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thesaltminesrph · 3 years ago

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PSA: Be Upfront

Communication is important in RP.

Now, to preface, I am not going to use the really awful phrase "it's a hobby not a jobby" because this is a really sketch take on what is important to people. You can have a hobby mean a lot to you, be you a collector, a gardener, someone that builds model airplanes, a writer, an artist, etc. Those are all hobbies, and the fruits of your labor are NOT only valuable to you and others if you are paid for them. This saying implies that should you never be a published author, never have a painting sell, never do something that can be sold or have a time clock punched, it doesn’t at all matter. It’s a really discouraging thing to be telling people, quite honestly. I have multiple hobbies outside of RP. Kind of really sucks to see constantly they don’t matter because nobody pays me for what I do. I know I’m not the only one who has said this, but the majority aren’t willing to say it amongst the clamoring of ‘rp isn’t a job’ because then you get people jumping down your throat. Hear me out though! I’m not done.

“BUT I HAVE REAL LIFE!”

Yes! So do we all! We all have problems, and things to take care of. The RPC is littered with people with mental illness, neurodivergence, chronic physical illness (I hit all three categories multiple times, LUCKY ME!). Do not, I repeat, do not ever feel like you need to put RP before: bills, marriage/children/other relationships, your health. Literally, do not have your takeaway from this post be these are secondary to your hobby. They are not. Do not get evicted because you were too busy doing RP at your desk at work, that’s just plain dumb af.

You owe people decency means:

-if you can only do aesthetic posts this week because you are low on writing spoons, that’s fine

-if you had work/health/mother-in-law take over you life this week and you literally didn’t have time to log-in even though you wanted to, that’s fine

-if you are sick in bed and can’t bother to write, that’s fine

What it also means:

-dropping what was supposedly a years long ooc friendship because the other mun isn’t dropping their current muse for you and following you into a different fandom ‘because they’re now boring’ and telling them as much in a message...is shitty behavior.

-daily reblogging multiple memes that people are sending in to you, your wire, your discord, ignoring both those and messages to plot, then whining on the dash that no one wants to write with you (also known as trying to guilt trip interaction, obviously you only wanted it from one specific person not the people actively engaging you)...is shitty behavior.

-claiming you’re open for plots and memes, then only replying to the one or two people consistently for 6 months...is shitty behavior.

Again, in case it wasn’t clear- it’s your blog, it’s your life, it’s your health. That’s not in question.

HOWEVER- be upfront and give people some honesty! What do I mean by that?

If it’s feasible, post that you need a writing break, even if it’s going to be indefinite. Take as many fucking breaks as you need to for your physical and mental health to be the best they can be (I’m not going to say great, as I know what it’s like to just have a ‘good’ health day mean ‘it’s less shit than it could be’).

But if the situation is really you only want to write with these one or two people, just say so! It’s your blog, you’re allowed to decide you’re closed for plots, asks, etc. Just don’t lead people on. Don’t say something and mean something else. Don’t keep reblogging your promo and really you don’t want to write, and you don’t plan on taking on new mutuals, and don’t plan on replying to dms or threads from anyone else.

I’ll repeat it a little differently to be sure it’s clear- you dictate your activity level and number of mutuals, when you answer asks, threads, etc. This should be at a level that is suited for you and your life, health, etc.

BUT when you engage in RP you are involving someone else’s free time with yours, and it is not fair to them to act like they do not matter. You have involved someone else. Until you disengage from them, be courteous.

I’ll give you an example. When you ask for that starter on both your dash, then DMs, and act super hyped, getting the other mun excited for it, and then they put the time and effort into writing it up and posting it for you, expecting a reply? Only for you to go and make new blogs and immediately ditch that muse without a heads-up? That’s not really fair to the other mun. You communicated you wanted to write this, you hyped them up, they spent their time and writing spoons on your starter...and then you told them other people were more exciting and a better use of your time.

“BUT I DIDN’T TELL THEM THAT!”

Okay, so you didn’t message them ‘Hey loser, your starter sucked, your muse is boring, and honestly, a different fandom is better! Bye!’ But your actions sure give that impression, and unless you communicate otherwise, it’s a shitty move.

Now yes, sometimes you genuinely forget a starter was written because you thought it was drafted and it wasn’t, dumblr is an ass and loses your draft and then you forgot it, something came up that day and bumped it from your mind, etc. NONE OF THESE ARE WHAT I AM REFERRING TO. I have ADHD, object permanence is the thing my brain does where often unless it’s directly in front of my face, it doesn’t exist, until I find it again. I’m aware these things happen, as are most muns, and we don’t mind! Hell, we usually have in our rules “hey if it’s been a hot minute and we haven’t replied to this, feel free to give us a little nudge to see if it’s been lost” because we all know between brains and dumblr’s everlasting fuckery...shit gets lost.

I’m talking about those times where you just up and leave someone hanging without communication. I’m also not saying it might even be on purpose. What I’m saying is you should consider how other muns feel when you do this, and if you cannot avoid it, at least communicate with them.

“Hey, I’m just no longer going to be writing this muse. Sorry I had you write that starter. Do you want to try something with this new one? This is where my brain is at right now.” “Hey I really can’t be online this month thanks to fill-in-the-blank but I do still want to write when I am able.” “Hey, I see you sent in that ask. I’m only interested in this one ship, and I won’t be taking on new threads, but you’re welcome to follow and maybe I’ll take on new threads later. I’m just writing with these two people right now.”

Communication is something that is a requirement in a collaborative hobby.

I know it can be scary. I know the mentality ‘well they reblogged that meme but it’s not for me, I know they said they want to plot but they don’t mean me’, but you really have to get past that when you roleplay to be fair to other people.

Spoiler alert: the examples of shitty behavior further above are what help feed this ‘that post/meme isn’t for me’ mentality, when you do those things you’re fostering people’s anxiety and rejection sensitivity...just saying.

If someone gets mad at you for communicating with them, they’re a shitty person and block them. Literally if someone has a problem with you for trying to start something, especially as mutuals, you’re losing nothing by not writing with them. Find nicer people. So don’t be afraid to communicate you can’t write currently, you need a break, you’re only writing with these certain people. And don’t be afraid to send in the meme. I promise you, the right people appreciate courteous communication. The ones that don’t...

Again, no one is saying put your life on hold for RP, you’re never allowed to narrow your scope, you’re supposed to always have writing spoons, you need to produce five replies a day or you’re wrong, you always need to log-in to communicate you had a family emergency/depressive episode/etc.

What I am saying, is if you are capable of communicating, respect the time and energy of your fellow muns who may also be very low on spoons and free time themselves, and be honest about where you are at when it comes to taking on new threads, new asks, new partners, etc. Treat others how you want to be treated, and consider you probably wouldn’t like being on the receiving end of the behaviors I’ve described. If you need to be on the clock being paid to be a nice person...please re-evaluate.

#rp help #rph #roleplay psa #rp psa #rpc psa #rp etiquette #general etiquette

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saigonharrington · 4 years ago

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nervous // g.w

Hi babes!

I’m finally posting the George fic that I was talking about and I am so excited for you to read it!

please, reblog if you like it, it helps me grow

disclaimer: my knowledge of werewolves is based only on a little internet research and the tv series named teen wolf, the episode named Anchors inspired me to write this

pairing: george weasley x werewolf!fem!reader

word count: 6k

Y/N - your name; L/N - last name; Y/F/N - your friend’s name

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, (kind of) panicking

summary: y/n is afraid of who she became, thinking that now she’s unlikable, but her new abilities prove her wrong, making her hear the boy’s talking and... the beating of his heart

“Hey, he’s staring again.” Your friend noticed the boy, who was standing across the hall with his brother and their friends.

Who was she talking about? George Weasley, of course, the person whose heart you could hear from miles away.

You met him a while ago, wandering through the halls at night, trying to sort some things out while he and his brother were bringing their another prank to life. Of all people attending Hogwarts, you bumped into them.

You never thought that someone, besides Prefects, would be seen in the corridors so you didn’t pay attention, focusing only on your thoughts. No wonder you got quite overwhelmed when you hit your head with something, and it definitely wasn’t a wall.

“Are you okay?” The redheaded boy asked you, worried about your well-being. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t take my eyes off that Zonko’s new item. Are you sure you are fine? I can walk you to madam Pomfrey.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me.” You said, looking at the moon. “I’m heading to my dormitory, don’t want to bother you and your brother.” You nodded at him, so he told you his name.

“I’m Fred. The more handsome one. Also, the funnier one, because I’ve just made out an amazing plan. Care to join us? I swear you will not regret it. ” He encouraged you, and you didn’t want to be rude, finally agreeing to go with them. A couple of minutes more outside the dorm can’t hurt you, right?

The thing is, you spent almost the whole night preparing pranks with them and idly talking, joking about Snape and Filch.

The problem is, you haven't talked with them since that accident. Sometimes you exchanged a few words in classes you had together but nothing more.

So then why did George have a crush on you?

You asked yourself that question many times since you first heard him confessing his feelings to Fred. Every time this boy got closer to you or touched you accidentally, his heart was beating so fast like a drum. Your heart has been just as fast as his, but he couldn’t know that. You didn’t even know if it was because you shared his feelings, or did just knowing what he feels towards you, made you that anxious.

“I know. I’m still not able to control these new super senses. I saw him a while ago. Not to mention that his heart makes my ears hurt. ” You admitted, holding your head because all these sounds were giving you a headache.

“Well, maybe if you’d finally talk to him, your senses wouldn’t be a big problem. Perhaps if you can’t manage to control them, you should ask someone who might help you. Go to professor Lupin.”

“But he doesn’t know that I’m a werewolf. I’m still not comfortable when someone mentions that. ” You said, scared of what you’d become. You knew that sooner or later you were supposed to reach for help, but you felt insecure and didn’t want to recall that night when you were bitten.

“He’s coming over here.” Your friend interrupted your thought, reminding you of George.

“No way, we have to run.” You started packing your bag, standing up from sitting on the bench.

“Too late.” She added, making you turn around.

“Hello girls, how’s your day?” He asked nicely, staring at you constantly.

“Bad.” You whispered.

“Getting better.” Your friend interrupted you, because she knew how much you wanted to walk away, and she couldn’t let you, knowing that you have to confront him anyway.

“Great, I wanted to ask you a question.” He pointed at you, smiling widely. “Would you go on a date with me?” He scratched his back, getting stressed. You heard his heart pounding, which made you even angrier. The sound was so loud that you weren’t able to hear anything other than that, feeling like you could pass out at any moment.

“She would love to.” Your friend took the lead, which made the boy wonder why you weren’t responding. “She’s just as stressed as you are. Sorry for speaking in her name, but she talked about you for so long. I hope you understand.”

“Oh, no worries. Meet me after the lessons on Friday. I’ll be waiting near to the great hall. ” He explained, addressing it to you, adding a short “see you later” after his brother called after him.

“You should thank me.” Your friend addressed you, asking you to sit down.

“Gosh, his heart was beating so fast. I couldn’t focus.” You told her, relaxing a bit. “And no, I will not thank you. Can’t you understand why I’m avoiding him? I thought I told you.”

“No, I can. I just think that you’re wrong. ” She told you, winking at you.

“Think about it. If he’ll find out who I am, he won’t talk to me again. I’d rather stare at him, being miles away and aware that he likes me too than admitting who I am and getting rejected, him not being able to look at me again.” You admitted, hearing your voice cracking slowly.

“You idiot. You really think that werewolves are some type of creature that cannot function normally? You’re here for centuries, managing everything somehow, I bet that there were werewolves married to Muggles, to wizards, and many more. Don’t think of yourself as a beast, some kind of unlovable creature. That’s not what you are. You’re perfectly normal. By the way, bold of you to assume that he’s the first one to judge and won’t accept you.” She gave you a speech, trying to cheer you up.

“That’s exactly what I think. Can you blame me? I’m still not used to this, I never really talked with any other werewolves.”

“Then stop! See, you’re also prejudging him. There’s only one way to find out what he’s thinking about you. You’ll tell him the truth. But for now, we have to find Lupin.”

—

You were not ready yesterday, so after your friend spotted Lupin, you decided to hide. You wanted to be prepared for every topic that he will discuss with you, deciding that you’ll ask him to stay for a little talk when the DADA lesson finishes.

“Can I speak with you for a moment, professor?” You asked, trying to sound quiet.

“Yes, you may. What’s the problem, miss L/N?”

“If you’re going to ask questions, then I might stay here for a little longer than ‘ a moment ’.” You joked, secretly being scared of admitting the truth.

“Anyway. As you may know, I am a werewolf. Before you ask, I prefer not to tell you how it happened. I’m still learning, and you’re the only one that came to mind. I thought that you might help me.”

“You should’ve come earlier. Weren’t you curious earlier about your abilities and how to control them?”

“I was. But I was also too afraid to say something. Werewolves aren’t considered as the nicest creatures, I wanted to avoid gossip. I still want to. ” You started a monologue, watching closely if Lupin is paying attention to you. “The main reason for me coming to have a little chat with you is not only to ask about my abilities. I’m invested in hearing. Because I cannot understand why some sounds are clearer and come to my mind often? What makes them so?”

“Do you have something specific in your mind?” He asked, being eager to help you.

“Someone’s heart beating. I mean, I hear a lot of sounds, but this one is haunting me, even if that person is completely in a different place. Am I losing my mind? Or did this happen to you as well?”

“This person is your anchor, then. The one who can calm you down, who can help you control all of your new skills. But it might change through the years, you don’t have one anchor for eternity. Everything is based on your feelings. ” Remus explained calmly.

“Who was your anchor? You don’t have to tell me if you’re not feeling comfortable with it, after all, I’m just another Hogwarts student. ” You asked out of curiosity, wishing that he will open up to you.

“It used to be someone who was my friend. I don’t think I have an anchor anymore. ” He answered, being rather peaceful and not bothered by it, however, you wanted to comfort him, asking for permission to hug him.

“You’ll find another anchor. You said that we can have it more than once, right? I bet that somewhere there is someone special, whose ability is to calm you down. ” You smiled shyly.

“Um, eh, we’re not here to be upset. Let’s focus on your issue.” He said, wanting to change the topic. “What you need to control your abilities is physical contact with that special someone. I can’t assure you that it will work after the first attempt, but it certainly might help.

“But that takes time, I think I was able to control most parts of it after months. Still, some things are not under my control. Anyway, don’t worry about that, everything has its flaws. If you’ll excuse me, I have an important meeting soon, I don't want to be late. If you want, we can meet again after one of my lessons.” Lupin bid you goodbye, making you leave his classroom.

As you were left alone, you started thinking about the conversation that happened seconds ago. It did not make sense to you.

How could George be your anchor?

Sure, you had a crush on him for a while, but nothing ever happened between you two. That one night, which you spent preparing pranks with twins was fun, nothing else. You decided to not make any more friends, because you remembered how Y/F/N reacted when you said that you’re a werewolf. So you drifted away not only for your own good, but also for his.

Why him? Why isn’t it your friend, or even someone from your family who is your anchor? And how are you going to explain it to him? “Hey, I’m a werewolf, and you’re the only one that keeps me sane? You have to stay with me forever, otherwise I might go crazy?”

No way. You couldn’t see it.

At the same time, George was calmly waiting for you next to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. He noticed that you stayed for a little talk with Remus, but he also was eager to talk to you.

Your date was supposed to happen tomorrow, and he wanted to make sure that you’re comfortable with him, and that you have something to talk about. He was afraid that maybe somehow tomorrow you guys will be stressed, so chatting the day before, no strings attached and just getting to know each other might lighten the mood.

“Hey.” He started the conversation without thinking about it. ‘Hey’? Couldn’t you think about anything better? Something more creative? Now she will think that you were stalking her, you dumbass, he thought, standing in front of you.

Never was he that close to you, or maybe just didn’t pay attention when you were around, but now he noticed the height difference between the both of you. He found it really hard not to kneel down, so he could see your eyes gleaming. Although he considered it cute and funny, he decided not to mock it. Well, not right now, since he had other reasons to talk to you and was so fixated about it.

“Hello George, what could have brought you here?” You asked, not bothering to look at him, because you would have to keep your head up.

“We just had the same lesson. I sit in front of you. ” He explained, thinking that you didn’t notice that detail. If the tall, ginger boy can be considered as a detail.

“Oh, I know. But the lesson ended 20 minutes ago. ” You said, wondering if he will say what he has in mind or will just play pretend.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you. Nothing deep, only to diffuse the tension before our meeting tomorrow. ” He scratched his head, walking slowly by your side.

“Meeting you say, and what’s that?” You teased him a little, finding it funny and adorable that he was afraid to use the word ‘date’.

