#my anxiety hit and i've been having problems with this chapter

[thedeliverygod]

So there were a few things I wish would have gone differently towards the end of Noragami, but I realize Adachitoka has been fighting health problems in order to finish off everything to a reasonable stopping point so I can't complain too much.

Still, being the endless yatori simp that I am, I wanted to write something a little more romance heavy. I've been working on this bit by bit since the final chapter came out through a lot of mental health issues so I apologize if there's any errors I didn't catch.

It goes without saying that this chapter includes spoilers from the last arc/final chapters of the Noragami manga, so read at your own risk with that in mind!

read on AO3

A Reason

Hiyori awoke in a dimly lit room surrounded by curtains; clearly a hospital, but unfamiliar. ‘Where am I?’ She wondered before she noticed a wetness on her cheek, ‘Is that mine…?’

She reached up to touch her face before she realized she was wearing an oxygen mask. ‘What happened?’ As she started to try to recollect what had made her end up in the hospital, her lips started to let out a sound, “Ya…?”

Hiyori furrowed her brows. What was she going to say?

As she sat up, she felt a vague emptiness take over her. Like something or someone was missing, but she couldn’t place it. Her body ached in pain, but somehow this hurt worse.

She slipped the oxygen mask and slid carefully out of the hospital bed to not yank the IV from her hand. Moving aside the curtain, she noticed a large window and automatically moved towards it. ‘Let’s try to find out where I am first.’ She tried to soothe herself, the anxiety building as feelings of confusion continued to build and whirl around in her mind.

The snow outside was half as tall as she was; this was definitely not Tokyo. She had to be somewhere much farther north.

As she stared at the falling snow in awe and wonder, she thought, ‘It looks like sakura petals…’ Suddenly, that empty feeling welled up in her again and tears begin to fill her eyes. She reached up and put her hand against the window, the cold of the outside seeping through the glass. ‘I…I came here looking for someone.’ It was fuzzy, but she knew that statement was a fact. It explained this feeling that she had deep in her chest of loss.

‘Remember, self, remember…’ She squeezed her eyes shut in frustration and pressed harder against the window. Logically, she knew she couldn’t exactly will herself out of amnesia, but she felt whatever was missing was literally on the tip of her tongue. After all, she’d nearly said something right when she woke up.

With her eyes closed, her nose honed in on a sweet scent that seemingly came out of nowhere. As it filled her nostrils, she immediately felt her muscles relax. ‘This scent… it smells so good.’ She inhaled, slowly. ‘It’s… my favorite smell.’

The past year and a half hit her all at once and she nearly fell over. Her throat growing tight, she came to a realization.

‘Yato.’

She still wasn’t clear on what had happened since she had joined up with Nora to find him, that part was still hazy, but she could tell by his scent that he was here. In this hospital. In fact, only a few feet away at most.

She turned around, noting a doctor at the nearby desk and a nurse walking in the opposite direction. But no sign of Yato.

She moved back towards her hospital bed, closing the curtain behind her. She inhaled again as she noted no sign of him still.

‘He’s right here somewhere; his scent is so strong.’ She carefully tiptoed out of the other side of the curtain around her bed and noticed the curtain was pulled partially around the bed next to hers. Looking at the bottom of the curtain, sure enough, she noticed his unmistakable boots.

Inhaling again, this time to prepare herself, she stepped into the curtain and carefully yanked him towards him back into her space by his arm.

He practically let out a scream as she grabbed him and she forced a laugh, “You’re not very good at hiding, you know.”

“Hi—” He started to say her name, dumbfounded, before he cut himself off. His eyes were wide in shock and it wasn’t long until a tear slipped down his face.

“Hi, Yato.” She smiled brightly through her own tears, letting go of her harsher grasp on his wrist to reach up and gently pat his forearm, “I’m so happy to see you.”

“How… how…” He sputtered as the tears grew in number, not able to form a sentence.

 She let go of him and sat back onto the hospital bed, once again being careful of her IV line as she admitted, “I came looking for you, of course. I don’t really know how I ended up here, though. Was it you?”

Yato’s face darkened, answering quietly, “Yes.”

“…Why do you look upset about helping me?” She furrowed her brow in confusion.

“It’s my fault you’re here. And I tried to fix it, but… I don’t know what happened.” He answered in a mutter, not meeting her eyes.

She shook her head, “I know you’d never hurt me; I’m sure it was your father, and that’s not your fault. By the way, is he…?” She trailed off, not sure what to say.

“He’s taken care of.” He answered automatically, almost emotionlessly. His voice heavy again, he continued, “But it is my fault. You should have never been involved with any of this. I should have listened to Tenjin. I should have listened to you; the very first wish you made to me was to return to normal.”

Hiyori’s shoulders fell at his rebuttal, “Yeah, but that involved cutting our ties, and we decided that wasn’t for the best.”

“You decided, because you didn’t know any better. And I eagerly followed along because I was selfish.” Yato retorted harshly, still staring down at the floor.

Feeling a bit of anger rise in her, she demanded, “Yato, what is this about? Why are you being like this?”

“Hiyori.” He finally looked up and she realized that unlike her tears of relief and joy of reuniting with him, his were of pain. He swallowed and tried to speak with a stronger voice, “Hiyori, you died.”

“I… What?” Her breath caught in her chest.

She could remember everything seeming to shift unnaturally around her. And she remembered seeing Yato, but he looked as he did as a child. After that, nothing.

“My dad; he tore your cord. You died, and it was my fault. I named you, even, to keep you from my dad. And you saved us, just like you always do.” He reached up to wipe at his eyes forcefully with the back of his hand, “Yukine found your body and I did what I could to bring you back. But nothing would work. So I did the one thing I had always refused before; I cut our ties. And it worked. So I promised myself that I wouldn’t expose you to the far shore again. But you… how do you remember?” He looked over her, exasperated.

Her eyes widened in horror and her heart dropped down into her stomach as she processed what he had said. Ignoring his question, she asked her own, “I thought I was your lifeline? You cut our ties…?”

He shook his head and let out a bit of a scoff at her reaction, “Hiyori, that doesn’t matter. When you were dead—I was already disappearing. I figured it was too late for me either way—but you. You have so much more life to live. And that’s what you need to do.”  He started to turn away, “I guess it was my fault you remembered since I came back to check in on you. I should have stayed away and kept things the way they’re supposed to be.”

“The way they’re supposed to be?” Hiyori repeated incredulously, letting out a half laugh, “Yato, for as long as I’ve known you I’ve heard other others say how cutting ties is one of your specialties. If you cut our ties and I still remember, I think that is the proof that this is the way things are supposed to be. And if—if you named me, then you know… Our emas were tied together. We’re soulmates.” She swallowed, her voice trembling, “And that I’m in love with you.”

Yato clenched his eyes shut and he seemed to fold into himself. “Hiyori, I’m sorry. I can’t.” With that, he was gone.

It was a struggle, trying to keep him in her memories. And he certainly went out of his way to make it even harder.

When she finally returned home, she found that his shrine was gone. Her journal and photographs as well; anything that held an obvious tie to him and Yukine or any other members of the far shore. Thankfully somethings that were more vague he had spared, such as some souvenirs from their trip to Capypa Land.

She clung to those as her own lifelines and started a fresh journal, writing down the most important points and making daily reminders for herself to not let him slip from her memories. Now it was programmed into her that whenever she got that cold empty feeling, all she had to do was flip through her journal and everything would come back into place.

It’d been months since they’d last seen each other in the hospital, but she wasn’t giving up. Needing some fresh air, she went to go sit on the porch and relished the warmth from the late spring day.

Looking over the pond and appreciating the various flowers blooming, she noted something looked different. Or maybe just felt different.

“…Nora?” She tried out, quietly.

The water was still and all she heard in response was the chirps of birds in another part of the yard.

‘Of course, she hates that name.’ She reminded herself.

“Hiiro, are you there?” Hiyori tried again, and this time, the water stirred.

The small girl appeared in a flash next to the pond, donning a beautiful navy-blue kimono. Shyly, she answered, “That’s not my name anymore, you know.”

She smiled widely and leaned forward in interest, “What is it? And who named you?”

The younger girl pushed a bit of dirt around with her sandal, “…Aiko. By Kofuku, but she let me pick it.”

“It’s so perfect.” Hiyori wiped away a tear at the corner of her eye, “So Kofuku-san is the one who named you, huh? How do you like living there?”

Aiko smiled softly, “It’s a lot of fun.” Getting a more serious look on her face and brushing off her kimono, she asked, “Hiyori, how do you remember me?”

“A lot of effort,” She admitted before slipping her sandals on to walk out to where Aiko was by the pond, “Did you know about Yato taking my stuff? He’s such a pain.”

She nodded sheepishly, “Actually… What you wrote about me… That’s what helped me pick my name.”

“That makes me so happy.” She beamed and met her eyes, “I meant every word of it, Aiko-chan.”

“I know.” The younger girl returned the smile and they shared a few small giggles.

Smoothing out the hem of her shirt awkwardly, Hiyori shifted the conversation, “So, speaking of Yato… Is he back at Kofuku-san’s too?”

Aiko nodded again, “He avoided it for a while in case you went looking for him, but yes. He and Yukine are staying there again.”

“Perfect.” Hiyori grinned and cracked her knuckles in anticipation.

“…What exactly are you planning to do?” Aiko gave her a look of confusion.

“I just want to make him listen to me and not run off like he did at the hospital.” She answered with a huff of annoyance. Looking back to Aiko, she put her hands in a pleading motion, “So please don’t tell him I saw you today, okay? I assume he asked you to check in on me…”

“Naturally.” She answered automatically, “But, even if he asked, I was happy to get to see you again. I’m sorry I was so resistant at first, but… you did teach me a lot of things. So, thank you.” She gave a small bow.

Hiyori shook her head, “I’m so happy to see you again, too, Aiko. Once I get through Yato’s thick skull, hopefully we’ll see each other more often.”

She smiled at that, “I look forward to it.”

And so exactly a week later, Hiyori made her way to Kofuku’s house unannounced. She had debated letting the pink haired god know about her plans, but she figured there was a chance of her accidentally letting things slip and having Yato evade her again was something she couldn’t risk.

Luckily, Aiko was the one to answer the door. “I was wondering when you’d show up.” She greeted quietly.

“Had to keep the element of surprise.” Hiyori smiled back.

“He and Yukine are upstairs. I’m going to go back to doing the dishes for now.” She gave a small wave and Hiyori nodded.

She knew she’d never hear the end of it otherwise, so she tiptoed into the living room. Kofuku was busy flipping through a magazine but Daikoku had immediately noticed her.

His mouth agape, he called out in surprise, “Hiyori-chan…”

Kofuku’s head snapped up and her eyes welled with tears, “Hiyorin!” Within seconds, the god had clung onto Hiyori with loud wails.

“Shhh.” Hiyori put a finger up to her lips, “I’m happy to see you too, Kofuku-san, Daikoku-san. But Yato doesn’t know I’m here.”

“He said he had cut your ties…” Daikoku stuttered as he tried to get the sentence out, still in disbelief.

She gave a small but frustrated smile, admitting, “He tried to. And then when I remembered him, he tried to avoid me so that I’d forget again. So that’s why I’m here.”

