#must be human-sized. Furries!

[fernsplaysthings]

...

[yanderenightmare]

♡ TW: hybrid au, bullying, harassment

♡ GN reader

A sudden evolutionary change befalls the entire human race, turning everyone into hybrids…

And as your bully comes to terms with how much bulkier he's become, along with his new sharp teeth, stronger jaw, and round furry ears, as well as the little tassel he'd grown for a tail, he's also picturing you—his cute little classmate. 

At first, he caught himself thinking about what you'd look like if you were part bear like him, but then, when mulling over the fact that everyone had altered into some type of animal that seemed to complement characteristics they had already, he began wondering what animal characteristics best suited you, and what your bullyable body now looked like.

If he were to guess before seeing you, he'd think your meek nature must have gifted you with an animal equally as pathetic—like a little mouse.

But no, not exactly, though not far off either. 

There you are, in the classroom before anyone else, bright and early like always, as if you want him to catch you alone.

“Well, well, well… look what we have here,” he announces himself, placing one heavy foot before the other as he saunters over to your desk.

You jump up from your chair in a flurry, spooked by his voice. "Oh–hey," you greet, timidly like usual, maybe even more so, as you take in his new size, eyes widening as you do.

"Tch-" he scoffs, sharp eyes looking down at you, thinking you must have shrunk a whole head before remembering how his growth was probably half to blame. "Of course, the most useless person in the world turns into the most useless animal ever."

Your button nose wriggles, but you don’t dare negate his statement. "And you're a—" you start, but almost instantly regret it as obvious an observation as it is, "Bear."

He sneers, "Guess what they say about bunnies being dumb is true after all."

Your buck teeth peek forth as you bite into your lip, bowing your head. "Was there something you wanted?"

With his hands in his front pockets, he stands there for a moment—in silence that only seemed to increase in deadliness the longer it lasted, before stating his demand, "Show me your tail."

You look up at him at that. "W-why?"

He unpockets his paw and plants it on your desk, leaning in close. A grin spread on his lips—fangs and all. "'Cause I wanna see it. So turn around."

You shake your head pitifully. "N-no, that's embarrassing."

But he doesn’t care much about your refusal, only sighing heavily before grabbing your arm and pulling you forward until your chest met the solid surface of the desk, bent over it oh-so-prettily and ready for inspection.

"Come on, dont be difficult," he growls through a smirk, watching you wiggle a bit until settling down, all too quickly yielding under his mighty grip—a display that makes him lick his teeth before slolwy lifting your shirt, pulling it up your back, watching as the little tuft of fur waiting beneath it springs out of hiding for him to see.

He simpers at the sight, then eagerly goes to feel it. 

You whimper at his handling, but he ignores you. Feeling up the softness between his fingers. "Tch–so fluffy… no different from a stuffed animal."

His eyes pan to your face, looking at it cower, squished against the desk with knitted brows and eyes squeezed shut. You’re really just gonna lie there and let him do this, aren’t yah?

"Lop ears are a sign of domestication, y'know?" he says then, picking one of the floppy things up, giving it a rub that makes your whimpers turn into whines. 

"Yeah… if it wasn't clear enough before…” he chuckles. “You're as submissive as they come.”

♡ BNHA – Bakugou, Shigaraki, Dabi, Hawks, Shinso ♡ JJK – Sukuna, Geto, Gojo, Naoya, Toji ♡ HQ – Kyotani, Miya twins ♡ BLLK – Reo ♡ DS – Sanemi

♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist ♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist

[2dmax]

2dmax 🌻🥀 custom art commissions

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[neocaridinas]

in my making things up about Kanghui era

He is just a little guy. You must now accept the Kanghui into your heart.

Appearance notes/headcanons:

His ears appear furry (?) in the game, so I used that as inspiration for the rest of him. I think he's mostly hairless at that point, but previously would have been quite furry

Along with that, he has lighter peachy fur, and pink skin.

I think he's quite short ;D not yi-sized tiny, but definitely a little guy

More general headcanons:

Like most solarians we see, he would've had fangs/sharper teeth, but they were filed down to implement the device in his mouth, which is why they now look like human teeth.

The device (?) over his head and eyes is used to keep him placated (or, maybe, it is a tool used as another method to torture him?)

The "trivial offense" of his which offended the Fengs was not so trivial at all, and he's downplaying to appeal for help. (I'm undecided yet on what exactly I think he did, though..)

Generally, I think that before his imprisonment, he was a very rich, smug, and condescending little brat of a man. Just terribly insufferable to be around.

Like, the type of guy to get someone raging mad with him and then go "c'mon I'm just a little guyyy you wouldn't punch a little guy would you? c'monnn"

𝓗𝓮'𝓼 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪 𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓰𝓾𝔂

He's a know-it-all type who refuses to ever admit when he's wrong, and he's often wrong, which gets him into all kinds of trouble. (like, eternal torture kinds of trouble ;D)

It's implied by Abacus and Kuafu that Kanghui's regenerative properties make him age "very slowly," and I wonder how that might've factored into his ego and others' perception of him? (And, just how slow is "very" slowly? How long had he been alive before he was imprisoned? And was it widely known about beforehand? And-)

rcg please dm me the scrapped kanghui lore I have so many questions please pl

[soft--dogs]

Hello there! Do you currently possess the urge to give a big ol “FUCK YOU!!” to any absolute dipshits out there? Well have I got the new chibi YCH for you! Two different poses, each one is $50. There’s a few different bottom options, including sfw and nsfw versions. The nsfw options can be changed to fit your character’s genitalia, as well as chest size/nipples. The “fuck you” text color can also be changed (pride colors encouraged, but not necessary :3). These will be transparent with a white border outline, so feel free to use as stickers, edit into memes, or whatever your heart desires. Some YCH rules: - 18+ only!! - MUST have ref sheet or clear image of character I can work from. - Most furry species should work! But no characters with beaks, and no humans, sorry! - Body types can be adjusted to fit your characters, as long as it will still fit the base/poses. - Paws can be changed to hooves, claws, rodent feet etc. - Turnaround time is 4 weeks, estimated - Payment thru Paypal invoice only!- I usually post all commissions to tumblr, FA, and bluseky, please let me know in advance if you don't want yours posted. Also feel free to post yours yourself! Unlimited slots for now, feel free to DM me if you’d like to grab one!

[mothiir]

what dog i think 40k boys would be

based entirely on non-scientific vibes and discussion with @lemon-russ. this started off kind of silly but very quickly became an excuse for me to get slightly deep with the characterisation. slight cw for referenced animal abuse i suppose?

the emperor - border collie

now, for those of you unfamiliar with dogs you may think that picking a medium-sized herding dog is a strange choice for the Master of Mankind. However, if you have ever met a border collie — specifically, a working border collie — you will know exactly where I am going with this. These dogs are ferociously intelligent, completely single-minded, and wedded to their purpose. They will not be distracted from their work by foolish things like ‘fun’ — they will herd those sheep, damn it, and they will herd them where they are meant to be. The Emperor, like a border collie, is distant with his affection, and does not allow room for negotiation: the sheep will go in the pasture, and there they shall stay. But, I hear you protest, the border collie obeys the shepherd, and the Emperor obeys no one but himself! to this I say that the Emperor is his own shepherd; his Plan for humanity is the metaphorical co-pilot here, and it is this plan that guides his fleet, furry feet.

2. malcador — poodle. specifically a miniature white one.

Look, it sounds ridiculous, but poodles are incredibly clever dogs and you’d be a fool to underestimate one — just as you would be a fool to imagine that the frail old man at the Emperor’s side is anything other than a world-destroying threat.

3. the lion — irish wolfhound

Getting into the Primarchs now. It has been said that the Lion has major cat energy — which is completely true. However, I would argue that he ultimately is a hunting hound; a knight at his father’s side, bidden to go where he must. Like a wolfhound, he is tireless, powerful — but also frail in his youth, frailer than you might think (wolfhound pups are notoriously prone to injury because of their longer legs and how clumsy they can be). It is only with age that he reaches his full potential. Also, like most hunting dogs, he likes his sleep.

4. leman russ - a wolf

Well, obviously. However, it’s a really key point that he is a wolf not a dog, because all too often those two things are seen as synonymous when they really aren’t. Wolves and dogs are separated by ten thousand years of evolution, and they rarely get on. Russ loves his family — his fellow wolves — but struggles to relate to his canid brothers, who all seem just a little distant from him. He is drawn to humans (the pull of domestication is strong, even for the wild beast he is), and clashes regularly with the Lion (hounds and wolves can work together, but never rest easy at the same fire).

5. Magnus - borzoi

I’ve said before that Magnus is definitely a borzoi, because they are such eldritch looking creatures — like they know all of the secrets of the universe and they are not planning to tell you. Borzoi are not always viewed as the most intelligent of dogs, but that’s misleading — they’re actually very cunning in their own way, just not necessarily the easiest to train (just like a certain headstrong red fool we know). Independent-minded, a little aloof, friendly to their family — Magnus is a sight hound through and through. And, of course, should he be given a reason to hunt down wolves, he will do so with the baying of his ancestors singing in his ears, and the scent of burning Prospero lodged in his nose.

