#my bad i went kinda crazyyy

[bau-drabbles]

maam pls drink some tea and give us a fluffy ending (only if you can!! sending you love ❤) 😭 also side note aaron is a pretty crier lowkss 👀

thank u sm baby <3 and you're kinda right tho 👀👀 his sadness and grief is so beautifully upsetting i wanna cry with him

i know he's not technically crying but he's so sad :( like how he's trying to put up a strong front but knowing that his whole life and his sons would be changed forever. and not knowing if he would be able to handle the change with his wife. and the way his eyes teared up, trying to be calm and collected for his family. he always blamed himself for her death. it was preventable had he not joined the fbi, he would've never known foyet. and haley would have never had to go through the gunshot. no matter what anyone says, he will always carry that guilt around with him.

they always made his pain so sad </3

[just-some-random-blogger]

HII gorgeous 👋👋 I wanted to say I love your writing and honestly your brilliant mind gracing us with all of your stories 🤩 with that being said my birthday is in a week— eeekk 21 BITCHHH 😛😛😈 and I wanted to request a HOTD cast imagine since I’m pretty sure they’ll start filming soon, so imagine maybe a raging birthday party just before filming or something and it gets crazyyy and wild and wouldn’t it be great to get sloshed with Emma D’Arcy 😃 doing this would be a pretty rocking birthday present soo… not to put pressure… 👀👀🤭

(Also I’m the star points bitch. So keep that in mind hon 🔍🔍 this is your redemption arc)

Sloshed 🥴

HoTD Cast & Reader (there's a paring here somewhere if you quint hard enough)

Summary: To celebrate your birthday, your castmates in HotD throw you a makeshift party with a karaoke machine, a poorly homemade cake, and lots and lots of alcohol.

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: gender neutral!reader, drinking/drunkenness/everyone gets cronked, super chaotic everything, grade school bullying (affectionate), crack fic, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY START POINTS NONNIE! (im not going to call you bitch because i dont like that word) im sure at this point youre prolly 22 T_T but better late than never. also Omg my child 😭 you think i give a shit about redemption??? HAHAHAAH IT MAKES ME WANT TO FUCK THIS UP SO BAD but the request is so compelling that i'll silence the part of my brain that is screaming for murder HAHAHA idk it all kinda went all over the place but lol enjoy star points nonnie! or dont i dont care Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony

You had your phone on, eye level, recording, flashlight and all, so did Milly. You were both snorting to yourselves as you made your way through the streets-

"WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME!" you sing, flailing your arms around as you spun on the pavement.

No, no, you weren't drunk yet. But boy were you were excited to be.

Milly had picked you up and, like an idiot, spoiled the surprise party altogether by being too giddy and blabbermouthed. It was obvious she was leading you to a 'secret birthday party' and though Milly adamantly denied to her final breath, when you got to the venue, still somehow startled by the loud scream of 'SURPRISE HAPPY BIRTHDAY!', Emma gave her a piece of their mind for being so obvious.

You immediately hugged the gals, namely Olivia, Emily, and Phia, then after gave a kiss to person who remembered your birthday at all, Emma.

"I love you so much," you muttered as you pulled them into a hug, nearly choking them in the process. Emma chuckles, sealing their arms around you with a lot less enthusiasm, only cause in you were a python comparison.

They turn to Milly, who was already heading for the food, "did you two drink already?"

"No, babe, we're drunk on life!" Milly responds, pouring herself a drink.

Emma and Olivia turn to each other, the latter rolls her eyes exaggeratedly, "dear god, to be twen'y somthin'."

Emma snorts as you finally pull away from them.

You spin your arm overhead, stupidly forgetting you had your phone in hand. This allows it to get darted across the room, nearly hitting Phia on the way.

You scramble for the object, amazed that it was uncracked and still in one piece, camera still filming everything. You look up to everyone and call out, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"

Each person in the room cheers and claps for you, immediately getting ready for the festivities.

At one point, you managed to end and restart recording on your phone as you eat some chips and ready the second song on a karaoke machine, and by karaoke machine, I mean a big-ish laptop propped on an box on a table connected to a Bluetooth speaker that was honestly impressively loud for its size.

It was also at this time, the MIA boys finally arrived, as in Fabien, Tom, Ewan, & Matt, carrying fast food and drinks, cheering as they came for absolutely no other reason than to be loud.

Now. Now, the party was really getting started.

After eating and the singing got old, an idea was proposed. You don't know whose genius (stupid) idea it was to play fucking marco polo, but DAMN was it intense.

You down the last for your 3rd(?) beer before running off as the it of the game neared you. You find yourself in a corner where Matt now to your right. You do your darndness to evade the blind folded Tom, who by the ways was insanely horrible at the game.

He was so bad, Olivia, like the mom she was, had to keep reminding him he could call out Marco, so that you lot could call out Polo and give some semblance as to where you were in the Emma's largish flat.

"Babes," Olivia calls, beginning to remind the lost puppy, Tom.

Elbow pushing the massive block of doofus (Matt), who was CHEATING by using you as his shield from the nearing lost, blonde boy, you struggled against the man, both of you fairing horribly to hold in your giggles as you push deeper into the corner of the room, trapped behind the sofa.

Tom turns behind him, blindfold on and all, at the sound of Olivia's voice.

"You can call out Marco," Olivia reminds before going back to a conversation with Phia safely a distance away in the kitchen.

"Oh-right- MARCO!"

"POLO!" everyone screams except you and Matt.

"THEY'RE CHEATING!" Fabien calls loudly in protests from behind the dining table, "TOM, TURN AROUND! TOM, TURN AROUND!"

Fabien's plan backfires as Tom instead heads for him. The former runs over to where Ewan was, who then runs over to where Emily was, by the front door.

"POLO YOU CUNTS!" Fabien shouts with a chuckle, extending his arm out to your direction, accusingly.

You stick out your tongue to Fabien as Matt begins to shove you the opposite direction.

Ewan to Fabien's side drops his jaw over the brunutte's backfired attempt in both a 'STFU' manner and 'this is kind of funny but STFU' manner, then slaps his hand on Fabian's blabbermouth.

Tom was nearing them. Emily begins to push back against Ewan, covering her mouth as not to make a sound. This allowed you to climb from the back of the sofa, onto the cushions, escaping the entrapment in the corner with Matt.

Emily topples onto Ewan and holds her breath as she barely dodges Tom's reaching hands.

And then-

"POLO! POLO! POLOLOLOL!" Matt screams, grabbing you by the shoulders, alerting everyone in the room.

Tom takes the bait, turning about as you squeal and wrangle out of Matt's cheating grip.

Emily, Ewan, and Fabien sneakily evade him whilst Tom is distracted.

"MATT YOU FUCKER!" you whine, finally escaping him. You swiftly run past Tom, who almost managed to grab you and make it towards Emma, who was had been sitting in an isolated corner of their flat, drinking a can of pop.

They give you a nod and you look over finding Tom was approaching the corner where you and Matt had been, yet the man was nowhere in sight. Rats, he was good.

Fabien, running towards you out of nowhere, grabs you by your arms and offers you as a sacrifice, "POLO! POLO!"

Tom turns your direction as you shriek.

"YOU CHEATING RAT!" you protest mid arm imprisonment.

Tom, now at his limit, stops then pulls down his blindfold, making everyone groan. The man, who had been it the WHOLE time you have been playing, sighs and places his hands on his hips, "guys, ain't no way I'm this bad at Marco Polo. You lot are double crossing me!"

