#my 5 year old cousin is like. genuinely out of control

[idontmindifuforgetme]

It punches me in the gut to see the effects of bad parenting. Like your parents literally set you up to fail in real life

[wpdarlingpan]

For the sibling one with Coriolanus snow, you could do one like in the future with Katniss and sibling, not knowing anything that's been going on?

Or

Like it's when he's President and sibling wants to get married?

Hey Everyone!

IMPORTANT (Please Read)

Thank you so much for all of the love of the platonic yandere Coriolanus! I thought this idea was exciting so I wanted to build off of the idea of it going into Katniss's time as suggested by some readers. But, I did not want the reader to be as old as they would be if it were to take place at the correct time canonically.

So I am going to move the time forward a little bit to where a part of it will take place during Catching Fire. It would usually be 65 years in the future with CF being the 75th Hunger Games but I am going to make it take place on the 25th making the reader only 15 years older. I was imagining them being 5 or 6 years old so I am going to say they are 20 when it gets to that part.

Sorry for that entire big explanation, just did not want to confuse anyone and just pretend it worked out with the timeline.

My Little Snowflake (Part 2)

Platonic Yandere Coriolanus Snow x Little Sister Reader

Female Pronouns

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Obsessive behavior, manipulating, normal Hunger Games warnings

Click Below For The Other Parts <3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3?

Coriolanus wasn't expecting everything to change as it did. But it was almost... nice. He was able to spend entire days with his little sister whenever he finished training or the peacekeepers were doing mental training, which he had already mastered through the academy. On the days he had to do training he locked Y/N in the room through an outside lock.

"It is for your safety Y/N, you don't want to be taken away from me, do you? There are evil people out there, savages.”

"Then why'd you bring me?" She asked genuinely curious. Her Grand'mam and cousin were probably lonely without her, she also missed them. Even if Coriolanus was her main family it didn't discount them any less. He gave her a forced sympathetic look.

"I couldn't imagine my years without you Y/N. I love you. You're my little sister, my snowflake." He picked her up and held her close as a few forced tears fell from his eyes.

The thing was Y/N was very empathetic. She worried about everyone and everything feelings, from her classmates to a small bug. Which meant Coriolanus crying was going to make her cry, he was her older brother after all.

She started crying a little as he comforted her "I love you too Corio, I am just scared. I don't want to leave you, I promise I'll stay here." she spoke in a watered voice as she held up a pinky for a pinky promise. He wrapped his around tight as he kissed her forehead.

Within a few days of being there he found Lucy Grey.

The peacekeepers went to The Hob to have some time off and a little fun, which had different meanings for different people. Coriolanus didn't even get close to the alcohol, he was not giving that sort of impression to his sister and he wanted to have full control over himself so he could best protect Y/N.

That's when she went on stage and they saw each other. Lucy Grey liked him, but all he saw was a means to an end as he thought of how he could use her to watch over his sister.

Even when a fight broke loose, he did not join in, he picked up his sister before pushing her head into his neck to hide her eyes from the brutality.

When he went to find her in the forest, he brought Y/N.

Lucy was singing a song when she heard a twig snap behind her making her turn around quickly.

"Sorry... Instincts from the games." She looked down and saw a little girl hiding behind his leg. Lucy Grey was always adept to little kids, their eyes shone differently than adults. They were innocent. Bending down she made a show of peeking around him to see her. "and who is this little lady?"

"My little sister Y/N." Lucy Grey looked up at him with a shocked look. Not because he had a little sister, of course, that was all he talked about when they mentioned their families to each other, but the fact he would subject her to the fate of living in the districts with little money and no one to watch her.

Y/N peaked around and smiled at the girl, remembering what she's heard and been told of the songbird.

From that day on when Corio had peacekeeper training, Y/N would stay with Lucy. It was rare he would allow someone to watch over her without him present but the idea of someone entering the room or her without supervision wore on his mind.

Sure Sejanus had followed him to District 12 but he wasn't allowing his sister to stay alone, He was worried about ideals he would place into her head.

He told Lucy that his family wouldn't watch over her and since he was sent out here they made her go with him. Lucy usually was really good at detecting lies but to him. this wasn't a lie. e didn't trust his family to watch over her without him.

It was one of Lucy Grey’s days to watch her and they went out to the lake to pick flowers to make crowns out of.

“So what’s your favorite color darlin' ?” She asked the little girl as they crouched by each other picking the prettiest flowers of the bunch.

“White! Like Corio hair and our white roses!” She said giggling after all it wasn’t completely white. But then she saw a flower close to the same white “Like this!”

Lucy nearly swooned at the adorable child. It was hard to image that she was the sibling of Coriolanus Snow, the man who is so focused on surviving the world around him he forgets to live.

“Were you.. excited to come with your brother?” Trying to gage her reaction, making sure Y/N was okay when she wasn’t around.

“I do miss Tigres! And Grand’mam but Corio wanted me to come with him. I don’t remember leaving…” Y/N trailed off but her mind instantly got distracted by a little white flower.

Lucy Grey was confused about how the girl didn’t remember leaving the Capital but shook it off as a child’s memory. After all she had no reason to suspect otherwise.

But if she looked into it more, she could’ve seen all of the signs.

~*~

When the opportunity came to return to District 2. Coriolanus did not hesitate. Sure he would lose out on someone watching Y/N but it was a safer district and by now she was used to being in the room. She wouldn't disobey her big brother either by attempting to leave it. he knew best after all.

But he still needed to pass some tests. Things to ensure his loyalty. Why have many little tasks when they can be done in 1?

Sejanus was communicating with rebels, forming a plan to leave the Districts and live on their own beyond the walls of Panem. Sadly, he wasn't very sleek about it nor could he leave without telling his 'best friend'.

He suggested that Coriolanus come with. Bring Y/N and live freely without hurting anyone.

"Do not pull me into this. Rebels almost killed me with that bombing, or do you not remember?"

"Come on Corio! This is bigger than us. If you won't go what about Y/N? A kid does not need to grow up in the Capital watching others kill each other in a so called 'game'. Is that what you want for her?

That was Sejanus's mistake. Questing is protection and love for his sister.

It made his decision for him and he ended the recording on the jabber jay the second he declined the offer leading to Sejanus walking away.

Corio put Dr. Gaul's name on the box and sent it off with a weight off his shoulders. If this did not prove his loyalty to the Capital, they were stupid. He just caught a traitor. Maybe some indirectly but, one from its own walls.

That marked 3 killed by his doing.

When it was time to leave he gave some thought out spiel to Lucy Grey. He wouldn't make an enemy out of her if it was not needed. Sure she was hurt since she had practically fallen in love with the boy and his darling little sister but Lucy being Lucy knew the hold his little sister had on his heart. She wouldn't want to hold him back from getting her somewhere safer and to him that meant the Capital.

After he left Lucy Grey was never seen again. She did not tell him she was leaving or where. So he had no reason to accuse her of being a traitor.

Leaving them to part nicely.

-Time Skip 5 Years-

It was now the 15th Annual Hunger Games. Technology had greatly advanced throughout the years leading to an even better arena, one that wouldn't be easily blown up.

Coriolanus was working to prove himself so he was still residing under Dr. Gaul. He had forbidden her from watching the games. He didn’t want the violence harbored in her young mind. But he wasn’t there to stop her.

He was overseeing the interviews and the games, leaving Y/N home with Tigres and Grand’mam. When the game interviews started, they begun watching on the projector with her sneaking out of her room just enough to see it without them seeing her.

That’s when she saw the tribute from district 4.

Finnick Odair.

He was the youngest in the game at only 14 years old.

Y/N instantly had a little crush. She was only 10 so it wasn’t like it was true love, but his charm was noticeable to her and sadly the rest of the capital.

Tigres felt sympathy for the boy, the idea of it being Coriolanus harboring in her mind but now all she can picture of him, is his father.

When the games began and bets were made. No one could predict the outcome.

Especially not Y/N as Tigres noticed her sneaking out of her room and made her go back inside, not wanting to deal with the wrath of Coriolanus nor did she think Y/N should be seeing this at her age.

Somehow Finnick won. Making him the youngest Victor in the Hunger Games.

Of course, the lavish capital had a party for the elites after the games commenced. The idea of 23 deaths had not even crossed their minds.

Coriolanus went to build connections and Y/N begged him to go with.

"No Y/N, I'm sorry. It is too dangerous." He said trying to convince her in a way that worked many years ago.

"Please! I really want to get dressed up like you! I wanna see what you do" She begged and pleaded and Coriolanus hated seeing her sad. He almost missed those days back in the districts where Y/N was only his. But, the proud big brother in him was proud of how she's grown.

"Fine, but you're staying by my side the entire time. Swear?" He said holding out a pinkie. He found it silly after all it does nothing to prevent someone from breaking the promise but to his little sister it was sacred law and luckily it worked out for him.

Y/N squealed excitedly before linking pinkies and hugging him tightly as she profusely thanked him.

"Tigres, come to get Y/N ready. She is coming with," Coriolanus called out.

~*~

The party was as expected. It was decorated to the point someone would call it crowded. Avoxes were bringing hors d’oeuvres and drinks while the Capital was dressed classy but slightly over the top.

It didn’t matter that the winner was 14, it was a party made for the adults. Especially the game makers and everyone who had anything to do with them. Even the egotistical sponsors.

Coriolanus and Y/N walked in hand in hand as he made a small show about holding it out to her. She giggle enjoyably as they walked down velvet steps.

Coriolanus was talking to everyone, getting their name and status indirectly as he talked to them. One would think they would spill their darkest moment if they were left alone with him.

Even then not once did he let go of his little sister’s hand.

That’s when it came it Finnick. Coriolanus did not like the victor’s or anyone related to the districts. To him they were traitors and monsters. (If only he would look in the mirror).

So when they approached Coriolanus was on alert.

“Finnick Odair, newest Víctor. Tell me, what are you going to do with the money you were oh so graciously given?”

Finnick was calm and composed as if had been dealing with the Capital his entire life. Their questions and stares not even resulting in a mild flinch.

“Bring it back to my family of course.”

Y/N stood next to Corio, with a bashful grin as she stared at the boy. She had never imagined being this close to him.

“And who is she?” Finnick asked politely looked down at the girl who turned bright red at the attention. He simply found her adorable. Nothing bad about it.

“My little sister.” Corio replied as he lightly pushed Y/N behind him seeing the look that was reciprocated through the two even if it wasn’t known to the other. “We should be going now, I’m sure Mr. Plinth would like to talk to you.” He turned and began walking away as Y/N’s bracelet slipped off right at Finnick’s feet. He grabbed it cautiously as if he’d be attacked for holding it but nobody noticed and Y/N certainly didn’t mind after returning to the Capital with the money from Coriolanus’s win, she had more than enough jewelry.

He attempted to give it back but she was no where to be seen as her and Coriolanus left. He was angry and he was good at handling his emotions outwardly but he knew he was a fuse ready to blow when it came to his little snowflake.

Finnick kept the bracelet in his pocket, bringing it everywhere to go to remind him of the goodness in this world. Not expecting to ever see her again.

That was until the 25th Hunger Games, The Quarter Quell.

Taglist:

@dakotali

@repostingmyfavs

[springonyans]

10 things I would tell myself 10 years ago, my 16 year old self

You don't have to live with feeling like you don't deserve to. You are loved, and deserving of as many chances at happiness as anyone else (your friends, your cousins, and people you admire on the internet). The years that follow up will be difficult. But you will experience joy and love that you won't trade for anything else. I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't deserve to live at such a young age. Oh, did I also tell you that you end up finding a real, genuine love who cares for you so much? You won't even believe it. I still can't believe it til' this day.

You are smart, there is no doubt about that. But you need to learn how to maintain and grow from that, and build better learning strategies just like any other people. Do not rely on your memory and how you had a head start than most people to push you through the next part of your life. Work hard, put in the hours to really understand your materials, and don't think you're better just because it was easy for you in the previous 5 years.

You eventually got to afford nearly everything you want in your life. But you developed a strong financial responsibility that I am very proud of. You can still buy things you want, but you'll slowly find out that they don't actually add as much value as you want to just impress other people. PS: none of the things you bought actually follow you into adulthood. But the things people have given you - the things you appreciate greatly - they are still with you. I'm also proud of you for being responsible with money throughout your childhood and young adult years.

You end up visiting Japan, Australia, and South Korea. Isn't that crazy? You managed to fund most of these expenses as well from your new job. You'll do just fine without a medical degree.

You should've pursued all the things you wanted in life other than what was prestigious. There is a slight regret to the choices you made later on, but don't ever doubt yourself that you can't achieve those things. You can, and you did. Go with your heart.

Take care of your health. It only got worse after you reached an older age, but you need to stop punishing yourself for having an illness. Take a stroll.

It's okay to hate your circumstances. You're unapologetically true to yourself and I'm proud of you. It's alright to not like the people you live with, because they make you feel small. You only recognise that you were right to feel your emotions because of reasons beyond your control. You're doing just right.

You should start drawing like you wanted to.

You have the capability to take care of people you care about in the later years. You don't have to feel ashamed for your circumstances.

Spend more time with your mum. Forgive your dad. Talk to them nicely and try to cheer them up. They've rarely showed you times when they feel depressed as you are. And let me tell you: They do feel depressed, the way that you do. Your time with them is limited and is only reducing. You can live and still thrive despite the things you could not control.

I think I was really hard on myself when I was 16. I spent a lot of the years afterwards trying to understand myself. I didn't end up doing well in school as I did when I was 16. But that's okay, a lot of things turn out for the better anyway. I hope I can use this as a reflection for the life that I'm about to live next.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

5.31.23 Wednesday

8:14 am

Uncle Jun went to Georgia'Z forest...

Me? I have pelvic pain.....Drinking my coffee...Still,thinking of my life until when this kind of life will continue to exist, until when my plastics relatives perhaps will continue to control plus the other people linking on that particular group...

Until when those plastics group will claim that I'm their friend but they are not dealing with me on any issues that they made a decision without my knowledge...

Argh! My sciatica is aching now, down to my left leg... argh!

I'm so worried about my " deep smile lines"... Getting older for nothing... I hate it! Aging for no history....Aging for nothing plus I hate having "deep smile lines"...

In the Nutshell:

If uncle DD will start to live here, it is his way perhaps, the way I see things just to compete me which I can' understand, why...

I'm not being mean but if I do have an actual "guardian angels" do you think it is a fair story or fair situation here? That he is starting to plan his new image to be a "father figure" on the son of Aunt Karen...

These things happen year 2007, I'm always willing to do a recap for my "guardian angels"... I had have the windblow trap 2007, I had a personal issues with my "adoptive parent's"....

That "adoptive" word couldn't grasp by Uncle DD coz from the past years and probably the way I see it now, he will try to return to his old pattern of reversing me.... ( The mind of a real serial killer ).

Adoptive is an adjective word! Not documented not legally but took the role of an actual parent's on someone... Again, I was a good girl until I finished college but a son or daughter or any human that you raised at one point in life they can't always appear perfect...

Again, perfect is not being a super intelligent person but I was but God didn't allow it... God only knows... But thankful for the people who are genuinely willing to embrace me after all these years as their way of showing that I'm their friend....

Back to back story....This Uncle Jun tore his passport according to him... It is a strange behaviour as well... ( but not the main thing now... ).

Again, Uncle DD couldn't grasp the word "adoptive" he is always judging me that I'm just a baggage here, that I should move out already... These are his words from the past years and I'm doubting on his tight kindness,these days... But! There was and perhaps an on-going movement about me? Which I can't understand... Why?Coz I'm not part of their conversation or plans...

I'm gonna discuss about HELP here!

2:27 pm

Whew! I still have windblow trap... I feel bitter... I'm thinking of money and those unfair people just took away my years just to give me a sagging face and it hurts me so much...Coz I was nicely spoiled and I didn't do anything to harm anyone....I feel hurt coz I'm losing my original form... I miss going to gym and wanna do my foot collagen and down there and to remove my "deep smile lines"...

I feel like stabbing someone or a particular people who damage my personal timeline...

5:54 pm

Uncle Jun is already here...

My personal thing, I wanna leave the hometown... I'm still self-pitying... I can't exist to get a pull-up on mature and pretty and kind-hearted men....I have a windblow trap...

8:53 pm

I really want this Uncle DD be dead soon coz he will get my thunder here...

From the past months I prayed to kill the relatives who are having a bad plan on me... I also prayed for long life to the relatives and people who are good to me...

Whew! Uncle Jun said to text Uncle DD to bring a hose coz he will clean their new house...

I will start to have a vow prayer again, for my protection... Well, so good to have a funeral party if someone is really having a bad heart for family and friends...

8:59 pm

Remember my Uncle Totie the cousin of my biological mother and adoptive mother and these Uncle DD and Unce Jun...

I was really glad for his death coz he was weird he stayed here, for awhile... I was not yet aware of my maturity coz of this windblow spins on me year 2007... I think year 2012 or 2013 or 2011?? Uncle Totie died... Imagine it was tears of Joy coz I discovered a bad character coz he always told other people that this is my niece she is just simple and happy... I was confused that time... They actually lived here that year...

I didn't have any anger on them staying here coz Aunt Russel said it was just for the meantime... But Uncle Totie is weird for telling me that we should be happy being simple while he was drinking alcohol and we were watching porkchop coz that was his favorite...

The funeral wake of Uncle Totie was held here... It was just weird... A weird situation those days and until now... But now is somehow better...

Uncle Totie's 2nd wife is Aunt Russel....Hmmm... I was ohkay with Aunt Russel, only those days I had the chance to really know this Aunt Russel... Well, we were cool and in fairness those days that she stayed here that year, Aunt Russel has a good manners and she has etiquette...

That year that Uncle Totie and Aunt Russel stayed here with us for awhile, my mind was really confused coz of the windblow spins on me and I was brokenhearted that time and my memory wasn't complete yet...

Aunt Russel taught me to make a "palitaw" it is a Filipino delicacy, a glutinous rice that you need to boil in the water, you will know it is already cooked if it will float on the water.... ( So, bad I didn't float ).

Hmm...What else?

But! Lately, I was having doubt on Aunt Russel coz she is selling a gun on my brother RV....But why not on me?

And in a way, we don't need a gun here now coz of our situation... Owning a gun is a big responsibility and must have a 100% sanity and good situation in the family...

For now, I don't think so that we should have a gun here....Not now coz as I observed everyone here is having a complex and a changed of behaviour every now and then such as Uncle Jun, RV and Uncle DD...

My brother next to me RV I know he is carrying something... I'm sensitive and I can't just understand as well, what is that heavy load???We can't have a gun here, for now... Not yet!

Well, Aunt Russel told me that Uncle Totie died in the bathroom....Whatever it is, I'm glad... I hope me and Aunt Russel had have a genuine friendship... Let Uncle Totie big body be buried in heaven...

