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randomdragonfires · 9 months ago

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Pieces of a Woman | One Shot

Text Divider by @saradika-graphics

SUMMARY | Even when his life takes a turn for the worse, Aemond Targaryen endures.

WARNINGS | 18+; Canon Divergence AU; Smut; Insanity; B&C; Gore; Delusions; Miscarriage; Yearning; ANGST

WORD COUNT | 7.2k

A/N | This is my personal favourite out of all the stories I've ever written, reposted with a new header and all that fun stuff! Beta read by the lovely @ewanmitchellcrumbs ❤️

They say madness is a slow disease, and that nobody truly knows when it begins.

They were wrong. Aemond Targaryen knew very well the exact moment the madness had sunk its claws into his wife. He had watched as her once bright and hopeful eyes became empty and devoid of emotion. He had watched as she was pulled into the darkness completely, becoming a shell of the woman she once was.

As much as he wished he could turn back time, he had accepted his fate. He accepted that he would never have his wife back. He would never hold her in his arms again and never get to lay his head on her lap as she embroidered. She would never read to him in her mellifluous voice ever again, despite the fact that he would give everything he had to have her with him once more.

What good was all this power and wealth, if he could not protect his own family? What good was his title as Prince Regent, if he did not have her to stand by his side? If he could not protect his little boy?

His hair, once braided to the side by her deft and nimble fingers with love, remained uncared for, left loose in all its glory. Training his one dark-rimmed, tired eye at the crypt that held the ashes of his heir, Aemond Targaryen let the sadness take him - for when his son’s life was brutally snuffed out, his wife’s very soul had been too.

There was nobody to blame for it all apart from himself.

Ever since their wedding, she had been a steady and calm presence in his life. She was the quiet to his rage, the water to his fire. He had always been a sullen and lonely child that harbored resentment for those who had wronged him, but he felt his heart steadily calm down with every moment he spent in her presence.

It wasn't until he met her that he realized he was lacking love and consideration, both of which he believed had never received before - not like this. She gave him an opportunity to be a better man; one that he took eagerly with both arms.

In return, he was a respectful husband who did his very best. He wasn’t adept at great gestures of love, but he always made sure that his wife woke with a kiss to her hair and his arms enveloping her body. He wanted her to never know loneliness for as long as he lived, he would make sure of it.

For all his reading and knowledge, Aemond was not good at making his appreciation known verbally. Instead, he would bring her huge tomes from the library so he could read to her. These books covered topics that he was passionate about, so everytime he brought one, he was offering up a part of his soul. Who better to give it to than the woman he has sworn his heart, soul and loyalty to?

He needed her. He needed her from deep in his soul, and he needed her carnally, always. She was all that was missing in his life, and now that he had her, he would always need her.

But right now, as her screams erupted through the halls of Maegor’s Holdfast, Aemond’s heart lurched in his chest, becoming heavier with each passing moment. The babe was arriving, and it would seem that the child was taking her for all that she was. Everytime she groaned in pain, he held onto the railing tighter than ever, as though it would make her pain go away.

They would not let him in, no. Childbirth was a woman’s fight, and the men would have to wait outside - much like the women did when the men went to battle. There was nothing he would not give to hold her hand right now; to tell her that she would be an absolutely beautiful mother, and that all she had to do was summon all her strength and emerge victorious.

As though she had heard his thoughts, her pained wails slowly died down, replaced by the first cries of a newborn. Boy or girl, the babe had an incredibly strong pair of lungs on them, their mighty cries could overshadow even the loudest of thunderstorms. The cries echoed through the halls of Maegor’s Holdfast, and the servants outside immediately jumped to work. A new royal babe had been born after all - there was work to be done, celebratory feasts to be organized, chambers to be prepared, nothing but the best for a Targaryen.

His mother stepped out of the chambers and laid a hand on his back in comfort. She kissed him on the cheek and smiled in congratulations. “Mother and babe are well, my son. She has made me so proud. The little one is beautiful, he would go on to achieve many great things. Just like you.”

A son. She had given him an heir to carry his bloodline. How would he ever repay her?

He walked into the chambers with speed that he did not know he possessed, his purpose made clear with each stride. The midwives and maids moved to make way for the One-Eyed Prince, and in he went.

She laid in the middle of the chambers, looking like she had braved the worst experience of her life. Her hair was askew, with sweat coating her entire body, her fatigue was palpable. Blood and waters coated the floor, and the chambers smelled like death. The bloody spots on her shift alarmed him, and it concerned him to see his usually happy and energetic wife look so thoroughly worn out. But then she smiled.

Through all her weariness from the challenges of the birthing bed, she had meekly smiled at him - and all was alright in his world again. He held her cheek in his palm and kissed her forehead, heart full from knowing that she was alright. She reached for his other hand, holding onto it like it was the last thing that kept her tethered to reality.

“Are you well, wife?”

The seemingly simple question certainly did not project the waves of concern that had plagued him outside while he waited with bated breath, but she knew. She saw it in the crinkles on his forehead and the widening of his good eye.

“I am now.”

She had braved battle, and had never looked more beautiful to him than she did now. Her voice was hoarse from all the pained screaming, and she certainly had no business being awake right now - but by the Gods, he was the happiest man in the realm.

The maids were done with wiping the blood off of the babe and had handed the boy to her. Aemond knew right then that he would have to compete for his wife’s attention from then on, for his little son had clearly stolen her heart, and his, within moments of his birth.

Her weak voice called out to him once more. “Aemond, husband… look what we made.”

He was exquisite. Aemond reached out to the babe, his son, and his son's pudgy rose finger latched onto his long, sturdy one as he continued to cry. “He has a strong grip. He shall be a storied warrior." She smiles at the possibility, and he cannot help but kiss her hand once more.

"You’ve given birth to a boy as strong as you are, wife.” He watched as she nudged her nose to the babe’s and smiled, her face glistening from sweat and tears. His newborn son’s cries got louder with each passing moment, but despite being a man of silence and solitude, Aemond had never felt more at peace.

“Thank you.”

Aemond would be the first to deny that he was a doting paragon of a husband that the bards would sing about, but he certainly was a good man who loved and respected his wife.

In the days that followed the birth of his child, he had spent every waking moment that he could spare with the pair of them. Both mother and son had the fierce One-Eyed Prince wrapped around their fingers. Between sparring sessions and battling his family’s idiosyncrasies on the daily, his little family had given him quite the reprieve, one that he was infinitely thankful for.

But now, his son is gone, and his wife is too.

“The heirs need to be kept safe. The twins, little Maelor, all three of them,” his mother said.

He may be in the middle of a war, but it was moments like these that seemed hardest to him. Aemond sat quietly by the hearth, in the very same chair where he always rested. His wife used to sit by him or at his feet as she embroidered. Now, her absence was a gaping hole each time he sat.

“Aemond…”

He turned to the sound of his grandfather calling out his name, looking cold and calculated. It did not escape Aemond that he was discussing the safety of his brother's children while he had lost his own child. The irony of it all was stark and jarring.

“Yes,” he curtly responded.

“It is in our best interests that you…” His grandfather paused midway through his words, and Aemond knew well that the man did that only when unsettling news was to follow. “...that you take a new wife. We’re in need of an alliance, and she can be sent to the motherhouse at Oldtown. She will be cared for, she will be fed-”

He saw red. “My son is dead!” The words tumbled out of Aemond’s mouth like shards of glass before he could even comprehend the gravity of his grandfather’s heavy, cutting words.

"My son’s death is on my conscience, his blood is on my hands. I did not do the deed myself, but it certainly feels like I was the one who wielded the knife that killed him.” The people had taken to calling him a kinslayer, and Aemond felt it in his bones everyday - not because of Lucerys Velaryon, but because of how his rash actions had resulted in the death of his little boy.

“My son is dead, and my wife has not been the same ever since. How do you think I can start a new family, with a new woman, when I know very well that I have caused all the grief that has driven my wife to madness? When I caused the death of my own child?”

Aemond Targaryen always made for a menacing sight, but his grandfather was not prepared for the kind of anger that his grandson had kept stored in him - for himself, his wife, and his son. They were not here, and he was angry enough for all three of them.

The Dowager Queen watched the entire conversation unfold, and she held her hand to her chest, feeling her heartbeat become frantic with each moment that she saw her son in distress. She knew how content he was in his wife's presence, and how much he loved her. To watch a child grow and fester in his own resentment - no mother should have to witness it. And yet, the Gods saw fit to give Alicent Hightower the closest view to her son's heartbreak.

“Get out,” he seethed. Otto Hightower took Aemond’s raw and angry words in stride before walking away, his head still held high.

His mother stood in front of him, held his hand and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m sorry, my boy. I’m so sorry…”

She wept until she could not, and it took everything Aemond had in him to not do the same.

When he tossed and turned in his bed in the middle of the night, he would always reach out for her.

She would always welcome his touch and curl into him, her forehead resting on the smooth planes of his chest and her warm breath making goosebumps rise on his skin. He would hold her tight until neither could ascertain where one ended and the other began, and sleep that normally eluded him would come to him faster than anything else.

Tonight, her spot on the bed is empty.

When he woke in a hurry, he noticed the crumpled sheets and the pillows left askew, the only evidence of her having retired to bed alongside him. He quickly rose from the bed and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart, wondering as to where she could have gone at this ungodly hour.

Gods, was she hurt?

He did not have to wait for the divine deities to answer, for his answer came in the form of the sweet humming sounds that he had grown to love. He followed her voice as he walked through their apartments, and it led him to the chamber where his son’s crib was kept. She was sitting next to it in her white shift, her head peeping in as she let her hands rest on the crib. She hummed softly and happily, marveling at how beautiful her little boy looked as he slept - looking much like the man she shared her bed with.

Aemond wanted to ask her to come back to bed immediately. The maesters had advised lots of rest for his wife, given the stress of the labors and the damage her body had taken. But as he watched her and his boy, he knew he couldn’t. He needed a moment to drink in the sight of his wife and son - his entire world, all in one chamber.

He held so much love in his heart for them both despite seeing them only with one eye. Perhaps he’d be able to love them more if he could see them with two.

“He’s going to be there when we wake, wife. Come back to bed.”

She turned to him and smiled, a warm smile that he wished he could brand into his mind for all eternity. “Did I wake you?”

“You did not. Your absence from our bed did.”

She chuckled softly, and he walked over to her. He positioned himself behind her chair and kissed her temple, letting his hands rest on her shoulders. “I don’t think I shall ever tire of looking at him,” She said.

“Hm.” His gaze rested on the sleeping babe, tired from all his crying throughout the day.

“My son, a dragon prince,” She mused. “He’ll be charming, strong and intelligent, just like his father.”

At that, he chuckled darkly and she rose, turning around to face him. Her hand found his cheek and he leaned into her touch, leaving a light kiss on her wrist as he held her hand in place. “What’s so amusing, husband?”

“Charming is not the first word anyone would use to describe me, wife.”

“Well, you are. To me.” Her whispering siren-like voice was like music to his ears.

She reached up on her toes and left a light kiss on his brow, and Aemond was quick to hold her to him by the waist, wanting to have this - this quiet solace - all to himself for a time.

Who was he to argue with the woman around whom his entire world revolved? The very one that held his heart in her hands?

He stands in the middle of what used to be their shared chambers and sighs.

The entire room is covered in pieces of her - fragments of her that he desperately clings to for dear life. Robes and dresses that she had not worn in a long time, but still manage to somehow retain her scent. Quills and ink that she used to write her correspondence with, now left to gather dust. Ten Thousand Ships, her favorite book, one that he had given to her as a name day present, laid abandoned on the bedside table.

This was the very same chamber where he had claimed her. This was where he had first admitted to loving her. This was where she had told him that she was with child. This was where they had spent countless nights talking well into the night, their bodies entwined and voices coming out in hushed whispers and low giggles. This was where they had discovered and learned of the passions of the marital bed, together. This was where their marriage had grown and bloomed.

If he walks a little further, his feet will take him to the adjoined room where his son used to sleep - but try as he might, he does not have the strength for that. Not yet.

He sits by the edge of their bed, the sunlight passing through the windows in streaks of yellow gold. He closes his good eye, hoping for a little time to adjust to the light. Perhaps if he closes it hard enough, he will be able to picture her sitting by the window with her focused eyes trained on her embroidery or one of his books, waiting for him to come back to her after his daily duties.

