#murder basket

[demaparbat-hp]

Oh, Aang, you're really in it now...

This is Zu—I mean, Jian Li and Katara's second meeting in the Kyoshi Warriors AU. The first proper one, anyway.

Once they get through a minor difference of opinion or two (“I can carry my own basket!” “Never said you—” “I'm not weak!” “I didn't—” “Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean—” “Would you listen for once, woman?!” ) they'll become nearly inseparable.

For now Jian Li will carry Katara's basket all the way to the Kyoshi Warriors' dojo and, once there, they'll mercilessly tease Sokka when they see him in uniform.

[saltpepperbeard]

hugs ed hugs ed hugs ed hugs ed hug—

[bet-on-me-13]

Jason's Birthday Gift

Batman isn't completely against killing. He just feels like he can't be the one to make that decision, because "who gave him the right to be Judge, Jury, and Executioner?"

But, Jason's birthday is coming up and he thinks he has the perfect Idea for him.

Jason was resurrected. Apparently murdered Ghosts have a supernatural need to be avenged. He put 2 and 2 together.

He summons the Ghost King and asks if it's legal to Kill the Joker.

Cut to Jason'a birthday and everybody is having a blast. They get to opening the presents and finally get to Bruce's gift.

Jason opens it and finds a Signed Warrant for the Jokers Death, from the king of the dead Phantom.

He looks up at Bruce disbelieving, but he just nods back and continues drinking his coffee.

Jason: Did you just get me permission to Kill the Joker from fucking GOD!?

Bruce: Go break his Kneecaps kids

Alfred: I'll pack a lunch!

[pelipper]

I have a type.

[raviposting]

OMITB 3x05 | 3x06 | 3x10

Bonus:

[suchawrathfullamb]

sometimes I think about Matthew Brown watching the events of season 3b unfold just fuming because what do you mean I ruined my life for this and you become lovers you fucker

[risker-risky]

can you draw N cosplaying as an anime character (uzi forced him to)

so i had no idea what anime to use so I used a wheel:3 got kuroko's basketball:3

[everysongineverykey]

i love how unfatherly crowley and aziraphale both are when it comes down to it. sure aziraphale is more than willing to give the young people in his life help and advice and be their friend but he and crowley spent six years (eleven in the book) practically raising a kid (you just know his parents weren't around that often) and by the end they didn't even like him. crowley even suggested they just fucking kill him. he turned three kids into lizards for annoying him right after he destroyed their house. like it was that or kill them obviously but he did NOT hesitate with the newts. that's so funny to me. they're just inherently disinclined to parenthood. we need more characters like them actually

[bloodmoon24]

Remember when I said that N, Vox, and Feedback are friends in my mind?

[cemetery14]

hes gonna kill him

i love reo just being like "yeah no he was totally gonna GET you dude"

[tea-potato-gt]

In celebration of chapter 12 coming out (and me finishing finals), here are some more “Beanstalk” memes for @fae-of-the-forest01! 🫣🤭

Memes part 1 & part 2 & part 4

Future Rory talking about Dave after/if they get separated (audio only):

"He was my first love, and he was everything I ever wanted…" 😔

“You only knew him for a WEEK.” (Less than a week actually 😂).

“It was supposed to be… FOREVER!” 😭😭😭

[ashanimus]

Birthday gift for @polyhexian

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

What if Alastor finds Vaggie feeling shit over killing so many people and tries to cheer her up (either because heʼs starting to go a little soft on the hotel crew or because it would earn him a few more points in Charlieʼs book). Except he tries cheering her up by asking about her favourite kills and telling her about his own favourite kill. This ends up with Vaggie trying to stab him because it does not make her feel better

i bet getting to almost stab him would make her feel a LITTLE better :D

him being so boooooord with her specific kind of "im a horrible person i hate myself" misery so he pokes and prods her until she switches to her much more amusing (and incidentally- OR IS IT- more healthy) "actually fuck that I hate YOU" mentality

a vaggie who is threatening him with a spear is not a moping vaggie and he has fun vanishing back into the shadows ("like a CREEP" vaggie yells after him) right as she throws her spear XD

[faeriekit]

