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witch-hazels-musings · 2 years

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days of sorrow

warning: angst - no comfort (reader death*) | one curse word (F)

includes: Albedo (eleazar sickness - mentions of wheelchair, losing the ability to walk, think, function), Diluc (illness undefined), Thoma (illness - cancer)

character x gn reader | anthology

request (reader is sick and doesn’t go out with grace (these are rough yall)) & collaboration - @versadies Farewell Love event -- “what’s wrong with me?” | this broke me

Albedo

relationships, connections, these were not what he imagined he’d have in his life - sure, there were a select few that would always be there but to find himself so eager to spend time with you, to learn more about you, to fall in this ‘so called love,’ it was all so new

“Master Albedo,” one of the attendants interrupted him and his research. He glanced up to greet them and an unfamiliar face standing at side, “This is y/n, the biologist from Sumeru.” They ushered you forward, Albedo noticed the curiosity in you as you scanned your surroundings. Your hand extended toward him, a formal greeting, but your bright eyes and wonderful smile were given to the room.

Chuckling, you finally turned to look at him as your hand curled around his in a friendly hand-shake, “You have such an astonishing research facility Chief Alchemist. I hope you don’t mind, but I did a little research on your work during my travels. You’re work is fascinating and, well, I’m honored to work alongside you.”

Albedo sensed the connection the moment you touched him, the second he saw the purity in your eyes, the curiosity he knew so well. Kindred spirits finding each other; sharing in their joy. “Well,” he spoke, clearing his throat, “I do hope you learn as much as you are willing to teach -”

“Absolutely, Chief Alchemist,” you replied with a small bow of your head.

“Please, Albedo is fine.”

You laughed, a nervous one or an apologetic one, he wasn’t sure, but he liked the sound of it nevertheless, “Of course,” you released his hand and made your way to an empty work station, the one next to his, “so, shall we get started, Albedo?”

as a being unlike anything else in this world, Albedo knew his physiology would set him apart from the normal ailments, terminal illnesses, and death that plagued others

it never occurred to him to concern himself over his health, and it never occurred to him he’d suddenly become consumed by the subject

Albedo made his way down the hall to his office. It was a slow morning, not many students made their way to the lab so the halls were quiet, unobtrusive to his thoughts. He carried two cups of tea in his left hand, the steam from the hot liquid filled his nose and though he couldn’t see you, the thought of you ran through his mind.

The office door was slightly ajar, inside he found you standing next to the chalkboard writing a few notes here and there. Every once in a while you shook your arm as if something was bothering you.

“How’s it going?” Albedo asked as he placed the cups on the desk behind you. Without missing a beat, he picked one up and offered it to you. The cup touched your arm so you twisted to accept it; Albedo couldn’t help but notice how much your hand trembled, struggled to hold the cups weight.

Has it already gotten this bad?

“My calculations seem to be off but I’ve ran this, like, ten times already and I don’t know what’s wrong,” you let out an exasperated sigh before taking a sip of the tea. A gentle smile pulled at your lips and a soft hum told him you liked it, “This is a great pick-me-up.” You were still holding the chalk in your hand when you pulled it up to surround the mug in your palms. Sip after sip you continued to smile as you gazed at the problem on the chalkboard.

“Perhaps its not something within the equation,” Albedo moved to grab another chalk, but before he approached the board, he returned to retrieve your notebook. “Ah, I see.” He moved to erase a few numbers you’d written on the side. As soon as he finished, you exclaimed at his revelation.

“OH! Of course, how stupid of me.” Quickly, you placed the cup down and began to correct the numbers in your formula. As you did, Albedo noticed the black marking on your arm, and based on his internal measurements, it was spreading.

Albedo prided himself on knowing so much -- how frustrating was it when the knowledge he sought provided nothing but pitiful apologies

some genius he turned out to be

You lost the ability to walk weeks ago. It was surprising how difficult it was to make your way around Mondstadt in a wheelchair so you were confined to the grounds of the Knights Headquarters. Luckily for you, there was enough commotion on a good day to keep you entertained, and your research kept you plenty busy. That was when your focus wasn’t poor, or your mind wasn’t fuzzy and disconnected.