[sohotthateveryonedied]

so i’m trying to write duke and i don’t think i’m writing him right. how would you describe his personality because with don’t trust fanon lmfaooo

(this was only supposed to be a paragraph or two i swear to god)

1. first things first, duke is a hardcore gryffindor. don’t let the yellow color scheme mislead you, okay. and while most of the time he’s depicted in fanon as “omg this family is crazy and i’m the only sane one,” it’s actually pretty much the opposite? if anything, i think the other batkids would be like “oh finally, someone who can match our level of chaotic energy. HEY DUKE WANNA BUNGEE JUMP OFF WAYNE TOWER—” and an hour later they’d all be in the batcave getting lectured by bruce for leading poor sweet innocent duke astray when really he was already planning on doing that this weekend.

listen, this is the kid who once jumped off a bridge to escape police. this is the dude who decided to fight criminals while they’re still eating their wheaties at 6am in a bright yellow suit. and while duke seems to be the best at following bruce’s command at the moment due to having been trained by him most recently compared to the others and is still figuring out how to be a hero, i’m positive that if bruce weren’t here to guide him, duke would be running around gotham taking down criminals anyway. i mean, he literally did do that with the “we are robin” kids. plus there was the whole thing when he was like ten years old and decided “i am going to singlehandedly stop the riddler in my light up sketchers and pikachu backpack. try and stop me.” 

duke is headstrong and has a strong drive toward heroism. he’s an extremely enthusiastic and passionate person in general, and i try to capture a little of that when i write him, even with mundane things like trying to beat his siblings to the last cupcake. 

2. another thing i noticed is that duke swears like a sailor in comics? seriously, this boy could give jason a run for his money with how many “@#!%” speech bubbles there are. i don’t know if this is just a trend the writers added in the comics i’ve read of him, or if it’s a genuine trait throughout every comic he’s in, but that’s something to make note of when writing dialogue for duke. after all, he did grow up in the narrows, so it makes sense that he’d use a lot of swearing and slang in his everyday vernacular.

3. i would also make a point of noting that duke is fairly young compared to the rest of the batfamily, being the second youngest after damian. duke is still a teenager in high school, and he acts like it. he’s got homework and friends and is eager to make a difference in gotham, trying to juggle everything and make it all work somehow. he’s stubborn and doesn’t give up easily, so it’s important to write him as someone who is trying to save the world while also struggling with finding time to study for his next math test. he's human. he doesn’t get to dedicate all of his time to fighting crime like cass or jason might be able to, since duke is still a mostly normal teenager with teenager problems.

4. and don’t forget that unlike the other batkids, duke still has two living parents. sure, they’re jokerized and might not ever be the same again, but they’re alive and that’s what holds him back from letting himself get as close to the waynes as he wants to. duke won’t be calling bruce “dad” anytime soon, and i think he’d have some internal struggle over stuff like holidays and birthdays with the waynes, remembering what his parents are missing out on and wondering if joining the wayne family is a betrayal to them. duke is very conflicted over this, even if he doesn’t say it directly. stuff like ducking out of movie night early or feeling a bittersweet pang during thanksgiving dinner makes sense for someone in his situation. 

(i usually ignore that aspect in my fics because i want duke to just be adopted and part of the family already, but not everyone does that, and that’s perfectly fine.)

5. honestly, duke is such a caring individual and we as a fandom need more of him being a shoulder for people to lean on because he’s?? so soft?? duke can be so sympathetic and rational when it comes to emotional problems. it seems like duke internalizes every bit of advice he gets from the people around him and uses it to inspire others and help them through their own problems. as tough and hotheaded as duke can sometimes be, he really is good when it comes to emotions.

6. duke is a smartass. he will 100% use sarcasm against any and every authority figure he meets, usually just for the hell of it. 

7. he’s very frank in general, usually the first to be like “okay full disclosure, we’re about to die right now. that sucks. anyway—” in a situation. he’s honest and tends to be upfront about his fears/anxieties, usually for comic relief, but i think it still counts.

8. okay i have to add that duke is also kind of a punk? he and jason have a lot in common because of this: they both grew up in one of gotham’s worse areas (jay in crime alley and duke in the narrows) and they’re both highkey deliquents. duke has no problem getting into fights or talking back to authority figures, and it’s gotten him in hot water on more than one occasion. it’s why he kept getting moved around the foster system before bruce took him in because no one wanted to keep him.

9. he’s also gotten so close with the other batkids and we love to see it!! duke calls cass “sis” and treats damian like the annoying little brother he never had and i adore every second of it. we haven’t gotten a lot of interactions between duke and the others aside from training and stuff, but he and jason have the whole “punk kid who got adopted by batman and is baffled by how rich people live” going for them, so they can bond over that. and duke is a thinker like tim, so they can hang out and do puzzles or play chess or whatever it is that smart people do. (and duke and steph are BESTIES i don’t care what anyone says.)

10. most of all, duke is still learning how the whole hero thing works. he’s young and he’s trying his best, but he also makes mistakes. he will be impulsive and screw up, and he’ll try and merge the lessons batman’s taught him and that his parents taught him and that other heroes teach him until it all makes sense in his own mind. duke isn’t experienced like dick or even damian, so he’s going to be lagging behind for a while until he grows until the role he’s made for himself.

other miscellaneous details to include: 

- duke is dating izzy, who used to be part of the “we are robin” gang with him - he used to live at the manor and now lives with his cousin jay, but honestly i just have him living at the manor in everything i write because i like it better that way - he can control shadows and light now! what a king! - duke secretly writes poetry and is good at creative writing in general  - this:

- duke is super smart?? he figured out that agent 37 was dick grayson without even trying?? i’m so proud of him - his biological father is this supervillain called gnomon so now duke has got four parents: his mom, his dad, his supervillain dad, and bruce (plus selina if you count her as the batkids’ stepmom, which i do) - jason calls him “narrows” and i love that

- and, lastly, the most important panel in the history of comics:

[istanleyff7]

TOTP, Episode Aerith, Scene 1-4

Final Fantasy VII Remake: Traces of Two Pasts Episode 2- Aerith Scenes 1 - 4

A Light Novel by Kazushige Nojima Translated by Stanley (@istanleyff7 on twitter)

Scene 1

Aerith Gainsborough was on Shinra Ferry No. 8, and like her friends, she was wearing a Shinra's military uniform. It was her first time on the sea, as well as on a ship. The ferry connecting Junon and Costa De Sol was unexpectedly lavish. Enticed by curiosity, she looked around the ferry. However, the wealthy passengers were not welcoming towards troopers. Driven away by the cold stares, she arrived at the bottom ferry's cargo hold. The goods and luggage were all over the place. Someone was already there.

"Hey, I heard this on the deck a while ago..."

It was Tifa Lockhart, clad in Shinra's equipment. One won't expect it based on her tender smile, but she's an excellent martial artist. She is a reliable companion, equipped with her unstoppable punches, diverse kicks and jumping power. It hasn't been long since they met. However, Aerith believed that the bonds that were fostered by overcoming critical situations were genuine.

"When you feel that you're becoming seasick, it seems that it's good to chat as a distraction."

"I see. Tifa, are you feeling sick?"

"Nahhh, I'm good."

"Me, too."

The conversation ended there. Soon after, Aerith noticed that Tifa wanted to speak. She's reserved at times.

"You wanna talk? Let's talk."

"I'd like to hear about you this time."

"Me?"

"I'm a good listener. You see, I am always doing so at the bar."

She straightened her posture and pretended to polish a glass.

"Hello, it's your first time here, isn't it. Where are you from?"

"Wow."

Aerith was in admiration.

"Do you live around here?"

"Nope. I live in the slums of Sector 5."

"I see. Sector 5 seems pretty lively too. Were you born there too?"

"Well...." Aerith hesitates to say. "It's probably hard to explain."

Tifa immediately sensed it. She had already spoken about her being an Ancient and about her being the last surviving one.

"Sorry, I've gone too far."

"Oh, not at all." Aerith denies it immediately.

"I was just a little taken back. There isn't anyone who says that they want to hear it, nor is there anyone I thought of telling. Well, you wanna hear it? You wanna hear it?"

"If it's alright with you."

"I'm good! I'm good!"

Scene 2

Ifalna, Aerith's mother, was the final pure-blooded descendant of the Ancients as both of her parents were Ancients. She was under the protection of Shinra. To collaborate with the various studies concerning the Ancients, she lived on the upper floors of the Shinra building for a long time. Except for having the freedom to go outside, she had a room that provided almost everything. Aerith lived with her mother, but she couldn't remember the day when she first entered that room. Her first memory was in that room too. As everyone around was adults, the only person she could call a friend was Ronnie, the son of Ifalna's caretaker, Mariel, who brought him along. He was two years older than her.

It was the year 1992. Aerith was seven years old. Her head was suddenly flooded with images. She saw not only landscapes and people that she had never seen before, but also the figures of animals and monsters too. Aerith's Ancient powers were awakened. The inexperienced Aerith could not only control these images, but she also could not ignore them. She painted on papers, painted on the walls and showed it to anyone who wanted to see them. She thought that by doing so, these mysterious "visions" would disappear.

Scene 3

"I understand now that up till then, I was a hostage, and to protect me, my mother had no choice but to obey Hojo. But because Hojo also knew that I inherited the powers of the Ancients, he was overjoyed. Because he discovered a successor, he started doing terrible things to my mother, which he hadn't done until then. And just like that, my mother's health began to break down..."

Scene 4

Because of Hojo and his fellow staff, Ifalna's “working” hours increased. She was made to work for Hojo's studies every day from morning till evening. She was weak every day, and she could not walk on her own. There were also times when Hojo's staff pushed her back into the room in a wheelchair. At that time, Fuzz Hicks appeared and was dressed in a lab coat. Out of all the staff that Aerith knew, Fuzz had the largest physique. His eyes, nose and mouth were huge too. He was a very trustworthy figure who easily carried Ifalna with his massive arms. 

When Fuzz came over, Ifalna begged him for medicine. She had a sad, sweet voice. Aerith did not say anything, but she did not like her mother whenever she made that kind of voice. She wanted her to be cured soon if she was ill.

“Fuzz, please…”

Aerith was almost sure that Fuzz knew it. He turned his back against the surveillance camera. He left a small bottle of medicine and a syringe, reminding her to keep it a secret from the other staff, and then he left. Ifalna used it on herself. Aerith could not see her mother sticking the needle in her arm, usually hiding in the sofa's shadow. 

Aerith has little memory of the calendar dates of events regarding her childhood. It was one night when she was seven years old. She snuggled under her mother's bed as usual. It was a habit she had since she knew she was being monitored. She covered herself entirely with a blanket.

"Aerith. Want to go on an adventure?" Ifalna whispered from the other side of the blanket.

“What will we be doing?” She had a longing and a fear towards the outside world.

"I miss it."

Aerith did not understand what her mother was feeling. However, she sensed that tears were mixed in with her voice. 

Aerith did not want to see her mother's face and got out from her blanket. Ifalna covered her face with her arm. The sleeves of her loose sleepwear were turned inside out. She had plenty of painful injection marks.

"If we head out, will you be okay, Mummy? You’re not going to take any more injections?"

“Yes. I think that will be so.”

"Well, let's go. But, I wonder if we can do it. The cameras are watching."

"Fuzz will help us out."

"Why will Fuzz help us out?"

There was a brief pause.

"Because he's a good person"

↞↠

Ifalna was taken out of the room as usual and returned in the evening. Fuzz was pushing the wheelchair.

"Yo Aerith," said Fuzz with his deep voice.

"The preparations are in order. I have prepared a secret house in the Sector 3 slums. You will also have a room. It's small, but we'll be leaving here."

He only told her that, and he left the room.

The emergency bell rang in the morning. Hurried by Ifalna, Aerith changed her clothes. It was clothes she had never seen before.

"Fuzz prepared these for us," Ifalna informed as she also wore her new clothes.

"Let's go."

"We will be seen."

"Don’t think like that."

Ifalna opened the door.

"It can't be. The lock is open. Why?"

The mother did not reply, took a deep breath and dashed out to the corridor. There was not a single person there. The bell signalling a crisis rang into their ears. 

"Experimental monsters are on the loose. Staff from the Science Department evacuate to a safe location," the public announcement monotonously announced.

"That's rough."

Aerith was frightened. However, Ifalna ascertained the direction and walked. She was hobbling. Her condition was good only when she opened the door. Aerith took her hand and kept up with her.

They turned at the first corner of the corridor. No staff were seen, and there were also no signs of wandering monsters. Ifalna rushed over to a wagon carrying cleaning tools; a large metal box attached with tiny wheels, with a long brush and mop, stuck into it. She slid her hand on the side of the wagon, and a part slid open. It was empty. There were supposed to be various cleaning agents and tools in there. The shelves and dividers were also removed. 

"We will be hiding in here. I'll head in first."

Ifalna bent her body and slipped into the box.

"Come, Aerith."

Invited by her voice, Aerith went inside. Ifalna pulled her knees towards herself to make space for her daughter. The petite Aerith quickly got in.

"We are going to be here for some time, so find yourself a comfortable position."

"Okay. This position is good."

"Got it."

After Ifalna closed the door, the wagon became pitch black. The public announcement remained unchanged and announced the experimental monsters’ escape. Before long, there was an indication that someone was nearby. The wagon vibrated lightly.

"It's me."

"I'm leaving it to you, Fuzz."

"We'll get going."

The wagon started to run.

"No matter what happens, do not make any noise."

"I'll be making a turn."

"It's an elevator. We will be transferring elevators several times."

From time to time, Fuzz could be heard. While in the elevator, Aerith became nauseous.

"Mummy, I don't feel good."

"It will be over soon."

When the free-falling feeling with the wagon was over, it started running again. As Fuzz mentioned, he will be transferring elevators several times.

"We're in a parking lot."

A different and unpleasant odour, unlike before, crept into the wagon.

"I'll be stopping soon. There'll be a truck, so hurry up and hop onto its cargo bed. I'll assist the both of you."

There was likely a change in the ground surface. A rattling sound came out from the wagon as it ran. The wagon soon stopped, and the door came open.

"Well then, hurry on."

Aerith was pulled out by the large hand that went into the wagon. He held Aerith up and placed her on the cargo bed as though she was an object.

"Move inside," Fuzz said as he also lightly placed Ifalna on the cargo bed.

"There are a few wooden crates. The innermost one is empty, so hide in it. Don't forget to close the lid. My cousin will be driving the truck. After arriving at the train station, the crate will be loaded onto the freight carrier. The cargo will eventually arrive at the Sector 4 slums station, so wait for me there."

"In the box?" Ifalna asked.

"Nope. I think you both will end up waiting for me somewhere at the station. I have a friend there, so follow her instructions. I've written the details in this letter," Fuzz said as he folded the paper and passed it to Ifalna.

"Where are you going, Fuzz?" Aerith asked.

"I'm heading back up to pretend to search for the both of you. If I get caught, it's going to cost me more than my neck."

The car horn sounded, and feelings of anxiety rushed in.

"Well, later then. There is food and water in the crate."

"How long do we have to wait for you to come?"

"At worst, till the last train," Fuzz said as he kissed the back of Ifalna's hand. Aerith was surprised and looked at Fuzz and her mother one after another.

"Fuzz, thank you."

The truck moved off before Ifalna could finish her words.

↞↠

The mother and daughter crawled on all fours on the swaying cargo bed and moved to the back. There were five wooden crates, one size larger than the cleaning tool wagon. After Ifalna found the empty box, she opened the lid and placed Aerith inside.

"Smelly..."

After leaving the room, they smelled various odours, but this was unbearable.

"Endure endure. We'll get used to it soon," Ifalna uttered as she also entered the crate. 

Aerith did not overlook the frown on Ifalna's face.

"You think it stinks too, Mummy!"

Ifalna stuck out her tongue, and after gazing at each other, they laughed.

Aerith noticed the paper bag at the bottom of the crate. There was also a portable torchlight, a pouch of dried fruits and nuts, a hard bread and a water bottle when she looked inside it. There was a thin envelope, so she peeked inside and found that there was money in it.

"I have to close the lid."

After struggling to close the lid, the crate went pitch black.

"Next, uh ... let's read the letter."

In the dark, there was a dry sound of Ifalna unfolding the paper.

"Aerith, may you shine at this for me?"

"Okay."

She had difficulty operating it, but Aerith found the switch and turned on the torchlight. In the cutout of the darkness, her mother's pale face was there, and sweat was oozing out from her forehead.

"Mummy, are you alright?"

"I'll be reading it, so remember this too, Aerith."

It seems that she does not intend to reply to her question.

"Okay."

“The plate on which the Shinra Building is built and the slums are connected by rail. This crate will be carried into the freight train as it is. After the train runs for a while, the inside of the crate will glow red, and it will be glowing several times. But you don't have to worry about it, and do not mind it."

“What does this mean?”

"Fuzz... He thinks I don't know anything, and he is right about that."

"I'm scared."

"He wrote not to worry, let's believe him."

"Okay..."

"After a while, you will realise that the railroad tracks will be running on ground level rather than at a descent. You will soon hear the train stoppage announcement. Once you hear it, get out of the box. Next, stand by the doorway at the width of the carriage. The last stop is the Sector 4 Slums Station. The door will open when you arrive. Give the money in the envelope to the person who opened the door. It's a reward. Rest assured that she is a friend of mine, and follow her instructions and wait until I pick you both up..."

Ifalna violently coughed before she could read it to the end. It was a long-lasting cough. She turned her head away and covered her mouth with her arm.

"The light... turn it off..." Ifalna said so and violently coughed again.

↞↠

The truck eventually came to a stop. The truck bed shook, along with the rattling sound of the cargo hitting each other. They sensed people in the vicinity. The unloading began. The handling work was rough, and the crate was even thrown down to its' side.The mother and child endured through the shaking and pain in the crate. Ifalna embraced Aerith in her arms and held her daughter's leaking voice with her palm. 

"We got to press on."

Silence came. They were relieved in that brief moment, then the loading operation on the freight train started.

"This is going to the Sector 4 Slums."

After hearing the muffled voice of a man, the box started to move. Again, the crate was handled recklessly. They used their hands, feet, and back to anchor their bodies down and clenched their teeth.

Shortly after that, the loading came to an end. There was a heavy, loud sound as the freight car door closed. After the train started running, it began to make a periodically repeating rattling noise. Eventually, the rhythmic sound becomes pleasant. Aerith dozed off and was half asleep. She woke up suddenly and looked at her mother's face. Ifalna's profile, dimly lit by the torch that was left on, was as beautiful as usual. In her line of sight, she noticed Ifalna smiling. Aerith was relieved, and she closed her eyes again. She finally slept.

In her dream, Aerith was painting.

When she woke up, Ifalna was coughing violently again.

"Are you alright, Mummy?"

"Yup... Give me a moment," 

Her voice got hoarse. Soon after adjusting her breathing —

"It looks like the descent stopped some time ago. The red lights are over too, so perhaps we'll be arriving soon?

"Ehhhh!? I wanted to see the red lights!"

"You said you were scared of it."

Ifalna laughed.

"I want to see it even if I'm scared."

At that moment, the inside of the crate was tainted red. The two were surprised and looked at each other.

"It turned red!"

"Yup! It turned red."

"I wasn't scared at all."

"Hey, Aerith. Let's eat something. We don't know when we'll be able to eat next."

Ifalna tore up the bread in the bag into pieces, handed it to Aerith, and ripped open the pouch of dried fruits.

"I wonder if this is like a picnic."

Aerith stuck the bread on her cheek.

"What's a picnic?" Ifalna asked. 

After Aerith swallowed the bread —

"I heard from Ronnie. People would take along food, head out, walk a lot and eat. It seems that they don't eat anything sometimes. But Ronnie has never been to one before."

"Hmm. I really don't know, but walking seems to be fun."

Under the dim light shone from the portable torchlight placed on the floor, Ifalna offered her the remaining bread.

"Aren't you eating, Mummy?"

"I've already eaten. I ate it while you were sleeping with your mouth open."

