#my attempts at self promo are useless

[tired-night-owl]

Blood Runs Cold

Fandom : Star Wars The Bad Batch

One shot ?

I tried to write a small fic about Crosshair and Omega in the new promo that’s been released because I can’t wait to see them together in the new season even if I know my heart is gonna get crushed by Dave Filony again… Hopefully I am the opposite of last season and I am soooo wrong and they will all be reunited as a big family where no one dies or sacrifice themselves for the others ! Anyway I hope you enjoy :) 

Word count : 866

Summary : Crosshair has much to think about in his new conditions, what doesn’t help is when a far too bubbly and optimistic teenager comes and ruins his peaceful self pity moment.

Notes : brief mention of torture I guess, small but graphic description of tech’s death, Siblings!crosshair x omega, Spoilers for the new promo clip !

He noticed it a while ago, when they first started their wicked experiments on him. He tried to keep it under control mostly for his pride because seeing as with such a condition, his (now rendered useless) talent would be even more so wasn’t helping his morale. Crosshair didn’t mind it too much for now because not one clone in this cursed facility was in any shape or form to judge him in his misery. That is until the girl showed up. 

That child has been the sole cause for any misfortune he had to live though in the last couple of months he thought, but scolded himself to at least not make it show. She has enough to deal with too at the moment without having to suffer his endless wrath and sorrows. Still she cost him everything. His family, in more ways than one, his station, attempting to save her branded him a traitor and a VIP ticket to Hemlock’s test table and —

His mind went silent 

His brother Tech…. He had to give his life for hers. Skull smashed to pieces because they didn’t heed his warning. There's no way the batch can survive without its brain now. 

His mind whirled with thoughts like these locked in his dark cell all day. Some would say they were enough to drive a man insane but Crosshair already knew insane, and it wasn’t by his choice. Now he sees it, the effect that damn chip has had on him. How it made him turn on the only people who ever cared for him. He couldn’t turn on this one now. 

« Crosshair… »

« Crosshair ! I tried to come earlier, but there are too many guards watching me…»

He tried to calm his usually snappy tone for the sake of the girl who must be as terrified if not more than he is at the moment.

« You shouldn’t be down here at all » he tried to make her realize a little harsher than he wished.

It was foolish of her to put a target on her back by snooping around, on THEIR backs. In a situation like this where there is no hope, it’s best to comply and hope you die as painlessly as possible. Though that seemed unlikely for him at the hands of that sick scientist. But there might be hope for her yet if she stopped escaping her quarters.

The girl continued with her misplaced energy and optimism.

« How else are we gonna plan an escape ? »

An escape ?! Had she gone insane? Did she not realize they were in the middle of no where, in an unknown imperial playground, surrounded by guards with no moral compass except loyalty to the credits they earn at the end of each shift filled with screams of tortured people. Better to kill that idea in the egg before she gets too altruistic. 

The sniper resumed his usual cold and unapproachable attitude, hoping the girl would realize that planning an escape in a place such as this with only 1 ally was foolish already but with no one, it was simply stretching your neck to help the executioner do his job. 

« There is no WE, and there is no escape… I’ve already tried. » 

The young clone didn’t budge.

« Every stronghold has a weak point ! Maybe I could convince Emerie to help, she’s one of us. »

His brothers has taught her well he could tell, and by that he meant by filling her head with useless idiotic tactics and informations for a obviously changing galaxy. Besides if they shouldn’t trust one person in this Sarlac pit, it was HER. That double crossing scientist woman. Testing on people was bad enough but on her own « brothers » that was being a plain sociopathic hypocrite. 

« Not every clone is your ally ! » The sharpshooter reminded her.

« You trust too easily… »

He expected a reply and one sounding similar to that one too, so he doesn’t know why her words struck him so. 

« Maybe you don’t trust enough. » Omega replied with that same misguided hope as earlier.

An uncomfortable silence surrounded the two and then it started again : the shaking.

The stupid shaking he couldn’t stop. The best sniper in the whole GAR with quivering hands, how ironic. He felt uneasy having her see him like this. It was as if his own brothers could see how low he had fallen and for a prideful man like Crosshair, it was not an easy feat to overcome. 

« Crosshair ? »  The young girl asked after her gaze fell upon her brother hiding his hands from her. 

Not so long ago he would’ve snapped at her for simply seeing him in a state like this, desperately trying to steady his once reliable hands but now, he just didn’t have the heart or the energy to do so…

« Just… Go. » he simply said. 

« Before you make things worst for both of us… »

In this moment he came to the conclusion that yes, he didn’t want to be punished for the girl’s misbehaviour but he also mostly didn’t want her to suffer because of him. 

Knowing Hemlock, he wouldn’t even do it to punish Omega… but he would do unexplainable things to the girl to make HIM suffer. 

[valeriec80]

What I’m reading

So, I intended this blog to mostly be me talking about stuff that I had read or watched or whatever, with the idea that I could put tags in on tumblr, people would click, and then I would somehow convince them to read my books or something.

It made sense in my head.

But I’ve been striking out hardcore lately with books. I tried to get into this book about a girl who’s supposed to marry the king, but falls in love with his dragon-shifter bodyguard instead, which sounded amazeballs. It was by an author I had tried before and wasn’t real keen on, but I jumped in with both feet, and... nada. Just not dark enough for me. Just... too easy. Just... were I that dragon bodyguard, I would not fall in love with that girl. I don’t know. Something about me means I just don’t dig that author, which ANNOYS ME, because said author is fairly popular, and it would be fun to tag this post with her. I could mention her and do it anyway, but I don’t want her to be, like, googling herself and have this come up and give her a sad. I well know what that is like. I also read two sentences of a Karina Halle book, which excited me, because I thought she was doing epic fantasy, and it was URBAN FANTASY. *shakes fist at sky*

No, I am only in the mood for epic fantasy, thank you.

Or, as it happens, science fiction set on primitive worlds and written in the 90s-00s. I was in the mood for something Mercedes Lackey-like, but I was not pleased with her science fiction offerings, and I somehow ended up on Catherine Asaro’s kindle page, and then someone had reviewed The Quantum Rose as a Harlequin romance in space, and I was like, “Here for it!” (But then it was out of print, and though she does seem to have some kindle editions of her books for sale, like The Last Hawk, which I’m currently reading, that one isn’t, and I did have to pursue alternate means of procuring a copy. For shame, Catherine Asaro! If you are putting your out of print books out as ebooks, maybe do the one that won the Nebula?) Yes, I think I will tag Catherine Asaro in this post, so that if she googles herself, she’ll be like, “You whipper snapper author, get off my lawn” or something. Idk. 

Dear Catherine Asaro, You are my new hero. It’s a travesty your books are out of print. The world is not fair. Maybe one person will read this blog and buy a book, but don’t expect anything.

Where was I?

Okay, so she is GREAT! There’s this whole complicated backstory about the universe and the people who live there. The guys are metallic and they have metallic chest hair, and I’m just enamored with this, and it’s NOT really romance. It’s sci fi with a strong romantic element, but it’s not Harlequin at all. The climax in The Quantum Rose is not whether or not the H and h will get their shizz together and make it work, but a really tense almost courtroom drama thing? And the bad guy is soooo insidious. The female character in this reminds me of an Anne Bishop main character, like soooo innocent and sweet. Such a 90s thing, I think. I don’t mind this. 

This just goes back to the thing I said in the very first blog, where I am harder on indie books than trad books. Case in POINT. If an indie author had written The Quantum Rose, I would have bailed. It took me a good three chapters to even get into it. I was all, “This won the Nebula. It’ll be worth it. Push through!” Okay, to be fair. I did a good bit of pushing on that dragon book too. I tried, okay? Sigh.

Where was i?

So, I’m currently reading The Last Hawk, which is about a guy who is the metallic kind of guy and he crash lands onto this planet where the women are the warriors and the men are subservient and they all have these, like, harems and they play this game, which I first thought was like chess, but is turning out to actually affect the actual world, so it’s a substitute for warfare. And the main guy has so far been in one harem, and then tried to escape, and then got captured and sentenced to this awful jail, and then rescued, and put into a rival’s chess group of men, and I don’t have any idea what might happen next, and I love it so much!

I’m going to really shut up now. That was just a lot of babbling, and I don’t think any of it made much sense.

[wizkiddx]

unusable faces

i have exams hence why i needed to write something exceptionally cringe :)

PSA: this is completely inspired from one of my fave writers own blurb @blissfulparker​ --> completely recommend u go read hers its much better than anything i could ever write!!!! (and just her whole account) = link

Summary: pure exhaustion and mutual pining, Tom Holland x actress!reader

^(just thought this was cute, doesn't really fit aha but full credit to op!!)

A scheduling nightmare would be putting it lightly. Perhaps almost unavoidable but that didn’t make it any less of a hellish form a torture. Harry had very helpfully said it actually was a form of torture, that is sleep deprivation. Y/n loved her job - it was all she’d ever really wanted - yet that thought was quickly becoming not enough to get her through the day. Not when it felt like an interrogation tactic used by the CIA. 

To give a quick timeline of the past few days may give a little context:

Thursday - filming the fight scene all day plus an evening-turned-half-the-night-shoot due to some technically difficulties delaying the process.

Friday - flying to New York while doing read throughs of scenes for the next few days; followed immediately by getting glammed and filming the tonight show with Fallon; then a dash across town to the late late show with James Corden; then straight back on a flight to Atlanta that landed at stupid o’clock in the morning

Saturday - a full day of shooting in a mock grand central station set

The press trip to NY had been unplanned… to say the least. But the star of their studios other new release had taken ill - meaning they had slots booked on some of the biggest talk shows in America that would just be abandoned (angering the shows bookers too). It was a waste of perfectly good promo time and since the studio had their two other stars together doing a block of reshoots - it wasn’t a conversation. Much more a call demanding the two of them to be on the plane.

Normally this wouldn’t be such an unmanageable ask either, except the reshoot block was really rather time pressured. You see, the promo tour wasn’t far from beginning meaning they really needed the final film in the can. So really it was a bit of a mess. Just to free up that single day the two were in New York the whole schedule had had to be rejigged - in doing so they’d lost a rare day off too. It was just typical.  

The joys of success hey?

Well, that’s at least what Y/n was making herself think whilst her incredibly talented SFX artist was in the process of crafting a deep wound onto her upper arm. The reason why she would be ‘dripping with blood’ whilst at a train station was beyond Y/n to be honest - she hadn’t been allowed to read a lot of the script so even now as filming was drawing to a close, the story arc of the movie she was headlining was still a little ‘fuzzy’.

“So I watched your ‘spill your guts’ thing on YouTube” Ellie giggled whilst reaching over for more prosthetic putty- a technical term apparently

“I’m glad one of us enjoyed the experience” Y/n replied with a sigh, rolling her eyes at the mischievous smirk on her face - no doubt Ellie took great joy out of seeing her suffer through eating a thousand year old egg. Which Y/n swore the taste of was still in her mouth… and it seemed as though it’d never leave. 

