#my adhd rarely lets me be hyper fixated on things for more than a month

[mollythebrave]

It’s been a whole year since I first started watching The Mighty Nein, and remarkably I’m still obsessed!! I’ve ordered myself a shirt and a bumper sticker to celebrate :)

[dstrong-18]

How my mind works as an INFJ (Ni-Fe-Ti-Se) 6w7:

Disclaimer: This is my own personal experience, take it with a grain of salt if we have similar typology.

I will try to separate how each function works but it will most likely blend together; it’s kind of a package deal. And this will mostly deal with emotional processing more than general processes.

As an INFJ, my emotions are intense, as one would assume from the stereotype. There are days when I don’t feel much of anything, but it’s due to my subpar mental health (depression, anxiety, and ADHD). Using Ni as a dominant function, I easily pick apart the reason why I am feeling a certain way- to the point of even predicting my emotions within hours. Depending on how intense and personal this emotion is, I get in an endless loop of what-if scenarios after I narrow it down to a few possibilities. It’s concerning since it can get to the point of obsession (possibly hyper-fixations due to ADHD), especially if there are loose ends and limited information. That would make more things possible and many different scenarios flow through my head, whether I wanted them to or not. These thoughts can get stuck on a similar topic/experience anywhere from a couple of days to a few months. Keep in mind this is subconscious and easily done with minimal mental effort; sometimes it even stimulates/entertains my brain if the emotion the thoughts create are positive. I actively entertain these thoughts when comfortable, yet bored (usually when I’m alone)

Notice how my Ni has a habit of focusing on feelings/personal matters. My auxiliary Fe helps me not only to read people, but also to infer even how I feel based on my verbal reactions and physical sensations due to this knowledge. I do focus on people a lot, as they consume my thoughts more than other topics. It is common knowledge that INFJs care about others and read people easily, which applies to me, so I will get straight into how I personally use the information I gather. I can look at someone, even a total stranger in public, and can just tell their general mood; even when they try to hide it (usually, this actually makes it easier since people cannot hide microexpressions). Sometimes they’re expressive with how they feel so my inferences are more detailed and have more context. Other times it’s just a general “vibe” I pick up. As helping others comes naturally, this helps me to discern what is “wrong” with someone and get multiple ideas on how to solve it. It also unnerves most people when they figure out they’re basically an open book to me. It is rare where I don’t know the general intentions of people I interact with, directly or indirectly. Since this is, for the most part, easy, I get unnerved and disgruntled if my deductions are wrong or do not help (or if I have a difficult time reading them in general). If I see you frequently and I cannot read you well or I am not sure of how you feel, I will most likely get interested in you as a person to figure it out. I also use this to gauge how I should act/react to certain situations around certain people. When I am comfortable or just tired of “masking” (or under the influence), I let my words and actions flow more freely. However, I am yet to meet someone I can completely empty my mind into without them getting weirded out/judging me. Several have come close, though. This “secrecy” with my mind comes with a fear of being judged, disliked, and/or rejected (RSD* due to ADHD combined with my 6w7 enneagram). I believe my Fi has developed a little more than other INFJs because of this. It definitely is not the most mature, but Fe does help me infer my own emotions and beliefs, especially when verbalized to others because I discover how I feel as I try to conceptualize the idea. This helps me be at least aware of the basic emotion I am feeling/aware on whether I agree with the topics mentioned in conversation. Ni and Fe are rarely separated in my brain, unless my Ti is needed; then I try to stick to the facts as much as I can. Of course, this is not foolproof as I am more inclined to decide with emotions.

*RSD - Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, common among those who have ADHD, but it is not an exclusive symptom of ADHD.

When I do use my Ti, it works as the scale of judgement in my decision making. “Pros” on one side, “Cons” on the other, as in “what is the guaranteed good result in doing this” vs “what could go wrong if I do this”. It’s more complicated than it sounds, because after deciding the best course of action logically, I tend to also apply it on how it would effect me emotionally afterwards. This could tip the scales to another decision easily due to my avoidance of being hurt. This also brings distrust in the mix, as I go back and forth between which I should listen to and to what degree. And like how you would expect, even I can’t predict every instance of my life. The more frequently this happens, the more self-doubt I accumulate. This also will cause me to isolate and over-analyze my decision with more what-ifs (back to Ni). My Ni-Ti combo also makes me a firm believer in the butterfly effect.

