#mr kripke i really would like to know what was going on in your head ..

[winchesterwild78]

Second Take pt 1

Master List

Characters: Jensen x Reader (exs), Karl Urban, Eric Kripke, other characters from the set of The Boys

Warnings: Angst, Accusations of Cheating, Physical Violence, Mention of Pregnancy Loss

A/N: Just a story that came to me as I’m dealing with crap. Writing to get out of my head…again. The story doesn’t follow The Boys timeline, and will mention the actors and the characters from the show. You and Jensen had dated when you both worked on Supernatural, now years later he joins The Boys. Can the two of you work together again or will the pain be too much? 

This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. 

Reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated. 

Please don’t take my work and use it as your own or on any other platform. 

Minors DNI 18+

The air in the writing room was thick with tension and anticipation. I hated being in here but loved it just as much. I’d been working with Eric Kripke since Supernatural and was thrilled when he asked me to help with The Boys. 

I was adamant I started as an assistant writer and worked my way up. Eric chuckled, but he wasn’t going to argue. So, here I was sitting in the writing room. The first two seasons of the show were great. The fans loved the show and there was a teaser that went out that hinted Soldier Boy would make an appearance in the third season. 

Eric sat everyone down to discuss who he had in mind. “Okay guys listen up. This character has to be brash and confident. He also has to be charming and good looking. I have the perfect person to fit the role. Most of you have worked with him before, some this will be the first time. He’s an incredible guy and is very professional.” 

Eric’s eyes met mine and a soft gasp left my lips. No, please don’t say it. Please, Eric. My mind raced. 

“Everyone, I’d like you to welcome Jensen Ackles, our new Soldier Boy.” 

My breath hitched. The door opened and in walked Jensen. Looking just as good as ever. Older, but still just as good looking. 

He smiled and glanced around the room. When his eyes landed on me his mouth parted in a gasp and he looked at Eric. Guess Eric failed to tell him I’m here too. 

Jensen greeted everyone and then walked over to me. “Hello, Mr Ackles, glad you could make it.” I extended my hand to shake his. My heart pounded in my chest. 

“Miss Y/L/N, how have you been?” I shifted on my feet. His hand in mine sent a shock of electricity through me. I cleared my throat and swallowed hard, “I’ve been good. Writing again for Eric, so I can’t complain. How is Danneel and the kids?” 

“They’re good. The kids are growing up too fast. Can you believe JJ is almost a preteen.” “Oh wow. Then it’s perfect timing for you to play Soldier Boy. You’ll scare the boys off.” 

He laughed. God I missed his laugh. I looked down and realized we were still holding hands. I pulled my hand back and swore I saw his smile fall. 

Eric got everyone’s attention and said the cast and crew were meeting for dinner tonight to introduce Jensen to everyone. 

Walking out of the meeting I heard Jensen talking to Eric. I was in my head not paying attention and ran into Karl. 

“Oi, Love.” His hands steadied me. “I’m sorry Karl. Just in my head and not paying attention.” 

He smirked, “That’s okay love. You can run into me anytime.” I blushed. Karl is a good looking man and really sweet. If I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d consider taking him up on all the advances he throws my way. 

His thumb brushed against my now red cheek and he smiled. “When are you going to leave what’s his name and run away with me?” I smiled and touched his chest, “Maybe soon, you never know.” I kissed his cheek and went to my office. 

A few minutes later there was a knock on my door. “Come in.” I said not looking up. 

I heard the door click shut and I looked up. Jensen was standing there. “Hey sweetheart.” 

I gasped softly. “Jensen. Do you need anything?” 

He smirked and sat down, “I just wanted to talk.” 

“Okay. Is there something wrong with the character or your trailer?” 

Jensen stood and walked to my side. “No, I want to talk about us. What happened between us. We haven’t talked since that night and we’re about to work together again. I want to clear the air.” 

I swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears and pain at bay. My mind drifted to the day we broke up. 

*flashback*

We stood in our apartment in Toronto. Hours of back and forth, followed by silence. My heart was broken. Jensen, my Jensen was leaving. 

“Jens, why? I thought you were in love with me. We talked about marriage, we’re engaged. What changed?” 

Jensen ran his fingers through his hair. His voice soft and broken, “I know baby. I do love you, I just need to figure some things out.” 

My breath hitched, “Who is she?” Jensen’s green eyes were red from crying, he looked at me and then closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

My heart broke. There was someone else. “Jensen, how could you? You said you loved me.” 

Jensen stood in silence. Anger filled me quickly and venom poured out of my mouth, “Who the fuck is she, Jensen?! If you’re man enough to cheat, then you should be able to own it!” 

His voice low, “It’s Danneel.” I gasped, the tears I had been trying to hold back fell fast and hard. “Of course it’s her. She’s been trying to fuck you for years. You fucked her on set, didn’t you? All those late nights on the movie set were really just you being with her?!”

I couldn’t talk or even look at him. I slipped my engagement ring off and sat it on the table in front of him, then I walked away. 

The last time I saw him or talked to him was that day. It had been thirteen years and the pain was still just as raw. 

“Jensen, I don't think that’s a good idea. We’ve both moved on. You’re married to her and I have someone.” 

Jensen’s eyes flicked to mine, “Oh wow. That’s good. I’m glad you have someone. I just wanted to talk, but I understand if you’re not comfortable with it.” 

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to ask him why, but I was terrified of the answer. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not ready.” He nodded, “I understand, sweetheart. I’m ready whenever you are. For what it’s worth, I never cheated.” 

I gasped and he walked out of my office, closing the door behind him. 

An audible sob left my mouth. What?! What did he mean by that? 

All afternoon his words played in my head. I never cheated. By the time I got home my head was spinning. The pain and anger was raw. My boyfriend, Charlie, wasn't home and he said he might not be able to go to dinner tonight. 

I jumped in the shower and cried. My heart is breaking all over again. If he didn’t cheat, why did he leave? Why did he let me accuse him of cheating? Why didn’t he fucking fight for me, for us?! 

I pulled myself together and got dressed. I grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took a shot. Then another. 

My uber pulled up before I could take a third. I arrived at the restaurant and some of the cast and crew were already there. Karl saw me and walked over, taking my coat. “Ello, love. Where’s the boyfriend?” “Not coming.” My speech slurred a little. 

I lost my footing and Karl grabbed me. “Looks like someone had a little party before she got here. You okay?” 

I nodded yes, “Just trying to drown a ghost.” 

My eyes looked up and I saw Jensen. I bit my lip. Karl looked over and followed my eyes to Jensen. “Oh love.” He pulled me tightly to his chest. 

We all sat down to eat and meet Jensen. Eric introduced everyone and the conversations flowed. Dinner was served and I was drinking a little too much. 

Karl was sitting next to me and after I ordered another drink he leaned over and said “Love, I don’t think you should drink anymore. You’ve had a lot.” 

I looked over at him, “Karl, you’re no fun. Who knows, you might get lucky tonight.” I kissed his cheek. “No love, not like this. We are switching you to coffee and water.” 

Jensen noticed I was drunk and he couldn’t take his eyes off of me. I stood to go to the bathroom and Karl and Jensen both jumped up. Eric looked at both of them and then over at me. 

Erin stood and took my arm. She looked at Karl, “I’ve got her.” He nodded and she walked me to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom she grabbed a paper towel and wet it. “Honey, what’s going on? I haven’t seen you like this in a long time.” Tears fell from my eyes as I sobbed loudly, “He didn’t cheat, Erin. Why did he leave me if he didn’t cheat?” 

She looked confused, “Who sweetie? Charlie?” I shook my head no, “Jensen. We were in love. We were supposed to get married. He let me believe he cheated and then he left. She’s living the life I was supposed to. She had the children I was supposed to have with him. Erin, I can’t do this. I can’t work with him. I still love him.” 

She wrapped me in a tight hug. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” “I need to tell Eric I have to quit. Jensen is irreplaceable. He was born to play Soldier Boy. Jensen will make that character his own and bring in so many new fans. You’ll see. I love you guys so much, but I can’t do this.” 

I stumbled to the door and Erin followed me. Walking to my chair I grabbed my stuff. Eric, Jensen and Karl looked at me. They saw my face was red, puffy and tear stained. 