She thought it was a lie. However, Aerith inflated her cheeks and showed her anger.

The train slowed down, and Ifalna coughed violently again.  She shook her shoulders violently to hold down the cough.

"I'm really okay."

"Alright."

Aerith felt even more worried as she was reminded again that her mother was ok.

"Next station,... Four Slums. Sector Fo... lums," a muffled voice could be heard. It's the train stoppage announcement.

"Let's get out of the crate, shall we?"

They flipped the lid up. Ifalna comes out first and pulls Aerith up. Although the train was slowing down, the train carriage was rattling and shaking. 

"This is fun!"

Aerith planted both her feet down to keep her balance. Ifalna held on to the crate to support herself.

“Aerith”

“Yup.”

“Never forget that feeling, okay?”

“Which feeling?”

“The feeling that you’ll enjoy anything.”

“Hmmm, I understand.”

“Hey hey, Aerith, look at this.” Ifalna pointed to the label on the crate which they were in.

"What's written on it?"

"From Shinra Company to Shinra Company. To be stored at Sector 4 Station. Dangerous goods. It is strictly prohibited to open it en-route..."

"We are dangerous goods?"

"That's rude."

Ifalna laughed, and the train slowed down again to a stop. Aerith lost her balance and clung to her mother as she almost fell over. 

"Stay silent for a moment, Aerith. Leave this to me."

She looked up at her mother to see what she meant. She wasn't smiling anymore.

It was a young woman who opened the door. She had a pouty face and wore loose-fitting overalls. Her whole body was covered in dirt.

"Are you a friend of Fuzz?" Ifalna asked.

She nodded her head.

"Here you go. It's the reward."

Ifalna held out the envelope.

"I told him I didn't need it..."

“But…”

In the end, the lady snatched the envelope and pushed it into her back pocket.

"Get off. Quickly."

The carriage floor was well above the ground, a height that anyone would need help with. However, the lady was keeping watch of the surrounding people.

"Okay. I'll head down first."

Ifalna disappeared from Aerith's line of sight as she had jumped off. A painful moan could be heard.

"Mummy!"

"Hurry up," the lady's sharp voice pierced through their ears.

Ifalna apologised as she stood up, looking back at Aerith and reached out to her with both hands. Aerith was worried whether the woman in dirty clothing would get angry again, so she hurriedly jumped on her mother's body.That force caused Ifalna to stumble. She almost fell over while holding onto Aerith but managed to get her balance after taking a few steps.

"It's already chaotic at the top. Hide in the container yard until Fuzz picks you up," The woman pointed to a place stacked up with a lot of containers. 

"When the sun sets, consignees will enter and exit the yard, so don't be discovered. That would be a pain."

"How much longer until the sun goes down?" Ifalna asked.

"In about four hours."

The woman tried to leave, but Ifalna called out to stop her and asked, "Which direction is Sector 3 in?"

The woman pointed out the direction with her chin, and as though she was escaping from them, she headed back to work.

"Mummy, let's hide quickly?"

"Yup. Let's do so."

The woman looked back once she reached the end of the train carriage and pointed towards the container yard. She was probably telling them to head over quickly.

"Aerith."

Ifalna held out her hand.

"From here on out, it's a real adventure. Let's go."

Ifalna held Aerith's hand.

"Mummy, why is your hand hot?"

"It's because I'm excited."

Ifalna laughed, and they started walking towards the rear of the carriage they had just got off. The carriage they were riding on was at the end. When they went around the carriage and crossed over the rail, they could see the station building. The woman from earlier disappeared into the station building. They saw some others in uniforms that looked like railway workers.

"Mummy, where are we going!?"

Aerith was extremely worried. However, her mother did not say a word. Instead, she held her hand firmly and started walking. They headed towards the wire mesh fence that was directly in front of them. There were a lot of people coming and going on the road over there.

"Mum!?"

"Let's climb over this fence."

"Ehhhh?"

The fence was about two metres tall.

"I can't."

"But we have to. Otherwise the adventure will be over."

In the end, they clung to the fence.

"Well, let's have fun!" Ifalna uttered.

Passers-by across the wired fence saw them, but nobody stopped walking.

"First, grab a high spot on the wired fence with both hands, and then put the toes of your left foot into the wired fence."

"Ohhh."

Aerith was confused, but she managed to be in the same position as her mother.

“Next, apply some strength to your hands and put your right toe into the fence.”

“Okay.”

"Once you can do that, move your right hand to grab the fence higher up. Then, also move your left hand to grab at the same height."

"Ah, I got it! Next will be my legs."

Aerith felt that she understood how to climb the wired fence.

"Mummy, look!"

While making a rattling noise, she climbed the fence in a blink of an eye.

"Nicely done, Aerith. Now from there, climb over."

"Hey! Get down from there!" came a piercing, angry voice.

Aerith saw a station employee running over.

"Mummy!"

Ifalna saw the station employee.

"Aerith, quickly get going!"

"You too, Mummy!"

Ifalna started climbing the wired fence. She was frustratingly slow.

"Hey!"

The station employee was getting close. The scene gathered the eyes of passers-by. At that moment...

"Hey! Hurry up!"

They looked over. A tall adult male was reaching out his hand. Aerith was confused. He was probably an acquaintance of her mother, but that should not be the case.

"Hey! Let's go!"

Before Aerith knew it, Ifalna got up to the same height and got over the fence. The station staff extended his hand out, but he barely could not reach her. Finally, Ifalna got over to the other side, reached out and grabbed the chest area of Aerith's clothes and pulled firmly. Aerith could not help but lose her balance and almost fell headfirst outwards of the fence. However, a pair of solid hands supported Aerith.

"You alright?" the man asked Ifalna while lowering Aerith to the ground. 

However, Ifalna was coughing harshly and could not answer.

"Riding without a ticket is a serious crime!"

The station employee also started to climb the fence.

"It’s a serious crime which too many people commit, and you can't catch those culprits."

"Thank... you," Ifalna finally answered.

"You're welcome."

The man then struck the fingers of the station employee, who was grabbing the wired fence, with his fist. The station staff screamed away from the wired fence.

"Shinra bastard, damn y'all!"

After hailing abuse at the station employee, the man walked away as if nothing had happened. The station employee was panting heavily and glared at the man.

"Which direction is Sector 3 in?" Ifalna abruptly asked the station employee.

Not only the station employee but Aerith was also surprised at this.

"Who would teach you!" the station employee's angry voice froze Aerith's legs.

"Very well. Pardon us for our rudeness." Ifalna calmly apologised to the station employee 

She then took Aerith's hand and left the station. When they looked back, the station employee was glaring at them. However, he was soon hidden in the flow of passers-by.

"Ahhh, that was heart-wrenching."

Ifalna coughed. When Aerith looked up, she saw the radiant face of her mother.

↞↠

There was no sign of anyone chasing them. The mother and daughter were moving away from the Sector Four Slums Station. Looking up, they could see the underside of the steel city. They were overwhelmed by the orderly combination of the steel-framed plate. Many people lived on it, there was the Shinra Building, and they were way high up on it. The scale was too large for Aerith to picture it well.

"Aerith, if you just look up, you'll fall."

"Okay."

Indeed,  none of the surrounding commuters were looking up. It's a natural sight for slum dwellers. From time to time, Aerith could hear mysterious noises. She could also hear angry voices. And as expected, nobody cares.

"Mummy, who was the person that helped us at the station?"

"I think he's someone who hates Shinra. It seems that there are many of these kinds of people in the slums."

"How do you know about the slum, Mummy?"

"I asked a lot of people. For a day like this."

"Even on how to climb a wired fence?"

"Yup. If Professor Hojo weren't around, everyone would talk to me a lot."

"Actually, everyone is a nice person."

"I wonder. Everyone sympathised and cared for me, but no one helped me out. The truly good people are those that not only say that they'll help but also act on it."

"I wonder what Fuzz is doing."

Aerith waited for a while, but her mother didn't answer.

"Hey, Aerith, I want to rest for a bit. Shall we go over there?"

Ifalna pointed towards a small plaza in front of them. They saw several benches.

↞↠ You’re on page 24/142 of Aerith’s segment of the Light Novel.  Next Scenes: Scenes 5-9 Back to Content Page (click/tap here)

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[passable-talent]

ya boi is back with a new niche character played by hayden christensen for yall to enjoy.

CW: blood, wounds, cursing, piercings, tattoos, guns, fighting, deaths of unnamed characters

AJ x gn!reader - Takers (2010). the stupid hat grew on me.

dedicated as always to @haydens-moles and @iscariot-rising for being my friends and for appreciating hayden as much as I do

The story of your life, as you loved to explain it, boiled down to a little math joke. Excited five, you called it, or it’s official terminology- five factorial. Written as “5!”, hence the awful pun.

“Factorials,” you’d say, “for those that don’t remember, are a multiplication of every number up to the one that’s being discussed. As such, five factorial is five, times four, times three, times two, times one.”

Your life, your excited five, was as follows: five major scars, four tattoos, three piercings, two eyebrow slits.

“The one is usually ignored,” you’d say, “as it makes no multiplicative difference. That’s why I don’t have a ‘one’.”

In August, 2009, you got your ‘one’. Its a doozy. But we’re not there yet.

~~~

Five major scars.

December 25, 1983. It’s your first Christmas. Your parents think you’re just being a cranky infant, but something way more serious is going on- they find out the next day that you’ve got RSV, a respiratory virus that’s especially dangerous for infants. You spend the next three years periodically using a ventilator whenever the coughing acts up. You don’t remember much of it, other than the vaguely crayon-looking piece of the machine, but you can’t forget that it happened, due to the pretty white scar over the bridge of your nose. It’s not such a gnarly wound as it is a reminder- not of the ventilator that wore through your skin thanks to frequent use, but of the virus that almost took your life only a few months after it had begun.

July 28, 1993. You’re seven years old, staying at your grandmother’s house with your cousin, who’s six months older than you. You’re playing cops and robbers- he’s the cop. The forest streaks by as you run the length of the property, slightly faster than him, but he catches you and throws you down. You land on your back on a jagged rock, not only painfully impacting your spine but digging deeply into your muscles beside it. It was the first hospital visit you remember, and the dark, long scar halfway between your tailbone and your shoulders reminds you never to fall without controlling it.

January 15, 1998. You’re in sophomore year of high school, and not the most popular. You like to play by the rules, and some asshole junior decides that he doesn’t like the way you won’t let him cheat off of your trigonometry homework, and decides that a knife is the best way to settle the problem. Those homework answers weren’t worth the long white line over all four of the knuckles of your left hand, but it is a pretty little reminder that lowlifes do what they want. And law enforcement, or whatever your school called the ‘anti-bullying league’, does jack shit about it.

October 30, 2002. You’re almost done with your certification to become a cop- thank god. You couldn’t stand the people who were to become your graduate class. They were so ready to become cops just to bully people, just to get to weild an iron fist and hide their bloodlust behind the law. Not you- you’re here to do some real good. That’s what they don’t like about you. And that’s why Fred Young splits open your cheek when just he’s supposed to be practicing his sparring. It’s an ugly scar, needed six stitches, but it’s a reminder that even the cops aren’t always the good guys.

May 14, 2004. You’re a new cop, working under detective Wells. There’s a robbery of a jewelry store a few blocks from where you’re patrolling, and as you’re making your way to the scene, a man in a fedora runs smack into you, taking you both to the ground. Broken glass digs into your shoulder, but he apologizes, and his blue eyes look so genuine. He’s afraid. You’d not realize until a month later that he wasn’t a scared bystander, but in fact one of the thieves. The fifth of your scars matches your first meeting with AJ- who would, by the end of the summer, become one of the most important people in your life.

~~~

Four tattoos.

August 4, 1999- Left wrist, inside knob of the bone. The little symbol had represented something to you when you were sixteen, but it had long lost whatever meaning you’d given it. Now, it was just a pattern to pass your thumb over whenever you got restless.

February 16, 2002- The cap of the right shoulder. It was your bunk number, from when you were training to be a cop. Nothing extravagant, but it was supposed to represent the beginning of the rest of your life- it was supposed to represent your calling.

June 1, 2004- Left arm, the outside of the forearm. Bleeding from your first tattoo was a new one, the largest one on your body. It was geometrical and high contrast, black lines loosely following your veins up toward your elbow, as though that left hand was bringing darkness into your body. It did- you shot with your left hand.

July 17, 2004- Right collarbone. A single, circular monogram, made up of six letters.

T A K E R S.

~~~

Three piercings.

April 7, 1989. Your father took you to get your ears pierced, but insisted upon arrival that it was too expensive to get both done, so you only got your left. The assymetrical style would have to grow on you- at six years old, you hated it.

May 19, 2003. You couldn’t have piercings at the academy, they were unprofessional, they were dangerous. So the night of graduation, you went out and got a hole punched into your nostril- the pain made tears well up, but more than anything, it was the satisfaction of giving a pretty little ‘fuck you’ to your superiors, who you’d never see again.

July 18, 2006. AJ takes you to a fancy beauty salon for an eyebrow bar after hearing maybe once that you’d wanted another piercing. You knew you were in love with him- who else in your life had ever paid such close attention to you?

~~~

Two eyebrow slits.

June 23, 2004. You leave the police force. You tell Wells that it’s because you’re pissed you can’t find the guys that robbed the jewelry store, but that’s not even close to the truth. You’ve found them- hell, you got a good look at one of them on the very day of the robbery. But you’ve done the looking, and didn’t have the heart to bring them in. They had families. They donated ten percent of every heist to a charity. They did more for the community than the police you worked for, and they did it clean- they didn’t hurt anybody, if they didn’t have to. They did what you’d hoped to do, when you joined the force. What you’d never gotten to do. Eyebrow slits were considered extremely unprofessional, so the moment you were free of your two week notice, you split open your right eyebrow. It would give a good balance to the bar piercing you hoped to put through your left someday.

