#my MOM gave it to me for CHRISTMAS.
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i must be real with you all. 2018 was a dark time for me.
#my MOM gave it to me for CHRISTMAS.#i had to open that in front of family and explain it#WORST PART?#I KEPT IT FOR YEARS.#Y E A R S.#mortal kombat#johnny cage#mortal kombat x reader#mk1#johnny cage x reader
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i'm feeling very targeted by my lego calendar today lmao
#SAD CLOWN#also yes i am the kind of person to have a daily lego calendar#my mom gave it to me for christmas c:
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Being included in family stuff with a family that isn’t yours is a different kind of love
#when my bfs mom invited me to Christmas last year and gave me a hug and told me she loved me#I almost exploded
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my favorite moment during the booting ceremony and thankfully captured and shared by xzs, was ZZ opening the money envelope! it’s for good luck of course but it’s so cute how excited he is to open it and look at the money inside 😂😂😂
turns out it’s 800 yuan! not bad!!!!!
#xiao zhan#i am literally the same last christmas lol#my mom gave us envelopes and i was the most excited 🤣🤣🤣🤣#i don’t know what that says about me 😂😂😂😂#it never gets old ya know
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WE GOT THE KEYS TO THE BEACH HOUSE BABY
#WE ARE SO BACK#my friend's parents love me and said i could visit any time so ????!??! they gave miffy the keys and told her to bring me 'whenever i want'#holy shit i need a moped or something so i can go alone and chill by the water#it's a 4ish hour drive so we probs will wait to go on special occasions but if i was in possession of them#i would be there right now sitting on the top bunk in the 3rd guest room holy shit#im so happy her family likes me#T^T#my surrogate mom and autistic dad lmao#they are so sweet and cool and im honored to be their fake son#well like we watched christmas movies and made food and went to see lights i think im actually their son now<3333#plus they are like really supportive on like me being trans#also apparently (friend) dad got drunk the other day and was telling my bestie that he really likes talking about stars and space w me#they specifically gave her the keys to the beach house bc they saw how happy i was when i was there i love my second mom and dad so much <3#anyway#if i drop off the face of the earth in the future it's bc im in the ocean trying to swim to uh well...#also *dad when i met him for the first time when we stayed there for thanksgiving just got diagnosed w autism and like would only talk to m#which was fine bc i get it bro im here for you; but he was like so happy to have someone who understood him#and i was happy to be w someone who also got it#and her mom was also really sweet ah#i love the whole fame miffy's bf included; they make me feel so loved and taken care of#i ah; sometimes i dont think i deserve this kind of love and then! people go out of their way to prove me wrong
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Didn't felt like mentioning it immediately but shoutout to my sick and twisted brain for getting so triggered by an unexpected Christmas parade that I ended up havin the absolute worst panic attack of my entire life (potentially the only real one? I've had a couple other episodes I thought of as panic attacks but they were not even close to that so who knows) to the point where I spent the very last day of my 30th year on this earth in the ER, good times, good times 😊
#that was 10 days ago and i honestly was fine immediately after it ended so don't worry for me <3#but yeah this shit was crazy holy hell#like i knew intellectually that 'feeling like you're dying' is a symptom of a panic attack but *actually* feeling it is another thing...#and even at the worst i was like 'ok i'm clearly having a panic attack it's not nice but it's gonna be ok'#but there was a piece of my brain that was like 'ok but what if your mom or grandma had told themselves that...'#'when they were having heart attack? They would have died and so will you 😊'#and i was like shit can't argue with that better get my ass to the hospital before i die#spoiler alert: i didn't died#ironically enough the revolting state of our healthcare system is lowkey what helped me calmed the fuck down#because i was tiny but i do remember when my mom had her heart attack and they sure as hell didn't let her wait for 7h+#so when i realized that this is what was gonna happen after i spent a brief moment with a nurse i was just like...oh i'm fine actually lol#and then i had to go take the bus in my fake crocs that i usually never wear outside of the house smh#interestingly enough my phobia of hospital seems to have competely disappear! which makes me believe that it was more a trauma response#than an actual phobia#not that the name changes that much but still interesting development#also no i'm not wearing a mask because nobody gave me one#that's actually one of the thing that made me leave lmao#oh and btw the christmas parade is true but also a bit more complex than that#basically i had a full sleepless night and i was mad so i decided to go buy myself some weed#turned out that there was a huge christmas parade 5 minutes away from the weed store so i hade to find another way#and then i got lost on the way back#and saw no less than 3 big fights between different homeless people#including one man randomly kicking another man's dog (which kinda really messed with me tbh)#and then i smoked a big joint (first one in like 10 days) with 0 sleep and zero food in my body#and then i took the bus#and then the bus driver yelled at an elderly man for not waiting at the right place#and then i took a sip of water and for some truly strange reason my brain decided that the water had gone in my lungs#and that i was actively drowning#and the rational part of me was like...girl that's not what drowning feels like what are you even talking about??#and then my brain went 'well if we're not drowning than we're having a heart attack'
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Thinking thoughts about these tags at work today.