Eric walked over to me, “Hey kiddo, you okay?” I shook my head no, “I’m sorry Eric, I don’t think I can do this.” He hugged me, “Get some rest, we’ll talk later.” 

I walked out of the restaurant and heard someone call my name from behind me. I know that voice. I turned and saw Jensen standing there. “Jensen, go inside. This night is about you. I’m going home. I drank too much and I need to sleep it off.” 

Jensen closed the distance between us, “Baby, please talk to me.” My lip quivered and my heart fluttered, “Jensen, I’m not your baby anymore. You have Danneel and I have Charlie.” “Y/N, please. Please don’t walk away from me again. Please talk to me.” 

I spun on my heels, “Walk away from you again?! Jensen you cheated on me, or at least you let me think you did. I tried to get you to talk to me and you wouldn’t. Then you marry her, have children with her. She’s living the life I was supposed to. The life you promised me. I didn’t walk away from you, you walked away from us. Then you come here and tell me you never cheated!? What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!”

He lowered his head a little, “I know. I’ve been a fucking coward, but I swear I didn’t cheat on you. I loved you. I love you. I always have and always will. I needed time to think because I developed feelings for her, or so I thought I did. After you left I did go back to her because I was scared of being alone. We got married, but it’s always been more of an arrangement than an actual marriage. I don’t regret having my children because I love them so much, but you should have been their mother.” 

Jensen closed the distance between us and cupped my face, “I’m so fucking sorry. Sorry for not fighting for us, for our future. I love you, Y/N.”

I looked into his green eyes so full of hurt and regret and all the love I’d buried deep came bubbling to the surface and before I could stop myself my lips crashed on his. His hands grabbed my waist and pulled me close. 

We pulled away when the need for air became too much. I touched my lips and the realization hit me hard. I just kissed him and he’s married and I’m with someone. I’ve now become the other woman. 

“Jensen, I’m so sorry.” I started to climb in the Uber and Jensen grabbed my arm, “Baby please don’t go.” “Jens, we both know if I stay we will cross a line that shouldn’t be crossed.” He let go of my arm and nodded. I climbed in the car and watched him as the car drove off. 

My heart pounded in my chest. My phone went off and I pulled it out of my bag, it was a text.

Jensen: Y/N, please let me know when you get home. I need to make sure you’re safe.

I sat just staring at the message. I didn’t know what to say. When we kissed I felt all his love, all my love pouring into each other and filling each other. I knew I couldn’t work with him now.

Another message pulled me out of my head. 

Charlie: Hey babe. I’m almost home. Sorry I missed dinner. I can’t wait to hear all about it and your new Soldier Boy. 

Me: I’m almost home too. I can’t wait to see you. 

The Uber pulled up a few minutes later. I walked inside and noticed Charlie wasn’t home yet. I pulled out my phone and took a deep breath.

Me: Hey, just wanted to let you know I’m home. I am sorry for the kiss. It was a mistake and it won’t happen again. 

Jensen: …

I noticed the dots kept appearing and disappearing. A lump formed in my throat. I was staring at my phone when I heard the door. Charlie walked in and set his stuff down. 

He crossed the room and pulled me in a hug and kissed me. This kiss felt so different than Jensen’s. “I missed you today, baby. How was your day?” I was about to answer him when my phone went off. I looked down and saw a notification of a message from Jensen. 

I glanced at the message.

Jensen: Thank you for letting me know you’re safe. Don’t worry about the kiss, but please don’t call it a mistake. It was incredible.

My breath hitched. “Y/N, is everything okay?” Charlie asked with concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, we need to talk.” The two of us sat down and I took a deep breath. “Baby, you’re scaring me. Is everything okay, are you okay?” 

I nodded, “So our Soldier Boy is Jensen.” Charlie looked at me in disbelief, “Like your ex fiancé, Jensen?” 

I nodded. “Okay, well that’s okay baby. I trust you.” 

The tears fell. He grabbed my arms and held me tight. “Shh baby, it’s okay. I know he hurt you.” “Charlie, he told me today he didn’t cheat on me and it hurt. I drank too much and before I left the restaurant tonight I poured all the hurt and anger out. Then I um, I kissed him. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I just kissed him.”

Charlie sat in silence. Taking in my confession. “Charlie, please talk to me.” 

His blue eyes looked at mine. Filled with betrayal and hurt. 

“Do you love him?” “What?” “Do you still love him?” 

I didn’t know what to say. “I um, yes I do, but I love you too.” 

His hand cupped my face and wiped my tears away, “I know you do, but I don’t think you’re in love with me. I think you’ve always been and always will be in love with him. I love you, Y/N and I want you to be happy. If it’s with me that’s great, if it’s not then I want you to be with who makes you happy. I deserve to be the first choice, not the second one.” 

I looked at him. His face trying to hide the pain he felt in his heart. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.” 

He took my hands in his, “I know. That’s not who you are and that’s why you told me about what happened. I love you, Y/N and hope you get everything you deserve and more. You deserve to be loved and happy.” 

He kissed my forehead, stood up and walked to the bedroom. I sat on the couch crying. 

A few minutes later he walked out with a suitcase in hand. “I’m gonna stay with Alex. I’ll be by tomorrow for the rest of my stuff.” 

He walked over to me and I stood up. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I never wanted to hurt you.” He cupped my cheeks, “Hey, Y/N, no don’t do that. Yes this hurts, but I understand. Jensen was your fiancé and you never got closure. Maybe you need to get some. I’ll always be here for you.” He kissed my lips, grabbed his things and left. 

I collapsed on the couch, pulled myself into a ball and cried. I eventually cried myself to sleep. 

The next day at work I stayed in my office. Eric said he was coming by to talk. I didn’t know how to tell him I needed to quit. 

I sat at my desk waiting for Eric when there was a knock on my door. “Come in.” 

Jensen opened the door and looked at me. “Hey, we need to talk.” I nodded and he sat down. “Jensen, I want to tell you what happened last night won’t happen again. I’m sorry. I’m going to tell Eric I can’t work on this project anymore. You’re irreplaceable and I don’t want them to lose you.” 

He shook his head, “Don’t do that. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are. Please don’t throw it away.” 

“I’m not throwing anything away. He’s got other projects I can work on, or maybe I can work from home.” 

As Jensen and I talked my office door flew open. We both jumped and standing at the door was Danneel. Her chest heaving and she looked pissed. “D what are you doing here?” Jensen asked. 

She didn’t answer, she crossed the room, walked up to me and slapped me across the face. Jensen jumped up and yelled her name, “Danneel, what the hell?!” 

My hand covered my face where she hit me. My face is red hot, stinging and throbbing. 

“You bitch! How dare you kiss MY husband. He chose ME! We have children together.” 

I was in shock. "Danneel, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It was a mistake.” 

Jensen was in between us. “D, what the hell? You can’t just go around slapping people.” “Jensen, I had to explain to our family why there are pictures of you kissing another woman all over the internet. Your hands holding her tightly and you kissing her back. Not to mention she’s your ex fiancé. How could you do this to us?” 

She showed Jensen the picture. Someone took it last night and it went viral. 

This must be why Eric wanted to talk. 

Danneel started to leave as people gathered outside my office, “Stay the fuck away from my husband.” She turned on her heels and walked out the door. 

Jensen looked at me and said he was sorry and went after her. 

I stood in my office crying and feeling like a fool. This was my fault. I kissed Jensen. I deserved the slap. I deserve so much more. 

A few minutes later Eric was at my door. “Y/N, we need to talk.” I nodded and he shut the door. 

“Eric, I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I’ll pack up my stuff and leave quietly. I never meant to hurt anyone or cause any trouble.” 

Tears fell fast and heavy. “Y/N, I don’t know everything that happened between you and Jensen all those years ago, but I know none of this is your fault. Yes, I saw the picture last night, but I also saw the pain on yours and Jensen’s faces. I’m not here to fire you or ask you to leave.  I’m here to check on you.” 

