#mxtx hates trans people i just know i just know it

[koipalm]

the fact that sqx literally becomes a beggar and like nothing is fixed and thats just apparently. their ending in tgcf makes me wanna kill myself it makes me so sick to my stomach like i feel ill

[breadandblankets]

20 questions writer meme.

thank you @crimsonrainseekingflower for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

101,970

3. What fandoms do you write for?

MXTX (SVSSS, TGCF), Fallout, Batfam, Bungou Stray Dogs, and i just started writing for S & D Tier

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the window to the soul (and other such fallacies): scumplane fixit/romance told through weekly tea breaks i fell in (to a burning ring of fire): moshang fast burn strangers to married in under 5 hours a conversation i just can't have tonight: moshangliu chronic pain au pt 1 extreme hurt very little comfort and all this devotion I never knew at all: tgcf he xuan gets Hugged!!!! Agenda!!!! this has baby ghost kings and cuddles and v strong XL til the morning when it's time for us to go: msl chronic pain au pt 3 shangliu dates extreme fluff very little hurt, except for mbj he's suffering

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! usually!! i just like to let people know that i am appreciating their appreciation.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

thats fucking Hard cause i put some of them svsss boys thru some Shit, probably life is a current which cannot be fought which is less a fic and more of an archived twitter thread in which SQQ gets angsty drafts of PIDW and are trying desperately to stop it only for it all to go horribly wrong and everyone dies! it ends with cumplane! cause im evil! i should reformat that into something readable tbh

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

besides my hugging ghost kings agenda uhhh probably my dear atlas (let me hold the sky for you) which is a tianlang-jun/yue qingyuan crushing (like the cuddling method)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

yep! i delete it

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes i do! any kind really, ive got everything from trans lesbian threeways to getting dommed by an actual literal computer tower (and a soft spot for tianyue which features a penis haver using a strap on)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

only one! its ongoing and a tgcf/dc fusion in which jason todd comes back as a ghost and gets trained by HC and HX (with secret guest appearance from BWX if anyone is paying attention ;) ): so i can find someone to rely on (and run to them)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no? i dont think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope but i have had someone make a podfic!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

if you count twitter threads? or someone coming up with an idea and i expand on it? otherwise nope

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

impossible choice but uhhh idk maybe moshang? maybe?

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

in the morrows, good mourning a moshang serial killer/mortician au, unless i get some surge of inspiration its pretty much dead in the water (unless someone wants to finish it 🥺🙏)

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue/voices

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

whatever the fuck they're doing During the dialogue

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i mean i do my best, i prefer to have it translated in line

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who by hand in a notebook lmao

20. Favorite fic you've written?

recently ghost jason! other than that if someone would only want to be sweet and kind (nsfw)

Tagging: @livingmeatloaf @owldork1998 and anyone else who wants in!!!

[almonddirge]

MXTX, whether intentionally or not, wrote a genderfluid character so beautifully it made me come out.

I haven’t read any of her interviews so if she ever clarifies how she sees Shi Qingxuan’s gender, I don’t know. Some other things to be aware of are that I’m uncertain how genderfluidity is viewed in China, or how MCTX herself sees it, and everything from her interviews to her works itself is delivered secondhand because it’s translated. That out of the way…

I came out as genderfluid before trans. It felt right for a while, but eventually I just saw myself as a trans man. Sexualities and genders change, so I figured that was my way of slowly figuring out I was, indeed, a man.

It was fine for a few years. Then, around college, I started feeling odd. I had previously had massive dysphoria and hated being seen as a girl but suddenly, I was okay being misgendered if it was unsafe. I told myself it was just so I didn’t put myself to the wrong person.

But things persisted. I’d see girls in cute outfits and wish I looked more like them. I became more and more okay with she/her pronouns, and dressed more femininely again, and my dysphoria all but vanished. I was okay being referred to as male, but it wasn’t quite right. I added they/them to my pronoun list and for a time used some neopronouns as well.

Over the next few years I kept occasionally wishing I was more feminine. It bothered me. Was I going to detransition? There’s nothing wrong with people doing that, it’s just that I had fought so hard to be seen as a man that I’d hate to backtrack. But it wasn’t all the time, so I just told myself I was an effeminate man.

