily cruel, though i believe that is also learned behavior from dazai.

however, despite higuchi's over eagerness to help, she always has the best of intentions. in no way is she trying to inconvenience him or annoy him. she is just doing her job as a mafia member and helping her superior. i cannot understand the faults people find in that. i do not hate people for doing their job, even if their job is evil; it is just what they are required to do, and sometimes you can't fault that.

her "creepy" tendencies can be narrowed down to stalker-ish and obsessive. it is true that she is interested in akutagawa, but that does not mean that all of her actions are purely from a romantic stance. she cares for him, so it is natural for her to want to protect him. it is understandable for her to be concerned for him- he is not in the best of health, he's reckless, and he refuses help. she wants to avoid him being injured or killed, and not just because she is interested. i believe she also simply respects him as a person, and as her superior. in the mafia, loyalty is a strong tie, and for higuchi, her loyalty isn't 100% rooted in the mafia itself. she is more loyal to akutagawa, but that isn't unusual either. dazai was more loyal to oda, which is why he left for oda's sake. akutagawa is more loyal to dazai than the mafia, so he will respond to dazai's calls and orders. the same can be said for higuchi.

higuchi may be a bit overprotective, but again, that isn't a bad thing. she saved akutagawa's life when she realized that he was in critical danger and that the mafia would not do anything to save him. she bravely took on the task of raiding the enemies to rescue him while he was incapable of fighting back. she might have died had the black lizard not intervened, but she was willing to risk her life for the person she cared about. she also has implied many times that she does not feel that she is suited for working in the mafia, but she stays anyway because she loves akutagawa. again, that doesn't really pass into obsessive territory. if you are close to someone and love them, of course you would do these things for their sake. of course things with her seem more intense, but that is only because of their job. normally doing something for someone you love is maybe an easy task or errand. in the mafia, it can mean fighting a difficult battle in order to help your loved one(s). this is all circumstantial stuff that feels inadequately thought about.

regarding her stalker-ish tendencies, i still do not understand where that comes from. the definition of a stalker is "a person who pursues someone obsessively and aggressively to the point of harassment". higuchi does not follow akutagawa around outside of work or harass him. at work, naturally she is with him a lot and doing things for him (it's her job). however, she does not know unnatural things like where he lives or even familial ties. when she passed him on her way home from work, she appeared excited and wondered if she could offer to drive him home. not because she wanted to know where he lived, but simply to do him a favor and potentially increase his feelings for her. she also debated inviting him for tea. to people who think that is weird, i have to think that they have not experienced many normal connections. to coworkers or not very close friends, inviting people out to dinner or for a drink is not uncommon. as it was night, it would make sense for her not to think "i should take him to a cafe" but rather think "i should invite him over for tea". she wanted to drink tea with him, spend time with him, and talk to him. if shops at that time so happened to be closed, it would only make sense to invite them over. i cannot see what is unusual or wrong about that situation.

when she saw akutagawa meeting with gin, she misunderstood the situation, which again is a forgivable mistake. her thought process was not overly obsessive or weird; at first, she was jealous because she believed gin to be akutagawa's partner. from there, her overprotective side also kicked in- sure, gin could be his girlfriend, but she could also be a spy sent to kill him. not 100% of her malice at gin was because of jealousy, but she was worried for akutagawa too. when she congratulated atsushi on delivering a love letter to gin, it was both out of hope that she would have a chance again, and that akutagawa would be safe if gin was in fact a danger to him. later when she spotted gin, gin was startled and began running. higuchi picked up on her agileness and decided that she was definitely an assassin/danger to akutagawa. she was trying to harm gin, yes, but she did not know it was gin or that she was related to akutagawa. when she later learned that, she was very sweet to gin. she felt no real ill will toward her, but more concern for akutagawa taken a bit too far. i still would not say this is stalker or obsessive tendencies. higuchi is a misunderstood worrywart with a crush. i understand why some people think she is annoying, but at heart she is really just a caring and funny character. she does not deserve the hate she gets, and she also does not get the love and attention she should have. whether or not she "interferes" in your ship, you shouldn't dislike her purely on that and her interest in akutagawa. she is yet another powerful queen and she is trying her best.

higuchi’s interests aside, she is still a great character. at times she is shown to be unsure of herself or relying on others, but i would say that she is still independent and capable. she does not need others to take care of her; she can handle a weapon fine, and she is brave and selfless in fights. she is not stupid, although her hesitation in some situations can be labeled as that. however, she does not need others approval to make decisions, and she is considered a high rank. i do not know akutagawa’s direct position in the mafia, but if she is serving under him, then she is still above the black lizard. as shown when the squad came to rescue her without her having to order them to, they do have a degree of respect and care for higuchi. she is ranked above them somehow, and that position doesn’t come with ease. they are in the mafia, and i imagine that rising in ranks is difficult. while we don’t know her backstory or how she came into the position she is in now, it should be acknowledged that she did something to get where she is now.

kouyou is another one of my favorites. she is a good example of what can be considered a traditional woman while still being powerful and capable on her own. we don't know a ton about her (especially about backstory), but there is plenty of things to appreciate about her. she is loyal, caring, and protective to those she cares for most, notably kyouka and chuuya. kouyou is one of the port mafia’s five executives, and she is another mafia member who worked to get her position. being one of the five executives is second only to the boss of the port mafia. she worked to get into her position, and it is a considerably high rank. mori stated that kouyou is one of the few people strong enough to be able to leave the mafia and live. despite wanting to leave the mafia in the past, she switched her loyalties along the way and now serves the mafia well.

while golden demon is a strong ability on its own, kouyou is strong in fighting with her own sword. her appearance is deceiving, as she is not portrayed in an overtly threatening way. on the surface, she has no weapons, and her outfit initially gave me the impression that she is the type to refrain from violence or fighting. why would she get blood on her kimono, and how does she fight wearing high heels? (it seems that a lot of female characters fight in heels, which is respectable). however, kouyou is perfectly capable in fighting and defending herself both with her ability and with her own concealed weapon. considering kyouka’s tendencies and style of fighting, she was likely trained as an assassin under kouyou. it can be assumed that kouyou is a good assassin, as she certainly does not appear to be one.

there is discussion of if kouyou works in a brothel, as her voice actor apparently speaks like one. if this is the case, then it is even more likely that she and her subordinates are trained assassins. there are several things also implying this as her job, which i have no fault with. she is good at what she does if she is one of the five executives.

while kouyou may be overly negative and cynical, she is not a bad person. in the end, it seems she just wants the best for kyouka. while her idea of what is best is warped, that also cannot be faulted. she is thriving in the mafia, and she directly suffered the consequences of trying to leave. she is trying to prevent the same thing from happening to kyouka. while we can’t necessarily see growth in kouyou due to the lack of scenes with her, it can still be said that she has grown out of her initial plans for kyouka. while she likely still has the same negative mindset, she stopped projecting everything onto kyouka and encouraged kyouka’s freedom and happiness. she recognized that the best for kyouka was not necessarily staying with her, resulting with her letting kyouka go. she grew out of her possessive behavior and bad mindset and changed to do what would help kyouka and make her happy. in the end, she just wants kyouka to be safe and happy, which is a nice motivation considering her aggressive and violent nature toward enemies.

elise is going to be a short one due to lack of information and the fact that she is an ability. i do have to say that despite her existence and situation, none of that can really be helped. she is powerful as an ability, and probably is a pretty good cover for a lot of things. she can always be passed off as mori’s daughter, and her young and innocent looks do not give off any impression that she is dangerous or an ability. she has her own personality and opinions, and while they were mostly determined by mori, she is still capable of thinking and acting as she wants. it can’t be said that she is her own person, but she is certainly in charge. so far it does not seem that she is 100% bound to mori’s orders, so she is able to argue and get what she wants. a big portion of why i personally am not a huge fan of elsie is because she is connected to mori. but mori aside, not considering how he acts around her and treats her, i think she’s a good kid. she’s pretty normal considering that she’s an ability, in the mafia, and capable of murdering someone.

gin is an absolute darling and i will now tell you why. there is not a ton of canon content of her, so it is understandable that people are not really into her. in the first place, it isn’t clear that she is a girl until a good way through the guild arc. she has no ability, and no definitive backstory or personality. however, that does not mean that she should get so little attention. regarding the mafia, she is very good at her work. she is another assassin, and while her looks can be deceiving, it is also very clear that she is dangerous and deadly. right off the bat she is shown to be sly and fast, and capable of assassinating people very well. being a selective mute, she is very quiet and secretive. not talking means obviously that we cannot deduce her exact thoughts, intentions, and motivations, but based on other things we can guess some things.

to start with, despite her angry exterior, she is a sweet girl. she’s beautiful and considerate, and clearly cares for her brother akutagawa. in the past, she was the one who saved herself and akutagawa from being killed by the mafia. after joining, she rose ranks to be one of the three commanders in the black lizard. outside of work, she is still quiet, but is considerably softer and more expressive than when working. she does not wear a mask to conceal her emotions and reactions, and she is less apprehensive of speaking. she was considerate of katai when he confessed his feelings for her, not treating him in a rude manner at all.

the thing that stood out to me most about her was how much she thinks about akutagawa. noticing he was stressed about work, in an omake she was shown to have gone around asking other mafia members for things to help him relieve stress. she found problems in each solution offered, and ended up choosing what she thought best. she sat down and had tea with him, which was very sweet and caring of her. she is not always cruel and violent, and her motivations are likely along the lines of her care for her brother and her will to stay alive and in a good position in life. she is not violent for the sake of violence; she is just doing her job and what she is good at.

