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ghoulangerlee · 1 year ago

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if i could ask without it being rude. . .

what/when did you realize you were nonbinary?

lately i've been wondering if the gender binary fits for me and i was just hoping you might have some answers or guidance or something

anon this is not rude at all! i am always open to talk about my experiences with gender identity! thank you so much for feeling safe enough to come to me, I do hope my answer sheds some light on things for you.

please excuse any spelling errors bc I am currently typing with one eye open haha. (also under a read more bc i got wordy sorry I hope this helps!! I'm here for you anon!!)

So, I was about 19 when I realized that 'girl' didn't really fit me? Looking back I think it might have always been like this, but I grew up in a small southern town where the only out gay person was bullied so relentlessly that he left town and we never saw him again.

So, 19, I come across this tumblr account that centered heavily on genderfluidity, and for a while that identity felt safe to me? I've always been more masculine leaning in general, from a very young age and at the time (this was 2011) genderfluid seemed right. I would fluidly slip between masc and fem and it all felt comfortable and safe and nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Small town me finding out there was more than just gay, lesbian, bi and trans? (trans here in the sense of transgender like, trans man or trans woman).

So yeah, I think at that point for me though, I just lost my mom, I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn't have the bandwidth to look too far into anything beyond something that finally made sense in my brain. So while I do still stand by me ID'ing as genderfluid for a few years, it never actually felt right. And you know? That's okay. It was sort of a stepping stone for me, I think. To look more into other gender identities. Because at that time, beyond genderfluid I only knew of trans men and trans women, in like I guess the binary gender sense?

To preface this, I know that definitions of transgender has changed over the years, this is just my personal experience with all of this, which is why some of it may come off as idk outdated?

Anyway, while I ID'd as genderfluid, I went by a masculine nickname and still used she/her pronouns just because I didn't really consider using anything else. Someone once referred to me using he and that sorta felt okay? But also not...right? At the same time. Like it felt better than she, but in the sense that it was a little off to the left of better. Not a perfect fit, but an okay one.

Honestly I could probably dig deep enough on my blog and maybe find some ramblings from that time if I tried hard enough, though I can't for the life of me figure out what I'd have tagged it haha.

So, I don't exactly remember what finally brought on nonbinary other than once I told someone that I didn't really feel like a person? I felt more like a genderless blob so to speak, and that she/her and he/him didn't really feel right to me.

And that friend was like 'well what about they?'

And then someone referred to me using they and everything sort of clicked into place right after that.

My experiences with gender have been quite turbulent, in the past I've dealt with heavy gender dysphoria because I had this idea in my mind that I needed to look androgynous in order to identify as nonbinary. That I wasn't nonbinary enough if I had tits. I binded for several years and fucked my ribs up with it because I am also fat. So, in I would say 2013 is when I finally started using nonbinary? So internet culture led me to believe I needed to be thin and have a flat chest in order to be the right kind of nonbinary, because otherwise I was just a woman.

I still get called she/her in my real life, other than my husband and our friend who both use they/them when referring to me. But, I've learned these past several years that nonbinary doesn't look a certain way? That I don't have to be more masculine leaning in order to ID that way. It feels right, when people use they/them and when they call me Lee, which is why I typically introduce myself that way, other than doctor's offices, and other official places use my birth name.

It took a lot of growing for me, because I had so many negative ideas about femininity and how I could also navigate that while being nonbinary. I refused to wear makeup for the longest time because I thought that that meant I was just faking it, and being a woman.

I've always wanted to be feminine but in the same way that like, a masculine person can be feminine, I guess? So like, in a 'cis man wears a dress and makeup' sort of way if that makes sense.

And I had this idea that I couldn't do that, otherwise I was just a fake nonbinary person?

What ultimately helped me was in 2016/2017 when I worked for Home Depot, my head cashier actually lead a local lgbt+ group and she immediately latched onto me not being straight or cis. Again, this was the south so there was a little bit of growing pains, we all ended up sitting down and talking about gender identity, I talked with some older people who were nonbinary and it opened my mind to start viewing things in a way that like, helped me, I guess?

Like, yeah, makeup is traditionally worn by a woman, but because I am not a woman, wearing makeup does not make me a woman. Just as wearing traditionally masculine clothing, does not make me a man. It just makes me a person wearing make up or a person wearing clothing.

I think overall, if I would have stayed on the internet and kept listening to those people who say that you have to look/be a certain way in order to be nonbinary, I wouldn't have probably reconciled my own issues with how I perceived myself vs nonbinary.

Overall, I'd say start small, the first thing I did was use neutral pronouns, this isn't to say you can't use neopronouns if those feel right to you, or use something like he/they or she/they bc a lot of nonbinary people do that too.

It's okay to experiment with gender. It's okay to tell your friends that you want to be referred to using only neutral pronouns, or a set neopronouns, or what have you. See how that feels.

Take a step back and look at how you perceive certain things, when I was finally able to let go of the idea that things had to be gendered, and that those gendered things only fit one particular gender, it made things so much easier for me.

I stopped hating my chest. Like I'd said earlier, I binded for a while, and it was so uncomfortable, but I Felt like I had to just because of what I'd heard the uh "gatekeepers of gender" say. But now? finding a bra that fits nicely and accentuates my chest? Euphoric.

None of that makes me a woman. I am just a person, and I like things.

Living in the south, good luck with me trying to ever explain this to people around here. So I'm out, but I'm not explicitly out I guess. If people clock it? Good for them. If not? Oh well. I don't really correct people on my pronouns, just because I've finally reached a point where I'm okay with it. My sister and brother in law still call me by my birth name and that's fine too. Because in my head, my name is Lee and my birth name is just a nickname that they have for me.

And again, all of this came with time. With several years. I started this when I was 19 and I'm 31 now, so it took a decent chunk. It's important that you've got a good support system too. And honestly, I'm here for you anon. If you ever need to talk, or vent or anything, my askbox is open. If you wanna come off anon and dm me? Sure.

I can even give you my discord if you'd prefer that.

Navigating gender can be scary, but, it'll be okay. <3

#ask replies #sweet anon ive got your back

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merlinfic · 3 years ago

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group ask for lost fics #41

Hi y’all! Below are a few lost fics that us mods just can’t seem to find. That being said, we’re hoping that you lovely followers are able to help! If anyone knows any of the fics below please reply below or send in an ask with which anon/user and group ask that the fic corresponds with when the ask is back open!

Note: previous group asks and all lost fics!

Anon 1 asked:

Hi! I hope you can help me find this fic. It's set in modern times and Arthur has a history of being toxic and abusive with his partners and then he starts dating merlin and during a fight he tells him to leave because he doesn't want to hurt him. This is all I can remember but I hope you can help me, thanks

Anon 2 asked:

hi! i was wondering if you could help me find a lost fic where arthur met merlin in uni and pines for him, i'm pretty sure arthur had like an alcohol problem and had anger issues in previous relationship. i vaguely remember details like merlin moving away and coming back, he then had a party arthur first decided not to go but went when merlin asked, and merlin got non alcoholic beer for him. im sorry if this is too vague and i really thank you for your help!

Anon 3 asked:

Hi really love the work you do! I'm addicted to your blog cuz it's all of my cravings combined in one!

Anyway I once read a fic a while back and can remember it's name. I'm not entirely sure of the premise. From what I remember was this;

1) pairing: Merlin x Arthur but it was like a missed opportunity due to Merlin being so focused on Morgana

2) Morgana knows abt Melin, his magic and Emrys

3) Morgana and Merlin hides the secrets from Arthur. And feels that Arthur doesn't try enough to help people of magic but really he is doing all he can about it and that matters.

4) Arthur is somewhat aware but didn't confront them because he hopes they would trust him enough to come clean.

5) Merlin is in love with Arthur. Arthur in love with Merlin but due to secrets they didn't get together.

6) Arthur meets someone another guy. Original Male Character or one of the knights idk. Merlin doesn't even realize it because he was preoccupied with magic and Morgana till he finds out Arthur is in a serious relationship

7) Merlin is upset when he finds out Arthur has a lover. Morgana gets super defensive cuz she feels Arthur is better off with Merlin.

8) Arthur gets fed up and confronts her that he can't possibly love someone who doesn't trust him enough. Arthur moves on.

It goes something like this. These were the scenario that I remember, though I can't recall if if Merlin and Arthur get together or not.

Really appreciate it if you can help me find this fic thank you~

Anon 4 asked:

Hi, I'm trying to find a certain fic. I think it's a soulmate Au or possibly true mates kinda thing. Anyway Merlin has been hiding the fact they're soulmates and I don't think Arthur reacts well when he finds out. Was kinda long if I remember correctly and possibly a bit dark? Anyway, sorry for being so vague, thank you!!

