#my apologies to anyone who followed me for dnd or other things for this

[midnightcrows]

Dios Apate Minor pt 1

second painting here

[infiniteanalemma]

Nobility in Baldur's Gate

Edited to add: I never expected my silly, niche post to get as much attention as it has! I'm giving you all forehead smooches! 😚💋 I've gone through to clean up some things up as I've found new information. I also added a list of nobility that I've found in game and other sources to the end of the post. Thanks, y'all! I'm glad I'm not the only one to wonder about this stuff. Good stuff in the reblogs, too!

Baldur's Gate has dug itself deep in my brain, so I apologize to my poor mutuals who didn't follow me for BG3 content getting this onslaught of posts. Please bear with me until my hyperfixation wears off. 🙏

Now, I'll admit up front that I'm no expert in DnD lore*, so if I get things wrong, please feel free to correct me or just add in stuff I may have missed. I'm going off of what I've found in-game and my Google Fu skills.

That said, I do know enough about DnD to remember that Baldur's Gate nobility are called patriars, and that there are only a relative handful of actual patriar families. I was thinking about my "canon" Tav, Velassa, and her background in BG3. She's a modified OC that I plunked in-game during Early Access, so I made her a noble. It was just part of her existing character that I didn't think too deeply about. It was only after I starting playing that it occurred to me to wonder what exactly "a noble" is to a native Baldurian.

That got me digging a little more into the current state of the Baldurian nobility as of BG3. I don't know who--if anyone--needs or wants this, but I put this together for myself and decided to share it for anyone else who might be interested. I realize that this is probably pretty niche and it's rambly and long af, so I'll put it under a cut.

So, for starters, here's a list of all the patriar families, including "fallen" houses that are barely hanging on: Belt, Bormul, Caldwell, Dlusker, Durinbold, Eltan, Eomane, Exeltis, Gist, Guthmere, Hhune, Hlath, Hullhollyn, Irlentree, Jannath, Jhasso, Linnacker, Miyar, Nurthammas, Oathoon, Oberon, Portyr, Provoss, Ravenshade, Rillyn, Sashenstar, Shattershield, Silvershield, Tillerturn, Vammas, Vannath, Vanthampur, and Whitburn

From what I've gathered, Exeltis, Provoss and Ravenshade are all more-or-less destitute. Also, the Szarr family (Cazador's family) were patriars, but were believed to be entirely wiped out. No living descendants makes them a dead house, rather literally. 😏 (No, I'm not sorry.)

Now, we learn that Wyll's father is Ulder Ravengard, the Grand Duke. This brings us to the first point: There are four Dukes, known as the Council of Four, and the Grand Duke's job is to be the tie-breaker.

Traditionally, one of the Dukes is also the highest ranked officer of the Flaming Fist--that's Ravengard, who was a Fist promoted up through the ranks. Wyll tells us that his father was born lower class, and quite a few of the patriars seem to scorn him for that. The other Dukes are Belynne Stelmane, Dillard Portyr (more on him later) and Thalamra Vanthampur (more on her later, too). Of the four, two are patriars: Portyr and Vanthampur. We don't know much about Stelmane's past, except that she was a brilliant businesswoman, politician and--as we find out later--member of the Knights of the Shield. Apparently, you can't buy your way into the patriars, but maybe you can buy your way into being a Duke.

Skipping ahead a bit, when the player shows up to Gortash's coronation, there are a group of mostly patriars sitting in the boxes leading up to the front of the room. I'm listing them by seating arrangement, with box 1 and 2 being the left and right closest to Gortash, and 3 and 4 being farthest. (I don't know what, if anything, the seating arrangements imply. The second box has eight people, compared to four for all the rest.)

Lady Ailis Belt, Baron Callem Bormul, Lord Rugger Shattershield**, and Lady Alia Durinbold**

Lady Ruth Linnacker, Lord Sarken Eomane, Lady Freida Oberon, Lord Raylen Jannath, Lord Myer Ravenshade**, Lady Madeline Whitburn, Lady Beatrice Provoss, and Duke Dillard Portyr

Lady Winstra Hullhollyn, Admiral Peil Hullhollyn, Lord Randolph Vammas, and Lady Eshvelt Guthmere

Lord Milon Tillerturn, Lady Silifrey Sashenstar, Lord Petric Amber**, and Lady Haeril Birch**

Here's some pictures of the nobles sitting together. (Sorry for the terrible quality! I slapped it together for my own reference. 🙈)

The characters marked by ** aren't human, which is interesting because the information I found said all the patriar familes are human except the Shattershields. Myer Ravenshade is listed as human if you examine him, but he has a dwarf model. That might be a mistake, but I'm including him anyway. Alia Durinbold, from a presumably human patriar family, is a wood elf. Again, this could be a mistake, but unless Larian winds up changing it, it could mean that interracial marriages that once may have been looked down on are now becoming more acceptable. Petric Amber is also a wood elf, and Haeril Birch is a high elf.

Those last two are interesting because they are the only ones in the boxes who aren't patriars. If not for them, I'd have assumed the coronation was simply a demonstration for the patriars alone. Their inclusion means this is something else.

Digging around, my conclusion is that all the listed people are members of the Parliament of Peers--a 50 person advisory party to the Council of Four. However, what I found says that it's pretty rare for all 50 to attend meetings, and the usual group is between 20-30. There are exactly 20 named individuals listed, plus a group of unnamed "patriars" standing at the front.

Here they are, for what it's worth:

One thing I noticed here is that most of those listed here are Lord/Lady, but there are three other titles: Duke, Baron and Admiral. I've already talked about the Dukes. Looking into the patriars, the Hullhollyn family are notable for having a fleet of ships, so it makes sense that one of them would be an Admiral. That leaves the Baron.

I couldn't find anything about what it means to be a baron in Baldur's Gate. Going on real-world peerages, a baron/ess is generally the lowest "rank" of nobility. Basically, it's someone who was an official landowner (usually of an "important" bit of land) under the feudal system. Well and good, I suppose, but presumably all the Lords and Ladies of the patriars own land within the city. This particular Baron is also a patriar, but given that one doesn't need to be a patriar to become a Duke (normally a higher peer than a baron), that may not mean anything.

(Apparently, the term "Duke" was originally meant somewhat jokingly. That said, it still carries the weight of a title even if not the conventional one.) We don't see any other titles between Duke and Baron, so what does that mean?

This isn't canon, but my assumption is that it means the Baron owns important land outside of the city. This would make sense for Baron Bormul, given that the Bormul family apparently have investments in silver mines and vineyards. Assuming they own the mines/vineyards, that may make those lands "important" enough to the city for their owner to earn a title. Alternately, the Bormul family also has counterparts in Amn, so maybe baron is an Amnian title that got passed along. That's getting a bit far afield for me, though. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, among the group at the coronation, pretty much everyone supports Gortash becoming Archduke, with the exception of Lady Sashenstar (an old woman who really isn't too impressed with this commoner) and Duke Portyr, who expresses some hesitation at the whole thing.

Duke Portyr is interesting here. Except for Ravengard (who is thralled and conducting the ceremony), Portyr is the only Duke present. Now, Stelmane is already dead, so that explains her absence. Vanthampur is also missing, which is interesting. Portyr first, though: he was Grand Duke before Ravengard. He's the one who re-instituted (Edited: and originally created!) the Parliament of Peers to make the day-to-day decisions of running the city, and ceded the title of Grand Duke to Ravengard. He's described as being conflict-averse, so it makes sense that he'd go along with Gortash's coronation, even though he's clearly unhappy about it. Also, the current leader of the Fists is also a Portyr, likely still Liara Portyr, the Duke's niece and Ravengard's second-in-command.

Thalamra Vanthampur is an interesting character, too. She's the head of the Vanthampur family, and part of the Descent into Avernus story. Apparently, she's the one who got Ravengard to go to Elturel before it sank to the Hells, intending to take his place as Grand Duke. From what I read, she also conspired with the Dead Three's cults to murder people in a bid to discredit the Flaming Fist. (The murdery bits were undoubtedly left to Bhaal's cult.) We never do find out anything about Thalamra Vanthampur in this game (I assume that's probably cut content). (Edited: She is mentioned in one of the in-game texts as having been killed, which was one of the possible outcomes of Descent into Avernus. Larian chose that as their canon, just like the fate of Elturel and Zariel.)

The only Vanthampur we do meet is Carnelia Vanthampur, who is in the Guildhall and describes herself as "a peer of the Parliament". She's willing to work with either the Guild or the Zhentarim. Nervously of course. Also interesting is that, on the Bloodstained Parchment hit list, is a Varri Vanthampur, whose gravestone you can find in Candulhallow's Tombstones shop, reading: "Varri Vanthampur. Unwanted in life, welcomed in death."

Interesting, hm?

Also on that hit list is Fridrik Hhune. The Hhunes apparently have links to the Knights of the Shield, from what I looked up--the same group the Emperor led with Stelmane. The only Hhunes we meet in-game are Blaise and Gheris Hhune, two of the werewolves in Cazador's ballroom who are brothers according to the dev notes. With them is another werewolf of a different patriar family, Duver Rillyn. This suggests Cazador has been going after members of patriar families, which sort of fits with what we know about his plans. We really don't find anything else out about them except that they consider Cazador to be their master and Astarion says they're new.

We also can talk to a Flaming Fist who mentions that Hurlbut Hhune is the father of Henrietta Hhune, who used to be secretly engaged to the Fist in question, only for her father to decide to arrange her to marry fellow patriar Derque Rillyn, who the Fist describes as "a major arsehole."

That conversation is interesting for a few reasons. For one, it tells you that arranged marriages within the patriar are a thing. Also, this Fist is a Manip (essentially a Sergeant) who can't ask the other Fists for help because "the Fists don't mess with wealthy patriars, they've got the Watch to back them up." That's aligned with what Devella can also tell you: "There are patriars on the murder target list. I'm oathbound to secure them first, so I'll be heading to the Upper City next." If you say that the Fist should protect everyone: "Not from around here, are you? We're in Baldur's Gate - this is just how things work."

This brings me back to my original issue: what is a Baldurian noble? The patriars are canonically nobles, of course, and they're undoubtedly seen as the "most important" of the nobility. From there, it's not much of a stretch to say that anyone who has earned the title of Duke is now a noble, even if they aren't patriars. I'd go so far as to say anyone on the Parliament of Peers (and their family by association) is a noble^, given that non-patriars Petric Amber and Haeril Birch are considered Lord and Lady. The information I found about that is that there are approximately twelve non-patriar members. If Amber and Birch are two of them, that leaves another unnamed 10.

^Edited: Looking at the dates, I realized that the Parliament of Peers is a very recent change to Baldurian governance. Duke Portyr originally created it after the three other Dukes on the Council of Four were assassinated. It was clearly meant as a temporary measure, but my guess is that the patriars liked having more official say. Not to mention the non-patriars who managed to get a seat. This has all happened within even the youngest of Tav/Urges' lifetimes.

Personally, I'd also assume that branch families of the patriars probably also count as nobility. By branch family, I mean those that marry out of the main line but whose ancestry stems from a patriar family. From what I've seen by naming conventions, Baldur's Gate seems to use patronmyic lineage--ancestry is generally passed to the sons, and wives take their husband's surname. So, if a daughter marries out of the family, she'd no longer be a part of her father's family lineage, but still would be considered nobility. These branch families likely still maintain powerful influence and connections from marrying into wealth, which would make them a good political/financial choice of marriage alliance, despite no longer having the main branch patriar family name. These families are also probably the ones most likely to find a place on the Parliament, too, but likely have to jockey for position if their "representative" dies (or otherwise leaves) and a new opening in the Parliament is created.

If you've read this far, as a treat you can have some crappy close-up portraits of the nobles at Gortash's coronation, grouped together in their respective boxes. 😚

* For what it's worth, I'd count myself as a casual DnD player. I have some knowledge of DnD--I've played BG1 and 2, Planescape: Torment, along with some general cultural osmosis. I've had friends who played the tabletop version, but for one reason or another, I've never played it myself.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for blocking a friend on instinct? So i (f16) have this friend, (m16) we can call him D, who i've been friends with since kindergarten.