Se is a bittersweet thing to me, especially with ADHD. Usually I discover things (such as nature, books, music, art) on my own and like it that way, as I don’t have to analyze people; I can focus on what I am seeing or experiencing. I crave these new experiences, but if I don’t initially like it or get bored in the middle of it, I get under-stimulated and try to retreat from the activity or experience. If it is a situation to where I have to stick it through, I will get frustrated, and therefore, more emotional. Se also makes me appreciate the beauty in things, tapping in with my Ni to see things others don’t notice; to this day I am entranced whenever I see forests or a beautiful painting I have never seen before. This also makes me open to trying different things in the bedroom instead of sticking to the same habits; although I don’t have a problem with that either. Se can also overstimulate me. I can get overwhelmed because my mind is so active that when paired with the five senses, it overloads my brain with excessive exposure. So while I appreciate it when it’s associated with positive emotions, it can also make me spiral if it gets out of control. And INFJs love control, whether they want to admit it or not.

And now on to my enneagram, 6 with a 7 wing. This means I have the traits of a Six, but also share some with Seven. At first, I didn’t think this fit me at all. Sixes are usually associated as people pleasers and extroverted, always trying to “rescue” people. However, the point of the Enneagram typology is the basic desires and fears of an individual; and therefore the person’s main motivation in life. And not to say those traits don’t apply to me, I just don’t display those as often as it makes it seem, or as strongly. Essentially, it wasn’t my top defining traits from my personal perspective. I related more to the weaknesses of the Sixes with a Seven wing, such as being sensitive to criticism (even when I logically know it isn’t personal), a habit of doubting myself and even others constantly, and caring too much about image. Image being, in my terms, looking “put together” or “presentable” aesthetic/fashion-wise. I am not delusional; you can’t always look perfect, but if I can I will. 6w7s have a primary fear of losing their support system, as they cannot see themselves from an objective standpoint. This leads to me having no sense of self. It is often expressed as humor at my own expense and wanting assurance. I recognize this as needy, and usually try to keep this at bay. However, I have a tendency to like my friends more if they comment on how they view me or notice small things, usually positively. I can blame this on wanting to know how to improve/know myself as a person, but it’s mainly my basic fear contributing. Which leads to my basic desire: to feel safe, secure, and supported to the point where I can really be myself. And the idea of that scares me, because anyone can do you dirty at the drop of a hat. In other terms, I am terrified of being vulnerable. This leads to me expressing my adoration to loved ones and providing them with their own reassurance. Mostly because I care for them, but also wanting the same in return. That doesn’t mean I won’t like you if you don’t, but I tend to be happier around those who appreciate what I do and reciprocate it. This also causes me to place a high value on honesty, integrity, and transparency. I tend to be loyal and committed, and dislike liars and cheaters for obvious reasons. Despite craving validation, I try to tone down my personal problems unless it affects the group. However, this usually backfires when I make too dark of a joke and others start to worry. Even then I try to play it off unless I can tell they’re seriously concerned. There are other traits, but you can get the gist of how 6w7s operate by their basic fears and desires.

When my MBTI and Enneagram are put together, creating an INFJ 6w7, it is almost laughable from my standpoint. By literal definition, I should (outwardly) be an immense people pleaser, needy, and really passive. However, I recognize that part of me isn’t desirable. In suppressing those traits, others have become more pronounced. I try to use logic in necessary situations, which is usually effective; more so than what is said for INFJs. I am usually organized, but it’s never consistent due to my ADHD scatterbrained trait. I’m not difficult to know if you ask for the information; I just don’t want to shove my whole life down your throat. People have told me I am intimidating and unapproachable at first glance, but nicer once they talk to me a few times. I am not saying these would “invalidate” my typology combination, but it is definitely not common. INFJs are known for being warm and inviting and I don’t feel like this represents me unless we are close.

There is literally zero information about my specific type. Which is okay, I’m not basing my identity on typology. It sure is interesting, though, and easily seen in others’ behaviors and emotions. This makes this a more plausible theory than most, as it’s more tangible.

But yeah, there you go. Feel free to ask any questions because I’m sure I left out crucial info and context😭

[tim-burton-bitch]

Since I saw (and reblogged) a post talking about not slamming on peoples interests because it takes away enjoyment and I brought up also saying “obsessed”. I’m going to talk about WHY you shouldn’t say obsessed or talk about how someone loves “cheesy” shows or “kids” shows or overall slam someone’s interests.

To start off, not everyone has CONTROL over how their brain starts viewing something after you say something about whatever they enjoy. Especially neurodiverse people or people with mental disabilities.

I am going to be referring to a lot of this from my perspective as someone with depression anxiety and ADHD please remember this isn’t a one size fits all experience. While the general idea stays the same everyone experiences this differently and you shouldn’t be slamming on people’s interests whether they have mental disorders/are neurodiverse or not.