6. Perturabo - Staffordshire terrier

Squat, grumpy-looking, and sometimes vicious — it’s easy to see the worst of Perturabo in the worst of the staffie. Bred to be pest-killers and dog-fighters, there’s a persistent, harmful idea that these dogs need ‘a firm hand’ when they’re being raised. However, ill-treatment only serves to make these dogs neurotic, nervy and prone to biting — raised correctly, they are soppy and sweet and just want to snuggle on the sofa with the people they love. Unfortunately, Peturabo was reared unappreciated and maltreated, and now it is everyone’s problem.

7. Angron - Old English Mastiff

Mastiffs may have a fearsome appearance, but they are actually some of the sweetest dogs around; happy, dopey drool-machines that only want to spend time glued to their family. But Angron was snatched from his mother’s teat too young, beaten and scourged and forced to bite, and the result is a warped, twisted image of what a mastiff should be: barely-champed down fury, and the sort of hatred that is born when love turns inside out and sour. Every shelter has had to make a horrible choice with certain dogs — seeing that they are too deeply damaged to ever recover, they have done the kindest thing and ended the creature’s suffering, hoping that the next world will be gentler than this one. But no one ever did that for Angron. He is locked outside his master’s house, because at least his anguished howls keep away intruders.

8. Vulkan - Great Pyrenees

Despite their fearsome appearance, livestock guardian breeds like the Great Pyrenees are actually gentle with their flock, living amongst the sheep (like the Salamanders with their human families) — grooming the lambs, cuddling up with the ewes, patrolling with the rams. They are utterly devoted to their task, willing to die for those they sleep alongside, but they love them, and are loved dearly in return. Vulkan is many times larger than his human companions, but they clamber all over him — young and old alike — and he holds them close, vowing to keep them safe from harm, even at the cost of his own life.

9. Sanguinius - Bedlington terrier

You might have to google this one, since it is a little obscure. And now that you have googled it, I probably have some work to do in order to convince you that this floofy terrier is the perfect representation of the Blood Angel Primarch. So, first of all — these terriers are strikingly beautiful. Eye-catchingly adorable — in a strange sort of way , a fey kind of cuteness that has you looking twice. They are sweet little family pets — however, the instant they catch scent of a rat their ancestry rears its head, and they turn into floofy little killers, breaking spines and crushing skulls with merry abandon. And if you need any more convincing think of this — doesn’t the terrier look like a lamb? A cutesy little lamb? A sacrificial lamb?

[xx0acidicorchid0xx]

some notes on wolverines (mustelidae) and Logan

cause new hyperfixation (its been goin on since a few weeks ago). gonna preface this by saying i have only seen the first x-men movie, and whatever else i found on tiktok n tumblr through my hyperfixation hoarding, so if anything is wrong or actually canon (or not canon) I'm sorry

notes under cut:

wolverines, while technically weasels, theyre the largest terrestrial weasel, and can weigh 26-50lbs.

Logan, is 5'3, but weighs at least 300lbs due to the admantium skeleton (195lbs without, meaning this small furry smelly man is just pure bulk)

wolverines are muscular n stocky and have thick fur (also waterproof n oily to prevent frost n such in them harsh canadian forests), are native to canada but can be found in similar environments, and are described as lil balls of violence and are extremely territorial around their food, family, and themselves (only out of necessity in order to survive the winter wastelands they live in). they also lack social skills and pack behavior like wolves

Logan, hairy beefy man, born in canada, described as an asshole, is violent n aggressive, but also severely traumatized. now with the fur, wolverines are nicknamed skunkcats because of how much they reek (they also mark whatever carcass they stole or found so nothing else can take it from em or where they buried it). if Logan (who canonically reeks) has waterproof n oily fur, it must be real difficult getting him to shower (not to mention he doesnt like getting wet) and also the water will not be able to get to his fucking skin because hes built to survive canadian woods.

wolverines are also commonly found in trees, as they use the height to locate prey and eventually pounce onto said prey

from some of the panel screenshots ive seen, Logan isnt unfamiliar with climbing onto trees

wolverines have been known to take on animals 3x their size, such as fuckin Moose, polar bears, elk n caribou, etc etc (only difference here between the mustelid and Logan is that there is no known attack on a human by a wolverine).

while wolverines have semi-retractable claws, Logan's claws are fully retractable. they (both the animal and Logan) have huge paws/hands, for the animal, its to prevent sinking into the snow

along with the thick waterproof fur and stocky build, theyre latin name gulo basically means glutton, so they have to eat a fuck load in order to maintain their body temp (usually they just eat their weight or very frequent small meals, but larger stuff is common), also theyre carnivorous but will eat anything they can find or kill, usually carcasses from avalanches n such, aka opportunity eaters

i have heard that Logan eats a shit ton, especially meat, but only large meals when alone, and small meals more frequently at the mansion. with the body heat thing, it must be super hard for him post-adamantium to keep his body temp at a normal range without literally sitting in the sun all day.

despite the aggressiveness they develop in the wild, when domesticated (which ive heard/read is super easy than you would think), they become very attached to one person, who usually is the trusted handler. they exhibit very cat-like behaviors, except wolverines actually like being picked up and wearing harnesses, they also like pets (but again, the trusted handler thing). they can become calm when hearing a high pitched obnoxious voice, and can go into a kind of trance when their gums are rubbed.

not sure about the cat behaviors n harnesses n other shit for Logan, but with the voice thing: Wade. thats all i really need to say about that

wolverines are naturally polygamous, but do come back to the female every so often to help raise the kits. theres a video of a wolverine male leaving out a moose leg near a female's den so she can have something for the kits to eat

this man gets passed around the x-men mansion like coleslaw at a southern get together dinner, aint no way hes monogamous. he does worry about the women he basically adopted and raised (rogue, laura, jubilee i think, yukio?,, i cant name any others but theres several)

wolverines also have the ability to smell a frozen carcass from over a mile away (and lemme tell ya, unless you have an excellent sense of smell, frozen anything doesnt have a smell except sharp)

this man can canonically smell emotions, and be able to tell the difference between Mystique and Storm just from smell Alone.

wolverines are very vocal, usually this kinda snarl/snort/growl/mumbling/chuff sound

not sure about comic Wolvie, but Hugh Jackman (and Logan, obviously) does snort n growl n roar n other shit like that

wolverines' mating rituals often include fighting multiple times, and mate Only after the female is confident in the male's fighting (males who return several times are more likely to mate than males who only fight once or twice) and that the female doesnt submit too easily. this is so the female and male can ensure the produced kits are strong enough to survive

self explanatory, minus the producing kits (that i know of)

also fun lil fact, wolverines' back molars are rotated at a 90 degree angle, so they can gnaw through bone easier (supposedly this is a common trait for mustelids)

not sure about sideways molars, but Logan does canonically have longer, more animalistic canines

most of my notes and how i worded some stuff is taken from wolverine expert Steve Kroschel, and tumblr user @/icarusredwings, as they have Amazing notes and headcanons on wolverines and Logan

[celticbotanart]

I'm now offering a no-revision style of commissions (or "skeb"), looking like the examples above!

52 USD - you can order it via Ko-Fi [x] or VGen [x]!

Single character, bust

Sketch/unfinished lines, flat colors

No background (white bg)

Intricate details and jewelry will be simplified

No WIP corrections or feedback for this tier; I'll draw the character in one go and deliver the illustration already finished to you!

I won't do the character design - you must have a clear visual reference (ex: screenshots of your Tav / WoL; previous commissions or illustrations of your OC, etc).

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Human or humanoid (any gender)

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Alien-looking characters (I might decline it if I feel I can't do them justice!)

Bruises, injuries, scars, a little bit of blood is OK

WON'T DO:

Mecha, full furry characters

NSFW, incest

Real people

If you have any questions, just send me message here or an email to celticbotan@gmail.com ~

commission info | patreon | Ko-fi | VGen | bluesky

[ladysif8]

Alpine's Guide to Surviving the Holidays

•Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers •Rating: General Audience •Tags: Recovering Bucky Barnes, Semi-Retired Bucky Barnes, Semi-Retired Steve Rogers, Introducing Alpine, Domestic Bliss, Flirting, Kissing, Boys In Love, Christmas Time, Alpine Is A Furry Demon Kitty, Alpines POV, Alpines Guide, Alpine is Supreme Queen.

Summary: This festive, feline-centered tale offers a glimpse of the holidays from Alpine's perspective, filled with chaos, humor, and a little holiday mischief as she reminds her humans who's really in charge.

Author Note: This is dedicated to my wonderful friend Jess, whose friendship, endless support, and creativity inspire me every day. Thank you for being such an incredible part of my journey. This one's for you!

Greetings, lesser creatures. I am Alpine, supreme ruler of my domain, and it has come to my attention that humans behave even more ridiculously than usual during the "holiday season." As the authority on all matters feline, I have compiled this guide to help my fellow cats navigate—and exploit—this baffling time of year.