(i wrote a different analysis of gin here)

the guild

to start with discussions of the girls in the guild, lucy maud montgomery is first. she has considerably more content than the others, but that cannot be helped, as she has more screen time than alcott or mitchell. montgomery’s motivations and feelings are pretty open, so i cannot say that she is misunderstood or ignored. she has attention, but i do think that she deserves more (as all the girls do). at least, beyond shipping material, there is more to her character. she has improved since her traumatic past experiences, albeit in a different way than atsushi has. in the beginning, her actions and methods were confusing and not explained. however, she was just another character doing what her job required, and what she required to live happily. to her, she wanted a place to belong, and the guild was that place. when faced with potential loss of her newfound home, naturally she was willing to go to any lengths to stay, including capturing and messing around with the detective agency. montgomery is smart and capable with a strong ability to back her up. her ability, while used for kidnapping, has many other purposes as it later shows. had she initially been on the good side, a lot more people would probably like her. she was purposefully made to look and act intimidating and mean, although that is just a front she puts up. after she can be considered a tsundere, although terms like that annoy me slightly. it is weird to simplify a unique character down to a few shared traits with a stereotype- let’s just say that montgomery is flustered easily and does not know how to deal with her emotions in a positive way. by that i mean that how she acts can be perceived as bad by readers and watchers, though that is not what she is intending to do. i think that montgomery is trying her hardest and while her methods are not the best, she is still a good person who is just trying to get along in life and make close connections to people.

margaret mitchell is another character i cannot talk very much about, as she has hardly appeared in the series at all. despite her outwardly narcissistic and snobby personality, i also do not think that she is all bad. her ability, which we have not seen much of, can be decidedly negative. we have not seen a way in which she uses her ability in a positive manner, but as we do know her motivations, i can still say that she is not trying to be a bad person or anything of the sort. her reason for joining the guild and attacking yokohama was to restore her family’s honor. as we know nothing of her backstory, i cannot say why this was so important to her, but it seems to be of noble reasoning at the least. a lot of characters have good intentions or motivation and just a terrible method of execution. mitchell is one of these characters.

however, even if you were to dislike her purely based on her arrogant and rude attitude, it must be acknowledged that she is not terrible to those on her side. while threatening kajii and akutagawa, she was also shown to be selfless in defending hawthorne using her own body as a shield. now that she is stuck in a coma, hawthorne seems intent on helping and erasing her family’s debt for her, since she is incapable. that implies that she must have some kind of soft and nice side, otherwise i do not think hawthorne would consider her to be his loved one. we only saw her disintegrating his bible and arguing with him. aside from sacrificing herself, she must have done something to earn his affection and loyalty- hawthorne has gone very far in his attempts to save her.

personally i think the reason a lot of people dislike her is her stuffy attitude combined with her appearance. her complaining of others not working while combined with her wearing an over the top large dress likely contributes to the dislike or indifference i see directed at her. she is very unlikeable on the surface, nor can i say that i like her at this point.

and lastly in the guild, i will be talking a lot about louisa alcott. she is the main reason i decided to write this long ass post. alcott is in my opinion, probably the smartest of all of the geniuses in bsd. there are different kinds of smarts, of course, and it is not too hard to sort them. dazai and fyodor lie mainly in tactician. they are wonderful at predicting enemy moves and creating plans. ranpo is also shown to be helpful in that, though his strength lies in solving mysteries and analyzing evidence. dazai is also good at solving mysteries and analyzing. mori is implied to be good at a variety of things- strategizing, logical thinking, effective manipulation, and leading. he is good at making things go his way, and good at doing what is best for his organization, even if that means sacrificing others. in general, there are many intelligent characters, but the “geniuses” tend to be labeled as fyodor, dazai, mori, and ranpo. i have never seen alcott included in that grouping despite her being debatably the best out of all of them.

it must be noted that alcott’s ability is not the cause of her intelligence. rather, it simply furthers her abilities. i do not think that she would need to rely on her ability to be good at what she does; she is a very thorough tactician, and given extra time, can write out the most ridiculous plans i have seen. it is absurd how much she is able to predict and write about. “Little Women is an ability that allows Louisa to make time pass at 1/8000th of regular speed, but only while thinking alone in a private room.” nowhere does that description list that it furthers her intelligence in some way. from that, we can gather that she indeed can sit in a room for a few minutes or hours, and in real time weeks will pass. she can sit for weeks straight and simply think of and write every possibility. she can list every outcome, every action their enemies might make, all the action plans the guild can go with, and so much more. she can estimate the damage her plans provide, the likelihood of success, and compared to other plans she has written out, whether or not she would recommend it. she is shown to be cautious in her planning, since despite her seemingly ruthless plans, she always directs fitzgerald away from choosing the more dangerous options. that also shows that despite her listing very violent plans, she is against going with them and disagrees with the more violent options she came up with.

i think it is amazing how much concentration and energy she has. sure, the other geniuses may be able to reason out how their enemies are thinking and doing- but alcott is a different level. she will write packets (multiple!!) of analysis and options. i do not know how much i can stress this. these packets are hundreds of pages, written in a few hours by her. with given information, she can predict up to how other people will react to given situations, and how to manipulate the situation for the best outcome for the guild. she was able to somehow predict the reappearance of kyouka when atsushi was attacked, and how exactly to get away with capturing atsushi while simultaneously eliminating kyouka from doing anything more against the guild. she wrote up to the very specifics how that situation would lay out, and all that fitzgerald needed to do in order to capture atsushi. call the police on them! how did she know the police would be nearby and that atsushi and kyouka would turn to them? hell if i know, but that is amazing as fuck and i don’t think that the others compare in any way to that.

of course she does have boundaries, such as when chuuya and dazai teamed up against lovecraft and steinbeck in order to retrieve Q. i would say that she could not have planned that given what she knew of their personalities and how they would work together. even if they were past partners, logically it does not seem likely that they would team up, even in a dire situation. but they did, and to top that, chuuya used corruption. that was something that alcott did not plan for, likely due to lack of information she received. otherwise, she was able to take into account so many factors- timing, abilities, personality, and likelihood of events happening- and create functional and effective plans. knowing how Q’s ability works, she thought of a way to cause the most amount of destruction by combining Q and steinbeck’s abilities. personally, i would not have thought of such a method. it is brutal, but it did work out for them. most of the mafia and detective agency were occupied with dealing with Q’s curse rather than pursuing the guild. she had backup plan after backup plan. i believe that they were so detailed and complicated that without an exact copy of all of her writing, dazai and ranpo would not have been able to come up with a plan to counter what she was doing. they are good at guessing what can come next, but attempting to guess all of alcott’s thinking is impossible. to me, she will always surpass the other geniuses in the series, as she is the best of the best considering everything.

if comparing her capabilities to that of others, she covers almost all the bases. in terms of leading, mori is good because he is willing to sacrifice others for the sake of the greater good. alcott made plans that were willing to sacrifice all of yokohama for the benefit of fitzgerald solely. dazai and fyodor are good at guessing how the other will think. i would say that alcott can do the same, though on a much larger scale. given a longer amount of time, the others could likely come up with similar plans, but since they are not alcott, they cannot come up with her predictions that cover almost every base. her ability to slow down time and then sit still for technical weeks at a time thinking of every possibility is amazing. though we have not seen her solve any crimes, i would say that she is still very good at analyzing and using data to her advantage.

brains and ability aside, i think that alcott is a lovely person. though she has severe social anxiety and is very bad at talking to people, she is very kind and loyal to those she cares about. again, she can be ruthless against her enemies, but who isn’t? when not considering her position as a tactician in the three way organization conflict, she is very good. she wants to do the best she can to help others, and despite her low self esteem, feels confident enough to present her thoughts to those she is comfortable with. unfortunately she only seems comfortable with a small number of people, but she is caring and giving to those few.

i apologize for the long rant on alcott. it feels kind of unorganized and sloppy, but i honestly have no idea how to properly explain my respect and love for this character. she is never talked about or drawn or anything, and she deserves so much more than she gets. once you get past that initial barrier of “she’s too quiet, she’s a pushover, her plans are cruel and violent” you will realize that is not always the case. in reality, when consulted she is able to provide good advice and solutions to problems. she was very against fitzgerald going with her more extreme plans. yes, she thought them up since she thought up every possibility, but she strongly advised against those plans for obvious reasons.

the rest of the girls i cannot say much about. aya seems very sweet and justice oriented, and i think i would prefer to see her as an actual character rather than the odd lovechild of dazai and chuuya. chuuya did not even really show up in the manga in that scene…… anyway, i do not know enough about teruko and agatha to talk about them properly. teruko seems overly violent, but i do believe that she is just doing her job, again in a kind of bad way. unfortunately, i do not know anything of gaiden, so i cannot properly discuss tsujimura. however, i have heard that she is a sweet girl, and i would like to read more about her.

in conclusion, i don’t feel that the girls in bungou stray dogs are properly appreciated for what they are. sometimes they are misunderstood, sometimes they are ignored, but no matter the case, i think that all the girls in bsd are wonderful. slimy men? yeah fyodor, dazai, and mori. slimy women? there are none. they’re all perfect. they have their faults of course but really, none of them are incredibly evil or anything. for the most part we know their intentions, unlike some of the guys i listed. and often times those intentions are not bad at all, even if they are executed in a bad way. they tend to not rely completely on their ability, unlike a lot of the males in the series. dazai, akutagawa, and atsushi are all good examples of characters who rely heavily on their abilities to do things. in contrast, most of the girls don't rely on their abilities or other people. their abilities help them, of course, but they are plenty capable on their own. some of them don’t even have abilities- higuchi and gin being prime examples- but they are able to fight and be independent.

please give the girls in bungou stray dogs more care and attention. they are so fucking valid and i love them from the bottom of my heart

also!! i forgot to say but please reblog, dm, comment, whatever the fuck unpopular bsd opinions. i love a good rant™ and i have a lot of thoughts

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goodvibesatpeace · 6 years ago

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Dealing with energy vampires

Energy. It’s the very strength and vitality we require to live a dynamic, driven and determined life. We all have it and we all need it, yet many of us find ourselves lifeless and lethargic by the end (and sometimes at the beginning), of the day.Life is precious and unpredictably short-lived.

