#music gods be like she can have little a bb girls... as a treat.

[lee-jinkis-ponytail]

New BBGirls will sample RICK JAMES??? BUFFALO BORN AND RAISED RICK JAMES???

I s2g. Between the redebut teasers dropping a year to the day I saw BBGirls in concert, and now an homage to a musician from my hometown, the universe is shouting out and apologizing to me, specifically, for making me think my favorite girl group was disbanding the same year everything else in my life has fallen apart. The music gods were like, "We see you. We know you're mourning your soulmate cat, your dream job turned out to be an underpaid nightmare, you cannot pay your bills, your medications are no longer staving off your chronic illness, and student loans are coming back, but--BUT--you WILL still have brand new BBGirls bops to help you dance your way through the apocalypse. We will not take that away from you too, Lee Ann, we promise."

[ruenii]

adding to this post, some more transmigrator!tim dialogue (using the term transmigrator very loosely)

*Tim in yet another fic where he was cast aside and being treated like garbage*

Tim: Alright then motherfuckers, you wanna toss me out again?? YOU REALLY WANNA TOSS.ME.OUT.AGAIN??!?!

*Does the most messed up prank he was forbidden from doing because Alfred stopped him that one time."

Tim: Uhh *looks at the Manor that's covered in tissue paper* did we go too far with this one?

Cassie: *busy pouring fake goats' blood on Damian's suit* no, we went too far a week ago when we faked your death via explosion and left your dismembered body parts in the wreckage.

Bart: We're in the 8th circle of hell! *he said it with so much glee that you'd forget that he dumped all of Bruce's shoes and Jason's leather jackets in a lake, near Poison Ivy's turf*

Kon: More like the 10th.. *he says as he sprayed more of Dick's horrible cologne into Jason's helmet and made it somehow radioactive*

Tim: Welp, some sacrifices have to be made.

---

*Gets dropped into a universe where he becomes Talia's older brother, and Ra's first child*

Tim: Oh god I have Ra's blood in me...HIS FUCKING BLOOD IS INSIDE ME GETITOUTGETIOUT-

Talia, 4 years old, looking at her older brother who's acting hysterical: That is my blood, however foolish and idiotic he may be.

*A couple years later*

Tim: Wow, Talia as a little sister is so uncanny, but oh well, she's charming. I don't know why she keeps on clinging to me though.

Talia, now older, was taught by Tim healthier coping mechanisms and being there for her emotionally and giving her affection she wasn't used to receiving: He is my blood, if anyone were to take him away from me I will do anything to have him by my side again, my Father be damned.

---

*Tim lands face-first into a universe where he doesn't exist and the batfam lives their lives like usual*

Tim: Wow, I don't exist! *If you look closely you can actually pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks in two* Im totally okay!

Lucius: Who is this scrawny lookin 6-year-old who's passed out in front of my yard?

Tam & Luke: NEW BROTHER??!!

Tanya, already preparing dinner: He looks so skinny- what has he been eating?!

*fast forward 5 years later*

Bruce looks at Tim and has a moment of deja vu: I didn't know you adopted a kid Lucius.

Lucius: Me too, I found him passed out in my front yard.

Bruce: You what.

(Tam, Luke, and Tim playing in the background while Jason stares)

Jason: ...Can we have Tim?

Bruce Jason no!- *even though he thought about it*

Tam, Luke, and Timothy (who got soft and returned because of Tim): NO!! HE'S OUR BABY BROTHER!!

Jason: But...BUT I WANT A BABY BROTHER TOO >:(!!

Bruce and Lucius: *Internally facepalming*

---

*Gets stuck in a tree as soon as he arrives at another universe*

Tim: Where in god's name did I land this time?

*Sees the old teen titans fighting a sludge monster*

Tim: Oh, so this is a Teen Titans-era universe. Cool.

*Passes out on the tree because dimension travel takes a lot from you, and gets spotted by Beast Boy*

BB: Yo! There's a cat stuck in that tree! *Climbs up the tree but spots Tim passed out instead*

BB: Wait, no, nevermind, it's just a dude.

*He picks up Tim like a teddy bear and shows him to the other titans*

Robin: We should take him to the tower, it seems like he's another vigilante..*looks at Tim suspiciously*

*Takes Tim to a tower and they somehow get a big brother figure in the process*

Tim: I have no idea how I got here...

*Robin clinging on to him in front, Starfire cuddling his arm, Raven leaning on his side, Beast Boy transformed as a kitten snuggled in his head, Cyborg leaning comfortably on his legs on the floor*

Tim: But I guess I have...children?–

---

*As Tim arrived at the new universe he hears subtle K-Drama music in the background*

~*Oh every time I see you, Geudae nuneul bol ttaemyeon-*~

Tim: No...NO! NONONO- DO TELL ME I ENDED IN A FUCKING–

*Looks down and sees he turned into a girl*

Tim: Oh, not bad, BUT FUCK MY LIFE–

*A title card shows up in front of Tim:*

"The Three Wayne Brothers Are In Love With Me?!"

Sparkles and roses radiate in front of him, and Tim deadpans*

Tim: Haha, no. No way. Uh-Uh. I am NOT DATING MY GODDAMN BROTHERS.

*A holographic screen pops up, that is also decorated with roses and sparkles*

System: You are Timothea Drake! You are the villainess of this story, you are the person who will torment the Female Lead and meet a tragic end and die!

Tim: Okay that's better– wait did you say I was going to torment the Female Lead?

System: ...Seriously? You don't even question the fact that you're gonna die?

Tim: That's just a normal Thursday tbh.

System: Ignoring your subtle lack of self-preservation, Finish these tasks I prepared to get back home, but be warned, it will take years to finish these–

Tim: Deal.

*Time skip to Tim canceling his and Damian's arranged marriage, used the system's avatar to have an alibi for cancelling the marriage, and helping the female lead while gaining the trust of the Brothers.*

Tim: Thank god I didn't get caught up in a messy love triangle, right System?

System: Uhuh....yeah...

*The System says as he sees the female lead glaring daggers at him as well as the other brothers for stealing their big sister/little sister figure*

System, horrified for once in its life: I think it's worse than a love triangle... it's a fucking sister complex–

---

*Catches himself as he lands in another universe*

Tim: HA! Can't get me this time fuckface!

*looks around and realizes he's in a familiar Manor, and...a pre-teen Bruce staring at him concerned..*

Bruce: Uhh...you alright Tim?

Tim: I...what the–

Bruce: Are you feeling unwell? I shall call mother and tell her to call the chauffeur to drive you home.

Tim: holy fuck it really does run in the family...

Bruce, even more concerned: Timothy? Please tell me if you are feeling ill and I shall contact the family doctor to check your health–

Tim: *just now realizing that he's the friend of this young Bruce* No! no! it's fine Bruce! Come on let's go play...chess or something.

Bruce, concerned but relieved to see that his friend is not gonna keel over and kick the bucket: Alright, then we shall play chess and see who's the victor.

*Tim now grinning and planning on how to make THIS version of Bruce not shit himself when he's trying to show emotions*

Tim: Good thing the last universe I was in was where I was a therapist, god this kid needs to learn better-coping mechanisms when 'that' eventually happens..

Tim: Fuck my life I can't believe I have to be Bruce's therapist, AGAIN–

'transmigrator' tim drake who's gotten used to suddenly waking up in an alternate dimension similar to his but its just AO3 batman fics he keeps on getting transported to, so now he tries to figure out the plot before looking at the tags as a distraction while trying to find his way back to his original dimension.

"Oh another coffee shop AU? Okay...i wonder what pairing this is-- anddd its superbat, okay, cool."

"Hold the fuck on, why is green lantern making out with batman, WAIT WHY ARE THEY IN GOTHAM ACADEMY—"

"Another angsty fic of me? Okay, FINE, I'll get fucking therapy jfc, and maybe I'll get my life back together no need to tell me twice.

"This is unfair, god hates me, why the hell is Damian taller than me when he's 16. HE'S LITERALLY 16."

"Damnnn, you really just did that Bruce? CPS is gonna have a field day with this."

"Awww this is actually pretty cute, I would never do that though, god that was fucking embarassing, you're embarassing."

Now when he comes back to his original universe he just has all this weird knowledge and habits that he has after being in all those universes, and some of them he doesnt even notice like:

He sleeps literally anywhere in the Manor, kissing Kon on the cheek, holding Duke's hand randomly, being cuddly with Bart and Cassie, patting Jason in the back, ruffling Damians head or even hugging Dick first. And he sometimes just hugs Bruce just because, maybe Bruce is gonna be shocked for the first few times then he gets used to it.

And everyone in the batfam and his friends gets used to Tim being subtly open to affection and reciprocates it back to him, while also being used to him referencing some weird pop culture memes and inside jokes they don't get except for him.

TLDR: Tim gets character development by reading fanfiction.

[yostresswritinggirl]

@butterfly-mochi​ Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)’s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

[kodzukoi]

You know I’m the fandom’s resident hurt/comfort slut.

I’ll start with Karasuno, lemme know if you want others. I’ll either go school by school or mix em up like a cocktail.

HEY GUYS THERES SOME TRIGGERS IN HERE! PTSD, Panic Attacks, Depression.

Fluffy hcs first:

Tanaka can BAKE Bro

He learned from Saeko obviously

World famous lemon bars and peanut butter squares

They’ve actually won competitions

Daichi is a doggo dad!!! I REPEAT!

He has a corgi named Mochi, and a pug named tofu.

Yes the third years bully him for his name choices, why do you ask?

Nekoma is Karasuno’s crutch, and vice versa.

These bbs will deadass go down swinging for each other. It doesn’t matter if they have a close bond with the player or not, they will defend them to the grave.

Hinata thinks toilet paper should face outward.

Kageyama completely agrees, but only disagrees to fuck with him

Same thing with cereal before milk.

Kageyama’s favorite drink isn’t milk!!! It’s warm chai!

When the team learned this, they always made sure to get the setter one whenever they were at a coffee shop.

Tsukki can play drums. That’s it. That’s the post.

SPEAKING OF MUSIC-

Behold my favorite Haikyuu headcannon.

Tadashi Yamaguchi can s i n g.

He takes lessons, practices all the time, is in concerts and showcases all over the place.

The second he musters the courage to talk about a song that he’s making good progress on, the team asked when his next concert was, because you bet your sweet ass they all simultaneously thought to go. Daichi didn’t even have to make it requirement.

Ennoshita is so fucking good at chess. Even Tsukki can’t beat him.

Noya collects keychains!!

He always asks his teammates to get him one whenever they travel.

Eventually, they all just did it by default to surprise him.

Suga introduced the team to meditation.

Asahi falls asleep most times

Noya and Hinata find it the least beneficial because they are awful at clearing their minds.

“Dude when I tried to clear my mind, I immediately thought ’do penguins have knees’?”

“I heard about four songs at the same time and could see through the eyes of someone making a painting.”

Speaking of Asahiiii :)

The team comes to him with uniform troubles!

He’s sewn loose ends, hemmed calf length shorts, tied off loose threads, repaired broken seams. Etc.

Kinoshita leads locker room: the musical at every single game.

It totally boosts the team’s morale and it’s like the dumbest songs ever

I mean like Take on Me, Bohemian Rhapsody, or Careless Whisperer, YES THEY MAKE THE SAXOPHONE NOISES WITH THEIR MOUTHS WHO DO YOU THINK THEY ARE??

Narita is a fucking s h a r k at board games.

Is the reigning champion of every single game. Every. Single. Game

Yachi likes to try and teach the boys how to use a camera.

It helps her share her passion for photography

And for the love of god some of these boys need another hobby.

The only ones who retain what she tells them are the third years and occasionally Tanaka.

Daichi takes KILLER photos dude.

Kiyoko, being the true girl boss she is, loves to surprise the team with treats every now and then.

She’ll bring homemade baked goods, little handmade goodie bags, or will buy the team pizza with her own money before they have a big game.

“Do your best!”

Good ol’ coach Ukai.

He’s ensured that he has crates upon crates of yogurt drinks, Gari-Gari Kun Popsicles and meat buns on every single delivery truck that comes to his store.

His boys make him so happy, why shouldn’t he return the favor?

Takeda takes music requests while he’s driving.

Sometimes the team will bump to banging oldies, courtesy of coach Ukai, throwbacks, courtesy of the third years, or well known songs, courtesy of Kinoshita, because he really really loves leading Karasuno: the musical.

Angsty hcs

Yamaguchi constantly considers quitting the team bc he’s insecure in his progression

Whenever this happens, Tanaka will bring him homemade peanut butter squares, watch Disney movies with him, and talk his ear off about how proud he is.

I like to think they have a lil bond. So like Yams will deadass just send him a sad face, their established code (courtesy of Tanaka), and the second year is already asking Saeko to pack him a bag as he leaps into the kitchen to make peanut butter squares.

“Code Pinch” is what they use, so their parents don’t know of their plans. But the second Tanaka frantically says those words, Saeko drops whatever activity she’s doing without hesitation.

Ennoshita regrets having formerly left the team, because he felt so bad for letting the team down in the past.

Tsukishima is super stoic, as we all know. The only people he confides in are Bokuto and Kuroo.

He knows Yamaguchi has many issues of his own, so he feels it’s unfair for him to dump more on him.

One night during their blocking training, Tsukishima was totally spaced out and the two noticed, so they took him into a little supply room.

They sat in a circle in silence, both resting a hand somewhere on his body (I would say kuroo on the knee, Bokuto on the shoulder), until he finally talked to them about what happened.

They def do a two man hug when beanpole started to cry. And like mans sobbed bc he hadn’t cried in like 10 years.

Bokuto would just sing to them super softly until Tsukki stops crying.

And it just so happened to be his favorite Disney song which only made him cry more

Narita and Kinoshita are called “side pieces” by other teams.

As soon as they got to nationals, someone from an unknown team made a snide comment to Tanaka along the lines of “try not to kill your captain again, buzz cut.”

This absolutely triggered a PTSD episode in Tanaka and flattened his mood.

Our resident bad boy deadass teared up at the thought of it happening to anyone else. (OUCH POOR BABY I LUB HIM SO MUCH WHY HURT HIM EVER)

While Daichi went straight to him to help him, the random dude was faced with two scary teams.

Karasuno, and Nekoma.

Kuroo glares straight into this man’s soul and-

“You say anything like that to him again, and there’ll be stumps where your feet should be. Got it?”

I deadass think that bc of the way they’re drawn that Nishinoya bites his nails.

It’s not even a nerves thing, or a bad habit, it’s a mental thing.

Something tells him he has to do it.

Is so insecure about it, and constantly wishes to wrap his fingers before matches.

Every time Kageyama lashes out at a teammate, he goes home and cries.

And Tsukishima’s snarky ass comments don’t help either

He doesn’t ever want to be king again

Sugawara goes through random depressive episodes.

Like the super bad ones where all you can do is lay in bed for a few days and can’t feel anything but static.

Does he have someone to help him? Most times it’s Daichi, who will just come over and be this mf’s servant.

He will carry Suga if he has to. Mans has to get up and eat, drink and pee.

He does it without hesitation though. He never complains.

When Daichi isn’t there, or he can’t even muster the strength/courage to tell his friend, he goes through it alone and tries his damndest to go through the cycle he does with Daichi.

Sometimes he does it, most times he fails. He only gets relief when Asahi notices he isn’t at practice and immediately races to his house after it’s over.

When Hinata’s adrenaline runs out on the bus, his panic disorder kicks in.

The kid is intimidated by height and power. Literally he has to have panic disorder

He has the type of panic attacks where he can only squeeze his eyes shut and choke as tears leak from his eyes.

He also vibrates really badly, which alerts whoever is sitting behind him about the attack. It’s usually Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

When it happens, Tadashi taps Tsukishima lightly, getting the mid blocker’s attention. He then wordlessly points to Hinata with a sympathetic look.

Tsukki nods and does the same to Kageyama, minus the sympathetic look.

You can see the heartbreak in the setter’s eyes as he somberly nods. He wordlessly places a hand on Hinata’s knee, alerting his presence.

“I’m gonna hug you. I know you can’t reply, but if you don’t want me to, find a way to give me a sign.”

If he can’t stand being touched at that point, Hinata will viciously slap his thigh.

If he can, he doesn’t do anything and lets Kageyama wrap him up and pull him into his lap. He whispers sweet nothing into the bb’s ear.

“Listen to me. Listen to my heartbeat. It’s only us.”

If that doesn’t work, Kageyama holds up a peace sign behind him to alert the two in the seat that he needs help. The two immediately rise to their feet without hesitation or protest.

Tsukishima quiets down the bus entirely and tells the coaches, as Yamaguchi takes Hinata into his lap and sings You Are My Sunshine and A Spoonful off Sugar. (Okay fucking ouch that one hurt more than Tanaka’s.)

Asahi constantly wishes he had a partner, and thinks he doesn’t because he’s unlovable.

He deadass has a playlist called “lonely hearts club”. And one of the songs on there is Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof

Daichi is overwhelmed by everyone coming to him with issues, but he never lets it show.

His coaches are the only ones who check in with him

Absolutely in stitches when it happens, like bb is just so overwhelmed that he cries and cries. Ukai wraps him in a super tight hug as he continuously whispers to him that “it’s all okay.”

Coach Ukai? Yeah he’s in awful debt.

He won’t ever tell the team, or Takeda. He doesn’t want to owe more money, or be seen as incapable of surviving on his own.

Takeda gets burnt out very easily

Ukai actually takes some time to help him grade!!

They put on a calming playlist and work together.

Takeda handles the essay questions and Ukai takes the multiple choice, since he has no fucking idea what he’s looking at.

Yachi really wants to be an actress, but her anxiety completely fucks up her auditions.

Oh yeah the team 100% puts on little skits amongst themselves.

Oh yeah it’s 100% for her

Kiyoko is so afraid of graduating.

She’s worried that she’s going to lose herself without having a group of rambunctious boys to take care of.

She’s also scared she won’t be able to make the same bond with others that she did with the team and the coaches.

DUCKY, MA'AM, YOU REALLY LIVED UP TO YOUR POSITION I—

10/10. 10 out of motherhecking 10.

I THINK I LOST IT AT SUGA'S AND THEN I WAS FULL ON UGLY SOBBING AT KIYOKO'S

i'm going through the whole "shaking, crying" shebang rn...

oh my god ;-;

wait let me be more accurate

tears came at tanaka's

FELT NOYA'S ON A REALLY PERSONAL LEVEL T-T

KAGEYAMA'S WAS T-T

oh my lord

yeah after tanaka's, i definitely lost it ;-;

[monsterfuneral]

monster live reacts to interview with the vampire

Alright I'm about to watch Interview With the Vampire for the first time and I'm gonna live react to it (in one post so I don't blog people's dashboards).

I don't know anything about this movie so :)

A new - Indicates when something new has happened. 

---

- Let me see that fucking scientologist!!!

- WAIT CHRISTIAN SLATER'S IN THIS?! WH-

- I like this *very* dramatic music playing

- ...I don't think I've ever seen Christian in anything other than Heathers so.

- (When Louis turn on the lights) WHY IS HE SO VEINY LMAO.

Okay edward cullen

Ah yes vampire backstory

- Poor guy 😔

- OH SHIT IT'S THE BLONDE BITCH. IS THIS LESTAT??

- Oh shit he's about to get a little sucky sucky... Shit nvm she's dead

OH SHIT WE FLYIN

He's just taking a little swim. Literally how did he survive.

- Oh shit hes back

Just kiss already, fuck dude

- OH. He's a quick little guy, just a little cuddle with my pal

Bleed on his ass. Oh shit he's into it

Oh shit he's turning into a werewolf.

HIS VAMPIRE WHAT. He's got new ass eyes. 

WHAT THE FUCK THE STATUE'S EYES ARE MOVING

- "Coffins are unfortunately a necessity" am I the only one who's like... Totally okay with the idea of sleeping in a coffin or

- Lestat is really pretty 😳

- Oh he's god a nifty little thumb thing, that's very epic of him.

- HE REALLY JUST FUCKING CAUGHT THAY DAMN RAT AND IS NOW EATING IT....

He shook that damn rat out like it was a bottle

- Doggies

READ HER THOUGHTS WHAT

- Oh shit they taking the dogs for walkies

Sir you have lipstick on your nose

NOOOO THE DOGS.