"aren't you just so weak for the asshole character being tender for the first time 🥺" WRONG I hope he gets a better personality because I have higher standards than that. Skill issue. I don't care if the MC is in longstanding time-honored "he used to be a good guy!" love with him. I don't care about his sad and tormented backstory. He can wise up and move on and make something out of himself or I'll be praying that MC dumps his ass to the curb like he deserves 🙏🏽🙏🏽 go to THERAPY

[the-sage-libriomancer]

Some fruits basket aus i would never write but sometimes think about out of morbid curiosity:

AU where Tohru is the cat spirit and Kyo is Kyoko's son

AU where Tohru never met the Sohma family and the curse broke suddenly and messily several years later

AU where all the zodiac animals are switched (Yuki is the rabbit, Shigure is the snake, Ayame is the cat, etc)

AU where the zodiacs ages are randomly switched around (Yuki is 19, Kyo is 10, the Mabudachi Trio are 15, etc)

AU where Akito actually fucking kills one of the zodiacs while rage-attacking them (maybe Rin or Hatori) and it immediately has Consequences

[odakuram]

I’ll Teach You How To Pull Off The Perfect Crime Part 2 ~The Inugami Chapter~ (English Translation)

完全犯罪伝授します弐〜犬神篇〜 Music/Lyrics: Joruzin Video: unrefle Vocals: GUMI, Kagamine Len

"The continuation to “I’ll Teach You How To Pull Off The Perfect Crime”.

His outer face is that of the eccentric who runs the used bookshop, his inner face is that of a master missionary of perfect crimes, a one Sano Shougai. Until now, all the perfect crimes he’s told people have been executed flawlessly, each and every time. His high intelligence could leave the police far outmatched. But in this case, for the first time, he learns of the existence of someone whose IQ could match, no, surpass his own.

“The Man Who Will Help Execute The Perfect Crime” VS “The Man Who Will Stop The Perfect Crime”

How will this case end?!"

-- original description

(extra translator's note: i stole parts of the translation from the vlyrics wiki translation of the first song in this series for continuity reasons, and linked where relevant. i hope op doesn't mind)

えぇ　そうですか　　つまり相続権の独占ですね 

Yes, I see. So you want to claim the inheritance to yourself.

遺産の全てをご子息に　それが為なら殺しも辞さない 

You want the inheritance to all be for your son, and you’re willing to go as far as to murder.

ではでは遺言と家系図を確認します 

Then I’ll confirm the facts about the will and the family tree.

財界巨頭の犬神家の創始者左兵衛が身罷った  彼の遺した遺言書に一族狼狽その内容は 

The founder of the Inugami Clan, renowned in the business world, Sahei Inugami, has kicked the bucket. The will he left behind has caused massive dismay in the family

一族以外の本筋の血の繋がりない生娘に遺産を全て譲渡する  ただし娘の配偶者には　 

In it, it says that the inheritance is to all go to a virgin girl who isn’t even directly related to the family That is to say, to the spouse of that girl, Tamayo

犬神左兵衛の孫にあたる「佐清」「佐武」「佐智」の三名中から選ぶこと  つまり珠世の愛を勝ちとったものが遺産を手に入れる  しかしご子息佐清は戦時に負った顔の傷　醜い姿に成りさがった 

Sahei Inugami has three grandchildren, Sukekiyo, Suketake and Suketomo that she will choose from In short, to win Tamayo’s love is to get the inheritance But your son Sukekiyo has become hideous as a result of injuries on his face from the war

愛されるはずもない  ならば「佐武」「佐智」2名を葬りその罪珠世に被せることで  佐清に遺産転がり込ませる 

She certainly won’t love him. If that’s the case, you will bury “Suketake” and “Suketomo” and pin the crime on Tamayo so that the inheritance will come into Sukekiyo’s hands.

つまりそういうことですね  一族身内の殺害計画 

So that’s what this is about, hm? A plan to murder members of your family…

思考　黙考　熟考　整いました  After much thought, meditation, and deliberation, I have it all arranged for you.