That broke me. I sat and cried. “Eric I fucked up. I kissed Jensen last night. I’m still in love with him but he’s moved on with Danneel. I don’t blame her for slapping me. I deserve it. I broke up with Charlie last night. I’m just so alone, so tired of being sad and not enough. I thought Jensen loved me. I was going to marry him, have his children. I was pregnant when we split. I lost the baby about a month after he left. I never told him. I was so broken after losing him and the baby. I couldn’t tell him I lost his baby. Then Danneel gave him three beautiful children. How do I compete with that? I wanted to grow old with him. Damnit, I deserved happiness. I deserved everything we promised each other.” 

I didn’t know Jensen was standing outside the door listening to me. My confession about the baby made him gasp. I hadn’t told him or anyone about the baby. 

Eric stood and walked over to me, pulled me into his arms. “Shh, it’s okay. I know. I’m so sorry you lost your baby. No one should have to go through that, especially alone. Y/N, you need to talk to Jensen and figure out what you two want. No matter what you two decide I’ll support it, but the two of you need to figure it out. I love you both, but I can’t tell you what to do. Go home, rest and I’ll see you in a few days.” 

I tried to protest, but he wouldn’t let me. “Your job is safe Y/N. I have worked with some great writers, but you’re one of the best. I’d be a fool to let you go. Go home and reach out to Jensen.” 

I nodded and he started to walk out. Eric closed the door behind him and gasped when he saw Jensen. “How much of that did you hear?” Eric asked Jensen. Jensen’s eyes filled with pain and tears, “All of it.” Eric placed his hand on Jensen’s shoulder, “Go to her and figure out what you two want. You have to let her know truly how you feel about everything. That woman in there loves you and is so broken. Go fix this Ackles.” 

Jensen nodded and Eric walked away. Jensen took a steady breath and knocked on the door. “Hey, sweetheart, can I come in?” 

Tags are open, if you want to be added or removed, let me know.  

Tags: 

@nescaveckwriter @kr804573 

@k-slla @jackles010378 

@jawritter @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx 

@roseblue373 @cheynovak 

@jassackles  @chriszgirl92

@suckitands33 @arcannaa 

@n-o-p-e-never @ladysparkles78 

@smoothdogsgirl @hobby27 

@manicjk @stoneyggirl2 

@deans-spinster-witch @snowayumi 

@shadowqueen1318 @shanimallina87

@muhahaha303 @fitxgrld

@nancymcl @baby19sthings

@cheekygirl2309 @oceean

@kindollss @foxyjwls007

@lmg14 @cevansbaby-dove

@spxideyver @reignsboy19

@deans-baby-momma @deansimpalababy

@ladykitana90 @quietgirll75 

@superrey @kamisobsessed

@obliviousap @ninii-winchester

@mischiefnevermanaged89-blog @whimsyfinny

@bobbdylan @star-yawnznn

@reignsboy19 @monkey-d-hoshizora98

@depressionbarbie2023 @livingdeadblondequeen

@mandee7 @barnes70stark

@spnaquakindgdom @djs8891

@pughsexual @spnaquakindgdom

@lunaleah @amberlthomas 

[atticwifesam]

when your dream girl is your little brother.

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

[dearmrsawyer]

@kaspbrakeddie​ tagged me to do this thank you so much!! This is going to be further evidence of the disaster that takes place when i’m asked to make decisions!!!

Rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, tag some other people

Lost

Supernatural

Fringe

Community

The Flash

i’m really not sure who is invested enough in tv shows to want to do this! i’m going to tag @nightwideopen @gratitudecafe @gloryhalleloujah @candybarrnerd but please please if you love tv please do this. i’d love to know what shows you love and also your answers.

i feel bad about the length of this so i’m going to put it under a cut 

who is your favorite character in 2?

(supernatural) mr sam winchester my first and dearest love! lately i’ve been stopping a lot and thinking about the fact that i’ve followed his journey for FIFTEEN YEARS which is more than half my life and that i love his character just as much now as i did back then! and he’s grown and changed and evolved a lot, and my reasons for loving him have grown and changed and evolved as well!

who is your least favorite character in 1?

(lost) oh, i guess of the main characters probably Michael, he/his backstory just wasn’t as interesting as the rest of the survivors, but he DID have tough competition. 

what is your favorite episode of 4?

(community) IMPOSSIBLE. gah picking FAVOURITES if my life depends on picking favourites i will surely die. okay i don’t know if this is truly my favourite but whenever i’m asked to pick a standout Community episode i always think of “Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design” with the mysterious night school. just so STUPID. just peak stupidity i love it with my whole heart. 

what is your favorite season of 5?

(the flash) ok ok i’m going to go with season 5 aka the season with Nora! oh what a GIFT. making my most beloved characters have to take on the role of father? oh yes give it to me >:) give it to me all the way i’ll take it deep into my heart. 

who is your favorite couple in 3?

(fringe) well Peter and Olivia are one of the few couples in the show but they are one of my fav couples in general re: television so i’m happy to go with them! honourable mention for Alt!Livia and Lincoln tho ;__;

who is your favorite couple in 2?

(supernatural) there hasn’t been a single successful romance in 15 years so jkdgdfjklgdjl tbh tho Sam and Eileen have really hit my heart hard, i haven’t been invested in any of the romances that cropped up over 15 years because i knew there was no point! but even if Sam and Eileen aren’t endgame their brief flicker really touched me.

what is your favorite episode of 1?

(lost) finally an easy favourite omg my favourite episode is the FINALE. in all honesty my most special tv experience ever, like the most moving... the most moving and emotional and satisfying and fulfilling thing i’ve ever had the pleasure to watch on screen, just the most beautiful episode! the most! beautiful! episode of television i’ve ever seen! i remember that night so clearly, and how i felt at every moment, and how i felt after. just so beautiful!! and not for everyone i know but really for me! REALLY so special for me!

what is your favorite episode of 5?

(the flash) i love the episode “Welcome to Earth-2″ when Barry and Cisco travel to Earth 2, that episode is so so funny and their run-ins with Barry’s doppelganger omg. its one of the episodes that makes me laugh soo much

what is your favorite season of 2?

(supernatural) well this is difficult since there are FIFTEEN. a season that always stood out for me was season 8! i’m tempted to choose one of the most recent seasons but let’s give a throwback shout out to season 8, which gave us the first real angel storyline and was sooooooooooooo good, and one of the best season finales of the entire series!!! i LOVE the arc of that season. i feel like after Eric Kripke stepped down post-season 5 the show took a couple of years to find its feet, i really enjoyed season 6 and 7 but i could tell they hadn’t quite nailed a big picture plan yet, you know? it felt a bit like living season to season, which is not how supernatural works best since its got such an epic premise. but season 8 really found its big picture feet and i distinctly remember feeling the seeds of it begin to plant, and regaining that feeling from the earlier seasons where we were headed somewhere bigger!

how long have you watched 1?

(lost) it finished in 2010 but i watched from the very first episode to the very last as their aired! it’s been so many years since i’ve watched any of my tv on tv, it feels so foreign to look back and think, that’s how i watched lost for its entire run! i watched it on tv every week with all the ads and the waits and i loved every second of it! i wouldn’t have changed that experience for the world. even before streaming got so big, i couldn’t do that for long after lost because my internet behaviour changed, and it just wasn’t feasible to wait until shows reached Australian tv. i would’ve been spoiled as soon as it aired in the US, before it came here 4 months later. i do genuinely miss that a lot. i liked the ritual of an episode a week at a time outside my choosing, when i knew millions of others were watching it too. i’m so glad that’s how i watched lost. my experience was wonderful because of it. 

how did you become interested in 3?

(fringe) i genuinely. don’t remember? i feel like it may have been the fact that it was a JJ Abrams production, and after Lost i was so eager for anything JJ had touched. i started watching it not long before Lost finished so it gave me something to think deeply about in the void Lost left behind lol. 

who is your favorite actor in 4?

(community) oh well i think Donald Glover gave some of the best comedic performances in the show, but also the DEAN. what didn’t he give as a performer rofl. 

which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

(lost, supernatural, the flash) Lost is my fav show of all time hence why it is #1!

which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3?

