happyhell

[4077th]

I don’t care how poor a man is; if he has family, he’s rich. (x)

[numberonephantompizza1]

Poppy Fanfic: “Ask Her”

For context: This is a fanfic I wrote in order to join the Poppy Milk dev team and show off my writing skills. Since the callout at the time said we’d need to write a lot of sidequests, I wanted to ask the question of what a Poppy-centered side-quest would be like. I got the idea that it would be from an Asker’s perspective, and everything sort of came naturally after that. Even though I’m on the dev team right now, it’s not canon to Omega Timeline: Poppy’s Story and even has some inaccuracies that contradict canon. With that said, please feel free to read the story below the cut.

---

You noticed something very different inside your room when you woke up. The lights were off and the sun hadn’t yet risen, but there was a certain… aura, coming from your door. You were filled with a certain trepidation, but… you approached it. It was hard to see in the light, but it looked… grey. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stepped through...

...and found about the last person you would’ve expected. The spitting image of Frisk - CORE!Frisk, that was, looking up at you, in the middle of a white void.

“Wh- You’re real?!” you asked, dumbfounded.

“Of course I’m real. Have you been taking all this multiverse stuff for granted? Everything is real somewhere,” Core answered, simply. 

“I… I don’t… and you, me…” you panted, starting to feel a small panic attack coming on.

“Focus,” Core snapped their fingers, grounding you back in reality. Okay, this was happening now.

“Let’s get down to business. Simply: you don’t like me. And I don’t like you. But we BOTH like Poppy. Poppy, my dear, sweet angel… has unfortunately recently come to the realization that Askers ALSO exist in the multiverse. And now she wants to do a ‘meet n’ greet’ with one of her fans. Trust me, I TRIED to talk her out of it, but she can be darn persuasive when she wants to be. And as you’re now realizing, that’s where you come in. 

“I wanna make you a deal. You play along with whatever Poppy wants until she gets bored of this. If you’re on your best behavior - and that means, don’t give her anything bad, don’t tell her anything you KNOW she shouldn’t know, don’t use any magic, and be a general good influence - if you play nice, in exchange, I will allow you to hang out with ANY resident of the Omega Timeline. 

“Want to spend a day full of wacky hijinks with a Papyrus, or even an Underswap Sans? Consider it done. Want to know how Deltarune Chapter 2 plays out ahead of time? I know a Susie with your name on it. Whatever you want, so long as you play by the rules, and don’t ask for anyone obviously ridiculous. So… do we have ourselves a deal?”

You contemplated that offer, and everything that was happening, trying to suppress your inner urge to geek out for just a few moments. The Omega Timeline, Poppy, and all the AU’s you could think of and more were real. And you just got an invitation to visit them.

“Yeah, of course!” you nodded excitedly, though your enthusiasm only seemed to make Core more anxious.

“Don’t make me regret this…” Core sighed, as the whiteness seemed to melt away into a cozy-looking house with wooden floors and lime walls, where you were standing directly outside of a white door. Core seemed to have disappeared.

Technically, there was nothing stopping you from exploring. So you did just that. You walked up to a shelf with some family photos. One was a photo of Poppy, Core, Dusted and Rust all together, in some meadow, looking happy. At least, you assumed Dusted and Rust were happy, they didn’t show up well on camera. There was another photo of Poppy alone, looking somewhat younger than she did on the blog, seated on a chair in a photo that looked far more staged. She held an actual poppy flower in her hand and smiled brightly.

You opened the cabinet doors, curious of what knick-knacks you might find in there. Some crayons, a few random glass cups, some art by 3-year-old Poppy that was so poorly done its meaning was hard to decipher, and a locked box. You reached for the box--

“Getting a bit sidetracked, aren’t we?”

You jolted up, and faced Core behind you. Even though they were child-sized, they crossed their arms with the poise and authority of a stern parent. You laughed anxiously. “Ahahaha… ahaha… ha……..”

“...Strike one.” Core said, and vanished. The meaning of that was all-too clear. Deciding not to dilly dally any longer, you went to the room you suspected to be Poppy’s, and knocked. 

“Just a sec!” Poppy said, and opened the door. She looked up at you, and gasped. “Wow, Granpa really did come through…!” She twirled excitedly. “You must be my adoring fan, aren’t you?” she asked.

You stared down at the girl in stunned silence.

“To be honest, I kinda figured you’d be some gray guy with sunglasses, but that’s kinda silly in hindsight. How you doin’?” She asked that last line in a mock accent as you continued to stare.

“Baby,” you said.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you quickly tried to change the subject. “Yeah, it’s… y’know, it’s great to be here…” You clasped your hands together, biting your lip. You were in an Undertale AU, faced with the AU granddaughter of another AU character. You still weren’t entirely over that. Was this fever dream? Fandom heaven, or fandom hell?

“I know! Once I heard you guys weren’t from the Omega Timeline, I realized I hadn’t met even ONE of my fans… even if you guys are super annoying some of the time.” 

“Uhhh, yeah…” you wondered if you should apologize on behalf of the askers who put Poppy in the hospital that one time. Then again, it seemed kind of awkward, and it might have been best not to bring that up while Core was watching, which was always. Looking down at the cutesy girl, it was almost tempting to pull her into a hug, but you managed to keep your composure. 

“I wanted to do something a little more special than just some sorta interview, though, because you ask me questions all the time anyways,” Poppy said. “Granpa said you’ve never been to the Omega Timeline before, so I wanna give you the big tour!” Poppy went to the door. “I’m gonna be outside when you’re ready!” She left the room.

Seeing the empty room in front of you, you were tempted to snoop again, but you’d learned your lesson after last time. You headed straight out after Poppy.

You couldn’t help but gasp in awe of the serenity of the great outdoors as you were beckoned to it. You’d been outside before, obviously, but everything just looked so… nice. The blue sky, the grassy grounds, the ornate buildings… you’ve seen this place in pixel art and a couple drawings before, but seeing it with your own eyes was another story. And the next thing for you to nearly faint at was seeing the Undertale characters running around, Sanses, Undynes, Frisks, even goat moms. 

Poppy smiled. “...It’s nice, isn’t it? I KNEW taking you on a tour was a good idea.” She smirked. “Now remember, just because this is a meet-up doesn’t mean it’s free, and there WILL be a fee at the end of our ride.”

“...Uh… I left my wallet at home,” you said, patting your pockets, “And I don’t have any, uh... ‘G,’ I think. Unless the G stands for ‘Gratitude,’ amiright?” you did finger guns.

“G stands for Gold,” Poppy corrected you bluntly, unamused. She returned to her chipper attitude just as quickly, though. “Now, let me show you around!” She led you down the street. 

Walking with her, seeing so many versions of your favorite characters in the flesh, walking around… well, the temptation to talk to SOME of them was irresistible, Core be damned. You did resolve not to go too far off-track, but you shared some words with the folks you passed by, Poppy thankfully stopping each time you did. You met two Frisks - one boy, one ambiguous - an Underswap Undyne, a human version of Toriel, and surprisingly, a version of Princess Peach.

You and Poppy approached an elegant fountain, stood upon proudly by a statue of a mustachio’d CORE!Frisk. “This is the Timeline Plaza! It’s sort of the local park, where people meet up to do... stuff. Just hang out. Make a picnic. Play ball. All that good park-y stuff, y’know? And there’s stores in all directions, so it’s pretty good.” She proudly showed off her home to you, with a smile.

You talked to more on the way to the next place. An Inverted Fate Papyrus. A weird Ralsei who said his name was “Noyno.” An Asgore wearing a hoodie, who you assumed was swapped with Sans. (Poppy did scold you a little bit for this, telling you that just because someone has a hoodie you shouldn’t assume they’re swapped. You apologized.)

“This is Grillby’s! One of them, anyways. The nearest one to my house. It’s pretty good if you want an OK burger. Sanses love the place, though. It’s… kind of unhealthy. And a little gross.” Poppy said. “Especially when they just drink… raw… ketchup.”

“Can’t handle a little ketchup?” you smiled mischievously. “We drink it by the gallon back in my universe,” you lied.

“...I really hope you’re joking,” Poppy said, alarmed.

“Am I?” you smiled brighter.

“...W-well, we’re not going in there, so you can FORGET about drinking that much ketchup!” Poppy said, afraid of the sheer power of your ketchup-drinking.

You and Poppy moved onto the next spot. You met an Underswap Alphys who seemed to be trapped in a red-and-gold palette. You met a robot dressed as a circus ringmaster, who claimed to be a Chara. You met a Dummy dressed in a Frisk shirt. (You didn’t assume it was swapped with Frisk this time, which turned out to be a mistake, because it was.) Poppy stared at you awkwardly now, wondering why you were talking to all these random strangers. Finally, you and Poppy reached your next destination.

“The theater! Where we show off all the greatest hits! Including MY movie, which, not to brag, but it’s--”

Except, you’d been distracted by a hyperdeath Asriel, and were ignoring Poppy for the moment.

“...” Poppy spoke up. “That’s what I don’t get about you.”

“Huh?” that seemed to wake you up, and you looked at her. 

“Everytime it’s always, ‘have you met Underswap Sans,’ or ‘have you met JangoTale Frisk,’ or some other weird thing. You always ask that. But… they’re just people. Why do you always assume I know some random Sans or Frisk or someone?”

“I…” you were a bit taken aback. “...I don’t… we don’t assume you know them, they’re just… they’re just important.” 

“Important?” She asked. “...I-I mean, yeah, EVERYONE’s important, but, I don’t really get what you mean…”

“They’re all--” You paused, trying to collect your thoughts, think of everything you knew from the blog, and tried to actually talk to her. “...They’re like friends to me. Kinda.”

“...You guys are friends with them? I thought you were stuck in your world…” she frowned.

“No, it’s like-- I’m not ‘friends’ with Underswap Frisk, or-- or Storyshift Frisk, or Shifty or whatever, I’m just friends with… Frisk.”

...Poppy stared at you like you just said the ground was turning to jelly, or something equally bafflingly inane. “...I… think you’re confused. Look, sometimes newcomers struggle with this. Your Frisk isn’t the only Frisk--”

“I know! It’s… You don’t get it. This world, these worlds are so special and creative, and they mean a lot to me. I know we can be really edgy, and I know we ask weird questions about Dusted and Rust, but that’s all because… because...” you paused.

Poppy looked, seeming upset about hearing her siblings mentioned in the context of ‘edgy’ questions, not seeing what you were seeing. Core, standing behind her, holding up a hand signal.

The number two.

You were getting carried away. You overstepped.

“...Um… I’m sorry.” You pulled her into a hug as Core vanished. “There’s really no reason for us to ask those questions. We can just be dumb sometimes.”

“...” She hugged back. “Yeah, it’s okay. I knew you guys were super weird and dumb before I convinced Granpa to let you in here, so I guess I should’ve seen this coming,” Poppy smiled, regaining her confidence as you did your best to not be offended at being called weird and dumb.

“Okay! I think I have just one last stop in mind to cap this tour off on a high note! Literally, hehehe…” She giggled mischievously. This time, you didn’t stop to talk to others, following her directly as you approached a peak overlooking the town. For yet another time, and probably the last, you couldn’t help but ogle at the town’s beauty. “Pretty good, right?” She sat down.

“Ha… with all the climbing, I was worried we’d fall down a mountain,” you joked. Poppy seemed to roll her eyes, as you sat beside her. “...I guess I get how you can call this place home. I mean, once I stop nerding out, anyways. You don’t see stuff like this in my… reality.”

“Just gallons and gallons of ketchup, huh?” she commented. You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Yeah.”

And you two just stared into the distance for a while. ...She wasn’t just a character. She was a human being.

...Or, technically just a ‘being,’ scratch the human part. Still, you felt a bit desensitized to all this. And so did she. You related in that way.

“I can’t say you exactly passed with flying colors, but you fulfilled your end of the agreement well enough.”

Without any warning, you were back in a white void with CORE!Frisk, just like before. You almost forgot about the deal you made, what with all the time you spent with Poppy. You stood.

“Uh… yeah. So, my reward…” you drifted off, remembering the offer Core gave you. The chance to meet just about any AU character of your imagining… or at least, any that would be peaceful enough to be in the Omega Timeline. Which still left a WIDE variety of options…

Who did you want to see? What mattered most to you?

...

Thinking deeply… you told Core their name.

“...Oh. Really? Well, I guess it makes sense for you that you’d want to see them,” Core remarked. “I can’t guarantee they’ll give you what you’re looking for, but a deal’s a deal. Let’s head off.”

You and Core went somewhere else.

---

And that’s all she wrote! If you read this far, thank you. Working on the game since then has been fun, and I think you’ll like what we have in store. Until then, ciao.

[kpopfanfictrash]

Hi Shanna! I really liked how detailed and technical ur dance ranking of twice was--as someone who has no formal dance experience, it was enlightening. Would u mind doing one for bts? Only if u want to of course :)

Hello! I have a few of these in my inbox, so yes! I will do this one for bts (but then I must stop before this becomes my blog LOL). I’ll give the same caveats I gave for Twice, though. 1) Dance is always somewhat subjective because it’s an art form. I can talk about technique, but at a certain point my favorite dancer might not be someone else’s favorite dancer because of performance quality, and 2) ALL OF BTS ARE GREAT DANCERS! You don’t become a professional performance artist without already being head and shoulders above the rest. At the end of the day, all are fantastic. 

NOTE: Please don’t use my words on any other platform/to respond to the boys. I’m posting only to give some insight to their skills, not to try and critique BTS. They have dance coaches, trainers and choreographers for that. They absolutely do not need some random person on the internet telling them what they should be doing.

With that in mind, here are my personal thoughts/loose ranking of bts at dancers:

1. Jimin. Not that I’m biased. LOL but seriously, part of the reason I’m drawn to Jimin is because he’s such a fantastic performer. With dance, a lot of people think it’s just body type which can make or break a dancer. To some extent, this is true. If you aren’t born with amazing arches, turnout or flexibility, there’s only so much you can do to improve. That said, there’s a certain intrinsic performance quality which also can’t be taught. You either have it, or you don’t and Jimin has it. It’s mesmerizing to watch him on stage. He has such fantastic control when he dances; his execution of choreography is flawless, but he also puts his own spin on things without standing out too much (a bad thing, when you’re dancing as part of a group!) Jimin does have a background in contemporary/ballet,  which is different from Hobi. One of the places this is visible is in how grounded Jimin is with his transitions/how he finishes his movements. This is SUPER dorky of me lmao, but one of my favorite moves I’ve ever seen him do is this roll up from the ground at 2:05. The absolute CONTROL Jimin has; his heels don’t move an inch, which is so hard to do. Another impressive move to me was the jump Jimin did in the Dynamite dance break (1:09). Neil Haskell did this freaking move all the time on SYTYCD lmao, and it was a staple “trick” on the dance circuit for years, because it’s hard and requires a gymnast/martial arts background. LOTS of control and complicated timing. I could honestly go on for pages about Jimin’s performance quality, but I’ll stop and say one other thing. I occasionally see people praising Jimin as an amazing contemporary dancer (on par with professional contemporary dancers), and I do think it’s important to clarify Jimin diverged from that path nearly ten years ago to become an Idol dancer. Those are two very different styles of dance and although Jimin is FANTASTIC, it’s okay for him not to be the best at every single dance style! lol he’s the first one to say (because he has, while watching the black swan orchestral video) he couldn’t do some of the things professional contemporary dancers can do. (I will add though, yoongi is also right in that I have full faith Jimin COULD have done those things, had he chosen to pursue that path). ANYWAYS. I’ve rambled enough about how much I love Jimin. ONWARD!

2. Hoseok. Surprise, surprise! LOL okay, so let me start by saying out of all BTS, Hoseok is what I consider the smartest dancer. What I mean by that is, the man never burns out. He knows when to conserve his energy and when to go all out. Hoseok is the master of rise and fall in intensity, and there’s a reason he’s highly regarded by all dancers in the industry. Hoseok also seems to have a choreographer’s mind, whereas you don’t see this as much with Jimin. To clarify, being a dancer and being a choreographer are two separate things. It’s like being a soccer player versus being a coach. Being a choreographer requires a big-picture mentality not all dancers have. Hoseok has this though, and you can see this in the natural leadership role he takes whenever they’re rehearsing on their own. He sees mistakes, fixes transitions, etc. (it’s hot, but I digress). Hoseok has a background in various styles of hip-hop, which is really clear when he freestyles. He’s demonstrated popping, tutting, locking and more, which you really only learn through rigorous hip-hop training. His MMA 2019 solo is WILD because he showcases like, five different styles all within a minute. They’re all sub-genres of a genre (hip-hop), if that makes sense. He doesn’t have the same contemporary background as Jimin, which is somewhat apparent whenever BTS leans into more contemporary styles (spring day, black swan, etc). Hobi is good, don’t get me wrong, but his spot isn’t as natural, he’s not as flexible and sometimes you see him overthinking movements. But anyways, Hoseok fancams are the BEST. Go watch one today.

3. Jungkook. Jungkook has improved SO. MUCH. Y’ALL. I can’t stress this enough! A lot of BTS fans probably remember Big Hit sent Jungkook to LA for a few months prior to debut to get him to loosen up in his dancing/improve his performance quality, and boy did he ever. Overall, I think Jungkook’s biggest strengths are his 1) endless stamina (wtf lol) and 2) lately, performance quality. When I’m talking about stamina, I mean Jungkook always goes full-fucking-out in performances and it catches the audience’s eye. One example which comes to mind was during MMA 2019 Dionysus. If you start at like, 2:10, BTS does this really exhausting floor part and then you see everyone around him conserving their energy as they move into the next chorus. It’s supposed to be a breather in the choreo lmao but Jungkook is FULL OUT. It’s his intensity and strength which really makes him stand out as a dancer. If I had written this a year ago, I would’ve said Jungkook’s biggest weakness is contemporary dance. The flip side of the coin to being strong is it can be difficult to slow things down and display the same intensity with slower music. Then, he went and did Black Swan. Like... just watch this spring day performance and contrast it with this black swan one for jungkook. He has gotten SO MUCH BETTER at staying grounded, moving through his transitions, instead of rushing past them to get to the next step. I’m just really proud of him. I still think hobi + jimin have a leg up on him, but Jungkook is a close third.