His nose flares at the unearthly reminder that his wife is no longer his by side. She had been full of happiness and life, and she had brought light into his life. He welcomed it for as long as she was around, but now that she was gone, he closes his eye and avoids it like the plague, much like he does with the sunlight that now warms his skin.

Her world has become dark because of him. How can he sit in the light in good conscience, when he knows he has lost all right to it?

The waves crashed by the shores of Blackwater Bay and she sat on the sands, watching them. She had a book in her hands, and a basket of food that she had the maids prepare for them to take.

Her eyes closely followed her husband as he held their baby son’s hands upright, his little pudgy feet resting over his huge boot-clad ones as he led them forward. The little boy’s gurgling and laughing echoed through the wind, and she took a bite of a juicy apple while holding a book in her other hand.

They were the picture of a happy family, the stories of whom may be immortalized in songs for years to come.

He had not yet begun to walk, and his words were all a blubbering mess - but Aemond Targaryen was not known for being patient. He insisted on guiding his son to his feet so his first steps would come to him quicker, and spoke to him in High Valyrian in hopes that his first words would be in his native tongue.

Her boys had walked all the way toward her with her baby’s toes pressing onto Aemond’s feet harshly. He picked him up and held him then, and his son’s hands landed on his eyepatch. It had become his favorite little plaything these days - the boy took to wrangling it off his father’s head and swinging it with his two fat fingers until he grew tired - that was if he did not notice the sapphire first. By the Gods, if he did, he would insist on taking that off to play with too. His son, like him, had a taste for the finer things in life, it would seem.

“He’s taken well to the waters, I think,” she said. Her fondness for the little lad and her husband was evident in her face as she watched them. Her son had taken to swinging his arms in all directions, occasionally hitting his father’s face.

“Water does not mix with fire and blood. He should not be taking so well to the waters.”

“Suppose he can embrace it all then. Perhaps he’s… special.” She rose to meet her son’s eyes, leaving a kiss on his cheek. The boy smiled, a handful of his father’s alabaster hair in his hands as he pulled. Aemond winced, and she giggled.

“Zaldrītsos…” Aemond murmured, a quiet plea to his son to stop. It fell on deaf ears, but he did not mind. [Little dragon]

A maid had come to inform them that their presence was requested in the keep, and Aemond handed the boy over to her before walking back to give his wife his hand. He pressed a kiss to her knuckles and rubbed her hand with his before leading them away, their steps slow and relaxed.

“We should have another,” she said. Her smile, the source of all his content, was as bright as the sun. “You should take me tonight,” she murmured then, eyes quickly blackened by lust. He watched as the girl with childish wonder transformed into a seductress, and he lost even before he tried - defeat had never felt sweeter.

He could never deny her anything she wanted.

“Do you want me, wife?” He muttered darkly as he halted his steps, turning towards her. He held her by the waist and kissed her brow, waiting for her to respond.

“I always want you,” she murmured, eyes fluttering at the closeness of his lips. Her bright eyes sought his lilac one as the sound of the waves rippled through the air. “I also want to bear you another child. Would you like that, husband? Another little babe for us to love…”

He nodded and kissed her, pouring all his passion into it as he devoured her lips. “You do look beautiful, belly round and full with my child.”

That night, he choked her name out like an urgent prayer while he spilled into her, his peak following soon after hers. He then peppered kisses across her face and neck as the smell of sweat and coupling engulfed them, while she held onto his hair and let her hand wander over it in a soothing manner. He rubbed a hand over her belly, praying that his seed had taken. If not, he would seek her out and touch her everywhere once more - he would never be tired of her.

If another child was what she desired, then she shall have it - for how could he ever deny her?

The burns and injuries had ruined any spirit Aegon may have had as King.

He had watched his brother as he grew into a fierce protector of his family soon after being crowned. Ser Criston had made clear the dangers that they posed to Rhaenyra with their very existence, and it was all Aegon needed to grow into his role as the rightful monarch. However, he had gotten ahead of himself and underestimated his skills as a dragonriding fighter and gotten himself hurt.

Aemond’s role as Prince Regent was something that he slid into seamlessly - he had always known that he was the better fit for the throne after all. His first action was to ensure the safety of his own wife, Helaena and her three children.

“They’ve been moved to our father’s old chambers. Deep in the Holdfast, far away from any possible intru-”

“I know where the chambers are, Aemond. Will you shut up? You’re giving me a headache.” Aegon interrupted, words slurred as he sipped on Arbor Red. The wine sloshed in the cup as it moved in his unsteady hands.

His eyes were trained on his brother, a tired and tested man who was now incharge of running a Kingdom. Aegon knew that the crown was heavy, but it did not compare to the weight of the world that Aemond always carried on his shoulders. It only seemed to have gotten worse since his son’s death and his wife’s isolation.

“Does she fare any better?”

“No.” It is all Aemond wishes to say on the matter.

While he may not want to speak of the family he had lost, Aemond knew that he would protect those he was left with every breath in his body if need be. He may not have been there for his little boy, but he would die before he let a hair on any of his remaining family members’ heads be touched. The regret of being an inadequate husband and father pricked at him like the heat from the bright blaze of the fire in the hearth, and he walked out with purpose.

He knew where he was going next. After all, his feet always carried him to her at nightfall.

When Aemond came home dripping wet from the rain that had drenched him at Storm’s End, he was convinced that he had ruined everything good that he had. He could not imagine a simple scratch on his little boy without feeling angered - how could he expect Rhaenyra to simply accept her son’s death?

He had to get them safe. He had to keep them safe. He had to keep them safe. Safe, safe, safe.

She had just left the babe with the nursemaid and come to their chambers to find a moment of quiet before her son’s inevitable crying began again. Her eyes widened when she opened the door to find her husband completely drenched, looking like he was inviting death with open arms. He may as well have.

“Aemond..” She rushed to him immediately, hands going to his damp hair and clothes. “Gods did it rain on your ride back home? Let me fetch you some clean clothes and something to dry yourself with.” He reached out to her before she could go too far, and she gasped at how cold his touch was.

It was always warm, and tonight it was not.

“Stay, please.”

“I need you to put on something warm first, Aemond. You’ll catch a chill.”

She was too distracted by his wet state to notice the tears mixed with the raindrops. He said nothing as she walked away and brought back fresh garb for him to change into. She quietly bade that he raise his arms and he obeyed, not having the strength to do anything else. Slowly, each garment fell with a wet thwack to the floor and she took to wiping all the water off of him.

His grave silence unnerved her immensely, and she knew something was wrong. She would wait for him to say it.

She dressed him in a linen undershirt and breeches and took him to his beloved chair by the fire, in hopes that it would warm him up and encourage him to tell her of what plagued him. He sat in silence for a long while as she sat cross-legged on the floor, her forehead leaning on one of his thighs while her finger drew mindless patterns on the other.

His hand always reached for her hair when they sat like this, but tonight, that was not the case. She looked up at him with inquiring eyes, and as he caught her vision with his one eye, he did not have the heart to tell her what he had done, but he had to.

“I killed Lucerys Velaryon.” His voice is hoarse and the words are choked out with difficulty, and while the weight of his actions hit him hard, it was harder to watch his sweet wife’s concerned face morph into something else entirely.

“What?”

“He was sent as an envoy. I only meant…” He gulped, and the tears fell freely once more.

She quickly lifted herself up and straddled him, holding his face in both her hands. Her fingers caught every tear that fell in quick succession. “Tell me, go on.”

“I only meant to scare him. I need you to believe me, I did not mean to kill him.”

Her husband was a proud man, and it made her stomach churn to see him sound so broken. She feared that she may not like what she was about to hear, but she had promised to be his other half for all his life, and now he needed her.

He may be fearsome, but he was not a cold-blooded murderer. He did not mean to kill him - but how much weight did his intent hold, now that the boy was dead?

“I believe you. Go on.”

“The dragons…” He let out a hoarse breath and she continued to wipe at his tears with the tips of her thumbs - softness that he right now felt very undeserving of. “Arrax breathed fire at Vhagar and she retaliated, she bit into the dragon’s neck and Luke fell, so did Arrax.”

She felt light headed with worry. How could she stomach the thought of a young boy falling to his death from the skies? How could she, when she was a mother to a little boy herself?

His uncle, Daemon, was going to come for them, Aemond was sure of that. But he could not bring himself to think of much else as he watched his wife digest all that he had told her, never once ceasing to remind him that she believed him, even if nobody else would.

When they rose, Aemond’s anger knew no bounds. The possible consequences ran through his mind as he pushed his desk onto the floor with brute force. The sharp edges of her vanity had drawn blood from the back of his hand as he moved in frustration, and she was quick to hold onto him and remind him of her presence. He was not alone, he had her.

“Take me. Take it out on me.” Aemond could not think straight, and she could not bear to see him hurt himself, any more than he already has. It is this very thought that drives her to take his hand and lay it upon her clothed chest.

He took her from behind that night, hands clutching onto her bouncing breasts. Every string that was stretched had snapped with each rough thrust into her, the sounds of skin slapping skin somehow seeming too rough that night. “We’re going to be fine, wife,” he groaned - and she did not know whom he was trying to placate - her, or himself?

“I will keep you safe, the both of you.”

When he was done with her, she was left looking ragged with dried tear tracks on her face. He wanted to apologize - it seemed as though he hurt everything he touched, and after his now dead Stong nephew, his own sweet wife was his latest victim.

She held him between her breasts that night as they both wept, at a loss for words at what he had done. She did not know how to comfort him or rid him of the guilt or paranoia that his mind now played host to.

What she did know is that her husband needed her, and that she was not going anywhere. So when he suggested sending her and their son away, fearing for her safety, she begged him to let her stand by his side.

“If something were to happen to me, there would be nobody to protect you and our boy.”

“If something were to happen to you, our son and I would much rather follow you than brave many years alone.”

He reluctantly gave in, thinking that an increased guard and his constant presence around them would be enough to keep them unharmed.

How wrong he was.

He had walked away only for a moment.

His wife had wanted to eat some cake during the night - he suspected that she was with child again. Little did he know that it was the last moment of their happy marriage. The sight that he had walked back into was something that would never fail to haunt him.

Dead guards, a whole litany of them. His wife in her bloodied white shift, holding onto their son’s decapitated body. All the light in her eyes had dimmed as he stood frozen in place, his eye widened at the harrowing sight before him.

She wailed as she clutched the corpse to her chest, with no care for the injuries on her own body, or the blood of their babe that was now mixed in with her own.

“My boy, my precious boy…”

The rest of the royal family soon followed and his mother pulled her away from the babe’s lifeless body. He fell to the floor with no one to hold him, and Aemond could do nothing but watch. Aegon’s angry calls for his nephew’s head to be brought back along with the killers slipped into one ear and slipped out the other, and he went numb as he realized that the consequences of his actions had caught up to him.

Him, he could understand. But his sweet wife, his little son? What had they done?

A son for a son.

The rational part of his mind would have argued that Luke’s death probably left Rhaenyra feeling the same tragedy that he was faced with - but he was anything but rational in that moment. His fists clenched as his knuckles met the wall, and Aegon had to physically restrain him from walking out to catch the rats himself.

“She needs you. She needs you. She needs you. Listen to me, Aemond!”

Helaena had collapsed onto the chair entirely, repeating ominous words that he did not register at all.

“Blood and Cheese. Blood and Cheese. Blood and Cheese.”

Aegon had gone to join in the hunt for his nephew’s killers, and she kept rocking herself back and forth at the sight of the blood that now painted the walls and floors of her brother’s chambers until she was led away. Aemond stood, all alone in a pool of his son’s and wife’s blood.

When the Silent Sisters were led into the chamber by his grandfather, Aemond froze. His wife had held their lifeless son to her breast as she cried, but he could not bring himself to look at him, much less touch him.

Hours later, with patches of his own son's blood soaked through his clothes, he had gone to see her. He held her in his arms as she sobbed through the night, trying to push him away with each firm hit to his chest. Aemond shushed her over and over to no avail, holding her closer each time she tried to separate herself from him. Sometime during that night, her eyes had become lifeless; a deep abyss. The sight of it finally drove him to tears too, with his good eye becoming a glistening violet ring floating in a sea of angry red.