@oceansideopus asked:

I am on the hunt for a fic I read and forgot to bookmark on AO3. Basically Merlin hears Arthur say all magic is evil and decides to suppress his magic by wearing cold iron cuffs under his clothes and he’s slowly wasting away

@randomjblogs asked:

Do you know of a fic where merlin is De-aged to a baby. Igrane is alive, and her and Uther raise merlin as their Ward. I think merlin ages rapidly in the fic. 🤷🏽‍♂️ it may have been a fever dream haha! I checked the age regression tag. Ps y’all are amazing!!

As always, this post will be updated if any fics are found!

#other: group asks for lost fics #other: lost fics #other: fic find #mod danielle

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mimibtsghost7 · 4 years ago

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Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost.

funny enough:

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life.

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol).

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well .. guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me?

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right:

Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me:

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first.

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony.

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them? You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that?

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay��. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner.

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever.

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it: a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left. As for me @hobisbeautifulass you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

#Anonymous #hobisbeautifulass #don't mind the typos as I wrote this in one go #just because I am someone who do not punch back when someone hit me do not mean I will stand nicely when you touch my people #anyway~ bye~#mimibtsghost

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manic-pixies-dream-girl · 4 years ago

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if i could fly

genre: fluff

word count: 0.9k

warnings/tags: fem!reader, longing, crying, uh idk

summary: this was a request for my one direction collection

anon - "Hey lovey I love your work and I love the idea of using one direction songs in Harry Potter x reader’s. I was thinking you could do one for George Weasley with “if I could fly” were the reader ( female) went horcrux hunting as she is close with the golden trio and it’s just about how they both feel when the other is not there beside them and maybe a happy but tearful reunion at the battle of hogwarts. Thank you!"

a/n: this was really fun to write and im so sorry that this took so long, i hope you enjoy!

navigation

A soft yet raspy voice whispered poetry from above, a voice you knew all too well. The edges of your vision were consequently blurring from sleep.

You looked up from where your head was resting on his lap. He was holding a book off to the side so that he could look into your eyes. He held a small love-filled smile on his face, you wanted to cry at how angelic he looked at that moment. The tree leaves tucked far up out of reach behind him connected to the trunk he was leaning against. His hair contrasted the greens and browns, and the sun rays hit him with golden tints. He reached down and stroked your hair off of your face from where he noticed you had moved.

The snap of a twig breaking caused you to stir from where you were laid out on the grass. Only it wasn’t grass, it was morphing and fading away into duller palates. You looked up at him and he faded away too. A dream, the universe was taunting you.

You were in fact under a tree but in a winter forest, instead of a summer field with your boyfriend reading to you.

You took in your surroundings more carefully now that you'd woken. You shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the first place, it was your turn to keep watch on the tent.

You felt the weight of a book in your hand; the poetry. You caught sight of Harry in your peripheral vision moving closer. He was the one that had made the noise drawing you from the stupid dream.

You sat up from where you had slumped against the tree, there was a crick in your neck and knots of tension in your shoulders.

“Hey y/n, do you need me to take over?” He asked looking tired himself, though he was surprisingly better at staying awake than Ron, Hermione, and yourself. He’s sadly become used to it because of the nightmares and visions he had been having, now he was just seemingly more put off.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize how tired I was,” you answered with a small smile, “no need, I can finish my shift. What are you doing out here anyway?” Questioning his need to come out of the tent so late.

“Another dream. He has a Horcrux at Hogwarts, something to do with Ravenclaw I think.” He looked dazed thinking back to the dream, or vision of sorts. You let out a thoughtful hum and tucked a fallen strand of hair behind your ear.

If you did have to return to Hogwarts then you’d be able to see George again after so long, months, without seeing each other. You wanted to cry at the thought of seeing him again after you had set off with the others so abruptly. You’d hardly been able to say goodbye before you had snuck out with the others to hunt for the pieces of Voldemort's soul.

You didn’t know how he’d react to seeing you again. The racing thoughts sobered you from your tiredness.

“When do we leave?” You voiced your thoughts to the green-eyed boy across from you. He met your eyes understanding that you missed George just as he missed Ginny.

“Soon we’ll need to use the tunnels from Hogsmeade to the castle to get in.” He uttered contemplating a plan in his head. “I’ll go wake Hermione and Ron, we need to get going as soon as we can.” He left me there against the tree wishing that it had been adorned with bright green leaves and a fire-haired boy underneath.

------

George was asleep when he got the news that they needed to leave immediately for Hogwarts. He didn’t think about what the reason for the abruptness was. He was only thinking of her, that's all he seemed to ever do the past few months, he missed her. He missed her smile and her laughter, the way her hair was always messy in the morning, he missed her jokes and how she used to love helping with the stupid pranks he’d pull.

He loved her, loved the way that everything about her was utterly and irrevocably perfect.

He was still lost in thought when they’d arrived in the room of requirement with all of the others in the order. He crawled his way through the portrait and landed on his feet underneath it.

She saw a tuft of fiery red hair off to the side of her vision. She turned towards it hoping for the boy from under the tree.

Her heart dropped and butterflies erupted all at once. She ran to him without hesitation engulfing him into a breathtaking hug applied with the force of her run. She nearly toppled over the confused boy.

He caught her wavering slightly at the sudden intrusion. She was lightly sobbing tears of joy into his chest. He just hugged her harder and comforted his girlfriend.

He tugged her away from his chest and kissed her uncaring of the tears or the crowd of people around. You kissed for what felt like forever though it was only minutes.

He had his hands on the sides of your face as he tugged back to look at you. You could see it in his eyes, it was unmistakable that those eyes held so much love in them. You hoped your eyes were conveying the same feelings.

“I love you,” he murmured looking into your eyes, his glossing over from the overload of emotions, “now let's win this darling.” He said cheerfully with a smile that lit up your heart.

tags: @miss-starkov @beforeoursunsets @weasleys-wizard-wap @lxngbottom @bellatrixscurls @weasleytwinswheezes @evermoreeve @futuremrsmalfoy20 @thatsassyhufflepuff @acosmis-t @astoria-malfcy @samineisntmyname @dahliatopia @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @gwlvr @deadwizarrdsociety @keepawaythenargles @harrysnosebleed @malfoyslovies @siriusblackkinnie @fleursbabe @hellounicorn @inureflower @lily-evans-is-my-mommy-tehe @crystxlss @lavenderbrxwn @nate-isnt-great @i-love-scott-mccall @destourtereaux

#george wealsey x reader #george weasley #george wealsey imagine #george weasley x reader fluff #george weasley fluff #george fluff #harry potter #hogwarts

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mego42 · 4 years ago

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Hi, since you seem more positive/excited about the triangle possibility than a fair amount of people, can you talk more about why? I fall into "the not thrilled about the possibility, but have a little hope it could result in some good moments" group and would love some more reasons to not dread it. Thanks! And love your writing and love reading your tags :)

hey anon!! i am v sorry you are not thrilled and am always happy to shriek nonsense about why i’m excited (though idk how much it will help bc the tl;dr is more or less i’m hype for a triangle bc i am an incredibly messy bench who lives for drama and if you are not a similarly messy bench, ymmv)

don’t get me wrong, i super understand the trepidation, pop culture is LITTERED with absolute shite examples of love triangles but here is an incomplete list of reasons i personally think beth and rio are the perfect kind of disaster to set up a spectacular love triangle:

the existence of a triangle implies there are FEELINGS at the various points

the use of the descriptor "romantic" applied to said triangle implies ROMANTIC feelings

i am a simple woman and my pulse has already picked up

one of my absolute most favorite things about the toxic stew that is beth and rio is how completely balls to the wall obsessed they are with having and holding each other’s attention and focus

like straight up possessive nightmare people

now imagine wedging an actual rival for one or the other’s attention between the two of them

(something we have not reeeeeally seen before, 206 withstanding and i’ll come back to that, bc lbr beth doesn’t give a fck about dean and rio’s known that for sure ever since he walked LITERALLY RIGHT PAST THE GUY to rail his wife in a public bathroom at her invitation)