March 4, 2007. You’re cleaning up your slit when AJ walks into the room and stands behind you so that you can see him through the mirror. You keep your eyes on the trimmer you’re so delicately running over your skin, but when he opens up a little felt box with a pretty ring inside, you whirl around with such panic that you make the slit approximately half an inch wider than it should’ve been. Lilli helped you fill in the gap for the engagement photos, but you decided to keep a second slit on the other end of the unfortunate shave- a little reminder of the evening in which he proposed to you.

~~~

“The one is usually ignored,” you’d say, “as it makes no multiplicative difference. That’s why I don’t have a ‘one’.”

On August 27, 2009, you got your ‘one’.

You’d been out of the game for two years, choosing not to take a cut of the winnings. You’d advise, you’d plan, you’d set up, but you did not want to be on site when the heist went down. The boys had it taken care of, and you butted heads with Jesse far too often for anyone’s comfort.

You especially couldn’t work on this project, thanks to a little fucker named Ghost- he didn’t trust you, as a member of the Takers he’d never met, and you didn’t trust him, as a criminal you’d never grown to respect.

You knew that most of them didn’t trust Ghost either, but everything he brought forward checked out- AJ must’ve mumbled the plan thirty times in his sleep in the five days from its suggestion to its fruition. There were no holes. Knowing Gordon and John, they had some ‘insurance’ for Ghost, anyway. In case it went wrong.

Still, you stayed at the Hotel Roosevelt through it all. You were their sitter, keeping the hotel room warm and ready for their arrival. They arrived back one by one- and like usual, AJ got there first. He, Gordon, and John were usually the first to get out, but he always made it back to the room first, because that way he could get some time with you. That way, he could have a private reunion, fresh off of a job.

“Hey, baby,” he said as he closed the door, and you waited for him to turn his eyes to you before you gave him a smile. He threw down his bag onto one of the chairs, and it landed with a heavy thump, but you’d long grown used to the sound of the score. However much he pulled, good for him. You were just happy to slip your arms around his neck and feel him kiss the scar on your cheekbone before sliding his lips to yours.

He always kissed different right after a job- before the boys had all gotten back, before the total was counted. He had a confidence to his movement, but there was fear, insecurity, just a tinge. He wasn’t just a taker, he was a man, who had worries and risks just like every other man.

You were out of the game for a few reasons. They had it taken care of. You butted heads with Jesse. You didn’t trust Ghost. But you knew that you were AJ’s biggest fear- you knew that if you got hurt on a job, he’d never forgive himself.

So he kissed you, he held you close, he reminded himself that you were here, you were fine. His long fingers seems to take up half your back, and his hair was already in his face, as though you’d tugged it there yourself.

With just one more pass of your lips over his, you pulled away.

“How’d it go?” You asked with a soft voice, rolling your first finger through the curls at the back of his neck.

“Could’ve gone better,” he said with a chuckle, “but we got it done.” You heard a knock at the door, and Gordon was the next arrival- then John, then Jake, then Ghost. Jesse came last, and with him, a whole host of new problems.

A bullet splintered the door and caught AJ somewhere under the ribcage. Everyone hit the floor, diving behind couches, and you popped your head up long enough to see AJ launch over the kitchen island. The room shattered into gunfire and feathers from expensive pillows, glass shards littering the ground like raindrops. It all moved so fast, and the air exploded into noise. You could barely track AJ through it all, he was so far away, all the way across the room. And you wanted to keep your eye straight down the barrel of your gun.

“AJ!” Jesse called from beside you, hidden behind a brown leather couch, “You okay?” You looked around the side of it, and saw him ten feet from you, the longest ten feet of your life, behind the kitchen island. He was struggling, on his hands and knees.

“Get up,” you snarled, knowing he’d already taken a hit.

“Out the back!” John ordered from the doorway behind you, and you started to realize the moment, the dangerous, heavy moment. AJ was all the way across the room- he couldn’t cross it. Not with these mobsters holding ground.

“Let’s go!” Gordon shouted, and your eyes connected with AJ’s. He saw the same thing you did.

“Go,” he said, voice calm, and it cut through the chaos of the room, cut through every hardened lesson ever pounded into you, cut through every wall you’d ever built around you, around your heart. “I’m coming.”

AJ was a good liar. But he couldn’t lie to you.

“No,” you growled through gritted teeth, and you made a rash decision.

You’d always been good at gymnastics. You had strong control over the movement of your body, and had, ever since you’d learned from your cousin throwing you down onto that stone that split open your back. You could move and slink and roll and dive in ways that would keep you not only from falling, but even from being noticed.

Using the chaos as your cover, you did a tight diving roll across the room to him, slipping between shelters unscathed. This brought you just a bit closer to the mobsters, but further from the back door exit that Gordon had been trying to guide you toward. You’d chose AJ over your safety any day- the surprise and the fear in his eyes said that he wished you wouldn’t.

Making sure you had enough ammo, you considered your final move- this didn’t end until these mobsters did. There were five of them left, after all this commotion: four in the room, one in the hall. You couldn’t take all five, not with their guns being so much more than yours, but you could take out a few. You could shift attention, you could buy time.

And hopefully, you could stay breathing, too. That’d be nice.

“Stay down,” you hissed, leaving AJ behind the island where he’d be forgotten about, or assumed dead. Then, you rounded the corner and rolled to the feet of the closest mobster. As you came out of the roll you caught his legs in yours, wrenching them from under him and taking him to the ground with one of the first moves you’d learned in basic training. He hit the wall hard, and was unconscious by the time he landed- the same could not be said for his friends.

From your right, you could see Gordon, still firing, still hopeful for your and AJ’s escape. Your shoulders were above the couch, so you knew he saw as you turned your weapon to the second mobster before he could turn to you, and stopped his heart.

Your commotion had caught the attention of the other three who still remained. You whirled around and raised your gun to one of them, but they managed it first.

Gordon had to swallow back his horror as he saw a bullet enter the front of your side profile, and blood explode from the back. He took out the mobster who still had his attention on you- but your shoulders smacked to the ground outside of his view, and he closed the door.

Luckily, their aim was spotty. You now had a useless left arm, but you were still breathing. Not that you’d let the one remaining mobster notice that.

You and AJ played dead, only a few feet from each other, but the kitchen island becoming a thicker wall than any you’d ever been split by. As you stared blankly at the ceiling, taking shallow breaths hidden by the folds of your shirt, you hoped he didn’t think you were dead. You hoped he wasn’t bleeding out.

After what felt like agonizingly long minutes, the shooting finally stopped, and the door opened again. Gordon was the first to enter the room, and rounded the couch to you, grief in his eyes, expecting the worst.

But you could give him a smile.

“Surprise,” you groaned, and he lit up in relief, helping you sit up with your good arm.

“Look at you, playing dirty,” he said with a laugh, “I thought you were gone for sure.”

“AJ,” you heard Jake say from across the room, and finally AJ could sit up from where you’d forced him down. The two of you had both bled straight through your shirts, but there wasn’t any time for sweet reunions- everyone had to get out, and fast.

AJ left his car wherever it was. John gave the two of you a ride to the airstrip where Gordon was going to disappear for a while, and on the way you and AJ attempted to give each other first aid until the personnel on the plane could take care of it.

Eventually, you leaned against his left, and he against your right, your wounds still stinging and sticky with blood, but manageable, for as long as they needed to be.

The night didn’t get any easier, but that didn’t matter- you were home free, they’d managed the job, and Ghost was out of the picture, and neither of you were going to die.

And someday, when you felt brave enough to recount your near-death, near-loss, near-jailed experience, you’d say:

Five major scars, four tattoos, three piercings, two eyebrow slits. And one gun shot wound.

-🦌 Roe

[thevioletjones]

Congrats on the kudos, u deserve it! I did not undestand if I'm supposed to choose one of the lines for the prompt or if I have to combine two or more lines lol. But if it is to choose only one: number 5. If more than one: 5 and 45. *---*

Thank you! I used both. Great inspiration, actually. It spun out of control! 😀

Prompt 2: “How much of that did you hear?” + “Why are you helping me?”

Interloper

“Jesus, Iggy, I’m gonna fuckin’ murder you myself one of these days,” Mickey threatened in exasperation.

They were both leaning over, hands on knees, gasping for air, just having run full-speed for at least twelve blocks. The pillars beneath the L tracks were now providing the mild seclusion they needed to wait out a cursory police search of the area.

“Ain’t my fault!” Iggy exclaimed defensively.

Mickey’s face scrunched up to a degree that only his dumbest family members could make it reach. “Yes it fuckin’ was! Who else’s fault would it be?”

He’d always kind of wondered how he was the only one in his crap-ass family to be gifted with at least half a brain. Well, him and his younger sister, Mandy. She was alright. Skanky and crazy, but not a total idiot. He couldn’t say the same for his brothers, male cousins, father, uncle, etcetera. Mickey couldn’t even get his begrudgingly favorite brother to follow a simple goddamn plan that would’ve kept them out of trouble when they were out committing crimes. He was just gonna have to start doing everything himself. Safety in numbers didn’t apply when the other member of your team seemed to have been lobotomized when no one was paying attention. It was probably all the meth. Mickey was smart enough to stay away from that particular bullshit. Didn’t want to become a scabby, denture-wearing, toothpick skinny, low-life with no mind left to lose. He was content to stick to coke and weed like a normal person.

“That old bitch came outta nowhere! Self-defense!”

“It ain’t self-defense if you’re robbin’ the joint, numbnuts! We’re lucky you fuckin’ missed!”

If he had it his way, Mickey wouldn’t be doing these petty robberies anymore. He much preferred bigger jobs, like gun and drug running. But times were tough, and he had to do what he had to do. He’d even considered getting a legit job for once in his life, but the skills he possessed weren’t exactly easily adaptable to the straight and narrow path. Being a criminal was how he was raised, and all he knew. It brought heat, but it was still a comfortable fit. Living without the constant presence of major risk would probably feel so foreign as to drive him crazier than a meth addiction in the long run.

The job Mickey’d lined up involved hitting up a few different borderline upmarket stores that’d opened up in their neck of the woods since the gentrifiers had set upon The Yards, then selling the goods to a guy he knew in the online black market trade. Not as lucrative as heavy metal and funny powder, but a decent payday nonetheless. Except fuckface over here who had to ruin everything by getting trigger-happy on Main while they were attempting to heist merchandise from location number two of three. If the pigs nabbed either one of them, they’d be going down for at least five to ten. Years. Mickey was done donating years to the prison industrial complex. The most he could afford was months at best.

“When’d you turn into such a giant asshole?” asked Iggy. “Oh, nevermind, probly when you started gettin’ it railed on the reg.”

A giant smile stretched across his perpetually dirty face, causing Mickey’s eyebrows to lift dangerously high on his forehead. Occasionally, his dumber-than-rocks older brother managed to think up some admittedly clever asides. Mickey didn’t know whether to punch him or give him daps.

Before he could decide, however, he heard a distinct little snicker from the other side of the large concrete column they were leaning on, raising his hackles to invisibly join his eyebrows in their heightened incredulity.

Mickey hastily rounded the pillar and grabbed the giggler by the shirt collar, hauling him to their side and pinning him next to Iggy with his forearm. He looked into the guy’s eyes, and finally registered who it was. He kinda sorta knew him from around town. Used to hang out with his sister back in high school. He was a lot scrawnier then. This version of the dude could probably hold his own with Mickey in a fight. He’d built some definite muscle.

“How much of that did you hear, asshole?” Mickey demanded, seeing Iggy flash the gun in his waistband in his periphery.

This idiot didn’t look as rattled as he should be, though. He just shrugged his shoulders.

“Considering I was here first, I guess… all of it?”

He was wearing an annoying little smirk, his green-blue eyes shining bright, and his red hair distracting Mickey as much as the light dusting of freckles across his nose and cheeks. He had a stupidly ultra-defined chin, and Mickey immediately hated it. His chin hadn’t looked like that when he was a 15-year-old pipsqueak.

“Wipe that smile off your face, bitch,” ordered Mickey, pressing his arm harder against the guy’s pale throat. “You think this is fuckin’ funny? You know who we are?”

The guy shrugged again, like this was all a casual conversation on the corner. “Mickey.” He glanced at his dumb, blonde, curlicue brother. “And Iggy, right? I used to hang out with Mandy all the time. Have a good memory.”

“Yeah? Well I remember your goofy ass too, Gallagher. I know where you live and I know who your family is, so if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your big mouth shut or I’ll pick ‘em off one by one and save you for last. Got it?”

The dude snorted, and Mickey wondered if he was some kind of crazy tweaker with no sense of propriety or self-preservation.

“You outta your goddamn mind or somethin’?” Mickey added. “I ain’t jokin’.”

“Look, Gallaghers don’t snitch, alright?” He held his hands up placatingly. “I promise not to say shit to anyone. It’s none of my business, and I really don’t care. That good enough for you?”

Mickey loosened his hold, but sized him up all the while. “Maybe. But it’s possible you need a little lesson to remember it good. Wouldn't want you to forget about the consequences of you breakin’ your word.”

The dude winced and shoved Mickey off. “I don’t need a fucking beatdown, Mickey. I get it.”

“Ohhhh,” Mickey singsonged derisively, meeting Iggy’s gaze. “He gets it.” He thumbed his eyebrow. “Guess I’m just s’posed to believe you, huh?”

“That would be ideal, yeah.”

Mickey had to give it to him; he almost cracked a smile. The kid had balls. Most people around their neighborhood cowered before a Milkovich like spring lambs. Still, he lived by a code, and letting some rando walk away unscathed when he had dirt on him just didn’t fit the rules.

He cocked his fist back to knock it into tall, pale, and red’s pearly white teeth, just as the stunted siren of a cop car rang out very close by. Their collective heads all snapped toward the sound, and after sharing a meaningful look between brothers, Iggy took off running once again, without a word.

Normally, Mickey would’ve followed hot on his heels, but some unknown force was keeping his useless feet stuck to the dirty ground, eyes watching as Gingerballs glanced around the column at the flashing lights, taking a very long look that wasn’t suspicious at all.

Before he could react outwardly, Mickey was pulled against a hard body, Gallagher’s warm breath sending a shiver down his spine as he whispered, “Be cool. I got you.”

Suddenly, big hands were caressing Mickey’s back, and despite a part of him not minding in the least, the rest of him stiffened considerably.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he rasped out, hearing the telltale slam of a car door, and attempting to pull away. But a strong grip held him close, spinning him around so that he was the one up against the concrete now.

“Saving your thug ass. I know this guy, okay? Just chill and follow my lead.”

Okay, what the hell was this surreal turn of events? Gallagher was bold as shit, cradling Mickey all gay like. Sure, Iggy had made a fag joke earlier, kicking off this whole… whatever it was, but still. This guy had no way of knowing it was based in reality. Did he?

And had Gallagher really been gay this whole time? How had Mickey never sniffed this scorching information out?

“What’s going on here, boys?”

The copper rounded the corner, genuinely swinging his nightstick like a cartoon character, and Mickey had to suppress a deep roll of his eyes.

“Milkovich?” Mr. CPD continued, extreme disbelief coloring his voice.

Mickey was abruptly reminded that he was currently stuck between a rock and a hard body, and nothing about their entanglement screamed anything other than gay, gay, super-fucking-gay. Not that Mickey hadn’t come to accept who he was and what he liked, but he didn’t go around spreading the truth all over town either. This could seriously damage his carefully crafted reputation.

“Tony!” Ian interjected, sparing him from having to invent some lame excuse, and the cop’s eyes snapped to him instead.

“Ian?” His tone was still dripping with astonishment.

“Yeah! What's up? How you been?”

Mickey shot him an ‘are you goddamn serious right now?’ look, and Ian just squeezed his hip in tacit reply.

“Uhhh… gooood? Care to explain whatever…” he waved his stick between them, “this is?”

Ian laughed and he figured the dude truly was a nutcase. Mickey was going to jail for sure.

“Um, well,” answered Ian, suddenly playing it very meek and demure, “Mickey and I were just… you know…”

“You and… Mickey?”

“Not fucking or anything! Just... hanging out?”

“Hanging out.”

“Yeah, you know how it is. I’m tryin’ to convince Mick here to come home with me, but he’s being squirrelly.” He shook his head and shrugged. “South Side guys.”

“What the fuck?” Mickey whispered harshly, completely taken aback.

Ian just squeezed him tightly again, which was not helping his whole brain scramble situation.

“Huh,” said Tony, a tone of acceptance seeping in. “Mickey Milkovich, eh? Wow.”

“Come on, Tony. I don’t have to tell you this is all a big secret, do I?” replied Ian.

“And blondie who ran away like there was a damn fire? Did he flee a threesome?”

Mickey frowned and fake-wretched, finally speaking up. “Fuck no, man. That was my dumbass brother. He don’t like cops.”

“Uh huh. And you and your brother didn’t happen to be getting into trouble about 15 minutes ago, did you?”

“No sir,” Mickey said with a mock salute.

Ian kicked at his foot in warning.

“He’s been with me since like 3 o’clock, Tone. Scout’s honor.”

Officer Tony eyed them both with a look of skepticism, but didn’t contradict Ian’s word. The CB sounded from the open window of the black and white, with some cop-speak crackling over the airwaves.

“Stay put,” said Tony, eyes lingering longer on Mickey’s than Ian’s. “Both of you.”

He retreated to answer the radio call, and Mickey let out a deep whoosh of air.

“Goddamn, Gallagher. You’re spinnin’ quite a yarn here.”

“Yep,” Ian agreed. “A big gay yarn.”

“How the fuck did you know—”

“That you’re gay? Well, I heard Iggy make that joke, obviously. Pretty specific bottom joke to make if you weren’t actually into it. Plus, I always had my suspicions.”

Mickey scoffed. “Yeah fuckin’ right!”

“I did!”

“Whatever. Why are you helping me?”

“Out of the kindness of my heart?”

“Try again.”

“I don’t know. Why not? Makes us even or something. Now you know I won’t rat you out. About any of it. I wouldn’t out someone like that, and I don’t give a shit about the illegal crap you’re wrapped up in. Tony Markovich is like turbo gay too. Used to bang my sister, I think, but he came out a couple years ago. He won’t let it slip about you. He’s not a total bastard just cuz he’s a cop, ya know?”

Mickey bit his lip in contemplation. Gallagher seemed pretty genuine. Still didn’t much make sense in his brain, but whatever.

“Fine. But you know what’s gonna happen if—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, kick my ass, kill my family, got it.”

“You’re a cocky little shit, ain’t you?”

Ian smirked again, and it was pretty sexy, actually. “Maybe.”

He had the gall to push against Mickey more fully, pressing the bottom halves of their bodies closer together.

Mickey gasped. “Gonna have to ask you again… what the hell do you think you’re doin’?”

“You wanna go out sometime?”

Mickey cackled in his face. “You’re off your fuckin’ rocker for sure.”

“Am not! I can tell you want me.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ. Cocky little shit doesn’t even begin to cover it, does it?”

“Come onnnn,” Ian prodded.

“Do I look like I date, Gallagher?”

“A date can be whatever we want it to be, Milkovich. I’m easy.”

“Yeah, I bet you are.”

“Okay,” Tony interrupted, coming back into view. “Get the hell outta here. You wanna bang, do it indoors somewhere, or I’ll have to arrest you for public indecency or worse. And Milkovich… if I find any evidence of what I’m sure you know I’m talking about, I’ll be paying your ass a visit real soon.”

Mickey let the eyeroll loose then, withholding a flip of his middle finger, and deadpanning instead, “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, officer.”

Tony sighed loudly. “Whatever.”

“Thanks, Tony!” Ian cried at his retreating back.

“You always kiss cop ass like that? Cuz that’s not the way to get into my pants, Red.”

Ian just grinned, finally pulling his body away as he looked around. “You gonna follow me home or what?”

Mickey wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and swagger away like a badass. But was he not a thirsty man being propositioned by a hot guy who just randomly saved his ass from a trip to the slammer?

He at least feigned protest, huffing and puffing as he kicked at the dirt. “Goddamn it, Gallagher, you drive a hard bargain.”

Ian’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, as Mickey added, “Lead the way, weirdo.”

[spurgie-cousin]

WHW Royals Edition 👑 Part 1: Anne, Queen of Great Britain

Born: February 6th, 1665 at St James's Palace, Westminster, Middlesex, England Died: August 1st, 1714 (age 49) at Kensington Palace, Middlesex Reign: March 8th, 1702 - August 1st, 1714

I thought I’d give you guys a little intro to Anne, Queen of Great Britain as a start for my series on weirdo royals. I got big into her after seeing the Yorgos Lanthimos film The Favourite (can’t recommend enough) and that resulted in endless hours of internet wormholes about her bizarre and interesting life. I’ve read about a lot of fucked up royals in my life (truly there’s many) but it was only when I was reading about Anne that I kind of had an ‘a-ha’ moment about how really drastically the monarchial system can fuck a person up. 

Queen Anne fits this bill for me for a lot of reason; she was a surprise Queen who was woefully underprepared for ruling, which led to people pushing their political agendas on her under the guise of genuine affection. It’s hard to know if the relationships that define her legacy and life in popular culture were genuine, or if they would’ve existed at all had she not been a royal. Her legacy is muddied by the traditional, patriarchal writers of history of course and it sometimes is hard to get a clear picture of who she really was, but here are a few tidbits about her life and rule:

Anne’s signature