It was frustrating trying to work when your mind refused to cooperate. Irritation was a new reoccurring emotion for you but you tried to push through. You refused to let this sickness take more from you, even though it had already taken your legs and was slowly taking your arms.

You weren’t sure what was going on with your body, but Albedo assured you he was working on a cure - and you trusted him, right? The only problem was you wanted to help him, wanted to know more, understand why your body was failing you, why the black, scale-like rashes kept spreading and taking everything with it. You wanted to put your faith in him but you were scared and he wasn’t telling you anything.

A few days after you were confined to a wheelchair, Albedo disappeared behind closed doors. You were slowly losing yourself, you didn’t need to lose him too.

Disturbing him wasn’t something you wanted to do, but you were desperate. Desperate for answers, for comfort, to see his face once again, to hear him -- before it was all too late, you wanted to know him once more.

“A-Albedo?” You called out in the dim light of his office, the fingers you curled around the wheels grew weaker with every grip, every push, but you refused to give up. It strained your voice to speak louder, your chest stung as you called to him again, but seeing him hunched over a table, books spread, tossed aside as if they were no longer useful to him. Scattered notes and torn hopes laying everywhere they fell while he poured himself into a solution, a reason that would never reveal itself to him. It was clear he needed you just as much as you needed him.

“Albedo ...” you spoke and he turned to see you. Eyes lost, shrouded in dark circles and red skin, graphite touching his cheeks as if he’d fallen asleep on his notes again. He saw you and the color he didn’t have faded from his face, “... what’s wrong with me?” You asked, but he couldn’t answer you.

death, it’s only the beginning - what a load of crap

Albedo rarely left your side after that night. The night where the moon was hidden by the clouds and his discovery yielded nothing. In the hours you slept, he snuck away to the study to search more, test again, find a solution but failure after failure he found himself spent. In the few hours you seemed to see grasp your surroundings he would talk to you, read to you, and share with you discoveries as they occurred, but mostly he would hold your hand and become fixated on it’s changing color.

“... be..o,” you whispered as best you could. It seemed the disease was finally taking the last bit of your will with it. “... on’t wanna go ...”

Albedo moved toward you, his body barely resting on the edge of the chair as he leaned to wipe the tears from your cheeks. Lately, they didn’t seem to stop falling. He began to speak but, in all the pitiful sounds you could muster, you cut him off.

“nnng ... non done ... on’t wanna ...” In your head you were screaming, with every fiber of your being you were screaming to communicate to him but the words refused to come out. “I ... lob .. you ... wanna ...”

Albedo -- I don’t want this to happen -- I don’t want to lose myself and forget you -- please don’t let me forget you too -- why is this happening to me --

“Don’t give up” Albedo replied as he pressed his forehead to yours, “I believe there is an answer to this. I will find it. I will find it,” he repeated while you tried to tell him every little thing that ran through your veins.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Let me stay ...

A few days later you slipped into a coma until, ultimately, you slipped away from him completely.

He watched as the light that entered his lab faded in cognition and function. He witnessed your determination to fight against the sickness that cared little for your own willpower, all the while he was helpless to stop it.

It took him weeks to enter the spaces you once occupied. He feared he’d hear your voice calling out to him, or hear your laughter in the sunlight. He dreaded feeling you over his shoulder only to turn around and find you out of his reach. He’d watched people pass, but this was unlike any parting he ever had to make.

Albedo slumped into his desk chair, his absentminded hands drifted over the places he could remember you in. The sound of you working on the chalkboard, the rustle of paper and pen, the soft muttering as you read, the opening and closing of drawers as you moved around his items to make room for your own. He pulled open the top left drawer and laughed at how he could never find anything without you and that’s when he saw a letter. On the surface was his name written in your handwriting.