Everyone gathers over towards Tom in a chorus of laughs and disagreements.

Olivia speaks, "I'm sorry, love, but honestly, this flat isn't that large."

"You just suck," Phia deadpans, making Tom give him a sour look.

Milly crawls from underneath the table she had been hiding from the entire time, "who's it now?

Milly jolts when Matt sneaks up from behind her and screams, "YOU!" The moron evades Milly's incoming punches.

Meanwhile, you have been chasing Fabien across the room, pulling on his hair when you catch him.

Between that point and when you all (mostly you and Milly) began to cry while singing Hello by Adele, another 3(?) bottles of beer was consumed by your person.

This was why when you reached for another bottle, Ewan (who had been watching you the entire time) took the thing from you, "that's mine."

You blink slowly, turning to him as he takes the bottle from you, handing it to Matt, who was cheering Emma and Olivia on as they sung from the top of their lungs. Matt turns to Ewan, taking the bottle from him, "thanks, babe."

You move to take another bottle, and Ewan grabs it again, "that's also mine." This time, he takes a swig of the alcohol when you turn to him.

You grunt, taking another shot at grabbing one of the last two bottles on the table. Before you could even reach out for it though, Tom grabs the two bottles and you watch as he hands the other to Fabien. They clank it together, then sit next to you, unwittingly triggering your tear ducts.

They were so mean. You flat out begin to sob. Each man on the sofa turns to you.

"It's my birthday!" you whine under your breath, tears streaming your face, "I'm being oppressed."

Tom beside you hears your mewls then panics, "hey, hey, what's wrong?"

Ewan ,on you other side, stiffens turning to you, face falling at the sight of your tears.

You choke on your tears as you whine.

"MATT YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT NOW MATE!" Fabien screams after seeing you.

Matt turns to you, as does the singing Emma and Olivia, as well as Phia who was doing background vocals and Emily and Milly who was recording the whole thing.

"Me?!" Matt calls out with a chuckle, "what did I do," he leans towards you, "what's happened, love?"

You ignore them as Emma makes a beeline for you and grabs your hand, "come on babe, boys suck."

Ewan begins to explain the situation to everyone and Fabien calls out, "you want my beer, baby?"

"FUCK YOU FABIEN!"

"What about my beer?" Tom asks.

"S'fine," you mumble as you get in front of the make shift karaoke machine where Olivia then wraps her arms over your shoulders.

"Hey! Why the hostility!" Fabien calls out.

"Because you're ugly mate," Tom sneers, chuckling before he drinks his beer.

Matt says, giggling, "I mean you did make the birthday baby cry."

Fabien's jaw drops, "yeah, yeah, yeah, says the man with no eyebrows."

Tom hollers, throwing his head back in laughter. Ewan snorts under his breath, holding in his laughter.

"Woah, woah, woah," Milly walks over with a camera, "is there a row goin' on 'ere," she points her phone camera to them, "come on," she says in a thick Australian accent, "have at it!"

Fabien exaggeratedly bites his lower lip and flips Milly's cam off.

Meanwhile Phia and Emily are cheering you on as the next song begins to play. The intro has everyone in a frenzy.

You burp as you croak out the first lines of the song, "buHaybe can't you see-- I'm callin'. A guy like you should have a warning, it's dangerous-"

"IM FALLING!" you lot sing out in various keys.

Absolutely feeling yourself with the music, you begin to dance to Britney Spears, doing body rolls against Emma and Olivia.

By the time the chorus hits, you and the girls are dancing and singing to Toxic. You twirl all the way over to the sofa, nearly falling on your way as you tell the yucky boys to join in the festivities.

Yet all it takes is one loud bang on the door to burst everyone's bubble.

"Oh fuck," Emma calls, turning frantically around everyone, shushing them as Emily scrambles to cut the music.

Blissfully unaware of everything, you clumsily continue to dance and hit not one, but two faces (Ewan and Matt's) with your hands.

"Alright, Britney, that's enough of you," Fabien calls, pulling you away from your accidental victims of violence.

"There's something to be said about the fact both of your chins were hit," Milly says under her breath, but both men she was teasing hear her loud and clear, in fact, everyone hears her, which is why Tom wheeze with Phia as Olivia holds back her laughter.

"Oh fuck off," Matt says as Ewan purses his lips and shakes his head.

"At least I can reach the bars in the tube," Ewan rebuts.

"OH! For the jugular!" Emily calls just as Olivia hushes everyone.

Emma comes back with clenched teeth, turning to you, "right, uh... my neighbors say happy birthday, also, shut the fuck up."

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

do you have any headcanons about daeron ii's and myriah's daughter-in-laws?

Oh boy DO I!!!!! I’m gonna organize them in lil bullet point forms cause I have so many thoughts abt them!

Jena:

- Honestly I think it might be a bit weird to say but I think she was the westerosi equivalent of a goth skater girl. Like, there’s probably some old painting of her in Blackhaven as a teenager where she has dyed black streaks in her hair and way too much eyeshadow with a medieval skateboard (horse). I need this to be true in my life

- Her betrothal to Baelor I imagine was to ease up relations with the marcher lords since they probably weren’t too happy about the Dornish having a strong influence on the throne. I wouldn’t be surprised if Myriah suggested the match, and they happened to pick Jena because she was the closest to Baelor’s age

- That being said though, their match went pretty well! I mean for a while it was pretty obvious that Jena and Baelor were basically a pr relationship but over time they did come to care for each other! They didn’t really have the slow burn romance that Daeron and Myriah had but they still had some kind of affection

- She did have her kids pretty young, but not really early in the marriage because I have to believe her weird late teens goth angst was why she named her kids Valarr and Matarys of all things or it might kill me

- If I could give her a friendship with any of her sisters in laws it would probably be Aelinor? But they weren’t like friends friends, they were just able to get along pretty well because they grew up in the same region even though their interests are wayyyy different from one another

- Ngl she probably had some crazyyy beef with Dyanna. Like, those ladies could not sit next to each other at the family function cause it either ended with them fighting (mostly about who’s kids are the worst),or them ganging up to bully another noble while absolutely hammered on some of that dornish red

- Also it needs to be said, Jena was probably absolutely a stunt queen when she had to grow out of her goth phase. Like, she went to the Alyssa T school of Being a Bad Bitch because she probably went riding and sailing with her kids all the time while they were still babies. If Baelor had a dragon she’d be bullying him to take her flying literally every day and get it to shit on the roofs of people she doesn’t like. Myriah’s mentality was “Oh I’m gonna be queen so I have to be careful about what I do” while hers was “Whoah I’m gonna be queen I can do (almost) whatever the hell I want!!”

