valeriec80

[valeriec80]

This dragon doesn’t shift.

Very naughty NSFW excerpt from my latest release follows. Swear words also. Discretion advised!!!

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He groaned. “Flamestones, that’s good. You’ve got such a warm, tight little mouth, don’t you? Fuck.”

I pulled off. “Your talking is really ruining it for me.”

“Oh, is it? I’m sorry.” He was sarcastic. “Are you going to stop?”

Of course I wasn’t going to stop. I put my mouth back and started sucking again.

“That’s what I thought,” he grunted. “Like that, then. Just like that.”

“I hate you,” I said, but it was muffled around his cock.

“What?” he said.

I pulled off. “I hate you.”

“Mmm, oh, me too, you human temptress whore. I despise you.”

“I’m going to kill you as soon as I get your seed, you know. Cut your damnable head off.”

He gasped, coils tightening. “Are you?”

“Is that turning you on?” I said, appalled.

“No,” he said through gritted teeth, and he thrust himself up, back into my mouth. “Not at all.”

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B57RQZCW

[valeriec80]

To Snap a Silver Stem

Hi hi! I haven’t written a post in a long while. This is going to be a review of the 2nd book in a romantic fantasy series by Sarah A. Parker. I reviewed the first book about a year ago in a gushing fangirly breathless kind of way, because it was all the things! It was my favorite book of the year! I was so looking forward to the sequel! OMG! 

Well, it’s probably inevitable, with that much pressure, that the second book did not live up to my expectations, lol. This review will contain SPOILERS. It will function primarily as an exercise for me as an author to determine elements of story that don’t work for me personally so that I can use these observations to strengthen my own storytelling. It is not intended to be, like, *the* reason why the book doesn’t work. Everyone will have their own subjective experience with the book. Lots of people seem to have liked it. I also liked various aspects of it a fracking LOT, and I’ll detail that at the end.

So, I can’t be sure, but I feel like this is maybe Parker’s, like, fifth book or something. She may have a bunch of trunk novels or some other pen name I don’t know about, but I well know what it’s like to have a first novel of a series that just writes itself and then get to the second book, wherein you have no idea how to even do the thing anymore. As a younger author, I had real trouble learning how to structure trilogies, how to figure out what to do with a stretched-out romance arc, all kinds of things. And Parker is just a better writer than me. Like, I may have written over a hundred novels, but she snows me hardcore. She’s naturally talented in a way I’ll never be. Am I jealous? Oh, yeah. So, bear that in mind too when evaluating this review. There is no wrath like the wrath of a jealous author. Oh, and all authors are jealous and insecure and always think everyone else’s career is better than theirs. (It’s me. I do this.)

Anyway, the second book founders. The first book was a chugging engine, driven entirely around the mystery of who Orlaith really was, why Rhordyn was drinking her blood, why he was such a dick to her, why she was so into him even though he was a dick, just questions that begat questions and the more you read, the more tantalizing they became. It’s about damned near perfect, and the tease of the sexiness, the hint of a possible love interest who would be the opposite of Rhordyn, all of that is just great.

So, in book two, some promises had been made by Parker, I thought. I thought we’d been promised a look at Orlaith in a relationship with Cainon, and that it should be a foil for her romance to Rhordyn, kind of everything that Rhordyn isn’t. Ultimately, I expected Rhordyn to be endgame, but I wanted something sunnier and sweeter for Orlaith, and I looked forward to the pleasure of that.

Unfortunately, Cainon is just Rhordyn-lite. Parker can write one male love interest, apparently, and he’s a flavor I’m just not entirely fond of. It’s a fine line. I do like it when love interests are prickly and even downright asshole-ish, as long as there are some other elements in play. The meaner he is, the more power I want the female mc to have in balance (Orlaith is kinda pathetic, but I don’t mind pathetic female characters). The meaner he is, the more significant she needs to be to him. I guess I want it to make sense. She should make him suffer SO MUCH that I get *why* he’s such a dick? And this... meh... maybe? I don’t know, because Parker is playing so much close to the chest. Maybe Rhordyn *is* suffering because of Orlaith, but I just don’t know enough yet. 

This brings me to my next point, which is that book two is really padded and stretched out, and there are long bits of boring things in there where nothing significant is happening, and when you get to the end of the book, you realize why, because Parker had another big reveal planned, just like the reveal at the beginning of book one. And I feel I would have made a different choice with this reveal. A-the reveal is kinda dumb. Like, in the first book, we don’t know why Rhordyn is drinking her blood, but you can kinda guess, like, probably he’s a vampire. I mean, he’s not. But whatever. It doesn’t matter what you *call* him. He drinks blood because he’s a creature who drinks blood. This is a dumb reveal. Also, like, these kinds of creatures are eeeeeevil. Duh? Okay. I read all the way to here for this? B-by forcing everything focus on this one big reveal at the end of the book, you force all your characters to stagnate, because you’re just marking time until you pull out this big finish, and you’re expecting your readers to stay on board for it, but they don’t know it’s coming, and a book is more than its end. The book is the book. The beginning and middle need to also be good and compelling. You can’t *just* have a reveal, and if you are sacrificing important story elements to preserve your big reveal, deep-six the reveal. The book is the book. No element is so important it should drag down the other elements.

I feel like maybe intuitively, Parker knew this. It got pushed back, the publication date did, and she had a YEAR to write it, so I’m figuring she was stuck. And here’s what you should have done, in my opinion, Sarah Parker, is moved that reveal to the middle of the book, and then said to yourself, okay, what’s that do to my characters? And definitely don’t have Orlaith push Rhordyn off a cliff. Seriously?