“You know, when a group of people, two and above, meets somewhere. God, I was scared that I’m going to be the dumb one. Now I can relax. But I have to admit, I expected more from you. ” He joked, coping with his fear.

“Okay, so what’s the pre-meeting topic that made you come to me?”

“Actually…” He began, but you interfered.

“Shit. My friend is there.” You pointed at the end of the corridor, where she was talking with a Ravenclaw from your year. “We have to hide, I’ll explain.” You pushed him to the next door that appeared in front of you, finding yourself in Filch’s office. Great.

“Can you explain now? I thought that you like her. ” He asked out of curiosity.

“I do, but I don’t want her to interject in our conversation. Shh, I think someone’s coming. We should hide. ” You advised, being pretty sure that it’s Filch. Who else would come to his office? You made George hide behind the huge bookshelf, noticing how little space there was.

“You know, we could also say a spell to make us invisible.” He laughed at you, trying to find a comfortable position.

“Too late. Shut your mouth. ” You both tried to stay silent, hearing the sound of someone opening the door. George was almost sitting, because if he would stand normally, his head could be seen above the bookshelf.

His eyes were focused on you and your face in general, which made you hold your laughs way harder than you thought it would. If either of you made a sound, you’d end up in detention, and Filch would make sure that you get the worst punishment.

Fortunately, he only came to get one thing from his desk, so as soon as you heard the door shut, George suddenly moved, hitting his head on the shelf.

“Shh.” You said, listening closely to the steps that were getting closer.

“Ah, Mr. Norris, I forgot about you! But you didn’t have to hit the door so hard. I hope you forgive me. ” He said to the cat that stayed in his office, but this time he took it with him.

While they were going out of the office, you had to silence the boy, who was struggling because of pain. It was not your intention to show your werewolf abilities, however, he looked as it really hurt him, wanting to scream.

“Show me the back of your head.” You demanded, when the two of you went out of the hideaway. You slowly took his head with one hand, the other one intertwining with his fingers. He had no idea what you were doing. It was clever of you to take his hand, making it look like you were comforting him, while you took some of his pain away. Fortunately, you were wearing your long robes, so your veins were not visible. Otherwise, the boy would’ve seen how you were taking the sore, making the veins look blackish.

If it weren’t for your location and the cause of his headache, both of you would be on the way to the hospital wing. But how could you explain that George hit the bookshelf in Filch’s office? Well, you couldn’t. Good for you that the boy did not question your methods, he probably didn’t even notice the thing that you had done.

“That was weird. But also hilarious.” George admitted, laughing way too loud, when you carefully opened the door to check what’s going on outside the office. After you made sure that no one was staring, you took his hand again, making him go after you.

While wandering through corridors, you noticed it is almost empty.

“Why is no one here?” You asked, not expecting the ginger boy to answer.

“You know, I think everyone is having classes. We’re going to be late.”

“Oh no, we’re not going at all.” You replied quickly. “Not in the mood to get all the attention today, apparently the world is against me. We gotta be smarter, let’s play truant.” You tried to encourage George, but he already seemed to be in.

“That sounds great! Now I really do feel like we’re soulmates.”

“You doubted it? Wait, you never even mentioned that to me. ” You craved for an explanation, while George wasn’t so fond of telling you more.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a silly word. I intended to ask you something. Why didn’t you say anything when I asked for a date? Is it because you didn’t want to, or find me too intimidating?”

“Do you want the answer that will make you look bad, or do I have to take all the blame?”

“Depends which is the correct one.” He replied teasingly.

“I mean, I did think it was a little weird that you asked me, because after the pranks that night we talked only occasionally… how could I possibly be your soulmate? How could you grow to like me when you don’t know me at all? ” Yeah, you might regret that later, but you had to be honest.

“Merlin, I’m going to sound like a weirdo, but I do know you. At least I think so. You showed the real yourself that night, being careless and funny, besides in most of my classes I’m focusing on you, not the topic. I’m definitely sounding like a psycho, but you always sit in front of me or behind me, joking with your friend and I cannot help but hear more than a little and laugh quietly. I’ve liked you since that damn night and got to know you, in an unusual way, but still felt like we’re similar. That’s why I had to shoot my shot. Please don’t leave. ” He said, grabbing my hand, afraid of the vision that I might freak out.

“Can you shut up?” You replied in a harsh way, later realizing what you had done. “Shit, I didn’t mean… I just… you can speak. I’m just… Can you calm down? It sounds like your heart is going to run away from your body.”

“Am I sweating or what?” He asked, curious how did you notice that his heart was fluttering.

“Oh no I actually… I can hear your heart beating. Very, very fast. And that you’re swallowing now the gulp of saliva, because you’re scared. I even hear professor Flitwick explaining the cheering charm to the 3rd years. And that Hagrid is coming, I think he’ll appear in this corridor in two minutes.”

“Your eyes have just changed from their natural color. What is going on? Is something wrong? I am worried, I want to help you darling. ” He tried to comfort you, so you didn’t even notice the nickname. “Are you an Animagus? Metamorphmagus?”

“I’m a werewolf. I’m a werewolf, George. I’m so sorry, I know, I should’ve told you earlier. ” You admitted the truth, now being the one who’s afraid.

“No way! That’s so cool! I’m glad that I know! How many people know? Is this why you talked with Lupin? Can you show me your claws? And your transformation? ” The ginger got way too excited, so your job was to tone him down.

“Shh, remember that we’re in corridors, when we should be in classes. No one can know that we’re here. I’m so sorry for saying this, but I can’t show you. Not only is it irresponsible, but.. I can’t control anything since I was bitten. It might be because I’m that creature for the short term. I haven’t learned to control it yet, no one was kind enough to show me. Oh wait, the only werewolf that I know and trust is Remus and I told him the news just today.”

“But you told me that you hear my heart beating... It’s one of your abilities, right? ” He asked curiously.

“Yeah, it is. See, I either don’t know how to do things or they’re out of my control. I can smell like everything in this corridor right now, and trust me, when it’s mixed, it’s awful. I told you, I hear not only you, but even what’s happening in the charms classroom that is in front of us,” you took a deep breath, trying to gather your wits,

“I also see the flying lessons from that window and I can recall every face of the students that are now attending that lesson. The problem is, that I don’t want to. This information is totally not needed by me, but I can’t control it.”

“I can’t decide yet what I want to smell or hear… it’s really hard. That’s why I couldn’t answer you when you asked me on a date. I heard your heart, and it caused my headache, that’s why my friend took the lead and talked with you that day.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it! Now that I know what was happening, I can relax. Should I say sorry for the sound of my heart? I didn’t want to…”

“It’s okay.” You interjected, comforting him, while it’s you who needed the comfort. “It’s not that bad, since you consider us soulmates, me, remembering how your heart beat sounds, it’s quite romantic.” You smiled shyly, avoiding eye contact.

“Can I?” George started, but took a break, wishing that you know what he has in his mind. You didn’t, so you stared at him with interest. “Can I listen to your heart? I wish I could remember yours too.”

You nodded at him, but the boy was too awkward to start this. You took his hand, leading it slowly to your chest, getting out of your comfort zone.

“You know, maybe you should rest your head on me. It won’t look as weird as you're almost touching my breasts. ” You started laughing, wondering if you’re taking this too far.

“Alright then.” He got a little more confident, doing as you told him so. “And I was hoping that we were going to have sex.”

“And you’re my soulmate?? Man, I would never do it in public. In front of the charms' classroom? What if Flitwick or students… I can’t even say it. You’re something else, Weasley.” You patted him on his head, which was still resting on your arm.

“I was going to tell you something really important. But since you got too cocky, you’re gonna have to wait ‘til our date. ” You started, feeling ready to explain to him about the anchor. You didn’t change your mind, because you will tell him anyway. Since the two of you got way too comfortable around each other, you decided to tease him a little.

“Oh please, don’t leave me hanging on. I can give you… something. ” He tried to convince you, taking some sweets from his pocket.

“No way, I know what you’re giving me. It’s Zonko’s hiccough sweet. Won’t happen. ” You replied, declining his offer. The bell ringing made you realize that the lesson has ended and the two of you should hide or at least make an excuse why didn’t you show up to your classes. Not only for the teachers, but for the friends' curiosity. What were you going to say? It seemed easier to just disappear than explain everything.

“I’m sorry, but Fred is watching us and I think we have something to talk about.” George got up, waving to his brother. “See you tomorrow then? Please, don’t be late” He added, lending you a hand in case you wanted to stand up, but you kindly declined it, deciding to sit for a little longer.

“Where were you? I was freaking out until I noticed that George was also absent. Good for you that it’s the transfiguration you had missed, not potions. Snape would kill you, or make you clean his class. Now, tell me what happened. In detail, please. ” She begged you, making you sigh at that statement, knowing that you two will probably miss another lesson, talking about your new friend, or, more like, soulmate?

—

The date was about to begin in 30 minutes, you were sitting calmly in your dorm, listening to your friend’s rambling.

“What do you mean by saying that you have ‘a lot of time’? Is thirty minutes a lot? You aren’t ready at all! At least change your shirt.”

“Well, I wanted to dress up. Then I started thinking if I should wear something casual, since it’s just Friday night, and we’re staying in school, or should I wear something elegant, to make this date more serious. Next I had a little panic attack for the same reason. Finally, I decided that I’m not gonna dress up. Too much pressure.”

“So you’re going in the same clothes that you were wearing for the whole day?” She asked you, wishing you’ll decide to change.

“Yeah, I don’t want to make it official. We’ll see what is going to happen.”

“At least brush your teeth for Merlin’s sake! I bet this boy is ready for something more than listening to your heart. ” She joked, making you terrified.

“Damn, what if he really does? What If I won’t be able to control myself and change into a werewolf? That would be so humiliating.”

“No! I’m sorry, don’t panic. I think he’ll be excited to see you in that way. You mentioned that he was very cool about that. ” She tried to calm you.

“No, you don’t understand. I can’t control myself. What If I harm him? I don’t want to... If something like that happens, then for sure he won’t keep in touch with me. ” You said, pacing around the dorm to not freak out.

“Oh trust me, this boy is weird. And he likes taking risks. I bet that he will laugh about it and get excited. ” She summed it up, wishing that it might cheer me up.

Because of her, you finally decided to get up and change clothes. You still wanted to be comfortable, hoping that casual clothes would fit in that situation, whatever it may be that George has planned.

After saying goodbye to your friend, you found yourself in the corridors, walking slowly, focusing on breathing slowly. There’s no need to worry, right?

A couple of minutes later you noticed George, standing in front of the Great Hall, just as he said to you earlier, leaning against the wall. He was looking down at the floor, bouncing his head, probably to the song that he couldn’t get rid of. You did not want to interrupt, enjoying the view from afar, but you knew you had no choice.

“Stressed?” You asked him, watching as his eyes slowly looked upon you. “Not any longer. You came. ” He smirked, asking for permission to take my hand. “Why wouldn’t I? Yesterday was fun. ” You admitted, being curious where the two of you are heading to.

Before you realized you were outside of Hogwarts, George led you to the location where everything was prepared. You couldn’t help but wonder what he has in his mind. Is he worried that you may not like that? Is he excited to show you? Is it still a date or just a friendly meeting?

Seconds later the view was starting to get familiar the Black Lake was for sure mesmerizing, but what amazed you more was a huge, colorful blanket with so much food on it.

“Did you make it?” You asked, noticing that a flower crown was also laying on the blanket. “Which charm did you use?” The boy flushed at this question, feeling embarrassed.

“Oh, I didn’t use any charm. I got anxious after everything was prepared, so I had to get my hands busy. We were making flower crowns when Ginny was little, so I was worried that I might not do it properly, because it was long ago, but I’m actually proud of that one. ” George explained everything to you, starting to gain his confidence back, seeing that you liked what he had done. He helped you put it on your head, and then you sat down, looking at swans swimming in the lake.

“Do you think that we will eat everything? It looks like a feast for the whole school, or at least for one of the houses. ” The food in front of you was disappearing very, very slowly. Although George was eating all the time, the blanket was still full of all kinds of food. At first, you weren’t eager to try this food, knowing that George might have done something with it, but when he reached for the snacks, you followed his actions.

Talking with him was really pleasant, you felt weirdly comfortable around him, but still the anchor thing was haunting you. Sometimes you couldn’t focus, thinking how are you going to explain it to him. It wasn’t that hard to make words come out of your mouth. What worried you was the commitment. Do you have to be his girlfriend immediately after that confession? Does that strengthen the bond between you two? Or will it mean nothing to him?

You could admit that you liked him. A lot. But those words sounded like you expected him to be more than your friend, and you did not want to rush things. Maybe you’ll consider telling it to him after the date? Depends on if it’s going to be good or end awkwardly?

You decided to brush it off, asking out of nowhere.

“George, what’s like to prank people? Do you feel excited or embarrassed while making them?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never pranked someone.” He said seriously, but seeing your face made him realize that you weren’t joking as well.

“No way. We have to prank someone together. Get up. Plans are changed.” He ordered, making sure that you do what he told you to, and then throwing the spell that made the blanket disappear.

“Did someone get under your skin lately?” Weasley said, probably having the plan already made in his head.

“Filch is yelling at me every day. Apparently Mr. Norris is not fond of my Kneazle.”

“And you’re letting him treat you like that? We gotta do something.”

Going back to Hogwarts was quick and exciting. You never pranked anyone but you heard a lot of stories about the twins doing it, and having a chance to make it with one of them next to you, made you hope that it’s going to be fun. George decided that you’re gonna make a potion that will make Filch speak nonsense, it is Babbling Beverage.

To do this, you had to sneak into the potions classroom, which wasn’t the easiest task, but definitely the interesting one.

Joking with Weasley was really easy, this boy was a comedian. Spending time with him opened your eyes, that not everything has to be taken seriously in life. He could make fun of anything, yet you felt comfortable with him, because he knew when he should stop.

Collecting all the things needed to brew this potion created a silence between you two, because you focused on the responsibility to make it perfect. Considering the fact that neither of you were good in potions, doing all of this was a challenge. But you knew it was worth it. For all the things Filch said to you, offending you every day, you waited for the sweet, sweet revenge.

Finally, feeling ready, you broke the silence.

“George, I have to say something. Please don’t make fun of me.”

“No worries darling. I literally came to you and asked you out even though we didn’t talk much. If you didn’t make fun of me, then I won’t do it to you.” He admitted, taking the ladle out of your hands.

“How much do you know about werewolves?” You started slowly, not wanting to get to the point so quickly.

“Not much. Just that you and Remus are the ones. And that something happens when there’s a full moon. Do you want to say that I should learn more? Because I could do that for you. ” He replied, like it wasn’t a big thing, but it made you smile wide.

“Oh, you don’t have to.” You said, not wanting to put the pressure on him. “You know, there’s a thing called an Anchor.” You started, taking a deep breath to think what you should say.

“And what’s that?” He asked out of curiosity, wishing that you could explain everything now, because he hated living with the unawareness. “You can trust me.” He added, taking your palm in his and rubbing it slowly with his thumb.

“I don’t know how to say this. I’m nervous. It... it’s a thing, or a person... actually, it is a person, who can calm the werewolf. They don’t have to be next to the creature, just the thought of them makes the werewolf control everything, making them able to not transform into the beast... you know. ” You started messing up the words, feeling incredibly stressed, and the fact that George was staring deep in your eyes, didn’t help you at all.

“Sorry to bother you, but we have to wait one hour for this ingredient to get warmer. We can sit in the storeroom then.” He took off his jacket, putting it on the floor to make the place a bit more cozy.

You sat next to him, staying silent, knowing that when he interrupted you, it could mean that he’s not interested in the werewolf things. “What you said about the anchor... I think it’s pretty romantic. But why did you mention it to me?”

“Don’t make me say it Weasley. I really don’t want to. I don’t even think I can. ” You tried to make it obvious that it’s him, but he clearly wanted you to admit it out loud.

“No way, is it Snape? That’s why we’re sitting here? Or is it Filch? And you want to show him the affection through the pranks? You're a weirdo, Y/N.” He laughed.

“And you clearly don’t know what I have in mind.” You said, getting the confidence you gained lately.

“Do you mean you’re going to change tonight? Should I run? Or try to keep you calm? ” He was asking.

“If someone’s going to be that dumb, I might harm him. Just in case. ” You tried to tease him back, not wanting to say those words.

“Can I kiss you? These threats sound so hot when it comes out of your mouth. ” He asked, so you nodded quietly, watching as he was leaning closer. “Just don’t bite me, or do it. I would be the best werewolf, and the most handsome one. ” He whispered between the kisses.