They say madness is a slow disease, and that nobody truly knows when it begins. They were wrong. Aemond Targaryen knew very well the exact moment when the madness had sunk its claws into his wife.

It was right then as he held her, comforting her and apologizing like a madman for tainting her life with his presence.

The moonlight diverged through the stained glass windows that directly faced the room where she now resided. She had been kept in these chambers before their wedding, and she often spoke of how beautiful the lights were when they fell directly onto the corridors, reflecting the colors of the glass that they slid through. He wondered if she still thought the same. He wondered if she even looked.

In the day that followed their son’s death, they had burned their little boy and watched as his body was wheeled around the streets of King’s Landing for their benefit. Aemond had wanted to retch then, but he held his wife tight as the people empathized with the kind princess whose time as a doting mother had been brutally cut short.

She fared worse - she looked dead in her eyes, and he was sure she was lost on the inside too. He did not know if she even sensed his hold on her as she kept muttering their dead boy’s name in a series of weak whimpers.

Two days later, she had lost their second child. He held her from behind and rocked her gently as the blood flowed from between her thighs for hours, the babe coming out in clumps of bloodied skin, having never drawn breath. Every moment of his wife’s torture plagued Aemond’s existence, and he questioned his abilities as a protector while grieving his son and his unborn child all alone.

The Gods were cruel to him in their games. They made him watch as his son’s life was taken, and they took bits of his wife’s mind and soul with each passing day. He supposed that this was the hand that kinslayers were dealt.

It was a slow death for Aemond, and it had begun the day his son was killed. Now he had to watch as his once vivacious wife completely lost hold over all her senses, and lived in a world where he could not reach her.

On some days, she would receive him with love, as though his presence in her life had not destroyed her completely. He would be able to revel in her touch once more, if only to simply be able to remind himself that she was still alive - in body, if not soul. He missed her, his wife, his woman, his entire heart. But his actions had killed her from the inside - did he have a right to his yearning anymore? He did not want to know, for he feared that he may not like the answer.

On other days, she would be the complete embodiment of madness. She would fight the maesters and scream at them, begging for them to let her die and throw herself off the window. She would pull at her beautiful hair, blame him continuously and shriek, mourning the loss of their child.

When she was done, she'd lower her voice and murmur words into the air. Speaking to no one in particular, almost like a ghost, she'd fidget with her dress and say, "His body twitched after they hurt him. My baby boy suffered. Oh, my boy!"

He may not have wielded the knife that removed his head, but his actions caused it. He may as well have killed his son himself. Guilt was not an emotion that Aemond Targaryen knew well as a boy, but it was all he now knew as a grown man.

She would bawl and cry at him to go away. She would scream at him to leave her alone, and blame him for killing her children - and rightfully so. And though it pricked at his heart, he would come back every night.

He wonders how she is feeling tonight. He wishes she was ignorant and unaware, for he is desperate for her touch, her company. It has been weeks. He is brought back to reality when the Maester’s gown billows behind him in the night wind.

“Your Grace.” he bows.

“How is she?”

“Somewhat calmed tonight and not lucid, my prince.” The old man sighs before continuing. “The Princess continues to ask for her little prince. We have given her milk of the poppy, so she may fall asleep soon enough.”

“Hm.”

He is mildly relieved to hear that she is not herself tonight - for it allows him to relive some of their happier days.

In his hand is a book - Ten Thousand Ships, the very one that he had gifted her. He dismisses the maester and his stewards follow behind him. Aemond walks into the room with his mind steeled, ready to be brave - for himself and for her.

“Husband! Come, come!” Her cheery voice is not quite hers, and it unnerves Aemond - her words are not from her heart, and it takes everything in him to not fall to his knees and apologize once more for what he has done to her. “The Maester said our boy’s learning to walk! Did you see him? I was promised that you would bring him tonight! Where is he?”

Gone, where we cannot see him, he wants to say. But how could he, without wanting to throw himself at her feet in regret? “He is tired. All that walking has exhausted him.”

“I suppose, yes! They tried to force me to take that vile concoction once more tonight, I managed to push it away and evade them! Look!” His gaze follows her hand and sees the spilled milk of the poppy on the floor. His wife was a calm and steady woman, and now she was behaving like a child and mistreating maesters.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

“You should not do that, wife. It is not proper.”

He holds her hand and kisses her knuckles, before leaning his head back to look at her. Her hair has not been combed today, and he gently turns her around to run his fingers through her hair, digits trembling at touching her once more. She could come to at any moment and remember who had caused her such distress, and then she would cry until he walked away - the very real possibility rakes at Aemond, so he remains prepared for her to push him away any time now.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

"I know. I drank it the second time. I'm sorry."

He then turns her back to face him and notices the dark rims around her empty eyes. He sighs and lets out a long, heavy breath. If he was drunk enough and she was unaware, he would fool himself into thinking that they were alright. But they aren’t.

“It is time to go to bed, wife. Will you come with me?” I love you, I miss you and I am sorry. Will you come back to me? Please?

He kisses both her eyelids and leads her to the bed in her shift. He gently helps her lay down, following her immediately as he lays next to her. She leans into his hold seamlessly and he tightens his arm around her - it hurts him how despite her madness, her penchant to seek out his touch never changes.

He takes the book from the bedside table, and she squeals. “Will you read to me tonight, husband? I do love it when you read to me. Perhaps a quiet moment between the both of us before the maids bring our son back? You know how he makes a fuss and refuses to give us a moment of quiet!” She laughs, and Aemond holds his tears back once more.

“Of course.” He kisses her temple.

He begins reading and the dry sounds of his throat lull her to sleep in his arms as he rakes his fingers through her hair. When she has completely drifted away from him, he allows himself a moment of thought and kisses her on the lips - watching as she murmurs his name.

He had taken her to wife, and sworn to protect her from any harm that may come her way. In the end, the only one she had to be protected from, was himself. He failed her, and now, he would not rest until he picked up all the pieces and put her back together.

When morning comes, she may still be unconscious of her surroundings and allow him some more time, or she may be lucid and scratch at his face until he leaves her alone. The uncertainty kills him, but he will allow himself to enjoy her tonight.

It was on this very day that he had kissed her for the first time, in the Sept, between the statues of the Mother and the Father. On this day, four years ago, they were married.

And on this day, he continues to read to her because she had asked, even when she had fallen asleep - for how could he ever deny her?

BONUS CHAPTER FOR THIS FIC, HERE.

NO TAG LIST. Please follow @randomdragonfics and turn on post notifications for all my fic updates!

MASTERLIST

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useless-englandfacts · 5 months ago

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We have had an influx of messages from people in Gaza, and so I'm putting them all in one post.

Please have a read of all of them - I've only included a summary of their stories here (you can read their full stories on their respective blogs and gofund.me pages), and the amount raised is at the time of posting. If you can't afford to give, then at the very least reblog and share this post.

@ahmednimer: raised €40,521 out of €49,000

I'm Ahmed Alanqar, 34 years old, married to Dina Alanqar, and we have three children Zeina (7 years old), Eileen (6 years old), and Yamen (4 years old), have faced all the challenges brought by the war in Gaza, but now we need your help to escape this tragedy.

His gofund.me is here

@alaakh9: raised €3,748 out of €20,000

My name is Alaa, I'm a Palestinian mother of two children: Maria and Hamza, and expecting another child, as well as a wife and a daughter. Until last October, I was living a regular and stable life with my husband, children, immediate family, and my in-laws. We lost everything: our home, our jobs, our dreams. My biggest worry is for Hamza and Maria, their future is uncertain. Where will they live, study, and grow up? Gaza offers little hope now, as the essentials of life are being destroyed. My children's future seems bleak, overshadowed by uncertainty.

Her gofund.me is here

@hmzamahamed3: raised €25,994 out of €37,000

Your support is a lifeline of hope. A few days ago, the area where my family's tents were was bombed, and the situation was very dangerous now. There is no water for thirst everywhere, and there is no food. Food is very expensive. If they want to eat, for example, a simple meal, they need a hundred euros, consisting of vegetables and simple things. If they want fruit, which is not available, the fruits they have not seen for months, and if they find their prices are exorbitant, they live now. I hope you support them and help them get out

His gofund.me is here

@shahednhall: raised $43,719 out of $80,000

I am Shahd from the southern Gaza Strip. All my life, I have been building a life for me and my family. It persisted in a good future, when the war in Gaza began on October 7, 2023. We were in extreme fear during the displacement, and found ourselves in an insufficient small tent. Despite the lack of safety, food, clean water and the spread of diseases, we had to live this difficult life under bombardment, knowing that at any moment, my family and I could lose our lives My whole life has been scattered, and I am extremely frustrated and sad by the ongoing genocide I witness every day.

Her gofund.me is here

@safaabed8: raised €13,194 out of €50,000

I'm Safaa, 25 years old, the wife of the best man in the world and the mother of the two most beautiful children, but the war deprived them of their childhood and its beauty. As you know, the Egyptian government imposes entry fees to its territory ranging from 5,000 to 8,000 dollars per person. Therefore, we need you to stand by us to leave Gaza and stay in Egypt, including rent expenses for my family and children. I hope everyone can help us do this as soon as possible. We do not want to lose anyone else from our family, just as we have lost many of our friends, loved ones, and relatives. Your support can be the light that guides us to safety, to a place where Ibtisam and Ibrahim can grow.

Her gofund.me is here

@tamer200333: raised $2337 out of $60,000

My name is Marcus, from North Carolina in the US, and I am managing this fundraiser on behalf of Mahmoud and Maysaa Baalousha. I recently found Mahmoud on social media in need of someone to make a fundraiser to evacuate his sister, Maysaa, who is displaced in Al-Shati, Gaza with her husband, Muhammed, and four children, Tamer, Mohamed, Dana, and Dima. Mahmoud is presently displaced, but safe, in Egypt, but is unable to make a fundraiser for his sister. I am currently in contact with him on WhatsApp where he has provided me information on his sister and her family. Maysaa suffers from pulmonary fibrosis. Due to the continued siege on Gaza and the specific targeting of hospitals, she is unable to access the care she desperately needs. This campaign will provide the funds she and her family needs to evacuate and access medical care once the border re-opens.

His gofund.me is here

@hadeelmekki: raised €9,338 out of €35,000

I am Hadeel Mikki from Gaza, Palestine and this is my husband Waseem Mikki, my daughters Mira and Nadia, My mother Tahani Mikki, and my two brothers. The objective of this fundraising drive is to secure the passage of my family, comprising my husband, two daughters, mother, two brothers, and myself, through the Rafah Crossing to Egypt. Presently, this journey necessitates £5000 per person. This campaign stands as our sole opportunity for survival, and I earnestly implore your aid during this pivotal juncture. Rest assured, I will furnish you with a detailed breakdown of the expenses, vowing transparency, and lucidity throughout.

her gofund.me is here

@ashraf-family2: raised €13,029 out of €20,000

My name is Ashraf Alanqar, and I am 30 years old. My wife, Widad Issa, and I have a one-and-a-half-year-old son named Bakr. We used to live peacefully in the Al-Shuja’iya neighborhood, in a house we built just a week before the war began. I worked as a farmer and owned a large chicken farm that provided for my family. We urgently need your help. I am asking for your support to fund this campaign to move my family to a safe place, provide us with a proper home, and ensure we have enough food, water, and medical care.

His gofund.me is here

@88mohammed: raised €1,338 out of €100,000

My name is Mohammed Shurrab , a qualified medical doctor, palestinian living in Gaza, facing significant challenges with my family due to continuous attacks and shortages of food, water, and medicine. We need your help to escape this dire situation and find safety in Egypt. Please help us to preserve the lives of my child and my family. My family consists of my child and my wife in addition to my parents, grandfather and 4 sisters with her families and 3 brothers, since the start of war our house has been damaged and we have been displaced to a safer place, but there is still danger to our lives. The cost of crossing into Egypt is high reaching 5000$ for adults and 2500$ for children, and there is no job and no income in the war, we have been lost every things in this war, our house and our jobs and now don’t have anything.