It’s no wonder then, that many of us drag ourselves through each day miserable and melancholic with the thought that we could be living much better lives.Throughout the ages, high-energy has been associated with happy, vivacious people, and low-energy with depressed and apathetic people.

Unfortunately, psychosomatic medicine has shown a strong link between the mind and body, meaning that the less energy we possess, the more prone we’ll be to suffer from illnesses such as depression, anxiety and other mood disorders.

It’s true that the healthy and happy person is one filled with energy. Without energy, how can we fulfill our dreams, pursue our goals and overcome our obstacles? Without energy, how can we hope to truly achieve anything of meaning or significance in life? It’s true that some people naturally possess more energy than others, but have you ever considered why? Certainly, genetics play a role, but more importantly the environment around us does as well.

EVERYTHING IS ENERGY

If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. ~ Nikola Tesla

At a sub-atomic level, all that exists in life is composed of vibrating atoms, or pure energy. Even incorporeal things such as our thoughts, emotions, instincts and sexual drives can be said to be composed of energy. So essentially, we live in an ocean of motion, and like in the ocean – or any environment on earth for that matter – there are both predators and prey.

ENERGY VAMPIRES

In life, there are just some people who tend to drain us of energy very quickly. If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person, or an Empath, you will be very aware of who sucks your energy and when.

However, not all of us are as sensitive or in-tune with our bodies, and this can be difficult and confusing to deal with. While some people argue that Energy Vampires are people who can’t sustain their own life force in a positive manner, others speculate that Energy Vampires are well-meaning and normal, yet naturally overbearing people. The point of this article, however, is not to delve into the psychology of the Energy Vampire, but to identify and explore ways to strengthen and energize our lives in light of them.

There are two types of Energy Vampires:

Physical Energy Vampires

Some people are not able to continue on in this life without taking energy from those around them whether they know it or not.

They often have emotional or mental issues that drain them causing them to feed off of the energy of others.

An energetic part inside of this person attaches itself to you, and sets up the whole thing. This could be any person in your life a coworker, friend, family member, ETC.

Non-Physical Energy Vampires

These types of vampires often go undetected and enter our lives with ease. They are opportunists who will attach to energy siphons that another human is using.

They hit the hardest when you deal with something like trauma, injuries, addiction, and even extreme fear

HOW TO IDENTIFY THE ENERGY VAMPIRE

You will experience the following symptoms of being:

Overwhelmed

Stressed

Physically ill (e.g. headaches, body aches, etc.)

Mentally or physically exhausted

Irritable and/or anxious

You may notice that the Energy Vampire displays many of the following characteristics:

Big ego, e.g. loves to debate, argue and pick fights.

Aggressive or passive-aggressive tendencies.

Paranoia.

Resentment and anger issues.

Narcissism

Melodramatic behavior.

Whining and complaining.

Bitching and gossiping.

Insecurity, e.g. the constant need for reassurance and acceptance.

Manipulative behaviors, e.g. guilt tripping, emotional blackmail etc.

Jealousy.

Energy Vampires are, in most cases, takers rather than givers who gain free therapy sessions with their family, friends, lovers, colleagues and even children and strangers who are on the receiving end.

It’s also good to realize that Energy Vampires are not always necessarily human beings. They can also be situations or even physical objects in your life. Examples include:

The internet

The TV.

Other electronic devices (e.g. the radio, mobile phone, etc.)

Public situations (e.g. crowds, parties, train stations, shopping centers etc.)

Animals (e.g. neurotic pets)

The hardest thing about suffering at the hands of an Energy Vampire is when they are part of your family or friends circle. How can we regain our vitality in such energy-sucking relationships?

Sure you may be the prey, but there’s no use in playing the role of the victim. To better your life you need to do something. Here are some suggestions:

1. STOP MAKING PROLONGED EYE-CONTACT.

I’ve personally found that this is one of the biggest energy absorbers. The more eye-contact you make, the more you engage with the other person and what they have to say. Only occasional eye-contact is necessary in this instance.

2. SET A TIME LIMIT.

Your time is precious as well, and it’s not necessary for you to sit around for 1 or 2 hours having your energy zapped and brain numbed. According to your energy level, set a limit of 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes where you can give your focus to the person, and no more.

3. LEARN NOT TO REACT.

This is very important. The Energy Vampire feeds off the reactions of others, fueling them to continue on interacting with you. It’s important for you to learn how to be neutral in your interactions with others, meaning that the display of overly positive or negative emotions should be monitored carefully.

4. LEARN NOT TO ARGUE OR CONTRADICT.

Yes it’s tempting, but in the long run you can’t change other people unless they change themselves first – the more you resist them, the more they will resist (and drain) you.

5. GO WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

Approaching the Energy Vampire with 1, 2 or 3 other people will help decrease the level of effort expended, and attention received. For this to work you need to ensure that the additional people aren’t psychic leeches either.

6. LISTEN MORE THAN TALK.

A lot of the time Energy Vampires simply want and need a listening ear. The more you talk, the more energy you tend to lose (especially if you’re introverted). Using words such as “why”, “when” and “how” will encourage the psychic sucker to do most of the talking, which in turn will help preserve your energy.

7. TRY STICKING TO LIGHT-HEARTED TOPICS.

Your conversations don’t need to be depressive and oppressive. Take control when necessary and change the topic of conversation to something more light and simple.

8. VISUALIZE.

Many people claim that visualizing protective light/energy shields around them helps to deflect psychic fatigue, and maintain a neutral and calm state of mind. Try it some time.

9. AVOID WHEN POSSIBLE.

This is not always possible, but is a simple and straight-forward technique to assist in your self-preservation. I don’t recommend this as a consistent resolution, as the less you come in contact with the Vampire/s the less opportunity you’ll have to develop, and put into practice, a useful and necessary life skill.

10. CUT OFF CONTACT.

This is the last resort. Sometimes for your own health and happiness, you need to make difficult decisions regarding who you choose to surround yourself with. In the end, if you continue to suffer, the best option may be to simply cut ties and move on.

11. MEDITATE

Sometimes meditation really can solve this issue. Give yourself some time to break away from the chaos and recenter yourself. It works wonders for keeping negative energy and stress away!

12. STOP TRYING TO FIT IN

When you shrink yourself to fit into a group you are allowing yourself to be walked on. You never need to be less than what you truly are for sake of being accepted.

13. STOP TALKING TO PEOPLE THAT TALK AT YOU INSTEAD OF TO YOU

People who leave you feeling drained after phone calls or in person visits should not be apart of your life.

14. STOP LETTING PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT LIVING UP TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS

JUST BE YOURSELF, YOU ARE ENOUGH!

15. STOP LETTING OTHER PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU

Doing the things other people want you to, even when you don’t want to is not right. You should never let people manipulate you into doing things for the wrong reasons.

16. STOP HAVING MEANINGLESS SEX

You should be sleeping with someone who loves you as you do them, not someone who you know is using you. Meaningful sex is the best sex.

17. STOP STAYING IN TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILIAR

18. STOP STAYING IN ABUSIVE SITUATIONS

Remember that in all of this you could also be stealing someone’s energy to combat the loss of your own.

If you want to make sure you are not stealing the energy of others maintain a good sense of self-love and do not let your inner strength die off.

You are Worthy... You are Enough

Much love to all... go in peace my beautiful friends 💕💕💕

Protect your energy!

#empath #energy #vampire #energy vampire #protect #meditation

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suckitsurveys · 5 years ago

Text

Are you excited for the holidays? The weather has been so cold and snow it feels like e just skipped the holidays and it’s January already. But yeah, I always get excited for the holidays. I love spending time with my family. And it’s just so much more magical when you have kids in your life. Are you watching anything on tv right now? Not at this very moment, but I am currently on a rewatch of DeGrassi: TNG and it’s amazing. Who is your best friend? Sarah, Mark, Ellen, Randal. Do you judge people on looks or personality? Both. What does the word love mean to you? Caring for someone, making them feel safe and comfortable, putting your needs and feelings aside for them, having their back.

Can you play any instruments? Nope. When’s your birthday? Sept 2nd. What do you want for Christmas? Like $12,000. What time is it right now? 8:09am. Should you be doing something else besides this survey? Working. Are you a facebook addict? Nah. Do you understand Chuck Norris jokes? ...Yeah? They aren’t that hard to understand? Do you have a pet cat? Yes, 3. Name one tattoo you would like to get someday. I want some for my nieces. Do you like the color pink? I do. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yes. Are you afraid of stink bugs? No. Do you always burn your toast? No. Do you have a printer? No. What is the closest thing to you that’s yellow? Post-its. Does anyone own any embarrassing pictures of you? Sure. Do you wear contact lenses? Sometimes. Do you not agree that gas prices are ridiculous? Do I not agree? No, I do agree. How’s the weather where you’re at? It’s cold. Do you have a cell phone? Yes. Do you still live at home? No. Are you currently enrolled in college? Nope. Do you have a drivers license? Yes. Name one event that made you happy today :) Nothing yet. Do you care what others say about you? Eh. Other people’s opinions of me our their business. Have you ever played Farmville? I did. What is your favorite video game? Super Smash Bros. What song represents your life the best? I don’t know. Do you stereotype people that you don’t know? I definitely try not to. Is there anyone out there that really bugs you yet you don’t know why? No, I know why. How fast can you type? Fast. What are you afraid of the most in life? Having my fears used against me. Do you have a religion? Nope. Are you into anime? Nah. Do you prefer day over night? Nah. How many hours of sleep do you get per night? Never enough. Name one movie that has made you cry more than once. My Girl. Do you have any siblings? I have an older sister. Have you ever donated to a charity? Yeah. What is your worst feature? My stomach. Do you consider yourself a kind person? Yes. What is the last thing you’ve eaten? A piece of cake. It was my coworkers What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed awake for? Probably close to 48 hours. Are you for or against abortion? It’s almost fucking 2020, if you’re not fucking pro-choice please fucking leeeeeeeeeave. Do you believe in soul mates? Eh. Who is your hero and why? My dad. Who is your favorite musical artist? I have a lot. Do you have a secret talent? So secret I don’t even know about it. What is your favorite color? Purples and blues. When is your father’s birthday? April 19th. What are you doing besides this survey? "Working.” What do you do in your spare time? This shit. Do you still like to take naps? No. Do you have any children? Never. Have you ever danced in the rain? Yes. Do you watch the Disney Channel? Nope. What was your last dream about? I don’t remember. Do you swear? Yes. Are you a sarcastic person? Very. Are you bad at spelling? Eh, there’s some words I struggle with, but for the most part I’m a good speller. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Work. Do you overthink things? Yeah. Are you naturally paranoid? Eh. What is your biggest pet peeve? Ignorance.