“Oh don’t worry darling I did too” Nelli called over from the next chair along, where she was doing Tom’s makeup for the day of shoots. “Between that and the animals on Fallon, you made a hell of a lot of people laugh last night” Tom’s artist was referencing the fact one of Jimmys other guests was a zookeeper, so at the end of the interview he had you and Tom join in trying not to scream at the snakes and spiders.

“You mean laugh at us?” 

“Well of course darling!” Nelli exclaimed back in an overdramatic bronx accent making all three of the women burst out laughing, Ellie’s unceremonious snorts echoing through the trailer only egged them all on more.

Tom in response, who had otherwise been absent from conversation for the majority of the morning, exclaimed a curse and jumped up in his chair. While you and Ellie collected yourself, Nelli apologised to him.

“Oh sorry love, I’m interrupting your snooze with my uncontrollable comedic gift” She spoke sweetly, even if still taking the moment to flaunt to the other women, as she squeezed his shoulder compassionately.

“No no” Tom waved off her apology, attempting to rub his eye before Nelli swatted his arm away - a stern look for the risk of ruining all her hard work she’d put into making his face look half presentable. 

“I’m impressed you can sleep while they poke you with all these er instruments” Y/n added in, having only just realised Tom had been in a light sleep for god knows how long they’d been in that chair. It did seem a bit unlikely, being able to fall asleep as you were dabbed, prodded and brushed. 

“Maybe you should try though Y/n… your purple eye bags are proving a struggle even for me” Ellie quipped back, now it was Y/n’s turn to give the stern look. Tom took the explain though, shutting her off from whatever kindly meant insult she was about to throw back at her friend. 

“No normally never, I just….” He was cut off by an ear splitting yawn, appearing almost powerful enough to crack his jaw - which would be a disaster, for no one should ruin such a beautiful and sharp jaw line. “…uh-sorry. I just think I ended up taking my NyQuil and DayQuil the wrong way round in the madness of yesterday.” Only Tom, the poor kid often seemed to lacking in any form of common sense - even if those closest to him knew just how intellectual and passionate he could be about the right topic. Affectionately, Nelli scalded his idiocy by jokingly swatting his head with a little tut.

“I can’t believe your still standing then! I’m barely alive and I don’t have any sedatives in my system.” It was true, Y/n was at that stage where every part of her body felt ridiculously heavy… eyes included … eyes especially. 

“But I did sleep on the jet back while your stupid self was studying the script!” Tom replied with a pretty inarguable point - at the time he knew her actions were stupid;  when their flight took off at 11 PM he was certain that the most valuable asset to his ability to act in the reshoots today would be sleep - rather than character development. And he’d tried to convince Y/n that briefly, but gave up. She was bloody stubborn when she wanted to be. 

“Stop competing about who has it worse cos I think it’s me and Nell”Ellie announced - making Nelli agree empathically with her coworker, nodding her head as she looked first to Y/n in her chair then back at Tom.

“Yeh because we have to deal with your unusable faces!!”

After much sarcasm thrown back and fourth, the trailer slowly ebbed it’s way back into serenity and peace as both artists focused on their work. Once Nelli was done she excused herself, Tom staying in the chair in favour of studying (more like staring blankly) at the dialogue for this mornings scenes. His pretence didn’t last long though and while Ellie was busy adding the final touches of fake blood to the now almost completely believable gash that she’d crafted on Y/n’s arm - Y/n had her attention focused the opposite way.

At poor little Tom. He looked so childlike, his slightly puffy eyes looked as if they had weights tied to them - they way he was having fight against gravity to flutter his eyes open, before loosing the next second only for the process to repeat as they dragged downwards. The broad muscles of his neck occasionally seemed to occasionally let up a little, letting his head tilt slowly at first until it gathered enough momentum to throw him off balance. The then sudden movement of his head unconsciously pulling itself back in line caused his eyes to bolt open prior to the whole cycle repeating again. All Y/n wanted to do was let him lay down someone, her heart feeling a tug in her chest just seeing him like that. 

Ellie proclaimed her completion of the wound, leaning back to admire her work before looking to get an affirming nod from Y/n. Yet instead, she was too preoccupied gazing at the boy slouched across from them. “Someone seems a little distracted.” Ellie smirked, finally garnering Y/n’s attention, only feeling more and more smug watching a light tint appear on the actors cheeks. 

“I-well-no… we need to go.” Y/n ignored her words as though nothing had happened, instead rushing off the chair to get Tom out the chair and onto the awaiting set. They had places to be.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||| (bcos im lazy)

Honestly when the director, Ed, called for lunch break, it was pretty apparent to be purely as a compassionate gesture to Y/n and Tom. Both of them had tried so hard this morning to fully commit, even so they’d both been almost completely useless. Y/n kept missing cues whilst all Tom’s actions and lines where slow, dragged out and at times completely prompted from someone behind the cameras. 

So when the lunch break was called there was only one thing on Y/n’s mind and what sandwich was available in the mess tent was not it. Still standing on the set next to her fake holdall bag she looked toward Tom, who was pulling himself up to standing from the train station bench - the pace of his movement making him look more like an old man. 

“You good?” His answer was predictable. 

“I’m so fucking shattered”

Tom swore he’d never heard anything sweeter come out of Y/n’s pink lips than her next statement.

“C’mon I know somewhere we can lie down.”

Without any sort of thought Tom blindly agreed, nodding as he took her outstretched hand in his. The gesture in itself brought a fresh wave of comfort to his aching limbs and as his feet stumbled to catchup with her slight head start he leant the majority of his weight into their connected hands. 

Neither would admit it but they were ‘a thing’… whatever the hell that meant. It was clear as day to everyone and anyone that worked closely to the two but neither of them had ever broached the topic with each other. They’d worked on a few films together over the years; each time they got closer and closer to the point any job without the other simply wasn’t as good. It was scary though, especially for two actors in the prime of their careers. If they weren’t working the same film they’d likely be the opposite side of the world to each other most of the time - quality time together would be few and far between, Really their jobs didn’t suit dating at all, yet it would be perhaps easier if one half of it worked a ‘normal’ job. Something with consistency, a regular structure. A level of dependability that neither Y/n nor Tom could offer to the other. 

So it was terrifying, acknowledging the growth in their magnetic attraction to each other. Both were acutely aware that doing that, confronting their feelings, would most likely signal the beginning of the end. 

Although none of this stoped Y/n from returning the gesture, tilting her shoulder into Tom’s left side as they took slow steps through and then out the set building. She steered the two past the hair and makeup trailer and round into a store and extra equipment trailer. Tom tilted his head as she climbed the stairs whilst beckoning for him to follow - it didn’t seem like the most obvious choice. Rolling her eyes, Y/n explained.

“It’s where all the blankets and coats and kept for the raining scenes plusssss no one will disturb us in here.” Again Tom was not in a position to disagree, eyes drooping as his shoulders sagged to the floor. Right now he’d take anything. 

So he climbed up the stairs and shut the door behind him, just as Y/n flipped the light on. She was right, it was well equipped and with an almost mountainous supply of red blankets that normally the crew and extra would all be wrapped up in after the freezing rain scenes with all the ‘waterfall machines’ as Y/n called them. However it was also um…. It was cosy. “Oh I don’t think I realised how small it was” She chuckled lightly, since now the door was closed her back was pressed up against the far wall of cabinets and still her front was mere millimetres from Tom.

“I…I don’t mind… if-if you don’t?”

“I’m too tired to care” She giggled in response, and Tom , now with her seal of approval, immediately started ransacking the piled shelves for all their worth creating a floor carpeted in the pale red of the blankets, in an attempt to make it more cosy. Joining in, it was almost remarkable how quickly their bodies suddenly agreed to move, with the new promise of rest mere moments away. 

Once the trailer was fully drowned, Tom kicked off his costume shoes and threw his jacket off - it haphazardly landing by the doorway. Y/n copied him, leaving her stood up whilst he had the advantaged of already settling down on the floor, her standing and looking down at him.

The space between the two opposing shelving units was not close spacious enough for two people to lie down whilst keeping a respectable level of personal space. Suddenly feeling a wave of awkwardness, Y/n stayed standing, wringing her hands slightly - whilst fairly certain Tom could hear her heart running at 100 mph. 

“You er… gonna stay there or?” Tom, contrary to popular belief, wasn’t a complete idiot - he could see she was suddenly self conscious. He got it too - they’d never crossed this boundary of choosing to cuddle into each other. It had happened once of twice accidentally over there 2 years of knowing each other. Both of those times it was completely accidental, falling asleep watching a movie with a safe distance of space b between the two, only to find hours later their bodies almost completely intwined. Tom would be lying if he said that his heart didnt skip a beat when he had awoken to Y/n’s soft and gently breath fanning into his neck. He’d loved it, but understood that was unconsciously breaking down part of the wall they’d both been the constructors of.

For fear of getting hurt. 

So now, as Y/n awkwardly bent down and lay on her side, he thought it was imperative to make her feel comfortable. Naturally then, his arm slid round her shoulders and pulled her down toward his chest, releasing a little breath as he felt her relax, her legs slowly wrapping round one of his. 

“This okay?” He murmured, now into the crown of her head as she lay half on her side half on his chest. In reply she nodded into him and Tom couldn’t help but grin- unbeknownst to him but Y/n was doing the exact same thing. 

The peace lasted all of 3 seconds until she groaned again.

“What?” Tom enquired as she wriggled out his hold and stood up. Instead of replying though she just leant over and flicked the one harsh light bulb off making Tom chuckle as she fumbled her way back onto the padded floor in the darkness, earning a few grunts from both as she accidentally kicked Tom’s thighs or banged her head on one of the now empty shelves. Fumbling her way back into a comfortable position, occasionally cursing when she stubbed her toe- or Tom did when she accidentally elbowed him in the ribs. 

“Comfy?” Tom asked a little sarkily as he squeezed her a little more into his side.

“Mhmmmm… I’m gonna sleep for 100 years”

“Yeh me… me too”

And with that they both almost instantly and in complete unison sagged into each other and the blankets - the pent up stress and tension of the past few days ebbing away.

What the pair had neglected to remember was that sleeping for 100 years wasn’t really an option. The whole crew of 50 people, who wanted to restart filming after 45 minutes, had not been told about Y/n’s little hiding place. The pair were so completely safe in their own little cocoon of comfort they were completely oblivious to their teams calling there names more and more frantically. Completely oblivious to the game of hide and seek the situation had descended into, completely oblivious to Harrys natural annoyance as the director asked him for the whereabouts of the two stars - as though Harry was childminder to the pair of them.

It was Nelli who found them first. She’d and Ellie and Tom’s manager had all been recruited by Harry as part of the man hunt. Both girls, having seen first hand the state of the two this morning, were fairly certain they’d both crashed out somewhere. So Nelli, already with a sneaking suspicion, opened the door gently, her figure blocking the majority of the light from seeping through to the dimly lit inside. The sight she was met with had her actually pouting at the cuteness - and yes its a cringey word but also the only one appropriate.