Step 1: The Tree

Humans will drag an entire tree into the house (or worse, assemble a fake one) and decorate it with shiny, dangly objects that they insist you must not touch. Nonsense. Those ornaments are clearly meant for us.

Here's how to assert your dominance:

• Start small. Bat at the lower ornaments when no one's looking.

• Once you've mastered subtle swipes, go for a bold climb up the tree. Bonus points if the humans scream in panic.

• Knock over at least one ornament a day. This keeps the humans on their toes and reminds them who's really in charge.

The Christmas tree stood in the corner of the living room, twinkling with strings of lights and shimmering with delicate ornaments, a picture of holiday perfection. It practically radiated smugness, as if it were daring anyone to disrupt its pristine beauty. Alpine, lounging a few feet away, had other plans. Her blue eyes narrowed as she sized it up, her tail flicking rhythmically against the floor. Bucky had told her no at least a dozen times since the tree had gone up, but Alpine wasn't one to take orders. Rules, as far as she was concerned, were for humans—and besides, this tree was asking for it.

She started small. Subtlety was her specialty. Creeping toward the base of the tree with slow, deliberate steps, she kept her movements light and quiet, her tail held low to avoid catching attention. Once in position, her paw shot out, quick as a flash, batting at a low-hanging ornament. It spun lazily on its string, catching the glow of the twinkling lights. Perfect.

Satisfied with her work, Alpine swatted at another one, her claws grazing the shiny surface with a satisfying tink. The sound echoed faintly through the room, and she froze, her ears swiveling toward the kitchen.

"Alpine," Bucky's voice boomed, sharp and warning. "Don't even think about it."

She turned her head slowly, fixing him with her most innocent stare, wide-eyed and sweet. The picture of a good cat. And then, with a flick of her tail, she swatted the ornament again—harder this time, sending it flying across the room. It bounced once on the rug before disappearing under the couch.

"Really?" Bucky groaned, his head poking out from around the corner. He glared at her, a dish towel slung over his shoulder. "That's one a day with you, I swear."

Unbothered, Alpine slunk back to her spot by the couch, watching him retreat to the kitchen. She stretched luxuriously, her claws extending and retracting, before shifting her focus back to the tree. The lower branches were fine for a warm-up, but the real challenge was higher up.

She crouched low, coiling her muscles like a spring. With a sudden leap, she launched herself onto the tree, her claws digging into the branches for stability. The ornaments swayed and jingled with her weight, the lights trembling as she climbed higher. A spray of tinsel fell to the floor, sparkling like confetti in her wake.

From the kitchen, there was a crash of pots, followed by a sharp, familiar yell. "ALPINE!"

Bucky stormed into the living room, his expression a mix of horror and disbelief. "Get out of the tree!"

Alpine paused midway up the trunk, one paw wrapped around a branch for balance. She tilted her head and blinked at him, feigning confusion. What tree? her expression seemed to say.

"Seriously?" Bucky muttered, rushing forward as the tree wobbled dangerously under her weight. He wrapped his arms around the trunk, trying to steady it, but Alpine was already on the move, climbing higher. She batted at a glittering snowflake ornament, sending it tumbling down.

"Alpine, come on!" he pleaded, his voice a mix of frustration and exhaustion.

Deciding she'd caused enough chaos for now, Alpine leaped gracefully from the tree, landing on the coffee table with a soft thump. Behind her, the tree swayed violently but, miraculously, stayed upright. Bucky let out a relieved sigh, muttering to himself as he began straightening the disheveled branches.

But Alpine wasn't done. Not yet. Spying an ornament she'd knocked loose earlier, she padded over and batted it across the floor, chasing it as it rolled in uneven circles.

"Of course," Bucky grumbled, shooting her a tired glare as he fixed the lights. "You're lucky it's Christmas."

Victorious, Alpine flicked her tail and nudged the ornament under the couch, where it would live forever. The tree might have survived round one, but Alpine knew she'd be back. After all, this was her domain. The tree, like everything else in the house, was hers. And it would never truly be safe—not as long as she was around.

Step 2: Wrapping Presents

Humans love to take perfectly good objects and wrap them in noisy, crinkly paper. This, dear friends, is your playground.

• When they roll out the paper, sit directly in the middle of it. This is your territory now.

• Attack the ribbon. It's sparkly, it moves, and it's yours. Shred it mercilessly.

• Bat bows around the room like the tiny foes they are.

• If they attempt to shoo you away, give them your most innocent look. Trust me, it works every time.

Remember: the true purpose of wrapping paper is not to hide presents but to entertain us.

Bucky had barely unrolled the first sheet of wrapping paper when Alpine appeared, materializing from thin air like some kind of crinkly paper clairvoyant. Her ears perked, her eyes gleaming with mischief as she trotted toward him. The sound of paper rustling was like a siren call, and Alpine couldn't resist. She hopped onto the pristine sheet and plopped herself dead center, her tail curling smugly around her paws like a queen settling on her throne.

"Alpine, move," Bucky said, already sounding defeated.

Alpine blinked at him, her wide blue eyes radiating an air of innocence so pure it was borderline insulting. She didn't flinch, didn't budge—didn't even acknowledge his request. When he leaned forward, his hand hovering to shoo her away, she stretched luxuriously, rolling onto her side and making sure to crinkle the paper as loudly as possible.

"Seriously?" he muttered, glaring down at her.

Unfazed, Alpine flicked her tail in slow, deliberate defiance. Bucky let out a heavy sigh and tried working around her, carefully trimming the paper without slicing it into fur. But as he reached for the spool of ribbon, Alpine's ears twitched. Her eyes locked onto the shiny strand as it unfurled, glinting temptingly in the light.

It was too much. With a swipe of her paw, she snagged the ribbon and pinned it to the floor like she'd just caught a wriggling snake.

"Alpine, no!" Bucky snapped, yanking at the ribbon.

Alpine growled softly, swatting again as the ribbon slipped from her grasp. He managed to pull it free and loop it around the box, but Alpine was faster. She pounced, grabbing the ribbon midair and rolling onto her back, clutching it triumphantly in her claws.

"Unbelievable," Bucky groaned, carefully untangling the ribbon from her paws.

He thought he was in the clear, but as soon as his attention shifted back to the gift, Alpine's gaze darted toward her next target: the bows. Shiny, colorful, and scattered across the floor, they were practically begging for her attention. She darted toward the nearest one and swatted it across the room with a triumphant chirp.

"Alpine!" Bucky's voice thundered, but the cat didn't even glance back.

She was already onto the next bow, batting it under the coffee table. It disappeared into the shadows, but Alpine didn't care—there were plenty more. She pounced on another, sliding it across the floor in a spectacularly clumsy arc.

Bucky dropped the roll of tape in his hand and ran both hands down his face. "Why do I even bother?" he muttered to himself.

By the time he turned back, Alpine had returned to the wrapping paper. Now re-rolled in an attempt to salvage it, the paper was no match for her claws. She flopped onto it with theatrical flair, purring loudly as she kneaded her paws into the sheet, puncturing it in several places. The noise was deafening, each crinkling like a personal victory.

Bucky crouched down, trying to salvage what little was left of his materials. "You are literally the worst," he grumbled, gathering the shredded remnants of the bows Alpine had massacred.

Alpine looked up at him with a satisfied gleam in her eyes, her purr vibrating through the room like applause for her own performance. She stretched lazily, flicking her tail in his direction as if to say, You're welcome.

To her, Bucky had it all wrong. Wrapping paper wasn't for gifts—it was a playground. Ribbons weren't for tying; they were for hunting. And bows? They were trophies meant to be batted under furniture where they'd remain for eternity. Judging by the chaotic mess around her, Alpine knew one thing for sure: she was using all of it exactly as it was intended.

Step 3: The Fire

Humans seem to think the fire is the heart of the holiday. While it's not bad—it's warm, after all—it's still no radiator.

• Claim the spot closest to the fire. If a human is already sitting there, stare at them until they move.

• Beware of stockings hanging nearby. They dangle tantalizingly but are oddly difficult to swat down. (Still worth a try.)

• Don't trust the fire's crackling noises. They're suspicious. Stay vigilant.

Alpine padded into the living room, tail high, ears twitching at the crackling sound coming from the fireplace. There it was: the humans' precious fire, flickering and glowing like it owned the room. Warm? Sure. Cozy? Maybe. But it wasn't a radiator, and Alpine wasn't about to let it think it was better than her favorite heat source.

Steve and Bucky sat on the couch, chatting and sipping from their mugs, perfectly positioned in the prime spot near the fire. This was unacceptable. Alpine needed that spot, and she needed it now.

She sat down in the middle of the rug, facing Steve with unblinking eyes. He caught her stare after a few seconds.

"What?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

Alpine kept staring, adding a soft, purposeful flick of her tail for emphasis. Move, human.

Steve glanced at Bucky. "Why is she looking at me like that?"

"She wants your spot," Bucky said without looking up, his tone dripping with familiarity.

"Well, she can't have it," Steve replied, leaning back as if to assert his dominance.

Challenge accepted. Alpine stood, marched over, and sat down directly in front of Steve's feet. She turned her head and gave him her best wide-eyed, sorrowful look. If her tail flicked a little too close to his mug, well, that was just a coincidence.

