#much too big. but i made this in 2022 before i got back on tumblr so idk just wanted to share it b/c i still think it’s cool

[csswingandeasy]

Talking Heads: 77

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Ten questions for writers

The lovely @somanywords tagged me and I'm all in my bullshit as I finish a long fic so it's the perfect time for this.

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

23

Why is it shouting? I didn't mean to make that big but whatever. 23.

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

Word Count: 764,847

And what I would like to say, is that I started writing in the summer of 2022, so pretty much exactly two years ago, and deleted one longfic when I decided I hated it, so my point is, that is an average of more than 1,000 words a day published, and I have a shit ton of unpublished stuff.

Is my math possibly close on this? Holy shit, I talk a lot, and don't worry, I do have an actual diagnosis for my mental health problems, not that it helps all that much, but hahahahaha, doing great.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Captain America, though a lot of Marvel sneaks in around the edges.

Wandavision, Hawkeye (more the show and comics than the Avenger's movies version of Clint) and Black Widow in particular. I am interested in writing diverse stories which has me pulling from the more recent content for women, queer folks, and people of color to include. I do see the irony of hyper-fixating on two white males for literally years and nearly a million words and then complaining about lack of diversity. Let's talk about it.

4. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I do, meticulously and with great joy. BUT.

When I first started writing I had no idea what to do with comments. They made me happy and thrilled, but also very stressed about social etiquette. I would rarely reply. At one point I saw an anon asking on Tumblr if the author was mad at them for commenting because they commented on every chapter of a work in progress without hearing anything back. I honestly had never thought about it from that perspective, so I starting replying, and it got easier with practice. I have gotten into my own groove and I enjoy it now.

I think if it stresses authors out, no pressure. It actually does take up a chunk of time, especially on my more popular fics or if a chapter is particularly exciting/has a cliff hanger, etc. I really enjoy doing it, so I don't mind at all, and if it ever feels like a TASK I don't pressure myself to reply, because I find if I wait a few days it brings me joy again.

5. have you ever had a fic stolen?

No (?)

6. have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I have collaborated with artists through Bangs though which is super neat!

7. what’s your all-time favourite ship?

Look the obvious answer is Stucky.

I think one of my first pairings was Mara Jade and Luke Skywalker, but in that pairing I was a stand in for Luke Skywalker and Mara was too cool for both of us but also imprinted on my developing brain.

Mara Jade (for those who don't know) is a formerly brainwashed lady spy superhero in the 1990s era Star Wars books with sexy red hair. I suspect the author had read some Black Widow but have not confirmed this. I had not seen any Marvel comics at that time and was very on board with Mara Jade. (Not literally, sadly.)

As far as writing though, it's Stucky that I keep thinking up stories that I have a compulsive need to write down. I think of lots of stories for other pairings but they don't eat my brain like Stucky.

8. what are your writing strengths?

I am stubborn as fuck.

9. what are your writing weaknesses?

Excess (see above).

10. first fandom you wrote for?

On ao3 it was Winter Soldier+Widow (since orphaned, it was bad).

In my head as a teen it was definitely MeLuke Skywalker/Mara Jade. Very extensive mental storylines between us them.

----

No pressure tags for anyone who sees this and wants to play! And also @dharmasharks @voylitscope and @fsbc-librarian and @late-to-the-party-81 and @metalbvcky and @aimmyarrowshigh and everyone else I am trying to get over my social anxiety around tagging please don't stab me.

[bumble66]

The similarities between closeted right-wingers and Chris Evans

Alternative title: "Dear Mr. future president Evans,"

Recently, I saw how Chris Evans met Joe Biden. For people who don't know. Chris Evans has a political online platform called ASP. This was not the first time he met a famous politican but meeting the president of the United States is something else. It should be clear by now why he does that... Anyway, it reminded me of the gossip I found recently:

As I mentioned in my last big blog post, about Chris' potential boyfriends, I am not really a fan of marvel and didn't know much about him during his time as Captain America. I only got interested after he started the cringeworthy PR relationship in November 2022. In 2018, I was made aware of how many closeted celebrities exist and Mr. Evans being so clumsy with his Portugal bride gave me the perfect opportunity to uncover this Hollywood facade.

As you can see, I have also been asked by a lot of people why I think Chris could be closeted (either gay, bi or a straight guy who doesn't want to commit and just sleeps around). I will answer these questions in relation to today's topics: I. The Portugal PR relationship is mostly done for his future political career (or that was the plan before the backlash) II. The behavior of closeted right-wingers resembles Chris Evans' III. Portugal Bride was not the first PR relationship rumor but why does a rich, attractive and alleged womanizer like Chris need PR relationships all the time? As I always say. Everything on my tumblr is alleged. I merely summarize what people speculate online and give my own opinion on that.

Tim Scott, a failed GOP 2024 candidate and alleged closeted gay man, announced on X that he got engaged to a woman:

As you can see from the screenshot, no one's buying it. It is rumored Tim Scott is doing this because he will be chosen as Trump's vice president. People online claim that Tim Scott being gay has been talked about way before the first "Why doesn't have Tim Scott have a girlfriend" articles:

I heard about Tim Scott being gay and being pressured to have a PR girlfriend around the same time Chris pretended to have gotten married in September and that made me think... I can't find the comment anymore but I remember someone of Chris' fans on the LSA forum suggesting that Chris' "A starting point" political platform isn't just for shits and giggles. Apparently, he wants to go into politics after his acting career. No idea how successful he will be now with that after his latest movie flops and the Portugal relationship having led to lost followers on his social media accounts because it made him appear as a "dollar store Leonardo DiCaprio" but in general..., this idea isn't too far off. Remember the Terminator aka Arnold Schwarzenegger? An action hero became the Governor of California and with Chris Evan's fake Captain America image, pretending online and in interviews to be like Steve Rogers, he could sway a lot of people too!

Remember. The alleged marriage wasn't the first PR relationship of Chris Evans. At least according to his fandom, when they explained how he and Portugal Bride met, he was involved in several other PR relationships before:

According to this person, the relationships with Christina Ricci and Minka Kelly from long ago, were planned by a PR team too and it adds up with a blog post I found years ago about how Minka is allegedly a beard for my back then favorite actor Jake Gyllenhaal. Bearding appears to be a career of its own in Hollywood: https://gaywriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/blind-item-jake-gyllenhaal-is-looking-for-a-new-female-beard-to-present-illusion-of-heterosexuality-to-fans/

So his PR team not only allegedly had several options next to the Portugal Bride (like Monica Barbaro) but they were apparently also responsible for his faked relationship with Lily James? It is rumored that Lily wanted more from this PR arrangement from back in 2020. Possibly real love? The social media site Icons+ reports that "Lily James left Chris Evans to be a millionaire's "other woman"". She basically publicly "cheated" on Chris and many gossip sites reported on it. Did Lily do that as revenge because Chris solely wanted PR and rejected her? Kinda like "if you don't give me real love, I ain't giving you positive PR either". It makes me wonder though. Why would a heterosexual man privately reject a pretty woman like Lily James after wanting to be seen with her in paparazzi photographs after all? Odd.

Yes, Chris' alleged personal Paparazzo with the name Jesal basically admitted that he was called to do the pictures with Lily back in 2020 (Nowadays, he seems to be busy with the Portugal PR relationship as you can see from the screenshot, where he was called for a christmas party Portugal Bride and Chris attended). This reminds me of of another failed 2024 GOP candidate who is rumored to be closeted. There is a medium article regarding Ron DeSantis called "Is the GOP gossiping that Ron DeSantis is gay?", how most if not all of the GOP party know about his alleged homosexualty:

As you can see, not just his own party but the general public thinks so too. In fact, they speak about Ron DeSantis' being closeted the same way some people speak about Chris being allegedly closeted:

The replies to this dailymail article about Chris' and Portugal Bride's relationship-reveal, demonstrate that people think that both Chris and Ron overplay the alpha male macho tough guy image, solely to cover their true sexual orientation.

But PR relationships can also have another function. As I pointed out on my blog before: There are many heterosexual men I know who just wanted to sleep around but because of societal pressure, they pretend to be monogamous. The latest political example of that seems to be Gavin Newsom who has been in the news for being an alleged serial cheater. He was already caught cheating back in 2007. On X I found this summary of his latest shenanigans: (TRIGGER WARNING: mention of SA)

Why do I mention Ron DeSantis and Gavin Newsom in relation to Chris Evans? Because they all have one thing in common. A fake stable married man image. Look at the header picture of DeSantis and Newsom on X. Newsom holding his son in his harm. A few weeks ago, DeSantis had a header picture of holding his children's hands and the latest picture, you can see right now, also shows his wife and kids again to portray the family man image while allegedly being someone completely different (a closet case = Ron, a cheater= Gavin). Sorry not sorry but when I saw those header images combined with the rumors I knew about those two guys, I immediately though that Chris is not so different. He also calls the paparazzi, so he can be portrayed for the public as a guy who has a stable relationship and doesn't randomly sleep around in all kids of places.