Desperate, terrified, he lingered over it until he could bear it no longer. Albedo wept as he soaked in the words you were never able to tell him:

Albedo,

I wanted to thank you. From the moment we met, you were the person who was meant to be my partner in life. I’ve learned so much from you that I wish I had the time to pay it back tenfold. You pushed me, challenged me, encouraged me and helped me. I can’t ask for more but [words are smudged and unreadable]

I know we were distracted from the research I originally came to assist you with, so I’ve written out a few notes that I think will aid you since, well, I am no longer there to do so myself.

Truthfully, I didn’t want to go. No one ever wants to die, especially when they have someone like you by their side, but even though I am no longer with you, please don’t blame yourself. I never did.

I [the words are blurred by tear stains] answers are out there, if anyone can find them, you can. Save the next person for me, okay? Oh, but, don’t forget [word is smudged] your life ... live your life, Albedo.

I will always love you, Chief Alchemist

y/n

Diluc

he never imagined in his life he’d fall for someone, so while he worried and contemplated the truth of his feelings, he dreaded the thought of his darkness rubbing off on you - how could have have ever known that no amount of saving, spending, fighting, would ever keep you in his arms

He found himself distracted by you every day. It didn’t matter what you did, where you went, or how you carried yourself - to him you were always the best sight in the world to see. Today was like any other, perfect from dawn to dusk until, suddenly, every nightmarish fear came crashing through his heart like a monster destroys a home.

You were busy by the grape vines, your face showed no signs of discomfort but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. When the two of you woke up, seemed you moved slower than normal and, every once in awhile, you winced for no reason. You passed it off as nothing, a gentle pat on his arm to let him know you were okay, a soft smile and a reassuring kiss against his scared skin. You said you were okay; he trusted you.

Diluc was busy talking to several of his employees when his eyes caught you fanning yourself and gripping onto the side of a cart; he was asked a question so he neglected the gnawing thoughts building in his chest.

A business conversation, a sentence half-made as his whole world came crashing down when the sound of someone desperately called your name. He was gone in an instant and pushed his way to you, bending knee holding you steady, hand cupping your face, blood going cold at the oddness of your skin. “I’m - I’m alright.” You panted, eyes heavy, focus distorted.

“Call the doctor. Now.” Diluc lifted you in his arms. He could hear you try to reassure him everything was fine but he couldn’t make it out over the scolding, reprimanding thoughts that whispered: he had failed you.

no one could have known, no one could have foreseen the outcome - but everyone could feel the suffering spilling from the bedroom

Maids glanced at the closed door as they went about their work, attendants reached for the knob or tried to spy the words inside only to be shooed away by Adelinde

when the doctor finally left and word spread of your fate, the once colorful winery slipped into grey

“Don’t push yourself.” Adelinde reminded you as she reached for your hand. Everything hurt. Your muscles ached, your head throbbed, the mere action of stepping out of the bathtub made you want to throw up. It wouldn’t have mattered much, you barely eat anything anyway. “Let me help.”

“I can do it myself -- ah!” You pushed her away only to stumble into the bathroom countertop. Your hands slipped on the marble surface, elbow crashing against it. That would surely leave a bruise.

“Y/N!”

“I said - I’m - I’m f-fine!” The tears began to fall and you crumpled to the floor while Adelinde surrounded you in the softest towels she could find and patiently waited for you to find your footing. “... wha-what’s wrong with me, Adelinde?” you trembled while she hushed your tears.

you were getting worse - every treatment ended up making you sicker, every idea was wasted, every hope shattered into despair

you just wanted to give up, but he never did

“Diluc.” You whispered against his hand. It was impossible for you to get up anymore. Walking was excruciating, bending your limps, your joints sent waves of discomfort through you. Your days were drawing to a close but, as if to buy you a little bit more time, Diluc confined you to the bed and spent every waking moment with you. “Hey, sleepy.” You called out to him but he didn’t answer. He was exhausted, you were exhausted, but there was a looming fear that if you closed your eyes you’d never see him again.

Trembling, you stretched your hand toward his face. It felt like your bones were shattering in your arms but you braved the pain for him. In the last few months you’d only ever seen him with a contorted, serious, hidden expression as if he were trying to stay strong. If only you had that resolve too, but you were terrified. Terrified of losing him, terrified of what was to come ... terrified of ... dying.