“Your heart is so freaking loud. Maybe we should stop, we don’t want you to die or have a heart attack. ” You replied, showing that you care.

“We don’t? I didn’t know that. Also, I thought that you can’t hear it anymore. Since I am your anchor, and all you do right now is think of me...” he said confidently, admitting the things you were scared to say.

“Glad you finally understood. But it doesn’t work like that...” You were eager to explain everything once more, yet George had the courage to interrupt you again.

“Shh, we will have the time for talking. I’m now stuck with you forever, to be your Prince Charming and hero when you won’t be able to control yourself. But you are able now, and the night is long…”

“Don’t be so sure.” You interjected, moving closer and deciding to sit on him.

As George said, the night was long. The two of you forgot about the potion you were making, focusing on something else.

The worst thing was how easy the two of you fell asleep.

Snape seeing you that morning, sleeping, covered with your robes, was quite surprised. And furious. He yelled at you, making you wake up, not knowing where you are and what you were doing last night.

It was obvious that he’s going to serve detention for you.

But what could possibly go wrong, now that you have your anchor beside you?

tagging some people: @weasleysandwheezes @nerdyblogger06 @georgeweasley-whore @georgeweasleysbabe @asimpfortheweasleys

join my 100 followers sleepover

#harry potter #george weasley #george weasley x reader #George weasley fanfic #george weasley imagine #george weasley fic #george weasley fluff #please interact #please reblog

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maybebrilliant · 4 years ago

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My ridiculous fandoms:

I know, multifandom much?!

I have a LOT, although I will post mostly AoS shit. (I don’t make things for all of these, don’t worry lmao, mostly I just spectate and sometimes reblog stuff.) Up to know I’ve put them all up in my bio, but I’ve decided only to do the top, say, three, otherwise it just gets wayyy too long. However, I’m putting it all here, so that anyone, if they feel so inclined, can see what shit I’m interested in.

I will also be putting a bunch of my favourite quotes from the shows there, because, well, I’m a total nerd xD.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

”With great responsibility comes...a ton of weird shit you are not prepared to deal with.”

“The steps you take don’t have to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.”

“Sometimes, making a difference means being different.”

Star Trek: Discovery (sauce)

“You had me at unsanctioned mission...”

“Deal with me, universe, while I deal with her.”

And...(though this is not a real quote, exactly) Sauce Afirma Sauce Eterna. :)

Derry Girls

“If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me.”

“We got the gist. They ran out of spuds, everyone was raging.”

“Slainte, motherfuckers!”

Julie and the Phantoms

“Chill man, Street Dogs haven’t killed us yet.”

“I cried in a room for twenty-five years and didn’t get a single hug from either of you!”

“Oh. She said oh. That’s what you say if you get socks on your birthday, not when you’re invited to join the most epic band ever!”

Brigerton

“Having a nice face and pleasant hair is not an accomplishment. Do you know what is an accomplishment? Attending university! If I were a man, I could do that, you know.”

“You would actually have to be interesting for me to bother spying on you"

“All is fair in love and war but some battles leave no victor, only a trail of broken hearts that makes us wonder if the price we pay is ever worth the fight.”

Simon Snow series

“You were the sun, and I was crashing into you.”

“Sharing a room with the person you want most is like sharing a room with an open fire. He's constantly drawing you in. And you're constantly stepping too close. And you know it's not good--that there is no good--that there's absolutely nothing that can ever come of it. But you do it anyway. And then... Well. Then you burn.”

“I'd cross every line for him. I'm in love with him. And he likes this better than fighting.”

Avatar the Last Airbender

“Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not.”

“My first girlfriend turned into the moon.” “That’s rough buddy.”

“Why am I so bad at being good?”

Harry Potter

“It’s leviOsa, not levioSA!”

“I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

“Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.”

The Queen’s Gambit

"I Would Say It Is Much Easier To Play Chess Without The Burden Of An Adam's Apple."

"I'm Not Your Guardian Angel. I'm Not Here To Save You. Hell, I Can Barely Save Me."

“Again?”

Once Upon A Time

"That's How You Know You've Really Got A Home. 'Cause When You Leave It ...There's This Feeling You Can't Shake. You Just Miss It."

"Sometimes The Best Teacup Is Chipped."

"All Magic Comes With A Price."

The Good Place

“I’m just not a ‘new experience’ kind of guy. My comfort zone is basically like, that chair, and honestly? The arms are a little sharp.”

“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is, if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from? That’s my answer.”

“We do nothing. We hope that our early successes make up for the embarrassing mess we’ve become. Like Facebook. Or America.”

Community

"We'll definitely be back next year. If not, it'll be because an asteroid has destroyed all human civilization. And that's canon."

"GAAYYY MARRIAAGEE!!"

“Our Captain was killed on duty tonight. Leaves behind two kids and a pregnant wife. So you’re missing a Batman DVD?”

Zoey’s Extraoridnary Playlist

“Who wants some freshly delivered, slightly cold, mediocre pizza?”

“Songs are all just an expression of our deepest wants and desires… Joy, pain, heartbreak, yearning, forgiveness, revenge. Good music can make you feel things you can’t express in words.”

“I just found out a guy I like is engaged, and I am either going totally nuts, or I suddenly can hear people’s innermost thoughts as big musical numbers.”

The Old Gaurd

“Depends on the century.”

“You're an incurable romantic...”

“SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!”

Merlin (BBC)

“Merlin should take some of the credit, turns out he’s not always entirely stupid.”

“Are you saying I’m fat?” -Arthur | “No, I’m saying the belt is one hole shy away from perfection.”

Artemis Fowl

“I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.”

“We lost the crickets,” she said. “Even you can’t make that sound tough.”

“I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.”

How To Train Your Dragon

“ Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile!”

“You just gestured to all of me.”

“Toothless, what are you doing? We need her to LIKE us!”

The Dragon Prince

“I’m just a kid. I haven’t fought in any battles. I haven’t read many books of wisdom. I haven’t gone through the things that made my father the king he was. So I’ve decided that I don’t have to be the king my father was. My father made choices to keep fighting battles that started hundreds of years before he was born. To punish enemies for crimes their parents committed! I don’t want to be that kind of king.”

“The dragon prince is alive! And he’s really cute, by the way.”

“What? WHAAAAAAAT!”

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”

“The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”

“Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.”

sorry for the five I couldn’t choose only 3

But there you have it, my insane, ridiculous, way-too-many fandoms. For anyone who cares. ;)

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alphaofdarkness · 4 years ago

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not me here for the oc ask ! can't wait to answer the ones you asked me, tomorrow i have my exam and then i shall live again haha ! but now i'll ask you 1, 2, 17, 18, 19, 20 and 31 — i know, it is a lot ( you don't have to do them all 💕) , but i really want to know something more about your wonderful babies and Dany ofc ! I missed her sm during this semi-hiatus 🤧💕💕💕 hope you're doing fine, sending you lots of love 💞💕💘

@carmenio Edgy!! 🥺 so happy to hear from you! ✨ I love these kinds of asks, especially on my many, many OC babies! I hope these answers are good and interesting to thee! I’ll present more info on Dany to some way, some how cause I love her 😭💖

I have gone and included the other questions you asked as well! 🤗 Let’s dive in! 😳

1. Gone and Answered Here ! UwU

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

Personal favorite is often shown in the one I draw the most lol, which for a long time was Danielle LWW, but just because she was also my wolfsona at the time. After I made my own personal one I think I went onto Sam for a good while, also eventually going to Dany from Bsd!

So a tie between two beautiful girls, Sam is definitely my favorite LWW Oc, she is just precious and the one I hold the most and most always feel terrible and bad when I put her through it TM.

Also Dany is my self insert, U//w//U, she has definitely allowed me to slowly self love and allow me to appreciate myself, especially the parts of me I didn’t think to much about or consider so appealing, I think? She has definitely been changing gradually into more of myself since I first came up with her almost 2 years ago! Watch me slowly knock her down to my height of 4′9″, let her have her 3 inches for another year maybe lol.

My dearest Atsushi agrees lol ✨🐯

17. Any OC OTPs?

👀 lol yesss~ so many and so many crack ships too, which I'll answer next 😂

I’ll just go on and list them off, plenty more of them but~:

DanyJay

SoraYama

LidiaTom

AlikLucy

IsabelleKayla

AlexanderIsabelle

DarkwolfmonJatomon

JatamonRaiwolfmon

EarthamonHounmon

HumaamonWolverimon

And lastly TakaSam is the one I have definitely drawn and thought of the most! They are the top OTP and just best trope of Childhood Friends to Lovers trope, also filling in that trope of Oblivious to both of them but everyone else 🙄. While SoraYama may have been the OG Couple in my story, my love and warmth for TakaSam is unmatched TwT.

It is wild cause I always draw anguish between them as could-have-been-lovers-had-it-not-been-for-death, but recently been drawing them purely happy and content. Total sweethearts, the love everyone wants, excluding possibility of being old friends or not!

18. Any OC crackships?

L o l, I never seem to focus on the main couples because of this specific thing.

I’ll again just go off in list an maybe add a trope or something to get an idea of them:

DanyYama: Rivals, Constantly arguing, and can be petty as heck, but oh the potential and just possibility of opening up after the traumaTM 👀 also the couple that is always in your face about being in a relationship.

DanySora: Sparing partners, the sass and stubbornness, BiPan solidarity 👀

DanyLidia: Pure, wholesome, best friends and so much hugging and lifting from the tol to smol, the nature love vibes

SamJay: Wholesome, soft, healing together from traumaTM, protectiveness, also their Digimon were lovers and married in their previous life, what does that make us? 😳

SamDany: Mostly sibling-like relationship, but damn they have that Sun and Moon tropes?! How can you not possibly ship them!

SamLula: Shy and Confident, Bisexual/Lesbian solidarity 💕✨

JaySora: Opposite of the DanyYama tropes, why are our partners constantly arguing, can they please stop, pure and soft together.

DanyTaka: Digimon Au specifically, Oh you and I are the voice of the revolution? We are rallying up the troops together? Oh boi my Digimon feels love for yours, am I falling for you or are we falling together? Depression buddies but also each others hope and spirit boost ;;w;;

Any of the Warriors with the Sins: A whole lo t of mess, and just not healthy ... but I can already seen fandom people sayin g otherwise~

LustWrath: Spicy, no strings attached kind of deal.

WrathEnvy: ...Oof um, not healthy, kind of manipulative, we are devils there is nothing but toxic vibes.

PrideWrath: Rulers, King and Queen vibes, Yeah we are toxic for each other, f*** off.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Definitely Darkwolfmon! I am sure I explained in the first question why, but again I consider her to be that other half of me, the part of me I never discovered or the parts that essentially fill in the gaps within me. She is my precious partner Digimon and has honestly come a long, long way since I first created her. I believe sometime in 2009-2010, so almost 11-12 years since. She was the first ever OC of mine and is one I hold closest too in my heart.

For the longest time, even too now, I have always wanted her to just manifest at my side. Go on this journey of life together. While she might not be physically here like my child-self would want, she is still in my stories, my imagination, my inspirational drive. I think that is definitely more than enough, I don't know where or who I would be without having created her. I probably wouldn’t have a whole tale of OC’s and stories to tell if it wasn't for her.

I am more than grateful and thankful that I am who I am because of this lovely Oc of mine. I can only hope to have her at my side for the rest of my days!

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Most, if not all, my OC’s can sing! Their voices and tones vary, to which I cannot give a straight answer on how I headcanon most of their voices right now ^^; I will say that Danielle has a British accent to her voice as well as Spanish speak, and Sora has a Russian accent to her voice, so may be just lightly deep, but not to much.

I will definitely go with my Bsd Oc/Self Insert Danielle Mika Mason, however! Because I have gone and done a thing on how she would speak in her Japanese and English Dub! Other than me also being her voice, her Japanese VA would be Yui Ishikawa, same VA of the queen herself, Mikasa 💕 English VA would be Barrett Wilbert Weed, with an English accent, good Veronica from the Heathers! You can have a listen to her here in this post!

Dany is meek when it comes to her singing, she will often be caught humming and softly singing something, but quickly tends to stop around others. She is often back and forth with how she sounds and often shuts down when she hears someone she considers better than her. She just needs some encouragement and a gentle push from someone she really cares about. When she does feel the push and genuineness from someone she will sing her heart out. But of course prefers to sing for only that one special person~ can ya guess~ 🐯

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really).

Oh boi! I literally have moodboards to add to this! I pick Samantha, or Sam!

She would totes have a Tumblr blog, and Instagram! You always look forward to see what she post and just feel an instant calmness and warmth when you see it! She is always tagging her things appropriately, a soft and warm spring like layout that is shades of yellows, golds, orange, white; an occasional blue and teal as well! She would reblog anything of her aesthetic, golds, yellows, dance and ballet related things (may even post videos or poses of herself in practice and dance related things), cafe shops, sweets and desserts, warm night lights, cats, lots and lots of cats and felines of all shapes and sizes! Her best friend/boyfriend, Takaru always cameos in her stories and posts 💖

She would also reblog or spread awareness of any issues happening in the world, marking them and making her own voice heard as well. In spur moments, you may see her not tag things, but will likely go back to name things accordingly. She would also reblog anything of Bi Pride too!

28. Your most dangerous OC?

Hmmm,,, my most dangerous Oc, I am taking the notion that they are just plain dangerous and likely of evil intent in their actions. Because plenty of my Oc’s on their own are dangerous in their own right, such as the Legendary Wolf Warriors, who have a great power at their paws. They can be destructive in their actions if they lose control or use it for the wrong intentions, which they wouldn't do of their free will.

I will say Danielle and Sam are the strongest of the seven, because of their powers of Darkness and Light, respectively. Their souls created the others, so the other Warrior’s power does not match theirs. They can definitely be lethal together if used for the wrong reasons or if they are under the control of a Human or Deadly Sin.

Which leads me to say that the most dangerous of my OC’s with the worst intentions and evil thought processes that makes them dangerous is likely the Deadly Soul Sin Pride, or Mikka Penelope King/Pride as her solid name goes.

She is definitely the most sinister of the seven sins, even worse than Wrath, who you may figure would be the worst. She has a calculating mind and is very precise in her actions and ways of manipulation. She has a poison within her veins that is just as deadly, capable of blinding others or even killing without remorse or care. While she may be a ghost like entity in my stories, a person/digimon holder in my Digimon College Au, she has enough power to influence people to fall under pride and vanity in the most dangerous level possible, heck even possess them if she wishes. That makes her stronger, as well as the other sins. Does not matter if she is dead or fades away for a while, her influence remains and if it does, than she can exist for a long as she desires.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Lol I saw cinnamon roll and instantly had a list of ocs ready, honestly any child OC I have is instantly a cinnamon roll and to good and put for this world, please treat them all kindly!

Current top Oc’s that come to mind are Haruko Mason-Nakajima, along with their nameless sister/pup! They are the sweetest babies ever and love them so much. Too good and pure, especially nameless pup with her love for tigers; she wants to grow up and be like her sibling and papa 🥺🥰 You can see the post on them here!

Next up is my precious flamey boi named Alik Azure Mizuhara! A next gen. LWW, son of Sora and Yamato! A little sightless boi with the softest heart and warmest empathy for others. Very much like his mother in likeness and pure curiosity of the world’s secrets and tales. His father worries for him a lot, but gradually learns to trust in his ability to guide himself. Don’t worry too much about him, he is very smart and knows how to care and guide himself!

Thank you so much for the time and questions you asked me Edgy! I had so much fun with these and gave me a chance to gush about my dearest OC’s! I do hope you find them of interest! 🤗🥺🥰

May your day be beautiful and amazing!! 🥰✨💖

#alpha's art #alpha howls #oc ask questions!#long post #the legendary wolf warriors #bungou stray dogs #bsd oc #danielle mika mason #carmenio #edgy is passing by... ✨

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bumblebeug · 5 years ago

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Felinette. Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me Pt.2

Hello everyone, so I am not sure if I should create an entirely new post for the next part or just reblog and add on. This chapter is entirely based around Marinette and Tikki after day one.

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Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me Pt.2

Marinette slumped into her desk chair, grateful that the day had flown by uneventfully besides the new student’s arrival and with no major incidents. Finally, a good day amidst the bad ones. Absently, she toyed with a nearby scrap of cloth. Perhaps being in the back had its perks after-all.

Her nail caught on a loose thread.

Certainly, being so far away from her friends also meant that she was far, far, away from Chloe -- who was too lazy to pick fights across the classroom with her. A definite bonus.

Slowly, she pulled the errant thread free and flicked it away.