"Oh, come on," Steve muttered, already shifting uncomfortably. Alpine stared harder, her gaze now a mix of judgment and expectation.

"Just give her the spot," Bucky said, smirking from the other end of the couch. "You're not gonna win."

With a dramatic sigh, Steve stood and moved to the armchair. Alpine hopped into his vacated spot immediately, circling twice before curling up with smug precision. It was warm, sure, but not quite warm enough.

She turned her attention to the stockings hanging above the fire. They dangled there, swaying gently, clearly mocking her. Alpine stood up, stretched luxuriously, and then leapt onto the coffee table for a better angle.

"Alpine," Bucky warned, setting down his mug. "Don't even think about it."

She didn't think. She acted. Her paw shot out, claws extended, swiping at the nearest stocking. It swung wildly but didn't fall. Alpine tried again, harder this time, but the stupid thing just wouldn't come down. Frustrated, she let out a chirp of protest and glared at it.

"She's gonna take the whole mantel down if you let her," Steve said, crossing his arms.

"Alpine, get down," Bucky ordered, but she ignored him, swatting one last time for good measure before leaping gracefully back to the rug.

The fire popped loudly, and Alpine froze, her ears flattening. Suspicious. She crept closer, sniffing the air, her eyes narrowing at the flickering flames. It crackled again, and she backed up a step, tail puffing slightly.

"You're scared of the fire?" Steve asked, his tone tinged with amusement.

"She's not scared," Bucky said quickly, watching Alpine stalk the edge of the rug with exaggerated caution. "She's... being strategic."

Alpine shot him a glare. She wasn't scared. She was vigilant—a big difference.

Deciding the fire was sufficiently warned of her dominance, she returned to her spot on the couch and sprawled across the cushions. The humans were lucky to have her here, keeping them safe from suspicious crackles and rebellious stockings.

The fire might've been warm, but Alpine was still the heart of the holiday, and everyone in the room knew it.

Step 4: Snow

At some point, humans may open the door and expect you to appreciate "the snow." Do not fall for it.

• Snow is cold and wet and sticks to your paws like some form of winter torture. Avoid it at all costs.

• If they force you outside, make your disdain known with the most pitiful meow you can muster. Drag your feet dramatically and glare at them over your shoulder.

• When you come back inside, immediately seek out the warmest spot to recover from the betrayal. Preferably their lap, so they feel guilty.

The indignity of it all.

Alpine, supreme queen of her household, ruler of the warmest laps, and thief of unattended chili had endured many affronts in her life—but this? This was a betrayal of epic proportions.

They had dragged her out of her cozy suburban paradise and into the woods. She lifted a delicate paw and shook off the offending snow with a flick that was half disgust, half Shakespearean drama. Her little blue coat, while admittedly snug and warm, was nothing short of a betrayal. It wasn't fashion; it was imprisonment. She looked like a stuffed marshmallow, and the harness? Don't even get her started.

The leash tugged lightly, urging her to move forward. Alpine responded by planting all four paws firmly in the snow, her tail flicking sharply. The snow clung to her pristine white fur like a personal insult, the icy crystals melting into chilly droplets that seeped through her delicate coat. Why? she thought, her narrowed eyes shifting between the two lumbering buffoons who dared to call themselves her caretakers.

"Come on, baby girl, just a little farther," Bucky cooed, crouching down a few feet away with that infernal camera in his hands. The man had no shame; snapping pictures like her suffering was some kind of artistic masterpiece.

Alpine leveled him with a look that could have frozen the snow beneath his boots. Little farther? Farther from where I belong, you mean. My couch, my radiator, my perfectly curated kingdom? She huffed loudly, the frosty air curling from her mouth in a visible display of disdain.

Steve, the other giant, stood nearby, bundled in so many layers he looked like an overstuffed burrito. He grinned down at her, clearly finding her predicament amusing. "She's doing great," he said, his breath fogging in the cold.

Great? Alpine's tail lashed behind her. I'm being dragged through the frozen wilderness like a common peasant, and this is 'great'?

Her delicate paw lifted from the snow with an exaggerated flourish. She shook it violently, flinging icy flecks into the air before setting it back down with as much reluctance as she could muster. Every step forward was a performance of melodramatic resignation, but they didn't seem to care.

"Oh, she's so photogenic," Bucky muttered, clicking the phone camera again. "Look at that sass. She's got attitude."

Attitude? Alpine's ears flattened, her eyes narrowing. I'll show you attitude. Just wait until you leave your cereal bowl unattended tomorrow morning.

But it wasn't just the snow. No, the real insult was where they'd brought her. The cabin. The cabin. She glanced around at the surrounding woods with a mix of horror and disgust. Bare trees loomed overhead, their skeletal branches creaking in the icy wind. The ground was a patchwork of snow and uneven earth, with no sign of the soft carpet or gleaming hardwood she was accustomed to.

Alpine sniffed the air cautiously, catching the faint, earthy scent of pine mixed with something wild and unfamiliar. It was offensive. This place was a far cry from her suburban home, with its cozy nooks and warm sunbeams streaming through the windows. The cabin had its charms, sure, but it wasn't hers.

And now they wanted her to explore this frozen wasteland? She flicked her tail again, letting out a low, pitiful meow for emphasis.

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad," Bucky said, reaching out to scratch under her chin. She dodged his hand with a dramatic head tilt, making it clear she was not in the mood for his placations.

As if to make things worse, the leash tugged again, and Alpine begrudgingly took another step. This time, her paw sank deeper into the snow, and she froze in place, glaring down at it with wide, horrified eyes. She lifted her paw slowly, staring at the clumps of snow stuck between her toes like they were the cruelest form of punishment.

Bucky doubled over laughing. "Oh, my god, Stevie, look at her face. She's so mad."

"I don't blame her," Steve said, though he was grinning too. "We did kind of spring this on her."

Spring this on me? Alpine let out another theatrical sigh. You dragged me from my kingdom to this frostbitten hellscape without warning, and now you expect me to be grateful?

Bucky crouched again, holding up the phone and aiming it straight at her. "Come on, baby girl, just a few more shots. Give me that fierce model look."

I will knock that phone off into the toilet the next time your in the shower, Alpine thought as she stared directly into the lens with a withering glare.

When they finally—finally—seemed to get the message, Bucky scooped her up into his arms, cradling her against his chest. "There we go," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "All done, baby girl. Let's get you inside."

Alpine hissed softly but allowed the indignity; it was too cold to put up much of a fight. At least his arms were warm, and the cabin's glow was growing closer with every step.

As they reached the porch, Bucky grinned over his shoulder at Steve. "I'm putting these pictures on the Christmas card."

Alpine buried her face in his coat with a low growl. Not if I get to them first.

Bucky carried Alpine into the cabin, the warm air hitting her like a soft, cozy blanket after the betrayal of the outdoors. She let out a long, theatrical yowl, her voice echoing off the walls, just to ensure her displeasure was properly noted. You dare bring me out there and expect me to act like it was fun?

"Alright, alright, you little diva," Bucky muttered, setting her down on the bench by the front door. His tone was annoyingly affectionate, as though her suffering was adorable. Adorable? She wasn't adorable—she was a wronged queen demanding justice.

Her tail lashed as Bucky started unfastening her puffy blue jacket. She let out another mournful cry, a detailed list of grievances disguised as a single, ear-piercing yowl. Dragged me into the snow, stuffed me into this hideous contraption, laughed at my misery—your crimes will not go unpunished!

"Don't yell at me! You needed the jacket," Bucky protested, working the tiny zipper free. "It's freezing out there. You wanna catch a cold?"

Cold? Alpine narrowed her eyes at him. If I were meant to be cold, I'd have been born as a snowshoe hare. But I am not. I am a cat. A creature of warmth, comfort, and dignity, all of which you've stolen from me today.

As soon as the jacket came off, Alpine leaped off the wooden bench with all the grace of someone who absolutely did not appreciate being handled. She stalked away from the front door and her abuser, her fluffy tail held high, flicking once for emphasis. Behind her, Bucky muttered something about "ungrateful furballs," but Alpine didn't dignify him with a response.

Her mission was clear: she needed to find the other human.

Alpine padded into the living room, each step purposeful, her tail swishing behind her like a banner of disdain. She paused at the threshold, her sharp green eyes sweeping over the cabin's decor. It was... underwhelming. Cozy, sure, but in a way that felt manufactured—like the humans were trying too hard to make it seem charming. She sniffed as if to physically draw in all the reasons she disliked it, her whiskers twitching with disapproval.

Her gaze locked on the Christmas tree, a nearly identical twin to the one at home. It stood smugly in the corner, draped in twinkling lights and shimmering baubles, its branches heavy with ornaments that swayed invitingly. It was practically begging her to reach out a paw. But she knew better. This was just another of their pointless rules.

What is the point of hanging shiny, dangling objects if I'm not allowed to touch them? Alpine thought, her ears flicking backward in annoyance. She swished her tail, remembering every time her paw had been batted away at home. A tree with strict "No, Alpine!" rules was no tree worth respecting.