As someone pointed out on the Lipstick Alley thread called "Chris Evans Relationship Theories 5", he used to go to parties similar to the ones seen in the movie "Eyes Wide Shut" but these rumors were allegedly scrapped by his team when he became Captain America. Why did they worry so much about this specific gossip? Was it true after all? Apparently this goes back as far as 2006:

I have no problems with that because I am pro sexual liberation. I actually point this out so we can normalize this and let people be who they really are, so that they don't have to do these fake relationships anymore.

I mean, remember the screenshot from my "Chris Evans possible boyfriends" post? The user ShellyT20... how she described that a lot of PR relationships in Hollywood exist because the male actors either sleep with each other, have p-word scandals and/or are serial cheaters "but post fake romance stuff on IG and other public platforms. It gives a fake sense of normalcy and stability and shuts fans up for the most part as well as acting as a distraction." When I read this I got reminded of the public "beyond the blinds podcast" episode you can listen to on spotify. The one about the Hemsworth brothers. There it was alleged that Chris Hemsworth is constantly cheating. I wasn't surprised. He isn't my type but I can't deny that he is what most consider super attractive + tall + rich = in no way is this guy monogamous as a famous hollywood actor (LMAO the audactiy to even thinkt hat)... Sadly, when I confront some people with that... for instance Evans fans on LSA or X, most roll their eyes and don't believe that.... They were like: "How can a guy like C. Hemsworth, who posts social media posts about loving being a father and being married for over a decade possibly be such a bad guy"... ... ... ... ... Well and this the reason why Hollywood still fools you with PR relationships because most of you are gullible. You want to see men married with children and as long as the women are age appropriate, you eat it up. And all this goes even beyond these Hollywood celebrities and politicians the general public is aware of. Apparently, even e-celebs are in PR relationships/fake image relationships these days. The youtuber TheQuartering, who said he was partying with right-wing e-celebs said this about them last year: (TRIGGER WARNING: transphobic slur)

Just like how Chris Evan's fans are disappointed that he wasn't the internet boyfriend after all (his fake image for the 2010s) and started to date random young women like Leonardo DiCaprio and Bradley Cooper, TheQuartering was disappointed too with his right-wing colleagues, who pretended to be committed husbands with children while actually being a closeted pride parade. The right-wing commentarors TheQuartering talks about are: Elijah Schaffer, Jack Posobiec and Mike Cernovich. When I found that out I was shocked. I was like "So even these e-celebs are basically "their own Hollywood club" and need PR relationships to function publicly". It really shows how deep gender roles are still ingrained in our society. That even internet-famous people have to have a family man image and portray themselves in a certain way to become "e-celeb-A-list". And if they don't, they will be denied that status.

I know it hurts that your favorite A-list stars are also wife cheaters and that their activism is most likely fake only so that they can continue participating in Hollywood orgies (Which apparently already happen on the e-celeb level). But at one point it had to come out and isn't it better to accept reality than to participate in and support these fake scenarios only to feel better about the world? Cause it is not just TheQuartering who exposed the fake image of the right-wing online community. Blaire White, a right-winger herself, pointed out the same. As people say, where there is smoke, there is fire:

In this video at 55:35 regarding Blaze Media, Blaire White spills tea about closeted e-celebs. It also includes orgies and drugs... like with our favorite super hero (allegedly).

(Blaire is not the only one who knows about the orgy parties)

Lastly, one of the most famous right-wing e-celebs is Steven Crowder. On his channel he had a video where he once admitted that he had a bisexual phase... a phase..

And according to his own logic that means:

He also went so far and basically created beard twins. I remember clearly the video where he announced the pregnancy of his wife. He held up a picture into the camera from an ultrasound. It was like "See, I am hetero after all. Are you happy now?". That's at least my opinion on how the video looked like and it adds up with what peole usually say about him:

Honestly, if someone had told me that this text is about Chris Evans, I'd have believed it and so now we have come full circle. While I only know about Chris Evan's since the pandemic (As I said, I don't watch super hero movies), I am still disappointed. In some interviews, he appeared so adorable, awkward and different from other men in Hollywood (like when he was interviewed about his "Lightyear movie announcement" tweet on Jimmy Kimmel). But in the end he is no better than the closeted republicans. Portraying a conservative image of marriage while behind closed doors it is worse than a sitcom trying to convince you that canned laughter makes everything funnier.

(picture: Is this the awkwardness people talk about? Adorable...)

Yes, there have always been rumors that his real personality is being "weird and awkward" and that he is not just acting in movies but also in most interviews. It goes so far that someone claimed he had been rejected on a date and that's why some people assume it is actually him who initiated the Portugal PR relationship and basically paid for it because he can't get someone himself through normal means. Are some people punished with their good looks?

IMO just like with the married right-wing e-celebs who do orgies all the time, it is also a bad idea of Chris wanting to become a father (at least according to his "sexiest man alive" PR narrative from 2022 which seems to be in the trash can now too).

But let's assume his PR team has that still on their minds: Not only would it be solely for his image (which would make this situation PR either way, even if the marriage were real) but according to all his alleged wild ways, he is also unfit to parent, it would be a disaster actually. Controversial commentator Pearl Davis described it very well. How some people just shouldn't be parents:

I agree with Vale. She would just be in it for the image of being a married woman and in our case... a married, monogamous, non-cheating family man. A user on LSA said that when you switch out "fake nails" with "fake teeth" in Pearl Davis' message, you will have the pefect description of Chris Evans:

(Chris Evans being interviewed at the Lightyear premiere resembling Barry Manilow with too much botox) Sorry but after seeing this picture, I have to agree with her. I love his clothing style but a bi-peacock who is more interested in vanity and fake status will never be a good role model for children. As the saying goes: "You can't have it both ways"

I know this is all a tough pill to swallow but c'mon people. This is the year 2024 and at one point this fakeness just needs to stop. Celebrities, politicians and even social meda e-celebs... you are being fooled. And according to Hollywood insider and daughter of famous TV personality John Walsh, a lot of times, one partner of the arrangement is suffering. Is this really what you support? I don't and that's why I uncover all these PR relationships of the entertainment world because as a true progressive, I don't think that people should be judged based on outdated gender expectations like marriage and monogamy.

The closet kills... your real personality. I mean honestly, what do you gain from being remembered after your death as someone you never were? As Joan Rivers jokes at 0:43 in a short clip from 1966. This so called bearding has been going on forever. I don't think we need a 100th anniversary of this shameful practice. So please help me to expose this so that in the future, celebrities can become famous for truly being themselves.

[pinkyjulien]

🟨 Then n' Now - High Voltage edition ⚡

Yoinking @arcandoria's idea and making one of those before/after post focused on the babies💛 motivated by AND motivating @elvenbeard to do the same 😌🤏

This will be both a VP and Modding journey 👉

▶ December 2020

━ "No mods, we die VP like men!"

AKA open up PhotoMode and get as close as you can to your fav, playing with angles while getting the camera stucks in the surrounding 80% of the time and trying to make the characters look at each others in a "natural" way 👀

▶ early 2021

━ "I learned how to app swap and I cannot be stopped"

I got into modding because/thanks to Mitch 🤠 and the first thing I did was to .app swap him into all of the romance scenes 😩🤏 My BIG MODDER GOAL back then was to have Him and Valentin in the panzer scene, meaning I needed to find a way to:

Swap Valentin into Panam's place

Swap Mitch into V/Player's place

Unlock the camera / have a true free-roam experience

and also remove all of the HUD and green filter

I was just a tiny dude with Big Dreams 👀

▶ first half 2021

━ "I can change clothes now! AKA OOC-fest"

Ugh. JHGFHJGHFJ

Looking back at some of the stuff I did before legit gives me so much icks now 💀 the joy and freedom of being a simp with fresh modding power, you just Do Stuff because You Can! Who cares if the character turns extremly OOC, right? keeping them for the memories 🤭

▶ first half 2021

━ "ReShade? What's a ReShade"

My first month of playing around with Reshade! Everything was way too saturated, too bright or too dark- but it was new and exciting! Experimenting with more swapping, more photomode-posing 🤏

▶ July 2021

━ "the Modding High"

Camera unlocks, Player Replacer, FixSwaps, Bi River trick, Blur Remover, Facial expressions for V, Swap to Everyone... my peak as a modder still to this day ngl

I achieved all I ever wanted, did the mods I needed to be able to smooch Mitch and have my canon panzer scene 🧡 (cannot showcase it here on Tumblr for hornyjail reason)

The "bi river" trick was involving CyberCat, an old save editor software that allowed you to swap V presets! You had to launch the romance scene with River as a fem V, then save at the start of it using the "Save Anytime" mod, edit your save file by swapping in your Male V preset, and Voila~ you had a Masc V in the River scene :D

▶ August 2021

━ "Custom poses Fever"

...and the first true love kisses!

Searching and modding your first poses swaps, then spawning the blorbos in game, timing the expressions and animation correctly and... having them "kiss for real" for the first time 🥺😩 ouugghh IT HITS! It hits so good!

From there, the rest of 2021 was focused on playing around with custom poses and exploring my own canon; giving new canon-compliant appearances to Mitch and Valentin, doing VP comics... also exploring some AUs and doing special occasion outfits, like Halloween!