- Unfortunately tho, it’s highly likely she died with her kids during the great Spring Sickness, but to add tragedy for flavour I think she died after both her sons. Rip queen :(

Aelinor:

- Okay so figuring out the whole timeline/relation with her kinda drove me insane, but my theory for the time being is that she’s Elaena’s stepdaughter through Ronnel, which does make her technically cousins with Aerys through marriage? I think she’s still probably a few years younger than him tho

- I also kinda think Elaena’s behind this betrothal a bit tbh- I think Aelinor really liked Elaena but saw her a lot more as a mentor she aspired to be like rather than any kind of surrogate mother figure

- Personality-wise girlie’s a completeee introvert. Like, I think she wants to be social and charming and all that, but she got that social anxiety that makes it so she’s scared to talk to people and spends most of her day inside reading

- For her hobbies….. I can see her being big into reading and research but idk I also really like the idea of her being big into poems, she likes really analyzing people from a distance and writing lil blurbs about them to spend the time. She’d literally rather die than share any of her works with anyone though, even if it’s really flattering to them lol

- So, I think her social circle’s kindaaa limited to the royal family, I think her best friends would be Aerys, Alys and Shiera cause I think that’d be kinda fun (and also I think she had a bit of a thing for Alys cause….. yuh) :)

- She and Aerys probably slept together like, once on their wedding cause they were completely convinced they would only have to do it one time…. They both regretted it

- And ngl despite the Horrors™️, and the whole of house Targaryen dropping like flies I think she was a lilll glad that Aelora was heir? Not because everyone else before her died, mostly due to the fact that she really liked Aelora specifically and maybe liked to pretend she was her daughter whoops

- Anyways my fun lil tragedy for her is that she outlives pretty much everyone she loves <3 she’d still be kicking during Maekar’s reign as a sorta dowager queen but she’s not doing much with that title, I diagnose her with…… death via heart attack while trying to write her will

Alys:

- Honestly this lady reads as a complete social butterfly to me lmao. Like, really bubbly, charismatic, and likeable as a person- I think she came in as a companion for Daenerys and both Daeron and Myriah decided to set her up with Rhaegel just cause she was really kind (and being from a major house definitely didn’t hurt either)

- For hobbies I can absolutely see her as a lady that was just crazy for birds lol- and that’s an interest I could see her bonding with Daeron over! She loves hawking and keeping some pet songbirds and feeding ravens, ngl I could see her and Aelinor working on a giant bird encyclopedia together lol

- When it comes to her and Rhaegel, I don’t think it was really love at first sight? Like, I think they got along and did eventually bond after the twins were born, but they only fell in love a few years into their marriage

- Speaking of the twins though! I really don’t think she was cool with the idea of them marrying, honestly it kinda horrified her but she saw how weirdly close they became and tried to cope by justifying that they’d be better together than apart with other people cause…. Tbh how the hell else can she get over the fact that her own children are marrying when that hasn’t really been the norm for a bit-

- Oh and she was especially nottt at all happy about Daenora marrying Aerion. Since by then I can imagine she’s lost both her husband and oldest children, she would be f u r i o u s that Maekar would even allow her last daughter to marry his craziest son, even if he wasn’t the one who suggested the match in the first place

- Girlie probably didn’t stay after Aerion died, like- she was quick to pack Daenora and Maegor and haul ass back to the Vale. No she didn’t give a flying fuck that they were considering her grandson as heir, they’re living in the Eeryie forever now!

- She did miss Aelinor after she left though (clueless about Aelinor’s kinda gay feelings rip) so the two probably shared a lot of letters, but I think Alys passed not too long after being back in the Vale from….. honestly imma say slipping on a toy and cracking her head open. At least one of these gals gotta have a sorta silly death

Dyanna:

- Ngl she’s probably second to Alys in being one of the sweetest in the group, but she takes NO bullshit from anyone. As stated before, she’s ready to throw down with Jena at the drop of a hat but tries not to start too many fights

- She and Maekar married out of love. To me!!! Like, idk they don’t seem like a politically advantageous match, so in my brain Dyanna was probably the daughter of one of Myriah’s ladies in waiting and the two ended up falling in love as teens cause idkkkkkk that’s kinda cute <3

- As for hobbies: absolutely cracked at weaving. 85% of the decorations at Summerhall are her tapestries and the other 15% are crafts by other artists that she really liked. She probably weaved most of her childrens’ baby clothes herself and regularly gifts handmade crafts to her family and friends

- Idk if she really had a favourite with any of her kids, but I can kinda say for certain that she definitely had a hard time with Aerion because she felt like she needed to be overly strict with him specifically which….. probably maybe perhaps gave Aerion some mommy issues idkkkkkkkk

- I like to think she had a cat at some point too, and when it had kittens she gifted them to each of her kids but they mostly became general household cats over time (except for Egg’s cat, that was his own and it…. Found itself at the bottom of the well whoops-)

- Canonically she died first out of the gang, and the narrative implies that she died giving birth to Rhae but I’m ignoring it because one fic I read a while ago had her die from breast cancer and honestly while it’s still tragic it also makes it so Dyanna’s not reduced to “woman who died in childbirth #67” which gets some originality points from me

Idk these are all my headcanons, I hope you like them! <3

[madphantom]

hiyaaa, hope you dont mind, but super randomly just popped into my mind, but how's your hair doing? i remember you bleaching it and how it turned blue or green or sth from it and i kinda had a crisis over it on your behalf, and then you had red like back in march, you still rocking that? also how much breakage are you fighting on a scale from one to ten?

not asking in a werid way, u just quit fashion colour due to employment™ and a lack if confidence against people judging®, so now I'm just invested in strangers' hair as a replacement

also please feel free to ignore me if you want !!

Aiiii I love asks remembering things about my personal posts!!

After the big bleach nightmare my hair was damaged as fuck, so I cut it shorter in the front, but then I kinda wasn't satisfied with how that looked so I just gave myself a bob. I immediately proceeded to regret this because cutting your own hair without a mirror during what could best be described as some sort of manic outburst never goes well and it looked bad, so I dyed it neon green.

The green was fucking gorgeous and long lasting so I ended up keeping it for a record time of three months while I was trying to grow back the unlucky bob, however I was in a movie in February and the director asked me to go blonde for it, so I went back to blonde.

Unfortunately my roots just looked incredibly yellow in contrast to the white hair I'd given myself previously ("like piss on fresh fallen snow" to quote my friend who soon after this quote became my boyfriend, do not make any judgement about my taste in men based on this fact), so immediately after the shoot I went to my trusty hair care store five minutes before closing time and grabbed some red dye.

The red was super cool? One of my top colours. It had this orange hue in the sun and gave off major Ziggy Stardust vibes. My hair had also grown out a bit again so I gave myself a rockstar shag and vampire bangs. However, it faded at crazyyy speeds and the faded colour was just this vague salmon and did not look good, so I switched to a more bluish red.

Well, at least according to the package. The shade was called poppy red. My bestie described it as venomous milipede pink. Cool colour, undoubtedly, but not quite my vibe. I did however briefly rock the faded pink with some bold red highlights. That looked cool.