#surveys

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frighthouseofalighthouse · 5 years ago

Note

I'M GONNA DO IT TO EM' ALL ASKS THAT YOU REBLOG TONIGHT TILL 10 AM TOMORROW.... DO THEM!!!!

Hey, you had to do it to ‘em! Here they are starting with the most recent.

“Weird asks that say a lot”

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs because you can use them for everything. Teacups are too small for a proper cuppa.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars always.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum, which I miss so much. I haven’t had it in over 2 years bc of my braces

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

I didn’t go to public school but all the adults who dealt with me said I was sociable and tried to get everyone to do the group projects but no one listened so I ended up sitting alone reading and quietly doing the project.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Glass BOTTLES make it taste superior.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel boho preppy goth best describes my style.

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds, but only rubber tipped ones. The plastic ones never fit in my ears. Also headphones never cover my whole ear right. :/

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows keep my attention span better.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Brewing thunderstorms.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None. But trampoline if I had to pick.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Scrambled eggs, peanut butter toast, and some kind of fruit.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

My main one is Things You Love. My one for writing is Queen And Country, and my other two favorites are Summer Songs and A Queen Knows How To Fight A War.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Key ring, lanyards get in the way.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Swedish Fish or Sour Patch Kids.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

OH MAN. To Kill A Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby, Fahrenheit 451, The Grapes Of Wrath, and The Handmaid’s Tale were definitely my top 5 in English class.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Curled up sideways in an armchair with my legs slung over the arm. Sitting normally sucks.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Either pair of my black boots, or my pink floral Skechers that I wear to work.

18. ideal weather?

60 degrees, cloudy, windy, with a chance of rain.

19. sleeping position?

On my right side, arms around a fluffy pillow, one leg out straight and the other drawn up with my knee to my chest.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop. I’m trying to exercise my hand and wrist so I don’t tire as quick of notebook writing, though.

21. obsession from childhood?

History, Nancy Drew books, Harry Potter, and ghost stories.

22. role model?

The person I am but don’t think I am.

23. strange habits?

Pulling my shirt collar up over my nose and mouth/putting it in my mouth and chewing on it.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst, my birthstone! Close second is blue goldstone. (Have you ever seen it? It looks like the universe. I have a worrystone made of blue goldstone and it’s one of my prized possessions.)

25. first song you remember hearing?

Something from church probably. Outside of church probably one of these: If I Had A Hammer // Peter, Paul and Mary, Puff The Magic Dragon // Peter, Paul and Mary, Scarborough Fair // Simon & Garfunkel, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald // Gordon Lightfoot.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Sit in the shade.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Drink tea, read, and play either Pokemon or Nancy Drew and the Clue Benders Society on my 3DS.

28. five songs to describe you?

The Pines // Roses & Revolutions, I Am Here // Pink, Walk Me Home // Pink, Call Home // Heathers (not the musical), Traveler’s Song // Aviators

29. best way to bond with you?

Talk to me about history, crime, musicals, books, or tv shows

30. places that you find sacred?

Natural swamps. Libraries. Old, overgrown gardens. Anywhere historic. Pine forests at dusk. Anywhere under a clear night sky.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A plaid shirt, black leggings, and black boots with dark neutral lipstick and a black choker.

32. top five favorite vines?

Fre she vocado, BENTLEY NOOOOO, uhhh I sure hope it does, the one of Lin Manuel-Miranda trying to brainstorm, and this bitch empty YEEt

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Idk how to find this out

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Idk if this is just a local thing here but WOW ITS NATURESTONE

35. average time you fall asleep?

12-1 nowadays.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

I can haz cheezburger

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Depends. Suitcase for things like my laptop that are better protected than in a duffel bag, but duffel bag otherwise because they’re easier to carry.

38. lemonade or tea?

TEAAAAA

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Both please

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

My house? We had a safe word when we did math. It was “quokka.” If we got overwhelmed we’d say it and then stop and look at pictures of quokkas.

41. last person you texted?

My friend and coworker.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Cardigan or hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

Lavender

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy. It takes me a bit to get into fantasy books usually, but sci-fi is hard to follow and superhero is mostly predictable.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Fuzzy pants and a t shirt

47. favorite type of cheese?

Muenster, parmesan, or goat cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raspberry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“I have no country to fight for. My country is the earth, and I am a citizen of this world.” - Eugene V. Debs

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

A weird local political ad a couple years back.

51. current stresses?

My recent breakup, an overnight shift I work on Wednesday night, and trying to find time to go out to a corn maze with my friend.

52. favorite font?

Baskerville or Georgia.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Covered in small cuts and scrapes from work, nails picked short, black nail polish mostly peeled off.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

babysitting job: Kids suck never have more than one. Retail job: being on your fee it hardddd

55. favorite fairy tale?

Beauty and the Beast or Rapunzel

56. favorite tradition?

Looking at Halloween decorations

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Cutting, being manipulated by my dad, and letting other people make me believe I wasn’t good enough (still working on that one)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, puzzle-solving, singing, and calligraphy

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Oh shit waddup”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

One of those preppy gothic private school animes with a dark secret lurking around the corner

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Book: “Ignoring isn’t the same as ignorance. You have to work at it.” - The Handmaid’s Tale. Movie: “It’s not about deserve. It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.” - Wonder Woman. TV Show: “I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” - Doctor Who.

62. seven characters you relate to?

Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Remus Lupin, Richard Gansey III, Blue Sargent, Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Same five that I said describe me.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz and the old American Girl site circa 2009.

65. any permanent scars?

One down my chest from heart surgery as a baby, lots from self harm on my arms/legs, some on my left knee from falling as a kid, and one on the back of my right heel from being pecked by a goose at the fair when I was 11.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Sunflowers, roses, and dahlias.

67. good luck charms?

Myself.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Ranch anything.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Jellyfish have no brains and no heart.

70. left or right handed?

I’m third generation left handed!

71. least favorite pattern?

Vertical stripes.

72. worst subject?

Math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Wendy’s fries and chocolate frosty.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

7. Usually I just ignore it because I have a “high pain tolerance” (which means I like to put myself through minor pains because I think I deserve it)

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Age 5. I was trying to blow up an inflatable ball and it came out.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

ALL POTATOES EXCEPT POTATO SALAD

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Violets.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither, both suck equally.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Never had a school id so I guess the license

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones for me

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

...They are literally the same thing

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

Writing. I absolutely cannot draw.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts, talk radio is so obnoxious.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie. The clothes are easier to take on and off. I used to accidentally rip polly pocket clothes all the time.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology. I like it because it explains things, it’s creation stories, its origins. Fairy tales are just fantasies or cautionary tales.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies.

87. your greatest fear?

Rejection, drowning, and clowns.

88. your greatest wish?

To be a semi-successful author and historian.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom.

90. luckiest mistake?

Not succeeding in killing myself!

91. boxes or bags?

Bags.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Dim lamps if they have yellow bulbs. I hate white lights. And also fairy lights yes please.

93. nicknames?

Ellie, Ell, Little Lion, Lioness.

94. favorite season?

FALLLLL

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr, Spotify, or Instagram.

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

98. favorite historical era?

Revolutionary War-era America or late Victorian England.

THIS GOT REALLY LONG AND I DONT WANNA HIT THE TEXT BLOCK LIMIT SO IMMA DO ALL THE HALLOWEEN ONES SEPARATELY, MAYBE IN THE MORNING.

#a series of essays anonymously published

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veridium · 6 years ago

Text

the kids aren’t alright

college au update aka I’m finally getting to write some wonderful dating fluff so what if it’s all nervous and a bit clumsy? it’s so stinkin’ adorable. have fun, readers!

special thanks to one of my favorite Fall Out Boy songs for the title.

chapter index + previous episode

So they are dating.

Not just friends, not just hanging out. Dating. Dating? Dating.

When Olivia says goodbye to Cassandra on Sunday night, first order of business is to sit on her bed and overthink things, of course. Even while doing homework with her typical fearsome dedication. They’re dating. It’s a step that needs getting used to all of Monday while their days keep them apart: Cassandra has an evening exam to work on, and Olivia needs her alone time to process, anyways. They still text, though; they’re good about that when they want to be.

But then, it’s Tuesday. Tuesday, when they can cross paths. They lose the ‘privacy’ of a weekend free of classes and intermingling with the rest of the student body. How is that going to go?

It’s just past 8:30am and she’s putting in silver stud earrings when someone knocks on her half-open door. “Look alive,” Ellinor says as she enters, backpack on with jeans and a long-sleeve pullover on. Both look clean. Hm, she must have found time for laundry in between her stringent schedule of being Cullen’s respirator and procuring flowers for her nice plastic vase.

“Morning!” she runs her fingers through her loose and combed hair. Waves of blonde that look effortless, but are really the work of a 7:30am shower and a 7:45 blow dry.

“Fun plans for today?”

“Class.” She’s curt, but she means it. Class is fun. Yet Ellinor only groans and kicks back on the freshly-made bed. Living in a single occupancy dorm room has its perks, but with her friends, the term ‘single’ doesn’t really hit home. More like ‘selective.’