Then, I started TGCF. It was entirely for Hualian, but a certain other character caught my eye. Shi Qingxuan is a very fun character, and I loved their dynamic with the more aloof Ming Yi. But there was something else.

Shi Qingxuan can transform themself. I found myself thinking how pretty they looked in each form, and that feeling inside me kept stirring. Part of me wished I could shapeshift like that. I know people have their own thoughts about genderfluid character who can shapeshift considering that’s impossible for real genderfluid character, but I like it.

I kept wishing I could be that pretty, but I didn’t realize exactly why. I told myself trans men can still want to look like women sometimes. That’s true, but not in my case.

Eventually I stumbled across this genderfluid person who made videos about masc and femme makeup that made them look like two different people. I couldn’t help but feel envious. When I showed my mother out of excitement, she was like, “…okay?”

I realized most people don’t want to be able to change like that. A lot of people don’t find the idea cool. But I wanted that. I thought it was cool. I’d watch that person do their makeup, and I’d read Shi Qingxuan’s pronouns switching halfway through sentences, and finally the egg cracked.

I’m genderfluid. Sometimes I feel one way or another for days. Sometimes listening to a song makes me feel more like a man or a woman. All sorts of things trigger changes in my gender identity. But if it weren’t for Shi Qingxuan, and that makeup artist, I think it would’ve taken much longer to realize.

[chocolatepot]

I think the issue here is that it's not that "queer women in fandom have NEVER found one they like". It's that queer women in fandom may like them, they just don't hyperfixate on them or want to write fic/draw fanart about them, which is what OTNF is saying - it's really uncommon for any piece of fiction to garner that kind of response. And what people are complaining about is the conflation of "enjoying show" with "getting fannish about show". I don't mean this in an accusatory way, but why aren't you overtly fannish about the shows and movie you list? Are there different reasons that each one doesn't resonate with you to such an extent that you're going to write 50 fics about it? Yellowjackets is incredible, but I don't want to write about it, and I wouldn't want to write about it even if the characters were male - I'm not writing fic about The Terror, either. (Though people are writing Yellowjackets fic. There's about 3k fics, which puts it in the top 1% of fandoms on AO3, because as OTNF notes, very few fandoms are actually really big.)

My own dash is very stable: wall-to-wall OFMD and Good Omens, some MXTX books, a dash of Sherlock from a couple of people and a sprinkle of Queen's Thief. (Also kdrama gifsets I scroll past.) These are fandoms that people have been invested in for years, not flashes in the pan. Occasionally I see gifs for a new movie/show that I check out as a result. I know that Migratory Slash Fandom is/was a thing, but it is not the be-all, end-all of fandom, and I think a lot of the conflict over this topic comes from the fact that there's a multitude of subgroups who are clustered under "queer AFABs and trans women whose main ships are m/m" and who don't all like the same things or have the same priorities and can't be generalized. Sure, it's not about my individual experience, but at the same time, I'm still a part of this group that gets sneered at as misogynist and so my experience is relevant. I like a) canon queer ships that b) are the central pole of their stories but c) also have other plots going on. (There are some other factors going on with OFMD and Good Omens but this is enough for right now. Suffice to say there's a reason I genderbend so much.) I'm not that into anything that just has "plausible subtext" or where the queer ship I'm supposed to care about is very sidelined from the plot, even if I might acknowledge the show's quality or enjoy watching it - I have never been a part of MSF, and given the number of "I've never felt this way about a show before"s I'm seeing from fellow OFMD/GO fans, I don't think that's uncommon.

I also see a relatively constant, though small, amount of Locked Tomb Trilogy(?) art and meta, and I know it's just the tip of the iceberg because there are a lot of people who are hyperfixated/brain-go-brrr about it. And that's in large part because Gideon and Harrow are complete opposites who are SO intense about each other - the traits that typically make people get fannish about m/m ships! There's 5.6k of fic on AO3 for it, and probably would be more if it weren't for certain story-related things.