Being in the back meant that she got the best view of all her classmates antics without being under any scrutiny herself. And! And, sitting near the window meant that she had a bird’s eye view of the courtyard. It was so much better to be there to monitor any akuma activity that might occur at school.

She stroked the newly created fringe.

She was less distracted.

She pinched at the fringe and dragged it between her fingers with her other hand.

No Nino meant that she wasn’t constantly getting invited to group activities. Activities that would upset the balance between superhero work and study time. She could always use more study time. No Adrien meant that she wasn’t distracted by, well, everything about him. Now she was finally able to get through a lesson without getting too frazzled to think straight. And no Alya meant that there was no ladybug talk. It was always so hard not to react to hearing things about herself. Best of all, she was wasn’t subjected to listening to Alya defend all of Lila’s actions or accuse her efforts of saving herfriendsfromalyingmanipulatorasjealousy!

The cloth in her hand ripped into two uneven pieces. She held back a sob.

Honestly, being away from everyone was an improvement. It wasn’t like they wanted her around, so the distance was welcome. Really.

Each fist tightly gripped a piece.

“Marinette!”

She heard Tikki’s voice a half-second before she appeared, nibbling on a cookie just out of reach of the keyboard, ever mindful of keeping the crumbs out of hard to reach areas. “Oh, hey Tikki,” Marinette said absently, consciously unclenching her hands, “I see you’ve already found yourself a snack.” She smoothed the frayed pieces on her lap and looked at them critically (glad for the distraction from her thoughts)- they were too small to be used in any designs. However, she contemplated, they were such a lovely turquoise colour; one of the scraps was just large enough to keep as a colour swatch, she’d just have to sew a little border to prevent further fray...

“--even listening?” Tikki’s voice broke through her thoughts.

Marinette ducked her head in shame, “..No, sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. You have my full attention now.” She placed the scraps aside and swiveled her chair to better face the kwami. Tikki shook her head in such a way that Marinette couldn’t tell whether it was in fond exasperation or true annoyance at her absentmindedness. She found that she didn’t care to know.

“Wait!” Marinette held up a hand just as Tikki was about to speak, “Do you think that the whole class is better off now that I’m in the back?”

From past experience, Marinette knew that it was better to get what was bothering her out in the open, rather than leave it to fester. Despite asking and knowing it was better to know, her fingers itched to grab another piece of cloth - anything to distract her from the answer. She forced her hands to remain still in her lap. She meant it when she said that Tikki would have her undivided attention even if she didn’t want to particularly hear the answer.

Tikki cocked her head to side, considering, “Well...” she drew out, “I don’t really get to see what’s happening in the class while in your purse, but” she tapped her paw to the side of her head, “there have been fewer akumatizations since the move. So...maybe?” she finished with a small shrug.

Marinette hugged her knees to her chest, “Yeah...that’s what I was thinking too.” she dolefully replied. She tugged at her pigtails before crossing the room to gaze at her class photo.

“Oh, Marinette,” Tikki flew up to nuzzle her chosen, “You should be happy that there are fewer battles.” she finished softly.

Lightly tracing her happy smile on the wall, she bit her lip, “I know. And I am. Happy about dealing with fewer akumas, I mean.” She elaborated, “But it’s hard knowing that it happened because I got moved away from everyone.”

A tap on her cheek drew her gaze to Tikki’s eyes. “Marinette, you know that being a hero means sacrifice. Sometimes it means sacrificing what makes you happy in the short term.”

Marinette drew a breath in, she knew that being a hero meant sacrifice, but up until now she had thought that sacrifice meant her time, not her friendships. Slowly she released her breath, trying to expel some of the sadness she felt with it. It didn’t work as well as she hoped it would as she dully repeated, “Short term. Until I defeat Hawk Moth, you mean?”

“Not necessarily,” Tikki’s antennas twitched beneath her fingers, “There are levels of sacrifice. Besides, you don’t have to sit next to someone to remain friends with them - look at Mylene and Ivan - they’re a couple even though they sit in different rows from each other.”

A smile wormed its way onto Marinette’s face as Tikki spoke, “Just because you are distant physically doesn’t mean that you have to be distant emotionally as well.”

“True.”

“And I think that you are forgetting something important.” Tikki sing-songed.

Marinette jauntily placed her hand on her hip, “Oh yeah? What?”

“You aren’t alone anymore! A new student means a new friend!” Tikki threw her arms wide open in exuberance, “A new exciting bond to create!”

Marinette’s smile faltered slightly, “I... don’t know Tikki. Is it smart to try and make a new friend? I don’t know how well I’d handle myself if I gained a friend only to lose them immediately after.”

“That’s a silly worry,” Tikki reassured, “Like they say, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained’. Promise me you’ll try?”

Marinette rubbed her arm as she stared past Tikki to her pictures. Was it worth the heartbreak? Or the awkwardness if she got rebuffed? Plus, she didn’t speak aloud, does he even want friends? He seemed pretty relieved when she kept it short, professional, and impersonal today. She nodded to herself. Maybe it was for the best.

Upon seeing the nod, a satisfied Tikki gave her one last pat on the cheek before drifting away.

“More like,’ Marinette thought, “Nothing ventured. nothing lost.”

---------

I’m gonna be honest. I meant this to be way shorter, but Marinette and her thoughts asked really politely to have a large part in this chapter. In short, Marinette and Tikki are no longer on the same page. I’m really chuffed that everyone read the first part. So here's to having another part posted before the weekend! Cheers!

(Feedback is welcome!)

Feedback is welcome

Part One

Part Three

Part Four

#ml salt #ml felix #miraculous of salt #miraculous fanfic #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #marinette deserves better #felix culpa #marinette and tikki only #tikki salt #future math?#story part 2 #posting again because I don't know how to link posts #learning curve #felinette #nbehtm #nbehtm_pt2

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florencefallons · 4 years ago

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Life and Stuff

August 10, 2020. The the first day of the most insane month of my life. Of course it would happen in 2020. I hope you’ll forgive me for using this platform as a means to get the thoughts jumbled around in my head out into a more organized form. I rarely ever even use this platform anymore. When I do, it’s to reblog pictures of Carol Burnett or Barbara Stanwyck. The occasional Emma Thompson photo. Never to sit down and spill out everything on my mind into what, very likely, will become a novella on its own.

I’m not a prolific speaker. I trip over my words. I say “um,” and “uh” a lot. My brain is moving at twice the speed of my mouth and my poor mouth can’t keep up. Therefore when I have things on my mind, like I do today, I can’t just talk about them. A) Who would I talk about it to? and B) Even if I had a place to talk about these thoughts, it would come out all jumbled up and I’d end up sounding totally ridiculous and having said nothing I wanted to actually say.

When it comes to expression, writing is where I’ve always excelled. Excelled is a strong word, but when you compare it to other forms of self expression, it’s the only form I am able to use proficiently. I don’t have a vlog or a youtube channel. I don’t have a blog that reaches people. I have no voice. No influence in this world. But I have this platform and it allows for posts like this, and for once, I’m going to use it.

As I said, August 10, 2020 was the first day of the most insane month of my life. More has happened to me in this one month span than has happened to me at any other time in my life...and you’re hearing from a person who was injured on the job and has had a fractured spine and 13 surgeries. I’ve been through some stuff. Nothing with the intensity and frequency this month has thrown it at me though. This month has resulted in seven major events that have deeply impacted my life in some way. Nobody is being forced to read this. In fact I expect most will see its length and scroll past it faster than a fundraising ad for Donald Trump. I do hope SOME of you will take the time to read it though. I’m mainly writing it for posterity. To have a place where this month is recorded, so I can come back someday and remember it. So, with that being said, here are the things that have happened (or are soon to happen) in this 1 month span. Listed in chronological order.

1) August 10, 2020. I was in my 2nd week of work at the new clinic our hospital opened. Working for the largest hospital and clinic system in the state, sometimes our clinics outgrow our ability to contain them. My job was in the neurology clinic. I worked as the nurse who took care of all the multiple sclerosis doctors and nurse practitioners, while answering all the patient questions, emails, and voicemails. We’re looking at about 2,500 patients on the generous side of the estimate. Needless to say, I was busy. It was said many times by coworkers, by the doctors I worked with, and--admittedly--by me, that the job was a two-person job. It was too much for one person to handle. I was drowning fast in a mountain of paperwork that needed to be filled out, messages that needed to be answered, phone calls that needed to be returned. I’d accomplish finishing, say 25% of the work, and 50% more work would come in. I was at the end of my rope.

--Let me interject here by saying that, over the course of the 16 months I worked this job, I had to start seeing a psychiatrist, I had to start psychological therapy with a licensed therapist, and I was started on no less than 5 new psychiatric medications. Once the correct balance was found, I was reduced down to only 2, but regardless, I think this fact alone proves the point that the stress of the job was getting to me.--

I finally looked at the mountain of work in front of me and I broke. I set up a meeting with my boss, the director of nursing for all of the neuroscience service line (that covers 6 clinics). We met, and I told her “You told me to be open and honest, and to come to you whenever I have an issue.” She agreed. I went on to tell her that I was losing my mind. The workload was entirely too much to hold over one person and needed help. Desperately. I was constantly being interrupted by people needing help with this or that, which was fine. I don’t mind helping anyone, I love it...but it took away from the time I had to do my already overwhelming job. I may have cried some, I don’t remember.

Her solution was probably the worst idea ever put forth, but I was so devastated and down and overwhelmed, I didn’t really even hear anything she said after I spoke my piece. Her suggestion was that, if our clinic was too hectic for me, I needed to transfer to the new clinic. It was an epilepsy clinic but we had 2 multiple sclerosis providers there too, so I could go there and be the MS nurse there. At that moment, that sounded like a great idea. Fewer people=less stress. Yeah, no. Once she sent me over there, she decided with me being there, they had no need to keep our patient care tech there. So she took her away and made her work at the main campus, where they have tons of patient care techs. That left me and another nurse who, due to a bad knee, did very little that tinvolved getting up off his ass and helping out with goings on in the clinic. He much preferred to sit in his fancy chair and delegate duties to me from there. I was younger, I was newer, and he was--in his mind--the charge nurse.

So, thus began the saga of my doing at the new clinic, the job that THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE did at the main clinic. I was forced to triage (get into a patient room and go over everything to make sure it was up to date) every patient, draw labs on every patient, all while trying to do the job I was ACTUALLY hired for, which was answering phone calls and returning messages. Which was a full time job on its own. Needless to say, my “new’ duties took all that time away and all my stuff went unanswered. I kept getting harassed by patients and managers that stuff had been sitting waiting too long to be done.

Mr. Charge nurse, from his chair he never left, didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. “It’s not that bad here” he’d say. Sure, if you never have to get up and do anything, but for me, it’s very hard. I have to do all the job of a PCT (getting paid nurses’ wages by the way) along with a job just as busy as the one you’re having to do. I’m expected to do as much if not more in the computer as you do, yet I never have time to touch it because I’m always triaging patients (half of which are YOURS) and drawing all the labs. Well of course he disagreed and said he helped and I was overreacting. By that he means he maybe got up once or twice a day because someone needed attention and I was still busy in another patient’s room. My boss would berate me, asking why my inbox was sitting there so full and nothing was being done.

“WHEN DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THESE THINGS *Insert her name here*??? I spend my entire day, I mean my ENTIRE day, doing the job of a PCT and you’re paying me to do the job of an RN. “Well, *insert his name* says he helps you.” That’s a damn lie and he knows it. He thinks that he’s the charge nurse, he’s older, and he has a bum knee (mind you I have my entire lower half of my spine fused so don’t give me that “I have hardware in my knee” bullshit. I’m full of titanium too. Fight me.) Well, help was refused, the other nurse was just told to try and help more and that he was not the charge nurse, that our clinic didn’t HAVE a charge nurse since there were only 2 of us. Well, he got so butthurt over that, he interviewed for a new job in the same building as our main clinic. He was offered the job. He was getting ready to give his notice and I was literally at the end of my sanity. So I turned in my notice to my manager on August 10, 2020. I told her I couldn’t keep doing the job of 3 people by myself and it was too much I was through. My doctors begged me to stay. She asked if I was sure that’s what I wanted. I said it wasn’t what I WANTED, but I can’t keep working like this. So I really don’t have a choice. “Well we don’t have the staff or money allocated to give you a tech if you’re over here.” So I shrugged, said I was giving her 4 weeks notice and I’d have to leave.

This was a Monday. On Wednesday, she came back and not only gave our tech back, she gave (*insert his name here*) everything he wanted, because she’d caught wind he was getting ready to leave too and she’d have no nurses at the clinic. I told her I’d retract my resignation if she would let us keep our patient care tech, because with her, I have time to actually do my job. She all but said “OK” and to give her a definite answer on Monday. So I did. Monday I told her I’d stay since we had adequate help. Well apparently she discussed thsi with her boss and came back at me with “Sorry, but all we can accommodate is an as needed position or you can extend your leave date and stay on full time until your replacement is hired and you can train them to make the transition easier.”

Are you freaking serious, bruh? “As needed” meaning “free reign to fire you with no consequences when we don’t want you anymore, plus all my benefits would be taken away.” Or, I could “stay and help train my replacement.” Are you out of your mind? Then what? Fuck off into the sunset, your job here is finished? I think I’ll take a hard pass on both those options. My last day will be September 4.

So, while going through all this I was being tested and was diagnosed with not one, but two life-altering disorders.

2) First, I was diagnosed with severe attention deficit disorder. I was told I’d actually had it my whole life based on testing and had never been evaluated or treated. This would have been the 1990s when this started, and I found out my parents were approached about the possibility I had ADD. I made excellent grades, but had major problems with impulse control and talking too much and paying attention. My parents dismissed this suggestion. They did not--and to this day still did not--believe ADD was a real diagnosis. They said ti was nothing more than kids who needed their asses beat and they’d learn to behave. I could not possibly be one of those hyperactive kids who suck in school and just all-around do poorly. I did too well in school. I was told to pay attention more and stop goofing off. I was threatened with spankings if I messed up. So I worked really hard to stop my impulses from taking over. And I did, some, but not always. I got punished quite a bit for things I did in school. Not on purpose, but it’s how I was. And now, as an adult, I was still struggling with impusle control and with paying attention. I still struggled in prioritizing tasks and organizing things. I could never figure out why my brain wouldn’t let me do those things. My PCP said I had ADD--he KNEW it--but I had to be diagnosed by a licensed psychotherapist. So I went and was diagnosed. And it changed my world. It was a lot to process, knowing what I went through as a kid and knowing the punishment I went through for something that was not my fault. I wasn’t abused, I wasn’t mistreated. If I’d been treated for ADD as a child though, I might not have just done well in school, I might have kicked ass. I might have been valedictorian rather than 6th in class to graduate. That was hard to swallow. Yet a relief at the same time.

3) Went to the sleep clinic and got a take-home sleep apnea study kit. It came back positive for sleep apnea. My oxygen was dropping to 70% at night, which is basically hypoxic, and the reason I’m probably so sleepy all the damn time. As soon as I get home from work and get settled, I fall asleep for at least an hour, maybe 2. I haven’t always done that. I used to have trouble sleeping to the point I needed Lunesta for help (although the taste was so bad I rarely took it).Sure enough, I need CPAP when I sleep to help keep my oxygen over 92%. They told me I’d feel better almost instantly. So I’m hoping to go see them next week about getting my machine.

4) My friend’s little 4-year-old niece died. She was a special, miracle child who touched so many lives it’s insane. She was a beautiful soul. I never met her but her death affected me profoundly because her aunt posted so many photos and videos online. I felt like I lost one of my godchildren or something. It hurt. I can’t imagine what they are going through.

5) My uncle Jerry died. The day after the little girl I just mentioned. I can’t even attend HIS funeral due to COVID and the risk of contamination. My mom is on a chemo drug for an autoimmune disease that destroys her immune system. So we’re trapped away from everyone (if I want to see my mom that is).

6) My last day of my job was today, September 4, 2020. It finally came, my time there is done. 16 months of hard work down the toilet. Because of poor management, shitty leadership, lack of care or respect for employees, etc. I offered to stay, but my offer was rejected as it was given. It just served to remind me I made the right decision, even if it was a bit rash. Several others have quit or gotten fired so staffing will be interesting. My old “charge nurse” is about to learn what getting off your broad butt and helping is all about now. They aren’t sending him ANY nurses to help him next week. I’ll be honest, I hope the whole thing blows up in (insert name here)’s (my director’s) face. she is trying to run the neuro clinic like she runs her other clinic--which is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I thought she’d be good for the clinic, turns out she wants to get rikd of EVREYONE who has FMLA-Anyone who has permission to be off work without fear of repercussions. She wants a bunch of “as needed” staff so she doesn’t have to hire full time people, she doesn’t have to pay anyone benefits, and she can get rid of them whenever she likes “your as needed position is no longer needed,” without going through all the bullcrap red tape the state puts you through to fire anyone. Anyway, bottom line, today was my last day at a job that--the job itself--I loved. The patients I loved, the doctors and nurses I loved, and my coworkers I loved. I have never left a job I loved. It was 100% management. My main doctor, the medical director of the service line, did not want me to leave and keeps asking me to say. I had to explain to him I tried, but they refused. Broke my heart. He’d take me back in a minute though, if the situation at the clinic ever changes. I hope it does. He was the most brilliant, kind, generous, respectful, patient, and dedicated man I’ve ever met. He taught me a lot. I’ll take a lot of what I learned from him with me wherever I go.