(the 204 proximity point has nothing to do with this list it’s just a source of endless delight and that was enough for me to justify adding it)

where was i

mmmmm feelings, possessive nightmares, OH RIGHT

they are also nightmares in the sense that it appears to be physically impossible for them to use their words with each other unless it’s like, ripped out of them which means they’re sitting on ALL THE BAGGAGE between them and it’s just stewing and boiling and

wait, let me back up

look, i want brio sex as bad as the next person

but even more than brio sex? i want them to fight

i mean like, Fight fight

i want the kind of knockdown drag-out brawl that brings Stuff to the surface and leaves them with a bunch of nasty, ragged, pieces dragged out into the light bc lbr they’ve both done some incredibly awful things to each other

(kind of like what 213 was looking like before it all went to shit tbh)

(i’m just saying, beth saying you put it all on me with that kind of jagged, disbelieving betrayal behind it? my catnip)

(it’s up there with rio at the picnic table in 306 telling her that ship sailed when she put three slugs in him)

i live for them being raw and honest and emotional okay

IF ONLY THEY COULD BOTH DO IT AT THE SAME TIME

bc here’s the thing, for the magnitude of horrifying shit between the two of them? i (personally) think that they like it because they are so! twisted! when it comes to each other and i love that for me, specifically

like no seriously a huge part of what i love about the ship is that whole i see your monster and it looks like mine thing they’ve got going on when they let themselves and i am full on foaming at the mouth feral at the thought of them leaning into that

i’m sorry i’ve lost the thread again

wait no that was the thread

okay so basically they’re both ticking time bombs of smothered angst and rage who are absolutely incapable of being normal about each other but are also keeping all of that locked tf down and the only time we ever really see it come out is when one o them is too emotionally overwhelmed to keep their iron grip

you know what brings emotions to the surface?

TRIANGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SEETHING MESS OF EMOTION THAT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING TO THE SURFACE??????

AND HOW UTTERLY UNEQUIPPED EITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD BE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF IT????????

AND HOW SIDEWAYS IT COULD EXPLODE???????????

like don’t get me wrong there is absolutely no way it’s gonna be pretty but i didn’t get on this busted ass carnival ride expecting nice things, i am in this to feEl stuFf and nothing makes me feel stuff more than seeing the two of them feel stuff and this is perfect set up for that

you know how they say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference?

you know what’s not indifference? big messy emotions

but okay okay okay i am icarus and the sun looms large, lets say they don’t fight, that doesn’t mean they’re not gonna feEl stuFf on their own

do you remember beth’s face in the van when rio hugged dylan??? do you?????

and what did she do after that? went out and robbed him blind and held his shit hostage until he caved in what is one of my top 10 of all of their scenes

and god, idk if we’ve really seen rio really get jealous of attention lavished on beth yet but when i think about it i want it so bad my teeth hurt

and i know i’m not alone here bc i have i think 3 jealous!rio prompts in my inbox rn

(i’m not saying i’m working on it but i’m also not not saying it)

god i just

can you imagine how much fun it could be to watch rio seethe over having to watch someone else be into beth

WHAT WOULD HE DO?????????

ESP IF HE COULDNT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT DIRECTLY BC ITS SOMEONE HE CAN’T INTERFERE WITH

oh christ and if beth responded to it??????????

oh gOD thE mESS

idk even if it doesn’t lead to a confrontation (but i feel like??? it would have to????) just the idea of the kinds of feelings they’d have to grapple with and confront within themselves is D E L I C I O U S

also, to jump back to an earlier point: brio sex

i know some people are feeling like the sexy chemistry between beth and rio is lacking this season

you know what’s great for chemistry? fuel

you know what provides great fuel? messy emotional situations that tug at intimate connections and make people feel out of control

you know what’s a messy emotional situation that tugs at intimate connections and make people feel out of control?

you probably guessed it

A TRIANGLE

(and we know that neither of them does well with feeling out of control period at all even without the intimate emotional stuff mixed in so like oh boy)

listen i am just saying given where they’re currently at with each other i cannot think of any situation more ripe for an explosive hook up than one or both of them feeling driven to reassert their claim/mark on the other

would it be nice? no, probably not

would i care? not even a little bit

(don’t you judge like any of y’all are any better than me)

look. to quote marie kondo horrifically out of context: i love mess and the mess potential in a romantic love triangle with beth and rio as two of the three points is stratospherically high.

#i hope this helps! or makes sense!#beth x rio #nbc good girls #in defense of love triangles #(a thing i never thought i'd tag tbh)#also while this is probs not a popular stance and debatably helpful #it's worth mentioning that the stakes of this are at the end of the day not very high #it's a tv show #i'm here to enjoy myself and when i stop enjoying myself i'll walk away #i'd be sad sure #but life's too short to put this much energy into something that does not spark joy #so idk remembering that makes it easier to not get that worked up #i lean into what i love and know that i can bounce if it doesn't deliver #shut up meg #anon

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drmmyrs · 4 years ago

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Thank you so much for bringing us another great fic! As i see you are taking request, when you have time and like my suggestion, would you write a fic where Kaitlyn try to back with MC but she is secretly dating Becca. Idk if it's a good idea or not. Have a great day

Thank you anon! ❤️ This is definitely a great idea and I loved writing this piece. I’m not sure if this is what you wanted but I wrote it in Kaitlyn’s POV soo expect it to be angsty ��

tag list: @whackawriting @samanthadalton @crazzyplays @uselesslesbianfr @baexpoppy @alexroyard (If you wanna be added or removed or just prefer a certain ship just let me know ❤️ )

What Could’ve Been

Kaitlyn never stopped loving Emily. Not when they broke up, and not when they stopped living together. Which was why, when Emily invited her former housemates to live together in Vasquez's house, she was overjoyed.

The first few days of living with Emily again were wonderful. They talked, they laughed, spending almost all of their free time together, just like old times. The only thing that was missing was her being able to hold Emily's hand again whenever she wanted, her being able to kiss her plump lips whenever she had the opportunity to do so, and her being able to take her out on dates and scream to the whole world about her beautiful, amazing, perfect girlfriend.

Today, Kaitlyn decided. Today she will muster enough courage to ask Emily out on a date. But much to her surprise, when Emily arrived home, she wasn't alone. Standing near the entryway was Becca, eyeing the house scrupulously. Emily called the attention of her housemates.

"How would you all feel about Becca moving in?"

Kaitlyn's stomach churned. She remembered their summer road trip where Becca unexpectedly tagged along with them. She remembered Emily getting a phone call from Becca, her lips turning into a smile while talking to the blonde. She remembered both of them disappearing for a while, returning... giddy–like they shared some kind of secret. No, Kaitlyn chided herself. You're reading too much into things.

Days had passed but Kaitlyn still wasn't able to ask Emily out, partly because she had lost her courage, but mostly because Emily became busier and busier. She didn't think about how most of those times were spent with Emily helping Becca settle in. She didn't think about how the two always sat together during breakfast or whenever the housemates hung out. She didn't think about the fleeting looks and brief smiles the two always seemed to share. She couldn't, or else she risked her heart being torn apart.

One night, the housemates decided to go to a club to celebrate Chris' team's championship. As the night progressed, Kaitlyn helped herself to more than a few drinks; maybe then she'll have the courage to tell Emily how she felt.

A slow song started playing on the dance floor, and before Kaitlyn could change her mind, she asked Emily for a dance. Even as friends, she and Emily had always been close, which is why it wasn't weird when Kaitlyn rested her head on Emily's shoulder as they swayed to the song. She engraved this moment in her memory, thinking about how Emily's arms were wrapped around her waist, how their bodies seemed to fit perfectly with each other; she never wanted to forget. She was with her, and nothing else mattered.

The song was now nearing the end, and Kaitlyn knew that she had to wake up soon from this dream. She grabbed Emily closer, a final attempt to hold her in her arms. As the song reached its conclusion, Kaitlyn didn't move, she didn't want to let go. Stay. Please. But as Emily started pulling away, she knew she had to let her go.

They went back to their table and Zack and Chris were nowhere to be found, it was just Emily, Becca, and her. As they continued to drink, Kaitlyn watched as Emily and Becca started to let their guard down. Their gazes were no longer fleeting and their smiles were no longer brief. And at that moment, Kaitlyn knew. She remembered how Emily used to look at her like that, no, not even then. The way Emily looked at Becca, it was more tender, more loving. She looked at her like she was the most beautiful person ever to grace the earth, the same way how Kaitlyn knew she looked at Emily. Kaitlyn knew that even then, she had already lost.

Waves of pain hit Kaitlyn, clenching her heart and restricting her throat. She knew that she had to go somewhere, anywhere but there. She excused herself and went to the bathroom, locking herself in one of the stalls, and there she broke down. She cried and cried and cried, hoping that her tears will wash away the pain–the excruciating pain that throbbed throughout her body. Maybe someday she'll get over her. Maybe someday she'll laugh about this memory, realizing how stupid it was. But for now, Kaitlyn wept as she lamented on what could've been.