Starting with enjoying things and having them called stupid, it sticks with you. You know someone is judging you and if you know the person well it’s worse. A stranger I try to talk to about something says it’s stupid is going to stick with me because I feel like they feel I’m stupid because of it and all I’ve done is embarrass myself. If I know the person it’s even worse because their opinion matters more to me. If I tell a friend about a show I’ve started watching and they tell me it’s stupid it rings in my head EVERY SINGLE TIME I WATCH IT. That people find it stupid. That people find my enjoyment childish. I can’t help but take it personally. ESPECIALLY with RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria).

RSD means I WANT validation sometimes I NEED it. I feel drained and lack enjoyment in life and want to talk to someone to prove to myself they like me. That I’m likable. Having that person or anyone judge me for something and I KNOW it, always weighs on my mind. I start to wonder if I AM childish and stupid. Even if I know I’m not. Now every time I go to experience that enjoyment I hear the “it’s stupid.” I hear a “you’re stupid for liking it” through that and it sucks the entertainment from it.

Moving to the saying obsessed. OH BOY could I go on about this. ESPECIALLY with hyper fixations. It is ONE thing for ME to say I am obsessed. It is ONE thing for me to let someone in particular ON OCCASION joke about me being obsessed with something FONDLY. That is in the sense they find it endearing and when they say it and not often it feels to me like they are saying they’ll never grow tired of me.

NOTHING is better than when someone who’s opinion I care about or I want to like me listens to my rants even if they aren’t in the fandom or whatever I am hyper fixated on. And they tell me it’s fine and they like listening to me go on about it. And that it isn’t annoying. Or they say they like listening to me go on about how obsessed I am. But only when it’s someone I let say it’s an obsession and they do it very rarely.

(note: this is also that I talk about other things with them because my hyper fixation is NOT my personality and if the person is REALLY not into what I’m talking about I refrain from the subject with them except the rare occasion when something big happens)

Having people talk about how obsessed you are drains you. It feels like they think it’s all you like and often times some people TREAT IT like that. It gets repetitive and annoying.

I don’t want EVERY TIME I’m trying to talk to someone about my current hyper fixation someone to bring up and LAUGH about how “obsessed I am”. ESPECIALLY if they refuse to acknowledge my clear discomfort and dislike for such jokes.

Having it brought up all the time makes you not want to talk about it anymore because you get tired of being laughed and teased for it. And then you lose interest because you can’t talk about it. So you move off of it.

For example I had gone back into a Percy Jackson hyper fixation a while ago and my godfather WOULD NOT STOP TEASING ABOUT IT. I have yet to read Tyrants Tomb because I can’t enjoy the material as much as I want to.

He has painted it as a huge part of my PERSONALITY like it’s WHO I AM and not a LARGE INTEREST of mine instead.

That was two years ago and I still cannot make a single comment about the series without five jokes about how “obsessed” I am. And how he “saw something I would react to in ___ way” because of “just how obsessed” I am.

I’ve stopped talking to him about the series entirely. I stopped talking about it with him TWO YEARS AGO. I haven’t been able to pick it back up as an interest because I still get hit with these jokes.

I’ve stopped wanting to see things I would “love” even if I do because it’s always about how “obsessed I am”. It drains hyper fixations faster and can leave me grasping at air for one.

After Percy Jackson it was Miraculous Ladybug and I was told over and over how STUPID the show was. EVERY TIME IT WAS ON. He would make fun of the poses and stuff.

It’s one thing to make fun jokes like that when you also acknowledge the shows good points and that you are just doing it for the fun. And when you stop if it’s bothering someone. But doing it every time and slamming on someone’s interest and asking how they can like it drains entertainment.

Moved on from that fast. Still like the show just not hyper fixated on it right now.

I moved from it TOO quick. I was left grasping for a hyper fixation. Something to enjoy enough to rant about and immerse myself deep in a fandom for. I was left like that for MONTHS. Before returning to Harry Potter and then dropping that after a lot of “obsessed” jokes. Left grasping once more for almost a year.

The thing is because of all of that? I don’t want to talk to my family about my hyper fixation. I’m afraid of being laughed at for it being “stupid” or being called “obsessed” with it as they laugh and I don’t.

I’ve talked a little about Sanders Sides (current hyper fixation) but not once with my godfather. Because I don’t want to lose interest quickly. It HAS an effect even if YOU don’t see it.

So please please PLEASE for the love of god STOP SLAMMING ON PEOPLE’S INTEREST OR JOKING ABOUT HOW OBSESSED THEY ARE!!!