Still teary eyed, Kofuku looked up at her from where she clung to her waist, “Yato-chan was just trying to do what he thought was best…”

“I know.” She closed her eyes and nodded, “But he was wrong. And I’m going to make him see that.” Looking back down to Kofuku, she asked, “Can you help me surprise him and Yukine-kun?”

At this, the god perked up and finally let go. Nodding excitedly, she agreed, “Let’s go!”

While Kofuku loudly clambered up the stairs, Hiyori made sure to step quietly behind her.

With a few taps on the door, she called out, “Yato-chan, Yukki~ I’ve got something for you.”

“Dessert?” Yato questioned in a confused but interested tone.

“Sure, sure!” Kofuku chirped back.

Hiyori heard some shuffling between the two boys before she heard Yukine comment, “I’ll get it.”

As the door started to open, Kofuku nudged Hiyori forward and moved behind her.

Yukine’s curious eyes quickly switched into one of being overwhelmed by emotions. His hand dropped and the door slowly fell open as he called out, “Hiyori!”

She wrapped him into her arms as he began sniffling, hugging him tightly, “I’ve missed you, Yukine-kun.”

He weakly hugged her back through his falling tears.

As she looked up, she saw Yato; frozen in shock. As he made the slightest movement, she sternly warned, “You better not be trying to go anywhere, Yato.”

Yukine pulled away and looked at the god in a mix of confusion of annoyance, “You knew that she remembered us?”

Yato opened his mouth, trying to think of an answer, before he bit down on his lip and looked away.

“Yukki, let’s give them some time to talk. Okay?” Kofuku gently guided him towards the door, “Hiyori won’t leave without telling us, right?” She reassured him before looking over to the other girl.

Hiyori gave a soft smile, “Of course not. I’ll talk to you more in a little while, Yukine-kun. I promise.”

His shoulders relaxed and he put on a small smile as he nodded, “Okay.” With that, he and Kofuku exited the room and closed the door behind them.

In an exasperated tone, Yato looked up at Hiyori from under his bangs, “What do you want from me, Hiyori?”

“To listen to me.” She answered, putting her hands on her hips and moving a few steps closer to him. “You need to stop deciding what’s good for me or for anyone else without talking to us. I don’t know if Yukine-kun talked to you about it or not, but you deciding to go off on your own was infuriating back then too.”

She knelt in front of him, wording her thoughts carefully though she was sure Daikoku was out of earshot, “And you know better than anyone now exactly the way that I feel whenever I forget you, Yukine-kun and everyone else tied to the far shore. I felt it back when you were in yomi and when I woke up at the hospital. It’s miserable, Yato; to know something so important to you is missing and yet not be able to place it.”

He remained silent as he bit his lip before mumbling a counter, “Maybe if you just gave it time…”

“I don’t want to give it time.” She fired back, “I want to be happy. I want my life to be whole. And that’s not possible without you in it.”

His eyes met hers for a moment before he looked back down at his lap.

“Look, after everything that happened… I don’t remember much, but I can see it really hurt you. If you don’t want to be as close as before, I get it. Emas tied or not, it’s your choice. But don’t cut me out completely. That’s all I’m asking, okay?” Her voice cracked as she finished, the anger and annoyance ebbing away into vulnerability.

He looked up at her with wide eyes as she continued.

“Honestly, I don’t think I can even leave my body anymore if that makes you feel any better. I won’t be taking on ayakashi or anything else dangerous. I just… want to be with you.” Hiyori fell forward onto her hands as all her energy started to fade from letting out everything she’d been holding in for the past few months.

She felt herself being pulled against his chest, his voice quiet, “The problem is I’d want to be even closer. And that’s what I’m scared of.” He hid his face against her shoulder, “I can’t lose you like that again.”

“That’s what I’m asking for—is not to lose you.” She gripped on to his jacket blindly as her eyes started to fill with tears, looking up towards the ceiling, “Like I said back in the hospital: for you to cut our ties and for me to still remember… That had to have happened for a reason. So, please…”

“Well it’s hard to say no when you put it like that.” He answered matter-of-factly, his voice slightly muffled by her blouse.

Hiyori smiled to herself and shook her head, her chin moving against his shoulder, “Sorry. You know I don’t really back down without putting up a fight.”

Yato sighed loudly, “Yeah, I’m aware.”

Letting a moment of silence pass over them, she questioned in a whisper, “So what’s your answer?”

He turned his head and she felt a jolt move through her body as she felt his lips at her neck. “Well, to reply to something you said before… I’m in love with you too. Have been for a while. Which is what made all of this so complicated. Maybe you figured that out already.” He continued talking near her ear, unmoving.

Swallowing nervously, she shook her head again, “No, I wasn’t sure. Not until you just said it.”

Yato gave a bit of a sarcastic laugh, “Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t remember…”

“Remember what?” Her hands let go of his jacket and she started to pull away, wanting to look him in the eyes.

“I’d been doing CPR on you for a while and it wasn’t really working.” He explained, his eyes on the floor but slowly meeting hers as he finished, “So I just kind of tried anything I could think of and kissed you? Thinking maybe I could like… give you whatever sort of energy I had. I don’t know. I was desperate, okay?” Seeing her start to flush deeply, he continued defensively, “And to be fair, it worked! You started breathing again not long after that.”

Hiyori reached up to hide her face for a moment before peeking out over the tips of her fingers, “I can’t decide if that’s romantic or creepy.”

His jaw hung open in disbelief before he answered loudly, “It’s romantic! Definitely romantic. Anyway, what happened so hard to trying to sway me to make up my mind? I haven’t officially given an answer yet.”

She ignored his outburst, asking quietly, “Do you want to try that again? You know, now that I’m conscious.”

Yato was ready to fire back another retort but quickly backed down, stuttering, “T-try again?”

“This.” She touched the side of his face gently, her eyelids lowering and her mouth parting.

He hummed an affirmative as he mirrored her, quickly gathering her into his arms again and pulling her closer as he melted into her. Finally, he affirmed in a warm mumble against her, “I’m not going anywhere, Hiyori.”

“Thank you.” She answered back, a few tears of happiness sprinkling past her eyelashes.

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 9

(Gif by @ banditthewriter)

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: With the deployment heading towards the finish line you and Billy both face the anxiety that comes with a new relationship. [Cursing, mentions of sexual themes]

"Ria? Can I admit something?" You spoke quietly keeping your eyes glued to the cup of coffee in front of you. It was a rare morning that you had off and she had free. The kids were at school so that left you and her time to talk without little ears around to hear everything.

"You know you can Y/N" she replied eyeing you carefully as you sat your cup down then finally met her eyes "I'm nervous about when Billy gets back stateside" just saying the words felt like a weight off your shoulders. By then she'd sat her cup down and was staring at you like you'd grown a second head "and why is that?" You felt heat work it's way up your neck while you squirmed under her intense gaze. You didn't know why the thought of sex with Billy made you blush. Hell you by far wasn't a virgin and neither was he. A part of you wondered if maybe it was the fear that you weren't exactly the type of woman you'd seen him take home in the past. You were pretty much the polar opposite.

Maria knew you well enough that you didn't have to give voice to your worries. Your face told her everything she needed to know. "Oh. You still don't get the fact that he's crazy about you. I know you've had your fair share of problems with some of your exes. Hell I've talked Frank out of killing a few but and I say this as the woman who was raised with you at my heel Billy truly does care about you. You're closer with him than I've ever seen you be with a man. He's wanted you for a while he just didn't want you or me and Frank thinking he was just after sex. If you're worried about him wanting to go straight to that I wouldn't because he's more than likely going to wait until you make the first move"

"That's the problem. He flirts like crazy when we talk or video chat but I'm worried when he gets back he'll want me to make the first move and dammit he's a lot better at making moves than I am" you knew you were rambling but with Maria she was more than used to it. A smile slipped on her face "Oh you're asking the old married lady about how to seduce your marine"

A laugh of relief slipped through your lips. You didn't know why you'd been so nervous about talking to her of all people. Hell she was who you'd went to when you lost your virginity. "Pretty much" you admitted and she laughed "Well option one is to go shopping and get a sexy outfit then plan a whole night once he's home" you nodded but also knew Billy wanted to plan your first date "option two?" You asked and she raised an eyebrow with her mischievous grin "Option two is we still go shopping but considering Billy's seen you partially naked that time at the cabin we hit the lingerie store. Get something you feel and look amazing in then send him a photo or two. Reminds him what he's coming home to and gives him a green light already that you got that outfit for him and him only"

"I like option two" you finally said with a smile. She grabbed your coffee mug and replied "In that case we need to get to the mall"

"Frankie man I'm telling you. I got to think of something good for our first date. Y/N deserves it" Billy was propped up on one arm leaned back across his cot. He glanced over at the photo of you and the kids he kept next to it. He didn't have a lot of personal items but since the two of you had decided to make a go of things when he got home you'd sent some photos and he made sure to keep them all close. The only one he'd put visible to anyone else had Lisa and Frank Jr in it.

"Keep it simple Bill. She's been a part of your life for this long you know her. She doesn't have expensive taste. She'd much rather something she knew you actually put thought into" Frank replied sitting up when Michaels walked in with a stack of mail "Castle, Russo. Mail"

He plopped a few envelopes down at Frank's feet and one at Billy's. Frank grabbed up his first envelope so Billy picked up the one from you feeling a smile slip onto his face just from seeing your handwriting. He tore it open and saw there were photos enclosed again but this time they were wrapped up in a sheet of paper that read "Only for your eyes" he sat them next to him and read over the letter.

You told him about work, Maria and the kids, how you had been getting together with Curtis at least once a week just to check in. You also told him how much you missed him and how you couldn't wait until he got home so he could make good on all the promises he'd made over the countless video chats and calls between the two of you since you'd decided to become official.

His smile had turned into a full blown grin by the time he got to the end of the letter where you had signed "Stay safe and make it home to me"

"Well looks like you liked whatever Y/N had to say" Frank spoke glancing up from his own letter to see Billy grinning like an idiot.

"Yeah" was the short answer he got before Billy turned his attention to whatever photos you'd deemed for his eyes only. He unfolded the paper and his jaw dropped at the very first photo. It was you in a black lingerie set. The bra and panties were mostly lace showing just enough to be extremely fucking sexy but still classy enough to suit you.  "Jesus" he breathed under his breath flipping to the next one that showed a different angle that made him have to take a deep breath and remind himself he still had weeks before he would get to see you in person. 

On the back of the second photo you'd written "I hope you like this set. I bought it to wear for you when you get home" he was still staring at it lost in just how absolutely gorgeous you were. It was still hard for him to believe you'd really decided to give him a chance.

He didn't realize Stevenson's ass had walked up close enough to see the photos over his shoulder until he let out a low whistle "Damn Russo who the hell is that?"

"Back off" Billy warned once moving to store the photos in his jacket pocket so whenever he'd be moving out they would be with him but of course Stevenson couldn't let it go. "C'mon man who's the girl? Little thick for my taste but bet she's hell in the sack ain't she?"  "Man I'm telling you shut the fuck up" Frank spoke up getting to his feet because he knew what was coming next.

Billy tried to ignore Stevenson, he really did but when he said "Bet some Jody is enjoying the hell out of her" that was the breaking point. Billy had him down and had already drawn blood before Frank could attempt to drag him off. "Bill let him up man you're gonna kill him!"