Okay, this brings me to my next point. There’s a lot of tension in the book that doesn’t land because it’s not tense. Case in point, there’s a big, big scene with a sea monster in the beginning of the book, and I skimmed the whole thing, because I know Orlaith is not going to get killed by a sea monster. I’m not dumb. That would end the story. And there were other characters in danger, but they were all new people who I cgaf about, so... blah. Similarly, she ends the book with Orlaith “killing” Rhordyn.

Um.

Yeah. I believe he’s dead.

Why would you *do* this?

So, now, Parker is in the position of either having to do this thing at the beginning of book three where she Jon-Snows us all summer and is like, “No, no, he’s really dead” and tries to convince us she was serious. Which will fail. Because we all know he’s not dead. So, I would recommend, like, not doing that. Just--first scene, Rhordyn is alive and, uh, killing him has triggered his evil side, like his humanity switch has been turned off like Damon Salvatore, and then he’s a really real asshole? No, I don’t know how you fix this clusterfuck, to be honest, but... you *could* fix it. It’s doable. I’ll tune in for book three to see what happens. 

Okay, so I think overall what Parker seems to have forgotten is that a book should be about pleasure, and even if your pleasures tend toward watching characters suffer (mine do, no shade), it’s still about pleasure. And the book feels like work to me. There’s few and far between with a feeling that permeates through that she was actually enjoying herself or that I’m conversely enjoying *myself*. And I get that too. Trembling, for instance, the agony that was drafting that book? And it’s soooo terrible, you know. Like Sarah Parker runs circles around my early writing efforts and runs circles around me now.

So, we should get to the stuff I loved, especially if poor Sarah Parker is reading this. (I can’t stop reading bad reviews either! Agh. Go get yourself some chocolate, though, lady, you deserve it.) 

There’s this Kai subplot that is chef’s kiss. Sooo sexy. Love.

Rhordyn... Rhordyn is hawtt in this book. There’s this scene at the end where she like jumps him in the shower and gives him a handjob, and this scene is the best, most sexiest, angstiest, everything-is-so-good scene I’ve read this year. *fans self furiously*

Orlaith loses her virginity to some random dude! Fuck yes. That was great. Wonderful choice. I commend you, Sarah Parker! You are my hero.

I like the worldbuilding, and I like how not revealed it is at all. People talk about it in passing, and you just have to figure it out, and that’s... god, we need more of that. If I have to skim another super boring half-page of exposition about some random thing in some fantasy world ever again it’ll be too soon. But I will. Because not everyone is as brilliant as Parker, more’s the pity.

Oh, there’s this scene with Cainon and Rhordyn at dinner like just gritting their teeth at each other, and I get so wet for men fighting over women. That was great.

I also have had real trouble getting into fantasy books this year. Real, real trouble. And I read this pretty quick. So, whatever with my ripping it shreds. I clearly did not stop reading it, which is saying something.

Anyway, that’s it for me.

[valeriec80]

Bridgerton, season 2, spoilery thoughts!

First of all, this will be spoilery, so if you care about such things and haven’t finished Bridgerton yet, off with you.

While my overall experience watching this season was fun and pleasant and I wish for many more seasons of Bridgerton to come (oh, do I pine and pine for the Penelope-Colin story... what season would that be? Four?) I have to admit that book two was meh for me (and was the point in which I began skipping around, reading the books about the characters I liked instead of continuing in order), and the season two tv show romance was also meh for me. 

One of the things about the book was that Anthony is all convinced that he’s not going to outlive his father, which is just... ?? Apparently, (I read the afterword) it’s based on a real thing, some guy was convinced of this, and yet, it just never worked for me, because it was so off the wall and weird and obtuse to really be convinced of this. Yes, it was kind of like Simon’s bullheaded idea to never have kids to spite *his* dad, but I could buy the revenge more than this odd idea of being sure of your untimely death.

Okay, so in the TV show, they apparently agreed with me, and they made Anthony’s objection to getting married instead that he never wanted to experience grief. Which. Yeah, I’m in. I buy it.

BUT.

They cut the compromise. So, in the book, in the bee sting scene, Anthony puts his mouth on Kate to suck out the poison or something, and they are discovered and it looks like they’re being naughty, so they have to get married. Now, admittedly, this is the same plot as book one, and... meh... but it really worked to force the characters into a different situation, get them married, etc.

Instead, the series draaaagggsss out the courtship of Edwina, and drags out Anthony and Kate deciding to be together, and it goes on and on and on and not in a fun way. In an annoying way. In a we-know-you-guys-are-going-to-get-together-so-do-it-already way.

I really think this is a problem in romance stories, wherein writers feel as though they have to sustain the will-they-won’t-they for tension, and I have found that when you force this, it’s ineffective, and it’s better to find other sources of credible tension even as the relationship between the leads progresses.

And I just can’t help but think how much more exciting of a story this would have been if Anthony had been forced to marry the woman he loved and then been determined to, like, not fall in love with her because of fear of grief. I want THAT season of Bridgerton, maybe with the juxtaposition of passion and coldness, like he’s all into her and they have hot sex and then he’s like, “No, can’t do this, must get her out of my head” and runs off. I even want him to decide to go take back up with that soprano of his and get there, and then at the last minute realize he never wants to bang anyone else but Kate...

I want to rewrite this romance arc!

The fact that they don’t get married means that there’s next to no sex also. FROWN.

Heck, I would have made them have that illicit passion scene way earlier in the story if they can’t get married. Picture this: Illicit passion scene, he proposes, she tells him no, and then he does that proposal to Edwina. Or, they’re banging constantly during the wedding preparations and being all, “Oh, I’m going back to India, she’ll never know!” Or... I don’t know, but do better, show! You can do better.