Then I switched to turquoise! I had that colour last summer and got rid of it because I was photographed at a protest by a nazi with it and got scared to be easily recognizable. Back then I got this faded red hair because I wanted a colour that felt safe and the guy comforting me after the bad experience had faded red hair. My future boyfriend by the way, hi :) I currently have that turquoise hair and it's cool, but I'm heavily debating going lavender again. We'll see what my impulse control says:)

As for breakage: I religiously use conditioner at the moment, and as long as I stay in my hometown my hair is in perfect condition. I'm not sure what happens when I visit my boyfriend, the humidity is probably different in his hometown or something but it tangles like hell there. But all in all, 7/10, good hair:) thanks for your ask:)

[koqabear]

GAWWDDD LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER DESTROYED MEEEEE

i was rooting for soobin the whole time and his betrayal and giving into his primal urges just cuts me so deep like when she's getting fucked by gyu and she looks into soobin's eyes and it's the first time he's ever looked at her like prey.... mic drop hardest fuckin line to ever im a mess

i love love love darker fics from u sm like the smut always gotta be the hottest feral heat inducing stuff ever but is this okay?? like should i enjoy this?? 😭 still feel bad for mc when she woke up omg poor baby

OH absolutely adore how u write the freeze fear response in a prey hybrid mc god that was insane, like even before gyu got to her i felt that rush of adrenaline and the tension!! ugh how do u write them so good anw the part where mc's so frightened she literally submits and presents herself 🤯 blended my brain i fear

ALSO WHN GYU CALLED SOOBIN A GOOD DOG!!!!! AAAAAAAA UR CRAZYYY!!!!! 💥💥💥 gyu's insane in this he literally drove mc to submission in pure fear and basically brainwash soobin into following orders like ugh i im obsessed im in distress

u said that ur not letting us forget they're hybrids AND U DELIVERED!!!! tbh there's so many hybrid aus that's just ears and tails but u went deep in it, make them actually animals with instincts and behaviors (i sound like a furry omg 😭)

also kinda off track but the way mc's so naive and independent like yeah no it's fine ik the woods i'll be fine alone ^_^ and soobin's like babe ur a prey hybrid reminds me a lot of the trend of ppl posting their pets w proof they won't survive in the wild 💀

HIIII i’m super sorry that i took so long to answer this (but when do i ever answer asks on time 😕) BUT THANK YOUUUU SO MUCH!!! i love ltts so much it’s seriously one of my fav fics i’ve written so far and. your review literally means everything to me

(the rest is under the cut ! 🫶)

AGH THANK YOU THANK YOU it makes me so giddy to see that you liked that internal conflict as much as i did… like the build up to it was so intense and as soon as i wrote that “im sorry.” line i had to do a victory lap bc damn!! i really liked how soobin’s character turned out!!! (thank you sm for noticing that detail mwah) 

SHOULD YOU ENJOY THIS HAHAHASSDKLGGKH 

i mean….! that’s kind of the appeal of dark fics for me personally… if it’s written well enough it’ll make you question everything. but again thank you hehe i will be honest and say that i like to take pride in my dark fics 🤗

AHHHHH im happy you pointed that out !! my favorite thing about hybrid aus that i don’t think people take advantage of is all the new and heightened senses they have… im insane and i loved leaning into it and making it aide the characterization and idk. very happy you enjoyed it 🫶 (and if you sound like a furry… what does that make me… /j)

beomgyu master manipulator >>> i had a little too much fun with the name callings, can you tell…. is it obvious…. he is feral and insane and will do anything to get his way. my favorite ! 

I THINK I KNOW WHAT TREND UR TALKING ABOUT LMFAOOO and you’re so right too…. this poor mc was just unfortunately too trusting and naive for her own good :(

and if i say that im so in love with ltts that i feel like i could……. add more to it….?

[taintedcigs]

1989 tv review, vault track rankings, my ratings and overall thoughts:

Welcome to New York — okay i honestly can’t believe I hold myself off and started w this. always thought this was a great opener and HONESTLY sounds really close w the og. I LOVE the production, not my fav song on the album though lol, 8/10

Blank Space — THIS SOUNDS SO CRISP OH MY GOD. there's something different from the og BUT I LOVE IT. 9/10

Style — THIS ALSO SOUNDS SO CRISP TOO. god i love the maturity in her voice SO GODDAMN MUCH. always will be one of my favs on this album. YOU GOT THAT!! JAMES DEAN!! DAYDREAM!! LOOK IN YOUR EYE!! just perfect. 9/10

Out of the Woods — the intro is a bit disappointing but this is one of my fav songs on this album SO I WILL LET IT SLIDE!! "OH I REMEMBER" is scratched into my brain FOREVER. 9/10

All You Had To Do Was Stay — THIS ONE SURPRISED ME SO BAD. I KNOW THIS SONG IS UNDERRATED BUT MY GOD THIS ONE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN OG 10/10.

Shake it Off — serotonin. just makes me so goddamnn happy, THE UPDATED LAUGH IS SOO CUTE I LUV HER. so much better than og, like i swear im a shake it off fan despite not caring that much before LMAO.

I Wish You Would — OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I WILL SAY ABOUT JACK ANTONOFF AND THE PRODUCTION AT THE END (sorry). THIS IS SO GOOD. STOLEN VERSION DOES NOT EXIST, THATS HOW GOOD IT IS. 9.5/10

Bad Blood — the intro to this SONG is so different. KINDA Neutral about it but the whole song sounds very different !!1 8/10

Wildest Dreams — honestly i skipped bc ive been listening to this one for months anyway IM SORRY. but still 10/10 ofc !!!

How You Get The Girl — ALWAYS ONE OF M Y FAV SONGS. POP PERFECTION. just so FUCKING GOOD AND TV IS PERFECT. GOD TAYLOORRR ILY FOR THIS ONE. (also im thinking a steve fic for this? sorry i have to mesh my two hobbies together im insane) 10/10

This Love — also SKIPPED IM SORRYYY SUCH A GOOD SONG AND IVE BEEN LISTENING TO IT FOR MONTHS ALREADYY !!!

I Know Places — OH MY GOD SO PERFECT THIS IS MY TOP 3 ON 1989 AND... IM IN AWE... the GROWL (lmao) in and we run is PERFECTTT. god so good 10/10

Clean — 10/10. no words. im actually kind of sobbing. just makes me SO sad but relax. such a bittersweet song and i still think about the secret message for this song. "She lost him but she found herself and somehow that was everything." forever engraved in my BRAIN.

Wonderland — WONDERLAND TV AFTER CLEAN HITS SO WELL ALSO ONE OF MY FAAVOOORIES. "didn't you flash your GREEN eyes at me?" GEEEENNIUUUS! the OOOHHH hit so well. guys i just... so good. 10/10

You Are In Love — guys HOENSTLY SO GOOD. but im gonna keep this one short even tho this is also one of my favs img etting so impatient for vault tracks. 10/10 masterpiece im not kidding.

New Romantics — BABY WE'RE THE NEW ROMANTICS. COME ON, COME ALONG WITH MEEE. HEARTBREAK IS THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, WE SING IT PROUDLYYY. another pop perfection. the production sounds so good in these deluxe songs omfg. 10/10 GUYS IM SO IMPATIEN T BYE IM GONNA LISTEN TO SLUT! OH MYG DO

Slut! — "if they call me a slut you know it might be worth it for once" OH MY GDO??? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE ABOUT SLUT-SHAMING BUT BLONDIE JUST WENT THERE AND MADE IT A LOVE SONG LMAOO I LOVE HER 9/10

Say Don't Go — im sobbing, ugly crying. and screaming. say "don't go", i would stay forever if you say, "don't go" OH MY GOD IM IN TEARS 10/10

Now That We Don't Talk — "I cannot bе your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost. And what it cost, now that we don't talk" OH MY GOD??? even tho its so SHORT IT HITS SO GOOD HELP ME." And the only way back to my dignity Was to turn into a shrouded mystery" JUST FDUCKING CRAZYYY?? 9/10

Suburband Legends — OKAY THIS IS SO MIDNIGHTS CODED OMFG? the production sounds so mUCH like mastermind and i love that song. "And you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever" she just gets me!!! 9/10

Is It Over Now? — "Oh, Lord, I think about jumpin' Off of very tall somethings" OH MY FUCKING GOD???? shes so bella swan coded. IM CRYING SHES SO RELATABLE AND I THINK THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE OH MY GOD. 10/10

IM STILL TRYING TO PROCESS IT WHAT THE FUCK BUT OKAY MY RANKING FOR THE VAULTS:

Is It Over Now? OH MY GOD. SHE WAS SO CRAZY FOR THIS. THE LYRICS?? I HAVE TO LISTEN 2-3 MORE TIMES TO FULLY PROCESS IT. WHAT THE FUCK SO FUCKING GOOD.