#specifically#armand knowing daniel's book has put his adult daughters directly in the line of retributive fire from other vampires#does he sit back and wait for the inevitable or does he intervene? does he use them as bait to catch vamps who would hurt daniel or louis?#we never got the blood amulet on daniel before he was turned and now he doesnt need it. armand's blood is in his veins.#what if armand gives one (or two) to daniel's daughters? but how to make them wear it without revealing himself?#daniel or kate finding the amulet in lenora's apartment after she's murdered.#armand visiting kate's home afterward incognito and opening his wrist to bleed om the bushes outside as a warning#I DONT KNOW MAN I DONT KNOW#also i am very attached to the idea of kate learning about vampires when she and her family are attacked and armand saves them#just because now armand controls the narrative#kate puts together that daniel became a vampire without telling her or her sister and then put a giant target on all their backs#and so when daniel starts arguing with armand about how he had met with lenora without telling him#and then revealed himself to kate and the grandkids#she takes ARMAND'S side because at least he was HONEST. at least he TRIED to protect them!#messy messy messy!#daniel holding up the blood amulet he found in lenora's things: and what you thought giving her this bullshit was gonna protect her?#kate: what are you talking about#kate: YOU gave her that when she was a kid.#daniel: wh--#kate: you gave ME the same necklace when I was like 8. I opened it on christmas morning.#kate: you even sent sybelle one when she was born#kate: i thought it was some kind of weird tradition from mom's side of the family in the old country...#daniel: ...#daniel: armand.#daniel: why did my daughters have vials of your blood as children.#armand: ... can we talk about this in private#(he says as they all stand in the middle of the freeway in California with Lestat's overturned tour bus on fire behind them)
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I love hearing about Kickstarter scams because it's always either, "Oh my god, how did no one see this was a scam/not going to work," or, "Yeah I'd have fallen for that too lol." There's no in between.
#ive never funded a kickstarter personally#but my mom has#thats how she got flamecraft#also a lovely deck of cards that she gave me for christmas once
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Hmmm thinking of being Baba Yaga for Halloween since I have the chicken leg stockings....
#the chicken leg stockings were given to my mom at Christmas last year and she gave them to me#I forgot about them until recently and now us around when I need to think up my Halloween costume#it works out perfectly#halloween 2024#opera omnia
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my christmases get more and more depressing every year
#and that’s on adulthood🥲#literally only got a gift from my mom and it was money#my dad didnt bother to get me anything bc my grandma on his side just gave me her car so i guess he assumed that’s my gift by proxy#which i get it but still it’s christmas and i thought i’d get more than 1.5 things🙃#i mean i got a stocking from work so thats nice and i know i should just be thankful#but i cant help but think the most recently about how unhappy little me would be with how we ended up:/#sorry to be sad on the dash
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family already arguing 24/7 and we still haven't had one Christmas dinner yet boyyy😭😭
#it's not even christmas eve for fucks sake. like wait a few more days at the very least😭😭#also it's either my parents proving they urgently need a divorce OR me fighting my mom about politics#being the only queer lowkey communist person in a liberal-ish family isn't easy but i know god gave me this journey for a reason🙏🙏#it's worse when it's not about politics bc then it's just me wanting to rip my male family members to shreds for the way they treat my mom#idk girl it's the same shit every year and it gets worse#AND Christmas only starts here on Christmas eve#we have Christmas dinner and stuff until early january at least#and a few family members' birthdays#sighhhhhh#send help#🫀#also#tw vent#??? or whatever
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im very much a beginner at sewing BUT i do think this turned out pretty charming despite all the flaws!!