(lost, fringe) I’ve seen all the episodes of everything on my list!? That is why i’ve picked them! There are more episodes of Lost so i would say Lost!

if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

(community) oh brother let’s not delve too deep here, annie for her wardrobe lol. 

would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

(fringe, community) that would be incredible. that would be. but which show’s perspective would the crossover be from? because i think they would deliver different tones! i would sort of like it to be from Fringe’s perspective to see how on earth they’d handle being confronted with the tone of Community.

pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

(lost) i am NOT interested in playing with the author’s will but look, i think pairing just about anyone with Sawyer would have interesting repercussions. mostly because even though he is supposed to be prickly i think (esp with his character growth) he is probably the character most likely to be widely compatible. Sawyer and Sun! Okay! i’m picking Sawyer and Sun. 

overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

(fringe, the flash) Fringe had some of what Lost had, which was beautifully intricate storytelling that for me just sits above most television. I really do hold those shows on a pedastool and so of these options i have to pick Fringe, because i would probably pick it over anything except Lost. 

which has the better theme music, 2 or 4?

(supernatural, community) okay okay since supernatural doesn’t really have theme music are we counting Carry On My Wayward Son as its theme music? Because............. i may have to go with that. 

[lowsodiumfreaks67]

Some questions are difficult to answer

Sorry Iv been a little m.i.a bit I got a little something for y’all.

a/n : for some unknown reason this piece does not look right on tumblr mobile so I apologize in advance if its difficult to read, I also uploaded it to my wattpad if you want to read it there instead. @obsessionunhealthy 

Summary : Its your first Supernatural convention of the year in Nashville because Seattle got Con-blocked. You’re joining your husband Jensen and your costar Jared for your first panel together when a fan asks a question that brings back some memories. 

Warnings : Talks of attempted suicide.

Word Count : 1806

More chapters will be posted as soon as I get time :) xx

"Ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage the Winchesters, Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles and his wife the wonderful Mrs Y/N Ackles"

Richards voice rang loudly through the speakers as you made your way up the stairs and through the curtain to the stage, you were greeted by loud cheering and whooping from the audience, Richard and Rob welcomed you all with warm hugs and wished you good luck, you waited until Louden Swain had finished playing Carry on my wayward son before you raised your mic to speak.

" What's up Nashville " you all shouted into the mics at the same time making the crown cheer even louder than before.

" Wow y'all are loud " you said with a massive smile on your face, you turned to Jensen.

" Howdy y'all, it's good to be back, I do love me some Nashville "

Jared then raised his mic " How you guys doing today? Any first timers? " a lot of people in the audience cheered loudly making all three of you look at each other surprised.

" Really y'all have never been to a supernatural convention, this is your first one ? " you asked making them cheer again.

" How long have we been doing this ?" Jensen asked still in shock

" 14 years " Jared answered quietly " 14 years " Jensen got up from his seat a little and shouted into his mic " 14 YEARS "

" Some of you guys were only 2 when the show started so that's understandable " you said as you looked out across the audience before someone shouted from the back " I was only born " you jumped from your seat in shock and walked to the edge of the stage

" You were what, how old are you ? "

" I'm 14 "

" Your 14 oh my gosh WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS YOUR WHOLE LIFE" Jensen exclaimed.

“ When were you born ? “ you asked

" I was born in January " she answered

" January what ? " Jared asked

" January 25th "

" Two thousand and ? " Jensen trailed off trying to work it out

" Five " she answered back

All three of your dropped your mics in shock, Jared and Jensen slumped into their chairs whilst you just dropped to the ground at the front of the stage and lay there, the audience erupted into laughter and cheers.

" We’re so old " you said into your mic dramatically without moving making the audience laugh even harder.

" So you're what a freshman in high school ? "

" Yeah that's right "

" Oh my god freshman in high school, that's mind boggling " you sighed from the ground

“ I can drive too “ she shouted

" You can already drive ? " Jensen asked before turning to Jared and shouted " IT DRIVES "

" Alright alright calm down " Jared chuckled placing a hand on Jensen's shoulder

" Fun fact he still can't drive " Jensen stated matter of factly whilst looking out at the girl and pointed at Jared

" And I still got 22 years on ya " Jared said mockingly but then began to fake cry as Jensen pulled him into a side hug, the audience was laughing loudly at your guys reaction at this.

" Oh my god we gotta change the subject im not liking this " you said as you got back up from the floor and walked back to your seat. Jared turned his seat to face the right side of the stage " Yeah lets get some questions going, hey there " he said to the young girl at the left of the stage waiting with a mic " Hello everyone I just wanted to ask if there has there been anything embarrassing or funny happen on set recently ? " you let out a small chuckle and spoke first " Well I kicked Jared's ass last week whilst playing with Tom and Shep last week, all i'll say is that I a woman and 2 kids managed to pin him down whilst Odette attempted to give him a wedgie, Gen videoed thing I’ll get her to post it for you guys, that must have been a pretty big kick to the ego " the audience laughed as you blew a kiss in Jared's direction.

The rest of the panel went on like this, you guys making fun of each other, telling stories, making jokes and having tremendous fun with the audience, it wasn't long before it was time for the last question, you finally stopped laughing after Jared finished his story about the train in Europe and turned to face the girl standing to the left of the stage.

Now you were in front of her you could see her face was soaked with tears and she was shaking like a leaf, you pulled her into a tight hug and whispered in her ear " Its okay honey, what's the matter? "

" I uh um I just got a little overwhelmed sorry I wasn’t expecting to be chosen for a question, I just wanted to thank you guys for everything you've done for me this past year " you pulled away slightly but still held her arms, " What's your name ? "

" Its Gabriela but everyone calls me Gabby "

" Well Gabby i'm very pleased you’re here with us and that this massive family has helped you through a tough time and as Jared would say Always Keep Fighting because it will all be some sort of okay someday "

" Thank you so much, may I ask you how it is that you keep a positive mindset even when going through tough times ? "

You pulled her in for another tight hug before heading back up onto the stage, Jared handed you your mic as you sat back down between the boys again.

" Alright sorry about that guys, the wonderful Gabby has asked how it is that I keep a positive mindset even when things are tough and if i'm being honest it's pretty damn hard to stay positive sometimes, just like everyone else I do have days where I just don't feel happy, I’m run down or i'm feeling super unmotivated but I get through those days with the help of my friends and family, both on set and here with you guys " the crowd cheered loudly as you turned to Jensen and Jared who were both smiling at you gently.

" Surround yourself with those you love and who make you happy, shutting yourself away and pushing those people away can be the worst thing you could ever do, I did that and it was quite possibly the worst decision of my life, that and the haircut I had during season 4 I mean what was I thinking " you joked making the audience chuckle a little before they quietened down again.

" About 7 years ago I went through a pretty tough time and instead of speaking up and accepting the help that was right there in front of me, I suffered in silence and that led to my mental state getting so out of control that one day when I got home I broke down completely as soon as my front door shut, it had been a good day on set, the scenes weren't too hard and everything went smoothly but inside my head I was fighting a losing battle, so I just I locked myself in my flat and turned my phone off, I shut out the outside world completely " the crowd was eerily silent as they listened to you speak, you could even see a few people in the front row with tears in their eyes, taking a deep breath to calm yourself you started back into your story.

" Uh no one but Jared, Jensen and Erik Kripke know what happened that night but that was the night I tried to take my own life " you let out a shaky breath when you heard a few people in the audience gasp, Jensen wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side as Jared grabbed your free hand and squeezed it then held it between his two large warm hands as you continued.

" I had forgotten that these two were coming over to run lines for the episode ' A little slice of Kevin ', I wasn’t answering the door or my phone so they decided to break down my front door Winchester style, I’m about to get a tiny bit graphic here but when they charged into my apartment they found me lying on my bathroom floor covered in and lying in a puddle of my own blood, they got me to the hospital in time for doctors to save my life, I will always thank Chuck for putting these two Idjits on this earth " a few of the audience members chuckled whilst others awed when you leaned up and kissed Jensen gently then reached over and pulled Jared into a tight hug.

" Okay so the lesson you should take from that is that you need to wake up positive, never go to sleep angry with anyone because you never know what could happen, try not to worry about what might go wrong in the day, focus on what will go right no matter how small it may be whether it be going out for lunch with a friend or grabbing a coffee with someone you haven't seen for awhile, remember you never fail at anything, you just gain experience and knowledge you can use to help in a future situation " you pulled yourself from the boys and got up and walked to the front of the stage.