Say Don't Go. ALSO?? IM SOBBING?? SO FUCKING GOOOD??

Suburban Legends. I LOVE THIS ONE SM SO MIDNIGHTS CODED.

Slut! ALSO REALLY GOOD. NOT WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL. A LOVE SONG?? TAYLOR SWIFT YOU ARE A CRAZY GENIUS.

5. Now That We Don't Talk. I LIKED THIS ONE AS WELL. JUST NOT AS MUCH AS THE OTHERS.

OVERALL; I think this is BY FAR my favorite re-recording. I love all of them with my entire heart but THIS ONE IS JUST SO SPECIAL AND IMM SOOO HAPPY TAYLOR FINALLY OWNS IT. JUST A MASTERPIECE. my only ONLY problem is some of the production in some of the songs. i loved the changes. and I LOVE what she did. and I LOVE JACK ANTONOFF FOR GIVING US AMAZING SONGS. but the production sounds a bit off in these songs :(( i think max martin and shellback should've also produced more of them. BUT LIKE I SAID. it has a new vibe and I LOVE IT. (i still think we shouldn't JUST have him on other projects but that is another topic) anyway 10/10 IM STILL SHAKING.

[webslingingslasher]

hiii🥹 i saw my nerdy!peter request btw i loved it he's so adorable thank you sm!!🩷

i've been gone a while bc i was Busy with finals but guess what!! i finished everything a week early so i have an extra week for term break 😌 slayed. im also going to the beach next week and the week after that im excited!!!

but also!! guess who went to bars 2x this week!! me!! which is something i Rarely ever do LMAO but yeah ive been hanging out with my new friends from my new org and ive been so happy!! 💞 we had a 3-day shoot for something we're abt to launch and when we finished we went out to drink near our college to celebrate, it was crazyyy

we played games n one of them were fuck marry kill and a guy said he'd fuck me JXJCJHX ???? 😭😭 i reacted so badly LIKE in a funny way, i cursed in my local language (same vibe as saying "bitch??🤨") and everyone laughed even the guy who said it loll im still giggling abt it bc it happened so fast, like i reacted so fast it was like a reflex😭 you shouldve seen my face kfkcncjdjd but i kinda feel bad bc i think he actually has a crush on me ? bc ive been picking up on how he acts around me lately.. srry brother ur not my type and im not exactly open to dating rn 🙁 but dw it didnt make me uncomfy, everyone took turns including me LOL and there were A Lot of us that night, 15 i think?? haha then some of them also walked me back home since their dorms were on the way. it was my first time walking around the area at night (the place is highkey sketchy) but it was fun👍

and then tonight/today we went out again to drink, just to celebrate the end of the term and i had soo much fun like i didnt drink much but the ppl around me are just rly fun to be with :) we were out from 8pm and i got home at 4am..🥹 it's my first time coming home that late loll but i had a blast. some of my org mates invited their own friends so i met new ppl and they were rly fun to be with too!! they also gave us a ride back home, we were 7 in the car lmfao but it was so nice, that ride fr made me feel like i was in a movie :︎’)

all of this happened this week it's insane but im very happy 🩷🩷 next week im going to the beach w my family and also the week after that but w my parents friends haha, im rly gonna make the most out of this short break bc im abt to start my thesis next term and i knowww i'll be Stressed🤕 i wont get this time of my life back so im gonna be happy now!!

-🧚🏼‍♀️

HELL YES!!!!!! I TOLD YOU THINGS WOULD START LOOKING UP!!!!

YOU GOT FRIENDS, GUYS THAT WANNA BANG YOU AND THE BEACH????

[lqfiles]

hiiii 💕💕

i haven’t checked ur tumblr in a while but i did. and i am sooo caught up on your new smau… it’s so funny and it’s literally exactly what i needed cause i’ve been having the worst week possible 😖😖

basically i struggle with acne and i finally went to the dermatologist (it’s so expensive 😀😀) and they gave me some antibiotics to take??? but they’ve been making me feel sick on random mornings… which hasn’t been the best because sometimes it results in me 🤮 WHICH IS SO WEIRD BECAUSE I HAVEN’T 🤮 IN SO LONG??? i forgot what it feels like. i think today’s the last day i’m gonna take the antibiotics i tried for 3 weeks 😭😭 but today i had a 7 hour exam (which was hell btw) but i pulled up to my school’s parking lot and felt like i was going to faint 😭😭 and then after barfing my guts out in the bathroom i pull up to the exam like nothing is wrong and then just collapse on my bed as SOON as i get home.

now i’m cozily in bed reading ur smau, and it has just made me so happy i love renjun and yangyang they’re literally my favs <33 and the fact that you included them in the smau like… their dynamic NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT MORE

- 🤠 anon (idk if u remember me but i think i sent you an ask once… i’m a lil shy but i was feeling bold today 💪💪💪)

of course i remember you you might not believe it but i thought about the other day while looking through my blog lol kinda crazy how you’re back but i’m happy to see you again hiii ^^

okay yeah i’m pretty sure that’s NOT supposed to happen omg do you think you can find some other type of treatment? you should look into the ingredients and search on google if there are other products that have the same effect. also that suck :/ trying to bond with you rn, but i got some skin issues too, my issue is that i have surprisingly very sensitive AND dry skin which is like the worst combination cos even my scrubbing my face thoroughly can sometimes result in my skin breaking out and making my skin worse 😭😭😭 i mean it’s not that bad anymore since it’s becoming warmer these days but god.. winter was BAAAD for me lol. I HOPE THE ANTIBIOTICS HELPED SOMEWHAT THO and you should definitely find alternative that don’t cause you to throw up every time.. hope your exam went well tho, 7 hours is CRAZYYY that’s literal torture??? are you okay???

also you being renyangist is sooooo real they’re kinda one of my fave dynamics, this whole smau is just filled with my fave dynamics now that i’m deeping it like i’m a huge jaemarkist, renminist and a renyang enjoyer too plss 😭😭 anyways YESS i love renyang dynamic so much they’re so cute, the way renjun genuinely considers yangyang his bff.. 😣 its very fun to see how everyone fights for renjuns love meanwhile renjun is busy wondering what yangyang wants in his hot pot 😭

[ener-chi]

Today was crazyyy!! Just a heads up, this is going to be a long post, so feel free to scroll.

So I went over to my buddy’s house, to help him out. While I was gone, he had finally re-embraced his inherited abilities, and began to do spirit work again. But in doing so, he accidentally invited some spirits into his home and he was having some problems. He asked me to come over and help, so come over I did.

He actually bought some sage, and he had only cleansed one room in the house so far, but man it actually felt amazing in there. I kinda really want to buy some now lol ANYWAYS

The plan was that I was going to confront any spirits that were in the house. Next, I would do an energetic cleanse for each room. Then we would make some protective sigils to place in each room, since he doesn’t really have any protection currently.