4. Taehyung. When you get to Taehyung + Yoongi, things start to get blurry. But since this is a list of my personal preferences, I’m going to put Taehyung first because for me, performance is everything. In my opinion, Taehyung’s performance quality is second only to Jimin. More immature dancers will often refer to performance as “making faces.” I.e., purse your lips on count five, smile on count 8 and frown on count 1. A mature dancer though, knows dancing is really an extension of acting. You need to embody the emotions of the song and convey them to your audience, and not just through your facial expressions! I think Tae does a really great job of this, and I’ll often watch his fancams, even though his dance technique isn’t as strong as say, Jimin or Hobi. That’s Taehyung’s main weakness, in my opinion. If he’d started dancing at an earlier age, or taken ballet/contemporary.... lord, idk LOL. help us all.  

5. Yoongi. THIS MAN! Used to be a b-boy and the background is crystal clear if you’ve ever watched a Yoongi fancam (and if you haven’t, what are you doing with your life?) There’s an effortless quality to his movement and, when he wants to, his strength + performance quality rival Jungkook or Taehyung. That said, I think the main reason I’m not ranking Yoongi above them is consistency. Yoongi, simply put, isn’t a dancer. He’s a rapper/producer who likes to dance and enjoys dancing as part of BTS. I’m not saying he doesn’t like it, but it’s not his main passion, unlike some of the others. His intensity can vary depending on his visibility, which again, isn’t a bad thing. When Yoongi does turn it on, he turns it ON. He’s also very comfortable onstage, which is important. Yoongi doesn’t hesitate in his improv (esp. in his solos or rap line performances), which gives his stage quality a more natural ease.  

6/7. Namjoon + Seokjin. I honestly don’t know who I would put as seventh; it’s hard to pick. And again, I don’t consider either of them to be bad dancers. It’s just when you have a group of people and some have prior dance experience/a strong passion for dance, and some don’t... it is what it is! I will say I think both Seokjin and Namjoon have grown tremendously over the past years. They’ve become so much more comfortable onstage, and it really shows in their performance quality. Sometimes, being confident you won’t look stupid is half the battle LOL. The other thing I’ll say is their execution of choreography is always down pat. You’ll rarely see either one messing up the steps, which means they practice a LOT. Sure, there are areas where their technique could be improved. Quality of transitions, staying grounded through difficult moves, always using their spot on turns... but I think it’s amazing that, despite their lack of formal dance training, they both keep up with some of the above dancers. Like... fuck it up, guys. 

and that’s all! thank you for reading if you made it this far LOL WOO, BTS!

[that-house]

Hey so I hit 100 followers today!

Buckle up, this is gonna be a LOOOONG post.

I quite honestly expected it (while my ego is a little smaller than my jokes make it out to be it is definitely present), I didn’t expect it to happen so fast.

It’s not an insane milestone, plenty of people have 100 followers. A hefty portion of my followers are bigger than me. But it’s still important to me. Knowing that there’s 100 people out there who enjoy my shit makes me happy.

First and foremost the credit quite honestly has to go to ahegao George Washington. No, I’m not joking. Until I posted on r/tumblr about my desire to draw that, I had 0 followers. I jumped to like 10 overnight, which was awesome. And then those new followers helped me spread my posts and get more attention.

Secondly I’d like to shoutout @imaverysadgirl and @themeaninglessjumble. You two were my first real tumblr frens. You were the first of my followers to really interact with me. Ember, I’m super happy you’re alive to see me hit 100 followers. Jumble (I don’t know your name unless I forgot it), your art and creations are great and you deserve way more attention.

To all the rest of you, you guys are great, too. Every new follower makes me happy. I’d say I don’t deserve you all, but my colossal ego says I do. Regardless, being nemesi and getting called out for being horny on main and sending and receiving asks has made this last month or so great.

Finally, for all the shit it gets, and for all the shit it pulls, [tumblr] really is pretty dope. I got to meet you all, and it’s actively making me a better person by exposing me to groups of people I’d rarely interact with in real life.

Why does it feel like I’m saying goodbye? I’m not, don’t worry. I plan to stay, and neither death nor pain shall drive me from this hellsite. I’m just saying thanks.

Now with the thanks out of the way, I want to talk about myself a little. Just the stuff that I’ve always wanted to say and never quite gathered my thoughts and found the time to talk about.

You’re gonna get to know me so well! This is like a mini autobiography!

First off, my mental health. This is something I don’t talk about much on this blog, mostly because it doesn’t need much talking about. I’m doing pretty well, to be honest. I have a smattering of anxiety and I’m maybe a little too introverted for my own good, but I’m not suffering from depression and the only time I ever even remotely considered suicide was when I just really really didn’t want to go to French class. COVID has been great for me, since I don’t have to see people. I suppose I’m not a great person to talk to if you’re struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, seeing as I can’t personally relate, but I’m still always here for you guys if you need me. Just because I haven’t lived through your experiences doesn’t mean I can’t try to help.

Next up I want to talk about my sexuality. This one’s a bit of a mystery. For the past 16 years of my life I’ve considered myself 100% straight. But lately (let’s be honest, following the release of Spirit Blossom Thresh) I’ve been wondering if I might be bi. How many times can I joke about wanting to smash sexy boys before it’s not really a joke anymore? And if I am, a lot of things would suddenly make a lot of sense. But every time I think I have it figured out it suddenly feels like I have no clue what’s going on. Regardless, my sexuality has honestly never been a massive part of my identity (though I’m definitely not asexual, my friends can attest I’m far too horny for that). I have no clue if I’m bi and for now it’s kind of a fun little adventure!

I guess I’ll talk about school and stuff now. Believe it or not, I’m kinda smart. I’m taking a shitton of AP courses this year. But I simultaneously feel like it’s too much and not enough. I’m smart, but I’m not a great student. Compared to my dad, who graduated college with a 3.98 GPA (and his only B being in History of Canada as an American) and now has a super well-paying government STEM job that he loves, I feel like even if I work my ass off I’ll never quite measure up. And my parents have had super high expectations of me, and it’s only recently that they’ve started to accept that I might get some B’s here and there. I’m worried about all the homework this year. I’m a year ahead in Math but I don’t feel good enough at math to be taking AP calculus junior year. I’m worried I’m going to get like a C. But for the most part school is alright, too. That’s sort of the trend in my life. Everything’s alright.

Time to talk about my love life! I have no love life! I’ve been single for 17 years and probably stand no chance of changing that until at least college! Haha I’m so alone! But I can live with it. Growing up an only child with a few friends means that I’m pretty good at functioning without a ton of social interaction, and, while I’d like a partner someday, I’m not desperate. I can wait until I find someone. Pretty much my goal is not to die alone.

Onto sports maybe? I played soccer for most of my life, and was always the worst player on the select team. I was too good for the normal team and not good enough for the select team (kinda like math). Soccer was really toxic, especially when you’re the worst player on a team of high school jock drug addict boys. So I quit, and started playing frisbee! It’s a lot better. The people are nicer! But my first season never happened because of COVID and now I’m in my Junior year and haven’t played much frisbee! So I kinda suck! But I’m physically fit and that’s good enough for me! On my own time I bike and run to stay in shape.

Are you still with me? Now I’m gonna talk about my hobbies and things!

I’ve been playing video games for a long time. I kinda suck at them to be totally honest. I probably have below-average reaction time, and my parents only let me play 15 minutes a day for most of my childhood, so I have a lot less practice than most of my friends. I’m pretty slick with Swain in LoL tho.

This next part is borderline shameless self-promotion, but since the Kickstarter isn’t live yet I guess it doesn’t count. I’m making a tabletop role playing game! I’ve been working on it for the past few years. My goal is to launch the Kickstarter prior to my college applications, because that’ll look sexy as fuck to potential colleges. It’s a post-apocalyptic sci-fi game where you play as supersoldiers trying to reconquer the wastelands of Earth for humanity. I’ll do a big post on it when I launch the Kickstarter, and I guess that’ll also be a full name reveal (kinda spooky since my full name is ENTIRELY unique and one-of-a-kind. More ego boost lmao).

And finally I want to talk about my art and writing. I’ll start with my drawing, and finish off with my writing, since that’s what I’d most like to be known for on here (but that’ll never happen because my caveman brain shitposts are too funny).

So I’ve been doodling for a long time. I briefly got formal art training but sacrificing my Saturday mornings to draw what someone else wanted me to make so that I could make better stuff in the future didn’t appeal to my 8-year-old brain. I draw in the margins of worksheets. I draw on random sheets of paper. Recently my parents bought me a drawing tablet, and I’ve been trying to improve at digital art. I’d say I’m getting better, but I don’t practice nearly enough. All in all my art serves its purpose. It makes people laugh and can sometimes creep people out. It’ll never go in a museum, and I’ll never make money off of it but whatever.

And finally, my writing.

How can I talk about writing without talking about reading? I’ve likely read more books than both my parents combined, and if not, it’s close (and my mom is a prolific reader too). I have three bookshelves in my room and books on every surface. You can’t follow me for long without seeing a post ranting about my latest read. I love to read and I read incredibly fast. Reading spurred my love of English class, which in turn helped me write.

And finally, we get to writing in and of itself. I’ve been writing stories since I was a little kid. I’d like to think I’ve improved a fair bit. I’m still no novelist, but I consider myself a fairly adept short story writer.

But I suppose where my writing really stems from is my bed. Every night while I’m lying in bed, I tell myself stories until I fall asleep. I work on a story until it’s done or until I get bored of it. Along the way, in the shower, on my bike, I build the world of the story, crafting the plot. Sometimes the stories are elaborate fanfictions of my latest reads. That’s probably how they started. Often, they’re unique worlds all of their own. My current writing posts are about the City of Mammon, but my current story in my head is about some vampires who hunt other vampires in Victorian England.

And now we get into the process of writing. It’s fun! I sit myself down with an idea in my head, and use all the fancy words I picked up from my books to convey the vibes I want. I honestly wouldn’t be a great writing teacher. It’s just a skill that comes naturally to me as a result of what I’ve been doing with my free time my whole life. And it’s beautiful. And every time someone compliments my writing or reblogs it, I love writing just a little bit more.

Well I guess this is it. The 100 follower special. I wonder how many of you guys will take the time out of your day to read this. Hopefully a lot!

James (or That House) signing off for the night!

<3 thanks guys

[nightfayre]

creator tag game! 🎭

tagged by @notthatiwilleverwriteit! thank you love, and I’m so sorry it took me this long to finally respond!

1. When did your creative journey begin?

mm, I would say around 11-12 years old? I’ve always been shy and self-conscious with what I’ve created, so unfortunately I don’t have many records about my creative process. I can say, however, that writing poetry for my early english classes really started the platform for my creative writing. I also am a visual artist (which are skills I’ve neglected for the past few years) and that began in middle school art classes!

2. What is the earliest creative piece you remember making?

a poem in sixth grade, which conveyed a different message when read forward versus backwards. I really thought I did something there, huh? still, I remember how proud I was to present it :)

3. What is your favorite and least favorite medium?

for writing, a computer. while there is a certain appeal to jotting down quick notes/ideas with pen and paper, I tend to be more efficient with a keyboard. I also use the notes app on my phone if a particular scene/quote/idea pops into my head, but writing with my phone is just too painstakingly slow and prone to error. 

for drawing/painting, watercolors! it’s a tricky medium but I love how much you can do with it. it’s just so aesthetically pleasing to work with and the texture you gain from it can’t be matched. I just love it, truly!

4. What, if any, training do you have?

none at all for writing, unless you consider advanced english courses in high school as training. however, that was more analytical writing than anything else. still, AP courses allowed me to delve into genres I would usually never consider and research how so many great writers came to be. (and truth be told, I love analyzing literature. there are so many messages about the world that I’ve learned from classic novels that I am so glad I’ve been exposed to). 

for drawing, I took advanced art courses in high school as well as an art “boot camp” during the summers. other than that, I haven’t had much training at all!

5. Is there a medium you wish you were better at?

drawing, haha! I know I’ve only posted a single piece of fanart on this blog, but that’s because I’m highly self-conscious after neglecting my art skills for nearly two years. I know that I must continue to draw to get better, but I’m discouraged by the drop in skill I’ve had since I was in high school. it’s a merry-go-round of failure, but I’ll break past it one day!

6. Do you have a favorite muse?

so many authors, both in online fanfiction and published literature. I honestly don’t have the time to type them all out, and a few of them are obscure, haha. but nothing gets me going more than a single quote that hits me hard and fast!

7. What insecurities do you have about your creations?

in terms of writing: plot holes. update inconsistencies. the potential of writing a character OOC. syntax. dialogue. historical/geographical/cultural inaccuracies. (do you want the rest of the list in alphabetical or numerical order?)

8. What do you think are your best skills in your creative field?

world building! imagining a scene/setting comes easily to me, though putting that scene on paper is another story. I love creating backstories, motives, traumas, etc for characters, and I love building upon the aesthetics of their surroundings. it truly is the most enjoyable part of writing. 

9. What advice would you give an amateur creative?

don’t get discouraged by the other creators that will eventually surround you. getting caught up in the statistics will ruin you some day. just focus on you and your progress, and draw inspiration rather than frustration/jealousy from peers. never undermine your own potential! the person you want to be in three years won’t be that person unless you’re yourself today!

10. Who are some of your favorite creatives?

old xian, haga + kang jiyoung, bong joon-ho, virginia woolf, joseph heller, bastille, hozier, astoryaboutwar, and so many within the 19 days fandom!

I’m not tagging anyone because as far as I can tell, everyone has been tagged! thank you for letting me hop onto this tag game!! <3

[delyth-thomas-art]

5 Things

Tagged by the wonderful @niuniente

If you get tagged in this you have to reblog this with 5 things you love about yourself that you worked hard to acheive. Like your art skills, hair, knowledge of owls, make-up, etc. Then tag 5 people.

1. It's been nearly a year since I lost my job due to my boss firing me over bringing in a sick note due to being accessed as chronically depressed / suicidal. In that time I've started up my art business again and have now managed to just about cover my bills (Thank you my loverly Patrons!), Letting me heal and return to my passion of art. Depression is still a fight I am knee deep in but with determination and the support of those around me I'm no longer drowning.

2. I've had to conquer some of my big anxiety issues to get my art off the ground. Such as using emails to contact clients, ring strangers to deal with orders and apointments and leaving the house to meet local creators.

3. I've really dived into raising a mixture of plants, both house, garden and fruit / veg. They have helped me find a satisfaction I've missed in life but also remind me too also take of myself so I don't wilt or let mental weeds sprout. My Sundew plant is my prize baby atm and currently has 3 flowering stalks.

4. I put together a Discord server to spread positivity and to help fellow arts grow and flourish, where a range of skills come together to teach each other and support one another. Recently I put together a fun weekly art challenge to bring the group together and see how we approach the brief.

I always get excited to see how everyone grows and learns.

5. I've become far more honest about myself and who I am. I spent a lot of my life shouldering expectations from family, teachers and friends. Shamed for many things I enjoyed. So I've shed those chains and dived into what I love, drawing for myself, working on my fantasy novel and playing pokemon among other things. I no longer feel ashamed being nerdy or dressing un-lady like. I'm me, and everyday I'm discovering something new to love and share.

I shall tag @shinonart @lumaris-blog-blog @cthelmax @jiko29 and @yasuohatsu

[dawnfelagund]

Maedhros and/or Indis for the character meme?

@thecurseofhotfeet​ also asked for Maedhros, so I’ll go with him for now, but I also got an anon ask for Indis, so she’ll be along later in the week. :D

(Thank you, btw, for all the asks, everyone! I will get to them all, and yes, you can keep sending them! This was such an amazing gift to get me back into writing and thinking about Tolkien every day. ^_^)

Favorite Thing: His leadership. He exemplifies, to me, someone who knows what it means to be a leader. He certainly has a better grasp of this than his father, who was highly skilled in getting people fired up to do things but lacked Maedhros’s self-awareness and ability to act in a way that benefits his people rather than feeling right in the moment.

My favorite quote below says more about this.

Least Favorite Thing: He failed miserably at that leadership three times.

The kinslaying at Alqualondë can be seen as less of a leadership failing since Fëanor was still in charge, and one can read his resistance at Losgar as perhaps realizing too late that Fëanor was not entirely stable or acting in the best interests of his people. But the kinslayings at Doriath and Sirion are really unforgivable. He was the leader and in a position of influence to stop them, and he didn’t. The moral compass and willingness to sacrifice himself for the greater good that we see elsewhere isn’t to be found here.

Of course, this illustrates as well the power of the Oath, but I have never like absolving the Fëanorians of responsibility for their deeds on those grounds. Maedhros could have stood aside again and didn’t, and that’s a problem.

Favorite Line: From The Silmarillion, “Of the Return of the Noldor”:

That region was named thereafter the March ofMaedhros; for northwards there was little defence of hill or river against assaultfrom Angband. There Maedhros and his brothers kept watch, gathering all suchpeople as would come to them, and they had few dealings with their kinsfolkwestward, save at need. It is said indeed that Maedhros himself devised thisplan, to lessen the chances of strife, and because he was very willing that thechief peril of assault should fall upon himself; and he remained for his partin friendship with the houses of Fingolfin and Finarfin, and would come amongthem at times for common counsel.

This quote shows exactly what I was just saying about how he was generally willing to act for the greater good, even when he served to lose the most. Key to this, too, was that he had known the torments of Morgoth and was willing to risk them again in order to preserve others.