(And I get what you mean about Maggie and Nina in Good Omens, but ... they are minor, single season characters who are human coffee-shop AU foils of the leads, who are ancient beings that have been in love without being able to acknowledge it for 6000 years.)

Part of the problem OTNF is talking about is that the earlier post with the stats showed that fandom favors m/m over f/f, but actually favors m/f over both. More fics are written that include women than exclude them. And this still gets turned into "fandom hates women". If the issue is that fandom doesn't write enough women, period, then that's one discussion (which I think requires a preliminary discussion of what "enough" would mean in the circumstances), but if it's about the lack of f/f, then there's no reason not to also bring up the subconscious bias of all the straight hetshippers ... and people do not. It's specifically queer women who read and write m/m who get framed as a problem, which unfortunately does line up with certain other TERF factors, so I'm not surprised that the people who are reblogging the stats post to say that fandom hates women are turning out to be TERFy.

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/746553097204203521/the-fandom-hates-women-response-to-lack-of-ff

The "fandom hates women" part of it comes from the fact that fandom as an entity just doesn't watch the kind of media that draws femslash, even if it ticks all of the boxes of things those very same people say they like. There are so many times I've watched a show that I've seen mega-popular Tumblr posts wishing existed, and then the fandom is so, so small comparatively and often in general. There have been superheroes, vampire/supernatural shows, fantasy shows, movies, books, the list goes on, that feel like they were generated out of Tumblr's desires for ideal fandom media, and everyone knows they're never going to attract anywhere near the same attention for fandom and fanworks because the common denominator just tends to be that if there isn't a full ensemble of attractive men to ship either with each other or with the women, fandom's not interested.

So it's not about prioritizing women in that sense, it's about people witnessing hypocrisy over and over again the second a show doesn't have a mostly-male ensemble. The people who are in these fandoms are frustrated that good faith attempts to get people interested are met with every excuse in the book that all eventually boils down to "I don't like watching stuff with women in it as much as I like watching stuff with men in it." And if that's how people feel about it... sometimes the conclusions are going to turn into the more uncharitable take of "fandom hates women."

--

Maybe, but whenever I see a "fandom hates women" reblog of my stuff, one or two reblogs further down the chain I get an overt TERF. I just had to go block several people today, in fact.

The first person to reblog with a comment like that is usually subtle, but their friends and friends of friends are not. The rhetoric that very quickly starts is the fandom equivalent of that "All the butches are becoming trans men! We're losing lesbians!" stuff.

Here's the thing: I've been in ten billion fandoms that were so awesome and fit fandom's supposed tastes to a T and yet no amount of promoting them could get anyone to try the canon. This goes for canons that are all men or all white men or all majority ethnicity men or whatever else.

The default state of media is to not engender a big fic fandom.

I agree that the rare outliers mostly follow certain patterns, but we extrapolate too far when we say that a lack of those patterns is why a fandom is small.

A fandom is small because that's the near-universal default.

--

Yes, a small slice of fandom consists of guilt-ridden queer fujoshi who say they want more f/f but don't make much of a move to make that happen. I tend to run into that a lot because of my own tastes and having friends who share those tastes.

Far more of fandom is people talking generally about how representation matters without saying they would personally join these fandoms if they existed.

Neither group is large enough to be the real reason some woman-heavy canon fails to take off to HP levels.

The real reason is not hypocrisy but the fact that most things don't take off like that. Most things without massive, massive audiences especially don't take off like that. And the very few things that do are flukes and don't actually predict that another similar thing will take off in the future.

--

Go to AO3's tag search. Search for all canonical fandom tags. Sort by uses and descending order.

Right now, I get 64,390 tags.

The first page, 50 tags, goes from HP with 497,845 works to the Thor movies with 59,266 works. By page 6, we're below 10 thousand works.

By the end of page 10, we're down to Labyrinth with 3,906.

Somewhere in the top 500 AO3 fandom tags (many of which are just franchise metatags for each other), we go all the way from megafandoms to medium size and down to relatively modest ones.

That's not a lot of room for a big f/f-heavy fandom given the trends in mainstream media and that mainstream media is where most really big fandoms come from.