His gofund.me is here

@amira-world: raised €16,865 out of €20,000

After my father's passing, I found myself taking care of my family, consisting of my mother, sister Noor, and brother Abdulrahman. My mother, suffering from high blood pressure and diabetes, faces health problems that further complicate their situation. But courage and determination drive Amira forward. I worked as a teaching assistant at the university while pursuing a master's degree in data science, and also worked as a programmer in a company. My life was going smoothly until war came and destroyed everything.

Her gofund.me is here

@mohammadayyad: raised €12,698 out of €35,000

I am writing to you in a time of dire need, seeking your compassionate assistance for my uncle Mohammed and his five children, who are enduring the severe hardships of the conflict in Gaza. For over 200 days, they have faced unimaginable fear and suffering. The ongoing crisis has left them without a home, employment, or access to education. Moreover, the healthcare challenges in the region have tragically claimed the life of my grandmother, who passed away not directly from the conflict, but from a critical shortage of medical supplies.

His gofund.me is here

#palestine #fundraisers

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karineverse · 1 month ago

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List of Palestinians that reached out to my dms

@lamahouranii11 https://gofund.me/cd29b3ea

"I'm Lama, I live in a tent after being displaced 3 times, this tent doesn't protect us from the cold of winter and we need winter clothes for us, our children and the elderly, everything in the market is expensive and we cannot afford to buy it, with the closure of the crossings.💔😭There is also no food in the market or flour, we are on the verge of famine in the south unfortunately and no one is moving for us and everything is 20 times its price, such as milk, diapers, food, flour and clothes, we cannot afford to provide any of these supplies for us and our children, help us and donate to us, you are our last hope and lifeline for us. 💔💔😞"

@hadeelsamir https://gofund.me/fdd492ab

"My tragic story with my family began with the beginning of the ground invasion in Khan Younis city when the Israeli army surprised the citizens living in Al-Mawasi, a safe place according to the Israeli army, early in the morning by shooting and shooting at anyone who moved. No matter what they were. My family and I were trapped in our beautiful home for 24 hours until we found a way and sneaked to safety so that they could survive for the first time. We left all our belongings behind us, we were only carrying some money and important papers, we could not sleep that night. The next morning, we bought a tent trying to make it look like a shelter."

@life-111 https://gofund.me/2cf9966e

"I am Ahmed Hammad, 26 years old, married, and I have a child that I had two months ago. I have lost many members of my family, including my father, brother, and sister, as a result of the war on my country, Gaza. I used to work as a cleaner at Shuhada al-Aqsa Hospital, where I was injured by the bombing two weeks ago. I can't support my family and my little child is malnourished. I now live with my wife, mother, and son in an unlivable tent. I can't work, I can't provide treatment for my sick mother, and I fear for my child's future. I want him to live a normal life.

Any help you can give will be appreciated as a beacon of hope in our darkness. The war has destroyed our lives, turning us from a happy family into homeless refugees. We need support to provide food, drink, clothes, as well as milk, diapers, and proper nutrition for our little boy. We desperately need help so that we can continue to face these daily challenges and survive. Every bit of support and help can save our lives and give us hope for a better tomorrow. I call on you all to stand in solidarity with us during this ordeal. Every small donation, no matter how little, will change our lives for the better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and help ♥️♥️♥️"

@eslamfa2 https://gofund.me/a2ccf744

"Eslam is a teacher and a young mother of 2; Hanaa (age 5) and Ana (age 1). Since last year, she and her family have been fighting to survive the siege on Ghazzah.She and her family lost their home to the bombings, displacing them all to a tent. The unhygienic conditions have caused both of Eslam's children to develop skin diseases."

@hanangaza https://gofund.me/3c368bc9

"Hanan, her husband, and their three young children are fighting to survive the genocide in Ghazzah. They endured the bombing of their home with themselves still inside, and afterwards were displaced to tent camps by the coast. Hanan's husband's clothing store, their main source of income, was destroyed as well during the bombardments.

They are now living every day without the most basic amenities of living; their tent doesn't even protect them from the weather."

#free palestine #palestine #gaza #free gaza #gaza strip #gfm list #gofundme links #go fund them

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i-drop-level-one-loot · 9 months ago

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hii I JUST LOVE YOUR WORK i stay and read them every day tbh, it's my first time requesting so I'm a lil nervous (also english isn't my first language so if i write too tangled things don't mind please) yandere disease has been corrupting my mind lately like this disease has taken over the world and now people are divided in two types: yanderes and darlings. Every darling is forced to stay with their yanderes by their parents and government when they turn 20 , like goverment has been taking care of yanderes too much, there's territories and special occasions where yanderes can meet darlings, if darling tries to escape people are just gonna drag them to their "soulmate" otherwise they think darling are too weak and fragile to protect themselves.

If you're too busy, just ignore this. I also know how hard it is to write. Hope you're doing good💗💗

Your English is perfect ❤️ better than some native speakers' ❤️ I'm sorry this took so long, I hope you enjoy!!

Yandere!Fiance x GN!Reader

There were conspiracy theories as to how it happened.

Populations around the globe had declined dramatically, worrying nearly every country in every continent. The most popular theory online was that to combat the rapidly declining birth rate, one (or more) of the suffering countries conspired to create a new kind of biological warfare; an illness directed at their own people to foster relations. Unfortunately, while half of people were naturally immune to the attack, the other half were affected too much.

It was just a theory. Nothing could be proved. No government wanted to get to the bottom of the "attack" because their economies were booming; who would want to rid people of an illness that drove the rate of divorce to an all time low? It didn't matter if there were a few hiccups along the way.. As long as people were pushing out more babies, governments across the planet were more than happy to just create new laws to keep the death rates minimal ensure happiness amongst couples.

(Reader) prayed on their knees like fanatic, begging any God that may be listening, for years that they could be one of the Lovers instead of a Darling. They were terrified of the idea of becoming someone's Darling; becoming a prisoner to a loving murderer. No matter how perfect each family unit seemed to be, the young adult could see it in their father's eyes, the longing for the outside world, away from their mother. The suffocating love their mother drowned him in; the almost unnoticeable quiver to his smile.. (Reader) wished upon every single star in the sky that they could fall madly in love with someone, just so they didn't have to live through the rose tinted hell their father did.

But every crush they had was normal, none of the guys they thought were cute in highschool awakened some kind instinct in them. Eventually (Reader) turned 19 years old, and found out that they were engaged.

"To who??" (Reader) nearly barfed onto the dinner table. Their parents sat across from them, smiling happily from the good news they had just delivered to their child.

"He went to the same elementary school as you! Isn't that romantic?" Their mother cooed, poking her husband while doing so. "Apparently he's known since forever that you two are soul mates, but he's been too shy until recently to approach the Family Planning Bureau about his feelings~"

(Reader) gripped their thighs under the table while their eyes stung from the blossoming tears. ".. Do I have to meet him?" They asked quietly.

Although the building was painted bright blue and was surrounded by a beautiful, flowery landscape, it felt like a prison with it's tall chain link fencing.

The sorrowful expression on their father's sympathetic face burned into their retina so painfully, that every time they blinked while on the bus to their first meeting with their "fiance" they could still see it. He knew just as well as (Reader) did that there was no escape.

Even the walk towards a private meeting room past other Darlings felt like a death march. (Reader) could only hope that the "electric chair" wouldn't be too painful.

The kind guard opened a door, and a young man they did not recognize sitting inside immediately stood up, his face bright red.

His freckled and bespectacled face was almost hidden by his wavy, unbrushed hair. A smile stretched sweetly across his round cheeks, and (Reader) noticed that his blush went down his neck. "Ah- (Reader)! It's nice to- it's nice to meet you!"

It didn't matter that he was incredibly adorable: (Reader) was determined not to let their guard down.

"You said we went to elementary school together?"

"Yes-"

"-I'm sorry, but I don't remember you." They interrupted him, curt and to the point.

Instead of looking offended, his eyes softened and his smile became (somehow) warmer. "I'm sorry." He motioned to a seat near the table he was just sitting at. "I can explain everything.. if you give me a chance."

Reluctantly, (Reader) sat across from him. It was hard to deny that he was attractive, really being their ideal man, but they continuously bit the inside of their cheek to prevent themselves from feeling any sort of positive emotion. They knew better than to fall into this trap.

"My name is Anthony." His freckles almost disappeared entirely under his blush. "I'm sorry I never had the confidence to approach you.."

"Huh?" The confused teen forgot to hold their tongue. "Isn't it, like, frowned upon to talk to your Darling before registering with the bureau?"

Anthony rubbed his hands together nervously. "I - I really didn't want you to meet me this way.." He sucked in air between his teeth, looking faint. "I.. Do you believe in true love?"

A pang shot through (Reader's) heart. They remembered every time they would chase a crush, yearning for something true and genuine. Reading love stories from the days before the bureau, and wondering if that was what love was really like once upon a time. "No."

He sighed sadly. "I believe.. or at least, I want to believe in true love." Anthony sat straighter, staring into (Reader's) eyes with a shaky confidence. "I should have asked you out when I first met you in the fifth grade. I'm sorry I was too nervous to talk to you back then."

Vibrating adrenaline shook their system as they tried to make sense of what this stranger was saying.

"I wanted to ask you out, and take you on dates, and get to know you like in the old days."

"Why didn't you?"

His head fell slightly, obscuring his face entirely. "I thought that my feelings for you weren't strong enough.."

(Reader) suddenly felt as though they were connected with Anthony on a spiritual level; as though he was the only person in the whole world to understand them. The need for love, conflicting with the fear of not being a Lover, being destined to be labeled as a Darling. "Are you.." (Reader) dropped their voice to a whisper, "are you a lover?"

Sorrow filled Anthony's figure. Shoulders slumped, and back shuddering under his uneven, heavy breaths. "Would you report me if I wasn't?"

It was as if God had finally answered (Reader's) prayers. Their heart was racing; their head felt lighter than a cloud. Stuttering over their words, the young adult had to avert their gaze. "I don't remember you.. but I wouldn't mind getting to know you." Even though they didn't love him, Anthony felt like their one and only chance to fall in love naturally. To not be trapped like their father.

"Then.. I can see you again?"

(Reader) smiled. "Yeah.."

....

The second (Reader) left the room, Anthony's head hit the table with a loud bang.

It felt like he was going to vomit with how excited he was, and he couldn't contain his giggles any longer. Being in the same room as his childhood love was almost too much for him, and he almost ruined everything.

Anthony had worked so hard to make (Reader) love him.

He knew they liked shy, nerdy types, so he morphed into that. Destroying his eye sight so he could wear glasses, growing out his hair so he could always look slightly dishevelled, biting his tongue until it bled to force himself to stay in character.

Tears pooled around his nose on the table. He was smarter than the Lovers that made his precious (Reader) scared to be a Darling.

"I'm so happy..~" Anthony sobbed loudly in the empty room. "Please fall in love with me quickly~ Although, I don't mind waiting on you forever.. I want you to love me now..!"

#yandere #yandere x reader #gn reader #thank you for interacting with me #sorry it took so long #yandere fiance #yandere oc #cw manipulation

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iwillnotdieamonster · 8 months ago

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"This is a beautiful letter from Fiona Apple explaining to her fans why she must postpone a concert date. I am impressed at the way she was instantly able to make the decision to choose love over her career. Indeed, the world needs more of this.

It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet. I'm writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.

Here's the thing.

I have a dog, Janet, and she's been ill for about 2 years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now. I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then — an adult, officially — and she was my kid.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.

She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.

She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight, or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.

Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact. We've lived in numerous houses, and joined a few makeshift families, but it's always really been just the two of us.

She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.

She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me, all the time we recorded the last album.

The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks, every 6 or 7 years.

She has Addison's Disease, which makes it more dangerous for her to travel, since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.

Despite all this, she's effortlessly joyful & playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago. She is my best friend, and my mother, and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.

I can't come to South America. Not now. When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.

She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.

I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people.

But I know she is coming close to the time where she will stop being a dog, and start instead to be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.

I just can't leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.

Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes just to decide what socks to wear to bed.

But this decision is instant.

These are the choices we make, which define us. I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love & friendship.

I am the woman who stays home, baking Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend. And helps her be comfortable & comforted & safe & important.

Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life that keeps us feeling terrified & alone. I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time. I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.

I need to do my damnedest, to be there for that.

Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.

When she dies.

So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and I am revelling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel. And I'm asking for your blessing.