Stevenson scrambled to his feet holding his bloodied nose "Jesus Christ I was just fucking with you!" Billy lunged for him again so Frank gave Stevenson a look "You went too far and got your ass handed to you. Now get the hell out this tent and let him cool down. That's an order"

---------------------

Frank even gave Billy some breathing room. He'd never seen him react like that. Hell he'd fucked with guys about their girls before too.

After about half an hour he walked over and kicked Billy's boot to get his attention. "I know I lost my temper Frankie" was all he said which honestly made Frank laugh "Kid got a broke nose. He'll fucking live. You on the other hand need to get your ass up and go call Y/N. I can see those wheels turning in your head and it's gonna bug ya"

Billy nodded slowly. Frank was right he was thinking about what Stevenson had said and that wasn't fair to you but he needed to hear your voice. A fucking deployment had never felt so long as this one and he knew it was the fact that he knew you were waiting on him and as more than a best friend this time.

He stood to call you then remembered the time difference "It's two in the morning there" Frank shook his head "she's answered you at three in the morning and that was before all this. She'll answer"

----------------------

You heard the phone ringing through a fog of sleep and glanced at the time. It was a little after two in the morning. Your thoughts immediately went to either something being wrong with Maria and the kids or Curtis. You fumbled for the phone before finally finding it in the dark and seeing Billy's name flash across the screen.

You answered as you pushed yourself up to a sitting position in the bed "Hey Billy. I didn't know if you'd have a chance to call me" you knew he could hear the sleep in your voice so you rubbed at your eyes in an attempt to wake up enough. "I just needed to hear your voice sweetheart" your stomach dropped a little at how he sounded. Your letter should've gotten to him by then but if it had he apparently hadn't liked it.

"I'm glad you called I miss you" you bit your lip nervously until he let out a long breath then said "You have no idea how much I miss you. I got your letter" you swallowed hard before working up the nerve to say "Did you like it?" "Oh I loved it" he replied but you knew him well enough to hear in his voice that something was off. "Billy talk to me. I know you, remember?"

After a pause he finally admitted "One of the guys might have seen a bit of one of your pictures and said some shit that got next to me" your mind immediately went to the fact that maybe they'd pointed out you weren't his usual type. Hell maybe he'd finally figured it out. "What did they say?" You asked once you'd braced yourself for whatever reply may come.

"That some Jody was enjoying you" you bit back a laugh at that. For one you had been around them long enough to know just what a Jody was and that idea was ridiculous to you then for two you knew for a fact Billy had joked around that harshly with some of the guys in the past.

"Billy did you hurt him?" You questioned worried simply that you sending the photos had somehow resulted in Billy getting in trouble. "I broke his nose. He'll fucking live. Hell may help his looks considering"

"Billy I'm asking this as your long time friend more than as your girlfriend. Haven't you said some stuff along that line in the past?" Another long pause happened before he said "Yeah and believe me I regret it now. He just had no right saying shit about you and it made me see red a little" you were smiling wide enough you were afraid it may end up hurting your cheeks "Thank you for defending my honor baby"

It wasn't until Billy said "Baby huh?" That you realized you had called him that. "Shit Billy I'm sorry it slipped out" he chuckled at your apology "No I like it. God I can't wait to get home and take you on an actual date. Well and to see you wear that black set" "betting on getting lucky Russo?" You teased and could practically hear the smirk in his voice "I've waited this long thinking about it. Waiting a bit once I get home so I can wine and dine you properly won't kill me"

"And if I don't want to wait that long once you're home? What would you think about me?" You asked and he laughed in that way that always made you feel warmth down to the pit of your stomach. God it you could wrap yourself up in his laugh. "I would think that I'm the luckiest man alive. However you want this to go once I'm back is how it's gonna go. I'm taking your lead"

"Nice to know" you replied not trying to hide how happy his response had made you. You heard Frank say "Tell Y/N I said hey then finish up man" before Billy could relay the message you said "Tell him I said hey. I'll talk to you later Billy. We're on the down slope now at least" "Can't come fast enough. I'll let you get back to sleep sweetheart. Goodnight" "Bye Billy"

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

[flightfoot]

As an author's comment, I agree that bookmarks are the best way to judge a fic.

I honestly don't understand the use of hits, I don't think they are indicative of anything. I once saw someone say that they judge 10 hits per kudo and I'm pretty sure that the hit is registered every time you enter the fic even if you don't get to the end and it counts rereads and other chapters. (As anxiety-inducing as the ff.net stats were, I think they were more reliable because they allowed you to see individual fics and by chapter)

I think kudos are a better way to judge whether the fic is being read and that at least people have made it to the end. Plus, it's a nice way to lift your spirits and motivate Authors. There are times when I remember an unfinished fic because someone left a kudo after a long time and suddenly inspiration comes to me. It's also a nice thing to wake up to when I see that email.

The comments... Well, I think we all know what has been happening with the comments. But apart from the general speech (please leave a comment, the authors really appreciate it and it is a motivator x100) It is also actually a gauge of popularity not quality.

I don't know if you've ventured to review but it's always been more likely that things like saltfics [(no offense to the authors because all work takes time and you put love into it) with quick plots encoded by clichés (clichés are not bad and once again it is a work that someone put love into) intended to provoke strong, rapid and intense emotions] have a higher number of comments than fics with other types of premieres.

In addition to other types of factors such as popularity of the author, popularity of the couple (there is a tendency that shipfics are more popular than genfics) and typical plots of the fandom.

The bookmarkers, as you say, indicate that the person wants to find a fic again and it is also a way to recommend fics. I have entered an author's profile and after reading their other works I go to the bookmarks because it is very likely that something that this author liked I will also like.

So actually 'how many people want to find it again' is a pretty good way to judge a fic. My only criticism, for people who leave comments on the fic in bookmarks... Please consider leaving a comment as well. It feels a little bittersweet the times I check my bookmarks and see wow they liked it enough to bookmark it and when I see there's even a review or a 're-read' 'I love this'.

Some bookmarks are very personal (there was a fandom where a witch hunt took place and dozens of authors deleted their fics so many started to bookmark with the name of the work and the author to find out what was lost) or one I saw that gave a star rating for the level of work (which would be unpleasant for someone to read in a comment), but the others? You would make an author happy for a week if you told him you loved his work and would reread it.

Regarding your comment that you can't check series bookmarks... I don't think that's necessary. I've seen many who mark a series but I've also seen that sometimes the works in the series have a VERY uneven number of bookmarkers. If you find a work that is part of a series and is, say, the third, you will still have to go to the beginning if it is a continuity series and not a thematic series. It's no different than when you search for fics by update date.

Yeah as many problems as FFN's stats had, I did like how you could check the hits for each chapter, it told you how many people kept on reading, and which chapters people liked to reread.

I do notice that in fandoms, there tend to be certain stock fic types that are more popular and will get more attention than other fic types of similar quality. For Miraculous, that tends to be saltfics and Lovesquare fics, especially old Marichat fics. Kudos and Bookmarks numbers are more useful for finding the BEST fics in a fandom when there's a relatively small amount of fics, like under 5000, since it's more feasible for fans to keep up with all the fics for that fandom when there's a smaller amount of them.

And yeah, sorting by comments is a terrible way to find great fics. That biases towards fics with high chapter counts rather than actual quality. Same thing for number of hits.

I don't know if you've ventured to review

...okay, clearly you haven't gone to the comment sections much for Miraculous fics. Yes, I promise you, I've ventured to review XD

[staceymcgillicuddy]

Sunday Summary

Forgot to do one of these last week, but I had family in town, and I've mostly just been editing. So, two for the price of one!

(In other news, a friend had a two-handed heavy flogger out last night and I let him hit me with it to see what it felt like and now I'll never have back problems again.)

🦉 Hellcheer Halloween - 1,372

This one is my midwest gothic take on the succubus/Lilith mythology, and it's shorter than I thought it would be but I'm happy-ish with how it turned out. I'm posting it on Halloween instead of the final Kinktober prompt, so I'm still technically completing Kinktober, just with a second story. Still need to edit, but that's next week's problem!

🚛 to get my soul known again - 1,026

All edits on chapter 31, which is posting tomorrow. My commitment for early November is to finish writing this so I can stop having anxiety about the fact that I haven't technically finished the last few chapters. I don't want it to end! (Do I have ideas for 3-4 one-shots in that universe that I may or may not write eventually? Yes, I do.)

😈 kinktober - 1,753

All edits, all the time. A few more "this better not awaken anything in me" moments, especially day 30, which may have awakened something in ME.

📚 college/townie - 1,103

Done with edits on this bad boy! Posting it next Friday for Hellcheer Week's "What-If" slot. Chapter one is over 10k, and I get the sense this is going to be one of those "long chapters, infrequent but satisfying" fics. I really love this version of them, though. Eddie's dad didn't go to prison, so he's had Al's influence in his life way more than Wayne, while Chrissy has had some... as-yet-unknown issues. I think the title is going to be a dorky D&D pun but I haven't 100% decided yet.

Grand Total = 5254

That checks out, considering almost all I've been doing is editing. I've probably cut as much from each fic as I added to it, but I only count my gainzzzzz. Looking forward to getting back to writing, though!

[gretakatharinaa]

life in your 20s - about drinks and decisions

Now that my exams are coming closer and I spend every day of the week either working or studying and my only outlet is to work out or writing (which is not going well), I thought I should write about something that is all too familiar.

Life in the twenties. 

I’ve wrote this article before - three drafts and 2 cups of coffee later I was fed up and closed my laptop. I decided to come back to it.

I think the fact that it needed this fourth draft shows how life in your twenties is. 

When I asked around on how the 20s are, I mostly got answers like: confusing, depressing, challenging or just straight up filled with anxiety.

I also got answers like: exciting, vibrant, adventurous.

Obviously, every chapter in your life is filled with all sorts of emotions but I want to emphasize this "second puberty" you enter without even realizing it. 

When we were younger, we didn’t know what we were going to be but we dreamt about this grown up life, your own money and apartment.

-

We used to buy center shocks, now we’re out for dinner and drinks.

We used to dream about furnishing our first apartment, now we’re hit with the reality of furniture prices (why are carpets and mirrors SO expensive?!).

We used to beg our mom to buy cereal, now we sigh at the prices in the store.

We used to jump up and down when we got letters in the mail with our name on it, now we’re scared to open them because it’s either spam or another bill.

We used to have crushes but instead of being fifteen and goofy, we’re really in love but break up or don’t even try because you work too much, you study too much, you don’t want to settle etc.

From hand holding-relationships and first times to trust issues and situationships.

Or we commit to relationships, being scared that we should have spent more time being single and constantly questioning what could have been.

Somehow, you still have pimples and crushes but now it’s that - on top of responsibility and possibility and bills and existential crises.

Of course, life in your twenties is also liberating. I’ve realized that the choices are mine to make, I have to defend myself and my opinions less and I have opportunities - to work, to study, to travel, to eat chips for dinner.

I can buy silly little things with my money and spend my time however I intend to.

The problem is, in your twenties, you constantly need to make decisions. What job/major to pick, what hobby, what future, what to eat (THREE times a day, EVERY day - pisses me off) and some decisions are harder than others. 

You can’t always do what your heart desires, sometimes you cannot take that trip or get that job. Sometimes you can’t have that person, or rather, you shouldn’t. So you make a decision. And you live with it. 

It’s weird, I’m fine with the decisions I make but only because I made the sensible choice - not because I did what I want.