▶ 2022

━ "I can create my own story"

I focused a lot on my own canon in 2022, via comics and photoset exploring what happens to both Mitch and Valentin's respective past and shared future together

Modding was also a big part of the year! There wasn't any big breakthrough other than the scenerid extract for custom poses, which allowed me to finally use the amazing tender animations from the Judy scene in my boys tent 🤭

▶ 2023

━ "Still here"

There will always be new exciting way of exploring and creating content for my babes- the knowledge of custom made poses allowing us for even more angst, tenderness, passion!

and I'm looking forward to it all 🥺🧡

Those years's been a whole creative journey~ and it's thanks to those two, my blorbos, my beloved stinkies, that I'm the modder and photographer that I am now!

Who knows where they'll take me next 💛😊

[bosskie]

2 Years Ol' Blog 'n' 3D Molluck Stuff

Man, having this blog has been a ride... I posted my first post here on 1st April 2022 and created this blog/account a few days before. During this whole time, my mental health issues have affected my blog and I was about to delete it before I even posted anything but I still decided to give it a try since I already got some followers; it felt supportive. I was surprised to have such a warm welcoming here and it still warms my heart. I still had some moments when I had to hide all my posts since I just couldn't stand my own stuff. Sometimes, it still comes to my mind but I'm doing my best to try to learn to at least tolerate my own creations. I feel sorry for being like this but only if it was easy to get rid of self-hatred... I also just tend to only see all my mistakes I have made when I look at my stuff, all the things I should learn...

But I try to be positive here, even I just tend to see darkness when I think about my own future. I just don't believe in myself... Originally, I didn't wanna be personal here but it just happened when one anon asked me if I had more art to show... I didn't since I have hidden all my old art. I have been on Tumblr for 10+ years but never posted anything until I created this blog. What brought me here was the active Oddworld community, the lovely people here. Even I think dim things about myself like every day, I do appreciate your support! Even I have my own difficulties with believing in that I have any talent/skills, compliments are light to my own dark image of myself.

I'll talk more later on this post but now, I'll show some 3D Molluck stuff and well, talk about Molluck... I show first my first Molluck sculpt I did improve today (yesterday):

I would still say that this is a WIP since well, there do is stuff to improve and do but yeah, I think that it would be wiser to let this be now and redo this since this is done in such an amateur way... There is no way to animate this since its geometry is a nightmare... I was able to rig this a bit when it wasn't so detailed, test out animating it but then, it became impossible. But well, the truth is that I do have still made animations with this despite of that... Frankly, the reason why I created this sculpt was my thirst for Molluck, how much I wish I was able to be with him... But this has helped me out multiple times with my drawings too!

I'm still not totally sure about some things of his anatomy but I have been doing my best to figure it out. I also realize that this sculpt makes Molluck look a bit more muscular/bigger than he is (see his neck and head size) but I have tried my best with fixing this situation since he did look even more bulky back then... The difference ain't too big but well, I do can create my own version of him too! I also see that this ain't 100 % correct when it comes to his face too but I tried my best. I'm still a beginner with 3D stuff, so I didn't use the best methods to do this either... I also feel like I just learned new things about his head when I compared this to the SoulStorm model recently... So yeah, this sculpt is a mixture of SoulStorm model, good ol' concept art of Gluk anatomy and my own adjustments. I only say SoulStorm model because it's based on New 'n' Tasty model, so he probably looks like the same under the suit but yes, that naked Molluck model has been my main reference for his body. The biggest change I have done compared to that has been his hands since I love his hand in that concept art! They are just the best hands, the most beautiful hands I know... But well, his whole body is the most beautiful body, at least for me!

Yeah, I think that I have made it quite clear how much I would love to have him... I already have said it but, he is my only desire... I cannot help myself with that Molluck is 'a perfect man' for me... No one else has felt right for me, there was always something off... But frankly, even I have seen multiple people being thirsty for Molluck, I have seen no one else wanting him like I do... None of that 'spicy' Molluck art I have seen reminds me of mine. It's just interesting how differently I see him since in the others' 'spicy art' Molluck has similar vibe and role... I don't really want Molluck because I have a thirst for him; I only have a thirst for him because I love him and for me, it's about sharing and giving love! I truly wish to make him feel good and loved. I have decided that I don't post my NSFW Molluck content but some cropped stuff but I could still post some suggestive things, though like I have said, I see him from a different perspective than the ones I have seen, with what I mean that he is 'the receiver'. I have just never seen him in this role by the others. I guess that this can explain why I have said that for me, he already has 'the stuff', no need for 'the usual additions'. His body also just feels more 'elegant' when there is no such a thing. This is just my preference, you can have yours. But it's just interesting to see how my way to imagine/see Molluck differs from the others. Though yes, I do remember when that one Molluck ask blog was still active and at least one person asked if Molluck liked things in his ass... Might have been just harassment or no one has just published such a content...

Frankly, I do actually prefer his back view instead of his front view, even I have been drawing it more... It's just that I'm unsure of how to handle nudity here... I don't wanna post his ass in front of the people who don't wanna see it... Nudity is natural for me but I just don't wanna make anyone feel uncomfortable because of my naked Molluck stuff... I just adore his body, so gotta draw it... Man, I would just keep talking how much I love his different body parts but I save you from that...

So, yeah, let's move on! I have already shown this one but I feel like reposting it now:

This is my stylized, simple Molluck model from last summer (2023). It's close to be finished since it's meant to be simple but some details are missing. You might wonder what's this style: Back then, I was inspired by Osamu Sato and his old video game graphics, so I wanted to create something similar to his style. I would like to try to rig this and then try to create more 3D models. Man, I would like to do so much 3D stuff... Oh, and yeah, it would be fun to make a naked version of him with this style too! I just have so much Molluck art ideas inside my head...

Oh, and yeah, I have been thinking for a longer time if I should show this or not but this feels like the right place to do it. So yes, I have created like a year ago a Molluck sim for The Sims 2. I know that it can look odd but he cannot look much better without doing own mods... I don't know how to mod these games but would like to learn it.

But yeah, I pretty muchly abused the face sliders here and did my own textures but also found a cigar for him. I did improve his face over time since I also needed to see how it works in the game. I also needed to lift his face after I found the cigar to place it into his mouth. It's basically only possible to create him to The Sims 2 like this because of the Body Shop is such a great tool and it actually lets you to use those face sliders without a limit: just edit the sim over and over again. Though yes, there is a tool to paint your sim's textures in The Sims 1 but it's such a pain to use... Oh, and you might notice those little dots: I just love to add his nevi to him, like you might have noticed from my drawings!

And yeah, my only reason for creating this Molluck sim was my self-insert stuff, even I do prefer him like he is, not as 'an anthro'... I just crave for this Gluk every day... Well, the good thing is that I'm able to create stuff about him, so I get some help even I know that I'll never get him... Also, even I recently said that marriage feels odd, it has now started to make some sense to me... I mean, I have started to feel alright about it. Maybe it's that my feeling of Molluck being 'the one' for me is getting stronger and stronger or it's a sign of my healing since I have just felt like it's better that no one is bound to me... Maybe it's the both. But despite of this, I still value the friendship the most since it's the strongest relationship type, so when the relationship is based on it, it's stronger than mere romance ect. I don't know if it sounds odd or not but for the first time, I actually feel good about marrying Molluck.

But yeah, this has already been a long post but just wanna say some stuff related to my blog:

I have multiple reasons why I tend to turn reblogs off and it's only for my own mental health, not that I had anything against you. Sometimes, I just kinda hate to see myself posting so actively, so I don't really like to see my stuff on someone else's blog either... I have never really known what to think about reblogs... Also, I don't like some technical things related to them, so it also makes me prefer to have them off. Maybe there somewhere my feeling of that I'm just ruining everything, also this community, affects this too... It's at least one big reason why I don't really interact here, even I would like to.

The truth is that I have never pressed the like button here, even I would have liked to, and it's just because of me feeling like it's better that I'm invisible. I tend to feel ashamed of myself, think that I'm a failure... It's not easy for me to be open and relaxed but I just wish to talk about Molluck so much that this happens... I do have other things in my life too but it's much more difficult for me to talk about them... I just feel like that if I didn't have Molluck, I wouldn't post any content right now, would have disappeared from the Internet. It's like extremely difficult for me to create an online imago, 'sell myself', build a portfolio... It has felt like this is gonna be my doom... My own self-hatred... But I'm still trying my best and going to make a big investment to this stuff this year, so that I can create better 3D stuff and use Unreal Engine. It's just for my future, otherwise I wouldn't feel ready to do it. I'm just trying to believe in myself, even it feels so difficult... I just wanna be honest about what I'm going thru since it affects my content a lot.

I have already written so much, so it's probably the best to end this post. But before that, I do wanna thank for all your support and your understanding, patience... I thought that I would probably be left all alone again after I open up about the hell I have inside my mind, that probably no one actually wants me to be here, like I'm used to think, but I have been wrong. It really touches me that I have been welcomed here and despite of everything, you still wish to support me. It's just about to make me cry, especially when, frankly, suicidal thoughts are quite common for me, been for over a decade. It's just like something daily... I'm so used to it. But something always just tells me not to do it, even I have thought about it like over a thousand times, if not thousands of times... Sometimes, I just think that I should be Molluck's next meat product but in my imagination, he still tells me that he would only lose money if he did that because I'm priceless.