Between bedding down and barely an hour later the two had managed to become impossibly tighter pressed to each other. Y/n’s face was pressed into the crook of Tom’s neck and his arms seemed to have pulled her on-top of him almost completely. Her left leg was hooked under his right, which was then sandwiched by his left too. They both looked so pure and innocent and god did Nelli know they both needed any extra time they could get.

Nelli cared a lot about Tom, she’d been working with him from the beginning, from the child star days to now. She cared about him like her very annoying surrogate son and she wanted to see him looked after. She also so completely wanted the two stars to stop pining after each other. Because frankly it was getting a little frustrating for everyone else. 

So she chose to tactically forget about her discovery, sneaking a photo on the sly before silently pulling the door closed and leaving them to their sleep. 

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 09/21 NXT 09/23 NXT UK 09/24 Smackdown 09/25 Clash of Champions 09/27 + Main Event 09/24

Raw:

Billie’s not wrong. None of these people are wrong. That title has fallen so fucking far since Becky held it, Jesus.

Interesting to see Billie Kay be somewhat (?) supportive of Peyton. Manager?

I implore women to stop using red eyeliner unless you’re trying to look possessed.

Oh at least Mickie’s gonna have her last match with her snazzy pants on.

God that theme music is so outdated.

If there was one person on the roster that could convince me they wrestled in the Diva’s era, it’d be Mickie James.

Beautiful Octopus, dare I say best in the division. Look at those crossed legs. Just beautiful, Zelina.

Man it was cool watching Zelina reverse the powerbomb attempt into a rollup, but Mickie couldn’t be bothered to get her shoulders down for a 2 count before the reversal. Shame.

Zelina needs an increase to her speed to pull off the style she’s going for, but it’s a fun style.

oof I think Mickie actually caught Zelina’s forehead with that high kick.

Seated Senton off the top rope is garbage and I hate it.

Lmfao Zelina won with a backstabber. She’s literally Sasha-lite. Okay.

Word was Bianca was the star of the pc combine, right? So if you wanna showcase her strength, do it against someone I fucking know lmao. Who was this bro? Of course she’s stronger than a nobody in the pc. Friggin Alexa Bliss can effortlessly give piggy back rides to Sheamus. That’s impressive, because I know how strong and big he is. This could’ve been done better is all I’m saying. Maybe do a sitdown interview with her pc peeps hyping her up, or show footage of her blowing everyone in the combine out the park. Idk.

Ruby stop hyping up Nia and Shayna individually, individually they suck lol lesbireal.

So did Ruby just give Liv her shirt? …You know what, it works, I’m not gonna dig into this.

I feel like all women use the same starting moves against Nia and it’s a little tired ngl. They do this headscissors into a standing crucifix hold, and then slide down to try and roll her up. Then she picks them up and headbutts them. Come on peeps.

Mk just throw Lana through another table, she’s as useless in the ring (kf wise) as Liv is on commentary (non-kf wise)

Let me rewind, how did Nattie get taken out this time? A punch again. COOL. Nattie confirmed worst tag partner in the history of the division.

Lmfao rip Lana. Bye.

Wow we just said fuck entrances huh? Ugh God. Imagine Becky not getting an entrance as a damn champion.

So Peyton forgoes jumping for the German suplex, which could’ve resulted in her landing on Asuka’s head, and her reaction is to laugh. Consummate professional. Becky Lynch’s optic cranial nerve injury (caused by a failed German suplex) called, it can’t seem to find the humor.

Idk what that double underhooked move was by Peyton, but it was nice.

What bothers me about Peyton’s spinning heel kick, is as high as she gets it, she only hits people with her calf. Awkward to see.

That attempted transition into the Asuka Lock was... something.

Highlight: Lana going through the table

---

NXT:

Did Tegan say “why me” to Candice fucking her knee up with a metal pipe? Somebody get this girl some tissues.

Haha watching Tegan writhe in pain is funny. Candice gets points. And I do not like giving Candice points.

Really appreciate Rhea’s theme after hearing so much generic garbage lately. She’s so done with nxt as a performer, she has passed literally all of them by.

Not to be that person, but seeing so many people in the ring together bothers me. If one person was sick, literally all of them are sick now. It’s just kinda yikes.

Did they forego having a crowd? If so, wise. There’s enough ppl in the ring and at ringside.

Rhea fucking yeeted that girl into the barrier lmaooo.

“...Marina Shafir who’s done some great things on Raw Underground recently,” lmao sure.

The absolute half-assed attempt by that girl to pull herself up before Rhea booted her down to the floor was questionable.

So adding all these random peeps from the pc to this battle royal was done solely to have Raquel and Rhea flex for their feud in 4 months, huh.

Kacy does cool shit, wbk lmao. Gets kicked out, lands on her back, rolls into a handstand, rotates, pulls herself up into the ring using her feet on the ropes; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, pulls herself up, uses the plexiglass to help balance herself, jumps onto the stairs; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, stands on Kayden’s shoulders and gets chauffeured back to the ring. Brilliant. Would be overkill in a Royal Rumble, but it works here.

R&R eliminate each other/themselves together. Fitting. Dakota “help me I’m useless on my own” Kai is shook.

Why is Indi in the top 5? Or top 7? How is this girl so damn prestigious??

Kacy really just slung herself around the ringpost. I’m becoming a fan of her antics/performances in multiwomen matches.

I see Shotzi’s character is, “I come so close yet cannot manage to touch the gold.” I feel for her... cuz I can’t stand Candice.

Boooo

I love how Io carries herself. She’s a shining example of not allowing her heritage to hold her back or make her feel unimportant. She responds in Japanese, and without missing a beat, translates in perfectly spoken and quick English. Never dances, never smiles, never looks like a chump. Serious and answers the damn question. She gets points.

Highlight: Kacy shenanigans

---

NXT UK:

Lol I love KLR so much. Just ducks out of the ring the first time she’s bested.

“KLR is well versed in mental manipulation,” that she is. She’s honestly a top competitor in that sense; equal to the likes of Sasha and Charlotte when it comes to psychology.

Piper’s got power. Ragdolling KLR here.

That’s right, performing with Charlotte Flair at wm is an accolade one can only hope to achieve (I’m annoying I know) no but seriously, KLR vs Becky Lynch? Take my money.

Nice Superkick, nice Tornado ddt.

Dear ref, stop yelling at her and restart the count. Dweeb.

Lmao self inflicted wreckage of her knee. 

This ref is a walking headache. We’re now getting into the autumn of overbooked women’s matches. And UK’s first title match back. Yikes.

That senton was awkward and looked painful af for KLR’s neck. If you’re gonna risk that move while selling a leg injury, make sure you have more space to correct your landing.

I almost wish that turnbuckle came undone naturally because KLR is already such a good seller, but I’m gonna assume this is a worked move since it’s been left exposed.

Yeah see there are issues with that spot. Positives: KLR didn’t purposefully undo the turnbuckle, so it’s not on her to give another title match; the spot has potential, as I’m guessing that would be genuinely painful. Negatives: Piper is too big of a woman to hit the lower turnbuckle doing the cannonball, so she ended up hitting the middle... which was padded. Good ending on paper if you don’t do the equations, but poor execution. Not Piper nor KLR’s fault though.

Slow pacing and I hate overbooked garbage, but this obviously isn’t the only match they’re having so *shrug*

Highlight: Clean tornado ddt, and I do love KLR’s selling

---

Smackdown:

Lol Bayley has her chair. She automatically gets a point every time I see it.

Top of the ramp this time? Okay, sure.

Stop cutting to the fancams, production. I don’t care about their reactions.

A fine enough promo to move along both of her angles, but production sucks. Wbk though.

“...one of the most complex personalities,” which personality of Alexa’s are we referring to, though?

Their timing on her pyro was off and now I’m sad. The pops during the breakdown leading into the fountains are fucking amazing and honestly cannot be topped by any of the other women.

When did Alexa stop wearing her gloves to the ring? Probably when she turned face. Shame.

She just called Lacey bitter, southern tea, and you know what? What a fucking drag. Imagine bitter southern tea. As someone who was raised in the south, that is a disgrace to southern tea. Sweet sun tea or pass.

Look at Alexa: selling Lacey’s strength, full of agile speed, and yet here’s Lacey not even bothering to put her shoulders down for her pin attempt. SAD.

A problem I consistently have with SD in particular is how they set up commercial breaks. They always do something dramatic, cut to commercial, come back and shit’s always completely different. How you gonna cut from Alexa leading and hearing the Fiend’s laugh, to return to Lacey in charge ???

Dear Cole, why are you calling her Alexis lol. Like I know that’s her real name but, hello??

oof Alexa’s midsection is beet red.

Lacey has not been putting on a “clinic” stop tossing that term around, Cole. Good bump by Alexa though.

Love how Lacey doesn’t mind landing flat when her moonsault misses. Respect. Her and Charlotte both eat that so perfectly.

LOVE how the monitors of people turned into Fiend’s face. POINTS.

It’s like she’s reverted back to her heel persona. This is literally 2016 Bliss, right? Right??

Roman is a large, strong, intimidating guy... but holy shit the visual of 5′1 Alexa staring daggers into the back of his head is intense af. I almost complained that he cut off her exit, but well done with the continuity.

Highlight: I’m really digging the Alexa/Fiend story

---

Clash of Champions:

Loving the red roots, hate the eyeshadow.

See, if Asuka wants to fuck around in the ring, you won’t hear me complain. I just wish she took her non-wrestling segments more seriously.

The patience Asuka gave Zelina to set up the arm kick was dumb.

“A hard arm bar by Asuka,” he says, even though her legs were completely bent. Easy on the credit given plz.

Zelina telegraphs too much. None of the bumps she takes ever catch me by surprise.

In the spirit of being fair, put your fucking shoulders down and let her attempt a pinfall, Asuka.

Haha Sasha-lite did meteora in the corner.

Nice roll into a kick, half point for Zelina.

No you don’t get to sell frustration or disbelief yet, that’s not buyable.

I don’t know wtf Zelina was going for with that counter before the Asuka Lock, but honestly idc. Could’ve been a kickoff match indeed. State of Becky’s title btw.

Every week it’s the same shit with Asuka. She gets on the mic, speaks Japanese, barely accomplishes anything, then gets interrupted/slapped/attacked... with dancing and smiling inbetween. I really wish she was more like Io.

Nikki isn’t “medically cleared to compete”, and the tag team titles aren’t being defended. My memory is fuzzy but wasn’t there some covid concerns going around back then? Was that just baseless speculation?

Love that Bayley turned this into an opportunity to be a bigger douche than she already was lol.

IS SHE DOING A VICTORY LAP LMAO

I want to hate this from a smarky “give other women a chance” perspective, but Bayley is an ass and this is great for Asuka to build credit as a face, and after being made to look foolish yet again. Lesgo.

Lol sounded like Bayley said, “you think you can cuck me?” I’m sure she didn’t. I’m choosing to believe she did though.

I never know exactly who to blame when Asuka’s Codebreaker looks ugly, but I swear Charlotte is the only one it looks impactful with. Sell job isn’t the problem, but taking that actual move is always dicey af.

Great kick by Asuka. Rekt.

Bayley says nah fuck this rofl. Fair ending; a fun little sprint of meaningless jabs.