- Oh shit he's mad

LESTAT'S LAUGH LMAO WHAT THE FUCK

- He is fucking hungry. All those chickens gone to waste.

Oh shit

- He's such an asshole omg

OH HE'S MAD

- Oh shit he's giving him the hand. Louis is NOT having Lestat's dramatics right now

- Oh shit THE CRAWFISHNOOOO

Oh shit she's dead. Poor girl :(

- Yes love arson

Lestat is SO DRAMATIC "PERFECT! PERFECT! JUST BURN THE WHOLE PLACE DOWN!" I think that's what he's doing sir.

LMAO "OH SHUT UP LOUIS, COME HERE!" yeah get his ass Lestat

- Oh a cemetery:) this is nice

- Lestat's only moods are: overly dramatic, horny.

Also I absolutely refuse to believe this man is straight

YO THOSE FUCKING CHEEKS ARE *STRAINING* IN THOSE PANTS

- Just me and my big happy vampire family :)

Aww wait okay that's actually kinda cute. Just two dad's spoiling their daughter :) I'm sure nothing bad at all will happen.

LMAOOOOOO "Claudia! Now who will get to finish your dress? A little practicalities, remember, never in your home" AND THE LITTLE HAND SLAPS LMAO. I fucking love him.

AWWW HER LITTLE COFFIN IS SO CUTE

(NOOO MY DRAFT DIDN'T SAVE AND DELETED A FEW THINGS I SAID)

- Anyway, I'm at the part where Claudia is upset over Lestat treating her like a doll. Which I can't blame her, I wouldn't be too pleased about it either if this was how I was treated for the past 30 years.

Oh shit she's throwing the dolls away.

THERE'S SO MANY OMG

Oh shit there's a body on the bed. Lestat is not happy, oh shit he's shaking her around.

LESTAT CALM DOWN DAMN

- Oh shit she's cutting her hair off. You know what you fucking go, stand up for yourself.

It (short hair) actually looks pretty good, we love that for her. 

OH SHIT NVM IT'S BACK SHE IS ANGRY

- I do not blame her at all. Even though she was sick her whole life was still robbed from her, I compl understand the rage, this is an amazing performance.

LESTAT SHUT UP! YOU FUCKING DID THIS DUDE.

OH SHIT SHE'S FUCKING CUTTING HIS ASS

- He just pulled a David line "you will never grow old, and you will never die"

- Louis is such a sweetheart. I love him so much. (I love lestat too he's just a bitch)

- Poor Claudia. She deserved to be happy.

"my love..." 🤢 What.

- Lestat's fucking dramatic piano playing JSWJRKEK

- Lestat is really just Klaus Mikaelson with less rage (maybe)

I feel like she's got a devious little plan.

"we forgive each other then?" He just wants someone to love him man...

OH MY GOD DID SHE JIST DRUG HIM LMAO

OH NO IT'S BC THEY'RE DEAD

OH SHIT!! SHE JUST FUCKING SLIT HIS THROAT! You know even though I love Lestat. I'm proud of Claudia.

"good night, sweet prince" get his ass

- I'm glad she's doing research though, she deserves to know what she is.

- AWW BIRDIES

- Uh oh he god ding dong ditched. 

I'm making a prediction right now: Lestat isn't dead.

choking his ass out fuck. That corpse was dirty as hell but I assume I was right and it was Lestat.

I knew it. He is a little leather bastard now.

- OH SHIT SET HIS ASS ON FIRE

HE'S FLYING WHILE ON FIRE LMAO

Louis you fucking go, king shit.

- Claudia is quite the artist. Shit dude.

They're in paris now :) I have a tiktok for this, will post afterwards.

- I'm so glad they're both happy. I'm sure it totally won't be ruined or anything :)

- Oh shit new Vampire?? Just me and my new pal syncing up

I LEGIT THOUGHT HE WAS ABOUT TO GO THROUGH THE WALL LMAO

OH NVM HE'S JUST DANCING UP IT

- WHO IS THAT 👀 

nvm I don't like him he gives me bad vibes.

- Vampire party?

Just a play nvm.

Oh shit this is fucked up. Hey guys I don't think she's apart of his. 

Nvm she might be idk. (she wasn’t)

YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE A GIF FOR THIS FEEDING SCENE IN THE PLAY

- The dress Claudia is wearing is very pretty though

- THE WAY HE REACTED TO THE OTHER BITE MARKS ON THE KID'S HAND LMAO

- I don't trust this guy.

Oh shit old ass. 400

Oh shit they have what we do in the shadows rules.

- Poor Claudia.

- Oh shit she's going to the doll store 😔

- I AM SHOCKED I JUST REALIZED THIS GUY IS ANTONIO BANDERAS LMAO

Me listening to this guy talk: wait that Antonio Banderas?...

Me: there's no way *starts looking it up*

Me when I look at the cast list, now covering my mouth: ....it's Antonio Banderas....

Louis better not fall for this shit. Claudia needs you dude.

Tbh I wish my nails looked as good as Louis'

- That sidewalk is so fucking skinny man.

- Who's the lady...

Oh shit Claudia 😔 poor thing. She doesn't deserve all this pain.

Oh shit he's gonna do it. 

Oh shit he's doing it. 

OH SHIT HE DID IT.

- Poor Louis 😔 this story is just a "I feel bad for everyone" kinda story huh.

WHAT THE FUCKWHY ARE YOU KISSING HIM HUUUH????? 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

- NOOOO WHAT'S HAPPENING

CLAUDIA NOOO

WHAT IS HAPPENING

This is very not epic of them.

Oh shit are they in like a sun trap or something, like in what we do in the shadows 

DNWKSLSK I WAS RIGHT. I'm a fucking genius.

Oh no 😔 poor Claudia man.

- Oh Armand is actually helping. That's very epic of him. Scared it's 100% too late for Claudia though.

NOOOOOO

Poor Claudia 😔 you'll be missed AND POOR LOUIS THAT WAS HIS ONLY FAMILY >:( angry.

I would say at least Claudia's freed but literally to where... :( I hope she's somewhere happier.

- His eyes are so red omg.

AWW HE'S CRYING

- GET YOUR REVENGE BB

Ooo it was very pleasing to watch that liquid pour down those fancy steps

- YEAH BITCH GET YOUR REVENGE LIGHT THOSE ASSHOLES UP

OH MY GOD???? HE FUCKIN CUT HER HEAD OFF WOOOO. GET THEIR ASSES LOUIS!

This vest on him? Iconic.

OH FUCK JUST CHOPPED THROUGH HIS ASS LIKE NOTHING

YOU GO LOUIS. ICONIC. AMAZING.

- LMAO THE WAY HE THREW HIMSELF INTO THE WINDOW OF THE CARRIAGE

- Oh Louis 😔

- Now he's all alone this is so sad :(

- He’s a movie nerd, understandable.

- He's so pretty

- WAIT OLD DEATH???👀👀👀👀 L-lestat?....

Body in the vines. 

Bats :). 

AAAAAAA I KNEW IT

HE LITERALLY CAN NOT DIE. HOW IS HE ALIVE.

You look a little decrepit my man

"still beautiful Louis" *cries*

THE WAY HE SCOOTS AWAY LMAO

"the more I wanted you" just admit you were in love with him, loser.

"become the old Lestat" well I don't think we need that. Love you though :)

- Mans really just said "but louis I wanna be traumatized too :("

OH SHIT CHOKING HIM ALL THE WAY UP TO THE CEILING

- Oh he's got a nice car though :)

- LESTAT LET HIM GO HE'S DRIVING

HE'S SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN I LOVE HIM

THE END

I really liked it :) a little weird how they made Claudia and Louis’ relationship seem romantic, I didn’t like that, and well some other things too but, you know. 

[nerdsideofthemedia]

Bumblebee was always the plan part 2

It’s time to continue with my controversial posts. When I began writing this, it was intended to be mostly a response to arguments I see around and EF’s. Then my pretty confrontational post that had led to say to a friend “Thankfully no one reads my blog” became much bigger than I ever expected. There’s a good chance I would have gone for a different tone had I known it would get 500x the usual view of… 1, which is usually mine. This been said, it would have been a mistake. Still, I feel like I have to address some points that seem to have confused a few people and this is definitely to do that.

But first, soothing music to prevent knee-jerk reactions.

Let’s start with a claim that was kind of controversial: the suggestion that Blake could still turn out to be a lesbian instead of bi or pan as some claimed this was in itself bi erasure. I understand where this complaint comes from as bisexuality was basically considered to not exist in media, for example, Sex and the City has an episode where all the main characters but Samantha treat it as something alienating and a way to still be in the closet. Yeah, some episodes have not aged well. And I’ve lost count of the number of people that still don’t consider it a thing, even among progressive fandom like Janelle Monae’s and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s (I just gave you 2 bi anthems1). Just so we’re clear, even though I do think Blake is bothsexual (let’s see if someone recognizes that reference), I have to put on table of her being a lesbian as some gay people have dated members of the opposite sex for a very long time, and there’s high probability some of them were abused in said relationships. I can’t ignore those experiences (I suppose I can, but I shouldn’t and hopefully never will).

Black Sun: the ship that didn’t sail

Again, there were a few that didn’t like that I compared BB and BS, which they interpreted as a dick contest. That really wasn’t my goal. I did that because those were the ships involving Blake that had a chance to happen (Catmeleon and Enabling-abuse2 were not on the table) and I was arguing for Bumblebee having been the plan all along (which, to me, implies that Black Sun was meant to be a red herring, though I didn’t flat out say it – sorry, I didn’t think I needed to). The point was to illustrate how there had been hints for Bumblebee.

I argued for that way before volume 6 by pointing out several clues like the dance arc, the songs and the injury. At the time, someone asked me how I could know BB wasn’t the red herring. There are 2 reasons why:

While it’s not lacking in hints and foreshadowing, they are (mostly3) on the subtle side when compared to the very obvious Sun’s crush on Blake;

They’re a LGBTQ+ pairing. There are huge double standards when it comes to LGBTQ+ in comparison to hetero ones – many people will deny the first one until it’s impossible to do so. The point of the bait and switch is to have a little twist and you can’t have that if a significant part of your audience notices the switch, but doesn’t see the bait.

And if you have doubts about the last point, remember: in 6x11, Adam attacked Yang out of jealousy, then Blake held her hand while making a speech that put them as equal in contrast to Blake-Adam, a relationship where one of them constantly tried to make the other feel small (the point of the infamous speech). There were many denying BB. Then, he tried to make Yang feel insecure about Blake by telling her she had made the same promise to him and asked the super platonic question: “What does she even see in you?” and people still tried to deny it. In the last episode, Blake and Yang spent the time holding each other’s hands and yet, there were still people denying it. Not that I’m complaining, since it only increased my celebration time. It was like: episode 6x11, “yeah! Bees” for 3 days, the internet crashed my party for one, then 6x12, “yeah! Bees! This time is for sure” for another 3 days, again I had my enthusiasm dashed and finally, “yeah! Bees”. That time it stuck. So thanks guys! It would have been bad if by 6x13 I had already used all my fireworks.

If you thought BS was going to happen – that’s normal, because it was the bait. If I am aware that people tend to think of others as straight until proven otherwise, why do you think the writers aren’t? I may not live in the same country as them, but I still consume a lot of USA’s media and I know that if guy stalks girl, he usually gets her. Not to mention, the number of times media announces a LGBTQ+ character as tactic to gain some support yet deliver nothing, like saying Dumbledore is gay even though there’s nothing in the films or books indicating it (let’s leave the conversation about the “word of God” for some other time). There were more than a few LGBTQ+ people who were afraid Bumblebee would turn out to be just that: queerbaiting.

Miles and Kerry knew all of that and, more importantly, they were aware that you knew it too, so they played on your assumptions to make their bait-and-switch. However, there were plenty of hints that Sun was just the red herring and that Bumblebee was going to happen. Last time, I focused on the latter, this time let’s concentrate on the first. Let’s take a look at Sun and Blake’s relationship, shall we?

Sun was introduced in the last episodes of V1 and Blake trusted him immediately, because… he’s a Faunus. Though she told him about herself and the White Fang, he showed immediately he’s not on the same page as her as Faunus rights mean a lot to her and little to nothing to him. In 2x01, Sun talks to Neptune about Blake and concluded “and the best part is she’s a Faunus”, which goes completely against Blake’s words in the next episode “I want people to see me for who I am, not what I am”. She began going on a downward spiral to which he reacts with “Is she being all Blake-y?”, while Yang’s the one who gets through to her by exposing her own vulnerability.

Sun not fully understanding Blake is something the show hammers in our heads quite a few times even in more recent volumes. Like when he assumed she’s on her way to fight the White Fang when she was actually going to Menagerie to rest. Or suggested destroying the WF while Blake wanted to take it back.

In volume 3, they had literally no interactions besides him winking at her in the Vytal Festival – yes, she blushed, which can be explained by the fact that he did it in front of an entire stadium or that she had a crush on him. Personally, I’m inclined to the latter, but it really doesn’t mean much: not all crushes lead to something. A lot of them are a result of idealization and I think that was the case for Blake. By the way, I have to speak of Blake’s crush as likely, not certain precisely because it was never actually confirmed.

When Yang asked Weiss where Blake and Ruby were, Sun was there, yet it was Yang alone who went after Blake. The next time we saw him, it’s after their injuries and he is noticing an injured Blake grabbing Yang’s hand.

No, this shot doesn’t exist to show Sun seeing Blake injured, because he already knew that. He had just told Ruby that Yang was going to be OK, and the one who brought her there was Blake. Not to mention that if the point was to make him notice Blake’s injuries, it makes no sense for their hands to appear. Yang would have been kept out of the frame, instead of taking up more space than Blake. To me, this is the moment where Sun realizes Blake’s feelings for Yang. If the intention was for him to notice Blake’s injured, it would have made much more sense to see his face, then cut to her. Yes, they could have done the same with their hands, but this way they left it more ambiguous which was probably the intention. It would have made no sense for them to choose that if it was meant for Black Sun, because the audience was more than aware he was interested in Blake. We had been since V1 as there was never anything subtle about their relationship.

In volume 4, he flirts, Blake is usually either apathetic or downright annoyed. The exception is after the injury, and like I said, he’s the one who brings up Yang, revealing he realizes the bond between them. He is also hurt by the chick whose feelings weren’t reciprocated (I talked about that at length in part 1). In volume 5, their relationship is platonic.

Really, in spite of spending the volumes 4 and 5 together, it’s not about developing Black Sun in a romantic way.

Oh, a kiss on the cheek isn't romantic. It can be, but in the context, it was merely a "thank you".

Black Sun hasn’t sunk yet

While RWBY isn’t over, the possibility for Black Sun isn’t completely gone, though I don’t think I’m lying when I say it’s unlikely. You can like it more than Bumblebee, but it’s all right to admit it’s improbable. We (almost) all have been there. For crying out loud, in MHA, I sort of ship Kacchako4 (loses 2/3 of her readers – and that’s why this piece of trivia was originally intended to appear much later).

After everything he’s done for her (that she didn’t ask for)

This is usually phrased in a disgusting way.

There is a lot to unpack here.

First, it’s ridiculous to think you can be owed love/getting into someone’s panties. You can’t. People either love you/want to do you, or they don’t. If you want to do something for someone else, great, but do it because you want to and like (not necessarily in a romantic way) said person or because you’re altruistic – don’t expect a reward. This is what you sound like to us:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWFfrQtHag0

You wanted the guy to get the girl, fine. You know you can watch that in almost everything else, right?

Second, it’s idiotic to associate getting the girl with masculinity or not getting her with being “cucked”. If your notion of being a man is tied to getting someone else, that’s on you. If you need someone else to feel good about yourself, maybe you have some underlying issues to address (another reference to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – watch the show, especially if you’re making comments like the one I showed: you need it. I feel like the narrator in “S.O.B.s”).

Third, even by the logic of “after everything I’ve done for you”, Sun doesn’t win, because Yang paid a much bigger price: she lost an arm and had PTSD while he had a minor injury from which he had basically recovered by the next episode. This isn’t a “Yang deserves her” either – that argument is nonsensical no matter the pairing being defended, I’m just pointing out that it doesn’t even favor BS.

By the way, I noticed that a few people completely missed the point of why I compared Yang’s injury to Sun’s and think I did it to indicate Yang deserves it more or to win (?). It’s a bit confusing because I flat out say why I made the comparison, but here it goes again: it’s not to say Yang deserves Blake, but to indicate that, in fiction, we usually associate romance with higher stakes. I literally wrote:

“I think Yang’s and Sun’s injuries are everything I should need to prove the likelihood of BB as they contrast the two main Blake ships: Bumblebee and Black Sun. While heroes tend to save many people who are indeed just friends or sometimes not even that, there’s a reason why Superman and Spiderman usually include Lois Lane and MJ (or whoever the love interest is in said film) in the climax – it makes it more personal, raising the stakes. From this perspective, it’s easy to understand the importance given to either by comparing: what the injury was, who caused it, why and Blake’s reaction, thus allowing to conclude which couple was given more weight.”

“[…] point Bumblebee as the first one is more associated with romance.”

That was me explaining what the points were as well as why I was comparing the 2.

And yes, paying attention to dramatic weight is completely valid, we are talking about fiction after all. It’s not like we accidentally walked in on a guy threatening a gal and saying “I’ll destroy everything you love… starting with her” as another woman appeared in real life. Things happened the way they did because writers (editors, directors, etc.) wanted them to. 

Don’t pretend you didn’t know that it’s relevant that the one who caused Yang’s injury was Adam, Blake’s ex-boyfriend, while Sun’s was caused by Ilia, the friend whose feelings weren’t reciprocated, and that it doesn’t say anything about the links Adam-Yang and Sun-Ilia. I lost count of the number of BSers who wanted Sun to fight Adam and wanted him to be the one taking Adam down (even though it got in the way of Yang’s closure), which shows many of you were perfectly aware of the importance of said connection.

As for the dyke representation… (the fact that they phrased it that way is very telling) if it was just that, then any lesbian couple would do. RWBY is about 4 female characters. Seriously, how come people never ask themselves why this one is so popular, even though Yang and Blake aren't the most popular characters? From what I've seen, Weiss and Yang are.

The claims of “pandering” and “SJW” have been raining for a while and I expect them to continue until they realize CRWBY can’t be bullied into erasing BB. Count on that to happen whenever a show reveals a main character is LGBTQ+ mid-series (unless it’s a particularly progressive show). If your reaction to seeing LGBTQ+ characters is to call it “pandering”, it says a lot about you, none of it good.

I know that we perceive straight white male as default. This is so entrenched in our culture that the first Transformers didn’t have any female transformers because the writers thought it would require an explanation. Yup, apparently you need an explanation to include half of the world’s population.

I suppose screaming “pandering” is better than to pull an EF and say “Bumblebee was and is the safest LGBTQ ship they could have done. Lesbian couples are the safest representation a show can make […] It’s more comfortable to see woman on woman action just because of how fantasized they are”, which:

doesn’t justify why BB is the safest LGBTQ+ couple as there are a ton of lesbian couples possible (White Rose, Checkmate/Monochrome, Freezerburn, etc.);

fails to consider the high number of LGBTQ+ women in RWBY when compared to LGBTQ+ men probably has something to do with the fact it has more female characters;

when did we see woman on woman action in RWBY? How did I miss that episode?

if lesbians are so appealing to straight men, how come they’re the ones whining the most about BB?

The whole straight-men-like-lesbians while being the ones complaining about them is particularly odd to me. It doesn’t sound like they like they are spending their time wrapped up in sexual fantasies. Maybe they are and can't stop. And that's why they don't like Bumblebee anymore... Poor things... But really, it just sounds like they need some kind of… safe space.

You can tell them not to worry. They still have most shows/books/films. And for the next 2-4 decades, they'll be able to count on Disney (taking shots at it since my very first post).

As usual, the original.

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

1 “Make me Feel” can also be taken as a pan anthem as Janelle as identifies as such (and I think she’s OK with being called bi too).