1. Queen Anne was born Anne Stuart, daughter of James II and Anne Hyde and raised in the traditional way for aristocratic girls, with an education that emphasized on arts, language, and music. This eventually proved to suck dick for her big time later on in life when she became queen. Traditionally, girls were purposefully taught nothing useful about politics or history because it was assumed they would never rule (cough) and this left Anne very much lacking in the political discourse department as a monarch; all of her future speeches and even remarks made around political figures would have to be scripted by advisors. If she found herself off script and not knowing what to say, it’s said that she’d sometimes “move only her lips and make as if she said something when in truth no words were uttered.”

2. 8 year old Anne first met friend Sarah Jennings (Churchill) when she was a lady in waiting at just 5 years old. As you’ll see later on, Sarah goes on to be one of the (if not the most) influential person in the Queen’s life, becoming a trusted friend and political advisor.

3. Anne was what we would probably refer to today as a ‘hot mess express’. The poor gal had a myriad of health issues, both mentally and physically, all of which only got worse as she aged. She suffered from gout and an undefined auto-immune disorder (we think) as well as a bizarre eye-watering disorder and poor vision. It’s also pretty evident that she didn’t have the best relationship with alcohol or food and most likely developed a binge eating disorder later in her life (she was very large at the time of her death and there are a few accounts of her eating to the point of puking in front of other people).

4. Besides her relationships with Sarah and Abigail Masham, Queen Anne is also known mostly known for the tragic loss of her 17 pregnancies. Of all her births she had only 5 live babies, only one of which survived beyond infancy. Her son William was also afflicted with various illnesses all of his life and died at the age of 11.

Prince William, Anne’s longest surviving child

5. Anne became queen by accident, after her Catholic father was ousted as king by her protestant brother in-law. He and her sister ruled for a short time before dying of pneumonia and smallpox respectively with no heir in place, so Anne, who supported the protestant reformation, was crowned Queen.

6. Over the years Anne and Sarah Churchill became extremely close friends, and most accounts agree that Sarah had an incredible amount of influence over Anne’s political decisions. Sarah is said to have had a more natural affinity for politics, and to have had a completely opposite disposition than Anne. Some think that Sarah may have maintained the relationship only to keep her political control.

7. A lot of people that believe that Anne and Sarah were so close because they were lovers. The pair at one time wrote each other 4 letters a day, that included things like “I had rather live in a cottage with you than reign empress of the world without you,” “Oh come to me as soon as you can that I may cleave myself to you,” one of Queen Anne’s “I can’t go to bed without seeing you… If you knew in what condition you have made me, I am sure you would pity.” I don’t think I necessarily share that opinion, for reasons you’ll see below.

8. Sarah was the only person under Anne that was allowed to speak to her without using a title. The two often used their nicknames for each other: Mrs. Morley (Anne) and Mrs. Freeman (Sarah).

Sarah Churchill, 1702

9. A lot of scholars disagree with the notion that Anne had any gay affairs with anyone, including Sarah, for a few reasons; first because, at the time, it was just apparently normal to act hella gay with your friends, particularly for royals, so excessive touching or writing wouldn’t have raised any alarms. Most historians attribute this to the extreme separation of the sexes, particularly in upper class households. Most people spent 90% of their time exclusively with people of their own gender, so it was a means to have your emotional needs met within the confines of your station. If an aristocrat started ‘friend flirting’ with you, it was also seen as rude to not reciprocate. 

10. A few other reasons Anne was probably not lesbian: she had a pretty good relationship with her husband (Prince George of Denmark), and the 17 pregnancies thing suggests that they weren’t having any problems in the bedroom department. Also, when Anne later became close friends with Sarah’s cousin Abigail, Sarah became jealous and began to spread rumors that the two were gay lovers (more on that below). This rumor probably stuck and carried over into other areas of her life. Or maybe Anne was bi and both things were true, who knows.

Anne circa 1685. All physical descriptions of Anne, especially in her later years, don’t describe her in the most glowing terms, which is insane to think about when I see portraits like this.

11. Anne began to grow distant from Sarah after her husband’s death in 1708, which all sources agree flung the queen into a huge depression. She was said to have sat by and kissed his dead body long after his death. Sarah took a tough love approach to try and snap the queen out of it, which backfired. This was when Anne began to get close to Abigail Masham, which infuriated Sarah.

12. Sarah was so mad at Anne for this that she literally wrote a song about her and Abigail being gay together, printed it out on a pamphlet, and passed it around court Mean Girls-style. The pamphlet read: “When as Queen Anne of great renown / Great Britain’s sceptre swayed / Beside the Church she dearly loved / A dirty chambermaid O Abigail that was her name / She starched and stitched full well / But how she pierced this royal heart / No mortal man can tell However for sweet service done / And causes of great weight / Her royal mistress made her, Oh! / A minister of state Her secretary she was not / Because she could not write / But had the conduct and the care / Of some dark deeds at night.” 

13. Besides Sarah, a lot of people took Anne’s relative political ignorance as an invitation to push their own political agendas. It didn’t help that her reign coincided with a rapid development of a 2 party parliamentary system, as the gap between the protestant Whigs and the Catholic Tories began to widen.

14. One of Anne’s crowning political achievements was the 1707 Act of Union uniting England and Scotland under the banner of Great Britain (she had good ideas sometimes, although it’s hard to tell if they came from her or her many influential advisors). Consequently, she was the first ruler to ever rule over united Great Britain.

15. After a series of pretty horrible strokes, poor Anne died at the age of 49 in August of 1714 with no heirs and without reconciling with Sarah Churchill. To her credit, it’s said that despite her failing health she continued to attend cabinet meetings as often as possible until her death. She is buried beside her husband and children in the Henry VII Chapel on the South Aisle of Westminster Abbey.

[word-addict-lisette]

Dear Lisette,

I am back in you inbox, yay! How was your day? How's life? How's school?

I am really mad because we had this piece of work and it was like "pen down your idea on this statement, 'i can do whatever i want on the internet as long as i don't get caught' and i put down my thoughts which were 'this statement is true, i stand by it and you can do whatever you like as long as you don't get caught and don't own up' and then people were like throwing shade at me and i looked at it. I have 5 comments.

My teachers tried to delete it, my classmates literally lectured me and then she read it out loud and the whole class went looking for that one note i made. In the comments, people are spelling my name in caps. It was my opinion, and oh, look all of them are basically hypocrites. Let me just say, these people make me uncomfortable, they don't talk about exactly nice things or approriate things and they are all commenting ( without names too may i add) like "KAT, THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK!" but with my real name and just arghhh.

Also if my teachers wanted me to say, "no, that isn't the right thing to do," or any other answer that the others provided them with, they shouldn't have asked for my opinion. They should have just forced us all to just type the same thing. The other people all wrote like, "no, its unethical and bad" or "False, no, its bad" and stuff like that, filmsy evidence and elaboration. I HAVE MORALS, i am just saying the truth. I feel like the victim of a hate crime. People don't like me enough already, i am a very intresting person, uh, yeah, we are gonna stop there.

Enjoy the rant i guess? I don't know? I am sorry for loading on you but there's a little extra rant so uh, yeah. im just gonna take this out, one sec.

Ok, so uh my teacher was like, next week, we are making pancakes. Fluffy pancakes. It was changed to pancakes without eggs? and now we have to make it ourselves, at home. Where do i get flour? What do i do with the extra flour? I don't know how to cook at all, my partner who has been extremely controlling and like kinda driving me insane, ( ahem i did the whole coursework) also she uses my friend's name for everything? Like, bestie i was literally helping out and you went all, "Oh you don't want (friend's name) to see you burnt right?". Obviously i don't but if i burnt down my house, she wouldn't be surprised. I BURNT MYSELF LAST YEAR, SHE SAW ME BURN MYSELF. Well, my friend burnt me and then the week after that, she burnt herself.

This happens a lot. Also, the very common questions and statements of, "Are you straight?" , "aren't you and (friend's name) dating?", "you guys would make such a cute couple" , " aren't you bi?" and "i thought the two of you were dating," there is nothing wrong with being bi but i am not attracted to her like that. So, they use her for leverage over me to get me to do what they want and also think im dating her? If we were dating, we would both be homeless. I like my house. This doesn't only happen with her. I once got shipped with my brother. I hugged him and some guy was like, "oh you guys like each other," that was awkward. Can i just add, a lot of people like majority of that community know we are siblings.

I also get shipped with his best friend, thanks to a rumor my brother made up. So, sometimes, i would get like comments like, "oh, you like him" or "(brother's name) told me that you and (brother's best friend) are dating," we are not dating. WE ARE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. I LIKE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. LEAVE ME ALONE. Also, everytime i have a picture of a guy on my phone or something my cousin just has to tell my brother. THEY ARE STREAMERS. ONE IS OF V FROM BTS SO I CAN TRAMATISE MY FRIEND.

Everytime i cry, someone comes in my room. It is so annoying. LEAVE ME ALONE, I WANT TO CRY. This is why i started reading sad books, listening to sad songs, watching sad movies so i have a reason to cry. There was this once, i wasnt selected to be part of my choir's competition and i was sad about it because i didn't feel good enough. THEY SAID I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. So, i cried but it wasn't enough so i read the saddest book i could find so i had a reason to cry but by that time, my feelings were gone. This is why i get breakdowns when im overwhelmed because of all this. You know how old i am. I have to deal with this and the pressure of always wanting to be perfect. What else can i do? I am not pretty or smart or talented or have friends, i have like 6 friends and nobody ever keeps me company. So, i focus on being perfect. 100%, i deal with not having any attention because my parents didn't pay me any attention just because i was "independent" or something?

Did i mention, i babysit all my siblings? I am the second child. I baby-sit my older brother. I am sleep-deprived because i can't sleep well at night and i constantly worry about everything and i have to take care of all my friends and it is so exhausting. Yet, i can not cry.

Thanks for staying with me through whatever that was. Uh, yeah, i took the quiz and got chaotic academia. That is my aesthetic. I really want one of those fancy skirts they wear like on pintrest and stuff? Like you know what i mean? The academia skirt? Yeah, i don't have one yet.

Question of the day, what is your dream profession or you could answer my other question which is what would you want to look like? Or you could answer both?

Ok, thank you again. i am gonna go study. Love and hugs and just literal joy sent your way!

- Kat, the ultimate dino mom of Leo, Billy Bob, Jessica, Sophie, Jackson, Sarah, Lily, the Micheals and all her other kids. (Jessica, Sophie and Jackson are mailboxes and Lily is a computer, Micheal is my screwdriver and laptop pencil, there are two micheals.)

Dear Kat,

It's really good to see you in my inbox. I'm sorry for replying late, but exams really had occupied my schedule today and I got my Saturday exam tomorrow. This week is going to be stressful and today's day has been pathetic. I had nothing to do except study and write exams. I feel like I haven't really been social recently and That I'm losing touch with people that I used to be close with and basically I'm letting overthinking take over my mind.

That is so sick. Why is someone's genuine opinion bothering them so much? I totally wouldn't be able to tolerate that. They ought to understand that there is a fine line between a fact and an opinion, and what you stated was just an OPINION. they have no right whatsoever to come at you like that. I totally agree... the teachers ought to have not asked for your opinion if all they desired was a particularly specific answer which opposed the statement. one of the reasons I hate the schooling system has to be THIS. people who are putting comments like that ought to realize that what you stated is exactly what they do in real life. They just want to be seen as the good kid here. At least you have the guts enough to speak the truth.

Miss! You don't have to worry about ranting out to me. You can rant to me for days and I'd still listen. Just go on ranting nobody is stopping you.

Ahhh! I've had that happen to me. I really understand how tough that can be. I really really hate being shipped with someone who I am just platonically friends with like you've got no valid proof to believe that we are romantically involved with each other. I've burnt myself plenty of times too. It's not a pleasant experience. Plus I also hate having controlling partners. Cause all they do is boss you around while they are barely doing a thing. It sucks.

Why? Just why? Why does it even matter to them? Who you date and what your sexuality is, is none of their business. I have no idea why people concern themselves with topics that really don't involve them. It's like people are just ready to make gossip out of anything. A person can't have a bestie without not liking them? I don't get what's so difficult to understand about that. I hate it when I'm casually talking to a guy and people start shipping us and start spreading rumors of us being in a romantic relationship. Another thing they do is, if a person likes me, they automatically assume that I like him back when I've barely even ever spoken to that guy. And yes! I like fictional characters! Don't even assume I like any of you fools cause You idiots bully me and ship me with total crackheads... And my standards are good enough for me to not include you guys in my list of *appropriate candidates* which consists of non-existent people.

Similarly, the moment I'm chatting with some guy, or like have a pic with someone on my mobile phone people just assume that fact that I'm crushing on him. Like no! I don't. We are friends... the others are celebrities, Why can't you understand that? I can't imagine how thick their skull must be considering they can't let a small statement like that sink in.

The crying thingy... I feel personally attacked. Nobody lets me do anything in peace, let alone crying. I literally use the washroom in my room and even my sister comes in there just banging on the door asking me to get the heck out of there and go somewhere else, like can't she use the other two washrooms or what? I like listening to sad stuff and reading angst cause somehow or the other it calms me down... it makes me feel at peace cause I know I'm not the only one who feels like crying. I've got a lot of friends, nobody remembers my birthday, I remember all of theirs'. They don't even text me, It's always me who takes the first step. All my friends just want me by their side cause I'm a smartass they want to show off as a trophy and cause I've got much better sarcasm than them. They just want to benefit from me. That's all. GOD, I'm not pretty at all. I look like a random idiot all the time. I look pathetic. And I lack talent... And you! I warned you, miss! You are pretty, beautiful, talented, smart, friendly, caring, kind and THE BEST!!!

I've never been given attention. Never ever. My sister has always stolen the spotlight. And I hate it. Not even my friends acknowledge me, my parents just ehhhhh. No matter how good I score, No matter how good I behave, No matter what. I'm just never good enough. My parents think of me as a rebellious kid. And I don't know what to do about that. All I've ever done is listen to them. My parents never allowed me to go out and play with my friends when I was a kid, they never let me go on overnight trips, and they barely let me spend time with the few friends I have. They never let me go to outings my school friends planned. Despite that, I never complained. I never had good friends because of that, yet I never complained. A lot of kids my age roam around in shopping malls by themselves, have sleepovers, spend money, roam around with tons of makeup on their faces, are in relationships, and even get into illegal shit. I've never done anything Like that. And yet... I'm never the good kid. I'm still the rebel.

I've got to take care of my sister almost every day. Get her to study, study myself, take care of myself while tolerating my grandmother. I really don't like my grandma, she s very fussy and just keeps yelling around the house the moment my dad and mom leave the house. I've got sensory overload because of her voice. And now I sit and have an anxiety attack almost every time she speaks. I've always got to strive for perfection as well. And I too can't sleep well at night just cause all the worries of the world, keep weighing me down.

Chaotic academia sounds good. It's the same aesthetic my sister got when I asked her to take the test! And oooh! Me too! I love those skirts and outfits they show on Pinterest. I'd love to have them someday.

My dream profession has to be that of a writer. Or perhaps even running a library. just something cozy. Ohh! I'd love to have brown hair, and I'd want to be tall just a little shorter than What I am right now. I just reached my father's height yesterday. And more or less, I'd like the rest to stay just as it is. and perhaps a lighter shade of skin tone. What about you though?

My question for you! If you were to be stranded on a beach island for a week. Who would you bring with you and how would you spend your time there. You can include whatever elements of nature you want to include like forests, lakes, and all.

Sending love, warmth, hugs, and whatever I have to spare that you would like to you!!!!

-Love from Lisette

P.S. That's an interesting family you've got, right there!

[notjustdrwhoboards]

3, 21, 25, and 27 for the OC asks, any character(s) of your choosing! ❤️

Ah, thanks for asking baby <3

I think I'm gonna ramble about my Resi Village OCs, if that's okay.

3) What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

Edric: The name itself means rich and powerful, which is fitting for a member of house Dimitrescu, added to that, it starts with E. Which is apparently a secondary Dimitrescu theme considering the other four. He's referred to as Ed, though that's mostly when people want to irritate him. Otherwise, his sisters just refer to him as baby brother (Dani & Cassie especially). Alcina tends to refer to him as little one or sweetling.

Wolf: Has no particular meaning and is just something she chose because it sounded cool. In and of itself it's technically a nickname, but only because if you ask her she'll tell you that her full name is 'Jesus kid, were you raised by fucking wolves? Stop biting me you little shit. Heisenberg', which, obviously is not actually an appropriate name. Other nicknames include brat (affectionate), pup, kid and very rarely Wolfie. Child (derogatory) is one that Alcina often uses on her, as is Savage.

Miri: It's a derivative of Miranda, given Moreau's worship of the woman, he decided to name his child after her, but he equally didn't want to be too obvious about it. The actual meaning of the name is 'wonderful' which isn't too relevant, but is still very cute. Her cousins still tend to refer to her as Fish, or Fish girl. Mother Miranda calls her disappointment.

Luis: In universe, he's named for Donna's grandfather. Out of universe, I put way too much effort into thinking of a name for him. Someone pointed out that Donna and Angie's names are a potential reference to the original owners of the Annabelle doll, so I decided that I wanted her child to be able to have the nickname Lou, who was Angie's boyfriend and the first person to be outright attacked by Annabelle. It's meaning is 'fighter' or 'warrior', which is actually pretty far from the truth when it comes to Luis himself. As far as nicknames go, it's generally Lulu, and only Angie really gets to call him that.

21) What is their favorite thing about their personality?

Edric: If everything is an option, then everything, Edric is the type of person who thinks very highly of himself, which just comes from being raised the way he was. But if he had to narrow it down to just one thing, he'd say his respect for women. It's just so engrained in who he is, both from being afab, and from having the mother he does.

Wolf: Her adventurousness. Wolf loves the fact that she just does not give up, ever, likes that she can find joy even in the most mundane of places. After all, everything can be fought if you try hard enough. Because of her adventurous nature she's discovered all sorts of places in the factory that even Heisenberg doesn't know.

Miri: She loves how loyal she is. It's a very genuine sort of loyalty, not codependent like Luis can be. Others might think that her loyalty can be too extreme, but personally, Miri thinks they're just angry about getting bitten in the leg...

Luis: Though this isn't necessarily a good trait to like, he likes his ability to keep negative emotions away from himself. He's in general fairly calm, and it seems like negativity just rolls off of him, but no, he's just good at compartmentalising.

25. What is their biggest flaw?

Edric: Arrogance is a fatal flaw and Edric has that in spades, the boy is a straight up narcissist which leads him to view himself as superior to those around him.

Wolf: Has no common sense. With invulnerability comes a complete lack of common sense, this girl will straight on try to fight natural disasters if you let her.

Miri: Tends to attack first, explain later. Heaven help you if you insult her papa, Miri's rows of teeth are sharp and her love for him knows no bounds. If you infringe on the people she loves or insult them in any way you're getting bitten or shocked. And then...maybe she'll give you a long list of reasons why it had to happen.

Luis: CODEPENDENT. Try to remove him from Donna in any capacity and he malfunctions. He needs his mother as much as she needs him and the two have a highly codepent relationship with one another.

27. What is their biggest strength?

Edric: His love for his family. To Edric, family is everything, he adores his sisters, his mother, even his aunt, uncles and cousins...sometimes...

Wolf: Her trust. Though she leaps into situations headfirst, like a tiny missile, Wolf also has complete faith in her father.

Miri: Her patience. Miri is an ambush predator in every way, she's patient and loving in the best possible way. She's always ready to be the shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, and though she can't speak she enjoys giving comfort to others.

Luis: Self control. Of all the children, Luis is the one with the best control over his mutation, even before he first arrived at the Beneviento manor at age 5, he had better control over it that 9 year old Wolf did. Unlike the others, he can recognise the danger of having such mutations and learnt to control it.

[mediaevalmusereads]

A Duke, the Lady, and a Baby. By Vanessa Riley. New York: Zebra, 2020.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Rogues and Remarkable Women #1