You missed those days when he courted you. Missed the days where he smiled in the shadow of the world, just so you could see him. Missed how he laughed and lifted you high, or held you close knowing you wouldn’t break in his arms. You missed the life that should have been yours, and you were furious it wouldn’t be.

“Please, please Barbados - give me more time.” Pulling his hand to your lips, you placed a wet kiss to them before turning into your pillow and crying until sleep forcibly took you.

the winery shut down - no more orders, no more wine, no more anything. Angels Share had turned into a place of prayer even though it seemed sacrilegious to beckon to the gods in a place where most people desired to get away from them

Diluc barely held himself together but he braved every day for you - but on this day - the day he lost you ...

“There’s no more time.” The doctor whispered to the broken man by the door. A heavy hand rested on his shoulder but it provided no comfort to his crumbling heart. “It’s best you ... say your goodbyes.” Diluc looked at the physician sharply as if his words offended him, but the quiet intruder only closed their eyes before slipping down the hall.

“D-Diluc.” You cried out and he, on shaking legs, made his way to your side.

“I’m here.” He replied, or at least he hoped he did. He wasn’t sure how to speak much these days.

“It hurts.” He knelt beside you, hands reaching for your own as his head fell onto the sheets that held your scent. “I think - I think ... Diluc ..” Your throat clenched and the tears began to fall. No matter what he did to brush them away, nothing mattered. “I don’t want to ... I can’t leave you.”

“It’s going to be alright,” He lied, unsure what else to say and hoping, maybe, if he believed in it strong enough it would come true. “You won’t.” He brushed your hair from your face, his fingers stroked your skin as he leaned in to kiss you.

“I’m scared.”

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, neither are you.” Your lips trembled, your watering eyes blocked out the world so you closed them. Diluc desperately wished you’d keep them open. Let him see, let him see you for as long as he could.

please don’t leave - please don’t leave - please don’t leave me too

You tried to speak but your breathing became erratic so he pressed his hand to your chest, softly guiding you with his words and his actions to ease your breathing, to calm you down but you couldn't. You could feel it, you knew it was time - and you were furious. Whining, crying, you reached for him neck and held on with all the strength you had left. “I don’t want to - I love --”

What does it feel like to hold onto your heart only to feel it slip away? It’s nothing anyone can ever explain but, for Diluc Ragnvindr, it’s a curse he can never escape.

You trembled, tightened your grip, tried to say his name in the voice he loved so much. He didn’t let you go until he realized you weren’t there anymore.

“Y/N?” Diluc lifted his head, eyes searching yours for a reply. For the first time in so long time he gazed at the relaxed, peaceful expression on your face. Deep down in his heart he knew what it meant. No longer were you suffering, no longer did you hold fear in your heart, no longer would you be hungry or thirsty ... no longer ...

He brushed away your final tears but couldn’t stop himself from slipping into the tortured blackness of his broken heart as he collapsed onto your chest and when he found he could no longer hear your once comforting heartbeat he screamed.

You were gone and he begged the world to take him with you.

Thoma

to look at the world and see all it’s capabilities, this trait showed it’s face the day after he washed up on shore. There was nothing holding him back anymore as he braved the world ahead and, much to his surprise, he caught your eye and felt like the luckiest man in the world - so why was this happening, he had never broken his promises before -- what went wrong

Thoma spotted you wandering through the harbor. He’d seen you plenty of times but, for some reason, he felt drawn to you as you passed by vendor after vendor, hands clasped around a small money pouch, a careful eye on all the items for sale. It appeared like you were searching for something but unable to find it.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for a small hairpin, maybe about this long, that isn’t too extravagant. Do you sell anything like that?” The vendor thought for a moment before shaking his head. You did the same before waving a friendly goodbye.

“... Ah - Um, excuse me,” Thoma interjected, catching you slightly off guard. You seemed unsteady, your eyes scanning your surroundings before you took a deep breath. “Sorry, did I startle you?”