“Chairwoman of SD” I like that too, Graves. Points to you.

LMAOOO Bayley set that shit up perfectly kekekek what’s up Sasha.

She be looking fucking incredible, but that neckbrace is a mega bummer.

Character wise, I’m surprised Bayley’s choosing to dole out punishment rather than taking her title and bolting.

Welp maybe she should have, Sasha going to town lmao.

oof peep that red line going down Bayley’s arm. eesh. Welts all over her back.

Highlight: Sasha beating the shit out of Bayley with a kendo stick

---

*BONUS*

Main Event:

You don’t pan the camera over to fucking commentary during Bianca’s entrance. Do better @ production.

Ruby puts her confidence in Liv even though everybody knows Bianca is winning this match lmao.

LOVE Liv’s boots.

like 20 seconds into the match and it’s already 10x better than the Bianca vs Billie Kay one. Don’t even waste a spot on Main Event for Billie Kay. No, I’m not not sorry for saying that.

It’s not that I hold issue with Bianca’s showboating or mannerisms, but it’s all so much more fitting for a heel.

Beautiful stalling suplex, but Liv is rather small.

Beautiful distance on that dropkick to Liv. Liv gets points for throwing herself so far.

We have enough women who rip their shirts off deep into matches, me thinks. Don’t need it from Liv as well.

Momentum could’ve been split better, but that was a decent match.

---

*Clash of Champions would be my highlighted event mostly thanks to Bayley, but if that’s a cop out, I’ll give a slight nod to Smackdown’s handling of Alexa.

[bentacles-hargreeves]

Remus’ List of Fanfic Favorites - @tuafeedbackfest​

Thank you to all the writers in this amazing fandom who worked hard on making and sharing their stories with us, without you the fandom wouldn’t be the same!

Short/Oneshot:

Because I Could Not Stop for Death, by shadowlancer_95 (Teen and Up) “No matter what anyone said, he isn’t suicidal. Not really. Or, they've all been given a second chance, not just to stop the apocalypse, but to live their lives once again. This time, he's determined to not to be the useless weak link that he was in their previous timeline.“ 13,128 Words.

Salt and the Sea by ObliqueOptimism (Not Rated) “After more than a decade of homelessness and drug abuse, it's not a surprise Klaus' appetite ended up beyond wrecked, and his body showed it. It's not like he was ever that great at taking care of himself anyway. Five decides to fix that.“ 2,683 Words.

i saw you die (and your love cry) by MildeAmasoj (Teen and Up) “Ben Hargreeves sits beside his brother as he opens the briefcase and disappears. Ben waits for him at the bus stop, but when Klaus comes back he’s not alone, he’s covered in blood, and only Ben can see him. Or, AU in which Dave survives but Klaus doesn’t, and they both travel to 2019, but Klaus is a ghost and Dave doesn’t know. Ben does, but the only person he can talk to is just as dead as him.” 3,858 Words.

That Creepy Kid by brionylarkin (Teen and Up) “Klaus is creepy. He's always been creepy. Sometimes this helps people, sometimes it hurts them. Either way, Klaus meets a lot of people and has a huge effect on every single one of them, Or, 5 times Klaus is creepy without realizing, +1 time he admits it.” 5,854 Words.

leave the light on by slytherincosette (Not Rated) “It’s the middle of the night (if his calculations are correct, which they very well may not be, but hey, at least it’s dark out), but the lights are on. One in the foyer, a few peaking through the tiny kitchen windows, one in Vanya’s room and-- And one in his room. Holy shit, Five thinks. I did it. I’m home. - Five spends four years in the apocalypse before he manages to make it home. Luckily, there are people who have spent every night since he left waiting for him to come back.”  1,741 Words & sequel.

Chaptered/Long Fic:

Comes And Goes (In Waves) series, by hujwernoo (Mature) “The apocalypse happens, Five arrives in the rubble, and his entire family is dead. However, one of them has power over ghosts. And even if being dead seriously sucks sometimes, Klaus is going to be there for his brother.“ Complete, 10 Works & 257,180 Words.

Neon Groves, by LiviJoyann (Mature) “Klaus Hargreeves travels back to the Vietnam War and falls in love with Dave... and we've seen almost none of it so far. Enjoy a full following of Klaus's time in 1968 from the first kiss to the first "I love you", and ultimately, to the end (with just about everything in between).” Complete, 30 Chapters & 200,000 Words.

The Only Hope For Me Is You, by TwistedIllusions (Mature) “What if Dave never died in Klaus's arms? What if, instead, he convinced Klaus to quit taking drugs while still in 1968; 'causing him to start his withdrawals while he was still in Vietnam. If Klaus was too sick to fight, he and Dave would have never made it to the front lines. Meaning they discovered Klaus's cancer sooner—Was it soon enough to save his life?” In-Progress, 19/20 Chapters & 97,295 Words. (tw: Cancer)

The Moon Laughs, by Lady_Origami (Teen and Up) “After attempting to transport all of his siblings back in time, Five wakes up to a familiar scene. Again. And again. And again. He doesn't know why he keeps being transported back to the day of his father's funeral, but he is determined to not waste it now that he has the foresight to prevent the apocalypse. He just wished he didn't feel so alone doing it all over again.“ In-Progress, 24/? Chapters & 89,302 Words.

Crash The Cemetery Gates, by Arowen12 (Mature) “Klaus straightened slightly as he remembered. Right the Apocalypse. Vanya. Five. Time-travel. Thirteen again. Klaus was fine. He could do this. Stay sober, stay clean. For Vanya, for Ben. Dave. What could go wrong? Everything. But everything had already gone wrong before so Klaus at least was prepared this time.“ Complete, 9 Chapters & 76,926 Words.

Favorite Writers:

VeteranKlaus

ObliqueOptimism

Intheflowers

Siriuspiggyback

Hujwernoo

Self-Promo:

this is the beat of my heart (the fear of falling apart), by TotallynotRemus (Teen and Up) “Sometimes you have that realization that things are worse than you’d previously thought, and you have to wonder how it got that far. Or, six times the Hargreeves stumbled upon Klaus’ growing addiction, and one more.“ Complete (with a sequel planned), 7 Chapters & 6,085 Words.

Nobody Forgets Their First Time, by TotallynotRemus (Teen and Up) “There’s blood on his underwear and bruises on his skin and Klaus doesn’t remember how they ended up there.“ Oneshot, 1,859 Words. (tw: implied/referenced sexual assault)

Garbage Baby by TotallynotRemus (Teen and Up) “Klaus stares at the direction of where the noise is coming from, before carefully approaching the apparent source of the muffled cries that only get louder the closer he gets: another dumpster, further into the piss-covered alleyway and surrounded by trash bags and empty cardboard boxes. He shares a look with Ben, opening the lid to reveal— A baby. Or, in which Klaus unexpectedly becomes a parent and has to deal with the challenges of raising a child on his own.“ In-Progress, 1/? Chapters & 2,549 Words.

bad habits are the hardest to break by TotallynotRemus (Teen and Up) “So as it turns out, actually staying clean for longer than a few days is a lot harder than Klaus had first anticipated, especially when he hasn’t been fully sober since he was twelve years old and found out about the sweet, sweet numbness that came with a few painkillers after he broke his jaw playing around with mom’s high heels— even if, technically, he’s thirteen again and his body doesn’t yet know anything harder than weed, booze and a few pills now and then. To say things haven’t been easy for Klaus is almost a hilarious understatement, but he’s trying, alright? Swear down, honest to god, trying. That has to count for something.“ Oneshot, 5,876 Words.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Four (23.52% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Loads of fun, though tonally dissonant; works best on first viewing. Easily the superior film of the Thor franchise, though that’s not a huge achievement considering its predecessors.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Sigh.

Female characters:

Hela.

Scrapper 142 (I know, she is credited as Valkyrie, but since the name is never used to address her in the film it doesn’t count by the rules of this blog; if she didn’t happen to be referred to by her scrapper number a few times, she wouldn’t count as a named character at all).

Topaz.

Natasha Romanoff.

Male characters:

Thor.

Surtur.

Skurge.

Loki.

Stephen Strange.

Odin.

Volstagg.

Hogun.

The Grandmaster.

Carlo.

Korg.

Bruce Banner.

Heimdall.

OTHER NOTES:

The use of Immigrant Song is my favourite thing about this movie, to be honest. I don’t mean that as an insult, it’s just such a good choice.

The inclusion of Doctor Strange in this film feels like a pointless misstep, a distraction at what is really a vital early point in establishing tone, especially considering this useless scene is what leads us in to...

...the literal death of Odin and introduction of Big Bad Hela, all of which should be emotional and intense and is instead flat and dissonant in the extreme. Watching this for the first time, I was very concerned that the whole film was just gonna end up gimmicky and soulless. While it does pick up, I was also not wrong about that early assessment.

Not that I was attached to Thor’s friends from the previous films, but they sure do just kill them off without fanfare, except for Sif who just doesn’t appear at all (logically, we should assume she dies off-screen, otherwise there’s no reason for her not to be up-front with Thor at the end of the movie). Fandral doesn’t even get a line in before he croaks, that’s how irrelevant these franchise-veteran characters are. Emotional engagement in plot and character is for chumps, anyway.

*whispers* Jeff Goldblum is here.

“Piss off, ghost!”

Hulk reveal is pretty solid, if you manage not to have been spoiled (a tall order, since it was in the promos).

Heimdall is still the MVP of the Thor franchise.

Can’t believe it took this long for any movie to squeeze some real fun and heart out of the Hulk character. This is way better than embarrassingly forcing a love match on him.

The valkyrie-battle memory is soooo good-looking.

This movie is too recent to be using the word ‘gypsy’...

Thor’s story about Loki pretending to be a snake when they were kids is the good shit.

But, Immigrant Song is still the most inspired choice of the film. Not sorry.

So, this is one of those movies which I felt was pretty over-hyped, to be honest. It is great fun, don’t get me wrong, it’s fresh and hilarious and subversive and way the Hell better than the previous Thor films, plus it has a great cast and strong visuals and they used Immigrant Song really effectively...but the tone of the film is an absolute fucking mess, the plotting is a shambles, and there’s nowhere near as much heart and weight underpinning it all as what there should be for a movie involving the near-total destruction of an entire civilisation. The majority of the movie is handed over to a shenanigan-heavy side-plot of no consequence to the central conflict, while the central conflict - LITERAL RAGNAROK - is relegated to a handful of scenes sprinkled across the film, obliterating any chance of it seeming meaningful or even particularly serious. The strongest point of the story is the final act, once Thor and company finally get to Asgard to confront Hela, but the narrative doesn’t earn that strong finish; it just goes to show how much more engaging the rest of the film could have been if they had stayed on track.