What makes everything so confusing, is that everybody tells you you can be anything. And you start to spiral, wanting to be everything and anything, changing opinions and paths and being driven by the fear of missing out. 

Everything is aesthetic or groundbreaking or inspiring or different or special and somewhere in between those adjectives are you - chasing or being chased?

I get it. 

The 20s are a grey area. It’s okay to be confused and have no idea about who you are. It’s also okay to have babies and marry (in whatever order you prefer). It’s okay to have a normal 9-5 job and not be a drop shipper or OF model making bag. - I've been getting a lot of feet related DMs lately.

It’s okay to have a weird love life or no love life at all. It’s okay to wait for the one. 

Not everyone understands you, not everyone will benefit your life. 

The point is - i think - to soak it all in. To surround yourself with people who understand you.

So whatever feeling the 20s give you - fear, excitement, pressure - it's meant to be felt and experienced.

And then, one day you'll be thirty and just when the existential crisis of your 20s has stopped, the 30 will do you dirty.

Kidding... I think.

My god, this is the FOURTH draft and I still hate it. I have a million things on my mind - Laundry, exams, dinner plans, when i have to be at the office tomorrow and most importantly: Why can't I finish this fucking article? 

I can’t just post this unfinished, sucky piece of ass and call it a day.

-Actually, I can. I’m a grown-up and this is my blog.

Happy 20s24. Get it? 20s. 

[chelseasdagger]

i'm not sure if you're a taylor swift fan or not but i was just scrolling my dash and someone asked the question of whether 'tolerate it' by her was matt or frank-coded. and i was thinking about it and it's giving... like if frank from your teacher series and reader had some angst, like they had some relationship problems like, 'i wait by the door like i'm just a kid' / 'you're so much older and wiser' / 'if it's all in my head tell me now, tell me i've got it wrong somehow' (bc reader seems to be like anxious (so me)). it all screams them if their relationship went wrong, ALSO 'i made you my temple, my mural, my sky' reader i feel like ADORES frank an insane amount and if that relationship ended badly?? god she would be SO HURT

anyway, i just had the thought in my head and needed to share <3 (sorry)

i just so happen to be a taylor swift fan and i need you to know that you NEVER have to apologize for coming to talk to me through here and ESPECIALLY never when it’s about my fics, i adore any and all feedback/ideas when it comes to my stories!!

i’ll also have you know that tolerate it is one of my FAVORITE songs she’s written but i can’t listen to it often because i cry every time. as someone who over analyzes and has so much emotion and knows deep down that i’ll never receive the same amount of love as i give out that song HITS so hard and i’m a big ball of mess when that song comes on but i never have the strength to stop it!!

but ruby i’m actually sitting here about to cry cause i cannot believe you took something so beautiful and related it to my silly little story 🥺 i adore that song and i feel like that would fit them SO well should something bad happen between them. those lyrics you pointed out in particular are a really good highlight to reader’s anxiety when it comes to the whole thing, something i wanted to still keep a thread of throughout the series because she’s supposed to be like me and be crazy anxious. i’m glad she’s relatable, but i also hate that you know the feeling

reader definitely has feelings for frank and this next chapter i’m only going to turn the dial up some more. i kinda expected her to fall hard and fast (like me) and then have her try to struggle with calming herself down, and beginning all the questions of if frank cares about her that way or not. i’ve wanted to do some angst in this story, cause i adore the feeling my heart gets when i read really great angst fics, but i just am such a crybaby i don’t wanna have my characters sad CKSKDKSK i hope i can sprinkle in some low-stakes angst that a few friends had recommended i try out to cause tension but not do too much harm

but oh my gosh, you have no idea how high of a compliment this is to me. i adore that song, i adore taylor’s writing and i want to be able to tell stories and phrase things like she does when i grow older :’) thank you SO so much for sharing, this has been the highlight of my week. i love you 🩵

[elvenbeard]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you so much for the tag and reminder @kharonion! :D Gonna tag @pinkyjulien @humberg @chevvy-yates @theviridianbunny cause I haven't been keeping up with tumblr much lately and would love to know what you're all doing atm if you wanna share 👀

As always, I got way too much stuff at once I'm doing, and apartment hunting is awful and really robbing me of my motivation, so I'm doing a lot of low-brain-effort stuff that calms my nerves at the moment really. Let's see...

VP Stuff

Currently working my way through my "Vince through the years series" :D Two posts out (2067, 2069), one drafted and still needs some text, the others are still a work in progress XD While 2067 was a bit about Vince's home life, 2069 about his transition and time in Kabuki, 2071 is gonna have a focus on Jackie 👀

I should have it ready in a few days :3

Art Stuff

I actually had a little drive to draw something lately :DD working a bit on the comic I teased the other week, slowly chipping away at the lineart, but really enjoying it so far, even though my process is slow!

First page lineart done (for now xD I might go back and fiddle more with it). I am... very tempted to paint the background, but I think I will for once settle for the easy approach and fill in my backgrounds with modified screenshots for this. Cause why tf not xD If professional manga artists can do it, so can I for my silly fancomic!

Writing Stuff

I started chapter 8 of Love is Stored in the Olive Jar and I know it's gonna be a difficult one cause I've really been building up to it and now I got the "you gotta deliver now!!" anxiety XD But I'm still looking forward to finally getting to Mr. B's solution for V's Sun-Ending problem 👀

“So, she got any final words of wisdom?” Kerry asked, fingers gently drumming on the steering wheel. They had swapped cars at home, and with what Rogue had just said now V wondered if it might not have been better after all to use Kerry’s Aerondight to get here… But then again, if shit hit the fan in some way, he didn’t want any unnecessary negative attention drawn to Kerry. “Not really,” V shook his head, “Nothin’ I didn’t think of already at least.” “Told ya so,” Kerry shrugged, pulling out his cigarettes and only paused when he noticed V’s stern stare. “Ah, fuck,” he mumbled and then got out of the car. They had not only swapped cars but changed clothes quickly while they were home. As he slipped from the driver’s seat, Kerry’s wide black bomber jacket rode up briefly, revealing the gun kept in the waistband of his cargopants. “You shouldn’t do that,” V said as he got out himself, “Posers in action films keep their gun in their pants. In the real world that’s gonna get you shot in the ass faster than you think.” V closed the passenger side door with his elbow, flinching slightly at the pain shooting through his shoulder and chest. He took a deep breath, adjusted his own gun holster worn snugly under his coat. “Fiiine,” Kerry sighed, lit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, and he put the gun into his jacket’s pockets. Not ideal still, but better. V smiled at him, and then slowly turned to look down the short, narrow side street they were parked in. They were close to the Santo Domingo district border, in the middle of the industrial area at the edges of the city. The location coordinates Mr. B had sent him lay not far ahead. A new, sleek white building, V guessed it around ten stories tall, rose at the center of what he remembered to be factory grounds formerly. It was far from imposing, a little bit lost on the large lot even, but it blended in well with the surrounding corpo complexes. The entire compound was fenced in, V spotted cameras and security turrets near the heavily secured entrance gate. No security staff though, not even mechs or drones, much to his surprise, at least not visibly out in the open.

Modding Stuff

I have a handful of things on the backburner... A very silly t-shirt (the replacer works already, but I wanna make it Archive XL!), band merch, and my custom hand holding poses... but with my anxiety-riddled brain wolvenkit is a bit too daunting at the moment, but I'm really looking forward to continuing all these projects :3

[havenmoon1369]

Not Again (Sequel to Getting Her Back)

- Chapter 2

Two weeks later: Omaha, Nebraska

Drew had been medically cleared and was debuting on Raw tonight after being on NXT for the majority of last year. Quinn was with him, after she had calmed down her and Drew had discussed her going back to school and having a nanny stay with her. He was going to enroll her at an alternative school where classes would be smaller and it would help her anxiety some, she probably had a better chance to make some new friends. Quinn was still a little nervous with her dad going back to work but knew it had to happen. "Where's my Goddaughter?" someone said loudly as they came through the locker room door, "Uncle Stephen!!!" Quinn jumped up from the chair and ran to him, "Ahh it's good to see ya darlin" Stephen said as he hugged her. "I've missed you uncle Stephen" she said, "I've missed you too, here let me look at ya! You've must have hit another growth spurt, you're getting taller every time I see ya. Where's your dad darlin?" he asked, "Oh he had to go down and find out what time his match is, I think he's going to be a bad guy on this brand" Quinn said. "Well that happens sometimes Quinn, I was a bad guy when I first got here, then I gradually turned good, then when I came back with my new look I was a bad guy. Don't worry though, I think your dad likes being the bad guy sometimes" Stephen said. "Yeah, why did you decide on a big mohawk and a new nose ring? Pretty big new look if you ask me." Quinn said with some attitude, "Mid life crisis?" Stephen said laughing. Drew returned to the locker room and saw Stephen right away and gave him a big hug, "How are you old friend?" Drew asked, "I'm doing just fine man, just catching up with my Goddaughter, how are you mate?" Stephen asked, "Doing okay, just getting ready for my match tonight, I'm fighting Bray Wyatt then I'm supposed to turn on him" Drew said, "Oh come on dad really? You're really gonna be a bad guy and turn on Bray Wyatt?" Quinn asked with that teenage attitude, "Yes sweetheart unfortunately that's how it has to be" Drew said smiling, "I don't like you being a bad guy dad, especially since I'm starting at a new school and trying to make new friends, I'll get so much heat" Quinn said. "Don't worry darlin, I'm only a bad guy in the ring, remember that" Drew said trying to assure her. Quinn just rolled her eyes and sat back down in the chair "You can't deny she's got your attitude Drew" Stephen said laughing while Drew glared at him. "Listen mate, what time is your match tonight?" Drew asked "Oh I'm on first thing, why do you ask?" "I was wondering if you could stay back here with Quinn while I go for my match?" Drew asked Stephen, "Sure mate no problem, everything okay though, usually Quinn is really independent" he asked confused. "Ahh you know, just first night back jitters, just want to make sure no one bothers her" Drew said trying to ease the tension, "Alright, whatever you say mate" Stephen said still skeptical.

While Drew was out in the ring, Stephen was in the locker room with Quinn just catching up with her. "So how's your summer been? Are you excited to start at a new school?" Stephen asked her, "My summer break has been fine; just gaming, eating, and sleeping. And no I'm not looking forward to the new school, dad's been letting me do online public school since we moved I don't get why I have to go in person" Quinn said. "Well darlin he probably wants you get that social interaction you need to make friends" Stephen said trying to reassure her "I don't want to go in person, my anxiety has been horrible since we left Florida, what happens if I have an anxiety attack in front of everyone, they'll make fun of me and I couldn't handle the embarrassment." she said with tears in her eyes. "Listen darlin, I bet your dad has researched this school a lot and saw it's the best option for you, they probably can help you through your anxiety if need be, and I bet there's other kids like you there, they won't make fun of you, you could probably make friends with someone just like you and make everything better. Just give it a chance okay?" Stephen said while still trying to reassure Quinn. Quinn just sighed and buried her face in her hands, she wanted to tell Stephen the real reason why she was having so much anxiety and why they left Florida so suddenly but she swore to her dad she would tell a soul, "Okay uncle Stephen, I'll give it a chance". "That a girl! Use that Scottish strength and bravery!" Stephen said, trying to lift her spirits.