I don't expect that people really read my stuff but I do really appreciate all the time you spend on my stuff since time is valuable! I just kinda need to write this stuff to here since I spend like almost all of my time alone and there somewhere I also wish that all this writing could help the others who also deal with similar mental health problems. I often feel like no healing has actually happened but I see from little things that slow healing is happening, like that I feel now alright about marrying Molluck and it only happened like a few days ago. I'm just starting to find happiness thru Molluck but he alone hasn't still helped me to heal. Even my mind keeps telling me it's a waste to support me and I have difficulties with receiving compliments, all support is still helping me.

Sometimes, I still think about this anon's words from about two years ago: 'I am cheering you and Molluck on and toasting to your brilliance.' The other compliments I have also gotten do also echo inside my head from time to time but I just wanted to say that I would have never imagined something like this to be said to me and these words do really mean a lot to me still. Toasting also just sounded fitting for this anniversary, so even this feels difficult for me, because I suffer from this severe self-hatred, I wish to toast to myself, for keeping going, even it has been so difficult, felt so tempting to end this all... But I wouldn't have still made it this far alone, so thanks for my family, all the lovely people who have supported me thru my life but also OWI for creating Molluck( and Oddworld)! It just feels like a miracle that I'm still here.

~ Much love!

[koduflower2000]

Using KolibriOS to draw something for the OSC on Tumblr: 2024-04-12 03:00

it's been ages since the last time i played with the VM workstation i had on my tablet PC, and now i'm back again with cool things to show here. :D

Back in 2022, before I was an object show fan, there was an application which enabled to run real operating systems on a smartphone or a tablet. It was an emulator which ran operating systems using the x86 or x86_64 processor technology. Of course, I'm talking about Limbo Emulator, in which it has QEMU as the whole framework. It wasn't just based on QEMU, but was basically just QEMU, ported to ARM processors, with a graphical interface. I once created a VM, created a disk and formatted it using DOS, and ran KolibriOS on it.

However, it is to be noted that the VM runs so slow because the tablet has an ARM processor, and ARM processors, including ARM-based ones can operate only in about 1-2 megahertz when emulating x86 or x86_64 chips. The only operating system which can be booted from start to finish in less than a minute is KolibriOS, and let me tell you, it's much more fun to work with.

Then, when I opened Tinypad and wrote something down, I thought to myself, "Hey, what if I made something like a souvenir for the OSC on Tumblr using this operating system? It'll be like the next leap forward to the power of computing. It'll definitely be something like a wonder of lightweight OSes!! It doesn't have to be big, but little. I'm gonna draw something for the OSC!"

I then got an idea. A bright idea. I can draw a TPOT character ship!

When I chose a ship to draw, I considered 2 things:

The ship should be a popular one.

The ship contains characters which are easy to draw.

I had many ideas for that, but the closest ones so far were Fireafy (Firey x Leafy), and Sawty (Saw x Gaty). Both of these ships are popular, but they have either one or both of the characters in each ship which are hard to draw, especially considering the processor is too slow to render curves properly. Even drawing Fubble (Fanny x Bubble) is somewhere between difficult to impossible. Draw a curve very slowly, to the point you would never see the pointer moving, and you get a nice one. Draw it faster, and surprise, it's a collection of lines connected to each other, or in other words, a polygon.

And so, I settled for Coinypin (Coiny x Pin). It took a long time to neaten up everything until I got the result in which I liked. Yeah, I know it's just a bunch of lines and circles, but who cares? I'm happy with it though.

apologies for making a spelling error on the filename, it was supposed to say "tpot coinypin" but i was too lazy to rename it, and then i did it afterwards lol

This is a story in which I did the unthinkable. Next TPOT ship to be drawn on KolibriOS is Sawty (Saw x Gaty), sooner or later, and I hope it turns out fine as the Coinypin one.

The end.

Love,

- Kevin, the real koduflower2000.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

god help me what a rehearsal that was (3hr theater dress rehearsal edition)

hung out with viola friend before while we drank hot chocolates and a little ladybug landed on me right before we went inside. i put them down on a bench but as we were unpacking inside it turned out that they'd followed us inside so i went and took them out again

started rehearsal off strong with tita conductor making her appearance in the longest most Shaped coat.

apparently we are going to get a DRONE VIDEO taken of us in our normal rehearsal room??? help me????? at least i won't have to collect music on sunday afternoon

the dvořák sounded ALARMINGLY BETTER in the theater than in the rehearsal room like huh?? whuh huh??? i thought the theater was supposed to be the acoustically inferior room help me 😭

i cued the seconds into the triplet at bar 30 and tita conductor looked me dead in the eye with a BIG, full-face smile as she conducted and i vaguely remembered the one tumblr post that was like 'a girl's frizzy hair is actually her halo', which was a fun thought to have at bar 30 of the third movement of dvořák's symphony no. 7

we get to the brahms and tita conductor says 'we need to not get too excited with this one' and then had us run through the most pussy-popping, emotional, this-is-the-reason-why-it's-almost-number-1-on-my-spotify-wrapped second theme. like girl how do you expect me to be normal about this

there were apparently conductor-provided chocolates in the green room but i did not see or partake in any of them because i was too occupied with the egg salad sandwich that had almost made me late to meet with viola friend

another piece that sounded startlingly better in the theater than in the rehearsal room: the cello concerto. like that was GOOD

at some point (idr where) we were playing and tita conductor let out an actual groan; she explained after cutting us off 'violins, i let out that cry of pain because we did not end that phrase'

we pressed on and to be completely honest lads, by hour three i was really tiring out and making really stupid mistakes so i had to dial back. i was probably playing at like 60% or 70% by the time we got to the haydn but we still ran through the whole thing like tita conductor. please. im expired

we returned to the beginning and tita conductor leaned over my stand mid-conducting and said something about a C-sharp and i was so startled that i promptly lost my spot, stopped playing for a second, and looked up at her like 🥺. much to viola friend's mirth

ate honorsprofessor and the ethnomusicology grad student in my section both complimented my leading 🥹 like it means a lot to me bc i may not be the most skilled or best violinist but if i'm a good leader then it's okay. and i feel like my work here has helped me become stronger and stronger as a violinist in ways i couldn't have if i had retracted my audition application last minute like i thought i would in july 2022

so yeah. onward to the weekend i guess

[phoenixradiant]

Writer Questionnaire

My thanks to @paeliae-occasionally for the tag! This gets pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut

About how long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr?

Dunno, probably a bit over half a year at this point? Was it around February?

What led you to create it?

@ theidealistcynic (not actually @-ing him but he doesn't have a nickname like I do so) had one and he saw some people being less vague than he was and was like "Hey Fen here's a place where you can anonymously rant!" So now I'm here.

What’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

Probably the way we can joke about each others' characters. I don't do it too too much because I've gotten aspects of my mutuals' characters wrong before, but it's always fun either way.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

If you ever want real-life advice, I'm always willing to oblige. Can't promise it'll be helpful, but I'll try. You're all people with lives, same as me, and I'd be remiss not to try to help when I can.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I actually made a post about this awhile back, but I'd love to see more unprompted rambling. I run across a lot of tag games, which are great, but not as great as someone choosing what they want to talk about for themselves.

Which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I'm actually sworn to just the one until I finish Act II at the very least. Which means it's Kelovir, has been for awhile, and will be awhile longer.

How long have you been working on them?

This is a pretty loaded question to be perfectly honest. I've been working on the prose draft for a bit over a year and three-quarters at this point. But the larger world it's set in has been lodged in my mind for over a decade. I suppose it came to fruition in what can reasonably be called its current form in late 2021/early 2022.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

No. Ink runs through my veins, light resides in my lungs, lifting me into the sky to see worlds and powers beyond our own. It just sort of happened, kinda like how you just happen to think some things taste better than others. I prefer to write rather than play sports or draw. It's always been that way, I suspect it will always be that way.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Too much for how little I write.

When someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

I'm an antisocial prick to 97% of people, so I don't often get asked that. My non-writer friends and family are all decently smart avid readers, so they're familiar with a decent number of fantasy classics and figure that's what I write because that's what I read. Among my writer friends we're all SSF writers, so we don't bother asking for generics. If someone asked that question right now, though, I'd probably say something along the lines of "A fantasy story about finding purpose in a world hellbent on destroying it." Most people who don't know what fantasy is proceed to disparage it if I bother to explain, so I leave off the explanation usually.

Name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, your first original abomination; whomever you’d like!

Hmm. I'm going to name Jikolovor. He's a very minor character who shows up for one scene with Maiph and Lycoris, but he has a lot of backstory importance for Radiaten specifically. He's an odd fellow who is very big on order and intentionality. He doesn't think of emotions as bad, but they must be in agreement with reason, and he doesn't hate freedom, but thinks it must be bounded to certain moral lines.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Kesh Anyraz. Unfortunately his whole personality is being unhinged so that's hardly an interesting answer. Cellic gets pretty unhinged for a bit there, but he comes out of it, so the character who was once on hinges that has since become unhinged would probably be Anesaru. She's just sane enough to be really dangerous, but just insane enough to... do what she does as a villain (spoilers).

