#my back pain persists

[wiregrrrl]

I do not have the strength to make anything good today, heres your bocchi slop for dinner

[trans-ralsei]

okay i can't find that post any more

but i worry about the trans girls who have gaping holes where their personalities should be.

it takes a lot of effort for a person to sustain your continued spiritual and psychological existence. i've met these trans girls, and i've tried to help (or I think I've tried to help). but the deadliest part of this is that to build yourself up brick by brick requires you to fight against the currents that want you dead, that want you to be the empty husk of a human being.

that's why the whole please stay alive thing is such a resonating statement; you need to stay alive for your own sake.

in the home city that means trying to find your own shelter when rent can easily cost you a third of your wage and landlords fucking suck. that means looking for a job that won't fucking deadname or misgender you, that you can tolerate. that means surviving. that means leaving clingy and transphobic family behind and uprooting what the home city believes should be your entire support system. that means trying to live, to get to the point where you can get hormone therapy, hair removal, bottom surgery.

i can't promise that things will get better. but if you know someone like that. if you know a trans girl like that. please. keep them alive. and help them fight. help them be themselves, and grow and bloom again.

we don't have much in the home city, but there are resources. places. things that we are doing and building so that we don't lose people. allies that are fighting alongside us.

because we will win. and when we win, i hope we don't have to mourn.

[murdleandmarot]

The gang’s all here!! They’re on the case!! And there’s no ghost that they wouldn’t chase!!!!!

@mysticalcats’s Foxglove, @toki-toro’s Chaumet, @emimii’s Clownaire, and my own Bluebelle :)

[izuris]

yeah this is my art piece it's called "oh my god it sucks so bad" enjoy

[iamthecomet]

Hi dear 💙

Do you have any thoughts on ghouls with chronic pain? It's been a rough one.

Love, Mac

I'm sorry you're having a rough time Mac. I hope tomorrow is a better day with less pain. I have some thoughts, nothing too crazy because I am old and therefore exhausted and very much ready for bed at 11pm. But, I'll give you what I can. And it's something I'd love to explore more in the future--these really are just some basic headcanons. Feel free to ask me to elaborate and I would be so happy to. A good amount of words about ghouls with chronic pain below the cut. No real diagnosis because I don't know shit about shit, just my personal headcanons and descriptions of what they go through and how they manage it.

As far as ghouls who deal with chronic pain? Zephyr, Mountain, Dew, and Aeon are the ones I headcanon with it the most often. Aeon absolutely has some form of hypermobility. And he pushes himself too hard. Uses his hypermobility to show off. And then pays for it with joints that feel like they've been lit on fire. Mountain eventually makes a special salve for him--similar to one he's made for Zephyr that helps alleviate some of the pain. Dew gets migraines. A particularly bad one can sideline him for days. There's no telling when they're going to hit, fueled by stress and/or exhaustion. He usually gets a little bit of a warning aura, but then he's down. Curled up in the fetal position in his bed until the pain passes. It's a full body, inescapable pain. Mountain has a tea for him that helps--mostly it just makes him sleep but that's better than nothing. And when it's really bad Aether (or Aeon if they're on tour) will slip into his room and use his quintessence to wick away some of the pain. Dew's known to play through them--Aeon dulls it right before they go on stage, and by the time they're done it's back full force and it's all Dew can do to get to the bus and into his dark bunk. Mountain's got back pain. Always. Every day. Inescapable. He smokes weed to make it a little better. Gets frequent massages. But it doesn't change the fact that every day he wakes up feeling like he's slept on rocks. He and Zephyr are as close as they are because they've been dealing with pain since they were summoned. Both of them seeking out ways to dull it, at least for a little. Mountain does have some tricks that work--herbal concoctions he's made that make it a little better. And most of his days are tolerable. He always aches but he can move around, he can garden, he can drum. The rare bad days though? He's immobile. Laying on his bathroom floor (hoping a hard flat surface will straighten out his spine). Most of the concoctions he's made for other people he made by accident when he was trying to find some relief for himself. Zephyr's summoning went wrong. Their vessel is not compatible with them. So, it rebels on a regular basis. Their joints ache, changes in the weather make it worse. Some days, it's every single joint in their body, their fingers, their toes. Everything. Others it's their knees. Zeph is high, a lot. Almost always smoking to try to make things manageable. They make due. They're able to do their duties for the most part. But their physical condition is what made them retire from Ghost--touring was impossible. They have stretches they do every morning. They go for a walk with Dew around Mountain's smallest garden after breakfast. They stay as active as their body will let them. And, it goes without saying, that on their worst days their pack takes (almost too much) care of each of them. They can't take the pain away or fix it--but they can at least make those agonizing days closer to tolerable.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Ahhh the freedom of realizing my job is chill enough about calling out that I can stay home when my period is at its worst point without consequence

[fiendishartist2]

look at this awesome arm i drew

[remyfire]

The good/bad news is that Tumblr hates fun and is not letting me upload my screencaps so you are all free from my emotions about the episode I rewatched today.