2 Enabling Abuse is what I call AdamxBlake.

3 I still consider “Burning the Candle”, V3 finale and the ship named “Pride” to be pretty obvious.

4 Not only are the odds against Kacchako (BakugoxUraraka), the shippers are considered villains who worship chaos, which is fine by me. I can’t say some part of me doesn’t enjoy being The Dark Knight’s Joker and that part is saying: “Tell me Batman, how does it feel to be the hero of a film that everyone watches for its villains?”

[mrcoltkaneko]

the debts of the gods are yours to keep (RoD)

a/n: I’m... really fucking proud of this one. I started this as a wild inspiration behind Colt’s backstory, writing at full-speed, and then got *major* writer’s block. I left the doc hanging on my desktop for a while, and I don’t know. I got major inspiration today and finished it. Fair warning, it’s not written in Choices-style, and reads more like snapshots throughout his life but I hope I did my best bb justice. Maybe I’ll write some actual romance, but for now, character study is where I live. CC is always welcome, and I hope you enjoy :)

pairings: Colt-centric, but some light Colt x MC + Logan x MC with Colt/Mona and Colt/Kaneko interactions

summary: Colt can’t tell when he stopped caring about his father. (Somewhere, deep in his heart, he knows that’s not true.)

rating: ehhhhh PG-13 for swearing but honest to god I had a sailor’s mouth when I was like 10 so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

length: 4612 words

The summer before his seventeenth birthday, Colt found his first love.

A 1989 Yamaha FZR-1000 – one of the first four-stroke sportbikes. He’d bartered for it at the local motor shop, offering $2000 and to fix up cars for an entire summer.

“You got your motorcycle license?”

“No.”

The old man narrowed his eyes. “You’ve ever been on one of these before?”

“Once.”

He harrumphed. “No deal.”

“You’re serious?”

“You seriously looking to get arrested, kid?”

“You can’t get arrested unless you get caught, Dale.”  

For a second, the old man looked as if he was going to explode of anger. Then, he began to guffaw, the corners of his eyes crinkling like shiny little candy wrappers. “Fine. Entire summer. I expect you to be here, every day, you hear me? And I give you the bike after.”

“That wasn’t the deal –“

“That’s the deal I’m offering. Like I said, you can’t take this girl anywhere until you’re legal to drive it. Take it or leave it.”

Colt crossed his arms. “Fine.”

It wasn’t his ideal summer, but working at Dale’s shop beat working for his own father. He’d put on rock music from the 70’s and whistle along. He had regular customers coming in, charmed by his good nature and fair prices. Instead of throwing Colt onto his ass whenever he did something wrong, he’d patiently take the tool from his hand, lie back on the creeper, and would show him how to do it properly. It’d been a nice few weeks, one without trouble or disappointment or boredom.

“Where were you today?” It was the first thing his father said to him when Colt got back to the auto shop. He was sitting in the back room, eating a cup of yogurt. “I thought you were going to work for me over the summer.”

Colt opened up the fridge and pushed the milk aside. He snorted. “And do what – draw up price estimates for people and do paperwork? No thanks.”

“Colt, you made a promise, and I intend that you keep it –“

“Yeah, well, I don’t remember making that promise. Sounds like you and mom decided what would be best for me. As always.” He reached for the back and pulled out a Coke.

“And your driving lessons?”

He took a sip of his drink. “I passed.”

“You took the test already?” Colt tried to figure out if his father sounded upset. He decided that he didn’t.

“Yeah. Guess those driving lessons you gave me really paid off, huh?” Every year, since he turned fourteen, his father had promised him to take him out driving. He’d taken him out twice. Somewhere along those years, Colt decided that he didn’t care much about driving anymore. His father didn’t let him touch the cars, anyways, so what was the use?

“And I told you, I’m busy with the business here and –“

“Business? Yeah, keep on acting like I don’t know what’s going on here. You think I don’t know that you jack cars and sell them off to rich fucks with money to spare? You honestly think that you could keep this from me forever? You think you can just fix this by spending the bare minimum of time with me? Well you know what I say to that? Fuck. You.”

A tense pause blanketed the room. His father’s face darkened.

“Get out.”

It was strange, hearing those words coming from his father. His face was red and enraged, and Colt turned around to leave. “Yeah, I was about to leave anyways. Don’t bother calling mom to tell her what happened.” The door to the office slammed. He spun around on his heels, ready to stomp out, but someone was standing in the doorway.  

“Well, he-llo, Mr. PMS.” Mona stood by, leaning against the doorframe. He’d met her once or twice. She’d appeared one day in the shop, a couple summers ago, her face haunted with something wicked. It was the first time he saw her. And it was the last time he saw that expression on her face again.  

“Fuck off, Mona.” He pushed past her.

“God, I’m joking. Ass.”

“Yeah, well for it to be a joke, it had to be funny.”

“Seriously, kid? Where the hell is your sense of humor?” Mona rolled her eyes. “Come on. I’m done for the day. I’ll grab a couple beers and we’ll drink in the courtyard. Tell me about all your hormonal, teenage problems you’re dealing with.” She walked alongside him, grinning.

The “courtyard” was a makeshift junkyard for the auto shop. Whatever grass left planted was yellowed and rough from the sun beating down on the space. A decrepit chain-link fence encircled the area, rusted from years of weather.

“Christ, I don’t think I could ever get used to the summers here.” Mona fanned herself, taking a swig of her Budweiser.

Colt shrugged, sipping at his own drink. “Where are you from?”

“The Bronx. New Yohh-wk,” she said, exaggerating an accent. “Left when I was a little bit older than you are now. What are you, like fifteen?”

He sat up straighter and puffed out his chest. “Almost seventeen.”

“So around the same then. Been here ever since.” She finished her can and tossed it into a pile of junk.

“Why do you work for him?”

Mona paused. “What do you mean why?”

“I mean, what do you see in him? He’s a goddamn asshole.”

“That’s not how things work around here, kiddo.”

“You mean in the crime world.”

Mona chuckled. “Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.”

“So tell me how it works then. Because every time I walk into this goddamn shop my dad’s on my ass about something different. I know all of you think I’ve got it easy being the boss’s son and all, but he’s never treated me more than just some punk kid ready to get in the way.”

She stared at him, taking a long sip from her can. “Heard you bought a bike from Dale.”

“Yeah. And?”

“What, the old geezer strike you a deal or something?”

“Two-thousand.” Colt paused, gauging Mona’s reaction. “And I’m working at his shop for the summer.”

“Where’s the bike?”

“He says I’ve got to work it off first. What does this have to with anything?”

“Same thing.” She downed her beer and threw the can across the way again. “You’ve gotta pay before you get your bike. Except in my case, your father here gave me my gift first.”

“What was it?”

Mona paused, and looked over at him. He thought he saw that expression again, flitting across her eyes. “My freedom.”

Before Colt could answer, Toby swung open the back door, covered head to toe in car grease.

“Hey! No fair! You guys are drinking without me?” He grabbed a beer from the 24-pack and cracked it open. Mona snatched it from him.

“Yeah, well maybe you should have thought about how fair it was to drink all of my Red Bulls right before my job last week.”

“What? I didn’t know they were yours!” “What’s going on out here?” Ximena called, sticking her head out the door.

“Nothing, aside from the fact that Toby thinks he can just constantly take shit from me –“

“I paid you back!”

“Yeah, if you count adding dumb mods to my car repaying me. “

“It’s a cooler! Now you don’t have to store your Red Bulls in the communal fridge!”

In the midst of the commotion, Colt slipped out. The bus ride home was packed, the idle chatter of different languages humming underneath his thoughts. He watched the auto shop fade away into the distance, like a balloon, floating high into the sky.

****

He doesn’t understand her. Or him, for that matter. They walked around the sideshow, looking at each other with googly eyes and at him with daggers, like he’d done something to ruin their lives.

As if. He’d met them like, what, an hour ago? And soon after that, Dale had gently told him that the smirking kid in the t-shirt was his replacement. Logan, no last name. He snorted at that.

“Him? He couldn’t outdrive the girl he’s pulling around.”

Dale shook his head. “Everyone’s saying he’s the new hotshot driver that Kaneko’s been training. Came around a year ago, I s’pose. Don’t know anything else ‘bout him. Anyways, how’s school on the East Coast?”

Before Colt could answer, shouts filled the air. He rode his way around the crowd, finding the center of the commotion. Salazar. The man towered over Logan, an assured smirk plastered onto his face. Logan’s girl stood by, equal parts indignant and terrified at the events unfolding in front of her.

“Seems your boyfriend’s looking to add insult to injury.”

The girl whipped her head around scowling at his comment. “Whoever you are, this is none of your business.” She turned back around, watching as Logan popped the hood off of the…

Aylesbury. How many times had he seen his father drive off in that car, the deep green hunk of metal rumbling down the street? And how many times had his father slapped his hand away for even touching the side mirror?

And here the boy was, keys dangling from his back pocket as he fiddled around with the engine. He wasn’t going to. He couldn’t – not if Colt could help it.

“That car… he’s wagering it on the race?”

“I think it’s totally crazy… but yeah.”

“Then it just became my business.” He could feel the girl’s eyes on his back as he negotiated his way into the race. His heart pounded. Heat radiated from the inside of his helmet. There was no turning back now. This was his race to win.

****

“You could have gotten killed.”

Colt scoffed and slumped into the plastic seat by the office door, taking in his surroundings. His father paced the space behind his desk. Papers were strewn everywhere – on the ground, on the desk, and tacked up on the walls. By the furthest corner was a small pile of trash, mostly filled by yogurt cups and takeout containers, overfilling the wastepaper basket.

“Looks like you’re doing real well here.” His father glared at him. Colt groaned. “Ohhh, I see. We’re going to pretend to care for each other now. Well, guess what? In all my generosity, I won your fucking car back for you. Not him.”

“You’re careless. You don’t think. And you expect me to thank you?”

“No. I expect that we’re even now.”

His father stopped pacing. “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand! You’ve shut me out of this life – your life – for so long. And then you bring in some pretty boy to do your bidding, praise him for almost wrecking your car –“

“Listen here, boy, do not pretend to understand my relationship with them.” He pointed out the door, lowering his voice an octave. “I’ve told you time and time again that you’re not going to get involved with this crew.”

“Why not? You scared, Pop? Terrified that your own son will take the throne?”

“No. Because you’re weak.”

The words cut, like crawling naked on fine shards of glass. But he balled his hands into fists and bit his lip. “You need me. I’m staying. Whether you like it or not.”

After a long pause, his father finally answered. “Fine. But you’re working the desk. No questions.” And with that, he pushed open the door, ready to tell everyone the news.

Colt un-balled his fists. There, on his palm, were eight little crescent indents filled with blood.

****

“Where is he?”

The voice called out, above him somewhere, the words hanging in between the clinks of metal and occasional drilling. It half scared him, having gotten used to the loud humming of the shop. The noise was calming; almost white noise, with no expectation of conversation or small talk. It was why he hated the front desk. The crackheads, reeking of old sweat and smoke, trying to barter their way out of paying for the work on their jalopies. The lost LA moms, waiting for their SUVs, their sparkly designer sunglasses parked on top of their heads. Every few seconds, they’d touch them, as if he was going to snatch them and run.

Colt slid out from under the car. “What?” He snapped.

She looked mildly surprised to see him. “Oh. I thought you were only supposed to work the desk.”

“Toby left for some sideshow in Arcadia. Are we done here?”

“Logan. Do you know where he is?”

Colt snorted. “No.” He slid back to the undercarriage, hoping she’d take the hint.

Instead, she crouched down. “Come on, I know you’re here all day, you probably saw him leave.”

He slid out and threw his gloves onto the ground. He walked into the back room. She followed, right on his heels. “If you’re half as smart as I think you are, you should probably stay away from him.”

“I – What did he even do to you?” She crossed her arms, her expression darkening. “Or me, for that matter?”

“It only takes an idiot to see that you don’t fit in here.”

“Oh, so, what, this is middle school now? You’ve got a clique, and I’m not allowed because I’m not cool enough?” She narrowed her eyes. “You don’t even know me!” Her eyes were fiery now, defiant. It gave him a jump in his stomach. His fingers tingled.

“I might not know you, but I know your type.”

“Try me.”

“Let me guess, 4.0 GPA, Daddy’s Princess, and broke curfew once because you stayed late at the library? You’re the teacher’s pet, so everyone pretty much hates you, and let’s see – a virgin?”

He could see her steaming at the last comment, and he laughed. “Did I really get all of that right?” He shook his head. “I’m good, but I’m never that good.”

“You’re a coward.”

“What?”

She stepped forward, closing the distance between them. Her eyes were all fire, the flames licking up whatever oxygen was left in the room. “You’re a coward. You think you’ll never measure up to anyone; not Logan, not your dad, not a single person out there. So you stopped trying a long time ago because you think that disappointing anyone, especially yourself, is worse than the chance at succeeding – and guess what? You’re right. You’ll never succeed. Because as soon as you get that slightest taste at victory, you get an ego, you think you’re invincible – and you’ll fall, right back down with all of us that work the daily grind.”

She was close now, her eyes barely an inch away from his nose. This is the part where you kiss her, his mind shouted, but he silenced the thought as soon as it blared out. A ridiculous suggestion, Colt thought, pampered by stupid movies and TV shows. He opened his mouth, ready to retort, but someone called out her name.

“Logan!” Her voice rose an octave, peppered with excitement.

Colt shoved his hands into his pockets as she floated away from him. He pretended to avert his eyes from them, sneaking glances at them from his periphery.

There was something wrong with this picture. He was going to find out what.

****

Who knew she was so dangerous? Even more dangerous than his own father. After all, they only targeted the wealthy, fingers well-oiled and fat off their own gluttony. Her father? As much as the cop thought he was keeping the streets clean, he picked up good, honest people in some dire times as much as he did the trigger-happy gunslingers, the greedy dope sellers. He’d seen the stories in the papers. Colt knew some of them, the ones that were swept away behind bars. Always labeled with their race, their age, their poison of choice. Black, 28, robbery. White, 35, aggravated assault.

In the back of his mind, Colt wondered when he’d see his father in those listings. His habits and idiosyncrasies erased, his identity reduced to the corporeal.

She doesn’t know what a deadly game this is. For him, for his father, for Mona, for Toby, for Ximena. For Logan. For her. His father’s voice boomed in his head. The cops don’t owe you. You owe the cops.

****

“I know how you feel.”

“Huh?”

“My mom was sick.”

“It’s different.”

“It’s not different. We’d had a fight the night before, about something stupid, like cleaning up my stuff or not finishing my homework or something. I stormed out the morning after without saying goodbye. And… and – she collapsed while at was school. And when I found out, I thought it was my fault that she was there, that I somehow willed her to get sick. So every night, I’d pray to something out there, a God, or maybe a star, that if she lived, I’d promise to be the best daughter ever.”

“And here you are.”  

“She died a month later.”

“And the promise wasn’t kept.”

“My point is, it’s not too late for you. He’s in there. He cares about you.”

She reached out her hand. Colt gently took it. Her palms were soft, her knuckles smooth.

If the cop’s daughter was the end of him, so be it.

****

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Mona groaned.

She sounded more annoyed than worried, which relieved Colt. If he could show her how airtight the plan was, she’d agree.

“Not a big deal for me,” Salazar grunted.

“Your ex-wife’s kid doesn’t count.” Mona rolled her eyes and Salazar deflated, grumpy that she’d revealed his secret. “Why are we listening to him, anyways?” She leaned on the desk, towering over Kaneko, as if she could pull the answer from the man’s mouth herself.

“I’m not a kid anymore – “

“We’re talking about kidnapping. A fucking member of The Brotherhood.”

“About 3800 pounds lighter than stealing a car.”

She gave Colt a dirty look. “This isn’t the time for one of your wisecracks. Boss, you do realize that this is a dumb plan, right? We kidnap the guy, hold him for ransom, and then what? Have the fucking Brotherhood come after our necks with chainsaws?”

“Yeah, what’s in it for me, huh? Sounds like this is a whole lotta trouble for a couple thousand bucks.”

Everyone began to argue, but Kaneko held up a hand, shutting the three up. He cleared his throat. “Have you ever heard the story of The Hare and The Lion?”

Colt furrowed his brow. Mona rolled her eyes. “It’s official, the old man’s lost it.” “So I take it you haven’t.”

Salazar slammed his hand on the desk. “You better be going somewhere with this.” Kaneko gave him an imperceptible nod, barely flinching at the noise.

“Once upon a time, a lion ruled the jungle. The lion was very cruel, and every day, he demanded that an animal from the jungle be delivered to him, so he could devour it.

“One day, the hare was picked for the lion’s daily meal. Of course, the poor hare didn’t want to be eaten at all. So the hare, full of wit, presented himself to the lion and told the beast that on the way, he’d met another lion that claimed to be the King of the Jungle.

“The lion, very angry that another animal dare take his title from him, asked the hare where this other lion was. The hare led him to a well, claiming the lion was down there waiting for him.

“The lion looked down and roared, intending to scare the other animal into subservience. But of course, the lion was not very smart and mistook his reflection as another lion calling back at him. Furious with this imposter, he jumped into the well to attack the lion, and he drowned. And the hare ran off to tell the other animals of the jungle, free at last.”

Kaneko knitted his fingers together and placed them on the desk. “Well? What do you think?”

Mona glared. “I think if you’re not going to tell me what this goddamn nonsense means, I’m out.” Salazar nodded, in rare agreement with the other.

“What I’m saying is that we pretend to scratch their backs.” Colt pulled up the picture of the contact. “We tell them that there’s another enemy, a traitor in their ranks. We kidnap him, and offer him up to the fuckers.”

Mona widened her eyes, and smirked. “We give them their own fake lion.”

“They’ll be so wrapped up in dealing with him that they won’t see us coming. We’ll get them out of our way, for good. We’ll be arranging the pick-up…” He pulled up the picture of the stadium on his phone and showed it to Mona and Salazar. “…Here. The shithead’s a huge fan of the Badgers. It’s why we need you, Sal.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Colt caught a glimpse of his father smile. The first, he thought, in seven years.  

“And what about the others? Toby, Ximena, the girl… Logan?” Colt knew why she asked. After all, he’d been in on it up until this point. Up until he got tangled in her lips and her hair and that sunshine smile and… Colt swallowed. He shook the thought of her from his mind.

A slow pause filled the air. Finally, Kaneko answered. “He won’t understand. He’s weak with love. He won’t risk putting her in danger.”

No, he wouldn’t.

****

Pop… please… you can’t leave me.

Go, Colt. Go, and don’t look back.

**** He’d been on the cusp of twelve years – almost twelve revolutions around the sun, as his father liked to say. He’d grown a half-a-foot in the past summer, his legs long and spindly, like a baby doe. Sometimes he spent his time playing driveway basketball with the neighborhood kids – well, only if they’d let him. Most of the time, he sat on the curb, steaming as the kids called him “half-breed” and “slant-eyes” all while participating in a game of keep-away, six little demons against himself. So he’d sit on his front stoop and adjust the laces on his Air Force 1’s, trying to make room for his ever-growing feet. Occasionally he’d walk to the mini-mart and pilfer candy from the aisles. Last time though, the shop owner caught him pocketing a peppermint, and threatened to call his parents. Colt didn’t care. His parents never listened to him much these days. His mother would cry while his father would drive off, almost always with a knapsack and silent ruffle of Colt’s head. Moonlight would bounce off the shining silver rims of the car and Colt would watch until it was a tiny speck of green, floating on the edge of the horizon, the cries of the engine lasting far longer than his young eyes could see.

But his father always came back. Always.

Sometimes with a gift – a shiny new Hot Wheels that mirrored his father’s latest ride and half-wilted supermarket flowers for his mother. A sorry gift from a sorry man, Colt thought now, but at the time, it was the most romantic gesture he’d ever seen. The carnations would sit in a plastic thermos filled to the brim with lukewarm water, and he’d count the days down. By the time all the petals gathered around the makeshift vase, there would be another incident.

It’d been a good streak this time around. No incidents. The petals on the last bunch of flowers had long been swept up, leaving the shriveled stems in the vase like long, fragile pieces of straw. Colt hoped this time it’d be different, with his birthday in a week, and the arid LA heat withering to make room for cooler breezes. He imagined he’d ask for new shoes. He’d blow out number candles from a chocolate cake.