" Y'all I want everyone here to know that there will always going to be someone out there who is going to listen to whatever it is you have to say and if right now you don't know who that person it then come to me, my email is on my Instagram and twitter, you guys can send me private messages, I even have a P.O box if you'd like to write me a letter, i'll always be here to support you guys no matter what and i'll always try my best to help you in anyway that I know how " the crowd cheered and clapped as you made your way off the stage back to Gabby.

" Thank you so much for coming and asking your question today, if you ever need someone to vent or talk to then drop me a message and i'll try help the best I can " you wrapped your arms around her in a tight hug before heading back on stage which was now occupied by Richard and Louden Swain.

Jensen met you at the end of the stage and extended his hand to you to guide you back up the stairs as Jared spoke to everyone, " Thank you so much everyone for coming out, sorry if we bored you too much with our stories, well see y'all later on " the audience cheered and clapped as you guys waved before exiting the stage whilst Louden Swain played Your Love by The Outfield.

[hippychick006]

4.17 - It’s a terrible life

or the one where sexy times wincest almost becomes canon (though technically it would be sexy times Swesson).  Yet another episode I love. Kripke, I miss you. Yet again so much happens in 40 minutes so under the cut we go.

We know something is up from the get go in this one, Dean is wearing a business suit and hair slicked back.  As an aside, his apartment view is almost the same as mine so I know which building this is filmed in.  We could assume he’s just working a case if not for the fact he gets into a prius and switches off the rock music.  This is not our Dean.  As an another aside, Prius are nippy little cars until you try to get them to go up a hill.

Dean enters a sky scraper for the Sandover Bridge & Iron company.  His office tells us he’s Dean Smith - Director, Sales & Marketing.  Montage follows of Dean working through the day, typing, putting on his little office golf set, bemoaning there aren’t more shows like Project Runway, eating salad and we get this gem from Dean’s own mouth: “Net profitability aside, it’s the client-retention rate that concerns me vis-a-vis maximising returns on sales...”  And I’m having flash backs to my former working life. 

We meet his boss, Mr Adler, (who we’ll find out later is actually the angel Zachariah).  Back to Dean and he’s now bemoaning the sedentary lifestyle of office work and notes down a juice plan to try later - lemon, ceyenne and maple syrup.  I think this is or was a real diet.

We finally see Sam in the elevator when Dean finishes work for the day.  Sam is wearing a yellow polo top so obviously not doing the same type of work as Dean.  Dean thinks Sam is hitting on him and tells him to “save it for the health club, pal.”  Sam looks confused - possibly wondering where Dean’s health club is so he can hit on him there.

Shot of pages being printed and pencil being sharpened, and we see that Sam works in a cubicle, and I feel claustrophobic just looking at it.  Sam Wesson, as we find out, works Tech Support at Sandover.  He has an adorable dracula bobble head that he taps while giving out the sage advice of “Have you tried turning it off and then on.”  The caller is obviously a newbie because the rest of us know to do this before we even call Tech Support.  The only unrealistic thing in the episode so far is that Tech Support appear to have windows.  Not in my experience, they are always hidden in the basement somewhere.

Sam has a friend in tech support which is cute.  The guy appears to be a rebel and not wearing the uniform.  They go for a coffee break and try to get their third friend, Paul, to join them.  Paul has no time and appears stressed, which seems to not be his usual behaviour if the look on Sam’s face is anything to go by.  His friend explains that Paul got busted the day before for surfing for porn and was sent up to HR.

We find out Sam’s new buddy is called Ian, when Sam catches him raiding the stationery cupboard.  And I don’t want to tell the company how to do things, but having the stationery cupboard in the employee room, probably isn’t the best way to avoid stationery getting nicked.  My suggestion is to put it behind the desk of that one PA everyone is terrified of.  Moving on, Sam’s been telling Ian that he has dreams like saving a grim reaper named Tessa from demons.  Ian laughs and Sam calls him a dick.

Shot of pages being printed and pencil being sharpened again, and Sam’s still in the cubicle.  He’s tired and falls asleep and we see a montage of him and Dean killing things.  He wakes up abruptly.

Sam gets in the elevator, Dean’s in there again but they are not alone this time. I’m remembering the gag reel where Jared keeps screwing this scene up because he’s confused that the button he wants is already pressed. Dean and Sam give each other glances which only gets more awkward when everyone else leaves on the same floor, and Sam and Dean are the only ones left.  There follows this conversation - which given they are in an elevator and Dean can’t escape - is awkward to say the least:

SAM: Can I ask you a question?

DEAN: Look, man, I told you, I'm not into the, uh...

SAM: Oh dude, come on, I'm not either. I just wanna ask you one question.

DEAN (reluctantly and looking for an escape route): Sure.

SAM: What do you think about ghosts?

I think Dean would have preferred being flirted with.  Seriously Sam?

Sam then asks about vampires (since the last part of his dream was Dean using a saw to cut the head off one).  He tells Dean he’s been having some weird dreams recently, and asks Dean if he knows what he means.  Dean answers, “no, not really.” Sam persists and ask, “So... you’ve never had any... weird dreams.”  Dean is visibly uncomfortable now and starts jamming the elevator buttons desperately and tells Sam that he overshares.

Printer/pencil being sharpened.  Sam’s back in his cubicle, he searches the web for vampires while saying into his headset  “Did you turn it off, then on...”  

Ian asks him if he got an email from HR.  Sam says no.  Ian says it’s just him then and heads off hoping to be spanked. I’m hoping Ian doesn’t meet Dean in the elevator and tell him this same thing because if he thinks Sam overshares, then he’s going to have serious problems with Ian.  Meanwhile Paul has a melt down because he’s just lost a full days work.  Sam tries to calm him down, but we see Paul working really late trying to get the file back.  He fails and kills himself via microwave.

The whole office watch the next morning as Paul is body bagged out.  I’m not saying Sam and Dean have a moment as they glance at each other... but they have a moment as they glance at each other.  Can I also just say, Dean looks stunning as a businessman and I’ve just realised that hot on the heels of giving us mob!boss Dean last week, the show have gifted us rich businessman!Dean this week.  The only thing that would have made this episode better would have been PersonalAssistant!Sam, but we can’t have everything we want and I feel greedy just thinking of it.

Dean’s back in his office, and looks up Paul’s file to see that he was 2 weeks from retirement.  Sam’s obviously done the same thing as we see him wheel himself over to Ian’s cubicle to ask Ian why Paul would off himself with only 2 weeks to go to freedom.

Ian - who is now wearing the yellow uniform - does not have time for this Sam,  he’s working!  Sam asks what’s going on, but Ian’s called up to a manager’s office and doesn’t answer any of Sam’s questions.   The manager turns out to be Dean and needs Ian to fix a 445T form he filled out the day before that has some errors in it.  Ian melts down that he’s wasted company profits and runs away.  Dean gives chase and finds him in the executive bathroom where strange things start happening and Ian stabs himself in the neck with one of the pencils he stole the day before. Dean goes to help and sees an old man’s face in the mirror.

Sam and Dean share another moment as Ian is body bagged away, though Sam’s is slightly more bitchface this time.

Printer/pencil being sharpened.  Sam’s back in his cubicle and receives a phone call.  I’m bolding this next important piece of dialogue:

Dean: I need to see you in my office.  Now!

The next shot is of Dean doing his shirt up and I can’t even...

Sadly though, we discover that Sam has only just arrived so no sexy times were had on Dean’s desk.  Oh show.  Stop with the teasing.  Anyway, they talk (while Dean drinks that lemon juice/ceyenne/maple syrup concoction.  They have a long conversation about Sam dreaming about ghosts and them being real.  

Dean: So you’re telling me that your dreams are special visions and you’re some kind of psychic?

Sam: No, I mean... that would be nuts.

Heh.  

Sam then brings out research he’s been doing on what connects the victims.  Dean realises Sam must have broken into their email accounts to get this information.  Sam says, “I used some skills that I happen to have to satisfy my curiosity.”  I love pre Charlie days, when Sam had the skills to hack into systems and didn’t have to rely on the smartest person in the room..  