[desperatepleasures]

nsaids did fuck all tonight but I think I'm like. starting to make peace with the fact that I'm just going to be struggling physically and emotionally until I can go back on my meds in a few weeks. like yeah my whole body hurts but it's okay cause it's temporary, and knowing that makes it easier than if it was just Mystery Symptoms. there is an actual end point to this!!!

[shoezuki]

I'm only probably 22 but I haven't been without some type of chronic pain or at least discomfort since I was like 14/15. Isn't that sad? I've had to stop drawing and buy a yoga ball to use as a chair n so many lil things to adjust to my pain. There's something so depressing bout it

[cirqosmos]

me trying to keep up w my reading routine:

[grilledkatniss]

Pot a toe

[gloriousmonsters]

✅

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

do blowjobs count

and hmm... trying to think of something that showed up without me being pretty quickly aware of it, something that tends to sneak in... it feels odd considering I haven't posted that many fics where it's obvious, but I did realize not too long ago that I tended to write about people with chronic pain/health problems, often from an injury but sometimes just... there; also people who suffer injuries/setbacks that fundamentally change their way of life (which feels hella prophetic now that a lot of my physical issues have caught up to me). But yeah, in the fic I've published it's not usually as obvious, mostly because 'people (especially those I relate to, lol) are just in pain as a normal state of being, right' seemed so natural I didn't examine it until my own pain got worse. I've been leaning more consciously into it recently, tho

[todayisafridaynight]

GENUINELY so funny AraSawa occurred to you too for the hanahaki tags, but thinking about it, I appreciate both scenarios for different (but related?) reasons.

Because I've personally always found the base concept of hanahaki aesthetically immaculate, but impossible to relate to or take seriously. They don't love you back Specifically In A Romantic Sense so your options are either to DIE or have a surgeon come in and delete love.exe? Lol. Lmao even. Couldn't be me. Of course, to each their own, but sort of like what you were saying with Aoki and Yumeno, it's just not something I'm ever going to "get."

With MineDai, something I love about the canon dynamic is that I really don't get the impression Mine's even pressed about Daigo loving him back. Of course, there's a degree of "pining" as shown in his first character story, but it's also immediately subverted in that what Mine was pining for is a simple workplace friendship that would be more reflective of their status as oath brothers in his eyes. Like, fair enough, all things considered, right?

And in spite of the arguments that could be made here, I honestly do believe him overall when he says his love for Daigo is selfless and without ulterior motives. Even with his desire for friendship, it's super important to me that he resolved to never impose that upon Daigo unless it was what Daigo wanted. That's why Daigo had to be the one to initiate their friendship instead.

It's just refreshing, because often the execution of these types of concepts feel sort of adjacent to incel rhetoric in forcing two people together inorganically to lessen the "suffering" of one. Especially with the life-or-death nature of hanahaki played-straight pushing it to an extreme, and especially with the enormous backlog of fan-content where Mine is primarily only concerned with his own desires. But for Mine, because it doesn't cause him Suffering to not be loved back romantically (at least as far as he knows), "the problem of hanahaki" would not about The Pain of Unrequited Love, but a physical manifestation of extant problems.

It'd be about obliviousness, it'd be about miscommunication, it'd be about saying he's fine when he's not, it'd be about how the emotional barriers he puts up only serve to hurt him when his needs are unmet (kind of what we were talking about RE: Katase and past relationships; super excited to dig in and reply btw, I'm just rushing the Yokoyama clip for tomorrow), it'd be about workaholism and the need to overachieve in order to feel accomplished, loved, and wanted, and how all of that might intersect with physical illness.

That I can relate to and take seriously, because ignoring symptoms and keeping them to yourself so as to not inconvenience others really can kill you. Your crush not liking you back? Uh, not so much. But it's certainly not all gloom and doom either, because all of those things can be as comedic as they are tragic. So I think the Short, Sweet and Funny approach would be perfect.

And with AraSawa, it's kind of Just Works, right, precisely because it's another thing for Jo to endure in silence and make excuses for. "Just pretend it didn't happen. Brush it under the rug. That's what you do with secrets." It's so good as a representation of guilt and secrecy. And this is pretty much rehashing something my friend said (not about these two specifically) but if he just came clean, it might stop, but instead he continues to hurt both of them. The flavor.

In the case of Hanahaki for Mine and Jo, I do think and agree it would more be a matter not of their 'beloved' not liking them back, but just the fact they themselves either refuse to openly acknowledge the feeling, or don't try to confront the feeling and do something about it. It's more so an issue of themselves being so focused on being useful and overworking themselves that they give themselves sickness (that sickness spurring from that unspoken of love and the inability to express it because they don't know how to and whatnot)

Maybe it's just because I generally try to see things silly and funny, but yeah I dunno: letting your own overthinking or not wanting to be a disturbance just feels better than what's traditionally done with Hanahaki

[tjerra14]

radiculopathy really is the most unnecssary thing to come out this year

[mohammedaldeeb]

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