“Class. What, no…?” Ellinor tries to tease it out of her. She can’t blame her -- it only takes 30 seconds and a brief glance to know Olivia is on edge. She sucks at retaining some semblance of calm. Then again, Ellinor of all people could be trusted to do well by it. She’s kind and wonderful like that.

But the question remains: what’s going to happen?

“Uh, no,” she shakes her head, assembling her notebooks from her desk table. Two, both political science, just with different course numbers written in sharpie on the front. She’ll need the third one already in her backpack for the class she TA’s for, and then she’ll be set.

Her phone vibrates on her pillow but she’s too distracted to run for it, leaving Ellinor the perfect, gaping open window to do the honors herself. She makes a “tsk” sound.

“You’re a dirty liar, Olivia Sinclair. You’ve been texting her all morning! Who texts this much at 7am?”

“It is not that much!” she hisses, rushing over and swiping the phone away from her. It isn’t all that much: just a good morning, then some playful wordplay, and about plans for the day...she answers more in depth than she did Ellinor: classes, possibly a workout in the afternoon if she feels up for it. Then she’s subbing for an evening dance class because her coworker is out sick still. Cassandra shares much the same detail. It’s perfectly normal. Right?

Ellinor doesn’t flinch. “Alright then…”

“It’s...I’m…” Olivia clicks her home button and tossing the phone on her desk by her bag.

“So, are you going to invite her to the party, or blindfold her until we pull up in the driveway?”

Maybe. Could that work? “No! I’m telling her, okay, it’s only Tuesday. Shit.”

“Only Tuesday. You said you’d ask her yesterday when we got Boba. Soon it’ll be Wednesday, then Friday, and she’ll be wondering why you aren’t around for your brooding Planet Earth marathon date.”

“Hey! Planet Earth is a masterpiece!” She’s never seen more than 15 minutes of Planet Earth in her entire life thanks to a High School Biology class Sub.

Ellinor rolls her eyes, air blowing out her puffed cheeks as she lazily slides feet first off the bed like some all-knowing smug-slug. Back on her feet, she hooks her thumbs on her backpack straps and shrugs. “Liv, you know I’m not her biggest fan--”

“Oh! Ohoho! Bombshell tonight! Call Nancy Grace!”

“Man,” Ellinor winces, eyes closed as she heads for the door, “you are still terrible to be around under-caffeinated. Look, all I’m saying is, the writing’s on the wall. You want your girl--”

“We are not using labels yet.”

“--to come to a party with you, you tell her about the party. Step one.”

Olivia sighs and leans against her chair, legs crossing. Their Sunday heart-to-heart only 24 hours gone, and Ellinor is back to pushing sense. Who gave her the right? If Olivia hadn’t been just as terrorizing with her, she’d call foul. Only, with one park bench rant and Rutherfaker stand-off in the hallway under her belt, she knows she’s the last sinner to throw a stone. Besides, Ellinor is right.

Ugh, Cassandra hates parties. She hates parties and she hates drama. Since they have collided, Olivia has introduced a bounty of both things. But this is who she is: she works hard, dances on tables on the weekends sometimes, and lurks on soccer field grass with her best friend like a fool. The everyday college student, she is.

“You’re worrying.” Ellinor cuts in, and Olivia comes to. They’re both still standing there, like statues, while she has descended down the rabbit hole of internal questions and concerns. With renewed gusto she tosses her notebooks in her bag and adjusts the way her black jumpsuit fits around her waist.

“I’m worrying. But I have a right to.” She walks over to where her shoes are neatly stacked on the a rack, and picks out her dark red velvet boot heels. “Even if she does agree, she definitely isn’t wearing a costume.”

“Oh, LORD forbid,” Ellinor rolls her eyes, hands up in the air before she slips out the door. Probably to immediately pull out her phone and gawk at whatever cutesy bitmoji Cullen sent her after five minutes of not messaging.

It’s not like her and Cassandra couldn’t have the exact same glee about things. Shouldn’t they be gleeful? Is that the correct term? After all this would be the honeymoon stage in all the stereotypical romantic comedies. Bleh.

She continues to mull over it throughout her back-to-back morning classes, and her notes are uncharacteristically direct and thorough, even for her. When she writes, she exerts her anxiety on the page -- this is why she stopped using mechanical pencils after freshman year. Poor .7 lead never stands a chance. Coming out of class, she decides it’s her turn to make the plan.

Hey, meet me for lunch after class at 12:30? Or do you have somewhere else to be?

Cassandra, within a minute or two:

Sure. I just have to drop off books to a Professor. Meet me by the benches on North side?

Olivia: Yep! Sounds good! :)

Lunch plans. Those are good. Those are nice. Maybe they can talk and be cute, and she won’t revile it or find some reason to feel uncomfortable with it. It’s just...so surreal. Lucky enough, it’s a beautiful day outside. Fall is in full bloom, and the leaves that were once changing color are now beginning to release themselves from the abundant trees all over campus. Quad is especially scenic, so much so when she parks herself with her butt on the top of the bench and her feet in the seat, she actually enjoys the moment. Taking perhaps her first long, relaxed breath of fresh air she has had all day.

“Olivia!”

Well, that was short-lived.

Opening her eyes and looking up and down the concrete path, the first thing she sees is a nice grey peacoat buttoned around a nimble and tall body. There’s a strap of a backpack on one shoulder only, and a white and gold glittery beanie on a head of auburn red hair. Oh, not again.

“Leliana.” She braces, her flight or fight instinct dueling for dominance in her head. If she can projectile spit and then run, she could make it. It’d be fine. Or, even better, kick some muddy leaves on her expensive looking shoes.

Leliana approaches as if there’s absolutely no problem with her existence as far as Olivia is concerned, hands in her pockets and grin on her face. When she reaches the ground in front of the bench, she halts and rocks onto her toes.

“Hey. It’s been a while!”

“It’s been a week.” Not long enough, would be my true answer.

“I...can’t believe how fast the semester’s gone. It’s almost Thanksgiving. And Halloween is tomorrow!”

“Yep. Tomorrow.”

“Got any fun plans?” she keeps smiling.

“Uh, no,” Olivia manages to animate herself with a shrug. Otherwise she’s pretty much a gargoyle on the poor bench. “I don’t really go out during the Holiday itself. It’s a lot of...unnecessary antics.”

Leliana nods and steps even closer. “Yeah, you have a point. Hey, could I talk to you for a second?”

Oh Jesus please take the wheel and drive me promptly into a brick wall. “Uh...well, I’m supposed to be--”

“Meeting Cassandra for lunch. I know! I won’t stay long.”

Oh, will you? Olivia fights off a scowl. She can only hope Leliana found out about their lunch plans the old fashioned way called ‘texting’ or ‘pleasant conversation,’ but a part of here fears her phone camera’s been hacked. Nevertheless, she scoots off to the side, thereby inviting her to sit down. Once seated, Leliana pivots towards her, and crosses one leg over the other. The well-meaning smile then dissipates.

“Look, I know...you may not have the best opinions about me after what happened at the Gala. If you’d let me, I’d like to explain myself.”

“Oh?” Olivia raises a brow, back arching. “And what possible explanation could make me understand why you felt the need to take digs at me in public so that I would become upset? You barely even know me. What gi--”

“You’re right, I barely know you. But, try to look at it from my point-of-view: one of my good friends suddenly perks up about a girl, after denying herself the chance for so long. She starts getting all wound up, and before you know it, she starts hanging out with her, only every few days when you reach out to check in, she says she’s upset about something or other. If you’re me, you’re pretty damn concerned as to what this girl’s intentions are, and you want to investigate for yourself. So I...got a little carried away. I can admit that.”

Olivia is side-eyeing her so hard she wonders if she’s using x-ray vision through the bridge of her nose. Once again someone has been a dick for the sake of friendship, then. Fine, she can understand that...but the one thing she can’t figure out is how Leliana seems to come out of nowhere. Cassandra had never mentioned her throughout any of their hangouts or conversations. For all she knew, Cullen was her one companion.

“Thanks for that. I guess.” She does her best to loosen up, but her pride gets in the way of a lot of things. Shit, maybe she is Pride. Maybe that is what she’ll be for Halloween. Priorities, Liv.

“You’re welcome. I can see now you aren’t just spinning for a good time at the expense of someone else’s feelings, or else you wouldn’t have bothered coming back around after what happened. Cassandra is difficult sometimes.”

“She isn’t difficult, she’s just deliberate.”

Leliana grins. “Cassandra is many things.”

“How do you two even know each other? I never saw you around when we were first starting to hang out. She doesn’t…”

“She doesn’t mention me?” her grin grows into a smile as she rests her elbow back behind her. “I know. It doesn’t bother me. She and I met when we were both involved with the Campus Chapel. Josie might have told you I was a Student Chaplain last year?”

“Uh…” she hesitates on whether to admit they’ve discussed her, but she can’t resist the chance to know more about Cassandra even if it’s through her. “Yes.”

“Yeah! We ended up working together a lot on events and volunteer stuff. It took awhile for us to be anything but that. She’s a hard cookie to crumble. I am, too, though.”

“She’s...she’s a cookie, alright.”

Leliana giggles, and her gaze returns to her. “On a...well, okay,” she adjusts, “can I be real with you?”

“Real? Have you not been real this entire time?”

“Oh, hush,” she giggles some more, “I’m serious.”

“Sure.”

Leliana’s face goes back to that mature expression she had when she first sat down. Solemn. “I know that it may be easy to believe Cassandra is as put-together and unbreakable. But...you should know, it’s not all there is to her.”

Olivia shakes her head a bit. “I didn’t think it was.”

“I know, but, just trust me on this one. I know from experience.”

“Experience?”