(See why this guy has fascinated me to write about for fourteen years now? Also why I grudge the kings of the hidden kingdoms for the accolades they receive, purchased in part by the sacrifices of characters like Maedhros?)

brOTP: Oh, Maglor, without a doubt. In the Felakverse, these two are closest in age, only eight years apart, whereas there are twenty-five years between Maglor and Celegorm (and twenty-six between Maglor and Fingon, the eldest cousin). So they are the equivalent of teenagers when their brothers and cousins are still kids. They are best friends and remain so throughout their lives, unfailingly loyal and devoted to each other.

OTP: I do have an unfailing soft spot for MaeFin. (Yep, keeping the old-school name for this pairing, no offense to Russingon.) I love stories about them, and despite myself, they have made it into my stories more than I ever intended, the Republic of Tirion (where they are canon) being the key example of this.

nOTP: Really, none? Okay … Maedhros and his mom. That would be weird and icky. But this guy has been paired and slashed with nearly everyone, and I’ve read quite a bit of them.

Random Headcanon: Finwë adored Fëanor but harbored no delusions about Fëanor’s suitability as king. And for all his noise about the succession, Fëanor didn’t really want to be king either. He wanted the symbolic place in his father’s family, not the responsibility and the sacrifice of the actual job. So Finwë started training Maedhros from a young age to take on this role, for when Finwë was ready to abdicate. It was never explicitly stated, but Fëanor saw what was happening and supported it. As such, Maedhros alone of the Fëanorians lived extensively in the city of Tirion and was involved in politics prior to the Darkening.

Unpopular Opinion: Well, I kind of started writing about Maedhros in the first place because I harbored an unpopular opinion, namely that the Fëanorians were not evil degenerates. What spurred me to open a blank Word document and start furiously typing the first chapter of AMC was a comment on a poem about Maedhros found on Fanfiction.net that said something like, “You’ve made me see that Maedhros is the true villain in The Silmarillion.” Like … what? Huh?? Maedhros???

I’ve never believed him–or Fëanor, or even the most misanthropic of his sons–to be evil. I think the story is about their fall and how it came about, and that is what makes The Silmarillion interesting (and scary) to me. (I tackle this subject in this blog post here.) At the same time, I’ve also never sought to absolve them of responsibility for their horrible deeds, which makes me unpopular also with the other side, the extreme Fëanatics. No, I am fascinated by how such an illustrious family could fall so far.

Which incidentally made me popular among many in the middle, but it continues (amazingly, to me) to be a controversial stance.

Song I Associate with the Character: Okay, so I am making a playlist on Spotify called “Maedhros and Fingon”! I’ve been working on it for months now without much to show. My absolute favorite song that I can’t hear without thinking of them, and Maedhros in particular? Fuel, “Hemorrhage (In My Hands).” I mean, listen to that and tell me that is about anything but Fingon rescuing Maedhros on Thangorodrim.

Favorite Image: Oh, there’s so many! Of all the Silm characters, I have the biggest crush on Maedhros. I do love me some beautiful Maedhros art. My most recent favorite: Maedhros with a Manbun by the inestimable @hrymfaxe. This is pretty much Maedhros relaxing after a day teaching middle school in the Republic of Tirion series while Fingon cooks them dinner.

[thatyorkshireguy-blog]

It’s About To Get Chile

My apologies for the graphic photo that i’ve chosen to lead with here, but it just about sums up the emotions of the last 12 months and what i’ve put my body and mind through just to achieve what was required! To keep on going! 

For my first blog post I’m going to have to hang my ‘Yorkshire plums’ out a little and bear my soul to you. So apologies, but it’s going to one of some length (giggedy) for me to be able to give you a full idea of my story and who this blog is aimed at. 

My name is Liam Grady and i’m a 35 year old marketing and communications specialist. 

I am a born and bred Yorkshire man.... Doncaster in South Yorkshire to be precise. 

Here’s the big one........ in less that 3 weeks time, I will be moving my entire life to Chile, South America. 

Why? But of course people....I move for love... for a beautiful chilean woman called, Fran Díaz Abeleida.

(Here’s the night we first met in London)

I met Fran in September 2017 when I was working down in London for just three days. Turns out Fran was on the last two days of her trip around Europe and making her way back home to Chile.  What were the chances we would be stopping just one street away from each other in England’s capital during that time? Crazy to think about! 

Well after two incredible evenings with this lady, I headed 170 miles via car back up north (The land of Yorkshire Puddings and more friendly folk) and Fran headed 7500 miles via a plane back to South America, not knowing if we were ever going to see each other again. 

The face that you actually see in the one above with Fran was taken at a time when my life may have been at my weakest, from a mental health point of view. During this stage of my life I wasn’t happy with who I was as a person and I’d hidden that fact through the bottle and party lifestyle for many years.  I always loved the people in my life and loved the ‘job’ that I did as a communicator......I was just missing something in my life. I didn’t respect myself - I will elude to what contributed to this downfall further down the story. 

As dramatic as this sounds, just a few days after meeting Fran, I could have killed myself or someone else as not for the first time id stupidly drink drove my vehicle. The ‘straw that broke the camels back’ as they say, was when I nearly crashed my car into my house mates car, and my own house. I felt so lost and I didn’t know what the problem was to be able to fix it. 

After some very harsh but ‘said with love’ words from a few friends, I decided to take an even more dramatic step and actually fight to survive....and this very much ended up being in the literal sense. I’d been training in martial arts over the years, on and off, very much off... more than on! 

However i found emotional and physical comfort whilst I was training at a place called Charles Martin Martial Arts for a charity fight in 2016. It helped me very much, and it was a team mate that turned to me and said I should fight properly this time.

I thought this person was crazy, as anyone will tell you who is in the fight game, that preparing....even for an amateur fight in K1, Muay Thai, Boxing or MMA is one of the hardest things you will do in your life. You have to change everything.

In November 2017 my life changed.....

For two months I started to train three times a week and i’d told my coaches of my issues and where I wanted to be and how much I wanted to change. I knew this was going to be difficult but I had no choice. I needed this. 

At the same time I’d been talking to Fran over text and voice calls for a few weeks but i’d started to feel like it could be a bad focus of my attention or that there maybe no point in this communication, because how could we ever see each other. 

I remember ‘THE PHONE CALL’ with Fran. I told her that I was concerned nothing would happen, or how could it even happen for a while given the circumstances.  It was Fran’s turn to motivate and inspire me, as she was absolutely gutted that I didn’t think ‘the relationship’ would go anywhere and she proceeded to at first be very upset... but then the next 15 mins turned into one of the most beautiful talks i’d ever had. 

I couldn’t believe this beautiful South American was willing to take a risk on me and at least try to make something work between us. 

At this moment I stopped being a ‘wimp’ (not the best word but one I described myself as at that point) and I really started to fight.

Fran then took a huge step and booked a flight to see me in February for a two week break. I couldn’t believe it. But I still didn’t feel like I was anywhere near good enough or right for this woman. I also needed to dedicate my energy to this person as she lived so far away and to stop me from being tempted with other life distractions that made me hate myself in the first place.

So the training went from 3 days to training between 5-8 times a week. I was dedicated and so focussed and proceeded to change much in my life. My energy levels towards work improved and my whole outlook and positivity started to raise to places id never even been. I was actually starting to like to the person I was turning into. 

February 2018 was approaching fast and both myself and Fran were very anxious, scared and excited about seeing each other. Although we had spoken pretty much every single day since we met each other, we hadn’t seen each other for over 6 months and we had only met each other twice in person!  Yet again, this seems a little crazy doesn’t it. 

That day came when Fran took another 7000 mile trip. I will never ever forget she arrived on that train and looked at me. Our eyes both welled up and I knew at that moment I was already dreading the point of her leaving. We had the most incredible two weeks together. 

Doncaster isn’t the most beautiful of locations in the U.K (according to most) but during Fran’s trip we had some of the worst snowfall in recent times and it added something so magical to the two weeks. 

Awesome hey? 

Fran left during the first week in March and although devastated I just knew I wanted to be with her so badly but I also.... I knew realistically I might not be able to see her for some months to allow me to save up enough money to make the trip happen. 

April 2018 had arrived and so had my first fight. Everything I had worked hard for was here...my moment ... everything was set up beautifully. My opponent was over 15 years younger and was coming fresh from a victory.  What happened next I wasn’t expecting....

During that 1st round of my first fight I was absolutely rubbish and my opponent battered my for the first 2 minutes. I wondered what the hell I’d done. But one thing in life I had discovered is that I always had a big heart and it would take a lot for me to actually give up.  I might not have had the skills my opponent possessed but my mind and heart had become that of a warrior. 

Although physically shattered just after the first round, I came out the second like a totally different guy. I ended up winning that second round landing a good sweep and a good right hand which had my opponent rocked back. It was however too little too late and over the fight my opponent won a well deserved decision. That first fight taught me so much. 

After the fight was over I felt an emptiness inside and over the course of the next few weeks I could feel myself slipping back into my weak points because I didn’t have training or my beautiful Chilean with me.  It wasn’t long before I quickly realised that I needed to be with Fran ASAP!...but in her country and not in mine. I needed a change of everything. I just had no money to get there. 

My job that I was in at the time only paid me enough to cover my bills, just get by each month and it didn’t give me the mental or physical freedom to use my skill set to its full potential. 

In order to get me to Fran I know I needed to do two things, change something with my work life and go back to training straight away with the view to fight again. 

During June and July I did everything I could to improve my life. Work hard during the day in my normal office role (Communications Director), train hard for two hours every day straight after work and then any spare time I had would be dedicated to helping others with their social media/marketing - FOR FREE!!!! I wanted to pay my time forward with the hope that deep down something would come back to me. 

This is exactly what happen...

At the start of July, i’d produced a document on social media for one of the business members at a co-working studio called ‘Helm’. From that one document caused a ripple of actions. 

I’d received a call from the founder of Helm, a good friend and contact, Liam Swift. He asked whether i’d like to do a presentation on social media at the next ‘Doncaster Digital’ event, which takes place at the Helm studio every month. 

I agreed and put together a presentation that was true to myself and something that could help many businesses understand more about their social media channels. This event turned out to be one of the best attended Doncaster Digital events with over 40 different businesses attending my talk. 

(Here’s me giving the talk on that night at the studio and one quite happy straight after - I am the one jumping higher than the rest as you can see!) 

So I was told it went very well indeed. 

Actually....my phone would not stop with texts and calls of support that night. At around 11.00pm, Liam Swift dropped me a text message to say that there was a couple of people in the room who were watching very closely and that I may get a text in the morning from a business regarding help they required. 

The following morning I received a text message from the founder of football coaching brand, Mini Kicks. He wanted to meet me to discuss a potential opportunity about working with them and them helping me on my mission to get to Chile. This had me very intrigued.

I received that text message at 9.30am and by 12.00pm I was having lunch with the Mini Kicks founder. 

By 12.45pm I had received a job offer that again was a turning point in my life and by 2.30pm ....i’d handed in my notice and effectively quit my other job that day.

The offer at that time was just too good to refuse. It was only a short term solution but it allowed me to achieve what I needed to straight away and give me the freedom to build up a personal brand before I left for Chile. 

It is the first time, hand on heart that I have ever......ever shed tears of pure joy and emotion.  I phoned up Fran, burst out crying and just said....”I can come to Chile”. I just couldn’t believe this opportunity had happened! 

If truth be told I wanted to just fly there and then but I couldn’t leave the country until I had done a few things. The first was fight again and that came last month in October, and the second was to be a best man at one of my closest friends weddings. This happened last weekend. 

My life was finally coming together but I was still having to manage money and effectively start my own business and go solo again. 

Fran even came to see me again in September for a few days which although she became very unwell during her time here - literally as she landed, it was a chance to show her what a person I could be in times of illness. It was just great to be with her! 

How much can one person try and achieve in just a short space of time?

Ok, so now it was fight time once again! I’d trained so hard for this next fight, physically and mentally took me to places I hadn’t been, but due to a bad injury suffered in August I wasn’t able to do any sparring. Which was bad news for me because in October I fought an absolute beast of a guy.  I also had to come down to 70kg which I was 77kg when I started this journey the November before.  

Again fight day came, and with my closest friends and family there to watch, it once again seemed that everything was set up to go out with a bang and leave as a hero.  

We were ready...and I had unfinished business. 

From the first bell I wanted to show that i’d improved...and I had. I was calmer, better on my fight...just better all round. However i’d been matched up once again with a very powerful and skilled guy.  He caught me with an uppercut that badly broke my nose and for 10 seconds he knocked the sh*t out of me....and he went for the KO.  On shakey legs, I managed to quickly back off and then out of nowhere I landed a right of my own which then rocked my opponent. The commentators were going mad.  Another moment i’ll not forget.   

In fairness my opponent took the first round just on the better shots landed but we both exchanged some great punches and kicks which made it a great fight.

Then came a defining moment which I believe my friend and one of my corner men, James Hartley, put better on Facebook - which i’ll share with you now (Again another read, but it’s hard for yourself to put into emotions).

James’s (gent in the lovely shirt haha) word’s really capture what I went through on this journey of self discovery, on a journey of doing what I had to do to be a better person not just for Fran, but mostly for myself. I’ve had a crazy 12-18 months! 

If I didn’t love myself, how could I ever allow myself to fully love someone else or allow them to fully love me. 

To just bring it back to why I was in the mental state I was at the start of this story.....

Over 8 years ago, I ended up losing my best friend in a car crash and my dad through cancer, within 6 months of each other and all I did was pack all that pain up and pretend like it didn’t matter. Hiding tough times through drink and a party lifestyle, which was absolutely bullshit and I allowed that to start destroying myself from the inside out.  Up until I met Fran and my love for martial arts, I just never knew how to love properly....and thanks to both of those things, I now can.  I am so excited about life and in less than three weeks I will be flying to Santiago, Chile, to be with my lady.  

My mission is to make her happy, save lots of street dogs and help other people, whether that be in business or just in life. 

I wanted to share this story because it gives you an idea of if you truly want something, if you’re truly willing to improve yourself and get to where you need to be in life, it becomes fight or flight and you have to fight for what you want.....you have to!  And I did and will continue to do so.  Don’t hide grief and pain, and do lean on people for support, they give you the strength when you least expect it. 

Although this is quite a personal post, I want the people and brands that I will be working with moving forward to know the type of person that they are working with and I truly hope it helps people discover that they can achieve anything they want. 

Oh, I ticked of the best man duties as well....that was last weekend and it was one of the best days of my life, and a memory that will stay with me forever. 

So cheers to you U.K. Leaving my country, my life and especially my friends will be the hardest thing i have ever had to do, maybe even harder than my fight journey. But it is easiest the most exciting thing I’ve ever done.

Thank you so much to my friends and family who have supported me along the way.  A huge thank you to the people at Helm and at Mini Kicks.

One of the biggest thank you’s has to go to my coaches and team mates at Charles Martin Martial Arts, I don’t think they truly realise what an impact they have had on my life and how much it truly as changed.

Of course the biggest one goes to my girlfriend, my partner and the reason I am moving country...... Fran. You inspire me to be better for both you and for myself. I can’t wait to see you in three weeks time. 

And Chile....I am coming for you! 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it was long (giggedy) but I am grateful for your time. 

Forever humble...

Liam Grady

That Yorkshire Guy. 

Please share this with anyone who might find this helpful and please follow me on Facebook and Instagram - just follow ‘THAT YORKSHIRE GUY’  - I will be sharing my entire journey via Instagram and I am hoping to collaborate with some amazing brands on this journey. Please get in touch on my IG page or lgrady83@gmail.com. I will get onto this more on my next post. 

[league-of-light]

Week 4 Pick’em

Look, I know I’m late on the picks this week.  I wanted to get them in yesterday, but other things came up and I didn’t get to it.  I’m sorry, ok?  To make up for it, I have written quite the long pick’em for this week.  I’m not entirely sure if I will be able to make them this long every week, but I think I should be able to. 

Why would I spend all this time writing the pick’em? Great question.  Isn’t there a more productive use of your time? Probably.  Will, you’re moving next week, shouldn’t you be packing or something?  Are you just spending way more time writing picks as a means to delay the inevitable anxiety you’re going to feel about starting a new job and moving?  Do you think this is the healthiest way to deal with that? Psh, you’re not my therapist. 

Anyway, here goes

Yerboi vs Brenner? I hardly know’er

This Will vs. Brenner bout, should be promotionally billed as “Chronically Injured and Underperforming” vs “Complete Lineup Ineptitude”. Both teams come into Week 3 at a resounding 0-2, and are looking to get their season on track after some of high profile trades in the first couple weeks of the season.

There are always big expectations when you make a trade in Fantasy Football.  Typically speaking, you hope and expect that the players you got are going to outperform whomever you traded away (or at the very least perform somewhat similarly). Unfortunately, that won’t always be the case.  Sometimes there are weeks like last week, where JuJu outscored T.Y. Hilton and I am forced to sit there and reflect on how I would have won if I just kept JuJu.  Other times, there are weeks like this week, where Brenner ensures he doesn’t have to deal with the emotional trauma of a trade gone awry because he benches the players he traded for. (No there aren’t, this literally never happens)

I pick myself, simply because I don’t think I’ve actually ever seen a team projected to score as few points as Brenner.

Story To Watch: How quickly it will take Drew Brees to score more than the 3 points Brenner got from Tyrod Taylor.  My guess is 4 plays.

Tangiphil vs Hewie and the Hashslingers

After a fairly explosive first week of the season, we can all finally exhale — Phil’s team is bad again. Shockingly, his 3-headed Running Back Monster is down a head.  Unlike the legend of the Hydra, instead of another head growing in it’s place, Phil decided to chase last week’s bench points and play Nelson Agholor.  If you check his bench this week you may notice Joe Mixon outside of the IR slot, Isaiah Crowell’s wasted 18 point TNF total, and another Jets receiver.  That’s right folks, it’s week 3 and Phil is already in midseason form.