Summary:   When headstrong West Indian heiress Patience Jordan questioned her English husband's mysterious suicide, she lost everything: her newborn son, Lionel, her fortune—and her freedom. Falsely imprisoned, she risks her life to be near her child—until The Widow's Grace gets her hired as her own son’s nanny. But working for his unsuspecting new guardian, Busick Strathmore, Duke of Repington, has perils of its own. Especially when Patience discovers his military strictness belies an ex-rake of unswerving honor—and unexpected passion . . . A wounded military hero, Busick is determined to resolve his dead cousin’s dangerous financial dealings for Lionel’s sake. But his investigation is a minor skirmish compared to dealing with the forthright, courageous, and alluring Patience. Somehow, she's breaking his rules, and sweeping past his defenses. Soon, between formidable enemies and obstacles, they form a fragile trust—but will it be enough to save the future they long to dare together?

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: racism, blood, violence, allusions to suicide, imprisonment, and non-voluntary institutionalization

Overview: I first learned of Vanessa Riley while reading an article about women of color and historical romance, so when I finished a rather confusing (and depressing?) read, I decided to see which of Riley’s books my library had on offer. This novel originally caught my eye because of the marketing: a multi-cultural regency romance? Seems like just the thing I’m looking for! Unfortunately, the writing style just didn’t gel with me, so for that reason, I can’t give this book more than 2 stars.

Writing: While I can respect the easy-to-digest prose style of most romances, Riley’s style didn’t work for me for a number of reasons. First, I found the use of the first person jarring. If you know me, then you’ll know that first person narration feels unnatural to me (unless the book is self-conscious about the way perspective is being used). But I also found the first person strange because Riley’s book alternates between Patience’s POV (which is in first person) and Busick’s POV (which is in third person). While the shift in POV was a nice delineation between the two characters’ perspectives, I ultimately had some trouble losing myself in the story because there was such a marked shift. I found myself preferring Busick’s chapters over Patience’s because I found it easier to let the prose just kind of wash over me.

Riley’s prose style is also a bit too reliant on dialogue and rhetorical questions for my taste. A large portion of this book involves characters talking to one another, which would be fine except I felt like Riley used dialogue in order to tell readers things rather than show them. The dialogue would repeat certain ideas or events over and over again, and the flow of the conversations didn’t feel natural, as topics would change abruptly or characters would speak in ways that didn’t feel genuine. I did like moments when Patience and Busick would have a little tit-for-tat; Riley is strongest when writing Patience's witty comebacks to Busick’s insistence on military order.

But because there was so much dialogue, there wasn’t much room for anything else, and I felt like Riley wasn’t quite sure of how to create suspense without dialogue. As a result, there are a lot of rhetorical questions; “Was she a spy?” “Did he have some secret in his past?” and the like. I feel like these types of questions popped up every other page, and part of the reason they were relied on so much may have been because Riley had a tendency to tell rather than show. Riley would point blank tell us what her characters were thinking or feeling, as well as what actions they were taking, and as a result, the narrative (and characters) felt flat.

Structurally, I also think the book could have used some tweaking. Early on, I felt like Riley was using a lot of expositional dialogue to dump a lot of info on the reader, and Patience’s internal monologue would make allusions to characters or events in ways that felt awkward and/or not relevant in the moment. I even had some trouble determining what exactly was going on at first because the book starts out with an exciting scene, and the circumstances that created that scene were unclear (unless you read the book summary first). To help with this, it would have been beneficial to get some kind of prologue, and if Riley didn’t want a prologue that depicts Patience being separated from her son or being victimized by the antagonist, then maybe we can see her escaping Bedlam or joining the Widow’s Grace - anything to give the book the space to establish a setting.

Plot: This book primarily follows our heroine, Patience Jordan, as she tries to regain custody of her son, Lionel. Following her husband, Colin’s, suicide, his uncle Markham seized control of their estate at Hamlin and claimed guardianship over Lionel. The reason? To gain access to Patience’s father’s money. To cover up the truth, Markham had Patience committed to Bedlam, so now, Patience must find evidence that Markham fabricated this insidious plot - evidence that she thinks is contained in some legal documents hidden within the family home.

However, Lionel’s legal guardian is not Markham, but Busick Strathmore, Colin’s cousin. Wanting to do right by his family, Busick seizes control of Hamlin and establishes himself as Lionel’s adoptive father. Not sure if Busick can be trusted, Patience gets herself hired as a wet nurse for Lionel, and uses her knowledge of the house to look for the legal documents that will prove Markham’s guilt, thus preventing her from being separated from Lionel again.

On paper, this plot looked really intriguing, but in practice, not a whole lot happened. Most of our time is spent reading the dialogue between Patience and various other characters, and we don’t actually get to see much of her snooping around, risking getting caught, and so on. Events didn’t seem to build on one another, so I mostly felt like I was getting character snapshots rather than an actual narrative.

There’s also something of a side plot where a mysterious “ghost” causes some minor trouble around the house. Personally, I think this plot could have been more centralized; if Riley had gone full Gothic romance (I’m thinking Jane Eyre because Jane gets hired to care for a child and Thornfield is spooky), I think this book would have been a delight. But the existing tone is a little too light, so it didn’t quite achieve the desired effect.

I also think that the whole Widow’s Grace stuff removed a lot of agency from Patience. While I liked that Patience had friends - especially friends in high places that could wield social influence to help her - having an organized, underground band of women was a little much for me. I would have preferred to see Patience concoct plans and discover information on her own, rather than having the Widow’s Grace act as the architect.

Characters: Patience, our heroine, is fairly likeable in that she’s brave, determined, and fiercely loyal to the people she cares about. I really enjoyed following her as she tried to search for her legal papers, outsmart Busick, and bring her companions along for the ride. I also liked that she had a lot of complex emotions surrounding her husband’s death; while the marriage wasn’t happy (and she has a lot of feelings about being treated as an Other), she also feels guilty about potentially contributing to her husband’s depression and wonders what she is going to tell her son about his father. I liked seeing her try to work through all these emotions, all while remaining focused on her goals.

Busick, our hero, is also fairly complex, but my appreciation for his complexity is dampened by some of the cheesiness that surrounds his military outlook on life. Busick is a former soldier who is working through his feelings about being injured in battle. Two years before the story begins, Busick loses his leg and must either use a prosthetic or a wheelchair, and he has a lot of issues with the perceptions surrounding his disability. As a result, he tries to hide the fact that he’s missing a leg; he never uses his wheelchair (except when alone) and plays it off like his leg just isn’t healing right. This kind of internalized ableism could have been really interesting to read about, especially since there was an opportunity for Busick to learn more about his value as something other than a soldier. However, Busick’s desperate desire to be useful to the war effort came off as fairly ridiculous; not only does he bring soldiers into his home and conduct drills in his yard (wouldn’t that be done at a camp or base?) but he tries to put Lionel on a strict military-style schedule and requires people to witness him as he rides a horse around the lawn (to prove his strength?). His past as a notorious rake isn’t really utilized effectively either; while we get allusions to his amorous activities, I didn’t really see how it was relevant. Did the military give him more discipline and now he’s reformed? Does he find himself slipping back into his old ways now that he can no longer fight on the battlefield? How does this situation with Patience and Lionel challenge all that? I think I would have liked to see Busick grow a little more, maybe by having him use his guardianship of Hamlin and Lionel as a way to “prove” that he’s changed from rake to responsible, disciplined adult (and his disability threatens that by making him seem incapable, so he has to deal with that as well). And while there were some hints at those kinds of things, they really weren’t central to his story.

Side characters were fairly enjoyable in that they had sweet relationships with the heroine or hero. I particularly enjoyed the relationship Patience had with Jemina - her fellow inmate at Bedlam who suffers from amnesia. I appreciated that Riley didn’t make Jemina seem “crazy,” but instead, she was a capable woman who demonstrates genuine affection and concern for her friend. I also liked that Busick had a similar support in Gantry, a viscount who is helping Busick with Hamlin (and with self-acceptance?) while also struggling with his own family issues. Lady Shrewsbury, the head of the Widow’s Grace, was interesting for the role she played in using her social power to get Patience into Hamlin, but otherwise, I didn’t really like the idea of the Widow’s Grace (because it removes some agency that could have been given to Patience instead).

Markham, our antagonist, is barely present, so I don’t really have many thoughts on him. While his actions were sneaky and abhorrent, and I appreciated that Riley didn’t use him to showcase a bunch of on-page misery, I also thought he was underutilized.

Romance: I hate to say it, but I think Patience and Busick lacked chemistry. I couldn’t quite see how each character enriched each other’s emotional lives; Patience seemed to like Busick because he was fatherly towards Lionel and because he was kind, while Busick seemed to like Patience because she was pretty and defiant. I wish Riley had done a little more to make them feel made for one another; maybe Patience challenges Busick’s rigid outlook on life and shows him that he has value beyond just being a soldier. Maybe Busick shows Patience that she matters as a person - something that was lacking in her marriage to Colin - or that she doesn’t have to take on all her burdens herself. There were hints of some of these things, but because of the writing style, I thought we were told rather than shown that the two characters had feelings for one another.

I also think the romance lacked heat and longing. While not every romance has to be sexy and steamy, I do think that there should be some element of longing that plays out in how the characters interact physically. One place where Riley actually does this pretty well is when Patience discusses how well she works with Busick while taking care of Lionel at night - the two hand him over to one another and move around the room as if doing a “dance,” and they brush against one another and smell each other’s scent. But other than that, it felt like I was smacked in the face with statements like “I noticed his mouth and wondered what it would be like to kiss it” or “Didn’t you notice? He follows you with his eyes!” I personally like these physical moments to be a little more subtle and for them to build on one another without the author having to spell out what they mean for me.

TL;DR: A Duke, the Lady, and a Baby has an intriguing premise and good characters, but ultimately lacks a strong plot, gripping prose style, or steamy romantic chemistry. Most of what holds this book back is the overuse of dialogue and rhetorical questions to create suspense, as well as the tendency to tell not show. While I would love to rate this book higher, the prose just isn’t there.

[angelsarts]

Hey I'm sorry to ask, but do you have updates for korean dramas? I can't find the link to your old one but also maybe some newer suggestions? (It's okay if you don't!)

It’s cool, I can do a new one! These are all in the order that I watched them in!

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD

1. Coffee Prince ( A great choice for a first k-drama)

Choi Han-gyul is the grandson of chairwoman Bang of Dong-in Foods, a company that has a thriving coffee business. He has never had a job and does not care for responsibility. Han-gyul is hung up on his first love, Han Yoo-joo, who only sees him as a friend. Go Eun-chan is a 24-year-old tomboy who is often mistaken for a guy. Her father died when she was 16 years old and since then she has taken over as the breadwinner in her family. When Han-kyul and Eun-chan meet, he, not knowing that she is a girl, decides to hire her to pretend to be his gay lover so that he can escape the blind dates arranged by his grandmother. 

2. Cinderella with four knights

Eun Ha Won is a bright college student who dreams of becoming a teacher. Unfortunately, she loses her mother in a tragic accident, moves in with a cruel stepmother, and has no money for her education. One day, she helps an old man and as fate would have it, moves into a gorgeous mansion with three equally gorgeous men, who also happen to be billionaire cousins and heirs to the Kang family fortune. Between the rebel-minded loner Kang Ji Woon, playboy money machine Kang Hyun Min and the super-sweet singer Kang Seo Woo, Eun Ha Won finds herself in the middle of the hottest love quadrangle to ever befall a modern fairy tale princess. Rounding out the mansion’s chaebol lifestyle are Lee Yoon Sung, who serves as the cousins’ handsome bodyguard, and Park Hye Ji, a gorgeous girl who has her own interests in the Kang family and is not above manipulating one cousin to get closer to another.

3. Bride of the century

Taeyang Group is the largest conglomerate in South Korea. The Choi family who runs Taeyang has supposedly been under a curse for a hundred years that the first bride of the eldest son will always die. When the wealthy heiress Jang Yi-kyung disappears right before her wedding to chaebol heir Choi Kang-joo , Na Doo-rim , a lookalike impostor, is brought in to take her place. Unlike the cold and calculating Yi-kyung, Doo-rim is sweet and sunny, and Kang-joo genuinely falls in love with her. As the wedding plans progress, Kang-joo and Yi-kyung’s mothers both scheme and plot behind the scenes will the romance gets more complicated with the secret of not being the real Jang Yu-kyung.

4. Strong woman Do Bong Soon

Do Bong-soon was born with superhuman strength. Her strength is hereditary and passed along only to the women in her family. Her dream is to create a video game with herself as the main character. She desperately wants to become a delicate and elegant woman, which is the ideal type of her crush, In Guk-doo, a police officer. Thanks to her strength, she gets a job as bodyguard to rich heir Ahn Min-hyuk, the CEO of a gaming company, Ainsoft. In contrast to Guk-doo, Min-hyuk is an eccentric man who is playful, a little spoiled, has no regard for rules, and dislikes policemen. He has recently received anonymous threats and has even been stalked, leading him to hire Bong-soon as his bodyguard after seeing her beat up a bunch of men after they threatened an old man who was an elementary school bus driver. A series of kidnapping cases soon happen in Dobong-dong, the district Bong-soon lives in, and she is determined to catch the culprit, who targeted her best friend. With help and training from Min-hyuk, she manages to control her strength to use it for good causes. Min-hyuk and Bong-soon find their relationship growing into something more.

5. My secret romance

Jin-wook and Yoo-mi meet at a Gangwon-do resort and get caught up in a series of misunderstandings and accidents. Yoo-mi is there to attend her mother’s second wedding while Jin-wook is there working as a bellhop (a position given to him by his Chairman father to teach him responsibility.) Yoo-mi is charmed by Jin-wook’s sly and playful personality, and they unexpectedly spend the night together. However, Yoo-mi disappears in the morning, leaving Jin-wook feeling perplexed and insulted. Three years later, the two meet again when Yoo-mi becomes a nutritionist at the company cafeteria where Jin-wook works. It seems that once a playboy Jin-wook, has given up his carefree life and works at the company owned by his father. He has feelings for Yoo-mi and has kept her bra-pad as a memory of the night that they spent together. At first, he is strict toward her, though it is only because he is looking for reasons to be near her. He later confesses this to her and agrees to wait for her.

6. Scarlet heart ryeo ( One of my all time favourites) 

During a total solar eclipse, a 25-year-old 21st-century woman, Go Ha-jin, is transported back in time to the Goryeo Dynasty. She wakes up in the year of 941 in the body of Hae Soo, among the many royal princes of the ruling Wang family. She initially falls in love with the gentle and warm-hearted 8th Prince Wang Wook, and later Wang So, the fearsome 4th Prince who hides his face behind a mask and is given the derogatory label of “wolf dog.” As the story develops, Hae Soo finds herself unwittingly caught between the rivalry and politics among the princes over the fight for the throne, an she stay alive long enough for a happy ending?

7. Falling for innocence

Min Ho is a cold-blooded corporate raider who takes no prisoners. He is a scoundrel investment banker for Gold Investment, seemingly the world’s largest financial service firm. As a cynical, self-defensive, suspicious sociopath, he wears down people with his tenacity and takes advantage of them with his delusions of grandeur. However, Min Ho has his own story of how he became evil - it was because of his uncle’s betrayal. His father was overthrown by his uncle and it caused his family to hit bottom. As Min Ho vows to get revenge, he meets Soon Jung, the daughter of his father’s former secretary who betrayed him and whom now works for his uncle. One day, he has a heart attack and is taken to a hospital. He miraculously survives his heart attack after undergoing a heart transplant. His heart is actually from Dong Wook, a young detective and Soon Jung’s fiancé who suffered from brain damage from a mysterious car accident. After receiving a new life thanks to the new heart, he is no longer the cold and callous person that he has been and undergoes a profound change to his personality, talking differently and warming up people. But he still pursues his plan to get revenge on his uncle even though his emotions get in the way at times. He gradually learns the meaning of happiness when he finds Soon Jung, whom he wants to cherish and protect. His heart becomes tender and his eyes swell with tears when as he works with her. He falls in love with her without realising it.

8. The bride of Habaek / the water god

When the narcissistic water god Ha-baek visits earth in order to find three stones powerful enough to help him claim his throne, he seeks out the help of his servant and destined bride, psychiatrist So-ah, whose family is fated to serve the water god for generations. The problem is that she has no belief in the gods and initially mistakes him for suffering from delusions. Things get even stranger when the wind god Bi-ryeom, the water goddess Mu-ra, and the semi-god Hu-ye show up to complicate things

9. Weightlifting fairy Kim Bok Joo

Kim Bok-Joo is a promising collegiate female weightlifter. Her father runs a small chicken restaurant and her uncle wants to become an actor. She has a bright personality and strong sense of justice. Kim Bok-Joo and her friends on the female weightlifting team are not popular with the guys and they don’t have boyfriends. The weightlifting team and the rhythmic gymnastic team also don’t get along at all. Meanwhile, Jung Joon-Hyung is a collegiate swimmer plagued with numerous false start disqualifications. He is 21-years-old and has a free spirit. His uncle and aunt raised him along with his cousin Jung Jae-Yi. One day on campus, Kim Bok-Joo bumps into Jung Joon-Hyung while he is riding his bicycle. Her face looks familiar to Jung Joon-Hyung. After he leaves, Kim Bok-Joo picks up a handkerchief left behind by Jung Joon-Hyung. The handkerchief is very important to him and he begins looking for it. Later, Kim Bok-Joo cleans and irons the handkerchief. She goes to the school’s swimming pool and gives back his handkerchief, but he explodes with anger when he sees that she cleaned it. Kim Bok-Joo then falls into the swimming pool and Jung Joon-Hyung jumps into the pool to save her. At that moment, Kim Bok-Joo and Jung Joon-Hyung realize where they have seen each other before. When they were both children, Kim Bok-Joo saved Jung Joon-Hyung’s life by catching him before he fell to the ground.What happens now they know each other?

10. I’m not a robot

Kim Min-kyu lives an isolated life due to a severe allergy to other people. He develops extreme rashes that rapidly spread throughout his body once he makes any form of skin contact. Jo Ji-ah is a woman who is trying to make it in life by creating her own businesses. Kim Min-kyu who owns the KM Financial company which owns Santa Maria team headed by professor Hong Baek-kyun. Professor Hong’s team has created a humanoid robot called Aji 3 which looks like his ex-girlfriend Jo Ji-ah. CEO of KM Financial, Kang Ki-young, and his father try to sell the Santa Maria team to foreign investor, Martin, who secretly knows about the Aji 3 and wants to use it as a weapon. Hong Baek-kyun sends the robot to Kim Min-kyu to convince him not to sell the team. Before Aji 3 is delivered, the robot’s body is accidentally damaged. Hong Baek-kyun approaches Jo Ji-ah, asking her to pose as the robot, giving the team time to repair Aji 3. Jo Ji-ah agrees, and impersonates the robot under the supervision of the Santa Maria team and the robot’s computer brain, can she survive without being caught out?

11. Goblin / Guardian the lonely and great

Kim Shin is a goblin and protector of souls. He is the landlord of the grim reaper, who is in charge of taking deceased souls. Wanting to end his immortal life, Shin has been looking for his human bride, the only person who can end his life. Meanwhile, Ji Eun-tak is a high school student who remains optimistic despite the tragedies and difficulties she has experienced in her life. She summons the goblin by chance, and through various encounters, ends up falling in love with him. Sunny is a chicken restaurant owner, whose beauty is undeniable, but what has she got to do with the goblin and reaper? These four characters’ lives took a series of twists and turns when they intertwined.

12. Terius behind me (Another favourite!)

Go Ae-Rin suddenly loses her husband left to take care of her two children on her own. A mysterious man, Kim Bon, that lives next door ends up getting tangled into their lives. Kim Bon is a legendary NIS agent and 3 years ago, he was involved in a failed secret operation and the woman he loved died. He has since become disconnected with the world and lives alone quietly but that soon changes as he helps his neighbor Go Ae-Rin with her children and uncover a conspiracy, which her husband became involved with all the while trying to keep his secrets by the nosy neighbours in the building.

13. 100 days my prince 

Lee Yool is the Crown Prince of Joseon, a perfectionist who disregards the majority of those in the royal palace and appears to be cold and demanding, when in reality, he is lonely. He then passes the law that all women must marry before they reach the age of 28. Hong Shim is head of the first detective agency in Joseon, a strong, intelligent figure who takes on multiple jobs to support herself and her father. She is also the oldest unmarried woman in her village, and begins to look for a husband to avoid trouble from law officials. In an attempted assassination, Lee Yool develops temporary amnesia and wanders around aimlessly as a commoner with no name or identity, until he meets none other than Hong Shim, who takes him under her care. Hong Shim is then forced to marry Won Deuk to save her village from drought, due to beliefs in that era where natural disasters are a result of an unmarried woman’s misery. This drama depicts how the love story of Hong Shim, ‘Joseon’s oldest unmarried woman’ and Lee Yool, the amnesiac Crown Prince, develops over the span of 100 days.