Drew finished his match and returned back to the locker room after doing interviews, Quinn was watching Youtube on her IPad, "Alright Quinn, are you ready to go home for a few days?" Drew asked, "Yeah, what city is up next? she asked, "I believe we're going to Boise Idaho for a house show, go ahead and start gathering your stuff, we're leaving in 15 minutes." Drew said as he grabbed his phone to check the schedule, as he did he noticed yet another text from an unknown number. His heart started racing and he got a cold chill down his spine as he opened it. It was another picture of Quinn this time by their rental car, and the text read "You really think bringing her with you will keep her safe? You're wrong". 

[coralie-adams]

Life throws us all curve balls, hitting us either unexpectedly or expectedly, usually the first. The past 5 months myself and my family have been hit with so many curve balls I was beginning to lose hope (and still kind of am) that this year would be better than last year was. I still enjoy reading and writing and I'm so glad I could find that love again since I enjoyed it as a kid. With family emergencies that seem to have no happy ending, to my own physical and mental health declining, I've been experiencing way more stressful days than good days. The stress makes my physical health worse, which ends up messing with my mental health in a major way. I am like so many Americans who are on Antidepressants and Anxiety medications.

When it comes to my creativity though, I've discovered that my brain doesn't have an off switch. I'm in the middle of writing two books, which I've published chapters of on both Wattpad and Kindle Vella. I keep getting new ideas for new stories and I always have this new motivation to start on these new ideas, which puts my current projects on the backburner. Writer's block has been a massive problem for me and I know that's only because I am my own worst critic but I end up feeling like a failure when it takes me weeks or months to put out new chapters.

As an indie author with a passion for reading and writing still being newly ignited, my first real blog post should be about my struggles. I know that so many people can relate to it.

I'm trying to use this to get me writing more. At least 10 minutes a day, because at this point my mental health is preventing me from putting my all into my work.

If you've read this far and haven't followed this blog, please do so. I'll be reblogging many things related to the novels I'm writing. Still, I will also be posting text posts like this one, on various topics, mainly about my books, writing style, reading lists, recommendations, etc.

thank you, ❀ c.a

[greenapplebling]

Just to get something out of my chest:

If you read Mikayuu fanfic, you probably know which one I'm talking about since it's fairly popular, it's the one where Mika has (extreme) social anxiety and Yuu is a kleptomaniac playboy and they meet in a support group

So I've been putting off this read for a while for the exact same reason that I couldn't get past half the 1st chapter: as someone who struggles with social anxiety, the part of the support group felt really uncomfortable to read

A support group... for someone with extreme social anxiety?? That honestly felt like exposure therapy

Idk, I have no idea if it gets better (and by that I mean if Mika ever realizes that what he needs is 1 on 1 therapy, not a freaking support group) or if the author did any research on social anxiety (or if they have it themselves) and what their intention was

Obviously no shade to the author, I admit sometimes I go to hard on fanfic writers when they're just writing whatever they want for fun (whatever rocks your boat) and that's on me. But something that always bothered me is how much they want to explore mental health problems/conditions (which is good) while having absolutely no idea what they're talking about or how to deal with it (which is bad)

Honestly, this is the mildest case I have encountered bc the portrayal seems good, but unfortunately it hit too close to home for me

Anyway, if you're gonna write about mental health, please I am begging you, do your research or ask people who struggle with it. Just- be sensitive about it, ok?

[marksluvr0]

black glasses and butter biscuits<333

chapter three (◕ᴗ◕✿)

jaehyun x fem!reader

warnings - toxic bsf, insecurities, anger issues, mild anxiety.

the soft breeze of air treads through y/ns hair slowly, the chilly air made her shake even more than she already was

what if it was just a set up... to humiliate me for ever thinking i could get with Jaehyun

she wouldn't put it past his friends, the amount of times she's heard about something they did scared her, wondering if this was the smartest idea.

she opens the door to the small cafe that barely has any people in it her eyes don't land on him, yup definitely a bad idea.

she walks into the cafe, meek steps while she grips the bottom of her brown skirt in attempt to calm down.

i guess it's my first time being stood u-

"hey y/n" Jaehyun lightly puts his hand on her shoulder as she turns around quite violently "oh hi" she mumbles nicely "sorry i was sitting there, it's the best spot although not so practical" Jaehyun says, a nervous hand scratching the nape of his neck "oh it's okay, i just didn't see you" she smiles and jaehyuns face instantly lightens up.

"cmon let's go sit" he says and softly guides her with a hand on her back.

jaehyun is a true gentleman, he pulls the chair out for y/n before sitting himself, she wonders how exactly she landed in this place, one so many would kill for.

"this place is nice, it's quiet" y/n says "yeah it is isn't it, me and my friend johnny found it freshman year and it's been our special spot ever since" Jaehyun rambles, stopping himself before he tells y/n every deepest darkest secret of Johnny's.

"so what are your hobbies?" jaehyun asks as he sips his coffee "hm i like reading i guess, and movies, i don't really have many hobbies i guess" y/n says kindly "what are yours" "i like movies too, i enjoy basketball but i play it so much as my major that i don't really dedicate free time to it" he says "that's understandable, i used to love astrophysics and just studying it for fun but now it's such a chore" y/n says before she takes a bite out of her croissant.

"do you-" "why did you invite me out" they both say at the same time, Jaehyun chuckles to himself before answering "does there have to be a specific reason?" he laughs, not wanting to get vulnerable, "i mean yeah unless you just invited me out for no reason" y/n says quietly, instantly regretting coming here in the first place.

"well i just find you interesting, I've seen you a lot on campus and you just seem so interesting" he says and y/n nods "okay" she says "was it a decent answer" he asks "not Romeo but something" she smiles and jaehyun grins widely back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

after a long few hours at the coffee shop with y/n, Jaehyun couldn't rip the smile off his face. he walks up to the door of his shared house when it suddenly flings open.

"out of everyone, literally everyone you pick her" johnny almost screeches at Jaehyun and he looks at johnny with a confused expression.

"what are you talking about" Jaehyun asks as he steps in the weirdly quiet house. "y/n y/l/n, there's so many fucking people on campus and of course you like her" johnny says.

"i don't understand what you mean" Jaehyun just takes his coat off before walking away, "no you wouldn't understand because you have no problem just taking everything and leaving it destroyed" johnny says dramatically.

"i am so confused" Jaehyun walks down theo hall to his bedroom "belie, her best friend me and her have something and you're going to ruin it by whatever sick game you're playing on y/n" johnny says, following Jaehyun when he stops in his tracks.

"I'm not playing a game on her okay, i genuinely like her" Jaehyun says "yeah right, i get that she's decent but she's a total nerd, and really uninteresting" johnny says and suddenly he feels himself being pushed back by Jaehyun, Johnny's back hits the wall and jaehyuns hands grab harshly on his collar "if she's so uninteresting, how did i spend 4 hours in a cafe with her and practically beg her for another date hm" Jaehyun spits meanly "relax dude you can like who you want" johnny whispers, knowing how bad Jaehyun can get when he's angry "watch what you say about her" Jaehyun says, shoving johnny into the wall before walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

y/n shuts the door to her condo as she sighs dreamily, out of everyone Jung jaehyung could've chosen, he chose her.

she practically jumped for joy whenever she thought about it, her mind couldn't focus on her studies because of the excitement in her tummy.

should i text him? she thought to herself, not wanting to seem needy.

her phone dings loudly, and she checks it quickly.

jaehyun:

Are you free to call?

y/n:

of course:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n - this is the third chapter I'm sorry I've been so slow with this 😭😭 and I've decided that this fic might be a bit dark to some people lol, also it's unedited so I'll edit it later

@ahtisa02 @sstarrysshit @skuezk @donkey-hyuck @pckeia

[tea-stained-notes]

Steve Rogers x OFC - Waiting On a Miracle, Chapter 4

After catching an infamous serial killer in the act, Julie Castillo is in line for the witness protection program. She is sent to a temporary safe house with U.S. Marshal Steve Rogers to protect her. Both of them scarred by trauma and tragedy, they find solace in each other. But how far will they dare to go?

It's been ages, I'm sorry. At least I've been procrastinating this so long that it's once more cosy cabin fic season lol

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in the future!

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3

Series warnings: violence, death, angst, trauma, smut

Chapter warnings: anxiety, light trauma

Chapter word count: 2350

Song(s) referenced: Waiting In the Wings (Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure)

As the days passed it became increasingly impossible not to get to know each other. After all, we were all we had. Natasha had dropped by with new groceries and stayed to chat for a bit, but while Steve and I were in our own little world, she had a hundred things other than my safety on her plate. Staying in my small room all day wasn’t an inviting prospect and leaving the cabin proved too great a risk with only Steve there to protect me. What I hadn’t expected was that he would care for me in a way that must have been above his pay grade. When the nightmares finally caught up to me, forcing me awake with a scream and sending me to the door to escape the terrors seemingly living under my bed, he was already waiting in the hallway. Calmly talking me down from my panic and gently guiding me to the kitchen for some tea. And during the day his sheer presence kept my anxiety at bay with almost miraculous ease.

As the endless hours passed we grew more and more familiar with each other. We talked about anything and everything from our views on female reproductive rights (which were luckily the same) to our favourite Disney movies, mine being Moana and Steve’s Beauty and the Beast. “Really?” “Yeah, I prefer the old hand-animated movies. Plus, the songs? They’re timeless.” I nodded reluctantly while biting into one of the brownies Steve had just baked. “And like any sane person I’m obviously a sucker for that library scene,” he said with a smile so disarming I almost choked on my bite. “You do live up to that admission,” I croaked out. Steve had blazed through a whole stack of books over the past week. The shelves housed a pretty great collection and for the first few days I had been glad to have some time to read as well. But I found myself more and more distracted — by being cooped up inside while the surrounding nature looked so inviting through the windows, by the restlessness from the unfamiliar inactivity and wondering about the people I had left behind, and embarrassingly by Steve. His warmth and genuine interest in everything that went on inside my head still caught me off guard. “Great, now I wanna watch Disney movies.” I cast a disappointed look at the old TV that only offered a measly handful of channels. “How about we ask Natasha to get us some DVDs and a player up here?” I jumped up immediately, on the hunt for pen and paper. “Let’s make a list!” My enthusiasm earned a soft chuckle from Steve. “Honestly, how come we don’t have that here anyway? No Smart TV I understand but DVDs?” I made my way back to the couch, sinking into the cushions a few feet away from him. He shrugged. “This place is meant for short stays. We rehouse people if they have to go into long-term protection.” “Fine, but such little entertainment? What if you can’t stand the other person and don’t wanna talk to them?” “Well, luckily you and I don’t have that problem.” Steve’s gentle smile made my heart flutter. I quickly glued my eyes to the notepad in my lap and brandished the pencil. “Hit me then. Besides Belle shitting on the entire townsfolk, explaining the plot of her book to some random sheep, and not eating a single bite throughout a whole song about food.” He ignored my comment. “Hercules.” “God, that one’s a hot mess but you gotta love it.” “Baboom. Name is Hades, lord of the dead. Hi, howya doin'?” I stared at him in disbelief for a second, then broke out into laughter. “Okay, that was a seriously good impression.” “Don’t sound so surprised,” he retorted with mock offence, “Like I said, I did do theatre at school.” “I know, but…” “What?” I studied him. Lounging on the couch in jeans and a knitted sweater, relaxed and comfortable. “When I met you at the station… You seemed like a very different person.” “So did you.” He gave me a crooked grin. “Maybe we’re just very different people when we’re in the city.” “Maybe first impressions are just stupid.” “Also that.”