I loved all the Lady Whistledown stuff. I liked the Featherington suplot. I liked Eloise’s story and Benedict’s. The costumes were divine (although very much not period.) Everything looked gorgeous. All the actors were sublime, and the actress who played Kate? I ADORE her. So, I really enjoyed watching it, and I want MOAR! And there’s still Sanditon, which is going all Jane Eyre on me, and I’m here for it!

[valeriec80]

It’s Bridgerton day!! As soon as I get some rewrites done, I am sitting down for some of THAT. And so, the excerpt for this week comes from The Rzymn Job, because obviously Haid Vortinen has a bit of the Duke of Hastings in him. NSFW excerpt follows, but just a teeny bit. You have been warned!

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Haid came into view. He had been with her in her bedchamber only a short time ago, but now he wasn’t dressed. His valet had helped him into his nightclothes. He was wearing a silk paisley robe over a nightshirt. His calves were bare and so were his feet.

 Well, for that matter, her feet were bare. She curled up her toes, and looked down at the both of them—her pale toes and his brown ones—as the valet scooted past her.

 “Is there something I can do for you?” said Haid.

 She lifted her gaze to his. “You want me.”

 His lips parted. “Er, pardon me?”

 “You just said—” She pointed below in the general direction of her bedchamber. “You said that you were blazing happy about having trapped me in a marriage with you, and that you liked the idea of my being yours forever.”

 “You have a startling capacity for repeating things word for word that have just tumbled thoughtlessly out of my mouth.” He sounded annoyed.

 “Oh, do you wish to take it back?” She felt hesitant, waiting.

 He sighed heavily. “We were both there, maidam, and I hardly think we need to rehash the entire conversation.”

 “Does that mean you don’t wish to take it back?”

 He reached behind her and shut the door. “For all we know, the valet has perched inside the stairwell, listening to our every word. If we’re going to talk again, let’s do it behind closed doors.”

 She clasped her hands together. “All right.”

 He turned his back and strode across the room, to his fireplace. He sat down in a large chair there with a huge back and wide arms. It was black velvet with gold accents. He sat down in it and peered at the fire. “I believe I also said that I was a villain and that you should hate me.”

 “Well, I don’t.”

 “Well, you should.”

 This was not going as well as she might have hoped, but she wasn’t about to give up yet. She crossed the room to where he was sitting. There was another chair by the fire, one not nearly as large as the one he sat in. She could have sat down in it, next to him, but she did not.

 Instead, she stood in front of him, between him and the fire, close enough that her legs nearly brushed in his knees. She reached up to the black bodice she was wearing and untied its laces.

 He lifted his chin, but he didn’t say anything.

 She began to unlace her bodice. It was a clever piece, created by Pairce, who was good with both knives and needles and had previously been employed as a strumpet before she started working for Haid as part of his team of thieves. The sleeves were sewed directly into the bodice, so there was no need for two pieces of clothing, and the bodice was boned, so there was no need for stays beneath. It was the only article of clothing she was wearing besides the black trousers she wore.

 “What are you doing?” His expression was blank but his voice was a little hoarse.

 “What does it look like I’m doing?”

 “It looks,” he rasped, “as though you are baring your bosom to me.”

 “Well, you are remarkably observant, Your Grace.” She continued to loosen the laces of the bodice, peeling it aside to show him more and more of her breasts, which were on the largeish side. Most of her life, she had never really liked them, but she liked the way he liked them, and she had very much liked the way it felt when he touched them, and now she wanted him to do that again.

 “You shouldn’t be doing that,” he said.

 “There seem to be quite a few things I should or shouldn’t be doing or feeling,” she said. “You’re quite free with your opinions. I suppose you could stop me, then.” The laces suitably loosened, she pulled the bodice away and showed him everything.

 He let out a hiss. “I could. I should. An honorable man would stop you.”

 “How fortunate that you have just got done explaining that you are not honorable.”

 “Mmm. I don’t know if fortunate is the word.” He reached out and tugged her closer, between his legs, which were parting under that robe of his, and she wasn’t sure he was wearing anything under—

 His mouth on one of her nipples.

 She gasped.

 He kissed it, just a gentle press of his lips, but it hardened obligingly and she felt the sensation shoot through her like a falling star. “Have I told you that your bosom is the most lovely of its kind in the entire history of bosoms? That your breasts are exquisite?”

 She couldn’t breathe. “I don’t think you have, no.”

 He kissed her other nipple. “Well, now I have.” He tugged her bodice closed over her and began to tighten her laces.

 “What are you—?”

 “I’m lacing your bodice. You don’t seem as remarkably observant as I am.”

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B095FYQWJ6/

[valeriec80]

The Croith walked towards her, a cold smile wreathing his features, which were familiar to her, because she knew him.

He crouched down in front of her, resting his elbows on the tops of his legs, looking her over. “Well, look at you. All grown up.” His gaze dragged itself over her and she saw the light in his eye, the way he was looking at her.

“No!” She got to her feet. “You can’t be the Croith.”

He gazed up at her, still in his crouch. He chuckled, long and low, deeply amused. “Do you remember when you were in love with me? You must have been, what, four years old?”

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09C1BK2RP

[valeriec80]

No blog again today, just another excerpt... this one from the second book in the Nightmare Court trilogy.

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“I’m quiet because I’m puzzling out everything about Ciaska. I know you said that you didn’t bed her, but I’m not sure what you told her to make her so jealous of me.”

He started walking more quickly again.

She picked up the pace too. “Should I ask Absalom? Does he know?”

He held out a hand. “I can carry the sack. The jewels don’t hurt me if the magic isn’t activated.”