About a year ago, i started growing very close to D through our friend group's dnd campaign we held every friday. I knew him for a long time but that was the first time we had started hanging out out of school. We were talking on snapchat every night just chatting and after a while he started to send much more... revealing snaps. Just his bare shoulders but like without a shirt. He said it was because he had to let his medication for his back dry. I was a little uncomfortable, but we were friends so i didnt think that it would escalate into anything weird.

After about a month, D starts sending snaps in a towel and pictures of his chest which made me very uncomfortable. I kind of let the chatting die down after that because it was the only way i could think of that would be enough to gently let him down easy (i was wrong). I stopped going to the hangouts with that group and kind of distanced myself because how uncomfortable D made me. This only made D try harder to get my attention.

I was still friends with the others in the group so i would often have one-on-one hangouts with the others and watch tv. One thing we watched was Miraculous and we laughed and joked about it all the time. D overheard us or something and went home and binge watched the entire series in a week. Then everytime i ate lunch with that friend group, D would always make direct references to Miraculous or sing the theme song really loud. This wasnt once a day, D would make miraculous references every single minute. He became obsessed with the show (which, for reference of how weird it was, D is a very religious Christian boy. He gets upset if he gets an A- and never drinks caffeine (no problem with any of those things but just understand that kind of guy being deep within the fandom of Miraculous out of all shows 😭)). It was so bad, and it once again was making me very uncomfortable.

Eventually, it got to an insufferable point where D changed his route to go home and made sure to pass me every day after school and wave. I started avoiding him in the halls, he would always ask obscure questions that werent that important. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore so i set boundaries.

A text i sent to D: i apologize if i ever caused any misunderstanding, but i would like to make it clear that im not romantically interested in you. i can see that you have been trying to grow closer, but i dont feel the same way. i don't appreciate being followed around, and i dont like when people force themselves to like the same things i like. its not attractive to be a copy of someone. i enjoy being your friend but it's difficult to disregard these things. if im being totally honest, when you do things like this, it makes me really uncomfortable and borderline creeped out. i know crushes wont disappear overnight but i would appreciate more space. if youre looking for a girlfriend, this isnt the right person, nor the right way to get it. and i wont tell anyone about this so dont worry about word spreading or anything. thank you

D's response: Oh, I'm so sorry I made you think that! I don't have a crush on you, I just noticed how you don't hang out with our friend group as often and I just wanted to make sure that I was being as nice as possible to make sure you weren't mad at us or anything. I did start to think that maybe me trying all that made me seem clingy or annoying, so I'm really sorry for all of that. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I'll try to do better now!

This didnt sit right with me because after all of that i cannot fathom how that translates to "i wanted to include you". This made me question a lot about the situation.

Reasons i feel like i MBTA: i'm over thinking things and D could be a genuinely a nice person. Its hard for me to read the room and i need to work on that and probably apologize to D.

Reasons i feel like i MNBTA: i should trust my instincts rather than ignore them. I've had a psychological abuser in my family before and the situation could be a stalker behavior that i've learned is not ok to have.

What are these acronyms?

[junijunijune]

Knotting | Virginity | Impact Play

Kinktober 2024

DND flavoured again M/F - Half-Draconic Sorcerer/Rogue The impact play is squint and you miss it but still. Bingo. This is my favourite one so far. I really like these two. This was GREAT fun.

Annette slapped his ass as a joke. They were all a little tipsy. The adventure had gone well and they had come back with some excellent treasure to sell. He was just so serious and intense all the time and it had seemed funny. A way to get a rise out of him. She’d expected a little jump and maybe a scowl. Instead he turned and gave her a level, serious look. She flashed a grin.

“Did I cross some dragon cultural taboo? Are you going to lecture me?” she asked.

A look passed between the others sitting around the camp fire. She had definitely crossed some line but they’d all been giving her a lot of leeway on that sort of thing. She was the thief. It was her job to wiggle in and out of tight spaces with big bags of gold. It wasn’t her job to be diplomatic. When her shitty back alley manners annoyed one of the oh-so-serious adventurers, they all laughed it off. So she wasn’t too worried about it.

“Is that what you want? A lecture?” he asked.

“Not really, no,” she told him.

“And what do you want?”

“An orgasm so good I forget my own name, twice my share of the gold, a really good pair of boots, what else? A dog? I want I dog. A smart one, that can do tricks and will bite people who try to break into my flat. Why, what do you want?”

He scowled at her.

And then stood and walked away.

She sighed.

“Gods above, you are a nightmare,” said the cleric.

“Oh, excuse me,” she drawled trying to laugh it off. The cleric just scowled with her stick firmly lodged up her ass. Annette stuck out her tongue. She was being a petulant child but sometimes, rarely but sometimes, she could get Marhax to play along with her and she'd been hoping for a laugh from him not the scowl.

“If you want some recreational sexual harassment, go after Korentin, he’ll enjoy it.”

“I would in fact welcome it!” Korentin said. “You can slap my ass any day.”

“Should I go apologize to the scaly bastard?” Ani asked.

“We’ll be back in the city tomorrow, you should leave him alone, he’ll never have to see you again.”

Ani exhaled hard. She had never quite gotten along with Rekki. Rekki liked rules and order. Ani was an impulsive nightmare who liked to make Rekki scowl at her. She leaned in and put on her sweetest smile. “Delightful mood we’re having this evening, isn’t it?”

“Did you know he was raised by the dragon side of his family? Never spent any time around humans. You’re probably his first crush and you’ve been torturing the poor bastard since Waterdeep. Leave him alone.”

Ani shoved her foot further down her throat by saying, “If you’re so worried about his fee-fees you can follow him into the woods.”

The look she got said that the cleric had definitely made a pass at the scaly bastard and had definitely been shot down. Ani was offending everybody on the last night of the trip. Korentin looked amused by it all but Korentin always looked amused by everything. He was just enjoying every part of his life. He was enjoying the drama and popped a handful of whatever snack he was eating into his mouth and grinned as he chewed.

“Ah,” she said. “That’s something to think about. Hm. Alright.”

She got up and walked away from the fire, not in the direction that Marhax had stormed off but it didn’t take her long to loop back around and head in that direction. Curiosity. Impulse. The idea of the big scaly weirdo having a crush on anyone was almost funny and the idea of him having one on her was a whole different idea.

He was pretty. Big gray eyes. Black curls. Silvery blue scales that were shiny in the sunlight. He was mostly human shaped except for the tail and the horns. He was very tall but willowy. Useless in a fist fight but he called down lightning and had saved all their asses a handful of times. The claws, the horns, the scales, all the magic, the serious expressions. He didn’t seem like someone it was possible to torment with recreational sexual harassment. He was an otherworldly creature, not some guy.

She found him by the edge of the lake, stretching his back and looking at the water. She snuck up on him out of habit more than an attempt to surprise him. Quiet and a bit uncomfortable. Ani was good at being an asshole and bad at apologizing for it. She climbed up onto one of the rocks nearby and finally got her self together enough to say something.

“Sorry, Mar,” she said.

He jumped like she’d set him on fire. Whirling his a palm out and his eyes lighting up. She held up both hands in a surrender gesture. He could definitely obliterate her in a fair fight. He could probably obliterate her even if she’d snuck up on him with the intention of knife him in the guts and robbing him. He dropped his hands and did scowl.

“I’m a little drunk, just trying to be funny,” she said.

He let out a string of curse words in a language she did not understand.

Ethereal. Not just some guy. Incredibly powerful magical being with long thick claws and shimmery scales. He was even wearing robes. He was definitely not just some guy who was capable of having a crush on a street urchin with messy hair and light fingers. That was definitely Rekki trying to get Annette into trouble by telling her something stupid that would embarrass her.

“Apology accepted,” Marhax managed to say in the tight annoyed voice he used most often with her and not the others.

She did not say, hey, Rekki implied you wanted to fuck me and making jokes about orgasms is akin to torturing you. She thought it but she didn’t say it.

“Where are you headed once we get back to town?” she asked.

“I don’t know.”

He started to walk away from her again and she hopped down off her rock to stand in his way. He had more than foot of height on her and while he was willowy and slender compared to Korentin, he had very nice shoulders. He pressed his lips together and the serious look flickered into a tiny frown.

Impulse won out over being polite or flirtatious. Ani was not good at any of that. Her mouth opened and words came out. That was how it had always been.

“You know, if you wanted to celebrate, I’d be very very open to that. If you wanted. We could. You know. I’m trying really hard to offer you sex without being offensive or culturally insensitive.”

He blinked at her.

Fuck. Rekki set her up.

“You’re very human, aren’t you?”

“Yup. Not even the wizardy magicky type of human. Garden variety. Common as dirt.”

“You’re not common,” he said.

It was her turn to blink. “Bet you I am.”

“You’re very impressive.”

“The thieving? Sure. Gotta pay the bills. Still garden variety dirty dirty human,” she said with a shrug.

“Annette,” he said in a tone that made her stop her rambling entirely. He leaned down to study her face and she was immediately self conscious about the tangle she’d yanked her hair back into and whether or not there was any actual dirt on her face. He was always intense. Of course he’d be intense about an offer for a drunk post-heist fuck. He touched her chin and used a clawed finger to tilt her chin so he could study her face.

Her hand came up to rest on his chest. All the colours of him were icy and cold but he was warm. She could feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his top.

This was a bad idea. He was intense and he was not a dirty common back-alley human. He was warm and beautiful and so serious. She was going to fuck this up incredibly. She knew how to fuck other back alley urchins. She even knew how to fuck rich men who had something she wanted. She did not have any idea what to do with magical half-dragon men with serious eyes and gentle hands.

“Marhax,” she said when the silent moment had stretched too far.

“I would like to take you up on your offer.”

“Thank fuck,” she said and then immediately snapped a hand over her mouth because it broke the mood and even he let out a startled little laugh. “I- um- Good. Yeah. Ok.”

Once his seriousness broke, he smiled at her. Fuck. He had sharp serrated teeth. He laughed and shook his head and then he leaned the rest of the way in and kissed her. She twisted her fingers into his shirt and held on for dear life. He was tentative and she managed to hold herself back and let him kiss her softly for a few moments.

Storybook perfect.

Then she was pulling him in tighter and hooking her arm around his neck so she could kiss him harder. The kiss got hungrier. He did not try and slow her back down, he met her with a clumsy enthusiasm that reminded her that he’d probably never been with a human before. What was dragon sex like? Was his pretty elegant humanness a turn on to the other dragons? Had he been the outcast in school or the most fuckable twink in class? Ani kissed him again rather than risking her mouth running away and asking all those questions.

She resisted the urge to get her tongue in his mouth with those teeth. She could handle the possibility that they were sharp enough to cut her but he’d probably freak out if he thought he hurt her. He laughed when she kissed his jaw and then down the side of his neck. He tilted his head back for her and groaned a little when she found the line of scales that ran down from the hollow behind his ear. She dragged her tongue along them until she got to his shirt collar. She fumbled a bit to unlace it and he enthusiastically let it drop.

“If I’d known kissing shut you up, I’d have tried it earlier.”

She barked out a laugh and looked up at him with her mouth still pressed against his collar bone.

“Don’t tell Rekki. If she tried, I might have have to murder her.”

“I think you’re probably safe there,” he said. “Korentin might try but not her.”

“True.”

Korentin had made a few passes early on but it had taken Ani didn’t like to fuck coworkers on a job. Especially early on a job. Too many complications. Flirting was fine but things got weird if a guy thought he had some special connection. Women could be even more complicated even women who were more likeable than Rekki. Intense dragon-men with beautiful laughs were a whole different realm of complicated but if it went really, really bad, she’d be back in the city in a few days with enough money to disappear.

And there was the tiniest sliver of a chance that it went very well.

“Take off your shirt,” she said.

He obeyed immediately, pulling the shirt off and dropping it in a heap with the robe. The scales covered a lot more of his chest and back than she expected. The lines on his arms and neck suggested that it was a little bit of decoration but his entire back was scales with small spines she could feel when she pulled him back in for another kiss. That line of not-quite-spikes led down to his thick tail. He stomach was a little more human with the trails of scales that ran off his back petering out into smooth skin over his rubs and belly.