14. My ID is Gangnam beauty

Kang Mi-rae decides to get plastic surgery after years of being bullied because of her looks. Her “rebirth” seems successful at first, but as her life at the university unfolds, her plan starts to backfire. The pressure of being a “pretty girl” begins to pressure her and, worse, those who can see through her surgery ridicule her and tag her as the “Gangnam plastic surgery monster.” The drama follows Mi-rae’s story of recovering self-esteem as she figures out what a two faced friend is and gets to know her coursemate, and former schoolmate in middle school, Do Kyung-seok

15. The secret life of my secretary 

Do Min-Ik works as a director of the mobile media 1 team at T&T, he’s smart and excellent at his job however he doesn’t like to attach himself to people or his secretary. His secretary is Jung Gal-Hee, a diligent and motivated person that does whatever it takes to keep her job and feed her family. Do Min-Ik often does childish things like calling Jung Gal-Hee continually, Jung Gal-Hee carries out Do Min-Ik’s orders without complaints but though she may look soft, she hides her tough side. The tough side soon comes out as she is fired, much to Do Min-Ik’s regret he soon discovers that he’s going to need her more than ever and discovers a new side to her in the process.

16. W - Two worlds ( Really recommended!! )

A love story of two people split apart in different worlds connected by a webtoon. The series focuses on the eponymous fictional webtoon entitled W, written and illustrated by its legendary author and illustrator Oh Seong-moo. W became famous in the entire South Korea, the storyline of the webtoon W starts with the younger years of its main character Kang Chul, a handsome and intelligent boy who is also skilled in shooting. He becomes famous as he won a shooting competition during the 2004 Athens Olympics but this fame gets ruined when his entire family was killed by an unknown Murderer, and then framed for it. Another villain Han Cheol-ho  handles the case to gain political popularity, pronouncing in court to impose death penalty upon Kang Chul. Nevertheless, Kang Chul was deemed innocent of the crime. Depressed over losing his family, he attempts to commit suicide over the Han River but he stops himself and chooses to move on with his life.Ten years later, Kang Chul becomes a multimillionaire, starting his “Project W” in his continuous efforts to catch the real culprit behind his family’s death; part of the project is his television broadcasting company dubbed “W,” after the initials of the interrogatives “who” and “why” (hence, the title of the webtoon). One night, he receives a suspicious phone call and gets severely injured by the same mysterious Murderer at the rooftop of his penthouse, only to be saved by a mysterious girl, none other than the authors daughter. How did she get there? Why is she there? How will they become entangled?

17. My contracted husband Mr Oh

Han Seung-Joo (Uee) is a single woman in her mid 30’s who works as a PD at a broadcasting station. She does well at her job, but is not nearly as good when it comes to housework. Han Seung-Joo has a hard time dealing with social prejudices about single women but still refuses to marry at least until an incident that occurs leading to a dramatic change in her life. She seeks to find a husband thinking it would help her situation but to get the position of a “married woman,” Han Seung-Joo marries Oh Jak-Doo as a contract husband who lives in the mountain that she just happened to own. Their marriage is not based on love, but their relationship develops romantically after several twists and turns.

18. Marriage contract ( For those who love to cry, seriously heartbreak ahead )

Kang Hye-soo is a single mother who struggles to raise her daughter while paying off her late husband’s debts. Han Ji-hoon is the son of a chaebol who seeks a contract marriage in order to save his mother, who needs a liver transplant. When Hye-soo is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, she agrees to marry Ji-hoon and donate part of her liver to his mother, in exchange for enough money to provide for her daughter until she reaches adulthood. Han Ji-Hoon is driving along when Hye-Soo is almost hit saving her 7 year old daughter Eun-Seong, He rushes her to the hospital as she faints however while she is being tested the Manager of the restaurant Han Ji-Hoon owns Ho-Joon tells him might be a scam and to make sure she is really hurt. Han Ji-Hoon has Hye-Soo’s phone and receives a call from a mysterious man which turns out to be the debt collector who comes to the hospital after hearing it being said in the background. He chases Hye-Soo when she is leaving, where he almost catches her but she in the end hides in Han Ji-Hoon’s car with Eun-Seong. Han Ji-Hoon’s mother has been rushed to the hospital where they find out that if she doesn’t get a liver transplant she will die but she is way down on the list so Han Ji-Hoon decides to marry a Hye-Soo she agrees so she can pay off her debt and also make sure Eun-Seong has money to grow up on as she gets the results back from when she fainted and she has a brain tumour. Eun-Seong in the beginning doesn’t like Han Ji-Hoon but she warms up to him as the pretend relationship blossoms into something real.

BONUS

19. 200 pounds beauty

Han-Na is a very large girl with a warm heart. She also possesses an unbelievable voice. Han-Na wants to become a pop-singer, but due to her extra-large appearance, can only work as a faceless singer. She provides the vocals for a popular singer named Amy, a beautiful young lady that can’t carry a note to save her life.Han-Na is also in love with Amiys music producer, Sang-Joon, but it’s a one-sided love. One day, Han-Na is invited to Sang-Joon’s birthday party and receives a red dress from him to wear to his party. Han-Na is excited, yet scared. The dress is revealing and quite extravagant. With her very large figure, she is not sure if she can wear such an outfit. Han-Na does eventually go to the birthday party in the red dress, but is mortified when petite Amy appears in the same red dress. During the course of the birthday party, Han-Na absorbs more emotional trauma and she simply disappears for one year. Han-Na then returns as the beautiful Jenny, a beautiful stunner who decides to make it on her own in the industry but encounters her once sided love. Will she be a success? Will her feelings get in the way and can she keep the guilt of the consequences of what her change brings?

20. Takane to Hana ( Japanese )

A tv show adapted from a manga ( that I particularly loved).  After her older sister refuses to go to an arranged marriage meeting with Takane Saibara, the heir to a vast business fortune, high schooler Hana Nonomura agrees to be her stand-in to save face for the family. But what happens when Hana meets Takane is an unexpected pairing of utter opposites! Although it seemed a little rushed at the end it was a nice tv show!

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi…if I’m being honest, I’m not really sure how this works…

I’ve been following your blog for a couple of weeks now (the Monday floofs always make me smile), and I guess I have a about emotional abuse, if it’s okay for me to ask?

I was wondering, have you ever heard of intermittent emotional abuse? Whenever I tell people about my mom, they tell me she is emotionally abusive. However, I’m afraid to agree because I’m not sure if she is actually bad enough to count as abusive.

Days or even weeks can pass without anything bad happening. She never swears at me when angry, and she never says anything over-the-top (I wish you were dead, for instance).

At the same time though, growing up, whenever she was frustrated, I noticed that she would get angry at me over things she would normally not care about. She would not apologize, either. When I got older, I told her that she was using me as her emotional punching bag. She apologized and promised to do better, and she did for a bit, but overall, nothing changed.

She would constantly invalidate my emotions, and she would get annoyed whenever I would talk about something I enjoyed too often. She actually banned me from watching more than one episode of my favorite TV show per week at one point (I was punished because, according to her, I thought about the show too much—not “watched it too much,” but “thought about it too much”). With another thing I enjoyed a few years later, she once got mad at me because “Your whole face lights up when you talk about it!” She also would just get angry at me for crying, being scared, or feeling any emotion she did not like.

She rarely apologized. Instead, she would turn it around on me, or she would promise to do better, but would not. I remember, at one point, I told her that she had promised not to get so mad at me over the little things, but had not kept her promise. She replied with how I had promised not to give her an attitude, but still did sometimes. I told her that I was trying, and she said that she was trying, too. But while I actually stopped giving her an attitude—and speaking to her about anything unnecessary—she got worse with the anger.

The past two years have been the worst. I’m 16 now, and I’ve noticed that her words have had more of an effect than before. I started suspecting that something was off three years ago, when we were on a vacation that required us to walk around for several hours—not so bad on its own—in an environment so hot, the news released warnings about it (there was a heat wave). She had made me buy new shoes for the trip, but they were not comfortable, and after two days, walking felt like being stabbed in the foot. It hurt bad. However, when I tried to tell her, she got angry and told me how ungrateful I was being, and that I better not tell my dad how I felt.

Even recently, by which I mean two days ago, she was talking about what her “ideal son” would be like (I’m a girl). She said that if he was like one of my childhood friends, my dad would be in heaven, and if he was like one of my cousins, she would be in heaven.

So I asked her, “What if he was like me?”

Her response: “Then dad and I would be dead. We couldn’t handle two kids like you.”

She went on to talk about how she would not be able to handle two children as cold as I was, and how in most families, there was always one child who was “different,” so if she had a son, he would probably not be like me, anyway.

Then, I asked my dad, “But you like spending time with me, don’t you?”

He said yes.

My mom said, “Tell her the truth.”

I’m pretty sure that my mom saying this is not okay, even if it was done in a casual manner. But…I don’t know; I’m not sure if the way she acts is harsh enough to be called abuse. When I compare it to people’s experiences online, it seems so much easier. She can go as long as three months with no incident.

When I was a kid, I would view our relationship as one of the best mother-daughter relationships out there. At the same time though, even though the good times happen more often than the bad, it eventually got to a point where I was constantly bracing myself for the bad. The good was more often, but the bad outweighed it. There are a bunch of things I have not included in this message, too. A lot of times, I find myself wishing she would hurt me worse, either physically or emotionally, so that I know for sure. When I see her getting mad, I start feeling both happy and terrified—terrified that she will hurt me, and happy because that means that it is real. However, I’m not sure if I’m just crying wolf, and if I want evidence just so I can support a false claim.

I just…I don’t know. I’m tired of being around her. Last year I was TERRIFIED of her; this year, I just feel…empty. The idea of having to live with her after I graduate from college sounds like a fate worse than death, literally. I would genuinely rather die than stay with her.

I’m just so tired of her constantly being on my mind. EVERYONE I’ve spoken to—a few high school friends, and several people online—says that she is emotionally abusive. But when you condense a lifetime of wrongs down, it’s going to look like a lot, no matter how nice the person is. I just…I don’t know.

Hi, I’m the Anon who asked about dissociation vs zoning out and who asked about whether constant lecturing was okay in a relationship (when I sent the second ask, I had forgotten that I had sent the first). I guess this is partially a vent, and partially just me asking for advice.

Yesterday, my mom said that she wanted to have a talk with me. She told me that I needed to be careful about what I told people about her, because apparently, one of my aunts and one of my uncles have been talking about her and her parenting style.

Those are the only two relatives I’ve ever spoken to about my mom, and rarely (twice to my aunt, once to my uncle). According to my mom, though, while they know she is a good parent, they are worried that her parenting style is starting to affect me.

Then she started lecturing me and asking, “Look at what I’m doing now. I’m driving you to a restaurant because you wanted to eat out. I drop you off at your friends’ houses because you want to go. Look at everything I do for you.” She went on for a while about all the things she did, explaining how she did everything for me and had no life outside of me, and scolded me for expecting her to be perfect. She said that she thinks I am just being a dramatic teenager, and I am probably exaggerating my experiences and my feelings.

Just…I’m so confused now. What if she’s right? Nobody is perfect. I know that I’m not. What if she’s right, and I’m just making a big deal out of everything for, I don’t know, attention or something?

She also brought up a recent example: she had been talking about her ideal son (I am a girl), and I asked her. “What if the son was like me?”

Her response was that she and my dad would be dead, because they would not be able to handle two children so cold and aloof. I then asked my dad whether he enjoyed being around me, and when he said that she did, my mom told me to stop lying.

So yesterday, when we were talking, my mom told me that I needed to stop taking things out of context. She said that of course she would want a different kid, because who wants two of the same thing? For instance, if I had sisters, would I want them to be the same, or different?

But…that isn’t what she said the first night. She specifically mentioned how I was too cold and aloof. And even last night, she told me, “The reason I said that is because your dad and I want a daughter. A child. We want to be parents, and we want to be a family. It’s not that we don’t love you, it’s that we don’t think you love us enough.”

I just don’t know anymore, and it’s driving me crazy. My mom is right in that she does do everything for me. What if I am being too harsh and expecting too much from her?

At the same time, though, I started suspecting she was emotionally abusive two years ago. I dismissed it as, “I’m being dramatic. In two years, I probably won’t feel the same way.” But two years passed, and I still do feel that way.

Then, a few months ago, I thought, “Well, obviously I’m biased. No one else seems to think anything else is wrong with her parenting style.” But then, two of my friends sat me down to discuss how they are starting to think that my mom is emotionally abusive

Even then, I was still not convinced, so I talked to some friends who I have known since childhood, and to some people on Reddit (probably not the best idea, but I was desperate). EVERYONE said that my mom was emotionally abusive. The only people who haven’t outright called her abusive are my aunt and uncle whom I mentioned, but they, and my mom, were all abused and neglected as children, and they don’t acknowledge that, either (forcing a 5 year-old to walk on the side of a busy road to get school, ALONE, for instance, is just one example). Surely not all of the people who have agreed with me are people whom I accidentally fooled with exaggeration.

And what about all the feelings I’m experiencing? The last week in particular, I remember thinking about how I don’t even feel like I own my own body; how it felt like that was only a possession of my mom’s. For context, she’s really controlling about what I can eat, and I would constantly hear “Only eat if you’re hungry.” “Leave 25 percent of your stomach empty.” “You can only have 75 percent of the food on your plate. If you get hungry later, eat fruit.” “I gave you extra food, so leave a third of it.” “Stop saying you’re hungry; you’re only eating because you like it!” “At the party, don’t forget: only one sweet thing.” “You had a mini cupcake three days ago, so I don’t want you eating that cookie because we might get dessert in two days.” “STOP ACTING LIKE I DEPRIVE YOU OF SUGAR!”

A month ago, I started losing my appetite, and she started forcing me to eat more (I mentioned an example of that with the fruit in one of my other asks). Today, I know that I have to drink some fruit juice she’ll make, water with the weird powder in it, at least five other glasses of water, two other fruits, and actual food. If I don’t have the room, than she’ll tell me not to eat the actual food.

She even keeps going on about my body hair, and since I was 13, she’s been forcing me to wax and thread my upper lip. I didn’t mind the waxing too much, but when she switched to threading, it HURT. I begged for about a year before she switched back to waxing (she had stopped because I once got spicy sauce on the skin after waxing and it burned it). She’s been talking about me waxing my arms and threading my eyebrows, and I REALLY, REALLY DO NOT WANT TO.

It’s my body, and I’m not ready! I’m not self-conscious about the hair, so why does she have to make such a big deal about it? She’s constant talking about having me get a full-body laser treatments and I. Don’t. Want. It! She even keeps talking about how she’s going to start introducing me to guys when I’m 21, and how, hopefully, I’ll start trying to find one to get married to when I’m 24. She just doesn’t stop, no matter how much I tell her that it makes me uncomfortable. She just says, “It’s just introducing you! I’m not making you marry any of them.”

I don’t even feel like I’m in control of my life right now. I feel like I’m her doll; that she OWNS my body the same way she owns this house and her clothes. I don’t doubt that she loves me, but I’m starting to think that she loves me the same way you love a pet or a favorite toy.

But now, I also feel so guilty, because what if she’s right? What if I am being cruel or exaggerating? At this point, I don’t even know—I’m just so tired of having to think about this. I just want to be a good person.

Also, sorry for sending in yet another ask; I know that this is my third or fourth. I wasn’t originally going to send anything, but I woke up feeling so numb, and then this all hit me like a train, and I panicked and wasn’t sure what else I could do.

(previous asks)

I hope you don’t mind me answering these two asks at the same time, nonnie; they were sent pretty far apart but I figured from context they were from the same person.

From what you shared, your mom sounds very emotionally abusive and neglectful, nonnie. I know it's hard to believe a parent is abusive when other people's abuse stories sound so much worse than yours, but it's important to remember two things. One, that abuse doesn't have to be the worst it could possibly be for it to be abuse. Just like physical abuse doesn't have to leave bruises or broken bones to be physical abuse, emotional abuse doesn't need to include parents telling you they wished you were dead to count. And two, that, when you go through abuse for long periods of time and your abuser constantly justifies their behaviour, it tends to become so normalised in our minds that it doesn't feel like it's “that bad” anymore. Meanwhile, when we hear other people's stories of abuse, we mostly hear about things we haven't experienced and haven't been normalised in our minds, so they tend to sound “worse” to us. Moreover, when we're thinking about someone else's suffering, it's far, FAR easier to see it from a rational point of view than when we're thinking about our own suffering. We always tend use our emotional brain to think about ourselves, and that's why it's easier to accept that others are suffering and deserve better than to think WE are suffering and deserve better. And, again, going through abuse exacerbates these feelings, because we get told our emotions and pain and boundaries aren't okay and are unreasonable and selfish.

Regarding the abuse being too intermittent to count, I answered another ask on the topic a while ago, which you can read here. I don't think there's such a thing as “abuse that's too intermittent to count as abuse”. If there is a cycle of abuse, and you are getting hurt and experiencing distress or any symptoms of PTSD, then I don't think it matters how “slow” that cycle is or how few and far between the moments of cruel abuse are: you are a victim of abuse, and you deserve to acknowledge that and to get away from the situation and heal. And, nonnie, “days or weeks” isn't that far between at all. When I think of very intermittent abuse, what comes to mind is abuse that only happens in certain moments of the year (for example, only during summer holidays). Abuse happening every few days or weeks still sounds to me like continuous abuse—and, if it helps to hear, that's how frequent my own abuse was for most of my life.

I think it could help you to watch this video on childhood emotional neglect, because some of the things your mom does definitely sound like some of the forms of childhood emotional neglect listed in the video.

Using you as her emotional punching bag, getting mad at you for expressing positive emotions around her, telling you that having another child like you would be the death of them and calling you ungrateful for trying to establish boundaries that are inconventient to her are all forms of emotional abuse and neglect. It's also a red flag of abuse to get told that you shouldn't talk negatively about her to others; many abusers hate it when you talk to others about the way they treat you.

Additionally, reminding you of every single thing they do for you to make you feel guilty is also emotionally abusive. When she drives you to meet your friends, she's not doing you a selfless favour out of the kindness of her heart—she is doing her job as a parent, something she signed up to be. But emotionally abusive parents often love to remind their kids of every little good thing they do to make us feel guilty for having any negative emotions toward them, and to downplay the not-so-good things they do to us. That's why many abuse victims end up constantly punishing themselves for thinking badly of their abusers and reminding themselves of every good thing the abuser has done, and that's also why we tend to constantly question if the bad moments are "bad enough" not to get cancelled out by the good ones: because abusers weaponise every single decent thing they do for us and use it to paint themselves as saints and as victims. They make us feel like it's a horrible sacrifice to take care of us, when in reality they signed up to take care of us; none of us asked to be under their care.

And wishing it would be “worse” so you could be certain it was abuse, as well as constantly bracing yourself for her to be cruel again, are all symptoms that you're dealing with trauma from abuse, nonnie. People who haven't been abused don't wish they'd get treated worse just so they could be sure they're not making up their own pain. It's also a sign that you've been abused to constantly worry that your abuser is “right” and that you're making everything up, exaggerating your pain somehow, or accidentally being an attention-seeker. In reality, all you've done is have and express your own emotions and trauma, nonnie. You don't want anything else but to have your pain acknowledged and to stop going through abuse. You can't accidentally be an attention-seeker. You can't accidentally fake your own very real emotions. There's no such thing as feeling the “wrong” emotions. Especially not when it comes to trauma.

It's also common, when you go through abuse, to feel like you're not in control of your own body or life, and like you are at the mercy of your abuser. In my experience, this happens because we get so constantly denied boundaries regarding our bodies, time, and emotions, and we get told so often our emotions are wrong and selfish and un-called for, that we can feel like we're going crazy, like our own bodies and minds aren't ours.