“It’s not that heavy. Listen, I wouldn’t push you. I can see you don’t like to talk about it. It’s only that I think it might be important for me to understand, especially if she’s going to torture me for your benefit.”

“I’m not going to let her do that,” he said. He hoped he was going to pull it off, anyway.

“I still think I need to know.”

He sighed. He stopped moving. “It’s…” Oh, he couldn’t even find the words. “The goddess has been laboring under the assumption that I’m, um, impotent.”

“Right, that’s why you didn’t father her child.”

“I might have convinced her you cured me of that.” If he still had warm blood, he’d be blushing right now. He turned on his heel and started walking again.

She had stopped too, and she didn’t come after him right away.

But then she was there, whispering furiously. “You told her that you lay with me?”

“No!” He was whispering too.

“Oh.” She sucked in a relieved breath. “Well, that’s good.”

“She can never think that happened.” He stopped moving again, raising both hands. “That can never happen. It would be far too dangerous. She would…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“Well, are you going to have to… to lie with her?”

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “Hopefully not. But maybe. I’ll have to see what happens.”

“Oh,” she said again, but this time she sounded disappointed.

He glanced in the direction of the trees, of the shadows where Absalom and Septimus were waiting, just out of sight, and then he stepped closer to her. He reached up and picked up a lock of her dark hair, turning it over in his fingers. “You know I don’t want that.”

She was quiet, looking up at him.

They gazed at each other for moments so long that they seemed to stretch out like the shadows around them, and he thought of that interrupted moment in the fortress, which he should have stopped. He shouldn’t be doing this now. His voice came out barely there. “Why don’t you hate me? You said that you wished you did. So why don’t you?”

Her gazed flitted down to her feet. She let out a little laugh. “It’s as I told you, that cold, firm skin of yours…”

He laughed too, a helpless laugh. “Do you think you could try harder?”

“To what?” She looked back up at him. “To hate you?”

He nodded.

“I’ll see what I can do,” she said with a small smile.

His chest squeezed. He didn’t know why. Something about her, how she was always so impossibly beautiful and also so determined, so intent, so strong. Abruptly, he leaned close and pressed his lips to her forehead. He lingered there, too long, his eyes shut.

When he pulled away, his throat felt tight. He nearly staggered away from her, and he didn’t look back to see if she was coming after him.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08FBR5Q8X

[valeriec80]

Guys.

I cannot seem to get back into blogging to save my life. Here’s an excerpt from my latest alien romance. NSFW!! You have been WARNED. Stop NOW!

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Suddenly, I was against the wall in the corridor, and the tentacles that were holding my legs were tightening around me, gripping my thighs and ankles and forcing my legs wider. Other tentacles seized me around the wrists and pushed my hands above my head.

In seconds, I was flattened against the wall, held there, my arms and legs restrained.

I gasped, gaping at him.

He moved in close, his face inches from mine. “Hey,” he said in a very low voice.

“What are you doing?” I breathed. “Put me down.”

“Is that really what you want me to do?”

I opened my mouth to confirm it, but nothing came out. I looked at his mouth and then into his eyes and then down at his tentacles, all of his tentacles…

One of them slithered up the front of my body, sliding over my pelvis, and I could feel the weight of it through my clothes, and a little tremor rocked me.

  I gasped.

The tentacle came higher, sliding over my stomach, between my breasts, and then up to my chin. It paused there.

“Caspe.” My voice was raw. “What are you…?”

The tentacle tip swelled. One of the little suction cups moved and undulated against the skin of my face.

His voice was soft. “Don’t tell me you’re not into this. You are.”

“You are an arrogant gratts,” I said, but my voice cracked, and I shut my eyes.

 “Fuck you,” I breathed.

“Shh, Sienne,” he murmured. “Just relax. You don’t have to make any decisions. You can’t even move your legs or arms. I’ll decide.”

My jaw worked.

  “Now, I’ll tell you what I want,” he said.

  I let out several shaky breaths.

“That would turn you on, wouldn’t it, doing what I wanted?”

I swallowed hard.

“I want you to lick me,” he said.

  Before I could decide to do it, my tongue eased its way between my lips.

“That’s right,” he murmured. “Good. Very good.” The tentacle on my face swelled again, and it moved up, so that the suction cup was right at my lips. His voice urged. “Go ahead.”

I did it. My tongue came out and licked the suction cup.

It rewarded me with a little gush of liquid. It was tart, like a fruit I’d eaten on the planet Jarides, llum, and a little thick. I lapped at it.

Caspe groaned. “Good.” His voice was tight.

I licked again, my tongue going from the bottom of the suction cup to the top. It moved against me, and there was more of the tart liquid.

  I sighed.

Caspe sighed.

The tentacle pushed its way into my mouth, the swollen tip of it, more suction cups, and it was foreign and strange and somehow erotic in a way that I couldn’t even explain. My pants felt too tight. My breasts throbbed.

“That’s good,” said Caspe, and I felt the tentacles that bound me, that held me in place, tightening, and that was good.

I groaned around the tentacle that was invading me, a deep groan as if something in me had been unleashed, something I didn’t even know I wanted unleashed.

“How much of that can you take?” he asked in a low voice, urging more into me.

My mouth was full. I couldn’t answer, but I opened it wider, giving him access as he pushed between my lips. Now, the suction cups were everywhere. On my tongue, under my tongue, on the roof of my mouth, attaching and sucking and detaching, pumping more of that thick, tart liquid into my mouth. I was swallowing it, and the tentacle was squirming and writhing and rubbing against the cavern of my mouth, filling every spare space, and I liked it. It felt good.

Caspe’s face came close. He kissed me just below my jaw.