And different was what he’d got. Three days before his twelfth birthday, Colt jolted awake from the familiar sound of the engine. The sky was dark gray, hinting at the sun’s imminent arrival. He’s leaving, Colt thought. Without saying goodbye. Pulling the covers off his bed, he tiptoed down the stairs and burst through the door.  

“Hey!” His shout barely rose over the engine’s hum. “Wait!”

His father peered over from the driver’s seat window. He sighed and turned off the engine. “Colt, you should be asleep.”

“I want to go with you,” Colt replied breathlessly. “Please.”

Colt looked for a hint of give in his father’s face. There wasn’t any. His face remained stoic, like always. “All right. Hop on up.”

Colt stepped into the car, the fuzzy car mat tickling the soles of his feet. His father turned the keys in the ignition and backed out of the driveway. Colt looked out his window, watching his little house until it turned into a speck of dust. He turned back around, looking over at his father.  

“Where are we going?”

There was a pause. “Where do you want to go?”

Colt thought for a second. “In-N-Out.” His father laughed.

Soon, Colt was dangling his legs off the cliff, chowing down on a Double-Double Cheeseburger and dipping his French fries into a strawberry shake. He looked down as he ate, watching the waves slurp up the side of the precipice. Further into the horizon, the water rocked, reflecting rivulets of the orange sky in between the blue. There they sat, completely silent. He remembered the times when his father would push him off the cliff, rambling about courage and honor and bravery in the face of danger. And he’d fall, fall, fall, his father’s words lost in between the roaring folds of water.

“Colt.”

“MMmreah?” He mumbled, mouth full of burger.

“When – when I was your age, my father didn’t give me a choice.” His voice cracked, and his usually serious tone was tinged with a hint of sadness.

Colt furrowed his eyebrows. He’d never heard his father stutter, and it made him nervous. “Whaddya mean, Pop?”

“He told me that in this country, we would never be seen as equals. So we had to take the power for ourselves. That to make a name for yourself, you had to yell it louder than anyone else.”

Colt thought of the kids down the block, who called him names and didn’t let him play basketball.

“Your grandfather was a great man. I strive to be as fearless as he was. But I’ve done some things in my life that I’m ashamed of.”

All he could think of was the kid’s face, bloodied and bruised. He’d called him a “dirty half-breed bastard”. Colt had pummeled the kid’s pudgy face, fat from a steady diet of Twinkies and Butterfingers he’d seen him munching. He could recall how soft his face was against his own knuckles. He remembered how he didn’t feel any pain, not for a while, not until two hands wrestled him off of the boy. He’d ran back to his stoop and cried, his right knuckles stained blood-red.

“You’ll be better off this way. I’m a better man than your grandfather was, and I know you’ll be a better one than me.”

The brightening sky cast a golden halo on his father’s face, and the water sparkled with the brilliance of a thousand diamonds.

“Someday, you will thank me.”  

His father rose and walked back to the car, and beckoned for Colt to get up. Grabbing the bag of food, he followed, and his father accelerated away from the cliff. Colt gazed at the fiery ocean, the distant sounds of the Pacific lulling him back to sleep.

****

[summerseachild]

Summersea’s GoT Season 6 Tumblr Spoiled First Time Watch 2019: Part 1

So I was going to rename this a “hatewatch” now that I’ve gotten to a whole season I hadn’t seen before, but let’s be honest. If you’ve seen me reblogging things from later seasons, it was never going to be that. There are things that I knew I was going to enjoy VERY MUCH, and I wasn’t wrong. There were also things that, if I let them, would have had me frothing a the mouth in rage. 

But then I reminded myself that I’m vacationing in Castle Not Giving a Shit while I watch the back half of the show, and things were much better after that. I’ve mostly left my in the moment reaction except where I’d had too much wine to be coherent.

Season 6

Hot on the heels of season 5 i still have a third of a bottle of Chardonnay left let’s DO THIS

6x01

1. Lol it’s still in the credits so they continue to pretend like they care about Dorne????

2. Ghost howling 😢😢😢

3. So Davos went straight from staning one dour person to another... he has a type.

4. Some dude in the night’s watch re Melisandre: who’s she? Davos: oh just some lady Who spat a shadow out of her vag once LETS TRUST HER

5. Wow Olly aged a lot over the past five minutes since he killed Jon!

6. Edd please don’t die here. I don’t remember how you go but don’t let it be here

7. Boo hoo poor little psychopath lost his gf. No one cares, Ramsay. Myranda deserved what she got AND SO WILL YOU

8. My soul left my body like three times during that chase scene where Theon and Sansa are running from the Bolton men. POOR COLD BBS

9. That hug where they’re just CLINGING TO EACH OTHER THIS SHOULD NOT MAKE ME SHIP IT BUT HERE WE ARE

10. THEON SHOWING HIMSELF TO TRY TO KEEP HER SAFE I CANNOT HE KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS IF THEY CATCH HIM AND HE DOES IT ANYWAY SO SHE MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE 

11. IT’S BRIENNE OF MF-ING TARTH OMG YAY

12. Also go Theon killing that dude

13. UGH THE SWEARING FEALTY SCENE WITH SANSA AND BRIENNE AND ALL OF THEIR FACES AND SANSA LOOKING TO THEON BEFORE ACCEPTING AND POD REMINDING HER OF THE WORDS IT IS PERFECT 

14. Give me the AU where Theon lives and stays at Winterfell because he wants to be near her and they understand each other and Brienne is in her Queensgiard I AM NOT ASKING MUCH

15. Meanwhile in other trauma hi Cersei

16. UGH LOOK HOW SHE RUNS ACROSS THE COURTYARD TO SEE HER DAUGHTER

17. So... that scene with Jaime and Cersei where they talked about seeing Joanna’s dead body and she... Doesn’t blame him??? For Myrcella? Like I thought she would??? And she tells him about the prophecy??? And they hug??? Yeah that’s in contention for my fav Lannister twin scene ever? Top five at the very least. (And another member of the “Jaime writes his siblings’ dialogue” club.)

18. For all of his false kindness and gentleness the High Sparrow is just as bad as any of them, and When I’m not seething with anger I can appreciate how nuanced Jonathan Pryce’s performance is.

19. Wtf Ellaria and Tyene murdering Doran.

20. OMG TRYSTANE and I call Sand Snake Character Assassination here they are just SO BITCHY and without honor and the Dorneish are SO HONOR OBSESSED ugh why I hate it Also was that Myrcellas ship? Are there two bitchy Sand snakes just chilling in king’s landing now?? 

21. Tyrion and Varys among the people is kind of fascinating. Also what’s up with that Red Priest? Another who thinks the lord of light chose Dany?

22. Oh no the ships... Varys and Tyrion running TOWARD trouble says a lot about them.

23. Did the showrunners... forget Jorah would know the word Khalasar? Why would he say horde?

24. At least the Khals believe Dany is Drogo’s widow?

25. Ok so the waif is fascinating and her movements are just so... Succinct. A++ physical acting or whatever the word is.

26. Whoa that’s Melisandre without the necklace?? Cool story bro but why did she choose then to take it off? What does that tell us about her as a character or her powers? Just wanted to show some crone boobs? IDEK that was a weird ending.

6x02

1. The trailer reminds us that BRAN IS IN THIS SHOW

2. Remember this kid? He’s a Stark! He’s VERY IMPORTANT! He’s GONNA BE KING, but he wasn’t in all of season 5. He matters WE PROMISE.

3. The older generation of Starklings!!! I would be lying if I didn’t say seeing Lyanna and Brandon and Ned and Benejen And Nan and bb Hodor didn’t give me a LOT of feelings. (Also Bloodraven is the Worst Ghost of Christmas Past Ever.)

4. Cross fandom wish: I want to see Hodor, Groot, and Rocket have a conversation where everyone understands every word.

5. So... Meera and Summer have been hunting so that they all stay alive, right?? Otherwise WHAT ARE THEY EATING

6. Ok I take back what I said about them only having the Children once, but that was WEAK. “Help Bran, Meera. Because I said so and I’m a creepy magical person whose motivations are unclear”

7. YEAAAAAH WUN WUN SMASH THOSE TRAITORS. Good on you too Edd for taking charge.

8. Ugh every bar has one like that asshole talking about Cersei. And I don’t think he’s long for this world

9. I LOVE BEING RIGHT HI GREGOR

10. Why would Tommen keep Cersei away from Myrcella’s funeral. OH GODS HE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HER.

11. Ugh Jaime is tired of keeping vigil over his dead family members GIVE HIM A BREAK

12. Also Jaime promising never to let Cersei be in a cell again while he’s there AAAAHHH YES 🦁 ❤️

13. There’s nothing more dangerous than a fanatic who fears nothing, Jaime. But him threatening the High Sparrow was made of sex.

14. SEVEN HELLS did Tommen just give Cersei the idea to blow up the sept

15. Dany’s council meeting in absentia is kind of neat. I was wondering how those crazy kids were doing. 

16. Lol I drink and I know things is ABOUT TYRION KNOWING ABOUT DRAGONS 🐉 I DID NOT KNOW THAT AND I LOVE IT

17. Tyrion being like “please DO NOT EAT THE ALLIES (me)” to Viserion and Rhaegal is amazing

18. Viserion is all ME TOO LET ME GO HERE’S THE CHAIN SMALL HUMAN when he shows Tyrion his neck.

19. That was a rough test Jaqen

20. Yes Ramsay please march North I dare you

21. Roose KNOWS what Ramsay is and tries to steer him out of it but I don’t think he truly understands how deep the crazy goes

22. HOLY SHIT RAMSAY JUST STABBED HIS DAD and everyone either is too scared of Ramsay to do anything about it or was in on it. LOOKING AT YOU KARSTARK ASSHOLE

23. Oh Walda you sweet trusting soul he is going to feed you and your baby to those dogs isn’t he. I DON’T like being right. Have I mentioned that?

24. Brienne recognizing Sansa��s choices were hard ❤️❤️

25. Ugh Theon talking about all the things he’s done and Sansa hugging him anyway aaaaah my soul

26. It’s hard to hear someone else say they forgive you you when you don’t think you deserve forgiveness, and he’s definitely not ready to hear it from Jon. (But he’s ready to hear it from Sansa because of what they’ve been through together? I like that explanation and I’m sticking to it.)

27. Oh right Pyke exists the show doesn’t remember that unless it’s convenient.

28. HOW DARE YOU REFERENCE THAT PINECONES LINE SHOW YOU HAVE NOT EARNED THAT

29. Ok at least Yara cares about her people and we get to see it.

30. OMG Euron? He’s the one who kills Balon?

31. ...and he’s kind of got delusions of Grandeur? “I am the drowned god” wtf sir.

32. Gotta admit Iron Islands burial customs are kinda neat

33. We get the Kingsmoot? I’m listening, show... you’re on notice but I’m listening.

34. Depressed Melisandre is depressed. Wait... has she never done the raising from the dead thing? SEVEN HELLS SHE HASN’T.

35. A pep talk from Davos might snap me out of my crisis of faith too.

36. Thoros can do this in the language of Westeros, but I guess if Valyrian works for you...

37. I love Tormund peacing out of the room with Mostly Dead Jon like “I have had enough of this south of the wall bullshit”

38. Did Melisandre reach the lord of lights answering machine and it took him a while to get back? “If you would like to leave a resurrection request for R’hllor, please press one...”

39. Ghost’s eyes open AND SO DO JON’S hey bro

6x03 this episode is called Oathbreaker ARE WE ABOUT TO GET TO SEE THE FLASHBACK TO JAIME KILLING AERYS PLZ TELL ME

1. He liiiives! Poor Jon... what did you see while you were gone I wonder?

2. Oh jeez it was nothing. At least he has the most comforting sensible person in this series to help him through.

3. I like that Jon gets to come downstairs and HUG TWO OF HIS FRIENDS and none of the nights watch or the wildlings bat an eye or seem to think less of him for it. LET MEN HUG. 

4. Oh jeez Sam’s taking Gilly and the baby to Horn Hill? Do we get to meet his mom? (No one cares about Randylll but I think we might get to meet him too?)

5. BB Sam is SO CUTE HE HAS HAIR NOW.

6. Wait is Gilly pregnant again?

7. That is the Tower of Joy and I AM NOT READY

8. HOLY SHIT HOWLAND REED KILLED ARTHUR DAYNE?

9. Sword of the morning indeed WHAT A BADASS (somewhere in my soul Jaime is waving an “Arthur Dayne Rocks” banner) there’s no way Ned could have won that fight without help and now Bran knows that??? I don’t really have anything interesting to say here I just love the idea of a kid getting to see the truth of a family story that’s radically different from what he thought he knew.

10. Past Ned HEARD BRAN? FASCINATING?

11. Oh right Dany is about to meet all of the other widows of the Khals this could be cool but knowing d and d it won’t be because it would involve treating WoC with nuance.

12. Not impressed so far.

13. So this girl Varys is meeting with is in league with the Sons of the Harpy? Good my memory is intact.

14. all this with Varys actually TRYING to take care of Meereen is fun...

15. Tyrion being like OMG I AM BORED PLZ TALK ABOUT SOMETHING to Grey Worm and Missandei is the most him thing ever. I feel you Bro. He’s a people person deep down and just wants to be friends so badly.

16. Qyburn with all of Varys’ little birds and making kids’ abusive parents disappear is PRECIOUS.

17. Don’t poke the Mountain, Jaime

18. LANNISTER MUSICAL CHAIRS PART 2 also Jaime is ON THE SMALL COUNCIL NOW??? Who gave book!Cersei three wishes??? Him actually being in her corner and working with her as a team must be like a wish come true...

19. “Grand Maester Pycelle would you sanction that starement?” 😂 Lena’s delivery of that line made me laugh so hard we had to rewind to hear the dialogue.

20. No no don’t leave the three of them together they’ll plan murder. Well, Cersei and Jaime will. Gregor will nod.

21. Tommen confronting the high sparrow fascinated me. He has some of the I WILL KILL YOU family traits on display here but it’s understandable given what his family has gone through at the high sparrows hand. I’d be threatening murder too if I were him.

22. What are you playing at mr high Sparrow? Because I don’t trust you farther than I can throw you, and I don’t even have a good arm.

23. The Hound was not on her list any more 😢 that whole scene with Arya recounting her life and learning to fight blind is NEAT.

24. Wait faceless men are immune to the poison in the water?? Cool.

25. Is that supposed to be Greatjon Umber’s son who refuses Jon? What an ass.

26. My wife adds, “THESE LOSERS are the people Sansa is supposed to be queen of?”

27. OH SHIT OSHA AND RICKON AND SHAGGYDOG HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN? (Please let Sansa Find out who did that and who helped and give them what they deserve... there’s no way anyone took down that wolf alone.) I HATE THAT WE ARE NEVER GOING TO GET CLOSURE ON THAT PROBABLY.

28. Oh shit Jon has to hang the traitors that’s gonna be hard on him.

29. At least Alliser is consistent.

30. Jon did what he had to do... just like Ned in the first ep.

31. Wait WHAT did you just hang those men and then LEAVE? Isn’t leaving just as damaging to the order as killing the lord commander? That seemed overly quick and weird but ok????

32. Guess Jon was the Oathbreaker.

6x04

1. If anyone deserved an I JUST DIED crisis, it’s Jon. Also, the vows say, “it will not end until my death...” so technically...

2. Brienne got them up to the Wall QUICK. She is nothing if not efficient.

3. Sansa and Jon are like, “so... how cool are we going to play this? NOT COOL AT ALL LETS HUG” so sweet.

4. “Where will WE go?” Yes stay together Starklings because family is important certainly don’t scatter to the four winds or anything 🙄

5. I kind of love that Sansa’s the one who insists on taking back Winterfell and is all “help me or not I’m doing it”

6. I’m Brienne of Tarth and I HAVE A LONG FUCKING MEMORY. Wait... wrong show. (She DOES, though...) 

7. Wow Petyr lying about Sansa being forced to Marry Ramsay... he’s playing the lords of the Vale like a fiddle.

8. That’s a lovely bird he got Robin. What a pretty boy.

9. Missandei staring daggers at Tyrion is Excellent Content. The “Tyrion tries to be a little more diplomatic but this involves dealing with slavers” problem is... a bit oversimplified, but at least they’re addressing it? Still not great. 

10. Jorah and Daario are off on a secret mission and I cant stop hearing the Galavant song.

11. The older widow of the Dosh Khaleen is more interesting than the show will let her be.

12. Is that Lazareen widow Dutch from Killjoys? IT IS!!!!

13. Guess what high Sparrow NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SELF RIGHTEOUS CONVERSION STORY LEAST OF ALL ME (guess who has some issues with organized religion it’s meeeee)

14. Way to act your heart out, though, Jonathan Pryce.

15. So idk if I’ve made a big deal about this but I’m SUPER QUEER and seeing Loras broken like that made my heart stop for a second.

16. “Not setting off” fanatics, huh Pycelle? I think Cersei has other ideas 😈 ��

17. Tommen is TALLER THAN CERSEI NOW

18. Cersei and Jaime trying to get Olenna and Kevan on their side against the High Sparrow is... smarter than I thought it was going to be when they walked into that room. They had a united front, they were clearly working together... WHAT IS THIS I LIKE IT

19. Theon looks like a ghost of himself. :( And Pyke looks all creepy.

20. Jeez Yarra go easy on your little brother his psyche still has cracks in it. I guess it’s understandable that she’s pissed given the failed rescue and the timing of his arrival. I kept just waiting for him to say “I want to be home,” when she yelled WHAT DO YOU WANT but he didn’t and that makes me sad. (Home should have been Winterfell or wherever Sansa was just saying.)

21. Oh Osha don’t try it... shit. Well, you tried

22. And Tormund’s epic crush on Brienne begiiiiiins

23. SHIT RAMSAY TELLS JON HE HAS RICKON

24. Sansa insisting on reading the rest of the letter from Ramsay is... made of steel. I’m here for her being the driving force behind this attempted rescue.

25. I didn’t realize that so many Dothraki knew about how Dany lost the baby and Drogo.

26. DID DANY JUST KILL ALL OF THE KHALS? Girl knows how to make an entrance? The optics here are sooooo problematic but she looks DAMNED impressive the plan in and of itself is sound - gets rid of the men who don’t respect her and shows herself to be indestructible in one power move...

6x05 OH NO THIS IS CALLED THE DOOR I THINK I KNOW WHAT IS COMING

1. Is it just me or are d and d writing more and more episodes themselves?

2. Sansa has had enough of Littlefinger’s bullshit. Making him face up to what HE LEFT HER TO WHEN HE MARRIED HER TO RAMSAY AND ABANDONED HER YES GOOD.

3. When he says “did he cut you” and Sansa talking about Ramsay not caring as long as she could give him an heir... does that mean what I think it does? FGM? I hate that I even wonder. (Still not sure about this, but I don’t put it past them to imply something horrific like that and then not come back to it.)

4. The more I see the waif fight, the cooler she gets.

5. Faceless men founded Braavos? Right I KNEW that.

6. Ok the play is fun... complete with sound effects. So interesting to see what people in Braavos think of everything that happened.

7. So... I would Lady Crane’s voice anywhere. Hi Phryne!

8. Oh wow look at all the CotF

9. THEY MADE THE WHITE WALKERS I did not know that and for YEARS before this season came out we had an au idea where that was true and I AM SCREAMING

10. AND THEY DID IT TO DEFEND AGAINST THE ANDALS AND WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO THE TREES

11. Yara’s speech was lovely, Theon supporting her was sweet, but Yara shouldn’t have needed a dude’s support to get that reaction from the crowd. She’s been on Pyke and being badass ALL HER LIFE. That being said, I like to think Yara would have been Queen in this version of things if Euron hadn’t showed up. What a Dick.

12. How does Euron go from wanting to marry Dany to allying with Cersei? I guess I’m about to find out.

13. Damphair knows cpr, idiot showrunners. don’t just let Euron lie there.

14. YES GET AWAY YARA AND THEON AND... a lot of the fleet? Good on them.

15. Jorah trying to leave Dany and her not letting him and commanding him to find a cure aaaahhhhh my feelings 😢

16. In the real world Tyrion would have been a great campaign manager.

17. If they wanted someone local... why get a red priestess from Volantis? Is this supposed to be the same woman? Do any of the people of Meereen even follow the faith of R’Hollor?