#the freshman series #the freshman #the sophomore #the junior #the senior #becca #becca davenport #rebecca davenport #becca x mc #kaitlyn #kaitlyn liao #kaitlyn x mc #choices #playchoices #play choices #my work #my fanfics #my writing #request

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silksandcravats · 4 years ago

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idk if this is too specific so sorry if it is but recently I've just been feeling like a burden to everyone I know and could use some comfort via fictional characters about it lmao, if it isn't too much to ask could you do something with flip comforting the reader that feels this way? sorry if its weird okaybye

A/N: Of course sweet anon! It’s not weird at all, I know the feeling! Hope this piece serves as a little pick-me-up!

masterlist

Summary: Flip’s girl is feeling down.

WARNINGS: just more soft Flip.

You couldn’t think of a worst time for the feeling to strike, but here you were staring at the floor, pretending to listen to the conversation around you.

To be totally honest, you knew you weren’t in the right mindset for this gathering before you even left the house, you had only been seeing Flip for a couple of months but he always asks so little of you, and he does so much for you. So when he mentioned one of the guys from the station was hosting a barbeque and drinks, and that some girlfriends and wives were tagging along, you felt you had to be there for him.

You tried your hardest to play the part, even though you didn’t recognise many faces. You pushed a smile to your face as often as you could remember to, and you nodded along politely to anyone who reached out to try to make small talk with you, but you just couldn’t pick it up.

After your third pity conversation failed, with a wife who probably only started talking to you because she noticed you standing alone and felt bad for you, you gave up and went to find Flip, feeling like a total failure. You couldn’t manage to make any friends and now he was going to have to deal with you, poor guy couldn’t get a break. Of course he didn’t do anything but smile when he saw you retreating back to him.

“Hey honey,” he grinned, Coors in hand, he leaned over pressing a quick kiss to the side of your head, before returning to the conversation at hand. The gesture tugged at your heartstrings, I don’t deserve you, you thought sadly.

And now here you were staring at the floor, lost in thought. Thinking about how much space you took up in everyone’s lives. You felt like you’d been at the house decades, but really it couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours.

“Honey?” Suddenly you were brought back to reality by Flip nudging your side. Your head snapped up looking at the little circle you had forced your way into. Shit. What had they been talking about?

“Sorry, what was that?” you asked.

“I said you ok there y/n?” asked one the woman standing next to Ron, Patrice? Was it?

“Oh, yeah, sorry, totally zoned out for a second, um, do you know where the restroom is?” You spit out. Yeah, that’s all you needed, you could go to the bathroom, pull yourself together, and then you’d be the best girlfriend you could for Flip.

“Down the hall, it’s the second door.” Another voice answered, pointing a beer towards the hall. You nodded, turning to walk away from the group, but before you could walk away Flip grasped your hand, squeezing it tightly.

“You okay sweetie?” He asked softly, leaning down slightly so only you could hear him. Your heart cracked, please don’t worry about me.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back, don’t worry.” You smiled, lying through your teeth. You looked at his face, he was frowning, looking at you sadly, he didn’t believe you. “Truly.” you squeezed his hand, before hurrying off.

You were happy to find the bathroom unoccupied. Closing the door quickly, you locked it and slid down to the floor, the tears came as soon as you were alone. Why’d you always have to ruin everything? You thought miserably. Why couldn’t you just play your part? Was it really so hard to follow along in a conversation? And now you’d probably embarrassed Flip, or stressed him out, the last thing he needed was more stress, he worked so hard and he deserved to just enjoy himself for once but you had ruined it. The thought made you cry harder, and you had to pull your arm over your mouth to muffle your sobs.

Suddenly the sharp sound of knuckles wrapping the door, and someone jiggling the locked doorknob interrupted you. Great, now someone had heard you. You held your breath and, not knowing how else to send the message that the toilet was occupied, you kicked the cabinet across from you softly, hoping whoever was outside would hear and seek out a different bathroom.

“y/n? It’s Flip, will you unlock the door please?” called the voice on the other side. Shit shit shit. You’d been caught mid-breakdown and now he was going to have to pick up the pieces, or maybe he’d just leave you already. Accepting defeat, you scooched over to the door, it unlocked with a soft click, and you scooted back to your old spot. You pressed the heels of your palms harshly against your eyes, trying to compose yourself as you heard the door open.

“Oh honey,” Flip cooed softly, closing the door behind him and locking it again. He crouched down in front of you, gently pulling your hands away from your face, holding them in his, running soft circles over the back of your hand with his thumb. “What happened?”

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry Flip.” You cried as fresh waves of tears trickle down your cheeks.

“What do you mean baby? Ain’t got nothing to be sorry for.” he reached up cupping the side of your face in one of his rough hands, gently wiping away your tears.

“I just,” you sniffle, “I just feel like such a burden Phil, you do so much for me and I can’t even do this one event for you without going and s-spoiling everything.”

“Oh sweet girl, come here,” he moved, sitting against the wall, he tugged you into his lap, one hand found the back of your head cradling it in the crook of his neck, his other hand rubbing up and down your back, soothing you. “My sweet, sweet girl you couldn’t be more wrong.” you cried harder, clinging to him. “You do so much for me, you don’t even know, pumpkin. You’re so so good to me. Wish you weren’t so hard on yourself.”

“But-but.” you hiccup.

“Shh, this is my fault baby I-”

“No!” You protested pulling away to look at him, you took a deep breath gathering your composure. “You didn’t do anything Flip, I’m just being ridiculous I-”

“Gorgeous, listen to me.” he interrupted, grabbing your face. “I don’t tell you enough how much you mean to me. You are so dear to me honey, you hear me?” he stared at you and you nodded. “And I am so proud of you.” he leaned forward, kissing your forehead, and you grabbed one of his arms, holding it fondly.

“Proud of me?��

“Mhmm.” he hummed, pulling back to look at you again, his hand wandered to your face, affectionately moving his knuckle up and down your cheekbone. “Saw you out there, mingling, making friends for me.”

“I didn’t do a good job though,” you laughed sadly, looking away. “Had to give up and go running back to you.”

“I love when you come running to me baby, makes me feel loved,” he grins. “Hey, look at me?” you comply immediately. “You’re not a burden. Understand me? Couldn’t even be one if you wanted to. I love it when you let me in on your problems, ok? Love when you let me take care of you. You gotta promise to tell me next time you feel this way, got it?” you nod. “Promise?”

“I promise.” you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him again.

“That’s my girl.” he praised, pulling you tight to him, rocking the two of you back and forth, making you giggle. You sat like that for a moment longer, before he patted your thigh, signalling you up. You pulled yourself to one side, no longer straddling him. “Let’s get out of here,” he said, leaning against the wall to stand, pulling you up with him.

“We don’t have to.” You offered, still feeling the tiniest bit guilty.

“I know,” he said leaning down to kiss you, “I want to.”

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

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I adore talking about this with you, it's so cool to be able to agree, everything I've read is just excusing yen lmao.

And with "geralt would rather do and say things Yen wants to avoid pissing her off" LIKE YEAHH I guess I annoyed yen with my answers and she teleported Geralt out of the tower thing, and then threatened to do it again like??? Like he pissed her off so she has fuck all care about him, was over water thank god but like girl??? omg and her refusing to tell the wticher bros what she was planning on doing to Uma, like I get that they would be hesistent but I mean it's cause it's cruel and painful and they have that trauma around that. She just expects everyone to do what she asks when she asks no questions. (Lambert's "I'm not geralt" when he and Yen are kinda arguring, bb red flags)

I just assumed she didn't believe him cause if she did whats her excuse for behaving how she is lmao??? Like you believe he has amnesia and you still blame HIM over the person who maniplated him KAY.