We worked on the list for a while, moving from animation to mini series, dramas and comedies. I wondered how many of these we would actually make it through, until this surreal bubble would finally burst. When I would lose this strangely wonderful companionship. Something pulled in my chest at the mere thought. I set the notepad down and let my eyes wander through the room until they landed on the piano. “You do that a lot,” Steve said quietly. “What?” “Look at the piano.” I swallowed hard, feeling his intent gaze on me. “I wouldn’t mind you playing. Whatever you want.” “No, thank you.” Silence fell over us for a while. Not the easy silence I had grown used to with him, this one was suffocating. When he spoke again his voice was even more tender. “That song you were singing the other day. About… waiting in the wings?” My throat went dry. “Was that from the show you’re working on?” “No. Uh, it’s from a spin-off TV show about Rapunzel, you know, from Tangled.” “Huh.” Steve raised his eyebrows. “I had no idea they write such good songs for cartoons.” “Well, they brought back Alan Menken and Glenn Slater for the show, those two don’t fuck around. And Eden Espinosa sings this one, she’s pretty famous for playing Elphaba in Wicked, so you know what she brings to the table. Jeremy Jordan sang a few songs for the show as well, you don’t tend to hire him for some shitty run-of-the-mill pop tunes.” He stared at me for a moment. “That was… a lot of names.” “Never mind,” I smiled. The tension had almost left my body when his next question brought it back in full force. “It means a lot to you though, right? That song?” I swallowed thickly, the paper crumpling in my clammy hands. “Let’s just say, it hits a little too close to home.” “Hmm.” Steve nodded. “I mean, it’s not actually about theatre of course,” I fumbled, “it’s just a metaphor.” “But it’s about theatre for you.” Another endless pause stretched between us. “I’m sorry,” he eventually murmured. “You don’t have to tell me.” “I think I want to.” My admission took us both by surprise. I had been keeping up my walls for so long, with Finn being the only one who actually knew my entire story. But now I was almost craving to tear them down for this man before me. He settled back into the cushions, giving me an encouraging smile. I cleared my throat a few times, my stomach and fingers in knots.

“My mom was from Mexico. She moved to New York all by herself at nineteen. She’d been obsessed with the stage all her life, starring in every school production and constantly putting on shows for her family at home. She put herself through AMDA on a scholarship—“ I stopped myself. “Sorry, that’s the American—“ “Musical and Dramatic Academy.” Steve smiled gently. “Some theatre kids from my high school applied.” “Right. She was gifted and relentless. Even when the industry kept putting spokes in her wheel, denying her roles with bullshit excuses and, well, very thinly-veiled racism. I wish I could say things are nothing like that today but… Anyway, she eventually got her foot in the door with some minor parts and then one day broke out as Diana Morales in A Chorus Line. And she was incredible. I mean, I only ever got to see some grainy footage from the time but… God, you should’ve seen her.” His eyes shone with light warmth. “Was she even better than you?” “Definitely.” It came out sounding more bitter than I had intended. “One day she met my dad through a school music program. He was teaching high school back then. And when I came along I didn’t really have a choice but to be into music. Something was always playing, either from the stereo or my parents’ instruments. I was into the guitar but my mom insisted I learn the piano as well. She always said, ‘I don’t care what else you learn to play, as soon as you’re decent at the piano. It’s the best basis.’” “Was she right?” “Unfortunately yes,” I smirked. “And learned to love the piano. But my real love was musical theatre. She never forced that, I simply fell for it, just like she had as a child. So both my parents taught me at home and I signed up for lessons in singing, acting, dancing. It was basically a full-time job outside of school.” “That sounds intense.” “It was. But I couldn’t get enough, I loved nothing more than learning new techniques and routines, running lines, hanging out with other theatre kids. For years it was heaven.” Steve’s smile faded. “What happened then?” “In my last year of high school I started auditioning for drama schools.” I took a deep breath. “And I choked. Every single time.” “Why?” The word came out as soft as the rain pattering against the windows. For a moment I could hardly breathe with the urge to fall into Steve, to bury my face in his chest and never come up for air. I roughly cleared my throat. “Pressure, I guess. I had been in countless productions, but as long as I’d been a kid, it had always been a game somehow. Now I was facing the big leagues, my entire future depended on those few minutes in front of the committee and—“ I sank my teeth into my bottom lip. “And they all knew my mother.” “So, they expected you to be perfect.” “Of course they did.” A strangled laugh escaped me. “She always bragged about how much promise I showed. And she wasn’t wrong. I was good for my age. The stage had been home all my life. But suddenly it became hell.” Steve’s hand found mine and my heart jumped at the gentle contact. I stared at his thumb as it caressed along my knuckles. Back and forth, just like the tug between panic and comfort in my chest. “That must have been incredibly difficult,” he finally murmured. I nodded, still choked up. “My dad was pretty relaxed about it. He kept saying I could just focus on something else for a while and return to theatre when I felt ready. But Mom… She tried so hard to hide it but her disappointment broke me. I can’t imagine how it felt for her. All those countless hours teaching me, watching me learn and perform, encouraging me, supporting me. She’d always believed that I would be a star. Had made me believe I would be.” Steve didn’t say a word, just looked at me with endless sympathy, his hand a warm tether to the world.

“After a while I couldn’t even try anymore. I had panic attacks on the way to auditions, I barely slept, I almost failed my finals. So, I gave up. I worked some odd jobs for a while, trying to flush that dream out of my system, to find something else I could be good at. But as much as it hurt, I couldn’t stay away. I trained as a deputy stage manager and in some ironic way made it to Broadway after all.” “And what about your mom?” I shrugged. “She tried to be happy for me. But I think she could never really see past the waste of my education.” “Julie—“ “And then she died.” The room feel silent. I could feel Steve’s eyes on my as I tried to blink away the tears in mine. “Heart attack. Everyone said it was just stress, she had been extremely busy with work while doing all sorts of charity work and giving lessons. But I wondered… I just couldn’t help but think that my failure—“ “Julie, no.” Steve took my hand in both of his, his grip as urgent as his tone. “Don’t you dare believe something like that.” I inhaled deeply, wiping at the tears that had spilled over at last. “Sometimes I wonder whether I should just leave New York behind. Whether the joy the theatre still brings me sometimes is worth the constant reminders that I'm not really part of that world. Not in the way I want to be. The way she wanted me to be. Most of the time it all just hurts.” “I get that part,” Steven said quietly, half-lost in his own thoughts. I studied him for a moment. “You left Chicago for a good reason, huh?” He swallowed, then nodded almost imperceptibly. “The thing is: The pain doesn’t leave you, it leaves with you. You’ll just keep carrying it everywhere.” Once more, silence fell upon us. I was caught somewhere between the relief of finally having opened up and the wondering about Steve’s past which was still mostly a mystery to me. “Have you ever auditioned again?”, he suddenly asked. “I’ve tried a couple more times. But I never made it to the actual stage. I probably never will.” “Is it even possible to fully give up on something that feels like your life’s purpose?” He seemed to direct the question at the room more than me. We both stared out the window for a while, following the raindrops’ paths down the pane. Eventually he withdrew his hand from mine to stand up and an instant chill ran through my body. I had grown dangerously used to his touch. “I’m gonna make coffee. Would you like some more tea with those brownies?” “That would be great,” I said, still slightly off kilter. On his way to the kitchen he turned to face me once more. “Julie?” I looked up at him expectantly. “Thank you for trusting me with your story.” He said it as if I’d ever really had a choice.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

MASTERLIST

[tailoroffates]

Hello hello! The snippets from your find the word answers were very interesting! I would love to learn a little more about that world you've got brewing. Really a free-range topic, but I know sometimes having a point to start is nice, so no need to answer all of these: Where the inspiration for this world come from? Is there an element of the world building you don't expect to make an occurrence to the reader that you are really happy with( like a problem that you solved, an interesting and unexpected interaction, etc.)? Or is there an aspect of the world building you aren't quite sure about and thinking out loud(or typing lol) may help work through? Just a few ideas but really use this as a space to really gush about your story and world!

Hmm... Thanks for asking about it! If I'm being honest I loved your snippets from the Heads up 7 up game. You have a gift for describing scenes and I found myself completely immersed in the writing, especially when the first line of dialogue popped up. I just didn't say anything because I'm new to Tumblr and not sure of the etiquette of replying/responding yet. :D

As for your questions, I'll answer them in numbers.

My true inspiration actually came from mental illness. I have Agoraphobia and though it's improved, initially there were 4 years that I was so darn anxious that I couldn't leave my house at all (not even to go out to the backyard). I dealt with that anxiety by building a world of my own that I could enjoy, which I knew the rules for. One day, my partner found my binder of chapters, race designs, kingdom descriptions/maps, creatures, and plants and they were like, "Ohmygod! You have to do something with this!" That's when I decided that I wouldn't just make a book out of it. Since then I have built the overview for a full book series and I'm also now building a TTRPG inspired by D&D. It's been quite therapeutic if I'm being honest. The existing inspirations for my lore are LoTR, and Avatar - the last Airbender.

Sort of. There's a chapter where one of my OCs is being attacked by an assassin and disarms them, so they knock him into a lake and sink with him. The assassin got a breath before the fall, my OC didn't. The OC begins drowning and a previous chat with his mentor about the most important aspects of fighting in water pops into his head. He was told that the main 3 principles he needed to pay attention to were, elemental abilities, stamina, and lung capacity. So, as the OC begins to blackout and thinks about how he could possibly survive this ordeal that chat begins repeating in his head and he gets an idea. So he begins transforming into a Lycan (werewolf) underwater and kicks off the floor of the lake, allowing himself a brief moment to surface and take a breath. Due to the fact his transformation causes him to grow a full-size class (from medium to large) his lung capacity increases and he uses the surprised gasp of the assassin as his cue to pull them back underwater, instead drowning the assassin.

Yes actually. I've been having issues naming certain aspects of one of my magic systems. It works like this: The system is called "Elemancy" and the general idea is that it allows certain races to manipulate the elements. The main forms of Elemancy used are Geomancy (earth), Hydromancy (water), Pyromancy (fire), and Aeromancy (air). The issue I'm having is once you learn all four natural Elemancy types there are several subtypes and a new tree of abilities opens up leading all the way up to the ability to manipulate cosmic energy, but I can't find a good name for metal, or cosmic. Metalmancy, ferromancy... Neither sounds good, and ferro refers to iron specifically, when the ability involves all metals. Same with Cosmomancy, or Spacialmancy. None of those hit the ear right, y'know? Any ideas?

[halethestilinskis]

Untitled- Chapter 1 & 2

A/N- I know I haven't been on here much but I got inspiration to maybe start writing my own book- I have some ideas so I wanted to post it to see what y'all thought, please feel free to critique me and give me some pointers you would like to see as a reader!!

Chapter One

I was freezing, the melted snow going straight through my snow pants from a long afternoon of sledding with my friends, I wanted to go home, but friends wanted to stay. It was still light out, the snow still fresh, but my face was raw with the icy wind blasting. We saw some more people coming to the hill to join in the sledding. I lived across the main road, shared a school and bus with a lot of these kids and most of them absolutely loathed me. Why? I have no idea, but I suspect rumors went around at some point. Kids liked to bully me. I wasn't the prettiest, I was a big tom boy who didn't like to wear anything girly or pink. Only t-shirts and jeans. I didn't know how to do my hair, and my mom insisted I had bangs, even though my middle part and cowlick pushed them to the sides and made me look silly. The Colvin's had strong genes, and I looked just like a female version of my brother, which may made the ladies love him, but the boys not like me.