18. Varys having no time for the red faith’s bullshit is SO GOOD. It’s ok Varys you’re probably the most famous eunuch in the world right now. And whoop de doo a sorceress knows a story about a sorcerer it’s a small magical world don’t let her cow you.

19. ...whatcha doing, Bran???

20. Well that’s not creepy at all. Soooo many wights. Were there only... four white walkers including the night king? I’m so confused.

21. “The Umbers gave Rickon to Ramsay they can hang” YES SANSA

22. Why did she lie about getting info from Petyr? (And GOOD ON BRIENNE calling her on it)

23. Brienne calling Jon “a bit brooding” is the most hilarious thing ever. Somewhere Jaime Lannister is laughing his ass off. 

24. Yes wolfy clothes for everyone.

25. Awww Edd forgetting he’s acting lord commander is hilarious.

26. SO MANY WIGHTS DON’T DIE MIRA

27. Why are the children and the white walkers on opposite sides? Are these just about rogue CotF? EXPLAIN SHOW EXPLAIN

28. Cool visuals though... the night king walking through that fire was AWESOME.

29. Rickard LOOKS like a stark in that flashback.

30. RIP Bloodraven... glad you didn’t have to see how pointless all of this was.

31. Wait wait plain old wights can KILL THE CHILDREN? Dumb.

32. SUMMER NO I AM NOT OK WITH ANY OF THIS not Leaf either she’s a nice little tree person even if her motivations are unclear.

33. So Bran warging into Hodor in the present and in the past at the same time is what messed him up? Or something about the time folding and Bran BEING THERE?

34. That was upsetting as fuck about Hodor and I AM SAD EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT WAS COMING

And... tumblr won’t let me post the whole thing. I had A LOT to say about some later episodes. Remember when I was going to keep this to three bullet points for each episode? Yeah me neither. 

[themattress]

Everything wrong with the series heroines’ scenes in Kingdom Hearts III

Because it is legit fascinating how horrendously sexist this game’s writing is.

SCENE: Kairi and Lea, post-Twilight Town

- "I'm training to become a Keyblade wielder like you".  Right off the bat, we have something wrong. Kairi apparently needs formal Keyblade training in order to be a “real Keyblade wielder’ like Sora and Riku. Except that Sora and Riku didn’t receive formal Keyblade training - it was just fine and dandy for them to pick up a Keyblade, start slinging it, and become a master at it through their adventures. But a GIRL doing the same? Oh no, we can’t have that!

- "That's right. No more waiting for you to come back from your adventures. I want to get out there and do my part to help."  This is bullshit, because this was a development that Kairi already made in KH2! Seriously, talk to her before entering the door to Kingdom Hearts and she outright said “I’m tired of waiting, from now on where one of us goes the other follows!” and the epilogue is framed as if Sora, Riku and Kairi will be going on an adventure together now. But then Nomura and Oka decided “NAAAAH!”, retconned this in BBS’ secret ending by having Kairi meekly agree to just wait behind for Sora and Riku again, and are continuing this degradation of her character here, where she only steps up when Yen Sid calls for her to.

- "I'll admit I was a little scared of him at first, but I've gotten to know him better. All he ever wanted was to help his friend. Honestly, it's hard not to like him." Fuck this. Axel didn’t want to help his friend, Axel wanted to help himself. Roxas, the friend he betrayed, made him feel like he had a heart. Axel wanted that feeling back, and was willing to harm Kairi and Sora to get it back. He was a selfish bastard, and this whitewashing of his character in order to pander to his popularity is disgusting, especially when at the expense of his past victim. The line given to her of “It’s hard not to like him” is especially wretch-inducing. I sure as Hell don’t like him!

- "It won't be easy, but I hope you'll remain the happy and cheerful Sora I know. There's no heart your smile can't reach." Schmaltzy, forced SoKai crap right here. Remember how good and subtle the writing in the original KH was? Where all Kairi needed to say was “Sora, don’t ever change” and that said SO MUCH about her character and her relationship with him?

- "But I won't send it. It's more for me. I just like talking to Sora, even if it's on paper." OK, now you’re just making Kairi and her feelings for Sora look pathetic. In KH2, when she couldn’t remember Sora, she still sent him a letter in a bottle that she wrote, having faith that it would reach him. And now I’m expected to believe she’s too shy to send a letter to Sora now?

- "You're sweat, Lea." God, I think I’m going to be sick!

- "Don't hold back, Lea. Promise?" A contrived line in order to use Kairi for Xion-related angst for Lea to go through. By that same token, Xion is also being used for a man’s development.

- "Call me Axel from now on."  This is so fucked up! A girl tells the older man who once kidnapped her that she’s not comfortable with his constant apologies. The man doesn’t respectfully stop, he instead tells his former kidnap victim that he’ll only stop doing this thing that makes her uncomfortable “one one condition” - that she begin calling him by the name she knew him by when he kidnapped her! WTF!? In what universe is this appropriate!?

SCENE: Aqua and the two Ansems, post-Monstropolis

- "Don't need it!" And thus begins Aqua’s degradation into a joke in this game - she attacks a powerful Heartless without her Keyblade, and shockingly is owned in two seconds flat and turned into a Darkling. There’s being brave, and then there’s being dumb. This...is dumb.

SCENE: Kairi and Lea, post-The Caribbean.

- "Now that she's a part of me again, I figured all was right. But she can't look at this forest, feel the wind on her face, none of it. And if she could, it would be different for her. Her time was short, but she lived it, and that makes it hers. What right did I have to take those feelings and experiences back? They don't belong to me. Nothing's as it should be. Not for her or Roxas."  FUCK THIS. This pisses me off so much. I loved the happy ending of KH2, including for Roxas and Namine. But now it’s been retconned so that it wasn’t a happy ending, that they didn’t retain their individuality from within Sora and Kairi despite what was clearly said and shown in KH2′s ending, and it’s a terrible fate that they must be “saved” from to end their “hurt”. And Kairi is now blaming herself for it - “what right did I have to take those feelings and experiences back”? Oh, I don’t know - maybe you had a right because Namine wanted it and fucking extended her hand to you so that she could rejoin with you!? Remember that!? I guess not, since otherwise the game would remember that it was said/shown that Namine would still exist and be able to experience things and keep hold of her own feelings and experiences. But that might create lots of bonding scenes between Kairi and Namine, and we can’t have that, can we? This series is all about the MALE bonding!

- "Well, you don't have to worry alone anymore, Axel." GAAAAAAAH!!!

SCENE: Anti-Aqua in the Realm of Darkness

- Just...everything. From Anti-Aqua being treated as a villain that must be defeated rather than reasoned with even when the entire breaking speech she gives to Mickey is objectively true and well-deserved, from Sora needing to beat the shit out of her in order to save her, and from the hollow “you’re home” callback to the KH2 ending, with Sora in place of Kairi (are they going for a Sora/Aqua pedophilia ship tease here?) and Kairi herself nowhere in sight, not being a part of rescuing Aqua despite being allegedly her counterpart in the Destiny Trio. At the end of KH2 and even at the end of this game’s opening FMV, we had Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald and Goofy. Thus, Kairi’s absence is glaring (and not for the last time!)

SCENE: Castle Oblivion becomes Land of Departure again

- "Ven's expecting me. I promised to wake him. Said I'd be right back, but I'm not even close. I'm in for an earful." But Ven’s heart wasn’t in his body when you promised that! Why would he remember that promise or be expecting anything from you!? And the way you’re phrasing it (”in for an earful”) makes it sound as if you’re the child and he’s the adult! What the Hell!?

- "Why? Your heart never found its way home?" Did Sora really not tell her!?

- "Sorry, but you've seen me too weak, too often. Now it's my turn to shine." Where to begin? This notorious line is woodenly delivered right before a fight with Vanitas where Aqua is playable. She is saying it to Sora, basically admitting that this is a matter of ego and that she wants to show off in front of him (again, creepy pedophilic ship vibes here). Also, “you’ve seen me too weak, too often”? He literally just met you, and you were pretty damn strong when fighting him as Anti-Aqua! And after the playable fight is over, Vanitas blasts at Ven, Aqua jumps in front of the blast and has time to deflect it with her Keyblade or barrier magic...but she doesn’t, gets knocked out, and has to be saved by Sora and Ven. Weak!

- "Good morning, Ven." Wow, such an emotional reunion! (That’s sarcasm, btw.)

SCENE: Gathering at Yen Sid's Tower before the final battle

- Again, everything. Aqua and Kairi’s interaction is pathetically brief and only revolves around “Hey, remember when we met in BBS? That was a thing.” Plus bringing up the bullshit retcon of Aqua enchanting Kairi’s necklace, Mickey somehow not having pieced together that the little girl was Kairi until now, Lea whining that this talk is taking time away from him and his narcissistic entitlement complex, and more “Roxas and Namine need to be saved” crap.

SCENE: Land of Departure at night

- "It's like I've been part of some big adventure." This scene features Aqua and Ventus. But it’s only about Ventus, and his X connections. Aqua is nothing but a springboard for him.

SCENE: Paopu Tree on Destiny Islands

- "I want to be a part of your life no matter what. That's all." Except that Kairi already IS a part of Sora’s life no matter what. This has been true since the events of the original KH, where she inhabited his heart. The paopu sharing was never meant to be a literal thing to happen when it was conceived, it was symbolic, it was smart writing. This is dumb, and forced.

- "Let me keep you safe." This line isn’t going to have much payoff. In fact, between this and her dialogue in her letter at the very start, it’s sounding a lot like many a poor unfortunate shonen heroine who will pay lip service to getting stronger and helping the boys, and then ultimately proves useless when it comes down to it. Three guesses as to where this is going.

SCENE: Terranort appears

- EVERYTHING. The sheer incompetence displayed by Aqua and Kairi in this scene must be seen to be believed. Both of them have Keyblades, and neither of them use them. Unreal.

SCENE: Kairi brings Sora back

- "The light in the darkness. It was you. You're the one who kept me from fading away." Get it!? Because it’s like the first KH! Where Kairi was the light in the darkness who kept Sora from fading as a Heartless! And the scenery and music is literally straight from the scene where she showed him the memory of her grandmother’s story! ‘Member that fantastic scene? ‘Member? ‘MEMBER? Isn’t this coming full circle? Isn’t this poignant? (No. It’s not.)

- "I feel strong with you, Kairi." This line right here shows the big problem with Kairi in this game - she has nothing to offer for herself, she only has something to offer Sora. She is used for Sora’s role and development, as he says: to make him strong, all while she stays weak. 

SCENE: The Finale

- EVERY FUCKING THING. Larxene implies she was only part of the Organization because of her feelings for a man.  Aqua gets beaten by Terranort and has to be saved by Terra (which on it’s own wouldn’t be so bad, seeing as Sora and Ven are in the same boat, but it’s her last battle in the game after having lost all the other ones and she loses AGAIN). Kairi, after just half a battle as a party member, gets beaten by Xion and then kidnapped by Xemnas. Xion, who only shows up now, is again used as a prop for Lea, then gets beaten down by Xemnas and needs to be saved by Roxas, and then is a pitifully weak party member in the battle against Saix while Roxas is overpowered. Kairi is fucking killed by Xehanort in order to give Sora “proper motivation” and thus achieve his goal, meaning Kairi was more useful to the villain than to the heroes. Xion does nothing but say an out-of-left-field line about something she shouldn’t possibly know. Aqua is basically told by Eraqus that she shouldn’t have been named Master and that Terra should have (”Take care of them” - Eraqus to Terra about Aqua and Ven). Namine only shows up in the last seconds of the game, without any dialogue. And for the final slap in the face, Kairi is resurrected offscreen, only to lose Sora as a result of it.

Amazing. Literally every scene featuring these girls had something to demean them in it. KH3 is the absolute embodiment of the KH series’ woman problem. Hardcore fans can deny it all they want, they can accuse me of being a stupid hater or a killjoy or an SJW or what-have-you, but they cannot change the truth. And the truth is that Tetsuya Nomura is a sexist hack.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 26.02.18 lb

“KAAGAZI SHER DHER HO GAYE.”

LMAO THAT’S WHAT THIS FUCKING SHOW SHOULD BE CALLED. 

lel “apni chutiya ghumaao”

hubs is coming around to chamki it seems!

damn, he really is! he’s maneuvering it to sex her up!

look at these two idiots, giggling and smirking like they caught mummy-daddy kissing.

ok shivaay pls. no. leave the dehaati talk to someone not as bougie as yourself.

can’t take him seriously/focus on whatever he’s saying so seriously when he’s rocking some srs sex hair like that. 

snort. looks like gauri couldn’t resist the bhaang again.

gosh some real sleeping beauty vibes here. omkara getcho ass in here and kiss the girl awake!!!!!!!!! 

damn, i love how pinky is like baakiyon ko chod anika, (incl. my raja beta shivaay), YOU’RE FINE RIGHT??????/ 

haaye when lord when will i get proper mom pinky to beti anika? sochte hue hi humri eyezh se bhatar aa raha hai.

LMAO THE MATAK. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE DOES IT I HAVE TO PAUSE THE VIDEO COZ I’M LAUGHING TOO HARD.

damn sumo. evil really suits you. i mean, dat glo up. fucking amazing. maybe i should completely give up my moral code too. hmmmmm... 

i want rosie ka matakne waala tabla bg music to be my ringtone.

aaaaaaaaand veer chutiya just laid the whole plan out.

OH HO ANIKA CAN YOU CONTROL THE SHOCK FACE. MATLAB, EITHER OVERACTING, OR NO ACTING. BEECH MEIN KUCH NAHI AATA KYA?

arre waah, there’s a scheduled meeting of all the oberoi dushmans tomorrow. how organized! i bet there’s email reminders and snacks and everything!

MAN SRSLY. I LOVE EVIL SUMO SO MUCH. *kisses her beautiful evil little face*

also god gauri looks sooooooooo goooood today. how lord howwwwwwww can one person be this beautiful this is so fucking unfair where is the manager of this dept of giving out good looks i’d like to speak to them please about how unfair this is!!!!!!!!!!

OMFG ANIKA YOU IDIOT GIRL JUST SPIT IT OUT INSTEAD OF SCARING EVERYONE HERE

AAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!! I WAS RIGHT. I WAS RIIIIIIIIGHT. GAURI DOES KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ROSIE RANI/VEER. FUCKING GULNEET JUST DIDN’T WRITE HER INTO THE SCENES.

*SCREAMS ENDLESSLY AND ETERNALLY*

please excuse me while i gloat a little:

ok gloating done. 

no wait, one more.

*now* i’m done. let’s move on. 

damn omki shomki’s really taking it hard. sigh. i know bb. i know. you loved her the most. you loved her even more than you loved your real sister. (who, btw, like... is she alive? you guys don’t even mention her in passing....? it’s a lil weird, man.)

i love how even anika’s more concerned about om and is like “u ok bro????” rather than focusing on her own husband’s trauma lol.

DADI KI DOST KI POTI MY ASS. YOU ASSHOLES JUST LET ANY DAMN RANDO TRAIPSE AROUND THIS DAMN HOUSE WITH ZERO BACKGROUND CHECKS. LIKE.... HONESTLY.

yeah, that’s what you get when you turn your wife into your “best friend” and proceed to marry someone else in front of her. can’t say i’m sympathetic to rudra here. stupid little shit. 

GOD CAN YOU FUCKS STOP SHELTERING RUDRA SO MUCH??????? IF HE’S OLD ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED, HE’S OLD ENOUGH TO BE CONFRONTED BY THE UNPLEASANT TRUTHS OF LIFE. GAWD. 

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand rudy knows. because y’know, he has the magical power OF HEARING. 

yeah, this is why no one tells you shit rudra. coz you have the coping capabilities of a fucking 12 year old. 

LMAO WHUT??????????? WHY ARE THEY PLAYING NOOR-E-KHUDA?????????? 

ah fuck man they didn’t have to do me dirty by playing the raksha bandhan flashbacks with om/sumo. that was a truly special moment of the show for me. 

crying @ om kissing rudra. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER TIRE OF THIS SHOW DOING ONE (1) THING RIGHT: MEN SHOWING PHYSICAL AFFECTION TO OTHER MEN WITH ZERO RESERVATIONS. 

what “hamesha se best friend maana” and all? you’ve HAMESHAAAA treated her like shit. you didn’t even give a fuck about her till like 3 seconds ago, after she came back and did something for you. if this is how you treat your “friends”, no wonder you have zero friends (other than your brothers, who are somewhat biologically programmed to love you.)

i hope chubby has found better friends by now. 

yiiiiiiiiikes, bade bhaiyya is gonna go after sumo. watch out girllll.

ok gauri has a lotttta opinions on a chick she’s known like... a month, max. 

ok blah blah blah shivaay ka credo stating that hum saath hai dushman haarega blah blah blah. booooooooring. tum sab chutiye the, ho, aur hamesha rahoge. bas kabhi kabhi lucky ho jaate ho. 

lmao “extra security” ok. sure. uh huh. jinko ghar mein ghusna tha, unko toh aapka raja beta khud uthaake ghar mein laaya hai. ab is extra security ka kya achaar daaloge? 

omg finallllllllllllllllllllllllly om in just the sweater, NO VESTTTTTT. uh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh honey. *pauses and niharofies and strokes screen lovingly*

yes ok shivaay u look good in black too. ab hatt saamne se. lemme stare at om’s arms in that sweater some more. mmmmmhmmm.

OMFG WHY DO YOU DUMBASSES DO SUCH OBVIOUS ISHAARABAAZI OUT IN THE OPEN LIKE THIS

oh thank god dadi isn’t here. there’s a limit to how many annoying oberois i can handle at one time. 

ok naachna shuru; fuck that shit. fwding.

apparently om’s forgiven jhanvi for being a tight-ass banshee who keeps taking tej’s side.

y’know, the man who tried to set her on fire in this very living room. and tried to feed her son to a fucking crocodile. that man. 

ok you know what, i’m happy for pinky. she’d suffered long and hard enough (more than anyone else in this show EVER HAS for their actions.) please god, lemme have happy pinky being a good mom to her kids now. 

awww, how sweet is this tiny moment too!

yuppppppppppp, veer’s here to put nazar. asshole.

MY GOD SHIVAAY FFS COULD YOU STOP ~~~~~~ACTING WITH YOUR FACE SO MUCH. 

waaaah, dumbass veer and sumo are having their ‘fuck the oberois’ congress right here in the open. 

lmao aniRu’s sinister smile waala dancing with sumo. 

itne haq se shivaay ne kabhi anika ka haath nahi pakda hoga jis se woh veer ko pakad ke laa raha hai. #shiVeer #myOTP

waahhhhh shivaay/bhavya also have some kanji aakhon waala coordination. matlab amaze only. 

LOL SRSLY I CAN’T GET OVER HOW SHIVAAY’S JUST DANCING WITH VEER OUT HERE, LIKE... DAMN SON, TRY TO CONTROL YOUR HATE-LUST FOR HIM A LITTLE, YOUR WIFE’S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE?????? 

gosh so much ishaarebaazi happening here and there and everywhere it’s fucking ridiculous. 

.... like didn’t veer just have the hots for anika and want her? now suddenly he’s all OBEROIS KI BARBAADI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too??? like... why? dude, don’t you have much better things to do in life? honestly, why are you even swimming in this kiddy pool of imbeciles when you’re the king of evil in goa? 

whut? arrest warrant for shakti? why? 

why do i even care is the REAL QUESTION. 

[ted-hyung]

nielwink hitman au (I enjoy your writing a lot!! honestly it doesnt have to be hitman au but nielwink is all I need)

anon-sshi i, forthe love of god, am too mild for hitman!au. here, have a 2.5k fluffy bodyguard!auinstead.

feat. another thug!daehwi, lame bodyguards, jihoon being a teenager, a girl group member, glorified age AND size-difference, all the good stuffs for sunday. plz comment, likes, and reblogs, tell your friends about my fics etc ʕ – ㉨ – ʔ ʕ – ㉨ – ʔ ʕ – ㉨ – ʔ

also tagging le queen @6ungjin tell me whachu think imma on a roll.

one of the newbodyguards looks like a big dog. no. an overgrownpuppy. oh my god, jihoon thinks, ashe hides a grin behind his hands and steals another glance at the man who isso, so big and wide. his glaring ash blonde hair further convinces jihoon thathe’s a… samoyed puppy? or maybe a golden retriever? ugh, especially when hesmiles and his eyes disappear like he just demonstrated over somethingjisung-hyung says. the apples of his chubby cheeks aren’t helping his cute appearance at all! he doesn’t looklike a bodyguard no matter how much black attires he’s wearing from head totoe! jihoon is weak for cute things!