I'll be seeing you.

Love,

Fiona"

Credit goes to the respective owners.

#love #caring #animals #family #loss

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bigforeheadbaddie · 3 months ago

Text

Fiona Apple when she has to opt out of performing for personal reasons:

“It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet.

I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.

Here's the thing.

I have a dog Janet, and she's been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now.I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then ,an adult officially – and she was my child.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.

She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.

She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight ,or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.

Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact.

We've lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it's always really been the two of us.

She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.

The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.

She has Addison's Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.

Despite all of this, she's effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago.

She's my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.

I can't come to South America. Not now.

When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference

She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.

I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people.

But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.

I just can't leave her now, please understand.

If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.

Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed.

But this decision is instant.

These are the choices we make, which define us.

I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship.

I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend.

And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important.

Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone.

I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.

I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.

I need to do my damnedest to be there for that.

Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.

When she dies.

So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.

And I am asking for your blessing.I'll be seeing you.

Love, Fiona”

———————————————————————

Chappell Roan when she gets flamed on the internet for claiming to have done her research and then promptly mispronounces the current Vice President’s (very simple) name:

#fiona apple #chappell roan

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janesurlife · 4 days ago

Text

"When I was young, I learned a lesson that is still etched in my mind. I'm not sure how old I was exactly, but I think I was around 12. During that age, I loved to go fishing. I love the sea, because I am of Mallorca, and in my case the sea is part of my life. It is about the feeling of being by the sea, sitting on the rocks with your family and friends, or on a boat: the disconnection and peace you feel is something. special. One day I went fishing when I could having been training. The next day I lost my match. I remember I was crying in the car on the way home, and my uncle, who at that early age had a great influence on me, and who made me fall in love with tennis, told me : “Okay, it's just a tennis match. Don't cry now, there's no point. If you want to fish, you can fish. But if you want to win, you have to do what you have to first. do.” It was a very important lesson for me. He sees me as a perfectionist, so it's because of that inner voice that was calling me on the car ride home. The voice has never left me. One day I will be able to be in the sea. "Today and tomorrow... I have to practice."

"I wasn't a kid who really had sports idols. I guess it has to do with my Mallorcan character. My heroes were people I knew in real life. But when I was 12 years old I was able to play for the first time with Carlos Moyá. A Spanish compatriot, also from Mallorca. French Open champion and first Spanish player to be number 1. I was so nervous just to hit some balls with him. It was an unforgettable experience, a window to another world. Tennis was transforming from something that was just for fun (a child's game) to a true pursuit of making a living. It made me dream a little more. One day, maybe I can play at Roland-Garros..."

"But pain is one of life's greatest teachers. I got hurt when I was 17 and was told I would probably never play professional tennis again. I learned that things can end in an instant. It's not just a small crack in my foot, it is a disease. There is no cure, only management. What does that mean? You go from the greatest joy to waking up the next morning without being able to walk. great lesson of humility and I was lucky to have a father (the true influence I have had in my life) who was always so positive. "We will find a solution," he said. "And if we don't, there are other things in life besides the problem. tennis." Hearing those words, I could barely process it, but thank God, after a lot of pain, surgeries, rehab, and tears, a solution was found and, all these years, I was able to fight it."

"Tennis is a sport that demands a lot from you mentally, but there are many moments of joy that I will never forget. The Davis Cup in 2004, Roland Garros in 2005, of course Wimbledon in 2008. But then there is my first US Open and when I closed the circle of the Grand Slam tournaments in Melbourne. And I don't forget those tournaments like the one in Madrid and Barcelona in my country, or the one in Indian Wells in Miami, or the one in Cincinnati where I won. for the first time in 2013, or the beautiful Monte Carlo, or the special feeling of Rome, or Shanghai and Beijing with those incredible fans... Canada, Mexico, Chile, Brazil, my first days in Buenos Aires... so many. of incredible memories. However, you can never stop trying. You can never relax. You always have to improve, and that has been the constant in my life. That's how I became a better player.

For 30 years, the image I conveyed to the world was not always what I felt inside. Honestly, I've been nervous before every game I've played; that never leaves you. Every night before a game I went to bed feeling like I might lose (and when I woke up in the morning too!). In tennis, the difference between players is very fine, and between rivals even more so. When you go out on the field anything can happen, that's why all your senses must be awake, alive. That feeling, the inner fire and the nerves, the adrenaline of going out and seeing a full court, is a very difficult feeling to describe. It is a feeling that only a few can understand, and something that I am sure will never be the same again now that I retire as a professional. There will still be those moments playing exhibitions and maybe in other sports as well. "I will always compete and try to do my best, but it won't be the same feeling as walking in front of the fans in a certain stadium."

For most of my career, I was good at controlling emotions. With one exception. I went through a very difficult time, mentally, a few years ago. I was very used to physical pain, but there were times on the court when I had a hard time controlling my breathing and I couldn't play at the highest level. I have no problem saying it now. After all, we are human beings, not superheroes. The person you see on center court with a trophy is a person. Exhausted, relieved, happy, grateful, but only one person. Fortunately, I haven't gotten to the point where I can't control things like anxiety, but there are times with every player when it's hard to control your mind, and when that happens it's hard to have full control of your game. There were months when I thought about taking a complete break from tennis to clear my mind. In the end, I worked on it every day to get better. I conquered it by always moving forward and little by little I became myself again. What I am most proud of is that I may have struggled, but I never gave up. "I always gave my best."

Tennis is also a teacher of life itself. Most of the time, you don't win the tournament you play. No matter who you are, at the end of many weeks you will have lost. Real life is the same. You learn to live with the moments of joy and the moments of pain, and try to treat them the same way. In the good times I never thought he was Superman and in the bad times I never thought he was a failure. "What makes you grow as a person is life itself: the failures, the nerves, the anguish, the joy, the process of waking up every day and trying to be a little better to achieve your goals." "At the end of the day, you get what you give. I hope my legacy is that I always tried to treat others with deep respect. This was my parents' golden rule. When I was a child, my father He always told me: “Inventing is difficult. Copying is much easier.” It wasn't about life. Look around you and see how people you admire treat people. them. Act like them and you will probably live a happy life. I carried that lesson with me in every game I played. I was not driven by hatred for my rivals, but by deep respect and admiration I simply tried to wake up every morning and improve a little to keep up with them. "I tried... I always tried." "For over 30 years I have given everything I could to this game. In return, I received joy and happiness. Joy and happiness, love and friendship, and so much more... Sincerely, Rafa."

#rafael nadal #rafa nadal #tennis news #tennis #sports #sports icon

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solaria-creates · 4 months ago

Note

Hello 🖐

I am aya living in North Gaza with my three children, and we are facing starvation in the northern region. We have moved more than 13 times trying to find a safe place, but there is no safety anywhere.

I am asking for your help to protect my children and get us out of this imminent danger😥.

Your donations and sharing of my story will greatly contribute to our survival.🙏🙏

https://gofund.me/7dc97966

Please go support Aya's campaign in any way possible!! Whether that be reblogging this post, donating whatever you feasibly can, contacting your local politicians about ceasefire, or spreading the word in your circles, we can all do our part to help these people experiencing something I can barely fathom. Below is the description pulled directly from the linked gofundme, please read and reblog!

Currently €11,723 raised of €15,000 goal

A Cry for Help from Gaza

My name is Aya, I'm 29 years old. I'm married to Jihad, who is 32, and we have three beautiful children: Abdelrahman (7 years old), Jori (5 years old), and Adam (2 years old). We live in the northern part of Gaza.

Abdelrahman, Adam, and Jori are the heartbeat of my heart and the light of my life.

The Harrowing Tale of the Recent War in Gaza

Since the onset of the latest war in Gaza, our home has been completely destroyed, forcing us into displacement. We’ve had to move more than thirteen times in search of safety. During this harrowing journey, we faced severe hunger and malnutrition that nearly took my life and the lives of my children. Additionally, we were exposed to numerous contagious diseases and dangerous epidemics.

Before: This is our home, our dream, and our promising future.

Unbearable Hardships

My children have to travel long distances just to get water and stand in line for hours to get food. Their mental health has been shattered by the war, their education has come to a halt, and they have suffered from catastrophic hunger that almost claimed their lives.

After: This is our home, built with our sweat and effort, and it has been completely destroyed.

The Right to a Peaceful Life

My children deserve to live a peaceful life free from fear and anxiety. I dream of your help to support my family and escape this genocide. Your assistance means the world to me and my children.

The cost to arrange travel for an adult out of Gaza is currently between $5,000 and $7,000, and $2,500 for each child.

How You Can Help

Your donations can be a beacon of hope for us. Every dollar can help save my children's lives and give them a chance to live in peace. Your prayers for us to overcome this ordeal and lift the siege are greatly needed.

Jori: my beloved girl, the one closest to my heart, and my little mini-me.

Abdelrahman: the lion of the house, the helpful and loving boy to his siblings and family.

Donate Now and Help Us Reach Safety

May God bless you abundantly for your generosity.

Background on the Gaza War

The war in Gaza has left hundreds of thousands of victims, destroyed infrastructure, and rendered many homeless. The humanitarian situation in the region has reached critical levels, with severe shortages in basic necessities such as food, water, and healthcare. Children are the most affected, having lost their sense of safety, education, and normal life.

Your Support is Our Hope

Your donation is the light that can guide us toward a better future. Don’t miss the chance to be part of a story that saves a family enduring unimaginable hardships.

They are the most beautiful duo, playing together, studying side by side, and working hand in hand. More than just siblings 3> .

Donate Now and Make Hope Possible

Thank you for your support and kindness.

My gratitude

Aya & Family

---------------------------------------------------------

مرحبا / السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

أنقذوا ما تبقى من حياة آية وعائلتها

نداء إنساني من غزة

أنا آية، عمري 29 سنة، متزوجة من جهاد، 32 سنة، وأم لثلاثة أطفال: عبد الرحمن (7 سنوات)، جوري (5 سنوات)، وآدم (2 سنة). نعيش في قطاع غزة، وتحديداً في الشمال.

مأساة الحرب الأخيرة في غزة

منذ بداية الحرب الأخيرة في غزة، تم تدمير بيتنا بالكامل واضطررنا للنزوح. نزحت أنا وعائلتي إلى أكثر من ثلاثة عشر مكانًا بحثًا عن الأمان. في هذه الرحلة القاسية، تعرضنا لمجاعة وسوء تغذية كارثي كاد يودي بحياتي وحياة أطفالي، بالإضافة إلى انتشار الكثير من الأمراض المعدية والأوبئة الخطيرة.

صعوبات لا تُحتمل

أطفالي يذهبون مسافات طويلة للحصول على الماء، وينتظرون في طوابير لساعات للحصول على الطعام. حالتهم النفسية تدمرت بسبب الحرب، وتوقفت حياتهم الدراسية، وتعرضوا لمجاعة كارثية كادت تؤدي بحياتهم.

حق الحياة الكريمة

من حق أطفالي العيش حياة هادئة بعيدا عن الخوف والقلق. أتمنى مساعدتكم للوقوف بجانب عائلتي للهروب من حرب الإبادة الجماعية. مساعدتكم تعني الكثير لي ولأطفالي.

تكلفة التنسيق للسفر للفرد البالغ إلى خارج غزة تبلغ حاليًا من خمسة إلى سبعة آلاف دولار، وكذلك 2500 دولار لكل طفل.

كيف يمكنك المساعدة؟

تبرعاتكم ستكون بمثابة الأمل الجديد لنا. كل دولار يمكن أن يساهم في إنقاذ حياة أطفالي ومنحهم فرصة للعيش بسلام. دعواتكم لنا بأن يرفع الله عنا هذه الغمة ويفك الحصار.

تبرع الآن وساعدنا في الهروب إلى بر الأمان

جزاكم الله خيراً وبارك فيكم.

خلفية عامة عن الحرب في غزة

الحرب في غزة خلفت وراءها مئات الآلاف من الضحايا، ودمرت البنية التحتية، وتركت الكثيرين بلا مأوى. الأوضاع الإنسانية في القطاع وصلت إلى مراحل حرجة، حيث يعاني السكان من نقص شديد في الموارد الأساسية مثل الطعام والماء والرعاية الصحية. الأطفال هم الأكثر تأثراً، حيث فقدوا الأمان والتعليم والحياة الطبيعية.