I moaned, tilting back my head, trying to get more of the tentacle in my mouth, my tongue undulating against his suction cups.

“This is good for you,” he whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

I moaned again.

His voice was as dark as space itself. “You’re thinking about what it would be like to have these everywhere.”

Oh, stars. Suction cups on my nipples, on my clit? Jammed up in my—

He tugged the tentacle out of my mouth, all at once.

I sputtered, gasping.

“I just…” He panted. “Maybe we’re getting carried away.”

I turned to look at him. “What…? Why did you—?”

“I don’t know.” He slowly began to release my arms and legs, lowering me to the ground.

“You… you don’t have to stop.” My voice was small.

He kissed me below my jaw again. “I know.”

“But you’re…”

“Look, we blew up a ship together. That’s, you know, obvious foreplay, but—”

“Is it?” I let out a laugh.

“We don’t like each other,” he said.

“Well…” I looked into his eyes. “Maybe, um, that might make it good.”

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09NP2Y88S/

[valeriec80]

What I’m reading

So, I intended this blog to mostly be me talking about stuff that I had read or watched or whatever, with the idea that I could put tags in on tumblr, people would click, and then I would somehow convince them to read my books or something.

It made sense in my head.

But I’ve been striking out hardcore lately with books. I tried to get into this book about a girl who’s supposed to marry the king, but falls in love with his dragon-shifter bodyguard instead, which sounded amazeballs. It was by an author I had tried before and wasn’t real keen on, but I jumped in with both feet, and... nada. Just not dark enough for me. Just... too easy. Just... were I that dragon bodyguard, I would not fall in love with that girl. I don’t know. Something about me means I just don’t dig that author, which ANNOYS ME, because said author is fairly popular, and it would be fun to tag this post with her. I could mention her and do it anyway, but I don’t want her to be, like, googling herself and have this come up and give her a sad. I well know what that is like. I also read two sentences of a Karina Halle book, which excited me, because I thought she was doing epic fantasy, and it was URBAN FANTASY. *shakes fist at sky*

No, I am only in the mood for epic fantasy, thank you.

Or, as it happens, science fiction set on primitive worlds and written in the 90s-00s. I was in the mood for something Mercedes Lackey-like, but I was not pleased with her science fiction offerings, and I somehow ended up on Catherine Asaro’s kindle page, and then someone had reviewed The Quantum Rose as a Harlequin romance in space, and I was like, “Here for it!” (But then it was out of print, and though she does seem to have some kindle editions of her books for sale, like The Last Hawk, which I’m currently reading, that one isn’t, and I did have to pursue alternate means of procuring a copy. For shame, Catherine Asaro! If you are putting your out of print books out as ebooks, maybe do the one that won the Nebula?) Yes, I think I will tag Catherine Asaro in this post, so that if she googles herself, she’ll be like, “You whipper snapper author, get off my lawn” or something. Idk. 

Dear Catherine Asaro, You are my new hero. It’s a travesty your books are out of print. The world is not fair. Maybe one person will read this blog and buy a book, but don’t expect anything.

Where was I?

Okay, so she is GREAT! There’s this whole complicated backstory about the universe and the people who live there. The guys are metallic and they have metallic chest hair, and I’m just enamored with this, and it’s NOT really romance. It’s sci fi with a strong romantic element, but it’s not Harlequin at all. The climax in The Quantum Rose is not whether or not the H and h will get their shizz together and make it work, but a really tense almost courtroom drama thing? And the bad guy is soooo insidious. The female character in this reminds me of an Anne Bishop main character, like soooo innocent and sweet. Such a 90s thing, I think. I don’t mind this. 

This just goes back to the thing I said in the very first blog, where I am harder on indie books than trad books. Case in POINT. If an indie author had written The Quantum Rose, I would have bailed. It took me a good three chapters to even get into it. I was all, “This won the Nebula. It’ll be worth it. Push through!” Okay, to be fair. I did a good bit of pushing on that dragon book too. I tried, okay? Sigh.

Where was i?

So, I’m currently reading The Last Hawk, which is about a guy who is the metallic kind of guy and he crash lands onto this planet where the women are the warriors and the men are subservient and they all have these, like, harems and they play this game, which I first thought was like chess, but is turning out to actually affect the actual world, so it’s a substitute for warfare. And the main guy has so far been in one harem, and then tried to escape, and then got captured and sentenced to this awful jail, and then rescued, and put into a rival’s chess group of men, and I don’t have any idea what might happen next, and I love it so much!

I’m going to really shut up now. That was just a lot of babbling, and I don’t think any of it made much sense.

[valeriec80]

Helicon is here!

Since I mentioned the Helicon series on my tumblr, I thought I’d drop the links here. It’s out today: https://books2read.com/u/49kJOk 

[valeriec80]

I’m back?

Blogging is pretty low on my list of priorities and everything has been a mess lately.

In December, my kid was quarantined, tested positive with asymptomatic Covid, and then there were the holidays, and then I got sick with very symptomatic Covid. We are both vaxxed and I am boosted, but it was all the worst. Then came lots of snow days and my website getting hacked, and...

Blogging.

Has not been a priority.

But I want to blog again. I was enjoying it, and I want to get back into the swing of posting something every Friday.

Here’s what’s up with me:

My scifi romance is doing amazeballs, omg, I am blown away. I want to kiss it. I’m also really proud of the book that is coming out in February, Tempted by Tentacles, which I think very possibly the best book I have ever written. And I stand by that, even though there are a lot of interludes of very hot and very transgressive tentacle penetration. Like. A lot. But it doesn’t sacrifice character development or plot for the sake of the hot scenes. They all work together and by the time you get to the end of it, it’s very much all the feels. It’s... sigh. Plus there’s blowing up space ships and fighting furry monsters in space stations and galactic resistance and everything you could want from a sci fi romance. 