Ani took her time. He liked to kiss and he let her run her hands all over him as long as she kept her mouth on his. She steered a little, picking out one of the rocks by the shore to sit him down on so she could climb into his lap. She sat on his thighs and played with his hair and then traced her fingers along his horns. He shivered a bit.

“You can feel them? I figured they were like finger nails or something?”

“Like teeth? I mean, they’re not teeth, but there are nerves in there. It would hurt if you cut it off.”

“I won’t hurt you, I promise,” she said kissing the middle of his forehead. He wrapped his arms around her a little more tightly and she let him hang on for a few minutes while she traced the blue and silver lines of the curving horns from base to tip.

“Any requests?” she asked.

“Requests?” he echoed sounding a bit spacey.

“So my intentions here are to get on my knees and suck your cock until it’s hard. Then I’m going to climb back up here and ride you until I get that orgasm that makes me forget my own name. Then we’re both going to take a bit of a breather and when you’re ready to go again. I want you to lay me out on the ground and fuck me again. But. It’s a flexible plan. I’m open to suggestion.”

“That sounds good.”

“Perfect.”

“Wait,” he said before she could get down off his lap. “Take your clothes off?”

She smiled at him. He said it like a question. Sweet and almost innocent. He wasn’t that young. He had mentioned being forty something. Dragons lived a long time but he was still at least twice her age. Still, in that moment, he seemed sweeter and younger than he usually did. She kissed him and then stood up in front of him and put his hands on the laces at the front of her shirt. Her jacket was still back by the fire, her boots were loose, she was halfway to undressed by the time she’d had her third glass of wine.

Watching him carefully open up the poorly fitting shirt was the hottest thing that had happened so far. He was careful, he used the claw tips to open everything up. She was deeply distracted by the possibility of him using those claws and simply ripping her clothes off. Some other time maybe. He seemed intent on the storybook perfect moment and she didn’t want him to rip up the decent trousers that actually fit. He unwrapped her like he was unwrapping a present until it was just her in her panties and bra. It wasn’t a matched set. Now that she had some money, she should buy some hot lingerie. She took the bra off and added it to the pile of discarded clothing. Better. At least the panties didn’t look so ragged.

Marhax touched her like he wasn’t allowed and was about to get scolded. Gentle. Careful, with glances up at her.

“Honey, you’re not going to hurt me,” she said. She pulled his palm up to her breast and squeezed a bit. He took the encouragement and repeated it. He squeezed her breasts, weighed them in his hands. Slid his palms down and did the same with her hips and her ass. There was strength in those hands and he was not quite sure how much of it to use.

She let him do what he wanted with her with as much patience as he’d allowed her when she was tracing scale lines and fussing with his horns. Almost as much patience. She wasn’t a patient person and it didn’t take long before she was tracing the lines of scales that ran down his sides and over his hips towards his cock. She could see the bulge of it through his trousers and set about freeing it.

“Oh,” she said once she’d unlaced and pushed enough fabric out of the way to get a good look at it. “That’s not a human dick.”

He choked on a sound that was half laugh, half cough.

“That was rude,” she said. “Was expecting it to be human. This isn’t bad. This is really, really not bad. I am not complaining. You surprised me.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s very big and blue and um, that is not the shape of most human cocks. I talk when I’m nervous.”

“My cock makes you nervous.”

“Yup,” Ani said. “Not going to let that stop me. Just for the record. I am very very into this challenge but yup. Yup. Yeah. It makes me a bit nervous. Yup.”

She did not actually want to talk about it so she gathered it up in her hand and licked the tip and that shut him up very fast. She couldn’t close her hand around the thickest part which was ridiculous. It was narrower at the base and the tip but it flared in the middle to a truly unmanageable girth. She wasn’t paying close attention to whether or not the blue was just skin tone or if it was really scales. If she thought about it too much, she’d get intimidated again. He was smooth as silk in her mouth and the slit at the top drooled a little bit with a salty sweet precum. He swore when she licked it up.

She pressed her head up into his nervous hovering hand like a cat who wanted to be pet. God she wanted him to pet her. He stroked her hair back from her face and she started to get used to the taste of him and the texture of him. Making peace with that flared shape was going to take awhile but maybe she could take it. Maybe.

“This,” she said giving his cock a little shake, “Is not going to fit inside me. But I think we should try.”

“We should try,” he said with a nod. “Come here. Let me touch you.”

One of the problems with being an impulsive lunatic was that sometimes Ani got herself into situations where she climbed up onto the lap of an ethereal half-dragon lightning god and then he looked at her like she was beautiful and then she pointed his massive dragon cock at her pussy and tried to take it. He closed his eyes and his mouth fell open and his hands hands tightened on her hips as she slid down. It was normal and then it was big and then she reached the point where it was just too thick. She also closed her eyes and for a moment, they sat there like that. Ani lifted herself up and then eased back down, a little further this time.

It was slow going until she got a sense of how much she could take and then she started to actually ride him. She bounced on his cock, up and down, making a bit of a show of it while his hands roamed all over her body, squeezing and exploring. She had good thighs from all the climbing and thieving and she kept up the bouncy show-off fuck for a little while but soon she wrapped her arms around his neck and settled in closer.

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Just another dirty filthy human,” she said.

“I guess I like dirty filthy humans,” he said.

“I can you tell you do,” she said.

She shimmied her hips and she slid a little deeper onto his cock which stretched her out even more. The closer position let her cuddle up and kiss him but it also meant he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in. His cock slid deeper into her. She was very wet but that made her gasp. He kissed her and she tried to work her hips against the thickness stretching her open.

“Don’t stop,” he muttered and he kissed her harder.

Ani didn’t and the more she rut herself against the thick swell of his cock, the more of it slipped into her. He was all moaning and encouraging and happy little sounds as she kept going and it felt good. It stretched her out but it was a very good stretch and she was starting to get close to her orgasm so she kept chasing it. Kept trying to fuck her way deeper onto him.

When his cock slid home, it happened all at once. Ani arched and screamed in surprise as she slipped past the widest part of his cock and her cunt just took it in. The thickest swell of it was now buried inside her.

“Ani? Annette?” he sounded worried as he turned her to look at him and she burst into laughter.

“Guess it fits,” she said.

“You ok?”

She panted and squirmed a bit, trying to find a position where she could work with something that big lodged inside her. The base of his cock was narrower but that big thick flare left her feeling stuffed. She couldn’t quite bounce on it and ever shift now had that thick scaled ridge rubbing against her g-spot.

“I’m good. Kiss me,” she said. “Before I start running my mouth again.”

He laughed but he did as he was told and she kept her mouth pressed to his as she worked her hips hard against that ridge. The orgasm built up and she screamed a little as she pulled back, that thick bulb popping out of her with a wet sound as she had a squirting, shaking orgasm. Marhax grabbed her and wrapped her up in a hug as she shivered and laughed against his neck. He kissed her repeatedly.

“Ready?” he asked when she was breathing evenly again.

“Ready for what?” she muttered kissing his neck lazily.

“Ready to go again?”

“Again?”

“Oh you do get out of it after an orgasm, I thought you were joking about forgetting your name,” he said.

“You really want to go again?”

“I haven’t had an orgasm yet, I was hoping for one,” he said. “If you don’t mind.”

“Don’t get all gentlemanly on me when I’m like this, dragon boy,” she said giving one of his horns a little tug. “Yes, gracious sir, I do not fucking mind one bit. You earned it, you can come as many times as you want. My cunt is your cunt.”

“You’re the least romantic person in the world,” he said.

“When I say dirty filthy human, the dirty and filthy bits aren’t the human parts. I’m just dirty and filthy as my natural state.”

He kissed her with a sigh. “Why you? Why is it you?”

“Because I slapped your ass and followed you into the dark to offer you a fuck?”

“I like you.”

“Stupid decision,” she said. “Rookie mistake.”

He kissed her again and laid her out on his robe on the ground. She stretched, feeling very satisfied after that orgasm. He kissed her again.

“It wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t stupid and I don’t regret it.”

Before she could parse too much of what he meant, he slid his cock back into her. He had to work it back in but he was insistent and she was still stretched out and very wet. That moment when the thickest part of him settled inside her knocked her head back again. This time, she was stretched out on her back and he had on the control. He lay over her, close, nose to nose and he kissed her mouth and her cheek and her neck.

He thrust and she gasped. He set up a slow and clumsy rhythm as he figured out where he wanted his knees and her legs. He fucked like a virgin but he took the little corrections well when Ani tilted her hips or gave his knee a tap to have him shift it.

“This your first time with a human.”

“Yeah,” he said pressing his face into her neck and kissing her pulse. “This is my first time with anybody.”

She startled a little bit at that but he’d learned her trick of kissing rather than talking. He pressed his mouth to hers and thrust a little faster and she forgot to be overwhelmed by the idea of being his first. She was too busy worrying at his bottom lip and tilting her hips up into these harder thrusts to worry about virginity or dragons.

She came for him again somewhere in there. He kept picking up speed and the steady thrusting and the pressure of that bulging ridge against her walls had her back arching and moaning into his ear as he held her tight. He did not stop this time and she panted and whined as he kept thrusting hard and fast into her. He was getting more desperate, chasing his own pleasure as hers overwhelmed her again. She clenched down hard on his cock as her orgasm shook through her and he stuttered her hips, pressing deeper.

“Please, Mar, please.”

“Stop?”

“Don’t you dare. Don’t dare. Don’t. Don’t stop,” she muttered.

“Please what?”

“Come for me? Fill me up. Please,” she said.

“You’re mine,” he muttered in a low voice.

He was very close to his orgasm and his voice rasped a little as he growled it out in her ear, fucking into her harder. His cock was hotter and thicker. That had to be her imagination but it sure felt hotter and bigger, it dragged against her walls on every thrust, the ridges more pronounced. If she wasn’t already multiple orgasms in, it probably would have hurt. As it was, it just made her more whine for more.

“You’re mine,” he rasped again.

“I’m yours,” she said. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m. Yeah. Yours. All yours.”

He growled again, deep and nowhere near human. His cock spasmed and he pressed it in. The narrower base was thicker and the entire thing felt huge as he jerked a few times, emptying himself into her. His seed was hot enough that she could feel it flooding her. The thickness of the cock spasmed and pushed in deeper. His hips stayed tight against her and his cock itself spasmed and shifted.

He swore against her neck. He was breathing hard, panting and shaky as he curled in tight. He was still buried inside her. Very thick and bigger than he had been. The base shrunk back normal as they caught their breath but the part inside stayed swollen and hard. The thick ridges did not retreat, he did not get soft.

“Didn’t know I could do that,” he said.

“What’d you do?”

“Knotted.”

“Ok, pretend I don’t know what that means?”

“Cock swells up, it keeps the cum inside and allows for repeated breeding attempts with the same mate,” he said like he was reciting from a textbook. “Honestly thought I was too human for it to happen. You ok?”

“I think so. Yeah. Sure. I’m good. I’m good. It’s hard to be upset after sex that good even if I seem to have something the size of a melon lodged in my vag. You know.”

“I don’t think it’s that big.”

“You can get pedantic when it’s stuffed in your vag. Don’t tell me you don’t have a vag. I don’t want to hear it. I have a ridgy dragon melon cock and what feels like a gallon of cum inside me.”

“You’re funny. Obnoxious but funny.”

Ani looked up at him. He was still buried to the hilt inside her and the endorphin rush of the orgasm was starting to recede enough for that to be uncomfortable. He was all smiles, teasing. Happy. The cold serious sorcerer was replaced by these bright eyes and toothy smile.

“You’re cute,” she echoed. “You’re a pedantic dork but cute.”

He nuzzled into her neck and lay there. One of his horns rested against her cheek and she reached up with one hand to play with them again. He let out a happy little sigh and settled in closer which shifted the knot inside her and made her gasp. He kissed her neck and reached out to clumsily pet her cheek. It really was hard to be upset after sex that good and someone who was quite so happy to be cuddled up against her.

“Next time-” Ani started.

“Next time? Marhax interrupted.

“Yeah, dumb ass, next time, there had better be a bed. Next time I do not want to be lying on the ground like this.”