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Cellic feels very comfortable to me because I understand and enjoy him. Kar is comfortable-ish because his narration style and speaking style is very informal. Narra isn't ever very comfortable, but her difficult moments are never as difficult to write as the other two either. As to non-PoV characters, Radiaten has a very consistent personality and shares my sensibilities for when is appropriate to quip, so he's about as close to a personality self-insert as I get. So not super close but you get the point.

Do you ever cringe at them?

Only when I'm intentionally writing them to be cringeworthy. Other than that, I have an actor's sensibilities when it comes to earnesty in art. I cringe at real life far more often than I do at my characters, not because people in real life are earnest, nothing against that, but because I'm socially inept and even I can see how tactless and out-of-place they are.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

I'm a student of the "driver's seat" school of art, so I'm in control the whole way along. Characters can nudge me certain directions, sometimes I decide on the spur of the moment to add an extra scene or something, but ultimately I decide on the start and end points and most of how they get there. Sometimes that changes, but individual characters are never the cause of that. It's always two or three characters in confluence or, more often, a more thematic moment. I'm pretty good at wrangling my characters into shape... it just sometimes means writing new scenes takes awhile.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

Nods in laconic appreciation.

What makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

I follow people who I consistently see making or reblogging posts that I'm interested in. Simple as that. I suppose I can be a bit stingy with my follows, but a lot of it is that I don't want to find out they made one good writing post and then spend the rest of their time complaining about how everyone they know irl except them is a selfish bastard who deserves to be bound, gagged, and thrown into the ocean (yes I have someone in mind, no it's not any of you, don't worry). I am, I have discovered, a more plot-focused reader than a lot of people, and so I appreciate writeblrs who talk about their story as a cohesive unit, rather than just plot or just characters or just world. The weaving of all that together is definitely something I look for.

What makes you decide against following?

Oh whoops probably should've saved part of last question for this one. Ah well. Openly hostile and ungrateful people, mostly. Show common courtesy and you'll be fine.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

I mean... Do I?

Okay, so I looked into it, and I do routinely interact with a few non-mutuals, but I follow all three of them. I don't remember the last time I interacted with someone who I am not now following (actually I think I reblogged one writing advice post about dialogue tags). So not much, but sometimes, I guess.

Solid meh

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

A couple of them do. Not all of them, but a decent number. There's like a critical mass of information after which they can reliably stay in my head. The ones who I hear more about are the ones who take up occasional residence in my imagination.

This was fun! NP tagging @the-ellia-west, @pluppsauthor, and @somethingclevermahogony!

[peculiar-potato]

My Art Fight 2024 Stats & Summary!

(This might be really boring but I like numbers and this is my tumblr so too bad)

For starters, here’s my progress on the Art Fight Bingo card, almost blacked the whole thing out! I hit a lot of categories with the same attacks, so to avoid too much repetition I decided to fill in the blocks with attacks I thought fit the brief the best, even if they weren’t the first one to check it off.

A few things of note, compared to previous years:

I had 28 level 1 attacks I needed to revenge (not counting chains). This most direct revenges I had to do so far! (Previous record was 21 in 2021). Essentially a lot more people attacked me first this year!

My attacks to defenses ratio this year (including mass attacks I was included in) was 42.2%. This is my lowest ratio of all the years, and the first time it fell below 50%. I did revenge everyone but I got a lot of attacks back for my mass attack so I technically received more art.

I did 38 attacks, which is my second-lowest amount of attacks (I did 31 in 2018). This was because my mass attack took up a ton of time, and now it just takes me longer to make attacks of the quality I want to.

18 of those attacks were friendly fire, which ties for the most friendly fire attacks in a year (I also did 18 in 2020), but friendly fire overall made up a higher percentage of my total attacks this year.

I had at least one character included in 19 mass attacks, which beat my record of being included in 12 in 2021. (Worth noting that between both 2022 and 2023 I was included in only 8, so I was not used to this many ahah).

This year my mass attack scored 9609.75 points, which absolutely destroyed my previous personal record of 3750.25 in 2021.

That helped my total points scored this year land at 12445.75, which is way more than previous years, my previous record being 7340.75 also in 2021.

In general, my fan characters took my art fight by storm, receiving wayyy more attacks than any of my original characters, which hasn’t happened before! I think a big contributing factor to this was all the mass attacks I was included in, but still, it was really interesting!

This year’s “fan favorite” (character who received the most attacks) was actually a tie between two characters- Twelve and Cyrus, both being included in 12 (aha) attacks each! Gray was a pretty close second being included in 11 attacks.

New/different things I did this year:

A lot more animation! I’ve done tiny bits here and there, but this year I actually fully animated a few attacks (including my mass attack)

Also my giant amv mass attack lol. So much fun but so much work ahah.

A traditional art attack! I’ve never actually submitted a traditional art attack in all my years of art fight despite originally being a traditional artist before I got into digital art in like 2017.

More comics! I did quite a few comics as revenge, (usually as revenge for others’ comics), and those were really fun too.

A lot more character interaction! I included my characters in attacks on other characters more, usually as revenge for people who already drew our characters together. Building off of other attacks and kind of “continuing the story” when I got a coupe comics was really fun.

Bonus doodle reward! Whoever was the first to draw one of my characters for the year got a bonus mini-doodle in my cartoony style of the character of theirs I attacked/revenged with. This was in an effort to try and get more of my characters attacked instead of people just focusing on some of the same ones. I don’t know if it actually made that much of a difference in getting more of my characters attacked, but it was kinda fun. I almost forgot to add the doodles though sometimes ahah. I haven’t decided if I’ll bring that back next year or not

Overall I had a great time! I would say this has been my favorite year of Art Fight so far, beating 2021 which was my old favorite. Only disappointment is not getting to do quite as many attacks as I wanted to due to time constraints- there were a few people I wanted to attack but didn’t get to. In general though, this year was awesome, and I’m sad to see it end. Already cooking up some fun ideas for next fight though!

Here’s a few screenshots from my overcomplicated spreadsheet that break down some of the numbers!

[thevoidstaredback]

So, the beginning of 2022, my friend invited me onto a Minecraft server with the intent to build a world and a story. We planned to invite friends (which we did) and record our adventure and post them on YT and TT and Twitch.

We have a single video up and it's the trailer that we filmed this year.

It took us (our build team of 7 people) four months to get the world designed and built.

We managed to record the first video three months ago, and now 1 of the main guys is ghosting everyone, another one won't go on without him, another has basically dropped off the grid, and the one actually editing the video and putting everything together won't post it to YT despite it being done. (She's waiting on the ghoster, but me and the other admins just told her to cut him out. Hell, I offered to voice over his parts!)

I (the only author in the group with posted works [fanfiction 100% counts]) was supposed to write the story, but that was given off to my sister (who was supposed to post the video months ago) by our main admin (the guy who invited me). She was also named the head of the build team (had me build a castle that our admin approved, told me it was too big, made me make another one, told me it was too small. I told her to shove it and that I'd take the castle and my other builds with me if she made me change it another time)

Am I salty? Very much so. I was the first to be added. I was supposed to write the story- I actually had six pages done before my sister was given the task! I was supposed to be on the build team, but apparently I either wasn't good enough or they didn't trust that I would stay to the aesthetic. I was also supposed to have a bigger part, but life got in the way, so that's on me.

Now, I'm just the back up for everyone, but they aren't even letting me do that! Instead, I get pity builds and 'does this make sense?' (not in a beta reader sense)

Also! I was supposed to oversee the accounts (like a manager or a mod) but that's also been given to someone else! (The accounts in question being YouTube, TikTok, Discord, I tried to convince them for Tumblr, and any other they wanted)

We restarted the server twice, sticking with the one we're on now. We've got the cast, the builds, and now no one can find time for anything because we scheduled it out weeks to months in advance, and yet no one marks it down.

At this point, I'm gonna learn how to draw (something I haven't even tried in 6 years), animate, and edit videos just so we actually have the content that we promised to put out 2 years ago!

Totally off topic: Is anyone willing to teach me how to draw humanoids, animate things, and/or edit videos? I can pay you in food (for now) (and possibly story commissions)

In other news, I have It's Raining Tacos stuck in my head

[dearestxiao]

Hey I just wanted to ask and I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfy but what happened to saekogun? I missed your #junesdegeneracyau and then I found out everything disappeared which was weird bcs I recall seeing ur blog in like March 2022

hi there nonnie... omg wow it's been such a long time since I've actually posted on this blog. thank you so much for the concern and to anyone else who's asked about me.

to give a quick tldr as to what happened with saekogun exactly: I took a break from writing right around a point in my life where I was both very busy, and slowly becoming more and more happy. the break turned out to be much longer than I thought it would be, and I one day decided to get rid of saekogun. my mental health has improved immensely, and I just wanted to say hello again.