Sam explains that the emails said to report to HR, room 1444.  Dean responds, HR’s on 7.  They both go to check it out and arrive in time to rescue yet another yellow shirted employee who’s been summoned to that room.  Sam kicks the locked door down and Dean tries not to whimper.  They see the ghost attacking the worker who is pinned under a shelf.  Dean grabs a wrench and swings it and the old man disappears.

Back at Dean’s apartment, and as yet another unwanted aside, but I’m giving them to you anyway, those twinkling lights in the background are Grouse Mountain.  That is one very nice apartment, but not sure I’d have put the fireplace right in front of floor to ceiling windows.  Anyway, both are hyped up from their run in with the ghost.  Sam asks, “Hey, How the hell did you know that ghosts are scared of wrenches?”  Heh!  Dean compliments Sam on kicking down the door.  He seems fixated on that detail.

Sam starts saying he doesn’t believe they belong there.  He should be doing something more than sit in a cubicle.  Dean responds, “I think most people who work in a cubicle feel that same way.”

Sam persists that he feels he was destined for something different.  Dean says he doesn’t believe in destiny, but in dealing with what’s right in front of them.  Sam asks what they should do now and Dean answers “We do what I do best, Sammy, research.”  

Sam: Did you just call me Sammy?”

Dean: Did I?”

Sam: I think you did... yeah... don’t.

I can’t believe we’re only half way through the episode at this point!  What?!

They both do research, but it’s Dean that hits the jackpot when he comes across Ghostfacers website.  Yes, Ed and Harry are back, who Dean declares to be genius.  They’ve produced instructional videos, which Sam and Dean use to figure out what they are dealing with and how to get rid of it.  You either like the ghostfacers or don’t, but the clips were funny and here has the extended version of them in all their glory: https://moderateinthemiddle.wordpress.com/tag/ghost-facers/

So many good moments going between the videos and Sam and Dean preparing, but my favourites are that they discover the wrench worked, not because ghosts are afraid of them, but because it was made out of iron. They have no idea where to get guns from.  Also this bit;

Harry: Okay, this next part gets a little gross. Sometimes you might have to dig up the body... Sorry.

Ed: It’s illegal in some states.

Harry: All states

Ed: Possibly all states.

I’m laughing.

Armed with condiments and fire pokers, they had back to the office.  Dean suggests they set their phones to walkie talkie and... wait, you can do this?  How?

They search Sandovers office (room 1444) for some remains to burn (since the man was cremated).  Sam gets caught by security and dragged out.  They go into the elevator which starts acting strangely stopping suddenly.  The security guard opens the door and finds they are between floors.  This is not going to end well. 

The guard awkwardly climbs out and... oh, thankfully he’s fine.  False alarm.

Back to Dean who finds the clue about what they need to burn.

Back to the security guard who reaches back in to the elevator to get Sam and the elevator drops decapitating him, and spraying Sam with blood. (Jared getting sprayed is a running prank on the set, I’m telling you).

Sam and Dean work together to kill the ghost and we get some winsync moments as they look like they’ve been working together for years.

Sam suggests they quit their jobs and hit the road.  Dean wants to know how they would live. “with stolen credit cards?  Eating diner food drenched in saturated fats?  Sharing a crap motel room every night?”  Sam says those are just details.  Dean responds “Details are everything!  You don’t want to be fighting ghosts without any health insurance.”

Sam confesses that he thinks this is not who they are.  He thinks his dreams are their real life, that they are hunters, friends, brothers even.

Dean responds that he knows who he is, his father’s name is Bob, mother Ellen and sister is called Jo.

Sam asks when the last time Dean talked to them, because he just broke up with his fiancee Madison and when he called her number, he got an animal hospital.  Heh.  

SAM: All I know is, I got this feeling in my gut. And I know—I know that deep down, you gotta be feeling it too. We're supposed to be something else. You're not just some corporate douchebag. This isn't you. I know you.

DEAN: Know me? You don't know me, pal. You should go.

Printer/pencil being sharpened and Sam’s back in his cubicle and in a scene that I’m sure everyone who has ever worked in a cubicle wishes they could do, he takes a poker to his ringing phone and smashes it to pieces.  Sam: “I quit.”  

Entire office stands up and claps, crying “Way to go, Sammy, way to go!”   

Not really.  That was just me.

Switch back to Dean’s office. Mr Adler is back.  He’s pleased with Dean’s work and writes down a figure on a piece of paper, I think it’s $50,000 which he tells Dean is a bonus to make sure he’s not going anywhere.  Mr Adler sees big things in Dean’s future, “Maybe even senior VP, Eastern Great Lakes Division”

In a much less dramatic way than Sammy, Dean quietly says he’s giving his notice. “It’s not who I’m supposed to be.”

Much to Dean’s surprise, Mr Adler grins and says “Finally.”  He reaches over and zaps Dean and the bright colours vanish.  Dean looks around wondering why he’s in an office, wearing a tie and he’s starving.

Zachariah explains who he is - Castiel’s boss - and that after the situation with Uriel, felt it was necessary to visit to get all of his ducks in a row.  Dean: “I am not one of your ducks!”  Zachariah explains that he wanted to show Dean that hunting is what he was born to do.  That it was nothing to do with John.  That he’d find his way to it, even in the dark. 

Zachariah:“...Save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse. It's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around. There are plenty of fates worse than yours. So are you with me? You wanna go steam yourself another latte? Or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?”

An important episode to get Dean out of his funk of the previous week and realising that hunting is what he was born to do.  Nice continuity between episodes here.  

Up next The Monster at the end of This book.  Damn it, another favourite!

[halothenthehorns]

The Supernatural Gospel

Chapter 7 Constance Welch

The town of Jericho is so small that posting important information on marquee's is the norm. It's still high noon, but there's apparently going to be a town hall meeting that night at eight, as well as the quaint message to be safe.

Underneath it is a woman posting up pictures of Troy's face, a missing poster. Amy Hein has her unbrushed brown hair pulled into a hasty ponytail and smudges around her eyes. This and her posters make Dean's quick assessment not unwarranted. "I'll bet you that's her."

  "Yeah," Sam agrees, and it was about time. They'd spent the better part of an hour walking the 'small' streets of Jericho looking for her.

The two approach her, Dean calling to get her attention and confirmation. Even if she wasn't Amy, this girl must know her. "You must be Amy?"

"Yeah," she agrees distractedly, not looking away from the poster she was taping firmly in place.

"Yeah, Troy told us about you." Dean fibs. "We're his uncles. I'm Dean, this is Sammy." Sammy wasn't helping by shooting Dean a look for the continued nickname.

"He never mentioned you to me." Amy brushed off, already walking off. She'd had one to many people today trying to talk to her about Troy and share their observations of his disappearance.

Dean follows, not at all deterred. "Well, that's Troy, I guess. We're not around much, we're up in Modesto, and-"

"So, we're looking for him too," Sam cuts in before Dean made up an entire backstory, "and we're kinda asking around."

Rachel, Amy's best friend, finds spots her talking to the two strangers under the shadowed awning from up the street and comes over to investigate as well. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah," she smiles briefly at her while going back to dig for another post to put up only a dozen feet over from the last one.

"Do you mind if we ask a couple questions?" Sam continues as if there hadn't even been an interruption.

Amy looks the two up and down for the first time properly, weighing it all in her mind. Her dad had barely said anything this morning aside from promising he'd keep in touch, and that had yet to happen. When Joseph Welch had reported the car that morning, the whole town had been doing nothing but whisper. At least with these two, talking could amount to something.

She nods and Rachel loops her arm through hers as the men gesture to a diner across the street, crossing first and only checking over their shoulder to hold the door open for the ladies as they all went inside.

The diner was slow, a waitress came over at once. The boys ordered coffee and the girls soda. The four sat in awkward silence until the drinks were placed in front of them.

Sam and Dean sat with their backs to the door in the corner booth of the restaurant, waiting patiently, until Amy burst into the same speech she'd given her own dad that morning. "I was on the phone with Troy. He was driving home. He said he would call me right back, and...he never did."