#i made her for one of my best friends#its a tiny version of her cat and said cat is named tiny#never use stretch fabric as a beginner its hell to work with ough#i had fun though!! despite a few times i got pretty frustrated#i also was swearing up a storm and talking to myself quiety the whole time but that just helped me focus lmao#sewing#plushies#handmade#cat#yew branch#also someone who was there when i gave this to my friend came up to me shortly afterwards#and she asked if she could commission me for three of these bc she has three cats#i said itd prooobably be around $150 but id reduce it a lot if she paid for whatever new fabrics and matching thread id need#id be charging that high because this single plushie took me eight hours#but also the girl has a stetched septum at my goal size and i asked if she still has the various sized jewelry she used during the process#and she said yes and that she would be delighted to give them to someone who is just starting the process#she said she would give me them for free but if she does commission me im gonna give a further discount in exchange for the jewelry#her bf arrived to pick her up unexpectedly early though so she had to leave really fast bc he refused to wait :/#so i didnt get her contact info. but literally everyone at that hangout knows her so i can just get her contact info from them#im pretty excited about this tbh itd be wonderful to have motivation like that to get back into sewing#even if she doesnt end up commissioning me its still a confidence boost that she asked me!!#also the friend whos birthday it was (shes a new years eve baby!) LOVEDDDD this plushie im so happy she cried and gave me the Biggest hug#so im delighted about that i forgot how much i love giving people handmade gifts aaaa#and her mom said it looks like itd be in a folk art museum???? which was sweet but i dont really think so...? it did make me happy though!!#im also going to sew various gifts for other friends for late christmas stuff bc its fun :} and i really love giving people gifts#making things for people and surprising them with said things brings me so much joy like every time i make someone happy with smth i made#it feels like it adds like 5 years to my lifespan#i might go start working on another friends gift rn im in the mood to Create... axel if you see this brace yourself#not gonna tag this with rambles bc its my own post i have the right to be chatty#yew sewing
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when i was in high school my bus driver used to forget to drop me off every single day & i was painfully shy so i wouldn’t say anything & just hoped she’d notice or one of the other kids would say something & i would have to sit through the entire route so she could double back to my house before i got to go home :/
#& now i have many hangups on being ignored & forgotten & left out#after my mom left my dad she would watch tv w my sister every night but i was never allowed to watch w them & had to watch alone :/#in fifth grade we did grab bag for christmas so everyone would bring one gift put it in a giant bag & then you’d pull one out…#i brought a gift but then i was the only one left at the end without a gift cause the grab bag was empty :/#so my teacher gave me a gel pen :/#it was a nice sparkly gel pen but still :/
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Someone put a reeses in my fuckin Christmas mailbox at work 😭 bestie are you trying to kill me
#rice rambles#context/ansehelm lore 2.0: im also allergic to peanuts LMAO#ok reeses is canceled out by the lil nightmare before christmas doll someone gave me so this will be the only post complaining about it#i cant remember her name is it sally? from nightmare before christmas? the lil doll is so cute im very happy lmao#need. a plastic bag or something to transport poison candy back home. will give to my mom so she can give it to her bf or something#no one in my house likes peanut butter anymore bc it worries them about piisoning me lol
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ajdjajsjjKADJAKDJJS
#my client gave me $400 for christmas???? omfg 😭#i love my job i know i complain sometimes bUT#it was so random too she was like ‘just wanted to give you this as a little bonus’#GIRL YOU JUST PAID MY RENT FR#now i get to keep all my money for the rest of the month and put it into savings 🥹🥹🥹#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#be good to people and they’ll be good to you is2g#also meant my clients mom not my client#but my client already gave me a $200 bonus for xmas#and then they said we’re gonna skip all the xmas craziness next year and go to pagosa to relax???? pls omg#this year was insane and the holiday really wasn’t that great so i think it would be better to just skip it in 25#and do something lowkey 😭#OH AND#i forgot if i mentioned#but my trainer wants to work for my client so!#we’ll see how that goes#i think she’ll do good she’s cool#as long as she doesn’t hate me if it doesn’t work out bc she’s a great trainer and i wanna keep working with her LOL
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Trauma-versaries are no joke
#neither is arguing with your mom mid mental breakdown to get your point across#I love my mom#I really do#I am blessed for my relationship with her#but it’s a fight to get her to understand how some of her actions gave me consequences in adult life#‘I feel like I messed up as a parent because you’re not happy’ is NOT the thing to say to help me#I get that she has to beat it into me that I need to do more to help my case when it comes to making friends irl#but I’m still fucking mentally ill and burnt out#me being the forgotten child because I had to act like I was okay while my brothers were also going tf through it#so much touched on tonight it’s painful to go over everything#but merry Christmas I guess#here’s to always getting the fallout of my parents issues that are unresolved#amelia speaks
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