“bro, controlyourself,” daehwi hisses from his left. he’s speaking without moving his lips,a talent that he’s mastered for variety show appearances but actually comes inhandy at situations like these. everyone’s been picking up his talent andchecking out girl group members are easier nowadays god bless lee daehwi andthe entire k-pop industry.

“what the fuck?”jihoon hisses back, coughing a little to cover up his never-ending grin andmostly his portrayed image as this aegyo machine who’s just oh so pure and innocent—not the foul-mouthed prettyboy he really is.

“you’repractically vibrating,” daehwi says while pretending to look down to his phone.“he’s cute, i know. i want to hug him too. but seriously control yourself.don’t scare him away on his first day.”

“shut up itagged him first.”

“no, you’renot.”

on his right,jinyoung hisses at them as he opens a bag of potato chips loudly, “guys,please. just share him, we still have dongho-hyung, remember?”

daehwi hums,acknowledging his slip. dongho-hyung is their favorite bodyguard who’scurrently on leave due to sickness—lies,they know he got knocked over by a horde of fangirls with folding chairs andexpensive cameras when they were at incheon airport last week—thus the reasonwhy management is hiring two new bodyguards in the name of kang daniel(jihoon’s, thank you very much), and im youngmin, a smiley but tall and just aswide, if not wider, man with red hairand huge hands.

now, don’t getthem teenage boys wrong. living the lush life of being an idol can be lonely;they stutter when they try to talk to any girl groups and they can’t reallymake friends with another boy group since they’re still new, the still need toestablish a solid fanbase before worrying about befriending their literal‘rivals’. they—jihoon, daehwi, jinyoung, samuel, and euiwoong aka boy’sgeneration, the nation’s hottest idol to date—are all lucky to have a superhilarious manager-hyung slash talkative uncle who takes a good care of him.jisung-hyung was once a trainee who got denied his chance to debut thrice, andvowed to be a good manager to every groups he’s managed and he did. boy’sgeneration saw with their own eyes how red velvet girl group members, yes, the red velvet from sm entertainment,always flock around jisung-hyung like he’s their mama bird every time theyhappen to run into each other in music shows recording because he was theirmanager for a long, long time before he got transferred to manage boy’sgeneration.

anyway, besidesjisung-hyung, they also have kind-hearted stylist noonas and hairstylist noonasto talk to in between hectic schedules. choreographer-hyungs and don’t forgetcafeteria staffs.

and then there’sdongho-hyung and his team.

real men in suits with muscles, notjisung-hyung and his bb cream compact but don’t tell jisung-hyung that or elsethey will be denied late night sneaky snacks.

okay, so! realmen! because dongho-hyung is menacingwith the sides of his head shaved and cool tattoos, lots of them! he doesn’tshave and doesn’t moisturize at night! euiwoong once looked him up on naversearch and found that he had black belt in taekwondo and got an honorable medalfrom the navy because he helped rescuing a north korean refugee from drowningat the yellow sea. wow, right? daehwieven talks about him a lot on interviews, saying that he aspires to be as manly as one of boy’s generationbodyguards so please wait for me blooming as a real man a little bit longer,guys, saranghae~

daehwimonopolizes dongho-hyung all by himself whenever they have a vacation, sittingnext to him in the plane and clinging to dongho-hyung’s thick arms as they tryto swim across beastly fangirls waiting for them at the airport. dongho-hyunghas three people with him, all looking like they can kill with their gaze butis actually a sap. there’s wonshik-hyung who talks too fast, gets confused bywhat he says, and teasing him is boy’s generation favorite pastime. next, theyhave taekwoon-hyung; the quietest, the scariest, but also the sweetest when itcomes to tending any of boy’s generation needs. he’s got a soft spot forjinyoung who blurts out random nonsense at times that never fails to crack himup, and jinyoung even introduced taekwoon-hyung to his cousin-noona. the lastone in the bodyguard team is shinwoo-hyung, an actual bear personified. he’ssquishy and wide, sleeps a lot, and lets samuel and euiwoong braid his longhair.

jihoon is closeto all of them, but he wants one just for himself. kang daniel seems like agood candidate because im youngmin looks like he’ll be strict despite hisoverall soft-looking appearance.

ʕ – ㉨ – ʔ

nothing majorhappens.

daniel-hyung, asit turns out, is a dork. he’s a big fan of harry potter the series and he anddaehwi are bonding over their favorite book; harry potter and the goblet offire. he speaks english too, and if jihoon is a lesser man—boy—he would havehidden all of daehwi’s shoe lifts because daehwi’s been looking so smug afterhe talks to daniel-hyung about finding nemo or other american stuffs jihoondoesn’t really care. youngmin-hyung, true to his prediction, is the gentlestand smartest and prefers to tutor them instead of fully doing their mathhomework (shinwoo-hyung did it before but their grades didn’t actuallyskyrocketed ha ha ha).

jihoon is bored.

he’s recording apopular eating show alone today as a special guest alongside a girl groupmember who made jihoon’s heart skipped a beat the first time he got a good lookof her smooth, long legs clad only in a pair of pastel pink colored tennisskirt. she’s super nice, not overly friendly or even touchy with boyish cutblack hair and orange tinted lips, but jihoon can’t afford to be comfortablewith an opposite gender now. probably not ever until they’re years into keepingboy’s generation relevant.

jisung-hyungcan’t go with him because the rest of the members are filming an openingsegment for their newest variety show, boy’sgeneration 101, that jihoon had filmed prior this schedule. daniel-hyunggot assigned to accompany him instead and he’s being chummy with the girl’smanager-noona, both standing underneath the shade of the years old oak treejust across the road, looking like a movie star with a simple black polo shirtand black bermuda pants. jihoon notices that daniel-hyung’s calves are just assmooth as the girl’s and he chokes on a quiet laughter.

“hi.”

jihoon yelps,and the girl apologizes for startling him.

“no no, it’sokay,” jihoon splutters, standing up from the plastic chair he’s sitting. he’sjust barely a couple of inches taller than her and it’s making him sad. “hi.hello.��

the girl,ahreum, smiles and it’s not a flirty kind of smile. jihoon hopes he doesn’thave a chili stuck in between his teeth or something when smiles back at her.

ahreum says,“the PD-nim told me we’ll be back filming in ten minutes.”

“right, whew. ican’t wait to have the dessert to be honest,” jihoon nods, thanking the godsthat his stutter isn’t as severe as samuel that foolish maknae. “um. what wasyour favorite dish?”

“i loveeverything,” ahreum giggles, “i just love seafood so much. you’re allergic toshrimps, right?”

they’re filming,you guess it right, in busan. it’s dongho, daniel, and youngmin-hyung’shometown. jihoon is not even a big fan of seafood but at least he could enjoyeverything else that wasn’t shrimp. the dessert is some unique flavor, homemadeice cream. jihoon loves sweets and he’s going to eat a lot because jisung-hyungis not here with him to watch his sugar intake. the agency told him to lose acouple of weights because he looks bloated lately. it’s the goddamn chocolatebars jihoon bought on impulse the last time he got his paycheck. tch.

“are youthirsty?” ahreum asks, “let’s go to 7-11 just down the road. i’ll treat youcola.”

as much asjihoon loves cola, he can’t have it due to his sugar diet. “can i have pocarisweat instead?”

ahreum nods,smiling. she’s pretty. “anything you want.”

jihoon tellshimself not to blush like a pre-pubescent boy. “um, wait here. i have to telldaniel-hyung,” he says, putting his hands in the pockets of his sponsored denimshorts.

ahreum looksover to where her manager and daniel-hyung are still talking, and comments,“your bodyguard, right? he’s really handsome.”

jihoon, in lieuof snorting in annoyance, blurts out, “he’s a dork tho.”

“still.”

yeah, well.

daniel-hyung iscrossing his arms on his chest; they’re bulging heavily unlike jihoon’stwig-like ones. he doesn’t wear any makeup but his skin is flawless and jihoonenvies him for sweating freely, while he has to be careful not to smear his bbcream away whenever he dabs his sweat with tissues. daniel-hyung smiles whenjihoon approaches near, and the manager-noona greets him politely.

“ahreum and iare going to the 7-11,” jihoon says, “do you want something, hyung?”

daniel-hyung’sanswer is immediate, “i’ll go with you.”

ooo…kay?

jihoon frowns.“it’s just down the road,” he waves a hand to the general direction of theroad, even though truthfully he hasn’t seen a 7-11 near the dessert house.

daniel-hyungtilts his head, a very cute habit that makes him look more and more like anovergrown puppy. if only he’s not being annoying right now, jihoon would havebeen squealing. in his head.

but he’s beingannoying right now.

“right,whatever.” jihoon mumbles and makes a u-turn, and he hears a loud horn ananosecond before he realizes he’s being held back by daniel-hyung’s strong andheavy arms. someone curses out loud but jihoon’s ears are ringing with howdeafening his heartbeats are. he wasn’t looking and he almost got hit by aspeeding motorcycle, all because he thought daniel-hyung, who saved his life,was being annoying for wanting to go to 7-11 with him and ahreum.

…

daniel-hyungsmells like baby powder.

“jihoon! are youokay?!” that’s ahreum, eyes as big as saucers as she runs towards him but notbefore looking both ways for any vehicles. jihoon gets a glance of the eatingshow crew in a various state of shock, and daniel-hyung is still holding him upwith gentle hands because jihoon doesn’t think he can stand upright without ahelp anyway.

“ahjusshi, is heokay?” ahreum asks, addressing daniel-hyung formally. weirdly. daniel-hyung is only twenty seven years old, exactly tenyears older than jihoon but his birthday is on december. he’s an oppa, really,not ahjusshi.

…

did jihoon tellyou already that daniel-hyung smells like baby powder? because he really does.

“he’s alright,he’s fine,” daniel-hyung sighs, softly, like he doesn’t want to spook jihoonmore if he speaks in a normal tone. “jihoon-ah? can you hear me?” he asks,carefully maneuvering jihoon in his arms, cupping jihoon’s face with his gentlehands that smells like milk. probably his hand cream.

jihoon blinks atthe question, and a tear falls.

ahreum makes adistressed sound as daniel-hyung envelopes him in a hug. he’s so warm, sogenerous with how he strokes jihoon’s hair to reassure him that he’s stillhere, safe and sound. jihoon wraps his arms around daniel-hyung’s torso, nailsdigging onto the fabric and the thickness of daniel-hyung’s skin, vaguelyrecalling whispers from ahreum and her manager-unnie and soon enough the PD-nim’sconsolation that they will hold the filming until jihoon recovers from hisshock. jihoon wants to go home. he wants to curl up on his bed with hisfavorite polar bear plushy and a bar of dark chocolate cadbury. he wants toerase his makeup and sleep with a clay mask he got from his fans. but mostimportantly, he doesn’t want daniel-hyung to let him go.

ʕ – ㉨ – ʔ

nothing majorhappens after that.

it takes jihoonapproximately a week and a half to get back to his old self, to get over thehumiliation of his own childish view of life that almost cost him his life or aleg or worse; his face. daniel-hyungnever brings up the issue and he seems to pay more attention to jihoon eversince. he volunteers to accompany jihoon on his next personal schedule and he’salways the first to reply to jihoon’s question on their group chat, actuallycoming over with a bag of cheetos when jihoon jokingly asked for it, summerthunderstorm be damned.

he looks like awet, overgrown puppy as he shows up on the front door and jihoon pouts, whiningand pulling him inside where it’s warm and jisung-hyung just cooked spaghettiand kimchi soup.

“i’m sorry!”jihoon squeals as he runs to his room to get towels. euiwoong is eyeing himfrom the top bunk, one earphone dangling as he monitors their latest music bankperformance like a good leader he is.

“are you talkingto me?” euiwoong asks.

“no,daniel-hyung is here. he brought cheetos!”

“what the…”euiwoong sits up. “cheetos that you asked on group chat? and what are youdoing?”

“towels! can iborrow yours? i’ll laundry it tomorrow.”

“bottom shelf.”

jihoon grabs twowhite towels embroidered in his and euiwoong’s initials—the perks of livingwith four other boys and one adult in one apartment, they can’t risk sharinggerms thus the territorial towels—and runs back to the front door wheredaniel-hyung is laughing at something jisung-hyung says.

“yah, thisbrat!” jisung-hyung scolds jihoon, but he’s helping daniel-hyung pattinghimself dry. “and you! you didn’t think to use any umbrella or what?”

“i was alreadyout,” daniel-hyung sniffs, concentrating on his hair. “thanks, jihoon-ah.”

jihoon nods,tongue-tied mostly because he was just joking about craving cheetos yet herethey are.

jisung-hyungclaps his hands. “oh, right! how was the date?”

daniel-hyunglaughs and tells them that she ditched him. jisung-hyung gasps, scandalized,and proceeds to rant about how dare she to passover someone as hot as kang daniel! and daniel-hyung laughs again, hiswhole body shaking with the mirth.

…

um.

what?

what was that?

why did jihoon’sheart skip a beat at the sight? is he for real?he’s seen daniel-hyung laughs multiple times before! why now, park jihoon, why?!

[succinct-assbutt]

I Think I Wanna Marry You...(Part 3)

Pairing: Dean X Reader.

Warnings: fluff, mild angst, Dean being a jealous bb

S/P/N- Sister’s Preferred Name.

Word count: 5k O_O

Summary: Dean, trying to get accustomed to Y/N’s family and her life in Boston, finds himself worrying about their very own lives together and what the future holds. Will he manage to find a permanent position in her life, or is it all just a role he must play for these two weeks?

Part 1

Part 2

A/N: I’ve been writing this over a span of two weeks and had initially planned to divide it into two or three parts, but decided against it. I hope you like this.

Tagging: @sassyspn67 , @awkward--jay , @daesunglg​ ,  @hayleynightcore​

                                                      ~*~*~

Dean prays his nervousness doesn’t show in the weak smile he offers the table of gleaming faces. They all stand as the three of them approach, all with welcoming smiles, all eyes trained on Y/N as she walks to them like a prodigal daughter returning home after so long.

 S/P/N goes in for an immediate hug once she’s close enough and engulfs her little sister, squeezing the life out of her. He tries not to chuckle at the way Y/N groans—countless stories about their childhood together, about how close they were and unbreakable bonds and up until today Dean has never once met S/P/N, but he can’t help but find the way she treats her sister amusing.

 The grin on her face is wide as she pulls away. “Look at you!” She says, eyes raking up and down Y/N’s face. “You’re so different now, oh my God!”

 “Please don’t start with me, we only just got here.” The y/h/c-haired girl replies as she straightens out the creases in her skirt. Before she can even get another word out, her mother is at her side, an ambient smile gracing her face.

 “Well, S/P/N’s not wrong.” Her voice is a deep baritone, husky and rich as she gives her daughter a kiss on the cheek then turns to the boys. And that’s when the anxiety comes flooding back.

 A queasiness in his stomach, a twitch in his jaw—something basic and miniscule like breathing or blinking, something he does unconsciously, suddenly feels mechanical. Forced. But the elder Winchester masks it with an amiable smile, the corner’s of his eyes scrunching up. Y/N’s mother’s eyes then travel to his own and her face lights up. “Dean…”

 “Marilyn…” He smiles.

  They hug like their old friends, like this isn’t their third (fourth?) time meeting; that’s the kind of person Y/N’s mom is. Everyone is her friend. Everyone is adored company rather than a burden, and Dean can’t help but feel a bit intimidated by this level of kindness because God, could he pick a leaf.

 Her face folds like dough when she simpers. “looking dapper as ever. Sam, don’t think I’ve forgotten you.”

 S/P/N cuts in, earning the elder Winchester’s attention. “So you’re the esteemed-Dean, huh?” She asks, brown eyes scrutinizing him; despite being her blood, she looks nothing like Y/N. A few join similarities here courtesy of genetics and maybe some shared habits, but Dean knows Y/N enough that he’d be able to distinguish her if she even had a twin.

 “Wow.” S/P/N turns to Y/N with a ribbing smile. “You really know how to pick ‘em.”

 “Shut up.” Y/N rolls her eyes, but the pink-tint in her face is undeniable—so she’s nervous, too. Good. Someone has to be, he thinks. Maybe Y/N can take his place in this apprehensive state, salvage him from his feelings.

 “The stories I’ve heard about you…” S/P/N says fondly. “Welcome. It’s great to finally meet you.”

 “Yeah, likewise. Your sister goes on and on about you.”

 “Likewise.”

 Dean’s expression then shows hwo taken abck he is at that very moment: his eyes widen a smidge and his brows quirk. Turning to Y/N, he asks, “Does she now?”

 The young hunter’s face is a deep red as she shoots her sister a dangerous look, jaw clenched. “Really?”

 “What?”

 Rolling her eyes, she then links her arm with his. “Come on, Dean. There’s still a ton of more people we have to meet.”She says  as she turns and strings him along with her. They scuttle aside, leaving Sam deeply invested in chatter with Marilyn as they venture into the crowd. Amused, the elder Winchester’s smirk doesn’t leave his face as they move.

 He leans in, voice hushed. “So, you talk about me a lot, huh?”

 “Shut up, Winchester.”

 “That’s not a no.”

 “It’s not a yes, either.”

 “Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

 Y/N then halts to a stop and whips around to face him, face constricted with irritation. Satisfaction floods Dean at the sight; pretending they’re in a relationship doesn’t mean abandoning his liking for razzing the young-girl. If anything, he reasons, it’s a catalyst.

 “Dean,…”She warns, her voice as thin as ice. “I’m warning you…I’m not one to shy away from slapping you right in front of all these people?”

 “You wouldn’t do that to your boyfriend…”Smirking, he goes to wrap his arms around her waist and pulls Y/N in, tipping his head down to look at her. Her expression then falters for a moment; her face falls and the fire in her eyes fades; but its brief, almost indiscernible, because seconds later her pout resurfaces.

 Their bodies are flush together, her nimble waist caged in his hands, and Dean tries so hard to ignore the way the tips of his fingers heat up at the contact.

 Instead, he chuckles and loosens his grip. Y/N manages to slip out as she rolls her eyes—even then, her blush is still evident.

 “Come on…”She links Dean’s hand in hers, and leads him over to another table crowded with some cousins and aunts. The garden is dotted with various people, all smiling when they see her, all going in for hugs and pecks on the cheeks and all giving such sly smiles when Y/N says that Dean and her are dating. Some congratulate them, some, whom Dean has had the pleasure of meeting before like Y/N’s cousin Garth, hold a teasing glint in their eyes.

 They talk to relatives and uncles and eerie aunts who, right in front of Y/N, try to hit on Dean. The garden is buzzing with life from all ends, music floating amongst chatter of guests, people dancing,  and as she talks more and more with old friends and relatives, he can see the young girl gradually unwinding.

 Her smile, ever-present and as radiant as star, grows with each second, with each interaction. She’s mirthful. Happy. If that’s the case, Dean wonders, then why was she so reluctant about driving out to Boston? Why had Y/N shown the idea of coming out here such disdain?  The question swims in his mind, but that’s as far as it goes. Dean doesn’t bother asking. That’s not his focus now—his focus now is playing his part and helping her get through these two weeks without any setbacks, and so he allows himself the luxury of sitting back and indulging in the buffet with Y/N. Their earlier hunger returns with a vengeance once they spot the table lined with various foods.

 They’re stacking piles of pastries onto their plates, when all of a sudden comes a voice.

 “How did you two meet?” Uncle Gary, a burly bull trapped in a man’s body, inquires. He’s got hair as grey as the ash on his cigar, and each time he speaks, the thick mustache atop his lip wiggles like a caterpillar. His wife, Steph, stands by his side, eagerly staring and waiting for a response.

 “Uhm..”Dean’s gaze slides to Y/N. She looks back at him, a brief horror flashing on her face. For a few seconds, they panic. Shit.“We met…”

 “In the park!”