She sighs under her breath, and dares to place a hand on Olivia’s knee. “Just be careful with her. I tease, but, she is my friend.” She then stands, facing her head on. It’s slightly intimidating -- scratch that, considerably. Leliana is jovial, but there’s an intensity to her. One you catch if you look long enough.

“I trust you get me when I say I would do anything for my friend’s happiness,” she adds, taking hold of her shoulder bag handle. Olivia doesn’t know whether to take that as a compliment, or a threat. Either way, she continues to eye her but play along.

“I do,” she answers, tucking some hair behind her own ear. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Leliana waves her hand, before looking over her shoulder. They both do, because coming up the path is a well-dressed woman with short black hair, a knee-length blazer coat, and those black leggings Olivia cuddled against on the couch Saturday afternoon. In that moment, Leliana’s reply hits home.

Not long after it does, she is smiling at Olivia and stepping back onto her merry way. “You’re turning heads. Take care.” She walks with a pep in her step, departing just as Cassandra draws near.

Well, that wasn’t foreboding at all, Olivia thinks to herself as she watches Leliana’s beanie grow smaller and harder to see through the neighboring figures walking to-and-from her direction. Cassandra’s boots scuff onto the grass, jerking Olivia’s attention out of her staring.

“What did Leliana want?” she asks, already folding her arms. Her nice leather satchel shines in the sunlight like it’s polished.

She sounds displeased. “Leliana?” Olivia blinks, “Oh, she just wanted to clear the air about the Gala. To say sorry.”

Cassandra’s eyes narrow and gaze down the path where her very nice and peculiar friend had gone. Not convinced. “Really. That’s it?”

“Yes!” Olivia smiles and hops off the bench, nearer to her. Her movement distracts Cassandra, which is what she hoped for. “You said it yourself, she’s your friend. You don’t trust her to make things right?”

“I trust her to do a lot of things. Namely: too much.” She starts to get caught up in it, but rather than raising the heat, she loosens up her shoulders. It’s like a well-oiled machine of emotions.

Cassandra then changes the subject to salvage the moment. “Anyway, I thought we could try the Greek place on the corner by Williamson?”

Olivia smiles. Now she’s talking. Dusting off her thighs, she follows at her side as they walk. The first bit of their journey is quiet, observant of the goings-on. It’s peak campus foot traffic, as people hurry to overwhelm the different food hubs all around. Cassandra doesn’t just have good taste, she has smart taste: Williamson is in a tucked corner, perhaps the most removed from the rush hour. Olivia had learned this when she went with Ellinor once, trying to satiate her Greek craving with the nearest place on Google Maps.

As they near the shop, Cassandra breaks the silence. “Yesterday was fun. Thank you again for making breakfast.”

“What? Oh!” Olivia waves it off, “It’s no big deal, stop thanking me! It was good to...to cook again.”

“Everything okay?” Cassandra notices the slight low-tick in her tone at the end. It’s almost cliche, the way it happens -- and she hopes she wouldn’t catch it. But she does.

“Yeah,” she brushes it off, “I’m just still processing lecture.”

Cassandra smiles, and lowers her gaze to the ground in front of them as they round the corner. It’s easy being like this with her. Easier than all the hype Olivia builds in her head about the way things are, the way they should be, and what they aren’t. In the moment, in the thick of it, it all makes sense. No comparison and no longing.

She folds her arms against her chest as they keep going. Only a minute or so ‘till gyro goodness.

An hour later they are sprawled on playfield grass nearby the shop, under the sparse shade of old trees planted around the perimeter of it. A bit like the Siberia of the campus athletic areas, out on its own in a nook of campus not many people frequent. For casual picnicking with food and bare feet in the grass for two women who say they have distaste for exhibiting affection, though, it’s perfect.

Besides, they’re sharing bites of each other’s food, now. That shit is damn-near explicit. No one wants to see that rated X, woman-on-woman action.

“I think we had a practice out here, once,” Cassandra balls up her gyro foil, the remnants of a meal long-gone. “It was miserable, actually.”

Olivia has long-devoured her gyro into oblivion, and is laying flat on her back beside her with her glasses on, taking in the blue and cloudy sky. “Oh? Is the grass not...green enough?”

“Is that a serious question?”

“I don’t know! Is grass...like...a factor to consider?”

“In a way, yeah.”

“Oh…” she wrinkles her nose, a foot itching the other with toes. “Huh.”

“Think of it this way,” she says as she twists open her hydroflask, the squeaking sound of the seal an echo of every single time a person does during class seminar discussions. “You’re a dancer. Flooring matters, right?”

“Pff, yeah, you won’t catch me launching myself six feet in the air to land on gravel.”

“See? It’s like soccer. Or any field sport. The grass you land on, run on, fall on. It matters.”

Olivia stares up at her shoulder, and can only imagine what her face looks like. It must be beautiful, because there’s an excitement in her voice that is almost infectious. Maybe, if she stays exposed to it, she could grow a...tolerance, of athletic occupations. Maybe. Maybe with Cassandra, she could do a whole lot of things.

She’s been to quiet. Cassandra glances down, looking like she’s expecting Olivia to be asleep or something. But when their eyes meet, it’s all grins and unexpected butterflies.

“You’re teaching me something new every day,” Olivia remarks as she lifts herself up, propping on her hands. “I like that. Keep doing that.”

Cassandra reclines back to be shoulder-to-shoulder with her. “I’ll keep doing it as long as you want,” she says sweetly, “even if you wish to argue about it sometimes.”

“It helps me process information. If I can’t fight about it, it isn’t worth knowing.”

“Socrates, reincarnated.”

“Not even!” Olivia chuckles, nudging her. She lingers in the lean-in a bit indulgently. Cassandra nudges her back, until they are both veering into one another and away like haphazard pendulums. Then, their faces still in suspension close enough to tempt. And then, the lean...the closing in...slow closing of the eyes...and then the kiss. If anything could convince Olivia movie scenes in life were real, it was the way it felt getting used to kissing her. To being kissed by her. To be the person she kissed, out of everyone.

She gets into it. Too into it. It’ll overwhelm things. She stops herself and pulls back. Her lip rolls as their eyes open into each other, and Cassandra looks a bit surprised.

“Um…agh,” she says, a bit short on a breath, but happy.

Olivia grins. “Yeah. I know.” It’s terrifying. And so good.

Cassandra exhales in a smile, and they separate. This, this is the honeymoon sensation. Everything feels right, and generous. This is what makes brave risks happen.

Olivia pulls her knees up against her chest and opens her mouth. Pausing, and struggling, but she gets it out. “H-hey, I keep meaning to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“This weekend. Do you have anything planned?”

“This weekend?” Cassandra tilts her chin, gazing out at the empty half-brown field. “Not really. I mean, if you wanted to do anything, I was going to…” she trails off. The butterflies hum in Olivia’s core, but she does her best to stay steady.

“Oh! Uh, yeah. Well, that’s what I was gonna say. Our friend Dorian, he’s having this Halloween party thing. Ellinor and I were invited, and we can bring plus ones. I was...I mean I know you’re not into parties like, in the...the Hangover sense…”

“‘The Hangover’ sense?” She asks, alarmed.

“Uh y--no! Not that bad, just!” she laughs anxiously, “okay more like...like Clueless.”

“The one where the guy is an asshole and she and her best friend get a fight ab--”

“No, try...uh...fuck,” she shuts her eyes hard and taps her forehead, “well, okay, it’s a thing. It’s just...a production. Dorian, he--”

“Dorian Pavus, right? I know him.”

Olivia’s train of thought, derailed in a half-second’s worth of what the fuck. Her eyes go wide, and she whips her head around. “You know Dorian Pavus? God, please don’t say Church. Don’t say it.”

Cassandra raises a brow. “No. Not Church. I don’t know him well, but I know of him. He’s...interesting.”

“He’s really cool. I mean, we go to the same gym and he works there part-time like me. I mean, he’s...he usually just calls me the name of a blonde character. Like Elle Woods or...you know, Piper Chapman.”

“Piper Chapman.”

“...Yeah.”

Cassandra nods slow. “Okay. So, I was right to say...interesting.”

“Okay yeah fine. But he throws amazing parties, and all of my little crowd will be there. Ellinor and Cullen are going!” She throws it in like it’s a last ditch brownie point to take her over the edge. The look of overt skepticism on Cassandra’s face is telling, though.

“I imagine this won’t be no small backyard BBQ,” she rejoins, taking a second sip from her open canteen before putting the cap back on. “But this also explains why Cullen all of a sudden started his laundry this morning.”

“Does he not do his laundry?”

“He…” Cassandra looks for the words, “He does. It’s not that he’s not all about that kind of stuff. It’s just...for some reason laundry is like a tell-tale sign he’s emotionally preparing himself for something. Once, his sister tried to run off to Nevada to be in some cover band her friends made and his half of the suite smelled like lavender linen on steroids.”

“Oh…” Olivia frowns, “that’s...intense.”

“Yeah. It was fine though, in the end. Don’t say I told you that. He’d die if anyone found out. Especially you, or the team.”

“No worries. I don’t really hang out in that crowd anyway, you know that. I mean, Ellinor and I showing up at Rylen’s party...”

“Rylen doesn’t throw parties, he throws beer in an ice cooler and pulls out a frisbee yelling at everyone to dare him to ‘Air Bud’ it,” Cassandra jests harshly, her legs criss-crossing as she sits up.

“I wasn’t saying...well, I just meant that it’s not the same thing. Dorian’s parties aren’t small like that, but they’re fun! And good people will be there. I’d like you to go with me.” With me.

Cassandra quietly looks ahead. Her fingers pensively tousle and twist at the grass, but she doesn’t prick or pull. Only feeling, only tactile.

“Liv, there’s…there’s reasons why I tend to keep things lowkey.”

“I know,” she’s quick to offer compassion, perhaps a little too quick. “I get it. No drama, the better. I just didn’t want to go on ahead without considering you. We did say...well, you said we should be compassionate with each other, and communicate.”