I am still trying to sell my Death Fae books, but my marketing plan is basically not profitable. I’m not losing money either, really. It’s a break-even thing. So, there’s still another book left in that series, and I don’t know when I will finish up the edits on it and publish it or what I’m doing with it, but... mostly a feeling of disappointment about that, currently, but I’m sure I’ll rally around it and get back into trying to get it going. 

I’m still writing JAFF, also. I’m doing another forced marriage, because why mess with a good thing? I think this will be my sixth forced marriage JAFF? I can think of forced marriage JAFF plots forever, okay? I will never run out of ideas for those. So. You’re welcome.

Aaand, I am supposed to be writing the last book in the Phineas and Liam series right now, but I want to get it right and really do it justice, so I put it off to have a little more time for planning. I also am going to write what I think will be the last Wren and Reilly book after that.

I just read a book called the The Wolf and the Woodsman, and it was awesome, and I definitely recommend. I also read The Bear and the Nightingale series, and it was freaking great.

I have figured out what has been causing my fingernails to get so weak in between manicures and it’s a combination of using nail polish remover (even the non-acetone kind) and non-glass nail files. So, to get the nail polish off, I’ve been using coconut oil to get underneath the polish and prying/picking it off. My nails are healthier than ever. Which is good, because I’m addicted to nail stickers.

That’s the news from Lake Wobegon, I guess? 

Hopefully, I’ll see you next Friday.

[valeriec80]

She rolled her eyes. “You’re awful.”

“You like that about me,” he said, lowering his lips to her skin.

She sighed, arching her back as pleasure went through her. “I don’t like that about you. You can be very sweet, and I like that about you.”

“You like everything about me,” he countered.

Rise of the Death Fae #3 is available now! Find it here: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09L2MRQG1

[valeriec80]

I haven’t blogged in a while, because I told myself I had to buckle down and not do anything marketing related except the bare minimum until I worked through my editing backlog, which I have basically done. I do still have the last Helicon book buried on the back burner, and a little tooling on Death Fae #4, but mostly I’m caught up, and those books aren’t due any time soon.

So, to catch up on everything, the first thing I guess is that my scifi romance came out. It’s here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09M7P5F3X It’s doing so well compared to romantic fantasy, OMG! I am easily doubling my ad money. It’s just making CASH! It’s no JAFF, but what is? There’s a definite capacity for growth here, though, like the ceiling is higher than JAFF, which tops around #1000 in the store. So... will there be more scifi romance? Outlook looks good, y’all, yeah. No promises, of course. I’ll need to wait and see what shakes down as the book matures. A recent spike may have had nothing to do with me and everything to do with making Veronica Scott’s new release list. (Squee!!) So, who knows, it could all be downhill from here, but there are three books definitely getting pubbed. Fur is done and we have scales and tentacles to go, girls. Saddle up. ;) 

What else? I want to say that I discovered a new author named Finley Fenn, and she is fabulous, and do yourself a favor and go read all her books. I have a long, spoilerific diatribe of a review in me about The Lady and the Orc, but I have no idea when I’m going to get to it. Stay tuned.

I also have been reading moar Kathryn Moon, and I’m just in love with her stuff. She has two epic fantasy reverse harem series (and I already blogged about the Victorian-esque monster stuff which I loved also) and I can’t recommend them enough.

Currently, I’m reading the last book in Kiersten White’s Guinevere trilogy. It’s YA, and so you can never tell if anyone ever had sex or not. (They were naked, huddling for warmth in a cave after he saved her from drowning, and kissing. It faded to black... I’m head-cannoning yes, what about you?) But beyond this, I love it, and she is one of my favorite authors. I really would like to write some King Arthur stuff sometime, maybe something called Lance & Arthur and lean into the menage? :D

I feel like I should have more to say, really, but I don’t want to get into detailed reviews right now, so I’ll save that for later, I suppose.

For now, happy Friday and I’ll hopefully get back to blogging, lol!

[valeriec80]

No title can contain my words!

Okay, I guess today I’m going to blog about how I’m writing sci-fi alien romance.

I have this problem with sticking to genres. I like write in ALL the genres, so this is why I have seventy zillion pen names littered like space dust across the ruins of the Amazon wasteland, and I know I mixed my metaphors there. I did it to be hyperbolic. Or something. I call it a wasteland, because I’m kind of fickle about it. I’ll write something and then if it doesn’t rise to my expectations of success, I just jettison it and move on to something else and then it just sits there, sinking in the rankings sadly with no one reading it. I have so. many. books just dead in the store that no one has even looked at in months or years. So many. I used to be really broken up over this, but I have come to accept that this is how my writing career works. Some people have other writing careers, but this is mine, and it could be better, but it is, like, a career, so, that is a huge. It’s like when actors are all, “Well, I’m just grateful to be working.” I’m just grateful to be selling any books at all. Thank you, readers. Thank you. I am humbled and pleased by your attentions. (There’s likely some fault to be laid at my own feet for giving up on things prematurely.)

Also, even when things are going really well and being really successful, I’ll get a call, like a small voice, just begging me to go to the dark side and try a new genre.

So, that is what happened with the space alien romance.

I knew I was not allowed to read it, because I knew I would want to write it. I would see it, and I was all, “Val, you have enough genres as it is. NO! Bad writer. Stay away from the shiny.”

But then, when no one was looking, I just sneaked a little Ice Planet Barbarians?

Um.