“No, I’m alright. Can I help you?”

“Oh, yes, haha,” Thoma rubbed the back of his head before finishing, “Please don’t think it’s rude, but I overheard you are looking for a hairpin?”

“Mmm, for a friend, yes.” Squinting your eyes, you looked at him curiously.

“I believe I know a place, plus, it’ll be far cheaper than anything you’d find in the harbor.” He leaned in to keep his voice low enough to not be heard by anyone other than the two of you, “The vendors here are known for charging unreasonable prices.”

“... I see.” You were hesitant, that was apparent, so Thoma did his best to reassure you.

“I’m sorry, I guess it would be rather odd to just follow someone. I’ll write directions for you and you can go with someone you trust.” He searched his bag for something to write with but you cut him off.

“I try not to live my life through fear, but if you murder me, I will haunt you forever.”

Thoma burst into laughter and threw up his hands, “I promise I won’t.”

“A-Alright, but ... I walk a little slow.”

“No worries, I’ve got time.” He instinctually offered you his hand but, after finding that was strange, not only by the awkward silence in the air, but also by your expression, he pulled it back and gestured in the direction of the shop.

spending time with you was fun, exciting, and he grew attached to you quickly -- but

he could tell there was a secret you were keeping from him. it wasn’t his place to pry - but he couldn’t help but notice how winded you became, how tired you were, how some days the color in your face would shift to hues he’d never seen before ... or the bruises that weren’t there the day before, no seemed to appear at random

You coughed and the feeling rattled your lungs. Secretly you hoped this would only last a minute, but it was turning into one of your fits at the worst possible time.

The tea-cup rattled as you nearly dropped it on the table so you could grip your clothes and cover your mouth with your other hand. It hurt, it hurt so much. It felt like knives were climbing their way up your esophagus. Your back tensed, bones cracked, your neck grew tight and it was becoming hard to breathe, but you couldn’t stop coughing.

Thoma rushed to your side - when did he even make it back into the room - and did his best to help. He’d seen you collapse before, seen you sick, but you hoped your dear friend would never have to see you lost in a fit like this. It was scary to you, how horrifying would it be to an outsider.

“T-Th-ma -” You croaked through violent coughs and gasps for air. His hand moved to your narrowed view and you grasped it until the fit subsided.

“Breathe slow, steady,” he repeated until your coughs transitioned into shaky breaths; he poured a glass of water for you. “Can you drink?” You nodded and took small sips of the refreshing liquid. It felt good against your burning throat but you tried not to drink too much to set it off again.

“S-Sorry,” you mumbled, voice cracking and breaking between sips of water.

“Don’t be sorry. D-Does that happen often?”

You nodded, “Sometimes, but it’s getting worse ...” Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew what it meant but refused to accept it. Perhaps if you denied the truth long enough, you could spent more days with your friend and the man you --

“Let me get you a blanket, your shivering.” Thoma left your side and that’s when you realized the red reflecting in the glass wasn’t from his jacket.

it sucked, it was unfair - you wanted to blame him, wanted to push him away but you couldn’t find the strength to do it

all your life you had kept yourself safe from the reality that weighed you down, “you aren’t meant to live in this world, y/n, so don’t - no matter what - get attached to it”

The cool breeze felt refreshing on your heated skin. It wasn’t great for you to be out with a fever, but your body was always warm now. It’s goal was to fight the illness raging inside of you but it was failing, you were failing, and your time was running short.

All you wanted was to be alone. All you wanted was to be by Thoma’s side. All you wanted was more fucking time but you weren’t going to get any of that. How was it that in a world full of visions that could burn, consume, reshape, and heal, not a single one of them could make you better.

You were furious years ago, but now you were bitter.

A familiar voice called out to you but you hated its sound because it reminded you of all the things you’d never be able to do. It painted pictures in your mind that you’d never be able to see. The voice brought you life didn’t understand that you were nothing but death to it.

“y/n?”

“Leave, Thoma.”

“I brought you your favorite. Why don’t we go inside where it’s warm and eat it together.”