 The elder Winchester, shocked, glances over at his girlfriend. She’s smiling at her uncle, her cool demeanor seamlessly in place. If you look hard enough, you can see the glint of pride in her eyes from just saving their asses.

 Uncle Gary’s thick grey brows quirk curiously. “In the park?”

 “Yeah…” Y/N affirms. “Well, by the park. I was, uh, walking my dog one morning when all of a sudden this car comes speeding out of nowhere as we’re crossing.” She casts cursory glance at Dean, who tries not to smile, both in appreciation and subtle arrogance.

 “Yeah.” He supplements, earning the attention momentarily. It’s kind of funny how synchronal they are—a close call like that, teetering along the line between exposing themselves, but Y/N manages to redeem them, and Dean, like a dancer moving to the tune of her symphony, follows without a beat.

  “See, I was on my way to work that morning. I was late, so you can imagine what a rush I was in, right? So there I am, cursing to myself as I speed down the road, one hand on the wheel and the other on my tie, when this fuzzy little poodle—“

 “Jack Russell.” She corrects. “ He was a jack Russell.”

 Dean raises his finger in benediction.  “Right, Jack Russell. So—all of a sudden, he jumps out onto the road and I’m in shock. “

 “Luckily, with quick reflexes like Dean’s, he managed to swerve out of the way. He misses him. ” The young girl plays the role so earnestly, her furrowed brow and weary eyes expression selling her distress. “God, poor Kujo was shaking like a leaf. “

 “So, Y/N, pissed as hell, tries waving me down. She’s running after my car until I finally pull over and she comes up to my window, and just starts exploding.” Dean’s eyes widen for emphasis, his hands waving in the air. It’s a known trait of his. Whenever telling story, to try and spice thing up or make them seem much more exciting than they actually are, the elder Winchester will flail around and pull faces, and Y/N won’t admit it, but she find it absolutely adorable.

 “She’s going on about calling the cops and road rules and safety, but at that moment all I’m focusing on is how goddamn y/e/c her eyes are.” He explains. He doesn’t notice that, as soon as the words leave him, the young girl’s face flushes red. He goes on, says something more, something that makes Aunt Steph’s face fold and crease like cookie dough as she smiles, and then finishes off with a firm arm around her shoulder.

 He gives it a firm squeeze, his eyes crinkled with a smile. “Long story short: I didn’t even show up for work in the end.”

 “Wow.” Aunt Steph’s grey eyes go wide like planets. “Unconventional grounds indeed.”

 “That story was a rollercoaster from start to finish! Loved it!” Uncle Gary, smile engulfing his face, slaps a friendly hand onto Dean’s shoulder who glances at Y/N.

 The pair shares a confided glance, their pride shining in the way they smirk at each other. They’ve pulled it off.  

 The elder Winchester offers a proud smile, fighting the urge to turn to his partner, to pull his lips back in a teasing smirk, for the smugness in his eyes to say I told you so, I told you the doggie hit-and-run would sell. Instead, however, he focuses on Uncle Gary telling him about his very own Terrier that nearly got hit by cyclist as she and her aunt wander off to the sidelines.

 “Well, well, well…” Someone says from behind them.  Dean instinctively turns; his eyes meet with a pair of deep blue ones staring intently at him, at Y/N, a lopsided grin set onto the stranger’s face. His hair, a deep onyx, cascades down his neck to his shoulders. He’s dressed in a suit, very official, very formal, and it makes the elder Winchester’s stomach turn for a moment.

 “Look who it is.” The stranger says.

 Dean furrows his brow. “Excuse me?”

 “Rick!”

 His head snaps in the Y/N’s direction, and his confusions swells even more when he sees the wide grin lacing the young girl’s face.

 Her eyes trained on the stranger, she shakes her head slowly. “Oh my God.”

 “Missed me?” The stranger smirks at her, then goes in for a hug.

 Dean steps aside and out of the way, trying not to bump into the table and almost topples over a tray of croissants. He watches, bewildered, as the two exchange pleasantries. Y/N’s arms are slung around his neck, as she giggles then pulls away.

 “Very much.” She smiles at him. “Wow. It’s been so long.”

 “Hasn’t it?”

 “Dean!”

 The elder Winchester, attention grasped, looks to her. She points at the blue-eyed man. “This is Rick—Rick Montoijia! He was my neighbor when I still lived my parents from, like, two houses down. Uhm, rick, this is my boyfriend, Dean.”

 “Heya.” Rick stretches his hand out for a shake. Hesitating, Dean eyes it momentarily and then finally accepts the gesture.

 “Hi….” His eyes scan the stranger’s face dubiously, his grip firm, trying to assert dominance. And all of a sudden, something has brewed in his chest.

 Something hot and vehement in the space below his ribs; an energy, a sense of intimidation. It’s stupid to feel, yes, but Dean can’t help it—his chest floods with a jealousy as he lets go of the other man’s hand.

 With an excited smile, Y/N addresses Rick. “What are you doing here? We—I haven’t seen you in ages.”

 “S/P/N’s wedding.” He points to Y/N’s sisters standing a few meters away. “Obviously I knew you’d be in town for that. I figured,’ well, when was the last time I saw Y/N L/N?’ and here I am.”

 “Here you are.” Dean cuts in.

 All eyes shift to him. Y/N peers over Rick’s shoulder, trying to get a better glimpse, and the green-eyed hunter offers a strained smile; one far from genuine, something the young girl is obviously familiar with, because her smile begins to melt away at the sight. Dean doesn’t care. His gaze then shifts to Rick, whose smile is still smeared across his chiseled face.

 “Uhm, yeah…”The dark-haired man laughs nervously. “Here I am. So…”His attention averts onto Y/N. “How long are you gonna be in town? We need to catch up.”

 “Definitely. I’m here for—“

 “We’re here—“

 “—for two weeks. Yeah, we’re here for two weeks.” Y/N finishes, voice holding a dangerous edge to it. Dean chooses to ignore it, instead focusing on the way the dark-haired stranger’s face lights up with mirth.

 “Wow. That’s great.”

 “It really is, Rick. Anyhow, it was great meeting you, but we have to go.”

 “What?”

 Dean doesn’t give her a chance to object as his hand goes to Y/N’s waist, and he nudges her forward, quickly trying to get away as fast as possible. Luckily, they succeed; standing behind them, Rick offers a weak, awkward goodbye as they move further away. In his chest, dean’s heart thrums rapidly, incessantly.

 His jealousy boils like a hot stew, threatening to spill over, and he suffocates it; he’s being irrational. He’s being stupid. That guy is just one of Y/N’s many friends, he reasons. He’s just another familiar face from Boston, a ghost from her past, nothing too serious…

 But the call to worry is stronger than reprimand for Dean.

 When she notices his stiffness, Y/N turns to look at the elder Winchester. Concern swims in her y/e/c eyes. “You okay?”

 Attention grasped, Dean turns to her, finds her imploring eyes set on him. They’re back inside, sitting with Sam and the bride and groom, and the band is playing some variation of Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight.

 Trying to stifle his feelings, the elder Winchester regains composure, offering a tight-smile. “Oh, yeah.”

 “Sure? You seem…absent. Like something’s bothering you.”

 “No, nothing’s wrong.” He lets out a sigh. He tries to steady the quaking in his core, letting his gaze drift across the room. Y/N scoots closer in and rests her head on his shoulder. Her hair tickles his jaw.

 “If you say so…”She says with sigh, her breath fanning against his skin. Her body is warm against his, like a tepid lava flowing down his skin, soothing, therapeutic almost.

 “Good job back there with nearly killing my dog, by the way. Put on quite the show.”

 The elder Winchester laughs. It’s soft and feint but she can feel it in the rumble of his body beneath her head.

 “Yeah, well, what can I say—I’m a sucker for theatre.”

 “Are you now?”

 “Oh yeah, massive fan. Plus, anything to get my story told.” Dean senses it hanging in the air like a string suspended between them, a silent question. It’s quiet for moment.  He then tips his head to glimpse down at her, a smile playing at his lips.

 “Say it.”

 “I don’t want to.”

 “You have to.”

 Y/N bites her smile back, a row of her chalky white teeth contrasting the burgundy on her lips, then lets it all bubble out. “Fine! You were right. Your good looks and charm won me over—there, are you happy?”

 Dean doesn’t bother to try and mask his smile. “Extremely.”

 “What’re you guys talking about?”

 His head turns; S/P/N waddles over and pulls out a chair a few seats away, smiling as she sits down. She folds the pleats in her burgundy skirt over.

 “Stuff.” Replies Y/N, head still draped against Dean’s shoulder.

 “What kinda stuff?”

 “Couple stuff. Dean and Y/N stuff. You wouldn’t understand.” She smirks; then Dean pokes her side and she lets out a giggle; it’s a sweet, quiet sound, like the hum of a bird or the wind wisping through the trees, and it makes the pit in the elder Winchester’s stomach from earlier yawn open.

 As Y/N speaks with her sister, the elder Winchester feels a flood of melancholy coming on. He can always tell when it’s happening; it’s like watching everything around you happening at a normal pace when all of a sudden things are slowed down, sluggish, delayed. That’s what Dean feels like right now. He loathes it.

 The evening is electric and dressed in a celebratory energy. More guests have arrived for the dinner, all pouring in in massive crowds and gaudy sartorial dresses. Dean has to stand when he greets them all, offering an amiable smile, the occasional hug and peck as they all fawn—oh my God, the Dean? Y/N’s Dean?

 It gets annoying having to hear everybody so jubilant over meeting him, at a point. They’re excited to be meeting their sister’s boyfriend, their niece’s lover, the man whom she, too, shall bring back here to Boston in a few years to wed. To them, Dean assumes, meeting him is a gateway to another one of this sartorial dinners just a few years ahead.

 To him, it’s plain insulting.

 Why did he even agree to this? Playing pretend had seemed less tedious in his mind. Doing it now, the elder Winchester is wrought with negative emotions; with jealousies and blind resentments and a bitterness because he shall have anything but this future with Y/N, and God, is he pissed.

 “Dean,” She says, pulling him from his reverie. Aunt Steph and good ol’ Gary sit across from them, sipping on some champagne and laughing with Y/N’s parents, and to their left is S/P/N and Japheth. Everyone is laughing and chatting and the air reeks of jubilance, except for the corner where a heavy grey cloud hangs over Dean’s head.

 Y/N’s hand is on his as he turns to her, her y/e/c eyes trained intently on his. “What’s wrong?” She pries. He has to say something. Lying would only act as a catalyst for his negative emotions (lying to Y/N, at least). So, instead, Dean heaves a heavy breaths and gathers the feelings in his chest into a single nest.

 “Nothing’s wrong.” He says. “I’m just trying to let this all sink in. Your family. It’s pretty overwhelming meeting all the people in your life who mean the world to you.”

 “I’m sorry if this isn’t how you planned to spend the next two weeks, Dean.” Y/N’s gaze falters, moving to their hands loosely draped over each other.  

 Dean’s eyes follow. He shrugs and, taking her hand in his, slowly links them together absentmindedly. Their fingers fit perfectly, like a key slipping into a lock, like a tight knot, and he tries to ignore it.

 “Don’t be, Y/N.” He replies. “Besides—I’m the one who offered this in the first place. I don’t really have the luxury of complaining.”

 “Should I give it to you?”

  “Keep it.”

 “Sure?

 When Dean finally looks up, he finds Y/N’s eyes trained on him, her lips pulled back in pleasant smile. In the background, the music slows to a stop as it shifts to the next song. More upbeat, more jazzy and fun. The room’s chatter provides the perfect undertone, but Dean ignores it—all of it, because all he can focus on right now is Y/N.

 His Y/N. For tonight, for two weeks.

 Whatever.

 He’ll take what he can get, even if it’s having the honor of playing her boyfriend for a period of time and then going back to being just her best-friend; to being her Dean and not her Dean.  Going back to a life where she sees their relationship, although intense, as nothing more than a deep friendship.

 It’s only been a few hours, but it’s crazy how much can be revealed to you in such a span of time. Dean sees it now—sees Y/N and, even if he didn’t think it possible, even more of her than he already has. He sees Y/N in her element, with her family, with her friends and with a sense of mirth radiating off her…And as great as it is, all it does for him is nudge at the thought that he shall never be part of that.

 They mean a lot to each other, he knows that much, but today has made him wonder if he will ever be part of Y/N’s suburban life, whether he’ll breach past their life spent in the bunker and in pages of lore and into that which holds this very idyllic essence.

 The thought, daunting and unfortunately saddening, hits the elder Winchester like a ton of bricks. He immediately turns away. He rests his focus on something—anything—that isn’t Y/N smiling at him and causing an uproar in the space behind his heart.

 The night simmers on, laced with laughter and chatter and smiles too bright for Dean to bare. He only watches from the sidelines, an observer, a spectator...Y/N is the center of the orbit that is the eclectic crowd. She smiles and the entire room responds with an abundance of simpers; her laugh is a mellifluous symphony overpowering the music, her eyes glint like the stars in the sky and she throws her head back and captivates the attention of everyone in the room. She reels them all in like a magnet, like she’s magic…

 And to Dean she is…

 She always has been and always will be. She is ethereal and glimmering and inside her is a flame and a tornado and such vehemence that would tear a mere mortal apart, but doesn’t even scratch her skin the slightest.

 Y/N is magic and she will always be magic, and Dean knows this. He wishes he didn’t, but he does, and it hurts…Because the hollowness in his chest that comes from watching her so radiant makes him wonder why he said yes to the torture of being just another planet in her orbit in the first place…

 ~*~

 The list is exceedingly long, but what stands out predominantly on the account of things they were meant to discuss before they left home (but didn’t), is the sleeping arrangement.

 Standing in their hotel bedroom, the elder Winchester stares at the single bed, at the six fat pillows nested at the head and the vast comforter definitely two huge for two. It’s a lover’s suit; of course the hotel would be expecting customer’s to be doing anything but sleeping in these sheets, but Dean’s case is the exception.

 Y/N is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. The sound of the shower running echoes throughout the otherwise silent room and the elder Winchester feels a small welt of nervousness claw at his belly. They’ve shared beds before. This shouldn’t be a big deal…

 But…

 God, he’s acting like a teenage boy with this. It’s not that hard, Dean tells himself. They can even divide it into two regions if they want, Y/N’s, and then the extremely comfy one with the extra pillow for him. They can sort this out. It doesn’t have to be awkward, eh tries to reason, but something tugs at his gut and tells him otherwise, because Dean feels all sorts of anxious.

 Maybe it’s the thought of lying to sleep with her after the mortal sin they’ve just committed throughout the day: fraud. Artifice. Maybe, Dean thinks, it’s the fact that they’ll have to pretend to be together even as they lay to sleep that terrifies him maybe it’s the lover’s suit. He and Y/N are anything but. All the times they’ve slept in the same bed in the past, it’s been in dingy, itchy, sketchy motels, not five stars hotels that probably provide complimentary condoms.

 He lifts the thick blanket on the bed and crawls under it, trying to get comfortable. The bed is cloud, embracing him, engulfing him into its form like it’s an amoeba and him its prey. God, this is comfy. Dean’s eyes flutter and he tips his head back in subtle ecstasy.

 Right at that moment, the door to the bathroom swings open.

 Y/N stomps out in pajama shorts and a towel clasped tightly to her chest, eyes wide as she glimpses around the room. Opening his eyes, Dean then ctaches her gaze.

 “Sorry.” She apologizes and points to her beg at the foot of the bed. “I just need my shirt from my suitcase. Don’t look!”

 “No promises.” But he doesn’t, instead covering his eyes with one hand. He hears the patter of feet and the rustling of clothes as Y/N retrieves the garment, then rushes back into the bathroom. When she returns, a moment later, this time she’s fully clothed.

 “The pressure here is ace.” Y/N says, holding her fingers up in an appropriate gesture as she saunters towards the bed. She hauls her bag off and onto the floor, then climbs up, pushing the blanket aside.

 “I can’t remember the last time I took a shower and didn’t want to get out.”

 Dean lowers his hand and looks at her; hair wet and clinging to her skin, her face is bare, all the makeup from today washed away into the drain. A few pimples dot the surface of her cheeks and, although feint, there’s a single splatter of freckles just below her jaw line that Dean always finds himself admiring.

 “That’s good to know. In other news: the sleeping arrangement. How’s this gonna work?”

 “You mean top or bottom?”

 “Grow up.”

 Y/N’s grin never falters as she laughs. “I don’t really mind, Dean. If it bothers you, you could always take the floor.”

 “I never said it bothers me…”

 “Does it?”

 Her eyes are staring intently into his and he’s trying too damn hard to not get caught up in them. He shouldn’t. the moment is far from appropriate. She’s basically telling him to get out of the bed and spend the night on the floor like a hound, and heaven be damned if Dean is going to let himself focus on anything but defending himself.

 So he tips his head back slightly, locks his eyes on hers, and says, “Not at all.”

 “Then goodnight, Winchester.” Y/N smiles, before turning the night-light off and wiggling further under the blanket.

 Dean mirrors her. He slides beneath it, letting it came up to his chest and closes his eyes. He can feel the steady beat of his heart, the pulse of his blood. Sleep hovers over him like a phantom but never once dares to preside.

 Minutes pass and he’s still awake. The elder Winchester fidgets, turning on his side, eyes meeting the bright glare of the moonlight invading the room. He checks his watch on the bedside table. Two am. Still up. His eyelids feel heavy and a yawn pries his mouth open, but Dean can’t sleep, and it’s an insomnia, the worst kind of insomnia, that he’s too familiar with.

 He’s dabbled in it in the past; with the mark of cain and in purgatory. When he was demon, when Sam was soulless and when Cas was presumed dead. Dean knows this plague, greets it like an old friend, doesn’t even bother fighting it, but there’s no denying that it’s annoying. He wants rest—needs it. The last thing he needs right now is a visit from this phantom that keeps him up, staring at the blank ceiling.

 A few seconds subside when silence is broken by hushed voice.

 “Dean ar—you’re awake?” Y/N rolls over, her droopy eyes meeting his.

 The elder Winchester nods silently. His eyes burn.

 “How come?”

 “I don’t know.”

 “What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t know why you can’t sleep?”

 “That’s what I just said.”

 The sheets shift. Y/N props herself up on her elbow, looking at him, her eyes still swimming with sleep. He wonders what woke her, but remains silent as he turns to meet her gaze.

 Y/N’s eyes are somber and intently set on him; there’s a weight on her heart for a moment, something that visibly bring out the worry in her gaze. “Nightmares?”

 She’s been with him through all of them; all those times mentioned, all those calamites in his life, Y/N has walked through them with Dean. Consequently, she can tell when something’s up. It’s comforting for Dean to know that’s she’s so in sync with him, that they’ve got this visceral connection that alerts her when something’s up, but unfortunately now it’s a bit of a false alarm.

 He shakes his head. “No. Just can’t sleep.”

 “Oh…” She voices simply and within a moment the solemnity fades. Then comes the sound of the sheets shifting, Y/N sitting up and she turns on the nightlight. The warm light right away glares onto the side of his face. Dean squints, lolling his head to the side.

 Y/N’s hair dangles around her face as she looks at him. “Anything I can do to help? Get a glass of water, sing you a lullaby?”

 “Rock me to sleep?” He supplements.

 She shrugs. “Anything.”

 Then, chuckling, elder Winchester turns away and allows his gaze to float back to the ceiling. y/N continues to speak in the background, going on about the day and tomorrow and how everything’s going to go down so that everything turns out as planned. She’s notified Sam already, apparently. Unlike Dean, he won’t have to do much besides be himself and distract Marilyn for the weekend…

 But for Dean, Y/N proclaims, it’s going to be a long two weeks: he’s going to have to do a lot more than he’d anticipated; more work, more fraud. For the following days he must wear his disguise as though it is anything but…and the funny thing? Dean knows it’s going to be elementary…

 Because they can only get so much closer.

 Because they, before today, already spent nights in bed chatting about everything and anything that came to mind; because he already used to walk inches close to her and comb his fingers through her hair and laugh and feel (God, did he feel), and so maybe this is going to be a walk in the park. Maybe it will be easy, Dean thinks—until he’s reminded of earlier at dinner and the gaping hole in his chest.

                                                       ~*~*~

Part 4

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[iputaspxllonyou]

“  Went down to Tin Pan Alley See what was going on Things was too hot down there Couldn't stay very long.”