Cassandra half-smiles, and her shoulders roll straight. “Yeah, but there’s...well. thank you for considering me.”

Her heart flutters. “Anytime.”

“Does this mean you’re asking me to be your date?”

Olivia purses her lips, and her shoulders bunch. “Maybe. You don’t even have to wear a costume. I’m doing the ‘deadly sins’ thing with Ellinor. You can just wear whatever you want.”

“So that is why you were arguing about Ellinor being Wrath. Hm. You have a point, there.”

Oh, God, if she ever heard you say that. Olivia’s reaction is half smile, half grimace. “Yeah. She’ll warm up to it. I think I might go as Envy. Make things fair so that neither of us win the coveted and almighty Lust mantle.”

“That would be the favored one, between you two.” Cassandra takes Olivia’s hand into hers, so cooly it makes Olivia blush. “I don’t think you’d be Envy though.”

“What? Oh, is this where you call me Sloth?”

“No way,” Cassandra huffs, “I was going to say Pride.”

She echoes her thoughts back when her and Leliana talked on the bench. A second affirmation of her search. Pride? Pride. Alright. She looks out, her head going from side-to-side as she thinks it over.

“Pride. How would I dress as Pride, though?”

Cassandra’s tongue is quicksilver. “Simple, wear what you had on when you came to Rylen’s with Ellinor. You could have been the dictionary image for it.”

“Oh, fuck that! You!” Olivia has urge to do something she hasn’t done in years. And certainly not to anyone she’s been involved with. She shoots her arms out to Cassandra’s sides and begins to tickle her, fingers spindling up and under her arms. It’s a daring move, one you’d think someone like Cassandra would stiffen and admonish. Yet, in a strangely amazing twist of fate, she lurches and begins to laugh. Laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Falling back onto the ground as her knees bend towards the sky, curved and kicking as Olivia rushes up and over her. Laughing,right along with her out of sympathy.

It’s a light she’s never seen, Cassandra losing control like this. And she loves it. She is so stunning.

“Stop it! S-stop!” Cassandra cuts in between laughs, breath escaping quick and shallow. “Y-you! Ahh!”

Olivia gives an Aha! To her tone, Then, it all starts to slow down. Laughs ease. Cassandra’s snuck her arm around Olivia’s waist, holding her close despite having been held captive. Chuckles boil down to snickering, and then recuperating heavy breathing.

“You...you didn’t tell me you were ticklish!”

“I-I,” Cassandra bubbles out the remainder of her glee, “I don’t think that’s something you...you brag about.”

“I think it is!” Olivia argues, chest half on top of hers. “You, ticklish? It’s like the world’s best kept secret.”

“Well, now I have to kill you, so it will stay that way.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

Cassandra smiles and clings to her, the strength in one arm enough to nearly crack the spot in Olivia’s back that’s been a problem for her since 9th grade. Good to know for future amateur chiropractor needs.

The romantic position they’ve found themselves in sticks, the Siberia soccer field enough of a stowaway place for something considered ‘PDA’ to be acceptable. Olivia is engrossed, her chin resting on her chest. A subtle, lucid breeze combs through the edges her hair.Cassandra’s olive skin basks so well in the sunlight overhead, especially when she’s contented.

“This party,” Cassandra says after a few moments of wordless admiring, “it would be fun?”

“Hmm, Yes. I’d be there, after all.”

“Well, then I suppose it is my kind of fun then.” She agrees, but there’s a touch of carefulness to the end of her sentence. Carefulness from trying despite implicit reluctance. Olivia pauses to examine, but is only met with a well-meaning stoicism.

“You mean it?” she questions, sliding her knee in between Cassandra’s to rest.

“Yeah. If you can handle Rylen and the others, I should be able to handle your crowd.”

Olivia is reminded of Ellinor’s eye-for-an-eye logic, and her brow furrows. “My crowd is...I think you’ll like them. I mean, they’re all just really gay and well-dressed.”

Cassandra holds back a chuckle. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah! You saw! And besides, we can join them. Be gay, and well dressed, and if you’re lucky we can also be gay and well-dressed in taco bell,” she whispers the ‘taco bell’ part like she’s a screaming concert-goer, something that provokes Cassandra into poking her ticklish waist in return. More giggling, more effortless giggling, and it’s all even.

“See! I am the master of persuasion!” Olivia rejoices, still stuck on the feeling of lounging on her. Class where? Campus whomst?

“You have talent, I think you’ll go far in life.” Cassandra rubs up the side of her back, before laying her head into the grass and closing her eyes. Grinning and inhaling, nice and deep. “Alright, a few more minutes, and we have to head back. Or, at least I do.”

“So we do.”

Cassandra opens an eye at her, but Olivia only winks. A last exchange before she lays her head back down on her chest.

Cassandra exhales. “So we do.”

It’s all so good. No dramatic fights, no screaming matches, no salty comments. Just them. It’s so potent, Olivia understands why Ellinor was so moth-drawn-to-flame when her and Cullen started...doing things. This is fucking great. It’s like...nothing can touch her, and everything is as good as it’ll ever get. Which is pretty damn good, by her standards. Not even Leliana’s odd behavior can get her down.

Though, admittedly, as they took the last minutes they could to rest in the sun-baked grass, she wonders. If Cassandra was not all alright, then, what would she ever have to hide? She peers up, tempted to ask straight out. Cassandra has her eyes closed, and she’s so tranquil. Her hand wrapped around her, making her a part of it. Olivia can’t stomach the idea of ruining it.

What goes on inside that head of yours when no one thinks to ask? If you have your reasons, what are they?

She gives up, and lays her cheek back down, and the world washes away for a moment longer. The trees and their enduring leaves sway gently up above in a wind, A moment that screams ‘take your time.’

#college au update #adventures of ellinor and olivia #day & age #ellinor trevelyan #olivia sinclair #modern!olivia #WOO FLUFF #HAPPY IT'S GONNA BE MAY UPDATE

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myoverthemoonface · 5 years ago

Text

Life stuff, don’t mind me.

So Jeremy has been working in the UK since the beginning of November, and we’ve been doing the long distance thing for 8 months now. It hasn’t been too bad, we’re both pretty independent people. And we’ve done a decent job visiting each other, more than I expected honestly, given the fact that it’s across the Atlantic Ocean. It always gets a little harder after being back together, especially in our home with the cats and our normal life. But then you just kind of get used to being apart again.

My biggest fear (or at least source of anxiety) through all of this is the day he tells me they’ve offered him a permanent position to stay over there. Well today was more or less that day...

Nothing official has happened, but basically they have an opportunity they want him to take in London, and it’s getting posted this week. He has a few questions about it, but on the surface it’s an opportunity he doesn’t want to regret not taking. I have very little doubt that he will get the offer and accept.

So the question becomes...what’s next? This could basically be a 3-5 year situation. I don’t know whether A) I decide to move to London too, B) we continue doing long distance, C) we take a break, or D) we take separate paths. In my mind, C and D are not an option. We’ve been together 9 years, we have a house and 3 cats together...we’re committed. But then I don’t know if long distance for years is the best option. So that leaves me moving to follow him.

I have a lot of concerns. My own career being a big one. I’ve had a lot of success where I’m at. I’m respected and well-liked across the organization. I’ve just been promoted (again) and surpassed the $100,000 salary mark. I’m getting more responsibility and direct reports. I love my coworkers, and I’m excited about where the company is going. It would be really hard to give up such a good thing. Not to mention the fear of not being able to find something else. Especially in a different country, where my expertise is not going to sync as well (unless I land in a global company with US operations). Or ya know, retire early and just work on writing my book, haha.

Then there’s my family. I lived away from them for 9 years when I was just in Florida. It’s been so nice being closer to all of them, especially my mom and my nieces and nephew. I worry about breaking my mom’s heart. And also her and my stepdad getting older, and me not being here if something were to happen to them health-wise. And not being able to see as much of my nieces and nephew as they grow up. I’d miss my friends too, although most of my closest friends already live in other cities/states as we’ve gotten older. So the frequency of seeing them wouldn’t necessarily change dramatically.

I worry about having to sell our home and what to do with all our stuff. I get really stressed out just thinking about the cats and having to move three of them across the Atlantic. (There is no way in hell I would leave any of them behind.) And just generally don’t like the idea of not having the same lifestyle or modern conveniences there that I have in the US. I know it’s not drastically different in the grand scheme, but everything is just different enough.

Then there’s a part of me that thinks, wow, what a great opportunity for me! To get a chance to live abroad, so many people would kill for that. And the biggest pro, which honestly is almost enough to tip the scale, is that I’d finally live close to my little sister after losing her 13+ years ago. Even better, she’d be at college in London, so we’d literally be in the same city versus a 2 hour train ride away (which would still be worlds better than the 9 hour flight between us now). And not just her, but her mom who I have such a strong relationship with, and our brother. If I focus just on being close to the three of them, I’m ready to pack my bags.

The qualms are still there though, and it makes me nauseous to think too hard about. I’ve already been stressed anyway and have a stomach ulcer over it, and now this is surely going to make things worse. I’m going to try not to focus on it until there’s a decision to make. It’s not set in stone that he’d get a final offer, and there is still a (small) chance he wouldn’t take it depending on all the details. But I just know it’s coming for real now.

My mom and/or my boss are going to actually kill me though, so maybe I won’t even have to worry about it!

#ugh #my life

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mystery-salad · 5 years ago

Note

How about all evens for Matthias then, huh?

...turnabout’s fair play well enough

(You know Aildyn belongs to you)

0: Height

FUCK this decides both of their heights since they’re within an inch or so of each other...How about 5′11″

2: Shoe size

Around a 10-11

4: Do you drink?

He drinks socially, though never enough to get drunk. He knows his limit.

6: Age you get mistaken for

He actually looks quite on point for his age! Sometimes he’s mistaken for maybe a few years younger but it’s never a big leap.

8: Want any tattoos?