دعمكم هو الأمل

تبرعكم هو الشعاع الذي ينير طريقنا نحو مستقبل أفضل. لا تدعوا هذه الفرصة تفوتكم لتكونوا جزءاً من قصة إنقاذ عائلة تعاني في ظروف قاسية.

تبرع الآن واجعل الأمل ممكنًا

شكراً لدعمكم وكرمكم.

#save gaza #gaza genocide #free gaza #gaza strip #gaza #gazaunderattack #fuck israel #free palestine #palestine genocide #all eyes on palestine #palestinian genocide #save palestine #i stand with palestine

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nelissecrectplace · 2 years ago

Text

Void

ch 4

neteyam x reader

word count: 4k

Language: ‘evi - child (affectionate)

summary: Your relationship with Neteyam seems to only grow more complicated as it’s announced you are too be mates. With feelings and secrets exposed everything starts to change as you start drifting from the boy you use to know. Years pass and while things seem to be looking up it all plummets when a new star in the sky makes itself known.

—————————

The next few months there was no doubt in your mind that the Neteyam had been avoiding you. At first you thought maybe it was a coincidence that he was busy every time you stopped by or had to leave as soon as you would enter. The responsibility’s of a warrior was new to him, so he was probably taking time to adjust or adding extra training. After a while though, it was painfully obvious it was intensional, he was acting as if you carried a disease.

One evening your mind was especially troubled by this. That morning you had tried to approach the boy, your eyes had met, but before you could call out to him he quickly reached to his side pulling Kyna near him. The girl wore a smug look as she passed you almost as if to smear in your face that she had won even though the clan knew you and Neteyam were to be mated. You felt hurt and even more rejected than before by this action, you knew he regretted that night by the mossy rock but did he really have to chose Kyna? The one girl who openly shamed you at the celebration, for the thing you could not control.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kiri’s calm voice spoke from next to you as she plopped herself down next to you on a log.

“It’s Neteyam,” You let out a long sigh as you leaned into kiri “Ever since our engagement was announced he has been cold towards me.” Your ears drooped as you looked down at your bare legs, not needing to wear your skirt around your friend. “The night of his iknimaya he called me beautiful and I feel asleep in his arms by a pond, I think he regrets it. I think those words were meant for another na’vi.” Kiri listened intently as you told her all the details about Kyna, how Neteyam has been avoiding you, and how you yearn for him.

“y/n, you are one of the most beautiful women in our village he is a fool for not jumping in joy. I can talk to him if you want.”

“There is no need kiri, he has made up his mind. He does not wish to spend his days with a half breed.” Sulking you brung your curls around your shoulder to cover your breast. Tsking kiri swiped them back behind your frame.

“He is a fool, now come, I’ll wash your hair for you.” You followed her into the hot spring as you both dipped your hair. A good washday with kiri helped cleanse your troubled soul, it was nice to bask in the heat of the pool and have all your worries float away. Sadly you guys could not stay there until you melted away, kiri had forgotten all her hair stuff at her pod. You playfully rolled your eyes as she announced her mistake. The two of you quickly prepared to travel down.

You threw your skirt over your soaked loincloth , you liked to think of your loincloth as a ‘bikini bottom’ because you found the word the sky people’s used to describe your little cloth humorous. Of course you did not walk around exposed, your skirt did a nice job of covering most your skin. Your hair was still dripping as you mounted kiris Ikran but the animal did not seem to mind as it flew with the urgency the both of you felt. You reached highcamp in no time as you both ran off the Ikran giggling with eachother along the way. Your hair was still soaked as you reached their pod, you and kiri rushed in to her corner as she drew her make shift curtain shut.

“Can you give me another pair of bottoms, and is anyone going to be home soon? My skirt is uncomfortably wet.” Laughing at your pitiful look kiri tossed you a new set of clothes

“No one should be home til after the communal dinner.” You celebrated at that information as you shimmied out of your skirt and cloths, putting on the dry ones kiri gave to you. It felt strange not having something skin tight to cover your breast as you placed her decorative necklace top on. Unlike you kiri preferred loser tops while you loved the one that fit you tight, often times wrapping around your frame or shoulders

“Not having that skirt on feels so freeing, i’m thinking about getting rid of it.”

Kira’s ears perked up at your words as she finished putting her dry cloths on.

“Y/n oh my Eywa yes! The clan would be blessed to see your all of your beauty, and than we can match our outfits!” The girl beamed her ideas as you felt your cheeks burn at her compliments

“I do love the cloth that hang from your loincloths.” Your hands trailed on the square fabric that your covers lacked as you admired the outfit you were borrowing.

“You could also just wear the ones you have now, your ‘bikini bottoms’” Laugher broke in the pod out as kiri used the weird sky people word.

“Now back to our original plan.” You both regained your composure as you began to brush out your hair. Kiri always helped you first because in order to get the comb through your locks it had to still be wet while her hair did not take much effort. Some days she would just leave it natural, you wanted to try her way.

“Do you think I could just let my curls be?” Kiri only hummed in approval as she went to get some oils for you to run through your hair.

“It’s perfect if you do, I also forgot my hair ties in the healers tent.” Laughing at her forgetfulness you waved her off to go find them. She smiled shyly as she left, not forgetting to hand you the oils.

“be back soon!”Hollering the girl left the pod as you heard her footsteps quickly disappear. You began to rub the oil through your curls as you looked into the reflective surface the sullys kept. You could not quite remember the name but it was fairly useful letting you see all the places you had missed.

Suddenly you heard footsteps enter the pod. “Wow talk about record speed.” You said as you continue to style your natural curls. When you got no response confusion swept over you as you looked behind you. There stood Neteyam in all his glory. Sadness settled in your stomach as all the events of the past couple months came up again. All the feeling of sadness. No words were said as he looked at you with his fierce eyes an awkward silence consumed the pod, you could cut the tension with a rotted leaf.

“Neteyam! What is taking so long, the other are waiting!” A whiny voice soon interrupted the long stare as Kyan forced herself into the pod. Her eyes seemed to land on you and almost immediately she let out a scream/ laugh.

“Oh my god! Is that thing your tail?!” She cackled as she looked at you and with all the commotion 3 other young na’vi poked their head into the tent. They all shared a shocked look as they looked you up and down. Scrambling to your feet you quickly face the other way hoping to hide your tail, but that did not do much as their was a mirror behind you. Making your rear side even more visible. You felt exposed as their eyes burned into you. Some of them laughed as the others made comments you could not hear but you knew it was not positive as the other na’vis only snickered. Trying to hide behind your hair was a fail, it could only reach your waist but in the moment it was the only thing you could do.

“Everyone out of my home!” Neteyams voiced seemed to silence the commotion as it dripped with an anger you had never seen before. He grabbed Kyan by her shoulder as he harshly pushed her out of his pod, hissing at the na’vi that poked their heads in. You watched as his hands tied the door shut, his movement were fast as he made sure all the curtains were closed.

Exhaling deeply Neteyam turned his body towards you. You felt exposed as his eyes scanned your body, finally seeming to be acknowledging your presence for the first time in months. Uncomfortable you hugged your body as you looked back at the boy with glossy eyes. Not only had your feelings from the past month been brought to the surface but the harsh reality that your secret was out was starting to set in as you watched his gaze shift down to your tail.

Neteyam could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he took you in. He would like to think it was from the rage of the other na’vi seeing you but he knew it wasn’t. Pushing you away had only seems to make him want you more. He felt foolish knowing that you resented the engagement, and did not see him but he could not help it. His heart only seemed to pick up its pace as his eyes scanned your newly revealed lower half as a purple hue rose to his cheeks.

“Y/n I- are you ok?” Cutting off his own sentence the boy slowly made his way towards you. Looking up again you could not control the way rage overturned your once teary eyed face.

“Am I ok?” Scoffing your repeat his question looking at him with accusatory eyes. “You have not spoken to me in 4 months, gotten cuddly with the only na’vi that openly insults me, and my tail has been exposed to the clan, what do you think?!?!” The harness in your voice made the older boys ears droop, he looked as if he was a kicked puppy. Normally you would fold but you were too hurt to care as you felt tears of anger slide down your cheeks.

The boy felt guilty as you spoke your words. He wanted to save you from every having to shed tears again, but as he processed your words his own anger and resentment rose to the top.

“I have been with Kyna because of you, and what did you expect after the words you said in my pod!” Neteyam voice slightly raised as he poked your chest with and accusatory finger. The force made you take a step back and as your regained your balance rage consumed your body.

“Me?!” Hissing at the boy your tail whipped from side to side with aggression. “You’re the one who led me on! You were so intimate with me that night in the forest then after that you act as if I am a disease!”

Reacting to your aggressive actions the boy stood tall as he used his height to tower over you. “I have done no such thing! You said you could never see me!”

“Yet you act as if our engagement is a burden! You are ashamed to be promised to a freak! Running to be with Kyna as if you are replacing me with something you desire!”

For one you did not cower as the boy stared down at you with the same fury you had in your eyes.

“I went to her for a distraction!”

“From what?!”

“From you!”

Silence fell over the room as you tried to dissect the boys words. You did not know if his word were positive or negative.

“I do not understand.” Lowering your voice you felt the anger leave you as you looked up at the boy. He managed to back you into the mirror as you felt the cold surface graze your tail. You flinched as you felt the na’vi grab your waist, he quickly turned you around, and your eyes were met with your reflexions in the mirror. Pulling you into him the boy slid his arms under yours as his head rested on the top of yours. You felt his swallow thickly before his hands began to sign. You watched his hands intently as they moved through the motions you had taught him, you felt as if something had been caught in your throat.

‘I see you’

You felt his heart thump in his chest as he pressed himself against you, and how his hands slightly shook as you placed your tinier ones on his. You removed your body from his hold as you turned to face him holding his hands in yours.

“I can not trust you with my heart. Not after these months…I thought I saw you.” Your tone was drowned in silence as you softly spoke to the boy. You felt how his body tensed and saw how his tail dropped at your response.

“Y/n im sorry, please.” Neteyam pleaded as he cupped your hands. You only shook your head as you pulled away from his grasp.

“I will not be played with again.” With that you made your way out the pod. You did not dare to look at the boy as you left, tears dropping down your own face. Your father always said the first love hurt the most and right now you felt as if he was right.