“I like the sound of next time.”

She smiled. “Yeah me too.”

[zoedaw-time]

Ocverse infodump👀???

OHOHOHI GLAD YOU ASKED CAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN

General Gist: They’re for a game I’m planning that has both a story mode and a free play mode. A roguelite with multiple playable characters but it’s gay and you fight hordes of angels. You unlock the characters via the story mode!

Story modes plot is how their town is slowly being invaded and colonized by hordes of white missionaries seeking to take advantage of the towns location being in a spot where the barriers between the spirit and mortal worlds are weak enough to open rifts between the two.

The main theme I’m exploring is love. How love changes and inspires. With characters love for each other, love for home, even love in faith can inspire them to stand up against tyranny. That love isn’t the same as aimless pacifism or inaction.

There’s quite a lot of them so hope you don’t get lost in it. I can always send you a script over in DMs if you want to read the whole story so far! (It will be subjected to change).

Achilles (any): They’re the ones who spark the domino effect that’s in the story. She’s a recent move in to the town and is an extremely curious kid who is strong and skilled enough with a shovel to take down a several hundred pound angel.

He is determined as hell, though is able to recognize when she needs to stop. Feeling guilty when the trail she was following was a dead end and a hurt person. Also she’s intersex bigender so he’s gender fuckery.

They’re so special to me because we never see intersex characters in media. I wanted to represent so many people I knew and know (I’m questioning intersex!), and they’re the original main character before I turned every teen playable!

Eli (she/they): Achilles online partner before she moved into the town. Unlike Achilles who is patient waiting to strike, she goes all out with a baseball bat. With her motto being “I’m fucking taken them down with me.”

She’s a brutally honest scrappy girl. Willing to argue and stand up to those who she knows is wrong. Standing right next to her friends no matter what. She’s part of the Navajo tribe and is a femby (femme enby!).

Orginally was meant to be a dead partner Achilles grieved, she become so interesting alive that she gets to be in the story alive and well to love.

Stig (they/them): They’re the resident fashion monarch! If anyone knows a thing about fashion it’s them. The want to be stylish also extends to their weapon which is a yo-yo! Fighting with a yo-yo is always impressive and they’re quite a master at it.

They’re understanding and empathetic but can go too far and if they think something is going on, they’re willing to break boundaries. Though always making sure to apologize if they’re wrong. They’re AMAB enby cause we need more of them in fiction. (They also get a romance arc with Achilles and Eli hehe).

Honestly? Wanted to see a lot more AMAB enbies in media and Stig was perfect for it! Fun fact: Stig means owl and with those big shades it’s not hard to see why!

Rook (he/they): A DnD history nerd incarnate, he’s even got a sword he carries around casually. Fighting wise he’s not fast but he’s a wall, knowing exactly to apply pressure with his sword and blocks with it well.

Though you’d think he’d be a meek spineless nerd, he’s very well spoken and knows when to stand up. With bravery being a value he holds close. He does get irritated at times and can snap but makes sure he lets his anger out without hurting anyone. He’s aroace (closest is QP for him), and is Jewish! As well as being adopted by two gay dads, one of them being muslim the other being buddhist.

Originally was one of my most forgettable characters, giving him his current design just hits oomf. Plus is an exercise to writing different faiths and of course we need an aroace character who’s happy about being aroace and can kick serious ass.

Bit (he): He’s all guy! Just with a better coat of paint. A gamer with an ancestral magical spear. Unlike the others who are fast or careful, Bit likes to just go all out stabbing even using it to pierce through multiple angels.

He’s a rough boy, participating in wrestling with his brother. Extremely passionate as well exerting himself 100%. Though he does get blind sighted and the passion he puts in can have colaterral damage. Still he loves those around him. GNC Irish-Scottish transmasc lesbian (he is part of a giant polycule that grows in the story).

A lot of onscreen transmasc representation is all about trying to go masculine heavily. So having a transmasc character who’s genuinely just a boy with breasts is something refreshing to see. (And yes he is inspired by Wally Darling).

Lupi (she/paw): Werewolf time! She’s a werewolf and is connected to the rifts in the town. She fights like a wild animal, grappling onto her foes and crushing their necks to repeatedly biting them.

She’s true to herself and incredibly crafty, able to think outsmart her way through tough situations. Though she’s also highly affectionate, she isn’t above pranking people. Paw is an agender sapphic wolf (and is part of the polycule!).

One of the ones I had so much fun designing, wanted to strike a balance between feral wolf like fake and humanoid in my style was a challenge. However taking the usual bubble mouth in cartoons and interpreting it as a snout did favors!

Harley (she): You’d think she’d be all edge but she’s just a teenage girl trying to make it. Unlike all the others, she fights with genuinely magic! Using a glove she moves her hands to form glyphs on the floor that explode or do other moves!

She’s a goth kid who loves her friend, family and husband*(boyfriend but she and Mit’sa pretend to be married). Though she says unsettling things, it’s all for good show. Behind it all she’s just a sweet devious jokester! But she’s not perfect as she often views herself disconnected from culture and tries too hard to connect at times.

Honestly she’s the character with the most me in it. Story wise she and her sister ran away with their grandpa from the Philippines so that Harley can transition safely and her sister Skyler can be open as a lesbian. Struggling with transness and culture, shes me when I was 13 in the most raw and real ways.

Mit’saidl (he/they): Diego the Explorer as a teenage boy haha! He loves to keep distance and quick on his feet. Equipped with a compound bow he uses rapidly to deliver hard hitting arrows!

He’s an adventurous kind-hearted boy. Though this comes at a fault when it comes to hurting people and not angels. He also loves sharing himself and his culture, often practicing braiding with Harley’s hair as well as teaching her phrases in his language.

While Harley is meant to reflect not being sure culturally, Mit’saidl is the opposite to her in that regards. He knows very well his culture! Infact he’s trans and used the name Mit’saidl as a sort of pun. As he’s Kwakiutl and speaks kwak’wala! It’s a language defined by suffixes for tone and etc. Mit’sa is the word for kiss while idl is the suffix meaning astonished! Meaning when he kisses Harley and she says his name, he smiles knowing how clever and cheeky he is. (Also yes they’re T4T!!! We need more POC T4T!!!)

Sam(he/any): Violinist little guy!! Like his brother he has an incredible passion for music! It also plays into his fighting as the world freezes and he plays a tune and affects all the enemies around him with anything. Plus he’s brothers with Bit!

They’re a bit too optimistic, often believing in the power of authority to help. However he quickly learns that he has to do it himself. He’s a bit hardheaded and stubborn, but it helps him stand by his beliefs.

Not much extra commentary on him. He’s also intersex like Achilles but overall he’s been a character who I love because he’s a little guy.

Victoria(she/pretty): A The pretty princess of the group! And like every pretty princess she gets a big ass sniper rifle! She’s fast and hits hard from distance with it.

Though she is definitely self-absorbed, she knows what to fight for. She is actually incredibly keen and logistic. Able to deduce when shit is up. She values her achievements and awards, but when face with the choice to give her friends up or her awards. She’d pick her friends

She’s canonically NPD (I got NPD!) Don’t have a set gender or sexuality but she’s like “I’m so fucking cool.” However story wise she’s grieving her dad, with her and her sister in the story being exploration of different grief types.

That’s the main introductory gang!! I’ll post for the others! I can always send you the script if you want fnfmfm

[vibingandsimping]

ooooh can I have a bg3 match up? I love these!! I'm 27 straight/ demisexual woman, 5 ft, freckles, waist length dirty blonde hair and green eyes. I'm v feminine, I like wearing my cute sweaters and jeans, and my boots. I like honest people, kind people, people who can stand up for themselves and others. I cannot stand Liars or cheats. Like....the kind of people who will step on someone or something, causing them strife just to get ahead themselves. Like Jeff Bezos for example. Can't stand people like that, greedy and unjust to their employees. Treat others with respect, until they SHOW you that you shouldn't. In which case eff em. I'll go out of my way for the ones I care about, don't get me wrong I'll help someone if I can but if I don't have the time or resources then I'm sorry, you can't pour from an empty cup. But if I care for you, I will be at your doorstep at 3 am if you tell me you need me. I try to be optimistic, but not to the point of being totally delulu that there aren't bad people or things in the world although I do believe there's good in everyone for the most part. Even if it's just a little. In a partner I definitely prefer someone a little more in control, I'm definitely most submissive in a relationship- domestically speaking. As far as sex goes...it really doesn't. I was taken advantage of by a close friend so I'm slow to trust. Another bit of info, I play DND (not bg3- never played) as a tiefling rogue chaotic good alignment

I am also 5’0, dirty blonde with freckles and a demisexual.

I think you’d pair with Halsin!

I believe Halsin would give you a stability in your life. He is a man of justice and consent. He’d follow along with your heroic nature and adore you for it. While he is a man of needs he’d never push anything unto you. It is all of your free will. If you ever feel comfortable with it, he’d be more than happy. As long as that’s what you truly desired.

You slouched by the campfire with elbows atop your knees. The day drew long and tiresome with battle after battle and conflict after conflict. First thing you did returning to camp was tear your armor off and into something more comfortable. Possibly reminiscent of shrugging the weight you carried off your shoulders. You cared about your companions- you truly did. It just became too much to look after all their wellbeing’s while also trying to tie up their loose ends. Who would be there to tie up your loose ends? Who would assist you with your own issues? You huffed in frustration as you used a stick to poke the campfire. The presence of Halsin hadn’t even been acknowledged til his hand cupped your shoulder. You nearly screamed as the object you previously held flew to the side. The elf bore an apologetic grin down at you. Clearly, he hadn’t any visible intention of scaring you. He takes a seat next to you as your heart calms. “Apologies, my heart. I noticed you were upset. What troubles you?” You frowned and shrugged. The last thing you wanted to do was make anyone feel guilty. Halsin wanted to help you but he knew you drew boundaries. He clasped a hand over yours (nearly dwarfing it) and spoke with a sincerity that made your heart ache. “I cannot push you to speak your mind. I want you to know i’ll always be here for you. As you always are with me.” Tears brimmed and you nodded with a lip drawn between your teeth. Even if you didn’t want to talk now- it truly did mean something that he extended the offer. You suddenly felt less alone in these struggles.

[something-pithy]

Sooo... I'm back on my bullshit. looool I started playing BG3 almost as soon as they opened Early Access, and I've been obsessed since. Because of my wild schedule, I hadn't anticipated working on anything creative until I graduate in December, but I've been down for the count with COVID for the past week, so here we are. Until December, my goal is to post once a week, but again, my schedule is nasty between teaching, librarianing, and finishing up this grad program, so I'll be forthright about that. I'll be posting links to chapters here, but also very likely ranty shit about alignment in DnD, character study and development, and a variety of other things BG3. My understanding is that people often start new tumblrs when they get on a new fandom but y'all know I barely know how to use this one. If someone wants to help me manage my life in this way, I'm down to clown but for right now, my apologies to anyone who follows this blog and does not give a good goddamn about Larian, BG3, DnD, or of course, Astarion. lol -- For the three of you in the universe who might still have interest in from the lowest slaves to the highest kings, I have not abandoned that fic. However, she's tough because I have a new job, I'm still doing grad school, and my schedule has been relentless since last I posted in ways I couldn't have imagined. Also, and I'll just be completely honest here, it's really hard gathering the motivation to get to work on finishing her up for a lot of reasons, but it's very much a solo project. Reader response is great for motivation, but since flsthk is based in a fandom that's kind of ancient at this point, plus what constitutes a rarepair, there's not a whole lot of that, especially when my posting schedule has been such trash. But I love that story and those characters, I do have a plan for it -- it's just going to have to wait until the new year when I'll have more free time to devote to developing it in isolation. Thank you if you're still paying attention to it -- it is appreciated. <3

[a-menagerie]

👋🏻 hi I wanted to kind of give an update

First off I want to apologize for not being very active and also not posting more of the dnd character posts! I still want to do those, I’ve just had other things keeping my attention.

(Mental health talk here! Skip if you need to!) after an assessment, we’re pretty sure I’m autistic! Getting an official diagnosis requires a specialist which is something I’m going to pursue, but answers a loooot of questions lol.

