ghenegersnaps

[ghenegersnaps]

9:11 pm — September 17, 2024

There is really nothing left for me here anymore.

[ghenegersnaps]

10:09 am — September 16, 2024

It’s my 28th birthday. It’s a bit sad tbh. You’d expect the closest people to your hearts will excitedly greet you, but I guess they do it just cuz. Eh whatever. Let’s not expect next year hahaha. I still find it very sweet tho how the bros of Josh still greets me. That made me feel a lot better. I’m currently spending it alone, but I’m not really too mad about it. Seeing Josh on the 27th matters more to me. I just have one wish and I hope it does happen.

[ghenegersnaps]

7:11 am — May 30, 2024

When I leave, I’m sure he’ll be just fine.

[ghenegersnaps]

9:44 pm — May 23, 2024

Damn I am so unhappy hahaha.

[ghenegersnaps]

9:53 pm — May 8, 2024

Just fucking suck it up. I literally have no one here. I’m always so alone.

[ghenegersnaps]

5:21 pm — March 30, 3024

Every day, I’m getting more and more reasons to leave. I literally don’t have anything for me here anymore. All I want is to start a new life in Taiwan. I just wanna start again. With Josh. Sigh please. Please keep everything moving.

[ghenegersnaps]

8:39 pm — March 15, 2024

Okay, woowwww. How selfish and how high y’all prides’ could get? Stupid motherfucking pricks. That shows how goddamn low you all are. Fine then. Let that be fucking it.

[ghenegersnaps]

7:37 am — March 13, 2024

Girl, then fucking don’t lol. Who u kidding.

[ghenegersnaps]

9:10 pm — March 7, 2024

Damn. Crazy how a week could be entirely different from the previous one. Everything felt lighter and this time, I can see that we’ve both adjusted quite well. Not to mention that I got pretty sick that I was sent to the ER and thought I was about to get a stroke and die lol. Mental health is so real that it easily affects your physical health too. Also had a serious and cringe fight with my sister but meh. This time, I won’t make the first move. She needs to lower down her pride and grow up. It sucks but somebody had to tell her even if it’s hard. Right now, I have other things to worry about. Man, I just hope everything would turn out fine with my husband’s current military situation. Fingers crossed.

[ghenegersnaps]

10:11 am — February 28, 2024

I thought about it last night. It’s the first time I did. What’s my purpose here anyway. If it did happen, I’m sure they’ll all be just fine. I feel like I’m just forcing myself to do and feel anything right now. I forced myself to eat an egg just to have something. Last meal was yesterday at 3pm and I’m not even hungry now. Idk. I just feel empty. I feel alone. I guess that’s why I’ve just been writing here more often. My safe space when I don’t feel like talking to anyone.

[ghenegersnaps]

9:03 pm — February 27, 2024

cannot fucking wait to finally get out of this hell house

[ghenegersnaps]

2:58 am — February 25, 2024

I could still hear your cry from the other night. That unexpected phone call. Your voice, with fear and weakness— it broke my heart. I’m so sorry we had to go through all of this babe. We’re entering probably one of the hardest times we’ll ever have to face together. I thought we were prepared enough. I thought we were both strong enough for this but man, it was a complete shock. I imagine myself being in your spot babe and I know it’s so much harder than just waiting for a message or a phone call. I know you wanted to give up and just go home. I know how much you were trying.

It scares me babe. It really does. The finish line feels so far away and I miss you so much. I feel weak. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I haven’t had a good sleep. I don’t feel like eating as much. I feel heavy all the fucking time. I feel this pain in my chest that won’t go away. All I want is to be with you.

I’m doing my best to finish all of our shit here babe. As quickly as I possibly can. And I know you’re trying your hardest to be strong. Everything sucks right now but we’ll get through this babe. I love you so damn much.

[ghenegersnaps]

1:05 pm — February 23, 2024

We can get through this babe. I’ll be right here waiting. Please take care of yourself. I love you so much.

[ghenegersnaps]

10:42 pm — February 21, 2024

We’re in a video call right now and all I wanna do is cry. I did. I placed my phone down, camera facing my bedroom ceiling. And I cried — silently so he won’t see or hear. I’ve done this a few times already. I just wanted to be strong for him. I tried to calm myself down, took my menthol inhaler, and went back to the call with him. Acted like my heart wasn’t tearing apart.

Everything feels so far away. And all I could do is wait. It’s just so hard. It’s so fucking hard.

[ghenegersnaps]

9:08 pm — December 20, 2023

damn why you teasing me like that babe lol hahaha

[ghenegersnaps]

12:17 am — October 8, 2023

Shocker but I swear, I couldn’t be more thankful for my job. There’s really a reason why God put me here. There’s a reason why He made me stay no matter how many times I wanted to quit before. This job has done so many good things that lead to where I am now. There really is a reason and we just gotta trust His plans. Sigh I’m just so grateful. Thank you, God.

[ghenegersnaps]

7:50 pm — June 27, 2023

Sooo I was recently diagnosed with this heart disease called Ischemia. It’s because of my high blood pressure that escalated ‘cause I wasn’t really feeling anything. Sadly, it runs in the family.

I found out yesterday and it crushed me. It honestly made me think of how much time do I have left, am I gonna get a stroke soon, a heart attack, am I gonna die young.

And all I could think of is Josh.

It made him really worried. I was tryna stay postive but it’s just so hard. We’ve talked about serious topics before like if I ever was to die first, he said he won’t be able to handle it. I wouldn’t either. I honestly prefer to die last because I never want him to get hurt.

Typical him, he was tryna cheer me up and boost my confidence that I will get better. I’m not sure if you can cure Ischemia but you can control it and still live a normal life. I got used to my Asthma and that never really bothered me anymore. It’s just really heavy on me right now knowing I have another illness to deal with.

It’s still kinda hard for me to stay postive but I know I’ll be okay.

I will get better for Josh. I just love him too much.