"He didn't say anything strange, or out of the ordinary?" Sam prompts, gazing at her steadily for some hint she was holding back.

Amy shakes her head. "No. Nothing I can remember."

Sam spots a bit of jewelry on her and hopes to make her more comfortable. "I like your necklace."

Amy holds the pendant she's wearing, a pentagram in a circle, and looks down at it. "Troy gave it to me. Mostly to scare my parents," she laughs, "with all that devil stuff."

Sam laughs a little too and looks down, debating with himself, then up, there's no harm in correcting the minor things, it could even keep her safe one day.

Dean's watching him closely as he corrects a common misnomer, "Actually, it means just the opposite. A pentagram is protection against evil. Really powerful. I mean, if you believe in that kind of thing."

"Okay. Thank you, Unsolved Mysteries," Dean cut in before he started describing Devil's traps. He takes his arm off the back of Sam's seat and leans forward.

"Here's the deal, ladies." Dean more obviously sussed out. "The way Troy disappeared, something's not right. So if you've heard anything..."

Amy and Rachel look at each other. Dean pounces. "What is it?"

Rachel speaks slowly, assessing their reaction, "Well, it's just... I mean, with all these guys going missing, people talk."

Dean and Sam speak in chorus. "What do they talk about?"

Rachel continues with more confidence since she clearly had their full, unskeptical attention. "It's kind of this local legend. This one girl? She got murdered out on Centennial, like decades ago."

Dean looks at Sam, who watches Rachel attentively, nodding.

"Well, supposedly she's still out there. She hitchhikes, and whoever picks her up? Well, they disappear forever." Rachel finished in a heavy tone, deciding to leave out the bit where almost all of the guys going missing had been caught, or suspected of cheating. She worried, saying that right next to Amy, it would make her guess a drunken truth her and Troy had swore to never speak of.

Sam and Dean look at each other.

"Well thank you ladies," Dean's smooth as silk smile seems like thanks enough as he drops a few bills on the table, indicating they'd gotten all they needed.

"That's it?" Amy confirms, they hadn't really asked a single thing about Troy himself.

"Oh yeah," Dean stretches as he gets back to his feet, already digging around for his car keys. "We said we'd stop by Troy's parents place for a quick word with them as well, but you've been very helpful."

Sam gets up more slowly, his mind already remembering the sign pointing towards the local library where they'd begin digging into this local legend.

The girls watch them leave and exchange their own baffled expression at it all.

"You know, I don't think those guys were really related to Troy," Amy admits.

Chapter 8

The library is, as Sam had suspected, not at all hard to find, and not exactly vast. No local historians had ever taken an interest in the local legend, he quickly finds as he methodically browses the shelves, and circles to the back to find Dean trying a more up-to-date method.

…

A web browser is open to the archive search page for the Jericho Herald. The words 'Female Murder Hitchhiking' are typed into the search box. Dean clicks GO; the screen tells him there are (0) Results. Dean replaces 'Hitchhiking' with 'Centennial Highway' with the same response. Sam is sitting next to him, watching impatiently.

"Let me try," Sam reaches over for the mouse while offering.

"I got it," Dean smacks his hand away without looking.

Sam disagrees and shoves his whole chair aside, which thankfully is on wheels so his brother smoothly glides away rather than just flat falling to the ground.

"Dude!" Dean protests, sliding right back over to smack him on the shoulder and inform him, "you're such a control freak." He sighed audibly right into his brother's ear, to think he'd missed this!

Yet as he watched Sammy maneuver the machine, there was an undeniable sense of peace settling deep inside Dean, as he imagined a mirror scenario here by himself instead fighting with this. If Sam hadn't come This felt right, their first case together independent from Dad, even though the case was looking for him.

Sam ignored his outburst. "So angry spirits are born out of violent death, right?"

"Yeah," Dean impatiently agrees, that was rule number one of ghosts.

"Well, maybe it's not murder." Sam corrects Dean's assumption as he replaces his choice of words with 'suicide.'

There is one result.

An article entitled 'Suicide on Centennial' pops up. Dean glances at Sam, mostly aggrieved, he would have gotten there, but slightly grateful his brother had gotten them there faster. Sam opens the article, dated April 25, 1981.

'A local woman's drowning death was ruled a suicide, the county Sheriff's Department said earlier today. Constance Welch, 24, of 4636 Breckenridge Road, leapt off Sylvania Bridge, at mile 33 of Centennial Highway, and subsequently drowned last night.

Deputy J. Pierce told reporters that, hours before her death, Mrs. Welch logged a call with 911 emergency services. In a panicked tone, Mrs. Welch described how she found her two young children, 5 and 6, in the bathtub, after leaving them alone for several [minutes]. She reported that their complex-[...]

"What happened to my children was a terrible accident. And it must have been too much for my wife. Our babies were gone, and Constance just couldn't bear it," said husband Joseph Welch. "Now I ask that you all please respect my privacy during this trying time."

At the time of the children's death and Mrs. Welch's subsequent suicide, Mr. Welch was at the Frontier auto salvage yard, where he works the graveyard shift as associate manager.

"Connie might have been quiet, but she was the sweetest, most caring girl I ever knew," said Deanna Kripke, a neighbor. "She just doted on those children."

Sam skim read the article, the pop out words all he needed to know. "This was 1981. Constance Welch, twenty-four years old, jumps off Sylvania Bridge, drowns in the river."

There's a picture of Constance; a willowy woman with long black hair.

"Does it say why she did it?" Dean didn't see the point in reading over Sam's shoulder when he was just going to tell him anyways.

"Yeah," Sam's one word does not sound pleased.

"What?"

Sam goes into the grisly details. "An hour before they found her, she calls 911. Apparently her two little kids are in the bathtub. She leaves them alone for a minute, and when she comes back, they aren't breathing. Both die."

Dean raises his eyebrows, "Hm." That does qualify for a woman being suicidal, and definitely a vengeful death.

The article has a picture of Joseph next to a picture of Sylvania Bridge. Sam's still reading aloud. "'Our babies were gone, and Constance just couldn't bear it,' said husband Joseph Welch."

"The bridge look familiar to you?" Dean had already moved on. He filched a pen from a nearby cup of them and went up to the front desk to ask for a scrap of paper, writing down Joseph Welch's address mentioned in the article.

[fallenandthefaithless]

“I Wrote Myself Into It”: Authorial Intent and Writers in Supernatural

So I've seen a few posts floating around discussing how Mr Ketch's talk with Mary resembles Metatron in 9x18 and it was while trying to put my own thoughts about this together that I was struck by another thought. Throughout the series we've had several characters be storytellers and author stand-ins for the showrunners. It was while listing all of these characters that a theme became clear to me. All of these characters are telling us stories but as an audience we are either ignored or quietened. Until now.

This got rather long (oops)

We meet our first writer stand-in at the start of 4x18 'The Monster at the End of This Book' in the form of Chuck Shurley. It's  been discussed to death how Chuck is a stand-in for Kripke so I'm not going to go into it here.

Chuck is introduced to us reading aloud his work as he makes corrections, altering details to better suit his vision as he reads. Whilst we're being told the story we are never acknowledged – Chuck doesn't ever look into the camera the way others will in future episodes.

Chuck directly referencing/writing a story is seen again briefly in 4x22 and 5x22 when Chuck is or has already finished typing his stories "Lucifer Rising" and "Swan Song". While he never reads "Lucifer Rising" aloud to us, we do witness the characters take control of their story – a possible aside on how much the original plot outline has been changed in the series. In 5x22 we have Chuck's voice over at the start and end of the episode though, once again, we are ignored as he focuses on writing his story.

The next time we have a character talk to us is in 6x20 'The Man Who Would Be King' with Castiel looking directly at us as he says "Let me tell you my story. Let me tell you everything". This time around the audience is acknowledged by being directly looked at though we still don't have a chance to respond. We are being told a story and can only listen. God, who Cas was textually speaking to, isn't even present and doesn't respond.

We don’t have another writer stand-in until Metatron in 9x18 'Meta Fiction'. The episode opens with Metatron typing away on his typewriter in a mockery of Chuck before he looks up into the camera to address us.

What makes a story work? Is it the plot, the characters, the text? The subtext? And who gives a story meaning? Is it the author? Or you?