      -- Tin Pan Alley, Stevie Ray Vaughan

Author's Note: Well, I was talking Klonnie with @irresistible-revolution​ one of these times and I was listening to some blues music at the time, and really, all this started from the flash of a slow dancing scene in my head. And then I was looking for something to do with a bunch of excess energy and listening to a blues playlist yet again, and here this is. I'm gonna preface this by saying second person point of view isn't for everyone. And I don't often write in it. But this is how it demanded to be written, so this is the way it came out.

The songs quoted and a few others that helped inspire this mess:

Tin Pan Alley – Stevie Ray Vaughan

My Time After While – Buddy Guy

What Kind of Woman is This? – Buddy Guy

Rock Me Baby – BB King

Pride and Joy – Stevie Ray Vaughan

I Came Up Hard – Buddy Guy

Never Gonna Change – Buddy Guy

Out in the Woods – Buddy Guy

You've come a long way to make this journey. This pilgrimage, one might say.

You haven't been a vampire for long. A year, year and a half maybe, the months seem to draw together at this time. You have to re-learn time again when you are dead and unborn. It still passes, you just don't always pass with it.

But you have made it, you think, in a timely enough fashion. He should still be here, the one you've come to see. The one you've heard about. He who is Klaus Mikaelson. Once Original vampire, now Original hybrid. His name travels farther than his face does. You are only from the west coast of the United States, but through your efforts have only met two vampires that can actually say what a Klaus Mikaelson looks like.

To their credit, his features do not sound very distinguishable. Tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, handsome, smiling mouth and silver tongue. Unless he is speaking, he might be difficult to pick out in an otherwise diverse crowd.

And insofar, that is true. You are in New Orleans. You were told this bar is one he frequents, and in fact, he's probably in attendance tonight. You just don't know where.

It's only been a year, year and a half, since you turned. And yet it still feels like you're learning, learning, learning, still learning. Your super senses are young and dumb and sometimes you listen too hard and give yourself a headache, or look too hard and go cross-eyed. You can't tell the difference between smelling another vampire and just smelling another vampire on somebody else. The one who made you is a terrible teacher, but you don't know that yet. You won't know that for another six months. It isn't his fault, he's not a very old vampire himself. One of those new age, black leather and greasy hair God complex types. You try not to spend much time with him.

You know enough that there are vampires in the bar. Also witches and humans, and something else you can't quite put your finger on but that just seems to be New Orleans. Oh you can't help that, we're all mad here.

No one has their fangs out though. It's all low conversation, indolent flirtation and loud bursts of laughter. The clinking of glasses in hands and on top of the bar. Old dark wood that's swollen with moisture and age but glazed to hide the years. Cigarette smoke near the door and clusters of people to generate it.

There must be a band playing at some point. But for the time being, the only music comes from a Wurlitzer 1015 against the wall. With its neon lights and lazy bubbles, it's electric blues guitar and crooning voice,

" Tin Pan Alley's the roughest place I've ever been. All the people down there livin' for their whiskey, wine and gin."

You wonder if this is somebody's idea of a joke. Such a plain place and the Original hybrid, Klaus Mikaelson, is supposed to be here? And how will you know exactly if he is? Surely, the man doesn't walk around in full hybrid form; whatever that might be. Would it do any good to ask for him directly? That might send the wrong signal. He is king here. He is king everywhere, with the power to kill all creatures and never be touched by death himself. To not only be one of the Old Ones as you've heard him called, but also deathless. Has he always been here, you wonder? He has been here before you, and he'll still be here after you. The world of vampires is one of violence, you are young, but you hold no illusions of reaching a thousand years yourself. The first hundred years are the hardest.

Maybe he'll look different. Maybe he's that guy that just walked in. Or maybe he's in the bathroom. Maybe he's the guy nursing a watered down drink to your extreme left. Or maybe he's feeding out back. Or maybe he's even less obvious.

Like that nervous looking dark haired guy (kid? Does anybody know when Klaus was turned? Was he turned? Maybe you should ask if you meet him) talking to the smiling dark-skinned man next to him. Or maybe that's Klaus. A convenient way to hide himself in public, claim to be blond haired and blue eyed when he's really brown eyed and brown skinned. He looks like he's used to being in charge. Self-assured. Easy, confident smile. Busy hands and animated conversation. Extremely good-looking, and just as charming. You can tell by the collection of females gathering around him. He doesn't go long without getting a smile or a small chorus of laughs. You try to focus your hearing for the drop of the hybrid's name. It happens, but it's nothing definitive. Unless Klaus is the kind of guy to talk about himself in the third person at length.

So that one is a maybe.

Then there's this couple in what isn't exactly a dance floor, it's just open space where there are no tables and no stools. Buddy Guy going on about how it's his time after awhile isn't exactly the kind of music you dance to. But, they aren't exactly dancing to it either. More like the lazy sway, not quite rotation, of their own little private world. The woman is short, the man only has one hand at the small of her back, but really, one hand is all he needs to hold onto her. The other hand has what probably used to be a chilled beer in it. Every once and a while he drinks from it, but not once does he take his eyes off the girl. His girl.

This could be Klaus. He's blond haired and blue eyed. But there was no mention in the legend and tales told to you about a woman. Not in the way that this is his woman. She could just be someone he met tonight. She could just be a ship passing in the night. But even with your young, dumb senses, you know it's more than that. Passing ships don't look at each other like that. Don't dock together with such ease and intimacy without fear of collision, damage and destruction. To ultimately break apart and sink because the hull couldn't protect the heart.

" Only you would try to sweet talk me to a song about an unfaithful woman and a mistreated man."

" Well it's not my woman that's unfaithful, love. Mine treats me pretty well. And it's our time, not just mine."

They belong to each other.

This slip of a girl in a modest black dress, that he won't let out of his sight, can't stop touching, you can't see her face. But she must be pretty. She must be kind. She must be something special for a man to look at her like that. What you can see certainly doesn't hurt. Warm, brown skin. Long, shapely legs. The nice curve of her backside. Slender arms that are locked around the man's neck. Dark brown curls that spill over her shoulders. The rest of her is hidden, nearly enveloped by him. You think it might be safer to focus on his looks instead. Just in case he is Klaus. His reputation doesn't paint him as a man who would tolerate another's lingering gaze for long. You didn't come all this way to meet him and then die a violent death because you were curious.

So this contender fits the description, he must be some sort of charming to have such a pretty girl on his arm. Just as enamored with him as he is with her, for she hasn't turned her head once either. Part of you wants to listen in, to see if she calls him by name. But such an intrusion seems unforgivable. Even enemy threats are delivered here with a certain formality and the illusion of sympathy. Southern hospitality and all that.

The man's clothing doesn't clear anything up though. Black jeans, black boots and a white long-sleeved shirt that almost looks a size too small. The few buttons at the top have no hope of ever meeting the holes they were sewn no for. God only knows why he bothers with the sleeves. They're rolled up. But who the hell could blame him with how hot and muggy it is here in Louisiana? No wonder they call it the Bible Belt, the South must be a prerequisite for hell. If you don't like the heat here, you better get right before you get any lower.

The only really distinguishing things about his appearance are his height, his build and the multitude of necklaces around his neck. You can't help but wonder if he is one of the witches you sense.

They are stationary long after the song is over, if they were ever really listening to begin with. Wrapped up in the orbit of each other, they don't even break to return to the bar. Their hands are joined, fingers interlocked as the tall blond leads the way. The crowd that is building parts for them. What must be an empty beer bottle now gets casually tossed into a big gray garbage can at the complete other end of the bar. Over the heads of patrons, over your head, and the two working bartenders to land with a loud clicking and the rustling of the black plastic bag. A small round of applause breaks out. A few more humorous souls hold up napkins with the number ten written on them. Except the dark-skinned man you saw earlier. His napkin has a 9.5 on it and he's shaking his head in faux disappointment.

The petite woman is amused, but her boyfriend only snorts and beckons a bartender over. " Round of drinks on me, mate."

Another, louder round of applause follows. This time with cheering.

" Except for that bloke down there. The smartass with the 9.5 on his napkin. He gets half of whatever he's drinking."

Now it's the other guy's turn to look offended and snort. His arms raise in a "dude, seriously?" gesture. You think this one might be Klaus after all. Who would not buy Klaus Mikaelson a drink? Even if he did criticize something you did. You tense, unsure if violence is about to break out. You've seen hearts ripped out, heads taken off and necks snapped for far less.

But it doesn't come to that at all. In fact, the tall blond, with a surprisingly powerful voice, just points at his critic. " You can have the rest of your bloody drink when I have the rest of my points." Then he sort of gestures towards the dark-haired male that's been at his side. " Or you can kill Josh and take all of his."

The dark-haired male, so named Josh, laughs a bit nervously and tries to play up the fact that it is a joke. Even your young, dumb senses can suss out his underlying fear. " Hah. Ha. Yoooooou. You're such a kidder." When the dark-skinned male does turn to look at him in contemplation though, Josh jumps and looks between them. " He—He was kidding. You don't want this drink. There was a strawberry in it, and I already ate it. It's all ice and seeds—"

Both of them laugh at this Josh' thinly veiled panic.

You're convinced now. One of these men must be Klaus.

Everyone is amused by the exchange except for the petite woman still attached to the blond male's arm. Her lovely pink lips purse and she tugs on his arm to get his full attention. " Nicholas-" she begins in her chiding tone.

" Nicholas," he mocks right back, cutting her off. " That's what you sound like."

Immediately, her mouth shuts and she makes a soft noise of exasperation. Then proceeds to release his hand so she can poke him in the side. Or at least she tries to. He must have seen that response coming because his arm is quick block such an assault. Now he's the one with the chiding tone and stern finger in her direction. " 'ey. None of that."

" That's what I thought." She takes it about as seriously as he does. The hand that she had been using to prod him, instead wraps around his bicep and she leans up to take a kiss he readily gives. Then it has to move up to his chest to push him back when he chases her lips to get another. She intends to leave him, but only to go to the ladies' room. Her laughter is full of the silly, happy, seemingly eternal love found in 80s movies and doo wop songs.

His love is not of that decade, maybe not even that era. But it's there all the same. " Yeah, that's right," he taunts as he turns his body to follow her departure. " You better run, witch."

" You better watch your back."

" I'd much rather watch yours."

And he isn't the least bit subtle about the way he does just that.

You think of a clever solution to your problem in the meantime. Perhaps you can find out in a round about way who here is Klaus Mikaelson. You'll just ask the bartender. Surely, if he frequents this place, then they must know him.

You strategically place yourself near enough to both men you think Klaus might be, and flag yourself down a cheap beer. Then you casually, or what you hope is casually, ask if the hybrid has been around lately.

The blond male to your left lets out a sigh that is a thousand years weary and perhaps a bit disgusted. " What's he done this time?"

" What doesn't he do?" The accusation comes from your right. The man with the 9.5 napkin. " He's always meddling in something."

" Oh, sod off," snaps the blond in that powerful voice of his. Only it's accompanied by another one of his accurate tosses. It isn't thick glass this time, though, only ice. Which his antagonize (you think, probably his good friend) fails to block. " Who asked you Marcel?"

" Hey, hey!" The bad thing about being pelted with ice, is even if it doesn't hit it's exact target—if it hits you at all in fact—you still get wet. And cold. And stay that way until you dry. " A grown-ass man throwin' ice at folks for no good reason. Now that's a damn shame. When Bonnie gets back, I'm telling."

" You're gonna keep your bloody mouth shut," threatens. . . Nicholas? You think that's what his girlfriend, Bonnie, called him. " Before I find something bigger to throw at you."

" So, not Bonnie?"

There's the abrupt, harsh sound of wood grinding against wood when Nicholas stands up. Men, vampires, werewolves, hybrids, only move like that when they're about to get into a fight. You think he might forgo the whole 'finding of something bigger' and just plain throw Marcel. Not that he's worried. He's quite pleased with himself for causing such a reaction.

He's even more pleased when Bonnie returns and automatically catches hold of Nicholas' arm. " Whoa, what are you doing? Why are you going to beat up Marcel? What did he do to you?"

" Marcel," the charming, dark-skinned male stresses his own name and his own innocence. " Didn't do anything. I was just being helpful and friendly to a tourist."

Unwilling to separate himself from his small girlfriend, Nicholas only snorts and pulls her around behind him to take his seat instead. He claims the one at her side, but it's the side closest to Marcel. Possessive. " Don't let that man lie to you, love. He started it."

" You started it," snaps Marcel with the same efficiency Nicholas displayed earlier. " You always start it. Listen," and suddenly the attention is back on you again. Marcel bumps your arm to draw you back into the conversation, then gestures to Bonnie. " Tell the lovely lady why you're visiting. Tell her what Klaus did this time and she'll punish him for it."

You don't know how to handle this. Caught between not two Klauses, but still people more powerful and familiar with each other than you. You decide to just be honest and maybe settle for clearing up your confusion in case one of them does actually kill you. " I just came to see Klaus, but I'm not exactly sure who he is."

And in the moment after you speak, the bar goes dead silent.

Everyone is staring at you.

It feels like when you were in elementary school and you were called to the board to answer a question everyone knew you couldn't answer.

All these super senses of yours do you no favors as you become more and more hyper aware of all the eyes drilling into you. Are you about to be torn apart? Is your ignorance about to be your undoing?

You just barely keep from flinching with someone speaks. Bonnie. The petite girlfriend who now has her arms locked around Nicholas' shoulders so she is not body blocked out of the conversation but also does not agitate his jealousy. " Raise your hand, Klaus."

Nicholas raises the hand without the beer in it.

And he is the only one who does so.

Wait, what?

" But. . ." You're even more confused now. Is this a joke? Is this what they do to people who come looking for the Original hybrid? Distract and disorient their prey before they murder and feed? " I heard her call you Nicholas."

The bar erupts into the loudest round of laughter yet. You are undead and yet you flush down to your neck, feeling very much the butt of a local joke. Have you come all this way just to be made to look stupid?

Nichol—Klaus might put you out of your misery though. He is no longer entertained by your out-of-town-ness. He says a few words lowly in a language you don't understand. But your instincts understand the language he says them in is old. Older than you certainly. You don't know if that's a good sign or a bad one. " You went to public school, didn't you, mate?"

" That is so rude." Bonnie sighs and covers his mouth with one of her hands. " I'm sorry about him. I just can't take him anywhere." Just as quickly as she put her hand there, she removes it with a little squeak. She shakes that hand and you can smell a hint of blood in the air. After she makes checks over her wound, the small woman clicks her tongue and swats him with that same hand. " Keep your fangs to yourself, Niklaus!"

" That's right. NI-KLAUS," emphasizes the hybrid. You'd say he was sulking if his expression wasn't mostly blocked by taking Bonnie's hand to his mouth to collect her blood and soothe the nick he gave her. " Not Nicholas. Your American school system is rubbish and so is your bloody hearing."

You at least have to concede the second point.

" Now that you've found me, mate, what is it you want with me?" He's looking for a fight and you know it. You've offended him. You've pissed off Klaus Mikaelson. The exact thing you didn't want to do and you've taken exactly all night to do it.

In your haste to remedy the situation, save your neck and appease him all at once, you drop to your knee. He is the Vampire (or is it Hybrid?) King of New Orleans, and that's what people do in front of the Queen of England. You figure it's the same thing. Same level of respect. You have to do something. Say something. Words are coming out and you don't immediately realize it is you that is babbling like that, but now you can't stop. " Nothing, sire, I don't want any problems, I just haven't been a vampire long—only a year, really—and I heard about you, and you exist and—and it's like being human and meeting Superman."

Except your move alarms him, and before your knee actually makes contact with the hardwood floor, he's grabbed you by the arm. You can't process his speed. And his strength leaves no room for argument. " Get off the floor, mate, it's filthy down there."

" Oh God," groans Marcel from somewhere behind you. " Superman? Superman? Have you actually seen a Superman movie before? A comic book? Hell, a t-shirt! Any of them? Even the bad ones? I don't think you have because of the thing you just said."

Even Bonnie, who seems the most patient of all, has dropped her head down onto the hybrid's shoulder. " Noooooo, you didn't just say that. You don't know what you've done."

The mood is inverted. Klaus is now the one that is highly entertained while everyone else is sour. You think this is good. Except for the part where he silences his girlfriend with a few fingers over her lips. " Pay no attention to the complaints of my subjects."

You're about to say something, hopefully the right thing. But in another reversal, Bonnie attempts to bite his hand. For the second time that night, she is too slow.

" Oi." His hand draws away from her human teeth and captures her jaw. Though he only turns his head to address her, you know she has his full attention despite what he said. " Behave yourself," he says in a voice just for her. " Daddy's talking."

This time she does bite him. You don't need super senses to know it's just because he allows it. He probably likes it seeing as he hasn't let go. She has to hit his hand away. " Give me money for the jukebox, I want to pick another song."

" So what're you telling me for?" He huffs and gestures towards her. " You have my wallet. You have literally have all of my money at your disposal. Pick several songs. Pick all of them. Hell, pick the whole bloody machine, we'll take it home with us. I'll just carry it out. Man of Steel, and what not."

" Dammit." Bonnie looks at you, and all at once, you see why this slip of a girl is his significant other. Those green eyes of hers flash irritation and you have the sudden image of yourself on fire. It's there and gone, but you could swear you smell smoke. " Look what you did. He's gonna talk like that for a week now! You're just visiting, the rest of us have to live here with him."

Evidently that's all the backsass Klaus intends to have from her. He makes a lazy swipe at her skirt—you've seen him move faster, much faster, even with alcohol in his system—to send her on her way. " Off with you, witch. Onto your music and such before I change my mind."

Her hands swat at the air as she doesn't put much effort into keeping him from her legs. You wonder if it's always like that when a vampire gets together with a witch. Or a werewolf with a witch. Or just a Klaus with a Bonnie. You wonder if you have a chance at something like that yourself in your meager years, nevermind a thousand.

" You've come a long way just to meet me, mate, and I'm very flattered, I have to say. I'm willing to entertain any questions you might have, and you are free to share this information with your friends back home. It has been quite some time since I spent any significant amount of time in sunny California. You are also welcome to explore my city and experience all it has to offer. . ." It sounds like the end of a sentence, but it's hanging. You're left hanging with it while he gazes thoughtfully at his now empty glass. " But do not mistake my kindness for weakness. If you have been sent against me or my family, not only will I kill you, and the one who turned you, but I will extinguish both your bloodlines. Vampire and human. I will kill everything you've ever loved and hated, so not one trace of you is left on this earth. I will make you a legend myself. One that will be quietly spoken of the next time such a foolish plan is suggested by anyone. You'll have a story, one way or the other."

I live out in the woods. People, I got wolves' blood in my veins.

I live way out in the woods. People, you know, I've got wolves' blood in my veins.

Well, you know, the crocodiles and the foxes and the grizzles,

They all know me by name.

Then it isn't just Buddy Guy singing. Then he says your name. Your full name.

And only now do you realize that you have not given him your name to address you as such. You never told him where you came from.

You can't hear the drums anymore because your heartbeat is much louder in your ears.

Well, when I was a little boy,

I used to crawl around in the grass with rattlesnakes.

Now I'm a full grown man.

Alligators is my associates.

Let me explains this. . .

When you feel the bar's eyes upon you again, it's not because they are entertained. It is not because they are sour or curious. It is because they are also Klaus Mikaelson. Because they look at you with the eyes of predators. You are in danger of being torn apart. Marcel is no longer smiling. And perhaps, the most disturbing of all, the nervous Josh has the same look. He might routinely fear Klaus and Marcel, but he does not fear you. You should fear him. You should fear all of them. You would never make it to the door.

I still live way out in the woods.

People, you know I ain't afraid of nothin'.

Klaus says your name again. Your full name. It makes you want to get back on your knees.

He wants to be sure that you understand.

And you do.

You understand the Original hybrid.

You've seen the half that is Niklaus. Who is playful and easy-going. Who has friends and family. A crown and a city. A witch and a woman. All that must have been won hard and must be loved hard after the fact.

And now you see the half that is Klaus Mikaelson. Who is willing to take just as much away from you, and anyone else he needs to in the name of preserving it.

If you come into my woods,

You just might lose your tail.