Critical Role is one of my special interests (I particularly latched into Campaign 2). I’m behind in c3 and I know I post irregularly, but I appreciate every one of you that still follows and interacts with me when I do post!

This isn’t any sort of promise on when I’ll return to writing but I like to keep y’all up to date. I’m sorry this turned ramble-y and thank you to anyone who read this whole thing lmao

[archived-kin]

I’m completely obsessed with your himbo bf fic with Simeon— like I cannot express the joy I have over not only himbo bf but simeon just 😭💞💞💞 I really wanna make a dnd character based off the angel you wrote would that be ok with you? Would you have any other info you have? If no to the dnd that’s a-ok but I do request more with those toe pretty please 💖💖

(please visualise me rubbing my hands together and laughing maniacally like an evil little meerkat because the rush of joy i got upon reading this ask was ridiculous)

you're welcome to use the angel as a base for a dnd character! i also just so happen to have made several notes about simeon's himbo bf in my notes app, so i'm going to go ahead and copy-paste them here for you! i don’t know how useful they’ll be, but i hope they help ^^

probably has a super fancy angel name that's like ten syllables long but just gets called a really short one/two syllable nickname by everyone instead

he was a lot more violent during the celestial war - maybe he wore a warrior's helmet or something that enhanced his fighting skills and raw strength but also basically prevented him from having proper self-awareness

this would be why he's so dumb after the helmet is removed and he has to live in peace times - he's never had to think about anything outside of war, and he doesn't really know how to function without the helmet constantly putting instructions inside his mind

(aside: this would actually give us some pretty cool food for thought if it was an actual thing in the obey me universe - the fact that the celestial realm’s higher-ups are willing to create a warrior without the ability to truly think for himself just to fight for them and then leave him to fend for himself after he’s served his purpose could play into the the reason that lucifer began a rebellion and in turn the celestial war in the first place)

he probably has a bunch of little scars. he’d have one or two particularly prominent ones on his face since i mentioned that he basically head butted enemies off of the battlefield in the original piece

doesn’t know how to use weapons, only his fists and head (his balance is kind of bad because he’s so muscly, especially on top, so he tries not to fight with his feet because he’ll definitely end up falling)

his strong point definitely isn’t his mind, but some of the warrior’s helmet influence still affects him, so he’s pretty good with battle tactics

however, his judgement is bad, so even if he comes up with a plan with ingenious stealth tactics, he’s inevitably going to choose the plan that involves charging at the enemy with large bats, yelling at the top of his voice

he first learnt how to make candied fruits because he liked luke and simeon (this was before they began their relationship) and knew they both liked sweet things, but he was too clumsy to go through all the steps of baking - plus he couldn't read very well and didn’t know how to follow recipes - but making candied fruits is a lot easier for him

wears a lot of jewellery, but only because simeon keeps buying him it

he isn’t super fussy with his food, but he absolutely refuses to eat things if the texture is too slimy 

he likes spiders and tries to remove them gently when he finds them (because simeon hates bugs), but he keeps accidentally crushing them

he doesn’t cry a lot, but it’s devastatingly obvious when he’s sad. his eyes go all wide and glassy and he fiddles with his hands and won’t look at you directly and witnessing it is enough to make anyone want to cry

holds grudges for the most trivial of things (one time another angel accidentally tipped over his wheelbarrow while he was gardening and he immediately decided he’d hate them for the rest of his existence), but forgets/forgives said grudges ridiculously easily (the same angel offered him a packet of biscuits in apology and he immediately forgot that he was supposed to hate them)

that being said, he also holds grudges against those who hurt/insult people that he’s close, especially simeon and luke

and finally, since there weren't a whole lot of notes, i also had a go at doodling you a little visual! i'm not 100% on the design, since he definitely should have been beefier and his clothes look a bit too similar to simeon's (although it'd be cute for them to have matching outfits), but i hope you like it ^^:

(i'm pretty awful at anatomy so the pose is kind of static and awkward, but i'm too tired to try to fix it haha)

[beepboop358]

I keep seeing people talk about your Byler proof slides so I took a glance at them and it’s largely reiteration of specific details that Kaypeace21 observed first. It’s great that you compiled her thoughts, but are you making sure to give her credit? She doesn’t know I’m sending this. I’m just someone with a strong sense of justice and this has been bothering me. As an example - someone just credited you with the “DND represents Byler” idea when that is 100% Kaypeace21’s original observation. And that’s just one detail. Your slides basically summarize her “reasons to ship byler” and “mileven will not be endgame” videos on YouTube, plus all of her posts here on Tumblr. Curious to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks.

Hi anon! I'm glad you bring this up actually. I've wanted to talk about this for a bit in case anyone feels the same as you! This might be a longer explanation than you wanted so I apologize, but I felt like it was all necessary.

All of the "Byler proof slides" content originated in a notebook of mine. 11 full pages of my scribblings of byler observations I found in the show, shortly after season 3 came out in July 2019. This summer in June 2021, I decided that notebook was to unorganized and I wanted to make a big document to have all the evidence laid out clearly, and in one place. It started out as a google doc where I typed up bullet points of all the things I wrote in that notebook. Once that was finished, I decided I hated it because it was too boring LOL. And I figured it needed visuals to accompany the text, because it was created largely for the purpose of trying to show my friends why byler was real because none of them believed me, and since they aren't as familiar with the show as me, I thought visuals to show exactly what I was discussing would be really helpful. I had a Pinterest board of lots of byler edits that I used for most of the visuals, but as I was on Pinterest searching for more edits to put in the slides, I came across some of kaypeace21's edits, and that led me to her Tumblr. And then I kind of had this "oh shit" moment because I realized almost all of what I had observed and written about in that original notebook, and everything I had put into that first google doc and the slides, had already been discussed by @kaypeace21 on Tumblr and those ideas were already out there. So ofc I tagged her in the slides post and mentioned her and I give her a lot of credit, because I didn't want anyone to think I had just copied all her posts and was passing it off as my own.

I totally agree with you that creators deserve all the credit.

At the time I was making that original notebook and that first google doc of all the byler proof content, which was what I put into the slides, I wasn't on Tumblr and I didn't know who kaypeace21 was (I apologize bc they are truly iconic and I now love their blog so much)

I was here on Tumblr back in the 2012 era if anyone remembers (a particularly unhealthy side of that era of Tumblr which I won't mention bc I don't want to trigger anyone) so I was reluctant to come back because of the toxicity I experienced before. I stayed far away from Tumblr for that reason until this summer. At first my friends were the only people to see the byler slides - for several weeks, but they encouraged me to post them on here so others could see too because they liked them so much. So, in July 2021 I made a new account and posted the Byler slides. I only started re-using Tumblr a few months ago, and I realized there was actually good parts of Tumblr too, and found a community here of people who love ST and byler as much as I do! So that's been the most amazing thing :) and I'm so so so grateful. I love you all <333

Following up to what you said: I don't think anyone is really giving me credit for coming up with the ideas, I think everyone is pretty aware kaypeace21 is the originator/first person to publish most of them. I think the post you are referring to is not crediting me with the creation of that idea so much as they are just mentioning that I also happen to mention it in my byler slides.

I haven't seen kaypeace's YouTube videos but I will have to check them out for sure!

I hope you're having a good day! xx <3

[himbo-hypnos]

BYF/About!

Hiya!! Please read this before continuing to follow my blog, if you could!

DNI

🌱 This blog is primarily for men and non-binary people who love men. If you align with any other identities, you can follow, but you must understand these posts are not for you. Kindly stay the fuck away from me if you are any of the following:

🌱 Te/rf + Twe/rf + Swe/rf, Ra/dfems, Anti LGBT, M/ap or Pe/do, Se/xist, a Ki/nk blog, Abl/eist, Xe/noph/obic, Det/rans weaponizers, Apho/bic —- if I forgot one I’ll add it, basically don’t be a fucking bigot, (Take out slashes between words if you can’t read them)

🌱 BLM, Covid is real, Pro choice, Trans rights are human rights, Trans men are men, Love is Love, and Gay men are not here for your pleasure. I will not discuss politics here, especially if you’re just here to argue. Any asks doing so will just be deleted.

🌱I may occasionally reblog posts that might be slightly suggestive; any of those will be tagged as “eyes emoji” if you’d like to avoid them. I am an adult, and if you are a minor, you might want to go elsewhere— if you do follow, I am asking that you PLEASE do not interact with any of the mature themed posts, as I can not physically stop you but I absolutely don’t condone it. Preferably, only 16+ are able to follow, and I apologize to anyone younger. If you follow me without an age in your bio or are younger than 16, it is not personal, but you will be removed as a follower.

🌱 I am not a therapist, and don’t have any professional mental health knowledge, so please don’t trauma dump on me! That’s something I’d only allow a mutual or friend do, because I simply can’t handle juggling other people’s issues with my own at the moment. (I’m trying to move into a shelter or low income housing, so I’m really not in a good place to be someone’s therapist)

About Me

🌱My name is Magni, but my friends tend to call me Mags for short. I’ve been given a lot of nicknames such as Sprout, Woomy, Beeb, Alastair (long story,) and Magpie!

🌱I am 20 years old (Aries sun, Capricorn moon, Taurus rising) and my birthday is April 3rd. I’m also 5’1 and a short chubby king >:)

🌱 I am bisexual, transmasc/trans-man, demiromantic, and polyamorous. This is to say, please don’t follow/message me just to flirt!

🌱I have multiple mental illnesses, but this blog is partially dedicated to my autism and adhd. I also suffer from a TBI as well as a few other disabilities, but I don’t think I should broadcast all of my problems on a tumblr blog, lol. For what it matters, I walk using mobility aids and suffer chronic pain, and might occasionally reblog or post about those two things.

🌱I have SO so many interests, some off the top of my head being Pokemon, DnD, Splatoon, HxH, FMA, BNA, She-Ra, Homestuck, Soulsborne, and absolutely way more.

🌱 I use plenty of other blogs, my main being @woomybeeb

🌱 My other blogs are:

@splat-of-all-trades (Splatoon)

@undercut-npc (Hyperfixations, posts go untagged so I can spam reblog)

@beebs-bettas (Fish and herpetofauna)

@beebs-babes (DND, art and writing refs)

@mags-bags (Cool shops and things I’ll never be able to buy. I can dream, though)

🌱I always try and make sure to tag any posts that might have triggering content, and when tagging something I’ll type the name of the trigger with tw after it. For example, “food tw” “eyes tw” “scars tw” and so on.

🌱I do digital art for all of my money, and if you’re interested in any of my art, reach out to me at my main blog, or any of my other links in my carrd. I take frequent short breaks from social media because of being a bit overwhelmed with irl things, but I’ll make sure to check as much as I can!

If you read this far, I absolutely applaud you for your patience. Congrats on passing my crash course on Me Things!

[sadsilktrader]

Secret Admirer

I apologize for my extreme tardiness for posting to the Geraskier Holiday Exchange. This was written for @gotfanfiction 

A modern Geraskier AU in which Jaskier is receiving gifts from an admirer.

...

"I'm telling you Yen, the man doesn't even know I exist. It can't be him," Jaskier paced the living room of his small apartment, small watering can in hand, completely forgotten. His plants looked on forlornly. 

"Hm," she replied, he could hear the scritch-scratch of the emery board while she only half-listened to his prattling. "All I'm saying is that he was there at the pub the night you played and he lives in your building and he can hear you when you practice and those have all been the nights you've got gifts from your secret admirer." 

"Half the building goes to that pub, it could be anyone! Plus, he doesn't even know I exist. " He flopped dramatically onto the couch, spilling water on himself. "Anyway, I'll let you go do whatever important business you have to do. You'll be here before my show on Saturday with Triss, right?" 

"We'll be there. We just have to drop Ciri off at her dad's first. Now promise me you'll at least talk to him next time you see him."

"Maybe." He grumbled. 

"What was that?"

"Fine, fine! I promise!" 

"You better. I'm tired of listening to you wistfully sigh every time we speak."

"You're the worst."

"I love you too Jaskier, bye." 

The phone clicked. 