Not only are we acknowledged but we are even asked questions. However, this illusion of being involved doesn't last long and illusion it is as the camera reveals Cas to be tied to a chair and gagged, forced to listen to Metatron's story without being allowed to address any of the questions being raised.

Metatron typing away acts a callback to Chuck and highlights how, despite the questions being asked of Cas/the audience, the story has already been written and Metatron is currently rewriting it to suit his version better. He even burns a copy of the Winchester Gospels because though it may be his inspiration, it doesn't fit with the story he wants to tell.

In season 11 we have Chuck return after Amara has broken free of her restraints at the conclusion of season 10 and is running rampant, demanding retribution for the crimes committed against her.

Subtextually, what crimes could possibly have been committed at the end of season 10? If there was one thing that caused chaos and forced the writers to pay attention, going so far as to bring about the return of God, the original showrunners stand-in, it was the outcry at the death of Charlie Bradbury.

Throughout season 11 Amara desperately searches for God, wanting him to apologize for the wrongdoings he has committed, the wrongdoings he has been committing since the very beginning of the story – the unfair treatment of the minor characters. Going back as far as the pilot episode with the fridging of Mary Winchester, there has been a lack of justice for these characters and Charlie was the final straw. One only has to see the 2015 Supernatural Comic Con panel to see how badly it was received and how the writers coped with that fallout. But throughout season 11 we saw small changes being made; more explicitly queer characters (Jenna, Jesse, Cesar and Kat's mums), more female characters as big characters, new and returning (Jody, Donna, Alex, Claire, Amara, Billie, Rowena, Clea, Eileen, Mildred) and more characters of colour (Billie, Rufus, Clea) with decent roles. But it wasn't until the season 11 finale that they made the biggest apology. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In arguably the best episode of the season both Chuck and Metatron return, locking themselves up in a bar to work on Chuck's latest piece of work, safe from the chaos of the outside world which is only present through the televisions in the bar. Only on screens do they see anything happening whilst the audience witnesses everything as it happens to Sam and Dean.

Metatron proceeds to call Chuck out in one of his best speeches on the show:

You know, I was a crappy, terrible god. My work was pretty much a lame, half-assed rewrite of your greatest hits. But at least I was never a coward!

Metatron acknowledges that what he wrote was copied from Chuck's work, that the stories were all running in circles.

Chuck goes on to say that he is "done watching [his] experiments failures" to which Metatron rebuts "you mean your failures". He holds Chuck responsible for the failures of his stories – Metatron, after all, does admit he himself was a "terrible writer". The least Chuck can do is admit the same.

It is after this that Chuck turns the televisions on and tells Metatron to watch.

If you ask me, they're all reruns.

The chaos of the world is a "rerun". It's all happened before. And Chuck, our original creator, walks away. Metatron, however, who has been knocked down a peg or two by "his characters", looks on in horror at what has happened to the story.

In the next episode we face the first removal of a writer. Metatron's death.

Metatron has accepted his failures and now he seeks to help fix the problems he was implicit in and ends up paying with hi life. He faces the issue head on, and while he dies, he does so after his best attempt at redeeming himself. And Chuck is now left to face his own problems in the face of Lucifer and, subtextually, Cas.

Castiel, the easiest to unpack of the two, represents himself, the underappreciated main character who has been pushed to the side too many times.

Lucifer, as a left over of Kripke's era, represents all the loose ends left over from the earlier seasons – this is clear from Lucifer's lingering presence throughout the series despite the fact he was supposed to have been dealt with in season 5. While his main storyline – the apocalypse – is over, Lucifer hasn't ever really left the show. Just like many niggling plot holes.

So Dean's "We're gonna save Cas, we're gonna ice the devil and we're gonna shank the darkness and anyone gets in our way, well God help them" highlights the three main issues of the season – Cas' underappreciated presence on the show, the loose ends from seasons past and the fandoms displeasure with how things are being done. And they're all being thrown in Chuck's face at the end of the season.

So Chuck makes up with Lucifer, promises Cas will be safe and then turns to face the big "bad". Amara. But he just wants to lock her back up. He keeps repeating his previous mistakes but this time he doesn't get away with it. This time he's almost killed. It's interesting to note too, in light of this reading, that it was Amara who banished Lucifer and saved Cas.

In the end it is Dean who convinces Amara and Chuck to talk which results in Chuck apologizing for the injustices Amara has faced at his hands and the two peacefully leave the characters to be together. After, of course, Amara resurrects Mary – the personification of the injustices in the show and how they are being visited and fixed. We're on the B-Side now.

Which brings us to season 12.

After 12x09 many people wondered if Mick was going to be Dabb's stand-in but in 12x12 it is Mr Ketch who talks to the camera. Combining these two would suggest that it is the British Men of Letters who are Dabb's stand-in, which raised another interesting point I'll get to a little bit later.

First off, Mick.

12x09 opens with Mick typing away at his typewriter which instantly brings Metatron to mind. He then looks up and gives his "Let me paint you a picture" speech, trying to sell his vision to an unimpressed Wally. A lot of people have commented on how Wally appeared to be a John stand-in in 12x12 which would paint him as a more old-fashioned hunter. Wally proceeds to mock Mick and his "soft hands" before leaving. In other words, a hunter who resembles John Winchester, aka an old fashioned hunter better suited to the earlier seasons, mocks the story being described to him by our current showrunners stand-in. The "soft hands" comment threw me for a bit until I just took it at face value – Mick's not a fighter and that shows in his unblemished hands. The show isn't about throwing yourself into the middle of a world-ending battle anymore. It's about the smaller, emotional storylines.

At the end of the episode Mick tries again and this time Mary, the character who is the opposite to John and literally symbolizes the new story, was willing to listen to what Mick (Dabb) is offering.

In 12x12 it's Mr Ketch who talks to the camera but something interested me before he even looks at us. We get a lengthy shot showing Mr Ketch organizing his cup of tea before taking a sip and then he turns his attention to the camera. Why so much time dedicated to something so insignificant? It wasn't just to bring attention to his mug which is straight out of Reservoir Dogs. Making his cup of tea and sitting back show how Mr Ketch is willing to listen before he even says "Tell me a story". He's getting comfortable before giving the camera his undivided attention. He wants to hear this story.

"Tell me a story" he says to the camera and, for the first time, we the audience, as well as the character being addressed textually, are able to respond. Unlike Cas in 9x18, Mary is free to tell her story (ironically while dressed like Cas). Ketch listens without interrupting and at the end, shows how impressed he is. Mary, however, is not appeased.

I lost a friend. I almost lost one of my boys.

Mary almost lost of her boys. We almost lost one our boys. Mary and the audience are given the chance to vent to Ketch (Dabb) about how hurt we were by their actions and Ketch, as repentant as any writer, apologizes most insincerely.

One last thing, at first I was confused as to why Dabb would choose the BMoL as his stand-in – they aren't exactly likable. As I thought this over I remembered @argumentsagainstbideansuck post on authorial intent. It highlights how Supernatural is a postmodern text and how authorial intent means zilch:

"the entirety of seasons 4 and 5 (widely considered the show's best) are ALL ABOUT THE VIRTUE OF DEFYING 'THE AUTHOR' and "throwing out the script."

(Seriously, go read all of it – you will not regret it)

With this in mind, let's turn to the BMoL.

The BMoL came crashing onto the scene in 11x23 and tried to force their views onto the American hunters insisting that their way is the best way. They didn't stop there though – they tortured Sam and attacked/threatened out other main characters. (Pretty fitting for writers)

So why would Dabb use them as his stand-in?

Because authorial intent has no place in Supernatural because it is a postmodern text. The writers can't tell us how we are supposed to read the show. Our readings are valid and the characters revolting against the BMoL support this. They certainly don't want their way to be restricted by the BMoL. And while certain characters may be listening to them for now, that certainly won't last.

So after years of being ignored or gagged, we are finally not only being given a voice but are being listened to. Instead of the writers telling us to listen to their stories, we are being invited to tell our own. And Dabb is listening.

[coocooforcocopuffs13]

Litterally like kripke please tell me what you were thinking sis.

when your dream girl is your little brother.