You did not care how many heads you turned as you walked back to your pod. The secret was out anyway and you were too lost in your own sorrows to even care. You wanted to trust the boy, but you were scared, especially after he proved that he could live just fine while he left you in torment.

~~~~~

That night you did not go to the communal dinner. You knew your father was worried because once he entered the pod he placed freshly picked Yovo fruits in front of you. He commonly displayed these little acts of affection but the sheer amount of fruit your eyes landed upon you knew that the man was troubled. He always spoiled you extra when he felt that you were down.

“‘Evi, why have you discarded your leg cover? Did something happen?”

Bam there it was. The prying of a concerned father.

“The kids found out…I can no longer hide.” Ears dropping you stared down at the yovo fruit in your hands. No word were exchanged as your father sat next to you and trailed his large hands along your back. You did not need to say anymore, your father always understood. He was the greatest comfort you had in your life, no matter what happened he would always be there.

“I love you dad.”

“You are my world ‘evi, I will be here when you want to share the full story.”

A hum left your throat as you rested your body against his side. An old Metkayina tune met your ears as you felt yourself drift from consciousness. Your father gently ran his hands through your curls as you drifted off to a peaceful sleep. You did not know how precious these memories would be to you.

————————

Ever since you turned Neteyam down things have not been the same. If he got injured he would request treatment from anyone but you, the boy did not ignore you but he did not pursue you like he use it. It was understandable as you did reject him but you still missed the connection you use to have.

Almost as if sensing the change Lo’ak had become a regular part of your day. The free time you would have spent with Neteyam was now spent with his mischievous baby brother, 90% of the time going places your father would not approve of. He took you deep into the forest on some of the most beautiful and thrilling adventures you had been one since you had come to clan.

The boy seems more drawn to you ever since your tail had been exposed. You understood the connection knowing he had always felt like the odd one out in his family. Of course your differences were more extreme. Surprisingly the reveal of your tail did not bring teasing but instead it seemed to make you more popular than before. You had even gained some friends, they took great interest in your differences. Kyna was not pleased with this and you could tell her resentment for you only grew as more and more female na’vi close to her began to have a distaste for you.

Your relationship with the Sullys did not waver as your family’s kept a strong bond. Every time you were at their pod things seems as normal as they always been. Occasionally you would catch yourself looking at Neteyam, he had become colder with his family and stricter on his siblings. He spent most of his time with his father preparing for his future role as clan leader. You wishes to be there to help him calm down but your realtionship was no more. You had simply turned into acquaintances as the months flew by.

Time also did not stop as your life went on you were soon approaching the age of 16. You and your fiancé had become strangers over the years. Your healing has only improved as your knowledge rivaled Mo’ats. You had slowly drifted away from the sully family, of course you were still bestfriends with Kiri and Lo’ak but as they dived into their warrior training you had been left behind. Even the human boy, spider, had been torn in a separate path!

The Sully brothers often went on hunting trips with the other warriors including your father. Kiri was no hunter, she was a gather and a healer but her father still pushed her to complete her warrior training, so you had less time with your beloved friend. You would often hang around the gathers of the clan venturing out to get herbs along side them, and that’s how you met two other na’vi who genuinely wanted to be your friends. You lacked no attention the past three years since the exposure of your body but the people who claimed to be your ‘friends’ seems to always have an alternative motive, but not Tseo and Zey.

Tseo was a male Na’vi, he was fit to be a warrior but he did not find joy in that lifestyle so he would gather unless the clan needed him. Zey was a female with the most beautiful markings you had ever seen on a na’vi. Although the two were obviously head over heals for each other they never made you feel left out when you guys would spend time together. You had grown close with the two gatherers. They often gossiped about the clans latest drama and you would be right there with them most communal dinners.

Your life seems to be going great you no longer dealt with the pettiness of Kyna as you surrounded yourself with positive people. Your confidence grew and you were turning into a fine woman. Any member of the clan would agree there was no one better to be their future Tsahík. The only downside was you no longer knew the na’vi you were promised to. The only interactions you got with Neteyam was when it was forced or there was simply no one else around. The boy has also grown into a fine warrior and you could not ignore it but you no longer had a relationship.

Tonight would be one of those moments as the warriors left on a hunting trip Neteyam was tasked with staying home. The boy had fallen because of a warriors reckless, shooting and had hurt his arm. That day kiri complained endlessly to you as you helped her gather her stuff for the hunting trip, her father made her come in Neteyam place.

“Can you believe i’m getting dragged on this stupid trip! I hate this stupid Iknimaya, I literally have an Ikran why do I have to hunt?!”

Throwing herself in her hammock kiri groaned into its fabric. A giggle breached your throat as you watched the girls dramatic display.

“After this your suffering will be over. I will dance the most beautiful routine for your celebration!” Mimicking the moves you were learning for her celebration in a week you gave the girl a sneak peak of your surprise. Her eyes lightened up as she watched you twirl and a new excitement filled her.

“Oh yeah! cant wait to see you kill it!”

“If i don’t die from tension while i stay here with your dearest brother.” Now it was your turn to complain as you let out a long sigh.

“You will be fine! You guys have to break the ice again eventually, you’re literally gonna be mates.”

“Ugh if my father ever lets me began training for my own Iknimaya.” Kiri laughed at your statement knowing how overprotective your father was. He did not even want you to pick up a bow!

“Well I have to bounce! Don’t be a creep and drool over Neteyam from a distance!”

“I do not drool!” Defensive you sat up ready to run after the girl but she was already long gone.

god these next few days were gonna be stressful. Especially with Tuk staying with her friends! Ears sinking at the thought you began to organize your supplies in the sullys tent. ‘Might as well get comfy If im staying awhile.’

~~~~~~

That night it seemed to be even harder to tear your eyes away from the warrior. You would always sneak peaks or admire your future mate but he seemed extra alluring today. You did not know if it was the fact you would be alone for the next few days or the new necklace that fit him so perfectly. All you knew was he was as stunning as ever. Although you rarely talked these last few years the attraction had not faded, he was a hot ass na’vi.

“Y/n you’re staring” Tseos deep voice knocked you out of your trance as you the two Na’vi. Zey had an amused look on her face as she looked at you.

“What?! You can not shame me.” The pair only snickered at your defensiveness as you crossed your arms.

“Don’t worry babe I catch him looking too, guess the realtionship faded but the attraction didn’t.” Zey commented as she shrugged her shoulders casually putting a chunk of meat in her mouth.

“It’s cause I got the hips of a goddess.” Winking at the pair you motioned to your body as Tseo snorted.

“You’re too much y/n, eat your food.” Shoving meat into your mouth Tseo shut you up as Zey laughed at the exchange. The dinner was filled with petty teasing as the three of you took turns laughing at the others comments.

All too soon it was time to leave as the Na’vi on clean up duty began to work. Zey was the unlucky one this week as you and Tseo walked away you stuck your toungue out childishly at the girl. She only threw a bowl at you and you quickly shuffled away from the girl with Tseo not far behind you.

“Tomorrow can we have lunch together?” Tseo asked as a nervousness consumed his tone.

“Sure, why you so nervous?” Cocking your head to the side you slightly look up at the Na’vi. A purple hue covers his cheeks as his eyes are casted downwards.

“I want to start making a courting gift, for Zey.”

Your squeal could be heard from a mile away as you grab Tseo shoulders and jump around in excitement. you chant “yes yes yes” as you excitedly shake the boy. He seemed fluster by your loudness as he repeatedly shushes you. Collecting yourself you bid goodbye to the boy as you passed the Sullys pod. Entering you felt the joy rush through your body, about time the boy made a move.

Riding yourself of your dirty clothes you toss them to a corner as you place more comfortable cloths on to sleep. It was a feathered top that seemed to barley cover your breast and a bottom that you so happily called your ‘bikini bottom’. As you finished tying your top you heard the cloth entrance shuffle as a new presence entered the pod.

You did not need to turn around to know it was neteyam as his earthy sent filled your nose.

“Have your bandages been changed?” Questioning the man was the first thing you did as he walked in the tent. He only hummed a no in response. Sighing you looked over at the boy with a ‘really’ look.

He only looked at you with his cold yellow eyes that sent chills down your spine. You hated how nonchalant he had become with you.

“I will grab some” sighing you made your way toward the exit but stopped as a hand was placed on your stomach.

“Do not go out like that.” His tone was bothered as he looked you up and down and you couldn’t help but smirk at the reaction. Neteyam quickly covered his care as he quickly followed with another sentence. “I have fresh ones with me.”

Walking away the boy went to rummage through his things as he pulled out the the fresh bandages. You watched as he sat down and began to unwrap the cloth that covered his shoulder and chest. Beginning to do your own thing, you began grinding herbs together to make a paste. The wound was mostly healed you were simply applying the paste for pain relief. The man eyed you suspiciously as you lowered yourself onto your knees with your healing bowl.

“Don’t look at me as if I would poison you.” Half scoffing you rolled your eyes as you saw his concerned expression. The warrior did not respond as he left the pod filled with deafening silence. You payed no mind as you got to work wiping any leftovers from the bandages away with your hands. He has light scar from his shoulder to his pecks that would fade in the days to come. You saw no need to mess with the already healed wound your hands traveled to his shoulder. Annoyed at his poor cooperation with his criss cross legs you grabbed him by his ankle and placed them at the side of your hips.

“Y/n!” Your name left his lips in a surprise tone as he looked at you with wide eyes. You swallowed a laugh as you looked at the boys oddly cute expression with his mouth slight open and ears on full alert. It was your turn to leave him in silence as you shimmied closer to him and sat on your knees between his legs.

“Tell me when it hurts” Batting your eye lashes at the boy pride swelled in your stomach as his ears turned a hue of purple. Your fingers explored every muscle in his shoulder as you searched for a weak point. In response the boy suppressed his groans when you hit a sore area. Intrusive thoughts one as you gripped a sore spot roughly digging your fingers into his flesh.

“Sk’awng!” Hissing the boy gripped your waist pulling you away from his shoulder. Sea green eyes wide you eyed him slightly wincing at his grin on you.

“What?” cocking your head to the side you continued your little game. “You didn’t tell me it hurt.”

Seeing right through you the boy only glared as he motioned for you to continue. With a playful glint in your sea green eyes you slapped paste on his sore shoulder smearing it around his shoulder. You felt his eyes burn into you as you wrapped his shoulder, you wouldn’t lie that you did enjoy this proximity. You rarely got this as you were never the one to heal him.

“Your healing has improved these past few years.”

“yeah you would know if you hadn’t request to not be treated by me.” The words dripped off your tongue in a sour tone. The boys face twisted into an almost guilty expression as he gazed at you.

“Yeah weren’t expecting me to know that were you.” Shooting him a sour smile you gathered your supplies to clean up.

“Y/n-“The nose of foot steps behind you was heard, “I meant no harm when I made that request….your rejection was fresh.”

You felt your heart pick up it’s pace as the memory from that day swarmed your mind. The way his body was so close to yours as he signed those three words. You were stupid and young, still were, but you stood by your decisions.

“We are not close Neteyam I need no explanation. Things are not as they were”

You turned facing soft yellow eyes as you looked up to the boy. One thing over the years did not change as Neteyam was still almost a whole head higher than you.

“But what if I want them to be as they were.” His hand engulfed your wrist as he looked at you but not with stone cold eyes. He looked at you with the eyes you knew as a kid. Soft Neteyam, Kind Neteyam, the one you fell for.

“Neteyam I-“ Cut off by the sound of the war horn your sentence was not finished. Instead it was filled with a sense of panic that the warrior seemed to catch onto as he took your hand quickly headed out of the Mauri.

When you go the center Neteyam was quick to pull you both to the font as he was met with the site of his mother, tear staines across her face and his father with a stern sorrowful look. Worry consumed the warrior but he waited for the clan to gather.

Neteyam pulled you in front of him as more navi gathered. A tiny yelp fell from your lips when you felt his arm press against the bottom of your breast. Angry you looked up to hiss at the na’vi but he was not looking at you, following his stern gaze you felt embarrassed as you realized the reason for his sudden proximity. A group of male na’vi turned their heads away at his stern gaze as you realized that you were in an outfit you never entended to wear outside the pod. You did not have much time to sulk as Toruk Makto began to speak.

“The sky people have returned!” Gasp ran throughout the clan as he announced this. Soon questions started flowing out of people’s mouth as panic set in. The older generation were filled with a sense of urgency and dread while the younger na’vi felt fear rise throughout their body, or at least a you felt terrified. You had heard stories of what bad sky people can do.

“We will need patrol 24/7, hunting trips will be shorter, and I need to talk with all our craftsmen. Things will change my people, we will not prepare for war, we will prepare to defend ourself!” With that jake dismissed the clan as he called the people he needed.

You felt fear evolve you as you thought about the hunting party that could run in to these demons. Will kiri be ok? Will my father be ok? You were so sucked into your own world that you did not noice Neteyam dragging you back to his family’s pod. He was nervous, and angry that these people had returned. Why could they not just leave pandora in peace?!

Neteyam knew you were scared as he seems to be dragging an empty body back to the pod. He was worried and angry, but he knew you should be his first priority as his father would fill him in tomorrow. He wanted to mend his relationship with you anyway and he could use this as a chance.

“Are you ok Y/n?” Knocking you out of your trance Neteyam cupped your cheek with one hand. His voice brung you out of your trance as you looked at him.

“I am afraid.” Dejavú hit the boy as he looked into your fear ridden green eyes. He felt as if suddenly you were kids again as he looked at the little girl afraid to cross on the vine. It filled his heart with warmth as he repeated what he had said before.

“As long as you’re with me you will be safe.”

That night you slept in Neteyams arms for the first time in three years. It did not matter that you no longer knew him like you use too. The only thing that mattered was the tempo of his heart beat against your back and his hand that traced comforting circles on your stomach while you played with his other hand that came from under your torso. You needed comfort, safety as worry consumed your mind. The fear that tonight would be the last night you slept in peace.