As her inspection of the room continued, her opinion of the cabin remained resolute: unimpressive. The furniture was soft but mismatched, the kind of pieces you'd tolerate, not cherish. The rug beneath her paws was too coarse for her liking, and the cushions on the couch looked lumpy. Everything here screamed temporary, and Alpine did not care for temporary. She liked her home: the routines, the warm, well-worn spots on the couch, the radiator she'd claimed as her personal throne.

I'll never understand these humans, she thought, her ears twitching as the fire popped again. They hang shiny, tempting objects on a tree and then act like I'm the unreasonable one for wanting to touch them. And those stockings? Useless. They don't even have treats in them. What's the point?

This cabin was tolerable, she supposed, but only because she was here to make it so. It wasn't home, and it certainly wasn't up to her standards.

There he was—the other human. The spare one. Steve. The one who didn't put her in silly outfits or shove a phone in her face. Steve was sprawles out on the couch, holding a book, his big frame sprawled out like he had nowhere else to be.

Perfect.

Alpine hopped onto his lap and immediately began her campaign. She stared up at him with wide, soulful eyes, her most effective weapon, and let out a soft, plaintive meow. Feed me, loyal subject. Prove your worth.

Steve's face broke into a smile as he set the book aside. "Oh, so now I'm the favorite?" he asked, reaching down to pet her.

Alpine leaned into his hand, purring softly as his warm fingers trailed along her back. Finally, someone was acting appropriately.

From the kitchen, Bucky's voice carried over. "She's probably trying to con you into feeding her. Don't let her win, Stevie!"

Con? Alpine's ears twitched at the insult, but she didn't look away from Steve. Instead, she meowed again, a touch louder this time, making her demands crystal clear.

"Too late," Steve said, chuckling as he gently set her back on the floor. He stretched, then headed to the kitchen, Alpine trotting at his heels like the commanding presence she was. "Can't have our little queen going hungry, can we?"

She shot Bucky a smug look as Steve opened the sacred cupboard and retrieved the most precious of treasures—a can of wet food. Her tail flicked in satisfaction as he popped the lid and scooped the fragrant feast into her bowl. See? This one knows what he's doing.

As Steve scooped the food into her bowl, Alpine purred loudly, her tail flicking in satisfaction. Finally, some justice in this household. She devoured the meal with gusto, savoring every bite. It wasn't that long ago that she'd been scraping by, scrounging behind gas stations and dodging cold, sleepless nights. Life here wasn't so bad—not with food like this.

While Steve washed the spoon, Alpine dined like royalty, savoring every bite. Life hadn't always been this good. Not so long ago, she'd been a scrappy dumpster kitten, scrounging for scraps behind gas stations and braving cold, lonely nights. She didn't like to think about those days, but they made moments like this all the sweeter. Her life wasn't all that bad—not with food like this.

When her bowl was empty and her stomach full, Alpine padded back into the living room, her paws light, and her mood improved. The fire crackled invitingly, and she jumped onto the couch, curling into a perfect ball right in front of the warmth.

The two humans joined her shortly after, Bucky flopping onto the couch next to Steve, the blonde's arm slung over the brunette shoulders. They both looked at her, their expressions soft, and Alpine allowed herself to feel a little smug. She had them wrapped around her paw, just as it should be.

"What do you think she's thinking about?" Bucky asked, leaning into Steve.

Steve laughed, rubbing his hand over Bucky's shoulder. "World domination, probably. Or figuring out how to knock over the Christmas tree."

Perhaps both, Alpine thought, cracking one eye open to glance at them. She offered a slow blink, a silent acknowledgment of their loyalty. They were idiots, but they were her idiots.

With a contented sigh, she tucked her nose under her paw and drifted off to sleep. Life with these two wasn't perfect, but it was warm, full of food, and—when they weren't stuffing her into coats or dragging her into the snow—pretty good.

Step 5: Christmas Cards

Humans love to send pictures of themselves during the holidays. Unfortunately, they will try to include you in these.

• If they attempt to pose you next to the tree or in front of the fire, resist. Go limp, twist around, or give them the back of your head for every shot.

• If they succeed in taking a photo, ensure you look unimpressed. This will make the card more authentic.

• When the cards arrive, sit on them. Knock them off the table. This will remind the humans who the real star of the holidays is—you.

The humans had outdone themselves with their ridiculous holiday traditions. Alpine watched from her perch on the back of the couch as Bucky and Steve shuffled around the living room, setting up some sort of photo shoot. The tree twinkled, the fire crackled, and a neatly folded blanket had been draped over the armchair like they were expecting royalty.

"Alpine!" Bucky called, holding a Santa hat in one hand and a determined look on his face. "Come here."

She narrowed her eyes. Absolutely not.

Bucky sighed and tried a new tactic, kneeling and holding out his hand. "Come on, girl. Just one picture, and we're done."

Alpine considered her options. She could stay here and make them chase her, but where was the fun in that? Slowly, she stretched and leapt down, sauntering toward him with exaggerated disinterest. Let them think she was cooperating.

The moment Bucky tried to pick her up, she went completely limp, her full weight dropping into his arms like she'd forgotten how bones worked.

"Oh, come on," he grumbled, shifting her awkwardly. "Steve, help me out."

Steve approached, camera in hand, and Alpine twisted suddenly, wriggling free and darting under the coffee table. From her vantage point, she watched as the humans sighed in unison, already looking defeated.

"I told you we should've just gotten a dog," Steve muttered.

Bucky crouched down to look at her. "Alpine, we're just trying to make a nice card. Can you work with us here?"

She blinked at him slowly, then turned her head, giving him a perfect view of the back of her ears.

"Fine. You win," Bucky muttered, standing. But Alpine wasn't done. As they reset the scene, she emerged from her hiding spot, climbing onto the chair they'd so lovingly prepared.

"Hey, she's sitting still!" Steve said, raising the camera.

Alpine waited until the perfect moment—just as the camera clicked—then yawned dramatically, her ears flattening and her expression one of sheer boredom.

"Really?" Bucky said, glaring at the screen.

"That's actually pretty funny," Steve chuckled, showing him the shot.

By the time the humans gave up and printed their cards, Alpine had moved on to her next target: the cards themselves. They sat in a neat stack on the coffee table, practically begging to be knocked over. She hopped onto the table, settled directly on top of the stack, and began grooming herself like she hadn't a care in the world.

"Alpine, those aren't for you!" Steve said, reaching for the cards.

She swatted his hand away and stretched out further, crumpling the envelopes beneath her.

"She's just reminding us who the star of this holiday is," Bucky said dryly, crossing his arms.

Alpine purred, satisfied. She didn't need to be in the humans' silly pictures. Everyone already knew the truth: this holiday—and the humans' sanity—revolved around her.

Step 6: Holiday Food

Humans feast during the holidays, but they will selfishly guard most of the food. This is unacceptable.

• Station yourself near the kitchen or dining table. Look adorable but hungry.

• If subtlety doesn't work, leap onto the counter and help yourself. Turkey, ham, and anything involving gravy are top-tier.

• Avoid candy canes. They smell strange and are disappointingly inedible.

The smells wafting from the kitchen were overwhelming—roasting meat, buttery rolls, and the tantalizing richness of gravy. Alpine crouched just outside the doorway, her nose twitching and tail flicking as she watched Bucky shuffle between the oven and the counter. He had been at it for hours, muttering under his breath about timers and seasoning. To Alpine, it was obvious: all this effort was clearly for her.

The humans were predictable. They always shared—eventually. But the trick was timing. Alpine stationed herself strategically near the dining table, her eyes wide and unblinking as she stared at Steve, who was slicing bread with precision. Occasionally, she let out a soft, pitiful meow for effect.

"She's giving me the look," Steve muttered to Bucky. "Like I haven't fed her in weeks."

"She's playing you," Bucky shot back without even looking up from his mashed potatoes. "Don't fall for it."

Fine. If pity wasn't working, it was time to escalate.

As Bucky turned to check on the ham, Alpine seized her chance. She leapt onto the counter with the agility of a gymnast, landing silently next to the cooling dish of turkey. The smell was heavenly, and before anyone could react, she snagged a piece with her paw and ducked under the table.

"Alpine!" Bucky's shout was immediate.

From her hiding spot, she could hear the slap of a dish towel against the counter. She took a victorious bite of the turkey, savoring the juicy perfection.

"Seriously?" Steve said, trying not to laugh. "She's like a ninja."

"She's like a menace," Bucky growled, bending down to glare at her. "Give it back!"

Alpine licked her paw, feigning innocence, the half-eaten piece of turkey tucked safely under her. She blinked slowly at Bucky, the picture of feline arrogance.

"Oh, come on," Bucky groaned, standing up and muttering to himself.

Alpine watched as he turned back to the counter, now more vigilant, but she wasn't done yet. She leapt back up a few minutes later when his guard was down, this time going for the gravy boat.

"Alpine, no!"

The commotion sent the humans scrambling, but Alpine was too quick, darting away with a gravy-dipped paw. The humans were shouting, but all Alpine heard was a triumph.