I will start this off by saying I am very much alive and well. at the start of my first semester last year I decided to take a break from writing so that I could focus on my classes and internship and... just about everything else life had in store for me. it was initially supposed to be a short two week break, which is why I had initially never posted about it. but as more and more time went on, big (good) things kept happening in my life, and I had felt as if my mental health had additionally improved being away from tumblr. I decided that, for the sake of my mental well-being, I would not return for quite some time until I was fully stable enough to do so.

tumblr was a really weird source of turmoil in my life back then, which is kind of funny to say now that I look back on it (it sounds sooooo unserious, I know I know). I never talked about this openingly on my blog, but I did struggle a lot with my mental health, especially as someone with bpd. during the time that I wrote for saekogun, I had consistent and heavy episodes and mood swings. I knew no one else with bpd nor did I have someone I could talk about it with, so I felt a bit alone.

I felt very alone in my struggles and used tumblr as a sort of crutch and aid and it helped. immensely. but it also hurt me in different ways. I treated tumblr as a big responsibility in my life and it felt like I had a full time job as a content creator. I'm also neurodivergent and my executive function issues were beating me up without remorse. this was at a point in my life where I really did not have time for running my blog, but writing and interacting with the lovely following I had generated felt great. it was just too much for me though unfortunately, so I decided to move on.

I decided that I would keep the blog up running so that people could still enjoy it in my absence. however, one night after thinking on it for months I decided to just get rid of it. it sounds odd, but now that I was healing, that blog was just too representative and tied to a bad era of my life for me to want it to keep existing. so I banished it into the void, never to be seen again.

a lot of stuff has happened between now and then. to keep things short and sweet, I'm a lot happier now. I won't say things are absolutely perfect, because not everything can be of course, but I feel as though I've healed and grown. some amazing things have happened and for the first time in years I experienced true joy for a very long period of time. I'll stop myself from rambling before I get too cheesy and corny. but just know that it fr does get better y'all. I'm so glad I've lived long enough to a point where I can confidently say that.

I have a lot of regrets when it comes to saekogun. I definitely was not the best blog runner. I was constantly behind on asks and projects and I made lots and lots of mistakes when it came to my posting schedules and how I handled asks. I had so many asks that I never got to and made so many promises I couldn't keep. for that I deeply and utterly apologize. I do wish that I had done better and am sorry to those who've I disappointed. I thank everyone who had took the time to send something in and put time and energy into my blog.

another regret I have is not saving the color blue before I had gotten rid of the blog. that story is unfortunately lost to time itself since I don't have any portion of it saved. which sucks because if there was anything I'd continue to write about here from my old blog, it'd be that, but I have no access to it now.

I'm also sorry for anyone I have worried in my absence. I really should have made a post sooner, but I honestly had no idea what to say. I didn't know how to come back, and the longer I took to say anything, the harder it got.

I am beyond grateful for everything you've all had done for me, and for sticking around and checking up on me, and for enjoying my content in the first place. I cannot put into words how much it means to me for people to have cared about my silly little degenerate posts. from the bottom of my heart, I seriously thank you all. I also thank my sweet anons, old mutuals, and any followers who are still here.

now, onto the big question: will I ever write for this blog again? the answer is... iffy. I often fantasize about being able to write again, but the truth is I'm not into genshin anymore whatsoever, which is an issue since my primary fandom was always genshin. at some point after sumeru's initial release, I was simply just not as into the game anymore, and was too busy to actually sit down and play. I have no idea what's going on lore or game wise, and anything thats happened fandom wise either.

unfortunately, I'm not interested in getting back into genshin, so I'm very sorry to disappoint anyone who was hoping for more content like what I used to create.

however, I love writing. and I'm still really into yanderes and dark fiction as a whole. but I'm currently not into any fandoms that I think people would really be interested in so I don't think I have much to offer in terms of content. so for now, it's a... maybe? I guess we can talk about that as time goes by.

this is absolutely not to promise I'll actually be back though. I'm not sure if I'd be able to run a blog still to be honest, atleast not consistently. but I would love to drop by and post a little something every now and then and talk with you all.

thank you all once again, and thanks to whoever read this entire mess of words. listen, I'm rusty okay 😔

[mel0000]

My top BL-Series Of 2022

Hello my fellow Bl-fans. The girls/ gays and theys obviously won this year, so let’s look back on our blessings 😃

I’m not spoiling anything or I’m trying not to, let’s go 🚶🏻‍♀️

1. KinnPorsche

This doesn‘t come surprising, does it? I remember how I lived week to week back then and the mafia topic was still kind of new and oh so exciting. Enough sexyness, earnestness and humour gave this series a well rounded outcome. There were still holes in the plot here and there but where weren‘t any this year? Let‘s move on. (Waiting for season 2)

2. Semantic Error

My god, these two held me by my throat in the beginning of this year, you couldn‘t help but immediately fall in love with them. It was a successful series and I hope Jaechan and Seoham will do another project in the future, but I don’t think so as of now.

3. Young Royals 2

Another Wilmon gold piece produced, which plot went smooth and showed progress over the episodes. It’s still very short for such an amazing piece and I miss Wilmon almost all of the time, but I‘ll gladly wait for season 3.

4. The Eclipse

The portraying of strong queers went WILD with this one. How Akk got weak in the knees because of Ayan had me gushing over them every week. The plot is lacking a little tho since some points weren’t finished/ worked on properly and Thua..no, just no. Neo looked so dann handsome in his role though and did such a good job with Louis!

5. Between Us

It‘s not finished yet and the plot seems to move too slow atm, but boy, Win is the consent king of this year and is doing the work for every bl character this year that couldn’t do the bare minimum. *COUGH*LITA*COUGH*

We also got a P‘Deeaan~ and the UWMA throwback is nice and so well done from this perspective.

6. Cutie Pie

Nunew and Zee feeding the sub bottom/ dom top fetish/ height difference fetish well 😂 I didn’t like the bff side couple that much and sometimes the corny plot was too much, but the acting was well done.

7. My School President

I can’t believe either that this is in my list already BUT IT IS MAKING ME FEEL THINGS THAT COME CLOSE TO THE THINGS I FELT WHILE WATCHING BAD BUDDY. It is super cute now, not like you think at the beginning and I can’t wait for a new episode. The fandom posts here on Tumblr are also 😘👌🏻

8. Never Let Me Go

This one is also here already. Can’t say much except for the acting that has improved for both Pond and especially Phuwin, my little guy grew up.

9. Blueming

One of the best k-bls this year, hands down. Story, aesthetics, just everything.

10. 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us

"You ask me what I‘m thinking about, I tell you that I’m thinking about whatever you’re thinking about“ it’s DADDY ISSUES, everyone! We all needed a series like this. It was slow-paced and kind of clickbait, but the aesthetic shots made up for that. Nothing made up for the one of a hell annoying mother tho. I also didn’t know any of the actors before even though they seem quite famous.

Very honorable mentions:

Plus And Minus (best Taiwanese bl, still not over the cameo)

Star In My Mind (the Joong-flavour)

My Only 12% (good worked out plot, good acting, angsty season)

Enchanté (the end omg 🤦🏻‍♀️, Force is one handsome dude)

Old Fashion Cupcake & Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice (best of Japan this year)

My Secret Love (preferred the second couple)

Cherry Magic The Movie (😍 I missed them and WEDDIIIIING)

Big Dragon (…they could improve the plot for season 2)

Love Mechanics (the kinda non-con at the end turned me off and it wasn’t my favourite story to begin with)

Eternal Yesterday (I should‘ve watched the trailer, I didn’t expect THAT 😂 but it was still good)

To My Star 2 (at first I thought we didn’t need the angst, but we kind of did)

Vice Versa (good story, mediocre acting, not my favorite couple except for the lesbians 😏)

Cupid’s Last Wish (…we didn’t need that, but EarthMix we did)

Kissable lips (I’m happy that the actors still work together, but it was mediocre)

About Youth (can’t remember anything, but it was good 😶)

My Tooth Your Love (cute and the couples slayed)

Magic Of Zero (🥹 EarthMix and MilkLove)

Secret Crush On You (super corny and mediocre acting, but the topics they handled and how they handled them!! Rare occasion)

The Tuxedo (pretty actors and an okay plot)

The Miracle Of Teddy Bear (not my cup of tea, but I’m happy it was kinda famous in Thailand)

Not so honorable mentions:

Minato’s Laundromat (did turn me off and also non-con)

A Man Who Defies The World Of BL 2 (it was probably decent, but I can’t remember one second of it 😫, I’m getting old)

Ocean Likes Me (cute and HOLLAND💓💓💓💓💗 but we didn’t need that)

Cherry Blossoms After Winter (the non-con destroyed it)

Our Days (I don’t know what the person ate that made the plot go this way)

Check Out (we all know why this is here, I can watch porn instead, thanks)

Close Friend 2 (oh we didn’t need that as well)

Love In The Air (kinda non-con and Mame can’t live without rape in a plot, sorry not sorry)

Oh!My Sunshine Night ( I started this series and stopped after two episodes since it was boring, sorry OhmFluke)

War Of Y (started off good, but went downhill pretty fast. Been skipping the last few weeks through the episodes)

Love Victor 3 (not sure where to put this honestly. I loved 1&2, but this was a back and forth, which is normal for teenagers, but I think this wasn’t it for me)

Mr. Cinderella (finally a Vietnamese bl, but not my cup of tea)

Heartstopper (kinda overhyped, plot didn’t get me, boring 😶)

Note at the end: Look how far we’ve come! It’s sad bl’s with lots of sex scenes get the most attention, I recommend everyone to just watch porn if you’re thinking a series/ movie is bad/ not enough because there is not enough bed sports displayed. If you’re an adult, you must know there are relationships that aren’t only in for the sex. (Since I’ve seen enough people saying you’re not a couple when you’re not having sex, BULLSHIT YOU F***ING CHILDREN)

Thanks for coming to my rant. Let’s hope for a better 2023!