—————————

a/n: I totally didn’t proof read this sorry for any spelling mistakes or repeating words 😭🙏🏽

@ultimatebluff

#avatar #avatar the way of water #neteyam fanfiction #hybrid #neteyam #neteyam x reader #sky people #loak sully #kiri sully #kiri x y/n #tukitrey #jake sully #neteyam fluff #neteyam sully #neteyam series

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graciegrumps · 3 months ago

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Hello

I speak to you on behalf of humanity,🙏

My name is Tahrir from Gaza🍉, a mother of four children, we have been suffering from war for more than 300 days. We have been displaced more than ten times and every time we leave everything behind

Every day is hell for me and my family.

Winter is coming⛈️ and we are living in a tent⛺, it rained and our tents were flooded and we want to build new tents but they are expensive.

My little boy Khamis underwent surgery and needs health care

And my child Amir, during our displacement, fell and suffered a broken pelvis

All this while we live in cloth tents that do not protect us from anything

I hope you look at us with mercy and compassion.

Can you help me and donate to me via the gofundme link?

These families are currently suffering through constant bombing, lack of food, water, medicine, and illness and injury without any access to proper medical care and you can help them.

Doaa has three sisters. Each of them are currently stuck in Gaza with their small children under constant threat of bombing.

Doaa's sister Tahreer Jad Al-Haq has a beautiful family which consists of her husband Ahmed and their four beautiful children; their beautiful daughter Fatima, Khamees, who has recently underwent a tonsillectomy without proper conditions/medications due to a severe infection. This sweet child needs help as soon as possible. His family has been ordered to evacuate yet again, but there is nowhere to go.

Their adorable daughter Sarah and sweet baby Ameer who is a toddler with a broken pelvis and in desperate need of medical care.

Doaa's sister Fidaa, who is so beautifully spoken and so loving, also has four children. Her beautiful family consists of her husband Hashem, who's only dream in life was to teach and raise their beautiful children. To share the love in his heart and their children, Dima, Abdullah, Islam, and Duaa. Unfortunately her husband has an arm injury and needs medical attention that he can only receive through donations.

Doaa's third sister is Aseel, she is a 29 year old student of English. This young woman is taking care of her elderly parents however they need medical attention and due to the atrocities committed by Israel they cannot afford the treatment they need. Her father has suffered from a stroke after the trauma of losing his relatives, home and job.

Her wonderful family has lost absolutely everything. Their homes, their businesses, there is nothing left. They live in tents close to raw sewage with extreme heat, insects/scorpions, infectious diseases, and the imminent threat of extreme violence at the hands of Israel. The primary concern is immediate safety.

These sweet children don't deserve to grow up during war. They don't deserve to lose their innocence to these atrocities. I beg of you to donate just £5! If you don't have a credit card you can ask a family member or friend if you can use theirs and pay them back. If you can't donate, please share their story. They deserve to get back to their lives.

Inflation in Palestine is insane due to the lack of humanitarian aid and they deserve to be able to eat and get medicine. Winter will arrive soon and their tent won't hold up during the colder months.

By sacrificing just a coffee, a cake, a drink. Anything. Something that you will forget about In a few hours, you can save this family. What might seem insignificant means so much to them.

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oneshotnewbie · 2 years ago

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Can you do something Where reader hasn't been to the doctor in years and Marina doesn't know until she develops a fever and they insist they go with her and help he through the exam?

Authors note: I know that it was all about the fact that Reader have not seen the doctor for a long time, but I immediately associated that with fear. It doesn't make any sense and deviates a bit from the correct storyline of Station 19 because Reader takes the hormone shots for a desired pregnancy instead of Carina, but nothing else came to mind at the moment. Sorry!

...

"How do you always manage to magically attract every disease when you go out that door?" Maya looked at you reproachfully while pulling a clinical thermometer out of your ear. A look at it showed her no improvement; you have been stuck in bed with a fever for two days and you still did not want to admit it.

"For the 100th time, I am not sick," you hissed, getting a violent fit of coughing that made you bend over forwards. You actually choked on your own spit from all the fuss. The blonde quickly poured water into a glass and held it in front of you. At the risk of choking, you accepted it gratefully and took a long gulp of the room-warm water to soothe your throat. "Of course not. You are perfectly healthy!" she exclaimed ironically and prepared a spoonful of medicine for you.

Strongly, you frowned at the foul-smelling liquid and the bitter after taste of the antipyretic syrup. You were not a fan of any type of medicine designed to nurture your healthy. Instead, you preferred to let your body decide for itself how long it took to get rid of each symptom and flu.

"Bellezza, I will make you an appointment with the doctor today-" Carina´s female voice replied, whose Italian accent dominated whenever she was concerned. You looked demonstratively to the side where the brunette was standing in the doorway, tugging at the button of her sleeve and skeptically raised an eyebrow at you.

"I do not need to see a stupid doctor!" you replied grimly, crossing your arms across your chest like a small child in protest.

Both, Carina and Maya, did not understand why you were so reluctant to visit the family doctor. All he would do was run a few tests on you to see what you did caught. Both knew that you were terrified of needles, they realized that as soon as you had to start take your hormone shots.

But there was more to it, they just had to find out why.

Maya bit frustrated the inside of her cheek. Her head was bowed down, her hand placed on your covered thigh and gently stroking it while her gaze shifted sideways to the brunette. She hoped that the Italian would approach you with her gentle manner and find out the reason for your negative attitude towards a visit.

"When was the last time you saw a doctor who gave you a thorough check-up?" slightly interested, the blonde lifted her head and waited for your answer. As if reading your mind, the corners of her mouth turned down and her bright blue eyes stared at you in disbelief. "And I do not mean our gynecologist, but a real one"

"Maybe a few years ago.." you paused, paying attention to the curious looks. Horrified, the brunette walked over to the bed and sat down. It gave out under her weight as she leaned towards you. You looked at her with a glance normally reserved for children, who had made a mistake and were afraid of trouble. "My family doctor at the time made a mistake during the postoperative examination and was rather harsh. Almost costed me my life. I have not trusted any family doctor since. This has increased rapidly over the years"

She nodded in understanding before taking your face in both hands and looking deep into your eyes. It was strange, even though you were covered in a feverish veil, there was something forbidden beautiful in her eyes. The brown sparkled expectantly and with a gentle touch, she traced the contours of your face.

"But this is important," Maya stated, her facial expression abruptly becoming serious once again. You knew it was important to have a check-up at least once a year to prevent illnesses or even detect life-threatening diseases early, but blood draws were not your thing at all. And as you knew, these values also had to be checked from time to time. "We will come with you. But you have to go, we need to know what is wrong with you"

You rolled your eyes, cursing under your breath before nodding and flopping back into the bed. You felt defeated. You had no chance to defend yourself against your two wives. What they said, had to be done.

...

It was not a day later that your doctor´s appointment took place. Tense and restless, you sat on the uncomfortable plastic chair in the middle between your two wives and nervously played with your wedding ring, which was stuck on your sweaty finger. Your leg bounced dangerously fast as your heart raced.

Your body tried to protect you from a real threat with uncontrolled bouts of fear, even though it seemed exaggerated, unrealistic and groundless. A gentle hand wrapped around your thigh, trying to calm you down which let you lift your head up.

Carina leafed very calmly through a magazine, a gentle smile graced her lips before another arm timidly laid on your shoulders from the other side. Touched by the individual gestures, you pressed yourself against the blonde and closed your eyes.

You felt sick thinking about what was being done to you in the small, sparsely furnished room. "It is going to be fine, sweetheart. It is just a small, harmless examination," Maya tried to calm you down, but it did not quite work. You looked at her in disbelief while your shrill voice swept through the room. "If he wants to draw blood, I will be gone faster than you can turn on your fire truck´s siren"

Slightly insulted, you turned away from her. But her hands gently grabbed your waist and pulled you closer to her again, your body engulfed in her arms. "Nothing will happen to you, we are here"

"Ms. Y/l/n, please!" suddenly, the lady from the registration calls out and you look in panic between Maya and Carina. They just nod and smile at you encouraging before pulling you up from your seat.

Together, you walked into one of the treatment rooms, where you sat down onto the leather armchairs in front of the desk. While waiting, an awkward silence spread and you looked around anxiously.

It was a small room furnished with a large dark brown desk and a lounger. Soft shades of yellow blended with the brown of the bookshelf lined with anatomical books, which were rounded off with bluish paintings of various dandelions.

You seemed to be able to argue about the taste, but when the door suddenly flew open and a strong breeze blew in your direction, you jerked out of your thoughts and turned in your seat. While the two ladies next to you greeted the man in a white coat with a handshake, you remained frozen.

"So, Mrs. Y/l/n. You are here because of a constant fever for three days that does not seem to be breaking?" the older man asked as he pulled himself closer to the table.

He was in his fifties, slightly plump and a well-known doctor in Seattle, who had his own medical practice for more than 20 years. Dr. Brown, at least according to his little name tag, seemed nice. However, that did not take away an ounce of panic out of you.

You nodded your head in response, wanting to add that aside from being here in hell, you are actually fine. But you refrained from doing so and instead bit your lip with nervousness. "Good, then free your chest and sit down on the lounger," he said calmly and composedly, possibly sensing your fear.

Your gaze turned between Maya and Carina, who smiled at you cautiously and gave you an encouraging nod. They noticed how visibly pale you got as you stood up on shaky legs and walked to the back corner of the room.

You did what you were told and slowly but involuntary undid the buttons on your blouse. You felt embarrassed walking around half-naked in front of a man, adding even more color to your already ruddy cheeks. Sitting down on the stretcher at the very front and waiting for the elderly gentleman to come up to you with his equipment, you saw the blood pressure monitor in his hand and another rush of fear came over you.

But you had to be brave, otherwise you would never get out of here.

Roughly, he put the cuff on your left upper arm and you did not like it at all; the noise and the pressure that formed hurt incredibly, bringing back memories from the past. Scrutinizing, the blonde glared into your eyes that showed nothing more than helplessness before deciding to keep you company.

Maya stood diagonally behind you and put her hand on your shoulder. Again, she had put on that lovely smile and the empathetic look with her steel blue eyes. This calmed you down a bit.

"Blood pressure is a little high, but I think it is from the stress your body is going through," the doctor said sternly, looking up at you. "I will now listen to the heart and lung"

With a sigh, you let yourself fall forward slightly and grabbed your shoulder to reach for your wife´s hand. Immediately, she intertwined her fingers with yours and squeezed them tightly. This gave you some support and you closed your eyes as the cool feel of the iron stethoscope pressed against your back.

As expected, a bolt of lightning shot down your spine and you winced softly to yourself. A shadow in front of you and the smell of lovely, sweet perfume penetrated your nose, letting you guess that Carina had also come to your side. Her fingers danced softly on your forearms, stroking them soothingly as you took deep breaths and tried to calm yourself down.

You fought back your tears and buried your head in the firefighter´s shoulder as best as you could. You were tired, exhausted and totally drained. Your body was already struggling with the fever and there was not enough room to fight your fear with every single exam that had to be taken.

"So far, you are physically healthy. I can not find anything unusual," he began to speak as he let go of you and gave you permission to get dressed again. Hesitating and considering, he stroked his lip with his index finger and disappeared back behind his desk. Flat, he placed his hands over the brown wood and began writing down his findings into a file. "So you think it is just some kind of cold?"

"No. Colds do not come without symptoms," he answered quickly, gently shaking his almost bald head. "But I did notice some small puncture wounds on the lower abdomen. Diabetes?" You all shock your head simultaneously as you all began to grin. They were by no means insulin corrections but one of the most important steps for your future. "Hormone shots. We are trying to get pregnant"

It was not until you said that sentence that it clicked in Carina´s head. Elevated temperature for longer days can be caused by hormonal changes that occur in the female body and can be an early indication of a likely pregnancy.

The first early signs of pregnancy can appear before your missed period and were not uncommon. There are also uncertain, probable and very rare signs of premature pregnancy, such as in your case- fever.

She started grinning at you and you didn't understand why. You might have been healthy, but the fever lowered your ability to work or do everyday things. Irritated, Maya and you took turns looking at the two doctors who were trying to make sense of your visit until Maya's eyes opened wide, her jaw dropped and she was the first of you two to understand.

"There is a possibility that the fever indicates an early pregnancy. To be on the safe side, I would advise you to take a pregnancy test and see your gynecologist. Even if the result of the test is negative"

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