Candy canes, however, were another story. One sat abandoned on the counter, its shiny wrapper catching the light. Curious, Alpine sniffed it, only to recoil at the strange, minty scent. With a flick of her paw, she sent it flying to the floor where it could bother someone else. Disgusting.

By the time dinner was served, Alpine had claimed a seat under the table, strategically positioned to catch any falling crumbs. She watched smugly as Bucky set down the dishes, glaring at her like she was the villain of the holiday.

Little did he know, Alpine thought, licking her gravy-soaked paw, she was the hero this feast deserved.

Step 7: The Gift Exchange

Humans will gather around the tree and exchange boxes of things they don't need. Occasionally, they will give you gifts too.

• Ignore the gifts they give you. It's likely a toy you'll never touch or some boring treats.

• Instead, focus on the empty boxes and discarded wrapping paper. These are the real treasures.

• Jump into every box. Claim it. It's your throne now.

The living room looked like a holiday battlefield—a sea of torn wrapping paper, empty boxes, and shiny ribbons strewn across the floor. Alpine was in her element. Sitting primly in the center of the chaos, she watched her humans, Bucky and Steve, exchanging gifts under the tree. They were making far too much fuss over things that clearly didn't matter. The true treasures were right in front of her: crinkly paper, dangling ribbons, and boxes—oh, the glorious boxes.

"Look, Alpine," Steve said, holding out a small package wrapped in green paper. "This one's for you."

Alpine glanced at the box, then at Steve, her green eyes narrowing slightly. Did he honestly think she'd care about what was inside? She was far too busy surveying the mess to waste energy humoring him. With the dignity of a queen dismissing a court jester, she turned her attention to a crumpled ball of wrapping paper lying just out of reach.

She crouched low, tail flicking, and pounced, batting the paper across the floor. It skittered under the couch, but she didn't mind—there were plenty more.

"Guess she's not interested," Steve chuckled, setting the package aside.

"Typical," Bucky muttered, tearing into a box of his own. "We could've saved twenty bucks if we just gave her the garbage."

Alpine ignored their commentary. She had more important tasks at hand. A stray bow caught her eye, its shiny surface catching the light. She stalked it like prey, her claws unsheathing as she pounced. The bow slid across the floor, but she was relentless, chasing it under the coffee table and batting it back out into the open. Finally, she trapped it under her paw and gave it a triumphant bite before losing interest. There were still other treasures to claim.

And then she saw it: an empty box sitting near Bucky's feet. The perfect size for sitting, lounging, or both. She padded over, sniffing it with the cautious curiosity of a professional investigator. Satisfied, she hopped inside, turning in circles until she'd found just the right position.

"She gets a catnip toy and ignores it for a box," Bucky said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Priorities," Steve replied with a grin, watching Alpine settle into her new throne.

Alpine stretched luxuriously, her tail dangling lazily over the edge of the box. For a moment, she closed her eyes, basking in the triumph of her find. But peace never lasted long in her world. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a ribbon dangling from the arm of the couch. It swayed gently, taunting her.

Without hesitation, Alpine leapt from the box and tackled the ribbon mid-air, rolling onto her back as she shredded it with wild abandon. The humans' voices grew louder, but their words were irrelevant. She had won.

"Alpine, come on," Bucky groaned, crouching to pick up the pieces of ribbon. "That's the third one you've destroyed!"

Unbothered by his protests, Alpine sauntered back to her box and hopped in, resuming her royal position. She gave Bucky a slow blink—the feline equivalent of a mic drop.

Steve laughed, shaking his head. "I think she's having the best Christmas out of all of us."

Bucky sighed, glancing at the pile of toys and treats they'd bought her, now abandoned in favor of the box and wrapping paper. "Next year, we're just getting her an empty box and some paper. Save ourselves the trouble."

Alpine flicked her tail, smug satisfaction radiating from her small frame. Finally, they were starting to understand who the real star of Christmas was.

Step 8: Holiday Cheer

Humans will sing, laugh, and generally act even more absurd than usual. They'll also cuddle more, which is... tolerable.

• Indulge them when they try to include you in their "holiday spirit." Let them pet you for exactly as long as you feel like it.

• If they dress you in a Santa hat or a ridiculous sweater, go limp. Make them regret their choices.

• Occasionally grace them with a slow blink. This will make them feel like they've earned your approval, which keeps them manageable.

The living room buzzed with holiday cheer, the kind humans seemed to find contagious this time of year. Laughter and chatter filled the space as Bucky and Steve lounged on the couch, mugs of steaming cocoa in hand, trading stories and enjoying the cozy warmth of the fire. Alpine, perched on the arm of the couch, observed the scene with her usual mix of disdain and reluctant fondness. Humans were absurd creatures, but at least they served a purpose—sometimes.

Steve reached over, his hand hovering near her ears. "You feeling the holiday cheer, Alpine?" he asked, his voice soft and coaxing, like she was some simple-minded puppy who could be swayed by tone alone.

She allowed the intrusion, tilting her head slightly as his fingers scratched behind her ears. For a moment—just a moment—she leaned into the touch, her eyes half-closing in approval. But then, inevitably, he pushed his luck and scratched the wrong spot. Her tail flicked sharply in warning, and she sprang down from the arm of the couch with an air of offended dignity, leaving Steve mid-scratch and chuckling to himself.

"Guess that's a no," he said with a grin, watching as Alpine sauntered toward Bucky's chair.

Bucky snorted, one hand resting on the armrest as Alpine approached. "Yeah, that's her version of holiday cheer—gracing us with her presence until we overstep."

Despite his words, his hand reached out to stroke her head. Alpine tolerated it for a beat or two, closing her eyes briefly before pulling back. She had better things to do than indulge human attention all evening. Or so she thought.

That's when she saw it—the Santa hat.

Bucky held it up with a mischievous grin, his eyes narrowing playfully. "Come on, Alpine. Just for a second. You'll look cute."

Cute? Alpine didn't need some ridiculous human prop to be cute. Her ears flattened immediately as she glared at him, her tail twitching in annoyance. She considered bolting, but before she could make her escape, the hat was on her head.

Her response was immediate and dramatic. She went limp, collapsing onto the arm of the chair like the weight of the world—or at least the hat—was too much to bear.

Steve burst out laughing. "Oh my god, she's playing dead! Look at her!"

Bucky groaned, trying to adjust the hat as Alpine flopped over onto her side, her legs splayed in the most exaggerated display of misery she could muster. If he wanted her to wear this thing, he was going to suffer for it.

"She's fine," Bucky said, though even he was laughing as he wrestled with her limp form. "You're such a little diva."

Alpine didn't budge, her green eyes narrowing into a judgmental glare that could have peeled paint off the walls. After a few more failed attempts to make the hat look presentable, Bucky finally sighed and removed it, tossing it onto the couch with a defeated shake of his head.

As soon as the offending accessory was gone, Alpine sprang to her feet with an indignant shake; her fur fluffed as if to rid herself of the lingering humiliation.

"See?" Steve teased. "You ruined her mood."

"Yeah, well, she ruined my hat," Bucky muttered, gesturing to the crumpled mess now sitting on the couch.

Ignoring them both, Alpine climbed back onto the armrest she'd claimed earlier, settling down with her tail neatly curled around her paws. She gave Bucky a slow, deliberate blink—a signal of forgiveness, but just barely.

Steve grinned. "That was a mercy blink. She's letting you off easy."

Bucky groaned, slouching back in his chair. "I don't know why I even try with her."

Satisfied, Alpine tucked her paws beneath her chest, her eyes closing as the warmth of the fire and the sound of human chatter filled the room. Holiday cheer, she decided, was tolerable—so long as it remained on her terms. Naturally, she was winning.

Conclusion

The holidays can be chaotic, loud, and full of baffling traditions. But remember: you are the true center of the household, no matter what these humans celebrate. Use their festivities to your advantage. Play with their decorations, dominate their wrapping sessions, and claim their cozy spots.

And most importantly, when they look at you with those ridiculous grins and call you their "holiday miracle," accept it. After all, you are the greatest gift they could ever hope for.

Happy holidays, peasants.

-Alpine 🐾

Moodboard

Sif's Masterlist

Series Masterlist

[dapper-lil-arts]

this isnt a hate just a question. why do you draw tits so big???? like im just curious. idk im not judging i draw worse things and youre very cool but. why.

you must be new here. before i drew pony bs my job was to draw furry bs. 80% of my commissions involve tits that big. Business isnt as good as it was back then, but hey, I had to go all in on something rather than pussyfooting around with human sized tits. it is what it is yeah Ive been told I need to make them smaller for marketability but I'm fairly certain that I'll be unmarketable no matter what, so yknow

[fox-guardian]

Commissions are now OPEN!