Tyler was walking over with his huge red sled. I hated him, and he hated me. He was a year younger than me, but a lot of the more popular kids lived over here, and they all talked, or were siblings of the popular kids that were my brothers friends. Over to my left was my brothers best friend's house, Jackson, and he was walking over with his brother Julian. He didn't know it, but I had a huge crush on Jackson. He's three years older than me, the same age as my brother, but my brain didn't care. Like I said, boys didn't like me, and I wasn't pretty, and he only had pretty, skinny girls hanging on him.

I got more nervous as Jackson got closer, does he even know who I am?  I questioned myself, but of course he did. I'm Jameson's little sister, every one in town knew my brother, everyone loved him, I've been known as "Jameson's little sister" for years, never by my actual name, Hazel. Jackson said "hi" to me as he was running up the hill. My face burnt, immediately warming up, I had to turn quickly before he noticed, no doubt in my mind that he knew I had a crush on him.

"Move" Tyler said as he brushed past me to get up the hill, I was standing at the end, ready to relax for a second before going back up. My face burnt for a different reason. I hated confrontation. I sat down where I was, no one was coming down the hill on this side, the short side of the hills. Savannah, my best friend, went down the hill again, loving the snow, she didn't have a park with hills where she lived. I walked over to her, now that Tyler was here, I really wanted to go home.

"Get out of the way, or I'm running you over" Tyler yelled from the top of the hill as I moved to go talk to Savannah.

"Shut up, Tyler" I rolled my eyes and yelled back. He came down the hill anyway, forcing Savannah and I to quickly move out of the way.

"What's your problem?" Savannah, red faced, screamed at him. She didn't care about confrontation, if someone did something wrong to her, she let them know.

"I told you to move" he laughed, he actually laughed at the though of hurting us. Sociopath.

"Fuck you, Tyler" I said, angry enough that I didn't care about my anxiety.

He laughed darkly, moving toward us. I never wanted to fight with people, but I've been in a few fist fights with other people on my block (they started it), so I knew if I had to, I could. Our eyes locked and I wasn't back down. Thankfully he did. Savannah went up the hill again, I was spent, so I stayed at the bottom, my hands numb, waiting to go home. Tyler came up behind me, red plastic sled in hand.

"Leave me alone, Tyler" I said, exasperated. He snicked, knowing he got under my skin, and hit my in the back of the head with his sled, making it look like it was an accident as it hit me when he turned, but everyone around heard the argument we just had and knew it was on purpose.

"Hey, what the hell!?" I heard Jackson yell, he ran over to me, making sure I was alright as I rubbed the back of them head. It didn't hurt, at least not a lot, but I was humiliated and sad that someone hated me so much for no reason, that they justified hitting me. Jackson stormed up to Tyler, four years older than him, he got in his face, "you don't hit women, what is wrong with you?".

I swooned a bit at Jackson defending me, knowing it wasn't because he had a crush on me, and it was simply because I was a young defenseless girl that happened to be Jameson's little sister, but it was a nice fantasy to have.

"Are you okay?" he asked, coming back to me and giving me his hand to help me up.

"Yeah" I said, standing up before him, he pat my shoulder and walked away. My small ego very bruised, Savannah finally agreed that we can go back to my house.

I didn't see Jackson for a while after that, only briefly in school when we shared a school for a year. My freshman year, his senior year. I only saw my brother in the hall a handful of times, I'd call out his name and he'd push me into the lockers as he walked by with a smirk on his face. People in my own grade were asking me if I was Jameson's little sister now, assuming they connected with some of his friends and had sibling my brothers age. Even then, my brother was popular, everyone knew his name, but I was not. Not sure why the gene pool gave both my brother charisma and good looks, but not me, doomed to the bottom of the barrel of high school.

People didn't hate me anymore, I learned to control my anger, and that I was never going to be a popular or even near popular kid, and just lived with it. I kept to myself, got decent grades in my Junior and Senior year, and graduated, finally happy to rid the cesspool that was high school and go to college.

I had boyfriends, had boys that actually liked me and shamelessly flirted with me. There was Joe who I dated earlier in high school that played with my heart, shattered it and then came back and played with it some more. He was the hardest to get over and I will forever hate him for what he did to me. There was Jake, who never wanted a relationship with me, but would shamelessly first, bring me to his house and on "dates" but never wanted anything more. I never expected more from him, even though I liked him and thought he was cute, he back handedly made fun of me sometimes, and I didn't know how to joke about myself because my self esteem was so low. Looking back, I'm shocked he ever saw anything in me. College wasn't anything special, it was a community college right around the street from my house, but since my brother and I lived at home, and I was the only one who was actually home a majority of the time, I caught the wrath of my step dad.

"Go get a job" he screamed at me while I was sitting on my bed doing homework. I didn't even have my license, how was I supposed to get a job? It didn't matter anyway, no matter what, we were his step kids and weren't going to live up to his expectations.

Finally, I graduated and was able to be on my own. New degree, new me, I told myself, applying for every job in the area. Both my brothers moved out, it was time for me to do the same. These bright blue walls of my messy bedroom were starting to close in on me with how much time I spent in them.

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Chapter Two

"Feels like a new start" I breathed in, closing my eyes, enjoying the smell of the freshly finished wood floors and fresh coat of paint on the walls. It might be a rental that my brother owns, and he lives right above me, but I wouldn't complain about a cheap apartment that was close to family. There were a few things that needed to be worked on here, some wires hanging out of the ceiling for light fixtures my brother hadn't yet put in, and cheap work done by his friends, but I was his sister who didn't care as long as I could live there.

"We'll have to throw a party" my eldest brother, Shane said, handing me the keys, "but you have to take care of this place, I mean it Hazel, I know how messy you can be".

I rolled my eyes at him, "relax, an apartment and a room are two different things." He continued to list off things I needed to take care of, even though his apartment was messy too. I stopped listening after he told me to put carpet padding down on the floor before any carpets and asked "did you ask Jackson if he can help move my stuff?" Jackson had a large truck and helped everyone with their moving needs. Sometimes he was a nice dude, but the other times he would say some back handed insults to people around him, causing me to think he didn't like me, even though my crush was still alive and thriving at the age of 22.

"Yeah, he said tomorrow works" Shane said after he listed everything off in the house that needed to be kept pristine, including the dishwasher that still had plastic wrap on it from when it was delivered 2 years ago.

For tonight though, I was sleeping on an air mattress my mom had in her attic that was likely covered in spiders. I started to set it up before I went out with friends to celebrate move in day, even though I was exhausted from packing all of my things over the past week.

The mattress smelled like dusty basement, and I screamed as something web like touched my fingers. Definitely full of spiders. I almost gave up right there and to just sleep on the floor tonight, or ask Shane if I can sleep on his couch, but I was a big girl, with a big girl apartment, and I can't always rely on people to help me out. I decided to take the quicker approach and just dump the whole thing out and stomp on the spiders as they came out to attack. It fell to the floor with a thud and with the broom handle, I unrolled it. Fortunately, there were no spiders, unfortunately, my brother heard me scream from his apartment.

---

Savannah and I met up at a gaming bar. We don't frequent too often, but we wanted to get out of our comfort zone and play some games with some strangers. Both of us were awkwardly single, and didn't know how to talk to strangers, but at least we can drink a few drinks, let the anxiety go, and play some air hockey with strangers.

"Do you need help with moving tomorrow?" she asked as we waited in line outside to pay the entrance fee.

"I have my brothers, and Jackson is helping" I mentioned.

Savannah elbowed my arm playfully, with a grin on her face "Jackson huh?". My face went red. Savannah has been my friend since middle school, she knows every dirty little secret about me, including my crush on Jackson since I was 12.

"Shut up" I brushed her off, giving the bouncer my ID, since I still look 18 years old, "he's not even my friend, just my brothers friend who I see sometimes".

"Yeah, but what if" she countered. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I wouldn't allow myself to fall into that trap and indulge in a fantasy that would never, in a million years, happen. I did enjoy having him around and talking to him, even if he is an ass sometimes, but I have never hung out with him or even held a decent conversation with the man.

The air hockey table was open and we rushed toward it, only for two guys to reach it just before we did. The guy with blonde hair noticed us trying to get there, and nodded towards us so his friend with brown hair would look.

"Did you guys want to play?" he called over the music.

"It’s okay" I waved off, "you guys go ahead and we can grab it when you're done".

He smiled, "we can do a two on two if you want!"

Savannah and I looked at each other, shrugged, basically saying why not, and headed on over, "so are we doing boys against girls or are we making teams" Savannah offered.

"Let's do teams" The brunette said, and Savannah and I split up. I went over to the blonde.

"Hi" I managed to say, "I'm Hazel", he smiled down at my out stretched hand, making me feel embarrassed for even offering it to him. My cheeks heated up, why am I so awkward?

"John" he said, taking my hand, "and that's Zach" he motioned to his friend.

"Her names Savannah" I motioned my head over to her, seeing her laughing with Zach already. She always knew what to say and how to be funny, meanwhile, I just shut down at the first sign of talking to strangers, but wasn't that why we decided to come here tonight?

"I hate to break it to you, but you chose the wrong team" John smiled sheepishly, "I'm really bad at air hockey".

I giggled, "How can you be bad at air hockey?"

Zach shot the puck as soon the table started working, I leaned to go over the goal, nearly shoving John out of the way, but the puck got in anyway.

"Like that" he laughed. I laughed along with him, at least we had the puck now. I slap shot the puck down towards their end, where Savannah caught it the corner and sent it flying this way, I went to hit it again, slamming it over to them, but it ended up bouncing off the sides in the middle, Zach sent his handle to the middle, knocking it back to our side. Slowly, it returned and John caught it with his handle, sliding the puck over to me again.

"You have a better slap shot than me" he grinned, watching me send it over to their side and directly into the goal.

We cheered, jumping and high fiving each other. Apparently we ended up on the right team, because we were both looking competitive against our friends.

The score ended up being 6-6 after nearly 10 minutes of the back and forth. The bar was really starting to fill in and people around us were definitely eyeing the air hockey table. Whoops.

"Game face, John" I said, eyeing the puck as Savannah got ready to send it over, giving me to squinty focused eyes, "next goal wins!" My anxiety wasn't as potent anymore, having a beer and getting comfortable with these guys let my mind have some fun.

"Ready?" Savannah called over"

"Bring it" John and I said at the same time, causing us to look at each other and laugh. Savannah saw her moment and hit the puck as hard as she could. John caught it with his handle as it was halfway into our goal.

"Yeeeahh!" he cheered, grabbing it quickly before it went all the way in. He lined it up and slap shot it over before they even realized what happened. The puck went into their goal, and we ended up winning. Savannah gave me the stink eye as John and I jumped up and down cheering.

"That was awesome" Zach and Savannah came around, no longer able to hear simple conversation over the people and the music, "do you guys want to play again, we could do boys vs. girls this time" he slung his arm around his buddies shoulder.

"Looks like other people are waiting"  I gestured to the growing crowd, it really got busy in here while we were playing.