But enough about Phil. Steve is 2-0 and I expect his win streak to continue this week.  In my humble opinion, his team is underprojected with only 98 points, as Big Ben, Melvin Gordon, and Marvin Jones all look poised to be playing catchup in potentially high scoring games.  Look for Steve to hopefully rise in the power rankings after squashing Phil.

Story To Watch: He may be the second head of a three two-headed running back monstrosity, but Adrian Peterson is going to look more like Mike Wazowski than James P. Sullivan this week.  The Packers offense comes to FedEx Field with an offense that looks like two-day expedited shipping, while the Redskins offense has been looking like the Pony Express. Game script gets away from the ‘Skins and they abandon the run.

Kyle vs Sean

Close to half of this league isn’t from Rockland, so I’m going to use this opportunity to tell a story.  To the hometown heroes - some of the overarching details may be incorrect, but I don’t care I have the talking stick. If you want accuracy you can write the damn blog post next week.  Anyway, in sixth grade every middle school student has to take World History.  The curriculum is geared towards ancient civilizations, and a decent chunk of time is spent on Egypt.  As such, every year there was (is?, not sure if they still do it) a grade-wide Egypt project where students had to use their knowledge of Egypt, make something, and showcase it to the class.  Think of it like a science fair, but with crappy Egyptian dioramas instead of baking soda volcanoes.  Since I was a bright eyed ambitious young man who loved art and mythology, I knew I would do great on this project.  I chose the ambitious task of making a sculpture of Horus, the Falcon-headed man prince of the Egyptian pantheon. It wasn’t long before I realized my doodling skills didn’t translate well into making 3D models, but I was in far too deep.  I molded the clay as best I could, and then “accidentally” left it in the oven too long so it burned to a crisp and was nearly unidentifiable.  Needless to say, I didn’t do very well on that project.

Why am I telling you this? Because look at Sean’s team.  Does it look real good on paper? Sure. Does that mean he is likely going to win this week? Probably.  But has his overconfidence blinded him into creating a team made of glass with absolutely no depth in a 16-team league? 67%, yes.  (Because that is the grade I got on the project.)

Story to Watch: Alex Collins has become the running back equivalent of Hillary Swank.  Hot or not? Stay tuned this week and find out…

You Guys Again vs. Johnson Ertz

The moment you’ve all been waiting for is here folks.  I…..I can’t believe it’s finally happening.  After almost two full years, the day has finally come.  Dylan Feldman vs. Dylan Costa are facing off in a fantasy football matchup which I am officially dubbing “The Battle for the Right to be Called Dylan in the Fantasy Football League Group Chat” (and since we love our acronyms here, aka TB4TR2BCDITFFLGC).  Two Dylans enter, only one Dylan leaves. This matchup is arguably one of the most important matchups we have ever seen in this league, and has a chance to change the history books forever.

Unfortunately for Dylan Costa, his squad isn’t exactly striking fear into anyone these days.  I’ll have to go with Dylan Feldman, but his lineup has more red letters than Hester Prynne after an all weekend slumber party at Arthur Dimmesdale’s Dimmesdale Dimmahome.

Story to Watch: With the return of Aaron “I smoke Marijuana so Bowers thinks I’m a bad person” Jones coming back to Green Bay, Jamaal Williams’ usage should be monitored. As the kids say, he hasn’t been very good over the past two weeks, and Aaron Jones is ready to come in blazing *~!420!~*

Bearkley vs. Watch Me

Imagine my shock when I saw I won the bidding war for Ryan Fitzpatrick.  I immediately rushed to find the owners of the Tampa Bay WRs so I could celebrate our good fortune as Fitzmagic showers us all with fantasy points.  Now imagine my shock when I saw Samantha has benched Chris Godwin, not only a rookie (we all know my irrational hype with rookies), but a rookie whose name is lit a combination of God and Win.  I don’t know about you, but doesn’t it feel like Samantha has renounced God and doesn’t want to win this week’s matchup?

On the flipside, Nico runs our Dungeons and Dragons group, and if the 80s taught me anything it’s don’t feed weird aliens after midnight, and that D&D is for devil worshipping heathens.  With any hope of good Christian fun squandered for this matchup, it really is anybody’s game.  I want to believe in the underdog, but more favorable matchups lead me to believe that Nico will pull out the W.

Story to Watch: Saquon Barkley caught 2 of 6 targets week 1 against the Jags.  That number increased to 14 of 16 targets last week as Eli Manning completely lost interest in holding on to the football for more than 1 second.  Is it possible that Saquon receives 28 targets this game as Eli Manning has to look JJ Watt and Jadaveon Clowney in the eyes?

Washington vs. Walshington

I want to take a second here and pour one out for Walsh, who didn’t answer my trade offer or my text message regarding Dalvin Cook and Allen Robinson.  Walsh, you took an injury bullet for me and I will forever be grateful.  It’s appropriate that I mention taking a bullet, because rumors have it Frank Gore was actually there when the first metal bullet was shot in 1425.  Between Gore and Kerryon Johnson, Walsh will be lucky if he gets 14.25 points from his running backs this week.

Andy surprisingly continues to ride or die with Andrew Luck, despite Luck being unable to throw the football more than 15 yards. At this point I assume he is just taunting Arielle with Bortles on his bench, and we have to assume that if Bortles continues putting up 30 point games, eventually Andy might start him.  The biggest story on this squad is how Andy managed to get two of the best big play boom or bust WRs with John Brown and Will Fuller, while also having Amari Cooper and Mike Evans.  That’s a solid receiving core you got there pal, and I just want you to know I see it and appreciate it.

Story To Watch: C’mon, it’s Philip Lindsay.  Every week it’s Philip Lindsay. Everyone loves a hometown hero and I have greatly enjoyed watching this kid ball out.

Bowers v Arielle

I’m high on Dylan Leone Arielle’s team this year.  How could you not be? It was drafted by a man who has $45,000 in fantasy football great young woman who has shown her commitment to the league.  For whatever reason, ESPN’s site stopped working just as I was going to look at this matchup, so unfortunately I am going to have to give an abridged write up of my pick.  I have played these teams back to back so you would assume I know who is on their rosters, but I can’t remember anything other than Russell Wilson and James Conner on Arielle’s team, and Golden Tate and Kirk Cousins on Bowers’.

Based on this limited memory alone, I suppose I am going to pick Bowers in what will likely be another close matchup for the Reikland Reavers

Story to Watch: The story of life as I take this momentary absence from ESPN’s Fantasy Football to reflect on the finer things in the world.  Like Yahoo Fantasy Football.

Jason v Harnsowl

ESPN is still not working for me, neither on my phone nor my computer, so I can’t really give much analysis here.  However, not much analysis is needed.  Unlike his godless sister, Jason is a man of faith. And if George Michaels taught us anything, it’s that you gotta have faith.  You gotta have faith, faith, faith.  Carson Wentz returns this week and I don’t care whoever Harnsowl is playing, it doesn’t really matter.  I mean, as far as the matchup is concerned it might matter, but emotionally speaking, Jason has already won this week. 

I can’t be expected to pick a winner in a matchup that already has a winner, so instead I’ll take this time to remind you to spay or neuter your pets.  Bob Barker used to do a fantastic job of reminding the American people to do so, and if I am being completely honest I just don’t think Drew Carey delivers the message with the same panache. Like sure, I know Drew still says it at the end of the show, but does he really even believe it? Only Drew can really answer that question, but if I had to guess I would bet $100 $101 Drew.  While we’re on the topic, if any of you ever manage to go on Price is Right and you do that thing where you bid one dollar higher than someone else did, you can consider our friendship over.  Not only is it the worst strategy ever, it’s also rude as hell to the other contestant.  In some cases I’m sure the people legitimately don’t know what to bet after someone else bet around the same thing they did, but for the love of God at least bet like $10 higher so there is some tension in the room.  

But yeah, back to football, I pick Jason

Story to Watch: The next episode of Price is Right, Monday September 24th

[segadores-y-soldados]

Everything You Want to Know about Reaper and Soldier: 76

HAPPY REAPER76 DAY!!

In light of today’s news (and the chaos of Blizzcon), I figured a post on what we know about Reaper and Soldier: 76 is probably appropriate.

Please remember to reblog or retweet the original posts from Auttoton/Autolikescake! (here: http://auttoton.tumblr.com/post/167297655733/i-attended-a-panel-at-blizzard-tonight-with-jeff and here: https://twitter.com/Autolikescake/status/928528808445014019)

“Overwatch's short list of prospective agents included two members of the soldier enhancement program: Morrison and Gabriel Reyes, a senior officer. Reyes, a hardened and highly respected veteran, grew up about as far from rustic Indiana as you could get—the sprawling urban melting pot of Los Angeles. Despite their differences, the two soldiers became friends. Their decision to join Overwatch together would change the world, for good and for bad.”

(source: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/blog/19809396/) Buckle up - this is one of the longest ones yet!

One thing to keep in mind with this article - “Fading Glory: On the Trail of Jack Morrison” - is that it is written in-universe from an unreliable background narrator (the journalist Olympia Shaw).  It contains both “facts about Reyes and Morrison,” but it also contains her biases and is tinted with her view and understanding of the world.

Similarly, all sources cited from within the universe of Overwatch are from very specific perspectives and typically told through an unreliable narrator.  At his 2017 GDC talk, “Thinking Globally: Building the Optimistic Future of Overwatch,” Michael Chu had this to say about Blizzard’s storytelling for the characters:

“One of the things that we really like doing with Overwatch is playing with perspective.  We utilize perspective when we tell stories about what characters are thinking, what their goals are - and we have a lot of unreliable narrators.  We want people to pay careful attention to what characters think about in particular situations.  We want them to use their judgement and knowlege of a character’s thoughts to come up with their own ideas about the universe.” - Thinking Globally (Timestamp: 34:35 https://youtu.be/bj56ejM5EcU?t=2075) 

This is important because the majority of our information comes from characters with a certain lens on their own words and narratives - Olympia Shaw is one, yes, but others in this story of Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison include: Sombra, Moira O’Deorain, Jesse McCree, Ana Amari, Reinhardt Wilhelm, Torbjörn Lindholm, etc.  

And of course - 

Gabriel and Jack themselves.

In my opinion, the beauty and fun of the relationship is digging through the details and seeing how much the two characters share together - in the canon story, in their in-game skins and quotes, in their alternate variations, everything.  Their nearly 30 years of shared history and close personal relationship (in whatever form it takes) makes them a fascinating and interesting pair together and separately.

Let’s start from the beginning!

---

SEP: The Soldier Enhancement Program

“Before long, [Morrison] earned a coveted position in the government's controversial and still-classified (but widely acknowledged) "soldier enhancement program." Military scientists shaped Morrison and other inductees into the perfect soldiers, blessed with superhuman speed, strength, and agility. Morrison and his fellow augmented soldiers would soon put their abilities to use with the advent of the Omnic Crisis.”

(Source: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/blog/19809396/)

Up until extremely recently, very little was known about the “Soldier Enhancement Program.”  People have speculated about the nature of it, how deeply it affected Gabriel and Jack, how the experiences through it shaped the nature of their early relationship, etc.

What We Do Know:

Soldier: 76 has always had an in-game skin titled “Commando” since the launch of the game.  Originally, I described this as a reference to the 1970′s/1980′s films about special operations “commandos” such as the Schwarzenegger film by the same name (http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/157378862270/reaper-and-soldier-american-cultural-references) The new “The Art of Overwatch” artbook also confirms this was originally an homage to the 1970′s:

But soon, the Commando skin came to represent something deeper for Soldier: 76 (and Reaper as well).

When the “Uprising” comic was released, there were two panels depicting an aged Strike-Commander Jack describing his experiences in the Omnic Crisis for the first time:

Many people had guessed that the Soldier Enhancement Program was part of a special operations group, but this was the first time this idea was effectively confirmed.

For those of you who may not know, “special operations” are defined as:

Special operations (S.O.) are military operations that are "special" or unconventional and carried out by dedicated special forces and other special operations forces units using unconventional methods and resources. Special operations may be performed independently of or in conjunction with, conventional military operations. The primary goal is to achieve a political or military objective where a conventional force requirement does not exist or might adversely affect the overall strategic outcome. Special operations are usually conducted in a low-profile manner that aims to achieve the advantages of speed, surprise, and violence of action against an unsuspecting target. Special ops are typically carried out with limited numbers of highly trained personnel that are adaptable, self-reliant and able to operate in all environments, and able to use unconventional combat skills and equipment. Special operations are usually implemented through specific, tailored intelligence. (Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_operations)

“Commandos” fall under the category of “limited numbers of highly trained personnel that are adaptable, self-reliant and able to operate in all environments, and able to use unconventional combat skills and equipment.”

When the “Uprising” playable event was released in-game, it was quickly discovered that Soldier: 76 had been given a new spray titled “Commando:”

But so had someone else.

After nearly a full-year since the game’s release in May 2016, Reaper finally received an image depicting him as a “Commando” from the Omnic Crisis Era.

But above all else - 

The sprays are meant to be paired together.

They are a reference to the Contra logo:

...Or you can do the reverse, which makes them, uh - 

You can see why people went all out with the “Commander Reyes and I” quote.

Now, with Jeff’s new quote, we have repeated confirmation of what the two characters meant to each other, even from the very beginning:

“The story that we're developing is actually, like–no, these guys loved each other–like–they're like, best war buddies.”

(Sure, Jeff - “best war buddies,” I got ya)

Even from the outset, Gabriel was described as being “a senior officer” to Jack, but that despite differences in their ranks and backgrounds, the two men were friends:

“Overwatch's short list of prospective agents included two members of the soldier enhancement program: Morrison and Gabriel Reyes, a senior officer. Reyes, a hardened and highly respected veteran, grew up about as far from rustic Indiana as you could get—the sprawling urban melting pot of Los Angeles. Despite their differences, the two soldiers became friends.” (source: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/blog/19809396/)

The Commando sprays - on top of being a cute gaming reference - show their closeness in their early years, when all they had was each other and their special operations squad, in what was an incredibly hostile, incredibly dangerous, incredibly uncertain environment -

Both in the war against robots

And in the “Soldier Enhancement Program.”

Soldier: 24 and Soldier: 76

“The Reaper is an extremely volatile mercenary, a ruthless and remorseless killer responsible for terrorist attacks across the world. He has fought in many armed conflicts in the last decades, showing no loyalty to any cause or organization. Survivors have described a black shadow ghosting unscathed through the most hellish battlefields. The few bodies recovered of those he kills are pale, empty husks drained of life, their cells showing signs of intense degradation. It is possible that he is a byproduct of failed genetic alteration which forces his cells to simultaneously decay and regenerate at a hyper-accelerated rate.” (Reaper’s profile: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/heroes/reaper/)

“[Moira] was recruited by Gabriel Reyes to be a member of Blackwatch.  And uh, during that time she had relationships with the Blackwatch crew - McCree, Genji - they all have their own sort of likes and dislikes for each other.  Reyes wanted someone could help advise him on, uh, some matters of genetics that he was, uh, interested in, shall we say.” - Michael Chu, 3:47 (https://youtu.be/HsJU3PEk9JY?t=227)

After much speculation about the “decades” line in Reaper’s profile, it appears Blizzard has finally confirmed that - yes - something did happen to Gabriel during SEP.

Something that altered him all the way down to his genetic core.

Fans have been throwing around the idea that “Soldier: 76” is a reference to Jack Morrison’s “Soldier Enhancement Program” number for quite a long time (it’s a personal favorite of mine...which I guess should be obvious at this point, haha), which also led fans to speculate on if Gabriel Reyes ever had a Soldier ID number, and if so, what would it be?  People used numbers like “13,” “75,” “666,” etc, but after the reveal of Moira, the Oasis map now has the above folder in her Genetics lab (a spawn room on the University point).

This folder mirrors another one (or rather...two) that can be found in the LumériCo building on the Dorado map:

Was Jack aware of the changes in Gabriel’s biology?

The honest answer: we don’t know for sure.

The hopeful answer: yes, he did.

In theory, it would be almost impossible to hide a secret of that magnitude for the nearly thirty years that both men were together.  This is coupled with a few other things:

1. Reaper’s description of his “rogue mercenary work” for “decades” appears to fit the definition of clandestine and covert operations to a tee.

Since it’s been confirmed that both men were “commandos” or special operations personnel for the U.S. military, both men knew the skills, tactics, and values of the nature of unconventional warfare, special operations, clandestine and covert operations, and possible “black operations.”

Clandestine and covert operations are military or intelligence operations in which the first one is a secret or concealed operation entirely, and the second one is an operation in which the sponsor or parent organization is concealed.

The United States Department of Defense Dictionary of Military and Associated Terms (Joint Publication JP1-02, dated 5 January 2007) defines "clandestine operation" as "An operation sponsored or conducted by governmental departments or agencies in such a way as to assure secrecy or concealment. A clandestine operation differs from a covert operation in that emphasis is placed on concealment of the operation rather than on concealment of the identity of the sponsor. In special operations, an activity may be both covert and clandestine and may focus equally on operational considerations and intelligence-related activities." (JP 3-05.1). (Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clandestine_operation)

It makes a ton of sense when put into perspective - by the time of the Omnic Crisis, Gabriel Reyes was likely a young commander in charge of a special operations group or squad on behalf of the U.S. military (I personally see them as part of the Army’s Special Forces (aka “The Green Berets”), but you might prefer a different organization), and either him or his squad was recommended to the “Soldier Enhancement Program,” which likely pooled special operations groups of different ranks, skills, assets, tactics, and potentials to chemically and biologically “enhance” them before sending them out to fight robots.  Jack Morrison, while younger, may have had similar skills or was at least in the process of being trained to use or hone them.  Most special operations groups are relatively small in terms of the number of people per group or squad - the ground level units of ODAs (Operational Detacthment Alpha squads of the Special Forces) only have 12 people per squad, and each squad can break down into smaller teams of 6 people if the mission requires splitting up or dual-tactics.