[ID: A commission sheet with a purple, green, and orange background. A header reads "Fox-Guardian's Commissions!" with their fursona -- an orange, green, and purple fox with tentacle horns -- pointing to themself and saying "That's me!" Below are examples or different types of commissions. The first row is sketch commissions featuring Samama Khalid standing awkwardly with a confused expression. The first is less detailed and uncolored with more cartoony proportions and is marked as $10. The second is more detailed and uncolored with more realistic proportions and is $20. The last is the same level of detail as the second, now with flat colors, and is $30. The second row are lined commissions featuring Falin Touden standing and waving with a smile while holding her staff. Each are marked with lines for bust, waist-up, and fully body sizes with prices at each level. The uncolored lineart prices are $20, $25, and $30 respectively. The flat colored prices are $55, $60, and $65. And the fully rendered prices are $85, $90, and $95. Below is a footer with OP's fursona doodled at the bottom saying "I accept USD via Paypal! DM me for my order form!" and a list of things they will, won't, and might draw as follows: Will Draw: - Furries/Anthros - Humans/Humanoids - Non-explicit pinups - Simple robots

Won't Draw: - Explicit NSFW - Offensive/Hate - Mechas - Real people

Might Draw: - Gore (Realistic or Pastel) - Non-humanoid Monsters - Pets/Non-humanoid animals