This is a big part of why this movie - while a delightful surprise on first viewing - doesn’t age particularly well on repeat; this was my fourth time through, and by the third quarter, as Sakaar draaaagged through its roster of jokes and pratfalls, my attention span was waning fast. Even if the entire garbage-planet sidebar was not distracting from what should have been a very serious main plot, I’m not sure it would remain engaging long-term, since it is rather spare and low on emotional/character investment; it’s not a pitfall of comedy that has to exist (heavily-emotional and/or dark comedies are definitely a real thing), but unfortunately, this is not a movie that is very interested in what has come before it, and it expresses that disinterest by neglecting any element of the established Thor mythology which might have brought this plot a sense of meaning. As such, rather than feeling like ‘the Thor movie that finally got it right’, it’s more like a reboot, with old characters unceremoniously ditched and any sense of purpose or import in old story threads or histories gone right alongside Asgard itself.

I’ve seen people praise this film for its ‘anti-Imperialism, anti-colonialism’ message, but I feel it’s a point weakly made onscreen; any depth to that argument would require a more sincere effort from the script in addressing those scant Asgard scenes, and as such, I feel that this element - though it isn’t completely wishful thinking - is much more in the eye of the beholder than it is a function of the narrative itself. The attempt to engage with any thoughtful discussion on Asgard’s legacy is a swift casualty of the film’s overall superficiality, just the same as the devastation of Asgard and the decimation of its population is blithely underplayed because, hey, Thor vs Hulk is worth way more attention than genocide, right? It’s that tonal dissonance in the two pieces of the plot which keeps me from really relaxing and enjoying the lightness, because that lightness is both excessive and out-of-place; I feel uncomfortable being asked to just shrug and go with it, I want to be emotionally involved and moved by the plight of the Asgardians, and instead I’m stuck watching Thor get a haircut and an eyeful of Hulk dick. Under almost any other circumstances, I would be all about a hard-comedy version of Thor, especially after the generic drudgery of the earlier installments in the franchise, but at the same time as Ragnarok? Not so much.

That said? This film is definitely not without quality. Comedic quality, for sure (anything with Taika Waititi’s name attached is worth a look), and there really are some great casting flourishes (though I maintain disappointment that the Asgard plot is so undersold, because it means Karl Urban and especially Cate Blanchett are under-utilised); for the interests of this blog, it’s that Scrapper 142 aka Valkyrie who forms the highlight (and she’s a worthy highlight without the context of this blog, too). Valkyrie’s drunk, angry sauntering and her snappy disregard for Thor’s righteous pontificating positions her within an archetype normally restricted to male characters only, too loose and unseemly for a female character, who might be found dislikeable and (horror of horrors) too sloppy to be sexy, whereas a man in the same archetype is funny, a ‘lovable asshole’, and the perception of his appearance is not tied up in his behaviour the same way nor is he under the same pressure to prioritise his appeal for the audience in the first place. Angry male drunkards who begrudgingly tag along with the protagonist in the end because they’re surly but not bad, those are a dime a dozen, but a woman in the same position? A rare gem indeed. And Valkyrie is more than just a fresh twist on an old cliche; her personality is grounded, it has a relatable simplicity (disillusionment with a side-order of survivor’s guilt), and there’s a confidence about the way she and the unspoken parts of her life are presented, without need to force a connection with Thor and his personal plight in order to justify Valkyrie’s actions or relevance to the plot. She’s an entirely self-contained character who could just as easily have the story to herself with no further mention of Thor et al., and that’s the hallmark of any well-constructed character: the ability to stand alone.

As a whole, this movie is far from bad - when I call it overrated, I am very much talking about the fact that it’s mostly a string of shenanigans with minimal narrative underpinning, and while that’s not a terrible thing in itself, I do think the hype around this movie implied that it had something more to offer than just laughs and a retro look. For me personally, the lack of emotional engagement and character stakes is close to a fatal flaw, and so while I enjoy this movie on a superficial level, it gives me nothing I need in order to really dig it (for others, obviously, this is not a problem). It always rubs me the wrong way to see something completely disavow previous chapters in the same story - there’s a big difference between developing an idea in a new direction, and simply ditching whatever you didn’t like about what came before - and I would have preferred to see this film make its changes with at least a modicum of respect for the foundations it is building upon (basic as the previous Thor films were, they weren’t catastrophic embarrassments). And yes, ultimately, the burying of the Ragnarok plot under a pile of Planet Garbage (feat. Jeff Goldblum) is just a little unforgivable in my mind, and it’s the first thing I think of whenever this film pops up; I really, really wish that Ragnarok were not part of this plot at all, that the Sakaar part of the story (i.e. the part that The Powers That Be were actually invested in, clearly) formed the bulk of the second film in the Thor franchise instead, since that movie basically sucked and took itself too seriously, and then the Thor film which took itself seriously could have been actually about Ragnarok. Basically, I wish that Marvel had gotten their shit together sooner rather than later with this part of the franchise, because while this worked out fine for them monetarily, narratively it’s just not a step I can get behind.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph, do you know any good kid Johnlock fic? Like they know each other as kid or their mom are friends?

Hi Nonny!

Ah, I only know a couple that are sort of related:

With All My Heart by QuinnAnderson (E, 19,257 w. || Red Marks / Soulmates || Magical Realism, Growing Up, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love) – AU in which every time a person falls in love, a red line like a tally mark appears on their wrist. Sherlock is determined to keep himself from ever gaining one of these marks for fear that love will corrode his mental faculties. Then he meets John Watson.

The Swan Triad by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers' attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

I also have this old “community recs” post, and this shameless self promo:

Do You Wanna Study Together? by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 824 w. || Kidlock, POV Sherlock, Different First Meeting, Fluff) – All he wanted to do was to be left alone and study in peace. Part 1 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Sorry I’m rather useless on this one otherwise D: Please, friends, if you have any kidlock fics, let us know! 

[lacrossepapi]

Self promo tag game!

tagged by @neglectedtuesday

Rules: Post the first lines of your last 10 fics, and tag 10 people

As always read the tags before you read the fics. 

Here’s eight of my posted works and a sneak peek at two of my steter week fics just for fun! 

Surprises| steter| 2664 (Posting at the end of July!)

The first thing stiles hears outside of his own mind is a deep velvet voice saying, “Here take this." 

He didn’t know what "this” was but he attempted to reach out with an open hand to take whatever it was. He tried to open his eyes but every time he did pain shot through his entire body.

Once Bitten twice Shy | Steter| 3265 (posting at the end of July!)

“It’s not a good idea.” 

“We have to rebuild.” 

“We don’t have to have an emissary.”

Duty and Love| steter| 7135

The McCall’s and the Hale’s had long been allies, so long in fact that many bloodlines had joined over the generations. The war that erupted following the murder of King Michael’s eldest son by a bloodline purist pitted families and friends against one another, in what would soon be named The Bloody War.

A Kick in the Teeth| Steter| 1258

Gerard had been beating him for awhile now, apparently asking the man how he felt about his daughter seducing a mutt was a good idea. The angrier Gerard got the louder he yelled as he wailed on Stiles, and the more likely that one or more of the hunters watching or listening would take pity on the defenseless child being brutalized.

Trials and Tribulations| steter| 5113

“Don’t touch him.” Stiles’ voice cut through the various sounds of demons and wolves clashing.

Of Gods and [the] Monsters [they are]| steter| 2934

“Stiles!”

The young god of mischief and retribution giggled delightedly to himself as he slipped into the shadows behind a nearby pillar. The only ones that could track him down once the shadows enveloped him were the Hades bound death gods, and they never hung around Olympus long enough to even care that he was hiding from punishment.

Changes| steter| 1347

Stiles’ life had went to shit right after his sixteenth birthday. His only defense wash his quick wit and all the useless knowledge he’d accumulated over the years about mythology and folk tales. It’d been that no longer useless knowledge that’d saved the pack time and time again, which is why he should’ve been able to read the signs sooner.

Warmth| steter| 2139

The Christmas season was here and Stiles was having more and more problems with his huge crush on Peter Hale. As the nights got colder Peter’s wardrobe shifted from attractive v-necks and dark jeans to soft looking warm sweaters and light wash jeans that showed just how tight they were much more clearly.

Hold Your Devil by His Spoke| steter| 3099

The earth here still remembered his presence, the branches gently caressing him as he treaded softly underneath. The Beacon Hills Forest Preserve would always remember him and the taste of his family’s blood, though it was different now, changed forever by the feet of strangers. He found himself growling at the amount of garbage he could smell in his homeland.

Don’t Let Me Freeze| sterek| 5206

Stiles sighed into his coffee, holding the warm cup more than actually drinking the scalding liquid inside. The slate gray scarf around his neck did nothing to stop his eyes and nose running from the sharp ice cold wind. 

I tag: @hisaribi and anyone else who wants to share!! 

[ngame989]

I know that Tom took the whole kiss situation from Marco in such a mature way, but what if Tom is bottling up his emotions that his best friend kissed her boo. I have a strong feeling he is gonna let his anger out at some point (probably when he's in his Underworld home). After Meteora, I expect him to be upset about it, not furious. It would be wrong if he spent the entire S4 being uncomfortable/furious about the kiss (if he still wants to be with Star forever) and pull a "Stump Day" on Marco.

When I said, pull a “Stump Day” on Marco, I meant he will be so angry about, he actually wants to pound Marco so hard he’ll burn to a crisp. Example. “You called me a bad boyfriend, so you kissed Star to get back at me after beating you up on Stump Day? I’m not breaking up with her. I’ll still be her boyfriend. You’re a useless squire. I will burn you.” However at this point, he is nowhere near this now. But I like to see a proper end to TomStar and Starco to happen with everyone being satisfied (2/2)

Yea, and we’re gonna get that proper end. Tom may have hurt feelings, sure, but I don’t think it’s bottled up. If anything, it’s the opposite: Is Another Mystery showed a Tom who was sort of bottling up and dwelling on feelings of comparison with Marco, but he had a bunch of heartfelt moments in Divide/Conquer of self-reflection and recognition of the importance of Marco’s friendship to him as he was working to resolve those negative emotions. We have already seen, 100%, with no room for doubt, that Tom is truly valuing his friendships with Star and Marco as more important to his life and his happiness than his role as boyfriend and the resulting insecurity over it. Again, I say more important because this doesn’t mean Tom has absolutely zero feelings for Star left or anything, and I am sure that the conversation he and Star have will involve some of that, but we already know what both of them value most and this will guaranteed result in both of them wanting and deciding to break it off for all their best interests and happiness. 

I get it, it’s been many many months of hiatus and your idle mind is wandering and worrying about the future, been there done that. Still doing that, although way less so after rewatching the show, but will definitely do it more when promos start. But this type of worry simply isn’t one to have, and it’s not something I’m going to consider any further. This is my attempt at a teaching moment to just drill into the heads of anyone willing to listen that what happened in canon is meaningful and guides the future. Do I know exactly where Moon is right now? Do I know how the Eclipsa plot is gonna pan out? Do I know the precise episode synopsis for the one where Tom and Star break up? Do I know what Star is gonna eat for breakfast the 5th Tuesday after Conquer? Fuck no! There’s a lot of things no one can know, and many of those things are interesting discussion topics that no one is having because they’re all too busy freaking out three times a week over whether Starco will ever happen or whether Tom is going to spiral into a depression over the LOVE OF HIS LIFE BEING STOLEN FROM HIM that grinds the show to a halt for 2/3 of a season or the planet Earth being destroyed by Overlord Daron from her galactic throne as she maniacally cackles over Jackie’s corpse and Marco being a bad son and brother for not saving his family or some shit, I don’t fucking know. I’ve seen weirder than this. That’s really all I have to say on this from now on.