And goodddd that fucking scene when Triss and Yen see Ciri in Kaer Morhen is genuinely the worst, Triss and Yen see their sis/daughter (not gonna get into how weird I find it that Triss considers Ciri her sister and Geralt is Ciris father and she still wants to fuck him, uncomfy) for the first time in forever, she's alive and well and while Triss is hugging Ciri, Yen kisses Geralt and Triss throws a glare at her. I hated that scene so damn much, it's stupid and shouldn't have been there. (aso I get emotions and all but Yen kissing Geralt is so bitchy, idk even full of gratitude and emotion I wouldn't kiss the man who just dumped me lol, especially not in front of a situation like Triss)

I'm still mad about the women, I really wanted to like them fuck meeee

YOU GOT TO THE PART. Oh thank god, anon, I've wanted to talk about this since we started these conversations lol

Okay, let's set the scene, shall we? You arrive to find that, with our playthroughs anyway, your ex has barged into your home. I say "barged in" because although we (Geralt) know that Yen's help is necessary and she'll be tagging along, the other witchers living there are given no prior warning and, according to Vesemir, Yen teleported in without so much as a "Hello." She then immediately starts ordering everyone around like her servants, failing to explain the situation beyond there being a curse that they have to help with. No, this isn't negotiable. She (still being an ex) takes your old room for herself, which just happens to be the biggest in the keep, and proceeds to toss a bed out the window. It's only later that Vesemir recalls that Triss used to use it, so prior to that everyone apparently just accepted that Yen was destroying their stuff for no understandable reason. Classic Yen. You go upstairs to find her cursing a blue streak at her failed experiment and when you try to lighten the mood, she snaps at you. If you're of the opinion that Yen's every order must be obeyed, this is when you're supposed to drop the conversation entirely, because she said to. Except, funnily enough, you'd like to know why she's up here being The Worst Guest Ever and destroying your property. She tries to justify this by saying that destroying a bed is better than how she could be dealing with her anger over Triss. Be grateful and all that. Except, it's not really about Triss, is it? The line is "You shagged my friend. For upwards of a year. I don't know what your witcher's code says on the matter, but ordinary folk would consider it obscene, base, vile." The blame is not on the woman who knowingly manipulated Geralt into having sex with her while he was vulnerable, it's on Geralt himself! He is the "obscene, base, vile" person for... daring to have amnesia? And when you point that out - "Yen... told you already. I lost my memory" - she yells that she's "lost [her] patience" and teleports you into a lake! This is, apparently, how she really wants to deal with her anger. Not by destroying beds, but by attacking you for things outside of your control. And I do consider it an attack. Yen is meant to be insanely powerful, she is leveraging her magic as a weapon here, particularly when Geralt has spent the whole game commenting on how much he hates portals. Yen knows this. Not just because he says so in her presence, but because she frequently reads his mind, something else he's expressed discomfort with. She's not just demonstrating her power (controlling) and sending him away when he makes a point she doesn't want to acknowledge (immature), she chooses the one thing she knows makes Geralt uncomfortable, perhaps even scared. Then when you've swum your way back to shore and returned to, despite all this, begin her list of chores, she makes a dry comment about how next time she just might drop you high enough for the fall to be fatal. With the next time implied to be, you know, the next time you disagree with her. The next time you dare to do anything other than agree with her every belief and jump at her every command.

The fandom interpretation of all this: "Lol Geralt getting yeeted is so funny. And their banter is just 😍"

Me:

You mentioned red flags and yeah like that ENTIRE SCENE is a crimson banner for me. I mean, by all means, love the fictional ships that are super messed up (I often do), but it astounds me how many fans honestly think this is just a cute interaction with absolutely no problems attached. Nothing to question here, folks. I've mentioned before, but last I discussed this in depth the asker wanted to know if I'd been an asshole to Yen and... that's it. That's the perspective. Any disagreement with her, any pushback, anything that's not complete, blind obedience is something she will not permit AND something most fans take as a given. If you're not doing what Yen tells you to, you're automatically the asshole, and if you're the asshole, you automatically deserve any punishment she chooses to dish out.

Comic spoilers coming up if you want to skip, but this is made abundantly clear in "Curse of Crows." Yen and Geralt are at their best in the moment below, enjoying one another's company on a nice day. Yen asks if Geralt wants to swim and he says nah, he'd rather watch her. She appears to like that idea and, indeed, swims naked while Geralt admires from the shore.

Actually cute right? I really liked this moment! They're cuddled up together and exchanging smiles. It's a rare moment of peace where I can believe that they truly care for one another, outside of passionate sex and not wanting the other dead. Finally, something beyond that incredibly low bar.

...except Yen starts flirting with a young man who shows up, invites him to travel with them, all while refusing to explain why she's interested in his company. The sudden third wheel is clearly bothering Geralt, but Yen continues to ignore his questioning. The answer she finally gives later that night?

She did it purely to mess with Geralt! It's his "just desserts" for "refusing to swim with [her]." She is "not one to be refused - I thought you needed reminding" by giving him "a flick on the nose." When I say that Yen treats Geralt like a dog I mean she literally treats him like a dog. He's a servant who must jump at her every command and if he doesn't, he'll punished for disobedience. He might not even know why he's being punished for a long stretch because Yen enjoys making him think she's a normal person capable of accepting that he doesn't feel like swimming right now - insert the Kaer Morhen scene where she wants to go have sex upstairs, but Geralt wants to catch up with the brothers he hasn't seen in an age here - only to reveal that actually she's made their formerly nice outing uncomfortable because he needs to be put in his place. All of which is followed by, "So... willing to join me now?" The message is very clear! Geralt had better get his ass in that tub unless he wants to be punished some more. Whether he wants a bath right now or not is inconsequential.

This is also the run where she scares the women Geralt was with, despite them being separated right now. Why? "I could."

Claims that Geralt is allowed to return to his companions (who he actually waves away) only for him to realize she's cast a spell to burn him with the water. Yen loves pretending she's okay with things only to punish Geralt for them later - sometimes with physical punishments. And what would have happened if the women had actually joined him again? Do witchers weather hot water better than the average courtesan? Who knows, but Yen clearly doesn't care who might get hurt.

Just like her time in Skellige and at Kaer Morhen, she refuses to explain what's going on. She just expects people to obey her, so-called loved ones included. Geralt was to get her cider, and arrive before her bath went cold, not question what they're doing on this dangerous hunt. He's a servant.

And my favorite, petty moment: transforming her awful inn food into a lavish meal without offering to do the same for either Geralt or Ciri.

"But, Clyde, that's just the comics. They're not really canon." Nah, questions of canon aside, this is 100% Yen's characterization. She's prideful. Immature. Beyond controlling. And punishes anyone who dares to tell her "No." Fans are always pointing out that she's meant to be horrible, she could have been a villain in another life, like any of that explains why I'm supposed to root for this relationship or enjoy her existence outside of being a complex character. Yen is interesting, but she's interesting in a "I can't wait to see her get her own just desserts" way. Not "Wooo now I get to watch this story ignore her behavior again to push a True Love narrative."

She punished Geralt frequently during their first meeting, she punishes him whenever they get together, and, I think, she punished him during the reunion with Ciri. Given our playthroughs, do we really think that after breaking up with her and all this fury over Triss - an anger so deep she destroyed the bed and attacked Geralt - she's just overcome with such joy that she forgets they're not together anymore and forgets the anger she's been nurturing for years? Yen doesn't forget. She's staring at Ciri during that moment, right where Triss is currently running towards them, and then after a considering look at Geralt pulls him in for that kiss. That was calculated. She did that to make a claim she no longer had. To punish them both: make Triss uncomfortable by playing at the "perfect" family reunion; make Geralt uncomfortable by kissing him when she knows he doesn't feel the same way. But of course, the popular reading is that she just loves him so much she couldn't help herself. Riiight.

It's just all SO BAD. (Including, as you say, the ickiness of having Triss lusting after Geralt and referring to Ciri as "little sis.") I love a lot of the women in Witcher - Cerys is a fave, Ciri, Saskia, Philippa, Keira, etc. - but the two I'm supposedly meant to fall in love with are just the worst lol.

Basically:

Half the fandom: TEAM TRISS 🤬

The other half: TEAM YEN🤬

Me: TEAM REGIS 😭

#witcher #mymetas #long post

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thedreadvampy · 4 years ago

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taken from @totopopopo

Why did you choose your URL? I legit could not tell you that with any precision, I've been using it so long. Vampy was a nickname I took on at like. 13 in like 2006 on an old roleplay forum bc my friends used to mock me for being awake at the point friends in the Western US were going to bed late. TheDread...I mean it's a Princess Bride reference for sure, it definitely went 'there's no Vampy username available on X platform so let's try TheDreadPirateVampy' but idk when or how I lost the 'pirate'

Any side blogs? A few! Obviously there's my art blog @ongoingart, but there are a bunch of weird and abandoned ones uhhhhh there's @rotefashion which is where I collated visual inspo for my MA, there's my Trauma Blog which I only give the URL out by request and my Sexy Stuff blog which NOBODY gets the URL for, there's @transexclusionaryradferengi which I largely made to keep Arguing With TERFs off my main, there's some I made at uni in like 2013 (@invisibleladycock started as a NSFW art blog but ended up just being me and my pal shooting the shit, @whatasillyoutfit was a daily outfit blog I quickly abandoned, and then @hellacollective and @chooseyourownsmut were collaborative projects with uni pals) and so on.

like I never delete things and I've been on here for like 10 years so. BUT. ongoingart and very occasionally rotefashion are the only ones I've used in years.