So we went up to his room to prepare. He wasn’t really going to do anything, but I wanted him in the same room while I was doing it because I was curious if he was going to feel or sense anything. I entered a meditative state, and began.

I went up into void space, and I called out to any nearby spirits to come out. I saw this very small, shy spirit come out. It was very timid, and... nice. I spoke to it. I gave it a small gift of energy, and it was less scared. I got the sense that this might actually be like a house spirit (maybe even a brownie??) but regardless I decided to ask them to leave, since I was doing a total cleanse. They agreed, and left.

I then did a cleanse of the room. I channeled some pure, healing energy, and put it into an orb, and put that in the center of the room. Then I channeled more energy into it, causing it to expand, further and further, slowly filling up the space of the entire room, and pushing any and all negative and bad energies out of the room. 

Once I was finished, I asked my friend if he had picked anything up. Just a note, I hadn’t told him exactly how I was going to do anything, just that I was going to speak to some spirits and do a cleanse. Anyways, he asked me if I had made some energy and pushed it into and out of the room, and if I had made it pulse. I was surprised because that’s exactly what I did!! And he picked it up and sensed it!! He also said that he saw me almost surrounded in like a cone of flame, which would be when I was channeling energy lol. I’m very impressed.

I did this to the rest of the house. I came across another spirit, a large, long, ghastly (like a gas) spirit with a long, wispy black tail. I confronted it and asked what it was doing here and it was sheepish, and I immediately sensed that it did not belong. I asked it to leave, and it in return asked me what I would do if I didn’t. In response, I armored up, and it got scared and agreed to leave. I made it leave immediately lol.

The other rooms of the house had some pretty dense energy; I had a really hard time doing my cleanse and pushing the energy out. I did a cleanse on the whole house, even the other rooms. I channeled soo much energy through me. I haven’t done this big of energy work in a long time. I’m feeling pretty drained, and I know that I’m going to sleep very well tonight.

Finally... I went into his guest bedroom. He’s asked me in the past if the energy in the room felt off, and it kind of did. But I went in there this time, and immediately the energy felt... different. I again went into void space and asked if there were any spirits around, and immediately one came up and sat across from me. They had an older feel, but I wasn’t really able to get a lot of physical details. I tried speaking with them, and realized that I was having a really hard time hearing anything at all. But I was feeling like emotions and energy as a response instead of words, and it clicked... a human! 

I’ve only interacted with a couple of human spirits, but for whatever reason I can’t communicate with them directly as I can with other spirits. It’s all with emotions and energy rather than words. I realized that it might be a human spirit, and I asked to see them properly, and I was able to pick up more details. They were older, maybe like around 60′s, with a wrinkled brow and forehead. Tan skin. I was having a hard time picking anything else up. 

I asked them why they were there, and I was met with confusion. I asked them if they wanted to leave, and they pondered on it. I asked if there was something that they needed to do before they left, and they nodded. But when I asked what it was, I was met with static. I had the thought that maybe my friend needed to talk to her, and she nodded. 

I told her that I would arrange it, and then I asked if it was okay to cleanse the room, and I got a nod. I tried to, but I was unable to. At this point, I could feel their energy throughout the room, and it was very strong. I couldn’t push it out, it was very sturdy. But I realized that I didn’t really need to do a cleanse on the room; even though the energy is different, this spirit was actually protecting the room...

I went downstairs to talk to my friend, but... I was having a hard time disconnecting from the spirit. She kept nudging me, and then it got stronger. I got the impression that she wanted me to tell my friend. I showed him my notes, and he thought it was interesting. But I still couldn’t disconnect. I asked what she wanted... and she said “you need to talk to me” to my friend. After a little while, I was finally able to disconnect.

It was such a surreal feeling. Like... their presence was extremely strong; I was much more present in the astral then in the physical during that time. I had a hard time focusing or talking even. I ended up typing and showing it to my friend instead of talking. So weird.

After that, we spelled out some terms for the protection spell and designed a sigil. I charged it for him, and then we made copies for each room in his house, so that it can all be protected. After that, we hung out because I was totally wiped lol.

So yeah! That’s pretty much it. An insane experience!! Lots of energy work and spirit work. But a big experience with human spirits, for sure. 

I think that’s it for now. I hope that everyone has a great evening!

Blessings!

[kairakeiji]

TELL US ABOUT THE SVT CONCERT PLEASE

omg it’s gonna be kinda long sayu baby

first off…i feel so bad bc we didn’t know imperfect love and they asked us to sing and legit i feel like they were clowning us for it bc they were like “oh you know our korean lyrics so well!” and my friend and i were like 😀😀 pls i actually felt so bad tho

anyway!! I LOWKEY REGRET SAYING I DIDNT LIKE CERTAIN SONGS BC okay okay i wasn’t rlly a fan of game boy before the concert but now i’m like YES GAME BOY I LOVE IT!! that and then wave too like oml seeing it live tbh changed my mind abt it and i honestly think that’s so wonderful

THE SHEER AMOUNT OF SCREAMS FOR MINGYU AND MINGHAO OH MY GOD literally even in the mvs that they played before like ppl would scream for them it was crazyyy

we got 8 aju nices too btw if you all wanna see any of those…

more utc if u wanna read hehe

HOSHI IS SO MF PRETTY MY GOD AND AND AND OML HE BROUGHT OUT ALL THE AUTOTUNE AND EVERYTHIN FOR HIS INTRO AND MANS WENT HORANGHAE AND ALL THE LIGHTSTICKS TURNED ORANGE but performance team is so chef’s kiss MY GOD MOONWALKER ACTUALLY SLAPS

OML THEY DID LITTLE HINTS OF CHEERS THROUGHOUT THE SHOW they were like teasing us or some shit like don’t be shy play the entire thing!!!!

BRO ALSO THEY WERE SOLD OUT OF LIGHTSTICKS BC OF THE PRESALE AND I WAS SO SAD😭😭 the carat bong is so pretty pls i’d lose my mind to have one

also!! all the carats are so sweet like i was complimenting fits and taking pics for ppl and they were all so sweet to my friend and i back like i rlly wish i got their socials or smt they were all so nice and even let us use their lightsticks for pics

[ghenegersnaps]

You’ve been great, 2016

It’s already January 3 and I’m way way behind writing this lol. But anyway, yes, 2016 had been really good to me. It was overall a great year to be completely honest. Compared to the previous year which I considered, shitty and harsh? It kinda became the opposite of it.

I don’t know, there were just way too many unexpected blessings that I’ve received. It’s crazyyy. Crazy good. And what really makes me happy is that, from the very beginning of 2016, I’ve already told myself, “This is going to be a good year”. Cliche but I did lol. That’s why ever since, I’ve started counting my blessings. Well, not literally but you get it haha. Each month, I would tend to reflect on how that month went and it would usually end up good. It’s just amazing how I claimed it in the beginning and everything turned out great up until the very end. Just, wow.

Yes, for sure I went through difficult times too. I swear, I did. It wasn’t just all fun. I’ve learned a lot from them that’s why I realized, how much more positive I’ve become this year.

Sighhh. I honestly am nervous about 2017. I don’t know why but so far, it’s not that bad. I guess I’m just thinking, “2016 was great, what if things turned the other way around this year?” lol. Overthinker. Meh, I’m just gonna go with whatever and stay positive about things haha.