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Never Been Blissed”

Written by: Jake Goldman, Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: John West, Alicia Chan, Angela Zhang, Caitlin Vanarsdale

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Yeah, it's not much of a blessing.

A decade ago, the Professor, out of jealousy of another scientist who did the same thing, concocted the original, and most powerful Powerpuff Girl. Her name was Blisstina Francesca Francia Mariam Alicia Utonium, or Bliss for short! She's the most powerful Powerpuff Girl ever, but she causes problems because she can't control her powers. Ultimately, she has to learn to not try so hard, and soon she would be moving entire planets back into orbit!

No, this is not an excerpt from a fanfiction, this is an official character from a official reboot. Because of the fans' frothing demand for new Bliss, Cartoon Network decided that the world needed a second Bliss episode.

Well, maybe that's not entirely the story. This episode had one scene already ready to go by the end of 2017 to be featured in a promo dedicated to 2018. Either the draft to air for this show is extremely short for an animated cartoon, or the crew and/or Cartoon Network already assumed that Bliss was going to be a beloved new character and greenlit another episode. I have more than a few hunches that it is the latter.

While her first special was a 50% mess, I would be lying if I said I was not interested to see what happened to Bliss. Bliss isn't in my top 5 worst characters. To make a long story short, I wish I could expect better. To make this short story long, let's get into the episode.

The episode starts with a janitor talking to his mop about how the kids these days make such a mess, comparing it to a meteor hitting the ground. Sure enough, a meteor hits the school. Nobody reports on this meteor hitting a random school, and nobody seems to care about it. Speaking of not caring, this janitor does not really do much and actually disappears halfway through the episode, only offering a few attempts at humor and nothing else. This is something the episode does a lot.

We immediately cut to the Powerpuff Girls home the next morning, I assume, where Blossom is making a batch of cookies for the upcoming Spring Fling. Because she is a nerd, these are soy mash cookies that taste horrific. Before we can get an awkward yet fitting scene where the Professor tries to lie to keep his children's spirits up, the door bursts open. Literally.

Bliss is back from space, and my standards were so low that I was surprised to not see Bliss be on Earth with no explanation whatsoever. Bubbles immediately wants gifts, and she gets one: a wanted poster with a picture of an alien named Sporde. While she was in space, she was hunting down this alien, and it happened to crash land right near the school.

The Professor decides to join in, too, as he just got a job as a substitute teacher! He wants to shape those young minds, and he learns that he's just out of touch with today's cool youth. You're better off not knowing what the self-proclaimed "King Cool of Daddy-O Street" does in this episode, it never leads to anything funny. Add him to the list of useless characters in this episode, alongside that janitor.

Speaking of "out of touch with our cool youth", we get another potential plot alongside the cookies and the Sporde: Bliss has never went to school. This plot is immediately thrown out when all the popular girls accept her because she has cool hair and a wicked dress. The Powerpuff Girls have that same wicked dress; I guess it is all about those...thigh-to-knee socks? White pants? They still never really explain what those are.

After that plot was wrapped up, and thrown downtown into the nearest garbage can, we go back to the “Powerpuff Girls trying to look for Sporde” plot. Buttercup hangs Barry upside down, dropping his lunch money and candy. Bubbles literally just pounces on Big Joey. One will never believe who Blossom gets to fool around with with far more time than the other two!

Of course, good ol' Jared Shapiro. His last major appearance had him be this awkward nerdy friend, but he's back to being the generic love interest brick here. Just look at how subtle this romantic plot is displayed.

Blossom: Jared, if you're not an alien, then you'll eat these cookies and tell me you love me...uh, I mean, them!

Jared Shapiro: (completely avoiding to acknowledge...anything) Yummers!

Yuck-ers. There is some good news: while everyone else manages to survive Blossom's cookies, Jared is not so lucky. Blossom asks him if he wants seconds, not realizing that her soy cookies just make Jared have a bad reaction.

No, really, Jared falls to the ground and remains nearly motionless in a pit of his own drool. This is the last time he ever appears in this special, not even appearing in the big dance. Good, the less needless romance scenes, the better. Blossom decides to take this as a no, not really worried about it. Being oblivious appears to be a common trait with the Powerpuff Girls in this episode, and a few other characters, too.

That may even include Bliss, as she does what could be the most expected "joke" you can think of when she encounters a girl with orthodontic headgear. She proceeds to roughhouse her. No worries, the girl tells everyone that the new kid touched her hand, and everyone wants to touch it. Bliss: so awesome, she could bully someone and still be popular!

Bliss talks about how there's no possible way to unless we see a trail of slime. Only in this one scene, we see a trail of slime, and immediately after, she gets tackled into a broom closet by a new character. This is as subtle as it gets, and you'll know what I mean later.

After fighting each other and accusing each other of being the alien, they decide to introduce themselves. This guy, who looks like if Ben Tennyson was a contestant on Total Drama Island, introduces himself as Logan of the Universal Protection Bureau.

Yes, Logan. This special was in production long before the Logan Paul Youtube scandal, but that is a sad coincidence. A coincidence that will not get even worse later, surely. Anyway, he's an alien fighter from the Universal Protection Bureau, and he's also looking for the Sporde. He's top-ranked, he's also an outsider, and he's already starting to flirt with Bliss.

They almost immediately get lost in each other's eyes, because we got to have some romance in this. There's even a running gag where they almost kiss until they get interrupted by someone, in the first case it's the wacky janitor and his wacky mop. This episode does re-confirm that this is an elementary school in a completely random Sherlock Holmes reference; Logan may as well be the only other teenager here.

That never really seems to come up, by the way. Everyone is just fine with these people who are 6-10 years older than everyone else hanging out in elementary school. Considering a lot of the students look like high school students already, I could see how it would not cross even the viewer's minds.

They meet up with the Powerpuff Girls, who have yet to get a single lead on Sporde. They're not consistent on whether or not there's a "The" in his name, so neither will I. The Powerpuff Girls have no idea what this Universal Protection Agency is, but they seem to agree that this Logan is completely trustworthy! I was almost worried.

As an aside, Blossom is happy that the cookies are surprisingly doing well with all of the kids that aren't Jared. Buttercup tries another one, only to find out that they really are still terrible. But do not tell this to Jennifray, who is really getting into the cookies, shoveling them into her mouth. She's also turning purple and growing fangs!

It turns out, only an alien would want to eat Blossom's cookies, but Blossom still does not realize this means her cookies were really terrible. Buttercup does her best by flying in to bash this aliens head in. I always imagine that one scene in Three Girls and a Monster whenever these scenes pop up where Bubbles just counts down to the inevitable Monster Punch Girls Down.

Sure enough, Monster Punch Girls Down, womp womp. Every fight scene in this episode is just a slideshow slow motion beatdown. Two exceptions, the second will come later, and the first being a shot where the Professor is listening to 80's music while this carnage is going on.

What is surprising is even Bliss gets knocked out. In fact, Sporde manages to pin her to the ground. I guess they had to counter all of those people who accused her of being this overpowered original fan character by showing that, yes, Bliss can get a terrible face reaction shot, too! She even has to be saved by one of the Powerpuff Girls. Just one of them, in fact, though she does get some help from the plan master.

Blossom tells Bubbles to use a battering ram, and she hits Sporde with a ram aura. And...that's it. Once hit by a ram aura, Sporde spits out a maggot, which Logan zaps with his ray gun. Mission accomplished, says Logan.

I can just imagine Sporde just being this tiny little maggot trying to take over the universe. However, it does contradict a little on what has been said about Sporde being a shapeshifting alien himself. There's still 13 minutes of special left, and there will be an explanation.

The first part ends with this shot of a bunch of those Sporde maggots coming out of a water fountain. This is a decent hook, though I could imagine that what it led to already happened, considering, you know, Jennifray.

The second part is where it "goes off the rails", quoting one of the characters here, not my own opinion. If you wanted to watch this episode without being spoiled on the main twist, then stop reading now. Don't worry, your expectations are not going to be entirely subverted.

← The Trouble With Bubbles ☆ Sugar, Spice, and Super Lice→

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We cut to the still-unnamed-outside-of-that-one-short-but-at-least-Elementary-school Spring Fling, and Bliss is wearing her best outfit and a new hairstyle that would actually work on making her not fail the Matt Groening Sillohuette Test. By the way, have you noticed they forgot her headband this whole time?

Bliss and Logan are still doing their lovey-dovey shtick, and outside of some talk about beating up trash lizards, there is not much talk about his role as a space defender. It's still a better romance story than Blossred, which, as mentioned before, never shows up in this episode again. Logan, as a gift to make her even more beautiful, decides to give her something special.

Huh, a necklace. Just like the one from the title image, except the heart isn't broken here. It is almost as if it will eventually be broken in away that will be detrimental to Bliss. That can not possibly be the case, especially if we do not consider that the Powerpuff Girls were victims to this exact thing before. Bliss even tries to do another kiss, only to be interrupted by...wanting punch? They throw that running gag away, too.

What are the other Powerpuff Girls doing? Blossom is trying to sell these cookies, which are still doing surprisingly well. Despite being the genius, she never suspects a thing about it. Buttercup acts as the party's bouncer, a perfect job for someone who can lift people upside and steal their lunch money.

Bubbles gets to be on trash duty, because, as also mentioned before, the Janitor just disappeared from existence. While Bubbles is singing a song about taking out the trash, she eventually notices, also via song, that she's surrounded by a bunch of alien pods, which look like the Sporde ones Bliss was telling her about. Hey, it could have been something else. This is Townsville, after all. I think.

Bubbles gets Blossom and Buttercup to investigate this. She gets Logan too, as she still remembers he is supposed to be this space detective and not the love interest.

See, Logan makes a slasher smile, and fires his ray gun three times. We weren't clued in by that puddle of goo, or the fact that he's that one character we haven't seen before. Well, that and the janitor, but we already saw that he existed before the meteor, so it couldn't be him.

Logan goes back to Bliss, hoping we all forgot about that last scene, and decides to sing her a song by turning his ray gun into a guitar. Of course, Bliss is loving it, making that face. All I'm thinking of is when this guy is going to transform. And sure enough, Bliss's necklace starts to glow green and starts to sap her energy. Before she can ask what is going on, we get to see the real twist.

Logan: Sorry to cut this chord...

Logan: ...because I AM THE SPOOOOORDE! (transforms)

Bliss: What...you’re The Sporde?

Really, he was The Sporde the whole time? One of the first reactions anyone had to that description was that Logan was going to be the alien. It was not even a matter of if he was going to turn into the alien, but a. how they were going to do the reveal, and b. if they were going to add anything on top of it.

They did, actually. That "Sporde" reveal in part 1, possibly the one without the "the", was an admittedly clever bit of misdirection. I could see this reboot completely changing direction from a superhero action comedy to a generic romance, and, of course, they don't entirely do this.