He'd met Yen online, a friend of a friend of a friend. They played DnD together, starting off as catty enemies and somehow developing into the deep friendship they had now. She was a good person, just a little rough around the edges. Well, very rough around the edges. 

She'd settled down a lot over the last few years when motherhood had fallen into her lap though. He wasn’t certain about all the details, they were close but she was a private person. She shared custody of her adopted daughter, Ciri, with her ex. He'd never had the pleasure of meeting the man but he'd heard enough about him to form his own opinions. Heart in the right place but not exactly open about his feelings. 

Sounded a lot like his own mysterious love. He sighed again, there was no way it was his gorgeous and stoic upstairs neighbor. The man was gorgeous and kind and lovely. He was tall and pale with silky white hair. Not to mention outrageously muscular. Jaskier had seen him in their apartment's gym working out on more than one occasion. It had taken every ounce of his self-control to keep himself from openly ogling him. He'd seen him feeding the feral cat that lived in the parking lot. Helping their elderly neighbors with their groceries. Playing with his daughter on the weekends. The man was too good to be true. Which was why he was absolutely positive he couldn't be the one leaving the gifts at his door. 

The mystery man was perfect but he, Julian Alfred Pancratz, college drop out, jobless, barely squeezing by with the money he made by doing odd jobs in the apartment complex and occasionally performing at the neighborhood pub, was an absolute mess. There was no way someone like the man would give him more than a passing glance. 

He sat up quickly leaving the forgotten, spilled watering can to the side to search for his notebook and pen. At least all the angst and longing seemed to also be a fantastic inspiration. 

...

He chewed his lip, the leather-bound notebook balanced on his knee. He strummed a few chords on his guitar before setting it back carefully down to scribble something down. 

The sun was fully set now and his balcony light had flicked on giving the small area an ethereal glow. He loved the process of writing and creating outside where he could feel the world around him. There was something about feeling the gentle breeze against him, the sun and moon shining down on him, and the fluttering hummingbirds that visited his feeder that just felt right.  

He stretched and yawned and was contemplating packing up for the night when he heard it. A barely-there, soft knock at his door. Eyes gone wide he all but threw his things down and ran to the door to open it. No one. As always. There was however a small box tied in a ribbon and a note attached. 

A voice so sweet deserves something sweet in return. -love, your admirer 

He undid the ribbon and opened the box. Inside was an assortment of homemade chocolates. He popped one in his mouth and let it slowly melt over his tongue. Dark chocolate, caramel, sea salt. He couldn't help the sappy smile that plastered itself on his face and would stay there the rest of the night. 

It had been a little over a month since the gifts started arriving. Most of the time they were baked goods or sweets of some kind but occasionally it was something different.  A clutch of flowers, a silver bracelet with music notes engraved, once there was even a picture of a particularly beautiful sunrise left for him. He treasured them all. 

He was a hopeless romantic down to the core of his being. He had never met his admirer but he was sure it would be love at first sight.

…

He was bone tired. He'd spent the day hauling furniture away to the thrift store and painting the walls of one of his elderly neighbors who was soon moving to a rest home. For all the work he was paid thirty dollars and a batch of very good snickerdoodle cookies. He knew it was all the woman could afford to give him and he was grateful for that. Not exactly enough to pay the rent but enough to buy a few groceries at least. 

He stood in the deli section, weighing out the pros and cons of value pack meats when he saw him. The man, his white hair hanging loose around his shoulders, dark jeans, and a leather jacket. His breath hitched and his mouth went dry. 

Gods how can anyone look that attractive just going to the grocery store. 

The man looked up, catching him staring. His eyes the color of amber and honey. He felt like a deer in the headlights caught in his gaze. A few faint scars visible on his face and neck. He couldn't help but wonder if there were more on the rest of the man's body and felt a blush rise to his cheeks. 

"It's leaking." The man said.

"What?"

"The honey ham your holding, it's leaking."

He stared at the gorgeous being before him for a moment longer before it clicked. 

"Oh fuck," he dropped the squishy package on the ground, ham juices splashing on the both of them. 

"Oh, gods I'm so sorry," he wasn't sure his face could get any redder. 

"It's okay, really. I've had much worse things spilled on me before. You looked pretty lost in thought."

An employee glared at him with a mop and trash can. He smiled awkwardly, wishing he could just disappear. 

"You're the musician, right? I live in the apartment above yours. I can hear you playing from my living room." The way the man said it had him wondering if that was a good thing or not. 

"I'm Julian, well Jaskier to my friends and fans." He mustered up the courage he usually reserved for the stage and gave the man his best smile. 

"Geralt. I'd shake your hand but," He nodded to his arms full of groceries. "You know when you go into the store thinking you only need one thing?" 

"Well, you're in luck," he gestured to his cart, "I just so happen to have the best cart in the store. Not a squeaky wheel in sight." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Absolutely! The life of a musician leads to a very sparse diet. More than enough room for both of us. Plus we're headed to the same place." 

Geralt had an amused smirk on his face that made Jaskier's heart skip a beat. Conversation between them came easy. Geralt was the quieter of the two but his dry wit and cheesy jokes had him laughing harder than he had in ages. Handsome and funny. 

They made their way back to the apartment complex walking slower than was necessary, he noticed. 

"So you have a daughter? I'm not stalking you or anything, I just noticed her around the complex sometimes."

"Ciri," he replied. "My ex and I share custody, its-" he sighed, running his hand through his hair, "it's a bit of a complicated situation actually. But they’re moving closer soon and that should help.”

The elevator stopped at his floor and he stepped off. 

“So, I’ll be seeing you.” he mentally berated himself for not being able to come up with something more clever. The door was closing between them and he suddenly shot his hound out, stopping the door. 

“Actually, and please forgive me if this is too forward, maybe I could give you my number and we could grab a coffee sometime? Or do our grocery shopping together again?”

Geralt chuckled before reaching into his pocket, tapping at the screen a few times, and passed it over. He added his number with the name Jaskier followed by a heart and music note emoji. The moment the elevator door closed he was dancing, groceries in hand, for his forwardness paying off for once. 

…

It was colder tonight but he still played outside until his fingers were near numbing. His cheeks were flushed red from the cold. After his run-in with the man, he felt like he was walking on clouds. The world was at peace and he was the luckiest man in the world. He’d almost forgotten about his secret admirer completely until the same soft knock came from outside the door. Today was different though. Today he was brave and he had left a note for his admirer to find.

I beg of you to reveal yourself to me. I will be performing at the Royal Oak this Saturday. Please, wear this token so I may recognize you amongst the other patrons. Love, Jaskier

He strained his ears and purposely walked slowly to the door, giving his admirer time to leave the gift and find his note. He swore he heard mumbling of words. He closed his eyes and counted to ten before opening the door. 

His note was gone and in place of it a container he opened to reveal a miniature-sized three-layered cake elaborately decorated with chocolate-covered strawberries. It was, as always, delicious to the point of sin. 

He felt a twinge of guilt. He didn’t want to string along his admirer, especially if things with Geralt turned out well. But he was getting ahead of himself. They had spoken once and here he was already planning their life together. 

…

The next few days passed quickly. His wish of getting more work around the complex had come true but he was, unfortunately, unable to do any more practice for his upcoming performance. Every day he came back to his apartment with every intention of playing only to wake up from an unintentional five-hour nap on his couch. 

To make matters worse, he hadn’t received a single text from Geralt, and since his sleep schedule was completely messed up he hadn’t caught a single glimpse of him since their last accidental meeting. He thought of swinging by his place to invite him to his show but decided against it. Maybe he needed some space? Maybe he had come off as too clingy? The doubts and second-guesses were mounting.

He arrived at the pub early to set up and get some practicing in before going on stage. Geralt wouldn’t be there but at least, he hoped, his soon-not-to-be secret admirer would be. Inside the note, he’d left a silver brooch of a songbird in flight. It was small but something he would instantly recognize. The glimmer of it from the stage lights would catch his attention. At least that’s what he was hoping. He felt more nervous about this performance than he had in a long while.

“You okay there Jaskier?” The voice came from behind him and he turned to see Triss, her curls down, beautifully framing her face. 

“Oh thank the Gods,” he hugged her tight. 

“Where’s your better half?” he asked looking around the growing pub’s crowd. 

“Outside on the phone. It’s her ex, they don’t argue often but when they do,” she made a face. “Something about him needing her to watch their daughter.”

“Doesn’t he only see her on weekends? What an asshole.”

“Right?” 

He felt more at ease with a friendly face by his side and felt even better when Yennifer joined them. He was smarter than to ask her about the phone call and instead chatted about everything and anything to get his mind off his nerves. Time went by more quickly now and soon it was time for him to play. 

The second he stepped on stage his demeanor changed. Gone was any trace of nerves and doubt. The stage was his solace, the place he could bare his soul to the masses, or in this case to the forty-odd people crammed into the pub. 

It was halfway through his third song when he remembered to keep an eye out for his admirer. He scanned the crowd hoping for the familiar glint to catch his eye but there was nothing. He chewed his lip. 

The third song blended into his fourth and fifth. Still nothing. He took a break to grab a drink. He made small talk with Yennifer who raised a delicate brow at him. 

"Alright, spill it. What's got you so distracted?" 

He finished his drink and let his smile fall into a grimace. 

"I left a note. For my admirer. I asked them to come tonight. I left them something to wear so I would recognize them and-" 

"And they did show?" She finished for him. 

"Nope. Wait how did you know?" 

"First off you're terrible at hiding your emotions, and second I was fucking right and you owe me.”

“What?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “I guess I’m partially to blame, I should have realized it earlier.”

“I- what?” he asked again. 

“Jaskier. Darling. Sweetheart. I was right.” she said the words slowly as one would do to a small dog. 

“Right about what?”

“Your admirer. It’s your neighbor. You never told me but let me guess. Pale, white hair, roguishly handsome, looks like he could snap you in half like a twig?”

“How do you?” He was feeling a little faint now like he was at the edge of realizing something terrible.

“Your neighbor, your admirer, and my ex are all the same person.”

His eyes went wide. It all made sense. All the clues were there but he had just been too dense to put them all together. He’d seen pictures of Yenifer’s daughter but he’d never spent more than a passing glance at Geralt's visiting daughter. 

“Oh fuck.” he sat down, suddenly unsure of his legs beneath him. 

“He called me right before I came in going on about needing to go out for a few hours and if it was alright with me if he left Ciri alone.” she chuckled. “I told him to not be an asshole and spend time with his daughter.”

Jaskier’s head perked up. Geralt had wanted to come. He hadn’t blown him off. 

“I have to go. Fuck, I can’t leave in the middle of a set though.” 

Yennifer waved him off, “I’ll sort things off here, you go to him.”

He kissed the top of her head and gave her a quick, tight hug. “You would tell me if this bothered you right? I mean, he’s your ex and all.” 

“I think you two would do a very good job at evening each other out, now go!” She smacked him on the shoulder and off he went. 

…

He ran home, or at least halfway home before running out of breath and proceeded to briskly walk the rest of the way. He was still trying to decide what to say when he found himself outside the door, sweating profusely and looking an absolute mess. He knocked on the door before he talked himself out of it. 

“One minute!” A voice from beyond the door answered followed by the sound of an oven door closing and the chain sliding from the door’s lock. 

The door opened. He looked beautiful, even like this, wearing an apron covered in flour cocoa powder. Especially like this maybe. 

“I’m friends with Yennifer and she said it was you but I didn’t believe her and I didn’t realize that your daughter Ciri was also her daughter Cirilla which in retrospect should have clued me in but-” he took a deep breath in. Geralt looked nervous and his rambling wasn’t happening. He started over. 

“You’re my secret admirer?”

The man blushed. “I am. Is that okay?”

“Very, very okay.” He smiled. 

“Would you like to come in? I was just baking. For you.” his blush deepened and Jaskier heart felt like it would burst with affection. 

“I’d like that very much.”

[amphii-writes]

Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have

these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh

warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing

Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t

Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know

Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)

Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”

Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!

Aone likes to bake

Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing

daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON

Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry

Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid

Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together 

Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage

Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact

Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it

Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane

Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions

Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year

Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown

Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him

Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team

Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out

Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid

Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary

Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on

Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady

There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke

Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible

Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.