The original Overwatch Strike Team only had 5 - 6 people on it (depends on if you think Liao is still a character in development or not).

Gabriel Reyes was the original commander of this group, and may have tailored the group to suit the small-team, clandestine and covert tactics he was used to, or requested that the Strike Team remain small and flexible for unconventional warfare methods in a time when major military operations were failing against Bastions, OR-14s, and Titans the world over.  It is not an accident that each member of the original Strike Team appears to also have special operations training, as well as covers major principles of unconventional warfare (e.g. Torbjörn and “combat engineering,” Ana and sniping, Ana and “overwatching,” Jack and combat medicine, Gabriel and “force suppression shotguns,” etc).

Jack Morrison, having also been trained in unconventional warfare and different types of special operations, likely would have understood the need for small, highly skilled, highly specialized teams to conducted clandestine and covert operations, intelligence and reconnaissance missions, and other special operations/unconventional warfare tactics.

In my opinion, it does not make sense that Jack never knew what was going on with Gabriel’s biology, but rather probably worked with him to use it in a way Gabriel was comfortable with and knowledgeable about.

In other words:

2. Gabriel and Jack’s commando backgrounds, along with their early Crisis and OW Strike Team experiences, likely led to the joint decision to form Blackwatch, Overwatch’s covert operations division.

This is likely going to roll into the next part, but effectively, Jack Morrison himself probably created the Blackwatch division, or - with whatever internal Overwatch powers and abilities afforded to him as the new, Post-Crisis Strike-Commander - gave Gabriel the authority to create the Blackwatch division as he saw fit.

Every description of Blackwatch calls it a “division” within Overwatch, meaning that while Gabriel was the division commander (much like how Torbjörn is later described as the “Chief Engineer”), Jack Morrison was the final end in the chain of command.

(Source: McCree’s profile: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/heroes/mccree/)

(Source: the description for the “Blackwatch Reyes” skin)

(Source: Moira’s profile: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/heroes/moira/)

And Gabriel’s “Blackwatch Reyes” skin has always had an Overwatch logo on his left shoulder.

(Which you would think would kinda defeat the purpose of a covert ops division, but all well)

Which brings me to my next point

Overwatch and Blackwatch

“[...] after they defeated the Omnic Crisis, Morrison was actually given the top position of power and Reyes was overlooked because he was too rogue, he was too maverick in his leadership style–he ruffled too many feathers. And a lot of our fans have assumed "oh, that's why Reyes and Morrison hate each other," and the story that we're developing is actually, like–no, these guys loved each other–like–they're like, best war buddies. And in a lot of ways, Reyes was relieved that Morrison had to have the more political role, and like, he was like kind of–it's always easier being the number two guy because you're not ultimately accountable for all that, Reyes was kind of, you know, in some ways thankful and relieved, um, and weirdly, we're gonna show how that relationship actually was Morrison's downfall because for so long, Morrison would actually defend Reyes's questionable actions. And to us, that feels more like what would actually happen between real people and less just, um, typical cliché black-and-white "this guy is bad, that guy is good," you know, we want to have that depth of relationship because I think it's ultimately more relatable to all of us as kind of human beings.” - Jeff Kaplan in yesterday’s reveal

The greatest part about Jeff’s response yesterday was that it basically confirms all of the above:

Gabriel likely had more experience and more depth of skill in clandestine and covert operations, which did not mesh with the United Nations’ vision of Overwatch moving forward.  Sure, during the Omnic Crisis, Overwatch was a special operations and unconventional warfare group specifically designed to infiltrate and destroy Omniums, but after the war was won and the dust of the “near robot apocalypse” settled, the United Nations wanted to expand Overwatch from a single small squad of highly skilled individuals to a much larger organization tasked with enforcing and maintaining peace.

Gabriel probably had very little experience with that, as indicated by Jeff’s line “he was too rogue, he was too maverick in his leadership style–he ruffled too many feathers.”  Even if he was and is a skilled tactician and covert ops leader, that does not necessarily translate to public-speaking skills or political maneuvering abilities.  Jack Morrison, however, may have performed these attributes better during wartime, interfacing with other military or civilian groups on behalf of Overwatch’s secret missions, as well as potentially interacting with their parent group, the United Nations (and/or the UN Security Council).  We know that the Under-Secretary General who helped form Overwatch - Gabrielle Adawe - spoke highly of Jack’s teamwork skills:

"Even I had my doubts about whether Overwatch would succeed," UN Under-Secretary-General Gabrielle Adawe, one of Overwatch's key architects, said shortly after the end of the Omnic Crisis. "But Morrison never gave up hope. He didn't just meet our expectations for what Overwatch and its agents could achieve; he shattered them." (Source: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/blog/19809396/)

I’ve also seen fans’ speculate that, given Soldier: 76′s biotic field ability, Jack may have been the Strike Team’s original combat medic, or something based on that.  Despite being an in-game healer, Ana Amari’s biotic rifle did not develop until much, much later after the Crisis, when Angela Ziegler (Mercy) had joined Overwatch.

(Notice the two names the blueprint is addressed to, btw.)

In all her “old pictures,” Ana Amari is shown with a few different rifles, but they all appear to be standard sniper rifles.

And all of Soldier: 76′s voicelines about the biotic field are heavily team-focused:

Get over here and heal up!

Anyone need some healing?

Come here and get stabilized.

Field’s down.

Biotic field activated.

Everyone, heal up.

Time to heal up.

Heal up here.

Team, heal up here.

Never leave a teammate behind.

So while Gabriel was the commander, the leader, and the likely tactician of the original Strike Team, the “healer” and “support role” probably fell to Jack.  In-game playstyles, though not necessarily canon, would put Jack/Soldier: 76 close to Reinhardt so that Reinhardt could shield his heavy pulse rifle fire, with Gabriel/Reaper operating around their anchor point, as either an offensive flanker against opponents or a defensive protector to help cover them.  Ana (assuming she is not healing) and Torbjörn’s turret would help provide suppressive “overwatch” cover, or also cover any holes or gaps in the team’s sides.

It is therefore not unlikely that Gabriel formulated and created the tactics, before giving orders to Jack, who - with the biotic field and his louder voice - was the one that then relayed them to team members or other military groups working with the Overwatch Strike Team.

This partnership has now been confirmed to translate quite well to the Overwatch and Blackwatch operations, with Gabriel’s Blackwatch covert ops division doing reconn, gathering intel, and infiltrating groups (“And in a lot of ways, Reyes was relieved that Morrison had to have the more political role, and like, he was like kind of–it's always easier being the number two guy because you're not ultimately accountable for all that, Reyes was kind of, you know, in some ways thankful and relieved”) -

Before providing that information to Overwatch through Jack Morrison and Ana Amari, who would then use that to implement new Strike Team missions, active U.N. peacekeeping projects, or developing new plans.

When the United Nations or other organizations would ask questions about Blackwatch, Jack “would actually defend Reyes's questionable actions” (again, probably because 1. Jack knew the value of special operations and unconventional warfare and 2. Jack trusted Gabriel to lead those operations as he had always done).

We saw a version of this play out in the “Uprising” comic, which, for the first time, showed a much older Morrison, older Amari, and maybe older Reyes assess a hostile and dangerous situation - the uprising of Null Sector in London.

Notice how Gabriel is snarky and sarcastic with Ana, but when Jack says, “I want to know how Null Sector caught us so off guard,” Gabriel responds with calmer, more factual information.  Interestingly, again, it is not Jack who snaps at Gabriel about his use of the word “extremists,” but Ana.

Gabriel follows up with his monologue that, again, is calm and collected, if slightly charged:

The “Uprising” comic - and then the in-game Uprising event voicelines - were the first time fans had seen “Pre-Talon” Gabriel interact with Jack and Ana (and then later Reinhardt and the rest of the ground-level Strike Team).  Through these, we were given a vastly different view of Gabriel than other in-universe material had implied: this version of Gabriel was calm, collected, funny, witty, focused, and almost jovial around Jack, Ana, and Reinhardt. 

Fans went wild for this version of Gabriel, with a major online movement to get the “Reyes Shrug” as an actual emote, victory pose, or spray in the game, and well - 

Blizzard listened

And gave us not one, not even two - 

But all three.

(The emote)

(The victory pose)

(The spray)

While this happened during the Anniversary event (after the Uprising event), Jack received a very different emote for Uprising.

And yeah -

People immediately used it exactly how you’d expect.

With Uprising, both Gabriel and Jack received voicelines that...had very similar connotations to them, both said fairly dryly/sarcastically:

Reaper: ...Moving on.

Soldier: 76: ...Whatever you say.

And then with the Anniversary event...something else happened with the voicelines that many people didn’t...quite notice.

Anniversary

Jack received the voiceline, “You’re the boss,” which was rather odd, given that he was “the boss” of Overwatch for about 20 years.

However, there is one other time that Jack Morrison uses the word “boss” in canon material.

Given that Gabriel was Jack’s former commander and his “boss,” and that this particular comic panel comes after a major plot point in which Soldier: 76 and Reaper fight each other, it seems rather likely that “You’re the boss” is a voiceline towards Gabriel/Reaper.

Not coincidentally, the word “boss” is used in direct reference to “present day” Reaper by another character:

Sombra: So what are we doing here, boss?

Reaper: I need to pay a visit to a friend.

(We’ll come back to this particular interaction later.)

Meanwhile, Gabriel received the voiceline “No one left behind” which also seemed odd given that Reaper has left Talon grunts “behind” in things like Recall and “Old Soldiers.”  It also doesn’t appear to mesh with his “commando” and covert ops background, in which the mission comes above people.

Except that “being left behind” does show up as a line and a concept said by Reaper -

In a very specific context.

“No one left behind” is incredibly interesting because it gives us a glimpse into Gabriel’s mindset - while his background and skills in covert operations may indicate a non-sentimental, calculating special operations leader, his actual dialogue in several places seems to indicate someone who cares a great deal about his teammates, allies, friends - 

And partners.

Which brings us full-circle

To where the end is based on the beginning, and the beginning becomes an end point.

Fall

This is where we get into 100% speculation territory.

For my additional thoughts on this, please see the following:

My version of the Fall of Overwatch timeline: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/167176447345/and-because-tumblr-is-going-to-destroy-this-post

My discussion on the “death” of Ana Amari and how it affected Gabriel and Jack: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/159512959195/alright-so-the-subject-of-ana-being-the-source-of

My hypothesis of Overwatch missions and investigations at the time of Uprising: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/164417776210/devil-in-the-details

My hypothesis that Reaper and Sombra are trying to bring down Talon from the inside: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/163200042035/death-becomes-you

Now, a lot of this is all theorizing and hypothesizing.  It may or may not be true.  What I’m going to present here is what we do know, now that we have Moira’s Origins video, and various sources on how Moira and Reaper fit together.

As I brought up earlier, something was likely very wrong with Gabriel’s biology.  He’s the only character of the original Strike Team that does not appear to age at all in canon material.

From the early Overwatch days, in which we can see that the “older” team members of Reinhardt and Torbjörn have started aging a bit.

To Uprising

In which Jack and Ana are both shown with greying hair, while Gabriel looks largely unchanged.

(keep in mind there’s likely a gap of approximately 10 years between these two pictures)

To the latest pictures of him from Moira’s Origins video

(An unknown amount of time has progress between Uprising and this moment, or that this moment potentially came before Uprising).

On the subject of Moira’s recruitment, Michael Chu had this to say:

“She was recruited by Gabriel Reyes to be a member of Blackwatch.  And uh, during that time she had relationships with the Blackwatch crew - McCree, Genji - they all have their own sort of likes and dislikes for each other.  Reyes wanted someone could help advise him on, uh, some matters of genetics that he was, uh, interested in, shall we say.” - Michael Chu, 3:47 (https://youtu.be/HsJU3PEk9JY?t=227) 

Which means this tweet now makes a lot of sense:

(Source: https://twitter.com/westofhouse/status/758425704530710528)

Which, again, when we backtrack, we find the “Soldier: 24″ folder in Moira’s lab on Oasis

But we also have something else going on:

http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/167135805485/segadores-y-soldados-currently-in-addition

The short version:

Moira is the Minister of Genetics at Oasis.  In her lab, you’ll find the “Soldier: 24” folder, along with a copy of Angela/Mercy’s research on the regenerative properties of nanobiology.  However, the spawn room on the other side of the map is the Ministery of Chemistry, and in that spawn room, you’ll find this:

A copy of Moira’s research on “Repairing Degenerative Genetic Structures” with a post-it note that says “Draft” and her Ministry of Genetics lab symbol and name in Arabic.

Which gives us new context to that Sombra-Reaper interaction on Oasis:

Sombra: So what are we doing here, boss?

Reaper: I need to pay a visit to a friend.

And yes, Reaper does appear to mean “friend” in a truly platonic sense of the word because Michael specifically went out of his way to say that Moira and Reaper have only a “professional” relationship between them:

Geoff Goodman: “It [Her Fade ability] has some similarities to Reaper’s wraith form…uh which is…it’s funny how that works out.” Michael Chu: “You know, we obviously - there’s a…there’s a close relationship between Moira and Reyes-slash-Reaper, and I think one of the fun things we were able to do is to sort of hint at some of those things in her, uh, abilities.” Geoff Goodman: “She’s helping Reaper out and is like, ‘You know, I think I could make this better, I have an idea.’” Michael Chu: “Professional relationship.” Geoff Goodman: “Ahaha, yes…good call.” Michael Chu: “You know what I’m talking about.” [Whole panel laughs] - Time: 14:49 (https://youtu.be/HsJU3PEk9JY?t=889)

(Source: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/167111711575/moira-preview-new-hero-overwatch-panel)

While I’ve hypothesized here that Jack knew about some (or possibly all) of Gabriel’s conditions, he may or may not have approved of Blackwatch’s decision to recruit Moira.  What’s interesting is that Moira’s profile says this:

“Her employment was a closely kept secret, until it was uncovered during inquiries following the Venice incident. Many high-ranking Overwatch officials disavowed all knowledge of her affiliation with them.” (Source: Moira’s profile: https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/heroes/moira/)

But Jeff said this:

“[...] we're gonna show how that relationship actually was Morrison's downfall because for so long, Morrison would actually defend Reyes's questionable actions. And to us, that feels more like what would actually happen between real people and less just, um, typical cliché black-and-white "this guy is bad, that guy is good," you know, we want to have that depth of relationship because I think it's ultimately more relatable to all of us as kind of human beings.”

It’s difficult to parse out, and while I have my own theories and ideas, the answer is not yet discernible.  Did Jack know about Moira’s recruitment?  Did he approve of it?  Did he defend her position publically?  Did he not know but defend Blackwatch anyways?

Did he request that Gabriel seek her out?

We don’t know yet, but I welcome all possible theories.  It adds significantly more depth to the later years of the relationship between Gabriel and Jack, and complicates things significantly.  We need to remember that, according to his own words, Reaper blames Jack for “leaving [him] to suffer” and “become this thing.”

This concept is at a disconnect with the likelihood that Moira either worsened his genetic condition and therefore hastened his shift into “Reaper,” or that she “unlocked [his] potential” and forced the “state of existence” on him entirely.

Or that she was truly, genuinely trying to help.

Remember - Moira’s Origin video is told from her perspective.  Michael Chu said this:

(Source: https://us.battle.net/forums/en/overwatch/topic/20759241192#post-13)

In her own mind, it’s possible that Moira genuinely believed she was helping Gabriel “improve” by whatever her research or experiments on him did to him (or whatever they found out).

However, we also know that Nesskain, the artist behind Moira’s Origins video, had this to say about Gabriel’s feelings:

(Source: https://twitter.com/nesskain/status/926674887615188992)

(Tumblr link: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/167110576805/httpstwittercomnesskainstatus926674887615188)

Between this, Reaper’s “He did this to me, Ana” line, and the supposed “battle” at the Swiss Watchpoint, something major occurred, and it could be any number of possibilities - a genuine falling out between two old soldiers and “war buddies,” a heartbreaking schism between two men who “loved each other,” an inevitable split between partners whose visions for the world had shifted from each other, or, hell, even a “fake” fight in order to preserve an infiltration mission.

Pick your card and play it.

Personally, I see it as some sort of combination of events, but without more information, it’s pretty much impossible to say for certain.  There are, however, some suspicious details lingering elsewhere.

The City of the Dead, and the Shadows that connect people

Unless you play Elimination or the Death Matches, you might never come across the Necropolis and Castillo maps, but man, I would urge everyone who enjoys the characters and wordbuilding of Overwatch to set up a custom game and just wander around because these are full of details.

First up:

Necropolis

The Necropolis is Ana Amari and Soldier: 76′s current hideout on the outskirts of the Giza Pyramid complex.  This allows Ana to continue her current personal mission of safeguarding the Temple of Anubis (as well as keep an eye on her daughter’s Helix squad), and also gives her a safe place to store her biotic grenades and darts equipment.

Ana’s look out over the Temple of Anubis

Ana’s workshop

Jack’s...uh...corner.

But the truly interesting part is this:

The “Reaper sightings” computers.

Here’s the map.  The locations are:

Volskaya Industries, St. Petersburg, Russia (the “Infiltration” short)

Watchpoint: Gibraltar, Gibraltar (the “Recall” short)

Numbani, Nigeria (the museum heist trailer)

Oasis, Iraq (confirmed now that Moira is there)

And perhaps the most and least surprising of all:

Los Angeles, California

Gabriel’s original home.

Now - 

When did “Reaper” go home?

(Yeah, yeah, and contrary to popular belief it does rain in California sometimes, okay?)

Lots of speculation has occurred around this panel - who exactly are these people? Are they related to Gabriel?  Are they old friends?  Is one of the adults an ex-agent of Overwatch?

Keep in mind that even if he hasn’t aged, Gabriel is chronologically in his early to mid-fifties in the present day.  Overwatch’s playable and background characters tend to have really...vague ages, but personally, I see this family as being related to Gabriel, possibly as a sibling or an adult niece or nephew.  I have seen some people speculate one of the adults could be his child. 