7) The final thing has not happened just yet, but it will be very soon and I’m already dealing with it. So September 7 is the 1 year anniversary of the death of my best friend. I still miss her like it was yesterday. Time has, as they say, healed some of the wound, but not all. Every now and then I get slammed with the realization she’s gone. I’ll never see her again. Talk to her. Hug her. Laugh with her. Ever. Again. And I cry and suffer with it all over again. That is happening less frequently, but it has picked up again now that 1 year is approaching. I can’t believe it. My best friend has been dead for 1 year. The 1 year anniversary of the last time we spoke was August 20. It hurts so much. But slowly, over this year, I’ve started dreading getting up in the morning a little less, I can breathe again, a little. I can laugh again without feeling guilty about it. I’ve finally hit all the 1 year milestones with her death (well, as of 9/7). I’m going to her grave this weekend to place some special things I purchased in honor of her 1 year anniversary since her passing. Damn I miss her so much.

So, this month--this whole year technically--has been a lot to process. A lot to find out, a lot to digest, and a lot to grieve through. I keep thinking “it can’t possibly get any worse, maybe things will get better now” and it always does. That trend for 2020 doesn’t bode well with the election coming up. That makes me so nervous I feel sick. But I refuse to get political here. If you’ve stayed with it this far, you have tremendous stamina and I salute you. It’s taken me hours and several breaks to write thanks to my ADD and just being sleepy and falling asleep in the middle of typing. But that’s it, my month inside the year straight out of hell.

#2020 #August #September #Year from Hell #I can't deal with much more #hell month #loss of job #loss of family member #loss of child #quit job #loss of best friend #1 year death anniversary #please end soon 2020 #let life improve PLEASE!

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pickledchickenetti · 5 years ago

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So I’ve had something on my mind for the last week or two that I’ve been trying to figure out how to best start a post about and coming up short. We all know that I have a tendency to be long-winded, and some of this post is going to be stream of consciousness, at least moreso than my usual longer posts, which I usually wait to start until I have a pretty solid idea of what I want to say and how I want to say it. I may go back and edit this some at the end, I may not, probably depends on how it comes out. (Edited at the end to add: I’m not editing anything. It’s long and I’m not expecting anyone to force themselves through it, but thanks to those who do!) Since this is partially me using my blog as a place to ruminate on some things, I’m going to put it under a read more for those who don’t want to have it clogging up their dashboard.

Lately I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings regarding social media and what voices and mindsets I allow to be a part of my everyday life. I put a lot of effort into carefully treading the line between taking unnecessary negativity out of my social media feeds and creating an echo chamber where I only see people who agree with me. Most of the time, the decision comes down to the tone and intent. If someone is consistently rude, angry, or condescending, with very little useful contribution to any conversation I unfollow them. This applies to people on Facebook who constantly use slurs, post hateful things about people with opposing beliefs or political stances (even if I generally agree with that person’s beliefs or stances) with little attention to facts, and it also applies to people here are just needlessly rude with no real contributions to the overall conversation.

The older I get, the more I find choosing kindness to be a priority in my life. I’m not perfect; I fully admit there are still times when I’m rude or condescending. Sometimes this is an accident, and unfortunately sometimes it isn’t. I don’t like this, and I try especially hard not to be intentionally condescending. Kindness is a choice, and progress takes time.

As I’m sure most of you know, I am often very critical of @kristagay‘s posts. I still stand by many, possibly even most, of the opinions I’ve shared. Kindness is important to me, but it’s also important to me to not let other people’s hurtful words or actions go unchecked when I have the ability to say/do something. (This applies to everyone in my radar, not just Krista.) I have very strong opinions on a number of subjects, but it’s especially important to me to speak up in defense of others in the LGBTQA community as that’s a community I belong to and those struggles are more personal to me.

A little while back, I got a string of anons (many were answered, some were deleted) that made it seem like someone was trying to create some sort of feud between me and Krista. As I said in one of the posts at that time, I was under no illusion that Krista was reading any of my posts that didn’t tag her directly, and had no interest in any sort of feud. Krista does not follow me, and in general does not seem to interact much on Tumblr beyond asks to her and posts she is directly tagged in (or reblogs/comments on her posts of course). I would likely be the same way if I stumbled onto a community of people discussing every little detail of people I was friends with in real life. I would want to set the record straight and defend my friends while also respecting their privacy, and as a result I doubt I’d interact much anyway. I respect her choice to not discuss them at all, even the things seen on TV, and hope she will continue to make that choice no matter how annoying people asking her for info might get. (And to Pickles and anyone else who has crossed the line and sent her intentionally inflammatory messages/questions about the Duggars or hate for the sake of hate, please kindly delete your accounts and learn how to interact with actual humans in a respectful way.)

When I got the string of anons asking me about Krista, I took a step back and tried to objectively examine why I followed Krista, why I continued to devote energy in responding to her posts, and if it was worth my time and emotional energy to continue doing so. The difference I found between Krista’s posts, which do often frustrate me, and posts from others who I have chosen to unfollow and/or block is the intent and context behind the posts.

At the end of the day, Krista and I are very similar. We were both raised in very conservative families/churches, who had different plans for us than the lives we’ve chosen to pursue. We’ve both come to believe differently about God than the churches we were raised in. And we both know what it’s like to have to keep up appearances, especially online, in order to not destroy (or majorly hurt) relationships with people in our lives offline who it’s still important to maintain a relationship with.

There are a couple big differences between us. First of all, I’m gay. I came to believe differently than the church I was raised in largely because I’ve had to just to be who I am and not feel depressed and suicidal all the time. When you grow up gay in a conservative family, life gives you two choices: shut off who you are and spend your life convincing yourself you are who you were told you were supposed to be or do major amounts of soul-searching to figure out who you are and how to accept yourself. When you’re already evaluating one major aspect of who you are and what you believe it becomes nearly impossible to not do that same evaluation on the other beliefs you were raised in. Because of this process, I’ve come to see a lot of hypocrisy and downright lies in the belief system I was raised in. This has pushed me into developing a pretty strong set of opinions, beliefs, and political stances that stand in stark contrast to my family and lifelong family friends.

As a cisgendered straight woman, Krista did not have this huge thing forcing her to do major soul-searching. Despite this, she has done soul-searching, and seems to still be doing it. (It’s really a lifelong process, after all.) She has stepped out into a world that she likely didn’t consider being able to live in as a little girl. She’s pursued an educational and career path that’s impressive for even women who were raised being encouraged to focus on education, so for someone in her church and belief system to get to where she is is monumental, and for that I applaud her. So while I definitely disagree with her beliefs on a number of subjects, and will continue to say so (with thoughtful responses, not just complaints) when I feel her posts call for it, I am doing my best to remember that no one was born perfect, and she is still learning just as much as the rest of us are. I’ve said many times that I really do believe her intentions are good, and I stand by that belief. She’s learning. She’s trying. She may be one of the more conservative voices in our tumblr community, but many of us have admitted we used to be worse than we are now, and she’s come a long way from who she once was too.

The other big difference between us, at least as far as tumblr goes, is that she has chosen to attach her name and face to her posts on here, and I have not. Many of you know who I am, follow me elsewhere, etc. That doesn’t change the fact that publicly, all you see is a food-based username and (currently) a photo of Jana Duggar on a boat. I share my first name, my age, and my general location. While someone who knew me offline could likely piece together my identity if they paid enough attention, I am careful to not overly-identify myself. This relative anonymity grants me the privilege of speaking freely online without worrying about offline consequences. Krista has not granted herself that same anonymity. I’m honestly a little embarrassed that I had never considered before the fact that she likely does not feel she can speak freely on Tumblr. I am very careful what I post on my other social media platforms. When my name and face are attached, I pretty much never mention LGBTQA issues for fear of outing myself and losing family members I’m not ready to lose. I don’t post about the abuses found in many Baptist churches or the lasting harmful effects I feel from my overly-religious childhood. This is partially to avoid a can of worms with a widespread ripple effect and partially out of respect for my parents and their desire to not have to defend me for believing things they don’t even agree with themselves. For Krista, the things she says here can and likely do affect her life offline, and it’s something that’s important to keep in mind when reading her posts.

I don’t say all of this to say that Krista gets a pass for hurtful things she says. We all are still accountable for the things we say, and she has chosen to put herself in the position of having to choose between saying things that will hurt her offline life, censoring herself, or staying silent. There are topics I still wish she would just address openly or not at all. But at the end of the day, she has the same right to censor herself here as I do elsewhere, and I will be trying to keep that in mind going forward. When interacting with her privately, she’s only ever proven herself to be kind and open to hearing what I have to say. In the future, I may give her the same respect I often give my offline friends where I just send her a DM to clarify her intent of a seemingly rude or hateful post instead of just calling her out publicly. We’re all learning, Krista included.

Social media, especially Tumblr, has given in to a dangerous mindset that’s often referred to as “cancel culture”. There are times when it is absolutely the right choice to “cancel” someone. Like I said at the beginning of my post, we have the right to choose what voices to allow into our feeds. We should all take advantage of that right and do what’s best for our mental health. I just think we should also be more mindful of context and intent when deciding whether or not to “cancel” someone. We all say we want young girls (and boys) in fundie communities to get out of that lifestyle and find better beliefs, but getting out doesn’t happen overnight. Many of us have the benefit of getting here after shedding many of our toxic beliefs. For those who aren’t there yet, I hope we will just remember to choose kindness and respect and do our best to be open to educating them without being hateful or derogatory.

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themagiciansreccenter · 6 years ago

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Author Spotlight: @kaci3po

Every week we interview a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

By day I'm a health insurance claims processor and by night I'm a fanfic writer who has probably been in fandom longer than most people on this website have been alive. I have terrible taste in music and share my home with two dogs and five cats.

How long have you been writing for?

I've been writing fanfiction since 2005, but I've been writing in general since before Kindergarten. I was always a writer. Fanfic just helped me figure out where I was interested in aiming my efforts.

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

I read the books years ago and liked them well enough until the last one. Julia and Alice were my favorite characters so when the show was announced, I put off watching it because I was convinced they would never do either of those characters justice. I eventually caved and binged it on Netflix and I'm really glad I did. The show is an entirely different beast than the books, and to be honest the show is way more in my wheelhouse. Watching 3x05 and then not having it addressed for the rest of the season left me really frustrated but I've always believed in writing the stories you want to see in the world so I dusted off my keyboard and got to work.

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

Quentin is my favorite POV to write from. That voice comes pretty naturally to me. And I like writing him because I can identify with a lot of his issues and choices. But Eliot is my favorite to write from an outside POV because he has a very specific voice that you can have a lot of fun with. You can put some fairly outrageous things in his mouth and have it still be in-character, because that's the sort of guy he is. Even though I think I end up writing more drama than comedy, the latter is definitely my favorite to do and Eliot is such a great source for both.

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

3x05 and 4x05. I'm not someone who comes up with great plots for fics. I admire people who can do that, but that's not the sort of writing I'm good at. What I like doing is "fix-it" or "fill-in-the-blank" type stuff. I like being given a situation and then figuring out how characters I already know would react to that circumstance. 3x05 and 4x05 are perfect for me because they showed just enough to leave the door wide open for speculation.

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

I'm toying with the idea of writing Margo's reaction if/when she ever finds out the full story about the mosaic timeline and the Conversation they had when they remembered. I find it interesting that until that moment, Margo was the person who had seen Eliot at his worst and still loved him, but she has no idea (as far as we know) about this new memory that Eliot himself considers his darkest and most shameful. Their friendship is one of the most important things on the show to me, so I am very curious about how she'll react to Eliot keeping all of that a secret if/when she eventually finds out.

How long is your “to do list”?

Not very long. Like I said, I'm not the sort of writer who comes up with tons of plots she'd love to write. I just ask questions based on canon and explore the answers.

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

Probably 'all these young bodies turn,' which I did not realize was a title someone else had already used for a Queliot fic when I posted it so great minds, I guess. I liked writing that one because it let me explore the trope of quests demanding sacrifices and the fact that Quentin was very aware of that fact. I like the way the show twists and turns tropes on their heads and I liked getting to do that too, in my own small way.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

Not really. Everyone's been super nice and supportive of my work in this fandom, probably more so than my writing actually warrants. I'm that person who (a lot like Quentin, actually) is sort of always surprised people like my work and want me around. Blindsided by it, to be honest.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

I honestly don't have a process or rituals. I've never been the kind of person who likes writing from outlines or notes. I just sit at the keyboard and keep asking myself, "Okay...and what comes next?" I'm just as surprised by what comes out of my brain as the next person.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I like to write while the episodes are airing, if possible. If I wait, I lose the inspiration and frantic drive to fix and fill in blanks. Once the entire season is out, it feels to me like it's been chiseled in stone and that's not as much fun for me to play with. Writing while the episodes are airing allows for interesting moments where your predictions turn out to be completely wrong but the canon spins you off in a new direction you never would've thought of.

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

"5 Times Quentin and Eliot Had to Have Uncomfortable but Necessary Conversations and 1 Time They Didn't Need to Talk at All." I honestly don't know why but writing that fic was like pulling teeth. I rewrote huge portions of it constantly and I'm still not fully satisfied with it.

Are there any themes or tropes that you like particularly like to explore in your writing?

I don't know that I've really gotten to explore this yet in The Magicians fandom, although after 4x05 I think I might, but my all-time favorite trope is the character who swears up and down they don't want to be in love and can't help falling anyway. Most of my all-time favorite couples fit into this trope and now with the reveal that Eliot rejected Quentin's interest in him, I can't wait to see them actually together once he gets his body back and decides to be brave.

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Seanan McGuire is my biggest writing inspiration. If I could write half as well as she does, I'd be happy.

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

The "Home For Wayward Children" series by Seanan McGuire is my latest obsession and I'm also listening to the audio book of "Anger is a Gift" by Mark Oshiro. Fanfiction-wise, I'm just devouring every post-4x05 fic AO3 has to offer.

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

This is a tough call because I've had some great mentors over the years, but the most helpful thing I've ever been told is to read everything I write out loud. It probably looks silly when I do it, but I do full-on dramatic readings complete with different voices and actually acting the parts of everything I write. I don't post it until I've done a complete read through with no complaints. Not only does this help you catch any grammar or spelling mistakes, but the biggest thing it does is help you make your dialogue more natural. I'm trained in scriptwriting, not prose, and in that genre all you really have to tell your story with is dialogue, so it's important to me that mine sounds like people really talk. I don't post something until I can read it out loud and think, "Yeah, that's how those characters actually speak."

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work?

I use ellipses way more than anyone probably should and I'm overly fond of pulling up sentences short with punctuation that's not grammatically correct but makes you read it in the exact cadence I want you to.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

I don't remember what my first actually was about, but it was in the Friends fandom and probably Monica/Chandler. I don't have access to it anymore, and I tried googling around to see if it was still out there on the internet somewhere, but it doesn't seem to be. That's probably for the best because I'm sure it was absolutely awful.

Self-edit or Beta?

Self-edit. In a perfect world, I'd have stuff beta'd but it's been years since I had someone I trusted to do that. These days I just go over it with a fine-toothed comb and hope for the best.

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes?

Comments always make me happy and I obsessively read the tags on reblogs, but it doesn't bother me if someone doesn't take the time to do that. People have busy lives and sometimes you can really like something without having more to say about it other than, "This was good." So a like or kudos is fine by me.

Smut, Fluff or Angst?

Smut, then fluff. I don't really like writing angst. Fandom is my escape from the real world so I'd rather focus on happy stuff if I can.

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn?

Quick and dirty as a writer, slow burn as a reader. I like to "get in quick, hit hard, and get out" as a writer. The fewer words I can convey something in, the better. But given the choice as a reader, I'll take a 100k+ slow burn any day. It's always so satisfying when you get to the end.

Favourite season?

Season Three

Favourite Episode?