--

I also notice that you're conflating a lack of desire to watch something that's primarily about women with a lack of desire to watch something that includes women.

There are tons of fans who want something more like The Mummy with a leading man and leading woman they love.

Granted, that's not me and that's not a lot of my fujoshi/slasher audience, but it's extraordinarily common. I know plenty of people who don't like canons that are only dudes, but since they also don't like canons that are only ladies and they don't ship f/f, this gets spun into "fandom hates women".

--

Let me be clear:

Conflating "lesbians" and "women" is a radfem position.

[ocdhuacheng]

i get that people genderbend male character to be female in mxtx stories (esp if those ppl are wlw) because the majority of characters are male and it is focused on mlm content. so i support wlw simping over cool necromancer lesbians you go girlies, but in general i tend to stay away from genderbend stuff because sooooo much of it is made by cis ppl and it can be a bit transphobic? it also a lot of the times falls into the cishet gender stereotype shit of "women big boobie slim waist small big lips big eyes, men big buff strong macho 8 pack square" which is! oh no cringe!

yeah EXACTLY like my thoughts too. bc the vast majority of genderbending made by cis ppl really is just. like you said. biological gender stereotype shit. i feel like most trans people i see are made pretty uncomfortable by this, and i can totally see why, so i am too. but at the same time i DO understand wlw who want more content with girls/wlw characters esp when there are so few to begin with. so like im kinda willing to give wlw the benefit of the doubt in this case even though i dont rly like to interact with it myself. but also, my beloved sisters in christ... baihe exists

the only genderbending ill really interact with is works with sqx, he xuan*, and hua cheng like since theyre the ones that are shown to or mentioned to change gender in canon. (ling wen too, tho tbh i dont rly care about male!ling wen lmfao, just for the sole reason that, well. i am a lesbian. tho i do have to say the lore behind her male form is actually rather compelling and i think if mxtx were more skilled and open to writing analysis about gender, it could lead to a very thoughtful and nuanced discussion of how ling wen views herself, rather than just if she looks like a cis woman shes a woman if she looks like a cis man shes a man. because iirc she only shapeshifted to get the extra power she had in her male form? that doesnt mean that she is now a man, but in those scenes the book automatically refers to her as such. would love an extra about ling wen's self image and gender. but no, we had to get the statue sex and weird underage amnesia stuff 🙄)

BUT ANYWAY like idk if it really counts as genderbending in tgcf's case? but either way i know mxtx made that ~gods and ghosts can change gender at will~ thing just as a haha comedic relief thing like i think them having the power to do that is totally cool but i do not think it was done respectfully at all, especially with sqx, since mxtx kind of either intentionally or not sends the message (at least to me) that you can only be trans if you pass as cis. ive said it a million times before and ill say it again but the way sqx is never referred to as a woman (by the characters, the narrative, and even THEMSELF) after they lose the ability to LOOK like a cis woman is so so infuriating to me. like theyre not going to just STOP being genderfluid/trans just bc they cant change their appearance. and also not to mention throughout the book they were just kinda treated as being silly and immature for wanting to change their gender in the first place, so, another win for transphobia i guess. though i can appreciate having a canon trans/genderfluid character, they definitely could have been written better in that regard

*while i love fem!he xuan... it did leave a kinda dirty taste in my mouth when mxtx had to make sure we knew that he xuan only did it to appease sqx, and actually hated being a woman. and the way it was talked about too like 'oh he was forced to be in a womans body so OF COURSE he was super pissed the entire time' like i cant explain it but it was just kind of upsetting. kinda transphobic and misogynist. one might even say,..... transmisogynist 🤔

this answer kinda ended up going on a tangent but yea lol thanks for the ask ^^

[hamliet]

What are your thoughts on homophobia in fantasy settings? As a queer person, I find it sort of crap when it's a huge thing in high fantasy settings (especially those written by cishet authors) for the sake of "realism" (even though there are dragons and stuff). However, recently I've been wondering if it can have its value, if the said fantasy setting is meant to have a terrible system, could this expand upon that idea? (1)

Furthermore, if a queer author explored this idea, could it potentially be a way for them to write about similar experiences to their own, but with a different context? As a whole I would trust a queer author more with this concept (because they have experienced homophobia themselves, and know how to handle a controversial trope with tact), but what are your thoughts?