Also, cool transformation scene.

Right after this big reveal, we get a quip from the Professor. Oh yeah, he’s the DJ now. It is as if they cannot ever go full action; we have to remind people this is a comedy by interrupting it constantly with these scenes. Anything is better than the intentionally poorly animated wacky faces, but this is not much of a step up.

Another riff from the ray gun guitar, and the other students turn into the Spordelings. It even rips apart their clothes. Sporde finally explains that the cookies were the source of their energy. Blossom's response to this is to cry about how nobody really liked her cookies.

The Reboot Puff we know and love interrupt this dramatic scene, revealing that they survived. The best we get is one line about how the ray gun just was not powerful enough to keep them down. That ray gun scene turned out to be pointless, and, much like to this episode's twist, I am not surprised.

The Reboot Puffs actually do a good job fighting the minions this time, even though just one of them was able to beat down the Most Powerful Puff. Maybe they didn't have as many cookies. That seems to be a general Season 2 trait; good at fighting the minor guys, but once the big guy starts attacking, the Puffs are as good as captured.

Sure enough, they do get captured, as The Sporde has the ability to spit sticky green goo, putting the Powerpuff Girls that saved Bliss in the first part of this special out of commission. It turns out, there's no room for the main three in this episode. Really, outside of saving her in that one scene they only put in to give Bliss some form of weakness, they don't do much outside of being oblivous.

With all hope lost, The Sporde airs his greivances about Bliss. He's not here to take over the Earth, he's only here because Bliss keeps going from planet to planet, destroying his pods. I do like how Bliss looks demented here. This is Sporde’s point of view, after all, that should be more common with villain flashbacks.

He also calls Bliss worthless. That came out of nowhere, though I can not exactly disagree with that notion. Maybe it was related to that "Bliss trying to fit in to this school" plot that they really did not get into. Sporde tries to deliver the final blow with his scorpion tail, only for Bliss to use the last of her power to move the guitar that was powering that necklace in front of her.

I am glad to see that Bliss punching the ground wasn't the result of a Katie Kaboom-style teenage meltdown. Do not remember Katie Kaboom. That is not a question, you should not. Instead, this punch is the equivalent of about 50 battering ram auras, making all of the Spordelings spit out their maggots, tranforming all of the students back to their former selves. It magically makes their clothes grow back, thankfully.

There is a huge contrast. Power of Four, the Powerpuff Girls had to team up to fight the main villain. Here, they’re stuck in Sporde’s...mouth goo. Bliss has to save herself in this situation, and she does. Considering how they built this alien up as this dangerous shapeshifting menace, the whole Sporde fight scene is just him getting whacked across the walls with telekinesis and that's it.

While they had to prove "The Power of Four" in her first episode, this scene shows off that Bliss can handle a huge fight all by herself. This even comes with Bliss thanking Sporde for showing what her purpose is: to be her own superhero in a spinoff series. Okay, they don't put it that way, but that's how it came off to me.

Bliss is not going to stay, of course. I'm not going to spoil how they write her off this time, but there is a reason why Bliss would be handing out wanted posters, and destroying pods. I kind of wish they would have focused more on that backstory than this school dance plot, really. To not give everything away, it would have been more honest.

Bliss leaves, the Powerpuff Girls and even the Professor begging for her not to. She tells them not to worry, because she'll be back for Sunday brunch. Yeah, that and the Bliss spinoff that this is not a pilot of. Judging by this episode's ratings, I would not hold my breath for that.

Does the title fit?

Despite the running gag, Bliss never actually gets a kiss. Not even from her own father figure!

How does it stack up?

A half hour “alien invading a school prom” plot was obviously going to be a let down compared to an hour and fifteen minute duel with the devil. Thinking back, this episode does manage to be better than most of Power of Four; there's no terrible retcons, and Bliss isn't necessarily that bad here.

I have softened up from my initial first impression, but this episode has its fair share of problems. It’s predictable, there’s a lot of wasted time for bad humor, and the ending just seems like it insults the original Puffs for the almighty glory of this new original character. Compared to the first Bliss special, it doesn’t become as much of a mess as the middle, but it never really gets as good as its beginning and end. A Neutral.

Next week, the Powerpuff Girls have to fight a different sort of evil invertebrate than usual.

← The Trouble With Bubbles ☆ Sugar, Spice, and Super Lice →

[shytiff]

June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins. 

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients. 

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo  

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning. 

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and  summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers. 

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward

[sireneia-a]

4 6 8

interview with the mun | acc!

➍ Would you say you’re a decent roleplayer or do you have any self doubts?

oooo i know i’ve definitely had my spells of negativity on this blog ( regret.jpeg ) but i’ll say i’m actually pretty confident in my ability as a rper! any self doubts actually come from just me as a person specifically and how people see me ooc as opposed to ic.

sure, i might veer off a little with my character portrayals, but i’ve never thought i’ve been extremely ooc and it’s usually when i’m rusty in using a muse or am just first implementing them onto the blog.

➑ Give us a rough estimate: How much time have you spent on your graphics? (icons, theme, banners, promos, etc)

i switched the order of 6 & 8 because my answer for six is stupidly long

anyway, i spend around 1 hour to do 69 sprite icons ( nice ) so i’ll say with the total of 2384 icons shared between all sixteen muses on this blog, based on that math, it equals to approximately 34.55 hours total ?? i’ll say that’s probably too low a number though cause i’ll say going through the light inheritors fe4 gen 2 manga was an absolute pain that took me like several days in order to icon both leif and tine from 

i don’t really do anything fancy with my theme, but with my latest promo, i’d say i took 1-2 hours on it ? god what’s a time

➏ What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse?

by roster order! at this point i’m putting this under a readmore cause i got carried away with it rip 

i’m also omitting any characters that i don’t think i’ve explored enough with yet. some of it’s come from my old single-muse blog versions of the muses as opposed to this specific blog.

kent - exploring the contrast between him being prim and proper vs. a simple man who’s passionate. not necessarily restrained to his infatuations but definitely does feed into it. it’s a very fun balance to try and write!

kliff - if there’s a character i explore the feeling of being isolated in spite of having good company who’s supportive, it’s this one! i think kliff interested me in fe2 when i realized he was doomed to a bad ending despite being such a powerful character, and i try and incorporate that morbid inevitability into my portrayal like almost constantly ngl

percy - writing a character who’s attempted horrible things yet gets easily forgiven for it. i wish fates really didn’t just forgive him immediately for his literal attempted patricide and manipulation, but i think it’s interesting to see a young fe character do objectively bad things.

tatiana - exploring more grown up and complicated romantic relationships. i think people with fiction love to write really only the purest of relationships, and tatiana had always drawn me in with how she can be argued to be “the other woman” yet it’s not as simple as that. there’s a lot of complexities to her situation and she got more building on that in fe15 over personal happiness vs moral ethical choices and i love exploring that with nynas and zekes on this blog!

hinata - i like exploring cultural things! hinata is my excuse to try and incorporate all this otherwise useless sengoku period info i have haha. 

silas - i like referencing what little hints canon gives us on his life outside of corrin! like with things such as how he grew up with the military, camilla, his implied friendship with arthur, etc.! 

hayato - breathing life into what it’s like to be a parent at a young age but have a child that’s older than you. like man, that’s weird as hell. i also like just highlighting any difference between him and ricken since people make that comparison a lot. i enjoy paying attention to how he holds this air of maturity from being forced to grow up too fast due to his political position, but he still maintains childish tics and how embarrassed by them he is.

leif - I LOVE WRITING WITH OTHER JUGDRAL MUSES !!! i think exploring his relationship / lack of one but attempting to build one is really fun! please toss more second gens at me. i want them all

clive - exploring regret mostly as well as how heavy the impact of inaction can be! taking the safe road and then realizing conservative choices can blow up in your face despite all the careful planning is interesting, and i have a wonderful fernand to help me with that so i’m like Extra Blessed

tine - i don’t write a lot of girls and especially not tine’s personality! she’s like… the polar opposite of my usual female muse personality SO it’s fun to get to spread my wings like this! 

[saturatedsinset]

sorry mattkenny anon I'm just watching highlights because I can't be bothered to go find the full match (altho I am v tempted. love flippy boys) so here is a record of all my thots as I watch three highlights vids

1. the one on the tnt channel

fhhshs so it starts with matt putting fenix in a scorpion deathlock but. like. I see a man twist his opponents legs around his I assume it will be my fav submission of all of the submissions, a figure-four leglock (they're just so stupid I love them) but. good for her. I support him

matt. feral ANGY huh? hair in his face. I'm. hm. he's very hot lately

LMAO MATT MADE NICK GET KICKED and he feels bad about it. bless him. oh now matt's murdering pac! good for her

ok honestly what IS it with matt stumbling back to his opponent and asking for a hit-me-in-the-face exchange. girl I know you're horny but come on

god! flippy. they're so FLIPPY

okok oh my god one of my fav wrestling moves just. ever. is a 619 I love fenix I screamed in my room when he hit that

aw they're having a little nap

lmao pressing their foreheads to each other while theyre both on the ground. bit gay lads

MATTS HAIR CATCHING ON FENIX'S MASK? things I didn't realise I was horny for

oh I love fenix no-selling the chest chop. get him. fuck matt lives

SYNCHRO ATTEMPTED SUPERKICKS FJHDDH this match is for me

pile-driver reversals??? ohhhh that's so good

lmao fuck matt jackson kill the bitch

nick instantly here for his brother :') matt clinging on. love that they're there for each other in the most useless ways

2. the one from wrestling rebellion highlights

I didn't say this last vid but I love fenixs mask and gear. hate matt's. get lost

ohhh some other very good reversals

fenix hits a tope! topes are another fav move

oh perched on the middle rope?? balance... love them. the balance stuff really reminds me of the spot in bucks vs gl where they do a three-person superplex from the top rope.... it's about the trust

matt running for a superkick like a fucking cartoon character

oh matt targeting the back. hm. interesting. Interesting.

god the reversals here are soo good?? I love them

fhdhdh this one includes fenix kicking nick too. get them

"the young bucks are gonna think about this for a long time" hell yeah they are fuck em

3. the one from thebigredone

I do want matt jackson dead I think I should be clear about that

flips!!!! flips!!!

nick gently checking on matt... it's about Love

yo I have no idea what that one move from matt is but I love it. where he has his legs around fenix waist and he does a little bounce from the floor? no clue. compels me though

"matt jackson is one of the toughest competitors we have" I do think that's true but I don't respect him

goddd matt coming over the top into a destroyer. I love it

fenix murdering matt outside the ring and matt, and I don't use this word lightly, SCAMPERING away. fuck. this is so good

CONCLUSIONS

I know fenix is not a face rn but I do think he's more of a face than matt is and I love that for him. I'm hoping this puts us on the road to heel matt face nick and I'm particularly thinking about nicks match with fenix last year where he is noticeably not as fucking unhinged as matt and they seem to be just having a good time... this one matt rly does seem Murderous. I love the gentle checking on each other and nicks inability to deter his brothers worst impulses! I also love matt getting revenge for fenix kicking nick, a thing that is mostly matt's fault, by murdering pac. matt jackson can fit so much anger and zero self-awareness! extremely pumped to see where we go from here and if theres any insight in Mondays bte. I love matt's promos and I want to hear one on fenix!