What I find more interesting, however, is the question:

How did Jack and Ana get this information that Reaper visited Los Angeles?

Castillo - Sombra’s Room

Sombra’s room is a treasure trove of implied connections and details.  Something that’s important to keep in mind is that Sombra is one of the few people to know canonically that Gabriel is Reaper.

(Source: https://us.battle.net/forums/en/overwatch/topic/20753735625#post-13)

Now, this was posted before Doomfist and Moira were revealed, so we don’t know the status of them (Moira seems like a “no duh” answer, but honestly, considering how Michael said that neither McCree nor Reinhardt know, I’m skeptical about how much Doomfist knows), but effectively, Sombra “knows the truth about Reaper.”

Which means this interaction is canon:

Sombra: What's the plan today, Gabe? You don't mind if I call you Gabe, do you?

Reaper: Stick to the mission.

What is Sombra referencing?

The only other person to use the nickname “Gabe” for Gabriel - 

is Jack Morrison.

In her interactions with him, Ana calls him “Gabriel,” as does her daughter Fareeha when she references.  McCree never addresses him by name, but considering that Gabriel uses the line “Reyes here” during the in-game Uprising event, he apparently prefers to stick with surnames during operations.

But that goes out the window with Jack.

And Sombra absolutely knows this.

Because in Sombra’s room, you can find these:

A picture of Jack Morrison and Jesse McCree.

Sombra also apparently knows about Ana because:

She has a file on Ana’s “Shrike” bounty hunter identity

As well as this interesting little tidbit:

Which shows Ana’s face.

The McCree stuff is also interesting because Sombra and McCree may have had contact with each other at about the same time that Gabriel is visiting Los Angeles:

Does Sombra have contact with Jack and Ana?

Again, the honest answer is: we don’t know.

But the hopeful answer is: possibly.

In the more recent “Searching” comic, Lynx-17, a hacker who has been trying to track Sombra’s efforts, said this:

And somehow - 

Sombra has some sort of connection to Soldier: 76.

Sombra and Soldier: 76 are also the only two characters heavily invested in uncovering LumériCo’s shady dealings.  Sombra, of course, had her massive ARG, in which LumériCo’s corruption was slowly (very...very...slowly) revealed by players.  Soldier: 76 is the only other character to express interest in LumériCo, with the line:

“I wanna know what LumériCo's been up to.”

However, we also know he’s anti-Los Muertos, the arms-dealing gang that supported Sombra’s efforts against LumériCo.

Do Sombra and Soldier: 76 have a tentative alliance?  Are they sharing information?  Is she helping him track Reaper?  Sombra was not present when Gabriel went home to Los Angeles, but she is present in the Volskaya Industries infiltration mission and Reaper’s “visit” to Oasis.  Interestingly, the pictures on the blue screen of the “Reaper sightings” computer are from the Volskaya Industries mission...and Sombra was the one running the cameras.

Again - how deliberate is all this?

You know the drill by know:

Honest answer: we don’t know. Hopeful answer: Hopefully deliberate.

Lastly, because this section is getting kinda long -

Reaper and Sombra share one final interaction that is very...interesting to think over:

Reaper: Try to stick to the plan, Sombra.

Sombra: Look, someone has to be ready when all your careful planning doesn't pan out.

Again, does it mean anything?  Who knows.  But bear in mind that Sombra is one of the few people to know that Gabriel is Reaper, and that Gabriel has always been the commander trained in stealth, covert operations, reconn and intelligence gathering, and infiltration missions.  Sombra knows this, and Gabriel knows she knows it too.  They appear to have a tentative trust with one another, and again, Sombra is the only person (besides Jack) to have ever called Gabriel “Gabe” and “boss” (at least, that we know of).  Gabriel was also aware of her “plan” to throw their Volskaya mission, which means he not only let Sombra deliberately trigger the alarm system, he also willingly let Katya Volskaya escape.

(Source: Masquerade comic)

“But if Reaper is working with Sombra, why would he tattle on her?”

Again, honest answer, hopeful answer, blah blah blah.  You’re not here for me to say “I don’t know 100 times,” you’re here for the hopeful answer.

The hopeful answer is that:

Again, Gabriel has experience with infiltration and intel missions - he’s been doing this for thirty years, possibly longer given his military experience.  There is almost no faster way to gain one person’s trust than to “snitch” on another, to show that you’re going to work with Person A instead of Person B.  It’s a risky move, but if Person B is willing to pretend to be the “fall guy,” they then can try to cover each other better.  Which again - 

Goes back to who has the “back up” ideas when all of Reaper’s “careful planning doesn’t pan out”?

At the Blizzard voice actors panel at Anime Expo 2017, Michael Chu said this:

“Yeah, you know, [Sombra] gets on [Reaper’s] nerves a little bit, but I think that, ultimately, Reaper knows that Sombra is...effective, and so he respects that because he is a good eye for talent. (Audience starts to cheer) Look at that Blackwatch team - it’s amazing!” - Michael Chu (Timestamp: 45:48 https://youtu.be/JPQi61a8fD0?t=2748)

Now - 

What is Sombra effective for?

Finding secrets that are hidden.

Sombra has found LumériCo’s shading dealings.  She’s found connections between LumériCo and Vishkar and Volskaya.  She’s found where Katya is getting her new mech technology from (a group in Numbani).  

(And Reaper may not know these ones but) she has found that Ana Amari is alive.  She has found connections between Ana Amari and Jesse McCree.

She is investigating Jack Morrison -

And has a connection to Soldier: 76 somehow.

And more than anything else

Sombra knows Gabriel’s nickname is “Gabe”

And she knows who used to call him that.

And she very likely knows Jack’s end of this as well.

What does Soldier: 76 want more than anything else?

To find out who brought down Overwatch.

---

So now we’ve essentially caught up with the current plot.  Reaper and Sombra are running around working with Doomfist and Moira.  Soldier: 76 and Ana are hiding out in the Necropolis.  Winston has initiated Recall and so far, Tracer, Genji, Reinhardt, and Mei are answering it and returning to Overwatch.  Doomfist has partially destroyed Numbani and reclaimed his Gauntlet.  Efi Oladele has built Orisa.  Sombra has managed to persuade Zarya that Katya Volskaya is not to be trusted.  Junkrat and Roadhog are trying to trick the Queen of Junkertown to let them back in.  Torbjörn is working with Bastion on something (???).  Moira is conducting research in Oasis (and may be fighting the Ministry of Chemistry to get her research back).

Where do we go from here?

There are a few avenues:

1. We will likely see more characters answer the Recall initiation and return to Overwatch.  Who - we don’t know yet.  Mercy, Torbjörn, and McCree are all still potential returnees.

2. We will start seeing Talon become more emboldened about moving forward with their plans to accelerate the Second Omnic Crisis - now that Doomfist is out of prison and Vialli (who was more content with easy profits in peace) is dead, Doomfist appears to be taking more control over the council that runs the organization.

3. We will likely see Soldier: 76 and Ana react to these, especially if they are tracking Reaper or are being given information on his locations from an “inside source” (like Sombra or even possibly Reaper himself).  We know that the two of them are trying to prevent Anubis from breaking out of his confinement...and possibly prevent others from breaking in to help him, and they are in the next-closest playable location to Oasis.

4. We will start seeing repercussions for Winston’s Recall, as Overwatch is still illegal and formally disbanded.  The United Nations, along with its contracted military support service, Helix Securities, may start making strong moves to stop Winston and the new Overwatch group, or may go after old members who are conspiring to bring it back.

5. I personally suspect we will start seeing more of Vishkar, and as a related connection to them, Lúcio.  Sanjay Korpal - Satya Vaswani’s (Symmetra’s) boss - has shown up in Talon meetings twice now (once in the Masquerade comic and again in Moira’s Origins video).  Lúcio managed to increase public awareness against Vishkar’s unethical and immoral actions in Rio de Janeiro, and he’s a major popular folk hero and inspiration the world over.

6. I also suspect we will eventually see the return of Null Sector in some way, shape, or form.  Although Mondatta is dead, there are the implications that anger and bitterness still linger among Omnics in London, and both Doomfist and Moira have lines that imply that Talon is looking to ignite that anger into something larger.  A large portion of the Overwatch-affiliated cast, such as Reinhardt, Tracer, Torbjörn, Mercy, Soldier: 76, Reaper, Ana, and McCree, all made large efforts to stop Null Sector seven years ago, and while Reaper is working for Talon, and Soldier: 76, Ana, and McCree have all gone rogue, I doubt any of them want to see Null Sector return again.

7. We hopefully will see Orisa’s clash with Doomfist.  Numbani is something like Doomfist’s old stomping grounds, but now that Efi has built Orisa, there’s someone there who is uniquely designed to counter Doomfist in many ways.  As an aside, if she’s still alive, Gabrielle Adawe - one of the founders of Overwatch - may also live in Numbani, and could return to the plot somehow.

8. In his most recent AMA with the Overwatch subreddit, Jeff alluded to the fact that background characters like Maximilien, the Queen of Junkertown, Lynx-17, and Hammond (the rogue “specimen” from the Horizon Lunar Colony) may all eventually become playable (source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Overwatch/comments/7bdyby/blizzcon_2017_interview_jeff_kaplan_bill_warnecke/).  Hammond in particular provides an opportunity to both explore Winston’s backstory as well as motivate Winston to use Recalled Overwatch in a bolder manner going forward.  Lucheng links Lijiang Tower (where they have a base of operations) and the Horizon Lunar Colony together, and it’s very likely that Hammond has a major grudge to settle with them for their illegal and unethical treatment of great apes in the moon colony.

And the one you’re actually reading this longass post for:

9. Gabriel and Jack begin the process of reconciliation.

Yes, it’s “hopeful,” perhaps blindingly so, but isn’t that the whole point of Overwatch?  Isn’t that what the game is about?  ...Okay, ignore the part where two teams of six people go and shoot each other in Hollywood backlots - once you get past that part, isn’t Overwatch about hope?  About heroes?  About how anyone and everyone can be a hero in their own right?

And doesn’t every “hero” need a “villain”?

(even if he is pretty frustrated with his...rather incompetent lackeys.)

After all -

this is a song and dance they’ve done for nearly thirty years.

Soldier: 76: Well. You sure take to this “bad guy thing” easily, don't ya?

Reaper: And you sure know how to play “boy scout.”

According to Michael Chu’s 2017 GDC talk “Thinking Globally: Building the Optimistic Future of Overwatch”:

“What’s important to us is that [the villains’] motivations are not purely rooted in being evil, despite how they might seem on the surface.  As we reveal more about these characters, we want people to be able to empathize and understand their beliefs.  Because sometimes what makes a villain a villain is the extent to which they’re willing to go to reach their goals.  And one thing that we find most important when we’re talking about our villain characters is that there is nothing to say that a villain cannot be as charismatic or more charismatic or as likeable as a hero character - because, like the old saying goes, ‘every villain is the hero of their own story.’” 

And what better way to get someone to trust you - 

Than to “sell out” a longtime ally and partner to further the goals of your “new organization”

And play the part of the “villain?”

But who is going to be there to cover his back and defend his actions this time?

Soldier: 76: One of these days someone is gonna to put an end to you.

Reaper: I invite them to try.

Sombra, the hacker with her own agenda?  Widowmaker, the sniper who feels alive only when she kills?  Moira, the one who possibly made him this way?

Or perhaps him -

His “best war buddy”

The one who loved him back -

Who calls himself by a number that only Gabe will recognize the full history and “depth of relationship” behind.

And the last one:

10. I think we will eventually see what Gabriel’s actual “careful planning” is.

Whether that’s bringing Talon down or stopping Recalled Overwatch, we don’t know yet - 

But you know the drill by now.

There’s the honest answer

and the hopeful one.

And you can guess which one I’m willing to place my bets on.

[leofemt]

Being a fic writer is a horrible, thankless, vain pursuit. This is an objective fact.

tl;dr: I prove it: on two opposing fic- for both of which this meta-writer vouches for the quality- less than 10% of readers left kudos, and less than 1% commented.

A few facts:

Let's take one fic. A Tiger & Bunny fic for a rarepair. Personally, I love this fic. This is the best fanfiction of all time. Every time I reread it, I end up in tears and almost incapable of finishing it. It's long, artful, and emotionally devastating. It should have a great reception, right? No.

This fic has been on ao3 for more than 5 years. In its time, it's gotten almost 2.5k hits- not bad for a rarepair. It's almost 80k words long. I can personally vouch for the quality. Do you see how many comments it has? 23.

Of course, this can vary by popularity of the subject matter you're writing for- I've written a 7k fic that has more individual comments than this, just because the pairing is popular- but generally speaking, this is the case. Let's turn to some statistical analysis.

What percentage of fic readers leave kudos? In this case, 145 out of 2483 readers who opened this fic left kudos. 145/2483=0.0584, so 5.8% of fic readers leave kudos. (This doesn't account for quality of writing or people who are just trying out a ship, but even that's not that large a margin.) 6% of your readers will take the time to click a button to say "I enjoyed this!". 6%. 

Of course, that can be the case for other forms of art as well, in which case you shrug and say, producing art sucks, viewers take what they want and leave, let's move on. (If I were to do an analysis of the difference in response to popular fanart-type artists, though, I would look at view vs rt statistics on twitter. One place where this differs is: profit. Making actual money. How many artists do you know sell some kind of merch, or have a patreon, or do commissions? Probably a good number of relatively popular ones. How many writers do you know sell hardback copies of their fic? None, probably, unless you personally know EL James. How many writers do you know who actually get commissions? I don't know about you, but I can think of maybe 3 off the top of my head. Visual art is much quicker to consume than written art, and much easier to propogate, since it takes little effort to take in. How many visual artists take open requests on their blogs, instead of commissions? How many writers? A clear pattern starts to emerge.)

And now we move on to the most depressing part- comments. Of course it means a lot whenever someone comments, even if it's a few words of encouragement or telling the author you enjoyed their work. What percentage of fic readers leave comments? This example fic has 23 comments. 23 comments after writing almost 80k words, and I know for a fact that 3 of those comments are mine. This author doesn't reply to comments (which is relatively common, and don't take it personally- it doesn't mean they don't take your words to heart), so this is 23 individual readers who expressed their appreciation for this work. 23 comments out of 2483 hits: 23/2483=0.00926, or 0.93%. Less than 1% of readers left comments on this 80k behemoth of a fic. And 13% of that less than 1% is me. 

Of course, you can say, how do you know an abnormally large amount of people didn't just open this fic, decide it wasn't for them, and close it again? Maybe this is the Spider Georg of fanfiction. This is not the case, but if you propose the challenge, I will prove it to you. 145 readers enjoyed this fic enough to read all the way to the end to leave kudos. Don't forget that this is only a little less than 6%. 23 comments out of 145 kudos-leavers: 23/145=0.1586, or a little less than 16%. Of readers who liked this fic enough to leave kudos, 15.9% liked it enough to leave a comment. On normal fics, a comment isn't even that long- probably a sentence or two, unless the commenter is particularly moved, or happens to be me- and only 16% of the 6% that deigned to leave kudos decided to leave one. For an 80k word fic. I haven't even looked to see how many of them are followers of the fic who had commented on multiple chapters as they were published. 

What kind of response can you expect for your work, you ask? Surely, if I'm good enough, you think, the praise will come flowing in. Surely, you say, others will see the brilliance of my idea. Tough shit, Pinocchio. Writing sucks. Readers suck. Writers grovel for any kind of recognition of their work. On this fic, 23 comments were left on a total of 78491 words. 23/78491 is such a small number that my calculator went into scientific notation to try and figure out comments per word. The number is 0.000293 comments per word. Of course, no one expects a comment per word, so let's extrapolate a bit- let's see how many comments this fic got per 1k words. 0.000293*1000 is 0.293, or about .3. Less than a third of a comment per thousand words- and remember, average comment length is a couple sentences, or a series of emojis, or, "I like this!!!!! Thanks <3", which takes the average human maybe twenty seconds to write. Despite this, and despite the fic having nearly 2500 hits, only 23 users commented. 

And 3 of them were me.

If this doesn't convince you of the futility of writing, and that if you are a fan-content writer, or want to be one, not to base your writing's worth on the amount of comments or make yourself miserable catering to the whims of the masses, I don't know what will. For balance's sake, let's observe another case study. The fic I think is my most popular one- the aforementioned 6.6k fic- was written in 2016, over the span of a week and two days. It's for a popular pairing in a popular fandom.

8110 hits?! You shriek. For less than 7k words? While that other masterpiece, by a writer far greater than you, had only a measly 2.5k hits?!

Let me calculate it- this fic recieved 8110 hits for 6633 words: 8110/6633=1.223 hits per word. That's more than a hit per word, which is outrageous, but that's beside the point. This statistic in itself should convince you that popularity as a writer is based not on your actual talent or skill but on both the whims of the massless entity dubbed "the readership" and the objective popularity of your subject matter. Writing blows. Writing for an audience blows. Never write for anyone but yourself, if you choose to write at all, and if you do, do not be disheartened by a lack of reception. Readers take writers for granted. This is a given fact. 

I'll do the same calculations I had done in the previous case study. In this case, of 8110 hits, 745 users decided it was good enough to leave kudos. (Again- this is literally the act of pressing a button. Not too strenuous, though appreciated.) 745/8110=0.0919, or 9.2%- so performing a little better than the 80k rarepair fic, though not by much. This is still <10% of readers. 

Further, on the subject of comments- this fic garnered 33 comments, none of which I, the author replied to, just like the case of the previous fic. 33 comments from 8110 hits: 33/8110=0.004069, or 0.41%. What does this mean? This means that, firstly, larger viewships are sometimes a curse, because of something like the bystander effect- more popular ships means more material by other amazing authors, and less focus concentrated on one work- and secondly, this statistic is no different from the first case. Unless a fic gets wildly popular in itself, and becomes a staple and a brand-name and all those other things, you can expect little to no return on any investment you put into writing. This is a terrible fact and a solid truth. 