Hi! Soooo... as a cis woman who's only been interested in men thus far in my life, I am really not the best person to answer this--everything I say should be taken with a massive dose of salt! But I do think it's an important question you've brought up, and one people need to think about. So... I'll kind of work through my thoughts, and anyone should feel free to chime in.

I agree with pretty much all you say. "More realistic" is not a justification. Any triggering aspect, like all aspects of a story, should be framed well and matter for the story. If it's just homophobia everywhere because "that's realistic" then that's just gratuitous. That's not a good enough reason to include traumatic stuff. I'm by no means an advocate for softening traumatic material in stories, but I do think it damn well better have a purpose and be important for the story rather than just "because."

However, if it ties in thematically then that's an entirely different scenario wherein it may very well not be for every LGBTQ+ person ever, but it might meet some needs. For example I think the portrayals of homophobia in MDZS and SVSSS work for the stories, even though it isn't technically realistic because ancient China was not so much homophobic (in my understanding). It highlights the themes of the story, which are about defying society, and is relevant in that both stories were written in modern-day China, where aspects of modern day media are absolutely homophobic. It's also true that many society fictional worlds, even fantasy ones, are created to reflect our own in some ways... I'd just ask why that's a particular part that is reflected (again: it should matter and be dealt with, or else... just maybe don't).

I absolutely agree with you when you say "if a queer author explored this idea, could it potentially be a way for them to write about similar experiences to their own, but with a different context?" I think that's often the case. Writing is often a way to process identity struggles, including with sexuality and gender. I know for example that the showrunner of Netflix's She-Ra has said it was about processing their sexuality and gender.

I also agree with you that I'd trust a queer writer more with this kind of story. Although, because we live in a world where people sometimes suck and where we're constantly figuring things out (see the last paragraph), it's also true a writer may not even know why certain elements keep showing up in their work and then have an "oooooooooh" moment... also, I think it's worth keeping in mind writers may not be out or want to be out (especially if they live in highly homophobic societies). For example, MXTX has never said anything about her sexuality, and people should be cautious with making such assumptions.

This is where I'd say my personal opinion is that it would make sense that a reader would be wary of a writer who does not identify as such, but as long as a reader isn't hating on the writer or making assumptions, that's part of what comes with people being able to pick and choose what they want to read. Writers/creators should be able to give as much or as little information as they want, and readers will then pick and choose what they want, and that's how it works.

As I am writing this, I keep thinking of a recent-ish real-life event that showed how people making said assumptions about identity under the guise of justice can go terribly wrong. I'd suggest--with caution--looking up Isabel Fall, and what happened to her, though please be forewarned it is a heartbreaking and brutal story to read. Essentially a trans writer wrote a story exploring transphobia through a metaphor and as a way of coming to terms with her own identity; the outrage over her lack of provided information about her identity--even from other queer writers--led to her returning to the closet and saying that she never wants to come out nor wants to write again. A trans writer profiled her story (anonymously, as Isabel isn't her name and she has no interest in being public), so it was really respectfully written.

[chrisemrysfics]

What I always loved about Wangxian is that you can headcanon what you wish about their gender and orientation, and the ways their dynamic can go, because the very basis is the unconditional they give each other. However they present as, whoever they are, their values are what truly make them, and it is through these values they connect, bond, find this deep pull, and learn to make it healthy, all without conditions.

If someone shift the values, it can still be Wangxian, because the dynamic can mirror the canon one, and it is simply the values that changed. Not everyone might feel like its still Wangxian, but others will find something they enjoy from this.

So back to gender and orientation: I don’t know if MTXT did this purposefully or if its an unexpected result of the mix between their values, and their dynamics, but I find that, however you headcanon them, you can find canon reasons behind it.

Al “block” canon gives us is that we see their masculine bodies, so its in theory “not canon” to view them as trans men... unless you make believable that there is surgery, Xianxia-style.