完全犯罪伝授します　お代は貴女の死因の決定権を小生が頂戴いたす  それでよろしいですね？ 完全犯罪伝授します　手段は電話でお伝えします  一族集まる月夜の晩に人の目ない部屋でおかけください  なになに私立探偵が雇われているですと？まあ捨て置いて問題はないでしょう 

I'll teach you how to pull off the perfect crime. The price is to let this humble one decide your cause of death Will that be okay with you? I'll teach you how to pull off the perfect crime. I’ll tell you everything over the phone. On the moonlit night when the whole family gathers, dial me in a room where no one can see you What’s that, a private investigator has been hired? Well, put that thought aside for now, it won’t be a problem.

「殺害の手引き」

“A Guide to Murder”

計画ポイント2つあり　「猟奇性」と「芸術性」  殺害現場に珠世の犯行を示唆する私物を残すことです 

This plan has two points: it will be “grotesque” and “artistic” You will leave personal items on the murder scenes to suggest that Tamayo is the culprit.

「犬神家に強い恨みを持った珠世が遺産目当てに犯行に及んだ」  そうです美しく殺してあげましょう

“Bearing a grudge against the Inugami family, aiming to get the inheritance, Tamayo resorted to crime.” That’s how it will be, let us murder them beautifully

 第一殺害タイトルは「菊人形頭衣替え」美しいですね　あぁあぁ美しいです  第二殺害タイトルは「琴線天幕吊し上げ」美しいですね　あぁあぁ美しいです 

The first murder case will be called, “A Change of Head for the Chrysanthemum Doll”, beautiful, ah, ah, so beautiful! The second murder case will be called, “A Decorative Curtain Hung by the Strings of the Koto”, beautiful, ah, ah, so beautiful!

計画に狂いが生じた？ 佐清だと信じた人物　全く別人  本物佐清　潜伏していたところを 

Has this plan sparked madness in you yet? It turns out the person you believed to be Sukekiyo is a completely different person The real Sukekiyo is hiding in wait 

例の私立探偵が発見  偽物佐清正体　犬神左兵衛の愛人の息子  全てをたちどころに見破った！？ 

That private detective has discovered where he is and the true identity of the fake Sukekiyo—he is the son of Inugami Sahei’s lover Has he seen through us?!

大丈夫です落ち着きなさい　若干計画変更します　偽物佐清この計画を知るもの生かしてはおけませんから　  第三殺害タイトルは「偽装すましの逆さ人」薬で眠らせ湖畔の浅瀬に頭から突き落とすのです  素晴らしいですね　全てが完璧です　あぁ美しい  それでは最後の仕上げに掛かりましょう　 

It’s alright, please calm down, we’ll just change the plan a little. The fake Sukekiyo knows your plans, so he cannot be left alive. So the third murder case will be called, “A Disguised Upside-Down Person”. You will drug him to sleep and push him head first into the shoals of the lake. So wonderful, it’s all so perfect, ah, it’s beautiful! Now let’s add the finishing touches

珠世の自室に青酸カリを忍ばせなさい  それではお渡していた死因書を開封なさい 

Do hide some cyanide in Tamayo’s room Then, please open the document I’ve given you with your cause of death

アリバイ工作で全ての犯行が可能だったのは珠世と貴女です  今から珠世にお茶を入れさせなさい　その中にもうひとつ用意した青酸カリを 入れて飲みなさい　 つまり「今」から「自室」で「服毒自殺」をするのです  全て珠世の犯行と見做され財産佐清転がり込むでしょう 

With the alibis you’ve made, the suspects will be Tamayo and you. Now let Tamayo pour you some tea that you laced with the same cyanide from before, and drink it. In other words, “now”, you must “kill yourself with poison” in “your room”. When Tamayo is considered the culprit, the estate will come into Sukekiyo’s hands, isn’t that right?

さあ受話器そのままで　やるのです 

Now, you will leave the phone aside and do it.

おやめなさい　全て貴女の犯行だと　解りました　お話を伺います  貴女をそそのかした人の 

Please stop this. I’ve figured out that this is all your doing. Could I ask to talk to the person who’s tempted you?

必ずアナタを突き止めます

I will definitely find you.

探偵風情！！

The likes of that detective…!