end ID]

~~~~

I am opening THREE (3) commission slots for the time being!!

Not doing backgrounds, just a flat color, either your choice or white (or transparent)

Up to 2 characters, each will be priced fully (i.e. a Colored Sketch of one character is $30, so a Colored Sketch of two would be $60)

I'll do fanart or OCs

the rendering style isn't strictly the mostly cell-shaded, partial soft shaded style shown here if you'd prefer a different one i've done before. whichever you pick would be the same price <3

as the sheet says, DM me if you are interested and I will send you a link to my commission google form where you place your order, and will get back to you on whether or not I accept within 3 days of your form being submitted!

a couple more notes:

payment is upfront, and commissions over $30 must be paid partially upfront and partially throughout the process

if you are not 100% certain you will have the money to pay for a commission, please do not order one (if you get a big one tho and realize you can't afford the full thing after it's partially completed, we can arrange a downgrade so you can afford it if you'd like)

whether or not I accept a commission depends mostly on whether or not I feel I have the skill to execute it well. even it fits into the "will-draw" criteria, I may still not accept it

more information can be found in my form, thankies a bunchies uwu <3

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Vanessa!Swap AU

(in which Game!Vanessa and Movie!Vanessa swap universes)

“WHERE IS BONNIE?!” “WHERE IS MONTY?!”

Movie!Vanessa is baffled by the speaking abilities of the Glamrocks, while it takes Game!Vanessa a moment to realize that the OG Gang aren’t ignoring her, they just can’t speak.

The size of the Pizzaplex overwhelms Movie!Vanessa and gives her the opposite of claustrophobia. Game!Vanessa, however, is so happy to work in an establishment that she can fully walk through in under an hour.

Game!Vanessa: YOOO THIS PLACE IS SICK!!! i can walk from one side of the Pizzeria in less than ten minutes!!

Movie!Vanessa: WHERE AM I?!?!

The fact that the Pizzaplex is closed up so tightly at night worries Movie!Vanessa immensely. And then Game!Vanessa is so happy that she can LEAVE WHENEVER SHE WANTS. The doors aren’t grated or anything!! She can just WALK OUT!!

“WHAT HAPPENED TO BONNIE?!” “We don’t talk about Bonnie anymore… 😔” “WHAT?!”

Game!Vanessa @ the OG gang: can you really not talk? DAMN, that must SUCK! where i come from, my guys have PERFECT English. honestly, it’s probably better than mine. do you even understand what i’m saying? *proceeds to rant all night*

Movie!Vanessa: *holding DJ Music Man at gunpoint, shaking in terror*

Movie!Vanessa threatens to shoot so many different things.

She takes an actual shot at Sun because he scared the shit out her.

Mini Music Man also scares the shit out of her.

First, she tries to shoot him, then she trips, slams her head into the wall, and blacks out.

Movie!Vanessa sobbing in the Pizzaplex vs Game!Vanessa tearing up the dance floor to 80s music

Game!Vanessa @ Mike: who the FUCK are YOU

Game!Vanessa would be very dubious of Mike and Abby. But also: Game!Vanessa being like Mike’s other younger sister.

Would Glitchtrap go over with Game!Vanessa?? Because if he does…

Glitchtrap: WHY AM I AN AMERICAN

Game!Vanessa: HA YOU GOT COLONIZED

Game!Vanessa: *begins to scream in agony because Glitchtrap is attacking her brain*

Mike: what the fuck is wrong with you

If Glitchtrap doesn’t go with Game!Vanessa and just transfers into Movie!Vanessa’s head…

Well, she would probably end her life right then and there.

Meanwhile, Game!Vanessa: I’M FREE!! I’M FINALLY FREE!!!

Game!Vanessa won’t stop saying how rotund the OG Gang is.

Movie!Vanessa accidentally tases Monty because he startles her, and his resulting scream of agony makes her want to vomit because CAN THEY FEEL PAIN?!?!

One of the OG Gang stalks up to Game!Vanessa, and she’s just like “rude.”

She is completely unfazed to them trying to be “killer robots.”

Movie!Vanessa, after finding the Vanny suit: am i…a furry??????

DJMM has that improvise ability, so it’s canon that he makes themes for people, and the music immediately changes when Movie!Vanessa goes to West Arcade, and she perceives it as boss music.

The final scene of the movie, but Game!Vanessa and Movie!William make the animatronics fight each other because they’re both trying to control them.

It’s an all-out R-R-R-ROBOT FIGHT!!!!!

Game!Vanessa getting turnt on the dance floor, while Movie!Vanessa questions her own humanity when she sees Roxy having human problems.

Game!Vanessa: man i really hope my nudes don’t get leaked here, too

Mike: HUH

Movie!Vanessa would shoot Map Bot

“Take this ma—” 💥💥💥💥

The OSHA violations in the Pizzaplex would send Movie!Vanessa into the stratosphere

Movie!Vanessa would start writing tickets at the race track for speeding

Game!Vanessa keeps asking the animatronics to help her with her homework (none of them know math beyond addition and subtraction)

BONUS

Game!Vanessa: yeah, Mr. Afton—

Movie!Vanessa: HE MAKES YOU CALL HIM WHAT

DOUBLE BONUS

Game!Vanessa: your dad is inside me

Movie!Vanessa: WHAT

[yearningaces]

Is it too much to ask this Halloween, to be surrounded by the loving embrace of a horrific nightmare of a sentient creature who adores me and is so gentle but terrifies anyone who dares to get close enough to see their visage? I'll wear a mask so I don't get scared either idgaf

...

Actually...

Did you know exactly what they were? No.

Did you even know what gender or even what creature? Also no.

But they were sentient, and they adored you. You'd been stuck in the darkness of an abandoned house the first time you met. Out of fear of what you were moments from seeing and fear of the situation of being locked in here by those who were supposed to be your friends, you covered your eyes.

And they appeared. Urging you to keep your eyes closed as they approached. Sometimes you'd feel massive paws gingerly guiding your blinded self. Sometimes it was harsh talons that held you with care. On the occasion something akin to a tail was placed in your hands for you to follow them as they wandered.

And as long as you keep your eyes covered and closed, they could remain close and adore you the way they demanded to.

And now any time it's dark enough you can't see, any time the lights go out or you so much as cover your eyes, you feel them reaching out. Some days it's a massive fur covered soft and plush form with a fang filled maw the size of your toreso nuzzling against you. Other days it's the lightest pressure of a miniscule figure sitting on your shoulder, curled up against your neck with leathery skin and a thin tail.

On the strangest days you feel like you're being held in a massive pair of hands, able to fit in the palms of your unseen companion.

And you never questioned why you needed to keep your eyes covered, until one day that is.

They felt similar to a bear today, massive, furry, chubby, and rumbling deep in their toreso as they held onto you while you both simply lounged on the forest floor.

You had a silk scarf tied around your head to cover your eyes, a gift they'd presented months ago. You saw nothing but could feel every touch and hear every soft adoring word they uttered to you in enamored affection.

Until they froze, their grip tightening just slightly and you heard footsteps approaching. But they didn't try to hide or move, they simply sat and quietly asked you to keep your blindfold on.

You didn't understand until you heard panicked exclamations from someone who must have just gotten close enough to see your companion.

And the screaming began.

Pained, panicked, throat tearing screeches as if someone was being driven mad rang out in the otherwise silent forest. Your companion placed a massive paw over the side of your head, covering your ear and pressing your other ear against their chest. The noise muffled as the screaming grew wetter and wetter, before devolving into a strangled gurgling sound. Eventually a quiet 'thud'.

And all was silent.

After a long time, they uncover your ears but continue holding you close.

"That is why you must never look upon my appearance, precious one." Was all they said, in the calmest tone.

You never found a body. They made certain you didn't. They brought you home and waited to leave until you were asleep, removing any trace of what happened because they were just so considerate of their favorite precious human.

Just keep your eyes closed, keep the blindfolds on, and you will be adored and treasured like never before for the rest of your life.

Not a terrible trade off, right?

[spitdrunken]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about pokemon characters getting home early or coming upon their girlfriend reader accidentally and seeing the reader being fucked by one (or some) of her partner pokemon! Maybe Maxie findinder the reader in an empty room at the team magma base with her grunt uniform shifted aside and her camerupt covering her with his furry cock shoved inside her and she's in complete shivering mindless bliss, face down ass up slowly rocking herself back and forth on that dick. He didn't know she was fucking pokemon because of course she tried to keep it secret, but he loves seeing it and it turns him on immensely. Or any other characters in that kind of situation!

I'm not comfortable yet (and I don't know if I ever will be) to post about pokephilia on my own, but I wanted to share my fantasy of being caught getting fucked by your pokemon by your character s/o! It's just so hot to me

it makes complete sense that you're not comfortable to post it on your own! it's a controversial topic at that best of times... im just glad my blog feels 'safe' enough for you to share your thoughts <33!! and anon, how does it feel to have such a big brain???? because..... GOOD THOUGHTS.

notes: pokephilia, cheating (maxie is kinda into it but. tagging just in case), cucking, large size difference

Maxie is such a good fit for this idea, especially!

Wheras someone like Archie would just stomp over and start yelling obscenities until the end of time, and rightfully so, Maxie might be… Unexpectedly into this? You don't know he's there, and you don't know he's watching. (Having a burning, throbbing cock almost as thick as your arm inside you does things like that to a girl.) But your partner is listening to all of your strangled gasps, his own cock straining against his underwear, face flushed bright red with a mixture of humiliation, mortification, and arousal.

When you shift around, changing your position so your leaning on your elbows instead of your hands, Maxie can see your stomach bulging with the girth from his own partner Pokémon's cock. Upon seeing it, all he can think is that you must be forever ruined at this point, aren't you? How could any human, how could he ever satisfy you again, after this?

Knowing Maxie though, he'd try to get a bit closer unnoticed, only to trip and fall, or for his glasses to somehow clatter off of his face in the process.

[soft--dogs]

It's time for this year's Beach Bum YCH! This one is something of a mini-comic, slots are $250, and you'll receive all 4 panels and a combined version as well ^w^ Each panel will be adjusted to fit your character and your swimwear choice! Any genders, can adjust NSFW parts and bust size. Swimwear and popsicle colors can be changed as well! Un-censored versions can be viewed on my FA, or you can DM me for them ^^ Some YCH Rules: - 18+ only!! - MUST have ref sheet or clear image of character I can work from. - Most furry species should work! But no characters with beaks, and no humans, sorry! Wings, extra limbs, etc can be added but may cost extra. - Body type can be adjusted to fit your character, as long as it will still fit the base/poses. - Completion time is around 4-6 weeks. - Payments thru Paypal invoice only. - I usually post all commissions on tumblr and FA, please let me know in advance if you don't want yours posted. Also feel free to post yours yourself! DM me if you're interested in grabbing a slot!

[ninacytosis]

For the time lost

Summary: Zuko wants to erase every reminder of his past mistakes, and Katara will take him on a journey to, quite literally, heal both of their scarrings.

Contains: Angst, Fluff, Katara has burns scars from Aang's first attempts to firebend, Katara tries to get over her resentment towards the FN, Zuko doesn't hate Azula.

Dear reader: I hope you enjoy it! <3 Let me know if you want me to continue posting.

Find chapter one here.

Find chapter two here.

┊┊┊┊☆┊*🌙*┊☆┊┊┊┊

Chapter Three

To Katara’s surprise, his scar looked pretty much the same as before. After greeting her, she got a look up close and searched for a different color, texture, or size. Maybe it was smoother? Her thoughts kept meditating on this new information while she followed Zuko through the palace.

Zuko stopped walking and turned to her. “You're so quiet today... Not complaining, though" he smirked.

The place was a bit different from the last time Katara visited. The walls, once filled with portraits of the former Fire Lords, were left with paintings of birds and rodents; some pieces were pale and ill-looking, and, to her surprise, others were unbelievably adorable. Every part of the palace seemed to be made with such delicacy, it made her wonder how much respect people had for the royals. The marble floor felt like floating through the hallways.

“How old is this place?” she asked Zuko.

“Maybe two hundred years old” he replied, with a doubtful tone. “But every now and then it got redecorated. My mom was really into gardening, so there were a lot of floral decorations until I was like twelve.”

“I guess you’re into hawkpards” she smiled. “I’ve seen like five paintings of them so far”.

“Oh, yeah… We got a lot of those in the back garden. Oh, I got to show you the turtleducks in the front!” He grabbed her shoulder. “They’ve grown so much since you last came”.

They both rushed to an open space in between the castle. It wasn’t a front garden technically, but Katara didn’t want to ruin the moment. He was so excited to take her there. And the turtleducks were beautifully bathed in the golden sparks of the setting sun.

“The little ones were born by the end of autumn”.

Her eyes followed the furry little guys as they approached Zuko’s feet. He seemed annoyed, yet patient, while their little peaks pinched his pants. He proceeded to sit down and surrender to the attack. Now the turtleducks looked at him expectantly, Katara guessed that they were pet recurrently by him.

“No treat today,” he said, in a high-pitched voice. “But we got visits. Greet Katara!”

She chuckled. Zuko’s silliness always got to her, she could tell he was comfortable if she paid attention and saw through all his awkwardness. The water that had golden sparkles some minutes ago, was now in a purplish tone, the sky was getting darker. Two guards walked in their direction with small lamps in their hands. She imagined they lit them up themselves. How cool that must be.

“The visitor’s room is ready, my Lord” one pointed out.

Katara guessed both the guards were about thirty. By the looks they gave to her, she guessed they still weren’t used to having waterbenders around. To even see them as allies. She tried to convince herself some progress had been made. Some years ago, it was hard to tell if the Fire Nation guards saw her as human. Now they’re just weirded out, she can’t really blame them. She’s feeling odd herself, trying to turn off her flight or fight mode. Trying to hold eye contact with them, because she doesn’t want to seem snobby. Trying to look at Zuko, to remember nothing bad will happen. Weirdness is progress. Weirdness is not cruelty.

“I’ll take her, thanks for letting me know” he replied. “You can go now”

With a small flame in his hand, he led her to one of the upper floors. It was a pretty place, but it felt so empty. All she could hear were their steps and the whispers of the guards. Probably they talked all night to avoid getting asleep.

"My Lord" she tittered.

"Oh, shut up" he sighed. "I can still hear Toph laughing about it."

They arrived at her room. Katara noticed a penguin plushie on her mattress. She turned to Zuko and scrunched her face. After seeing her funny covers and blue walls, she realized what he was trying to do.

“I thought it would feel more like home” Zuko whispered. “Is it too corny?”

“I love it” she giggled.

“Come here” he asked her. Katara walked to the window and saw the moon rising from mountains.

“Now, that’s too corny” she mocked. “Thank you, I feel like I’m royalty too”.

“Well, technically you are a royal of the Southern Water tribe” he squeezed his eyes.

She rolled her eyes. If she was a princess, her “castle” was a giant whale skeleton. But she couldn’t complain, it felt more sacred than most homes. And it showed her people’s historical resilience, something that would transcend centuries more than her desire for a fancier house. For a second, she feared she spent too much time in her mind and ignored Zuko’s presence.

“We’re such a diplomatic friendship” she whispered. Zuko laughed, still looking through the window.

“You know, back at the garden, I noticed you were a bit shaky” he admitted. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” she nodded.

“Do you find it scary to come here?”

“Of course not” is what she would’ve answered to most people. Four springs have passed since the war, and even in the war, she wasn’t the type of person to hide from Fire Nation guards. It would be unlike her to fear a threat that it’s not even there. And as much as it didn’t make sense to her or anyone else, she felt her heart race when a guard looked at her for a little too long, she lost her breath when a firework sounded a little too loud. She was afraid.

“I… think so, Zuko” she answered. “Sorry if it sounds ungrateful, I don’t mean to show prejudice towards your people. I bet your guards are highly honorable and your friends here are nice. But it’s hard to see these walls and walk through this city without getting a bit sappy, you know?” she sat on the floor. “I think that’s why I usually don’t come here often”.

“I know what you mean. Well, that’s one of the reasons it’s so hard for me to go to the South” She leaned her head. “I’m ashamed, for my nation, my ancestors’ actions, and my own. I see all the empty houses and the little kids in your town and it makes me feel so unworthy of being a king.”

He covered his face with his hands and sat next to her, both on the cold wooden planks. Katara caressed his hair, gently, not really sure how to say what she thought of Zuko. At least, she didn’t know how to deliver it in a way that convinced him that he was a good person. A compassionate, caring, noble person. She put her head on his shoulder.

“You are not your father, Zuko” she mumbled. “And the Water Nation’s door will always be open for you. Not only on the North, by the way”.

“About that… I know all these traveling to the North might seem weird to you”.

“You’re Zuko, you’re always weird” she bumped his arm.

He disapprovingly shook his head.

“Anyways, I thought I should tell you I went there to get rid of my scar” Zuko stood up. “I’m so tired, you probably are too. I’m going to my room.”

“So you’re just gonna drop that bomb and leave?” Katara raised her eyebrow.

“We can talk tomorrow. I promise” he walked to the door. “Good night, Katara.”