Another “block” is that we seem them be physically intimate, implying that purely canonically, they are either sex-positive or sex-neutral. They also both have their kinks and shown with libido. However, libido is actually different than attraction, it isn’t because you can day-dream and dream and feel aroused by something, that you will enjoy the reality of it.

So at most, they are sex-neutral or sex-positive ace spectrum, have libido, and simply didn’t separate their libido from attraction, and so tested out their libido-desires and found it pleasant. In the same manner, while they’re rather strongly shown as romantic, they might also still be aro spectrum, and have such a deep, platonic bond, that they assume its romantic, especially if they do enjoy physical intimacy and emotional intimacy.

In term of gender, they are comfortable with who they are. Wei Wuxian has no issue making himself more feminine, because he knows it does not de-valuate who he is. Whether he is cis, trans, non binary, agender, etc, he’s comfortable with who he is, and the same way, Lan Wangji show no issue with it. He’s also shown to not mind “feminine roles”, for example, he is directly mirroring Jiang Yanli has a cook, and cooking for people they love. Wei Wuxian dreams show Lan Wangji in “roles” more often seen in the wife, and yet, it is Wei Wuxian who jokes that he is the wife/can get pregnant.

In addition, for all that Lan Wangji is seen topping, I would argue that Wei Wuxian is the dominant. He’s the one who riles Lan Wangji up, and directs everything, he’s the one speaking, deciding the scene he wants. He does seem to enjoy being in the vulnerable position, as if he has no control and its all given to Lan Wangji, but it makes him both dominant and submissive, the same way Lan Wangji end up both submissive and dominant.

In short: I view Wangxian as actually outside any gender or orientation.

Somehow, someway, the way they are written, the way their dynamic work, they can fit any gender and orientation you give them.

If MXTX meant to do this, or at least, to show them as not fitting the traditional hetero-norm, it worked, maybe more than MXTX might have hoped or realized, and if MXTX didn’t mean to, it means the basis of their dynamic and the dynamic themselves were so well written, that it transcends the “headcanon” of MXTX for her canon.

As for my person headcanons that just resonate with me the most:

I see Wei Wuxian as pan-romantic demi-sexual, with libido and sex-neutral. I also view him as either a man who doesn’t mind femininity in his masculinity, or he doesn’t really care about gender, and he likes his body, so he just goes with it, but also he goes with what he likes.

I see Lan Wangji has demi-romantic grey-sexual, with libido and sex-positive, and similarly to Wei Wuxian, he’s either a man who has no issue with anything seen as feminine, or isn’t really caring about gender and is simply comfortable in his own body.

To give a few words of how this formed for me: out of the two, Lan Wangji seems to be the one who is the first to seek the physical intimacy, which can mean he’s more sex-positive than Wei Wuxian, who seem to enjoy the idea of it (libido) but doesn’t actively seek it (sex-neutral).

Wei Wuxian as demi sexual is because he only truly show active attraction once he’s formed a deep bond with Lan Wangji, and has become aware of his own feelings (has stopped being in denial, I do also headcanon he wasn’t oblivious but rather in denial, which can end up making him half blind himself). Meanwhile, Lan Wangji as grey is because he pretty much went from “nope” to “yes” but for a single person. He could have worked as demi, however, personally I view demi as needing that bond (which he wouldn’t have at the start), while I view gray as more “rare but it happens” (without a bond first, the way allosexual can feel attracted physically very early on, sometimes right from meeting).

Lan Wangji being demi romantic is because he did need to let himself develop a bond toward Wei Wuxian (acceptance to his attraction), before he felt love. He was attracted, he felt drawn, but he fell in love once he allowed it to happen, and its through the bonds they formed. Potentially, grey-romantic can work, or homoromantic too, if we consider he might just not have met anyone he had felt drawn to. However, his reactions to his initial crush/attraction can imply he never felt like this before, and so, Wei Wuxian is the first to actually make him feel attracted, be it romantically, sexually, or both.