So yeah, many thanks 2016! This has been my favorite year so far. :)

[journal-of-j34n31]

friday, july 21 2017

4:11 AM;

okay, technically it’s saturday the 22nd. however, all these events happened on the written date above SO. damn has my life been crazyyy. let’s start with what happened the night before. me and ae were on facetime and trying to cop these new shoes (adidas x henry poole). although that mission was a bust, it had me late night thinking and simping about how much i miss his presence, as well as how happy he makes me. (sidenote, me and av were catching up like old times. sending tweets and shit to each other and it was actually kind of nice) being such a late night, i thought it’d be super amaze beans if i sent that random appreciation text to adrian. unfortunately, i ended up crashing before i could. i woke up without a text message from him so i figured he was not awake yet. this was the perfect opportunity to send out that text. so this is what i came up with after two hours of trying to figure out what to say, how to say it, etc:

good morning baby! i was planning on sending this after you fell asleep but my phone died and i crashed waiting for it to turn back on 😅 anyways i just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for me because no one has ever treated me as good as you or taken care of me the way that you do. i am so genuinely happy and i promise it's all because of you. no one has ever given me that in the past 18 years. it makes me happy just being in your presence alone. i am so so so grateful that i can truly say i look at you as so much more than my boyfriend. babeee, you're my best mf friend. like ken is continually saying, you are like a boy version of me (even though we still clearly have many differences). i find every single thing about you perfect, even the things you may not like about yourself. it may sound weird or whatever but it's crazy how the things you say have an effect on me more than anyone else's. maybe because i know the things you say to me are sincere, but that's why it means so much to me. no matter what mood i'm in, you can always change that. especially when i'm cranky or upset, you are patient with me. you know the right things to say when i need comfort and security. i feel so safe knowing i can go to you for whatever, whenever, and you will be right there. you have shown/taught me things that no one else ever has and you have pushed me to become a better version of myself. i love the fact that there is always so much more to you that others, including myself, haven't seen yet because it's exciting. you got me feeling so much for you that i have never felt towards anyone else, which it's scary. however, you are giving me constant reassurance that everything i put into this relationship is given back to me. you don't make me feel stupid for the little things like wanting to keep that streak of seeing you everyday. it means so much more to me than a streak. it shows me how you would stop at nothing to go that extra mile just to see me once a day, even if that means for a little bit. the smallest things you do means so much to me, especially because i have a habit of overthinking a lot. you might think that me telling you all this is random but i just wanted to tell you how much i appreciate you and everything you do isn't going unnoticed. i wanted to remind you how lucky i am to have you and being able to call you mine. i honestly don't understand how i got you or what i did to deserve you, but i'm not complaining oneee bit. people that have known me since i was a little kid understand how picky of a person i am and when those same people are telling me how they genuinely see how happy i am and perfect you are for me are words i have never heard or thought i'd hear this early in my life. the fact that i am constantly being told this from people outside of our relationship just shows me something i don't even know how to describe, but it's such a good feeling. i am so blessed to have you in my life and especially by my side. i hope you slept like a little babyyy, GOOD MORNINGGG x2 😘❤ i was trying to get this to you before you got up and started doing things but it's ok

he replied with:

Oh man baby, I didn't expect this at all. 🙆🏼 I just woke up right now actually. I was tossing and turning, not able to put myself to sleep till about 4. 😪 I think it's completely fine now since I've woken up to this massive gift of a message. ❤️😍 just listening to everything you said here I feel like I'm hearing from your voice directly. Simply everything that you provide me never goes unnoticed. At times you see me get distracted w playing games and watching games, and I sometimes get caught up and I hope you don't feel like I'm dissing you and pushing you to the side. I want you to know that you are definitely my highest priority and although it might take me a little while to put the game away, I understand that we don't have all day so we gotta make the time we have count. 💪🏼 I've been stressing about how this year plan has been changing so frequently and I could imagine how it's effecting you. No matter the circumstance, we'll figure something out. We always do. I just want you to know that you have me to talk about this shenanigans even though it might get you upset since you may not know what's happening. Thank you for the lovely message my baby, it means the world that we are bhillen on the highest level and are completely invested in each other. 😘

then i said:

4 AM?! you're brazyyy, babe! awwww, you're so cute :( it's just whenever i see you and you're on you're phone it makes me upset because sometimes i have to go the whole day without even being able to talk to you and when i see you all i want to do is spend time with you, especially if you can't stay for that long. i get it though, you said with you being so busy you don't even have time to do that so i just wait. sometimes i wish we met sooner so that we would've had more time to spend together before we'd have to leave for college but everything happens for a reason and i'm glad 2017 gave me you. i also feel that it's the right time we met right now because i think we're old and mature enough to be in a real relationship and understand what all this is about. as scared i am for the future, i am excited. i believe and trust that if it's meant to be then it'll work out no matter what. i don't think either of us would throw it out so easily without a fight. ❤ of bourse baby, alwaysss 😘 you said bhillen :')

there goes a start to a perfect morning already. with all this waiting around, the day we finally say “i love you” better be one of the best days of our lives. i can’t wait to finally let him know how much i am inlove with his ass. i went about my day on twitter and whatnot. decided to wash my face and brush my teeth and do my makeup as i wait to see what he has planned. so he calls me and tells me that he has to deal with things from his insurance from that one accident we ran into. as he came over, we layed in bed and watched titanic. i did his eyebrows while he was playing his little games. we were both starving so decided to go to in n out. he eats so mf quick, it gives me anxietyyy. i even left my bag in the seat we were sitting at, and we were already to the car so my ass ran all the way back almost hitting the car next to us because both of our doors were open. we got back to the house, watched his gaming videos, and we finally fucked while i was on my period because ae is a brazyyy animal and had looked if it were safe to do so the day before. it was not as bad as we thought. we used a condom that i grabbed while we were in the car on the way home from in n out, laid my softball blanket under him, and bam. it happened. i had to run to the bathroom and grab toilet paper lmaooo. afterwards, we played fun run 2 and he gave me one of those bomb ass booty massages. we headed out towards the pool where we say jj and chic0. (another sidenote, it’s bs how debut practices are always being planned literally the second before it is supposed to start. like, i got plans) it was nice just bhillen in the freezing pool and then relaxing in the hot tub. when we finished, we sat in the car and got lit as fuck. i was so excited to get home because we were going to shower together. let me tell you, that shower sex WHILE WE WERE HIGH was hype as fuckkk. 10/10 recommend. we layed back down in my bed and were just talking. he did something and i slipped out “i love that” and idk man i guess he thought i said “i love you” and asked “what did you say?” he got all smiley and laughed to prevent himself from crying and i could’ve sworn in that moment he was about to say those 3 words. i started crying because i was thinking of how happy he makes me, at the same time i was high and ending my period. GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED NEXT. my parents get home and we smoked before so we can chill in the room and not have to worry about them seeing us. BUT, BITCH, they walked in my room and was like “we got you a late graduation present!” AS I WAS HIGH AND CRYING. jay was recording me and everything like i was just crying my nigga. they put the key into a victorias secret bag and THEY GOT ME A MF CAR. before that, i checked their location and saw they were at the dealership (when we were smoking) and jokingly said “watch them get a new car”. i got a spankin’ new white nissan altima. that shit fresh. it was so hard to act sober and i made the stupid mistake of agreeing to take it on a test drive around the neighborhood. bro, this is weird that III have my OWN car. fuck bro. that’s insane. then me and ae went back to my room, got bomfortable, and crashed. he woke up at 2:45 AM and woke me up as well, telling me it was his time to dip. my baby got home safe and sound and i went back upstairs to brush my teeth and wash my face. ahhh, today was such a good day. if only we actually said those three words today then it would’ve been JUST as memorable. my life is on a continuous roller coaster, but i wouldn’t have it any other way (kinda). the only thing i’m lost about is school. palomar vs csusm. the only thing getting me through this is how supportive my baby is of me no matter where i end up. he told me he can’t wait to show up to my games and support me 100%. if we play sdsu, he told me that he would root for me and then hand me a shirt to wear afterwards that reads “sdsu girlfriend”. fuck bro, i want to spend the rest of my life with him. forever. 