How long have you been on Tumblr? Too Bloody Long

Do you have a queue tag? I never learnt to queue and I'm not starting now you will get flurries of uncurated Content and you'll damn will like it.

Why did you start your blog in the first place? God I really don't know stop asking me to remember things

Why did you choose your icon? I did Pride makeup for like the first time in my adult life and I really liked it. also my old photo was me at like 16 and very steampunk and it kinda. no longer represented my vibe. idk why my icon has always been a photo of me, I'm just That Vain ig.

Why did you choose your header image? It is one of the paintings I'm proudest of and I just. I really leveled up on light and atmosphere in that one. again. vain. (also until last year I was mostly Robin Hobblogging on here so 🤷‍♀️)

What's your post with the most notes? Extremely the Blobbyland one it has literally like. 28k. then the Piggate one which has like 10k. basically my notes always have a few people in them saying 'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ENGLAND'

How many mutuals do you have? How all I meant to know this? (and honestly given how much my social circles have changed while I've been on here I can't keep track of who's still active anyway)

How many followers do you have? 1541 because you bitches can't follow instructions and keep me at an even 1500. also that's Too Many Followers and simultaneously like is it idk what classes as a lot.

How many people are you following? Like 430 I pretty much only ever unfollow people of they make me actively angry to see them and even then I often don't like. I barely use my dash so 🤷‍♀️

Have you ever made a shitpost? I will direct you to my 3rd and 5th most popular posts which I call the Ragging On Toryboy Elias diptych. is that shitposting? what qualifies as shitposting?

How often do you use Tumblr every day? CONSTANTLY IT'S A PROBLEM I USE IT UNTIL I RUN OUT OF CONTENT THAT SCRATCHES THE BRAIN WORK ITCH AND THEN I SIT AND REFRESH IT

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? CHRIST have I like I swear I don't go out of my way to start shit but I seem to be everyone's Discourse Mutual all the same. anyway I mean obviously there's the Stuart Semple thing the TMA discourse the Pride discourse etc but tbh mostly I get anons so idk. which blogs I'm beefing with or how many of them there are.

How do you feel about the 'you need to reblog this' posts? Fuck off no I don't performative bullshitttttt

Do you like tag games? YES I CRAVE ALL INTERACTIVE CONTENT but in practise all my tags are boring

Do you like ask games? I LOVE TO BE TALKED TO

Which of your Tumblr mutuals do you think is famous? idk like all my art mutuals are more popular than me. also probably @alientoastt and @milfkarlmarx on pure mechsfandom clout

Do you have a crush on a mutual? no half my active mutuals are Children no offence. and also I don't do a lot of crushes and them I do have I save for irl pals 🥰

tagging @milfkarlmarx @silly-slacker-person @trisshawkeye

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ikdrama · 3 years ago

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≫❥ hi, hope everyone's doing good. so um i've been inactive on tumblr for a long time for many reasons; whether it was 'cause of losing interests, life getting in the way, etc. i neglected this blog and kept leaving and coming back. i've been on this platform for years now and kept switching between other platforms for the times i've been mia on here. i've tried out instagram, then came back to tumblr, but switched again. i changed between interests—from photo editing to gif making to graphic design to video editing and now back to using photoshop again for making gifs, hopefully. for topics from kdramas to kpop to western back to kdramas, etc.

≫❥ however, i feel like tumblr still holds a space in my heart closer to home unlike instagram. perhaps because it's where i initially started out that i grew more attached to this platform. also maybe i'm getting older and most people on here are the og ones, they're more at the same age range as me, unlike instagram. age has never been an issue to me, i have friends who are much younger than me and those who are older (but mostly young ones) and they all are very dear to me. but i guess i just needed some friends with a closer age range too.

≫❥ i have made some lovely friends on here and i'm forever grateful for those sweet times. however, over the years when i abruptly left tumblr, i had also lost touch with them. so, i might have no friends left on here which saddens me a little but that's all on me and it's okay, i can always try getting in touch with them again, right ? but i'd love to make new friends and reunite with my old ones, so please feel free to message me anytime you wanna be friends, my dms and askbox are always open <3 (doubt anyone's reading this at all lol but it's worth the try i guess heh).

≫❥ anyways, what i'm saying is, i'm coming back this time for real, or at least try making a better effort into taking good care of this blog. i used to be a content maker (mostly creating gifs) but stopped at some point and only rb posts now. frankly, over the time dramas would have a less impact on me, i wouldn't be as much interested in them as before and switched interests but then again came back to them, just now i'm not up-to-date with the on-air ones, i would watch a drama that i find being interested in, so it's random and inconsistent, i don't watch a lot of dramas like i used to (surely my list of watched dramas became quite poor too oof). but i do watch some every once in a while when i find the time and am in the mood for it. my personal favorite genres nowadays are thriller/action/fantasy/comedy dramas with slight romance (teenage romance makes me cringe now when watching those, idk maybe i'm just getting old lol).

≫❥ but another reason to why i stopped creating content was also because i was too focused on whether my post reaches a wider range of audience ? i would get scared it wouldn't get much attention compared to the time and effort i would give into working on my original content. surely, this would bring the content creator down but at the end of the day i chose to be here because i find joy in making the content i wish the world to see and it's still okay if the whole world wouldn't see it as long as i shared it on my blog and me myself am satisfied with what i'm posting. this applied to all the platforms i would use as a content creator. so, one day i just stopped looking at the numbers. and my mind was much more at ease. now every time a post of mine blows up or it would get more recognition than usual, it would make me happy inside and i would be grateful but on the other hand if it would flop, i wouldn't care anyway and still be okay. and why is that ? well, that's because life comes in the way. other things happening irl outside of social media would keep my mind busier than having myself wasting my time by sulking over some digital numbers online. and i guess that's when one's perspective on wanting to gain more recognition on social media changes.

≫❥ anyways, i went a little off topic there heh. so, my blog would mostly consist of the dramas i've already watched or the ones on my watch list or if i find a pretty gifset, i'd rb it too :) i'm rambling on for too long now, oh god, my apologies (i mean i doubt anyone's reading this but that's fine, it's like more for me to get this off my chest).

≫❥ i guess with this post i'm trying to announce that i'll be back to this blog being more active with rb posts and i will also start making content again, but this time it'll be mostly different from the content i've been making so far. my usual content would be creating simple gifsets of scenes/dialogues but i've come across so many artistic and beautiful gifsets that i'd like to give it a try. also since i'm not up-to-date with on-air dramas, making gifsets of the dialogues and scenes from those dramas wouldn't happen—by the time i'd start those dramas people would have made gifsets of the scenes already anyway. this would mean for that kind of content i would give in a much greater effort into making the gifs looking more artistic/aesthetic and that's why i'd post less of my original work. but i'll still try to keep the blog active by rb other people's posts in q of course. however, right now my life is a little bit of a mess, i'm standing on a thin line between education and career, so i'd need some more time to sort this mess out first and then i'll change things up with my blog. i'm excited to come back though; this blog is still getting love from people even at times when it was completely dead and it's still growing which surprises me a lot and i am truly thankful for each of your support. i feel like i don't deserve this, i've been a terrible owner. but i'm willing to change that once i get my life atm together hahah.

≫❥ though i'm not sure how tumblr works now with the changes over the years, i'll just do me and somehow try and revive this blog again. i come back on here because i feel content browsing my dashboard seeing all these beautiful posts on here and i truly wish to come back to being a content maker like these wonderful artists too.

≫❥ ngl, i miss getting on/off anon asks in my askbox (although i wouldn't get that many but it still made me smile every time i received one no matter what it was about as long as it wasn't offensive <3). i missed talking to my friends and people on here. i missed rb ask game posts and get excited whenever someone reacted to it. i miss posting original content and reading other users' tags and them fangirling about a certain topic. i missed the times when i was interactive with my followers/mutuals. i miss the old times on tumblr. when i would have friends on here and a community that was warm and supportive. i wish to experience all of that again.