I wouldn't be surprised if matt or nick don't have another singles match for a while but I'd be really into matt railing against their losses to "singles guys" by trying to have a singles run. like I said to quinn the other day: I don't know if it's worse for matt to challenge kenny for the title, someone who he can't help but love (and hates it), or hangman once he gets it, someone he can only look down on

anyway now I'm just deluding myself but god I want face nick heel matt so bad. I can't help it it's about the tragedy for me

[hannah375blog-blog]

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[westboundgoingdown]

My Thoughts on 13 Reasons Why

Let me say something that's been on my mind since I finished the show about a week after it came out. I read an article not too long ago where someone, I believe a suicide awareness person, basically said no show, entertainment or something else, should be that graphic, it's glamorizing the death. Suicide isn't pretty. It's self-destructive, usually intentional, and there is nothing "glamorous" about experiencing and witnessing a rape or being bullied for something you didn't even do. I saw no part of this show glamorizing her death. It showed real issues, problems, extreme flaws with society, everything. They showed a graphic suicide because it's, guess what, a story of a girl's suicide. I don't believe it's being glamorized and believe it's telling a truth, a real, horrible, terrible truth. This stuff happens to people, it's not glamorizing anything. People, I think, *spoiler though I'm not sure if it really is because they mention it before it happens* need to see a bullied and traumatized girl bleeding out from self-harm in a bath tub. This show isn't trying to hide anything, it's showing you what suicide is, looks, and feels like: hopelessness, disgust, and nothingness. I can not express enough how I think people need to see what *can* happen to someone who suffers the abuse. People take it more seriously if they see a young, beautiful girl in a bathtub full of red water. Suicide should be taken seriously, if you watch this show you know what it's about from the beginning, even in the promos and in the first couple lines of the first episode. Suicide shouldn't be censored (well, mostly). It happens to real people. There's a high school not too far from where I live where 3 kids committed suicide in a semester. ONE semester. Schools don't do anything until it's too late. They just started implementing more serious changes. Suicide is a real problem that happens way too often. Also, the article mentioned "each tape essentially blaming others". OF COURSE IT'S BLAMING OTHERS. She was raped, watched a rape (though that was more or less wrong place at the wrong time but it still happened), was bullied and objectified for no reason on a regular basis (ie Bryce grabbing her butt in a convenience store, that idiot whose name is can't remember assumed she wanted sex on the Valentine's date). You don't just wake up happy one day and go, "I'm going to kill myself today." No one is pushed to suicide on their own. I'm convinced there's ALWAYS an outside push. I had a scary suicidal episode last September: I couldn't feel any pain, nothing I did to myself hurt, I felt useless, helpless, I was thinking of getting the matches my roommate had (who wasn't home at the time) for candles in the living room to burn myself beyond return. I didn't care. I wanted to die. I called my best friend, she's great with advice and being there for others, knowing I didn't trust myself. She rushed over to my house, let me cry into her, called her dad and told him I was spending the night, drove me there, made sure I was okay and checked on me constantly. Even talked with her and her parents, in particular her mom. My best friend and her mom both suffer with anxiety and panic attacks and understood how I was feeling, how it feels making the worst out of every situation in your head, putting words in people's mouths and thoughts in people's heads that didn't exist; not feeling good enough for anyone. Even in my situation, there was nothing near as bad as 13RW but it wasn't all just me. People did/said things that upset me/made me question my worthiness and how needed I was in friendships, school (sophomore in university, 19 at the time) was beyond stressful and I cried almost every week, and my parents thought everything was a phase so I kept all my thoughts and feelings to myself for 5 years. I started self-harming in April of 2012 when I was almost done with my freshman year of high school. The last time I did was a couple days before said episode, the whole cause of the problem, September of 2016. I've been "clean" since. It completely changed my life and outlook on it. I'd torn my mental state apart. It's almost never just yourself. She wouldn't have killed herself if anything in this show didn't happen. It took until her rape to really get to her and make her act, ie have Tony give her blank cassette tapes for a "project". Suicide needs to be seen by those who help impose it: bully, hurt, belittle people. Nothing in this show should've been sensored. Suicide is real, the victims of suicidal thoughts and attempts need help, and these people need to be heard. I've had suicidal thoughts, have self-harmed for years, and have gone into several depressive episodes where I felt nothing and sometimes wouldn't eat for a week or 2 at a time. With that I say: Good job, 13 Reasons Why, good job. While it can be triggering, it's something the world needed. And if you suffer from anything (mental illness, eating disorders, addiction of any kind, bullying, absolutely anything), you're not alone. I believe in you, so many others believe in you and you may not even realize it. I had a friend I'd previously rode the bus with, I was a senior in high school, who'd graduated 2 years before me who committed suicide. I hadn't talk to him but a couple times since: once at the mall, saw him once at Walmart. I cried for the entirety of my band camp for school, I found out the day before it started... 2 weeks. We only talked on the bus, hardly did when he graduated, hadn't seen him in months and I cried constantly for 2 weeks when I found out he died. I saw his last Facebook posts and didn't think much of it because so many teenage girls go "life is so hard, I can't do anything right". I felt so guilty for not saying anything. He was one of the single coolest guys I'd ever met, I wish I'd have told him that more. You don't realize until they're gone, especially at their own hand. No matter how much you think no one cares, there's always someone that cares. Your parent, sibling, friend, even someone you only talked to 20 minutes a day. There's always some one who cares. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. I know what it's like to feel alone, stupid, unloved. You never really are. You never truly understand the impact you may have on someone just from a few little words. Stay strong guys, stay strong. ❤

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Ladies Drink Free

OMG Claire's so cool cuz she talks back to adults and stuff it's so awesum!!!  Calling the Winchesters old and useless hahahahahahaha!

What's that noxious smell?  Is it … desperation to appeal to a younger demographic?  I think it is!

I'd pretty much subtitle this episode, “I really don't give a shit about this stupid teen drama”.  Which is not to say it was a total loss, because there were some things I enjoyed about it.

I actually quite liked Mick here.  From the start where he gives them a very understandable reason for wanting to be more physically involved in hunting after seeing his whole team killed to actually clearly being conflicted over killing teenage girls.  He was almost cuddly with all his doubts!  Liked his coming up with the doctor subterfuge on the spot as well, so he wasn't totally useless and his ultimately getting a chance to redeem himself via the kill shot on the culprit werewolf (though it was a tad convenient).  Even his ridiculously awkward attempts at subterfuge the Winchesters see right through were oddly charming almost (although how on earth he expected to get away with it when the bitten girl turned up randomly dead the next day I don't know). Both the writing and the actor's performance really did good things for trying to round him out as a three-dimensional character.  

Speaking of his ineptitude, I also loved how quickly Dean was on to him.  That suspicious look when he couldn't open the door, the way he turned the interrogation around on Mick so suddenly but as if it was a joke, grabbing his shoulder when he tried to keep lying – that whole part was awesome.  Also loved Dean's intense interrogation face at the bar.  

Of course, ultimately?  Especially considering the content of the promo for next week?  There's no way in which trying to make Mick sympathetic wouldn't have been better done spread across more than one episode (maybe two if you count The Raid, sort of).

I did also like the reason the whole werewolf incident here happened, again, because of the BMOL invasion stirring up the monster population.  Yeah, it does feel a little derivative of Eve, but it also makes sense and if we're going to go with this plotline (and since our alternative is the devil baby mama drama...).

More minor upsides were Dean cramming all the mints into his pocket, Sam looking so confused at the idea of them getting different rooms, were-mice!, Mick and Sam geeking out over the podcast in the car while Dean suffers not-so-silently through it (nerd soulmates), Dean being a jerk at the start to Mick for the pure joy of being a jerk.  Dean's suit-less swim – I admit I'd have forgiven this episode a lot more if we got to see something of that.  I'm not proud of it, but it's true.  There was also Dean's Yogi impression to Claire on the phone and Sam telling Claire to stop acting like a stupid kid if she didn't want to be treated like one. Even some of the writing for her, like Claire having the self-awareness to realize she's a complete mess was decent if you don't consider the mediocre delivery too hard.  

Unfortunately, that brings us generally to Claire, and everything else about this episode that was less enjoyable.  It's very hard to take this episode seriously when it starts out having Dean say you can't just learn hunting from books without ending up dead … and then goes out of its way to save Scrappy Doo in a blonde wig who can't even be bothered to use books in the first place.  Even if the general context of the show hadn't been trying very hard the past few seasons to make being a hunter a joke by calling everyone who stood in Sam and Dean's general vicinity when there was a monster around one, this would still be painfully ridiculous.  And the way they worry about babysitting Mick, but just let Claire do whatever … seriously?  Do the writers actually read back over their own scripts at any point?  At all?

They showed Claire being a complete and total incompetent moron – trying to pass herself off as an adult official, telling the Winchesters Jody totally knew what she was up to but admitting she hadn't had a hot meal in ages as if they're as stupid as she is and will buy that, wandering the woods with her headphones on with a werewolf that likes to snack on teenagers on the loose … and then after having her stupid ass need to get saved YET AGAIN like every other goddamn hunt we know of her being involved with?  She heads off on her own to do it over again and I got the impression we're somehow not supposed to think that's the dumbest thing ever.  If hunting with no experience beyond book learning gets you dead fast, there is absolutely no excuse for Claire having survived long enough to be in this episode.  Period.  It only gets worse when she manages to survive because the cure that only worked on mice ONE IN NINE times (make it 50/50 at least, ffs) just so luckily happens to work and save her!  Though ultimately, the thing I found most absurd is that the Winchesters promise not to tell on her or interfere with her hunting alone – which, what way do you want to have it, writers?  Either they actually give a fuck about her for some reason, in which case, HELL NO would they be okay with that when she's so painfully, incompetently terrible at it.  Or they don't care, in which case, quit wasting my time with Canon Fodder Barbie (Fuckton of plot armor included!) who they have no more responsibility or connection to than any other random VotW.  Ugh.

It's not much better that Sam is suddenly having objections about killing werewolves because they're somehow “different”.  Even though he knew vampires who didn't kill people, too.  Even though he used to give monsters in general the benefit of the doubt.  A few episodes ago the writers didn't want him to think about any shades of gray, but now it's time for a confrontation to start brewing -  so suddenly he does think about it and they try to write the contrast off with this kind of flimsy bullshit.  I mean, yeah, Sam has a tendency to justify things to himself when he wants them bad enough, but this doesn't even have any weight or reason to it in that vein.  Like you could almost see the writers jerking his strings like a puppet, ffs.  This is the kind of terrible writing that continues to come from not thinking through and planning out your arcs over a larger space of time so they actually feel realistic for the characters.  The idea of the Winchesters working with the BMOL a bit and then seeing their uglier side and coming into conflict is a good premise, but the execution continues to leave quite a bit to be desired.