I’d say Wei Wuxian can be called bi romantic or pan romantic, it depends how you view the terms. As Wei Wuxian is not faced with someone he realizes is non-binary/agender/etc, we only see him show consideration for feminine people/women, and masculine people/men, he might only show attraction toward Lan Wangji, however, to me its both that he thinks his appreciation of a man’s beauty has nothing to do with attraction (which can also link with his demi sexuality!), and that he’s sort of “stuck” in hetero-normativity.

I’d say for Lan Wangji, what happened with his parents might have broken any “rainbow and sunshine” he had about the hetero norm around him, he knew het couples can be miserable, and in addition, the Lan actively separate men and women, and adding the roles, I’d say a result is that the Lan children and teen are not exposed to het couples, and rather can only ever be exposed to their own parents. So Lan Wangji only truly had his own parents example, and his non wedded Uncle.

On the other end, Wei Wuxian had het parents who loved each other (so an example of healthy hetero couples), the Jiang leaders (an unhealthy het couple), Jiang Yanli’s example (for him she deserved to be loved as she is), and speaking of Jiang Yanli, while it is purely familial, she did show him unconditional love. So Wei Wuxain actively had example of both healthy and unhealthy het couple, and has been shown unconditional love... which Lan Wangji didn’t get to have or see!

That’s why Wei Wuxian is actively comfortable following his own values and being himself: he understands het couples can work or not work out, and he understands from Jiang Yanli what it means to be loved without conditions. Meanwhile, Lan Wangji has been taught the values of self control and righteousness, yet he’s never had healthy couples presented to him, and anything mature was pretty much only meant to be dealt with if he got engaged and left for wedding night and after. If he never felt attracted, he potentially assumed he would never marry, or be politically married.

Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian had no rules that prevented him to explore, and its important because this explain why he flirts and yet we can see he doesn’t pursue: he understands he likes the idea of it, that he does enjoy feminine bodies (and potentially he does see men beauty), but he realized he doesn’t actively seek it. He realized he want to save himself up, including kissing, for the person he will actively want to share his life with. In short: he’s basing himself of his parents and the idea of unconditional love.

That’s why he only truly accept his own feelings in his second life: Lan Wangji didn’t know how to show he loved Wei Wuxian unconditionally (be it platonic with sex in it, or queerplatonic, or romantic), so Wei Wuxian didn’t realize Lan Wangji was someone he could find what his parents had and have it be unconditional. However, the moment Lan Wangji showed unconditional love, Wei Wuxian was thrown off guard, and started to notice how he felt all over again, and he realized “hey maybe its possible after all”.

Before, in his first life, he denied himself because he thought Lan Wangji hated him and/or disapproved of him, which mean Wei Wuxian thought the love was conditional. Because of Wei Wuxian self esteem issues, he didn’t see any blame, because Wei Wuxian himself viewed himself as not worthy of Lan Wangji unconditional love, thus he wasn’t surprised by not receiving it (or so he thought), but here is where we can see how important it is for him to be loved unconditionally: because he perceived he wouldn’t be loved unconditionally, he did not pursue Lan Wangji.

He had feelings for Lan Wangji, but be it subconsciously (oblivious) or somewhat consciously (in denial), he refused to sacrifice his own values behind a partner (unconditional love), because he did know he could be loved unconditionally (by a sister), however he also considered that he had lost his worth (or maybe even didn’t have any, and only Jiang Yanli could love him without condition as his sister, almost mother).

So its only when Lan Wangji showed love without condition, thus also implying he sees worth in Wei Wuxian, but never asking anything out of him, that Wei Wuxian subconscious finally allowed the consideration of Lan Wangji as a romantic partner.

Both of them, funnily enough, knew what they wanted: Lan Wangji realized he wanted Wei Wuxian, while Wei Wuxian knew he wanted a partner who would love with without conditions.

So Lan Wangji had to learn to express himself properly and show he would love without conditions (which is exactly the growth he had to go through!), and Wei Wuxian had to see and realize that Lan Wangji loved him and it was unconditional (which is what happened!).

And it is as I’ve said: it transcends the gender or orientation you assign, because at the core, its all about unconditional love, one character seeking to express themselves and learn to show its unconditional, and another character seeking to receive this and share this with someone capable of unconditional love.