"Is there anything else here?" John looked around, "DDR is open".

"I love DDR" I confessed quickly, knowing I'll probably do terribly with an audience.

"I love it, but I'm not good at it" Savannah chimed in.

"No one's good at it, but it's a good time" Zach slapped her arm playfully making her smile.

"Let's do it then" John said, moving toward the game, clearly he was the more outgoing one.

We played a few rounds of DDR and then moved over to Guitar Hero. My skills were very rusty on both, but we had a blast singing Sweet Child of Mine while playing on the easiest setting.

"Do you guys want another drink?" Zach offered looking over at John, "we're both empty" he shook the bottle to show us.

"Uh, I looked around, realizing it was getting late and kind of packed, I had to wake up early and drive home after all, "I better not, I have a lot going on tomorrow".

"Actually you're right, Haz" Savannah said, "we should probably get going, it's already 10".

"Damn" John stated, "we can't convince you for one more round?"

"I really can't" I relayed sadly, "I'm moving tomorrow, it’s gonna be a hard day as it is".

"Oof, yeah moving sucks, I know the feeling" he sympathized, "well how about we take each others numbers and we can meet up here sometime, we owe you drinks".

His smile was contagious as I felt mine grow into a grin, "yeah, that sounds fun!"

They said their goodbye's as we gave each other our numbers, hoping for a night within the next couple weeks to come back and meet up with them.

"Let us know when you get home!" Zach called out, I looked over to see John giving me the thumbs up. I gave it back to him, fully knowing I wouldn't remember to do that. I never did.

Savannah and I walked back to our cars with silent grins on our faces, both thinking the same thing, and how much fun we had.

"Get some rest, sleeping beauty!" she gave me a hug as I got to my car.

"I'll let you know if I end up needing your help, but come by later on, they'll probably hang around and have a few beers" I offered hopefully.

"Sure, let me know" she smiled. I got into my car and turned it on, keeping my eye on her as she got into hers, making sure she wasn't going to get kidnapped.

The ride home was a straight line, very smooth and little traffic for a Friday night in Providence.

The porch light was on when I got home, not sure if my brother always left it on it if he knew I was going to be back home late. It didn't matter to me, as long as it didn't count toward my electric bill. It still smelled like wood and fresh paint in the apartment and I reveled in it, made it feel less like a fever dream that I'm on my own. I quickly took my make up off, hopped in the shower, and got ready for bed, only to realize the air mattress was not blown up, and there was no pump to it. Looks like I'm sleeping on the floor after all.

[lunardeao3]

No, I won't post updates of Downfall until Sunday 4th of December. This is the reason why 👇🏼

I chose to participate to the No Post November strike alongside many authors in solidarity with everyone who has been the victim of censorship and harassment these past few weeks. I hesitated a lot before posting this because I didn't know if it was my place to speak up about the ongoing issue in the fandom or not considering I'm just a small author and thankfully I haven't been the target of anything as dreadful as this yet but also I think this isn't about popularity but humanity or especially the lack of humanity the fandom is showing towards authors. We are humans just like you, we are not robots and we definitely don't owe you anything. If I want to post 2 chapters in a week and then nothing the next week, then this is on me. Do not read WIP if you can't stand the uncertainty coming along with it because that's on you, not on me. I believe it shouldn't be normal to turn our hobby into something that it wasn't supposed to be in first place and pressuring authors into supplying the fandom with content. I consider AO3 to be like a little window to my mind, a little window behind which I allow you to take a look at what my brain made up but you can't touch and edit in no way. You don't have that power, this isn't your place to. This is my work and it belongs to me and in no way readers should have the right to have a go at me because I wrote something they didn't like. (And no, I am not talking about something harmful but about the plot of the fic, generally speaking). In my opinion, the issue is something everyone should address no matter how many hits they get on their work(s) because it is literally slowly killing the fandom. Now, more than ever the community should be united against the violence constantly thrown at the authors' faces. So many authors felt forced to leave the fandom the past months, so many left without even getting the opportunity to tell the story they had spent so much time building and sharing with us because of the unnerving amount of hate they received. The truth is: being an author in the Marauders Fandom — especially the Jegulus fandom — is honestly torturous sometimes.

As a smaller author I think it is important to address the problem because it also impacts me and my writing, my mental health and it ignites my insecurities to the point writing becomes harder someday and it is sometimes even a source of anxiety which is not okay. Writing is probably the best thing I have in my life and I hate feeling nervous about the reactions I could get depending on how people would interpret a chapter I wrote. It's not the common nervousness when you share something with a community and you wait for feedback, no. It's literally fear of being bullied over something I may have written because people don't know how to address issues, concerns or divergence of opinion without immediately getting hateful. I personally never have experienced anything too bad thus far and I truly hope it'll remain the same for a while longer but I've witnessed it too many times recently, it makes me sick to my stomach. I've seen bigger authors receiving death threats and hateful comments/messages during the past few weeks. I've also seen a sickening amount of people gathering to bully them online sometimes. This getting out of hand and this is absolutely awful.

What the fuck?

What truly astonishes me is that people are fighting authors about ridiculous stuff mostly such as headcanons, ships, characterisations (yes Evan Rosier can be a fucking sunshine or darker than a hurricane because the man didn't live during the Harry Potter era and we don't know shit about him, so any headcanons are valid as long as they're not harmful, no you can not tell me Regulus is too dark or not dark enough either because I am the one writing his character, this is my fic and this is how I perceive him so I'm just going to write him exactly how I want to and that's it) or the way they told their stories — which belong to no one but them.

The recent events made me feel insecure about posting during two weeks, I eventually posted but only because I love my fic and the story I tell so I wanted to share but this is getting impossible to ignore the elephant in the room anymore. The thing is that I hate feeling like I have to tiptoe around certain topics when I write. I used to write chapters for myself, they came out as I imagined them and now I feel pressured into censorship. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how many times I rewrite and reread a chapter before posting it just to make sure I wouldn't offense somebody and get targeted. I always try to diminish the impact of heavy scenes by avoiding describing them or only partially when I particularly enjoy descriptions and studying the complex feelings resulting from traumatic experiences. I believe those are important enough to be discussed — especially in a fic based on Sirius and Regulus growing up and going through literally hell. Yet I feel forced to carefully pick my words and to censor myself while describing those traumatic situations because I am afraid of how they could be perceived. If it was just about that, I believe it wouldn't matter that much but the thing is I use my fic to cope with my personal traumas (not in a very weird way but more like seeing those characters reacting to things I can relate to help me, I feel less alone with the struggles then) and I know that I am not the only one doing that which makes it only sadder to think our safe escape suddenly became anything but safe.

(Also, while I'm at it, let's take a minute to talk about Regulus please. What the fuck is wrong with people?? I have read so many fics before I began writing mine and I had never found one fic where the PoVs were from both Regulus and Sirius so I thought it would be cool to explore it the way I do in Downfall except I didn't expect the whole gatekeeping thing around Regulus?? Why would you do that?? I am sincerely confused as to why people decided Regulus had to be a certain way and this way only).

Anyway, I made the decision to participate to the No Post November because I believe our silence would speak louder than our words. Zar, Mots, Soph, and many other authors already tried to bring awareness to the issue yet nothing has changed, if anything it worsened. I believe going on strike could make a difference, I hope so at least because if that doesn't work then I am very pessimistic about the future of the fandom. Pushing authors out of the fandom is the biggest counterproductive thing to do for they're literally the ones keeping the fandom alive — them among any other creators sharing their content to the fandom. Also, I know this is supposed to be just about Jegulus but I made the decision not to post any updates for Renegade during November. I'll post the next chapter on the 1st of December and not before.

That being said, do not bully anyone who would decide not to join the movement, this is perfectly okay and their reasons don't need to be voiced. No one owe you anything, especially not an explanation as to way they decided not to participate. Anyone can decide whether or not they want to join, it's a personal choice which shouldn't be forced upon anyone.

Be gentle and take care of yourself 🦋

[teenmomcentral]

Briana DeJesus learned a shocking truth about her mother Roxanne on the latest episode of Teen Mom: The Next Chapter.

Roxanne had been exhibiting erratic behavior ever since Briana, who previously lived with her, bought a house of her own and moved away.

Taking her young children with her, Briana relocated to a different part of town, over Roxanne's objections that her grandchildren are 'half mine.'

Now living alone, Roxanne began to spiral, even throwing water at her other daughter Brittany during an argument at a restaurant.

In a dramatic showdown with her daughters, Roxanne bared the traumas of her turbulent childhood when she had to inject heroin into her father's arm - and revealed a secret that left Brittany and Briana stunned.

The two sisters discovered methadone in her mother's belongings, showing Roxanne had suffered from addiction herself and was using the medication to recover.

Neither of Roxanne's daughters had any idea of her substance abuse issues, which finally provided an explanation for her past outbursts.

Right from the beginning of the episode, Briana and Brittany had a fraught equation with Roxanne over the latter's various deceptions.

Roxanne, it turned out, had concealed the identity of her daughters' biological father, letting them think their stepfather had actually helped conceive them.

‘Throughout my whole entire life, it was just me, my mom, and my sister,' Briana said in a confessional. 'We were always together. And my mom, she's been our rock.'

She added pointedly: 'But over the years, we started learning that our mom has lied to us about some pretty big things.'

Briana has a daughter called Nova, 12, by her ex Devoin Austin, and another daughter called Stella, six, by another ex called Luis Hernandez.

Having moved away from the support system provided by Roxanne and Brittany, Briana was relying on her friends to help her with childcare.

Briana told one of her friends about her mother’s strange ‘behavior’, saying: '‘She's been just, like, acting out. Like, she'll call us, cursing us out, crying.'

In order to finally get to the bottom of the situation, Briana called Brittany and the two of them arranged a confab with their mother.

On the appointed date, as Briana and Brittany waited for Roxanne to arrive, they expressed their joint anxieties about how the meetup would go.

‘Part of me wants to believe it's gonna be the best conversation we've ever had throughout our whole life, but then another part of me is like: "Hmm, we're not gonna get anywhere,"' Briana admitted. 'We'll figure it out.'

Roxanne blew in, declaring she felt '‘like I got hit by a truck. F***ing everything. Menopause, my anxiety is through the roof. Just everything hit me at once.’

Her daughters raised the possibility that being an empty nester - with Briana moving away and Brittany engaged - might be contributing to her state of distress.

Roxanne noted that she was also attempting to cope with her past, including ‘some traumas that you just don't come back from.’

Her angst was linked to the history of addiction in her family - a problem that was so severe that ‘shooting heroin into my father's arm was the least of my worries.’

‘So how do you feel if you can't come back from some traumas, this stuff that you've done to us?' Brittany retorted. 'You treat me like s. You talk to me like s. You always cross the f***ing boundary. And what if we can't come back from that and we just can't be around you?’

‘And that's the f***ng truck that's hitting me right now,' Roxanne candidly acknowledged. 'The fear, the anxiety for what I've done to you guys, what I've put you guys through, in particular you, those are the things that I have to deal with.'

Brittany mercilessly told her she must get help, because if she continued with her present course of behavior, she would not be asked to Brittany’s wedding.

Roxanne flew into a fury, incredulous that Brittany would resort to ‘such a low blow,’ but Brittany countered that she was only telling ‘the truth.’

As their confrontation reached a fever pitch, Roxanne finally decided to reveal that she was carrying methadone with her.