Tattoos are easily identifiable, and he’s not here for that at all.

10: Want any piercings?

He never wears earrings but he does have his ears pierced!

12: Relationship status

Single for now

14: Biggest turn offs

Rudeness, lack of communication, not sharing in pain and hardships

16: I’ll love you if

You’ve gotta really push past a wall he’s built, but if you’re stubborn and forward enough to, he loves people who are honest with him and their feelings. He’d be smitten with someone if they simply planned a nice date that’s quiet and shows that they know what he likes.

18: Most traumatic experience

First escape attempt from the bandits lead to a branding and a threat upon the safety of the one person he cared most about. Second attempt was successful, but the threat was followed through on.

20: What I hate most about myself

He hates how cowardly he can be, and how quick to run he is when facing bandits.

22: What I want to be when I get older

He used to want to be a hero, like most little kids. He’s there now, but really only because it’s the safest place for him.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

Never knew which bandits actually gave birth to him.

26: My biggest pet peeves

Shifty and evasive behavior

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

I’m not sure if he dislikes the bandits so much as fears them, but they as a group probably qualify most here. Other than them, he tooootally dislikes a sylvari with red skin and white hair, absolute fuckin git.

30: What I hate the most about work/school

There’s a lot of workplace hazards that come with being Commander, including hating your coworker.

32: What words upset me the most

Call him cowardly or merciless, or accuse him of having no regrets when he has to kill someone. That’s a switch that’s hard to flip back after.

34: What I find attractive in women

He’s not really here for feminine representing people very much and enjoys tougher rougher women, though much later on he learns how much he can truly appreciate how nicely feminine clothing shows off Aildyn’s curves

36: Where I would like to live

Just a small cabin near a town. Somewhere calm and far enough from bandits to never be found where he can honestly just live in peace.

38: My childhood career choice

Soldier! He kind of got there.

40: Who wish I could be

He’d like to just be anyone else in the Pact who isn’t running from their past.

42: The last thing I ate

Probably a piece of fruit he picked on the way somewhere to munch on. An apple or peach or pear.

44: A random fact about anything

While he has flings and is charismatic enough to woo anyone who likes the Commander, he’s never accepted an actual date request.

#thedreamsofgods #writing: matthias

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omg-puddingpie · 6 years ago

Photo

GET TO KNOW ME -

Thanks to @klauseconfessions for this lovely tag! :D I love feeling a part of these things whenever you include me! Like my idol has noticed me!

You have to make a simself and put whatever you wish on there. traits, about you stuff so we can get to know you lovely, beautiful people better! Please feel free to do it without the tag as well because I’m horrible with tagging and hate leaving anyone out. :3

questions

1. What is your full name? Chad

2. What is your nickname? Pinky, douchebag, Beaver, Pie

3. Birthday? January

4. What is your favorite book series? I don’t read very often. (I’m more into comic books) but I’ve always enjoyed John Gardner’s book ‘Grendel’, even before I knew how much this monster was cool and I’d even include in my drawings OR Sims game. XD

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? All of the. There has to be more in this world and there are evidence of both, so who knows?

6. Who is your favorite author? I honestly don’t have one but I love reading fanfictions.

7. What is your favorite radio station? Hardrock, sometimes country and even the ‘oldies’ station. (70′s, 80′s, 90′s)

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Banana

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Cool beans

10. What is your current favorite song? Weezer’s take on ‘Africa’ by Toto. I’m in LOOOOOOVVVVEEEE with this song. (Even made it one of my sims’ dedicated love song to their significant other. XD XD)

11. What is your favorite word? Dipshit

12. What was the last song you listened to? Rob Zombie ‘Dragula’

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Castlevania, Breaking Bad, Supernatural

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Wizard of Oz and I’ll tell you why: Long story short, this is my mom’s favorite movie and when my siblings and I were kids, she always played this on Friday nights; we had popcorn, sodas, and a pizza while watching the movie. Now, as an adult, I watch it for the memories and it makes me happy. :3

15. Do you play video games? It’s an addiction really. XD

16. What is your biggest fear? Spiders. Bastards....

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? My drawing abilities, tbh.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I’m too ‘real’ but if you want my honest opinion, you’re going to get it. I don’t see this world through rose colored glasses.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats

20. What is your favorite season? Winter

21. Are you in a relationship? Yes. Married and have children together, too.

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? Saturday morning cartoons, cereal and not having to worry about bills.

23. Who is your best friend? From the Sims community, @emmypess then there is my wife, kids and siblings.

24. What is your eye color? Natural is brown but I have these bluish gray contacts in at the moment. Goes good with the pink. XD

25. What is your hair color? Naturally brown, now it’s pink.

26. Who is someone you love? My wife and kids

27. Who is someone you trust? My wife, my family

28. Who is someone you think about often? Wife and kids and dinner for that night. XD XD

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? Christmas, my upcoming birthday and what the New Year will bring. (Hoping for another baby!!)

30. What is your biggest obsession? Grendel and anything Supernatural

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Gargoyles. No lie

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My wife

33. Are you superstitious? Ooooooh yes!!

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Not really

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind. I’m stupid shy of photos. XD

36. What is your favorite hobby? Drawing, skateboarding and doing crafts with the kids.

37. What was the last book you read? ......Do comic books count? XD

38. What was the last movie you watched? The new Halloween movie. :3

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? .......My answer is a bit, ahem, adult but to be ‘serious’ I use to play the Violin as a kid.

40. What is your favorite animal? Capybaras

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I can not pick. I love seeing a diverse screen of all kinds of sims. You guys are awesome! :D

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Oh man, flying would be nice.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? At home with my wife and kids. I just love being around them.

44. What makes you smile? My family, my addiction to games, drawings and my sims.

45. What sports do you play, if any? I skateboard, play Basketball and use to play Football in highschool.

46. What is your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Psssssssh! I don’t know! XD

48. Are you afraid of heights? Yes

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? People who talk with their mouth full. I don’t need to see the Casserole you made last night, Susan. Fuck....

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Hell yes!

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nope

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A Veterinarian.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Shit, I’d love to hang out in Fabletown at the Trip Trap bar with my boi Gren and throw back a few. XD

54. What is something you worry about? I worry 100%. HARD not to when you have anxiety and constantly overthinking EVERYTHING! XD

55. Are you scared of the dark? Nope

56. Do you like to sing? Horribly but yes!

57. Have you ever skipped school? In high school, I ditched all the time. I’m STILL shocked I graduated on time. XD

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Oregon or LA

59. Where would you like to live? Away from Cali (which is literally on fire right now) and move to Oregon or even Alaska. No lie.

60. Do you have any pets? Yes! 3 Cats, a Dog and a Beta fish

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Early bird. Up at 3am! 0.O

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunrise

63. Do you know how to drive? Yup

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

65. Have you ever had braces? No

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Rock

67. Who is your hero? My mom. She’s been such a strong individual and struggled for years to raise my siblings and I. I still don’t know how she did it but I’m forever in debt to her. She’s amazing.

68. Do you read comic books? Yes, yes, yes!!

69. What makes you the most angry? People who drive...so....slow. I’m not a speed demon but if you’re LOST, move the fuck over! XD

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? None? XD

71. What is your favorite subject in school? History or anything art related

72. Do you have any siblings? Yes! 4 sisters and one brother

73. What was the last thing you bought? The new Spyro Reignited game!!!!! My childhood!!! :D :D

74. How tall are you? 6′1″

75. Can you cook? I try but....it’s best if this dude stays OUT of the kitchen! XD

76. What are three things that you love? My family, my Sims, my life

77. What are three things that you hate? People who chew with food in their mouth, people who drive stupid slow or people who feel the need to advertise their business on Social media. No one cares that your period is heavy or you and your significant other are fighting. TMI.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Guys

79. What is your sexual orientation? Bi

80. Where do you currently live? California

81. Who was the last person you texted? One of my coworkers regarding Thanksgiving. We have a 4 day weekend!!! :D

82. When was the last time you cried? Laughing cry last night at my wife’s family’s house for an early Thanksgiving meal. I love her family.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? THINK his name is IamKevin. He plays a lot of the Sims games and the things he says....XD

84. Do you like to take selfies? NO! XD

85. What is your favorite app? This app fro my local grocery store, where I can scan coupons and what not! (I’m such an adult/daddy sometimes. XD)

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? My mom is wonderful but I’ve been estranged from my father for 7 years now. My choice and it’s been the best thing I could have ever done.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? Portuguese, English, Spanish

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Ireland

89. What is your favorite number? 69. :P

90. Can you juggle? No

91. Are you religious? Yes

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer Space

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? In high school, yes. Not so much now.

94. Are you allergic to anything? This poor air quality lingering over California! XD

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? No

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Almost never but then it ends up biting me in the ass.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? Life is too short for drama. If it causes you stress, perhaps it’s time to either cut ties or fix it. Your health and mentality is never worth it, especially when you have others who depend on you.

100. Are you a good liar? Nope

101. What is your Hogwarts House? I’m not much for Harry Potter, tbh.

102. Do you talk to yourself? Sometimes! XD

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? No

105. Do you believe in second chances? It depends

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? that’s hard, tbh. We ALL wanna say we’d turn it in but I’ve seen those people turn in the wallet but keep the money sooooo....it’s hard to say.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Depends

108. Are you ticklish? Kind of

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes

110. Do you have any piercings? Yes

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Grendel from The Wolf Among Us. I’d LOVE to drink with this guy! XD XD

112. Do you have any tattoos? Yup

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Making my life much better.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yup

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? contacts

116. Do you want children? I’d like more!

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My sister

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? Too many! XD

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Yup

120. What color are most of you clothes? Red, Black and brown

121. Do you like adventures? YES!!!

122. Have you ever been on TV? No

123. How old are you? Going to be 30

124. What is your favorite quote? Never have regrets because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted.

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Salty!!

#my simself #tagged

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