4x05 and 3x05 are the obligatory answers, but I also absolutely loved the bank heist episode.

Favourite book?

The Magicians

Three favourite words?

Fuck, callipygian, & widdershins.

Want to be interviewed for our author spotlight? Get in touch here.

#the magicians #the magicians rec center #author spotlight #author spotlight: kaci3po

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tcfkag · 6 years ago

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workfornow reblogged your link “I'm alive because of it': Ostomy advocate fights to dispel stigmas around the procedure | CBC Radio”

@workfornow - I hope it’s okay for me to share these tags from your reblog of my ostomy post (and if not, let me know and I’ll take it down) - but I know so well how she feels. I understand it in my bones even though it is so irrational. And I think there are many, many people with ostomies who feel the same way. It’s not at all unusual in a FB group that I belong to for women with IBD and/or ostomies to post questions that either ask “do you regret getting your ostomy” or “my doctors think they may be able to take down (i.e. reverse) my ostomy because my health has improved, but I’ve felt so much better over the last [xyz] months/years since I had my surgery, should I try getting it reversed? I’m scared that I’ll just get sick again....” And, inevitably, the answer to the first question is almost always lots and lots of versions of NO. Even thought ostomies can come with a whole host of issues of their own, many of which I’ve had to go through myself, the vast majority of the “Crohnnies” I know (i.e. people with Crohn’s Disease - though people also get ostomies for ulcerative colitis and colon cancer, amongst other reasons) were just so sick before they had their ostomy surgery - and for many of us, had been so sick for years before surgery - that you can’t imagine going back to living like you did before. It can be unbelievable for some people how much an ostomy improves their quality of life; hell, for many UC patients, an ostomy is an ACTUAL CURE. Sometimes when I am particularly frustrated with my ostomy, I try to remember just how sick and miserable I was before to help get through it, though the longer it is, the harder it becomes to even remember what “before” George was really like. That’s how much my ostomy changed my mind. And yet, despite all that, the answers to the second question are almost overwhelmingly YES. Because even for those of us who have ostomies - who know how much better our life became after surgery (and hell, for patients with UC like your kids’ stepmom, who may literally have been cured), we still tell people we would at least try to reverse our ostomies and go back to being “normal”. And honestly, it doesn’t make sense, it’s not like having an ostomy is so inconvenient that the benefits to our health are outweighed by the annoyance of having an ostomy. An ostomy really isn’t that hard to maintain (as long as nothing is going wrong medically) and sometimes it can even be convenient; road trips become a hell of a lot easier when you don’t have to always worry about where the next rest stop is.

Ostomies don’t keep you from enjoying a full life; you can travel with them, swim with them, do almost any physical activity; any limitations that an ostomate may have on diet or activity is as likely to come from the condition that required the ostomy, rather than the ostomy itself. Even someone like me, who has had almost every ostomy complication in the book - painful and severe skin problems around the ostomy, stomas that had problems serious enough to require surgical fixes, the chronic obstructions I mentioned in the first post, and of course, the perforation that almost killed me and was, basically, caused when I had a serious obstruction after a surgery to fix an issue with George that caused enough swelling to block up my GI-tract (it didn’t help that years of active disease has made my intestines something akin to heavily scarred over swiss cheese which was a big part of the reason that we ended up needing to take out my entire colon and make my ostomy permanent so that reversal was never really an option for me).

And yet, knowing all of that, many if not most ostomates say that they would at least try having their ostomy reversed. And when you get right down to it, there’s no way to explain that other than the fact that we all subconciously have internalized what society tells us about ostomies....when society thinks of us at all. Ostomies are gross. Ostomies are unsanitary and smell. Ostomies are ugly and need to be hidden at all costs. Ostomies are the last ditch, worst-case-scenario surgery. I’ve heard SO MANY people with Crohn’s and Colitis (or worse, the parents or caretakers of patients) who talk about their worries about having to get an ostomy as though it is AS BAD or even WORSE than death. Even I, before I had my surgery, used to think about ostomies that way. They were the Big Bad Scary Thing that I worried about when I worried about where my disease could go; IBD is a chronic illness, it's not supposed to kill you, but it can. And yet, IBD patients, especially when newly diagnosed, will almost always list “having to get an ostomy” as their biggest fear for the long term. I’ve heard people who should know better say they’d rather die than have one. Even doctors or patient information for the newly diagnosed can sometimes talk about ostomies as something that only happens if every other treatment option has failed; the last step before they just give up because there’s nothing else to be done.

I was diagnosed at 13 but didn’t get really sick for ten years after that and during those ten years when I thought about ostomies/needing surgery (if I thought about them at all, which was very rare), I thought of them as losing. Teenage me thought getting an ostomy would NEVER happen to me because that would mean “letting the disease win” and at sixteen, I thought that with enough willpower, I would always beat Crohn’s. It took about 2 years of living with a severe flare that started about a year after college to finally realize how wrong I had been - those two years included a six-week backpacking trip throuh Europe with a friend, moving to Boston from DC, starting law school, and beginning my first long-term serious relationship (with the man who is now my husband). And yet when my doctors told me that they wanted to do a temporary ileostomy in 2008 to try to help things heal and to give my body a break, I still wasn’t happy about it. I would constantly remind my doctors, my boyfriend, my family, and everyone that “this ileostomy is TEMPORARY” because even after I had my temporary ileostomy and felt better than I had in years, I still thought that having it made permanent would be the end of my life and was willing to do just about anything to avoid that happening.

Okay - this reply has gotten way longer than I meant it to, but here is the TL;DR version: society treats ostomies like they don’t exist - most people don’t have a clue what an ostomy really is. And when society DOES acknowledge ostomies exist, it almost always treats them as either a butt of a joke or as disgusting. So it’s not at all surprising that patients internalize that stigma, even if only subconciously, and many of us would still go back if we could, even knowing how much better our lives are without our colons fucking things up for us all the time. And THAT, to me, is SUCH a shame. We need to change how ostomies are perceived, not just in society at large but in the IBD community as well, because when we treat them as worst-case scenarios second only to death as a potential side effect of Crohn’s and Colitis, we make patients (a significant percentage of whom are likely to need an ostomy at some point in their lives) think something that we should be trying to normalize is not just abnormal, but terrible as well. Destigmatizing ostomies won’t just help people like me who already have them, it could save people years of suffering or even death by not making them struggle through years and years of unnecessary misery before being willing to even consider an ostomy.

#workfornow #TCFKAG replies to replies #LONG POST #this is an eight paragraph long opus that can basically be summed up in one sentence #Stigmatization of ostomies run deep and most patients suffer from it at least some subconcious level #And that means that many if not most of us would get our ostomies reversed if we could - EVEN knowing how much better we feel after surgery #and that's some fucked up shit if you think about it (pun totally intended)#sorry if this makes no sense - I'm kind of babbling

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hqtbells-blog · 7 years ago

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thanksgiving blessings.

I want to preface this saying that this week, I completely lost it.

I feel comfortable being honest. For all intents and purposes, this blog is essentially my personal tumblr when it comes to venting/sharing about my day/reblogging my likes. Maybe this is a mistake because sometimes I mesh too close with my characters and it can be hard to draw a line but I’m horrible at keeping up with any blogs except my roleplay ones so..that’s why you see so many random posts that are promptly deleted before I clog up the dash.

But yeah. This week I lost it. I learned I was on the verge of losing something very near and dear to my heart, I got in an argument with a person I care about very much, I lost my job right before the holidays, and my Granny, my second mom, was placed in the hospital for the second time this month. In the span of..two-three days. I mean, when it rains..it pours, right?

I’m laying in bed and wondering what the fuck do I do. I’m not shy in enclosing the information that I do suffer from an anxiety disorder and moderate depression. I’m on medication for it and I think I’ve got a better handle on it than I used to but God, I had to go on my mom’s Xanax this week because I just laid in bed and bawled my eyes out, wondering where the fuck do I go from here? I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I’m lucky enough that I have friends who push past all that and continue to get me to talk, even when I give them one word answers or snap at them but I just felt..lost. And numb. And so, so sad. I felt like everything was piling up on me and I didn’t know how much more I could handle.

I hadn’t told anyone in the group, apart from a few people, what was going on with me because I hadn’t wanted to seem as if I was seeking attention. Isn’t that silly, that we’ve been conditioned to feel that we’re “attention seekers” when we’re just expressing our feelings? But I posted a post explaining my lack of activity and the feedback I got from it flooded me. I sat there, crying again, but for a completely different reason. People cared. People cared enough to pray for my family and me, people cared enough to take the time and message me, people cared to even check up on me the next day. It blew my mind and it warmed my heart and I’m not exaggerating, it made me feel like if I just..got up and attempted to move forward, things would be okay.

My Granny’s home now. Tired and weak, but home and she got to spend Thanksgiving at home with us. I have a few job interviews that I’m praying I’ll get so I don’t have to spend another Christmas selling all my jewelry to buy my mom exactly two Christmas gifts. And even though some things in the group are hazy and I might feel lost and stuck and nervous about my future here..I’m gonna be okay. Because of the people in here, constantly acting as my second family.

I’d like to share my appreciation for a few people.

Katie @elizajanetc - You’re my best friend here. Truly. I cannot put into words how thankful I am for you. The past few nights, you just..answering me and encouraging me and telling me you were listening made me so grateful to know you even if I was horrible and couldn’t express it. You are always there for me. No matter what kind of mood I’m in, and you’re the most loyal and trustworthy person I’ve met in all my years of roleplaying. Sometimes I feel like I take too much from you but that’s just you, you’re just so generous and kind and giving. And aside from the pillar of strength you are for me, you’re also hilarious. And fair. And an incredible writer and an even more incredible friend and you are constantly showing me your appreciation. I can only hope I show even half of that back to you because I would be so lost without you. You’ve brought so much to my life. Your struggles are my struggles, your joy is my joy, your pain is my pain. Thank you for indulging my Troian gushing, thank you for introducing me to The 100 and putting up with my caps lock reactions, and thank you for giving me a friendship both ic and ooc that’s gonna stay with me forever.

Sam @theflashgrant It’s funny because there’s so much love and appreciation for you in my heart but I feel like nothing I say can ever be good enough to thank you for what you’ve done for me. You’re the longest ship partner I’ve had, you’re essentially a real life relationship for me and we’ve truly been through it all. When I try and think back to a time without you in my world, I go blank because you’re a constant for me whether that be through a ship or through a friendship. We have a special friendship that no matter what, we know we’re going to be okay and we’re going to have each others backs. Forever. “I’d go down swinging for you.” And I really would. I wanted to do an appreciation post for Treegan, and I probably will, but I’m going to bawl the entire time writing it because they’re such an incredibly important ship and I don’t care what anyone else thinks - they were fucking epic and that is large in thanks to you. Thank you for always taking a chance on me, thank you for never failing to be the first to share with me Keegan news, and thank you for never truly leaving. You are so special to me.

Katie @dianna--elise I can’t put into words how much you’ve done for me either. Apparently I can wax on about everything but how much love and appreciation I have for people because honestly, no words ever seem good enough. You’re an incredibly strong woman. And you have a strong personality. You don’t take peoples shit and you stand by your beliefs, and that’s so admirable to me. I may not always understand or share your opinions but at least I know that when you speak, it’s coming from the heart. Passion is the most attractive quality in a person to me which is probably why sometimes we clash so hard..but we also mesh so great. I really believe you’re gonna save somebody some day, because you’ve already done your fair share in saving me. Thank you for the endless TV rewatches, thank you for letting me call you ridiculous nicknames, and thank you for being the kind of person who never fails to reach out.

Bella @ole-cole We’ve only known each other nine months and we already feel comfortable enough to call each other out on our bullshit. I think that’s great, even if it can be exhausting sometimes (cause let’s be honest..we both deal with a lot of bullshit, mostly from me). I had no idea when I met you that I’d enter such a great ship with you and that’s the beauty of our friendship - completely organic, a happy accident in the making. You have listened to the weirdest things come out of my mouth..or well, from my keyboard to your messenger and you have always been there to be a listening ear for me. You’re my precious little Brit and I love confusing you with my American ways. You’re so talented, in every way, from your drawings to your way with words, and to your photographs. You’ve got such beauty in you. Thank you for the daily blonde!Cole pictures that never fail to brighten my day, thank you for always sending me links to things you know will make me smile, and thank you for not giving up on me. Seriously.

Kris10 @itscaitylotz Ahh. My phoenix. My spitfire. My little hellion. You’re so fucking feisty and in you, I have found a soul sister. We are just always on the same wavelength and even in our writing, we seem to be naturally drawn towards the same things. You’re like a bolder, more determined, slightly sassier version of me and I admire and look up to you so much. You really go after the things you want and you have a take no prisoners attitude that I need to adapt because you’re living your best life right now. And you’re so sweet. And kind. And..comforting, that’s the best word I can use to describe you. Your pep talks even rival mine and you always refuse to let me lay down and accept defeat. With you in my life, I know I always have my own cheerleader and I hope I’m that same person for you. Thanks for all the trouble Troian and Caity get into, thank you for always messaging me back paragraphs when I need a little pick me up, and thank you for giving me a new girl crush once I fell in love with your Caity.

Christinanana @revival-gomez I miss you so much. Come back to Florida. Please? I didn’t see you enough while you were here, and now I’m really regretting all the times I could’ve driven up. Meeting you that one day was so much fun and God, you’re so fucking cute in person! I could’ve just hugged you all day. You’re hilarious and I love our IMs where we just send grumpy faces at each other and basically have the most insane conversations because that’s just how we communicate. We’ve known each other for so long now that there’s a comfort and ease with each other and I really hope that never goes away because I consider you one of my closest friends here. Thank you for making sure I was still breathing once Troian walked by me, thank you for always offering to have Disney dates with me, and thank you for never failing to remind me I don’t know what a McChicken is.

Caiti @srslycandi We haven’t talked in a while but that doesn’t really worry me because I know that you’re there, and you know that I’m here. You’re still a sweet girl, always doing her best to make everybody feel included and loved and special and that makes you the most special in itself. I love you and I just want the best for you, always.

Bonnie @hyfdanielle I’m genuinely so happy we’ve been talking more. Katie always tells me how wonderful you are, and having the opportunity to write with you and create a beautiful friendship here with you has been the best. You’re really talented, and so creative and kind. I mean it, you’re just really easy going and you’re always making the effort to make people you talk with feel special and important. I can’t wait to get to know you better too.

Brandy @melissabenoistiisms God, you’re literally Melissa ooc-wise too, it’s amazing. You’re always messaging me with the cutest things to say and making my day. I love that we made a great brotp come to life with our combined efforts and that it’s all the more special with our little touches. I appreciate everything you do for me, and I love seeing BECAW! It makes me giggle, because you’re so darn cute.