80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord

Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)

Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry

Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.

Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him

During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more

mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’

Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why

mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around

For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit

Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto

Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”

Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween

Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion

Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody

Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can

Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid

Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold

Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)

Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting

Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t 

KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU

Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.

Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))

Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month

TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID

atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)

tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won

i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.

Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit

Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious

tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them

Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though

Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit

kita knits and crochets with his grandma

Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran

Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn

kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up

Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks

akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice

Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again

Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.

Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know

Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming

Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"

Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off

Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord

Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym

suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest

The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother

Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|

Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray

tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it

Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said

the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"

oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid

yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together

Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"

tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him

Tsukishima had a my little pony phase

you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day

i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true

Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team

Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)

dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi 

i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone 

ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED 

IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared" 

OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now" 

Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh? 

DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"

[redeeming-sun]

How does Arator define being a redeemer, and what's his specific role as such?

Random asks // always accepting

A Redeemer is someone who ‘saves’ people. How one might go about saving them changes depending on if we’re talking canon or headcanon.

In World of Warcraft canon, I believe the role of a Redeemer is to ‘save’ them by bringing them back to the Light. What he is saving is their faith. When people begin to doubt themselves, or the Light, they can lose that connection to the Light. Redeemers are there to guide them back to the ‘right path’. This is one of the reasons I think Turalyon advocated for Anduin and Arator meeting each other. Turalyon noticed a man of faith struggling with his faith, so he sent him to a Redeemer. 

This seems like a very common thing that might happen in WoW, but I do not believe becoming a Redeemer is an easy thing. It takes a special kind of person and personality. He’s almost like a really good therapist and pastor which can be dangerous when you realize his goal is to bring people to the Light and the Light...might not be inherent good.

That’s my beliefs on the canonical version of a ‘redeemer’. My headcanon on what they do (or at least what Arator does) is that he isn’t out to save their faith. Though he has been known to bring people back to the Light, he also sees redeeming people as saving their life and/or mind. He is redeeming them by giving them another chance at a better future. By helping them find hope and forgiveness, even if they only need to forgive themself.

My headcanon for him follows more in line with how Redeemers are viewed in DnD (http://dnd5e.wikidot.com/paladin:redemption). Their path is one that uses violence as a last resort and seeks peace, innocence, and justice. Arator takes this very seriously. Friend or stranger, ally or foe, he will attempt to save anyone and everyone. Be it they’ve done something wrong and need to find a way to change and apologize, or they’re about to drown, you want him nearby because he’s like the best negotiator (high charisma yo).

The reason these two headcanons differ is that I prefer the idea of him being the Child of Light and Shadow (sorry Illidan the title would fit better on Arator) and because of that I wanted him to be more neutral. Yes, he still has his faith and it has guided him through his entire life and in-canon events make me think he’s very important to the Light (not just anyone gets visions from the Light and messages from naaru). 

Bu because he is a redeemer, and seeks to understand both sides and be just, he will seek to understand the other side of the void and its beneficial side. He cannot shy away from that side because he will be missing half the picture and that’s dangerous. That and his mom really likes the void and she just got back. He really wants reasons to be spending time with her and to get to know about her interests even if those interests make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

[bluejaytaco]

Yet again DND with Jay

(Another long one, folks. In our campaign, we have something we call a “Daiquiri Night.” It’s used for when too many people can’t be there or in situations where people are too preoccupied to do anything deep and plot-heavy. It’s pretty much a filler episode where we’re free to fuck around with very little consequences and, towards the end, the DM throws in small plot hints so it’s not a complete bust. It’s good for character development and getting the party a little closer.

Last session, we all drank and were expecting such an session. What we got was heavy plot stuff and horrible consequences. Also, so far most of the Daiquiri Nights are run by Ticket Master; being the only god who follows us so closely.)

Ticket Master: (Stopping Hennessy B from killing us and dropping Alabaster back into our party) Alright, so! Who wants to die right now?

Everyone: .....

Ticket Master: No one? Great! Now, who wants to go on a fun-filled adventure?

Everyone:...

Art: (slowly raises his hand)

Koejin: (Pushes Art’s hand back down) No....

Ticket Master, ignoring Koejin: Everyone? Great! Let’s go.

-

(We get pulled into a world that is just one giant Carnival. After giving our tickets over to Ticket Master, We all enter and start to go our own separate ways. This is where things become very character plot heavy.)

Koejin: (climbs the Ferris Wheel to see if she can see anyway out)

People on the car she’s standing on: (her parents, who keep screaming about being abandoned and how she let them die.)

DM: You see the parking lot you walked through to get here and then, far beyond that, you see mist. Above you is the portal you came through; it’s still open.

Koejin, nodding: Alright, I’m gonna head back down

Koejin’s parents: (riding on the car she’s standing on top of) You left us! You took another woman as your mother! You can never be forgiven!

Koejin: (jumps down once she’s at ground level) I didn’t abandon you. You died and I was five.

Ticket Master: (pointing at the now faded parents) Yeah! She was five! See? I backed you up.

Koejin gave him a little pat on the shoulder and nearly lost an arm for it. She then heads over to the bar to drink her face off.

-

Theodora, on the bumper cars: (Getting blamed for the deaths of her soldiers. She bumps cars with a young, fifteen year old Koejin.)

Young Koejin: Ugh, what are you doing here? 

Theodora:...I....

Young Koejin: You should just leave! No one wants you here; you’re ruining everyone’s fun!

Koejin: (In the bar, drinking real alcohol and being served by a bartender that’s not Ticket Master. In other words, having a good time. A Ticket Master portal opens by her head to show her what’s going on by Theodora.).... (Pulls out her bow and arrow and aims for Young Koejin’s head.)

DM: I want you to think about what you’re doing here. You’re about to shoot young you in front of Theodora. (Sidenote: DM also implemented a “sanity meter” for us. Anytime we see something fucked up or extremely jarring, we become a little more insane.)

Koejin’s player: I know. I’m still doing it.

Koejin shoots Young Koejin right in the head and Theodora has to roll a Wisdom saving throw. Luckily, she rolled a 19.

DM: So, Theodora. You don’t see it as young Koejin dying in front of you. You see it for what it is; Koejin apologizing.

Koejin, from inside the bar: I was an asshole. Come drink with me.

(Theodora goes through the portal to join Koejin in the bar.)

-

Hennessy, at the balloon shoot: (All the faces look like his team mates, He sits in front of Theodora’s.)

Vincent (Hennessy’s fiance), sits down at the Hennessy head: I bet you I can get mine to pop before you.

Hennessy, immediately suspicious: Alright, what do you wager? (Rolls perception to find out for sure he isn’t Vincent. His suspicions are confirmed.)

Vincent: Well, if you win, you and Vincent live happily ever after and he never has to work again. If I win, you fall out of love with him.

Hennessy: No deal.

Vincent:... Well, how about just the ring then? He can always make you another one.

Hennessy, noticeably more hesitant:...Still no.

(A Ticket Master portal opens to show Vincent slaving away at his work for Mrs. Red. His pain has him in tears but he continues on.)

Fake Vincent: You would really not save him from this pain?

Hennessy: (just starts playing the game and shoots water into Theodora’s mouth. The portal shifts over to the bar.)

Theodora, in the bar: (takes a shot and it shoots right out of her mouth. Her stomach starts to bloat and she starts to spit up water.)

Hennessy: (Immediately stops)

Vincent: (stands up) you know, Hennessy, you can be a catty bitch. (walks away)

Hennessy: (watches him)....and don’t you forget it. (Goes through the portal into the bar.)

Meanwhile, at the bar

Ticket Master, sitting on the bar: (Watching as Theodora keels over) If only there was someone who could destroy that water, you’d be fine! ((Another running gag in the campaign; Alabaster casting Create or Destroy Water more than any other move.))

-

Wreybar, over at the Test your Strength

Wreybar: (Picks up the mallet)

(Her father’s head appears on the target as she swings down.)

DM: You still have the chance to stop.

Wreybar’s Player: ... I’m gonna follow through.

DM:...What, really? Shit, didn’t expect that! So, you smash in your father’s head. Blood, bone and grey matter fly everywhere. Then, you’re entire family comes running out cheering and screaming “Wreybar! you killed us! Yay!”

Wreybar: (starts crying) I’m sorry!

DM: As you see everyone praising and cheering you, you notice something weird. There is one person not doing that. It’s your brother.

Wreybar:(goes up to him)

Wreybar’s brother: Wreybar.... what’s going on? (Unlike everyone else, he seems real)

((I was drinking so this particular convo gets a little foggy. But it ends with someone killing Wreybar’s brother (Almost positive it was Ticket Master) and the DM pulling her aside to discuss something in private. I’m typically the one who keeps track of the story so I hope Wreybar remembers this part well enough. If not, its our DM’s job to remind her anyways.))

-

Art, At the Fortune Teller (Koejin’s player: Of course you would go there!)

DM: You step in to see a robotic person who is a very racist stereotype. He’s dark skinned, wearing a turban, talking in a thick accent and saying, in a broken robotic voice “I aM a Raacis-t dePICtion! Wo-ould you like your FoRTune?!”

Art: Uhhhh, wow. This was not at all what I was expecting... Uh, is there a way out of here?

Fortune Teller: A W-ay OuT? Whaat evR do you Me-aaN?

Art:....Nevermind. Can you just... not do this? Turn into someone else.

Fortune Teller: Wh-o would you LYKe?

Art: Literally anyone else would be better.

Fortune Teller: (Turns into Alabaster) Bet-ter?

Art:... Yeah, I can work with this.

Fortune Teller Alabaster: S-oo... WouLD you lYKe your Fooort-une?

Art: Sure. Uh.... what’s my future look like?

Fortune Teller Alabaster: BLEAK!

Art: Sounds about right.

Fortune Teller Alabaster: (Morphs into Hennessy. All robotic jerking is gone.) Now, how about we talk about why you’re a piece of shit?

Art: ...And that sounds like something you’d say to me.

FT Hennessy: And it’s true; you are a piece of shit. My hubby says you abandoned your sister and I’m inclined to believe him over your lyin’ ass.

Art: Okay no. Hennessy’s the smartest one out of all of us. I know for a fact he has enough sense to not follow Vincent blindly and think I actually meant to abandon my sister.

(A Ticket Master portal appeared in the bar near Hennessy. He tunes in just in time to hear Art speak.)

Hennessy: .... (reaches through the portal and smacks the Fake Hennessy in the face. It melts away to reveal Ticket Master underneath.) You’re right, Art. I am the smartest person here. And I’m smart enough to know you have a lot of problems; abandonment is not one of ‘em.

Art: ...Alright. I guess.... you’re not so bad.

Ticket Master: (Hand on his cheek) Hennessy just slapped me.... what an honor! (Hearts appear around him)

Art, noticing this: Okay, that’s not at all concerning.... (Goes through the portal and into the bar with everyone else.)

-

Alabaster over by the Carousel  (Everyone to the DM: You better not fucking hurt him, I swear to god. ((We are all a part of the Alabaster Protection Squad.)))

Alabaster: (Sees his family near one side, his old friend on another, and Eris (the daughter he recently adopted) on a third. Sidenote: Eris was his old friend’s and General Blue’s daughter. Blue left her to Alabaster, but we ended up killing her long before knowing about Eris.).... (Sits by his family being that he hasn’t seen them in 400 years)

Blue: So, you’re gonna completely ignore my daughter? Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted you with her. Maybe I should just kill her now and put her out of her misery now. 

Alabaster: There is no need to resort to....

Blue: (Goes to Eris)

Alabaster: (immediately dives for Eris)

(Ticket Master Portal appears in the bar next to Theodora. She doesn’t see it until Wreybar points it out to her. This turns into a fight for everyone to keep Blue away from Alabaster and Eris, which everyone learned was just a heated water baby.)

Alabaster: (casts blindness on Blue)

Art: (Reaches in for Alabaster)

Alabaster, to Blue: You’re sight will return momentarily. And I promise you, Eris will be well taken care of. There is no need to worry.

DM: Alabaster, Art; you two look at each other and remember the first time you met, back in that pit where Thia saved you. You think about how much you’ve been through together and start to feel a little more at peace. Both of you roll a 20. If it turns out you somehow get the same number, your sanity will be at -20 (The scale goes from -20 to 20. Negatives are more sane.)