In the end, they both are capable of unconditional love, and that’s why they are so in tune with their own values: regardless of their self esteem/worth, they actively see their own values and accept these unconditionally, and seek to apply them. Lan Wangji struggled a bit more with public opinion, which is due to growing in a space that assigned punishment and wrongs a lot more than the rest of the world they lived in, while Wei Wuxian struggled with how much he allowed, due to growing up being blamed for things he knew, deep down, he wasn’t the cause of.

Lan Wangji then had the pro side of knowing the punishment/wrong were “alright right to give”, while Wei Wuxian grew up knowing he only had his own moral compass to follow, since he would get punished unfairly. Thus, Lan Wangji had to break free of a “moral compass” that proved faulty eventually and for his own (that still kept what worked of the old one), while Wei Wuxian always followed his own.

This, again, played a part in Lan Wangji needed to learn to express and show his love as unconditional (because he needed to figure things out after he realized what he grew up with didn’t fit him anymore) and Wei Wuxian staying true  to his heart, including that he wanted a partner that offered unconditional love, while also thinking that he had no worth, or at least fewer worth that others (and so that anyone “more worthy than him” would “of course” not show him unconditional love).

I love Wangxian so all of this, because it shows both finding and following your own values, and unconditional love. They show there is no shame either behind waiting for the one you feel is the right one for you, but also that you can still want them to show unconditional love. And they also show, as a bonus, a healthy physical intimacy, which include being able to face your own desires without judging yourself, and the absolute trust between the partners.

And that’s all happening side by side with their growth as people, learning to communicate more clearly and honestly, forgiving themselves while also knowing where you actively hurt others (did “wrong”) and where people put on your false blame (Wei Wuxian says it, he’ll accept his own faults, but he doesn’t allow others to blame him for what he didn’t do), learning and knowing their own values, and following these.

That’s why, regardless of what they did, MXTX has called them good people: everyone can make mistakes, however, it is how you deal with them that is the truthful indicator.

They both are able to recognize where they are truly at fault, and where there false blame, and when they perceived they are at fault, they seek to correct these (apologize, seek punishment or accept punishment, which is acceptable in their system, do what is needed to correct it). Meanwhile, if they see injustice, they seek to correct that, and the issues they face is because of the lack of fairness and objective thinking from others, for example black and white mentality is based on not being able to be objective, as you need to be objective to deal with the “grey” areas (its also a matter of an extremely judgmental system that will view as not even human and worthy of anything, anyone who they consider “wrong”).

Their values, their hearts, are in the place of fairness, justice, the “good” place, and its because of the outside system that they face issues, both due to how the environment raised them, and the ways people reacted to them as they try to be true to their own values and hearts.

And that’s why, when they find each other, they feel so drawn to each other: they recognize, subconsciously, that they match. Its only once they learned to go past the issues caused by how they grew up, and go past any worry about the system around them, that they realized how the other felt, and allowed themselves to become a couple, and stand together in the values they share.

And the most beautiful factor, what really make me so happy with this story, is that they have a happy ending.

Its so easy, too easy, to see fictions end up harming or “punishing” or de-valuating people who are trying to be true to themselves, or pushing an agenda on what is “right” or “wrong”. Its too easy to find bittersweet and bad ending, or that happy ending are so often hetero-normative or are, sure, great to see if you like the people involved, but rarely show an happy ending for actual unconditional love.

But here, we have a couple that transcend the hetero-normative speech, who faced mob mentality and extremely judgemental people, who faced the scars of their childhood, who found each other, recognized their equal, and who were able to know their own values, and follow their heart, while learning from their mistakes, and being capable of seeing their own faults, and who found unconditional love together, also showing it to a child that is considered their own in their heart, and they have their happy ending, where they promise each other for life (and beyond), and live the way they truthfully want.

This story packs so many things that feels so important, so is it any surprise how much we can love it?

Its just sad when we forget or don’t see all the reasons its such a lovely story, but I’m glad for every single person who find MDZS because, subconsciously or consciously, it says so many things that need to be seen and heard in our own real life, that anyone who touch MDZS will seen things that will speak to them, whether they realize it or not.