[akfamilyhome]

YouTube 2022 Year in Review

Sorry for the wait on this one! This is what catching COVID after Christmas does to your schedule, I guess. This will be my first Year in Review post shared on Tumblr instead of Patreon! They're freely available to read either way, but this is a more suitable place to put it, probably. For those who don't know, in each of these posts I look back on the stuff I put out on YouTube throughout the past year, and perhaps share more interesting facts about them that I haven't before!

This year has been sort of a continuation of what happened in 2021. I graduated and got into a day job at the end of that year, so this year was mostly me adjusting to things, and as a result, output on the YouTube channel hasn't been as frequent as I'd hoped as I didn't have too much time to write/continue scripts.

However, I did explore other avenues for smaller-scale but still interesting topics, including the videos I put up on my rebranded second channel, Akfamilyhome Plus! I'll talk more about those videos later in the post. And of course, I started a Tumblr account, which you're currently reading from right now. In addition to that, I've been upgrading my computer setup as well, going from my 2017 MacBook Pro to a full-fledged PC for gaming and editing work! Migrating stuff over and adjusting my workflow for it wasn't super annoying, and thankfully the videos I made in the latter half of the year helped with that.

So anyway, stuff that I DID put out! Let's see what fun facts I can share along the way.

Every Unique Level Gimmick in New Super Mario Bros.

You could say this is the one "big" video I put out this year, and man I really wished I could've put out more of them! Regardless, what started as a small interesting discussion with a couple of mutuals about New Super Mario Bros. DS ended up as a pretty fun romp down memory lane and an excuse for me to babble about obscure Mario enemies! I was also very satisfied with the jokes in this one -- hopefully they weren't too bothersome for some of you lol

Of course, my list of what constitutes as unique level gimmicks isn't 100% accurate, some people have pointed out a few objects that actually did appear in later games like the tilting lava plaforms, but I think I still got most of them!

Some folks have asked if I'll do similar videos on later games of the NSMB series. Like other potential sequels to my videos, it's something I can consider, but considering they most likely have less unique gimmicks compared to the DS entry I'm not in the biggest rush to do so. There are still other overlooked aspects of the later games I could potentially talk about though, like the Coin Rush packs in NSMB2.

"10-in-1" Nintendo Switch Sports Accessories

Most of the videos released this year were kinda spontaneous ideas rather than the topics that were stuck in burnout limbo, including this video on plastic Switch Sports accessories that a Twitter poll convinced me to make! Yes, it is a simple review of plastic accessories at the end of the day, but some of them actually did surprise me a little and I thought the video struck a nice balance between constructive demonstration and dunk-fest.

For those asking about further testing...this accessory kit has since found a new home. Would rather have a family actually have a reason for using this than it taking up space at my place!

Since I found this accessory pack, there are other similar ones that have started popping up in stores here as well, including ones that contain golf clubs as well! ...I'm not sure if I want to make reviewing these a regular thing though.

Regarding my tangent during the Volleyball segment about using Joy-Con strapped to your arms and legs as VR trackers...there's already a tool that tries to pull that off called SlimeVR Wrangler! I have not tried it myself yet, but for those who have spare Joy-Con lying around this could be something to look into.

I bought the arcade version of Rhythm Tengoku

...that title kinda says it all! This all happened from me stumbling across an auction for the arcade game cartridge itself and biting the bullet, and documenting the whole process of getting it to work has been both frustrating AND fun (and perhaps even useful for other arcade noobs like me lol). I still have the cab where it is and it does still work when it wants to! Someday I might be able to hook up larger arcade-style controls to it or even build a standalone station or cab for it...but there is absolutely zero room at my place for a setup like this right now, so that will have to be in the very far future!

A month after this video was posted, a listing popped up on Yahoo Japan Auctions for the original control panel itself! ...at that point I didn't have more money to burn for both that and the necessary adapters and wiring to get it to work though, so hopefully it went to a good home.

Slightly unrelated, but it was a while since I posted an unscripted video on the main channel, and I thought I did a pretty good job in this one without stuttering or repeating too much! If you liked that and want to see more, I have more unscripted content over on Akfamilyhome Plus which I'll also touch on later!

The Famicom Disk System Cleaning Extravaganza

This is a case where I really just wanted to indulge in talking about the obscure of the obscure. I'm sure just generally talking about the Famicom Disk System and the stuff I've collected for it would make for a great video, but there actually hasn't been a YouTube video about these cleaning kits that aren't in Japanese! I also kinda liked the bootleg disk tangent, and hope that gave you an interesting glimpse at the early gaming scene in Hong Kong.

Like I said in the video, the cleaning spray counted as flammable material, so I wasn't able to ship it from Japan to Hong Kong. I'd like to thank PushDustIn for taking care of it in the meantime and also cameoing in the video! If anyone has further (legal) ideas on how to get that spray from Japan to Hong Kong, please let me know.

For those who were interested in the footage of early Hong Kong gaming stores shown in the video, I'd like to share its source! It's from a 1990 Japanese documentary featuring a local media personality investigating the booming Hong Kong video game market (and bootlegging scene). The clean rip I'm sharing below unfortunately doesn't have any subtitles (and the only reupload with subs I've seen was in Chinese), but it still shows some pretty fascinating accessories and scenes of a time period that even I was never around for!

Every Game I've Beaten in 2022

And here's my latest video, from...a few days ago as of this post! It's a quick review of every single game I've beaten during 2022, at nearly a game per minute! I would've loved to have it out earlier at the end of 2022, but then y'know, Christmas COVID happened.

As I said near the end of the video, I wanted it to be less of a simple "Top 10 Games of 2022" video and instead let me share a wild grab bag of games from different generations that might pique others' interest, and reading some of the comments, it seems that it accomplished exactly that! Thank you to those who watched it all the way.

I'm definitely down to do a similar video at the end of 2023 as well, but it hopefully will be shorter. I might write down each of these review sections as I finish each game as well, rather than doing it as one big batch near the end of the year. Actually, 2 games are already on the list so far. How many will it end up with? We'll see!

Akfamilyhome Plus videos

And that's not all, as I've shared quite a few unscripted videos on Akfamilyhome Plus this year! There have been new meme videos and core video commentaries posted this year, as well as a fun random idea I had of asking folks in my Discord server to GUESS! THAT! NINTENDO! IMPRINT! (you can watch the video above if you haven't yet)

Near the end of 2021, I started posting bonus unscripted videos for Patreon supporters. A handful of those videos have also been posted publicly since, so you can now enjoy videos of me:

Checking out four different variants of Tetris on the Game Boy

Trying the Hong Kong version of the Famicom

Write-protecting a Famicom disk

Flipping through a licensed Chinese Mario 64 strategy guide

Playing a 3DS game upside down

Messing with the GBA wireless adapter

Visiting a private retro museum in Hong Kong

Reminiscing about every 3DS Puzzle Swap panel

And throwing a Famicom disk into water!

And for patrons, there's still a bunch of exclusive videos available, from checking out the Nintendo DSi XL Demo Video carts, to reading the 2010 Nintendo anti-piracy manual! As more videos are posted on Patreon, some of the older ones will rotate out into public availability, and that's how I'd like to keep it going for a while. But if you can't wait around or want to show your support, all these videos are available on Patreon for as low as only 1 USD a month and will remain so for the forseeable future!

(It also gives you quick access to my semi-closed Discord server, but if you'd like a peek at this chill place of discussion, here's a 25-use invite link as thanks for reading all the way down here!)

That's almost everything I've put out on YouTube this year! That's not even counting the time I freaked out at Chris Pratt Mario!

This year, while I'll still be trying to get some of my limbo scripts off the ground, I'll probably embrace more spontaneous ideas like I did during 2022 as well, so I don't fall too heavily into a production rut. And after a year at my day job, I hope this year I can strike the balance between that and YouTube work more easily. I'd like to revamp my Patreon presentation later this year as well and continue to make cool stuff for it as thanks! The dream of being able to do YouTube work full time continues.

Thank you for your continued support, and hopefully this year will be a better one!

[sarcasticsciencefictionwriter]

A, F, J, K, M, U, and X for the ask game <3

Thank so much for the ask! 💕🥰

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Currently I am obsessed with these:

Helen/John (Sanctuary)

Helen/Nikola (Sanctuary)

Helen/John/James (Sanctuary)

Sam/Jack (Stargate SG-1)

Cassie & SG-1 (Stargate SG-1)

Helen & Henry (Sanctuary)

(Also, basically any found family bonds in Sanctuary)

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Hmm. Not long, because I've only actively participated in fandom since March 2023, if you're going by those standards.