It's absolutely not okay for your mother to control what you eat in that way, nonnie. I'm furious on your behalf that you have to hear this stream of bullcrap every time you eat. Ugh. You absolutely do not need to worry about how many sweet things you eat or about leaving food on your dish, and I'm so sorry you have to put up with this from her. It's no wonder you don't feel in control of your own body when she doesn't let you choose what you eat and what you don't. If you don't mind me sharing my personal experience, my mother had a phase at one point where she decided having omega 3 supplements was a necessary part of life and she'd force me to eat them or she'd scream at me if I refused. Just going through that for a few months felt incredibly intrusive and traumatic, and I can't even imagine this on a daily basis with every single food you have. Forcing you to ingest things you don't want to is most definitely physical abuse. So is making you keep walking while in pain and under a heatwave.

And I'm about to get slightly more personal here, because the topic of forced hair removal is very close to me, but it is absolutely not okay and very VERY messed up for her to make decisions on your body hair, especially permanent decisions. You're right that she has absolutely no right to make your body hair a big deal. I, too, was forced to shave since I was 12 and actually started permanent laser hair removal because I was forced by my parents, and those sessions were traumatic. I did not want my body hair gone, and the laser was very, very painful, and the people who did those sessions constantly berated me for expressing pain and told me it was something “every woman should go through” and to suck it up. I still have bald spots on my legs from it years after I stood up to my parents and refused to do another session. So, from personal experience: she does NOT get to put you through that. Your body hair is your business, and your business alone.

And, oh my god, what the fuck. She does not have a right to control your dating life. She does not have a right to make you meet boys at ANY age. I know from your other ask that you struggle to tell apart what's healthy and what isn't in a romantic relationship, and let me tell you, what she is doing right now sounds like she is setting you up to end up in a toxic relationship. And I will reiterate something I mentioned in that other ask, because I think it's vitally important to know: romantic relationships are not mandatory. Marriage is not mandatory. There's not one set age at which you need to start looking for someone to date or marry. If you go into adult life with that mindset, there's a very high chance you'll end up in a toxic relationship out of fear that being single is worse than being with someone who makes you miserable, and it's majorly messed up for her to be setting you up for this kind of future.

So, in conclusion, nonnie, I definitely don't think you're exaggerating. In fact, I think you need to get far away from her as soon as you can, for your own safety. The way she treats your body and life as her property and makes decisions for you regarding them sounds deeply traumatic, and it is very dangerous to have so little control over yourself. I'm especially concerned about the food issue, because having a bad relationship with food and getting less food intake than you need can have very dangerous psychological side effects. And you most definitely do not have to go through her plans for your adult life. You deserve to live a life that is yours, and to make your own decisions about who you meet and who you date and what you do with your body.

I'm sending the biggest virtual hug and all my support your way. No one deserves to live like this, and please know you deserve so much better than this, and you most definitely deserve to label what she's putting through as abuse. ❤️

[ubernoxa]

The Token: A Guns N’ Roses Fanfiction

Chapter 7: Cousin Kendal

Masterlist

Story Summary: Story inspired by the movie She’s the Man. A female Duff is tired of dealing with the bullshit of trying to make it on the strip as a female bassist. In a desperate attempt to make it big doing what she does, she cuts her hair and mascardes as Duff. What’s the wors that could happen?

Chapter Summary: Cousin Kendal comes to town causing several problems and hiccups in Michelle’s plan

Taglist: @viralwolf02 @littlemisscare-all @smokeandmirrorz @aratbaby @slashscowboyboots @achiweyow

“So what did you do last night? Have any fun?” Derek quizzed as I was wiping down the display cases in between rushes.

“Went out with Walter and Macy, and it was...interesting. Went to a couple bars that had okay music. Nothing I won’t forget in a couple weeks though. How about you?,” I shrugged back. The bar hopping part of the night might have been my idea to get away from a certain group of people.

I continued to listen to Derek as he talked about the girl he met last month and was still going out with. He kept going on and on about how cute and sweet she was, making my heart warm. Yeah I was quickly growing tired of his constant praise or borderline obsession over his girlfriend, but I was glad at least one of us had a healthy relationship, hell a relationship in general. The best word to describe my relationship status was nonexistent. I froze for a second as an unfamiliar figure stared back at me. I remained frozen staring at my own reflection. I hadn't noticed it at first, but Michelle the brunette bassist who worked at a coffee shop seemed to be slowly turning into a stranger. A mask I would put only only when needed.

“ I hope my father hasn't been working you too hard,” my heart stopped at the familiar voice that came from behind me.

“No Kendal, but just enough to keep me out of trouble,” I quickly turned around and sent the familiar face a smile, except she wasn’t as familiar as I had expected her to look. It wasn’t her hair, her clothing, or her makeup that was different, but something was. She quickly pulled me into a hug before letting go of me and placing her hand under my chin.

“Did you grow? You have to at least be part giraffe by how tall you’re getting!” She quizzed as I felt her look me up and down

“Giraffe? I’m not even 5’ 10”!” I teased back.

“Ohh there is my college girl,” I turned to see my uncle running out of the back office to give his daughter a large bear hug. It was nice to see them back together after the six months that had passed. I sent them both a warm smile before returning back to work.

“What major is she this week?” I had to hold in a snort at Derek’s comment. He had many options about Kendal, and a majority, arguable all, of them weren’t good.

“Hey now, do you know what you want to do for the rest of your life? It is both a scary and hard choice!” I whispered back. Kendal had tried marketing, accounting, journalism, typography, design, and now she was sitting in general business management.

He shrugged and joined me in washing the dishes.

“What would you do?” As he shot up from organizing the pastries, it was clear that my question had caught him off guard.

“What?”

“I said, what would you do if you had the money to go to school?” I repeated.

He shrugged before returning back to the pastries, after a couple of seconds I heard him reply, “I would go to culinary school. Once I got the degree I would head to New York and never look back,” I felt a sense of comfort flow through me as he talked.

“I have always heard that New York has the best dining. Unless it is deep dish pizza, that belongs to Chicago,” I smiled back earning a nod from him.

“Yeah I would become an apprentice or some shit like that and save up enough money until I could own my own local restaurant. It may take 10 or 15 years, but when I have it….ohh god when I get it I will name it after my dad and have his sausage stew as a permanent item I will do anything to get there. Hell, I got one more year before I can start affording to go to college part time. I have and will do whatever it takes,” he added.

“Let me know when you open because I will be the first in line. I will camp out a week before your open if that's what it takes!” I smiled back, his face quickly mimicking my own.

“Are you really going to have time to? You are going to be a world famous rockstar! That's still the dream right?” he asked back, his attention no longer on organizing the pastries.

“Yeah, and I think I might have actually found the right band too! We sound unique and the songs we play aren't the ones you would forget a week later.”

“I am glad that you are finally back on your feet after your last band...what was is Pyxie or some shit like that?”

“Yeah..forget those bitches! They didn't have what it takes!”

“And you do?”

“Yeah..I gotta” I smiled back at him. These were the moments that made me love my job. These were the moments I wish he didn’t have a girlfriend.

“You gotta what?” I immediately snapped up at Kendal’s question.

“She has gotta have what it takes to make it as a rockstar!” Derek bragged as if I was his kid who just won the spelling bee. Which would never happen because I couldn’t and still can’t spell for shit.

“She has to have what it takes,” Derek rolled his eyes when Kendal corrected his grammar. Kendal had many quirks and Derek could not tolerate any of them.

I watched Derek like a hawk as he tried to calm himself down. Luckily for all parties involved he was successful.

“Your band is called Pyxie right?” She quickly asked and immediately apologized when she saw my reaction.

“They were my old band, and they were more interested in sex than the music...so I left and found a new one,” I received a confused look from Derek as I spoke. Using the term left was putting my departure from PYXIE lightly, but that is the beauty of telling the story. I get to tell it my way.

“Ohh sorry to hear, but sounds like you made the smart educated decision by leaving the band. What is your new band called? Can I come see you perform soon?” She was radiating excitement as she spoke.

“We don’t have a name yet, but whenever we have our next gig I will invite you and send you pictures!” The lies easily rolled off of my tongue as I spoke

“Good to hear that you found another band!” I wish I could punch Izzy in the gut when he invited himself into the conversation. How had I not seen him walk in?

“Kendal, I’m Michelle’s cousin. Are you her bandmates?” Izzy tried to hide the smile that was growing on his face, but he failed.

“No, Axl by the way” I rolled my eyes as Kendal swooned over Axl, just like every other girl he encountered.

“If you are looking to see some music tonight, or band has a gig,” I immediately stared Izzy down as he spoke.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IZZY STRADLIN.

“Oh Shelley and I would love to go,” I never broke eye contact with Izzy as Kendal spoke. I watched as a smirk grew on his face when Kendal slipped and called me my nickname from when I was 10.

“Sorry I can’t go,” I didn’t even fake a saddened tone as I spoke.

“Are you working late?” Axl’s tone was smooth as he spoke

“No, band practice,” I shrugged before Kendal could make a comment offering to get me the night off which would only cause my lie to fall apart and everything spiral out of control.

“What band? You singing or playing guitar?” Axl seemed genuinely curious which threw me for a loop.

“Bass, and name coming soon,” I quickly replied.

“Would I know anyone in this band?” I shot Izzy another death glare as he quizzed me. I wanted to slap his smirk off of his stupid face.

“No….but like I said I won’t be able to make it,” I never broke eye contact with the black haired dick as I spoke. Why? Why was he digging? He knew I was Duff. By the look on his face I could tell he was enjoying this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I started to apply my eyeliner when I heard him walk in.

“Thought you had band practice,” I heard him tease as he leaned against the wall right against the mirror I was using. I could barely focus on applying my eyeliner as he leaned against the wall smoking a cigarette. His purple blouse was unbuttoned all the way and tied at the bottom reminding me of the night that was a little over a month ago. Fuck he looked hot.

“Do you need help teasing your hair?” I raised a brow, but before I could say anything he grabbed a brush and began teasing it to the heavens. He was gently which was actually quite surprising.

“Take a picture, it will last longer,” I remained frozen while Izzy spoke as I stared in his reflection in the mirror. My mind raced around in a circle trying to figure out his game, but I couldn’t think of any reason.Was this some sort of apology?

I decided to close my eyes, and relax. We were going to perform soon, so overthinking would only make the nerves that I always get from performing worsen.

I froze as I felt a moan escape my lips. My eyes shot open and I watched Izzy continue as if nothing happened. I tried to calm my breath as he continued teasing my hair, but another moan soon escaped my lips and that is when I saw it. A smirk had grown on his lips as he repeated to tease the same spot earning another moan. This bastard was doing it on purpose.

“Ohh baby you’re so hot when you moan like that,” I then felt him kiss the crook of my neck.

“Her cousin called her Shelley,” the moment I heard Axl’s voice, Izzy went back to finishing my hair.

“You fuckers ready to kill it tonight?” Slash shouted earning a fuck yeah from the two of us.

“Duff, did you know that Michelle used to go by Shelley? Isn’t that cute? It reminds me of a stripper or dancer” Axl asked before grabbing a beer.

I shrugged looking back at him before replying, “Doesn’t really fit her. Doesn’t look like a Shelley.”

“Did you see how she reacted when her cousin said it? I’m definitely going to be calling her that from now on,” Axl’s laughter echoed backstage which was quickly joined by the rest of my band excluding me.

“Is she seeing anyone? If not, I am definitely going to find her after this gig,” Slash smiled before taking another sip of whatever the fuck he was drinking.

“Well she will be here after the show right?” Izzy turned to me as he spoke.

“No, Derek, the guy who works with her at the coffee shop asked her out on a date tonight, so neither of them will be at the show,” I shrugged back and excused myself to go get another beer.

It had taken 20 minutes of me begging and pleading with Derek for him to ask her out. I used the excuse that I hated the Indiana boys’ guts which took him a lot of convincing. Eventually he caved when I offered to cover a shift for him next weekend. He asked Kendall on a fake date, and that was the end of that problem. At least that is what I thought until I saw Derek and Kendal in the crowd.

I waited at the bar and in an instant I knew that I was fucked. Standing only a few feet away from me was Derek and Kendal. I watched as he came over and his eyes caught mine while a flash of recognition crossed his face. I motioned for him to follow me, and he quickly made some excuse to Kendal.

We stood alone in the ally as I watched him try to find his words. For the first couple of seconds we stood in silence.

“Okay, what the actual fuck is going on? Why are you dressed as a guy? Is this your new band? Last and certainly not least who the fuck is Duff,” I sighed as Derek growled at me.

“Long story short, I got sick and tired of dealing with the bull shit of trying to make it on the strip as a chick, so one day I dressed as a guy for an audition and...boom Duff was born. I am running out of options Derek. Whatever it takes. That’s what you said only a couple of hours ago. You said that you would do whatever is takes to Make your dream come true. Well that’s what I’m doing here,” Derek remained silent as I spoke.

The seconds that it took for him to respond felt like hours. “I guess that explains the wig situation, why you really wanted me to ask out your cousin, along with why you were being nice to Axl and Izzy. Two people who you despised a couple months ago,” He ran his hands through his hair as he spoke. I could tell he was trying not to freak out.

I watched as he shook his head in shock. “How long do you plan on keeping up on this charade? Does anyone else know? Do you have a plan?”

“Once I get my record deal,yes, and my plan is to not fuck this up. But before you continue to judge me, put yourself in my shoes. I’m on borrowed time Derek. Please get my cousin out of here because she can’t find out. She just can’t,” I said before leaving him to go join my band backstage.

“Whoa Duff you okay?” I tuned to Steven as his voice caught my attention.

“Yeah, just a bit nervous,” I shrugged back.

He poured a pair of shots and we took them together.

“Alright boys, let’s show them what the fuck rock and roll is,” Axl shouted before we went on stage.

It was the last song in our encore.

The last note where Axl was screaming to the heavens.

That’s when Kendal and I made eye contact.

That’s when I saw recognition cross her face.

I watched as the smile fell from her face and she immediately shoved her way through the crowd.

Fuck.

She knew.

[rorysfm]

hllo demons n nerds ! i’m sage, coming 2 u live frm the est gutters! i am... v excited to be here but i am literally the worst at intros so i’m jus gonna diiiiive right into rory below ! 

(ISABELLA JONES, CISFEMALE) - Have you seen AURORA LEBLANC? RORY is in HER SOPHOMORE year. The DANCE AND SOCIOLOGY MAJOR is 19 years old & is a LIBRA. People say SHE is LIVELY, MAGNETIC, IMPULSIVE and UNRELIABLE. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that HER PARENTS ARE COVERING UP THAT SHE WAS KICKED OUT OF YALE FOR PLAGIARISM AND NO OTHER IVY WOULD ACCEPT HER, SO THEY BOUGHT HER WAY INTO YATES

ok,  so.. rory is a brand new muse of mine so.. pls bare w me while i sort her out. if u want to skip the mess below & just vibe check her.. here’s her pinterest!

BACKGROUND

born and raised in greenwood, south carolina to oliver and lauren leblanc. her parents were high school sweethearts who were voted most likely to get married and have a dozen kids running around

they stopped at 2 because they jus... their kids were a handful but rory will tell you they stopped after her bc they hit perfection :~) 

her mom’s family teetered between lower-middle class, her mom entering a bunch of pageants to bring in some extra cash for them. 

her dad’s side on the other hand, is where all the connections are baby!!

the leblancs come from a long long line of being wrapped up in the political world. governors, members of the state senate, mayors, advisers... you name it - a leblanc has had that position. 

her dad’s goals were no different than the rest of his family’s ... some would say even bigger bc he wants to do what no other leblanc was able to do, which is... run for president. (yes hello.. rory as the future first daughter?)

growing up her parents were honestly... not the best. like above all else they put oliver’s career above their kids and it wasn’t not being there for an important recital, or a parent-teacher night; it was being there for all the wrong reasons.

 every little thing they did was calculating to make the leblancs look like the perfect family. hugs and words of encouragement loud enough to filter through the room aimed at their darling children only for them to turn cold and criticise every single thing they did wrong as soon as they got into the car. it was pretty clear that oliver and lauren were a team, and their kids were just props. 

when rory was 12, lauren started making monthly appointments at the hair salon to dye rory’s hair blonde... she had a standing appointment every tenth of the month to have her roots touched up

rory’s mom jus rly... pushed rory on her looks and enrolled her in pageants, debutante balls, anything that showed off rory’s looks... lauren pushed her towards it.

rory and her brother declan stayed in their hometown for school until college bc their parents thought it made them look like more of wholesome family so instead of sending them off to boarding schools in london or new york, they opted for private schools in south carolina

both of them were of course pushed into going to well renowned schools, their grandfather had pushed them into going to yates since he, himself had been part of calloway and they were practically legacies and while declan followed thru with it... rory watched the cinderella story one too many times and like hilary duff..... sis went to princeton for political science!!!

only it ended up in flames bc tbh she was like a bull in a china shop, the freedom of not having her parents around to judge every single thing she did? or pushing her into doing things she hated? she od’d on FREEDOM. rory rly just did her own thing, kinda spiralled out of control.. never hard drugs but lots of drinking and partying.

she ended up getting put on probation and was flunking nearly every course. the pressure really got to her (like she knew her parents would get involved if you got kicked out or if she failed all her courses) so she ended up plagiarising an essay ... but gueSS what!! she was caught and her parents got involved anyways.

her parents ended up being able to keep things ... quiet by paying off the teacher that had caught her. the dean also agreed to stay mum about it (after accepting a hefty cheque), so nothing ever went of her record, nothing would ever be documented of this mishap.

but... it’s likely people still talk and while rumors can’t be proven, it still stopped rory from getting into yale, harvard and columbia when she tried

finally with her grandfather’s pull and the promise to build yates a new library with the next 5 years... rory was accepted just as declan had graduated. 

PRESENT

pulled up to yates in her vintage baby blue mercedes benz convertible from the 60′s

she’s brand new to yates, and switched out of political science.

out of all the activities and hobbies that her parents tried to push her into, dance was the only one she actually enjoyed doing and fell in love with 

her parents let her major in it, as long as she did a double major.. so sis took sociology because why not?

spent her summer dancing with the new york ballet company in their production of a midsummer’s night dream. 

honestly.. loved it but also was lowkey bummed out she missed out on a proper summer

right before declan had graduated, rory had come up for a campus tour and ended up partying at yates for a weekend

probably got herself into a bit of trouble, and probably made a nice little impression on a few people!

PERSONALITY

honestly.. chaotic good. she’s always been a little more on the wilder side than declan.. a little more carefree and daring and just always needed to be told to behave

in fact has a tattoo that says BEHAVE  on her forearm, that she got one night back in princeton. 

that said, she’s very good at playing her part in the family

dubbed as the golden girl... bc she is just that kind of girl that has a magnetic pull to her, a smile that could combat the sun and just naturally very charming and genuinely nice?? very good a convincing you without being manipulative about it

does only angel by harry styles play when she walks in the room? possibly.

the kind of girl that you spend weeks thinking about after one (1) conversation

still gets her hair dyed blonde the 10th of every month, bc her mother has convinced her she is just not meant to be a brunette :/ 

honestly.. she’s insecure abt a lot of things because of her mom  :/

has really great posture and etiquette from all those pageant days. also really good at making cranes out of dinner napkins from being bored at functions her parents forced her to go to

would probably throw hands if she caught someone talking badly abt her brother bc she’s protective of him

very much a hopeless romantic, gets heart eyes very easily and likes to chase until it isn’t fun anymore and falls in love with multiple people a day. 

tragically likes country music :/

promised her brother she wld.. try to be good and stay out of trouble but i reckon.... she won’t plagiarize an essay ever again but everything else? the partying? fair game.

CONNECTIONS

tbh i will take anything yall will give me... i am @ ur service serving rory on a silver platter to u

i’m also big on chemistry so we can just see where things go as well since rory is new to yates this could be fun!!

a few people she met while she was visiting last year.. someone she clicked with and they stayed in touch, maybe someone she flirted with but doesn’t remember then (even tho she’ll pretend she does!), someone she hooked up with perhaps? someone she spent all night talking to? 

a brother’s friend she’s met a couple times? 

good influence/bad influence

family friends

family rivals

cousins could be fun

a roommate

a tutor?

tinder matches? hook ups, flirtationship .. anything angsty!!

friends!! pleathe i will take them all.. a girl squad would also be quite fun!

ok.. that’s all tht my lil brain can come up with.. im sorry this is so long and such a mess but hmu if you’d like to plot!!