(Alabaster and Art rolled an 18 and a 17 respectively. The numbers were so close, the DM gave us both a point for sanity.)

-

DM: So, you guys are at the bar, having a grand old time. The bartender, for each of you, looks like you’re ideal sexual partner.

Koejin’s Player: (laugh) does that mean Art’s is just Ticket Master?

Me:..... yeaaahhhhhhh.....

DM, looks at Alabaster’s player knowingly: And what’s Alabaster’s?

Alabaster’s Player: A giraffe with Jeff Goldblum’s head.

Everyone: (laughing)

Me: Can anyone else see that? Cuz Art might be judging his best friend if he can.

DM: Nope, you can only see your own. But you guys are having a good time. Alabaster and Wreybar are understanding they both have a similar history and have been through a lot of the same issues. That starts to bring them closer. Hennessy and Art; you two now understand there is more to one another that you didn’t know before. You feel as though you’re coming to terms with one another. And, Theodora and Koejin. The two of you understand now that the past should be left in the past. There is a lot to work on, but you’re on the right track.

....(Personally, I think this would have been the perfect time for Ticket Master to send us back and let that be the end of the session. We were all closer than before and all that.... but the DM had a different plan.)

DM: The bartender shifts from your ideal partners to Ticket Master... So, he stays the same for Art.

Ticket Master: Well, now that you’re all closer, I’d say this is a time well spent. Now, here’s something you can do for me. (He slides a blank piece of paper in front of everyone.) When you’re ready, all you need to do is sign the bottom. No rush.

Art: (Sees the actual contract and decides to keep it to himself.)

Theodora: (Takes out a cigar that Ticket Master gave her and hands it back to him.) Here, so you’ll have a last smoke (she throws the contract back) when I kill you.

Ticket Master, frowning(A rare occurrence):... you shouldn’t have done that.

Me: Oh shit...

Koejin’s Player: Byyyeee Theodora....

Alabaster’s Player: (covering his mouth) nononono

Ticket Master: (his face opens up to reveal unspeakable horrors. Tentacles move out to grab for Theodora and drive her to complete insanity.)

Wreybar: (Moves in the way to share some of the insanity. Both are now insane, but Theodora is at least able to function.)

Alabaster: (Casts create or destroy water over them. I think the purpose was to get Ticket Master away from them. Don’t remember; was pretty drunk.)

DM: Oh god... shit! No...(Sigh) well, I need to follow my own rules... As the water comes down, you see a giant minotaur come from the ground behind Ticket Master. It’s Shmoogie. Ticket Master stops what he’s doing but, before he can say anything beyond “you don’t-”, Shmoogie grabs him and tears him apart. In Shmoogie���s hand, you see Ticket Master’s face. He’s saying “You have no idea what you’ve done!” Then, Shmoogie crushes it.

Shmoogie: You’ve all done well. We will deal with him now; no need to worry.

Skelly, at Shmoogie’s side: Yeah, we did good!

Theodora: Skelly! How do you know our buddy, Shmoogie?

Skelly: Well, I like sand. And I don’t have any memories, but would really like to have some so.... God of Sand and Memories.

(Shmoogie then disappears back into wherever he came from.)

Koejin: Well, good work team! No more Ticket Master.

Art, who isn’t the happiest about this turn of events:.... but now we’re stuck here.

Koejin: That sounds like a problem for Next week Koejin!

(And this is where we left off. I have conflicted feelings about this situation. Art is.... a little less conflicted than me....)

DM: Oh shit! I almost forgot!... you guys are sitting around, thinking about everything that just happened and, suddenly.... Art dabs.

Art:.... (hating his life and his creator)

Theodora: Art..... you’re so dated.....

(Context: Me and the DM are close. So close that we have a tendency to argue about anything and everything. This doesn’t work when I’m a player in his campaign. Which means, he decided that, inspired by a miniature I just bought, any time I say no to something DND related, Art has to dab. It’s a stupid little thing, but a thing nevertheless.)

[bdneiceme]

Changes....

Every year, at the end of the year, I always do a reflection of what the year has taught me. More recently I began writing Facebook posts, but 2019 taught me so much that I figured a blog would be much better...

2019, all in all, wasn’t a bad year at all. Uncomfortable? Extremely! Bad? No. I will say, it definitely wasn’t “my year”. I grew in ways that I could of never guessed. I hit record lows, but I gracefully recovered. And with God’s grace I’ll be blessed to enter into the last year of my 20s next week. So here are some take-a-ways that I learned.

1. Rejection is necessary. I can honestly say, my life has been extremely easy for the most part. The life I’ve experienced doesn’t hold a candle to some of my friends. It was imperative that I understood the string of losing, and constantly losing at that, so that I could appreciate how much life has been a breeze. I have seen more closed doors this year than ever in my life. I was angry. I was pissed. It was everybody else, and never me. It became a lot...It wasn’t until I talked to God that I understood that the rejection was protection. Even though the closed door looked like the end of the World, what was on the side coulda been way worse. Learning to take rejection and not turn it inward is an uphill battle, but 2019 definitely equipped me to better navigate those feelings. I’m grateful.

2. Love isn’t enough. With Disney+ shaking the table and having all streaming sites shook, it’s a good time to revisit a lot of our favorite childhood movies. When I was a Therapist I would refer to the “Disney effect” that many Millennials, in my opinion, are cursed with. We saw so many Princesses fall in love, go through trauma, but in the end true love prevailed. In my own opinion, we allowed Disney to romanticize some downright awful relationship standards and through some fairy tale music to it. And now many of us still follow under the unction that “true love” will always be enough. I believed it too, until it wasn’t. I found myself in a relationship this year that I was literally blindsided with. I ignored all logic and hanging out a few times a week turned into a year and half of complete and utter bullshit. Time wasted because love wasn’t enough. That little voice, the pit in your stomach, the lump in your throat...that’s not fear of commitment. That’s God literally giving you signs that, “This ain’t it Chief!” Listen to it ! If you start allowing it, you’ll have to continue to allow it and you don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that. So I cleaned the slate. I pay T-Mobile every month for an alarm clock, but that’s okay. The peace I have is so much greater. I guess my first point goes hand-in-hand with this one. Though I felt rejected, I THANK GOD FOR HIS PROTECTION ! I’m grateful. P.S. Don’t become what hurt you !

3. “No new friends”. When Drake released that track I instantly caught an attitude. At the time, my new friends was better than my old ones and I didn’t get it. Until I did. I felt so alone this year. Not depressed. Just alone. This year I had to depend on me. I didn’t have the support that I desired, I wanted. I went through some of the darkest moments of my life alone. This isn’t a jab at my friends, but I had no idea how much I needed to be alone. I needed to depend on me and only me. I had to be isolated. I didn’t need anyone to try to sugarcoat the reality of me at a fork in the road. I couldn’t afford to fallback into the same pattern of things. Truth is some of the closest people to you will stunt your growth because they don’t want to see you grow, because what happens when they outgrow you? So they plant seeds by telling you it’s everybody else and not you. So while you stay stagnant, they grow, and eventually they’re the ones that outgrow you ! I thought I was abandoned. Friends that I thought I could lean on, I realized quickly, they were not my friends. Friends I had for years were now acquaintances. I was alone. But in those moments, I found me. I had the tough conversations about my own toxic, negative behavior, and in those moments I became a better version of myself. And now I’ve met me again. I’ve been able to meet people,and let my own guard down, who really do care about little ole me. I’ve rekindled friendships that I hindered, some hindered me. But all-in-all, I’m grateful.

4. The power of no. I give great advice. Like really good, but I don’t always listen to my own, but I do give it. I had to learn to say no. This year I felt so drained, until I started saying no. I really do think it means something when someone calls when they could of called anybody. But in the same breath, can you call them? Because of that little revelation I’ll tell someone in a heartbeat now, HELL NO ! Lol but serious when I’m not in a good head space, I tell people I’m sorry, I can’t today, we’ll have to talk about it later. I’m not losing my own sanity so you can process through yours. I’m not caring the weight of your burdens so I can weigh my own self down. I can’t. I won’t. Stress literally triggers so many physical responses that I literally started dealing with my anxiety again. Like can’t breath, gotta take a walk or a drive because I’m so overwhelmed, overstimulated. So I learned to say no. The attitudes will catch you off guard initially, but the freedom of ‘no’ goes a long way. My phone LIVES on DND 🤧 because I’m allowed to be selfish with my time. I’m allowed to not want to hear bad news. My spirit feels lighter. My mind stop racing, I was able to rest, all because I learned the power of no. I’m grateful.

5. Silence is golden. My mother used to tell me all the time that just because something needs to be said doesn’t mean you have to be the spokesperson. Earlier in the year I defended someone who I truly do care about. Ch...I got called everything but a child of God after I did it lol. It doesn’t matter what was actually said, because of my personality anything I say or do is always dragged to the 10th degree. So by the time I read through texts and phone calls, I was, yet again, the wrong one. But the situation taught me that because people already have so many preconceived notions about who and what we are anyway, why waste my time, energy and breath. Learning to silence myself and let things be what they’ll be has truly been a journey. I internalize a lot. Like a lot. I genuinely like to be liked by people. But this year I learned those committed to misunderstanding you will always do just that. I may do some off the wall stuff but my heart is pure. I’ve helped people who have slandered my name and I never told a soul what they did to me, and never will. As sure as I’m writing this blog, it’ll come out. It always does. But I what I have to learn to do is not allow someone to pull that type of behavior out of me. I even started going back to therapy because of it. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m grateful.

6. It’s okay to be mad, just don’t stay mad. I’ve spent so much of my life bitter. Truth is I wasn’t over so many of the things that were done to me and instead of telling someone I let it turn me bitter. I was angry. I was hurting. I saw so many of my peers have people to lean on and mentor them through the processes and then there was me....I hated it. I still felt like a 6 year old little girl some days. As a child, I was talked about like I was grown. So once I got older, I learned to snap back 10x harder to ensure the disrespect would never occur again. You hurt my feelings? Cool, I’ll demolish yours. 🤷🏽‍♀️ But at 28 who tf wants to live like that? I wasn’t raised like that. It was draining. Then people looked at me to be the bitter one. You know the “jokes” they tell but in all actuality it’s the shade they don’t want to say flat out. It was my narrative. I was sick of it. Letting that fester....it ate at me. I had to give it to God. I always desired to be like everybody else until God touched my heart. It’s a process, but I’m better ! He’s healing me. Working on me. Allowing me the unique opportunity to grow through my own issues has allowed me to give grace to others for theirs. I’m grateful.

7. I’m sorry. I’m ending the blog with 7 points because this one is the most important. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own mistakes. Having the courage to embrace my own shortcomings. I apologize to those I ridiculed, betrayed, lied to, beat up 🥴, humiliated, embarrassed and disrespected. I know this doesn’t excuse the offense, but from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. In my own disappointments and insecurities I took it out on you, and that you didn’t deserve. Learning to swallow your own pride makes room for the blessings you let pass you by, because your heart wasn’t in the right place. My heart is healing and I literally squirm thinking about some of my past behaviors. At the time, I meant every bit of it, because I was operating from a hurt place. I never gave myself an apology for the person I was trying to survive. I’m trying. Learning to not allow what happened to me, consume me. Forgiving myself for every mistake. Owning who I am and who I am called to be. I don’t want to turn 40 and then start living life 😕 I want to do it now. But I couldn’t get to it because I was my own stumbling block. God has a funny way of humbling you, but what he will do is just that, humble you ! And because of that humility, I can now let some light in I know how wrong I was, but the glory is...it’s a process...but I’m grateful.

I made sure to end every point with ‘I’m grateful’ because I truly am grateful. I’m grateful for it all. The good. The bad. The ugly. I’m grateful. Why? Because I’m still here, so that means it didn’t kill me. It could of, but it didn’t ! This year, this decade....taught me so much. My goodness my 20s taught me some things okay lol but I thank God for the grace He gave me to try to get it right. I’m ready for Scene 29 and I am beyond ready to see what 2020 has to offer ! I deserve it ! Be grateful !