Yeah, I was right. I wanted to write it right away and thus began the gorge-fest of all the alien romance, just stuffing myself full of hot, hard, muscled alien, uh, words.

Anyway, so I’m doing a trilogy, because go big or go home. We’ll see if I think it’s worth it to continue. I’ve hopefully created a universe that’ll be big enough that I can keep playing in it or for a while if I want to. 

I do think that these days, you can’t just break into a genre with three books and a small facebook ad spend, so I put the odds at even that I get discouraged and drop out. It’s fun, but I don’t have the same kind of love for this that I do for romantic fantasy, basically because the sci-fi romance is a little silly, just by the nature of it. (The universe is peopled with other species, all of whom have the basically same anatomy as humans, except with clit-stimulating enhancements, and ALL their females have died and they all have MATING BONDS and are deep down cinnamon rolls even if they legit, like, non-con you first. I mean, silly, but in all the best ways. *toe curl*)

I’ve attempted to embrace the silly, but... well, I am me. I did my best, okay! I promise it’s not super dark and serious, and that there is so much hot, deviant, monster sex! (Because that is obviously the point of the genre, in case you hadn’t noticed) And one thing I don’t like about it is this tendency for each series to be about the same alien species. Like, no! I want to read about a different freaky alien in every book, puh-lease. So, I am doing fur first, scales second, and finishing up with tentacles. (Eee!)

*fans self*

What are we talking about?

In other news, my Val Saintcrowe Death Fae books are hanging in nicely, and that’s fantabulous. I am working on edits of the two final books in the series, and I am just having crises with them. I really want them perfect, and I feel like there’s something wrong with the Larent-Onivia arc, and I just... I can’t... I’ll figure it out. But I would like to get the third book up for pre-order here, I’m just afraid to commit because I feel like I might need to do another rewrite?

I do have a title! It is going to be called The Crest and Swell of Surrender. Or maybe it’s switched. The Swell and Crest of Surrender? Chime in with which you like better if you want.

See you next Friday!

[valeriec80]

So, more Helicon news!

I have completed the first draft of Strawberry Fields Forever (more on the titling conventions of these books later) and I have also finished my very light fix-the-cringe rewrite of the books, so you can read them now, if you want.

The first book, Dancing Days, is free:  books2read.com/u/3Lw2PJ

And I’ve made the Omnibus of the first four books only $5.99:  books2read.com/u/me9xWY

So, the light rewrite could not fix all the cringe, and I had to just leave some of it. One thing to note is that they are kids, and they are on a journey, and so even if you’re like, “Argh,” remember they might grow out of it. 

Big changes if you’re a fan and not planning on rereading the series:

-I swapped the term non-binary for androgyne, since that’s where we seem to have settled as a society. Genderqueer is also out there as a possibility, but I went for non-binary.

-In the first book, Sawyer originally made a comment about not being transgender and he also ruefully says something about his opinion of his gender not mattering because they do not have “sex-change operations” in Helicon. I did away with all of this. Obviously, Sawyer *is* transgender, but he’s non-binary. I also cut any mentions of Sawyer and surgery, because he typically experiences no physical dysphoria with his genitalia and doesn’t necessarily want it, but if I do mention surgery, I say surgery, not that gross term. *shudder*

-In general, Sawyer’s journey remains intact, but I do want to note that I mostly made Sawyer deny his bisexuality because I felt like, if I were a boy reading the book and I identified with Sawyer, that I might not feel represented, especially when Sawyer is in a relationship with a girl for a large chunk of the series. So when Sawyer was in a relationship with a guy, I made him all with the gay affirmations. Anyway, don’t expect more bisexual erasure in book six, because I’m done with that. So, again, it’s a journey.

-Agler effing Thorn.... Okay, so when Agler and Maddie hook up in Come Together, it was one of those things that routinely happens to me as a writer, where I put it on the outline, and then I’m writing it, and I’m like, “Feck, this is really visceral and intense and WTF, Agler??” Like, maybe it’s not rape, but it’s... Anyway, if I were writing this book now, I would have pivoted and dealt better with it, but I did not, and I could not in my rewrites either, because it would have required rewriting not only Come Together but Over the Hills and Echoes. So, all I did do was to stop making Maddie chirp up with how consenting she was to that travesty ALL the time. (Like, I just want to acknowledge that whole clusterf*ck is way more complicated than what it is and ... Agler, seriously, WTF?) I’m not saying that Maddie was *not* consenting, because she very vocally asks him to do it, but! She’s clearly making that choice for terrible reasons, and he is too drunk to notice. Then, it’s happening, and she’s clearly not into it, and he does. not. notice. until too late. So. It’s gross. I just tried to acknowledge that grossness a bit more in the rewrite. Best I could do.

Titling conventions! So, all the titles in this series come from either Led Zeppelin songs, Pink Floyd songs, and Beatles songs. In that order, in fact. There were originally going to be ten books, but I ran out of steam obviously, so six books. The last book was supposed to be called Helter Skelter, but after Echoes being so dark, I figured we’d just go for Strawberry Fields. 

Anyway, that’s the news from Helicon.

Also, I’m doing a writing challenge next week, so there will be no blog.

See you guys in two weeks.

[valeriec80]

Thrusts and Crests of Fury

It’s Friday, and I have nothing to blog about, you guys!

Rather than just skip the week entirely, I think I’ll instead gush about how great the Thrusts and Crests and Fury launch is going! So great! Battles of Salt and Sighs jumped up to #30,000 in the Amazon store and I’m suddenly making a profit on my ads, and it’s seriously the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to my entire pen name, which is my heart and soul and joy, and I just want to give everyone who read the book a really big hug!!!