“I don’t want to. Please, just go.” Your voice broke, you wrapped the thin blanket around your body as if to protect you from the cold truth.

“You should eat. It’ll make you stronger.”

“Stronger, right.”

“Come on,” The dish he made came into view as he rested it on the railing but as soon as you felt him touch you, you backed away, stumbling on your weak legs.

“No. J-Just go, please.” The tears were threating to fall but when you looked at the pain on his face their threat became reality. “... what is wrong with me?” you covered your eyes, the emotions in your chest made you cough and your mind dizzy.

“You’re just sick, why don’t we rest.”

“NO!” You screamed, catching him off-guard, his hands hovering just above your elbows, ready to catch you. “Thoma, I’m dying. Don’t you get that!? I don’t know how much longer I have and I don’t know why you’re here. What? Do you want to watch me waste away? I can barely eat, I can barely walk, I can barely keep myself from falling fo --” you stopped yourself by clasping your hand over your mouth. When you felt composed, you turned to walk away from him, “leave Thoma, go live your life.”

“My life is right here.”

The sincerity in his voice forced a sob through your tight throat, another cough followed shortly as you collapsed toward the railing. Thoma rushed to the other side to offer his support and though his touch electrified your very being, it also broke your heart.

“This is the one thing I didn’t want ...” you cried, body trembling as you reached and held onto his arm for dear life. He waited, he always waited, “... I didn’t want to do this. I kept to myself because being with people was too hard. Allowing myself to get close meant I’d have to say goodbye ... Thoma, I wish I’d never met you ... then I .. I,” you held onto him tighter and looked into his eyes, “I wouldn’t have fallen in love just to lose it ...” With no more strength left, your knees gave way but Thoma caught you, he always caught you.

“I’ve got you. I’m here,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around you. His fingers brushed your hair as he spoke, “You won’t lose it. You won’t -” he reassured, pleaded, hoped, but as he held you while you sobbed, both of you knew it was the only lie Thoma would ever tell.

it only got worse - you stopped eating, barely drank. you were confined to the bed but slept more often than you were awake. it was painful to breathe and you were exhausted all the time until one day -- when everything finally eased

You felt something cold against your lips, your eyes fluttered open to see what it was but you could hardly make anything out. It was too bright so you close them again and listened to the sounds in the room.

“Hey there,” Thoma’s voice greeted you so you turned toward it. “Try to sleep some more, it’s still early.” He sounded so close but so far away. There was a strangeness in his tone you couldn’t place.

“mmm,” shaky as your hand was, you managed to lift it enough for him to grab it. The sensation of his warmth spread up your arm and reached your heart as if that was his very goal in life. “... love ...”

Thoma’s lips connected to your fingers and though he tried to hide it, you could hear the strain in his voice as he answered you, “I love you, too. Try to ... sleep, okay?” You squeezed his hand and he returned the gesture while you drifted back to sleep.

Thoma was the one who saw you when no-one else did. He was the one who helped you through so many difficulties when you swore it would all fall on your shoulders alone. He burst into your life like a dog welcoming you home; you swore to never get attached, but Thoma made that impossible.

He was the one who held you when you couldn’t stop shaking, he was the one who made sure you could eat, even if it required the most intense preparation. When others couldn’t be there, he was at your side and, in the final days, he held your hand until all life from it faded away.

Thoma saw you live and he watched the way you died.

As he laid the flowers on your grave, he let his hand rest against your name just to feel close to you one last time, “You said you weren’t meant for this world, but you were meant for mine ...” he stumbled over the final words as he spoke, “you were mine.”

what is a memory - something you can’t touch

what is love - something you can’t hold onto

what is life - empty, without you

---

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#genshin impact #genshin impact X reader #genshin impact musings #genshin impact fiction #genshin impact headcanons #tw reader death #cw reader death #albedo x reader #diluc x reader #thoma x reader #albedo angst #diluc angst #thoma angst #farewell-love #THIS FUCKED ME UP #I SOBBBBBBBBED WITH THIS BS #I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY T>T>T>T>T>T>>TT>

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