I've loved Sanctuary since I first saw in 2016, but I didn't start writing for it (or really for any fandom) before 2022.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Doctor Who.

I've never watched it or given it much thought, but apparently a lot of my mutuals love it. I've been seeing gif-sets, screenshots, jokes, and headcanons everywhere and I didn't even really know anything about it before I got on Tumblr.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Nikola Tesla from Sanctuary. (Sorry Regina).

When he was first introduced, he most definitely would have hurt and/or killed Helen to get what he wanted. No one can deny that. His reasons for joining them in Bhalasaam weren't exactly unselfish either.

I know there's a lot of he always loved her, but I don't think that's really the case, beyond it starting as infatuation with a woman he respected, admired, and cared about.

But through his arc you get to see him grow from a selfish bastard to someone who actually genuinely cares about the others and regrets his actions when his good intentions are turned against him, to the point where he does everything he can to fix it.

He grows from the selfish vampire to someone who cares beyond that one person (Helen) to everyone else and what they care about, though he wouldn't admit it.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Henry Foss from Sanctuary. I think he'd just be a really good friend to have. A bit laid back, but incredibly loyal and a nerd. We could fan over things, build stuff, and play video games.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Helen (Sanctuary) -- What's not to love? She's badass, determined, flawed, caring, bisexual, smart, mama bear, allergic to feelings. There's honestly so many reasons she's my favorite I can't think of them all.

Sam (Stargate SG-1) -- Probably for most of the reasons I listed Helen, honestly. She's incredibly smart, she's tough, she's in the military, she's a realistic female character in an almost completely male setting. She stands on her own, but is part of team she would die for.

Regina (Once Upon a Time) -- (I most certainly do not have a type) She has such a great character arc. She was a villain because of her trauma and wasn't stopped from doing the Big Bad that trauma fueled. She was very resistant to changing herself and her growth to a better person was on her terms. She's also tough and badass.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

I want to say dark! fics for some reason, but I'm not sure that's a trope. 🙈

Probably enemies-to-lovers. I've read a smattering of Sanctuary, Stargate, and Supernatural fics with them and I've enjoyed them immensely.

(I'm also a sucker for pregnancy fics, but those fall into way too many categories to straight up just say 'pregnancy fics').

Thanks for the lovely asks, sorry if it got a bit lengthy! ❤️

[hyde-nseek]

Looking Back on 2023

Fun Fact: I started sharing my art publicly this year for the first time. Before this, I only showed close friends that were too nosy and peeked at my sketchbook. A lot has changed since then! Here are the highlights!

January

Not much actually happened for me, except for finishing up things from 2022.

February

I did my first big art project in February, while playing through Skyward Sword for the third time.

I also joined my first Discord server!

March

I shared art on Discord! Like the ones of Sheik and Ravio! Honestly, they're still some of my favorite art pieces from the year.

April

The Adventures of Korok Hyde begin! I created this little guy because I wanted something fun to draw about Hyrule. It stretched me to draw landscapes, especially in my cartoon shading style, but drawing Hyde really helped me figure that out!

I also joined Tumblr! (worst decision I've ever made)

May

Tears of the Kingdom happened! So I drew Tears of the Kingdom! And played Tears of the Kingdom! And started a summer job!

June

My summer job was rough, but I was still able to continue drawing on whatever time I had off. I started another project. The Hylian Pixel Art Titles! It's been the project everyone was the most excited to see both on here and on the Discord I was on.

July

This month was so busy I forgot to have personal time. But that's okay because I had a lot of family fun!

August

I got to see my brother after 3 years of being away from him! It was really cool! Also I drew a picture.

September

I started school! And did more art!

I also started writing for the first time. I decided to write about the Imprisoning War from the perspective of the royal chamberlain who wrote the stylae Link finds in the Messages from an Ancient Era side quest.

October

I did Linktober for half of the month. It was really fun, and I'll probably do it again next month. Here's one of the prompts: Dragon.

November

The Adventures of Korok Hyde continue! I also gave him some friends: Blurtis the blupee, and Floppy the chuchu.

December

I finished the fifth chapter of my fanfic. I also finished Ocarina of Time, Minish Cap, and the Hylian Pixel Art Titles!

Overall, 2023 has been great! I tried a lot of things, and enjoyed most of them. I'm really optimistic for the future.

[reblogging4thewin]

KP's 2022 SPN Year in Review

Soooo much happened in my life in 2022 (well from end 2021 though 2022 really). I am so grateful for the friends both online and off who helped me get through it all 💜. I found myself focusing more on art and editing than writing - but I am really excited to share my Pinefest fic with you all in February!

The #1 creation I'm most proud of this year was my Haze Amv, but I am also blown away by how much my Me and My Broken Heart Amv took off - ending the year with almost 20k views - which is in-sane. Setting and sticking to a regular upload schedule has been motivating and rewarding - I'm excited to post January's video on Thursday too :).

Participating as an artist in a couple of bangs for the first time had me stepping out of my comfort zone and drawing the best human being I've ever drawn to-date.

Aside from making things, I also co-modded the new SPN Bang Bang with my friends @doctorprofessorsong and @you-cant-spell-subtext-without, which went wonderfully well; I"m excited for this year's round!

Last but not least, being an editor and guest for @endofthebookpod has been amazing so far, and I'm excited for the rest of The Winchesters season!

Without further ado, here's a recap of all of the SPN fanworks I made in 2022 (I'll also get my masterlist pages updated to include these):

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Fic (all G or T rated):

Did You Mean It? - PB Exchange - Cas realizes Dean's been flirting with him, so he confronts him - with some satisfying results. (reblog link)

The Theme is Dean - Dean birthday - Dean gets the themed party he's always wanted. (reblog link)

I'm the One He's Walking to - Valentine's Exchange - Is this a date? (reblog link)

Sleepy Stares - they are just so soft (reblog link)

You Never Let Me Say It Back - a poem by Dean (I am particularly proud of the wordplay in this one) (reblog link)

Regarding Bunnies - Easter; goofy Dean - Cas gets Dean a fluffy surprise, that yes they've discussed before. (reblog link)

Mon Pays Sera Toi - Dean really likes how protective Cas can be - it makes him feel safe, among other things. (reblog link)

Magic - Samwena drabble (tumblr only)

Rendevous - Drowley drabble (tumblr only)

What if Dean kissed Cas in The Trap? (tumblr only; in the tags)

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Amvs (I'm posting a new one every 5th now - YT channel):

Words Words Words - Dean Winchester - Comedy (YT link)

Squirrel all the Bad Guys Want - Dean Winchester, Drowley - Comedy (YT link)

When You Were Young - Dean Winchester, Destiel - Drama (YT link)

Haze - BAMF Cas, Destiel - Drama (YT link)

Dream Boy - Destiel - fun (YT link)

Me and My Broken Heart - Destiel - Drama (YT link)

The Shipped Gold Standard - Destiel - Drama (YT link)

Don't Let the Light go Out - Destiel - Drama - got (c) blocked on YT, so the Tumblr post has the original audio and the YT version has pitched concert audio that you can kind of hear me in 😳 (YT link)

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Gifs:

LGBTQIA+ SPN Characters

Aang and Cas entrance parallels

That pose from OTHOAP (which I like to think of as honk.jpg)

The totally-not-suggestive way that Cas eyes Dean in 5*02

500 Days of Winchesters - Spn Win / 500 Days of Summer Crossover - Suptober

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Art:

Dean/Cas/Benny drawing for Spn Bang Bang (Benny here is the best human being I've drawn to-date, and the reason I can no longer say that I can't draw people.)

Juliet the Hellhound drawings for Crowley Big Bang

Smoke - Drowley digital drawing - Suptober

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Meta and meta additions:

The Winchesters initial thoughts

The Winchesters John meta (with gifs)

Rowena is Sam's Benny

SPN Witches' immortality and humanity

See #spn meta in the tags for more thoughts too

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Misc nonsense (non-serious ramblings, sketches, ideas):

Do you wanna go/ do you wanna get out of here

Putting on a tie is such a turn-on apparently

I'll just wait here then Destiel and Merthur parallel (I could go with you is also one but yeah)

A silly little amongus/SPN crossover sketch I might come back to and draw for real.

Sarah Blake references from 8*22 Clip Show

Unusual reactions to 'I love you'

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Non-spn stuff:

Sure this is an SPN year in review, but I did make a handful of other things that I thought it'd be weird to leave out.

Soldier Boy Soulja Boy Amv - (YT link)

Dreamling Dream Amv - (YT link)

Merthur She's got Sorcery Amv - (YT link)

Puppet History Can't Touch This Amv - (YT link)

A Solid Foundation - original sapphic horror story (Reddit link)

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Last year's year in review post was more of a 'here's one fave; check out the pages I made that are a complete list.' But since blog subpages are hidden in the app, I figured I'd do a complete list in the post this year instead.

I plan on doing more writing in 2023 - Pinefest is only the beginning.

Happy new year everyone!

Since tumblr tags suck, I used this Tumblr OP finder to help me put this together.