Lindsay @somadelaime You’re always willing to plot and you bring life and heart to the Riverdale cast here. Thanks for everything you do. Ina @so-ashleighmrr Ina, God, you’re the fucking best. Always willing to talk, always willing to listen, and being the biggest Lili and SH fangirl that just boosts my ego way too much. I adore you! Kate @s--amell I know we haven’t really talked much, but you reached out to me that one day and helped me so much. Thank you and I hope to plot/write with you soon. Pedro @ffstaron My cutie pie. Always making me blush with your sweet words and flirty ways. You’re a sweetie and yep, I still listen to that playlist you made me. It’s my favorite. I adore our KJ/Lili brotp because KJ is just as adorable and funny as you. Thank you for always being so damn precious. Charlie @angelkarliekloss You never fail to include me in things and you always act like even if we go days without speaking, you still consider me important. It means so much and I have loved all your characters here. Thank you so much for always being so kind and fun to talk to. Kim @xosharnabur You’re always fair and generous in asks, and I love your Sharna. You really should too, she’s great and I promise that things will eventually turn around for you. Just keep doing what you’re doing. JJ @alycia-jdc We’ve never really talked OOC but I adore you. Your Alycia is so great, as is your Darren. You’ve got a way of really connecting with people and just having the most fun conversations. Keep up the great work. Nikki @hcurly You are never allowed to leave because I’d miss you so much. Genuinely the sweetest person I know and never fails to leave a smile on my face with your kind heart. I adore you too, and I hope you never forget that. Beth @ffszefron We haven’t talked in so long but my love for your writing and characterization hasn’t wavered. You’re so talented and creative and special and I love interacting with you whenever I can. Even when you encourage me to watch your legit insane brothers. Kenna @tylrsgn Thank you for always saying kind words when I’m having a bad day and even in the past, doing manips and whatever else you could to help me. Your characters are all so different too and I think you’re very brave and bold. Keri @vcncssa Oh my God, your graphic skills amaze me. I think you’re so interesting and inspired and I love both your girls, they’re always so much fun to talk to and you’re a delight in real life. B @so-taylorswift Thank you for reviving my love for Taylor and letting me tag her in literally every T-Swift thing I can find. I get to release my inner fangirl and you’re honestly the best and most tolerable Taylor we’ve had in a while. Jaq @sonataliadyer Remember when you called me a Queen? Nah, that’s still and always will be you. You’re truly a master at writing and plots and I aspire to be like that. I always feel EVERYTHING with your characters. That’s true talent and you’re a genius. Minnie @so-saoirse I love you, I love you, I love you, you are so fucking precious and such a gem of a human being. You NEVER fail to make me happy on the dash and you should be universally loved by everyone because you’re that amazing. Thank you for everything you do for me. @heylizzo I am so sorry I don’t know your OOC name or that it slipped my mind (I am basically a human Dory) but you’re always reaching out to me in times of need and reminding me there’s good people left in this world. Plus, Lizzie is a fucking boss which makes me believe you are too. You’re amazing. Rebecca @wtftaissa I love your name. ;) You’re always a lot of fun to write with too and random note, I love that you literally thank everybody who sends you anons or questions for memes. It’s so cute. Mar @ashleybenzoxoxo We haven’t talked in a while, and I miss writing with you but I hope your life’s going good. We always have such great Troiley interactions! Ally @ffsdylan Um, I love you to the moon and back. God, where have you been all my life? Dylan/Lili is the brotp I never knew I needed and you’re so hilarious and warm yourself. I swear, you must ghost write or predict real life Dylan’s life because you’re so great at playing him. I’m mad at you for making me want to hug him all the time but..you’re an awesome friend and I’m very lucky to know you. Megan @sosebastianstan You’re great and we should definitely talk more. Thanks for always being a sweetheart when we do. @witneycarson I’m sorry, I can’t remember your OOC name either (I’m the worst) but you’re always fun and nice to talk to and thank you for always being up for plots, no matter what character I have! @nina--dobrev and @theeshaymitchell, two of the cutest shipping partners here. I loved Dobsley and I love how friendly and sweet you two are together and apart. Please come around more. Kelso @sokoritellymomoa Thank you for always being willing to write and talk to, you’re great. :)

Last but certainly not least; the admins.

Tini, you’ve created a safe haven and your work is tireless and endless and vastly appreciated, especially by me. This is my safe place. You’re incredible and I think you’re gonna go so far in life. @vanessabutterfly-hudgens Krista, you work really hard too and you strive to make things as fair and fun as possible. I appreciate your effort and thank you for always being willing to talk to me about anything. @marg-robbie Holli @itsmekatiecassidy I’ve really appreciated our talks lately and how understanding and generous you are. I hope everything is going okay for you as well and I’m praying for your family too. Thanks for always being a bright spot on the dash and making me laugh. Bellie @fckwilla I’m really happy we’re interacting more and more again and I have a feeling our characters are gonna be in for a wild ride together. Sorry for continually changing my hiatus status and driving you to probably pull out your hair. ;)

I finished this all before midnight so I can successfully say -

Happy Thanksgiving.

xo Becca

#{ hashtag becca logic }#sssappreciation

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use-a-little-patience · 7 years ago

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Young!James Potter Imagine Part 2

First of all, I’d like to apologize to whoever requested this. I am so, so sorry for splitting this in two parts, it was NOT my intention, but it happened. And second, I’d like to apologize that it took me so long to write this. So here is part 2 and I hope you like it, and if you don’t, please tell me! My ask box is always open.

Anyway, I love James, he’s currently my favourite! I also adore Sirius, who’s my number one and of course Remus is a cutie too. Okay, it feels kinda creepy to talk about them like that, they’re fictional, but sometimes I read such good imagines (I will reblog those who I adore) that it feels like I really know them.

Ok, whatever! Have a nice day!! And request!

PART 1: http://use-a-little-patience.tumblr.com/post/162862772718/youngjames-potter-imagine

James Potter was a wreck. His life broke in a million pieces, when you sent him out of your room. It was around midnight and he couldn’t sleep. His best friends were all asleep, dreaming their wildest dreams, but he couldn’t. He cursed himself for what he did to you, to your relationship and basically himself.

It was complicated, he knew. If it was any other girl that he kissed, not Lily, you’d probably listen. Of course you would be mad, but you would know that it wasn’t him who kissed the girls. With Lily, it was a totally different story. Before there was you and him, he liked Lily and thought he was in love with her. When he asked her out for the first time and she rejected him, he thought he was broken, but in fact it was his pride that was hurt. Him and Lily were totally different. She barely laughed at jokes, while he was full of them, her quiet and serious persona was a total difference to his wild one. Sirius knew that, Remus knew that before anyone else and you knew that as well.

And you were friends with the Marauders, never with the quiet Lily nor her friends, but with many other people. Just like James you were witty and funny, very kind and nice. You loved Quidditch, just like him. It was funny how you and James didn’t get together before your fifth grade, when James saw you at the party and started paying attention at you. As soon as he talked to you, his ‘‘Lily-flower’‘ was gone. You were perfect for each other. You even found out that your mothers were best friends in their Hogwarts years.

You knew, just like everybody else in Hogwarts, that James liked Lily, so you were confused when he asked you out. However, you were not blind and realized how James didn’t even look at Lily when she came his way, nor did he talk about her. Suddenly she was out and you were the only girl he had eyes on. James became nervous around you, some days he didn’t even know what to say to you, he couldn’t focus in class, because all he could think about was you. When you finally said yes and you idiots realized that you were meant to be, then everything fell into it’s place. The world was fuzzy and full of misunderstandings, but with you, James felt calm, yet so alive.

And now, he was laying in his bed, while rain was making the only sound that was heard in the room. He cursed the moment he picked up the firewhiskey he intended to drink with Sirius, and made his way to the empty common room. He was waiting for Padfoot who was, meanwhile in some girl’s dorm, asleep. So e had one glass and after one, another and so on. He felt a little tipsy and his head started to hurt. He wondered where were you, when Lily entered the room. Her eyes lightened up when she saw him, her cheeks turned a little red, but he didn’t care..at all. He had another glass, as she sat down next to him, his eyes fixed on the fire in the fireplace in front of him.

She gulped, as she noticed how her presence did not have any effect on him. “How are you James?2 she asked in her sweet voice.

James chuckled as he replied with a boring “fine.” It was obvious, he was quite drunk, since he had no energy to do anything, but look at the fire.

He did not return the question, which made Lily even more nervous. The moment she saw that James was not interested in her anymore, and that he was hanging out with another girl - you, she started to look at James differently. She always thought he was attractive and handsome, but there was so much more that she did not knew of him, and you did. Lily was surprised when she heard from Marlene that you and James began dating, her eyes almost fell out when he kissed you in the middle of the class. She overheard him talking about you to his friends one night, and she couldn’t help but be jealous of what you had. Lily envied you, that’s why she couldn’t say anything but a simple hello to you. You understood, you were no fool, even a blind man could see that Lily was uncomfortable around James and you.

Out of the blue, she kissed him. It was an act of despair and weakness. She didn’t know what else to do, how to make him look at her, how to tell him, that she is in love with him. A few months ago, James would kill for that kiss, but that was past and just past. He tried to tell you that, but you didn’t listen. He confessed, that he kissed her back, but regretted an act in a second.

Tears slipped from his dark eyes on the pillow, below his head. He closed them and covered his body with a blanket. James Potter, always on the top of the Marauders group, the baddest prankster in Hogwarts, the notorious rule breaker and joker, was now a complete opposite. He was hurt and angry, vulnerable and powerless, something he hadn’t felt in years. But you made him feel like that and he couldn’t do anything to fix this mess.

“He’s sorry, (Y/N).” Remus’ voice filled your head. You two were sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast, a few days later after your big fight with James.

“I know he is. But that still doesn’t change the fact of what he did.” You snapped back, while looking in Remus’ eyes.

“You don’t understand,” Remus chuckled bitterly, “he’s barely eating or sleeping, he hasn’t told a joke in ages, he’s constantly occupied by his thoughts-”

“What a poor guy he is, right? Remus just leave it. We broke up, now he can be with that Lily of his if he wants.”

Remus shook his head in annoyance. You were always understanding and reasonable, but when it came to your problems, it’s like you were completely blind. Some people told you, that Lily asked James out and you were logically anticipating that he said yes. He’s finally moved on, you thought. Not that you weren’t hurt, of course you were, but...if it was meant to happen, you wanted it to be done as quickly as possible. There was no night that you fell asleep without crying, no morning without a bitter realization that you can’t run up to James and kiss him.

“He doesn’t want Lily, for Godric’s sake! Why do you have to be so stubborn?” Remus got angry. A few people around you, looked at him and he blushed a little at the realization, and continued calmly,

“Look, that’s life (y/n), I’m sure you’ve already figured that out. Bad things happen, worse things than that one with you and James. And it’s James. You know him as good as I do, maybe even better and you know that he’s really sad.”

Your eyes looked at your feet, as Remus tried to drift your mind to a realization. “But he’s going to be alright. He’s going to move on, we both know that. He’s funny and friendly, that will be no problem to him. I’m not telling you this to hurt you in any way, but I don’t want you to lose him. And I don’t want him to lose you, because of one mistake that he didn’t even make. I’ve never seen him this sad, but I know this will end after some time. And after some months, he will be just a stranger to you. Do you want that? Because he loves you (Y/N), and moving on will be the hardest thing he will ever have to do.”

You teary eyes looked at Remus thankfully, as you gave him a soft smile and got up. You didn’t know what to say and stood there awkwardly. At what he just said, you realized he was right and that stupid fight was not going to break what you had with James. “He’s at the Quidditch pitch.” he answered to your questioned, you never asked.

You ran to the pitch, tears slipping out of your eyes and drying in the cold wind.

“James!” you called out, as you saw a familiar figure looking up in the sky, playing with a quaffle.

When he heard your voice, he turned around. As you got closer and looked up at him, his face revealed dark circles under his eyes as he smiled weakly at you.

“What are you doing here?” he asked you in a low and gentle tone, one you weren’t used to. He was trying to smile, but he failed, his lips made small curls, but his eyes were missing it’s usual spark.

“I came to see you.” you said to him.

He was looking at you and again at the quaffle, nodding a little as he didn’t make a word.

You studied his whole being for awhile. And at what you saw, your heart broke in a million pieces. James looked exhausted and depressed. His messy curls were flying up and down his forehead, carried by the wind, when you put your hands on his strong arms. He immediately looked at you, his eyes full of scare of what you are going to do next. “I’m sorry.” you blurred out, as tears streamed down your face. James hurt you, but you hurt him as well, wen you pushed him away from yourself.

“What are you sorry for (y/n)? It was my fault, not yours.” he said, as you squeezed his arms.

“No James. I know the truth, please just forget...I can’t stand you like this..” you confessed.

“Like what?”

“So weak..you’re not yourself. And I love you, I love you so much it-”

His lips were suddenly crushed on yours with such force, you almost fell on your back, but James’ arms caught you in his embrace. You could taste the saltiness of his tears, melting on your lips, as he kissed the pain away.

OKAY! So I hope you liked this, I really do, because I love James and well, I hope you do too!!!

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saramcclarinet · 7 years ago

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You should answer all of the last question post you reblogged :p

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?I'm assuming this means in a relationship way and if so, no. He took it back in the morning. 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?No3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?This morning, working on my current novel. 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?Yea lol do it all the time 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?Yea, one of my friends is not down with my current relationship. It's hard. 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?Yep 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?Black jeans, ballet flats, and a tank top that says, "Yes, I speak clarinet" with some of the Mozart clarinet concerto printed under it. 8. How often do you listen to music?Almost constantly 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?Jeans10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?LOL 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?I am both 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?No 13. What about ‘R’?Nope 14. Can you drive a stick shift?No 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?Honestly, depends on who it is. 16. Are you going out of town soon?I'm currently out of town actually. 17. When was the last time you cried?Last week, while writing something difficult. 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?Yes! 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?Nope, my eye color is a very special shade of hazel and I love it. 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?No 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.Hair dye smell 😂22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?YES! 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?Yes 24. What are you sitting on right now?Hair salon chair 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?Yes, my friends 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?Yea27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?My parents (I'm staying with them in california for thanksgiving) 28. Do you get a lot of colds?No 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Online 30. Does anyone hate you?Idk 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?No 32. Do you like watching scary movies?Yes 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?GOD NO I AM A CLARINETIST 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?Probably 6th grade. That was a shit show. 35. Did you have a dream last night?Yes, it was awful. 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?This morning I told my parents I loved them. 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?Maybe? Honestly, how can ya tell? 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?Lol I hope so. 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?Probs not 40. Did you have a good day yesterday?I did! 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?Yes with @greystreet-endof-theworld 😘42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?Probably 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?No 44. What’s the best part about school?I love all of the things I study! 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?Yes46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?Not anymore. I'm in college I just text them. 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?Yes oh lord 48. Were you single over the last summer?For about half of it 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?No lol 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?Getting my hair dyed, which I'm doing. 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?No, lol it was my boyfriend so if I hated him we'd have an issue. 😂52. Are you nice to everyone?I try to be, but no. 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yes54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Yes!!!! I am a HOE for monogamy! 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?LOL NO 56. Do you think you like someone?again, yes, the boyfriend™57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?Yes 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?Girls 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?All of them 60. Do you hate anyone?No 61. How’s your heart?Beating! Doin' it's job! 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?Yea 63. Have you ever cried over a guy?LOL yes!!! 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?One of my friends and I are fighting so maybe her idk. 65. Are your toenails painted pink?No, red 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?I hope not? 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?I mean I don't LOVE it bc that means he's hurting, but that doesn't mean I'd mind at all if he cried in front of me. 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?No69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?My brother 70. How do you look right now?Crazy! my hair is all foiled up71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?Yea72. Can you commit to one person?YES!!!!! I LOVE ME SOME MONOGAMY! 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?Yea 74. Have you ever felt replaced?Yes 75. Did you wake up cranky?No 76. Are you a jealous person?Lol sometimes 77. Are relationships ever worth it?Yea78. Anyone you’re giving up on?Mmmm 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?Yea80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?Practice 81. Last person you cried in front of?my friend 82. Is there someone you will never forget?Yea, lots of people 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?I don't know. I've never thought about it... Are you @greystreet-endof-theworld? 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?Probably having sex lol 💁🏻85. Are you over your past?Nope 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?Yes87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?Yes88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?no, fuck that asshole89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?I guess? 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?Yes91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?I hope so! 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Yea, I have an uncle named Michael93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?No94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?No 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?I didn't like anyone in March 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?Yes 97. Who do you have texts from?Lots of ppl 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Ummm??? 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Yea 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?No one, tis just I 101. Ever kissed under fireworks?no 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?yes

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lyraeon · 7 years ago

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Hi! Sorry for intruding, and you definitely don't have to answer if this too personnal or invasive, but I've been wondering if my depression might be a bipolar one for a while now, only I don't always see myself in the way people talk about mania/hypomania, only sometimes I do? And the way you described mania being /straightforwardly frustrating/ sort of spoke to me, so I was wondering if you could explain what you meant by that? (or direct me to posts where you have?) Huge thanks!

Hello friend!

I’m sure I have other posts about it somewhere, but short of digging through my whole relevant tag, I wouldn’t know where to look for them. But I don’t mind explaining overall.

First of all, if your depression seems to come and go, but not necessarily be replaced by hypomania or mania, it may be something else. Seasonal Affective Disorder is the most common alternative, but Cyclothymia is also a thing, and should especially be looked up if your depression also never hits a bottomless pit level. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “well, it’s not THAT bad, so I guess I’m ONLY cyclothymic and I shouldn’t worry about it” or whatever though!! That’s just the depression talking and trying to keep you down. Ignore it.

I don’t know if I get manic or hypomanic, doctors have consistently disagreed about it. But, I know I have two main modes of mania, though they can bleed into each other.

There winds up being talk about hallucinations, self-harm, and graphic nightmares in this, so if that’s gonna bug anyone reading this, J on past it

Hyperactive mania:

What is sleep? This is not me procrastinating sleep or being distracted by other things, this is me flat out not needing more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and having trouble getting to sleep to begin with, not in an insomnia “I’m so tired but can’t settle down” way but in a “I don’t feel tired unless I drink or take sleeping pills or otherwise really wear myself out” way.

Zero focus - I have little to no attention span most of the time to begin with (I suspect I have ADHD but most doctors will be reluctant to diagnose that in addition to bipolar, since mania has a lot of overlap). This typically gets worse during mania; I will repeatedly get up out of my chair to walk laps around my house, often gesturing wildly and definitely talking out loud to myself if no one’s home. I’ll sometimes try to play music to get the energy out to that, but rarely get through a single verse before skipping to the next.