And yes, the titles of these books are supposed to be like, Collision of Sexy Words with Fighting Words. How’m I doing?

Okay, well, honestly, I don’t have much more to say than that, so! If you haven’t read them yet, here’s a link to book #1. It is super, super dark fae fantasy. It’s basically An Ember in the Ashes meets The Silence of the Girls with fae. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09C1B3874/

I really hope they keep selling! Thank you to everyone who has purchased or borrowed. I could kiss you. <3

[valeriec80]

Helicon!

So, I have an announcement.

Guess what I wrote 31,000 words on this week?

Yes, it’s Helicon #6, tentatively titled Strawberry Fields Forever, tabled and put off since 2016!

I mean, no one cares about this, truly, except like maybe 3 people, two of which are the only people who have ever messaged me, EVER, about this series that I never finished five years ago. Like, I stopped writing it. NO ONE CARED. 

So, I never finished it. I mean, this series never made any money, and it had no fans, (or okay, not NO fans, but two. Maybe ten. Not a lot, all right?), so I didn’t even feel guilty about it.

Okay, lie, I felt guilty like every single time I thought about it. Anyway, I have these five books floating around in limbo that I feel like crap about promoting, because I haven’t finished the series, and I realized that I write books constantly that make no money. Like, let’s be real, there’s the entire Val Saintcrowe pen name, which is just a big pit of advertising dollars with no profit at all, because whatever I like to write is cursed to not make money (yes, this is true, Valerie, hence why you’ve been supporting yourself with your writing since 2012, because nothing you enjoy writing makes any money. *nods sagely*).

Okay, look, whatever.

I’m writing Helicon now. I’m finishing the series. That’s the point. And if you are one of the few, the proud, the TEN fans of this series, then... this is for you. Because I love you, and I never forgot you, and I was jonesing for drunken decisions, muses all sleeping with each other, an attempt at some plot that was immediately swallowed in soap opera, and Sawyer, Nora, and Maddie, who we all love so much.

I was going to link to the first book here for people who haven’t read the series yet, but I actually... like I first published this book in 2012, and that is NINE years ago. So, uh, I have decided against a total rewrite, because I just don’t have that kind of time. But I do have a few things I want to do to book one before I go saying to people, go read this! Primarily, they involve non-binary character Sawyer Snow. Sawyer does use male pronouns, but he is not a guy (even if, at some point in the books, I think he decides he is, but I think that’s the kind of thing a lot of kids go through when they’re trying to figure themselves out, and I support his journey.) Mostly, it’s terminology stuff, but there are a few cringe moments where I’m just like, “Ick.” Like, overall I’m proud to have a trans character as a main character in series of books in 2012, and I especially dig it as a little smiling wink at Joanne, since HP inspired this whole series and since she would freak out if Sawyer came into the bathroom with her. Hahahaha, Joanne! But, yeah, I have grown. To some degree, it’s also fine, because the characters themselves are also growing, Sawyer included. So, whatever they all are in book one, it’s not where they are going to end up, and the sixth book will also feature a trans man who is not non-binary like Sawyer, so there should be some better representation all around. So, anyway, if you don’t mind, wait until I’m ready to download that book. (Or... download it now for the cringe, but not from Amazon, because once you download from Amazon, they never let you have the updated file. So, get it from Google Play or something, and then you can compare when I give the link out with the newer version.)

For fans! Existing fans! I should finish the draft of book six by the end of October. When I will actually publish this book? No clue. Editing and proofing will take time. I usually won’t publish a book in November or December, but since this book has no audience anyway... *shrug* Who knows?

Last sentence I wrote in this draft: “Sawyer wrapped his arms around Roth and Roth turned and folded into the him, burying his face against Sawyer’s shoulder.”

Happy Friday!

[valeriec80]

Hello from NINC

For some reason, I forgot to blog last week. I did mention not to get attached to my doing these, right?

This week, I’m at NINC, which is a writer’s conference for the organization I’m part of, Novelists, Inc. So, this will be a short post. I’m up before the sessions will start for today. I’m really excited to go to Becca Syme’s presentation this morning, but I’m planning to veg in the sun later here in sunny St. Petersburg, FL. 

What have I been reading? I got into this awesome little book called Romanov, which was on sale--okay, it’s still on sale. $2: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DT64TLH/ It’s a YA historical reimagining of Anastasia with magic. But I inhaled it entirely because she was going to fall in love with a soldier on the other side. The last line of the blurb: “She’s on one side of a firing squad . . . and he’s on the other.“

Um. That is my crack, yo.

I liked it. It was a very compelling read. I did find myself doing that reader thing where I was annoyed with the main character for being angry with the hero for, uh, shooting her, which... like, makes no sense, but it got me thinking that sometimes you want a story to deliver something enjoyable and it becomes annoying when the characters insist on being rational. So, I don’t know what the solution to that is as writer, but it was definitely something I was thinking about.

After that, I somehow discovered there was a movie called The Scandalous Lady W, which had Natalie Dormer and was a historical story from the late 1800s (one of my favorite time periods, because people were straight-up cray-cray) and it’s about this trial where a husband tries to sue his wife’s lover for stealing him from her, and they counter by saying the husband not only knew about the affair but set up his wife with other men because he was a voyeur. (Cray-cray, like I said.) So, then I had to read the book that the movie was based on called The Lady in Red, and now--of course--I want to write some king of fantasy story set in a Georgian-England-type world with all the characters sleeping with everyone else and so much infidelity and lovers and craziness. Aaaand... that’ll sell. *snort*

So, probably should not do that. We’ll see. I might do it anyway, because I can.

Wait, didn’t I say this post was supposed to be short?

Okay, enough already. ;)

Happy Friday.