Readers are thankless, insatiable, demanding consumers who take for granted that the stories they crave will be there, prepared for them, and give little thought to the author behind the characters. Of course, this is the case in the professional writing industry as well, which is why writing is an undertaking that can only be undertaken with one purpose- something within the author that compels them to write. Writing sucks. Objectively, if you're looking for ways to be validated in your work, it's a waste of time, and sometimes I wish I could take all the fanfiction archives on the internet down for a day or two, just to see readers panic. People take for granted what has always been there. Don't write unless you want to.

Readers- the consumers I've bashed so thoroughly- if you are a fic consumer, and you've read all the way to the end, I implore you- show some gratitude. If you are someone who regularly leaves kudos and comments on fic you love, congratulations. You're probably some writer's favorite person. If not- well, I don't have much to say to you. Books should be free, but fan content writers write for less than free- they write at a loss. Appreciate them, just a little. Every time I see a writer groveling for a handful of comments, the lack of respect for something so many people claim they "love to read" and "don't know what they would do without" makes me hate "the readership" even more. Being a writer is a thankless, horrible, useless pursuit, because few people care deeply enough to do more than consume the content and leave- you can make it not so much so, just a little bit. Just a few words, and you could bump that comments button up a number. You could be the reason that percentage improves. All it takes is to give back, just a little, to the people who provide you your fan-content for free, at the expense of their own time.

[gplusbfics]

A BDay Request + 43 Things

I’ve been wanting to do this anyway, but today’s my birthday – first one since I started this blog last fall – and I wanted to ask everyone to tell me what your Garashir story is and give me a link. (Or just the name if you cannot find the link.) Leave it in the comments or message me. Later I’ll post all the links. And read them, if I haven’t already.

Meanwhile, here are 43 things about me, one for every year of my life. Some I’ve definitely mentioned, others not.

The earliest “crushes” I can remember in my life are Spock and the Tin Man (Wizard of Oz). Notably, both wore blue eyeshadow, which made me feel all fuzzy inside.

I grew up in northeast Massachusetts (New England) but have somehow lived in Georgia for the past 20 years (19 of those in Atlanta).

I’m 6 ft. tall and got to that height at age 12. (I was 5 ft. in 2nd grade already.)

Was severely bullied as a child (definitely just for being tall), going on through high school and while it was pretty horrible, had lasting effects, it’s had some positive too, like I am extremely empathetic and I never say nasty stuff to anyone ever.

Favorite movie: The Wizard of Oz (1939). Other favorites: The Third Man, Lawrence of Arabia, Wings of Desire, Young Frankenstein, Metropolis, Lord of the Rings, My Life as a Dog.

One of my dearest friends is British fantasy-scifi author Storm Constantine. (Rather a cult author, so not hugely well known, but if you’re into dark fic or are a goth or into weird fic or queer sci, you might know her.) I am actually her fiction editor (on her Wraeththu universe books) and we are currently working on our fifth short story anthology together. I’ve also visited her at her home in Stafford, England, I think six times now. I love her :)

I’m really big on international travel or, I should say, travel to Europe. As a teenager I spent a summer in Germany and after college I got hooked, to the point I’ve been over 20 times at least. Been to the England, Scotland, Germany and Italy multiple times – Germany by far the most often – and also Slovenia, Austria, Czechia, Netherlands, Belgium. My most recent trip was Berlin. For my most immediate travel plans (next year) I have in mind: Sicily, Bucharest (have a friend there), Scandinavia, Dublin, Budapest (friends there too).  

Pretty much fluent in German, although not to the point I could write any decent fanfic :)

My eyes are true hazel.

I live in condo in a 104-year-old neo-Gothic skyscraper. It’s beautiful.

I’m actually terrified of the idea of going to or being in outer space.

I’m more intrigued by the mysteries of the ocean than space.

My B.A. was in journalism but I never used that degree professionally as an actual journalist. Instead I went into web development. But eventually with my current job (starting 10 years ago) I came back around to using my verbal & comm. skills like gangbusters.

For my work I spend a huge amount of my time promoting academic medical research.  

I -love- black licorice. I, um, even have a Tumblr about it.

Back in college (UMass Amherst) I spent 2 years living in an all GLBTQ dorm. Yes, for real. THAT was an experience. 

I’m a gray asexual. The part of me that is into people is bisexual. 

Consider myself trans and/or gender nonconforming, bc in many ways I do not identify with the gender I was assigned at birth. For several years I had it in my head I was meant to be a man (outwardly, possibly with hormones or other physical changes) but gradually had a realization that this was utterly unnecessary. 

I consider pretty much ALL clothes (my clothes) to be “drag.”

I don’t know how to do regular makeup Everything I do ends up being either like glam rock or drag queen style. Over the top is my style 

On multiple occasions, my friends have been asked, out of my presence, if I am a trans woman. (Which I find flattering.)

In college I used to go into Boston completely in trans man type drag and would see how many times I could get sirred. (Answer: always. It was very skinny.) This now sounds unbelievable because…. see 21 above.

Over the past 8 years I’ve gained about 70 lbs. and as result I’ve switched to wearing dresses and “femme” type clothes almost all the time. Don’t have to worry about growing out of them nearly as much and I can get dressed in about 30 seconds. Also my outfits are usually flamboyant, so it’s kind of my own gender expression. 

I’m kind of in love with my cats and I don’t care what people think of that.

I’m genetically immune to caffeine.

1/3 pint of beer is enough to get me drunk.

I love beer and my fav types tend to be extremely dark, opaque. Also 9%+ alcohol by volume. This plays interestingly into my susceptibility to alcohol (even regular beer).

My dad died 4 years ago and my mom (my favorite person IN THE WORLD) is 81. Mom is amazing and ever since Dad died we take awesome vacations together. Mom is is a total geek.

I’m the youngest of 5 kids and by FAR the youngest. The age spread is 16 years and my nearest sibling is age is 7 years older.

I hate hot weather. I live in the South. Go figure.

Crazy crazy Instagrammer.

I’ve known my two BFFs nearly 24 (!) years now, since the first month of freshmen year. One of them has been down here in GA with me 20 years, while the other was here for a bit but moves around. Been in Seattle for years and I see her when she comes to Atl for Frolicon and Dragon Con and stays with me.

My favorite “holiday” is Dragon Con.

This year will be the 10th year I march in the Dragon Con Parade in the “walking Periodic Table” as Beryllium.

Favorite post-70s bands/artists: David Bowie, Depeche Mode, Björk, NIN, The Cure, Queen, Beastie Boys, Einstürzende Neubaten, Sinead O’Connor, The Orb, Prince, The Smiths, Morrissey, Kraftwerk, Siouxsie Sioux and the Banshees.

I can listen to Philip Glass on infinite loop. (Which is funny)

Obsessed with Art Deco. Like… you have NO IDEA.

Pescatarian. But I have a rule whereby I can eat meat on holidays, on vacation and on my birthday. (Tonight: BBQ ribs.)

I love reading smut. I loathe watching porn. (When I was younger I would watch gay porn but in my mid-20s I just started to find it repulsive, watching anyway.)

As a teen and into college I was kind of a misogynist. Gender issues. But I am OVER IT.

Because I live in the City of Atlanta and in addition don’t drive, rely on public transit, I have spent the past 19 years in situations where I am frequently the only white person on a bus or train. Happens at least once a day. Given that I grew up in a town where there were maybe 2 black families per 35,000 people, this has rewired me.

I am virulently anti-fascist.

I seriously underestimated how hard it would be to get to 43. Like OMG.

[afishtrap]

(this is a post from a different blog, from several years ago, but since I’m slowly closing down that blog and the post is relevant to some things currently on my mind, reposting here for posterity)

Recently I followed a link over to the ferretbrain, a review-site from a group of Brits, with a focus mostly on SFF (fiction and games) but with occassional forays into romance, history, and other fiction genres. After reading (and being generally pretty impressed by) the original review linked to, I started following links within the site, and ended up on a DNF review for Cassandra Clare's first book.

Now, the disclaimer here is that I've not read it, and had no interest in reading it, and that for the most part, whether or not Clare's fiction is any good -- as an objective value -- is pretty much irrelevant to what I'm about to say here. She's getting mentioned only because that review discussed her work, and more specifically highlights a pattern found in a broader scope of works. The reviewer seems to me to be pretty fair about the fact that the work is ostensibly a rewrite of a Harry Potter AU, observing that:

...there are three possible attitudes, or at the very least a spectrum with some definable stopping points on it: 1) Fanfic is art, man, art and there is ultimately no difference between If You Are Prepared and Bleak House. They're both pretty damn long for starters. 2) Fanfic is like original fiction but not as good, and is basically written by people who can't get their own stuff published 3) Fanfic is entirely different from original fiction Since the first one is clearly non-viable, and the second is actively rude, I subscribe to the third. Writing for fans and writing for publication is vastly different, and to assume that the one aspires to the other is rather to miss the point (and, arguably, the pleasures) of fanfic. Even so, I would have thought the gulf between fanfic and original fiction to be eminently jumpable. I mean, the ability to string a decent sentence together is a transferable skill, right. Right?

From there the reviewer considers the specific story, the characters, per the usual review.

What crystalized things for me was the reviewer's explanation about where she stopped reading. Thus far, the basic plot has been protagonist meets demon-hunter, hijinks ensue, and shortly after that (maybe 60 pages into the story overall), the protagonist happens upon this young demon-hunter while he's alone in a music room, playing the piano. 

Up to this point, the demon hunter has been

...rude and snippy, so it's clear that this little scene is meant to show us a different side of him but character revelation scenes only function when you know the character well enough to experience it as a revelation. This is just ... information, excessively presented. It's like being hit over the head with a neon sign saying: "you should fancy this character now." And for the record, he's a demon hunter, not a concert pianist so there really is no reason to have that scene there except as drool-footage. [...] What the scene did for me ... was exemplify the subtle sense of wrongness I'd been getting throughout the previous 62 pages. Essentially [the book] reads like fanfic - and I don't mean that as kneejerk indicator of poor quality, I mean that it reads like something constructed for a different purpose, functioning on a different ruleset... The scene of Jace/grand piano has utterly no resonance for the reader because, well, partly because it's rubbish and partly because no time has been given to properly establishing the character so it's essentially meaningless, but mainly because it has no real sense of its place in a connected, developing narrative.

The reviewer goes on to suggest that fanfiction works on a basis of potential plausibility, that is, giving the reader a situation or behavior not seen in canon that, when argued/presented by a skillful fanfic writer, become plausible (believable) extrapolations of the original character. But this also means paying more attention to the character's actions, mindsets, mannerisms, whatever, both to reinforce the character's shared story-origins -- eg speaking patterns, or facial expressions -- and then to overlay the subtle changes introduced by the fanfic's author.

I'm a visual thinker and more precisely an architectural-engineering thinker, so the best analogy I could come up with for understanding this is to use the idea of renovation a house. (No surprise, eh.) Let's say you want your guest bath and laundry room a bit more efficiently laid-out. This image is a before-and-after, but if all you saw was the second (right-hand) image, it wouldn't be unreasonable to be completely baffled.

There are few landmarks remaining to tell you how you got from where-you-are to where-you'll-be. That's what the gray outlines are doing in the left-hand image; they're acting as "before reminders" so you can see how things have been rearranged. This is exactly how fanfiction works (and especially AU fanfiction): the character's original/canonical state becomes those "shadow lines", which a good fanfic author must reference in some way, to give readers a starting point before the author begins character or story renovation.

Contrast this with looking at the plan for an entirely new-to-you house. It doesn't need to give you a Before, or tell you how this relates to that, because it can exist independently; this applies so long as you were unfamiliar with the original structure and only seeing it now for the first time. In contrast, if you looked at the above plan of a new-to-you house and saw shadow-outlines of the toilet, the bathtub, and the front door in different locations, it would probably throw you off. It would seem out-of-place, and more importantly, unnecessary information. Against the main set of information (black outlines) that you don't know well enough yet anyway, it's nearly impossible to appreciate the changes.

The reviewer called this "blowing the load" but I think it's more that the shadow-lines of past renovations, or the piano playing, are info-dumps that come with intended emotional overtones, and that is the neon sign bonking the reader in the head with: "you should fancy this character now." Or, "you should hate this character" -- but even those two are just the opposite sides of a coin that says, "you should recognize this character." Those shadow-lines allow you to say, "oh, I seeeeeee, that was there, and this is now gone, and this is here when it was originally over there, I see what you did there." 

But if you've never bloody well seen the house before, and don't have an intrinsic, visceral understanding of the house from living in it and walking through it, then the moment of "I see what you did there" means little, if anything at all. You won't really get any additional meaning you don't already get just from the basic, unshadowed, black-lined, floor plan.

What fanfiction readers look for, and one of the main rules of good fanfiction (especially AU), is to create that moment of walking through a familiar house, looking at someone's suggested renovation, and making that leap from "what was" to "what it'll be" (when renovation is complete, when story is done). That's where we find the familiarity in fiction (in fanfiction and in ofic sequels), such as when an author intends to shift your perception of a familiar character. This technique is often used in sequels where a former alleged-bad-guy gets his turn at being reformed (or is to be revealed to have not been all that bad in the first place). The author must first lay out the original as shadow-lines, and then write over with the new character-plan.

Again to quote the reviewer:

Scenes of certain characters doing things they never explicitly did in the books (even if this is fucking each other) resonate with you because it feels both novel and familiar ... [Such] scenes require no build-up because the reader already knows the characters being written about. Equally, dwelling on the details, and presenting very visual, senusous scenes, seems less purple than it does when you do it in original fiction because it helps to establish a familiar character in what may be an unfamiliar setting ... Fan fiction, even if you're looking at a 100,000 word AU fic, seems to be all about the establishment of moments, which need not necessarily (and probably don't) exist as part of a continuum of moments. [The result is a book that's] original fiction without the necessary underpinnings, and fanfic without any of the characters you like. Worst of all possible worlds. [emph mine]

By definition, those floor plan shadow-lines get written with a certain amount of "this is important!" from the author, because that's part of the gearing-up prior to the renovation, to get everyone on the same spot on the "before" floor plan. I don't mean a build-up before the scene (to give us a logical introduction to it), but the amount of words given to the scene/moment itself. That's where the "seems less purple" comes into play in fanfiction, because that excessive attention paid to this specific moment acts as both black-outline and shadow-outlines at the same time. 

It's a movement that requires your fiction to do temporary double-duty, and is a useful skill when you're writing a sequel and want to tweak the reader's memory without going into a massive info-dump. It's also a hallmark of fanfiction, to tweak the readers on a point (or moment) of original canon, even as you shift the lens a bit to reveal a fuller image.

The problem is if it's the first time you've ever met a character or story, in which case you're getting "this is important!" clanging bells, but you have no basis for what this contrasts with. Now you have two sets of contradictory or near-contradictory information in your head and haven't yet gained the familiarity to distinguish what-was from what-is, let alone to assess the emotional import of either. And that's where the revelation -- because that's really what that moment is, that I see what you did there -- falls completely flat in original fiction.

[dadmilkman]

i never really post on here personally because i migrated to twitter a few years ago and the appeal of tumblr left me shortly after but ive talked about this topic ive had on my mind on twitter a lot already and ive bugged my friends in their dm’s too much but i still need to get it off my chest so im gonna talk about it some more anyway

in november this past year i messaged an artist hosting a secret santa event pledging to participate, and the next day they sent me back saying, no, i cant participate, because my art looks “too traced”

i dont post my art on this blog much anymore since i started posting it on my sideblog but i do draw fairly often and for years, for YEARS, one of the things that has contributed to my horrible, horrible depression (besides like, everything else) is my very bad habit of comparing myself to literally everyone and everything else. its taken me a long time to start trying to break this habit and not feel bad about my own abilities or skills in comparison to other people, and to this day im still struggling with it. art has been a personal battle for me, as it is for anyone who creates things regardless of what it is, and ive given up, sometimes for months or years at a time, only to eventually come back and start drawing again and then hate how far behind i felt because of all the time i spent not improving any at all.

so fast forward from 2012 where i “seriously’ start drawing to the start of last year, after going through maybe 3 hiatuses where i didnt draw for over 6 months, to where i finally bought my own tablet (after borrowing off my girlfriend or just drawing with pencil) in april and started actually seriously drawing again, all summer and during school even i was just drawing out the ass, all the time, i was putting more shit down than i had for a long long time and it was bad but i was real proud of it because i was creating things! and thats what ive always wanted to do, is just put stuff out in the world. to make things with any sort of permanence. so all last year i was really pleased with my progress and i was even getting better at drawing faces and coloring so i was real pleased.

so i get into a few new hobbies during the year and start following a bunch of artists on tumblr, or blogs that promote other artists, because id gotten to enough of a point where seeing other people accomplished at art didnt make me feel quite so bad about myself as it used to - i was able to look at other peoples success with pride on their behalf and not anger or jealousy. and at this point id start liking a little bit of my own attention, so i make a separate art blog dedicated to my art and my characters. and theres this one artist i really admired. they draw nothing but their oc’s, which is also nothing but what i draw too, and they were popular and everyone liked their characters and they had lots of artists friends they could talk with and do trades with and it was and is everything i wanted to be. i wanted to be that sociable and liked and known, even if it was just among a small group of friends in a small part of a niche interest, i wanted to participate in something.

so i see this secret santa i really want to join, hosted by none other than this artist i look up to, quite a lot. id sent them a few anons before with various questions on things and felt comfortable enough to message them and ask about joining the secret santa. i was finally comfortable enough in my artistic abilities to want to join, too, which was huge for me. so i message them, and wait for them to message me back.

and they do , the next day, and its to immediately tell me that my art looks too traced and that i should “stay away” from their art trade. as any aspiring artist will tell you, tracing photos is good. it helps you get muscle memory and learn perspective, anatomy, blah blah. as long as you dont do anything with it or pass it off as your own.