[shitty-horoscopes]

advice <3

”Hey hun, i hope your doing good💎 i’m on the other hand feel like shit..😔 i hope it’s okey we can talk, i just really need to talk to someone.. I feel so sad & shitty everyday i don’t know what to do im just sad but am trying not to let that take over my world, is just that in May I got to know a guy in my school, like it was like this (I was the shy popular girl that all the guys wanted) and he was just a guy going to the school that I found attractive so we started talking after like two years going to that school. But he kinda liked me already but he was really shy but yea so it really started of so innocent it was so pure and we really vibe:d the feelings got stronger and it was like to good to be true, but then everybody in the school knew about it and he had an ex in our school with he broke up with cuz he said it always was drama with her she treated him like shit and she was always angry and she didn’t even let him hang out with he’s cousins (yea you get it) so he felt like shit all the time BUT YEA when she heard the news about me and him she went craazyy she stated to send him text m and she started to send picture of her cutting herself cutting her arm full of blood and she blamed it all on him she said it was he’s fault then she started to talk shit about me and him to people in school and it was so much drama coming my way all at once, But I just prayed to God, and I always was their for “Remi” (the guy) I just wanted to see him happy & he did the same with me he treated me like a princess, but no matter all of that we continue to be together but then the summer came and I was going on vacation and he also, but it was so beautiful cuz we still talked to each other every single day and our bond got stronger it was so perfect😔 THEN the vacation was soon over I had one week left I was gonna start high school and he still has one year left in middle school. But yeah everything was perfect until like one week before I was coming back he started to get really distant & kinda weird so some days before a came I asked him why he had been acting like that and from nowhere he was just like I don’t know, but maybe we should just be friends, and then he said I really really love you, you are the most amazing girl I have ever known, and in my head I was like *wth* but I just kept it chill and I asked why and he was like I don’t know so I just thought like oh okey he don’t wanna say so I wrote to him that It’s fine, and that I only want him to be happy and lalalal then, Then a couple days after my friend show me that he and and that ex where back together and it was when I literally became broken but I didn’t do no drama about it I just let it go and yes AFTER one and a half month he text me from nowhere and he send me a old cute conversation between us two, and he sends a lot of hearts after, and then first I just ignore it cuz I literally started shaking, but then I was like why are you doing this and blabl and he was like am sorry denisse for everything I miss you so much I been thinking about you everyday I can’t stop, am still I in love with you, then I told him a lot and I asked why he did it cuz I didn’t get it cuz you know our relationship was really pure and it was good vibes only then from nowhere he do that AND he says this, he text me something like this, You where gonna start high school don’t you think everyone was saying you was gonna leave me and find a new guy I mean look at you and look at me it is one and a million that a guy like me gets a chance with a girl like you, I don’t know how I could do what I did I have felt sad everyday I miss you, Ahmed said you wouldn’t wanna talk to me ever again after what I did (he’s best friend) but I’m sorry you are the most kind hearted girl I have ever known, everyone said I didn’t have a chance, I’m sorry. And I ignored him but after some days a called him cuz I couldn’t let it go😔 and we talked and all of the old feelings came back for a while it felt just like old times, but you know we talked. About everything that had happen and I told him that I forgave him but I just can’t go back cuz I don’t trust him like that anymore and that am scared and that I have never been in that kind of situation before so I don’t know how to deal with it I just told him also that what he did was really wrong and once again he started apologizing and saying he really missed me, but yeah everything was cool between us when we hung up, we where in peace then he started texting me after and we texted the whole night and yeah then he started to text me everyday and sometimes he called me and it was like that a long time then he started to say am sorry again and that he wants a new chance and you know all of that stuff, and I said I did not know and that maybe I just needed a little time, and he was like I understand I’m fine with that, but he still continue to text me and talk to me everyday, and sometimes u didn’t always answer cuz sometimes things felt right and sometimes they didn’t I just didn’t know what the heck I was feeling and when I didn’t answer he was like you don’t love me no more just say to me that you don’t want anything to do with me be honest, and a lot of stuff and when I answered he just let that go and we talked. But then I came to that point where i didn’t knew if I really wanted him back cuz he didn’t felt like a safe place like before I couldn’t trust him. But he still talked to me and he was always saying all tHis cute things and yea but it was just so hard but I thought maybe I just need a little time and we can maybe work it out, then I stopped talking to him for a while cuz my friend told me that he and he’s ex had contact again and it was true then after like a week I was like I need to talk to you then I told him that and he was like is not true, I would never do that to you! And yes I just let him talk cuz I didn’t knew if I could trust him then I took distance and a couple days after my mom and him saw each other at a school (my sisters go to the same school) and he said hi to her and they kinda talked and he asked her if he could write to me (like I had forbidden him??) then she was and he asked that a couple times she said and if it was fine and that he was gonna write to me after football that night so I was like ehm okey.. But he didn’t. And i was like whatever.. And a couple days after that my mom saw him with the ex they where walking together and she said that he didn’t even say hi or something he just looked down and just walked and was trying to avoid eye contact with my mom cuz I think deep down he knows it wasn’t okey and I just didn’t knew what to feel after this then after that my “friend” tells me that they are back together and it was true, I felt like a fool I still do, I just don’t know what to do I don’t get why he do this, like how can he be so heartless and cruel everything that I ever wanted was to see him happy and I just wanted time and I wanted to take it slow, and he instead of that he goes to someone who begs on her knees for him and cuts her arms for him, okey I mean I just don’t get it I feel so confused and sad I don’t know what to do, I hate to feel this way😔 I dream about him every single night and it is the worst that can happen cuz it’s like I can’t move on and I just don’t know what to do im going crazyyy it hurts so I have heard that they have been breaking up and been getting back together also I just don’t get why he does this, it is really toxic😔 Im going insane.. I wonder if my name and our memories cross his mind sometimes, I wonder if he cares maybe a little you know? Or if I ever even meant something to him.. I’m in pieces it hurts so bad😞 im a pisces he’s a taurus and the ex is à aries, is it normal for taurus to act like this ? :/ — aangeldip”

@aangeldip hi dear! I hope you are doing better now. this is not a good situation to be in. I’m sorry you have to suffer through that. but to answer your question, no, it is not normal for a Taurus to act like that. Typically, a Taurus is a reliable, devoted, and stable person. In your situation, it seems that he is none of these. I know you feel upset and hurt, but my advice to you is to try your hardest to get over him. As a Pisces, you are overly trusting, which was part of the problem early on. Although you still had your suspicions, your overly trusting nature allowed for you to be hurt again and again. Clearly his ex needs help. Whatever is going on, is not your fault. I know it will be hard, but try to move on from him. He doesn’t realize what he had with you, and after everything he put you through, you deserve someone better. -Cancer