Hyperfocus - and when I do manage to focus on something, (which has to either be something I’m REALLY ENJOYING or something social) I will get dragged into it for 14 hours and only snap out of it if I need a bathroom break or something. The Sims is a common one, not just for me but for a lot of people from what I hear. I always know something was a hyperfocus and not a thing I really wanted to do in general because after 3 days - 2 weeks of the thing I won’t touch it again for months or years. My last manic fit involved playing a sim city phone game for 6-7 hours a day and binge watching multiple people’s entire hermitcraft 4 season. The one before that had me playing rollercoaster tycoon constantly.

sex drive - suddenly characters and celebrities I had not previously regarded as hot are hot. Suddenly I have 15 AO3 tabs open. I feel like people who know me well can notice my mania just by how often and what gets reblogged to my NSFW blog.

poor decision making - I’m far more likely to buy ice cream or alcohol or other things I don’t need to be spending my money on. I’m far more likely to give in to the whole not sleeping thing, or to take sleeping meds despite cutting it way too close to when I have to be up the next day. I lose my verbal filter. I still don’t know if the fact I don’t do anything life-ruiningly stupid is evidence I’m only hypomanic, not manic, or just my anxiety keeping me in check.

Intense emotions - I cried at a University of Phoenix ad yesterday y’all. I also in general am not one to cheer or yell at something happening on TV/in a video, but get more invested when manic and react on a level closer to when I’m actively playing a game or something.

But there’s also the frustrating side (not that the above isn’t often frustrating, just that the above are more associated with positive emotions or at least not a pervasive Stressed Out feeling)

Easily frustrated - I am not one to get mad, normally. I actually get criticized for just letting things slide that obviously upset me/”you keep saying it’s okay right after saying it’s not okay”. I don’t know how to handle getting mad due to gaslighting issues growing up that I won’t get into right now so when I do start getting mad, it tends to build up until I find myself tense and literally stomping mad and sitting in the car screaming in frustration (because if I scream in the house someone might hear me). I also snap at people far, far more often when manic, losing any patience I would typically have and sometimes going for passive aggressive gouges if what they’re annoying me with has built up over a couple days as opposed to instantly. For example, yelling at people who are in my raid group.

nightmares - dear god the nightmares. I will do things in them that I find barely or completely unquestionable in them, then wake up freaked the fuck out because I just - well, we’ll go with today’s example, which is that I fuckin shot my dog in my dream, and for no apparent reason! Death is a pervasive thing in these, including me getting jolted awake by my own death in them, but unstoppable torrents of water are also common as is things just not making any sense - an object I’m holding turning into something else the moment I try to give it to someone else is also something that happens a lot

tense - dear god do my shoulders and back hurt, and not my normal everyday chronic arthritis pain, because that’s in the joints. This is every muscle pulled as tight as it will go and locked, and often carries a sensation of “the only way to fix this is to literally claw them off the bones”. Upper back is the most common but my forearms come next (especially near my elbows) and every major muscle can feel that way if I’m far enough gone. This used to lead to self-harm in the form of me scraping at those areas trying to make the sensation stop (and has lead to weird masochism stuff), but it’s something I consciously avoid now. I’ll usually try to rub at them or stretch to relieve the tightness, but often sleeping it off is my only real recourse.

really, really, REALLY unable to focus - I can’t get through two minutes of a video without pausing it. I skip every song 4 seconds in and instead of just feeling like they don’t fit quite right, each song feels like it’s personally offending me by not being the right one and I eventually give up and take off my headphones in a huff. I’ll forget I was loading the dishwasher halfway through. I’ll keep doing one more little task and one more little task for hours to procrastinate simple things like eating or walking the dog. I always in general have trouble finishing my sentences sometimes, because I’ll lose words or I’ll wind up reading/hearing something mid-sentence, but it becomes every third sentence.

Itchy - everything feels wrong. My hair has to be pinned up as thoroughly as possible so it can’t touch my skin, my glasses have to be perfectly clean because the smudges will piss me off, my clothes have to be just right so they don’t touch my skin in ways that will make me jump/itch like if my hair touches me, any rough edge of my nails or cuticles has to immediately be chewed off, if there’s a weird hair or a zit or a scab anywhere on me I will be picking at it instantly, whatever I’m sitting or laying on is too lumpy, etc. My scalp itches regardless of when I last washed my hair, but washing my hair sounds dreadful because the sensation of wet hair weighing me down is even worse (vs it normally being a soothing sensation to me). My ears itch!! it’s maddening and distracting.

noise and light sensetivity - everything is too bright and too loud! I’ll have as many lights off as possible (sitting in the dark, showering in the dark, screens all as dim as they will go; I’ll often close my eyes or blindfold myself if I really need to concentrate on something I’m typing or listening to). I try to get white noise because background sounds like the dog walking around will drive me batty, but white noise will give the same “wrong one” sensation as music, and if I notice ANY repetition in the white noise (obvious bird loops for example) unless I have deliberately chosen a repetitive melody because it feels right, I will snap and have to turn it off and probably just cover my ears for a while.

The sensation that shit would suck less if I was drunk right now, because that would either “at least give me something to do” or “make all of this funny instead of annoying” (but alcohol only intensifies what I’m feeling, so if I’m “good” manic it makes me super happy and if I’m frustrated manic I just get angrier)

just an overall sense that everything is wrong and there’s nothing I can do about it and unlike when I’m depressed, wherein I feel like it’s all my fault and I probably deserve to die because of it, it all just pisses me off more and makes me need to get up and wander around. in the less extreme of these moments, I end up trying to figure out lists of what needs to be done, but getting frustrated trying to think that hard. In the worse ones, things will be blown out of scale and I’ll be plagued not just by the problems in my own life but by how fucking frustrating it is not to be able to fix, oh, our broken government, or how frustrating it is that I don’t have the money to just buy us a house right this second, etc.

hallucinations - this is top floor mania for me. The only thing above it is the roof that I will sometimes lay on at 2 in the morning, limbs spread as wide as possible for minimal skin contact, laughing uncontrollably on the inside while feeling paralyzed. My hallucinations are “mild” ones - I’ve only had one or two visual flashes in my life, everything else has been sounds, and it’s rarely been even words, let alone more. it’s usually alarms and sometimes music. I’ll hear my boyfriend’s alarm going off, or the fire alarm going off, or my own alarm going off, or my family’s burglar alarm going off, etc. This is one that meds have been royally good at keeping under control and I’ve only had breakthroughs of it when I’m also sleep deprived.

-basically, mania is fUCKING FRUSTRATING AS ALL GET OUT because you have all this energy but nothing FEELS RIGHT so nothing gets DONE, 99.94% of the time.

The additional problem for me with breakthrough mania - that is, symptoms that happen despite my medication keeping me mostly “normal” - is that it rarely brings any of the positive aspects that make being manic at least fun in the moment, if not sometimes genuinely worth it. I can get a LOT done when manic if I can take advantage of it before the bad symptoms set in, and I suspect a lot of my current writer’s block issues are because I’m not getting the same kind of hyperfocus days that I used to. But boy do I still itch sometimes, boy are my shoulders craving for me to go rub on a tree like a bear, boy is my stomach cranky because I’m so hungry but eating food sounds like a horrifying chore because what if it doesn’t taste right, etc.

I don’t really know how to explain exactly what I mean by the emotions feeling stunted, but it’s sort of like trying your hardest to find the can opener because you know it’s got to be somewhere, but it’s not anywhere you’re looking, except the can opener is your ability to be excited about this thing you wanted to do, or is your ability to be mad about something you know for a fact you’re pissed about, but you get stuck sitting there just dully frustrated instead because you can only read the label of the can, not actually experience the contents? Or maybe like opening it and finding store brand, “no sugar added” peaches instead of the really good del monte overly sweet stuff; your emotions themselves just feel lackluster compared to what you know they can be.

If a lot of this sounds familiar - if you’re like, yeah I get really annoyed easily and get sensory issues etc but I thought I didn’t get mania because I’ve never been pulled over in vegas going 110 in a 45 and all the media presents of mania is that and crazy chicks putting themselves $12,000 in debt overnight and waking up with no recollection of it - then you probably have hypomanic bipolar. If little bits sound familiar but they always are accompanied by existential dread and/or the pervasive sense you’ve gotta keep moving Or Else, it could be some sort of anxiety disorder. Parts of this list also overlap with autism, or with ADHD, or with BPD, just depending on which symptoms you have.

By my understanding, the one cornerstone of any form of mania is that you feel like you have more energy than normal; not more energy than depressed you, but an actual excess. That energy can fade fast/turn out to be just a sensation and not actual energy, but the sensation is still there, and usually fucks with your sleep.

Hopefully that helped. If it didn’t, or if it did but there’s something else you want to know, feel free to shoot me another anon or a message. I might be slow to respond because my sleep schedule is currently fucked to three more hells than normal, but I will definitely do what I can to help.

#bipolar disorder #mania #bipolar #mental health #lyra's gone full on spazzbucket #tw self harm #tw hallucinations

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palpablenotion · 8 years ago

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Hannibal Rewatch from the POV of an autistic fan

All episodes will be under a cut and reblogged from this first post, with the number and name above the cut for easy browsing.

Note: Because I’m watching this from a specific POV, i.e., observing Will Graham as being on the spectrum, I may be harsh towards characters. For instance, I’m incredibly critical of Jack, who doesn’t mean to hurt Will, thinks when it happens that it was worth it for the job, and is actively bad for Will’s mental well being. Conversely, I will not often be harsh in this same way towards Hannibal, who is also bad for Will’s mental well being but means to be. Hannibal’s actions are completely purposeful, unlike other’s who do Will wrong by being inconsiderate/ignorant/oblivious. Many character’s I share harsh opinions for here I probably genuinely like.

S01E01: Aperitif

I’m rewatching Hannibal to help with a fic I’m writing but already I’m annoyed at the head of the BSU for being so damn NT.

“I also understand it’s difficult for you to be social.”

fuck you Jack nds can be whatever the fuck we want including teachers

also don’t fuck with someone’s glasses even if you think that’s why they can’t make eyecontact chances are they’re using their glasses not to make eye contact you aba performing tool

“My horse is hitched to a post that is closer to asperger’s and autistics than narcissists and sociopaths”

I hate that this distinction needs to be made because apparently people confuse us auties with narcissists and sociopaths due to our presentation of symptoms, completely ignoring why each group presents that way - mind you, this isn’t hating on narcissists or sociopaths. we present these symptoms for different reasons, that’s just the truth - and part of us auties being confused with these other labels is the perception that autistics are “low on empathy” which isn’t always true - for me, a big part of my autism is just how empathetic i am, it’s exhausting

i empathize so much with will graham

Jack: But you can empathize with [them]? Will: I can empathize with anyone. Less to do with a personality disorder than an active imagination.

Thank you Will. I sometimes feel my imagination is a burden too, but generally I think it’s awesome. And his glasses have already fallen down again. This man I swear.

I love how awkward my guy here is. He’s beautiful and I love him.

Stop staring at him Jack he doesn’t like eye contact.

Hugh Dancy is so amazing, I love him and his acting.

“You make jumps you can’t explain-” “No, no! The evidence explains.”

He isn’t magic, he’s just better at your job, Jack. Also way to push someone who already said he’s autistic/autistic adjacent (definitely nd) into a situation he said he’s uncomfortable with and definitely didn’t want to do.

Will asks questions that really seem obvious. Elyse was supposed to feed her parents’ cat while they were away for the weekend. Will asks, hey, how’s the cat? She hungry?

Jack seems accommodating with his “if you feel like talking, talk, if you don’t, don’t” but this whole business is so messed up, he shouldn’t even be in this situation. Just because Will is good at his job doesn’t mean he wants to interact with these people.

And here Bev is being way too intrusive, but if I remember correctly - I might not, I didn’t have the autistic label or awareness back when I last watched this - she makes attempts to behave better.

Someone need to get this boy a blanket and hot drink.

And here’s our first instance of seeing him interact with an animal. He’s far more comfortable, doesn’t wear his glasses, won’t give up on this dog. Open and happy. Winston and the rest of his dogs show us that Will Graham isn’t some heartless automaton but a man that just has trouble interacting with people. He’s much more comfortable interacting with dogs, who have very plain motivations.

Jack is a bully. “What’re you doing in here?” He’s fucking putting himself together, get out.

You can’t abuse someone into working well with you.

He’s actively rattling Will, upsetting him enough to cause Will to shout. Will is trembling when talking to him.

“Graham likes you, doesn’t think you’ll run any mind games on him.” Insinuating that Will doesn’t like most people because they are running mind games and isn’t that depressing.

“I don’t. I’m as honest with him as I’d be with a patient.” I honestly don’t know how to take Alana saying this because she’s equating talking to a specific peer as talking to a patient and there are plenty of psychologist/psychiatrists that aren’t honest with their patients.

Newsflash, Will Graham isn’t his diagnosis.

“Seems ashamed not to take advantage.” That’s the summary of Jack’s interactions with Will.

“I need him out there.” No, you don’t. You want him out there to make your job easier.

Will Graham is a perfect example of how demonized people on the spectrum are. I won’t get ahead of myself and talk about the finale yet, but man what a post that will be.

It’s so easy to see the difference in someone actually psychopathic - if not perfectly fitting the label of psychopath - and Will Graham. Also, Jack is very unprofessional with Hannibal. It isn’t good form to approach a doctor with a patient. He’s also unimaginably rude, just going through stuff.

The only reason Hannibal didn’t kill Jack near the beginning, besides it being stupid to kill someone in the FBI, is that Jack gave him a gift in Will Graham.

Will and Hannibal’s first interaction is fascinating. Hannibal doesn’t try and force eye contact, but asks how Will feels about it. And Hannibal doesn’t try and hide what he’s doing. Will has an issue with mind games and Hannibal presents their relationship as being upfront (I mean, we know this is bs, but the presentation is what’s important, right mom’s of autistics? //s )

It’s so dark in Will’s hotel room, I am feeling that aesthetic.

Will tastes the food before moving it to his plate. I feel that too. There’s so much food I hate.

“Be professional... I don’t find you that interesting” Will is attempting to put up not only boundaries but barriers. He has grown to hate psychologists because all they want to do is put him in boxes and he obviously has a lot of shit in his past concerning that (not limited to being denied FBI status and losing his job on the force).

Will appreciates Hannibal making fun of how Jack sees him. He’s so tired of that shit, of thinking about it, of enduring it. We all know those paranoid little thoughts, am i annoying them, do they think i’m crazy, if i don’t do this will they think i can’t handle it? And Hannibal comes in and validates those worries by saying “Uncle Jack sees you as a fragile little tea cup” and Will appreciates that.

It also gives Will the momentum to ask how Hannibal sees him (which, don’t we always want to ask someone that?) and the suggestion is here that Will wants to see if Hannibal tells him the truth but also he legit probably wants to know. We always do. And we don’t.

“The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by.” This response confuses Will but it’s not fragile. It is insinuating a strength, actually.

I love Will asking “What are you smiling about?” because if one thing pisses me off it’s people telling me to smile. Why should I? I’m not upset, I’m just not actively happy. Go away. They aren’t doing anything but driving so why on earth is Hannibal smiling. Will you have so many of the same issues I have (and a lot I don’t, thank God)

And Will enjoys that Hannibal is actively interested in his process. He’s opening up. Willing to mention why he’s doing things. Answers questions willingly and readily. It’s obvious that Will Graham has a logical reason for doing these things. Someone is finally acknowledging it’s a process and not magic.

I think this is something really important, when Hannibal calls Hobbs just to see what happens. I might think “what would happen if” but I think far too much about things and have far too much concern for others (and empathy, don’t forget empathy) to just throw a wrench in the works to see what happens.

And Will is actually really impressive. It’s so obvious to me that he wants to shut down, just stop, but he can’t yet. Not to say anything about those who would have, that’s completely valid. Will is so good at this job he doesn’t even have that he constantly fights himself to do it.

This is NOT a healthy place to put him. Someone on the spectrum who shuts down at things like this, who is actively not an agent, who has said he doesn’t want to do this and been coerced into doing this job, should not be forced into this position. This is why #someonehelpwillgraham went viral. Multiple times. And became a rallying cry for the fandom for a while.

#hannibal rewatch #actually autistic #autistic!willgraham #actuallyautistic #hannibal: aperitif #hannibal s01e01 #someone help will graham #palp psychoanalyzes #critical of jack crawford #critical view of inter-character interactions

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