but tracing photos or god forbid other  peoples art and then posting it online and saying “look at this thing i drew all by myself arent you proud!?” is entirely different, and obviously isnt something ive ever fucking done, but its what they wanted to accuse me of, saying i was being deceitful and that other people in the trade would be mad if they knew. so, no, ive never done that. i never said ive never traced photographs before, i do it all the time to practice poses and anatomy and then i send them to my friend and say “ha i drew my characters doing this thing” and like, thats the only light of day it sees.

but apparently this artist was and still is under the impression that everything ive ever drawn was traced, as if i never put any work into anything. i do. i dont even know how to express that statement enough. i do . i do put hard work into the stuff i make. i practice and i draw and i sketch and no, im not fucking great at art, but it makes me happy and i can draw my ocs and thats really all i want to be able to do, so when someone comes to me , someone i looked up to and admired , and accuses me of being a liar and a fake, it hurt.

and of course i tried to explain i dont trace my art? i used photo references, a lot. sometimes ill take a photograph of myself to use as a reference too. i have a bunch of pvc pipes in my room i use when i need a ref of someone holding a staff or sword so i can make the angles better. i have a reference blog i use heavily and most of the time the outfits i draw are from stuff i see models wearing and want to put my ocs in. but i dont trace it, and that accusation hurt. the only thing i ever “trace” when i draw figures is a stick figure on a pose, IF im having trouble, like this 

and then the rest of the drawing, the lines, the hair the clothes the face, whatever, i draw that free hand, its not like i sit there and trace a whole photo or drawing? and if i did im not gonna...post it online and pretend i did all this hard work? and this is all the same thing i said to this person, i admitted to doing this stick figure technique, and that i sometimes trace photographs but i use it as a mechanic to help me improve anatomy accuracy and not as a cop-out for doing my own work and ive never passed off someone else’s skills as my own like they were insinuating. i mean, is this tracing? ive seen self taught and professional artists (and artists/photographers like senshistock, where i get a lot of refs) use this or a similar stick man figure approach when trying to draw people. i never thought i was doing something deceitful , and not to mention i dont even do this with every thing i ever draw. just stuff with weird angles or if theres a specific pose i want to capture correctly. i cant tell if this criticism reminds me too much of the argument circa a few years ago that using references or photos of any sort at all was cheating, or if this is genuine criticism and its a practice i shouldnt use anymore. which i havent been doing anymore anyway.

it was so infuriating to be confronted with this and have the whole argument portrayed like i was a sham and i was duping people on purpose. “stay away from the art trade” was their exact words. it hurt a lot and it still does, and its still killing my confidence every day. ive been trying to move on from the whole thing but when someone you admire shoots you down like that, i just dont know how to keep going knowing them and other people they apparently talked to about this are looking at my work thinking im a cheat. this has been on my mind nearly every day for 3 months and its killing me.

[kootenaygoon]

Nobody knows the Kootenays like Greg Nesteroff.

A celebrated historian and journalist, he first made a name for himself as a columnist and reporter for the Nelson Star, eventually moving up to the editor position. He then became news director of Juice FM, a gig he inherited from veteran broadcaster Glenn Hicks.

Last year Nesteroff decided to take some time off to work on two full-length book projects — one will be a collection of his popular Place Names columns, while the other will be a biography of Sandon founder John Morgan Harris. Meanwhile he started a blog: The Kütne Reader.

Kootenay Goon caught up with Greg to chat about the world of blogging, his obsession with the past and the future of journalism.

#1. For many of the posts on Kütne Reader, a historical document or photograph ends up being the jumping off point for a deep dive into the life of some historical character most have never heard of. (I loved your story about "The Midnight Nurse", by the way.) Your investigative skill-set is honestly staggering — I can't believe you successfully dredge up some of the information you do.

It seems to me like this would be a lengthy process, and I'm curious what your strategy is when building these stories. What are your go-to sources? Are you constantly haunting the archives, or looking this stuff up in books, or some combination of both?

Gee, thanks! My hat will no longer fit. 

I had a stockpile of unpublished stories I was able to drawn on initially. I've exhausted most of them, so now I'm putting up new posts at a slightly slower pace. Although I have no shortage of ideas, it takes longer to assemble each post. You're right about a single photograph, document, or artifact inspiring a post. It doesn't take much to get me interested and headed down a proverbial rabbit hole.

Go-to sources: ancestry.com plus the ever-expanding list of digitized newspapers, particularly the early Kootenay papers available through UBC's BC Historical Newspapers site and the ones on newspapers.com. The recent addition to the latter of The Vancouver Sun was particularly exciting. I visit archives and libraries less often than I used to because so much is available online now. But I spent 20 years taking notes from newspapers and local history books (the room where I write is groaning under the weight of those books), so there is lots I can search even on my own computer desktop.  

Even though an amazing number of books have been written about this region (with more added each year) there is no shortage of subjects left unexplored or under-explored. The digitization of newspapers and books is giving us the tools to explore topics and questions in previously impossible ways. It's fun to be part of the first wave of historians to take advantage of this technology. 

Some of my posts are wholly original; you won't find anything about those subjects in any history book. Others are a matter of presenting existing information in a new way. My post entitled "15 curious things about Peter (Lordly) Verigin's death" contained nothing that hadn't already been published, but it was presented in a novel way. Whereas "A phony dentist in the Slocan Valley" recounted the life of a career criminal which had never been presented in full. 

#2. You took 2018 off to focus on writing your books. Now that 2019's staring us in the face, how much progress have you made?

Alarmingly little. I blame the blog. 

I can throw something up in a hurry without worrying too much about being artful and get instant feedback. Whereas the books are long-term projects that require more care and thought and will not bear fruit for a long time. So the quicker, shorter stuff is much more attractive. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and makes me feel productive in spite of the lack of progress on the books.

I will say that I have reorganized my Johnny Harris biography in a way that should make it more compelling. But I haven't added very much. It still sits at about 43,000 words with a huge amount left to do.

The place name series is more a matter of compiling and condensing than writing, since the basis for it has been a series that has appeared in local newspapers for the last six years. But even then, all I've accomplished so far is a sample chapter for letters P and Q.

Fortunately, my literary agent and wife are both prodding me to get going on the books before my nest egg runs out.

#3. Your other big project has been this blog, and you've been churning out content on the regular. How does it feel to switch mediums, to switch from your home in the pages of the Nelson Star and unleash your work online? Obviously there's no word count limits, which is nice, but what else inspired you to make the jump?

It was probably just a procrastination tool. 

It seemed more fun than what I was actually supposed to be doing. I had no goal initially and didn't give a lot of thought to how it would look or what it would contain. I didn't even really envision anyone reading it. (Which is not unusual, since I've written lots of things for my own amusement and never bothered to share them. Some have since been posted on the blog.) 

Now I do pay more attention to what I'm doing and actively try to increase page views, although I view it purely as a game.

#4. In a number of your historical posts you write about about the First Nations residents of the West Kootenay, including the Sinixt and the Ktunaxa. (Cool postcard of those pictographs, by the way.) This is a subject I don't know much about, and surely I'm not the only one. In your research, what have you learned about their history and how do you feel it informs your understanding of First Nations issues today?

I don't pretend to be an expert on local First Nations. But I am very interested in overlooked stories and overlooked people. 

The First Nations of West Kootenay certainly fall in that category. For generations we experienced a sort of collective amnesia, with descendants of European settlers claiming there never were any First Nations people here, or that they were only transient. That attitude started to shift about 30 years ago, and today you will hear aboriginal acknowledgements at the start of city council meetings, but we still have a long way to go in recognizing local indigenous history. 

Other visible minorities have also been given short shrift in local history, including Chinese Canadians and Japanese Canadians. For many years their stories in this area were not well told, but that has changed in the past few decades, thanks to a few key writers and curators. There is still much untapped ground: for instance, no one has ever written in detail about South Asian pioneers of this region, but I would like to. There were many Indo Canadian sawmill workers in our area, and there is even a West Kootenay connection to the Komagata Maru.

#5. I know you have a special relationship with Sandon, the ghost town just outside New Denver. (For those of you who haven't been, it's worth it just to check out the fleet of historic Vancouver buses randomly parked there.) If memory serves, you've been researching the founder — who was apparently quite the character. What is it about Sandon that initially won your attention?

Sandon has held generations of history buffs in thrall, probably because of its setting and the heights it reached before its lengthy descent into a ghost town. I am no exception. I was taken by it during my first childhood trip. Even though it was hardly an attractive place at that time, it still made a deep impression on me. I recall thinking that I'd somehow like to contribute to the study of local history, but assumed everything there was to know had already been discovered. Well ...

I became particularly interested in John Morgan Harris, the subject of the biography I am writing, when looking into myths about Sandon. There was a story he killed someone before coming to the area. I didn't believe it, but it turned out to be true. I spent a few days in the Wallace, Idaho library reading newspapers about that incident and the rest of his exploits there. 

I've also been to his birthplace and grave in Virginia.

#6. You spend a lot of time living in the past, but you also produce stellar journalism about the present day. Is it hard to switch back and forth, and do you think the two pursuits influence and inform each other?

It's not hard to switch. 

But it is nice to bring a historical perspective to a current news story, to tell your reader how typical or atypical an event is, the last time it happened, or just supply some trivia that enlivens your copy. 

In writing history I use the genealogist's toolkit more than the reporter's. The same resources people use to compile family trees I use to pursue obscure historical figures. Most of the time my subjects are long dead, so I'm not able to interview them or anyone who knew them. But I use ancestry.com and the BC archives vital events index nearly every day in addition to the aforementioned digitized newspaper sites. 

Thank goodness for those pioneer papers. Despite their biases and blind spots (those visible minorities mentioned earlier were routinely condemned when they weren't ignored), without them we would have a much poorer understanding of what went on around here.

[livemind]

Push Forward.

Live Mind Blog #3

Posted: 03/01/2017

Welcome!

     Thank you so much for your interest in the Live Mind blog! I’m actually surprised to be here. Moment of truth: this edition almost did NOT happen.

     Unfortunately, I was having dealings with every creator’s nemesis, “discouragement”. I simply couldn’t bring myself to believe that continuing what I’ve started was necessary. For a brief period of time, my heart wasn’t in it. I realized a change was needed in order to continue. 

     I went back to some of the feedback I’ve received so far on the blog, and found it all positive! For days, I kept asking myself: “What do you really want to do?” There was already an answer to that question. Then I asked myself: “Why haven’t I started yet?” There was no answer.

     One morning, during a desperate search for inspiration, I concluded that I was allowing too many things distract me. Things that weren’t contributing to my goals, both in creativity and life-wise. I decided to separate myself from everything that has been hindering my progression and to immediately start working on all the ideas sitting in my head.

     That morning is the reason this edition exists. Redirecting my focus towards everything that motivates me was exactly what I needed to do. I had to push forward. 

Dream Support:

Paige, Music Blogger

     Paige is a 24 year-old music blogger from Toronto, Canada. Inspired by her love for discovering new music and bands, she started her own blog online known as Paige Backstage.

     Besides her editorial skills, Paige has had the opportunity to interview many artists in her local music scene, and has continued to grow further her career on the internet and in real life. What I admire most about Paige is that she shot for the stars and has been successful in doing exactly what she wants to do.

     “I worked for a record label and was constantly disappointed by how my voice was ignored, despite me being the exact demographic of who they were trying to sell music to. I decided that the only way I'd be heard was to create my own space on the internet and to do it my own way...so I did.”

     ~ Paige

     Some of Paige’s inspirations include Hayley Williams (front woman for the band Paramore), Qcknd, and Gwen Stefani, but most of her inspiration comes from her friends. “I've surrounded myself with a really cool group of people that all work in creative industries, and bouncing ideas off each other usually sparks some unrelated idea in me,” states Paige.

     Paige also started another blog called At The Barricade. If you love music news about your favorite bands, as well as a great aesthetic, you’d love this blog!

     There’s so much I could say about Paige and her career. It’s insane to think that this is just the start of it. She has so many future plans, including revamping her blog to grow along with her, making nifty gear, or promoting those who do. She would love to have her own music festival tour someday, but in the meantime, her main goal is to have a full-time career on the internet.

     At this rate, it’s almost guaranteed Paige will achieve all of those goals in the near future. She’s been one of my biggest inspirations for starting Live Mind, so please be sure to follow her progress on any of the following platforms:

  Blog. Instagram. Facebook. Twitter. Tumblr. YouTube. At The Barricade.

New Noise:

“I want to make meaningful music that people can relate to. I want to make people feel something while listening to my music.“

     ~ Untraceable Sounds

     Untraceable Sounds, is a 17 year old Danish musician. She started her music project on November 4, 2015. She posted her first guitar cover on Youtube, soon after teaching herself guitar earlier that year. Untraceable Sounds started referring to the video clips she posted online in order to keep improving. She began by posting a cover of a song every few months, but early on, it became clear that her desire was to make her own songs instead. 

     “I was writing many poems, and I wanted to transform them into songs, because I have always had a passion for music. But I played drums, and I didn’t feel like I was able to express myself as much through drums as I can with guitar. So as soon as my dad started learning guitar, I picked it up too,” she states. In only two years, she has made so much progress musically! She dedicates all her free time to writing and recording songs and is truly happy with what she’s been doing.

     Her favorite band is PVRIS, which happens to be one of her biggest inspirations. She also gets inspiration from various musicians, movies, poems, and the like. Anything that sparks a feeling inside inspires her.

     Right now Untraceable Sounds is recording her upcoming EP. She wants to make the best music she has ever made with this EP, learning as much about recording, mixing and mastering songs as possible. Since she is a solo project, this is a bit challenging, but she continues to do her best to learn and become a better musician everyday. In the future, she would love to collaborate with many talented musicians. Regarding the EP, she’s planning to release it on Spotify, Apple Music, and more!

     The project Untraceable Sounds has only just begun, and with the efforts she’s already made, she will likely go far with it! After reading her story, I am beyond thrilled to have featured her in this blog. Please support this amazing project by following it on these platforms:

                 YouTube.    Soundcloud.    Instagram.    Twitter.

Amped Artists:

By: Anjali, Age: 14

     These unique pieces were created by Anjali. She’s a 9th grader with an interesting story: 

     “I started actually hating art. I never had the patience for it and it always seemed too difficult and tedious to actually do. Sure, the end results were pretty, but it seemed like the time was not worth the effort. One day in 6th grade, we had this project: to combine two animals together. I decided to do an owl and mouse...and that was the first time I was truly interested in art.”

     ~Anjali

     In the 7th grade, Anjali moved to a new school district where her art stood out amongst the rest of the students. She spent all her lunch periods in the art room drawing and talking with the art teachers and was eventually accepted into Studio in Art. Her art has even been put up in local show cases!

     Since the beginning, she has grown so much in her art. I really admire her experimental mentality! I find that using art as an escape is one of the best ways to quietly express yourself freely and creatively. This is exactly what Anjali does and it’s obviously working out great. Her biggest inspiration is her sister, who is also very talented with art and constantly helps Anjali improve.           In the future, Anjali hopes to become an animator or video game designer and be a radio hostess for side work. “The joy that those two ideas gives me (as an animator dealing with art and radio hostess dealing with music) is overwhelming,” she says. What could be more fitting than that? Her story proves that trying new things can create an entirely different outlook on the future. Possibilities are truly endless!

Live Minds:

The Wonder Years at the Marquee, Tempe AZ.

     The above compilation was done by McKenna, an 18 year-old aspiring photographer from Arizona. Like most photographers, she started out by simply taking pictures with her phone. Eventually, she got a better camera so she could further her progress. She was placed in photography class last year and her teacher inspired her to take photography more seriously.

     McKenna enjoys taking pictures of whatever she likes, including nature and sunsets, as well as pictures at concerts.

     “I'm really into the whole "alternative scene" and I go to a lot of pop punk shows. Elmakias (photographer) is a pretty big inspiration in the whole music-photography thing.”

     ~McKenna

     Right now, McKenna takes photos as a hobby, but in the future she would like to do photography in college. “I just really like going to concerts and I really like taking pictures so I'm combining all that together. I think it's cool that I have opportunities to do that,” she says. A little goes a long way, and it’ll be awesome to see her grow in photgraphy! You can follow more of her awesome work on Instagram and Tumblr.

Do It Now, Thank Me Later:

         As mentioned in my sappy introduction, it is very common for creative minds to get discouraged. It’s important to not give up when you hit low points in your ventures. Remember, every person or project you’ve looked up to has been discouraged along the way. You have to push forward.

Challenge #3: Eliminate distractions.

     In this day and age, it is nearly impossible not to be influenced by social media. However, this can be a good thing! Instead of allowing it to distract you from what you want to be doing, you can use it to inspire you. Unfollow pages that are not contributing to your creativity, and follow new pages that will continue to inspire you to bring your ideas to life! Force inspiration.

Feel free to tell me how it goes at livemindmag@gmail.com. Your story could be featured in an upcoming blog!

Get Inspired:

        For this edition, I decided to include some of my recent work. In early 2016, I purchased a camera in order to relaunch my YouTube channel. Recently, I decided to use video as a way to express my ideas more creatively. Rather than simply stating my thoughts on camera, I decided to show them. If you’re interested, please click the link below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFb3IwDppjE&t=49s

     I hope to continue making videos like this, in order to inspire myself and others.

Thank You:

Thank you so much for reading this edition of Live Mind. I’m extremely grateful for all of you willing to be involved in this project. There would be no content without all of your support, and I can’t thank you enough! Don’t give up on what you love. Continue making great things. Dream louder.

Let Me In On This:

Got a style that stands out? Tell me more!

Submissions: send info to livemindmag@gmail.com.

Questions/Feedback: Message me on Instagram @livemindmag!

Find Me Elsewhere:

YouTube. Instagram. Tumblr. Pop Punk Amino.