≫❥ lastly, thank you for listening (if you're still here, doubt so though hah) and so sorry you had to read through this all, i rambled on too much i guess oof. but if you're reading this please know that you're an amazing person. hope we could become friendsʕっ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ~♡

。.❁stay beautiful:·ﾟ*

·☾ﾟir。

#personal #did not expect this to be that long but um hi hello let's be friends;w;#<send me anything nice in my askbox on/off anon & i'll wuf u 4eva:3 #announcement #ily

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ohnobjyx · 5 years ago

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Idk much about the c- entertainment industry, so what are the chances that these 2 will actually get to work together again in the future? what with rumours about an upcoming drama flying around and the amount of backlash both have received from their cpf, is it possible that their management would let this happen?

Hi, anon! Wow, this was the first ask I received, but the answer is such a difficult one that I took days to start writing. I’ve thought much about this, but I still think that my answer carries a certain naïveté, because the entertainment industry is a complicated one, much more than we can imagine. I’ll just update this if I get corrected or find out something new that changes the content of this post.

In short: in my opinion, it won’t be soon (if ever).

(Long answer behind the cut. The longest until now. Happy reading!).

Disclaimer: while this is not all fake, we are talking about very hypothetical scenarios and in no case I believe them to be absolutely true. Bear in mind that I’m an outsider to the entertainment industry, that my knowledge is superficial and may carry my own interpretation of the industry, which may not be accurate. From here on, I express my opinion, so I may be wrong.

First of all, it all comes down to money.

Both of them work for different companies, WYB for YH and XZ for WJJW. It’s been said that these two companies are rivals in every sense of the world in the entertainment industry (I got it from this post), so I think a new collab between them would have to bring them a lot of benefits for them to give it a green light.

But all the same, while one of them is getting profits, the other one is getting them as well, so it may not be in their best interest to collaborate. Just keep in mind that the c-society is a very competitive one, so I think that just because of this it would be very difficult for them.

Then how did they film The Untamed?

They both got their roles by participating in the casting by themselves, without the support from their companies.

WYB was criticized by his fans for trying again and again for a role in a BL drama, instead of a sports drama. He lost some fans because of this, so I don’t think YH would be delighted by this.

XZ got his role earlier, but it was all the same trying by himself. I think he said in an interview that he had to get to the site on taxi, paying himself.

Edit: XZ was actually recommended to the producer and the casting chose him because of his smile. He was offered the role and he accepted it (so WJJW still had nothing to do with him getting the role). The thing with the taxi was one of his earlier projects, when he was still relatively unknown.

But at the time, they weren’t so famous, so their companies let them do as they pleased. In my opinion their reasoning went along the lines of “if it’s successful, it’ll bring us money, and if it’s not, there’s nothing better for them to do”.

That was before, and now things are extremely different. There are more profitable things for them to do, the companies won’t let them “waste” their time in shows they don’t consider as lucrative. Even if they want to collaborate, now their companies are more invested in them, so they aren’t as free as before to choose what they want to do.

And we have to take into consideration how their relationship is with their company (remember, this is my pov, maybe irl it’s completely different).

I believe that YH encouraged WYB to look for works as a tv show host and as an actor, as well as producing solo songs, since it was difficult to promote UNIQ in China with the hanliu ban from the government.

However, WJJW’s CEO did say that they would like to center their employees (such as XZ) in works more related to music, such as boy bands. They don’t encourage the idols to try acting or other works. However, XZ is better known as an actor, not as a singer, so this placed him in a difficult position, from which he tried to get out of (in the trial between XZ and WJJW in May 2019 XZ withdrew the charges and they settled it out of court).

Okay this was the economy of the issue. Now comes the funny part.

If they were to collaborate again soon (as in the next 5 years) they would need to settle this: are you two together? And preferably a lot sooner, rather than announcing it with their next drama together.

If they are cast into a usual heterosexual relationship drama, no matter what role they are cast into, fans are going to ship them together. This could affect the rest of the drama, to the point where I think there’s no exaggeration in saying that the company of the actress may reject the female lead role if these two are in the show. Fans would make the relationship with her as a point of comparison to WYB and XZ’s relationship, and that’s bound to be bad for her.

If they are cast into a BL drama or a series with no relationships, they are again going to get shipped (it looks like that’s the end point no matter what), and that’s bound to affect their future projects.

Consider it like this: there are already voices doubting about their chemistry with the female leads in their upcoming dramas (let’s be real, that is a real concern since their 默契 is really something else).

If they announce publicly, officially, that they aren’t together (this would be if one of them got a girlfriend), there’s bound to be disappointment from bxg. They are gonna lose bjyx fans, maybe some of the fans will turn into antis, and they’ll be accused of “leading the fans around”, “playing with them”, and so on (the worst of it is that I don’t consider this unlikely). Collaborating would be difficult, but not impossible, after some time. And probably not in a BL drama, that’s calling for trouble (or maybe they’ll be braver than me and do it, but it’d certainly put a strain in their relationships).

If they are together (hypothetical, remember?), and they announce it as they are now, they’ll never get a decent role again. Sadly, they’ll have this “gay” tag that will affect any role they act in, even though their acting in The Untamed was due to more than just their chemistry together.

However... if they were to come out after it has been set that they are very capable of acting in heteronormative dramas as well as BL dramas, things may be different. They’d still face backlash, but they’ll have a nice economic mattress to land on, and they wouldn’t be out of projects, probably. Couples collaborating in films and tv series isn’t completely unheard of, but it would be rare and it’d take some time too (we are talking of years here).

If they are a couple, I don’t think they’d come out completely, not as the lgtb situation is right now in their society. They’d just do what couples do, without ever stating it plainly, because they’d still want to avoid “the big waves”, but it’d be an open secret.

So for now, I guess they are trying to strengthen, to consolidate themselves in the industry before they do anything, either denying that they are together or confirming the rumours by doing something absolutely telling (even though, for me, this video of sneakers and ice-cream was quite telling).

(By the way, even if these poor people weren’t together, they still wouldn’t be able to deny the rumours right now, even though it affects their upcoming dramas because of 1, backlash from bxg, 2, “of course they’d say that”, “they have something to hide” and 3, there has always been ridiculous pairings in the fandom and celebrities just mostly let them do as they please).

Just the backlash XZ has received from 227 will make it very difficult for Yu Sheng (The Oath of Love, 余生，请多指教) to air in less than a year. I’d say it’s very probable that The Legend of Fei (有翡, in which WYB is the male lead) will be aired before Yu Sheng, even though they finished filming later. It’d be a disaster for the production if the antis were to boycott the drama, so I’d say that they are waiting for things to calm down before airing it.

They do have another option... which is let this fandom and the scandal die with time. They’d stop feeding the fandom with kadian and veiled signals, and with time (as in 5-10 years) people will have forgotten all of this enough for them to work together again. Bjyx would be brought up as a thing to gossip about, maybe, but it wouldn’t bring them so much scandal. This is one of the least likely options, in my opinion, because truth is that they have a close friendship, even if they aren’t together, and to ask them to stop being friends is outright cruel, more so in the industry they work in.

As for the rumours... words get carried away by the wind, I really think that the rumours are just that, and that (for now) there’s no project in which they’ll work together. But remember, I may be wrong, and I wish I’m wrong in this.

#wang yibo #xiao zhan #collaborating again #that would be a dream #but I think it will stay like that #a dream #it took me 2 hours to complete this #drop me an ask if you have any doubts about this #if I'm wrong please correct me #english is not my first language

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pixelatedrose · 4 years ago

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hi ro! im not sure if you celebrate christmas or not, but if you do, merry christmas!! and if you don’t, i hope you’ve still had a lovely day nonetheless :) ! you probably didn’t notice that i’ve been gone for a little- well not gone gone but- doing things have been hard haha. i would see that you posted, and i wanted to see what it was, but i just couldn’t bring myself to and i didn’t want to send you any half-hearted asks. but i’m back i’m definitely gonna need another box you did so much ah-

I want to start off by saying: i 100% noticed you were gone- and i missed you m8!!! I don't mind that you were gone bc personal time and life comes up and i get that- but i missed you sm m8!!! I remember self rbing a couple things and waiting for you to come to my inbox, and i started to worry a bit if something happened to you- ily m8 and i really really hope you had a wonderful day too (also yeah i celebrate Christmas aka chrisllowaster(christmas-halloween-easter))

The poem was about not beinga able to meet expectations [when you have already accomplished things that are far important to you] and tbh i think my favorite line is "my hands bleed paint onto a journal untouched while the sky cries for its lost child who fell from grace and yet still defies it's wishes." Or somthin like that idk I'm quoting off of memory.

I was really excited about the story i have swimming around in my head for the "memory memories remember me" chapters! I'm glad you like the imagery and stuff, and i knew i really wanted Schlatt and Wilbur to have a talk before Wil became Ghostbur and stuff. I'm glad you liked it :D

I remember when i first drew Techno i kinda just looked at popular designs and went "yeah i can do that" and that's where my thought process ended slsjakask. I wanted to take a much more creative and unique approach to what i wanted in my design, and I'm glad it turned out as well as it did! I'm proudest of the crown and cape i think- the crown, i decided to make a more of a brassy gold than a gold gold cause i wanted it to be a little bit of both silver and gold and wanted the jewels to be like shattered gems and sea glass he would just add to his crown as he found them. And the cape- its hard to tell bc its a front view, but its actually angled. Its long on one end and really sort on the other, and again its hard to tell cause of how i shaded it, but the inside is supposed to be a shimmery shiney golden-orange :D

The Story Tag thing i did with Wil technically isn't completed quite yet (i have some more storry i want to add from Techno's side) but we kinda took a break i think cause Christmas. And thank you!! Wil is a good friend of mine and an excellent writer!! They have a lot of potential and i love seeing them write and reading what they've done since it seems they've just started recently on their writing. Its excellent, Wil's excellent, and i love bouncing off his dialogue and story :D

All in all: i missed you, Anon! I love that your back, i love that you're not gone, and i love you! Sorry the response was long, i just wanted to hit a response to everything you mentioned! I love talking to you and you're always so kind and wonderful

Merry Christmas, i hope you've had a fantastic day 💛💛💛

#anon ask #anonymous #ask me things

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scottybrock · 5 years ago

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Neighbors (5) - Colby Brock

A/N: Requested by a lovely anon: “Hello, I was wondering if you could write an imagine where reader is a youtuber with her friend and they move into the same apartment building as Sam and Colby, and the reader and Colby meet and it’s all cute and fluffy. Maybe she’s lost in the building and that’s how they meet?? Or something? Idk!!”

Tag list: @azurebrock @absolute-randomness-forever @absolutelynobodyposts @lovelycolby

You crept around the corner, your eyes glued to Colby’s door. It’d been another few days since Jake had dropped what he knew on you. Your heart was still aching in your chest, but you were stubborn- you weren’t ready to talk to Colby yet, so you wouldn’t. You definitely weren’t ready to talk to Lindsay yet, and ask her what the fuck she was playing at. Why she had kissed the boy that you were falling for, that she knew you liked. You wanted to grab her by her hair and yeet her down a flight of stairs.

The hurt was slowly forming into anger. Why did Lindsay do that to you? What did you ever do to her, to deserve that? You were always there for her, through her ups and her downs. All of her scandals. Everything. Every tear she cried, every laugh she laughed, you were there through it all. You supported her, you loved her like you would a sister. Instead of giving you that same love back, she took a knife and stabbed you straight in the back. Instead of supporting you, she kissed the boy you liked.

You hurried to the elevator, hurriedly pressing the button over and over again. Fuck, what was taking so long? You felt someone’s presence by your side, but you didn’t dare to look. You knew who it was; it was just your fucking luck. You kept your eyes glued on the doors in front of you. When they finally slid open, you practically threw yourself into the elevator, silently hoping that the floor would fucking swallow you up. The last place you wanted to be, was in an enclosed space with Colby Brock.

You kept your eyes on the doors in front of you. Colby stepped into the elevator as well, his bright blue eyes scanning your figure. You were wearing leggings that clung to your ass, and a tight, white t-shirt. You wouldn’t look in his direction, and quite honestly, he couldn’t blame you. He felt lower than low. He felt like the worst piece of scum. When he found out what he did, he immediately tried to call you. It went straight to voicemail. He texted and called for days. He wanted nothing more than to show up on your doorstep to beg your forgiveness, but the fear of you slamming the door in his face kept him confined to his apartment, and his apartment only.

Katrina had let him know, in so many words, how badly he fucked up. How hurt you were. How you wanted nothing to do with him anymore, because he turned out to be just like everyone else who hurt you. He hated himself more, every single day that passed by without you speaking to him. He knew he fucked up- that the chances of you ever speaking to him again was very minimal. The worst thing was, he couldn’t blame you.

If only he’d pulled away sooner. If only he’d gone after you, when you left. If only… If only he could’ve kissed you first.

Colby cleared his throat. You didn’t react, your gaze never leaving the elevator doors. Suddenly, the elevator jolted. Colby stumbled, trying to regain his footing. You screamed, terrified. Then, the elevator stopped. Colby’s eyes widened. You slammed your finger into the flashing ‘emergency’ button over and over again, your eyes wide with terror. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” You screamed, your finger slamming into the button repeatedly. When the doors didn’t open, you kicked at the doors as hard as you could. “Get me the fuck out of here!” You shouted, your voice frantic.

Colby reached out to pull you away from the doors, but you jerked away from him. “Don’t fucking touch me,” You hissed, your voice shaking. Your voice wasn’t the only thing that was shaking- your hands were trembling violently by your sides. Colby backed away, lifting his hands up in a gesture that signified that he wouldn’t try again. You kicked the doors again, your hands shaking even harder. “Let me out!” You screamed, your voice bordering on a wail.

You sank down to the floor, your whole body shaking with fear. You were claustrophobic. Being stuck in an elevator was one of your biggest fears. “Please,” Your voice was a whimper. You looked up at Colby, your eyes swimming with unshed tears. “Please, get me out of here.” Colby’s heart broke at the sight of you. He slowly sank down next to you, chewing nervously on his lower lip. “Is it okay if I touch you?” He asked, not wanting to overstimulate you.

You nodded, the tears spilling over and down your cheeks in tiny rivers. Colby immediately pulled you into his arms, rocking the both of you back and forth. “It’s okay,” Colby’s voice was an anchor, keeping you steady- stationary. “It’s okay,” He repeated, pulling you closer. “I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

Colby rocked you back and forth, until you stopped shaking. You wilted against him, exhausted and embarrassed. “I’m sorry-” You began, but Colby cut you off. “You better not be apologizing for having a panic attack,” He told you, his voice stern, but not unkind. “It’s not in your control. There’s no need to apologize, I promise.”

Your mouth snapped shut. You allowed Colby to continue holding you, too tired to try and pull away. The two of you sat in semi-comfortable silence. Colby began stroking your hair, his movements soft and soothing. You sighed, resting your head against his shoulder, your eyelids drooping.

“Why’d you kiss Lindsay?” You asked, your voice small and sad. Colby squeezed his eyes shut at the sound, his heart aching in his chest. “It’s going to sound like an excuse,” He began, but you cut him off, your voice sharp. “Tell me anyways,” You begged. You closed your eyes, not wanting to get sucked in by those beautiful blue eyes.

“I drank too much,” Colby confessed. “I drank too much, and then she pretended to be you, and I didn’t realize it wasn’t you, until it was too late.” You were silent. Secretly, you were fuming. But not at Colby. She pretended to be you. Lindsay pretended to be you. She covered his eyes, imitated your voice, then kissed him while he wasn’t sober. Lindsay was the reason you were hurting- it was her fault. She took advantage of Colby- she knew he wasn’t sober, and she did it anyways.

“I hurt you,” His voice was soft. “I hurt you, and I hate myself every single day for it. I should’ve come to you the moment I realized it, but I was too scared you’d slam the door in my face.” Your eyes slowly fluttered open. Your eyes met bright blue that were full of hope. “I,” You hesitated. “There’s a possibility that I might’ve.” You agreed. Colby’s lips quirked up at the corners. “Understandably.” He replied.

He hesitated. “What I want to know,” His voice was soft, hesitant. “If you can give me an answer,” He added quickly. “Do I still have a chance?” His eyes were so soft, so earnest, you felt your own eyes well up with tears once more. You quickly brushed your tears away, then smiled softly at him.

Truly, you weren’t exactly sure if Colby had done anything wrong- he was drunk, and he didn’t even realize that it wasn’t you… The fact that he thought it was, and kissed Lindsay, thinking it was you, made your heart flutter in a strange way. He thought it was you.

The elevator jolted once more, then began moving once more. Colby wrapped a protective arm around you, practically shielding your body with his own. His eyes were focused on you, waiting to see if you were okay. The elevator dinged, signifying that you were at your destination. You slowly stood up, letting Colby’s arm fall away. Colby stood as well, shoving his hands into his pocket as he waited for your answer, his eyes focused on you, and you only.

You let out a soft, sigh, then nodded, your eyes twinkling ever-so-slightly at him. “Yeah, Brock,” Your voice was gruff, but your smile was soft, gentle. “You still have a chance.”

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